Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-18
HE UNDERSTOOD IT.
How Squatter Enjoyed the Opera Of
1olanthe--Knew He Wasn't
Drunk.
IArkanSaW TraYeler1

lArka1S1W lraVeler.J
An old squatter, while in the city recently,
accepted an invitation to attend the opera
The old man had no idea of what au opera
was like, didn't know whether it was place
of worship or an exhibition of improved fire
arms, but he agreed with that promptness OF
decision characteristic of man who is never
daunted
The opera was Iolanthe, and when the
fairies began to march around, in theil
shriil but not unmusical evolutions, the old
squatter turned to his friend and said:
Mighty peart lookin' gals. Clothes ain't
hardly fitten for winter, but they'll do
mighty well for summer wear Air they
llachul, like the gals you s,e walkin aroun',
or ar they some sort of contrapshun rugged
up by the Yankees | have hearn that the
Yankees ken make a ia kim machine, an l
reckon if they ken do that, they ken make
suthin' ter squeal.'
They are natural women" the merchant
repfel
He sat for some time watching the per-
formance. Occasionally he would shake his
head in doubt, and then with an affirmative
nod, he would approve of some turn affairs
had taken.
"Themf fellers muster come from the over.
flowed deStricks," he said pointing to the
lords in knee-breeches. Either that or cloth
muster been scarce. Look at that Slim jim
of feler holdin' up the coat tail of the old
buck
That's the lord chancellor, :" whispered the
merchant
wall, cloth amt scarce with him He's
got some to spar. Ef he wuster come out in
my neighborhood some feller'd step on
them coat tails an ak him his business It'd
be fun for my son-in-law to put his number
ten on the tail eeud of that garmint an say,
'whar yer travelin', podnerr Eff the Simmon
boys wuster see him they'd say he was the
devil. Look at 'em. They sing at each
other It's the whinin'est set l ever seed.
Oh, its show, is it, Why don't
they fetch out the hossesl The shows
amt what thcv was when
was a youngster. Them fiddlers down thar
is poke easy set. They air what we'd call
easy scratches. Mind me Of the chillun
rakin' around whar the 'taters was dug airter
the stray ones Now they've commenced to
dig little. That feler with the big fiddle's
got the grubbin' hoe. Zig, he's found a fresh
hill an is tarin it all ter pieces. Now the
other fellers air scratchin all around him.
an air rakin up the dirt The big Teller
KANT git his grubbin' hoe over the fence, "
and then as blast from the cornet rang
the dinner horn"
Thecurtain came down and the old fellow
sat for moment in silence.
"Air they comm back airtor dinnerT'
YES" the merchant replied.
l arers like to see the thing well done," and
again he devoted himself to deep reflection.
The curtain went up again.
Thar comes the fellers with short britches
an the gals with wings That big feller ken
sing putty well, an amt Altered to open his
mouth, but that slim rooster that
tries to squeal like oman is
in mighty po' business. 1 know sing,
in when hear it, an eff wus ter git up thar
ter sing I'd make that feller standin' down
thar drop that stick. l couldn't 60 along AM
sing ef a man stood up an shuck q stick at
me. 1t mout be in fun, but would't like it.
When a man shakes a stick at me he's got
ter stop right thar an explain. All, Lawd!
! wish Nip Tucker was here. He'd git up
on that flatfo'm amongst them picturs
an sing them fellers outen countenance
Now, Nip's a singer. l tell yer what
he dun. Yer know whar the old Aimes
place is Wall, luther night I was a sittin
on the fence at home, an Nip was over at the
Aimes place singin', an could hear him.
Three miles away, mind yer. Now what sort
Of show would these fellers have with q
man like thatl Thar's the feller with the
grubbin' hoe. Look at that little feller with
hatchet hackin' on the stump They air
airter a rabbit. Zounds how the dogs scratch, "
and the imaginative old fellow could scarcely
keep his seat. Associating every sound with
an action, and living an almost fgurative
iife the squatter, when his emotions are
stirred, can not remain quiet. "Thar's the
dogs smellin in the hole Bim, the big fel-
ler's gone to work with the grubbin' hoe
Now they all jine in an air maxim the dirt
fly. They are huddlin' together, and If they
don't mind the rabbit'n run out Zoundsl
thar he goes, bookerty, bookerty. Head
him, head him! Through the fence. Whoop"
''Look here, sir" said man in authority,
tapping the old man on the shoulder. "If
you don't behave yourself I'll put you out Of
here. You ought to have better sense than
to come here drunk"
81 amt drunk"
''Yes you are"
you're liar, an I'll fight yer, rabbit or
no rabbit"
"Hold on" said the merchant "Don't fight
here"
"Well, he KANT say that I'm drunk, when
I've been wantin' drink of whisky ever
since two hours by SUM-"
"Come ON, the show is over.