The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1884-11-20
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n COLD wave FHsHE hfH iiilI III tie
polar regions.
A vorE il the ballo.-box is worth two
"on the fence
II yon wish TO keep your name IN
tarnishcd, sronr your door plate night
and morning. Carl Prctzct
Mas. ScHeLLlsu, nee Morosini, is
goi"g 90 sing on tlls stage. II she
don't sing any better than size marries
we earnestly hope she won't come West.
Huntington Hdrteue.
MANY persons have been thrown into
spasms on being suddenly surprised.
Still we are willing to take the chances
on being surprised bv some one coming
in suddenly and paying his subscription.
Paris Bedcon.
4 SWARM of hces administered q
scngcrs III tho nrighborhood II Chicago
tho other day. The train went through
the swarm and the swarm went through
the train. Boston Post.
DocToRs are agreed that there Ii not
only n suicidal wave sweeping over the
country at certain seasons, but that it
Is always followed 10y mania for writ
ing oetry. Couldn't ii be arranged to
have the mania come first?
IT'S now the hunter takes his gun =
The fields he rambles ose".
From ,nrly dawn to set of sun.
In search Of snipe and plover.
A gloomy, disappointed wight.
bantlag Il hand ,afsssng.
Returns h. sally hem q. nivht.
With s,v.ral nngsrs mis- Ing
--.Noaaefrtitp Jotraal
"lor are no. looking we'll" "I'm
not feeling we'll, either. whats the
nattcr2" Il had fearful nightmare
last night. Yon know that my wife
owned pug dog, and tho cnsscu brute
died" Yes Well, / dreamed ii
had come to life again. -Teras SIT
inys.
"TnERE's something the matter with
this lemonade; / guess your lemons
must have been too ripe "Oh, no,
replied the waiter: "the lemons are all
right. II may he the ice: little stale,
perhaps" ice stale?" Yes, sir; been
kept since last winter. you know.
Customer drinks in silence.
The Sheriffs in Arkansas have very
sad time Of it. During the last 81,
months no less than nine legally con
victcd mnrderers were taken from the
hands OF tho Shcrifis and hung hy pub
lic-spiritcd mobs. As the Sheriils gc,
$40 for each and every execution. the,
are naturally indignant Mt the competi
ton Of the mobs. ~-Teras Sirtings.
THE BITTER BIrTEN.
Big brown eyes and auburn hair.
NJ such was the farmers daughter,
How ,o fiirt and use h.r eyes
No one had yer taught her
A soft mGs.aclh. and a handsome facc.
of such was tn. bankers son.
He thought he'd teach this chsid To fiirt
For the sake OF a little fun
Alas, he found to his dtsmay
Just when twas time ta part,
While he was teaching her to ftlrt,
she'd robbed him Of his heart
.~Lus.
"MAMMA," said little girl, "lo al
wicked people go to the bad place ?
"Ycs. dear" And all the good peopl,
| 70 to heaven?" "les." "Ain't som,
people Wickeicr than other people =
YES, I suppose they are" We'll,
think that the people who are not $,
very. very wicked ought to 60 to tn,
had place only in the winter-timc. :.
Nen London Day.
"WnAr is the chief difference between
the newspapers Of to-day and those o
the olien tinsc?" recently asked a risin.
young journalist of superannuate,
newspaper-man. The apparent lacl
of fires to be reported" was the veter
ans response. "Conilagrato ons ther,
| are in plenty. with holocau>ts, and I,
spare but the plain. old-fashioned fir,
seems to have had its day. -Buaut,
| Express,
MY lahors, So far, have only hcel
partially successful" said returne,
missionary. MANY Of the poor heath
en- seemed disposed to accept tn
doctrines Of Christianity, but are loatl
to give up the practice OF eannihalism.
Rather difficult to reconcile the two,
was comment made. Yes, they ar
somewhat antagonistic, but ultimatel,
! hope TO eradicate cannibalism en
tirciv, Although l have been able /
convert large number to the extent o
saying grace before meat. -Netc ior
/ Sun.