The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1884-09-05
WIT AND HUMoR.

A cook and housemaid had little
difficulty in the kitchen the other day,
and presently matters became SO quiet
that you could hear rolling-pin drop.
''Ah, Mr. Hebbleton, hear that you
have been called to the ministry"
"Well. can hardly term it n call.
They only offer me $500 a year. Sort
"a whisper, you understand"
A compromise is where you kick an
army mule when you don't get what
you want, and then accept twice rs
much as you expected to get. If you
don't get what you want. compromise.
A German scientist says that every
cubic foot of air contains 10, 900, 600 in-
sects, and travelling man SAYS that
the country hotel beds that he has been
sleeping in must be built entirely of
air.
Highland preacher (excitedly rebuk-
ing the erring)-"You are on your way
to the bottomless pit, and if You don't
take care and stop short you'll 90 down
and down till you reach the very bot
toni"
Deafness, it is said, can be cured by
being suddenly surprised. All q
physician need do, therefore, is to
whisper to the patient that he doesn't
intend to charge anything. Ten chances
to one the patient will hear.-Philade1-
phia Call.
mo, indeed! wasn't afraid of the
bug!" exclaimed Miss Fussandfeather,
after she had recovered from her faint
ing spell at the church picnic the other
day; "but knew such horrible shade
of green wouldn't harmonic with my
new pink Dress
INLAY have the pleasure of seeing
you homer" he bashfully asked. Ger
tainly," she graciously replied; there
is hi9h hill just in front of the house,
or, if you prefer ii, you can climb big
tree in the COW lot. Go anywhere where
you can get good view"
Just to think" said the Vassar
graduate; ''here is an account of
train being thrown from the tract. by u
misplaced switch. How utterly care
less some women are about leaving
their hair around" And she went on
reading and eating caramels.
A famous Prussian general was in
speeding some military stables. What
do see there" he said in tones of
thunder TO n s.cobwebs?''
Yes, sir, was the respectful reply,
1--WE keep them there to catch the lies
and prevent their teasing the horses
Scene. office of female physician:
Enter man in haste-"Won't you please
come down, doctor, and see a yOung
man who has just fallen from a scat
folding? We are afraid he is fatally
hurt" Female physician - WIN,
mercy! l couldn't 60 in this dress; be-
side, my back hair is not done up
Boston Post.
There is q clergyman in Australia
who charges for the performance OF
the marriage ceremony according to
the weight OF the partics-a penny u
pound for the bridegroom and Two
pence for the bride. In that parish it
is not an uncommon thing TO hear y
young man remark: mo darling, not
Immediately; you're too fat.'
Yes, they are excellent boots" said
the shoe dealer TO the young lady pur-
chaser; they will wear Ike iron"
"Do you think the buttons are securely
sewed on?" she asked. They are; the
boots are supplied with the old maids
wedding BUTTON new invention"
why is it called the old maids we'd
ding button?" "Because il never
Speaking of the dIincuIty toreIGn-
ers experience in giving the proper ac-
cent to English" said Captain Boil
sum, reminds me of the fact that
when first came hilher, | could not
speak English, yet, you cannot detect
in my conversation 4 foreign accent
ITO acquire such perfection must have
taken much time replied lady.
'Oh, yes, it required years" 'Must
have been young when you came to
this place?'' Yes, was very young.
In fact 1 was born here. "-ArkaasdU
Trducler.
A girl ran off with her best young
man and was married to him in n room
in n little country hotel. Papa and
mamma arrived in an awful rage, but
just Us the ceremony was concluded.
The young lady was not one whit dis
concerted. but hailed her furious pa
rents with the remark: why, this is
just rs funny rs it could be. Don't
you remember this room? Its the same
one you were married in, and your
family folks came to make a fuss just
as you are doing" Smart girl, for it
was true bill Toronto Mail.
When Philadelphia father chided
his daughter for allowing q young gem
tleman visitor to kiss her. she replied
with some spirit: a couldn't help it.
pa. After he kissed me the first time
I told him TO stop it and he didn't
mind me at al" And the next day
when her father brought home base
ball catcher's mask and told her to
wear it when her young gentleman
friend called, she was mean enough to
call him q hateful old thing and to de-
clare that if it wasn't for the fact that
it would make good hustle she would
smash it to atoms.-PhtladelpbiG Ctr0't-
icie.
A kaZoo is an instrument invented to
give pleasure and satisfaction to the
small boy. 1t is a cross between bag
pipe and an accordion with several
new and pleasing features of its own.
1t can make more noise and even less
music than brass band. 1t can imi-
tate the warbling of a cat or the screech
of a hooking bird. The inventor would
be hanged, drawn, quartered and
burnt, but it is more than likely that
he is kept out of the way in some in
sane asylum. When you hear noise
like the combined sound of fish-horn
and runaway, do not imagine it is
the end of the world. 1t is only the
small boy amusing himself peaceably
with his kazoo.. Detroit Free Press.
After the Concord School of Philoso-
ply gets through discussing Emerscn
it might add something to hum
knowledge if it would discuss this ST
ject, viz: Why is it that when th
young men and two young ladies who
are drifting toward aflectionate ac-
quaintance set out for walk in pairs
within speaking distance of each other
the young lady behind feels herself in
duty bound to speak to the young man
in front, and the young lady in. front
considers it equally her duty to speak
to the young man behind; and why. if
the young men should change partners
this popularity would still be observed?
IT is strange that this should be SO. but
it is so, and perhaps the Concord
School of Philosophy can tell us why
it is so if it will devote its powerful &
mind to it-S0merVitte Jlatilaat. a.
A story comes from Massachusetts
of girl falling dead with fright caus-
ed by a sudden kiss. A Bostonpaper
thereupon proceeds TO read theegir.s of
that city q long lecture on the ncees-
sity of being prepared for a sudden
kiss. The advice is all right. There
is nothing like being prepared for whaU
the future has in store for us, but kiss