The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-03-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A sHpshod affair--The banana-skin.
A threshing- g-machine-The school
teacher.
A burr in the bush is worth two in the
hair.-Judge.
"There's a screw loose somewhere, as
the scissors said when they fell asunder.
Tile Judge.
''The bravest is the tenderest," is par
ticularly true of celery that has stood
against frost.-Picayune.
''Wisely improve the present, is good
advice" said the newly-married man, as
he sold a duplicate wedding gift. y
Philadelphia Call.
TOO CLOSE FOR HER.
81 won't go in sleeping car"
A lady said all out of breath;
"It's awful close, and if l do
My berth will be my death"
Merchant TraUeler.
An irresistible desire came over Da-
kota man to kick his daughters beau,
and forgetting that he had but one leg,
he attempted it. He sat down so hard
that his head had to be pulled out of his
neck by his hair.-Bismarck Tribune.
Spring bottom pants are now in fash
ion. They enable the suspecting young
man to spring out of danger the moment
a lady Of uncertain age leaps in his di-
rection. This sun win take half the
horrors out of leap p-year.-Peck's Sun.
1t is sweet to sit, on gray. day,
And see the snow flakes fall
Like blossoms upon q MaY-day
Along the verdant mall,
And see the well-packed icy sphere
Take the pedestrian on the ear.
LPltck.
"Twenty- seven hundred bills presented
at Washington, " exclaimed fond little
Pittsburg wife. "What lot of billsl
And here is my John making a terrible
fuss over one little milliner's bill with
nothing in it but three little bonnets and
two small hats !"-I Telegraph
'NIay l ask you for the loan of dol
lar?" inquired an impecunious aequaint-
ance of Blobson. "You may, sir, was
the frigid reply, ''and if you hear any
thing from that one lent you last Tues
day, l wish you'd let me know by tele-
phone. "-Brlington Free Press.
"Ahy" exclaimed Fogg, as he entered
the store of the man who never adverti-
ses, "do you know that | always like to
come in hcre2" 'Do YOU" asked the
delighted shopkeeper. EYES," said
Fogg, ''it's such a relief to get out OF
the crowd, you know. "--HarB0rd Post.
The smartness of some girls is only
eoualed by the stupidity OF some men.
When Yeast's girl made the remark
number of times at a public reception,
the other evening, that she felt like go
inc through hole in the floor, Yeast
little dreamed that the restaurant was
lust beneath them. Statesman.
Last week one of those smart AleXan-
ders called at this office and stated briefly
but dramatically that he wanted to take
editorial charge of the paper. We told
him firmly, .ENo." "What is there no
oneninp for man of vim and brains"
eyes. sir" said we. "WhereW said he.
sNNhy, there, sir, the door. - Chicago
Eye.
A BOARDING-HOUSE BEAUTY.
Here is the waitress Mary,
Serene, and blithe and gay:
In manner light and airy
She bears the breaktast-tray.
She always calls me early,
When | would early rise,
Her hair is brown and curly,
And blue her dreamy eyes.
She never keeps me waiting,
When | would hurry upi
But in a style elating
Refills my coffee cup.
She brings me rolls and butter
The former never cold
And ! can only mutter;
"Shes worth her weight in gold"
NV brush upon her ringlets
She VOWS she never tries
The steaks and chops and thnglets
She brois and never fries.
Herself she ne'er amuses
With alcoholic drans-
NV razor ueer she uses
when She would open clans.
Not long with US shell tarry,
Next month she's got TO stop,
Because she's going to marry
Sir Romeo the cop, ,