News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-03-06

| b LIZ
| A Typographical Mistake-Those Railroad
Men-An Act of Humanity-Only n Proof
Render-A Strange Arrest, Etc, Etc.
A TYPOGRAPHICAL MISTAKE.
eyes" said shabby dressed man,
"printers sometimes make very bad
blunders. 1t is to typographical mis-
take that I owe my present condition of
poverty"
elbow can that be ?" he was asked.
sIt was some years ago" he replied.
81 had Just embarked in the patent med
icine business, having discovered Won
derful remedy for general debility and
that sort of thing. I caused an adver-
tisement to be inserted in leading daily
paper. with the customary pictures be
fore and after taking, but L never sold
a bottle of the medicine, and IN two
weeks from the date of the first adver-
tisement the whole business was IN the
hands of the sheriff
"Well, what had typographical error
to do with your failure ?"
seThe printer got the words before
and after transposed, and L didn't no
tice the mistake"
WOULD NOT DO.
First Railroad Man-"What do you
think of the new patent railroad tattler,
which registers the speed of trains p
Second Railroad Mani have had
some experience with it, and think 1t
may do for through express trains. ;"
First r, M.-"Have you tried 1t on
accommodation trains?"
Second r. M.-"Yes, but it did not
give satisfaction. Long before we
reached the end of the first trip the ap-
paratus ceased registering"
First r. M.-"Indeed What stopped
/ it from working?"
Second r. M.-"Rust."
HUMANE ACT.
Western Railroad Superintendent-'1
want you to get up some sort OF signal
arrangement so that brakemen on
freight trains will be warned of the near
ness of cross-track bridges in time to
duck their heads.
Assistant-"You mean the bridges
which carry the wagon roads over our
track, of course.
| Superintendent-"C
Assistant-'It is very humane Of you
to take such step, as it will save the
lives of many brakemen.
Superintendent" tell the truth, L
was not looking at the matter in just that
light. You know the law compels us to
bnild those bridges ourselves to avoid
crossing at grade, and we run them up
just as cheap as possible"
Assistant-''Yes."
ntendent-''WeQ, l don't want
those bridges knocked over"
NO SENSE OF HUMoR.
| A gentleman in a street car, while
reading newspaper, discovered " par
aeraph that struck him as particularly
funny.
.Here is something good, )" he said tt
his neighbor, and he read the Item te
him.
} A tired look swept over the gentle
3 mans face, but he never smiled.
Presently the reader came across
/ another paragraph that tickled his fancy
81 will try him with this one' nj
said.
t He did so, and tear actually wellet
ont of his neighbors eye and courSe'
: slowly down his cheek. ,-
"Heayens, man !'' was the exclama
tion .swhat's the matter with you? HaV'
Won no sense of humor? What DO yo'
}, do TO pass away the time, anyway
d looking mournfully out OF the Wlndo7
: tbs stranger replied:
e 81 am a proofreader on a com1
: weekly" -
e .rYou say the officer arrested yo
e while you were quietly mindlng you
8 own business p
, eyes, your honor. He caught m
Is suddenly by the coat collar and threat
ened to strike me with his club unless
7. accompanied him to the station house.
ot "You we're quietly attending to you
n own business; making no noise or Oil
: turbance of any kind
70 "None whatever, sir.
sIt seems very strange. What
your business? !?
Tin burglar"
BUSINESS BRISK.
le Customer Business is brighten1n
% no some, isn't it ?"
/ Jobber in Brooms-'I should say s.
Ill Sold &c, 900 brooms this week"
y Customer--''Wher did they go to
ie Jobber-"All over the country. "
le oct orders from everywhere. One sma
% town bought2 900 forts street-cleaners
d Customer-''Did you sell any to tt
i Philadelphia Highway Department. 2
., Jobber- -"Oh, yes, one; and the
~ promised to call next year and bl
Y another"
HE HAD ENOUGH.
" ..Hov much are them quart ?"
~ eountryman asked as he picked up
20 strawberry from in front of fruit sto
M on Chestnut street and swallowed 1t.
On "Fifty cents piece.
oA "What ?" shouted the countrymen.
"Fifty cents piece. Try anothf
they're nice and fresh.
sNo," he replied, as he handed o'
in half dollar, GIVE had all the stra
me berries 1 want.
ew WHY HE JUMPED.
~. Mrs. D.-''What wonderful jump
ler the puma is T.
vas Mr.. D.-"What have you for
ne now?"
red Mrs. D.-"Here is an item which ST
'ne that "a puma in the Blue mountains
oy. Gently jumped 40 feet"
en- Mr.. D.-"Poor fellow! can sym
lie thize with him."
his Mrs. D.-"How is that ?"
bly, Mr.. D.-''Most likely the luckl
ur animal was searching for paregorlt
ing the dark and stepped on tack"
hill p,rp1or1su
few .,
VOW Ethel-'Isn't this funny?"
Mabel-"What, dear ?"
Ethel-''This in the paper about k
bev ing"
,,on MabeI-'I did not see it. !"
Ethel-"Why, DIR. Deems says t
kissing is n purely American habit.