davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1884-03-24

TuE Galveston Print wants Il State
society for the prevention of cruelty to
animals. The LIGmr is of the opinion
such society is entirely unnecessary as
long as the present grand jury system is
in vogue. Grand juries attempt to regu-
late everything else, and they, no doubt,
could handle the fellows who are I'M
merciful to beasts as well.
The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1884-03-24
WoLPF & MARX.

Little Joker" cumming
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
A Mexican Trait.


can best illustrate the Mexican char
acter by telling a story which is vouched
for by well-known Mexican railroad
builder with which | will close this
letter
4 railroad was bLilding in Chihuahua
and the contractor advertised for large
number of railroad ties. 4 Mexican an
swered the advertisement in person.
"How many can you supply" asked
the contractor,
"Excellenza can have so many as he
shall wish" with an expressive shrug of
the shoulders.
"Well, if we should want 500, what
would they cost us?'
After much figuring the Mexican re-
piled that he could furnish them at fifty
cents, American money, each.
"And suppose We should want 1000 Of
them" said the official.
"Bolga me Diosw cried the astonished
native that is very immense num-
ber.' Again he figured and concluded
he would have to charge sixty cents
each
"Well, sir, We want at least 100000
ties" said the contractor, while a look
of surprise and astonishment overspread
the Mexican's face, and after more pan
tomimiC calculations the native sOlemnly
announced that for "such an immense
order, such an unheard of quantity, he
should have to charge at least two dollars
apiece for the ties I"
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
ADVICE TO SWEARERS.
The Unltness of Eking Out Ideas with
Profanity.
X. j. Burdette.

h. J. Burdette.
Nobody cares for the swearing of an
habitual swearer. His vollevs of pro-
fanity have no terror in them. They
mean nothing. 1t is the man who never
swears who scares you out of your boots
if once in lifetime he does swear. So
far as we can learn, Washington only
swore once during all the eight years of
the revolutionary war. But that one time
counted. 1t turned back the tide of re
treat, changed route into a victory, and
made things hum. But the fellow who
swears on all occasions, and swears hot
and cold with the same mouth. the intel.
lectural pauper who ekes out his barren
supply of ideas with an abundant crop of
profanity, whose conversation is long
chain of mill privileges, and who tflks as
beaver works, his swearing is weak, tire
some, disgusting. So,ifyou want to swear
with an effect, my boy be very seldom
about it. Be exclusive in your profanity
If you cant get along without it, bring il
ont occasionally, like rare old family
diamonds; DON'T keep il running six or
eight hours day like the kitchen hy-
drant
And-you won't be offended, my son
but if YOU will observe closely YOU will
perceive that young men, boys, fiedge
| lingr of about your age, swear more than
nen-more frequently, more awkwardly
with less point and direction A man
becomes ashamed of it. Ii belongs to
the cigarette and matinee perod of liiie
my boy. 1t is a nabit that flourishes
in the bread-and-butter days. along
somewhere between the high school and
the college, and while the blue ribbon on
the diploma is bright. Il belongs 70
what Puck so aptly calls the "unsalted
generation = the fresh young men. So
put il away and put on manly things.
! know some good men, some OF the
best in the world, who will confound it,
and even dog-gone it, and in New Eng
/ land even deacon has been known,
under terrible strain, TO condemn"
But, as rule my son, don't do it. Don't
swear. Is isn't an evidence of smart
mess or worldly wisdom ANY fool can
swear. And good many fools do it. |,
my son? Alb, if you could only gather
W all the useless. uncalled for, ineffective
swears | have dropped along the path.
way of my life, ! know would remove
: stumbling blocks from many inexperi.
enced feet, and my heart would be light
er by ton than it is to-day. But if YOU
are going TO be fool just because other
men have been, oh, my son, what a hope.
less fool YOU will be.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
An Obstinate Wife.
Detroit Free Press.

The other night a policeman who
was patrolling High street east heard a
whistle blow, followed by shouts of "po-
lice " and after a run Of half block he
came to halt in front of house where
a second-story window was raised and a
man had half his length over the sill.
whats the row." demanded the Off
Ger.
"Some burglars vhas in mein house ~
was the answer
How do YOU know ?"
81 heered 'em make noise more ash
ak times p
"Where are they?"
"Down in der Kitchen"
"Haye you been down to look aroundY'
"NO no tellsmy vhife TO go, but she
won't stir She shumps into bedt und
covers oop her headt, und | vhas left to
do all der fighting und be kilt Dots der
kind of a vhife she vhas ~
The officer investigated, to find that
cats were responsible for the noise, and
as he retired the seholder was calling
to his wife:
MARY, if you go down | Sthand on der
stairs Kit a light und a shotgun und
shoot eGjry burglar like tunGer.'
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
Stock-Watering.
Chicago Tribune.

