davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22
STARTLING.

Somerville girl was recently so startled by being kissed suddenly that she died. We hasten to say that Somerville girls as rule need not fear.-Boston Post.
 'ENever play with natches,' says writer Young men in love will do well to cut this out and paste it somewhere where the light will strike it.-Burlington Free Press
 In making presents, my son, let not your gifts be too valuable. It was 8 goose, you will remember, that laid golden egg. And you know how he was rewarded for his lavish liberality Transcript.
 The speaker of the British House of Com mons, MT. Brand, said he would have wished to die in the service of the House, but his health forbade it. A man whose health for bids his dying is very lucky.-N. Y. Jour nal.
 The Rev. Mir. Beecher says: "Pick out the worst, the meanest, the dirtiest rascal of the crowd-bad as he is, there is within him a pearl" Perhaps so; but it is safe to bet that there is more beer than pear1.-Norristown Herald
 1T see,'' said Jones, "that Brown calls himself an independent, and yet this very morning saw his wife banging him over the head with a broomstick. Gracious! I'm glad I ain't an independent. "-Kentucky State Jo urna1.
 A Texas man has invented machine for washing dishes. If it doesn't demand five nights week out, nor surreptitiously borrow it's mistress best bonnet for an afternoon promenade, the probabilities are that it will be in demand.-Norristown Herald.
 t'Will you have salt on your eggs?' asked the hotel waiter of the guest. "Oh, no, thanks. They are not at all fresh" Then the waiter went out to consult the landlord to see if the hotel had been insulted.-Mer- chant Traveller.
 Flat? She-''Why did you come to tho country so late this year1" He (recently married) )-''I have been ransacking the city to get stylish flat for next winter, but I couldn't find one." She-"You are not as lucky as your wife. life.
 Some inventive genius has produced ma chine that will darn stockings. One by one the few remaining inducements for men to marry are being withdrawn, and it is not surprising that women are casting about for new spheres-Detroit Free Press
 Calves can walk as soon as they are born. kittens are as lively as crickets when @ week old, and little chicks have command of all their faculties as soon as they can break the shell; but human baby is utterly helpless for months, hence nature gave the baby Q soul-racking pair of Iungs.-Philadelph Call.
 "Remus, wha' come yo' las Sunday2 Didn't see yer to de chu'ch'' 'I waz dar. Sam1; passed de sasser." 'fOh, dat counts fo' not seein' yer. You see dar's been so much beggin' goin' on round ter de ch'ch ob late dat now days a mans gotter 90 down pbtty deep ter fin sufin', an I speck I muster bin down in der bottom of my pocket browsin' fur change when yo' kim along an course couldn't see yer fo'm dar. .''-Yon- kers Gazette.
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22
THE HTMOR OF WOMEN.
Quick Sallies of Ready Wit From the
 Lips of the Gentler Sex.


