Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-07-02
PLEASANTRIES.

QUICK reply, Il Ike req nalr' = ool0oJ
City Journal.
AN enquirer asks: "What can [ have
for teal" If you will come to our board
ing house you can have piece of cold
meat and a couple of measly radishes.-
Philadelphia Call.
ANOTHER curiosity has been discov-
cred in Wood Haven, n. Y. 1t is
woman % years old, who claimed to be
10 years older. Her husband has sued
for DIVORCE Christian Observer.
GENTLEMEN of the jury" said 4
Tecumseh (Neb.) lawyer, last week,
"there were ust thirty-six hogs in the
drove. Please remember the fact-lust
three times as many as in the jury box,
gentlemen"
"Is snoring bad for the health? ?" asks
correspondent. That depends largely
upon the size and temper of the parties
disturbed by it. There are cases on
record where it has produced serious
contusions.-[C Cleveland Leader.
"MY daughter, you ought to have
some aim in life" said Burlington Ia
ther to his thoughtless sixteen year-old.
ooh, I am going to, papaP was the en-
thusiastic reply. "I have got my beau
already! Burlington Free Press.
A GOOD brother down East, who was
eloquent in social meetings, but whose
education was rather limited, desired
the Lord to Shower down on the wait
ing congregation the lie of Patmos,"
supposing, no doubt, that lie" was some
unctuous fluid which would have good
effect upon moral diseases.
Gan English medical journal has cal
culated that people live an average OF a
year and half longer this century than
they did last" Our life this century is
more than year and half longer than
it was last. But of course you can't
strike an average of this kind from only
one life Philadelphia Call.
The organ of the bachelors is worried
to find out why woman will spend six
weeks putting scallops on her dress that
nobody but herself will ever get a
glimpse of, and then run about the
neighborhood in an old dirty wrapper
without any belt and every other button
burst off, Fremont (Neb.) Herald.
A MISSISSIPPI man who writes for a
runaway wife describes her as having
high cheek bones, upper front teeth
out, crippled in one foot, cross-eyed,
and quick spoken" One cannot help
wondering why the husband didn't run
away instead of the wife. He certainly
had provocation enough Norristown
Herald
A NoRRIsTowN mother is making a
move to have fire bell tap every morn
o,a
She says that when she calls her four
teen-year-old boy it takes him more
than half an hour to dress, but when
he hears fire bell tap, he's out of bed
and dressed in about three minutes
Norristown Herald.
SOME years ago a preacher was on
his rounds in one of the Georgia coun-
ties below here and at the conclusion
of his sermon he called on Brother
Smith" to lead in prayer. Imagine the
surprise of the man CT God when fifteen
men-all Smiths-fell on their knees
and commenced praying. - Hawkins
vile News.
"LIzE, why didn't yer let Bill Thomp.
night?" "Kase, Moll. he done gone an
showed hisse'f a coward, that's why
"An' how did he do dat, Lize?'
"Why, he had two razors in his peck
cts, and says dat emmy fellow whut
carries more'n one razor to a ball wild
him am coward, and amt no gentle
man, does. . Kentucky State Journal
ACCORDING to the laws of Wyoming,
there shall be no discrimination made
in that territory with regard to sex in
the pay of any kind of work. This is as
it should be. When man makes shirJs
by the dozen, he should have as much
for his work as women are paid for the
same kind Of labor; and for shoeing g
horse a woman should be paid the same
wages a man receives N0rristown
Herald.
'IsN'T that smell of broiled steak de-
hcious?" said Dumley to another
boarder as ne entered the breakfast
room. "I feel just in the mood for 6
nice cut of steak this morning" eyes
indeed replied the boarder from be-
hind greasy-looking piece of fried ba
con, ''tl e smell is delicious. It is waited
in through the open window from the
adjoining house Philadelphia Call.
Il STORY Is 6Olu 81 SorGd1u DulAO u
X. and his valet. The latter, it seems
was always getting into scrapes, from
which he emerged with considerable
success. No matter how tipsy he got
he was always brought home safely, arc
never consigned to a dungeon cell
Upon being asked the reason of this
singular good luck, he explained tha
he always kept lot of the Dukes cards
in his pocket Exchange.
THERE, Spriggins," said Mrs. S. tt
the light of her life, "read that!" point
ing to the following paragraph il
the Tribune: "a crematory vii
undoubtedly be built very short
ly within a few miles of Phila
delphia. There is new organiza
ton for the purpose, which includes
number of prominent citizens, an6
there will be a regular stock company.
"If some of you magnets would star
one of them things right here, we'd gel
more milk and less water!'~
Mrs. GALLIFLoWER-"I was very