South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1884-02-29
W.T. AND IaUMors.

~ o. Va Oh~ Va SoC OtiC'Ults sSe i1UI
clerks fiocked into the room to ace the
braves, and we're gazing in curiosity ut
them. when one of the sober chiefs, az
ter contemplating the hcvy OF blushiug
maidens. turned to the bead of The bu-
reau aud conhdentially aud seriously,
but very sudibly, remarked: Me give
twenty-five ponies for one of ycur
squaws.' Tie remark carried cons,er-
nation into the ranks Of The treasury
girls, and they scattered TO the four
quarters OF the building.
Josh Billings has this playful appli-
cation OF fee-saw: 4 saw blind woods
sawyer. While none ever saw him see,
thousands have seen him saw
Nor THE AnswEG.-E o good
1uestioner cannot a!waya draw out The
answer be desires.
Archbishop Whately WAS once endca
voriug,o elicit the ideas OF an Irish Can
didetc for the Office of teacher on tho
maj ket value Of labor with reference to
demand and supply bat, being bafiled
the prelsie put ques ion in this simple
form:
IF there arc III your village two shoe
makers with just su!licien. employment
TO enable them to live comfortably, or
say tolerably. and no more. what would
follow il third shoemaker set up in the
same village?'
Why, fight, TO he sure, sir 7 said
the candidate.
Which was likely enough, but it was
not the reply the reverend prelate look
ed for
gentleman was congratulating a
friend the other day on his recent mar.
riagc. Yes said the latter. thanking
him for his pleasant words, IL you
marry and get the RICH: one there is
nothing like it. and il you don't get the
right Gro suppose there is nothing like
it, New England Farmer.
Ellie (to Mrs. Belweather, who has
just been speaking of Mr.. B. ~'Whs.
Mrs. Delweather, thought you hal,'t
any husbandp Mrs. B.-'Why. of
course have, Effie. Do you mean to
say you don, know Mr. BelweatLer 2
Ehie-'Yes, but 1 didn't suppose he
was your husband. l thought you had
not any. Papa said you married for
money and that was ell you got.
\ SPECULATION IN CATS. --Mr. Them
ns II. Williams, Jr. of Stockton, Cal,
having begun 10 buy cats with the pur-
pose of exterminatng the eophers that
are laying waste the fields Of Alfalfa on
Union Island, the Sacramento Union
tells pertinent cat story: Shortly after
the discovery Of The Comstoch mine an
old gentleman was unable to meet
mortgage OF $500 on his place on Nor.
mon island. stranger, stepping nj
his door, saw several pretty kittens
playing in the yard he said: Those
cats. If Won had them on the CONS ock
would bTing you $50 apiece Tee old
mar saddlcd his horse, and for the next
fortnight role from house to house,
farm TO farm, and village TO village, beg
ging and buying cats. lie got 500 and
sold them on the Comstock mine, and
after he had paid of his mortgage and
put in bank $500 clear he told his neigh
bOrs why he had wanted cats. They no
longer deemed him crazy on cats.
r. DO not marry widower' said The
old lady; "a ready made family is like
plate Of cold potatoes 'ob, I'll soon
warm item over, replied the damscl.
and she did.
Why nre chickens necks like door
bells ? They are often wrung for com.
pany.
A deaf old fellow, charged with steal.
Ing n hog, was arraigned before q court
The jury, without leaving the box, re-
turned a verdict Of guilty. odd man,
said his lawyer, The jury says you arc
guilty Hay 2 The jury says you
are guilty. sacuting in bis ear. la wha,
degree 2 There arc 10 degrees in
stealing case Hey p There are no
degrees. Guilty ali over; an r.
res Hay ? 'Yes, yelling at The
Top OF his voice. Wei. rats VIA,
told you ct first; bot YOU said sou could
clear re Wish now bad got tie Judge
20 defend mc. Will get him next time.
a Ch,naman came into tue ladies'
cabin on tho fcrryboat and took a seat