The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1884-10-23
Why Men Do Not Marry.

Inc marriage market mas become an
arena of competition as keen as any
auction room. The natural impulses
of woman are disregarded. Mothers
advise prudent alliances, and discount
tenance, by fair means and foul, love
matches. Girls choke down their feel
ings, and aid and .abet their seniors in
encouraging men who are catches,
throwing OF the restraint which made
their grandmotherS charming. But
still the cry goes up: ''Men do not
marry" And yet the most inveterate
clubmen, the mocker of love in cot
tage, was once a youth not blaSe to
whom the vision of home was en-
chanting. almost every man tries his
hand at realizing some such dream
early in life, but the attempt is usually
nipped in the bud by want of means or
by failure to win the particular woman
on whom his heart is set. He suffers
acutely; but man is an elastic creature;
in time he mingles again with the
world, not entirely proof against fem
mime fascination, but finding il almost
impossible to set up an ideal. Matrons
with attractive daughters can not COM
plain that their girls see few men. The
tendency of the age is to level the bar
riers between the sexes; girls play
tenxis, they row, they rink, they skate,
they sit in the smoking room, they
dance, not only in the evenings, but in
the afternoons.
The natural tendency of such init
mate associations would be matrimony.
But the fact is, that men who might
have had serious intentions are fright
ened off before liking begets love.
There is an all-pervading fuss perva-
ding the intercourse of young people
which is altogether detrimental. The
instant o pair begin to show any par
ticular liking for each others society
the wide world around them is on the
QUi IrUe. The mother watches, fuses,
reports to her cronieS, and too often
catechises the girl, wounding her sense
of delicacy, and making her conscious
and constrained; or leading her to i'm
agine herself beloved, when the mans
feeling is only that of pleasure in the So
ciety of q young woman who does her
best to make herself agreeable. Men
are usually ignorant how girls note and
weigh the attentions they receive, and
they impart the details of such homage
to sympathetic-if enviouS-feminine
ears, thus giving body to mere moth
ings, and brooding over triiles till they
gather shape.
Meanwhile the man, having said the
pretty things his idea Of poli,eness has
prompted, goes away, forgetting them
and their recipient, while she is expect
inc a declaration as the result of a few
soft nOthings, a squeeze of the hand, 0f
tender chances. Women are not awal e,
on the other hand how sincerely he
may like and admire girl without a
thought beyond mere good will. And
it is precisely the better kind of men
wEo fall into the misfortune of raising
false hopes: the man who believes in
the simplicity andcand or of women, de-
sires their sympathy and values their
regard. A man of the world has the
instinct of self preservation developed
strongly enough for his protection. The
sense of safety is the real bond of many
of the alliances now so fashionable .
sometimes salutary, often miSchieyOuS
between men and married women.
Kept within bounds no suspicion at
taches to them, no hopes are built upon
them. The lady receives the petits so ms
dear to the female nature. which the
husband of long standing often neg
lects; the man receives the sympathy
grateful to the masculine creature.
Men feel this without analyzing their
sentiments, and it is common COM
plant among them nowadays that it is
impossible to become well acquainted
with Il girl without exciting the too live
lvanxiety of her friends. And no wise
man proposes without knowing the
character of the girl he wishes to
marry. The mothers who are so eager
for their daughters establishment are
wise, although this precipitation is not
only foolish, but. indecorous.-Anleric