Connecticut western news., 1884-04-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

NEW vERsroN-Boys, boys, boys, the tramps are marohingl
 ONE goose may be told from another by the difference of pinion.
 WAITING for a rise-The young lady who hangs on to strap in horse-car.
 A BOWMAN" owns his own cattle. A "cowboy" is one who works for "cow- man."
 WHAT is laughter asks n scientist It is the sound that you hear when your hat blows off
 Do NOT force upon thy neiPhbor . hat that hurts thine own head" is a Hindu proverb.
 A YOUNG woman is about to open a cigar store. We have no doubt she will have capital to back her
 Ir makes red.nosed man very angry to have little girl ask him in the pres- ence of others if it hurts any.
 ''MAN over. bored l' exclaimed the office-boy as his boss vainly endeavored to refute the arguments of book agent.
 A MnKMAN who imagined he was un- observed was seen recently batting a pump on the back in most afiectionate manner.
 X POLITICIAN remarked lately that he was opposed to Trade Dollar Bill, aud thought a silver trade dollar already bad enough.
 "WHlT are pauses ?" asked the teach. CT of the primary class. "Things thnt grow on cats, " piped tho small hoy at the foot.
 SUMMARY of the Government policy in Egypt Ca suggestion from the Opposition benches)-"Small profits and quick re turns r'-LoRdon Punch.
 TIE young lady who can peel a potato in five minutes is as useful as the young woman who speaks five languages is sue. cessful. .-C Chicago StU.
 4 MICHIGAN minister who was about to be married asked the official Co whom he applied for a license if he didn't make discount to the trade.
 ANXIOUS Father, the parent of eight daughters, writes to ask how he can in- duce the young men to come and get acquainted with them. Kill your dog, sir.
 MR. VANDERBILT, says a local paper, says he has no politics; must be awful stiugy, having such loads of money as he has and politics cheaper in New York than anywhere else.
 A COMPANY has been organized that is now actually providing the people of New York with cheap cabs. We may yet live to see company that will fur nish us with cheap plumbers.
 CHARLES PEAnsALb, Of New York, ate 360 eggs in five days. He won q wager of S5, but we should think he would be ashamed to look hen in the face for five years. .-- NorristoGn Herald.
 WHEN Artemus Ward stopped at the Salt Lake House it was a temperance hotel. He says there was nothing sold there stronger than butter, but that was real strengthy. City Derrick
 A WESTERN man seeks divorce on the ground that his wife makes bad cof- fee. Although heseems to have grounds enough for his action. an effort ought 10 be made to settle it.-Phi,d. CdH.
 "No," SAID Kentuckian, "the title of Colonel in this State does not indi- cate that it's possessor is military man by any means. It simply goes to show that he is willing to set up the drinks between drinks"
 "SHE lost her money" said the female stock broker, in court, "because she was bull when she ought to have been a bear" A man loses his money on Wall street not so much by being a bear as by being A doubled.dyed don- key.
 A QUESTION for puzzle solvers: Tn waltzing with young lady not over 17 years, pretty, and one of the never-get- dizzy sort, does the young man go around the young lady, or does the young lady go around the young man2-Hartford Sunday Journal
 ELLEN TERRY reports that New York contained the handsomest, and Chicago and Baltimore the loveliest, women whom she has encountered in this coun. try. We had no idea that Boston girls spent so much time away from home -- Boston Transcript.
 A "HELP" applying for a situation the other day was asked if she could make good bread, whereupon she replied i; "Yes m, very good bread, indade; but I think it only fair to tell yez that they wouldn't ate it at the last place wuz in. That was why I lift. I hope ye're more aisy here"
 MAMMA" said little Frank Potter, "who was my oldest grandfather-my great.great-great. grandfather, on and on, as far back as you can gor "Why, I suppose it must have been Adam, !" said Mrs. Potter. "Adam ?' said Frank, "wen, never knew before that Adam was Potter"
 RETROSPECTIVE - Lady - "Here, my poor man, is ticket for a dinner at the soup kitchen; and you can eat Ns much there as will suffice for tomorrow and the day after" Mendicant-"rhanky kindly, mum; but I'd rather like first to eat enough for yesterday and the day afore, if it would make no difference to you to write that down on the ticket "-- Judy.
 On, no, you don't "augh and grow fat" That idea is all wrong. The sen- tence should be reversed. You grow fat and laugh. When you fat up you l h.... ---.....II.s... IA 1nnrh I,r and