Morning journal and courier., 1884-03-06
$ TUDIED,

Father.-"I never imagined that your studies would cost me SO much money.'' Studsnt.-"Yes, and I don't study much, either. .''-Fliegends Blattsr.
 A Connecticut man is so mean that he has made his wife save up their wedding cake for seven years, in case they should ever have company to supper.-BurIington Free Press.
 What does the word 'pedigree' mean, John2" "It means descent. '" "Write a sentence on the board containing that word D John went up and chaIked of the following: "We pedigreed down the hill. ll."-Hsrpers s Bazaar.
 Mrs. Bonanza Maokay's latest Worth dress Is described as 8 "poem." From the de- scription we infer that it resembles a poem that Is inserted in the editors waste basket It Is not red. This is not 8 verse-straiRht joke, but the temptation to write waist basque 1t was necessary to overcome.-Nor- rist o VII Herald.
 A lady addressed letter to New York editor the other day, stating that her bus band was confirmed snorer, and asking for cure The eallous hearted editor, instead of recommending divorce and new, non- snoring husband, advised her to hit the pa tlent on the nose with sledge-hammer.- Norristown Herald.
 At grand dinner very needless gentle man, who talks great deal, forgets that his neIghbor, young lady, is prematurely large, and cries cut, 'I do not like large ~omen." The lady bites her lips; the gen tleman sees he has made a blunder, and to repalr it as gallantly as possible he adds, When they are young, madam. Free Press.
 A facetious gentleman who has suffered thinks the modern recipe for a party is the following: Take all the ladies and gentle men you can get, put them into a room with a small fire and stew them well; have readJ piano. & handful of prints and drawings, and throw them in from time to time; as the and season with wit, if you have any, if not, hattery will do as well and is very cheap; when all have stewed for an hour add ices, jellies, cakes, lsmonades and wines. ."-The Beacon.
 Too strict.-In Germany the police reeu. lations are very strict, and any violation oi them is promptly punished. The people have holy terror of the law. Two gentle men happened to meet in Berlin and the fol. lowing conversation took place: ''Havs you heard the dreadful news about Miller?'' No what Is it?" He was in boat in the river He fell overheard and was drowned. The water was too deep" Didn't he know how to swim2' ''Swimi Don't you know thai all persons are forbidden by the police tc swim in the rive ?'-Texas Siftings.
 The Pennsylvania courts have decided that while you mustn't lie about it directly and openly, it is perfectly lawful to keep your mouth shut during horse trade, and while you must not warrant an animal as perfectly sound in wind. limb and condition, without fault, spot or blemish, when you know that he has glass eye, goat neck, mango, saddle gals, roach back, ringboue, quarter crack. spasin, flat foot, wind gals, scratches, capped hook, stiff joint, blind staggers, OK foot. rat. tail, and hollow back, yet you are not com- pelled to call attention to these minor defects in the splendid Kentucky bred animal you are trying to trade the stranger for spring wagon, set of harness, two ysar-old-colt, and $75 cash. This is wise and humane law, and lets the deacon out of . great many tight places, where otherwise trade would be paral- zed, the arteries of commerce ehoked and stagnated by the unwise hand of oppressive laws, and panic, nistrust and depression would settle down upon hopeless world in the rayless gloom of mistrust and suspicion. Burlington Hawkeye.