Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1884-03-19
WIT AND HUAfOIs.

Are not reluctant Why stculdn't man?
Toronto G!0be.
wIT AND HUMOR.
lt was sson Of Elm who asked the
meeting 70 excuse him from serving on
: commlttsc because he expected to BE-
unexpectedly called away.
"A paper describing an accident says:
ssDr. Crawford was called, and, under
his prompt and skillful treatment the
young man died Wednesday night"
Charlotte Bronte says: women feel
Just - mon fecl." Charlotte has evil
IDENTITY has some experience In feeling
after the matches In a dark room, and
knows how 1t Is herself.
'.Why don't you got up - early ~
you used to > few days agop" asked .
wife Of her la1y husband. because.
my dear. It's Sleep year." he GRAINED,
q be turned over for another Q
II come Of preferred stock" re-
marked = prominent Israclits on Wall
street. ..Iiow Il thata' asked a friend.
fare not the Jews = chosen pcoplef"
VA the response.
A German professor has figured It
out that man came from tho bear. and
while We can scarcely bear to think Of
such = thing. it may DO so. for surely
mon and women love to hug ~ bears
do
II pride myself on my descent" said
. spinster Of uncertain age recently.
'sOne Of my ancestors came over with
the Conqucrer." (which was It,"
cried . cruel wit, ..your father o. your
motherr"
gallons Of brandy fell annually to the
share Of each inhabitant. The custom
VA discontinued many years ago.
hence American immigration into
Sweden Is unknown.
There Is . difference between Christ
mas and the Fourth Of July. Christ
mas comes but once . year, and when
It comes it brings good cheer. The
Fourth Of July brings three cheers and
. tiger.
Three million dollars Is said to be
tho fortune Of Miss Aver, the daughter
Of the patent medicine man. There are
lots Of young men in danger OF suffoca-
ton, OF. At least who are painting for
Aver.
Unprepossessing Old Bachelor. And
why do you think / ought to get mar
ricd, Miss Mabc.P Miss Mabel Jagged
12).-Oh, you look rs though you need
ed somebody to take care Of you and
o goodness, you didn't think / said that
to lead you on, did you7-LV.
We wouldn't have believed it had
we not secn 1t In a reputable print, but
they do say that the women in Corea
adorn their heads with bands of falsc
hair! But, then, what better could you
expect Of bcnightcd pagans.-Boston
Transcript.
Tho Texas SIT ings sn~ccringly re-
marks that :" ii you want your grave
dug in Memphis they mako you pay
cash in advance" There is nothing
very wrong in that. Once allow . man
TO try OF his grave and he will never
come back to pay for it.
A man always finds out there is Z
h0lo In the bottom Of his stocking. He
makes the discovery when he takes his
boots of at night and puts his foot
down on = hot register to warm. He
rarely forgcts to speak right out abont
ii.
A medical man said: II found on
examination q confusion Of the integu-
ments under the orbit. with extravAsa-
ton Of blood and echymosis Of the
surrounding cellular tissue, which wa
in = tumcticd state with abrasion Of tho
cuticlc." Tho thing thus described
was q black eye.
Il trust your daughter is not onc Of
those tame, spiritcss sort Of girls that
sometimes apply to MS for situations
and arc too baslful TO till thcm?" said
n s~hopkcepcr TO q father who was
seeking employment for one Of hia
children, .tSir." he replied indignant.
~. ''my daughter has red hair"
It was his first attempt on roller
skates. aud rs they brought him TO ID
y;ou. boys, that WAS gorgeous. I mus
have knocked in the whole dome d
heaven, the way those stars flew round
"A St. Louis man tripped on . rug ri
the door Of his bedroom. slid down 4
long flight Of stairs, crashed through a
glass door, down the stone door-stcps,
rolled ACROSS the yard out through the
open gate. crossed the sidewalk on the
dead side. and brought up like an ava
lanche against = trce-box. by hea7-
en-" he said Is he limped back 70 the
house, ''that trce-box might have been
the death Of me. II l can find the child
who left the gate open I'll wear out q
~skate-strap on him."
One Of Ella Wheclcr's Poems oil
Passion" begins: ..She touches my
cheek and I quivcr-I tremblc with cx-
quisite pair; she sighs-like an over
charged river. my blood rushes on
through my veins; she smiles-and in
. mad tiger fashion, ~ 3 tiger fondlea
her own, ! clasp her with . fiercenesa
and passion, and kiss her with shud.
der and groan." It takes about seven
teen drinks to put . Chicago man In 4
condition to discharge his feelings Ia
that style.
Mamma" said Beatrice, running
into her mothers room In her girlish,
0yer.SOLyear-old way, ..there's . man
| down stairs who wants 10 see you.n
whats his bloomin' namc?" asked
the Queen. He didn't say" "Are
his pantal00ns fringcd Al the bottom?''
.'Yes. mamma" replied Beatrice. land
he has . roll Of manuscript under his
arm" s'Han0ther John Brown poem,
Of my name hisn't Victoria Victim.
Tell Inn I am mot 1t 'ome, and il he
won't take no for an answer ave your