davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
I'd Edition.
Latest HGlegranS to The Stal.


Scenes i'm Chicago NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Already On the Ground.
CHICAGO, July 3-Noon.-The California and
Nevada delegations to the democratic national
convention arrived this a m. with full numbers
being the first Of the arrivals. portion OF the
New York delegation also arrived, among whom
may be named Daniel Manning, chairman Of the
delegation.
The California delegation held caucus during
the forenoon 10 outline their future plan OF action.
but came TO no final decision. The hotel Hobbies
are beginning TO be the scenes OF great activity,
and the placarding OF state headquarters has
already been commenced.
The Railways and Hobbies OF all the leading hotels
were literally decorated this morning with utho-
graphic views OF Roswell P. Flower.
The Latest Foreign News by Cable.
TIE BENNETT-AACKAY CABLE.
LONDON, July 3.-The Faraday has laid the wires
OF the eastern shore end OF the Bennett ackay
cable. She will now lay the remainder Of the deep
sea portion.
Frixhtful Outrage and Murder.
WILMINGTON, DEL, July "a special to the
Ere7'D Erenfno reports the outrage and murder OF
Hannah Peterson, colored, girl OF twelve or
thirteen wears, by Daniel Tucker, colored, at Earl
vile, small village in the lower part OF Cecil
county, Nd, yesterday. small cOlored boy saw
Miss Peterson run out OF her house, pursued by
proved fatal in two hours Tucker was arrested
and brought to Elkton this morning, where he was
lodged in jail. A cOronerS Inquest was held and q
verdict rendered eliminating Tucker.
The Plumbers' Lockout Ended.
ended this a. ~, and most OF the men returned TO
work.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

Name. O. i3p.mi Name.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

Tuesday night Benz. F. Bfgelow, late cashier OF
the National Bank OF the Republic, who is In jail
under sentence for embeZzlement. was taken sud-
denly Ill Yesterday he was able TO be about.
Isadore Saks 3l5 9TH street, reported the police
that q satchel containing Sl2 In money was stolen
from his buggy On the LIST inst.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
FINANCIAL AND COMMERCIAL.

The New York Stock Market.
Thefollowing are the opening and p. IN prices
Of the New York Stock Market to-day, as reported
BY special wire TO II. H. Dodge, 539 18TH street:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
T COX AT LOW FARES.

7 COX AT LOW FARES.
FORTRESS MONROE AND NORFOLK.
steamer JANE MosEf e leaves Washington to7 Nor
BAY at m making close connection with -tealn-
err for New lorh Ocean View Virginia Beach and al
-TiofoMsC RIVER .LANDINss-F.re sc. Steamer
}. ". thompson leaves MONDAY. WEDNESDAY
For information apply by telephone otherwise.
s;h stree cars; 1, c. ALFRED WOOD, Sec
nAILY LINE 10 NORFOLK. FORTRESS MOS
Steamers oE 9Sd sEa Lh fa1 SG aud EXCELSIOR
.,r , o. these POPULAR steamers iesves Sevelth
sATgkDAis at stopI ing at ripey Point daily gin:
Thursday aud Saturday "trip only
SATURDAY NIGHT sTEAMEG RETURNS MONDAY
steamers Connect also With wv York and Rich;
and RssnoRs Ocean View w" and * Wilma a Besa
rassay. and rooms can secured at Baltimore an
yss.ia avenue St Marc hotel foEinhorn's. next %
iennsylI snia avenue. and at companyis oflce, 9Th
Knoxs express will call for and check baggage from
h4t .5 and u. rr wat ,. ESsidenees
iel1 WILLIAM Z. WEIGH. General Agent
STEAMER ARROWsMITH
Ieaves Seventh street wharf a. { a. N. Mondays and
hufs'iai au 45O r. H. saturdays. curing July ana
iI.t POTOMAC RIVER 1ANpIN1a
fcrre tnH"tl Baltimore and Ohio i +. atSheyherf's
!l' ST heAandJfa with 1:.0a Ferry Boat fron Nash
.Igtor- On Mondays Tor Nonm and ir:errne-
distc land ireS. returning Tuesdays. On Thursdays
tCl Currons. Nomini ST Clements Bay. wharves and
MfeEnec;ate landings. RETURNING Fridays. On Satur
e4S, tsI Aoia.t CulElo.:la ALI intermediate landings
IttuInlu. ouL1AyA
ID. PApGETT, AIT.
CIV. RIDLEY. Man.
e22 Seventi.-st-eet wharf. ~ asIlIgtol ID. G.
DOTOMAC TRANSPORTATION LINE
Il
] he Steamer SUE Capt W. G. Geoglexa-, win resume
her t.Is To- baltimore and River landings. SUNDAY.
MaicL 81 Ic"vTg StcpiensoI's wi ari at leav
IL Baltimore tor Washington every FRIDAY at PIN
Freight received until pm Saturdays oNLE
al .,iser II lgiit must lie prepaid.
Iss%eIlser COMMUNICATION unetlualed
ATpyo SlLPALNoON Il BRO. Agents
mh3-6m 7th street wharf.
MT VERNON! MT. VERMONT!
STEAMER; ". ". CORTORAN
Leaves eth str ct wharf daily Except Sunday for Mt
vernon at 10 o'ci * returning, reaches Washing
tCn about $3.50 Pm
ojU J. L. blake Captain.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

