, 1884-05-16
DARKROOM PHARMACY.
A Doctor of Medicine Who Doesn't
Ponder Over Symptoms.
A B~artender's Patients-The Reme-
dies Dispensed from Decanters
--sIzIng Up Patients Mt
n Glance.

1t is necessary that the night bartender In
= drinking house that keeps open doors
t~wenty-four hours in a day should be a man
possessing knowledge OF his fellow men. He
must know when man has had enough
that is to say, when he has had too much.
He must know just when it is necessary to
interfere in order to prevent q fight, and
must know how to interfere in such a way as
to not make the matter worse. He is some
thing of n despot, like a ships captain at sea,
but he must be governed by prudence in the
exercise of his power.
The foregoing facts were impaired to the
reporter by n man who is himself n night
bartender and ought to know. He continued
that the night bartenders in Now York are
for the most part at the top of their calling
men who have mastered all there is to be
learned by day service and have risen to a
place like that occupied by the skilled and
faithful officer who is left at the wheel 70
steer the vessel through dangerous waters
while others are sleeping. While enumer-
lting some of the things TO be mastered the
bartender turned around until his diamond
dashed upon the glassware of the back bar,
and said:
HE must be able to find in these bottles u
remedy for every Ill that a man eau carry
around on foot. 1t is wonderful what faith
The great American people nave in alcohol as
: cure-all l needn't tell you that it is warm
ing in winter and cooling in summer-every-
body knows that. This gives the able-bodied
In excuse for drinking pretty regularly. But
l variety of excuses as well as a variety of
beverages is desirable.
"The class OF patient that comes most fire.
auently is, perhaps, the man with a gone
feeling in his stomach and n fullness in the
region of the hat band. He has boon out the
night before. His case is an easy one to
- I iii - l.-gTs.N, ,-A,, Ir -..,,
ing that you do not know the remedy. An
other class of patient treated almost as free
1uently is represented by the man who is go
ing to get some dinner, but doesn't seem to
have any appetite. A mild cocktail, with a
Dash of absinthe in it, is the correct thing.
He sips it, remarks that it isl pleasant drink,
and asks what it is made of. You look him
'teadily in the eye, and say. Il can't tell you,
sir; it is one of the things that are not in the
books and that are told to you after you have
been about ten years in the business. l ave
customers that never think of going to dinner
without dropping in to get one of them
"The man in search of a mild cathartic ex-
poets you To make him a Santa Cruz sour.
Cor an astringent you administer brandy
and sugar, sometimes with essence of pepper
mint Everybody knows that rye and rock
is a remedy for every ailment of a pulmonary
nature. If tho patient has malaria in his
system he brings in his q~uinine pill, and
helps it along with whisky, often with red
pepper shaken into it. For an ordinary chill,
produced by exposure, a horn Of whisky,
with something hot in it, will do. Long be-
fore the discovery of rye and rock, rum and
molasses was the old household remedy for
throat and lung troubles, and it hasn't gone
out of favor by my means. For breaking
up a cold, a hot Lemonade with a Stick in it
is the thing. For heartburn there is nothing
in the pharmacopuia of the back bar better
than stone fence A gin fizz will often start
quotations and relieve flatulence. The vir.
tues of gin as a remedy for a torpid condi-
zion of the kidneys are too well known to
need rehearsal here.
"Besides knowing all the common remedies,
you must be able TO size up your patients at
n glance. 1t will do for n doctor of medicine
to ponder over symptoms, ask questions. and
betray indecislon; be has his diploma to fall
back on If anybody doubts his ability. But
ment, and must make his own way to success.
He must first weigh the question whether the
patient himself knows what he wants. Per-
haps l should say he must first grab u bottle
the lemon juice bottle will do-so that he
may seem not to hesitate for an instant. If
it appears that the man knows what he
wants, and that he wants brandy and pep
permint, it is an easy matter TO hold the
lemon bottle up toward the light, discover
your mistake, and reach for the peppermint
bottle. II he doesn't know what he wants,
but begins telling of his symptoms, Just shake
n little of the lemon into the glass and mix
him up a drink with the air of a specialist,
who diagnosed his ailment the moment he
darkened the door. Set it down before him
and say; Drink that off, sir; l think it will
go to the right spot Tit patient will think
either one or the other of two things: That
you've got a great head for medicine, or that
you are useful when he can't decide himself
what tipple to take"