davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06

kill her religion, h. kill,d her Bv
Juks. If it was som" fellows. they
would join any churrl that ever was
for the girl they loved. Ia snys he
knew II man that gn "a love with a
.Jewess, aud her folks triei to stard
him oR' but hc i,iued'lh.ir church aud
opened pawn Shop. HnI got Rabbi
to marry them on the sly, aud when
her folks came blowing around he put
up his hand aud shook it and said,
Hast dugcsheu. Not you going 10 dn
about ity Ma says she and pm had Il
gond deal of trouble about their reli-
gion before they were married. She
was Baptist and pa was n Democrat,
hut pa kicked when they nominated
Greeley. aud goes Ia her church nnw.
Well, / must 20 down to the morguc
aud see the lovers that couldn't agree
about goitg 10 heaven, aud the boy
skipped.-P,ck's Sun.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06
The Missing Saw-Mill.

The good old stories Of by-gone days
are often the best. Dick Steele /. just
rcviving this about our fellow towns.
man.
Mr.. Denmsu met su old friend the
other dsy who vas formerly a prosper.
Gus young IumbermaD up North, but
whose habits OF drinking resulted as
tboy often do, though he has since re-
formed. and is irving 20 do better.
How are YOU ," said Dcnman.
Pretty we'll. thank you but I've
just been to 3 doctor to have him look
at my throat"
What's the matter -
well the doctor couldn't give me
any encouragement. At least he
couldn't find whst I wanted him 70
ind."
what did you expect him TO find r
II asked him to look down my
throat for the saw-mill and farm that
had gone down there"
"And did be see nothing of it,"
mo, but be advised mo if ever
got another to run IL by water
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06
So Very Becoming

One day last week old Mrs. New
years. one of the wealihi-st old ladie-
in Austin. made an official call on
Mrs. Fiyzletop. Mr. Newyear wa
dressed in All elegant silk dress made
in the very highest style of art II
attracted the attention of Johnny,
who could not help admiring il, and
finally the imp said +:
Ma, don't you think that dres. is
very becoming to Mrs. Newyears"
YES, my son, keep quiet now" re-
spondei Mr-. Fizzletop. who was afraid
Johnny would make some improper
remark.
80 YOU like my dress. do you
johnny ," asked Mrs.. Newyears. kind.
Iy
YES, mum, its very becoming it.
just like your face. full of wrinkles
aud folds. aud creascz like"
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06
She Got 1t.


There = called out woman who
vas 1t passenger on Bay City tram
leaving Detroit II day or two ago.
i've went AMI gone aud leit my
sntchel in the depot. Somebody call
the conductor.
a benevolent man With a bald head
and dnlhle emu volunteered hl- SCI
vices, aud after a time the conductor
was brought ~. 90,
Cant Hon stop ana rpn h"'k
asked the woman. =,
NO ma am Out III e'egraPh 10
have your baggage sent on "pa' II
II
\ Satchel.
Worry "rlI' he 'a'd' u, he "es"n 10
write: J., Is az "i' sa'r'ei WIZ" Que
handle oil a"h the JOCK "'"Neh VI
conT:'' e
l-ye.. .lr ou, "s h"ne !" Y"I
business u II T. lou non "uy my
atcnels' ,,
NO, INA am %, course not ~ :
see ! u ieieg'apn ''."l !" 1lsn u:
Inc nrst tn'hg o" '"P y h'ghtc"p
pos'n us' sne o'u'"re' up l
guess there Is II" III" se'h WEARING
night caps.
No, ma am and the next ihinR Is
pair OF black ~oc'en stockings when
have been darhed III the heeis' nat
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06
A Good Salesman

