Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1884-06-27

She waited patiently, thinking mean
while how proud Josiah would be OF
his little wife, and how the whole city
would ring with her praises for having
outwitted a burglar. Presently she
heard the stealthy steps coming near
er, nearer, and then a smothered ex-
lamation She just lay back in bed
nd laughed. He was DONE for she
was sure. What a pity she hadn't a
pistol; she could shoot him so easily
now She listened Another step.
A bold burglar certainly. He must
know she was alone. She ceased
laughing. Still another stepl "Thun-
der and NIarsr' came in muilled tones
up the stairs and along the hall Mer-
ciful heayen he was coming in.
Great Scott Jerusaleml Ten thou
sand furiesl Sulphur and brimstOnel
were waited to her ears in half smoth-
cred tones. She waited to hear no
more. She sprang from her bed, and
putting her mouth to the crack in the
door, called out:
"Oh, please. Mr.. Burglar, do go
away Take anything you want;
there's plenty of silver down stairs,
and my watch and iewel-case are in the
cabinet with the silver trimmings.
Take them all; you are welcome to
them, indeed you are; and if there's
anything else down stairs-brt please
don't kill me, Josiah would feel so bad
and, and If you are going down be
careful not to hurt your feet"
But she was interrupted by terri
ole howl of:
Great guns, Martina, it's me. What
in thundefF ails these stairs? Some
ching or other has cut my feet all to
pieces. Open the door, quick, can't
you! I'm bleed ng to DEATH Quick,
| say! Amt you got no sense! Let a
fellow stand here and lose his life
blood because you're afraid of some
fool burglar! | want to see what the
thing is. l hope l amt poisoned
May be it's scorpion or a tarantula,
| or-Or-
"Oh, no, Josiah, it's only the burglar
alarm. You see, /" began Mrs. Fill,
lisy, throwing the door open, and letting
the light fall on Josiah, who stood
midway on the stairs, vainly endeavor'
ing to hold both feet in his hands at
| once.
"ohl ohl OH confound your old
burglar-alarm. What in creations
name is it anyway? It's killing ma
tdn't stand iioT SIT sIow12 1los.s' -:
anything"
"Climb onto the bannistet, Josiah, l
did"
Climb onto the bannister, woman
And so you've been playin' circus
while have been away. | thought
when | married you l had found a
woman of discretion; but it seems !
was mistaken. You're like all the res
Sliding down the bannister, indeed
Now tell me what al this confounded
nonsense means" said Josiah, perching
himself astride the bannister, and eye
ing his wife Indignantly.
ooh, Josiah, indeed | haven't been
playing circus at all" exclaimed Mrs
=, bursting into tears IL
was afraid, and soil invented
burglar alarm, and -and--I never
dreamed of your coming home but
thought if burglar should get in, It
would prevent his getting up stairs,
and-and--I guess it would And
she smiled ruefully upon the barbed
points at her feet
"Stars and garteIsl Prophets and
When will women cease to
be fools?" and the representative Of the
worlds wisdom shifted uneasily in his
enforced position.
"Will you kindly tell me, oh, great
inventor, how am l to get up these
stairs? My stockings are already
plastered with blood to my poor feetp
Climb up the railing on the outside,
like this" and she showed him. by ex-
ample, how easily he could gain the
npper landing! When once there, he
turned spitefully to his wife with the
words:
Martha Ann Fillisy, you are the
biggest fool l ever saw If you ever
invent another thing, I'll shut you VI
in lunatic asylumr'-Chieago Inter
ocean.