The decision of the New York Court #
Appeals that the issue of "watered"
stock by the Western Union was legal,
has called forth very interesting report
from a special committee Of the New
York Chamber of Commerce on the evils
of over-capitalization, with suggestions
for remedies.
The fact stated in the last issue Of
Poor's Manual that while the railroads
built in the United States in the previous
three years had cost sl,OO0,00O,000, they
had been capitalized for nearly 81 ,sO0,-
100000, with the intention Of making
the public pay dividends on the fictitious
capital thus created, is the text with
which the committee introduce their re-
port.
Their suggestions for reform may be
summarized as follows;
|. watering, pure and simple,
like that of the elevated roads i'll New
York, should not only not be permitted
uDupT any CHCulilSldlCcs, Dut Suolll b'
made misdemeanor.
.. Capitalization of surplus earnings
should be prohibited by law.
3. Increased capitalization should be
allowed only by public consent and Cor
public reasons.
4. Public corporations should be sub
ect to public regulation, state or nation
al, or both, and that this regulation
should extend to their charges and their
posts.
The nub Of these suggestions is the
proposal to regulate charges and profits
The main objections to watering stock
lie in the cloak thereby given to extor-
tionatc charges levied in order to main.
tain excessive profits, Profound and
conservative jurists, like Judge Cooley,
have, recommended the supervision OF
the charges and profits of public corpora
tions. In England this principle has
been pat into practical operation. The
gas companies of London, for instance
are under the strictest control, and are
only allowed to increase their dividends
to their stockholders in proportion a.
they reduce the price of gas to their con
sumers.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
SCISSOR-ISMS.

Free lunch-your wife's midnight
scold.-Hartford Journal
Mincemeat, like charity, covers a null
titude of sin.-Yonkers Gazette.
A mutual admiration society-a young
lady and her mirror.-The Judge.
In this country they shoot the Spring
poets. But in England they spring
Barony on them.-Chicago Times.
If conscience is what makes towards
of us all there ought to be great many
brave men these days.-Philadelphia
Call.
A miss is not as good as mile, for
Miss has only two feet, while a mile has
$3.50. Shoot the maxim maker.-Mer-
chant Traveller.
A Whitehall baker has composed a
piece OF vocal Inusic.-It begins with
dough. Whitehall Times. Which is
followed by raise of course. Waterloo
Observer.
See wee double you a double ell ess.
That is the way you spell the editors
name.-NewEan Independent. A more
satisfactory manner would be to kill the
Wateil)c Observer.
1t takes woman to decide switch is
which and which is switch. And she
is capable of seizing up the article in
quick time, short meter, without any
rest or slur.-Chicago sun.
The Berlin university has a student
sixty-nine years old. His valdictory
probably commenced in the usual way
I'VE are now standing on the threshold
of life, and peering into the unmapPed
| future, etc, etc.-Texas Siftings.
Minnie Ballard, in a little poem
pleads: "Wake me not. sweet friend
from my dreaming" He would be q
Sweet" friend indeed, Minnie, if he
were to commit such a breach Of Ell.
quette. When a young lady is dreaming
it is time for the young man to put on
his hat and leave.--Norristown Herald
One of those wretched creatures who
spend their leisure hours in gloomy gar
rets inventipg jokes came around the
corner and asked, why is the country
physician like printed Congressional
report " There was a moment of sus
pense, and then the hollow-eyed iokel
shouted, Because he's Pub. Doe anc
straightway fled to his garret.-Newark
Sunday Call.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
HE GOT 1T.
A Cowboy Orders Rattiesnal,cs on Toast.
and Is Served.

