Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-07-25
FUN


dents OF Springwells had difficulty over
game of cards the other day, which re-
suited in the arrest of one for assault and
battery. When the case was called yes
terday the complainant took the stand te
explain how it happened.
s'You see, judge" he began, "we were
three points up.''
"What is point ?" blandIy inquired
the Court.
'Why, we were playing five-point eucre.
We each had three. A point counts one,
your Honor"
"Ah!n
He dealt, and it was my lead.''
"Deal-lead. Please explain"
"Why, he shuffied the cards and dealt the
hand. and it was my first play.''
'Well, go on. Perhaps [ can under
stand"
''l led the ace of diamonds, and he
trumped it with a club. That is, he re-
fused suit"
do you mean he refused to be sued ?''
::'No, sir. I'd like to explain this thing
to you, because it was about this suit we
had our fuss.''
mond down on the table. Did he grab
it ?''
HE trumped 1t with club
''Ah Did you see him carrying this
club around before you sat down to
play ?"
'Your Honor, I'd like to take pack of
cards and explain to you.''
mo use-n0 use. I've heard some of
the Aldermen speak about the right and
left bowers, and I've heard of jacks and
kings and aces, but it would be lost time
to try to show me. You don't seem to
have any case.''
"But this is because you don't under
stand me. When l charged him with re-
fusing suit he struck me in the mouth"
ibid, chi Well, there ism It any case to
speak of. The prisoner is discharged,
and you had better whack up the costs.''
'sAnd to think p groaned the counsel
for the plaintiff as he reached the side
walk, THAT only the evening before this
same j. 2. beat me out of seven glasses of
beer at that very game Of euchre, and I'll
take my solemn af1idavy that he stocked
the cards on me at least every other
hand pr Chicago Neavs,
SWEARING AFTER A PRAYER.-An ell
derly lady with delicate features and re-
fined manner entered the custom house
yesterday with timil steps. 1t was evident
that she had never been there before and
she seemed bewildered by the whirl, hustle
and CHATTER Of the rotunda. The door
keeper directed her to the desk where she
could transact her business. This was of
nature that required-as nearly every
thing at the custom house does-an oath.
You'll have tc swear to this. Madam
said the deputy collector to the old lady.
Her pious countenance became very
thoughtful and troubled at this announce
ment. She said nothing, but anxiously
watched the deputy collector make out his
papers, This done he said:
"Do you swear to this, Madam 2's
The old lady had clearly made up her
mind that it was necessary foE, her to pass
voice, she replied:
'GOd have mercy on me-Damn it,
The deputy collector wac dumfounded
by this reply, but glance at the lady as
sured him OF her sincerity. She had mis-
taken swearing" for profanity, and had.
actually believed that it was necessary for
her to utter ''swear word'' in ord er. to
get her papers.-N. Y. World.
SHE KNEW HENRY.--He had beesas very
k ind ard solicitous for several days.. and
at breakfast yesterday morning hssudden-
ly remarked:
my dear, you don't know Sad it makes
me feel to see you look so thin and care
worm"
''Yes,' she softly replied.
''You must have lost at least five pounds
in the last month ?''
81 presume so.''
"And that haggard expression shows
overwork and need of rest 2'' ~
"Yes."
"Dear nae but I never could forgive
myself if you should so into Decline"
"See here, Henry,s she replied, as she
laid down her fork and looked him square
in the eye. 'syou want to drop that If you
think you can pack me off to the country
For month and leave you to galIop
around here you have got hold of the
wrong end of the string !"
He sighed heavily, but made no reilly.
and yet as he stood on the corner waiting
for the car On his way to the Mopnanq
Call Office, and Smith asked him how his
wife was, he answered.:
picking right up, thank you. She's
gaining pound week right along, and
was never in better spirits. "-ClScaoo
NeaUs.
Wise father: "What!" Do you mean
that my daughter has eloped 7' Servant Il
SIT is too true, Sir.'' "Great JedeGhah /
Eloped My own daughter, too. Il istoo.
500 horrible" 1--WE are all in great dis
tress. Sir; but we could not stop. it, Sir. y
"Alas alas! 1t will bring down my era, "
hairs in sorrow to the grave. L ask NO W
only for death. When did, she leave ~,
'Last night at Il 'clock, Sir sOh. Y INV
Gid [ not warn her against that fer4aion
prince % "Bpt it was not the prince.
Sir.'a Mot the prince!' Then WHOM did
she elope with ?" ''Your family C, ZACH
man, Sir" sob, that is all right, NV
eoachman is respectable man. Send
them my blessing.''
A "fellow feeling" in your poes ct for
you purse does not make you, feel sswon.
drous kind" towards the feeler.
"No, it is not good taste for = vonng