Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-08-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Hanlon seems to have discovered the
rowed to wealth. - Whitehall T5mss.
Talk about babies; but then, we
never indulge in small talk Chtcag
Sun.
"Out on the fy!"is now the cry of the
infuriated bald-headed citizen.-L0,Oed
Citizen.
A man will put his best foot forward
if he has sore toe on the other foot
Picaytine.
The rising of the ticd-Tuning out to
build the fire and cook the breakfast.-
Waterloo Observer.
STOPPING over to pick up a fair lady'a
handkerchief loses its joy when it sacri-
fees suspender button.
Since pantaloons have been selling for
ten cents a pair Detroiters have begun to
look quite dressy. Journal.
"Ah, how do you vote this year,
SMITH" "Same as l did last-at the
polls" And they passed on.-Boston
Post.
''That was clothes shave" said the
burglar as he tumbled over the fence,
leaving part of his pantaloons with the
bulldog.
In Cincinnati there is soda fountain
called blizzard" 1t is probably q
called because so many men have been
ruined by it.-B0Ston PJSt.
"No," said Amy, 'Ill have the whole
hog or none" "Please don't say whole
hog" demonstrated the high school GIRL
''say undivided porclne. "-Derrlck.
Young physician-No, it is not in
good taste for a young physician when
writing to a patient to sign himself,
"Yours till death. ."-6omer0iUe Jour-
nal.
A bit of poetry floating around in the
papers is headed: "Thee, Thee, Only
Thee" 1t is PROBABLY Jay Gould's ode
to the mighty dollar. --PhilGdePhiG
Chronicle.
Brown-Ah, Fogg! Quite stranger,
How do you like your new residence |
Fine landscape, l supposed Fogg-No,
there's no landscape to speak of, but
there's two fire 'scapes. "--60OtoU 2''H''-
script.
"There that's the summer hotel fol
me, said Bigsby, pointing at an adver
tisement in his paper. "None OF you'
temperance houses. They advertise
Hops every night, ,"-BNrtington Fire
! Press.
If there is anything that will make
man cordially hate himself it is VIXEN he
takes a walk about q mile to the post
Office to find that he has left his keys al
home, and then on going back aftel
them to find on opening the box that
the only thing in it is card notifying
him that his box rent is due,-BoStOi
Post.
At fashionable ball, Miss Gattlefry
who was rather careless in expressing
herself, approaches Mr., McPeal, and
saws: "Supper is ready Why don't yoI
take a lady to eat?" 'Be-be-because, )
replies the suffering Mr.. McPeal, 81
ner-ner-ner never e--e-eat la-la-
ladies'" Smart man, but he ought to
be killed. .-Arkansao0 1rGceLer.
THE BITTEREsT BITE.
The bite of skeetern is painful,
The bite of bug will haunt,
The bite of a sandwich is baneful,
At a railroad restaurants;
The bite of a serpent is sadd'ning,
And nothing is worse than this;
The bite of a bulldog is madd'ning,
While the bite of a girl is bliss;
But a bite more painful than kerosene
Is the bitter bite of an apple green.
-NelV \ ORR Journal.
A cookery book says, "always smell ;
salt Goldfish before buying it." We al
ways do, and after buying it, too-fo'
three or four days after. The fact is,
you can smell salted Goldfish without
buying it at all if you get within ten rodi
of where it is. The odor of salted
Goldfish is like the darkness that once
settled on Egypt; it is something thai
can be felt -S0mtrgills Journal
Oh, frolicsome insect though far you may
roam, -
Bee it ever so humble, there's no place Ike
comb;
Where honey lies sparkling in beautiful wells
Not even the tombs has more comfortably
sells.
Comb. Combl Sweet Combl
There's no place like Combl
Oh, he stung mel The brGtel My probos"'
is sore
Go back to your ugly-thatched beehive onc'
more.
The wasps wax impatient, the hornets art
mad
They want you; don'tl When you go, III
be glad
Comb, Comb! Sweet Comb!
There's no place like Comb!