The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-02-13
COMIC COMMENTS.

The Mormon question: Dearest, wiz
you join my aggregation Rost0se Tran
script.
g always take things easy" soliloquized
the pickpocket as he gently distracted
watch.
Territorial Governors contend that ths
entertainment of Eastern visitors eats up
the average salary of $4,000.
Uncle Sam advertises G Wanted "A
skillful divorce lawyer to take a contract for
q wholesale Job out in Utah" AtI
Baltimore set up charity woodward
where tramps could earn living, on Mon
day On Tuesday there was not a tramp
left in the city.
In 1916 there were no postage stamps in
the United States. q Children were ickeA
and put in the corner, instead says sad
eyed man by our side.
young man in Kansas wanted to teach
school, but couldn't tell horizontal from
| perpendicular, and when asked what cir.
eulnrn was, said it was fur-ined cloak.
Cheeky Passenger Any fear o. my dis
goin' near the compass Y Captain" Oh
no, sir. Brass has no effect ON it whatever
cir"
Miss viii was married to Mr.. Shall in
Ailegan County, Mich, recently. The
Won't will appear in the family when Mrs.
Shall, nee VIII, is aaked to get up and
kindle the fire. 80 a
During the war the colonies of Missis-
sipppi were reduced to 500, but such Is the
recuperative force of the race and climate,
that the State now possesses, or is possessed
by, more than | 100.
Query :" You s-see," said Blooms to
his sweetheart, in describing how he STEP
ped on lady's train and tore it, OF l-lost
my h-head, you know p Did Won miss il
much ?" she cruelty queried 3eiai
And yet one wonders at crime II am
going to plant my foot down, said the lady
OF the house in wrathful tones. g What
yer going to raise corns?n Intercepted
the man of the house from behind his ma
per.
Poor George: Mrs. Brown" Why, 1
thought Washington was dead.n Mr.. B.:
And so he is he died before the Centen
NAL" Mrs. B." Why, see here in til.
paper n heading General washingtos
Dispatches. ~
The Cincinnati Commercial Gazette thinks
the rate of newspaper postage ~ per 100
pounds is tax on knowledge. Yes, and
considering the limited amount of knowl-l
dye III some newspapers it's mighty big
tax,-Nil,oautee Sentinel
!" Yes remarks traveller, when a
man is in Rome he should do as Romans
TO. Now, when am in New York, to be
in style, always instruct the barber TO
part lay hair IN or near the middle whom
in Chicago on one side; in Omaha, under
one carr end on farther West, into the
wilds of thS Rockies and the Pccs0s Coast.
don't have it parted at ALL
Now said the irate ineSaer to Aef
family of one boy and four girls, who had
been misbehnving themgelyes, |" am going
to Whip you all, aud she seized on Jimmie
10 receive the first installment of the chas.
tisement :" Mother" said Jimmie, ladies
! AAop, "ant 10. iHo oiN WIZ 81 StfucN
Aith this application of her own instruction.
that she did not strike any of the children,
but let them off that time.
Washington correspondent, who seems
10 be familiar with the subject writes of
the bowl which cheers and inebriates,
tears your clothes all tc pieces, wastes your
money, pawns your overcoat and loses your
Umbrella, besides bringing you into familiar
contact with loafers, brutal policemen and
ignorant cads, who wouldn't presume to adj j
dress you with their hats ON if You vera
sober, clean, and in your right mind" =.
Hercdity Do you believe in the law
Of hereditary transmission ~ asked a gen.
tleman of Mr.. Popperman. 6 do, most
decidedly. | can cite remarkable in
stance of it. My great grandfather had a
positive squirt in mis- eye. My grandfather
squinted SO did my father, and this opti-
cal pecularity has descended into my own
family.p '"Oh, you must be mistaken Mr.
Popperman you don't squint. I" Nor
g Nor your little girl.' No. Nor
your little boy" "No. But my wife
does y .t3str n 1sfl ~ sfaasfii
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