davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
Three Thousand Novels.

An English publisher, calling atten-
ton to the fact that during the year
1883, 349 works of fiction were pub
lished in England, says that readers
do not increase. in proportion to the
number of novels printed. On the con-
trary, during the last two or three
years the number of readers of circu-
lating library novels has been steadily
and largely decreasing. This, he says.
is probably to be accounted for mainly
by the excess of fiction in other direc-
tons. Novel readers, who used to re-
sort to the libraries, now get their FULL
supply in the daily, weekly and month
~ journals. 1t is said that for every
novel printed and published, probably
ten are written and rejected. Thus.
then, one has to contemplate over 5000
novels being written in one year, of
which $50 see the light, and Of these,
only about $50 pay the expenses of pro-
duction, the whole of the remaining
mass Of writing and printing being la
Dor lost.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
He Was Mistaken.

'.Nice child, very nice child" OBJ
served an old gentleman, crossing the
aisle and addressing the mother Of the
boy who had just hit him in the eye
with q wad of paper. 'How old are
you. my sonP" "None Of your busi-
ness. " replied the youngster, taking
aim at another passenger. Zine boy"
smiled the old man, as her parent re-
garded her offspring with pride. "A
remarkably fine boy. What is your
name, my son?' ''Puddin' Tame!"
shouted the youngster, giggling at his
own wit II thought so, continued
the old man, pleasantly. If you had
given me three guesses at it, that
would have been the first one / would
have struck on. Now, Puddin', you
can blow those things pretty straight,
can't you?'' ..You bet! squealed the
boy, delighted at the compliment. .'See
me take that old fellow oyer there!'
mo, mol! exclaimed the old gentle
man hastily. ''Try It on the old woman
I was sitting with. She has boys Of her
own, and she won't mind. ''Can you
hit the lady for the gentleman, John
nie?" asked the fond parent. Johnnie
drew bead and landed the pellet
on the end Of the old woman's nose.
But she did mind it, and rising in her
wrath, scared down on the small boy
like : blizzard. She put him over the
line, reversed him, IAN him backward
till he didn't know which end Of him
was front, and finally dropped him into
the lap Of the scared mother. with q
benediction whereof the purport wa
that she'd be back in moment and
skin him alive. ..She didn't seem To
like it, Puddin'," smiled Che gentle.
man, softly. She's perfect stranger.
to me, but understand she Is !
.matron Of truants' home, and i
thought she would like little fun; but
/ was mistaken, = and the old gentle
man sighed sweetly 8 he went back T.
his seat.-1he Jerseynsasa.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
Visitation of Providence.

They were talking Of puns. She
said: when man made pun he
was always proud of it; but when a
woman made one she had the grace to
be ashamed of it.
BE said: "Woman was Justly asham-
ed Of her puns, for they we're invari-
ably wretched. A woman could semi
annually make good pun, but she
had to put her whole mind. to it, and
sometimes sit up all night to make it
work smoothly, while men could always
make first class puns oifhand.
She said: 1t was no such a thing.
She could make as good . pun on any
word as fast as any horrid man.
Well, " said the skeptical wretch.
make pun on horseshoe. =
If you talk until you're horseshoe
can't convince me, = said the feeble
minded woman.
And he died. In Plnfa fCol. Miner.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
tyaD asked the unhappy manrasEhe=
saw large tears rolling down his