 Lips of the GentIer Sex.
 [Alice Wellington Rollins in the Criticl
 We claim high rank for the humor of wo- men because it is almost exclusively of the higher, imaginative type. woman rarely tells an anecdote, or hoards up good story, or comes in and describes to you something funny she has seen. Her humor is like a flash of lightning from clear sky, coming when you least expect it, when it could not have been premeditated, and when to the av- craze consciousness there is not the slightest provocation to humor, possessing thus in the very highest degree that element of surprise which is not only factor in all hunor, but, to our mind, the most important factor. You tell her that you cannot spend the winter with her because you have promised to spend it with some one else, and she exclaims, 70, Ellen! why were you not born twins! She has perhaps recently built for herself a most charming home, and coming to see yours which happens to be just trife more luxu- rious and charming, she remarks as she turns away: "All can say is, when you want to see squalor, come and visit me in Oxford street." She puts down her heavy coffee cup of stone china with it's untasted coffee at a little country inn, saying with a sigh: |'It's use; I can't get at it; it's like trying to drink over a stone wall" She writes in a letter, ''We parted this morning with mutual satisfaction; that is, I suppose we did; know my satisfaction was mutual enough for two" She asks her little restless daughter in the most insinuating tones if she would not like to ''sit in papa's lap and have him tell her a story;' and when the little daughter re- spends with most uncompromising '"no!'' turns her inducement into threat and re- marks with severity, Well, be good girl, or you will have top She complains, when you have kept her waiting while you were buying undersleeves, that you must have bought 'undersleeves enough for a centipede' 3 You ask how poor MT. X-is-the discon- solate widower who fortnight ago was com p1etely prostrated by his wifes death, and | are told in calm and even tones that he is l beginning to take notice" You tell her that l one of the best fellows in the class has been l unjustly expelled, and that the class are to wear crape on their left arms for thirty days, and that you only hope that the president ! will meet you in the college yard and ask l why you wear it, to all of which sine replies soothingly, q wouldn't do that Henry, for 1 the president might tell you not to mourn, l as your friend was not lost, only gone be- l fore" You tell her of your stunned sensa- tion on finding some of your literary work | complimented in the Nation, and she ex- claims: ''I should think so It must be l like meeting an Indian and seeing him put l his hand into his pocket to draw out 1 scented pocket handkerchief instead of 1 tomahawk." Or she writes that two Sunday l schools are trying to do. all the good they l can, but that each is determined, at any cost, 1 to do more good than the other.
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22
NEW HAVEN CONN, TUESDAY MORNING,
Tuesday, July 22, 1884.
REPUBLICAN NOMINATIONS.
 FOR PRESIDENT, JAMES G. BLAINE, of Maine.
 FOR VICE PRESIDENT, JOHN A. LOGAN, Of Illinois.

HENDRICKS CONSISTENT RECORD.
 The F'records" of the nominees for Vice President will receive more attention this year than usual. And some of those Repub- icans who think they can vote for Cleveland will perhaps change their minds when they take good look at the record of Thomas A. Hendricks, who will be elected if Cleveland h.
 Hendricks record is certainly consistent one. In the days before the war when the supporters of slavery were trying to break down the Missouri compromise he was in Congress doing all he could to aid the slave power. In 1869 and 1868 he was one of the most savage opponents of the government in the whole West. He denounced the war in traitorous speeches and was the successful candidate for the United States senate of ''the rebel legislature of Indiana, body so- called because majority of it's members were also members of the Knights of the Golden Circle" and kindred organiza- tions of copperheads and traitors. When President Lincoln issued bis emancipation proclamation, Hendricks fought fercely against it and denounced it as a W1ckeQ In1nS. when the nat1On was asked to ratify by constitutional amendment the abolition of slavery he opposed the amend ment day after day from his place in the senate, and when the decisive vote was taken was one of the six senators who were found voting against it. He was one of An drew Johnson's strongest supporters in the trying years immediately succeeding the war. He opposed all reasonable projects for the assumption and payment of the national debt in honest money. He was an enemy of the resumption act, and denounced it as failure only six months before it was an &C., complished success Since then he has advo- cated the craziest form of the "Greenback heresy," and has demanded that the country plunge itself into the abyss of an irredeem- able currency.
 This is a fine record to ask the American people to countenance. The Democrats have a presidential candidate who has no record, to speak of, and candidate for the vice pres idency who has record enough, but not such a one as his supporters like to speak of. Why should any Republican who knows what the Republican party's work has been vote for Hendricksz It would not be much worse to vote for ia rebel general y
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22

Cheng Tsao Ju, the Chinese minister who sails from New York to-day diplomatic business, gave some advice to an assembly of his countrymen in New York which indi- cates the Chinese feeling towards the people of this country. He told his hearers that no matter how accustomed they became to American customs these customs could never equal those of China, and he did not advise them to become permanent citizens here.
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22

Latest adviees from Brazil say that the new ministry is about to present an impor-
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22
BURDOCK BLOOD BITTERS l.
 The Talk of the People Who Use Ii.

