davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03
Where the Old Maids Come In.

"Do you know, SIR" inquired an
American tourist of his companion
while doing England, ''can you inform
me the reason for the fresh, healthful
appearance of the English people?
Their complexion is far superior to
ours, or our countrymen over the her.
ring pond" #
'.Well, l know what Prof. Huxley
says
"And whatsreason does he advance?''
"Well, Huxley says it is all owing to
the old maids. IS
"Owing to the old maids! You sur
prise me-
''Fact. Huxley figures it out in this
way. Now, you know the English are
very fond of roast beef
''But what has that to do with old
maids?''
go slow. This genuine English
beef is the best and most nutritious
beef in the world, and it imparts a
beautiful complexion.
''Well, about the old maids. -
Eyes, you see the excellence of this
English beef is due exclusively to red
clover. Do YOU see the point?"
"All but the old maids. They are
still lowering in the shadows"
"Why, don't you see? This red
clover is enriched. sweetened and fruc-
titled by humble bees"
"But where do. the old maids come
imp said the inquisitive American
wiping his brow YEARLY.
"Why, it is as plain as the nose on
your face. The only enemy of the
humble bee is the field mouse.'
''But what have roast beef, red clo-
yer, humble bees and field mice got to
do with old maids?"
"Why, you must be very obtuse.
Don't you perceive that the humble bees
would soon become eXterminated by the
field mice if it were not for"
''Old maids?"
''No, if it were not for cats, and the
old maids of Old England keep the
country thoroughly stocked up with
cats, and SO we can directly trace the
effect of the rosy English complexions
to the benign cause of English old
maids; atleast that's what Huxley says
about it, and that's just where the old
maids come in. Science makes clear
many mysterious things. and don't you
forget it. n-1eras isifiings.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03

friends anxiety, and he tarIIed his back
for the time upon his manifold duties
and shut himself in his private office
with Fred.
At first he listened gravely enough,
but as Fred proceeded his face became
more and more amused, until, to the
CONSERVATION of the penitent speaker,
he threw himself back in his chair and
broke into roar of laughter.
90" Fred said, sit is funny, is itp
do not see it in that light. Even if
this poor girl is insane"
"Stopn' interrupted his friend
"Don't get angry, my dear fellow.
You really love her, YOU say?''
But Fred was too angry to answer.
"And she loves you-at least you
think so-and you want to know if it is
a durable case, and-well, | will not
torment you any more. Your charmer,
Fred, is not a patient, nor, as far as l
know, lunatic. y
Fred gave a long sigh, but only
looked his eager questions.
''She is my sister, Bessie Atkinson,
who has had long winter of illness
from typhoid fever, and is making me
d flSlG' L lHOl1HG SEG was quite SdIe
from intrusion in that summer house,
as the attendants have orders to keep
the patients away from there, and did
not think of you! But since you have
been prowling around SO long, perhaps
you had better come now and be intro
duced in FORM
''One moment, WILL l have been a
puppy, it seems, in taking her love for
granted; but if have won it?''
81 am her oldest brother, and her
father died years ago. am quite sure
that what [ approve my mother will
sanction, and you must know nothing
could please me better than to know
Bessie has lover esteem so highly as
do you!'
"And-you will not tell her-will
you? my awful blunder?"
Il can't promise. I'll try to keep
the secret, but and the doctor
roared again, .'the idea of Bess as a
raging lunatie! Well, there, won t
tell her, at all events, until you have
told her something far more interest
ing"
And he kept his word so Loyalty that
Bessie Atkinson had been Bessie Read
more than year before she knew that
her husband had ever considered her
an interesting patient in a lunatic asy-
| lum,-N y LedUer
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

