Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1884-04-10

aCircusP screamed fifty childish voices,
the shrill treble of the infant class rising
high above the rest.
Jones-"I am surprised to hear that
there is an opera season actually going on
at Cincinnati"
Smith "Yes, it is true, and they say
the Opera House is flooded with applica-
tions for seats"
Jones-"Then I suppose the tide OF
popularity Is so high, that every night
the singers gaze upon sea of upturned
faces"
Smith, have an ocean that the
opera people must consider themselves
In the SWIM"
Jones" Yes, but think Of bathing in a
food of harmony at such time"
The Fool Killer" Water you talking
about, anyhow? Take that and that!
No arrests.-PhiIG. Cal.
Pet-"Do you know that we are to
have new papa ?" Jack-"No, dess
you is taken" Pet-''No, amt. Nurse
said mamma was goin' to be married
again and that would give us a new
papa" Jack-"Who is it ?" Pet-"That
Mr.. Simpkins that never brings us any
candy" Jack-"Is ma doin' to make
him. our papa ?'' Pet yes" Jack
Serves i'm right ze.5 .,-.el::sssza ga zZea
cat the party last night I noticed you
were little too much like the toasts. ]"
"Why, how were the toasts ?" ''They P
they were drunk !"
First Young Lady-''Did you hear of
the death of Katie Jones father ?" Sec
ond ditto-'Yes, was much surprised.
| didn't know he was alive till I heard
he was dead"
Charley is sick man." "Is he ?''
"Why, haven't you heard oft? He has
been hanging on the brink of the grave
for fortnight" EThen don't wonder
that he's sick"
Little Jenny belongs to a fashionable
set. Here, Jenny" said her father,
no good take it away. They haven't
worn those things for month"
"Idon't see how. you city folks live
with no exercise at all" remarked a
countryman to his new boarder. "No ex-
ercise !'' exclaimed the man; ''you never
saw a fellow chasing street car !"
'tNo, don't go yet" said the Buffalo
girl at midnight, as her lover rose to leave
"Don't go yet; it isn't late. Remember
that the clocks in the city have been
showed ahead sixteen minutes"
Mamma, where's papa gone tor
asked a little girl one day. "He's gone
to town to earn more bread and butter
for you, darling. ooh, mamma, 1 wish
he could sometimes earn bunsw sighed
the child.
"No," said the young man, "I dom
| 1O,,E TJrvO hoy
since the silk quilt craze. You see, the
girls beg the ties and that makes the fel
low who wears them of some import
ance."
"Can you tell me how to decorate ia
BILE cloth?" asks fond young thing. o
course we can; (less noise on the bacl
seat thereD spill the gravy on it anC
fresco with dabs of mustard embroidered
with sorghum and coffee.
Mrs. P. de t." Well, good by, dea
duchess. Oh, by the way, may bring
Won Humm to you tomorrow night
He's the great organist, you know!"
Her Grace" By all meansi and tel
him to bring his instrument with him"
The old lady sounds upon her counte
a. five franc piece that " Citizen" ha
! just given her. az do not like to hav
|
the customer. "But the piece might b.
counterfeit, sir" Exactly; that's jus
the reason"
A Bridgeport young man asked thu
lady of his affections the other evening
how she liked the looks of his new style
standing collar. After critically survey
ing him and the collar she replied
every nice indeed. It looks likes white
washed fence around lunatic asylum.
Little Girl-"Papa, did mamma say
yes right off to you when yol
asked her to marry you?" Papa-"Cer
tainly she did" L.G.-"Why don't SHE
say yes now just as quick when you ash
her to do things ?" Mammal
hearing is not so good now, darling
that's ALL
poor John, he was kind and for
bearing husband" sobbed the widow, OF
her return from the funeral. eyes,
said sympathetic neighbor, ''but it il
all for the best. You must try and com
fort yourself, my dear, with the though
that your husband is atpeace at last"
Teacher-"Who reigned after Saul p
Scholar David" who came afte5
David?" Solomon" "Who came af
ter Solomon?" "The Queen of Sheba,
answered the pale young man on the
back bench, and the teacher turned tx
the 916th chapter of Corinthians anC
looked solemn.
Which Died First?
Kansas City Times
Mr.. J. G. Tarsney has received a Iette
from a client in Canada, which raises