The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1884-12-31
VARIETIES.

What are the pauses?, asked the
teacher OF the primary class. "Things
at the foot.
Dig him out, dig him outr' said the
wife of man who cot buried in a cav
ing well; ''he's got at least six dollars
III his pocket.
"A dozen New Haven girls recently
took a tramp through the Adirondacks, y
says an exchange. Some tramps have
honors thrust upon then.
"HIow does Pat propose to get over
SSlngle-blessedness?'' said the priest to
Pats friend. "Why, he proposes to
Bridg-it," replied the friend.
Come, Mamie, it's time for you to go
to bed" Il don't want to go to bed"
but you must Don't you know that
Ies but the old hen went to bed with
them"
| Good morning, Murphy; are those
! your children?" ''Yis, sor that is my
small potato CROP 'Why do you say
that?'' Because, sir, they are all little
Murphies."
Ii you We're suddenly reduced to alb
lect poverty, what business would you
start at?'' asked a young man of MIR.
Schanmburg. SIN dot gase," responded
he slowly, II would 60 into pishness in
a small way in vich / could make fifty
per shent profit.
Papa" said little boy, looking up
from his Sunday-school lesson, 'are all
of our deeds in this world recorder"
''Not always" replied the old man, who
is real estate lawyer, 81 lost $3.50 once
by falling to record a deed"
There is great deal of enterprise in
this country. The managers of an Iowa
cattle fair, finding that murderer was
to be hanged the week their fair was in
session, tried to have the hanging take
place on their grounds, as one of the at
fractions.
Little girl-"Papa, did mamma say
yes to you right off when you asked her
did," Little girl--"Why don't she say
to do things?" Papa Mammals hear
ing is not as good now, darling-that's
all.
Willie had been forbidden to ask for
dessert. The other day they forgot to
serve him, and as Willie is very obedi-
ent, he remained silent, although much
''pass me plate" "Won't you have
mine, papa?" said Willie; cit is very
clean"
The five-year old son of family, the
other day, stood watching his baby broth
er, who was making great noise over
having his face washed. The little fell
low at length exclaimed to the baby:
''You think you have lots of trouble,
but YOU do not know anything about it.
Wait till YOU are big enough to get a
lickin' and then you'll see; won't he
mamma"
The officer who opens the court is
called "crier." On one occasion the said
officer had lost his wife, who had led him
an uncomfortable life, and he was, OF
course, absent from his post. When the
court came in, the judge, as usual, said
~'Mr. Crier, open the court" young
and facetious lawyer addressed the court
as follows "May it please your Honor,
Mr.. B cannot cry to-day; he has lost
his wife ~
A charming young lady of Albany Wis
ting friends at Melrose, recently sentup
a TOW balloon, to which she attached a
card bearing her name, and the further
inscription eff any good-looking young
bachelor or widower finds this, will he
nlease return it?'' The balloon, after a
weeks absence, was found near Pitts
town by young farmer He returned
it with his compliments and his
photographic
'You must give up all tricks of the
trade" said the pastor to the grocer If
you expect to go to heaven" - have
thought about that for a long time. /
think | will after the first of January"
"Why not do so now, brother? There IS
no time like the present" 81 can't do
it now very well, but will then. )"
NWhv do YOU set that date" because
on the first of the year | retire from bus
mess. IN. y. Times.
Mrs. Sniverly is the wife of the cap
tain of New York militia company.
She attended a review not long since, at
/ which her husband was the commanding
officer Mrs. Sniverly laughed all the way
home, and when, after she got home,
! She was asked the cause of her merri-
ment she replied: at was the funniest
thing in the world to see my husband,
who never dares open his mouth athome
ordering all those men about, and they
doing lust what he told them to do.
Whv don't he try that game on me ~
An Irishman, who was dealer in a
small way and kept donkey and cart,
came ON one occasion to bridge where
q toll was levied, but to his disappoint-
ment, found he had not enough money
to nav it. A bright thought struck him.
He embarrassed the donkey and put it
into the cart. Then, getting between
shafts himself, he pulled the cart, with
the donkey standing in it, on to- the
J bridge. In due course he was hailed by
\ The toll collector. "Hey, ma man, =
IA cried the latter, "whaur's yer toll ~
Y "Begorra, /" said the Irishman, ''just AK
4 the droiveri"