The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1884-03-29
HOW SCIENCE WAS DECEIVED.
Some History of the Fossil Footprints in
Nevada, Told by a Man Who Was There

Mark Twain. in San Franciscan.
1t may be all very well for Professor Marsh
| and Professor Hardness to talk their scientific
| talk about the Carson footprints. and try to sad
| die them onto the prineval man, the Irish elk,
and others who are gone and cannot now defend
| themselves; it may be within the Just limits of
scientific SANDER and research, but it is not
moral For | know the cold facts about the
! footprints. and know they were not made by
| the primeval man, or the Irish elk, or any of
that sect; they were made by the Nevada Ter
ritOrial Legislature and l there when it
was done. 1t was done at the time of
the sine die adjournment 1t had
rained rain all the evening outside,
and it had rained whisky all the
evening inside-inside the fence / mean. for
there were no buildings at that early day-and
neither you nor a much older man could have
! told on which side the weather was the most in
| clement. I was on both sides of it. and some
times on it for brief uncertain season, and
couldn't tell. The footprint quarry, where the
Legislature sat-stood while they could, mean
! was dry alkal fiat, with a fence around it,
when the rain began; Just a dry alkai fiat con
tanning fence full of dry, honorable alkalied
| fats from all over the Territory and In three
hours that aforementioned fiat was absolutely
soaked to the depth of three inches, and the
| others all the way through l make no excep
tion say all was there, and know
! And when the weather moderated so that no
one could venture Out-Outside the fence-these
latter adjourned. They adjourned in the usual
| form-form used by the Territorial Legislatures
of that day, the Speaker bringing down his gavel
on the head of the member mistaken by these
| scientists for the Irish elk-which he, the Speak
er mistook for the fence post remember it as
| if it were but yesterday. Thus dissolved they
| departed thence.
1t was then that they made the tracks. They
couldn't help making them. for the place was
marsh, as | was telling you | saw it done, for
l was there; and L shall now cast upon this pale,
dim void of scientific conjecture
the lurid glare of history. was
there, and l saw them march. The
| primeva man was absent, the Irish elk did not
arrive; the cave bear responded not to the sum
mons, the old silurian ass got left The me
nagere wholly local Part of it saw and
the rest of it l was This is history; this is cold
history, and history cannot lie
The speaker went first He made the large
tracks-the ones that eight inches broad and
eighteen long, and resemble the foot print of
| champagne basket He prime mar in
! two or three ways, and evil in forty, but he was
not the primeval man, just the same reflect
| upon this. l was there, | there all the
time, and 1 knew him we'll, He made the large
tracks And he did it without an effort. He
could have done it with one hand tied
behind him. He said so himself, he
didn't tell so, but he told
others so. His name Welsh; either Welsh
! or Sanders, | don't remember which; but it was
q name that sounded like those. He a
rancher. and did not wear Shoes such not being
| his custom, and when he went forth among the
cattle there was much hay and straw lying scat
! tered about, and with it much other material
material of an elastic nature, mud, to wit, acres
! of 1t; and this material and the straw did of
| truth and by custom combine and form unto
him sandals, as you may say; nay, they were but
! the accumulative achievement of time; that is to
say, time and patient neglect And as the pros
| porous years rolled on his sandals waxed and
| gathered grace andstyle, and also magnitude and
majesty.
| But there was jealousy because of the splendor
of his attainments in the field; there was rancor
| Of tba cuhliYnitv of nc caDdaIO Go
charges were brought against him, and he
! indicted. tried and condemned as an obstruction
| ist Condemned to cut his andals down to eight
| inches broad and eighteen inches long, with
costs; and thus it was with these reduced powers,
| these diminished capacities, that he made the
now world renowned footprints for the primeval
! man.
Such is history, and thus is the primeval man
| indicated, struck from the roster and
| dismissed from further service in this
conflict. l now proceed to dispose of the rest
| of those myths If were gone, and the treas
| ury of history with me they yet could not
| stand; for even the scientific theory that gave
/ them being would be also their destruction.
Because it locates them in the old red sandstone
| period There were no Irish in the old red
| sandstone period. The Irish are comparatively
recent formation. They belong to the old blue
! grindstone tertiary. If these footprints belong
10 the old red sandstone period, what becomes of
your Irish elk What was he doing there when
| there weren't any Irish YETI Answer me that
! Messieurs Marsh and Hardness.
And so | have disposed of the Irish elk. Now
we come to the cave bear, Why honored sir
| when he died out of the world for good and all,
| there wasn't enough old red sandstone in it to
make milestone out Of 1t hadn't begun to de-
! post yet And another thing, the cave bear
| couldn't have lived in Nevada anyway, for there
isn't cave in it, from end of it to the other
except the comparatively recent ones in the
mines. and perhaps here and there in the mining
stocks. Too recent to do him any good. or hard
| ly anybody else.
This disposes of the cave bear as look at it.
| Now, the same arguments that dispose of the
| Irish elk and the cave bear dispose also of the
old silurian ass for they trained together
Now then. enough of that Let conjecture
stand aside and history go to the bat For l
there myself, and | know. The tracks which
/ have been attributed to the Irish elk were not
made by an Irish elk at ALL they were made by
| an Irish bricklayer named Stephen McGinns,
member of the Legislature. | knew him per-
! fecty we'll. He had a hoof-a hoof like cows,
| 1t was birthmark He a high tempered
man, and very handy with his birthmark These
| are truths; these are facts; in word, history.
| For | was there.
| Little remains TO be said. Only this: The
! cave bear tracks were made by Mr.. r. NJ Dag
! gett. now grown honorably famous in other
| walks in life, but still deposting the same iden-
| teal track to this day. let us freely believe,
when he goes unshod-as the sternly simple
| custom of tho pioneer legislator of the Territory
of Nevada in day when virtuous endeavor
! held above the comfort of the body, and Godli-
ness above meretrcious gauds of fashion.
| The tracks attributed to the old silurian ass
were not made by the old silurian ass. l
made them myself, and L make the same
track now, and it appears that even an expert
cannot tell it from old siurian ASS track.
and neither can for that NATTER but it is not
an old silurian ASS track, just the same any
more than l am old silurian ass; yet the per
son who calls the track out yonder an old silu-
rian ASS track, does in effect call me an old
silurian ass, by reason that made that track.
And it must not be repeated. For L have my
feelings well another, and the man that
| calls me old silurian ass and proves it, shall
not 90 out of this world alive. | have said it,
The language may be Incorporate, but the prov
ocation is great.
These scientists are in an ill-concealed sweat
because they cannot tell why there are many