davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mohave County miner., 1884-03-30
Borrowed Wit.

Always ln neeo-GnouSn es
 An awful thaw it-January slush
 Brought up on the bottls-Cob. webs.
 Patch work Shooting melon thieves.
 It will be an open wintsr-next spring.
 A poetic license is often lie with out sense.
 A slippery sidewalk is no respecter for persons.
 A man named Beers is a dancing master in Minnesota. He is full ot hops.
 It is said that the Chinese giant speaks seven languages. He is not 8 tall ignorant.
 When tramp meets tramp then comes the tomato can.
 A high-toned belle often stosps to a wedding ring.
 A hornets melody consists of bis sting a-linga-ling.
 Jumping at a conclusion-The leap year proposal of merry maid en.
 Many a man who is under an cbli- gation, finds the burden too heavy for hIm.
 The hod carrier always commences at the bottom of the ladder and finds room enough at the top.
 Speaking of the habit of close ob servation, did it ever occur to you that women were clothes observ' CTS.
 Eighteen hundred and eighty-four is proving to be a year of horror. But what better can be expected of a leap year.
 A Georgia lad, ten years of age, has developed a full grown beard within 8 few week. Another dime musuem made happy.
 The principal fun in sleighing IS to see how far you can drive without getting your ears frost-bitten.
 "It is the unexpected that always happens" remarked long neglected wife as her husband kissed her when he came home one evening.
 An Eastern paper advertises the forth coming of new novel, entitled "Hicm It Is doubtless New York story.
 People pity the deaf and dumb, and yet they wake at night swear ing at the tom cats out on the back fence.
 A doctor of Columbus has been experimenting to see how many times a bee can sting. The insect lifted him seven times in two minutes and he was good natured bee at that.
 You are 8 rum one," said the bar keeper to tue tramp who begged for a little San,a Cruz. ''Not by jug full" returned the hummer, as he quickly inverted an empty stone jar
 A savings bank cashier in Wiscon- sin has inst died from the bite of a mad cat. Friends of the cat ask for a suspension of public opinion until the banks accounts can be investiga- ted.
 "The difference" said Twistem, 'between a good-natured lover and a bleak, open plain, appears to be this Ones a mild wooer and the others a wild moor"
 An Allsghany man with six foot wife says, that the difference between him and baseball club IS, that he has a tall bosser and the club bas g ball tosser-
 Fifty years hence: "Where there's will there's a weigh" remarked the paper dealsr, as he placed the last testament of the snowman, Barnum on the scales.
 When Manden hired girl was told to see that the weeks washing was properly mangled, she called 1T the family bulldog, and the job wal done to her eminent satisfac tion.
 A Massachusetts widow dresses II mourning and wears bangs made O her departed husbands hair. Sh' prudently had saved for that purpos' all that she had pulled out before hi death.
 Says the Philadelphia Record: 4
Mohave County miner., 1884-03-30

A busy doctor sent in a certificate of death, and accidently signed his name Tn the space for "cause of death"
Mohave County miner., 1884-03-30

FUN AND CANDY.-It is impossible to have more fun these long evenings than by ma king candy at home. You can learn hoy& to make every kind of fine candy sold at th best confectionery stores in the cities, fro that valuable book. 'How Tc MAKE CANDY No home can afford to be without 1t. postpaid for 30 cts in one or two stamps. Address
 THE HOUSEWIFE, Rochest
Mohave County miner., 1884-03-30

An old band-ditty-"My name i' Captain Kidd"
Mohave County miner., 1884-03-30

Entered at the postofice in Mineral Park sS second-class matter.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
Fishing in Sitks Bay.
Chicago Tribune.


Drop hook in any Of these inn
mense stretches of inland waters, and
especially amid the Alexandrlne
Archipelago, and in a moment a fish
Will be at the bait. Rock cod, hall
but weighing from 40 to $50 pounds,
salmon till all the streams and BAYS
and the herringl A fish story here
will be apropos During the spring
of 1881 the writer was in Sitka, and
was a witness to one of the most
wonderful sights in the Bay of Sitka.
For moe than a week the water of
the bay, covering an area of fifteen
or twenty square miles, was as white
as milk with fish spawn, extending as
far as the eye could see. The herring
were so numerous that the people
were gathering them from the water
along the beach with their hands and
filing baskets with them. The In
dians placed spruce boughs in the
water, and when these were taken out
not a particle of the original green
but what was covered with thick
coating of eggs. An Indian in a
canoe, with a stick about soven feet
long, and for distance of about two
feet studded with nails, points out
ward, piled the water with this crude
implement, each dip in the water
bring up from two to seven fish, and
filling his canoe in somewhat less
than forty-fve minutes.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
HORACE GREELRY's SLIPPERS.
Wade From "a Mathematics Skin in
Is43 and Now Worn by His Brother.

