Daily Republican., 1884-05-28
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

A young lady, having " set her cap
for rather large specimen of the OppO
site sex, and having failed to win him
was telling her sorrow 10 one of hel
confdants when one OF them confront
cd her with these words
"Never mind, Mollie, there are 81
good fish In the sea as ever wer'
caught" Nellie knows that" re
piled her little brother "but sh'
wants a whale.
A sportsman, who, during the shoot
ing season. had gone to spend week
with friend in the country, on the
strength Of general invitation, soOn
found, by gentle hint, that he would
have done better 70 wait for specia
ono. saw some beautiful scenery
was the VISITORS first remark, AZ
came to-day by the upper road o
You will see still finer" was the re-
ply, as you 60 back to morrow by
tho lower one
A sharp student was called up by
the worthy professor Of celebrated
college, and asked the question " Can
a man see without eyes 2" Yes,
sir" was the prompt reply. How,
sir" cried the asrOnished professor
can man nee without eyes? Pray,
sir, how do you make that out %
"'He can sec with one, sir," replied
the ready wi,ted youth.
Congratulations -" When left Lon.
don six years ago, that mournful fail.
ure had already been out four or five
seasons, and made dead sets for most Of
he rich fellows in society. Looks AZ
though she'd take anything now"
Which one is that ?" "The hoppy
specimen behind you. Do you know
her ?" "Yes. We are to be married
in January"
Court (to prosecutor) "Then you
recognize this handkerchief AZ the
one stolen from yOu?" Prosecutor
" Yes, your honor" Court :" And
yet it isn't the only handkerchief OF
the sort in the world. See, this one
have in my Pocket is exactly like it. 3"
Prosecutor " Very likely, your honor,
| had two stolen"
Here 10 a curious instance of mis-
punctuation Lord Palmerston en-
tered on his head, a white hat upon his
feet. large. but well polished boots up
on his brow, a dark cloud in his hand,
his faithful walking. stick in his eye. .
menacing glare saying nothing,
"Do you ever gamble ?" sho asked,
as they "a together, her hand hold in
his. He replied NO but i'll want
ed to do so, now undoubtedly would be
my time e How 80 ?" Because
hold q beautiful hand" The engage
ment Is announced.
&C. DO you know why you and George
remind me OF two shades Of ono col.
orr" asked a young lady Of a compan-
ion, who had been engaged for good
many years. No." WAS the reply
" Tn Tell you, then ;it's because you
don't match"
A painter, who had turned physician,
was asked why he had quilted his pro-
" Because" replied he, "my
former exhibited my mistakes in too
glaring manner therefore l have
chosen one in which they will be buri-
ed"
Neighbors are very considerate in
Norway. When baby is born, pla-
card is nailed up on the door inform
Ing the community of the fact. Those
who wish to move out of the vicinity
ara thus enabled to do go in good sea-
son.
81 WONDER" said young lady,
why Hymen is always represented as
a torch. "To which an old bache
or sneeringly responded :" To indi-
cate that he always makes it warm for
people who marry"
A gentleman having q deaf servant,
was advised by a friend to discharg
her. No, no" replied the gentlemAn,
with much good feeling that poo!
creature could never hear Of another
One day, on the steps Of club, tn
late II. S. Leigh was asked if there was
inside "a man with one eye named
Walker" "Lets see, what's the
name of his other eye? Leigh in
luired.
Mistress (horrifed) "Good gra-
cious Bridget, have you been using
one Of my stockings to strain the
coffee through" Bridget (apologetical-
ly) Yis, mum ; but sure l didn't
take clane one -
A maiden lady, alluding to her
youthful accomplishments, said that at
six months of age she went alone. A
malicious individual present remarked
:" Yes, and you have been going alone
ever since
"Does hanging diminish the number
Of murders ?" shrieks contemporary
opposed to capital punishment. 1t may
not, but there is one thing certain-lt
diminishes the number Of murderers.
Magistrate What sort of man,
now, was it whom you saw commit the
?" Constable: "Shure, yer
lonor, he was q small, onsignifc ant
,rathursbout your own size, yer honor?"
A middle.sged spinister, at q recent
Woman's Rights Convention, said she
lid not care about female suffrage un-
less 1t carried with it tho righs to make
Of marriage.
"David, you are fool" David
' Well, sir, l can't helpit. when 20
engaged me, you told me TO imita
you, and I've done tho best that l
,onld.'
"Are you fond Of beasts, Miss Gush-
,rton :" Miss Gusherton "Oh,
.eally, Mr.. Pawker, il you III mean that
Is declaration, you mnst speak toI
why, what's the mattar this morn
.ng, Fraser 2" Caught a cold, that's I
H." Yes, saw you after one lasI
light, with your coat off. l thought !