The Black range. (Robinson, Socorro County, N.M.) 1882-1897, 1884-02-08
"Heap Brain"

has, during his life, felt of over a
hundred thousand heads. A compari-
son Of large number of charts given
in these cases shows that, so far, no
head examined would indicate anything
less than member of the lower house
of congress. Artists, orators. prima-
donas and statesmen are plenty, but
there are no charts showing the nat
ural born farmer, capenter, shoemaker
or chamber-maid.
That is the reason butter is so high
west,of the Missouri river to-day, while
genius actually runs riot.
What this day and age of the world
needs is a phrenologist who will paw
around among the high, intellectual
domes of free-born American citizens
and search out a few men who can
milk COW in a cool and unimpassion-
ed tone of voice.
1t is true that every man in America
is sovereign, but he had better not
oYerdo it. The man who sits up nights
to be sovereign, and allows the calves
to eat his brown-eyed beans, is not
leading his fellowman up to higher
and nobler life. This sovereign busi-
ness can be run into the ground if we
are not careful.
Very likely the white-eved boy with
the hickory dado along the base of his
overalls is the boy who in future years
is to be the president of the United
States. But do not, oh, do not trow,
fair young reader, that every Albino
youth in our whole broad land who
wears an isosceles triangle in navy
blue flannel athwart his system is 60
ing to be the chief magistrate of this
mighty republic.
We need statesmen and orators and
artists very much; but the world at
this moment also needs several athletic
parties with horse sense adequate to
procure flour and other vegetables
necessary to feed the aforesaid States
men, orators, ETC., ETC.
Let us say word to the light-eyed
youth of America. Let me murmur in
your ear this never-dying truth: When
long-haired crank asks you a. dollar
to tell you that you are young De-
mosthenes, stand up and look yourself
over at distance before you swallow
it.
There is no use talking, we have got
to procure provisions in some manner,
and in order to do so the natural-born
bone and sineW must go at it and pro-
mote growth of such things, or else we
artists, poets and statesmen will have
to take off our standing collars and do
it ourselves.
Phrenology is good thing, no doubt,
if we can purify it. So long as it does
not become the slave of capital, there is
nothing about phrenology that is going
to do harm; but when it becomes the |
creature of the trade-dollar, it looks as
though the country would be filled up
with wild eyed genius that hasn't had
square meal for two weeks. The time
will surely come when America will de-
mand less craftsmanship and more
-four; when less statistics and purer,
nobler and more progressive style of
beef-steak will demand our attention.
l had hoped that phrenology would
step in and start this reform; but so
far 1t has not, within the range of my
observation. 1t may be, however, that
the mental giant bump.translator with
whom came in contact was not fair
representative. Still he has been i'll
the business for over thirty years, and
some of our most polished criminals
have passed under his hands.
An erroneous phrenologlst once told
me that would shine as revivalist,
and that ought to marry tall blonde
with nervous sanguinary tempera-
ment. Then he said, Zone dollar,
please" and l said, Gall right, gentle
scientist, with the tawny name, l will
give you the dollar and marry the tall
blonde with the bank account and bill
Gus temperament when you give Inc a
chart showing me how to dispose of
brown-eyed brunette with thought
full cast Of countenance, who married
nae in an unguarded moment two years
ago
He looked at me in a reproachful
kind of way, struck at me with
chair in an absent minded manner, and
stole aWay.-Bill Nye in Puck.