Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-01-14
Handy bookmarkers-Dirty fingers.

Handy bOOkmarkerS-Dirty fingers.
About the only troubles that comes SIN
gle are fussy old maids.
Are marriages in parlor cars to be con-
sidered as railroad ties?
Our Babies-With all their faults we
love them still, not noisy.
'Hurry, mamma said the little inno-
ceut with his cut finger, "it's leaking.
1t is pleasant to find four-leafed clov-
er, but beware of the poison " plant.
With women trade dollar is like dry
goods show window-they cannot pass it.
The biggest cabbage heads are not al
ways the best, but they have the largest
hearts.
A plumber has joined theatrical COM
pany. His speciality will be preparing
the bills.
What is the most hopeless riddle in the
world? Human life, because everybody
must give it up.
Generous to fault is sometimes
said of men who really are generous only
to their own faults.
''Anna, what must you do before every
thing else to have your sins forgiven?"
Commit the sins"
A man with bibulous nose can be said
to have a wry face. For "wry" read
frye" and there you are.
Old Beeswax: ''No, sir; never contra
dict lady. It's a waste of effort. Just
give her time and she'll do it herself
81 seall give you ten days or ten dol
lars" said the Judge. Gan right" said
the prisoner, 'Ill take the ten dollars"
Happiness am often a roostin' on de low
er limb, vile we am barkin' our shins
pokin' bout to fin it in de top OBJ de tall
tree.
An exchange tells us that Boston girls
never giggle. They merely express theil
delight by a dreamy, far away North
| pole smile.
''Eat onions, sis,'' is the Boston Posts
advice to young lady who wants tc
know how to avoid having a moustacht
on her upper lip.
An exchange says that Victor Hugo
suffers from ennui. That's perfectly
proper. Who has better right to suffel
from ennui than Frenchman?
A Lowell man had his head fractured
by bath-tub falling upon him. This viii
teach him hereafter not to fool around {
contrivance that he is not familiar with
Kept her word.-"If 1 thought 1 wa
going to become gray, know l shoult
die!" exclaimed Miss Springle. Whel
she turned gray she did dye sure enough
An old bachelor asserts that the bes
and quickest way to revive lady whel
she falnts is to begin to take down he
hair. If it amt her own, she will grab
in a jiffy.
"You are an idiot" angrily exclaime,
a domineering wife. $50 my friend
said when 1 married you," replied tn
husband. And she became more infuri
ated than ever.
The Empress of Russia has just order
ed fur-lined, acknowledgement cloak
at cost of $43, 900. Of course, you vii
cut out this paragraph before you Civ
the paper to your wife to read.
A spoony Manchester lawyer enthusin
over his sweetheart, styled himself tn
''plaintiff in the suit for her hand. sAn
when you are married you will be the de
fendant," replied the matter of-fact lis
tener.
Two little sisters, aged six and eigt
respectively, were discussing lesson
botany the other day. ''Mamma,' e,
claimed Besa, ssdo flowers really hay
pistolsl" ''Of course they do" sal
Grace, the younger, sto shoot of the
perfume with
Mrs. Summerbreeze's new girl VIZ
told to ''watch that turnover while hi
mistress ran across the street." Whe
the lady returned, the turnover was burr
ed to crisp, and the girl remarked
"Shure, I've watched it, mum; but
hasn't turned over YETI
The story is told of Senator ''Ze
Vance, of North Carolina, that soon q
ter his second marriage he remarked
his bride: ''My dear, I'm stubborn ft
low, and you may anticipate troubl
Now, in the beginning, while l am su
missive, want to give you one piece
advice. If you follow it, We'll get
mighty well. 1t is this: Make me do ia
as / darned please"