Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-12-03
Bill Nye and the Cyclone.

iuost WIZ hHoN lilO pSSt VIII ~
member that / have never, openly or
secretly, written or uttered n senti-
ment that could in any way be warp
ed into an adverse criticism of the
cyclone, says Bill Nyc in the New
York Mercury. Whatever l may
have learned or observed dcrogatory
to the cyclone and its cruel aud
treachcrous nature | have religiously
kept to myself l have even gone so
far rs to stand up for and champion
the cause of the cyclone when its
enemies sought to damage it in my
hearing. When others spoke in harsh
and severe terms of the vandal, mur-
derous work of the cyclone l said
"Ah, yes, gentlemen, but do not over
look the great work of publication
that is done by its mad gyrations.
Think how necessary are these atmos-
pheric upheavals to rid us of super
fuous electricity and purify the stag
nant all"
did this until suffered personal
ly among men, and even the blue
nosed and sore-oyed hoodlum pointed
at me as l passed and said: "There
goes Bill Nye, the friend of the cy-
clone"
And what is my reward for all this?
Like a peaceful Ute stealing up
through the sheltering ambush to saw
open the windpipe of dear friend
comes the ring-tail peeler of the sky,
scarcely moving the green leaves as
he steals along the valley on his hind
legs. The air is like the atmosphere
OF death. No sound is heard except
the dull thud of the woodman's AK as
it buries itself in the heart of pine
tree that belongs to someone else.
The sun has dropped behind dull
gray cloud that is faced with pale
green. Still lower down the steel
gray and purple clouds come boiling
over the tree-tops. The tree-toad
makes a few desultory remarks.
Katy-did says Good evening"" and
the premature twilight has come. Up
from the southwest comes q mutter, a
crash, a roar like twenty oceans in
joint caucus, the rush of falling trees,
the crash of giant hail stones, the
thunder of falling waters, and like
the deadly charge of heavens artil-
lery it is over. That is. cyclone
one of the adult variety when it is
feeling well. When you see one of
that kind sliding up into the sky do
not try to twist its tail as it goes by.
1t takes strong, quick man to reach
out over the dashboard and twist the
tail of a cyclone. He must be strong
in the wrists, cool-headed, and soon
in movements.
The cyclone which visited northern
Wisconsin on the 9th inst, was about
a mile and a half wide, and lasted
through a period of time, ! would
say, such as would be measured in
pronouncing the word "scat" in an
ordinary tone of voice. 1t blew down
three churches, sparing all the saloons,
jerkcd the school-buildings crooked,
knocked the post-office silly, and de-
molished q dozen stores and places of
business. 1t killed two of the most
promising young men and the purest
Christian woman in the village. Then
it went out into the forest where was
riding along attending to my own
business, tipped me over, and broke
my leg. Everywhere it sought out
the young and the fair. 1t spared
the old, the sinful, and the tough, but
spent its fury on the tender, the good,
the true, and the beautiful. Is it sur
prising that it jerked me galley west ?
No, indeed l am only surprised that
/ am alive.
/ had intended to say word or
two about what to do when you see q
cyclone coming, but this letter is al
ready too long. One general rule
may not be out of place, however.
First, be sure that it is a cyclone.
Then take your family and adjourn
to the State penetentiary. Those who
have spent the major portion of their
lives in the penitentiary will remem-
ber with pleasure the feeling of secur-
ity they experienced while there. l
may say truly that / have never felt
that same old security myself since /
- But why rake up old personal
tiles? They will all come to the sur
face when l run for president.