The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-12-25

WAL10TB Life OF Hooker. Ii TIM
another name for Ixaak Walton's SCom-
plete Angler ?"-Punch.
sTHERE's nothing like leather but
the bottom crust of the railway refresh
ment-room pie resembles IL somewhat.
A SCIENTIST asserts that o bee can
only sting once in two minutes. We
would respectfully submit that this il
eftsn enough.
A YOUNG lady who was blamed for
allowing her glove TO be discovered in
q young mans pocket, stated that she
had no hand in it.
A BABY born during terrible storm
was named Cyclonia. Its father says
the appellation is q misnomer; cy-
clone doesn't howl every night.
SOCIETY in London is all disturbed
by the question whether lady should
recognize q gentleman while he is hav-
ing his boots BACKED on street corner.
BECAUSE q youngster can draw pipe,
he isn't draughtsman any more than
ne is a farmer, because he Is engaged
in sowing wild oats. Carl Pretzess
Weakly.
"CAN man be hanged twice." asks
the New York Tribune. This may be
mooted question; but some men de-
serve to be hanged twice and each
time fatally.-Ne,o York Dial
"THERE is nothing impossible to tho
determined spirit" says philosopher.
Evidently that philosopher never tried
to reach up behind his shoulder to get
hold of the end of broken suspender.
LOOK out for the girl who throws her
whole soul into q pair OF siippers-for
the bachelor parson. 1t might not be
uppermost in her mind, but we will
suggest that perhaps heel take il better
if she lets shoemaker put the sole In.
Carl PretzePs Weekly.
NEVER eat and drink at the same
time" is the advice given by q Munich
servant to fat people who wish to re-
duce their bulk. This appears to be an
underhand blow aimed at one of the
noblest of our American institutions
the barroom free lunch. Globe.
IF there is anything that will make
man cordially hate himself, it is when
he takes walk of about mile to the
postotiice to find that he has left his
keys at home, and then on going home
after them, to find on opening the box
that the only thing in it is card mott
flying him that his box-rent is due.
mo, MY FRIEND" remarked q solemn
visaged individual when invited to kiss
the wine-cup; Il drink nothing but
water. Water is the best drink ever
given to man." "Very true" replied
the other, watching the bubbles in his
glass; @but isn't it rather selfish for
man always to be wanting the best?"
A NEW YORK man, who married q
in the ninth story of an apartment
house, was heard to remark: Il used
to believe that the road to perditiou
was downward. but / don't think 80
any more. On the contrary, the higher
up go the nearer get to the hot
place.-Teras SJtings.
"ARE you fond of rowing, Miss
Smithers?" Miss Smithers is Boston
girl, and the twain were out in boat
20, very fond of it, indeed. I think il
is such lovely exercise" "Have you
Miss Smithers replied, with little
cultured cough behind her hand, Il have
ridden O great deal. "-Ne,D York Sun.
"Do you keep this same-er-cos-
tune all through the play?" asked q
young man Of pretty ballet girl in
red tights behind the scenes the other
night "Oh, mol In the next act am
entirely disguised. You wouldn't rec
ognize me-" How do you alter your
appearance II wear blue tights in
that act. "-Ne,u York Graphic.
HOSTESS Ito gentleman her husband
has brought home TO dinner )-"How
well you speak English, Mr.. -"
Mr.. - mot understanding)-"Yes;
ought to-" Hostess-@But you speak
remarkably we'll" Mr.. -: Il ought
to. have lived here all my life. In
fact, was born in New York" Hots-
ess-"Why, how strange! am sure
my husband told me that you were
Bohemian"
THE ACORN AND THE BOY.
A bright, thoughtful hoy one summer day
Planted an acorn and went hs way.
DO grew as boys and acorns can,
Till one was tree, the other man.
And the tree shelters him, as an oak tree clB-
But why stays he there In the moonlight dim?
He stole fre horse and was hung to iimbl
Boston Gtote.
LINES TO MY SPRING ovERcoAr
Thou tickle thing
Oh, could smite thee with a tongue of brass.
But woros are dumb and so-but let 1t passl
For thou art only false rs other men.
hate thee now as did love thee then,
Early last spring.
Why. false one, see
| Thou once vast warm enough for sny cline;
And mark, how short ago that sweet time
| In AUGUST last. when sunstrokes filled the sky,
| And for the lack OF other coat wore thee-ayei
Thou smothered'st mel
And now? The breath
| OF chill November makes me wish thee warm:
| Dead leaves in shiverinR eddies round me
| Thou art as cold as fsieid Greenland's SHOWS,
And every one who sees thee laughs and knows
I'll freeze to death.
Robert Burdette.
A Delicate Question.
One afternoon, as the Hon. w. @.
L