News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-17
ACCIDENTALLY HEARD.
y FEW NOTES FROM THE PBti'ADEL-
PHIA EVENING CALL.
Crossing the PIains-A Loss of Crealt-A"
Insurance Cnse-Yery Necessary Ele'
NOT REMARKABLY.

Crossing the PIuins-A Loss of Credit-An
Insurance Cnse-Yery Necessary ETC
NOT REMARKABLY.
"I see by the papers that there IS
clock in the postofice in Monmouth
OREGON, which was brought across the
plains in 1852, and has been running
ever since"
.eNothi1ig remarkable about that.
"Nothing remarhable?" ?"
"No. I crossed the plains myself III
1852"
"Well. what of that? This clock was
taken across the plains in that yeaE and
has been running ever since"
''Exactly. That clock was probably
with our party. We were attacked by
Indians, and don't wonder it has been
running ever since. 1 feel ike running
myself every time think of it."
UNPRoNoUNCEABLE NAMES.
A Russian gentleman by the name OF
Slobberscabskihivitch was travelling III
Maine when brakeman shouted
"Wequetegnock change cars for An
droscoggin and Saccarappacasset. "
'Whatsky did he sayvitch?' asked
the Russian gentleman in broken En-
glish of his travelling companion.
"He was announcing the names OF sta
tions,'' was the reply.
The foreigner smiled superior smile
as he leaned back in his seat, and re-
marked;
"We Russians are very muchvitch
amusedsky at the heathenishscof names
Won peopleneff have in this country
skoff'
DESERVING OF CREDIT.
eyes" said the grocery man, "Jones
has stopped drinking, is working every
day and is taking good care of his
family. He certainly deserves q great
deal of credit.
At this juncture Jones came into the
store and asked the grocery man if he
would trust him to a sack of fiot1s for
few days.
mo-" was the reply, "times are too
hard. I can't give any credit.
VERY NECESSARY.
Materfamilias- -''Mercy John, what
do you mean by practiciug with that hor-
rid revolver all day long, and you a theo-
| logical student, too?"
John-''1 nm trying to learn to shoot
straight. ma"
Aaterfamilias -"But you are to be
clergyman. You will have no need Of
such horrid accomplishment as that. "
John-"Oh, yes, I Will, too Cousin
Fred says that when I graduate he IS
going to get me a call for a congregation
in Ills town, and you know he lives in
Texas"
IN NEW YORK.
Bacgar-"Thank yez, thank yez. 1t
is not livery gintlenin that wad help
poor widly. May yez live forever and
a day"
Philanthropist-"Oh, that would be a
little too long. would not want to Live
forever and a day
Beggar-'"Thn may yez live XIII the
Bartholdi pedestal is completed.
THE ADVANTAGE.
First Politician 81 hear that the
salary of the Governor of Michigan IS
only 81, 900 a year"
Second Politician -" "Only $1,000 ?
We'll, that is getting things down pretty
fine"
FIRST PoIitician-"What puzzles me
is that they should ever find anyone to
take the position at that pa7', for | learn
that there are very few perquisites."
, Second Polidcian--''Bat You forget
the immense advantage Of the Office.
: First Politician-''In what way? 2
y Second Politician-''A governor can
not be arrested"
: HOW SHE WOULD DO IT.
Mr.. Jones-"I wonder why in the
world Congress don't do something at
once to stamp ont poiygamy ?"
Mrs. Because Congress IS
composed of men, and men don't know
anything. 1 could kill polygamy with
one blow"
Mr.. Jones-"Oh, indeed and how
would do it %
Mrs. Jones-''I would so to Salt
Lake City and start millinery store
there"
INsURING A HOUSE.
$50 you want to get your house in
sured, do you?" said the agent.
: eyes" was the reply.
GLOW much insurance do You want %
$50 OO0."
"Why, the house isn't worth over
IS, OOO."
Il know it isn't But what has that
pot to do with the matter if am willing
to pay the additional expense ?"
"Wen,'' concluded the agent, after !"
Y few moments thought, 81 will take the
risk on the condition that YOU deposit
the policy papers in some bank -.
4 "What good purpose will that serve
asked the gentleman.
, "None,' perhaps" replied the ns''f-
= ance man "but paper easily takes flre'
and if a $40, 900 policy on IS. OoJ house
< should accidentally get too near the
e stove there is no knowing what might
5 happen"
/ PUT HIS FOOT IN 1T.
D They were returning home from iIte
e theatre and had nearly reached her
d home when the young man observed
V "Isn't the weather cold aud raw.
{ She must have misunderstood HIM.
e "Raw," she said rather hesitaila2ly
t Yes, like them raw, but sAe coz
l. tiuued, looking sweetIy in hi8 eyes
d "dont you think they are nicer if.eo
Ii What could he do?
" A Scarcity OF Newspapers.