davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28
WHY NOT:

WHY not soMns me fn Sraer %RS Fo" yo"r
Newspapers, Magazines and Periodicals?
Twill receive subscriptions at Publishers
prices. Give me your next order.
I am still agent for THE NEWS AND
COURIER COMPANY and will receive sub
scriptions for the Daily, Weekly and
Sunday editions. SAM NJ. GRIST.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28
Mu,npruns department.

His LAST CAsE-"Doctor, I have one
more case to try before I am done with this
world" said dying lawyer who had al
ways been great wag.
The doctor shook his head. ..-..
"Don't sly no, Doctor" said the dying
man, earnestly; ~ tell you it is imperative.' d
81 wish it were possible" said the Doctor,
but T am afraid it cannot be. This will
do, however, will promise to employ to1
you the ablest council, and see that your
clients interests are not prejudiced in the
slightest" -..,.,
"But my clients have nothing to do with
it, Doctor; this is private matter, case OF
my own. Do you think you can get the
services of Judge Blank?" naming his bit
est enemy.
ssDo you really want him? ?" asked the
Doctor in some surprise.
81 Then" said the Doctor, 81 will under.
take to get him. He will not refuse the re,
this case.n 81 referred to my burial case, u
responded the lawyer, feebly.
Then he died Cincinnati Saturday Night.
HEALTH HINTs.-The best way to deal
with cold is to avoid it.
Never pricka blister with pin. 1t rusts
the pin. =,
Vinegar and red pepper will make well
throat sore and a sore one well.
Corns can be cured by refraining from
wearing shoes three sizes too small.
The tendency to sleep too soundly can be
overcome by having hot soda biscuits fol
supper.
A little arsenic carefully used will in
time entirely clear the neighborhood OF rats
mice and amateur flute players.
Never wash iIh warm water before going
out in the cold air. It takes all the dirt OIL
and leaves the skin exposed to the cold.
Nothing is more dangerous than to walk
about with bare feet in the morning. II
there are fires to be started let your wife
attend to them.
Coarse brown paper soaked in vinegar
and placed on the forehead is good for a
sick headache. See that there is supply
of brown paper and vinegar in the house
before going to the lodge on initiation night
How A PROFESSOR RETAINED AN AUDI.
ENCE.-An amusing story reaches us from
Munich. During the past year the Profes'
sor of 1Ethetics in the University, whose
lectures are proverbially Wearisome, deilv,
cred his lecture (as usuaD to somewhat
exiguous audience. There were five stu,
grew "beautifully less" until at last but
one was left. This solitary individual
however, seemed to concentrate in his owr
person, all the diligence, application ano
punctuality of the frivolous fellows. At the
conclusion of the last lecture OF the course
the Professor approached him and praisec
him for these admirable qualities, and pro
ceeded to inquire Of him: what is youl
name, my young friend !" ., no answer answer
"What country are you from % Aosoiute
silence. The matter was soon elucidated
for it was discovered that the patient, per
severing disciple was poor deaf-mute,, who
had taken refuge from the severe cold O
winter in the warm lecture-room of the
University.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28

p9- The hymn beginning, ''The consecra,,
ted cross I'd bear" had just been sung, and
in the momentary quiet that followed, the
perplexed youth turned to his father: "Say,
pa, where do they keep the consecrated
cross-eyed bear?"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28
Specific Remedies for
Woman'S Woes.
nsAprIELp's FEMALE REGULATOR

Is result OF skillful and scientific combination
OF that special class of medicines known to act spe
ctfcally on the womb and uterine organs: and
is therefore special remedy for NIL diseases
pertaining to the womb. Its great efficacy In
cases Of suppressed OF painful menstruation,
the Whites, and Partial Prolapsus, stands un.
challenged. In these cases 1t affords immediate
relief, and permanently restores the men.
strual function, and thus protects woman
rom long train of disastrous consequences. As
an unfaling remedy to be used during that critical
period known as "Change of Life," this In.
valuable preparation has no rival.
PRICE,-Small size, 75c.; Large size, $150
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28

gAs the steamboat Oregon was passing,
newly-arrived Irishman belonging to the
celebrated O'Regan family, was heard to
-r-e-g-o-n-OReg oh, be
jabbers! only four four weeks in this coun-
try yet, and a steamboat christened after
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28

BYn An old Dutchman, who some years
ago was elected member of the Canada
Legislature, said, in his broken English
style: 49,,
''Ven vent to de Lechislature, fought |
would find dem all Solomons dere, but |
soon found dere vas some pig fools as Ivas."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28
SHERIFF'S SALE.

