The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-12-25
TOO CLEVER BY HALF.

| TO be retlrlng, yet, at one time, was
very ambitious.
! [ wrote play in fifty-two acts, each
! to occupy week in playing, so that a
| whole year would necessarily be occu-
| pied in producing it, and, what more,
| | meant TO perform in it myself.
| | found the best way to get it talked
/ about was to attend regularly from
/ twelve till three at a certain bar, cen
| tral to West-end theatres. and there listen
! to ear-wigging actors, discuss my tre-
mendous effort, which was to bring me
! both fortune and fame.
| ! had pretty fair stock of coin at
the time. but it was marvellous how it
dwindled away at the bar
| was constantly standing treat to
actors and others, until the barmaids
beautiful creatures, with such be-
witching smiles, and hair of different
shades U mean that each angel went
| in for one particular shade. of cOurse)
began to understand what was want
! ed, whenever | made my appearance,
| by placing some brandies, one Irish,
ditto Scotch cold, a pint of stout, anoth-
er of mild and Burton, two lemonades,
and dozen fourpenny cigars, upon the
counter, without even waiting for my
order.
Equally, as a matter of course, my
forefinger and thumb were placed in
my right waistcoat pocket, and a real
half-sovereign (none of your tokens
taken out and placed beside the drinks,
which, together with the money, disap-
peared in a marvellous way.
1t seemed to be settled thing that
No ono 1UaS to Sl- mo T., haCp r.afres h
ment At all events, nobody did. which
l thought wonderful, but others didn't
Perhaps it was owing to their innate
| sense of modesty that they forbore
treating me.
A person of my intellectual calibre
was not on the same platform as 9TH
ers.
| stood alone as far as standing
drinks, etc, was concerned, but had
plenty of companions when l entered
that particular bar, a choice gardenia
in my buttonhole, a we'll brushed Paris
hat, clothes of unexceptionable cut,
lavender kid gloves, spotless linen, a
heavy albert, and a chronometer at
tached to it:
Good morning, sir" used to come
from quite a chorus of voices, and hats
were slightly raised in my honor.
OF course, | smiled graciously in re-
turn, and stroked my auburn nous
| tache excessively and complacently. A
cynical wretch once called the color
carrots, at that particular bar, because
l had refused to part with ''soY.,'
and also, as a matter of course, paid for
the usual drinks.
A few, | might say three, of the hab-
itues of the bar Cat least, they were all
there whenever | put in an appearance)
| addressed me by my surname-Nog-
gles-and usually shook hands with
me. They all admired my description
of the famous drama; said it would be
sure to make hit, and send rival man.
ayers mad, especially those of them
| that had not been so fortunate as to Sc
cure it first.
But, up to the present, no one had
made a bid for it, or for my services,
although | had once played in Othello
at an amateur theatrical performance
in aid of the FIJI cannibals. to whom
several missionaries were sent out in
consequence, and stayed there, en-
| tonbed in the stomachs of that inter-
esting race of beings.
! intlmates, who was a regular walking
directory about things theatrical, '.why
| don't you get your drama licensed by
the Lord Chamberlain?-that will be
the first step towards success-mana-
| gers will nibble at it thenr'
For this brilliant idea | was mulcted
| in tive-pound note (only as loan, of
course), to be religiously returned at
Doomsday | suppose, for, from the hour
of parting, up to the present, the mon
| ey has not been returned.
| | acted on his advice, and, packing
| up the MSS. and sketches of the seem
cry in very roomy portmanteau,
| chartered hanson, when Noggles and
| his fortunes were conveyed to the au-
gust Chanberlain's office.
| fancied | noticed look of dismay
on the readers face when kept diving
into the portmanteau as if We're dip
| ping into lucky bag, bringing up sew
eral acts at dive, all neatly tied with
! green silk cord.
lis that allp'' he asked, blandly, with
just tinge of satire in his tone, as |
gently wiped my brow with a brand
new silk handkerchief.
"Yes!' | replied with sigh, regret
ting at the moment that l had not car
ried out my original intention of ex-
tending the play to two years, as they
do in China and Japan.
"Will you kindly oblige me with a
list of the titles21 he asked, a peculiar
smile playing about the corners of his
mouth. which, l must confess, savored
| of chaff to me.
However, the arbiter of my dramatic
future was too mighty a parsonage for
me to show my resentment to, although
| q time might come when he would be
obsequious to ME.
The MSS. you see before you, sir,
all belongs to a single DRAMA" | re-
marked, drawing myself up proudly.
Nothing like it has ever come before
you, trow."
How many acts are there?n he ask
ed.
"Fifty-two, each act to last the entire
week"
You'll have to pay full license for
each act" he remarks, with ferocious
grin, as l thought, 1.-The sum of one
hundred and four pounds in all. "
'.What?' | exclaimed Indignantly.
''All that money for reading and IL
censlng drama? PrepoSterous.
Drawing himself up magisterially,
he said severely, as he glanced at my
card:
Mr. Noggles, do you suppose that
the valuable time of her Majesty's ser
wants can be taken up for whole year,
reading your drama, for the modest
sum OF two guineas, or three at the out
side
Think of the blessings it will bring
upon our native land, remarked, as
suming a theatrical attitude, and wav-
ing my hand, with smile full of be-
nightly.
That's a moot point. SIR" he re-
marks, sententiously. What will you
do?"
Take my colossal work home
again. replied with asperity. The
manager who produces it viii have to
pay for the licensing"