The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1884-11-20
AT NIAGARA FALLS.

"Oh!' squoaked Mrs.o Spoopcndyke,
Historically, rs sho gazed on the falls
with ono eye. and furtively threw the
other around on tho other women to
SEQ if they were any better dressed than
SIC was. Isn't this wonderful Say,
my dear, shouldn't you think that little
island would bo afraid over there alone
by iIselfP"
ats safer there than it would be
ashore" muttered Mr.. Spoopendyke,
dropping highly wrought bead bag in
ibis effort to jam u pair of moccasins,
hat weren't mates, into his pocket.
eff that island is any way hard up and
half smart, it'll stay whore it is, and
hold ON to what it's got! say, what're
you going to do with these shoes if you
ever get 'em homcP" he continued, as
the larger one hitched up and dropped
to the ground.
Don't lose it'll" exclaimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke, anxiously. II am going
to hang them up in the parlor."
''If the man who sold them was any
way reasonable in his charges, I'd like
to hire him to get into 'em about the
time the hanging comes OFF, growled
Mr.. Spoopendyke. 'Look here! Have
you any fixed idea of the distance you
expect mo to lug this old shinney stickP
Got any accurate notion of the labor
involved in hauling the dod gasted
thing aroundp"
"rhat's an Indian war club" protest
cd Mrs. Spoopendykc. Il want that.
and you mustn't lose it for anything."
''From my experience around hero I
don't s'pose / could lose it for moth
ingn' gruntcd Mr. Spoopendyke. "But
what want to know" he continued,
settling one end of tho CLUB in his hip
pocket, and trying to conceal the other
under his coat. "What 1 want to know
is. when the measly thing is calculated
to 60 on q peace footing. Here! In
what portion of my habilimcnts am 1
expected to secrete this cemeteryp
Where does this rapidly -growing-in-
popularity graveyard goP'
'Oh. my! It's work-basket!' CHR
ruped Mrs Spoopondyke. you must
carry that in your hand, or you'll break
1t! Bay, dear, "and she took his arm
and crept more closely to him. Don't
you enjoy itP Isn't that awful fall of
terrible water just too lovelyP What
makes it fall down like thatp''
II don't know" rctorted Mr. Spoop-
endykc, eyeing the scene with scowl,
and dropping an arm full of stcrcoscop-
ic views. 81 suppose il falls like that
because it can't run up. If you could
get into the confidence of the thing, 1
presume it would refer you to the
theory of gravitation, and that would
turn you over TO tho doctrine of press-
'ure. BY that time we wouldn't have
money to get homo with. Say, do YOU
:renlly think you're going to ncod this
gun boat for anything to which you can
give q definite doscriptiOn pn
"Oh. my, little cancel" cried Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "Pm going to hang
that on the chandelier with pretty rib
bons."
~That'll provide good deal of en-
tertainmcntr snortcd Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, hunching tho canoe into his arm
pit SO as to get better grip on the
keel. "But my judgment is that this
self-acting chunk of aboriginal trans
portation is going to need Bessemer
steel chains to hold 1t. / can under
stand how savage could sail in the
thing, but what want now is the COM
bination by which he stopped it when
he got ready to-Hold on! Catch hold
of that junk, If you calculate to save
it! Shove it under my arm. will YEP
Now, tip up the other end so can got
q purchase! don't know, though"
ruminated Mr.. Spoopendyke. gutteral-
ly, "a man don't want much help to
find purchase around here" and he
glarod about him and then stopped
over to pick up tomahawk and
pipe.
"Wo've got lots of nice things to re-
mind US OF Niagara, haven't we, dearp"
smiled Mrs. Spoopendyke, encourage
ingly. But want to get fow little
trinkets for tho ladies in tho church.
Only little ones. you know"
'Yes. know" grinned Mr. Spoop-
endyke. They'll have to be little, for
I've only got my ears loft to stow in.
40 on and buy theml Don't hesitate
on my account Those dod gasted wo-
men expect 1t, and they're going to
nave III All want now Is o war trail
and consignment of belated govern
ment rations to look like n measly res-
ervationl Bring on the consipnnenti
Disinfect the goods and file the invoices
on the hack of my neck! If you meet
man VaAh lumber yard on his shoul-
der and hammer in his fist, get him
to build wing and a loft on me, and
then 60 ahead with your Niagara fallsl
Whoopl There goes more prehistoric
civilization! Can you reach down and
hand mo those spears and that left
handed scythp with o wart on its spinep
Now just run 'cm through my suspen-
ders behind, and tic that war bonnet
around my neck!"
whats that in your mouth, dearp"
inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke, solicit
ously.
"a flint arrow head" growled Mr..
Spoopendyke. vindictively. 'And it'll
take q dentist to get it ouu Then he'll
go blowing around that he's found an
Aztec battlefield, and they'll fence my
jaw in, and charge admissionl Let il
alone, will yei paid three dollars for
1t, and I'm going to chaw ON it while IL
lastsi Seen enough OF thisp Want IN