Connecticut western news., 1884-04-02
WIT AND WISDOM.

PEOPLE seldom improve whom they have no other model but themselves to copy after.
 h LAD who started for Texas to become a cowboy returned in three weeks a per- fectly cowed boy.
 Our in some of the Western States they make brandy out of plums. Now you know what plum full means.
 A PursBuRa type setter is Co run a foot.race of 100 yards. A copy-book with eight fat takes will be placed at the end of the track.
 A BOOK publisher announces: "In press A Pretty Girl" She is often in that pleasant prodicament- and the work is to be continued next week.
 TIE man who threatens tho world ia always ridiculous; for the world can easily go on without him, and, in a short time, will cease to miss him.
 "On, yes," said the art critic, "t'll fix Bangit. m go and criticiso his pic. ture of COW as glorious painting of ruined mill !"
 THE young women of Groton, Mass., have resolved to girlcott my young man that smokes or goes out of tho theatre between the acts
 A TELKaRAPH messenger boy in Chi cago has been sent to an insane asylum. Several times when on an errand he has been seen to run.
 TIE most egotistioal of tho United states-"Me." The most religious "AIass." Tho poorest in healLh-''tll." The most affected-"La."
 "A YOUNG wife's greatest trial, is probably to find out whether it would be proper to starch her husband's shirt all over, or only the bosom and cuffs.
 NEVER hold any one by the button, or 1 tho hand, in order to be heard out; for if people are unwilling to hear you, you had better hold your tongue than them.
 A FARoo young lady named Rouse . Caught glimpse of poorlitt mouse,
 And the scream that shc seromo Shattered heavens blue dome, And bulgod out the walls of lhe houeei
 WHEN man and his wife engaged in debate, the other night, aud the dog got up and scratched to be let out of the room, they concluded it was time to stop the discussion.
 "HERE's your roast beef, sab, said the waiter; 'I served it some time ago. !" "oh, indeed2 roast beef? Why, SO you did. thought all the time it was crack in the plate"
 BISMARCK was advised by his physi- clan to take iron for his blood, but he did not follow the advice. He was afraid that it might be made of American pig ron.-Phiiadolphia Call.
 AQUAKER's advice Go his son on his wedding day: "when thoo went a. counting told thee to keep thy eyes wide open. Now that thee art married I tell thee to keep them half shut"
 Iris hard to believe that tho hairs of our head are numbered, but we can all roadily believe it about the hairs of the mustaches of some young men. They are so few that they can be counted at a glance.
 A FAMILY of Swedes in Chicago tried to use a railroad torpedo for fuel Some people have criticised their judgment iu so doing, but there is no denying that the torpedo burned freely and made hot fire. e.-Boston Posi-
 TIE Philadelphia Cdu thinks baby without head is the kind of one Co have in the house. That paragrapher has no babies, or he'd know that such thing is an impossibility. The baby gets ahead of everybody in the family.
 GIVE not thy tongue too great liberty, lest it takes thee prisoner. A word un- spoken is, like the sword in the scab- bard, thine. If vented, thy sword is in anothor's hand. Ifthou desire to be held wise, be so wise as to hold thy tongue.
 TIE key to every man is his thought Sturdy and defying though he look, he has helm which he obeys which is the idea after which all his facts are classi- fled. He can only be reformed by show ing him a new idea which eommends his own.
 A MINNESOTA paper has dedicated itself to abolition of poverty, ignorance, wickedness, unchastity, drunkenness, inc justice, perversion of law, oppression and all evil" Success to you, brother. The work is light, and it will not tako you long.
 "Wmb there be a hop to.nightp" asked summer soieurner of another who had loved the stock market "not wisely. but too we'll" "I don't know about the hop, but there will be a skip if can get my trunk out" was the reply.
 "WHo is that man applaudmg 80 vo. ciferously near the front2" asked n friend of theatrical manager on the first pro- duction of play in an uptown theatre "That long-haired man with light colored coat ?" "Yes." "He-he's the author of tho play.
 DRUGGISTS aro "cutting rates" it is said, and the prices of patont medicines are dropping like thermometors inspiring time Three cents worth of mixture in a ten-cent bottle can no longer be sold for dollar and half The price now is n dollar and a quarter.
 A MEDITERRANEAN said to her son-in- law: "So, Monsieur, you were at theball last evening, and it has not been month since you lost your wife ?" "rhat's true, mamma" answered the culprit with n contrite air, "but I beg to romind you that danced very sadly 1"