, 1884-12-25
M. TWAIN AND g. GABLE
THEY TAKE TURNS AT ENTERTAINING
AN AUDIENCE


New York SUM-
After Cable finished his recitation, which
was enthusiastically a~pplaudsd, Mark Twain
walked on the stage, with his chin recently
shaved and p~receptibly powdered for the oc-
cnsion, his unruly hair like n halo around his
head, and his Discouraged expression OF coun-
tanance. He wnswelcomed with a prolonged
clapping OF hands. Without apparently re-
covering his Spirits, he sauntsred to the Rad
ing desk, felt for It with his right hand,
found 1t, and began:
at Is eight or nine years since ! bade
goodbye forever to the lecture platform in
this very hall Since that time some things
sad and some things Joyous have happened
to US all, to the country and to all the ma
lions Of the earth l viii not stop now TO
enumerate them. They say lecturers and
burglars never reform. l don't know how it
is with burglars-it is now so long since 1
had intimate relations with those people
but it is quite true OF lecturers. They never
reform. Lecturers and readers say they are
going to leave the lecture platform never to
return. They mean it, they mean it But
there comes in time IN overpowering temp
tation to come out on tho platform and give
truth and morality one moro lift. You can't
resist.
al got permanently through eight or min
years ago. Imay quit again never knew but
one lecturer to refuse persistently to return
to the platform. 4 shall leave you now for
ever this remarkable man said, with emo
ton This is my last appearance, positively
nv last It was his last appearance, but it
was no merit for him. Such merit as there
was belonged entirely to the sheriff"
Mr.. Twain has the habit of looking down
sidevvise to the middle Of the desk on which
he is leaning, while laughter In the audience
continues. Tbe bored and somewhat lugu-
brious expression he wears was slightly
skaken by a twiching under his mustache,
while only the profile OF his face was pre-
sented to the.audience. Then he turned and
addsd;
swell, there's no telling. I'll make nc
more promises. Now IN begin business and
give a short chapter from my new novel,
'Huckleberry Finn
His left hand sought the old familiar left
pantaloons pocket and stayed there, while
be leaned against the r~eading-desk with the
other arm on 1t, and proceeded in his con
ventional, slow, nasal drawl. 1t was in the
Mississippi valley. Huck Finn, a white 10
and Niger Jim rau away from the planta-
ton and camped out, and they pot
10 talking about kings one evening.
Jim, being told what fine clothes they
wear, had his curiosity aroused, and
he asked if there were many o.
'em Oh, yes, Huck replied. There Was
Sollymun. Jim had heard OF him, but he
wanted to know more about kings generally.
How much did they getl What $1,000 n
month"; Wasn't that gay, and what did thoy
do for It'll Huck said they did nothin g but
lay around. Sometimes they went to war,
but as a general think they just hung around
the hnrem.
Ground de whatf' asked Jim
aTh harem," rsjoined Huck.
Whats dhtf'
Don't you know Sollymun had one. He
had 1000, 600 wives"
Niger Jim had never thought 81 that be-
fore, and he proceeded to argue that Solomon
could not nave been a wise man, because he
would have to build a room of boiler iron
and shut himself in occasionally, where he
could get a little rest
AT his next appearing Twain pitched into
the German language again He had a
standing quarrel with it since he went to
Germany. While he went to heidelberg he
met a fellow sufferer, an American student.
who cursed the intricacies of the declension
of German adjectives as heartily as he did. He
was a dlssipated chap, said Twain, and he al
ways said he would rather decline two drinks
thar one German adjective. Then Twain
read an anecdote he had constructed in En-
glish to show the nonsense Of mixing up the
renders and concluded Win tne remark tnhb
whom the fellow who made the German Ian
guage tried again, he should invent a lam
guage with one good, square, responsible sex
"a language that wouldn't call a fish "he,"
the scales SHE and tho fshwife lit"
Mr.. Cable, for a recall, sang Brave Boys
Are They" In a light baritone voice.
Mr.. Twain looked surprised when he ap-
peared for the last event on the programme.
a didn't expect" he said, reproachfully, ITO
SOC you here yet. Perhaps you don't know
how late it's getting"
Then he told a ghost story, first advising
the nervous people to go home. The story
was about q woman with a golden arm, who
died and was buried, but whose husband
concluded afterwArd to ave the arm, and
dug it up. In the night Of tempest that fol-
lowed a low, steam-whistle whisper chased
the arm around, inquiring: "Who-o-o-o's
got my go-o-o-olden armf' He locked him
self in his room and went to bed Pat, pat,
came a light foot up the stairs and through
the locked door and up to the bed, and tho
soft s~team-whistle whisper sighed In his ear;
"Who-o-o-o-'s got my go-o-o-olden armf
Mr.. Twain at this point jumped up two
feet in the air and came dow with a bang,
shouting: 'Nobodyp Everybody else jumped,
tn +