davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
Thrashing the Schoolmaster.

Cdral Pretzers Weekly publishes the
following letter from Artemus Ward,
Jr., detailing an interesting local in
cident:
Moo YoRKE, Nov. 20.
GRIT EDrruR:.-Our skule master has
found it necessary tn go tn horspi,tal.
The dorkters sey he looks ez if he he'd
bin throo sassenger masheen. And no
wonder; eff (print 1 in big type) had
BIN let along two seckunds longer bi the
klok he wood have been ov no further
yuse to humanity.
1t kahn about this way.
Sez he, Ward, spell the wurd kum-
bustyun.'
Now thets a simple snufiword & be-
gins with X. SO
begun spellin: "K-u-m-"
"Stop thet, - scz he, it begins with
&C"
Il kno BETTER" sez & begun agen,
"K-u-m, Kun, bust
"Silence, Ser yelled he, gett in
riled.
..Bust--" sez l, keep in rite on.
I'm bust w." roared he, lettin hiz
angri pashuns rize.
m culliNan, snouteu diso, ShV"-
in mi old dads spunk.
"Great Kaiser, hissed the now in
fur ated Peddelgog.
The krisis he'd KUN.
/ klenched mi ritz hand q hauling
orr, let him hev it on his binokuler,
grately injuring his vishun. Bringin in
my eft, it kollided with his cheek no X
in him endwise and sendin hiz falls teeth
plum down hiz throte.
I'm ma2nanimus am and havin he'd
reveng / TUX rest Il let the littel fellers
he he'd thrashed the day befoar take u
hand in. They WIZ fast rcdoocin him
to pulp when the CANTOR arrore and we
providently took recess and went home
fur dinner. He went home soon after
on ladder. His wife on look'n him
over referred him to the horspittal for a
diagernosis and meantime me and the
boys is on the ragged edj"-awl be-
kawse our skulemaster don't know how
to spell -u-m-b-u-s-t-s-h-u-n.
Adoo,
A. WARD, in.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

But there is another scheme for get
TING cheap clcrks that the dry goods
merchant essays, generally with great
success
1t is this:
A young man enters the store, and
asks for something to do The en-
ployer wrinkles his forehead, works his
eyebrows down on his nose to give him
the appearance Of being capable Of pro-
found thought, and says:
$50 you want workpn
sYes."
"Well. we are full at present. How
much do you expectp''
"Ten dollars a week.
.sTen dollars week!--ten dollars 4
week!" replies the merchant, snatching
the young mans sentence and hurting
it back at him like brick.
Yes, SIR says the young man; ''tcn
dollars week.
Then the merchant lies back in the
chair and regards the young man with
patronizing air.
1--WE never give srch salary to
young, fresh and inexperienced men.
We can get men of fifty, with years Of
experience, for the sum you ask. We
have no use for boys, because they are
wild and more bother than they are
worth. What we want are men OF
years and experience. We will give
yon two dollars per week" :"
The young man accepts and goes to
work. Then man of about fifty
walks in and solicits employment. The
merchant lies back in his chair so far
that, if he happens to be corpulent, he
reminds one Of the terrapin stretched
out in front of restaurant, with a pla-
card on his under shell informing the
pedestrian when he is to be served up.
Then the merchant says. as he did to
the youny man:
so you want work."
"Yes.''
"Well, we are full at present. How
much do you wantP'
Ten dollars q week.
"Ten dollars q week?' says the mer-
chant, in . tone that shows that he is
in condition bordering on asphyxia.
..Yes, SIR" responds the old man,
ssten dollars per week.
Then the merchant lies back in his
chair so far that he barely escapes go
ing all the way over and sliding along
the floor on his spine.
1--WE never give such large salary
to old men, because they are slow and
decrepit, and in their own way. We
don't care for old men, because they
have old ideas and are way behind the
times. For the sum you ask we can
get bright young men with the light Of
the morning of life in their faces. They
have new ideas, and are full of vim,
and can work five tines harder and
longer than the fossils who base their
claims on an experience that might
have been valuable in 1910. What we
want are 1--we young men. We will give
you two dollars per week"
The old man accepts. And this il
the way the merchant plays December
off against May, and May off against
December. Pack.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

