Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1884-07-09
WASHINGTON LETTER.
How Carpct-Bigger Wins Windy Inn,
mortality lie SETS a Windmill
On the Summit Of the Capitol Poe's RAJ
ven and the Air Pump,
How to "Raise the Wind. and Rise In
the World Tho Fourth.

Special Cor.asroudence of tho Gazette.
WASHINGTON, July 5.--Thes air in
hailed by congressman, when the
house is in session, is pumped into the
capaclous and gorgeous apartment
through a tunnel opening on the low
plain near the tase of Capitol
hill. "A sort Of pontine
marsh once sent up villainous
exhalations from this plain and into
the canal that drained 1t drunken de.
bauchees, who frequented les malsons
de joie that lined Maryland avenue,
used to fall. Whether all were fished
out antiquarinns of the Smithsonian
have not reported. But exhalations
from this Gehenna supply the lower
house with breath, and therefore the
offensivepess, perhaps, of MANY
speeches delivered in that illustrious
body. There Is a carpet-bag
Republican member Of congress from
Mississippi named Jefiords, who mi
grated into that unhappy state from
the Northwest. He attended the Re
publican Chicago convention and there
''struck oil" He found in Chicago a
sort of windmill used in blowing
sharings out of n planning machine es.
tablishment. 1t Is very like the fan
that forces air into an iron-molder's
furnace. The learned and eloquent
Jeffords saw at glance that
wind instrument that would
ventilate y saw-mill could stand the
racket of the house and he brought the
innocent owner of the aerial pump and
windmill to Washington, and in the
last two days of the session, while the
members were absolutely stupetied and
asphyxiated by hot, foul gases. pumped
into the capitol from the Hats and
from the salons Of Maryland avenue,
Jeflords passed his resolution in
structing the architect Of the great
| building to crown its sunlit, beautiful
summit with the Chicago wind
| mill and air pump. The
once and Gods air currents are to be
overted and a great atmospheric col
umn is to be driven down ward through
great plpes into the body of the house
and when congress sits in December
old Boreas coming down from the
North pole will be captured 10y JEFF
fords' windmill and made to stand on
end and dance hornpipes among the
legs and desks of the members of the
house. Jeflords isn't speech-maker.
He hasn't opened his mouth
on the floor, though he may
have printed supposed speech
but Mr.. Jefiords will live In history as
the rival of him who first drew light.
ming from the skies. of him who
memorialized congress in behalf of a
balloon in which, when among the
clouds, dynamite was to be electrically
exploded to shake rain drops from the
air as dew drops from fearful roseleaves
Mr.. Jeffords, in fact, will outrival In
song and story st. Cecilia. of whom II
is recorded:
Let old Timotheus yield the prize.
Or both divide the crown;
He raised n mortal to the skies.
| She drew an angel down.
But .Ieffords, greatly fear, in ena ct
ing the role of st. Cecilia in Decem
Der, will "freeze out" IL he forced
cold water down into the house, already
full of hot and uncleau water, the tive
volumes of fluid would mix chenli.
cally, and Jefiords will find the atmos
phere governed by the same law. la
| fact he should reverse the action of his
capitoline pump. and instead of fore.
ing fresh air into the house he should
only see that the foul air Is pumped
out. Natures laws will fill
the vacuum with purity. When
nature discharges this task cold air Is
heated as it enters; but Jeilords will
send down cold columns atd blasts
from his dizzy windmill that will
freeze the bones and kill with coldt
those now stupefied by the inhalation
OF carbonized atmosphere.
But the job Is done and there may bt
money in it and ! congratulate tn,
windmill manufacturer OF Chicago, anG
as well those who sought to give graceful
outlines to the dome and roof of thu
capitol. A wind mill on its SUNNI
and great suction pump and J effords
and steam engine running thu
hideous machine, will enable Dor
Piatt to write additional and fascinat
ing chapters in his history of til,
Gave of the Winds"
GEN PORTER.
No act OF President Arthur has heer
harshly criticised. An elegant Eng
lish, and in nothing an Amer
lean, gentleman either in ex
terror adernments or mutton
chop whiskers, the outgoing presi
dent had won the people simply by hi
straightforward honesty and conser
John Porter bill he was surely unwise
even If not most unjust, as h,
had already RENTED the pen
atty incident to Porter's al
legged offense, and now, because
LOgan's partisan and personal necessi
ties demand 1t, the president lend
the weight OF his name TO the mainte
nance Of Lopan's semblance Of right.
The city was evacuated yesterday
by everybody except impatient con
gressmen, who must get away to Chi