The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-11-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

ment. 1t is understood that he intends
to appeal against the sentence "a un-
constitutional.
Storekeeper-s.Stocki miss? Yes.
miss. What number. miss. do you-''
Matter-of-fact young lady-..Why, two.
OF course! DO You think I've got a
wooden leg?"
Artists friend (pointing to sketch)-
''Say. Harry. where did you get thise'-
Harry -''Why, got that out of my
head" Friend-''Well. it's lucky
thing for Your head that you got it
out
A Missouri man who refuses to run
for county Office was chased into a
swamp and then hunted out with dogs
and guns and made to accept. When
Western politics get after man he's
got to come in out of the wet.-Free
Press
A gallant contemporary rushes to the
defense of the s'society girl, " and says
''there are two kinds of society girls"
There are; there are, exclaims Bob
Burdette in the Utica Observer. We
admit it. The trouble is, one kind is
just like the other.
Boston has an accomplished girl
who can scream at mouse in seven
languages. To hurl seven languages
at mouse would be a great waste of
dialects. 1t is very doubtful if the
mouse would understand only one
language. Nos7astoWn Herald.
A testimonial in medical advertise
ment reads: eleven years my
daughter suffered on bed of misery"
Hundreds of people who spent their va
cation in the country or at the shore
will declare that they know just where
that bed is slocated.-B0ston Transcript.
John Jones lived in Cleveland.
While milking he tied the cows tail. as
the flies kept that appendage topping.
After he was taken three times around
the cow-pasture on his back he re-
marked: 81 recognize my mistake, l
should have tied her tail to her own leg
instead of mine
The electrical attachment by which
an organ can be played several hun
dred feet away from the keyboard may
some day be combined with hand
organs. This will allow the Italian to
deposit his machine in front of a house
and then retire beyond shooting distance
before starting Philadelphia Call.
..Where are you going pet?" asked a
BROOKLYN woman of her husband, with
whose relatives he was not on very
friendly footing. Il am going to call
on nv folks" he replied; but is not
this coat rather shabby?" Yes" re-
piled the wife, turning up her nose;
..but as long as you don't go among
decent people it is good enough.
An Auburn dentist of large practice
called at the house of a man named
Brown, recently, to deliver a set of
teeth that had been ordered. He was
met at the door by the maid who, on
being told his business, exclaimed
sLord save us! Mr. Brown has been
dead week. and was buried day be-
fore yesterday" The dentist beat q
hasty retreat.
Two citizens of Ukiah recently strug.
gled for the possession of a watermelon.
The stronger of the twain was victo-
Fious, and was about TO walk off with
the prize when his antagonist pulled a
knife and stabbed him to the heart.
Danger hrks in the watermelon from
every conceivable point of view. The
safest plan is to eat CLAIMS. Fran
cisco Neacs-Letter.
A school has been opened in Boston
at which such boys as may desire are
Taught during the vacation how to use
carpenters and joiners' tools. Plumb
ers' tools are wisely omitted. A boy
familiar with the latter would want ia
tear up the floors and make a big hole
in the walls once week, to search foI
leak which is three feet under ground.
-NorristOt0n Herald.
1t appears that. according to new ar.
Engagements in the public schools, boys
who deserve punishment are to be sent
to the Fourth Ward School to receive
their strapping. A boy who goes. to
the First Ward, about three-quarters OF
mile away, complaining of this, says
-'By the time a feller gets out there
he'll forget what he is going for. y
Trginid Nee Enterprise.
The daily papers at the seaside re.
the season. The mission of these
name from hotel register and print il
photography that the owner of it is un.
able to tell whether it is his appellatiOr
or the name of new cough medicine
He doesn't appreciate the metamor.
phosis unless his creditors are on his
trail.-NorristOacn Herald.
Two men in Walton county own
farms on opposite sides of public
road. On one side, nailed to a tree. i:
3 board with the following inscription
TO wit: 'sAll persons are warned no
to hunt or fish or otherwise trespass on
these premises. Any person violating
6o IL.
tent of the law just across the road
on the opposite side is another boarG
with this writing upon it, namely
''Come on, boys, let's go huntin' -
atlanta Constitution.
An old lady was cutting her bread
very carefully. looking at the loaf rath
er vaingloriously every time she cut of
slice. Some one asked her if there
was anything the matter with it-hair.
or anything. ''Oh, no." she said
.'but scripter reads, Thou shalt no
mar the corners of thy bread an
mean to go accordin' to scripter il
everything t | can, little orgreat, wheI
know" and she kept right ON will
her bread, innocent of the comical mis-
take she had made in reading the lattel
half of Levitieus XIX, 27.
Inc prettlest glri at Sauceilto PIC
mic the other day was observed to ac
in most inexplicable manner Sh,
peremptorily refused to dance, swing
or climb the rocks after ferns. Late
in the day she was found by anothe
girl weeping bitterly under bush
''What on earth's the matter, Gussie?,
''Why, you see, Sophy," sobbed tn
weeper, Il can't have good time, no
enjoy myself bit. started off in sucI
a hurry this morning that | forgot t,
put on my other stockings" Thu
'.conscience doth make towards of u
all" etc.-SGn francisco Post.
Young Lady-Have you chain armor
Storekeeper-Chain armor? We've go
few pieces that we keep as curiositie
yes. Young Lady-But l want t,
purchase suit: one that will fit me
Storekeeper-No doubt we could max
one for you; but pray, if l may be s.
bold, what can you want chain armo
for? Young Lady-Tll tell you. / me
young fellow at the picnic the othe
day, and in the course of our converse
tion foolishly invited him to call. H