Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-06-02
LIFE INSURANCE AGENTS.
BY DAVID HILL.

I respect the vocation of any man
if it is strictly honest. There is one
honest vocation, however, for which
/ must say my respect dwindles down
to a sky-blue transparency. In fact,
if | am capable of exercising my own
judgment, it receives my unprejudic-
ed antipathy. This vocation is that
which is pursued by the indefatigable
life insurance agent, and which he
never forgets to press upon an indi-
vidual at all hours, and in all places.
When [ am approached by one of
this fraternity l always throw all
business aside and prepare for mis-
cry. Any other class of agents can
be disposed of in the original way.
/ can shut the door in their faces,
and not feel any conscientious scru-
pies gnawing at my vitals. | can
bring the dog into requisition, and
feel that | have done an act for
which | should be eXtoled or | can
tell them / have been exposed to a
malignant kind of small poX, and it
has the desired effect. Life insur-
ance agents are not of this kind Of
material. In the first place, they
look too ministerial to be treated to a
catapult expulsion. Then again, one
scrutinizing glance of their eye will
wither up the surliest dog that ever
attempted a moonlight bark and
against all diseases they are as proof
as asbestos against fire. How they
will install themselves into the good
graces of q man so as to allure him
away from all business for hours at
a time is something | don't under
stand. But it is sad and solemn
fact that they can. have listened
to their long -winded oratory for a
full half day, with my face all plas-
tered with smiles, and felt all the
while like pulverizing them, and scat
tering their ashes to the four winds
of heaven.
Once, it was my opinion that the
book agent was the greatest pest that
ever haunted a civilized community.
| believed that the doggerels and
lampoons that were written against
them, were too tender for their indo-
mitable cheek. But to-day it is my
opinion that the book agent has been
grossly abused. When he has wound
through all the sinuosities of his book
in regular order, and asked you to
subscribe, his work is complete. His
story is told and he becomes a use
less ornament. With the life insur-
ance agent this is not the case. His
story is a serial one, and is never con-
cluded until he has conquered his
victim. He can branch out from any
particular point of his subject, and
continue it down into the illimitable,
hence, any attempt to argue with hin
is absolutely futile; in fact, it is
dangerous. He will talk you dowr
to lamb-like docility in fifteen min
utes; and if he don't conquer you il
the end, and attach a five Thousand
dollar policy to your shoulder straps
it is because he has discovered al
empty pocket-book, or some heredi
tary ailment that completely bars yol
out of his jurisdiction.
| have been interviewed by severa
of these agents during the past eigh
years, and as yet, each one has ha(
no difficulty in convincing that hi:
company was the best. Once ;
Connecticut Mutual agent talked mi
into a comatose state by well regu
lated argument which nearly won M
over to his persuasion. l saved my
self, however, by awakening to tn
fact that cash down was their system
and no trust. Once Phoenix agen
convinced me that his company wa
the star around which all other
revolved as satellites; and | tol,
him / was his, body and soul
when the eventful period should al
rive. Afterward an agent of tn
Travellers knocked me down with a
argument that his company towere
head and shoulders above all Others
and was SO thoroughly convince
that l came near taking ten thous
and dollar policy on the spot. M
t better Judgment prevailed however
r and I was saved. A few days sine
t an agent of one of those co-operativ
associations entered my office, whe
t he departed, he had my promise tina
5 inside of three months he might gath
er myself and family under the she
t ter of his expansive wings; he migf
have succeeded in this had not a
!. agent of the Manhattan or New Yor
4 life, or some other company, convinc
/, ed me Of my mistake. The resu
+ was, [ abdicated from the co-operat
e i've, and placed my promise in th
hands of the latter agent, and now
am anxiously waiting for the next.
!, do not say shall never be il
sured, continual bombardment wi
destroy the strongest fort and fe'
myself crumbling away; somebod
, is going to rake me in !; this is fat
: of which I am fully convinced.
any company has an extra ager
knocking about, who is longing for
job, just express him into my offic,
he will be gladly received. / woul
much rather, though, have repre-