The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-10-18
WIT AND lIUMOR.

30 you think John Is becoming
great man in the cityp' said farmer,
speaking of his absent son to a COM
panion OF the youth. "Great man!
should say so. Why. there amt bar
'eeper in the city hardly that he don't
call by his first name"
When Mrs. Homespun read in the
paper that Slappandash had 'failed for
100000" she said he was lucky fell
low. She thought-the innocent crea-
ture-that he got that much money by
failing? What ridiculous ideas the
women do have about business!
When Mrs. Pinaphore read that
"Foo Chow had fallen" she said that
this might be good news TO those who
liked the stuff, but she wouldn't buy
the mixture II 1t were to fall to three
cents quart. II is supposed the good
woman was thinking Of chow CHOW.
Said Jones: "We're going to run
Blifkins for Judge this fall" Said
Smith: "Blifkins! What does he know
about lawP" Nothing at all. He
never saw law book. That's the
reason we are going to run him. We
think that II he Is ignorant of law we
may get little justice"
Blunkin and his wife had been in
dulging in family discordance and
finally Mrs. b. exclaimed: "Well, I've
got my opinion of any man that talks
as you do" "Oh, have you! Well,
you can keep it if you want to-" mo.
l can't, either. It's so awfully bad al
ready that it won't keep"
What" asks very tender writer,
"what can take the place of babiesP"
Sh! Bend your ear little closer and
we'n tell you. Other babies. You
didn't suppose this years crop would
last forever. did you? Goodness, man,
it will be clear out OF style in eighteen
months. -Brooklyn Eagle.
The neatest fraud in Saratoga is said
to be girl who is apt at making such
very dislngenious remarks as this:
"Deary me, Sophy, you have just the
same perfume in your scent bottle that
your brother Dolph puts on his mus
tache." And then sho wonders wide
eyed what they are laughing at.
For the sake Of truth men should be
more careful how they talk. 1t was
but yesterday that we heard a gentle
man say OF pretty girl who had just
passed.: "She is q sweet girl" when
on investigation we found that he had
never even kissed her. Such talk is an
outrage on truth. kentucky State Jour-
nal.
A negro fell from four-story build
Ing in Charleston on the piazza shed
below. and, rolling oil, fell on the
ground in the yard. He was insens-
bic for short time, but quickly recov-
cred. and, on being asked II he was
seriously hurt he answered.: "Oh, no. "
He had fallen on his head, and no bones
were broken.
1t is said that the sanitary condition
Of Toulon is so bad that it catches all
the infectious diseases going. Up to
the hour Of going to press, however, it
had not caught the baseball fever, and
the European papers, therefore, are a
little previous in demanding that the
town DO torn down and rebuilt. Nor.
ristolon Herald.
Masked hugging parties are popular
at church fairs In Missouri by pay
ing ID cents man is allowed to hug a
girl, but he is first blindfolded. 1t
makes man awful mad to find, on re.
moving the bandage from his eyes,
that he has been hugging his own wife.
Fifteen cents gone for nothing. SOM
eruille Journal.
About two hundred different guide
books TO summer resorts have been re-
ceived in this Office. They are very
pretty, but lack something. We have
been trying to think what it was for a
month back, and It has just occurred
to us that the only thing to make them
q thing of beauty and JOY forever is a
pass accompanying each. Brooklyn
Times.
First cotton planter-"Well, Green,
hear you done knocked down man
on the steamboat t'other day." Sec
ond planter-"Ycs; one Of them cotton
cotton spectators came up and asked
mo to give him an example of my cot.
ton. fdffuscd. whereupon he consult
cd me; then | picked up one Of them
windlass chairs and knocked him pros
porous. "-Harper'S. Bdzar.
A teacher asked q bright little girl
the other day what country was oppo-
site to us on tho globe. "a don't know.
SIR" was tho reply. well, now"
pursued the teacher, 'f were to bore
q hole through the earth and you were
TO 90 in at this end, where would you
come outp" "Out of tho hole, sir"
said tho pupil in triumph. -New York
World.
"How wet the poor dear boys hair
is" exclaimed the loving mother, as
she placed her hand tenderly upon her
child's head. playing out in the
hot sun makes tho perspiration start
from every pore" And little William
Henry turned aside rs he thought to
himself that he would 20 In swimming
again Just as often as no could while
the hot weather lasted. -Lo,0el GU
sen.
Scene at tho San jose train: Gen.
tleman In seat Enter lady. Gentle
man rises, gives his seat to lady, leaves
his valise under tho seat, goes into the
smoking car. Next station. Young
lady looking out at window Man