davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

The greatest flow of natural sgas
known to the world was struck at
Wellsburg, twelve miles north of here,
this morning, at a depth Of 1887 feet.
The reservoir was tapped and the
fluid rushed out with such force as to
throw the heavy tools high in the air
and demolish the derrick. Up to this
time all efforts to cap the tub and con-
troll the gas have been futile. A light
has just been applied and the glare
on the sky is visible thirty miles
away. In quantity this well is esti-
mated to be half greater than the
famous McGurir well, making it the
largest in the world. Nearly $1,000
600 have been spent in the vicinity
boring for gas, but Wellsburg lone
has been successful, having now three
wells in operation, lighting and heat
ing the town, melting iron and glass
and entirely superseding all other
fuels. This last well will be piped to
Wheeling and supply the numerous
mills, furnaces and glass houses
here.
A fabulous price for the we'll has
been offered from Pittsburg and re-
fused. The town and surrounding
country are wild with enthusiasm.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10
Domestic Economy.

Maria" said an Allen county peas
ant to his other half, "have you eeny
idee how many young'uns we have
got?'
'Nigh onto 'lcyen l guess
"And how many dogs air there
roun o'cre?"
"Most dozen, I guess there's Tige
an Bruct, an Growler, an her four
pups, an the hound, an the terrier
an them others O Hanks that loal
around yere.'
"Yas; leven children and only :
dozen dogs-Mariar, don't ye think
we have most too many children
Times is most tarnation hard, We know
Say, can't we put out some O. The
chunkiest gals to work? l 'lowd the
they could make enough in spell ful
us to buy another dog or two"
"Jist as ye say, Hezekiah."
"Wall, / low T we could swap two
OF our young'uns fur four more dogs
wed be fixed. ! guess I'll try it"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10
why he WOuIdn't EDO.

A highly recommended young man
applied for position in a dry goods
establishment
81 like you," said the proprietor,
"and do not doubt that the recommen-
dations given you by such eminent
gentlemen are richly deserved, yet
cannot employ you. The main duty
of the position which is now vacant is
collecting bills. You would never do
for bill collector"
"Why not, sir?"
because you walk with a limp"
Every true but l can get around
actively"
"Oh. yes, but you see lame man
never makes Il successful bill collector.
Now, for instance, you were to call on
man. He would notice your limp,
and would Immediately size up your
footsteps. Your thimp, thimp, thamp,
would soon become familiar to his
ears, and he could get out Of the way
A bill collector should be able to dis
guise his walk. A lame man cannot
do this. Excuse me moment" and
the merchant disappeared. A mo-
nent afterwards a lame man entered
and asked for the tradesman; but
learning that he was out, went away
When the merchant reappeared, hC
said:
"That young fellow was a collector
but you see have got onto his walk
am glad that an example has beer
presented so opportunely. Good day
If you should ever get over you
lamencss, come around"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10
Walters on Roller Skates.

A novel and original idea is being
experimental on by the proprietors OF
the Paxton Hotel at Omaha. Having
observed the rapidity and ease with
which persons move about on roller
skates, it occurred to the Kitchen
Brothers, proprietors Of tho Paxton
that bossibly dining room walters
with the requisite amount Of practice
could Herewith facilitate table service
With this end in view, the head wait
er drilled his crew, and a few days age
the first experiment was made. A
patron of the house writes us tha,
with the exception OF two Of the boy,
who came down with the trays, every
thing passed off well.
The propriotors declare their inten
ton of giving the scheme thorough
trial, and the head waiter says he can
and will make success Of this nep
style OF service. If the skates can b,
made noiseles, and the walters becom,
expert skaters, we do not see why, a
least, in large dining rooms, the roll
er skates cannot be made very useful
The project is at least worth fai
trial, and the proprietors in question
are commended for taking the initia
step toward possible improvement Q
dining room service.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10
"Who Turn Dat Hog Loose?''

