Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-08-06
PLEASANTRIES.

dried apples. They are so lawfully
SWELL" you know. That is, the dried
apples are.
IT is said the whistling man is one
who does little thinking. Buthe makes
others think. And, oh! what fearful
thoughts they think Boston Tran
script.
No, Adela, book-agents have not what
is known as second wind. Prize-ight-
ers have, but book-agents have not.
They do not need it. They never lost
their first Wind Puck.
A NATIVE Indianian who, being asked
in court how many potatoes he raised
that season on certain tract OF land,
replied: 81 raised heap, for ] sold a
pile and had right smart left"
SMALL brother-"Why don't you get
to goin' with Mabel Carson, Fred"
Big brother-"W hy, Charlie2 Do you
think she's prettyP' S. B.-"Naw; but
her brothers got boss bicycle
PRISON INSPECTOR What is that bank
cashier in for? Wardrobe you mean
this cove in No. 973? Inspector-Yes.
Warden-He is not 8 cashier. He is a
bank burglar. Inspector-Well. /
thought from his looks he. had some
thing to do with banks Philadelphia
Call.
WAITER what will you have,
Miss?" Customer looking over the rest
aurant bill of fare Permit me to
cogitate. In the correlation of forces
it is recognized property of atomic
-" Waiter (shouts across the hall to
head server) -"Baked beans for one" p
philadelphia Call.
A NEWS item says: "rThe latest de-
mand among eccentic fashionables is for
artificial eyes to beworn as covers over
their own, changing the color at will"
A greater need among eccentric fash
ionables is an artificial nose to be worn
over their own, thus enabling the wearer
to change the color at will Norris
town Herald.
"I AM choost as full ash bag of
-four" remarked an inebriate to sober
friend. There is difference between
you and sack of -four, however"
"What ish diference?" when a
sack is full it can stand up, but when
you are full you can't even lie down on
the ground without holding on
Texas Siftings.
Miss SINNERS and Miss Littlebud
were discussing handsome and popu-
lar physician recently. 81 like him ev-
er so much" said Miss SINNERS. ooh,
SO do l." replied Miss Littlebud, "but
he gives me such awful medicine"
ooh, don't mean his physic," Uttered
Miss SINNERS, 81 mean his physique"
Then they giggled in chorus.
"PLEAsE, sir, give me something to
eat" asked the tramp. 81 am starving,
and have not had anything to eat for
five days" No, sir" replied the citizen.
"Dr. Tanner went for forty days.
You've got good starter. Keep it up;
beat the record and attain national
reputation" and he shut the door,
TPittsburg Chronicle. Telegraph.
"PAPA, why did Washington cut
down the cherry-tree?" asked six-year-
old son. Il will answer your question
by asking you one. Why did you
break that pane of glass this morning?"
"Er--er, because er--er-"
"Well, my sou, that's just the reason
George gave his father New York
Morning Journal.
AN exchange thinks ''the time may
come when the thunderstorm may be
called up by artificial means" Come?
Why, bless you, it is here. The only
artificial means necessary is to get up
Sunday-school picnic. There may be
an occasional failure, but it is about as
reliable as anything on this ever-chang-
ing globe-save death and taxes Nor
ristown Herald.
A SPRINGFIELD gentleman made his
way into the bed-chamber of one of his
friends and found him fast asleep with
a pair of spectacles on his nose.
WHAT" cried he, awakening him, "do
you wear your spectacles while you
sleep?" ooh replied the other, 81
am so near-sighted that without my
glasses I could see nothing whatever in
my dreams.
SCOOP morning, Blifkins; how are
the good Mrs. B. and the little Bs?"
First-rate, Jenkins. I have just re-
ceived a letter from my wife, who is at
Old Orchard with the children, saying,
AT last we are at the sea-shore and we
are perfectly at home. $50 are my
family" "What, staying at the sea-
shoreP "No, staying at home. !" --Bos-
ton Courier.
AN Atlantic City paper says the great
est sight of the seaside is the board
walk in the evening. The board walk
is a new name for skipping out and
neglecting to see the landlady. The
evening is poor time for board walk
ing. It generally occurs later in the
night, when the landlady is sweetly
dreaming of the new brown-stone front
she will buy with her summer profits
brooklyn Times.
GEN. SHERMAN is said to be waiting
with breathless anxiety the result of a
Lynn, Mass, lawsuit. A woman has
sued a wealthy resident of that city for
damages resulting from an insult,
which consisted in politely asking her
for kiss. If she gets Judgment, the
general viii Immediately put all his
property in his wife's hands and light