9tBas' asked the unhappy manas=h6
saw large tears rolling down his
daughters face.
.tOh, pa, it's so hard to bear. just
to think that boo hoo-may have
to wear diamond earrings, and / (sob
-sob) never had my ears bored. :
I'D be mighty glad to change
places with you, muttered the angry
farmer. Then, going up to his wife he
placed his hand on her bony shoulder.
''Come, wife, cheer up. If there's 3
camel to be had for love or money you
shall have that shawl. I s'pose I
mought ez well give in fust ez last.
Cheer up, old woman!'
.'Old woman!' shrieked Mrs. Steb-
bins. ..He calls me old. Have l lived
all these long years to have that man
tell me to my face that I'm old. John
Jacob Stebbins, / hate you! s-c-o-r-n
you! Keep your money! I'm a-goin' to
leave you! Yes! l will hev somethin'
new. I'll hev divorce!'
MRS. Stebbins threw her check apron
over her head and sobbef aloud.
'.Great Scott:' exclaimed the bewi1-
dered man, what's to come next?
Hetty, me and your mother never he'd
rale quartz vet, and here she is a.
talkin' of divorce and John Jacob a.
sassin' me to my face; it's all on ak
kount of that miserable consumed
money. Take the check and send it
back to the unknown tiend as sent it;
nary cent of it will tech.''
'I'm afraid of it, pa said Hetty,
wiping her tears away. Then she began
to examine the check with a look Of
sudden interest. At last she exclaimed
loudly:
''Why, pa! You never read it!''
Then she laughed; slowly at first,
then louder and harder till she had q
regular fit of Mysteries. Mrs. Stebbips
ran for remedies and Mr.. Stebbins
pounded her on the back. When she
got her breath again she nearly repeat
| ed the operation, aud each time that
she looked at the check she went into
spasms of laughter.
''It's nothin'," she gasped, with q
reference to the check she held in her
extended hand: ''nothin' in the world
but an advertisement
''The fools amt all dead yet," said
the farmer dryly; II might ha' knowed
there was catch somewhere.
Il must set the bread risin'," said
his wife demurely, as she folded her
tent like the Arabs and silently stole
away.
4.I've fed the critters" said John ia.
cob, Jr., who had been listening at the
door, and now put in shame-faced
| appearance.
I'm thankful I escaped livin'
man." said the farmer, as he tore the
bogus check into a thousand pieces.
There's man at the door, said
Hetty. .'Why, it's Jim Vance-dea1
JIM and she fastened to welcome
him in.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09

now"
John Jacob. Jr., gave long whis-
tie. II wouldn't Civ UP Jim till l see
the other teller, Het," he said provok-
ingly. !.
sits time the bread-risin' was set, -
suggested Hetty to her mother.
ssYou can set it them" retorted Mrs.
Stebbins Grossly; 1--WE worked and
shaved for your feyther nigh on to thir-
ty years, and he never refused me be-
fore. But money hes made him hard
hearted
.Mercy on us, woman, what is it you
want?'' he growled.
'.A-a-camel's hair shawl all-all-
border,' sobbed his wife.
.'Great Jerusalem, woman. there
isn't camel nearer n q thousand
miles of us. How kin / git hair to
make yer shawl?'
..He never called me woman be-
FORE" sobbed his wife. To think !
should ever be called a woman by my
own husband, too. Oh, John Jacob
Stebbins, what q shame to let money
harden your very soul in this here
way
tits enough to drive man dees-
tracted, crazy said the farmer,
stamping around the room; '.you,
John, go and feed the caoWs. ! clean
forgot them. 8
81 amt agoin' to feed no caows en-.
nymore; you can hire another man, .
said the youth. spreading himself
/ Mr.. Stebbins rose and took down the
! n,aana IF GRACE, from behind fha clock.
but with . mockipg laugh the youth
fled out Of reach.
whats the matter with yoss, Het
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
WHOLE NUMBER 327
The Needles Eye.

