Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-08-14
PITH AND POINT.

pay tuere ana the deuce to pay at home.
GEN. GRANT is said to be growing
very stout. He says he is feted to be-
come so.
WHEN do the teeth usurp the func-
TONS OF the tongue? When they are
chattering.
TAXING things as they come isn't so
very difficult. It's parting with them as
they go that's hard.
WHEN at home the Chinaman is a
Monaghan. When in the United States
he is Mustgolian.
DRINK, says an exchange, weakens the
system. Yes, but just think how it
strengthens the breath.
PATIENTS do more for the doctors than
doctors do for patients. The patients
enable the doctors TO live.
The Speaker of the House is generally
known as the chair, so called because
he is sat down on so often.
HE man who leaves dirty water
III the wash basin gets much shorter
pair OF wings than any other angel.
WHY will the postage-stamp never be-
come familiar with the alphabet? Be-
cause it always get stuck on letter.
THE word daughter is always
printed in the speech of Congressman
so the reader may know when to laugh.
THE UNSEEN HAND is the title of
a new book. Probably the other man
didn't have anything better than pair
OF trays, and didn't dare to call.
STATISTICS disclose the fact that. to
every ten children born in Wales. less
than seven ever reach their Goth year.
The others areworn out learning to speak
Welsh.
o YES, there is such thing as an ex-
hausted receiver; but this phrase does
not apply to receivers of defunct savings
banks or insurance companies. They
are generally well replenished.
"THE number of bones in man" we
are told, =" is 240. just after partaking
OF shad breakfast the number may be
increased to 800, if the man doesn't
choke to death on the fourth bone.
WHEN reprimanded by his employer
for absenting himself from the Office for
two entire days. Fogg very calmly re-
piled that he believed in the office seek
ing the man and not the man seeking
the Office.
AN Ohio man on his travels found n
shell on the Gettysburg battlefield. He
took it home and put it in the stove to
see If 1t was real. 1t was genuine. But
the stove Is the most glazing imitation
you ever looked at.
"MAMMA, is the old hen going to be
sent away for the summer ?" "No
Charlie; but why do you ask 2" "Well'
| heard papa tell the hired girl that they
would have fine time when he sent the
old hen away for the summer"
AFTER "beat" had got trust at eyery
saloon in town, the landlords of West
ern mining town held consultation and
concluded to shoot him. The following
words appeared over his last resting
place: death Loves Mining Shark. I"
CONCLUSIVE evidence The old lady
came down to her breakfast in bad
humor and, sharply addressing her son.
said: Charlie, did YOU leave that whis-
ky bottle on the parlor table ?" "No:
/ guess dad left it," "Why do YOU
guess your father left it?" "Causei it's
empty"
"PAP, said little 13-year-old bow.
on his first visit to the city, and as he
passed basket of oranges in front of a
grocery, store, "buy me one of them lit
tie punklns. NO, SAID pap, I've
got plenty at home that are larger and
better, but I'll buy us ginger cake as
soon as ] sell my aigs."
MUSICAL definition: A diminished
chord-the cord of wood as sold bv the
INSCRIPTIONS coal-dealer. A cross rela-
tion-the average mother-in-law. A de-
ceptive cadence-when the cats keep
quiet after you have thrown the boot
jack, only to resume again after you
have closed the window. Oblique msye-
ment-home from 81 the lodge"
SHE was "sorry she spoke y Young
farmer Surveying the stock "a
pretty tidy lot, Maria" Wife consider
ably the senior - "Aye, but they would
ia be there. maybe, wern'it no for my
brass = Husband (ncttled)- "Whoy.
lass, gin it be COON to that wi We? If it
had no been for your money, mayhap
ye wild ma been here yerseP p'-Pinch.
TIE Zuni Indians have a national
hymn, the first stanza of which reads:
Ma-a-we
Ma-a-we
Sho-tsi-lal-3n
tsi-'i-kws
Ts-kwan tap-te
thil-iatht-ta
Thlu-tchun-tap-te
thle-po-ne
Ma-a-we
Ma-a-we
Nothing more beautiful than this has
been written since the days when Walt
Whitman made leaping sunshine"
rhyme with refrigerator"