davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
wanted a Divorce.

A few days ago, says the Kentucky
State Journal, a middle-aged coun-
tryman walked into the office OF a
prominent Newport attorney and
took a seat, when the following con-
versation took place.
Il called in to see about gittin' a
divorce from nay wife.
'Ah; and what 3eems to be the
difiiculty?"
"Well me and jimmy are alwars
quarlin," and | think it would be
better if she would 60 back to her
folks and | stay where | am. She
can take the three children with
her."
"On what ground do you want a
divorce?"
We'll, you see tit just this way :
Jinpy's the most skeerish woman OF
tramps We ever seen, and so when
we 90 up stairs to bed she wants me
to look under the bed for man,
when | knew there amt no man
there. So you see that rlles me and
| get mad, and then there's a fuss,
and | don't have no peace and can't
have no sleep, and | am hard
working man"
You can't get a divorce on those
grounds, sir"
Il can't?"
"No, sir"
"Well, then, know what I'll do.
I'll go home and saw the legs off the
bed close up so man can't git un-
der, If | had thought ofthat sooner
| might have saved all this time
coming in here"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
Little Abe"

The following facts were given by
gentleman who served through the
war aud in the company with Lit
tie Abe who is believed to have
been the youngest person enlisted.
The gentleman could net recall the
name OF the lad, who was known in
the army as Little Abe" and who
was enlisted at Jefferson barracks, a
short distance from st. Louis, Mo-,
May l, 1861, as drummer, at the
age of seven years and l month. He
belonged to Company Z, Second u.
5. Infantry, Captain, afterwards Ma
Jor General Steel. The reasons which
influenced the acceptance OF so
young a recruit was that his father
was in the service, and his mother
dead. There were no relatives who
could or would look after the boy,
and SO. with the consent of the army
authorities, he was put with his ia
ther in the army.
Little Abe was a favorite with
both officers and men. He display
ed at all times the coolest bravery
and utter ignorance of fear. his
favprite position was II the front
rank in battle, and as soon as he
saw a soldier fall disabled he would
throw away his drum, seize the mus
ket of his fallen comrade and load
and fire as coolly as the most hard
ened veteran, although his dimlnu-
tive size and strength did not allow
him to elevate the gun without some
kind of rest. In the early part OF
his army experience, at one OF the
battles when the Union forces found
it necessary to take up position IN
the rear, Little Abe got possession oil
q gun, and when the army was iorc-
ed back his drum was captured by
the Confederates. He was reprl-
manded and told that when re-
treating if he could not carry 1t with
him he should destroy it. Ever al
ter this in battle when he saw a
chance to get a gun he smashed IN
the heads of his drum, and then de
voted his whole time to his prefer
red employment of popping at the
rebs. At the close ofa skirmish one
day be, was found crying. Some,
body inquired what uoubled him
and received an explanation to the
effect that he had been unable tc
fnd a gun not in use, so he mad been
unable to do any shooting. The men
of Company E wanted to fiji him out
with Il rifle made in accordance
with his size, but the desire was no
granted, as according to the regula
tions he must carry drum. Little
Abe passed through the war with
out receiving would, although al
ways IN the front rank and in many
engagements. OF his career since
then nothing is known to the writ
er. Correspondence Boston Globe.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12

Since the retirement of Charles
O'Connor the most prominent mem
Der of the New York bar is unques
tionably William NJ. Evarts. He
can outcat, outdrink, and onttalk
any three men, and all at once, too
At the Beeeher trial Judge, jury, and
counsel, at one time or another. all
succumb bed to illness, except Evarts.
He continued without intermission
to spin his diurnal sentences, start
ing with the subject in the msrniug
and closing with the predicate in
the evening, the two hyphened
through the MONDAY by chapter
of Cicero. And murderer in Tex
as is said to have received a regu-
lar William NJ. Evarts sentence-99
wears
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
Blown from q fast Train.

