The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17
A DUDE IN TEXAS.
Why He Was Permitted to Drink His
Warm Lemonade.

"Talk about yer dHdes, said
Texas stockman on the Chicago,
Burlington s. Quincy train last
night. "but a little the d3odest dood
l ever seen was fellow tibet come
down from Boston into cur kentry
year ago las September"
Gle dip't stay long In Texas, l
guess" said a little man in silk
hat.
"Yass, he's there now"
81 thought tnat they wouldn't let
a dude live in Texas?'
"Waal, III tell you how it wuz we
come TO let him stay. He come
down there with his peeked boots
an his tight trousers an yaller KID
gloves, slingin' more style than a
new Congressman on the FO'th o
July, and a tellin' folks that the
doctors said he'd got the consump-
ton an d have to live in warm
climate"
"Ah, yes, OF course, you pitied the
poor fellow, and let him stay on that
account"
"Not exactly that, but, as [ was
sayin', he slung his style like a
Mormon walkin by United States
Marshai's Office. WAL, one night
he &C me into a saloon where lot of
us were drinkin', an steps up to
the bar an says, sAw-I say, bah.
tendah, give me trifle of avn VAIN
lemonade Bill Jackson snorted
right out, an then says e, Boys,
what dye cay? Les make the dood
drink GIN 1t wuZ go, so Bill
walks up an slaps the dood on the
back like he'd break i'm in two.
Bills the best man on the muscle
in our hull kentry. Say says Bill,
you'd hetter drink GIN saw
but it's VAIN lemonade l
desiah,' says the dood. WAL
says bill, warm lemonade don't go
in these ERE parts; you drinks gin
or you drinks nOthin'; you hear me?'
I'It-aw-SeemS to me you're mis-
taken,' says the dude, 'ithout SEEM
in to see there was trouble ahead !;
Il want tO-aw-d@iDk VAIN lem
onade,' an he reached out fur the
glass. Bell Wuuk at the rest of us
and says to the dood, Dye know
what Pm sgoin' to do eff you tries to
drink anything but ginT 'W ealiy I
do not, nah deah boy 'WaaI,' says
Bill, I'm agoin' to stand you on yer
hesd in that air box O. sawdust.'
'Aw-that would not be wight says
the do0d, stripping up his glass to
drink. Bill reached out n grabbed
Inn by the neck, an 1 never seen a
man get licked so quick
Bill was too much for him, was
he ?"
"No, stree; it wuz t'other way.
Il WIZ B II tibet got licked. Jeruss-
lem a"d Gin'ral Jackson, but how
that dood did jump about! An
every time e jumped e fetched Bill
one on the eye er under the ear er
along the jaw, am Bill couldn't git
within gunshot nv i'm. Why, tibet
air dood he'd more tricks fur fightin'
than Bill ever dresm'd Nv. Furst
he'd be behind Bill an then on top
Nv 'iD, an then under i'm an every
time Bill opened an eye the dood
stuck fist in terry fist, it didn't
make no Difference to i'm. He wuz
just about as handy with his
thumpers es any man needs to be
in this world. 1t didn't take him
morn minute to 60 all around Bill
an over i'm an through i'm in the
bargain; an then when he had Bill
pretty we'll licked he took him the
alI1iredest crack on the nose an
sent i'm over in the corner behind
the icesbox like a bundle O. old
clo'es."
"What did he do then?"
"Why. he jest turned aroun' an
brushed the sawdust off his knee.
where he'd ducked down to come up
under Bill, an says he: sGentle.
men, Will you all join me-aw-in a
VAIN lemonade? ?" AM we jined i'm,
too, quick!"
"Yes, he's thare yet: and I guess
he bin stay, unless the consnmpti n
gifts away with i'm. There hain't
nothing else down there that kin do
it, that's sure. "-Chicago NeaOs.