Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-04
BORROWED WIT.
A shoer sign-Thc cobblcr'-.
Fur long-A sealskin dolman.


, Never gets water tght-Thr tomato
can tramp.
Proverb for ball -players-A hoin.
base is sounder than foreign tenor.
The under-toe aceompanics "A foot
wave. They 90 hand in hand, ~ 10
speak.
An uptown landlady calls "a ioar.ler
"PhTnix," because he rises from the
hashes and flies.
| Senator Plumb denies having said
that newspapers were a nuisance.
a man may say he has got the boss
wife without intimating that he IL hen
pecked.
at won't do for IA married man to
say to his wife, 'ncvcr mind" She IN
apt to take him at his word.
In some parts Of Kentucky water is
used for drinking purposes.
A st. Louis editor has nose which
is not bit red, and never has been.
Complaint is made that Rochester
beer is being adultcratcd with comets
A storekeel'er in Cincinnati cannot
talk German, and yet he has quite a
large trade.
A Boston girl was recently asked "a
question in Greek, and she did not un-
derstand it.
y New York girl has married a
Choctaw Indian. 10 will find some one
who is up to the scalping business IN
well as he.
Now that square plates have become
the fashion, married men ill have to
look out for the corners. II il had
enough to hit with round plate.
| A p,isson what amt got no mussy
iur animal amt got none fur "A man
an he is only KEEP from beatin' a man
case he's a coward.
DE puttiest wimmen in sometimes de
wurst when da gifts reused up. Dc
honey bee lives a mighty sweet lite, hut
oh, Lawd, what a stinger he's got.
"It's an i'll wind that blows nobody
good" as the man remarked when his
| wife elOped, taking his mother in law
| with her.
The husband il called the head of
the family only by those young writers
who haven't had any experience In
married life.
About the only time man wishes he |
were woman is when he has 10 give
up his seat TO woman in a street
car. l
Ella Give years old, who has broken |
a windOw)-"Papa, dear, don't heat
me; substract it rather from my
marriage dowry."
A Partisan shoemaker advertises his
ability to give expression to the foot.
good many men can do that, and
some Of them can give il very severe
expression, too.
1t has been demonstrated that any
Maid of the Mist can pass the Niagara
whirlpool, but that's poor satisfaction
for swimmers not built on the steam
boat plan.
Use sOrter s'pcious oh de preacher
what pretends ter despise riches an den
tries ter tempt people inter Heaben by
tellin' 'em dat de streets is paved wild
gold.
Bartholdi's statue of Liberty" will
he put up in New York harbor early
next spring. To give it national in
terest it will wear pair Of David Davis
pants and one of Senator Tabor's night
shirts.
A mild winter: School Inspector
"Can you tell me of mild winter in
your recollection. my boy?" Eyes, mir.
The winter of 'Sl was mild one. Our
teacher was sick for six weeks during
that term"
Visitor: "What in the world IN that
humping and bouncing up stairs! You
surely haven't lOcksmith's shop above
you?" "Lady Of the house: ..Oh, no
that is only the actress who lives above
rehearsing her part in the drama."
Barnum's fat woman stayed at a
Florida Hotel for two months, and be-
ing unable to endure the scant diet any
longer, determined. to leave without
paying. The landlord locked her in,
but she crawled through the keyhole
and got away.
In San Francisco the other day, the
question, "WhO was the father Of his |
country?" was answered by one half Of |
the children, "George Washington"
The other half yelled "Denis Kearney."
This shows that Kearney's influence is |
declining.
has heard folks say dat da could
tell a smart man by lookin' in h,s eye,
but dis is a mistake. DE mole amt
got no eye ter speak oh, but dinged II |
he amt got more sense den de toad
what ken look at yer ten minutes widout |
winkin'.
A German doctor is the authority for
the statement that blowing horns will
cure consumption. Has now, con-
cumptvie, here's your cure! When
you call for a horn OF beer just blow the
frOth off it. Don't drink il.
Chryssipus, the philosopher, died
from laughter, at one Of his own jokes.
Chrys. was not contributor 10 Lon
don comic weekly. The "didnt-know- /
it-was-loaded" joke is about the only
kind that kits in this country.
An admirer Of this paper was in the
editorial rooms this morning and showed
us curiosity in the shape Of a walking
stick, which, he said, belonged 10 Gin
derella's grandmother. There was only
| one end to it.
A well-known citizen, while at sup
per last night, had "a narrow escape
from breaking all his teeth. lie was
just ON the point Of tasting the beef
steak when the cook rushed in and
in great terror explained that the
butcher had made IA mis- steak. and the
meat left with them was the piece in
tended for a boarding-house over the
| way.
"Fourthly," said hard shell Bap-
tist preacher, who was trying To destroy
all the beauty in nature and art, Fourth
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