The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1884-12-13
0ait and Yumor.
Meriky's Conversion-old Time Re-
ligion.

BROTHER SIMON say, Brewer Moses, |
| hearn you guv Meriky the ter'blest
beatin' las mite. Wat you an her hab
fallin' out about?
BROTHER MosEs.-Well, Brewer Simon,
you knows yourself 1 never has no objec-
ton to splanifying how l rules my folks
at home and Establishes order dar when it's
pintedly needed, and fore erasmus, Leah
you to say dis time ev 'twant needed, and
dat powerful bad.
You see, Use alters been plain, straight
sided niger, an haint never had no use
for new fandangles, let it be what it mout;
'ligion, pollytix, bizness-don't keer what.
Old Moses say: De ole way am de bes'
way, an you fellers OATS all runnin teetot-
lum crazy bout cherry new limerick OATS
started, better jes stay whar you is, and
let them things alone. But they won't do
it, no mount of preachin' won't sarve 'em.
And that is jes' at this particular pint dat
Meriky got dat dressin'. She done bin off
to Richmun Town a Twin in service dar
dis las winter, and Saturday week ago
she come home to make visit. Well, dat
was all good huff. Course we was all glad
to see our darter. But you b'leve dat gal
hadn't turned stark bodily naked fool p?
Yes, sir; she wasn't no more like de Meriky
dat done went away jes' few months ago
dan chalk's like cheese Oar she cum in
wild her close pinned tite huff to hinder
her from settin', and her hair a danglin'
right in her eyes, jes' for all de worr like
sheep lookin' fru a brush pile, an you
think she hain't forgot how to talk? She
jes' rolled up her eyes at cherry oder word an
famed an talked like she spected to die
de mex bref Shed toss dat mush head OBJ
hern and try to talk proper as to dixunarys.
Stead OBJ she calm of me daddy an her
mudder nanny, she say Par and mar, how
can 20 bear to reside in such one-hoss
town as this? Oh l think should die.
l jes' stared at dat gal till make her out,
an says l to myself, 'It's got to come
but | don't say nothin' to nobody bout it
all de same | know'd it had to come fus'
as las. Well, jes let her hab more rope,
as de sayin' is, till she got whar 'cluded
was bout de end OBJ her tedder. Dat were
on las Sunday mornin', when she went to
meetin' in such a rig, putin on airs till
she couldn't keep straight track. When
she coined home she brung kumpny wild
her, an OBJ course l couldn't do nuthin'
then; but l jes' kept my ears open, and eff
dat gal didn't disqualify me dat day you
can have my hat Bime-by dey all gifts to
talkin' bout 'ligion an de chu' ches, and
den one young fellow he steps up, an says
he, "Miss Meriky, glib us your 'pinion bout
de matter" Wild dat she flung up her
head proud as Queen Victory, an says
she, Il takes no intelligence in sich mat
tiers; dey is all too common for me. Bap-
tisses is foot or two below my grade.
tends de Piscolopian chu oh whar resides,
an spects to jine dat one de mex anniver-
sary of de bishop. Oh, dey does eberyting
so lubly, and in SO much style. | declar,
nobody but common folks in de city goes
to de Baptiss chu'ch. 1t made me sick at
my stomach to see so much shoutin' and
groanin dis mawnin', tbs so ungenteel wild
US to make so much sarcumlocutions in
meetin." And thar she went on gyratin
bout the preacher acomin' out in a white
shirt, and den arunnin' back an gittin on
black one, an de people ajumpin up an
ajawin' at the preacher outen book, and
abowin' oh dar heads, and asayin' OBJ long
rigmaroles OBJ stuff, till my head ia ifly
buzzed, an war dat mad at de gal | jes'
couidr't see .nuffiHin dat ROOM Well, |
jes' waited till the kumpny riz to go, and
den | steps up, an says |, "Youug folks,
you needn't let what Meriky told you bout
dat chu oh put no change inter you. She's
sorter out OBJ her right mind now, but de
mex time you comes she'll be all right on
dat an seberal odder subjecks'' And den
dey stared at Meriky mighty hard, an goes
away.
Well | jes' walks up to her and l says
'Darter,' says 1, what chu'ch are dat you
say you gwine to jine?' and says she, very
prompt like, DE Pisclopian, Par and says
l, Meriky, Use mighty consumed about
YOU, kase l knows your mind amt right,
an l shall jis hab to bring you round de
shortest way possible So 1 fetch me a
fine bunch of hick ries l done prepared for
dat casion. An den she jumped up, an
says she, what makes you think 1 los my
senses? 'Bekase, darter, you done forgot
how to walk, and to talk, and dem is sure
signs, and wild dat 1 jest let in on her, till
l stonished her considerable Fore
were done wild her she got ober dem dyin'
airs, an jumped as high as a hoppergrass.
Bime-by gins to holler, ooh, Lordy dad
dy daddy don't Glib me no morer An
says I, You're improvin', OATS fac
done got your nat'ral voice back. What
chu'ch does you long to Meriky?' And
says she, a-cryin, Il don't long to non,
Par
Well l glib her annodder leetle fetch,
an says 1, what chu'ch does you long to
darter?' an says she all choked like, Il
doesn' long to none Den 1 jes' makes
dem hick' ries ring for bout five minutes,
and den l say, what chu'ch does you long
to now Meriky?' An says she fairly shout
in, 'Baptiss, Use a deep-water Baptiss.
Berry good, says l, you don't spect to
hab yeur name tuck often dem chu'ch
booksP An says she, No. sar; | allus did
despise dem stuck up Piscolopians; dey amt
got no 'ligion, nohow
Brewer Simon, you neber see gal so
helpen by good genteel thrashin' in all
your days. | bound she won't never
stick her nose in dem new fandangale
clutches no more. Why, she jes' walks as
straight dis mornin' and looks as peart as
a sunaower. I'll lay tenpence she'll be
a-singin before night dat good old hymn
she usened to be so fond OBJ. You,
knows, brewer Simon, how de words run
"Baptis, Baptis', is my name.
My names written on high;