Daily Republican., 1884-08-18
Latest vxoM rmE CosnEzs.

LATEST IRON TME COaAERs.
The MOsnsnasaOa ~ cleveland aMa
Menaraeks BstlAea.
CoSFEDERATE X RoAp lbs which is IN |
the 6taoe Of kentucky July "a. The
nooEe NV the nominxshen NV Cleveland
for the Presidency by the Democratic
NMshnel Convenshun Mt Chicago, recent
the Corners by mule express from the
stashun Of SecesSionville. To say that
the nooze evoked tn profoundest Sen
sashun Ia putin 1t altogether too mild.
The horn wuz footed from the front NV
BasoOm's grocery, and ut the summons
the citizens NV the Corners rallied at
the meetin house and We organized our.
selves TO wunst into y ati6cation meet
in.
took the chair, ez . matter Nv
course, and Issaker Gsvitt wuz yoonani-
mously appointed Secretary, he being
the only citizen nv the DinocrAtic per
suAsion In the Corners wich hez the
gift OF ritin, ceptin myself, and Nv
course I can't be- President and Sekre-
tary NV The same meetin.
The f0olerin rosolooshen wuz to wunst
submitted
Resolved, That tho Dimocrisy nv
Confederit X Roads, hev hesrd with
mingled emoshuns NV pleasure and
gratitood Nv the nom inashen Nv that
sterlin patriot and world renowned
Statesman, Cleveland Nv
Their enso.,d vt shis point most
okkerd pause.
What State Is Cleveland from 2"
enquirod the Chairman Of the Commit
tee on keso loosheps.
"Cv Moo York." answered prompt
lily.
The blank wuz filed in when un-
forcbnitly 1t wuz sejest@d that ez the
resolooshens wuz aguin out to tue
world 1t would be- decent to put in his
fust name, AMI not one NV us knowd
wat 1t wuz.
Deekin Pogram insisted that 1t must
| be Androo. The first vote / cast TOR
. Dimokrat for President" he remarkt,
wuz for Andr0o, Androo Jaxon, and
the last Dimokratic Presi ent We he'd
WIZ another Audroo, Androo Jonson,
This man Cleveland, his name must be
Androo"
And NO it went into the resolooshens
Androo Cleveland.
1 diskivered q difikilty the mint
red the platform. Deekin Pogram is
and allug hez ben, a violent free trader,
while Issaker Gavitt is, and hez blu, =
Violent perte :kshunist ever sence he
sekoored q interest In . rollin mill
which sum Eastern capy talists estab-
lisht on his fathers farm, l supposed,
however, that he'd EN- both fixed.
| red 1t TO them separately, and constrood
| to Issaker that nothing Good be more
peteck shun, and to the good old Deekin
that 1t wuz az wildly free trade ez even
he Good desire.
The platform wux red by myself, and
We PROPOSED another resolooshen
approviu that. Then trouble ensOod.
Deskin Pogram, witch 10 violent
free trader, riz TO remark that he Good
vote for that platform with his whole
hart and sole. He he'd bin FREE trader
all his life and he never knowd .
lDimekratic Convenshun to plant itself
NO clearly and explicitly on the side nv
free trade senee he he'd bin in p0llyttx.
Isszker Gavitt riz 10 say he Good vote
for the tariff plank with all hiz hart,
becoz that plank showed that the
Dimocrisy he'd finely got right on the
tariff question, the plank, ez he red 1t,
being for the proteckshun NV Amerikun
industry. 1t wuz encirridgin TO them,
witch believed in progress and sich. to
hev the Dimocrisy NV tho Nashen rite
onto this most important pint.
"Do you pretend to say that the
Dimocratic platform favors protec'
shun 2" shrlekai the Deekiu. Ez il
wuz red to me-, 1t liz for tree trade, pure
and simple.
"Yoo old ass, can't 700 understand
lplane English? Ell 1t isn't square
tocd proteckshun dockyinent | cam
spell You are O fool and alluz wuz. >
Jist then the Deekin, in the interest
!, NV harmony, announst his intenshun
NV whalin issaker and proceeded to dc
lit, and ez the old man alluz did hes
: muscle Their wux the prospsx NV a lively
row. He jumped across the seets to the
. Secretary desk and he'd Issaker by the
throte, and Issaker bed him by the hail
wher it Is the shortest, and they wuz
! rollin on the floor in less'n no time.
In the meantime Bascom and Kerne
NJ Pelter he'd got into . tussle ez Il
what the platform meant on the money
|, | q uestion, and the rest Nv the citizenl
: get into squabble ez to whether Cleve
! land wuz q Dimekrat ut all or not, be
coz TammAny opposed him, and tn
: lupshot of the biznis wuz Their wuz ;
row witch includid every Din ekra
/ present except me, snG We broke ~
without passin any resolooshens
ratifyin the nominashen ut all.
Deekin Pogram and retired to tn
back room NV Bascom's, and while tn
old Saint WIZ washin' the blood OF
e his face, we he'd conversashen over til
v platform.
Parson," sed tie old man. wha
Is the reel meanin NV the PLATFORM"
"Anything 700 like, wuz the reply
anything 700 like. Remember it's
Dimocratic platform an d Dimocrati
y platform must be comprehensive"
/. "Does it mean free trade or pertecl
Ishun?"
= +" Either or both, or neither.
- "Parson, wunst on time an ekel
!. train attempted the perilus feet NV ridi
1t two bosses, witch wuz goin In diffe
emit direckshuns. 1t RESULTED In toll
failyoor, and he wuz split in two, an
a his blood drenched the arena."
Ie "Deekin, recognize the parable
7. But 700 must remombeE we Amt ridi
1.-TWO horses, jist now. We hev on
N promised to ride EN-. We hev not y
got into the saddle. We hev promise
o. TO ride the perteckshun boss and lik'
wise the free trade boss, bnt we don
lbey to get onto em till after the NOveu
Der elekshum. The post offises and Gu
= tom houses are then sekoored, and att
ii THAT we kin ride either hoes, or neithe
N Iez We SOC 1T. The name pint Is to 8
:, the ofises. After that We will tai
our chances with the people. We 6
four ysers lease Nv power anyhow
4 Don't 700 see ?"
o "Principle 2" sed the Deektn inqat
2. ingly. 49,,