St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1884-02-21

Scrap-bOOk, the other day, came upon
one of the programmes that Artemus
Ward used to furnish to those who at
tended his lecture "Among the Nor
mons" Here is the programme
PROLOGUE By Artemus Ward
PrOfessedly to introduce the subject,
but really to give the plished
crankist time to unroll the first picture.
II.
The STEAMSHIP ARIEL AT SEA.-Out
on the briny. The sea rough. Pas
sengeTs unable to remain inside their
staterOoms or outside their victuals.
An immense sea-serpent in our wake,
another in our sleep. Land no IN.
B. The hoe is now in Artemus Wards
possession. lsthmus of Panama. In
teresting interview with old Panama
himself, who makes all the hats.
Old Pan is a likely sort of man.
MONTGOMERY STREET, SAN FRAN
CIsCo.-Life and things in Ell Dorado.
The Chinese Drama-Light Celestial
Comedy, in seven hundred and two
acts by "a Chinese gentleman of this
city. Good quarters to be found here.
Playful population, fond of high-low
Jack and homicide.
VIRGINIA CITY.-A wild place. Game
abundant principally Faro and Bluff,
shooting prevalent in consequence.
Every man carries revolver, and
every other man two. Silver mines.-
The treasure carefully guarded, each
proprietor keeping a silver watch.
THE GREAT DESERT. A dreary
waste of sand-a perfectly shameful
waste, i'll fact. They ought to save it.
BIRD's-EYE VIEW OF GREAT SALT
LAKE CITY.-A rather pretty picture,
with some entirely serious descriptive
talk.
MAIN STREET, WEST SIDE.-This
heing view of Main-st., west side, is
naturally view of the west side of
Main st.
MAIN STREET, EAST SIDE.-The Salt
Lake House. Lots of salt in this house
salt cellars, in fact. A temperance
hotel-nOthing stronger sold than but
ter, which was rather strengthy when
4. w. was there. Guests are request
ed to turn off the candles before retir-
ing at night. Washing not allowed i'll
rooms. You must go ont in the porch,
and wash with cast-irOn soap, though
they call it cast-steel.
THE MORMON Mormons
as theatre goers. Effects of the Drama
on their manners, etc. 1t accounts for
the way they act. Also, for their call
ing certain place the "Bottomless
Parquette.n
BRIGHAM YOUNG's HAREM.-One OF
the most interesting places in Utah,
especially to Brigham Young. Two
dwelling houses and schOOl-house
In the latter addition is illustrated by
Brigham's wives, and multiplication
by his children. The pretty girls in
Utah mostly marry Young.
XII.
HEBER c. KMBALL's HAREM.-Mr.
kimball has Il great many wives, who
are very dear to him much more ex-
pensive than less number would be
he is one of the most numerous parents
in Utah. Seventy-siX MormOnesses
share Mr.. Kimball's lot. We do not
know how many acres there are in this
lot, but there ought to be lot of them
for such a lot of wives, who, should
they follow the saline example of Lots
wife, will make Salt Lake City salt in
deed. On being tenderly cOndOled
with on the death of one of his wives
Mr.. Kimball said FOh. never mind
I've got plenty more of 'em at home
XIII.
THE TABERNACLE.-This is the great
| Mormon meeting house. The Elders
and Youngers 'preach" here. A Brass
| Band is at one end of the building ant
the Pulpit at the other. Thus there j:
Brass at both ends. The Mormon sis
ters sit by themselves, in the middle o
the house. Rows by any other name
wouldn't be as sweet.
The GREAT SALT LAKE.-CuriOui
body of water-AnalyzatiOn proves i
to contain a large number of old salts
No fish can live in it except salt cod
fish, mackerel and red herrings. Their,
are mermaids there, though they hav,
Salt Rheums. Injuus live on the banl
of this lake. Little Injuns seen in th'
distance trundling their warwhOOps
XVI.
The ENDOWMENT HoUsE.-In tbi
building the Mormon is instructed int
the mysterious rites-and wrongs-o
his faith.
The DESERT AGAIN. - Handsome
than the first view. 1t doesn't "hOwl
as much. Indians on the war-patl
"Methinks | see a warhOop !" Ha
redmen, "WOuld'st scalp a Lecturer 2
(N. b. They would'st.)
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.
Saccharissa-'I have no home
. where shall / go n If you want
"Home, Sweet Home" you had bette
go on a sugar plantation.
Laura Matilda.-''I have an unfortu
: nate tendency, even on trivial occa
siOns, to shed tears. How can / pre-
vent it ?" Lock up the shed.