THNHOMAS BOWLING, Auctioneer.
ExECuTRIX' SALE OF ARABIAN COLTS. HORSES,
BKkWSTER COUPE BUGGY, HARNESS, ROBES
AND STABLE REQUISITES. 90, &c
BY order of the Orphans Court Of the District Of
umbla the entire stable effects belonging to the late
General 0. E. Babcock will be sold at PO BLIC AUG
TON. ON WEDNESDAY, JULY NINTH. 1884. at
ELkVEN O'CLOCK. at stables corner 9TH and g
streets orthwest embracing:
2 Arabian and Hamb. etonian Colts l and years Id,
sired by the celebrated Arabian stallion belonging
Gen1 Grant.
Bay Mare Nancy.
Dun Horse, flst-class Horse under the saddle
Donkey and Donkey Cart and Harness.
Coupe tmade by Brewster).
Top Buggy (made by McDermot).
Coupe, h ness, Double and Single Harness.
81 ring Wagon, Sleigh, Child's Carriage, Robes and
Stable requisites, &c. &c
3y'Idts THOMAS BOWLING, Auct.
John SHERMAN & Co,
- Real Estate Agents and Auctioneers
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
AUCTION SALES.

TNHOMAs BOWLING, Auctioneer.
PARLOR SUITES, MANTEL AND PIER MIRRORS
ENGRAvINGS AND PAINTINGS, HANDSOME
WALNUT CHAMBER FUhNITURE. FURNITURE
IN SEPARATE PIECES FINE BRUSSELS CAR
PETS, HANDSOME WALNUT BOOK CASES
GENERAL AsSOkIMEN OF HOUSEHOLD
EFFECTS
Also.
ONE CRATE OF ENGLISH STONE CHINA
AT TWELVE O'CLOCK
HORSES, CARRIAGES. BUGGIES. WAGONS &c. &c.
On SATURDAY, JULY FIFTH, 1884 at Ten
O'CLOCK within and in front Of nIy auction rooms
shall sell general collection of Household Effects Car
1t THOMAS BOWLING, Auctioneer.
VNHOMAS BOWLING. Auctioneer
THOROUGHLY TRAINED KENTUCKY SADDLE
HORSE tFOUR GAIrS) SIXTEEN HANDS,
CONSIDERED PERFECT HORSE, GOOD IN
HARNESS, LADY CAN HANDLE HI =. AT
AUCTION.
O'CLOCK i'll front of my auction rooms, shall sell the
FGNHOMAS BOWLING. Auctioneer.
VILLAGE CART: PONY AND HARNESS: ALSO ONE
FINE BRETT BUILT BY WOOD h BROS. NEW
YORK, At AUG ION.
On SATURDAY, JULY FIFTH, 1884 at TWELVE
O'CLOCK, in front Of nv auction rooms, shall sell
without reserve the Stove. belonging to gentleman
leaving the city 1t
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
V,HOMAs BOWLING, Auctioneer.