A Cowboy Orders RattIesnakcs on Toast.
and is Served.
Cheyenne Sun.
A typical cowboy, fresh from his herd,
went into Eiltchs chop-house last night.
The tables were all filled with the cx-
ception of one, at which the terror of
the plains seated himself. As he pulled
off his hat and united the red bandanna
handkerchief from around his throat he
looked disdainfully around.
The nj nble waiter brushed an imagin-
ary bread crumb from the cloth, whisked
bill of fare from the caster and placed
it before the festive and untamed youth.
"Take it away" he snarled. IL can't
eat that. want rattlesnake on toast"
"Rattlesnake on toast !" yelled the
waiter.
"Rattlesnake on toast !" responded the
cook
There was slight futter among the
guests at the strange order, and the cow
boy was scanned by many curious eyes.
He looked little Disconnected at
having his order so promptly taken, and
glanced furtively toward the front of the
house. He saw the cooks and walters
engaged in filling orders, and looking as
solemn as graveyards after midnight.
He assumed nonchalant air and
picked his teeth with his fork.
A cook deity removed the skin from
a pickerel, and cutting strip the pro-
per shape, placed it in a spider.
The waiter who had taken the order
came tripping back to the bold bucca-
neer of the pampas.
"Will you have your snake well done
or rare?"
Rare with oodles of milk gravy on
it,"
"Gimme that snake rare-milk gravy
on the side" was hallooed to the cook.
"Snake rare; ; milk gravy-side," cook
shouted hack.
"Stay!" said the bovine stcerer as the
waiter passed him. II take t well
done"
Make it well done"
Make it well done" was answered
back.
The lariat wrestler began to grow ner-
vous. The devil-may-care expression
had left his eyes, and a soft. subdued,
melancholy shade had taken its Place.
He fidgcted in his chair, and seemed to
be nerving himself for an ordeal.
Here you are, sir said the culinary
Ganymede, placing a dish in which
was something nicely coiled, which
looked like fried specimen of the genus
crotalus.
Have little Worcester sauce? Gives
a very fine flavor. Some folks like
mushrooms with their snakes Others
prefer Chilli cholorow. A little salad
dressing don't 90 bad. There's vinegar
and olive oil in the castor. Will you
have tea or coffee? Very fine snake.
Caught yesterday. Fat and tender
When the waiter was delivering him
self of this eulogy on the meal, the steer
puncher showed his chair back. His
eyes bulged out and he became pale
around the gills.
81 don't think III eat anything. amt
hungry" he said as he rose unstcadily
to bis feet, and reached for his hat
Maybe you'd prefer Drilled moccas-
SIM" insinuatingly suggested the waiter
NO" he replied. as the asheu palor
deepened on his face. Il amt a bit
hungry" He cast another glance at the
dish he had ordered, and made break
for the door. He forgot to pay at Il c
counter"
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
A Trick In a Tunnel.
Chicago Tribune.

An annoying practical Joke was played
on bashful young man who was ac-
companying young lady on journey.
While going through tunnel a friend
knocked off the bashful young mans
hat, forced his fingers through his hair,
kissed the back of his own friend, and
then slapped his own face violently.
Every one in the car looked in that di-
rection when the light came, and the
friend was apparently the most surprised
of all. The mussed-up appearance and
confusion of the astonished victim con-
vinced the spectators that he had tried
to steal a kiss and had been slapped
The young lady understood the situation
and blushed painfully. The friends got
off at the same station, rough-and-
tumble followed, and the practical joker
was whipped.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
Forced to Tell Truth.
Providence star

Just stay nyour seat until the theater
is out, Mr.. r. You are not going out to
see a man tonight"
"But Mrs. r., | don't expect to see a
man when go ont
ooh, indeed Just want fresh air,
suppose? p
"No; this house is well ventilated"
Want to stretch yourself, perhaps ?'
"No, that's not the reason. nave
been very comfortable. couldn't very
well be otherwise than comfortable when
you are by my side. my lump of delight"
"Then presume you are only going
after a Glove for your toothache?"
"Not at all; have no desire for cloves
this evening, my angel dovey."
"Glad to hear it. Well, 60 out, then:
shan't object. But, by the way. what
in the world are you going for, anyhow ?
have exhausted the ordinary reasons
why men 90 out from theatres before the
close of the performance
MY beatiiic idol OF my hearts aIec-
tons, if you must know, ! am going to
get drink"
As he passed out on the quiet street
meath the twinkling stars, and in the
soft radiance of the electric light, he
murmured
"Confound that woman; she knows
altogether too much. What in thunder
did she want to crowd fellow so hard
for? Why couldn't she let him have
little moment all tO himself without
making him own up?" And the vicious
slam of the swinging door next door
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
Three Pleasant Letters.
Baltimore sun.