TRENTON, n. j., Feb. 29.-Secreta-
nv of State Kelsey this morn
ing started for New York on
the two-hour train on the Reading
Railroad, which leaves this city at
S,03 o'clock. When the train was
between Pennington and Hopewell
he started to go from the smoking
car to the next TO it. The wind was
blowing a gale. 1t came in heavy
gusts, and just as the Secretary step
ped to the platform one of these
gusts, roaring through the space be-
tween the cars, caught up his slight
form like feather, hurled it clear
off the train and left it to fall to the
ground several feet from the tracks.
The flying body of Mr.. Kelsey was
seen by some personsi II the smoking
car, and the train stopped at once
and backed up to where he lay.
The passengers and train men
ieaped OFF, expecting to find him
dead. Instead, he was lying in a
soft bank of mud, where he had fall
en-. He was picked up and carried
into the parlor car, where be quickly
began to recover from the shock, and
il was discovered that no bonees
were broken and that there seemed
TO be no other injuries more serious
than bruises and cuts, chiefly on
the left leg and hand. Mr.. Kelsey
was carried through to Jersey City
on the train and there was placed on
train for this city, where be arri-
we'd at ii o'clock He was taken TO
his rooms at the Trenton House, and
although unable to walk or exert
himself seemed to suffer only from
the shock of the accident. News OF
the event spread rapidly and friends
were quickly thronging to his rooms
20 congratulate him upon his escape
He was able to receive them heartily
appeared almost as cheerful as them.
selves. No fears are entertained tha,
any more serious results than a few
days compulsory rest will ensu,
from the accident.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
The First Shave.

THE first time in a BARRIERS shop
is an event of importance in every
young mans life. He viii wait, in
some cases, three weeks after deter
mining to do 1t, and en- the eventful
day he has been known to sneak by
the shop seventeen times, summon
ing up his courage for the trying
ordeal. On entering the door he
feels that every one in the room
knows that this is his first appear
arce, and that they are microscopic
ally searching for his beard. The
barber gives him a hard look when
notifying him that it is now his turn.
But he has determined TO put on a
stiff upper lip, as worldly people say,
and so through the operation with
the stolclsm OF veteran. He is re-
markably sensitive TO ridicule, and
not for the world would he have the
barber know that this was his first
shave. So he sits on the arm of the
chair. instead of on the seat. and in
gettirg down lies too far back
When he brings up his head, be
hastily does 1t, and knocks over the
stool in the operation. This causes
the blood to rush to his face, and
the embarrassment which produces
it is not all modified by detecting the
barber exchanging significant glances
with the operator at the next chair.
When the lather is being put on, he
cannot control the working of his
imagination, and he finds himself
possessed of an irresistible desire to
smile sheepishly. This proneness
to grin is inexplicable, bat it is in
separable from the first shave, and
the victim is obliged to resort to
every facial artifce to overcome it,
and then doesn't succeed.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12

Messrs. Hiscox & Co. call special
attention to the fact that after April
16, 1888, the name and style of this
preparation will hereafter be simply
Pdrker's Tonic. The word Ginger
is dropped, for the reason that un-
prineipled dealers are constantly de-
ceiving their patrons by substituting
inferior preparations under the name
of Ginger; and as ginger is an un,
important havoring ingredient in
our Tonic, we are sure that oul
friends will agree with us as to the
propriety of the change. There viii
be no change, however, in the prep
aration itself and all bottles re
manning in the hands of dealers
wrapped under the name of "PARK
ER's GINGER Toxic" contain the gen
uine medicine if the signature o
HIsoox & Co. Is at the bottom of th,
outside wrapper.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
ALL FOR NOTHING
Why the Doctor was DisGusteu,
what Might have DJen done
without film.

" Well, wife, said DR.. VI, as
entered his house, which was =
tel III a cosy village IN ceutri.
York, ," | have got back irom
and dreary ride away down aM
tie mountains, ana all 10 10
pose whatever. The messeu-ei
the man wouldn't live ill uorA
when the fact Is he had only a-
dlnary attack of coilc. 1.-the
pletons had only had sense eng
to put u BENSON'S CAPLINL
ROUS PLASTER on his a,0-
ne would have been all rI-lt il
hour or two. But some i0iAs
slow 10 learn" added the old pi
clan, swallowing the cup %! s.-
ing tea which his wife lad
poured for him.
DR.. f was right, yet people
learn, even though slowly.
rapidly Increasing use OF Bsns
plaster proves tins beyond que.
and the good doctors are ccrai.
be saved much OF their ne--
toll. la all diseases capable o
ing affected by a plaster, B-a-
acts efficiently and at once.
genuine have the word CAIt
cut in the centre. Price - q.
Seabury & Johnson, Cnemlsia,
York. m-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
A Southern Darkeys Prayer.

