The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1884-03-28

The umbrella 10 the .best Christian |
after all. II always keeps lent.
The woman whe sailed with Noah
during the floed were the Hrst Ark
angels.
Love letters should be placed In
pigeon holes, because these places
are suggestive Of billing and COO
Ing.
"My faillngs to vlrtue's," is " hat
. topper said the other day while ball
ancing himself against the church
wall.
Candid Cuplds .were among the
ornaments at recent fashionable
dinner, and tho gentlemen present
tried hard TO discover which were
the most dressed-the sugar gods oi
the lady guests.
An experienced married man oI
Plattsburg says "If there Is one
time more than austhsr when O
woman should be entirely alone, II Is
when q full line OF clothes comes
down Ia the mud"
A dandy at q hotel table, who
wanted the milk passed 70 him, thus
asked for Il: "Plsase send your COW
this way" To whom the landlady
retortsd rs follows: walter, take
the COW down to where the calf Il
bleatlng."
A good old man, up Ia the North
Woods Of Pennsylvania, p went 70 pray
or meeting the other night, aud un-
Willingly fell asleep. He was called
up to offer prayer, and being dutiful-
ly punched by his petter half, bellow
ed out: "Hang 1t, Betsy, kindls |,
yourself"
A big Hoosier from the West, sr
paying his bill In London restau-
rant, was told that the sum put dowr
didn't include the waiter. "Wal,'
he roared, 'T dIda't eat any walter
did II" lie locked ss ifhe could
though, and there was no further dis
cussion.
Chow did you come 10 get mar
rled?" asked a man ola very home
ly friend. "Well, ysu see," he re-
piled, ''aiter I'd vaInly tried to wl6
several girls that I wanted, / finally
turned my attention 20 one that wan
ted me, and then IL dId't take lone
70 arrange matters,
eyes," she said, "Aary came nsal
being an old maid. You see, hel
father was governor, her brother I
colonel, and her brother-in-law wa
a scientist OF note. Being OF such &
distinguished family, she had 10 b
very particular whom she married
and she came blling near not gettlnt
anybody"
"You forgive your little cousin 70
whipping you, don't you, Charley
You knoT that the good angels Low,
little boys who forget and forgive.
81 amt mad with him any mor,
aunty, but I'm going nome to ca
lots OF oatmeal, and I'll bet car
lick him when l como back"
| An Iowa boy, aged Afteen, WORKED
a month for the physician OF th'
neighborhood, and was given, insteaC
of the sl0 which he expected, q re-
ceipted bill for professional service
which the doctor had rendered on th,
occasion Of his birth. The boy cal
now see that II would have been Sl(
In his pocket II he had never beel
born.
Il Is we'll enough to advise q youni
man TO overcome all obstacles b!
"taking the bull by the horns )" bu
when the youth Is In the middle o
the field and the bull Is coming to.
ward him with his hoad down anC
his tail lashing In the air, the you nI
man prefers to take the fence. /
would be decidedly unwhoIesome Il
take the bull by the horns under thes,
circumstances.
Gentleman to horse dealer:
"You fooled rae In that horse"
! "What, I? Nsveri"
eyes; you said that he had no d,
fsets, and I find that he is blind of ar
eye."
"Why, that's not defect that's
a misfortune"
| A New York optician says that b.
4 has n l. 4r