No sensible man prefers wealth to
health. Some few have both; very
many haven't either. Well, you may
have first choice. Which will you
take? Health" Very well, what's
your ailment? "A little of every
thing What's the cause? "Blood
out OF order, kidneys weak, digestion
bad, hearts action irregular" Yes,
and every disease can be traced to
these same sources. just take u
Ie@ bottles of Browns Iron Bitters,
1T will remove the causes OF disease
and restore you to robust health.
Ask your druggist and use Browns
Iron Bitters.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
PRICE FIVE CENTS.

labor imposed on him in compiling
the New Digest.
The first Digest Of tho state was
small; each succeeding one was
larger in order that it might en-
brace the acts Of the preceding legis-
latures, until the work is now com.
paratlvely Of gigantic proportions.
One having no knowledge Of the
care required to gain the exact
meaning of every act passed by
every Legislature, and every decIs-
ion of the Supreme court, since the
state has been in existence, can
conceive no idea of the vast amount
OF care and labor required for such
an elaborate work rs the coming
Digest. But we think the people
of Arkansas can rest assured that
it will be done with scrupulous
regard for correctness, and with
conscientious regard for future
justice.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Charleston Vindicator: While in
OZARK last week we met w. w.
Mansfield. Ip answer TO an inquiry
about the New Digest, the Judge re-
piled that he thought he would have
the work ready on time.
Though man OF fine physical
appearance, and one who looks as il
he cou.d endure much toll, the
Judge has begun to show signs Of
care from the enormous amount ol
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
TAX ASS EssoR,s NOTICE,

Gum Log township, at Precinct, Sat
urday and Monday, March Sth and 10Th.
Gala Greek township. at Potts sta
tion, Tuesday and Wednesday, March
llth and 18th.
Wilson township, at Atkins, Thurs
day. Friday and Saturday, March 18th,
18th aud 18TH.
Illinois township, at Russellyille,
Monday, Tuesday aud "Wednesday,
March 18th, 18th aud 18th.
Dover township, at Dover, Thursday,
Friday and saturday, March Goth, 2lst
and 22nd.
All persons are requested to meet me
at one OF the aboye-named places.
A. X. ROBINSON.
Assessor,
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

1t must haye been a terrible state
of affairs, that caused the Psalmist
to ask: "Who can stand before his
cold?" In his day the remedies were
few and doubtful; how much happier
should this generation be, that has n
household remedy, DR.. Bulls Cough
5, rup; so wonderful has been its
cures that millions rise up and call
it "blessed."
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
oat Of Season.

He walked into high-toned restau-
rant on Woodward avenue and seated
himself at one of the tables with aD air
Of being at home. After polishing a
glass and chasing the croton-bug over
The plain, he beckoned to colored at
tendant:
"Any quail, waiter"
"Yessahr'
.Quail on ----"
Toast? Yessahw
"Srkc, but hear me. Have you got
any quail on trustP"
mo, sahl It's entirely out OBJ season.
,ahr'
so supposed. Bring me a glass Of
water and stale cracker and collect
In ivance. 49, Detroit Free Press
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

The longevity of medical men is
well illustrated by some figures in the
London Lance. The year now drawing
to close has witnessed the death Of
thirty five more or less eminent mem
bers of the profession, of whom two
were ninety five years of age, two
ninety-four, two ninety-two, one ninety
one, two ninety, one eighty mine, three
eighty-eight. three eighty-seven, five
eighty-six, two eighty-iiye, three eighty
four, four eighty-three, one eighty-two
and four eighty. The two seniors in
this list began their career as army sur
goons and served in the Spanish and
Belgian wars.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

II is said that "out OF every one
hundred and nine female school
teachers, seven marry every year."
How awful it must be for those sew
en- women to marry every wear.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
One Of the most curious suits evel

One of the most curious suits ever
recorded was recently instituted by Mr.
Kregolo, Of indianapolis, against
Charles Graham. Years ago Graham
had leg amputated an 1t seems that
Kregolo, who is an undertaken, has
kept ii in his vS;ilt since. The other
day he began Snit for vaultagc, the ac-
count reading thus. ITO vaultage on
a limb Of Charles Graham for 168
months, at 80 a month. 1904. ."--IH-
diannpol;s journal.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