One of the most remarkable anC
original prayers ! ever heard, salc
a gentleman to a Herald reporter
recently, "was just after the wal
closed and | was taking run dowr
through Georgia in hopes of finding
a desirable cotton plantation. One
bright summer night found me al
the cabin of an old negro, who had
once been a slave but who located
on the plantation after the war and
was his own master. He gladly
welcomed me to his humble abode
and to such bed and board as he
could provide.
supper over, and a most excel.
lent one, too, the old man regaled
me with stories of plantation life
until his son, a good chunk of a boy
came home from neighbors. Be
fore retiring the Old man asked me
to read chapter in the bible, when
be would pray. Hesaid he couldn't I
read but be was powerful in exhort-
in and PRAYER. Reading a chapter
from Job and part Of a psalm, we
knelt down and the old man left his
soul flow out to God. Even IN the
uncouth language of the old slave
every word was sublime, and seem
ed as coming from one inspired.
| remember one passage remarkable
for its beauty and unapproachable
as a figure. Said he: "lf | had &c
wings eb a dove. I'd mount de gol
den steps to de New Jerusalam, an
dip my fingers in dc blood of de
Lamb an write de word Redemp-
ton on de blue vault of heaven.
He prayed for the President of the
United States, all his cabinet, the
army the navy, the Governors OF
all the states, for me his guest, for
his neighbors, for absent children,
for himself and family He asked
forgiveness for many sins and thank
ed the lord for many blessings.
"Wen, | began to get tired. l
had rested nay knees the best | could
but wanted to sit up badly, and at
the same time did net want to give
offense to my kind host. The boy
reclined next to rae with his head
in chair sound asleep. Touching
him gently, | whispered: About
how soon will your father get
through ?" Has he got to de place
where Moses crossed de Red Sea?'
Being assured that said point had
not yet been reached, the boy yswn-
ed and continued: Well. when he
gifts to whar Moses crossed the Red
Sea he's iist half done and he re-
lapsed into Inconsistencies. -DaV-
ton Herald
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
Eight Acres Enough

When | acquired title TO t.
homestead and the great ban.
/ the hundred-acre farm. uow v. F.
down to eight, doubts appesr.t
the ability of succeeding ona.-
surface, where a former ura.-
bad required a much larger
Beginning with a retail route.
neighb0ring city, | cumue.r.
sell vegetables and suppH4
steady and growing demand
fresh goods right from tho r.-
This finally took the lerm o..
gardening in my deteruIr
each year to add to NY list q
duets such new varieties of ST.
bles as the popular taste d5nr
and which were uusuppGed FL
home market. TINS Heces,,
learning a great deal in expera
both by success and failure Do
ing the articles called tor. bu. D.
articles raised were new and /
all the supply, my trade grew a;
Some things were dropped
the list as Improbable by rg-
the very limited demand. for
found that If q market can b-l
ted any vegetable can be sc.a
remuneratlye price / dstgm
on uniform and mcdi.m %!
which would insure csafdaLe
/ the customers and deter cuups..
while it insured a safe au. e
market for my products. Ny
est trouble was in lack @. D.
money to bay what | inprra,I
needed in the prosecution Of ,G.
form of gardening. There
sashes for hot beds and q D.ac
store, in q half growing coati.
such crops as | wished to marso
winter in q fresh state, such as 4
flower, lettuce, endiye, parsley '
celery, etc, but time has at last
come these difficulties, and
now, after twenty years Of laho.
cured a business IN my nearest
four miles away, which has, s.
distanced all competitors.
Now, what is the moral? Sir
this, that where the right cou4i'
exist a man can support a tamI
six persons and sometimes mo.
eight acres, and do it year after
Besides, / keep three and sonnet
five cows, and always one u0l
all this on eight acres. The
grows richer, the buildings are
good as at first, and the w9-
force, besides myself is equal t
man eight months, ana ole
twelve months. | have lately "a
a hothouse, have fifty psartrees
twenty-five grapevlnes In bea
with a fine young orchard col
on all fruit 1 have set with my
hands. | thought at first that
acres was too small. but / now
it is land enough. l have li
work hard, too hard some o..
time, but | have found leisure
to read, enjoy life and keep ug
the times.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
Lincoln's Perception.

