The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-06-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

A thousand women were present at |
recent Kentucky hanging. The cold,
disagreeable weather prevented much |
Of turnout.
s.No, SIR" said the professional |
heavyweight litter; i've never visited
pawnshop, but often put up dumb |
bells for money"
An eastern paper conveys the in
formation that the spring boils is now
blushing. The assertion was written
in humorous vein.
But you are sure she'll accept you?"
asked Duffix of Frank, who was about
to pop" accept me? You bet she
will! She's like my clothes-ready-
maidn'
A magazine-writer declares that
William Tell never shot an apple off
his sons head.-Foiio O. yes, he did.
That is where the schutzen core orig
mated.
Landlady-It's singular but true,
Mr.. Crossgrain, that all my boarders
remain with me. New Boarder Cat first
meaD Too weak to leave, | guess, af-
ter the first week.
A poet sends contribution entitled
"Why Do Live?" This is easy to an
swer. 1t is because he sends his con-
tributions to this Office instead of bring
ing them in person.
When q young girl finds four-leaf
clover it is a sign that she will be mar
ried within year. 1t is strange that
some families don't hire a farm and
SOW it all to clover.
An immigrant wagon bearing the
motto, "ln got is our trust" has ex-
cited wide notice in Dakota. The
judgment of one of the old politicians
of the territory is that the man must
have got lost.
How in the world did they come to
name you Susannah?" asked Mrs In
terrogation-point Really, l don't
know how precisely, replied the young
lady, very demurely; ''but l suspect it
was because l happened to be a girl.
Don't give me any of your lip"
said an ugly country school-teacher to
apert young miss who had "sassed"
him. "Oh, you needn't worry" she
retorted. II would not kiss you even
II the freckles on your face were gold
dollars"
1t is said Of a trimming store clerk
in Denver, that on seeing party of la
dies approaching him on the street he
dashed into an alley and hid until they
had passed. He had forgotten his cane
and could not think of meeting thu
party in such nude state.
''Do you use capital or little letters
when writing the name of statep"
asked new reporter. "What state is
itp" 'Rhode Island" use little
letters, of course-don't crowd the
state" "But there are two capitals in
Rhode Island" ooh, aha hem-yes,
so there are-but we can't help it"
Fipps, who had been lunching with
a friend upon frogs legs: Everything
you see is of some use in this world,
even the frog" Friend, who is dispu-
tatious: 81 don't agree with you. Of
what use is the mosquito to us?"
Fipps: "Ah! my dear fellow, you take
wrong view of things. Just think
how useful we are to the mosquito. -
Boston Gazette.
1t was Shakespeare who remarked:
Better three hours too soon than one
minute too late" Shakespeare never
waited three hours in rural railway
station on cold night, where dozen
men and boys were smoking vile pipes
and splitting tobacco juice against a
red-hot stove, or he would have said:
Better never than three hours too
soon"
Drug store boy to prescription clerk
Here's prescription, and the man
says he wants to know how long it will
take TO put II up. Prescription clerk,
rneditatively-Let me sect is abou,
dinner time Five minutes to 20 ovel
to dinner, eighteen minutes to eat din
ner, FIVE minutes TO get back, and two
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