Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-17
PLEASANTRlES.


A LINE of street cars has been started
in Calcutta. The cars are furnished,
we suppose, with the patent indicators.
IT is said that good book is the best
COMPANION man can have. This, we
imagine, is especially SO if it happens
to be handbook.
az WOULD that I could die!" walls a
Western poet. If the neighbors only
knew tiff they only knew it !! Bur
lington Free Press.
A POET in contemporary sings :
Darkness creeps about us, as the night
is coming on" The truth of the senti-
ment is at once apparent.
THERE are poems unwritten and
songs unsung," says poet. The poems
are doubtless in blank verse, and the
songs, songs without words.
TENNYsoN wrote: "Honor the Light
Brigade, honor the charge they made, -
but gas companies had souls when the
poet was young,- B afalo Express.
The price of mummies is said to have
fallen off about seventy-five per cent,
and those who deal in them declare it
''a dead give away" Lowell Courier.
IT is rather an anomaly, but the man
who is handled without gloves" is
commonly man that ought to be han
died with gloves, and clothespin on
the nose.
"You may speak" said fond mother,
"about people having strength of mind,
but when it comes to strength of don't
mind, my son William surpasses every
body that I ever knew"
odd YOU see the two ladies to-day ?"
asked Mr.. Brown of Patrick. Eyes,
sorr." "Were they here?"s eyes, sorr."
did they leave simultaneously? ?"
"Nor, soor. They both went out to-
gether.
GIN sure" said the fashionable young
lady, cha I don't understand why that
merchant keeps sending me that bill
every month. know got the things
last winter, SO what's the use of his 60
ing on reminding me?'
LITTLE EDITH has made a discovery
In natural philosophy. She guesses the
flies always turn their faces to the wall
because they are ashamed of them
selves for being such horrid nuisances to
everybody Boston Transcript.
A GOOD scheme for getting reputa-
ton for being fond of works Of art and
numbers of pictures is to lay in lot of
nicely framed chromos, and have them
SO heavily covered with mosquito net
ting that no one can see the canvas
Puck.
"THERE is certainly something the
matter with this water" said New
York gentleman, tasting glass of Gro
ton. "Why don't you send it to the
water cure establishment? remarked
his precocious son Tommy Texas
Siftings.
AN advertisement in a North Caro-
lima paper reads, ''Do you want good
mich COW? If so, call at the Weekly
office" A newspaper seems rather
funny place to keepa COW. But South
ern journalism is different from the
kind we get hereabouts.
The White Mountain hotels have
schoolmarms for walters. It is related
that their department. is perfect, while
their service is faultless, An attempt
was made to tip one with half dol
lar, which she politely returned. Wanted
a dollar, perhaps Indianapolis Jour
nal
A FEMALE mule is an improvident
animal because she is always so much
in her ears. For cher ears" read "ar-
rears" and there you are. We thought
at first that we would let you dig for
this; we had to. But it suddenly oc-
Cured to us that we are paid for this
sort of thing, while you are not.
ToRcHLIGHT professions will soon be
in order, and it will be the easiest thing
imaginable, when patriot goes home
late at night and his wife wonders For
mercy's sake, Charles, what does make
YOU smell So" for the patriot to explain,
aSkerosene dar(hic)ling; foresight p'ses-
sion, y'know; been breathing it in (hic)
all the evening. Boston Transcript.
HORRIBLY dry work, speechifying
this weather." said great orator last
week to humble but gushing admirer.
"Drv!" returned his satellite, wishing to
overflow with wit. at oughtn't to be
dry. for I've been drinking in every
word you've uttered" "Ah, indeed !"
replied the great one, "then suppose
YOU have been making draught of my
speech Punch.
w 4 udNO oAAO AAoA
yeIous Mammoth cave, viewed the Chi
cago water-works, listened to the thun-
der of Niagara and been awe struck by
the gigantic proportions of the Brook
Ign bridge, but really we do not think
any of these can be compared IN Impor-
lance and grandeur to West Point ca
Diet at home on brief vacation. That
is, not if he has his uniform on Rock
land Courier.
A FNE-LooKING roast spring chicken
put on the table at a summer hotel
in Minnesota darted from the plate in
the most uncomfortable way when
somebody tried to carve it, leaped
wildly about the dining-room until all
the women shrieked, while the men
swore, and finally disappeared through
an open window. It was the landlords
little joke. The "spring" was in the
chicken and ran a lot of clockwork.
New YORK alderman-"No use let
ting John go to the public library. All