The man who attempts. to thread q
eedle for lady friend, takes great
er risk than he who with a lighted CT
gar in his mouth handles key Of pow
der. He knows there is an element of
danger in what he is doing when he
tackles the powder, but it isn't one man
in hundred that suspects anything
out of the usual run Of things when
asked by lady to thread a needle.
Few men there are that can resist such
an appeal. especially if the lady be
young and pretty. When she is young
and pretty, there is all the more reason
for being on your guard. It is a
woman's privilege to never grow older
than. twenty-five, and it is her privilege
to cover up and deny her weak points.
especially dimness Of vision brought
on by old age. It is expected that q
woman will conceal these defects, and
no matter how she does it, it can't be
considered falsehood, no matter how
void Of truth her denial may be. This
being the case, she suspects that every
man in the country is trying to play
the Same tactics, and in order to put
him to the test, she will hand him a
needle and ask him to thread it. See
how closely she watches every move
ment Of her victim. See her smile as
he vets his big thumb and index finger
and tries to twist the obstinate thread
to point. 1t is whole circus to her.
See the poor victim get his hands up
before him and try to steer that thread
into the eye of that needle. His eyes
bung out like tea cups, the perspiration
rolls off his brow, but he knows moth
ing of it. He is intent only on one
object, no matter how much of show
he is making of himself in trying to
thread needle that has no eye. She
gave that needle to him knowing that
were his eyesight good, he would de-
tect it. She won't be satisfied by an
explanation that her victim thought
she knew there was an eye in it, and,
as q matter of course, made no exam
nation of the matter himself. No, no
excuse will right things. and the poor
man who has been victimized, goes
forth from her presence after such
test, as q galvanized old beau who is
getting coltish again and wants to cut
up capers with the young girls. Hence
forth that mans life is an unhappy
one. 1t is needles and thread. and
thread and needles, whenever he comes
around or is spoken to. There is only
one needle man is sure of threading.
and that is darning-needle, provided
he uses mo. g. cotton. No, you don't
want to attempt the task of threading
q needle for lady, unless you know
beyond question that the lady's inten-
tions are honorable and that you are
sure there is an eye in the needle. 1t
is easier for q camel to go through the
eye of a needle than for man to re-
cover his good name after trying to
thread an eyeless necdle.--Peck's SIN.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
Sending a "TelegraH."

II get tired" he continued; Il
grow weary of listening to a careful
account of all the circumstances that
induce them to make the great step of
sending telegram, and of large por-
ton of their personal history. But the
worst and hardest thing is to make
them understand that we handle sew
eral messages every day, and that theirs
must take its turn with the rest. Our
wires are crowded all the time, but the
fellow who telegraphs something unim-
portant, to New York say, can't be
made to comprehend that his dispatch
can't be sent and delivered inside Of a
wink. That's the idea most of them
have of the telegraph. They want to
see it 60. If our operating rooms were
not sacred to all save employees, these
Once-in-four-year's customers would
overrun them. The other day, man
stood right there where you are and
talked to me half an hour by that
clock, explaining why he had sent the
only message he had ever sent in his
life, and in every other sentence asking
where the answer was. In vain lex
postulated and explained, but he would
not move till they shouldered him
away.
Then there's the ignorance of these
people, too. Yesterday woman came
in and sent a dispatch to her husband
at Rock Island. In she came just nine
times before 6 o'clock to see why he
didn't answer. Finally we got word
from the manager that the man could
not be found at the address given. I
tried to make her understand il, and
how do you suppose she took itp Said
she: 4 don't believe you sent the mes
sage at all. l watched the wires and
never seen it go. You took my thirty
cents and gave me nothing. and I'll
send my brother-in-law down to mash
your eye And Pm expecting him now
every minute"
~ 20
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
The Feminine Use OF Adjectives.

