The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-02-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

Charlotte Bronte says: "W omen feel
Just as men feel" Charlotte has evil
IDENTIFY has some experience in feeling
after the matches in a dark room, and
knows how it is herself
"Why don't you get up as early as
you used to a few days agoP" asked
wife of her lazy husband. because,
my dear. it's sleep year." he grinned,
as he turned over for another snooze.
II come of preferred stock" re-
marked n prominent Israelite on Wall
street. ''How is that?" asked friend.
care not the Jews q chosen peoplee"
was the response.
A German professor has figured it
out that man came from the bear, and
while we can scarcely bear to think of
such thing, it may be so, for surely
men and women love to hug as bears
do ,.-.,....,--. ..-
al pride myself on my descent" said
n spinster of uncertain age recently.
Zone of my ancestors came over with
the Conqueror." (Which one was it"
cried a cruel wit, 'your father or your
,mother?" .ifsl .u.
In Sweden, at one time, thirty-five
gallons of brandy fell annually to the
share of each inhabitant. The custom
was discontinued many years ago,
hence American immigration into
Sweden is unknown.
There is a difference between Christ
mas and the Fourth of July. Christ
mas comes but once year, and when
it comes 1t brings good cheer. The
Fourth of July brings three cheers and
u tiger.
Three million dollars is said to be
thelfortune of Miss Aver, the daughter
of the patent medicine man. There are
lots of young men in danger of suffocs-
tion, or, at least, who are painting for
Aver. 1 tlf
Unprepossessing Old Bachelor.
why do you think 1 ought to get mar
ried, Miss Mabel? Miss Mabel (aged
.12).-Oh, you look as though you need
ed somebody to take care of you and
. goodness, you didn't think said that
10 lead you on, did youP-Life.
We wouldn't have believed it had
we not seen it in reputable print, but
they do say that the women in Corea
adorn their heads with bands of false
hair! But, then, what better could you
expect of benighted pagans.-BoSton
Transcript.
The Texas SiflingS sneeringly re-
marks that '' if you want your grave
dug in Memphis they make You pay
cash in advance" There is nothing
very wrong in that. Once allow IL man
to try on his grave and he will never
come back to pay for it.
A man always finds-ou there is
hole in the bottom of his stocking. He
makes the discovery when he takes his
boots off at night and puts his foot
down ON a hot register to warm. He
rarely forgets to speak right out about
il.
A medical man said: II found on
examination q confusion of the inteSu-
ments under the orbit, with eXtravasa-
ton of blood and echym0sis of the
surrounding cellular tissue, which was
in tumefied state with abrasion of the
cuticle." The thing thus described
was black eye.
II trust your daughter is not one of
those tame, spiritless sort of girls that
sometimes apply 10 us for situations
and are too bashful to fill them?" said
a shopkeeper to father who was
seeking employment for one of his
CnlluTtu. OlTs HC Iepllcu llulSudhG-
ly, "my daughter has red hair"
1t was his first attempt on roller
skates, and as they brought him to in
1he toilet-room he remarked: 81 tell
you, boys, that was gorgeous. l must
have knocked in the whole dome of
heaven, the way those stars flew round
] wonder if there's any left for the next
man. ."-,Ou city Derrick.
The least destructible portion of the
human body is the hair. In Egypt it
has been known to survive 1000 years.
And the Egyptian women were not as
careful of their hair, either, as are the
women of the present day. They never
took it off at night and hung it over the
back of a chair to prevent it from get
ting worn out.
Brute -"Well, Ethel, how did you
make out?" Angel (under treatment
for her voice. 81 didn't like it at all,
and / don't see why the doctor finds it
necessary TO run an instrument down
my throat so far that it seems as if he
would touch my heart" Brute.-"Oh,
he was probably trying to find the end
of your tongue, my dear"
A scientist saws that the thermometer
and other instruments may underg'
: considerable changes during long heat
ing. We have noticed this-especially
in thermometers. That is what they
b are built for. A thermometer that
didn't undergo a change during a long
heating would be regarded as fraud.
-NorYistoa0n Herald
The author of the "Ingoldsby Le-
gends" used to tell a story of the COM
plete discontinue of wit of no in
ferior order by Il message, politely de-
livered at a supper party by little
girl: ''If you please, Mr.. Jones'" said
the child, 'mamma sends her compli-
ments, and would be much obliged il
you would begin to be funny"
Yes" said Deacon Gilpin, ''the
pesky rats annoy me about to death.
wish | could invent some way to keep
'em out of my cracker barrels" 'I'1
tell yer how" spoke up Aminadah
"HowP" keep your crackers in box
es." THAT won't keep the rats away
from EN- ''Oh, no; but it would KEEP
'em out of the barrels"
pat, why in the name of Jupiter are
you lying there with that stone on YOU
stomach" ''Be aisy now! Dim jist
carrym out nlnI Oh got from Ln'
docthOr. He guy me II diyil of dos,
this mornin', an sez he, Pat, me by
ye musht try yer bisht to kape it down,
an, be jabers, ef it's r,quoired, ri
put another shtun atop O. this but Oil
do it. t."-Yonke ers Gazette.
A ioor-poIisher applied for employ
ment at house in fashionable quar-
ter in Berlin. When asked if he thor
oughly understood his business he re
Piled: Il should think / do! Yol
need only inquire next door; they vii
tell you that last winter they had thre,
legs broken in the drawing-room, ant
two ladies slipped and fell down tn
stairs, and both the drawing-room foo
and the staircase were polished by me.
When any one dies they ask il
France: "How old was hep" In Ger
many: "What complaint did he di
of?'' In America they say: "A. gOO
thing he is dead at last!" In Italy
Poor fellow!' In Russia: H
doesn't need to work any more; he j
well off, In Holland they ask: ''lIo,