"A good medicine
 Never had anything act so pleasantly the bowels
 'One dose cured after-dinner headache"
 'One bottle did my dyspepsia more good than all the medicine ever used.''
 Never saw anything so quickly cure bilious at- tack
 "A wonderful Blood Purifier"
 "A perfect cure for all scrofulous taint."
 From Mir William W. Jones, of Cardoina, Clay County Ind-For the last two years have been seriously unwell. It would be difficult to describe all the little ailments that have united to render my existence miserable in the extreme. Pains in the breast-a heavy, dull sensation in my head-faint- at the stomach-weakness ill the legs-kidneys badly deranged-restless sleep-complexion sallow strength all gone. Rendered desperate, went to the northern part of Michigan, hoping that change of climate would do me good. 1gOt no benefit. Last Spring went to the city of Terre Haute and resorted to the artesian baths there for five weeks. One day, glancing through the papers, noticed an advertisement of Burdock Blood Bitters June commenced taking this medicine, though. must admit with little or no expectation of relief. The result was, however marvellous and gratifying be- yond measure Since using these Bitters have not lost days work. They take right hold and the effects always pleasing. Jy2l 6dlW
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22
Bob IngersoH and the Cigar.


 Bob Ingerson tells-in private though-a good story at his own expense, but one which we see no reason should not be enjoyed by the world at large. It seems that while In eersoll was in Cleveland, soon after his sue cessfu1 legal fight with the Star reuters, sort of anti-tobacco crusade had been started in that city and 8 well-known Boston scien- tist was delivering nightly lectures against the use of the soothing weed. This speaker invited others to argue the question with him, but, although the smokers were largely in the majority, the Boston man invariably proved too clever. for the debaters brought against him.
 Availing themselves of Ingersolls pres ence, some of his friends begged the great orator to take up the cudgels in behalf of the tobacco users, which he condescended to do, more as & joke than for any serious reason. That evening the hall was jamned and when the prohibitionist requested an answer to his arguments, Bob solemnly rose and said he would reply to the statement of his elo- quent friend by the relation of a simple incl dent. He said: "I was once attending to a mining case in one of the widest and most lawless regions of Utah. A murder had re- gently been committed by notorious thief, and 8 committee of local vigilantes were watching for him at every cross-road. Just after nightfan 1 was riding back to the town from the mine, mounted on white horse. The vigilantes had received information that the desperado in question would pass the very road the same evening also riding on a white horse. The posse had ambushed them selves in some chapparal, and as came down the bridle-path they got ready to fire all to- gether-for they waste no time on trial in that section. Entirely unconscious that half dozen shotguns were sighting my shirt front, stopped my horse, struck match and proceeded to light my cigar Thinking that the light would give them still better mark to shoot at, the concealed party held their fire for a second. In that second the blaze of the match reflected on my features, revealing they were not those of the man they awaited, and, stepping out on the road, they congratulated me on my narrow escape. Ands so, ladies and gentlemen, if hadn.t t had the good fortune to be smoker 1 wouldn't be here now"
 stAnd you call that fortune9" grimly asked l the anti i-fobacco lecturer, after the applause 1 had subsided.
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22
BROADWAY CASH STORE,
THE SEAL OF NORTH Q
 PLU G CI

Nice Cucumbers 2c each. Cuba and Bermuda Onions 40c peck Tomatoes 6c quart Round Steak 18c lb Top Round Steak 18c a lb. Tender loin Steak 22c lb. Porterhouse Steak 22c lb Best Rib Roast 1Sc a lb. Chuck Roast Beef 4c a ID. Soup Meat 5c ID. We are selling Spring Lamb and Prime Veal very low. Corned Beef from to 12c a ID. Sugar Cured Hams 1516c, also Sugar Cured Shoulders only lie ID. Fresh Bologna 16c 1 ID. Cooked Corned Beef 16c a ID for Saturday.
 Also Spring Chickens Qarge broiling) only 2Sc Ib
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22

