West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1884-03-07

return To owner" and .another:" Please
return back No name or address
was appended 10 any of these rogue ,ts.
The address VIII CD follows - really
good The person who conceived Il
was not less sharp" thln the expert
who solved the riddle 4 letter was
mailed at Linn with only this super
scriptiOn;
Wood
John
Mass
The Lynn postmaster gave il M and
sent it 10 head ,uarters One of the
''gucssers' grappled with it, and this
was the result: John Underwood,
Andoycr. Mass. ~ Ii was so sent. dc.
livcrcd To John, and the envelope re-
turned bearing the postmaster's indorse-
ment To that effect.
EPIsTOLARY RHYMES.
Occasionally letter writer rambles
IN the green helds of poesy, and invokes
II his aid the tuneful muse. Below are
afcw addresses that have found their
way TO the Dead-Letter Office. 1t IL
true that both rhyme and measure are
q little lame in spots, reminding us of
the idyllic lays of the "Sweet Singer of
Michigan. but such illusions must not
he scanned with too critical eye. The
irst was on a letter returned from
Cleveland.
Now hasrc with this letter as fast as Won can.
Tor I've Just paid your fare TO good Uncle Sam
inc caSe Is quite urgent, 50 don't stop to
Don't larry for lunches or even a drink.
Lyman street you Will very soon find,
"herc the people are honest, good-natured
Frank Taylor. the man To whom YOU must 90.
Hes at 81 Lyman street. Cloveland. Hio.''
Here is another addressed to town
in Ohio.
IF this lotter goes right II VIII go straight
10 INC district town i'm this great State;
10 the site Of Captain KirkwoOd's fort
Mhich now Is known by name Bridgeport
IN iielmont county this town takes rank
A. inc 'orn"r.cSt one on the river bank.
ana when FOR the owners name You sock
LOOK ont for the man with the greatest check
The o1gcst feet and head like a puukin,
ana hhnd her over to j. G.. Duncan"
This one skips on at IA lively, rafting
gait:
Hello :, unclo sam. let me 40 in your mail.
nor We taken notion 10 ride on IA rail
10 Ilinus state ana there let me STOP
nnd In Mclean ounty Just Let me drop
IN Leroy IOSt-ONCc. there let me stay
Till Reason r. Wilson shall take me AWAY"
The trouble in this case was that the
writer forgot to put a stamp on the let
ter. The postmaster at the Office where
1t was mailed contributed the following
on the envelope and forwarded it e.
Washington:
Played out, my dear boy,
There's no use in talking;
III you can't pay your way
YOU II have to try walking"
The next is suggestive of the land OF
road-agcnts and cowboys:
Jack Smith tho web-foot scr,b
To whom this letter wants 10 60
is cutting COrd-WOOd for his grub
In 30 Sc City. Idaho"
The following was written on n letter in
addition to the address. 1t was evidently
intended to answer the purpose of post.
agc-stamp, as this essential thing was
lacking:
Bummer's letter. shove 1t ahead
Dead broke, and nary rel;
fOStinasier, put this letter through,
Ana whcn get paid TN pay you"
This one was addressed to a lady:
Garry me long AT rafting rate.
INTO wash. County Kansas state
To the Wash Post-officc lot me come.
In MISS carrie Warrington carries mo
The pun in the last line can scarcely
be awarded the first prize, but it was
lost upon Carrie" for she never re-
ceived the letter One more specimen
OF this class of postal literature will suf-
iice
To George w. Knowles this letter is sent
went.
No matter who wrote IT, u friend or n foe.
10 the state OF New York, l want It to co.
- H"StnJton Cor CHRISTIAN Herald.