davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14
Pie and Baked Bean, Microbes.

An indiscreet and perhaps marvellous
person who once breakfasted with the
late Ralph Waldo Emerson has re-
sealed the fact that :, Mr.. Emerson, was,
accustomed to eat pie at breakfast.
This revelation has naturally caused d
very painful sensation and not atfew
persons who had a"hitherto admired
what they conceived to be the philoso-
phical ideas expressed in Mr. Emerson's,
writings have suddenly discovered that
Mr.. Emerson was, not a philosopher, and.
that his writings are filed with the
vagusness that characterizes a. mind
warped and weakened by pie. DR..
Hennll the eminent Cincinnati micro
scopist. has at last made q discovery.
which throws flood yoi light upon the,
action of pie. It has heen noticed by
more than one observer that the baked,
beans of Boston produce symptoms
closely resembling those produced by
pie.1 DIR. HEM has discovered in baked
beams a microbeito which he ,ascribes.
all tho painful symptoms which affect
bean,eaters. He inoculated a dog;with,
this microbe. and the animal al once
developed tendency to wander vaguely
about the yard, a total want Of interest
in wholesome and appetizing bones, and
a fondness for sitting on end and gazing
silently at the moon, with tears trick
ling from his eyes. After suffering from,
these philosophical symptoms for three
days the dog died, and, his liver. was,
found to be swarming with the baked
bean microbe. DIR. Hem next SUBJ
jected an apple-pie to the microscope,
and; found the baked bean niicrObe pres.
ent in countless myriads in the pie crust.
IL Il Al:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14
Where the Strength Of Parties Lies.

The Republican leaders and journals
make the most out the assumed tact
that the bulwark of Democratic strength
is in the Southern States. The i'm
preston sought to be made is that the
old free States, the ''loyal States -
during the war, are solidly Repub lean.
This presentation of the political status
of the Union is specious, asviewed from
sectional standpoint When ana
lyzed the assumption is shown to be
without any real foundation. If the
States which furnished the bulk of the
Federal army in the civil war be taken,
it will be found that in the most le-
cent elections they cast more Demo-
cratic votes than they did Republican
votes. The number of troops furnished
in the civil warby the following States
and the vote they cast at the most re-
cent election were as here set down:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14
How Tobacco Is Taxed in Cuba.

Last year the Official gazette pub
Hshed an order from the Minister of
the colonies that the remaining surtax
OF i've per cent. en- export duties on
tobacco should be abolished from July
I, this year, but the shippers of tobacco
find that the Custom house continues
to charge the old ak. To their COM
plants the Administrators answers that
he has no orders from Madrid to grant
the reduction. This causes shippers
loss and annoyance, As their calcula-
tons were based upon the formal and
lawful disposal, by the home govern
ment. which remains unexecuted
through the negl gence of the home
government as well as of the Cuban
administration. Besides this, it appears
that among the reforms contemplated
tobacco has been overlooked entirely,
which has caused much Indignation, as
this article has to bear many burdens,
one OF which IS that the export duty is
levies on. the quintal without regard to
the quality or the price of the article,
thereby establishing a detrimentalss ur-
charge on the cheap tobaccos. The
same is the case with cigars, which pay
an. export duty on the thousand with
out regard to their cost. 1t is urged
that the Cuban representatives should
insist upon the concessions asked in
favor OF tobacco-growers and mer-
chants.
According to an official publication,
Cuba has at present 1 1921, 6oI inhab-
itants. OF these 1884, 500 are of the
male sex. OF the males As, 698 are
Cinnamon, and 7,9l4 are of other for
eign nationalities. Of the females.
3. 800 are foreigners, including 81 Chi
neses, and 24z,3sO are negroes and
mulattoes. The island having ali area
of 1883 square kilometers,s the
density Of population IS Ii inhabitants
to the square kiloneter. Puerto Eico
has 131, o1o inhabitants to an. area of
a,314 square klometers. = Chicago
Times. .a -
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14
How Blaine got His Start.

