The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1884-09-19
w1r AND HUmoR.

pOlnt! mo; but I've seen your Ink
stand" How can that be when they
both are stationery"
A Detroit paper says: 'sThe bicyc-
| list beat the zampillarotationis at Ann
Arbor last week." We don't know
what kind of an animal it is, but are
glad to know that the bicyclist came off
victorious.
Some one has discovered that the
bigh-heeled shoes worn by women pro-
duce softening of the brain. 1t was
not generally known that the braiu of
women who wear. such shoes was To-
Gated so low; but it seems plausible
enough.
The poet Browning is being painted
by his SON in all the glory of his scar
let Oxford doctorial gown for Balliol
College, of which he is fellow. This
may be all right, but. it seems rather
ungrateful for young man to paint
his father red.-Boston Post.
A writer on health advises people to
'.live in the sum-" Owing to the pres
ont inadequate facilities for transport
tation and the high price of real estate
on that luminary, we should not adj
wise any of our readers to emigrate
there this season.-Burlington Free
Press.
Waiter-"What will you have, Missp'
Customer Cooking over the restaurant
| bill of fare)-"Permit me to cogitate.
In the correlation of forces it is a rec
ognized property of atomic"
Waiter (shouts across the hall to head
server)-..Baked beans for one."-
Philadelphia Call.
Carrie" said one Somerville girl
to another yesterday, "are you going
to the picnic Tomorrow lam; arc
youp" 'Of courser' what do you
intend to wearp" ..My white muslin.
of course. What do you intend to
wearp" II will wear waterproof
cloak. I've been at picnics before"
My arrest is foul outrage, and I
shall make the authorities suffer for it.
What in heavens name were you
doing. Absolutely nothing | was
engaged in work on my farm when the
| officers swooped down and captured
me. HIM; yes. What do you raise on
vour farm2 Notes. Post
cypress. .' r
The seats in Western church are
set on pivots, like those in dry-goods
store. This enables the fair wofhiper,
who sits pretty well up in front, TO
turn around and count the number of
new bonnets in the house without
screwing her head off almost and
going home with stiff neck. -Norris-
t0,Dn Herald.
II am choost as full ash bag of
-FOUR" remarked an inebriate to q
sober friend. There is q difference
between you and q sack of flour, how
ever" What ish diflerence?" When
sack is full it can stand up, but when
you are full you can't even lie down on
the ground without holding on" -Tec-
as SJtings.
"lf," said an Austin school-teacher,
'you 60 to butcher shop and pay ten
cents a pound for meat, how many
pounds" Up went the hand of
new boy from the country. What is
1t, johnny" when we want meat
we don't go to a butchers shop. Pc
goes out on tho prairie and kills q
maverick. "-Ieras Syttngs.
Jane. hear your beau is little
wild; not very steady, they say"
"Oh, yes, he is; he is one of the most
steady young men l ever saw"
STEADY? Oh, no, he can't be. I've
heard he was anything else but steady"
"Well, he just is steady. He has al
ways come TO the house every evening
since We were first engaged, drunk or
sober"
An exchange thinks 1.-THE time may
come when the thunderstorm may be
called up by artificial means" Come?
Why, bless you, it is here. The only
artificial means necessary is to get up
a Sunday-school picnic. There may be
an occasional failure. but it is about rs
reliable as anything on this ever
changing globe-save death and taxes.
-NorriStolon Herald.
"How glorious it is to be engaged in
purely intellectual occupation"
murmured Boston maiden gazing
rapturously into the admiring eyes of
q country editor; ''your own mental
faculties for tools, and the whole uni
verse for a workshop. Now tell me"
she added. "what do you find the most
difficult thing connected with your
noble profession?" Paying the
hands," said the editor. -PhilaaeLphtG
Call.
"Ah, Charlie, my dear boy, what's
your hurry?" .'Well. to tell you tho
truth, Ned, my defalcation has been
found out, and I am in rather hurry
to get away" '.Well, come up to the
club and tell me about it, and"
"No, really can't; have got to leave
in the morning. The Sheriff has just
told me Cat will be arrested in a day
or So" ''Well, good-by, old man;
write when you have time. '-BostO's
Post
She had just returned from Vassar,
and papa was stroking her hair fondly..
II hope, my DEAR" said the old man,
''that you haven't acquired any of tho
vulgar slang phrases which so many of
the vassar young ladies are said to
use.". "You bet / haven't, papa" she
said brightly; t''when anybody catches
me talking slang he is especially in
vited to slug me in the seventh rib"
'"That is right, my daughter; never in
dulge in slang. 1t gives young lady
dead away."-M Y San.
I was forced to smile the other day
when Mrs. Scoville, now known as
Mrs. Howe, the sister of the late Chas.
Guiteau, called on me to examine the
Nc. of q book which she had prepared
for publication, and, in the course of
her conversation, stated that her
former husband was about to marry
again, and that she had o lot of we'd
ding stationery that they had not used.
and which she proposed to send him
in q good and generous spirit, to facili-
ate matters on the occasion.-ChicQ9O
Tribune Man about Tos0n."
An amusing story is going the rounds
of the Indian papers, told by Kanda-
har news writer. An Afghan lady
applied to the Amir Abdur Rahman for
q judicial separation on the ground
that her spouse was becoming bald
headed by reason of age. The Amir
solemnly ordered q vial of sour milk to
be poured over the husbands head, and
ordered the wife to lick it off. This
humiliating ceremony performed, the
woman was placed on a donkey, her
face to its tail, and was led through
the bazaar. Query: Is sour milk good
for baldnessp
A Modern Fable: The Fate of the
Fly.-A Fly who thought he had Dis
covered Soft Snap found his feet
stuck fast to sheet of paper, and rs
he Struggled in Vain to Recover his
Freedom he cried out: elf could be
set back five minutes. you would not
find me here! cit is not what we
have done, but what We are going to
do that needs the most consideration,
answered the Servant rs she drew
long sigh and broke three more plates.