Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1884-11-22
HUmoR OF THE DAY.

The blandest counsel may De q CEOS9
examiner.
The Indian "summer."-An aboriginal
arithmetician.
The donkey never suffers from soften
ing Of the brayin'.
The telephone has a great many con-
nections, but no blood relations.
Proverb for ball-players-Ah home base
is better than a foreign tenor.
The little girl who called the ostrich
the bird with a bonnet tail, putt about
right
A man may say he has got the boss
wife without intimating that he Il hen
pecked.
An uptown landlady calls 3 boarder
'Phenix," because he rises from the
hashes and flies.
"Why, Tom another holiday" eyes,
papa. That's the reason 1 go to that
school"
It is hardly probable that there are
any telephones in heaven. And yet
every angel will be recognizable by his
halo.
The evil things that men do live after
them. Even when an amateur cOrnetlst
dies, he leaves the fatal instrument be-
hind.
'No, sir" said the practical man, "no
bric-a-brac on the mantel for me- It's
a nuisance. Where's a man to put his
feet?D
Neuralgia" is the name borne by
charming girl OF Iowa. Her mother
found it on a medicine bottle, and was
captivated by its sweetness.
ALondoner advertises powder which
will prevent cats running around and
making a noise at night. 1t is black and
is put into a gun, and makes a noise It.
self
Kelley saws his new force is not at all
similar to electricity. Probably not.
Electricity generally goes.
Women are crowding into all the most
lucrative professions. Many have lately
become newspaper editors.
Yale College has now So optional
studies. Only by making most OF the
studies optional IS it possible to keep
abreast of the sporting world.
A mountain of wild honey 200 feet
high and $50 feet wide has been discov-
cred among the rocks of California.
California always has some big story to
circulate. Next year they will probably
be telling of a natural soda fountain
which throws a stream fifteen hundred
feet high favored with genuine fruit
syrups and also being responsive to
Winks.
Mrs. De sparks-Oh, have you heard
the news?
'Mrs De Poultice's daughter has elOp-
ed with the cOachman."
80 v,,fIfv,Cr 7rV1FrcFTnl gh0FTt that
She did just what all the other women
do"
''What all other women do! What do
you mean"
"she took her husband for wheel and
whoa"
Irate Prohibitionist-" see here, sir,
that stuffis fraud and want my mon
ey back"
Stationer-"Do you refer to that bottle
of mucilage I sold your"
81 certainly do. Its a regular humbug;
no use at all"
"Why, my dear sir, I thought it was
Just what you wanted. 1t is called TEN
perance Mucilage'"
Temperance A1ucilage!"
eyes; mucilage without any stick in
it."
'This is the latest agony in bonnets,
she remarked to her husband, as she
tried It's effect in the mirror.
"Is it paid for?" he asked.
"No; had it charged"
"Wel, it isn't the latest agony in bon
nets then" he said, with groan.
Mrs. Smith was calling on Mrs. Brown
when a sudden storm came up.
81 declare" said Mrs. Smith, ''its toe
provoking. / haven't any Tubbers with
me, and my shoes are very thin"
81 can lend you a thick pair of my own
if you think you can wear them" sug-
gested Mrs. Brown.
ooh, thanks; you're very kind. be-
heve ] will avail myself Of your offer;
don't think they will be very much toe
large"
A feeble old darkey struggled pain
boss" he said, Use an ole, ole man
I was BON in ole Vahginny, an ibbeC
dar mos on to ninety-eight year, an
want yO' ter assis' me er little dis maWiI
boss, eff yO' pleas, sah?"
''You knew George Washington, o.
course?'
"No, sab, Inebber seed him."
''What! You lived in Virginia ninety
eight years and never saw George Wash
ington?"
"Dat am er fac, boss. Use an homes
ole man, an am too far gone IN dis
worP fer to tell er lie I nebber seed
young George, but Lor', sab, his po' ole
gran'fadder an gran'mudder yuse tel
think er poW'ful sight OBJ me, boss"
"Jennie, I ask you again-wiI you
marry me? Yes or nor"
alfred, dearest, this is SO sudden
Then, winding a snowy arm about his
neck, the young girl dropped her blush
ing cheek upon his shoulder and muir
INJURED: won't you give me Just one
moment to think ?'
''lSo, my souls idol" he replied. 81
can no longer endure suspense. You