Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-01-03
WIT AND HUMOR.
l threw you kiss, my pretty LoCise.
threw you kiss at the door
Rnf Your father stern boot did he III,

Il.
A newly married Texas man shot his
bride while she was mixing her first
batch of biscuits. His plea in court
will probably be self defense.
A young man who proposed to his
girl and was met with the reply that
she couldn't see it, is more than ever
convinced that love is blind.
what will stick closer to a man than
good, true wife?" asks a correspon-
dent. A porous plaster will crowd her
for the honors, young man.
Yes" said he, alphabetically, Il
said the policeman was drunk, but did
not mean to state it as fact. | merely
made the remark on general princi-
pies"
A Rockland man who had been
drinking, went home the other night
and growled so at his wife that she
called him her sour mash He said
that if she called him that again he'd
liquor.
The following beautiful description
of sunset scene in Georgia is from the
Macon Telegraph: The rosy heels of
day, as he racks down the western
turnpike, have been greatly admired
by the ladies lately"
1t is estimated that over 500, 900 tons
of paper are made in this country every
year, and yet the man who shaves him
self has to look around for over fifteen
minutes before he can find piece that
he dare wipe his lather on.
A Philadelphia paper says it is cru
city to animals for woman to Jump
up on table and yell like n wild In
dian when a mouse or a rat appears.
The poor little animals are often fright
ened into fits.
Lady visitor: us your mistress at
home?" Servant (religiously inclined)
Eyes, mum, but she is too busy to see
you" Lady visitor; Then she is not
at home" Servant; Fact is, mum,
can't lie under $50 a month-and l
won't"
The cashier of western bank was
recently blown away by cyclone, and
has not been heard from since. He
must be hopping mad that the cyclone
did not let him know in advance what
an opportunity he was going to have
Burlington Free Press.
81 notice. said Brown, who is a bird
fancier, that ravens have been sue
cessfully used instead or carrier pig
cons at Coblentz, on the Rhine" 80,
that is nothing" said Smith, ''sparrows
have been successfully used instead of
reed birds in Philadelphia restaurants.
Could conjugal affection be more
strictly displayed than it is in the sub
joined: And so, doctor, you think
my wife will get well?" Il am sure of
it if you can persuade her to take this
dose" doctor, take it she shall, if /
have to break every bone in her body"
80, Amerikaw, Amerikaw! How 1
love you-Fifty cents all around, please.
American women are very beautiful
Fifty cents more all around, please [
have purchased a house in New York
and shall make this country my home
Fifty cents MORE etc. That is what
our European visitors are giving US.
What right has Professor Young to
spoil any vacation plans by saying that
railroad train travelling at the rate of
forty miles an hour without stops would
be more than 365 years in reaching the
sun, and at the low rate of one cent a
mile the fare would be $3.50, 0O0?-Loa0-
ell Courier.
A young man who had four times
proposed to the same girl, and as many
times been rejected, finally became
nettled. ''You ought to go on the
stage" he remarked with a sheer 'On
the stage; why?" she inquired. ''Be-
cause you are an excellent sleight-of-
hand performers" was the reply.
An indianapolis woman is suing for
a divorce because her husband r1luzzled
her with base Lail mask, and vet if
base ball masks were fashionable she
would have worried the life out Of him
in her endeayO"s to persuade him TO
buy her one. This is a world of queer
contraries.
The old way the best. Professional
beauty (to husband) They needn't
tell me about the improvements in pho
Biography. Why, here's one of them
patent, instantaneous photographs |
as purity as the one had taken in Flat
bush twenty-five years ago. - The
judge
When a young man goes to place
to engage board and discovers the mot
to, Give Us this Day our Daily Bread"
hanging above the door of the dining
room, he wonders if this is not a plain
tive request from the hungry boarders
to the Iandlady, and hesitates before
making the fearful plunge.-L0a0eH
Citizen
Il was to be married, you know"
said Blooms to his friend Clarke, "but
l g-guess its off, you know, for good"
''How is that?" asked Clarke. This
way replied Blooms. ''She s-said she
would marry me when all impedi-
ments were r-removed." Eyes" well
l asked her last night if they were-aw
not all r-removed, you know, and she
s-said no, l s-still s-stutter.
Oh, horror! it is reported that an En-
glish nobleman is about to take steps
to get a divorce from his American
wife. After all the trouble that the
dear creatures have been to to secure
titled spouses, it is really too bad if