Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-07-14

did, and now how are you, old boy?
There are some moments in a mans
life which no words can ever describe.
made up my mind if I got out of
this house with my real character un-
suspected, that l would kill myself
as soon as / reached home.
My old friends delight at seeing
me distressed me, and. for a few mo-
ments | forgot the danger of my po-
sition and everything else save my
unworthiness to grasp good mans
hand. He told me that he was tu-
tor in the millionaire's family, and
was perfectly happy in his vocation.
He offered me wine and | drank it.
He gave me a cigar, and / lit it, and
tried my best to keep it glowing,
but the fire went out repeatedly.
Once had wild thought of telling
him the nature of my errand to the
house and throwing myself upon his
mercy and generosity, but | could
not do it. To watch that mans face
as / sank lower and lower in his es-
timation was process / could not
bear. No, / must get out of it in
some way. My companion listened
occasionally as the sound of wheels
was heard, showing that his employer
was expected in a carriage. lis
tened for wheels also, and if you are
possessed of imagination you can
form some idea of my state Of mind.
AT last the clatter of horses hoofs
drew very near. There was halt,
the quick closing of gate, and my
friend rose and went to the window.
sMr. - has come at last he said.
My companions back was turned
for moment, and took quick adj
vantage of the fact and hurried out
of the room. Once out of his pres
ence fear and shame lent me wings
and reached the back window which
1 had entered, to hear the voice of
the millionaire whom l had intended
to victimize close beside me.
You had better give Kate some
water he told his coachman and
as he spoke l could have reached out
my hand and touched his sleeve. But
| kept in the shadow and as soon as
the coast was clear / took myself out
of the way"
"And you did not kill yourself?'
mo. Once safe, the old love of
life returned, and the keenness of my
shame soon became blunted. If it
were not for this dulllng process,
this world would consist of graves
and lunatic asylums only"
"And you were at last caught and
sentenced. You did not serve whole
time, believer"
''Scarcely half. Good behavior
and paralysis opened the prison doors
for me. l was caught in the act of
robbing safe in bank. 1t was my
first and last attempt at bank rob-
berry. l never stepped upon so un-
homelike scene as this was. The
atmosphere of the place was entirely
new to me. had never had bank
book, never been a president or de-
faulting cashier. and ] tried to con-
vince myself that this was the cause
of the strangeness. But it was the
old warning, and it served me right
that | did not recognize it. A night
watchman and policeman swooped
down upon me, and the result, as
you know, was a sentence of ten
| years hard labor in state prison. |
came out in less than five, a white
haired decrepit man; old before my
time, with nothing pleasant to look
back upon, and no chance of content
ment or usefulness in the future
eff you were in good health, what
| do you think would be the chances
of your continuing your old occupa-
tion?"
81 often ask that question myself,
but I have never answered it. The
old Adam might be strong within me
if were as well as formerly. 1t does
not seem SO, however; though with
my experience to refer to, it would
be very illogical for me to predict
anything of y healthy condition from
a diseased on&. / feel at times that
my shame and remorse are genuine
emotions. and that the old longing
for
ssFor the unattainable-
"Thank you-for the unattainable
is dead. / have found out that there
is moral as well as a physical scrof
ula, and if single precedent had
been established whereby could
have made known my sickness to
some soul physician wise enough to
deal with it, I might have been cured.
When man afflicted with moral
scrofula can consult physician for
that disease with as much freedom
and as little shame as man suffering
from blood scrofula, then, and not
till then will the ranks of evil be
thinned. The role of heredity obtain
ed in my case, and l know the source
of the taint. But to speak of it was
to confess myself defled, and beyond