The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1884-04-12
MARX TwAINs APRIL FOOL.
A Deluge of Letters Asking for Autographs
What Mr.. Twain Says About It,

Hartford Comm Letter in New York Sun.
1T is reported that you have received an I'M
usual number of applications for your autograph
within the last few days" said a Sun representa-
tive to Samuel L. Clemens, at his Pennington
avenue home this morning. rs it soy
Yes" said Mr.. Clemens. "They began to
come on Tuesday morning, and they have been
coming ever since. On Tuesday, at breakfast, 1
found pile of them by my plate as high as a
silk hat, There We're seventy in that pile"
How many have come altogetherl" asked the
interviewer.
Il have not counted Them but should say
somewhere in the neighborhood of $50"
What do you suppose has caused this extra
ordinary call! What do you attribute it to-"
"Of course at firstI attributed it to the spots
on the sun, not that can see any plausible con
nection between such a. thing and the spots on
the sun, but merely because it has become the
public habit in our day to lay everything to the
spots on the sun which one can't otherwise ae-
count for. But since then, upon rejecting l
have come to imagine its cause to lie nearer
home. If you will examine some of these letters
you will what l mean. These people are
moved mainly by an affectionate impulse; but
underneath it you can detect selfish motive.
These applicants consist almost wholly of
thors actors and cergymen. They are before
the public in their several capacities, and noto-
rlety is bread and meat TO them They want any
autograph-that is evident, and it is also pleas
ant and compllmentary-bu | Judge that the
thing which they are mainly after is to got some
sort of moral Endorsement out of me which
they can use as an advertisement. Take Sted-
mans letter for instance
WEST THIRTIETH STREET. New YORK I
Mr.. Samuel L. Clemens, Author
Dear Sir-Desirous 10 add to my collection of the
autographs of distinguished men, shall deem it in
complete without the signature of any favorte Amer
lean authou. Although you doubtless have many
quests of the kind, rely upon your well known kind
ness, and venture to ask you for it. Please give
in your handwriting sentiment, few pages from
"Roughing It." or The Prince Abroad, or 1.-The In
nocents and Pauper" with your signature attached
i. e.. your signatures, both kinds" By so doing
you VIII confer favor upon your humble but sincere
admirer EDMUND c. STEDIIAN.
DO you notice what amount of schoolgirl
rapture and etfusiveness there is in thatl Do
you notice the nervous unrest and anxiety be-
traye9 by the frequent ltalicsl If Stedman were
not so manifestly in deep and pathetic earnest
you would think he was trying to initiate the
sort of application which one is always receiving
from the female seminaries. And how admira-
bly, exact is this unconscious imitation. But,
read between the lines, YOU detect that Stedman
has an ak to grind. l cannot divine what it is,
of course, but week or'two hence he will write
again, and then | shall know When a man has
q covert. uncanny purpose in his heart how Ger
tain he is TO betray it by the very methods he
takes to conceal it. In trying to be compliment
airy he is sure to founder into fattery, and
thence into other forms of inaceuracy. For in
stance: l am not Stedman's favorite author )
He is infatuated TO insanity with Farquhar Tup-
per My kindness is not well known it has
always been kept private even from my family.
When u man would say the gracious thing he
ought always to be sure of his facts.
Nov tod wit, 10
Innocents and the Pauper, has mixed together
two entirely separate and distinct books, and
thus has exposed the fact that he has never seen
either of them. Thus in overtrying to compli-
ment me, he has inflicted upon the most sensi-
tive spot in my nature ranking and incurable
humiliation. Now do you think / will grind his
AK when it comesF
DO you observe anything peculiar about
these letters, Mr. Clemensl Do they differ in
any noticeable way from the ordinary auto
graph applications9H
lin one respect they are just like those which
are usually received; that is, they are couched
in the same jeiune and suited language, they
are framed in the same worn-out forms, they
show the same incredible Ignorance as to what l
have written, and the same inability to spell my
name correctly. and yet there is popularity
about these letters which | have not noticed in
the customary ones, aud that is that none of
these people have incosed a stamp, except in
couple of instances, and even these two were
valueless, for one was a revenue stamp and the
used SO many times that L probably may not be
aha 10 make it go any more
Have you answered those applicationsln
NO. it is impossible to do it now, because this
is my busy season. 1t will take me five or six
weeks to answer them, and so shall not begin
the task until the summer vacation" =
why will it take so lengF
Because | shall have to reflect upon nv an
swers, and frame them in such way to graf
ify these friends, and yet be 50 iUdiciously
worded that they cannot be used as moral en-
dorsement by them.
Who are some of these people, and do they
ask for anything more than your autograph"
do they ask for ANYTHING more than the asl-
tographl L should think SOL Take: this letter
from Colonel John Hay, for instance. He has
the arctic GOODNESS TO ask me to copy off few
hundred lines of 'Youngs Night Thoughts and
POlloekS Course of Time for hiIn--yvants this
cargo of mush for his boy; takes me for type
writer, / suppose. To me this is a most surpris-
ing thing, coming from a man like John Hay.
He ought to know better than to put such Job
as that on person who is as busy as ! anu. He
asks me to take leisure hour for this bust
ness. A leisure hour is nonsense; it is
going to take me all, of a week to copy
off that dismal rot. If / had nothing
to do shouldn't mind it; but I'm bread win
ner myself Now, Henry Irving requires moth
ing but signature, and that is all right. He
says it is matter of life and DEATH with himte
get it, and that is very pleasant, and is neatly
said, and bears the impress of candor and truth
ue dppiAcbbiohS AIOtiI MISS lbll0h ISrIys MI
poeon Sarony, and Miss Clara Louise Kellogg
and aer mother require the signature only, and
this is also the with Nine Modieskas appH-
cation. At least this is the case with Nodes
kas as far as | can read it, but part of it is writ
ten in the Polish language and | cannot read
that being rusty in my Polish now. Mr.. Boye-
sen writes me pleasant and urgent letter, but,
as he has left a whole lot of the is out of his
name, it is of use to me to file away as an au-
tograph. He says he is collecting the autographs
of all the great criminals remark which do
not understand because it does not seem to
have any relevancy. All those Madison Square
Theater people want the signature; and they
stop there, with the exception of the man
ager He wishes to take the signature aud
dramatic it'-which is pure and simple non
sense, because you can't dranatize a
signatures and on its face the thing isimpossible
Bunner and Joe Howard are perfectly reasena-