davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
The Theater Fool.

The fool sometimes goes to the thea
ter, and as often as he does he falls to
wondering at what he sees and hears.
People are supposed to go and see and
hear the play. They may not care for
it after all, sometimes because it is not
worth caring for, and frequently be-
cause they are incapable of appreciat-
ing what is beautiful and good. But
what right have these people, in either
case, to disturb others, who also go to
see and hear, who have paid their money
for their privilege, and who are entitled
to it? How can they be so careless Of
the rights of others? And yet they
are-for you hardly sit through a
performance without being disturbed
by the idiotic conversation of some of
your neighbors. The papers have
pitched into this nuisance time and
again, but there are evidently many
people who go to theaters who do not
read the papers. ChdT.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

A rather subdued stranger entered
an Austin restaurant, and, taking seat
near the door, was soon confronted by
a waiter, to whom he communicated his
order. The meal was soon before him,
smoking hot, and, as the waiter was
about to withdraw, the stranger said:
"Er-see here; there are no flies in
this coffee"
Files O, no, sir" replied the man
with Masonic apron, and a napkin
over his shoulder
II had expected to meet them here
in fact, L had halfway promised to-
why, Heavens! fail to recognize my
old barleysoup friend, the cockroach!"
There are no cockroaches in this
house, sir" said the waiter, sternly.
"And so the roach, too, has deserted
us. Well, wei. Say, where's the
limp, wet napkin, with prune sauce on
one side, and sweet oil ON the other?"
"Our napkins are all fresh and newly
laundried"
Strange, tbs passing strange.
Where's the variegated tablecloth that
looked like Dolly Warden dress pat
tern done up N coffee dregs aud mo-
lasses?"
"Our table spreads are clean every
day, sir"
well, we'll" Suddenly the man
commenced spearing around in the but
ter dish with his fork. Il don't find it, "
be murmured, sadly.
Don't find what?" snapped the
waiter.
HAS she gomez"
"Has who gomez
"The bright-eyed divinity who used
to conceal samples of her auburn ring
lets every morning under the butter
lump. She knew always looked for
ward with pleasure to those little me-
mentos."
Our butter has no hair"
Il see," sighed the man. Bald as a
door knob. Hasn't there been some
kind of a change in the management of
this place."
yes"
"All of the dear, old, familiar land
marks seem to have disappeared. Is
this menagerie?"
mo, that's biscuit"
Sure enough
"Ah, distinctly remember-it was only last De-
cember-
That coolly, calmly fonded such biscuit
DER, and DER:
Then ] broke the cover of it. and may be
called false prophet,
II a baked and blistered mouse did not roll
out upon the floor.
We have previously stated that the
subdued stranger was seated near the
door, and it was a good thing for him
that he was. The waiter made one
wild break, but the subdued anticipator
of a hearty meal fed.-Terds SiftingS.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

There was great duchess who said
to neighbor, when there's only my
lord and 1, we have always a dish of
roast" The story is well known OF
George ~. sending away splendid
dinner and dining off beans and bacon.
The Duke of Wellington could dine
very heartily on mutton chop, and, in
fact, did not appreciate anything be-
yond it. There is great nobleman
who is careful to have magnificent
dinner every day, but he frequently
dimes off an apple, and, from his theory
of health, wishes his own family to par
take as slightly as possible of the good
things outspread on the bounteous
board. / was talking one day with a
worthy Carthusian monk who dined
habitually on an apple and biscuit.
He explained to me that what people
called hunger about o'clock was only
little acidity left by the MONDAY meal.
Many experienced stagers, who study
dietetic science, out of big menu pick
up very little dinner, and complain,
in fact, that they make q very poor
dinner, because there are only few
perfectly natural items. OF course a
man ought to know how both to abound
and to be in want; but confess to a
British prejudice in favor of heartily
enjoying a good dinner. London So
aiofl.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
A Neat Capture.

