davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14


~ AIN HEALrH AND HAPPINESS.
Howl
DO AS OTHERS HAVE DONE.
ARE YOUR KIDNEYS pIoRpERED-
"kidney-wort brought me from my grave,
g y we're, % sfter had been given up by IL best
Il. W. DxvlRAux, Mechanic, Ionis, Mich.
ARE YOUR NERVES wEAKi
ness, xc.. after 1 had not expected to iive."-
Mrs. n. N. b. Goodwin, Ed. Chrisfio's Monnor
Cleveland, Ohio.
HAVE you BRIGHTs pIsEAsE'
Kidney. Wort cured ma me when my water
Frank Wilson, Peabody, Mass.
SUFFERING FROM yABErEss
Kidney Wort Is the most successful remedy
have ever used. Gives almost immediate ,e-
lief"-Dr. Phillip c. Baiiou, Monkton, VT
HAVE YOU Liver coMPLAISTr
kidney.wort cured me of Chronic Liver
late co sss ssr Nas Guard
IsYoUR BACK LAME AND AcHING'
Kidney-Wort Il bottle) cured me when
C.M. Talmage. Milwaukee, Wis.
HAVE you KIDNEY DIsEAsEr
kidney.Wort made me sound In liver and
kldneys after years OF unsuccessful tOctOr1ng.
Its worth 80 box."-SamI Hodges, Williams
town, West Va
ARE you CONsTIPATEDr
"ktdney.Wort causes easy evacuation and
cured me after 10 years nse.of other medicine"
Nelson Fairchild, St. Aloans, Vt.
HAVE YOU MALARIA
"Kidney-Wort has done better than any
other remedy l have ever used IN my prac-
tice."-Dr. &. K. Clark South Hero, VT.
ARE YoU BILIoUsf
Kidney W ort has done me more good than
any other remedy have ever taken"
Mrs. j. 7. Galloway, ELK Flat, oregon.
ARE you TORMENTED WITH PILES'
"kidney-Wort permanently cured me OF
bleeding pilee. DR.. w. T.. Kline recommended
Il to me.''-Geo. II. Horst, Cashier NJ. Bank,
Myerstown, Pa
ARE YOU RHEUMATISM RACKED.
F" kidney-Wort cured me after was given
up to die by physicians and mad suffered 30
years."-Elbridge Malcomb, West Bath, Me.
LADIES, ARE you sUFFERINGr
Kfdney-Wort cured me of peculiar trou.
blcs of several years standing. Many friends
use and praise it"-Mrs. Ii. Lamoreaux, Isle
La Aotte, Vt
II you would Danish Disease and Gain Health
take
KIDNEY-wORT,
THE BLOOD CLEANSER.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

vNhE sEORETIUN OF SWEAT BY Tn 70
L skin serves very important purpose
tnat OF preventing undue elevation Of the
ally.
All Skin Diseases. Cancers. Tumors, Chronic
and Private Diseases permanently cured by
DRS. IL. ID. and NJ. A. LONGAKER
Ofce-l3 East Walnut street. Lancaster, Pa.
Consultation free. nl39tdSw
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
uAvINa DISSOLVED pAKrnEr,u,p

HAVING DISSOLVED PAHThERsuIp
III and permanently closed the Chestnut
Street Iron Works, desire to inform INV old
still in the business. being located IN the Penn
Iron Company's w orks, North Plum street
where am making Iron and Brass Castings
serve al who may favor me with their patron.
age. From 20 years experience In the business
the best mechanics, am satisfied / can oy,ars s
antee entire satisfaction. Castings maze froi
. mixture OF iron and steel which are more re-
Dest cast iron known. v teeth roll pInions,
tolls and rolling mill work specially cast,
iings maae OF very soft iron, ana brass cast
ters al the well and fav0rably known kowrer
Corn and Cob Crusher, RENTED and i'm proved.
Also on hand, mills completely fitted tip or in
parts, to replace Old ones which have been in
use ior years, guaranteeing them 10 give sal.
ansisSmS T. q. soCULLEY.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
pusanU sAIm Ale @ynxA..I Ss xAhyA Be soSrn GIT,

