The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1884-01-28
COL. RIED'S LADY REPORTER.


the minister's alliance; but in the lin
tied resources of Western journalism,
where reporter is liable to glOat over
q dog fight one moment, and in the
next penetrate the hallowed circle Of
home, with all its beautiful and holy
traditions, and write up scandal, she
is vast and monumental failure. | do
not mean this as slur upon lady jour
naliSis at large, but as a solemn warb-
ing to them that they had better not be
at large in the wild, untutored West;
and, if they have any aspirations, to by
all means confine them to contributions
to those thrilling serials entitled House
hold Hints and useful Recipes
which are to be found in all well-regu-
lated journals. The glittering and
vivacious personalities popular beyond
the Missouri, the tact required to ex-
plain to 205-pound man how his name
crept INTO the police reports, to say
nothing of the inaccessible location of
the free lunches, would all tend to make
lady reporter discouraged and wish
she was dead; while her close sleeves
and pocketless jersey would give the
other sex such an enormous advantage
over her in the poker games at the
Press Club that she would be reduced
to constant perjury. These are things
which are prone to be overlooked in the
glad, girlsh enthusiasm of the moment,
but they are cold, deathless facts, all the
same.
| always told Colonel Ried that it was
most unnatural thing to suppose that
Providence ever intended n woman for
a reporter, so | was surprised and
shocked when learned that he had en-
ployed one Ried was running the Do
Iores NeWS, had q good circulation in .
lively town, the county printing, and
was amasSing so much real estate that
few men stood higher that he on the de-
linquent taX-list wnen he took this i'll
advised and fatal step. He was a very
large, pompous gentleman, and the sus-
| picion prevailed at Dolores that he had
been great society mana regular
butterflv-hack East and, indeed, when
| the question whether it was good man
ners to carry bowie-knife in ones
| bootleg at a sOiree was agitating the
| best people of the town, it was finally
referred to him, as the leading authority
on etiquette in the country. The fact
was. though, the Colonel was really as
| timid as a hare in the presence of a
woman, and couldn't tell quadrille
from a quadroon at twenty yards; and,
| possibly. this dii1idence and inability TO
arlue the most trivial point with one of
the sex led to his employing her. She
| was very Young, very pretty; and had a
singularly cOnfiding way of talking that
| put ordinary matters in the light Of con-
| fidential disclosures, and carried a GER
tain subtle, treacherous flattery with it
that sent an idiotic grin into the coun-
tenance of every man she talked to. 1t
| seems strange to me, now, that per
son OF the foresight of the Colonel could
not have had some foreboding of his
doom in all these things.
Wen, the first trouble was about the
exchanges Now. everybody know,
that it is a well established fact that q
newspaper with a piece cut out viii
make woman perfertlr desperate I'm
til she finds out what i was The con
sequence was that when Miss Nolan
that was her name ran across about {
hundred of them, all more or less mutt
lated b. Ricd i'll getting up his splc1
and original editorial notes, she settled
herself right down and WASH ayailabl,
for assignment for week. After tina
the Colonel read his exchanges in thu
count1ng-room and h d them in a scared
E hall hearted way under the stove when
: ever she came in.
A short time after that she remarked
one day, in the office, that Judge Cur
ran, down at the police court, was show
inc pariiaiit, TO the Eclipse representa-
tive, and Ried tod her to give him
good scoring She condensed he
wrath in one 1renchant line:
Judge Curran is hateful thing.
The Colonel, who prlded himself up
on his vigorous personalities, turne
pale and fed to the mountains for
| week when he read the item; but tn
Eclipse ever after alluded to him q
her and old Miss Ried, to his grea
Sc ret anguish.
The next thing s&e broke out in wa
mvster Gus little squibs, which she sea
te. ed through the local, and were de
n signed for the ediiication Of her bosOr
;, friends. They VIZ such occult on
s bursts, for instance, as these: kitty |
seemed to enjoy that ride very niue
with G. f. C.. Ask George K. abOl
t that ring sc, YOUR friend r. was i
town Yesterday These items create
t grave mi-trust among the hone,
miners of Dolores, and the rumOr star
o ed by the Ecipse that they were h
" passwords for horse-thief society. :
which Ried vas ecrctly a member an
thus communicated with the remaiudt
of the gang, wa accep ed a, the mo
e natural and probable rXpIanat on {
Of course the Oionei writted under thi
&c buj his pyplnna ions were received wit
ed general m7strust. The circulation
If, the Nclrs steadily fell off and he sa
ii with consternat on hat There was
3, slowly spreading belief in tie con
nd muniiv, f, m the extraordinary articl,
as that rcntinaliy appeared in his co
umns, that he was growing gradual
ina This the EclipSe nsiduous
. fcsiered fy copying tie most remark
), bic of them with Ome such hriat foo
note as this:
n The above l. from yes, e oday's Nous. WI
" can administer to a mind diseasedf
Or.
We do not reproduce the above from t
.NetCs 10 goat over Il q fact which the pu
: lie have long been cognIzant of. but a co
= | vincing proof that it is now time for friends
:, | interfere.
Folks began to shun him on the stree
Old acquaintances would meet hiI
shake their heads sadly and walk ava
leaving him speeches. with rage. Rui
the Felipe remarked. was the on
-, thing that stared him in the face, al
- then pleasantly allied the attention
the police to the fact that crimes mig
, be committed in the lonely and desert
business office of the Net0S, and nobo
: find out about them for weeks a.
| weeks.
As the advertising columns shran
Miss Nolan GREW in proportion into
q hideous nightmare that pursued Ri
81 in his waking hours and haunted h
& in his dreams She was like an 80
i Man of the Sea, who had settled doy
aI upon him, and he spent solid mont