The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-31
A Glance at the Future.


Gardner as he rose up and looked
around on the bald heads before him,
''dat de Right Very Honorable Erastus
Du Biif, LID, of West Point, Ga, am
waitin' in de aunty-room to deliber a
lecktur' befo' dis club. De subiick he
has chosen on dis illustrious occasion
am: What will de fuchur bring 70 'th?'
He arrove heah two DAYS ago, an has
bin occupyip' de SPAR bed in Brudder
Walpole's house. Arter de Iecktur'
colleckshun will be tooken up fur his
benefit. an to-morrer mawnin' he will
purceed on his way to Toronto. De
committee will now purceed to bring
him in"
When the committee reached the
ante-room they found the Right Very
Honorable bathed in a cold perspiration
and his paper collar fast whiting away.
He had an attack of what is called
''stage fright" and the committee had
to rub his back with brick, pour cold
water down his neck and lend him fif-
teen cents in nickels before he could
sufficiently command himself to enter
the hall. He finally appeared, rosy
smile mortgaging his features, and his
head nOdding from one to another, and
was formally introduced by the Presi-
| dent. He seemed on the point of wilt
ing again, but Brother Gardner whis-
pered to him that if he did he would
have to 90 out of town on foot, and the
warning stiffened his legs and made a
new man of him.
my frens," he softly began, 81
reckon dat mos of you know what de
word fuchur means. 1t doan' mean de
huskin' bees of las year, but it refers
to goin a-fshin' mex summer. De
fucher means dat which am befo' us.
We know what de past has brung out.
What will happen in de fucher cannot
be known, but may be predicted, lam
heah tonight to predict. [Cheers from
Elder Toots.
81 do not say dat de fuchur will see
Gull man occupyin' de White House
at Washington, but | predict dat if de
Norf Pole am ever diskivered it will be
by some member of de Lime Kiln Club.
| [Great applause.
ode Guild man of de fuchur may not
become world renowned fur inventin'
an 800-barreled cannon, but | see no
reason why he shouldn't bring fo'th
steam bootack or diskiver a wav to
patch butes wild cold pancakes.
! [Cheers. Steam belongs to de past.
A hundred Vars hence it will be too
slow fur any bizness 'cept sawin' up
wood fur poo folks. [Agitation.
81 do not assert dat de fuchur will
do away wild railroads, but de son of
some pusson now widin sound of my
voice will win fame by inventin' some
way of KILN de brakeman who en-
| agines dat his sole duty consists in
roastin' de passengers in each car.
| [Agitation.
''De fuchur may not solve de prob
lem of flyin' frew de air, but who kin
tell what de next fifty years may do
towards improyin' de hotel bed an de
restaurant sandwich? More agita-
| ton.
To-day we stan an look upon de
sewin' masheen as perfeckshun. Fifty
years hence men will smile at de ideah
of our bein' satisfied wild any sich affair
A wife will take de sewin' masheen of
de fuchur an support lazy husban'
an nine children widout workin' ober
two days in de week. [Groans and
sighs.
''De fuchur will hab heap to do wild
our own pertickler race. De Samuel
Shin of hundred Vars hence may be
city comptroller; de Giveadam Jones
will be President of a college; de
Pickles Smith will boss railroad; de
Waydown Beebee will have his name
mixed up wild Nashunul bank; de
Lord Nelson Slabs may command an
army, an de Brudder Gardner will sit
in de Gub'ner's room at de State House
an sign his name to de bills passed by
de Legislachur. Wild cheers Wild
desc few imperyious remarks 1 is dun.
| [Yells.] Ireturn my sympathetic adj
herence for de tyrranical manner in
which you has bestowed your attenshun
! [yells] an take my leave of you in de
moas' emblematical manner"
The closing remarks were greeted
with such storm of applause as broke
out several window-panes and upset
two lamps. The honorable gentleman
was then conducted from the hall and
the collection taken up for his benefit
netted him the handsome sum of $3.50.
Detroit Free Press.