Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1884-05-30
JOAQUIN MILLER.
Protests Against the Bad Air and
Worse Manners Of Congress.
Slam! Slam! Bang! !-"Two-for-F Five,
In the HOuse-Can't They
Stop Splttlngs-A
Question,
tJoaquin Mlller's hIngton Letter,

Mr.. Speaker! Mr.. Speaker! Five,
ten, on their feet ! Clap! clap! clap!
slam bang !crack A short fat man
with split voice nearly smashes his
desk with a book in a wild and desper.
ate effort to catch the speakers eye.
He caught, his ear at least. The split
voice begins squeaklng something
which / can't hear. People pouring in;
people pouring out; dozens OF doors;
dozens Of members moving about,
loaing here, loaing there-the most
ungainly attitudes ever seen outside OF
a Bowery bar room. The hundred or
two in their seats, with about ten ex-
ceptions. are all sitting askew Why,
if the boys in an Oregon district school
should loaf in. their seats as these
members of congress do, their every
back would come In contract with some
portion of nearest hazel patch before
the going down of the sun.
Pbew! What air A dull, heavy
headache and sense of seasickness.
What can be the trouble? And I see
the few remaining ladies' are leaving
the gallery, pale and precipltately. A
few men remain scattered around the
great circle. The largest half OF those
remaining are negroes. The negroes
are good sitters here. Maybe it is be-
cause they can endure the bad air
without becoming nauseated.
Clap! clap! clap! roar! I write 1t
down that it is the weakest and most
worthless member here who makes the
most noise. | note that there are at
this moment seventeen members hang
ing upno and loafng conspicuousIy
about the speakers desk.
As the eyes of the visitors are all the
time directed toward the speaker, this
is good place to be seen. notice
one massive elephantine old member,
with a tremendous shock of gray hair
speeding out like an old mop is
clutching fast to the speakers desk with
both hands, as if he was wrecked at
sea and the speakers desk was sort
of chickencoop.
Horrors did not see it at first, for
one looks at the speakers and the
heart Of the house. But the whole
edge of the corral is a sort ofsmother-
ing smoking volcano; smoking
chewing. reeking, drunken and de.
bauched ragged edge. / now under
stand why the ladies left. Ah! yes, l
am a smoker; but there is time to
smoke. l never smoke in a church or
a temple. And sucn cigars as these,
of the cheap Bowery order, no man of
any sense or sensibility will smoke at
all How do you know they are two
for-fves 2"
Well | know this that man who is
low enough and mean enough to smoke
here is too mean to smoke any other
kind that "two-for.fves."
Gentlemen of congress, let IL; i'm
plore you to pay S cents apiece in the
name of pure air and the great Ameri-
can eagle, and let the ladies remain to
watch your graceful postures on the
floor. Seriously, this temple of liberty
was established and reared here at
great cost. These walls were once
blackened ruins. A British soldier
once sat in the speakers chair and COM
mand the destruction of this temple OF
liberty. So you see it was not estab-
lished without great cost and many
battles. Why, its every stone is laid in
blood and cemented by patriots
slnews. These walls have re.echoed
the >eloquence of giants. The Kings
of thoughts have trod these marble
floors, And yet you spit ali over them.
You smoke, you swagger, you swear
like band of debaucked sailors.
Now. do you know what would do
weie speaker. and one of those
leering loafels of ragged edge came
smoking his way across the floors? II
would refuse TO 60 on until the insolent
chap and the nasty member and the
two 'for-hve" cigars were both carried
out. Aye. even / member and one
OF these creatures came smoking in
and about where l was trying to do
the woIK of the country sent me upon,
should Immediately move an adjourn
ment till the fellow finished his "two-
for-five" or was taken out by the ser
geantat-arms.
OF course it is to be admitted that
these roughs of the ragged edge are
only accidents " And / am the last
man to hold the house responsible for
hese noisy, reeking accidents" who
lang about the edge of the great, hon.
,st earnest body of it. And know
,ery well that few if any, of them have
he wit to ever get back again. But if
hese pass unrebuked, others as wick
ID and worthless will follow. And
ne fact that these are here for only one
erm should not excuse them. Nor
hould it make those who respect
themselves or their high positions ex-
use them one whit. 1t will do those
accidents" no harm to have good
nanners and respect his country, even
hough they are to be remanded to
rivate life,