Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-01-11
ORR KALEIDOSCOPE,
AT THE END or THE FIRST wEER.
Who now can boast resolves unbroSen
Who now displays cigars unsmokcn1


Nobody
Who hasn't pushel the green bazc door?
Who doesn't billiard any morc9
Who doesn't swear, that sworc to swear no more?
Nobody
Unfortunately, it cannot be said that be-
cause a man burns gas his expenses are
light
Now we see what the clerk of tho wealth
has been driving at. A Troy plumber has
been compelled to make an assignment.
A large stone slab, deeply iudcntcd with
the feathers of some bird, has been discov-
cred in Connecticut, 1t must have been
spring chicken, escaped from the granger's
axe. We don't think any other bird woull
have been tough enough to do it.
Under the heading of "Flats,' in the adj.
veitising columns of city paper, the fore
man inadvertently worked in the "pcrsonal"
of young man who 'wished to secure a
vivacicus lady correspondent" Everybody
agreed that the foreman was excusable.
1--WE must look downward, as well as up-
ward, in human life,' says a writer. He
has evidently carried patch of snow on his
coat-tail, at various times during his check
cred career.
Among President Arthur's Christmas gifts
was big fur overcoat. Some people have
an awful mean way of suggesting changes in
the political atmosphere.
"Clapboard suppers" are the latest social
dissipation IN Maine. Rural beef is proba-
bly, served in some shape.
An exchange says that zone of the most
magnificent sunsets ever vouchsafed to NOR
tails was visible at about half-past seventeen
O'Clock last night" The editor must have
run his head against lamp post, or got
tangled up in an electric wire.
| The man who got his foot caught between
two rails, aud was all IN cold sweat until
he had cut $40 boot to pieces, was awful
mad when the train he heard coming wen,
by on another track.
There are said to be more pretty girls in
Washington this season than eyer before.
Leap year always brings out most cxtraor-
binary crop of pretty girls, everywhere.
| A writer says that when a mau is drunk he
always tells the truth. 1t this is SO, VIVA,
heaps of truth printer must tell during his
| lifetime!
| The old year has been one Of strange phc-
| nomena Among other unaccOuntabe
things, western editor paid bill for the
washing of six white shirts.
Ella Wheeler says she will write nothing
but hymns this year She feels as though
she ought to make some atoncment for these
Poems of Passion"
A blood relation-a newspapers account of
prize fight.
The bachelors motto: "a stitch in twin
saves nine.''
Good gracious George Francis Train is
going to start weekly paper. Boys, we're
in fer it.
Blobson says he actually believes that
castor oil would make boot gag.
81 am afraid You will have to excuse me,
l have an engagement" was the way a
young man turned of his first leap-year
proposal from young lady. His engage
ment was with the barber.
The would-be slim " no sneezed off Iii.
mustache, while making New Years cal
on some girls, will not be able to sit down
for week, he has kicked himself so severely.
MIR. Tilden called Only on married ladies
New Years day. How timil these young
bloods are, when leap year comes around.
Gentlemen, don't b. 50 tough on your
mothers-ln-law. Where it not for them you
wouldn't have your good wives. -Rentucky
state Journal Perhaps that's the very
reason some men are SO tough on EN-.
The electric light is to be introduced into
the New York State asylum for the blind,
We are glad to see the philanthropists, who
have been sending blankets to the cannibal
islands, turning their attention to the needs
of sufferers at home.
Nasty is now travelling in Maine, to see
whether prohibition prohibits there He
finds out, to his sorrow, that it does
No Norwegian girl is allowed to have a
beau until she can make nice light cake.
Thus the health of the young male Norwe-
gian is protected from such terrible ordeas
as are undergone by our young men.
d. J. Burke OF Florida is the father of
thirty-iive boys and four girls We'd be in
clined to pity the man, if it wasn't for the
thought how deuced lucky he was not to have
it the other way.
Can Woman Tell ?" is the title of cur
rent poem. Well, it depends. If you ask
her what the text was, she can't, but if you
ask her whether Mrs. So audso's cloak is
seal-skin or imitation plush, she can tell you
every time.
An exchange gravely propOunds the fol-
lowing conundrum: "Why are mules said
to be stubborn" The only reason we can
think of is because they are.
The Mahometans seem to prefer false
prophets to real ones. Like false teeth, they
come high, but arc easier to get along with in
the long run.
An exchange has sketch entitled, "Why
John Harding was Poor" We presume that
John, like lots of other young fools, went
and got married before he counted his sal
AIRY.
$50 to work and raise club for the
Gazette!" exclaims rural newspaper. Care.
ful--that's just what good many disguised
subscribers are meditatng already.
All the bravcst men among the Arabs steal
their wives. 1t is considered an evidence of
aIata..aI.iillu rlica Ia nsl.