Wasn't itf' inquired Bob, with a plain tive smile.
 ''I don't see it." thundered his opponent. Eff it hadn't been for that miserable clear there would have been one less lawyer in the world'
 And, amid the roar that followed, Ineer- soil sat down, completely knocked out in one round
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22

tant emancipation measure to Parliament Among the questions to be submitted are these: The liberation of all slaves over sixty years of age and what shall be done to insure their support-whether it will devolve upon their ex-masters or upon the government; the propriety of oblging freedmen to work; the augmentation of the emancipation fund by taxing all classes, and whether planters should not be required to pay in addition ac- cording to the number of slaves held; the
 localization of slavery within the provinces;
 the fixing of maximum price to be paid for
 emancipations from the fund, and whether
 this should be according to age and pro-
 fession, and also whether it should not be
 annually reduced until the extinction of
 slavery.
 mob broke into the jail at Owensboro, Kentucky, last week, and took prisoner out and hung him. This occurrence is made the text of a notable article in the Louisville Courier-Journal, which tells the people of Kentucky some wholesome truths. It says: We must go to the root of the disease, and 1t will be found in the fact that the courts of this commonwealth have frittered away and quibbled the chief defences of the people. By their delays and judgments, by their tolera- tion of inconsistent pleas, by their indiffer- ence to public safety they have almost abol- ished capital punishment, and have made the most noted criminals the most distinguished and most privileged citizens of the State The conviction that the higher crimes cannot be punished in Kentucky has taken firm hold on the minds of our people. each year this conviction is Estrengtheneds and the result is that when any community is shocked by 8 ! grave and unusual crime the passions of the people are aroused, and under the plausible plea of sef-protection an appeal is made to Judge Lynch, in whose court only the verdict of guilty is ever rendered, and from whose sentence not even a governors pardon avai1s
Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-22

The Boston Herald is very much opposed to Blaine, but the Augusta (Maine) core spondent of the Herald can't find anything in the political outlook in that State which will give the Herald much comfort. He says the drift of the vote of Maine is largely towards Blaine
The Penn's Grove record., 1884-12-20

Hon. Israel $. Adams died at Boxers
Vile. Atlantic county, on Saturday
weeky after a lingering Illness eyed 90
IL was a prominsnt Republic
can, a member of the state Executive
Committee, q candidate for Elector in
The last campaign and a year ago. was
prominently named for the nomination
for Governor. lie owned hundreds Of
acres in Atlantic county and was repor-
tel wealthy. fIe was a Director of The
West Jersey and Camden and Atlantic
Railroads and other corporation s. In
1861 President Lincoln appointed him
Collector of Customs at Somers' Point,
which Office he continued to hold uIin-
terruptedly till his death. Years ago
he was Captain Of a coasting vessel,
and at oneitiine owned perhaps o
vessel propery than AIRY other man in
South Jersey
II looks as th~oughitke bankrupt city
OF Elizabeth had received an impetus
that may ultiEcately put it ON its feet
again. Tie largest propert y-holdsrs of
the city have failed to pay their taxes
for the past few years, thus increasing
the debt. ave Legislature passed u
law last winter making those who rent
houses and stores responsible for the
- r. - :
being enforced aud no poll tax is
levied. The result is that numbers o.
prominent tenants were ordered ly the
Comptroller 10 withhold raging the
lanlords their rent until the la idlt rls
had paid their taxes. This Iule was
put in OF GRAFTON this week and las
resulted in II sudden and large increa.e
to the. income,of the'city.
The Penn's Grove record., 1884-12-20

