The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-07-17
HUMOR.


A rRrKND of the family asked an cd
itor why he allowed his wife to beat
him. well. what am to do?" was
che reply; "the doctor has ordered her
to take plenty of ercisel'--Pavsisian
Pjckings.
THERE Ia at least one spot on this fair
earth where the base ball fiend cannot
get in his work. On vacant lot near
Covington, KY, is posted this sign:
sNo plane bace-Bol on theas Primaces."
Chicago Herald.
A New YORK man owns bulldog
that weighs only five and One-half
pounds. III this breed could be en-
couraged, and introduced generally,
love-making would lose half its tcrrors.
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
~WHY do you crow.?' asked goose
of a venerable chanticleer. Il oackle-ate
it's cause | can't chant lay" replied
the wretched fowl. a. be clawed up an
other square yard of his masters new
" seeded garden. .-Ne,o YOrkJournaL
A POOR but pretty girl, who has b
60 ND Vino street every dav, calls the
loafers along tat thoroughfare Pow
erty and Want" because they stare her
in the face.-PrstzePs Weekly.
ODE TO oLEoMABGARTNB.
Ny friends I'm telling you the truth.
You ne ii not storm Or spiutyer.
A lot OF little candle ends
Are rescued from the gutter;
Rescued and cooked, W tn skill and care,
And make good, sound, sweet Latter.
The Judge.
A NEW YORK man who was married
in the morning was maniac before
night. Don't get married in the morn
ing. It gives the brides mother a
whole day to talk to you.-Philadel-
phia Call.
Oh. pretty maiden, now inclined to play
The part Of ardent lover,
Ere you entreat your CHI ice to name the Gay,
Pray think the matter over
~Is he the ona?" This ones I'm In your mind
A long VIII lie you should keep. Gear,
Les, you might live to wish the year had been
A look before you-leap year.
A NEWS item states that "the hose of
Mrs Brant was broken into during her
absence and robbed of $500 worth Of
iewelry, clothing, and other property"
The only explanation of this queer
statement is that Their Mrs. b. is a
Cincinnati lady or the printer has left
gu" out OF "house."
A MAN in Terre Haute, who recently
secured o divorce from his wife, now
employs her IA servant-girl, and she
now has more money and better clothes
than when she was his wife. If some
men would treat Their wives as they do
their servant-girls there would be fewer
divorces.
SEVERAL KINDS OF LOVE
There's a love for the girl In the seJskin saeque,
And love for the girl without:
There's a love for the girl who never goes back
On her young man With dOubo
There's a love for the girl who's got the tin.
And love for the girl Who's nons:
There's love for the girl of the rolling pin,
Who knows when the pies are done.
-WhiiehaU Times.
THE ULSTER VAIL.
Once was br ght - a m dsummec's morn,
ButnOw / am IA led and very much worn
NY owner q seedy AID broken-up fop,
Has hung me right up I'm his y t uacIes- shop,
The future, on which all my hopes had been
built.
Has nothing in store save an old crazy quilt
-Nep York Journal
ADVICE ABOUT APPAREL.
Unless there's reason
Tha you can't construe.
Advice that's timely
You should ne'er cschev.
Follow this closely
Lest sickness ensue:
SCick To yoar flannes
Till they stick to you
--Nel1 York Journal