The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-05-11
WORDS OF WISDOM.
Sage observations on Stocks. Spots
on the Sun, and Peruvian
Politics.
Many Popular Notions ControVerted'

There was look OF deep concern
upon the face OF Billy Birch. the
veteran minstrel. as he sat in the
lobby of the Brewer House yesterday
afternoon. His snow white beard.
bald head and round figure made him
familiar object to the men about
town who ssuntered in apd out. But
there was that about the downcast
eyes, firmly set lips and clasped hands
which suggested that the minstrel wss
thinking about something. This ia
not an infrequen! occurrence with
Mr.. Birch, although be does not like
to admit it to his friends. A Herald
reporter interrupted the reVerie.
SIS it true" asked the reporter.
'that you have lost all your money liz
stocks, Mr.. Birch?"
"Yes. it's so," replied the veteran
with sigh. The trouble is that the
world has always misunderstood me.
Everybody insists that I'm a funny
man, but I never said funny thing
in my life. [ was born to be finan.
cier. 1t comes natural for me to
handle large amounts of money, and
nothing would give me more pleasure
than to do so just now. But even my
friends haven't found out that my
talent lies in this direction. There
is nothing more dissgreeable to a
fl s1cier than to have people repre-
sent him as funny man, and no one
will ever know how have suffered in
secret. Well, l finally went to Wall
street. Even there wasn't appreci
ated, and the first thing / knew l was
clean busted Now, that's no way
to treat a fellow-fnancier and born
speculstor. Those fellows in Wall
street are not fnanciers at al; they
don't give a man 9 chance 10 catch
his breath"
"Well, have you decided to go back
to the siage?"
eyes. resign myself to my fate.
Henceforth 1 shall be 8 miserable
msn. Just think of financier
blaeking up his face and playing
bones on the end"
"HoW are the theatres doing gen.
erally?"
Pretty well, but they are making
q great mistake in neglecting native
talent. Now, just look at the white
elephant, for instance. What sense
is there in going to Siam for an attrsc
ton when a manager has Union
Square to pick from. Then, again,
come Of the churches are hurting toe
minstrel business"
MR.. BIRCH DISCUSSES POLITICS.
by the way, Mr.. Birch, under
stand that you have devoted mach
attention to the Methodist confer
ences."
"Good Heavepl my secret is ont at
last. Yes, l have been watching the
Methodists very closely. In tact, /
have passed many a night without
sleeping a wink, 90 anxious have /
been over these conferences. You
can make up your mind tina! they
will adopt tariff for revenue only a
their platform and nominate a good
man. because -"
but, Mr.. Birch. the Method
conferences only discuss religious sui.
jects sld - "
81 guess know what I'm talking
about. The conferences have got to
send their man before the country
upop national issue, anu that settles
it. You ask John 7. Raymond il
amt right "
Il suppose you must look With in
terest upon the coming Presidential
campaign"
well, that's pretty good. Have !
spent the last three months in fgur-
ing out the political situation only to
be told that | look with interest upon
the subject? Why, my political
studies have preyed upon my health.
(Mr. Birch weighs only $50 pounds.
Next to finance my great hold il
politics"
who do you think will bethe next
Presidea,?"
sit lies between three men -TlldeD,
who objects 10 being nominated; But
Ter. who objects to being left, and
Holman. who objects to everything. "
"What do you think will be the
issue of the election|
There won't be any issue. Whst'l
the use of having an issue, anyhow
Mr.. Birch was very retioent when
questioned as to the spots On the sun
He has given great deal eff his time
to this subject and has neglected
other business in order to grspple
With the scientific difficulties of The
problem. When pressed for inform
ton he said that he was no! prepared
to talk fully as to the spots on the sur
just at present,
81 am strongly Impressed with tht
fact that this phenomenon has ar
intimate relation to much that hap
pens on the surface of the EARTH" he
said, graveIy. SIT is all very we'll fol-
frivolous persons to jest abouiiit, bu
men OF thoughtful disposition are be.
ginning to zee that there is more
in the problem than appears on the
surface. Take a person like Mr
William Travers, for instance. What