Omaha daily bee., 1884-06-17
FixING A FLY SCREEN.
Man Again Proves His Superiority
over Woman in Mechanics.

He had a doubtful expression on his
phiz as he entered a hardware store in
Detroit, and he spoke about the stove
trade, the Wall street panic, the Green
back convention, and several other mat
ters before he finally said:
81 think it is time to put up fy-screen
doors"
Certainly"
"You have springs l suppose"
"Yes, sir.
"Have you a spring which l can ad-
just2"
1--WE have. Here is one which a boy
ten years old can put on. The time for
intricate springs has passed, and simpli-
city is the rule"
Lets see. l wonder if can put that
on2'
"Of course you can. All you want are
a screw.driver, and three screws. Here
this end goes on the door-that end on
the casing. Sect When you have it on
take this wire and turn here. When the
spring has the right force drop those slots
thus. Sect Why, a woman could put
on one of those springs with her eyes
shut-price 10 cents"
Bones hadn't lost any of his doubtful
expression as he started out. He walked
home, feeling of his ear and trying to re-
member Just whist the dealer said. and in
half an hour he was at work ON the floor.
The dealer had held the upper end of the
spring to the northwest. While his door
opened to the northeast. He sat down
and thought and thought, and finally de-
cided to try it, anyhow. Mrs. Bones
came out and helped HIM, and the spring
was finally put on.
"Now WHAT" she asked, as she opeu-
ed the door and saw that it remained
thus.
"Why, we turn the ratchet, l sup
pose"
"Ratchet-what's that2"
changed if l know. I've heard the
boys say: "Cheese the racket" and
that's all / know about It. Oh, yes; he
said j must put this wire in the holes and
turn"
"Well, go ahead"
Bones turned and turned. The spring
stitfened and the door flew open.
"That's just like you," she said, as she
jumped back, "What on earth do we
want of a spring to hold a door open ?"
''That's so-that's 30. Let's take it of
and turn it end for end"
This was tried, but it was no good, and
Mrs. Bones cried out:
''You might have known i'll 1t takes
a man with brains to put on a spring.
"And I've got more of 'em right in my
heels than your whole relations have in
their heads!"
StTba, mt on that unrinu"
'1'm going to when L get ready.
There's no particular hurry as can see.
maybe it's tired" eho sneered.
Sand maybe you had better attend to
your hopping"
She went in aud Bones tried that
spring six different ways. Then he went
off and borrowed a gimblet, an inch au'
CUR, q crowbar, a jackscrew, and a pail
of p%incers, ann he tried six other ways
He turned the old thing unit
the tension lifted up one ent
of the house, and he looked from tn
front gate to the alley fence for the hatch
ct, but the door had no spring in it. ID
put the spring on d~iagonally, crosswise
lengthwise, top for bottom, and bottom
for top, and about a o'clock in the after
noon Mrs. Bones come out and found hin
pounding 1t with the crowbar, while tn
door had been wrenched apart and heave'
into the alley.
81 said you couldn't do it," she re
marked.
"Couldn't do what2"
"Put on that spring."
"Who's tried to put on a spring. W.
don't need any door there, and I've takei
it away. It isn't at all likely that W
will soc three flies this summer; bat l
a few do come around we amt going II
murder EN-. Spring! l was Just foolinl
you. That was a burglar alarm, and tn
reeson / didn't put it IN was because w
didn't have anything to burglarize. Evei
if we had, l would let EN- come. A bur
glar cant live unless he has a fair show.