davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

in a patronizing manner on his
associates as he tapped thick wad of
copy which peeped from his breast
pocket. In one hand he carried his
cane and with the other he distributed
cigars, of which he seemed to have an
endless supply, to every one he met.
After making several tacks he bore
down on the city editor and deposited
on his desk his bundle of copy with a
stately mien.
Gus read that" he said; "nozzin'
slow about that. Struck out n m own
account. Old shtyle too monotonous.
AS soon as the city editor had re-
covered he commenced to read:
"The Solid Sons of Solomon held
their annual games at MistleUoe Park
yesterday afternoon. The clerk of the
weather was in q generous mood, and
the quantity of sunshine supplied, left
nothing to be desired. The sparrows
and bobolinks chirped peans of Joy,
and all nature seemed to be revelng in
a paroxysm of delight. A steady stream
of sons and daughters of Solomon
passed through the gates sorely taxing
the energies of the ticket-taker, Gus
Libby, who keeps first-class saloon at
No. 2009 Fulton Street"
(The blue pencil here came into
play
Passing through the grounds one
was struck by the general good order
which was found everywhere. This
was due in a great measure to the
watchfulness of Officer Muldoon, who
was on duty. This officer has not been
long on the force, but he has already es-
tablished reputation which will soon
lead him to promotion"
(More blue pencil.
The sports were of a most exciting
nature, consisting of races, etc., and
were under the charge of Billy Field,
the veteran athlete, and Joe Morris,
who keeps a cigar-store on Myrtle
Avenue, and who stands high in the
esteem of the citizens of Brooklyn as a
conscientious dealer and good fellow.
Here the city editors hair began to
stand on end, and the blue pencil
dropped from his grasp. He read on,
however,:
"The refreshment booth was marvel
of neatness and good taste, and reflect
ed great credit on the gentleman in
charge, Mr.. Owen McGaun, whose place
OF business is at No. 1898 Myrtle
Avenue. Owen has been in the trade
good many years, and is well known
among the sporting fraternity of Brook
Ign. It is generally conceded that his
stock of liquors is unsurpassed in the
country, while bis old sour-mash
whisky"
"Did you write all this yourself?'
said the city editor, with dazed look.
Every word" said the new reporter
rising two inches in height. "Will il
appear tomorrow"
at within the waste-basket. You
look tired. Take a few weeks "a few
months'-rest in the Catskills, and
don't come back until we send for you.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Best Weight for Market Pigs.

The style of market pig has under
gone great change within few years.
The large 400 or 500 pound hog is now
seldom found. The overgrown hog is
no longer sought after, and pig feeding
has been more carefully studied of late
years. Shrewd feeders have found that
the older the hog the more it's carcass
costs per pound. It is also found that
the flesh of the large hog is coarser and
stronger, and not as sweet and fine
favored as ten or twelve months pig.
It is true, the older and over fattened
hog yields more lard, but this does not
carry profit with it, as lard often brings
no higher price than the side pork.
The inducement, therefore, to grow
these large hogs no longer exists, and
the 3OO-pound pig has displaced the
5OO-pound pig Live Stock Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Greenhorns and the Cash-Car System.
1From the Providence Journal


The cash car system, which isioperat-
ed with great success In some of the
dry goods establishments in this city, is
a novelty and wonder that parties
from the out of-town precincts can not
understand. To some OF them it ap-
pears TO be pure necromancy. An old
man and hiswife who, from appearances,
belonged to the neutrality-suspicious.
region, entered one of the stores where
this labor-saving innovation is intro
duced, and, after making some pur-
chases, rendered bank bill of large de-
nomination in settlement. The clerk,
all unconscious of the storm that was
soon to break, pulled down one of the
hollow balls, and putting the bill inside.
pulled the string and the ball proceeded
down the rail TO the cashiers desk. The
countryman and his better half, who
had watched the proceedings with
breathless interest, seeing their money
departing, as they supposed, to unknown
regions, ran down the aisle with their
eyes Oh the ball and shouting. "Stop
thiefW There we're number of people
in the store who enjoyed the fun as the
old gentleman protested loudly against
the city swindle, and even when he re-
ceived his correct change back he could
not be convinced that robbery was not
meant, believing that his and the old
woman's smartness in keeping their
eyes on the ball was all that saved their
property from the confidence men they
had read so much about, but had never
met before
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
The New Reporter.
Iron the Brooklyn Eagle. ]


