Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-05-16
FUN

A TRUE WIFE.-Mr. Finks-"May the
stars help us We are ruined !"
Mrs. Finks-"R Ruined ?'
Mr.. Finks-''Yes, Endorsed note for
friend, and all we have is lost. %
Mrs. Finks-"Not all, dear. You know
you told me when we were married that if
made my own bonnets could keep the
difference in the expense for myself"
Mr.. Finks-'Don't trife, dear. My
liabilities are $4,000, and your little say
ings on bonnets would only be drop in
the bucket
Mrs. Finks-"Guess you don't know
much about bonnets."
Mr.. Finks-"Well, no. How much have
you saved 20
Mrs. Finks-"Six hundred and seventy
five thousand dollars. "-Phtladelph5a
Call.
Mrs. Blimber, walking home after the
church sewing society meeting. encouut-
cred Mrs. Jorkins. ''Of course you've
heard OF the latest clerical scandal said
Mrs. j. "All about an American minis
ter new in Berlin. It's very shocking.
L wonder what he left his congregation
for ?" "The very subject we were talk
in about at the meetin.' These clergy
man are gettln' SO now, Mrs. Jorkins,
there's no abidin 'em. 1 will not let this
night pass without speekin' to Mr.. Blim-
Der and gettin' him to ask some member
sof the board Of foreign MISSIONS" 1t was
the difficulty of the U. S. Minister with
Bismarck.
A miserly, unkempt old man, who had
been sick for some time, called upon doc
tor, and after telling his symptoms, asked
what he should do. "Well, sir, you must
take cold bath every morning" "What,
wash all over every day ?'' ''Y es." will
l die if don't do it ?" stYou certainly
will" "Well, doctor, I amt able to
walk down town will you 60 and get
preacher and an undertaken I'll go
home and get ready to see them. You may
send your bill to my administrator and
he will settle it after I am gone. Good
day"
Some of our contemporaries are mourn
ing because slugging match or dog
u light attracts more attention and liberal
financial patronage in this country than
Italian opera. Well, we don't know as
there is any occasion for sorrow over the
matter. We have only heard Italian opera
once or twice this winter, and if all the
rest of it is like the sample we card, we
rather admire the superior intelligence
and good taste which leod the Americas
people to prefer the rat pit-Burhngton
HdWkeue.
ut is strange said commuter to a
passenger who occasionally Travelled Oh
the same road; lit is STRANGE that have
never seen your wife with YOU" us that
so 2" Eyes; m sure she often takes this
tIain-in fact, l saw her only a day or two
ago; didn't l 7" VERY likely" was tie
curt reply. "Well, l didn't want to be
too inquisitive, but I'd really like to know
why you never travel together" ''Op
account of economy" Chow SO % sBe-
cause we've only one ulster between US.
''What is the cause of this illumina-
ti0n?" asked a travelling EDqlishman OF
the walter at hotel in German town.
'Her royal hlghness, the Grand Duchess,
has just become the mother of a grand
ducal infant.'' els that so?' responded
the Engllshman, taking out his note book.
II must take note of that. So, in Ger
many, when ever the city is illuminated,
the Grand Duchess becomes the mother
Of q grandducal infant.''
A 10y who had been sent to carry sill
yer card basket to young lady as bridal
present was asked upon his return to the
office if he found the right place. "Oh,
yes" ''See the girl herself ?'' Yes
Ibid she seem surprised ?" every much
So" "Say anything ?'' "Why, yes; she
told her mother she presumed it was
plated, but would be good enough for her
aunt out in the country"
rs my husband any better?" she asked
intercepting the doctor in the hallway, on
his way out. 81 think he is a little easier
this morning." "You can't say positive
ly. suppose, whether he will live or d1e?''
II cannot" "Well. 1 am sorry for that,
because I'm delegate to a woman g rights
convention that meets next week, and I'd
like to have the matter settled before I
CO."
"Come here, my little Eddy said
gentleman to youngster of years of age,
while sitting in parlor where large
company were assembled, 'do you know
me ?" Eyes, sir, think do" Who
am I, then let me hear.'' ''You are the
man who kissed Angelina last night in the
parlor. Angelina tainted.
An old German merchant in the CITY
was informed that a lady had called to see
him in his absence. ga lady," he unused
aleud-'a lady!" Upon an accurate de-
scription being given be suddenly bright
ened up and added, "Oh, dot vas no lady |!
Dot vas my wife,
II can't afford but one flower on nv
hat" she said to the milliner. swell.
where will you have it?" "As I sit next
to the side wall in church, you can put 1t
on the side next to the congregation, !" was
the soft reply.
A poet sends contribution entitled
s.Why do [ live ?' This is easy to an
swer. Because he sends his contributions
to this Office instead OF bringing them in
person.