Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-02-27
Etiquette I'm Chicago.
as this an editor ?"

"Is this an editor?"
The horse reporter looked up from
a little idyl on the life and career of
Rysdyk's Hambletonia into which he
had been putting the best efforts of
his surging brain, and beheld rather
short young man who was peering in
an affable but somewhat irresolute
manner over very high collar, and
on whose upper lip was delicate
tracery which looked as if it might
have been effected with some No. 2
molasses, and at which the young man
was making furtive grasps with the
thumb and forefnger of his right
hand, evidently under the impression
that he had mustache and desired
to pull it.
81 want to see an editor" said the
young man in a voice that sounded
like the best efforts of a cricket,
"about social topic-I want to see
social topics editor"
"What sort of social topic is it
that's worrying your" inquired the bio
grapher of st. Julien. "There are a
good many social topics. Has some
body in your social circle been holding
three aces with criminal frequency,
or has the green-eyed monster invaded
your once happy fiat because your
wife goes to the matinee?"
ooh, it's nothing like that" said
the young man. 81 promised papa
that l would never play poker, and
I'm not married-that is, not yet"
"Well, the gentle sex is having one
lucky winter, anyhow" said the horse
reporter, surveying the visitor care
fully. "If you'll quit grubbing for
that supposititious mustache, and tell
me what ails you, perhaps l can settle
the point. What's the social topic
you are distressed about?"
"Well, you see," said the young
man, "when got into the laces--"
Tnto the what?'
"Into the laces-the lace depart
ment in our store, know-all the other
fellows there were real jealous Of me
because | had been out more in socie-
ty than they had. belong to three
clubs on the West Side and we have
hops, and assemblies, and things every
week; f; SO I'm really quite in the swim,
you know. Well, they were awfully
jealous, you know-just as ! said
and they talked real mean. told
Cholly about it-Cholly's my chum,
you know-and he said to never mind
them, but keep going right into socie-
ty; and he lent me his mauve pants
for an awfully swell reception one
night last week. Cholly and l are
awfully chums, and I'm going to give
him book mark OH his birthday.
That will be nice, won't it?"
"Yes,' said the horse reporter, "a
book mark is valuable aid to any
young man who is hustling around to
get living. With a strong arm,
pure heart, and q nice book mark,
fortune is within the reach Of all.
But what's the question that's worry
ing you ?"
ooh, yes, the social topic. Well,
the other day lot of us were talking
about young ladies, and / said that
very few young men knew what real
etiquette was, and l gave an awfully
severe look at one fellow who has
been terrible jealous of me ever since
a young lady who came into the store
the other day smiled right over in
the direction where / was standing
and never even looked at him. And
then some one said it was proper to
call on young lady and ask her to
accompany you to the theatre that
evening. said that would be wrong
that the correct way was to write
the lady note asking the pleasure of
of her company. We had terrible
discussion about it, and finally agreed
to leave it to the social topics editor of
the Tribune. Now supposing you
were young lady, and l were to call
at your papa's house and ask you to
go to the theatre with me that even
ing, what would you do2"
Suppose ! were a young ladyf"
said the horse reporter.
Eyes"
"And you were to call and ask me
to 60 the theatre with you ="
"Yes."
"What would | do?"
"Yes."
"Well, if somebody had mislaid
the gun / suppose l should have to
content myself with club."-Chicago
Tribune.