The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1884-12-26
VOL. XXIX----NO. 81.
VARIETIES.

The hay fever sufferer is devout indi-
vidual, because he is continually on his sneeze
Mrs. Shoddy puckered up her mouth
genteely and told gentleman friend that one
of her 10 iely daughters was n "blunct," and
the other bronze"
-Four sisters named Carr were married
at Joliet recently and the clergyman who
performed the ceremonies is now called q
patent Carr coupler.
Horses and mules are excellent musical
performers sometimes One of them has
been known to go through the bars of q
field correctly and without missing an oat.
"A teacher of vocal music asked an old
| lady if her grandson had an ear for music
"Wa'al," said the old woman, II really don't
know, won't you take the candle and see ?"
He am going to take away a bottle of
| salt water as mcmento of this watering
place" She "But don't fill it too full, or it
will slop over on us when the tide comes in"
In Maine you can buy canes which are
hollow and filled with whskey. Jess so In
Maryland we take drink with q stick in it,
and in Maine you take stick with drink in
| it.
Young Hopesby says the worst trait
possessed by his girls father is his proneness
to misconstrue plain, practical questions.
When he asked for his daughters hand, the
father gave him his foot
How is it, Fogg, that you are always
advising everybody TO marry and yet you
| show no hurry about taking wife YOURSELF"
Fogg-"Because, my boy I'm too much of
a gentleman to help myself until everybody
else is supplied"
NOW then" said an old bon Grant to his
gentleman guests, as the ladies retired from
the table, "are you going to drink like men or
beasts ?" Like men, of course" said the
guests, rather Indignantly. ooh, then, sup
pose we shall all get drunk beasts wouldn't"
-"Oh, my dear, generous husband 1" MUIR
murs the fond wife. "How grand you are
| wish | could be you for just one day."
why, dearest ?" asks the unsuspecting man,
Because then would buy new bonnet for
my loving little wife," replies the designing
creature.
DO trains for Boston leave this station ?r
| inquired traveller of man whom he found
iounglng on the platform at country
station. WELL" retorted the rustic, II
have lived hereabou,s nigh onto twenty
years, and haven't seen any of them take it
with them"
The five yearold son of family the
other day stood watching his baby brother,
'"o ""o u Sltub NOISE over having
his face washed. The little fellow at length
reclaimed to the baby: "You think YOU
have lots of trouble, but you don't know
anything about it, Wait till you're big
enough 10 get lickin', and then you'll see
won't he, mammal"
Old Judge Peterby has been laid up for
some time with the govt. His legs were
swelled to an enormous size. "His doctor.
who is also church member rebuked his
Impotence, and told him: "You should be
grateful to the Almighty for his kindness"
What kindness?" "His kindness in giving
you only two legs to suffer with. Suppose
you had as many legs as a centipede ?"
II understand that you have stoned
practicing,"' said the Secretary of State to an
eminent colored physician. YES sab, 'clud.
ed to gin up de trade an go ter preachin'. In
dis country dar amt no money ter be made
in de practicin' o medicine. WV, sab
ct | had er voted my time ez close ter
suthin' else ez has ter dis business, | would
er been putty well off by dis time. ODER
two thirds of my patients neber paid me-
sah." why didn't you sue then ?" "Twuldn't
done no good 'kasc da wuz dead sab. cot
de wus' class O. patients. None o. 'em neber
had no health an constitution ."-irkansa,n
IrUreNer