davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05
HUMOROUS.

"A nipping air-The one the mos
quito sings before he bites. -Ihiladel-
phia Herald.
When a hen rctircs for the night,
1t is quite proper to speak of her as u
oster.-RocheSter Post ErprcsS.
Philadelphia ladies are learning
baseball; one of them has caught her
husband out several times already
Boston Bulletin.
-" Well,n said Amy, after patiently
trying for an hour to drown Il worm in
Horse Creek, without being rewarded
by even a nibble "well, fishing isn't
what it's cracked up to be-" "Morc
slang" exclaimed the hgh-school girl;
"you should say: Fishing is not pull
verized according TO the original inten-
ton - oil City Derrick.
-"How is il you can tell such whop-
persp" asked caller, addressing the
editor of the fish-story department.
"Well, you scc," replied the editor.
"our wife's name is Anna" "What
has that to do with itp' "a great
deal. When we are writing lish-stories
we usually have Anna nigh us to help
u.s." The caller was carried to the hos
pital. - Chicago Times.
The old gentleman met him at the
door, almost before Hernandez hand
had left the bell-knob, and with one
courtly gesture of his paternal hand
waved the young man in the general
direction of the front gate. Hernandez
obeyed, with infinite tact and courtesy,
remarking as he moscyed down the de-
serted street, that he knew the signal
service had predicted cool wave from
the northeast, but he had no idea il
would get along so soon.-Detron Post.
Five or SIX couples had been invited
in TO play cards and listen to music,
and peaches had been passed with other
refreshments. The party was just
ready to break up when the terror of the
family entered the parlor and called
out: "There, pa. what did ma tell you?"
The governor" probably knew what
was coming, but before he could get the
youngster out of the way he shot of the
other barrel with: "Ma said if we
bought clingstonc peaches we'd save at
least halt, and we have. ."-DetroI Free
Press.
Little Mary, who is very much in
terested in studying 1.-The laws of
health" since school began, had been
asking Mr.. Rather all sorts Of questions
about diseases and their remedies.
"Now, papa" she continued, ''if you
neglect a bad cold you lay foundation
for the consumption, don't youp
"Ycs," answered her father. "And
consumptives are thin and pale, ar'n't
they?" yes "What other signs
are there in. well, in quick consump-
ton, papa?" "Five minutes for refresh
ments, posted in railroad stations" re-
sponded X. The examination closed.
Boston Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05
lie Ilumored Him.

A New York stock broker, who was
on his way TO Buffalo, observed that one
OF his fellow passengers was closely re-
garding him. aud after a time the man
came over and asked.
"Did see you in Chicago, in 1892"
The broker wasn't in Chicago in that
year, but thinking TO humor the
stranger he replied in the Affirmative.
Don't you remember of handing n
poor devil a silver dollar one night in
front of the Tremontp"
II do"
"Well, I'm the chap. was hard up.
out of work, and about ready to COM
NIT suicide. That money made new
man of me- BY one lucky shift and
another / am nov worth twenty-five
thousand dollars.
"Ah, glad to hear it,"
Now want you to take five dollars
in place of that fifty cents. can not
feel easy until that bill is paid"
The broker protested and objected,
but finally, just to humor the man, he
took his twenty-dollar bill, and gave
him back fifteen dollars. The stranger
soon Withdrew, and everything might
have ended there ii the broker, on
reaching Buffalo, hadn't ascertained
that the "twenty" was u counterfeit
and that he was fifteen dollars ont of
pocket. Wall Street Necs.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