One of the incidents that were often
repeated with lively jest and caused
many an evening laugh TO ring among
those stubborn hills, even during the
darkest, dreariest and hardest days that
we passed in trenches during the siege
of Vicksburg, ran thus:
One night after Logan's men had
worked their approach up to the foot
of the rebel works in front of them,
they discovered the Coz federates at
work inside bringing up bales of cotton
to repair the damage our artillery bad
done to their works. Among the Union
soldiers was q Yankee sailor who had
been, as he claimed, "all over creation
and the rest of the world" and who
"could do little of everything, and n
thing or two besides" He suggested
the plan, which was quickly indorsed
by his merry comrades, of trying to
steal the cotton away from the rebels.
The suggestion was promptly acted
upon. Some graphing hooks with
long rope attached were pro-
cured. Placing the rope in the
they would be ready to give sudden
pull at the right time. the .sailor-boy
soldier gave the graphing hooks the
proper swing, and cast them over the
walls of the rebel fort. As the hooks
struck inside he cried to the boys who
had hold of the rope to pull like h--lp
which Of course they did with lively
zeal. The first pull showed that the
merry experiment had succeeded. a re-
suit they had hardly expected. The
hook had evidently actually caught
firm hold of bale of cotton. The wild
cry that arose from the bewildered and
astonished rebels. and the tenncity with
which they hung to the end of the line,
showed that they we're not well pleased
to see their cotton climb over into the
Union lines in that manner. Those
nearest ut hand had caught hold and
were doing their best. but band of
terror-stricken rebels made but poor
show when pulling on q rope against
twenty wild, enthusiastic Yankee boys.
With a cry of triumph the Union soldiers
brought the rope, graphing hooks,
cotton and all over the walls of the
rebel fort and down into the Union
trench. Their surprise was now un-
bounded, TO find that instead OF a bale
of cotton, as they supposed, they had
actually caught and brought over n
rebel Lieutenant. The graphing hooks
had firmly caught in his clothing, aud
be was obliged to come over. He was
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
A Reliable Carrier.

A business man near the foot OF
Woodward avenue had three or four
important letters to mail one day, and
as an acquaintance was going up Girls
void street he asked him TO drop them
into the Postoifice.
The mission was cheerfully accepted,
and yesterday the acquaintance hap
pened in az the Office again for the first
time since that date
"Say, Ben" began the dealer, "do
you ever forget anything?"
Never was the prompt reply.
DO you remember the letters L gave
you to mail one day last month ?"
Perfectly"
and you mailed them?"
Il did"
please feel in your left-hand coat
tail pocket and see if they are not
there"
I'll feel. but / remember posting
those letters as plainly as / remem-
Der -"
He felt something and began to haul
up, and out came four letters, crumpled
and soiled and worn.
Il thought so.
We'll, by gosh"
AND the money / gave you to buy
stamI4'
BLESS NEEDLESS me-did L ever |!
Say, / had that coat on that day to go
to funeral, and I'll be hanged if /
didn't forget to go to that, too DE
trOu Free Press.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
A Wife's Admiration.

Sir Arthur Wellesley, before he be-
came the Duke of Wellington, married
a charming Irish lady, Catherine PAX
enham. They had been long attached
to each other, and the marriage took
place just after he had returned from
his brilliant career in India. During
his absence of eleven years she never
once wrote to him, yet her affection was
constant.
When Lady Wellesley was presented
to Queen Charlotte, her Majesty said,
II am happy to see at my court so
bright an example of constancy. But
did you really never write one letter to
Sir Arthur during his long absence?"
NO, never, your Majesty"
And did you never think of him ?"
yes, your Majesty, very often"
She was proud of her husbands repu-
tation, but prouder of the fact that he
merited it, Just before her death, she
was visited by friends who found her
lying on q sofa in n room filled with the
magnificent presents of cities, kingdoms
and sovereigns. When the visitors
gazed upon them with admiration, the
Duchess exclaimed, with weak voice /:
"All tributes to merit There's the
valuel All pure, no corruption sus-
pected event. That could not be said of
the Duke of Marlborough Youths
Companion.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
Regularity Brings Nigor.

