Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1878-1884, 1884-05-02
TT ia rumored that DR.. Mary Walker rides
h;cvc,e. The afflicted vehicle is entitled to wide

TT ia rumored that DR.. Mary Walker rides q
h;ovcle. The afflicted vehicle is entitled to vide
spread sympathy.
O'DoNoyAN RossA has at last publicly denied
that he ia responsible for the late earthquake IN
ENGLAND, but nobody believes him.
WHAT color does a negro turn when attacked
with the scarlet fever. A suitable reward is Of
fered for the first correct answer.
SENATOR EDmuNps is baldheaded and hae the
dvspepsia and yet some persons think he would
be an ornament in the presidential chair.
RosroN POST: Fred Douglass has been dis
ownad nv one Of his cousins. This shows that
an Ethiopian can change his kin II ne WISHES TO-
srcRErARY LINCOLN parts his beard IN the
middle. This is distressing, but we must not
censnre him too severely. We all have our
faults.
puuADr1,pH1A CHRONICLE HERALD: book
keener should be good slight-of-hand perform
ar. "a he is SO closely connected with ledger DO
main.
A Nrw JERSEY woman aged "a, has just died
from the effects of tight lacing. Here Is d
whole sermon boiled down into meek, unoo'
trusive lie.
DR. BEAN, of Chelsea, Mass, weighs 443
mounds. A wise providence located him IN the
east to keep the continent balanced against
David Davis in the west.
New YORK lady has book in print entitled;
"Reminiscences Of Bedbug." 1t WILL pe
tale of blood and midnight carnage, but WILL
deal only with naked facts.
Carl, eoHURz will soon start on lecture tour
through New England, and the people all along
nis proposed route are locking up their pianos
and throwing away the keys.
WHEN an editor successfully hides $2O gold
niece from his wife, should he be called gold
heater'' or ..wife beater?'-Exchange. Neither
he should be called wonderful strateglst.
HENRY WARD BEEoHER says: "When we get
to heaven no doubt there will be great surprises
for nearly;all of u.s. Our greatest surprise Will
be how the deuce we got there, won't it, Henry!
KING ALFONSO has insured his life. He had
not the least desire to do so but got tired board
ing the agent who tackled him last fall and mas
canned on the premises and pushed his claim
ever since.
man and his wife in COh0es,
One morning came fercely to blows;
They tore and they ripped,
But which of them whipped
There's nobody knows in Cohoes.
Louisville Courier Journal.
THE Khedive of Egypt says he is sadly IN
need Of $40O0O00O. What security can you
offer. Mr.. Khedive, and for what length OF time
do vo, want the funds? Please answer fully by
mail.
In India girls cannot marry until tney are
twenty-five. This is not published an humor-
ous item, but simply to show the dear creatures
of this favored land how thankful they ouen'
to be that they chose America for birthplace
THE white elephant got into Barnum's waste
bssket the other day and ate number or the
poems written on his sacred self, and was soon
afterwards taken very sick. The affair for some
no doubt plausible reason creates no surprise In
newspaper circles.
EASTERN bellies now use an invisible lip oint-
ment Favored with honey. When aduiteratlon
has crept into kisses, isn't it about time for you
+o.onnd vour trumpet, Mr.. Gabriel, and shut
down operations in this wicked. wicked worldk
Toot her, right now.
D.rra.rra d.ilv are dancing and prancing,
n time to the tune that their pet organs play,
While The GOV candidates shyly are glanclng
IInon their supporters 90 sanguine and gay.
awaet ia the music that oolors all contention,
And bright are the hopes of the man nos Deiea:
Bot cold is the day when bis oandidates lett
New York Journal.
BARsum has received over GOO poems on the
zhite elephant and they continue tol come IN
nv every mail. The only blessing We can
aoneeze ont of the matter lies in the fact that
the occupation attracts the attention OF host
~ -hvma aa.assins from the newspapers for the
time being. .... z. ..-.. ~
"How thinly- clad those women look!
Perhaps they call this weather spring,
And Just because it's April think
Straw hats and lightweight coats the thing
wouldn't risk my health like that,
Iwant some clothing on my back;
Spring doesn't come till eng IN May
n. B:-She owns q sealskin sacque.
r.-.- m. II. Journal.
HAwKEYE: 81 hope," she said to the new boy
in school, "that you do not indulge in the
u;cked and filthy habit of smoking cigarss"
..Naw," replied the boy in burst of proud dis
d.;n: .seimme clay pipe and some nigger
head tobacco when you want me to enjoy COM
fort. None o your fancy smokes for me-"
And then. she knew that the new boy used to
clerk on raft.
D....,1v.r;. khev have sOciables