Daily Republican., 1884-05-09
MIRTH AMP MERRIMENT


might be--thiee of one name y
MIRTH AMP MERRIMENT
Plantation philosophy-D De wise maj
an de fool doan' quarrel but two tool
or two wise men KANT ger along ~
well. De man what marries a 'omal
case she s got more sense den he has
i. never allowed to lose sight O. da
fack. De chile dat too soon show
signs O. smartness doan' turn out ter b.
de smartest man. De fust cotton da
opens is neber de bes'. Eben 'mOng d.
animals, 'pearances makes difference
fur Of de blackbird had bright feather
in his wing we'd think dat his SOM
was much sweeter. De gigglin cir
ginerally turns out ter be de woman
what doan' laugh much and 'lemm'
tell yer, marriage and lot O chilleI
will take de chuckle ouIten de mos o
em.
| "If q policeman comes mean foah me
my deah, said Cholly Pockah, "dt
not let him in. Tell him am dead
Ipfoahm him that ! died of small
pawks."
Policeman. Cholly! Why should
an official come aftah you 2"
"Foah larceny. I've just swindled
thai bah keepah at the hotel out of ff
teen cents"
"oh, deah. why did you do such a
naughty thing?'
"I've signed the pledge of temper
ance, and | walked right by the bar
without taking drink, and | know II
will be regarded as lahcenrv foah Inc
to thus 60 back on the bah"
First Politician-"I hear that the
salary of the Governor Of Michigan is
only 81 900 year" ..-
Second Politician-"Only 1000 ?
Well, that Is getting things down pret'
ty fine"
First Politician" What puzzles me
Is that they should ever find any one
to take the position at that pay, for !
learn that there are very few perqui
sites"
Second Politician" But you forgel
the immense importance of the office. u
First Politician-"In what way?"
Second Politician-A Governor cant
be arrested"
A deaf old fellow, charged with
stealing q hog, was arraigned before a
court. The jury, without leaving the
box. returned verdict Of guilty. "Old
you % are guilty." " Hay 2" "The
inry .ay, you are guilty." shouting in
his ear. "In what degree ?" "There
ar n, degrees in a stealing case -
"lr % "There are no degrees. y
"Guilty all over, am ?" eyes. y
ebay ?" "Yes! 7" yelling at the top of
his voice. "Well, that's what | told
you at first. but you said you could
clear me. Wish now that | had got
the Judge to defend me. Will got him
next time
"Well, my child," said fond father
to his little daughter, after she had
been to church, what do you remem-
Der of all the preacher said ?" Moth.
Ing" was tho timid reply. Nothing"
he exclaimed, in q severe tone. Now
remember, the next time you must tell
me something of what he says, or you
will have to be punished. Next Sun
day the child came home with her eyes
all wild with excitement. remem-
Der something to-day, papa, she cried
eagerly. Il am very glad OF it,, said
her father. What did he say p
" Hs said: "A collection will now
be made
Mrs, Parvenu had recently finished
her new house, and it was gOrgeously
done. Everything was In style, and
the carpets were woven In one piece to
fit each room. Mrs. Parvenu has a
daughter, and she was talking about
her to q visitor. "Mrs. Parvenu" said
tho lady, "yonr daughter dosen't 60
ont much" :" No not . great deal. 1t
tires the Door dear" Indeed Isn't
she we'll ?" "Oh, yes, we'll enough
But, you see, at so many houses where
she must call she has to walk over the
seams In the carpets and it hurts the
poor dear's feet and makes her 30
tired"
After many "Be gorras," "Wist-
nows," and " Be jabbers," with al oc-
casional "whisper." and "be aisy
pow," Boston man succeeded In hold.
ing a correspondence with a wild son
of Erin who made use of the telephone
in the office of firm where he was en-
ployed. All the time he kept one eye
intently fixed on the receiver, and at
times became wildly excited and doub-
led up his fist, especially once when
the man disputed with him. "Sure,
and eff he had repatet it, said
Pat, as he came away,"l wud a-knock.
ed the hull masheen down his lynn
throat
Photographer :: Chin a little higher,
please. There, that is better. Look AZ
that nail" Victim : Which one :?
Photographer "That big nail near
those two little ones. Your head is turn-
cd again. Press it back against the
support. There, that is better. l am al!
ready now. Keep perfectly quiet ana
assume cheerful expression VIC
tim :" Beg pardon, but | forgot to ask
what you are going to charge tor these
Photographer : " Seven
teen dollars. Now look pleasant.
A subscriber writes to Yankee
editor: "I have a horse that has lately
suffered from periodical fits OF dizZiness.
Please answer through your valuable
paper, and let me know what should
do with him. Pm afraid he Will getI
worse if something is not done soon.
The editor replies: "Our honest aaVice,
based on very careful perusal OF that
capital book "Every Man His own
Horse. Doctor" would be to take him
some time when he is not dizzy and
sell him to stranger"
Mammal exclaimed beautiful
girl who had suffered atfectation to oo'
scure the little intellect she possessed,
=" what is that long green thing lying
on the dish before YOU ?" " A cucum-
ber, my beloved Georgiana, replied the
mamma, with bland smile of appro.
baton at her darling's commendable
curiosity. GA cucumber? Gracious
ooodness. NV dear mamma, how very