For Round Worms, Tape Worms
and Spasms use nothing but Wilder's
Mothers Worm Syrup.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
George Macdonald hews d,

George Macdonald hews pretty
close to the line. Il would gladly see
boy Of mine choose rather TO be >
blacksmith or matchmaker or book
binder than clerk Production. maxi
ing. is higher thing in the scale Of
reality than any mere transmissioR,
such as huving and settling
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Millions OF people die with Scrofu-
la. Ii these victims would use
Wilders SarsapariIla and Potash
their lives would be saved.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

-1he Jesse James show was re-
fused license in New Haven on the
ground that Jesse James, being a
noted thief, robber and murderer, u re-
cital OF his lawless acts would have a
perncious influence upon the minds Of
our youth H. Hartford Post.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Your character cannot be essen
italy injured except by your own
acts.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

"The Lord loves cheerful giver."
In all cases where Tonic Is needed
give Wilder's Stomach Bitters---it is
the boss.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

If anyone speaks evil of you let
your life he so virtuous that none
will believe him.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

A mild, delightful invigorant for
delicatcs Females is Wilder's stom-
ach Bitters. Cures costiveness and
headache.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

All kinds of Blood and Skin Dis.
eases cured with Wilder's Sarsapa-
rilla and Potash.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

No more Indigestion or Nervous
Debility If you use Wilder's Stomach
Bitters.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

When you speak TO person look
him in the face.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
Always speak the truth.

Piso's Cure will cure Coughs, As
thma, Bronchitis and Consumption.
20 cents. mch28
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

When you retire To bed think
over what you have done during the
day.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Keep your own secrets if you have
any.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

At Dover. on thc4th Monday IN March and
ist Monday in January 'uif anu oc'ooer'
PROBATE COURT:
At power, on the LIST Monday IN May and sd
,,andsy in January, july and October.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Live up to your engagements.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

No more doctors bills TO pay for
Syphilis, and all Veneral Diseases.
Wilders Sarsaparilla and Potash
cures all.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Good character is above all things
else.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

. st. Ru,,tIloills 'Ptttls HtH'ttat.

m.v RussgLLvILLE PRINTING ASSOCIATIONS
1dh Pr0pristor6.
II sUINN, President.
SSF0. E. HOWELL, Fice-President,
~ NJCNDAY, secretary,
II. BAIRD. Treasurer.
+. JoBE, Business Manager.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Never listen to loose or idle con-
versation.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
church and Society Directory,
ppFSByTERfAg oHURcH

ur NiIuer. pastor. Preaching every Sab
III a. II a. m. and 7:30 p. IN. Prayer meet
;mr 20, every Thursday at 1880. p. m. Sabbath
lanasooI Al Q A. m every sabbath.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Good company and good conversa-
tion are the very sinews of virtue.
1t costs One Dollar al d it saves
your life-Wilder's Sarsaparilla and
Potash-curcs all diseases OF the
Blood and Skin.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Make no haste to be rich If you
would prosper.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
BAPTIST CHURoH.

tp Weayer pastor. Preaching every 2d
81 u .,h sabbath at II am. andT 80 pm. fray
y az meeting every Tuesday night. Sabbath
school A. m. every sabbath
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Kill Worms in Children with
Wildcr's Mothers Worm Syrup.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
APAPER FOR THE PEOPLE.
i88A--Directory.--l88
Court 9TH judicial District.

TIVE or HOLDING COURT:
pone County-First Monday in April and
{ Noyembec.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Chosen Friends Lodge No, 36, !. O. Q. +.
meets every first and third Monday nights OF
each month.
NJ. ii. BAIrD. N. G.
A. NJ. HARTsELL, Sec.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
METHODIST CHUReH, SoUTH,

,.p Melton. pastor. Preaching 1st and Sd
enndays at II am and z 30 pm. Prayer meet
ing Wednesdays, 1870 p M. Sabbath school
$50 d. IN.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Keep good company or none.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

yETH0DTsT EPISCOPAL CHURCH.
7. Il. Hendriokson. pastor Preaching LIST
md al Sabbath, II n. IN. and 7:30 y. m. Prayer
meeting Thursdays, 7:so p. NJ. sabbath sehoo'
Ga. VI.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Make few promises.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Drink not Intoxicating liquars.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13
cHRLSTIAN CHERK.

