The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1884-10-04
HUMOROUS ITEMS

| bulldogs upon a wildcat, chained &
prevent It's escape, few days ago, bu
the cat was too much for them anC
killed all three of her assailants.
"WHAr are You going to do when yor
are man - asked a gentleman Of four
year-old fodder. After moment O.
deep Thought: "Well, | guess | Will be
the father of some other little boy"
SWEET GIRLS it wicked to sins
that song on Sundays?" Brother Jacl
Yes, 1t is wicked to sing ! any day.
Why Because it makes people
swear y The Keynote.
A DISPATCH from Texas describing &
stage robber says he was Small in stat
ure, had defect in left eye, dark com,
plexion, with a sinister expression
weighing about l05 pounds"
AN agricultural subscriber asks
What would you do for cut worms? p
1t all depends on circumstances. Il
they We're very badly cut we should
certainly call a physician.
WHEN an officer is dismissed from the
army he is said to be cashiered When
| a cashier is dismissed from bank, he
is generally differed. Same thing, only
different.
a 6-YEAR-oLD fodder recently con.
vuIsed the passengers of New York
street-car by throwing down her dol
and declaring that she wanted a real
meat" doll like her mother had in hen
arms.
ARE strangers allowed to Join in the
servlces?' asked seedy-looking grang.
er OF the usher of an uptown church
Certainly, sir, all are made welcome
And he seated him in back pew be.
bind pillar New York Sun.
THERE, nowp exclaimed Mrs. Pop
Inlay, as tray of dishes went crashing
to the floor, while the waiter was irvine
to put Poplnlay quarter into his pocket
That is what comes of tipping the
waiter. > Burlington Free Press.
Mr.. SMITH Ito Mrs Parvenu, who has
been telling him about her new housed
Il suppose you will have dumb walters
in the house?" Mrs. Pho / shan't
[ had deaf cook once, and / vowed
then never to have another crippled
servant" > Life.
PLEASE help the blind pleaded &
beggar, who had little dog with him
attached TO a string. You are not
blind; you can see as well as / can" q
know I'm not, but the dog is. It would
be tough luck, indeed, if both of us were
blind. > New York Sun.
VERY big boy Please, Miss Blank
/ don't think father would like to have
me kept in after school" Pretty
young Why not, if he knows
it is for breaking the rules?" Big boy
-"This is leap year, you know" She
let him off Philadelphia Call.
"AIN'T you almost boiled ?" inquired q
child Of a gentleman calling on her father
and mother. mo, little one, | can't say
that | am. On the contrary, feel quite
comfortable" THAT'S funny. Ishould
think you would be-" "Why so, Daisy q
ooh, because / heard mamma say youl
wife kept you in hot water all the time T
Il Merchant Traveller.
A BRIDGEPORT woman who cut hel
dress from a New York Herald war map
thinking it was Rarper's Bazaar pat
tern, discovered her error before she
finished the robe, but she went ahead
and sewed the pieces together, and Low
has a crazy quilt of 1000 pieces which
Is the envy of all her female friends
Norriston Herald.
A SHORT time ago Jones and Robin
son were dining out together, Jones
being one of the most absent-minded
individuals in existence. Quoth Robin.
son to Jones: 81 say, old fellow, what
do You think? A man asked me the
other day whether your name was
SMITH" Really" answered the alb
sent minded one; "and was it 2
i Whitehall Review.
HARPER's BAZAAR: Philander Green
up is visiting the city, and, seeing three
Cinnamon in native costume, exclaims
"Helloi Some of them wimmen's rights
females, | reckon. S'pose mex they'll
be cuttin' off their har like men. lingo
| do wish Miranda could see UNI. She
wouldn't be so for'ard in her ways,
guess"
SHE CATER they had been married
two years)-"I guess, Charlie darling
that I'll. try and get place as table
| girl in that restaurant down town where
you get your meals" "Why, what il
the world possessed You to think o
such a thing?" Because, Charlie, if
was down there with all those pretty
girls | know you'd find time to run il
and see me two or three times day
Charlie took the hint Boston Globe
WHAT is the breed of your calf 2
said would-be buyer to farmer
We'll" said the farmer, "all I know
about it is that his father gored justice
of the peace to death, tossed a bool
agent into the fence corner, and stood
| lightning rod agent on his head: anC
his mother chased female lecturer two
miles, and if that amt breed enough tC
ask "a on you needn't take him p New
York Tribune.
They were discussing the two expires
sions, BEG pardon" and Excuse me-
Dumley contended that a wide differ
ence in meaning existed. For instance,
he said to the landlady, con leaving tn,
dinner-tabe | make use of the expires
sion, Excuse me- 1t would be absurd
to say i beg pardon. The landlady
| said she didn't think il would be s,
very absurd, and the rest of the board
ers, who knew Dumley to be the bigges
eater and slowest pay in the house
laughed enjoyably.- New York Sun.
A GENTLEMAN in Richmond had a ser
want named Joe. One morning he la
in bed till nine o'clock, but no Joe ant
no fire. The impossibilitv of Shawn.
with water thirty degrees below freez
iDg-point, brought imprecations on tin
tardy domestic's head, when the doc
opened, and Aunt Polly leisurely began
to light the fire. Where in thunder
(the historian is nothing if he is not &C
curate) lis that son of yours? I've beer
waiting for him two blessed hours.
Now, Marse Tray, You must cuse Joe,
said his mother in her most couciliatin,
tones-"you really must 'cuse Joe di
mornin'-Joe dead. = Harper's Maya
zine.