National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1884-02-09

She had long known him by reputation as
tho most expert ofhand liar in the CITY,
Bismdrck Tribune.
After q physician had tried in vain to dis
lodge two false teeth which Pottsvile
woman insisted had lodged in her throat, she
found the teeth in drawer, where she had
put them.
"lf IL be true that tho hairs of ones head
are all numbered" said the man, after he had
escaped from his wife's clutches, there will
be one angel at least who will show up with
a big deficit"
"Well. may hope then, dearest, that at
some time may have the happiness of max
ing you my wifop Eyes, / hope so, ] am
sure" she replied, III am getting tired of
suing fellows for breach Of PROMISE"
Queen Victoria's new book will be illus
trsted from drawings by herself and her
daughter Beatrice. IL is believed that Daniel
will be easily distinguished from the British
lion by the green cotton umbrella under his
| arm. ..
The new mother was bitterly lsmenting
that hor first born was cross-eyed, and the
| father, after looking at the babe for q second,
said encouragingly Never mind, Martha.
| II hos cruss.oycd he'll never DO masher
| There's some consolation in that"
| "Yos," said the society young man, "I
/
such brilliant conversationalist! / talked
with her for upward Of ton minutes tho other
| evening, and We didn't refer to the weather
but just once during the whole time"
"Our girls may have large feet" exclaimed
| q st. Louis belle, while converting with q
| Chicago damscl, but we are not Obliged to
| turn our toes In when sitting for n photo
| graph, in order that they may appear in the
picture" Chicago hasn't filed her reply yet.
Perhaps the reason the young ladies do not
take advantage Of their leap-yoar preroga-
| tive Is that tho business outlook is not very
encouraging. or course. tho dear creatures
hesitate to add their support to the expenses
| of a man with an already restricted income.
But to hesitate is 20 lose.
A Philadelphia girl gave half suppressed
yawn the other day while kissing her beau,
and nothing saved him from falling In but
his broad shoulders. If tho yawn had not
been suppressed in time tho fate Of the young
man would have been narrowing in the ex-
treme.-Drake's Travellers Magazine.
"why is it," asked q lady, "that gentlemen
mo, men-persist in wearing their overcoats
| to their seats in theaters and thon taking
them off, TO the immense discomfort Of ~
least four people, those on each side and
those before and behind them 2" Talk Of large
hats2 They are bubbles of vanity beside the
nuisance of o man with an overcoat.
An intimate friend of Miss Ella Wheeler
the poetess, now in New Orleans, says thai
young lady is to be married in carly spring
to Mr.. Yorke, of New York city. Mis-
earned and paid Tor q lovely little home il
which she resides with her mother and {
younger sister whom she has educated.
Able Chubert has been fined $50 in Mon,
treal for kissing Mrs. Bezeau, his landlady
while she was in bed. 1t was not the priestl,
kiss the woman objected to. She could hav'
forgiven that little indiscretion. but that tn
father should have seen her in bed with
horrid nightcap on was an offense she coulc
not condone.-NoriStolCn Herald.
1t is recorded of rich old farmer that il
giving instructions for his will, he directed
legacy of 800 to be given to his wife. Beini
informed that some distinction was usual,
made in case the widow married again, h
dou bled the sum- and when told that this wa
quite contrary to custom, he said, with heart
felt sympathy for his possible successor
"Aye, but him as gets herll desarye it,"
She had letter to write, but it was such
bother. 1t lay on her mind for days. TIL
trouble was not so much in writing the lette
as in getting together the things. There wa
but one sheet of note paper, not over clean
no envelopes of the proper size, and just
single 1-cent postage stamp. These are tn
hard things about epistolary correspondence
to write it with. Her pen was lost, and whe
she found it it was crusted with red ink an
spattered. The pkstand was all but dry toe
: aud the bottom full of ink mud.
"oose sweet pwecious is oo?"
'Tse GORE sweet pwecious."
GOOSE hungry little bit?"
'Tse could nibble itsy bitsy."
"O'ose sail have lunchy, pwecious."
'Itsy bity chick wing, sweetsy."
"Tiddy iddy darP, have q cookey"
mo, ownest-own-a pickule."
They were not idiots on their way to re
treat for the feeble minded, or lunatics goin
to an asylum. They were married lover.
had been married nearly two hours, and wer
taking their first lunch on the cars. And tn
rest of the passengers did not rise up an
slqy them either, which shows the degen
eracy into which as people we are falling.