Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1884-02-22
FLOATING FUN.

Talking Texan-'There goes man
that's taken nine hvesln Astonished
stranger-"Is that so. Who'd he killr
7. The killed a cat
To deacon, caught by minister
coming out of a saloon, there is moth
ing so consoling as a sign, Hot beef
tea, " on the window.
Did the deceased, {" asked the coro-
ner, sententiously, of the rural wit
ness. Did the deacon die under sus-
picious circumstances ." Nav, he
didn't, he died in the water, under
the ice"
One wouldn't think there was any
point of resemblance between an I'M
successful operate performance and
a pancake, but there is. They both
fall fiat
a married woman says that her
husband used TO rave over her before
marriage. Now he only raves at her
Young man, never marry the girl
who will elope with you. The WON
an who has sufficient will to elope
generally has the determination that
will make her the head of the fam
lily.
did you ever think what you
would do if you had Rotschild's in
conner said Seedy to Harduppe. mo,
but | have often wondered what
Rothschild would do if he had my in
come.
Said the guard of slow-going
train to an impertinent traveller:
mo, you are right, we are not good
at annIhilating space on this line,
but we do manage to kill a good deal
of time.
Clerks who shovel snow off the side
walks are splendid mathematicians.
They can calculate within the six
teenth of an inch where their employ
ers' sidewalks end and the neighbors
begin.
A Vermont woman who had just
had the mumps says she hopes to
gracious she will never have to go
through such an experiences again.
For two whole weeks she hasn't been
able two jaw her husband or let out a
single neighborhood secret; awful
martyrdom.
A reporter asked a Chinaman if he
expected to marry. The wicked
heather made answer: me malleel
No sir. Malice no fuRnee; blette
funnee single man, allie same Mclean
man.
A New York restaurant offers a pie
and piece of poetry for ten cents.
If fhn fol-. - I@,,I1o
the poetry will floor him every time.
P. S. 1t will not be out of place to
state that the resaaturnt man is also
the junior partner of an undertaking
firm
1t was Boston clergyman who re
Gently impressively remarked that
men thought all others mortals but
themselves" and he added with con
siderable solemnity that "they fire
quently looked in the newspaper fol
the record of the deaths of friends and
acquaintance, but never thought OF
looking in the papers for the an
nouncement of their own decease.
A party of Baptist clergymen were
bluefshing off Martha's Vineyard the
other day. a question arose as te
whether certain specimen was really
a bluefish, 1--WE call 'em Baptists,
said native fisherman. The Baptis
clergyman rather eagerly asked why
"Cause they spoile so soon after they RI
taken out o. the water"
An effort is being made in New
York to have church bells silenced
A man who attends dog fight or {
smuggling match on Saturday night
and doesn't get into bed until 2 O'Clock
Sunday morning, naturally dislike:
to have his SAUNDERS disturbed by the
changing of church bells few hours
later.
There are no oaths in the Chinese
language. When a Chinaman has
his legs knocked from under him by q
boy on a clipper, he probably hurrie:
home and slams the door with thun
dering emphasis. There must be
some way to give vent to his feelings.
A priest visited a coachman who
was seriously i'll. "Have you the
habit of going to the chulch?n II car
not say that have" said the coach
man in feeble voice; "but l have
driven great many persons there"
At theater in Dsblin gentleman
requested a man in front of him to sit
down, adding sareastically, Il suppose
that you are aware sir, that You are
not opaque" 81 shall sit down when
it suits me, was the response, land il
you want to handle my name mind
it's not Opaque at all, but 0 'Brien.
Here" said an excited man enter
ing grocery store, what kind of 6
chicken was that you sent to my
house? 1t certainly wasn't the one
ordered" Great Scottw exclaimed
the grocer, "if that boy hasn't made
another mistake. He went and gave
you one of those gutta percha ones
that we keep especially for boarding
houses. Did the paint boil off"