Daily Republican., 1884-06-25
MIRTH AND MERRINENT

i
dress by splitting soup over 1t. She
naturod and calm mood that he fell in
love with and married her. Some time
after their marriage he referred to the
incident. She said she would never
forget 1t as long as she lived. Then he
told her it was then he made up his
mind he would like to marry her.
Eyes," she answered, 81 remember
behaving very we'll about it at the time;
but, good gracious, you should have
seen the marks of my teeth on the bed
post that night"
Little Nell: ooh, l have such good
news. Mamma and papa and are all
going to another city TO live" Visitor:
Indeed! You amaze me. What city
is III" Little Nell: 1t has such q
funny name. 1t is called Harry, and
it's an awful old city," Visitor: "Oh,
you must have heard the name wrong"
Little Nell: 'Oh, no, didn't. 1t was
at the breakfasttable. Papa told
man ma to go to the Old Harry, and
mamma told papa to 60 there himself,
and then I asked them to take me, and
they didn't say anything, but l know
they will
Sweetly explained. wish was
STAR" be said, smiling at his own po-
etc fancy. Il would rather you were
\ comet" she said, dreamily. His
heart beat tumultously. And why ?"
he asked, te nderly ,snd at the same time
taking her unresisting little hands in
his own. "And why ?" he repeated,
imperiously. "Oh," she said, with a
brooding earnestness that fell upon his
sou like bare feet on q cold oil-cloth,
because then you would come around
only once every fifteen hundred years.
Two ladies moving in the highest
society, during friendly meeting in
the street, got to quarreling about their
age, and used very strong language to-
ward each other. At last, as II to emil
the dispute, one OF them turned away
and said, in very conciliatory tone
of voice Let US not quarrel any
more. |, at least have not the heart to
do it. never knew who my mother
was she deserted ME when baby, and
who knows but that you may have
been the heartless parent p
What resemblance there is be-
tween you aud your husband, Mrs.
Smithy' said a friend of the family.
Did any one ever call your attention
to it before?" "Oh, yes" broke in
Henderson, they were walking down
the street together, and | heard man
remark, How much the woman looks
like her son!' :" No, no, that wasn't
IT," addod Henderson, seeing the cloud
| on Mrs. Smiths face: what he said
was, How much The old fellow looks
! like his mother
Mr.. FLEEING wan ted 10 leave the city
by the last train and not knowing when
| it, left, sent his servant to see, saying
"John, 10 down to tho station and see
what time the last train goes, and hur.
ry back and tell me-" John went off,
and did not return for more than two
hours, when he rushed back into the
room all Out Of breath. Where in the
world have you been all this time !"'
demanded the master. Train jlst left,
sir, this very minute" was johns
broken reply.
Indignant artist Go critic, who has
passed an uEfavorable Judgment upon
( his pictures) Nobody but n paint
er has a right 10 judge my work ; no.
body else knows anything about it. .
Critic (suavely, but not convincingly, :
"Ah, | see Then, unless you sell
your pictures to artists, you dispose OF
Them to people who know nothing
ABOUT art. | never before knew how
you managed to got rid OF them"
A wag says to one of his friends, in
the most solemn manner eff my
employer does not not take back
| what he said to me this morning, l
| shall leave the house." Why, what
did he say ?' "He told me that
could look for another place"
$50 you say your husband loves
you, Mary % ooh, he dotes wildly
upon NO." Indeed but he'll soon get
over that" What makes you think
so ?" Because men generally soon
get over saving their wild dotes."
Two Irishmen were in prison, the
ono for stealing COW, the other for
stealing a watch. Halo, Mike, what
o'clock 10 II ?" said the cow-stealer to
the other. " And sure. Pat, haven't
any time-piece handy but l think it
is most milking time.
Offering in Pieces. Mother: am
afraid Mr.. Crisscross Is not serious in
his intentions" Daughter: " He is
awfully bashful, you know; but he is
Offering himself piecemeal. Last night
Le wanted mo TO take his arm"
Patrick asked. can howl we know,
Jenny, when ye're dead-ye'er after
waking me livery time?" Bring me
glass O. whisky, an say, Here's till
yc, ,Jemmy!' an If don't rise up an
drink, then bury mel"
An Irishman wrote to his wife of a
sick brother: " If Jamie isn't dead yet,
remoind him of the twinty shiIlings he
owes me on the pigs; and If lie is, tell
him nos to give himself any consurrun
about it.
Whenever new and startling fact is
brought to light in science, people first
say =" 1t is lot true" then tnat IL is
contrary to religion = aud lastly, "that
every body knew it before"
A yender Of a universal medicine de-
cares that, If his prescription he fol-
lowed ;iterally,a "ure IL certain Fbis
medicine is 10 be taken informally, OK
;ernallySanh eCornally.'
"John," asked doctor of the apolh-
ecary 3 boy, odd Mrs. Green ct the
mruicine / ordered 2" " guess 40, !"
req led JobE, for | saw Grape gu the
door knob this morning.
" Are you ii!?" asked the physician +,
"let me see your tongue, please. " It's
no asa DOCTOR" replied the patient;
mo tongue can toll no" bad l feel.
man dreamed recently that his
aunt WAS dead. The dream proved
true lie tried the same dream on his
,nnther. .aw, buC it didn't work.
,;cl at school would like to have