Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-07-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

The carbunele's last---on my husbands
nose"
Sweet arc the uses Of adversely, but
most people prefer sugar.
The new society wrinkle that is
pronounced success: Pronunciation
matches.
Cultures: Parlor-maid Go Buttons)-
sYou vulgar boyi You should never
say 'ax. You should say 'hsrskr -
London Punch.
4 western journal says it is not able
10 see why q saloon should have more
influence than shocmaker's shop.
Why don't you take to loafing ground
in the other coDbler's shop and find
out?
In portions OF Mexico men, women
and children smoke cigarettes. That
Is one of the few countries where q
man can enjoy smoke without having
his wife lecture him for spending SO
much for tobacco.
George w. Gable, the novelist. is
called Meissonier of words by u Chi
cago paper. The Chicago paper doesn't
know what that means, but is confident
that it is y tone above any idea ever
grasped by St. Louis journalist. -AcW
Orleans Picay,tR.
A widow committed suicide in Bos-
ton the other day, and the last simple
and touching words which she penned
were, IF have taken Z. G.. Poor
Janer' remarked her sorrowing hus-
band when he heard the sad news,
green always was her color, and she
Just dotted on Paris. "
1t doesn't make any difference when
woman visiting lady friend Jumps
up off her chair and says, "Oh, dear
me, must 90; left the children all
alone, and throws on her bonnet and
shawl; that doesn't prevent her from
stopping out in the cold ut the front
door and talking half an hour with the
lady of the house.
Eleven thousand dollars worth of
ink was used by the postoflice depart
ment last year in stamping and cancel
ling letters. An economically disposed
person thinks that if the government
would permit cancelled stamps to be
reused, much of this expense might be
saved; but the government never did
20 very strong Oh economy Norris
t0i0B Heraid.
The pith of the Edmunds Mormon
law is that, if man has more than
one wife he shall not be allowed to
vote. 1t is doubtful if such disfran-
chsemcut can stand. Double marriage,
by the way, carries its own punishment
with it, 4 better way would be to let
all the wives vote for handsome gem
tiles That would soon knock the bot
tom out Of Mormonism.
Irving, in his farewell address at the
Star Theater, New York, said Ellen
Terry "by her ireside will often tell
of the kindness she received from the
American people, whereupon the
practical Springfield RcpaJittan is re-
minded Of Macaulay's Lay of Hora-
thus. y and fanciCs how oft
With weeping anG laughter,
Still is the Story told
How well Miss Terry stirred the YUnks
And got their gracious gold.
Several gentlemen from different
states were discussing the merits of
their particular homes. kansas is a
great state We raise sixty bushels of
corn and two hundred bushels of pota-
toes to the acre said man from Kan
sas. But have you Kansas people
any market for your producer asked
man from Connecticut. Certainly
they have" responded an envious
Texan. "They raise enough grasshop-
pers and potGto-bugs TO eat up ten
times the corn and potatoes they can
raise.
Fame is an uncertain possession. A
gentleman well known in the literary
world was presented To lady the other
evening ut q fashionable gathering.
Your name seems very familiar, "
remarked the young lady. Perhaps. "
minated the friend who had made the
presentation, you have seen it in
print" Perhaps / have, replied the
lady, plaintiyely, "but ] thought | must
nave soen it on sign; | am so forget
ful, d" Tableaui during which the gentle
men exchanged explosive and reproach-
fill chances, and the lady looked
wanderiugly at both.
The performances Of the locomotive
whistle We are told have been systema-
tized on o western railroad. Seven
whistles are to indicate down brakes,
thlrty-two whistles, up brakes forty
Whistles and two snorts, u "back-up."
The instructions add; In case of
doubt, whistle like the d---l;' at the
street crossings, whistle consdera-
bly, Again Always whistle before
dinner Require the fireman to keep
the whistle valve open during dinner.
After dinner, whistle and squirt water,
hen back up. Then 80 ahead with q
whistle, a squirt and ring.
some husbands are too solicitous
bout the health OF their wives. While
Walking on Austin avenue Mrs. Duzen-
bury stopped il front Of the show win
dow Of millinery store and eXclaim-
~ "What beautiful assortment of
hats" Come on, quick, Louisa. You
viii catch cold and die if you stand still
on that grating after you have been
Walking fast. I can / let you take such
risks, said the careful, affectionate
husband; and before Mrs. Duzenbury
could decide what kind Of bonnet to
select she was hurried past the danger
Gus spot
alugwump' IS a new slang word in