The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1884-08-13
wTT AND HUMoR.

In the social circles of the chicken
yard the lines are distinctly drawn, for
each hen has her own set.
Snoring is common complaint
Though clothes-pins can be manufact-
ured at the rate of 25 for cent
Auglomaniacs may not care much
/ for q royal cup of coffee, but they are
lfond Of royalties. = Philadelphia CaA
i've got my-lay-Tia again, . cackled
n ben as she looked down on an egg in
! the nest she had just left.-Merchant
Trdueter.
The cultured maiden from Boston
wrote to herfriend that she had just
Deen to hear Mr.. Joseph Emmett sing
@Piqne-a bout"
Yes. boy may be a messenger boy
and still possess lots of that sterling
i quality called sand. But it is not
quieksand Puck.
I Il always keep my weather rye
handy" as the man said when he ex-
posed the little black bottle in his
coat. -Harathoa Independent.
David thought he was doing a big
| thing when he slew the giant Goliah
with a sling. That's nothing. The
modern sling, of American gin, has
killed its thousands.
What does Good Friday mean?"
asked one Halsted street urchin of his
companion. You'd better go home
| and read your Robinson Crbsoe, "
was the withering reply.
A person being asked what was
meant by realities of life, answered:
Real estate, real money, and a real
| good dinner, none of which can be re-
allied without real hard work"
1t is computed that flash of light
ming lasts only one millionth part of a
second. This is the same period of
time that is required by Louisville
editor to accept an invitation to take
drink.
''My, daughter, you ought to have
some aim in life" said Burlington
father to his thoughtless 16-year-old.
20. am going TO, papa, p" was the en-
thusiastic reply. 81 have got my beau
alreadyn'
A conundrum friend asks: "What
is the difference between Italy and
boy who has a penehant for shining
| up trces?" AS if we didn't know that
one is sunny cline and the other a
c.imb-y son!
A man out in Kentucky has found
| that tobacco shortens human life. A
hogshcad of the weed fell on him and
! crushed him out of existence. This
proves that tobacco, in large quantities,
is very injurious.
What is the difference between a wo-
man who decks herself in many knots
of ribband, and one who patiently en-
dures misfortune? One wears her
| bows and the other bears her woes
Yoakcrs Gazette.
A sporting journal says: Nothing
| can well look worse than one horse
dragging five or six people. 1t will
occur to some persons that one horse
dragging ten or dozen people would
look ''twiee as worse.
A French chemist has discovered by
process of incubation preventive
of hvdrophobia. A Norristown man is
trying to secure some of the virus. He
says that everytime he goes home late
at night he finds his wife mad.
A Texas man has invented a ma
chine for washing dishes. If it doesn't
demand five nights week out, not
surreptitiously borrow its mistress
best bonnet for an afternoon promen-
ade, the probabilities are that it will
be in demand.
..Arc YOU familiar with BryantP"
asked young lady of timid young
man whom she was trying to draw
out. ''Oh, yes" he replied proudly,
frightening up. Il graduated ut one
of his business colleges.
One thing to tho credit OF Kansas
CITY is that she is the only city in this
country of 100000 population that has
tno professional baseball club. The
grown people of this metropolis are too
busy to sit in tho sun and listen to
eighteen men quarreiing with an UNI
pire.-Kansas City Journal.
Little Emma came running into the
parlor. where her mother was enter
, tanning Young Mr.. Duder until Miss
Mary could complete her toilet and
come downstairs. and cried out: "oh,
, mamma! Johnny is dot Mary teei
and won't giHe 'em to her. ="
doctor, want to thank you for
your great patent medicine. I'll
, helped you, did it?' asked the doctor,
/ very much pleased. at helped me
e wonderfullv.'' '.How many bottles
e did YOU find it necessary to take?
/ ssOh, l didn't take any of it. My uncle
5 took one bottle. and am his sole
{ heir. IN Y San.
]. mo-" said Mrs. Lookabout, g
: don't like to have my husband drink
f but then, you know. it's really neces
i sary. Pray, how should / have founc
5 out. if he didn't, that Mrs. Browning
Y husband spends half his time in
r groCshop. or that Mr.. Tansy visit
r Julep's saloon three times day jus
e as regular as the day comes rounds g'-
a Boston Transcript.
le Ethel-"Oh! isn't it lovely. Th'
e paper says that huge mastiffs are to b
e the pet dogs for young ladies this seas
N ON Eudora-'sThat's just too swee
n for ANYTHING. Why, mastiff is almos
le as big as pony" Ethel-"Yes
1t won't it be IovelyP When dear Al
ID phonso gets tired promenading with M
II by moonlight alone | can lift him U
3. and let him ride on the mastih.
II A famous mollah at Cabul haYin
re declared the use of tobacco to be cor
q trary to the Mohammedan law, III
Is Ameer has submitted the question to
council Of mollahs from all parts OF tn
country. If their decision be again:
We the indulgence in tobacco, its use
,ir Afghanistan will be prohibited. IN
he AFGHAN tobacco-dealers ought to rails
ct, a purse and endeavor to mollahfy tins
N, mollah.-Drake's Travellers Magazlta
er They were standing at tho frol
be rate. ..How bright the moon is t
20, NIGHT, George, dearl'' she said. Yes,
Ter re1lied George, sit is 4 perfect eyel
y, inr.'' DO you put any faith in N
an Wiccin's alleged discovery of anotbt
Mt mooT-a dark moon?" she aske'
ed ..Wcll. hardly know what to thin
nd ahout the matter. Such a discover
on nav be possible. But / don't know
est n fact. 7 he continued, frankly, ''wht
ay was at college ] never paid any
nl- tenlion to botany"
ny Early Yesterday morning piece
Ire wl,ite naper fiuttcred on the door Of
IN Murray street paint shop, with the K
"a lowing inscription; Il have gone Q
ng for half an hour, Viii be back 500
@ Have been gono twenty minutes
. ready,n Half an hour later the VIII
ran ID out Of bTeath and explained,
he drew on 3 pair Of paint-smirch'
=. oyeralis, that he expected man II
-. - nav him some money and was afra
- - ia would not wait If he knew how loi
= - he would be gone ~ 7. Actns.
e. A Young man and his girl who We
sl,a IN an Al. excursion the other day ent'
Fl. 81 an ice-crcam parlor. ordered creal
I anfl after IL was brought waited 50 10
"a sl,ef tte r,arty who served them vel
70 nrad -r. "a ask Il there was anythi
les. wrong. guess hoAs 1sPLlsa
our young man. Nv men We came a
his saw folks in the front room eallng g
as wafer with spoons. ah4 Hs Mste ~
ver ing so see if you'd bring forks for us