1t is claimed that there is q won
derful spring at Toyah, Texas, which
instantly cures all human diseases. 1t
must be a spring gun. There are such
things in Texas.-Norristown Herald.
When girl is wooed by fellow
and he marries her, she sometimes
feels sorry because of the woes the WOO
has brought on her.-OI City Derrick.
Married men have nothing to say
in disapproval of the ''shingled bang"
AS rule, married man doesn't care
what his wife does to her own hair so
Aaong as she keeps her fingers out of his.
Chicago Tribune.
Asking a lady what her accom-
plishments are is, generally speaking,
harmless enough. Still, in these days,
it might in some cases cause embarrass-
ment to put the question, ''Do you
paintp'' p''-Detroit Post.
"A learned man has discovered that
birds lack the sense fof smell. If this
learned man should pull off his coat and
roll up his sleeves he might in time dis
cover that birds lack a nose to smell
with. PHILADELPHIA Call.
"A boy who viii look out for No. l !:
s'Father, what would you run for if the
house were all ablazeP" The old gen.
tleman declared that he should run for
very valuable manuscript. II
wouldn't" responded the boy, II
should run for the door. "-BOsto's
Globe.
Has the right hand of the average
PARAGRAPHS forgot It's cunning, or whas
IS the nature of the washout down the
line, anyway? As yet we have seen 30
reference to the fact that the move.
ments of Henry Irving on these shores
are accompanied by considerable Miss
Terry. .-Teras Stfttpgs.
-''Porter, wake me at Harrisburg,
and the passenger in the chair car
dropped half dollar into the colored
mans hand. At Altoona the porter
shook the passenger and said: "Boss,
we's ies' half way to Harrisburg now. 7
well, what are you waking me for2'
"You see. you done gimme half dol
| lah, sab, an dat's twice as much as
mos men gimme, so | thought I'd glib
you two wakin's for it, one hyar and
one at Harrisburg. "--EUery EUesing.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03
An improbable Lie.

q 'It is getting late. y remarked the
President of the Philadelphia Lying
Club, ''but cannot adjourn the meet
ing, without telling you of curious case
which will, / think, be of great inter-
est: In a certain town, about hundred
miles from this city, lives young lady,
not yet nineteen, with the face of a
Hebe, the figure of a Venus, the mind
of Minerva, the soul of Psyche. and
who sings like bird and plays like an
angel" Not at all improbable, !"
murmured an unmarried member who
is in love. "But that is not all, !" added
the President. .'She has many times
been known to go into the kitchen and
help with the ironing, while her mother
stayed in the parlor and played the
piano Amid the scene of wild con-
fusion which followed the President
made his escape.--Detro6t Free Press.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03
Why Drivers Turn to the Right.

Major w. H. Smyth gives me the fol-
lowing origin of the American custom
of turning to the right on the road:
Our ancestors drove oxen as a usual
thing. In driving an OK team the driver
walks on the left Of the team, so that
he can handle the goad or whip with
his right hand. In meeting wagon
each driver would turn to the right, so
that he could be between his own oxen
and those of the other wagon. Henry
GrGdy, tn Atlanta Constitution.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03

The beautiful and highly-cultivated
daughter of one of the proud old Ro-
man mobiles, the Duke of Gallese, was
introduced to the Italian poet, Signor
D'Annunxio. Her kinsfolk never
dreamed that lady of such great ex-
peetations and high birth could run
any risk by an intimate acquaintance
with man risen from the lower ranks.
The two walked and chatted together,
but, while the young lady's friends
supposed that she was talking of in
tellectual matters, it turned out
that the conversation of the interest
ing couple turned in very different
direction. The Duke learned, to his
horror and anger, that his daugh-
ter had dared to betroth herself
to the poet. As matter of course, he
refused to give his sanction to their
marriage, whereupon the lovers took
the train to Florence, where they were
made man and wife. This last step
made the Duke so indignant that he
had legal document drawn up by
which he disinherited his daughter;
but the father and the man afterwards
so far overcame the aristocrat in him
that he settled upon her for life year
ly income of 5000 lire. The story has
since obtained an almost tragical COM
pleteness by the separation of the Duke
from his own wife. He accused her of
having secretly favored the cause of
D'Annunzio, and of allowing the lovers
to hold interviews after the father had
prohibited all further intercourse be-
tween the two. He has consequently
broken up his household in Rome, made
settlement upon his Duchess and de-
clared that he will henceforth live and
die as if he had neither wife nor child.
London Echo,
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03
4 CAPTURE

Ycapcht it: yet 7 am not proud.
have no smallest will
Ta yaunt myself and seek applause
FOR having displayed skill.
II cost no skill; the easiest thing
Tn life it was to do; t.A
caught it without use of bats,
SHARES. nets, tricks old or new;
ssSstiII / am not vain of that,
As may be have been .---sE
Sometimes at facility
That made me quick to win.
Ieaught it; yet am not proud,
And you are quite unfair
10 saw that parade il, though,
And show it everywhere.
ri rather not; it's not my fault
The capture will obtrude-
Though / would hide it il ! could
Persistently and rude.
nj who am / to wax eiate
And step braggart and bold?
Ieaurht it, but am just as meek,
For have caught-a cold
-ETd II. Baker, in Springfield tMdss.l Repub
II
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03

New York has woman auctioneer,
the only one in America. She comes
from England, where it is not unusual
for women thus to utilize their linguis-
tic fuencY.-N z. San.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03
The Liability Of Bank Directors.

