Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-09-05
AN AMAZED YOUNG MAN.
HOW HIS OCCUPATION WAS KNOWN
TO THE HUMoRIsF.
Dividing His Time Between ais
High SILK Hat and a Manuscripts
Episode ON a Train.

Dividing His Time Between ais
High SILK Hat and a Manuscripts
Episode ON a Train.
The young man wore high silk hat
when he came into the car. When he
sat down he got up again to put his high
silk hat in the rack. Then he sat down.
Then he got up and took his hat out of
the rack and brushed it. Then he set it
on the seat beside him. Then he got up
and put it on the rack. Then he sat
down. Then he gotup and put his new,
high, smooth silk hat on his head. Then
he arose and put his new, tall, slick silk
hat in the rack, and on top toward the
engine. Then he sat down. Then he
got up and turned his new, shiny silk
hat over, as though it was done on the
other side. Then, he sat down. Then
his new, high, smooth silk hat bounced
out on the floor. Then he picked it up
and brushed it with his handkerchief;
the wrong way at first, of course. Then
he spread a newspaper on the floor and
stood the new high hat thereon. Thea
the new, stiff, high, shiny, smooth silk
hat was settled for the trip.
!, Then the conductor came along, and
the new, high, glossy silk hat had driven
from the young mans mind all knowl-
edge of the location of his ticket. He
knew where his new, shiny silk hat was,
but his Ticket He turned all his
pockets inside out, and then began to
take off his things, until the conductor
had to tell him this wasn't a sleeping
car. Then the conductor said, "Oh,
pshawW as some very wicked conductors
will say, and, reaching his hand into the
young mans pocket, he drew forth the
ticket, in one me and two motions.
"You Didn't give me a check" the
young man said, as the busy conductor
passed on.
"You're right, didn't" replied the
cruel man. 81 might want to see it
again some time. III remember you"
Then the young man said to the pass
ing brakeman:
GLOW far are we from Ames2"
"Ninety- eight miles"
"When do we get there?"
" -Four forty-fve."
Then the young man sighed. He
opened his valise and took out role of
manuscript and tried to read. Then he
took out book and tried to read that
Then he took out tablet and pencil and
tried to write, but he hadn't got there
yet. Then the new, tall, shiny,
slick, silk hat caught his eye; he picked
1t up, looked at the rack, and set it
down again, on the other end this time.
Then he said to the conductor, who
was coming back:
Chow far is it to Ames?"
"About ninety-fve miles"
"When do we get there9"
"Four forty -fve."
The young man went down in his
boots and fetched up a sigh they might
have heard all along the line of the
Chicago and Northwestern. He opened
up his case of manuscript again and
took pull at eight or ten PAGES of it,
but he didn't seem to like it. He tried
the book while and then, with sud
den start turned to his new high slick
silk hat There was about pint of Gin
ders in it. He closed the window, emp
tied his hat and put it down on the paper
again, cleft in front"
So the miles flew away. Every time
the whistle blew he asked somebody if
that was Ames. Every fifteen minutes
he asked how far it was to Ames and
when we got there. When we were
only an hour and twenty-five miles
away he began to pack things back into
his valise. He made a critical examina-
ton OF lot of white ties and some of
the newest collars and cuffs I ever saw
In all my life. He finally locked the
Valise and sat still Suddenly he start
ed as though he had been shot and
went into that valise and hauled out his
manuscript, found certain pages and read
them over. Then he brushed his new
high slick silk hat and put it on, tail
gate forward. Then he turned it around
and put on his gloves. He looked at
his watch. He sighed several times
About seven or eight times minute,
l think. When, at last, the long whistle
blew for Ames, he gathered his valise
and stood up, half mile from the mar
roW gauge crossing. Then said to him
''For what association do you lecture
in Ames tonight"
He looked so proud and happy, blush
ing to his ears, that was pleased with
myself.
'For the Y. M. G. A." he said. GLOW
did you know it, Who told you was a
lecturer2"
"You did," said. "You told me all
about it."
And he was so amazed he forgot where
he was and would have been carried by
if the committee hadn't come aboard
to look for him. -Bwdette, IN Brooklyn
Eagle.