The new reporter was a Yale gradu-
ate, could spout Latin and Greek in any
kind of meter, and had the comic sec
tons at his fingers ends. The tough
est propositions of old Euclid were as
the questions of child to him, and he
regularly went through course of al
gebraic exercise before breakfast. He
had been intended for the church, but
his surging ambition sought wider field,
and he expressed his intention of erect
ing Lighthouse in the sea of literature,
by which he would be remembered for
all ages. He longed to grapple in col
lar-and-elb style with the great ques-
tons of the day, and doubted not his
ability to knock out the knottiest social
problem IN one round. Like all great
minds, however, he had to begin at the
bottom of the ladder, but Oft in his
peaceful sleep he dreamed of the time
when he should have reached the high
est round, and groaned aloud as the
thought struck him that there he must
remain.
During the first few days of his noviti-
ate he took in a couple of temperance
meetings and invested strawberry
festival with a degree of hallowed
enjoyment greater than it had ever en-
tered into the heart OF man to believe
that such wild revel could possess
Saturday afternoon he was told to go
out to Mistletoe Park and get up good
half-column report of the annual sports
of the Solid Sons of Solomon.
Make it lively" said the city editor.
"You may trust me-" answered the
budding Thackeray, and, making sure
that he had his notebook and good
supply of pencils, he few down the
stairs, three steps at time.
About half-past 9 the busy toilers in
the editorial rooms were distracted
from their labors for moment by a sort
of idiotic cackle, which proceeded from
no less parsonage than the embryo
Journalist. He gazed benignantly but
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
A Sack of Corners.
~ 20
From the Newborn Journal. I

LFTULu ln6 NEW 6rn JOurnAI.I
A few weeks since a stranger called
at one of the Trenton stores and pur-
chased goods to the amount of 1925.
and having deposited his coat on side
counter when he entered the store,
stepped over to his coat and dragged il
up to him, and out of a huge pocket
brought forth large-size shot sacb
filed to the top with what the merchant
supposed to be either gold or silver.
The customer united his sack, and to
the astonishment of the merchant he
poured out neither gold nor silver, but
counted him out just 325 large, old
fashioned copper cents, threw his coat
over his shoulder, took his purchases
and departed.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
A Sure Indication of Health.

Regularity in the habit of body is an infallible
indication of health and it is of the last import
ance to cultivate such regularity, and put a
speedy stop to its interruption Hostetters
Stomach Bitters is speedily inducive of this re-
suit, but while it relieves constipation, it differs
widely from cathartics of the old fashioned and
violent style, which wrenched, drenched and
weakened the intestines while relaxing them. 1t
is essentially gentle if effective aperient, and
therefore far better calculated to do permanent
good than purgatives which impair the vigor of
the bowels. Dyspeptic and bilious symptoms,
usually found in connection with the first men
toned trouble entirely disappear through the
regulating influence of this sterling household
remedy. The denizens of fever and ague locali-
ties seek its protective and remedial aid, with q
confidence begotten of long experience, and it is
Used with the best and speediest results as re-
cuperant of physical energy, and as a means of
amelforating those intrmities which especially
beset age
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
"Dutch-a-mans Who Spik Not Inglis >
From the Pittsburg Times

