The Hazlehurst signal., 1884-02-21
A Few Frigld Facts.

II there Is one thing moro than an.
other that the country needs that It alb
SOlutcly ycarnS fort is law abolish
ing th- temperature crank and his ten
cent thermometer Both arr nu'SanceS
in the fullest meaning of the term, and
lOng-Suilcring people are, lust NJ this
time. losing their temper AMI their con-
iidcncc in the wisdom Of an all.wiSe
Providence under this double iniliction.
The man with the tcn-csut thermome-
ter i far superior, Ia point OF bore-you-
to-dcathaiiycncSs, to the fellow who asks
il this is cold enough for YOU The latter
/, merely seeking Information. and YOU
arr ut liberty to either answer him or
turn the remains over to the coroner;
hut the thcrmomctcr icnd isn't a seek
cr after knowledge; hc il loaded To the
mulzlc already, and on'y seeks u victim
with whom hc can divide. II is useless
To tell him that his ten-ccnt, mercury
loaded. bOttlc-glaSs and tin back weather
prcvaricatur j. a snare and y dclusion;
that il doesn't know anything about
temperature. He has the utmost faith
in the accuracy of his instrument and
will accept its statements in the face OF
contradiction by all the high-priccd and
high.toned Thermometers In the coun'
trv. II he linsls that she shows thirty
seven degrees below zero. he orders an
other ton of coal and puts on four moro
suits Of undcrclothes though the boys
be PLAYING marbles in the alleys, tho
streets knec-decp in mud and the
man in the next yari j. spading up
ground for his next springs garden.
There is no denying the fact that
the tcn-cent thermometer Is great ut
getting down 10 its work. IL can
make mans hair stand on end aud
send the shiycrs scooting down his
spinal column without half trying
that Is, il YOU are foolish enough TO
place any confidence in the showing 1t
makes. II can 90 down to forty-two
below zero ON the plcasantcst Of Wyo-
ming afternoons. and stay there, ''with-
out turning hair" aS the horse re-
porter says. II can show tempera-
ture calculated 10 freeze the nasal or
gan oil the face OF the bronze dog on the
front stoop OF the Mayors residence.
and stare you in the face with George
Washington stare. while you wipe the
perspiration from your face and long
for n linen dustcr and a fan.
When the ten-cent Thermometers
owner Is obliged by feminine pcrsua-
sion to get up and light the fire, he
looks at his tin weather Indicator and
finds II registering sevcnty.iiye below
zero and still going down. He goes
down town and makes affidavit before
every man he meets that II j. seventy
five below. because his thermometer
said so. lie enlargcs upon the supc-
rior excellence of his thermometer,
which can. whom the weather permits.
register all the way down To one hum
dred below zero, while the ordinary in
struments freeze up somewhere about
the forty notch. The average cheap
thermometer is about as reliable as a
gas-mcter. or politicians promise,
and its workings rs uncertain as tho
verdict OF n jury. Hence we say that IL
some genius will suggest some plan by
which the evil instrument and all be-
lcvcrs in IL can be swept from the face
Of the earth into the wastc.basket Of n
chaotic eternity, grateful people will
rise up and ask him TO take something.
The boomerang.