DUBalO SALE OH vALUA BILE U1rY
i Property.-On WEDNESDAY,. NOvEM.
BER 60 lSS4 will be sold at public SALE at the
Leopard hotel. in tho city OF Lancaster. Q lot
of ground situated at Nos s3s and lAl East
King street, In said city, containing In front
on said kast King street, 81 feet, SM inches,
and extending in depth northward 9l5 feet to
a IL feet wide alley, upon which are erected
ING HOUSE, With attic, 81 feet, aH inches, by
% feet, including Sfeet private alley, with
one-story brick building attached, Slxl0 feet.
Hydrant fruit trees, grape vines and other
improvements.
This property from its size. iosation and i'm.
provements make It very desirable invest
ment for purchasers.
Sale to commence at O'Clock. p. m. Of said
day, when attendance viii be given and
MRs. LOUISA PRICE,
E1ecutrix of tho Estate OF Colonel samuel II.
Price, decd.
HENRY SHuBKRr, Auct. nll.fu&Ttsd
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
raATsLsx,s eUIDs.

Il ANOAsTEK AND MILLERsviI.LM Ria
III 4 Carr run a. follows
Leave Lancaster (P. X. Depot), at z, o an.
l:S0 o. m, ana 2 4, o and $50 y. m, except ON
saturday, when the last car leaves at g3cp. IN
Leave niflersyille uower end), at o, 8. ana
10 .. M, aud !, 5, . ana p. m.
Cars run daily on above timo except on
sunday.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

sKin Diseases -" swsyne's Ointment.
S,Ddyne's Ointment" cures letter, Sail
all Itchy Skin Eruptions, no matter how oosf(
nate or long standing. al2M, .F6wly
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
V,nE LATEST RETURNS.
JUST LOOK HEREi

You can 20 ths American Tea and Coffee
House, NO ~ Centre Square. and buy the bent
QAri A., exc; fnre White Sugar, 60 very
ngnt yellow sugar, &c, coness. rs. Is. 20, ~ and
and every ponnd. lome aud be convinced.
ns-7tl
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

DENN CIGARS AT ol.16 PER HUN.
Il dred, better cigar than is sold by most
aARTHxN's YELLow:FRoNT CIGAR
RTORE.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

DUBLIU SALE OF VALUABLE REAL
Il kstate,--On TUESDAY EVENING, NOV.
Court OF Lancaster county. Pa, viii be
sold at the Keystone House, In the
city of Lancaster, all that certain lot or piece
OF ground situated on the west side OF North
Duke street near James street. bounded on
the south by property of Bernard nulhattAn,
containing in front ffty.nine feet ana eleven
inches, and in depLh ninety feet, on which 10
erected a one-st1 FRAME DWELLING
HOUSE, No $40.
Sale to commence at O'Clock, p. M, when
terms will be made known by
DIR. q. r. DAVIS,
Administrator OF Maria Rudisill.
III. SHrBRsr, Auctioneer. O2S-tAd
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

HALEs Honey OF Horehound and Tar re-
lieves coughs quicker than any other medi-
cine. Pixies Toothache Drops cure In one mi.
mute: nl0lwdeod&W
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
no deception Used.

1t Is strange SO many peop o Ill continue
to suffer day after day with Dyspepsia Liver
eral Debility. when they can procure ut our
store sHILoH's vITALlZER, free OF cost If It
does not cure or relieve them. Price, rs cents.
Sold by IL. Ii. Cochran, druggist, IH and l39
North Queen street. Laneaster. fedl4-eod6
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
HOwf
DO AS OTHERS HAVE DONE.

