News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-03-27
ROUGH ON RATS.

"Oh, doctor, doctor, doctor y cried a
woman, who rushed breathlessly into
DIR. Greenawalt's Office the other day.
"my boy, Johnnie, has swallowed a
mouse p
"H'm; swallowed mouse, has he ?
Well, go home now and have him swal-
low a cat. THE Hoosier.
LARGE LOT OF LIVELY AUNTs.
Fond Mamma Willie, you
must be real good boy to-day; here's
all your aunts come to see you
Willie-''Has Aunt Sarah come %
Fond Mamma-''Yes, Aunt Sarah,
Aunt Dolly, Aunt Mary, Aunt Laura,
Aunt Elizabeth, Aunt Cynthia, Aunt"
Willie-"That's plenty, mamma, for
me. It's the biggest nest of aunt's I
ever struck. "-Chieago San.
WHY ONE CANNOT LOVE TOMATO.
The feminine mind early attains to the
consideration of the ethics of the affec-
tions. In a city school the other day
the class in English grammar was dis
cussing the difference between the
words "like" and Glove" ''Now," said
the teacher, eve can like tomato, but
is it proper to say we can love toma-
to?" "No, it is not, said fresh young
miss; zone cannot love tomato. :"
"Why notP" inquired the teacher. "Be-
cause, YOU know, you cannot-you can't
well, you can't hug tomato"
GENUINE ARIsToCRAoY.
Miss Shoddyite was introduced to a
real live young Englishman at dinner
party the other night, and the next after
noon she was extolling his many fasci-
mating wiles and graces to an anxious
coterie of female friends.
eAnd then, girls, he not only waltzes
divinely, but he's great politician,
too"
"Oh, my, amt that SWEET" exclaimed
spirituelle girl. "ls he In the House
of Commons ?"
"Commons, indeed p said Miss Shod-
dyite. scornfully. ~ should say not.
He would have nothing to do with any
House of Commons. Why, he is a real
aristocrat, he is.
And the other girls chorused out,
'My, he must be grand. - Washington
Hatchet.
he LEFT IT.
"Did you ever find anything of value,
Uncle Sy?" I asked, after telling him
about finding a pearl ring that morning.
''Yeh, sab; I foun' pus once, wild
ten dollars in it. ="
.4''Did you? Well, what did you dc
with it-you didn't keep it, of course ??
'Yeh, sab; 1 did dat berry ting. rs
strictly honest; wouldn't take no man s
pus. / lef' it where he could git it; but
I took de money out fust. You see, he
done los de money-'twarn't his'n nc
mo-. I done fin it; it was my money
den. But de pus was his'n, n long as
[ live 1 amt gwine to take no mans
pus. ."-Harper's DraaOer.
HE DIDN'T TAKE ALL HIS LEEwAY.
A government agent, who was sent tC
Wisconsin last fall to look up trespas'
cases on government lands, was out OF
his travels one day when he found MAJ
whaling away at some choice timber OF
one of Uncle Sans sections.
s'Any land for sale around here p
queried the agent.
"Wall, thar might be-" was th'
reply.
''I'd like to buy a whole section"
"Have We the cash to pay ?"
81 have"
81 mought sell you this.
"Can you give me clear deed ?"
"Clear as q whistle, stranger. Gimm
$500 cash, and I'll deed you the section
afore sundown."
The agent coolly unrolled a map
spread it out on log and said:
"You will see by this map that Uncl
Sam owns this section. How, then, Cal
you give me deed for it?
"See hy'a stranger" said the chop
per, after long pause, ''Inaybe you i
one of these chaps as arguefes tina
Uncle Sam is bigger man than fret
born citizen of old Wisconsin I'll Civ y
jist three minutes to skip p
The agent didn't want but two.- VA
Street NeoOS.
DUTIES OF A DIRECTOR.
81 am a director in the company,
said the devil in newspaper office.