The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1884-04-03

a EeataE Disease 90 which = CeRtass,
Kina oG Crsnks Are Subjected.
~ an,

THE ARBT or KEY LOSERS.
4 EeataE Disease g which = Certain
Kina 0E Crsnzs Are Subjected.
IL. 7. SUM-
at is likely enough, as you say" re-
marked New York locksmith, 'tthat my |
place doesn't appear particularly anus
ing. But if you had been In the bust.
ness Is long Is have-nigh on forty
years-you'd have come across some in-
teresting little circumstances. I don't
believe that there are any queerer men
on earth than the regular chronic key
cranks.
"Now, here is couple of dozen keys,
all Of exactly the came pattern, that
am making for one man. He doesn't
know that am making them; but
know that he is sure TO cali for one of
these keys pretty regularly once a week
until they're all gone. He's q genuine
loser and the most curious thing about
the matter Is that he has not the remot-
est idea of how or where he ever lost g
key. A few weeks ago he had small
closet made to hold duplicate. Well,
as no men are 50 ready to lock things up
as key losers, the first thing he did was
TO have lock put on his closet Then,
of course, he used to lose that key, too,
and every few days he would have to
break open his little cupboard with
hammer. Finding after while that he
was losing two keys instead of one, he
had to return to the old plan.
ar have one customer who expects me
to have duplicates of his keys always on
hand, not at the shop. but at my house,
for he always loses them late at night,
latch-key ind all. Four or five nights
in the year hear tremendous ring at
the door bell. boiler All rightP out OF
the window, and then grab the duplicate
bunch and Sin down stairs with it. Lor'
bless you'll / always know who it is.
believe he is lawyer, and Pm told that he
emphasizes his points in after-dinnef
speeches by poking his biggest key in the
palm of his hand. Where he puts them
afterwards he never knows, and he isn't
the kind of q man to give himself away
by inquiring.
ga customer that had for six years
told me once how he got lesson. 1t
seems that he always had to work on a
particular plan-couldn't stop it. He
would first take out his key, and then sit
on the doorstep TO pull off his boots.
during the latter operation he would lay
down his key and lose it, and be Obliged
to ring. Sometimes he would lose both
the key and the boots; but he never dared
to mention the fact at the breakfast ta-
BILE. He asked me once-it was the day
after Christmas-to guess what present
his wife had given him. Well, sir, it con-
sisted of eleven night keys and three
pairs of boots. Between the servant girl
and the milkman the crop had been gath
cred in and given tc the old lady in a
single year.
for, and that is how men with good
memories otherwise will fail in the mat
ter of keys. A man sent for me from
down town on three occasions to pick q
lock for him when he had the key about
him each time. He was one of the regu-
+! lar losers, and had tried all sorts of ways
to get over the habit. At last he tied
the key around his neck. When he sent
| for me he was trying one pocket after
another in a perfect fury. just as got
the picker to work he yelled, "Great Je
rusalemi Here it is around my neckF'
He did the same thing twice.
CHOW do people in general lose keysi
Well, with them it is a mere carelessnesS
and forgetfnlness, and they generally
fiud them again. It requires genuine
key crank to lose key simultaneously
completely, and forever.
"Vho was the queerest key loser ev
eF knew7 Take him altogether, l thinl
i the most peculiar was customer ] haC
during the last two or three years I va
i in London. He was a green grocer VIII
lived on the Surrey side. He was so alb
sent minded that whenever he went int
his bedroom for the night he would loci
his door and take out the key, as he haC
done an hour previous at the store. Thi
act on his part was, according to his owl
account, always performed unconsciously
as was the subsequent act of hiding it
He was most ingenious hider, and tn,
consequence was that once or twice ev
cry week he would forget where he haG
hidden the key, and, finding himsel
locked in, would hammer away at tn
door until my arrival. This habit was a
last the indirect cause of his nearly losing
his life. One morning when he was bang
, ing away at his door, his brother, VIII
: was in the hallway outside concluded t
give the imprisoned green grocer lessor
which might cure hia. So he raised tn
cry of fire. The grocer became wild AM
threw himself against the door, but
was of thick OAK and the lock was
heavy one. Then he threw the furnitur
| at it and tried every means in his powe
to escape, but to no purpose. At last, i
his desperation he rushed to the windoV
and prepared to leap. His brother, b.
good fortune, heard the movement, an
yelled with all his might that the fire wa
J out, and go saved the grocer's life. The
arrived and released him. Of course
couldn't let things go on in that way an
longer, although was glad enough {
get my two and elk or five shillings
week from the man, so / had the loo
taken off and q bolt put on"
did it cure him of his dangerou
habit"
"Not bit of it; he only got anothe
smith and went on as before. hear
afterward that his friends had the doc
, fixed, unknown to the grocer, 80 that
! case of a real emergency it could be fort
ed off its hinges. Lor' bless you, sir,
man with the key disease never gets owe
: it, but you'll hardly find one in Lift
time so peculiar as the Surrey grocer"