The Wilmingtonian., 1884-08-09
HUMOROUS.

ACCOMMODATIONS for six: Nose Scham-
burg has been annoyed by burglars PROV
Ing about his residence on the upper end
of Austin Avenue. Yesterday he went into
a gunshop to buy a pistol. What kind of
a weapon do you want?" 81 would like
one," said Nose, emit accommodations for
six burglars"
"Good-by, Clara glad TO have met you.
We leave for Newport next week" $50
soon?" returned tho bankers daughter,
sadly. "I'm afraid we shan't he able to
leave unti-until-" but the words seemed
to stick in her throat. ''Why, what's the
matter, Clara, dearP Until whatP" Until
we get papa out of Jail"
One of the professors Of the University Of
Texas was engaged in explaining the Oar
winian theory to his class, when lie
observed that they were not paying proper
attention. Gentlemen" said the professor
''whon am endeavoring to explain to you
the peculiarties Of the monkey | wish you
would look right at mo."-Ieras Sttings.
THE latest story of police efficiency takes
the cake. A small boy happened to be
crossing biidge just as another small boy
fell into the water. A policeman asked the
boy on the bridge whether lie could swim.
The boy said he could, and with great pres
ence of mind the policeman thereupon
dropped him over the railing into the canal.
After hard struggle the boy who was
| -,
that fell in. The policeman has not yet been
promoted for his bravery.
SCOT conundrum for you Johnnie ;
invented it myself said n boy to a play
mate. "What is the difference Of poodle
you're dragging by the chain and rotten
tree trunk? ''
After due deliberation Johnnie passed.
"0ne is a led dog and the other is dead
log. Them kind are awful easy when you
know how"
So thought Johnnie, and OF his way home
he built one on a similar plan which he
tried to explode on the maternal head.
81 say, ma, here's riddle made il
myself. What's the difference between the
wax figure of lady and pa not letting mt
go to the circus last week? Cause ones
sham dame and t'other u da-Owl! ow
ow ! !! that hurts, l tell you can't you taxi
Teller of your size" The conundrun
factory has closed for repairs.
"Tickets Tickets y were the famlia
+ words that sounded through the coach
They fell upon the passenger who hat
entered at the last station, an unshaven
shrewd and seedy -looking son of the oil,
sod. Instantly he fell to searching in al
inside pocket Of his overcoat for the trans
portation passport, and was earnestly engage
n at this when the conductor stopped at hi
= side. The passenger worked eagerly, TIL
: official waiting patiently but finally th
former Strengthened up and said "a how
in me potchet conductor; go long widge
yer train an oil foind the thicket atime Y
COON back" As the train slackencd spec
at the next station the conductor returned
when the Irishman, whose search for hi
: ticket had been fruitess, remarked lie
me oft here, conducher dear | deed inten
I to 60 on to Teddy Hoot, but dim goin' bac
to get me thicket." AS he alghtcd on til
platform an acquaintance saluted him with
An it's home ye are, Mike? Will yez sta
' over Christmas ~ ''Indade | Will" GLOW
worruk wild yez? Poor: poor. If
DO hadn't bin lucky enough to lose me thickt
I'd l shouldn't 'av got ERE at ALL"
Why he wanted two beds. youn
| ln frn,f, ha - tntu y.
~ the marriage ceremony to spend the fir
m night of their honeymoon therein. I'll
clerk of the st. Herman Hotel assigne
them to the bridal chamber. in few mil
utes thereafter the young man came dow
stairs, and walking up to the Office counte
said to the clerk:
"See here, mister there hain't only OF
a bed in that ere room"
"Well, replied the clerk smiling, 'yc
don't want two beds in bridal chambe
of You're married, amt you?"
eyes we're married, and that's what
the matter. I've read great many tim
$50 lately of wives kickin' their husbands OF
1 o'bed, and as jimmy kind o'looks out Ii
/! eyes like our old COW Nell does afore 81
gifts a kiokn' spell on her, I'm lit
Altered she might be one o'them ere XII
=. O. wives and in case she kicks I'll be &c
darned if want to set up in cheer q
night ur lay on the floor"
R Well, my dear fellow, then you can lie
the lounge"
nm can right. didn't know you'd allow
= feller to lay on that. Good night"
"Good night. "-Rentucky State Journal.