Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1884-06-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

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Ran away with an old woman's 6osLe;
Bot the wrafhful old crogne
Hit him twice with bogne
And IL Wks dreadful TO hear the dog grogre.
She pressed her hand on her hair,
And her cheeks as red rs a rose.
And drew II over her forehead fair,
And toyed with her Grecian nose.
And no smile on sunny wing.
Its fight Oer her features took,
Because on her dazzling engagement ring
Her sisters wouldn't look.
In New Orleans tue sand bag is used
to stop gaps in tine levee; in Chicago to
make gaps in society.
The proper question to ask a young
woman who is about TO elope is,
docs your mother know your route?"
A young man with a pair OF hand
painted suspenders generally finds q
room too warm to work in with his
coat on.
New Mexico is elated over the dis
covery of mountain of alum in the
western part of the territory. The peo-
pie should prepare to pucker.
Grace: 81 am going to see Clara to-
day. Have you any message?" Dora:
81 wonder how you can visit that
dreadful girl! Give her my love-"
In Armenia girls are married when
IL years old. In this country at that
age they are too busy buying candy
and making faces at the boys to think
of matrimony.
One young man said to another: ut
is long way from this world to the
mex" 'Oh, never mind, my dear fel-
low," said the other; you'll have it all
down hill"
Another Waterloo veteran is dead.
We are not sure how many Waterloo
veterans still live, but if Napoleon had
half of them in his army he would have
won the fight.
An article containing a dozen hints
on how to take care of horse is going
the rounds of the press. but there is
not one hint as to how to get the horse
-NorristoUn Herald.
The human is supposed to be far
more intelligent than the brute crea-
ton, and yet ordinarily the street-car
horse answers the bell much quicker
than the servant-girl will.
''Shall l take your love to your dear
mother?" said lady visitor who was
going to see the mother in question to
a little child of 3 years. "She has my
love-" was the quaint reply.
''Is this a singing doll?" asked she
of the clerk. 'Yes, Mademoiselle.
"How do you make it sing?" "Just as
you would any other young lady"
''How is that?" by pressing il" "O!"
The Sweet Singer of Michigan has
made Oscar Wilde rhyme with .fos-
ter child" This is little more credit
able than her attempt to rhyme "con-
sanguinity'' with claws a'massy," but
not much.
"Is your mother IMP" asked a visitor
of little Mormon boy, who opened
the door. mo, ma'am," the little boy
replied, with tears in his eyes Che had
just been spanked, } "but my brothers.
mother is in"
Mr.. George w. Childs, the owner
and editor of the Philadelphia Ledqer,
has his office, like most other editors,
away back, up stairs, where he is not
easily found. But it is u curiosity shop,
| nlleO Win Drlc-a-Drac.
A woman has finally been admitted
to practice law in Connecticut, and the
country can lean back and take rest
for few weeks. We didn't know there
was any law in that state, but mavbe
she can find some somewhere. e.-DetroH
Free Press.
"Do you suppose eating angel cake
will make an angel of me?" asked a
seraphic young lady of the worldly
young man. give no dought it WILL"
he answered. IF you will only eat
! enough of it." Then she giggled, and
said, "WhyP"
"No," said fond mother, speaking
proudly of her 25-year-old daughter;
''no, Mary isn't old enough to marry
yet. She cries whenever any one scolds
her, and until she becomes hardened
enough to talk back vigorously she
isn't fit for a wife,
"Yes," said Mrs. Liberal, Il hate
those Straiters, they are so awfully
bigoted; but they needn't be so stuck
up about their religion. The liberal
faith is gaining fast, and it won't be
many years, guess, before we can be
as bigoted as they are"
The old tramp who was Michigan
fire sufferer" last summer will go on
the road this spring as an ''Ohio flood
sufferer. He thought once he would
have to appear as a Java earthquake
sufferer" but the floods have Fortunate
ly rendered this rather far-fetched ex-
cuse unnecessary.
New Yorker (who has been "stuck"
more than an hour with intellectual
young lady from Boston,: You say
that you despise New York men.
Then why do you come to New York,
and why do you 60 to New York par
ties?" Young lady from Boston: For
a complete intellectual rest"
pa" said little boy to his father
on their arrival at St. Louis, Il didn't
know people in this city had wings"
wings? Certainly not" replied the
father "Then what are those things
that stick up SO highp' "Hush, my
boy,' said the father in an undertone;
''you mustn't speak so loud. Those
are ears"
Remember, sir, that you owe some
thing to your constituents" said one
member of our city council to another.
"Humph!" said the other, ''if you owe
anything to your constituents, all I've
got to say is that you're lucky. Why,
there are not half-dozen voters in nv
ward that have not borrowed money
from me-"
contemporary asks: "How shall wo-