SHERTFF'S SALE.
South CarOliDa--YOrk County.
w. d. Parks, Plaintiff, against w. Holmes Har-
din and G. L. McNeel, Defendants.
DY virtue of an order from Judge T. B. Fra
I'D SER will expose to public sale at YORK
COURT HOUSE, on the
FIRST MONDAY OF MARCH, 1884,
Between the legal hours of sale, all that tract or
parcel of land situate in the county of York and
State aforesaid, on the waters of Bullock Creek,
containing
TWO HUNDRED & SIXTY-SEVEN ACRES,
More or less, bounded on the north by lands Of
Rachel Parks and II. II. Thomson; on the east,
by lands of S. l.. Davidson; on the south, by
lands of Rev. w. w. Ratchford and Mary Parks;
and on the east by lands Of Thomas X. Mickle
and others. The said tract being the land for
merly belonging to the estate Of Vincent Parks
deceased, and conveyed to w. Holmes Hardin by
r. III. Glenn, Sheriff of York county, by deed
bearing date the 18th day of January, 1873, by
virtue of an order of the Judge Of Probate OF
York county
TERMS OF SALE.
One-half cash. The balance on a credit of
twelve months, with interest from day Of sale,
secured by the bond Of the purchaser and mort
gage Of the premises. The purchaser will have
the privilege of paying the entire bid in cash.
Purchaser to pay for all necessary papers:
r. H. GLENN, S. Y. c.
February 9
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28
CO L. NARROW GAUGE RAILROAD
asasz ZEza@ss#=HE79l

CCHEDULE of Mail and Passenger Trains,
y from Hickory, N. G., to Chester, s.. G., ta-
King effect at II o'clock, Noon, Sunday, January
l3th 1884. Standard of time, clock in telegraph
Office at Chester
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28

Hg Tight boots are said to cause the blood
to mount to the face. That's why society
girls are all the time blushing.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28
Y0RKVILLE ENQUIRER.
PROSPECTUS FOR 1854.
a Fine Buggy as a Premium {!

IN issuing our prospectus for 1884, we deem 1t
only necessary to announce that the Leading
features which have characterized the editorial
conduct of the YoRKVILLE ENQUIRER for the
past quarter of century will be retained, and
what it has been in the past will be an assurance
of what it shall be in the future. The leading
departments of the paper will be retained as
heretofore, and they will be conducted with
the same labor and care that have marked our
efforts in the past. While the Literary and
Miscellaneous features of the ENoUIRER will be
kept up to the standard which has given the
paper distinctive character careful attention
will also be given to the News department,
which will embrace record Of the leading events
at the State and National Capitals; Congress
sional and Legislative proceedings; Scraps and
Facts being hotch h-poteh Of light current
topics a compend of the News Abroad and a., at
Home; General Correspondence; Market Re,
ports; Local, County and State News; Editorial
Articles upon appropriate subjects intended to
promote the welfare and prosperity OF our state
and people, which will, we trust, continue to
render the ENQUIRER a welcome and entertain
ing Family Journal.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28

aFOne of the boys in a New Orleans
school was asked, after various definitions
had been given by others, mostly quite cor
rect, what was meant by the verb to tantal-
ize. He replied: "It was to ask a great
many questions, and then criticise the an
-
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28

One of the most beautiful lyric poems in
any language is the twenty-third Psalm.
The language is simple, expressive and
meaning in the words,
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28

BaS Why don't you wheel that barrow of
Goals, Ned ?" said a learned miner to one of
his sons. "It is not hard job; there is an
inclined plane to relieve you"
for wit than work, ''the plane may be in
clined, but hang me if | am"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-02-28
LOB PRINTING.

