Daily Republican., 1884-05-15
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
"Do you spell dog with capital
d 2" asked cid Mr.. Touzleton, looking
up from his desk. Gifts your dog.
the big black aud white cne that was
loose last night, yes" replied the Junior
book keeper, who was standing up,
writing at a desk six inches too high
for him, "spell it with the biggest d in
the alphabet. And he went on with
his work. while the old man sat and
looked at him over his baleful specta-
cles for nearly ton minutes, wondering
| II he knew what the young man meant,
aud thinking he would ask his daughter
EVELYN about 1t when he got home.
The art of keeping apace with all the
new agonies that appear In society from
time to time is one Of the most labori-
ous arts of the day. In twinklins OF
an eve, almost. some new phase OF ago.
nizing nstheticism comes to light and
its true inwardness must be fathomed;
1t is now the height Of good FORM
to have the finger-Dasls " cameod.
likeness of your sweetheart engraved
on the thumb, for instance, Is "de
rigueur every time. This warns
the kiss Of the tinser.tips to her, AZ sile
passes, into a heart -throb OF tremendous
size.
"Isyou will let me take your stick oil
candy, III show you how can swallow
it and make it ceme out ofmy ear The
candy was delivered. The young magi'
clan deliberately ate 1t. Then for tht
space of two minutes he threw himself
into violent contortions. The candy
failing to appear, he said to the exPec'
tant spectator, with an air OF great als
appointment, ~ believe I've forgotten
the rest Of it,"
Mamma-Who was that young man
you were walking with to-day" Edith
-" Lord Fitznoodle. He Is making
tour of America Mamma" DO you
know anythi ng about him r. Edith
/" He has magnificent estate in Eng
land, and lives like prince. Mamma
olives like prince, does no mercy
don't recognize him again. 1 had nc
| idea he was 30 bad as that"
Fair DIVISION" My dear" said the
aunt OF young widow to her niece one
day, sis that your husbands portrait
on the wall 2" Yes,auntie.' "hs"
|bIissfully happy, and what . heaven
| q n earth m ust have been his life below"
simpered the aunt. "Ah, yes" said
the widow "but we divided the thing
up, 80 that when he became blisslu' III
heaven, became happy on EARTH
A young lady reading In newspaper
the other day OF q girl having been
made crazy BY sudden kiss, call led the
attention of her uncle, who was IN the
room, to that singular occurrence
| W whereupon the old gentleman gruffiy
demanded what the fool had gone crazy
l. tor. "What did she go crazy ior!
archly returned the ingenious maiden
Why, for more, suppose T.
He'd been waltzing with his hosts
elder daughter, and was in q corner re-
pairing damages. Here he was espiec
by his would-be papa.in-law. she II
the flower OF my family, Sir, SAID the
latter. $50 it SEEMS answered tht
| oung man. Pity she comes on 80
amt it 2" he continued, as he essayeo
another vigorous rub at the white spots
Oh MS coat slteSo.
MIR. and Mrs. Buntl,n were going Out
to walk. Watt" said Mrs. b., unit
30 back and get my umbrella Il
isn't going to rain, is it 2" asked Mr.
r. "Not that know Of "Thel
| what do YOU want with an umbrella Z
"Oh, l al ways like TO have somethin!
along with me when I'm walking.
MIR. b. looked bothered, but didn't seei
any explanation.
Money in Him.-A literal-mindet
younpster was picked up by mem be-
his knee, said 81 wish l had thi
little boy l think there Is money II
him" To which promptly Responded
the child ~ know there Is, ior
swallowed a farthing when l was 81
Qrandma's the other day"
"Well, how did you make out II
Texas ?" was asked of theatrica
manager who had just made a tril
through that State. First-rate,' NJ
replied. Make plenty of money ?
"Oh. no: lost money What ut
YOU mean then by saying that you dlt
frst. rate ?" can but two of US %
caped with our lives.
During the war, lady passing from
cot to cot through the wards OF q bospl
tai, was shocked TO hear one leiloV
laugh at her. She stopped to reprov'
lhe wretched patient. "Why, ma'am'
SAYS he, "you have given me tract OF
the sin of dancing, when l have ooti
legs shot of"
"Your daughter? Is 1t possible,
Why YOU look more like twin sisters:
" MOL assure you she is my onl!
daughter" replied the pleased mother
And the polite old gentleman spoiled
all by remarking, " Well, she certain;
Hooks old enough TO be your sister.
First Old Lady" Who is that nice
l,ookino gentleman across the street?'
Second old lady" Nice looking? He
la complete and perfect bear Firs
old lady-"Oh, l see; member OF tn
|OU Exchange" +" Second old lady
mo, he's not; but he'smy son-in-law.
Ma. what Is an angel ?" asked
little miss one day. "A pelhg Gna nv.
lflies," answered the mother. nu
Iwhy does pa call my governess an an
lgel'? She doesn't hy.' Wen, OK
lclaimed the mother, "she Is going '
lily Immediately"
| "How do look, Milly ?" aske
kBrown, who had donned his new dres
suit for the first time. Milly hesitate
hut a moment. Why, papa J. sh
exclaimed, gazing at his exPanssii,v
shirt.front, "you look exactly hk
Tolu's kite p
"No," said Bass, I didn't go to &c
the new building. l preferred to rea
the newspaper descriptions. They wei
ever 80 much better than the real thin
could possibly be. l always IKE to g
, the best there is going, you know
A little boy was asked by his motht
to 20 to the dairy and get some egg
He went, and on his return ne droppee
them. His mother asked him II l