The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1884-12-24
J VARIETIES TF4r

Hte .ffie
A school-boy, who stood at the head
OF ms class for dullness, said one day in
geography, The crocodile is the largest
insect i'll America"
Yes said Mrs. Jones, 81 always
like to have one Chinaman about the
house. Their shoes are Just the thing
to spank the children WITH
Wife: John, our coachman must 60"
But why, my dear? Our only daugh-
ter is married" Yes, but-John, Tin
not so very old myself, you know
Marrying is all right" remarked
togg, who had attended several we'd
dlngs lately, "but it is the giving in
marriage which l object to. 1t is too
ALFRED expensive, don't you know.H4
"Why did you put that nickle with
hole in it in the. contribution box?"
asked one man of another. "BecauseI
could not PUT the hole in without the
nickel, and had to put in something"
st. Louis Magazine.
Scene, Sunday School: Young lady
catechising the children on the plaques
OF Egypt. Y. L.. "And what became
of the plaques OF locusts ?'' A pause.
Then small boy at the bottom suddenly.
Please, Miss know John the Bap-
fist ate them"
The new smelling bottle carried by
ladies this year is quite large. When it
becomes the fashion for young men to
carry smelling bottle they won't have
occasion to 60 out between the acts so
often to get Whit of fresh air and so
forth.
"Are you going to make flower-bed
here?" asked a young lady of her
fathers gardener. Eyes, miss; them's
the orders" "Why, it'll spoil our Gro
quet groundn' Cant help it, miss.
Tour papa says he's bound to have this
plot laid out for horticulture, not hus-
loandry." f"tfF as'. f8 a4ag
Fair play all round: mia, why did
you send Tom out Of the room?" ''Be-
cause he was naughty and tried to bite.
Il don't think that's fair, for yesterday
pa bit Miss Semibreve, my music teach
er, three or foul times right on the
cheek, and she didn't send him out of
the room.-Lite.
Mr.. Jack Cass, who is considerable of
donkey in his way, had been particu-
larly pert the other evening. Finally he
said something to Miss Sharpe that was
just too saucy for anything. "Why
don't YOU box his ears ~ asked one of
the girls. 81 would" replied Miss
Sharpe, ''only don't know where can
find a box big enough"
A good many years ago Massachu-
sets man was elected to the office of
Lieutenant Governor. When the fact of
his election was announced, he was call
ed upon for speech. He proceeded to
acknowledge the honor in very handsome
terms, and added that he had no doubt
he should make a good Lieutenant Gov
ernor, as that was the office he had al
ways held in his own house.
'Does D.--live here p ayes"
was the reply, "what do you want ?" 81
have an encyclopedia for him in my
wagon" said the young man, "and
would like to leave it. SIS it a big one?'
asked the lady. eyes, was the reply.
"Well," she murmured, 81 don't know
what the doctor bought that thing for.
/ am sure he will never learn how to ride
it.
A shoemaker when measuring girl
for pair of shoes, in st. Louis, uses a
two-foot rule. First intimation we've
had that they measured the girl; we
thought thdy measured her foot only.
But why shouldn't the shoemaker use
two-foot rule when he measures for pair
of shoes-one for each foot? When
they attempt to measure Chicago girls
foot, they take surveyors chain and
theodolite.
Why He Used the Match. are
YOU doing, Maryp' asked Somerville
husband, addressing his wife. 81 am
sewing on crazy quilt" she replied.
"Are there any buttons on it 2" mo"
~ thought not" he said; sit wouldn't
be like you to be sewing on anything
that needed buttons;" and, drawing
deep sigh, he proceeded to fasten his
suspenders with half-burned match
Somercille Journal.
A Counting Schoolmaster's Mistake.
"A schoolmaster in Iowa called his pref
test pupil to his desk and asked her if
she would marry him. She replied
promptly that she would not eff you
were the last man on earth, and forty
instead of SIXTEEN" she added, 81 would
not take YOU" Resuming his character
as pedagogue, he decided that her lam
guage was disrespectful, and feruled the
hand he could not get matrimonially..
The girl now sues him for damages.
"Well, Mr.. Slickers," said the doctor
to patient he had not seen the day be-
fore, chow are you getting along?"
'.Nearly starved to DEATH" "Why,
didn't you have oysters?" "No, /
couldn't get them the way you said, and
I was afraid it would be dangerous to
eat them any other way" "Why that's
odd. Couldn't get stewed oysters?
told YOU you could eat stewed oysters
with impunity" "That's just it.
could get the stewed oysters easy
enough, but sent to all the restaurants
in the neighborhood for the impunity,
and the blazed fools said they never had