honey, sges, bones, guano,
manure, Vte. horse hair, rushes,
oilers, strA Coins of gold or silver.
Subject m oEly-Ci9ars, cigarettes,
begueross 81 Der popnd. 12t percent.
ad val6rem; acco leaves reqciring
more thaA1Q8 the pound, if having
stems, 81 CD per pound, without
stems, 50 ceuk hbtl er tobacco in leaves
,lx1ving stems4sh celnts per pouHd; to
bacco manufactured OF every kind,
tobacco without stems, 20 cents per
pound; snuff, powdered tobacco, %
cents per pound: tobacco not manufac-
tured, 10 per. cent. al vs!orem.
Articles the product OF the United
States which shall be admitted into
Cuba:
Exempt from duty--Beer, fresh
meats, bacon, fruits, fish, shell fish
grain ans, ether cereals excepting rice,
,f0sr of ca reals other than rice, Lard,
swine, beef, cheese, eggs and bread,
woods Of all kinds, slaves, knees, tim
Der, pipes, boxes of wood, cattle sheep
and goats, hogs, stones and earths
employed in construction and in the
artj and industries, clay, tiles, bricks,
and tiles unglaled, hides and undressed
skins, minerals or metals, coins OF sill
YER and gold, useful tools, agricultural
implements, agricultural apparatus,
industrial and scientific motors of
classes ana. materials, separate Rarts CT
thessasne raw cotton, hemp; q x, 1ute,
and all other raw vegetable hbres,
woods, hogs hair, raw horse hair
asphalt, refined bitumen, tar, pitch and
resin. petroleum raw Oh crude, min eral
and vegetable Goals, mineral waters,
trees, plants, vine shoots AM seeds,
natural and artificial manures, marble,
jasper, alabasler in blocks and sheets,
rough or prepared, other stones and
earths employed in construction, mill
erals and metals, mineral waters, ice,
cast iron in pigs and all forms Of waste
steel and iron, cast.iron in tubes, the
sameananufactured malleable iron and
steel in bars aud all classes of wire in
copper anl iron, nails, screws, rive;s,
wrought iron tubes, wire sauze unman-
ufactured.- -Er.
The Penn's Grove record., 1884-12-20
THE NEW SPANISH TREATY.

Minister Foster, representing this
country at the court of Spain, recently
made a reciprocity treaty with that
country, by means of which, for CON
cessions made to the United States,
certain articles FROM Cuba and Porto
Rice are to be admitted to this country
either free of duty n at a reduced
rate. The.following clauses cover some
of the important points:
Articles the product of the provinces
of Cuba and Porto Rico to be admitted
into the United States on the following
conditions: Free from duty-Horses,
cocoa, coffee, fish, fresh fruits, cotton,
hemp, fax, hides, skins addressed,
aniline and mineral dyes, palm oil,
sugars not above Nc. 10, Dutch stan
dard in color, loayes of ~crystalized
syrup of the sugar cane, melada, mo-
lasses, seeds, woods, cast iron, eggs,
The Penn's Grove record., 1884-12-20

The famous steamship Great Las
tern, the largest vessel ever built, will
be one of the attractions at the New
q. leans Exposition. Edward NJ. Pine,
Il special commissioner, has just re-
turned from London, where he form
, ed a syndicate OF seven, who have
chartered the vessel for a year, at a
cost of SIS, 900. The Great Eastern
has OF late beon more curious than
useful, and has long been idle. 1t cast
her owners $4,000 a year to keep her
in older. She is an eighth OF a mile
cong, eighty-three feet wide, and has
six masts, the mainmast beirg 30 feet
high, and carries 5000 square yards of
, canuass. Her capacity is q, 800 tons,
and each line OF her chain weighs sew
enty-fve pounds. She is propelled by
two paddle-wheels and a screw, the
shaft of which is $50 feet long: two and
a half feet in diameter, and weighs Six
ty tons. The Great Eastern started
for New Orleans with a crew of 400, on
November 80.
The Penn's Grove record., 1884-12-20

A large and enthusiastic gathering
OF representative Prohbiti0nists from
all over the State was held in Trenton
on Thursday of last week.
Plans aud organization for the
future were adopted. Ar Executive
COMMITTEE of three will be formed in
each county. fr0n which a State Cen
trail COMMITTEE Of one form each Con-
gressional district will be formed;
County Conventions will be held in
January, February and March to perfect
local organization; hereafter each ward
and township will be entitled to one
delegate for twenty-five Prohibitionist
votes cast at last election, each town
ship and ward, however, TO have n
delegate, even if no votes have been
east; $1,000 will be raised and called
the pioneer Prohibition Fund.- the
State Committee will employ a state
Organizer, and 10 per cent. OF the
fund ill be spent for temperance liter
allure; seven or more convention viii
he held in the summer in various parts
of the States under the management of
the State Committee; resolutions de-
claring confidence in st. John, the ne
.cessity of continuing the organization
calling on the Government to restrict
the importation of liquors, and favor
ing a prohibitory amendment to the
State Constitution.