, 1884-11-12

VI OuStICc INT OluGI Od1 DCIIS CAudu0GCuS
asked for a glass of water, whereupon the
judge turned to the CrosS.eXamining cOun-
sci, and said blandly, Don't you think
you had better let this witness go, seeing
that you have pumped him dry 7"
A country lad, sent to the squirrels with
a message, sat down to regale himself on
IL round of beef which the cook imprudent-
ly put before him. After he had proceed
ed to help himself many times over with
great deIiberatenesS, the cook said sarcas-
%tically, "WeIl, my little man, are you
going to finish it I" /" Well maam, | think
l could-leesurely y answered the boy, in
all seriousness.
"Have YOU read my last speech :" said
prosy orator the other day to q friend.
81 hope so p was the reply.
A little boy had gathered a flower in the
Botanical Gardens in defiance of the
rules OF the Society. His mother, a state
~ and somewhat pompOus dame, approach
ed one of the keepers, leading the culprit
with one hand and holding forth the flower
i'll the other, and, in solemn tones, said,
"This is the delinquent" Ono, beg your
pardon, ma'am," replied the civil official,
that there's a pOlyanthuS."
A Police Regulation.-In Germany the
police regulations are very strict, and any
violation of them is promptly punished.
The people have a great dread of the law.
Two gentlemen happened to meet in Berlin,
and the following conversation took place.
"Have you heard the dreadful news about
Miller ?" ";NO; what is it? "He was i'll
a boat on the river. He fell overheard
and was drowned. The water was too
deep" "Didn't he know how to swim ~
''Swim! Don't you know all persons are
forbidden by the police to swim i'll the
riverW
"Kick AVA Moo as Lang as Ye Like
Before the Police Act in Airdrie, a worthy
named Geordie G. had the surveillance of
the town. One night a drunken, obstrepe-
rOuS IriShman was lodged in the cells and,
this being rather against his inclination, he
made a tremendous noise by kicking the
cell-doOr with his heavy boots. GeOrdle
was equal to the occasion, for he went to
the cell, and, opening the door a little,
said, 'Man, We MIGHT put aft yer butts, an
III gle them a bit rub, so that yell be
respectable like when We gang before the
bailie in the morning" The prisoner at
once complied with the request, and saw
his mistake only when Geordie shut the
door upon him saying, "Ye can kick AVA
moo as lang as We likeV
Anything She Might Name.-It is hard
IL credible that the United States Supreme
Court Justice, Stanley Matthews, at the
bidding of d prima donna, once turned d
somerSault in a parlour in the presence of
ladies and a select company of gentlemen;
but still it goes down in history that the
feat was performed. Some twenty-five
years ago it so happened that there were at
the same time %aSsembledin ahOtel at Column
bus, Ohio, Justice Stanley Matthews and
other distinguished visitors. That winter,
Ole Bull, the renowned viOlinist, made u
tour through the West, accompanied by
Adelina Patti, who was a young girl of
fifteen, and just then making her reputa-
ton as a sOngstress. One evening, after
the entertainment at the Opera House was
over, the whole party assembled in the
parlour of the hotel, and of course Patti
was asked to sing. This she consented to
do, on condition that each one present
would follow in a song or a story. All
agreed to the proposition, and, as it was a
brilliant party, wit and merriment ran high.
The young people were extremely loath to
diSperse, as the fun had not yet been
exhausted and, that the sport might go
on, one of the ladies kindly invited the
party into her own private parlour.
Scarcely had the "good time" been resum-
ed, when PATHS mother came with the
unwelcOme announcement, st is time for
Adelina to go to bed" The dutiful
daughter was about to obey, when Stanley
Matthews beSought her to sing again,
before she retired, his favourite Home,
Sweet Home," accompanying his request