Daily Republican., 1884-12-29
THE LINE KILN CLUB.

a. oOOn 40 tuO LnCOJluk OpOucd DIOJh-
or Gardner announced that Prof. Zol-
licOffer Shortrack, Of Meridian, Miss.
was In the ante room. The Professor
members of the club the benefit of his
experience in compounding cures for
chilblains. boils, ring worms, ETC., and
for the past three days had been ex-
perimenting ON number of individu.
ais. He had been asked to address the
meeting on the subject OF "Diseases,
Ailments and their Preventives and
Cures" and when the hall was ready
for his reception he entered with the air
OF man perfectly ut home In the high
est society. He would doubtless have
handled his subject in thorough and
able manner had not something occur
red TO prevent 1t.
Samuel Shin came limpiDg In as the
Professor TOOK the platform, and de-
mandod . chance to be heard. The
stranger had sold him box Of salve
tor 81 aud warranted II to knock his
chilbiains skyhish in six hours. In
stead of tho chilblains 1t was Samuel
who had been elevated about seventy
Ave feet, and he felt that he was still
rising His feet had been made SO
sore that locomotion was hardly posi-
BILE, and the pedals which formerly
slipped into No. IL boot without any
effUft could not now be induced to
enter q six inch stove Pipe.
Tho Hon. Oliver Cromwell Asbestos
followed Brother Shin. He had for
| years been troubled with wart on his
nose. The Professor had taxed him 81
for small phial Of liquid, aud warrant
ed 1t to run that wart into she back
countries inside Of day, and that with.
out pain to anybody. He wanted the
club TO gaze on his nose Indeed his
face was all nose, and the nose, was all
wart. Three different reputable physi
clans had plainly told bin that he
would never be pretty again.
The innocent. looking Pickles Smith
came third. For the last Ave years he
has had scar on his scalp, being the
result Of q blow from q stick Of wood
In the hands Of his devoted wife. The
Professor offered to remove the scar and
lcause o new growth of wool over the
spo, for the small sum of seventy-fivt
tcents. Pickles handed out the solid
leash and bowed his head to the yoke
lie wanted the club to gaze on tina
head, and pulled off his cap to give thu
members fair chance. Two-thirds OF
his wool had vanished, and the othel
third was Just dying to pull up stakes
while the scalp resembled dudes
crushed straw berry evening vest.
The Professor had been dreadful un
easy from the outset, and as Brothe'
ISmith exhibited his head the man Of
icures made bolt for the door. Before
reaching ID he was seized and tuns
down, and by the orders OF Brother
Gsrdner he was searched. An inspeo
ton Vt his pockets brought to ligh
thirty cents in cash, q remedy for bae
breath, u copy of the New York TT,
bune, In which Blaine's election wa
claimed by l, 800 plurality, and various
receipts for salves and liquids. Th'
money was divided among the thre
sufferers, and the Professor was thel
escorted to the alley door and given ,
start In the world. AS Givadam Jone
WAS the starter, and as he had on y nev
pair Of COW hides and plenty Of room Il
Swing his legs, the send-off wa
probably all that could be desired.
Which goes to PROVE" said Brothe
lGardner, M the ball recovered 1t
usual order, "dat while we mus pu
Imo' or less confidence In human natu
as we pass fro life, de manwho buys
lack knife widout ryin' de blades on
single may An within harder worl
dan hoein' con-"
r The Hon. Lay back Davidson Intro
duced the following preambles and roso
luton:
WHEREAS, At de late election d
GUILD element was represented on d
ticket of one or de oddor party In nu
merous instances and
WHEREAS, In each an cherry Case
80 fur as we kin parn, de culled cany
Idykate got sadly left now, darfore,
Resolved, Dat de hartfelt sympathie
OF dis club am heahby rendered to tn
culled candydate in dis his hour Q
Itribulashun."
Trustee Pullback had his mouth opel
eight inches wide TO move the adoptio
OF the resolution when Brother Gard
ner passed 1t through a broken pane Il
the alley window and observed.
"De resolushun am out O. order.
de culled man am fule huff to 60 int
q poly ticks he must expect to take hi
+ chance 'longside de white man. VIVA
he needs am less sympathy an me