Daily Republican., 1884-09-18
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

bread. We STUDIED That In our nrBt
year. You see, the yeast ferments, and
the gas thus formed perneates every
where and transforms the plastic maseri.
nj into . clearly obvious atomic struc-
ture, and then" But what 10 the plas-
tic material ytu speak Of ?"" Oh, that
Ia commonly called the sponge" But
how do you make the SPONGE" why,
you don't make 1t; the cook always A.
tends to that. Then We test the sponge
with the thermometer, and b barometer,
anda lot of other instruments, the
names OF which don't remember, and
then hand 1t back 10 the cook, and /
don't know what she docs with 1t then,
but whom 1t comes on the table It 10
just splendid"
In . Spanish newspaper We read the
following advertisement This morn.
ing the Saviour summoned from his
shop, to another happier world, 6iebald
Illmaga, tho jewelsr. The undersigned,
his widow, will weep above his grave,
~ will also his two daughters, Hilda
and Emma, the former Of whom 10
married. and the latter IL awaiting an
offer. The funeral will take place to-
morrow. His disconsolate widow,
vERoN QUE ILLMAGA. Notice.-This
bereavement will not interfere with the
business, which.w will be removed from
No. 3, TUisso do Teinuriers, to No.
greedinsss of our landlord, who has
raised our rent"
Counsel for the defense had conclud-
ed pathetic appeal to the jury-the
prisoner at the bar bad been accused of
stealing an overcoat-.he barrister had
demonstrated beyond . doubt the in
nocsnce of his client. Acquittal on all
counts Of the Indictment. On leaving
the court, the accused, now released
from custody, approached his liberator.
and inquired, with candid simplicity /:
Now us over, l suppose l may
wear 1t ?"
A youth was endeavoring TO enjoy an
evening in the company of q young
lady upon whom he had called, but
found serious obstacle in the person of
q Stern father, who at length limited
very plainly that the hour for retiring
had arrived. II think you are correct,
my dear SIR" returned the unabashed
young mar. We have been waiting
for you to go to bed for over an hour. B"
A young lady at home from boarding
school for the holidays was asked II she
would have second supply OF roast
beef, when she replied: "No. l thank
you, gastronomic ai safety admonishes
me that have arrived at the ultimate
stage of eglutition consistent with d.
etetic integrity" The young lady was
not invited again to take second help
ing.
Mrs. Malloy: "Shure, Mrs. McGin'
mis-, an it's rather poorly yer lookt ng
this morning" Mrs. McGinnis: "ln
dade, thin, Malloy, and it's good raisor
I'm hav ring to look poorly Here's thu
pOstman Just been to the doore to tell mt
there's dead letter waiting for me at
the post office an l can't for the In
of me think who 1t IL that's dead"
"what makes you look 30 downcast?'
asked Brown. Fogg had an awfu
| mother. in law was dead. 1t was fright
full" Brown. "What do you take tina
so much to heart for? It's nothing blu
but q dream" Fogg eyes, ant
that's just it; that's what makes 1t Q
frightful.
A little girl holds q mirror up b"for
her mothers face, and asks: " Mamms
do you nee yourself in it?" Eyes, m
darling" No, you don't, either" r
turned the little one. Why not?
queries the mother. Because l hear
Mrs. Biggs say you were sougly that
you ever looked into q glass you'd brea
! The other Sunday popular preacher
in enumera'ing the things not 70 .
found in heaven, said "There Ia n
. darkness there, no clouds, no sorrow
: no sickness, no grave, no funerals, n
, preachers AS the con9regatio
I smiled at this point, the clergyman r.
: marked THAT il, there Is no preach
9 ing there"
A telegraph messenger boy got me-
I sages mixed the other day, anu hanue
a Jockey o telegram which read Ca
= you supply our pulpit next Sunday !?
4 and to we'll known Clergyman Oh
y patch which read -" The race Is pos
8 poned until Monday: Can't you con
4 down and spend Sunday"
A ragged little urchin came to
E lady's door, asking for old clothes. 81
v brought him vest and pair
IS trousers, which she thought would
,; a comfortable fit. The young soap
grace took the garments and examine
Il each then, W it'll q desolata look, SAT-
d" There amt no watch-pocket!"
I'll "This art craze is going TOO far
said Brown, when q pot Of paint Il
from a second story window and stru'
Z him on the head. " No more decorat
J. tiles for me-" he mournfully adde
IA he began to scrape the yellc
u paint off his silk hat with a JAG
d. knife.
: A worthy old lady offers the folio
Il ing advice to girls Whenever
1t fellow pops the question, don't blu
81 and stare at your foot. just thru
Iyour arms around his neck, look b
full in the face and commence talki
about tho furniture.
Bella has Just started out with
swain for walk, when her little brotl
Johnny calls to her ~ say, Bel
Idon't YOU bring that Teller back here
tea with you. Mamma says there al
more'n enough biscuits to 60 around
1t is.
lsI Cruel retort..-" 1t was terribly
pressive at the theatre last night. q
d Brown. at was 80 hot that the blt
4 all rushed to my head" Well.
~ found plenty Of room there, didn'tit
9, replied the unsympathetic Fogg.
,oI Husband e a. M, after acurtain
70 ture) Well, all have to say is,
n you are a person ofsuch reinement
good breeding, you ought to be- ab
a talking to drunken fellow at this ii
NJ Iof the night"
Mrs. Pepper asked, rather sharp
g. DO Won think that little temper
i bad thing in a woman !" And the [
d liant philosopher said Certai
r. mot 1t is q good thing, and she should
lose it."
IL People in love don't feel the heat
III Ioriiuary mortals. At least 1t appt
la -. .hs.. dnost for w hen In Ia tOO vi