The Elk Mountain pilot., 1884-12-11
Nam ". Dag ty josh Bil]ings, T.,

the difference between the dog and
the man as a race Of people. Dogs
are dun brutes, men are d-n brutes,
(sum Nv EN-, that's the. difference be-
tween good dog and bad man; the
difference is slitely in faver Nv the dog.
Dogs cannot artikelate awdibly, men
ken; that is, if tina amt drunk. When
tina are drunk, thare amt much dis
tinkshen between EN-; tha both so
houlin around, and neither Nv EN-
knows whut he's howlin fur. Thare is
a CRATE menny kinds Nv dogs, perhaps
as menny kinds as thare are of the hu-
men family. Fur instense thare is the
big dog, and the ilttel dog, and the
ameriken dog, the cawcashen dog, the
afriken dog, the mongolien dos. and
the sassage dog and the dog-berry;
but so fur as l ken assertane thare is
not good dog in the hui generica-
kaninimus, which is WHARF the canine
lays eileen over his two-limbed friend.
1t is grate credit tu the dog that. this
is thusly, otherwise it mout bin sum
other way. Dogs are muzlshens neer-
ly all NV EN-, and their musick are a
kind Nv harmonius blendin NV instru-
mentel simfonies and vokel melodies,
which hev a tenency tu draw out meEs
tender feelins to wither an die before
the glare NV cheeky constituency, who
surround him round about to the very
utter muchly, even as the graceful gut
encirkeleth the bolony sassage; while
his sole flows forth on the gentel zeff
ers NV a bawmy eve, and alighteth on
the jaw Nv the mlzishen. On the hole
dogs as arace NV. animels, are much
like men. Thare is fur lnstense the
hound dog; like the humen hound, he
has allrs got (s)cent and that's about
as fur along as he gifts; then thares the
spaniel, an the pug, an the poodle.
an Fido he's a nice dog. Deer read
ers, didst ever feel thy hart swell with
pride, as thou stoodest on the publick
thurrowfare in this land Nv liberty and
home NV the grsyback, and gazed upon
a dozen or more CANNES engaged in a
meelee? No artist S pensll ken plckcher
a canine meelee. Nv all the grand
and glorius an sublime an soul-stilrm
gifts that the Deklerashen Nv 1ndepen-
dense ever brot tn sufferln humanity
on Co,unbia's suElit shores, the inal-
yenab!e right tu gaze en- ra4bo,t onto
a colony NV varius kullerd dogs in
meelee, acquires the pastry and rele-
gates tu oblivion the rite tu reed Shak-
speer in publick, the rite tu drink llk-
ker and the rite tu be spoony on sum
fellers sister. A dog free morei
agent; man is a enslaved immorel
agent. Mans liberties ale naut when
stood up alongside Nv dogs. Gaze
onto the yeller pup, fellow-sitizens;
grasp with thy nifty intelleck the in
numera5el and lnalyenable rites which
he has, and then cumpKe EN- with
ures, an yu will realize whit a m,sser-
bel, degraded slave yu are; then it is
that the yeller pup will rise, and loom
up on the horizon Nv ure mentel and
flosofical vishen like cove oyster at
church soshiable. [rest, sweetrest.
The dog is free. Untrammeled by
the minyens NV the law who make hu-
men life msserbel, he romes about at
his own sweet will. He ken git intu
a fte 81 times if he ken git chance,
in wun day and all will be we'll on the
Potomac; but, 10! One littel skrimmig
by his uprite brother, and change
Gums Oar the spirits in his dream, and
he indeth himself reclining on the
upholstery ii, the kalaboose. Again,
who shell say, as Fido or any other
dog is out in the hen-koop wooin his
lady luv, "get the hence Kelser, you
sunofagun, and cometh thou me not
around here sum more" No, yu bet,
silence only, speaks, and the dogs
keep on courtin. But how goes it in
this respect with his eddicated BROTH
er? All, friends, thares the rub. I've
bin thare, and sufferln humanity may
rest asshured I shell never want
l.. Tl~n ou1,, ~v~,, -.