The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-01-04

gan my lecture in a slow, measured tone
of voice, and you might have heard
cannon drop, or the stealing of pocket
handkerchief. At any rate, they were
attentive, | thought; so | let Off in due
co lrse what / considered Il joke. They
didn't take it. paused; then went on.
BY and-by | let off anothcr-same result;
then another and Smith, who had got
through his ticket collecting and inserted
himself among the people, began to APP
plaud Justify.
MY experience of sympathetic city
audiences had previously suggested that
when some one boldly and bravely leads
off the applause, Others usually follow,
but at Goshen this habit does not obtain.
A man well up in front cried, 'Silencel
Hishr
"Again proceeded, and told them a
story that many time and oft had re-
lated with screaming success in private
circles. Smith this time set up terrific
guffaw, stamped and clapped his hands
and rocked backward and forward, as
though he was utterly overcome by my
humor. The audience were not to be
lured into following his example.
'Silencep shouted one.
Don't interrupt the speakerr
howled another.
"'Turn him out = roared third.
"And half the audience rose to see
who had caused what they thought an
unseemly and riotous interruption to the
evenings proceedings A farmer-look
ing man near Smith had thick stick in
his hand and menacing look in his eye.
l thought he meant business, and would
go for him. had come to dead stand
still, and my agent saw his opportunity.
He leaped on one of the empty forms and
proceeded to address the audience.
:" Ladies and gentlemen, shricked he,
l am a free and enlightened citizen of
this glorious Republic, and | claim the
proud privilege of enjoying Mr.. Artemus
Wards anecdotes. When l enjoy any
thing laugh out loud, and when laugh
| make noise. | cast no reflection on
you, my fellow citizens, but it's clear to
me your heads are too thick for Mr..
Wards stories to penetrate. I The
rest of the sentence was lost in the con-
fusion that followed.
90 Out with him.
"'Who is he p
eli! Hi! Pitch him into the pond
"' Dry up
And hundreds of similar observations
rent the air. pantomimed to Smith to
withdraw, lie obeyed, and, peace be-
ing restored | proceeded. This episode
rather amused me, and I fell into my best
vein. | told them anecdote after
anccdote, story after story, and
fired off fusilsde of crisp and biting
jesis. 1t was no use, | could not for the
soul of me rouse them to any out
ward expressions of appreciation or en-
joymcnt. Then l felt vexed; at last l
grew whimsically vicious in my despair.
In for penny, in Tor a pound, thought
!; when suddenly stopped, and, glazing
detiantly mt a certain man in the audience,
pointed at him with my index finger,
ans, looking at my watch, said:
Ladies and gentlemen, for three
quarters of an hour | have been trying
my hardest to dig laugh out of you.
Up to now | haven't succeeded. | don't
wish to be personal, but if that man with
the red hair and the long nose doesn't
laugh soon, | shall stop this solemnity
and 90 and hang myself"
The audience, who had passed over
some mighty fine wheezcs and few
well-crusted Joe Millcrs, regarded this
ailu,ion to the rcd-haired man with the
long nose rs Il tremendous local joke
which they thoroughly understood, and
they simply set up howl. 1t turned
out that the victim of my daringly i'm
pertinent observation was a political
tailor on the unpopular side of the house,
who was in the habit of being violently
chaifed at the town meetings. l had
made a tluke-a hit-a grand and I'M
expected coup; and l wound up my
lecture as quickly as possible having
secured, at any rate, one resonant, ring
ing outburst. 1t is true, l had not cal
culated on this combined result of
audacity and accident; but | felt the
audience had had something for their
money, and had not left their homes
entirely in vain. AS they prepared to
disperse | said:
"'Oh, ladies and gentlemen, forgot
to mention that there is a key to this
lecture, an explanatory second part,
which | shall deliver this day three
weeks in Washington Any person who
feels that he has not mastered my subject
in its various details will be given free
ticket to Washington, in case he would
like to attend. | may also say that |
will be at the Buck hotel tomorrow up
to 80 a. NJ, and anyone who wishes
TO confer with me in regard to the jokes
have perpetrated, | shall have great
pleasure in explaining them and she'd
ding any light on 'em in my power And |
bear in mind, make no extra charge for
this.
The audience rolled out, chattering
away, and my faithful j. p. Smith stood
at the door to collect opinions.
" What did they seem to sayp I
asked, when we got to the hotel and
were totting up the receipts.
" Say" replied Smith, "well, |
wouldn't like to repeat all heard; but
one man said he guessed you were laugh
ing at them in your sleeve, and that you
were fraud, anyhow, and gently nsinu-
ated that the next time you visited Go
shen you'd better have your life insured
Another man said you might be smart
enough for some towns, but you wasn't