davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-02-28
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Ladies of fashion starve their hap
piness to feed their vanity, and their
love to feed their pride. Colon. III
There is no surer mark Of the alb
sence of the highest moral and intel
lectual qualities than cold reception
of excellence Chicago Journal.
A young woman went into libra
ry in School Street, Boston, and asked
for ..Man as He is.'' THAT is out"
replied the librarian, ''but we have
Woman as She Should Be. '"-BOstOs
Post.
-''What shall we do with our old
clothes?" asks newspaper writer. He
should save them until he starts daily
paper to fill long-felt want. He will
need them soon afterward. Norris
tOwn Herald.
Let those who've often sworn Of before.
And failed to stick, swear OFF once more.
What II they've oft resolved and tripped7
They yet may stand no more TO fall.
'Tis better to have tried and slipped
Than never to have tried at all.
-lSomerutILe Journal
AT Pittsburgh dog fight, jim, an
imported dog, shut his teeth through
one of the handlers hands. He cut
the dogs throat, and an iron poker had
to be used to pry open the dead dogs
mouth. Pittsburgh Post.
These opera managers are shrewd.
They start their people from the other
side one day. Then it is telegraphed
that Mime. Yelltheroofoff has sailed, and
all the papers publish it. When she
arrives the fact is announced, and the
whole gang secures heap of sdVer-
tising for the show altogether.-Bostou
| Post.
We heard one lady telling of an
other whose bonnet blew off the other
day, and she did not discover it until
she got home. The narrator of this in
cident seemed to look upon it as . very
singular occurrence; but when ladies
persist in wearing postage stamp fol
head covering we don't think it at al
remarkable. Boston Times.
-"Ah, old fellow said q gentle
man, meeting another, $50 you ar'
married at last. Allow me to congrat
ulate you, for hear you have "a OK
cellent and accomplished wife, :.
have, indeed" was the reply; ..she 1
so accomplished. Why, sir, she is per
fectly at home in literature; at home il
music; at home In art; at home in SCI
ence-in short. at home everywhere
except Except whatpn ..eE1
cept at home, R0ston Post.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-02-28
The Managing Mamma and Her Seven
Daughters.

Daughters.
What is this?
This is a managing mamma, darling.
Why a managing mamma?n
Because she is managing or trying to
manage.
To do what?
To marry off her daughters.
My! that is huge undertaking?
Mountainous, my precious.
But those seven gawks tagging be-
hind her?
Sh! Those, dear, are her charming
and accomplished. daughters.
But that sallow old girl with the gig
lamps and stiff neck ? 1tfa
That, my precious, is Mathilde, the
literary light of the family.
How 'sliteraryPn
Well, Mathilde has read Swinburne
and Herbert Spencer, knows two Pro-
fessors of the Concord School of Philos-
ophy, has published four poems in the
Philadelphia Ledger, and can write
verse all night long. Besides, Mathilde
knows four consultations, Mathilde
does, acts in amateur theatricals, and
is writing play. -o
Gracious! and how old is she?
| just nineteen, sweet.
And who is the wall-eyed young lady
with freckles and fever blisters walking
with Mathilde?
That, dear, is Angelo, the beauty of
the family.
How the .'beauty?'
Well, whenever they get up tableaux
at the church Angelo is selected, and
that proves it.
How old is Angelo?
just nineteen, love.
And that one Immediately behind
Mathilde?-the young lady with the
crooked teeth and nose like an india
rubber shoe run down at the heel?
That, darling, is Therese?
And what does she do?
goes to church twice day, says grace
at meals, and works Bible-marks for
every man she meets. H
How old? t55.-
just nineteen.
NextP-the pudding-faced girl with
twisted hair?
That is Marie.
Well?
Marie is the fiirt of the family. Marie
uses slang and purses up her mouth,
smokes cigarettes and makes faces,
and always says what an awful bad.
naughty girl she has been, and is gem
orally as playful as kitten.
Oldp
Just nineteen, dear.
/ q. Next?-the meek little Ounce with
figure like shad? ~.
Madeleine.
Well, what is the matter with her? y
She is the housekeeper of the family.
Madeleine can cook right through four
cook-books; she can make her own
dresses.
Icould have guessed as much my
self.
Sh!-and then Madeleine looks after
everything, and sees that everything is
right, and oh! well there's no end to
the comfort brought about by Made
leine.
| She is just nineteen, too, suppose?
Nineteen last week, darling.
! Nextp-that bilious scarecrow in the
hat? HG
Sh! that, my precious, is Belle.
Well, what is the chronic trouble
with Belle?
Why, Belle has travelled. and she is
the wit of the family. When Lord Muf-
fyn was telling long story to Angelo,
last evening, Belle told him to " saw it
off," and ''cheese it."
That was very funny.
Yes, dear
You say she has ''traveledP"
Yes, dear.
Where9
Well, she has been in Colorado, and
Chicago and Milwaukee.
Her age?
just nineteen, sweet.
Well, now tell me about that poor
little consumptive, with gold teeth.
That, dear, is Celeste.
Nineteen?
just.
Any miraculous talent
Yes, darling.
What?
A "voice."
Cultivated?
Well, Signor Tutti Frutti di Vermi.
celli says that he thinks about 200 les
sons will GGdaveIon - II = Roeto1a (1I0he
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-02-28
CurrencH in Constantin0nIe.

