The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1884-11-16
THAT BORE SMITH.

Cultl OF Mlu6 .WuOl4 L ndu lSlG ii SpIuC6 yOuIl5
bachelor. and who was now a staid, tourishing
married man.
by the way l said, after a general exchange
of yarns and experiences, Just to finish up with,
tell nae about our old friend Smith, whom we
used to call the Bore"
My companion, Jones, laughed heartily at the
mention of the old name, and said: But do you
mean to say you've never heard the yarnl Well,
l was very nearly letting the cat out of the bag
straight off, but as you evidently don't know
anything about it, fill your pipe again and I'll
tell it you. Mind, it's a bit egotistical, but since
you've asked me to tell you the story you
mustn't accuse me of blowing my own trumpet,
or of talking about matters which modest men
generally leave to other people to talk about.
You'll be astonished when you hear the end of
it."
So we reflled our pipes and Jones began.
you know that Smith was always a great
friend of mine, that is to say he and I lunched
together in the city every day at a famous old
coaching inn in Bishopsgate street, which has
some time since gone the way of most of the
famous old London coaching inns. Smith was
a very good fellow, but he had a weak point,
and the undue prominence of this weak point
at all places and under all circumstances caused
him to be looked upon as an insufferable bore.
However, as he possessed a great number of
good points. and as he was old enough to be my
father and held rather a prominent position in
the city of London, and could give me excellent
advice and help me materially in my upward
struggle as junior partner in a young city
house, l winked at Smith the Bore, and stuck
to Smith the honest, experienced and good
natured.
Smiths hobby was Roman England. Now,
had it been anything else-say pictures, or
orchids, or old china, or curios-I should not
have been SO unsympathetic, but as l was never
of a very romantic disposition, having been
brought up from an early age in that most pro
sale and unsentimental of worlds, the city,
Smiths interminable jargon about Roman Eng
land at times even overcame my patience. AS
an instance of his boring system, he would hap
pen to light upon = name in the newspaper, say
Tadcaster; down would go the paper and he
would start off:
"'Tadcaster, dear me, Tadcaster. The
ancient Calcaria, you know, of the Itineraries,
on the Carlisle branch of the old Ermine street.
OF course, you know how the Ermine street ran.
Not Well, it started from Durnovaria, that
is Dorchester, passed through Sofbiodunum Sails
bury, by Andover and Caleva Attrebatum, Sill
chester that is, thence over Bagshot Heath
by B~ibracte, which is Egham, Staines, to
London. From London it went through Hert-
fordshire, joined the present north road at
Puckeridge; and on by Buntingford, Royston,
Wendy and Caxton to Godmanchester near
Huntingdon, then called Durolipons; thence by
water NEWTON, OurOUflN1pj castor. DuFOUldSuS;
Stamford and Grantham. Here one branch
goes on to Lincoln, the ancient Lindum and
York., while the other, that with which we are
interested, goes to Carlisle by Pontefract, Tad
caster, and SO on
"He would detail every station, discussed the
disputed questions of their whereabouts, talked
of the antiquities dug up, until was fairly sick
of it, and heartily wished that the Romans had
stuck to the defense of their own rotten empire
instead of coming to England in order to go
away again and leave fuel behind them to light
the enthusiastic fires of such bores as Smith.
He had been at the trouble to draw a map of
of Roman England, with the four great roads
delineated in different colors, and this map he
always carried about with him and brought out
SO readily that l almost had to pick my words
and to avoid mentioning any names into the
composition of which the s~yllableS caster or
street entered, for fear of giving him an excuse
for unfolding his piece of paper.
last it grew intolerable. No matter what
topics of absorbing public interest were in the
papers, no matter how seriously | wanted to
talk with him upon business affairs, Roman Eng
land asserted itself, and my weakness in show
ing myself a patient listener only served to fan
his flame. So | missed one day at lunch, l
missed two, and when / met Smith in the streets
as 1 was sure to do after these absences, l had
to fabrieate an excuse and to make a promise to
be at the usual place the next day; and when
that next day came, it may be imagined how l
had to bend beneath q concentration of the bore
which would have been flung upon me at the
meals | had missed. AT length l resolved to cut
him ALTOGETHER, and sneaked up and down by
ways and alleys for fear of meeting him like a
felon.
II saw no more of him for quite a year. One
day, however, in the month of July, 1 met him.
"fWhy, Jones, old fellow! he exclaimed, shak-
ing my hand heartily, L made sure that you
were dead or that you had retired upon your
fortune, for l hear your firm have been making
tremendous strides lately. Now, old fellow, for
the sake of auld lang syne, take pity on me; I'm
a lonely bachelor. as the wife and daughter have
-A-A a. h cd NaNoA AaA d,nA ~-,FI .~N
and I'll put you up for the night-changed my
address, you see.'
But the awful vision of many hours in Ro-
man England stood before my eyes in its old hor-
rible shape, and l told hin-and hope, as an
act of self-deiense, it has been pardoned me
that was going to start the next day for my
holiday.
Later on, however, I did go for my holiday.
/ had been very hard worked during the past
year, and l felt in need of genuine rest and rec
reation-that rest and recreation which are de-
MED those who employ their annual breathing
space in hurrying and scurrying over countries
and towns at lightning pace, and whose time is
occupied in packing and unpacking, in catching
steamers and trains, in squabbling with land
lords and paying long bills.
81 found what l needed at Boulogne, where 1
had as much gayety or solitude as | chose, the
finest of air, and was within easy hail of bust
ness, and very thoroughly l enjoyed myself.
Time sped by very pleasantly. Boulogne
walked on the jetty, especially On rough days
about the hour of the tidal boats arrival, and so
did /. Boulogne ~Gisported itself variously on the
sands, attended balls at the Casino, looked on at
balls in the Tintellerie gardens; l did likewise.
Boulogne was not much given to exploring the
river Liane, because Boulogne knew very well
that there was nothing to be got for the trouble;
but 1 did as far as Pont de Briques, where l was
upset by the current, and hastened back just in
time to stick fast on a sand bank for an hour in
full view of the quays and the bridge. Boulogne
knew very little about its surrounding country,
so / resolved to teach myself, and returned with
the conviction that, with the exception of Alden,
rustic Boulogne was about the most God for
saken spot with which | was acquainted.
But the chief allurement and enjoyment of
Boulogne was the bathing. Everybody knows
how they battle at Boulogne and other French
watering places, so that there is no need to