Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-10
PLEASANTRTES.

| Cincinnati Saturday Night.
A MAN with cast in his eye-A trout
fsherman.-[Texas Siftings.
EARNEST prayer is the disinfectant of
the ul.-[Arkansaw Traveller.
WHEN man is caught stealing horses
out West the public never suspend iude-
ment. They suspend the horse-thief
instead.
| UNCONSCIOUS HOMEOPATHY: 81 was
vaccinated straight from the calf, YOU
know" "Ahi simiIia similibusl'-
London Punch.
A CORRESPONDENT of the Boston
Globe contributes a sure cure for sleep
walking. It is to tie the feet together
before going to sleep.
The young lady who made seven
hundred words out of Conservatory"
last autumn, has run away from home,
Her mother wanted her to make three
loaves Of bread out of "four."
as your table linen marked ?" asked
the washerwoman. "Oh, certainly" re-
piled Mrs. Popinjay. eve have had
blackberry pie right along this week,
and Mr.. Popinjay has spilled his coffee
twice"
A LADY of Philadelphia asked gen
tleman the other evening to set her
watch for her. He set it an hour too
fast. The next morning she was just
five minutes late for breakfast = New
York Tribune.
GIRLS, when you marry, be sure to
wed big, strong, healthy man. While
in nine cases out of ten he won't bring
up the coal, he'll come in handy in the
fall to sit on Bible filed with autumn
leaves to press them.
IT is announced that Spanish dances
are coming into fashion. Young
Sprucey, whose girls father made him
walk Spanish the other night, says
the step is too sudden and forced to be-
come popular Norristown Herald.
IT was examination in a female
school. What is the Goddess Of
Love?" asked the teacher. Quick and
prompt came the reply from the young
lady at the head of the class, who was
chewing gum, cit is an ice-cream freez-
er."
"YoU are lucky" said criminal law
yer, to his client, thief. Sam &C
quilted ?" inquired the thief. "No, not
that" replied the lawyer "but you will
be the first inmate of the new prison
and will get a write-up as such."- Gal
weston News.
A New YORK paper makes big fuss
about calf with human head. That's
nothing; we have hundreds of them
clothes just like men, and generally
LII h. IL
baltimore Day.
"SLICED cucumbers, if placed over
freckles, will eradicate them" Yes,
but if they are placed under freckles-
that is to say, in the mouth of the
freckled one-they will frequently not
only eradicate the freckles, but render
their return impossible.
why, Allie, dear, is that the way to
begin your dinner?" asked a mother of
her little daughter, as she began with
the pie instead of the bread anC butter.
"Well, declare, mamma, I WIS going
to eat my dinner upside down, wasn't
I?"- Wilmington Star.
CONDUCTOR CONTEMPORARY -"Wot's
this?" Passenger-"My ticket book"
Conductor" 'Tain't good on this
road" Passenger Cooking at the book
discovers he has handed out his Tesla
ment by mistake)-"No, I should say
you had no use for it here"
In bidding adieu to Arctic explorers
nowadays it is well to quote Sidney
Smiths comical adieu to missionary
friend who was going to Africa:
"Goodby, my friend! I do hope you
will disagree with the man who eats
your Pittsburg Telegram.
"CARE will kill cat" says an old saw.
This particular old saw prevaricates
We take the utmost care every time we
shy bootiack at the feline fence in
testers to throw straight, and yet we
never hit one of 'em let alone giving
them the coup de grace. - Lowell Citi-
| zen.
Il HEAR you've had a promotion.
Glad to hear of your good luck" "Good
luck You don't call it good luck to be
taken into partnership, do you?" swell,
yes. Ishouid think so. It gives man
better chance to accumulate fortune"
"Not when he was cashier in the first
place"
"CAN I get whisky cocktail this
morning." asked a stranger as he en-
tered a Chatham Street restaurant and
bar last Sunday. "No, sir; it's against
the law to sell liquor Sunday. Just
take seat at the table. Here, waiter,
bring Kentucky breakfast for one."-
| New York Sun.
"THIs is a very poor head of cabbage
you've given NE, Mr. Grocer" said Mrs.
Yeast, while out marketing the other
morning. "Take another one, Mrs.
Yeast" replied the polite man, holding
out another one toward her; stake an
other one. Two heads, you know, are
better than one."-[ Yonkers Statesman.
The young walk through shady
paths and listen to the rapid beating
of each others hearts, but in one in
stance there did not seem to be great
degree of sentiment when swain from
the Lone Star State proposed to a West
ern girl to share his fate and she replied:
eff it is corner one and you will build
on it, Chicago Inter Ocean.