Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1884-09-11

Sayings Of the People Who are salaried 10.
be Funny.
A REMEDY.

Ne Eunlys
A REMEDY.
Our Master frankie was in a Brown
Study. he had been taken to the parlOr
TO see MS new aunt, the wife of his un-
Gle, who was only recently married. and
this was her first visit after the weddin0
tour. Master frankie behaved with
great proprlety during the interview.
but nao gone away sograve and thought
fuI that ms mother was disturbed by
such an unusual state of affairs.
w ny, frankie, what are you thinking
about?- said she. Don't you like your
auntie ?''
"NOt much, " replied the matter-of-fact
youngster.
"And why not ?'
Because she is not pretty, like you,
mamma"
ooh, but, my dear, you ought not to
/ dislike your aunby for that. I am sure
/ she Will be very good to you when you
| go to see her, and it Is better to be good
than pretty"
as it?" inquired the child, after a
pause.
Certainly, frankie; for one may be
/ pretty outside and ugly inside-One may
have a pretty face and an ugly temper"
/ well, but, said Frankie, slowly, sis
! auntle pretty inside, do you think?"
/ "Of course she Is, dear"
Then, mamma, why don't they turn
her inside out.?-IOrOIltO Globe.
BOSTON SODA WATER.
He was a graduate of a school OF
/ pharmacy and had just bought out an
apOthecary's shop at the South End. Last
| evening his sweet young wife looked
from her paper and said:
/ 81 see that Don Dash de Banana, q
Mexican, who owned nine drug stores
/ has Just failed with liabilities amount
! ing to over $3.50, 900. If it is as good a
| business you say, John, what made him
faiI?"
ibid it say he ran a soda fountain in
/ any Of his establishments?
No; it said he traded in extracts and
| other medicinal preparations"
| "Ah, we'll; that accounts for it. I tell
/ you that so long as a man can sell three
/ gills of wind and a gill of soda water,
/ that cost in all about three-fOurths of a
mill, for five cents hard cash, and then
! have half the water left in foam that
/ can't be sucked out of the glass, there is
no danger of falling. One of Boston's
| soda fountains, properly conducted,
would have paid off his debts inside Of a
! year."-BOStO31 Globe.
! AN OLD CUSTOM REVIVED.
"Iv'e sworn off on water" remarked
/ I41C 4EtG HAIL. 1S LIS W44C BLOuSuG I'LL 4
fan and his slippers.
"You had better swear off on some
/ thing else," she observed with acrimOny.
at makes me gurgle like a half empty
! barrel" he continued, without noticing
| the interruption. 'The other day in the
street car half the passengers looked IN
! der the seat to see where the jug was.
never heard of such thing before"
| ooh, I have"
! "Where?"
at used to be an old custom to carry
water in pig-skins. "-Ihe Graphic.
SHE PREFERRED THE OLD RELIGION.
"What do the papers mean?" asked q
| good old lady at the South End. 81 see
/ they say that all the ministers are com
! ing out for Cleveland or Blaine. Is it g
kind of new religion or faith they have
got up?"
mo, it simply means they are taking
! one side or the other in politics, and
has no reference to any religious belief al
all"
"I think they'd better drop politics
and attend to church affairs. It makes
! them forget their Creator. I haven't
heard of one coming out for the Lord
since the days Of Moody and Sankey.'
! Boston Globe.