In 1S43 Horace Greeley established
a coloney in Lackawaxen township
Pike county, Pa, to test the value of
Charles Fourier's social theories. John
Dutton, now a resident of Port Jervis
n. Y, was an original member Of
the colony. He had charge of the
shop. On one of Mr.. Greeley's visits
to the colony ne was walking across a
field when he saw an enormous rattle
snake lying o few feet ahead of him.
and springing It's rattle Justify. Mr.
Dutton was near and killed the snake.
1t was of unusual size and Mr..
Greeley admired the beauty and re-
markable brilliancy of the marking
on its skin. Mr.. Dutton tanned the
skin after a Pike county process that
preserves its elasticity and brilliancy
From it he fashioned a pair of slip
pers. and when Mr.. Greeley came up
again Mr.. Dutton presented them to
him. He was greatly pleased with
them, but after the failure of the
Fourierite experiment, in which Mr.
Greeley sank $4,000, he became very
bitter against Pike county and could
not abide anything that reminded
him of it, and he gave the slippers to
a brother of his who lives in west
ern Pennsylvania, who has them
vet.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
4 Live Head in Soup.
New York Sun

You will hardly credit it, said
Staten Island fisherman whom re
porter talked with the other day,
but the head of turtle will retain
very marked interest in existance
long after its body has been served up
in soups and steaks. | believe it is p.
well-known fact, but / cnly discover
ed it six months ago. | found a
friend engaged in Smelling n small
turtle. Now he said, putting the
head ON the dresser, that will be alive
and active tomorrow morning. OF
course | laughed at him, but agreed
10 call next day and test his prophecy.
Next morning my friend asked me TO
step into the kitchen. The head was
still on the dresser, and though it had
been separated from the body for at
least sixteen hours, the eyes were
wide open and bright, as | put my
finger near the mouth. His warning
came not a second too soon. The
head of the turtle absolutely jumped
at me. Where its motive power came
from | can not explain, but II moved
two inches toward me, and snapped at
my finger with 8 viciousness that
could not have been surpassed by a
cornered rat | think it has been
holding back its life, as men of strong
will power, for fixed purposes, have
been kaown to do, until an oppor-
tunity offered to avenge the desurtlc-
ton Of its body, for after it had made
the effort its eyes grew tixed and
tilnsy, and in an hour it was dead.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
A Nottingham at Hawarden.
Pail Mall Gazette.

w. Crosbie sends a letter received
the other day from one of the work
inglnen in Derby, who presented Mr..
Gladstone recently with the desert
service of Derby china.
II must not waste your time with
any minute or extended description
of the various incidents which oc-
Cured during our visit. But to us
gorkingmen these incidents are
fraught with the deepest interest The
charming union of dignity, simplicity
and kindness IN Mr., Gladstone's man
ner l cannot describe We were re-
ceived by Mr. and Mrs Gladstone not
with cold politeness, nor mere refined
courtesy, but with manifest cordiality
and warmth of feeling, such as par
ents might exhibit to upgrown sons
come home after long absence to
spend their Christmas holiday. The
sons and daughters of the premier
were equally pleasant and attentive.
Nothing vas omitted that kindness
could devise to make the day at Ha
warden a real red letter day to us. We
we're all highly delighted with our
visit, and the entire proceedings were
pronounced a great success. Mr.. and
Mrs Gladstone expressed themselves
as greatly pleased with the present
we took them, as you will have gath
cred from the public prints. The des-
sert service is to be lent to our Derby
Art Gallery for exhibition for a month
and then it will be forwarded to
Downing street for the inspection Of
good people there. / had never seen
Mr. Gladstone before; but on Satur
day l was one of the common people
who heard him gladly, and at lun-
cheon had the high honor Of sitting
at his right hand and being served by
INN; and no baron or knight of old,
ever entertained his retainers in more
knlghtly style. "
The writer of the letter, of which
the above is an extract, is a mechanic,
earning weekly wages at the Midland
Railway Locomotive works, Derby,
and he composed the address which
accompanied the dessert service, writ.
ing and rewriting it, until it fulfilled
ms idea
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

