The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1884-03-28
TWO BAD BOYS.
Some of the Things They DiO To a
Man of Altitude and Alcohol.
New York Sun.

New York Sum-
Shortly after 4 p. m. long man came
over the bridge, and, on arriving at the
steps on the New York end, uttered
shrek, and shot down to the sidewalk,
whence he coasted cheerily into the
gutter.
"Thash silly thing to do he said,
after a moments deep reflection. "A
small cat would know better'n that"
Then he resumed his torn hat, put the
lighted end of his cigar in his mouth,
took it out and put it in his trousers
pocket, and achieved position that
bordered upon the upright. Presently
his face expressed a pang. He thrust
his hand into his pocket, pulled out the
began to pick his way in perverse and
labyrinthic course toward the city hall.
Two small boys, with their chins de-
pressed, their shoulders bumped, and
their hands in their pockets, trudged
along the eastern edge of the park. One
of them stopped and looked at the man
who had just escaped a perilous maze
composed of equal parts of bobtail cars,
eight-horse sweepers, and milk trucks.
"Scotty," he cried, in the clear ring
ing tones of happy childhood, 'get on
to his jogs wild the busted dicer.'
They darted toward the long man
and, seizing him by the arms on either
side, conducted him with gentleness
and kindness to the sidewalk. The man,
who evidently saw eight-horse sweepers
and bobtail cars careering tiercely
about him on every side, muttered his
thanks and asked them to start him
toward the Sixth Avenue cars. The
boys started him. They began with
slow walk, but increased the speed until
the unfortunate man was tearing along
the eastern walk of the park at rate
that bore the impress of disaster in
every frantic lunge. Ice and soow as
we'll as alcohol and speed perplexed
his feet. AS he approached the curb
formed by the asphalt piazza which
runs across the park, the boys gave him
shove, and he went sprawling over the
edge and shot south.
Ultimately he stopped. After con-
sidering things for awhile he struggled
into a sitting posture and looked at his
hat, which was about ten feet in ad-
vance of him. At this point one of the
boys Slid large and dripping iciefe
down the back of the mans neck. The
man evidently fet the passage of the
ice down his spine and its Subsequent
lodgment. He looked as though life
was not worth living. Then the other
boy picked uo the hat, ran with it to
the fountain, and set it on one of the
four corners. With snort of rage the
bedraggled and ice hampered man
plunged after his hat. He fell four
times, and when he arrived at the
fountain found that his hat had been
removed to another corner. He pur-
sued it until he had slipped and strug
gled around the fountain dozen times
after the always-elusive hat, and then
brawny policeman came along, seized
him by the collar, and yanked him
backward with:
''Phat kind of an exh 'bition il this
here, anyway? Y'oughter be ashamed
Nv yersel. On Sunday, too"
" Take me to th'bridge, pleash,"
moaned the man.
He was dragged there. AS he put
his arm around the bridge policeman's
neck he muttered slowly:
"Send-me-home- -in-the-carsh.
Sendmebacktobrooken. Lemetoutfn-
york"