The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-08-02
The Corners Ratify the Nomination.
From the Toledo Blade.1

The nOOze NV the nOminashen NV
Cleveland for the Presidency by the
Democratic Nashnel ConYenshun at
Chicago recent the Corners by mule
express from the stashen at Secession
vile. To say that the nooze evoked
the profoundest sensashen is putin
it altogether too mild. The horn was
footed from the front NV Bascom's
grosery, and at the summons the citi-
zens NV the Corners. rallied at the
meetin house and we organized our
selves to wunst into a ratification
meetin.
| took the chair, ez a matter of
course, and Issaker Gavill was yoo-
nanimuSly appointed sekretary, he
being the only citizen NV the Dime
kratic persuasion in the Corners witch
hez the gift of ritin' ceptin myself,
and, NV course, l can't be president
and secretary NV the same meetin.
The follerin resolooshun wuz to
wunst submitted:
ReSOJUed, That the Dimocrisy NV
COnfederit X Roads heV heerd with
mingled emOShunS NV pleasure and
gratitoOd NV the nominaShen NV that
sterlin patriot and world-renowned
statesman, Cleveland, Wv
Their ensood at this pint Il most
Okkered pause.
"What state is Cleveland from ?"
inquired the cheerman NV the COM
nifty on ResOlOOshens.
"Uy Moo York." 1 answered
promptly.
The blark wuz filled in, wen UNI
fortchnitly it was sejestid that eZ the
resolooshens wuz agoin out to the
world, it wood be decent to put his
fust name, and not one Nv us knOwd
what it wuz.
Deekin Pogram insistid that il
must be AndrOO.
"The fust vote l cast for Dino
KRAFT for President" heremarkt, "wu2
for Authoritarian JaXOn; and
the last Dimokratic President we hed
wuZ another Authorization Jon.
sen. This man Cleveland, his name
must be Androo."
And so it went into the resoloO.
shens "Androo Cleveland"
/ diskivered a kiffikilty the mint
l red the platform. Deekin Pogram
is, and alluz hez bin, a violent free.
trader, while Issaker Gavitt is, and
heZ bin, violent professionals ever
sence he SekOored a interest in a
rollin-mill witch sum Eastern capy.
talists establish on his fathers farm
| supposed, however, that | had EN-
both fixed. red it to EN- separately
and cOnStroOd TO Issaker that moth
ing Good be more perteckshun, and
to the good old Deekin that it wuZ ez
wildly free trade ez even he Good de-
sire.
The platform WuZ red Ivy myself
and we proposed another resoloosher
approvin that. Then trubble ensood
Deekin POgram, witch is a violent
free-trader, riz to remark that he COCO
vote for that platform with his whole
hart and sole. He he'd bin a free
trader all his life, and he never knoWG
a Dimecratic cOnvenshun to plant
itself 50 cleerly and explicitly on the
side NV free-trade since he he'd bin in
pollytix.
Issaker Gavitt riz to say he GOOD
vote for the tariff plank with all his
hart, becOZ that plank showed thai
the Dimocrisy he'd finely got right or
the tariff questionable plank, eZ he
red it, being for the perteckShun Nv
Amerikun industry. 1t wuz encur.
ridgin to them wicn believed in pro.
gress and SIGH to hey the Dimocrisy
NV the Nashen rite onto this most i'm.
portant pint.
"Do 700 pertend to say that the
Dimocratic platform favors perteck-
shun 2" shreeked the Deekin. "E2
it wuz red to me, it is for free-trade
pure and simple"
"Yoo old ass, can't you understand
plane English? Eff it isn't square
toed perteckshun dockyment can't
spell. 700 are a fool, and alluz wuz."
Jist then the Deekin. in the inter-
est Nv harmony, announst his inten-
shun NV whallin Issaker, and pro-
ceedid to do it, and ez the old man
alluz did hev muscle, there wuz the
prospex Nv lively row. He jumped
across the seets to the secretary's desk
and he'd Issaker by the throte, and
Issaker he'd him by the hair wher it
is the shortest, and they wuz rollin
on the floor in less'n no time,
In the meantime, Bascom and
Kernel M'Pelter he'd got into tns-
sci ez to what the platform meant on
the money question and the rest NV