Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1884-05-08

a'jrajuia fire. gFsss.
W.T. tND HUMOR.

WIT md HUHOR.
The older Inc deg the more cur age he
has.
If YOU ask bald-headed man how he
would prefer to be upholstered, he'll likely
express desire fer mo hair on top OF the
head.
Loves sweetest meanings, says WI
Ter, are urspoken" Exactly; no elo-
quence can compare with caromels ana
gum-drops.
How 10 you define black as Your hate
SAID a schoolmas;cr to one of his pupils
Darkness tia. may be ielt,' replied the
youthful wit.
"At the party last night noticed you
were q little TOO mueh like the toas,s."-
"Why how were the toasts ." They were
drunk :"
Il is the energetic pushing man who sue
cecds in this world Young man, if You
cant find anything else topusb, push d baby
coach
Young Farmer: Are you fond Of beasts,
Miss Gushcrtou 90 ooh, really, AIr. Paw
ker, if you mean thar as a declaration, You
must speak 90 mamma
Does hanging diminish the number Of
murders" sbriess cotcmporary opposed
20 capital punishment Itmay NOT butthcrc
Is one thing certain, it diminishes The NUM-
Der Of murlersrs.
"Where shall we find our teachcrs| asks
an educational exchange Wen, many %
our sweet girl teachers may De found sitting
on sofas with nice young men, any tiwe
after eight o'clock p II.
'YOu bachelors ought to be taxed" sail
Miss Lachlord 60 d rosclu;e eyaler Of the
moose matrimonial. "Iagree with you per
fectly, ma'am," was the reply, for bachel-
orism certainly Is a l0xury.
II is hard 90 believe that the hairs Of ouT
head are numbered. but We can al readily
believe it abou, the hairs olthe moustache-
ofsome young men. They are so few tha
they can be counted at glance.
Please Rcmember.
Don0t forget tina, life Is worth every eiJl
that is put forth for its preservation and nc
matter what the oilmen. or disease YOU
should not give u2 O. the iell destroyer with
out making every eiar. In your powcr g
counleract his advances and % regain your
health and strength. Yes. please remember
that Dr. = b. Hartman, oi fltsoury, ha,
discovered "a remedy called Pcrgn8, which
although mo-, warranted 90 cUyc every d,s-
ease incident o. ,lis climate and humanity
IN general vet !, has performed some cures
which were almost miraculous in their ma
ture. PcTuul is composed ot the purc't oi
ingredients. and 40 uincra. poison Us ai'
lowed 90 en.er into 10. under any considesa-
ton. and hence &c IS always g sure and sat,
remedy. Give 10 @ trial, and you wl-llikeit
True generosity: No, said the gener-
Gus man, Il haven't got that horse
found that 10 cost more 90 keep him than De
was worth, SO gave hin to Uy brother as
Christmas present.
Ncighboss are very csusiderGte in Norway
WHO, 81 b,hv +, born aplecari is nailed ur
...........,...;.,- ,r.L,
OH GIG N'''
fact. Those who WISH @ move on. ~ 1h'
vicinity orc tins enabled % DO so in good
season.
Too young 20 we'd the brush Artist .tc
Young lalywho wants 90 learn painting -
=. HOW. oi5 are Won e, Young Lady
,.-r....s d.. oo..l~St2 Thsr
I"."'! '-'-' ..,
4 advise you 20 desisl. ga may s'''l su0
I1ual'' nav. y'' ,-." 90 '-''''' w.
Gay ~ '1 lD- '''''-' '''
thing ne" i'' '"' W '''' " ~ ~, .'''
boy s'' %" -' d ,'''e \" ~ %. s''-''-
"''' 10. -l i-'0' ~ '''''.-' '-' ALA VI ''''
N'''
h-y cream Dam. mas J..e0 nc %. "a
'1l'l = s, '', ''' go. Sr mi. Tl
. Ra,m f,s Io eoaa, as cure. Frank Z
Os3er. Elizabeth, Nj. Apply with finger.
Amer using q large number OF Pfel4iIa
. .I.. '9' l'.'' IN u H., 1,,' +i Give. nm
ihe mos. relief I cam recommend 1t to on.
ono who may have tltIIrI. Cold ln ta