davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-12-12
BROTHER GARDNER THINKS.
The Trihes of Life Annoy Us Far More
Than the Solid Troubles.

Just previous to the opening of the meet
ing Sir Isaac Walpole, who had his left
shoe off to cool bunion got his foot in the
way of Elder Toot's No. lis, and the re-
suit was a spirited little affair, in which
Sir Isaac had his nose roughly used and the
elder found three of his front teeth loosen
ed Blows had scarcely been exchanged,
however, before both old patriots extended
their hands with words of apology, and
while Sir Isaac fairly begged of the eldor
to step on his bunion all the rest of the
week, the elder was earnest in his hope that
Sir Isaac would loosen all the rest of his
molars.
(Which goes to prove" said Brother
Gardner as he referred to the matter when
the meeting had opened, dat de trifies of
life annoy us fur mo- dan de solid troubles.
A sore heel will gin statesman mo an
noyance dan a re-eleckshun. A bile on
de leg will delay kings journey. Tight
butes have plunged Europe into war. A
sour stomach has led to griev us quarrels
among famous men.
sLet mans house burn down, or an
epidemic sweep away his family, or re-
verses come to his bizness, an in most
cases he will show his sand. Let con APP
pear on his toe-a blister riZ up on his heel
"a tooth begin to ache-de cook strike
fur higher wages or de front doah-bell git
outer order, an nineteen men outer twenty
am all broke up an ready to assert dat dis
am cold world an life ain'tworf de libin.
''Let dis be a lesson to us to guard our
weak side. 1t amt dat we shall so hang
ourselves bekase we can't meet bank
note due tomorrow, but dat we doan
lower our dignity in de nayburhocd il we
happen to shut de gate on our own coat
tails. We want to congratulate man 1ur
risin' from poverty to affluence by his own
individual exertions, but we doan keer TO
be around when he misses burdock and
strikes his foot wild de hoe We reverence
gray hairs in our council chambers, an we
hate to suspect dat de owners of 'em give
way to tears of indignashun ober shirt
too high in de neck or a leak in de kitchen
water pipe.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-12-12

Mother wants to know if you won't
please to lend her your preserving Kettle
cause You know as bow we wants to pre-
serve ?" Eve would with pleasure, boy;
but the truth is, the last we loaned it to
your mother she preserved it so we'll that
we have never seen it since. well, you
needn't be so sassy about your old kettle.
Guess it was full of holes when we borried
it, and mother wouldn't troubled you
again, only we seed you bringing home a
new one.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-12-12
VOL. /.
MIRAGE.

Wen read that book, well sing that song,
But when Oh, when the days are long;
When thoughts are free and voices clear !:
Some happy time within the year
The days troop by with noiseless tread
The song unsong; the book unread.
Wen see that friend and make him feel
The weight of friendship, true as steel
Some flower of sympathy bestow-
But time sweeps ON with steady How,
Until with quick, reproachful tear,
We lay our flowers upon his bier
And still we walk the desert sands,
And still with trifies fill our hands.
While ever, just beyond our reach,
fairer purpose shows to each
The deeds we have not done, but wiled,
Remain to haunt us-unfulfilled.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-12-12

Steam was raised in fourteen batteries OF
boilers at the New Orleans Exposition
last week and $500 horse power of
engines was set going. The commissioners
OF thirty states are on the ground, and there
will be 20 delay of the opening on Deem
Der 16.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-12-12

Amid all the doubts and uncertainties of
this troublesome world, there is one thing
which we all admit is a settled thing, and
that is good cup of coffee
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-12-12

On Tuesday of last week Rev.A.P. Bolts
ford was installed as pastor of the Presby
terrain church at Wenonah, by the West
Jersey Presbytery. A parsonage Is to be
built by the Presbyterians, the work of
the foundation being already commenced.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-12-12

