davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09
Names that Mislead.

The Providence Journal calls
attention to some curiosities of
misnomer. Black lead is not
lead at all, but a compound of
carbon and a small quantity of
iron. Brazilian grass never grew
in Brazil, and is not grass; it is
nothing but strips of palm-leaf.
Burgundy pitch is not pitch, and
does not come from burgundy;
the greater part of it is resin and
palm-oil. Batgut is made from
the entrails of sheep. Cutie
bone is not bone, but kind Of
chalk once enclosed in the fossil
remains of extinct specimens of
cutie fish. German silver was
not invented in Germany, and
does not contain a particle of sill
yer. Cleopatra's Needle was not
erected by the Egyptian Queen,
nor in her honor. Pompey's pill
err has no historical connection
with Pompey in any way. Seal
ing-wax docs not contain aparticle
of wax, but is composed OF Venice
turpentime, shellac and cinnabar.
The tuberose is no rose, but q
species of pelyanth. The straw
berry is no berry, but only sue
culent receptacle. Turkish baths
did not originate in Turkey, and
are not baths, but heated cham
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09
Young Americas Watch.
Boston Globe.

The boy that wears a watch is
an important character. Atschool
he is envied and on the street he
is respected. None of the boys
grab him and throw him down,
for they might break his time
keeper. He has way OF twisting
the chain when he talks, and Of
looking at his watch when he hears
a railroad train, and saying twelve
ten or sixty-fve, or eight-sixteen.
The other boys stand around and
regard him with admiration. He
grows mp and probably goes to
college with a distinguished air,
but in q few years he pawns his
watch with q man who, as boy,
often stood around him and adj
mired it.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09
[Chicago Inter-Ocean.l

Last evening / saw the latest
startling novelty in dress, worn
by a young lady who was waltzing
with son of Sir Hugh Allan, q
youth remarkable for his combina-
ton of lilac vest and tweed trons-
ers and coat. The young lady is
a Philadelphia, a beauty and an
beiress. She was encased in q
flesh -colored silk, tailored" to
her figure SO closely that every
curve and bend of it was exposed.
The sleeves fitted so tightly she
could hardly raise her arm to her
partners shoulder, and every re-
spiration was visible.
Over this skin-fitting silk was a
plain drapery Of exquisite black
lace, the effect of which was abb
solutely startling, the wearer ap
pearing like a flesh tinted marble
figure under a black veil.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09
Pats Reyly.

Marquette Mining Journal.
It takes an Irishman to hit the
nail square on the head every time.
A monopolist in this section, en-
ploying a large number of men, at
the lowest possible wages, said to
an Irishman in his employ: "Pat'
I hear you are going to vote for
Cleveland" "Faith, I think I
WILL" said Pat "Now, look here,
Patrick, if Cleveland is elected
your wages will not be more than
fifty cents a day." sArrah, now,
what's that you're givin' u.s. said
Pat; ''if you really thought SO you
would vote for him YOURSELF"
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09

en- home. His dying kiss, his last
good,by, the loving death would
print upon his face-they would new
er see it, they would never hear it.
What wonder our soldiers hearts
were heavy as the burden on the
bier, and our tears were measured by
our steps. An the mournful drums
in their sad monotone. pattering
tears upon a coffin lid, sobbed on
on like the murmurous rushing OF
a troubled stream, hushing the shrill
grief of the complaining fifes, soften
ing their cries into the plaintive
MOANING OF SORROW
that has swept its violence away and
mourns with the plaintive night
wind.
"Halt!n How the corporal voiced
his orders. "Rest on armsl" The
chaplain is reading something from
the only book men read at that time:
81 am the Resurrection and the
Life; he that believeth in Me, though
he were dead yet shall he live. And
whosoever believeth in Me shall new
er die. -
With broken voice he prays above
the dead, and our hearts echo the
prayer, as they seem to lie in the
rude coffin with our comrade.
"Atte ntion! Shoulder-arms
Load at will-fire !"
How tie ring volleys over the grave
makinga thousand discordant echoes
in the woods about us break in abb
ruptly and harshly upon our grief.
"By platoon, RICH. wheel-marchl
Column forward, guide left, quick
march /"
Cheerily the flies sang out the old
dancing measures of ''Garry D wen"
merrily rattle the close-strung drums
spirited ana inspiring, with pieces
at fright shoulder" gaily back into
camp we marched.
What we followed the dead SOL
der and stood in tears by his lonely
grave-we have been away from the
camp nearly three hours-and the
world hasn't slipped cog; it hasn't
missed a single heart beat; it hasn't
stood still a second. Ike second re-
lief had just gone on when we went
out, and there goes the third just
marching out now.
What are the drums for Fall in
for dress parade.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09

