National Republican., 1884-06-20

--NcW lOrF J0bn0.
THE first cyclone happened in Eden 1t
was perfect hurry Curt Pretsees Weekly.
PERSONS with sensitive stomachs aro re-
Joicing over the disappearance of luger-bowls
from dinner tables
Mrs. LANGTRY and Dion Boucicault are
said to be about to enter into partnership Of
however, purely business nature.
THOUSANDS of painted sparows arc sold
In London for canares and the fraud is seldom
detected until the new feathers begin to sprout.
THE late George Fuller Boston artist
LEFT fifty nine of his pictures, which are in
vontored at $4,000. He lcfl also 900 shares in
gold mine which are estimated as worthless.
THE average length Of life in this country
has greatly increased of lato years. The pension
records shows that there are now more survivors
Of the war of 1872 than there thirty years ago.
A TEXAS paper tolls of a man who was
recently shot "ln the back porch" That's better
than being shot in tho bay window. The latter
is most always iatal-old joke revised and copy
rghi9d.
"THAT, sir, is dessert" said the waiter to
a Hooser who was about to reach for something
on tho table, ~ don't care If 1t is a Wilderness"
WAS tue answer, ~ am going to cot it all the
same"
THE largest county in the United States is
Custer county, Montana, with an area OF $4,000
square miles. 1t is larger than the states of New
Hampshire, Vermont, Massac usetts, Connecticut,
Delaware, and Rhode Island combined.
A WAsu1NGroN little boy once asked a
pious old lady 81 she believed in ghosts. She said
she didn't. Whom he dumbfounded her by de.
claring that she then could not be Christian for
his Sunday school teacher said no one could be
one who did not believe in the Holy Ghost.
A Mr.. YoUMANs, Of Delhi, N. Y, publishes
the following card: within the past Sky days
have paid $3.50 for indorsing. Notice is hereby
given 10 the public generally that any man who
asks 10 indorse his note will do well to have his
life Insured for the benefit OF his family before
making such application"
A LANDLORD who is troubled with un-
reasonable tenants, says that Adam and Eve were
not turned out OF the Garden OF Eden. They left
of their own free will, probably because the Lord
would not build an addition to their bower, and
stop the rain leaking through the leaves i'll their
roof. The apple-tree incident he regards only as
an excuse
Boston editor wants to know "What
will the coming woman doY' Well, If you have
printed something nice about her she will pre-
tend to scold little about being put in the horrid
paper" and then buy dozen copies. But if you
happened to say anything about her big feet or
see, but strike out for the safe deposit vaults,
ROMAN villa has been discovered at
| Woolstone, iu the vale of the White Horse Berk-
| shire, aud some fine tesselated pavements have
been disclosed Several interments have been
disclosed. appare ntly of the Anglo Saxon period.
The soak or KIN lie dagger is strange to say, still
attached to the girdle of two of the bodies, pre-
sumed to be those OF the Anglo-saxon ladies.
THE following smart remark was made by
7-year-old boy OF our acquaintance. The doctor
had to prescribe for his sister, and suggested
that tho little boy might also take some OF the
medicine, as II would do him no harm. NO."
SAID the little fellow. manfully, "theres nothing
the matter with me, and you aint going TO run up
a big bill against papa on my aocount"-0A CITY
| Derrick
"WELL, john" said a Chicago saloons
keepers wife TO her husband the day followin
the adjournment Of the republican convention
did You clear enough money to pay off your
SIS 900 mortgnge7" NO." replied the husband,
"only made 81 600; but VIC must not despair; I've
more than doubled my stock Of whisky, and Wen
easily make the other $4,000 during the coming
democratic convention"
A BEAUTIFUL Promise stood In the hotel
entresOl mopping It's brow. "You seem exhausted"
said a settec. "Exhaustedl I guess you don't
know me- Not muchl I'm just getting warmed
up to my work I'm willing TO bet can do moro
hard work between now and election day than
anybody" "Doyou never rest?' "Oh yes right
after election I'll 20 to Sleep and you won't SEQ me
again for four years"
WHEN n limo full of washed clothes breaks
and drops IN the mud, an Ypsilantl man thinks Il
woman should he lot entirely alone. This is quite
correct, and any man of experience will ut once
skin over the back fence out through the alley,
and stay away until midnight, even If he has to
play whisky poker till then to spend the time,
The result will not be rs serious as II he stayed
and took the effect Of the first mad.
AFTER wiping of his mouth and carefully
placing he glass on the marble counter, he whs-
pered to the druggist: "Very good ginger ale that
is" eyes, sir" 81 can sell you recipe to make
8 cents worth of that I'LL cent glass" "Don't
want It. SIR" maybe you have a better thing %
81 have sir. can make 10 cents worth Of cay
emo pepper take the place of shilllngs' worth
of ginger" The thirsty traveller took lemonade
next time,
"HERE is book should like to have you
look at" said the Cauyasser, fixing his glmlet
eyes upon Fogg; 'it Is something you will ap.
preolate. II is "A Guide to Holiness" mo use
or It," exclaimed Fogg "aint going that way this
! year If you've got guide to the White noun.
tains the Adiron1acks, the sea coasts of New Eng
land, or anything of that kind, don't caro- If |
look at It," The canyasser was 80 astonished that
he left without saying another word,
CESAR had short legs, N apoloon was bow.
legged, Lord Palmerston had caricature legs
and so did Dlsrael. Alexander Pope was hump.
, backed and had u crlppe's leg; 30 did Cowper
Plutarch tells that Alexenders left leg was badly
out Of plumb. Hannibal had notoriously big
heels and was knook-kneed. Cicero was very
I spludle-shanked, and Domosthenes is said ID
4 have had a shuhling, stumbling gate which
lmaant that his leRa vsra not wholly in gear,