The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1884-11-29
Paragraph Fiend.

An Indian orator is u red he speaker
A pair Of "nippers"-Two old topers'
II Is rumored that Brother Burchard has
added "Remorse" TO his famous allltera i've
sentence.
There are travellers who can not wait Tor
railroad war of rates. They are bound
To 60 at any rate.
The evil things that men do live after
them. Even when an amateur cornetist
dies, he leaves the fatal instrument.
Mr.. Parvenue: James, how many t.
in Boston," Clerk "Only one, sir Mr.
P: $50 supposed. Hand me an eraser. y
Editor Josef NEEDLE, Of Chicago should
cut up the bloody shirt into series OF fall
and winter nightcaps,-AtIdnn C0HstHH-
ton.
The Boston Post says that "St John still
lives" But perhaps the more interesting
question is why.--Propidence Journal ('ep)
The New York Tribune has very pa
thetic article headed "The Rock Amid the
Waves" 1t doubtless refers to Little Rock.
--Uhica O6sercer
Life is short-only four letters in IL
Three. quarters of it is a "lie," and half OF
it Is an "if." Put this on file " II you
would as 'lief'
II isa bad year for honey. All the bees
Blaine, Belva and Ben Butler-have
gone up Salt River.-S@dtogd Eagie NO
body seems to have any sympathy for Salt
River
Judging from the rate at which crema-
tories are multiplying there Will be a ere
nation candidate for president In 1858
Platform: Burn this."-Phi'tdetphtd
Times,
The Rev. DIR. Burchard Is personally one
of the gentlest and most harmless OF men,
The banana, by the way, is the. gentlest
and most harmless of fruit, but II makes
mischief when out of place. ihdtdeiphto
Cal.
The cultivation of mushrooms Is recon-
mended as profitable employment for the
poor. If it is generally followed, we may
look forward to the time when every poor
man can have mushrooms with his porter
house steak.
"rhe knell has struck. The dude must
90" Thus mOralizes an exchange II
Nell has struck, there can be no doubt that
the dude had better get up and brindle.
The New York World, in its good nature
over democratic SUCCESS, admits pun into
its columns from correspondent who, OF
course, ought to be shot. Referring to a
we'll known habit of Senator Logan and the
complexion Of the Illinois Legislature. the
culprit referred to remarks that Mr. To-
gan can not expect-o-rate as L. ). senator
from Illinois after March 4th.
There is frost upon the pane,
And sOrrowful IL Sarah Jane;
For she has no seal skin sack
To wear upon her shapely back.
The hOrrid reason is quite plain
Her old man bet his pile on Blaine.
The mistake Belva Lockwood made was
10 run for president when woman under
the constitution Is not allowed 10 hold that
office. II she had run for mare, now, she
would have been more in correspondence
with her sex.
Governor Cleveland has made n Joke
At an informal reception In Albany Satur-
day visitor said you are the first dem
cratic president ever saw Il am the
first one ever saw myself" replied the
governor,
A minister Is after the society editor of
one of the dalies, becauce An item which
should have read, The spirit moved him
10 go out of town for season" appeared
In print "The sheriff moved him 10 60
out Of town for reason HeirhdHt
TrdDeley.
A bright, thoughtful boy, one summer day
Planted an acorn and went his way.
Both grew, as boys and acOrns can,
TIL one was tree, the other man.
Now mark the reward; Along comes the man
And the tree shelters him, us an oak tree can.
But why stays he there In the moonlight dim
He stole d fine horse and was hung 10 limb
". o. Times Democ,uf.
A Lowell youth who was making a
rather extended call the other night was
asked by the young lady ii he hadn't been
reading the Greedy expedition lately, and
IF constant reflection on the subject hadn't
lead him to imagine he was now in the
Attic regions. what makes you ask that"
said the surprised youth Because you
seem to be under the impression that the
nights are six months long Lo,cN Times
Griggs' Glycer1ne Salve.
The best ON earth can truly be said Of
Griggs' Glycerinc Salye, which is q suie cure
for cuts bruises, scalds, burns, wounds, and
all other sores. VIII positively cure piles,