Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-08-01
THE CLERICOMOTOR.

THE CLERICOMOTOR.
There was trouble in the Byesville Or
thodox Church. Old Parson Thorne, who
for the last forty years had been faith
full shepherd to his flock, no longer occu-
pied the pulpit.
Byesville was a struggling little hamlet
when the good man first came there, and
he had seen it grow to thriving, bustling
town. With this material change there
had gradually come corresponding spirit
ual alteration in the minds of the church.
goers, and they began to find the parson 81
simple expositions of the Divine truths a
trife too quiet and slow for the progressive
spirit which animated them, AS to the
parsons personal worth and Christian
humility there was no question, but his
theology was not abreast of the times. At
first the murmurs of discomfort were
heard from only a few, but the feeling
on it grew stronger and stronger until
there could be only one possible climax
the supplanting of the present pastor by a
younger and more advanced clergyman.
The first of these steps had been already
taken; good old ParsOn Thorne had preach
ed his farewell sermon and the pulpit was
vacant. The second move, however, was
found to be far less easy of accomplish
ment There had been an almost unani-
nous desire for the resignation of Parson
Thorne, but when it came to choosing his
successor considerable dissension arose.
The difficulty was not SO much question
of doctrinal belief as of mental and ply
steal equipment. The ladies of the parish
were unanimous in their desire for hand
some bachelor. The men, while willing
to concede this much to the inirmities of
the weaker sex, were equally determined
that the new conner should be man Of
phenomenal brilliancy. In short, nothing
less than Beecher with the form Of an
Adonis would suit all parties. The COM
mittee on selection was placed in very
unenviable position. Those worthy gen.
| tlemen. Deacons Simpson. Simpson and
Grub, faithfully strove to bring about
the desired result; they carried on an ex-
tensive correspondence with numerous
desirable parties and they made on several
occasions visits to neighboring cities. but
all to no practical purpose. The desirable
clergymen, while willing enough to listen
to their proposals, speedily declined them
when they ascertained the Insuf1iciency of
tue salary offered. On the other hand,
those v tho could be secured were found to
be altogether too far below the standard
desired. At last, failing to secure the
wished-for prize through the ordinary
channels, Deacons Simpson, Simpson
and Grub resolved upon bold move.
They inserted an ingeniously-worded ad-
vertisement in prominentreligious jour
nal and awaited the result. Their pa
thence was not put to severe test.
Ga the tenth day folio wing the first ap-
| pearance of the advertisement stranger
stepped from the New Y ork morning ex
| press train into the Byesville depot and a
few moments later was conveyed in the
village omnibus to the Wallingford House.
Ills baggage. metallic-bound trunk Of
unusual size. soon followed him.
| AS he stepped to the clerk g desk to re-
| glster he appeared to be man of 40 years
| of age. He was of medium height and of
spare frame. His eyes were keen and
piercing, and his sallow complexion was
heightened by the extreme blackness of
his abundant hair and pointed NOUS.
| taches.
He registered as "John Rogers" and.
after a short converse ton with the clerk,
which resulted in the sending of the bell
boy on mysterious errand, was shown to
room 16, whittier his trunk preceded him..
A subdued noise of hamnnering was heard
from the strangers apartm ent for brief
period, and then all was still. Half an
hour later gentle knock on the door of
No. 16 announced the presence OF Deacons
Simpson, Simpson and Grubb. The
stranger ushered them in with quiet cour-
tesy, and begged them to be seated.
"Gentlemen," he said, "you are doubt
less aware of the business which has
brought me here ?" /
81 presume" replied Deacon Simpson,
| who was the self-elected chairman Of the
committee, ''you come in answer to our
advertisement
SIN the Trumpet of Faith," added D(a-
con Simpson.
"Jes' so," chimed in Deacon Grub,
sententiously.
"You are quite right" responded the
stranger with pleasant smile which dis
played his fine teeth to advantage, "your
advertisement has indeed brought me
here" .
The committee eyed him critically.
"You won't mind our asking you a few
questions 9'' queried Deacon Simpson.
1--WE have 'em written OUT" explained
Deacon Simpson.
"Here they be-" said Deacon Grub,
producing bulky notebook.
! lone moment, gentlemen, cried the
stranger; II fear you are laboring under
slight Misrepresentation. l am not
candidate for ministerial honers.
The committee looked in establishment
at each other, and then stared blankly
about the room. For the first time they
noticed that half the apartment was par