ARE YOUR KIDNEYS DIORDEREDt
"kfdney-wort brought me from my grave,
~ It were, after had been given up by IL best
doctors in Detroit"
Il. W. DxvlRAux, Mechanic, Ionis, Mich.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
ARE YOUR NERVES wEAKf

Kidney-WOrt cured me from nervous weak
ness, Ac.. after had not expected to live."-
Mrs. n. N. b. Goodwin, Ed. Chrisfio's Monuor
Cleveland, Ohio.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
ROR SAFE.

fCn. FINs kEsIDGN0a AND HOUSE
L adjoining. belonging to John 8. Rohrer,
are ofered at private sale. Persons desirous
owner, JOHN 8. ROHRER.
Or, BAUsMAN q BURNS,
sepi5-ttd Real Estate Agents.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

HAVE you BRIGHTs DIsEAsEf
Kidney-Wort cured me- when my water
was Just like chalk and then like blood"
Frank Wilson, Peabody, Mass.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

LADIES, ARE you SUFFERING
!" Kfdney-Wort cured me of peculiar trou.
blcs of several years standing. Many friends
use and praise it"-Mrs. Ii. Lamoreaux, Isle
La Note. VI
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

ARE YOU RHEUMATISM RACKED.
Kidney-wort cured me after was given
up to die by physicians and 1 mad suffered 30
years."-Elbrfdge Malcomb, West Bath, Me.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

ARE YOU TORMENTED WITH PILEsT
kidney-Wort permanently cured me OF
bleeding pilee. DR.. W. z. Kline recommended
Il to me.''-Geo. II. Horst, Cashier NJ. Bank,
MyerstOwn Pa
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
SUFFERING FROM DIABETES

Kidney-Wortis ia the most successful remedy
have ever used. Gives almost immediate re-
lief."-Dr. Phillip G. Ballou, Monkton, VT
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
vALL AND EXAMINE OUR STOCK,

NOTE-Tbose desiring q nne Sleigh this
winter at reasonable price, will be benefited
by calling and examining our stock In season.
A%A large stock secondhand Work Tor
sale. Repairing promptly attended to.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

Is YOUR BACK LAME AND ACHINGr
Kidney-Wort Il bottle) cured me when
was SO lame had to roll out of bed"
G. N. Talmage, Milwaukee. Wis
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

HAVE You KIDNEY DISEASE
kidney.Wort made me sound IN liver and
Kidneys alter years Of unsuccessful doctorfng.
Its worth 80 q box."-Samr Hodges, Williams
town, West Va
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

HAVE You LIVER COMPLAINT
Kidney-Wort cured me of Chronic Liver
Diseases after prayed to die."-Henry Ward
late Col 69th Nat. Guard, N. Y.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

ARE YOU CONsTIPATEDT
"Kidney.Wort causes easy evacuation and
cured me after 10 years nse.of other medicine"
Nelson Fairchild st. Albans, Vt.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

HAVE YOU MALARIA
| "kidney-Wort has done better than any
| other remedy I have ever used in my prac-
| uce."-Dr. 4. K Clark. South Hero, VT.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

ARE TOU BILIOUSG
"kfdney-W ort has done me more good thai
any other remedy have ever taken"
Mrs. J. 7. Galloway, ELK Flat, oregon.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14
Causes Assoni,hm ens.

III. p. HOLLAND, Postmaster.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1884-11-14

II you would Danish Disease and Gain Heal
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30

The Southern Methodist church at
Elk Park, N. c., win be dedicated,
Sunday, the l4th OF Sept. The dedi-
catory sermon will be preached by Rev
D. S. Sullins, Of Emory. Rev. L. L. II.
Carlock will be present, and perform
the dedicatory service. have an ar
rangement with the E. T. & W. N. o.
r. r. Go. 70 run Especial train, leaving
johnson City Sunday morning after
the arrival Of the western bound pass
enger train on the E. T. V. d G. R. R.,
and ruturn In the evening before the
eastern bound train is due. Fullrates
will be charged on the E! T. & w. N.
Q. r. B.. and half Of the proceeds to
be given 10 the church. Let every
body come and help in this good work.
F. Fl. Austin, proprietor Of the Banner
House, at Elk Park, will furnish din
Iner to all'that wish 1t on that day, for
75 cents each, the proceeds after de.
ducting the expenses, to be given to
the church. Mr.. Austin would like
for all who wish dinner 10 write him
before hand, so he can be prepared.
Ha - w. G. MALLoNEE, P. @.
County papers please copy.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30
Honesty in Oaice Wanted.

