The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-09-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

Kansas City boasts of having a wo-
man who speaks eight languages. 1t
Is needless to remark that her husband
is dead.
Edith asks: "Will you please send
me a receipt for nice homemade
pie" Yes, Edith, we will send the re-
ceipt in the very first mail after we re-
ceive the pie.
A bachelor, upon reading that two
lovers will sit up all night with only
one chair in the room" said it could
not be done unless one Of them sat on
the floor. Such ignorance is painful.
An Indiana colored lawyer, in trying
to get his client out of custody, ex-
claimed: "Da is law called 'habhis
carcass, an Pze goin' to hab de car
cass OBJ dat client oh mine, dead or
alive"
What is thisP" exclaimed Bur-
lington lady as she opened letter and
something like a crumpled postage
stamp fell out. "Oh. yes; remember
now. It's that Boston bathing suit i
ordered for Nellie"
A recent advertisement in q morning
paper read: when will my own love
return? Jane" The next day the fol-
lowing appeared when does the old
man leave town. Tom 1t is believed
that the two have some sort of connec-
ton.
Just think of it," said q Vassar
graduate, "here is an account Of train
being thrown from the track by mis-
placed switch. How utterly careless
some women are about leaving their
hair around" And she went on reading
and eating caramels.
Sturgeon tells an amusing story of
the old lady who started up, when her
grandson was about to take her UNI
brella, exclaiming, mo, now, you
don't. I've had that umbrella for
twenty-three years, and it's never been
wet yet; and you amt going to begin"
Eyes, they are excellent boots" said
the shoe dealer to the young lady pur-
chaser, 'they will wear like IRON"
"Do you think the buttons are sewed
on securely?" she asked. They are;
the boots are supplied with the old
maids wedding button, new inven-
tion." "Why is it called the old
maids wedding button?" because
it never comes of. "
An Atlantic City paper says that the
greatest sight of the seaside is the board
walk in the evenings. The board walk
is new name for skipping out and
neglecting to see the landlady. The
evening is poor time for board walk
ing. 1t generally occurs later in the
night when the landlady is sweetly
dreaming of the brown stone front she
will buy with her summer profits
Brooklyn Times.
Sam Bennett of San Antonio, being
at Galveston few days ago, went into
a barber shop to get shaved, and while
there got into row with gentleman
who wanted to get his hair trimmed.
They disputed as to who was next.
"pll see you later said Sam, this is
no place to have difficulty" That's
Just where you are mistaken. There
can be no more appropriate place than
barber shop to razor row."-7eras
SytingS.
A talking bore in this city, and a
medical man, caught hold of the button
of gentleman's coat the other day,
whom he met on Main street, and held
him there in conversation. After q
weary time of it, the gentleman took
out his penknife and cut the button
from his coat, leaving it in the talking
bore's hand. He never noticed that his
friend had gone, but with the button
between his fingers went on talking as
lively as ver.-Vide Winnipeg Sytings.
The monk does not always cease to
be man. The members of an orni-
biological congress that was lately held
at Vienna visited, with their wives, the
wealthy Benedictine monastery at
Melk, on the Donau. The spacious
cloisters, rich dining hall, well filed
library, scientific collections, gardens,
park, the lovely view and generous
collation. raised their admiration to the
utmost. As they left an enthusiastic
lady said to one of the younger monks:
you are in heaven here" He was
equal to the occasion. 1--WE should
be-" he replied, "but we lack the an
gels. "-ArgonaM
"ls my shaving agreeable to you,
sir?" a loquacious barber asked GUS
toner whom he had been flaying alive.
MY wife would admire it very much"
rather indefinitely replied the man I'M
der torture. "Ah." said the barber,
with great complacency, "ladies are
often good judges of their husbands
being well shaved. And you think
mine will suit, sirp' mo doubt of it
in the world. 1t was only this MORN
ing that she became angry because I
told her l could not afford to buy her q
spring bonnet and said I ought to be
skinned alive" The barber lost him
self in reflection. Pttsburg Chronicle.
Farmer John" Mary, the new hired
man, you know, is German. Well, he
says that he is personally acquainted
with DR.. Koch, the great scientist and
once did him such great favor that
he knows that Dr. Koch will be glad to
reciprocate." Mary - swell, dear,
what of itP" II told him to write to
DR.. Koch for some cholera germs"
Horrors! John, are you crazy?" mo,
dear, but you know cousin Sue in the
city is bound to come here on q visit