The large defalcations at the River
Plate Bank have set people asking once
more whether bank directors have
right to consider that they hold sine
cures. A few years ago one T'Kindt,
a clerk in the Banque de Belgique, en-
bezzled E920,000, and it was elected at
his trial that his depredations had ex-
tended over three or four years. A
Belgian Senator sat on the board of
directors, and he had been deputed
many times to audit T Kindt's accounts.
but he had found it simpler to trust to
that gentleman, and the result was that
he got sentenced to a years imprison-
ment for his good nature. Depositors
and borrowers do not commit their se-
curities to a clerk or cashier whose
name is unknown to them, but to
directors whose names have figured on
prospectuses, and who seem to offer
guarantees for good management. This
is point which directors too frequently
overlook. London Graphic.
Eighty thousand children in the
North of England form the '.Dickey
Bird Society" They are pledged to
protect birds, never to destroy nest.
and to feed birds in winter. 1t would
not be a bad organization for this
country. In combined voice and plum
age our American birds of the woods
and fields are equal to any in the world.
1t was sorry piece of work to import
such useless vagrants as English spar
rows to take their places.
-%-s-s
Disease comes in by hundred.
xzva;crL+s and S~ras r~,,+ bzr o,,noa,
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-01-03

Disease comes in by hundred.
weights and goes out by ounces,
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02
Death of M,s r. j. Bur,lette.

Oedtu O1 MVo IL. DuFOSIIe.
Decatur Republican: Carrie Burdette,
wife of Robert j. Burdette. died at Ard.
mere Pa, Monday. She was an invalid
from her marriage, and the great humor-
list cared for her as he would babe,
giving her every possible comfort. Mrs.
Burdette was the daughter of Auren
Garrett of Peoria. and was married to
Burdette some fifteen years ago. Her
father was opposed to Bob, and he made
the course Of true love Of the young
couple anything but smooth. Bob was
clerk IN the postoffice at that time,
and Carrie was beautiful young lady,
with will OF her own that more than
matched that of her father. One day
the old man commanded her to discard
Bob. She refused and violent aiterca-
tion ensued. Carrie had an underlined
trouble with her heart that this precipi.
tated. She was stricken down with a
spasm. They sent for Bob, and he fonnd
her pale and liieless on the sofa. Here
she managed to express wish that they
might be married before she died, and q
clergyman was sent for. The marriage
of the great humorist was celebrated
amid tears and sighs, the orange bios
SONS absent, and only the pallor OF q
dying face looking out from the heap of
pillows. Strange to say, she Immediately
began to recover, and she soon regained
her former strength; with it however,
was al unaccountable maiady.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02
About tho Capital scheme.

sssV SspseSs 0SstUtAs0s
Scotland Citizen: On Friday last the
supreme court Of the territory rendered
a decision in the capital commission
case. reversing the decision Of Judge
Edgerton. declaring the commission q
legally constituted body aud that it,
oct IN removing the capital from
Yankton 70 Bismarck justified by
law and binding upon the peo.
pie. In this decision Hudson, Church
and Palmer assented. Chief Justice
Edgerton dissented. The action OF
Church and Palmer, conkidering their
associations with Ordwsy, was antloi.
pated, but from Hudson, who, il q poor
lawyer. was reputed to be honest and
honorable, better things were epected.
This ends the matter 30 far a. the courts
of the territory are concerned. An
appeal to the supreme court Of the
United States was Immediately taken
~ the attorneys for the people, but
before the case can be reached and q
decision rendered by that tribunal, the
question will be practically settled BY
the people in the choice Of the members
OF the forthcoming legislature. II the
territory remains undivided and the
capital schemers can, by the use of
money and soft soap; capture few
southern Dakota districts, then the capi-
tai will remain ct Bismarck; but il
southern Dakota is true to herself, to the
honor and dignity Of the territory, the
commission bill, just perpetuated by q
decision as disreputable a. the finding of
the Infamous electoral commission of
1876, will be promptly repealed by the
next legislature and the capital located
in the interest of the people.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02
CONDITIONS.

