Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-01-18
Dead locks-falso frlzzes.

tudu 4NluCNhu.
Prof. Swing says that poetry arises from
the fact that men like to sec two things at
that they see good many things all together.
Philadelphia hotel keepers seem to be
about as mean as they make 'em. An ex-
change says that they paste the following
notice over their gas jets THE relatives
and friends of guests who blow out the gas
will have to pay for the amount of gas
wasted before the body will be delivered"
French doctors are said to invariably pre-
scribe red wine instead of white, as being
the most beneficial. We shall try to bear
this in mind, when we have to call in doc
| tor.
1t is certainly better, from temperance
| standpoint, to have ones hand in sling
than a sling in ones hand.
| The lover Of q Maine girl was recently
| Rugged TO death by bear. This could never
have been done, If the young man had been
going with Vermont girl
1t is estimated that $500, 900 is annually
expended for Christmas cards in this coun-
try; and yet think how it pays, when a
young man can capturs a 100000 girl with
a ffty-cent picture Of an angel without any
| stockings on.
The question arises, why is woman so
MORALLY afraid of getting "a duck of a
bonnet" wet:
Mrs. Bascom says she doesn't wonder that
| theatre fires are SO destructive, when there
are so many wooden actors behind the
scenes.
In York State they call traverse slcds
"donbc Impressive suppose because they
will discmbowcl the unfortunate pedestrian
twice as rapidly aud neatly as the single
sled
Professor Swift says he has distinctly seen
stars through the tail of comet 1000
miles thick Mrs. :, must be right smart
hand with broom.
| A Massachusetts, coal dealer presents
every newly married couple in his town
with half a ton of coal. This makes the
young man who spent his last cent for an
oil stove feel bad.
| A Louisville belle recently cloped with a
Chinese lauudryman. John may fondly i'm
aginc that be- has got the best # the bar,
gain, hut just let him wait till washing day
comes around.
Tennysol sprung 1t On the YOUTHS Com
panjOH rather elrly, didn't he?
n western humorous paper $50 called ad,
vertises to give State map to every sub
scriber. What would he more to the poin
would be carefully prepared diagram o
each joke,
There is an old man in New jersey VIII,
says that he has run 1900 miles in his lif,
time This is easily accounted for by thu
fact that he spent his youth and carly man
hood peddling wooden soap.
Patchkns says he wouldn't live in Tcxa
for auything-irs such laundering bi!
State to get out of when mans debtors sc
tired of waiting.
St. LOUIS capitalists are going to build {
hotel with dining room capable of seating
$500 guests. The Democrats had better en-
gage it for the coming great crow supper.
A poct Of quite remarkable genius is salt
to have been discovered in London work
house. The wonder is that more of 'en
don't turn up in such places
Somebody asked Blobson. the other day
the size Of his cat, and he said it was owe,
four feet and then he got out of it by ask
inc II there ever was cat that wasn't owe
four feet
An Ohio editor tr.cd to get local merch
ant tn trade INN off Il pair of stockings TO
half column Of advertising space. Tn
merchant said he woridu't undertake an
srcb con,roc, for l,s.lb.u bulf mage, a
; l.os,
Ella wLccl-, say. that there IS no srcre
ohor, nor ag. r.,irna,.,v rh.r. happeus A.,
no No curi,si,v
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i'a0 l,oa, o,li,,ol f., .,,c,. ,, ta,r,r., arirhm,
t;o hocorsc i, n,ays ,l.r di,kcns with he
counting.
An oychorg, tolls nh,,, 81 man who w,
.n,oal,, ,l,o fall Of q scor,ld Wo hoard ,