Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1884-04-01
THE TALE OF A SHIRT.

THE TALE OF A SHIRT
In the course of confidential CONVEX
sation with friend who had recently
had two new shirts made, we learned in
cidentally that the style of building
shirts had radically changed, and that
they were being made TO button in front
instead of at the back of the neck. The
news was so good that we could not be-
lieve it until we had it directly from
shirtmaker, who showed us the ground
plan and front elevation that had been
prepared by architects for the erection
of some fine shirts for our best citizens,
and sure enough the old fashion of fold
ing doors in front, instead of storm
door between the shoulder blades in the
back, was the fashion. We have never
felt so much like passing resolution Of
thanks to the shirtmakers, and resolu-
ton of coincidence to parties who have
got to wear the old ones, in our life.
Those shifts thai, button in the back
have been the cause of more profanity
than any one thing. Shirts that button
in tho back have been the cause OF
crime. Religious societies cannot pros
per as they should when the male popu-
lation has to reach over its head, and
away around to the back of the neck to
button its shirt Talk about spending
thousands OF dollars to find the North
pole; if half the money spent in that
way was offered as reward for the de-
lection of the man who invented shirts
that buttoned in the back, and he could
be turned loose among men that have
suffered for years by his devilish con-
trivance, it would be well expended.
For fourteen years the men Of this
country have been slaves to this absurd
fashion, and more arms have been
cramped, shoulders dislocated and backs
bent than would be believed by those
who have not seen it. The spectacle of
q mild-mannered man, after getting into
his shirt, making a contortionist of him
self, IN acrobat, trying to get on the
other side of himself to button his shirt
the back way, is sad indeed. Statistics
show that buttons on the back of shirt
always come off the second week, and in
the place of the thin, oyster shell button
that comes with the shirt, the housewife
always sews on big drawers button,
four sizes larger than the button hole,
and, if he gets the button in the hole, the
hole has to be "bushed" or a washer
put on the button next time. Go through
our prisons and you will find that the
criminals, the bad men, wear shirts that
button in the back. They have been
driven to life of crime by letting their
tempers get the best of them while |
searching blindly for button with one
hand, and button-hole with the other,
when their backs were turned. They go
from home mad, and commit crime to !
get even.
The bare idea of having shirts that
open in front will give feeling of rest
to tired back-aching humanity. To
stand up TO the glass and button shirt,
and see what you are about, will be bliss
indeed. The thought of generous
slit in the bosom of shirt, where ones
hand may wander, is elysium. There
are times-we say it advisedly-there
are times when the best of us want to
put hand inside shirt bosom; but
with the old shirt that buttons in the
back a man might as well be burglar
proof safe, with the combination lost. as
to try to get in. With the old shirt it
would be absolutely necessary to hire
hand.
A mans stomach has been sealed
book for fifteen years, with the old boil
er-iron bosom, with no port holes. Oc-
casionally a mans heart aches, and if
he could put hand on it, without going
around the back way and sneaking in
under the arm, lie could tell by the
feeling whether it was unrequited affec-
ton that allied him or rheumatism. With
the new shirt IN exploring expedition
can he sent to the seat OF the disease
before it is everlastingly loo late.
Men have been wounded, and before
they could be turned over and NE en-
trance to the shirt found they have bled
to death. The old back-action shirt is
a'iraud, and the new one is daisy. 1t
may I've said by some that the new open
osame shirt will show to tlls world the
color Of the undershirt 1t might if one
was going to use his shirt bosom for o
pillow, but few do that. And, even il
they did, that is the only way the world
can know that O man wears o silk I'M
dersLirt, with monogram on the 'front.'
We hail the new open-winter shirt with
delight, and are sure the public will
when they once get their hand in.-
Pecks Sun.
-s.~aN+s.