The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-10-25
An orric1AL TORCH COULTER.
TPeck,s Sun.I


 rPcck's Sun.I
 There is one more office that should be erected for the benefit Of the people at large, and that is regularly ordained o. 6ciai Teych Counter" whose duty ii shall be to stand at a certain place when a togch-light procession is passing. count the torches and take the official time that point. This official should not be re- publican or democrat, or an independent and should be independent Of all parties. but should draw salary from the gov- ernment There is not one thing in which people are more deceived than in the number of torches in a procession, and the time it takes the procession to pass a given point If it is a republican procession, the republican papers say there were four thousand nine hundred and eighty-ope torches carried by actual voters, that the procession was two hours and thirty minutes passing given point, that the scene was one of oriental mag ni6cence, and that the enthusiasm on the part of the fifty thousand people showed that the republican candidass was favori,e. People who take this statement as true are rudeiy awakened from their stupor by reading the democratic paper, which will assert on oath, that there were only eleven hundred and seven torches in the procession, that most of them were carried by hoodlums. that no one would have known of the procession except for an occasional howl from a drunken Blaine man. that the party could have passed given point in fifteen minutes, if the given point had not been a saloon where free beer was furnished the vagrants who carried the bad smelling tin cans lift is democratic procession, the republican paper will pass it over by the sighting remark that z few of Cleve- lands bummers were out on a drunk with 1ambeaux the night be4ore, and they would have burned the town very likely, if the police had not inter- fesred and locked them up for disordesly The reader puts away the re- publican paper and picks up a demo- cratic paper, and reads of the grandess procession that was ever seen on the continent, eight thousand and seven hundred voters being in line with torches, by actual count, all well drilled, going through evolusions that would have done credit to veteran soldiers, that the streets were ablaze with fireworks and en- thusiasm, and that Cleveland stock is on the rise. By this time the reader will bo gin to show signs of insanity, and he feels the need of an official government coun- This official would have to be appointed by republican president, under existing SO he would probably en- large on republican processions, and not give the full particulars in regard to the processinas, if a politician were appointed. So the SDa would sug- gest that an honest woman, with no poli- tics, but with good head for figures and a reputation for honesty, be appointed With such an official, an honest woman, 10 give the figures upon honor, each afser a procession, much trouble could be avoided, and the quarrels over the number of torches would be things of the past, and everybody would be happy. Men are not fitted for the work. Take two respectable, honest men, of op- posite politics, and place them at given pointRt to count the torches of a proces- stSgas nAso tnCy VIII HUI oktCC Wtthiu tWO and they will call each other liars and horse-thieves, and will have match, and roll in the gutter before the procession gets around the corner. Let the two great parties unite ,n an honest woman for official torch counter. and she cannot be appointed minute too soon for the peace of mind of he people.