The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-12-21
A Few Lessons From HuS-
band to Wife.
BRIEF BUT GLORIOUS CAREER.
Periodical Entertainment, with
the Usual Results.

| any 1lAAhS OO you huONI LulIh
would like to go on the stage?"
Like to drive, perhaps, Suggested Mr..
Spoopendyke.
II mean act" replied his wife. 81
think l could do it as well as any of
those women tonight Do you know
much about theatres2 Is it hard?"
mo, "grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke, tug
! ging at his boots. 1T would be very
easy for you. All you have to do is to
stand around and talk, and you won't
want any rehearsals for that
But l would have to practice twist
ing around so as to fall in that mans
arms like she did, Unused Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. II don't think could do it as
grace. ully as she lid without trying
several times"
That's the part you want to play, is
it?' growled Mr.. Spoopendyke, with a
shade of green in his eyes. You let
me see you fall on any mans shoulders
| like that, and you will find no trouble
in getting twisted around few times.
What's your idea in going on the stage?
Have you got a stomach full of devo-
ton to art like the rest of the women of
! that you can go on the boards and show
old stagers how its done, haven't We?
Feel the fires of histrionic genius climb
ing up your spine, don't We? Well, you
don't! It's nothing but your measly
vanity"
"Don't you think 1 would know how
to act2" she asked, pulling her crimps
over her forehead. assuming a stern ex-
preston of visage, and stretching her
arms down rigidly at her sides. "This
is the way would foil the Williams"
rs that what you call it?" inquired
Mr.. s., nursing his knee and glowering
upon her. ut looks more as if YOU
were bidding against another woman
for secondhand hair sofa at an auction.
II that sort of thing is calculated to
foil william, he must be pretty light in
the waist"
II don't know" smiled Mrs. S., rub
bing her chin. "In all the plays l have
ever seen, they always drive the bad
man off with a naughty look. Say,
dear, isn't this the way to welcome
husband after long absence?" and she
parted her lips, gazed eagerly into space
and extended her arms.
That's the way to hail q street cart
grunted Mr.. S. eff you want to make
the welcome to the husband perfectly
natural, you ought to have a smell of
onions in the hall and your back hair in
your mouth. That's the kind of vel
come l always get"
"No you don't, either ~ protested Mrs.
5: Il always run right up to yon, and
kiss you!'
"Well, there's a smell of onions about
it somewhere, persisted Mr. S. What
makes you stick your arms out like
andlrons?' he demanded. You look
as if you were trying to keep off dog"
Anyhow, that's the way they do it."
argued Mrs. S., trife abashed. "Then.
when they get the letters telling them
that their uncle has specialized away all
their property, they do like this" and
Mrs. S. threw her hand to her forehead,
staggered back and caught hold of
chair.
(which does like that, the uncle or
the property?" asked Mr. S., ewing the |
performance with high disfavor. at |
looks something like the proper y at |
the tail end of the speculation, but it |
resembles more accurately the uncle |
buying lower berth for Canada"
Il meant it for the orphan who had |
been despoiled," murmured Mrs. S. |
Strengthening up and looking rather |
downcast. at was intended for an at |
titude of despair. How would YOU do |
it, this way?" and she sank into the |
chair, covered her face with her hands. |
and sobbed violently.
'If | wanted to give the impression |
OF tight boot and corn. 1 should do it |
just that way" growled Mr. S.
Should throw my arms forward lis |
leSsly and let IN Y head fall so ?' she in |
CURED, suiting the gesture to the ques-
ton
ETb 81. $500 IT.. - ,,
that play before might think Won were
counting the pieces for the washer |
woman, but the orchestra would under |
stand it."
II don't care" demonstrated Mrs. s.;
4 know L could act if got a chance. |
Now see me scOrn my lover when I find |
out that he loves me not and has been /
paying his addresses to the heireSs," |
and she threw her head back, stretched |
one arm out, and covered her face with |
pale cast of loathing.
THAT might do" said Mr.. S. slowly. |
1T looks to me like an attempt to bor- /
row $3.50. Stick out the other hand and |
make it five. l don't know, though" +
be continued, both arms would look /
like bring me me che-ld' 1 guess
you'd better stick to the original amount. /
L OC II OO AlOI &c APT W COueCI.
Perhaps you think I'd do better in
comedy" faltered Mrs. S., her spirit
dashed by adverse criticism. Now we
will suppose that I am the cook who
boiled the watermelon, and you, as the
master of the house, are enraged with
me. How will this do for the cooks at
titude of bewilderment and penitence? ?"
She struck comical attitude and gazed
aghast.
Don't. don't!' exclaimed Mr.. s.
burying his face in his hands and pre-
tending to be overcome with emotion.
1T IS beautiful Init it reminds me so
much of mothers death Please let up.
can't bear it ~ and Mr. S. sobbed aloud.
81 didn't intend it that way. dear"
sighed Mrs. s., embracing him tenderIv.
;, Forgive me but L thought l was acting
funny"
That's all right" snorted Mr.. S.. re-
covering himself with a jerk. You
talk about acting Look here, now; I'll
Just give you one passage, and let that
be the end of this whole business"
Mr.. S. arose, thrust one hand into the
breast of his coat, set his teeth tight and
srowled. Then he rolled his eyes around
and roared, "Ahap' Advancing one
DOT with the stamp of a elephant, he
;wung his arm around, and-crash
The mantle ornaments Law in a oorfuSa5