The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-08-15
WIT AND HUMOR.


donep" called native of Wicklow to
an Englishman who had just tied his
horse to telegraph pole. "Well, Pat
honor. Ye've hitched your horse to
the magnetic telegraph, and yen be in
Dublin in two minutes II you don't look
out" .ir.
Years ago when M. Bodisco was Rus
sian Minister at Washington he was
eating breakfast In hotel few morn
ings after his arrival when a quarrel
arose in the room and a man was shot.
Rising from his seat in a great alarm
and tearing his napkin into shreds, he
exclaimed: .Vot a countrie und vat
a peoples! Eff gay kill man for break
fast, vat zay do at dinnaire!'-HoteI
'.Now," said the Boston school
teacher, "the question l am about to
put to you is an extremely difficult one,
and to answer it correctly you will be
obliged, metaphorically speaking, to
initiate the trunk conformation of the
dromedary of the desert" A Western
school teacher would have put the
question and said, simply: "Now
hump yourselves. -SOnaerVille Jour-
nal. poo
What we shall hear at the watering
place this Summer: Mrs. Allow
absurdly that Mrs. b. dresses! And
what airs she puts on! She says her
her husband used to be a bank ex-
aminer, but retired some years ago"
Mr.. A bank examiner, ehp So
he was. An examiner of the river
bank. He was a clam-digger, or some
thing of that sort, / believe, at one
time. "-BoStoa Transcript. 81
A wise tenant: Jones-"You don't
mean to say you have made all these
improvements YOURSELF l thought you
were only a tenant" Smith, am. :"
Jones-'Well, if 1 were in your place
would send for the landlord and let
him see the expense You have put on
it." Smith-''The landlord! Mercy!
Don't let him know / have improved
his property" Jones-'And why notp"
Smith-"He would raise the rent
Philadelphia Call.
$50 your husband is a drummerP"
remarked Mrs. Smith. You'll excuse
me for saying it, but they do say that
drummers are awful flirts. Is it really
sop II don't know anything about
the Others" replied Mrs. Green; "but
1 know that John isn't Why, he
doesn't take any notice of the women
at all! Leastways, he doesn't take any
notice of me when he is at home, and
he'd be more likely to take notice of
me than other women. "-BOSton Tran
script
hax utv vaH oh
the green shade we wear over our eyes
when reading proof or grinding out
copy we have printed, II am busy"
When o man that we don't care to talk
to comes In we stoop still lower over
the desk so that he can see 1t and take
the hint, but when the other kind of a
man, good jovial fellow, comes in.
we push the shade up over our bald
spot where he can't read the legend.
smile benignantly Mt him and open the
conversation by asking him for q cigar.
Louisville Argus.
A few weeks ago a gentleman entered
the Office of well-known insurance
agent, and. tossing paper on the
counter, said to the clerk: That's
run out, and want to get it renewed. I"
The clerk unfolded the document, and
with smile inquired: "Are you sure
that has run outp" .'Oh, yes,'' said
the gentleman. my wife told me it
run out yesterday" "Well, l am
sorry for you; but we are not taking that
kind of risks now," responded the
clerk, as he handed it back to him. 1t
was his marriage certificate.
Some of our contemporaries are
mourning because slugging-match or
dog-fight attracts more attention and
liberal financial patronage in this
country than Italian opera. Well, we
don't know that there is any occasion
for sorrow over the matter We have
only heard Italian opera once OF twice
this winter, and if all the rest of it is
like the sample we heard, we rather
admire the intelligence and good taste
which leads the American people to
prefer the rat-pit.
A minister living in Jackson county,
Mo-, sent his hired man to bring his in
tended bride to his home for the
marriage ceremony. She fell in love
with the hired man on the way, and
they went to hotel and were married.
1t is strongly suspected that the hired
man told the woman that she might
expect donation party from the
members of the congregation as soon
as she became the wife of the minister.
OF course she was justified in resorting
to any method to escape such an i'm
pending devastation. NorriSto,on Her.
aid.
''By Jove," said a lynx-eyed proof
reader on Boston paper. Somebody
60 down and kick slug nine into the
street. Here's three times I've marked
beans on him in that poem of Julia
Ward Howe's, and every time he spells
it 'p@ans.'
MY soul sings peans TO the gods of Spring.
There's lots of sense in that, isn't
thereP Wherc'd he ever learn to
spell beans that wayP' And his face
was livid with wrath as once more he
saved the poem from destruction.
Burdette. '
you look like q poet" laughed the
funny editor, as the handsomely dress,