The Wilmingtonian., 1884-12-13
HUMOROUS.
A GREAT SCHEME.

GREAT SCHEME,
.''No, zir, gannod drust you for dot
pants"
'Why not, Mr.. Grindsteinp"
because you never will bay me-"
81 know, but I've got scheme by which
you can make some money"
"Vat ish dot?"
'You know Goldspecke, your riva
across the streetP''
eyes"
"Well, if tell him that you trusted me for
pair of pants, he'll trust me for coat and
vest. Don't you see9 A coat and vest are
worth five times as much as pair of pants
You'll lose only "a while he is losing $50.
'Vell, on dose conditions you can have
der pants"
Two ladies called at the Custom House to
see about getting some important articles
out Of the hands of tie government officers.
A coult teous deputy collector informed them
that itwould be necessary for the owner to
take an oath as to their character. This
statement caused the elder lady evident
distress. She remarked uneasily that she
did not want to swear.
ut is absolutely necessary that you
should, replied the officer, and he immed-
lately read very rapidly, the usual form,
and you do solemnly, sincerely and truly
swear" etc.
The lady cast an appealing glance at the
imperturbable officer, then looked resignedly
at her smiling companion and said:
| "Well, suppose If | must must, but
che Lord have mercy on my soul-d-n it,"
The astonished deputy collector explained
to the lady the nature of the oath required.
Anon.
A MASH.
81 wonder if that pretty girl over there is
not flirt," said one drummer to another
on an incoming Illinois Central train the
other day.
''She looks lik @ it," said his companion,
and what is more, she and have passed
good many happy hours together, I've
stald many night at her fathers house,
but don't do that any more, ami if you
can make mash on her, go ahead.
The other drummer went over to where
she sat; and said:
"Perlnt me, Madame"
Certainly" she replied.
"My friend over there says he has known
you for some time" he continued as he sat
down. She blushed and smiled sweetly as
she acknowledged the old acquaintance.
every fine fellow" said the drummer.
"I-I think he's ever so NICE" said the
woman ufodestly.
'Bully fellow, but he amt very popular
with the girls. Don't seem to care much
about em.'
"Don't hep" she archly inquired.
''Not very much.'
81 like him ever so much. have thought
the world Of him for a long time
"Happy old BOY Say, you couldn't love
me little as his proxy, could youpn
Goodness, nol''
"Well, that's pretty tough ON me; but if
you think so much of him, I'll get up and
let him come over and and sit by your"
ooh, wish yen would,
"The masher looked red and blue by
turns, and got up and went over and told
his companion what she had said, and add
ed.
'Say, old fellow, you've got her dead.
She's mashed on you the worst way,
and wants you to come over and sit by
her."
SIS that SOP" queried the other, with a
satisfied smile, arising and bowing to the
lady, who beckoned him over to a seat with
her, and then he went over and put his arm
around her, and when the conductor came
along he pointed them out to him and began
to tell him what a mash the other fellow had
made, when the conductor smiled blandly,
and told him to go and soak his head; that
that was the other drnmmer's wife, and
that he had know her ever since she was a
baby. The masher got off the first time
they came up with a freight train, and
went the balance of the way as live
beef.