Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-06-25
HUMOROUS SHEARINGS.

money in brokers' hands and when he
calls for it it is all gomez Boston
Times.
A Louisville paper says, "A colored
man fell of the wharf yesterday morn
ing and died, being unknown" Had
he been well acquainted then, we sup
pose he would have swan out Bur-
ington Hawkeye.
AN agricultural exchange, in an arti-
Gle on "How to Feed Horses" mentions
feeding "corn in the ear as one way.
This may be an economical way, but it
must be excessively painful to the
horse Graphic.
FIRST swELL-"By Jove, Fred, that
is quite the highest collar I've struck
yet" Second swell-"Think so, old
man? Well, I don't mind telling you
it's little idea of my own. It's one of
the governors cuffs"
"YEs, sir" said the hungry man as he
entered a New Jersey hotel, 81 want
dinner, and I want it bad" From
what we know of New Jersey hotels,
we haven't the infnitesimal atom of a
shadow of doubt that he got it bad
New York Paper.
"PA," saida Chicago small boy, as he
observed a man coming up the street
who seemed to wish the sidewalk was a
little wider, sis that delegate ?" 81 do
not know, my son., answered the old
gentleman; she has the symptoms, at
least. - Boston Post.
The thirty Mohammedans travelling
with Forepaugh's show five times each
DAY piously kneel, turn their faces
towards the east, and repeat prayer.
We should think it would be necessary
for man travelling with circus to pray
at least five times day if he wished to
retain his grip on religion Norris
town Herald.
BOTH sides of a question: Eligible
bachelor Ito disciplinary, indeed /!
Do you think any sensible man would
marry girl with such waist as that
one upstairs?" That girl upstairs Ito
hostess -"Yes, it is very silly, and my
waist is terribly uncomfortable, but [
suppose I shall have to do it until am
married" = Life.
"DID Mr.. Yeast ever strike you as
being a man of great forcel" said COM
panion to young Crimsonbeak, the
other day at the club. well, yesp re-
piled the youth, as he recalled recent
experience after staying too late in the
parlor with that gentleman's daughter !;
that's about the way he struck me"-
Yonkers Statesman.
"LooK here, Miss Toantwo," said
Crimsonbeak to the village school
teacher : ''my boy says you kissed him
the other day for saying his lesson. Is
that so?' "Yes, sir" timidly replied
the spinster. "Well," continued Grim
sonbeak, "don't let that occur again.
If there is any Furnishing to be done,
I'll attend to him!"- Yonkers States
man.
ONE of the professors of the univers-
ity of Texas was engaged in explaining
the Darwinian theory to his class, when
he observed that they were not paying
proper attention. Gentlemen" said
the professor, "when I am endeavoring
to explain to you the peculiarities
of the monkey, I wish you
would look right at me- Texas Sift-
ings.
The First Baptist Church, of Salem,
n. Y, will have none other than mar
ried preacher. II the congregation is
addicted to seeking a semi-annual re-
venge in the shape of donation
party" married preacher is preferable.
A single man is not so situated that he
can furnish $25 feed when he is sur
prised with S. donation Norristown
Herald.
ScENE-National Theater. Belated
and frustrated auditor to usher" How
many acts are over?" Impressive usher,
sententiously-"On Belated and
frustrated auditor, breathlessly-
(Which one?" Impressive usher slugs
him with stony stare as he sidles down
the center aisle and fops into seat in
the bald headed row. Washington
Ratchet.
REMEMBER the poor" says an ex-
change. We will. We do. We can't
forget him. He charged us 50 cord
for saving wood and cut every last stick
of it four inches too long for any stove
in the house. We remember him.
And he Ii remember us, if we can ever
find him, and hire man to hold him
while we starve him to death. Burling-
ton Hawkeye.
No danger: Druggist-"l don't know
the man at all. He came into my store,
asked hurriedly for stirnulant, and
while I was getting it he died. Cloth
Ter next door)-"What did he die of %
Druggist-"He died in fit" Clcthier
-"I should hate to have a customer
die in fit in my store" Druggist
"Don't fear; no one ever will Phil
adelphia Call.
COWBOY, who was married the other
day, made the following speech after the
ceremony, and before the clergyman
could take off his surplice: SHOWS the
time to s'lute the bride. Step up, gen
tlemen; step up and help yourselves
This is yer last chance. Their amt
nothin' mean about me. I kin spar a
few, seem as how I'm to hev the hull
crap, after the first pickin."
AN English provincial newspaper has
correspondent in London who holds a
lucrative place under government, and