Then pants Is too short, -aid II
huckster who was bargaining for a
pair Of trousers in Canal street.
But dcy viii stretch, my frcni, dey
will stretch. Iust hang weights on
de legs und stretch dem efefy night,
dot keeps the pag- oud OF de knce..
"They are too dark, continued The
customer.
DARK, said the dealer, wat mat.
ter ish dot dc color ish not fast, und
dey will fade dree shades in two days"
"Thcy are too wide in the legs"
objected the huckster aud the ac.
commodating dealer in accommodating
garments said
"Vell, ven you stretch dem de long
vay toni dey ge, schmaller sideways :
DE more YOU wears dem de peter dey
6ls you"
Look al that big grease spot. " said
the particular buyer.
"Oh. dot's nothing, ssid the dealer.
"Yon will haf dem all over vaggin
crease in lcss as Won vcek. drow off
den cents for dot spot, Ior dake
dem for = tallsr vorty."
II. ,r.L ,Iau,
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06
He Did Something.

Hello, Bulger, you seem 10 be o
smiling and good humored as usual
this morning. DO you ever lose your
eqaanimityy' waatr
"Well, yes TO tell the truth, Jinks.
I do sometimes. Il wAs only last
night that | got IN ~ apfai big slew.T
"Ts that 90 HoE wasiit r. ..Is
@Why il was down at Carver's res
taurppt. was terribly hungry and
managed to get In The biggest stsw
I've had fof 80 age. Oysters stew,
you know"
Jinks muitered something about
"mofe Of your blamed nonsense" and
rushed of TO catch car.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06
Herr Hans Yea99r's Opinion OF
Matrlmony
"Wyll, Mr. Yeager what q, YOU
think of mairimony?

"Wrll. Er. Yeager what d, you
think of matrimony?
"Nnl vo- dnse
The married lie, you know
"Ughl You bet mein -ci,w.sd lie
| know. Dot peen humhuggin'
pi.iness. Dpt pcen scbent und II
pitd drnp to catch feilcr, nit. Pen
fore got me married think. pecn
50 babby ike angel pird, und bury
soon riid away. quick dercnite finds
ne meiu rnisdakeond.' -
Then you didn't marry happily
"Oh, yes 10 peen SEIZURE married
ne d"t val. Dotr v"t der % adder
vas nit dot pisness. Dem honey moon
.che,-e week. va- more Hubby in ~
il bundret und feunfiy year hereafter.
oof ! llf nae dot long"
"Y,s. but married life. t',kc it all IN
all, IL The happie.t, is it not?
II dlukz ii vas peter ou' iunn-
him got married to fghd der oing
drough; aher ouf him don'd god mar
ricd it ya- peter for schliIerrn vat
don'd vas got porned VII 10 -chtop
midout marry. Dot safe drouhIe- in
dot world und all der oddcr worlds,
uud don'd it forgot you -
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06
Poor Thing.

"YOu look sad. Birdie--whats the
natter - we're the words addressed 20
Birdie MCHenipin, by her friend.
Mollie Squeers. As they met on Austin
Avenue.
I'm not feeling sell"
Are you sickf'
mo, I'm not precisely sick; but l
feel tired, overworked," t.,-
"Do tell me Ill about itf"
"Well, you see our colOred cook IL
sick, and now poor mother has 10 do
all the cooking, and scrubbihg, and
washing and ironing. and Il makes me
feel 20 tired 10 zee the old creature
work. She is 80 slow.''-S:fiiAss.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06
His view of It.

What are those men doing M
therer' said q gentleman TO an Irish
hod carrier as ne looked mp at two
men wildly prsncing around on : mar.
row scaffoIding on the third story OF
the Texas University building. Il be
thinkin' that they're 6ghtin, sor'. and
~ 4 disintsrested SPECTATOR, Il seems to
me that ~ aythur av thin ships or
loses bic how'll. they'll wish TO heaven
they he'd enjoyed their divurshun
closter to the ground"
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-06
Peck's Bad e oy

THE QUESTION or wIGrIEE \ DfF
FERENCE ~ REi.iGIiUs OPINIONS
OUGHT TO SEPARATE TWO
LOVERS WORKING IN THE
HEAD OF THE INGES.
IOus Youth.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
Jsn,s Present Views.

