Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-08-14
A Penetrating Study Of French.

my dear" said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
looking earnestly at her husband and
biting the side of her forefinger, my
dear, do you know we ought to study
French?"
s.What for?' asked Mr.. Spoonpen-
dyke, laying down his paper and lean
ing back with an air of patience so
obviously artificial that it looked like
print. Found the English language
too short for your profunditY of ideas?
Got an idea that you would appear
better in low-necked and short-sleeved
French than you do in your native yard
and a half of tongue?"
ct wasn't that" replied Mrs Spoop-
endyke, examining her finger. Il
thought perhaps, we might go to
Europe some time, and then we could
enjoy it better if we could talk like the
rest"
Il don't know" said Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, severely. ut strikes me that
when / get where you and the rest talk
alike | shan't have much of a time.
How re you going to fix it?''
81 was thinking we might get one of
the French systems and study it nights, !"
exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke. 'In
fact, she continued Historically, give
bought it already. and | can talk q
little now.'
Lets hear" grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, startled by the the fact that his
wife had run little ahead of him.
''All right, y giggled Mrs. Spoopen-
donny may lee-iee- oh, yes!-lee-lee
| IL, l. l,o+
you can't guess what that means?"
Have you vivvisected any genuine
Frenchman with that particular effort
yet?" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke.
! ''Cornered a tramp and tried it on him
to see how it Works?"
Il knew you wouldn't guess it!'
crowed Mrs. Spoopendyke, clapping
her hands. And that is an easy one,
too. What do you do first thing, in
the morning?"
81 generally watch female lunatic
taking the hardware out of her
crimps," suggested Mr.. Spoopendyke,
solemnIy. is that the French for
knock-kneed hair-pins, with the knick-
erbockers ON emp
No." replied Mrs. Spoopendyke,
shaking her head emphatically. THAT
isn't it. The first thing you say in
| France is Carson, porter moy mon cafe
au lay, and he brings it.
He must be loaded in both barrels
with an accommodating spirit" growl-
ed Mr.. Spoopendyke, IF he brings any
thing on that stutter. What does he
do with the other thing you called for?
Leaves it tied up in the yard, maybe.
! Or perhaps he discovers that the de-
/ iunner has gone out with the KEY to
/ the forshet and won't be back till dark.
Who's 'he,' anyhow"
HE is the CARSON" expounded Mrs.
| Spoopendyke. ''He-n
| Il didn't know but what it was old
man Gar himself by the way you or
| Spoouendyke. HAS she' got sister
to take my orders?'
carson, means waiter, dear" con-
tinued Mrs. Spoopendyke. placidly.
| Now, you know what cafe is. don t
you? What do you generally drink at
| breakfast?'
81 generally drink in heap of dod-
yasted nonsense, proclaimed Mr..
| Spoopendyke. when the family is
in good working order and the gearing
well oiled | contrITe to Stake my thirst
on liquid idiocy."
That's wrong" smiled Mrs. Spoop-
endyke.
L know it, retorted Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, grimly, ''but it is the best 1 can
get. and I can't help it. Go ahead
with your drum corps, now. When he
brings up the distempered mind, what
| do YOU say then?"
.sCafe is coffee, said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, with a toss of her head. And
when 1 say porter moy lie cafe, !
/ mean"
That's queer mixture, unused
Mr.. Spoopendyke. You can have
yours that way, if you prefer it, but
I'll paralyze him with porter carson
me lie cafe. think I'd rather have the
porter mix the waiter in mine, than