Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1884-03-24
FUN AHEAD.
An Improved Congressional Record.

If Congress resolve to act upon the
suggestion made by Senator Miller that
the Congressional Record be issued as
q weekly and sent to every family in the
country, some modification ought to be
made of the contents Of the Record.
The paper is much too heavy and dismal
in its present condition to be welcomed
in the ordinary American household.
Perhaps it might have puzzle depart
ment, and if so one of the first puzzles
could take the shape of an inquiry how
it happens that so many congressman
get rich on $1,000 q year. The
department of Answers to Cores
pondents could be enriched with refer
ences to letters from office-seekers, and
the department of Household Economy
could contain explanations of how the
members frank their shirts home through
the postofice so as to get them in the
family wash. AS for the general contents,
describing the business proceedings of
the Senate and House, we recommend
that these should be put into the form
of verse. We should treat them, say,
something in this fashion:
Mr.. Hill
Introduced bill
To give John Smith pension.
Mr.. Bayard
Talked himself tired,
But said nothing worthy of mention.
This would be succinct, musical and
in degree impressive. The youngest
readers could grasp the meaning Of it
and it could easily be committed to
memory. Or scene in the House
might be depicted in such terms as
these: f.
A very able speech was made by Cox Of Minnesota
Respecting the necessity Of protecting the black
| voter.
Twas Indignantly responded to by Smith of Ala
| bama,
Whose abominable talk was silenced by the SPEAK
er's hammer,
Then Atkinson of Kansas rose to make an explains
ton, "
But was pulled down by colleague in state Of In.
dsnaton.
And Mr.. Alexander, in speech about insurance.
Taxed the patience OF his hearers pretty nearly past
endurance.
After which Judge Whitaker denounced the recip-
roeity
Treaty with Hawaii as a soandaIpus monstrosity.
It would be advisable of course to vary
the meter as much as possible in order
to prevent the monotony which would
otherwise dull the interest Of the reader.
After giving the proceedings in the
House as above, something of a more
spirited nature perhaps could be insert
ed into the Senate reports. Suppose,
for example, the pages devoted to the
Senate should lead off with something
of this kind:
Then up rose Smith, of Florida the best Of the do
baters,
And spoke about his measure for protecting Alligat
| ors;
He showed how tourists shoot at them without 10
gard for reason,
And asked to have 1t made crime to hll them ou
| Of season.
Then Brown he moved amendment by inserting
| brief clause
Compelling alligators not to operate their jaws;
But Smith he up and said of him who thought tn
| subject comical,
That Nature, when she gave him sense, had been To-
economical
And Brown responding briefly, wished to say in thi
connection
That smith in guarding reptiles had an eye to se
protection.
Then Smith he nung voltms Of the Message an
Reports,
And Brown was laid upon tho floor good deal OF
OF sorts.
OF course vtsrsifcation of the Congress
8ional Record would require the service
of poet Laureate, of rather unusua
powers. If Congress shall accept SER
ously the suggestions which we max
with an earnest desire to promote tn
public interest, we shall venture to rex
ommend the selection of the Swee
Singer Of Michigan as the first occupar
OF the laTreate's Gfice.-Ow CO7ltinen