davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
HUMOROUS.

The Burlington Hawkeye advise:
those who are searching for independ.
ence to look in the kitchen.
-"What is lake?" asked the teach,
er. A bright little Irish boy raised hi;
hand. "Well, Mickey, what is is?'
"Suro its hole in the kittle. mum. .
A lover, writ NC to his sweetheart,
says: ''Delecta lie dear. You are SO
sweet that honey would blush in You,
presence and treacle stand appalled,
Detroit Post.
-"No, L haven't been TO the bird
show, ;" said man who was very deem.
ly in debt; "there are too many bills
there to suit me. and Just now I'm try.
ing TO find a way to feather nv own
nest. y Golden days.
The late husband, who removed his
boot in the hall, thinking to steal up-
stairs without waking his wife, and
found that she was watching him from
the landing, admitted that il was a boot.
less attempt.-SOmerriHc Journal.
A Toronto blacksmith advertised
for helper who must be as 1ui k rs
lightning" The frs man who applied
Ter the situation careless!v picked up /:
hot horseshoe, and the blacksmith hired
him at once. --ijrdke'S Irdceler's Maqa.
zine
"A lady reader writes to say that she
has been losing her hair recently anc
wants to know what she shall do to pre-
vent it. Either keep your bureau draw.
er locked or else discharge the hired
girl and get another of a complexion
differing from yours. -RoctlGnd Gazctte.
There is fine distinction between
defect and a misfortune: for. while
one cannot prevent the latter, the de.
feet may be due to himself. Sad p
man to dealer in horses: You fooled
me in the horse l bought last week. =
"What! l? Never!'' eyes. YOU said
he had no defects, and find that he j,
blind in one eye" "Why. nv dear sir.
that is not a defect; that's a misfort.
une. - Chicago Herald.
1t fell to the lot of an inebriatec
person to be tarred and feathered by
his boon companions. He was pre-
pared to view any freak OF fortune with
equanimfy. and after some hours he
was observed to rise and survey him
self in the pier-glass. Did he shrek
with horror? Oh dear, no: He simply
observed with complaccnt resignation
Become a bird, by Jover' and then
lapsed once more into slumber.-N T.
Graphic.
-"Cleminta, said sorrowful swain
TO his hearts desire, this is the third
time that your father has requested mr
to remove my person from these prem,
ises." Heed him not" sobbed thu
fair one; do not 60" Il must" just
then the fathers steps echoed adowr
the hallway. lyon need not come ia
old gentleman. said the departing
lover; ''three removes are as good as /
fire" and he clutched his sombrere
and departed. - Boston Courier.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
Personal aND IITrRARY.

Mlssissippians feel very proud OF
,. their State library in the capitol at
Jackson. 1t comprises thirty-eight
thousand volumes.
1t is reported in London according
70 the PdiLAfaR Gazette that an Ameri-
IAN daily newspaper will be soon pub
Iished in that city.
The Marquis who is to marry Mrs.
Frank Leslie can shoot his initials in q
BOARD. and he writes poetry with the
greatest ease.--N y. San.
Charles Oakley has lived in New
York City for ninety-seven years, and Is
now approach ing his one hundred and
second birthday.-M Y Times.
l-Stanley has visited the Congo Val
ley north of the equator. and finds a
dense and enterprising population OF
probably 10000, 0Oo.--M. T. Herald
The death of Rev. Caleb Sprague
Henry, ID. D., Ii. d., at Stamford,
Conn.,, was the twenty-fourth death out
OF twenty-six graduates of the class o.
1875 of Dartmouth College. -RarUora
Post.
-JoSeph r. BENJAMIN died in New
London recently aged sixty-nine wears.
He set type on the frs New York Her
AID issue, was with the Sun for twenty
years, and afterwards was a compositor
for the Harpers. Herald.
General Logan is going to write a
book. 1t will contain no reference 10
the political history of the times, but
will be confined entirely to recital oil
the Generals connection with the wal
of the rebellion Chicago Herdld.
There is in New York a Bureau OF
Revision, TO which are sent all sorts OF
literary product ons for criticism and
overhauling. 1t acts rs an intermedi-
airy between author and publisher. The
manager claims the idea as new, but
similar enterprises have existed in
other places and years. ~ L. Tri-
6une.
Isaac Reed, of Waldoboro, Me-,
has been moderator of the spring meet
ing in Waldoboro thirty-one times.
Chairman of Selectmen nineteen times.
member of House of Representatives
six times, member of Senate four times,
has served one year as State Treasurer
and one term IN Congress. He is sew
enty.four years of age and his general
health is so good that he is ready to run
for the next office that comes along. =
Portland ArguS.
One of the most promising pupil:
in the Grass Valley (Cal. public schools
is the nine-year-old daughter of Tir
10y, the Chinese interpreter. Her name
is Lulu. The first year Lulu went tC
school she dressed in Chinese fashion
and her amor costume ,,.Ja l,o. -,
pleasantly consp cuous. Then she
pleaded with her father TO let her adopt
the garb of civilization from an Ameri.
can standpoint, and after some reluc.
lance he consented. So now she dre.se.
after the fashion of other little girls
even 10 her hair. which is braided be
hind and tied with two bright red rib
bons, and in front is banged in the
highest style of the art. san Francis
co Cal.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
The Homemade Dude.
"Do they make you tired?"
We'll. I shOuld humi',

