The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-01-17
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WIT AND HUMOR.

s.He never saw one Jump at a chance,
I guess" remarked Clark to Blooms.
Yes" says Mrs. Parvenu, ''vre have
taken a shattoe at Newport on Maria
account-she's &c, you know, and we
will entertain in as hospitable style
as any of the others"
The director of matrimonial agency
in Paris says the young girls ask OILY.
"Who is hep the young willows,
What is his position?" the old wi
dows, where is heP'
A contemporary talks of Fighting
polygamy with words" But it is un-
necessary to say that words can have
no deterrent effect upon the man who
has half-a-dozen wives in his family
Boston Transcript.
Disraeli said short time before his
death: ''You cannot convert $1,000
into 10000 tons" This will cause ice
dealers to smile until the corners of
their mouths get tangled up on the
backs of their necks.
4 man in Syracuse, whose neck was
dislocated by fall, has had the neck
set and is in fair way to recover. It
will be well for the sheriffs of our pro-
gressive country to do their hanging
pretty thoroughly hereafter. Graphic.
A Texas editor apologies to the pub
lie for breach of the peace, mentions
several citizens in a complimentary
way for having saved his life, and says:
Whisky, after all, was at the bottom
of it,"
"a Fortune Awaiting a Tramp" is
the title of an article in contemporary.
1t is no more than just. So many
tramps have been waiting for fortune
so many years that it is no more than
right that fortune should now wait for
tramp.-Boston Transcript.
Married men can not be too careful
A Philadelphia woman is going to APP
ply for divorce because she found a
hairpin in his pocket, ard yet he is
willing to swear that he only used it in
stead of single nail to temporarily
replace a suspender button.
Excited lover: what does this
mean, mademoiselle? What do / read
in this letter? AT 2 o'clock tomorrow
| will throw myself at your feet y
Mademoiselle, who never loses pres
ence of mind: ''You horrible, jealous
old darling-it's simple enough-is's
only my corn Doctor
"Yes," said the deacon, "that cow is
badly hurt and wouldn't bring S..
But shall get more for her. A party
of swell city fellows are coming down
here to hunt, and shall put her up in
the scrub-pine lot and tell them deer
abound up there. Oh, she's as good
as sold for $50.-BOSton Post.
Inebriated individual, embracing q
telephone pole, while very small boy
is chasing his hat which has blown off
and gone rolling down the street.
Small boy returns: Here, mister,
here's yer hat" Inebriated but CRATE
full individual ''Thanksh, Thanksh.
Won't you have cigarP''-Loa0eU Git
zen.
81 wish I was STAR" he said, smil-
ing at his own poetic fancy. Il would
rather you were comet" she said in
dreamy tone that made mis- pulse
quicken with hope. ''And why" he
asked with suppressed anxiety. "Oh, "
she replied, in freezing tone, eff you
were comet you would only come
AOuho OuSO III 1,cOO JOdio.
Why it kicks: A member of the
New York Phonetic Club writes to this
able and influential journal, asking US
to ''drop the final ue in words so end
ing, and spell dialog, epilog, etc., etc. "
Well, we kick. We are willing to drop
the ue to limited extent, but when the
New York Language Club asks us to
spell glue, 81, we protest.-Burlimgtoa
H0oOkeye.
They were returning home from the
theatre, and had nearly reached her
home when the young man observed:
"Isn't the weather cold and rawp"
She must have misunderstood him.
''Raw," she said, rather hesitatingly.
Eyes. l like them raw, but" she con-
tinued, looking sweetly in his eyes,
''don' t you think they are nicer friedP"
What could he do?
YES" remarks a traveller, "when a
man is in Rome he should do as Rom
ans do. Now, when l am in New York,
to be in style, l always instruct the
barber to part my hair in or near the
middle; when in Chicago, on one side;
in Omaha, under one ear; and on far
and the Pacific coast, l don't have it
parted at all. IN Y Commercial i'd
yertiSer.
Mr.. Blimber asked his wife at the
breakfast table the other morning if
she had heard of the new theory about
the origin of life at the poles. Mrs.
Blimber answered that she had not,
but from the picturesque appearance
of Mr.. Blimber's countenance when he
came home last election night she
judged that the polls were about the
liveliest spots he had ever struck.
Eyes" said Sylvia, Hats the mean
est girl / ever did see! She knows |
think young Mr.. Tawmus is just too
lovely for anything, and 1 think she's
of the same opinion. Well, was lean
ing out of the window the other day,
and Mr.. Tawmus passed, and / smiled.
Would you believe it? Hat had set
of her aunt's false teeth in her pocket,
and, just as l smiled, she dropped
them out of the window. MIR. Tawmus
didn't see her, as she was behind me,
and what could he have thought"
The Boston Journal relates this evil
dence of youthful precocity: SIN one
of our horse cars small boy was OBJ
served to be suddenly agitated, but re-
gained his self control after a few
moments. Soon after the conductor
appeared and asked for fares. When
| he stood before the small boy there
was slight pause, and the passengers
were surprised to hear the following;
'Pleathe charge it to my papa. I've
thwallowed the money -
This from the Boston Post: Some
body says: ''If the Queen raises Ten
nyson to the peerage we do not see
| why she should not make lords of Bret
Harte, Mr.. Lowell and Henry James,
Jr." What's the need in the latter
case? When James approaches people
exclaiyo. ooh Lord ~ Come tn thin I