News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-02-14

| Solo.
"That's just the trouble; they are
frozen too solid.'
"Too solid p
eyes," sorrowfulIy returned the
dealer, when ice is frozen as thick as
now, the expense of handling it is SO
great as to take off all the profit. lam
afraid ice will come very high next
summer"
SAVING MONEY.
"See here, sir, exclaimed the presi-
dent of Western railroad, 81 under
stand that you stopped your train be-
tween stations to let off man who had
got on the wrong road, instead of going
right on to the next station
eyes, sir"
"Don't you know that by so doing
you took the risk of being run into by
the through express ?"
eyes, SIR
"And that If an accident had occurred
it would have cost the company thou
sands of dollars %
Eyes, sir"
"Well, you are discharged.
'*But, sir, by putting off that man I
saved the company no end of money
which you would have had to pay for
extra coal to pull the overloaded train. !"
"How do you make that out? What
difference would one man make? Who
was he, anyhow ?"
"David Davis"
''You did right. Go back to your
post.
AN ADNTIRING STRANGER.
"Do you notice how attentively that
gentleman has been watching me for
the last half hour ?' said one young lady
to another at an evening party in New
York.
"Do you mean that handsome man
near the piano."
eyes"
''Well, now that you speak of it, he
does seem somewhat Interested in you"
"He certainly does. I DECLARE con-
tinued the young lady, gaily, 81 believe
he has fallen in love with me. Isn't it
delightfully."- romantic p"
A few moments later she was talking
with her hostess, when, as an oppor-
tunity presented itself, she carelessly re-
marked
''My dear Mrs. B., pray tell who that
quiet but very distingue looking gentle
man is near the piano I do not re-
member of ever seeing him before"
Probably not" replied the lady,
"but he is quite well known in New
York's best society. He is detective"
A GREAT DODGE.
Jones-'T see that the government is
educating 10000 Indian children at its
own expense"
Smith-"Yes; great dodge, isn't it p
Jones-''Great dodge? How SO? ?"
Smith-"Why, you see, the copper
colored youngsters are put through the
same kind of examining process that
white children are subjected to, and
even if they live to grow up they won't
have strength enough left to go on a
war path.
HIS BUSY SEASON.
Stopping in front of Chestnut street
liquor store gentleman said to the pro-
prietor who stood in the doorway:
81 notice you are stocking up very
heavily in your line of goods"
eyes," he answered; "our busy sea-
son soon begins and we must be pre-
pared to meet the extra demand"
''Surely this is not a time of year
when you have busy season ?" said the
gentleman, in some surprise.
"Yes, it isl was the answer. "Jan-
uary is our best month. In about
week from now what is technically
known as the broken-resolution trade
opens up"
IN A CANADIAN HOTEL.
Clerk-"Yes, sir, we have plenty of
rooms left. I suppose you would like
one in the north wing, where you will
not be seen, and you wish your meals
sent to you, besides having an extra
watchman detailed to keep inquisitive
people away. just hand me your va
lise, and will put it in the safe. We
will take good care of you, and only
charge you $40 day."
Guest-'But, my dear sir, I don't
want all these things. Give me a COM
Portable room and will take my meals
in the regular dining-room as for my
valise, there is nothing in it but a few
changes of clothing"
Clerk-"Oh in that case we can ac-
commodate you for SO day. I mistook
you for an American cashier"
SOMETHING NEW.
First Actress-'I see you have man.
aged to ATTRACT attention by having your
diamonds stolen again."
Second Actress-"Oh, you think it
was only an advertising dodge, do you?
Well, I would have you know that it is
nothing of the kind"
First Actress-"If / were going to try
that game 1 should invent something
new. Having diamonds stolen is rather
ancient"
Second Actress-"Invent something
new? Well, you might start a report
that burglar got into your room and
run off with your new wig and false
teeth"
A NARROW ESCAPE.
Boy-"Please, sir, there is lady
wishes to see you.'
Great Editor-"Did she give you her
card?"
Boy-"No. She said her name was
Ella Wheeler"
Great Editor "Indeed 1 shall be de
lighted to have the honor to meet that
talented poetess. Show her inatonce.
Boy-s'But, sir, you forget, sir.
Great Editor-"Forge what ? Hurry
up. Show her in.
Boy-"This is leap year.