A love-lorn swain in Connecticut, who
was much given to bowling under his dull
cinea's window at night. 80 love, with
out thee I'm lonely was interrupted in
his howl the other evening, and chased
two miles by the old mans new dog, and
says he hasn't felt lonely since.
A Yankee in Italy, after severe tor
nado, which the people seemed to consider
great thing, declared that it was hardly
up to the average of daily breezes in Maine,
his native State, where the people dare not
raise children. except in sheltered locali-
ties, ON account of the strenuous character
of the zephyrs which play over the hills.
A servant having been told by her mis-
tress to ''be careful and not to break any
of the dishes she was wiping, for if she
did she'd catch it, was soon after heard
soliloquizing over the sugar bowl, thus:
IF was to drop this bowl and catched it,
l suppose | wouldn't catch it: but if was
to drop it and didn't catch it. | reckon I'd
catch it surel'
n NtllitSS.1Af a iAti u u ithA ~ " WV
Jersey court, was asked to explain the diff
ference between a box stall and common
stall. Strengthening himself up, he pointed
to the square enclosure in which the Judge
was seated and said, dat ares what |
calls a box stall deere whar dat ole boss is
a sittin'!'' 1t took great many raps of
the judges gavel to restore order in that
court.
Not long since an elderly lady entered
railway ear. and disturbed the passengers
a good deal with complaints about most
dreadful rheumatic that She was troubled
with \ gentleman present, who had him.
self been a severe sufferer with the same
complaint. said to her did You ever try
electricity, madam? ! tried it and in the
course of short time il cured me.
'.Electricity,' exclaimed the old lady:
Eyes. Eve tried it to my satisfaction. 1
,ras struck By lightning about year ago.
but it didn't do me a single mossel o good.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-12-12

The completion of the Washington monu-
ment is to be formally celebrated ON the
22d of next February, the anniversary of
Washington's birthday. An elaborate plan
for the celebration has been outlined. IL
is to ask Congress to appropriate $4,000
to extend the ceremonies over q period Of
ten days, SO as to include the inauguration.
Robert G. Winthrop, of Massachusetts,,
who delivered the Grafton at the laying OF
the cornerstone Of the monument, july 4,
1S4s, viii be the orator. A committee Of
Congress has the thing in charge, and
each State is to be asked 10 participate in
the festivities.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-12-12

In the Post-office Department there are
employed II GIL people, of whom SCOTT
are postmasters.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
POLITICAL NOTE AND GOSSIP.

TALK about Governor Robinson as a presiden-
tial possibility increases in Massachusetts. Is
this move to head off Butlerl
BRooKvILLE American; Gen. Ben Harrison
is our first choice. Our second is James G.
Blaine, and our third Robert T. Lincoln.
TIPToN Advocate: Since we have sized up
the Democratic Kokomo bosses we find the Bell
boom is only one part gold and ninety-Dine
parts wind
CARL SoHUBz will head delegation of some
forty representatives of the New York lndepend-
ent Republican Club who will attend the Chica-
go convention
COLUMBUS Democrat: If it does not become
necessary for the Republican convention to set
tie on Grant an indiana man will in all proba-
bilty carry off the place
CLAY county has now six active, working
Young Mems Republican clubs, and three more
in course of organization. The young men are
departing from the old ruts of Democracy, and
enrolling themselves with the party of progress
sion and advanced ideas.
ALBION New Era: Glenn Studebaker of South
Bend is mentioned in connection with the CUB
ernatorial nomination. He is a man that would
make splendid chief magistrate for the State
and no man that we know of would be supported
more unanimously by the party than he.
HENRY WAFTERsoN is a poet as well as tariff
reformer. A correspondent, who asks the Cour-
r-Journal how Field and Flower will do for a
ticket receives the following reply:
Fields that are fertile and Flowers that bloom
VIII make the old thing get up aud hum.
NORTH MANCHESTER journal: The Hon. w.
G. Sayre Republican nominee for joint repre-
sentative for Wabash and Kosciusko counties,
would be a fit candidate for Speaker of the next
House. in the event of his party having ma
jority in that body. His legislative experience
is perhaps equal to any member of the House,
and his ability to fill that position with honor is
unquestioned by all who know him.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

envious of McHughs notoriety. There
are seven paragraphs in the '"pro-
gl4mme,' all prepared with as
much attention to details as though the crown
ing of an emperor was to take place. The
prisoner is to be conducted to certain room
at 1915 A. NJ. by certain named officers. Once
there, he will be asked by jailer Brady if he
desires any refreshments before proceeding to
the scaffold, and, if so, some shall be given
by the jailer, and so on, ad nauseam. The
character of those refreshments, and what the
prisoner did and did not eat, will be published
all over the country this morning.
What this country needs is an impartial ad
ministration of law in lawful manner. No
favors should be shown, no concessions made.
Sentences once pronounced should be execut-
ed to the letter, without ostentation and with
out needless delay. The hanging of con-
denned murderers should not be made the
opportunity for cheap heroism or bravado.
Let the condemned be hanged in private, and
let the only thing made public be the factthat
the hanging was done in accordance with law,
the execution of the sentence being announced
by some simple signal understood by all. We
partial verdicts and prompt executions.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