Monthly statements at same price of sixth-she
dill heads. We will fill an order for bill heads,
giving any desired number ofeither size Of sheet
al nronnrfinnate prices. 49,
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05

The New York .noyaaS ion'na. Is now amusingly illustrated. Nerily the IoE,naI IS the friend of ,he poor man.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05
PLENTY OF WATER.

\ steamboa, landed at Cagman's Bend. on little river emPtying into the Arkan- saw, and the captain went ashore, being stranger in that part of the country, to get information which the pilot declared his inability to furnish. He had not pro- ceeded far when he reached small she'd like affair, with the words Plantation supplies an g;neral merchandise writ ten up over the door An old fellow in brown jeans, sat on box in front of the hoase, and when the captain approached, the old fellow nodded. and without speak ing, resumed his occupation of whiting the box.
 :" My friend. l am the captain of the Ellen K. which has -ast landed down here. My pilo, is not well acquainted with he river and would like some in- formation concerning the wager above here.
 Putty good water
 We passed some pretty bad water below here
 Vas. bu; the higher yer go on this here branch the better the water is
 :, ! ou don't mean to say tha, i,'s good all the way to the head"
 = That's whuI mean.
 :, How do you make ,ha. out"
 :" don, make i, out. bu, ii's d tack."
 = don, understand Il"
 Wall, ef yer don't see why the wa,e, in spring ain, better then i, Is in a branch ~y the La~d pity yer. tha,'s all E"
 :" You don, catch my meaning. I don't mean drinking water. bu, boating wa,er.n
 = l reckin it's good boa,;n' water
 I'm glad 10 hear you say so. Don't think I'll have any trouble in goin' up. do you?''
 Not ei yer go in wagin.'
 Thought you said i, was good boat ing water.
 :" 1t is ef yer ken gi, enough of it to- gether. Waters all right bu, i,'s little soace, fust rate. ,houg.l, whui thar is of it."
 How far IS il to the next landing:~
 No piece CT tall, fur yer ken land all erlong up thar"
 Look here. don, wan, any of your foolishness."
 Don't take ii then
 What have you got here -
 A s,o'.''
 What do you keep: :"
 :" Bacon an' couple CT dogs
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05
<" "DUGAN'S IN.

The expression of In Dugan." Is al most as familiar throughout the south as ' Barkis is willin'" is throughout the broad domain of the English language We don't know that the story of |" In Du- gan has ever been published. so, to save an extensive consultation with encyclo- p.c lias, we will give the recital as it was told us by an old steamboat man:
 About twenty-five years ago, Napo- leon. Arkansaw, justly celebrated by Mark Twain, and now lamented by many an old shoulder hitter" was in the blaze of its luiid glory. No town on the Missis- sippi river between Memphis and New Orleans, was so lively and physically business-lke. IL was the siugger' :" paradise : the elysium of the disciple who defended the faith with the "pepper-box
 One day an old fellow named Ddgan, landed al Napoleon He was extremely fond of sport. and was sensationally happy when occasion admitted of his stepping out and knocking down every man within reach. He liked the appear anoe of Napoleon, It's signs of pugilistic thrift pleased him While passing q whisky house he heard familiar sounds. Turning to a man who stood near. pay ing no attention to the neighboring hub bub, Mir. Dugan asked:
 What's gong on in there
 Fight
 '" Free fgh,
 Yes
 " Dugan's in.
 He stepped into the room where the engagement; was being played. but had hardly sized up" the situation when some fellow. using the language of the day and locality. took him in the bur of the ear" and downed him. He straight ened up, and just abou, tha, time a river roust-abou. paid him passing com pliment, and downed him again. He twisted around on the floor, stuck u3 his head and said ," Dugan's out"
 Arkansaw lost her greatest DOT, when Napoleon tumbled into the river. It was a sad day when the town said, ~Napo- Icons in.' and it will be many long day before II can say '' Napoleons out"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05
ROWING REFLECTIONS.