Local Irregularities produce weakness of the
entire system. In order, therefore, u re-estab-
lish health and strength upon a sure basis, these
irregularities must be permanently overcome.
Many persons endeavor TO reform them by rem
edles which address themselves merely TO the
symptoms without affecting the cause. If such
individuals were TO use instead Hostetter' s
Stomach Bitters, they would speedily appreciate
the difference between the medicine which pal
hates, and one which entirely removes physical
disability. That prime regulator of bodily dis
turbances re stores the derelict organs TO an I'M
interrupted and healthy performance Of their
various duties, whereby alone the system can
recover its lost tone and vigor. Hostetter g
Stomach Bitters are tonic medicine, but they
are tonic which regulates ere they strengthen
the syetem.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

DIR. w. ID. Wright, Cincinnati, o., sends the
subjoincd professional Endorsement; have
prescribed DIR. Vim. Halls Dalsam for the
Lungs i'm great number of cases, and always
with success One case in particular was
given up by several physicians who had been
called in for consultation with myself. The
patient had all the symptoms OF confirmed
night sweats, hectic fever,
hnrassiny cough, etc. He commenced Inn
medlately To get better, and was soon re-
stored 70 hts usual health. found DIR. VIM.
Halls Balsam for the Lungs the most valu-
able expcctorant for breaking up distressing
coughs ana colds.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

hurt considerably, but with good and
proper care at the hands of his captors
soon recovered, but insists that he can
not understand how he happens to be
on our side of the line. This incident
is insisted upon SO strongly that we are
almost compelled to believe that in the
main it is true. There is only one
matter of doubt:
1t is well known that Logan's sol
diers are not only famous fighters but
also capital story-tellers. 1t would be
hard to find boys that do more fighting
and have more fun than they.-From
"Araay Life" by H. o. Marshall
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

Joshua Peterson, colored man who,
ulrectly after the war, recognized the
Importance Of educating his children,
sent his daughter to refined school
where she graduated with distinction.
Shortly after she returned home, q
smooth-looking barber began to visit
her. One day she went out to the
field where her father was gathering
corn. and calling the old man, said:
Father
"Yas, chile stopping with IN ear of
corn in his hand.
HAS Mr.. Sheppard seen your"
"Doan know whuder he's seed me er
not, but doan think dat Use seed
him."
SWELL, father, Mr.. Sheppard is my
lover, and L didn't know but he had
come to ask you for me.
dis Is news ter me-" said the old
man. farming the ear of corn around |;
"whut sorter man is he. chile?"
"A nice man. pa"
O. q wife?'
"Oh, yes, pa.
"Whut ken he do?"
"Oh, he can do anything. He writes
such delightful poetry"
"Uh, huh; wall, whut else ken he
do?"
why he sings charmingly."
He do, do he; whut else?"
He is also an excellent scholar. He
was educated at a college"
Dat fack? Fine man, amt he ?"
"Oh, he's a wonderful man"
Use glad o. it."
And he's so heightened, too.
WY dat fills me wild JOY"
"Yes, and he is such an elegant con-
versationalist, said the delighted girl.
..I'se monstrous proud o. dat fack, |"
replied the old man, throwing the ear
of corn on the pile Use alters been
afeerd dat yer wouldn't marry dat sorter
man."
II am so glad to hear you speak so,
father, and L know James will thank
you from the bottom of his heart.
"Yas, chile, vas. What udder hume
rations is de young man got?
"Yeu should say what other accom-
piishments, father"
"Uh, huh, dat's so. Forgot my Cog
rafy dat time"
Your grammar, you mean, father.
"Yas, chile. my grammar Mans
knowledge o de polar circles sometimes
slips up on him.
~Oh, yonder he is at the house, ia
ther. Come, L want you to meet him.
know that you have seen him maLy
time, but want you to meet him as my
accepted saitor, and to tell him how
rr1o Il no 10 20
your family
The old fellow accompanied his
daughter to the house. The girl
promptly presented her lover.
Done gederin' yer corn yit?" the old
man asked.
Why, my dear sir, I have no corn to
gather"
"Put up yer faten' hogs yit?"
Il have no fattening hogs" the as
tonished young man replied.
"Uh, huh. Dun sowed yer wheat, /
recIin?"
MY dear sir, I have No wheat to
SOW"
"Uh. huh. Got through wild yer fall
plowin'?"
Father said the girl, che is not a
farmer"
"Uh, huh. What does he do?"
II am barber, sir"
"Uh, huh. Slaves, reckon. Wall,
I'd like fur yer tar shave my mule.
He's got suthin' de matter wild his ha'r.
Airter dat come heah, an I'll gin We de
wust thrashen' yer eber had. I'll larn
yer ter write po'try an sing. Come er
sipgin' roun' heah any mo- an I'll fling
yer ober de fence 'mung de hogs. /
Understands yer Knockin' 'roun' heah
jes' ter git me ter sport yer. Gro on
away, de faster de better. Talk ter me
bout q niger whut sings an writes
potry. TrdUeIer.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
Their Name is Legion.