the Governor of Maine who gave Mr..
Is blaine his first Gift" was the executive
entrusted him with the settlement
ke States claims, at Washington, in
em09 81. As the result of that settle
d ex-f, that Governor died of mortifica-
sexe- many say by suicide, and Mr..
-. in became q millionaire. On the
.ossi same his success as claim agent,
psen; ness het up as lobbyist in gun
sri& hva4Dand he succeeded in selling
pms, Government many thousand ri aes,
which proved worthless, and many
thousand more that could not be found
in ex stence, either with a microscope
or search warrant. A venal district
then elected and long continued Mr..
Blaine as Congressman. In that body
he was put on the Committee of Appro-
priations and in the Speakership. Both
are positions of great Importance. On
the committee. Mr. Blaine did colossal
business of inserting or leaving out
items, according as the lobby bar
gained. He could hardly have had
ideas of the Presidency then. because
Ehe. with braten effrontery. per
united the corruptors of 1egisia-
ton to present him with o MANI
moth silver urn, on which his name
was lettered, as .sthe king of the lob
by" When he became Speaker, he
began that campaign as, a professions
al candidate for President which
fifteen years were required to effect. He
persistently put the worst men on the
committees which had most money in
them. He put a price on every ruling.
and took his pay in railway securities
and coal stock. He ostentatiously
maintained the style of a prince, on the
$4,000 salary of a congressman. He be-
came hail fellow well met, with every
political scoundrel in the country. He
discovered. in 1876, that his sins had
kfound him out, and he escaped expul-
NON from the House by getting elected
etkthe Senate, into which he ran like q
pursied felon into city of refuge. In
that year and in 1880, his machine
preparations to force nomination for
President were oyer-thrown by the hon.
est instincts and prudent apprehensions
81 bis party. In 1884, Elkins, Chaffee
and com pany carried q balance of pow
.er oyer-to him by bribery and by foul
deafswith Logan. His nomination has
ahenated the intelligence and honesty
of Repubh tanism from that party, and
.he stands W the unique position OF .
<4&asstt ~ AttAoueg tS0 the TeitectlOH Oh d
[chaxacter. running for President of the
Qnite6 States. Albany Aryus.-
MnsBlaine d6clsres that che is
mot one Y6 proves deadhesal-in any
EenterpriA = kef lkerds he 10 ssen
a 81 - q entirely infa-
mbus I'd man who Gyuld yenaE-
zait thai 1Ahy other place in the coun-
Try: A man who will Administered hon
kestly, not one who would market the
patronage and its powers over legisla
'tien, is desired by the people.-A Y
World.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14
Our Young Folks.
THE WORSTED DOLL.

Once upon q time he was. oh, 20 gay,s 20 tssfs
Hnt with Worsted tassels bobbinY every way;
Coat with yellow bottoms, shining one and alt
And although he wriggled when he made q
bow, &
And although his jacket At him anyhow,
1t was rather cruel, take it all in ALL 8fs4l
To so laugh and giggle at the worsted doll.
For he smiled right sweetly. and he did his
best
To look gay and happy when she loved tho
! rest. - - $3.50 ss4sE {.
Now the rest are broken. Paris May and all,
And the only live one e tho worsted doll
+ - YOUTHS ConlpaniOss.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14
1............ AaA..1u
n Wardsskruck the
a1sss s sS @a K e as ss's'

