The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1884-10-10
VARIETIES.

| Beware of green fruit The fruit cannot
help being green, but you can.
| ayes" she said, 81 always obey my hus.
| band but | reckon have something to say
| about what his commands shall be-"
at seems 10 me-" moaned Algernon, flying
| towards the front gate, with the old man
close behind him, "that there are more than
three feet in yard"
The old saying, "When the cat is away
the mice will play" can easily be turned
around to read "When the mice are away
the cat can't play" .-.
There are many and various ways of
| becoming man of mark but the easiest and
most effectual way is to lean up against some
newly-painted ratings. r~s
Mamma" said little Innocence, who,
| for the first time had been taken TO see
| ballet performed, "why do they wear such
short dresses are they too poor to buy more,
or won't their mothers let them wear long
dresses yet"
When girl is standing at the front gate
waiting for her fellow, five minutes seem to
| be about an hours time; but after he comes,
| and the two are "all alone by themselves" in
| the parlor, an hour seems to be about five
| minutes long. ...
The London Times throws light on the
wa fuNo'ioh. ~ Guys Nv WCll uiSu IuuJ
or gentleman will intrude with her or his
dog in public place" That's all right, but
suppose the dog won't go in alone, what are
you going to do then?
An English chemist, who has been ana
lying all kinds of canned goods, says there
is no danger of metallic poisining, as the
presence of metallic salts in sufficient quanti-
ties to be poisonous would make the the con-
tents of the can so bitter that they could not
be eaten.
Bismarck always shaves himself So
does Dusenbury. 1--WE great men," he says,
cannot trust our naked Threats beneath the
BARRIERS gittering stcelw Dusenbury's enc
mics says that the trust trouble isn't on Dusen-
burys side SO much as it is on the BARRIERS.
-"Will you kindly tell me what is going
on in that church ?" asked tramp of a gen.
tleman who had just descended the steps
"They are holding a church fair" II am
sorry" why are you sorry, my friend ?"
well, was going to ask you to help me,
but if you've been in there it isn't no USE"
"A Georgia preacher said ; II once loaned
cart and an OK to some boys to go toa
camp-mceting, They tied nubbin ofcorn to
the shaft so it would be a few inches ahead
of the animals nose. He came near running
himself to death trying to get it. Brethren,
the devil keeps dollar just ahead, and many
you are killing yourselves trying to get it."
"A gentleman who resides near large
cemetery has son about six years of age,
who takes great interest in funeral process
sions. The gentleman was taken i'll, and his
wife said to the boy one day "What
would you do if your dear papa should die?"
"Oh," he said, as if much pleased at the
idea. I'D so to the funeral and ride in a
carriage"
-"What is the breed of your calf ~ said
would be buyer to farmer "Well," said the
farmer, "all know about it is that his father
gored justice of the peace to death, toss
ed book agent into the fence corner, and
stood a lightning rod man on his head and
the mother chased a female lecturer two
miles, and if that amt breed enough to ask
81 on you needn't take him"
Madam, may l kiss these beautiful
children ?" inquired Uncle Dick Oglesby, as
he re !eaasd- aEes The front gate Certainly -
sir; there is no possible objection" "They
are loving darlings," said the lady. II have
seldom seen more beautiful babies Are they
all yours, marm?" The lady blushed deeply.
"Of course they are-the sweetest little trea-
sures. From whom else, marin, could they
have inherited these limpid eyes, these come
ly figures, and these musical voices T. The
lady continued blushing. "By the way,
marm," said Uncle Dick, "may bother you
to tell your estimable husband that Richard
j. Oglesby, Republican candidate for Cover.
nor, called upon him this evening? ?" "Alas,
good sir" quoth the lady, II have no hus-
band" "But these children, madam, you
surely are not a widow ?" 81 feared you
were mistaken, sir, when you first came up.
They are not my children. This is an or.
phan asylum"