How little they knew of the depth, strength
and intenseness of that feeling of resistance
to illegal acts of power which possessed the
whole American people. The temptation to
profit by the punishment of Boston was strong
est to our neighbors of Salem. Yet Salem was
precisely the place where this miserable prof
fer was spurned in tone of the most lofty
self-respect and the most indignant patriot
ism"
The remark Of Julian Hawthornes father,
that in youth men are apt to write more
wisely than they really know Or feel, is not
without its application by the people of Salem
to the author of the Century sketch of the
Salem of Hawthorne.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
BREAKFAST CHAT.

THE Saturday Review says that the peace could not
be kept for forty eight hours in many of the most
civilized parts of Europe if the police aud the army
were as weak as they are in the United States.
A VISITING day dress has petticoat of buttercup-
toned corded silk, with dark green peacock cash
mere it, with a cross-stitch brocade in the but
tercup color The only trimmings onglooped satin
! bows.
HENRY IRVING says that he has felt the death of
his friend George E. Ewing the sculptor deeply and
he has resolved that no other hands shall touch the
uncompleted medaions of Miss Terry and himself on
| which Mr.. Ewing working.
AN old Celtic rhyme put into modern English says:
| Thrice the age of dog is that of horse
| Thrice the age of horse is that Of man.
Thrice the age of man is that of DEER
| Thrice the age of deer is that of an eagle.
ABOVE the desk of the literary editor of leading
New York journal is pasted the following 'The Just
Rule of Criticism: The reputation of books is raised
rot by their freedom from defect but by the greatness
| of their beauties. The Vicar of Wakefield"
Mr. Cross the husband and biographer OF George
Eliot that it will be yet another year be-
| fore his book viii be ready for publication. In the
meantime the grave of his illustrous wife is weedy
and neglected, and unmarked by any designating
stone.
| BERLIN correspondent writes: "a singular light
is thrown on the moral condition of the Berlin popu.
laton from the fact that Wednesday of last week
no fewer than five trials came off in three different
law courts which necesstated the strict exclusion of
| the public"
THE Washington correspondent of the st. Paul
| Globe Kelley, Phelps, Mckinley, Reed Morri-
son. Randall and Frank Hurd as members of Congress
who are always listened to when they talk, and Mills,
Tucker. Cakins and Kasson those who occasion
ally able to hold the attention of the House.
SIGNoR SELLA, the late Italian statesman would
never receive gift from the King. He once de-
clined snuff box sent him by the Emperor of Aus,
tria and valued at Sc 900. He even refused horse
that Victor Emmanuel offered him saying laugh
ngly that he had already and that if he accepted
this one he would have to sell his horse to buy
food for the other.
my first introduction said Mr.. Matthew Arnold
to friend while in this country, ito the poetry of
William Cullen Bryant was in this way. One day.
was boy then-Hartley Coerdge rushed into my
room with an open book and pointing to poem sat
down and read it to When he had finished, he
marked That is the finest poem in modern English
1t was Mr.. Bryant's Ode to Waterfowl"
THE following story is told of Alexander Russell.
of the Scotsman newspaper ''The Liberal
party in Scotland, who were under great
obligations to him for his advocacy as
journalist, had subscribed very handsomely TO
present him with a testimonial in hard cash. He
was not rich man, but he had doubts to whether
he should accept gift which might destroy weak
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
Tickets to the Chicago Convention.

