Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1884-02-07

the plaques of locusts ?" A pause. Then
small boy at bottom suddenly, please,
miss, | know John the Baptist ate
them"
"How is your father coming on ?" ask
ed Col. Percy Yerger of darkey he used
Dead, is he? He must have reached
very advanced age ''He did dat, for a
fac. He was libin' up to de berry day of
his def"
There is great difference in girls.
When General Tecumseh Sherman kiss
es a Washington girl it sounds like
French cook turning batter, but when
he kisses a St. Louis girl it sounds like a
Virginia tobacco peddler hurrying four
mule team up hill. When he kisses a
Texas girl, he feels that to repeat it he
would be willing to change places with
Phil. Sheridan in the hereafter Gales
ton (TenGs) Nea0s.
Miss Upperten, an ultra-fashionable
young lady was called to be with sister
who was dangerously i'll in a western
city. ''What can she do for anyone i'll
and perhaps dying?" inquired a neigh
| boring acquaintance who had heard of
her departure. "She might give infor-
nation as to which side they will be
most apt to wear harps this season"
said one of the company dryly.-HaT-
per'S BdzGr.
Even that sham of all shams, the pill
low-sham, is now decorated with motto.
| We saw few the other day. One had
"Good Night" another "Good Morning, -
and a third "NoW l lay me down to
| Sleep" To those who are contemplating
this kind of fancy work, we suggest some
new notices, like ''DO not snore so loud, y
''Do not call me early, mother, dear, u
''Sleep well, sweet angel, +" "Do not get up
until you feel like it, darling. "-Hartfofd
Times.
At church in Lawrence, which lit
tie boy of four years attends, they have
no settled minister, and new candidate
appears every Sunday. Mamma" said
the little fellow as he trudged along to
church last Sunday, ''do they have the
same flowers in the pulpit every Sun
day." 'No, dear" answered the mother
"they have to change them because they
wilt" Do ministers wilt?' he inquired
$50 that they have new one preach ev'
cry Sunday"
Inquiring employer care the young
mans habits regular ?" "Well, yes, he
gets drunk about every night"
Every man has three characteristics
which he exhibits, that which he has
and that which he thinks he has.
The Lowell Citizen says: ''The vest is 8
useless article of apparel" Pull down
your own vest and4et others alone.
Colonel Tom Ochiltree speaks very
we'll of the crowned heads of Europe, anC
it is probable that none ofthem will be
removed at present.
Miss uncertain ageJ-'I pride myself
on my descent; one of my ancestors
came over in the Mayfower" DeSmith
Twas it your father or mothers"
One ofthe first things a new railroad
acquires is a deficit. We don't know
what it is used for but it is part Of the
equipment the first year.
A good bourgeois, with his wife on his
arm, cries out to a cartman: "Why dc
you beat your horse so cruelly?" "Be
cause havn't any wife"
''Never try to take fencing lessons of {
barbed-wire fence" said the joker; 81
brings man little too much up to the
scratch"
: A Virginia thief escaped from Jail 10y
crawling through stove pipe. Wonde
if he was sOoted for that method of es
cape WIIJ9GnaSpOrt Grip.
A correspondent asks: Does a person
whose death is caused by drowning die
of disease ?' Can't say. Next time you
see man drowning, ask him.
eve heard it said" remarked Fender
son, "that a man shouldn't laugh at hi
own jokes I never do" "Does any
body else?" asked Fogg-BostOre IfGveI
En-.
A glass worker can make $185 pc
month, and if he works glass in anoth
er direction he can lose all he makes
ond all he can borrow.-Fayette Enter
prise.
A Buffalo man has gone insane from
the contemplation of the 'aufulness O
space" His malady began while acting
as night editor of blanket newspaper.