, 1884-02-28
TAKING A PILL.
The Various Methods Which Are
Recommended by the Family
Medical Board
tMiddletown Transcript

When a pill comes within the charmed
circle OF n persons teeth the throat kicks.
1t puts up the shutter and closes the door.
1t apparently desires to go out Of bust
ness. This same throat may take in
chunks of unchewable beefsteak as big
as hickory nuts, and other stores for the
Interior department by the side Of which a
pill of the largest growth would seem an in
significant affair, but it draws the line at
pills 1t shuts up shop and says to you just
as plainly as can he, "You don't send any
pills past me IL l know it" This action of
the human throat In the matter OF pills is
very curious and mystifying to the ordinary
mind, and we wonder that Matthew Arnold
and other great thinkers nave not given 1t
moro attention and sought to make clearer
for the rest Of us the reason why the human
throat is thus apparently so unreasonable.
You get about eleven or thirteen OF these
pills, big smooth fellows rolling about in
some sort Of a yellow powder, and you go
home and take one OF them according to the
rules and regulations on the box. The whole
family come into the room to sec the per-
Torrance, OF course. They nave taken
pills in their time and they know there
is fun in a pill performance when
they are spectators only. You probably say
that you are not going to have any foolish
moss with that pill; you are just going to
swallow 1t right down and be done with it.
Then you take a pill out OF the box, open
your mouth. hold your head back, drop in
the pill and make seven or eight desperate
swallows. The pill comes up smiling and
with its yellow overcoat and a good deal OF
its high flavor worn Off on your tongue, and
you look a little disappointed.
Some one who has had q wider experience
than the others with pills will tell you to try
a swallow OF water with it. ALI right. You're
willing to take advice In this your hour of
need. You drop tho pill into your mouth
again and hastily drink half a glass Of water.
Where is the pill nowl oh, 1t is snug enough
down by the side of you tongue. It didn't
go down with the freshet- 1t Is not travelling
by water this season airy some grated ap-
ple,p suggests the person with the advice on
tap. All right. bring the grated apple. You
are willing by this time to try anything that
promises to deceive your throat to letting
that pill through. 1t is covered nicely In
the very center of a spoonful of grated apple,
and with u weak sort of smile you throw
your head back, put the contents of the spoon
on your tongue, and swallow-an tho grated
apple. The pill fingers for an instant about
the palate, as il 1t had forgotten the pass
word. and then comos slowly up to the teeth
leaving a great deal Of its individuality all
along It's TRACK.
Now bread is suggested for q disguise for
the pill. That is a good idea Why didn't
some one think OF that before. You chew
up a whole mouthful of broad, put the pill
in the middle OF it and make the greatest eff
fort % : hsc Il the ray OF = single
swallow. But tho result is not satisfactory.
The bread goes right along according
to schedule, but the pill is side
tracked and held for further orders. BY
this timea good part. to your taste or, n bad
part of the pill is worn away and you feel
that you would know the rest OF It by taste
at any future time in your life. Further,
there is the marks Of bitterness and woe and
hatred OF the inventor OF the pill stamped
plainly upon your countenance. and mayhap
your feelings are such that you cannot with
seemliness express them in the bosom OF your
sympathizing family.
At last, just as you arc about TO give up in
despair, some ons suggests that the pill be
mashed up and clothed in Jelly. That is the
best idea yet. Why wasn't 1t thought OF
soonerl TIL pill is mashed and clothed in
jolly aud in a moment it has passed the
guarded precincts Of your interior depart
ment, 1t has gone at last, not In its original
form, but, rs a broken package, aud when
you realize that the performance is over, youi
face lights up like that OF the i~mpecuniou,
man who. in the dead OF winter, and at the
driest hour OF 4 mighty dry day, finds a
l0-cent bit in the pocket OF a long discarded
vest. To many Of us there IL not much fur
in taking a pill.