Energetic reporter of esteemed but
somewhat contentious contemporary to
the Roman citizen who keeps the fruit
stand in the shadow of the post-ofice-
who gave you authority to run stand
here on the sidewalk"
Italian, just over, smiling greasily-
"Epples? Tree f. cent-a."
Il say who told you you could keep
a stand here!"
AL" intelligently, "pananahs
Nicla piece-nice."
The reporter seemed to be angry
about something now and spoke in a
loud voice and as though his whole
heart was in his tongue: %
your 'pananasp Who gave you a per.
NIT to sell here?"
italian, fairly cackling with under.
standing: 40 y-a-a-s, aixcusia me
Yaas, dem peanuts"
And he seized the tin measure, with
three fingers in the inside, after the
thrifty fashion of his tribe, and made 6
dash at the COOLERS. But when he
turned to offer them to his customer the
inquisitor had gone on toward the
mayors Office, murmuring to himself il
large capitals. Caesar Fruiticus walked
cut to the curbstone and gazed wistfully
after him until he turned the corner
and then sat down on his stool mutter'
ing his disgust at "Dutch-a-mans who
Spik not Inglis."
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Girls Beware.
[From the Mobile Register.]
roun'r brow was clOuded

Browns brow was clouded.
"Some girl scrape?" queried his friend,
Bilkins.
well, to tell you the truth" replied
Brown, there's girl at the bottom OF
it. You see, ever since / made that
strike in Atchison, and-thank heaven
pulled out OF ii, I've been kinder
keeping my matrimonial weather eye
open, as it we're. I thought I'd found
her, but, withdrawing deep sigh
cts all over now"
"Tell me about it, old fellow" said
Bilkins, sympathetically.
"Well, you know I've been to New
port for the last four weeks. met her
there. She was bud-to look att
tell you, and was awfully gone on her.
Everything went smoothly until I found
out how much she knew"
"Ignorant?' qaeried Bilkins.
"No: Just the other way. [ happened
to hear her talk the other day to Prof.
Buzzer--it makes me shudder to think
of it It was all about esoteric Budd-
hism, planetary changes, and world peri
DDS! Think Of it! It let NE out, of
course. You could not expect such a
woman as that to take any interest in
housekeeping and--and babies; now,
could your
There is much truth in what you
say" replied Bilkins, thoughtfuliy, and
Brown looked relieved and lighted a
nj cor
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
How a Lady CAPTURED a Thief.

[From the ST. Louis Post Dispatch.J
Few women would have the nerve
and presence of mind ascribed to one
in an incident an account of which ap-
peared in a London paper. This lady
was taking an evening stroll on the
Thames embankment, when she was adj
dressed by a dandily- dressed young
man, who, addressing remark to her,
snatched her purse, watch and chain.
There was no officer near, but the lady
at once hailed hanson cab, and, or
dering the driver to keep the fellow in
sight, gave chase. After proceeding in
this way through innumerable streets
and lanes she sighted a policeman,
pounced on the thief and recovered her
DrODertv
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

"WHAT we learn with pleasure we never for
get."--Alfied MERCER. The following is case
In point: ST paid out hundreds of dollars
without receiving any benefit" says Mrs. Emily
Rhoads of McBrides, Mich. II had female
complaints, especially dragging down. for
Prescription did me more good than any
medicine I ever took. I advise every sick lady
to take it," And so do we. It never dissp.
points its patrons Druggists sell it.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Stranger than Fiction

are the records of some OF the cures of con-
sumption effected by that most wonderful
remedy-Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis
covery." Thousands Of grateful men and
women, who have been snatohed almost
from the very jaws of death, can TESTIFY tnat
consumption. in its early stages. is no longer in
curab}e The Discovery has no equal as
pectoral and Alternative, and the most obstinate
affections of the throat and lungs yield to It's
power. All druggists.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Color Yonr Rnttar

Farmers that try to sell white butter are al
Of the opinion that dairying does not pay. II
they would use Wells, Richardson & Co.'S. I'm.
proved Butter Color. and market their butter
IN perfect condition, they would still get good
prices, but it will not pay to make any but the
best in color and quality. This color is used
by all the leading creameries and dairymen
An1 is sold by druggists and merchants.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

LIFE had become burden to T.. s. Hill, of
East Montpelier w., but the new specific for
rheumatism and neuralgia made new man of
him. He writes: 81 had been suffering for
over six months, and had grown so bad as to
lose all use of my hands and arms. After TAX
lng few doses of your Athlophoros the pain
lett me gradually. and theswelling went away"
Price, $1 per bottle. IF your druggist hasn't
i, send to Athlophoros Co., 112 Wall Street,
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

