Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-05-15
MISSING LINKS.

| = oC0etI 1GapIuS 6UltOP wants any
young lady who 'jumps at conclus-
ions to consider him a conclusion.
Philadelphia refuses to admit wom-
en- to the bar, but the saloons will see
to them If they bring a pitcher to the
gate.
"Wherc would we be without WON
an!" asks writer. We would be all
right; but the little pug dog-where
would it be?
The first steamship of the first direct
line between tie United States and
Sweden is now on her way here from
Stockholm.
According to the local newspaper
Senator Hale's new house at Ellis
worth, Me-, Islands in a 20O-acre lot
ana Will be an ornament to the city"
George Mayo, the champion orator
OF Lawrence University, Kansas,
stole half bis piece from Colonel A.
K. McClure's grafton at Dickinson
College, Pennsylvania, in 1878. Mayo
was expelled.
A little girl In town was trying to
tell her mother how beautiful a GER
tain lady could trill in singing, and
said, "Oh, mamma, you ought to hear
her gargle, she does it SO swcetly."
MA" " said bright little boy, lis
it naughty to kiss?" mo my son, it
isn't naughty. "Then, ma, what
made our servant girl call pa a nasty
mean thing when he kissed herr"
The boy hasn't got an answer to his
last question yet but, gracious, didn't
his dad catch it when he came home!
The Black Watch Highland Regi
ment landed in New York in 1850.
and marched to Albany, aud were in
the IIconderoga expedition under
Abercrombie. In the storming of Tt
conderoga they suffered terrible loss
eighteen officers, nine sergeants,
and 279 soldiers killed, and seventeen
officers, ten sergeants, and 305 soldiers
wounded.
A cure for spring fever which works
expeltently with a man is to have a
young woman with her features con-
cealed by veil speak to him on the
street He'll forget all about being
tired and follow her miles if neces.
sary to catch glimpse of her face.
An Irish bride regards it as an i'll
omen to rise before the sun on her
wedding day. Her husband may in
terrose no objection to.sach supersti-
ton on that day, but after marriage
he regards it an ill-0men if she does
not rise before the sun and wrestle
with the fire and the breakfast.
There are now 10000 bicycles in
use in America. AS there are about
one million chanches for accidents,
and two legs to each bicyle, the medi-
cal profession will pan out just 2, 0OO,-
900 per cent. better this year than or
dinarily
Gan eye for an eye and a tooth for
tooth" was good old Bible doctrine,
but at the present day it is an eye for
$40 and tooth for SO cents.
Mr.. Blowers wife asked hum to buy
a thermometer the other day, but he
declined, saying: "No, my dear, we
will wait until next winter when they
will be much lower"
The Cincinnati papers, ia speaking
of Berner and the riots, call the Grim
inal a 'base-Berner," and say that
the fellow who pr opposed the destruct-
ion Of the courthouse yelled Lets
Berner." Il viii be impossible to pre-
vent outbreaks as long as the news
papers fire off such atrocious puns.
The announcement that a woman
had been hugged by bear in Mon
tana, caused a big crowd of Massa-
chusetts maidens to start for the
West. 1t is perhaps needless to re-
mark that the bears have taken to the
woods. The prospect was past bear
ing.
The average political stumper is
now putting his throat and lungs
through a severe coarse of training.
He is also hardening his conscience
with clubs and dumb bells, so that
the statement of his ''facts" will not
make him blush nor turn pale. In a
few months he will draw on the cam
palgn fund and take the field.
A man in South Carolina recently
found that drawing a chalk mark
around a barrel of sugar made it i'm
pregnable to ants, and then he
got mad when the Patent Office re-
fused to grant him a patent for the
discovery.
The new imperial palace at Stras-
burg is to be completed in three years
at a cost of $1.250, 900. 1t seems
preposterous piece of extravaganza,
as the Emperor has dozen palaces
already.
John Hogan, who could not read
or write, died near Columbia, S. c.,
on pile of straw He had 81, 900 in
green backs in his belt, and owned
SIS, 900 worth of real estate-all got
by hard work.
Chinatown, in Sacramento, had
sensation recently over the abduction
of a young female Celestial, valued
at 81, 500. The officers finally recov-
cred the girl, who had been carried to
| the out skirts of the town in clothes
basket.
The bridal veil originated in the
custom of performing the nuptial
ceremony under a square piece of
cloth, held over the bridegroom and