The Hazlehurst signal., 1884-04-10
HUMOROUS.

1t was once salI Of penurlous
money! lender tha: he Kept the trunk
containing his securities near the head
of his bed. and lay awake TO hear them
accumulate interest.
The vigilantes out in Arizona
hanged man the other day because he
was a confirmed liar. Good gracious!
II IL gets TO be the rule To hang liars,
none 0f us-that is TO say, there are q
great many men who will be in danger.
-7craS Sytinqs.
Sir" said hypochondriacsl pa.
tient, while describing his symptoms to
his family physician, IL feel a terrible
pain in my side when put my hand up
10 nv head" "Thcn, sir" exclaimed
the mid physician. "why the deuce do
you put your hand TO your hcsd'"
--"Oh. don't propose to me now"
shrickcd philadelphia girl M her lover
dropped ON his knees and seized her
hand. "Don't rop The question now v
she screamed; "don't, don't, don't II
I say yes you'll want To kiss me. and
I've been eating onions. ."-Ihiiddeiphfa
Cal.
AS man and his wife were walk
ing home on foot In the country. the
husband said: "How the milc.stoncs
along the road cheer the way" Yes, :"
responded the tired o, "but think
Il would have been great improve
ment IL they had put them nearer to-
ge,hcr."
"a New York car.drivcr when he
wants tn clear the track shouts: eli.
there. hi" A Chicago driver strikes
his bell and shouts; "Shakc 'cm up
there. will you" A Boston driver says
.Deyia,c from the direct line those
equine appcndaScs, accelerate, acce.er-
atc, exhilaration, lively now. ."-Chiea.
20 Inter Ocean.
.-"If you don't marry me-" he ey.
claimed, "Ill take myself out OF this
lated world and I'll haunt you rs long
As YOU live" Said she: "lt will be
more respectable than your present
haunts. Please stand little farther
of. never could bear the smell OF
alcohol so soon after tca.-3osion 7fdn-
script
-"Circumstanccs alter cases, you
know said rich old miser TO q
nephew who hal lost his 'fo:tunc,
aud consequently his unclc's friendship;
81 repeat, sir. that circumstances alter
cases" "Yes, see they do, especially
when they are reduced circumstances. v
mournfully responded tho nephew
n. T. Ledger.
As they were etrudging along 10 school.
| n fyc-ycar.0ld Boston miss said to her
compan!on, n lad of six summers:
"Werc you ever afrighted At the con.
tipuity Of n ro,lcn.?" "Nay, forsooth,"
he replied. III fear not the juxiaposi-
tom Of the creature. but dislike It's ten
dcncy to an int mate propinquiiy.'-
| " Y. Morning journal.
Robert Smith, brother OF Sydney,
aud Familiarity called "Bobus. was q
LAWYER and an cx-Advocate-Gencral
and happened on one occasion to DO cn-
gagged IN argument with IN excellent
physlcian touching the merits Of their
respective professions. "You must sd-
nit" urged DIR. X, "that your profcs.
sion does not make angels OF men" -"
.. No" was the rctort, "there you have
the best Of it; yours certainly gives them
the first chance"
"A Carlisle girl has record OF hav.
inc eaten thirty.live griddlo cakes on
n wager. recently. This, OF cousc, oc-
curred since Matthew Arnold's dcciars-
tion that the women of America are
delicate. spirituelle creatures. Il Is very
doubtful II the apostle OF sweetness
and light" himself. with oil his intclli.
renee and deep poetic feeling. could put
Himself outside Of thirty.fvc griddle'
cakes in one inning.-NOrri'to'on Her
aid.