Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-04-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

Winter: Flippy, drippy, nippy. Spring:
Showery, howery, bowery. Summer:
Hoppy, croppy. poppy.
Having asked the startling question,
What is a What?" and received no
answer, Rev. Joe Cook is now trying
TO find out (Which is whichever"
A New York man claims to have
cured two brothers of snoring simply
by repeating loudly the words Don't
snore" He fails to say what he hit
them with.
Adoring one Gin lavender kids and a
blue scarf: go! how | wish / were
that book you clasp so loyinglyr' She:
How | wish you were, SO that / could
shut you up!'
An old. lady from one of the rural
districts astonished clerk in one Of
the stores by inquiring if they had any
''yaller developments, sich rs they did
up letters in. -
The collegian's passport: mo, "
said the college man, Il don't care
copper whether | get a degree or not;
I've got my bones pin,
and that's passport into any society"
She-Dearest husband, dear Otto, I
love thee indeed too much; there hast
thou 4 kiss. He-Very fine, Marie!
But now ut the last of the month l can
not for thee new seal sacque buy
French Fun.
1t is said that when JAY Gould visited
his yacht Atalanta and was shown the
quarter deck, he remarked to Mr.
Cramp: ''Do you not think that such
an elegant boat should have at least
lcIe - I IL,
TO afford it.
There is no period in fond moth
er's life when she is happier than i'm
mediately after her first baby has cut
his first tooth. :" And there is no period
in that baby's life when he is more I'M
happy than Immediately after his
mother has cut his hair.
80 hot water is q great cure, is it?
Well, | shan't let any of my boarders
ret sick for want of that medicine.
Just put another half gallon of water
in that oyster soup, Maria, and | guess
you had better take out the oysters
now; it might be too rich.
Don talk to me about beginning
at the bottom of the ladder!" observed
''crushed'' actress to friend; / be-
gar there ten years ago and I'm there
still. Ii it was to do over again, I'd
begin at the top. It's much easier to
fall down than to climb up
Dolly Sexton, of Mount Lebanon, has
been with the Shakers of that place
since she was years old. She is 10Y
now. In any other community she
would probably be not over 40 But
there is no excitement to a WOman's
romancing about her age among the
Shakers.
San Francisco woman begged hard
to be allowed to marry a man who was
to be hanged the next day. The sheriff
was tender-hearted man and refused
her request. He said hanging was as
severe punishment rs the wretch de-
served, and one 'roping i'm was
enough
Richard Charnley an immigrant,
who has been in this country but
year, has fallen heir to 500, OOO"
He isn't SO fortunate as the majority OF
immigrants, who usually rise to affiu-
ence in Il few months by being elected
IN alderman and running saloon as
diversion.
The Second Adyentists have set the
18th day of next November as the date
for the end of the world. AS this will
be election day, it is hoped the final
smash will hold off until the evening,
SO we can ut least make 4 rough guess
Ut how the thing has gone. Christian
at H0rb
lit has been stated and some sports
man will, no doubt, be sorry to hear it,
that a lishing-pole has been invented
that registers every fish caught. This
will 10 away with all the fish-stories,
inasmuch rs the angler with u pole
that doesn' register will always be re-
garded with suspicion.
If it will hold in check the rush of
lecturers to our shores, let the idea
continue to prevail in England that
outside the city limits of New York and
Boston the people live by hunting the
wild beasts of the forests, ana that
among them the coonskins and wolf
scalps are used for currency
MY dear" implored husband,
will you be kind enough 10 sew some
buttons on my oyercoa,? They are
nearly al off = Il am very sorrv.''
replied the wife with u COX of real
regret rs she fastened he onnet on.
L
haven't I moments time % spare I
am late for the sewing soci' IS it is"
1t is well enough to adv Young
man to overcome all obSt: c.,e by tax
ing the bull by the horns, IA when
the youth is in the mi.,u.r OF 4 field
and the bull is COMING ward him
with his head down ana ~ all lashing
the air the young man prv rrs 10 take
wholesome to take the h"U bv the
horns under those c.rrumstances.-
NorYiSt0lUn Herald.
Merchant-The article is lirst-class,
madame, and at $15O ward is very
cheap. III we hadn't cot four months
time on tiff we hadn't bought it on
credit-we couldn't sell it to YOU at
that price. If we had paid cash it
would have cost you s. q yard, ma
dame. Mrs. Brownies, l know it
must be cheaper to buy on time. My