News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-09-18
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER THIS WEEK.
Those Lightning Rods-The Same Iar- Ola Csr
Sidate-The Drop of a Pima ConsIdeI
nte ThIet-He Explained it-TheS "of0
Together, ETC., Etc.

THE RODS.
"I'm afraid 1 was cheated on those
iohtning rods" "What's the matter
with them ?'' ST hadn't had 'eIa up
month when fearful stroke Oh
lightning knocked em all ways for sun
day, burned my barn and everything III
it," "But didn't the agent give you
?" "Oh, yes. L wrote to INN
and he wrote back very consolingly'
"What did he say ?" "Tbat lightning
never strikes twice in the same place.
-Rochcster Express.
THE CANDIDATE.
Who ish dot dakes me py der hand,
Upd speaks so awful nice und bland,
Und urges me to join his band?
Dot candidate.
Who ish dot dreats me very schveed,
Ven on de corner of der strecd
We habben just while to meetF
Dot candidate.
Who ish dot singin' awful gay,
Just like lark all of der day,
Mid airy wings would fly away?
Dot candidate.
Who ish dot covers up his head,
Und wishes he vas only dead?-
Der odder man haf vin, you bed
Dot candidate.
-NorTis'o,o1 Herald.
HEARD THE PIN DROP.
Jones-"Oh, I'm not afraid TO stay
out late My wife don't mind.
Smith (next door neighbor)-'You
surprise me ]"
"Fact, assure you. Why, she wHs
up when went home at II o'clock last
night, but she made no fuss about it,"
"Oh, come now
"True as preaching. Why, after l
went in last night the house was so still
YOU could have heard a pin dropP
ooh, yes, to be sure. did hear 1t.
"Hear what?"
"The pin drop. A rclling-pin, wasn't
it ?"-7He Call.
CONSIDERABLE THIEF.
"Some people think that hack drivers
are all on the make, especially the night
liners" said Washington Club young
mau to another the other day. ''You
know that fine silk umbrella l bought
last month. Well, 1 left it in night
liner which took me home the night of
the boat race. 1t had my name and ad-
dress engraved on the handle.
"Did you get it back ?"
eyes; got back the brass plate. 1t
came through the mail. The sender
said he couldn't bear to keep it, as
II was of no use to him, and might
want to put it on another umbrella
Kind of him, wasn't it t?"--BaItin1ore
american.
EXPLAINED IT.
CHOW can you account for those fine
stalks of corn coming up in the fence
corners ?" asked man of a farmer.
"That's not corn" the farmer replied.
''Only weeds"
"Ah, low singular +
"Don't know much about farmin, 1
reckin?"
every little. I am the editor OF an
agricultural paper. ."-ArHonsaW 1ro0-
eler.
| TOGETHER.
"Why," he pleaded, ''our very cir
cnmstances bind us together; our simi-
lar tastes. our friendship, long acquaint-
ance- =,
eyes" she replied, seven age could
bind us together"
"What age, dearest ?' he asked.
"Mucilage," answered she, gluemily
A minute later, as he paste up anc
down the room alone, he realized tina
his failure was gumplete.-LJe.
: THE HAoOrS BEAr-
Il The moon beat silently upon tn
waves. the waves beat noisIy upon the
sand, and they strolled quietly along th
: beach. and as he looked down into h
eyes lovingly, he asked pleadingl,
"Mildred, will you return my love
'Yes, George" she answered heslta
. ingly "on one condition" "Only tie
. me that condition." he pleaded breatI
g lessly. sIt is" she replied solemn
& sthat You do not again ask me to acce
&c it." and the moon and the waves and
"a heart continued to beat as they walk'
e. home sorrowfully and silently.-Bost'
- Post.
A BRIGHT BOY.
A bright little fellow, about thr
years of age, was very anxious to go
i walk with his father.
% NO" said the father, "you can't 6
N you're too little.
1t "Oh, no, papa," he said' 'stoutly; Il
20 a big boy"
~ "All right" said the father; "cor
N along"
: On the way home the little fellow b
~ came tired and wanted his father
10 carry him.
Al 81 thought you was big boy" sa
"a his father, pretending to sneer.
"I was big boy when l started out
he said. "but I'm little boy now."
- was carried the rest of the way-Bc
n on Globe.
+, THE PAPERS RIGHT.
~. ~ Edith blunders the pape
'' do make. They say there are no mi
riageable young men at the wateri
- places. Why this resort is full OF you
al men,"
~" =. Ma.-"The papers are right,
!, dear"
-, H. "Rjght How can they be? b
~ by the way, what is marriageal
80 young man ?" ;,
ice "An only son with a rich pa. "-EV'
PIC ing CAT.
IS.