Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1884-08-26
ROLAND IND DIANA.

r ROLAND and DIANA.
A wit among the students of the
Rochester Theological Seminary has con
trived the following love tale, the chic!
interest Of which will be found
to lie in the assemblage of word,
liable to be mispronomced. Worces.
ter's Dictionary is the standard,
the pronunciation first given in
that volume being always the one to
decide. Let our readers try this puzzli
in orthoepy:
Roland and Diana were lovers. Diana
was ephemeral but comedy, hypochond-
riacal but not lugubrious, didactic but
not dishonest, nor given to ribald or
truculent grimaces. Her pedal extremi-
ties were perhaps triile too large for
playing organ pedals successfully, ht
her heart was not at all adamantinc, and
her address was peremptory without be-
ing difluse. On the whole she might
well become the inamorata of one retired
to some quiet vicinage away from tho
squalor and clangor, the dissonance and
contllmely, of great metropolis.
Roland, on the other hand, WAS of y
saturnine countenancc, at once splenetic
and combative in disposition, so that
his wassails and orgies were almost mani
acal in their details. lie was telegrn.
pher by profession, having received
diploma from Caius College, but as-
srandiled his stipend by dabtlinG in
phll"l"ssN, "sth""ly uni laol"gy lurin.
his lriSnrt hours, So lhat h- Mas accused
al ieti'h,m mo tcr.iyer>Ntiun by his
patrons.
SIN lbs uculAen AMI plescleHce We're
such that only misogyuist would dis
Germ that he was an aspirant for the gal
lows. His acetic, rnther than ascetic,
nature apparently inclined him TO visit
n chemical laboratory, well filed with
apparatus, to which he had access,
whence he often returned with globules
of iodine and albumen on his caoutchouc
shoes, which subjected him to the risk
of numerous alterations with his land
lady, a virago and pythoness in one, and
with the servant her, accessory or ally.
Roland had, however, become accli-
mated to his place, received everything
with equability, reclined upon the dlvan
while he contemplated the elysium where
Diana dwelt, and addressed donative
distichs to her in the subsistence of the
raillely
There was certain diocesan who ell.
deavored to dispossess Roland in the
affections of Diana, but he was eneryated
by bronchitis, laryngitis and diphtherin,
which on their subsistence left his carotid
artery in an apparently lethargic oon-
dition. He had sent Diana ring set
with onyx, chalcedonic variety OF stone,
and once hung placard where he knew
she would see it from her easement, but
she steadily rejected his overtures, aud
ogled him as if he were dromcdary.
The diocesan betook himself to absolut-
DRY prayers, but continued his digres-
sions and inquiries.
Roland became cognizant Of his amour
and armed with Mithe inveigled him
into kind OF designation beneath jas
mine, where he inveighed against this
"Gay Lothario," who defended himself
with falchion until Roland disarmed
him, houghing his palfrey withal. After
the ioust the prebendary abjectly apollo
gized, albeit in a scarcely respirable con-
dition, then fastened to the pharmacutic's
aerie for copaiba, morphine and quinine,
and was not seen again until the next
! Michaelmas.
Roland returned on Thanksgiving day,
took an inventory Of his possessions,
which consisted of large quantity OF
almond cement, package Of envelopes,
n dish Of anehovy sauce, tame falcon,
n book on acoustics, miniature of a
mirage, treatise on the epizootio, a
stomacher lined with sarcenet, cere-
ment Of sepulture, a cadaver and o
bomb.
The next day the hymeneal rites
were performed, and Diana became
thenceforth his faithful coadjutant and
housewife.