Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-11-21

ramento, One aft, at rehearsal, 1 got
note from lawyer saying she had got
divorce from me, and 1 didn't bother any
more about it. L suppose it was all
right"
"That won't do. You've got to show
copy of the decree before you can get
license here" Noticing that the applicant
looked little downhearted the deputy
cheeringly remarked ''You can write to
the county clerk at Colusa and he'll send
you copy for 81 50. You are ia no hurry
are you ?''
I'VE intended tn get married this aft,''
was the reply. "but [ suppose it will have
to be put off. -
''I'm sorry for you" Mr.. Cooke feeling.
ly replied, ''but it can't be belped.''
"a few days won't make much differ
ence any way" was the response of the
unfortunate actor as he walked out, clos
ing the door after him. In minute or so
he returned, and again accosting the dep
uty. whispered: ''Say, the dame Pm
going to marry is in the same boat She
amt got no decree neither. Will my copy
do for both p
sob, no, she'll have to show her papers
too.''
That's an alagasunda,' gasped the
crushed tragediaH. 81 guess We'll have
to let the thing go to- oakland (Cal.)
Times.
WANTED HIS LIFE INsURED.-An old
darkey struggled painfully into a New
York insurance offico and said:
IAN dis de place, sab, whar dey 'sures
lifes ?''
Yes" he was told.
"Well, want ter git my life 'sured dis
berry day TO- 20 years.
But you are too old, unce.'
''Deed Use old; Use seventy-seven."
''And in very feeble health.''
"Boss, I'ss purity far gone. De ole
oman SEE can't las much longer.''
"WelI. we can't insure man in your
condition"
''Sah 2"
81 say we can't insure man like you.
We only take risks on men in good health
and who have apparently long life be-
fore them"
Am dat fac ?''
Certainly"
"Doan' say nuthia' mo-, l Sc an old
man, but hain't er fool, boss. If was
young, wild good health, dye s'pose I'd
ask yer sure my life. W 'en We gifts ready
to drap off is de time ter git 'sured. En-
nybody can sure er mans life wen he's
young. doan b'lieve in dis yere 'surance
enyhow. Wen de guide Lord wants er
man he's going ter reach fer him. GUIDE
mawnin', boss. blieves yer wud steal
chickens, deed do
A BRIDE WHO DIDN'T NEED ANY
ADvICE.-A rather green-looking couple
entered the Office of an East Side justice
them in marriage.
At the conclusion of the ceremony the
Justice in his vast experience gave them
few words of advice.
After he had explained to the young
man his duties as husband, &C., he
turned to the bride.
He told her how she should conduct
herself, that she must look to her husband
for everything and. forsaking father and
mother and brother and sister, follow him
wherever he went.
She stood it pretty we'll for a little
while, but as he became eloquent she be-
came FESTIVE, and finally she interrupted
him with the remark:
''Cut that short, jedge, I've been mar
ried twice BEFORE"
"Why is that cup of tea like Truth ?''
asked the head of the family, pointing to
the cup of tea by the side of his plate
"Tee-hee !" giggled bis wife: II don't
know. Why is it ?" ''Because its My-tea,
and will preva il'' Then his wife looked
sorrowful, and asked him what he had
been drinking.
Creditor-'.Look here, now, do you
know that I've called no less than ten
times to collect this bill Don't you sup
pose I've got anything else to do than to
be running around after my money from
such fellows as you ?'' Debtor-'[t does
seem hard, but don't know what you
can do unless you charge it to the running