The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1884-05-31
Paragraph Fiend.
Daily on the rack-Hats.

A mere matter of iorm-The artists
model
A little girl calls her good father par
excellence"
The man without future--A busted
stock broker.
Debt always grows bigger the more you
contract it.
The motto for scissors editors--l'oSitive.
~ no credit,
The hes, prescription for "a poet-a com
posing draft.
A gumdrop-Reduction in the price OF
Arctic overshoes.
Some of our base ball players seem to
have been vaccinated. They can't catch
anything.
A new fashion paper is called the Sew.
ing Circle. From the title one might sup
pose it was entirely devoted to news.
The man who was Rugged by grizzly
remarked on being rescued that he had
never had such tremendous pressure
brought to bear on him before.
A demijohn and demigogue are always
on accommodating terms-one holds the
liquor awhile, and then the other takes it
-Necman Independea
Mr.. Horace White observed of the spec
ulations of Mr.. John G.. Emo: "'rhat did
surprise me; for he was the Treasurer OF
the Civil Service Reform Association"
Twoof Brigham Young's SONS died drunk
ards, two Of his daughters have the same
husband, and one of his sons writes poetry
Mormonism must go-Y'eras Syftngs.
A correspondent writes: Have you the
recipe Of mixture 10 remove superf1uous
hair from the face?" A mixture Of soap,
hot water and razor has been found very
effective.--Ne,o York Graphic.
Kaiser William, King George of Greece
and King Christian of Denmark will meet
this summer in Wiesbaden. Opposition
summer resorts will have TO hold u pretty
good hand to beat three kings.
Why" asked the Professor, lis good
name of more value than riches" And
the smart boy at the foot of the class said
he reckoned il was because it was 30 much
rarer. He was marked ten plus.
Justice is represented rs being blind,
while more appropriate symbol would be
the picture os woman going through the
pockets of the husband who has come
home intoxicated.
A new game, similar TO hide and seek, is
becoming very popular in this country. 1t
Is played as follows: A cashier in bank
takes the money of the institution and dis
appears Then the detectives try to find
MIN II they succeed, he comes home
and has to pay forfeit.
THREE sTRIKHs-oUT.
The clock strikes one,
They sit apart.
81 would that were a bird, )" said he.
And then he softly sighed:
That ! was loves white dove-ah- me.
To hover by thy side"
WOulu lUtl j were u cage, shN
While her dropping eyclids hide;
That might prison be for thee
To keep thee by my side"
The clock strikes two,
With heart to heart.
Would were a gun, the father said
As he glded down the stair.
White dove grew red as he mentioned bed
With dark paternal glare.
The clock strikes three,
Arise depart
If there is divinity that doth hedge
about king, what is il that doth hedge
about an ace?
manufacturer of white wine vinegar
claims that his compound is so much better
than the Old fashioned cider connection
that he has adopted the sign, "Who will
care for mother now ?"-BostoR Couyier
have a fearful sore throat this evening,
AdolphuS," said Celeste to her latest mash
who was giving her more taify than would
load an express wagon But darling that
has nothing 10 do with what ! have been
telling you ayes, Adophus it has" ain
what way. angel ?" II can't swallow all
that stufI-that's how
Now" said the Boston schooteacher,
the question am about To put to you is
An extremely difficult one. and to answer it
correctly you will be obliged, metaphor
cally speaking, TO initiate the trunk con.
formation of the dromedary of the desert"
A Western schoolteacher would have put
the question and said simply Nov hump
yourselves
SPECIALLY jim"
] was mighty good loOkin when was young,
Peert an black eyed an slim
With fellers a-courtin me Sunday nights,
Specially jim
The likeliest one of EN- all was he,
Clipper, an hanson, an trim,
But tossed up my head an made fun o the
crowd,
Specially jim!
] said hadn't no pinion o. men,
An ! wouldn't take stock In him!
But they KEEP up a-comin' in spite o. my talk,
Specially jim,
! got so tired o. havin' EN- roun'
Especially JmD
J made up my mind I'd settle down
An take up with him.
10 We was married one Sunday in church,
-