TTNHOMAS BOWLING, Auctioneer
PAIR OF BLACK G tRRIAGE HORSES
AT AUCTION.
ALSO.
ONE FINE LARGE COUPE HORSE
On SATURDAY, JULY FIFTH 1884 1T TWELVE
O'CLOCK in front of my auction rooms, shall sell
pair of substantial Carriage IIorses
Jy2-2t THOMAS BOWLING Auct.
VENhOS. E. WAGGAMAN. Real Estate Auctioneer
BEAUTIFUL BUILDING LOT ON THE SOUTH.
EAST CORNER OF l4TH AND w STREETS
NORTHWEST
On SATURDAY. JULY FIFTH AT FIVE O'CLOCK
M shall offer for SALE front Of the premises the
abovedescrbed property he Lot is II feet front BY
II feet eep. Terms day Of sale
jy2-d&ds THOS. E. WAGGAMAN, Auct
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

ASSISTANT Adjutant General McKeever has gone
to Oakland, Nd, to remain until Monday. During
his absence General Ruggles viii act as adJutant
general.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
nlh13- th.s.t'
= RrrEs FoR EUROPE

PARTIES FoR EUROPE
Should take BRUNSWICK BIRTH. in use exclusively
Gil til lNlIAN STEAMSHIP LINE.
bertls keen perfectly level under all conditions
of weather afOrCng perfect rest comfort night,
travel
1NMAN s. s. co GimitefD
GEO. W. MOSS. Agent.
ap2sm&th3m 225 Pennsylvania " ashington. D. c.
NORTH GERMAN LLOYD
~ STEAMSHIP LINE BETWEEN NEW YORK. HAvNv
LONDON SoCTHAMPToN AND BREMEN:
YEsDXI AND SATURDAY from bremen pier e foot Ok
Hsvre. London. Southampton and Bremen first cabin,
$40 To Siu second cabin. $50: steerage. at st
,aes Dor treshs or psssaSs apply to nELkIGHS
CO, S25 Pennsylvania avenue northwest: CHAS.
WAL1Ek AZ II street. Agents Tor ssiIlnxtou. j2l2
CuSAhD LINE
NOTICE
dHI CTNARD STLAHSm b .0MPANY, LIMITED
1E GtaI FIEE a. a. s So r. Nm HAkB a1kk
Botinla. " ed. July 16 Aurania " We'd. Aug 10.
Strvia..... We'd. July q Bo;hnia . " ed. Aug 80
an v1n TX Xxi 80 b Servo RON Wv Nfw Avg Y;Ek
Rates Of Passase-s6o $50 and 500. according to
con mediation.
seeraee lowrates steerase tickets from Idv.
lowest rates
through bills Of laden siven for Belfast GLASGOW,
Eayre Antwerp and other ports the Continent and
:Il Mediterranean ports
is.shi and Psssse sPPiy at the conpapys Scs
ILKNON IL BEoWN 4 CO. New Yors:
Orto Messrs. OTIS BIGELOM l. Co
!an!2 COS 9Th street Washington.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

MT. VERNON. MT VERNON!
STEAMER W ". CORTORAN
Leaves str. ct wharf daily Except Sunday for Mt
vernon at 10 oci * returning, reaches Washing
toll about 800 Pm.
o50 J.. l.. blake. Captain.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
WEEKS Il CO., Auc:ion"ers.

IAs1AO = OSs,
ON ACCOUNT OF NAMING A CHANGE IN BusI-
NESS, WE WILL SELL. ON MONDAY MORNING,
JULY SEVENTH. AT Ten AN. AND AT sEvLN
PH AND TO CONTINUE DAILY UNTIL ALI IS
GRADWOHL. NO 33l PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE
SUUTHhAST, AND COMPRIsING A LARGE
AND ASSORTED STOCK OF DRY GOODS.
IA CY GOODS CLOTHS AND CASsIMERkS
LADIES AND GENTS FURNISHINGS. HOSIERY.
&c &c ty3.3t
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

The Plumbers. Lockout Ended.
Telegraphic Briefs.