Lcgions of people have had their lives made
miserable by Piles. This painful difficulty 10
often induced and always aggravated by Con
stpation. Kidney-WOrt is the great remedy
for all affections of this kind. IL acts IS n
gentle cathartic, promotes a healthy action
of the bowels, and soothes and heals the in
famed surfaces. IL has cured hundreds OF
cases where all other remedies and applica-
tons have failed. Sold by all druggists
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
Indorsed hy the Clergy.

We take pleasure I'm recommending DIR.
Warmers White Wine OF Tar syrup to any
public speaker that may be troubled with
throat or lung disease.
Rev. NJ. J.. Booher. pastor Prest yterian
church, Heading, Mich. Rev. j. T. lddings,
Albion, Mich. Rev. V. J.. Lockwood, Ann
Arbor Mich.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

BIEBER, CAL.-Mr. Thomas =. Ford,
editor of the Mountain Tribune, of this
place, publishes that the great pain-cure,
st. Jacobs Oil, has worked wonders in his
family, and that he would not be without it.
He states that among all the people st. ia
cobs Oil is the most popular medicine ever
introduced
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
..Put up. mt the Gault House.

The business man or tourist will find first
class accommodations nj the low price of So
and SIS per day at the Gault House. Chca-
20, corner Clinton and Madison streets. This
far-famed hotel is located in the center Of the
city, only one block from the Union Depot
Elevator; all appointments first-class.
III. w. HoYT. Proprietor.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

Progressive dairymen who are only salts
fed with the best results, are adding to their
wealth and comforting "a benefit on society,
by the rapid improvements they are making
I'm the art of buttcr-making. This class use
Wells, Richardson & Co.'S Improved Butter
Color, and know by actual test that 1t fills
every claim made for H.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

POVERTY is uncomfortable, but nine
times out of ten, the best thing that can
happen to n young man is TO be tossed
overheard aud compelled TO sink or.
swim for himself.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

e1-FITTEp OUT FOR THE SEAsoS.-Dresses,
cloaks, coats, stockings, and oil garmSpts
can be colored successfully with the Diamond
Dyes. Fashionable colors. Only lOc at drug
gists Wells, Richardson q Co., Burlington, VI.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
CarlO-lines.

The winter blast is stern and cold,
Yet summer has 4 IS harvest gold;
And the baldest head that ever Was seen
Can be covered well with Carboline.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

'DR. RICHMoND's Samaritan Nerpin6 cured
me of Epilepsy. Suites, st. Joseph,
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

CHAPPED Hands, Face. Pimpies, and rough
Skin, cured by using JUNIPER TAR SOAP. made
by CAswEII, HAzARD & Co. New York
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

NOT n costly medicines doses Piso's euro
for Consumption for % cents.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

"YOU claim too much for Samaritan Ncrr-
| inc" says IA skeptic. Its patrons say just the
| if.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

THE husband is called the head of the
family only by those young writer's who
haven't had any experience in married life.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

A MARRIED woman can write better poetry
than single one, because poet is born, not
maid.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
Dairymen Getting Rich.

WHY is n leaky tub like poor rule? Be-
cause il won { hold good.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

WHY is leaky tub like poor rule? BE
cause II doesn't hold good.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

/ HAD suffered from Catarrh for ten years;
the pain would be so severe that was obliged
10 send for doctor. had entirely lost sense
of smell. Ely's Cream Balm BIAS worked q
miracle.-C. :. HALLEys, Bingffamton, N. Y.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

How SINGULAR that a baby's lst 9Th should
come 4th.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

PURE Cod-Laver OF, made from selected
livers on the ses-shore, by OAswEII., HAZARD
a Co, New York 1t is absolutely pure aud
sweet Patients who have once taken IL
prefer it to oil others Physicians have de
cided it superior to any Of the other oils in
mnrkef
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

The dark age: A woman between 25 and
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

FoR several years 1 was troubled with Ca
tarrh; have tried many remedies. Ey's Cream
Balm has proved the article desired. lbelieve
IL IL the only cure.-L. b. COBURN, Hardware
Merchant, Towanda, Pa. (Sec ADVERTISEMENT
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
CONSUM PTION.
Delicate and Feeble Ladies.

