Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-01-11
FUN

''Love lighteus labor Eyes, it does"
is Burdette's comment, land when you We
taken fat girl out for sail. and the wind
goes down to dead calm and you have
six miles to row against the tide with
steering oar and canoe paddle, labor
lightens love, now you just let your bot
tom dollar.''
When Messrs. Root, Diqh and Hogg
were candidates for sheriff in remote
county in Arkansas. the voters came to
the conclusion that the time had come
when it was Root, Hogg or Digh.
It's very easy to start false reports.
Just because a woman, while buying
broom wanted one with a heavy and
strong handle, it was reported around
that she was in the habit of beating her
husband.
sim burning to stand at the head of
my class, !" remarked the boy as he threw
his schooImate's exercise in the fire.
Ice cream. being of low temperature,
impairs the teeth. and predsposes them to
decay. Young man cut this out and show
it to your girl, if you want to save money
next summer.
The only drawback which many q de-
serted husband finds to the felicity Of hav
ing his wife elops with another mai, Is
that she did not take her mother with her.
A Michigan debating society has decided
that the man who will smoke around a hay
stack is a bigger fool than the man who
blows into loaded gun.
Are you aware that breakfast IS ready.
and waiting fer your Asked an indignant
father as be shock bis lazy son. "Well,
yes, father" answered the hey. 81 aU
just waking up to the fact.'
There is an Old prov.ro which says
stYou cpnnot get more cut of a bottle / au
was Put ia it," This is mistake.
man can get ali that was put in the bot
tie. and In addition to this can get $40, or
thirty days.
An exchange has an elaborate article
for amateur v0callsts, How to begin t.
sing" How to get them to quit is still an
unsolved problem.
''Drinkin' whiskey is like maxim
money says Uncle Nose. DE more yer's
got de mere yer thinks yer ken stan'."
The fisherman is the one who has to
scratch for living, at least you continu-
ally hear Of him having bite.
The great Indian corn cure-The August
sun.
Il tell you," said the bad boy. confdeE-
TALLY. to group of youthful friends,
my mother may seem small-don't be-
lieve she'd weigh more than l do in her
stocking feet-but her slippers is heavy,
though, you bet ~
Can your wife driver" one Somervllle
mau asked another. Drive whatsn
Drive horse. of course" "Drive a
horse? why, man, she cannot drive
nail.''
Is smoking injurious? 1t depends on
who pays for the cigars.
Oscar Wilde says that short hair cannot
60 with knee breeches. No; it usually
goes with striped trousers.
Wanting to have quiet time the other
day. the editor hung the Office towel out
side the front door, and the usual run of
callers all thought some one was dead. and
passed by on tiptoe.
Wanted.-A good cook. who will board
q man for nothing and furnish her own
grub. Good looks not objected to.
Archibald Forbes, the press correspon-
dent, has been through seven wars and
taken part in $50 battles, but is yet not
satisfied. We see by the papers he Is 60
ing to get married.
"What is the mission of humorous wri-
tersY" Is . question propeunded. Tie
mission of most humorous writer's is to
slowly starve himself and family to death
at ten dollars week.
Why are there not more lady reporters?
Well. We suppose it's because they would
tell all they knew before the paper came
out, and then no one would want to read
1t.
When you see glass Of water-Goblet.
Quick figures-The dancing master.
Superior sparkling rich girl.
Remarkably fine board-Sawdust.