Dodge City times., 1884-06-26
WANTED, A WIFE.


WANTED, A WIFE.
Jack Hornby, of Brazenface College,
Oxford, had just finished his usual after
breakfast pipe, on the last day of the
summer term, 1880, when his attention
was arrested by sharp rap at his door,
Immediately followed by the entrance
of the well-dressed person of his college
friend, Methven.
Come along in,' said Hornby, '.and
light yourself pipe"
mo, thank We, can't stop,'' replied
Methven, las l have lot to do this
morning; but l thought would just
run across and tell you bit of news.
have just arranged glorious hoax, at
the expense, l need hardly say, of old
Crofton. He has become too cute late
ly to be caught by our old time -honored
Jokes, and SO have arranged the fol-
lowing plan: A week ago I inserted in
the agony column of the Morning Ad-
rertiser glowing matrimonial adver-
tisement in which l stated that the ad-
vertiser, who was handsome, rich and
all that sort of thing, desired to meet
with pretty and accomplished girl
with view to matrimony. All appli-
cants were to send their photographs:
the replies to be sent to H. c., No. Isl
st. Giles, Oxford that's the house
where my scout lives, and so, of course,
told him to bring me any letters thus
addressed. l got no reply for day or
so, but four days ago received letter
from a certain damsel. who described
herself as young, handsome and accom-
Plished, inclosed me the photograph of
q very pretty girl, ended bv asking
me when and where l should meet her
in town, and signed herself Miss l.. Ber-
nard, Piccadilly Circus Post-office: she
also expressed desire to have the ad-
vertiser's photograph, so l promptly
sent her that of old Crofton, which he
had lately given me, and said l would
write tonight when and where l should
meet her; so my scheme is, to somehow
induce CroftOn to meet this girl she
will of course recognize him by the
photograph l have sent. will probably
rush into his arms. the kangaroo will
be utterly overpowered, and there will
be an interesting denouemem. Now,
Hornby, don't you think that a mag
innocent piece OF Strategy?'
'.No, indeed, DON'T" said Hornby;
Il think it is an internal shame; and,
what's more, have half mind to 90
and tell the kangaroo of the hoax"
''Oh, come now" said Methven,
you'd never do that, Jack, | know.
Well! l can't stay ary longer, so good
bye for the present"
There is not the very slightest doubt
that, if the fates had not interviewed,
Hornby would have gone straight to
Crofton and warned him of the impend-
ing hoax, and this story would never
have been written; but, as it happened,
no sooner had Methven gone out of
Hornby's rooms than in rushed the Sec
retary of the College Cricket Club in a
state of breathless anxiety; there was
match at 11:30; it was now eleven
o'clock. and he could get together only
eight men. So Hornby was promptly
enlisted, and by the time the match was
over Methven and his scheme had en-
tirely faded from his not too retentive
memory. Methven, in the meantime,
had gone straight to Crofton's rooms.
Now, this Crofton, who was about to
fall victim to Methven's wiles, was
the son of large Australian sheep
farmer. and had come up to Brazen-
face the previous October. Like most
colonists who have not been to school
in England, he was very simple and un-
sophisticated; and though the kangaroo.
as he was generally called, was very
popular, he was constantly being made
the victim of small practical Jokes, most
of which were originated by Methven.
who was the professional hoaxer of
Brazenface. He always forgave them
heartily, and joined in the laugh him.
self. However. his one wears resi-
dence in college had opened his ewes
little. and being naturally anything but
fool. his friends found it not quite so
easy to take him in now, as it used to
oe, and several attempts having lately
failed, Methven, to sustain his Gwin-
ding reputation as a joker, had con-
cocted the plan he had just disclosed to
Hornby. He found the genial giant
busily packing his traps ready for going
down the next day. After chatting a
moment or two the tempter began:
''As you re going to town tomorrow,
want you to do me little favor. 1
promised to meet a girl, a cousin of
mine, Tomorrow. We each had got
an order for the House of Commons,
aud ] was to have escorted her, and as
we meant to have little lunch together
1t Lucas before we went in, we had ar
ranged to meet at quarter past two at
the Westminster Bridge landing pier,
that being place where we cou,dn' pos
sibly miss each other. Now, as bad luck
will have it the dean has sent for me to
see him after collections, so that can't
let the girl know, because she's away
on a visit for day or two to some
friends. whose address have forgotten,