The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1884-09-05
VARIETIES.

Woman is SO built that she but seldom
can throw straight. Providence, it is truly
said, orders everything for the best, and after
a husband has seen one tin cup sail harmless
iy by his head he can run before she can
snatch up another.
Just think | once came across a
negro that was actually so black that he
could not be seen without a light" Him
saw fellow one time who was so thin
that he always had TO enter a room twice
before he could be noticed"
Aaron Jones, ofLynchburg, has posted
notice of dissolution on his shop. door as fol-
lows: THE partnership heretofore resisting
between me and Nose is this day dissolved.
All parties indebted to the concern will set
tie with me, and all parties the concern is in
debted to will settle with Nose"
A lady was reproducing William War
rem, the comedian, at recent reception, for
going into society so little. you ought to
let us ionize you little," she said. 81
never heard of but one man." replied the vet
eran, "who was not spoiled by being lioniz-
cd" And who was he2" "Daniel"
"A coal dealer asked some law students
what legal authority was the favorite of his
trade One answered: "Coke" Fright"
said the coal dealer. Another suggested -
Blackstone" "Good, too" said the ques-
toner. Then little man piped out Lit.
Teton" Whereupon the coal dealer sat
down.
-Jinks-"Why, Finks, old boy, how are
you My gracious, how you have changed"
Finks-"In what way?" Jnks-"You seem
be quite dude" Finks-"Oh, that's it, is
it. Well, I'm married" Jinks-"Not
dude any more, them" Finks-"No; I'm
subdude."
The story is told of Walter Davidge, that
in Washington court room he had hardly
been able to restrain himself through two
hours of tedious speech by an opposing
lawyer. AT last lawyer said Your
Honor, | have an idea. ""Your Honor" broke
in Davidge, give him writ of habeas cor
bus to take it out of solitary confinement"
Rev DR.. Newman had just concluded
long discourse, the benediction had been pro-
nounced and the congregation were dispers-
ing. Said great admirer of the preacher:
"a fine sermon, and well timed, too" YES"
replied the clergyman; "it was certainly well
timed. About half the congregation had
their watches out most of the time was talk
ing"
"St down, old fellow" he said, "Il be
with you in a moment | am Just finishing
a letter to my wife," allow often do you
write TO your wife while she is in the coun-
try?' every day" Isn't that rather
often ?" mot too often, you see. If she
doesn't hear from me regularly, she might
think something was wrong and come home
to find out what it was"
MIR. Greatheart went with his wife the
other day to see the Earle collection of
paintings, and in their meanderings through
the galleries Mrs G. asked her lord and mas
ter about certain picture.
"Oh, that is a water cooler" he said.
"Then it is not like your nose, dear, is it ?"
she replied.
Mrs. Greatheart will not get new dress
this month
"A conductor on one of the Eastern rail-
roads cried out, as the train was about to
pass through a tunnel "This is one mile
long, and it takes four minutes TO pass
through it," The train dashed through into
daylight again in four seconds, and such
scene! Five young ladies were closely press
ed by five pairs of masculine arms, twelve
pairs of lips were glued together, and ten in
verified whisky TASKS flashed in the air.
They sat side by side on the car, talking
politics, and presently the man in the white
plug hat inquired, Colonel, whom do you
consider the greatest living orator." The
colonel coughed, stroked his chin whiskers,
and made no reply. At the end of the block
he got off without word, and passenger
on the other side leaned forward and said to
the white hat man, "That's very pretty
blunder you made "Why he's the very man
himselfp' us that so ?" gaspcd the other, and
he ran to the platform to watch him out of
sight.