Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-11-11
MIRTH AND MET RIM ENT

black trunk. Tho gentlemanly con.
ductor, going his rounds, at the first
station politely informed the stranger
that the trunk must be put In the bag.
gage-car. To which the stranger
nothing replied. At the second station
the dispiessed conductor more decidedly
told the stranger that hs must put tho
trunk in the baggage car. To which tho
stranger nothing replied. At the third
station tho vexed conductor more i'm.
peratively told the stranger that he
must put the trunk In the baggage car,
or It would be put of the train. To
which the stranger nothing replied.
At the fourth station the irate conduc-
tor had the trunk put off and left. To
which the stranger said nothing. Al
the fifth station the Modified conductor,
addressing the stranger. begged him 70
remember that he had but done what
his duty required, that he had done
1t only after repeated warnings, and
that 1t was solely the straDger's fault.
To which the stranger replied laconic.
ally: Don't care; tain 7 my trunk.
There was . company of men engaged
In little game of cards In friends
parior one night. 1t grew late, and
fears we're expressed by the party that
they were trespassing upon the kind
ness of the mistress Of the house, who,
by the way, WAS not present. Not ct
all, gentlemen, not ut all. Play - long
40 you please. l am Gear here" said
the master Of the mansion. =" Yes,
gentlemen, play As long as you please. -
said silvery voice, and all rose imme-
diately ~ the mistress of the house
stood before them +" but as it 10 nearly
one O'Clock the Gear IL going to bed ?"
He went.
80 you say you got even with Mrs.
Jones when shs tr led TO spite you by
wearing q hsndsoDer dress than yours
1t your wedding anniversary and A.
tracing all the attention? 2" "Oh, yes,
I got even with her," Glow did you
manage 1t ?" "Well, you soc, she had
her little boy with her, and when she
took him on her lap, peeled an orange
and gave it to him while she WAS look
ing the other way" And of course
he was soon swimming In the juice.
and the dress was ruined Precise
ly."
With egard to articles of merchan
disc, we find tina; iron Is firm but In
|dia-rubber 10 q little y ielding. ChlorO
form Is still drug in the market, and
millstones are difficult to move. Oysters
yesterday were opened quietly, and
ultimately went down still lower.
Lead IL rather heavy. but tin" Ia
eagerly sought or. A prospectus has
been Issued of new Aquarium COM
pany, but the tendency is to throw
cold water upon it. The Tobacco
Loan will remain popular, borrowers
of cigars being easily found.
Martha, dost thou love me 2" asked
Quaker youth of one at whose shrine
his fondest hearts feelings had been
offered up. Why, Seth," answered
she, -" We are commanded to love one
another. are we not ?"" All, Martha
but dost thou regard me with that feel
ing the world calls love ?" hardly
know what to tell thee. Seth. have
tried to besto~ my love on all but
have sometimes thought perhaps tina,
thou vast getting more than thy share.
Conscience is great mystery. VIII.
lie," said . good mother to her naughty
little boy, when you went to the
cupboard to steal those tarts, weren't
yeu afraid of something?" Yes,
ma am, was the reply of the demure
youngster. Now was the time to en-.
force . moral lesson, and the mother
said :" w lille, what were you afraid
off" "Afrsid couldn't find the tarts, y
said w lille, who since that little cpl
sOde has become rich man.
In country choir, during the ser
mon, ono of the QUARTET fell asleep
Now's your chant oil" said the organ.
list to the soprano. SEQ If you can't
Gle the tenor" You wouldn't dare
duet" said the contralto. You'll
wake hymn up" suggested the bass.
could make better pun than that,
as sure as my names Psalm !" remark.
ed the boy that blew the bellows, but be
said 1t solo that no one quartet.
A gentleman dining at re, taurant
where walters were few and far
between, dispatched lad among them
| for q cut Of beef. After q long time the
lad returned. and was asked by the
faint and hungry gentleman "Areyou
the lad who took away my plate fol
this teef?" eyes, sir" Bless me, u
resumed the hungry wit, "how you
have grown /"
az don't care what anybody says, -
remarked Mrs. Fogg, warmly. "Mr.
Bolus is a good doctor, and shall en-
ploy him as long as live" Very
likely" replied Fogg. :" believe II
| Is the same with all his patients. They
all employ him as long as they live
that is to say, until he polishes
EN- of.
Ifthere Is anything that will make
. man cordially hate himself 1t is when
| he takes walk about a mile to the
post-office to find that he has left his
keys at home, aud then on going back
after them to find on opening the box
that the only thing in 1t is card mo-
Itifying him that his box rent Ia due.
A wealthy stock broker, passing
along the street. surprises . ten.year.
| old urohin with his hand in the stock.
brokers' pocket, attempting to perform
the hand kerohief trick. You young
scoundrel I" he exclaims, with severity,
" are you not ashamed of yourself to
Isteal-at your age ?"
In the midst of stormy discussion,
| at which Jerrold WAS present, gentle
man rose to settle the matter In dispute.
Waving his hands majestically, het .
gan Gentlemen, all l want Is COM
mon sense" Exactly" interrupt
ed Jerrold that is precisely what
YOU do want"