In an editorial containing much valuable in
formation concerning the Republican national
convention, the indianapolis journal kindly in
forms the weekly newspapers that no provisions
will be made for their accommodation; but to the
daily press it extends the welcome assurance
that choice seats will be reserved for its accom-
modation, and urges that prompt application be
made for the number of seats required for the
reportorial force of each daily. What nice ar
will probably buy its report of the proceedings
in stereotyped plates at about ten cents an inch,
can demand anywhere from five to twenty seats
and run in as many reporters for livery stables,
corner groceries and banks it pleases, while
the editor of a country weekly newspaper is left
to crack his heels the sidewalk. Will the
Journal kindly favor with another editorial
on the power of the country press.-New Castle
Courier
Our friend of the Courier is mistaken in his
Interpretation of what the journal meant TO say
about seats for the press in the Chicago conven-
tion. If every weekly newspaper in this country
had even one reserved seat, there would be no
room for delegates or any one else, as the Cour-
Ter very well knows The seats reserved for the
Associated Press and kindred asso-
Citations are intended only for the
working force Of such associations and
newspapers as will give daily telegraphc re
ports, and the accommodations afforded will be
gauged according to the character of reports
they send. For instance, if their requests are
granted, the New York Tribune will have three
seats, the New York Times four, the
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
HAWTHORNE's SALEM.

The reflections cast upon Salem, past and
present by Julian Hawthorne, are promptly
warded off by the good burghers of that an
cient seaport. If the 'human life of Salem
was about as colorless as it could be-" its peo
pie may console themselves with the memory
of the honorable conduct of their ancestors
during the Revolution. When the British
Parliament closed the port Of Boston, in June
of 1774, Salem had a rare opportunity to take
possession of Boston's trade. But they did
not improve it. Nothing" says Webster, in
his Bunker Hill monument speech, ''sheds
more honor on our early history, and better
shows how little the feelings and the senti-
ments Of the colonies were known or regarded
in England, than the impression which these
measures everywhere produced in America.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03


The Chicago Tribune is pleased to remark that
''the Edmunds presidential glacier--for so cold a
man as the Vermont senator could not be said to
have a boom--slid forward a few feet further
yesterday" The comparison is better than its
author knew in some ways. A glacier is ire
sistible, for one thing. Nothing stay it. 1t
prietors of several friable presidential boomS
have already discovered If cold, the glacier is
pure A river of ice is more admirable than
river of mud There is something majestic, and
even inspiring, about the slow moving but rest
less mass of crystal. We recommend those who
in its path to beware of the ''Edmunds presi-
Dental glacier -
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
An Absurdity of the Times.



We are most of us too indifferent to our rights
as citizens, and are content to sit supine and
leave it all to the bosses, the politicians and the
liquor dealers: but it is monstrous absurdity
that a woman householder and tax payer has no
voice in the government and that the man who
passes coal into the cellar or empties the ash
barrel has a say in the education Of the children
while the mother has not.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
The Pauper Problem.

Philadelphia Dispatch.
The Michigan fashion of burning up paupers
by poor-house fire presents a summary method
of disposing of them; but. on the whole. it does
not seem to be ono that is best to initiate. If
there was any hope that our poor-board would go
with the paupers, the advantage of such policy
might appear in stronger hight to the people of
PittSburg.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

Boston AdVertlser.
Mr.. Blaine; but he strives TO lift Mr.. Blaine;
to the level of Mr.. Edmunds and of the late
Senator Grimes He acts like an advocate whC
defends his client by likening him to some mar
whose name is synonym for the virtue called
in question
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
soap-Babbie B0onls.
Milwaukee Sentinel.

milwaukee Sentinel.
There is new parlor game of soap-bubbles
A number of persons blow bubbles and the
bubble that holds together longest gets prize.
The politicians have game very like il. They
blow little presidential booms which are almost
as evanescent as the oapbubbles. and each
hopes his little boom will not burst first.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

MEMBERs of the Cabinet and other officials
who may be supposed to be friendly to Mr.. Ar
thur, step outside of their Offices now at their
peril If one of them is seen speaking to a sus-
pieiously prominent person from anywhere he
is accused of setting up things for Mr. Arthur in
that persons district, or in some way conniving
against another candidate. Not one of them is
allowed by watchful reporters and correspond
ents to get away from Washington on any other
than deep and more or less diabolical political
schemes. Secretary FOlger, who went down to
New York on a little private business, has felt
compelled to deny that he went to call a mass
meeting for Arthur, or to otherwise help his
boom A little reflection should have convinced
Mr.. Folger that denial was superfluous, as the
report must have died of it's own absurdity. A
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
What They Are Good For.

