The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-05-08
HUMOR.

HUMOR.
The tramp's favorite food-sbonsd"
turkey.
The true art of living is to live nat
urally.
ALWAYS behind time-the back of
the clock.
CHEwNG-GUM is made of rosin.
When girl gives her fellow hunk of
the stuff she evidently intends to "rosin
the beau. "-Ne,oman Independent.
do YOU not think 1 would make
very attractive angelo said dude with
very large ears to young lady. well,
no. she replied, pointing to his i'm
mense ears, Il think your wings are a
little too high up."-CarI PretzePs
Weekly.
MAID of Texas, ere go,
Tell me IL your clock Is slow;
For have a train TO catch,
And must quickly raise the latch
Ere dart into the night,
Tell me, is your timepiece rght2
Harkl hear the bulldogs bark,
And the night Is cold and dark.
Maid of Texas. Unjust git,
Yet, before rise and fit,
Tell me, maiden. tell me true,
What number is your papas shoe?
-Tezas Strings.
AN exchange says: "There are six
brothers in Carter County, Kentucky,
who have never used intoxicating
liquors, tobacco, or been guilty of pro-
family. The oldest is Al years old and
the youngest %" Coming, as this
item does, from Kentucky, it is sus-
pected that these brothers who never
drank whisky, swore, or used tobacco
must be without mouths or lately
moved into the State.-Peck'S Sum.
"CALIFoRNIA's great country" said
returned Forty-niner. $50 I've un-
derstood," replied home man. oh,
yes, we raise the greatest trees, the
greatest peaches, the greatest pears,
the greatest wheat crops, and the great
est bonanza kings i'll the world" $50
I've understood. eyes, sir, California
is great State" There's another
greatest crop you raise too, amt there?"
"What's that?" Liars. Merchant
Traveller.
THERE is man on the West Side
who is very fond of boiled onions The
other day new hired girl placed
dish of boiled onions on the dinner
table, and after eating couple, which
seemed to have peculiar and unsatis-
factory taste, the old man began to
kick, and it was found that the girl had
boiled lot OF hyacinth bulbs that the
lady OF the house had bought at a
florists Then the old lady took her
turn kicking. Stgl.
An old man was fast going to his
"windowless palace of rest" and the
minister, with number of friends,
stood by his bedside. do you know
me 2" asked the minister, gently. ooh,
yes, know you ALL" do you feel
that you are sinking?" "Yes, sir; I'm
not long for life on this side of the
river" you realize, then, your situa-
tion?" Perfectly, sir. And are
you afraid to die?" "Not bit, sir. "
~You are brave man" Il think L am,
sir; 1 was married four times. "-Mer-
chant TraUeler.
AN OLD BOOT ON A NEW LEG.
Miss Susan Aramantha Sears
Did love and woo a comely lad:
But all despite her plants and tears,
A most distressing time she had
She did not suit her lovers dad.
The old man locked his lovely boy
Within dark and lonesome room,
Which did the gen lie youth annoy
And plunge his soul In dismal glOOIn,
Likewise Tetard Miss Sears boom.
The old man bought pair OF shoes,
| Which, by the gods Of war, he swore
He would fir dreadful urpose use
IL e'er again, as he etofore,
The girl hung round his mansion door,
But late one night Miss Susan crept
! In through the gateway, undismayed,
And, while the father s0undly slept,
Beneath her lovers window played
| And ng dulcet serenade
And. as she sweetly played and sang,
| She had no thought OF harm, ween-
| When, lol from out the darkness sprang,
| Unbidden to the festive scene.
| bulldog of ferocious mien!
The sight of that ferocious brute
Made Aramantha Sears turn pale
She shrielling, fled he gave pursuit
| The fence-a leap growl-a wall
! But why prolong this piteous tale?
Yet, to relieve You OF suspense,
| Wen say, mid sympathetic tears,
| That though she nlmbly cleared the fence,
| Miss Susan Aramantha Seats
| Without hustle now appears.
| Eugene Field, IN Chicago Mems.
A Lesson i'm Swimming.