The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-09-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

less In New YORK recently by coming
in contact with some electric wires. 1t
was clear case Of salt and battery.
"By-bye, love-" no murmured as he
started down to his Office in the morn
ing, and she did. to the extent of $50
bonnet. He says Good morning"
now.
There is great deal of billing and
cooling going on at the seaside. The
principal part of the billing is being
done by the hotel keepers. TEXAS SiH-
ingS
A Somerville girl was recently so
startled by being kissed suddenly that
she died. We hasten to say that Som
erville girls. as n rule. need not foar.---
Boston Post.
Did it ever occur to you that, al
though man may have been vaga-
bond all his life and of extremely low
parentage, when he is strung up on u
| gallows he at once becomes highly con-
nectedp-BoSton Post.
Doctor (engaged six months after the
death of his first wife, soliloquizing
over letter) This is better. She ad-
dresses me as "You dear, darling
duck" My first wife used to address
me as THAT nasty old quack."
A refreshment bar on certain rail-
way is kept by a veteran baker. A
sprightly young traveller complained Of
one Of his pies tho other day. The old
man became angry. Young man."
he said severely, II made pies before
you were born" "Yes," responded
the traveller, II fancy this must be one
of those pies"
An onterprising Vermont man has
his house and store connected by tole-
phone. The other day, during storm.
tho lightning entered the store by the
wire while the proprietor was talking
to his wife about when he would bo
home to his dinner. AS he recovered
his consciousness the first words he
spoke were: "All right, Mariah. don't
hit me again; I'll do just as you say.
New York Graphic.
A young man who believes in self
Improvement having recently married
suggested to his wife that they should
argue some question frankly and fully
every morning, in order to learn moro
of each other. The first question hap
pencd to be whether woman could
bo expected to get along without q
hat" and he took tho affirmative, and
when he was last seen he had climbed
up hayloft and was pulling the ladder
after him.
When General B. F. Butler was q
young man two girls, dwelling in tho
same boarding house, were simultane-
ously in love with him. Both ladies
were sitting in the parlor one evening
and Ben was making violent love to
one of them, much to the chagrin of
the other, who nouncod to tho piano
and sang Crock of Ages" at tho top
of her voice, laying particular stress
on the line, Simply to thy cross-eye
cling. life.
Mr.. Mulcahey recently took ~ day
OFF, and went down the harbor on a
fishing excursion. The sea being de-
cidedly chopped it was not long before
he paid tribute to old Neptune several
times. He looked, as Mark Twain
said he felt, las if. he would disgorge
his immortal SOUL" and, between the
rounds, blurted out: "An' (hic), be.
CORA, an can't oonderstand phwy
shud be so sick, whin wuz brought up
within a mile NV the "-.B0Ston
Globe.
MIR. Isaac Came, rich shoemaker OF
Liverpool, who left his property to pub.
lie charities, opened his first shop OPP.
posite the building where he had been
servant and put up sign which
read: IL Came-from over the way"
Somewhat like this was the sign of
tavern-keeper named Danger, near
cambridge, who, having been driver
out of his house, built another oppo.
site. and inscribed ON it, danger from
over the way" The successor then re-
torted by putting up new inscription,
There is no danger here now"
A belle at Long Branch went down
10 the beach to take a bath the other
day, and after entering bathing
oooth, kept her male escort waiting
half an hour. ut was too provoking
Tor anything" she explained when she
reappearod. 81 dropped nv new
bathing suit down a knot-hoie and
have been all this time fishing it up
with piece of string and hair-pin."
"Humph," said her escort, are YOU
sure you rescued all OF it?"-Norris-
torn Herald.
when Jennie Meets Me at TIM
Gate. is the title and burden of a new
song. If the night is clear, When the
Stars are Twinkling, Love, keep your
weather eye out for the old man, say
about the time Our Grandfather's clock
strikes 10, for he may be Coming Thro'
the Rye from the village store with
Iowser; in which case you had better
get Over the Garden wall, while she
goes in and Pulls Down the Blinds to
make her pa believe she said her little
Now | Lay Me Down to Sleep at 9
o'clock. -Peck's San.
They have story of bald-headed
chemist at Nice. Into his shop came a
iady with pretty little boy. Present.
y came another lady, who smiled at
the pretty little boy. The chemist
came IN front of his counter and leaned
over box to get some articles which
Lady No. had ordered. Lady No. 2
had been looking about and had not
seen inc chemist leave the counter.