George H. Earl, when asked yester-
day what would be the effect on the
Independent Republicans Of Philadel-
phia OF the withdrawal OF the New
York Iqdepepdenti from the snpport Of
Governor Cleveland. said that il would
have very little effect The article in
the Indepesde,st, he said, would have
been more frank ii its author had said
whom he now intended to support.
To censure Cleveland bitterly for an
old breach of commandment, that
does not necessarily make him a cor
rupt statesman, and to say nothing of
the Mulligan letters and of an unex-
planned fortune OF half million ac-
quired while in congress, looks like an
attempt to be virtuously indignant for
the benefit of Blaine. Had the editor
said he support st. John on character
and not Blaine, it would at least have
had an honest ring about it. 1t is the
vice of making money in public office
that is eating out the heart of all that
is good in America.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30

BUFYALo, n. Y. August "a. 1884,
A large meeting, chiefly composed Of
Irish Americans, was held in St.
Stephens Hall, in shis city, last night.
II was addressed by Colonel William
r. Roberts, Of New York. He spoke
nearly two hours in favor Of Governor
Cleveland and in denunciation OF
Blaine and Butler. The greatest en-.
shusiasm prevailed and the speaker
was frequently interrupted by the
cheers of the audience for Cleveland.
The meeting is clear evidence that
Cleveland is immensely popular with
the Irish Democrats Of Buffalo.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30

The book agent went on to say that
you could find anything in his ency-
clopedia at a moments notice.
! told him that if any one could
find anything in the book, that / want
ed it.
"0h, yes, you can find anything and
everything" and he smiled assur-
ingly.'
/ opened one OF the books, and
turned to the letter "P" and then to
Pat a
''Here nay friend, you know more
about this book than I do; just turn
to Patterson-William Patterson. I
want to know who struck him."
A troubled look passed over the
agents face, He said he was sorry,
but that wasn't in the book.-Sunny
South.
Client.-"I've got a job for you,
Smith has sued me for my board"
Lawyer--"And you refuse to pay ii,
Why sof"
Client.-"Because no had nothing
fit for q hog to eat"
Lawyer.-"Ahal you want me te
help you beat him out of his hoard
bill against you on tho ground that his
grub is not fit for hog te eat, dc
your"
Client.-"No; ! want you to cat hi,
grub. | thank it viii suit you.'-Pari'
Beacon.
II you would be in the very latost
English fashion make yourself a small
red or green velvet lobster and set it al
the side OF the square opening Of YOU
frock waist. The more ferocious tn,
lobster looks the better.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30
Very Bad Payment for a Bad Debt.

II can remember" said Henry Ward
Beecher, when ! received an old COW
in payment OF bad debt. II was
very bad debt, and ! came to consider
it a bad payment. She was a thin,
but the former owner said she was bet
ter than she looked, being cross be-
tween Jersey and the durham. She
looked as II she might have been q
cross between an old hair trunk and
an aba9doned hoopskirt kept the
brute three days, and no one, except
perhaps Lieutenant Atwell, could ever
appreciate the suffering / endured in
that time. The first night she broke
Ehsough' the fenco and reduced to a
pulpall the underclothing belonging
to my next door neighbor. She put
her horns through my bath tnb, and
ate up all my geraniums.i She was to
give three gallons OF milk day, but
saS seemed short Just then, and never
had that to spare while we kept her.
The second day she walked into the
Kitchen upset pan OF butter and a
tubOf lard. Then she fell down well,
and when / got her out at cost Of $5,
she took the collie, whoopingcough or
something and kept us awake all night.
Not q green thing was left in my gar
den; my neighbor's peach trees and
the rope on which his underwear grew
were as bare Of fruit as singletree,
and he did not have twig OF shrub
berry left, My neighbor came over to
see me, and said:
"'Now. don't desire any quarrel,
but want you to keep your COW out
of my shrubbery.'
"And / want you, my friend, said /
ito keep your shrubbery out of my
cow"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30

