The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-06-06
DEER LODGE, MONTANA JUNE g, 1884.
WHOLE NO. 77S.
WHY WE LAUGH.

A Zulu belle Is like the proverbial prophet.
She has not much oA'er In her own country.
Chicago Sun.
The immortal saying, "There's always
room at the top" was invsnLed by hotel
clerk.-Hawkeye.
Little Flaxen Hsir-Papa, it's raining.
Papa (somewhaL annoyed by work in handy
Well, let It rain.-Littie Flaxen Hair (tim-
idly)-I was going to.
The wife Is called the better half, but in
the base ball season the husband bets for the
whole family.-Oa City Derrick.
There Is q petrifed baby in museum at
Dallas, Texas, and the ladies oil think II q
real gneiss little thing.-Bismarck Tribune.
It aim whut man knows or bout hisse'f
dat makes him feel proud. It's whut he
'magines udder people thinks o. him.-Ar-
kansas Trareler.
Some men are born great, some achieve
greatness, and some write II, ,S73, ,549, 1921 900
words on postal card and grasp fame right
by the back of the NECK.
Henry Dore, OF Rochester, was kicked by
horse Sunday aud received q broken leg.
Now let somebody sing "Never take the
horseshoe from the Dore" to him.-Ihe
Hatchet.
The Journal of Health says that O cold
may be cured If the patient will eat nothing
for a.day or two. This may account fer the
scarcity of colds among newspaper men,
Boston Post.
Mr.. Froude, in one of his lectures, stated
that Cato did not begin to learn the Greek
language until he was eighty -four years Of
age. Most boys are anxious TO follow the
example Of Cato.
A Pennsylvania man has just bought Of .
Baltimore man . Jersey bull for S15,0 900.
There are lots Of bulls In Wall street who
would like to sell themselves for half the
money.-Boston Transcript.
An Illinois lady is said to have collected q
string Of buttons twenty -four feet long. This
accounts for so many men in that State with
their suspenders attached TO their pants with
q shingle nail.-Peck's Sun.
What every man can do better than any
one else, says q Western exchange, are to
poke fire, put on his hat, edit newspaper,
tell . stnry-after another man has COM
menced it-and examine . railway time
table.
One of The results Of the panic IL the fact,
cabled from London, that several wealthy
Americans abroad will be obliged to return
home Immediately. And another that sew
eral at home will want to 60 abroad.-Bos-
ton Post.
"Call the A. Q. & Y. slow road? My
dear sir, you have been misinformed. It 10
the fastest road in the country and always
has been. Why, 1t passed its dividends the
very first year, and has continued to pass
them ever since. e."-Bost0n Transcript.
What this country wants is . base ball
university, pure and simple. The apologies
for one at Cornell, Yale and Princeton can
not supply the demand for ball tossers, and
they never will until Latin, Greek, and even
the Presidents English are struck of the list
of studies Canadian american.
A gentleman was telling of the destitution
Of the people In certain district In the far
West. "Why," said he, "there are hundreds
actually begging for bread" "Thats pretty
- stranger, no mistake" remarked q
tired looking specimen ur numxnILy, uuG
faint half so bad IS working for it."-Boston
Transcript.
At an auction sale the other day marine
view was being knocked down at hand
some figure, when . bluff sailor, who hap
pened to wander In, exclaimed, earnestly,
"My stars! IL there amt vesss! drifting on
the rocks with q strong breeza blowing of
shore !" The artist took bis work home to
rearrange the wind.
An Arizona Episode: Two drinks. Two
more. Friendly game Of poker. More
drinks. Jack pot. More drinks. Four tens.
Lively betting. Four aces. Seventeen pis-
tol shots. One inquest. Much public en-
thusiasm. A lariat. One posse Of citizens.
A battering ram. A necktie party. Editorial
In local paper on "Strides of Civilization" !"
Life.
A Nebraska young man has run away with
his employers wife and his best span Of
mules. The employer Is wroth, not SO much
on account Of the loss Of his wife as the loss
of the mules. His only consolation lies In
his knowledge that the woman Is good deal
more stubborn than the mules, and that the
young man does not know what he has TO
deal with yet.