Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-05-21

gage this morning. 7 didn't mean it,
Won know" ooh, 7 don't care" re-
ngied Mrs. T., $50 long as [ am treated
like any other baggage. 81 don't I'M
derstand, my dear" why, l want 10
be checked" The check was forthcom-
ing. This accounts for Mrs. Johnsbury, s
new black silk.-Boston Transcript.
ssAND SO now they're engaged? Well,
Jessie. to think of you, with your beau
ty and accomplishments, and your
lovely voice, being cut out by such an
Ignorant little fright as that Maggie
Ouickson? You sang to him, l supposeY'
Eyes. mamma, by the hour. But
she made him sing, you know; and
played his accompaniment for nun.
"Why, can he sing?" No, mamma; but
she made him believe he cou.ld-Lon-
don Punch.
JoNEs-s'It is too bad. / believe |
was born on an unlucky day." Smith
"Why so?" "Here / ann, a mere no.
body, and vet the man that | made sl.5
to-day in the halls of Congress, and he
don't acknowledge his debt, either.
''That is strange to whom are you re,
ferring?" s'To Col. Blank. "But
he owes all his political success to his
brilliant war record" eyes; but 1t 1t
had been for me he would not have had
any war record" Chow so?" 81 was
drafted and sent him to the war as my
substitute. philadelphia Cau.
A PATENT medicine manufacturer died
in New York last week. Before ne died
his friends asked him how he would like
to be buried. He had just strength
left to say: "Insert me top column
next to reading matter fifty two tunes
electro by mail" and then he closed his
eyes and passed away to that bourne
where there are no omissions nor
wrong insertions.
JIM WEBSTER, hard-looking colored
man, was brought to Justice IN Austin
for stealing some money from the house
of Col. Jones, one of the most respect
able citizens. Said the Judge very i'm
pressiyely to Jim: 'sDidn't you know
that no good can come from stolen
money-that there is a curse On 1t?'
ssBoss, I didn't know Col. Jones stole
dat money. I allus 'spected him OBJ
bein' an homes man. White folks are
gettin to be mighty Unreliable now
adays. Texas Siftings.
A TAILOR in d village in Canada failed
few days ago and called meeting of
his creditors. An Investigation seemed
to show that his liabilities were So, 900
and his assets 81 900. SIT appears,
said one of the creditors, " that you can
paw TWENTY-FIVE cents on the dollar"
ssVhell, I doan' figure it like dot, re-
piled the tailor. Chow do you fgure?"
"Vhy, pays feefty cends on the toll
lar" GLOW can you do it when your
assets only allow for one-fourth?"
"Vhell, prings der odder money down
from der houser'-Detroit Free Press.
IHAvE always felt the deepest sympa-
thy for the lonely prisoner who runs an
elevator. What though his confine-
ment is temporarily shared by all the
world and his wife, he enjoys the friend
ship of moment, the intimacy of one
flight, perhaps the acquaintance that
goes to the top floor, and then all ties are
severed. Even the companionship that
reaches the basement is ended by the
inevitable bump and the snap of the
door. And so I always speak gently to
this sad exile from the happier fates of
man, and try to mitigate his lot as far as
practicable San Francisco NeaOs-
Letter.
sVHELn, you may talk of Chicago all
day, but Cincinnati vhas der place to do
de peesness in," remarked the first.
Chicago vhas der biggest city" "Oh,
I know dot, but der situation vhas
eaferytings. Last spring my creditors
extended me for thirty days on account
of der freshet, and last month was ex-
tended fifteen days on account of der
riots. Before April is oafer [ am ex-
tended for some big fires, and by July
der Ohio River vhas so low get special
rates on all umbrellas, and vhas extend
ed thirty days on white vests and linen
busters. ALI we lack now is a hurricane
in November to extend us two months
on listers and arctic overshoes.