10 Jney make You tired?
well, 1 should hum,n
The question and its metaphorical
but vigorously expressive answer were
inspired by the presence of a Detroit
dude Ca genuine specimen of the species)
IN Griswold street barber shop. The
person who proposed the question was
gentleman who subsequently, ex-
planned that the sight of dude or even
dudeling (who merely parts his hair
in the middle), had almost as marked
an effect on him as water has on dog
affected with hydrophobia.
Il git quite procesh OF them things
in my chair" continued the barber.
with a curious nervous movement "A
cross between n ehuckle and a shudder
--"but jest as soon's warm weather
comes I'm go;n' to rattle 'em out, now
don { you forget it,
why? Are they not profitable Gus
tomers?''
mot muchI There's that little Teller
that jest went out. We call him Lizzie
ere in the shop when he amt around
because he's more like a girl goin' to
her first ball than 3 man. | don't
'spose he's more'n twenty years old.
but his git-up's n killer. He come in
here the night of the swell skatin' party
at McQuade rink, with a claw-ham-
mer coat on under taller (new-market
you know. that pretty nearly dragged
on the ground. a white handkerchief
spread out under bis vest, and the
darndest toothpicky pair of toothpick
shoes on 1 ever got onto-and I've seen
some tough ones in my time I was
waitn' ON a customer. and so this Teller
he set down in that very chair you're in
now. hauled out a one-eyed eye-glass,
stuck il into his right eye, screwed mn
the right-hand corner Of his mouth and
made out s I he was a readin'. Mr..
Merryweather. there, laughed so much
hes been sick over sence-
when got through with NV reuu-
lar customer / tried 70 fish M an az
cuse TO git out of the shop, but The dude
got onto me and was stuck. had
to bang bis hair, then part It down thc
middle little ways and then plaster IL
and bring the ca locks forward. After
that he wanted ahand-glass. and then /
had 70 arch up bis eye brows, which he
wouldn't let me do till he'd stuck that
one-eyed glass in again.
Meli: You made At least dollar on
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
What Science Is Doing for Us.

''Clearin' up?' replied the Old
Settler. IL hain't been able TO see nc
sign o any clearin' up UT. 1t usety be,
b'gosh. that We could go little BY the
moon in maxim yer Gale lations bout
things; but fur all the use the moon Is
now fur that. We mowt jest ez well
scoop the in ards Out'n a skim-milk
cheese, light taller dip, an put it in
it, an hang it up on a Tag pole. l ben
sayin' along during this damp spell
w ait till the moon changes, an this
weather'll flop 'roun' vita Jerk, an
well hev it dryer'I temper nee pic
mic. an colder an ic.cle OFT n tn,
North Pole Wal, the moon CHANGED
tother day, but Std o the weather
fetchin' up with short jerk an takfn'
the back track, it just tuck to ranin'
all the harder. an gives me durn nice
record Tor KNOWN thing or two.
tell ye, b'gosh. that these gastrominers
mats settin up nights all over the
country. pok.n' their spyglasses round,
drawln bead on comet ev'ry little
spell. an vingin' q ne. star now an
then. an gossipin' bout what the,
imagine they We fcun' out, like a lot o
ole women at tea party, is q pIayin'
hob with things in this mundane speaI.
Fore We know d that they was noun
ts'ns ON the moon things worked al
right We know d list wien to pohe
our beans an stick Our peas; wen to
'spect wet weather an wen we was
gointer hey drout; W en- 70 60 fishin'
an en- TO kill our pigs But new
we'ro g:t.iu' too smarf ar We don't
know nothin'. '1w.n s,prsse me a
durn bit to wake up some fine mornin'
an find ev'rything drowndcd out. or
burnt up, or knocked pizz.e- .es-whang,
oy comet gettin On It's ear. 'Twon {.
e'gosn"-N. j Sn1s
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18

