Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-03-28
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

The dark horse-Night-ma
The banker is the best known man Of.
note.
A case of much interest-When you
borrow of your uncle at the sign Of the
three balls.
AS this is leap-year women have the
privilege of whistling when they want to
stop a street car.-PhiLadelphia Chronicle.
A writer in a scientific monthly asks:
"What is a meterr It's sort of me-
chanical Jay-Eye-See. .-PhjLadelphia 0aH.'
An exchange says mush has become
popular dish in society Nothing seems
to take in society like something soft
Blizzard.
In courtship the position of purser
is occupied by man, while woman looks
after the rigging and stays. Chicago
Telegram.
Lambkin says the only sure preventive
against Western river rising would be for
him to own a lew shares of 'em.-Bostons.
Bulletin.
The largest word in the dictionary is
"disproportionabIeness." By punching
out every other letter it ought to make,
an excellent comb Chicago Sun.
And still, year after year, the standard
of college education is raised higher and
higher and higher. Columbia has Just
organized banjo club.-Haaokeye,
"Bring something good to the sur
prise party tonight" wrote young
lady to her sweetheart, and the New
York Morning Journal says che brought
tremendous appetite"
Walt Whitman's latest poem shows a
marked improvement in the construction
of rhymes. He makes suggestions"
rhyme with 'goal, "and ''sun' with ''hur+
vicanes. ."-N0rrjSt010n Herald.
We have discovered that turkeys can
be completely fooled by throwing thena
gold dollars by the handful. They snap
them up in mistake for corn. 1t is good
fun. Try it.-PhitadeJphiG Call.
''Shot dead by doctor!" Such is the
siarGG9 sRangH! fH4ol1an Ho must be very unskilfuI
physician who has to resort to powder and
ball to get rid of a patient. Boston Tran
script.
1t was only little piece of butter
cracker, yet how great and colossal and
bitter it seemed to the occupant of the
ballroom as he suddenly jumped into
bed and got it square in the small of his
back.-Pucb.
A Boston man advertises that he recov-
ers umbrellas. This man should have
good run of custom. Wewould give him
Job ourselves if we thought he could
recover the silk one we lost last spring!
--,SOmergiJle Journal.
Mother-'I am afraid Mr.. Crisscross
is not serious in his attentionsP Daugh-
ter-"He is awful bashful you knowa
but he's offering himself piecemeal. Last
night he wanted me to take his arm. ~
NeaO YORK. Graphic.
An exchange says: "What are our
young men doing!" We can't answer
for the rest of the country but around
here they are engaged mainly in trying
to lead a nine-do lar existence on a seven
dollar salary. Springs Nelos.
A Vermont man has a hen thirty-nine
years old. The other day hawk stole
! it, but after an hour came back with a
broken bill and three claws gone, put
down the hen and took an old rubber
boot in place of it.-B0ston Post.
Confucius or some other ancient write
states that little things are very often
greatest When this little bit of philosoi
ply was written the philosopher muss
have been trying to chase solitary moss
quito out of the room in the dark. -Puch
HER sTUPENDoUs SCREAM.
A Fargo young lady named Rouse
Caught glimpse of poor little mouse
And the scream that she scrome,
Shattered heavens blue dome,
And bulged out the walls of the house.
Bismarck Tribune.
A woman in Macon, Ca, has been tendN
ing a switch since 1862, and it is cons
sidered remarkable thing down there,
We should like to see Massachusetts,
woman who does not ''tend a switch" as
regularly as she does up her hair ever
day.-Loa0eH Courier.
MAIDEN MEDITATION.
Let posts sing of gentle spring,
The joys that birds and flowers bring,
The woods that with wild echoes ring,
The sky, and all that sort of thing,
In rhymes which have no reason;
But as for me when, like bee,
] seek for sweetness, fancy free,
And dart my glance with savage glee
At bashful swains who start and flee,
Give me the leap-year seasonl
- NelU York Journal