The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-09-20


John Benton, coming in about noon
from the field, saw at once that some
thing unusual was under way. He
knew that his wife was Just then out at
the barn, so he crept up stairs to ascer-
tain the nature of the operations. There
was a scene of chaos, indeed. 1t would
seem as though this energetic woman
had decided, contrary to her usual wis
dom, to begin at every room in the
house at once.
And it certainly looked as though or
der could not be restored to even one
of these wrecked apartments by sunset
Now John was always a kindhearted
man, and noticing the carpets rolled
up, it occurred to him that here was a
clear case in which he could anticipate
the wishes of his poor tired, tongue-tied
wife. With him to think was to act, so
out went the carpets upon the lawn;
but scarcely had he finished the task
before he heard his wife Juggling and
painting on the stairs, trying to get the
carpets into the house again, and back
into their respective rooms. He had
evidently been mistaken, and he
fastened to make amends by restoring
the carpets to their former places; then,
from fear of doing more harm than
good, he stood aside, and allowed des-
tiny to take its course. The labors of
the day pressed heavily upon Mrs Ben
ton, and toward its close she essaved
the dumb language of pantomime to
obtain from her husband some help in
getting a room ready for occupancy
before bedtime. But either Johns
perception of this language was some
what obtuse, or else Mrs. Benton>s man.
ner of using it. was imperfect, for she
was compelled to abandon it as useless
after going through many fantastic con-
tortions of her body, and many facial
expressions that filled John with aston
ishment She at last wound up with a
look OF disgust so full of meaning that
the poor fellow thought he read in it
plainly enough: Il should think any
fool could understand that" But John
was not the fool to comprehend it, so
pantomime had to be given up.
Many ludicrous biunders were the in
evitable consequence of this abandon
ment of the customary mode of convey
ing thoughts; the double orders given
to the groceryman and the butcher, the
duplicate purchases of all sorts of odds
and ends, led to much confusion and
veXation in the Benton household
One morning John Benton thought
he detected unusual preparations going
on in the culinary department, a grand
overhauling and busting of the best
china set, and sundry other indications
of some unusual event. Mrs Benton
tried in her dumb-show manner to re-
fresh his memory in regard to an ex-
pected visit of which he had been pre-
viously made aware, but which had
slipped from his somewhat defective
memory. But she could not tell
whether or not she had succeeded in
her efforts to enlighten him. About
noon John came in, as usual, to dinner,
to find a room full of city visitors,
friends of Mrs. Benton. Now John, al
though not vain man, would rather
have had some notification of the event,
so that he need not have appeared in
their presence in his working garments;
but as there was now no help for it. he
tried to make the best of the situation
and greeted the visitors in rather an
awkward fashion. The latter, no
doubt, attributed Mrs. Benton's silence
toward her husband to modification at
his personal appearance. But, after
all, this affair passed without the ex-
posure so much dreaded by both par
ties.
John Benton had promised his wife,
previous to the unhappy occurrence that
had placed this gulf of silence between
them, money to purchase a new dress
for herself. One day he laid roll of
bills upon the table and called her at
tention to it. She nodded assent, and
John was satisfied that her memory was
good for anything that related to her
personal adornment But what was
his surprise and disgust when she re-
turned from town and gave him the
grocer's receipted bill!
One morning, upon Johns return
from the city, he astonished his wife
by bringing with him lad, whom he
ushered into the kitchen with the re-
mark:
Nov, Teddy, this is your home, and
that is your mistress, Mrs. Benton, and
whatever she requires Of you you are to
do, Of course"
John Benton, in the utter loneliness
of his heart, and fearing lest his unused
tongue Should become paralyzed by
this prolonged inactivity, or that he
should lose his voice for want of prac-
tice, had, like Robinson Crusoe, brought
home little man Friday to talk to,
and also to use as mouthpiece for
himself and wife. Things now went on
with less laundering and uncertainty,
for Teddy was made the medium for
conveying the thoughts or wishes alter
nately from one to the other. But
John monopolized so much of the boys
companionship in his new found delight
at giving vent to speech that Mrs.
Benton still led Il rather lonely life.
But" thought she, ''what is sauce
for the goose ought to be sauce for the
gander, and will have a girl Friday
before the week is out, in order to
strengthen and improve my vocal
powers.
And so she did. Never was there u
more astonished man than was John
Benton on the evening that he came
chattering with Teddy into the kitchen
and stopped upon the threshold to listen
to the irrepressible flood of female con-
versation that was being poured forth