Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-03-31

To the boy with a toy pistol-it's a
Girls, this is the year for you. When
you give young man slippers, give him
fits.
From the combinations of leap year and
cold winter, most every girl has chaps
on her hands.
Care will kill cat 1t is extremely
difficult, however, to hit one in the dark
with bottle.
II had rousing time this morning."
said the small boy, whose father hauled
him feet foremost out of bed atsiX O'Clock.
If the weather has been designed to kill
the English sparrow we forgive it. But
! it was folly to think it would accomplish
| the feat.
| Murat Halstead says it will be Sher-
man on one side and Payne on the other.
1t is comfort to think that pain will be
on the democratic side.
Leap-year parties are popular in some
| sections. At these gatherings the girls
yell ''mouse!" and the young men jump
on chairs and shrek.
"My son. said father to his young
son, 'alWays mix in bright society" And
| the son, taking his advice, began by 60
ing with red headed girls.
The dry-plate process is of great ad-
vantage to photographers, but it is death
to preachers salary when applied to
the contribution utensils.
''Ill teach you to tear your pants, said
an irate parent, swinging a strap, 'I1l
teach YOU" ''Don't hit me, pa; 1 know
how already. Just look at EN-"
81 don't feel like myself at all this
morning." said Dudley. ''I remarked
only few moments ago. replied young
Brown, ''that you were looking unusually
WE'LL
A little girl in Connecticut was taken
by her mother to dentist who removed
a tooth. That night at prayer she said {:
''Forgive US our debts as we forgive our
DENTISTS
A gentleman was giving boy some
peanuts the other day. The mother said,
''Now what are you going to say to the
man?" The little fellow looked up and
; replied, ''more'
The report from the treasury depart
ment that ''one-dollar notes are exhaust
t ed and the twos will last but a few days
longer sounds like an echo from an edi-
torial sanctum.
In summer a bee seldom lives more
n than torty-tive days. But if is good, in
dustriouS bee it can extract lots Of hon
!, eyed expressions from the pious granger
. inside of forty-fve days.
81 declare, Charleyis exclaimed Clara
''you take the words right out of my
mouth 80 mammal" piped in the littl,
pitcher, ''now 1 know what Clara ant
Charley were doing out in the hall whe1
she let him in.''
''Yes,' said the young clergyman, q
have always said to myself would mar
ry that girl if could, and now am go
ing to do it. But it is to another fellow
she is to be welded, l am sorry to say
The only consolation l can get out of tn
affair will be the fee.
lover, young and enthusiastic, VIII
sang and played for nearly two hours be
fore the house of his lady-love the othe
evening, was electrifed-that is, shocke,
after short pause by a cordial ssThan
you, gracefully pronounced by the s'oth
er fellow" who appeared at the drawing
room window
A frog fell into pail of milk in Cor
necticut town recently, and in the morr
ing was found sitting upon roll of fres
butter. local paper says that the sol
explanation is that, in trying to extricat
himself, he had, by diligent and contint
Gus strokes of his hind legs, churned th
milk into butter. IF George Washingto
was the editor of that paper, no such itel
would have appeared.
She leaned her head upon his shouldt
anu odiu, III nel Hoo1 iholnudtiHS tone
''Charley, dear I've heard so much abol
dudes | want you to bring me one
Charley smiled at her innocence, but r
solved to humor it. ''Would you pref,
a French dude?" he asked. II think not
she said, squirming coyly. ''How won
a German dude suit you?" Il don't thir
it would suit at all; / don't understal
German. "Well, what shall it be then
, 1t was her turn to smile as she said. wi
an arch look, "a Yankee dude1l do.'
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