St. Paul daily globe., 1884-04-05
SMITH, THE BORE.


fourishing married man.
s'By the way, said, after general ex-
change of yarns and experiences, 'just to
finish up with, tel me about our old friend
Smith, whom We used to call the Borc.'
My companion, Jones, laughed heartily at
the mention of the old name and said; ''But
do you mean to say you've never heard the
yarn! Well, l was very nearly letting 80
cat out Of the bag straight off, but is you e'l-
IDENTITY don't know anything about it, I'LL
your pipe again and I'll tell it to you Mind,
N's bit egotistical, but since you've asked
me to tell you the story, you mustn't accuse
me of blowing my own trumpet or OF talking
about matters w,Jch modest men generally
leave to other people to talk about. You'll
be astonished when you hear the end OF i"
So we refilled our pipes, and Jones began
seYou know that Smith was always great
friend of mine that is to say he and lunch
ed in the city every day atafamous old coach
ing inn in Bishopsgate street, which has some
time since gone the way of most OF the IA
nous old London coaching inns. Smith was
very good fellow, but he had weak point
and the undue prominence Ofthis weak point
at all places and under all circumstances
caused him to be looked upon as an insuffra-
BILE bore. However, as he possessed great
number of good points and as he was old
enough to be my father and held rather a
prominent position in the city of London
and could give me excellent advice and help
me materially in my upward struggles as
Junior partner in a young city house, ] wink
ed at Smith the Bore and stuck to Smith the
honest, experienced and good natured.
Smiths hobby was Roman England. Now
had it been anything else-say pictures, or
orchids, or old china, or curios-I should
not have been so unsympathctic, but as
was never of a very romantic disposition,
having been brought up from an carly age
in that most prosac and unsentimental OF
worlds, the city, Smiths interminable jargon
about Roman England at times even over
came my patience. As an instance of his
boring system, he would happen to light
upon name in the newspaper, say Tad
caster; down would go the paper and he
would start off:
''Tadcaster, dear me, Tadcaster The
ancient Calcaria, you know, of the timer
raries on the Carlisle branch of old Ernine
street. OF course you know how the Ermine
street ran. NO Well, it started from Dur
novaria, that is Dorchester, passed through
Sorbiodunum, Salisbury, by Andover and
Attrebatum, Slchester that is, thence over
Bagshot Heath by Bibractc, which is Egham,
Staines, to London. From London it went
through Hertfordshire, joined the present
North road at Puckerbridge and on by Bunt
ingford, Royston, Wendy and CaXton to God
manchester near Huntingdon, then called
Durolipons; thence by Water Newton, Duro-
brive; Castor, Duromagus; Stamford and
Gratham Here one branch goes on to LOd-
coin, the ancient Lndum and York, when,
the other, that with which we are interested
goes to Carlisle by Pontefract, Tadcaster and
SO on
s'Hc would detail every station, discussed
the disputed questions Of their whereabouts,
talked of the antiquities dug up until | was
fairly sick of 1t and heartily wished that the
Romans had stuck to the defense of their own
rotten empire instead of coming to England
in order to 90 away again and leave fuel be-
hind them to light the enthusiastic fires of
such bores as Smith.
cat last it was intolerabe. No matter
what topics of absorbing public interest were
in the papers no matter how seriously want
ed to talk with him upon business affairs,
Roman England asserted itself, and my
weakness in showing myself patient listen
er only served to fan his flame. So missed
one day at lunch, l missed two, and when [
met Smith in the streets, as L was sure to do
after these absences, | had to fabricate an
excuse and to make promise to be at the
usual place the next day, and when that next
came it may be imagined how had to bend
beneath a concentration of the bore which
aft fho
meals had missed. Atlength | resolved to
cut him altogether, and sneaked up and
down byways and alleys, for fear of meeting
him, like felon.
''I saw no more OF him for quite a year.
One day, however, in the month of July [
ethim.
''Why, Jones, old fellowr' he exclaimed,
shaking my hand heartily, 4 made sure that
you were dead, or that you had retired upon
your fortune, for hear your firm have been
making tremendous strides lately. Now, old
fellow, for the sake of Auld Lang Syne, take
pity ON me; Pm q lonely bachelor, as the
wife and daughter have gone to the seaside.
Come and dine with me, and I'll put you up
for the night-changed my address, you see-,'
''But the awful vision of many hours in
Roman England stood before my eyes in its
old horrible shape; and told him-and 1
hope as an act of self-defense that it has
been pardoned me that | was going to start
the next day for my holiday.
Later on, however, did 90 for my holi-
day, had been very hard-working during
the past year, and | felt in need of genuine
rest and, and recreation-that rest and rec
reation which are denied those who employ
their annual breathing space in hurrying and
scurrying over countries and towns at light
V-bo &c in,
packing and unpacking, in catching steamers
and trains in squabbling with landlords and
paving long bills.
Il found what I needed at BoulOgne,
where had as much gayety or solitude as I
chose, the finest of air, and was within easy
hail of business; and very thoroughly en-
joyed myself. Time sped by very pleasantly.
Everybody knows that bathing at Boulogne
in our Englishman's sense of the word is
dangerous That is to say, there is nasty
under-tow out about in a line with the sand
bar at the jetty head, which has proved fatal
to many a strong swimmer and strong swim
ming therefore is almost out of the question,
although the patrons of the bob-up-and-down
stand-in-a-circle style of bathing are as safe
here as anywhere else.
He who thinks to have good breather
against the dancing, crested waves is de-
ceived, as the notes Of the guardan's tin
horn warn him directly he starts outward.
II was walking on the the jetty one fine
bright morning after my bath, thinking of
nothing in particular, unless it were the lob
ster and outlet panee breakfast awaiting me
in the Restaurant de la Jetee, when heard
the sweetest of voices almost in my ear
''Well. mamma, it's time to bathe, so
come along!"
Il naturally turned round and beheld one
of of the fairest, freshest specimens of Eng
Esh girlhood that had ever even imagined
or seen depicted on canvass. She was dress