Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-05-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

She pressed her hand on her hair,
/ Auu ner cheeks as red as a rose.
| anu Grew 1T over her forehead fair,
! Auu toyed with her Grecian nose.
/ ana no smile on sunny wing.
| lis night Ger her features took,
| oI II on her dazzling engagement ring
! her sisters wouldn't look.
In New Orleans the sand-bag is used
10 stop gaps in the levee; in Chicago to
make gaps in society.
The proper question to ask young
woman who is about 10 elope is.
DOCS your mother know your route?"
A young man with pair OF hand
painted suspenders generally finds a
room too warm to work in with his
coat on.
New Mexico is elated over the dis
coYery of mountain of alum in the
| western part Of the territory. The peo-
pie should prepare to pucker.
Grace: 81 am going to see Clara to-
day. Have you any message?" Dora:
81 wonder how you can visit that
dreadful girl! Give her my love-"
In Armenia girls are married when
II years old. In this country at that
age they are too busy buying candy
and making faces at the boys TO think
OF matrimony.
One young man said to another: 1T
IS long way from this world to the
next. ooh, never mind, my dear fell
low, said the other; you'll have iG all
down hill"
Another Waterloo veteran is dead.
we are not sure how many Waterloo
veterans still live, but if Napoleon had
half of them in his army he would have
won the fight.
An article containing q dozen hints
on how to take care of horse is going
the rounds Of the press. but there is
not one mint as to how to get the horse
-N0rTiStooO12 Herald.
The human is supposed to be far
more intelligent than the brute crea-
ton, and yet ordinarily the street-car
horse answers the bell much quicker
than the servant-girl will.
''Shall take your love to YOUR dear
mother?" said lady visitor who was
going to see the mother in question TO
little child of. 3 years She has my
love, was the quaint reply.
''Is this singing DOLE" asked she
of the Clerk. Yes, MademoiselIe. j."
''How do YOU make it sing?" just rs
you would any other young lady"
How is that?" BY pressing it." "On'
The Sweet Singer of Michigan" has
made Oscar Wilde" rhyme with ''fos-
ter child" This is little more credit
able than her attempt to rhyme "con-
sanguinity'' with claws a'massy," but
not much.
is your mother in?" asked visitor
of a little Mormon boy, who opened
the door. No, ma am" the little boy
replied, with tears in his eyes Che had
just been spanked, "but my brothers
mother is in"
Mr. George W. Childs, the owner
and editor of the Philadelphia Ledger.
has his office, like most other editors,
away back, up stairs, where he is not
easily found. But it is q curiosity shop,
| filled with bric-a- brac.
| a woman has finally been admitted
to practice law in Connecticut, and the
country can lean back and take u rest
| for few weeks. We didn't know there
was any law in that state, 2ut maybe
she can find some someWhere.-D
Free Press.
DO you suppose eating angel cake
will make an angel of me?" asked n
seraphic young lady of the worldly
young man. '1've no bought it will, .
he answered. IF you will only eat
enough of it: = Then she giggled, and
said, "Why?"
NO" said fond mother, speaking
proudly of her 25-year-old daughter;
''no, Mary isn't old enough to marry
yet. She cries whenever any one scolds
her, and until she becomes hardened
enough TO talk back vigorously she
isn't tit for wife. "
had better look out, old fellow! It is
dangerous to tribe with edged tools!
I very much fear you will be the victim
instead of the victor in the mad game
you are playing!'
Never fear for me!' Tim replied,
as he kissed his hand and passed on.
Tim Oliver became Miss Cameron's
shadow, and, truth to tell, he began to
take more interest in the lady than he
cared to own, even to himself. Lu-
ellie always welcomed him with her
brightest smiles, and seemed to live
but in his presence.
Under the trees in the moonlit park
one evening they had sat down to rest
after long ramble. Lucille was pen
sively plucking the leaves from flow
eer, while Tim was toying with her
ivorv fam
''Of what are you thinking, my fair
friend?" he asked, as his eyes rested
upon her beautiful countenance.
''Of my parting from you, dear Mr..
Oliver grieve to think that fearful
time will be here tomorrow
WIN you regret me?"
Regret you! Rather ask me how [
shall endure existence without your
linn took her hand, pressed it to his
lips, and for moment retained it in a
lingering grasp; then he cast it from
him rs he exclaimed:
''Why. what q scene we are having
here! What pity such good acting
should be lost! Can we not manage to
have public performance"