Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
SMILES FOR SUNDAY.
Science applied to Common
Life.
Daniel Websters Two Interviews With an In
nocent Client-A Fable Of the Coon,
tae Dog and the fox-A
New Society.
Detroit Free Press.

He sat by the stove In Michigan
avenue grocery store for full twenty
minutes without speaking. He spread
out his legs to encircle rs much of the
fire as possible, drew his sleeve across
his nose at regular intervals, and there
was strong smell of burning boot
leather as be finally looked up at the
grocer and said:
"Can you tell me why combustion
causes a draught?"
mo, sir" was the prompt reply.
ats positively wonderful how ignor-
ant the masses are on scientific sub
jects," continued the man, as he helped
himself to an apple. Can you tell me
why this isinglass in your stove is not
consumed by the heat?"
Iguess it's because you keep all the
heat off, was the sneering reply.
"You are q liar, sir, and you say that
to excuse your ignorance. Now, then,
what pressure does water exert on the
human body at depth of sixty feet?"
an exert pressure on your body II
you call me liar againw exclaimed
the grocer. "What do you want
herew
az want to ask IL you understand the
principle by which birds fly"
"You getout Of this! 1 have no time
to fool away with such nonsensew
"Nousensew piped the old chap;
"wLy, l don't believe you knew the
amount of oxygen you consume at each
respiration"
The grocer lay hold OF the nan to
draw him to the door, but he caught q
Tartar and was Topped on his back.
~ exerted force of about one-eighth
horse power to accomplish that" said
the old man as he knelt on the pros
trate body. "a dead blow Of twenty
pou nds from my fist would flatten your
nose, while two pounds additional
would crack your skull"
"Git of'd me or I'll slay YOU"
II seize your hair with clutch equal
to the grasp of a hand lifting fourteen
pounds of iron, and / bump your head
on the floor with force equal to nine
pounds"
"Let go my ba'rm yelled the grocer
as he kicked and struggled.
"YOu are now exercising force equal
to eight pounds to the square inch,"
said the old man as he bumped him
again, but it is useless. ! shall now ex-
ercise force equal to the clutch OF
forty-eight grasshOppers to shut of your
wind, and [ will then administer kick
equal to the force necessary to upset
cord of four foot wood"
police, police! shouted the victim.
You exhausted six gallons of oxygen
IN the first ) ell and five in the second"
called the scientist, "but it was simply
wasted. will now make off at one
quarter Of the speed exercised by an an
telope in outruuning lion. Good-by,
sordid flesh.pot, good.by."
Daniel Webster and His Retainer.
Boston Globe.
When Webster was at the zenith of
his career, a gentleman waited upon
him one day to engage him for the de-
tense in an Important case at law, the
amount at stake in the suit being $780,
OO0. The gentleman asked Webster
what the retaining fee would be.
"a thousand dollars"
IA thousand dollarsw exclaimed the
gentleman.
ayes. But think for moment what
engage to do, sir. do not only hold
myself at your service in the matter,
perhaps for month or more, but de-
bar myself from accepting any offer, no
matter how large, from the plaintiff"
The applicant was satisfied with this
explanation, wrote out check for the
amount and gave it to the great ex-
FOUNDER, who after he had put it into
his pocket, said:
III will now give you bit of advice
gratis. If you can compromise this bus
mess upon fair terms with the plaintiff
you had better do So"
The client expressed his thanks, and
took his leave. In few days after the
gentleman called upon Webster again
and told him that compromise had
been effected, and the matter satisfac
uorily settled. Webster duly con-
graduated his visitor on the result and
would have turned to other business,
but the visitor seemed to have some
thing further on his mind.
"Of course" he ventured, after q
pause, 81 shall not require your services,
Mr.. Webster"
Certainly not, SIR"
"And- and how about the $1,000 ]
paid you?' family asked the gentle
man, who was not quite reconciled t.
paying such sum for servlces which
were never to be rendered.
"Oh, ahw responded Daniel, with a
bland smile. "You don't seem to un-
derstand. 1t is very simple. That was
y retaining iee-called in lawls retain
er.' By virtue Of tue contract, / also be-
act E.l,< n fatr
# not my fee."