Conductor, will you please tell
me at what time this train will
reach Boston ?"
swell, really madam, l cannot
say" he replied, punching her tick
ct.
"Isn't it little singular, sir"
she asked, somewhat surprised,
"that you cannot give me this in
formation ?"
"Not at all singular. The train
may never reach Boston, but it is
due there at $780,
The young woman sank back in
her seat, mortified that she. Bos-
ton girl, should have made such a
stupid mistake.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09
A Good story.
Reho both Sunday Herald


The bishop of Atlanta, Ga, re-
Gently addressed a large assembly
of Sunday-school children, and
wound up by asking in very
paternal and condescending way:
"And now, is there a-a-n-y little
boy or a-a-n-y little girl who would
like to ask me a question 7"
After pause he repeated the
question, rs there a-a-n-y little
poy or a-a-n-y little girl who would
like to ask me a question:" A
little shrill voice called out,
"Please sir, why did the angels
walk up and down Jacobs ladder
when they had wings 7" 'Oh, ali /,
yes--I see," said the bishops;
"Now is there a-a-n-y little girl
who would like to answer little
Mary's question:"
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09
VERY REMARKABLE RECOVERY.

Mr.. Geo. v. Willing, OF Manches-
ter, Mich, writes: my wife has
been almost helpless for five years, so
helpless that she could not turn over
in bed alone. She used two Bottles
of Electric Bitters, and is so much
improved, that she is able now TO do
her own work"
Electric Bitters will do all that is
claimed for them. Hundreds OF tes-
timonials attest their great curative
powers. Only fifty cents bottle at
4. G.. Williams E Bros.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09

DAUGHTERS, WIVES AND MOTHERS. We
emphatically guarantee DR. anarchists
Catholicon, Female Remedy, to cure
Female Diseases, such as Ovarian troub-
les, Inflammation and liberation, Falling
and Displacement or bearing down feel
ing, irregularities, Barrenness, Change of
Life, Leucorrhoea, besides many weak
nesses springing from the above, like
Headache, Bloating, Signal weakness,
Sleeplessness, Nervous debility, Palpit-
alton of the heart. nc. For sale by
Druggists. Price $l0o and Sl.50 per
Bottle. Send to DR.. j. b. Marchisi, Utica,
N. Y, for Pamphlet, free. For sale By
J. A. G. Hover, Druggist. June lily.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09

San Francisco Argonaut.
1t was Market street restau-
rant. A solemn man entered, fol-
lowed by his dog, seated himself,
and asked for the bill of fare. 1t
was given him.
'sWhat would you like to have
sir7r asked the waiter, Tipping
the table with his napkin.
The dog meanwhile had climb
ed upon the chair of the other
side of the table, and was gravely
regarding his master.
"Well,' said the solemn man.
refectively, s'gimme two fried
eggs, turned over.'
Gimme the same," said the dog.
The waiter gazed at the animal
with am azement mingled with
horror. The solemn man con-
tinued:
"Then ! guess you can gimme
a sirloin steak, very rare, with
fried potatoes"
Gimme the same," said the
dog.
The walters face assumed the
color of cold boiled veal.
soup O. coffee, plenty o. milk, !"
went on the solemn man.
"Gimme the same" said the
dog.
The waiter shuddered, and turn
ing, fled to the kitchen.
A man with a squirt, at an adj
joining table, was much interested
in the scene. He had observed it
closely, and finally spoke to the
solemn man:
cit must a. been q fearful lot o.
work to learn that dog to talk,
mister?o
cit was,r said the solemn man.
81 should SMILE" said the dog.
"What 'ud you take for him
now ?" said the man with squirt.
"Wouldn't sell him." said the
solemn man.
"You'd better not, said the dog.
The man with the squint was
much impressed. He began max
ing wild offers, and when he
reached a thousand dollars the
solemn man relented.
"Well, said he, II can't refuse
that I hate to part with him, but
you can have him."
'He'll be sorry for it." said the
dog.
The man with the squint drew a
check for the amount which he
gave to the solemn man. The lat
ter was about leaving when the
dog cried again.
"Never Mindful get even.
I'll never speak again.
He never did.
The gentleman with the squint
was proprietor of dime and freak
museum on Market street.
The solemn was a ventriloquial
crook.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09
philadelphia.