President Lincoln was not schel
ar, out he was student OF human
nature, and he knew men. A gooo
illustration of the Presidents sagaci
ty in dealing with men is giv,n IN
the following anecdote, published in
Blue and Gray"
Jack Williams was brave ser.
geant of regiment which, undrllled
and undisciplined, had joined the
army of the Potomac, just as the
terrible campaign of 1864 began.
Before the army reached Peters
burg, Jack commanded the COM
pany, he captain and lieutenants hav-
ing been killed. His gallantry was
SO conspicuous that he was recon-
mended for a captaincy in the regu-
lar army.
Ordered before an examining
board at Washington, Jack presented
himself dressed in a soiled, torn uni
form, with bronze face and uncut
beard.
The trim, dapper officers compos-
ing the board had never been under
fire or reughed it in the field, but
they were posted in tacticts and in
the theory of war.
Theugn shocked at Jacks unsol-
dierly appearance, they asked him
all sorts OF questions about engineer
ing, mathematics, ordnance and cam
paigns. Not a single question could
Jack answer.
What is an echelon :" asked one
of the board.
Don't know" answered Jack.
what is an abattis ?"
"Never saw one.
"A redan ?'
"You fellows have got me again,
replied Jack.
"Well, what is a hollow square,
sir"
Never heard of one before guess
they don't have them down at the
front, do they ?"
What would you do, sir, if you
were in command of a company, and
cavalry should charge on your
asked a lisping fellow, in white
kids.
DO, you fool" thundered Jack; -
would give them Hail Columbia
that's what I'd don'
This ended the examination, ano
the report Of questions and answers
with the adverse Judgment Of the
board, were sent to President Lin
coin.
HIS private secretary read the re
port to him, and when he came tC
the only answer that Jack had given
the President said,-
Stop? read that over again"
That's Just the sort of men ou
army want y said the President
taking the report and dipping hi
pen in the inkstand. On the bacl
of the paper, he wrote in clea
hand
Give this man a captains com
mission.
A. LINCOLN.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12

Millions of crows rOcst
night in the PumpkinyIne I
region, III Georgia, and thely ca
is almost deaiening. Their VT
breaks of large limbs OF tue
and their yoracIty threatens
crops for many miles around.
about sunset they begin their
from the lands on winch the!
been feeding, and the flight L
tinued until about Two hours
sunset.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
why January 1 is New Year.

Every one knows that January
is the beginning of the yea, eu'
not every one knows why 1t is SO
II marks no natural division Of time
nor any event in the worlds history
which would give it such distinct
ion The winter sol.tice-that is
the perisd when the sun appears tc
reach its creates southern declension
OF further point south OF the equa'
tor. occurs December p, nine days
before the new year begins. The
summer solstice, another natural
division of time. occurred on June
y. a point nearly as far removed
from the new year as the calandar
permits. The natural divisions OF
time which suggest themselves at
once to the practical observer are
the winter and summer solstlces
and the vernal and autumnal equl-
noxes, periods at which the days
and nights have equal length or
their greatest difference. These
having been neglected, the moons
phases would seem TO have been
most likely to be fixed upon. But
imperial Caesar, who in 46 B. c. gave
us our new year, governed by carPice
or reasons Of the most temporary
duration, departed from the former
Roman system of reckoning the
winter solstice and made the com
mencement on January / for no
better reason than the desire to IN
augurate his reform with a new
moon.
The Casarean system, devised by
the aid of Losigenes. constituted the
ordinary year of 365 days and the
fourth or extraordinary year OF 366.
The subdivision of the year into
months was similar to the present
system. This division of time,
though imperfect, is still practlced
in Russia. The error was in giving
the wear 365 4 days which is too
much by about eleven minutes.
Pope Gregory NH ordered October
5, 1892, to be called the 18th, and
that all centurial years which are
not multiples of 400 should not be
leap years, which omission Of three
leap years in every 400 years gives
the civil year an average length OF
365 DAYS, 5 hours, 80 minutes and
II seconds, which still exceeds the
true solar year by fraction ofa sec
ond. which amounts 10 a day oEly
in 1856 years. The present, or
Gregorian, system is used by all
Christendom, except Russia. 1t
was adopted by England in 1852
and by France in 1864.
Prior to the reformation of the
calendar by Julius Caesar, and many
centuries afterward, the methods OF
dividing time were various, compli-
Gated and imperfect. The moon
was the planet which influenced and
governed most nations, and gave
rise to universal variance between
the natural and civil year. The
religious feasts Of the Christian
church are still regulated by the
moon. The council of Nice provi-
ded that Easter, the central point
bv which all other DAYS in the
church calendar are fixed, should
fall on the first Sunday after the
rtt full moon occurring on or
after March q. The complex meth
cd of making these lunar periods
correspond with the civil year is
evidence enough of the difficulty OF
arranging any system for the COM
putation of time by the ''inconstant
moon" Our week and month are
not natural divisions of time, though
some ingenious efforts have been
made to trace some connection be.
tween natural phenomena and the
period of seven days.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12

