The Florida agriculturist., 1884-11-12
VARIETIES.

gullty-! Arrah, muSha, yer worship,
how can / tell till hear the ividence ?"
"What is your opinion, sir, about di-
vorce ?" Madame, accept divorce as a
necessary compromise, but say without
hesitation that for really noble mind, a
soul capable of delicate emotions, divorce
can never hold a candle to widowerhood =
French Wit.
Not worth division: Little Dick had
two apples given him. 'You ought to let
your little sister have one of these" J"
suggested his mother. "Where is she ?''
She is asleep" ''Noh, guess I'll eat
'em bo'f myself. What good will maple
do her if she is asleep?"
"Mrs. Dexter. did you put up these
preserves p eyes, sir, fiatter myself
l did," "Quite task, l should say
madame" ''From present observation
should infer that it was much more of
task for me to put them up than for you
to put them down"
ooh. DEAR" sighed a farmers wife
wearily, as she dropped into chair after
hard days work, according to the New
York Sum ''I feel just as if were going
to be sick. My head throbs, and my
back aches dreadfully, and" "By
{ gosh," interrupted the farmer, starting
up and seizing his hat, "that reminds me
/ l forgot to give the two-year-old colt his
condition powders tonight, an he's been
wheezin' all day." and he hurried to
the barn.
A benevolent lady investigated the
wants of some professional beggars the
other day. 'Where is the blind man ?"
she asked of a little girl she met at the
door of the tenementhJuse. "He's read
in der paper, num-" &c All and where
is the deaf man p" "He's tallxi' politics
/ wild de butcher" "And what has be-
come of the paralytic ?'' He's abed
num-" "Well, that's strange. He
ought to be running race, replied the
lady, sarcastically che is the only hon
est beggar in the building. Why is he in
bed ?" Because he's dead, num-"
The latest fancy in sheets and pillow
cases is to make them of black, red, pink
blue or primrose yellow surah or foulard
silk, trim them with cream, fcelle gray
or black lace, and use them only when
necessary to receive, in spite of indis-
position, in bed. The coverlet over such
sheets and pillow cases is of silk broche,
any color preferred, lined with satin to
harmonic and bordered with swans
down feather bands or light, fluffy fur.
The camisole or gown must match the
I color of the sheets.
Dr. Schweninger, of Munich, has dis
covered new mode of reducing the
human frame. 1t IS never to eat and
drink at the same time, but to let tive
hours intervene. He has, it is said, cured
Prince Bismarck of tendency to obesity
in this way. Fat people have now their
choice between four systems. /. The
original Banting, which consists of eat
ING nothing cotaining starch, sugar or fat
3. The German Banting, which allows
fat. but forbids sugar or starch. 3. A
Munich system, which consists of being
clothed in wool and sleeping in flannel
blankets instead of sheets. 5. Not eat
ing and drinking at the same time.
"Come here, Lucy" said an Austin
farmer to his l1-year-old daughter, who
was champing gum drop, and rocking
her doll to sleep: "come hither, girl. )"
She came. I've a notion to box your
ears for talking to Tom Jones over the
gate. What do you mean by flirting
with the boys?'' "Pa, we were not fiirt-
ing. Bye o baby Now you go to sleep
dolly, like good little girl. No, father,
ours is no frivolous Irritation" 81 sup
pose," said the father, giggling at the
idea, ''you are engaged" No we are
not engaged; but pa, you might aid us
in CARRYING out the desire of our young
hearts. 1t would make us SO happy. e
l''Want to get married, do you? r. "Oh,
mo. we were married two months. ago.
Ia divorce is what we are after now.
A feeble old negro struggled painfully
lin. 'sBoss," he said, 'I'se an cle,' ole
man. l was bon in ole Nahginny an
llibbed dar mos on to nlnety-elgnt year,
an want yo' ter assis' me er little dis
|mawnin boss, ef you pleas sab q
"You knew George Washington, OF
course?"
"No sab, l nebber seed him."
'sWhat! You lived in Virginia ninety
eight wears and never saw George Wash
iington?"
"Dat am er fac boss. Use an homes
ole man, an am too far gone in dis worl'
fer to tell er lie. | nebber seed young
George, but Lor', sab, his po' ole gran
fader an gran 'mudder yuse ter think
powerful sight OBJ me, boss. "-New YORK
Sun.
Indian squaw Visiting her daughter
at the Indian schooD-"Who are those
two girls you were playing with q
Indian pupil-sTTheir names are Edith
and Ellie. They are such nice little girls. :"
"But they are white" eyes, ma"
"Where do they come from?'' Edith
is from Boston and Ellie from PhIla-
delphia." "Just as i supposed How
often must / tell you never to associate
with such folks?" "Why, ma, what is
The matter,with them ?'' 1.-THE idea Of
my children- --oag children-stooping to
Recognize such creatures Be more ex-
elusive Remember you belong to one
of the old families" !" "But don't they? 2"
tiOf course not. They are mere foreign