News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-04-17
THE REASON OF IT.

ptlb stLI0 uaIQ6S III i!
Mamma-'sBecause most people can't
pra. oance the names without making
themselves ridiculous, and they there
fore order just as little as possible"
HE WENT IN.
They were standing at the front gate.
"Won't you come in the parlor and
sit little while, George, dear?'
"N-no, I guess not" replied George,
hesitatingly.
! ST wish you would" the girl went on.
ss'It's awfuIly Lonesome. Mother has
gone out and father is upstairs groaning
with rheumatism in beth legs"
"Both legs ?" asked George.
eyes, both legs.
'sThen I'll come il little while. -
Even6,1g CaII.
THE TROUBLE.
sThen you love me truly, Elvira?"
"Yes, yes, my darling; truly, most
truly.
''And in spite of my poverty?"
"What matters mere wealth, when
compared to the bliss of your noble
love ?"
''Thanks, thanks, my beloved, you
have rendered me unspeakably happy" "
81 would rather be your wife and live
in cottage than dwell in the palace of
prince r.
"Bless you, bless you, my own
but -"
"But what ?"
"But haven't the cottage l''-Phil-
adel20IiG Call.
A WIFE NOT A BRIDE.
Caller-"I am SO glad, my dear, to
see you looking so well and happy.
Your wedding tour was not of long dur
alton, I notice. Very sensible: very
sensible.
Bride-''My husband was perfectly
willing to prolong the tour, but I knew
that his presence was required at his
place of business"
Caller-''Very few brides are con-
S1uerdIo as GIldG.
Bride-"Oh but I ceased to be a
bride very early. In less than week
became wife,"
Caller-''I do not understand"
Bride-"We had not been married 8
week before he asked me to sew on
button"
RATHER REMARKABLE.
s'Do you see that man over by the
postoffice corner lounging so carelessly ?"
asked Jones of friend the other day as
he was exhibiting the sights of the dingy
metropolis.
'Oh, yes, Isee him, of course, replied
his companion. "I don't see anything
remarkable about him.
"Why, he's politician, you know;
runs the machine; is in all the big jobs;
makes I don't know how much money,
and just now Why, look at him |!
Do you notice nothing remarkable ?"
"Can't say do"
"Why, he's got his hands in his own
pockets Pittsburgh Chronicle.
THE WHIPPING POST.
'My DEAR" said Mr.. Topnoody to his
wife, as he looked up from his paper, 81
see here that Henry Bergh is in favor of
the whipping post for husbands who
beat their wives. Idon't think, though,
YOU would like to see me led to the
whipping post"
"No, Topnoody, ]. would not. 1t
might not be so severe on me to have
you suffer to some extent, but wouldn't
want to see you killed"
"KilIed, my dear? it doesn't kill a
man to whip him at the post.
"No, Topnoody, not under ordinary
circumstances; but if you had to go to
the whipping post after l had got
through with you in case you attempted
to beat me, feel more than confident it
would be larger dose than your consti-
tuition could stand, and I would be left
widow; and I don't want to be left
widow until otter spring cleaning and
early gardening are DONE" Topnoody
returned to his reading.
Traveller.
MATRIMONIAL PEACE OF MIND.
"Are you as happy now as you were
before you married ?" asked Mrs. Yeast
of young Mrs. Crimsonbeak.
eyes, indeed" replied the lady; "and
a great deal happier
"That's strange" suggested the phil
anthropist's wife.
"Not at all strange" came from the
young married woman. '"You see, be-
fore was married I used to spend half
my time worrying about what dress l
should wear when Daniel called"
"But don't you try just as hard now
to look well when your husband returns
home at night ?" interrupted Mrs. Yeast.
swell, you see," went on the bride of
two summers, 81 don't worry any about
it now, as I have only one dress to my
uame. - Yo'akers Gazette.
SHE WANTED A sPUNKY SWEETHEART.
They were lovers, and the other even
ing they were talking of the privileges
leapI year is supposed to give the girl.
While he was talking there was a de-
termined look upon her face, and when
he had finished she resolutely exclaimed:
"Well, I think the young man who
forces young lady to propose hasn't
spunk enough to kill a mosquito"
If he hadn't popped after that she
would have hated him for life, but as
they are now engaged it is probable he
took the hint.
HER SHARE OF THE WORK.
els your sister at home ?" asked st.
Louis young gentleman of the little
brother who answered the bell.
ssYes, she's home, said the boy; "we're
ooin' to have cocoanut pies for dinner
tomorrow, and she's out in the kitchen
helpin' mother make 'em.
"Indeed," replied the young man,
evidently very much pleased, "and what
part of the pie does your sister make ?
"She cracks the cocoanuts with her
teeth. "-PhiIadeiOItia Evening CaU.