, 1884-09-12
JONATHAN AID JOHN.
An American Enlightens His Eng
lish Friend on Social Points.
widely Different Methods of Making
IA Acquaintance OF a Young
Lady Naughty Ways,
But Enjoyable.


uptown boarding house, ami when their eyes
were tired of gazing upon villainons chronns
and vases which had been generously L.
stoue1 with various pounds Of adulterated
oolong, they directed their attention TO the
inclemency Of the weather. They noticed
that something more substantial than the
shades Of night was falling. IL was rain.
John Bull, who had but just arrived from
the British isle whence all that is great and
noble en,anates, sighed. jonathan, with
American elasticity, rose equal % the nc
casion-
John, ~ he said, your society is inexpress-
IDLY pleasant 10 me, dear boy, but there is
one whom l crave 10 soc. shall leave you
for the present"
John Bull chewed the cud OF and bit
ter fancy and was taciturnity personided.
Il am going continued Jonathan, @to witt
that charming girl you saw me speaking to
at the Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's picnic the
other day. She asked me 10 call
There was a solemn stiffness in the room.
Then It was broken by "Hei hel hel"p from
John Bull. ~Ahi very good indeed, iona
than, - be said. your jokes ara always
pleasant-you have the weird eccentricity
Of the genuine Yankee. But you mustn't
draw the long bow too far
john said Jonathan, solemnly, Il de
clare TO you In all good earnest thai | am
RFfAA ~ ' AAN AAAAN NRNhA Ahl1H Hll1 WHY
not, prayi She Is but ono among my large
list OF female acquaintance. / shall not
only call upon her, but, II the weather clears
up, we shall adjourn to an ice cream
saloon
John Bull turned pale. He clasped his
head between his hands, as though to grasp
an idea. His eyes rolled convulsively. Ii
was all over ~then-nothing but a passing
spasm.
jonathan, ~ be said, s~epulchrally," | must
believe you, and | do SO with the intensity OF
sorrow you will not comprehend. Chappie-
OH let me tell you, chappie-I crossed the At
lantic TO study American social customs and
compare them with our own. You see. 1
live among you as one Of yourselves, with
that specific object in view only. Jonathan,
your remark has opened my eyes TO the CON
dition Of things which | suspected but dared
not believe. lmust believe 1t now. oh, tell
me YOU'RE not trining with mer'
90 ccme OH sail the unsedtimental de
scendant Of the passengers per Mnynower.
No. you shall hear me out BE silent.r
sternly remarked Bull. SWhen you tell mo
that you-a young man-openly make In dis
criminnte visits upon young ladies OF your
own age | am shocked. II this state Of affairs
we're known in Eugland-and It 3,
not-people would gasp II, sheer amaze
fNHHE HAAH hHh NAAAltlnEAIu luH
frequent American joke to the effect that a
youth calls upon a girl. stays till past mid
night / warned by young brother that
breakfast is nearly ready Is kicked out by
an indignant father. and makes his escare
screaming; 'Soledi by Joven How differ.
ent is Englandl'
What is your patent for visiting young
lndiesf'
Jonathan, II l openly called upon Il young
lady, unless | were engaged to her, should be
ostracised. Let us suppose that l meet a girl
in the same manner that you met the young
Indy at Beecher's picnic. Well. am
anxious TO call ON her"
-Oh, you are, you sly doglr
"Silence. This is superstition. Well,
must first find out II she has a brother. Ten
to one she has. ] must then proceed to make
his acquaintance. When that Is accom-
p ishel all is well. / can call at the house
not to see Miss Blank, mind you. but Mr..
bla DE- Everyil ing Is worked through the
bro her. Miss Blank comes into the room
Her father and mother are therc. can talk
TO her in their p~fescire-but that is all. Dear
JacS Is my frienl. His sister is an accessory
presumably and TO all Appearance
~Barbarinnsl' calculated Jonathan. How
un 'arth can fellows marry II they eau never
see a Girl alonet'
hH"ll"Nf Hah oNhA Dull TLltfH
are hundreds Of ways OF accomplishing that
end Miss Blank perhaps says, Dear mel
Nv" got togo Westbourne Grove tomorrow to
see my dressmHker.' Good! | wend my
way TO WestbOurne Grove on the morrow.
and am Of course intensely surprised to find
Mis- Blank. We walk along and chat. Then
she says on leaving, Come in, Mr. Bull.
Jack will he delighted TO SEQ you. He's very
lonely This happens perhaps three times a
week, and then, Of course, when l become
more intimate 1 often find Miss Blank alone.
1t is very simple
AM you call yourselves civilized beingsf1
calculated the promising New-Yorker. aDo
you mean To tell me Miss Blank hasn't a
craving for ice cneamf'
please don't insult the lady in my pres
once, said John, priggishly. III l dared 70
suggest such n thing to m English girl. she'd
eNclaim; You horrid man: I'll tell
mamma
"Hel her chuckled Jonathan, brutally. Il
wish my girl would say that occasionally.
just 10 vary the monotony, as it were. Why.
John, u New Yorker who has no ice cream
expenses is %afiuent. We ruin ourselves on
ice cream Girls won't look at us unless we
oher TO treat them, andI must say we have
good times. Yes, I'm willing to bear the
expense for the pleasure get
Jonathan said John Bull, do Won know
that in England I'm not allowed to accom-.
pany my own cousin TO the theatre-alone, |
meant Why, there was a play at the Adel-
phi n few weeks ago that "A dear little cousin
Of mino was pining 10 see. asked my aunt
to allow me to TAX her. My cousin and |
had grown up together, you know. john
said she TO me, q always thought you "A good,
modest boy. Il seems that both my uncle
and have been deceived in You, for a more
Indecent proposition than this have never
listened to.'a
Stupid old girli' remarked Jonathan.
Stupid she may b.. But she is my aunt.
Remember that
Well, / must say that for idiotie conven-
uonalities-barbarous, unheard-of, obsolete
customs-commend me TO the English. Now,
own that our system Is much better
-Il admit this, said the Englishman. that
while I'm in America l shall certainly enjoy
the American system. It certainly Is pleas
ant TO be able 10 eat ice cream with a dear
little American beside you. IL is even de
lightful But, Jonathan, don't ask me To say
l agree with it It's naughty, but it's-ohi
20 nice. / shall condemn II when | 20 back.
But while I'm here Of course ! must do as the
Americans do. That's only polite. Jonathan
has the young lady you're going to visit to-
night got "A sister,
That she has a sweet little sister,
Jonathan, take me there and introduce
me, like a good fellow
And the obscure apartment with its villnin-
ous chromos. was suddenly vacated.
The best smoking tobacco Is Little
Joker