davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03
Two Ideas of an American Gentleman.

The truth is there are many different
qualities called by the name of vulgar
ity. We have had the misfortune of
coming across many vulgar Americans,
and the pleasure Of coming across
many of the same nation who were GEN
tlemen in the very highest sense of the
word, and the same experience, of
course, we have had of our own coun-
trymen. But the particular form of
vulgarity that is most offensive is not
that of Mr.. Washington Adams (of the
Grant White papers in the AtEantic),
but that of Mr.. Mansfield Humphreys.
The one is lacking in good breeding
and good manners, he is coarse and
unpleasant, and offends our taste in a
thousand different ways. But the 9TH
er, underneath an artificial polish,
contains not single quality of true
refinement of mind. He is ALWAYS
thinking of his own good, and other
peoples bad behavior, and he is-the
worst sign of l-aggressiVely touchy.
He has studied the part of the gentle
man as an actor might, and goes
through it as an actor does. But with
one real touch of nature he always
shows his real self. He is always pa
rading the fact that his part is real,
but he never takes in his audience.
He is often most pleasant and agree
able on surface, but, however, much
people may like to be amused by him,
they never wish to be connected with
him by marriage. And all the time he
is gloriousiy unconscious that the sur
face-polish is known to be surface-pol-
fish by everyone who has the slightest
insight. Such is the man whom Mr..
Grant White has placed before the
world rs the type he wishes to com.
pare with an ''old English gentleman. -.
1t is most unfair to the character of
America that such man should be re-
presented as the best type it can pro-
duce-LOndOn SGtat1'0laq ReUie2r.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03
The True Story of a Dude.

The more the fair young dude pazed
upon her the more he felt that in order
to complete his stature of manhood he
he must know her. Her spirit and his
would hold sweet converse over the
sparkling vintage Of sunny France and
the succulent product of Blue Point.
But how could he manage it? Fortune
favors the brave, and in this matter the
fair young dude had sworn to do or
die. He became acquainted with oe-
NAL young usher. He exerted his ener-
gies, such as they were, to win that
usher's friendship. He fed him on milk
and honey until his heart was won.
Then he confded to that usher the story
of his passion.
cav, yas, deah boy" he said, I'm
aWfully gone, you know, quite too aw-
fully. Cahn't sleep ahfter 10 o'clock in
mawning Cahn't eat q whole roll for
bweakfast. Dweadful feeling of heav-
mess heah Quitting his hand on bo-
SONY. Must know her somehow. Cahn't
you intwoduce me?'
''What, introduce you to Miss Mount
morris. Well, [ should blush to muir
MUIR"
know her long?"
ooh you bet. Come around to the
stage door after the show"
He went. His heart beat madIy-
that is, as madly as it could-while he
awaited the coming of the radiant Wis
ion. Several young ladies passed out.
She did not come. Still he awaited.
Presently he saw his friend the usher
coming out with his arm around lady.
She was not young. Indeed it would
have been flattery to call her thirty.
She was not fair. It would have been
base fabrication to call her even pleas
ant looking, No, that was not she.
Nevertheless, the lady and the usher
approached the fair young dude.
Here you are, old boy" said the
usher, ''allow me to present you to my
mother
And they carried the dude away;
yea, even unto the confines of Will
liamsburg. And they buried him I'M
der grape leaf. And no man know
eth his grave even until this day.
And no man wants to.-Nea0 York
Times
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03
Henry Irving at Harvard.

a good story and one as yet unpub-
lished, was told of Henry Irving, the
actor, at a recent dinner of Harvard al
umni at Buffalo. When the English
actor visited Boston, President and
Mrs. Eliot were among the spectators
at his first performance, and in order to
do honor to the stranger, he was invited
out to Harvard, shown all the college
lions, and finally entertained at
luncheon to which select party of dis
tinguished dous were hidden.
'.By the way, Mr.. Irving" said the
president, with a praiseworthy desire
to open the conversation upon sub
iect of general interest, ''are you q
university man?'
"No, sir" was the actors answer:
then, as if he felt that his answer might
be taken IS in some way implying dis
respect for the college and colleges in
general, he added, "but my business
manager is. "-Harper's for June.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03
The Art of Drinking Milk.