At a certain hotel in Peoria, where
the meals arc not always what they
should be, merchant traveller, one
day, sat down to the table. He put
dollar under a tumbler. and, calling
a waiter, said:
"Do you see that dollar, Jim?"
"Yes sah," replied Jim, with grin
"Well, now Jim, l want you to gel
me real good first-class dinner. You
understand"
ayes sab" and Jim set about fur
nishing feast fit for king. He hat
no time to see anybody else. He hunt
ed up new dishes, put extra touches
on everything, and kept his eye on the
dollar. Finally the NJ. 7. finished
and, wiping his mouth, winked a
jim.
Eyes sah," grinned the darkoy il
anticipation.
"Jim, do you see that dollar?" put
ting his hand on it in generou
way.
"Yes, sah."
"Well, you will never see it again,
and it went into his pocket and ou
of the dining-room, while Jim indig
nantly remarked go de Lawd, VIII
turned dat hog loose in heah?"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10
The Lincoln ....A Davis Cabinets

The grim reaper has beed more spar
ing OF the chief members Of the Con-
federate government than of the chief
contemporary members of the Union
government. Jefferson Davis is still
living, while Lincoln and Johnson are
both dead, but Alexander III. Stephens
has joined the great majority. There
were three Secretaries of State under
Davis-Judah P. Benjamin, Robert
Toombs and r. NJ. t. Hunter, all OF
whom are living, and surviving Secre-
tary Seward. There were four Con-
federate Secretaries of War. Of these,
l.. Pope Walker, the first, only sur
wives, with Simon Cameron, George
w. Randolph, James A Seddon and
John C. Brecenridge sleep with Edwin
NJ. Stanton in the City of the Silent.
There were two Confederate Secreta-
ries of the Treasury,-C. G. Memmin-
ger, who still lives, and G. A. Tren-
holm, who has passed away with Chase
and Fessenden. Davis had only one
Secretary of the Navy, S. r. Mallory
and he and Gideon Welles have both
gore to their final rest. There were
three Confederate Attorney Generals
OF these, Thomas Bragg is dead, as il
Judge Bates of the Lincoln Cabinet
and Thomas H. Watts and George e
Davis are still living.
There was only one Confederate
Postmaster General, John H. Reagan
and he survives Montgomery Blair and
Governor Dennison of the Lincoln
Cabinet, and is one OF the leading
members of the present House from
Texas He in Congress before the
war, was in the provisional Confeder
ate Congress, and was PostmasteI
General from the organization of thu
Davis administration until it held it
last Cabinet meeting at Charlotte, af
ter Appomattox. AS soon as made el
igible, he was returned to the Uniol
Congress, where he has continued un
til now, and is likely to remain his lif'
time if he shall desire it.
There are five members of the Con
fedcrnte Congress now serving in tn
Federal Congress- They are Senator
Vest of Missouri, Pugh of Alabama
Garland of Arkansas, and Representa-
tivcs Singleton and Barksdalc of Mis-
sissippi. Vest was a Confederate Sen
stor; Garland was both Senator an
Representative, and Pugh, Barksdal
and Singleton were in the Confedel
ate House.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

Her true pleasures are in the happi-
ness Of her family.-ROaLsseau
When once the young heart OF q
maiden is stolen, the maiden herself
will steal after it soon.-Moore.
Woman is a delightful musical
instrument, of which love is the bow
and man the artist Stendhdl.
When young man complains that
a young lady has no heart, it is pretty
certain that she has his.-Prentics.
Most of their faults women owe to
us, whilst we are indebted to them
for most of our better qualities
Charles LeMeSles.
A beautiful and chaste woman is
the perfect workmanship Of God, the
true glory of angels, the rare miracle
of earth and the sole wonder of the
world.-HermeS.
She was little known beyond her
home but there she silently spreads
around her that soft, pure light, the
preciousness of which ID never fully
understood till it is quenched.-
Claiming.
Women are the poetry of the world
in the same sense as the stars are the
poetry of heaven. Clear, light-giving,
harmonious, they are the terrestrial
planets that rule the destinies of man
kind.-Hargrave.
Few great men have fourished who,
were they candid, would not acknowl-
edge the vast advantage they have
experienced in the earlier years OF
their career from the spirit and sym
pathy of women.-BcdcOnsfeld.
Women are not only justified, but
exhibit the most exalted virtue, when
they do depart from the domestic cir,
Gle and enter on the concerns OF theil
country, of humanity, and of theil
God.-John Quincy adams.
o women thou knowest the houl
when the good man of the house vii
return, when the heat and burden o.
the day are past; do not let him al
such time, when he is weary with toi
and jaded with discouragement, fine
upon his coming to his habitatior
that the foot which should hasten tt
meet him is wandering at distance
that the soft hand which should wipe
the sweat from his brow is knocking
at the door OF other houses Washing
ton Fring.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

