The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1884-02-01
nusoRous s.ArrrRs.

Drutn music, ana much OF tho piano
kind, comes by the pound.
A writer on phyaiognomy says that
lovers Of music usually have prominent
oars. This is probably the reason that
We see so many young donkeys in steel
pen coats at the opera.
"l'm all wool and yard wide I"
shouted = cowboy, aslhe gave bis som.
brero an extra side hitch and looked
around for foe. "That may be-" re-
piled an undauntsd female, "but you
won't wash"
Tho Duo de Morny's definition Of a
polite man Is hard TO realize. "a polite
man." said he, "is ono who listens with
interest to things he knows ell about
when they are told by person who
knows nothing about them"
The Yankee says, "How-de-do p
tho Frenohman, "How do you carry
yourself y the italian, "How do you
stand r. the Dutchman, "How do you
fare ?'' the Swede, "How can you ?'
the Pole, cart thou gay 7" the Turk,
"May Allah prosper thee p and the
Quakers, "How IL thee ?"
A shabbily dressed woman called up.
on one of our citizens for aid, claiming
that she was in starving condition.
The citizen looked upon her plethoriC
form, estimating the avoirdupois Of tbs
superauous fat, and answered: "You
don't lock like starving woman" 81
know !" she whiningly answered, "pu
bloated with grief"
Harry aud Charlie-aged fye snd
three respectively-have just been seat
cd at their nursery table for dinner.
Harry sees that there is but one orange
on the table, and Immediately sets up .
wailing that brings his mother 10 th,
scene. why, Harry, what are yor
crying forP she asks. "Be-beCauss
there amt any orange for Chaglie p
my father is farmer and an honest
man. said barkeeper Of the knock
down order the other day. "Yes,'
answered bis employer, "there's a greal
difference between you and him." ar
what way p asked the cocktail mixer
"Well, he tills the soil, and you sol
the TILL" was the reply Of the man VII,
had discOvered;A'big,hole in his none,
drawer.
Chow do you like the squash pie
Alfred r asked a young wife Of be
husband q few days after marriage
well, it is pretty good, but" "Bu
what J ! suppose yoa started 10 say tba
It isn't as Kgood as that which you
mother makes" "Well, yes, did in
tend TO say that: ::but-' "Well, Alfred
your mother made that very pie, an
sent it 70 me-"
'What areiyOu crying about I" aske'
kind hearted stranger of lad VII
was standing in front Of a newspape
Office, weeping as if bis heart woul'
break. 30, dads gone up stairs 10 licl
the editor" "Weli, has he come dow
Jet T. pursued the gentle Samaritan
"Pieces of him have, explained the boy
indulging in fresh outburst Of tear
"and I'm expecting the rest every min
ute.
One Of our..city pastors was attend
ing the Spring meeting Of a ministeria
association in the Northwest. A Ger.
tain minister, noted alike for his yer.
satility and warm zeal, was opening th
session with prayer. The day, whicl
he forgot for moment, was about a
Indictment as could be-rain, hail an
stormy wind. He prayed : "oh, Lord
we thank Thee for this gathering, 70
tbe privilege Of meeting with each oths
once more, fer the beautiful weather
which We had last Fall.D
Cesar's mistake: "Boss, will You To-
me how to make root beer r. asked
colored man Of clerk in drug store
q day or two ago. "Yes, I will. Tax
q hickory stick, three gallons of wate
an old hat, quart Of molassess,a pape
OF tacks and pound Of cayenne pspps
and boil and skim and set in . co,
place "Say dat ag'n, boss, 80 I O.
disremember." The clerk repeated b
directions and the customer brought b
| fist down on the counter with the Q,
clamation /: 81 sees where / spilled N
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