The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-10-30
HUMOR.

DEAy mutes converse by means OF
signs. because actions speak louder
than words.
ANNEX Canadn" cried the bank
cashier. Heavens, no; / hope not. 1t
would just take away all chances of
success in my profession.
AN open letter-the one that comes
to the house addressed to you in q
lady's handwriting and your wife re-
ceiyes it from the postman.
AN American woman has secured
pa emit for an ash-sifter, and now all
that is wanted is patent continuance
to make the servant-girl use it.
WHY was Noah the best broker OF
olden times? He could feat more
sto k than any other man, and had the
ont re stock market under his control.
"DID you ever keep boarding
house?" asked Jones OF Smith. ~Well,
no; not exactly" was the reply, al
though / once boarded Mississippi
steamboat"
81 AN walt ng for the spring time"
Snga maiden through ner nose,
~FOr can't let Waiter kiss me
Without brother goes and blows
In he bright and balmy spring time,
When TIE bumbl bees do bum,
We can meet within the wo Ddlet
And-yum-yum-y-u UNI!
"CAN dogs ind their way home from
q long distance?' asks an exchange.
It's according to tho dog. If it's one
you want to get rid of. he can find his
way back from California. If it's a
good one. he's apt to get lost if he
goes around the corner.
A LADY who had just returned from
Europe said to friend, "You ought to
hear them lawif and chawff at our
American way of talking over there,
you know" 40 well, we can stand it, Z"
said her friend; we larff and chartf at
them when they come over here"
TINE may obliterate the novels and
make them mansions; it may also make
Christians sinners and poor men mill
lonaires; but it can never take away the
man by the grocery stove, who has just
been reminded of an adventure he had
during the war, and which he would
like to relate to the crowd.
John, the pigs look rather queer.
Have they been fed?" John-"Ye.,
SIR" Dairyman-"What did you give
them?" John-"As there wasn't moth
ing else, gave them the milk that was
lett III the cans when the mon got back
from the city" Dairyman-"GreatJ o-
sephusl What have you done? Run
for the Doctor"
I'm afraid / was cheated on those
lightning rods" What is the matter
with them?' Il hadn't he'd 'em up
more'n month when fearful stroke
of lightning knocked 'em all ways for
Sunday, burned my barn and every
thing III it. "But didn't the agent give
you guarantee?" 20, yes, l wrote to
him and he wrote back very consoling-
ly." what did he say? THAT light
ming never strikes twice in the same
place.
Mas. A. (back from the seashore) -
"AIercy me III ohm, what is the matter
with your nose?" Mr.. a. (who stayed
in the city)-"Why, L did not notice
anything wrong with it." Wrong
1t is as red rs u lobster and shines like
street lamp. What have you been
drinking?' soda water, my dear
nothing stronger. But what Is there
in soda water to make the nose shine
500" We'll. you see, my dear, the
druggist probably ran short of marble
dust, and l suppose he has been charg-
ing his fountain with Illuminating gas. "
-PhilQdelphia Call.
OVELY HANDS.
We sat beneath the budding trees
h Id her dainty hand;
We felt the gentle evening breeze
Sweep DER the sleeping land
saw the slender finger tips,
The bushes on her cheek,
The blooming roses on her lip5.
And thought need not seek
Among the fairest Of the fair
In all tho goOd.y land
To find a wealth of charms SO rare.
Or such lovely hand.
LII Id another hand at draw,
That was "a better thing,
And t the limit when 4 saw
-Four a.es a.d king
-Hatchet.