Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1884-07-29
Mr.. SpoOpendyke Losses His Suspen-
ders.

"Now, my dear" said Mr.. Spooren-
dyke, as he stretched himself and
drew on his pantaloons, "youv'e clean
ed these trowsers up iirst.rate. This
Is what call economy. Itsaves mon
ey. If I'd taken 'em to the tailor's 1t
would have cost a couple Of dollars at
least, and you've saved just that
amount" and Mr.. Spoopendyke went
to his additions, and then pulled on
his shirt. "l'll clean your shirt, too,
If you like said Mis-. Spoopendyke.
Leave il at home some day and I'll
take this spot out of the sleeve" and
Mrs. Spoopendyke hustled around and
looked delighted with the idea of
pleasing her husband. "Where's my
suspenders?n said Mr.. Spcopendyke,
screwing himself around and looking
down his back. "lou didn't clean
the suspenders from out of sight, did
your" "They were there when you
put on your pants" said Mrs. Spoop-
endykc; ~ have not touched them.
What did you do with them?n "Oh,
yes, certainly. j did something with
them! What dye suppose did with
them? Think set 'em up in business
somewhere, don't ye? Got an idea |
gave them vacation, haven't We?
Well. didn't, and more than that,
didn't send them away to he educated
for the ministry. Where's my suspend
ers? Where'd you put them? S'pose Pm
going around holding these pants all
day? Think got no business inter-
ests besides holding on my breeches
with both hands? What did you do
with the things?n III know | did not
take them off the pants" said Mrs.
Spoopendy Ike, pulling open the bureau
drawers and hustling Things around
in u vain endeavor TO fiud the missing
things. "'They must be there some
where" "Show 'em to me thenr de-
manded Mr.. Spo0pendyke, take
stick and point them out to me! or
course they are there somewhere, only
just put your thumb on 'em! Can't
you recollect whether We made 'em up
into hat bands for the heather like you
did my dressing-gown, or whether
grow, like you di, my straw hat?
their girl to picnic? What kind of
housekeeping dye call this, anyhow?
Where's my suspenders?" howled Mr..
sPnopendyke, poking around In the
suspenders?" and he pulled the books
on the shelf, and rummaged around
behind the case with a broom handle
for divining-rod. 'Maybe / can
fix your pants so you WONT
need any suspenders to-day, and
I'll find them before night" suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "That'sit You've
got II, "raved Mr.. Spoopendyke. "How
are you going to fix 'em? Going to tie
them on with shoestring like you
do your hustle? Going to walk around
behind me all day and hold 'em on
Praps you can pull 'em up and button
them around my neck? How dye
propose to Fix 'em? Going to put them
on upside down SO If they fall they'll
fall up: IL | had your head I'd go out
to service as n file. Fix 'em, why don't
ye: Why don't ye fix 'em? These
trousers are getting sick at the stomach,
waiting to be fixed ~ and Mr.. Spoo-
pepdyke shot across the room and dove
under the wardrobe in search of the
lost suspenders. "Just let me buckle
them tight behind" said Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke. "The strap will hold them.n
That's the scheme" shrleked Mr..
Spoopendyke, something's got to
hold them! II 1 was as sharp as you
I'd get rich hiring out as an oyster
knife. Going to find those suspenders
between now and the next war;" II
know they were on his pants when he
put them on" unused Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, with a horrible grin. Perhaps
you're going to cut button holes In your
hands and feet and hang over my
shoulders, amt We? Want me to put
'em on over my head like measly
skit with two turks and a tlounce to 1t,
don't ye. Maybe you think those sus-
penders hurried down to break fast so 8
10 get the first crack at the morning
paper, don't ye:n But Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke made no response. Opening the
back of her husbands fluttering shirt,
she saw the missing suspenders. He
had slipped them over his shoulders
assuming the muslin, and had forgot.
ten all about them. ''Smart as the
whip, amt ye:' growled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, AS he drew oil his shirt and let
the suspenders down. III my head
was as clear as yours I'd hire out for a
church bell. You only need four les.
sons and a drop of rain water 10 he IA
microscope" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
hurried on his clothes and scuttled
.I..su - 1t