preaching the fst and 2d Lor Day in each
month by Ed G.. W. IIarkey. Sunday school
sta.sD a. m., each Lords Day. and prayer
meeting at night. All are invited.
The Russellville Democrat., 1884-03-13

Cdral Pretzers Weekly publishes the
following letter from Artemus Ward,
Jr., detailing an interesting local in
cident:
The Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (New Albuquerque, N.M.) 1882-1884, 1884-03-23
THE LOWER HOUSE
OF CONGRESS In SESSION.
Arguments i'm Favor and Against the
Bonded Extension BiII---BiIIs
introduced and Referred.
H0us0.

WASHINGTON, D. c., March 22.-The
regular order of business being demand.
ed, Belford, Colo, appealed to the House
to allow one hour to be devoted to the
consideration of Senate bills on the
Speakers table, and the appeal proving
ineffecual, he solemnly declared no more
bills could be passed during the remain
der of the session.
On the call for committee reports the
following were submitted: Nichols
( Weights and Measures. to establish an
assay office at Deadwood. The
House then went into Committee of the
Whole on the bonded extension bill
Herbert resumed argument against the
bill.
Thompson, KY, supported the bill
which he said presented the question as
to whether the government would bank
rupt one class of its citizens, when it did
not require for sny purpose the money
which would fall due. He was not in fa-
vor of demanding the pound of flesh and
4 expressed his surprise that his friends
| from the south (Blount and HERBERT
should uphold such a policy, saying,
"In the name of the law we demand
bankruptcy for these people" The ques-
ton of temperance was not involved in
this measure, but if few cranks in the
House would vote for the bill it would re-
suit in keeping whisky in bond and out
of consumption.
Milliken, Me, while denying that, he
vas a temperance crank, inquired
whether, even if the bill passed, whisky
would net be taken ont of bond in the
course of time?
TO which Thompson replied, it would
pass into consumption, for he had never
seen one of that class before making a
speech who would not step behind the
door and wet his whistle,
Clements, Ga, opposed the bill.
Breckenridge, Ark, favored it. He
made an exhaustive speech, in which he
went into the history of legislation al
fecting the whisky industry, and de-
gcribed the hardships under which that
interest now suffered, ,>and maintained the
equity and justice of the government in
stepping in and saving it from bank
ruptcy. His speech was received with a
good deal of attention from his party as
sociates.
York, N. C., expressed desire to see
Hiscock. NY :, opposed the bill.
Ray n. Y, opposed turning the nation
into a whisky store house declaring that
the bill asked the government to become
wet nurse for the big baby-the whisky
interests. Before the conclusion of the
debate the committee rose.
Hancock, Tex, from the Committee ON
Appropriationf reported the pension ap-
preparation bill. Sent to the Committee
on the Whole Beach, N. Y, offered a
resolution calling on the Secretary of the
Interior for copies of all leases made by
him for the use, or occupation of any
ground in the Yellowstone National Park
and, also, for information as to whether
the leases had complied with the .condi-
tons of the lease and as to the provisions
made to prevent the wanton destruction
of fish and game in the park. Adopted,
Adjourned,
The Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (New Albuquerque, N.M.) 1882-1884, 1884-03-23
Foot and Mouth.

