The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1884-05-02
VOL. XXIX----NO. IL.
VARIETIES.

-Michelet writes that "woman is the salt
of mans life" There is proverb that every
time you upset the salt there is a fight.
Quite excusable: 81 beg a thousand
pardons for coming so late" My dear sir,
replied the lady, graciously, "no pardons are
needed. You can never come too late"
"A timid young man has married lady
whose weight verges closely upon 200
help you over the fence?" NO." says she
to him, "help the fencep
- see that an Ohio postmistress has re-
signed her position in order to get married."
remarked an old benedict to his wife. Poor
thing pity her, said the helpmate. "Why
soT Because, after the honeymoon is
over, she'll have to sit up nearly every night
and wait till the mail comes i'm
Young Alphonso-"Mercy child, you
must not wash your new wax doll, it will
ruin it," Infant Terrible-"Ruin it, how?"
Young lphonso-"Why, one drop Of water
would spoil its complexion" Infant Terri
ble-"lsn'tthat funny? My doll and my big
sisters have the same kind of 'plexions"
We are never at loss for a good excuse
for our evil deeds, and resemble the eloquent
darkey who said to the judge-"Judge, Twas
don' yer see, l only took dat little pullet,
Wen might took a big rooster. But Judge,
L strained myself an didn't do it, and |
ought ter be let Off"
-"Oh, for lodge in some vast wilder.
ness! quoted Mr.. Splatterby, the other day,
while he was feeling in poetical mood. II
should think you had lodges enough" said
Mrs. Splatterby. "You are out four nights
IN the week to lodges, and if you had another
in the wilderness don't suppose you would
be home at ALL except to eat"
There are a great many men in this
world would starye or go everlastingly to
bow-wows were it not for the fortunate
circumstance of their having industrious and
thrifty wives as that not Mr.. Pipkins and
his wife?' asked a gentleman of friend,
pointing to couple who were going along
the street. No" said the other, "that is
Mrs, Pipkins and her husband"
"A gentleman of our acquaintance tells us
the following good story, which goes to show
that the average Austin boy has what Mrs.
Darlington would call 'judicious" mind
He 1.-THE boy wanted to go swimming. But,
my son" rejoined the anxious parent, at
was only this morning that you were com.
planning of pain in your stomach"
That's SO, pa, but know how to swim ON
my back"
PA, wish you would buy me little
pony" said Johnny. 81 haven't got any mon
ey to buy pony, my son. You should go
to school regularly, my son, study hard and
become smart man, and some ofthese days,
when you grow up, you will have money
enough of your own to buy ponies with"
"Then l suppose, pa, you didn't study
much when you were little boy like me, or
else you would have money now to buy
ponies, wouldn't you, a?"-SJtings.
William, do you know why you are like
a donkey ?" Like donkey" echoed Will
liam, opening his eyes wide. "No, l don't"
"Do you give it up ?" Eyes" because your
better half is stubbornness itself" That's not
bad Ha hal I'll give that to my wife when
! get home" my dear" he asked, as he sat
down to supper, "do you know why am like
a donkey ?" He waited a moment, expect
ing his wife to give it up but she didn't
She looked at him somewhat commiserating-
ly, as she answered 81 suppose because you
were born So"