Daily Republican., 1884-07-30
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT


An auctioneer, who was selling the ef.
fects of a deceased gentleman, 1 will
offer you the library and to facilitate
matters the books have been arranged |
| In parcels of two or three books each,
similar in style. will first offer you
this package, containing two elegant
books, and how much am / offered 2"
What are the books ?" inquired a
voice from the crowd. The first IL a |
beautiful copy Of the Holy Scriptures,
the other an elegantly bound and rare
copy of the Lives Of the Women of
the Court of Charles H." Great and
tumultous laughter and applause en-
sued, during which the auctioneer
stood with amazement depicted upon
his couDtenance. WE'LL" said he,
az the laughter ceased, " tn ere APP
pears to be some great joke, but l can't
understand what it is" And the re-
newed birality puzzled him more than
the first.
"Tell me, good man," cried a farmer
in high state of excitement, rushing
up to the station agent at a little coun-
try village, "hasn't the train due here
at IL o'clock run off the track 2" "No,"
calmly replied the astonished railroad
employee. " Hash she broke an axle?"
No" "Nor collided with another
train ?" "No; but why do you ask P
Have you friends on it !" "Oh yes,
replied the desparing man. swell,
yon needn't be alarmed" came from
the innocent station man they're all
right" Needn't be alarmedr' ex-
claimed the Granger, mopping his
brow. "Well, l guess need be. I've
: got seven sound, non .dysreptic, eat
every thing-they -can-get city cousins
on that train, who expect to spend two
months at my house and II they are
. not blown up before the train reaches
here I lose all faith in the eff cacy OF
prayer, that's all %
| In the whist room Of fashionable
: club In Boston recently gentleman
; was told that he was wanted at the
telephone. "Oh, L can't be interrupt
cd now," he exclaimed as he led the
ace from long suit. Ask what ID
wanted" The boy returned in a few
moments and said "Your wife desires
, you to come home, and thinks you've
: been here long enough" There was
). loud smile, of course, and the called
= husband asked his partner, with 9
: Ishrug: "Do you have a telephone IN
4 your house?" "Yea," was the imme
p ldiate reply, but my wife can't worl
it,"
j. Yesterday afternoon a Newport man
'r sent his colored porter from his place o
business to his house with a finely bret
month. old Newfoundland pup, ;
/ lpresent from gentleman friend. TIL
y lady had some female company wheI
u the baby deg arrived. "Oh isn't h.
Just too cute for anything" exciaime'
one. "What's his name 2" aske'
another. " He hasn't got no name yit
missus:." " oh I'll call him 'Colonei!
\ exclaimed the wife. Yes, but, m issus
We KANT make no Kunnel out oD him
he hain't dat kind OBJ a dog" replies
the grinning darky.
"What is the price Of Boswell
=. Life of johnson p" asked man wit
III long nose and linen duster of tn
IN keeper of . bookstall on Hanover street
d: +" | notice you have copy outside.
81 can sell you that copy for fift.
4 Gents" said the dealer. 81 think
y will take it, said he of the nose
n lam engaged in making a collection G
y the lives O f our Presidents, and this G
~ the successor of Lincoln will make
e y, nearly complete. You sell very cheap.
re- " Yes, we sell very cheap sometimes.
ty said the dealer.
er She hadn't made up her mind abor
er it, and they were widely, OBJ! so widel
h. separated-in the parlor from eac
n, n. other, maybe as much as three fee
q There was a pensive silence fringe
e. with doubt between them. She wa
. engaged in deep meditation with herse
OF and was looking at nothingon the Hoo
~ when he said Melinda, why NJ
no. give me an answer to my proposal?
70 Why, 1 was just thinking how 20
ne will look when you get old" sh
thoughtfully replied.
A German gentleman of esthetic pr
= clivities recently sat in a London re-
taurant where Oscar Wilde occupied
table. Oscar called for bunch
violets, stuck his nose into them, inha
ed their perfume, and remarking, I"
have dined," paid his bill and passe
\ Iout. The German esthete reflected fl
~ moment and then ordered cake
hamburger cheese. After inhaling Il
Ia nerfume he exclaimed, 81, also, hi
er mittag gehaben," and followed Wild
er, A New York policeman in search I
nj a clubable citizen accidentally ra
al AGAINST suspicious looking Thing
Of 9" You look lost" said the policeman
nTbat,s me p said the Thing. Or
l6nd ytz. thin, retorted the policeman
Is Rut "a he reached for the Thing it mel
ed out of sight. Howly Moses Al
it's ghost ye are, thin, cried the di
gruntied officer. was, are, l a
not" answered sepulchral voice. -
am the hide of busted boom.
y, Two old friends met in Clark sire.
- car the other day, for the first time
. ten years. After the customary sh "a. i
of hands etc., one of them said to 9
al Iother {" What are you doing now
L-ImMao uWhy am lawyer. WIN