DR.. j. n. Smoot writes: Il am told
by a man who lives in this neighbor-
hood. how to prevent the moth troub-
ing bees. He processes to know much
about the little fellows, and says, at
the season of the year when the fly
comes, to build fire in the apary
every evening at sundown, and keep
z blazing until two hours after dark
lie says the fly will fly into the fire
and burn ap; will it do! | was troub-
,ed with moths in colonies very much
last year
The plan your neighors offers might
catch some moths, while others might
not be thus caught. Such method
would be disagreeable, troublesome
and dangerous in most apiaries. a
9eiier plan is to take a tin cake dish
which has a tin mole in the center,
pat lighted candle in the hole and
water Hnder it in the dish; let the
candle be short, to bring the blaze
near the water. What is better still
lan this plan, Is to keep your colo
.'rs normally strong compared TO the
= ps ID their possession, and have
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
A Trick of Imagination.

4 young man near st. Michael's,
Md, became so impressed with an ac-
cident that recently befell a friend of
his that while chopping wood he sud
denly felt pain in his foot as if he
had cut it. and without investigating
started home limping most painfully.
On the way he met his father, whom
he informed that he had cut his foot
half of-he knew it because he could
not move his toes. The father picked
HIM up tenderly and carried him
home, where, upon examination, il
was found that there was not a scratch
nor even a bruise on the place Of
which the son complained. His i'm
agination mad played a trick on
him.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
Methods Of Making Cake.
From the New Yor1 Tribune

Miss Parloa's lesson at her cooking
school yesterday was on various kinds
of cake and methods of decorating it.
She first gave the recipe for pound
cake in cup measures. She took one
and a half cups of butter and creamed
it in a bowl, which was heated by
pouring hot water in it, and quickly
turning it out. Three cups of sugar
were then stirred in, and an even
seaspoonful of mace and a wineglass
of Sicily MADEIRA wine was added.
The yolk of ten eggs, which were
thoroughly beaten, were then added,
and the whites of ten eggs beaten stiff,
and finally four cups of flour. After
a vigorous beating the cake was pour
ed into the pans and baked forty min
utes.
While the pound cake YVES baking,
Miss Parloa prepared sponge cake. She
took two eggs and weighed out their
weight in sugar and half their weight
in sifted flour. The yolkS and whites
of the eggs were separated, and, after
beating the whites to foam with a
Doree egg-beater, they were beaten
stiff with an egg-whip, The yolks of
the eggs, in another bowl, were beat
en- with Doree egg-beater, the yellow
rind of lemon was added, and final
ly the sugar and the mixture were
stirred with an egg-whip. The sifted
flour and the whites of the eggs were
then added alternately, and when all
ingredients were together they were
stirred just enough to mix them well.
The cake was poured into deep tins
with straight sides, and baked in a
moderate oven for three quarters of an
hour.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

BLESSINGS on the laughers, no mat
ter of what style. OF course we all
like he-he-he, or ho-ho-ho, or haw-
haw-haw; but give them all well
come. The worst of them are thous-
and times better than the winners.
Hearty daughters is better than pills
for dyspepsia, better than choral for
neuralgia, and better than balSam for
consumption. Come ca brothers and
sisters with your ha-ha-ha, and your
ho-ho-ho, and your haw-haw-haw, and
all the varieties, you are welcome.
But you long-faced, whining, groan-
ing wretches, avauntl / would rath
err have the cholera come this way
than you. Why don't you cut your
Threats? will sit on your case as a
juror and bring ia case of justihable
suicide. Do LelUis.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
Loss and Gain.
CrAPTEN T.
Il was taken sick year ago
With bilious fever"

