Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-05-01
Mnmuruns department.

Anmuroas department.
They STARTED "DAILY."-Did you
ever start daily paper? No. Well, you
ought to try it. Falling down stairs with
a stove on top of you is nothing to be COM
pared to it in point of excitement. The
name of the paper was The Rerie,c, and it
was started to fill a long felt want. Jerry
Cochrane was my partner. There were
several very comforting things on that pa
per. For instance, Jerry and 1 always
knew on Monday that we would not have
enough money to pay the hands, OF on SAT-
urday, and we never did. The hands knew
it. too, so their nerves were never shocked
by disappointment. iWeran that way for
awhile, getting more deeply in debt all the
time. At last, one morning 1 entered the
office and found Jerry looking rather solemn:
ly. "Jerry," says /, "you want partner"
Eyes we need a new one" he rejoined.
"a business man, ,Psaid l. zone with ex-
scgtiye ability" said be- "A fnaneIGr fin heIa -
things and turn them into money" he con-
cluded. "Then I have got the man you
want" said 1, and introduced Frank
Hitchcock, the sheriff. Jerry said Frank
was the man he had been thinking OF, so we
w
all we anticipated, and he ran the paper
with the greatest success until he had turn
ed it entirely into money. When we wound
up the concern there was nothing but two
passes-one to Cincinnati and one to Bur-
lington. We divided them and went in
different directions. s.-Ro6ert j. BWolette.
GALL KIvERED UP."-Our backWoods
s'American cousin had come all the way to
Lol nf
although he had heard tell of Venus. No
ticing that travellers all around him went to
Pompeii, he considered it the correct thing
for him to do. He had been here two weeks,
and had never put single question about
the city, so that wien he arrived there, en-
tering it by the marine gate, down which
poured the commerce of Pompeii eighteen
centuries ago, hefwas all taken aback to see
ruins of houses emerging from the strata OF
pumice-stone and ashes. He for once forgot
his ignorance, and with an air OF surprise,
horror, and almost stupefication, ne ex-
claimed:
"What oniairth's the matter with this
place Something's wrong here. Why, it
seems all kivered pp' and the people all
dead ~
It has been the standing joke with his
COMPANIONS ever since. ButhiS shreWdness
and native wit, as general thing, keep
him even with the John Bulls who surround
him.-Naples Cor. amer. Reg.
n@- Marital affection is beautiful thing,
and every fresh exhibition of its tenderness
affects us to tears. A wife-possibly an old
wife-on a certain occasion fell overheard.
The husband rushed frantically about the
deck, literally tearing his hair out by the
handful and crying in the most beseeching
tones, '1FOr heavens sake, save her, save
her; she is my wifew The noble sailors
thought of their own sweethearts and ran
all risks, andat last brought the poor woman
into the cabin of the swooning husband.
The look Of gratitude he gave them fully
repaid for all their efforts. Then recovering
his equanimity he thrust his hand into ms
wife's wet pocket, pulled out somewhat
plethoric purse, and with infinite reliefsaid !:
''Old woman, the next time you tumble
overheard just leave that purse behind, will
YOU? You scared me almost to DEATH"
A DEMOCRATS DISADVANTAGES.-M
B.-"My dear, the Blifkinses are going to
Newport for the entire season."
Mr.. B.-"Well, they can afford to. Mr..
Blifkins is street contractor"
Mrs. Bland the Snifkinses are going
to Saratoga"
Mr.. BIT am not surprised. |Snifkins
was recently elected to an office"
Mrs. Bland the Niffersons, they are
going to Europe" = =,
MI. B.-"Certainly, my love; why should
they not? Mr.. Nifferson is a very successful
politician"
Mrs. B.-"But why can't we gosomewhere
instead of broiling in the city all summer,
with only an occasional run to Gloucester"'
Mr.. B.-"Well,, you see, my DEAR l am
only a taxpayer"
HIS ExPEcTATIoNs.-A Chicago man
who was induced to purchase large inter-
est in hole in the ground, in Nevada, said
to contain silver, went to Virginia City to
get some close idea Of how matters stood.
A professional mine inspector was called in,
and after some talk he said:
'My charges will be $50 per day, whether
1 discover anything or not"
"Suppose you discover that half of this
mine is worth Sl00,000?"
"Then you will probably present me with
$780,"
"And if you should discover that I have
which won't pan out $200-What then :"
"Why I should then expect the man who
sold it to you to present me with at least
$1,000 n-WaN Street Neacs.
GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES LOsT.-"Let's
see?" he remarked to dealer on Chat
ham street, "haven't you brother in the
clothing business in Cincinnati?"
"Oxactly. My brudder Moses vhas dere."
"And how is he doing?"
"Bad-werry bad. Moses was not the
man to see opportunities.
"How?"
"Vhell, when dotflood came Moses should
hat peen in the rubber coat and poot pees-
ness, but he vhas left. Den when der riot
took blace Moses should hat peen stocked
up NIT guns and pistols, but he hadn't so
much as a trigger. Moses vhas on his vhay
to the poor house, he vhas."
n@"I hear that your brother is given to
somnambulism ?'' "What's that ?' 'He
walks in his Sleep" "Well, that makes me
smile. Iguess you don't know my brother.
He is the LATEST white man in Texas. He
wouldn't walk in his sleep, no matter how
sound asleep he was. He is too lazy entire