Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-08-17

Burdette Gives His Experience with the
Photograph Album.

photograph Album.
Oh, yes. l said, always enjoy looking
at photographs. Photographs and auto
graphs just dote on. 1 had myself a
large collection of the autographs of emil
nent tradesmen, mostly local, to which 1
was daily adding, paydaily, that was.
She was a serious sort of woman,
Mrs. Squaretop, and never smiled at my
feeble joke as she handed me the album
to look over until her husband came in
from the field. 1 had just engaged sum-
mer board.
am a man accustomed to family pho
tograph albums. You can't fool me on
them. l have set up with them from Hall
fax to Denver, and | know them by name
and sight. Pa and ma and that's grand
pa and that's grandma, and here's uncle
George, and this is an aunt of pas, she's
very wealthy and has no children, and pa
is her faYorite nephew; and this is young
lady l went to school with, and this is her
brother Henry, and this is cousin Sue, and
this is aunt Hattie's baby, and this is
a young man Henry went to school with,
and-dO you know who this is? All, you,
now | won't listen to another word. 1t
amt a bit like me, anyhow; it's horrid,
and this is pas clerk, and this is-te.~he,
he-a young man-nO, Won't tell you his
name; he lives in kickapOo, and this-oh,
my son, you eau stand me on photograph
albums. know just where the family ends
and the strangers file in.
So praised eVerybOdy's ugly, fiat, eX-
pressiOnless, staring, stupid mug in Mrs.
SquaretOp's album, and hit everything all
right on the first and second quarter and
was coming along splendidly, and drew
up on the strangers just in sight of the
distance pole, and | usually feel a little
tired then and rest myself ON the
strangers.
''An who,7 [ said, airily, sis the placid
old female who had her face ironed out
while it was hot?"
''That was Mr.. Squaretop's mother"
Mrs. SquaretOp said, half smiling, and l
felt elated. Evidently the old lady was not
so placid as she looked.
'kAnd old before taking,'" said; ''this
fOrlorn old ghost just disappearing into
his shady collar?'
That was Mrs. Squaretop's great uncle,
a grand old man, one of the signers of the
Declaration of Independence. That is,
he would have signed it, she exclaimed,
only the soliciting committee got all the
signatures they wanted just before they
got to hiIsa. L had struck a snag, but not
a bad one. The uncle was out of place
ANYHOW. He ought to be run down. /
laughed and said:
''This old boy who had just been blown
up in a powder mill-did his friends
know that he contemplated this photo
graphp'
That was her fathers cousin, who was
very dear to her. 1t has always been con-
sidered by good judges an excellent pic
ture. She SAID it again, and left out the
good and placed the emphasis on plain,
unadorned judges. Somehow wished she
wouldn't.
next found ''pirate stricken with re-
MORSE" which proved to be her half
brother, whom she loved more dearly than
any Of her own brothers, and then l tried
to even up by praising the angelic face on
the opposite page. Ali there was a face
for a man to love; there was coun-
tenance to shine in a mans home and his
heart like sunshine-ah-hi
TWAS Mr.. SquaretOp's first wife.
Then l went at it again and tried to
check the falling thermometer by saying
that the imbecile with the curly hair
would look less like an ass if he simply
had his hat photographed, as that was
evidently what he had borrowed that silk
tile for, but as the imbecile was Mrs.
SquaretOp's dearest cousin it was a fail
ure, and | settled down for final effort
on ''the squad with the snub nOse," and
wondered il he had as many brains as he
had buttons and freckles, adding that it
was marvellous how awfully black red
hair always took in photograph. 1t was
Mrs. Squaretop's eldest son, now at West
Point, and l was greatly relieved by the
OppOrtune entrance of Mr.. Squaretop, ST.,
at that moment. He bowed, aid l waited
for an introduction. l got it.
''This was Mr.-ah-," she said.
"Featherly,7 l said, bowling.
'Leatherhead," she accepted, sweetly;
she came to look at two rooms in the
south wing, but think they will hardly
suit him. They are scarcely airy
enough"
didn't want them to think l was rum
ming away or was frightened, and so 1
down the road after 1 said good !
bye with slow motions, but taking awful |
strides. So l wasn't 500 yards down the
road before Mr.. SqUaretop emerged over
the orchard fence, calling on me to stop a
He might as well have asked me to |
stop a whole week. A man clad in the habil- |
iments of a plow boy is not arraped for a |
foot race, and before l was quite across |
the country line he had given up the |
chase.
/ still retained unimpaired my excel |
lent voice for photograph albums, but l |
have no patience with people who scatter |
their relatives all the way through them. |
What shall it profit visitor if he wade |
safely and gracefully through twenty |
pages and then founder in 100 fathoms on /
l first cousin or an only sOnl