Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-06-05
UNCOPYRIGHTED HUMOR.

He--1 leel dS l0OuSu udu HXIraCleQ
the invitation 10 call with a corkscrew."
She-"Well, / hope you will enjoy it as
much as you do other things you extract
with corkscrew."-Life.
did you ever try the hot water cure?"
asked the thin man, as they paused at
the melancholy mans gate. Did II"
repeated the melancholy in tone of
sarcasm; swell. should say did Why,
I've been married fourteen years.
Wife-"Do try these peaches, James !;
you can't imagine how much richer they
are since I've made them over" James
(who has recently tried stock raising in
Wall street t)-"If that's the ease, i wish
you'd make me over."-Hsrvard Lam
poon.
Helm what respect does billiards
change my usual disposition She
(naively)-"DOss 1t change your dispO-
sitinn?" He-"Yes, in billiards l never
kiss when can help it, whereas ordin-
arily-" She-"Yeu never kiss il any
body else can help it,"
Yesterday forenoon q eolored man
called at a house on Sibley street and
rang the bell, and. as it was answered,
he asked:
Has you Guild lady doin' yer washin'
dis mawDin'Y
No, SIR was the reply, 4 don't employ
celored ladies TO wash for me-
He went away ia u puzzle, and return
ed in few minutes and said:
/ reckon | made q bit of a mistake.
Has you an ole black woman washing
fur your
Yes, sir
Named Lindy Tibbits:'
Yes, that's her name
Den I'd like to spoke 70 her. | dan
forgot dat she's washweRaH on Mon
days ana q eulled lady de oddsr six days
in the week, and dat's whar de mistake
come In. Please. kin / speks vid yer
ole black wOman5'
He was permitted to 'spoke.'-Detroit
Free Press.
A Mississippi man advertisss runa-
way wife as follows: High cheek bones,
with upper front teeth out, crippled in
one foot, croSs-eyed and quick spoken."
That nan don't know when he is well
off.-BurlingtOn Free Press.
why did you stop lecturing on tenn
perancer asked the Governor of Afkan-
saw, addressing we'll known reformer.
We'll. you sse. went up into the Dry
Fork neighborboOd and did my best, but
the distilleries wee too thick
Audience got drunk, l SUPPOSE
No, not particularly
why did you stop, thenr
We'll. you see, L got drunk.'-Arkxn-
saw Traveller.
In the brokers' Office. 4 understand
that | can subscribe here for stock in
the Meager Railroad?' said a stranger,
whom the hay seed in his hair and the
mud upon his brogans indicated as be
longing in the country. Yes, sir, replied
the broker. Let's see; this is safe iD-
vestmeut" Perfectly safe And you
have had twice the entire amount offer.
ed by leading capitalists? Yes, sir
But the projectors chose to give the
people an opportunity to make good
thing?' That's it exactly Well re-
marked the count ry man, 4 guess III be
generous, too. l amt NO hog. I'm will
ling to give somebody else a chance. So
long And out he went, accompanied
by chuckling in his throat and twin
king in his eye.-Transcript.
There will be three women to one u,an
in heaven, is Miss Ellen Chase's private
opinion of the hereafter. For the mans
sake we hope he will be deaf-Iowell
Citizen.
In the choir, during the sermon. one
of the quartet fell asleep.
GNau'S chant. aai1 "a
to the soprano See if you eantirle the |
tenor |
You wouldn't dare duet said the
cOBtraItu.
You'll wake hymn up. suggested the
bass.
Il could make better pun than that |
as sure as my names Psalm remarked |
the boy that pumped the srgan; but he
said 1t solo thai no one Quartet.-Life.
Some philosopher says: Put off moth
ing till Tomorrow This means, dearly |
beloved, that to he happy you should go
to bed in your clothes, and disrobe in
the morning.-Puck.
A goat got into Brooklyn church the
other day and ate the manuscript of the
minister's sermon. The animal had got |
fat eating tin cans and circus posters,
but the first mouthful Of the sermon
scOrcbed the hair off of his back, and two
pages killed him too dead to skin.-Pars
Beacon.
Lillian-What queer title for book.
ma!
Ma-What titley
Lillian-"Not Like Other Girls"
Malt is rather odd is it q novel?
Lillian-Yes; wonder what the hero
inc can be if she is mot like other girls"
MAJ don't know, unless she goes into
the kitchen and helps her mother in
stead or staying ia the parlor to read
nOvnlS