Connecticut western news., 1884-10-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

" AhhNh hAk Ahah w hNta wv w dience
 A LraHr fce-the retainer from a gas company.
 TIE best girl and the best oake- home maid.
 EsoUMAux girls make their own sealskin sacqucs.
 TIE black silk hat can Ego to the head" once more.
 SHOULD mustard plaster bo chased among drawing materials ?
 WHEN is a vegetable not vegetable2 When 1t is what you caulihower.
 HuMBERT is about the only King in Europe who is earning his salary.
 THERE are few girls who can make a perfect mash whom a potato is the sub iect
 WHEN a man starts out to paint the town red he does not do it in water colors.
 IT is the slightly doaf man who s afflicted with the "Hey2" fever all the year wound.
 CHARITY begins at hum, an I've re- marked that some folks never let it go enny further.
 FATHER (to daughter going out to post some letters) )-''Yes, my dear, mail the notes, but don't note the males"
 A SOCIETY young lady lately gave . new definition of respectable peOple" those who "put their washing out
 A PRMrKR's toast: "The Press |" IL expresses truth, represses errors, im- presses knowledge and expresses noae.
 AN Indiana university has ordered $500 microscope, and it is conhdcntially expected that what the boys know will be discovered.
 WHEN Clara was asked what she would do II nice young gentleman would ask her hand in marriage, she naiyely replied; "I don't think I'd no"
 AND now the Germans are making bottles out of paper If this thing con. tinues, we expect, before long, to hear some editor making money out ofpaper.
 TaE people of the United states, it is said, pay S9O0,0O0,0OO annually for liquors. As Mir. Weller would say, the people of the United States are rum lot
 IF you sec a family in New York which does not possess a stylish turnout, do not suppose it is because they cannot afford 1t, but notice how old the dauRh- ters are.
 AN old lady says that some men can never thread needle She might have added that there are some men who late at night, when they go home, arc hardly able to thread the streets. Nan Fran cisco Post.
 OvERnEARD at the club-"Do you know Mir. D. 9' "oh, yes, very well. "What sort of q man is he2" Perfectly honest and trustworthy since he has re- tired from business"
 A sPANIARp in the first pages of his English grammar, desiring one evening at table Co be helped to some boiled tongue, said, "T will thank you, miss, to pass me the language"
 "YEs, sir, :" said the entomologist, "I can tame fliesso that when whistle they will come and alight on my hand" 'Pshawl" said the bald-headed man, ''that's nothing. They como and alight on my head without my whistling."
 A WESTERN school teacher, lamcuting the early marriages of some of her young lady pupils, spoke of ono girl in particular, who was married last week at the age of fifteen, and said she did wish she could have taken the girl through fractions before she got married. -Boston Journal.
 "WHATEvKR became of Morgan ?" said little boy to his father, who had just became Mason. Tho father smiled. "He was never heard of after ward, was he ?" The father still smiled. "Then, fl he was never heard of again, know what must have happened to him." "Whatp" asked the father. ''He must have been elected Vice Presi- dent. ."-Puck sENsrBLE COMMENT.
 A bad tent to dwell under is dIscon- tent
 Smiles are the small coin of heavens mint.
 The cream of experience is skimmed from spilled milk.
 Honesty, like gold, is frequently used to plate base metals.
 In the cup of life youth dives for the sugar, middle ago for the cream, and old age takes the dregs.
 If others misfortunes deterred men from pushing ahead over the beaten path, few successes would be won.
 Some business mems names never get into the papers except through an l F FHe1f