my doctor pronounced me cured, but
got sick agail, with terrible pains in
my back and Sides and got SO bad
Could not novel
From 22S lbs to 1907 l had been doc
toring for my liver, but il did me no
good. did not expect 10 live nero than
three months began TO use Hop Bit
tiers. Directly my appetite returned, m
pains left me, my entire system SCENE
renewed as If by magic, and after usin
several bottles | am not only as SCUM
as a sovereign but weigh more than
did before To Hop Bitters | owe m,
life" r. FITZPATRICK.
Dublin, June 6, 81.
CHLFTEK II.
maiden Mass, Feb I, 1880 Gentlemen
suffered with attacks OF sick headache,
Neuralgia, female trouble, for years
the most terrible and excrdtiating man
ner.
No medicine or doctor could give m
relief or cure until used Hop Bitters
Tho first bottle
Nearly cured me-"
The second made me as well an
strong as when child.
"And have been 50 to this day"
My husband was an invalid for twenty
years with serious
kidney, liver and urinary complaint
Pronounced by Boston's best ply
sicians--
Incurablel"
Seven bottles of your bitters cured hin
and I.know Of the
"Lives of eight persons
In my neighborhood that have been
saved by your bittars
"And many more are using them with
great benefit
They almost
Do miracles?" Mrs. p. d. Slack.
How TO CIR SfcK.-Fxpose yourself day nnt
night; eat too much without exercise, work toe
nard without rest doctor all tho time; take Al
the vile nostrnms advertised and then you will
want TO know hoto TO get Deil which Ia answere
| IN three wonls-Take Hop Bittenl
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

Ivan Llanos Y. Keats, Keats
nephew, son of Keats only sister,
Fanny, is earning some repute as a
painter at Madrid. Many years ago
Fanny Keats made Spain her home.
She married Senior Llanos, Spanish
gentleman Of some distinction in pol
tics, and author of Don Estebar' and
other works
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
Hard TO Believe

ID is hard to believe that man was cured Of a
Kidney disease after his body was swollen as big
rs "a barrel aud he had been given mp as incurabc
aud lay at deaths door. Yet such "A cure was ac-
complished by Kidney Wort in the person Of h
~. DeyereauN OF lona, Mich, who says. AFTER
thnteen OF the best doctors in Detroit Mad given
me up, was cured by Kidney Wort. want every
liIe " kunN what a Dnnm ID Is.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

everywhere are refusing 10 take white, lardy look
ing butter except at grease prices. Consum
ers want nothing but gilt edged butter and buy
ers therefore recommend their patrons TO keep Il
uniform color throughout the year by using the
Improved Butter Color made by Wells, Richard
son n Co, Burlington. VI IL is the only color
that can be relied on TO never iniure the butter
and TO always give the perfect color Sold by
druggists and merchants
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

MILK is called by some constipating
food, and food likely to produce bill
lousness. But without just reason.
Every constituent of milk can be as
simulated and there is no waste in it,
SO there is nothing left to cause any
action of the bowels. If milk were
taken INTO the stomach as slowly and
were as perfectly mingled with 8aliva
as is an equivalent amount Of solid
food, when slowly eaten and thorough
ly masticated, the probabilities are
that the liver would not be stimulated
TO send bile into the stomach, where
it doesn't belong, to aid in digesting
the milk. So milk should be slipped
slowly and with pauses between, not
gulped at draught. Those who are
troubled with headache after eating
should drink milk very slowly or not
at all. The acids of the stomach CON
vert it promptly into curd, and every
body knows that curd like cheese is
very hearty food
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
"Humbug," "Skedaddlc" and Dude.

Nobody ever saw the word "hum-
bug" until it was first scrwled on the
walls of Dublin and "skedaddle" was
unknown in our language until July
81, 1861, at the battle of Bull Run.
These terms, like that of dude, :"
sprang into existence almost without
volition, and each in its way expressed
a new shade of meaning and caught
the ear of the public. Strictly speak
ing, the word dude" is applied to
those who initiate some cl IS of En-
glish life, but man may be dude"
and wear homespun. The dude" was
not content to be fop alone-a mere
imitator as to eyeglass and dress-he
must imitate the language of Hounds
ditch and the society flop of England.
His mission is merely to stand at the
crossroads of time, and show us where
not to go.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
Where Shakespeare Missed 1t.
London Punch

Mrs. Ramsbottom say 4 prefer
Shakespeare's hysterical plays to al
others, though ] like his sentimental
and rheumatic plays very much. !
But She says she cannot understand
why he didn't make play out Of the
sad story Of Oliver Cromwell and
Charles the First.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

them possess a portion of Italian
blood. Keep all pieces of comb out
of the way of moths, giving them no
chance to breed about your premises
outside of hives, and the bees viii
take care of the rest. Am. Bee Jour
nal
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
Enduring Parchments.
Cincinnati saturday Night

