The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-06-27
30. DEER LODGE MONTANA, JUNE 27 1884
+. WHOLE NO. 7S1
WHY WE LAUGH.

A Paris young lady, who Is engaged to q
gambler, call him her beau hgh-desl.-Pari.
Beacon.
A Belgian street has been named Sarah
Bernhardt because 1t is very long and very
narrow.
A Mississippi man advertises for "colored
hands" Why don't he invest In q stylo-
graphic pen?
To speed parting guest say "Go ahead
and be sure you WRITE" This reverses
Crockett.-Picdy,me.
If they want motto to put up over the
chair of the Speaker in Congress, here It Is
"Don't Blow Out the Cas-"
The Providence that could take Vennor
and leave Virgins seems to the Philadeiphia
Times to be Indeed mysterious.
A message put In bottle and sent to sea
Is not lost. The whole world is ready to
reach for q corked bottle.-Ne,o Orleans Pic.
dyune.
It Is said there are now nearly 10000 bi-
cycle riders in the United States. Yet the
man who If not natural-born bicycle rider
is better off.
The man who knows how everything will
turn out never has any money TO bet on 1t,
and that is why he is kept poor.--Ne,o Or
leans Picaylme.
A st. Petersburg correspondent of the N.
| Y. Sun Is convinced that Russia's greatest
weakness is her size. That cannot be said
of the Greenback party.
A Frenchman said 10 a Berliner: "Yeur
Iron Cross, the highest Prussian order, Is
simply ridiculous; 1t has intrinsic value of
scarce five sous" The Prussian replied
"But 1t has cost you two Napoleons."
1t is the custom in certain Hindoo caste
for woman about to marry to have her third
and fourth fingers cut off at the first joint.
This accounts for the peculiar scratch marks
observable on the face of the Hindoo hus.
band.-Merchant Traueler.
Eastern bellies now use an Invisible lin
ointment favored with honey. When adul-
teration has crept into kisses, isn't 1t about
time for you to sound your trumpet, Mr.. Ga
briel, and shut down operations in this
wicked, wicked world right now ?--Bismarck
Tribune.
What horrid thing Is the cigarette. The
downfall OF Ferdinand Ward may be traced
to his constant use of those little evils; and
now Montana man has suicidsd while
smoking one. His body was found-pistol
In hand and cigarette in his mouth
Boomerang.
Pinsuti Stiletto, the condemned assassin
OF his wife and five children, gave the last of
bis enjoyable In-jails on Friday last. Mr..
Stiletto takes his departure for the hereafter
at the hands Of the Sheriff on Monday next,
and it Is expected that this will be the most
rtcherche execution of the season.-Life.
A wit will have his joke even at the ex-
pense Of gallantry. Lord Houghton, noted |
In England because of his merry disposition |
As well as requirements, was such a man. On |
one occasion, when . lady was boasting |
that she had brought hundreds of men to her |
leet, the witty lord remarked, in an under |
tone: "Chiropodists !"
ATE quar- Vi raw oyster. at one time |
Oh, pshaw! you couldn't do it, Patrick" |
"Weii, it's messlf that did II no later than
the day afore Yesterday" "Patrick, Patrick! |
you're great liar" "Misther Robert, I've |
not exaggerated it at all. / ate a whole |
quart, sur, but at the same time I'll scknowl- |
edge that the oyster wur schmall wans."-
7eras Sytings.
"My DEAR" said Mrs. Wilcox (nee Ella
Wheeler) to her husband last Monday morn
Ing, edo you want me to write a poem to-
much" replied Mr.. Wilcox; eT want you to
mead my other suit of clothes and wrestle
with that washtub for couple of hours"
Then he left, and Mrs. Wilcox said, "And
such Is the fruit of poems of passion."-
Washington Hatchet.
Here Is how it looked IN the programme
book:
From mighty kings he took the spoil,
And with his acts made Judah smile"
And this Is about the way it sounded after
Maaame Nilsson had put her dramatic soul
into 1t:
"Fro miyillyiyte kang re toohoo owo ohoowoo-
hook tn spoioioil,
An we thess ak mad Judah smiyethismiyel-
hismiyeihile e."-Cincinnat Ne,rs Journal.
"And so Jack was sentenced to be hanged,
was he 9' "YIs, surr, but the byes saved
him, don't ysu know; they proved an alibi."
Proved an alibi! What do you mean ?"
"Phi, don't yer see, We fist knocked down
the ould calaboose, and TUX Jack out beyant
the town and hung him on q limb nice and
quiet loike, and whin they come to execute
The sintence onto him, don't yer see, he'd q
foine alibi all riddy for um. He wasn't
there NATURALIZATION Transcript.