The extraordinary popularity of
Ayers Cherry Pectoral is the natu-
raj result Of its use by intelligent
people Cor over forty years. 1t has
indisputably proven itself the very
best known specific for all colds,
coughs and pulmonary complaints.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
No Marks.

Mr.. T. VI. Casad, editor of the
Coryden, Iowa, Times, writes that
his little girl burned her foot severe
ly on a stove. One application Of
St. Jacobs Oil, the great pain reliev-
er, cured it completely, leaving nc
marks. By two applications Of St
Jacobs Oil he cured himself Of tor.
turing pain in the side.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
WHERE THE EIRF =.
a"sie No More a aIystery-s..
Across 'he Wo,,,

" Haroun of Alenpo~
Philip Dervai, had ng.,.s s-'l
secret IN nature which ,t leu q
magic seeks to f,thom ~ ,Is q
ered that the true art ofhe,I. '
assist Nature to tarow .s'.'' ot'
etse-to summon. as II . s
whole system to eiec; t,' ''g
that has fastened on q ~. ~
processes all included tbtr'.'' ,''
alton ot the principle of .'f' -
In this the Eastern s--
anticipated the practice nj
physicians Of TO-DAY. NJ ~
Itseliis, nobody knew tbsr-'- -
knows ROW. But we have r
something of the Reasons r'
mysterious tide rIses s,.
Provided the great organ, .
BODY are moi lrreparauly d-.,-
medical science can aIwa,.
and often save. Iet uo r-.-
physician now adheres To ~
barous aud stupid processes :
pletI0u, such dis bleeding. bg
1t was attempted to cure di..
reducing the patients a5,l.g
slst It.
Nowadays We do not len,
the tort to help the sar.,,,,
strengthen 1t.
la this intelligent aad hon.
work 1t Is conceded that PARE
TONIC leads ali other me-
As an invigorant it acts im,a-
ly and powerfully upon thee
ton and the organs o.. ar.
thus giving Nature the a>.-.
she calls for. 1t tuliowstbst
ments OF the stomach, kIor--.
liver are at once relieved or .
No other preparation cMUggz
same qualities or produce, u-
results. 1t Is delicious 10 g..
the best known au,Ilgr.,
Price soc. and 81. Iiiscocs
New York. a,
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12

WILING Z All experience the wonderful
NUi beneficial effects Of
U,g, ,,1Gopr m Ayers Sarsaparilla.
Children with Sore Eyes. Sore
AhEU. Ears, or any scrofulOuS or slph-
ilitic taint. may be made healthy and strong
BY its use.
Sold by all Druggists; 81, six bottles for IS.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12

The story that Senator Cameron
has issued orders to the Pennsvlva-
mia Republicans to support Gen.
Logan for the Presidential nomi-
nation, is too absurd to need de.
NAL.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
UNTIL

| will offer special Bargains
in Goods named below. | ex-
pect to make extensive changes
in my storeroom by that date,
and have many goods that |
prefer to sell at cost, than to
run risk Of getting damaged
while repairs are being made.
These are all new style goods,
and not old stock that | offer.
Please look at the list, and il
what you want, come at once
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12

Hand organs are often accompan-
led by two cranks-one on the end
and the other standing behind.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12
Convincing.

Tne proof Of the pudding :
in chewing the string, but 10 nav. nav.
an opportunity 10 test the as
direct. c. n. Boyd, the Drug
has a free trial bottle OF Dr. Do''
kos Cough and Lung syn. ys, d,
each and every one who Is ann "
with Coughs, Colds, Asthma
sumption, or any affection
Lungs.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-03-12

A maiden effort-The first leap
year proposal.