Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-02-29
FUN

Life.
FUN
SAVING HIS CAPITAL.-"You'r re
goose!" angrily exclaimed an Austin man
to his wife, who continually chided him
about his excessive extravaganza. ''You
do nothing but cackle, cackle, cackle, all
the time" Eyes, DEAR" she sweetly re-
piled; 'but you must not forget that the
cackling Of geese once saved the capitol
of Rome, and if caekling can save your
capital. Pm going to keep it up" And
she did.
FLANNEL CAKEs.-This delicious morn
ing dish may be prepared as follows: Take
flannel fred, green. blue or white as you
may prefer) cut into squares of about 81
inches; soak in clear water, dredge with
salt, pepper and -four; have your butter
steaming hot. drop the squares IN and fry
ten minutes; Serve hot with mustard or
Worcestershire sauce. These have been
found to be capital substitute for sole.
leather tripe, or ordinary beef-steak.
The Detroit ''Free Press" states that
the new Duchess of Westminster, wife OF
one of the richest men in Europe, was
married in dress of white foulard, cost
ing seventy cents yard. The duchess
need not think she is going to have many
followers in her new departure; her fool
hardy attempt will be failure.
One of the States back toward the suns
home-base proposes to establish the whip
plng-post for wife heaters. 1t shouldn't
be done. When men become so fastidious
as to demand public posts to which to
lash their wives while whipping them,
they should be entirely deprived of the
healthful amusement.
''Didn't you promise to love, honor and
obey me2'' said the husband after wordy
wrangle with his wife. YES" came the
reply with hiss. "but you we're 30 ex-
ceedingly tender then that 1 thought you'd
always let me have my own way. That's
why promised you.'
An English paper says Mr.. Gladstone is
such an expert woodsman that he can fell
tree with his eyes shut. We have heard
of the whitening glance Of the eye, but VT
had no idea that closed eyes could knock
down whole tree.
An American woman said that her hus-
band would sit on barbed-wlre fence all
the afternoon, and never finch or move
muscle, to see a baseball match or an
agricultural ''hoss trot,'' but that when
he went with her to church, he couldn't
sit still in a soft-cushioned pew fifteen
minutes without wriggling and squirming
all over the seat.
AS drug clerk the female is not bril-
liant success. When you wink at her
across soda fountain she don't know
whether to put little balm Of Gilead in
your soda, OF to hang her head and blush.
The single young women of Blountville
Tenn, have organized with motto:
"Total Abstinence, or no Husbands
We hope the ladies will quit drinking
now, and get married.
At the MISREPRESENTATION, children.
what is the name of the meal you eat in
the morning ?' s'OaJ NEAL" replied
precocIous member Of the class.
We learn from reliable exchange that
the wealth of the United States is 1872
for each person. We wish the fellow who
has the $871.S that belongs to us would
fetch it in before we grow too old enjoy
wealth. -
At the BARRIERS: lis it the same razor
that you used yesterday" Yes, mon
sieur." ''WelI, apply the chloroform at |
ence!''
''What comical looking pup your
black-and-tan is since you bobbed his |
tail,'' remarked Oldboy. YES" said |
Young Hyson. patting the dogs head.
she's good deal less of wag." And it
was 80.
A Nashville man was fined $500 for
kissing school teacher. If it hadn't been
for two or three of the scholars who
caught them at it she wouldn't have
charged hima cent.
Residents of Colorado have adopted the
Norwegian shoe. The Norwegian shoe is
big thing.
Kissmee is the name Of Florida town,
and the hair of the railroad ticket agents
near there is already turning gray.
sWhat is this big corner in pork I hear
about ?'' asked Laura across the cherry
tea table. ssThe big corner in pork, re-
piled Tom, sis the ham,
He was rather soiled and seedy- looking.
his nose resembled a crimson sunset, and |
when he entered the store and accosted |
the head of the firm with, 'sSay, boss, I'm |
raising fund to bury my mother-in-la |
can't you give me lift p he was imme-
diately accomm odated. He was given q
Gift that aim ost loosened the roots of |
his hair.
81 could but love thee when L saw thy |
face,'' confessed Lila Cushman IN one of
her peculiarly passionate sonnets. Next
time. Lila, we'll wear veil and hide our
charms. Poets, we find, are as fair and
frail as the majority of womankind A
handsome. intellectual face and proud and
stately form always succeeds in getting
away with them. 1