Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-08-20
PLEASANTRIES.


Little girl: about three minutes, II
you please, thir."
A NEW HAVEN dispatch says Barbara
CANCEL, "a salesIady, aged Is years" has
been arrested for stealing from her en-
pIoyer. That was certainly unladylike.
A THREE-YEAR-oLD, noticing at dinner
table that her grandfather had shaved
off his full beard, worn many years, ex-
claimed, Grandpa, whose head you
got on?"
"No," said Amy, "Pll have the whole
hog or none" "Please don't say whole
hog demonstrated the high school
girl; "say undivided porcine. u Oil
City Derrick.
OSTRICH eggs are worth $1,000 per
dozen In California. When man calls
for three fried eggs out there they know
Immediately that he is either reporter
or bonanza king Elk.
MAMMA: My child, what makes you
such a bad girl?" Response: Well,
mamma, [ 'spose God sent you the
best children he could find; if they
don't suit you, can't help it."
CHEMISTRY begins to play havoc with
the mother tongue. The latest com
pound announced from the laboratories
is monochlorodibromoparadinitroben-
zol. The discoveries name is not
given.
BRowN-Ah, Foggl Quite stranger
How do you like your new residence?
Fine landscape, suppose? Fogg-No,
there's no landscapes TO speak Of; but
there's two fire 'scapes.-Bostcn Tran
SCRIPT.
THE telegraph announces the death
of Lord Petre, and adds that he was
"the twelfth baron and left family OF
twelve children" Had he been much
baroner he would have left whole or
phan asylum. TBurdette.
CHARLES DURY's wedding in Cincin-
natl was recently announced to his
brother in Florence, Italy. Dear
Brother: Splced. Charley" And was
replied to equally as briefly: "Dear
Charley: Shake. john
The young man from the country
and his girl were drifting slowly into
an ice-cream saloon, when the following
met his eye: Vanilla, chocolate, lemon
and strawberry ice-cream $3.50 per gal.
He turned and fed Rochester Post
Express.
WILLIAM BLACK, in "Yolande," speaks
OF man shaking as though he were in
the grip of a wise. Anything in the
grip of e wise, Mr.. Black. is not likely
to shake very recklessly. A wise is
rather close commandments Arkan-
sas Traveller.
GA six-year-old girl with thick whisk-
ers on her cheeks has arrived in New
York" She may be curiosity in New
York, but sixteen-year-old girls with
thick whiskers on their cheeks are COM
mon enough in this town-at times. =
INorristown Herald.
CITIZEN Examining last summers
flannel shirt my own fauIt-my own
fault b'Jove! Mighter known it. Didn't
put in enough insect-powder. Moths
ate up all the NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
more to eat-began on the shirt course
they did-can't blame 'em."
Two skulls of Cardinal Richelieu have
come to light, and a French editor
gravely observes that there seems to be
doubt as to the commences of one of
them. Why such doubt should exist
in a simple matter of that kind, is diff
cult to understand orristown Her
aid.
The following testimonial of certain
patent medicine speaks for itself: Dear
Sir: Two months ago my wife could
scarcely speak. She has taken two
bottles of your Life Restorer,' and now
she can't speak at all. Please send me
two more bottles. [ wouldn't be with
out it."
NICHOLAS PFoHL, Of Syracuse, n, Y,
advertised for a housekeeper the other
day, and married the woman who an
swered the advertisement after an hour s
acquaintance. Two weeks later his
wife ran away, and now he thinks he
will spell his name with a double "o''
-PfoohL- Lowell Courier.
'.IT seems to me-" said a Vermont
Judge to his daughter, ''that your young
man calls a good many times week.
Nv court doesn't sit anywhere near as
often as yours does" "Oh well, papa,
was the blushing reply, 81 an engaged
to him, you know, and that entities us
to a court of special sessions Bur-
lington Free Press.
A MAN named Campbell, superintend-
ing the construction of a mill at Blen-
helm, Ont, had a narrow escape from
death by a wheelbarrow falling from a
third story window and striking him on
the head. It seems to be a difficult
thing to get IN any position where the
wheelbarrow will not have the advan-
tage of the man when the two come to-
gether.-TDetroit Free Press.
n
are told that the Spartan boys were $50
Injured to privation that they wore but
one garment winter and summer" A
clothing house upon Broadway displays
large sign, reading, Pants exclu-
sively." Does this indicate return to
the Spartan custom? And if SO, does
it not show that the growth of luxury,
which our ethical teachers SO much L.