The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-10-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

80, where shall we find contentp"
walls a magazine poet He should in
vite homely girl to polish off a couple
of quarts of ice-cream with him.
'.Annex Canadar' cried the bank
Cashier. Heavens, no; l hope not.
1t would just take away all chances of
success in my professionr r'-LoaoeU Citi-
zen.
girls name? She looks very awkward
and rustic at this garden party" 81
don't know exactly. but | should say
she was Miss Fit"
Innocent wife-.'What do you mean.
Charlie. by 'straddling blind! l
should think it was so much easier to
ride rail. if that is way you have of
initiating men at the club.
'.In what condition was the patri-
arch Job at the end of his life?" asked
Sunday-school teacher of a quiet
looking boy at the foot of the class.
Dead" calmly replied the boy.
1t is wonderful how prolific the poets
become during a campaign year, es-
pecialiy if there is a wet Spring. A
wet Spring acts on poets rs it does on
{ squashes fills them with sap.-At-
laHtd Constitution.
The census of a boarding-schooI of
forty eight girls showed that one could
make bread. one knew how to fry
oysters three knew how to broil beef
steak. forty-eight could embroider. and
forty-seyen dance.
..There is nothing impossible to the
determined spirit" says y philosopher.
Evidently that philosopher never tried
to reach up behind his shoulder to get
hold of tho end of a broken suspender.
-Scn.erUtl3e Journal.
1t is mean father who as early as
11:3O ut night will scare his daughter
from her Alphonso's arms by yelling
from the top of the stair, Sarah. wind
mp tho clock. 1t must have run
down. Philadelphia COL.
Young men, it isn't always the girl
who looks loveliest in the soft. sweet
shadows of the darkening twilight who
takes that beauty with her in the grim.
gray morning, as she wrestles with u
kitchen stove.-Merchant TrdUetler.
81 haven't had Il bite for two days"
pleaded tramp. us it possible?
answered the woman. with sympathy.
..Tll see what can do for You in the
way of a bite. Here, Tige-Tige-"
The tramp broke So gate getting
away.
Her father is nothing but q raiser
of calves, anyway" remarked a young
man contemptuously of u girl who had
Tilted him. ''Yos." replied his COM
panion. Il heard that he lifted you off
the steps several times. Burlington
Free Press.
- iof
all-around 'srustler," known rs Black
beds below Cebello with bullet hole
through his head. The Coroner's jury
returned a verdict of "killed by a
thunderbolt from heaven" ."-DakotG
Blizgdrd.
An eastern family received tele-
gram from the west announcing the
sudden demise of relative. and they
replied: Send on the remains at
once" No telegram was received in
answer, but in few days letter came,
saying simply: There amt no re-
mains. He war kicd by a mul. IN
y Dial
She is as old as her husband. but she
eonceals the dreadful fact. She said
one day: 'My husband is 40. There
him and mvself" And the friend was
mean enough to reply: "Is it possibleP
Why. declare to gracious you look to
be as young as he is.'' They do not
speak now.
Tho delay of three weeks in the
issuance of the City Directory was
caused by the 'pieing" of the last
signature The last take, Szyman
Zydorczak, was more than slug TX.
would stand; lie demanded rule and
figure rates, and being refused. kicked
the stufling out of the form. Cinci,l-
natl San.
A young Wall-street business man
has written n four-act melodrama
founded on incidents in the recent fin
ancial panic. We have not seen it, but
it probably runs about this way: First
scene. Wall street; second scene, de-
tectives' office; third scene, railway
depot; subsequent scenes. palatial
mansion in Canada. Philadelphia Call.
The wages of gang of Italian labor
ers near Saratoga were recently cut
down 10 cents day. Instead of
striking they cut an inch off their
shovel blades at night The boss
asked what it meant, and one of the
men replied: '.Not so much pay, not
so much dirt lift; all right. job last the
more long; Italian no fool; he no
strike"
Enter Bridget with ten-by-twelve
mirror, from which part of the quick
silver has been scratched, in her hands.
and the pallor of mortal fear on her
countcnancc. ''Oh. if We phase. mum.
the boar.i fell off The back of this. and
/ see ii was all covered with frost, but
whin | went 10 scrapc it off. sure and
it showed me hand instead of me face.
This counthrv is too cowld for me in
toirely. y.'-La,per' Bd9dr.
A newly-married couple from Way
back saun.ered into downtown
restaurant and the blushing bride al
lowed that she would try n few CLANS.
''What kind of clams?" asked the
waiter. Little Necks?" ''Naw. sir. -
Interrupted the groom. ave air on
our weddin' tower, young man, and
for two or three days money ain't
a-goin' to be no object with me.
Bring US big-heck clams-the biggest
you've got"
Snifkins had come home rather late,
and when about half way up the first
flight had concluded he would just as
soon sleep there rs anywhere. but Mrs.
S. appeared at the top and began
jacob No answer. Jacob, don't
you hear me call you?" .'Yesh, m
dear. Nothin' but two pair, SKIS up
And somehow the next morning he
couldn't seem to persuade her that he
had been at the store balancing the
books.-Bostols Post.
A writer in the Providence Journa
says 1--WE must wait until 1892 for
Jupiter's next perihelion. Well, i
we must we must, though it seem:
pretty rough. We don't suppose The
writer could induce Jupe to perihelt
next yearP There may be two or three
persons right here in this town wht
wouldn't murmur greatly if Jupiter
were to defer the exhibition until 18,
920. They would he willing to wait