The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-09-27
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS

An Eastern paper says that dozen
girls from New Haven are taking
tramp through the Adirondack Noun
tains The tramp must be having .
good time. ~ Y. Dial.
The young men at the seashorc
don't seem to be benefited by the
change of air. They are, if anything,
50 young lady informs us, fresher
than ever. -Boston Globe.
A Vermont women Is awful mad
because she mstook London Pwnch
Joke in an almanac for cottage pud-
ding recipe, and made the whole fam
lily Sick with the blues for two days
burlington Free Press.
--'Promise me, dear husband" said
young Mrs. Newbride, affectionately,t
harles -''promise me never, in your
darkest hours, ever to commit suicide.
| am told that it will vitiate your life
in surance. - Chicago Journal.
There is an old fellow in Hamilton
Comfy, Ohio, who is nearly a hundred
and two years of age, he has been
chewing tobacco for the last seventy
five years. Nothing less than stlych-
nine will kill some men. -BurIinqton
Hatokege.
NO." said Fogg, Il never tip
waiter. OF course, l should like %
give the fellows something; but then.
YOU know, If yielded to my feelings
and tipped my man, | should be better
served than the rest of the diners.
Therefore, not to appear selfish, no
frain from tipping altogether. '-Bostou
Transcript.
Molly, / wish you would be better
GIRL said an Austin father to his little
daughter. ..You have no idea how
sorry am that mamma has to scold
you all the time" Don't worry about
it. pa was the reply Of the little angel;
IL am not one of those sensitive chill
dren. Half the time don't hear what
she says. "-Teras siftings.
WHATS all this hear about the
Mother Hubbards? What are they,
anyway" 80, they are dresses that
are not pleasing to the fastidious West
erners. They seem to be afraid Of
them" "Women wear them in the
East, too, don't they?" 20, yes.
they're worn all over" sHave you
ever seen anything in them to be afraid
OFF, 'Yes, my wife. y Rochester Posi-
Express.
domestic Felicity -"John, what 10
that peculiar smell?'' The hour was
late aud he had just returned from the
lodge. That is the incense we use In
the lodge room, my DEAR ..If that's
allyou go to the lodge for don't see
why you can't buy few bottles Of il
and keep it in the house in case Of sick
ness" He merely remarked that he
thought she was incensed enough
already Chicago Tribune.
-ssDo you know Mr.. DuderP' asked
one Newport girl of another. II can't
say that / know him, but | have met
him several times" swell, you ought
to cultivate him." ssWhy, is he any
thing much?" II don't know how he
will be in the future, but now he needs
cultivation about as much as any man
ever met Then they smiled softly
into each others eyes and went their
several ways. Merchant IrGUeter.
-Jones-"Ha! ha! Life will now b.
worth living. l must show this item
of news to my next-door neighbor. He
cau't fail to take the hint. The paper
says some genius has invented noise
less violns for practice and they are
already on sale" Smith (wearily) -
THAT won't help me any. I've got to
have my sleep broken until . greater
boon appears" Jones' "Why. what
could be a greater boon to humanity
than noseless musical instrumeptsP"
Smith (mopping his throbbipg I'm.
pies "Noiseless babies. vi 9(63nf1et-
phsa CAL. 49,