Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-08-25

STOPPING over to pick up fair lady's
handkerchief loses its joy when it sacri-
fees a suspender button.
Poverty develops genius" says phil
osopher. 1t is sad to think so few news
paper men possess genius.
Mrs jenkins complained that the tuT-
key didn't set well. Probably said
jenkins, sit was not hen turkey. y -.
Providence wisely locates a colony of
mosquitoes along every stream so that
fishermen may always be sure of bites.
A man without any bones is now being
exhibited through New Jersey. He is
probably a retired poet or a base ball um-
pire.
Enquirer asks ssWhat shall / do to
keep my greyhound from bowling at
night?" Did you ever try feeding him on
Paris green?
A poet sings: cit was but yesterday
she woke from Sleep" but he leaves us
entirely in the dark as to the precise time
at which she retired.
A mans liver weighs from four to five
pounds. Add to this the amount OF ''gall'
some men carry around with them, and
no wonder they look tired.
Secretary Teller has taken a trip to
Colorado. This teller must not be con-
fused with bank teller, and it is Colora-
do and not Canada he has gone to.
A man arrived in New York few days
ago with $3.50 fiddles. And yet England
makes great fuss if little dynamite
happens to go of on the island.
An exchange says a man begins to oc-
cupy half seat when he gets married.
This is true, and after the first baby
comes he begins to occupy half OF the
outside bed rail.
A soldier, telling his mother Of the ter
rible fire at Chickamauga, was asked by
her why he did not get behind tree.
''Tree! exclaimed he, ''there wasn't
enough for the officers"
s'Is your father at home, bubby?"
'sYeth, thir.', ''Can I see him?" ''No,
thir.'' ''Why not?" 'sCauth he'th lock-
ed up and mothers gone shopping with
the key of the room in her pocket
When the city man who was dining at
farm house asked the head of the family
ifhe had ''planted much hay this year.
there was such a painful silence that one
could hear the sheep tick i'm the pasture
half mile away.
'Oh," said the South Main street girl,
'sdidn't We have boss time at the pic
nic!" aDon't talk tfiat way" said the
Academy girl graduate; sthat's slang.
You should say. "Didn't we have supe-
rior season of recuperation at the out
ing"
Lille Devereaux Blake says sa bachel-
or is man who has lost the opportunity
of making some man miserable" Just
SO, Lille. 1t is impossible for fellow
to marry without making all the other
girls who happen to be in love with him
miserable.
Little Freddie was talking to his grand
ma who was something of sceptic.
''Grandma, do you belong to the Presby-
terian church?' ssNo." ssTo the Bap-
tist?" s'No." s'To any church," 'sNo.''
"Well, grandma, don't you think it's
about time to get in somewhere?"
He had his speech by heart, but the
| multitude frightened him. ssTwenty years
ago the place upon which you now stand
was a bowling wilderness!' he began
Not remembering the next sentence, he
repeated that one. There was applause.
| Still he forgot. Attempt No. 3 was as
follows; Twenty years ago the place on
which you stand was a bowling wilder
ness-and- -and-hang me if / don't wish
it was now.'