Delicate and Feeble Ladies.
Those languid, tiresome sensations caus-
ing you to feel scarcely able to be on your
feet; that constant drain that is taking from
your system all its former east city; diving
the bloom from your cheeks; that continual
strain upon your vital forces renderfnggou
irritable and fretful, can easily be removed
by the use OF that marvellous remedy, Hop
b tiers Irregularities and distractions OF
your system are relieved at once, while the.
special cause of periodical pain are perma-
nently removed None resolves so much
benefit and none are so profoundly grateful
and show such an interest in recommending
Hop Bitters as women.
Feels Young Again.
@My mother was afflicted long time with
Neuralgia and dull, heavy, inactive condi-
ton of the whole SYSTEM headache, nerv-
ous prostration and was almost helpless
No physician or medicines did her any rood
Three months ago she began to use Hop
Bit.ers with such good effect that she seems
and feels young again, although over 20
years old We think there is no other med
icine fit TO use in the famly-"-A lady, in
Providence.
BRADFoRD, Pa, May s 1875
1t has cured me of several diseases, such
as nervousness, sickness ut the stomach,
monthly troubles, etc L have not seen
sick day in year, since took Hop Bittera
All my neighbors use them
MRS FANNIE GREEN.
5000 LosT.-"A tour Of Europe that cost me
600, done me less good one bottle OF Hop
"Bitters; they also cured my wife of fifteen
wears nervous weakness, sfeeplessness and
dyspepsia" r. NJ, Auburn, n. y.
High Authority.
Hop Bitters is not, in any sense an alcoholic
beverage or liquor. and could not be sold for
use except TO persons DESTROYS of obtaining .
medicinal bitt-rs. GREEN b. RAUM,
U. S. Com. Inter1 Rev.
So. BLooMvnLE, o., May /, 20.
Sms-I have been suffering ten years and
tried your Hop Bitters and il done me moro
good than all the doctors. MISS S. s. BooNE.
Baby Saved
We are 80 thankful TO say that our nursing
baby was permanently cured OF dangerous
and protracted consti a.ion and irregularity OF
the bowels by the or Hop Bitters by its
mother, which at the same time restored her to
perfect health and strength. - The Parents,
Rochester. y. Y.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
Cured CIeryymen.

Rcv. l.. :. Caultan, of Circlevile Kas., says:
DR.. Warner, your White Wine of Tar syrup
has been in my family and found TO be all
and even more than you claim of It. IL Is a
speedy cure for all Throat and Lung diseases.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17
Mother Swans worm Syrup, tastelcss. ESQ.

"Rousb on Rats" clears out Rats, Nice. lie
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

Trough on Toothache," instant relief. $50.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

AN eminent physician first prescribed Piso''
Cure for Consumption.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

'Buehu-paiba." Great kidney and Urinary Cure. q.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

wEIIs' Hoalth RsnsweF cures D5spepsia, Imposencs.
The Trough en- Tooth Powder, elegant. l5c.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-17

A few applications
relieve. A horOu0k
treatment sciu cure
Agreeable 90 use. Send
Y mail or AZ druggists
Owego. N. y.
The Ketchum keystone. (Ketchum, Idaho) 1881-1884, 1884-05-31
Crazy Patchwork.

Having a large assortment Of remnants
and pieces OF handsome brocade silks,
satina and yeivets, we are putting them
up III assorted bundles and furnishing
them for Crazy Patchwork Cushions,
Mats, Tides. &C., &c, PACKAGE No. IL
In II handsome bundle of exquisite silks,
satins aud brocade velyets tall differ
ent). dusT THE THING for tie most
SUPERB PATTERN OF FANCY WORK.
Sent postpaid for sc cents III postal note
or l=tent stamps PACKAGE No. r. Con-
tanning three times as much as package
No. |. Sent postpaid for Si.00. These
are all of the VERY FINEST QUALITY and
cannot be equnlled ut any other silk
works iii the Il. i. Al THREE TIMES OUR
PRICES. They Will please any lady.
Ono order brings adozen more. LADIES
MANUAL or FANCY WoRK. with 400 illus
trations md full instructions for artistic
fancy work, handsomely bound, post
paid, so cts. 0RpaRNow. Address THE
RoenrsrnR SILK Co., Rochester. N. Y.
myf4.St