Morning journal and courier., 1884-11-07
ELECTION RETURNS.

Yale college students smoke between two | and three thousand cigarettes a day. Tell l you it pays the business men of this country
 to support our educational institutions Burlington Free Press. Mount Vernon doctors have prepared list of non-paying patients, and. will refuse to visit any family whose name is on the list This is, indeed, a novel way to restore people to health, and those families may safely bid adieu to sickness.
 One of the neatest things said during the campaign was the remark of the St. Louis Post-Despatch that 'tthe enthusiasm and en- terprise with which General Gordon tele- graphed for $1 ,500, 900 would seem to show that the Sudan is an October 'State'' A stranger in small town having lost his way accosted 8 gentleman on the street Please, my good man, he says, s|tell me the way to the postoffice." E'I not 8 good man" says the person accosted with l conscious dignity, ''I am the Mayor. ."-St Louis Globe-Democrat. Bill collector-"How about meeting this l noteF' Impecunious reporter-'T don't know about meeting the note, but I'll tell you what I will do." fsWhat do you propose to do2' 'Instead of meeting this nete I'll just make a note of this meeting. That
 will do just as well, won't it?'-Texas Sift- ings.
 'fThat man," he remarked to his friend, as the third one bade them good-day and passed on, tlost $60, ,000 in silver mine" ''Did 1 hep' 'EYes, at least $60,000." "Gracious | but wish I'd known it sooner. I sank $70,- 1 GOO in an oil well and know he'd have been awful glad to have had a talk with me."- Detroit Free Press. Little Joe-''Mamma, can we take Dickie with us out walking?' Fashionable Mamma-"Certainly. Tell i the nurse to dress him. ''Oh, don't mean Dickie the baby. I | mean Dickie the dog" f sfWhatl Take my dog out such unhealthy | weather as this! Of course not "-Philadel- l phia Call.
 ''Deuced queer country, don't you know" :" was the remark of a late importation from l the fast hanchored hisle. Everybody you
 meet has wooden toothpick in his mouth. Asked fellah t'other day what they did it 1 for, and he said the toothpicks were souven- l frs of the forests which are said to have once covered this country, and that the people l are very proud of lem. Bai joye, should think they would be.'-Boston Transcript.
 A Presbyterian doctor of divinity once
 said to me at a general assembly. "You l newspaper men must have queer views of things. You are always looking on and l never taking part Your knowledge and l habits ot thought must be very circumfer- l ential and superficial. suppose, now, your l idea of the day of judgment is that you will have table off at one side and report the proceedings for the morning paper 1 Paul Pioneer-Press. | ROMANCE WRECKED. 1 Who says romance is deadY heard l A supple-throated cat invoke l A song which all my being stirred, And rung the welkin till it broke; l A song to a oisdainful mate, 1 Which my kitchen-window sate, i And did not seem to Q dang 1 How hard the furry songster sangl l The moon was on the smoke-houSe shed; | A night-cap quaint was my head; I A boot-iack thick the floor, 1 thought to stop forever more l That mournful song. Upon my toes l from the window leaned; my nose l Was greeted by sudden balm; Isneezed-my heart, sit still be calm! | fell upon the lonely cat;
 Its throbbing tail mangled flat. I With tooth and claw ferociously
 That lonely cat it fell on | My frightful anguish cowed my voice,
 did not make a bit more noise. l They had the furry songster yet | The peighbors cried, Take in your EzEI'N | And Some entreated me with bricks,
 And others urged with stove-wood sticks. l All goated OCT such fell mischance
 To him who'd violate Romancei
 Philadelphia News