--Francis Murphy, the temperance
apostle, has returned from Europe.
John Cockerell, of the st. Louis
Post Dispatch, has finally settled down
as managing editor of the New York
World.
1t is said that Charles Reade, tho
English novelist, is engaged in writing
series of lives of the patriarchs of
Scripture.
General Grants life has been pub
lished more times than that of any
other President except Washington. -
Chicago Herald.
Mr.. b. p. Shilaber (Elrs. Parting
tom is said to be much improved in
health since the beginning of the sum
mer He has returned homo TO Cbel-
sea.-B0st0R Post.
MIR. George w. Childs, of the Phla-
dclphia Lcdger, has recently added to
his already large and remarkable col
lection of clocks one that used to be
owned by the first Napoleon, and for
which he paid $1,000.
President Folks widow was re-
Gently made the recipient of large,
fiat bouquet, skillfully arranged with the
figure eighty in the center, on the eight
ieth anniversary of her birth. 1t was
from her neighborS in Nashville, Tenn.
Mrs. f. Lynn Linton, the English
story-wrter, is pleasant-faced lady of
sixty years, with gray hairs and specta-
cles. She spends her winters in Rome,
and is Il general favorite in society be-
cause of her brilliant conversational
powers.
Arab Pasha is devoting his hours
in exile to literature. He writes a beau
tiful style, and although his manuscripts
look like fy-specked wallpaper, they
read as smoothly ~ the flow OF sorghum
molasses from two-inch spigot. - CHI
cago NcVS.
The widow of the late Phillip Speed,
of Louisville, died recently at Coburg,
Ontario, having survived her husband
only few months. She was the daugh-
ter of George Keats, brother of the
poet, whose name is familiar to all read.
ers of Lord Houghton' Life Mrs.
Speed herself wrote poetry, which she
refused to have published during her
lifetime, but which is TO be given to the
world rs a memorial of her by her
family.
The Chinese Minister recently cele-
brated the event of his little daughter
reaching the age of four weeks, accord
ing to a Chinese custom, by a dinner
served in American style. Covers were
laid for twelve, and all the Chinese Lc-
CATION in Washington were present and
toasted the youthful heroine. Miss Mi
Ju is the first Chinese child born in
Washington. She receives the name
Mi, which means America, rs compli-
ment to this Government - Washington
Post
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

Jennie Higgins, the girl reported
missing from Plymouth, Mass, with
fears of having committed suicide, APP
pearcd at last TO the family of b. A.
Hathaway, having been hiding in the
celler all the time, six days. She con.
cealed herself in the cellar closet and
came out nights. The explanation of
this strange action is that she had been
drinking hard before secreting herself,
and was doing the act in drunken cum
ming; in the closet in which she was
hidden were small lots of cider, porter
and fruit wine, of which she consumed
the whole stock. The house was searched
twice, once by the chief of police, from
attic to ccllar.-Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05
Boston has . Law and Order Leagu

Boston has Law and Order League
which the liquor dealers deem so dan
gerous that they have provided fund
TO fight it. Through its instru-
mentality thirty dealers have been fined
or imprisoned within few weeks, and
its successful efforts to get verdicts un-
der the Civil Damage law have alarmed
tho trade. Two women had each a
young son convicted of crime while
drunk, and the League gained heavy
damages for them. These cases have
set other sufferers to thinking, and
great number Of suits are to be brought
: Boston Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

Mile Andre is 3 years old; she is
playing with her doll, and in her talk
with it she calls herself lady. "You
a lady?" says one of the friends pres
ent, purposely to bother her. Ger
tainly am lady. | Ialready thrash
my little one. French paper.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

The critics are poking fun at a
magazine article for saying: "Man
is our brother" OF course he is.
You wouldn't call him your sister,
would you? If the article said
"Man is our sister," the critics would
have reason for kicking.-Peck's Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

To get rid of the smell of fresh
paint in chamber or living room,
slice few onions and put them in
the middle of the room. After that
it will be desirable to get rid of the
onions. This can easily be done by
putting on another coat of paint
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

There was man, once upon time,
who thought him wondrous wise, he
swore by all the tabled gods he'd
never advertise. But his goods were
advertised ere long, and thereby hangs
a tale; the "ad" was set in nonpa-
reil and headed "Sheriff's Sale
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

my dear Polly, l am surprised at
your taste in wearing another woman's
hair on your head" said Mr.. Smith
to his wife. "My dearest Joe, | am
equally astonished that you persist in
wearing other sleeps wool on your
back" Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

"What is the next thing to dude ?"
was asked in a fashionable parlor the
other evening. One lady answered
an ape, another an ourang-outang, but
when a little girl said the next thing
to dude is his undershirt, the sub
iect was suddenly dropped.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

"Why don't you favor Mr.. Archer,
my childW "Oh, for the best of
reasons, ma. One can't expect to
make much of hit in society with
an old-f fashioned cross-beau !"-Yon-
kers Gazette.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

