The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-08
PHINNYPHONEs.

A lady in Lynn threatens to shoot ashoe-
maker for breach of promise to have her
CATERS ..done sure on Saturday night.
An old sailor said, a few days ago, 'Ibegan
the world with nothing, and have held
my own ever since"
you look as though you were beside your
self as a wag said to fellow who stood
beside a donkey. -sls@.
The most difficult feature to the sketcher
in pencilling Rebecca at the Well is dra,'in9
water  t09t
\ negro after gazing at some Chinese,
shook his head and solemnly said. IF de
white folks be so dark as dat out dar, won
der what's de color of de black folks,
A young man generally gives lock of
his hair to his sweetheart before he marries
her. After marriage. She sometimes helps
herself. and don't use scissors
A celebrated general. ill one of his
reports wrote 1.-THE best and last point i'll
the battle, but the printers made it. THE
best and last pint in the bottle.
'.Massa Christopher Columbus was aqueer
man, said a negro orator. "A notion
crossed him one day and den he crossed an
ocean
1t may be question whether an army is
or is not brave when. on being attacked at
its morning meal, it resolves at all hazards
to breok fast. HF4t
Why are old maids the most charming of
all people? Because they are motehless.
. Do write and fear not, is what the
girls say totheir correspondents.
Some one wishing to be witty on gen
tleman with a large mouth, asked him IF
he had long lease of that month of his,
when he was good-humoredly answered
NO, have it only from gear to gear,
One day some one said Of very hand
some woman whose feet We're immense,
She's very pretty; but she upsets com
pletely the ordinary system measurement,
by proving that two feet make a yard
An Illinois politician after helping to cele
brate the Democratic victory in New Hamp
shire turned appealinglyto one ofhis fellow
celebrators and asked, Where is New
Hampshire, any howe
\ widow who was weeping over the new
made grave of her husband, finally dried her
eyes and said There one comfort i'll it. any
how: shall now always know where he is
o nights -
Owing to the peculiar arrangement of
the programme, no piece can be repeated
was the answer White received from his
landlady upon asking for second piece of
pie at dinner.
Some wag stuck placard on skeleton
like horse standing III Printing House
Square the other day. on which was written.
in large letters, Oats wanted Inquire
within.n
A blind beggar had brother who went
to sea and was drowned. Now the man
who was drowned had no brother What
relation was the man drowned to the blind
begger? The blind beggar wasthe drowned
man $ SISTER. @.l4H sTHf A
\ little girl who was drawing her pastors
picture Wnen he was making visit to her
parents residence, was finally asked how
she was getting along. "Oh, not good. "
she answered; so III just put tail to it
and call it a dog
Mary, dear, are you not well? Why don't
you come down stairs?" 20, don't bother
me, ma. I've got got one eyebrow blacker
than the other, and can't find pencil, and
it won't wash off, and don't know what
to do at ALL
Acynical old bachelor, who firmly be
heves that all women have something to say
ON all subjects, recently asked female
friend, Wen madam, what do you hold ON
this question of female suffrage" To him
the lady responded calmly, Sir, hold my
tongue.