Gentlemen often say that the con-
versational powers of ladies would be
more agreeable with limited use Of
adjectives. The exaggerated use of adj
iectives, says the Hartford Times, is
characteristic only Of American women,
Their constant habit of qualifying ev-
erything they see. hear, smell, taste,
or touch by NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
is not contracted through ignorance.
It arises from the ridiculous custom en-
gendered during the giggling period of
their school days. By habitual prac-
tice, it becomes firmly established, fol-
lows them into maturity, debases their
language, and makes them appear far
more silly and frivolous than they real
~ are. It is almost impossible for
women to shake off this nonsensical
habit formed in their early youth.
Their exaggeration Of language is car
ried to an extent that not only becomes
serious consideration to ordinary OBJ
servers, but also to learned men and
professors. In conversation the other
day, q professor of Trinity college
gravely inquired: 'sWhy do ladies in
variably mar their conversation by the
repeated exclamation perfectly love-
ly2'" We do not wonder that he no
ticed it. There is nothing more tire
some during lady's conversation than
to hear the unceasing words ''perfectly
lovely" At the theatre, parties, we'd
dings, funerals, lectures, prayer-meet-
ings, and in horse-cars, steam-cars,
steamboats,, art galleries, milliners'
and ry-goods shops, or at the dentists,
| DOCTORS and dress-maker's indoors
and outdoors, wherever American wo-
men are gathered together, the inevita-
BILE chorus of perfectly lovely" arises
to arouse the half-contemptuous
amusement of observers. The express
sion perfectly lovely" is beginning to
be perfectly unlovely by its gross mis-
use. 1t has q strong rival in the other
also too common expression perfectly
elegant" How American women are
laughed at abroad at the misplaced ex.
pressions of their new-world exagger.
alton and enthusiasm! In nine cases
out of ten, they qualify customs, cathe.
drals, castles, and COWS as ''perfectly
/ elegant;" palaces, peers, peasants and
pigs as perfectly lovely" or sunsets
sOldlers, sculpture. ana Sneep as per
fectly stunning" Is it any wonder thai
it excites ridicule! A year or two ago,
! Hartford gentleman who accompa
MED relative-a young lady-on q
! trip up the Hudson river, promised tt
! give her a handsome silk dress if she
would not utter the words perfectly
lovely once during the journey. W.
never heard whether she won the dress
! We presume not.
School-teachers could do much tc
remedy this defect. 1t begins in schoo
days. Then is the time to prevent tho
overflow of this bubbling effusion int
later years. A modification of adjec
! tives, an Improvement in language
would be the result. Perhaps it woult
become perfectly lovely"
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
A Fortunate Canadian.

There is q pleasing little anecdote in
connection with the carnival, of q
Frenchman's getting ''fich in a day."
fact almost unparalleled in the his
tory of Province of Quebec Frenchmen.
Baptiste Laporte lives in a story and q
half, gray, slate plastered house near
the Bonsecour market, where he kept
small retail fur store. Here he has
lived for the past fifty years, on the hill
overlooking the old Bonsecour church,
the Oldest sacred edifice in Canada,
being built 100 years ago. Baptiste was
poor, for though his furs were always
of the best quality and s'the finest in
the world,'' his establishment was COM
paratively unknown, and consequently
little patronized.
Things went on pretty much the same
for Baptiste for % years. He left with
his dog, gun and snow shoes every fall
and returned home in the spring to his
Maria with his toboggan we'll packed
with precious and valuable fnrs to be
sold for the next season. He generally
did not manage to sell more than halt
his stock out from year to year, butby
an ingenious plan his wife managed to
preserve these furs so that when the
time came for Baptiste to summon up
all his enterprise and attract custom
ers to his shop, they were in as perfect
/ order as if he had just stretched them
on his little pine twigs to cure after
shooting the animals in the bush. Bap-
tiste concluded to stay at home this
winter to enjoy the. carnival. He did
not wish to take advantage of the op.
portunity to make money, like toe
many tradespeople, but merely to en-
joy himself. However, happy thought
struck him and he advertised his ftlrs
in all the local papers.
1t grew very cold day or two after
the opening Of the carnival, and as ar
American gentleman said, .sthe mercu.
~ having got so high up in the glass
during the first part of the week thai
it almost took two thermometers spliced
together to gauge it, was now to be
found knocking the bottom out of the
concern. This change persuaded the
American visitors who had come here
unprotected against the frost further
than by a plug hat and silk hand.
kerchief to Ego in for furs, and Bap
tistc's was soon found to be the cheap
est place in the city. In two days hi
whole stock was sold with the excep
ton of half q dozen red fox skins and
half as many silver fox skins, the latter
bringing him in the pelt $3.50 for the
lot. Baptiste was yesterday poo
French Canadian furrier. To-day h,
is, thanks to the carnival. worth $50,
900. He had several daughters VIII.
were always employed evenings max
ing up the furs he brought home. Dos
ton Courier.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
The evidence seemed oyerwhelmi,

