The Mineral argus., 1884-06-26
SOME CHURCH CHARACTERS.
Burdetts Points Out who and what They
Are

"This," said the returned missionary
to the poor heather whom he had brought
over, lis a church."
And the poor heather admired the
church. By and by he asked:
"Who is the fatman with the big watch
seal, who looks at the churches as though
he thought some of putting on a $50
bay window and raising the rent $500 a
year?"
"This is a trustee" said the returned
missionary"
"He does most of the praying, L sup
poser" said the poor heather, who, in
his blindness, knows very little about
the way we do these things.
"No," said the returned missionary,
"he doesn't believe in praying; he is a
Bob Ingersoll man and he believes that
nobody doesn't know nothing and that
they know that he knows that they
knows he knows they don't. He is not
a member OF the church, but he is a
good, clear-headed business man, good
manager, on real estate deals, and so he
is a trustee. Doesn't take very much of
a Christian to be a trustee, except in
the country. In town a church only
wants a good business man for trustee.
"And who is the man who stands in
the door and glares at the people as
they pass in and tries to keep them out?'
asked the poor heather.
"That is the SEXTON" replied the
missionary. "He dosent believe in
opening the church for religious service
of all. He says the church was built to
have swell weddings in, and that fol
preaching and prayer meetings anc
other side shows of that nature the
trustees should hire a hall"
"Who is the very young man who
pushes people out of the way that he
may have more room to pass in, and
stoops very low as he enters the 20-foo
door, and sits directly under the steepl'
lest he should strike his head when h
stands up?"
"That," said the returned missionary
sis the new superintendent of the Sun
day school. They are all that way a
first. BY and by, when he has forgottel
every line of his beautiful speech, whel
there are distinguished strangers pre-
sent, when he has started the wronI
tune to an entirely strange hymn, an
corrected himself by striking the RICH
tune on a key so high that the chimes c
Normandy couldn't ring second bass t
, it; when he has fiunked, fair, squar
and outright, on the first 10 question
, in his question box, he will know les
T by a ton than he does now, and be
good, useful, earnest and humble supel
, intendent. He's only young and new
ike an August p~ersimmon."
!, cher comes the owner of the church
! the poor heather said. HE looks
/ though he had decided to make pen
! mican of the sexton and trustee, and n
hold any service to-day"
q "No, that is not exactly the owner
the church." the returned missional
4 said "that is the leader of the choir"
v "Who is that meek, timid little ma
who is Il trying to creep in without lettir
q the sexton see him, and who has ju
taken off his hat to the leader of Il
N choir?"
"Oh, that is only the pastor Of t
le church." the returned missiona
a replied. "Will you go inside?"
p And the poor heather said he woul
j. because he rather guessed, from the
re- looks, that the sexton and the leader
~ the choir had made up their minds
NJ settle that morning which of the t.
should take the church and run it.
to