Morning journal and courier., 1884-08-16
FUNN Y.

It seems funny to say that person is homesick, when in reality they are away sick.-Yonkers Statesman.
 A fashion item says: HThe skirts of little girls dresses grow longer" True; we've mo- ticed this phenomenon ourselves, and always supposed it was caused by letting out the tucks.-Lowell Citizen.
 ''I never saw such a woman in all my life, :" said Bass; EEyou are never satisfied with any thing" People who knew the man I took for husband, 5 replied Mrs. B., think, on the contrary, that I am very easily satisfied. 7" Boston Transcript.
 A retired base ballist of some literary skill was asked to write an epitaph for man who had just died after marrying his third wife The ex-batter produced the following terse but expressive sentiment: "Out on third. Burlington Free Press.
 The teacher of Chelsea Sunday school recently asked her pupils the following ques- tion, expecting ''sin" for an answer: F:What, children causes the most trouble and misery in the world?' For a time no one answered, but finally a small, bright-looking boy held up his hand and gravely said: 'Skeeters, darn lem. Boston Globe.
 ''Clara, what makes you sit so close to George when he calls? I hope you will not forget the proprieties, my child" 'Oh, but ma George is dreadful deaf" 'fYes, re- member, your father was troubled with the same complaint before we were married, but now cannot go through his pantaloons pock- cts in the morning without waking him up. '' Chicago News.
 Very narrow escape: A youth of Hiber- nian extraction in chopping wood with a hatchet the other day was so unfortunate as to graze the thumb of his left hand, with which he was steadying the piece of kind ling he was splitting. Ruefully gazing at the injured member, he remarked: ''Begorra, it was good thing I did not have hold of the handle with both hands, or I'd have cut it off, sure. ."-Boston Post.
 ''Did you feel the shock on Mondayg'' asked the major. EWell, should say did, J was the colonel's answer. s'Why, do you know when the bartender asked me that it almost took me off my feet?' "Asked you what?n Asked me if I didn't intend to set tie up sometime before Christmas" Twas referring to the earthquake" said the major. s'Oh, were you? No, didn't notice it very much. "-Boston Post.
 q wish to look at some mourning goods, , said lady, as she entered dry goods store. ''Yes, madam" replied the clerk, "this way, please After looking through the entire stock she remarked that she would come in again in the course of day or two May l ask, said the clerk, in sympathetic tone of voice, Eff the death occurred in your imme- diate family?'' stThere has been no death yet" she replied, sadly, S'but my husband is very low "-Drake's Travellers Magazine.
 A gentleman who owns 8 fine tract of cedar land not far from Austin, Texas few days ago was told that some negroes were cutting down the timber, so he rode out to see about it. To his astonishment he found a wealthy white neighbor, with team and wagon, hauling of the timber. ttWhy, l am astonished, Colonel ? said the owner of the land. 'I heard that a lot of negroes were stealing my timber. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. " Well, to tell the truth. 3 responded the other party, eI do hate to steal timber like darky, but these cedar trees make such bully fence rails that concluded to drop all pride of race. '-Texas Siftings.