The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1884-04-09
The Lime.KiIn Club.

u" Will now remark to dis club, said
Brother Gardner, as he opened the meet
ing, "dat de Hon. Jawback johnson of
Opelika has arrove heah fur de purpose
of entertainin' an instructin' us on yar'us
points. He reached Detroit two days ago
on de roof of freight car, an in a some
what carniverous condition, an as he
knocked on de doah of my cabin at mid
night looked frew de winder and put on
par O. brass knuckles afore dared step
out an ak his name an bisness. /. has
filled him up wild meat an later, lent him
a clean shirt dat buttons behind an a suit
of cloze, an would furder remark dat he
pears to be pusson of transparent intel
ligence an respondent polish. Let us
listen to him wild anxus interest an care
less observashun."
BROUGHT IN.
The committee on reception then donned
their white gloves and claw.hammer coats
and disappeared in search of the stranger.
They found him shfvering with stage
fright in the ante-room, and it was only
after Mr.. Jones had threatened to loosen
the top of his head that he consented to
enter the hall. Once in he braced up,
however, and after reaching the platform
and swallowing three peppermint drops
and glass of water, he seemed to recover
all his native confidence and to forget
that one end of his collar was loose and
saving away at his chin.
ABOUT INDUSTRY.
The orator glared straight at Elder
Toots for minute and then said In.
dustry am de key to success, while idle
ness am de straight road to de poo'-house.
De difference between lazy man an
loafer am so small dat nobody stops to
argy over it. De man who sets down on
dry goods box to wait fur better times
will nebber have gravestun reared above
de place whar' he am buried. Laziness
waits fur de frost to git out of de ground.
Industry digs down frew it. Laziness
hopes it won't rain. Industry goes to
work an puts new shingles on de roof.
Laziness drinks from mud puddle. In
dustry turns de windlass an brings up
pure water from de deep we'll. If dar am
loafer widin sound of my voice, an /
presume dar am dozens of 'em, nv ad-
vice to him is to make change Let
him resolve from dis night on to be a
different man."
LET WELL ENOUGH ALONE.
The faces of half hundred members
were by this time expressing surprise and
indignation, but the speaker calmly con.
tinued AS race, we am too restless
an Uneasy. When we am doin' we'll we
sigh to do better. If we have later au'
ham fur breakfast we argy that we orter
| oh t,ia f,,r 49, a.,
oysters fur supper. If we happen to fad
ourselves possessed of mo- money dan am
wanted fur rent, purvishuns an fuel for
de week, we can't rest till we price fo'ty
dollar suit of close, or boss dat kin trot
in 240. We mus settle down as if we
had cum to stay, an meant to lib always
When we git job at dollar day we
mustn't let go of 1t to hunt fur one at ten
shillings. One reason why it takes so
long to catch rabbit is bekase we have
to hunt all over fur him, and bekase he
keeps hoppin' about. Chose your brush
heap, an let it be known dat you kin
alters be found under it. In conclusion
| thank you with consummate airnestness
fur de skillful manner in which you have
evaded your attenshun to my cumber
some remarks, an l hope dat de seed
thus sown On stony ground may sprout
up an yield seventy-five bushels to de
acre."
THE CLOSE.
When the speaker had been escorted
from the hall, Brother Gardner said
ode man who dares pint out our fault,
am friend, an let us receive his crit
,isins as such. If l should diskiver dat
any of you war lynn in wait in de ALLEY
to slug de Hon. Jawback johnson as &
reward of merit, it am VERY probable da
de orator wouldn't be de only man hnrf