Milk should not be taken in copious
draughts like beer or any other fluid
which differ from it chemically. If we
consider the use of milk in infancy, the
physiological ingestion, that is, of
food provided for it, each small mouth
full is secured by effort and slowly pre-
scented to the gastric mucuouS surface
for the primal digestive stages. 1t is
thus regularly and gradually reduced
to curd, and the stomach is not OPP
pressed with lump of half-coagulated
milk. The same principle should be
regarded in case of the adult. Milk
should be slowly taken in mouthfuls, at
short intervals, and thus it is rightly
dealt with by the gastric juice. If
milk be taken after other food, it is al
most sure to burden the stomach and
cause discomfort and prolonged indi-
gestion, and this for the obvious reason
that there is not sufficient digestive
agency to dispose of it, and the better
the quality of the milk the more severe
the discomfort will be under these con-
ditions. Popular Science Monthly.
The Spanish gypsies assert that they
know the dance which Herodias'
daughter danced before Herod.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03
Plantation Philosophy.

De soberest man in de worl' is de
Teller w ut hab jest got ober a spree,
an he knows dat de advice whut he
GIBBS yer is good, ease he didn't follow
it hisse'f
When a boy takes it inter his head
dat de worl' owes him a libbin'. and
dat he's gwine to git it ez eazy ez he
ken, he'd better practice how ter act
when he gifts fore de gran jury, fur
he's gwine dar sho'.
1t hab been said dat it am list as well
for man to be q thief ez a liar. but
I doan agree wild de man whit says
it. A man sometimes tells lie to
make hisse'f more 'po'tant an ter
gain yer respeck. but the thief is after
gain an doan kere even fur his own re-
speck.
De man whut tries ter do right les
becase he is Altered O. de debiI. NAV
airter awhile think dat de debiI ain in
no great hurry to punish him an den
do wrong. [ ain got no respeck fur
forced 'ligion. De fruit whut am rails
ed in de dollhouse ain nigh so sweet
as de fruit what yer gifts outer de orch
ard.-ArbdncaU IraUeler.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03
mot at Home"

He had failed to obtain an interview
with James Keene, and had come away
mad.
'"That's the way with some men," he
explained, as he waved his arms about.
$50 to do them favor and they turn
on you like serpent. )
did you want to Interview him?"
"Well, [ wanted to ask a few ques-
tons"
Every Important"
81 should rather remark! Keene is a
good man. When [ heard that he was
dead broke / made up my mind to pull
him through"
"Your'
eyes, me. You know what Jay
Gould said when Keene came to New
York;"
Give heard about fifty different YER
sions of what he said.
'.And I've heard a hundred. Ny
idea was to collect 'em all in book
form and publish the work for Keene's
benefit. l wanted his wood-cut for the
frontispiece, but I'll be hanged if l
could get within six rods of him. -
Val Street Ne2CS
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03
How The Polite Tramp Worked 1t

A tramp struck Detroit the other day
who will grow rich when others of his
class will freeze and starye. 1t has
long been wonder that none of these
men knew how to take human nature,
but here is man at last. He was yes
terday working several streets in the
northern part of fhe city. He made
his call at the front door. Selecting
his house, and when the ring was an
swered, he would remove his hat and
inquire:
BEG pardon. but is this place for
saleP"
mo. sir
s.Ahi excuse me. was told that it
was for sale. although [ could not I'M
derstand why you should want to part
with such fine property. This is
one of the prettiest streets in Detroit"
Yes, think So.
1.-The air must be sweet and pure
here?"
"Oh, yes"
How nice everything around Your
house is kept up! Any stranger could
at once see that the family had taste
and culture. Sorry the place is not for
sale"
Did you wish to buy?"
mot exactly, but | know gentle
man who is looking for just such q
place, and [ volunteered to run about
a little for him. presume you would
want at least $40, 00O?"
''Oh, my, no! my husband values the
place at about $4,000"
Only $4,000! Beg, pardon, but 1
hope he won't be foolish enough to think
of selling it at that figure. He might
just as well get $4,000. I see that
your neighbors try to initiate your cur
tains. Ha! ha! Poor imitationsl
That is grand flower vase you have
here. priced one in New York the
other day, and it was $780,"
Yes, " she replied, pleased and
smiling.
'It L was an art connoisseur / should
like to look over your new house.
Everything betokens that you have
made art q study and travelled extern
siVely in Europe. BY the way, I'll step
to the side entrance for glass of wat
er, and if the girl can spare bit of
bread and meat I'll be thankful. My
long walk has made me faint. Beauti-
full front view here-taste and culture
apparent even in the way this mating
is nailed down on the steps. Sorry
just step to the kitchen door"
He not only got square meal, but
she hunted him up coat, hat and
pair of boots. and then felt she was in
his debt.-Det7'OH Free Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03

