The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1884-07-23
Drunk in e Plug Hat.

where aS you go. OOTTOW IL plAtu w III
tie fence corners on every road. Una
vailing regret and red-nosed remorse
inhabit the cot of the tie-chopper as
we'll as the cut glass cage of the mil
ionaire. TIL" woods ara full of disap-
pointment. The earth is convulsed
with the universal sob, end the roads
are muddy with tears. But 1 do not
call to mind more touching picture of
unavailing misery and ruin and chaos
than the plug hat that has endeavored
to keep sober and maintain its self-re-
spect while its owner is drunk. A plug
hat can stand prosperity, and shine
forth joyously while nature smiles.
That's the place where it seems to
thrive. A silk hat looks we'll on a
thrifty man with clean collar, but it
cannot stand dissipation.
once knew plug nat that had been
respected by every one and had won its
way up by steady endeavor. No one
knew aught against it till one evening,
in an evil hour, it consented to attend
banquet, and all at once it's joyous ca
reer ended. It met nothing but dis
trust and cool neglect everywhere after
that.
Drink seemed to make the man tenn
porarily, unnaturally exhilarated. Dur
ing the temporary exhilaration he de-
sires to attract attention by eating
lobster salad out of his own hat and sit
ting down on his neighbors.
The demon rum is bad enough on the
coatings of the stomach, but it is even
more disastrous to the tall hat. A man
may mix up in crowd and carry Oft an
overdose of valley tan in soft hat or
cap, but the silk hat will proclaim it
upon the housetops and advertise it to
the gaping, wondering world. 1t has
way of getting back on the rear eleva-
ton of the head, or even the bridge Of
the nose, or Of hanging coquettishly on
one ear that says to the eagle-eyed pub
lie, II am chock full"
lean not call to mind more power
full lecture on temperance than the 81
lent pantomime of man trying to
hang his plug hat on an invisible peg
in his own hall after he had been watch
ing the returns three years ago. l saw
that he was eA ed and nervously un-
strung when he came in, but did not
fully recognize it until he began to hang
his hat n the smooth wall.
At first he ,ug ! in a good natured
way at his oN WIZ lness ana hung
it up again cal> lily, at last he be-
came irritated about it, and almost for
got himself enough to swear, but con-
trolled himself Finding, however, that
it refused to hang up he put it III the
corner of the hall with the crown up.
pinned it to the floor with his umbrel-
Ia, and heaved sigh of relief. Then
he took off his overcoat, and, through
clerical error, pull, off his dress coat
also. I showed Il his mistake and
offered to assist hin back into his ap-
parel, but he said lie hadn't got so old
and feeble yet that he couldn't dress
himself.
Later on he came into the parlor
wearing linen ulster, with the belt
dropping behind him like the broken
harness hanging to shipwrecked and
stranded mule. His wife looked at him
in way that froze his blood. This
startled him so that he stepped back
pace or two, tangled his feet in his cir
cingle, clutched wildly at the empty
gas light, but missed it, and sat down
in tail majolica c,spidor
There were three games of whist 60
ing on when he fell, and there was a
good deal of excitement over the play
ing; but after he had been pulled out OF
the American tearjug and led away,
every one OF the twelve whist ayers
had forgotten what the trump was.
They say that he has abandoned poll
ties since then, and that now he doesn't
care whether we have any more No
yember elections or not l asked hlm
once if he would be active during the
1884 campaign: as usual, and he said he
thought not He said 4 man couldn't
afford to be too active in a political
campaign. His constitution wouldn't
stand it.
At that time he didn't care much
whether the American people had u
President or not. If every public-spir-
tied citizen had got to work himself up
into state of nervous excltablllty and
prostration where reason totterd on its
throne, he thought that we needed Il re-
form.
Those who wished to furnish reasons
to totter on their thrones for the Ma.
tional Central Committee at so much
per tot could do so; he, for one, didn't
propose to farm out his immortal soul
and plug hat to the party If 6O,OOO,OO0
people had to stand four years under
the administration Of setting heu.-
Bill ME-.