The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1884-05-15

f. Unaoe =. our IaIe IN earthly paradise,
Grant tnat our tears be dew-drops in thy
Florence N. gyrre, In Harper's Magazine.
MY BIG FISH.
Three months ago I was a happy
man. 1 had a charming wife, two hand
some children, a comfortable income, a
considerable practice, and (for a solicit
tori a clear conscience. All but the
last still possess, but the loss of that
one item has destroyed my peace of
mind and embittered my whole exist
euce. And yet I cannot but think that
there was great excuse for me. When
man basely yields to temptation he is
said to. .,fal1," but that expression
hardly applies to my case. I was reg
ularly pushed over by other people. But
L will tell my painful story and the
reader shall judge for himself.
My name is Marmaduke Howard
Jones. Dropping the Howard as trife
o ornate for everyday use, I am
known socially and professionally as
Marmaduke ii. Jones; and l have felt
some little pride in the name, as being
uncommon, not to say d~istingue. I do
not mean to suggest that / am by any
means the only Jones, and there are
doubtless other Marmadukes; but the
tout ensemble, the combination, Marina
duke ID. Jones, totus, teres Gtque ro-
updus, has always struck me as pos
seSslng considerable artistic merit, and
as doing great credit to my godfathers
and my godmothers. l fiattered myself
that the combination was at any rate
unique, and certainly neve supposed,
until a few weeks since, that there
could possible be another individual,
Still less another member of nv w
profession, rejoicing in the very same
name. The reader will therefore un-
derstand that the supposition of mis-
taken identity was the. last that was
likely to occur to mt when, on opening
my letters n morning q couple of
months ago, / found the following from
an old friend resident in Yorkshire:
"TIPCAT, Yorks.
"DBAR OLD Boy: Just seen a notice of your
splendid success, and hasten to congratulate
US very shortly. know of a whopper, not
far from here. that should like You to have
= so sny s a.; KsSa regards as to The EIfs; Eyer
I stared at the letter in amazement.
/ had recently got a verdict in a rather
uphill case of Grumley VS.. Pipkin, but
it was not a matter of much public in
terest, and was scarcely likely to have
made any marked sensation in q small
town in Yorkshire. Still, this being the
only available explanation, I adopted
1t. The allusion to the 'swhopper''
whom l = was invited to have a shy at was
mysterious; but l concluded that it re-
ferred to some wrong-doer of high de-
gree POSSIBLY the parson orthe squire)
who had been riding roughshod over
his humber neighbors, and whom
Thorogood desired, in country phrase,
to shave the law Of" Iput the letter
aside and went on with my other cor
respondence. Presently L came to a
still more mysterious epistle:
"BoUNDERBY, NEAR TIvERToN.
SIR: Having seen the report of your recent
achievement, | trust you win pardon my in.
quiring what flight you are in the habit of
USING !fee1 mat l am taking a liberty in ad,
but our mutual interest in the same pursuit
must be my excuse.
Il inolose stamped envelope for reply.
Il remain your Obedient servant,
PODMORE."
'.Grumley VS.. Pipkin must have made
more noise than / imagined" 1 solilo-
quized. "But what on earth does the
man mean by his flight and our
mutual interest in the same pursuit:
Does he think l am a member of the
Aerial Navigation Society? As he has
sent a stamped envelope for reply, ]
suppose he must have one, so here
goes:
@39 FURNIvAL's INN.
DEAR SIR: I am in receipt of your letter
but haven't a notion what it means. Please
'MARMADUKE II. JONES'"
The next letter I came to was from
brother solicitor on professional bust
ness, but in aP. S.. the writer said: 'sAc.
cept my congratulations on your bic
fish. l had no idea you were such 8
sportsman"
'Big fish! Here's another lunatic!''
/ CALCULATED; but at that moment I was
interrupted by the entrance of a client.
After we had disposed of his business,
he remarked, as he stood up to take
his leave:
Everybody is talking about that big
pike of yours. I'm not a fisherman nv.
self, but infer that it was a very swell
achievement. Allow me to congratu.
late you."
.tWhat on earth are you referring
TOP" l exclaimed. :
"Why, that big pike that you caught
at-where was itP-Newbury, or some
such place. l saw it mentioned in one
of the papers. You didn't know yor
were SO famous, perhapsP'
81 certainly did not. The thing mus
be a hoax. l ever caught "a pike il
my life, and don't intend to. But now
/ begin to understand some extraordi
nary letters which 1 have received Shi:
morning. Some rascally practica.
joker has started the report, I suppose
to put me to the trouble of contradict
ing it; but / won't give him that salts.
faction"
Then you haven't caught a big fish
at alp" said my visitor. ..Well,
thought such a feat was hardly in YOU
Inc" And he took his leave with /,
slightly injured air. as though, 1 haC
swindled him out of q congratulatior
under false pretenses.
| went on with the perusal of my let
tiers and dismissed the matter from my
mind. But it was not to be so easily go
rid of. When | went into the stree
every other person [ met alluded il
some shape or other to my '.big pike
OF course l fastened to explain
that the report was groundless
and that 1 had not caught any pix,
at all. But my protestations were re
ceived in a manner Ito use q familia-
phrase) to make a saint swear. l d.
not suppose for a moment that a sain
could or would swear, but, if he eve
did, l cannot conceive any provocatior
which would more. fully Justify him il
doing so. Where my assurances wer,
credited, my i~nterlocutors made it quit,