Middletown transcript., 1884-02-08
LADY-nIKE COW.
WHY A GOOD MAN HANKERED FOR
THE BLOOD OF NICK PARISH.

: hearted and gentle mich COW round
s off and tempers down the many diff
g eulties standing in the way of famil!
Y contentment. When Parson Jilminsol
+ moved to our neighborhood, his frs
question was, Who's got gentle
g cow for sale ?'' Old Nick Parish. one
: of the best known and most upright
> men in the community, had a gentle
cow. If man wanted a fiery, un
subdued horse, Nick had him and il
he wanted horse so quiet in demeanol
that he refrained from lashing the flies
Nick had him. In fact, Nick had any.
thing that anybody wanted to buy, and
the one thing peculiar about his ability
to furnish the great market of wants
was that every animal he sold was ex.
actly what he represented il to be.
" Is she good mixer ?'' asked Par.
son Jilminson, when he had gone to
Nick's lot and begun an inspection of
the COW.
6 Best in the land, and the one fine
pint about her is that she'll give enough
milk for any family. Whenever she
changes hands she sizes up the new
family, and if she amt broad enough
to accommodate all concerned. why
she changes her guage. But she is not
prodigal. l bought her FROM hotel
man. She had been giving enough
milk for all the guests, but when she
saw that I only had small family, she
changed her metre and came down to
our measure =
" never before heard of such
cow,' said the parson.
" Nobody else, and if my wife didn't
try to impose on her l wouldn't sell her
for anything. You see my wife is a
very ambitious woman and wants this
one COW to furnish enough milk for the
operation of an entire dairy farm. l
will not allow even my wife to monkey
with the affections of this animal.
Just look at her. Did you ever see
anything more lady-like ? There she
stands, the very picture of courtesy,
willing to inundate the entire commu-
nifty in milk. y
" What is the least you'll take for
her ?'' the parson asked.
3" Well, I'll tell you. If it want for
the pints I've presented, I wouldn't
sell her for no price, but as it is, you
may have her for hundred dollars
The money was paid without hesita-
tion, and in triumph the parson drove
the COW home. "Greatest cow in the
world" he said to his wife, as he turned
the animal into the back yard. HThe
man had sentimental reasons for selling
her or we would never have been her
fortunate possessors. "
The next day was Sunday. The par
son had an appointment to preach at
the neighboring church, but when the
time for services arrived, the parson
was seen crossing the common, carry
ing an army gun. AS he approached
Parish's house, Parish was seen to leap
The fence, and start off in a practical
and commercial-like manner toward !
,he woods. The parson discovered
lim, threw up his gun and fired, and
30 much powder had his indignation
in the execution of his san :,
culinary design, that the bullet, long
after the excitement had subsided,
vas heard whizzing around the neigh !,
1orhood.
What on earth is the matter, par
son ?" asked dozen voices, as the !
approached the church and
to load his gun.
Bought COW from that scoundrel.
Told me she was gentle. Wife got up
his morning to milk her. Shortly
after she went out, thought 1 heard
nutterings and other sounds expressive :.
If dissatisfaction, and stepping to the ,
loor, 1 saw my wife going over the ash
hopper. My wife is a woman of un- :
usual agility, yet saw no reason why
she should sail around through the air !.
IN Sunday morning, so l stepped out
md told her to hold up, when I saw i,
ny lady-like COW raking up ridges and
lcting as though she were displeased.
spoke to her and she darted at me. I
ried to avoid her, but failed. I went
'ver the ash hopper pretty much as my l
wife had done. This was not the end
# the performance. The COW could
lot get around behind the ash hopper,
'ut she made it sensational for us by
eminders that she was still in circula- '
ion. The dog came over and fell :
mOng us. Then washaboard, brass
ettle, the cat and the hired boy came /
yer. [ never saw anything like it. I
Every time l looked up, something Il
Tould strike me. After awhile she IL
egan to throw dirt and chips over
ntil l thought we would all be buried. p
yelled for help, and old Mrs. Piggle- "
'orth, kind old soul who lives near, t(
anne to see what was the matter, good cl
earted old creature. The heathen u
Tho sold me the COW said that she to
rould size us all up with an idea to 81
lrnish the requisite amount of milk it
nd probably that's what she was doing, 81
ut l am not used to such estimates I'll
eing made on my family. Finally ru
lie, the courteous animal, jumped over hi
10 fence and left, and I am out on an to
nportant errant. No, can't preach nc
II you to-day, y putting cap on the at
IN, as he caught sight of Parish peep be
g from behind a distant tree. "I eq
ish you all well and hope the Lord III
i'll take care of you, but at present I NJ
n compelled to discharge a duty which
owe to my wife, myself, my neigh fel
'rs and society,"" and he cooked the
my gun and slipped away like deer tn
mter,-ATkdnsdlr Trnreley. sa