St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1884-07-06
WEDDING ETIQUETTE.
What IS forbidden to the GPoOnt-DMties of
the Brides Parents-Irep0ratiOn s
for the Ceremony

What IS Forbidden to the GroOm-Dmtics of
the Brides acknowledgements s
for the Ceremony
The etiquette of weddings is remotely
founded on the early savage history of man
kind and which bears fruit in our later and
more complex civilization, still reminding
us of the past. In early and in savage days
the man sought his bride heroically and car
ried her off by force. The Tartar still does
this and the idea only was improved IN pa
triarchial days by the purchase of the bride
by the labor of her husband, or by his wealth
in focks and herds. It is still theory that
the bride is thus carried of. Always, there
fore the idea has been cherished that the
bride is something carefully guarded, and
thd groom is looked upon as sort of friendly
enemy, who comes to take away the much
priced object from her loving and jealous
family. Thus the long cherished theory
bears fruit in the English ceremonial, where
the only carriage furnished by the groom is
one in which he drives the bride away to the
spending of the honeymoon. Up to that
time he has had no rights of proprietorship.
Even this is not allowed in America among
fashionable people. the BRIDES father send
ing them in his own carriage on the first
stage of their journey. 1t is not etiquette
for the groom to furnish anything for his
own wedding but the ring and bouquet
for the bride, presents for the brides maids
and the best man and some token to the
ushers. He pays the clergyman.
He should not pay for the cards, the car
riages, the entertainment, or anything con-
nected with the wedding. This is decided
in the high court of etiquette. This is the
province of the family OF the bride and should
be insisted upon. If they are not able to do
this, there should be no wedding and no
cards. 1t is better for a portionless girl to
60 to the altar il travelling dress, and to
send out no sort of invitations or wedding
cards, than to allow the groom to pay for
them. This is not to the disparagement of
the rights of the groom. 1t is simply prop
er and universal etiquette.
At the altar the groom, if he is million
aire, makes his wife his equal by saying:
s'With all my worldly goods 1 thee endow;"
but until he has uttered these words she has
no claim ON his purse for clothes or cards,
or household furnishing, or anything but
those articles that come under the head of
such gifts as it is q lovers privilege to give.
A very precise old-time aristocrat of New
York broke her daughters engagement to q
gentleman because he brought her dress
from Paris She said, if he did not know
enough not to give her daughter clothes
while she was under her roof, he should not
have her.
This is an exaggerated feeling, but the
principle is q sound one. The position of
woman is SO delicate, the relations of en-
gagged people so uncertain, that it would
bring about an awkwardness if the gentle
men were to pay for the shoes, the gowns,
and the cards of his betrothed.
Suppose, as was the case twice last win
ter, that an engagement of marriage is
broken after the cards are out? Who is to
repay the bridegroom if he has paid for the
cards? Should the father of the bride send
him check? That would be very insulting,
yet family would feel nervous about being
under pecuniary Indebtedness to discarded
son-in-law. The lady can return her ring
and the gifts her lover has made her; they
have suffered no contact that will injure
them. But she could not return shoes or
gowns or bonnets.
1t is therefore wisely ordered by etiquette
that the lover be allowed to pay for nothing
that could not be returned to him without
loss, if the engagement were dissolved even
on Weddlng morning.
Nothing is more honorable than a mar
riage celebrated in the presence only of the
father, mother, and priest. The young cou-
pie, unwilling, or unable to have splendid
dresses, equippages, cards and ceremony,
can always be married this way, and go to
the senate or white house afterward. They
are not hampered by it hereafter. But the
bride should never forget her dignity. She
should never let the groom pay for cards, or
for anything unless it is the marriage IL
cense, wherever it is needful in this country,
and the clergyman's fee. Ii she does she
puts herself in false position.
A very sensible observer, writing of Amer
lea and its. young people, and the liberty al
lowed them, says 1.-THE liberty, or license,
of our youth will have to be curtailed. As
our society becomes complex and artificial,
like older societies in Europe, our children
will be forced to approximate to them in
status, and parents will have to waken to a
sense of their responsibilities.
This is remark which applies at once to
that liberty permitted to engaged couples in
rural neighborhoods, where the young girl is
allowed to go on journey at her lovers ex-
pense. girls natural protectors should
know better than to allow this. They know
III,
and that certain coyness and virginia.
freshness are the dowry she should bring
her future husband. Suppose that this en-
gagemcnt is broken off! How will she be
accepted by another lover after having en-
joyed the hospitality Of the first? Would it
not make disagreeable feeling between the
two men, although No 2 might have perfect
respect for the girl.
r. ic tho privi1Un Of b1 hridn RI n arna tho
wedding day, and of her father and mother
to pay for her trousseau. After the wedding
invitations are issued she does not appear in
public.
The members of the brides family go to
the church before the bride; the bridegroom
and his best man await them at the altar.
The bride comes last, with her father or
brother, who is to give her away. She is
joined at the altar step by her fance, who
takes her hand, and then she becomes his
for life.
All these trifles mean much, as anyone
can learn who goes through with the painful
details of a divorce suit.
Now, when the circle of friends on both
sides is very extensive, it has of late become
customary to send invitations to some who
are not called to the wedding breakfast, to
attend the ceremony at the church. This
sometimes takes the place of issuing cards.
No one thinks of calling on the newly-mar
ried who has not received either an invita-
ton to the ceremony at the church or cards
after their establishment in their new home.
In most cases the after-cards are ordered
with the other cards, and the BRIDES mother
pays for them. But il they are ordered after
the marriage, the groom may pay for these
as he would pay for his wifc's ordinary ex-
pe1scs. Still, it is stricter etiquette that
even these should be paid for by the BRIDES
family.
People who are asked to the wedding send
cards to the house if they can not attend
and, in any case, send or leave cards within
ten days after, unless they are in very deep
mourning when q disnen sation is granted