Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-08-07
THE DUDE.
A Faithful Portrait of a Homa.w.a.
Specimen.
H. r.

Specimen.
"Do they make you tired ?n
"Well, / should hum"
The question and its metaphoricaI
i but vigorously expressive answer were
inspired by the presence of a Detroit
4 dude Ga genuine specimen ofthe species)
in Griswold street barber shop The
person who proposed the question was
a gentleman who subsequently ex-
/ planned that the sight of dude or even
dudeling (who merely parts his hair
In the middle), had almost as marked
an effect on him as water has on a dog
affected with hydrophobia.
Il git quite procesh of them things
In my chair" continued the barber.
with a curious nervous movements
cross between a chuckle and shudder
but jest as soon's warm weather
comes I'm goin' to rattle EN- out. now
don't you forget it."
why? Are they not profitable Gus
tomers?"
"Not muchl There's that little Teller
that just went out. We call him Lizzie
here in the shop--when he amt around
because he's more like girl goin' to
her first ball than man. / don't
'spose he's more'n 90 years old, but his
git-up's killer. He come in here the
night of the swell skatin' party at Nc
Quade's rink, with claw-hammer coat
on under taller new market you
know, that pretty nearly dragged on
the ground, white handkerchief spread
out under his vest, and the darndest
toothpicky pair of toothpick shoes on l
ever got onto-and I've seen some
tough ones in my time. l was waitin'
on customer, and so this Teller he set
down in that very chair you're in now.
hauled out one-eyed eye-glass, stuck
it into his right eye, screwed up the
right-hand corner of his mouth and
made outs if he was readin'. Mr..
Merryweather, there, laughed so much
he's been sick ever since.
when, get through with my reg
ular customer / tried to fish I'D an ex-
cuse to git out of the shop, but the
dude got onto me and l was stuck. I
had to bang his hair, then part it down
the middle a little ways and then plaster
it and bring the ear-locks forward.
After that he wanted a d-glass, and
then | had to arch up his eye brows,
which he wouldn't let me do till he'd
stuck that one-eyed glass in again"
well, you made at least dollar on
the iob?"
SCOT jest twenty-five cents. Why,
every time that Teller and his kind
comes around they want the ends of
their hair trimmed and don't never
30 e., /
either"
"What is your observation with re-
spect to the intellectual strength of
men who part their hair in the middle 2"
"Oh, that depends. We git Canucks
and Englishmen here sometimes who
do that and yet who seem to have horse
sense; but when it comes to our own
country folks Americans | mean, not
Africans,) the fellers that part their
hair in the middle don't amount to q
hill of beans can't talk about anything
but clothes and hair oil with now'n then
an exception bout gals. Never saw one
of them cusses that didn't think every
gal he knowed was dead gone on him,
and I'll bet money not one of 'em could
tell to save his soul when the May
flower come over or whether Abe Lin
coin or Bismarck issued the emancipa-
ton proclamation"
Here Mr.. Merryweather seized the
opportunity to remark that none O.
them dudes dast go to the roller skatin'
Kinks for fear all the ladies'd be after
'em to skate to fast music, and that'd
sweat their bangs all out"
"S-s-s-h!" commanded the boss as an
other dudelet swung open the door and
came simpering along to the enemy's
chair"
The boss winked wickedly, Mr.. Merry
weather stuffed one fist into his mouth,
the historian of the episode paid for
two weeks shines and the curtain drop.
ped. Detroit Free Press.