NEW YORK, July a.-The plumbers lockout
ended this a. ~, and most OF the men returned To
work.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

$4,000 REDUCTIoS.-The Indian appropriation
bill as IL passed the Senate required contractors
supply beef 10 Indian agencies at monthly inter-
walls When the bids for supplying beef were opened
In New ork a few weeks 20 IL WAS found that he
cost would be s}J0,UOO more than last year. The
Senate was notified that the monthly delivery II
beef was lnpracticable, as northern agencies were
often inaccessible Tor months duriRg the winter.
The Senate Withdrew the amendment. re-adyer-
Usement was had and the new bids were opened
yesterday. The result Is that the total cost II tho
beef supply Will be $4,000 less than tie cost of the
be ST
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

DIED WHILE SHAKING A CARrEr.-While shaking
carpet at the corner OF 22d street and Virginia
avenue about noon to-day, James Green, colored
was attacked with a hemorrhage and dropped dead.
He was removed to his home, g23 10Th street north
west.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

MI. OINIuc dGttuUtQ tle OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES UIHHtT Ut
Colby University, Maine, yesterday, and was
warmly received by the professors and students
and made q neat address, He returned TO Augusta
last evening.
Gen. Francis Edward Todleben, the famous Rus
stan engineer, Is dead
Walter Terrfu, tho Baltimore youth who at
tempted suicide by shooting night before last, f.
said TO be another victim TO excessive cigarette
smoking.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

MARRIAGE LICENsEs.-Mariage licenses have
been issued by the clerk OF the court 10 r. Adolf
Maltern ana Johanna Oppermann; James Dickson
and sarah Carter: Isaac Johnson. OF Mes moreland
county, Va. and JANE Warren OF II. MaTys county,
Nd Edward Turner and Matte Carpenter John
w Stone and Annie j. TrIIsluw, beth OF stafford
county, Va; W. +. Henry and NJ. Alice Crawford
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
Political Campaign Notes.

The democrats OF Illinois in convention yester
day elected as delegates-at-large W. X. Morrison
John NJ. Palmer, j. c. Black and Lambert Tree
The chairman, in calling the convention TO order
referred to T1lden as the second jefferson and ex
Governor Palmer favored the nomination OF TIL
den. The sentiment OF the delegates was strongly
for 11lden, with Cleveland as second choice. TIT
platform endorses the course OF VIM. X. Morrison
Mayor Harrison OF Chicago, was unanimously
nominated for governor.
An ant1-Cleveland mass meeting IN Buffalo las,
evening was attended by about 300 members o.
the different labor organizations or the city
ClevelandS action on the 5 cent and mechanics
lien bill was condemned
The southern democrats, il is said, Will presen,
the name OF ex-Gov. Hubbard, OF Texas for ethel
temporary or permanent chairman OF the Chicago
convention.
Col Wharton J. Green. Representative IN Con-
gresS from the third North Carolina district, was
Yesterday renOmlnated by exclamation.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
WALTER B. WILLIAMS CO.. Auctioneers

WALTER B. WILLIAMS l. CO. Auctioneers.
VALUABLE BUILDING LOT FRONTING ON NORTH
CAROLINA AVENUE, BETWEEN FIRST AND
SECOND STREE = SOUTHEAST.
On MONDAY. JULY SEVENTH. ut SIXAaH
O'CLOCK NJ, shall SELL in fro mt Of the renl-SfA
ses the westernmost sixteen feet Of lot no. L. in-
square No ia.
Terms Ne third cash. balance in six, twelve and
eighteen months tor bearing Interest from day Of
sale and secured by deed of trust property sold
$50 down day Of sale. All cenveyancing purchs-
sers cost.
jy3-3t WALTER B. WILLIAMS l. CO., Aucts
FNO CHANGE BUSINESS, / SHALL OFFER ON
Il MONDAY, JULY SEVEN, at TEN O'CLOCK A. NJ,
at public sIct the whole stock of Ladies' Gentle
mems Furnishing Goods at so IN street until disposed
UnderN ear. Corsets, Parasols and Umbrellas; En-
brfieries, Lzces, Kid Gloves silk Mitts Fans White
Shirts, Hosiery, Towels and Napkins Zephyr Worsted
and Germantown
This is chance. goods are first class Every
lot will be sold to the highest bidder.
jy3-3t $. SAMSTAG Auctioner.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
Two Divorce. GRAINED.

