Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-07-04
ORR KALEIDOSCOPE.

OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.
An exchange says that two thousand Phil.
adelphia shoemalsers are striking. That is
precisely what they are doing all over the
world.
A writer on health advises people TO Give
in the sum-" Owing to the present made
qua,e facilities for transportation, and the
high price of real estate on that luminary
we should not advise any of our readers to
emigrate there this season.
"What Is this ~ asked bore of West
ern editor, as he got up to examine long
strip of paper pasted on the wall-'minutes
for new dictionary of profanityT "Oh
no." replied the editor, nonchaantly
chat IS only list of adiectves to be ap-
piled to my esteemed contemporaries during
the election campaign"
writes poetry 10 his sleep. Weknow good
many poets who are in the same category,
although they don't know
The California Indians have organized a
number of base ball clubs. 1t is secretly un-
derstood 10 be only scheme for getting the
scalps of the umpires.
A package of sawdust, addressed TO
O'Donovan Rosa, was sent through the post
office by wag at Nashville, Tenn. TIE
postoflice clerks were awfully scared, until
one of them plucked up courage enough 10
I, o,I hat ha
were marked, not dynamite, but GRAINS
There are neither goats nor cows in Japan.
So the Japansese paragrapher las hard work
| to fill his column. Boston Post. SO long,
however, as there are mothers-iu- law the
mission of the paragrapher will never cease
A Massachusetts Democrat has got Il
patchwork quilt all ready to hoist instead
of flag, when the party nominations arc
made known. lie evidently intends to
represent the variegated complexion of
Democracy in this country
A young man in Syracuse has sent chal-
lenge to another for a banjo contest. This
will be pretty rough on the seconds and
friends of the contestants.
"A press of business will prevent my at
tendance" wrote young man to a friend.
The young man, it appears, was counting
an heiress.
GLOW to Take Care of a Husband" is an
article in an esteemed contemporary. The
average woman knows how to take hair Of
her husband without any printed direc.
TONS
Whistler, the artist, telegraped to Oscar
Wilde, on the occasion of the latter's mar.
ragc Fear may not be able to reach
you in time for ceremony. Don't wait.
Oscar didn't wat. He was MORALLY afraid
the great artist would get there in time to
make an etching Of the ceremony.
CuaIosITIEs OF ORTHodRArnY.
If the yoke Of an egg is spelt yelk.
The past tense of speak must he spelk,
But If you should say
"Iwas near checked to-day
Folks would call it, "a hang of jelk.
Here is mathematical definition for Il
average fisherman A rye-;anglei try ar
gle.
SIS there anything higher than boy
ambition ?" asks Ella Wheeler Wilcox. Yes
Ella; peaches are higher.
The last excuse Of confirmed lippler, Wit
has had all his arguments knocked from un-
der, is that "All nature smiles
| A hotel 10 the shape of an elephant ha
been built al CoLey Island. The baggag
of guests will be kept in tue trunk.
A plumber insulted q comrositor on Ii
8 types got done with him he was a very badl
pied piper inleed.
A man stepped into III. Office of one @
our temperance leaders, the other day, an
,, asked, "Do you want some information &c
g the cause?" YES, replied the temperate
man, snatching up his hat. Il will 60 rgt
along with you" They walked to the cor
! ner of the block, and then the informe
pointed toward the northern horizon and RI
t marked, -"See those black clouds up there
y |, Yes" "Well, there's storm brewing on
/ there, aud if you hitch right up you may g
a there in time to stop it,"
SIS there any truth in the report of yol
embarrassment ?" asked friend of your
Business man. "Yes, am sorry to say the
isl "To what extent, may l ask? 2" 81
n the extent of getting the mitten from her"
- "What do you suppose is the motto of Of
- new ladies' society,"" asked Mrs. Blobson
- her husband. "Give it up" said Mr.
- ''No it isn't" reptile Mrs Blobson, indi
y, nantly cts never mind ?" First rate
G, exclaimed Blobson. Suppose you try it o
Re once in while, when come home late fro
N my club-wil you? ?"
"a The following uncredted piece of advi
y to confirmed drinkers we found floatil
Al about in our heap Of exchanges, and it is
1T good We cannot resist appropriating il
H. Liquor dealers pay on an average 81 +
NJ gallon for whiskey. One gallon contains
)n average Of sixtY-llve drinks, aud, at
Of cents drink, the poor man pays $3.50 I
or gallon for his whiskey. Ia olher words,
pays 50 for tie whskey aud $3.50 to t
C man for banding it over the bar Make 70
a wife your barkceper. Lend htr 81 to b
ID a lallon Of whisky for a beg nuiug, IA
10 every time you want drink go and psy I
Wy cents for it. BY the time you have drunk
~ gallon she will have $3.50 or enough to I
nd fund the 81 borrowed from you, 81 to p
for another gallon of whiskey, and balar
- OF 80 80. She will he ahlr To cnndnci fnti