News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-11-20

eyes. My dear was conductor on
the horse car line, and we were going to
aga agss naagssis =. - ssspy spotted
Since y He.ke 49, cS.l-eso Hear peo-
pie say anything about spotted dears. 4"
st. Louis Critic.
TIRED OF SINKING FUNDS.
Last spring several Indiana farmers
took stock in gas company in one of
the towns, and all were present at
meeting at which the active officers were
elected. In outlining the policy of the
company the president made an estimate
of the expenses and income, and sug-
eested that all the surplus for the first
two wears be turned into the sinking
fund.
"Mr. President" said one of the farm.
er stockholders, ''what's the use ofthat !?
I bored for salt and lost 5000. I bored
for lie and lost as much more. took
the contract on that county ditch and
sunk over $500. I've been sinking my
funds until I'm dead broke, and I sug-
gest that any surplus we may have be
used to pay off the debts. y Wall Street
Nea0s.
WE PRINT TT AGAIN.
She was remarkably sensible young
lady who made a request of her friends
that after her decease she should not be
buried by the side of brook, where bab
bling lovers would wake her from her
dreams, nor in any grand cemetery,
where sight-seers, coming over epitaphs,
might distract her, but be laid away to
take her last sleep under the counter of
some merchant who did not advertise in
the newspapers. There, she said, was
to be found peace passing all under
standing, depth of quiet slumber on
which the sound of neither the buoyant
foot of youth nor the weary shuttle of
old age would ever intrude.
| PENsIoNING AN EMPLOYER.
A faithful employee had grown old in
the service of railroad, and at last be-
came too feeble to work.
The President was asked if the COM
pany would not do something for him,
as he was very poor.
Chow long has he been with us ?? the
official inquired.
"Over forty years.
e'Always did his duty ~
'sNeyer missed day."
s'You say he is very old and feeble ?
eyes, the chances are that he VII
never leave his bed again"
"H-m, poor fellow OF course we
must do something for him. I'll give
him life pass.
TERRIBLE ExPECIENOEs.
First Citizen: ''Roush times? Well,
I should say do know something about
rough times"
Second Citizen: "Don't think youl
experience can equal mine"
First Citizen: "You don't, eh ? Well
I went to California in '49, was shot
seventeen times in three weeks, drifted
into the Rockies, got lost in eight snow
storms, was half devoured by bears
scaIped by Indians, and was finally
blown five miles by cyclone"
Second Citizen: "Pooh, that's moth
ing. once ran for President"
NOT so SLOW AFTER ALL.
Mother (to slow small boy): "Dc
hurry up, Rob. What makes you sc
slow"
81 dunno"
'"Then you ought to know; and let mt
tell you, my son, that unless you learr
to hurry, you will never be anything o
a business man when you grow up.
"On, yes, will, ma"
"How?"
"Oh, when I grow up I'll go init
business, and I'll hire lot of clerks t.
do my hurrying for me. "-PhiIadelphit
Call.
SUSCEPTIBLE OF PROOF.
eyes. sir" said proud young father
"she's the prettiest little baby girl in th
CITY, and I'll bet money on it."
CHOW can you prove it ?" he wa
asked.
"Prove it? Why I can prove it by he
mother"
, SERVING DINNER.
| Mistress: "Bridget, l told you t
! warm the CUP plates and the tureen."
Bridget: "Faith, mum, an the plate
is that hot ye can't tech thim."
Mistssssi :STIn1n1iIstss sEs hot, but tn
tureen Is dnite'coid.
Bridget: "Shure an oi thot the sou
r wud warrum the turane. num-"
REFINEMENT OF CRUELTY.
) ''H you should marry a coaehmar
} and had my way, do you know what
t would do with you?" asked MANN
= of her daughter.
, "No; don't know that I do"
"Well, I'd make you live with him,
( would"
Mamma, do you know what I'd do
if had my way2"
"No, don't"
"Well, I'd be just cruel enough I
him to compel him to live in the hous
S with his mother-in-law."
: Solving the Problem.