The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1884-01-18
TIE COWBOY.
Not such Terror as He Seems, says
the veraclous Bill Nye.

Sled COWBOY or the Wild West, that l
arise as one man to say few things
not in a dictatorial style, but regarding
this so-called or so-esteemed dry land
pirate, who, mounted on little cow |
pony and under the black flag sails out i
across the green surge of the plains to
scatter the rocky shores of time with
the bones of his fellow man.
A great many people wonder where
the cowboy, with his abnormal thirst
for blood, originated. Where did this
young Jesse James. with his CORY rec
ord and dauntless eye, come from?
Was he born in buffalo wallow at the
foot Of some rock-ribbed mountain, or
did he first breathe thin air along the
brink of an alkali pond, where the
horned toad and the centipede sang
him to sleep and the tarantula tickled
him under the chin with its hairy legs.
Careful research and the cold, hard
statistics show that the cowboy, as
general thing, was born in an unos-
tentious manner on the farm. hate
to sit down on beautiful romance and
squash the breath cut of romantic
dream; but the cowboy who gets too
much moist damnation into his system
and rides on gallop up and down
Main street shooting out the lights Of
the beautiful billiard palaces, would lie
just as unhappy if a mouse ran up his
pantaloon leg as you would. gentle
reader. He is generally a youth, who
thinks he will not earn his S25 per
month if he does not yell and whoop
and scare little girls into St. Vitus'
dance. I've known more cowboys to
injure themselves with their own re-
volvers than to injure any one else
This is evidently because they are more
familiar with the hoe than they are
with the Smith Il Wesson.
One night while l had rooms in the
business part of a territorial city in the
Rocky Mountain cattle country, was
awakened at about one o'clock, m, by
the most blood curdling cry of muir
derp 1 ever heard. 1t was murder
with a big NJ. Across the street, in
the bright light of restaurant. doz-
en- cowboys, with broad sombreros and
flashing silver braid, huge leather chap
erjas, Mexican spurs and orange silk
neckties, and with flashing revolyers,
were standing. 1t seemed that a big,
red faced Captain Kidd Of the band,
with his skin full of valley tan, had
marched into an ice cream resort with
a self-cocker in his hand, and ordered
the vanilla coolness for the gang. There
being a dozen young folks at the place,
mostly male and female, from neigh
boring hop, indulging in cream, the
prcprietor-a meek Norwegian, with
thin white hair-deemed it rude and
outre to do so. He said something to
that effect, whereat tho other eleven
men of alcoholic courage, let off a yell
that froze the cream into solid gla-
cier and shook two kerosene lamps
out of their sockets in the chandeliers.
Thereupon the little Norwegian
said:
"Gentlemans, | KANT neifer like dot
suuealinks and dot kaind of a tings,
and you fellers init dot ledder pantses
on and dot funny CLOSE and such a
tings like dot better keep kaind of
quiet, or l shall call up the policemen
nit my telephone"
Then they laughed at him and cried
yet again with loud voice.
This annoyed the ice cream agri'
culturist, and he took the old AK han
die that he used to jam the ice down
around the freezer with, and peeled :
large area of scalp off the leader.
dome of thought, and il hung dowr
over his eyes so that he could not SCI
to shoot with any degree of accuracy
After he had yelled 'murder!' three
, or four times he fell under an ice cream
table, and the mild-eyed Scandinavian
3 broke caster over the organ of self
> esteem, and poured red pepper ant
) salt and vinegar and Halford sauc
and other relishes on the place wher
the scalp was loose.
, This revived the brave but mur
/ derous COW gentleman and he begge
y that he might be allowed to go away.
The gentle superintendent of the tel
a stamp ice cream freezer then took th
, revolvers away from the bold buccan
/ eer and kicked him out through a show
q case, and saluted him with bouque
). of July oysters that suffered severel
q from malaria.
!. All cowboys are not sanguinary; bu
q out of twenty you will generally fin
# one who is brave when he has his re
n volveIs with him; but when he forge
q and left his shooters at home on th
q piano, the most tropical violet-eye
i. dude can climb him with the butt en-
~ of sunflower and beat his brains on
n and spatter them all over that schot