The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-06-06

"Naouw. ! jest reckon look gol
dang good" remarked the old farmer
in front of Monroe avenue clothing
house, as he picked up . woman's
straw hat and put it upon his head.
The old mans bump Of firmness was
quite prominent and his unusual head
adornment just about fitted that pro-
lection of his Uranium. The brim of
his garish and rather startling haiti
was of solferino shade-swung around
wildly in . light breeze and stirred up
the old mans gray locks. Then he
looked the article over critically, as he
removed it from his head.
.Gettin' wuss and wuss." he con-
tinued; "naouw when was young the
boys Just thought they were . fiy;n'
high II they got suit Of homespun and
. cheap straw hat with big plaids. An
each hat was good fur four years. In
these days they're gettin' things like
these, and get two or three every year.
But I've got eighty acres of the best
land layin' out doors down in Macomb
County, and rather reckon can keep
up with the procession. I'll just buy
one of these for every one Of the boys
and myself. too. and we'll cut q great
wide swath of envy 'mong the neigh
bors."
The old man had evidently been on
familiar terms for . few hours with the
muscular book beer. and after going
down in several rounds, came up still
in the ring but decidedly leary.
I'm the Pathmaster of the Twenty
ninth District of my town, and l can
keep up my end Of the log with the
best of 'em," he said to the dude clerk
who came promptly to the front to do
the honors for his customer. He looked
rather doubtful ut the queer outfit on
the old mans head. and was reminded
forcibly of the end man in the last min
strel show he had wasted his substance
on-in the act where the end man had
gagged the audience by tying an infant
plug on the apex of his head.
Wrestling with his desire to laugh, the
clerk said: "What can l do for youp"
"I'd like to have green hat tor Bill.
q yellow one for Tom, blue one for
Sam. and the red un for myself. How
much do you charge for emp
MY dear SIR" said the polite clerk,
''those hats" Fat.rH -D.
Think 1 can't pay for 'em, eha"
And In about q second the ancient pion-
eer pulled out of his trousers pocket q
sweat and time-worn pocket-book cir
cumnavigated by Irvine sixteen times.
but which padded out between the
Irvine ut every point, and looked as
though the owner had just sold his
whest crop. He unwound it, and q suo-
cession of bills of high denomination
doomed up. Il rather think Pm good
for the BILL" the old man continued,
nearly falling over rs he wound tho
wallet up sgain. gro
Il didn't mean that, but, sir--but-
but-but those are ladies' hats-hadn't
you better get something else?"
The clerk thought it was . cyclone
that landed him with ''dull thud" all
in heap behind the counter. But 1t
wasn't. The hilarious hayseed STUN
bled forward the moment the words
were out Of the gentlemanly clerks
mouth, and swung his toil-toughened
fist, awkwardly but with sufficient pre-
cision, against the nose Of the clerk.
The blow sounded like the chug of .
and the young man tum-
bled like brick block.
Elm little tew old tew be fooled
with by any city chap that's bin dug
tew early. As though l didn't know
them want wimmins hats!" And the
old man went out, at q high pitch of
indignation, wearing away his gaudy
head gear, the same unpaid for.
When the gentlemanly clerk recov-
cred sufficiently to sit up and look
around in dazed sort of way his en-
ployer further paralyzed him by saying
excitedly:
"Your serfices vos not vonted cen
dose places no longer. How you zup-
pose dot / bays taxes midowd some
zales vos got disclosed Off Der vos
two hundred Der sent lost on dose bots.
Mein Gott! peesnees vos all broken up
NIT desc gchumps of CLERKS. Bedder l
make . assignment. Dose vas always
Won good eenvestment. You vos dis
charged onless you would like to work
py me for twenty-five per cent. of your
present zalary. Dose vos more as you
vos wort. but 1 vos liberal employer"
Il 90