Connecticut western news., 1884-06-18
WIT AND WISDOM.


 A BOOK represents the best workings of the authors soul.
 EVERY line of study must meet and cross some other lines.
 NONE of tho mental faculties have been developed save by curiosity.
 NEVER fall in love. It is better to put on rubbers and step into it very gently
 TIE demand for works of fiction under different forms continues at all periods of mans life.
 A FARMER is contented with his loi when he has the grass cut on it, for then he needs no mower.
 TIE novelist is really a historian of tho motives and actions or men and of the manners of the age.
 A VIOLIN formerly owned by George Washington IS valued at S1, 300. There was nothing cheap about George.
 STANDARD authors form one of the greatest blessings that have been bo- slowed upon poor perplcxed readers.
 FICTION has been invented and cul- tivated to supply the wants of man, and is a necessary, just like tea and coffee.
 ONIONS ARE the most profitable mar ket product, because no other vegetable will return 800 scents for penny of out lay.
 PLEASE send me apretty namo for a girl baby" writes an enthusiastic young mother. Call her "Pie" She will then be good enough to eat.
 "WHAr is a lake ?" asked the teacher A bright little Irish boy raised his hand. "Wel, Mickey; what is it?" "Sure it's hole in the kettle, mum"
 No, THE plumber is not man who picks plums, in the ordinary sense, but somehow he manages to gather n good many during the winter season.
 A CINCINNATI girl was arrested for set. ting fire to house. Although this is leap year the girl who takes this method of catching a flame is carrying things too far.
 "How DO YOU preserve your peaches So nicely ?" asked lady visitor. "By putting them on the top shelf where Tommy can't reach them," said Mrs, Bushman.
 A WRITER spoaks of a couple being 'too good friends to ever marry" HC probably thinks from his experienc' with married people that only enemies get married.
 IN accordance with by-iaw the alder men of Milwaukee are obliged to wear [ little gold star as badge of office. h New York diamonds and rod nose ars considered sufficient iewelry.
 AN experienced tramp objects to th, custom so prevalent among his clients o advising him to go to work when ho aski for victuals. "Shnngo," he says, "thaI they will persist in talking shop"
 IN one species of spider the female is 300 times larger than the male. Tho husband in those families doesn't dare to tell his wife that he is ''iust going down to tho club for few minutes"
 Our of the four million eggs a ood6sf has been known to spawn in year onl, about one hundred survive. This mus be very diseouraging to the codhsh. | reminds one of legislative promises nnt performances.-TeBas Siftings.
 "WHAT is a wink ?' asked a teacher "It is the thing you season your sodf water with" replied the new boy, whC was as smart as he was annoying. But the teacher marked him away down and pretended not to understand him.
 No ONE can beat n professional dcad head. A Colorado legislator forgot hi' railroad pass. The conductor asked hin for pay. The legislator was so surprised that he fell dead. He beat tho conduc tor and went through deadhead but tho effort cost him his life.
 WHEN you see man now, during business hours, standingona a corner md gesticulating aud talking about "the financial situation of the country" yoI can bes that if you got him by the heel and shook him awhile, you couldn' shake forty cents out of his pockets.
 Ar this season of the year tho thrifty farmer worketh his smokehouse into ! cottage for summer boarders, and adver tises it as "a villa in tho midst of th' most romantic scenery on the face of th globe" aud smiles to see how the cit. folks take him at his word and price.
 A CONFECTIONERY writes Will yo please inform me when straw hats cal be worn without exciting comment Certainly. Straw hats can be worn witl out exciting comment when they ar worn on the head. But when they ar worn cayorting along the street in agal of wind you must expect Q remark C , two.-Philadelphia Cah. , A MAN in a train wns heard to groai so frightfully that the passengers too . pity on him and one of them gave him drink out of whisky flask. "Do 70 feel better ?" asked tho giycr. CT do, . said he who had groaned. "What ailo you ?" "Ailed me2" "Yes; what mad !. you groan SOP" "Groan Great Ian , of freedom, was singing" ' FRsr DEAR Gmb-"0nly to thinl n we came pretty near not going to Euror a this year p' Second Dear Girl-"Ho n horrid What was the mntterP" Fir Dear Girl-"Why, mamma heard thI the companies were putting down q l. charges for passage so low that she VI l. afraid it would get common to eros n But then she found out that the ne O rates were only for the steerage, so, t course, it is all right and we'll go |, usual. But, really, I was quite scared