Connecticut western news., 1884-12-03
WIT AND WISDOM.

ahoNe Nlagiua faih ftmlhu uh Nhd currents.
 THE whole of human virtue may bo reduced to speaking the truth always, and doing good Co others.
 "FWE thousand molecules can sit com fortnbly on inc point of pin" Herein the molecule differs materially from man.
 MANY people take no care of their money till they have come nearly to tho end of it, and others do the same with their time.
 To QUARREL with a superior is iniuri- ous; with an equal ia doubtful; with m inferior, sordid and base; with any, full of unquietness.
 SOCIETY in Philadelphia is all torn up by the question whether lady should recognize gentlemen whilo he is having his shoes blackened on a street corner.
 TIE fiy, that in July stung you on the end of your nose seventy times in a minute at meal time. is now anxious to crawl under the blankets and call you man and brother. A msuNpKRsrASpNo: His master "Did you take those boots of mino to be soled, Larry 2' Irish yAlet-'I did, sor; and see the thrifle the blag yard give me for 'eml Said they was purty nigh wore through"
 Mn IsAAcs to his son ''See, Nose, what industry will accomplish. Nathan came to Berlin with only the shirt on his back, and now he has his million" Good Peter what does he do with a million shirts ?"
 MISTRESS (to lazy housemaid): "Eov, Mary, you know I am going 10 give . ball tomorrow night. and I shall expect you to bestir yourself. and be useful gen erally." Maryi "Y,s, mum; but I am very sorry to say can't dance. .
 TnK detrsctor may, and often doee, pull down others, but he nevcr. as he seems to suppose, elevates himself to their position. The most he can do h maliciously to tear from them the bless ing which he cannot enjoy himeli
 "No WOMAN is educated, says & W. Burnap, "who is not equal to tho suc- cessful management of family" When you see a man leave his club at 9 ?. m., and run all the way home, you can make up your mind that his wife is highly educated.
 "WHY, Allie, dear, is that the way to begin your dinner2" asked mother of her little daughter, as she began with the pie instead of the bread and butter. "well, declare, mamma, was going to eat my dinner upside-down, wasn't IF"
 "Do YOU know why you and George remind me of two shades of one oolor1" asked young lady of a companion, who had been engaged for a good many years. "No." was inc reply. "I'n tell you, then, it's because you do not match"
 DocroR's daughter: 'sThis cookbook says that pie-crust needs plenty of shortening Do you know what that means, pap" old doctor: "1t means lard" Doctors daughter; But why is lard called shortening pa7" old doc tor: "Bccause 1t shortens life"
 TmE teacher in one of the schools was little crochely the other morning and made the girls stand around little liye- Tier than usual. One of tho little misses who had been uphraided exclaimed to her companion; "Never mind. Cleve- land ia elected and she'll bo turned outi'
 A LAWYER walked down the street recently, with his length of arm taxed to hold lot of law books. To him friend, pointing at the books, said; "why, thought you carried all that stun in your hoad2" 'I do, quickly replied the lawyer, with a knowing wink, "theee are for the iudgcs,"
 Ii the citadel is shown a small cannon which was taken al Bankers HtlL A party Of Americans were looking al Inc gun the other day, while a sergeant re. cited it's history. "Yes, said lady, you've got the cannon, but I guess we've got the hill" As patriotic cpi- gram. this is worth place in history.
 "wHAr Is you doin' to be, Tommy when you dit a man 2" "I dun know. What is you doin' to be7" "why, I'm loin' to be livery stable man, SO I can ride in a horse and buggy every day. "Oh, know what I'm doin' Co bel Ia doin' to be preacher 30 can dit chick ems to eat all the time, an poun' cake, too"
 WIFE, I wish you could mako pies that would taste ns good ms my mothers used to-" "well, my dear, you run out and bring in pailful of water and hod. ful of coal and an armful Of wood, just as you used to for your mother, and maybe you will like my pies as we'll" Ho concluded the pies would do just as they were.
 SCENE on railway pla tiorm at Hcidel' berg: Traveller Co university student "sir, you are crowding; keep back, air" U. s. (aercelyl-"Don't you like itG Allow me to tell you that I am at your service at any time and place" Traveller Cbenignantly)-"Ah, indeed, that is very kind of you. Just carry this satohel Tor me to the hotel"
 THEY were sitting in the front parlor aud he observed that he ''really ought lo go. aa it was getting quite late" You might iuet as we'll wait few min. ntes longer, i" she pleaded. ''I wantyou lo see the funny little man that brings around the morning papers" He passes the house now without looking lp at the windows.
 THE "thought-rcador" placed his [ hand ou the mans head, withdrew it,