Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1884-04-02
MIR SPO0PENDYkE.
Uo Dictates n Letter TO His Friend
SpeclSieyOttlc.


dyke, when his wife had propped him
up in bed, and stuffed some extra pill
lows under his shoulders; "now, my
dear, take your pen and ink and l will
dictate letter to Specklewottle. If
you will play amanuensls | don't see
why can't he sick just as well as
not"
Mrs. Spoopendyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials
"Shall | write on a card with gilt
edge, or shall | take note paper?' she
asked.
you'd better take note paper" re-
piled Mr.. Spoopendyke, severely
"When l want to convey my ideas on
a shinglc I'll carve 'em in with a knife.
Now, get ready, for I'm going to
start, and don't you interrupt me, or
YOU will put me out"
"All ready, DEAR" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into
the ink, and contemplating her hus-
band, anXiously.
"Mr, Peter b. Specklewootle,' COM
mcnccd Mr.. SpOopendyke.
as his middle name B|" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand,
and testing her pen with the Dlotter.
81 don't think ! like his name, any
way, Peter isn't nice"
"If any other name occurs to you,
put it in" observed Mr., Spoopendyke,
with growl. You don't neelto have
a mans right name in letter. Put
in anything, and hurry up will you?
Going to keep me in suspense all day
about who this letter is going to?'
Mrs. Spoopcndyko plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for few
moments. "Now, I've got him in,
dear"
SCOT who in? Anybody | know
Am debating private letter to a
stranger? Got some particular friend
you want this letter to go to unbe-
known to me? Who's in there? I'm
going to know who's at the top, be-
fore put my name at the bottom"
"Why, Mr. Specklowootlc, of course
said she, looking at him with vide
open eyes. That's what you said.
Now 60 on with the rest"
"I!aye you got the date and dear
sir in t0o?' asked Mr.. SpooFcndyKc,
peeyighly, for he was trying to think
how to start his letter.
NO, dear, you didn't say anything
about those" replied his wife. "You
only said the name; but I'll put the
others in"
"Will, will ye?" croakel Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, "ISticking on great deal Of
credit TO yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt We? Willing TO Weld
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband Well, you can't
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in,
hear me-"
but I've got 'em in pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendykc.
Then strike EN- out" rOared her
husband. "S'pose I'm going to let
you put those things in and throw EN-
up in my face from the moment l get
we'll till the dag die? Scratch 'em
out, tell yc. don't propose to have
my life made miserable by reminders
Of your kindness when | was fishing
around in the grave with one leg
Now, what have YOU got?'
"Peter B. Specklewottle." said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, mentally satisfied there
could he no mistake in that.
"Anything to show whether he's q
man or woman" demanded Mr.
Spoopendyke. ANY 'n.rs.' or esq
hanging to it anywhere.
Certainly" replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. 1t says Mr.. Peter b. Speckle-
wottle.' That's the way you told me
to write it, didn't you? Now 60 on
with the letter.
"Then put I am dying, and 1 wish
YOU
Great gracious /" calculated Mrs.
spoopendyke, dropping her pen. "You
are not dying, dear; you don't want
the man to think that
"Why not" squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "S'pose a man is going four
teen blocks out of his way to get the
mail for man who only has a cold in
his head? You put that I'm dying,
cr I'll drop over into that corner and
write the whole business with one ap-
plication of tho inkstand."
$50 on dear" cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
lyke. have got it so; only he may
think it strange that a dying man
should write to him.
"Then say, 4 want you to get my
mail from the Office, and tell them |
will he over in a day or two Got
hat 2"
"Ycs,' giggled Mrs Spoopendyke.
else?"
"What are you laughing at?" howl
ID Mr.. Spoopendyke, on whom the in
of his letter had begun TO
lawn. What have yoa GOT that
neasley mouth of yours stretched out
ike dodgastcd graveyard for? Think
IN debating comic almanac? Got
notion that this letter is some sort of
/ rebus? We'll, it ain't and it amt a
entertainment with Il funny
nan at each end! What are vou
aughipr at? AnybCdy in this conn