The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-01-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Der true tails-Hair
A deer child-A fawn.
Coats of arms--Sleeves.
Flooral observation-disclosures.
A stuck-up mantle taffy maker
The poets scorner" in a newspaper
is usually the editor. Rochester Express
Niagara falls. Well, you wouldn't ex-
pect it to run up hill, would you9-
Rochester Post
A joint resolution-The determination
of the landlady to have leg of mutton
for dinner --LoueU Courier.
The use of alligator leather has be-
come SO general that it causes the
slaughter, every year, of 5000, 900 pigs.
--Peck's Sun.
The Washington Hatchet announces
that prose and verse will be paid for at
the regular rates, and that 1.-THE rate for
verse is death"
Barnum's white elephant cost him
5000, 900. Many more costly white ele-
plants have been owned in this country.
-Lo,ceU Courier.
A Frenchman is teaching a donkey to
talk. What we want in this country is
a man who will teach donkeys not to
talk. Boston Post.
"Dig him out! Dig him Quit" said
the wife of the man who got buried by
caving WE'LL hes got at least six
dollars in his pocket"
The London World tells of a new con-
trivance to make ladies taller. The ladies
have contrivances enough for making
men short - Men York UOyI1
Professor Swing says that 'poetry
arises from the fact that a man likes to
see two things at once" And yet all
inebriates are not poets. GTaphic.
You can rent sealskin sacque in
Chicago for fifty dollars a season. This
is cheaper than house rent, for woman
can live in a sealskin sacque on the
street all winter.
An exchange advises bread and milk
poultices as a cure for scratches. Young
husbands will do well to note this down
in their diaries, for future reference
Burlington Free Press.
Making young man a clerk in a dry
goods store, it is said, knocks all thoughts
of matrimony out of his head. He not
only learns what it costs to dress a woman,
but he realizes how they can talk
The christening of an infant archduch-
ess of Austria occurred lately. The fact
came by cable. The name of the royal
infant will be sent over by steamer as
soon as the royal secretaries get it copied.
In railway carriage: Guibollard
asks, very politely, Madame, does smok-
ing trouble your "Oh, yes, monsieur;
not ordinarily, but to-day" "Ahi
madame" replies Guibollard, in a very
sympathetic tone, chow much you are
about to suffer-
Yes" said one tramp to another, I've
got tired of packing around from one
hotel to another and I've taken fiat.
Fine air good view of the river, plenty
of room and privilege of the bath, but
come down and see for yourself, and he
led the way to water-logged coal barge.
Saturday Night
Are poets tickle and inconsistent Are
they sordid. selfish. ungratcful. and like
the cold and hcartlcss, dull and prOsaic
world which surrounds them? Why did
Ella Wheeler write Il do not love him
in the old fond way or if she must
write it, why did she wait till the ice
cream season was overt ChicGg0 Sun.
The least destructiblc portion of the
human body is the hair In Egypt it
has been known to survive 1000 years.
And the Egyptian were not as careful of
their hair, either, as are the women of the
present day. They never took it off at
/ night and hung it over the back of
chair to prevent it from getting worn out.
/ -Norristeicn Herald.
/ Il know" said little Chicago girl to
her elder sisters young man, at the sup
per table, that you will join our society
/ for the protection of little birds, because
mamma says you are very fond of larks."
/ The youth promptly handed over five
/ dollar note as an initiation fee, and
/ thinks in due time he will be full
fledged ornithoogical Humanitarian
/ Chicago Telegram.