Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-07-11
Tracts on the Train.

AFFECTED A STOUT GENTLEMAN.
AN INNOCENT GAME OF EUCHRE INTERRUPT
TED-A COLLECTION.
The Albany afternoon express
was humming it's accustomed way
southwark one day last week when
a tall, sallow man with a red goa
tee entering the smoking car. de
swung a small black satchel in one
hand and with the other distribut-
ed slips of printed paper to the oc'
cupants of the seats. They bore
on one side the announcement,
sYou are on the train to hell; on
on the other the suggestion, THE
devil is your locomotive-uncouple
quick This stirring information
the sallow man disseminated with
calm and impartial solicitude.
The car was full of men and
smoke, with sprinkling of brown
TASKS and playing cards. In the
middle four euchre players were
having a cheerful game. One was
stout and wore gold spectacles,
broadcloth and a black silk cap.
Another displayed very large seal
ring on a very dirty hand, and
looked like Nihilist refugee. The
third was unmistakably drummer
and the fourth, sharp featured
man in an ulster, who said he was
Gin the cattle way" The tract
distribut or laid four of his tracts
over a turned up trump, as he
passed deliberately down the aisle
The four looked up. The drum
mer laughed, the Nihilist scowled,
the cattle dealer grinned and the
stout gentleman's eyes twinkled
behind his glasses. He glanced
over his tract and read the head
lines aloud.
'There, gentlemen said he
pleasantly lis an instance of the
greatest unselfshness. Somebody
is spending money out of pure love
for our immortal souls
Nobody knows how much goes
for salaries, said the cattle dealer
'These tract societies are swindles
on the fools who give 'em the mon
ey. l take this trick
Monstrous,' added the Nihilist
as he shuffled. why should | bt
made to read this trash, fit fol
women and babes in arms? Are
we ignorant, trembling, supersti
tious idiots, to be frightened by q
CRY of wolf? Diamonds, trumpS
and the Jack at thatp
No man can cram religion dowr
my throat remarked the drum
mer, leading an ace. IF l was
bit onto the religious racket this
sort O. thing would knock me Oft
1t riles me to have a fellow shove
thing like that into my face
Maybe this trains going to hell
but it's a free country. l was in
tended for the church, and if
hadn't had a Vermont deacon for
father might ha' been drawing ter
thousand a year by Jove! in q
Fifth avenue church to-day
The trouble with tracts is,' an6
the stout gentleman laying down &
suit card. That they take every
thing for granted. For instance
l am told that my road leads tt
hell. Where is hell? Who has
the authority to tell me I'm going
there! And what am I? Whats
the devil, and why is he a spiritua
locomotive in relation to me! The
tract answers none of these ques
tions. But where is the man, con
tinued the stout gentleman looking
around. 'Where, l say, is the be
sotted intellect which those Ques
tions do not perplexP
'Herep said somebody behint
him. The stout gentleman starte'
and grew red. The tract distribu
tor had come back. He had hear
the stout gentleman's question am
having answered it stood lookini
at him with a grieved and most IN
comfortable solemnlty.
'And so,' said the stout gentle
man, flarridly, throwing away
trump, you believe all the nor
sense in your tracts, do your Sc
here. You call heaven a place G
happiness. Will it make yon an,
happier there to see me broiling i
hell for disbelieving your tracts
1T will, said the sallow mar
firmly. The stont gentleman joir
ed in the laugh which followed
BE took a trick, which increased hi
good nature.
well, WE'LL said he, your cor
scientious, at all events. The
ought to pay you well!
| GTbav donitj said the gallOW ma