News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-08-21
WE'LL QUALIFIED.

Yes, L m QUICK.
Here the boy stepped his bare foot or
a hot horseshoe, and the blacksmith re-
marked:
"Weli, guess I'll give You trial.
You seem to be one of the quickest lit
tie boys ever saw. IN y Stm.
THE MOST DIFFICULT THING.
Chow glorious it is to be engaged in a
purely intellectual occupation" said a
Boston maiden, gazing rapturously into
the admiring eyes of country editor;
| 'your own mental faculties for tools and
the whole universe for workshop. Now
tell me-" she added, "what do you find
the most difficult thing connected with
your noble profession ?"
Paying the hands, said the editor.
| -PhiLd. Gail.
TIMES HAVE CHANGED.
Prospective Bride-"How long ought
a honeymoon to last, map"
Ma-"They usually last only a few
weeks, but knew one to last three
mon tbs"
elbow delightful Who was the
bride ?"
81 was"
"Perhaps mine will, too"
81 fear not. The country is not
troubled with sectional issues now"
"Why, what difference does that
make ?"
81 was married to your father the day
before he went off with the three
months volunteers. "-EUe'aing Call
WHAT THE BAD BOY GOT.
"Once upon a time" began the
teacher, "two brothers started to Sun
day school on Sabbath morning. Their
way led past fine peach orchard, where
the trees were hanging over with ripe,
luscious peaches. One of the brothers
proposed going into the orchard and
getting some of the fruit, but the other
refused and sped away, leaving his COM
panion greedily devouring the peaches.
Now it happened that the owner of the
orchard saw them, and the next day re-
warded the good boy, who refused to
steal his peaches, By giving him fifty
cents. He got prize for his honesty,
and what do you suppose the other boy
got for his dishonesty?"
"He got the peaches y yelled every
member of the class, and another peIl-
tentiary story was ended.-Aaan'@
Constitution.
NO DANGER OF SUICIDE.
They were talking about an ONO
man.
''So," says No. 1, "I understand BIS
wife has run away, his house burned
down and his fortune lost and the deuce
to pay generally"
"It's too true," was the reply, "and e
B. is very sensitive man. l am told
he is almost crazy over his troubles"
"I heard he was in such condition
that his friends feared he would commit
suicide. Do you think there is any
danger of that? ?"
ssPshawl All fol de rol. He won't
kill himself. He holds a government
office. ."-Hdtcbet.
THE WRONG SHOE.
''Here, mister, you've dropped your
overshoe p shouted gentleman in q
Mission street car the otner Guy, sss .-.-
old man got out at a crossing and hoisted
his umbrella.
The old party didn't appear to hear,
so the kind hearted passenger seized
No. IL gum boot that lay on the fioor
and hurled it after the oblivious party,
his property taking him square in the
back of the neck as the car rolled away.
The passengers were all astonlshed
at the shoe-loser's irritation, for he shook
his fist augrily after the car and walked
off without picking up his rubber.
Everybody roared, especially the shoe
thrower, until little boy stopped eating
peanuts and said to him:
"I guess you dropped that shoe your
self, mister; you've got only one on"
The explosion nearly Jared the car
off the track. San Francisco Post.
MYSTERIES OF A BUoKET-sHoP.
"They called it 'bucket-shop, he
was explaining to the boys, 'and
dropped in to see what sort of buckets
they sold. They had some little ticking
machines, and blackboard, and man
with a loud voice and a pointer, and 1
mt ND S25 as margin on something or
other. and made $15 in less'n twenty
minutes"
sis it possible !"
"You bet And made up nv mindTd
have some more of it, and put up $40
as margin again on something or other
more, and in less'n twenty minutes
"Made $751;"
"No, ma'am. The fellow said 1 was
closed out, and had better come the
preparatory"
"What on earth is that p
"Why, grease my boots preparatory
to walk of twenty-five miles by the
dirt road to get home p Wall Street
NeaOS.
AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE.
''No, my children" said an uptown
physician, "never waste. anything, never
throw anything away. Some day you
may find use for it.
"How about banana skins, papa?'
"H-m-banana skins. Yes" replied
the doctor, thoughtfulIy, stroking his
chin, ''banana skins are a possible ex-
certion. You may throw banana skins
away"
STEADY YOUNG MAN.
"Jane, 1 hear your beau is little
wild, not very steady, they say"
ooh, yes he is; he is one of the most
steady young men 1 ever saw"
"Steady? Oh, no, he can't be. I've
heard he was anything else but steady"
"Well, he just is steady. He has
always come to the house every evening
since we wero engaged, drunk or sober"
argus.
MetamOrphOsed Tramp.
An unknown man whose feet were cut
off by a freight train at Erie. Penna.