Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-01-06
sHINBoNFs' LAST CALL.
He Visits the Aristocracy and is Filled
with Disgust.
Aalr vi. z -


I When Brother Shinbones Smith "a
turned, after making his New Years
| calls, to his brOwn-wOOd front ON ths
/ western frontier of HOboken. it was nearly
l:30 TINS morning. He had started out in
the early afternoon arrayed in all the
glory of his best prOtracted meetin .
clothes. A chrome yellow oyercoat Of
antique mould embodied his manly figure.
| and white dicer of LOFTY eminpnca
was poised above his zimmerman brow
! A pair OF oblong, brass-rimmed goggles
hestrode his nose, and in bis hand he car
! ried blue cotton umbrella. His " his
kers were neatly trimmed and oiled with
the aromatic unguent of the OpOsSum. i'm
J ported at enormous expense from the in
terror OF New Jersey. When be returned.
the overcoat was sadly abbreviated IN the
aIterward department, disclosing a SOL
eilln ana suggestive vacancy i'm the rest
tul part of his trousers. Brother SHIN
bones ala not look so happy as he had
looked earlier IL. the day, and he met the
! lnquIrIng gaze of his vOluminous spouse
with something that an ignorant person
would have taken for timidity.
"Lawk massyw exclaimed Mrs.
Smlth; "ShlnbOnes, whaT yO' been ter?
1O' lux as eft yO' he'd been in de den O.
liOns.''
wall, / hain't," said Shinbones. de-
posting his umbrella and dicer in a cor
ner.
What's happened ter yerr'
"Jes 20, hoP on till | catch my breff
Dit am I'll tell yer"
Alter few moments Of painful silence
ShInbOnes turned a sorrOwful gaze uDon
his spouse and thus addressed her:
II ned fus' rate time dis yer dav till I
ondertuk ter make my las call on Mistah
ana Mlssls Hardenberry wat Ibis IN on
Ohlon hlll. Dey am putty heightened
pussons, yer know, an dey heb give me
some jobs a-whitewashin' up dar. | was
trlnken Diet Ort ter kinder pay 'em nv
dlspects for all der kin'ness, so hauled
myself up dat ar hill and went fur der
dOOh yard. I'd been a-makin' a putty
good many calls, yer see, an it was putty
late. Still, SEE l ter myself, SEE |, faint
none too late fur ter be a-callin' on Moo
Years. so l rasled de ole gate open am
mosied right inter der yard am slid up ter
de from dooh. DOggOne me fur pickles eff
dey didn't heb a egg basket a-hangin' ter
de doom knob. Wall, sir, Wen | seed dat
dar egg basket, SEE l ter myself SEE |. dis
yer hain't no kinder way to be treatin'
ole fren, an Pm gwine fur ter git inter
dis yer shanty an catch Onter suthin'
er Other ter drink. SO | cantered M ter
de dooh and let fly wild dis yer tut. Den |
listened bit, but didn't hear muffin noah
dan my own bretf. So jes hauled OFF am
Leu Ter hev't agIn. Den | kinder imagined
heerd a sorter growl. jes luked arOun',
am, shO' huff. dar was Mr.. Hardenberrv's
bull tarrier gain at me outen his one eve.
Now, yo' know me, ole woman, an yer
know dom like dawgs, specially dawgs
via one eye. An wen de DAVIS bull
tarrier. den Pm away orr, chile, umph-
umph. Wal, l kinder backed OFF a piece
an whistle ter de dawg. Blame if he seq
word back. Den l reckOned dat he
warn't much mad, and mOsied up ter de
dOoh agin. SOOn's | did dat he begin ter
growl. So | begin ter reckon dat I'd bes'
git about. SO l starts fur de gate. Bless
yer ole heart, sOOn's | did. dat ar dawg
slid aroun' an got in 'twixt me am der
fonce. Den | ondertuk to reason wild lin.
Pup SEE I ter de dawg, SEE l, dis
yer may strike yO' as bein' propah con-
due, but yO' am OFT yO' base. How IN
gwine ter stan hyar all night? YO' bet
tab go roun' benin de house an lemme
git OUT
But de dawg he only kinder wauk his
one eye an SEE muffin. So went an sOt
down Onter de steps, an de dawg he laid
down in front O me with his nose twixt
his front paw an nevah tux dat ar eye OFF
me. Every time ] got up dc dawg got up
an showed his teef; an den | s0t down
agin, yer kin betcher life, an so did he
dawg. Wal. after I'd sot dar bout two
yeahs gan to git putty sick ob de circus.
All on sudden l recomenbered dat
had beef bone in my pocket that I'd
borrered from BREEDER Pete Magnuf
when | called dar. l tuck dat out an
SEE: Here, dawggie, good dawggie, eat
dat fur yo' Moo Years. De wg he
tackled ontert, an !, kiader careless
Ike, ted fur de fence. Soon's / got
benin de dawg | made a break fur ter
jump de fence an skip. Jes as | was
risin' on de jump dat blamed dawg
grabbed holt o. me benin an lit on my
stummck Onter de fence. / kicked an
de dawg hung on. Twas nip an tuck
'twixt me an de dawg fur pretty con-
sid'ble time, but pretty soon de ole coat
am de brooches bruk. De dawg rolled
Ober onter his back an l went Ober de
fence 0nter my head. Ole woman, de
way lit aout soon's / cud pick myself
up was wusser dan Lot scOoted out o.
Gotham an TommOrah de time o. de big
fab. When dis yer hon'ble memhah goes
a-NoO Years calling agin' YOU be able
ter catch cat-feesh wild yo' hams. Gud-
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