Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-06-16

press him to drink. In this country civ
ilization has so far advanced that wink
generally suffices.
We have not yet heard of working
| journalist losing million dollars in the
Wall street crash. There is something
singular about this.
1t was the late Bishop of Litchfield
who, when he was abruptly asked the way
to heaven, replied: "Turn to the right
and go straight forward
''I am a martyr!'' he exclaimed. GLOW
so?n was the enquiry. ~ suffer at the
steak! he cried. He was staying at a
cheap boarding-house.
"I would die for you," she exclaimed
pillowing her head upon his shoulder.
"Oh, no, you needn't, darling" was the
quick reply, like red hair
''When 1 die," said Mrs. Fishwacher,
81 want to be buried in good, old-fash-
ioned style, and not burned to ashes in
one of these creameries you hear Of"
We never see a beautiful woman that
we do not reflect that in few years more
she will look as her mother does now.
1t has kept us from making fools of our
selves many a time.
"Do you think I would make very at
tractive angela" said dude with very
large ears to a young lady. 'sWell, no, y
she replied pointing to his immense ears,
81 think your wings are little too high
up"
The season for showing off q young
mans ears has arrived, The young man
buys little dollar straw hat and sets il
on the top of his head after having had
his hair cut short. The ears stand out in
bold relief
''What is more awful to contemplate,
said the lecturer, glaring about him, ''thar
the relentless power of the maelstrom?'
And a hen-pecked looking man in the real
of the room softly replied: 'sThe female
strom.'
merchant who died suddenly no
long ago left on his desk letter he haC
intended mailing to correspondent. Al
Irish clerk finding it sent it off after add
ing the postscript, ''since writing tn,
above l have died.
"What is wink?n asked the teacher
SIT is the thing you season your sod;
water WITH replied the new boy wht
was as smart as he was annoying Blu
the teacher marked him away down an(
pretended not to understand him.
A prisoner in New York state peniten
tiary, under sentence for bigamy, mad'
his escape the other day by burrowins
under the wall. The next day he cam,
back and asked to have his sentence pro
longed. He had been home.
One Of the most beautiful instances O
how civilization has refined and elevated
the taste of man, is the fact that while
SCI has been contributed in less thar
three months to the Bartholdi Fund, onl,
$47, 900 went to support the walking
match.
A backWoo1sman promised to send th
minister fifty pounds of maple sugar TO
marrying him. Time passed on, and M
sugar arrived to sweeten the minister
household. Some months later he say
the newly married husband in town an,
ventured to remind him. my friend yol
did not send the maple sugar you prom
ised. With saddened countenance tn
man looked up and replied. ssTo tell yo
the truth she amt worth it.
A young wife who thought she wa
losing her husbands affection went to
seventh daughter for a love powder Th
mysterious woman told her ssGet IA,
piece of beef, cut fat, about half an inc
thick. Slice an onion in two and rub th
meat on both sides with it. Put on pei
per and salt, and toast il on each sid
over red coal fire. Drop on it thre
Jumps of butter and two sprigs of parsel
and get him to eat it." The young vii
did SO, and her husband loved her eve
after
Old Uncle Plowgit and wife were hol,
ing sort of love-feast the other nigh
recounting old times. As the worth
couple slowly prepared to retire the
went over the days gone by in a high
entertaining manner. ssDo you know
Riah, I feel just as young as / ever did
said Uncle Plowgit, exhuberantly. $50
O /, Enoch," spryly responded Aunt Ria
Then a thought suddenly occurred
Uncle Plowgit, and wheeling on his he
he cried out: s'Last in bed blows out Il
light!' and made Il plunge for the 81,
:. of the couch His wife, though taken !
surprise, was nothing behind him
?. sprightiliness, and their aged heads N
about the middle of the bed with a stal
x ling thnmp. Aunt 'Riah doubled up 1,
I, the floor, and old Uncle Plowgit, rubin
r the top of his head, nluttered, ssWh
1.x,.. 1>l<1 p. L. -,