"Wake up" exclaimed Mrs Null
berry in a fond whisper, as she punch
ed the fond Mulberry in the short ribs
with her elbow the other night wake
up I'm shure here burglars down
in the dining-room,"
Don't disturb them then," said the
drowsy Mulberry, turning over on the
other side. Be just as quiet as you
can, and maybe they will eat some
of that fruit cake you have in the pan.
try"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10
Base Engratitutie.

$50 you refuse to buy me that new
silk dressl" said an Austin girl to her
mother.
"No, Esmeralda, I really can't afford
it."
$50, that's the way you treat me
who have made you a happy mother
o, how sharper than serpent's tooth
it is to have thankless mother
When you first became my mother,
never dreamed that it would come tC
this"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

Lady Montague said, at goes far
toward reconciling me 10 being a
woman when reflect that am in no
danger of marrying one" Now that
is singular The very thing which she
feared, is just what reconciles the rest
of us to being men.
There is a report that General But
Ter really contemplates writinga book.
A Boston publisher says that if he
would write book in two volumes it
would be easy to sell 250,000 copies
through agents, This, at fifty cents a
volume, would give the author a'roy-
atty of $250,0OO
Cincinnati is in danger OF losing its
reputation as music-loving center.
The late opera festival wound up with
loss Of ofs$2o0OO, and it is expected
that 10000 will be lost in the Nav
festival. The city takes more natu-
rally TO floodsand fights than TO festi.
walls.
Leopold Morse, of Massachusetts,
is the only professed Jew in congress
He is native of Bavaria, but came to
this country when quite young. He
began business in Boston in little
clothing store Now he is worth 81 j,
100000 or more. He has been in con
gress three times
A printer who died in Charity
hospital New York, the other day
asked for a chew of tobacco only {
short time before his "form" was closed
About week previous to that a con
sumtive died who was mere skele
ton, so weak for days that he coulC
scarcely raise his hands, much les,
his body. Yet one of his last requests
on the day he died was for tobacco
He had used it steadily'and could no
be kept from it.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

A traveller in Arkansas found the
following notice stuck ON the ferry
mans door at Cache River: "Noatis
EFF emmy body Gums hear arter ticker
or to git akross the river, they can ges
blow this hear horn, and ef | don't
cum when my Betsy up at the House
hears the horn blowin', shele cum
down and sell them Ticker, or set them
akross the river, ime away from hoam
jonn wilson. N B them that can't
rede will have to go TO the Hous ar
ter Betsy taint but hafc IA mile down
thar"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10
Aid to the Injured.

j. Bites Of all eorts are painful, and
il not treated with expedition and
skill they sometimes prove very dan
gerous. The most common kinds are
those received from dogs, mosquitoes,
and bears. The rarest kinds are trilo-
bites and Jacobitcs.
9. One seldom if ever gots bite
when out fishing.
8. Ifabout to be bitten by a dog,
while serenading or foraging in a mel
on-patch, Immediately take some vio-
lent exercise in order to preserve n
good circulation. For instance, run
mile or so without stopping.
4. Never stop running because
there is a man with club apparently
chasing the dog-sometimes he is en-
couraging him.
5. If this does not accelerate the
action of the heart, climb the nearest
tree.
6. Do not get down for the purpose
of rescuing the sample of your trous-
ers. This is one of the dogs porquis-
ties, and he wants it for his scrap,
book.
7. When mosquito begins to bite
do not slap him. Some authorities in.
sist that you should let him finish and
then offer him a toothpick and an af
ter-dinner cigar.
s. The above rule applies strictly
to mosquitoes and must not be extend
ed to include dogs or bears.
8, On suddenly entering a parlol
where the mistietoe hangs you may
surprise young man apparently in
the act of biting young lady on tho
cheek. The symptoms which follow
this generally include blushing and &
tendency to talk about the weather
The most popular remedy is a solitaire
ring applied to the third finger Of tn,
young lady's left hand.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

