Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1884-06-06

hausted.-Ex. Now if Tommy Upmore had
been downmore and his Blackmore had been
Whitemore, his first edition might not have
been exhausted.
"THE Chicago clergymen say that the Sunday
horse race must CO." We should think that the
Sunday horse racing ought to stop going.-Call.
Certainly. If they don't, all our steeds, includ-
ing sires, mates, and the whole dam herd will. be
sid or given away
Some miscreaEt opened switch at Chatta-
nooga, Tenn, yesterday, and in the collision
which followed tramp was XII led.-New York
Journal. You may calllhim miscreant; and all
that but just watch the switches fly open as
this item goes the rounds.
OPERATOR WHATToN forgot to hold freight
train and collision ensued, says an exchange.
There is but one man in America today phys
ically qualified to hold a freight train against a
full head of steam. He is the democratic
favorite-the muscular Sam.
NEAR Baldwin, Alabama, a large pine box
was found floating in the Stlx river containing
the bodies of two negroes. The box was la
beled Free transportation to hell"-Exchange.
Let's see; that was several days ago. They
will be in Chicago for the convention.
UNITED PREsBYrER1ANs are fighting over
music again.-Pioneer Press. Some prefer the
tom tom and others the bazoo, while few of
the most distinguished members want the huzzy
guzzy. Why can they unite on dark horse
and elect the bass drum and cymbals?
Hon. LELAND STANFORD wants General Grant
and family to go to California to live at his
expense.-Globe. You must remember, Mr.
Leland, that our invitation was in first. We
will have the General if it requires the pay
ment of all his-but let us fgure-$13, 900, 900
A. Colorado man has duck that laid an egg
with nickle embedded in the yolk. 1t is not
known how the nickle got Philadelphia
Call. What haven't you ever heard vf catching
game with silver hook. This time it was
nickle, though, and the duck came out victori
ous
The Chicago papers evidently think they owr
the earth. A couple of them ask for only forty
seats, twenty each, at the republican nationa
convention next week-New York Hernld
That's all right. They have Chicago girl al
reporter and she must have little room for he1
feet to wiggle around.
JOHN T. CoND,N, a young merchant OF
Bloomington, who was to marry Miss MOllie
Boiler, disappeared when the preparations fol
the wedding ere compl"ted-Chicago Herald
Condor. old boy, accept our congratulations.
But you should have discovered that she was in
earnest at an earlier date.
REV. DAVID WRIT held service in passenger
coach at Sykeston on Sunday and organized a
Congregational church mum m5ering thirteen
members-Jamestown Alert. There it goes
again. Thirteen members Thirteen! What
an ominous cloud of bad luck hangs over that
poor, little congregation.
j. W. WILLIS, of Savannah, Georgia, laid
down on the common to sleep; matches in his
pocket ignited ond burned him so badly that
he will die.-Ex. Friends of the delegates to
the Chicago convention should send them this
item, as temptations will meet them on every
hand, and when mar is 'full'' on Chicago
whiskey he is liable to do most anything.
Id rather know the dead, dear,
Than see thy noble brow
Flush with q we'll earned shame, dear.
At thought of broken VOW.
Mary G. Forester.
Don't be alarmed, now Molly,
Our fair and noble brow
'Z'as pale and melancholy
As when we made the vow.
But if you "wish US dead, dear"
And all that sort of trash
Well don our broadest smiles, dear,
And start out on the "Mash."
A girl in Baraboo, Wis, six months ago an
HWoI0I INC ADVERTISEMENT VI W0A "AO nOAACAteV
correspondence, and last week they were mar.
RED and have gone east to live.-Exchange. II
a girl has wart on her nose, is bald headed, ha.
no teeth and less brain, We know of no bette,
way for her to catch husband. But she can
bet her last years bonnet that she don't get any
the best of the bargain, even under these cir
cumstances.
THERE was great soldier called Logan,
Who sported a number ten brogan;
He traded his shoe
For booming bazoo
And howled, with horrible hullaballoo,
.'Oh, list to the sound of my slogan!' "a
-Philadelphla Gall.
He went to Chicagos convention,
Which was found to be rife with contention;
In fret and . stew,
He beloved and blew,
Crying out in the loudest, most exquisite
81 lux,
5- -. IS