All the purses for Trotting and Pacing
are for mile heats, best three in five, in
harness, ard will be conducted under the
Rules and Regulations of the National
Trotting Association, of which We are
members.
Four to enter and three to start.
any horse distancing the field, or any
portion thereof, will be entitled only to
first money.
If, owing to bad weather, or other nm.
avoldable cause, any Association in the
Circuit shall be unable to start one OF
more of its races at or before three
O'Clock, p. m, of the last day of it's meet.
ing, such race or races may be considered
and declared "off." and the entrance
money therein refunded.
Heats in each days races may be
trotted alternately.
A record made at Q prior meeting in
the Circuit shall not be bar in the sub.
seQuent meetings Of the Circuit.
Horses vill be called At 1:S0, p. m.,
and started 1t 200 p. m, promptly.
The entrance fee will be ten per cent
Of the purse. fve per cent. Of which
must accompany the nomination, the
balance at the time OF closiuR tho en-.
tries q. .sg,
Running raees % b eovesssd 81 III
! Nev A011iannR RaSso s45
r. 1Ganeed ~ . N sailrual
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02
The Policy Of Wi,dom.

AAo EOnCv OI "lbUOu1s
Grand Forks Herald: In view of the
chances being just as much in favor of
"the Yankton ring" as they might be
inclined to "the Bismarck ring" for the
final decision of the capital commission
case, it behooves the people of Bismarck
to pursue wholly different policy from
that originally mapped out when they
proposed to fight the battle against the
Herald and its friends to the bitter end.
That this conclusion BIS been arrived ct
is nowhere more apparent than in the
policy marked out by the new paper of
Col. Lounsbelry the Bismarck Journal.
Not only does the experienced and
level headed journalist of the capi.
tai city counsel moderation and fairness
in the premises, relying at last upon
"a friendly legislature" which be admir-.
ably says, 'can only be secured by
courteous and just treatment of Others"
but he utters kind words and expresses
sound ideas with reference to the con.
gressional course of Hon. j. B. Raymond
which the herald takes pleasure in re.
producing. Haillng the words of Louns-
berry as significant that the business
men. the real solid men, not
the claquers and gubernational
lick spittles, of Bismarck, are
tired of the incessant praise of defunct
and disgraced executive, it will be o
genuine pleasure to commend that which
we see to be good and sustain what we
believe to be right in tbe people of the
Northern Pacific city. Insofar we vel.
come the bright aud newsy journal of
the veteran Lounsberry as representa-.
tive of north Dakota's true interests, one
that will not necessarily view every
question affecting the future of its town
through the leprous lens of Ordwayism.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02

A Brig In Great Peril.
st Johns, N. B., May 30-The New
Foundland sealing brig, Confederate,
Capt. Thomas Greene, OF Harbour Grace.
with crew of seventy.nine, was caught
in formidable ice nip in Notre Dame
Bay April 2sth, aud thrown completely
on the foe. The ship lies over on her
side with her yard arms on the ice On
the Goth of May, five of the crew volun-
teered to travel to land, distant twenty
miles, and report the situation. At i'm.
inent peril. and in an inexhaustible con-
ditiou, they reached Willingate, boarded
the steamer Hercules, and arrived here
this evening. They report all the pro.
visions consumed except bread, and the
last pound of fuel exhausted. There is
q frozen ocean Of ice all around. and as
the ship is now drifting ont to sea, there
10 danger Of the whole crew being starved
to death. A powerful sealing steamship
will be Immediately dispatched to the
rescue.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02
LOCAL LACOIICS,

