Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-04-23
ARTFUL D0DGES.


The truth of the aphorism that
"Crime does not pay is SO generally
recognized and so frequently made evil
dent, that one is almost tempted to
wonder at the existence of criminals at
all. For although it is sometimes said
that the clever rogues are those who are
never found out, yet it may safely be
asserted that career of crime general
w leads to detection and punishment,
whether the evil-doer be skillful in eva
sion of the law or not; and since wrong
full act successfully executed is almost
certain to encourage its perpetrator to a
repetition OF it when an opportunity
arises, one may assume that malprac-
tees are more likely TO become habit
ual, and TO entail their just reward
through the carelessness bred of immu-
nifty, in the case of clever knaves than
of clumsy ones. Nevertheless, there
seems TO be some terrible fascination
with n certain class of people in dishon-
esty for its own sake.
The ingenuity displayed in some of
the instruments displayed by coiners and
burglars, often involving the applica-
ton of elaborate scientific principles,
and the patient industry and persever-
ance with which nefarious schemes are
matured and carried out, are qualities
which, in their legitimate exercise,
would realize for their possessor an in
come beyond any gains that his unlaw-
full endeavors can bring, even were
these devoid &C risk and not liable to
failure. We read, for instance, of q
clipping-macntne by means Of which the
body of sovereign is separated from
the entitled rim which encircles it, n
thin slice cut out of the center, leaving
the two faces intact, the loss supplied by
an amalgam, and the coin then dexter
ously put together again so that neither
&c weight nor the ring of it is great
" altered. One would imagine that the
amount of gold thus obtained would
hardly cover the working expenses at
best, the profit must yield a much lower
percentage on the invested capital than
what it would return in honest business.
1t is surprising, also, TO note
what charm small frauds have
for people not usually included
in the criminal classes; and nowhere is
this eXemplified to greater extent than
in the passion for petty smuggling
which seems inherent in the breast of
travelling humanity. Men who would
scorn to make an imperfectly obliterat-
ed postage-stamp do duty second
time, and whose integrity in all other
affairs of life is unimpeachable, will
plot and plan all sorts of cunning de-
vices by which they cheat Her Males
tvs Custom House, and will even spend
a., l.. 4.
of the officers in running" cigars and
spirits which they do not want, than
they would have to pay for legal duty.
Possibly the laws delay-or the delay
which it occasions-may afford some
cause if not excuse, for this; the weary
waiting and vexation of soul attending
the baggage-search being the most dis
agreeable incident of voyage.
Marvellous are the lodges which have
been resorted TO in this connection.
Stuffed animals in glass cases have ex-
hibited, on dissection by inquisitive
tide walters, a beautiful adaptation of
the taXidermists art to the tobacco
merchants interests; weakened black
and tan terriers have been enveloped
with yards of rich, delicate lace, wound
round their bodies, and, provided with a
shaggy outer skin, have, in the guise of
fat poodles, been carried ashore in the
arms of their affectionate owners.
Ladies' chignons and Spanish onions
have formed receptacles for gold watch
es and precious stones. A list of all the
things which have been "hollowed out"
with intent to deceive would make q
catalogue as long as one of Messrs.
Christie 81 Manson's. We often meet
with baser metals colored or plated to
counterfeit gold; but for the purpose of
evading import duty, solid gold vases
and other ornaments have been bronzed
over and packed carelessly amongst
straw in rough crates, like iron pots and
kettles. Occasionally, through some
mishap, these bronzed articles appear to
have gone astray, masquerading through
society in their humble character for q
considerable time before their real value
has been discovered, and meeting
with many curious adventures. A
similar method of concealment, how
ever, was practiced with regard to gold
plate in olden times, when the sacking
of monasteries, and high-handed confis-
cation of wealth in all quarters, were in
vogue.
Tobacco, manufactured or in the
shape of cigars, and spirituous perfumes
are more frequently brought TO light
from strange hiding-places by the ex-
else searches than any other forbidden
fruit; and the would-be smuggler must
have all his wits about him nowadays
TO effect his object. False-bottomed
boxes are quite out of date; though a
cage of innocent-looking pigeons from
Antwerp proved on examination the
other day TO be thickly carpeted with
cakes of tobacco, over which quantity
of gravel and corn, appropriate to the
feathered occupants, had been strewn.
Mr.. Frank auckland used to relate
an anecdote of a traveller coming from
America who "passed" some hundreds
of cigars successfully through the Liv-
erpool Custom House by placing live
rattlesnake in the chest to mount guard
over them. Evasion of the law in this
particular has brought its own punish.
ment more than once; for men who
have padded themselves with tobacco
underneath their clothing have died
from absorption of the nicotine. Spirits
are rarely struggled by stratagem, ow.
ing TO their low value in comparison
with bulk and weight, and the difficulty
of sitting the characteristic bubbling
"clink" Of liquid when shaken; and
the coast-guard preventive service has
well nigh demolished the old trade Of
landing large quantities from boats
Certain jars or kegs, labeled "Speci'
mens-with great care-To the Curator
4 the British Museum" have turned