The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1884-07-16
WIT AND HUMoR.

y
toring potatoes for weak eyes. and say
.. he has q growing practice.
It Why is it that man never thinks {
" winding the clock up at night until a
Q ter he has put the light out and jumpe.
= into bed?
: Grace (whispering): What Lowell
: boots your partners got. Marv!'' Mar
: : (ditto) Yes: unfortunately he shines
: : at the wrong end. =
: A young man writes to consult NJ
: about the best pattern of health lift
r We would suggest helping his mother
j little with the coal-hod.
! Give girl long eTelashes and small
, hands, and she will put up with mum.
! Der SIX feet and marry all around a
cariy-headed girl wearing ones and a
There are five times as many accor~
: dions as guitars in Mexico. This is
: the strongest argument We have vet
seen against the United States annex
ing Mexico.
Robert A. Webster, of Bangor, Me,
has just haIt s piece of bullet removed
fI1st3 his saft sse9s1, -sslt sS ifSs - aoafped
there in the battle of Thacher's Run on
March %. 1865.
In some Eastern countries the face
OF the bride is never seen until after
the marriage ceremony. And then,
sometimes, the face of the bridegroom
is never seen any more.
Never compliment woman on her
good looks. If she can not see that
your eyes acknowledge her beauty,
your tongue may as well save the wear
and tear of praising it,
Eyes, l am really sorry," said the
hen-pecked husband, sorry to know
that our forests are being SO rapidly
destroyed. When they are gone I'm
afraid they will make broomsticks of
! IRON"
While on our way to Newburg the
| other day we saw fellow fishing. Upon |
lnquiring if he had caught any, we re-
ceived the following reply: Caught
any? No, you fool, I've not been at it
only about four hours yet"
Bets are offered that when the North
pole is reached, an American news
paper reporter will be there with an
elaborate description of the place al
ready written up, waiting to take the
first boat for home
A man never feels more disgusted
with himself than when he has been
watching red light for about half an
hour, and waiting for the horse-car to
approach, to find that the light comes
from globe in corner drug store.
At Maroa, ILL.,, they have organized !!
silk hat brigade, composed of about !
forty business and professional men of
the town. The object is to gain MOTOR
iety for Maroa, the members being
pledged to wear their plugs every day.
'What kind of sauce will you have :
with your steak?" asked waiter of a T.
diner in restaurant where the condi-
ments were served with the orders.
eff the steak is rs tough as yesterdays,
send me in couple of circular saws" =
Little son of a bill broker to his papa: y
''Papa, what is business honor?" BUS T
iness honorP Well, Alphonse, my boy, Ii
suppose one of our customers sends a "
thousand francs too much" Eyes,
papa" "Well, l give MIR. Ratipeau, 7
my partner, five hundred of it. r,
The cadet minstrel show was so sue tc
cessful that it is to be repeated. One n,
of the prize jokes of the entertainment
compared the Boston girl ly
to throw of three skies at dice. Be- m
cause it was so hard TO get? No; but
because they arc SO hard 10 shake. Il
How frAah and green eKorEthiny bt
Iooksp' murmured ClaribeH as they OF
wandered along the road Every T
thingP" questioned Adolphus, looking a
down into her violet eyes. Yes, eV- dl
+" she replied abstractedly.
He wanders%ith another girl now. h:
A Presbyterian clergyman in Scot y
and short time ago offered to give a ie
shilling to every man and half crown m
% every woman who would come to -
him the next day and declare truth
ully. that they had not spoken of Ie IS
worldly matters after church. No one w
,ame. u
DIR. Donald Macleod, Scotch cler- on
lyman, recently preached q sermon on ba
The Sin of Cheapness. He said that Il,
he ''craying for cheapness and hunt a
NC after bargains is not only economi- q
ally false, but cause of great suffer bo
ng to thousands of men, women and -. ;I
hildren.n ~ -
When a woman secures all her rights,
he right of serving on the jury will of aN
curse be included. It will be blessed tal
hing for the men folk in case of breach sal
# promise. The sex won't get any th
from the dear creatures, un- no
ess they change nightly from what
hey are now. plt
"a reliable man" tells in the Ber- bu
len (Ga.l Netcs of seeing cat with an
light legs and feet and two tails. 1t DIR
ad set of feet and legs in front in of
be usual place, and set on its back. phi
lack of these its body developed into
wo prongs, each of which had tail rel
nd a set of legs and feet. or
In Butler, Pa, man made pet of |
large toad, which came regularly tol
ach summer evening for luncheon an
flies, which were taken from straw. Qp
Lfter an absence of three years the dll
IAN returned, and the toad was pres col
Mt to greet him. and during the re- foi
lainder of the summer came for flies. pa
81 never tip q WAITER said Bass;
refer to keep him in expectancy as u,
,ng as possible. He is all the more !
ttentive, because he does not know sei
ov generous | am '.But won't he ne
ct discouraged after whilePn Pos lou
bly," replied Bass, ''but that's all he ia y
ill ever get So you see, I'm no loser tne
Some one asked the Boston Tran r.
,rSpt on what occasion the expression. {
By the Eternal was used by Gem ~
rAl jackson. It is answered that it
as the Generals favorite oath, and
lat he used it on every important oc- 81 81
aston, when swearing seemed to be
ecessary, during the whole active part !
| his life. ~.
A calendar issued by an insurance sai
,mpany represents its Offices by 8 pair s
owls and the insured who is pre- kn,
'nting his policy for payment by . mi
,oster, accompanied by his wife and tou
hicks. The habits of the owl as . ii
spectator upon chicken roosts are 49,
lat the designer of the calendar had Il
rgotten this. ~
In one of the Philippine Islands it is !
1stomary when young fellow asks oye
Ie old folks for their daughter to send has
ar into the woods at sunrise, and If fer
Ie lover finds her before sunset she IS far
IS. II not, he forfeits all claim. The rim
III is given one hour the start THIS rs
YES her fair chance. and she can VII
se her own Judgement about hiding kis
ter she gets in tho woods. "a
Mamma-..l hear you have been cir
.en guilty Of great. very great rude cha
sss and vulgarity Little Jack-..I tho
MT What did / do. anyhow on
Mary states that ron used some such VA
" expression IS let her rip in speak was
% az vOur aunt Amt is upstairs III
The sewinc-room, aint shee'' Yes;
q And what j. she doingk ma
She is ripping up my old dress. ver
Well let her rip- That's what ono
i'd. 81
Gid Bells litiIs boy. Freddie. who IS ane
.i. .l.....k -. - r,ia laa1.shf = 500