The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-09-06
FROM DIeMARcK.

tuned nom Germany, delivered to us the following letter, written by Bismarck !: z Hearing that some one from this coun- try was going to Arkansaw, decided in
 order to save postage, to writeyes letter
 and send it by him. have long waited
 for an opportunity to address you, and in
 contemplation of this object, have de
 voted many hours to the study of Eng
 lish. would have begun this commend-
 able work sooner, but not until com
 paratively recent date did learn that English was spoken in Arkansaw. had
 always supposed that the people of your
 state spoke very sharp-edged language
 called Choctav. sent for a grammar
 of this language, but was informed that grammars were unknown, and that the
 only way the language could be acquired
 was by actual contact. l was not dis couraged, though, for had hopes of
 meeting Herr John Logan. You can. no
 doubt, imagine my delight upon hearing that your people spoke English. Well,
 ] am getting along as well as could be expected under the circumstances. l
 have lost much flesh lately. Somebody
 broke into my smoke-house and stole my
 meat Ha, ha. This is a piece of American humor Insert it at your
 regular rates and send me the bill. Seri-
 ously speaking-a piece of German hu-
 mor-l have lost flesh. don't know
 where I lost it, but it's gone. Why, sir, several months ago, was so fat that while out riding, the horse trod on my chin. This is the truth-that is, as nearly the truth as you are able to recognize.
 Now, l am lean, so lean that while riding my chin only rests OF the horn of the saddle. This is a great improvement, you see, and n i, had not come don't
 know what l would have done, for the heat of the present campaign would have injured me.
 "l notice that your people are greatly disturbed because refuse to associate with the American hog. There are so many hogs in America that a man can not associate with them all, and being unable to make a healthful selection, have decided to be exclusive. I'll tell you how came to take dislike to the American hog. Some time ago at- tended a banquet given by the great and only silent Von Moltke. While sitting at the table, was much inspired by baked shoat. The skin of the animal was marked of like a checker-board, and, having been baked brown, was attract cd toward it. A member of the English royal family remarked: Here we have a fine shoat. Will not the great prince a hind-leg take?' The great prince took a hind-leg. An, how juicy, how sweet. The parched skin cracked and snapped between my teeth, and the soft, white flesh, wrapped itself around my tongue in a manner highly enjoyable. Draught after draught of champagne was taken. The shoat seemed to rise before me in glow ing invitation, and with a master hand laid it away. After the banquet was over, went home in a hack. got into bed after exercising little of that diplomacy for which am noted. After lying there awhile, felt uncomfortable, and once, just as had begun to sink into a sick ening doze -one of those kinds charac- terized by the expression, hook-bar har- when l was aroused by the fancy that heard pig squeaL 1 arose and looked for the slop-bucket. Gone exclaimed, and from the dark corridor came the | echo, gone. There was the window. Thank heaven no one had taken it away. | l hung myself from the airy aperture. | 1 must have heaved, for as hung there, l heard the voice of passer-by say, they must be moving a safe in that building.' am well acquainted with | and know just how much to l take and retain my respect icf old age, I and, having been on my guard, the posi- ton into which had been thrown was | unaccountable, unless the shoat had done | the work. Afterwards l learned that un- der no circumstances, no matter how pressing, ought a man to mix German | wine and American hog. This was the foundation of the extensive prejudice which 1 now hold against the great American institution.
 "l see that you receive an occasional l letter from the queen of England. haven't much use for the family. Wales borrowed . thalez from me some time | ago, and though have thrown out re- peated hints with regard to the obiias- ton, yet he does not seem to worry about "a 4 IL 1T