The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-08-15

or course. what DO you intend to
wearP" II will wear waterproof
cloak. I've been at picnics before"
My arrest Is foul outrage. and 1
shall make the authorities suffer for it.
What in heavens name were you
doing. Absolutely nothing. / was
engaged in work on my farm when the
officers swooped down and captured
me. HIM; yes. What do you raise on
your farmP Notes.-RocheSter Post
Express. 90
The seats in Western church are
set on pivots, like those in dry-goods
store. This enables the fair worshiper,
who sits pretty we'll up in front. to
turn around and count the mum Der of
new bonnets in the house without
screwing her head off almost. and
going nome with q stiff neck.-NorriS-
town Herald.
al am choost as full ash bag of
-four" remarked an inebriate to q
sober friend. 'There Is difference
between you and sack of flour, how
ever" What ish differenceP" When
sack is full it can stand up, but when
1
the ground without holding on. "-IeI-
as SythagS.
"n," said an Austin school-teacher,
'.you 60 TO butcher shop and pay ten
cents Il pound for meat, how many
pounds" Up went the hand of q
new boy from the country. What is
it, Johnny?" when we want meat
we don't go to Il butchers shop. Pa
goes out on the prairie and kills
maverick. "-7e1aS Sittings.
Jane, hear your beau is little
wild; not very steady, they say"
.Oh, yes, he is; he is one of the most
steady young men l ever saw"
Steady Oh, no, he can't be. I've
heard he was anything else but steady"
swell, he just is steady. He has al
ways come to the house every evening
since we were first engaged, drunk or
sober"
A gentleman made his way into tho
bed-chamber of one of his friends, and
found him fast asleep with pair of
spectacles upon his nose. ''Whatw
cried he, awakening him, ''do you
wear your spectacles while you sleep?'
"Oh!" replied the other. II am so
near-sighted that without my glasses 1
could sec nothing whatever in my
dreams"
An exchange thinks ''the time may
come VIXEN the thunderstorm may be
called up by artificial means" Gomez
Why, bless you, it is here. The only
artificial means necessary is to get up
a Sunday-school picnic. There may be
an occasional failure, but it is about rs
reliable as anything on this ever
changing globe-savo death and taxes.
-NorriStown Herald.
"How glorious it is to be engaged ia
q purely intellectual occupation"
murmured Boston maiden gazing
rapturously into the admiring eyes Of
country editor; '.your own mental
faculties for tools, and the whole uni
verse for q workshop. Now tell me-"
she added. "what do you find the most
difficult thing connected with your
noble professionp" Paying tho
hands," said the editor. Philadelphia
Call.
"Ah, Charlie, my dear boy, what's
your hurryp" "Well. to tell you the
truth. Ned, my defalcation has been
found out, and / am in rather hurry
to get away" "Well. come up to the
club and tell me about it, and"
mo, really can't; have got to leave
in the morning. The Sheriff has just
told me that will be arrested in a day
or So" "Well, good-by, old man;
write when you have time. boston
Post.
She had just returned from Vassar.
I'D ctr Il; In- Il o;r
II hope, my dear" said tho old man,
"that you haven't acquired any of the
vulgar slang phrases which so many of
the Vassar young ladies are said to
use" "You bet haven't, papa" she
said brightly; "when anybody catches
me talking slang he is especially in
vited to slug mo in the seventh rib"
''That is right, my daughter; never in
dulge in slang. 1t gives young lady
dead away."-M Y San.
was forced to smile the other day
when Mrs. Scoville, now known us
Mrs. Howe, the sister of the late Chas.
Guiteau, called on me to examine the
MS. of book which she had prepared
for publication, and, in the course of
her conversation, stated that her
former husband was about to marry
again, and that she had lot Of we'd
ding stationery that they had not used.
and which she proposed to send him
in good and generous spirit, to facili-
ate matters on tho occasion. Chicago
Tribune "Afda about 1Ot0n."
An amusing story is going the rounds
of tho Indian papers, told by Kanda-
har news writer. An Afghan lady
applied to the Amir Abdur Rahman for
judicial separation on the ground
that her spouse was becoming bald
headed by reason of age. The Amir
solemnly ordered vial of sour milk to
be poured over the husbands head, and
ordered the wife to lick it off. This
humiliating ceremony performed. the
woman was placed on n donkey. her
face to its tail, and was led through
the hazar. Query: Is sourmilk good
for badness? co.. -
A Modern Fable: The Fate of tho
Fly.-A Fly who thought he had Dis
covprnd n Soft Snan fn,,pd HE foot