! IRE personal magnet
lis f------;; onward, old-fashioned
ihl here is in an entire
ed knights. -
VDemocrat will lay his
tnbition, his individu.
Notions on the party
larry sacrifice to the
Elaine violates good
i active part in the
/ his letter may be re-
On0ee e. Day. az !" f''s"sn Aa-
ydigan letters show that
| marketed his rulings as
! Valuation of hundreds of
| dollars to wildcat rail-
| ~tlrtr.ny-and got the money
Jig Argus.
W-Blaine was active in turning the
Iooublican party over to the know
| .nAhings when the cry of down with
the foreigner was raised. Still we are
informed by certain fools that the Irish
will vote for Blaine.
There have been two or three
prominent Republican officials in the
past twelve years who have proposed to
turn the rascals out, but in the end the
rascals have turned them out. For
further information inquire of B. III.
Bristow. 6
Nothing in this campaign has
been more amusing than Elkin' vouch-
er. 6 Mr. Blaine knows all about the
proprieties." Belknay should match it
with certificate about the equities"
and kellogg with one about the ''yeraci-
ties. "-EIchanqe.
Tho New York Tribune, under
its present editor, III the winter of 1873,
denounced Blaine "as bribe -taker and
bully" The change wrought in it
since was not a change of heart, and
William Walter Phelps, who made the
change. knows just what did it.
by settingsup a veto-shop in the
White House Mr.. Blaine could treble
his salary every month Congress was
in session, and he is Just the man to do
it. But the approvals that can be
bought and the ve.Oes that can be sold
are not the kind the honest men of the
United States desire.-E1chnage
AS poor Logan reads the COM
ments on his letter of acceptance he
must not fail to remember that it was
the New i DIRK Tribune which drew at
tention to his eminent claim to the Irish
vote, based on the allegation that he
was not even on speaking terms with
the English language. Tile argus.
Mr.. Blaine's long delayed and
much-labored letter of acceptance is at
last before the public. The length of the
document is inordinate, and if it is an
example of what he will be capable, in
the way of elaborate composition. when
he becomes President. we are afraid the
newspapers will at once cool toward
ain.-Cttca Press.
---Mr. Stephen B. Elkins has lately
remarked that the vote of Indiana is
largely question OF finance. Mr..
Elkins shouldn't give away his tactics
so early in the campaign. People may
suspect that he is not a great states
man, with hat full of brainy schemes,
but merely fresh politician with ample
bowels. Cincinnati Enquirer.
There is, of course, great deal
of bluff and buncombe about the claims
of Republican editors and managers in
the matter of the October and Novem-
Der elections in West Virginia. The
game probably is to frighten the Demo |
Gratis into, over-exertion in State which |
is sure to them, while the Republicans
devote themselves to places left Demo-
cratically weak. 1t will not work t
Cincinnati Enquirer. Il
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14

in. India cats are sometimes at.
tackled with cholera, according to a,
French authority, and may communi.
cate the disease to man. 81
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14

-Blaine's letter may have fallen
like a wet blanket. but Logan's the.
say, rescmbled crazy quilt.-Ez.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14

The whole number Of troops in the
Federal army during the civil war was
2,659,00o The States in the above list
furnished three-quarters of them. Yet
in the most recent elections they. cast
$4,000 more Democratic votes than
they did Republican votes. 1t is true
that the latest elections were not close
party tests. and that larger Democratic
ma critics were polled than may oidi-
narily he expected; but any person ac-
quainted with the political complexion
OF the States cited knows that, taken in
the aggregate. there is not great ma
iority for either patty in them. The
figures show that there is no truth in
the claim that the States which fought
the battles of the Union are over
whelmingly Republican. The great
central belt of States is Democratic,
aud has been so for more, than ten
wears. The white-yote of the country
the Caucasians who have made the
United States what they are--are Dem
ocratic in the proportion of three-fifths
to two-fifths, at least. Any fair test
will show this to be the truth.-&. Louis
Republican.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14

American electric lights are in use
In nearly all the countries of Europe,
in 1ndis, Africa, China, Japan, Mexico
and South America.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14

"A writer in the Boston Gazette says
the calf is the restaurant-keeper' best
frield, inasmuch as it provides bis bill
of fare with mock-turtle soup, chicken
sala chicken croquettes, pot-pie, boned
turkey. turkey hash, veal. in its various
.nnmasked forms, and indigestion.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-08-14

-Spurgeon tells an amusing story of
the old lady who. started up when her
grandson was about to take her UNI
brella, exclaiming: .'No, now. you
don't. I've had that umbrella twenty
three years, and it's never been wet
yet, and you amt going to begin.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13
Taking All the Christmas Fun Out
of His Wife.