The following letter from Hon. JefIer-
son Davis, dated Beauvoir, Miss, July "a,
1884, was read at a meeting of the
Confederate Survivors association in
Augusta, Ga, Tuesday evening last;
Mr.. Il. STovALL, Secretary-liy Dear Sir:
After an extraordinary delay your letter
of June l3 has been received. The
resolutions of the Confederate Survivors
association are to me most welcome
most consolatory. The beautiful badge
you sent me, emblem Of your fellowship
and regard and sign of member
ship in your association, will remain
precious legacy to my children,
The expressions of confidence and
esteem from men who staked all in de-
fense of state rights-that is, constitu-
tional liberty-are more than full COM
pensation for anything have suffered
from tho hostility Of open enemies or tho
reviling Of those who deserted our cause
in the day of its disaster. To be worthy
the commendation of tho faithful men Of
the cOnfederacy was the reward for which
strove, tho connecting link between all
which was personal and that which was
higher by far-the success of our righteous
cause. Please accept for yourself and
give my heartfelt thanks to your ASSOC
oiates for having done me the kindness,
for which / am more grateful than Lam
guage serves me to express. In faithful
brotherhood"
National Republican., 1884-09-13


Tho attempt chiefly made by political
bummers to enlist the solid non u-voting
business men of this district to give til cir
influence and money to cut their own
throats, by assisting to bring about q
change Of administration, unsettling our
business. and driving some eight or ten
thousand of our customers out of position
and out Of town, to please q few place
hunters without any visible means of
support deserves, think, protest on
our part
The Lesson we got last winter, when n
democratic house. under the leadership of
that sterling democrat, $. s. Cox. passed
the bill to repeal the mercantile license
from outsiders, while we continue paying
taxes, thus throwing the retail trade open
to Baltimore and other cities-this lesson
ought to alone open the eyes Of our bus
iness men to what they can expect from
that source. Then we were glad, and
some of our democratic friends felt cha
grined if not humiliated. to fall back on a
republican senate to strike out the OBJ
noxious features and save us from our
| friends.
And why shouldn't there be free trade
here as well Us in the democratic plat
form? The democracy has pledged itself
to that, and all our business men have to
do is to go into politics, help to bring
about change of administration, and
they'll get what they don't want.
Suppose their customers do leave,
others will necessarily take their places
and after while they'll be able to tel
the good ones from the bad ones. Thort
are two birds in the bush for every one
in hand, and even if we don't make any.
thing by the change, the political bum
mer and Jacksonian fossil aforesaid may
secure at last what he has waited for fo
twenty years-an office.
SEVENTH STREET.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
ABOUT PEOPLE.

FATHER HYACINTHE speaks no English, and
says he is too old 10 learn
DUMAS, the younger, boasts that several OF
his plays were written at one sitting.
Mrs. sSEAD and Miss Austlnc snead have
returned to the city from Long Branch, &c.
CAPT. BEDFORD PIN, the English Arctic ex-
plorer, is in the city stopping at the Ebbitt.
MOODY will preach In Boston this fall under
the auspices OF the Young Mems Christian asso-
citation.
Mr. MuRAT HAIsTEAD boasts the largest
family at Long Branch, ten small coming
journalists"
GEN. JOHN FAREswoRTH left for Chicago and
the 81. Lawrence river resorts yesterday for q
two weeks vacation.
SECRETARY TELLER has gone to New York to
meet his daughter, who is expected TO return
from Europe in few days
A SON of Manton Marble formerly of the New
York World, is among the candidates reported
at Annapolis for admission as cadet.
BEN: PERLEY Poor received by the will of
the late Senator Anthony the Charles Sumner
silver pitcher and cup and $500 in money.
SENATOR ASrHoNY's death Is said by the
Washington correspondent of the Cleveland
Loader to have been caused by blood poisoning,
brought on by eating tainted partridge.
IIRSRY CABOT LODGE, one of "the coming
men of Massachusetts," is only 3O the author
fseyen historical books, and the chairman OF
the republican state committee. He wears a
No. ~ hat
REV. II. c. QUINLAN, Wesleyan Methodist
missionary from Puerto Plata, santo Domingo,
arrived in this city on Thursday. lie visits
this country for the purpose of raising money
| to complete his church in Puerto Plata, and
will probably speak In some of our churches
during his stay, He il stopping AZ the Phila'
| ldelphia- haua0.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
Moro speeIai Agents wanted.

