Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-01-04
A WITLESS THING

A W1TLESS THING
"a document in madness; thoughts and remem-
brances fitted."- Hamlet act iv, sec S.
New remember, Lord GRAFTON" said
the Doctor solemnly. ''all told you. You
are very welcome to come to our ball,
though, as rule, we only ask certain
set of wise men and maidens who know
our ways and their ways. Still. you are
good Hooking, humorous, and CHEEKY, and
if you are sensible you can enjoy yourself,
and, maybe, do them world of good. 1
believe in electricity as curative agent
not the quack nonsense of belts and chains
aEd musical boxes, that only shake the
nerve-centres, but the real elect richly of
animal spirits. the tonic of good health. .
81 shall do exactly as 1 am Did, said
Lord Grayton, a handsome, fl rid, muscu-
Ter young man, strong as horse, buoyant
as balloon, just back after self imposed
exile of five years in India with the big
game; "but tell me of all those confound-
ed cautions again. ! did a lot of dancing
of various kinds years ago, before I went
after the tigers"- and he laughed as min
gled memories of Mayfair and the Lotus
both the Corroberee and the Salonqa; but
'pon honor I never danced with a lunatc
girl yet"
Are you quite sure of thatp" said the
Doctor, grimly; they are to be met with
outside of Copswood, can tell you. How.
ever listen; the rule is simple. Be civil
and don't contradict. If old Crackton
asks you to play chess, play. He's.a good
player. and will beat you fairly if he can;
if he can't he'll make false move aud call
'checkmate,' and you must resign. If poor
Snobly thinks you are the Prince. and
'Sirs' you all over the place, and throws
out hints about being asked to Sandring-
ham; if you are asked to listen to the
Ginning clock in Bakers interiors, or to
avoid some one else, because he's glass
and might break, you must do your best to
be courteous to them all and on no account
laugh at their fancies.'
''SouDds rather jumpy. And the
ladies 20
I'M see to that, and introduce you to
the incest, and tell you what to avoid
speaking about the men will make the
talking for themselves, the women don t
talk much.''
''SigE of insanity, suppose. And what
am l to talk about?"
Everything save some one thipg-the
Empress of Austria. or the stage. or white
roses, or Mr.. Mallock. or black stockings
I'll give you the cue-never fear; only 1t
may happen that one of them will ask you
to dance, and then you must steer as best
you can-talk society or art on chance.
My owu girls and their friends get on IA
mously with the male patients, and you
must do your best. Come, you are going
to be our best tonic tonight, and you must
be off and dress; nine sharp, mind, as they
all 60 to bed at midnight
''Queer thing this" soliloquized Gray
ton as he completed an elaborate dressing
"beginnlng my first season after five years
by dancing with lot of lunatics. Hope
they won't wear straw in their hair; if
they do, shall bolt to the Congletons'
Dance"
He had many strange adventures that
evening as he strolled about the pretty
ballroom at the Copswood private asylum
He was duly defeated at chess by the ven
cradle g eacktnn, who deliberately slid 4ck
captured queen on the board. and per-
formed prodigies of valor with her. He
sympathizad with the gentleman who had
swallowed crocodile, and he noticed the
pale cadaverous man who amused himself
by counting the lights on each side of the
room and singing softly to himself. "Sor.
ry can't admit it. sorry can't admit
It'll" He had been an Acrostic Editor
once upon time. He noticed the fussy
little man, with pale blue shaven face,
who wanted to stage-mapage the sixteen
LaneeIs, and who pireously entreated the
dancers to Ego back over all that again,
please, and try and get it crisper;'' and
the cratic journalist who wrote para
graphs on his shirt-cuffs, and many other
strange folks that passed by in the motley
pageant of unsettled reasons.
There's King Lear" whispered the
Doctor, as "a very foolish fond old man,
fourscore and upwards passed them
muttering of 'Brigton A's;;" ''you know
who he was 20 and he whispered a name
in Grayton's ear that made that nobleman
whistle softly.
"AnG are there any Ophelias, whose
young maids wits should be as mortal as
an old man 8 life 'asked Grayton, show
ing that he knew his SHAKESPEARE as we'll as
the Doctor.
Yes, but we keep their secrets. Now
60 and dance )" and the Doctor took King
Lear off for cup of coffee.
1t was sad, weird sight altogether,
and as Grayton watched it. it reminded
him of Kaulbach g Dance of Death. )" and
he felt oddly morbid as he thought of his
own lonely life. He had once loved and
given his heart to woman whom he had
both idealized and idolizsd; he had youth,