The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1884-10-01
WIT AND HUMoR.


ean'f walk, my foot Is so dizzY.a
John. what Is the best thing to fee
3 parrot onp" asked an elderly lady o
her bachelor brother. who hated par
rots-. Arsenic. 2 grufiy answered
John.
When young girl begins to take Al
| interest In the arrangement of youn.
mans necktie it is an infallible sign o
something more serious than .sisterl,
regard.
There are many and various ways o
becoming q man of mark; but TIL
| easiest and most effectual way is t,
lean up against some newly painteS
ratings.
One of the sufferers by late railway
accident Was rushing wildly about
when some one asked him if he wa
hurt NO." he said, ''but can't fnC
my umbrella. -
Young lady Gin the drawing-room) =
Just listen. / can hear the gentlemen
laughing. believe they tell their goot
stories directly we're out of the dining
room" Experienced and rather Sc
we're matron-"Goo stories, dear! No,
good is not the word.
'.Do look at that young coupler
whispered Mr. Bass. i'Anybody woulc
know they were just married. How
silly he acts, and right before folks
toor' Don't be too hard on the poo
fellow" replied Mrs. Bass; she prob
ably hasn't anybody else to make love
| to lust at present.
'.Do people know each other IL
heaven. papa" asked little Dick j,
''Yes, my son. Why do you ask?''
s.My teacher told me about an old
French woman who died. She was
I23 years old, and her husband had
been dead 100 years. I'd think he'd
forgot how she looked in that time, -
Graphic.
'Pn bet a dollar that fellow wants
to run as candidate for the Legisla-
ture," said an old gentleman who has
an Office on Church street, as he looked
after breezy young man who had just
left him. ''Pve met him every day for
the past five years and his only saluta-
ton was nod, but recently he has
been shaking hands with me and Civ
ing me some information about the
weather"
Mrs. Judge Carpenter made arrange
ments to hire colored lady to do the
cooking, or at least she thought she
had made arrangements, but she was
mistaken. 81 do my own marketing,
and shall expect you to accompany
me-" said Mrs. Carpenter. ''Den we
can't agree. / nebber allows myself
ter be seen on de streets in company
wild anybody who carries a basket. -
Texas SytimgS.
"Does Dr.--live here?" Eyes, /"
was the reply, what do you want3"
81 have an encyclopedia for him in my
wagon, ''said the young man, ''and
would like to leave it. T" '1s it big
one?' asked the lady. YES" was
the reply. "Well," she murmured, 81
don't know what the Doctor bought
the thing for. ! am sure he will never
learn how to ride it. And big one.
too. Well, well some men are fools.
Cleveland Leader.
Herbert Spencer says that ''if the
latent consciousness exists in the What
Is, then the contradiction of the Not is
relatively the same as the non-existant
Whichness. !" Perhaps, after all, it was
not Herbert Spencer who said it. Come
to read the paragraph over slowly, it
appears considerably more lucid than
the utterances of Mr.. Spencer. The
author of the sentence might be 10
Cook. Or perhaps we dreamed it.
Anyhow 1t seems plausible enough
RinfTbn911fnJ1 Re917lhLicnn
A young New York woman fell from
a steamers gang-plank at Dooney Is
land. Sunday. into the water. A boat
hand plunged in and rescued her after
sharp struggle. "You have had q
pretty close shave, Miss" said the
deck-hand, as the dripping couple
clambered up on the pier. ''Yes, but
where is my fanP' said the young
woman, with animation. 81 don't
know. Did you have FAM" said the
deck-hand, carelessly. Eyes, l did,
and paid $1.75 for it, and / believe
that you Knocked it out of my hand
when you grabbed me in the water. I
don't see why men are always so
clumsy
81 always thought Jane would do
well, said Mrs. Lookahcad, as she
laid the letter she had been reading on
her lap, and wiped her spectacles with
the corner of her apron. ''She said
she would never marry poor man,
and she kept her word" Indeed
said Mrs. Nearneighbor, ''she has made
3 good match, then?" ''She has that
Her last words to me when she left
home to visit her aunt in Chicago were:
Mother, the man marry must have
wealth. or be in a position to accumu-
late it rapidly well remember the
words. y ''She has married q wealthy
nan, then?n Hes not exactly wealthy
ret. but he's making fortune rapidly
'sWhat is hep baker or broker, or
VhatP" He is the porter of q Pull
nan car. - Somerville Journal.
Yesterday several gentlemen met in
! wine-room uptown, among them be-
ng one who had lived here years ago,
out is now nonresident. While they
we're conversing a well-known Judge
# one of the courts stepped in, and a
riend introduced him to the returned
The latter remarked
hat the Introduction was entirely |
as he and the Judge
7ere old acquaintance. One sug-
,ested, Perhaps you have been
lefore the Judge some time in the |
'ast. = s'0h. no, ]" was the reply, ''but
be Judge has been before me many q
ime. ..HoW's that?" was the i'm
lediate query. well, you see, I
sed to be barkeeper in the Crescent
lity.n The Judge paid for bottle of
Tine and the conversation changed.
sacramento real. Union
We think it is Dean Ramsey who tells
story of Scotch Episcopal congre-
alton who, like many of their country
len, were attended in church by their 1
leep dogs These sagacious animals
armed to know that the rising of the
aggregation at the concluding sem
nee of the sermon was token of the
,eedT conclusion Of the service, and
this moment were wont to indulge :
indecorous barks of delight to the
andal Of their worthy owners On
lie occasion o stranger was to preach.
ID the congregation laid their plans
lcordingly. The preacher concluded
> address with the usual words, but :
i . soul IN the congregation rose to II
) feet Noting the minister's look Of
rprise, an old shepherd remarked IN i
stage whisper. Say ava, sir, we're
lly sitting sfill to cheat the dogs.
,1ld0fi GI06e.
Te AL wearers Of false teeth the news
the recent fashion set by . Chicago
ciesy lady win be extremely welcome.
lis lady has an entire set Of false up
{ teeth, and she neither conceals tie
It nor pretends that they are prefer
le to real teeth. She is also near
,hteds and wears suspended to q lli
Ok on the northwest summit Of her
Hss . pair Of neat eyeglasses. which
. puts on whenever she wishes to
X &c anything. Some time ago il
surred q her that Il would be part /
common sense to use her teeth only
Ien Ehe desired to talk OF eat Ae-
s1inglys she now carries them sas-
nded b !. cord around her neck.
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