Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1884-07-05

[BY SENATOR JOHN wALKEn.l

bled to-day for the purpose of celebra.
ting the IoSth birth day Of our nation,
the U. S. Of America, commonly called
Uncle Sam, but which we choose to call
Uncle Sam, and in SO doing let US give
furtive glance at the past the present
and the future. From the reading of
our Naturalization Papers we learn
few things which briefly told are as fol-
lows: Sam being healthy boy thought
he ought to have as big piece of pie
as his ma, and his mother thought diff
ferently. Sam proceeded to help him.
self to the family pie contrary to orders.
Sans ma, Britannia, went for the family
raw hide to chastise him, and Sam
scooted for the blue beach swamp to get
a stick TO stand the old woman off. They
met and game of lickity.cut was the
result. This occurred about 1916, there
or Whereabouts. The chances are Sans
ma would have got the best OF it had it
not been for French boy named La
Fayette, who didn't like Sans ma at
all, coming along and taking sides with
Sam, and who tried TO trip the old
woman up, and who whispered to Sam
not to keep striking his ma on the bus
tie but TO strike below her skirts and
hit her on the shins, and Samuel done
so, which made the old lady vince.
Casting her eyes over her shoulder she
saw some other French boys in her East
India peach orchard. So she told her
boy Sam he could git, light out, vamos
the ranch, and strike out for himslf;
and Samuel done so, and his ma went
after them French boys and you can bet
your bottom dollar that them French
boys that wanted East India peaches
met with a Waterloo defeat. So Sam
struck out for himself, and about the
FIRST thing he done was to marry
girl named Miss Columbia, and
she bore him many children of
of the E Pluribus Unum breed,
good healthy boys and girls too, in a
general way of speaking. About eighty
years after the family rumpus of Sam
my and his ma, Mother Britania conclud-
ed 10 have sort Of cattle show that she
called the London Worlds Exposition,
and she sent note to her boy Sam if
he had any stock to exhibit to trot it out,
and Sam'l done SO and his ma took a
fancy to it and gave him more presents
than she did TO any body else. About
ninety years after Sammy started into
house keeping. some OF his boys and
girls got rambunctious on the niger
question and between them and the mig.
ger pretty good sized stink was kicked
up. Some Of Britania's boys tried to
help the niger side and did do a con-
siderable damage, but few carom shots
from the Kearsarge and few push shots
from the Monitor, convinced them they
were over matched in that game Of bill
lizards, and threw up the game in dis.
gust. And when Samuel presented his
bill for damages, both Sam and his ma
agreed TO leave it to a Board Of County
Commissioners to decide and whatever
they agreed upon should be the fair,
square thing, There was decision in
Sans favor, and his ma paid it like a
sensible woman. There is this amount
of philosophy in this transaction which
teaches us that it is far better, and more
economical to submit to a jury trial,
than to go to the expense Of buying
double barreled shot gun and the nee.
essary amount of ammunition, and then
setting your own heads up as target
to shoot at. 1876 was the Tooth ami
versary OF Sans marriage with Miss
Columbia, and he concluded to have a
circus in the city of Philadelphia in
honor Of the event, and he sent his ma
complimentary ticket which she ac-
cepted. When she arrived Sam escort
ed her to the shade trees which
surrounded Independence Hall, procur-
ed two straws, large sized tumbler Of
lemonade from which they both sucked
till fully tstisfed. Then Samuel took
his ma on a pleasure trip through the
chain of Northern Lakes, down the
Ohio river. up the Tennessee, Cumber-
land. Missouri and many other rivers,