The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-02-01
TO- 81 DEER LODGE, MONTANA, FEBRUARY 1, 1854
WHY WE LAUGH.

A cool swindle: Collecting the Ice bill
twice.
The English language is fast becoming the
English slanguage.-1he Judge.
"a miss Is as good as mile," lie said; rs
he walked round his girl who weighed ls0.-
The Judge.
81 occasionally drop into poetry" as the
waste basket.
".Hsck % hack p shack, madam? p why
was most hacked to pieces by the savages "
exclaimed Aunt Tsbetha on emerging from
crowd Of hack-drivers at the depot.
What hymn would . deaf mute's wife
think about when she caught her husband
kissing the servant girl? "Oh, for thous-
and gues."-.Fal Riuer Adrdnce.
II am going to plant my foot down." said
the lady Of the house In wrathful tones.
"what yer going to raise, corns ?" interro.
gated the man of the house from behind his
paper.
Butcher-"I can't accept that trade dollar,
madam; 1t is not legal tender" Customer
-"Oh, you needn't put on any airs about
that trade dollar. It Is as near legal tender
as your beef is"
A Bismarck girl stood in the postoflice the
other day and yawned. A stranger stepped
up and inquired If there were any letters for
William Ambs. He thought IL was the gen.
eral delivery window.
Brown says he hates inqulsitive people and
the worst kind of inquisitiveness, he thinks,
Is that exhibited by the man who stops him
In the street and wants to know when he Is
going to pay that little bill.
"What Is q junction, nurse ?" asked sew
en-year.o old fairy at railroad platform. "a
junction, my DEAR" answered the nurse, with
the air of . very superior person, indeed,
"why, it's place where two roads separate" !"
A finely dressed lady slipped and fell, and
the gentleman who assisted her to her feet
inquired: "Did you break any bones, mad
am ?" "No, guess not" she replied; "but
I'm just as mad IS If had broken dozen of
'em."
Said one fellow to another, "lf ! was as
fat-footed as you are, would not be afraid
of slipping on the sidewalk" eyes," was
the response, 'some people are fiat on one
end aud some on another" The first chap
looked thoughtful and went down the street.
cam phSat Is yer son James doin' now,
| Mrs. O'Flaherty?" "Sure, an he's become
| q great gintleman, wild sich foine clothes on
him ye'd not know him. Hes In some bank
| beyant Cincinnati" "An' phwat bank Is it9'
Faith, an it's the Fary bank behave they
calls it."-Kentucky State Journal.
Mother TO governess) )-"Come, work the
children out of the room; my doctor Is com
ing" Little daughter-.'Oh. mamma, let us
stay here. We want to" Mother-"Well
what do you want ?" Little dsughter-"Why
you know, papa always says the doctor lea Is
you about by the nose. and we want to see
him do it."-Fareign Fun.
"My DEAR" said the aunt OF a young widow
to her niece one day, sis that your husband.
portrait on the wall ?" ayes, auntie." allow
blissfully happy and what heaven on eartl
must have been his life below" simpered tht
aunt. sab, yes" said the widow, "but WI
divided the thing up, so that when he be
came blissful In heaven became happy OF
earth."-Teras Siftings.
An exchange tells the following: "a gen
tleman of this city being desirous of engagin,
soprano singer, of whose ability he knew
but little, wrote to friend who knew al
about her qualifications as vocalist, request
ing full particulars. IL would appear tha
the lady makes considerable noise In taking
her breath, but this Is the way the frien,
expressed it: The lady Is agreeable in tn
choir, reads we'll, sings we'll, has full, ricl
voice and plenty of confidence, but her bscl
drsught is terrible"
A Montanian about leaving for the glow
ing sands of Southern California and quiz
ziDg lady living under the shadows of th
umbrageous willows at Sun river, said:
bequeath to you, Mrs. S., all my right, title
interest and claim to all the mosquitoe
which l leave behind" to which the lad
replied: "And to you, sir, give in return
all my share and interest in the hoppin
hsas OF Los Angeles" This eolloquy re
minded bystander Of the story Of the littl
girl who asked her uncle which was th
worst, sparrows or worms To which conur
drum he replied, 81 dunno which, neve
had sparrows."