The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-05-15

along the boulevard with his wife, the
other day, when the following scrap of
| dialogue between them was overheard:
'.Raoul, the newspapers have been
very severe on you lately" What do
/ care?" Yes, but your constituents"
"They don't know how to read"
"Barnum is charged with having
black-leaded his old elephants in order
that his newest venture in pachyderms
may appear white by comparison,
said Mrs. Ignoramus, reading from an
evening paper. 'Iawks sake" con-
tinued the old lady, that's what call
a graphite prescription by rival"
Have things come to such a pass
] that we cannot 90 to the opera and
talk as loudly as we please in our own
boxes? If the benighted rabble who
occupy the rest of the theater prefer
other voices to ours it is time they
were taught better. Annoy them, in
deed! Who owns this world, anyway.
Life.
The Salt Lake Tribune is RESPONSE
| BILE for the statement that the appoint
ment of postmaster of Sunset, Arizona,
| has been given to man who has q
large number of polygamous wives.
| 1t would seem as if this official had
been appointed on the supposition that
| a man who could manage so many of
the gentler sex ought to be able to look
| after the mails.
Eyes, indeed" said the high-school
| girl to her brother Jim. ''In this af-
fair / obtained the gibbosity on Amy"
you did what?" inquired the boy.
obtained the gibbosity-the protu-
berency, you know" lis it anything
to eat?" was the next question. 80
dear, no, you stupid boy-merely q
figure of speech-what you call got
the bulge, only that is horrid slang"
The following notes of a speech recent
" delivered in Dublin are not without
interest Speaking on the much vexed
Irish land question the speaker said:
1.-The country is overrun by absentee
landlords" and after q magnificent
peroration, delivered from the tub on
which he was standing, he said, 81
tell you the cup of old Ireland's misery
is overlooking; aye, and it's not fall
vet"
Il don't see how we are to get along.
The house is about empty, yet it is i'm
possible TO reduce expenses. Look
over the American papers and see what
the news is" said Canadian hotel
keeper. 81 have looked over them.
There has not been a big defalcation in
the United States for two weeks" re-
piled the clerk. MY stars! we will be
ruined. / never knew the times to be
so dull"
New York has just had a swell, titled
wedding. The Baroness Nadine de
Huppman was welded at St. Patrick's
Cathedral to Count Krakowski. We
have not learned whether the Baroness
will continue to let the rooms on the
second and third floors to dodgers, al
though we understand that the Count
will continue in business at the same
old stand, fourth chair from the win
dow left side as you 60 in. Sea foam
10 cents extra.
The most egotistical of the United
States-Me. The most religious-Mass.
The poorest in health-Ill. The father
of state-Pa. An grammatical state
R l.? Marine territory-Utah. Has
most NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. Mightier
than the sword-Penn. Most useful in
haying time-Mo. The most yivacious
Ga. Makes the most mistakes and is
the most ady-like-Miss. Best in
time of fiood-Ark.
There is one thing | want you to
remember while you are on your trav-
els, said Rollo's father, as he babe
his son good-by. 'tAnd what is that?"
asked Rollo Remember the waiter"
replied his father, with a hooking
laugh, and the train Numbered out of
the depot, while the Pullman porter,
taking note of Rollo's tender years,
mentally sized him up for half dol
lar.-BUrlingt01l HalCbeye.
A little French boy awakened his
mother early, the other morning, to
ask her what God is, and whether he
had eyes, a nose. and a mouth. My
child, replied the mother, half asleep,
God is everything-the heavens-the
ininite-everytning that you can't I'M
derstand." Then" said the child,
'God must be an American, for there
are some little American boys at school
and | can't understand them at allr'
A gentleman of cheerful appearance
entered shop in Paris, the other day,
and asked for a revolver. The shop
man produced a somewhat elaborate
weapon. Il want something palmer
than that" said the purchaser, some
thing more practical and business-like. ="
"Ah! | think / know what you re-
quire, " responded the shop-keeper; sit
is what we call 1'homme RUNE, the
article l showed you just now is the
suicide par chagrin d'amourr
Once upon time traveller arrived
late at a hotel and found all the rooms
engaged. Here was a sad case But
his ready wit did not desert him. He
walked into the gentleman's room. and
standing in the middle of the floor,
said, Gentlemen, | am happy to see
so many Of you here tonight. | am
book agent, and want to show you-''
Before he could utter another word
the whole company had taken to the
woods, and he had his choice of apart
ments.
VIII G. Nicholas. the witty manag-
ing editor of the Washington National
Republican, shutters badly. 1t is said
of him that when he was the city ed
itor of the indianapolis NeIcs one of
the State House commissioners explain
ed to him what kind of superintend-
ent they wanted. He must be, said
he, ''honest, industrious, good, pure
minded, frugal, self-sacrificing-" Il
th-th-th-ink, interrupted Nicholas,
'.y-y-you w-w-won't find him He
w-w-was c-c-c-crucitied about 1900
y-years a-g-go."