Area, LA Square Miles,
Paved Streets, 1921 Miles,
Unpaved Streets, 1864 Miles.
Sewers, 493 Miles.
Gas Mains, S24 Miles.
Gas Lamps, 1920 Miles.
Water Pipes, 91S Miles.
City Railways, 327 Miles.
Population, $4,000.
building Associations, $40.
Capital, 5S,000,000.
Dwelling Houses, $4,000.
Owned by Occupants, $4,000
Bath Rooms, 1900.
Water Rents, 1,346,000.
Daily Consumption, 61,000,000
gal.
Charitable Buildings
and Hospitals, 142.
Places of Worship, I'll.
Estimated accommodation, $780,
900.
Public Schools, 400.
Valuation, 100000.
Pupils Educated Yearly, 142,-
900.
Banking Capital National
Banks, 100000.
Number Of Factories, 16,422
Number of Steam Golfers, ,719.
Estimated Horsepower, 1877
600.
Capital Employed, 400,000,000.
Material Used, 100000,
Hands Employed, 100000.
Wages Paid, 165,000,000.
Value of Manufactures, $685.
OOO,OO
Exports, II, $4,000.
Imports, 100000.
Real Estate Valuation, 800, 00O,-
900.
Debt Of City, Al, 900, 900.
Assets to show for it, 100000.
Butter Receipts, "a, 1913, 900. lbs.
Butter Exports, 5,272, 900 lbs.
Cheese RECEIPTS, 721, 900 boxes.
Cheese Exports, 10000 boxes.
Egg Receipts, 634,0OO pack
ages.
Poultry, Live Receipts, $4,000
packages.
Poultry, Dressed Receipts,
23,20Opackages.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09
Important.

When you visit or leave New York
City, save baggage expressagc ard car
riage hire and stop at the Grand Union
Hotel, opposite Grand Central Depot. hi.
egant rooms fitted MP AZ cost a one
million dollars. reduced TO 81 and up
wards per day. European plan. Eleva-
tor Restaurant supplisd With the best
Horse cars, stages anG elevated railroad
to al depois Families can live for less
money at the Grand Hotel than al any
other frsi-class hotel in the city.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09


Going Through u Tunnel.
On one Of the seats in a rail
way train was a married lady with
little daughter; opposite, facing
them was another child, a son,
and colored lady with a baby.
Tie mother of these children was
beautiful matron with sparkling
eyes exuberant health and viva
cious spirits. Near her sat a
young lieutenant, dressed to kill,
and seeking a victim. He scraped
up an acquaintance with the moth
er by attentions to the children.
It was not long before he essayed
to make himself very agreeable to
her, and by the time the sun be-
gan to decline one would have
thought they were old familiar
friends. The lieutenant thought
he had made an impression--his
election manifested it. The lady,
dreaming of no wrong, suspecting
no evil, was APPARENTLY pleased with
her casual acquaintance. By-and-
by the train approached tunnel.
The lieutenant leaned over and
whispered something in the lady's
ear. 1t was noticed that she APP
peared as thunderstruck, and her
eyes Immediately flashed with in
dignation. A moment more and
a smile lighted up her features.
What changes that smile ? 1t was
unperceived by the lieutenant
She made him reply which re-
joiced him apparently very much.
For the understandingproperly
of this narrative, we must tell the
reader what was whispered, and
what was the reply.
~ mean to kiss you when we
get into the tunnel" whispered the
lieutenant.
cit will be dark-who will see
it 2" replied the lady.
In earth's bowels-into the tun
mel ran the train. Lady and col
ored nurse quickly change seats;
gay lieutenant throws his arms
around the lady sable; pressed her
cheek to his and fast and furiously
rained kisses on her lips. In a few
moments the train came out into
broad daylight. White lady look
ed amazed; colored lady bashful,
blushing; gay lieutenant befogged.
"Janelv said the white lady,
"what have you been doing J"
"Nothing ~ responded the col
ored lady.
"Yes you have" said the white
lady; not in an undertone but in a
voice that attracted the attention
of all in the carriage. "See how
your collar is rumpled and bonnet
smashed J"
Jane, poor colored beauty, hung
her head q moment the observed
of all observers, and then turning
round to the lieutenant replied,
"This man kissed me in the tun-
mel y
Loud and long was the laugh
that followed by the passengers.
The white lady enjoyed the joke
amazingly.
Lieutenant looked like sheep
killing dog, left the carriage at the
next station and was seen no more.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09

