The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1884-01-24
MY UNCLE's WILL.

MY UNCLE'S MILL.
my dear Mr.. PAYNE" said M
deceased uncle's lawyer, with an en-
phatic wag of his forefinger, 81 assure
you there's no help for it. The lam
guagc of the will is perfectly simple and
explicit. Either you must do as your
late uncle desired, or you must let the
property go to the representative of his
deceased wife's family"
.'But. surely, Blenkinsopp," I said,
d~eprecatingly, 1--WE might get the
Court of Chancery to set it aside, as be-
ing contrary to public policy, or some
thing of that sort. / know you can get
the Court of Chancery to affirm almost
anything yon ask them, especially if it's
something a little abstruse and out of
the common; it gratiies the Courts
opinion of its own acumen. Now,
clearly, it's contrary to public policy
that a man should go and make his own
nephew ridiculous by his last will and
testament, isn't it?"'
Mr.. Blenkinsopp shook his head
vigorously. "Bless my soul. Mr..
Payne" he answered, helping himself,
to a comprehensive pinch from his
snuff-box Gan odious habit, confined, I
believe, at the present day to family
solicitors 'bless my soul, my dear sir,
the things simply impossible. Here's
your uncle, the late Anthony Akin,
Esquire, deceased, a person of sound
mind and an adult male above the age
of twenty-one years-to be quite ac-
curate, @tatis sue, sev~enty-eight-
makes his will, and duly attests the
same in the presence of two witnesses;
everything quite in order; no a single
point open to exception in any way.
Well, he gives and bequeaths to his
nephew, Theodore Payne, gentleman
that's you-after a few unimportant
legacies, the bulk of his real and per-
sonal estate provided only that you
adopt the surnam of Akin, prefxed
before and in addition to your own sur
name of Payne. But-and this is very
Importantly you don't choose to adopt
and use the said surname of Akin, in
the manner hereinbefore recited, then
and in that case, my dear sir-why,
then and in that case, as clear as cur
amt jelly, the whole said residue of his
real and personal estate is to go to the
heir or heirs-at-law of the late Amelia
Maria Susannah Akin, wife of the said
Anthony Akin, Esquire, deceased.
Nothing could be simpler or palmer in
any way, and there's really nothing on
earth for you to do except to choose be-
tween the two alternatives SO clearly set
before You by your deceased uncle.n
"'But look here, you know, Blenkin-
sopp," I said, appealingly, .no fellow
a really be expected to 90
and call himself Aikin-Payne,
now can he? It's positively too redicu-
lous. Mightn't I stick the Payne be-
fore the Akin, and call myself Payne
Akin, ehP That wouldn't be
quite so absurdly suggestive of
a perpetual tooth-ache. But Akin
Payne! Why, the comic papers would
take it up Immediately. Every footman
in London would grin audibly when
he announced me. i fancy I hear the
fellows this very moment; finging open
the door with a violent attempt at
seriousness, and shouting out, Mr..
Haching-Pain, ha, ha, har with a loud
outlaw behind the Intel. 1t would be
simply unendurable!"
'tMy dear sir,n answered the unsym-
pathetic Blenkinsopp (most unsympa-
thetic profession, an attorneys really,
''the law doesn't take into considera-
ton the question of the probable CON
duct of footmen. 1t must be Akin
Payne or nothing. I admit the colloca-
ton does sound a little ridiculous, to be
sure; but your uncle's will is perfectly
unequiyocal upon the subject-in fact,
ahem! l drew it up myself, to say the
truth; and unless you call yourself
A~ikin-Payne, .in the manner hereinbe-
fore recited, then and in that case, OBJ.
serve Ghere's NJ deception), then and
in thatzcase the heir or ~heirs-atlaw OF
the late Amelia Maria Susannah afore.
said will be entitled to benefit under the
will as fully in every respect as if the
property was ~bequeathed directly tc
him, her or them, by name, and to nc
other person"
"And who the dickens are these
heirs at-law, Blenkinsoppp" 1 venturec
to ask, after a moments pause, duripo
which the lawyer had refreshed himsei
with another prodigious sniff from hi:
snuff-box.
"Who the dickens are they, Mr.
Paynep I should say Mr.. Aikin-Payne
ahem-why how the dickens should
know, sirp You don't suppose I keer
a genealogical table and full ped
igree of all the second cousins of ali my
clients hung up conspicuously in somt
spare corner of my brain, do you, Ell
Upon my soul 1 really haven't the
slightest notion. All I know about
them is that the late Mrs. Amelia Maria
Susannah Akin, deceased, had one sis
ter, who married somebody or othel
somewhere, against Mr.. Anthony
Atkins wishes, and that he never hac
anything further to say to her at any
time. But where she's gone and how
she fares, nobody knows and nobody
cares, sir, as the poet justly remarks
Twas not previously acquainted with
the poets striking observation on this
matter, but l didn't stop to ask Mr.,
Blenkinsopp in what authors work
these stirring lines had originally ap
peared. L was too much occupied with
other thoughts at that moment to pur
u my Investigations into their author
ship and authenticity. Upon my
word, Blenkinsopp,' L said, i've really
half a mind to shy the thing up and e
on with my schoolmastering."
Mr.. Blenkinsopp shrugged his shoul
ders. "Believe me, my dear young
friend" he said, sententiously, 'stwelve
hundred a year is not to be sneezed at
Without inquiring too precisely into the
exact state of your existing finances,
1 should be inclined to say your present
engagement can't be worth to you
mora than xerae a vearb