Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-05-21
PLEASANTRIES.

Post Erpress.
A COUNTER IRRTrANT-The woman
who offers 10 cents q yard for 40-cent
goods. -NorristoD Herald.
Ell MAHD1 has eighteen wives, and
saws he went to war for a little quiet
and rest Bismarck Tribune.
ssYEs," she said. ST always obey my
hubsand. but reckon have something
to saw about what his commands shall
be.-Boston Post.
YOU'VE grammarlan-''No;y you cannot
say sthe shaG has risen. Although 1t
sounds ungrammatical, you will be quite
correct in saying 'the shad has roes.
". Y Journal.
'sAnoNzo, dear, do you believe 10
ghosts?" she asked dreamily. mo,
darling, I DON'T" he replied. "Well,
Alonzo that ghosts to show you are not
superstitous. Then they fell into a
sweet, calm sleep.
The Providence Press tells of a mar
ried couple who were passing jewelry
store the other day. Her attention was
attracted by perfectly lovely" pair of
earrings. Said she: siOL, Ned, go buy
'em p And Ned went by 'em.
ssWHAr are you doing?" asked Fogg's
wife as she saw him bundling up some
thing suspicious preparatory to going
fishing. esprit rapping," said Fogg,
and he winked to himself all the way
down to the creek.-Salena Sunbeam,
'tARE you familiar with Bryant p
asked young lady of timid young
man whom she was trying TO draw out.
sOh, yes," he replied, proudly, bright
euing up, 81 graduated at one of his
business colleges. - Philadelphia
Record.
SWELL, Pat" was asked of a recently
arrived immigrant, sand how do you
like American SITS a fine country,
sor." Have you succeeded in getting
work yet?" No, sor, but have frlnd
in Washington who is afther getting me
q pinsion. "-Eh5ladelDhiG CGtI.
ssWHAT is the difference between book
beer and the common lager beer Also,
what is book beer ?-Reader. Wedon't
know. IF you wish to learn anything
about the different varieties of water
send in your questions. We are author
ity on the subj Philadelphia Gail.
A PrrTsBURG inventor has devised
jet black mirror. They will hardly be-
come popular among our colored citi-
sci can perceive only the whites of her
eyes. s'G'way from heah wild yer brack
Iookin' glasses Pr Chronicle Telegraph.
A FASHION item says: Jackets of vel
vet with vest of satin are nice and styl-
ish for breakfast. If it's the style, no
doubt this novel dish will find favor;
and yet there are hard-headed old fell
lows who will still cling to tripe-style
or no style. Cincinnati Saturday
Night.
SOME wicked fellow got into church
vestry after the deacons and clergy had
held meeting there and left four beer
bottles, whisky flask all empty, and
two packs OF cards under the table.
When the sewinG, society met an hour
later they held long and whispered
conversatio. n
No cheese parings -ssAnd 'ow about
the performers for my lady's concert on
Wednesday ne1t?" sob, it's all right,
Sir Gorgiusl I've got you six first vio-
Inns, four second violins, and" ''Sec-
ond violins be 'anged I'll ave none
but first fddles performing in my 'ouse!"
London Punch.
MADAM lin horror)-" Mercy on us,
Bridget, what have you been doing %
Bridget (returning from the cellar
with her hands full of Holsters claws)-
'sHowly Virgin protect US ! have just
killed one of the biggest cockr caches,
a-crawlin' over yez cellar bottom, that I
iver see in me life i"-Li(e.
CUSTOMER: Chow much do you want
for the coat?" Levi Moses: Fifteen
tollar; it's wort de money. You yoost
veel of der linin' vuncer' Customer:
ssI'll tell you what I'll, do, old man,
I'll give you three dollars, cash." Lew
Moses: "Tree tollar?'' (Rehecting)
"yen, you tBke him; dots near
enough. Life.
THE art craze still RACES in Boston.
Five thousand citizens of the Hub at
tended an exhibition at the Institute
Building few nights ago. Decorating
s'mugs'' by couple of bruisers COM
prised the entertainment. 1t is said to
have been very striking exhibition, the
ssartists" throwing much feeling into
their work.-Norr5stoaO Herald.
A WHITE squall caught a party of
tourists moving across a lake in
Scotland and threatened to capsize the
boat. When Ii seemed that the crisis was
really come the largest and physically
the strongest in the party, in Il state
of intense fear, said. ''Let US pray P'
ssNo, no, my man." shouted the bluff
old boatman; 'slet the little man pray
you take the oar.
AN Irish waiter in one of our hotels
pointed out guest to another waiter
and said: LUX at the haythen. "Sure
he's no haythen, said the other. 'eDldn't
he slip mea dollar at breakfast ?" ''Sure,
an he ppy me a d0llar too bUt he's a
haythen." ssArrah. go long wild ye;
phwat makes him haythen ?" "Didn't
he tell me wild his own mouth that he
niver ates praties." COW, the haythenp'
San Francisco Post.
SCOOP morning, John," said one of
the leading pastors in Scranton to a
Young friend whom he met on the
street the first warm day of the season;
"How does your father stand the heat ?''
The young man made no reply. but
went away with clouded brow. And
when the good pastor learned that the
young mans father had died only week