THE CITY Posi- OFFICE AND TIE ForRrH-Ths
several divisions OF the City Post ONCE and branch
stations Will be kept open Tor the transaction q
business Tor the public tomorrow unril noon. A
delivery by carriers viii he made AT = a. m with
the usual colleci for that hour. The collections
Tor the afternoon VIII be the same as usually made
on sundays. The carriers window will be omen
from TO z p IL. The general delivery window VIII
not be closed
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
The Latest Foreign News by Gable.

LONDON, July 3.-The Faraday has laid the wires
OF the eastern shore end OF the Bennett Mackay
cable. She viii now lay the remainder OF the deep
sea portion.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03
MEDICAL. &C

- FAD AND BE WISE-DR BROTHERS. COG ST.
southwest appeared before and made oath that
he Il the Oldest Established Expert Specialist iii this
ctyand will guarantee cure i'll all cases of venerea dis
and furnish Medicine charye; the poor
uisLed Medicine free Consultation and advice free at
any hour during the day Subscribed and sworn to be-
te-1-luI' SAMUEL II. WALKER. Notary Public
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-07-03

LEWIS IN CANADA.-Information received here
concerning George ii. Lewis, late Oil broker and
promoter OF business enterprises in this city. is
the effect that he Is now i'm Canada, and that
persons in New York having business with him,
have had interviews with him In Canada He is
reported as being DESTROYS of returning to Wash
tngton and re-entering business. Gentlemen
acquainted with his affairs say that he did not
have $50 when he left this city, as he had lost all
the money in his possession, not in Oil, but in stock
SpeculatiOnS
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

Horse race, boat race, bicycle race
and racing around to find q man to
indorse your note.
Into how many classes is mankind
divided ?
Sevcn-being enlightened, civilized,
half civilized, savage, too utter, not
worth cent, and Indian agent.
What nations are called enlighten-
ed?
Those which have the most wars
and the worst laws, and produce the
worst criminals.
How many motions has the earth ?
That's according to how you mix
your drinks and which way you &c
home.
What is the earth's axis?
The lines passing between New
York and San Francisco.
What causes day and nighty
Day is caused by night getting tir'
ed out. Night is caused by every
body taking the street-cars and going
home to supper.
What is a map?
A map is drawing to show the
jury where Smith stood when Jone,
gave him a lift under the eye.
What is a mariners compass?
A jug holding four gallons.-SaI
Francisco Newsletter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26
A New Geography.

Of what is the surface Of the earth
composed?
Of corner lots, mighty poor roads,
railroad tracks, baseball grounds,
cricket fields, and skating-rinks.
What portion Of the globe is water !
About three-fourths. Sometimes
they add little gin and nutmeg to it
What is a town?
A town is considerable collection
Of houses and inhabitants, with foul
or five men who run the party
and lend money at 10 per cent. inter
est.
What is a city,
a city is an Incorporated town
with mayor, who believes the worlt
shakes when he happens to fall Aat
on a cross-walk.
What is commerce
Borrowing s5 for a day or two, an'
dodging the lender for a year or two
Name the different races.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26
Made a Mistake.

"Watch that trunk" said the driver
of stage coach to a negro passenger,
"and if it falls off tell me"
"All right, sah."
The coach had gone quite distance
when the driver, looking back, said:
"Is the trunk all rightr'
"Doan know, sab. 1t fell off,"
"What ?"
"Fell off bout three miles back
yander."
"Why in thunder didn't you tell
me ?"
Didn't low dat yer was in hur-
ry."
II told you to tell ne if it fell |"
"Wall, amt I dun tole yeri Yer
didn't say to tell yer when it fell.
Glare ter goodness de common white
folks is er gettin' SO cuis dat er telli-
gent pusson kahn hardly un'erstan'
'em. I'll get off eff yer say so," pro-
ceeding to climb down. "Hab er fine
time er findin' dat trunk. er haw, haw.
Forgets der time dat yer fused ter
len me er quarter. Now yer's got
dat trunk ter pay fur, haw, haw.
Say, gennerman," addressing a pas
senger, "wush yer'd han down my
baggage. Dat amt de one. De ud-
der one is it. No, tain't, / don't be-
lebe. Fore de Lawd, dat wuz my
trunk whut fell off! Did anybody
eber see sich caper? Er homes man
amt got no show. Dribe on yer
miserable 'trapshun, an let dis miser'
able man die in the shade. ."-Arkan-
saw Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26
Funeral Stories.

