St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1884-04-26
The Homemade Dude.
:" Do they make you tired?"
6 Well. | should hnmr'

8 Wen, should hum!'
The question and its metaphorYcal
but vigorously expressive answer were
inspired by the presence of q Detroit
dude "a genuine specimen of the species)
in a Griswold street barber shop The
person who proposed the question was
gentleman who subsequently ex-
planned that the sight of dude or even
adudeling (who merely parts his hair
in the middleJ, had almost as marked
an effect on him as water has on dog
affected with hydrophobia.
It cit quite a procesh of them things
in my chair" continued the barber,
with a curious nervous movement "a
cross between chuckle and a shudder
--tbut jest as soon's warm weather
comes I'm goin' to rattle 'em out, now
don't you forget it,
"WhyP Are they not profitable Gus
tomers?''
'sNot much! There's that little Teller
that jest went out. We call him Lizzie
here in the shop-when he amt around
because he's more like a girl goin' to
her first ball than a man. [ don't
'spose he's more'n twenty years old,
but his git-up's killer. He come in
here the night of the swell skatin' party
at McQuade rink, with claw-ham-
mer coat on under taller (new-market
you know, that pretty nearly dragged
on the ground, a white handkerchief
spread out under his vest, and the
darndest toothpicky pair of toothpick
shoes on ever got onto-and I've seen
some tough ones in my time I was
waitin' on a customer, and so this Teller
he set down in that very chair you're in
now, hauled out one-eyed eye-glass,
stuck it into his right eye, screwed up
the right-hand corner of his mouth and
made out s if he was a readin. Mr..
Merryweather, there, laughed SO much
he's been sick ever sence.
when got through with my regu-
lar customer | tried TO fish up an ex-
cuse to git out of the shop, but the dude
got onto me and | was stuck. had
TO bang his hair, then part it down the
middle little ways and then plaster it
and bring the ear-locks forward. After
that he wanted q hand-glass. and then
had to arch up his eyebrows, which he
wouldn't let me do till he'd stuck that
One-eyed glass in again"
''Well, you made at least dollar on
the iob?''
''Got jest twenty-five cents. why,
every time that teller and his kind come
around they want the ends of their hair
trimmed and don't never want to pay
more n ten cents for it, either.''
What is your observation with re-
spect to the intellectual strength of men
who part their hair in the middle?'
ooh, that depends We cit Canucks
and Englishmen here sometimes who
do that and yet who seem to have horse
sense; but when it comes to our own
country folks (Americans, mean not
Africans the fellers that part their
hair in the middle don't amount to a
hill of beans can't talk about anything |
but clothes and hair oil. with n0w'n |
then an exception bout gals. Never /
saw one of them cusses that didn't /
think every gal he knowed was dead |
gone on him. and I'll bet money not one
of 'em could tell to save his soul when |
the Mayfower come over or whether |
Abe Lincoln or Bismarck issued the |
emancipation proclamation.
Here Mr.. Merryweather seized the
to remark that ''none o
them dudes dast go to the roller skatin' I
Kinks for fear all the ladies d be after
5em to skate to fast music, and that d |
sweat their bangs all out.
'sS-s-s-h!'' commanded the boss as an
other dudelet swung open the door and I
came simpering along to the enemy's
chair.
The boss winked wickedly. Mr..
stuffed one fist into his
mouth, the historian of the episode paid
for two weeks shaves and the curtain
dropped. Detroit Free Press.