One of the chief difficulties in trading
in Constantinople arises from the cur
rency, or, more strictly, the lack of cur
rency. Very few persons, believe, if
any, are masters. of the question
of prsctical Turkish finance.
There are francs of differ
ent values and piasters of differ
ent sorts; and no definite amount of any
coin is equal to any particular amount
of another coin It is continual rid
die, from which the perplexed and baf-
fed stranger appeals to his guide, who
makes out the money by some mysteri-
Gus combinations but never succeeds
IN making the process permanently
clear. To add to the trouble, change
just now is very scarce, SO that it is
quite likely that the ticket-seller at the
railroad or the steamer may refuse
your money or enforce a large dis
count. If you resort to the money
changers who abound along the streets
you have an object lesson in exchange
which will cost you more than you con-
slider it worth. The mixed condition of
things is somewhat increased by the
two kinds of time which are kept Eu-
ropean time is in common use, but you
find also the Turkish time, in which the
dav begins at sunset. They say that
their system is simpler than ours. No
one can tell when it is noon exactly,
they reason, but every one can see
when the sun sets. The daily paper
publishes the time for the day, but in
what way the clocks kepttime did not
learn. 1t is happy circumstance that
the equanimity of the Turks is not cas-
lily disturbed. Christian Union.
"A cloth saturated in cold water
and laid before the bed at night is suo.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-02-28

Such is the location of Eagle City,
New, in the Ceur d'Alene Mountains,
that the sun does not shine upon it until
eleven a. M, and then only for an hour,
disappearing behind the mountains at
noon Chicago Times.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-02-28

A Bangor (Me.) young man broke
his engagement, alleging that his sweet
heart couldn't cook. She replied that
she could 'scook herrings,' and "you
know darned wen them's all you can
afford to pay for. ','-Bostos 1ramscr4pt.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-02-28

-Twenty-three ostriches stalked up
to the New Orleans Tines Democrat
reporter and began to peck at his coat
buttons, and Mr.. L. ]. Selfridge ex-
planned that he had imported the birds
for breeding, and that they are the best
that the American Ostrich Company's
agent could find in South Africa. They
were brought in padded ostrich stalls
three and half by four and half feet
and five feet high, and arranged in the
ships hold as houses are in city, and
in pleasant weather the birds were ex-
ercised, four at time, in the streets
thus formed. For food they were pro-
vided with 100 pounds of cut forage,
1000 pounds of barley, 5000 pounds of
Natal mealies, 1000 pounds of crushed
bones, 100 pounds of rock salt, 1000
heads of cabbage. 800 lunches of car
rots and 800 of onions.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-02-28
In Favor Of Cremation.

Every one who has seen the opened
vault of noble family has been
shocked by the repulsive objects ex-
posed-the stained and decaved velvet
coverings, the rotting wood, the lead
coffin iattened to half its original
depth. All that can be said in favor
of mausoleunns is that they are a little
less repugnant at first to feeling than
the cold, clayey, damp and dismal
earth grave. The stone sarcophagus is
decidedly the better form of burial, but
it is not procurable for one in quarter
of million, and as the population goes
on increasing the cemeteries win be-
come as Objectionable as the old grave
yards, with their hideous arrangement
of tier on tier of coffins until thesurface
is reached, and the ground becomes a
fRtid mass, carrying death in its swift
est and most terrible forms among the
healthy living. After death from such
diseases as smallpox and scarlet fever
1t becomes necessary 10 destroy by fire
the bedding and clothes of the deceased,
and to extend destruction to the body is
but another step in a sanitary direction.
Repellant as destruction by fire may at
first seem, is it not to be preferred to
the slow and siekening process of cor
ruptlon? Much may be said in favor
of the saving of the expense of the or
dinary funeral-to many families a
most distressing burden when least
able to bear it-of avoiding the many
risks of infection in large towns from
the use of the mouldy mourning car
riage; and where expense is a first OBJ
ject for consideration, the saving of the
cost of the grave and tombstone is not
to be disregarded. The new system
would allow of more frequent monu-
ments, tablets and windows in churches
and chapels, and would be useful in
collecting the records now strewed over
the face of large, cemeteries. The main
difficulty in the way is the provision of
I'public crematoria. Men of large for
tune and landed estate can have their
own funeral temples and crematoriums,
but the great mass of the public will
seek facilities for burning their dead in
vain until public opinion, backing up
the recommendations of the medical
profession and the suggestions of COM
mon sense, shall demand the legisla-
ton of recognized national system of
cremation, and this is only a matter of
time. -Sher5orne (Eng.J Journal.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-02-28

