Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-12-12

1t is much better to give than to re
ceive, remarked the father of nine daugh-
tiers, as he got rid Of the first one by mar
riage.
The Niccroy Of India has struck for
higher wages. We don't blame him. It
must be an awful strain on the nerves to
live in Il country where man can't tell
whether the snakes in his boots are real
or imaginary
Young lady, who wants to be an actress
"What roles do you think would do best
in, papa?'
Papa, who has some practical ideas
Breakfast rolls, my dear
Not to be counted upon-the fingers.
IIugging for charity is like taking bit
terS for the stomach IS sake.
a Chicago woman threw piece Of
mince meat at her husband and killed him.
This is the most rapid case of dyspepsia
we ever heard of.
In Montana towns newspaper, II shave
and Il glass of whiskcy all cost the same
price. That's why the inhabitants all go
unshavon and let editors starve.
A we'll known organist recently slipped
Off his bench while playing Bach fugue.
Organ playing is first-rate exercise, but
sometimes it gets to be a little too vo-
lent
Artemus Ward was good Republican,
and his view of the situation is, we think
nearly correct. ~ never argy against sue
cess he remarks. when | see rattle
snaiX head sticking out of a hole bear off
to the left and says to myself, that hole
belongs to that snaiX' If the Dlmercrats
has won, why seq nothing and cut bait "
The London papers advertise what they
call trousers stretchcrs." We are glad
to know that the dude has at last come
to be of some value in life.
Chicago registered thirty-one marriages
to one divorce, in Il single day recently.
Gloomy prophecies Of business depression
and hard times don't seem to scare the
Chicago boys bit.
Blobson and Popinjay were. talking
about the permanence OF human innu
ence. 81 do not expect to be long remem
bered after DEATH remarked Popinjay
"but | have left one mark in the worlC
which will endure for ages"
what is that ~ asked Blobson.
rock of the great natural bridge in Nir
ginia,"
"Poohl' remarked Blobson. Il hav,
left u mark which will endure for cen
turtles after that rock has crumbled ant
decayed. l scratched my initials with my
thumb nail on a restaurant pie, yester
day
The present weather tells the farme
who has steers to shed, to shed them now
-SOmerrille journal.
do you know what the board over tina
cows face is for asked the Colonel
NO" responded the Major unless it i
to keep her bushes from being seen whel
the mlkman works the pump-handle.-
Boston Post.
Tell me, now" asked Thoughtful
what do you think is the worst featur
Of our American election system - "Of
that's an easy one" replied Tritler 9TH
worst feature is the mouth of the irrepre>
sible stump speaker, "-BoSfon TrdH'
/ cript.
The wife of Il Connecticut minister Ia
eloped with Il man named Terra, Terr
Gotta among the nutmegs.-LUWdu Ct
izCn.
The true use of porous plaster, accOrC
ing to a milwaukee, druggist, is ito retail
the back III its proper place and let tn
pain crawl out through the holes.-HOt'
Gdzettc
An eminent physician declares that 9TH
practice of shaving shOrtenS the span
human life by several years The doctC
is in error. 1t isn't the shaving it is ii
barber.-.SGW Francisco Newsletter.
What the difference between stoc
exchange and Il bucket shop - ii e.
,l,i,, IL ha Fol -ir,.,
says, I've made money on the stock e
change : when he loses, he remarks, Nv
| been robbed in IL bucket shop That 5 II
difference !'-FrcHch Paper
( 1t is said that Patti has been in opel
} twenty-five years. We know, howeve
q that she has sung forte.-PhUdddp
can.
=, Miss Rosewood, who took part in am
teur theatricals-"Oh, I'm SO tired HI
: to stand all the evening Miss Shar
| who was in the My dear, yo
T. have not had to stand nearly so much
we have. '-ErhuHGC.
Carlyle says laughter is sympathy.'
; this is so, the fellow who straddles pal
;. fully across the skating rink floor, III
Y then sits down so suddenly that he telt
copes his spine up into the back Of /
head, gets all the sympathy the occasi'
! calls fOr.-LOWcU citizen.
u speaking about the tarlft reform, q
/ Mr. Greene pins his faith on Congrcssmi
e Sums for Slums, says Greene, "knoN
all about it. Why, bless you, he spent I
his early life in the reform school. '-B'
: tom Transcript
\ Chinamun recently ran away will
J. Chicago mans wife. 1t is such blessin
. as these that make the Chicagoans part
to pigtails-N. Y. MOrHiH9 J0nIW0,
:, Judging from the last product of |
pen, Lord Tennyson will soon be able
write poetry equal to anything that W
= ever written by Walt Whitman or I
! Sweet Singer of michigan. boston ira
" cript
! 4 clock made of hardened bread is [
hibited in Milan. We hasten to suggt
$ that this offers a better mode of DISPOSE
of boarding house bread than making
> into bread pudding. a bread clock is
least worth something to look at.-Bost
; tOuricr.
What is the difference between the m
who is "transfXed with horror" anC
leopards tail Answer: One is root
x to the spot and the other is spotted To I
10 root (P. S.-If the leopard'S tail is /
: spotted to the root. this conundrum is {