The Douglas independent. [volume] (Roseburg, Or.) 187?-1885, 1884-07-19
THE BARBER ON MARRYING.
He Narrates the Experience of I
Friend to His Assistant.


Friend to His Assistant.
New York Sum-
"a trent uf mine gifts marrit, Suntay,"
said the German barber in the Bowery last
week. aHe bopped der question in der ladest
sdyle. Der olt-fashioned-luf-i f-in-a-coddage
grackers-und- kisses peezness peen played
ovid. Mine trent he leans ofer his sweed-
heart und dakes her hly-vite hant, und,
seeing momend pedween der raddle uf dwo
elevated drains, he sayt: My precious, my
sweet und lufly darling, l would like to pro-
nounce yourselluf my wife.
Gloomy. my own sweet luf, she hat sayt,
ARE you sure you can afford it? would not
deceefe you, tarling; you hat calf me precious
und you will find me SO. Afegshun cosds
nodings, but sdylishness und high-tone cosds
a heab uf money. Can you all dot affort, my
own dear lufl
aHe Won arm blaced her waist arount, und
vile he trank in der igwid egstacy uf her adj
miring gaze, he reblied: II dink I can der
pail keeb rolling righd sdraighd along, my
own, my sweet, sweet plessing."
g Its kind af You Chonny, she replied, not
to dalk apowd such foolishness as luf on a
basemend NIT sixbence week, for der world
is now run on peezness brincibles, und such
dalk makes me dired had to git divorce
away from my first husband because he vos
old-vashioned like dot. / musd first-glass
allowance haf to pegin NIT SO We ton'd fall
ovid apowd money. Dots vot proke to
bieces upme upd my second husband, alretty.
Und now, my lhf, haf pesides dot only Won
dings to say: v6I unused haf blain dalk vonst
effry dree months. Den, my sweet tarling, if
/ shall some oder man luf more as you, will
vrankly dell you SO your face in front, und
you must der same dings done by me. Also,
if l should got dred uf you mitowid falling
some oder man in luf NIT, | will sbeak
blainly, und you must py me sbeak choost
der same For can'd stand vighting und
rows, my tarling. My third husband used to
arkue und dalk init me, undii l vos COM
belled divorce to git away from him on ac-
kound uf my boor nerfs.'
"Vell," said the barber, "my trent vos NIT
dot conversation cradely pleased, und bland
ing tousand kisses her cheeks und mout
owitsite, he do1t her uf der drubbles he got
mit dwo brefious vifes, alrettF. SO dem should
not habben again NIT her; und hating bre-
barred der way for divorce in case dem
should wish to haf it, he vent away dickled
NIT his pargain.
"Chiminy Hookeyi vot Tickens uf a row
der monkey parber got into himself NIT dot
trent uf mine ven my trent vos delling vot a
goot ding such brobosal of marritch vos,
und how fine divorces are. und all dot.
"'Yah,' der monkey parber hat sayt, dots
vot 1 call der insdallment blan uf mar
.ritch.'
"'Vot der teffil do you meant sayt my
trent.
"Der monkey parber vent right away on,
der same he always done. Oats der new
fashion of marritch in siffilized gundries, he
sayt, but it's otter as der hills NIT der SAT-
FACES. My ungle, vich vos sailor, always
got in der Santvitch islands wife in dot
same way each dime he vent to Honolu--'
"Bang! Py Hooky how dot monkey parber
| did git a lickingi My frent wiped him up NIT
der floor u