Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-04-03

IRbL CeutleL LOOK y BklpI6L
Q And left me hard aground.
e| There's no hopelet In my lifelet
!; I'm q sad, respondent man;
There's dalnlet In my mouLhlet,
From Be- ersheba to Dan.
And the whylet ofthe grienet,
. can tell you p. d. O.;
:. Twas the pallet Of the girllet
!. Who sought an Interview.
When the girllet reached her homelet,
The old man met us late,
Z And his f,Otlet In his bOotlet
Caught me hanging on tho gate,
AL
Il MIRTH AND MERRIMENT
An irritable tradegian WAS playing
= Macbeth, and rushed off to kill Dun.
! can, when there was no blood for the
Thane to steep his hands in. "The
blood, the blood |" exclaimed he to the
agitated property man, who had forgot
ten 1t. The actor, however, not to dis
APPOINT tie audience, clincheJ his fist,
and, striking the property man u terri.
BILE blow upon the nose, coolly washed
his hands in the stream that burst
from 1t, and rp.entered with the usual
words, 81 have done the deed-didst
thou not hear noise.
"Why, Harry" exclaimed a lady to
a small boy who was crying on the
street, "w hairs the matter" "Moth-
er whipped me-" groaned the boy.
What for 2" cause fell in the river
and got wet" "Weli, don't you think
you deserved it?" mo, ! don't.
came purity near gettin drowned,
and II ! had, then wouldn't she a
cried her eyes out and just because 1
didn't. an come home q little wet,
she gives me whippin'. Next time
| III drown, and teach her how TO treat
a TELLER boob Oo!"
A lady had in her employ an excel.
lent girl who had one fault-her face
was always grimy. Mrs. X, wishing
to tell her to wash her face without Of
Tending her, at last resorted to strategy.
"Do you know, Bridget" she remarked,
in a confidential manner, that II you
wash your face every day in hot
soap and water, it will make you
beautiful" "Will it?" answer the
willy Bridget. "Sure it's a wonder ye
never tried it, ma'am p
She was willing to wait for tho la
test news" Mrs Brown sent me to in
quire how Mr. Smith Is doing to-day"
said the servant-girl, az she met Mrs. s.
in the hall Of the Smith residence, on
Austin avenue. " He is much worse"
answered Mrs. Smith, with deep
sigh. "The doctor says We must now
only wait for the end" All me Then,
mebbe might as we'll sit down and
wait for it, 30 can take it to Mrs. |
Brown" said the girl.
The other evening, after Volunteer
dinner, a major went up to one Of the
speakers and expressed the pleasure he
had derived from hearing his remarks.
The poor fellow fell into the trap, and
the major quietly continued: 81 was
glad you gave us that speech, for, when
made 1t myself more than a year ago,
felt uncertain whether it was good or
bad. Now I've heard you give it, it
seems rather clever, and I'm really
much obliged to you"
A small boy called it looking
glass;" when his father said: 1T isn't
looking. glass, it liz mirror. ;" Why,
don't you have 10 look in it if you want
to see YOURSELF" asked the boy. Yes"
" Well, then, 1t must be look-in
glass" Wife," said the old man,
" I'm afraid that boy is shaping for a
ora lunny newspaper para
grapher. We'd better put him to somel
trade soon, If we want to save him."
"Come here, my little Eddy" said a
gentleman to n yOungster Of seven
yeras of age, while sitting in the parlor,
where large company were assem- bled,
!" do you know me-? Yes, sir,
think ! do" Who am l, then? Let I
me- hear" You are the man who
kissed Angelina last night, in the par
or" Angelina tainted.
A crusty old curmudgeon who was
angling over something in his news
paper. being reproached by his wife for
lot reading it aloud. 10 that she could
'hare the enjoyment, testify said, ooh,
Judge, my dear! A thing that's funny
enough to make one laugh would be
lreadfully stupid if divided between
wO."
A wealthy gentleman, who owns
seat, nearly lost his wife, who
ell int the river which flows through
lis estate. He announced the narrow d
scape to his friends, expecting their s
ratulati0ns. One of them-an old
az follows always [
old you that river was too shallow"
Enthusiastic professor of.'physics, dis '
ussing the organic and inorganic king C
oms: "Now, if l should shut my I
yes-so-and drop my head-so-and l
hOuld not move, you would say l was I
clod But move, leap, run then y
that do you call me ?" Voice from the s.
ear I" A clod-hopper," |,
"In my time, MISS" said a stern t
unit, "the men looked at the women's q
aces instead of their ankles - " All,
ut, my dear aunt" retorted the pretty u
Dung lady, "you Sec that the world n
as improved, and is more civilized v
han 1t used to bet looks now more to s.
he understanding"
A little girl of seven exhibited much -
isquiet at hearing Of a new exploring y
expedition. When asked why she
h0uld care about 1t, she said : "Ifl y
hey discover any more countries, they ~
ill add to the geography ! have to ~
tudy. There are countries enough in '
now" :.
When lady living in Chelsea sent +
, Boston Tor q doctor, she apologized %
,r asking him to come such distance.
Don't speak of il" answered the NJ. p
}. happen to have another patient n
the neighborhood, and can thus kill L
V0 birds with one stone" la
Country doctor 60 Tomkins) Il n
Now, with regard to that cut on the +
ID of your head. don't think it will A
. serious, but You must keep your eye q
pom it," And Tomkins, who had just Z
10 slightest suspicion of a squint, goes r.
way and disrecommends that doctor. ~
An old German merchant in the city u
AS informed that lady had called to 81
70 him in his absence. " A lady, he. ~
used aloud" a lady !" Upon an ac- O.
lrate description being given, he sud g
,nly frightened up and added, "Oh, L
l,I yifn -