Some people attend every funeral
they hear of, simply because they
have mania for doing so, and many
go to enjoy the drive to and from the
grave. knew one old lady of the
latter class who would go to every
funeral in her neighborhood and
would weep over the corpse so pro-
fusely and descant upon the deceased S
virtues so eloquently that the unaes-
taker would infallible feel it his
bounden duty to ask her name and
have it put down in one of the best
places on the carriage list. You
know Sidney Smith says: "For the
healthiest mirth and jollity in the
world commend me to the last car
riage at funeral"
Speaking of humor in connection
with funerals, | remember burying
the wife of a prominent iron manu-.
facturer who never lost any opportun-
ity to advertise his business. He pur-
chased a lot in cemetery which /
need not name, and surrounded it
with very ornamental fence of his
own manufacture. After l had laid
his good lady to rest within it he erect
ed to her memory handsome tomb
stone, on which were carved these
words: "Here lies Mrs. Annie B.,
wife Of Robert B, proprietor of
the - Iron Works, where the ele-
CANT fence around this lot was manu-
factured. Similar ones made to or
r,"-Philadelpbi Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26
Quite O Difference.

Mabel--Is the Quaker marriage
ceremony the same as ours, pa?
Pa-No, my child, it is very differ
ent.
Mabel-In what way?
Pa-Well, in the wording, for in
stance.
Mabel--Of course; but the general
terms arc the same, are they notl
Pa-No. The difference there il
still greater. A Quaker bride docs
not promise to obey, but she does
worldly bride does promise to obey
but she don't.-Philadelphia Call.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

at is not every one who can
dawnce. 1t wequires bwains, I as.
sure you" II don't agree with you
Mr.. DeSilva," replied Miss Badger
II saw dog lead the German the
other day." "That was vewy strange
Where was itp "On Fourteenth
street." The German was blind
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

"Is salt necessary ?" queries an
agricultural writer. Well it is NO
use to ask the hired girl this question.
Sometimes she thinks it is and some.
times she thinks it isn't. Anyway
she always differs from the views OF
those who have to eat the victuals.-
-Richland Courier Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

Indignant tourist to the hotel man
ager who has just presented his bill
"See here. You have charged me
fifty centimes for writing paper, and
you know very well that you have
not furnished me a scrap. "But
Monsieur, it is for the paper on which
your bill is made out."-French Pa
ner
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

George.-"Yes; take up my vio
lin for my own amusement, occasion
ally, but never play before company
Tom.-"Thank you, my dear fellow
thank You."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

A doubtful state--wondering wheth-
er she will accept or not.-Boston
Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

Bob Burdett, the humorist, always
wakes his mustache before he begins
to lecture. The Morning Journal
says "he does this to enable his au-
dience to see the points" We thought
perhaps it was because he didn't want
people to call out: "Down in front.
-Yonkers Statesman.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

"Here, waiter, take away these
fried oysters. They are bad" 81
know it, sir, but we have given you
two more oysters than you called for,
to make up for it."-Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

1t is hopeless for a short man to
ever expect to be tall man, but a
tall man can easily become a short
man. This fact is SO obvious that il
is scarcely worth mentioning.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

Goat is favorite dish in San
Francisco, says a correspondent, but
we see nothing unusual in that, as
nearly everybody eats butter.-Mer-
chant Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

"He laughs best who laughs last"
Therefore the man who catches on to
a joke after everybody else has got
through laughing over it is the best
man.-Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

A southern editor asserts that an
gels are blondes. 1t is suspected that
he married a brunette.-San Fran.
cisco News. Letter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

A business view: Aunty.-"Do
you say your prayers in the morning
too, johnny" Johnny, scornfully.
-"Of course I don't; anybody can
take care Of himself in the daytime.
Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

Amateur tragedian.-"Yes, sir, I
claim that the mantle of Forrest has
fallen on me-" Unsympatbizing
stranger.-"Indeed. How you must
suffer-" Suffer p "Yes, it fell from
such height, you know."-Trinity
Tablet.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-11-26

Lankson, who looks older than he
is.-"By the way, there is about a
years difference in our ages, isn't
theref Plumpton, who looks younger
than he is.-"A yearl Why, when
was little boy and you used to pass
our house ] remember my father say
ing: There goes old Lankson."--
Life.