Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-07-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A game name for petulant wife-La-
cross.
A dissipated man is apt to be dizzy
pated, also.
The duty of the hour is the tariff on
Swiss watches. .-HdWkeye.
Gross earnings The wages made by a
museum fat woman.-PhlIadelPhia Gail.
What the sewing machine said when it
skipped the stitch-Sew long g!-Iho
Judge.
An enthusiast speaks of the religion OF
the beautiful flowers. Buddhism, prob
ably y.-Boston Courier.
Baseball is taking the place of bull
fighting in Cuba. Thus does civiliza-
ton advance, step by step. Hartford
Post.
"Hard lines" muttered the tramp,
when he tried to cut clothes-rope and
found it was made of wire.-NeW York
Journal
A Burlington girl has diary devoted
entirely to noting down the visits of
her beaux. She calls it her court docket.
Free Press.
A b otel in the shape CT an elephant has
been built at Coney Island. The bag
gage of the guests will be kept in the
trunk.-Bartington Free Press.
How doth the frisky little bug
Delight to crawl and bite,
And make your limbs picnic ground,
Each blessed summer night.
Fail Riuer Advance.
An exchange says: "Great excitement
prevaIIs OidCKainuS UOuney, o---,---~--
the reported discovery of a veritable wild
weman." We suppose the woman across
the street has better looking bonnet
Boston Post
Miss Rose Eytinge says: Journalism
and the theatrical profession are united
by some very slender ties" One of
which, most fragrant Rose, is advert
There is nothing like it, we assure you.
Louisville Post.
There is young pianist in Boston who
shuts his eyes while playing. There are
lots of old warblers in every city who
would gain many new admirers if they
would shut their mouths while singing.
-NeW York Journal.
The man who owes tailor's bill
He can't afford to pay
Must be possessed of iron will
Upon sultry day;
For when he fears, despite of pride,
His tailor he might meet
He skulks along tie sunny side,
Of every crowded street
-NeU York. Journal.
A Frenchman in New York makes
dimples in the faces of all who can af-
ford that luxury. AS he has advertised
for steam drill it is safe to presume
that he has a commercial traveller for
customer. Boston Courier.
A current item says that ''the plains
OF Texas cover an area of 152, 600 acres,
on which feed $500, 900 head of cattle"
| The item does not state where the tails of
the cattle are, but whoever heard of
the tails feeding anywhere. -1eeGs
SVtings.
RULES OF CoURTsHIP.
The manly youth who would maiden WOO
Will profit if he keeps these rules in view;
Be not precipitate nor yet too slow;
Be not ashamed at a rebuff or so.
If she is unresponsive, distant, cold,
The wooer should be delicately bold;
If she is timid, diifident ami shy,
| Don't fret, she'll find more courage by-and-by.
Let not her first refusal give distress:
| A woman's no is often meant for yes
--S0meroiUe Journal.
A tramp stopped at house on Main
street the other day and asked for some
thing to eat (which do you like best, !"
asked the hired girl, "steak or chopi"
The tramp meditated minute, and then
replied Chop" "Step right this
way" said the hired girl. "Here's the
OK and there's the wood pile. "-BHttag-
~ Free Press.
HE PEELs.
The small boy stands
Beside the pool,
And with his hands
The water cool
He feels.
He fingers not,
Nor time does waste,
The weather's hot,
And with great haste
He peels
Boston Post.