1t was coolly planned and deliber.
ately executed in cold blood. They
sat by the fire, and as he perused his
paper she was busy with thoughts Of
Christmas. BY aud by he walked up
and asked:
"Did any parcels for me come up
to-day ?"
No, DEAR" she replied, as her face
grew white as snow. Have you been
buying anything ?"
mo, nothing much. happened in
at Blanks this afternoon, and, as he
was selling out his slippers at cost. |
bought me three pairs. Guess I'll be
fixed for the next ten years to come.
Observation-Disclosures" she gasp
cd as she pressed her hands upon her
heart.
YES, and Dash came to the door as
! was going past, and asked me in to
look at his stock Of dressing gowns" "
And and"
And bought me a couple. Rather
handy garments you know, aud these
are something extra nice"
DO you mean to tell me that you
went and"
why dear. how you tremble," he
interrupted. "Ye-. | bought two of
EN- and when Dash happened to men
ton that / ought to have n smoking
cap. some new shirts and smoking
set and cane, | told him 70 60 ahead
and send 'em Up. I'll order a new
silk hat, wri-tlcts. gloves, slecve-but,
tons and neckiies tomorrow. and then
| guess I'll be provided for. Come
and kiss your dear old hubby.
But she didn't. She rose up aud
clawed and gasped aud rushed out OF
the room with fearful eyes and clench.
ed teeth. All her Christmas surprise
was handicapped.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

You would think that man would for
get politics. as he was falling, and say
bis prayers, or pick out soft place
to strike on the side walk, but he
didn't. As he passed the hod carrier
he yelled TO him, Don't forget the
caucus tonight in your ward and get
out all the boys He struck in a bed
of soft mortar, which saved his life,
and as they took hoe and pulled
him to the surface he scraped the NOR
tar out of his eyes, and as doctor
came up to set bis bones he asked the
doctor If he had made up his mind
how to vote this year. No, sir, there
is no room in a politician for any.
thing except politics. was never 20
annoyed in my life as | was once in
church when they put n politician in
my pew, and when we got up to sing
aud opened the hymn book, the politi-
clan had a Republican presidential
ballot under his thumb, and / had to
read it all through. Dear me, if you
can get your pa out of politics, do it,
if you have 10 scare the life out OF
him."
"Let ma and me alone for that"
said the boy. 1--WE are experimenting
with phosphorous, and some night
when the campaign is fairly opened,
and pa comes home late at night act.
lug crooked, he will see the hand.
writing on the wall of dark room,
and the skeletons and snakes and AMI.
mails and things that will visit him
will break him up. If every polit.
clan had good little boy to look after
him he might be saved or killed, which
would be better than lingering in poll
tics to be cut down like a flower after
he had gone through his property and
lost his health" and the boy went out
to learn hos to draw skeleton on the
wall with phosphorous, and the gro
ceryman sat and thought of his own
experience as politician.-PseksS Sun.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13
A Dark Cloud on the Face Of a
Young honeymoon.

mo, George, I'm not going to take
my shoes off.
YOU'D better, dearest
mo, | shan't. Just like IA not the
train will run off the track. What Il
place this is for lady to sleep in.
Catch me taking off my shoes, nor
anything else this night. Why, any.
body can come along here and pull
these curtains right back
"Why, dear, it is just rs private
here as in your own room. No one
disturbs any one else on a sleeper.
You know | travelled a great deal be-
fore we were married. Now come,
pet, let me unite your shoes for you"
You shan't, George. tell you !
won't take my shoes off, and ] won't,
80 there. / am going to sit up here
and lean against this pillow and look
out Of the window all night. and III
be ready dressed for breakfast in the
morning. You can sleep down there
If you want to."
He argued, reasoned. cntrcnted and
commanded, but the six.hour bride re
mained firm, and it vas evident that,
dark cloud was on the face Of the
young honeymoon The last thing We
heard before going TO sleep was the
beginning of what hc said was his last
appeal.
We didn't hear the end of it, but
awoke next morning and found al!
quiet in the next berth. All the other
passengers were soon up, and the por.
ter had their beds metamorphoscd into
seats. but still the bridal couple slept.
Finally they were reused by the con.
ductor, and after forty minutes of
1oundering in the lower bunk. and
frequent whispered inquiries Tor sun
dry missing nruclc-, conspicuous
among which was my other shoe.
there appeared plump little woman
with frowsy hair and a pair Of pretty
hlushrs. which dcoyousd and uidenod
surprisingly ne she met the gaze Of her
fellow passengers. II was apparent
that she had At last rclcnicd.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

