The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1884-12-10
WIT AND HUMOR.
A crooked man often finds himself IL
Strengthened circumstances.


imagine. is especially so if it happens
! to be 4 bank-beok.
! Carlyle SAYS: Laughter means
sympathy" This will bring comfort
to the man who has Inadvertently
troddcn on banana peel.
/ A poet in u contemporary sings:
Darkness creeps about us. as the
night is coming on" The truth of the
sentiment is at once apparent.
The woman who made pound of
butter out Of the cream of joke, and
the cheese from the milk Of human
kindness, has since washed the close of
year.
Canada is entitled to the name of
The land of the free and the home Of
the knave." The American knave has
too much freedom over there. -Nosris-
tos0n Herald.
A scientific exchange says that . We
man can grow seven crops OF hair be-
tween the ages of Is and 45. II this is
the case. why should some of them re-
fuse to. allow their husbands to grow
more than one crop.-dtlanta C0ssti-
tuition.
A good scheme for getting . reputa-
ton for being fond of works of art and
numbers Of pictures is to lay in lot of
nicely framed chromos. and have them
so heavily covered with m0squito-net-
ting that no one can see the Canvas
Puck.
A lady who had just returned from
Europe said to friend: You ought
to hear them lawff and chawff at our
American way Of talking over there,
YOU know" "Oh, we'll. We can stand
it." said her friend; I'VE larff and
chalf at them when they come over
here
''HOw can you account for those hne
stalks of'corn coming up in the fence
corners?" asked man of farmer.
That's not corn. the farmer replied,
only weeds '.Ah. how singular!"
Don't know much about farmin', I
reckin'?" Very little. l am the edi-
tor OF an agricultural paper. ."-Arkan-
sac 7rareler.
There are two soldiers lying beneath
their blankets looking up at the stars
in Transvaal sky. Says Jack: What
made you go into the army. Toma''
Well" replied Tom, Il have NO
wife and loved war. Jack" ..I.li, .
s',s' prace =. ". mad saSs, saa loved
A girl in Turner, M.ine, smokes,
chews, drinks. swears. shxves and
wears man's ha;.-E1cha'ige. That
all may be, but we will wager that
she can not throw . stone at barn
without knocking IN eye out of the
woman in the next yard. There is .
limit to everythiag.-Pttsburg Chr0S-
iclc.
Alice, you can never expect Fred to
like you well enough to marry you il
you don't let him kiss you and stroke
your hair once in q while" well,
mamma, I'm sure he'll never like me
well enough to marry me if he finds
out I've got false teeth and false bangs,
which he surely would if I allowed him
any privileges. IN 7. journal.
A bad boy broke up camp meeting
down in Pennsylvania, the other day,
by stirring up 4 hornets nest which
hung above the congregation. It was
remarked afterward by thoughtful
deacon that if the saints and sinners
had showed half the anxiety to escape
perdition and reach heaven that they
did to get away from the hornets and
reach that boy there would soon be no
further use for revival meetings.-In-
dianap0lis Journal.
We'll. father, must confess don't
knew what to do with your daughter;
she's hard to live with-idle, selfish,
expensive "Quite like her mother,
my boy. But mind you, if she does not
get over it all, and you find it's neces-
sary to come to me again-if. l say"
Yes, rs you were saying. If"
"Weil. if she does. l promise to disin-
herit herr' After that the fellow
spoke of her in terms of continual re-
spect. the French.
A French physician has discovered
what he pronounces new disease
called ''utremia," the most prominent
symptom of which is an unconquerable
aversion to getting out of bed in the
morning. A new disease" oh! As
soon as school vacation ends, nearly
every 14-year-old boy in town. who suf-
fered from this disease two months ago
will have sudden relapse, and the
NEST prominent symptoms of utremia
will appear. NorristoU" Herald.
A New York widow was taking the
fresh air in Central Park, with her two
children, when she met a former lover,
with whom she entered into converse
ton. Il am completely broken up.
Amelia. he said, .eizing her hand.
"Tbere is no telling what ! might not
say AMI 10 if it were not for these emil
'dren.'' .'Chiidren," said the fond
mother. pushing them away. run over
Wonder where the goat carriages are
and play until send for You. "-1eras
Siftings.
Laura, dear, wish you would pay
a little more attention to young MIR.
Nickelplate. I'm sure he is . most ex-
cellent young man. and you are allow
ing the Joyce girls to monopolize en-.
ticely too much Of his attention"
why, mother, he is . perfect boor.
He knows absolutely nothing, he can't
speak single sentence grammatically.
lie eats with his knife, and picks his
teeth at the table, Tut tut Laura.
A girl who has reached the age of 26
should have better sense than to notice
such trivial idiosynorasies. "-R3sbar0
Chronicle Telegraph.
A young cadet at West Point. it Is
said, owns and wears in quick sue
cession eighty pairs Of white trousers.
OF such material are heroes made. A
cadet who can stand the fatigue and
hardship entailed in the duty Of putting
on and taking of feighty pairs Of white
trousers in quick succession viii expe.
r;ence sort Of holiday when he d out
on the plains fighting red-skins and
finds he hasn't time to change his
trousers oftener than once IN two or
three days-Norrissos0p Herald
A disguised bicycle rider says It y
lust like working your passage on !, 2
.1 hoat hv 1osdinU the horse tor ~