Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1884-03-21
MR.. SPuOPENDYKE.
He Dictates n Letter to Speck le wOttle.


He Dictates n Letter to speckIewottIe
Now. my dear said Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, when his wife had propped him
up in bed and stuffed some extra pill.
lows under his shoulders; now. my
dear, take your pen and ink and | will
dictate a letter to Specklewottle II
you will i'lav amanuensis | don't see
why | can't be sick just as well as not.
Mrs. Spoopendyke fiuttered around
and arranged her writing materials
Shall | write on a card with a gill
edge, or shall l take note paper?' she
asked.
You'd better use paper. replied Mr.
Spooisend Y.se sve.ely. w hen | wan,
to convey my ideas on a shingle I'll
carve 'em with knife. Now get rea,
dy, for I'm going to start, and don't
you interrupt me or you will put me
out
'All ready, DEAR murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into
the ink and contemplating her hus-
band anxiouslv.
'Mr. Peter B. Specklewottle,' COM
menced Mr.. Sp"opendyke
is his middle name 'B?' asked Mrs
Spoopendyke resting her album on
the table. her head on her hand and
testing her pen on the blotter. i
don't think | like kis name anyway.
Peter ism nice
'lf any other name occurs to you,
put it in observed Mr. Spoopendyke
With growl. You don't need to
hare mans right name in a letter.
Put in anything and hurry up, will
you: Going to keep me in suspense
all day about who this letter is going
to p
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for a mo-
ment. Now, I've got him in, dear
Got no in? Anybody know? Am
| debating private letter to stran-
ger: Got some pnrticular friend you
want this note to 60 to unbeknown to
me-: Who's in there? I'm going to
know who's at the top before | put my
name at the bottom
why, Mr.. Specklewottle, of course,
said she. looking at him with wide
open eyes. That's what you said.
Now 60 on with the rest
Have you got the date and dear
sir in too asked Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, peevishly, for he was trying to
think how he should start his letter.
No, dear, You didn't say anything
about those replied his wife. You
only SAID the name, but I'll put the
others in
Will, will ye p croaked Mr. Spoop-
endyke. Sticking on a great deal of
credit to yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt ye? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband Well, you can t
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in,
hear me p
But I've got EN- in,' pleaded Mrs
Spoopendyke.
Then strike 'em out y roared her
husband. 'S'poss I'm going to let you
put those things in and throw 'em up
in my face from the moment get we'll
till the day | die? Scratch 'em out
tell ye. don't propose to have my
life made miserable by reminders of
your kindness when | was fishing
around in the grave with one leg
Now what have you got?'
Peter B. Specklewottle,' said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, mentally satisfied there
could be no mistake in that.
Anything to show whether he's a
man or woman?' demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke, ANY Mrs or ESQ.,
hanging to it anywhere
Certainly replied Mrs. Spoopen.
dyke. 1t says Mr.. Peter B. Speckle-
wottle.' That's the way you told me
to write it, didn't you? Now 60 on
with the letter.
Then put; | am dying, and wish
you,
Great gracious.' calculated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping the pen.
You are not dying, dear you don't
want the man to think that? p
why not:' squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. 'S'pose a man is going fourteen
blocks out of his way to get the mail
for man who only has cold'in his
head? You put that I'm dying, or
III drop over in that corner and write
the whole letter with one application
of the inkstand =
Go on, DEAR cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. I've got it so; only he may
think it strange that dying man
should write to him.
Then say, i want you to get my
mail from the office, and tell them
will be over in day or two,' Got
that p
Yes giggled Mrs. spoopendyke.
Anything else?'
'What're you laughing at?' howled
Mr.. Spoopendyke, on whom the in
congruities of his letter had begun to
dawn. what have you got that meas
ly mouth of yours stretched out like a
dodgasted graveyard for? Think I'm
debating a comic almanac? Got a
notion that this letter is some kind of
a rebus? Well it amt, and it amt a
minstrel entertainment with funny
man at each end of it! What re
you laughing at? Anybody in this
country know
4 wasn't laughing, DEAR muttered
Mrs. Spoopendyke. Well when it
takes the form of a visage like you
screwed up minute ago | want to
be hung, instead Of being sympathized
with, Another time you open your
mouth like that I'm going to put seats