The present force of special agents
employed by the general land Office to
investigate fraudulent entries of the
public lands aud protect actual settlers is
too small in number to properly discharge
that duty, and it is probable that Com
missioner Mcfarland will, in his annual
report, recommend congress make provis-
lOS land districts. The special agents at
present number less than twenty-five,
and the commissioner says that ten guilty
persons escape detection where one is
convicted. In communication to the
senate last session an appropriation of
100000 was requested for salaries of
special agents, but the estimate was cut
down to $4,000 by congress.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
Pensioh Examiners,

The 100 special pension examiners pro-
vided for by the at of July z have been
appointed and are in the field. Sixty.one
of these places we've filled by promotions
from tho pension bureau, and eighty-nine
were taken from the 1913 applicants who
passed the civil service examination. 1t
is understood th,.t any vacancies which
may occur in this special force will be
filled from the examined list, and the
civil service comi lission has ordered that
those who passed above the grade of 65
shall be held eligible for appointment as
examiners in tho pension bureau if the
applicant notifies the commission Of his
with to be w held
National Republican., 1884-09-13

The murder of Officer Fowler by
chain.gang desperate the other day
teaches lesson tho police would do well
TO heed. If tie murdered policeman had
not pulled his revolver from his pocket
he would not have been shot. There was
no occasion for display of firearms. The
negro was not trying to kill him when he
produced the revolver. The fellow merely
wanted to escape, and the revolver was
brought into play for purposes Of intimi-
dation. The officer would not have been
justified In shooting him. If policemen
were less "handy with their guns" there
would be fewer lives lost. They fall into
the habit Of bringing their revolvers and
clubs into requisition on the most trivial
provoeation. The slightest resistance on
tho part of prisoners, or persons they
,eek to take into custody, Is excuse enough
for the average policeman to shoot or club.
How often does quick answer from q
wrathful citizen who imagines himself
justified in "sassing back" a policeman
give blue'coated rutlian an excuse for
cracking head with his murderous billy2
Men are maltreated by brutal policemen
every day. Protest, however mild, is
magnified into a charge of resisting an
officer, ana physical resistance against
unnecessary violence justifes an officer
in killing or manning prisoner. All
things being equal a policeman has no
rights not enjoyed by other men. The
possession of star does not license one
man to impose upon another man, and a
citizen has the same right to protect him
self from violence at the hands of a
policeman that he has to protect HIM
self from the assaults Of footpad.
The wonder is that more policemen are
not killed-not In the discharge Of their
duty, but in maintaining their dignity
for the average policeman is abnormally
sensitive to fsncied sights affecting his
self-importsnce, and he is more likely to
club an offender for making disrespectful
personal observations than for violating
the law. In the case of Fowler good
man and bravo officer foil victim to his
own imprudonce lie had no notion Of
killing the wretch who murdered him,
but tho wretch aforesaid could not soc
National Republican., 1884-09-13
Rare Old Ben.


