Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1884-04-30
On the Half-shsll.

WI but ildll-Susih
"My vhife all der time SAYS to me:
Carl Dunder, II you vhas to be kilt by
n butcher cart or Ice wagon, or some
shteampoat pillow you oop on der river.
! vhas left nit no money, Why doan'
you pc insured nit your liieo'
"Vhcll, thinks about dot y good deal.
1t vhas my duty dot my white und Katie
doan' go nit der poor house ii can
help it, und tink it vhas pest ~ get
some insurance. spheak TO my frendt,
Shon Places, about it, und Shon he
says;
"'Of course you yhant insurance.
You shall come into my lodge OF der
United Order of Half-shells. Dot vhas
an order which only costs You one dol
lar year, und If you die your family
puts on sthyle nit der ten tousand dol
lar in greenpacks. l calls meeting
right AWAY NIT your saloon, und we
put you through like some streaks OF
CREASED lightning
"Vhell, goes home and tells der old
vhomans und she says dot vhas o. X.
She doan' like to see me die, but if
some SMALLPOX or yellow fever comes
to Detroit und takes me AWAY she likes
to hat long funeral procession und
build me grave-stono which rends dot
Carl Dunder vhas goot husband, a
kind fadder, und dot he has gone to
Heaven only leedle While before he
vhas ready. l shpeak to my daughter
Katie und she sheds some tears und
dells me DICT she looks as cute rs an
angel in some mourning glo2e for me.
So it vhas all right und l sweep out my
saloon und about twenty men come in
dot eafnings to make me Half-Shell,
"Oxcuse me if vhas mad und use
some words like pirate. My frendt,
Shon Places, vhas dere NIT q red cap
on his head und q voice so solemn dot
feels shills 60 up my pack. Tic calls
der meetings to order und says l like to
shoin und pecome Half-shell.
"'Does he like peer3' asks some mans
in der CORNER.
".He does, said Shon Places.
"'Und so do wei yells all der meet
ing, und Shon says vhas to come down
nit ter peer. Dot was nineteen glasses.
"Den Shon Places no reads from =
pook nit plue cover, dot man Vhas
diving cherry day so fast dot you can't
count 'em, or Something's like dot, und
he calls oudt:
"sVhat shall save dis manP'
"Und cafcrybody yells lager peer!'
Dot means | set him oop again, und
dot vhas nineteen glasses more! Den
two men take me und walk me all
aroundt, und Shon Places he cries
out:
1--WE vhas here to-day und gone to-
morrow! In der midnight, when eaf.
erybody vhas ashleep, tief comes und
shteas our life away What keeps dot
tief afar off?'
"Und eaferybody groans out like he
vhas dying! Cool lager! Dot means
vhas to set 'em oop again, und dot vhas
nineteen glasses more. Den Shor
Places he leads me twice aroundt unC
says;
"Carl Dunder you thinks you VIA:
made n Half-shell already, but you va'
mistaken. Put oudt your left hand
Dot vas goot. Now, my frendt, VIA
vas der foundation stone of liberty
equality und brotection?'
"Und eaferypody lifts oop his voic'
und groans oudt: All der lager mai
vhantsr Dat means | vhas to tap :
fresh keg; und | pelieve dot grove
drinks more AS forty glasses. | doan
like it so previous like. l didt, but m.
frendt Shon Places tells me to lie dow
on der table on my pack, und shut m.
eyes. When vhas in position he hi
me tree dimes nit his fist in de
stomach, und CRIES oudt:
"Vhen he vhas alife he vhas kint
nit der poor; when he vhas deadt W
forget his faults! Brudders, What VIA
der great principle dot leads to CHART.
und penevolenceP
"Und eafery body shumps TO his feet
und yells oudt: Some more lager uni
cigarsr Well, set EN- oop ono
more, und den | has so madt dot tax
my Club und clean dot crowd oudt mi
der street. pellet he vhas fraud o.
me. pellet dot Shon Places tells al
| der poys, und it vhas put up shob.
lose my peer und cigars und somcbod
carries off more ash ten bottles OF vhiSk
t from my par, und vhas no more
, Hall she'll as You are. II dot vhas som
way to insure me 50 dot NY vhlfe UNI
Katie hat some mourning goods un
puy me gravrStone nit y lamb on tol
| go out of pollytics light avhay. o.
] cuse me dot | she'd some tears, I'm
kick oafer der sha;rs und tables, for
e yhas madt like some cats on q gloz'
line ".-DetroH Free Press.