Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-09-25
Massey.
Mr.. Nasty Urges the Withdrawal or Cleveland
and the Substitution Of More Avail
able Candidate.

y
Toledo Blade: 1t is plain to my mind
that our noble standard-bearer, ex-Sher-
i'll Cleveland, shoOd be Withdrawal. and
another substituted in his place. II is a
curious thing that. wenever the Dimoc-
rlsy glts show for success, it invaria-
bly, goes imejitly and makes a ass NV it.
self, and makes Republican success
certain. The kentry wus somewhat dis
satisfied with Republican rool. and wuz
ripe iur change. Wat did we go and
do? We he'd Thurman. and Bayard.
and any quantity NV men witch we Good
hev nominated, but we past EN- by, and
took up who? Ex-Sheriff Cleveland NV
Buffalo, man with record He
hezn't any record as a statesman or a
public man, but he hez privit record,
witch, like all privit records, shood be
keerfully kept out Nv site The EXC NV
the cheers witch greetid him from them
wlch wantid post-offices and SIGH hedn't
died away afore there came from under
his very nose the ominous words: MA
rlar Halpin!h Oscar Folsom Cleve-
land." and to make the matter wuss the
committy sent to the Rev. Henry Ward
Beecher for certifikit NV caracterl
And Cleveland hisself admitted the soft
the very oft-impeachment, and we
are in fix NV hevin a candidate with a
besmirched name, and with nothin in
the way of eggsperence or ability to
offset it.
And to add to the trouble it was dis
kivered the mint he wuz loaded onto
US that he had vetoed every bill that the
labrin men wantid, and advocated ev-
erything that they didn't want
Cleveland must withdraw, but who
shell we put in his place?
dread any man we ever heerd NV
wich hez bin prominent in the Dime
kratic ranks, for suthin is shoOr TO come
up that will stick to EN-. We must hev
q moo tnah-one witch starts free and
cleer and is not handicapped. Who is
it?
Solomon L. Gubbins, of Southern III
inois.
Mr.. Gubbins hez no record and no
repootashen. He was never heerd nv,
outside Nv his own county, and not
much in 1t. He is trooly Nashnel
man. He knows no north, no south. no
east, no west-no nothing.
lie is actilly married, and his wife
hez certilikit To show for il, to say
nothin NV twelve children, so no skan-
dai kin come to him to bother US. In
politiN he hez bin Dimekrat Nv a very
mild type, but that ism wUth considrin.
He heE the only quaiiscashen we need
for a Dmekratic President-he kin rite
his name without runnin his tongue out,
wich distinguishes him from his fellow
Dlmekrats in that region. That is all
we want in President, for he kin sign
cOmishunS. We don't want man for
President wich amounts to anything,
anyhow, witch is Clevelands cheef rec
ommcndashun. We hev men enuff wich
kin manage Presidents, witch hev record
wich, onforchinitly, prevent EN- from
being electid themselves. 1t makes no
difference to Barnum who actilly holds
the offs, SO that he runs the masheen.
Cleveland wood do, eff his record per-
mittid his ben electid. Gubbins is, in
corduroy, about wat Cleveland is in
broadcloth, but Gubbns hez no record
and Cleveland hez
His pollytix can't help sootin his par
ty. He hez but one politikle iiee-Di-
mocrisy ez it is, en- it hez bin, and ez it
may be. That is his hull duty NV man.
kin write a biografy for him wich
wood be entirely satisfactory to every
body | Kin hey him born NV Irish
father with German mother, brot up
IN Moo England. but dedicated in the
west. kin present him as a boy stud
Nin mites by the lite nv u pine knot, af-
Ter dom heavy days work Il loggin.
then | kln promote him to keutry
store, and so on. doing the regler thing
shOod write Seyrci biographies to SCOT
different markets. The Sixth Ward Nv
Moo York would require quite differ
ent biografy from wat Good be used in
northeastern Ohio, etc. Good hey bin
descended in one seckshun from n Ortho-
doN Congregashuual minister and from
lllinoy tavernkeeper in the other. The
advantage NV writin biography for II
man like Gubbus or Cleveland is, YOU
ain embarrassed by fax. 1t is fax witch
Kill polltikle biografy Fax amt easy
TO climb
But the advantage Nv substitootin
Gubbins lies in the time of doin it. Two
months more only RENAME till the eleck-
shun, wich besides whether | git the
post-oilis at the Corners or not. BY the
time the matter Good be fixed up, and
his letter nv acceptance wuz written for
him, only month would RENAME, and
tuai - the punt NV advantage.
The Greenbackers wood address a
letter to Gubbins askin him his views on
the money question. Gubbins wood an
ser that he wuZ in full akkord with EN-.
The hard-moncy men of the east wood
also write for his views, and he wood
promptly anSer that he wuz in full ak
kord with EN-. The tariff men NV Ohio
ami PennsylvanY wood write asking his
views on proteckshun. He would write
that he wuz in full akkord with EN-.
The Free Traders Of New York City
and the eggstreme west wood also write.
He wood anSer that he wuz in full ak
kord with EN-.
And SO, likewise, with the Prohibi-
uonists, the lkker element, the VIM
men Suilragists, and every possible
shade NY opinyun on all the different
subjiN. He wood hey but one anser:
He wood be in full akkord with every
body on everything.
You see the pint? These letters wood
reech their destination too late for any
NV en- to compare notes, aud Free
Traders and PertechshuniSts, the Pro-
hbitionists and likker men, Wimmen
Sulfragists and them opposed, Green
hackers and Honest Money men, Good
not help but vote for Gubbins, ez he
wood be in full akkord with all NV EN-.
The reglers. them which have one
eye onto the post-oilices, woodn't care a
straw about all this Ashoor them the
post-ollices and little do they keer ez to
the kind or style NV man witch sines
their commissions.
BY substituting Gubbins for Cleye-
land we won't make anything wuss,
and we DO actilly better everything.
We are promisin everybody everything
now, but we commenSt too early.
There hez bin time for the doctrin witch
we considered neSSeSSary for PennSyl-
vania to drift over into Wisconsin, and
we are confessed. We find it difficult
to divide our campane fund betwixt the
saloon-keepelS and the Prohibitionists,
for both are finding it out.
But GubbinS wood start cleer and
eileen lie wood not be handicapped by
anything Wich hez bin done. When
we drop Cleveland from the tickit, we
drop everything we hey sed about or
for him. We make him the sea pc goat
onto wich we load all the sins OF the
Dimekratic party, and turn him loose
into the wlderniS IF man SEE, but
YOU SID So-aud SOL we reply towunSt:
.OA. 'ha' WIZ Cleveland's Savin Don !
yuu ,-e, when we found him out We
dropped nim. Gubbins is not responblc