Connecticut western news., 1884-05-28
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WIT AND WISDOM.

Or all sad words, the bankers soy the saddest are these, "We cannot pay"
 TIE Wall street version of an old say ing is "The man who speculates is lost" IF bad temper were a fever there wouldn't be hospitals enough to hold us all
 CONTEMPT of court-iho little brother making faces at his sisters best young man.
 THE Eastutesewing machine agent wears side-whiskers so as to give his chin free play.
 GRANT now gets his name in the papers as often as if he was a baseball player.
 ANOTHER heiress. coachmau elopement. Some girls do have to be driven into love. -Bye.
 JENNm-"what is dudep' "welI, dude is a 50.cent man in a 50-dollar suit of clothes"
 CoNoREssNmN will now proceed to send out their turnip seed. Each member is allowed eight hundred packages.
 A TRAMP says the worst thing about his profession is the fact that benevolent people will persist in offering him work.
 THE spring is coming Papas hoar,
 And take this pointer straight
 You'd better ix tho hinges on The moonlight swinging gate.
 TIE leaves are coming out finely, and before long the caterpillar will drop down the back of the neck of her whom he loves best
 THERE are twenty-nine circuscs on the road this season, but only twenty.eight white elephants. The other ono got caught in a shower.
 AMERICA exported 750,000,000 eggs last year to England, and Germany ex. ported 15, ,0Oo,0 to this country. The hens seem to be working at cross pur- poses.
 A CORRESPONDENT asks. "What shall I get for moths ?" There is nothing that gives n moth or a lady greater pleasure than seal-skin sack. Suppose you try it.
 WHAT sensation a letter-carrier could create if he would tell all he knows about other peoples affairs, says an ex- change Perhaps; but would it be healthy for him?
 A CONTEMPORARY has an editorial en- titled "How Jay Gould Stands" We suppose he stands on his feet. But a man worth Sl000OO,0 900 can stand on his head if he wants to.
 A YOUNG lady being asked by m ao. quaintance whether she had any original poetry in her album, replied; "No, but some of my friends have favored me with original spelling"
 A SOUTHERN negro bet that he could knock a hog over by bucking him with his head. He not only lost the bet, but injured himself severely in the attempt. So much for Buckingham.
 IN the blizzard country. Man, point ing musingly over the hills and far away: "Yes, came west to look after my property. am looking after it now. There go the house and barn |"
 TIE old lady who was asked what she would do with all the corn if it could not be made into whisky, replied: "f would make it into starch to stifTen the back bone of the temperance people,"
 ABOUT as mad man as ever came ont of an opera house was the young man who had just started his first mustache. He got wrathy because some one in the audience shouted: "Down in front ]"
 "wHY is it. said m ex-governor Co an old acquaintance, "that when I am out of office you never speak to mo?" "Be- cause" the acquaintance replied, "when you are in office you never speak to me"
 TIE difference this year between the owner of circus aud the fast young man is that one paints his elephant and the other paints the town. And they both blow about it-Dctrott Free Press.
 rnE TARIFF
 What is it causes all this fuss
 This everlasting bowling musa ala t1ss FEs sVt