The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-12-18
HUMOR.
A JusrIcE's pantaloons can hardly be
call d breaches of the peace.

A JUSTICES pantaloons can hardly be
call d brooches of the peace.
music hath charms to soothe q saw
age breast" Go West, you footing
bugler, go West -Preisers Weekly.
QuININE has not been so low ia price
for years, and fellow can better afford
to have his girl give him the shake this
year than at any other time.
"THEaE is no place like your home"
says the poet Right unless it's the
home of the young woman you're after.
This is, of course, an exception Flu
ture poets will please note It,
SAID an astronomer to a bright-eyed
girl, when talking Of ra nbows: Did
You ever see lunar bow, miss y i
have seen O beau by moonlight, il that
is what you mean," was the sly re
joinder
NEVER Judge q woman by the clothes
she wears. Many q fascinating woman,
covered with silks and founces and
furbelows, turns her toes In to such q
distressing extent that when she walks
her feet look ike an isosceles triangle
with the base omitted. Carl Pretzeps
Weekly.
"Now. LITTLE boy, what lis the mean
ing IF the word hypocr sy p asked an
Austin Sunday-school teacher of her
favor;.e pupil. Il can't explain it, but
/ know it all the same" ~Grve me an
example of hypocrisy" When fel
low saws he loves his Sunday -school
teacher. That's hypocrisy. "-1eras
Sitings.
Nor what he intended: He "a crack
tennis player >" It's splendid game,
isn't it? / really think that your sex
ought to get up testimonial to the in
ventor. It's the best game ever in
vented in which ladies can join" She
with brother in his university eleven)
Yes, that's what Jack says; sits
splendid game for ladies' and buffers"
THEY were discussing politics. If
you were marching in procession and
your torch went ont you wouldn't have
to call for MATCH" remarked Jones;
you could light it with your nose
"You could do better than that, re-
torted Smith; "you wouldn't need any
torch at ALL" Indeed replied Jones.
"No. All you would have to do would
be to light your breath. "-Neao York
Graphic.
A LADY in Ireland was asked by an
elderly reverend gentleman whom she
met in Dublin why it was that she was
not married. "You wouldn't ask that
question:" said the lady, IF you knew
the state of affairs in the city where
live. Why, there are seven ladies to
one gentleman in that place" And
I,,,< he. flav,
slyly asked the uestioner.-Ldscrence
| american.
"DoN'T you know" said o minister,
addressing a little boy who was fishing,
that God doesn't love little boys who
| fish Sundays?" Just then pull on
the line occurred, and the boy landed
two-pound trout. "Don't Hep" ex-
claimed the boy, placing the fish in
basket that contained about a dozen
Just like it. Don't He? You look in
that basket, mister, an see if he don't
Detroit Post.
FINALLY DROPPED ANCHOR.
Nv love was like a b oyant ship
Ger sunny waves at sea,
And in the voyage of my heart
She sailed away from me!
i followed in her flying wake
The waves grew strong and fleet;
passed by shoa of circumstance
And quicksands OF defeat!
But little winds of Coquetry
Still kept our lives apart,
Till in my cruise of love reached
The harbor OF her hearth
"WHY does the woman stand at the
corner with her gaze fastened on house
in the center of the block?" Because
she sees q red sign on the house, and
she thinks the place will suit her. Now
she is walking down. Yes, she likes
the location. 1t is handy to the cars,
and people on either side look as if they
would lend their hatirons aud wash
tubs" "Does she ring the bell?" "She
doth. 1t is answered by a solid woman
with sort of nitric-acid eye" And
after she has asked how much the rent
is, and how many children the neigh
bors have, and what society can be
looked for, and whether the landlord is
willing to make repairs, what hap
pens?" "Ob, nothing much. The
solid woman draws herself up, shuts
her teeth hard, and points to the sign
and Kisses: Idiot Can't you read ="
"And then ?" "And the other backs
down the steps, and reads: Scarlet
| favor herepu