The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1884-12-31
Ii l~ajt|dliQet.ler
odiec' Nus. 10 and ~ Fourteenth Street.
ANEW ARIST0PHANES.

u JLtSGls
ANEW AR[ST0PHANES
a Dramatic Satire on New York soole,, b
M Unknown Author.
Philadelphia Pna.
ING cleverest satire on New York socle
. ~ and, by implication, on ull snobbisl,
hcss, has Just been perpetrated by nj
anonymous author, whose identity is 8,
iinpetetrably hid that tho publishers
Messrs. Funk Wagnalls, offer II prize o
$1,000 to tho person who shull successful,
solve tho %conundrum. Tho prize, how
ever, Is not to DO paid until un edition o
10000 copies have Observation-Disclosures
VINO mold 4 numbered coupon arc enti.
tied to tho chance. II tho merits of thr
poem havc any weight, IN edition even
larger might easily fail TO satisfy the dc,
maiid' "The Bunting BALI" az will be
seen ny the extracts which follow, Is notan
ordinary satire. II Is called a Grseo-
American play. In its construction Il
follows closely the type OF Sophokles'
Alas or one OF the A%ntigonean trilogy.
AZ times tho language is so severely
classical that 1t might have been written
ny tho bald.headed victim Of tho dropped
tortoise, or by him whose career ended
suddenly through the purple grape or by
INC mild pro-, Of the fierce dogs-"our
E%urlpidcs the human with his droppiprs
OF warm tears" but the spirit which turks
IN mock solemnity behind the buskined
choruses ind betrays itself in tho admir-.
abiy travesty Of tragic aikhomakhia u ia that
OF AristOphancs. No more cleyertake.or
has appeared since "Orpflec lux Enters"
and la Belle Helene" awoke tho rIsibles
Of gay Paris.
Alonzo Bunting, "a p%otcntate in pork,n
ms faithful spouse Anastasia, and their
only child, the heiress of their millions.
having returned Westward
Across AtlantIc's many.sound,uc dscp.
il.orlle safe between tho staunch CuUMricr's ribs.
"a'e'iuffowi'ig tcmpest-oailing, huge OF bulk,
and brought "a precious quantity Of
splendid gear" have hired for a twelve
month a Filth Avenue abode, and, inordcr
10 make tlleir way into society, have issued
cards for a grand ball. The scene opens
on tho momentous evening. Mrs. Bunt-
ing Is discovercd in tltcgorgcous drawing
room, and, by way Of classic prologue,
describes the occasion. Her speech con-
tains such gems OF wisdom rs these:
For she is pIliab!y low Of soul.
Who values not the holy clnlns OF dress,
~ attitudes OF sacrrdotAl awe.
hold that womnn most delectablo
Whu Walks IN paths beloved Of her nlohlihc,
Nor sins by wanton scosu Of say or ilounce.
The proper trail OF skirt, tit set Of sleeve,
My She alone hath need OF worthy ends.
Iays vanity It's lawful homage, iivts
%fgVGfent vOtary Of Seltcstcem,
AM uyiiis lnsSes with calm Vogue to where
Aites LIES iltiul fever she sleeps well.
Then Jane appears:
With six bouquets
sent by herself, II shape suicrblv clad.
!iG ~lustrous little slippers cleaning neat
below her g1lrb's Pnle miracle Of taste.
Ana over Ill her gold hRir. cOilrd Wnd curlcl
III architectural colnplcxity.
Jane asks her mother il she is not flaw
less, and her. mother replies that she
beams "a star OF modish naidenhood."
MIR. Buntling, wearing with pain apparel
isksome to rebellious limbs" enters and
affects to believe that, as the guests are in
vited ut ~. IL now ut IL none is come,
society has frowncd npon their u%pstart
endcayors. But Mrs. Bunting has bribed
The press, and she knows the attraction OF
terrapin and duck. So, even as they
wrangle, the guests appear and Alonzo
gree,s them with m apostrophe.
9 proud New York. that va, New Amsterdam,
How art thou fallen away from dignity!
alethinks Thy battery and thy Bowllus; Green
Should split In nnsercd earthquake ut thy shnmcI
thou, too, Indignant Peter, shOuldst arise,
4 shade win slim clay Pipe and ~licncous leg,
Of these thy b,xc dcscendntS, thom tint Ioyo
Gross pe!f anI pandcr to the %Iarvenu!
70. LOT such mn /, even such, nnd better tnr
me llOorliis ScythhLS, Westward pointed PROV
TEia my ny he % s,Isi. W. Sa! ns'asi S i@a'1 thh Hia si!1sr sslu,,a
Ind ~claslilts met. and wttestted OF sandy iIook0
The gent ships viSOr In tuin uliuoIs Wuyvsl
Thus were nyertcd this unseemly ra!i,
It's hollow and a6st,fed ktrfragaitc
Checked by the grim economy Of death!
Mrs. Runtlins sends her spouse to circu-
late among his guests, but lie complains
that they are not his guests, that he is like
Il cat in n strange garnet, 81 fish that leaves
his liquid realms" He exclaims, with
melancholy emotion: j
Already thrice my heated eountcnanrc
With handkerchief have | rerspiriuy moppcl.
but Mrs. Bunting retorts :-"Mop thou
thus not again. 'Tis execrable," and Mr..
Bunting, yearning to stand ''iree OF limb
in some salubrious bar-room OF Broadway,
with amber Bourbon at his elbow placed"
overhears a disconnected guest say to his
wife: "Let It's get hence" determined
himself "to gain the sweet municipal star
light" and seek shat bright hotel they
call the Hoffman House." Sad resolve,
traught with shipwreck later on.
Meantime n reporter interviews Mrs.
Bunting and wins that worthy woman's
praise by his "fiorid language" and FAC
curate description Of her DRESS" She
commands him to take his fill OF Iommery
See and, departing, uttcrs the hope that
the lawful future may hold for him IN
editorial chair"
Oh ccstacy (hc cries.,
Deep In my brea.t | henceforth hold that hope.
and Mrs. Bunting replies:
So wear It. None may truly p~ropEcsy. 9
Men arr but sporlivc drift on seas OF chance.
She is interrupted by a chorus OF Ma
nGuvring Mammals:
With subtle schcmIns
10. Our 6rhils arc tcvming,
~ No idle dreaming .
Our boSoms know. n
a. ...... Observers Willy .. .- 81
.Ip.f We notice Slyly, gN VIZ.
And value highly
'' The moneyed beau.
The nri Circean
Is now picbcian:
The spell Medsan
iiaS lost It's vogue;
but, smiling swcetly
And planning neatly,
We trap o implicitly
The careful rogue. -
a Before he guesscs
IhAt fond addresses
And light clrcsseS
May vows evoke,
Without II blunler,
As lawful plumber,
| ....f d.. | ~ ,,,,uI, li,, ,,NIn. . N. ...