The Democratic primaries should
speak out as to tariff reform. Let
there be no compromise with this pro-
lection heresy. The few men who are
leading in that role, and are seeking
to be delegates to the Chicago Demo-
cratic Convention, will find Jordan a
hard road to travel. We must have
a James X. Polk low tariff. So in
struct.-NdShpiHe W0rld.
Two eminent members of the Irish
bar quarreled some years ago, 50 vio-
lently, that from words they came to
blows. The more powerful man Cat
the fists at least) knocked down his
adversary twice, exclaiming: "You
scoundrel, I'll make you behave your
self like a gentleman" To which the
other rising, answered with equal in
dignation "No, sir, never; ! defy you
i defy you-you can't do it!"
II haven't got any case" said the
client. "But have money" "How
much2" asked the lawyer FIFTY
thousand dollars" was the reply
"Phewl you have the best case l evel
heard of. I'll see that you never &C
to prison with that sum-" said the at
torney, cheerfully. And the mar
didn't-he went there "broke."
"Well' Pat" was asked OF a recently
arrived emegrant, "and how do yor
like American"
"It's a foine country, sor."
"Havc you succeeded in gcttin.
work YETI"
"No, sor; but ! have friend il
Washington who is after getting me
pension"
1t is estimated from q statistica
point of view that loss of appetite
among young people on account O
love, annually saves to this conntr
$100,0000O0. Perhaps so; but the eS
pence of extra light and fuel and cal
amels and ice cream, on the same &C
count, it is estimated, more than bal
ances this amount.
"What would you do If you were
and l were you?" tenderly inquired
~ young swell of his lady friend, as h
escorted her home from churcl
"Well," she replied, "if | were you
would throw away that vile cigarette
cut up my cane for fre-wood, wear m
watch ohain underneath my coat, an
stay at home nights and pray 70
brains"
Lawyer Blank was in his usui
cynical mood. "I don't see how it is,
he said, chat the devil always seem
to get ahead Of the Lord, notwithstan(
ing you say the Creator is all powe
full" "Ah, but you forget" reptile
the parson' "that the devil has all til
lawyers on his side.
1t is said that Lake Moosehicmagl
Observation-Disclosures, in til
State of Maine, is becoming populs
Summer resort. 1t takes an America
u fortnight to learn to spell it, an
none but Germans and Welshman e.
er attain the correct pronouncii
ton.
Oh, will he bite?" exclaimed one I
, the sweetest girls with look of alarm
when she saw one of the dancin
bears in the street the other da,
NO." said her escort che connot bit
he is muzzled; but he can hug
"0h," she said, with distractin
. smile, 'I don't mind that"
: 81 have always a welcome for thee
1 rs the spider said to the blue-bott
tly
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

"Now. Johnny, if six men can do a
piece Of work in one day, how long
will it take one man to do itf" asked
an Austin school teacher of sharp
little boy.
"The school teacher is fool if he
thinks / can answer that question, y
whispered Johnny in a low voice tc
the next boy.
"Speak out, Johnny. l dare say
you are right" replied the peda-
gogue.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10
When One Husband Thought
Very Hard

II don't see why you are so particu-
lar about your hair" said a churlish
husband. II don't suppose Eve ever
wore bangs"
81 don't suppose she did," replied
the wife, with a quiet smile, "but then
there was nobody in the world but her
husband to admire her."
The husband became very thought
ful.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

Being asked at the table if she would
take some more cabbage, young
lady recently returned from boarding
school, replied: "By no means, mad
anne; astronomical safety admon-
ishes me that have arrived at the
ultimate of culinary dcglutition con-
sistent with the code Of Esculapius."
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10
On the Safe Side.

First Western Desperado-Well, did
you kill old Col. Rich?
Second Desperado-Yes, l fotched
him.
"But where is the horse?"
~ did not touch that"
"Did not take the horse?"
Certainly not. In this section
they will hang man for stealing a
horse"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

An Iowa parent requires his chill
dren to talk very nice at the dinner
table, thusly-"Most respected and
revered father, I'll take another tatcr." F"
-PretsePs IKeekly
There are 25,000,O00 to S0,O0O,O0O
hats made annually in this country,
and when a man is the last to leave a
banquet he generally gets the worst
one.-N, Herald.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

Dear Hubby-Please send by mon
ey order $50. want to get dress.
GENEvIEvE.
p. 81 had almost forgot to send
my love. Your little wiley. q
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

Dear Genevieve--I send you my un-
dying, best love. Your husband,
CHARLES.
p. 81 had almost forgot to say
that can't send the $50. With o
kiss, CHARLES.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-05-10

About the only chin awaiting the
initiatory labor Of the barber is the
uEchin.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1884-05-02
NATIONAL WO0L GROWERS
CONVENTION.

