Dodge City times., 1884-04-17

"Do they make you tired?'
"Well. / should hum!''

y
"Well, / should hum!''
The question and its metaphorical
but vigorously expressive answer were
inspired by the presence of a Detroit
Jude "a genuine specimen of the species)
in Griswold street barber shop. The
person who proposed the question was
gentleman who subsequently ex-
olained that the sight of dude or even
dudelin- who merely parts his hair
IN 8 ir','Giej, had almost as marked
= - =. ol him as water has on a dog
I'd with hydrophobia.
Il git quite procesh of them things
in nv chair" continued the barber.
with q curious nervous movement "a
cross between chuckle and a shudder
-''but jest as sOOn's warm weather
comes I'm goin' to rattle 'em out, now
don't you forget it."
why? Are they not profitable GUS
tomers?''
mot much! There's that little feller
that jest went out. We call him Lizzie
here in the shop-when he amt around
because he's more like girl goin' to
her first ball than a man. l don't
'spose he's more'n twenty years old,
but his git-up's a killer. He come in
here the night of the swell skatin' party
at McQuade' rink, with a claw-ham-
mer coat on under taller (new-market
you know, that pretty nearly dragged
on the ground, q white Handkerchief
spread out under bis vest, and the
darndest toothpieky pair of toothpick
shoes on ever got onto-and I've seen
some tough ones in my time. was
waitin' on a customer, and so this feller
he set down in that very chair you're in
now, hauled out one-eyed eye-glass,
stuck it into his right eye, screwed up
the right-hand corner of his mouth and
made out s he was a readin'. Mr..
Merryweather, there, laughed so much
he's been sick ever sence.
when l got through with my regu-
lar customer I tried to fish up an ex-
cuse to git out of the shop, but the dude
got onto me and l was stuck. | had
to bang his hair, then part it down the
middle little ways and then plaster it
and bring the ea"-locks forward. After
that he wanted hand-gl and then
had to arch up his eyebrows, which he
wouldn't let me do till he'd stuck that
one-eyea glass in :.ain."
''Well, you made at least a dollar on
the job?"
'Got jest twenty-five cents. Why.
every time that feller and his kind come
around they want the ends of their hair
trimmed and don never want to pay
more n ten cents for it, e.ther.''
What is your observation with re-
spect to the intellectual strength of men
who part their hair in the middle9"
''Oh, that depends. We git Canucks
and Enc 9lishmen here sometimes who
do that and yet who seem to have horse
sense; but when it comes TO our own
country folks (Americans, l mean not
Africans,) the fellers that part their
hair in the middle don't amount to a
hill of beans can't talk about anything
but clothes and hair oil. with now n
then an exception bout gals. Never
saw one of them cusses that didn't
think every gal he knowed was dead
gone on him, and I'll bet money not one
of 'em could tell to save his soul when
the Maytlower come over or whether
Abe Lincoln or Bismarck issued the
emancipation proclamation"
Here Mr.. Merryweather seized the
opportunity to remark that "none o
them dudes dast 60 to the roller skatin'
rinks for fear all the ladies'd be after
EN- to skate to fast music, and that d
sweat their bangs all OUT
''S-s-s-h" commanded the boss as an
other dudelet swung open the door and
came simpcring along to the enemy
chair.
The boss winked wickedly. Mr..
Merryweather stuffed one fist into his
mouth, the historian of the episode paid
for two weeks shaves and the curtain
dropped.-DetrOI Free Press.