The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1884-02-22
HUMOROUS lIATTKRs.

When . man refuses to be baptized
he ID evidently outside the pale Of tho
church.
A cross fellow says strong minded
woman will always be speaker Of the
house.
Fred Douglass has taken TO himself
white wife. There's no beastly pride
about him.
Tennyson Is good deal like Mac
beth. He has had q baron sceptre
placed In his gripo.
VIII Barnum's white elephant travel
by the trunk line when he comes 10 this
countryi
Never grOwl at the weather. Noah
didn't, and he Witnessed forty days Of
the wottest weather that man ever saw.
1t is to be hoped that the Chicago
female lawyer does not follow the ex-
ample Of many women and take The
law in her own hands.
The Philadelphia girl who married
the thin natural curiosity was not con-
tent like most people TO let tho skeleton
remain in her closet.
When n Mormon dies bis better
halves must make Salt Lake around
his remains, il the fruitful rivers Of the
eyea are not chokod up.
The man who sprinkles bis ley side
walk, in order to prevent pedestrians
from falling ia sure Of q heavenly home
Like the phoenix he viii rise from hi
ashes.
"Why don't we have any pudding
nowadays ?" said boarder 10 his land
lady the ether day. Because" wal
the answer, al am trying 10 make botl
ends meat"
"Wby don't you como and kiss me
Johnny p said an ancient maiden aunI
to her youthful nephew. because,
said Johnny, hanging his head, "Tn
afraid Of POWDER"
A health writer says, "Sleepless peo
should court the SUM- II be had only
said daughter" Thousands would en-
brace the remedy where ono will nov
only laugh at it.
After you give an organ grinder Eve
cents, he usually shows his appreciation
Of your generosity by giving you few
additional tunes. He believes that ons
good turn deserves another.
The Philadelphia Call asks who wa
Adams father. Shakespeare prsbably
bad the same question In his mind
when he intimated that IL was q wise
son who knew his paternal pr6genitor.
The New York Morning journal
says: Oscar Wilde no longer wear
Q sunfewer in his butbon-hole." Sine.
bis marriage engagement he has shangsd
his floral decoration and has daisy In
his eye.
According 70 this new standard
Minnie, We must set the clock bach
about four minutes, oh p Minnie (stil
in the market)-'iFour miastss Pu
it back lOts, papa, nothing less than To,
years will do me any good p
''If there's anything I love, it's roAS
goose" remarked Henderson, as he pas
sed up his plate for . second helping
cit does you credit, ,"said FOgg "ther'
Ia nothing 30 beauIifc! a. affection
amongst the members of family"
"Can 60 down town and buy som'
household linen now ~ said Mrs. Ke,
the other day, "Its very cheap yor
know" Certainly, my lsve," VA
her husbands replv, "but tell them no
10 send the bill in until next Fall wher
money is plenty"
"What are you doing r. asked &
clearinghouse man Of his eAum a. b,
caught him tiptOeing up aud dowr
stairs. "I'm going to get married next
month";" was tho solemn reply, "And
Pm practising how TO get in late al
night without raising q racket"
Some women take Gendish delight
in placing q piece Of oil cloth where
their husbands are sure to step on it in
the morning, when they spriag ont Of
bed, when the thermometer il hsverinl
about zero, and for moment the mar
row-chilled man thinks he has dissever.
ed the north pele.
A merchant traveller took his place
at the table of Western hotel, where
the landlord was the only waiter, and,
after finishing . very scanty meal, he
said persuasively, 81 should liko some
dessert" dessert Wot's thati We
amt got none" ''Wsll give me some
pie" "Pie, thunder ! We amt got nc
pie Help yourself to the mustard r
A gentleman who thinks Of leaving
the cheerless climate of Iowa wants &c