Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-09-08

By angels hands its quivering sails
e Shall all be fured at last
---a-.---
! A long face is generally the Sign of :
. short purse.
The mildest hammered men in the worlt
t show their teeth to the dentist
After all the beam pole is more usefu
to the country than the North Pole.
When man is lost in love he can gen
orally be found by sending belle after
him.
An exchange asks: Can we drink with
impunity?" Certainly you can, if impu-
nifty invites you. I'D
Women do love one another. 1t is only
woman who thinks of kissing a man for
his mother.
While her mother was taking fly out
OF the butter, little Daisy asked: ''1s that
a butterfly, mamma?" 13g 3G T
When concern fails in China the debt
ors' heads are cut off and thrown in with
the assets. This is the way their credit
ors get ahead of them.
| 'Oh, don't propose to me here!' ex-
claimed young lady, whose lover was
about to pour out his avowal as they
were riding by a cornfield. ''The very
corn has ears
81 admit" said the young lawyer, 'sthat
L am not very good man; but then, how
could you expect it of me? It's practice
that makes perfect, you know; and that
haven't got.'
A bachelor, upon reading that ''two
lovers would sit up all night with one
chair in the room,' said it could not be
done unless one of them sat on the floor.
Such ignorance is painful
eyes" sighed Amelia, before marriage
George professed to be willing to die for
me, but now he won't even get his life in
sured in my favor" and the poor girl
burst into fashionable flood of tears.
A fop took a seat in car beside a
young lady, but, on perceiving she had
dog, he moved off with an air of trepida-
ton. ''Don't be afraid" she said, with
reassuring look, "Jip won't bit you; he
don't like veal"
A rich upstart of questionable charac-
ter asked an honest but poor old deacon
if he had any idea of the advantages of
riches. eyes, answered the deacon,
"they sometimes give a rogue an advan-
tage over an honest man." x
'My son. asked Sunday school
teacher, '''what do you know of the prov
erb regarding people who reside in glass
houses?" 'I don't know nothin,'' was
the response, s'about the proverb, but
know that people wot live in glass
houses orient to lay abed in the mornin'
unless they pull down the blinds
s'My dear, look below said Harlem
man, just as he stood on the bridge with
his wife and gazed at a tug hauling line
of barges. "Such is life-the tug is like
man, working and tolling, while the
barges, like women, are-"a aI know" in
terrupted Mrs. G., acridly, ''the tug does
the blowing and the barges bear all the
burden" 8
"Clara, what makes you sit so close to
George when he calls Sunday night? 1
hope you will not forget the proprieties,
my child" "Oh, but ma, George is
dreadfully deaf" Eyes, I remember your
father was troubled with the same COM
plaint before we were married, but now L
can't go through his pockets in the morn
Ing without waking him up"
"Your mother licked you for going in
swimming yesterday. didn't she?" said
one Summerville BOY to another ssShe
did. She gave it to me sweet, kin tell |
YOU. ''Did you get licking?" ssNo, I
didn't" "Seems to me you never get a
licking. 'No, 1 ginerally always mostly |
escape, and that's why I am sorry for |
you. | tell you, the boy what amt got
no grandmother is to be pitied"
'Look here, no. exclaimed the young
man, looking aghast at the mirror,
you've gone and shaved off my NOUS |
tache! Wouldn't have had it done for I
$780," 81 beg your pardon" said the
barber, ''but really, you know, 1 didn't
notice you wore one." Then the young |
man looked great awful look at the |
wretched barber and went out into the
open air of day and longed to be a red
handed murderer.
A pretty Boston school ma'am and a |
youth of mein sedate were parting in the !
evening beside the garden gate; His
hand and heart he'd offered her in grave
and sober way. And she, with quiet dig
nifty, had named the happy day; He lin
gered at the gate with her, and said in
accents low: ''There is little favor /
would ask before l go, a favor never ask
ed before; sweet maiden, it is this A |
lovers privilege, that is all, a sweet be-
trothal kiss. eff you'll only watt" the
maiden whispered, with her color rising
high, "'Till remove my spectacles, I'll
willingly comply"
Some strong minded women can regulate their
husbands amazingly fast, should they not do their