Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-07-21

Inc table OF lntereSt-the dinner table.
Straw hats show which way the wind
blows.
Matches are low, but it seems a pity to
strike them when they are down.
Size amt everything. A watch ticking
can be heard farther than bed ticking.
"Who is that gentleman" s'He is a
guest of mine.' ''Indeed? 1 guessed as
much.
1t is fact that the American people
are all push. Look at the labels on the
bar-room doors.
'What time is it?'' ssTen minutes to
eight" "Ah, then have just ten min
utes to watt
| 1t must not be inferred that those poll
ticians who eat crow are mourning for
the "Lost Caws."
| "Every cloud has its silver lining"
The boy who has the mumps can stay
away from school.
| A man is not like chicken-the older
he. gets the tenderer he becomes. Young
ladies, please note!
How does Pat propose to get over sim
gle blessedness? Why, he proposes to
Bridge-it, of course.
A southern editor asserts that angels
are all blondes. 1t is suspected that he
married a brunette.
What is it that you like about that
girl?" asked one young man of another.
'My arm" was the brief reply.
This is the time of the year when the
pretty picnic girl with the trim ankle and
neat boots calls out "Snake!"
The proper question to ask young
woman who is about to elope is, "Does
your mother know your route?'
/ Chinese doctors make a reduction in
their charges when the patient is old. 1t
doesn't take so much medicine to kill.
eyes, Augustus, love you, now you
must go and see father" ''No, dovie,
not yet; that is father than want to go
at present"
81 have bright prospect before me, "
said the loafer. 'sYou always will have, u
remarked Fogg: 81 don't think you will
ever catch up to it,"
s'Will the coming man be happier?'
asks writer. 1t depends to great ex-
tent upon whether his wife has got tired
and gone to sleep, or is still waiting up
for him. s At
~ am director in the company" said
the devil in a newspaper office. ssYou
don't say SOP" eyes, it is true" .sWhat
are your duties?" ''To direct wrappers,
of course"
A belle, who six months ago was so
languid that she could scarcely support
herself at the altar, now throws fiat
iron fifty-six feet, and hits her husband
every time.
A little girl was trying to tell her moth
er how beautifully a certain lady could
trill in singing, and said: s'Oh, mother,
you ought to hear her gargle-she does
it so sweetly."
81 understand that Blaine always at
tends church when he's home," said a
senator to a congressman. $50 I've
heard. Is it because he is fond of choir
music?" 81 don't know; but I believe
he always has an eye to the Maine chants. y
A female poet asks: eff we could look
behind the veil, would what we there be-
held fill our hearts with rapture and de-
light?" Perhaps not. We might there
behold a wart on the nose and a wilder
ness of freckles on the face.
''Give the new summer boarder what
ever he wants, says an experienced coun-
try shark, sand you will get his money
He will eat cucumbers AMI milk, and
green apples, and honey, and pickles,
and then he will send for doctor and go
without eating for week, while all the
time his board bill is going on"
An old minister in Perth in discoursiBe
from some text in which the word ssfol
low" occurred, informed his audience
that he would speak of four different kinds
of followers. ''First," said he, s'my
friends, there are followers ahint; sec
ondly, there are followers afore; thirdly
there are followers cheekie for chow
and side by side; and last O. "a, ther,
are followers that stand stone still.