Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-05-23
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

run, pun pun
Sac sucked at her nrst CIGARETTE,
And thought it was awfuly, awfsy nic",
And sweeter than caudy, you bet
Yeop yoop yoop,
She retched at the cum cuspdor,
And vowed she ro,d never, as long as
she lived,
5mokc cigarettes any more,
Love, it is said, destroys the appetite.
Strange III It boarding house Keepers can't
con,rive TO get more If their boa,d;rs 10 fall
in love with each other
IIarpcr's Bazay says: "Taa flowers fol
the Grcaly relief expedition were pluckcd
from the wealthy residences Of the west end
If Wnshirgton.' Terra cuH tulips, prob
ably
"What are you dong, my io'e~ asked
young husband of his wife. ooh" she
replied, holding up dilp. Atel pair OF
pants, ~ am only collecting die rent"
The wife Of a western undcrtaker applies
for a divorce Oh the ground that her hus
band is slice .. walker, and annoys her very
much by getting up in the night nnl at
tempting to lly her ont for burial We
should think it mi lit disturb her sleep {
little
"My dear, you lax the cake, remarked {
young husband, IT'S ~ weighed j.c first
culinary triumph of his wife in the vain of
his hand. "You take it. dear was the
milling reply. ~ i prefer not t., t1nigh'.
he slammered.
"Were you ever vaccna ed? asked Il SINAI
boy of a base b Ill player. No" was thC
reply "Wen, sister said she thought yol
must be, because you never catch any
thing"
Rev. Mr. Cuyler says that college athletic
are obi clionntlc because they develop {
thirst for drinking. So does working in III
back yard.
It 10 said that Jim Kerne kept privat
barber but he never pad as high for a shay
as he has lately.
Prof. Swing of Chicago has wiucn a
essay on the use'essne,s of profanity. II tn
Professor La held off until after louise
cleaning lime, his article would have ms
with more RESP, ctful attention.
A Florida fisherman reports having sael
a swamp snake over thirty feet long. TIL
question is how a snake of that length cou.
have GIT into the mau's boots.
They were at the theatre, and a mos
thrilling scene was approaching It's cIima'
"Opw she whispered, isn't it awful
Yes" was his mutered reply "it TAX
my brca' h away" The ucreduors way
which she looked at him took all the stuff
ing out of the tragedy.
Emma Abbott says that she dislikes noiS
This is very mild way of inlmating III
she is not fond of children.
= Sitting Bull has recovered from II
measles, and will spend the summer tray
, ling for his health with sde-show.
A Frenchm4n claims that he has discover'
a meth ID ny which he can cause three al
=. two to make SIX. He ought to make %
= bulls in grocery store.
The elephant now goes round
+ The wit begins 10 play,
n Tse soys about the wnltcwash pail
u Had better get GU. OF the way.
y. Edwin Arnold is said to have written
. most Of the Light Of Asia" upon his cut
t Eds in was plainly Il college brad mau.
!, A New Jersey man fell Fl IN a h'cl Gle, o
a while lying lnsen.ibIe WAS iobb, of all
Z money and valuable gold ring, The on
thing he regrets is that the robbers did
take the bicy Gle too.
Can you darn stockings" asked
cultured young man from the East, who
II lust married wild Western belle. 1--WE
he you bet can ~ was the enthusiastic rep
J. Il learned to swetr when I was six ye
II old"
- Frank Johnson OF Osceola, Miss, hid i
cave year age on the approach OF cycle
~ and cannot be made leave his retr at
If emplores his friends no to let his wife KIN
er where he is.
Ne Milwaukee is to have baby show,
1t Pcck's bad boy will be barrel out, fJr f
e, that he will mix the babies up.
s. Matthew Arnold has had soup nan
It after him. Americas impressions Of NJ
= hew Arnold.
lr An exchange has an article cu'ited, I'll
Carpets are cleaned." The man who does
~ know all about that at this time Of me :
y sJn 5 too fresh.
It Fifty seven American women writers "
r.. born in Maine There seems to be s1methi
ls lu,ell clual y stimulating about gum.
u "Your engagement has been running so
!. time. lsny. Why don't you get MARI
II IN hi, BEAUTIFUL mouth of May y "Mar
re in May Ridiculous! each me gelt
:, married while this good fishing holds
4 "That is lost IN power is gain in tim
le remar krd the mason as he tell, while
- s3cnding a ladder, aud lii IN box oi mort
re 4 scientist asserts that a bee can sting o
y once in two minutes. OF course, he
a wants to give the mau time TO howl.
D. "What sort OF bed did they give J
a last nigh?n asked the proprietor OF cpun
,e hotel of a guest. Guest (who has slept IN
IL leaky roof all nigh }, "lhc bed O
~, stream, guess"
A couple OF Virginia lawyers were alb
lie to go out and shoot each other, when 81
W. silly person interfereh aud had them arr
At ed. Their fellow members Of the tar pas
k. me touching res buttons of regret.
as Queen Victoria wants her birthday c.
~" tranon postponed. Her majesty is like
w, u" the rest of her SEX b uhlays come al
~ gether too frequently to be pleasant Bo'
81 Transcript.