Leadville claims that chronic dis
ease is an unknown thing in that
vicinity. The fact is people don't
live long enough there to die of
chronic diseases.-Burlington Free
Press
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

A New York Alderman, being told
recently that he was ambiguous, de-
clared that the charge was false, as he
had not drank anything for year
Chicago Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

The enterprising individual who is
organizing a brass band of twenty
women says that, if they learn half
as many "airs" as they put on, the
experiment cannot fail to be a success.
-Ex
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

Under the head of Injustice to
Ireland" the Detroit Free Press an
nounces the marriage of Oscar Wilde
to a Dublin girl.-New York Com
mercial Advertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

A Connecticut newspaper has put
the enterprise of its contemporaries to
shame by long article on "The Next
Worlds Fair."-New York Evening
Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

1t amt allus de silent man dat's de
smartes'. De sheep doan make ez
much fuzz ez de dog, but he amt got
nigh ez much sense.-Plantation Phil
osophy.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

"Yes," remarked the Mining Ga
zette, "it is an open winter" and then
added: "Open at both ends, and the
winter blows right through it.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

81 have a great ear, wonderful
ear" said conceited musician, in
the course of conversation. $50 has
a jackassl" !" replied a bystander.--
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

He-"You made fool Of me when
l married you, ma'am." She-"Lor! I!
You always told me you were self
made mar" n."-London Punch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

When a bachelor says he is single
from choice it makes him mad to ask
him why the girls made choice of
some other fellow.-Chicago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05
NEW YORK, 1884.

About sixty million copies Of The Sun have gone
out Of our establishment during the past twelve
months.
IL you were TO paste end TO end all the columns Of
all The Suns printed and sold last year you would
get continuous strip Of interesting information,
common sense wisdom, sound doctrine and sane
wit long enough TO reach from Printing House
square to the top of Mount Coperneus in the moon,
then back to Printing House square, AMI then
three-quarters Of tho way back TO tho moon again.
But The sun is written for tho inhabitants OF the
earth this same strip of itellgcnce would girdle
the globe twenty-ssvon or twonty-eight times.
If evory buyer OF copy OF The sun during the
past yoar has spent only one hour over it, and II
his wlo or his grandfather has spont another hour,
this newspaper in 1885 has afforded the human race
thirteen thousand years Of steady reading, ni2ht
and day.
1t is only by little calculations like these that you
can form any idea OF the circulation of the most
popular of American newspapers, of its influence
on the opinions and actions OF American men and
women.
Tho Sun Is, and will continue TO be, q newspaper
which tells tho truth with out fear of consequences,
which gots at the facts no matter how much the
process costs, which presents the news of all the
world without waste OF words and in the most
readable shape, which is working with all its heart
for the cause Of honest government and which
therefore believes that the Republican party must
go, and must go in this coming year OF our Lord,
1884.
III You know The Sun, you like it already, and
you will read IT with accustomed diligence and profit
during what is TO be the most interesting year
in it's history. II you do not yet know The sun, II
Is high time 10 got into the sunshine.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05
Terms to Mail subscribers.

The several editions Of Tho sun are sent 10y mail,
postpaid, MS follows:
DAILY-5o cents a month, Sc year; with Sunday
edition, 81.
SUNDAY Eight pages This edition furnishes
the current nows OF the world, special aticlCs OF
exceptional interest to everybody. and literary re-
viows of new hooks of ths highest merit. 81 a
year.
WEEKLY-si n yoar. Eight pages OF the best
matter OF the Daily issues an Agricultural De-
partment of unequalled value special market re-
potts and literary, scientific, and domostic intel
ligence make The Weekly sun the newspaper for
the farmers household. To clubs OF ten with slo,
an extra copy free.
Address, /. W ENGLAND, Publisher,
Tho Sun, n. Y. City.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

"This is my coat of aims" said Il
tramp, tapping the ragged garment
the deacon of a church had just given
him. Merchant Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05
Advertising Rates.

