Connecticut western news., 1884-03-19
WIT AND WISDOM.
Two FOR A scent-The nostrils.

ing wit.
 WE never iniure our own characters so much as when we attack those of others.
 TIE experienced merchant now plants his spring advertisements in some good family paper.
 RICHES often take wings, and tho feathers of these wings are to be seen on women's bonnets.
 To LOOK forward prohtably we must look back. Experience of the past is the best light for the future.
 THERE is e wide field of distinction be- tween the lucky rich and the deserving rich. h.-Hartford Sunday Journal
 MANY . Presidential boomlct
 That now boreth gods and men,
 Will be in its little tomblet When the robins nest again.
 IT is now believed that Courtney is the author of that beautiful elegiac poem be- ginning: "Aifliction's oar long time he bore"
 MAuD-Did you enjoy your holiday at the Blinkards2 Augustus-I suppose I did, as I've had violent indigestion ever since.
 A SOFT answer turneth away wrath, but this is no reason why a man should be continually exclaiming "mush" while his wife is scolding him.
 AN Arabian sage being asked of whom he had learnt virtue, replied: "of the wicked, for their crimes inspired mo with distaste for vice"
 A FOOLISH philosopher, who evidently experimented on his own wife, says that when "a woman's eyes no longer brighten at loved ones coming" she is old.
 "How DOES it happen, doctor, 1" asked Lawyer Coke, "that so few of your pa- tients recoverP" Probably" quickly replied Dr. Bolus, "for the same reason that so few of your clients recover"
 ''Ir is a beautiful thing to see hus- band and wife of one mind" remarked Mrs. Fogg. "Yes," replied Fogg; "but, then, it makes good deal of difference who carries the mind"
 A GEORGIA man climbed three flights of stairs to whip an editor, and came down on the lightning-rod with his clothes half torn from his body. He al- ways subscribes for the paper in advance now.
 IN all the time that General Sherman was in Washington he never kissed Mary Walker. This proves the superi- ority of the bloomer costume. If she had been impeded with skirts the Gen. eral would have caught her the first day.
 A YOUNG man who had been going with a Vermont girl for some time, and had made her several presents, asked her one day if she would accepta puppy. He was awful mad when she replied that her mother had told her if he pro- posed to her to say no.
 THERE is said to be an old gentleman in this city so fond of music that he can not keep his foot still. Only the other night a young man began to serenade his daughter, and the way the old fellows foot didn't keep still is reported to be a caution. Philadelphia Call.
 TIE King of Siam wants twenty or thirty American officers to reorganize and take command of his army. Siam should shout for colonels in m American barroom. If they would not take com mand for him, hundreds of them would take something else.-Ncto Orleans Picawme.
 A MAN in Terre Haute, who recently secured a divorce from his wife, now employs her as his servant girl, and she has more money and better clothes than when she was his wife. If some men would treat their wives as they do their servant girls there would be fewer divorees. s.--7eras SJtings.
 TIE mistress of n house said to n young servant girl: "AIaria, go see if Mir. Scott, the pork butcher, has pigs feet" The servant girl departed and returned a few moments later. "Please, ma'am, don't know; I couldn't sec. !" "But what did you say ?' "I didn't say anything. I looked at Mir. Scott-he had boots on.
 A REGENT advertisement reads as fol- lows: "If the gentleman who keeps the shoe store with red head will return the umbrella of young lady with whalebone ribs and m iron handle to the slate-roofed grocer's shop he will hear of something to his advantage, as the same is the gift of deceased mother now no more, with tho name engraved on it."
 TIE story comes from Paris that a lady who attended four churches in one day missed her umbrella on returning home. She immediately revisited all four churches mud found her umbrella in the last one. When the umbrella wai handed to her she thankfully said to the sexton: "The people at this church are much more honest than those at the others"
 "How PITY the poor such n night as this !' said Blande, as he sat in his com. fortable apartment. "Then why, asked Bluff, ''don't you put on your coat and go out and see if you cannot render as' sistance to some of them ?" "Ah !" res piled Blande, "then I shouldn't be so comfortable as I am now, md I might forget the poor md begin to pity my self. That would be selfish, you know. . -BoStoH TFdreiier.
 MmK.-In the course of 2 recent lee.