Atlanta Constitution.
The Democrats in Congress appear to;beElabor
ing under the impression that they We're sent 10
Washington to furnish the Republicans with
campaign material. In this business they are
yery active
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

THE press must be credited with having
worked reform in one direction, at least. The
old-time rm-going straight to-heaven plea of con-
demned murderers has been ridiculed to that de-
gree that at least one realized that common sense
people took no stock in such nonsense. The one
hanged at Cincinnati, yesterday, said to a re-
porter: 81 don't want to be made out an angel
either as is generally the case. 1 don't know
where L am going when die but 1 hope to go to
heaven. have trulyrepented, know, andhaye
made my peace with God
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

EDWARD T. MITCHELL of New York, has got
the labor question down fine. He hired as a por-
ter to a firm of butter dealers, and struck when
asked to ''chuck down butter" He demonstrated
against the abasement to which such menal
work brought him, and finally threw up the po-
sition and brought suit for salary. Mitchell is
valuable man when it comes to microscopical
distinctions
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

ONE woman lives, in New York, who refuses
to talk even at the command of a court, and she
knows a secret, too which all the lawyers are
trying to find out. Now that they can't find it
out they say it isn't much of a secret anyway,
and is immaterial to the case, but the fact re-
mains that the woman has the better of them.
Her name is Miss Rebeeca Jones, which has
always been her name and always shall be, y
she remarked upon the witness stand, with some
acerbity. Miss Jones is suspected of knowing
something relative to the Hamersley WILL
which is being contested by disappointed
heirs, but whatever it is she declines to tell She
appeared in court with a book under her arm en-
titled "a Christian Secret, or Happy Life, and
though she would doubtless have read chapter
from that volume, it was not the secret the
lawyers were after, and she refused to be sworn
to relate any other. II won't tell" ~ decline to
answer" were all the replies Miss Jones deigned
to make to the examiners, and when threatened
with imprisonment she retorted with decision
'You may lock me up till the resurrection day.
and it would do no good; never will tell The
court decided not to lock her up for the present
but TO leave her to the private cajolements of
the lawyers; but indications are that they have
a hopeless task.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
He Can BE Found.


LhICagO IIHIt5.
the presidency. Nor is he hiding from it to any
great extent. If the presidency is seeking Blaine.
It won't have any trouble in finding him.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

chicago News.
The local staff of the ST. Louis Post Dispatch
has been presenting the city editor with beau
tiful painting entitled Surprised at the Bath :
How very appropriate Who more than a St
Louis editor would be likely to be surprised at
such thing as a bathl
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

Richmond Palladium.

William Walter Phelps, the New Jersey con
gressman who is engineering one corner of the
Blaine boom, attempted to throw discredit upon
the official integrity of Senator Edlnunds, In thf
little pen and ink bout that ensued Phelps got
the Wn1st of it
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
The strabismus Candidate,

Philadelphia Chronicle Telegraph
Ben Butler ''rve my eye on you" Green
back presidency: "MeF Democratic lresiden-
cy; "Me"
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

THERE is juror in Philadelphia murder
case who weeps copiously at every affecting part
of the testimony, his face at such times being de-
scribed as picture of agony. 1t hardly requires
Solomon to predict that the prisoner in that
case will not hang whatever the jury may do.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03

A TELEGRAM received here to-day by Thomp
Burton from Buffalo Bill states that he has Sc
cured the permission of General Sheridan to ex-
hlbit the famous Indian Chief Sitting Bull in his
Wild West show this season. Sitting Bull is the
fellow that achieved his notoriety from slaught-
ering General Custer and his soldiers in the
lava beds
We find this in the Denver News. There are
parts of two stories badly mixed If Gen Gus
ter was slaughtered in the lava beds. by Sitting
Bull, the News has the monopoly of that in
formation. Gen. Candy was treaeherously
slaughtered in the lava beds. Gen. Custer was
killed by Rain-in- -the-face in an open engage
ment.
The Indianapolis journal., 1884-05-03
The Man We Have Always with Us.

Milwaukee Sentinel,
A Chicago compostor set it up standing col
lar when it should have been standard dollar"
After working on the Tribune's peculiar spelling
almost anything may be expected of an intelll-
gent compositOr.