The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-01-24
A JUDGES REVENGE.
How a Pair OF Long-Windcd Lawyers
Were Treated in Il Caliior-
MIA Court.

Sometimes judicial humor takes rath-
er grim shape, and good instance
of this occurred here in San Francisco
"a few weeks ago. 1t was in one of the
superior courts, presided over by a
Judge who is as remarkable for the as
ceticism OF his life as for the remark
ably judicial cast of his mind. He is
veritable Socrates of the bench; truth
seeker who thinks no time wasted, no
labor ill-spent that tends to throw the
slightest light upon the merit of the
case before him. At the same time he
abhors above all things the frivolous
waste of time indulged in by some at
torneys who seek to gain u reputation
by going over the same ground again
and again and badgering witnesses up
on trivial points which can have no
real bearing on the case. Now it chanc-
ed that in suit for divorce, recently
tried before this modern Socrates, the
opposing counsel were both men of ex-
actly the same type, though they work
ed by different ways. One was gen.
tleman who makes up for a lack of
quick perception and legal acumen by
a Bunsbyish affectation of depth. AS
cross-questioner he is one of the wood
saving order of attorneys; slow, tedi-
Gus bore, who, in following little points
out to their ultimate conclusion, some
times fails to grasp the broad issues OF
the case. He takes exceptions to every
single ruling, and lumbers up his cases
with q mass of Verbiage which, while
it might perhaps serve to entangle
dull jury, is Immediately cast aside by
the clear, incisive insight of trained
and experienced judge. Opposed TO
this legal smooth-bore in the divorce
case was q lawyer of the sledge-ham-
mer, police court, cut-and-slash order,
a sort of legal bushwhacker, whose
tactics were not to join issues squarely
and fight in the open, but to make I'M
expected sorties, dash in on the enc
my's wings, harry his pickets, and
drive his witnesses half crazy by the
most brutal attacks on their character.
The case on which this pair of worth
les was engaged was a suit for divorce
brought up by wife on the ground of
cruelty. Both plaintiff and defendant
were put on the stand, and in addition
some five witnesses were examined. 1t
was a simple case, and one that could
easily be tried fairly in half a day. But
the bushwhacker for the plaintiff intro
duced so many irrelevant matters, and
the smooth-bore for the defendant
wasted SO much time TO find out wheth-
er it was q blue dress or a green one
which the plaintiff wore when the de-
fendant ill-treated her, that it was two
full days before the testimony was all
in. The judge had done all in his power
to stem the tide OF talk, and was an
noyed beyond measure at the waste OF
time, for his calendar was crowded
and other litigants were anNiously
awaiting hearing. On the morning
of the third day the judge expressed q
hope that there would be no long afgu-
ments, but it was noon ere the plaint-
if s counsel had finished his abuse, and
the shades of dark were falling when
the defcndant's counsel was compelled
to stop from physical exhaustion.
81 presume that your honor will
charge the jury tomorrow morning."
said the smooth-bore as he sat down.
You have presumed too far for
once" said the judge grimly. Il am
determined to dispose of the case to-
night 1t has been delayed too long
already, and for that reason we will
have an evening session"
But, your honor" exclaimed the
bushwhacker, jumping hastily to his
feet, Il have to be present at a mar
riage party, given in my house tonight
and 1 must beg your honor TO postpone
until tomorrow" ''And, your honor,
there is also n party at my house to-
night, and must really press my mo-
ton for postponemcnt," " said the
smooth-bore.
This was literally pepper in the
courts soup;" 'water on the judicial
Wheel as the vernacular has it. For
three days he had calmly endured; now
| was his chance for revenge, and SO
there was natural tinge OF sarcasm in
his voice when he remarked: II really
cannot see how gentlemen who have
shown such intense anxiety for their
clients interests for three days could
bear ND under further delay, and so in
the face OF my own inclination shall
order night session. Mr.. Clerk, ad-
| journ the court until 8 p. II"
At s p. III. the court recpened. Both
| counsel, eager for the evenings festiv-
| tiles, had donned their dress-su is.
Both were accompanied by the ladies
they were to escort during the evening,
| and both had carriages awaiting them
at the foot of the stairs to bear them off
to the scenes of gayety SO soon as the
court finished. Mounting the bench,
the Judge took in at glance their pre-
parations for q hasty flight, and they
only gave an added zest 10 his revenge.
Noticing the presence of ladies, he
said:
Counsel are aware that this is di-
vorcc case, and of the charges made,
and while the court has no wish to re-
quest the ladies to leave the room, he
would suggest that he intends to dis
cuss the case thoroughly"
Counsel looked blankly ateach other;
the ladies appeared to take the sugges-
ton as challenge and only settled
themselves more comfortably in their
chairs. Then the Judge commenced a
review of the case in point, and at 9 p.
m. had gone through the evidence.
Counsel frightened percep:ibly but
| their countenances fell VIII The Judge
! remarked that he proposed to 90
through brief review of the history
of divorce from the earliest times.
They protested that this was unneces-
sary, but the court replied that in view
of the Importance of the trial, as shown
by the length of the arguments, he did
not feel at liberty 10 omit any point in
his charge. At 10 p. m. no reached
the history of divorce under the Caesars.
Counsel were yawning, the ladies
asleep. At Ii p. m. he had finished the
history of divorce in the reign of Queen
Victoria and was just commencing to
tackle the history of divorce in Ameri-
ca. Both counsel were asleep when
the Sickles case was touched upon, and
snorcd heavily when the court was
pointing out the beautiful points in the
Sprague case. Dropping book and
upsetting the water decapter to awake
them, the court proceeded to tackle the
Fair case, and at II p. m. was slowly
wading through the mass of deductions
he had made from the history cited.
At l a. m. the court ceased and the
two attorneys, with their ladies', crawl
ed downstairs to find that they owed
the hackmen $3.50 each for waiting
time, and besides the consciousness
that the court had fairly paid them out
in their own coin, which gave them nc
possible chance to complain, they had
10 endure the hard reflection OF al
evenings pleasure sacriiiced.-AttC
~