should keep right on and SO complete
the circumnavig ation Of the g1obe--
that would be something never done be-
fore by mortal man The thought
thrilled him, and hencefcsth no lived
for this object.
at am sorry to tell you thatNthe brave
voyager was not destined TO realize his
wish. The King Of Sebu had an enemy
In the King OF an adjacent islandA ana
Magellan went to war In defence OF his
new friend. He was killed, bravery
fighting to the last.
$50 many of the old voyagers have
left a name stained with cruelty an&
injustice that we can not admire themi
even In their daring, high-spiritod.
deeds. But we need not hesitate t0s
admire and honor Fernan Magellan.
Not inferior in courage to the most
courageous of them, his spirit was kind
as noble. Although firm, he was mild
and generous, and greatly beloved by
his sailors. He was devoted 70 what
he thought the true faith, and wished to
benefit mankind in HE mighty under
takings. You do well, little Ruth. to
remember the hero's Stxaits-it was
great and good man who first ssfbsd
through them.
.And the shipse They kept on
From one strange island to RuOtheE
they went, with many adventures. Many
pleasures, many perils and hardshNps..
And three years from the time they vet
out they again entered the harbor ..N
beautiful old Seville-they had made
the circuit of the globe. 1hey-I said;
only one of the fair ships that had sailed
awav The Santiaoo had grounded ON
the rocks of Patagonia; another had
been run away with by the treacherous
pilot, Gomez, who had put back 10
Spain and wickedly reported the others
as lost; the Conception>had been burned!
in the East Indies, the Trinidad had
voluntarily remained at the Spice Is
lands. Only the Victoria came home,
alone and triumphant, to recount tho
wonderful things of the voyage. The
sailors walked directly from the ship to-
the church, where they offered praise
and thanks for their safe return; sVd
there was great rejoicing and feastirS
in Seville and in all Spain.
Now / will tell you curious thing
in arithmetic. According to the reck-
oning on board ship it was the 9th or
September when they reached hones
everybody in Spain said it was the 9Th
The voyagers had therefore lost>a day.
The Emperor Charles V. did not puzzle
his own Uranium with the problem, but
promptly called mp learned man who
showed that in going froW east to west
| they must necessarily lose one day;
while if they had sailed the other way
they would be one day ahead VI Seville
time. ~ y Examiner.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
Politeness.

A boy who is polite TO father and
mother is likely to be polite to every
body else. A boy lacking politeness to
his parents may have the semblaDce Of
courtesy in society. but is never truly
polite in spirit, and is in danger, as he
becomes familiar, of betraying his real
want of courtesy. We are all in dan
ger OF living too much for the outside
world, for the impression which we
make in society, coveting the good
opinion of others and caring too little
for the good opinion of those who are
in sense part of ourselves, and who
will continue to sustain and be interest
ed in us. Notwithstanding these defects
OF department and character. We say
to every boy and to every girl, cultivate
the habit of courtesy and propriety AZ
home-in the kitchen as well m In the
parlor-and you will be sure in other
places to deport yourself in becoming
ana attractive manner. -Nesosboys' Ap-
DEdf -
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18

