Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1884-06-06
Bill Nye's Troubles.

heart can endure and yet not burst I'M
til he has seen his portrait published q
few times. Then he realizes the wealth
of woe that one soul may wrestle with,
and yet not become unhinged and
loosened from its frail tenement of
clay. Men 60 on, year after year.
gaining the esteem of their fellow
men by an upright course, only to lose
it all by forgetting themselves at an I'M
fortunate and weak moment. and per-
hitting their portraits to be published
and their shame proclaimed upon the
housetops.
Some years ago an alleged engrav-
ing was made from one of my photo
graphs, but the proof was sent to me
in time, SO that 1 could by telegraph
prevent its publication.
In that portrait the wood engraver
had taken the liberty to tsmper with
the face, and put in little improve
ments here and there, according to his
own ideas of beauty.
Among the rest, / remember that he
had unscrewed the lower jaw, and let
it fall down about an inch, so that the
face had the expression of vacant lot
in the early spring.
You pull any mans lower jaw loose,
and lay it on his heaving breast, and
then turn his eyes up toward the star
studded sky, and he seems to lack force
of character, somehow.
So wired the house to "kill" that
portrait and bury ii with the engraver
when the violets bloomed.
Then another engraver took his life
and his cOld-chisel in his hand, and
blocked out q second one. He thought
l might be sensitive about my late
front hair, so he put some on in the en-
craving without additional charge. II
looked like the bunch of grass that
springs up around an old buffalo bull 4
skull.
do not care to wear improvised hair
even in an engraving. am not proud.
If nature intended that my Scandina-
Wan hair should fall early in the fight
can not help it. / can not ask the
engraver TO help me out.
This portrait was averted by the use
of electricity. and the widow of the
engraver was asked to send her bill in
to me for adjustment
Later on, another engraver took hold
of the matter.
He went at it. hopefully and even
hilarioasly, singing anon as he put his
sheet-iron shade over his eyes and adj
justed his boiler-iron corset that he NIGH
be ready in case 1 should come in OF
him while he was at work.
He made specially of the Adam!
apple.
He made portrait that wasn't SC
terrific if he hadn't thrown in an intel
lectual waste of Adams apple thai
would inspire giraffe with awe.
He fooled along with the engraving
until time to go to press, handed it il
with his resignation, got a copy of the
paper so as TO be sure that he had don,
his horrible work well, and then wen
to interior Africa to make home.
For long time after the paper was
published my wife would not recognize
me on the street, and the children were
bathed in tears. suffered a great dea
mentally, but resolved to live it down
and to aid me in this great undertaken!
a friend offered to publish fine, life
like engraving that would be certified
to as accurate, and all former ones de
nounced as base infringements.
Iagreed to it, and he went at it.
After good deal of delay he sent M
proof which bore a striking resem
blance to me. l admitted to him tina
it favored me, and we decided to let
60 forth with my name attached to it.
Gaily the press went on with its low
rumble and grumble. grinding out it
thousands of copies of damp papers
heralding to the English-speaking worl
that the subscriber wore his brains ope
to the inclement weather, and pulled hi
scalp down over his eye to be facetious
The first copy of the paper was
good one, and the portrait doomed u
like the Turkish towel mustache of tn
young man, but the next revolution O
the press disturbed an EN- quad or
loose canard or something about tn
makeup of the paper, and in the on
ward march of the machine the Who'll
top of my head was removed and pile
up over the off-eye, like a study in olive
green or navy-blue after an electio
fight.
Still, we are getting better class {
engravers than we had five years age
1t seemed pretty harsh to kill of th
bad ones. but 1 am willing to max
most any sacrifice for the advancement
of art.-Pnck.