South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1884-12-12
WIT AND HUMOR.

VA gen;icnssa Shoait vpulaT0S gross
nitesy to eau hpasIy sssmsrxS to a;
chii.as house whore 10 10 visiting -
We'll, my zine boy. what do you think
OF me. eh P The boy gags himself With
! Ais 0noefs anls rsnsiis xsiIe d a tCopesI
DOW. says che vissOs, kS6ly. My wob'f
you tell me what you think about ns p
Cause l don't want TO be whipped
a sssrs ..eoa j tho 49, al
Dawaon csuB -sous.. whs,e The swsse
counting shes dtes las. Tss.da agt !
and heard the clerk call, Tally! a.
every fifth vote was called. After lis
1ening ssps ,ins Dc wsnss , wa rs1
marking that nc thought dat man Tally
would be 'lected.'
QulEs A SusesisE.--Ji9 WsbsssF
has been before tie courts Of Austin
innumerable times for various petty Of.
fences lie was triedfor stealing chick
ems oaO day last week. Kindly lhsI
judge told him:
You can 20. You are discharged.
The jury has decided that you are not
guilty.
Jim passed his hand over hi. brow
and asked ia dozsd sort Of . vAy: -
Nc. not guilty" ga ~ as|
Yes, you are not guilty. @- -
You don't tell me so, boss. so ne-
Der had nufIin like dat happen to me
before. Dis am mishty funny yeah.
anyhow. Fust lie 'publicans didn' ii ect
OAR president. and now Use been found
not guilty Ob tampering wid dem pull.
lets stole Est FFH
CARRYING A CONCEALED WsApoN.-
why do you refuse TO live with your
wiie?' inquired Judge Duly Of Dennis
Mulcahy.
Becase I'm in dhread av me lole
wild her. l
How is your life endangered =
She shteals on me, yer no ,or, wild
concay!ed weapon. She has it on her
person now ~
It's lie, Judge. The truths not in
him. shouted Mrs. Mulcahy. u
Silence, woman said the Judge. \
Constable has any conce alsd weapon
been found on this woman p /
No, yer honor
what do you mean =" :, ing that
your vile car .es :. concealed weapon 2
What do l mean is it? If yc wore
married 10 her ye'd know what mean
Can't the court find i, out without
getting married to her 2
You can, yer honor. just say some.
thing to raise her timper and she'll un-
screw that ould concayled wooden leg OF
hers and clane out the coorl.'- Teras
.Syiinys. .-..-,
ono oil the many amusing stories in
which Prince John Van Burcu figures
as hero turns on droll feat of his mis-
quotation The Prince once accepted an
invitation TO address q large gathering
of Sunday school children, and in the
course Of his remarks undertook t. en-.
terrain them with the story Of ia
cob and Esau. Midway in the narrative
he was AWAKE that his coat tails were
being vigorously pulled, and half turn.
ing bis head to find cut the trouble lie
was mat by this exhortation from tue
friend in his rear: For goodness sake.
John, cut it short and sit down; you'Fg
getting the hair on the wrong man !
Shs-'SO Mr.. bricks is elected. after !
all Hs-'Whst Dricks?' She--'Why. |
Mr.. Henry bricks, OF Indiana Ife-
oh. you mean Headricks, don't your
She-'Of course; but don't, think it
is polite to call such nice old gentle-
man Hem .'sr7i
The DRoNKs IN SOCIETY --Ons OF
the upper 10000 who are visiting Amer
les, accepted the hospitality eff a gentle
man in New York. When taking fare
well OF bis host, the latter asked him
what he thought of tue American PEG.
pie.
Wa answered the nobleman. Il like
TIA immensely, but miss some
hing
What is thatr ntked the Yankee.
'Thc aristocracy.'
What are theyr naIvely asked his
host.
The aristocrscy, said the noblemnu.
in a somewhat surprised tone Of voice.
why, they are people who do nothing.
you know; whose grandfsthers did |
nothing, you know in-fact-'