The Secretary of the Navy and the
Secretary of War were in consultation
at the Brooklyn Navy Yard with
Commander Schley concerning the
Greedy relief expedition. The follow
ing statement relative TO the recent
reports of the treatment of the bodies
of the dead OF the Greedy expedition
was obtained from them after the con-
sultation:
"FIom the revelations made by ex-
huming some Of tho bodies, differences
have been drawn that incisions had
been made in all the bodies, and that
portions of the flesh had been used
either for food or for bait for catching
shrimps. The following authentic ex-
tract from Commander schley'sreport
now being prepared for the Secretary
of the Navy, shows portion OF the re-
mains to have been so treated, but
that those OF Lieut.. Lockwood, Scr
geant Israel, Sergeant Linn, Private
Schneider. Sergeant Cross, and the
Eskimo Ohristiansen were absolutely
whole and untouched.
"In preparing tho bodies ofthe dead
for transportation in alcohol 70 St
John IL was found that ths bodies o.
six Of them (Lieut. KislingburS, Ser
geant Jewell. Private Whistler, Private
Henry, Private Ellis, and Sergeant
Ralston) had been cut and the Hcshy
parts removed TO greater or less OK
tent. All the other bodies were
intact" a4
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30
ssill wye andi I.hrenology.

An erroneous phrenologist once told
me that would shine as o revivalist,
and said that l ought to marry tall
blonde, with nervous, sanguinary
temperament. Then he said: "One
dollar please" and / said: "All light,
gentle scientist with a tawny name,
will give you the dollar and marry the
tall blonde with bank account and
bilious temperament when you give
me chart showing me how to dispose
of brown-eyed brunette with a
thoughtful cast OF countenance, who
married me in an unguarded moment
two years ago."
He looked at me in a reproachful
kind of way, struck at me with chair
in an absent-minded manner and stole
away.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30

Among the articles in the North
Anser3can Revie,s for September, three
in particular merit the serious consid-
Grafton Of everyone who studies the
tendehcies. Of our government The
leading one'is BY Bishop J. Lancaster
spaldihg, who insists that the only
sure "Basis Of Popular Government
isIhorality, not culture Of the intellect
nor universal suffrage, nor the deyel.
opment Of material resources; and
that If the country is TO be saved from
ruin, there must be q return to the un-
compromising moral code Of the foun.
defs of New England, The policy o.
"The Exclusion OF the Chinese" is ad
violated by John II. burst, who pre-
sents a striking array OF forcible ant
original arguments against Mongoliar
Immigration. Four distinguished
| writer's on political economy, namely
David A. Wells, Thomas G. Shearman
]. B. Sargent, and Prof. w. g, Summer
set forth, from nearly every conceiya
bic point Of view, the Evils OF th'
Tariff System" and it is announce,
that in the Reaiew for October severa
writer's of no less distinction will ex
hibit the Benefits Of the Tariff Sys
tenn" The other articles in the cur
rent number are "The Demand Of tn
Industrial Spirit, by Charles Dudle
Warner "Inspiration and Infallibili
lty", by the Rev. DR.. J. II. Rylance
"The Need Of Liberal Divorce Laws
| by Elizabeth Cady Stanton; and "Ou
Remote Ancestry, by Prof. Alexande
| Winchell.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30
wilkim'. Proverbs.

