Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-03-28
Debating a Letter.


snow, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopen-
iyke, when his W $e had propped him up
N bed and stuffed some extra pillows I'M
Ter his shoulders; now, my dear, take
sour pen aud ink and will dictate a
etter to Specklewottle- If YOU will
play amanuensis don't see why 1 can {
De sick just as well as not"
Mrs Spoopenkyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials.
"Shall write on a card with n gilt
edge. or shall / take note paper?'' She
asked.
You'd better use paper replied
Mr.. Spoopendyke. severely. "When |
want to convey my ideas on shinrle I'll
carve 'em in with a knife. Now Get
ready. for I'm going to start, and don
you interrupt me or you will put me
out"
"All ready. dear" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke. dipping her pen into the
ink and contemplating her husband
anXi0usly.
"Mr PeterB. Specklewot.le," com
menced Mr.. Spoopendyke.
lis his middle name sB?'n asked
Mrs. SpoOpendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand. and
testing her pen on the blotter II don I
think like his name, anyway. Peter
isn't NICE
III any other name occurs to YOU.
put it in" observed Mr.. Spoopendvke,
with a growl. "You don't need to
have a mans right name in a letter.
Put in anything and hurry up, will YOU?
Going to keep me in suspense all day
about who this letter is going top
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for moment.
Now, I've got him in, dear"
Got who in? Anybody know?
Am debating private letter to a
stranger? Got some particular friend
you want this note to go to unbeknown
to me? Who's in there?" I'm going to
know who's at the top before put my
name at the bottom"
"Why, Mr.. Specklewottle, of course
said she, looking at him with wide open
eyes. That's what you said. Now
90 on with the rest"
Have you got the date and dear sir
in, too?" asked Mr. Spoopendyke, peev-
ishly, for he was trying to think how he
should start his letter.
mo, dear, you didn't say anything
about those, replied his wife. "You
only said the name, but I'll put the
others i'm
"Will, will YEP" croaked Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. Sticking on great deal OF
credit to yourself for your kindness 10
the sick, amt We? Willing TO weld
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband? Well, YOU can't
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in;
hear me?''
"But I've got 'em in" pleaded Mrs.
SpoOpendye.
''Then strike 'em outr' roared her
husband. IS pose I'm going to let YOU
put those things in and throw EN- in
my face from the moment get well till
the day | die? Scratch EN- out, | tell
we; l don't propose to have my life
made miserable by reminders of your
kindness when [ was fishing around in
the grave with one legl Now what have
you gOt?"
Peter b. Specklewottle," said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, mentally satisfied there
could be no mistake in that.
Anything to show whether he's a
man or woman?" demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke. ''Any Mrs or ESQ.
hanging to it anywhere?n
Certainly" replied Mrs. Spoopen.
dyke. 1T saws Mr.. Peter B. Speckle
wottle.' That's the way you told me tc
write it, didn't you? Now go on with
the letter.
Then put; 4 am dying, and wish
you
"Great graciousr' calculated Mrs
Spoopendyke, dropping her pen. "Yor
are not dying, dear; you don't want the
man to think that"
Way not?' squealed Mr.. Spoopen
dyke. IS pose a man is going fourteen
blocks Out of his way to get the mai
for man who has only a cold in hi.
head? You put it that I'm dying, o.
ii drop over in.O that corner and write
the whole letter with one application o
the inkstandr"
$50 on, dear" cooed Mrs. Spoopen
dyke. 1--WE got it so; only he ma,
think it strange that dying man should
write to him. p"
Then say, Il want you to get m,
mail from the Office, and tell them
will be over in a day or two Co
that?"
Yes giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke
Anything else?"
"What're you laughing at?'' howlet
Mr.. SpOopendyke, ON whom the incon.
gruities of his letter had begun to dawn
''What have You got that measly moutl
OF yours stretched out like do lgastel
grave yard for? Think I'm debating :
comic almanac? Got a notion that thi
letter is one kind of rebus? Well, i
amt. and it amt minstrel entertain
ment with funny man at each end
What 10 you laughing at? Anybody il
this country know?"
Il wasn't laughing. DEAR" murmureC
Mrs. Spoopendyke, with marvelously
straight face. al was only sym 3athiz
ing with you"
WAS, eh?" grunted Mr.. Spoopen
dyke. ''Well, when it takes the form
OF visage like You screwed up min
ute ago want to be hung instead of be
ing sympathized with. Another tim
you open Your mouth like that Pm go
ing TO put seats in it and start
church"
And cogitating on this vast improve
ment in his wife's anatomy. Mr. Spoop
endyke, forgetting all about his letter
rolled over and went to sleep.-Brook
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