Daily Republican., 1884-09-24

worthy pair ret1reu 10 rest Without
barrin' the door," and in ths darkness
Of " the Silly night" large Newfound.
land dog managed TO effect an entrance
to the room where the husband and wife
were asleep. The dog set upa prolonged
series OF low, nonotOnOus means; great
ly terrifying the husband, who came to
the conclusion that it must be Old
Harry on a mission. The dog at last
when the gudeman gave utterauce To
the following: Oh, good Devil, don't
take me. Take Betty; she's at the back
O. the bed"
sec you are growing mustache,
George" said she, AZ she caressed the
lapel of his coat Yees," stammered
George, blushing furiously. IL am
trying to cultivate one, Arabella.
" Don't it feel funny on your lip ?" she
asked. Well, no." he laughed, re-
gaining his composure it seems to
be quite natural" L wonder how a
mustache would feel on my lip" with
a far away, absent look in her eyes.
" You needn't wonder long, then" said
George, as Ire bent down. oh, you
forward thing - she exclaimed, "I've
a good mind to mako YOU take that
back again." And he did.
Dear me-" gasped, Mrs. Knoawl,
!" here Is terrible item in the paper |!
My how the poor man must have suf-
tered =" What is it ?" asked her
husband, coming to her side. "Why,
one of those poor walking match fellows
swallow d a sponge |" What? Let
me see" A fter carefully reading the
article. Mr.. k-Shrew the paper down,
growing You women amt got q
grain of sense ; il doesn't say he swal-
lowed sponge" 81 know 1t DOESN'T,
in those exact Words" answered the
wife, then brightly continuing :" But
how could he throw up the sponge If he
didn't swallow it?"
Being at a farmers for little snipe-
shooting, the guests shouldered their
guns one morning and sailed forth.
Presently q single bird rose one of the
sportsmen took careful aim and fired.
The bird dropped dead. Noticing that
his hosts face bore q look of intense
disgust, he asked what allied him.
WE'LL" said he, strikes me we
mays we'll go back whoam. That be
the only .nipe on t'rarm. That burrd
have give all my friends sport for
months. for nary one of 'ein could hit
him"
The children of clergyman's family
were making themselves happy pro-
pounding conundrums Directly one
of them said Who was the meekest
woman?"The clergyman seemed struck
| with q fresh thought, and replied
quickly We don't read of any" But
madam made herself even with him
when she rejoined, with quite as much
Quickness Well, we read of only
one such man, and, from the fuss made
about him, it's plain they re scarce.
| I" So the engagement is broken off ?"
queried the first young lady as they sat
down in the carriage. Yes" And
you have sent back all his letters 2"
=" Every one." "And the locket?"
"Yes." And the diamond ring p"
eyes" wouldn't have done it. I'd
have kept the ring, anyhow" "Well,
1 did intend to; but the jeweler said the
stones were only glass, and l didn't
want to be at the trouble OF rubbing
them up with alcohol two or three
times day"
A Sarrister, noticing that the judge
before whom he was pleading had fAl.
len asleep, stopped short in the middle
of his speech. The sudden silence
awoke the judge, and the counsel grave
ly resumed AS l remarked yester
day, my lord" The puzzled Judge
stared In wonder, as though he hall
believed he had been asleep since ths
previous day.
At a legal investigation offs liquol
seizure, the judge asked an unwilling
witness "What was in the barre
that you had ?" The reply was
Well, your honor, it was marked
'whisky' on one end of the barrel, and
Pat Duffy ON the other, so l cam
say whether it was whisky or Pat DUFF
fly that was in the barrel, being as
am on my OATH"
1t was the funeral of The head of thu
family, 30 the story g oes. A neighbol
In the churchyard, while the servic,
was going on In the church, was speak
ing of the deceased, and took the oppor
tunity to observe, in tone of subdueC
sympathy "And he had just got hi
coal and pota for the winter. 1t II
q sad case"
Anything new or fresh this morn
Iing ?" reporter asked in q railway
office. Yes," replied the lone ocu
pant OF the apartment. What Is 1t p
asked the reporter. eagerly whipping
out his note book. That paint you ar
leaning against" That railwayman II
now In the hospital, and that reporter
is in jail.
Enthusiastic professor ofphysics, dis
cussing the organic and inorgani,
Kingdoms Now, If l should shu
Imy eyes-so-and drop my head-so-
and should not move, you would say
was clod But move, leap, run
then what do you call me?" Voice from
the rear :" A clodhopper." Class il
Idismis
All, my dear, how one changes
The first year of our marriage adoret
Jules" said young Parisienne to he
bosom friend "our happiness wa
cloudless - true paradise. Day ant
night overwhelmed him with caresses
iii could have eaten him !" An,
now ?"" Now regret did not do IL.
II A young lady had narrow escap
at fire a few nights since Abou
half of her back hair was burned
Fortunately she was not in the build
ing at the time, having put on he
,other hair and left the house only al
hour before before the fire broke out.
Il A little girl in Sunday school VIII
, had been pulling her doll to piece
. during the week, was asked by tn
: teacher "What was Adam mad
I, lofP" Dust" replied the little girl
/ "And what was Eve made OFF
d Z" Sawdust," was the answer.
. The telephone is in the Sandwich
'. Islands, and as Halo - In the nativ
ldialect Ia Kalaksih Standardization