News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-12-25
A BATCH OF STRAY JOKES,
PICKED UP FROM THE FUNNY coll
UMNs OF THE PAPERS.
irhe Poor Little ThinR-The Best E~c. @s'1
for FaiIiDG-A Musical F'n.-A
Joke-A Timely Hint, Etc., Etc'
A MUSICAL FLAT.

MUSICAL FLAT.
Life in New York flats, where each
floor is occupied by different family,
is not always harmonious. A musicai
young lady who lives on the second
floor of q fiat on Concord avenue, meet
ing on the stairs the old gentleman VINO
lives on the first floor, said to him:
"That miserable dog of yours bowls
all night long" -.--
eyes, 1 know it but to make up for
it he doesn't play on the piano all day
long. ."-Ieras Siftings.
A DUBIOUS COMPLIMENT.
"Well, Jones, what did you think OF
my lecture last night?"
"Capital capital !"
sDid the audience seem to De iavor-
ably impressed?"
"Wel!-er-at first it struck me that
some Of the audience appeared-er-lust
a little bored at the beginning. but at
the end the general satisfaction was
very pronounced. ! congratulate you,
old man"
GOOD JOKE.
81 suppose land must be very expen-
sive ND there ?" remarked Smith to Mr..
Isaacs, pointing to some properly on an
elevation.
"Vy ish dot ?"
"Because it is so high.
Mr.. Isaacs looked puzzled for a mo-
ment and then laughed.
''Dot's der pest I effer heard, Mr..
Smith, he said. "Pecause it vas. 50
biph-dots good. I gets dot choke OFT
Won Jacob Stein. He dinks he vas very
schmart:
'Jacob," said Mr.. Isaacs little later
81 subbose liant moosS be very expen-
sive oop dere, dond it ?"
'Vy so, MIR. Isaacs ?"
"Pecause it cost so moocb.
THE BEST EXCUSE TO GIVE HIS CREDITORS.
Grocer, to his shopman: PEDRO,
owe about three thousand francs.
''Yes, sir"
81 have two thousand francs in the
safe, but the shop is empty; think it is
the right moment 10 fail.
''That's just what think"
ssBut want plausible pretext for
my creditors. You have plenty OF brains;
think ihe matter over tonight and to-
morrow morning.
The clerk promised to think it care
fully over. On entering the shop next
morning, the grocer found the safe open,
the money gone, and in its place a note,
which ran as follows: 81 have taken the
two thousand francs, and am off to
America. 1t is the best excuse you can
give your creditors. San Francisco
ArgOnG1t.
( TIMELY HINT.
Mr.. Blinks-"Well, it does beat all.
I see by the paper that another Chicago
woman has left her husband and
eloped."
Mrs. Blinks-''The idiotic hussy."
Mr.. Blinks-"But the worst is that
she ran off with Chinaman.
Mrs. Blinks-"Oh ! That's different"
Mr.. different ?"
Mrs. Blinks-"Yes, q Chinaman dou't
stay out until q. M, to hear election
returns, and then try to unlock the
front door with toothpick.
Mr.. Blinks concluded to reform.
Philadelphia Call.
WHAT SHE WAS DOING.
s.I wonder what Mrs. Smith was doing
this afternoon said gossipy wife to
/ her usband. Ts'T saw her get ont OF her
carriage hrrriedly, and go to the door OF
Blank & Blank. Then she stepped back
and spoke to the coachman, who drove
in great haste around the corner, but
returned almost Immediately and Mrs..
I Smith reentered the carriage, and alto
gether it was very curious procedure.
/ can't imagine what she was doing"
| Possibly" suggested the husband,
''she was attending to her own bust
ness"
THE POOR LITTLE THING CAME O. o. D.
In the wee sma' and dark hours OF
Saturday morning Mr.. Blanks front
door, bell rang vigorously. The worthy
citizen went at once to the door, where
he found his man Michael in troubled
state of mind. Michael said that he had
that night been blessed with an addition
to his family; that the doctor called in
attendance and had demanded immediate
payment for his services. Having no
money III the house, he had called upon
Mr.. Blank to borrow some. MIehae'
Immediately received what he wanted,
and with profuse apologies for calling at
such an unreasonable hour, departed.
The next morning Mr.. Blanks daugh-
ters, who had heard the bell ring, asked
who it was that called so late, and they
were informed of the circumstances
Poor little thing p sympathetically ex
claimed bright little miss OF twelve
sumpoars. Hcame O. o. D.. didn't II?