Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-12-02
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

At the trial was defended with great
pertinacity by an able counsel. Gentle
men," said the Judge to the jury, the
prisoner says he Is guilty. His counsel
says he is not. You must decide he
tween them" Then, after a pause, he |
added There isjust one thing to |
! remember, gentlenlen-the prisoner was 1
there, and his counsel wasn't.
Mother (to married daugh.er) !
Wig, what's the matter, Clara ?
What are you crying about 2" Clara. |
i" Henry Is 80 awful cruel COBB, he is |
getting worse and worse every day
| (sob). What do you suppose he :old me
just now? He told me / must get rid
OF cook he couldn't stand her cooking
any longer (sob). And he knows she
hasn't done one bit Of cooking for q
fortnight, and that l have done it all
my self Boo.hoo boo hoo hoo I"
| How do you pronounce s-q u a. l.o-r,
| Jeptha 2" asked Mrs. Jones, as she
read the paper and rocked the baby to|
sleep at the same time. "Squaller,"
said Jones, briefly. but heard
some one say that equalizer was tho cor
rect way" answered Hrs. j.
Can't help it," said Jones /" squaller
10 the way pronounce it." Where
Is your authority" asked his wife.
3" There!" responded the hardened man,
IS he pointed to the baby.
In country choir, during the SER
m n, one Of the quartet fell asleep.
Now's your chants !" said the organ
list 10 the soprano. See IL yOu CAN'T
Gle the tenor" "You would not dare
duet" said the contralto. You'll
wake hymn up," suggested the bass.
Z" cou i'd make better pun than that,
as sure as my names Psalm !" remark
ed the 10y that blew tho bellows, but
he aid 1t solo that no one quartet
Caught it).
The following expressive dialogue
lately passed between q school commit
teeman and scholar undergoing Eek
! animation : " Where is the North
Pole ?" '' don't know, sir" "Don't
know Are you not ashamed that you
don't know where the North Pole is ?''
Why, sir, If Sir john Franklin and
DIR. X ane, Captain DE Long and Cap.
tain Greedy couldn't find 1t, how should
know where 1t is %
Mis-, b: So you went to the
theatre last evening e'' Miss C
Z" Yes, and had tuch a lovely time,
Are any noted actresses in the com
pany 2" Really, l did not notice. -
( /" Strange. What was the play 90
The play was-let me see. Too bad
, forgot TO look at the programme.
I +" You don't know what the play was.''
No. You see, l was with "a theatre
e party"
Boggs likes warm bed. One morn
ing an agent for q patent fire. extin.
gnisher tried to sell him recipe.
- Look here" said Boggs, off you've
got anything thaL'll save me from get.
ting out of bed in the cold every morn.
! Ing to light fire for my wife to get
] breakfast by, IN buy il but don,
/ come round here trying to sell stuff tc
put fires outfits too much trouble t6
start Them"
In q chapel in which it was customary
for the men to sit on one side and the
women on the other, there as 80 much
talking one Sabbath that the minister
had finally to speak of 1t. t. hop'
you'll take notice that it's not on oul
side OF the house," responded one of til,
women. So much the BETTER" sait
the min lister" SO much the better, fol
then it'll the sooner be over.
"Josie, darling" said fond moth
er, in a mildltone of reproof--" Josie
= what was Henry's arm doing aroun(
your waist rs You stood in the door
way last evening"? 2" His arm WASH,
round my waist. / had just playe,
= draughts with him and won a belt, an,
J., he was only taking my measure, that
all il WAS"
A shopman ut a booksellers, think
ing to annoy q Quaker customer VIII
looked as though he was fresh from tn
y country, handed him volume, saying
Here is an excellent essay on th
rearing of calves" Thee had bette
Y. present 1t to thy mother, young man,
was the spontaneous retCrt OF tn
Il Quaker.
! When you read of soldier pickin
}, lup hundred pound shell smoking
away at his generals feet and hurlin
If it over the fence into ditch TO explode
don't keep on reading in hopes to in
that the general embraced and Pre-
I'd NOTED him. Such things are expected G
d a soldier and are looked upon with II
n difference.
III A testy old man went into his celia
III With handsome mug to draw som
beer. He stumbled and fell over boz
His wife called out: My dear. hav
you broken the mug?" Smarting wit
pain he replied: "No; but l will" An
he Immediately dashed it against th
wall.
I'll Favorable weather for haymaking-
:. When 1t rains pitchforss. Hidde
yS perils-Pins In the bsby's clothes. !
re barsinister-One Displaying the sigr
* "No trust" Vice versy-Sprlng poetry
,et Behind the hars-rhe singer ths
n doesn't keep up with the accompanis
Of "I,m fun Misteh Brown, mum-gen
ert leman what lives 'crost de way. ID
o. saws won't yer please shut dem fyindel
u. wen de young lady's playing
nd "But L thought Mr.. Brown was mus
mi cal himselt?" "Thass whut's +.
81 matlah, mum
NJ, A certain French philosopher coul
= not hear the mewing of cat withol
. biz eding at the nose. This was prob
bly a mere literary affectation. "
know a poet who cannot gaze on a pie
of pie without watering at the eyes.
"Why do you wear your heard mu
ton. ehops?" WAS asked commerce
traveller by a friend. because" W
~, 40 the philosophical answer, :" In the FL
place IL hides my cheek, and IN, t
gh, second place 1t gives my chin full play
lnd A city man lately eneaged 3 cook
pretty and fascinating that the d ct d
he employed her she mashed"
potatoes. The next day she mashe
y. this son.