Connecticut western news., 1884-08-06
WIT AND WISDOM.


 A TOLL that wants Polyg- amy.
 Buy ways-tho methods of n ,.oliti- clan.
 A SAMPLE room-the boarding-houAe dining-room.
 TIE most popular fruit this summer seems to be candidates.
 Tm man who gives himself away usually hasn't very much to givo.
 THE man is not human who docs not think he can improve the work of an- other.
 SNas THE early melon and cucumber; "we're cramping tonight in tnc old cramp ground" s
 ''I PRESERVE my strength by husband ing it." said a wife, as she ordered her other half to bring in bucket of coal.
 TIE man who is anxious to get his name into the newspapers can easily do 80 by not paying his taxes, and wait ing.
 TIE Japanese call dog cart sim riki-shiya" They have no word in thoir language for tho dude who drives tho cart
 ISLAM is the place where thcre are neither Jews nor swine" said person to a Rothschild once. "Indeed," was the reply. "Let us go and exhibit our selves there"
 SLEDeEs arc generally considered the best vehicles for use in Arctic eTplora- tion, but the rescuers of tho Grecly party were greatly assisted in their search by schley.
 AN exchange asks for plan of mak- ing cheap fiddles very valuable. The simplest plan is to smash them. A cheap fiddle is always worth most whom it can't be played on.
 WHEN man says he is worth mil lion dollars, and no ono believes him, he is set down as insane. If he man. ages to make other people believe him, though, he is called financier.
 A HEALTH journal says, "Always have fruit on the breakfast table this time of year" It would be we'll for boarding house keepers to understand in this connection that oatmeal mush is not species of "fruit
 "I WISH I was bolt" he said. "whyP" she asked "Then could al- ways be around you" "I wish you were an anchor, she remarked. "WhyP" he asked. "Then you'd go weigh" she answered.
 "JoHN SMITH has gone and tied a knot in my horses s tail, complained a man to lawyer the other morning. "Now, what can I do about it2" he demanded. "You can go and untie 1t, " replied the lawyer, "and pay me five dollars for legal advice"
 MISTRESS of the house (to now nura- ery-maid, whom she finds deeply abs sorbed in dime novel;: "Why, An- nie, you can't read and mind the baby at the same timer Begging your par ding, mum, tho child doesn't disturb me bitr"
 A BROOKLYN avenue young lady says she visits Coney Island frequently and wishes to know the best place for bath ing. There is only one place we know of for ladies to bathe, and that is in the water. Men bathe in barroom gener- Brooklyn Times.
 Do YOU think there is any soashore place equal to Nantaskct2' asked an enthusiastic South Shore man. "Well," said Spicer, as he picked up boys top and thoughtfuIly placed it peg upward in the fat boarders fayorite chair, 'I think the steamboat landing is the pier of Nantasket."
 "HKLuo," said tho editor to the obse- quious individual who daily sauntered into the sauctum to occupy the best chair and confscaie the exchanges. "why are you different sort of a gun from what I am2" "I don't know, I am sure," grinned the visitor. ''Bo. cause am riaod and you are smooth bore"
 II SuNpAr-scHoo TEACHER-"Now this good man I've been talking about never cheated his customers nor sold underweight, and yet always lived a happy, contented life. What does this prove, Susie2 2" Susie (vhosc father deals in dairy produo,s) -"I 'speeks it proves, miss, that he warn't in the but ter bizness. ."-ChaG.
 HE had his speech by hcart, but the multitude frightened him. Twenty ? years ago the place upon which you now , stand WIS bowling wilderness v he began. Not remembering the next son- tence, he repeated that one. There was immense applause. Still he forgot , Attempt No. was as follows: Twenty years ago the place on which you now stand was q bowling wilderness-and- o and-hang me if donl wish it was p now"