Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-06-04
PLEASANTRIES.

A GossIPING exchange reveals the
secret that there are $4,000 more women
than men in Boston. The Hub is EVIL
IDENTIFY hard up for felloes.
The Tartars pull man by the ear to
press him to drink. In this country
civilization has 80 far advanced that a
wink generally suffices. : New YORK
Graphic.
A DRUGGIST who has opened new
store at the South End advertlses
"Arnica, sticking-plaster splints, ban
dages and other base ball goods. .
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
A WIFE is called mans better-half
because whenever he does not want to
do anything she remarks with signiti-
can't emphasis: Well, you better
that's Philadelphia Call.
''I PLEDGE you my word for 1t, J" said a
politician to a business man the other
day. Don't dc it," said he, "just say
you pawn your honor and you'll be
nearer right Warer1oo Observer.
JOB is always quoted as having been
the most patient man, but we would
offer large amount to any one who will
prove that his wife ever made him tack
down stair-carpet with the back of a
hair brush.-BOSto1a Post.
A TRAIN of sixteen mules, fifteen
loaded with whisky and one with -four,
arrived at Eagle, few days ago, and a
man from Montana wanted to know
what they were going to do with all that
four.-CoeaH o. AIe7ae Eagle.
"YoUR happiness lies at your feetF'
exclaimed lover, throwing himself be-
fore Chicago girl. The girl merely
looked down at her pedal extremities,
and remarked that some people had
queer ideas about happiness.-BUrItng-
ton Free Press.
"SAY, Pat, whatever made you go to
work for old Uncle Dan? Hes the
meanest man in the country" "Mane,
is it?" said Pa, "why, sure an he's the
foinest aisyest-going master liver [ had,
bedad. He gives man fifteen hours
to do days work in"
"Do you believe that woman nova
days would die for the object Of her
love?" asked a bachelor friend. Il
don't know whether she'd die or not,
answered the Benedict, ''but I've known
her to 90 wild when the trimming didn't
suit her.-NeaOpOrt NeaUs.
LITTLE EMMA came running into the
parlor yesterday morning, where the
mother was entertaining Mr.. Duder IN
til Miss Mary would complete her toilet
and come down stairs, and cried out :
ooh, mamma! Johnny is dot Mary
teef. and won't give 'em to her. "-hy.
State Journal.
HERBERT SPENGER's lucid remark
that san incidental force falling on an
aggregate containing like and unlike
units, segregates the like units and
separates the unlike" never strikes a
young man SO forcibly as when tailor
refuses to trust him for new spring
suit.-NorTastOa0n Herald.
"OH, Mr.. Solo," remarked gushing
Young lady to rather bashful vocalist
why don't you go into society more and
let us Honize you?" Ny dear Miss
G replied the singer, "there was
but one man who was not spoiled by
lionizing." ''And who was that, pray?'
"Daniel." City Derrick.
WHERE do you live, my little man?
asked a gentleman of diminutive
specimen on one of our railroad trains
few days ago. 81 have the pleasure
of residing" "Never mind" observed
the old gentleman, interrupting him
and leaning back he thought to himself
GLOW easy it is to tell Bostonian.-
Boston Post.
A BILL has been intro duced into
Congress authorizing the lighting OF
the rivers by electricity. This scheme
has many advantages. It will assist
largely in reducing the surplus reven-
ues, and it will also be a splendid
thing for the fish, who will be able to
stay up all night and read the newspa.
pers, instead of retiring at sundown.-
OIL City Derrick.
"OH, no!' said Mrs. Appleboy, who
was visiting Mrs. Pringle, Il am not 6
bit cold; it's quite comfortable here
"Isn't it funny, mammal exclaimed
little Edith Appleboy; "that's what yor
said the last time you were here, anG
when we got out don't you remember
YOU said you were frozen half to death 2
There was instantly enough fire il
the faces of Mrs. Appleboy and Mrs
Pringle to warm half dozen rooms.
Two young women we're examining
the animals. ooh, what a beautiful
spotted deer!" said one. The othe
woman bowed her head and wept
"Why, what's the matter?" ooh, yol
don't know how bad you made me fee
when you talked about that spotted
deer. I once had DEAR" ''You did :?
dyes: my dear was street car conduct
or, and we were going to get married
but the company spotted him, and h
lost his position, and ever since i
makes me feel bad to hear people sa,
ANYTHING about spotted dears.' Tera
Strings.
A CERTAIN operate singer in New
York was suspected of instigating, by
brides, vociferous applause, and large
evening for whole week. A malicious