"A cloth saturated in cold water
and laid before the bed at night is sug.
gested by a writer in q Cincinnati pa
per as a sure cure for somnambulist.
1t is calculated that the victim will step
on the cloth and wake up.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-04-04

same from the Senate The amendment was rejected
however by vote &C. The bin was then passed.
The Brooklyn Asseblymen, although they 90 not desire
the bill, TO become law In its present shape voted TOT III
in the hope that the conference committee that VIII I've
Instantly appointed by the Senate and Assembly, tna'
the bill will be amended TO thcir lking
The Senate passed to-day Senator Days Dill 10 ecmpe
telegraph Telephone electric light companies to pat
their wires underground In NevYork City, The Senate
a,so pas,d bin allowing the Controller OF New York to
audit the claim OF Johu I. Maggie. - 40
The Controller reported 10 the Assembly thar flO4az
had been expended during the last four years In ceec
ing SO 396 trespass public lands IN the Adren
dack region. Mr.. Van Colt introduced biz increasing
the salaries the Commits sioners Of Accounts In New
York 10 SIS 600 Mr. Van Allen introduced Mr.. Murphys
bill for the gepsyenen of Efthaye, New1ork, through
acom,uission Consisting of Thomas r. Twedd!e and WIZ
liam n Barker Tue bill extending the time OF the niagara
Park Commission passed The adverse report on Ine
bin relative the New York Transit Cao Company was
disagreed to- and the bill sent TO the committee VI
the Whole.
Governor Cleveland has signed Assembymsn Houses
bill reducing - per the fees OF tue candy HOOK
pilots. 90 . ,,,,,,,
The senate Insurance Committee will report fsvoraoy
Mt Bakers BILL requiring insurance comp lncorpV
rated outside OF this designate the enpeheeu
ent OF Insurance agent whom legal processes
The Senate Comintee on Canals viii report favoraby
she bin abrogating tho Office of Inspector OF PuoDe
The senate Committee on Cities left for New-York 70
DAY. 10 continue the department OF Public works ScS
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-04-04
DIR. HEWAAY NOT 70 PREACH 0NSUyDAY

Trustee Hopkins, of the Madison Avenue
Congregational Church, sat familiar armchair Last
night and while sIaile OF contenment mingled win the
smoke OF his friends cigar he talked 10 TRIBUNE 10
porter about the probable outcome OF rhe sGuabJe.
SAID he;
have seen letter addressed to ono of our
friends In which are Informed that Dr.
Newman does not intend to preach next sunday,
but proposes the congregation to the merces
of Rev. Mr.. Hare, OF sing Sing The contents OF the
letter lead object IN every way to tho minis
trations of Mr. Hare-ln fact would prefer to have
Dr. Newman preach. We can only protest against Mr.
Hare occupying the pulpit of church. but think
that earnest objection should be respected even By
our opponents Yes, although Dr. Newman's services as
pastor were regarded BY US as ended on March 81
pit next Sunday II he has the requisite amour. OF
mpudence to dOlt But he does preach next sunday
then within the next six days we viii play our trump
card and the church discussion will be brought to a
crisis.
Treasurer Seymour said that he had received but ono
resignation OF pew since the first OF the month although
pew rents were duo that date The pew-hOlder was
one OF Dr. Ranneys friends.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-04-04
WASHINGTON NOTES.
WAsHINGION, Thursda

