Connecticut western news., 1884-10-01
WIT AND WISDOM.

A CHINESE waul-Celestial music.
 WELL backed up-The dromedary.
 IT is figured that 7,oO0,0o sermons are preached to Americans yearly.
 TIE expression, "he doesn't know beans, is never applied to Bostonian. TuE best and most important part of a mans education is that which ho gives to himself
 IF you arc determined to 1.-Two and die slave to custom, soc that it is at least a good one.
 Mn. MoRosrSr thinks the coaohman who ran or with Miss M isn't hall villain, but HulskamP.
 WHY are the latest style or shoe but tons called "old Maids Wedding ?" Bo- cause they mover come od.
 TIE girl with bangs generally makes a noise in the world-at least it gunoya a good many to look upon her.
 "IS the sweat of thy brow shall thou eat thy bread" This is a curse which has proved n blessing in disguise.
 CnERK-what do you wish little girl ? Little Girl-I want to know how much your best pills are. Your best pills.
 FIFTY million elothespins are made tn this country annually, and yet American women, as a rule, have small mouths.
 IN the literary as we'll as military world, most powerful abilities will often be found concealed under rustic gsrb.
 DR. HAMMOND says eating mutton will make women handsome. Hcnce their partiality for sheepish young men,
 A TAKING campai n banner; "Vote for Lockwood and ice cream" Whether the young men will support the ticket is another question. s1: "rHmF r $50, 600 "Deiaulter Y sl00. GOO: "Shortager' Y s5OO,OOOi "Canadian touristr sl,Ooo,OOo !; Brilliant financier l"
 A NoRRIsrowN man has cook so pretty and fascinating that the first day he employed her she ''mashed" hia Po- tatoea. The next day she ''mashed" his son.
 IT cost an American fine of S25 to rush through the atreois of Vienna cry- ing "Firop There was a fire Co be sure, but they didn't want any fuss made about iL
 MAstMA-"which would you rather have. little baby brother or little baby sister, Tommy9' Tommy-"Fd ruthor havo Q druni2' .....
 SIXTEEN Sacramento women opened a cooperative store, and in three months two of them owned the concern, and the other fourteen were wondering where the "co-op." came in.
 A PLAIN, genteel dress ia moro ad- mired, and obtains more credit, than lace and embroidery in the eyes ot the malicious and sensible.
 "THry'yE thrown me oyerboard-- that's rough |" the politician cried. "But still I've got strength enough o swim to the other side"
 "wArrER, didn't I tell you 10 give uas A piece of melon off the ice?" "Yaass sah, you did, sah." "Well, ihis piece is AS warm as a tin roof. "Yass, sab. Dat's cause hits of de ice. sab. Dcy's allus wa'm when dey's off dc ice, sah. 7
 AN Bnglishmau meeting an Irishman accosted him saying, "Can you tell me the way to wigan, Pat9" "How do you know my name is PatT' answered the Irishman. II guessed it," replied John Bull. "well, guess the way sa Wigan then" coolly said the Irishman.
 HH came in very late, and to keep his wife quiet related trumped-up story of A narrow escape that he had had on his way home from being run over by fire engine. "Asecond(hic)sooner, The conclu. ded. s,and Iwould thic) have been dead man. It fairly took my (hic) breath away" ''No it didn't" she said. turning her face to the wall
 "WHAr are you crying for, little boy ?" asked the kind.hearted gentle man from the country who read She newspapers. 'iI'ye lost my money. sir" I" sobbed the child. "Whcre did you lose it, my little man2" "I dropped it in Wall street, sir" "Great heavens Are even children drawn into that great gambling maelstrom What stock did you drop it inq' "T dropped it down a | N.N.I