Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-02-22
FUN

PREACHING AND PRACTICE.-'See
here, Mr.. Blank, what are you going out
tonight for ?'' asked Mrs. Blank, with
threatening look.
big political meeting tonight" ex-
planned Mr.. Blank, alphabetically.
Political meeting, eh ?" echoed Mrs.
Blank. You have been going to political
meetings every night for five weeks, and
if it had not been for me you would have
worn your boots to bed every time"
but just think how nice it would be if
1 should get nominated for something
Think of the loads of money could rake
in and the nice furniture and new clothes
and sealSkin sacques and"
''That will do" interrupted Mrs. b.;
81 have heard that story before. You
made speech last night at ward meet
ing, see."
Yes" responded MI. B., with par
donabie pride.
''And see by the two or three line no.
tice of it in the newspaper that the burden
of your remarks was the office should seek
the man AMI not tie man the Office Now,
you just take off that overcoat; sit right
down, and if any office comes along and
knocks l will let it in.''
He SAT. PHILADELPHIA Call.
We are told that nothing was made in
vain; but how about the fashionable girl?
[ sn't she maiden vain ?
That "tired, sinking feeling" which
medical men speak of is usually expert
enced by people who fall overheard from
boat and can't swim.
A Baltimore girl who called for pair
of ear-mutfs was indignant when the
clerk went and hauled down couple of
fur circulars. and told her they didn't
have any half sizes,
lis it cold, Mary ?" Eyes. ma'am, it's
very cold.' Then murmured the mistress
to herself: Then | WORT have to put OF
but very little rouge. The cold air will
give my cheeks a rosy flush while Pm cut
prOmenading.
II would like to leave the country
said man, "but nearly every body owes
me and [ won't leave GA that occount."
II would like to leave,'' replied AN &C.
quaintance, but owe nearly every body
aud l can't leave On that account
"What are you doing?' asked board
ing house man of his chum as be caught
him tp.oeing up and down stairs. Pm
going to get married next month"; was
the solemn reply, land l am practcing
how to get in late at night without rails.
Jig a racket
II am respectable citizen, said vic
tim to police judge, 81 am editor of
puzzle department" That will do" re-
sponded the Judge. ut is unnecessary
to 60 on with your trial, for by your own
confession you play the limit. Pass him
back.''
An irresistible desire came over Har-
risburg man to kick his daughters beau,
and forgetting that he had but one leg,
he attempted it. He sat down so hard
that his head had to be pulled out of his
neck by his hair.
waiter, bring me eleven raw oysters.''
1--WE DON'T give eleven sir; we give six or
twelve" mo, twelve would never dc;
We should be thirteen at tablet
Suggestive: John had died. s'Oh, poor
John!" sighed his wife. Hell never be
troubled by cold feet again.
Mrs. Murphy: "Och, it's awful, Their
paypul what's buried aloive! If be liv-
ing wbin IN dead, Pat, don't be afther
burying me aloive!''
A burglar who has told Boston paper
the secrets of his trade says that Of all
things he most fears woman s voice. He
is evidently married.
The proper feature at stylish weddings
now is to serve pieces of the bridal cake
in neat little boxes. At the end OF two
days the bit of cake can be used as slung-
shot.
A local paper tells of silver wedding
in Bodie, Cal, where "Dr. Rogers, in a |
thoughtful mood. contributed a bottle of |
bay-rum, believing that the groom would |
need something with which to battle his |
head"
A man in Violinia, Mich, pays $500 |
tax this year-sixty cents on his house and |
lot and So on his dog. Why doesn't he |
sell the house or burn it down Such |
extravaganza is reprehensible.
''Yes, John is little wild, and 1 am |
somewhat afraid Of him, but he g got
good run of trade and we can't discharge
him very WE'LL" Tell you what let's do.
Take him into the firm, and I guess he'll !
be glad to get out in less than six
months"
Having made his will Mr.. Barnum was
lately asked il he thought he would go to
heaven when he died. "Well, don't see
why not,'' was the characteristic reply of |
the great advertiser. II think I have the
best show on earth.''
To put coal in poor mans cellar now
is better christianity than to put tracts in
his hand. 1t is far better to give him a
chance of warming himself here, than to
promise him unlimited heat hereafter.
The papers are telling of an Ohio man
who set three different dates for his mar
ut 6,oIlu cuoooodod IN M OBJ prr bic