I Wss not 10 90 70 school any m Jre. 50
IL really seemed as IL my whole time
was to be given up 70 AMI nean 20
these stupid Gals, and wits, and
th ngs. I could ma study snytSsag.
Angela said It was so dull to have some
one near her buried in q book il
made her nervous to sit in the same
room with me while I was reading. I
don't know what should have done.
but Mr.. Fordyce really was veEy kind.
He found outmy dokfnl case by degrees.
aud insisted upon my having some time
TO myself He gave me n little room
for my own, and said in winter there
was always TO DO fire there; and one
day he got me q pass for the College
library-that's where get NV learned
books. Grace-and he subscribed to
Nudes for me for now ones. asked
him what there was l could do for lin
I felt so very grateful. you know; and
il was kind, was IL notP"
EYES. tery." Grace was Obliged to own.
Because Angela grumbled dread.
fully. Oh, she docs grumble some
times, Grace. You will nos tell any
one I said so, but she makes me feel
sonnet mes as IL should absolutely like
10 box her ears.H
ibid ever any one hear of such
frightiul thoughts? Well?"
Mr.. Fordyce said he didn't know
he had done anything that required
payment, but that he never refused q
good offer, and I might read the paper
to him sometimes, and write few of his
letters So we began with that. and
now we have got beyond the paper,
and read very interesting books some
times. voyages and travels and histO v.
The only drawback is that Angela
yawns so dreadfully, and objects to 1t so
very strongly"
WHY doesn't she put a stop to ftp"
because she can't" replied Ma
belle; Mr.. ForIyce is quite the mas
ter"
She struggled to suppress a cOnvul-
sive smile, but looking up, ard catching
Grace's eve, it would out. Grace burst
into peal of laughter, in which Mabelle
Joined.
lin other words, your sister has
overreached herse {, and has TO submit
to Mr.. Fordyce, instead of his submit
ting to her, rs she intended. You will
excuse my saying, Mabelle, that am
very glad to hear il. +"
Mabelle smiled rather family, and at
this moment the sound of bell warned
them that tea was ready at the farm;
and. accompanied by DIR. Johns n,
thoughtfully pacing before them, they
repaired to that meal.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
Our Young. Readers. j..
AN ENTERPRls1Nd MLNp.

There was little chicken that was shut up In
de thought 70 himself: I'm sure can mot
tell
What am walled in here fora shocking
coop, find, y
United for chicken with an enterprisins
mind"
He went out I'm the barn-ynrd one lovely
morn in May;
Each hen he found spring cleaning in the only
proper way:
This yard is much too narrow-a shocking
coop, find,
mind" ~ ~
he crcpt M to the gateway and slipped out
through a crack;
The world stretched wide before him, and Just
rs widely back;
This world is much too narrow-a shocking
coop. i lind, .
United for chicken with an enterprising
mind"
Il should like to have Ideals, I should like to
tread the stars,
To get the Unattainable. and free my soul
from bars:
should like 70 leave this dark earth and some
other dwelling ind.
More lifted for chicken with an enterprislng
mind.
There's place where ducks and pleasure
boats go sailing to and fro,
There's one world on the surface and another
world below"
The i little waves crept nearer and. on the
They swallowed up the chicken with an enter
prising mind.
-Adetdtie q. Waters, ia Wide Airdke.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
An Ideal Children's Playhouse.

The following description of an ideal
children's playhouse. by Mary A.
Lathbury, in 81. Nicholas, may be
found to contain helpful hints for some
of both our grown-up and growing-up
readers:
ION the level brow of q mountain.
within hundred miles Of the office of
81. Nicholas. stands lovely home.
There are many beautiful ana interest
ing things in and around the home.
gathered from foreign lands and from
our own, and nothing has been left I'M
done that could help to make the six
children of the home wise and happy.
But the happiest thought of all was the
building of the little log cabin, called
Fairy Lodge.
There was great deal of pleasure
got out of the building and the settling
Of the Lodge. think the great CHM
ney must have been built first, for that
when the logs are ablaze in II, forms
the heart and lungs of the house. The
fire place almost fills one side of the
living room,' and all the old-time
utensils are there-the andirons. the
crane, the tOngs. the bake-kette, the
iron tea-kettle, while the bellows hangs
blythe chimney side.
There are no modern antiques in
Fairy Lodge, and vcry:hing is a bit of
history. The cupboard at one end of
the fireplace is filled with rare old odds
and ends from many a broken set Of
china. On the right of the fire place
stands the spinning-whcel, and the great
armchair is drawn close 10 the braided
rug before the fire. Then there are
chests and dresses with brass corners
and handles. and chairs, nd tables with
spindle legs; old-time mirrors and q
clock with time-wofn face: and, in o
corner. the big wool-wheel, the swifts
and the reel.
There are interesting pictures ON
the log walls-miniaturrs of men with
high, rolling collars, and of women with
short waists and puffy sleeves: and
there are documents of his oric value,
yellow with age and heavy with seals, in
frames of furnished gilt. There ara
books also, in which the SIS are all Fs,'
as one of the six children said-and
psalm books full of 'quavers, semi
quavers' and 'demi-semi-quavers.'
'sThere is kitchen, opening out Of
the 'living-room,' which has the modern
innovation of cook-stove. The two
elder girls practced cookery at the
Lodge, and could not reach the best re-
suits with tin bake-oven and long
handled frying-pan.
''On those long and lovely days when
there are guests at the home, the Lodge,
as you may imagine, is coy retreat
for the girls and their friends. There
is the last recipe from the Cooking
Club to be tried in the morning, and q
tea at five o'clock. There is no hurry,
for there is no heavy work to be done
before company comes.
There is an oldfashioned flower
garden in front of the Lodge; and tie
old-fashioned flowers have had the hon.
or OF going, each summer, with the
flowers from the home Conservatives.
in thousands of bouquets, through the
Flower Mission. to the city hospitals
and the sick-rooms of the poor"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
a PAUSE BY THE WAK

