Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-12-01

ge-struck-Knocked down by an
omnibus.
A lonesome swell is the very picture of
solitude.
The reason of badness is that people
desire to be clear headed.
A late thing in fall raps-A policeman
knocking man down with his club at
midnight.
Sweet are the uses of advertisements
cat top of column and next to reading
matter.
Holland has ten thousand wind mills.
That country is well equipped for a po-
litical campaign.
care not the stars silent tonight"
she said softly, gazing at them over his
shoulder. 'sY-yes,' he replied, "but do
you think they are more silent than us
ual?"
s'What strong smell of cloves!" ex-
claimed Mrs. Badger. 'Yesh (hic,) my
dear. Cloves (hic) are good for moths
(hic) in your clothes" eyes, James !;
but you don't wear your clothes in your
mouth"
"You must give up all the tricks of the
trade," said the pastor to the grocer, s'if
you expect to go to heaven" 81 have
thought about that for a long time.
think l will do so after the lst of Janua-
ry." ''Why don't you do so now, broth
er? There is no time like the present. "
81 can't do it now very well, but l will
then" ''Why do you set that date?''
because on the first of the year l retire
from business"
s'Is Mr.. Hardest an extravagant liver?'
| asked Crimsonbeak of Yeast on a recent
evening, as they sat and smoked pipe
| apiece. ''No. 1 never saw anything
about his house that would give such an
| impression, replied Yeast II was al
| ways under the impression that he was a
| 'pay-as-you-go' sort of man." ''Well,
| if he pays as he goes" said Crimsonbeak, k,
dusting the ashes from his pipe. "he
| must 60 uncommonly Slow
A stranger was getting his boots shined
up by one of the post Office brigade yes
terday, and the lad had about finished one
when the man said; 'Boy, suppose l re-
fuse to pay you after the job is finished
what would you dor" s'Never take such
risks" was the reply. ''What do you
mean?" "Why (spit) after 1 (rub) got
one (rub) boot did, (three or four rubs)
lean back like this and wait for the fellel
to come down with his cash." The mar
came down.
| George had proposed and been accept
ed. "Well,'' she said, II can sing ane
| play on the piano and harp, can paint
and at the seminary l was up in the flint
arts, and political economy, and logic
and can crochet beautifully, and pla.
lawn tennis, and, and-that's about all,
think. Now, tell me what are some o
your accomplishments, George?" g
| haven't got any, ''Not a single one?
"Well," he said, with sigh, ''if the wors
should come to the worst, think nigh
be able to COOK
A clergyman holding services at a plac
one time, took up a collection for the sup
port of missions. There was poor oil
lady present who dropped So gold-piec
in the hat. Knowing that she was yer
poor and not able to afford SO much, h
thought she had intended to throw in
quarter, but made mistake. So next da
he met her with her husband and said t
him: s'Look here, your wife put a
, gold-piece in tie hat yesterday. I thin
she must have made mistake" ''Nt
no." he replied, "my wife didn't make n
' mistake. She don't fling often, but Il
| me tell you when she filings she fiings.''
The larger boy had uniform cap o
his head. and the smaller one carried a
. empty kerosene torch. As they wei
about to separate to 'sparade'' aroun
, the block, the larger one said: s'Nov
Pat, you go down that way. If yo
meet smaller boy than you are hurra
for any candidate you want to, but if
! is the biggest don't you do any hurral
. inc until you find out who he hurral
for. Then you must yell for the san
man or he'll lick yc."