The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1884-12-06
HUMOROUS ITEMS,
VIII


have cent dinner, sir, or a 35-c
onep What is the difference between
the two?" "Ten cents, sir" Paris
Paper.
"HALLOl" shouted one boy to another
whom ne saw running wildly down the
street. Halo! are you training for a
racer" NO" called back the flying
boy, I'm racing for train"
DESCRIBE her if you please" says the
sergeant. We'll, she is dark complex
Toned, and wears thingummy kind of
dress, cut bias, and as to her age, Why
she is two or three years younger than
you'd take her to be"
The sweet singer of Michigan and the
sour mash of Missouri have still great
influence over the people, and multi
tudes flock to see them. All come away
charmed but the Missourian's fiery man
ner has more lasting effect Boston
Times.
SOME strolling Thespians were once
playing Macbeth" in country town.
The properties were not III very sys-
tematic order, for when the hero of
Shakespeare's drama exclaimed, as that
a dagger | see before me?" shrill voice
responded from the flies: "No, sir
its the putty knife. The dagger's lost.
Two lovers We're once gazing at a mill
dam, when the female observed Isn't
that dam splendid?" The male being
Of pious turn of mind, remarked that
he was not in the habit of hearing
young ladies swear, and proposed to see
her home. Tradition informs us that
the match was broken.
My pas poorly, and mas gone away
till he's better, she has" said one little
Hoboken girl to another the other day.
What's your ma gone away for?"
asked the other diminutive gossip.
Because the doctor said pa had TO be
quiet, and pa said he thought he
couldn't be quiet with ma about the
the house, SO ma had to CO."
THERE was really nothing the matter
with the young orator but nervousness ;
nevertheless, when he opened his speech
by saying, "my cello fitizens, rumthirg is
so ton in the Den of Statemak," his
friends led him off the platform, and the
next morning published physicians
certificate to the effect that he was suf-
fering from an acute attack of malarial
cerebration.
AS two Highlanders were wa ng
through Govan one afternoon a steam
tram way car passed them. Both were
struck with establishment, never having
seen one before. but at last one of them
managed to gasp out: "Lor' pless me,
Tougal, did you ever saw the likes OF
that before? Ia coach has run ava
fTae' ia horse. Run, run, Tougal, like a
good boy, an FRIGHT it pack"
THE Rector-"Well, Chorbacon,
hope you liked the broth I sent you
Saturday, and the sermon [ preached
Sunday" Chorbacon-"Thank you
kindly, EUR! Boot old loike the braath
better if it were more like the sarmon,
and the sarmon if it were more loike
the braath. You see, EUR, the sarmOn
moight a been a bit clearer, an OF
could a. doom wi less on it; and the
braath were a bit too clear, and OF
could a doom wi more on it, Lon
don Fun.
A PRESBYTERIAN doctor of divinity
once said to me at a General Assembly /;
you newspaper men must have queer
views of things. You are always look
ing on and never taking part. Your
knowledge and habits of thought must
be very circumferential and superficial
| suppose now your idea of the Day
of Judgment is, that you viii have q
table off at one side and report the pro-
ceedipgs for the morning paper."-St.
Paul Pioneer-Press.
Mrs. PARvENU had been abroad, and
when she returned she had much to tell.
One day lady was talking to her
"Ah, my dear Mrs. Parvenu. did you go
into Italy ooh, yes" was the reply
Eve were all over it and saw every thing"
Did you visit the Vatican?" Yes,
wewere there; but it was erupting fear
full that day, throwing mp lava and
smoke and stuff, and they concluded it
would not be safe to go up to the top.
1t was q fine spectacle from the coDser-
vatory of the hotel, and | enjoyed it
quite as much as if we had been right
on the spot"