The Osceola times., 1884-02-16

others lie AZ rlpe old age. Methuseiah
died at what might be called a rotten
old age
The direct cause of his death has nev-
er been definitely determined. a very
widespread opinion obtains, however,
that his melancholy and untimely taxi
ing off came about through the excessive
use of tobacco.
II has been suggested that possibly old
age had more or less To do with his sud
den demise, but it would seem that
man who had lived nearly thousand
years would be possessed of system
that would enable him to fight off such
an insidious disease.
Methuselah was a gentlemon of large
wealth, and the tenacity with which he
clune to life excited much righteous in
dignation among his heirs.
Enoch was the name of his father, but
his mothers name is clouded in obscur-
ity, although it is safe to assume that the
lady CAME of very old family.
Methuselah was the grandfather Of
Noah, who enjoys something of repu-
tation as a sailor and collector of ami
mails. lie is also accredited with having
known enough to 60 in when it rained.
Noah was called father by three very
prominent sons, viz; Shem, Ham and
Japheth. 1t is to be hoped that this
succnct statement will forever settle the
ycxed question, Now yho was Japheth's
father? ?'
But we are drifting away from the
snbject Of this biography.
All that has been handed down touch
ing Methuselah's younger days is that
he was inordinately fond of English
opera, anG was at one time engaged to a
prima donna, at that remote period very
popular. The marriage was never con-
summatel, however, on account of the
violent opposition of his family, and in
time the young fellow came to view the
matter in its proper light, and got out of
it by paying $4,000.
MeJhusclah, in the course of his long
life, engaged in various pursuits. At the
beginning of his eventful career he
adopted for his motto; Honesty is the
best policy He then obtained a situa-
ton as street car conductor, and in few
years the company gave him a half
t,,t IN, hAt ,E
economy.
point of his fortunes.
Two or three hundred years later we
find him editor and proprietor Of the
Great Gehosaphat Tribune, a comic
weekly. Judging from a copy in our pos
session, it bears every indication of hay
ing come t. stay.
At that time much attention was paid
by journalists to paragraphing. We clip
a few of the brightest ones from the col
umns of our copy of the Tribune:
Turn the rascals out.
Over the garden wall-Adam.
The Republican party must go.
Have YOU ever heard a gum drop?
When's a man not man? When he's
| a woman.
What was Eve made for? Adams Ex-
press Company.
Some years later the name of the pa
per was changed, and is now known as
the London Punch.
After leaving journalism Methuselah
retired to private life and began growing
old, a venture in which he achieved siL,
nal success and established lasting
reputation.
In common with most old gentlemen
Methuselah was fond of telling stories,
but he was very poor listener; he
wanted to do all the talking himself.
This is another trait possessed by many
old men,
On one occasion he related an incident
which he claimed came within his own
personal experience 1t was something
like the following:
| Two Irishmen were seated at hotel
table. One of them helped himself lib
orally from a side dish, and Immediately
after swallowing a teaspoonful of its con
tents the tears began streaming down
his cheeks like rain. Ii was horsera lish
The other lrishman, observing his emo
tion, inquired:
"Phat's the matther, Pat?" and Pat as
soon as he could articulate, replied:
"i'm thinking of me poor father who
was hung
He then pushed the dish across the
table and remarked
Take some ice cream Dennis
Dennis took a re gula' Home Rule"
mouthful of the stuff. and then began TO
shed water like a duck:
"Phat's the matther, Dennis ~ asked
Pat, earnestly, that We are crying so ?"
! I'm thinkin',' gasped Dennis, "phat
a burnin' shame it was that YOU warn't
hung with your father"
This story may sound familiar to some
Of our readers, but in the days of Methu.
Selah it was not so widely known.
Methuselah's favorite song was, IL
would not live alway" He hadn't very
much Of a voice, but, nevertheless, he
| essayed this song so often that in time
his neighbors came to feel sorry for the
old gentleman, and on more than one
occasion several of them expressed an
earnest desire that his reasonable wish
might be speedily fulfilled.
As we have already stated, Methuselah
lied at the age of 900 years He never
; lew cigarette smoke through his nose,
nor did he ever have sore ewes. Conse-
lucntly he was not a dude, or he might
have perished some years sooner.
Only One Arm.