The Milwaukee Sentinel very per-
tinently asks, ssWhat are the wool
growers of Wisconsin doing to be rep
resented in the Wool Growers Nation
al Convention to be held in Chicago"
That question applies forcibly to the
wool growers of Kenosha county. A
large majority of the farmers in this
county are the keepers of sheep, and
ought to be represented in the conven-
ton. The sheep growers of the county
would do well to choose one or more
delegates to attend the convention, who
would be able to make report at a
future meeting of wool growers in this
county. This has become an interest
in Kenosha county second to no other.
The Chicago convention is designed to
have an influence in calling the atten-
tion of Congress to the protection of an
interest which is in danger of being in
jured by opening the way for the i'm
portation of cheaper wool from foreign
lands. The statistics of the United
States census of 1880 show that the
amount of wool grown in the United
States falls much below the actual
wants of the people; therefore the
necessity of encouragement of this
home production.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1884-05-02
REVEVING THE DEAD PAST.

The Democrats are at a loss how to
make out case against the Republic
can party, and therefore in some of
their state conventions have inserted
a plank in their platforms, charging g
that President Hays was elected over
Tilden by fraudulent electoral COM
mission. Should Tilden happen to be
nominated by the Democratic Conven-
ton, this absurd story of his having
been cheated out Of the Presidency by
fraudulent means in 1876 will probably
constitute the chief burden of the
Democratic speakers in the fall cam
paign. If the election of Hays was
by fraud, then the Democrats them
selves We're a party to it. In 1876
there arose a question which was the
legally elected candidate, Hays or Til
den? There being no law to settle the
points at issue, Congress passed a law
creating a commission to determine
which was the rightful President.
This commission was a compromise
agreed to by the friends of Hays and
Tilden. If the commission was a
fraud, then the Democrats were equal
ly responsible for it as the Republic
ans. for Such a tribunal cnuld novnr
have been created without the consent
of both political parties. But mark it.
Should Tilden be nominated by the
National Democratic Convention at
Chicago in July next, this same old
story will be resurrected, dressed anew
to excite sympathy for the man of
whom it will be alleged was once elect
ed President, and then cheated out of
the Office.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1884-05-02
SLOW PROGRESS.

There is probably no representative
government in the world where the
business of legislation moves as slow
as in the United States. Congress has
now been in session FIVE months, and
as yet no legislation of great import
ance has had final action. Whose
fault is it that so many months have
been talked away and so little done {?
The Democrats have majority of 81
in the House, and in that body bills of
the greatest Importance originate; es-
pecially the annual appropriation bills,
for carrying on the operations of the
government, must first come from che
House. These bills involve MANY mil
lions of dollars, and without their pas
sage the wheels of government must
stop. The Democrats in the House have
no excuse for not proceeding steadily
on with the business before them; the
Republican minority is powerless to
arrest the progress of legislation, or to
carry it forward. 1t has often been
the case that bills providing for large
expenditures of money are allowed to
remain without definite action until
near the close of the session, and then
hastily rushed through; in this way
great steals on the government have
taken place.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1884-05-02

wishes, as in Milwaukee; 5000 is a low
license compared with the amount
authorized by other states around US.
In the State of Illinois $500 is the
amount required for license by the
laws of the state, and where the
municipal authorities are given the
power by their charter still higher
rates are in many instances exacted.
The price for liquor licenses having
been settled in this city, the next ques-
ton is how many saloons in this city
does the public good require2 A due
regard to the public welfare should
govern all municipal and state legisla-
ton. Prohibition did not enter into
the issue at the April election, but the
policy of high license was distinctly
recognized. The authorities are there
fore expected to grant licenses for the
sale Of intoxicating drinks, but what
number does the public necessity de-
mand2