Connecticut western news., 1884-09-24
TWO GOOD ONES TOGETHER.
HOT WEATHER AS THEY SOMETIMES
 HAVE IT IN PIKE COUNTY.
A Topic About Which the Old settler and
 the Squire Argue, Differing Widely.

The thermometer stOOu at J0 degrees. Somebody came along and remarked that it was hot. The County Clerk opened his eyes and looked wearily at the speaker. The sheriff glanced wist- fully at a club that lay near him, but he made no effort to reach out and use it. The big dog on the stoop turned up one eye and growled. The ex-Poundmaster relaxed slightly his semi-somnolesoent attitude, and said, with no trace of anger or malice, but much of languor, in his voice:
 "W-h-a-a-t-d-i-d-y-o-u-s-a-a-y, s-tr-a-n-g-erT
 ''I said it was hot p' replied the stran- ger, and there was so much caloric in his tone that the thermometer jumped degree higher.
 "0-h-h-h P said the ex-Poundmaster, and he settled back into somnolence.
 The stranger moved off in disgust, and who should step briskly up, with a pleased look and his coat on, but the Old Settler.
 "Aha, boys !" said he rubbing his hands. "It's like regeneratin' sperrit, b'gosh, to feel some giniwine ole ortumn weather peelin' of itself fur business wunst more, hain't it2"
 The boys knew the Old Settler. No one spoke a word. No one seemed to hear him. He looked around. Evidently no one intended to dissent from his esti- mate of the weather. The pleased expression left his face. He looked thoughtful. Suddenly his face bright ened again. He seemed to catch ray of hope.
 "The Squire hain't ben an gone already, has he, boys ?" said he; "'cause if he has-no, he hain't, b'gosh Here he comes now, foppin' along, praying to hisself, I'll bate, cause the 'tarnal hot summer ez we've had has got up an scooted."
 Sure enough, there the Squire came; his coat of, his shirt sleeves rolled up, his hat in one hand, while he mopped his face with bis bandsnna. The Old Settler looked more than pleased. The Squire wilted down in chair like let tuce leaf under hot vinegar.
 sW-h-e-wp said he. "Wall, Major, I've see some tolable weather in my time, I think, takin' it hot an cold ez it runs, from Janiwary to July, sn' from July to Janiwary, but if this don't plump the bulPs-eye a leetle slicker than any hot weather that ever tackled me afore, then I'm diddly dod-durned from way back f'
 "Hot 1" exclaimed the Old Settler, and you'd have sworn he was really astonished. "Hot hope ye don't call this hot weather, Squire Here's me an M'riar kiverin' up our flower beds ev'ry night to keep 'em from bein' fetched with frost, an here's you hol- lerin' bout it's bein' hot Squire, durned if I don't think you'm gettin' a leetle cracked. do, bgosh 1"
 "I may be gettin' leetle cracked, Major" replied the Squire, Gan you may be kiverin' up yer flower beds fur fear O frost, or ye may be lyin', jist which ye please, with bets in favor O the lyin', but this is the fust hot weather ever see. If sumpin' hain't twisted the equator way from Cuby an dropped it down onter Pike county, then ye kin bile mep
 "Squire," said the Old Settler, re- monstratively, "what's the use O your bein' so consumed contrairy? don't mean no fence, but, b'gosh, ye make yerself booty clus onter disagree'ble, sometimes. Now, if I'd come an sot down here an said it was hot, you'd a right up an pooh-poohed, and said sumpin' bout yer havin' had durn mo- tion O putin on yer overcoat fore ye left hum, an was sorry ye hadn't, or some piece O contrair;ness. Then ye allus seem to wanter pick a quar'l. Here I sot, an want sayin' a consarned word bout the weather, an up you bounces and begins at me bout it's bein' hot l Then, cause don't fall in with yer contrairiness, but sticks up for it's bein' bracin' an insiniwatin' ortumn weather, which it is, then ye git mad an ssy I'm lyin'. Wall, kin jist tell ye, b'gosh, Squire, that hain't agointer resk my flower beds iist cause you say it's hot, not by long shot, I hain't, an ye kin like it or lump it, b'goshtl- mighty, whichever ye durn please 1"
 "Flower beds p exclaimed the Squire. "Who cares fur yer flower beds2 l don't care hair out'n a mules tail for 'em Ye kin kiver 'em an onkiver 'em agin An ye kin go right hum an kiver 'em if ye want to. Nobody's holdin' of yel But ye can't set thar an face me down that it hain't hot Ye never see it so hot, and you know it Look at the th'mom'ter Look at the th'mom'ter, with the ball on it heated so ye can't bear your finger on it, an then say it ain't hot You make me sick, Major !"
 "I don't care fur no th'mom'ter I" ex- claimed the Old Settler. "D'ye s'pose Tine gointer let thing like that ez can't do nothin' but hang onter a post, pick out weather fur me? Wall, b'gosh, no We had little weather, guess, fore th'mom'ters come out, an we'd hey some more weather if ev'ry one on 'em in creation should bust an tn couldn't no more git made. The idee, anyhow, O folks b'lievin' that all the weather ez comes along has to pass through them durn things fore we kin know how hot it is or how cold it is 1 I know when weather's hot, I think. I kin member one summer, when was a boy, when it was so hot that we had to keep the rippinest kindo' big fires agoin