Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-12-18

FEMALE TOOTH PULLERS.
How Girls Sleeve Around n Mans Neck
VIII Knock Spots Out of Laughing Gas.


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The country seems to be slowly but
surely drifting into womanhood. If
things continue to go as they have been
going for the past two years, future
grammarians will have license for
swearing that the world belongs to the
feminine gender. Everybody is getting
to be female. government offices, stem
ographic positions, attorneys, physi-
clans, BARRIERS, and woman, the glori-
Gus creation and embodiment of all
that costs money, has at last stepped
boldly into the dentists Office and Of
fcred to trade off 100000 worth of
pain for fifty cents spot cash.
If more women adopt the practice of
dentistry, there will be less howl feat
ing about the '.home of the brave and
land of the Free than there is just at
present. 1t is very strong-willed man
indeed, who refrains from letting off
confederation of wall from the time
he strikes the bottom stair of a tooth
pulling factory, until the dentist stands
over his senseless remains, flourishing
his jaw and a fragment of the tooth in
the air, demanding dollar and half
for his kindness for not pulling the
whole front of his head off. People who
live next door to a dentist, and are
obliged to go down to the boiler factory
when they want to enjoy some sleep,
can testify to this.
Woman will put more bravery into
the frame of man than any other ne
gotiable article in the country, except
ing, perhaps, poor whisky. Man in
the presence of man is weak, but be-
meath the soulful and belladonnaful
eyes of woman he's stronger than a
ninety-foot derrick. We speak from
experience. From this argument then,
it will be readily seen that, where a
man should howl loud enough to hail a
ship in the Adriatic sea, when he was
having tooth pulled by man in Kali
amazoo, put woman with a force at
tachment on to the same tooth and a
fellow would hire a deaf-and-dumb
man to do the talking for him, while he
lay and quietly gazed up the sleeve of
the fair murderess, who was trying to
pull his boots off over his head.
The only objections to female dentists
are, that they are liable to render the
male portion of the population of the
United States toothless, eventually, and
that the laughing gas, ether and chlor-
oform traffic will suffer.
When fellow goes to female dem
fist, who carries fair amount of sweet
lips, pearly tooth, azure eve, peachy
cheek and sylph-like form, it is hardly
safe for friend to suggest to him that
it would be good idea to hide behind
an anasthetic, nine times out of ten he
won't know what the word means and
will accuse you of calling names, or
else he will become suspicious that you
have an idea that he isn't brave, and
couldn't set and have his lungs and
several internal equipments extracted
by woman without making some large
disturbance. Let the woman place her
left arm around fellows head and a
peculiar sensation is Immediately
bivouaced along his spine; she bends
low down, her eyelashes tickle the
cheeks of her patient; the forceps steal
into his yawning abyss, and in the ex-
element of the moment, he don't
know whether she has kissed him or
pulled his tooth. There isn't fellow
in Christendom who has got common
sense that will say that there is any
thing about laughing gas that viii
knock the feeling SO teetotally out of a
fellows makeup, as girls sleeve
around his neck and her broath playin q
over his face. Woman may usurp man,
but she is doing much to supplant
misery with pleasure. ST. Paul Her
aid.