The state journal., 1884-09-06
THE FUNNY ROYs.
What they are Saying Sure to Make "
Laugh,

What they are Saying Sure to Make you
Laugh,
Phila. ''Chronicle:" Beware of green
fruit. The fruit cannot help being green,
but you can.
'Pretzel's Weekly" Because the
human family was made of clay it is no
sign that all men are 'perfect bricks. "
"On City Derrick:"A crusty bachelor s
solace: There is one mitigation to our
grief-the girls can't wear jersey and q
Mother Hubbard at the same time.
N. Y. "Com. Adv" A lady reader of
the atlanta Constitution, asks if ugly
women ever have influence. Any in
fluence indeed ask the widow Butler.
The Judge" His lost opportunity
II don't think l shall go rowing with
you again soon" 'Why not, pray2"
'Becatlse YOU only hugged the shorer'
N. Y. journal" "Now this, " said
the western editor, as he read poem be-
ginning "COmc and drink, F" 'this is the
most inviting manuscript | ever re-
ceived."
N. Y. Lie" The man who remains out
till "a o'clock can be said to be having a
high old time. *%# Behind the bars
the singer that doesn't keep up with the
Washington "Hatchet:" An exchange
asserts that bride of sixty three years
recently sang song on her way to the
altar 1t was probably the song of the
ancient marryin' her.
Brooklyn Eagle" An eminent ply
sician says: "Put spoonful of sulphur
into each of your stockings and you will
never have the cholera" Land, no!
pnt As tufn oil IN-iSh
have it.
"Arkansaw Traveller ''Ah, Mr.
Hebbleton, ! hear that you have been
called to the ministry" "Well, | can
hardly term it cali. They only offer
me five hundred year. Sort of whiB
per, you understand"
Boston Transcript" Little Edith has
made discovery in natural philosophy.
She guesses the flies always turn their
faces to the wall because they are ashamed
of themselves for being such horrid nui-
sances to everybody.
Puck" A good scheme for getting
reputation for being fond Of works of art
and numbers of pictures is to lay in a lot
of nicely framed chromos, and have them
so heavily covered with mosquito netting
that no one can see the canvas.
Texas ''SlitlnGS. mere Is certainty
something the matter with this water,
said New York gentleman, testing q
glass Of Croton. why don't you send
it to water cure establishment re-
marked his precociOus son Tommy.
"Respected sir love thot knows
No equal in the land
Impes me here TO ask you
our lovely daughters hand"
"My daughters hand? Nay, nay! If such
Your hope, II best were dead.
But there the parent smOte the youth)
-Yonkers Gazette.
N. Y. Tribune" This is the time Of
the year when the chowdcr clubs go out
to the country in great style for a days
fun. 1t requires heavy wagon to carry
the beer which they intend to drink,
while small boy carries the chowder in
tin pail.
brakes Travellers Magazine" A
Sweet girl graduate" at commencement
read n very clever original essay entitled,
Deceit Crime Next day she paid
$15 for new set of bangs, and bought
corset with much plumpness where it
would do the most good.
"Pecl' Sum" An obituary that ap-
peared in an Austin paper winds up: 'He
was good man; he was born in Arkan-
saw, and has no doubt gone to better
land" The deceased can't help going
to better land than Arkansaw, even if
he had not led an upright life.
N. Y. "Graphic:" Now, my little
man." remarked the bishop to the Sun
day school scholar, 'you must look after
yourself closely in this life Engage in
lucrative employment that you may lay
up treasures in-what are you laughing
at, sir?" 'Please, sir, am 'prenticed to
plumber"
Cincinnati Merchant Traveller"
"Well, / do hope" said Mrs. Parvenu, as
she strolled across her elegant lawn in
Clifton, "if the cholera comes here this
year. it won assume an epiGermis FORM"
and she famed herself till her naughty
chin stuck out above her neck at an an
gle of S9l degrees,
Boston "Globc:" When Dusenbury
gets blue over the opportunities of his
creditors, he always writes to the CORE
spondence editor of his favoritc paper to
know the amount of the national debt in
in 1888. He says it is wonderfully sOoth
ing to read in cold type that is was ST.
1896, 481, 110. 1t makes him realize that
he has company in his misery.
Rochester Post Express" II hear
you have had a promotion. Glad to hear
of your good luck" Good luck You
don't call it good to be taken into part
nership, do your" ''Wel, yes should
think so. 1t gives man better chance
10 accumulate fortune" "Not when
he was cashier in the first place"
Phila Call" First Western man
(hOlding on to his hair) -'Mercy on us;
what a gale?" Second Western man
Gale Why, its only gentle breeze"
Breeze See the barn sailing through
the air? Great George It's a cyclone
"Oh, pshaw this is nothing. You
ought to be in our house sometime when
my wife gets started"
n Y. "Graphic:" ''Ah, bah Jove,"
observed De Smythe who has only
landed from England few weeks, to
pretty Miss Browne, "doncherknaw you
would adore Lunnon." 'Im not sure
of it" she replied with faint sigh Of
WEAKNESS. "Bah Jove! of course YOU
would. Everybody does, you knaw."
"Ahr' "Y -aa.s, | like an Englishman in
his own home. 80 do l." She replied.
20 talk TO me, my dearest love,
VI something noble, good and pure;
some SUBJECT lhat, Ike heaV II above,
Will ever for all time endure"
He cleared his throat and blinked his eyes
For he was up to divers tricks:
And then, with words so wOndrous wise
He talked to her OF politics.
~. y. Journal.
- A-
SCIENTIFIC NOTES,
Solid silver can be made TO have dead
surface by annealing the article and
plunging it into hot water aciduIated with
eulnhuric apid