River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1884-07-10
SCENE nv a SODA SHOP.
A Reputation Nearly Blasted by Sarsa-
paril1a SINGERS Smartness.

"A PuIAb1ou n early BLASTED DY a 2aISa-
pari1la Singers Smartness.
We have no hesitancy in stating
that among the able bodied male adults
of this city The very common beverage
known as 'soda water" and which is
dealt out so unsparingly at every cor
ner during the heated term, is consld-
cred, to use their own language, thin
drink" But while the ingenious mix
ture of wind and water is termed thin,
strong liquors, such as WHISTLES, are
altogether too thick" for steady warm
weather drink, and so the imbiber who
must moisten his fiues with some liquid
refreshment seeks a pleasant combina-
ton of the two classes of drink, which
forms happy combination that exhil-
arates yet is not Intoxicating. 1t is
customary among these bibulous go-be-
tweens to enter drug store, call for
soda water, name their syrup, at the
same time giving wink to the dispens-
er of slush, who takes the goblet, in
which he places the syrup. then stoops
down beneath the counter or retires to
to back room, where by some mysteri-
GUS chemical change, the contents are
colored darkly, and the soda is then let
in upon the mixture, which is handed
to the customer with wink from the
clerk. So much for the process; now
for the sequel.
Saturday venerable gentleman from
the country, who is respectable church
deacon, Justice of the Peace, mem
Der of the "Band of Hope" and Good
Templar in his native village, came to
the city to trade a little in dry goods
and purchase such agricultural imple-
ments as he needed to plant and cult
vate his Spring crops. The deacon is
strictly temperate, and never looks up
on the wine when it is red any more
than he does when it is any other color.
Unfortunately our old friend had suf-
fered from opthalmia in his Early days,
which left him with an optical peculiar
ity which caused his left upper eyelid
to drop every few secon is, and which,
to those who are not familiar with his
infirmity, gave him the appearance of
winking Intentionally.
The "Deac" is passionatelv fond OF
soda water, and such light beverages.
He loves to feel the gaseous compound
coursing down his throat, and creating
internal commotion and typhoons, that,
however endurable by older persons,
throw babes into agony, and require
prompt doses of peppermint; so Satur-
day, after he had bought few shovels,
plows, hoes, rakes, and threshing ma
chimes, also Dolly Warden for his wife,
he thought he would fill up with soda
water and then drive on towards home.
He entered drug store, inquired the
price of the desired refreshment, then
deposited his scrip and awaited its mix
ture.
"What sirup do you want?" said the
urbane clerk, as he mopped off the mar
BILE counter with the same towel he used
a moment before to remove the honest
sweat from his brow.
ooh, give me sassaparilly; that is
about as healthy as anything Iguess."
Here the deacon's eyelid went back on
him and dropped quickly.)
"All right, replied the fountain tend
er, as he disappec ed below the counter
and came up moment later with the
drinking glass containing about three
fingers of "sassaparilly," to which he
added other ingredients, and handed it
to the deacon. The latter drained the
contents to the very dregs, then brushed
the froth from his mouth, smacked his
lips and said, that sirup is leetle
stronger than they generally make it,
but my blood is out of order, and !
guess I'll take another glass" at the
same time his eye-lid huttering as be-
fore.
The dose was repeated, and the soda
water imbiber left the store. About
half an hour later he entered another
establishment where sign announced
soda and Mineral waters on Draught.
1t was noticed that Deacon walked as If
he had the spring halt as he entered the
dock, and his spectacles were upside
down on his nose. He called for
Congress Water" at this place, say
ing he ssdid not feel quite right, and
was afraid he had used too much sirup
in his soda water at the other store, or
else he was bilious" his optical weak
ness exhibited itself as he spoke, aud re-
turning the wink, the clerk retired to a
dark closet, then returning filed up the
glass with plain Congress, and gave
It to our now 'tightually slight" friend,
who swallowed it without murmur.
How many 'sodas" the deacon stored
away before he left the city we are UNI
able to say, but he was found late in
the day, asleep in his wagon with pillow
point for pillow, and several yards of
Dolly Warden calico gracefully draped
about his person for a covering. He re-
yiyed sufficiently to inform stranger
that he had been "drugged" and.a sub
sequent visit to the localities where he
had taken saltwater developed the
fact that his unfortunate bit of winking
Ia defect over which he had no control
was the cause of all his trouble. The
soda water dispensers supposed him to
be zone of the boys" and every time
his eyeIid dropped took the hint. The
deacon escaped the "jimiamsa but says
hereafter he will wear binder over
that eve when he purchases summer
drinks or else write his order on slate.
Home Circle.