The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1884-07-30
The Boy who Tried to Name Himself

Mr.. jeremiah Smith sat looking at his
wife with an air of comical uncertainty,
and his wife returned the look with an
air of fixed determination.
"My dear, we must let him name him
SELF" said Mrs. Smith.
"But consider, my love, what trying
position for boy Besides, he will make
some horrible mistake"
at can't be any worse than some we
have made, Jeremiah. just look at our
children is any one of them satisfied
eth his or her name ?"
"No. But, for that matter, l have
never forgiven my great.uncle for naming
me Jeremiah. L have had dislike for
that prophet ever SINCE"
eyes, that's just the point. When we
named our Oldest girl Matilda Maria we
never considered how we were hurting
her feelings for life. She told me only
the other day that she hated her name,
and would rather be called Sophronia Ann
wards, and Wilhelmina and Ulysses Boil.
ivar, why, to hear them talk, you would
think they had drawn their names by lot
out of a dictionary"
"Well, I did have little doubt myself
at the time about Ulysses Bolivar. But
you know we tried to make up for the
want of grandeur in the last name by put
ting it into the first
eyes, and it doesn't work. No, Jere-
miah, we must let this one have fair
chance. Let him name himself, say when
he is eight years old, and then we shall
have one child who is satisfied"
every well, my DEAR" said Mr.. Smith,
with sigh, partly in anticipation of COM
ing evil, burying himself in the evening
paper.
The subject of these remarks was my
self. was unconscious of their meaning
at the time, owing to the fact that was
but two months old. So, in blissful igno-
rance of my lack of first name, lived
peacefully the space of four years. At
the end of that time discovered the alb
sence through the following circumstance !:
l was at play with another boy of my
own age and he addressed me rather disre-
spectfully as Bub." 1 resented it. "My
name isn't Bub'l"
"What is it, then?"
This was poser. did not know.
ran into the house and exclaimed,
"Mother, is my name Bub'
her answer aSCOnlSned me.
~ don't know, my son."
"But l want name. shall get lost
without one " cried in alarm.
My mother replied, calmly, "Your
father and have decided to let you name
yourself. So, when you are eight years
old you may choose your own name. That
will give you four years in which to make
up your mind"
"But what will my name be until
them" asked.
My mother hesitated. "Well, we will
call you simply Smith,"
"But don't like that" / cried.
"It is your fathers name, and you can
put up with it four years. At the end of
that time, remember, you are to name
yourself"
Name myself was a contemplative
youth; revolved in my mind all the pos.
sbilities included in this uHheard-of priv
ilege. The more thought of it the more
liked it. would have a name such as
no other boy ever had before. 1t would
be a name destined to hand down the
family of Smith to posterity. No insig
nificant one-syllabled affair, which could
be turned or abbreviated into nickname
but a sesquipedalian appellation, which
would strike awe into the rest of the
family.
will pass over the four years during
which was a nameless individual, dis
tinguished from the rest of mankind only
as boy called "Smith," until was eight
years old. On the evening of that event
full day, at the supper table, formally
announced my selection of a name al
Alexander Won Bismarck Smith.
My father groaned; my mother turned
pale.
"Just what 1 told you !" exclaimed
my father, with reproachful look.
"Well," replied my mother, recovering
herself after the first shock, ais it an,
worse than Ulysses Bolivar ?"
Mr.. Smith said nothing, but tried t.
look resigned.
But at the end of week was tired O.
Alexander Won Bismarck. 1t was not to-
long. But somehow it didn't please me
Besides, a red-headed youth in the mex
yard persisted in calling me "Biz," il
spite of two severe lickings administers,
to him by me behind our barn. And on
day, in reading newspaper, I came acros
the very same name belonging to ma
by the name of Smith living in Dskots
So decided to change. | slept ON m
resolve, and in the morning, as l wa
going to school, my father called GU
"Alexander."
was so intent on my new name that
failed to hear him.
ALEXANDER, you may split up that WOO
when you get home. Do you hear 2"
Yes, sir; but don't call me Alexande
please. I've got another name."
Another name gasped Mr.. Smith
"Why, what do you mean 2"
81 have determined to call myse
Richard C9ur de Lion, SIR"
Richard Cur my father stammere,
and then sat down wholly overcome. BIZ
my mind was made up not to be Ale,
ander Won Bismarck another day.
Alas, my new name was as objection
able as the old Everybody called m
"Dick." Strange had not foreseen tina
And my only reason for taking the nam
was to revel in the distinguished title ,
"Ceur de Lion.' But the remedy lay !
myself. No restrictions had been place
upon me, and all had to do was to kee
on naming until was suited.
SO l had new name nearly ever
week. tired of one almost as soon as
had chosen it. Another was too hard
pronounce. None pleased me- Isearcht