The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1884-04-04
Wit and Hu,nor.

Wit and Humor.
At tho barber's. SIS this the same
razor I had yesterday" "Certainly,
SIR" "Then bring me the chloroform. ii
lie Figaro.
George Alfred Townsspd C'Gath' y
sails for Europe within q few weeks,
and like ex-Mayor Oakley Hall, of New
York, will locate in London as an
'American correspondent"
Parson Newman says 100000 are
spent annually on strong drink, while
only $12, ,OO0, 900 are spent for the sup
port of fpreacllers. This must be looked
into. II seems that $4,000, 900 is q
great deal Of ofmoney.-New Orleans Pic
ayune.
"It is beautiful thing to see q hus-
band and wife of one mind" remarked
Mrs. Fogg. "Yes," replied Fogg; but,
then, it makes good deal of difference
3ho carries the mind"
"John," said The butter dealer, "al-
ways put in couple of sheets of paper
when you weigh. Customers will think
you neat and cleanly in your business.
They don't like to have their butter
stopped onto scale that, for all they
know, has never been washed. And
besides, there's good profit in buying
paper at half cent q pound and selling
it for thirty-five or forty."-Boston
Transcript.
And now they are trying to make out
that Shakespeare was lawyer! It is
perfectly safe to speak evil of man
who has been dead for SO many years,
and it is for that reason all the more
cowardly.
It is we'll enough to advise 9 young
man to overcome all obstacles by ''tak-
ing the bull by the horns, but when the
youth is in the middle of field and the
bull is coming toward him with it's head
down and it's tail lashing the air, the
young man prefers to take the fence.
It would be decidedly unwholesome to
take the bull by the horns under these
circumstances.-Norristown Herald.
A recent writer on the emotions of in
fants says curiosity shows itself the min
ute child begins to take interest in
other things besides its food and when,
though it still carries everything to its
mouth, it does 80 merely because the
tongue is the finest as we'll as the most
exercised organ of touch. At this stage
the child handles things, looks at them
closely, pulls them to pieces, and SO in
playing instructs himself.
There is one satisfaction which the
illustrators of the press haxe. They
can use their pictures Of public men for
comic valentines after they have full
filed their first and most atrocious duty.
Transcript.
Experiments have been made at the
Signal Service Station in Cleveland,
Ohio, for several months past to see il
the wind had any effect on the mercury,
and during December observations were
taken daily upon two thermometers
placed upon the north side of the sta
tion, one Of which was completely ex-
posed to the storms and the winds, and
the other equally exposed to the cold,
but shielded from the wind. The final
summing up shows that the exposed
thermometer varied but two-tenths of q
degree from the sheltered one.
Wedgemoutl,, the conductor of the
Austrian polar expedition, has told some
of the results of his work at q late meet
ing of the Vienna Geographical society.
He observed 124 auroras, about 10 Of
which were crown.shsped. Among the
old lava streams and in the crevices Of
the old and numerous craters of the
island OF Jan Mayen he discovered
traces Of a still progressing volcanic &C.
tivity, and three times observed we'll
marked subterranean shocks,
The wife of Congressman Springer,
Of Illinois, although an invalid, is said
to be of great assistance to her husband
in his Congressional duties, attending
to great part of his correspondence,
and aiding him by her wise advise and
counsel. She is an intellectual woman
and highly educated.
Jacob Eyler Of Trnsvood Ohio, aged
ssventy.two years, Who i 6fsdited with
owning tho grestest part of the lively
village in which ,hs livs chi TED
sesic;ae rso ~ - 81 I've
Liop ~ Ana g. I ae 10