The Press., 1884-10-30
SENSIBLE ADVICE TO A LOVER.


 with his girl, and during the evening, while the family was present in the par Tor, he was as demure and bland and child like as could be wished. The mother came into the room after the family had retired to get handkerchief she had left, and the young man was seated in chair ln the middle of the room, while the girl was seated on 8 sofa, and nothing that the mother could see in the actions of either led her to think they were more than pass ing acquaintances. It seemed to her as though the young people had met before, but there was no evidence that they were very we'll acquainted All night, after he had gone, the girl complained of pain in her side, and in the morning doctor was called, and he found that two of the girls ribs were broken. How it was done mo- body knew. The girl could not tell for the life of her, though she blushed when asked about it, and the mother looked very wise as she looked at the doctor. The doctor made some inquiries, set the ribs and went away, and the girl proceeded to recover.
 That evening the young man called and was astonished when informed of the ex- tent of the young girls injuries, and won- dered how it could have happened, though
 
 spoke, and detected not only blush but a profuse precipitation on his face. She had been girl once herself, and though she had never had any ribs broken, she had been hugged some. It was trying posi- tion for all of them. The father was away on trip to Wisconsin, and when he came home the matter had to be explained to him. He was told that the ribs just sim ply broke themselves, and that neither the mother nor the girl nor the young man could account for it, and yet all three of them blushed terribly. The father patted his girl on the head, told her she would be better when she got over it, and then call ed the young man into7the library. The young man was so weak he could hardly walk, and when he sat down he took out a handkerchief and mopped his brow and wished he was dead. The father looked the young man over and was sorry. He finally said:
 "Young man, guess I can give you some points on huggiag. You must first learn that a girl is not constructed on the same principle of an iron post or 8 truss bridge. A girl is delicate piece of me- chan1sm like fine watch, full of little springs, wheels, jewels, etc. The break | ing of any of these would cause her to cease keeping time and necessitate her be- ing taken to jeweler for repairs. In hug ging girl you don't want to go at 1t as if you were raking and binding or catching 8 sturgeon.
 "I know that where the family sits up late with young couple and spells sever al hours of hugging, that unless the young man has good head when left alone with the object of his affection, that he is liable to overdo the matter and make up for lost time. He seems to want to hug up lot ahead, and grabs the girl as though he wanted to break her in two. That is wrong. You should go at it calmly and deliberately, even prayerfully, and be as gentle as though she were an ivory fan. The gentle pressure of the hand that a girl loves, even the touch, is as dear to her as though you run her through a stone crusher. You should not grab her as you would bag of oats, and leave marks on her that will last 8 lifetime.
 "A loving woman should not be made to feel that her life is in danger unless she wears corset made of boiler iron. 1 hope this will be lesson to you, and here after, If you cannot control your feelings, l will provide a wooden Indian for you to practice on at first, until you have devel- oped your muscles and got tired, and then we can turn our daughter loose ill room with you and not fe' that it is necessary to keep Q surgeon handy. In allowing you to keep company with my daughter I do not agree to provide you with human gymnasium, dressed in a Mother Hubbard wrapper and wearing bangs. You can readily see that girl would not last sea- son through if she had to have ribs set once a week. Please think this thing over, and if the girl is well enough next Sunday you can drop it and try some more rack for an hour or two, and have it re- paired in the morning." n
 The young man went cut into the night air, took his hat off to cool his head and hired man to kick him.