The funeral of Mrs Mary Guy Miller
took place at Greenmount cemetery
Mrs. Miller was the daughter Of John
Guy, the renowned Baltimore caterer
and hotel proprietor Of Guys hotel,
Seventh and Chestnut streets, Philadel-
phia, and, notwithstanding her II years,
she was attentive to the business to the
last. Her name is associated, through
her father with such men as Henry Clay,
Beau Welsh, Daniel Webster, and Mich
olas Biddle, who were all, except CLAY
patrons of either the Baltimore or Phil
adelphia establishment Clay was a
constant patron Of the Baltimore house.
Mrs. Miller had met and was acquainted
with some of the most eminent men of
her time, Guy was name suggestive
Of excellent terrapin, game cooked to
perfection, and the best wines in the
country. People came from a long dis
tance to taste broiled oysters when John
Guy introduced this delightful way of
cooking them nearly half century ago
Mrs. Miller had in her possession three
letters which she prized. The letters
are from Jenny Lind, Daniel Webster,
and Charles Dickens. The first read az
follows:
DEAR SIR: Allow me TO thank you
most sincerely for your kind attention
toward me in sending such number of
little birds, which | consider to be very
great delicacy, although it is a cruelty
not to let them have their peace to Jump
about and enjoy themselves in the
woods. | am, dear sir your truly,
JENNY LIND.
New York, 10Th September, 1850"
Daniel Webster wrote:
"MY DEAR SIR: | am quite obliged
to You Tor the grouse. They are beauties
Such sights are rare here. Yours respect
fully, DANIEL WEBSTER.
"MR. GUY
Charles Dickens letter is to the follow
ing effect:
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
Norwegian Farming.
81. louis Globe-Democrat

Farming in the Norwegian valleys pre-
sents some unique aspects. Grain, pota-
toes and turnips grow in little patches
Meadow hay is carefully cut and cured
on rods or ropes supported on tall poles.
Every corner on which glass will grow
is utilized for hay, even the little hooks
among the crags, frons which it is low
cred to the valleys by means of ropes or
wires, that nothing may be lost.
The Scandinavian cows are Of pecu-
liar national breed. and not only they,
but goats and even ewes, contribute to
the cheese watts. Horses are seldom
larger than mere ponies. These little
animals do all the farm work, for in Nor
way oxen are employed for tillage
Norway is sparcely settled. Emigration
is taking away its most ambitious sons
and daughters. But its people are in
tensely patriotic, and their land contains
much to delight the traveller.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
Book on Sorghum.

II is announced that Prof. Peter Collier
has prepared an extensive work on Sore-
hum, containing the results of the most
successful growers, as to the best varie-
ties and their culture. and also the details
of the latest and best machinery used In
the economical manufacture OF sirups
and sugar therefrom. The work is TO be
published in Cincinnati, and the author
being good authority it must prove of
great value to all engaged in or coptem-
plating sorghum culture.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
Elevated but Not In tho Right Way.
New York Tribune.


The elevator in a tall downtown
building had reached the ninth floor,
and the boy held the door open for the
venerable passenger to get out
Top floor, sir" he said.
"Eh ?" calculated the old man, as if
not comprehending clearly.
"This is the top floor, sir, as far ms we
90. Where did you wish to stop?'
"Why, get out at Northumberland
twenty-frst street. You amt there
already, are your"
Waiting passengers wondered why
the elevator did not sto? for them on its
way Down, but that boy hardly got his
breath till the old man said to the jani-
tor who showed him the door.
Il thought it was the elevated road"
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
FASHION.

