St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1884-09-28
FUN ON WHEELS.
A Victim of the TreacherOus Roller
Skates Gives q Few Pointers.

I am writing this with my pen between my two
first fingers. 1 have bandage around my ankle,
q linseed poultice my shoulder, and kink in 1
my back. l hesitated to look in the glass lest
should find myself cross-eyed. am all strained,
and twisted, and knocked, like ship ashore on
a lee coast feel as bad as will the Republican
candidate for president the day the election re-
turns are brought in. The St. Paul roller skat-
ing rink opened up last evening. About 300
people were present, and F. L. Croker gave an
exhibition of fancy skating. They had merry
time. So did lin my mind.
l was sent to write it up for the GLOBE, and
was seized with desire TO put on pair of roller
skates-case of temporary insanity, no doubt.
However, it gives me the advantage of being able
to write from experience. In many instances re-
porters obliged to take other peoples word
for it, but there is nothing speculative theoret
zeal about this. speak from hard experience;
or possibly, more correctly speaking, hard maple
that's what the floor is made of. This account
of the opening is intended to be partly sugges-
tive In the first place, would suggest that
pillow be furnished with each pair of skates.
They would let down easier
when he is seized with uncomfortable
and sudden desire to sit down. 1t would also
be well if the manager would furnish his skates
with air brake attachments. This would be a
great saving to the railroad platforms, which are
now much used as snubbing posts by skaters
who want to stop. Roller skates are a great
deal like balky mules, the more you want them
| to 90 ahead the more they will stop, and vice
versa For this reason favor the air brakes.
Of course it would require some presence of
mind on the part of the skater to apply the
brakes at the right moment, as after his heels
go in the air and he strikes the floor there may
not be enough air left in him to be of any
| vice. But until these much felt wants are sup
piled the best 1 can do is to give
few general rules for success on roller skates
In the first place, don't keep your mind too in
| tently fixed on your feet. There are other things
to be considered on the crowded floor of skat-
! ing rink There are corners to be turned and
| other skaters to be avoided. Keep your head up;
in this democratic country we are all on alevel,
especially on the floor of q rink. And don't try
to do all the skating with your heels. l have q
suspicion that that is what ails my Thumb and
other portions Of my anatomy. Don't be so
dreadfully afraid of falling anyway; or rather,
don't fall anyway. If you have to go
down, do it gracefully; don't kick
| the knee-cap off the fellow behind you and
bring up in d heap with your feet struggling with
the legs of lady's chair Let it be matter be-
tween you and the floor. Don't involve other
parties in the great downfall. 1 have many
kindly feelings for that railing around the rink.
! | wish there ratings all over the rink. I'd
| rather put my trust in that railing when find
princes. Don't be too fast when just starting
! ont. This is just as good advice in a skating
rink as in the outside world The probabilities
! are that when you are doing your cleverest, and
are feeling pretty well satisfied with yourself,
you will discover young man and his girl, both
poor skaters, few feet in advance,
of you. There may not be any railing near you
| or any air break on your skates. What you
going to do? No likes to sit down without
any apparent reason, and it is doubtful il the
fvfr
tions, the young couple ahead appreciate your
kindness, and you would keep on going until
something happened. Now a young mana
very thin young man, or particularly stout
young man. or an jnst-watch-me- go
through-it young manor young woman either
for that matter, would rather be struck by n
frolicsome goat than an awkward
fellow on skates. goat always
strikes you about amdships, and
you go down forward so that your hands strike
the ground first; buta stupid skater, generally
strikes your heels and you don't go down for
ward. / found that struck Oh the back of my
head and stars. 1 must now 60 and get my
linseed poultice renewed and secure another
bottle of arnca. In conclusion, wish to say
that would like to meet the young lady who
seized my coat tail in hope of saving herself from
a fall. She didn't save herself, and she involved
others in the ruin. 1 don't wish to shake hands
with this young lady, but l would like to secure
the remains Of my coat tail, and
would like TO say to her that that was no place
to throw her weight a struggling amateur
like myself. l was already handicapped in that
direction, and that little weight on my coat tails
was the straw that settled the roller skating.
With these few observations the roller skating
rink is declared open for the season, with morn
ing, afternoon and evening sessions, and band
on Wednesday and Saturday evenings. / wish
the rink success, but when L do any more skat-
ing shall be accompanied by physician and
surgeon.