The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-01-06
MIR. SPOOPENDYKE.
HOW HIS SPOUSE FITTED HIN OUT FOB
A DUCK HUNTING EXCURSION.

dyke. gently, "can's you pack q va
lise for me. Specklewettle and 1 are
going duck hunting. now that the
other fellows are all hcme."
"Oh, my" squealed Mrs. spoop-
endyke, dropping her crazy quill, in
ell directions. promise me Won
won't take a gum"
whats the matter with the wo.
man?" inquired Mr.. Spoopendyke,
losing bis oheeriulpess and cycling his
wife critically. "a gun! what dye
s'pose we'd DO with guns. No, we
take salt, Mrs. Spoopendyke; salt, |
say. and we climb trees and lay it on
their tails. We're after the breed OF
ducks that roost in treetops like dod-
gasted owl. Understand"
"Oh!" murmured his wife, resum-
ing her effort of working iorget-me-
nots with green silk. "That is much
nicer, and then they won't be fall of
little bullets like those you bought
last week. But be caret ul il it SHOWS,
and come home. The paper Says
''Dod CAST what the paper SAYS %
snorted Mr.. 5poopendyke. with
your knowledge of the weather and
the science OF gunnery, you only
need less intellect and Q little more
pocket money to be whole signal
service. But-see here, did your
paper say anything about a gifted
female getting her husbands valise
packed ty the next presidential cleo.
tion?"
Certainly DEAR" responded Mrs.
spoopendyke. Juggling at the huge
bag her husband brought in. and
finally placing it on the table. 'Now
what will you tske?"
"fake!" rosred Mr.. Spoopendy ke.
''take!" be repeated ss the enormity
of bis wife's obstinscy and ignorance
began to dawn upon him. Just pu,
me up 9 swallow-tsil coat and q Re-
vised edition. CHICK ia linen buster
and prayer book; remember q prayer
book apd Lot a measly old hymn
book. These ducks we're after are
all OF the English church and won'i
stand any iooling on the articles oil
faith"
That's right" he yelled. as hi:
obedient wife jammed down toe dress
coat; that's the kind of a wife.
Don't suppose those ducks'll De any
more impressed by my appearance
iu a hunting coat. Don't imagine
for an instant that those olrGs VI i'll
know the difference between Spoop-
endyks with frozen ears and q straw
hat and all those traps I've wasted
wealth on to protect my health"
'sAnd you'll need your new slip
pers." continued Mrs. spoopendyke,
medatively. her finger on her lips,
snd your new tie with polka dcts-''
you've hit it nowl" yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke. springing up like ball.
you've got it. I'm going out to a
we'll entertainment. These ducks
are going to give a New England
dinner, land Henry Ward Beecher and
| are going to make speeches On the
advancement of duck and the evolu-
ton of fowl. Say. Mrs. Spoopendyke,"
continued her husband, dropping
into a ierocious calm. ''do you think
those ducks are giving German out
IN the swamps or indulging in Italian
opera in the marshes of Long Island?
Well, they're moi; and they're not
giving measly church soci-
able either. Consequently, Mrs
Spoopendyke, I'll be forced to ask
you to pack that receptacle as l shall
dictate" and Mr.. Spoopendyke flung
himself into q chair and glared,
while his wife proceeded to pack un-
der his instruction.
"Where are you going to pu!
that?" be demanded, as his wife care
fully folded bis shooting-coat.
why. here in the bottom. be.
Cause"
mo you DON'T" interrupted Mr..
Spoopendyke. 81 want that on top
where it will be handy. snd-what
are you doing with that?' be ejacu-
lated, as Mrs. Spoopendyke picked
up box of cigars.
"Why, dear. I'll Put these at the
bottom and the lighter articles
''Not if Sloependyke is in full pos
session of his faculties. i want that
and my bottle OF brandy on top in
case of accident. Think l am going
to ish forty days and forty nights as
did the prophet of old, for those
necessities of life? Think 1 am going
to perch all night in a tree like dod-
gasted woodchuck just because you
won't put my clothes where l can
find them?'
But. my deer, "plesdedMrs. Spoop
endyke. "they can't all 90 on top"
"Can't. eb?" bawled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. leaping from his chair. "Can't
have my own buds where they'll pre-
tect me from the wintry bIasts?' and
he commenced playing football with
his wife's quilt.
bring me the messly idiot that
said man was king in his own
CASTLE" and he made a Few depart
ure in spat!er work as Mrs. Spoopen-
dykes inkstand struck the wall.
'Show me the relic of the stone age
that claimed a woman was born to
corn fort and command and last in