South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1884-02-08

0ssS - 49, 0sUe&9s PSStsVA " uso t&uoes
bat th&k HE health demanded an hour or
two ont Of doors every day for exercise.
NO. said fond mother. speaking
proudly Of her twenty five yesr-old
daughter; mo. Mary lint old enough to
marry yet. She cries whenever any one
scolds her. and until she becomes har.
dened enough TO talk tack vigorously
she isn't st for wife.
CONTIGUOUS wasn't far out OF the way
when he said. Woman is tie master.
piece Confucius must have been mar
ried.
Dir. ks SON Gust returned from a
broad. TO new Irish butler engaged dur
ing bis ABSENCE: 'Do.you belong herc9'
Butler: 'Bedsd. sir, DO: an IL l
didn't belong here. sure wouldn't be
long here
1t IL really very odd. my dear, said
an old lady, one very hot day, to friend
Il can't bear TIL, heat in Summer, and
in Winter love It,
A LITTLE LEARnIxG.-sWhat we want
in this hero curmunity,' said an Arkan.
asschool director. SIS eddycation.. Some
time ago, when didn't knowsnothin', 1
was looked down or. but now look at
me. Been indicted for forgin' check
-14rEaasatc 7raceler.
=. How THREE SMART STUDENTS Pick
ED UP HORNETS NEST FOR A Snow
BALL.-On one occasion three students
OF Georgetown College, Kentucky. saw
the famous "Raccoon John Smith'com-
ing at distance and arrans ed that they
would walk about twenty yards apart,
and as they passed him the first one was
to cay: Good morning. Mr.. Abraha rs
tho second to call him Mr.. Isaac and
the third sMr. jacob So the first call
Oh him fMr. Abraham and the old GEN
tleman only seemed little surprised
that nybody there should not know him.
TIE second one called him Mr.. Isaac
and the old gentleman evidently suspcc-
ted something. His familiarity with the
Bible made him anticipate what the third
was going to cay and he got ready for
him.
Good morning, Mr.. Jacob said The
third student.
Stop, young man said the old gen.
tleman, Il am neither Abraham, Isaac
nor Jacob; am Saul, the son Of Kisb,
IL search OF my fatLeI's asses. and be-
hold have found three of them. Louis
vile COurier-Journal.
The WAY To PARALyzE HIM.-Dum-
ley had taken the landlady's daughter
10 the theatre and, "a usual had bust.
ness outside between the acte.
DO you see young Brown over there?'
he said to the young woman.
Yes she replied.
We'll, he is man | expect to pars.
I'VE some day.
Are you going out to sec another
man at the conclusion Of this act p she
asked.
Yes Dumley said reluctantly, Il am
afraid l shall have TO lie is waiting for
me now
WELL said the landlady's daughter,
i don't like Mr. Brown very much eli
Their. and l will tell you what to do
When you return from seeing the gen.
tleman outside who is waiting for you,
just step over TO where Dir. Brown is
sitting and breathe on him. That will
paralyzc him. Philadelphia CaU
Well, my child said father 10 his
little daughter, after she had been to
church, what do you remember of all
the preacher said 2 Nothing, was the
timid reply. .Nothingr he exclaimed,
in severe tone. Now remcmb r, the
ncyt time you must tell me something
of what he says, or you will have TO be
punished Next Sunday, the child came
home with her eyes all wild with excite
ment. Il remember something to-day,
popa,' she cried, eagerly. Il am very
glad Of it, said her father. what did
he say!' He said: a collection will
now be made'p
The happy father OF twins recently
sent the following message 90 n brother
in the West: Immense j3y--we got
wo twins to-day--more hereafter
L preserve my equilibrium under all
circumstances size was heard to say 10
pause Of the music to the tow-headed
youth who Yves her escort. DO you p |
he answered softly; tnnlhcr Gang hnre