Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

VOL, XII.
TRIBUNE TWlNKLE4.
No one ever refers to the missed.aches OF Job.
He never missed any. .s.
"oH, mamma! Hear papa purr." The good
man was softly snoring.
A MINNESOTA editor kept a mob out of his
office by barring the door with the office towel.
"WHo will mourn for Logan when he finds he
is left ?"-New Yo1k journal. Mrs. Logan will.
PLEADING papers of America" are becoming
almost as numerous as greatest shows on
earth"
AKENTucKY editors breath il 80 impregnated
with whisky that every time he sneezes the at
mosphere gets drunk.
EASTERN papers are condemning the comic
valentine. They must have got it put to them
stronger than ever this year.
An acoordeon playing match for $5O SIDE
will take place in New York next week, II the
players succeed in eluding the police.
THE onlv benefit derived from the floods lies
in the fact that they have attracted public At
tention away from congress for brief period.
raoA
Governor Ordway of writing "The Bread Win
ne1s. They are not depraved enough for that.
MAIDEN in Texas has confessed that she is
100 years old, but great guns how she Is going
for the priest for exposing the secrets OF the
confessional!
FoR once the New York editors are puzzled;
nonplussed; bewildered; dazed; all broke up.
tramp plumber has been arrested in that city
for vagrancy.
Two Yonkers N. Y, men are engaged in
b.. baked bean eating match for prize. The Bos-
ton School of Foo!osophy is watching th econtest
with breathless interest.
IT is rumored that Bessie Turner is going on
the lecture platform. She will be remembered
a. portion Of the properties used by Tilton IN
his great sleep walking act.
BISMARCK woman says she can put her baby
to sleep in two minutes by singing "sweet Vlo-
let's" The knowing little one probably stelgns
sleep to get her to stop the music.
BEEoHER says he could be happy and content
ed as the editor of newspaper in some western
eown. Some men are eternally graspinR and
lSnging for higher sphere in life.-
= JUST about this time Noah is sitting around IN
the promised land Watching the southern floods
, and telling new comers of the sort of floods
they use1 to have when he was on deck.
LOUISVILLE man is laboring under the hal
luoinaton that his boots are filed with $40 gold
nieces, Some fortunate distiller seems to have
J hit upon the right grade Of whisky at last.
: CABLE. the novelist, visited Mark Twain and
was at once taken sick. The particular jvke
which Mark fred at him so effectually will prob
ably never be known. No publisher would dare
to print it.
RECENT cut of Tilden in the eastern papers
failed to attract particle of notice. Readers
simply gave 1t sweeping glance, and suppos'ng
it to be Before Taking" cut with patent
medicine advertisement, passed it by.
AN English nobleman now travelling in the
east has offered his heart and band to SER
want girl, and the papers are limiting at the fact
that he must have found out what wages che ls
getting, However, it may possibly be genuine
love match.
BISMARCK young man received a letter from
his girl back in Pennsylvania in which she said:
sOh hunny my Lof for You invillops Mi hart in
Chanes of golden Fier And swamps mi sole in a
see of Roasy blis." The case Is more serious
than he thought it was.
STANLEY Huntley archly bows his eyebrows
and naively asserts that out here in Dakota the
vorshlppers in the far end of the church threat
an to shoot the preacher unless he epeaks loud
er. Will the vile tongue of slander never
down? We all sit up ON the first two or three
! front seats.
A WRITER on the subject OF whales says: AS
has already been pointed out, there are many
points in the structural organization OF the Get
ocean visoera far more like those of the ungu-
\ lates than the carnivores.' That must be what
smelled so badly about the whale that was on
| exhibition some time since.
Two small boys having in their possession
/ book entitled: THE Adventures and Exploits
of Frank and Jesse James" and q single-barrel
pistol were arrested at Niagara Falls while on
their way west. And yet we Of the west never
fully appreciate the services Of the brave deteo-
4 tives who are ever standing between Us and
these threatened dangers.