The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-02-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

q, A patent iron-coffin dealer advertises
that any one who uses his invention
once will never use any other. -
Three degrees of mining speculation
-Positive-mine; comparatiye-miner;
superlative-minus. ...lfp
The boy who bit into a green apple
remarked, with a wry face, '''Iwas
ever thus in childhood-sour.'
,o,. The man who married girl because
she "struck his fancy" say she strikes
him anywhere that comes mandy now.
"Woman is the Sunday Of mar" It
would be terribly monotonous to have
Sunday come every day in the week.
1t was Detroit girl that married ut
Is so as to have her golden wedding
when it would do her some good.
Love" says an amorous writer, sis
an Internal transport" A contempt
rary remarks: "rhe same might be
said Of canal boat" ..t...'
Many young fop imagines that a
girl takes an interest in his WeJdre,
when in truth she is only eager for his
fdreWeH.
The single eyeglass is worn by the
masher. The theory is that he can see
with one eye much more than he can
comprehend.
what is laughterp" asks scientist
It's the sound you hear all over the
restaurant when the waiter drops a
plate Of hot soup down your back.
If there is one time more than anoth-
or when woman should DO entirely
alone, it is when full line Of clothes
comes down in the mud.
Overcome by gas" is the headline
on daily paper. We knew those ire
mendous gas bills would kill some
body sooner or later.
eyes" said the Idaho man, "it's
dreadful unfortunate that my gal got
Rugged by that ar bar. She's sort o
held me in contempt SINCE "a
After matrimonial infelicity, Fogg
says the women ought to make the first
overtures for peace, because most wo-
men make up so well.
A Brooklyn young man who was
shot in the head a couple OF months
ago has recovered, with the bullet in
his brain. As he is not dude, his case
is puzzling the doctors. p
A leading religious weekly recently
published the ten commandments, and
now Texas papers are reprinting them
under the headline, pearls OF
Thought. "
The force of habit is fully illustrated
in the case of retired milkman, who
saws he never sees a can OF water with
out having an almost irresistible desire
to put some milk to 1t.
what" said an inquisitive young
lady, lis the most popular color for q
bride?" We may DO little particular
on such matters, but we would prefer
a white one.
Live while you may-Timid passen-
ger Gas the gale freshened), "Is there
any dangerP' Tar (ominously), "Well,
them as likes good dinner had better
hev it to-day"
A frightful looking creature, standing
erect, with long, shaggy hair, is strik-
ing terror into the hearts of the people
at Calcutta, o. Has anybody lost a
poetp .tFD..n-.
An item is going the rounds that
church members embrace three times
as many women as men. Yes, that is
probably correct There is not more
than 25 per cent. as much fun in en-
bracing men as women.
A southern Dakota man recently
promised his dying wife that he would
meet her in heaven. When the fact
became known that the man was an ed
itor, the joke was regarded as too good
to keep.
NO" said George Henry, II didn't
go there to court the girl, only called
in occasionally TO pass the time, you
know; but first thing l knew tney had
me up for breach of promise. and 30.
you see, went to court at last"
A correspondent wishes to know W no
wrote the poem, "Our country's Tyres
are mute We do not know, but II
our country's liars were also mute it
would be contamination most devout-
ly to be wished. ............
A young dandy who sported an enor-
nous mustache asked lady what she
thought of his looks. well" said
she, ''you look as if you had swallowed
asquirrel and left the tail sticking out
your mouth"
According to book, In the year
iai AZ potatoes formed the sole food
OF the Irish peasantry." A schoolboy
reau .nis passage as follows: "In the
year le47, As potatoes formed the sole
1000 OF the Irish peasantry."
Brown-"Confound it, Did Won see
me kiss this lady?" Boy."Well
I'm not stone blind" Brown-"Here's
fifty cents-you needn't say" Bow
.'Oh, it's all right. I've made over
elO off OF her this summer and fall"
EYES," said Mr.. Brickhandler, .mv
bulldog has wonderful artistic taste.
He wouldn't attack tramp the other
day because the cloth Of the man
trousers wouldn't harmonic we'll with
the color Of his jaws"
The Indians who sell hay to the gov.
eminent out west have been detected
placing large rocks in the bales. That
comes Of teaching the Indians to read,
90 that they can study the daily papers