The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1884-12-31
WIT AND HUMoR.

"Hlu-nLIs oy TWO per day. IL will b.
great place if the wind holds out
Aeio Orleans Rcay'ne
Holland has 10000 windmius. Du
ring presidential campaign Americ;
can see Holland and go her abou
$4,000 windmills better.
We don't know why the god of mar
riage Is called Hymen, Julia, unless i
Is because the groom is generally
very short man after his marriage.
/ New York society is preparing foI
another war between the rich familie.
whose fathers began life as peddlers
and those whose grandfathers did
Philadelphia Gail.
Dramatic views: s.Your son is an
actor. You say. Mr. Maginnis?" Faith
he Is. Where does he act?' Down
the Bowery" And what roles does
he playP" Rolls. is it! Faith. he
rolls up the curtain. "-RamJler.
why did you strike that boy. nv
son?' asked father. Cause he said
/ stole his top" And YOU struck him
to prove to him that YOU did not take
it, eh?' No, sir, cause l did take it,
but can whip any boy that SAYS so. =
-Arkafisa10 TraceIer.
A father-in-law at a wedding at
tempted to chaff the groom: Il hope
now, sir, that YOU will not get into any
more scrapes. NO. said the new
son-in-law, Il shall not have a chance;
shall never get out of this one. -
Providence NeiCS.
Terrified City Milkman (fIling his
can at the pump)-.Great Scottl
What's that? Mary bring the gun
quick, there's wild beast in the ward. "
Mary (who was once in the country
why, you old fool, that's a GOVT"
I. c. Milkman-"You don't say so. !"
Puck
Say, ma, seen a nigger put seven
eggs in his mouth all at once said
Johnny Quarle as he came in from his
supper. 'Humph, that's nothing: YOUR
father put that butcher shop and a
horse and wagon into his" tartlv re-
piled Mrs. Quarle. Whisky was the
ruination of the old man.
There is a tendency to refine on
phrases that convey TO the mindrepuc-
nant ideas. Hence our friends don't
die; they have entered into rest" In
asmuch as the condition of the depart
ed is somewhat problematical, how
would il be to substitute the following:
Withdrawn from circulation Dos
ton Post.
How much did Mr.. Smith give YOU
at his wedding?n asked a minister's
wife of her husband Two dollars" "
We'll, that's a very insignificant sum
for rich man like Mr.. Smith to pay
for such a service. > lit does seem n
small amount" he replied, but YOU
must remember that he has been mar
ried before. ''-NetO York San.
A mother in New York City whose
little son had fallen from the roof of
her dwelling and caught on a telegraph
wire, whence he was rescued by dar-
ing descent of another lad upon a fire
escape, spanked her son and gave his
rescuer 10 cents. Whatever may be
said of the latter act, the former show
ed wisdom beyond that of the present
age.
A sharp trick was played upon
Lambertyille citizen few days ago.
He gave a tramp pair of old panta-
looms and was surprised shortly after
wards by a chap returning and giving
him five dollar note, which he said he
had found in one OF the pockets. So
pleased was the citizen with the tramps
honesty that he prescribed him with
silver dollar, but imagine his rage upon
discovering shortly afterwards that the
bill was counterfeit Trenton True
american.
Two middle-aged women, who had
not seen each other for years, met the
other day in City-Hall Park, and en-
braced effusively. After they had re-
covered their breath one asked: Are
you married?" ''Oh, yes, and have
five children-my husband is a brick
carrier in West Twenty-third street
care you married?n ''Yes, indeed"
"And your husband?' HE is a brick
carrier, too" ''Where does he carry?"
I'm his hat
A tramp applied to an Elizabeth, On.
j. woman for food one day last week,
and she scolded him saying: ''Why
don't you come at decent time-right
after dinner or breakfast-not in the
middle of the morning." He said: 81
hain't got no watch" in such piteous
manner, that she relented and went to
the kitchen to get him something.
Meanwhile her reproof sunk deep into
his heart, and, to guard against max
ing such a mistake in the future, he
walked into the parlor and carried oft
the handsome mantel clock.
Excuse me, madam, said gentle
man politely 10 a lady from whose head
he had accidently pulled false switch
in a crowded car. ''I've seen enough
of you to convince me that you are no
gentleman" exclaimed the confused
woman "And l." returned the suave
man, handing back the lost switch,
''have seen enough of you to convince
me that you are no gentleman either.
''Pat, have you any prairies in Ire
land like we have in Illinois?" "To be
shure we have. Didn't yez iver hear of
Tipperary? ?'- Yon5ers Statesman.
A prominent lawyer now practicing
in this city tells the following: IAN old
darkey was under indictment for some
trivial offence and was without coun-
sci. The Judge appointed me to de-
fend him. | was young and very fresh
at the time, and it was my first case in
court. As / went forward to consult
with my client he turned to the Judge
and said: 'Yo' Honah, am dis de law
yer what am appointed to offend me?'
Yes was the reply. Well said
the old darkey, take him away, Jedge;
1 pleads guilty IN T. World.
A little fellow was climbing an apple
tree, and when on the topmost limb, he
slipped and fell to the ground. He was
picked up in an insensible condition.
After watching by his bedside through
many weary hours his mother per-
ceived signs of returning consciousness.
Leaning over him she asked him if
there was anything she could do for
him now that he began to feel better.
Should she bathe his forehead, or
change his pillow, or fan him? Was
there anything he wanted? Opening
his eyes languidly, and looking at her
the little sufferer said: Yes, | want a
pair of pants with a pocket behind. "
He got them.-N Y. Tribune.
Brother Gardner announced the fol-
lowing new legends to be hung on the
walls during the fall and winter term:
"a bigot am mo- to be feered dan a
fule :" ''You kin silence a man by
knockin' him down. but it takes argy-
ment to convince him." Human ma
tur' kin sometimes be depended upon
ober night, but it's the safest way to
take note of hand fur it. :" "a man 5
rating am not how much he kin run in
debt, but how nigh he kin squar' up
ebery Saturday night" Industry am
zo,tip 70 Iripo p1nufv and acOuorly