The humor of Hawtho: -e, glowing and picturesque, refined to exalted polish, can be surpassed by no man who since his time has taken up the pen of fAcetious- ness. His sketch of the custom house, introductory to the Scarlet Letter. is certainly the finest humorous sketch ever produced in this country. Some time ago, in a conversation with a newspaper man, the poet Whittier said: "l think that Hawthorne was the most perfect master of the English language. He was superior to Addison The Quaker bard may not find many high-headed critics to agree with him in this opinion, for mans judgment of elegan, dic,ion is based upon his appreciation of Addi- son not by people who really think, you understand, but by literary snobs.
 Hawthorne fne humor enabled him 10 write grave books. IL would never have aided him in publishing humor- ous newspaper. The faeetious journal must have no finely drawn humor. IL must begin with whoop and end with a haw-haw' If man takes up paper, modes,ly intended for amusement and fails to swell up and grow red in the face with glancing down an article, he thinks that the editor is pretentious fool. The editor may be fool. and the chances are in favor of this supposition, but he may be modest instead of pretentious. A modest fool is jewel Some, of the dearest companions our life has known were modest fools.
 It is pity that Hawthorne had not lived and retained his mental vigor until the dawning of the humorous paper era. He may, as Whittier says, have been the king of English, and could, as we all know, write a sketch full of deep and re- fined ehuckle, but we should liked to have seen him edit one ot the so called hu- morous papers of to-day. His refined humor, golden in its purity, would have to be supplanted by brass ere the acme ofsueeess would be attained IL IS said tk at this prince of pure words and czar of smooth sentences contemplated establish ing weekly paper very much like the humorous pal CTS which al this moment cover our desk, and, since this announce ment has been made. we must aeknowl edge that this white elephant of elegant composition died just at the right time.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05
A WAR MEMORY.

In ISbc, while General Hindman was commanding the confederate forces al Little Rock. piece of strategy which should not be lief, unrecorded. was prac- ticed by the Gentleman in Gray" Hindman only had few thousand ill., armed troops. and when he heard ,ha, the federal general. Curtis, stationed a, Helena, WAS preparing to move on Little Rock, he sent for Colonel Robert Newton. chiei of staff. and slid
 Look here. Bob. understand ,ha, Curtis, with thirty five or forty thousand IS preparing to march on us. You very readily understand tha, We cannot enter tain so much company.
 Cant xe send out and borrow from .se ae,shhc.=:' Ne-..cn -essss-s.e.
 Not very well, and besides. think that the visitors would prove to be ,rou- blesome. My idea is to send them worc no, to come. Now let us put our heads together in regard to the best means of making known our wishes and after earnest delibera,ion they de- cided to arrange mail, ostensibly for diiferen, persons. bu, really for General Curtis.
 One letter was addressed to the con- federate secretary of war "! do no, like to make complaints the communi- .tion ran. but circumstances compel me to call your attention to certain shor, comings of General Beauregard Severa! weeks ago. he promised to send me forty thousand stands of arms and thirty pieces sf artillery, but instead, he has only sent me twenty-five thousand stands of arms and twenty pieces of artillery. This, even counting the stores we have received from Texas, is no, enough for
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05
Salaries of Poet Laurea,es
Pitts burg Dispatch.

Whsn ames l. appointed Ben Jonsoa poet laureate he gave him an annual ssl- ary of 100 marks, equal to s53s. ca ,on- sons rhymed petition to The bes, Q: monarehs, masters, men," Charles I. in- creased the poets pension to s,oo, giying him " one tierce of Canary spanish vine out of our store of wines yearly" The salary was adequate for the convenierces of ife at tha, time, being the same as VAS pad to the kings physician but both pension and puncheon were often in ar reaIs- Davenant vas nominally laureate tor thirty years, but owing to political oonmo,ion and the Puritan ascendency was far from obtaining regular payment of his salary. Dryden was made iaurea.e ard hissoriographer royal in 1870. the two appointments joined in one pa,ent gising him sI 900 year-equal to at less; 5 900 no~-a-dAys the tierce of ca nary, his salary being subsequently :n- creased to sl,5oo, with an additional per sion of $500 dependent on the ksng's pleasure
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05
JOURN NALISMS 5

