Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1884-07-23

respect, pray? Because the survey
is large enough, but the settlers are
struggling"
HE-@In what respect does billiards
change my usual disposition?" She
(raively)-@Does it change your dis
position?" He-"Yes; in billiards I
never kiss when I can help it; where
as, ordinarily" She-@You never
kiss if anybody else can help it,"
The court reporter of Manitoba pa
per, in trying to describe runaway
accident in which man and a woman
were thrown from buggy, managed to
work in the statement that neither of
them were seriously hurt though for
time they looked nolle prosequi."
We are all creatures of habit. It is
said that after a policeman has been on
the force about four years he can nev-
er sleep in a bed, but has to be seated
| astride of salt barrel or braced up in
doorway before sweet sleep will seal
his heavy eyelids.-[ Brooklyn Eagle.
The Ouray, COL, Solid Muldoon
says: "The Muldoon scooped the Den
yer dailies on Mr.. Minis resignation.
When it comes to inside pointers we
are yelling triumph" The touching
modesty of Western newspaper is it's
chief Observation-Disclosures York
Graphic.
"TALK about the loot and mouth
disease" softly remarked Butterwick,
as he watched the girls walking up and
down the street for exercise, and then
corraling the meek young men and
rushing them for the nearest ice.c
sign, "why, it seems to be raging worse
than ever Rockland Courier.
"ARE there not times" said man,
entering the Office of busy editor,
when you can write better than at
other times?" EYES," "Ah, thought
so. The men who write must consult
their mental condition, have no doubt.
Now tell me, when can you write best?"
when I am alone" the editor replied.
| II Arkansas Traveller.
FIRST dear girl-We go to Saratoga,
of course, as usual. Second dear girl
to third dear girl, as they walk on down
the street-Did you hear her? Why
they spend every summer at a mean
little farm house. But they stop first
for day in Saratoga and take care to
get their names in the papers. They
are cute, they are.
"MRs. G1MPs," said little girl on
West Wayne Street, the other day, in
the presence of Hoosier reporter, my
mother sent me over to invite you to
come and take tea with us" ttDid she
say what time I should Gomez" mo,
ma'am; she only said you should come,
and then it would be off her mind."-
Fort Wayne Hoosier.
THERE is story told of Lord Hard
castle meeting Poole on the chain pier
at Brighton. He stopped him and said:
"Look here, Poole, I got this coat of
you, and see how badly it fits" Poole
took bit of chalk out of his waistcoat
pocket and marked his lordship's coat
all over and said: t''Take that coat to
my cutter, my lord, and he will make
the necessary alterations"
SAYS fashion writer: 1T is diff
cult, nay, almost impossible, to infuse
any picturesqueness into boys clothes"
And that is all the fashion writer knows
about it. Just dress a boy in even the
most commonplace elegance and I'M
kennel him for half hour, and see
when he comes back if he hasn't sue.
ceeded in infusine picturesqueness
into those clothes.-[ Boston Transcript.
@REMEMBER the poor" says an OK
change. eve will, adds the Burling-
ton Hawkeye. "We do. We can't for
get him. He charged us So a cord fol-
saving wood, and cut every last stick OF
it four inches too long for any stove in
the house. We remember him. And
he'll remember us if we can ever find
him, and hire man to hold him while
we starve him to DEATH"
my dear, look down below" said q
grandoeso as he stood on Waterloo
Bridge with his wife, and gazing at a
tug hauling long line of barges
@Such- is ife-the tug is like a man,
working and toiling, while the barges
like women, are" II know" inter
rupted Mrs. G., acridly; @the tug does
all the blowing, and the barges bear ali
the burden" p Rehoboth Sunday Her.
aid.
"GENTLEMEN of the jury, you have
heard me demonstrate the utter limo.
cence of my client. You have also
heard the testimony of the prisoners
own boy in confederation of what I have
just stated. And now, gentlemen of the
jury, let me remind you of that old
Scriptural saying that fools and chill.
dren always tell the truth What more
convincing proof do you require ?"-
Pexas Siftings.
sMY wife is the most ingenious
woman who ever lived" said Jones
IT believe you" said Smith politely
eBut yon don't know why yon believe
me-" intimated Jones. $40 tell the
truth I don't" frankly replied Smith
looking bored. aWell, I'll tez YOU
We've been married twelve years and
lived in the same house all the time;
and this morning she found new
4 place to hide my slippers ;" And Smith
was paralyzed with admiration. Den
yer Opinion.
a YOUNG politician was walking down
street, wearing smile broad enough to
be seen from behind, "What makes
you so happy :" asked q friend. Maud
and I are to be married" you've
popped the question, then?' Yes, last
might" 'sAnd she accepted p .sNo,
she declined fairly and squarely. Then
why do yon say You are going to marry
/ her sHumphl Don't you suppose
I'm politician enough to know what q
declination means? She's candidate,
Z and I'll bet dollars to dimes on il. They
ell are when they decline