Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1884-04-24
a'iraiuia frrr gress.
WIF .4ND RUHOR.

school telcher.
A Chicago paper says that the President
As q politician, has good hard, barnSasd
sense.
The woman who can put a neat patch on
a pair of trousers is a divinity that shapes
and mends.
Vesuyius threatens another alarming e.
rupasn." II is high time fer Nesuvics so
be vaceinAted.
A Southern Dakota editor sdvertises he
Bible for sale. He has probably gone over
to the other party.
From the way in which the bruisers stick
20 their business, it is evident that this is
the muscle-age.
A waiter at q Kingston hotel has "fallen
heir" to $4,000. It is supposed that he
"tumbled to it, as it were.
Rev. DR.. Talmage says it has taken a
million years to evolute" him from an ape
How very discouragiugl
A lawyer hns the following legend tackled
On his door: Those who call on business
will please make it brief"
Loves sweetest thoughts are all uu-
spoken" says some one. True for you.
Lovers do use the sighin' language.
you are a great cOquette," said a young
man to a Madison avenue young lady. Il
plead jilty, was her response.
The aisle Of a church is not the proper
placs for a sexton with squeaky boots. He
should try some other kind of "ile"
q am going TO turn over new Leaf, as
the caterpillar remarked when he had sue
cessfully ruined the one hewa on.
John, what is that scar on your chimp
THAT scar? Oh, that is a relic of barber
ism"
Spring lamb is among the delieacies Of
the season. but it is no. as springy as it will
be later
Il lis no evidence because a man lacks will
power that he hasn't any power 20 make
will
A convention of BARRIERS was broken up
because one man said he had a razorlution
he desired TO offer.
A beautiful young Vassar girl has just
written a novel, entitled THE Last Bang
or, The Fate Of the Spitcurl Indians
"Tbis is a new figure for the German"
said Hans, when he was fined $50 for sell
ing beer withou: license.
Kiss Ne as l Fall Asleep, is the title
ola new song 1t might work all right
with some men, but it would wake US right
Up.
"Wil some one please tell me something
to cure red hands ." asks correspondent
Certainly. Let your mother wash the
dishes
Hand painted bonnets are among the
spring novelties, and We observe that hand
painted fences still retain their old-time
popularity.
A decline in the price Of copper is noted
but the small boy should not repine thereat.
His mothers copper kettle will sell for the
price Of circus ticket
"I wonder what has .SkeU away my APP
petite for breakfast" said festive Fifth
avenue man. 81 expect it was your happy
tight last night, dear" replied his wife.
The mill owner who turned the fire hose
upon some Of his dis0rderly employees ex-
planned his conduct by saying he was only
washing his hands.
What is the difference between the pass
ing of a full-dressed lady and an cnfran-
chised grub? One is futter-by and the
other is butterfly.
Sou ebOdy has said one ought never eat
oranges in company. but there is an art in
the matter Of eating the fruit not at all diff
fcult TO master.
Leaving the street car : Jovial old gent
"Hullo Snesrly how are you getting on"
Snearly who suffers terribly from dysPeP-
sial-"I am getting off,
A Boston commercial traveller. mentioned
BY the Globe, was pa,slyEed when young
lady asked him when are you going
Feddling again ?'
Isn't it kind Of curious that no woman
goes to the telephone TO answer ring with
out wondering if her hair is all right and her
train in the proper shape?
"Does your baby kick when you try to
put it to sleep? asked one young married
man Of another NO" was the -eply
"but do when am asked to feed it,
A health journal says that you ought to
take three quarters Of an hour for your din
ner It would be well also to add few
vegetables and piece Of meat
Boston, the home Of John Sullivan, has
the largest coffin mandatory on earth. 1t
may, therefore. be appropriately styled the
boxing centre of the world.
A st. Louis merchant says he wants his
neighbors custom, not their money. We
suppose he is one ofthose dealers who don't
advertise and he feels lonely.
q" Love for the dead should not cramp our
duty to the living, remarked the enthusiast