The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1884-06-09
BILL NYE'S NOTES
Of Spartacus' Address to Gladiators
-"Iadies and Gentlemen"
Stealing the Roman Muskmeions
and Putting Split Sticks on
the Tail of the
Roman Dog.

From Stenographic Notes by Bill Nye.1
1t had been day of triumph in Capua.
Lentulus, returning with victorious eagles
by way of the river division of the c., NJ. &
St. P railway, had amused the populace
with the sports of the amphitheater, to an
extent hitherto unknown even in that luxu-
rious city A large number of people from
the rural districts had taken advantage of
half rates on the railroad and had been in
town watching the conflict in the arena,
listening to the infirm, decrepit ring joke and
viewing the bogus sacred elephant
The shouts of revelry had died away. The
last loiterer had retired from the free lunch
counter, and the lights in the palace of the
Victor extinguished The restless hyena in
the Roman menageris had sunk to rest, and
the Numidian lion at the stock yards had
taken out his false teeth for the night The
moon PIERCING the tissue Of fleecy clouds,
tipped the dark waters of the Tiber with
wavy. tremulous light The dark-browed
Roman soldier moved on his homeward way,
the sidewalk Tipping up occasionally and hit
ting him in the small of the back
No sound was heard save the low sob of
some retiring wave as it told its story to the
smooth pebbles on the beach or the unre-
lenting boot jack struck the high board fence
in the back yard Just missing the Roman tom
cat In its mad fight, and then all was still as
the breast whsa the spirit has departed.
Anon the half Stified Roman snore would
steal in upon its deathly stiffness and then
die away Like a hot biscuit in the hands of
the hired man
In the grsan room Of the amphitheater
k@tla hanA 81 erlodiatnfc pSSaTDhlpH
The foam Of aoudict yet fingered ON their
lips, tie Scowl Of baltic yet hung upon their
browS, aud ths large knobs On their protiles
indicated that it had been q busy day with
them 10 the orRRa
There was an embarrassing silence of
about five minutes when Spartacus, gently
laying his chew Of tobacco on the bannister,
stepped forth and addressed them:
"4r. Chairman. Ladies and gentlemen: We
call me chief, aud ye do well TO call him
chief who for twelve long years has met III
the arena every shape of man or beast that
the broad empire If Rome could furnish, and
yet has never Sguealed. l do not say this
realistically, but simply to show that | am
the star thumper Of the entire outfit
"If there be one among you who can say
that ever in public fight, or private brawl,
my actions did belle my words, let him
stand forth and say it, and l will spread
him around over the arena till the coroner
will have to soak him out Of the ground with
benziue. If there be three in all your com
pany dare face me on the bloody sands, let
| them come, and | will construct upon their
! physiognomy such cupolas and cornices and
| dormer windows and Coriuthian capitals,
! and entablatures, that their own masters
| would pass them bv in the broad light Of
| high neon uurecognlzed.
"And yet, was not always thus-a hired
butcher-tLe savage chief of still more
savage men. My ancestors came from Sparta
! Wisconsin, and settled among the vineclaC
hills and citron groves Of Syracuse. My
early life ran as quiet as the Clear brook by
| which | sportzd. Aside from the gentle
patter of my angel mothers slipper on tn,
| hustle of MY overalls, everything moved
along with the still and rhythmic flow OF
goose grease. Ny boyhood was one long
| happy sumner day We stole the Roman
! muskmelou, anu pat split sticks on the tai
of the Roman dog, and life was picnic. AM
a hal.e.uj .h.
"WLen. at noon, | led the sheep beneath
the shade AMI played Little Sallie Waters
on my shepherds dute, there was another
| Spartan youth, the son Of q ueighbor, to join
me iii the pastilne; we led our hJcks to the
same pasture and together picked the large
red ants out of our doughnutS
| Zone evening, after the sheep had been
driven into the corral, and we were all seated
! beneath the 'Bammygilead' tree that shaded
our cottage, my grandsire, an old man.
was telling Of Marathon and Leuctra and
| Dr. Mary Walker and other great men,
| and how little band of Spnrtans at Mil
waukee had stood off the police, and how
they fle; away into the mountains and
there succ, ssfJily held an annual railroad
pass Held it for year! | dIi not know
then what war was, but my cheeks burned.
| | knew not why, and 1 thought what q
| glorious thing it would be to leave the re-
servation and go upon the warpatb.
| But my mother kissed my throbbing temples
| and babe me go aud soak my head and
think o more Of those old tales and savage
| wars That very night the Romans landed
on our coasts, TLey pillaged the whole
country, burned the agency buildings
demolished the rancho, rode off the stock
tore down the smoke house, and ran theil