The Williamspor, B,rsSflI I,s .e IS one of the bes; family papers in Amer.ci.
 G,,t, of Williamspor,, IA. IS an able paper. It's though, e,ohings especially are gems.
 The New York .noya.ac ion'na. Is now amusingly illustrated. Nerily the .IoH,nsi IS the friend of ,he poor man.
 w. l. Hampton, of ;he .u<,. aunl- 7raste!e, Is poet. He has often at tempted ,s disguise this fac, bu, .ts ou,- eroppings are continually visible.
 The .Ho:.-sl 0bsc, e, by the Music al Observer Publishing company, Boston. is a new weekly. devoted 10 music. ar. and the drama. lt one oi the mos; ar,istic journals oi it's class
 George Dit,oe, of the Kentucky .>ssA. jsayas. has fifteen hairs on the ,op ot his head. IL IS said ,ha, he intends to pull all bu, nine out and 'oin base ball club early next spring.
 George Russ Brown, vice-presiden, of the Little Rock tiss-e0e Printing Com pany, has been elevated to the business management of tha, extensive concern. Only few years ago Mir. Brown was a eompositor in the Ga-etse office, and the result of his perseverance and close ap- plication 10 business is an encouraging example to hundreds of youag men who are struggling for foo,hold in the steep pathway of success.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05
THE GENERALS VISITOR.

when 0cucfAl Otccfc was commander of the post at Little Rock, he was visited one day by an old fellow from the Cove" a secluded district of the Ozark mountains.
 |" thought I'd come around" said the old fellow, ito tell you piece O news.'
 :" am pleased at your consideration, replied the general. Is this news im- portant?"
 "Wail, l reckon it is, so much so that i''e stayed here for three days tryin' to see you," and he grinned at the military man.
 After moment of silence, the general turned te the visitor and said:
 What is the information you desire to impart, old gentleman ?"
 Something you never woulder thought about, gineral."
 !" But tell me"
 ''Oh, will, for that's the reason I'm here. only want to give you time to prepare for the revelation, as it were. ain't much on military rules, an don't know much about soldiers, havin never seed but few soldiers an one O them stold my chickens, an don't want to shove this thing too sudden"
 Well, I'm waiting"
 Yes, glad to see it, too
 :" But you must tell me expeditiously, for my time is valuable
 That's the way I'm goin' to tell you. for I've wasted a long time already. There's none O the punkin eater bout me"
 Look here, old man. You say you have important news. You don't know how important piece Of news can be to me. Wha, you have to say may concern my army in fact, the entire Union.r
 That's what it mout, gineral."
 Then, sir, want you to out with the inform ation.''
 . Don't be too rampant
 I'll pu, you in the guard-house if you don, tell
 I'm goir' 10 tell, fur come fur that very obJeck. Promise me one thing, gin eral."
 What IS i,2 Be quick.
 Promise me that you won't hold me responsible for not tellin' you sooner"
 "l promise"
 Make that soldier thar git out"
 The soldier was ordered 10 leave the room. Now you won't say tha, I've neglected my duty!'
 Certainly not. Proceed, please"
 Don't you think yon'd better have a man to make record O what say ?''
 Never mind that. can remember.
 Wall" drawing his chair close to the general, you're names Steele, ain ii ,''
 Yes; go on.''
 That's good, an that $ wha, lowed ;"
 ' Bu, confound il, what is the informa- ton you wanted to tell me ~
 ''This, gineral," and his voice sank to a whisper. My fust wife was Steele. Let's go out an git drink
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05
WANTED SUPPER.

:" How long fore supper, lady:" asked a newly-engaged colored nurse.
 We donthave any supper, Miranda" !"
 "Whut. doan' hAb no supper?~
 No"
 Whut's gwine do: Yersef an yer husband nout not want any supper, bu, ] does, femme tell yer. Reckin I'd better make de fire an le, yer gi, me a snack ter eat.'
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05

mean what's your stock in trade P l ain't in the stockin' trade, but I've got the alhredest par O socks yer ever seed.r
 You know what think of your Yas, yer think I'm colonel"
 4 No, don't think you are fool @Wan. it's all the same. Good day Take kere O yerself."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-05

IRE military craze. which swep, over the south some time ago. has fortunately subsided. The needle-gun has been sup- planted by the yard stick, and the per funed young man of the epaule,s has come down until he Is again mortal.