The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-10-30

ure. by that Time We wouldn't hay,
money to get homo with. Say, do 70,
really think you're going to need ihi.
gun boat for anything to which you cal
give definite description"
"Oh, my little cancel" cried Mrs
Spoopendyke. I'm going to hans
that on the chandelier with pretty rib
bOns."
"That'll provide good deal of en-
tertainment!" snorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, launching the canoe into his arm
pit so as to get better grip on the
keel. "But my judgment is that this
self-acting chunk of aboriginal trans.
portation is going to need Bessemer
steel chains to hold it. | can under
stand how savage could sail in the
thing, but what want now is the CON-
bination by which he stopped it when
he got ready to-Hold on! Catch hold
of that junk, if you calculate to save
it! Shove it under my arm, will We?
Now, tip up the other end so | can get
a purchase! | don't know, though, ="
Illuminated Mr.. Spoopendyke, gutteral-
ly, "a man don't want much help to
find a purchase around here" and he
glared about him and then stopped
over to pick up tomahawk and q
pipe.
We've got lots of nice things to re-
mind us ofNiagara, haven't we, dear?"
smiled Mrs. Spoopendyke, encourage
ingly. "But | want to get few little
trinkets for the ladies in the church.
Only little ones, you know"
Eyes, know" grinned Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. They'll have to be little, for
I've only got my ears left to stow in.
Go on and buy them Don't hesitate
on my account! Those dod gasted wo-
men expect it, and they're going to
have it! All l want now is war trail
and consignment of belated govern
ment rations to look like a measly res
ervation! Bring on the consignment!
Disinfect the goods and file the invoices
on the back of my neck! If you meet
q man with lumber yard on his shout
der and hammer in his fist, get him
to build q wing and loft on me, and
then 90 ahead with your Niagara falls!
Whoop! There goes more prehistoric
civilization! Can you reach down and
hand me those spears and that left
handed scythe with wart on its spine?
Now just run 'em through my suspen-
ders behind, and tie that war bonnet
around my neckn'
whats that in your mouth, dearp"
inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke, solicit
ously.
"a flint arrow head" growled Mr..
Spoopendyke, vindictively. "And it'll
take dentist to get it out! Then he'll
90 blowing around that he's found an
Aztec battlefield, and they'll fence my
jaw in, and charge admission Let it
alone, will ye! 1paid three dollars for
it, and I'm going to chaw on it while it
lasts Seen enough of thisP Want to
stand around here any longer watching
that thing squirt"
ats so lovely" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, turning again to the
falls. "Oh, my dear! Think of man
going over those fallsm said Mrs.
Spoopendyke shudderingly.
"He wouldn't De any more of meas
ly ass than man who pays a dollar to
go under emf argued Mr.. SpoSten-
dyke, who still retained lively recol-
lection of his experience on the Ameri-
can side. IF come here again, and
if God gives me my health, won't, |
think I'll try to 60 over the falls, pro-
vided there is any chance of my drop
ping on the Esquimaux who poured me
into rubber bathing suit, with hole
under each arm and slit up the back!
Say, my dear; suppose we give this
fatigue uniform with a bad smell to
some worthy charityw
That's my squaw's dress" faltered
Mrs. Spoopendyke, land wouldn't
take anything for il.
81 wish the man | bought it of had
felt that way!' groaned Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. just pull it through the back
strap of my trousers, will We, and tie
those knock-kneed garters around my
waist. Look out for that battle-axe! l
want that myself to open oysters with!
Where's the shoe that belonged to the
game-legged warrior with the pip?
Here's one; where's the other"
Mrs. Spoopendyke found it in his hat,
and then announced her readiness to
take in the rest of the show.
There's man down here that's got
a whirlpool" explained Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, experiencing some difficulties in
getting under way with his trophies.
81 don't know whether he is in the
habit of exhibiting it to band wagons
but if he is and he don't insist on hay
ing me buy it, We'll take look at it.
Come along!'
ais that the suspension bridcep"
asked Mrs. Spoopendykc, as they drove
past 1t.
Eyes; want itp" demanded her hus-
band. Though l don't know why
they should call it suspension, when
everything else around here appears to
be in active financial operation. Let's
figure up how much this drive is going
to cost. Twice six hundred for the
horses is twenty-four hundred, and add
twelve hundred for the wagon makes
three thousand. Multiply that by the
distance, three miles, and you get nine
thousand dollars. Cheap. Here, my
dear, what's become of that scalpp
Where's the scalp of that primeval old
convert gave n dollar forp What's
become of the hair of the archaeological
old pirate that sold photographs around
this corner before the foot of the adj