The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1884-10-02
HUMOR.

IT was Massachusetts, jury that
rendered the verdict: "Died by the
hereditary visitation Of God" The
man had broken his neck when drunk,
and similar mishap had befallen his
grandfather
GTMLET--"By the way. l was mis-.
taken about Olcson.' Auger-"In what
particularly" Gimlct--"l on recollect
said he was Swedcnborgian. Augur
-"Yes." Gimlet--"W he's a Nor
wcgian.'
MRs. CLASSICAL, who has experienced
the pleasures Of the sea, wonders il
they are ever seasick when crossing the
Styx. Ii they are, she saws she would
rather live forever than attempt the
passage.
PASSENGER Here, porter, take this
thing away Sleeping-car Porter
@Why, sab, that's pillow a pill
low! This little thing?" "Why, yes,
sab. What did YOU 'spect it was?" Il
thought it was poultice.
The young man from the country and
his girl were drifting slowly into an ice
cream saloon when the following met
his eye: vanilla, chocolate, lemon,
and strawberry ice-cream. $3.50 per
GAL He turned and fed.
Wire tanxiously) What did that
young lady observe who passed US just
now?' Husband with smile Of calm
delight)-"Why, my love, she observed
rather a gool-looking man walking
with quite an elderly female; that's all.
Ahem.'
"MARr,' said Mrs. Sharply to her
maid, "you really must put some sort
of dish ont on the step to hold tire
ice, SO there won't be puddle Of water
left there every morning. "What dish
shall / use, mum?" Anything would
do. Suppose You use a teacup."
"No," SAID the houscmaid Il dom,
apologize to a man when / throw a
bucket Of water down the front steps to
wash EN-, and he comes along and gets
drenched. I've tried apolocizing, but
I've found there's nothing you can say
to man will satisfy him.
WIFE-"What are yon dreaming of,
John?" John IA New York cashier) j.
Il was not dreaming, / guess. 20,
yes, you were in regular day dream
Were you thinking Of your castles in
Spain?" "Well, no! The fact is, was
wondering about the price of castles in
Canada"
SHE-"You say he couldn't straddle
the Elind?" He-"Yes." She--"Wha
was the matter? Was the blind tot
wide for him?' He-"No." She
"Was it a defect in his legs?' He
mo. l believe the defect was in hi.
hand.'-New York Graphic,
Ar the club: Young de Philltoddl,
ito friend )-"Do you know that poo
Gabbleton has lost his mind?" Frien,
--"Indeed! He is to be congratulated.
Young NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. lie
How 500" Friend-"It was the genera
impression that he had none to lose
but now he has corrected that error"
GEORGE" said South Side girl Il
her beau the other night, "herc is
piece in the paper headed 'kismet.
What does kismet mean?" @The wor,
must be pronounced with the silent
Nettie." replied George. "Why, tina
would be kiss me, said Nettie. "Witl
the greatest pleasure" replied George
And he did.
INQrIsITIyE BoY-What do editors
have posts for, pa? Do they have 4
be hitched up like horses? Pa-Posts
They don't have posts, my son. although
some of them ought to be hitched u
undoubtedly. What makes you asl
such queer question. l. B.-Why.
have seen in lots of papers where i
said the editor Of this paper is absen
from his post. PA mere figure 3
speech, my boy, meaning his Office o
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