Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-09-11
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

l Ihey were two SOHO citizens. OLe
was bald. but rejoiced in u fine, lux.
uriant beard. The other had heavy
growth Of hair On the head, but was
very bald as TO his chin. The bald.
chinned citizen was very talkative
individual, whose conversation was
rapid and incessant. Meeting the bald :.
headed tizen one day in a company
lof gentlemen, he opened fire on him
touching the baroness Of his head.
(" W hat do. you suppose" said he,
in his rafting, vivscious way" what
do you suppose, neighbor, is the reason
that you have no hair on your head and
so much ON your chin ?" Well, :"
said the other, very deliberately,
" scientists say that men who work
with their brains create such u heat In
the scalp that the hair il worn off,
That sounds like likely theory"
chined In the loquaciOus citizen.
Yes, it does" returned the other.
- and | think your case is striking
illustration of its probability. Now
you have plenty of hair on your head,
tbut none on your chin, which just
backs up the scientific theory, because
all your work IL done with your chin
there's nothing doing on top"
| Mr.. J. R.--once had occasion to
stay a night at country inn, The
landlord tried several times to ascertain
the destination of his guest, but with
out succe ~ Mr.. R.--turned upon
him AID in very decided tone said ::
Landlord, do owe YOU anything"
Nothing. sir" was the reply.
"Well, then,l AIN going where Iplease. :"
The road forked not far from the tavern
and it 80 happened that Mr.. R.
was at loss VIII ch road to take, and
sent a servant back to inquire which of
these roads led TO the village Of.
The landlord, standing in front of the
tavern, cried, at the top of HIS voice:
"Mr. RI, you don't owe me any
thing Take just which road you
pleased"
"How is everything going on ?" asked
! Texas citizen of the floor manager, as
he entered the bali room. Capital"
was the enthusiastic reply" Couldn =
be better.'' " There seems to be a
great many present. l shouldn't be
surprised II you scored the success OF
the season" Success of the season.
responded the floor. manager, as he bow.
ed profoundly to one of the be lies of the
evening. should say 80 Why,
here it in half past three o'clock in the
morning, and only one man has been
killed !"
Some husbands are too solicitor,
i about the health Of their wives. While
out walking, Mrs. Duzenbury stopped
In front of the show window OF a millineI
and exc laimed: What beautiful as
sortment of hatsi" Come on. quick.
Louisa, You will catch cold and die II
you stand st i'll on that grating after you
have been walking fast. can't let you
run such risks" said the careful, affec.
tionate husband; and, before Mrs. Duz-
enhury could decide what kind of q
bonnet to select, she was hurried past
the dangerous spot.
A lady recently had remarkable ex.
perience with nsw Irish servant
+" Biddy," said she, one evening, We
, must have some sausages for tea. ex.
pect company" Yes, ma'am." Tea
time arrived, and with it the company
The table was spread, the tea was sim
mering, but no ssusages appeared
Where are the sausages, Biddy," the
, lady inquired. "And sure, they're II
the taypot, ma'am Didn't you tel
me we must have 'em for tay 2"
Landlord to tenant Good morning
sir fine day sir. inst called arounf
W see IL III WOulu IohNCblOhb w oOtbis
your quarters rent, sir" Tenant
ibid, eh Do you know, landlord
that none of the doors in this house will
B shut ." Landlord " New house, sill
I-new house, you know takes time /,
, settle. Tenant " All, then there
pair of us. TN new tenant i
takes time for me to settle, Too. Goo,
morning. Call again"
A wealthy gentleman, who owns /
Country seat, nearly lost his wife, witt
. fell into river which flows through hi
;. estate. He announced the narrow es
:. cape to his friends, expecting their con
graf ulations. One OF them-an OLE
! baohelor-wrots as follows always
8 told you that river was too shallow"
AN Eastern man received a Telegram
D from the West, announcing tho suddel
r demise of q relative. and then replied
tSend ON the remains at once" NJ
telegram was recei we'd in answer, but IL
: a few days later a letter came sayinl
simply: There amt no remanes. b
war kicd by a mul."
Ljnks.-" The last link is broken.
said young fellow, when he kisse'
goodbye forever to his fair one at he
:. req uest, because her parents wished
r dissolution. A few days afterward h
Q received note, saying: +" Dear Ge orgt
there are plenty more links. Come an
break them"
Mr.. Sniggletonis very concealed, ant
8 during conve -sation with Miss Sensi
= BILE the other day, on the perfection 9
il men, he inquired, with simper
y =" Well, what do require to make N
perfect 2" Brains" simply answer
ed Miss Sensible. u
A thoughtful old Sootchman exhortet
his daughter In this fashion "Jeanie
Imy lass, it's p vera solemn thing to b
married. ken that weel, father,
80 replied Jeanne, promptly, :" but it's
" great deal soloinner not to be. ="
81 care you having much practice no v?
80 asked an old judge of a young lawyer
SC +" Yes, sir q good deal, thank you 7
20 i" All Pm glad to hear of 1t. In wha
80 line liz your practice particularly p
oe Well, sir, particularly in econo
=, Imy." s..i
when does man become Sseam
50 stress 2" "W hen he hens and haws.
90 mo" Whom he threads his way.
No." When he rips and tears.
se No" "Give it up" Never,
80 he can help it." Vail
m IN An invotUra,o bachelor, being aske
90 Inv a sentimental young miss VIII
90 he did not secure some fond one
: company in his voyage on the oceA
E. of life, replied would, If
or were sure such an ocean would be pa
Icific."