Dodge City times., 1884-06-19
Fixing a Screen Door.


He had doubtful expression on his
phiz as he entered hardware store,
and he spoke about the stove trade. the
Wall street panic, the Greenback Con-
vention and several other matters be-
fore he finally said:
81 think it is time to put up fy-screen
DOORS"
Certainly"
"You have springs, I suppose"
"Yes, sir"
,I"Have you spring which l can ad-
just?"
I'VE have. Here is one which boy
ten years old can put on. The tine for
intricate springs has passed and sim
plicitv is the rule"
LETS see. l wonder if can put that
on?'
''Of course you can. All you want
are a screw-driver and three screws.
Here-this end goes on the dOor-that
end on the casing. See? When you
have it on take this wire and turn here.
When the spring has the right force
drop those slots-thus. See? Why. a
woman could put on one of those springs
with her eyes shut price fifteen cents. y
Bones hadn't lost any of his doubtful
expression as he started out. He walked
home feeling of his ear and trying to
remember just what the dealer said and
in half an hour he was at work on the
door. The dealer had held the upper
end of the spring to the northwest.
while his door opened to the northeast.
He sat down and thought and thought.
and finally decided to try it, anyhow.
Mrs. Bones came out and helped him
and the spring was finally put on.
Now what?' she asked, as she
opened the door and saw that it re-
NAMED thus.
-I''Why, we turn the ratchet, L sup
pose"
"Ratchet-what's that"'
''Hanged if l know. I've heard the
boys say: Cheese the ratchet, and that 5
all know about it. Oh-yes; he said
l must put this wire in the holes and
turn"
"Well. 60 ahead.'
Bones turned and turned. The
spring stiiened and the door flew open
That's Just like you," she said as
she jumped back. ''What on earth do
we want of a spring to hold door
open?"
That's so-that's so. Let's take it
off and turn it end for end.
This was tried, but it was no good,
and Mrs. Bones cried out:
"You might have known it! 1t takes
man with brains to put on spring.
''And I've got more of 'em right in
my heels than your relations have in
their headsn'
Then put on that spring.
''Pm going to when-I get ready.
There S no particularly hurry, as l Can
see.
maybe it's tiredr' she sneered.
"And maybe you'd better attend to
your mopping"
She went in and Bones tried that
spring six different ways. Then he
went off and borrowed a gimlet, an
inch auger, crowbar, Jack-screw
and pair of pincers, and he tried six
other ways. He turned the old thing
until the tension lifted up one end of
the house, and he looked from the front
gate to the alley fence for the ratchet,
but the door had no spring to it. He
put the spring on diagonally, crosswise,
lcngthwise, top for bottom and bottom
for top, and about four O'Clock in the
afternoon Mrs. Bones came out and
found him pounding it with a crowbar,
while the door had been wrenched
apart and heavei into the alley.
Il said you couldn't do it," she re-
marked.
Couldn't do what?'
''Put on that spring."
'Who's tried to put on spring?
We don't need any door there, and I've
taken it away. 1t isn't at all likely that
we will see three flies this summer, but
if few do come around we amt going
to murder 'em. Spring! l was just
fooling you. That was a burglar alarm,
and the reason l didn't put it on is be-
cause we haven't anything to bur-
glarize. Even if we had I'd let 'em
come. A burglar can't live unless he
has fair show. "-DetrOH Free Press.