The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-09-13
The Amateur Chemist.

| Olttu bHlllh uOW uldnV scientists ana
| experimental chemists and cOroners are
swallowed up by journalism, and how
| thankful the public ought to be that
they are in a field where they can not
| get at the lives of the people. We
| often find fault with fate, but certainly
| it is wisdom that takes a man out of
| the drug store sometimes and puts him
| in the sanctum.
W. l.. Visscher, who has done jour
| nallstle work on many papers, and
work, too, that would have made his
| reputation worldwide if he hadn't been
| 80 Internally anonymous about it, was
| once a drug clerk in Kentucky. If YOU
watch closely you will see that the man
! who is intended as a newspaper athlete
will 90 through the gamut of trades
and professions, but will surely get
| into journalism first or last. And it
isn't such calamity to befall young
| man either, as it used to be. OF course,
| mean if he is a good, square news
| paper man, not the scallawag kind or
the kindergarten humorist, but a real,
working, advancing, sure-enough news
| paper man, with u love for his work
! and desire to improve.
Well, Visscher used to invent things
when he was in the drug business. lie
showed good deal of ingenuity in that
| way. He invented a kind of rat poison
once that worked well, but the ingred-
! ents were too expensive to make the
| patent n valuable one. He killed nine
rats with his solution, but it cost him
ninety dollars to do it. This, you see,
was fatal, not only to the rats, but to
the poison itself.
Jesse ClaWser was resident of the
| village in which Eisscher was acting
as Nemesis pro tenn. and general soda
| fountain superintendent. jesse was a
dead shot when he got after the Ken
| lucky squirrel, and life ought to have
been one long happy squirrel hunt for
| him. But he was not entirely happy.
He had red whiskers. He did not care
for his angry hair, but his inhamed
beard annoyed him very much. He
went to Nisscher, regarding him as
| sort of alchemist who could do most any
| thing with his mysterious Jars and pc
culiar smelling herbs. He asked Wis
scher to color his beard for him, and
| offered, in consideration therefor tc
bring him a mess of squirrels The
| price was satisfactory, and the young
chemist proceeded to make Mr..
| Clawser's beard as black as n ravens
wing with lunar caustic. Every little
while he would make a mistake and hit
| the skin, and Mr.. ClawSer would Jump
out of his chair with great uneasiness.
| Wherever the caustic struck Jesse's
epidermis it would leave a black spot
| bat ,trctlll NNrag Il, off q ot,t Ciltr =,
birth-mark. 49,,
Well, Mr.. Clawser walked out of the
back room of that drug store with
beard as black as an Egyptian cat and
! hairas red as the sunset of asunmer day
in my own italian home so far, far away
At first no one knew him. He had
to introduce himself. Then people got
| better acquainted with him, and the
people of Northern Kentucky, whowere
not too busy, dropped their other duties
and followed him around wherever he
went. This at last panied and annoyed
him. He got through ten days, and
then he stole into the store after hours
one night and begged Visscher to shave
him. The great amateur chemist
| offered to do so for another mess Of
squirrels.
| He didn't do it very well, but he
| made out to segregate Mr.. Clawsel
from his glorious beard. There it lay
on the floor like the end of a cows
tail soaked in logwood, dead, un.
natural, horrible, somber pile of stiff
| and diabolical hair. Mr. Clawsel
heaved a sigh of relief and went to the
mirror. He there saw young mar
with white ewes and cream-colored eye
brows. The lasheS were ecru, and
the freckles were like large tlecks
of bronze. The hair hung about
the forehead like an incendiary
fire beyond control. TO add to the
general horror of the holocaust. his
face was spotted all over with black
daubs of lunar caustic. Mr.. Clawser
looked like the map of the burnt dis
trict. He looked like the tattooed man
at the circus. He reminded people of a
red-headed penwiper.
He went around through the forests,
frightening little children into st. Vitus'
huckleberries and blue grass. He then
took another mess of squirrels to Wis.,
scheran asked him if there wasn't some
way known to science by which these
marks could be removed Visscher filed
the squirrels and said he thought posi-
bly, it could be done. He then applied
little cyanide of potassium and re-
moved the spots. He also removed the
skin here and there and turned Mr..
| Clawser loose upon the community once
| more. He fled to the mountains and
lived the life of a recluse until he heard
accidentally that Visscher had left tho
drug trade and gone into journalism.
| Then he came back to home and friends
once more, but he will not look at Il
newspaper and is regarded everywhere
as the foe OF the press. He is afraid he
will run up against one of Nisscher' 5
editorials somewhere. Blu Nye, ia
louisville COuTier-JOurHQL.
Horses all Out.