News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-10-02
CHE HAD GOT EN-. F"

knowed it want malaria, or rheumatei
or somefng o. dat kind. You struck
de fust clatter, sab. Got qua'ter boz
you, sab, to buy some isolation med
cine ?"-Terds .,Siftings.
CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES.
Bertha Schwarz uDrolled brown pa
per parcel in New York Police Conn
and tried to show the Justice a lot 0
hair which she said had been pulled from
her bead by Martin Pzofsky. The Jus
tice would not look at it, but asked th'
prisoner what he had to say.
81 trink sefendeen glasses of peer, and
I don't remember Something's apoud id, y
was the reply.
'This is the most brutal assault ]
have heard of for long time," said His
Honor. 81 shall give you four months. -
"But 1 wants my monish," cried the
woman; 81 pay one tollar sevendy-vive
cends for dot hair lasd week; now he
sphoil EN-" =
The man got off with reprimand.
Herald.
ONE OF THE PRIVILEGES OF A HAT.
"That hat is too tight for me-" ex-
claimed Crimsonbeak, as he was leaving
for business in the morning.
"Well, my dear, you shouldn't COM
plain, replied his shrewd wife.
"Why not?" asked the man, tryisg to
press the headgear down in place.
"Why. if you can go out at night and
get tight you must expect your hat TO
take the same privilege in the morn
ing."- Yorakers Statesman.
MOTTO FOR OUR NAVY.
Commander U. s. Man-of- War-'1
notice that in some countries each naval
vessel is given an appropriate motto.
Seems to me it is pretty idea."
Citizen-"Well, yes, it is not bad"
"Now, there is my vessel for instance.
1 wish I had the authority to give it
motto. American history furnishes
many good ones. What, for instance,
could be better than the famous words,
Don't give up the ship p?'"
''That would certainly sound well;
but thore is a better one on that big
sign down there on the beach"
"Indeed. What is it? I can't read
at this distance"
"'Don't venture beyond your depth. "
Philadelphia CAL.
TAKING THE SAFE SIDE.
'Tm not very familiar with American
money" said Montreal banker, ''but
this bill doesn't look right"
81 guess it's genuine" the depositor
remarked. eff it isn't know where /
got it."
.'It may be all right, but / am not
sure. Here, john" he said, turning to
the messenger boy, "run into some ho-
tel or liquor saloon with this bill, and
ask an American cashier if it's genuine.
THE BOY LEFT.
Alady residing in the suburbs has a
small boy, who like many of his species
shows decided propensity to pick up
words and phrases not adapted to polite
ears. With these he occasionally star
ties the family, and is especially apt tc
/ do so, of couIse. when visitors are pres
| emit
A gentleman caller recently asked him
some trivial question when he turned on
him and said:
Z "Did you speak, or did cabbage
head bust?"
Exit boy, in company with his father.
Boston Globe.
HAD ENOUGH.
Mr.. Winks-"Jane, have you fed the
dog this morning?"
Mrs. Winks-"No; he doesn't need
anything"
"Why, have not given him any meat
since yesterday morning; have youY'
"No, but one of Maria's fellers called
last night.
TELLING THE TRUTH.
Boarder at head of table as a slice of
watermelon is placed before him for
dessert.
'Mrs. Boggs, may 1 ask you ques-
ton p
Certainly, sir"
"May 1 ask you if there is any differ
ence between the price of green and a
ripe watermelon?"
eyes, sir-about ten per cent. "
'In favor of the green, l presume Z?
eyes, sir"
"And that's-that's"-
"That's why buy the green ones. -
Detroit Free Press.
GREEN apples have "ariven,"
And business will be driven
By the medical fraternity;
For those who eat the most
viii soon ''give up the ghost"
And be landed in eternity.