Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-03-20
The Chinese God.

Il pTSSuluo IIal Snall not De accused
Of sacrilege in referring to the Chinese
god as an inferior work of art. Viewed
simply from an artistic and economical
standpoint it seems to me that the Chi
naman should have less pride in his
bow-legged and inefficient god than in
any other national institution.
| do not wish to be understood as in
terfering with any mans religious
views; but when polygamy is made
divine decree, or bass-wood deity is
whitfield out and painted red, to look
up to and TO worship, | cannot treat
that so-called religious belief with
courtesy and reverence. | am quite
liberal in all religious matters. People
have noticed that and remarked it. but
the Oriental god of commerce seems to
me to be greatly overrated. He seems
to lack that genuine decision of char
acter which should be a feature of an
over-ruling power.
ask the phrenologist to come with
me and examine the head of the alleg-
ed Josh, and to state whether or not he
believes that the properly balanced
head of a successful cod should not
have more protuberant knob of spir-
ituality, and a less pronounced aliment-
iveness. Should the bump of combat
iveness hang out over the ear, while
time, tune and calculation are notice.
ably reticent? certainly do not.
Again, how can the physiognomy of
the Celestial Josh be consistent with u
moral and temperate god? The low
brow would not indicate pronounced
omniscience, and the Jumbo ears and
the cOpious neck would not impress me
with the idea OF purity and spirituality.
1t is, no doubt, wrong to attack sa-
cred matters for the purpose of gain
ing notoriety; but / believe | am right
when / assert that the Chinese cod
must 90. We should not be Puritan
zeal, but we might safely draw the line
at the bOw-legged and sedentary god
dess of leprosy.
If COnfucius bowed the suppliant
knee to the goggle-eyed, jim-iam Josh,
| am grieved to know it. If such was
the ease, the friends of Confucius should
keep the matter from me. | cannot be-
lieve that the great philosopher waIlow-
ed in the dust ut the feet of such a
polka-dot caricature of q gorilla's hor-
rid dream.
l bought Chinese god once for four
bits. He was not successful in the pro-
fession which he claimed to follow.
Whatever he may have been in China,
he was not very successful god in the
English language. | put him upon the
mantel and the clock stopped, the SER
vant-girl sent in her resignation, and a
large dog jumped through the parlor
window. All this happened within two
hours from the time l erected the lop-
cared, knOck-kneed, and club-fOoted
Oolong in my household.
Perhaps this may have been largely
due to my ignorance of his habits.
Possibly If | had been more familiar
with his eccentricities it would have
been all right; but as it was, there was
no book of instruction given with him,
and | cOuldn't seem to make him work
During the week following the pros=
pect shaft of the New Jerusalem mine
struck a subterranean gulf stream and
waterlOgged the stock, tall yellow
dog, under the weight of q great woe,
picked out my cistern to suicide in, and
| skated down the cellar stairs on my
shoulder blades and the chronological
location known as love of home in such
ton of the earth and kick large hole
out of the bosom of the night.
| then met with a change of heart,
and overthrow the warty heather god.
and knocked him galley west. My
hens at once began to watch the pro-
duce market, and, noticing the high
price of eggs, commenced to crate
great zeal instead of standing around
with their hands in their pockets. l
saw the new moon over my right shout
der, and all nature seemed gay once
more.
The above are few of myreason for
believing that the Chinese god is either
greatly overesimated, or else shippers
and producers are flooding the market
with fraudulent gods.--BjH Nye, ll1
Puck.