LOCAL LACOElCS.
June 25th is the date agreed upon for
the freman's ball.
George Bailey has opened his wet re-
freshment department under the Morri.
son.
Yesterday was cold day for the lat of
summer and to-day has not been uncom.
fortably sultry.
Herman DeuchIer has leased Schor.
egge's bakery aud will begin business
there in few days.
"Rank and File" opens Wednesday at
Turner hall and will continue through
the week. A special feature of this mill
tary drama will be tableau OF twenty.
five young ladies.
The jury in the Spaulding land case
retired at half past eleven to deliberate
upon verdict. The court is occupied
this afternoon securing jury in the
second Spaulding land case.
Mrs. Lynch has opened boarding es.
tablishment in Mrs. Swearingen's house
on Fourth street, which starts IN with a
popular representation OF noted food
destroyers. They all go away happy.
Lang & Semple, who are decorating
the interior Of the Morrison, have just
finished the dining room and have placed
upon its wallis an artistic job OF paper
work. They are now paying their atten.
ton to the office.
DeCamp's city bus line has received
an accession in the shape of handsome
bran new bus. bought at Waterloo, Iowa,
at an expense of six hundred dollars.
Mr.. DeOamp now has three buses in his
line and an equal number of drays. His
old buses are to go into the paint shop
and they will come out as good looking
as new.
The members of the executive com.
mittee appointed to make arrangements
for the frenan's ball on the 25th inst,
are requested to meet at the truck honse
tomorrow evening for consultation. The
following gentlemen compose the com.
pose the committee: Teller company
II. 81. Brisbine, J.. J. Dnffaok, Charles
Taylor; Champion company-Charlea
Brown, J. l.. Boone, ]. T. Coxbead.
The ladies bazaar exhibition at Turner
hall will open this evening and continue
through tomorrow afternoon and even.
ing. The hall is beautifully decorated
and divided into booths, prominent
among which are the fancy work booth
the Japanese booth and the fine ART
booth, all attractive combinations Of ar.
tistic work. The hall is scene of beauty
we'll worth looking at, and there will be
. stage performance by skilled amateurs
which will be worth more than the price
OF admission.
Ordway has gone to Chicago to worl
up boom for himself for reappointment
in which he will be assisted by his ap
pointees from various portions Of thl
territory-men who have been given po
sitions with the understanding that they
are to 40 his bidding upon all occasions
| 9aukton 10 represented in this delsctsbls
rang BY B. r. Wagner and A. J. Faulk
nsmbers OF the board Of insane asyluu
, tsu,scss, both appoiutess Of Ordway and
- hired ns1. paid itou the tssfitosia
'Iessasasy ioe thsir vosa.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02
ELECTRIC LIGHT in Ysnkton.
Call and see the new Electric lamps
at WARD & VESTS.

Mrs. Phillips will open class IN Lus.
ira painting aud needle work. on Mon.
day, next. Stamping ON plush and velvet,
in the best method; also ON silk
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02
Cause Of Failure.

Want of confidence accounts for half
OF the business failures Of to-day. E. M.
Coates, the Druggist, is not liable to
fail for the want Of confidence in DIR
Bosanko's Cough and Lung Syrup, for
he gives away bottle free to all who
are suffering with Coughs, Colds, Asth-
ma, Consumption and all affections Of
the Throat and Lungs.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02

There appeared in this paper about
eight months ago, the names of A. S.
Lewis and A. Graves, which went in by
mutual consent but which is now
changed. You will ind the undersigned
ready to do brick work, plastering. and
kalsomining in the best manner. En-.
quire at second door Broadway, corner
of Sixth street. A. GRAVES.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02
For and in behalf
First Publication, May 9Th.
NOTICE FOR PUBLICATION

Land Office At Yankton, d. T.. May md, 1884.
named sesssr R.s sa es notice sna of hia intsas
ton to make final; proof in support Of his
claim. and that said proof will be made before
Wednesday, June 18th, 1884, viE: Honesteaa
proof of Maurice Etzserald. for the eoutheast
quarter OF section IL in townahip @. range
to prove his continuous reaidence upon, and
cultivation Of said land, viz: Pat Riley. John
fitzgerald, OF May field, YAnktoR county, d, n,
Daniel McDevitt, Of Yankton, Yankton county.
d. t.; Thomas Riley, Of May6eld. Yankton
'' = = a.AwETTER Res;.s.r,
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02

All those owing the Michigan and Chi.
cago lumber company must call at once
at Mckinney and ScougaPs bank and
settle with cash or note. have returned
to Yankton for the purpose OF closing up
all unsettled business, and those not
settled will be left with justice OF the
peace for collection. J..D. HAsK1Ns.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-06-02

Wanted-Board ind room for wife,
self and child, in private family. Willing
to pay fair price for good accommoda-
tions. Address for two weeks, I. w. g.,
Lock Box O, Yapktop.