South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1884-04-18

A near-sishted mau in a street car
seeing woman holding pug dog on
her lap, asked her IL she had left her
Other children at home. And she got
mad and called him brute.
A little boy of Des Moines, Iowa, who
Whites TO his 'frcn Jimmy that he is GO
ing to run away from school and be an
editor, thus closes his letter: Tell yure
sister KATY doan't have nothing more
TO do with that links CURL, and am troo
70 hur. l won't git prowd and forgit
hur IL do be an edi.ur,no you neither
Jimmy, If yure foxes is poor and orne-
~. Yures trooly, Johnny
An English prelate at the las. Convo-
cati,n was having discussion with a
clergyman OF advanced opinions OIL the
position of the Rituaistic party. The
clergyman said: Il suppose. my Lord,
you would have nothing TO bring against
us provided We keep within the covers
OF the Prayer-Book p Oh, certainly
not said tue Bishop; but the worst OF
it is, you do not consider them no bind.
ing
a man who bought q badly. iLting
suit that was TOO large FOR him, ives con.
stantly taken to task by his good wife
Tor his folly. One evening, az thei, it,
tie daughter was retiring, they were
much surprised to hear the following
conclusion to her evening piayer:-
Please, God, make pa over again, so
his clothes'll fit him and then ma won't
nag at him no more
Colonel Barre was blind Of ono eve
and the other was far from strong, Lord
North had been blind for some time.
The Colonel paid his Lordship visit,
who received him kindly, saying: 60.
lionel Barre, nobody will suspect US of
lnsincerity, if we say that we should al
ways be oveTjoyei to see each other
Many good stories arc told Of the uni
versity career of G. s. Calverley, The
English poet who died recently. While
at Oxford the master of his college sum-
moned him one day, and said: Il don.
Know MIR. Calverley, how it happen.
but whenever look out Of The window
see you jumping over that WALL Well,
master replied he. lit certainly has Of
ten struck me as odd that whenever /
jump over the wall see you looking
out Of the window
"a BLAzIN DISCOUNT An episo le
in the life Of visitor in little south
crn town several years ago: Tho village
auctioneer was riding up and down the
sandy street on n pretty bad case of
horse flesh, for which he was vainly try
ing to get bid. Who will give five
thousand dollars for this elegant Sad lle
boss Pas kind as a spaniel, and as swift
rs deer! She has the strength of
wah boss, is as playful as kitten. and
knows morn most people. Who'll give
five thousand Anything less would be
robbery os her owner and an insult TO
the noblest beast on the face Of tn y'ath.
She's made her record on the raco cou'se,
and durin' the wah she never fnched
from Yankee gun. Who'll give FIVE
thousand ? How muclll arg body give ?
Gentlemen, I'll leave it 10 your honah TO
make bid. What do you think such q
noble creatur's worth Will any BODY
dab to give less? How much DO | hear p
After long and anxious pause a voice
on The sidewalk was heard TO exclaim in
clear, distinct and deliberate tones
Two dollars and a-halfr Take her =
was the quick response Of the auction.
Ger, as he nearly threw the miserable
parody on horse flesh on her launches,
10y tho vigor with which c refined her in.
lest the offer might be recalled, Take
her, Colonel; she's your'nl But it's
blezin' discount.
Marathon man who was at Auburn
laat week, asked one of the prisoners
how he came to DC there. Want was
the answer. How was that?' well.
] wanted another mans watch. lie
wasn't willing should have it, and the
judge wants me to stay here five years.
Tic Duke of WELLINGTON was rood