Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-06-19
PITH AND POINT.

THE mosquitoes anger is an appropri-
alton bill.
A MIsER is often surprised at close
quarters.
WHEN does tree feel contented?
When it's sappy.
IT is not right to make game of a
man out of season.
The reason why woman always adds
postscript to her letter is because
she's bound 70 have the last word, if
she has to write it herself.
SAID the Colorado man: "No; we
never committee suicide by hanging in
our State. A man doesn't want to be
suspected of being lynched."
Two marriage certificates, confront
ing man at the same time, are as de-
moralizing in their tendencies as a
mortgage coming due Carl PretsePs
Weekly.
A TEXAS man will go four or five
miles to get drink. A Vermont man
won't He'll just hang around the gin
mill all the time, and never allow him
self to get four or five miles from it.
Only an acre OF leather,
Laced wi furlong of Irvine,
Shutting over a CROSSING
Bearing a figure divine.
One after the other they re lifted
And fall with horrible thud-
The feet OF Syracuse damsel
Splashing along through the mud.
Utica Observer
us YOUR wife acquainted with the
dead languages ?" asked the professor
of Newman man Maybe she is,
was the reply, "but the language she
uses is entirely too warm to have been
dead very long.-NeUman Iaadepe1ed-
ent.
FARMER-I don't know what to do
with that old pillow. Citizen-Real old
farmer-Yes; in fact it's too old for
any more use. Citizen-Sell it to the
first minstrel show that comes along.
They always use old things Break
fast Table.
SO You've got piano, Mrs. Bitten"
said one lady to another. "Yes, we've
had it for three months" How did
you get q" Got it from aman down
town" did you take it for debt, like
we did?" ooh, no; but Bitten says it
will be taken for debt, if he doesn't pay
the second installment pretty soon."-
Merchant TraUeler.
BEEcHER says four-fifths of the peo-
pie in heaven will be women. That is
all right enough. Nobody ought to
kick about that. Four-fifths of the
women are better than men, anyway,
and they ought to go to heaven But
according to that story, what stag
party there is going to be standing
around the fire in the other place
Peck'S San.
"OH, the road is smooth enough"
said the placid conductor to the COM
planning passenger "There isn't a
| smoother road-bed in the United States
It's the cars that jolt. Company took
the springs out last week, to oil them,
and didn't get them back in time for
this trip" And the complaining pas
senger grumbled no more, for he felt
that he was in the presence of the Star
Liar.-Ha,okeye
FROM Pat in America to his sweet
heart in Ireland:
20, Bridget, dear,
BE coming here,
Right to the arms of Pat;
Don't stay away
Another day
Re alter minding that"
To which Bridget replies:
20, Pat, my lad
Now don { feel bad
I've married Barney Rue;
And we've boy,
To give you joy,
I've named the child for you
THE BLoKE, TO HIS CHUMMY
Hey, Jimmiel y wild me?
I'm on lay to stag fake,
Plank your Doodle, It's graft,
An Use sure to give yer rake"
Yes, Jerry lad, I'm wild We,
Bet jer life, troo tick an tin:
Yves te-a-ker blokees we is,
An our lush bees always gin
Yves been pals for many years, Jim,
Since der time did a six:
Dey nabbed us in der crib Jim,
| D'beaks nailed us at our tricks
I'VE didn't stay fur long, Jim,
It's hard to hold dis crook;
/ knows ven keep EN- to yerself,
Der means by which snOok.
"Dey ony yanked once, Jim,
Since den ives both got fly,
An dey never more will scoopus,
| Cause docs tings der sly.
Each might. down to der honzin ken,
Well meet at nine, oil jim,
| An no matter wat de game may be
Our lush will still be gin.
| Nm. d., Jr., iB The Judge.