The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1884-05-09

belts 7
"what are psuscs p asked the teach
Or OF primary class. 'Thipss that
grow on eats," pipsd the small boy at
the foot.
swine talks" says the proverb and
Il 10 trse, for when . man Is full Of
liquor be can't hold anything else, not
sven his tongue.
''Is she . capable girl y said the In
fAtuated youth In answer to the ques-
tiOn /: II should say she was. Her
father must be worth At least half .
nillIon."
~ don't like this pepper" said .
man TO waiter In restaurant. "Thsre
are peas In IT," "Wby, that's nothing"
replied the waiter. Pepper is always
half ps."
An English nobleman now travelling
Ia the West has offered bis heart and
hand 10 servant girl. Perhaps he
knows what wages servant girls get in
this country, and is after her money.
| A little boy discovered. not lsng ago
that two Of his teeth were Loose. "Im
goiDg 10 look Oh. now" said be, "and
not swallow those. don't want these
sAms old tosth coming up again"
| A little four-year-old said 10 bis
mother last week "Mothsr, believe
Gsd thinks I'm dead" "Wbyr asked
the mother, somewhat astsnished At
the remark. "Causs ] haven't said
my prayers for week"
| This Is the sessen Of tho year when
the average girl comes down town
wearing veil - thick that you couldn'i
shoot bullet through il, and then geta
mad because every gentleman friend
she meets does not recognize her.
A modern philosopher thinks il is {
mistake 10 suppose that women hav,
stronger attachments than men. "A
man," be says, "is often attached 10 ar
old hat but Who ever heard Of Q wo
man being attached TO an old bonnet ?
@well. how are you to-day r ask
the doctor. my rhsumatis has gone
I rubbed my knee for an hour with you
lotion, replies the patient. "Your knee
but you sAid il was your arm" eyes
but lhs exsscise cured mo r
Ducks fy from IS 10 40 miles Al
heur. As the average express trail
goes but 40 forty miles an hour, II vii
be seen how |. IL that the ducks Away
manage 10 get away By the time th
sportsman arrives at the shootin
grouLd.
"What docs the minister say Of ou
new burying-ground ?" asked Mr.
Hines OF her neighbor. "He don
like IL all he says he never viii b
buried there as long as be lives.
"Well," says Mrs Hines, "if the LOr
!. spares my life. will"
= A school not twenty miles from LAl
caster is presided over bv crosa-sys
). teacher. A few days ago he called on
"That boy that l am looking at wi
step out on the Aoor." Immediate
\ twsnty.sevsn lads walked ont in fro'
Of the astonished Psdagogue.
N A lady, . regular shopper. who h'
made an unfortunate clerk tumbls ov
:. all the stockings in the store, sbjsct'
that.none were long enough. 81 want
- she said, "the longest hose that a
made" "Then, madame" was the T
n ply, "you had better apply at the ne
m engine house."
:, eyes, sir" said the politician to q
:. caucus manipulation, "the Office chou
seek the man, and not the man {
J.. Office" "Exactly," answered the CO
IN Gus manipulatsr. "But, in this sai
:, when the offi 90 starts out 10 seek I
= mar" eyes, SIR" II want you
fix Il 30 that will be the first man
NJ will End.
A. This conversation was overheard il
IA horse car in the days when eurls w
fashionable
ta "PlsassiMaria see il my curl is
at right"
"Gsodness gracious, Carrie, y
Il. haven't lost IL, have you T.
A general litter among the passs
=, gers was the result Of tbs last loud
!, whispered remark, which cut the
With awful distinctness as the car Cal
4 20 Q halt.
:. 81 was examining witness in q OF
4 sncs," said Emory Storrs, "and he "
;, drunk. It was about horse for viii
Il. damages were wanted by the owner
Hints for society young men. WI
you lift you hat to lady aud she pa
p 90 without recognizing you, keep I
l's hat of for a few steps and with
rk other hand give your head vigorc
he scratching. Il will drive her aim
ID. crazy to decide whether you motto
no the snub or did not see at all. RENE
at bsr it is exceedingly impolite to st
at out for an evening walk with q Ia
be without offering, her your arm. sho'
iI - l. .L:. IL 90 Iorx,s