The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-01-24
WIT AND HunTOR.


Freckles have become very fashions
bio. The Princess Louise and all the
other nice girls have them.
What relation does the doorstep
bear to the door-mata It's step
father. ~/,s sS
MY dear" said wife to her rich
but illiterate husband; II want $500"
"What furp" he inquired. "Sealskin
fun" she said, and she got it
There is very little satisfaction in hav
ing man fined five dollars for an as
sault If you have to pay your own law
yer ten dollars.
The Washington milkmen are not al
lowed to ring bells, as they disturb the
slumbers of the policemen. They
might be allowed to use dumb-bells.
The editor of the Yonkers Record, in
announcing the suspension OF his pa
per, said: ''Warm SIS the weather is,
it is cold day for the Record
We observe that the son of an Indian
chief is learning to be plumber
This will enable him to scalp people
without the aid of u knife.
MAN wants but little here below"
wrote Oliver Goldsmith, but Oliver
didn't stop to consider that the man
who is going to build house wants
lot.
Mary Churchill has got her 'mad up"
and now practices eighteen hours a day
ON the piano. 1t is reported that her
father and mother are missing. How
things do change about.
.Thoso picture cards brought back
from Boston," remarked Mrs. Parting
T. SiThnu
momentums OF the Art Loan Imposi-
ton"
Waiter, bring me eleven raw oys-
tors." 1--WE don't give eleven, sir; we
give six or twelve" ''No, twelve would
never do; we should be thirteen at
tablet"
The surviving friends of the hero of
Longfellow's Excelsior" did not get
any damages from the company, as at
the time of his death he was travelling
on pass.
The Connecticut boy who has third
arm growing out of the back will be
able TO scratch himself between the
shoulder blades without resorting to
the corner OF building.
Professor of Chemistry: ''The sub
stance you see in this vial is the most
deadly poison of all poisons. A single
= drop placed on the tongue of Il cat is
enough to kill the strongest man"
During the thick fog the other even
inc Com Com took poor blind man
by the hand and led him to his door.
Telling the story to friend on the
following day, he cried 1T is terrible
to be blind in such fog"
The Louisville Courter-.JournGL has
evidently been there. 1t says woman
among savages is beast OF burden; in
Asia She is piece of furniture; in
Europe she is spoiled child; in Ameri-
ca she is boss. Toledo Blade.
Philadelphia on New York: .'What
has become of 'Bowery Mike who
kept saloon which was a resort for
notorious characters some years ago?'
.'He is in the Legislature. "And his
partner. where is hep ''He got found
out, and is in the Penitentiary."
If at any time you desire the wind to
change suddenly, take q pan OF ashes,
go into the back yard, and, facing the
direction that you desire the wind to
blow from, quickly empty your pan.
All who have ever tried this rule have
never found it to fail.
A Lafayette lady model wife and
mother broke her husband OF the sa-
loon habit by walking up to the bar
beside him and calling for beer. A
Cincinnati woman tried that, but her
husband only replied: ''Now you're
acting sensible; here, John, two schoon-
ers."
A young lady in Cincinnati is engag-
ed TO be married on certain day pro.
vided she is found to weigh 125 pounds
at that time, but if she weighs less OF
more than 125 pounds the engagement
is to be broken. Probably such a ri
& diculous weigh of making an engage
ment was never heard before.
Johnny" said the teacher, "a lie
can be acted as well as told. Now, il
your father were to put sand in his
sugar and sell it, he would be acting &
lie and doing very wrong" That's
what mother told him." said Johnny
impetuously, land he said he didn'r
care.''
''By Jove! there goes my birdie, ,
exclaimed a SWELL dodging around the
corner and dragging his companion
after him. "Where Is she?" excitedly
asked the latter 1T isn t Il she. It's
my tailor" "Your tailor! Why dc
you call him your birdieP" Because
he is always presenting his bill"
..See here" said an editorial writer.
calling the editor-in-chicf, ''that fellow
ON the Wolfville Scalp has produced al
an argument that / cannot answer
What shall do with him?" 'Let mi
sec,' mused the editor, looking ovc1
the argument 81 rcckin you had bet
ter call him a liar and drop the eontro
VerSy ''-ATb;d11Su1U Traveller
The man who was about to marry fol
the sixth time, and who replied, "We'vt
usually sot," when asked by the minis
ter to stand up, has been heard from
again. He recently led No. Z to tn,
altar, and, when asked for the ring,
replied, ''Parson, I've hooked onto sh
OF 'em without ring, and we kin git
along this time. I'll try and remem
Dor it in future, though"
Let no one say after this that an In
dian cannot laugh as well as q white
man. There is q Young Indian here
who makes fat living by laughing a.
profession. He will laugh five min
utes for five cents, and it is well wortl
1t. Such ringing, continuous laugl
would drive the blues out of the Tories
OF Lennox.-I0roa1to Globe.
A gentleman apparently attempting
the feat of escorting Il lamp post was
arrested by an officer and taken to The
station house. Upon recovering his
sobriety he explained to the Sergean
/, that he thought he was leaning agains
his wife, and that she was leading hin
home. ''Do you mean to say that yor
couldn't tell the difference between
your wife and lamp post?" Eyes,
said the prisoner, meekly, my wife ii
Il Boston woman"
"Don't you think she is prettyp'
said the fond mother to the father, a.
she stroked the baby's silken hair
The father was in sulking mood
something had disagreed with him
and he replied somewhat curtly, ''Oh
all babies are about alike. They lool
like little monkeys" just then
neighbor entered, and, taking the bah!
on her lap, said, ''Mercy on us, nov
like it's father that child is"