The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-12-13
AN UNSATISFACTORY VISIT.
Humorist Tells Why He VIII Never
Again Visit the Family of Tai
maciOus PeeIworth.

mAclOus PeelwOrth.
/ have decided not to again visit the
house OF Talmacious Peeworth. As a
rule, | am fond of children and enjoy
telling them stories of questionable
truth, but of decided moral adornment.
like to lift an inquiring little fellow to
position on my knee, study the kaleido-
scopic dance OF his eye, as costumed
| thoughts chase each other round and
round, but when he becomes too intense
! | want to put him down and change the
| subject. | went over to Tenacious
/ PeelwOrth's the other dav to renew the
/ ownership of a book which had loaned
to his literary wife several years previ-
ously, and which she had promised to
return within week. Talmacious was
not at home, having gone TO a justice Of
/ the peace to swear out a warrant forthe
arrest of man whose longing taste for
fresh pork had trampled his honesty
under foot Mrs. Peelworth and the
| children, especially the children, were
J at home.
| Come in" said the lady You
must excuse the appearance of every
thing this morning. William, address,
ing boy with smear of jam across
! his face, "quit fooling with that
! dog. James, watch Sylvia and don't
let her fall out the door"
I William, friendly little fellow,
climbed up and sat on my knee. "Will-
kiam!2 exclaimed the mother, don't
put your dirty fingers in the gentleman's
mouth.
/ l could not help but show discourage
ment at this attempt. Whether
Youngsters fingers be dirty or clean, l
do not care to have him investigate my
front teeth and seek an exploration of
that territory lying farther back for, /
do not believe that an accomplishment
of his extreme desire in this direction
would naturally extend his store of use
knowledge.
'Gim me this plucking at shirt
stud
lam much inclined toward liberality,
but not realizing Williams immediate
need of the stud, | felt that it was my
duty to decline an entertainment of his
proposition, and to frown down re-
newal of his negotiations.
''Whut you come here fur?'
"Willam!" called the mother, ''don't
put your hand in the gentleman's
pocket. Put him down"
Let him remain said |, at the same
time attempting to put him down; but
he braced his feet on the rounds of the
chair and climbed back to his perch of
annoyance.
James entered the room with pole.
''Take that out ofhere,' said the mother
''Don't swing it around that way. Now
Just look at you!'
He had cracked my head with the
cussed implement.
MY goodness. I never saw such
children. Did it hurt YOU, sir?n
Hurt? just as well ask Il man who
had been torn to pieces by dog if he
were bitten! 80, it amounts to moth
ing" rubbing a lump which had began
to rise MADAM, if my book be con-
yenient, will take it now"
james, what did you do with the
gentleman's book? | saw you with it
the other day
Didn't do muffin wifi it. Bill flungit
in the well"
Don't care if 1 did," exclaimed
William, wiping his jam on my shirt
| bosom; ''vou t0le me ter"
Il declare" exclaimed the poor
woman, wiping her flushed face with
checked apron. II never did see such
children. Itdoes seem like they'll take
the place. James. I'm a great mind to
whip you for that
He had wiped his mouth on the tail
Of my linen coat, leaving a stain as
though had been struck by a ripe to-
mato. William climbed down. | felt
relieved.
You must excuse the uncomfortable
warmth of this room, as had to make
up fire for ironing purposes. We are
having the other part of the house
plastered and we have to use this room
for everything. | am really sorry about
Eyed Jake or the Trail of the Scorpion,
wasn't it?"
mo, it was Felix Holt think"
Sure enough, it was. | didn't read
it. Started to, but didn't like it. Will
lam, take that switch out of the fire.
Now remember. | borrowed Eagle
Eyed Jake from Mrs. Pelberton. l
don't have much time to Did l ever
see the like of that!''
William had iabbed the back of my
neck with the burning end of the
switch. 1t was impossible to longer
disguise my feelings, for the end of the
switch, burned to a coal, had broken
off and gone down my back. l have a
recollection of seeking the woods and
hanging my shirt on a swinging limb.
Twisting around and looking down, l
could see a trail as though a centipede
had used me for a highway. No, l
shall never again visit the house of Tai
malicious Peelworth. -Opie p. Read, IN
COUrier-JOurnaL.
1t comes pretty hard on some serv-