Daily Republican., 1884-09-22

- He'd" Leary ana she Limo Kiln|
--fN"l Gut.
Detroit Free Prsss.
Tho jsnitor and his assistants had mo-
sooner arrived ct Paradise Hall Satur-
day evening to sweep out the peanut
shucks and apple cores and make
ready for tho meeting when they dis
covered Q white man secreted In the
wardrobe in which the reealia is stored.
He was At once hauled ont and ques-
TONED, but to the excited and Indignant
interrogations he maintained o sulky
silence. He was taken to the foot Of
the grand staircase and trified with for
about five minutes, ut the end Of WI ich
time he WAS sent out to the world, q war
map Of legs. On the floor Of the main
hall was found corksorew which the
villain lost.
HAD ARRovE.
The fact that Brother Gardner had
on starched shirt and had oiled his
hair prepared the members for the bit
Of news he announced at the opening of
the meeting.
Gem len, de char looks pleasure in
|depouncin' de fack dat de Hon. Edward
Leary, Of Wilmington, Staff Of Del.
aware, am present In de aunty. room,
an waitin' to address us. He arr0ve
heah at very lait hour de odder night.
an passed six hour in de police sta
has fur two days bin . guest at my
house, an though mus say dat he
kin git away wild more provishuns dan
any three men who eber sot down at
my table, his mind pears to be richly
stored wild first class informashun. He
viii be brought in heah to address US on
de subjick of Does Natur' Make Mis-
takes q De entire evenin' will be
tooken up wild de lecktur' an It's fol.
leriu' results. If any pusson In dis hall
should so far forget hisself as to knock
down de stove.pipe, upset a lamp or
raise q commoshun In dc vicinity Of de
b ar Traps doorin' de delibery Of dis
lecktur' he will hev reason to disre-
member 1t fur var to come. De ora
tor will now be brought in"
HE APPEARS.
The Reception Committee were alb
sent five minutes and then appeared in
company with the victim who appear
ed to be mon about 80 years OF age,
slightly lame In one leg, one shoulder
way down, and features erected upon
no fxed principles Of art. He was,
however, entirely 1t ease, and rs he
moun ted the platform and heightened
each suspender an inch and half and
removed his collar even Elder Toots re-
allied that the stranger before him was
no subject for flies to light on. His in
PRODUCTION was followed by q cheer
which upset q barrel of molasses in the
grocery below, and he starto tut with
Dis am one of de proudest mo.
ments of my life. When l fust read of
dis club, six or seben vars ago, neb-
Der dreamed dat de day could come when
should stan in dis grand ole Roman
Hall an address you. Tread of Way
down Bebee, Pickles Smith, Trustee
Pullback, Rev. Penstock an odder
great statesman In your club wild live.
lest interest, but de ideah dat l should
ever stan heah an look down upon
DER bald heads an double chins would
hev seemed TO me q corrugated impos-
back again.
docs Natur' make mistakes ? We
think she does. Indeed, We assert she
does, an she am slandered an abused
on dat line of reasonin. Let US look in.
to some of de accusashuns. Oar am dc
frog. Why should he be built like fox
J fur fast runnin', or like q bird fuI
lfiyin'? His native heath am SWAMP
or puddle. He doan' keer to trabblt
aroun' de kentry. an a. bird he'd b
dead failure. Why didn't Natur' gin
him claws to scratch an teeth to bite
X ase he am no fighter. He am On d,
run at dc fust sign of row. His hint
legs am purvided wild o set of spring
which lift him of . log an drap hin
six feet away befo' o bluejay kin shou
twice. [Sensation all over the hall.
Let US look at de fish. Pusson
have wondered why he didn't hev ha'
lon same az cat. an why he WASH
fixed to climb trees like q squirrel
!. Natur' made no mistake when she de
cided ON scales to kiver his body ant
keep de dampness out. Dey doan
tangle up in de weeds an dey doan
pull out or hev to be dyed. II fsl
; could climb trees what good would l
do far q man to spit on his baited hooi
and drap it into de riber an sot dar,
-Ihuil AFTERNOON De fish might all b.
} out in de woods dat day. Evidence
: of deep satisfaction in all four corners.
"It-wa not long ago." continued tn
orator, AZ he shifted his weight to tn
, other leg, +" dat l heard pusson bera
tim Natur' kase he had to eat to sustain
life. When Natur' made him dat wa,
she showed heap Of wisdom, an fuI
nished him an incentive to git up an
ldust around. If man did moi hev to ca
Ide population of dis world would be to
lazy to git up decent sized argymen
on religun. Suppressed enthusiasm.
,IIf Natur' hadn't intended that W
, should war cloze, we shouldn't he
am bishun to git into de Legislachur ar
ConRriss. [Cheers on the half shell.
3 Ibid NaLur' make . mistake whe
5 she constructed the oyster Som
! folks complain kase he has no wisf
DO ne, an kase dar am no wings al
3 legs to sarve up on the table. Natul
r intended de oyster fur people who can
;. chaw DER meat. Instead Of runniI
aroun' de kentry he settles down whal
e he kin be found when wanted. II al
a lde same wild de clam. If he had d
: rovin' disposishun of de fox 1t wonl
take six months to git up q claIn- bake
o Mods in the affirmative.
o "We hev summer" said the oratoi
+ a. he pulled down his vest, in orde
dat water mellyons may ripen, an "
|, hev winter dat 'possums may fatten III
J. We have 16, 456 changes of weather
! Ide course of var, in order to accom-
: lmodate all minds as fur as possible
1--we hev moonlight nights fur SIGH pus
] lsons as am behindhand in hoeing cor
= Tor saving wood, and we hev dark an