NEOSHO FALLS, March 22.=The fol-
lowing veterinary sergeons have been in
consultation here and made a thorough
investigation of the alleged foot and
mouth disease among cattle: Dr. Beattie,
of ChiCa 20, D. E. Salmon. veterinary for
department of agriculture, Or. w. Trum-
baneer, of Sterling. DIR. George c Faviil,
of Colorado State Agricultural College, DIR.
E. S. Hazard, an old Scotch sergeon now
of Lexington, DIR. Harris, of Lexington,
DIR. Stocker, of Iowa, and DR.. Hill. These
gentlemen are positive they have discov-
cred the source of trouble, and all agree
first that it is not epizootic aptha, lacking
many symptoms of that disease. 1t IS
not the result of the lack of care, neither
is it alkah water, as has been asserted.
1t is no contagious disease whatever. as
not anew case has appeared for a week
in the infected herds, although the wealth
er has been moist and warm. The COM
mittee examined the hay and found that
it contained a large amount of wild rye.
which was full of ergot, The surgeons all
say they never saw one twentieth part as
much ergot in a bundle of feed The
theory is that the ergot by contracting
blood vessles and otherwise retarding
circulation in the extremities, caused the
feet to freeze.
Thus ends the scare. The people did
only what was prudent on finding a dis
ease which they did not understand; they
reported TO the Governor; he applied to
the general government for the best skill
they could furnish. The superintendent
of Missouri sent an expert whom they
fully recommended. The Agricultural
Department at Washington sent another.
The decision has been published far and
wide. While many did not give full faith
to it, it was thought a duty in justice to
other sections to act in accordance. Had
they not done SO and a terrible disease
had been allowed to spread over the State
our people would have been condemned.
They are very glad to learn that they
erred on the safe side.
Counsel for representative w. Pitt Kel-
logg to-dav sent the Attorney General a
communication notifying him that they
would, on Wednesday next, move in the
criminel court to have the case against
him, in connection with the Star Route
frauds, set down for immediate trial.
The Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (New Albuquerque, N.M.) 1882-1884, 1884-03-23

our earnest and undivided support in the
gallant fight he is making in the interests
of the people.
RESOLVED, That c. c. McComas, who
occupies seat in the Territorial Council
as organized, and has announced his de-
termination to vote against the interests
of the people who elected him, and the
people of the Territory, and in the inter
ests of corrupt ring at Santa Fe, is here
by notified by the unanimous voice of the
people of this county, that his course is
regarded as betrayal of his most sacred
trust, and we call upon him to resign the
office which he has abused, and retire to
that obscuriy which awaits him here
after.
Judge Trimble spoke to the resolutions
and said all must stand together in this
fight and We are sure to win.
B.W. Murrey made some remarks that
were loudly applauded as touching the
Santa Fe ring
The resolutions were adopted with a
rousing cheer, and without a dissenting
voice.
Col Sullivan moved that they be hand
somely engrossed aud presented to the
guest of the evening, our worthy and no
BILE Representative, William H. White
man. Adopted.
The meeting then adjourned, with
resolution to fight the steal and the
thieves.
The Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (New Albuquerque, N.M.) 1882-1884, 1884-03-23
Washington GOSSIP.

WASHINGTON, d. c., March 22.-Agent
Rierdon, of the Navajo agency in Arizo-
ma, who came to this city with delega-
ton of that tribe, who will endeavor to
have the boundaries of that reservation
extended and defined, has been suddenly
called to the agency by a dispatch from
the agent stating that an outbreak OF the
Indians was imminent
The Commissioner of Indian Affairs
received the following telegram from In
dian Agent Dyer, now with the Cheyen-
mes on Tongue river, Montana: "Miles
City, Mont, March 2I.-Black Calls band
has burned down Anderson's ranch. A
COW boy shot an Indian; cause unknown
Particulars by mail. Great excitement
prevails and am afraid of trouble. Fur
ther particulars as soon as received. No
mail or telegraph nearer than sixty-6ve
miles
In his report to the Commissioners of
! the General Land Office, George w.
Fairchiid, deputy United States surveyor
of Nebraskt, says; All agricultural land
in that section has been fenced in by cat
tie men. Their ranges extend for hun
dreds of miles, and they have wire fences
inclosing all desirable public lands, and
| even water COURSES are pOStcQ, dl Inter
walls, with notices threatening death to
persons opening them. Herders assert
that they hold these lands under the des-
ert land and timber culture laws. The
result is complete check to persons at
tempting te make homestead settle
ments.
The House Committee on Appropria-
tions completed its consideration of the
pension appropriation bill. The me24-
ure appropriates S2o,684,4oo. and pro-
vides that any balance in the appropria-
ton forth recent fiscal year, may be re-
tanned as unexpended on June 80, 1884,
and shall be reappropriated. The ap-
propriations in detail are for
invalids, widows, minor children
and dependent relatives, and for
the survivors and widows of the war of
900; for fees and expenses
of examining surgeons, 100000; for pay
and allowance oi pension, for salary fees,
for preparing vouchers, rent, fuel, lights
and postage on letters to the executive