McCook weekly tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 188?-1886, 1884-08-07
ALL SORTS
A BANG is considered loud.

A BANG is considered loud.
EVERY man thinks his club is trump.
On a windy day everything looks
blew.
THE rows that all are praising are
Hanlan's.. q
ALWAYS in order-o. Not always in
order-owe.
IT don't take very fast horse to catch
the epizootic.
MINNESOTA venison is plenty in the
New York market.
Ice and coal seem to "teeter." When
one goes up the other goes down.
THE color line gives them trouble in
Ireland. The orange and green.
CEREMONIES differ in every country,
but true politeness is ever the same.
Two sIaHTLEss lovers have been mar
ried in Cincinnati. They went it blind.
AKENTUcKY hamlet is spoken of as
the horse-swappingest village In the
State.
MISTRESS MARY, quite contrary,
What does the baby gay?
"In the sweetest tongue ever spoken or sung,
nc says uc Will uhNc LIE Wnys
No BOOKS $50 legible as the lives of
men; no characters so plain as their
moral conduct.
The thrifty man will always put
something away for a rainy day, even II
it is nothing but a stolen umbrella.
KING KALAKAUA, of the Sandwich
islands, is reported to have expressed an
intention of soon revisiting this cour-
try.
SENATOR BRUCE urges upon the colored
people to do three things-.to practice
economy, to buy land, and to educate
their children.
TEXAS, which commenced raising wool
in 1842, has now A, 900, 900 sheep, and it
is estimated that Montana will produce
80, 900, 900 pounds of wool in 1880.
JERUSALEM is to have gas, street carr,
passenger elevators and telephone ea-
change. Jerusalem somebody ought
to start theater and dollar store.
SOME cigars fisty-two years old, which
have lain most of the time in q garnet,
forgotten, have been brought to light in
Rochester. They were almost tasteless.
QUEEN VICTORIA, with the desire to
specially signalize the marriage of her
first grandson, will, it is rumored, go to
Prince Wilhelm's wedding at Berlin, ON
Feb. 26.
THERE is domestic cat in Hartford,
Ct, which weighs twenty seven ald
half pounds, and its owners assert that
it is the largest animal Of the kind in
the world.
An Ohio girl sued man for breach
of promise, and proved him such mean
scoundrel that the jury decided that she
ought to pay him something for not
marrying her.
Two CAPTAINS quarreled about WON
an and a challenge passed. "What
folly" said the fair one. SIT is not
with iron or steel, but with gold, you
should fight for me-" r
The Vermont housewife who reads
that English mobiles have lots of hares
in their preserves says she tried it in
some blackberry jam and doesn't believe
those foreign stories.
We are progressing as nation toward
refinement. The wheelbarrow is now
called the unicycle. But it is just as
hard to run with big trunk on it al it
was under the old name.
ADEL1NA PATTI hates England. She
says: cit is a country where you can
neither hunt nor sing, nor do anything
you wish, and have but one idea-to
sell my property and get away from it
forever, as quick as I can"
The total aggregate of the debts Of all
the States of the Union at the pres ent
time, as given by the Bureau of Statis-
tics, is $3.50, 732, 0S1 and the total as
sured value of real and personal proper
ty is stated by the same authority to be !
SIG, pa, 5S5, 70s.
The lawyer wanted to badger the wit
ness as he asked: "Have you ever
been convicted of crime?" Of course,
the man was mad at the insinuation-
mighty mad. He Indignantly replied |
"Do you think I'm blamed fool enough
to ever let myself get caught?" He at
once gained the sympathy of the entire
audience.-BOston Post.
The slate-writing manifestation" of |
the Spiritualists has troubled a good
many others beside Mr.. Joseph Cook.
How the writing could be accomplished
when the states were securely tied to-
gether, with pencil between them, was
hard to guess. But Mr.. James Sargent,
of Rochester, has been watching the
seances of DR.. Slade and others, and he
says that whenever the states are SO pro-
tected as to make trickery impossible it |
is found that the conditions are unfa-
He offers reward of 500 |
for an intelligent communication written |
inside the states when they are sealed as
we'll as tied.
Public speakers and singers Piso's Cure for |
hoarseness and weakiungs. |
Watch fbo Gt;l1,nns, H..&