Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-12-17

woman from Butler county having a
degraded wretch of husband from
Shousetown crawling into his house
at o'clock in the morning by way
Of the roof I'll roof him Johnnie,
bring up that basket of potatoes from
out of the cellar and hitch the hose
to the hydrant in the back yard !"
In blissful ignorance of his APP
preaching fate Mr.. Jarphly proceeded
to his own scuttle and attempted it.
1t was closed A thrill Of horror shot
through his frame. What could it
mean? He retreated rapidly to his
neighbor's scuttle. 1t also was lock-
ed Jarphly's hair fairly stood on
end. Here he was on the ridge pole
of a block of five houses, fifty feet
from the pavement, the wind blowing
sixty miles an hour, the night freez-
ing, his teeth chattering, and he
helpless to advance or retreat The
situation was indeed terrible. He
could hear the policeman coming
down the street. What if the guar
dian of the night should see him and
shoot him under the impression that
he was burglar! Softly he tapped
OH his friends scuttle.
johnson johnson %
But no johnson replied.
johnson Johnsonp' he cried Il
little louder. But the night wind
alone answered him.
"Ill freeze up here" he muttered
in anguish. eff l fall I'll break my
neck. Oh, that villain Johnson
He's done this because I'm for But
Ter. What'll Martha say? l better
drop off and break my neck, anyway,
it'll be the most comfortable. John
son Johnson I'll vote for Blaine &
Logan if you'll open the scuttle.
johnson oh johnson johnson, I'll
break your neck-let me in, | say
Great heavens what is this ?" A
window below, in his own house, was
heard to fly open with a bang, and
a female voice that he knew too well
commenced screaming:
Murder Police Thieves! Fire
Hclpp'
Jarphly came near losing his grip
and sliding off the roof. Martha,
Martha dear, it's me- it's your own
jeremiah Shut up or you'll wake
up the whole 4th ward"
Murder! Thieves! Helpw in u
still louder key was the response, and
bang, bang flew up the windows in
all directions.
"Good Lord I'm a goner!" bit
terly exclaimed Mr.. Jarphly. "What
a luxury it would be to be shot to
death by the hind end of Il mule.
Ouch - A potatoo had countered
with a sharp blow on his anatomy. A
shower Of them followed. A brick
came sailing over the roof. Several
cobblestones bounced along the shin
giles in very unpleasant proximity.
"You Internal fools, stop that" he
roared. "Stop, or I'll--" A
stream of water cut short his threat,
and in less than a second he also was
yelling as loud as his lungs could op-
crate: "Help! help! Murderl I'll
break my neck Policel Police !
Police !"
By this time the street was filled
with excited men, women and chill
dren.
"It's a burglar that's attempted to
break into Mrs. Jarphly's through
the roof"
"Oh, the villain"
"Shoot him! shoot him !" and
many other exclamations came float
ing up to the victim on his perch.
An alarm of fire was turned in. The
engines, hose-carts, and hook k-and-
ladder came rushing upon the scene.
A ladder was run up to the roof On
this policeman mounted, and in
another moment the Thin Man found
on terra firma.
1t took his neighbors but moment
to recognize him, and it took him on
ly another moment to comprehend
the situation, and then u roar went
up that turned Mr.. Jarphly's very
soul to stone. But all of the anguish
of the preceding moments was moth
ing to the sensation he experienced
when Mrs. Jarphly viewed him in
well-feigned amazement, and ten
derly said: >"Why jeremiah Is it
your Why didn't you tell me you
wanted to come in over the roof, dear,
and I'd have left the scuttle open."-
Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.