News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-11-13
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TIA
CAUSES US TO SMILE.
An After Efect-AbOut the Prcseryes-A
Terror TO Teachers-An Uncertain hAatloE
He WINS Reckless, ETC.. Etc.
TRIALS OF THE ANGLoMANIAo.

! TRIALS OF The
81 see they had an eclipse OF the
moon in Europe night before last,
Alphonso."
'Yaas, I don't doubt it. Deah me,
they have everything in Euwope. we
nevah get anything heah until 1T is al
worn out ovah theah. I suppose we'll
be getting them along in a year or SO.
It's such boah, though, to wait. -
| Chicago Ne,OS.
THOSE PRESERVES.
"Mrs. Dexter, did you put mp there
preserves?",
eyes, sir, flatter myself did"
"Quite task, I should say, madam T.
"From present observation 1 should
infer that it was much more of task
for me to put them up than it is for you
to put them down."
| AN AFTER EFFECT.
"Look here, Bridget" said a Van
Ness avenue matrou to her cook the
other day, ST really can't allow you to
have company in the kitchen every
night"
"It's all along of the terrible fire in
Chicago, mum"
"What on earth has that got to do
with it?'
"Why, mum, ever since then I do be
afraid of fire, so that l have one of the
boys from the engine house round the
corner come and sit with me evenings.
IT do make me feel more comfortable
like, somehow. San Francisco Post.
HIS SALARY REDUCED.
81 shall be compelled to reduce your
salary. Mr.. johnson, until cold weather
sets in" said mean employer to his
bald-headed bookkeeper.
."Why ?'' asked the old fellow, with
sinking heart.
"Because I notice that a large por-
ton of the time which should be devoted
to my service is spent by you In lighting
flies off the top of your head.
so RECKLESS.
"What are you going to do with
that ?" asked gentleman upon enter
ing his room md finding negro with
his coat. "Dis coat ?" ''Yes, that coat +
"Wall, / amt goin' ter do nothin' wild
dis coat. Thought dar wuz suthm'
wrong" "There is something wrong.
You are in the wrong place, and L want
you to get out" "Ain't yer gwinter
;ploy me no MOP" "No, l am not. "
"Dat's whut er man gifts fur being SO
kereful. Hadn't er been fur me yer
wouldn't er had no clothes" "How
SOP" cease I could er stole 'em If L
had er wanted ter; dat's bow So" IL
believe you did steal my vest. didn't
do nothin' O. de kim" 81 believe you
did steal that gray vest, for it disap-
peared shortly after you came" "lt
wuz de black vest, sab. White mans SO
reckless wild de truf yer kahn put no
conferdence in him. ."-Arkansd1o IrdU-
eler.
QUEER HUMAN NATURE.
"Isn't it lovely day ?"
Delightful. 1feel magnificent:
$50 dol Inever felt better in my
life."
"Let's take drink"
"This is awful weather.
"Awful J.
"Makcs me feel miserable.
eyes. it gives me the blues.
"L,et's take drink. ."-PittsbWr9 Tel
egrdph.
AN UNCERTAIN MATTER.
"Do you think you will remain IN
Cs.nnda long p
81 hardly knew. shall for the pres
ent at least. 1t depends upon circum-
stances.
'TWhat circumstances, pray?"
"Upon whether they abolish the ex-
tradition treaty or not. "-Graphdc.
NOT MUCH CHOICE.
"Wlll You have some butter or some
oleonargarine ?" asked the facetious
boarder.
"What did we have yesterday ?" asked
the thin boarder.
II don't know"
"Well, if we had butter give me oleo-
margarine, and if it was oleomargarine
I'll take butter"
TERROR TO TEACHERS.
Young Clipman suddenly returns from
school. "Why," exclaims his father,
shave you come back?" aside to by
stander.) "He whips every teacher he
has anything to do with. Got the old
Clipman blood in him."
ooh, I couldn't get along with the
teacher" replies the young man.
81 don't know what's to become OF
you. Why, sir, you are terror to
teachers. You whipped him, Isuppose p
"No, sir; he whipped me-"
THE MUSICAL BLOCK.
Hark and oh hear, the piano is banging
(Sonnet and canticle, chant and gee);
The fellow upstairs his guitar is atwanging,
The children are singing jubilee.
lust over the way there's banjo, think,
With its "Pink-a-punk-pank, punk, pink, pank,
pink"
And down at the corner the man with the mute
Is rending the night with tootle-too-toot.
And DOM pah- -pah oom, pah-pah, bra-a, bra-a,
boom
The brass band is practicing up in its room.