The Democratic advocate., 1884-06-07
Expecting Too Much.
Philadelphia Ledger.

H
There is one very common mode of op4
preston, which is, however, seldom recog-
nized as such-that of expecting too much
from others. To fulfill the expectations
that are held of us is natural and legiti-
mate desire, and it often furnishes strong
impulse to effort in various directions.
And if persons are intelligent and sympa-
thetic enough to form those expectations
within the limits of possibility, even very
high standard may be held with beneficial
results. There are some natures especially
who will, by such motive, be spurred on
to exertions, and will reach point of ex-
cellence that they could otherwise have
never obtained.
Yet it is also true that many of us, not
exercising sufficient judgment or imagina-
tion to determine rightly those limits, are
really, though perhaps unconsciously, in
juring Others by expecting of them what
they cannot possibly render. We smile at
the Ignorance of the child, who regards his
father as omnipotent, and expects him to
perform impossibilities on his behalf; but
the father, with all his experience, often
expects equal impossibilities from the child.
Nervous and irritable, he perhaps demands
from him quietude wholly foreign to his
nature; or, full of ambition, he exacts a
progress in his school life beyond his power
to attain; or, rigid in his ideas, he looks for
mature virtues where there can be but tiny
blossoms. Whatever be the impossibility
that he requires, only discouragement to
the child and disappointment to himself can
ensue. e 7r-s., -,,
To the merchant who overates the abili-
ties of his clerk, the professor who chafes
at the slow mental workings of his class,
the master machanic who requires from his
men skill they have never had opportunity
to gain, the mistress who expects high ex-
cellence from an unframed girl, are all
sowing seeds of discord, discouraging hon
est effort and hindering the natural prog
ress that the consciousness of fulfilling ex-
pectations fosters.
Those who are engaged in charitable
work are often heedlessly expressing in one
way those whom they are helping in another.
They expect industry and economy from
people who have been brought up under
the shadow of Ignorance, Incidence and
thriftlessness; they require patience, good
temper and forbearance under difficulties
which would overwhelm themselves they
look for gratitude and affection from hearts
that have had everything to harden and
rear them. When they find, instead of
these almost impossible things, the natural
results of birth, education and surround
ings, they do not attempt to conceal their
displeasure and disappointment, and often
by unwise censure or cold advice do more
harm than all the good they have effected
by their material assistance.
1t is not, however, only the poor or the
subordinate who are thus oppressed, Many
expect too much from neighbors and ac-
qqaintances, relatives, friends and lovers.
We often claim that which they cannot
giYe-thoughtfulness from the light and
gay, polish of manners from the rough and
uncouth, freedom and gayety from the
scholar buried in his books, eager enthusi=
asm from the dull, and the calmness of
cool reason from the jealous and excited.
Then, too, we let our egoism demand that
our friends shall take an interest in what
interests us, regardless of the difficulty we
find in doing the same thing We push
our pet theories or our favorite topics upon
their attention, and if they do not gain
ready response, we shrink back into our
selves, forgetting how unjust it is to require
from our friends that which we ourselves
are either unable or unwilling to bestow
upon them in return.
The sphere of our affections is one in
which we are very apt to expect too much
from others, and thus to cause bitterness
and often estrangement. Where We love
we naturally crave to be loved, but this
craving, if not regulated by reason, is very
likely to blossom into selfish oppression.
Too often we demand more affection than
we give, more than we deserve, more than
is possible for us to receive. We do not
make allowance for differences of tempera-
ment, differences of taste, differences of at
traction. In the domain of affection, if no
where else, there must be absolute liberty.
The slightest tyranny, even that of expecta-
ton, is fatal to the life of love; and her
richest treasures will be showered upon
those who are generous enough to give
literally asking for nothing again.
Let us then endeavor in every sphere Of
life to moderate our expectations, so as
neither to oppress and dishearten those who
are anxious tofulill them, nor to afiict our
selves by continual disappointments. AS
we cannot gauge justly the possibilities of
others, nor measure their powers accurately
by any standard of our own, let us be modest
in our requirements and reticent in our
claims, thus winning them on through hope
and courage to higher efforts and better
laadu