The Mineral argus., 1884-02-28
Wit and HumOr.

wit and HumOr.
The Nabob of Dude: Curran happened
to tell Sir Thomas Turton that he could
v speak in public for a quarter of
an hour without moistening his lips.
Sir Thomas declared thath he had spoken
for FIVE hours in the House of Commons
on the Nabob of Dude without FEELING
in the least thil sty. THAT is remarkal
BILE, indeed" observed Curran, ''f0r eY-
| erybody agrees that it was the dryest
speech ofthe session."-Old jest.
"Boss, I KANT take dis twenty-five
cent. It's got a hole in it what's been
plugged up" said a negro grocer to a
customer. "But you must take it. 1
got it from you last night. Don't YOU
remember" ooh yes, l members. l
knows dat l gin it ter yer, sand ! gin it
ter yer case | didn't want it. Eff / had
wanted it ! would hab gin you ONE
udder quarter. Git outen de way an
let me cut off a piece oh bacon. Musn'
| stand roun' de sto' when customers is
solrampantter buy suthin'
Traveller.
She followed Fred; 81 have got
two invitations for tomorrow" said
Clara. "Charlev wants me to 60 with
him and Fred has also sent me an invi-
tation. I hate Fred and the place he is
going to l ~don'tsike one bit" Then
will you go with Charlie?" suggested her
friend. mo; l shall 90 with Fred. The
tickets to his excursion are q dollar a
! piece, while the tickets to Charles are
only seventy five cents.-Boston Trans
cript
eyes, loved that girl once,'' said
Charley Peddington, as the young lady
passed him on the sidewalk. Ibid she
not return your love?" asked his COM
panion. "No, nor the 800 ring I gave
her neither. "-Marathon Independent.
When a woman smiles from ear to ear
it's real mean to say that her mouth goes
back on her.-Chlcago Telegram.
DIR. Crosby says ''those who are en-
Gagged in amassing colossal fortunes be-
! long to the dangerous classes" We do
, not care to be referred to in that point
ed way, and the doctor had better stop
it.-Texas Siftings.
There are $1,000 words in the English
language, and DR.. Mary Walker used ev-
cry one but three of them when the In
terror Department handed her resigua-
ton in to her.-Burlington Hawkeye.
doctor" said a man to his physician,
who had Just presented a bill Of $50 for
treatment during a recent illness. 81
have not much ready money. viii You
not take this out in trader" ooh. yes.'
cheerfully answered the doctor; Il
think we can arrange that-but what IS
/ your business?' Il am a cornet player
was the startling reply.-Harper's Ba-
Ear.
A young man in Wilkesbarre became
insane on the day he was married and
was committed to Jail. An old bachelor
gays 1t is not a remarkable occurrence,
because every young man, in his opinion,
must be a mental wreck when he pops
the question.-Norristown Herald.
Concerning the faith cure: "Have you
ever tried the faith cure?" asked a long
haired, sallow-faced stranger, addressing
a gentleman who sat behind him in a
Brooklyn street car. 81 have" was the
the answer. DO you believe in it?"
Il do" MAY l ask, then, of what YOU
were cured?" Certainly, l was cured of
my faith."-Brooklyn Eagle.
Not her style: "Well perhaps she is
handsome" exclaimed Mrs. Planephace,
~retrousseing her nose contemptuo usly;
perhaps she is handsome, but l can't
- ~ 0AC Aoh v my cbylb u BCauLTs
Very true" replied Mrs. Phrank.
You'll find your style only in the look
ing-glass."-Boston Transcript.
Red is the natural color of a u
baby, but afterward it becomes yeller.-
New York Journal.
The reason why the lightning does
not strike twice in the same place is be-
1ause nothing of the place is left to
strike after the first round.-[New Or
leans Picayune.
The discovery has been reserved for
a Kansas City reporter that lawyers and
judges take bigger drinks than ANYBODY
else. The reporter should not have
been so Observation-Disclosures Press.
why do you put those horrid wood
en- things on the necks of those cows?''
asked the young lady boarder ofFarmer
Furrow, as he was driving a woke OF
oxen down the lane. Chats to make
EN- keep still while Pm milkin' 'em,"
said the old man, as he winked at his
wife; Oh, yesF' exclaimed the city
MAIDEN; Il ought to have known
that" Then she ran up stairs to enter
the information in her dairv.-TThe
Dairy.