Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1884-05-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

one stfongF
Many more Cinnamon are leaving the
country for China than are coming here.
This is sign of hard times.
A Burlington mother has miraculous
ly cured her youngest hopeful of smok-
ing by the laying on of hands.
Austin. New. has passed curfew
law, prohibiting boys under sixteen ap-
pearing on the streets after 8 o'clock.
When in society never talk of your
SELF" is the injunction of an authority
on etiquette. People in society never
do-they run down other people.
Georgia furniture manufacturers pre-
diet big movement of Western furni-
ture men and wood-workers into the
South.
An Indiana Jail bird recently scraped
off the back OF mirror and swallowed
it. 1t was very cold day for him
when the mercury went down.
When horse railroad car-driver lost
his situation the other day, his little
brother said: There is no one to car
fare mother now"
Cincinnati clamors for society for
the suppression of music Insatiate
mortals! does not one suffice. Have
they not the college still?
We may expect to hear our Fourth of
July orators shout. next summer: Let
the hog squealr' instead of "Let the
eagle scream!'-NorrtstoWn Herald.
Said the man who had Travelled, II
didn't mind having the delirium tre-
mems. | saw snakes and alligators
and things, but it merely seemed as
though was in Florida
After wrestling with the subject for
long while, New York writer con-
cludes that there is only one thing that
can effectually remove the odor of fried
onions--time.
Young farmer: ..Are you fond of
beasts. Miss Gusherton?" Miss Gush-
erton: 'Oh, really. Mr.. Pawker, if
must speak to mamma"
The indianapolis Journal says that
the average citizen wants lock with
four key-holes. Unless the average
citizen has improved of late one key
hole is usually about all he can tind.-
Neoo York Graphic.
Where is the girl of long ago?"
sings Joaquin Miller. We saw her the
other day, Joaq. But she isn't girl
any more. She had gray hair and a
wart on her nose. and no teeth and
wore specs. Salem Sunbeam.
Count Harnancorn, of Vienna, now
social lion in New York: Zach, it's
TOO pad! can neeter marry but one
American girl, und loafs all of dem"
Like Artemus Wards monkey, he is
described as an ''amoosin' little cuss."
Thompson is not going to do any,
thing more in conundrums. He re-
Gently asked his wife the difference
between his head and hogshead, and
she said there was none. He says that
is not the right answer.
A visionary financier who had
thousand ways to make a fortune, and
not a single one to make living, is
described by friend as "a man so
sanguine that the mere getting hold of
shoe-string makes him think that he
is already the owner of tannery."
What will you think of your beauti-
full wife twenty or thirty years from
now?-that is the question:" according
to Monsignor Capel. That is not
hard question, Monsig gnor Capel. Most
likely we will think she is much
better cook than she was at first.
A man always finds out when there
| is a hole in the bottom of his stocking.
He makes the discovery when he takes
his boots off at night and puts his foot
down on the hot register to warm. He
rare.y torges to speak right out about
| it.
| The lectures of Joseph Cook suggest
story to the San Francisco Bulletin;
SANDY, what is the state of religion in
your town?' bad, sir, very bad.
There are no Christians except Davis
and myself, and l have many doubts
abou Davis"
81 preserve my equilibrium under all
circumstances, she was heard to say
in 3 pause of the music to the tow
headed youth who was her escort.
''Do you?' he answered softly, ''moth,
er cans hers" Then the music re-
sumed.
A rowing newspaper man has made
the discovery that all the women in the
Isle OF Jersey are pretty, many OF them
prettier than Mrs. Langtry, and he will
| build a summer resort hotel with a
frontage of 1000 feet, and piazza
with q double deck.
Customer-"Are all Smyrna rugs
alikep" Storekeeper mo, indeed;
there is great, livery great, difference
in Smyrna rugs" Customer-"What
is the principal point of dlfferenceP"
S;orekeeper-''WeIl, some Smyrna rugs
are Smyrna rugs, but most Smyrna
rugs are not Smyrna rugs.-Phtladelphia
Cat
How is this? In Boston they pro-
nounce it ''New-f'nl'nd," accent on the
Noof; in Michigan it is called ''New-
foand-land, with great stress on the
found" and the natives of the island
say '.New-fun-land;" coming out strong
on the "land." We don't know how
the dog calls it himself. Burlington
Hasckeye.
Mamma Ga widow of considerable
personal attractions)-'I want to tell
you something, Tommy. You saw that
gentleman talking to grandmamma in
the other room. Well, he's going to
be your new papa. Mammals going
to marry him." Tommy (who recol-
lects something of the life his old papa
used to lead) -"D-d-does he know it
yet, mammal"
''What is the matter, dear?" said a
country minister's wife to her husband