Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-07-04

ed on playing lnc UuIiioo"c' Ou' hau
fondly counted on making more noise in the
house than he did.
Eighteen persons were poisoned by eating
ice cream in a Pennsylvania town, the other
day. Does this item fill up your hat, young
mani
A Pennsylvania man AYERS that he saw a
snake playing "Sweet Violets' on a piano.
striking the keys with his tail This is
about ibo worst case of delerium trcmen-
dous we ever heard OF.
1t is said that the first Mother Hubbard
dress was made by mistake. We believe it.
Nobody in their senses would have consent
ed to such a great waist-of material.
When the iantor came to sweep out the
vaqsar halls and dormitories, last week he
collected twenty-five bushels OF partially
masticated chewing gum. And yet they say
that Vassar girls are stingy.
"You behold the happy possessor of ST.
900 worth of bonds" said young man to
friend. "Iudeed !" was the surprised reply
-"what kind of bonds ?" Matrimonial, sir,
We are 10 be married next September"
The giraffe has tongue seventeen inches
long, and vet cannot begin to tell as much in
three minutes as woman with a little two
inch tongue wagging at both ends.
An exchange says that Cincinnati dairy
man was recently drowned. 1t is supposed
that the well sweep broke and he was car
ried down into the well with the bucket.
Anexchange says that persistent barking
of dogs in the night indicates a change OF
weather. 1t also frequently indicates a
change Of dogs.
"Dld YOU meet young Blank at the
picnicY" asked Burlington man OF his
daughter. Eyes sir" They say he's the
most dsagrceablc young man that ever came
here-always sticking his finger in some
body clscs pie. Didn't you notice it?'
''Why no; didn't see as he stuck his I'm
ger into anybody's pie-but he spollt Mrs.
Smiths pie" "Did he? thought so "
"But he didn't stick his fingers into it, pa
"Didntf" "No he-hc sat down in it,
| A dude is like a match because his heav-
lest end is the light one.-N. J. Jour
nal.
Mr.. Tilden is the electric girl of the De-
mocracy lie can make barrel roll further
than any other favorite. N. Y. Commercial
| Advertiser.
Biornstiorne Bjornsen has taken the ed;
torship of an Icelandic monthly to be pub
lished at Copenhagen. The name OF The
monthly is not announced, but it will prob
ably be Sicainidijnaiviia Mioiihily.-
Boston Gl0be.
PA" said Chicago small boy az be
observed a man coming up the street, who
seemed to wish the sidewalk was a little
wider, "is that a delegate?' ~ do moi
know, my son, answered the old gentleman
enc has the symptmos, at least. - CleCeldHo
Sun.
They were sitting on the sofa in the from
Iparlor and he was holding her little hand il
his own. Suddenly thought seemed t.
strike her aud she asked sweetly, "Adolphu!
are you a boiler 2" Just then the old gen
Itleman's footstep sounded on the top stair
and as he wildly grabbed his hat Adolphu
answered. eyes, darling good bye. '-BoS
ton Post.
A writer 10 Nature on the subject 0
"Uncousci0us Bias in Walking shows tina
in some cases it may be very marked. Espec
tally in returning home after
banquet, where there was feast O
reason and flow of one thing and another
But it is not called Unconscious bias il
walking" in this country. 1t is cale'
, "whooping it up with the boys. Norris
town HeraW.
Vassar College girls are not allowed TO re
ceive calls from men, but we believe there !
no objection made to women, children an,
, dudes. -PMla. CaN.
Woman has to wait until she is asked be
fore she can marry. She has n voice in th
9 matter until afte" the ceremony. Then sh
{ knows how TO make up for lost time. B0s
-, ton Transcript.
II beg your pardon, madam" SAID gen
tleman, lifting his hat politely to richl
+ dressed woman on the street, 'but your fac
, is strangely familiar to me. am sure tina
! | have met you before" "Yes, Misthe
r Jones, replied the richly dressed woman
p 'it's mesclt that knows We. Orm you
, ok."--Aen York Sun,
A fashionable Austin lady was very muc
shocked last Sunday at hearing the strains G
r All operate air that were waited from
=. neighborng beer saloon. THE police ougl
- to stop that profaue music on Sunday sh
remarked Indignantly. why, that's tn
I same air we heard this morning in church,
i remarked her husband Yes, but that's
different thing" whats the difference
"We had our best clothes on then. TIL,
r makes all the difference in the world."-
q 7e1as SJtagS.
e "My dear" said an over-heated citizen
- his wife At dinner to-day just after lie ha
= swallowed piece of meat whose temper
ture was at the boiling point. "my dear, III
food is so hot it will take the coat off m
II stomach" well, what do you want of
of coat on your stomach this weather" WI
}. the gentle response. The husband was
,. confused that he rushed out of doors al
, swallowed the days supply of ice, whit
the ice dealer had just left on the sidewal
I | V,,n Jy,UeS