The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-04-24
HUMOR.

ident.
SOME people prefer death to mar
riage. That's because they never tried
death.
As ILLUSTRATED in insurance, write
up business is not always an upright
business.
A BURLINGTON mother has miracu-
lousy cured her youngest hopeful OF
smoking by the laying on OF hands.
WHAT is the difference between
swallow-tailed coat and boot-JackF
One catches the heel of boot and the
other the toe.
ONE would reasonably suppose that
it would be difficult to collect Dill
from leather merchant when he buys
leather and hides.
NO" SAID the Chicago editor, OF his
rival, Il don't think he was drunk when
lie wrote that editorial; when a mans
drunk he speaks the truth
"OH" said the man who had
travelled, Il didn't mind having the de-
lirium tremens. i saw snakes and ALI
gators and things, but it merely seemed
as though was in Florida.
JURY, Salu w cSJoiH ~ uu3CJ ~
kin go out and find verdict. Ii you
can't find one OF your own, get the one
the last jury used. The jury returned
with verdict of Suicide in the ninth
degree"
All neighbor Jones, why look so sad?
Worse looks never saw;
Sure something's happened very pad
Hast lost thy mothsr n-law!
Thy no5hern-law!
Alas friend Broun, great Is my Woo
OF trouble I've my MI:
I've passed my semi-annual throe-
I've paid my water Dill!
My water bill.
Tile Poet or the ISdHus.
A NAN can brake on railroad for
$40 month all his life, but If man
gets broken on one he wants $1,000 IN
cash, and if he leaves widow she
usually puts her figures as high as
$40, 0J0.-Teras Sittdngs.
AN exchange speaks of a kissing
bee" organized in Western town. We
would have no objections to the kissing
If the bee would present itself accord
ing to the established rules of etiquette.
-Necnad0 Independent
HIS Matte was a pretty girl,
AS far as one could be-:
And every time he made call
he HAD Mat on knee.
Merchant 1raceter.
And when he had no cash with which
To go and see the play,
He'd give no heed to her desire,
But say to Mat, "Oh, nay!
VAST. Hatchet.
THERE was a game of poker once,
With two men at the table,
Where each piled down his little chips
As long "a he was able.
"Alasl" cried he who got the scoop,
For short, I'll call him 'Banty,')
I'll have to see my uncle, now
That you have seen my ante.
-Ne1 York Journal
THEY do things coolly down in
Tennessee. 1t is said of young lady
that nineteen years ago her father re-
fused to let her go to candy-pull.
She, however, disappeared. The other
day she returned, lifted eleven children
out of the wagon, went into her fathers
house and took off her things as calmly
as though she had only been absent an
hour or two.-CarI PretzePs Weekly.
BEAUTIFUL BELLA BARNEY.
Bewitched bucpic Ben became
BY buxom Bella Barney;
Ben being backward, better blame
blonde Bella, babbling barney
bothered by basnfulness-Ben's blight
Blazing became Bens bushes:
But blinded by Bellies beauty bright,
BY baleful baa1s Ben brushes.
BY blunders bashful Beings blind
Become beresved: but .raZen
Boldness becomes best brace behind
MISUNDERSTANDING blaZon.
Brightly bedecked, by barber bland,
Brisky beset by brushing.
Ben breaks beyond blank bashful band,
| Badgcred by blazing blusiisg
But bhssfui, teatific browse,
| by brooding brought both-Belle
Before Ben, braced by browsing, bows
Briefly, betimes, betrothal.
San Francisco Post.
THE MAN WHO WAS LEFT.
Ten maids there were,
Each one as fair
| As the other nine.
Ten stars rs bright,
| In lovely light
Each other did outshine
tender swain,
| With pnzzled brain,
| Lifts up his waing voice;
And in despair
| He tears his hair
That he can't make a choice.
| Wall mott" they cried;
| Nor woe betide:
| But rather do rejoice
| That other ten
| Much better men
| Than you have made a choice
VIII J. Hampton.
ODE TO BABY
| See the pretty baby,
Eyes big and blue;
| Knows n great deal, maybe,
| But only says, co. co..
| Hands like balls of cotton,
! Feet so pink and fat:
| Where can the kid have gotten
| Hands and feet like that2
| Cheeks round and chufy,
| And such a-such a nose!
| Hair 40 short and fluffy,
! And, gracious, see those toesI
| Looks at everybody
| As IL 10 knew them all;
| Does IL want some teddy?
| Is IL going to squall2
| Yes, it's going to do it.
| Listen how IL hollersl
| Mamma wouldn't sell it
For 5000 100000.
|
The Man with a COnundrum.
why is my head like a match ?"
asked the customer of the barber who
was shampooing him.
as it because it feels light when it's
rubbed?" queried the singer of the
suds.
"Just So" said the patron. And
now" he added, "why is my head like
| a brasa door-knob p,