The Florida agriculturist., 1884-11-05

NultilllS d newspaper Is ike IdCklng
down carpets. Every man thinks he
can do it until he tries.-Phila. Call.
A little school girls definition of scan
dial was Nobody knows nothing and
everybody goes on telling it everywhere.
A Georgia man climbed three flights of
stairs to whip an editor, and came down
the ightning-rod with his clothes half
torn from his body. He always subscri-
bes for his paper in advance now.
"Little baby is very ill, Charley; l am
afraid he is going to die" "Well if he
does die, mamma, he won't go to the
bad place" "Why, Charley, how can
you know that?" "Oh, know he can, t
mamma, he's got no teeth to gnash."
Maud Isn't this queer title for a
book, mother: Not Like Other Girls p
l wonder what she can be if she is not
like other girls ?" Mother-"I don't
know, unless she goes into the kitchen
and helps her mother, instead of staying
in the parlor to read novels. Life.
"It's powerful hard matter for me to
keep my religion" said church mem
Der to his minister. 'fEvery time think
I've got good holt on it something
turns up to make me cuss; so am kept
on a trot between the world and the
mourners bench. This morning lost all
the religion had while trying to shoot
Tom Green. The gun wouldn't 90 off
and / had to cuss. ."-1rkdnsdtt Traveller.
Johnny was told that he might have
half the grapes. When his mother went
to the cupboard she found that he had
taken all and left none for his sister.
l. 10. l. IL %lnr. /,
replied =" Mamma, I'll tell you just how
it was When had eaten hall of the
grapes | happened to think that l had
eaten up Oracle S half insted of my own.
was real sorry, but then / couldn't
help it. I'd given her part Of my half,
only they We're so good that they were
all gone before knew it. t."-BostOn Trda-
script.
"My dear, remarked the editor to his
wife the other day. "do you know what
became of the cigar box which ! left on
the mantel yesterday? ?" eyes, replied
his spouse, " 1 threw it in the stove this
morning." 81 am sorry you did that, +"
rejoined the editor, it contained $1,000,
my last months pay, and had intend
diamonds with ii. - "Oh, never mind, -
replied the lady cheerfully, II can wait
till next months salary becomes due"
oil City Derrick.
He was seated across the room.
George" she said, ''if a fire were sud-
denly to break out in the house what
would be your firstimpulse, do you think
e We'll, my first thought would be fol
you, of course. l would get you to &
place of safety and then do what could
eKtinguish the flames." ''That would
be very nice of you, George, to think Of
nae first; but if a fire were to break out
now, for instance, wouldn't you lose
valuable time reaching me from way
across the room? ?" 81 don't know but
would" said George, as he changed
his seat.-Ne,c Nork iSsn.
@SOh, just look at those beautiful mel
ons, they fairly make my mouth water, /"
she exclaimed. "They are beauties, /"
he replied. "Wouldn'ti it be nice to take
one home with us and put it on ice for a
while and then have it at supper?''
"Mouldn't it,"
"But," and he paused reflectively,
H4you know, though don't believe it,
they say melons are malarious. Don't
YOU think maybe we had better stop on
our way home and have a nice dish OF
ice cream with sponge cake?"
"WeBl, you know best dear. Maybe it
would be better" she placidly replies.
After they walk few blocks in quiet
contemplation of anticipated pleasure,
she stops sudden and says: sBut Al
fred, lido really believe we are two min
nes; why, there is no ice cream saloon
on the road home"
"Ain't there ?" he says in feigned sur
prise, and adds, "Well, it's really too
bad, but it'can't be helped now, pet, :"
and there is mild light OF the unjust
as he says Pittsburgh Chronicle