The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1884-11-21
THAT BORE SMITH.

GDO1lI pIll1 IL.
, l had just returned from a long resi-
dencc in China, and l was smoking u pipe
with an old friend OF mine whom I liat
left II spruce young bachelor, and was now
q staid, ilourishing married man.
"By the Way said, after q general ex'
change OF yarns and experiences, "iust tc
finish up with, tell me about our old friend
Smith, whom we used to call the Bore
My companion, Jones, laughed heartily
at the mention OF the old name, and said
"But do you mean to say you've never
heard the yarnP We'll, | was very nearly
letting the cat on. Of the bag straight of,
but as you evidently don't know any
thing about it, fl! your pipa again and
III tell it you. Mind, it's u bit egotistical,
but since you've asked me to tell you the
story, you mustn't accuse me Of OF blow
ing my own trumpet, or OF talking of mat
tees which modest laen generally leave to
other people to talk about. You'll he as
tonished when you hear the end OF it."
So We reiilled our pipes and Jones be-
gan. J
"You know that Smith was always \
great friend OF mine, that is to say he and
| lunched together i'll the city every day
ut u famous old coaching inn in Bishops
gate street which has some time since
gene the way OF most OF the famous old
London COUGHING inns. Smith wash very
good fellow, but lie had y weak point, and
the undue prominence OF tlIls weak point
ut all places and under NIL circumstances
caused him to be looked upon as IN in.
susFerable bore. However, Us he possess
ed a great number OF good points, and rs
he was old enough to DO my iatlier and
held rather 4 prominent position in the
city OF London, and could give me excel.
ent advice and help me materially in my
upward struggles as junior partner in a
young city house, | winked nj Smith the
Bore, and stuck 10 Smith the honest, ex-
periencsd, and good uatured.
Smiths hobby was Roman England.
Now, had it been anything eise-say pic:
lures, or orchids, or Old china. or curios-
! should not have been SO unsyn1pathctic.
but rs was never OF a very romantic dis
position, having been brought up from an
early ago III that most prosaic und unsenti-
mental OF worlds, the city, Smiths inter-
minable iarcon about Roman England at
times even overcame my patience. As an
instance Of his boring system he would
happen to light upon Il name in a news.
papers. say Tadcas,cr; down would 90 the
paper and he w%ouldEtart off:
"'Tadcaster, dear me, :Tadeaster. The
ancient Caicaria, you know, Of the timer
aries, on the Carlisle branch OF old En-
niue street. OF course, you know how
the old Ermine street ran. No? Well,
it started from Durnovariu, that is Dor
chester, passed through s0rb!odunum,
Salisbury, by Andovef and Caileya Attire
batum, Silchester that is, thence over Bag
shot Heath by Bibracte, which is Egha,n.
Strains, to London. From London it
went through ller;fordshire, joined the
present North Road at pucSeridge, and
on by B%untinsiord, Royston, Wendy, and
Caxton to Godnanclester near Hunting
don, then called Durolipons; thence by
Water Newton, Durobriye; Castor, Duro-
magus; Stamford and Grinlham. Here
one branch goes on to Lincoln, the an.
cient ~linduul, and York, while the other,
tina. with which We are interested, goes
to Carlisle by P~ondoiract, T'adcaster, and
so on.
"IIe would detail every station, discuss
ed the disputed questions OF their where.
aboutS, talked OF the antiquities dug tip,
until I was iair!y sick OF it, and heartily
wished that the Romans had stuck to the
defense OF their own rotten empire instead
OF coming to England in order to 20 away
again and leave fuel behind them 10 light
the enthusiastic fires OF such bores as
Smith. He had been at the trouble to
draw q map OF Roman England, with the
four great roads delineated in different
colors, and this map he always carried
about with him and brought out so read
lily that l almost had to pick my words
and to avoid mentioning any names into
the composition OF which the syllables
easter or street" entered, for fear OF
giving him an excuse for unfolding his
piece OF paper.
at last 1t grew intolerabie. No matter
what topics OF absorbing public interest
were in the papers, no matter how seri-
ously | wanted to talk with him upon
business affairs, Roman England asserted
itself, and my weakness in shown. N.Y.
self a patient listener only served to fan
his flame. So missed one day at lunch,
I missed two, and when ! met Smith in
the streets, as | was sure to do after these
absences, | had to fabricate an excuse
and to make a promise to be at the usual
place the ext day; and when that next
day came. it may be imagined how | mad
to bend beneath a concentration OF the
bore which should have been flung upon
me at tho meals l had missed. At length
| resolved to cut him altogether, and
sneaked up and down byways and alleys
for fear OF meeting him like Il ielon.
"I.saw no more OF him Tor quite a year.
One day, however, in the month OF July,
l met him.
"'Why, Jones, old fellow! heexclaimed,
shaking my hand heartily, 4 made sure
that you were dead or that you had retired
upon your fortune, ior | heard your firm
have been making tremendous strides
lately. Now, old fellow, for the sake OF
Aud Lang Syne, take pity on me; I'm a
lonely bachelor, US the wife and daughter
have gone to the seaside. Come and dine
will, me- and III put you up Tor the night
changed my address, you see.'
"But the awful vision Of many hours in
Roman England stood before my eyes in
its old horrible shape, and | told him
and l Il hope as an act OF seli-defense:that it
has been pardoned me-that | was going
to start the next day for my holiday.
Later on, however, / did 60 for my
holiday. I had been very hard worked
during the past year and l ielt in need OF
genuine rest and recreation-that rest and
recreation which are denied those &ho
employ their annual breathing space in
hurrying and scurryins over countries
and towns at lightning pace, and whose
time is occupied In pacsin. and unpack-
ing, in catching steamers and trains, in
s~quabbling with landlords and paying
long bills.