The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-03-15
PARROT JOKES.
Iondor Telrsranh.

he safes, course to educate ones own narrot. Keadymade eleoutionis's are 10, always reliable. The lady president of a suburban Doreas Society ~ho buys 4 pretty Foil from poor seafaring man hable 10 be shocked some time or an. other by the racy language of the fore as:le. and the parrot that has had its hooling on board Thames barge is apt to have an inconvenient memory tor phrases which had much better have been forgotten The parIsian professor xeuld O. course. instruct his class oi o.FGs in none save the mos, genieel ef phrases but parrots, no doub,. talk at .lndom, and say more than they have been taught and nine times oat of ten i the most irrelevant eoaicNt every no and again hitting otf remsr> which comes m 50 eNquisiteiy pat for the oeca- son th |, every one Is astonished. The fat l., our world ls very small, and ike he fools 70. Lord, SIT t will be :eand that man mi ght really ge. through lie with very few sentences indeed. and ye. be considered of an average intellect
 i parrot has only ,o go on saying d silly hing upon every opportunity that offers and the sht chance Is certain 10 come Eoand al last, when is silly speech I, ance becomes the happies; possible. For instance. there sas 4 bird that said Eo:hng but Heres .s pretty go. anG ;hls was as 3 rule, neither opposite nor i3nny. Bu, one day the poor thing ieIl ort ot d cab window. and the wheel of another cab, passing a, the time. crushed Is cage. A spectator picked up the parrot. very much alarmed but not hurt. and hearing |; murmur something, put the blrd 10 his ear when to his IS s'onish- men, the thing, Tn deJee;ed volce. whispered. Here's pretty go Moth ing could have been more exactly Tn sympathy with the situation or more innocent. Bnt this Is not always the ease The respectable maiden lady who purchases sailors parrot is liable on ,Ee slightest provoca,ion. or none a, all. 10 ind herself addressed. even in the presence of the clergy, Tn the gruffes, and strongest language ot a boatswaln
 Parrots have no respect for select com pany. They scatter their nautical terms broadcast upon the just and upon the .nlust. upon the butchers boy when he calls for orders and the new curate when he drops in for afternoon tea. Like the Afghans, if they have charge in their guns. they must fire i, of II does not matter what they ire at in the leas, fl ;here is nothing better, they will blaze away al blank v all. They shoot ,helr arrows, as the prince does n the fairy ;ale. a, random, and by and by when he comes to pick them up he finds one has p'erced the heart of his venerable grand mother. So with the parrot. It lets fly IS " familiar quotations at every mark or a, none. ard the time comes some day or other when Il inficts a mortal wound upon suseep,ibili;ies that are slow 10 recover fiom such shocks. Sn. as a faie, Ii Is the wisest plan 10 educate ones osn parrot
 This IS not, Of course. very easy 10 do. Tor young parrots of a suitable eduoa- aonal age are not abundant in the British Isles. Ic, when juvenile the bird IS very impressionable. Adult. II is liable Q be obstinate, and like the proud Br.ton who refused to iruckle 10 the German system of genders, it of,mes learns d new language very imperfectly The oio birds. show extraordinary antlpathies 70 syntax, and get whims into their heads aoous the construction of sentences which me utmost patience or violence, as the sise may be, IS powerlcss 10 dissipa,e
 lou cannot disabuse an old parrots mind of an error that II has once cordial
 Y entertained. IL has it's own ideas of sramRatical proprieties and clings 10 ,hem like limpet. You canno; shake R on matter of English You may each II another phrase altogether. bni Il s1il not forego the first. l, will tag he ,so together and mix them up-like he
 Protestant kettle of the immortal Bar aaby's raven but this compromise is the oest terms you will make with the bird. When possible. therefore, secure young parrot, catch it al a good school-board age and then teach Ii yourself. While calng so keep |, away from the contam- mating influences of stree, boys. for a oaker's boy will teach i, 10 ask :. Who xlssed the cook .' n half a dozen easy 'essons, while ysu are wearing your days out In impressing God save the z leen !" apon its memory. and after all, the odds are the bird will say. "God save the cook.n Street cries, again, are to be avoided if possible. l, is not well to lave bird calling cats meat during i4mily prayers But above all, the educator of the youthful fowl should her sef De circumspec, in her language and careful of the pitch Of her voice, for i; siu catch her scolding tones al once and Pack up 4 Bother that cat .r-in her exact selce, too-long before II will learn to say, Dear little puss.n Those who have. harsh laugh, or suffer from cztarrh, or an impeachment. or any defec, a speech, should choose other pets than parrots guinea pigs or squirrels or some ofher harmless dumb animals for 'hese birds have a perfectly malicious apsitude for hitting of such weak points. f old NIT. Weller had kep, good parro; 4 the Marquis of G-anby the position of Saggins would have been impossible ihe mimic would have utterly routed