The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-09-24
WIT AND HUNfOR.

If,buAe.
Mrs. Bare you not going to cele-
pirate your wooden wedding?n Mrs.
c. NO; my first wedding was q
wooden one" Mrs.-r"Oh, it could
not be, you KNOW Mrs. Cit was.
l married blockhead.
MAY the young couple enjoy all the
happiness and escape all the mseries
OF matrlmony," is the way Western
editor ends up a marriage notice. 1t
Is safe to assume that he did not take
that copy home to his wife.
1t is announced that Spanish dances
are coming into fashion. Young
Sprucey whose girls father made him
walk Spanish" the other night, says
the step is too sudden and forced to
become popular. -NOrrist0Wn Herald
A lady in Fonda, n. Y, who is 92
years old, is just learning to play the
piano. She says that woman who
can It play some sort OF an instrument
nowadays stands pretty poor chance
OF getting married. -BHr,ngl0N Free
Press.
In London there is a school in which
monkeys are taught the English Ian
guage from blocks on which the letters
are printed. Next thing we know an
effort will be made to import instruc-
ton TO the American dude. Norris
torn Herad.
a New York paper makes big fuss
about calf with human head. That's
nothing; we have hundreds of them
right here in this city. They wear
clothes just like men, and generally
stand on corners and ogle the girls.
Baltimore Day.
Il Is getting fashionable for ladies to
wear fruits instead of flowers. The
Chicago girl who went to a fancy ball
recently with large watermelon snug
ly ensconced in each of her slipper
bows was voted to be the queen of the
fashion. -Bar.Mgt0n Free Press.
They were disputing about something
or other, when Mrs. Fogg impatiently
exclaimed: 20, well, sir, you have
your way. You always were an off
horse Eyes, my dear" replied
Fogg, land an off horse, you know, is
always on the right side.
4 noiseless roller-skate has been in
vented. There is probably no device
the ingenuity Of man can cohtrive that
will make noiseless the man who uses
such skates the first time, and sits
down upon the back Of his head with
his legs shooting heavcnward Nothing
but death.
All the noted astronomers lived very
long lives. They were obliged to in
order 10 find out anything worth pub
fishing. The astronomy business is up
hill work, and has been Improbable
until patent medicine people began to
offer rewards for new stars. -NeW Or
lens RcaHUle.
John the pigs look rather queer
Have they been ted?' John-"Yes,
sir What did you give
thcm?" John-"As there wasn't moth
ing else, gave them the milk that was
lettin the cans when the men got back
from the city," Dairyman-'G Great
Josephus! What have you done? Run
for the doctor.
Father, queried young Henderson,
"what is q society event? ?" A society
event is what | call one of your
mothers crazy.quilt parties, if l can
get the editor TO put it in for nothing
If | can't ret it in for nothing | call
it a shame, and ask him when he's
going to print something the people
like to read
What name does your husband call
you by?' said bride to a friend who
had been married several years; docs
he call you duciy or loveyP My dar-
ling calls me ducky." Does he?
Mine used 10 call me popscy-wopsey.
but he doesn't use that term now"
What does he call you then?" "He
calls me, Say there' S0merUule
Journal.
"How often do you present your bill
to that young fellow" said gentle
nan to a cigar-store man whom dude
told to charge him with package of
cigarettes. Quarterly sir What?
You don't mean to say you trust him
for three months?' .'Oh, no, of course
not. Quarterly in this case means
every time the bill amounts to a
quarter. "-Nerchant Tailor.
A California editor, who has evident
" been rusticating to the fullest extent
of the term, is moved to remark phil
osophically that 1.-THE passion for illicit
watermelon is something which age
nor inhrmity has power to COO" 1t is
thus that vice has ever sought TO justify
Itself. but it is painful to see it boldly
Haunted in the face of the public. -
Indianapolis JourRal.
MY son. asked a proud father,
after the usual greetings upon the
young mans return from college,
have you microscope among your
traps?" "a microscope, dad?' re-
piled the astonshed youth. Yes, my
son; you have been in college, you
know, four years, and thought if you
had microscope handy should like
to see how much you had learned"
They were strolling in the green
fields, and he was telling her of his
love. just as he was on the point of
asking her to marry him 4 cow which
was concealed by bush few feet
away, mooed long and loud. Did the
girl faint away or run away or scream'
No. She gave one little imperceptible
start and simply remarked: go away,
COW. As YOU were saving. George