Connecticut western news., 1884-11-05
WIT AND WISDOM.

WTH the drunkard life ia reel
 CELEsT1AL tail-boarcr Comets.
 A LAST resort-Tho cobblor's shop.
 A SOUND rcason--a fog.horn conolu. sion.
 AN open question--who win shut the door2
 FuNHRAL music should always be re- hearsed.
 Tm song of tho mill is always hop perfume
 TIE ''palmy" days evidently refer 10 childhood.
 AN advertisement in the papor ia worth two on the fence.
 "LuumER" ia the namo of Kansas paper. Who dares mako light of itH
 THK new reading is ''bride and coaoh- man, " instead of "bride and groom"
 CAs any connection be shown betweoa the day rate of gold and the nitrate of silver2
 "I SEND you my gas bill, was what the stump orator said 70 tho election committed.
 "How SHALL ) sfccpf" asks oorre- spondent Try to utay awake to catch some train.
 WOMEN love tS bs ioved. The only noticeable thing about this fact ia that men encourage them in it
 IF, in proportion 10 1iEe, . man could holler as loud as baby there would be no telephone needed in this country.
 IrIs easy enough to advise a man to lay in his winters coal, but no one wants to lend him the money to buy it
 wE want all theoriginAl poetry about autumn leaves and things that can be sent us. Gold weather is coming on, and kindling wood ia high.
 IN the play, "A wooden spoon," young man makes love to four beautiful young lady actresses. Under those cir- cumstances, who wouldn't spoonp
 LAW books are now used iu court rooms simply as ornaments. The sno- cessful lawyer abuses the witnesses, cries before the jury, and his case is won.
 THE art of never forgetting is taught by London professor. How nioa thin must be for those young mon who never can remember to repay borrowed money.
 Tm St Paul Day says that since Bit ting Bull has cleared S30, 900 out of his Eastern exhibitions, "he has doubtless learned that it is better to bleed tho white man than to kill him"
 I'm Boston Post has sound travel al tho rate of LAO feet per second, but out this way we have seen a hired man 8. 900 feet away quit work before tho horn waa raised to tho farmers Iipa
 ION what grounds do you leavc mo without the customary weeks notice r" indignantly asked boarding house mis- tress of . leaving boarder. "Coffeo grounds, mum; coffee grounds he tartly replied.
 ONE of the wee ones who had often in- spected with interest the operation of turning on and lighting the gas, was taken out to ride on m autumn day, and ahiyering in the cold wind, asked :: "Papa, why don't Dod turn on more sun 2"
 A WOODEN Indian, stationed in front of Wilmington cigar store, killed a man the other day. As usual with In- dian outrages, the white man was drunk and assaulted the Indian frst, who promptly fell on him and fractured his skull.
 Ar recent Sunday-school meeting la Chicago, long -winded clergyman con- sumed too much of the time with wordy address. When ke sat down the leader of the meeting unwittingly an nounoed the hymn beginning, Halle lujah 'tis done !"
 souSp travels l, 1,142 feet per second. and yet, when a man rushes out of side street and yells after car that has just passed, the sound never seems to oyertake the car and disturb the day dream of the conductor until the other end of the block is reached.
 ''MY dear Mrs. K-," exclaimed a lady visitor, "how have you managed to preserve your strength 80 perfectly at your time of hfep" ''By huabandinR it, " replied Mrs. K--, pointing through the open door to male figure laborioua- ly engaged in washing dishes.
 "HAvE you given electricity trial for your complaint, MrS. Flskerf" asked friend, as she took tee with the old lady. "Electricity ?" said she. "well, yes, reckon I has. I waa struck hy lightning last summer and hove out of the window; but it didnt seem to do me no sort of good"
 A VERY interesting and exciting game may be played as follows Any number of persons sit down at a table, and choose at random chestnut from cup. Then open the chestnuta at tho same time, and the man who docs not find a worm wins. If every nut contains a worm, the trial may be rcpeased until one good one is found.