Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-08-06
NASBY.
Mr.. Nasty Reads "Harper's Weekly and
Has n Dream Over it.
TFrOm Toledo B1ade-l


Confederit x Roads witch is in the
State Nv Kentucky, Joon, 20, 1884.
Since Harper's Weekly hez joined
hands with the Corners and becum
trooly Dimekratic, L determined to en-
curridge it, and we made up puss and
subscribed For one copy, wich bubbles
it's cirkelashen in the Corners. Eff its
cirkelashen will bubble everywhere the
Harpers Will hev accomplished their
purpus, and will come back permanent
ly to the Dimocrisy wich they left in
1861, after thew cut orr the South
from the trade and the Republicans re-
foozed to hev any paper wich carica-
toored the goriller Linkin.
The fust number we reserved con-
taned cartoon based upon the story
NV Virginia and her father Virginius.
l he'd great deal Nv trouble to
make the Corners understand the
meanin NV the pikter. I he'd to tell
them that Virginia was the dawter Nv
Roman effise1, a sort nv Briggadeer-
General, ez it were; that the Emperor
wuz IN love with her, and wuz bound
to hev her anyhow; that the gal wuz in
love with another Teller; and the En-
peror, to git her, he'd one Nv his favorits
trump up story that she wuz RELY
his slave; and that sneekin cuss brot
the girl afore the Emperor, who Nv
course gave Judgment in favor Nv the
sneek-the pint bein to git the gal
away from her father and lover, when
she wood be immeiitly turned over to
him; that, when judgment was rem
dered, the father, to save the gal from
falliD into the hands Nv the tyrant,
snatched knife from butchers stall
and killed her.
Deekin Program remarkt that it wuz
a shameful waste Nv property; that IN
the good old days in Kentucky likely
gal like that wood bring 81 800 in Moo
Orleens.
Then [ went on to show that, in the
pikter, Virginia, the innosent gal, stood
for the Republican party that the crooel
Emperor wich wuz agoin to take her
anyhow wuz Blame, and that Virginius,
the father Nv the gal, wich wuz KILN
the virgin to prevent her from fallin in
20 the hands Nv Blame, wuz the indie
pendent Republican party, made up
mostly Nv Harper's Weekly and Mast,
the artist, witch I now lilly respect.
They Pretended to understand it, but
they didn't It amt classikle alloshens
that ketch the Corners. They don't
know much about Virginius, but list
invite EN- over to Bascom's That they
comprehend. My constituents must
be appealed to mostly thro the bowels.
After exhaustin myself tryin to ex-
plain the pikter, / went to bed and
dreemed. The pikter was fresh in my
mind. Their wuz the Independent Re-
publikin, labeled Independent Repub-
hkin, soft 700 cooden't make any mis-
take; there wuz Virginia, the handsome
gal, labeled, 'Repubikin party" soft
700 cooden't make any mistake about
that; and ther wuz the Emperor la
beled "Blane," soft you cooden't make
any mistake about him. Mr. Mast has
to label all his pikters now, since he
has jined the Democrisy.
To begin with, it wuz all in the dreem
jist as it wuz in the pikter. Blame
rushed forrerd to seeze the Republican
party, and the Independent party, Mr..
Curtis, seezed the gal, and drawd her
to one side, and waved the butcher
knife aloft, and wuz agoin to strike.
Their wuz immeiitly a tremenjus
change from the pikter. The damsel
standin for the Republican party wuzn't
a shrinkin gal at all, but she was tall,
strappin, splendidly proporshened fe-
male with muscle onto her And the
independent voter wuzn't a hardy
soljer, with legs like the cedars of Leb-
anon and muscle like blacksmith.
but.he WASH thin-leggid, narrer- chested,
long haired, sallow-faced dude, with
his hair partid in the middle, He wuz
leanin' on the gal instead NV the gal
9anin' on him, and the moment he
quit leanln' onto the gal mis- knees
knocked together and it was with great
diffikilty that he stood alone. He wuz
so week without his material support
that he had to ketch onto a Southern
Dimocrat witch stood neer to keep on
his feet at all, and the shadder of the
Southern Dimocrat hid him from NOR
tai view. He wobbled.
The order Nv things ez wuz set down
in the pikter wuzn't observed at all.
Their wuz variashen different from
wat the Independent voter expected
The fair damsel, the Republican
party, suddenly developed a great deal
Nv muskeler power and considable
will of her own. She riz to her full
hite and fetched the Independent dude
one under the ear that sent him in one
direckshun and the knife another, and
then she jumped onto the two of EN-,
and KEEP iumpin on EN- till Mr.. Mast
didn't know whether he wuz Mast or
Curtis, and Mr.. Curtis was in great
doubt whether he wuz Curtis or Mast.
Hevin finished the independent party,
she rushed over to Blame, and, thrown
herself in his muskeler arms, reposed
there confdinly and ez quietly ez any
wen-behaved young female ever did in
the arms Nv her ownest.
The Independent party ariz and sed:
"Look here, this isn't the way it is, at
all. Yoo must permit me to kill 700 to
save yer honor, 700 know. Eff 700
don't, wat becomes Nv me and Harper's
Weekly? This won't do at ALL Fall
10. A