Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-07
Ant1uruns Department.

Antauru,1s department.
NEEDED SEVENTEEN LANGUAGEs.--It
was at dinner mainly of railroad men,
recently, where everybody was called on for
a speech. Mr.. Simon Stevens, late presi..
dent of the Tehuantepec Railway and Canal
company, responded humorously, and apro-
lated, told the following as true story:
When lived down in Pennsylvania thir-
ty-odd years ago, knew James Buchanan
pretty we'll. It was years before he was
president he was merely q prominent law
yer who practiced in the courts OF the coun-
ty. One day he asked three or four of his
rich clients home with him to dinner, among
them Henry Musselman, a thriving German
farmer from the next town. Judge Hop
kins, think, was at the table that day, too.
1t was handsome table; the fine damask
table-cloth reached nearly to the floor:
They had all been helped to turkey, sweet
potatoes, cranberry sauce, and the trlm-
mings, and were preparing to assault the
repast when Musselman, who had set his
plate very close to the edge of the table, up
set it, hot gravy and all, into his lap. He
sprang up in modification and anguish and
exclaimed: "Mein Gott N Himmei! Wish
vos in Hellum minute ~ and made for
the door, mopping his hot face with his gra-
vy-soaked napkin and calculating in broken
fashion. In another instant there was gen
eral start of dismay around the table, as II
they felt the foundations of the earth giving
way. For Musselman, who came in town
on horseback, had accidentally hooked his
spur firmly into the table-cloth as ne turned,
and as he rushed out the door he dragged
the whole dinner to the floor with jerk.
When Buchanan had another dinner cooked
and Musselman tried to apologize, he said
he wished he understood seventeen IAN
guages.-Chicago Tribune.
THE DERNIER REsORT.-A few days ago,
says the Kentucky State Journal, middle
aged countryman walked into the office OF
a prominent Newport attorney and took a
seat, when the following conversation took
place: :.
II called to see about gettin' q divorce
from my wife,"
sAh; what seems to be the difficulty"
"Well, me and Jinney are always quar-
relin', and think it would be better if she
would 90 back to her folks and stay where
1 am. She can take the three children
with her."
"On what grounn do you want di-
vorce?"
"Well, you see, it's ust this way: Jinny's
the most skeeriest woman OF tramps ye
ever seen, and so when we 60 up stairs to
bed she wants me to look under the bed for
a man, when I know there amt no man
there. So you see that riles me and | get
mad, and then there's fuss, and I don't
have no peace and can't get no sleep, and
Pm hard working man."
"You can't get divorce on those grounds,
sir"
II can't?"
"NO, SIR"
"Well, then, I know what I'll do. I'll
90 home and saw the legs off the bed close
up, so man can't git under. If 1 had
thought of that sooner might hev saved
all this time comm in here"
A NEGRo's CONCLUSIVE LoGIC.-A gen.
tleman residing in Binghampton has in
his employ an aged negro whose early life
was spent south of Mason and DiXon's
line, and as chattel or property. The gen.
tleman is keen observer of human ma
ture, and, enjoying good thing, has
drawn the old negro out on many impor-
tant questions of theology, law and logic.
In conversation some time ago he said to
him:
IS have heard that all cOlored peo-
pie would steal. Is it so ~
"No, 'taint so; tis a lie."
"Well," said the gentleman, "when you
were slave, didn't you sometimes take a
chicken or a turkey from your master, and
eat it,"
eyes" said s., "sometimes, took q
chicken or duck, or turkey, but Lord
bless you! dat Want stealin'."
'Why not?''
''Well, tell you: Dat chicken he was
property, 1 was property, and If property
took property to saapE,portproper dat Want
Could any logic be more subtle and con-
c1usive?- Chicago Tribune.
A TEMPERANCE MANA gentleman took
the pledge the other day, but somehow
his abstinence from the moderate quantity
of wine he was accustomed to drink did
not agree with him. His doctor was sent
for, who recommended a slight alcoholic
stirnulant. This advice was received with
horror "How can l." said the sick man,
''violate my vow? 1 have forbidden my
servants the beer which they love so well,
and l am going to preside at a Blue Ribbon
meeting next week." "All / can say"
said the doctor, ''is that stimulant is ne
cessary for your health. You had better
get bottle of whisky and hide it away,
and when your shaving-water comes up
just mix yourself a tumbler of whisky and
water" The doctor departed, and meet
ing his patients servant a week afterWard,
he asked him how his master was going on.
"Oh, very we'll as to bodily health," was
the reply; "but between you and me, Sir, l
think he has gone wrong in the head-he
has taken to shaving himself six times a
day u'-Iemple Bar.
HE WAS RIGHT.-Hans Growyost, a
worthy farmer, who has been a lifelong
resident of Berks, has shreWd wife, who
has long rendered his life anything but a
couch Of roses.
One day, not long ago, she, in fit of
pique, picked up her goods and left him,
voWing never to come back. The news
went around among the neighbors-you
know how intelligence of all kinds does
travel in the country-and at night several
of them, of whom l was one, went to con-
dole with Hans. He sat on his front porch
putting away at his pipe.
Hans" l remarked, 81 pity YOU"
"My poy," replied the honest Dutchman,
as he disturbedly Knocked out the ashes of
his pipe, "you vas right. She has shust
come back!''
No FLATTERY.-AleXand Dumas was
one day the guest of DR.. Gistal, a leading
practitioner in Marseilles. After dinner,
while the coffee was being handed around,
the host requested the great novelist to en-
rich his album with one of his witty imprO-
visations. Certainly" replied Dumas,
"with smile, and drawing out his pencil,
he wrote, under the eyes of his entertainer,
the following lines:
lrom n q,