Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-09-25

81 know" returned the farmer "but l
was thinking how like Jehu that little thing
must 60 when fellow is eating rice and
milk"
How TO KEEP A APLEDGE.-Pete Fowler,
although somewhat addicted to drink, had
considerable literary taste. He was great
borrower of books, but he rarely returned
any, owing more to carelessness than to any
thing else. His friends had frequently got
him to sign the pledge, but he invariably
went back on it. He was complaining one
day to friend of his inability to keep his
pledge, when the latter said: "I'll tell you,
Pete, how you can keep your pledge"
"How can I keep the pledge?" asked Pete,
swinging helplessly to lamp-post. EASY
enough. The next time you borrow book
put the pledge in it. Then you'll keep it
for good."-Isras SJtuags.
SOMETHING LACKING.-Baker-"
mum; 1 now put my name on my bread
to prevent my rivals from initiating my
loaves and getting my CUSTOM"
Housekeeper-"A wise precaution. But
was that bread you left here yesterday
genuine ?'
"Oh, yes, num-"
"Thenn 1 would suggest that you add
something beside your name to the loaves."
Certainly, mum, if you say so. What
is it?''
"The date."- -Philaaezphia CuU.
BLEss1Nes.-City Cousins-"We are hav-
ing such nice time here this summer. We
shall have to come every summer. The
farm is such lovely place forthe children"
Farmer JOhn-"Ahem ~
GLOW nice it is to have relations. Don't
you think relations are blessings, Cousin
John ?"
cum! All! Yes, of course. That's what
"The poet ?"
Eyes. He says Blessings brighten as
they take their flight. .'"-PhHadelphia CaU.
A SIGN OF C1v1L1zAT1oN.-This is all
nonsense about Russia being behind the
times" said wall street banker, who was
reading newspaper to another gentleman.
81 don't know, but don't think there is
much civilization in Russia"
"You don't eh? Well just read this ac-
count of a government official having, got
ten away with 10,0O0,O00 rubles. If that's
not a sign of civilization then we Amerl-
cans are a race of barbarians." s."-1erds SJt-
nags.
A HARD DEATH.-"Did the remains in
dicate in any way that the man died hard ~
asked the coroner.
eyes, sir"
"You noted signs of struggle, did you
something tending to show that the poor
fellow defended himself?"
'NO, sir"
"What reason, then, have you for think
ing that the man died hard 2"
HBecause when found him he was fro
zen solid.
A SURE sHor.-"I understand that you
have fought a duel with your old enemy,
Snarley 81 eyes" "What was the re-
suit p" "Why, when they brought the pis-
tolls on to the field, I discovered they were
some of my own make. l manufactured
in all the Juvenile and religious journals,
and sell them cheap" ''Yes?" "Well, /
refused to take either, but magnanimously
permitted Snarley to keep them both."
ssWell?" "That was all; he fell dead at
the first fire."
GooD DEFIN1TIoN.-Little Ned-"What
did papa mean when he said sister Edith
must stop getting surreptitious letters ::
What kind of letters is them ?"
Little Nell-"Why, don'tyou know, they
is love letters. Her beau leaves them IN a
little box under the shrubbery and Edith
gets them."
Little Ned-"But why is they called
that ?" =.
Little Nell-"Why they is called syrupti-
tious cause they's so sweet, you knoW-Just
like molasses."
MEDICAL A1D.-"How is your husband
to-day, Mrs. Jones 2"
"He is very ill indeed"
"Worse than he was?"
ooh! yes; the nurse says he is beyond
the reach of the doctors, now."
"I'm glad to hear it."
"What?" What?"
"I,m clad to hear it. Now, if you can
only keep him beyond their reach, think
he will get we'll rapidly. ."-Merchaat- 1Tao-
eler.
ACo-LABoRER.-"I don't know you, sir"
remarked DR.. Podger, as he attempted to
shut the door in his visitors face.
''Don't know me? That's queer. I've
'You are mistaken, sir. never employ
ed you in my life"
''That may be so, but still have worked
for you for great many years"
"What is your business"'
"pm Brown, the undertaken"
A FINISHED EDUCATION.--Mrs. De
Jones-"Your son is in Canada, believe"
Mrs. Won Brownies, the dear boy pre-
lerreu lle Ciluiale. 1ho iie'o iiioAo ''o W.
study, too"
Mrs. De Jones-'He is very finely educa-
ted. I understand. Strange he ever went
into a bank. Did he ever go through col
legew .,.,
Mrs. Won BroWn-"No. He went through
the k."-Graphic.
WHEN REST IS Most NEEDED.-A young
lady who was sufferer from asthma was
fond Of sleeping late in the morning. One
day companion called her to breakfast at
at a reasonable hour. The lady yaWned,
stretched and rolled over for another nap,
saving "I don't care for breakfast let me
alone. think it's real mean that a person
cannot be allowed to have a little rest in the
morning after hard nights sleep."-Ctica
Observer.
naP WHEN THE OLD WOUND HURTS
Speaking of the time he was wounded, ex-
Governor Oglesby said, the other day, the
ball did not hurt him until after he was al
most jolted to death in an ambulance.
"DOes the old wound hurt you much
now?' inquired a sympathetic listener
"Bless you, no." replied Uncle Dick, ex-
cept every four years when L want to run
for Office. ."-Chicogo Ne'cs.
b~One day while Mr.. Cooper was dining
with an English joker, he poured out some
native Wine-wine from grapes raised IN
his own garden. Taking up a glass and
looking through it with pride, Cooper re-
marked "NoW Mr.. Stebbins, I call this
good, honest wine." eyes, Mr.. Cooper, L
agree with you; it is good honest vine
poor, but honest" Mr.. Cooper went on tel
ling his Injun stories.-Ht Perkins.
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