SAN Francisco is very nun ane to-
ward the canine family; more so than it
is to the celestial John. Supervisors
whose duty it is to watch the dog
pound and release such tramp CANNES
as may be deemed worthy of life, are
appointed yearly and paid coed salaries.
The rule is to give every good looking
CIR a fair chance.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

INDIGESTION, dyspepsia, nervous prostration
and all forms of general debility relieved by
znklng MENsMAN's PEPToNIzED BEEF Tonic, the
only preparation of beef containing its entire
nutritious properties. 1t contains blood-mak-
ng, force-generating and DEMONSTRATING prop
critics; Is Invaluable in all enfeebled conditions,
whether the result of exhaustion, nervous pros
tratlon, overwork, or acute disease, particularly
II resulting from pulmonary complaints. Cas-
well, Hazard q Co., proprietors, New York.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Young Men-Read This.

THE VoLTAIc BELT Co., os Marshall, Mich,
offer to send their celebrate ELECTRo-VoLEAIC
BELT and other ELECIR C APPLIANCES On triai
for thirty days, to men (young or ODD ohiicted
with nervous debility, loss Of vitality and man
hood, and all kindred troubles. AI.o for rheu-
matism, neuralgia, paralysis, and many other
diseases. Complete restoration to health, vigor
and manhood guaranteed. No risk is incurred
as thirty days trial is allowed. Write them at
once for illustrated pamphlet free.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Better Than Diamonds,

and of greater value than fine gold is great
tonic and renovator like Kidney-Wort. 1t ex-
pels all poisonous humors from the blood, tones
up the system and by acting directly on the
most important organs of the body stimulates
them to healthy action and restores health.
It has effected many marvellous cures and for
all Kidney diseases and other kindred troubles
1t Is an invaluable remedy.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Junier Vice Commander.

Mr.. A. G. Afford, Junior Vice De-
partment Commander of Md. G.. A. r.,
Baltimore, Nd, writes: 81 have kept
st. Jacobs Oil by me and always found
it ready remedy for pains, aches and
bruises. When suffering terribly a
few weeks since with an liberated tooth,
| could not get any rest, and I applied
it. was instantly relieved, and my
suffering ceased from that time"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

A DAILY mail between New YorE and
London is near possibility. 1t is
stated that ex-PostnAaster General
James says it is practicable, and Post
master General Gresham favors it.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

The man who likes to please every
body will probably march boldly up te
the polls in November, and with blanc
smile vote for James Grover st. But
land.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

AN Indiana farmer keeps bells on sew
eral of the sheep of his flock, and,
though his neighbors have had sheep
killed by dogs, his flock has never been
troubled.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Pile TumOrs.

however large, speedily and painlessly cured
without knife, caustic or salve. Send six cents
in stamps for pamphlet, references and reply.
Worlds Dispensary Medical Association, 663
Main Street Buffalo N Y
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

gS-IN THE DIAMOND DYES more coloripg is
given than in any known Dyes, and they give
faster and more brilliant colors. Zoe. at all
druggists. Wells, Richardson & Co., Burlington,
Vt. Sample Card, 80 colors, and book of di-
rectons for &c. stamp.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

A NEW device for wedding breakfasts
is pyramid of transparent ice having
in the center a photograph of the bride
and bridegroom. This is suggestive of
GOODNESS as well as exclusiveness.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
CATAR = II r. !,

/ have been a lfay
Fever sufferer three yrs
have often heard Ely's
Cream Balm spoken of
in the highest terms, did
not take much stock in
it because of the many
quack medicines. A
friend persuaded me to
try the Balm, and with
the most wonderful sue.
Icess.-T. s. GEER, I yra'
cuse, N. Y.
Cream Balm is a
rem edy founded on a cor
rect diagnosis of this dis
e8se and can be depend
ed upon. SOC. at drug
title by mail 10c.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

RICHARD Ell. MEAD, of Illinois, has
been appointed, under the oivil-service
rules, to $1,000 clerkship in the pen
SION bureau at Washington.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

One greasing with Frazer Axle Grease will
last two weeks, all others two to three days.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Horsford's Acid Phosphate.
FOR WAKEFULNESS.

