Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-06-26
NASBY.
Mr.. Nasty Dreams Dream and Has a Horrible
Awakening.

Mrs Nasty Dreams Dream and Has a Horrible
Awakening.
CoNFEDERIT X ROAD (Which is in the
State NV kentucky, June 8, 1851
he'd dreem last mite witch | wish from
the bottom NV my heart Good be real
lzed. 1t wuz dreem SO rich, so full NV
everything wich wuz deliteful, that
almost wish he'd died afore awakenin
from it to the cold realities NV a crooel
and unsympathetic world. 1t wuz a
dreem witch extended over a considera-
BILE space Nv time.
Methawt | wuz Il delegate to the DIM
ekratic Nashnel Conyenshun from this
Deestrik in Kentucky. | wuz entirely
happy, for he'd rooms at a fust-class
hotel and plenty nv money, for | he'd
promised the managers Nv all NV the
candidates to vote for their man, and
wuz reseevln money from eech. In ad-
dishn | he'd sold all five NV the tikkits |
he'd at my disposal TO the convenshun to
outsiders, and he'd turned a handsome
penny buyin up from the other dele
gates, and sellin agin at a higher price
All the deleg ates wuz on the make, only
Iou SOUI'ciiOI luISlllpeHCc.
1t wuz a deliteful experience, only it
wuz in my sleep. Thank heaven for
sleepi All my good times | hev in nv
dreems. We wuz about to concentrate
on Tilden, Sam'l j., his bari hevin bin
tapped at both eends and the buno
knocked out. The old gentleman he'd
actooally determined to be candidate
on reform platform, and wuz buvin
up NV delegates at a rate wich | never
dreemed he wuz capable NV. No mat
ter wat may be sed NV his honisty, Their
amt no doubt ez to his liberalty or his
akkerit knollege NV the make up Nv
Dimekratic Convenshuns. | he'd sold
out to him four times, aud so he'd the
heft Nv the delegates, and we got our
money every time. Samycoel's mana
gers sed that so sot wuz the old man on
the question NV reform that he'd scoop
the nominashen eff he he'd to buy every
delegate to the convenshun.
Jist ez we he'd made up cur minds
to vote for him and end the matter we
received a dispatch from Moo York that
the old man he'd been struck with par
alysiS and his rite side wus completely
dead. His managers were appalled, at
the terrible intelligence, but not so the
delegates. Ore gentleman from Inie-
any riz to his feet and demanded in
thunder tones if he could still use his
left hand.
''He kinm wuz the reply.
VERY good then. He kin sign checks
with his left hand, and so long ez he
kin sign checks he is good enuff re-
form candidate for me- With him ez our
standard barer the Dimocrisy of Inie-
any will pay cash for likker this fall
any how"
Then the dreem went on. We went
into the campane and | moved immedi-
ately to lnjeany, bokoz there amt no
money in bein Dimekrat in Ken
lucky. Kentucky is safe enyhow,
and when | asked for contriboosheus
for the campane wus met with chill
lin refoosle. 1.-The reform tikkit kin
kerry Kentucky anyhow wus the chill
lin response. land my money must 90
into the doubtful States.
Injeany bein a doubtful State, went
over Their and threw my sole into the
work. got the posishen NV disburser
in Congressional deestrick, and when
the eleckshun come | voted six times,
gettin my three dollars per vote with
the rest NV EN-.
In my dreem Tilden was elected on
the reform Ishoo, and then come the
millennium. We didn't pay much at
tenshun to questions Nv public polisy,
but we did make a clean sweep NV all
the Republican offisholders. We spared
nothin. One armed solierz wuz throwd
out Nv places, ez well ez wimmen wich
held small post oflises. Their wusn't
offs, no matter how small, witch we
couldn't find sturdy Dimekrat willin
to take. Their wuz wher we COM
menced the work NV reform
Nv course | got the post-ollis at the
Corners. The niger Lubbock, wich
he'd held it sence Grants first inoggera-
shun, wuz relegatid to his shoe-bench,
and | wuz installed in his place, The
salary wuzn't large, but Their wuz per-
kisits. | didn't hev the mandolin NV any
letters containin remittances for moose
papers, so ! got no revenoo from that.
The Republicans in this visinity, ez soon
ez | wuz installed, mailed ther letters
containin money for noosepapers at 9th
er oflises, becoz, ez they remarkt, they
he'd bin iuterdoosed to me, and the
Dimocrisy don't take no newspapers.
This source Nv reyenoo wuz cut off en-
tirely.
But Their wuz other things witch did
pay. ! reserved on q average six letters
day addressed to the Looseaner and
other lotteries, and them | capcherd |
believe that games NV chance is immor-
al. Shood | encurridge my people in
this wickednis? No, and to cure EN-
opened Their letters and didn't let EN-
know that he'd the money, hopin that
after tryin sevrel times for prize and
gittin nothin, they wood desist. There
is many ways NV seryn the Lord. and |
bev my pekoolyer way. And it wuz
with grim satisfeckshen that | opened
Bascom' 5 regler remittances to Moo Or
leans for lottrY tikkits. and went over
and paid him for his Iikker in the same
| quit gOin TO Bascom's almost alto
gether. preferred to sit in my offs,
by open winder, thro witch | Good see
the smoke Nv McPelter's distillery isin
gracefully to the heyins, and send my
first assistant out, whose salerY ! col
lected NV the Government, givin him
my doc bill therefor, for my likker. 1t
wuz easier sendin him out for my
drinks than to 60 myself and much
more dignitied.
Deekin Pogram he'd got 10 be collect
or vice Pollock removed, and ez we he'd
got an oppropriashen for slack water in
Secession erik, with all nv lis in the
contrak an likewise an appropriation
for moo post-oifis, Bascom was reseev-
in cash for his likker. and the Corners
WIZ happy.
That wuz in my dream ez ] dozed ia
a chair at Bascom's. Wood that that
dreem he'd continnered. Bat it did not.
| was awakened by the iirin NV guns,
and from force of habit contrakid when
| wuz in the louisiana Peikins the min
nit heerd the sound | started to run.
Comm to myself, and rememberin that
the war was over, | sot down again
Wat sounds reeched my GERS? IL wuz
Pollock and Joe Bigler and a hundred
niggers on the square hoorahin for
Blaine and Logan! That wuz no dreem.
The Republican convenshun he'd met
L i. A