The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1884-02-14
The Tooth Ache.

Joy forever (CO look AZ. =
The Tooth Ache.
Mr.. ED1roR.-Tne subject of my
discourse explains itself. No com.
ment is necessary. 1t is already un-
ravelcd. No mystery surrounds or
oversl,adows cit" There is no
Latin, no Greek. No tempus on.,cus
onsore acetobulxn, atoitiori nothing
but the pure unatlulteratel Anglo
Saxon United States. If there is
any one subject that strikes home to
the hearts ofnlne tenths OF the worlds
people more forcibly than another il,
is the one heading this simple nara
tive. It is II disease incident to hu
manity, and thank heaven is no re-
specter Of persons. 1t is quite rs
likely to parafyze the president of the
United States or George W. Peck's
Bad Boy as you or me. 1t is rs at'
to settle down to work ON the Million.
aire as the man without penny.
1t is as liable to tear the j,w off from
Oscar Wilde rs the average American
dude. 1t is just a. likely to wrap
Uncle Sammy Tilden's head up in
hot poultices and make him say cuss
volds rs it is any other democrat.
1t is safe to say that man who has
never had a siege of tooth ache is
only half 4 MN, for he can have but
a very faint sense ot what life in it's
real IMPORTS. No man is thorough
Iy equipped for its trials ami fitted
for it's grave responsibilities until he
has had about three weeks siege with
this enemy of our souls and an hours
experience with that monster in hu
man shapes dentist.-We trus: d..
Hawes will excuse the '.lnonster'''.
portion Of tle'-:::rbove as = we promise
to retract if he does us 4 good jni
when in Verndale this week. There
are folks in the United States mean
enough to laugh 1T tellowbeing
when on the verge of the grave with
the jumping tonthache. Did you
ever have this peculiar kinl OF ache?
Well it is real entertaining to say the
least. Imagine yourself sitting by
the parlor stove sparkling your best
girl when all at once. without i mo.
ments warning, along comes q case OF
this kin:l and before you can think
you have spilled your girl of from
your lap, yelled Bloody Murder
md bumped your head against e
ceiling Of the room and about the
time you strike the floor the old m III
waltzes in and taking you gently by
the nap Of the neck and pants, kindly
assists you down the front steps witt,
4 rapidity Of movement that is &c
tually astonishing. Then you will
cease to woallcr what the p,et me mt
Il had the tooth ache once. AMI how
every tooth did jump, it seemed to
me rs tl,"ngh the devil had turnc'i
loose $4,000 angels and they with
crow bar aud hand spike were prying
around each stump" This Quota
tiOn is Verbatin, ct Hteratin. If there
is anything in this sin-bouml world
that will try a mans pa,ience and
test his virtue it is this. 1t is worse
than putting up stovc-pipes or get
Ting married. The best man in
America when in the throes Of this
sgonizing agonizer will think cuss
words. and ! know it. Dyes l see
you laugh my sanity brother biped,
but just wait pard Until you hay had
\ rough and tumble with a regular
old crushcr. Wait till there is mu-
Liny on board and the molars, aud
cuspids and bi-cuspids and incisors
and wisdom teeth and nut crackers
and grinders, and sugar teeth ard
eye teeth and milk teeth and all the
rest of them get on an old fashioned
tear, and send their fiery darts
through your brain and into your
|'ody, and your fingers and toes curl
in like burnt thistles, md your facial
whiten like unto mountain
Of snow aud you l.'p down limp ,s :,
dish rag. then unerring brother ycu
will repent in sack cloth and ashes.
Did You ever have tooth jerked
No! Well then you have \ treat t.,
come. How we'll I recollect my first
Twas a front tooth and
it had been giving me the ID tor
days and l finally repaired to
the home of the dentist. He was
funny man. He complimente,l me on
my good Looks and the sounelness
beauty 1T my teeth. However, rs /.
have had the tootlache ever since
and had u teeth pulled l naturally
conclude the william was makiag
sport Of me. After very mature
deliberation the man of steel settled
himself directly il, front ot me .,stl
begun operations. particular
friend of mine held my l,ead, AIr.
Dentist .caagl1 on, e Is the boys s:,r