The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1884-01-12
Paragraph Fiend.
Good for nOthing-A cipher.


Not difficult to choir-Church music.
'- An X size bill--A ten dollar greenback
A forthcoming event-One that succeeds
three others.
The net to catch man matrimonially
The brunette.
Play.tonic affec,ion-Going out between
the acts at the theatre.
The polecat is supposed to have bsen the
original little one for scent"
The dictionary is not as big as the post
Office, but it contains more letters
am gong to board" was what the log
remarked os enthring q saw mill
The musk rat, the corn husk and the
goose bone were right. IL ia mud and
pleasant winer--in horn.
When some one told Emerson that the
world WAS coming % AN end tue sage re
piled, 81 am glad OF it. We can get along
very we'll without it,"
1t was Detroit girl That married ut fiji
teen 80 AS To have her golden wedding
when it would do her some goud.-DstroI
free Press,
A German paper oif.rs LimbUrger
cheese to each new Subscriber. 1t could
hold GU, no stronger induccment, certain
ly.-7roy Times.
The editor ot the Topeka Capital has
found out that the best thing to do when
you go shopping with the ladies is TO take
notes.
\ wounded soldier who lives in Bur
lington, Iowa,-the Gdzettc Of that city
tells the st0r, - iuclinCs 50 draw any more
pension money because be has recovered
from his wounds
A Michigan man who lost lo'h legs in
Il saw mill now sits round and tells about
the terrible battles OF the late war That's
the sawed off man he iS.--B0StOn Post.
Probably the nearest thing that man
ever said was uttered by Fogg today. BE,
ing asked his idea Of the best remedy for
polygamy he promptly replied Mrs.
Foge."
\ lady and gentleman accidentally
touched each others feet under the table.
Secret teegraphy,n SAID he. "Commun-
ION Of so!es," said she.
4 woman can darn things without get
ting excited, but just as soon as your hear
aman darnlng things you may know he
is out OF temper.--Phi!adelphta Chronicle.
NOT TOO BOLDLY.
Ne'er step too bold on the SNOW
That does the paving stone enwreath.
For slippery spot
or when you @ot
Not muchy may exist beneath
Talmage says that church members en-
brace three times as many women as men.
That is probably correct. There is not
more than twenty-five per cent. az much
fun in embracing men as women.
A Burlington boy sent for fifty cent
watch and received q sun dial. He has
named it Faith" because faith without
works is dead -BHWingtO& Ha,ckege.
\ California paper claims that natural
vinegar we'll has been struck in that state
Now # somebody will only tap FOUNTAIN
of jersey lightning the AOw OF gladncss
Will he un5ounded.
Just to see how many IDIOTS would write
information about It, the Chicago Tribune
lately printed rs original the poem OF
Beautiful Snow" The Information is still
coming. Surgeons or jokes muat be ex-
tremely rare in the northwest.
An oyster will live to the age of 90 years
--tba: Is, 10 the sea he will. In the
restaurant the chances arc decidedly
against him. Sometimes he lasts a long
time IN the restaurant-O, q very long
time! But he does no. live nearly as long
az he lasts
She sings with voice like fairy,
And plays like queen OF her art,
Her movements are sylph like and airy,
Her winsome ways capture each heat.
Her beauty is ranked by none other,
her eyes are blue, lustrouS AID deep,
But the story comes straigh from her brother |
That the fair creature snores in her sleep!
Effect OF the Tannhauser music upon
Knoxville critic; The rise ana swell of
its glorious rhythm seemed now like the
ecstatic carols of cherubs on the towers Of
Eden, and now like the walls of demons
IN the bottOmless Caverns of pandemo-
mum Wasner's grand music poured out
now like glorious streams OF rainbow
tinted light, now like salvos Of thunder
peals, now like rils of cascading silver
pouring dowa upon mountain Of guitars
and viollnS."
THE GROCER
Those who Ike puns must read this poem.
The grocer loved a charming girl
As lovely as The day;
He wondered II she'd marry him, !,
And said, Let Soap she may
And straightway to her house he went,
Her lovely face to see,
BXclsiming, "Ah, know full well,
That Cheesc the girl for me-"
The girl was very kind, and said