Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-31
WIT AND HUNTOR.

IL, l. L
could endure her, l could endure all
Others"
Ellen Terry has acquired slight
American accent. The Kansas CITY
Times says that accent" cost us
$40, 900.
Why is girl who takes out found
lings to ride in baby carriage like
traveller? Because she is waif-airer.
Teas SItings.
1t was Chinese lady, we believe,
who wrote home from Chicago: 1.-The
women in this strange country wear
trunks on their feet. Philadelphia
Call.
MARY, be careful, my child, when
going out Have will of your own"
'Oh, I've got VIII of my own, moth
er; but he can't be with me all the
time
Baseball clubs are noted for their
outlandish names. 4 Western club
has q short-stop named Stitch" He
is the man who. if in time, will save
the nine. -LoaOeU Courier.
An umbrella carried over woman,
the man getting nothing but the drip
pings of the rain, signifies courtship.
When the man has the UMBRELLA and
the woman the drippings it indicates
marriage.
'Milkman, milkman, tell me true;
milk blue??" May" quoth the poetic
milkman. '.indeed | say no lie; It's the
reflection in the water of the pale blue
sky"
Yes" said q New York girl, Il can
take my pick from half a dozen wealthy
young men in the city" '.You ought
to be able to-" replied rival belle
sweetly. ''you are certainly old enough
to pick"
Fifteen Massachusetts girls are about
to undertake trip in the Adirondacks.
Somebody has been giving them some
exaggerated pointers about the number
Of unmarried men who have taken to
the woods.
A Nevada lady took an unfair advan-
tage of her husbands indulgence in a
bath TO elope with another man, and
the bereft one expressed conviction
that she had been waiting for an OPP
portunity oryears.
Another tomb has been uncovered in
Egypt; it contains 5000 mummies.
Hitherto all these ancient WORTHLESS
have kept mum, and even now some
body else has to speak for them.-Dry
Goods Bulletin.
A society has been formed at Hart
ford Conn, to provide harmless amuse-
ments for young men. The ravages of
bicycling and baseball are evidently
beginning to be felt in that community.
Darlington Free Press.
Where Is My Boy Tonight" is the
title of q late song. This is q difficult
conundrum to answer; but q little later
in the season, when the weather is q
little more settled, he will probably be
found assisting some young girl to ruin
the hinges of a garden ate.-Son1er-
Uille Journal.
Mark Twain is learning to ride the
bicycle. He will soon give an exhibit
ton of innocence abroad. Citi-
zen. We hear he is going on a tour
with his ''White Elephant" with tom
Sawyer to drive the beast. They ex-
pect to have q splendid time Rough
ing it. ''-Broohlya Times.
ooh, Mr.. Solo," remarked a gush-
ing young lady to q rather bashful
vocalist, why don't you go into soci-
ETY. more and let us lionize youp"
MY dear Miss G. replied the singer,
'sthere was but one man who was not
spoiled lionizing." 'tAnd who was
that. pray?" Daniel. "-OU City Der
rick.
''Anything of Importance happened
while you've been gomez" said the
Vermont man to his neighbor just
back from journey. Il should say
there had; I've had two hens die, my
dog killed q woodchuck, and Deacon
Tidd snapped horses with q French
man; oh, this town has been lively
Boston / 0St.
Maneuvering mamma, who is anxious
her daughters chief attraction should
not escape the notice of the very eligi-
bic young man who is taking her down
to supper Maria, Maria!' Eyes,
mamma" Take your eyelashes ont of
tangle, darling" And then the young
mans heart gets all snarled up in
those eyelashes.
Boston has a new social club of
young men named the Puritan club.
The old clown used to say that he
named his mule ''Huckleberry be-
cause he was so fond of blackberries,
and we fear the young mems selection
of the above Notwithstanding title
has about the same degree of reasoning
in it.-ELnaird advertiser.
Religious joke: Some time since n
gentleman died, who, during life, re-
fused to believe in any future punish
ment. Two or three weeks after his
death his wife received through spir-
itual medium the following communi-
cation: Dear wife, [ now believe.
Please send my thin clothes and n bar
rel of ice water. &c Christian at York.
''Well. wife, I'm going to get some
new clothes right away" said Hart
ford man the other day; Il declare |
look too shabby to go on the streets.
Why, I met a tramp on the street the
other day with enough site better look
~, 31,-o ssWb--