The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-12-25
STAGE-STRUCK.
Spoopendykes Cruel Criticism of
His Wife's Histrionic Attempt.

my DEAR said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
contemplating herself in the glass as she
removed her hat and gloves. "My
dear, wasn't the theater just too sweet
for anything! Do you know, I think l
would like TO 60 on the stageP''
Like to drive, perhaps" suggested
Mr.. Spoopendyke.
q mean act, = replied his wife. 81
think | could do it as well as any of
those women tonight. Do you know
much about theaters2 Is It hard?''
No. grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke,
tugging at his boots. ..It would be
very easy for you. All you have to do
is stand around and talk, and you won t
want any rehearsals for that y
q But would have to practice twist
ing around SO as to fall in that mans
arms like she did, mused Mrs. Spoop-
endyke. II don't think could do il
as gracefully as she did without trying
several tines, 2
:" That S the part you want to play, is
itP'' growled Mr.. Spoopendyke, with a
shade OF green in his eye. You let
me see you fall on any mans shoulders
BKe that, ard you'll find no trouble in
getting twisted around a few times.
What's your idea in going on the stageP
Have you got stomach full of devo-
tion to art like the rest of the women of
this generation? Got sort Of notion
that You can go on the boards and show
the old stagers how it's done, haven t
ye? Feel the fires of histrionic genius
climbing up your spine, don't We? Well,
yon don't! It's nothing but your meas
ly vanity.
Don't you think would know how
to act?' she asked, pulling her erimpt
over her forehead, assuming d stern ex-
preston of visage, and stretching her
arms down rigidlv at her sides. q This
Is the way would foil the villain. .
. Is that what you call itan inquired
Mr.. Spoopendyke, nursing his knee and
giowering upon her. ''It looks more
as if you Were bidding against another
woman for q secondhand hair-cloth
sofa at an auction If that sort of thing
is calculated to foil the villain, he must
be pretty light in the waist
Il don't KNOW smiled Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, rubbing her chin. "In all the
plays l have ever seen, they ALWAYS
drive the bad man off with a naughty
look. Say, dear, isn't this the way to
welcome husband after a long alb
sence?o and she parted her lips. gazed
eagerly into space and extended her
arms.
That's the way to hail street.
carl grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke. IL
you want to make the welcome to the
husband perfectly natural, you ought
to have the smell of onions in the hal
and your back-hair in your mouth.
Ihatt the kind of welcome ALWAYS
get
No you don't, either,'' protested
MRS. Spoopeadyke. 81 always run
right up to you and kiss your
Well there's smell of onions about
1T somewhere, persisted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. What makes you stick Tour
arms out like andirons?' he demanded.
You look as if you were trying to keep
Anyhow, that's the way they do it. -
argued Mrs. Spoopendyke, a trifle
abashed. Then, when they get the
letters telling them that their uncle has
speenlated away all their property, they
60 Ike this, and Mrs. Spoopendyke
Threw her hand to her forehead, stag
gered back, and caught hold of chair.
Which does like that, the uncle OF
the property?n asked Mr.. Spoopendyke,
P4Hln0 -fbQ L
laFor. 1t looks something like the
property at the tail end of the specula-
lon, but it resembles more accurately
ene uncle buying lower berth for Can
I meant it for the orphan who had
Deen despoiled, ? murmured Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, Strengthening up and looking
rather downcast 1T was intended for r
an attitude of despair. How would YOU
ao Y this waypn and she sank into the
ehalr, covered her face with her hands
and sobbed violently.
II wanted to give the impression of
. aght boot and corn I should do it lust
'iia1 way, growled Mr.. Spoopendvke.
should | throw my arms forward
aselessly and let my head fall sop she
ton. ''UAe " 'lio Y q'ies-
mats more ike it, assented MIR.
1oopendyke with grin. ..People
.a.as aao, ,hadn + seen the play before might
s,slliA you We're counting the pieces for
~ WashWoman, but the orchestra
would understand it,
oon t care, . demonstrated Mrs.
ea,ss esaa',gsopehdyke; II know could act if /
as MN set chance. Now see me scorn
over when ] find out that be loves