Daily Republican., 1884-02-14
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

ICnlCkenB. Inc OlO man lntuo OUT
clear case, describing his chickens as q
peculiar Spanish breed, of which ht
was sole owner In that section. The de.
fendant's lawyer, on getting up t
ss-examine the old man ,sternly said
|" Uncle Nose, you claim nobody else
has any of those chickens but you. Now,
what wsuld you say if l were to tell
]you that have half dozen of them in
my back yard At this very time ?'
lowell, boss" responded Uncle Nose,
/" l should say dat dere t'ief had paid
you yer fee wild my chickens That en-
ded the crOss.
"That gentleman at the piano Is
Professor Keymasher d" said Mrs. Grim
sonbeak, to the lady sitting next to her,
in response to an inquiry while at a
public rehearsal of the Pbilaccordeon
Society last week. "Well, l can t say
that | think much of his paying"
replied the lady, frankly. "Why,
bless my SOUL" exclaimed the surprised
Mrs. Crimsonbeak she is one of the
finest performers In our society, and be-
sides he is composer" "a what?"
interrogated the stranger. "A com:
poser" replied Mrs. q. "Well, all
have to say Is that it would take better
playing than that to compose me-. 1t
makes me frantic"
A New Jerseyman who was out TO a
friendly meeting, tarrying rather too
long at the beer-mug, bought q glass Of
chestnuts ola peddler, intending to
make his wife believe he had got lost
In the woods while out nutting. "Here's
| some of the (hic)-the cbestnuts now,
If you don't (hic)-don't bleev it,"
said he. The wife seized the nuts, and,
gazing on them minute, looked him
square in the eye and took his very
breath away from him-strong as it
was by exclaiming: "You wretch,
they're boiled!'
"Oh, pa, there is an awful fight
around the corner - Yes?" said pa,
indifferently. "And one man has chew.
ed the others ear Off g Yes ?" " a nd
the other man has shot off his pistol and
killed baby"' Poor baby" yawn-
ed pa. " Amt you goin' round here??"
Presently" replied pa. In short
time everything became quiet, and pa
rushed frantically around the corner
and arrested an old woman for selling
matches without license. Pa was a
policeman.
"Don't you thiuk she's pretty?"
said fond mother to the father, az she
stroked the baby's silken hair. The
father was in a sulking mood something
had disagreed with him. and he replied
somewhat curtly "Oh, all babies are
about alike. They look like monkeys"
just then q neigbbor entered, and
taking the baby on her lap, said" Mercy
on us, how like its father that child is!'
Miss Upper-Ten, an ultra fashionable
young lady, was called to be with O.
sister who was dangerously Ill in a.
Western city. What can she do for
any one Ill, and perhaps dying ?" in
quired neighboring acquaintance, W ho
had heard of her departure. She
might give information as TO which
side they'd be most likely to wear
harps Oh this season." said one of the
company, dryly.
was TO be married, you know
said Blooms, to his friend Clark, "but
l g-suess it's off, you know, fol-
good" How is that 2" asked Clark |
This way" replied Blooms. She
s-said she'd marry me, you know, when
all impediments were r.removed."
Yes" "Well, asked her last night
if they were not all-aw-r.remove
you know, and she s-said mo i
s-still s-stutter p
What influence has the moon upon
the tide ?" the teacher asked Henry.
And Henry said it depended upon
what was tied ; II it was dog, 1t made
Inn howl, and if it was gate, it un-
tied 1t just ~ soon as COW or a youngI
man came along 1t is such things as
THIS that make the eschool-teachers want
to lie down and die every day at four
o'clock.
You must be careful in your use of
nitric acid" said a professor of chemis-
try to his class, " for when In benzoy |
Ina phylamid Is treated with nitric acid |
two isorneric Observation-Disclosures
mides are formed, one yielding mono |
nonamido benzoaphty ylamide, and the
other rakydrobeDzodiamidonaphalene, aky
and an explosion is sure to follow.
Tommy, go down to the grocery
store and bring mea pound Of starch.
| haven't time to go down to the
grocery store get n pound OF starch
It's most school time now. :" Is that
SO ?" said Mrs. Mrs. McVap:d, with a
troubled look then Frightening up,she |
added: Well, then, run down and
get only half "A pound"
"Look at America, my boys" said a
Kerry rothouse orator, "that's the
place, my boys, for wealth. Look at her
ieeming MILLIONS" Yes, look at
'em," shouted listener. " my brither
is there he's one of the teaming mil |
lions, and he's doing his job of work for
81 a day, and OWES his cart, too. be
gorrah -
" Mamma" cried little four-year
old girl, after coming from walking
with her next Oldest sister. Mamie
showed me and pushed me down right
before some gentlemen, and hurt me
too" Well, 1t dosen't hurt you now,
does it :? Then why do you cry ?"
I" Cause didn't cry any when she
pushed me down"
A trade circular, under the title,
d" What Will the Coming Girl Wear ?"
contains description OF the articles
likely to constitute the wardrobe of the
future. 1t is description sufficient to
convince any body that what the com
ing girl will chiefly wear is hole in the
pocket book of the man who supports
her.
An elderly gentleman, a prominent
citizen of Hilsboro, Texas, being Ia the
telephone office, was informed that a
lady in Dallas wished to talk with him.
Immediately he rose, took off his hat,
primped his hair with his h nd, and
waking up to the instrument, said
L" AT your service, madam"
A man wanted horse to ride at the !
annual parade. "Do you want spir.
tied animal" asked the livery man.
"No, not very" "Do you want
quiet one?" "No, not very" What 3:
do you want, them" 81 want a horse
I hat looks great deal more spirited
than he really 49," |,