Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-07-14
A Retired Burglar.

sorry, indeed, but the talker in this
case must only be known to the
talkee.'
| There was no way of evading these
terms, and they were accepted with
| thanks.
''How is it that my English is SO
good? Then you do observe differ
ence between my English and that of
most men of my profession? I am
glad this is the case. I had educa-
ton; in fact, I was intended for the
ministry. You laugh, my friend. /
assure you it was only feathers
weight that decided my vocation.
My mind was of a studious, philo-
sophical and scientific cast. / got
into a fog about free-will and pre-
destination, and there / stuck. 1t
was impossible for me to preach Ell
ther doctrine, and 1 certainly was
bound to commit myself to one or
the other. There was still another
obstacle in my path. 1t was this.
l was born with an overweening de-
! sire fol the unattainable.
This was certainly poetic way of
getting round the eighth command
ment, and the writer's respect increas-
ed prodigiously.
81 was so constituted" the speak
er proceeded, ''that | could not care
for anything, however beautiful,
which was within my reach. Now,
l was not responsible for coming into
the world, neither was l responsible
for the law of heredity. 1t was
great deal safer to address cultivat-
ed audience twice Sunday, and
make few pastoral calls during the
week, than to climb into mans
house in the dead of the night, and
creep into his bedroom and walk off
with his pocket book and diamond
studs. | studied theology with the
best old man that ever lived, and he
considered me brilliant and hopeful
disciple, but 1 spent three weeks
planning to rob him-to rob him ar
tistically, mean. I could have done
this without suspicion at any time,
for the whole house was open to me.
But the things / coveted were not
valuable to me until they were locked
up. This desire was stronger than
life and stronger than death, for l
risked death many a time to accom-
plish it. / could not believe that il
had been predestinated from the be-
ginning of things that my career was
to be that of a burglar, and l knew
that l was not free agent. You can
comprehend my dilemma -
This was plausible though the treat
ment of the subject, it was observed,
was somewhat new, as we'll as tride
mystical.
eyes," was the calm response.
"You have become accustomed to
certain terms, certain modes and
forms of expression, and you do not
know how 10 get outside of them.
Most men are like you.''
care you willing to tell me your
mode of attack-so to speak-or did
you enter houses like other"
sBurglars. Do not be afraid of
the word. I think my methods were
original if not unique, though as l
never had any dealings with men of
my profession, l may be arrogating
too much"
"You never had Il companion, a
pal? Was never a member of any
clique?''
''Never, and my contempt of
thieves was probably as great as your
own. l had no wish for such society,
and up to the time / was caught and
convicted l had as good name as
any other man. A house that was
easy to enter l always passed by, for,
as | told you, l cared only for the
unattainable. My tools could all be
carried in one pocket. When / had
such work in hand always dressed
myself scrupulously. The profess
sional burglar can never be mistaken
for gentleman, for he looks like
the tramp he is. My linen was in
variably immaculate, my boots were
well BACKED, and my whole appear
ance unexceptionable. | should have
blushed to rob man in old clothes. /"
''And you were never caught but
once?"
''Only once, though I had one or
two hair breadth escapes. One of
these was when ! attempted to rob
a house on the Hudson, said to be as
impregnable as fortress. It took
three hours of the hardest work I
ever did to effect an entrance, and
after / had succeeded in doing so, I
found, to my great chagrin, that I
did not feel at home.'
'sFeel at home? that is funnier
than all the rest.''
ga great psychological truth under
lies that feeling, sir. If I could not
hold my head up in a mans dining
room or library, and feel in a large
and comfortable sense like the pro-
prietor, l was in danger. In the
house | have mentioned / was indeed
a cat in a strange garret. But, like
other fools, I ignored the warning
and proceeded to investigate. | had
not gone far when door softly open
ed, and woman met me upon the