MAsHlNOiON, lnulhudy, April S, 1854,
THE STATEN ISLAND BRIDGEAt the request OF Senator
Mcpherson the bill prepared by tho Senate Committee
Commerce. providing for bridges between Staten Island
and the NewIersey shore reported to the Senate
to-day, and further hearings viii be given by the
tee TO the opponents Of the bill.
TREASURY APPoISTN .NT.The Secretary OF the
Treasury has appointed T. L. DeLand member Of the
Civil Service Examining Board, TO represent the Treas
ury Department.
TO AID THE RICHMOND FAIR.-In the House 10 day a
jout solution was passed authorizing the Secretary OF
War TO loan aud buutng to the Mayor or Richmond.
Va to DO used mt fair be- held IN mat city aid OF
home for disabled Confederate soldiers.
THE OREGON MASSACRE OF '47.-In the House Mr..
George of Oregon, from the Committee on Indian
Affairs, rePorted back resolution, which was
adopted authorizing the Secretary OF tho Interior 10
make an examination into the massacre OF DR.. Marcus
WhtmOre and others In Oregon In ls47.
A TRADE DOLLAR MEMORIAL.-In the House to-day Mr..
Cox of York, presented memorial of the EewYoIk
Mercantile Exchange and merchants and cZeDS or Now
YORK pro estng agaust the passage OF any Dill which
will enable che Government to receive trade dollars in
other way than by purchase at their market value az
bullion. Referred.
WAsHNGToN's SwoRD.-In the Senate resolution was
offered by Mr.. Groomo and agreed to nstrucng the Com
Library 10 inquire into the eXpedlenCy OF
purchasing from the Lewis family for the United states
the sword by General George Washington upon the
occasion resigning his commission " Congress Ut
Annapolis
LAND GRANT CAsE.The Secretary o. the Interior has
ordered suspension fhe proceedings in the Land Office
I'm tho case of the H0umas. Louisiana, grant pending
action OF the Supreme Court and has further ordered
alton OF the lands within one and half leagues
OF the Mississippi River.
ArroKNEYs SCsPENDED.-Wiliam II. Woodward, Of
Carbondale H. and Albert T. Summers. Of Decatur H.
hecR suspended from practice before the Interior
Department as pension attorneys.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-04-04
IN ALLEGED IMP0STORS SCHEMES

NEw-LONDON, Conn, April 3.-The Rev.
william A. T. Smith ooored), who arrested IN this
city last evening npOsto to-day held for trial
He collecting money in all parts OF the county
for eighteen years, and has, it Is believed, obtained
thousands OF dollars in connection with his bogus mis-
sionary schemes. lie pretended to run thea
tIical company, his purpose being 10 get FREQ
passes on railroads, several Of which he had
In his possession when arrested He has made
partial confession Smiths last address No - Tall
man ST., Brooklyn II Is sad that he member
OF tho " Tennessee jubilee Singers"
AtNo % Tallman-st. Brooklyn, Mrs Ward said 70 a
TRIBUNE reporter: "Mr. Smith came here Monday OF
last week and said that he had my advertisement OF
board and lodging in The GLOBE and had to engage
ROOM He was here until Saturday when he left saying
that he was going Little York While he was here
great many people to him In TO sIyer-
sements for actors and singers He engaged young
man IA white NAM at 81 week. He told me that he In
tended TO form a company to give the play OF Tho
Sin about the country for the purpose OF raising
tanning schools there. The people who called on
him were all from Hew-York. He seemed
to know every of that city. At time he said
that expected town in Delaware with his
COMPANY He told OF the people In the house that
didn't seem TO know who he was; that he a great
man, and that President Garhed's sOn, with whom he
had boarded near Boston, had assisted him great deal
I called his attention to picture OF Potter Cooper
night said, THAT "a good man.. He answered,
Yes; but he lot OF money He paid every
day for his roOm and paid for his meals got them
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-04-04
THE DANvILLE RIOT INVESTIGATION

