The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-07-25
J. DEER LODGE, MONTANA, JULY 25, 1884
WHOLE NO. 7S5.
WHY WE LAUGH.
The parson at the wedding is the right man

The parson at the wedding is the right man
in the rite place.-Ha,okeye.
| The Prince of Wales owes nearly million
dollars. He should run to Canada. a.-Jersey
City Journal.
| 1t is singular contradiction that when the
mosquito visits you he stays to hum.-Com-
naercial Bulletin.
Money is a drug with the New York banks.
1t would be well If few of the druggists
would move West.
The easiest way to mark table linen: Leave
the baby and a blackberry pie alone at the
table for few minutes.-Boston Gazette.
We are going to publish chronological
charts of our subscribers heads. Those who
pay promptly will have splendid heads
Pretzers Weekly.
Were Shakespeare alive to-day he would
probably change his "Alls the worlds a
stage" to "All the worlds palace car
| Saturday Night.
| A party in Paris makes a living renting
out teeth. Where they are swallowed by
mistake the deposit is forfeited.-E. Y. Com
mercial Advertiser.
eyes, I am pretty tired, ;" he said ''I sat up
| all night with a corpse" "Was it a wake q"
| asked friend. "No," he answered sadly,
lit was not awake it was dead"
A Western exchange remarked of a candi-
date for certain State office: "He has a
large following" and the opposition organ
| ampliied the item by adding, "of creditors" ;"
Huntington Free Press.
"Is the earth round or fiat ?" was once
asked of candidate for the position of
school teacher. "Oh, I'm not particular"
was the reply, "some likes it round and some
likes it fiat; / teach either way"
In Kentucky woman has been supplied
with an iron jaw and her husband is un-
happy. He says she will have that jaw worn
out in about three weeks, and he can't afford
to buy her new one sixteen times a year.
They make cream by machinery now. Fact
is, cows have become so lazy that were 1t not
for the pump, the chalk-pit and the god-like
intelligence of man, the dairy would soon
become an obsolete nstitution.-Boston
Transcript.
Mrs. A.-"So you have been to the circus %
Mrs. B.-"Yes." Mrs. Ais it worth 60
ing to see?" Mrs. Bob, yes, indeed, de-
cidedly." Mrs. A.-"What impressed you as
being the most noteworthy feature of the
exhibition 2" Mrs. B.-"The smell "-Boston
Transcript.
When a man comes into this office to bor-
row money we ask him politely to sit down
and tell him we will give it to him just as
soon as we explain to him what tariff for
revenue only" means. By the time ~e are
half through he is either dead or about four
miles away, still running.-Dry Goods Bulle-
tin
"Shall / sing When the Robins Nest
Again. darling?" she asked with a sweet
smile, as she moved toward the piano. eyes,
love" he replied; theu, after n moments
pause, he added "Allow me to call your at
| tention to the fact that the robins won't nest
again till next year" She did not sing and
| he doesn't 60 there any more.-Somerville
Journal.
A man may hear mosquito buzz at dis
| tance of twenty feet, and the very next day
fail to hear the whistle of the locomotive
| that passes. All flesh is grass, dearly be-
iofcuJ ahu IL ID sioab pity bnab tho ioSoiuo-
| tive doesn't buzz like the mosquito, and the
mosquito whistle like the locomotive
| Puck.
A tramp stopped ut a house on Main street
| the other day and asked for something to eat.
(Which do you like BEST" asked the hired
girl, "stsak or chop?" The tramp meditated
a minute, and then replied, "chop." "Step
right this way" said the hired girl" "Heres
the ak and there's the woodpile. "-Burling.
| ton Free Press.
Magistrate (who has lately taken to him.
self wig, severely)-"H'm, think have
seen you here before and on a similar
charge" Drunk and disorderly female
"Ne, your 'onor; s'elp me, never! The last
| time was up it was afore bald-'eaded old
cove, not a bit like ye." Sentence: Fourteen
| days.-London Judy.
"My DEAR" said young wife to her hus-
band, who had already fallen into the habit
| of going to the lodge in the evening, and
| who was just preparing to 60 out, 81 am
going up the street to interview the superin-
tendent Of the postoffice this evening" "Ah,
indeed-on what business, pray?" "I want
| to see IL he can give me any ADVICE in regard
to getting an habitually late male in on
| time"
| $50 Schnapp is dead?" "Yss, poor fellow,
he has gone al last He was a good man and
a consistent Christian Consistent Chris.
tianl What do you mean? I thought he
kept the worst groggery in town." "Yes, SO
he did, but he was good man for all that
He never neglected his religious duties. He
always kept tho front door of his saloon
closed on Sundays. Transcript.
A fashionable Austin lady was very much
shocked last Sunday at hearing the strains
of An operatic air that were waited from q
neighboring beer saloon. "The police ought
to stop that profane music on Sunday" she
remarked Indignantly. why, that is the
same air we heard this msrning in church, "
remarked her husband. "Yes, but that is a
different thing" "What is the difference ?"
"We had our best clothes on then. That
makes all the difference in the world
Teras SytinGs.
In Colorado editors are nothing if they are
not complimentary. The Como Headlight
man says, judging from the last issue of the
Idaho Springs Ne,cs, he infers its editor is
suffering from an attack of
| Worms.
Headache.
| Indigestion.
S-tomachache.
| Kidneys cut of order.
! E-rysipelas.
| yellow jaundico.