The evidence seemed overwhelming
against Edward Johnson. colored
man on trial for burglary in Batavia,
Ohio. His trial had lasted four days,
and the audience in court thought him
sure to be convicted. He asked per.
mission to speak, and talked for forty
five minutes. He fairly tore to pieces
plunged most Of the jurors in tears,
amazed the Court. captivated the au.
dience, and made q speech which the
Cincinnati papers say has no parallel
in rude eloquence since the days Of
Chief Red Jacket. He was acquitted.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09

A poet sings: Let me die when all
is cold and drear." Now is an excel
lent season for the purpose, and the
man who would interpose single OBJ
lection should be severely talked to. If
a poet wants to die when all is cold
and'drear-and we are not surprised
that he should feel that wayne should
be encouraged in his laudable purpose.
-NOrristOaUn Herald.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09

The Spiritualists of the South have
bought fourteen acres of land on Look
out Mountain, where tLey will estab-
fish an assembly ground and erect an
extensive tabernacle.
New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-09
Office over City Drug Stass
TERMS:
One Dollar and half per year in
advance.

advance.
Rates OF Advertising.
FURNISHED UPON APPLICATION.
Advertisements in double column, double the
single column rates
Busin esq Cards ofave ines, one year $500, eacn
sddit ion al line 70 cts
All ira nsient advertiser ents to be paid for in
advance.
Advertisements inserted in the local notice col.
umns, ten cts line for the first insertion and
cents line for each subsequent insertion; but no
nstsce inserted for less than so cts
Announcements of marriages and deaths insert.
ed free but obituary notice., except IN special
cases, will be charged at advertising rates.
legal notices will be cha rged Is cts per folio Tor
The first insertion, and 25 cts per folio for each
subsequent in seron All legal notices must &c
upon the responsibility OF the attorney o!derlnGG
.hem published and no affidavit OF publication will
be given until the publication fees are paid
In connection with the paper, we have splen.
did assortment OF jobbing material. and we are
prepared to execute all kinds ofprinting in asty 10
Unsurpassed and at moderate rates.
The Aberdeen examiner., 1884-06-19
The Late Col. Ii. Nj. TerFelI.

We are again called upon to an
nounce the death of one of Monroes
counties old and esteemed citizens
One by one those who have been re-
garded almost in the light of land
marks by succeeding generations
that have "come to possess the land,
are passing .way, and this time the
eyes that have closed upon the busy
world are those of Col. B. M. TERRELL
who goes down to the shadowy land
we'll laden with years and mourned
by many loving hearts.
Col. Terrell was for many years Of
his life a citizen and merchant Of
Quincy, in the Northeastern portion
of our county, and removed to the
city shortly after the war maintaining
an active participation in the com
merce of our town until his increas'
ing intfrmities demanded his retire
ment year Or two ago. Since thai
time he has vainly sought by res
and recreation to recall the healtl
and energy expended in the hare
battles of life, but the burdens were
cast down too late and the lost grounC
could not be regained.
"Peace to his ashes"
The Aberdeen examiner., 1884-06-19

sary improvements. l think w. j..
Smith, of Grubb Springs ueighborhood,
has as conveniently arranged a house as
l have eyer seen, ard there is no more
pleasant or hospitable host to be found
in ali our broad land. Another improve
ment that | take specia! pleasure in
mentioning is the new residence of our
Jolly good natured friend G.. J Parham,
it ls model OF beauty and convenience.
When we rode up he was running full
speed through oats nearly waist high
after long hungry looking old SOW that
had gotten in through a water-gap, as
be informed us We met as usual a
warm reception at his hands, and were
compelled to decline his invitation to
"get down aud rest awhile" While |
find considerable change in his sur
roundings | hud him the same Jolly fun
loving fellow he was when the hen
scratched the stocking up from behind u
log near his old house in the sweet long
ago. Don't send "Gabe" his COPY of
the Examiner this week as he's q little
tender on the stocking question.
With the evidences of thrift we now
haYe III the county and town we should
certainly feel hopeful Of our future pros
perity l will be in the 3rd District the
remainder of the week, aud if possible
will give you a liue from there mex,
week. Yours truly,
p NJ q