Fast Mail runs daily from HagerstowE
10 Harrisburg. and Southern Mail from
Harrisburg to Hagerstowu.
J. r. BOYD, Snperip'eacsr.
ii. B. GERnARDT, Agent
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-08-09

ers.-Whale-bone is not bone,
and is said not to possess a single
property of bone.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23
Maryland, Ny Maryland"

ro,.,' Pretty wives aud
"My farm lies in rather low and MAS
matte situation, and
"My wifem
"Who"
was q very pretty bonded
Twenty years ago, became
"SalIow ~
"llollow-eyed"
"Wlthered and aged!"
Before here time, from
"Malarial vapors, though she made no
particular complaint, not being of the
grumpy kind, yet caused me great uneasi-
ness.
"a short time ago | purchased your
remedy for the children, who had very Sc
we're attack Of biliousness, and 1t occurred
to me that the remedy might help my
wife, as found that our little girl upon re-
covery had
"Lostn
"Her sallowness, and looked as fresh as
new blown daisy. Well the story is soon
told. My wife to-day has gained her old.
time beauty with compound interest, and
is now as handsome matren Gf | do say
it myself as can be found in this county,
which is noted for pretty women. And |
have only Hop Bitters to thank fer it.
"The dear creature just looked over my
shoulder and says, II can hatter equal to
the days OF our courtshIp, ard that re-
minds me there might be more pretty
wives if my brother farmers would do as I
have DONE
Hoping you may long be spared to dc
good, | thankfully remain,
Most truly yours,
G. L. JAMES,
BELTsvILLE, Prince George Co., Nd
Nav 26th, 1888.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23

A rivuet bearing along impurities de-
posts them in the little eddies and where
ever the current is impeded or broken.
The blood, bearing poisonous acids, de-
posits them wherever the circulation is
difficult and broken--as around the joins
You can molIify the pain that ensues by
ontments; but you cannot cure rheumatism
till you expel the poison from the blood
and system-remove the cause. This is
the mission of Athlophoros. Mrs. s. A.
Pease, of Nevada, Ohio, writes MY friend
suffered indescribably from rheumatism for
four months. Had it been the Lords will
she would gladly have died. 1t is remark
able what two bottles Of Athlophoros has
done for her. She seems like herself
again."
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23
Cheap Homes
ARKANSAS AND TEXAS.

Along the lire of the st. Louis, Iron
Mountain and Southern Railway, Texas and
Pacific Railway and International and
Great Northern Railroad, are thousands of
acres of the choicest farming and grazing
lands in the world, ranging in price from
$500 to $500 and $500 per acre, in a
healthy country, with climate unsurpassed
for salubrity and comfort. Send your ad-
dress to the undersigned for copy of sta.
tstlcs OF crops raised in Arkansas and Texas,
in 1889, and make up your mind to 90 and
see for yourself when you learn that the crop
for 1888 is so per cent larger than that of
1882. To those purchasing land owned by
the Company, and paying one.fourth, ono
half, or all cash, a proportionate rebate is
allowed for money paid for tickets or freight
over the Companies lines.
II. @. TOWNSEND, Gen'l Pass. Agt.
st. Louis, Mo.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23