An advertisement in a New York
newspaper that a widow will dispose
Of her late husbands medical diploma
gives strength to the assertion that
doctors may come and doctors may
90. but the parchments go on forever:
Is there anything that money will
not buy.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

Or. S p Britain says. "As rule physicians
do not by their professional methods build up the
female constitution, and they seldom cure the
diseases to which il is always liable in our yaIia
Die climate and under our imperfect civilization.
Special remedies are often required to restore or
ganic harmony and TO strengthen tho enfse1led
powers Of womanhood and for most OF these We
are Indebted TO persons outside Of the MEDICAL
profession Among the yety best OF these rem
edies assign a prominent place so Mrs Pink
hams Vegetable COMPOUND. y
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

Jean Dampt has received a Govern
ment commission to execute a bust Of
George Bizet, the composer, for the
FOYER Of the Paris Opera Comiaue.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

1t is said that a cooperative pub
fishing company Of authors is to be
organized in England for the discom-
future of the ''grasping British pub
Usher
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

The smal-seeded fruits, such as
blackberries, & gs, raspberries, straw
berries, grapes, etc, may be classed
among the best foods and medicines
The sugar in ther" is nutritious, the
acid is cooling and purifying, and the
seeds are laxative. We would be
much the gamer if we would look
more to our gardens and orchards for
our medicines, and less to our drug
stores. To cure a fever or act on the
kidney, no febrifuge or diuretic supe-
rior to watermelons, which may, with
very few exceptions, be taken IN sick
ness and in health in almost unlim-
tied quantities, not only without in
jury, but with positive benefit. But
ia using them, the water or juice
should be taken, excluding the pulp;
and the melons should be fresh and
ripe, but not overripe and stale.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

The Cape Cod ship canal, when
completed will do away with naviga
ton around Devils Bridge, the spot
on which the City of Columbus was
wrecked
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
The Latest Invention
Arkansas Traveller.

Every effort to invent acotten
picking machine has proved unsuc-
cessful. The last machine, invented
by an Arkansas man, tore off the
operators clothes, threw him over the
fence, and then hobbled off like a
wound grasshopper.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

The reports of the discovery Of enor
mously rich gold placers in the CGur
dAlene Mountains, Idaho, are pro
neunced greatly exaggerated by Prof.
Herman, who has examined the
country
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

Chronic Catarrh.-I have suffered fer
years from Chronic Catarrh, Six weeks ago |
was induced TO try Elys Cream Balm. Relief was
instantaneous and continued use has resulted in
an almost complete cure $ NJ. GREEN Book.
keeper Steamboat Co. Catski n. Y.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

Mutso Hito ], Emperor OF Japan,
who is now 80 years old, is the l23d
sovereign OF that country. lie has
reigned since the death of his father
Ia 1867. His is the only dynasty chat
has ruled in Japan, and began eco s.
G. There is no other monarch IN the
world who can boast so nnbroken a
descent from so ancient stock.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

De laugh what doan' come nachul
CRATES mighty harsh on de human
ear. De dry, hoarse laugh o de
owl makes a chicken feel mighty on
easy.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
Cured CIergymen

Rev. J. S. Caultan, OF Circlev!lle, Kansas says
Dr. Warner your White W ne Of Tar syrup mas
been in my family Ind found TO be all and even
more .haa you claim Of it. II is a speedy cure
for all Throas and Lung diseases
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

Bills amounting to $1,250,O 600 for
damages done by the Union Armies
in the Civil War have been introduc-
ed into the present Congress.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21
Shun the Plague.

Montague, the French philosopher. stunned
mclanghOliC and sour yisage1 men as he would
tae plague. Aliens Iron Tonic Btters remove All
traces OF melancholy, nervous prostration and
physical debility. One trial Is sufficient An gen
une bear the signature of j. 4. Allen, St. Paul
Mimi
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

Was addicted with Catarrh and Cold in the
Head tried many remedies without any hene
iciat effects at last 1 used fly's Cream Balm,
which effectually cured me.-W IL. l. HItLARn,
Dentist BOrdentown N. ~
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-02-21

Piso's Cure for Consumption does not dry up a
cough; 1t removes the cause.