business Cards, year. dollar for every line.
Local Notices ten cents per line for each insertion,
Snd all notices continued for three months or longer,
q discount OF 25 per cent.
Advertisements sunaccompauied by verbal or written
directions will be published three months.
Advertisements, under contract ordered out 20
Ire expiration of time viii be charged full rates
No paper discontinued until all arTearsges are paid
sseept at the option Of the publisher.
Transient Advertisements must be paid In advance
SS-rerms CASH, payable quarterly.
Only Metal Cuts Inserted.
Prices and Terms alike TO all.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

Every fresh trick the professional
roller skater adds to his or her roper
toire is called a new rinklc.-Somer-
vile Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

The man who lives too fast is bound
to die too quick.-New Orleans Pic
ayune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

Drawing room cars on morning and evening trains
between Bay City and Detroit, extra charges only
25 cents
Night express east runs Sunday night instead OF
saturday All other trains daily except sunday
SANFORD KELLER, Sup't |
w. ID. HITCHCOCK,
Ticket Agent, Apena, Mich. !
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05

A promising young mantle fel-
low who always says "I'll see you
later. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05
Flint & Pere Marquette R. R.

Tho shortest quickest, and most reliable route to
and from Detroit, Toledo, Cleveland CINCINNATI,
Saginaw and Bay City.
GOING EAST, SOUTH AND WEST.
Leave Alpsna daily, except Sunday, by Alpenn
and Oscoda line of stages at n. m.
GOING soUTH-EAsr.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-03-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
A good ft-a fit of laughter
New York Commercial Advertiser.
The man who lives too fast is bound
to die too quick.-New Orleans Pic
ayune.
A promising young man-the fel-
low who always says "I'll see you
later. FIX.
How will the New York delegation
stand New York Sun. On their
feet, we suppose.
The most appropriate pastry for a
free lunch counter-sponge cake.-
Philadelphia Call.
The man who wouldn't wonder"
must be the LATEST man in the world.
New Orleans Picayune.
Artificial cork has been invented,
and we shall soon hear Of adulter-
ated lifs-preservers.-Lowell Courier.
At the barbers: as it the same
razor that you used yesterday
"Yes, monsieur" "Well, apply the
chloroform at once. French paper.
"A Burlington mother has miracu-
lously cured her youngest hopeful of
smoking by the laying on Of hands,
Ex.
The American hog is expected to
breed disturbance between this coun-
try and Germany.-New Orleans
Picayunc.
Every fresh trick the professional
roller skater adds to his or her roper
toire is called a new rinkle.-Somer-
vile Journal.
"This is my coat of aims" said a
tramp, tapping the ragged garment
the deacon of a church had just given
him.-Merchant Traveller.
He-"You made a fool Of me when
l married you, ma'am." She-"Lor
You always told me you were self
made an."-London Punch.
"Yes," remarked the Mining Ga
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-08-08
PROBATE ORDER.
STATE OF MICHIGAN. !
cousrv an SuIAwAsTEF

STATE OF MICHIGAN 49,
COUNTY or SHfAwAsTEE o"
At session of the Probate Court for said
Couaty. held atrhc Probate Office, the City OF
Corunaa. on Tuesday, the sth day of August In
the year Of our Lord Que thousand eight hundred
and sighty-four.
PRsssNr. A. A. Harper, Judge of Paobste.
In the matter ofthc estate of Andrew ]. Powers,
deceased, Jacob S. Dodder, Executor of said es-
tate, comes into Court aud represents that he is
now prepared to render his annual account as such
Executor.
Th-reupon IL is Ordered, that Monday, the 3sth
day OF August next, at ten o'clock in the forenoon,
he assigned for examining aud allowing such &C
count and that the heirs at Ia OF said deceased.
and al, other persons interested in said estate arc
required 10 appear At a session of said Court then
to be holden at the Probate Office in the City oil
Coruuna ia ,sid county and show cause, II any
there he. why the said account should not be
allowed
And II is Further Ordered. that said Executor
give notice to the persons interested In said es
tate. of the tendency of said account, and the
tearing thereof, by causing copy of this order
t. he published in The Times newspaper printed
and circulating in said county, two successive weeks
to SAID day of hearing A. ~ Harper
"a TRUE COPY Judge of Probate.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-08-08

