Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-12-31
A Dakota Blizzard.

over from dissipated patrimony, was
at the Headquarters Hotel yesterday
afternoon on his way up the valley
looking up line Of land investments.
He wanted to be introduced to some
active Dakotian. The boys steered
him onto old Bill Jones and friend
who had just come in from taking a
sun-bath on the platform looking for
pilgrims on the incoming trains. They
sized up the wise man from the east,
as the clerk introduced them, for the
old blizzard story.
The stranger opened the ball with: {:
"Awl | am glad to meet you. Must
be rather a cold country out here, |
should sayi"
"Well, yes, purity burned cold here
now, and l reckon we'll get blizzard
before long
"a blizzard Aw! What's biz
zard ?"
"What! Didn't you never see a
blizzard? No? Well, be burned,
Hank" turning to comrade, "here's
a fellow as never saw blizzard" /"
He continued: 81 have, though, an
I'll tell ye about it. A feller'll get
up some morning and he'll think it a
fine day. The sun will be shinin' and
ten to one he'll take a drive in the
country, and that's just what the cuss-
ed thing wants. Long about noon
it'll git little hazy around the sun
and purity soon the sky'll git kinder
black around the edges, like feller's
eye that got spoilt in sluggin'-match,
but it'll be all quiet, and the windll
60 sneakin' along as though it was
'fraid O scarin' somebody, an the sky
will get a little darker round the
edges, S if it was goin' to put on
mournin'. And you'll get a-scait and
wonder if it's goin' to snow. An then
the stinkin' wind will hold its breath
till you git away from any house or
everybody gets out of his hole, an
then the darn thingll begin.
BLOW It'll blow a horse right
out of the harness and shake a cutter
over the prairie at the rate of a mile
a mint. And then you've got to be
mighty careful to keep your hat on
or it'll blow you bald-headed in less'n
no time. Beats a Sioux Indian on
the war-path for raisin' hair. That's
the reason there are so many bald
headed men in Dakota-that an lyin'
bout thee country. An, by gosh
it'll blow your clocs right off you,
too, and then your deader than an
icicle. You have to strap 'em on.
Nobody goes outdoors in Dakota
without some straps in his pockets.
Then you'll think it is getting cold,
but you won't know how cold it is till
you pull out yer whisky bottle an
find it frozen solid, especially if it's
Dakota whisky. Beats all how little
cold Dakota liquor can stand. Then
first thing you know it'll begin snow
in. Oh, the snowll come from every
where. Seems like the ground snow
ed, and you'll think your in the mid
die of big whirlin' snow bank, an
ten chances to one you'll git all tan
gled up in the darned stuff an 60
foppin' off like thunderin' big snow
flake, and won't know nothin' till you
drop down somewhere in Minnesota.
An that's what makes it so dry in
Dakota. 1t SHOWS 'nough there, but
I'll be cussed if the stuff ever touches
the ground till it gets to Minnesota.
If a man gifts out Of one of them
billiards he'll have to carry his own
corpse out. Won't nothin' keep the
snow out 'cept buffaler skin, an it'll
wear that out in half an hour.
81 got caught in one of them an
thought I wuz dead man sure, but
got out by the durnedest luck you ever
see. l was big cuss then, weighed
250 pounds, but l was awful scarf an
felt myself a shrinking under thar
blasted cold-you know contracts, as
we used to say at school-until | was
mt bigger'n gopher. Well, as /
was gropin' my way round on the
prairie l put my foot in badger hole,
was that shrunk, all but my boots,
an they was too big an stuck on the
outside an KEEP the snow out. Well,
/ stayed there till the wind quit howl
in, and then / crawled out an went
home to Jimtown, where / lived
They thought was lost, an when L
tole 'em who l was they laughed at
me, said / waz'n imposter an druv
me out Nv the country. No, sir, don't
want any more billiards in mine,
becher life. I'd rather be in an open
claim shanty 'longside the north pole
or in h with my back broke.
"Well, skuse me, stranger" con-
cluded the Dakotian, 81 must 60 !;
come Hank" nudging his partner,
"did you see that tenderfoot's eyes |?
Thought they'd drop into his mouth.