The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1884-08-29
supposed to be Funny.


n htsh@ Nihu ~ upt INV ny Uuhhs
When ship wallows In the trough of
the sea It's no sign Of intoxIcation.
When Tennessee man has nothing In
particular TO do, he goes and discovers
cave.
Derrick Dodd wants to know II they
ever bury dead calm. Certainly; un-
der the rolling sea.
In a Western court the foreman Of the
jury shot the prisoner for lying. That
Is what they call snap Judgment.
Mrs. l.. M Bates, who is at Saratoga,
carries parasol worth $1,000. Her Irish
coachman says, "She Bates thin ALL"
Abraham was not a poker player MS
far as we have any profane record, but
the Bible mentions the fact that he beat
four kings.
A virginian recently killed relative
In dispute about dollar. Relatives
are apparently more plentiful than dol
lars in the Sunny South.
A poem written by rhymer who Ia
within hearing Of q rattling sewing ma
chine and squallibg baby never makes
Its appearance In leading magazine.
DIR. Hammond writes novels and prac-
tioes medicine also. The doctor has an
advantage over every other novelist In
the country. lie can cure his own VIC
tins.
"Oh, don't propose to me here.r ex-
claimed young lady. whose love was
about to pour out his avowal as they
were riding by corniield. "The very
corn has ears"
Heard at,'.-Saratoga--" What Is that
girls name? She looks very awkward
and rustic at this garden party" ~
don't know exactly, but should say she
was Miss Fit"
A Western paper says: s'Mrs. Meeker,
Of Argo, Cal, has duck that laid nm
egg with nickel imbedded In the yolk."
This is not freak of nature, but Cali
fornia newspaper lie.
A member Of the Kentucky Legisla-
ture, who attended service at the Epis-
copal church at Frankfort, was asked
how he liked II, and replied "Purfy
well. riz and fell with them every
time"
The New York Graphic says that n
Colorado editor who was hard up for
copy published chapter from the Bible
every day for leading editorial, for
three months, before any one found 1t
out.
"Will you have salt on your eggs ?,
asked the hotel waiter OF the guest.
.Oh, no, thanks. They are not at all
fresh" Then the waiter went out to
consult the landlord to see If the hotel
had been insulted.
Parent (angry)-"You have been In
the water. You were fishing" Son
(dripping)-" Yes, ma Pam; i was in the
water, but l got boy out who might
who was itp" Boy-"Myself."
nox-o.k -
and the man who was sent to fix 1t up
discovered that hole had been punched
In the instrument by somebody who had
innocently thought he could hear better
through IL that way.
She-Why did you come to the coun-
try so late this year? He (recently mar
ried)-I have been ransacking the city
to get stylish fiat for next winter, but
couldn't find one. She-You are not
as lucky as your wife.
"Look here, waiter" called feeder at
city restaurant. "Look at the hair
found In this turtle SOUP" Eyes, see.
You have heard Of that famous race be-
tween the turtle and the hare ?" "Yes;
what Of itP" "Why, In this case the
hair and the turtle came In even."
"Are those onions fresh ?" Certain
ly, marin, they were pulled this morn
ing" Then, as his customer walked
away with her purchase, the truthful
dealer pulled some more-from barrel
and batting his stall with bunch, sat
down and waited for the next gudgeon.
"Do look at that young couple ~
whispered Mr.. Bass. "Anybody would
know they were just married. How
silly he acts, and just before folks, too p
Don't be too hard on the poor fellow"
replied Mrs. Bass; she probably hasn't
anybody else to make love to just at
present."
~ say, Jimmy, yer at very hard luck,
an feel sorry for yer" said small boy
to a companion. whats de matter? /
hain't got no hard luck" "Do yer
mean ter say yer don't know what's
goin' on up yer house ?" mo, amt
heard nothin'. What is 1t ?" "Dere's a
man unloadin' cord wood In de lane"
A Nashville hackman, whose patience
had been exhausted answering ques.
tions as to how his horses came to have
a pink color, pasted the following
placard, written by himself, upon the
side Of his coach: "Them horses got
pinked by bein' left In the rain with rec
fly net ON. II amt no use askin' more
kestions about it.n