FOX WAKEFULNESS.
DR.. VIM. P. Clethier, Buffalo, N. z, saws:
81 prescribed it for Catholic priest, who was
hard student, for wakefulness, extreme
nervousness, etc. He reports great benefit
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

BED-BUas, flies, reaches, ants, rats, mice
cleared out by sRough on Rats" 15c.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

KING LUDWIG, of Bavaria, rises in
the night, has a black steed saddled,
and dashes off at whirlwind speed up
and down the hill roads--which are
well kept for that reason-like phan-
tom horseman pursued by some relent-
less decree of the supernatural powers.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

l RECOMMEND to those suffering with Hay
Fever. Ely's Cream Balm. I have tried nearly
all the remedies and give this decided prefer
ence. 1t gave me Immediate relef.-C. T.
STEPHENS, Hardware Merchant, ithaca, N. Y.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

WHY suffer longer from Catarrh, Hay Fever
and cold in the head? sure cure is Ely's
Cream Balm. It is not liquid or snuff, and is
easily applied. Fifty cents.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

STINGING, irritation, inflammation all kidney
and urinary complaints, cured by "Buchu-
Piaba" 81
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

NERVOUS Weakness, Dyspepsia, Sexual De-
bility, cured by ''Wells' Health REVIEWER" 81.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
WHAT CAN POETS DO?
BY o. w. HOLMES.

What poets do
With the thermometer at ninety-tWo?
Grandeur in shirt sleeves, Grace with no cravat,
Sublimity beneath palm-leaf hat?
Love with no dickeyl Beauty in a sweat
Truth at the pump, with hands and forehead wet.
Fame drinking sodaI Glory with FAM
Passion asleep upon cold divan;
And Faith and Hope in wrappers throwing dice,
To close the quarrel DER a chunk ofice
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

IF cough disturbs your sleep, one dose of
Piso's Cure will give you nights rest.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

THERE is more snow in the Sierras
than has been known at this time for
twenty Years.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

DRUGaIsTs in malarial districts say that
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound is as
much the standard remedy for female weak
nesses as quinine ia for the prevailing chills and
fever.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

Trough on Pain" Quick cure for CoI1c,
Cramps, Diarrhea, Aches, Paing, Sprains, Head
ache
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
HAY FEVER,

HEADACHE is Immediately relieved by the use
of Piso's Remedy for Catarrh
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10

TWIN servants of pain are those dreadful dis
eases, inf1ammatory rheumatism and neuralgia.
They are met in every walk and station of life,
and battle ordinary attempts to deal with them.
In Athlophoros is found the conquering agent.
1t attacks the seat of disease, which is in the
blood, and drives out the foreign substances
which have poisoned and infiamed it. Price,
81 per bottle. If your druggist hasn't it, send
to Athlophoros Co., 112 Wall Street, N. Y.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
A Remedy for Lung Diseases.

DIR. Robert Newton, late president Of the
Electric college, of the city of New York. and
formerly of Cincinnati, Ohio, used DR.. VIM.
Halls Balsam very extensively in his practice,
as many of his patients, now living and re-
stored to health py the use of this inva luable
medicine, can amply testify. He always said
that SO good a remedy ought not to be con-
sidered merely as patent medicine. but that
it ought to be prescribed freely by every physi-
clan as sovereign remedy in all cases OF lung
diseases. 1t cures consumption, and all pee
toral complaints
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
Cure Cholera
Vital Questions II

Vital Questions
Ask the most eminent of physicians
OF any school, what Is the best thing Ia kAg
world for quoting and sllaying an irrita&sa@
OF the nerves and curing all forms OF nervoas
complaints, giving natural, ohildllke refreshing
sleep always?
And they win tell you unheEtatingg
"Some form Of HopsP'
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
On. SMITHS GERMAN WORM REMEDY

GENTS WANTED for the Best and Fastests ell
n ing Pictorial Books and Bibles Prices reduced 50
per cent NATIONAL PUBLISHING 90. Chicago. Ill