Connecticut western news., 1884-01-23
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WIT AND WISDOM.
fr'owL-The cats.

ACTORS and actresses get their bread by taking roles
 WHAT color would you dialogue Teller, of course.
 WHAT relation does a woman want Co bear 10 cold weather2 SeRl skin.
 PAYING dividends on watered stock is now called "El Mahdi," because it is "false profit"
 You've men of strong constitutions should not forget that Goliath died from the effects of Q sling.
 "wHo was the straightest man in the BibleP" Joseph" "Whyq" "Be- cause Pharoah made Q ruler of him"
 "I SAY Mo-" is the title of willuie Collins's new story. It sounds bko n husband answering Q wiie'a request for a sealskin cloak.
 THREE years constant study in Italy will make an American girl know too much to sing in church and too little to be useful in opera.
 HENRY WILLARD should have stuck to the newspaper business. Then he would have known just how much ho had.-- NctU Tork Graphic.
 ONE of the Harvard students has fitted up his room at n cost of s4,0o0. We suspect that the young mans room is better than his company.
 SOME people seem to have been born without conscience. You can no more teach them to do right than you can teach crab to crawl straight ahead.
 Miss ALoorr soys "she has fallen in love with a great many pretty girls in her life, but never once the lcast bit with q man." Just so with us. Boston Post
 THE singer who understands the man- agement of his breath is considered Q great artist. tt ought to be tho same way with barber.--Net0 orleans Ptca- gtgie.
 Ir is q mean servant girl who, to gratify a petty malice, will put codAsh on the range when she knows that her mistress is entertaining company in the parlor.
 MAMMA (to little Bertha, whe had inl- len in the dirD; "You needless child Now what shall I do with youg" Bcr- tha: "Clean me, mamma "--Phiia. Epc'g Call.
 "wHAr is the reason, said an Irish- man to another, "that you and your wife are always diBagreeinR9" ''Be- cause, replied Pat, i've are both of ono mind-she wants Co be mastor md SO do I"
 A BISHOP was paid $500 for pronounc- ing the benediction at wedding tho other day, and yet in less than week the couple quarrelled over the question as to which should get up first md start the fire.
 WHEN n man enters sAmplc-room md sees a person there with whom he has sworn of, the man inside says ho entered to warm his hands, while tho other says he just dropped in Co as- certain tho time of day.-Ptok.
 HER complexion is bright as the roses That bloom in tho soft summer air, And when in the sunlight she poses, Men rhpturous gaze on her hair. But the hair of that beautiful huggitt
 Cost her father snug pile of !" rocks ''
 That complexion she bought of a druggist
 For soyenty-ive cents box
 IN THE ruins of pompeii the remains of n man with n satishsd smile on his face and four jacks grasped in his dried up hand have been unearthed. The workmen are now digging away vigor- ously for the other fellow to see what he held.
 "HARRY, you'd ought to know better at your time of life, ogling at all the girls you meet" "Faot ia, do know better" said Harry; "but then 'tisnt good taste, you know, for fellow to be parading his knowledge in public. "-- Boston Globe.
 'I WISH you'd let up, Mildred, ' re- marked Amy to the high school girl, after that young lady had lcotured her n while on tho proprioties, "Let up 1" ox- claimed the high school girl; ''more slang Why don't you say, Permit yourself Co arise p"
 A LITTLE company were discussing man of some noto and surprise was ox- pressed that he should have been black balled at the club..a Well. " explained one who seemed to know him rather more intimately than the rest, "the fact ia ha is disapreeable-all his friends hate him."
 MOTHER (to govemoss)-"oome, work the children out of the room; my doctor is coming" Little Daughter-"Oh, mamma, let us stay here. Wo want to- Mother-"Well, what do you want ?" Little Daughtor-"Why you know, papa always says the doctor leads you about by the nose, and we want Co see him do it. Foreign Fun.
 ANOTHER, may Bridget cut that cake now ?" asked little Johnny, last evening, right in the presence of some company who had just got seated. ''No, child; not now.p "Oh, yes; not now That's what you've been sayin' fur a week, md you said you wuz goin' to cut it as soon as you'd have company" In an hour or so after Johnny got slice of the cake. .-Merchdnt TrdUoiier.
 TIE feminine mind early attains Co tho consideration of the ethics of the afIoc- tions. In one of our city schools the other day the class in English grammar was discussing the difference between the word "like" and glove" ''Now,' said the teacher, i've can like tomato, but is it proper to say we can love n to- matop" "No, it is not, said n fresh xor,s, miss "One cannot love n to-