Rare old Ben with the bias eye,
Rare, and tough, and extremely sly;
Busy all day and up all night,
Free of speech and quick in fight;
Up to snuff with your guilelcss tricks,
The hold of your high hat full of bricks,
Scohed, and hated, and feared of men,
Rare old Benz
Rare, and no gravy.
Rare old Ben OF the bunting mill,
Running for office, time to kill;
1ndependent-democ
Anti-monopoly-workingman-
Labor-reiormer-commu
High-license-p se-prohibitionist-
Greenbacker-All things to all men,
Rare old Ben
Rare, and turned over.
Rare old Ben ofthe sandy craw,
General, governor, man OF law;
Red in his button hole blooms the rose,
Red the blood in his bad eye glows;
When he is ready to fight or talk,
Some man is going to "hollow" or walk.
b for Bunting, Butler, and Ben
Rare old Ben
Rare, but not too rare.
gr. r.. j. Burdette.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
81 Don't Believe"


From The Spanish Of Vdsque=.
That the young widow weeps and sighs
Over the grave where her husband lies,
1perceive 1t;
But that 1t would not Joy renew
To welcome give TO Number Two
don't believe it
That Laura tells me onlyI
Can on her fondest love rely,
Iperceive it;
But that she does not tell again
The same sweet tale to other mem
don't believe 1t
That jealous husbands lots are hard,
And they should be upon their guard,
Iperceive it;
But that these fools, by Hymen scotched,
Are watching more than they are watched
don't believe it
George Birdssyc.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
FOrsaken. .


While I was weeping you laughed,
And the measure of woe filed up;
While you were tasting quaIled
The bitterest dregs of,the cup.
While was sowing you heaped
The ashes of envy, the while;
When ripened the harvest l reaped
The bitterest tear, you the smile.
I've scattered the rose on the plain,
My heart concealing the thorn;
I've sown but the best of my grain,
You give me but chaf in return.
I've watched where the sufferer lay,
And caught each low whispered moan;
But the stones that hide in my way
tread them forever alone.
True merit you turn in the cold
False hearts, you better approve
The deeds rewarded with gold
Than those that are prompted by love.
Methinks the happy are those
Whose hearts are too strong to feel
A pang of regret for the woes
That fate and misfortune reveal.
-Mrs NJ a. Monyort.
National Republican., 1884-09-13

OLD man Morosini is making fool of
himself. He is indulging in gabble about
the way they do things in his native
country where outraged sires mako rivers
flow red with blood in defense of their
daughters. That is not the way they do
things in this country. In this home of
the brave and land of the free the young
uen who run away and marry the girls
they love are generally able to take care
of themselves, and irate fathers-in-law
who go cunning for them usually get the
worst of it, If the ancient Morosini likes
the customs of Italy better than this
country he should 90 back, join band OF
Drigands, and glut his appetite for gore.
National Republican., 1884-09-13

THE democrates arc counting on a sena-
tor from Indiana as one of the sure things
next winter. They may find that they
are counting their chickens before they
are hatched. The democrats have Is
hold-over senators and the republicans z.
On the vote cast for Gov. Porter four
years ago tho republicans will elect IL and
the democrats G senators in November.
leaving in doubt. Allowing 4 to each
party, the senate will stand 25 democrats
and 22 republicans. On the Porter vote
54 out of the 100 legislative districts are
republican, and if the parties hold their
own the legislature will be republican by
very small majority on joint ballot. 1t
will be seen, therefore, that the republi-
cans have fighting chance for United
States senator in Indiana.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
The Dear Public.

. You prefer a bufloon to scholar,
A harlequin to teacher,
A Jester to statesman,
An Anonyma iiaring on horseback
To modest and spotless woman--
Brute of public.
"You think that TO sneer shows wisdom,
That gbe outvalues reason,
That slang, such as thieves delight in,
Is ct for the lips OF the gentle,
And rather grace than blemish.
Thick-headed public
''You think that If merits exalted
IT'S excellent sport to decry 1t,
And trail its good name in the gutter;
And that cynics, white-gloved or crayatted,
Are tho cream and quintcssence of all things.
ASS OF public
''You think that success must be merit,
That honor and virtue and courage
Are all very well in their places.
But that moneys thousand times better.
Detestable, stupid, degraded
Pig of public"
Interllldes and UhdertOnes-Ch Charles Mdckay.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
Not Such "a Monstrou. Big Thing.