A man. stand upon the spot
where. whe1 COY, pla.oi,
And gaze upon tho changed scens
which passing years have made.
Oh. sweet sweet tins, what pain
IL no'or will come again.
What though I think OF namo attained.
or wealth and famo achieved.
And asa myself! Have not Won
More han nv hopes holleveslf"
Oh. sweet sweet tins, what pain
10 ne'er will come again.
Al, vain. how valnl the heart win know
No io Ike those OF youth:
And name and fame can ne'er restore
Inc SOIL once y h % with truth.
Oh, sv 81, sweet time. what pain
10 no o. wall come again.
Fond visions 90 those other days
Into my memory roll
And All their wealth ot hope and love
Pour full across my soul
On sweet, sweet time What palm
10 no'er win come again.
Ah. could 7 BE- a boy oueo more
bcncath thcac azure skica
whore nrs nv infant feet Wero 80
And all my treasure Heal
oh. sweet, sweet "a ne, what pain
10 ne or will come axEin.
q. hopes and loves that have their graves
IN fdr OF happy years.
~. hcnrt ~ sad and bows itself
Above your mounds in tcarai
on sweet, sweet tiino. what pain
u Ne or Will como arnin.
-Joha q. Hab q. IN chicago Current
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
Courtesy in Public Places.

1t is n lamentable fact that one can
hardly enter 'horse-car, or 60 to any
public place without seeing llagrant DIS
regard of the rules of good manners, and
that, too, not only in people who are not
expected 10 know better, but often in the
behavior of richly dressed women
who doubtless call themselves ladies.
The error and vulgarisms alluded to
are frequently committed through
thoughtlessneSs or ignorance, and
those who are guilty of these impro-
prietieS would, doubtless, be surprised
and shocked if they were aware of the
estimate placed upon them and their
breeding by people who formed their
opinion from some little act. tone or
movement which had wholly escaped
their attention. For example, a richly
dressed woman enters crowded car.
A gentleman rises and offers her his
seat. She takes it without the slightest
sign of gracious acknowledgment. We
Immediately say. mentally: ''Shehas no
manners, no courtesy" She places a
small coin between her teeth or lips,
showing her want of delicacy, refine
men: and neatness; but without emu
merating the disagreeable things often
seen, let US, for the benefit of those who
may wish to improve, mention few
common rules OF good breeding which
are, alasi too often ignored by those
who should know better.
1t Is vulgar to do or say anything
that attracts attention. Loud laughing
Is in very bad taste. Loud conversation
while walking with 4 friend in the
street. shopping. or riding in a horse
car, displays n great want o; refinement
and of good sense. Besides the odious-
nesn of making ones self conspicuous
in this way, it is really dangerous, as no
one knows what foul germs of disease
concealed in the dust of the streets NAV
blow into the mouth, and. lodging in the
warm, moist throat, germinate, giving
rise to disease, if not to death For the
sake of health as well as decency. there
fore. 1t is better TO keep the mouth shut
as much as possible. The same consid-
erations will lead lady to wear vail.
Never talk Of personal or private affairs
in public places; no one knows who
may be your listeners. To speak OF
your own affairs in public 10 imprudent
and vulgar; TO speak of your friends
affairs in public is rude and impairment.
The same remark applies to postal
cards The household.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18
fro BE coNTNUEp]

II razor. after being exposed to
the cold, be placed under . strong
magnifying glass. It is said that the
edge would seem ke n saw. Dipping
it IN hot water throws the little parti-
Giles back into place and makes the
edge smooth--Indiaaapoiis Jonr7sak
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18

=" VIII you have q small piece of the
light meat or small piece If the dark?''
asked Bob's uncle. as he carved thu
turkey nt dinner. "rn have q large
piecs of both, I" said Bob.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18

"A locomotive has made 266 rcund
trips from Springfield 20 Boston. 1s6
mil"s each. without ever going TO the
shop tor repairs. --Boston Herald
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-04-18

Goal L found In thirty out Of the
thirty-eighi counties a Ohlo.-ClspD,