Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-08-04
BRIGHT BITS.

CARRYING FINE ART.-Husband: "Mary,
has the dog been at this meatP VIE; mo,
dear, carved when you were away yester-
day."-HdrDer's Bdsdr.
A CoLoRED BARBER in Idaho has drawn the
color line; he refuses to shave Indians. lie
differs from the average post trader in this re-
specialization Courier.
ORDERLIES in the Italian army now use the
bicycle in the p rfOrmanoe of their duties. In
this country order lies and all other lies use
BICYCLES. while the truth plOds along on foot.
-PhiLddetDhjd CAL.
San, Mr.. Hebbleton, 1 hear that YOU have
been called to the ministry" "Well, can
hardly term it a call. They only offer me five
hundred year. Sort of a whisper, you un-
derstand. "-ArbdHSdl0 IrdUeter.
WHAT He WOULD SAY.-A married couple
were out promenadIng in the suburbs Of Aus
tin one day. Presently, the wife said: Think,
Albert, if the brigands should come now and
take me from vou!" impossible, my dear"
But, supposing they did come and carry me
away. what would you sayI" al should say"
replied the husband, "that the brlgands were
new at the business. That's an."-TecdS Sift-
ings.
He CAME in looking very tired. "YOu look
worn out, john" his wife SAID. Have you
had hard day at the Officer" "NOt particu-
larry So" he replied. Pm little (hic) tired:
walked up tonight instead Of taking car"
''You ought not to walk such long distance
after your days work." she said, land be-
Sides" she added, as pungent Odor OF several
beers filled the room, 1--WE are very poro Just
now and you cannot afford to walk."-Nea0
York Sun.
A WATERFORD, Maine. correspondent re-
lates an anecdOte of Artemus Ward, which
he thinks has never been in print. Mr.. Abb
hey, manager of the opera house in San Fran
cisco, at one time telegraphed to him as fol-
lows: "a. Ward-What will you take for
twelve nights in San FranciscO" Ward re-
ceved the telegram while lying on a sofa.
Without rising, he turned it over and wrote
IN \ DDnV-BranQV
A. Ward"
ADVICE TO SPECULATORs.-A cOmmunica-
ton from the Office of Secretary of State of
Alabama asked if the Lime Kiln Club had any
advice to offer spectators in cotton and grain
futures. "Only few" answered the Presl-
dent DE man who am fule 'nuff to buck
ag'in worms weevil, rain, drought, sharpers,
rngsters, panics an robbers IN hopes to make
a stake orter have guardian ,plnted to see
dat he dOan' try to swallow his elbow an
choke hisself to death. "-DetFOtt Free Press
JoHN-"Say, George, you really ought to
know better than to scratch that way in pub
lic" George-.'And why shouldn't IscratchY'
"Why, because people will think you are shy
of soap and water" THAT'S all you know
self, then" II scratch because l itch; and
more than that, l am proud Of the itching"
shameless fellow" "Shameless! Not bit
of it, l am right in the height of style"
"How so, indeed?' 'Them's $40 day sum
mer resort mosquito bites"
o BEAUTIFUL ship with your booms all set
And the gang plank heaved ashore,
PRAY gather the boys in out Of the wet
Oh, gather them in to-day,
Ere YOU sail to the creek away
With your decks deep with gore
The hoys all covered with dust and sweat
Aud bleeding at every pore.
o beautiful creek with the saline name,
BE good to the ship we pray
Be kind to the gang who have lost the game,
And wearied of worldly charms,
Forsake political arms
And sail in the ship away;
Oh. dull their ears to the sound OF fame,
With the dash of thy salty spray
Chicago Neaos.