Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1884-10-02

The guests at the boarding house of
the Widow Flapiack, on Austin avenue,
still continue to grumble at their fare.
Yesterday morning GilhOoly said at
the breakfast table to Mrs. Flapiack:
1 notice that you have a vicious-look-
ing dog in the yard. Does he bite?"
Indeed he does"
evil you be kind enough to give him
this piece Of tenderloin beefsteak, with
my compliments! I'd like very much to
see him bite it. if you have no objection
-Isras Slftlngs.
ALWAYS CHEAPEST.
Boarder at head Of table as a slice of
watermelon Is placed before him for des-
sert;
"Mrs. Boggs, may I ask you a ques-
tion?"
Certainly, sir"
"May ask you if there is any differ
ence between the price of a green and q
ripe watermelon"
Eyes. sir-about 10 per cent"
g In favor of the green, 1 presume"
Eyes, sir"
"And that's-that's-"
That's why I buy the green Cnes." -
| Detroit Free Press.
HELD DOWN BY A MORTGAGE.
Mrs. Add the contractor say how
/ long it would be before our new cottage
would be finished?
Mr.. At won't take long. 1t is to be
a balloon frame, you know.
"a WHAT"
"a balloon frame"
"NIercy me! Why, what is to keep it
from sailing away in the first storm?"
Don't worry, it viii be heavily
Heavily weighted? Why, what
with?"
"a mortgage.
( SHE WANTED THE BEST.
Clerk-This silk is worth So yard
and is very morrow measure. Here is
some nice summer silk at 80 cents
yard.
Kitchen Lady-An' is it in style?
"The very height of style. Only yes
| terday I sold pattern from this to Mrs.
/ Blank, whom you know IS leader Of
/ fashion"
ooh, I know that there woman very
well. I lives at her house"
! "Shall L cut you of sOmeP
! "No, indeed. I wouldn't like to be
mistaken for her. Give me the So
! stuff"
/ THE CHURCH BE ATTENDED.
! His wife being too sick to 60 to church
]
three-year-old Daisy, so the latter would
not bother her mother. On their
return the mother feebly asked the
child:
"And you were at church, dear. Did
! you like to hear the singing and the min
lister preach?'
mo singing! Why, child, how could
/ cNT, l~rs,, - Iv,,Cr7 -
"Did the minister preach?"
"No. He dis tOle papa 1t was nice
mornin', and then he div him a dlass
with somepin' in it what papa drinked."
HE WAS TRUTHFUL.
They were in the moonlight, and the
solemn witchery of the hour had touch
/ ed him, but he had not quite reached
/ her.
''BIy dear Miss Annie" he gurgled, ''dO
you know that love you better than
anything else in the WOrld?"
"You have often told me so, Mr..
/ Softhead," she answered IN tone OF
doubt.
"And do you believe me?"
/ "Weu, suppose Tl have to. They
say, you know, that children and fools
tell the truth, and you are no child, Mr..
! SOfthead."
A cloud passed over the moon, and
| the young man escaped in the darkness.
FRUITS OF EXPERIENCE.
Edith. Oh, ma I George is going to
propose to me. What shall say
Ma. But are you not rather preciPl-
! tate How do you know he Is going to
propose?
"Why, last evening he asked me if I
| would accept an invitation from his
mother to go to his house to tea"
Merely a neighborly courtesy, moth
ing more"
early in the afternoon"
"What for?"
"To see how his mother made bis
MY daughter, if you value your fu
! tIre peace of mind you will keep away
from that young man. and his mother
too. She Is too good cook"
AN APPROPRIATE MOTTO.
! Little Nell.-But, mamma, I can't have
a picnic without sending invitations, you
know.
Mamma.-Well, I viii write them TO
you.
printed. Jennie Blauke's ma had her
/ printed, and there was a 'propriate mot
tO-that's what Jennie called tin on
corner. Z can't remember what 1t was
though.
Mamma.-Well, 1t would not do to us
; ! the same motto, Of course. Can't yO
think of one?
Little Neu.-Ohl yes, the verse I ha'
1 in Sunday-school last week would be jus
I the thing.
Namma.-Indeedl What was it?
Little Nell.-'GO to the ant, thou SLUG
; gard"
sI A LESSON IN ARITHMETIC.
= 81 wants you to bay me pack dot 81
: loaned you last Spring. Money is wort