the men left, and he said he went
over to the shanty the day before, to
see who was burning his wood, and
found the men discouraged. They
offered him some dog. but il wasn't his
dog day, so he refused. They asked
him about moose and buffalo, and he
thought they were making fun of him,
and was going to whip the whole party.
when they told him what they were
after. He said he thought he would
split with laughter, but he finally told
them what cussed fools they were, and
that there wasn't n moose or buffalo
within two thousand miles of Them,
and only few deer up in the north.
ern rart of the state, and il was against
the law to shoot them. The men held
a consultation, and hired the farmer
IN take them In Winneconne, where
they embarked for New York. The
farmer said, when they showed him
their "moose dog" little black and
tan, that would have difficulty killing
rat, he almost died laughing. The
Oshkosh men have kept this matter
very quiet for fear of being arrested
for stealing dogp, but this story ac-
counts for the fact that Mrs. Asior
didn't serve any moose or buffalo from
Wisconsin, at her banquet. 1t seems
singular that men will be deceived rs
these men were, but an Oshkosh man
would deceive anybody.-Peck's Sun.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

WHEN she called TO consult the di.
vorce lawyer she was in . terrible rage
"What charge do you prefer against
your husband ?" asked the hymenial
bond breaker.
"Why," exclaimed the woman, burst.
ing into tears, 81 had two teeth pulled
the other day, and caught a cold,
which swelled my jaw so chat the base
mRcrcant told me to my face that he
was going on an all.night racket be.
cause wasn't IN \ condition to scold
him when he came home. A man who
will do that is actually too mean 70
live with 50 there J"
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

A USEFUL voice I'D give $500
for voice like yours" pleasantly re
marked a Chicago man 20 - middle.
aged Boston woman with keen eye,
a sallow visage, and long jaw. A
smile Of grateful vanity illuminated
her face at the implied compliment as
she coquettishly asked And what
would you do with itf" I'D use il to
frighten my wife's mother away from
the house, answered the praire-red
brute.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

"wAs Early Man a Savage" asks
magazine writer. That depends. If
the early man was dressing to catch
the 4 p. NJ. train, and his collar button
fell behind the bureau, the probabili.
ties are that he was about as savage
as they make 'em.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

II your wife begins to wheedle
around you about this time and give
you considerable thfy. don't regard it
as an increase Of affection. II is mere.
y preliminary to a request for a new
bonnet
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

A WILKEsBARRE man took his seat
in the barber's chair; he asked the
barber If lie had the same razor be
bad used two days before. Being ar.
swered sffirmatively, the patient man
said, "Then give me chloroform."
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

WHILE a Chicago girl was bending
over a washtnb a man slipped up be.
hind her and kissed her. She had
him arrested and Il jury has just de.
cided that be is not guilty and that
she must pay the costs. The majority
of the jurors had monkeyed around
washtubs themselves.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

A BROOKLYN girl who was engaged
to Chicago man has mysteriously
disappeared. II is supposed that some
of his other wives called on her and
they told her all about him. Some
women are mean enough to do any
thing.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

WHEN a Chicago girl goes into a
shoe store with u sweetheart she winks
NJ the clerk and asks for "Langtry
two.." Then they take her into the
hack yard and try them on.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

4 CHICAGo girl sa:d she couldn't
rem, inter the rumbcr Of her shoes.
aud then got mad because somebody
sa,L 1t Was a good deal TO tax ones
mind with.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

4 WOMAN applied for place a. a
street car driver. Can You manage
mulcs?" asked an employer. II should
smile she said. I've had Two bus
bands"
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

A MEDICAL writer says that girls
are so constructed that they cannot
jump. If he is a respectable young
man, let him propose matrimony to
one Of the girls and he'll soon see her
jump-at the offer.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

A WOMAN in Georgia wants di-
vorce because her husband refused to
let her know the combination of his
safe. For sake of keeping peace IN
the family man should let his wife
know the combination of his safe
and keep all his money in bank.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

A LAWYER was summoned as n wit.
ness in a certain case. The judge
finding that the witness was lying bad
ly, interrupted him. saying: beg Of
you to forget your profession for a
moment aud tell us the truth.
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

LEr not your fields nor your minds
lie inllow too long they will produce
crnp nf weeds. and weed. are much
reader to take root than tn leave
Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1884-03-13

-Lowcsi prices. Everything new and
fresh. at 6armnn's.