The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-06

sprinr Goods Mineral Naterl.

- btNt-s ANAttsaNt - y .tHfNA 49,
succeeds. Athief Is a great iinan.
cier whofailsl
A man says his wife Is only half
like telescope. He can draw her
out but be can't shu. her up.
The idlerslasy pun: / would
rather have one day Of vacation
than a thousand years Of vocation.
@smiles ain no sign o a good
dIsserpossishun,' says opie Read.
"DsJedap ain'allus de sweetes.p
All singers the Declaration Of
Independence signed their names
with quill pen except one-he
signed his Wish-erspoon.
A little girlspending the Sum.
mer in the country wrote to her
father 4Please bring me a new
tooth brush. Mine is molting.e
What is the difference between
photography and the whooping
cough9 One makes fac.simiies, and
the other sick families.
An illiterate soldier con!riyed 10
spell the word "usage" without
using a letter properly belonging
To II. He wrote it 'yowsi,ch."
"Ishall fight it out on this lynn
ifittakes all Summer" remarked
the political stump speaker as he
sent to headquarters for more
"doC!ored facts"
The man who is obliged TO wan.
der about a lack,besprinkled floor
at three o'clock in the morning in
search Of a light is invariably the
one who can't find his match.
"How do you pronounce sti.n.
Ig.y.2" asks the teacher ofthe Ounce
Of the class. The boy replied: at
depends a good deal on whether the
word refers to a person or bee."
ACincinnati editor intends to
build a handsome hotel in Wash.
ington, to be eight stories high.
Cincinnati editors, as their pa.
pers show, have a penchant for
tall stories.
A bachelor, upon reading that
1.-TWO lovers would sit up all night
with one chair in the room" said
IL could not be done unless one Of
them cot on the floor. Such ignor.
once is painful.
AS two pall.bearers were walk.
ing away from the grave in which
they had deposited q neighbor, one
said to the other "Wsll, Mr.. Morse,
here's where we've all got to come,
II we live"
A Harlem man who recently
joined the church was heard to
mutter, as his shiny new beaver
fell in a mud hole: Wouldn't you
hear some tall swearing Il l hadn't
been converted last week."
The bread Oflife is love, the salt
oflife is work, the sweetness Of life
is poesY, and the water Of life
faith. A true woman is q com.
pound Of them all. Isn't that q
pretty dish to set before your
wifeH
An old lady gave this as her idea
Of a great man: zone who is
keerful Of his clothes, don't drink
sperets, kin read without spelling
the words and eat a cold dinner on
wash day without grumbling."
Bigsby was telling Blodson about
a friend who was injured in q rail.
road accident. ale ought to have
got heavy damages from the road,"
said Blodson. ale did," replied
Bigsby; "he got both legs and. an
arm broken"
Doctor to undcrtaker-"welE n
shall have a corpse for you to.mor.
row." Tomorrow" Why, to.
morrow is Sunday. Couldn't you
make it the day after2" Doctor
(reaectively)-"Yes, | guess after
all | can pull him through, but the
next day he is yours, sure"
waiter-"What will you have
missS" Customer Cooking over the
restaurant bill Of fare)-"Permit
me TO cogitate. In the correlation
Of forces it lisa recognized property
ofatomiC-" Waiter (shouts across
the hall to head server)-"Baked
beans for one!"
"When l kiss a cross eyed girl"
said the labial expert. u never
look into her eyes," "WhyR" "Bo.
cause if l do, instead Of tapping her
ruby lips Carom of on her jaw.
bone. This is not only disappoint.