The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-29
SunbeanS.

one baby instead of twins.
An exchange says that there can be no
earthly reason why women should not be
allowed to become medical men.
A reporter, describing wedding. said
''it was all over in very few minutes.
Gracious That sounds like hanging.
Virgins claims to have seen two moons
We would simply warn Mr.. Virgins that
this is lone of the first symptoms"
Will you join me in a cup of tea Mr.
Simpkins p Mr. Simpkins "Ah. thank
you but wouldn't it be rather crowded."
A man has inst been hung ont West for
killing his sister-in-law. His widow
hardly knows how to dress under the cir
cumstances.
Somebody saws Good manners are
the small coin of virtue" If this be true
we suppose bad manners must be the
trade dollar of vice.
These warm evenings are Just the right
time to pop the question. for the girl is
usually ready to wilt before the young
man has time to say, wilt thou be
mine?"
The census proves that the number OF
persons in a family in this country is a
les the husband IS the small fraction
over
Be careful to avoid unripe fruit ana
drinking too much ice water. Everybody
ought to want to live until Fall just to
see how many electoral votes Ben Butler
gets.
An Irish magistrate asked a prisoner if
he was married. $ No." replied the
man. Then replied his worship.
amid peals OF laughter, lit is a good
thing for your wife. .
The ladies' are against Logan. They
say that when human hair brings such
good price no man has the right to wear
moustache big enough 10 make a first
class switch
Now that a political campaign is COM
ing on. Congress ought to pass law
compelling stump orators to wear porous
plasters over their mouths and talk only
through the holes.
Emerson said Trust men and they
will trust you" It might be well for
young men who have not yet paid for
their Spring suits to cut this out and Ell
close it to their tailors.
Dr. Mary Walker said few days ago
to a Washington interviewer that size
would wear pantaloons or nothing. This
is dangerous. The doctor must be let
alone. We cannot bear the alternative.
Have you got the rent ready at llst?"
No, sir ma went out washing and fr-
got TO put it out for you before she left.
How do YOU know she forgot to put i;
out?" well, she told me So"
The artistic taste III Mrs. BIS new
oh
it speak, remarked a Madison aveuus
husband unto his spouse Yes, was
the reply, "it is certainly very loud "
An Oswego paper described fire BY
saying that 'the red flames danced in the
heavens and flung their fiery arms like a
black funeral pail, until Sam Jones got
on the roof and doused them out with
pail of water.
4 Hoboken justice asked a colored
prisoner if he had ever been arrested be-
fore No, sab l has nebber Wit bin
rested befoah. l runs so fast that hit,
as much as de pleeceman kin do ter cotch
me behind
Said bright-eyed little Julia, JERSEY
City Heights girl Of five Summers, who
was giving evidence OF some bodily pain.
when asked by her mother if she had the
side ache: No, mamma; but I've got
the front ache.
Squggs will not allow his eldest daugh.
ter who has reached the mature age Of
sixteen, to have beau He SAYS that lis
wife can do all the billing and the new
baby all the cooling that the house can
stand at present
MY dear madam, said the doctor
=" if your little fellow can't sleep I shall
prescribe a soporifc. . Thanks, doc
tor" replied the fond mother II do
hope he'll take it, but I'm afraid not. ]
to soap in any form.
Upon looking at the size Of the
Greenback party, says Colonel Mooney.
one is reminded Of the remark Of the
Irishman upon seeing a very small coffin
III the window of an undertaken. It's
entirely too small to be intended for any
Twin orator.
Good Samaritan Ito friend with "ho
coppers - What's the matter old
chappie?' Sufferer" Oh. my dear boy,
my brain is on fire! What would Won
advise me to do?" G.. s." Well, II
your brains are on fire, if 1 were you
should, er-blow them out.
Mr.. Churchpilar - do you know
where little boys 60 to who play ball on
the Sabbath day." Small boy" Betcl-
er life we do. Dey goes over ter Hobol
en-, case de cops nab EN- if dey play here
If yer want to see rattlin' good game,
come over wild us and be umpire
Little Freddie was talking to his grand
ma, who was something of a skeptic
Grandma, do you belong to the Presby-
terrain church," No" . To the Bap-
tisty' No" Ito any church," NO"
well, grandma don't you think its
about time for you to get in somewhere?
Patient" Doctor, I want you to pre-
scribe for me-" Doctor latter feeling Of
her pulse)-"T is nothing the MAJ
ter, madam. All you need is rest. Pa
tient-"Now, aren't you mistaken, doe
tor? Please study my case carefully
Just look at my tongue" Doctor-"Tia
needs rest, too.
The West New Jersey Bartist Association
representing the denomination in tie south /
ern section of the state, and including it IS |
said, over fifty churches will hold its |
annual meeting at Mount Holly on Sep |
tanher OIL,