ing the fire and causing an instantaneous
formation OF steam, which forced the fur
mace door open, throwing the fireman back
and covering him with hot ashes and Goals
which burned him seriously. The engine
stopped in the middle of the pond and could
not be made to 60 further. Capt Williams
procured the tug Maud Lilley to pull the
engine TO dry land, but the tug hadn't
power enough. and the job was abandoned
for the time being. The passengers were
transferred by the tug, and the engine will
probably be gotten out again to-day or to-
morrow. We can not help admiring the
determination of Capt. Williams and COM
pany to prevail over old Jupiter Pluvius,
and we sincerely Condoe with them in
their defeat. 1t is to be hoped, however,
that the indomitable Captain will not con
tiDue his struggle, against fate-will grace
fully submit to the inevitable, for with
this experience staring us in the face, we
are satisfied, if he and his company are
not, that railroad engine can't swim
worth copper, snd that the only way to
run railroad through a slough is to ele-
vate the thing-elevate the tracks above
high water mark.
When Howard wrote IL find a pity
hangs upon his breast the fellow had
evidently cold and had not yet been in
formed that DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup was
the only safe remedy.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23

Can any one bring US case of Kidney
or Liver complaint that Electric Bitters
will not speedily cure' We say they can
not, as thousands of cases already perma-
rently cured and who are daily recommend
ing Electric BItters, will prove. Bright's
disease diabetes, weak back, or any urinary
complaint quickly cured. They purify the
blood, regulate the bowels, and act direct
ly on the diseased parts. Every bottle guar
anteed. For sale at SOC. bottle by Barclay
Bros. Cd
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23
Something for all the Preachers.

Rev II. II. Fairall, D. D. editor of the
Iowa Methodist, says edtorially, in the No
vember (1SS3) number of his paper: We
have tested the merits Of Ely's Cream Balm,
and believe that, by thorough course of
treatment, it will cure almost every case of
catarrh Ministers, as class, are afflicted
with head and throat troubles, and caarrh
seems more prevalent than ever. We can
not recommend Ely's Cream Balm too high
ly." Not liquid nor snuff. Applied to
nostrils with the finger.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23
A Lawyers Opinion of Interest to all

}. A. Tawney, Esq, leading attorney
of Winona, Mimi, writes: "After using it
for more than three years, l take great
pleasure in sating that regard DR.. Kings
New Discovery for consumption, as the
best remedy in the world for coughs and
colds. 1t has never failed to cure the most
severe colds have had, and invariably re-
leves the pain IN the chest"
Trial bottles of this sure cure for all
throat and lung diseases may be bad free
at Barclay Bros drug store. Large size,
800 1)
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23
kncklpnlS Arulca Nalge

The Best Salve IN the world for Cuts,
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fever
Sores, letter, Chapped Hands, Chllblains,
Corns, and all Skin Eruptions, and positively
cures Piles. 1t ID guaranteed to give per-
feet satisfaction, or money refunded. Price
% cents per box. For sale by Barclay
BrDtbcrS
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23

Carter's Little Liver Pills will positively
cure sick headache and prevent its return.
This is not talk, but truth. One pill dose.
To be had of all druggists. See advertise
ment.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23
Ar Only Daughter Cured of COnsump-
ton.

when death was hourly expected, all remedies
having failed, Dr. III James was exnerimentinS
with the many herbs Of Calcutta, he accidentaily
made preparation which cured his only child Of
consumption, His child Is now In this country.
and enjoying the best of health He has moved ~
the world that Consumption can be positiyelv ana
permanently cured The doctor now gives this re.
celpt Tree only asking two 2-cent stamps to nay
expenses. ms Herb also cures Night Sweats,
Nausea at the Stomach, and will break nm n fresh
cold In twenty-fonr hours. Address CRADDOCK
this paper.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-23
Thirteen Years DYSPEPSIA.

81 suffered with dyspepsia for 10 years"
writes John Albright Esq, ct Columbus,
OHIO. Samaritan Nervine cured me-" As
it always cures such disorders. At drug
riSts