St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1884-03-23
PLOT INCUBATOR.
a Plan by Which Any Man May
Become an Entertaining
Writer.
[Arkansaw Traveler.J

When Professor Hogginson resigned his
position as demonstrator of anatomy and
started The Chuckle, humorous weekly his
friends came around and said that bright
future awaited him. This was partly a fact,
for If he had any bright future at all it was
awaiting him. One day, while the learned
humorist was bowed down with the cares Of
wit, much worn man entered the room
and cleared his throat to attract attention.
The professor looked up, turned his chair and
said:
"Well, what can do for YOUR
The gentleman seated himself and replied:
Information having reached me that you
have started humorous and literary paper,
1 am here to see if you do not care for plot
incubator
"a plot incubator, exclaimed the professor,
in surprise. II never heard of such a thing"
"Oh, probably not, for you are young in
the business. I'll explain. a plot incubator
is man who matches out plots and humorous
ideas. He cannot rise to the dignity of litera-
ture, for he has not the art of description.
All of the humorists have plot hatcher, forit
is impossible for man to do the Matching
and writing with any degree of success. For
instance, you enjoy me. sit here, quiet as
flower pot. You turn TO me and say, Cap
tain, plot for story l nod in compli-
ance, and say: Dark night. Man with Ian
tern, following hack. Woman inside hack
shrieks. Man rushes forward Shoots vii
lain. Woman saved Now, there's a plot
for two or three column story. The idea
being furnished you, all you have to do is to
write up the facts Suppose you want to
write paragraph, you turn and say,
Captain, idea for five-liner.' I nod and
say, Mule You then have the idea, and
you construct a paragraph that will cause
people to wonder how you ever caught
theidea. You turn again, and say, Captain,
idea for an ITEM l nod, and say Pie You
write it up and convulse the world with
laughter. When you want q humorous
sketch, you call for it, and say, Young man
going to see young lady, small boy comes
into the room. Wants candy from young
man. Got none. Boy going to tell the other
fellow that comes to see his sister and gives
him candy. Young lady bushes Young
man finds out he has rival Then you see,
you write up the affair and tickle the COM
munity and watch the exchanges copy it,
crediting it to Professor Hogginson in The
Chuckle."
"This is entirely new to me. Have all the
humorists plot hatchersp
"All of the best. 1 used TO be with Mark
Twain. Matched the plot for his Jumping
Frog and many of his best things, but had
to leave him. He worked me nearly to
DEATH"
II didn't know he was so industrious"
"What, work an ordinary man to DEATH
Used to get me up all times of night Many
and many cold night has he come to the
bed, pinched me, and said, Captain, plot for
a Mississippi river story"
"Well, this is indeed wonderful, but just
now 1 haven't the money to employ even so
necessary an adjunct. 1 am a thousand times
| obliged, though, for the information you
| have impaired, and 1 assure you that I'll
| profit by the lesson"
"Thank you. l am now, during dull
seasons, employed in selling a little article of
hearth paint. I'll just show you"
"Get out of here, you Internal scoundreln
OF course the man left The colonel, judg.
| ing from his paper, is doing all the work.