The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-11-27

How the Humorist Rode Across the
Prairie To Meet the Ex-vIce President.

How the Humorist Rode Across the
Prairie to Meet the Ex-vIcs President
In the earlier DAYS, when drew my
lecture from its scabbard and swept
like O bosom of holocaust across the
land, lectured one night in Macomb,
Ill. As 1 passed through Bushell l
was told that must drive up from Ma
comb that night after the lecture, be
cause Schuyler Colfax would pass
through Bushnell the following morn
ing ut 5 o'clock; he would have an hour
or two to vait for q connecting train
the leading citizens had arranged a lit
tie surprise breakfast party for him
there would be much to say, something
to eat and nothing to drink, and l had
been appointed one of the speakers.
There were no trains, but the distance
was only twelve miles and L could
drive.
Drive? / would walk. In those
younger days to meet great man were
greater than to be Roman, and to
make speech at great mans recep-
tioh-remember, brethren, was young
then. l was not a snarling, toothless
old cynic, with ashes of dsappOint-
ment on my head and tho cinder Of en-
vious distrust in my eye. So L went
willingly, joyously, proudly.
/ believe, to meet the same man,
would do it again.
/ left Macomb at midnight. The
roads were not of the good, goody they
were of the bad, badly; they were prairie
roads. 1t had been raining 6n them
twenty-five years, off and on-princi-
pally on. The night was darker than
theological controversy. TWAS rain
ing like house afire. Ii seemed as
though old Aquarius had got mad,
pulled her wide open, threw her clear
over, and was running wild for the next
deluge. 1t Numbered hard enough to
sour mans temper. When it light
ened, which was nearly all the time,
you couldn't see anything but the blind
ing glare. When it was dark, which
was most of the time, you could reach
out and feel the darkness like fog
bank. Splash, splash, splash, splash
went the horses through the mud.
Where they couldn't wade they could
swim. By-and-by there was scram-
bling sound in the darkness. The
driver would have disappeared if he
had been apparent. As it was, without
missing anybody particularly, i felt that
l was alone. Presently O voice came
up from the darkness:
Where are you"
recognized the voice Of my driver.
I had not seen him since we left Ma
comb, but he had been swearing all
the way, and his voice had grown ia
miliar to me. / said that / was right
where l belonged, on the seat in the
buggy, and asked where he was. He
informed me that the horses had
stepped upon fallen bridge, under
our end of which there had been o wash
out. The forward wheels were resting
on the sunken bridge, while the hind
ones were perched on the great round
earth, which is the planet we inhabit.
This accounted for the peculiar sensa-
ton experienced of sitting on the roof
OF house or the side of mountain.
The driver told me that he had fallen
over the dashboard, and was now sit
ting down between the horses. He had
the dashboard with him, but he did
not know what to do with it. He con-
cluded by asking me If / was hurt.
L told him that at first felt little
pilued at not receiving an invitation to
the bridge-opening, but since his ex-
PLANTATION / forgave, everything-cher-
ished no feelings of resentment. He
suggested that L get out and walk
across the bridge, while he held the
horses, and / could see If the other end
was all right.
/ replied with much feeling, that
while L could not do that / would re-
main where L was till daylight, when /
could look across and tell him how it
was.
Finally he led the horses safely
across, and we resumed our pleasant
lettering along the darkened way. At
the merry hour of 2:30 a. m, We
reched Bushnell.
1 was mud to the eyes. I was wet to
the bone. Ny eyes burned for sleep
Thad smoked $50 cigars on the way,
and was little nervous.
crawled into bed just in time to heac
the reporter say it was time t. get up.
L sat up on the side of the bed, and,
my hOths NOuhstA y
800 distinct and definite aches, and
stopped at the floating ribs discouraged.
l arrayed myself in my wet and muddy
raiment and danced merrily off to the
banquet hall / sat at the festive board
with smiles on my pale. false face, and
murder in my wicked heart. When the
festive board did not groan, / did. 1
was among good, kind, loving friends,
but their words of cheer fell upon an
icy heart, for 1 wanted to crawl under
the table and go to sleep. 1 loved and
admired Mr.. Colfax with genuine affec-
ton. / meant all the true and beauti-
full things said about him that morn
ing, and he will forgive me when he
knows that i wanted to hit him with u
stove leg.
went back to the hotel and went to
sleep leaning up against the wall of my
room before could get close enough
TO the bed to fall upon it. 1 dreamed
that I was man with two hundred
heads, and only one eye to sleep for
all of them; that hadn't been asleep
in a hundred years, and had just
crawled into a steamboat boiler to take
o nap, when Schuyler Colfax, wearip g
waters jacket, with napkin on his
n a a 4 \ 4