Three men were hanged Friday noon
at ScOttsboro, Alabama, for arson in
the first degree.
The republicans of the Ninth district
of Indiana have nominated Major j. G.
Doxey for congress.
Gas wells of great power have been
struck at HomewoOd and Twins Sta
ton, near Pittsburg.
A dispatch from Baltimore chroni-
cles the demise OF General James II.
Herbert, police commissioner.
The governor of Montana has issued
proclamation quarantining Texas
cattle from northern ranges.
A squad of Texas rangers has gone
to Preside county to suppress band
of Apache horse-thieves.
Nearly half the buildings in Alton.
New York, were swept away by fire.
the loss being $4,000.
The Chicago, Milwaukee and st.
Paul road reports an increase of $751;
900 in its earnings for the fourth week
of July.
The baseball clubs organized at
saltwater and Fort Wayne were dis
banded because of financial embarrass-
meDt.
The PAGERS Johnston and Richball
have been matched for n race at Cleve-
land within three weeks, for purse of
$1,000.
Mrs. Mary Melville, a granddaughter
of General Henry Dearborn. died in
Galena on Wednesday, at the age of
SO years.
Thomas A. Hendricks journeyed
from Saratoga to Albany, Thursday,
to meet Governor Cleveland for the
first time.
The food at Cincinnati last spring
sn fbornnrhlv cleansed the bottoms
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-08-08
Rjnoworm Humor and Salt Rheun.


RAyNHADI, MASS, Aug. IL, lSl5.-
G. /. HOOP & Co.: Gentlemen-s
I have had ringworm humor and salt-rheum
so badly that my body was covered with raw
sores; so, also, my head and face. 1 KAYE
had any number OF doctors In the last seven
years, and none Of them could cure me. one
day my mother was In the city g. Taunton,
reading II found many people testifying to
cures from the use OF your Sarsaparilla and
Olive Ointment. 1 ielt fQrced to try 1t;
although had seen many things advertised
taken two small bottles and one large one OF
Sarsaparilla. and used three boxes OF ONT
ment j now call myself cured. Nothing
can be seen Of the bumor but the dim out
lines of the sores. 1 shall take two more
bottles, and then the cure will be complete.
am gratefully yours,
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-08-08
EDGAR +. WHITMAN
BiEousness, Sick Headache.
DrTrTaETTTn MASS

PTTTSFTELD, MAsSs
MrssRs. G. 7. HooD & Co: Gents-Please
send me by express two bottles HOODS SAR-
sAPARILLA and few Cook Books for dis,
tribution. Your preparation has worked
wonders i'm the case OF my wife, WHO has
iousness for years. She only took one-half
teaspoonful at dose, and has not been so
well for five years as now. She found that
within week after taking IL she felt very
much better, and Is now entirely free from
those severe headaches. She has not taken
any OF any account since last spring, and
what little she had Is lent to do some Others
some good, and we must have II In the house.
Yours truly.
HOMER Ii. NASH.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-08-08
REFERENCES.

REFERENCES
National Board of Health, Washington, d. C.
National Board of Health Bulletin, Supplement No.
Dr. Baking Powder heads the entire list purity
strength.
Prof Odgen Doremus M L. d. College of the City New
York.
Prof G. Ked.ie, Michigan State College, Lansing, Mich.
Prof. H. M. Schefer, St. Louis, Mo.
Prof. Charles c. Boynton, Brandon Mt
Prof. James +. Babcock State Assaye, Boston, Mass
Dr. Elias H. Barley B. 81 Chemist to the Department of Health
Brooklyn N. Y.
Prof Howard M Sc Startling Medical College, Colum-
bus, Ohio.
Prot. M. Deafontaine, Chicago, Ill.
Prof G. A. Mariner Chicago, ILL.,
Prof John NJ Ordway Mass Inst of Technology Boston.
A. Withatus, A. NJ, M d. University of Buffalo N. Y
A. III. Sabin, State Chemist Burlington Vermont.
million families that have used it for quarter Of
old trick of the Royal Co. to throw dirt crying lime and
potash tranposng paradg black ne and alleged Government
Chemists order detract pubic notice from the disgusting drug
their powder They know that DR. Prices does contain
ammonia, lime or poth
Do not take our word for it, Let every housekeepr provet
until
and smell
PRICE BAKING POWDER 60.