The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-08-08
WHY WE LAUGH.

The heated term-"You are lisr. ."-Bos
ton Courier.
A grave mistaks-Burying a live man.
baltimore Every Saturday.
Baseball is like the yellow fever-nothinp
can stop it but cold Merchant
Trareler.
A writer In an exchange tells chow to
make match SAFE" Soak 1t In water.-Ne,c
York Grdphic.
"Brevity Is the soul of it," she murmured
as she contemplated her new bathing suit
Ne,o York Dial.
Although cyclone may take away the
roof Of house, 1t has never been known to
carry off the mortgage.
Palming off last years ice on the COM
munity has been started by some of the Ice
dealers.-Cdrl Pretzel.
A manufacturer of baseballs committed
suicide yesterday. Thus conscience doth
make towards Of US Cincinnati Times.
George Washington could as readily tell a
lie as any other man when politician tried
to pass one on Cincinnati Commercial
Gazette.
young man in Syracuse has sent chal-
lenge TO another for q banjo contest. This
is new way Of picking a suarrel.-Lo,cel
Citizen.
"Siam Is the place where there are neither
Jews nor swine," said person to q Roths.
child once. "Indeed," was the reply. "Let
US 60 and exhibit ourselves there. e."-Je,uish
Messenger.
Choosing wife is very much like order.
ing meal in = Paris resta lrant when you
don't understand French. You may not get
what you want, but you will get something.
philadelphia Call.
Frank Hilman, the man who invented the
polka, has just died at Prague, aged 80 years.
1t is supposed he got his inspiration from
seeing barefooted boy who had just kicked
an old hat with brick hidden in 1t.
General Lew Wallace, who is reported to
have said he lived in Turkey three years and
had never spoken to Turkish woman, neg
lected to state that Mrs. Wallace had also re-
sided there the same three years.-Peoria
Transcript.
A young man, meaning to be very gallant,
presented lady with rose, saying: "Msd.
anne, allow me to present you to cne Of your
sisters" Judge Of his chsgrin when bug
crawled out and sat down in the center of
the rose.- Burlington Free Press.
"What do you think of my mustache ?"
asked young man Of his girl. "Oh, it re-
minds me Of Western frontier city," was
the answer" "In what respect, pray ?" "Be-
cause the survey Is large enough hut the
settlers are struggling. Narration Indepen-
dent.
"Just to Think" said a Vasssr graduate,
"here Is an account Of train being thrown
from the track by misplaced switch. How
utterly careless some women are about leav-
ing their hair around" And she went on
reading and eating caramels.--Hartford
Times.
A merchant traveller at dinner requested
the waiter to bring him q piece of rare beef,
and when it came 1t was rare indeed.
"Water," he remarked warningly, As he
looked at the undope dish. ayes sah," re-
sponded the darkey. "Take this beef out,
please, and kill It," The waiter crawled
into napkin ring and disaPpeared.--Aer-
chant Trareler.
Old Nine. Rothschild, mother of the
mighty capitalists, attained the age of 9s.
Her wit, which was remarkable, snd her in
tellectual faculties, which were of no COM
mon order, were preserved to the end. In
her last illness, when surrounded by her
family, her physician being present, she
whispered in q suppliant tone to the latter,
"Dear doctor, try to do something for me-"
"Msdame, what can / do? cannot make
you young again" "No, doctor; l don't
want 10 be young again, but want to con-
tinue to grow old."--La Semaine Frdncaise.
rIs this the through train," asked . trav.
eler of the brakeman, Is he entered an un-
occupied car. "Yes, sir" replied the train
man, turning over . couple Of seats before
making his exit. And then the tired trav.
eler fixed himself for . nap. After dream.
ing of awakening In Albany he did awake,
and found the car in the same place where It
had been before be had his nap. With fire
In his optic be sought the brakeman. "Look
here, you tow-headed ruffian, didn't you tell
me this was the through train ?" 81 did, sir -
quietly replied the car-coupler. "And SO 1t
Ii through train, sir. It's through running
for the day, sir Yonkers Statesman.
When the golden sunlight dances on the
| bosom Of the stream,
And the yl6egs iRRYteesm iRRYtee!slm, s'ar''t. ''"n"- a.
| When the bullfrog seeks the cover of the
grasses tall and rank,
And the pickerel at MONDAY seeks the shad-
| ow Of the bank,
Then the small boy goes in swimming in the
costume Of the mode '-s.a..
| That was worn by fair Godiva when through
Coventry she rode.
He splashes In the limpid stream with many
/ gleeful shout,
And to the bank returning puts his shirt on
inside cut;
And when his mother questions him, Chow
/ came that garment 500"
He looks upon 1t with surprise and says he
doesn't know;
When further pressed to give the cause this
reason he employs:
81 must have turned somersault when play
ing with the boys"
| -Somerpille Journal.
L