Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1884-09-11
SUCH a FUNNY FELLOW.
An Ancient Pun and It's Eject.

A very funny young man lives up on
Prairie Avenue. He says such very
funny things that he laughs at them un-
til the tears come into his light-blue
eyes. He has a lady friend, or did have,
living across the block, and one evening
last week he took her to a down town
theatre. 1t may have been the eXube-
rant spirit of the play, or it may have
been something else, that in more than
an ordinary manner melted his versatile
and irrepressible humOr, but at all events
the way home on the grip-car he would
keep making such uprOariOusly
witty speeches, and then he would
shake his sides with mirth until the car
was in danger Of jumping the track;
while she, well, she tried vainly to smile
a few times early in the game, but, being
forced to give even this up, she had
struggled herOically the remaining dis
lance in the endeaVOr to refrain from
bursting hOpelessly into tears till they
should get off the car. Now, the young
lady in question follows closely the pre-
vailing fashions, and, as is the correct
thing at the present time, detests pugs,
pOOdIes and black-and-tans, but is the
happy pOssessOr Of an elephantine fat
and refined bull dog, which she has
named Danger, and which she fOndles
caressingly, and treasures as her hearts
especial delight The twain had
crossed Thirty-fTst street and were
nearing her home, where, quietly re-
posing inside the gate, her fond pet
awaited her coming. When by the
bright light Of the moon the young
mans eye fell upon the canine, another
happy thought struck him. 1t seemed
to him the very happiest thought of his
whole life, and so irresistibly and over
cOmingly funny that he wanted to lie
down on the grass plat by the pave
glanced futlVely at his companion, and
seeing that he had not quite yet reduced
her to a state OfirrecOVerable imbecility,
decided to give it to her.
"In what manner, Miss A., does
Danger Wesemble an inclined plane2" he
asked.
She sighed resignedly and gave it up,
as she did everything else of his that was
transcendently humorous.
"Wel, !" he explained, simply because
he is slope up; dye see? er-a-a slow
pup"
This unprOvOked slur upon the subject
Of her hearts affections was the very last
bucketful that was wanting 70 make the
torrent burst through the dam. Till then
she had borne up with patient agony
and listened to all his little
Witlets, had even tried to APP
pear pleased thereat, and had
positively refused to lie down and die;
but this whitening inuendo hurled
against her tiny pet was just a drop too
much-yes, several Of them.
Wretch !" she shrieked, trembling
with rage and towering before him like
a savage GOness at bay "HoW dare you
call my oWnest darling such hOrrid,
nasty, vicious names2 A slow pup, In
deed Villainl Wen teach you'll Here,
Danger, take him; seize him. Dangerp
and frantic with passion she threw open
the gate and Danger bounded forth.
With a howl Of fear that funny young
man tried to climb the nearest tree, but
his time was limited, and that harmless,
scandalized, and outraged pet, with CORY
mouth and blOOd-shOt eyes, climbed after
him-and reached him, and when he
had gotten through nibbling him there
wasn't enough left together Of the rear
sections Of that funny young mans ALE
wool trousers to make pen-Wiper Of
He doesn't call at that house any more,
and he has recently been heard to re-
mark that Danger Weally isn't such a
slow pup sftah all"