News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-04-03

o00hA0u " mahe IlDerai use OF IT, RldlnE
up to shanty, the stranger asked tall
unkept specimen of humanity:
why don't you keep your pigs out
of your house?"
"Look here, stranger" responded the
the Arkansas man, putting his hands in
his pockets, ''ef you mean to say that
my family amt fitten for hogs to asso-
clate with, just come out like man and
say it."
The stranger Immediately appeased
the native by conceding that the farmer
was a tit associate for hog, and the
usual greeting of: "Light, stranger, and
have some simmons beer. Roll pump-
kin out from under the bed, and make
yourself at hum. When you first spoke,
l thought you was getting some sarcasm
on me, and 1 don't propose to take any
of that ar. ."-AuSti7a iSffti1aQs.
WHY HE LEFT.
"Uncle Pete. were you present at the
recent affray ?" asked the Justice of the
Peace.
ST war, Jedge. Dat is to say, not
'zackly present, but kinder conspic'us
'roun' de subewbs OBJ de crowd"
"How do you know there was fight
going on?"
"W'y, wen de crowd commence to
run ober me, an de pistils begun to
crack right ibely, an de bullits war a
fiy1n monsus thick 'roun' my habyus
corpus, I Jest 'cluded dey war gittin'
agitated, so I RETAINED to de saddlah
shop"
'Did you remain in the shop2'
"Not berry long, Jedge. Arter
arrovin' dar dun look out de winder,
an wen I seen free men shot, an bull
Lit come in an Craze de side OBJ my
head, 1 'spected dar war gw1ne to be
furse; so I kinder sautered out de back
way, an went to tend to some bizniss in
de country. ."-TeraS SittangS.
IF HE COULD DO NOTHING BETTER.
At a Lake Erie pleasure resort last
summer, certain small party of young
ladies were out for a sail The yacht
was managed by handsome young
boatman, who unconsciously made a
mash on the jolly girls.
"Shan I hug the shore?" asked the
sailor.
"Well-yes-if that's the best you
can do" was the reply of one of the
girls. The Hoosier.
BADGE OF MOURNING.
"Well, Brown was a good fellow and
am sorry he is gone," said Western
editor to the proprietor of the paper.
''He worked hard all his life and died
poor, the way of most newspaper men,"
eyes," responded the proprietor,
with considerable feeling, "Brown was a
good printer and it will be hard to fill
his place."
81 suppose we ought to attach some
thing to the door in the shape of a
badge of mourning for little while, y
suggested the editor.
cit would be good idea, but don't
believe there is anything about the
/ place that would answer the purpose,
and in the present feeble financial condi-
ton of the concern I don't feel like put
ting out any money for Grape"
"No," mused the editor, ''it would be
better to settle up back salaries first, but
now I think of it, I know just the
thing.
"What is it ?" asked the proprietor.
''We might hang out one of the COM
posing-room towels. ."-Phala. Call.
VERY BUSY TIMES. a
"See here" said Chicago man,
syou have promised half dozen times
in the last week to come around and
paint my fence"
81 know it." responded the painter,
s'but 1 haven't had moments time to
spare"
"I don't see what keeps you so busy
at this season of the year." said the
gentleman.
81 am, though. Why, you can't get
a painter in this city just now for love
nor money"
'What's the matter with the paint
ers ?"
"It's all owing to the two politica.
conventions. I've got orders enough
from the hotels to keep me busy unit
late in the spring just painting signs
alone"
''What kind of signs are they?" asked
| the gentleman.
"'No trust and Guests without bag
gage must pay in advance. "'-PhiIadek
97hia EVe. Ct1U