Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-10-30
FUN.
HANNAH AND HER PIANO.

HANNAH AND HER PIANO.
''Pray, Jones, what's the matter 'rwixt Hannah
and yoaf
I'm told that your courtship is over; +
What caused you to leave her? She wasn't I'M
Art thou, then. recreant 1over!"
The matter with Hannah u.s. 'tWlXSt me and
She's learning to play the piano;
She bangs it increasingly, sings to it, too,
And that's what's the matter with HANNAH.
-Summerville Journal.
The Philadelphia Times advise
Morosini's son-in-law to 60 and be
a Niagara hackman, and look down
on the old man.
The Boston girl is considered &C
complished when she can sneeze
without dropping off her eyeglasses.
You can tell an -schoolmaster
every time. He always tries his chair
with his hand before sitting down on
it.
"Queen Victoria pays her chief
cook So, 500 a year, and yet she has
only oatmeal for breakfast" 1t is
worth So, 500 TO cook oatmeal SO that
it is worth eating.
At a recent marriage ceremony IN
one of the Province churches, the
contracting parties We're thirty min
utes behind time, and the organ peal
ed out: 80, dear, what can the matter
be-"
''The Modern Bartender's Guide
has just been issued by q New York
publisher. The modern bartender
doesn't need a guide so badly as the
modern young man who patronizes
the bar
Since the elopement Of New York
belle with her fathers coachman, it
has been suggested that the great
cloud hanging over many wealthy
families can be removed by teaching
the girls to walk or ride the bicycle.
5cene-Table d'hote at fashionable
hotel Deeside; big market day. Farm
er of the old school has dined. Waiter
FINISHED, sir?" Farmer" Fats
the charged" Waiter Five shillings,
please. Farmer (startled) : Give
shillings? Weel, I'm nae deem yet"
Resumes operations.
a young man blackened his nous
tache with lead comb, and then took
his girl out for a moonlight stroll.
When the fair one appeal ed in the
bright light of the family circle
a couple of hours later, her face look
ed like railroad map.
A girl at Fremont, Neb., has taken
the first prize for blowing the largest
ap-bubble at a church sociable.
And yet some people urge that church
sociables are productive of no real,
lasting benefit! Young men in Ere
mont, when Stocking for a wife, will
select some other girl-one less
liable to elbow them up" now and
then.
Aionz0 Moore of Cumberland, Pa,
put on an old pair of summer trousers
and found the right pocket unusually
heavy. He put il his hand and drew
out a black snake three feet long.
Ladies who are in the habit of going
through their husbands pockets
whenever they get a chance should
make note of this.
"Why Charley, old boy, howdy;
haven't seen you IN dogs age; where
are you going now with all those
traps?" queried Jenkins as he met
Charley Sanderson on his way to the
ferry
ooh; I'm off for Europe for a two
months trip"
Europe! Lord, you better keep
away from there; too much cholera"
''Hump: I'm not afraid of cholera,
I've been umpiring all summer; chol- |
era has no terrors for me-"
There are losses which people suffer
unconsciously, like that sustained by
the geclogist who hired Scotch gillie
TO carry his bag of specimens across
the mountains. "Etw was heavy load,
and just nothing but stones" said
Donald, relating his experiences to a
friend, ''and was not fool enough to
drag the pebbles guide ten miles.
Z just emptied the bag before started,
and filled it at the cairn last came
to, and the gentleman was just as
pleased" The unlucky geolsgist was
doubtless puzzled by the contents of
the bag when he came to examine it
later