The Columbus journal., 1884-07-30
Mr.. Smiths StOve.pipe.

Once upon time there lived certain
man and wife, and their name-well,
think it must have been Smith, Mr. and
Mrs. John Smith One chilly day in
October Mrs. Smith said to her hus-
band John. | really think we must
have the stove up in the sitting room. "
And Mr.. Smith from behind his news
paper answered Well" Three hun
dred and forty-siX times did Mr.. and
Mrs. Smith repeat this conversation.
and the three hundred and forty-seventh
time Mr.. Smith added: I'LL get Brown
to help me about it some day."
1t is uncertain how long the matter
would have rested thus, had not Mrs.
Smith crossed the street and asked
neighbOr Brown to come over and help
her husband set up stove. and as she
was not his wife he politely consented
and came at once.
With great deal of grunting, putting
and banging, accompanied by some
words not usually mentioned in polite
society, she two men at last got the
stove down from the attic. Mrs. Smith
had placed the zinc in its proper
position, and they put the stove way to
one Side of it. but of course that didn' I
matter.
Then they proceeded to put up the
stove-pipe. MIR. Smith pushed the knee
into the chimney, and Mr. Brown fitted
the upright part to the stove. Tine next
thing was to get the two pieces to come
together. They pushed and pulled, they
yanked and wrenched, they rubbed off
hp hni 81.
tered remarks. wise and otherwise
Presently it occurred to Mr. Smith
that hammer was just the thing that
was needed. and he went for one Mr.
Brown improved the opportunity to wipe
the perSpiration from his noble brow,
totally obliviouS of the fact that he
thereby ornamented his severe counte-
nance with several landscapes done in
stove backing. The hammer didn't
seem TO be just the thing that was
needed. after all Mr.. Smith pounded
until he had spoiled the shape of the
stove-pipe. and still the peSk thing
wouldn't 90 in, SO he became eXasper-
ated and threw away the hammer 1t
fell on Mr.. Browns toe, and that
worthy man cjaculated-well, it's no
matter what he calculated. Mr.. Smith
replied to his ejaculation. and then Mr..
Brown went home.
Why continue the tale? EVERYBODY
knows that Mr.. Smith. after making a
great deal of commotion. finally sue
ceeded in getting the pipe into place,
that he was perfectly savage to every
body for the rest of the day. and that
the next time he and Brown met on the
street both were looking intently the
other way.
But there is more to tell. 1t came to
pass in the course of the winter that
the pipe needed cleaning out Mrs.
Smith dreaded the ordeal. both. for her
own sake and her husbands. 1t hap
pened that the kitchen was presided
over by that rareSt of treasures. q good
natured and competent hired girl. This
divinity proposed that they dispense
with Mr.. Smiths help in clearing ont
tine pipe. and Mrs. Smith, with sigh
of relief, consented. They carefully
pulled the pipe apart, and. holding the
pieces in a horizontal position that no
SCOT might fall on the carpet, carried it
into the yard.
After they had swept out the pipe and
carried it back they attempted to put it
up. That must have been An unusually
obstinate pipe, for il steadily refused 70
90 together. The minds of Mrs. Smith
and her housemaid were sufficiently
broad to grasp this fact after few
trials; therefore they did not waste thea
strength in vain attempts. but rested.
and in an exceedingly unmasculine way
held consultation. The girl went fcr
= hammer, and brought also q Bit Of
beard. She placed this on top of the
nine. raieea ker hammer, MEs. SRith