Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-16

People are getting SO suspicious now that
| it would not be surprising any Sunday to
| see the deacons using bell punch with the
contribution box.-Boston Commercial Bull
| letin.
Siam is the place where there are neither
Jews nor swine, said person to Roths-
| child once. d" Indeed, )" was the reply. "Let
| us go and exhibit ourselves there. Jewish
Messenger.
F'What a lovely face Mrs. Augur has in
| repose! Perfectly beautiful, don't you think
so?" "I can't say. never saw it in re-
pose" Indeed! Do you know the lady
very well?' 'FI ought to. am her husband -
New York Graphic.
Complimentary Cooper has. fine
pointer, but Bob Macarthur has none. 1" Let
us go out hunting to morrow ~ said Bob to
Jim. &C But you haven't got any dog ~ "Of
course haven't. If I had a dog, wouldn't
want you to go along with me. Texas Sift-
ings.
A chronic vagrant was up before the Aus
tin Recorder yesterday. 'tHow is it that you
can't find any work to do when there is such
demand for laborers just now?" sI don't
want to find any work, i" was the candid re-
sponse; ''I am president of the Laboring
club. Texas Siftings.
A tramp stopped at house in Main street
the other day and asked for something to eat.
(Which do you like best?' asked the hired
girl; F'steak or chops'' The tramp hesitated
minute and then replied, "Chop." "Step
right this way" said the hired girl. "Here's
the axe and there's the wood-pile. ."-Burling-
ton Free Press.
''Do you think there is any seashore place
equal to Nantasket?" asked an enthusiastic
South Shore man. fFWell,' said Spicer, as
he picked up boys top and thoughtfully
placed it peg upwards in the fat boarder's
favorite chair: 'I think the steamboat land
ing is the pier of Nantasket. Boston Com
mercial Bulletin.
At fashionable ball, Miss Gattlefry, who
is rather careless in expressing herself, ap-
proaches Mr.. McPeal, and says: "supper is
ready. Why don't-you take lady to eata"
'FBe-be-because, replied the suffering
McPeal. 81 ner-ner-ner-never e-e-e-
eat ladies'" Smart man, but he ought to
be kined.-Arkansaw Traveller.
He was Chicago manufacturer of butter
inc. He reached home from trip down
South, and entered his Office with the re-
mark to his partner: "Smith, all is lost!"
'ENo! What's the matterg' ''Why, we have
got to use at least ten per cent. of pure but
ter in our article, or find ourselves driven
from the southern markell" 'Is that ala
Then cheer up. If we must increase the per
cent. of butter from five to ten, let us find
substitute for the tallow. Let us expert
ment with asphalt or glue!'-Detroit Free
Press.
English editorial on American politics:
F'The yearly gubernatorial election in the
United States is likely to result in victory
for the Wings. The Federalists, under the
leadership of Mr.. Blaine, who was recently
nominated for Mayor of Chicago, are hope
full of success. This now distinguished party
leader was brought from the Sandwich Islands
by Mr.. Barnum and exhibited as the tat
tooed man. Having learned something of
American politics while travelling around the
provinces, he abandoned the show business
and devoted himself to the work of writing
book. The advance proof sheets show such
insight that he was at once taken from his
lowly condition and placed prominently be-
fore the people Mr.. Tilden, the prominent
barrel maker, has declined to vote in the
coming election.-Arkansaw Traveller.
If the yolk of an egg is spelt yelk,
The past tense of speak must be spelk,
But if you should say,
6 / was checked today
Folks would call it, " a hang of jelk."
Burlington Free Press