Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1884-09-25
Snickerfnes.

Snickertnes.
A Young widow, In erecting o mOnu-
ment to the "dsar departed" cleverly
availed herself of the opportunity to in
scribe on his tomb: sacred to the men,
Ory of Methuslan Bexuchet, who depart
ed this life, aged 68 years, regretting the
necessity of parting from the most
charming and best OF women"
Democratic anvasser--"What place is
that down there"
Natiys-"That is Punkville."
ID. C.-How's politics therep"
Native-"EyeryDody solid for Cleve-
land and Hendricks"
D. G. with delightln,,'You don't say sol
How many have your"
-"TwO-me and dad."-The
Judge.
"What have you donsY" drawled the
East India Hammock, languldly, making
a lazy effort to swing a little in the eve
ming breeze.
"Done?" said the little Base Ball,
scOrnfully. "What have donep Since
2 o'clock l have been at 1t. 1 broke the
shOrt-stOp's fingers, knocked an eye out
of the catcher, skinned the. pitchers
hands, doubled up the umpire twice,
drove the wind clean out of the second
base, broke six panes of glass and a wO-
mans head in the school house, and
knocked a spectator cold. What have I
done? haven't laid around all day, a
limp mass of prOtOplasmic net work."
And he smiled in bitter triumph as he
thus displayed his college training
Brooklyn Eagle.
A scientist says that the reason kis-
sing is so pleasant is because the teeth,
jaw bones and lips are full of nerves, and
when the lips meet an electric current
is generated. He should explain why it
is the electric current does not work
when he kisses his m0ther-in-law to
please his wife. Science cannot upset
our religious notions about kissing.
Colonel Yerger, who takes great deal
of interest in politics, returned home a
few days ago. Ore OF the first things
Mrs. Yerger said to him was:
"Did you hear that awful scandal
about our neighbor Peterby and wo-
manp"
"Great Heavensl Is Petorby running
for President, tOo?"
A revolution has broken out in Mexico
against grasshOppers and locusts. At
| last reports the revOlutiOnists had gained
| decisive victory. having slain $4,000
pounds of grasshOppers and 1900 pounds
of lOcusts. This is the only progressive
| revolt Of which Mexico can boast since
it threw off the Spanish yoke.
"Are you the manager of the cable?"
81 am, sir"
swell, am DR.. Hamilton Griffin, step
father and business manager Of Miss
Mary Anderson, the prominent young
Kentucky actress"
"Sit down, sir. What can we do for
you to-day"
81 would like to have you send small
item to the American papers"
Certainly, with pleasure. Is Miss
Mary about to join nunnery, or is she
engaged to wed British jukeP"
Neither. Those rackets, regret to
say, are played out. / think you had
better announce that she has el0ped with
Melrose Abbey, brother of Westminster
and Henry K. Abbey. And here, by the
way. are couple of matinee tickets for
you."-Chicago Neavs.
"Come back to bed, you old fool" plead
cd the gentle voice of Mrs. Mulberry
"That isn't cats; it's Emeline's new beau
down in the parlor singing Some Day."
Apropos of the circumstances of his
recent address to the graduates of the
University of Texas, good story is told
of old Governor Hubbard. Not long age
he was sitting in the Office of friend in
Galveston, when he happened TO pick uE
one of McGuffin's school readers. Glanc.
ing through the book he came upon q
poem which interested him somewhat
He read 1t oyer two or three times, and
was more and more pleased with it each
time.
"John," said he to his friend, "who Is
this man Gray who writes poetry for tho
school bOOks?"
Grayp Gray? Upon my word CAM
fix the name, although 1t sounds IA
miliar."
I'D like to meet him." said Governor
Hubbard; Il have just been reading one
of his poems, and it is considerable above
the average"
Poem? What is it calledp"
"'Eulogy in Country Churchyard,
replied the venerable Texas statesman
Chicago Ne,CS.