The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1884-11-15
Meriky's COnversiOn-OldT Time
Religion.

Brother Simon.-I say, Brewer Moses,
I hearn you guv Meriky the ter'blest
beatin' las mite. Wat you an her hab
a fallin' out about?
By0the, Moses.-Well, Brewer Simon,
you knows yourself never has no OBJ
lection to splanifying how I rules my
folks at home and Establishes order dar
when it's pintedly needed, and fore
grashus leab you to say dis time eff
'twant needed, and dat powerful bad.
You see, Use alters been plain,
straight sided Niger an haint never
had no use for new fandangles, let it be
what it mout; 'ligion, pollytix, bizness
don't keer what. Old Moses say:
De ole way am de bes' way and you fell
lers dat's all runnin' teetotlum crazy
bout ebery new jimcrack dat's started,
better jes' stay whar you is, and let them
things alone. But they won't do it, no
mount of preachin' won't sarve en-
And that is jes' at this particular pint
DAT DAT MHhfrilky Hh * got dat dressin' She done
service dar dis las winter, and Satur-
day week ago she come home to make
a visit. Well dat was all good 'nuf.-
Course we was all glad to see our darter.
But you b'leve dat gal hadn't turned
stark bodily naked fool? Yes, sir; she
wasn't no more like de Meriky dat went
away jes' few munths ago dan chalk's
like cheese. Oar she cum in wild her
close pinned tight 'nuff to hinder her
from settin', an her ha'r danglin right
in her eyes, jes' for all de worr like
sheep lookin' fru brush-pile, and you
think she hain't forgot how to talk ?
She jes' rolled up her eyes ebery oder
word and famed and talked like she
spected to die de mex braf. She'd toss
dat mush head OBJ hern and try to talk
proper as to dixunarys. Stead OBJ she
calm OBJ me 'Dadday,' and her mud
der Nanny she say 'Par and Mar,
how can yo bear to reside in such one
hoss town as this Oh ! Think should
die jes' stared at dat gal till make
her out, an says to myself, otis got
to come," but don't say nothin, to
nobody bout it-all de same l know'd
| it had to come fus' as las. Well l jes'
let her hab more rope, as de sayin' is,
till she got whar 'cluded was bout de
end OBJ her tedded. Dat were on last
Sunday mornin' when she went to meet
in in such a rig, putin on a'rs till
she couldn't keep straight track
| When she coined home she brung kump-
nv wild her, and OBJ course, couldn't
| do nuthin' then; but 1 jes' kept my ears
open, and eff dat gal didn't disqualify
| me dat day, you can have my hat
Bime-by dey all gifts to talkin bout
'ligion an de clutches, and den one
young fellow, he steps up, and says ne,
sMiss Meriky, glib us your pinion bout
de matter ?" Wild dat she flung up her
head proud as Queen Victory, an says
she, s'I takes no intelligencein in sich mat
tiers dey is all too common for me-
Baptisses isa foot or two below my grade.
tends de Pisclopian chu'ch whar re-
sides, an spects to jine dat one de mex
does ebery thing so lubly, and in SO
much style. I declar', nobody but
common folks in de city goes to de
Baptiss chu'ch. 1t made me sick at my
stomach to see so much shoutin' and
groanin' dis mawn;n', tits so ungenteel
wild us to make so much sarcumlocutlons
in meetin'.' And thar she went on
grating bout de preacher acomin' out
in a white shirt, and den arunnin' back
an gittin on black one, an de people
a.iump.n' up an a-jawin at the preach
er outen book, and a-bowin OBJ dar
heads, and a-sayin' OBJ long rigmaroles
OBJ stuff, till my head fairly buzzed an
1 were dat mad at de gal l jes couldn't
see muffin in dat room. Well l les'
waited till de kumpny riz to go, and den
I steps up, an says 1, "Young folks, you
needn't let what Meriky told you bout
dat chu'ch put no change inter YOU
She's sorter out OBJ her right mind now,
but de mex time you comes she II be all
right on dat an seberal odder subJecks. "
And den dey stared at Meriky mighty
hard, an goes away.
Well jes' walks up to her and says
'Darter,' says I, what chu'ch are dat
YOU say you gwine to jine?' and says
She, very prompt like, 'De Pisclopian,
Par and says I, 'Meriky, Use mighty
consarned about you, kase knows your
mind amt right, an I shall jis' hab to
bring you round de shortest way posi-
ble.' So 1 fetch me fine bunch OF
hick' ries done prepared for dat 'casion.
An den she jumped up, an says she,
sWhat makes you think I los my sensesF
sBekase, darter, you done forgot how to
walk, and to talk, and dem is sure signs,
and wild dat jest let in on her, till |
'stonished her considerable. Fore l
were don wild her she got ober dem dyln
a'rs, an jumped as high as hopper
grass. Bime-by gins to holler, 'Oh,
Iordy daddy daddy don't glib me
no more = An says I, you're improv.
in, dat's fac'-done got your nat'ral
voice back. What chu'ch does you
'longt to Merikya' And says she, a-cryin,
Il don't long to non, Par.
Well gib her annodder leetle fetch,
an says l, sWhat chu'ch does you long
to darter an says she all choked like,
Il doesn't long to none Den Jes'
makes dem hick'rie ring for bout five
minutes, and den I say, what chu 'ch
does YOU long to now Merikyr An
saws she fairly shoutin', 'Baptiss, Use a
deep-water Baptiss.' Berry good,
says I, you don't spect to hab your
name tuck often dem chu'ch books !
An says she, mo, sar; allus did des-
pise dem stuck up Piscopians; dey amt
got no 'ligion, nohow.'
Brewer Simon, you neber see gal SO
helpen by good genteel thrashin' in
all your days. I bound she won't new
er stick her nose in dem new fandangale
clutches no more. Why, she jes' walks
as straight dis mornin' and looks as peart
as sunflower. I'll lay tenpence she'll
be a-singin' before night dat good old
hymn she usened to be SO fond OBJ
You, knows, brewer Simon, how de