~ Ntc LutuUs
Seeing the parade Of Thursday evening
described by all the papers in such glow
ing terms, wish to make a few remarks.
In the first place, there could hardly
have been 5000 people in line, as the
time occupied by the whole procession in
passing tho corner of Pennsylvania ave-
nue. and Tenth Street was only eighteen
minutes. 1t would have taken fully an
hour for 5000 men to go by a given point.
Secondly, tho fireworks consisted of one
mortar. dozen skyrockets, numerous
Roman candies, and some colored lights.
Does that constitute grand display2"
Thirdly, not club was uniformed. In
other cities O political parade would not
be called n "creditable" one unless at
least the majority of clubs appeared in
uniform. The democratic rooster" did
nothing but flap his wings, and, more
over, bore greater resemblance TO swan
than what 1t was said to represent. For
my part, l did not think there was much
enthusiasm shown. In fact, never WAS
in political crowd where there was 30
little cheering. On few Of the trans
parencies the lettering WAS well done, but
most of it looked MS though made by
school boys, who had not yet learned that
| there should be no dot over a capital l.
Altogether, it seemed to me very poor
| display, considering the time, the place,
and what We were led to expect.
COSMOPOLITAN.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
The Middle Watch,

The full-rlgged moon, with silyered sails,
Slips o'er a sapphire sea,
For what far-off port her PROV is bent
Seems all a mystery.
When 10 in the family flushing east
Shines rose-hued hint of morn,
And soon her jeweled anchor drops
In the bay OF the Crimson Dawn?
Mel. X. ColquiH.
National Republican., 1884-09-13
Tamn,any Takes Its Crow.

1ammany held its nose and took the
nauseating dose last night with manifest
reluctance. 1t went through the form Of
ratifying the nomination of Cleveland
and Hendricks. and made a very, very
wry face while doing it. A full report Of
the Tammany meeting is given in the
press dispatches. The address Of the
committee was greeted with storm of
Kisses and cheers, the mixed chorus last
ing long while. The hissers quit first,
and the report was adopted. The only
genuine enthusiasm shown was when Mr..
Grady arose to declare his opposition to
Cleveland and his allegiance to Butler.
He could not speak for some minutes, and
it was not until after he made his way tc
the platform that his friends suspended
cheering long enough for him to begin
He was applauded continuously and up
roarously. Tammany's attitude toward
Cleveland Is plain. 1t is for him as Oh
organization, but as individuals about
Iinety-fve per cent. of its members will
vote against him. TAmmany does moi
vote as an organization.
National Republican., 1884-09-13

THE fair land of Poland may well pray
to be spared tho infliction of further
visits from the czar. The wholesale ar
rests made on the occasion of the recent
pleasant call of the royal party will not
increase tho love and reverence of the
Polish people for the ruler of their con-
querors. 1t is barely possible that the
detectives, secret police, and soldiers
whose business it is to guard the ear, dis.
cover conspiracies against their masters
life whore none exist, and arrest thou
sands of innocent people to produce the
impression on his mind that they are
oternally viglant, and that without them
his life would not be worth the price of a
tallow dip. There are tricks in all trades.
National Republican., 1884-09-13

Acting Secretary French has sent q
letter to tho New York commissioner Of
immigration, defining AS paupers such
immigrants as come from tho foreign
almshouses. The commissioners are di-
rected to make Investigations and use
their discretion in other eases that may
be brought before them.
National Republican., 1884-09-13

The OK carts from Aroostok and other
back townships come in slowly, but every
one is loaded with an increased republican
majority, swelling the grand total of the
result in Maine to magnificent proper
tions 1t is about time to move to make
il unanimous