Connecticut western news., 1884-03-05
WIT AND WISDOM.

REGISTERS in the horse cars do not warm the vehicle, but they make it hot for the dishonest conductor.
 A MAN being asked how old he wass replied, "I nm in health;" and being asked how rich he was, said, ''I am not in debt"
 "OvEucoME BY GAS" is tho headline on a daily paper. We knew those tro- mendous gns bills would kill somebody sooner or later.
 lr is snid that tho new opera house in Chicago will be nine stories high. There will be room in the upper stories for the mortgage.
 ENGLAND ought to take some ono of her size when she gets mp fight Rhode Island, for instance, -Phitadot' lohia CdN
 AN American girl frequently wears all she is worth on her back, according to the Lowell Courier. She often wears all her husband is worth, too.
 A SCIENTIST asserts that bee can only sting once in two minutes. We would respectfully add that that's all 1t generally needs to-Boston Posi-
 AN article containing a dozen hints on how to take care of a horse is going the rounds of the press, but there is not one hint as to how to get the horse.
 Now it's the "brutal fox. hunters" It does seem a brutal pastime for man to go and chuck himself head first of horse and into ditch.-Bostoa Post
 THERE are six congressman from Cali. fornia and not ono of them is a native of the State. You sec native born Californian is too proud to go to eon- gress.
 "HERR MEYER, I suppose you under stood that every one was to bring along something to the picnic. What have you brought ?" Herr Meycr--"My two boys, as you see"
 Ir is said that color blindness is al. most unknown among women. This ox- plains why a wife can detect the ap- proach of rich coloring on the tip of her husbands nose.
 "CHArR RoARpHRs" is the name ap- piled by Thc Rome Sentinel to those gentlemen who infest hotel reading rooms, getting heat, a comfortable seat and the latest news for nothing.
 A RIGHTEOUS swell who danced with q couple of Chicago girls at a party re- gently, remarked that although he liked rings on his fingers, he couldn't stand bellies on his toes. 7cras Siftings.
 A GIRL out West is said to have re- fused telegraph lineman three times in as many months because he was "too much of wanderer-he wandered from pole to pole and from climb to climb"
 AN exchange dcspairingly wants to know "why men will work in powder factories ?" One paper has no doubt "that it is 10 make powder" while the Norristown Herald thinks "it is to make money"
 "WHAT influence has the moon upon the tide ?" asked the Professor. The class wag replied that he didn't know exactly what influence it had upon the tied, but that it had tendency to make the united awful spoony.
 IF you want n thing well done, young man, tell another man how to do it. Then it will never be done at all. And in that case it will remain in much better shape than if you had meddled with 1t and attempted to do something.
 A MISSIONARY says the tallost people on the globe are to be found in the northeastern island of Terra del FueRo. A collector says the ''shortes" people on the globe may be found right here at home when a bill is presented.
 A "sMoKRbEss engine has been in- vented. Such piece of mechanism is possible, and the time may also come when some genius will bring out loco motive that don't "choo" while it is at work. k.-Norristow Herald.
 A LECTURER on the Indians says there are no profane words in the Indian lan- guage. They are not necessary. When ever an Indian is provoked he kicks his dog and beats his squaw. It would be waste of strength to swear, too.
 IN all ages and all countries the scales have been the emblem of justice. From this it is painfully evident that the fal- lows whose business it has been to get up emblems has never traded much at groceries and provision stores. .-LolncH Citi.cn.
 A FRENCH indrustrial society has recommended the suppression of all circular saws on tho ground that "they are wasteful and dangerous. But they are very useful also. If it wasn't for the circular saw, there are some fools who wouldn't know how to get their fingers cut of.
 TIE old tramp who was "Michigan fire sufferer" last summer, will go on the road this spring as an "ohio flood sufferer" He thought once that he would have to appear as a "Jaya earth quake sufferer" but the floods have fortunately rendered this rather far fetched excuse unnecessary. Norris- toIUn Herald.
 A GREAT thinker has said that ''a man should not write until he is full of his subject" It seems to us that this ar- rangement will not always work to the advantage of the man who writes. There could be no objection to the agricul- tural editor getting full of his subject when he wanted to write an essay on turnips, but when tho temperance editor A. L. H.g...a.fr ,s.N s.tt ,sIttalfss ta