The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1884-10-24
be said. aMy boy Hssstiah vim b.
Just the one for that"

Just the ono for that
Deacons Simpson and Grubb looked
ct each other with . dubious expression.
for Hes Simpson was generally CON.
sidered the worst boy in Byesville.
Understand, gentlemen" ssid The
inventor, gravsly. athis whole matter ter
ID to be kept . profound secret. I ask
nothing until the clsricomotor hss
publicly proved It's usefulness. To-
day is Friday, II you have no obiec-
Gons, we will try il next Sunday"
The deacons nodded assent.
"In the meantime, I must again urge
upon you tho necessity Of the strictest
secrecy"
Il had been whispered about Byes.
vile that the committee on selection
had new candidate TO present TO the
congregation. Consequently, the
church was filed to it's utmost capacity
at an unusually early hour. Notwith.
standing this fast, the first comers were
surprised to find the clerical stranger
there before them. As tile church a.
led up, many comments were whispered
over this unusual proceeding, but they
were supplemented by numerous com.
plimentary allusions to his distinguished
appearance.
The service opened with the doxology
sung by the congregation-and pro-
ceeded in the customary manner. The
congregation was charmed with the
newcomer. His gestures were grace.
ful, though exceedingly numerous, and
his voice was full and deep. SO finely
developed were these admirable quail
ties that when he made the announce
ment that the usual collection would be
taken up, It was noted that he impaired
to it a sympathetic flavor that il never
before seemed to possess.
It was, however, in the sermon that
he achieved his crowning triumph.
Never before in the history Of the Byes.
vile Orthodox Church had snch an
eloquent effort been heard. Replete
with graceful imagery and profound
thought, it held their undivided atten.
ton from the opening sentences. And,
most remarkable Of all, it was delivered,
extemporaneously! !
The faces Of Deacons Simpson
Simpson and Grubb wore looks Of th.
proudest satisfaction, and they az.
changed smiles of congratulation Iacross
the church.
in store for them.
As is understood the motive nowar ~
the clericomotor was Hgx simpson
tho deacon's 'harumscaram son- vhs.
was concealed behind che pulnit AZ
first the responsibility Of his position
held his frolicsome disposition in checI.
a,nd he performed the duties prescribed
for him with exemplary aS.elity. but
as the novelty wore OF, his naturai
spirit OF mischief asserted. itself. Des.
pite his solemn instruct ON NOT to fnrn
the handle backward, y,nd prohahIy l,a.
cause of this very int idiction. he VA.
dying to try the effe0 { Of the forbidden
experiment. ~ e- ~'>''.'"
The new clerg yman had reached
seventesnthly, and was Just entering
upon glowing. peroration, when he
was observed 70 slightly hesitate. Al.
most lmmed1 ately, however, he reoov-
cred hlmser- and clearly and forcibly
ejaculated. "Sixteenthly!
dez ned commenced experimentinr.
The reverend gentleman repeated q
few SEP tences smoothly, and then With
CUT .s, moments warning shouted,
"ThD :dly!"
TF.e hair ON the heads of Dea cons
SIN. .pson and Simpson stood on end in
horror. Deacon Grubb was bald. It
wis very evident that Hezekia had
thrown oil prudence in the winds. The
Few minister, without in the slightest
degree losing the exp bn of gravity
which added dignity to his countenance.
calmly proceeded backward by ierks
through secondly" and 'sfirstly. Then
he jumbled together two announcements
and hymn. and varied the astonishing
performance by rapidly sitting down
and rising again q half dozen times.
Following this with q variety of wild
gestures, he fiercely delivered what was
commonly supposed to be q quotation
IN Choctaw, and then suddenly roared:
"Ihe usual collection will now be"
The balance of the sentence was lost
in frighlful explosion. Intoxicsted
with his success, Hez had jammed the
crank back too far, and the new main
cylinder had burst.
The collapsed cleicomoter sank to the
moor as the congregation rushed in dis.
may from the building.
The pulpit Of the Orthodox Church a
Byesville is still vacant.