Many are comfortable only when
orhers are not.
The political dance is not always a
square dance.
The argument OF ignorance is often
based on the force of bigotry.
Clothes don't always make the man
unless he sells them at good profit.
The world is great barber shop
and every man waits his turn to be
shaved. ~
No tombstones mark the gravos in
the cemetery where lost hopes are
inferred. S-s
The bee that is loudly proclaiming
that the world owes it living, goes
honeyless to bed.
Every man desires his own deeds
emblazoned in long primer-his neigh
bors in diamond type.
"Schooners" Of beer sail the sea o.
trouble.land many mariner is wreck
cd when "half seas ovegs"
Men and horses differ. The latter
are worthless unless they are broke
and the former are worthless if they
are ditto.
More money can be made in on'
days strict attention to ones own bus
mess then by ten days minding the at
fairs of ones neighbor.-WhitehOl
Tinles.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30

Honest old farmer who never cheat
cd man. ayes, this is our family
hoss an wouldn't sell him il times
want so hard.'
"He's sound, l suppose2"
Sound rs dollar"
Man buys the animal. When the
farmer returns home, his wife asks:
"Did you sell old Bob?"
"Yes, an got good trade. Didn't
cough but once durin' the sale an then
yelled, What air you snortin' about
here, tryin' to git skeered." lam glad
he's out of the way for he mout we
spread the glanders among the work
teams"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30

Er good iedge O ier hoss is nearly
allus er good jedge O er man.
De worl' doan owe no man er libin'.
Err man owes in ter hisse'f.'
Er oman is honester den er man,
but she amt SO truthful. Dis amt
sayin' much fur de 'oman's honesty ur
de mans truth.
When we gains our own consent tor
grow ole, we hab won er mighty battle.
1t is den dat we is better fitted fur dis
worp an de worp ter come.
Take selfshness frum de human
family an dar wour be only ignorance
left. De good man, in sarvin' hisse'f
sarves de public, but neberdeless, he is
selfish.
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30

"Boy!" he called as he snapped his
fingers at post-office boot-black, "are
you The lad I handed dollar bill to
yesterday to get changed, and
you beat me out OF thirteen cents?"
"No, sir"
"Look Quit How do you know you
aint?"
"'Cause; do I look like the boy
who'd beat you out of a shilling when
I could walk off with the dollar!
Stranger you must have got hold of
some poor leetle kid who's just begun
bizness. ."-Eetroh Free Press
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30
Mary AntlersOn's Agent.

"Are you the manager OF the
cablef"
II am, sir"
"Well, am DR.. Hamiltog Grifin's
stepfather and business manager Of
Miss Mary Anderson, the promising
young Kentuckey actress"
"Sit down sir; what can we do for
you to-dayf"
81 would like to have you send a
small item to the American papers"
Certainly with pleasure, is Miss
Mary about to join a nunnery, or is
she engaged to wed British dukef"
"Neither, those tickets, / regret to
say, are played out. think you'd
better announce that she has eloped
with Melrose Abbey, brother of West
minister and Henry Z. Abbey, And
here, by the way, arc couple OF matt
nee tickets for YOU"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30

According to contemporary one OF
the leading German professors of the
piano in St. Louis adopts the mode Of
teaching that is unique as far as the
avoidance of circumlocution is con-
cerned. The following dialogue illus
trates his system: Teacher-"You
wants to learn TO blay de biano?" Pu-
pil-"Yes." Teacher-"Dot's right.
Sit down py me, rigid CLOSE py me.
Now zee---dis vas A unit dis vas D unit
dis vas 9 unit dis vas Ddnt dis vas E
unit dis vas F unit dis vas G" Pupil
Yes" Teacher-"Now We blays d e
Moonlight Sonata"
The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-08-30
CoaIdn.t Hheeilp Il. IL

.0"My friend. you ars drinking more.
than is good for you. In fact. you are
throwing youlself away" '.'e '"'
II understand, but l cant help It.
lam aeandidate on the prohibition
ticket."--Arkdasasc Traveller.