New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-08-13

BILL MATsON's OLD RAM.
The Boy Who Had Nothing to Do But
Get Stone Bruises ON
His Heels.
Did you ever have healthy and
vigorous old ram push your coat tail
up against you kerchunk! unexpected.
IL when you wasn't looking!n inquired
Bill Matson, Of Bliffkins, as the bar
tender placed two shippers on the table
in little back room at Schneider's
grocery.
No, Bill, never did; but I've gone
a-courtin' girl whose father wasn't
willin', and heard something four or
five times before got to the gate. The
sensation was pro'bly bout the same. :
Was it, thought exclaimed Bill in.
= high and incredulous tone Of voice.
when yon say that you only show
how little you We travelled and how lit
tie fun you've had in. the world. For
| . species Of excitement md thrilling
sensations that you can't get by fool
ing round mule or by buckin' the ti-
ger, to say nothing Of the novel and
startling situations, give me an old ram
that's got . grudge against somebody.
I've been there. =
els there story in this, Billp''
IA storyp Yes, and a moral, toop"
..Let 90 Of it. =
well, Bliff, I'll do it, though it's
pretty rough on Bill. Yer see, when I
| was q little barefoo:ed runt and used
to wear tow trousers dad used to live
down on hill farm in Pennsylvany,
and about all ] had to do was to run
round gettin' stone bruises on my
heels and Dein'
STUNG BY BUNDLE BEES
and givin' dad q chance to exercise
himself with beech CAD he always
had handy-marm used to say that
dad walloped me so much that my
| trousers used to wear out behind first.
'Mongst other things / used to raise
Cain with was lOveage stalk that I
used to blow peas through. Ever been
hit in the eye with pea, Blif?"
..No."
| well, you don't want ter be. They
hurt like Sam Hill. used to 90 round
with q loYeage stalk under my jacket
and my pocket full Of dry peas, and
shoot peas at everything. One day as
/ was a-goin' by the buck pastur' down
in the medder ! seed the old ram
a-gnawin' grass and out come my low
age stalk. fred two or three peas at
him, but he was too far off, SO that ]
couldn't hit him, 50 took off my hat,
held il. up in front of my face, wobbled
it around and yelled 'boo-woo-woo!
The old ram looked up and seed me,
i and started for the rail fence with head
down with full steam on. was all
ready, and when he was bout three
feet away give him pea plump on
the nose. Golly! you oughter seed him
tear round and stamp. and smack his
head up agin the rails, and I all the
time poppin' peas at his nose! Bimeby
he got sick Of ii, and went off out into
4 the middle of tho pastur'. and stood
there stampin' his feet and lookin' ugly
but couldn't get him up to the fence
no more.
.s'Long in June. as was a-goin' By
the pastur', I seed some strawbrys
through the fence, and wanted 'em 81
bad that they made my mouth water
The old ram was a-layin' down in thu
corner Of the fence under but'nu
tree and looked as If he was asleep, sc
I slipped over the fence mighty still
and went to film my jacket will
strawbrys, and keepin' one eye on tn,
old ram. He didn't stir, and purty
soon got SO busy eatin' that ! forgo
all about him. Them was big straw
brys, and was a-stoopin' down pickin
with both hands when somethin' hi
4 me from behind. ] guess it knocked
me rod, and when struck my nos
plowed hole in the ground. OF cours'
4 I knowed it was the old ram. who wa
a-gettin' even for the peas, and 4
scrambled up and run for the fence
but i hadn't gone ten feet afore b
lifted me again, and then he backe,
of bout half rod, and every time i,
move he'd smash me.
dad was a-hoein' corn up on tn
side-hill and he seed what was a-goin
4 on. Yer see, dad didn't know nothin
II bout the peas, and it made him pow
full mad to see the old ram a-beltin
me, and down he come as tight as hi
could run. The old ram was so busy
a-takin' care of me that the first thing
that he knew, dad had him by thu
horns.
9 Blast yer!' SEE dad, III larn yel
better than to be buttin' the breechel
often my boy. He commenced pound
in the old rams nose with his fist
4 Purity soon, jest as dad was astrikin
the old ram bobbed his head down ant
dad
HIT HIM ON THE HORNS.