Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1884-1886, 1884-07-10
A NEW STAR.

The editor Of the EAGLE is in re-
ccipt of long string of editorial
puns. from new candidate for liter
cry fame living at Garden Plains. this
county. This new star fails to send
us his or her name, but authorizes lis
to use the iake-ofls rs our own. As it
is too late in the day Tor us tn hope
for fame secured at the expense of
brains not our own, we must decline
the kind offer Besides, we have no
assurance that our readers could stand
the strain. For several hours after a
perusal of the wonderful productions
we were incapacitated aud was only
brought back to Il normal condition
by reading seventeen columns oil the
proceedings of the democratic conven-
ton in Chicago.
We give couple average specimens.
herewith. which will cause our friend.
Alex Butts, of the Emporia News. 10
turn green with envy
GIVE us a rest. said the nuncNcd
man a. he tished out nickel from a
lot of $40 gold pieces. "Givc II, the
rest" said the deadheat rs he pocket
ed the nickel.
4 school house IN the west part of
the county is named after IA justice of
the peace who lives near by. The
ques ion to bc solved is Shal, it he
known 81 ''thc Esq. Ball school
house." or the Ball school house
Esq"
The writer in Il note accompanying
these gems, pathelically remarks:
Mr.. EDIroR.-Tbe accompanying
Job lot OF imperial puns are hereby
placed at your disposal. You are
privileged to read them over to YOUR
self and reap golden mirthfu harvest
all alone. or Law them before YOUR
readers that they, too, may sail out
into the royal iocular sea and have
their sides curdled.
want to make an explanation in
regard TO the use have made Of the
pronoun I'VE" The seeming prsump-
ton of writing little gems Of thought
and letting YOU give them out rs home
spun, even before you have asked me
to immortalize your name, will vanish
before the fact that | am too modest
TO bc immediately hoisted upon the
topmo,t pinnacle of fame. | could new
er stand the glare of an astonished
world.
Twas once afflicted with kleptoma-
MIA and corruptly stole "A horse, The
glare was too much for me then. |
am therefore down on glarcs and the
glory shall be yours. My name shall
remain obscure shall sink INTO cv-
erasting silence, unhonored and un-
known. shall pursue the even tenor
of my way and hold beneath the lock
and KEY of secrecy my real worth, and
as | ripcn into hoary age ! will go
down beneath life's western horizon
and calmly peter out.
This is why use. "we' in the afore
said immorralizcr. The word 81
seems too much like a personal alu-
sion 10 ''myself." This breaks the
tender network of modesty which,
lays in ficecy folds about my sensitive
being and leaves me in state that
might be beautifully termed, kerilum-
liked. (Kertlumixed means not sku-
jazz
To recapi,ulate. Ii YOU want TO
open up a new department in your pa
per devoted TO the science of common
things where intellectual refreshments
may be served up to your gentle read
ers, you may negotiate with the I'M
dersigned. | will work cheap as my
dear wife makes my bread and wafer !
money by taking in washing and
"stogy" cigars are rich enough for my !
blood.
Do not let this opportunity skin past
rs 1 shall not refer to the matter again |
this week. Love to all.
Yours Abundantly.