MORE ABOUT THE TERRIBLE VIRGINIA BLACK MAN.
WASHINGTON, April 3.-BefOre the Senate
tho Dsnville Fiot, A. W. Miller
Danvie white Democrat testified that on one occa-
the riot he heard pistol shot at distance
colored man who walking in front of him drew his
yoverand fired answering signal saying Ny brother,
meet YOU" Ho had seen cOlored women butt white
ladies oil the sidewalk s. L. Dance white, of POwhstan
County. testified TO hearing TO crowd OF his
follows that he wanted to get chance to Kill white man.
Aaron Pointer coored OF Danvlle eheir56d the fight
between Lawson aud Noel and said he did not know who
fred first but the cOlOred people would have killed Noel
"Iust you're man and I'm man" Lawson
had done nothing FOR several weeks prior to the fight ex
cept drink and loaf Witness hal been attacGed By
'Sdure Taaerro Arthur Hatcher and George Wilson FOR
voting the Democratic ticket They threatened TO get
rope, tic II to horse aud make moose ont OF one end
and "ketch him in It," Some Colored people said
IIowdy" to him, but visited him Squire ITALIA
ferro advised coorsd TO leave their husbands II
they voted with the Democrats Tho Squire had great
influence around there, because he did work, wore
good clothes could read, and went around with
papers his pocket Ha tried to get the witness
counting to give him up but witness hearing OF mar
red her right away Squire raaferro had stood up well
until the firing began and then he didn't stand up all
Witness did not him until two weeks after the not
Heard from him. however, that II the colOred people
did not vote and could prove was from fear the Coy
would give them two votes for one This was cir
talked Of killing Captain Graves
u. f. Walker, white, ex-Federal soldier and Re
publican. helper In livery stable two OF the
who killed by the ri0or Several white men pcked
Il, one OF the bodies aud pistol dropped from the
pocket He heard oOlors1 man deprecatng the riot
the ground that it brought on DrematuTey He
ten or twelve OF the ccOre1 men in the crowd Of rioters
hoshng and saying t. their colored associates be-
hind, Come on; 1t Is as good time now as ever He
had heard cOOrod planning TO divide up tho stores
IN DauyiIe. The witness said that he was Republican,
but that he voted the Democratic ticket straight because
didn't consider there any Issue In Virginia 1T the
last election except the Niger against the White man,
and I'm for the white every time"
p. w. Valentine, merchant OF Danville, said he
thought he sold greater number OF pistols to the cO0red
people than no did " whites
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-04-04
4 BILL NOT UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

MEMBERS OF THE CoMNITrEE or rIFrY-1HEEs
ANswi II 4 CRITICISM.
Members Of the Committee OF Fifty-tnee
ssid Yesterday that the statement made In The World
and reiterated in The Ereng Pos in regard 10 the donh
fu constutonaty OF the clause In the bill now before
the Legislature which makes the Chief Justice or the
Supreme Coart OF the officers to appoint CO'nsslon-
ers OF Eecton' is without foundation. Douglas camp
bell chairman the subcommittee on legislation In re-
ferrins to the matter said:
The bill was prepared by Committee OF fity-three
aud We did NOT overlook the constitutional provision
quoted by lie Post rhr next clause OF the Constitution
contains the following words " All officers whose Offices
may be created Icy law shall be elected ~ the
people appointed, tue legislature may direct IN
regard this the Court OF Appeals has sac; " But
though they city officers, yet their Offices nave
been created since tho formation OF the ConsiIh
ton. the Legislature ia free to provide TOT tncu
appointment III any manner they may thlnk eL
pedient or TO make the appointment themselves
These are Offices unknown 20 the Constitution IN 1870
The Judges named In the bill who are 70 appoint te
Commissioners of Election, now equally Ill luCu IN
politics and OF high character. Their successors
will probably be worthy OF public confluence lDelF
appointing board was the result OF uoD
conference and mat deiberatOn during the whoe OF
which no oven suggested that such power could De
satisfactorily vested elsewhere. The bill, We think, can
be passed With united effort but any dssensiOn Will en-
DANG IA oh
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-04-04
TIE NEWSPAPER WORLD.

In the recent disastrous fire at Allegan,
Mich Mr.. Don. c. Henderson, proprietor and editor OF
The Journal and Tribune lost Office valued at
$40 600 on which there only 81 600 insurance His
private residence and nne political, historical and
literary library several thousand volumes, incud
many presentation copies, were also destroyed Al
though large and TO some extent rrepar-
able Mr. Henderson has lost and his Journal
stn appes regularly From lsi7 10 1888 he was
nected with THE NLw-YORK TRIBUNE and since $50 he
has published RTE J0ara0i and tribune HIS life has
been an Industrious one and he present disaster will call
Out much sympathy.
John C. Underwood has retired from the management
Of he Cincinnati HetCS Journal and has been succeeded
by Charles NJ steels The paper Is printed in quarJO
form ON the old Ga-ete press
the Biaqhdmlon Republican has begun TO issue a
Bnnday edition.
The Monitor of Manning. Iowa has been cold by s. J.
Wilson a seth Smith tue postmaster.
The Hon John A. Hiestand Editor for many years OF
that s,auncb Republican payer the old Lancaster PENN
Examiner is becoming prominent as a candidate for
Congress ia that district (Ihs !NthJ The convention
meet, on the l2th OF April. he ErImer Ia the ola
time. was a study supporter OF Thad stevens.