Trains are becoming TO stou; women.
The rage for Christmas cards is on the
wane.
For indoor toilets lace is preferred to
linen collars.
Very funny are the new dolls which
say "COO-cOo"
White underskirts should be worn
only in the evening.
Ragged edge not te PAPER is stila favor.
ite among English ladies.
Sable is the most fashionable fur in
England among those who can afford it
High heels are no l.nger worn on
evening shoes, but are still used upon
day boots.
The best dressmakers no longer nut
puifed waistcoats or Molier fronts on
corsages.
Very elegant French ladies wear un-
derskirts of white cashmere or white
satin at home.
Frills of lace down the front of the
corsage are considered more elegant than
buttons.
Plain or fine striped silk floss hose are
most fashionable for both day and even
ing wear.
Evenirg dresses with pointed waists
and ' necks are as becoming as they are
fashionable.
Evening dresses. when not intended
for dancing are made with trains of
moderate length.
Artists of ability now bring ont charm
ing novelties in the guest cards used at
dinner parties.
Fichus, jabots and scarfs are worn
with house-dresses. They are attached
to narrow velvet dog collars.
Ladies' cards are of generous size, cut
almost square, while those for gentlemen
are narrow and short.
The fichu bow, knot of flowers, or
narrow lace pin is worn at one side Of
the neck by very young ladies.
The rape finished border is a striking
novelty in mourning nOte-pa the
| lullliNl'll b'lilE "ODhNiibis
The evening cloak par excellence is of
cashmere lined with plush, and having
a Grape hood trimmed with lace.
Pretty Parisian capotes are made OF
velvet applique on Colored lace, with
bunch of velvet flowers on one side.
All kinds of invitations are engraved
or written on clear white paper, except
invitations to gold and silver weddings.
The small muf of velvet, lace, plush,
fur, and even cloth matching the capote
in shade and material, is the latest fancy.
For street wear some Of the Partisan
milliners have brought out exquisite lit
tie Fanchon-like bonnets ofgray Swedish
kid
The new and lovely little theatre bon
nets of black velvet and white tulle, EN-
broidered with pearls, are worn without
strings.
Capotes for evening wear are made OF
white Grape, edged with silver lace or
braid and trimmed with white mara
bout feathers.
The High Greek coitiure with several
| hllcts cnclrcllny the head, takes the place
with Parisians of the small coil in the
nape of the neck.
In exclusive stationery we have the
! photographic, resembling old parchment.
Il bids fair to be a flvorite among lovers
Of the antique.
Velvet dresses with separate trains
and an extra velvet body are particularly
useful, as the train and extra body can
be worn over any other silk skirt.
Reception cards are square with the
name and address and reception day and
sometimes the hour engraved in the left
hand corner, as heretofore.
Among favorite monogram decorations
or note paper is sunken square ola
darker tint than the paper, with the mon
ogram in lighter shade raised upon it.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
TOO MUCH FOR HIM.

what will be the duration OF the ces-
sation of this equipage at the next halt?'
inquired Boston maiden of the con-
ductor.
"Which-who-what?" he gasped, as
he stared at her with unfeigned asto IL
ishment.
The Dung lady repeated her ques-
ton, and the ticket-taker looked more
blank than ever. Suddenly he smiled
and politely said:
"No, ma'am; there's no such station
on this road but at the next stopping
place III let you of, and you can take
the down train back
She said nothing, but thought he was
a fool.
He passed on and imagined she was
an escaped lunatic.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09

she said, with simPer.
"But you can't replied one OF the Ia
dies "because one of the prettiest girls
in the church has it,
"Then want to be one Of the Lambs
Of the flock"
"But they are all young girls" :,
"Pshaw, / won't be anything then"
and she fiirted her dress and shook her
curls in a real giddy way.
"Oh, have it." cried lady after a
minutes thought.
"Whst is it?'
"Why there's vacancy in the Antique
Department, and that will he just the
place for you. So artistically harmoni-
Gus, you know"-Merchant Traveller.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
Over the Fence.
Sommerville Journal

"Mrs. Slingchin put her head over the
fence and thus addressed her neirhbor,
who was hanging out her weeks washing;
"a family has moved into the empty
house across the way, Mrs. Clothesine."
eyes, know"
"Did you notice their furniture
Not particularly"
Two loads, and ] wouldn't give a dol
lar load for it. Carpets! | wouldn't put
'em down in my kitchen. And the child
ren. | won't allow mine to associate with
'em, YOU bet And the mother She
looks as if she had never known days
happiness. The father drinks, expect.
Too bad that such people should come
into this neighborhood. ! wonder who
they are2"
81 know them
ADO you? Well, | declare. Who are
thew"
"The mother is my sister and the faith
er is the superintendent of the Methods.
Sunday-school."
A painful pause ensues.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
Milk Adufterations.

And now new adalteration of milk
has been discovered which has not yet
been detected by the milk inspectors
and possibly is beyond their detection.
Simple water is easily detected as it re-
duces the specific gravity of the milk.
An aqueous solution of glucose maintains
the specific gravity, gives it body and
imparts sweet taste to the milk, which
cornmends itself to many consumers.
The Osceola times., 1884-02-09
Agriculture In Ireland.

A late number of the Irish Farmers
Gazette thus speaks Of the agricultural
situation IN that country: "While the
prospects of the tillage-farmer are grow
ing gloomier every year, wages and the
general cost of living have gone on in
oreasing. The profitable raising and
feeding OF farm stock must become the
farmers sheet anchor, for our cereal
products fail utterly to support farming
as q business"