nush!' said the old lady; '.do not
wake him. He is worn out, both in
mind and body. Only be thankful that
God has given him back to you, almost
from the grave.
And as the two women sat together
by the blazing logs in the crimson par
lor, Mrs. Mildmay told Rosamond the
whole story OF the meeting at the Black
Pool.
Mother" said Rosamond with q
quivering lip, sit is my doing. You
warned me of this long ago. Oh, why
did l give no heed to your words? L
deserve it ALI
you will do better for the future,
my DEAR" said the old lady kindly.
''Only be brave and steadfast."
So the young people went back to the
city and commenced the world anew,
Withdrawing from the maelstrom of
society" and living within themselves.
Mrs. Midway, senior, came with
them, and Rosamond is learning the art
of housekeeping under her direction.
Mamma is an angelo says the
young wife enthusiastically. And if
l could only be just like her, l should
have no higher ambition"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03
-
Springtime.

Now has the gentle Springtme come, when
on our vision first.
The buxom buds of beauty into bloated bios
SONS burst,
And when the blinking buebird gay doth
hop from bOugh TO bOugh.
And wantonly doth MARBLE to the cud-con-
Stunning COW.
The little lambs arc loafing now upon the
limpid lawn,
And III the flush of misty morn is seen the
The cunning kid begins to sprout his horns
and hairy coat
And soon this cunning kid will be bold bad
billy-goat
Once more again the wicked worm uprears
his ugly head,
And trails his long and lurid length DER
grass and flower-bed;
The blatant bullfrOg now begins to get his
voice in tune,
And boom his brazen ballads to the melan-
chOly moon.
The lush and juicy bluebell too appears upon
Likewise the Iangutd lily and the darling
daffodil;
The pale narcissus, wan and white, resumes
q rudy hue,
And the vflet-haunted meadows too utterly
tOO-tOo.
The pretty little buttercup unfolds its many
charms;
The dashing dandeliOns claspcd IN eartn
fond-clinging arms;
The pure and spOtless daisy peeps, whose
mOdesty 'twOuld shock
To see the wanton roses and the crimson hol-
lyhock.
TITS now the time when poets souls do burst
their prisOn-bars,
And, scOrninC earth and earthly things soar
upward to the stars,
And TO that Heav' My place beyond, where
Cherubim do sing,
Where flowers ever bloom, and where tits al
ways gentle spring.
Bird c. WakeleY.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03
Looking for a Bank"

Yesterday afternoon an officer pa
trolling Griswold street observed a
stranger closely scanning the various
buildings, as if measuring their dimen-
sions with his eye, and finally inquired
if he was looking for any particular
number.
I'm alooking for a bank was the
reply.
well, there's half dozen on the
street"
Eyes, see, but aim quite satisfied.
I've turned over a new leaf. and am
going to start bank account. Here's
50 I'm going to put in as a nest-egg."
"Well, guess it will be safe with
any of them"
''Mabbe so, but I'm kinder mixed.
If | bank with q four-story building
like enough q cyclone will come along
and shave off about two stories If I
bank with any of the two-story fellers
mebbe they'll rent the upper floor to
somebody who'll dig down into the
vaults and gobble my cash"
The officer left him in a state of
doubt, but two hours later found him
in the allev in rear of the Postoffice
happy drunk.
Have you got over your doubt?"
asked the blue-coat, as he kindly col
Jared him.
''Whaz you mean?"
why, about the banks. ="
'.Yez, sur-yez, sur, stead of taking
flour or two-s-story bank l split differ
enze and left all money in three-story
s-saloon! Whoopi Turned over new
leaf and going to start er bank my
selfr' Detroit Free Press. Sssqaa Esaa
It is s.id of William NJ. Evarts that
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03

A Vermont man took mean revenge
on bull that hurried him some across
field. He borrowed wooden Indian
from a tobacconist's doorway and set
it up in the field frequented by the
vine. The bull charged the Indian ..
slight provocation and tossed it, anu
when it came down on his back It made
him squat and below with pain, while
the man who borrowed the Indian
stood OF the other side of the fence and
enjoyed it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03

A New York woman has left her hus-
band q large fortune on condition that
he shall remain single. Happiness
does come in double doses occasionally.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-03

1t is said of William NJ. Evarts that
he never laughed out loud in his life.
The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1884-08-06
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The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1884-08-06

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The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1884-08-06

>SNerSl SsTtrvzt socozass hsyv apT'csrsd in lie
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The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1884-08-06


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