Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-10-03
FUN
The Squire and his Wife.

The Squire and his Wife.
The Squire had friend to visit him on
business, and was very much annoyed to
be interrupted by his wife, who came to
ask him what he wanted for dinner.
go away! let us alone!" impatiently
said the Squire.
Business detained his friend until din
ner time, and the Squire urged him to re-
main. The Squire was generous provl-
der, proud of his table, and he compla-
Gently escorted his friend to seat. A
little to the surprise of both, they saw
nothing on the board but huge dish of
salad, which the good wife began quietly
to dish up.
my DEAR" said the Squire, "where are
the meats?"
"There are none to-day" replied his
lady.
ssNo meats! What in the name of pow
erty! The vegetables, then! Why don't
you have them brought IMP"
You didn't order any vegetables
the amazed Squire.
"You forget coolly answered the
housewife. 81 asked what we should
have, and you said lettuce alone Here it
ISL
The friend burst into laugh, and the
= Squire, after looking lurid and lugubrious
moment, Joined him.
''Wife, I give it up. I owe you one.
Here is the fifty dollars you wanted for
the carpet which ] denied YOU" The
Squire forked over. "Now, let's have
peace-and some dinner"
The good woman pocketed the paper,
rang the bell, and sumptuous repast of
fish, poultry and vegetables was brought
in.
A few days afterwards the Squire re-
manned working in his garden some time
after the usual tea hour. His wife grew
impatient of delay and went to fad him.
His excuse, when asked what he was wait
ing for, threw her into flutter of excite
ment.
''Some ones to como to supper" she
exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me9
declare you are the provokingest man!''
And without asking which Of his friends
was expected, she fastened to change her
dress and slick up her hair for the occa-
sion. This done, she came out and found
the squire seated at the table reading his
newspaper.
where's your company ?"
'My company! L haven't any COM
pany."
"But you said you expected somebody
to SUPPER exclaimed the now indignant
wife.
my dear, said no such thing. You
asked what 1 was waiting for. and said
Summons to come up to supper-that's
what was waiting for, my dear. And l
came at once"
"And you have made me 60 and change
my dress! Oh, I'll pay you for this.'
mo matter about it. my dear. I owed
you one, you remember, about that let
tuce."
A TALE OF THE SUMNER TIME.-A
Sealskin Cloak, slGmbering in cedar
closet awoke with start. and beheld a
suit of Summer Flannels climbing upon
an adjacent hook.
s'Mercy on me!' exclaimed the Sea lskin
Cloak, ''are you here already? It seems
to me have hardly bsen asleep at all
What time of the year is it ?"
"Oh," said the Summer Flann els, ''lie
still; don't get up. 1t is only the last week
in June. but I've played the loudest j oke
on the boss. Got him to run down to the
country with me, where had an appoi Mt
ment with Cold Wave, and we fixed him
up with new kind of catarrh, a touch of
rheumatism, sore throat, cold in the head,
neuralgia. lumbago. and stiff neck. He
fired me out of the window last night and
vows that he'll never, never, never go with
me again.
"What will you do ?'' asked the Seal
skin Cloak.
ooh, I'll stay here said the Summer
flannels. I'll be wanted again. He'll
wear his winter fannels until he has a
sunstroke, and then, just before the next
cold spell he'll come around after me. I
know his ways"
"HorridI' said the Sealskin, sleepily,
and silence reigned.
A DIFFERENCE.-They were discussing
the two expressions, 'Beg pardon" and
Excuse me.''
Dumley contended that wide differ
ence in meaning existed.
For instance" he said, to the land
lady, ION leaving the dinner table make
use of the expression, Excuse me- 1t
would be absurd to say, 4 beg pardon !"
The landlady said she didn't think it
would be so very absurd, and all the rest
of the boarders, who knew Dumley to be
the biggest eater, and slowest pay in the
house, laughed enjoyably.
at marriage the bride always meets her
betrothed at the alter with gloves on, but
after marriage she generally handles her
husband without gloves.
An English clergyman, waxing sarcas-
tic in the pulpit over the enormities of the
age, exclaimed ''And these things, my
brethren, are done in the so-called nine
tenth century,
GIVE lost my dog.'' said Mrs. Rarity.
"Why don't your husband look for him ?"
some one asked. "Who, Jim Why, you
know Jim's on the detective force. He
can't find anything.'
''Will the coming man be happy ?" asks
a writer. 1t depends to a great extent
rpou xuhothor hic xuifo hoe &;,,J -.