Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1884-11-06
Spoopendyke at Niagara.
BuRDENED WITH INDIAN TRINKETs.
voTIvE OFFERINGS TO THE WORLDS won.
DER.

"Oh! squeaked Mrs. Spoopendyke, by
sterically, as she gazed on the falls with on,
eve, and furtively threw the other arount
on the other women to see if they were an,
better dressed than she was. "Isn't th
wonderful Say, my dear, shouldn't yol
think that little island would be afraid ovel
there by itself?"
.l,'s safer there than il would be ashore,
mut,ered Mr.. Spoopendyke. dropping
highly wrought bead bag. in his efforts tC
jan pair of moccasins. that weren't mates
into his pocket. ..If that island is any wa,
hard up. and half smart, it'll stay where il
is, and hold on to what it's got, say
whst're you going to do with these shoes i
you ever get them home ?" he continued, as
the larger one hitched up and dropped tc
the ground.
Don't lose it :" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopen.
dyke, anxously. lin going to hang them
10 in the parlor.'
'lf the man who sold them was anv way
reasonable in his charges, Id like to hire
him to get into EN- about the time the hang
ing comes Off" growled Mr.. Spoopendyke
Look here Have YOU any idea of the
distance you expect me TO lug this old shin
ney stick Got any accurate notion Of the
labor involved in hauling the dod gasted
thing around ?"
That's an Indian war club" protested
Mrs. Spoopendyke. 81 want that. and YOU
mustn't lose i, for nothing"
From nv experience around here. | don't
suppose could lose it for nothing" grunt-
ed Mr.. Spoopend,ke. "But what want to
Know" he continued. settling one end of
tie club in his hip pocket, and irving To
. n,yr.al L.
want to know j., where the mea.y thing is
calculated to go on peace footing. In
what portion Of nv habilimen,s am | ex-
pected TO secrete this cemetery? Where
doe, this rapid, growing in popularity
graveyard go?"
What's that in your mouth, dear - in
quired Mrs. Spoopend, Ike. so!icitously.
"A ilin, arrow head grouled Mr. Spoop-
endykc, yindictively. "And it'll take den
list TO get it out Then hell 20 blowing
around that he's found and Aztec battlefield,
and they'll fenre my jaw in. and charge ad-
mission Let it alone. will We, paid
three dollars for it, anG I'm gong 10 chaw
on It while i; lasts Seen enough of ,hl.
Want TO stand around here any longer
watching that thing squirt -
"lt's so lovely :" murmurci Mrs. Spoop-
end,ke. turning again 10 the flls. ION.
m, dear Think Of man going over hose
falls" and Mrs. Spoopendyke shuddered.
lie wouldn't be any more Of measiy
ass than a man who pays a dollar to 90 IN
der EN- ,''srgucd Mr.. Spoopend,ke. who
still retained a lIvei, recollection Of his rx-
perencc on the American side "If ryrr
come here again. ard If God give, ne ny
health ! won't, think I'll trv to 20 oyer
the falls, provided there is any chance Of
my dropping on the Esquimnux who poure! !!
me into rubber bathing >ui', with a h1le
under each arm and sit IN the back Say.
my dear. suppose YOU gi,e thi- fatigue uni
form, with bad smell, to some WORTHY clar.
ity :"
That's my squaws dress" faltered Mrs.
Spoopcnd,ke. ''und wouldn't take any
thing for It."
Il Wish the man bought !, Of had felt
that vay :" groaned Mr. Spoopendyke Just
pull il through the backstrap of my trousers,
will ,e. and lie those knock -kneed rartcrs
around nv waist. Look out for the battle
axe | want that myself to open oysters
with Where's the shoes that belonged 10
ne game legged warrior with he pip ?
Mrs. Spoopendyke found i, in hi, hat,
and then announced her readiness to take in
the rest Of the show
There. a man down here that's 60, a
whirlpool, explained Mr.. Spoopendyke. ex-
perlencing some difficulties in getting under
way with the trophies. II don't know heth-
er he i, in the habit Of exhibiting il to band
wagons, but if he Is, and he don't insist on
having me buy it, we'll look at il. Come
along r.
"ls that the suspension bridge 2' asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke. as the, drove past IT.
"ie,; want Il Z" demanded her husband
Though don't know why the, should ca
il suspension, when everything else around
here appears to be in active financial opera
\ 'ion Let, figure up how much this drive
- going 10 cost. Twice twelve hundred .or
I the horse. is twenty-four hundred. and add
,iy hundred for the wagon make, three
thousand. Multiply that BY the distance,
/ three miles, and YOU get nine thousand COL
lars. Cheap. Here. m, dear. what's be
come Of that prlme,al Old convert paid q
dollar for? What's become IL tile hair III
the archaeological old pirate thIt sn.I photo
graphs around this corner teforr the foot
q the aIyeniuTou, white man ever ptnt-
tratti the r,ceS,e,9 ID yon discover any
iNlhldhNN VI etbtNS4NtI Ipl ma ION III bangs
around this display of uututpred indu,tr, ?"
ho"led Mr.. Sporpendyke. rising ia wrath a.
he yalniy plowed through the acquisitions,
for the mls,!ng spos OF war. "Do you ap-
pear to observe fIgae in wool lurking
around this dime museum Of pre-adam.lr
rel e. 2'
"Dldn't-Iidn't YOU put it on Your own
head ," asked Mrs. Spoopendyke. with =
misty recollection tina, he adorned himself
with his prizc.
Shouldn't wonder gruntel Mr. Spoop-
end,ke. lCciting the scalp without further
trouble. Il wanted il to feel a, homp.
Here's the whirlpool. Look uul how you
step. Now get into this box and well 70
down where We can see it. Be careful how
YOU sit on that war hat Of dyed hen feathers,
don't mind your sitting on it, but sit down
straight, so you'll bust 'em all even Let
90. will YEP"
But suppose that rope should break 2"
gur.led Mrs. Spoopeud,ke cIiuging 10 her
husbands arm with one hand and the side
Of the car with the other.
"Iou'li have reached the bottom all the
same" grinned Mr.. Spoopendykr, a. the car
came to stand. "I,n't that great sight
See the whirlpool? ?"
Where ?' inquired Mrs SpooprnIykp.
who was peering into the bushe. for snakes
"Over there Where'd We s'spose it was
in the weeds? Walk behind, can't We ?
Don't ye see you're upsetting this congrega-
ton Of genuine Indian, watertight. FIRE
proof ingenuity! There goes the-whoop !"
Mr.. Spoopend,ke dropped his battle axe
overheard and lost lis hat, with the Wig,
and one moccasin.
"A votive offering to the wonder of the
world = be yelled, as he fired the other shoe
into the rapids. "Spoopendyke and Nj
agara join hinds-this style for seventy five
cents = and the stereosccpic views followed.
succeeded by two spears, and quiver Of
arrows. go where glory waits thee :" he
roared, as he filled the air with beadwork
and photographs of the falls. "Go to meet
Captain Webb" he shrieked, dancing
wrathfu hornpipe. "Got any more triumphs
of field and food ?" he squeaed, turning on
his horror-stricken wife. Know where the
whirlpool is now? Got some kind Of no
ton that have pointed it out successfully,
haven't yes Well, have; and now you're
going home and Mr.. Spoopendyke set
tied his cars down on his shoulders, and
started for the car.
II don't care" murmured Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke 10 herself, as, seated in the train, she
was whirled from the wreck Of her aboriginal |
hopes. ~ don't care. saw all there was, |
and can get the same triukets in New |
York for half the money"
-"It's powerful hard matter for me TO |