New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-12-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMoI,.
Excuse of the girl who eloped with
her c0achman: Il was driven to it,
Too many towns IN this country de-
pend upon Providence instead of fire.
engines.
my bow is all unstrnng,' MARBLES
a fair poetess. Wonder If her beau has
been out on a racket.
To keep apples from decaying put
large family Of children.
"A train behind time,'' remarked
Jones, seeing an elderly lady tricked
out in full, flowing robes.
When boy Of 10 runs away with
girl of the same age the proceedings
may be called verdant slope.
Awkward IDIOT Your train is quite
long, Miss Lucy Miss Lucy-..1t
will not be SO long if you take two feet
off it,
A subscriber advertiscs for "a plain
girl to cook He probably was afraid
he would be hanged if he cooked q
pretty girl.
When young man is lingering the
cash left him by his grandfather, can
it be said that he is reveling in his
ancestral hauls?
No waste of shot: ''What did you
kill?" inquired a pedestrian of a sports
man on horseback Time was the
sententious response. ),
''Can a man be hanged twicc?'' asks
the New York Tribune This may be
a mooted question; but some men de-
serve to be hanged twicean each
time fatally.-Nes0 York Dial.
A fashion paper states that children's
shapes show no change, This will be
interesting news to parents, as it is ex-
pensive and troublesome to change
the shape of child every season.
Springfield Union.
Mrs. Belva Lockwood carried as
many States as Butler or st. John, any
how, and that is doing pretty well for
a woman's first run against old expert
enced politicians Of. the pantaloon gen
der No1y'astOaCn Herald.
A great Irish orator and wit was
asked what an Irish friend of his, who
had just arrived in London, could mean
by perpetually putting out his tongue.
81 suppose he's trying to catch the
English accent said the wit.
"Well," said George, Il must CO."
and then he said goodnight with the
Emma Abbot attachment thereunto APP
pertaining. IF you must you mussed,"
replied Linda, ''look at my hair and
ruffle.'' And he ruf1led. -Burliqgton
HaaUkeye.
An ingenious girl confided to friend
that she thought a certain young gem
tleman was going to propose. I'm
sure of it., she said, earnestly. '.Why,
only the other evening when he called
he told me how to prevent babies from
being bow-]egged.
When man marrics a fashionable
young lady and goes to housekeeping
he should always buy healthy dog.
And the healthier the dog the better
for his purpose, if he wants to try the
effect of her pie-crust upon it before he
INDUCES in it himself.
s'This art craze is going too far"
said Brown, when a pot Of paint fell
from a second-story window and struck
him on the head. :'No more decorated
tiles for me- he mournfully added as
he began to scrape the yellow paint off
his silk hat with knife.
.Curious how much cleaner all the
people look. exclaimed Texan who
had been away on trip for couple of
months. eyes, = replied the old settler
to whom he was talking; ..you have no
idea what laundering lot of rain has
fallen here this season
A man without hands was charged
in New York few days ago with steal
ing watch. Next thing we know a
legless man will be arrested for kicking
a policeman, and blind man will be
accused of winking at the drug clerk
behind the sOda-Water fountain.
"Neyer cat and drink at the same
time, is the advice given by Munich
savant to fat people who wish to re-
duce their bulk. This appears to lie an
underhand blow aimed at one of the
noblest Of our American institutions
the bar-room FREQ luuch.- Boston
Globe
The latest novelty in the way Of
vehicles in Brighton, England, is
light wickerwork Bath chair fitted on a
tricycle.. There is q seat for an invalid in
the front, and another for man to
propel it behind. They promise to
drive the Bath chair-men out of the
business.
Among a lot of modern proverbs
sent to a London newspaper were
these: "1t's poor musician who can't
blow his own trumpet ..The want
of money is the root of much evil;'' IF
you would know mans character fol-
low him home;" '.Only whisper scam
dial and its echo is heard by all. =
If there is anything that will make
man cordially hate himself, it is when
he takes walk of about mile to the
post Office to find that he has left his
keys at home, and then, on going
home after them, to find on opening his
box that the only thing in it is card
notifying him that his box rent is due.
1t seems to me, = said a well-known
Judge to his daughter, ..that your
affianced calls good many times q
week. My court dosn't sit anywhere
near as often as yours does. = 30, we'll,
papa, " was the blushing reply, II am
engaged to him, you know, and that
entities us to court of special ses-
sions. y
Hostess TO gentleman herhusb and
has brought home to dinner: ..How
well you speak English, Mr.. Mr..
(not understanding: Eyes, I.
ought to. Hostess: .'but you speak
remarkably well. Mr.. 81 ought.
have lived here all my life. In fact,
was born in New York. Hostess:
why, how strange! I am sure my
husband told mo you were a Bohe-
mian. .
He was reading a patent-medicine
almanac. Suddenly he jumped up and.
shnllted 10 his wife. q e.SnneholH nm.