Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-04-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Organizers-Italians.
Many F'heavy swells" float on the bill
owes of credit.
Beware of dried apples. They love not
wisely but to SWELL Chicago Sun.
A prairie farmer reports that q late
winds lifted about everything from
his lands except the mortgage. - Ctncia-
Qatj COnanlercj1J- Gaz8tt8.
81 aim to tell the truth" eyes" in
tewupted an acquaintance, 'and you are
probably the worst shot in America. -
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
"Father-'T never imagined that your
studies would cost me so much money"
Student-''Yes, and | don't study much,
either. -FIjegende BIatter.
"Laugh, and the world laughs with
you," Miss Wheeler says. Yes, and
slip, and the world laughs at you. At
least that has been our experience. .-Bg-
taLo Express.
"Will you have small piece of the
light meat or a small piece Of the dark2"
asked Bob's uncle, as he carved the tur-
key at dinner 'Ill have large piece
Of both, said Bob.
"Were you ever caught in a sudden
squall ~ asked an old yachtsman of
worthy citizen. 'Well, guess SOL" re-
sponded the old man. II have helped
to bring up eight babies p'-BurIingtoD
Free Press.
There is postmaster in Texas who has
been in three wars and has lived under
five governments, says news item. If
he has been married five times we can't
imagine why he has been in only three
wars. s.-Ho0sler.
1t may be a little late in the season.
but we want to give our gardening
friends brand-new and strictly reliable
method of making hot bed in a short
space of time. This is the way: Apply
a lighted match to the straw ticking.
Oerrick.
It's fortunate thing for the male sex
that malaria is prevalent about the time
that spring house cleaning arrives. 1t
enables a man to pretend that he is very
sick, to escape the torture of putting
down the carpets ets-PhjJadelphja ChrOnl-
cte- Telegram.
Mrs Mary L. Booth, editor Of Harper's
Begar, deplores the deficiency woman
suffer in being deprived ofpockets. She
does not consider that they have the
plcthoric pockets of their fathers, hus-
bands, brothers and cousins to draw
trom.-NsU York World.
"Why do they call it leap-year, pai
Is it because it comes along just about
the time when hops are most prolifc?"
"Guess not, child. Most likely it is be-
cause it keeps men on the jump to keep
out of the way of embarrassing situa-
! tions. y YOnkerS Gazette.
A New York car-driver when he wants
to clear the track shouts eli, there, hi"
! A Chicago driver strikes his bell and
shouts: "Shake EN- up there, will you"
A Boston driver says: ''Deviate from
the direct line those equine appendages,
accelerate, accelerate, eXhilaration, lively
now. y Chicago Inter Ocean.
A Marathon amateur who wrote to the
manager Of the Madison Square theatre
to know if there was an opening on the
stage there for young actor, received
reply that there were several openings in
the stage there, and if he would come on
he would drop him through one of them
with pleasure. .-Narathon Independent.
| so IT IS.
In the spring young mans fancy turns to
yachts and kindred things,
Base ball games his soul entranceth, whab
cares he for angels wings!
And the maiden, fair and lovely as an angel,
scarcely less,
Turns her wits to work, to cajole her pa, Of
anew dress,
-NeW York Sun.