Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-08-28
TARIFF TROUBLE.
Plenty of Et at Nasby's Meeting at the
Con .ederate Cross Roads-Joe BigIer
TeIegraphs to Barnum.
From the Toledo Blade.

uOIllIldSilellS,
wich we he'd dooly announst by notiss
written by Issaker Gavitt, and posted up
in Bascom's bar-room to make shoor that
all the Dimocrats Nv the Corners wood
see it. I sot by it for q dav und red it to
EN-, to enshoor full attendance
ice Bigler happened in and red it, and
sed it was good ijee to hav ratifica-
ton meetin'. He shoodent hisself prob
able vote for Cleveland and Hendrix, but
It wuz the proper racket to have sich
meetings to discuss the platforms and
sich. to the end Nv citizens votin intelli-
gently, and he shood swell the meetin by
bein present hisself.
Then [ knowed ther wood be trouble
and l would hev
POSTPONED THE MEETIN
till some time when he wuz shoor to be
away, eff I Good. But unforchinitely I
cOodent.
Then [ begged him not to cum, but he
insisted. He wood. He felt it to be
relijus dooty.
'.Reiiius dooty!'' I remarkt sarkasti-
cally. "what is yoor relijun?.'
Il hevn'G got much, sighed Josef
pensively. "What | hev is mostly
summed up in this: 1 labor vigrusly ev-
cry day with myself not to be quite as
mean ez I know how to be. l shell be
there
The mite cum, the horn wuz tootid,
and Deekin Program, Issaker Gavitt and
myself took one sustained to help us
thro' the hour and half we shood be
in the meetin and deprived Nv susten-
ance, and then went over to the meetin-
house.
1t wuz a cheerful site. Mirandy Pro-
gram, assisted by the other Demokratic
ladies Nv the Corners, he'd got out the
flags and banners we hev yoOsed ever
sence 1861, and he'd festooned the walls
with EN-. Their was the good old ban
ners under which we marched to defeat
under
SEYMORE AND MCCLELLAN,
aid Greely, and Tilden and Hancock,
with the same inscripshens on EN-.
Death to Abolishnists!' 'Shel White
Wimmim Be Compelled to Marry Mig
gers?" ''White Husbands or None !"
''Shel the Niger. Wich Is Beest, Con-
t;sninate the Poles Beside the White
Man?' Honor to the Confederate
Rraves" Them Wich Votes ez Linkin
Voted are ez Bad ez the Gorriller His
self = and various other notices Nv like
n2cher.
And on the wall in the place Nv honor
wuz the identikle rife with which that
Old saint, Deekin Pogram, bushwhacked
Federal pickits at mite, after he had bin
sellin EN- watermellons all day. The
Corners prize that rifle, and it is allus
decorated when we hev Dimocratic
meetins.
One advantage Nv bein Dimekrat at
the Corners is we don't change at all.
The banners we marched under in 1861
do jist as we'll for us now, for we are
constantly ftin the old fite over agin, and
alluz will
TILL DETH DO US PART.
[ assoomed the chair, Issacker Gavitt
took the secretary's table, ex-offishO and
| made the speech ez yOOsual.
[ cOmmenSt an elaborate diScuShn Nv
the the platform Nv the party, and wuz
gittin on very well till | come to the tar
iff plank, when Joe Bigler riz and inter
ruptid me. [ knew the cusS wood do it,
and my hart went down into my boots.
L beg pardon" sed Josef, "for inter-
ruptin the eloquent speaker, and wood
ent do it only [ desire to assist him in
eloosidatin the eggsant meeyin Nv the
platform, over wich [ understand ther
hez bin some trouble. If ther is any
thing on earth which shood be cleer and
well defined, so cleer that he who runs
may read, it is the platform Nv princi-
pies Nv a CRATE party. 1t sh0od be SO
cleer that the humblest intellect shOod
know eggsackly wat is meant by it and
wat them wich stand on it pro pose to do
about it.
''To the end Nv hevin plain and cleer
INTERPRETAsHEN Nv THIS TARIFF PLANK,
it ol1kured to me, when I wuz over to
Seceshunviee, to go to the highest au-
thority ON the subjick, which is Mr.. Bar
mum, the chairman Nv the Nashnel
Dimekrat Committy. If anybody on
earth ought to know wat the platform
means it is Barnum, isn't it,"
The meeting all yelled "yes!' when
Josef went on:
L may as well mention that [ as
soomed the name Nv our esteemed friend
Issaker Gayitt and telegraphed thus:
ITO Mr.. VIM. II. Barnum, Cheerman
Nv the Nashnel Dimekrat Committee:
Does the Dimekratic platform meen per-
teckshun or free trade?
''IssAKER GAvITT, Manyoofaktrer."
The answer received wuz entirely sat
isfaktry. It read thus:
To Issaker Gavitt, Manyoofaktrer:
The tariff plank in the Dimekratic plat
form meens tariff reform with tenden-
cy to the Perfection Nv Amerikin labor |
by impOsin heavy dooties on the man
yoofakters Nv the bloated Briton. Bare |
down heavy on the perteckshun ten
iency among your operatives. |
w. Fl. BARNUM, Cheerman.
1ssaker, which hez small interest in
a rollin mill. riz to his feet and yelled.
81 KNOWED IT!
[ knOwed it. Nv course we want tariff
reform, but the platform is all in the
lireckshun Nv Perteckshun. Hooray,"
. [ shoOd also state" continued Josef,
: that when [ returned to the Corners [
wunst more to Mr.. Barnum
% be sure that he'd not misunderstood
him, only | yoosed the name of our
equally esteemed friend, Deekin Pogram.
This was my second dispatch:
4