davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08
MISCELLANEOUS.

A false hunger ought not to he
soothed. nor false thirst to be salts
fed. for satisfaction here is only adding
fuel to a fire that would otherwise go
out.-N. T. Nail.
According to the annual police re-
port of England, recently issued, l2.4l1
children under ten years of age We're
lost in that country last year. Only six
were recovered.
The Southern darkey has n belief
that amounting the eyes of shying
horse with water in which chameleon
has been boiled, will cure the horse of
the bad habit. Courier
Journal.
Some of the cleverest detectives in
New York are women. They are of
the different types of beauty and mind
calculated to gain this or that man s
confidence and learn his secrets.-N. Y.
Herald.
Two little boys planted third,
standing, in the sand on the beach at
Long Branch SO effectually that when
the tide came up they couldn' get him
out. and but for timely aid he would
have drowned.-N. Y. San.
rs a handful of beads and the business
end of feather. This is better bon
net than that of last season, which re-
sembled an embroidered dishrag.-
Chicago Inter Ocean.
ut was amicably arranged" re
piled the Texas gentleman to the Coro-
ner. Il called him liar. and he de-
manded an apology with a six-shooter"
And did You make one?" asked the
Coroner, 81 did, sir" 'Was it &C.
cepted?'' "Yes. SIR SLOW was it
then that you shot him?" Il had to dc
SO TO make him understand my apol-
ogy.-Teras !Sittings.
I. H. Lardner, Secretary of the
New Orleans Water Works Company,
claims to have clarified great reser-
voir of Mississippi River water con.
tanning 12,75o,00O gallons in twelve
hours, at cost of one cent. per l0C
gallons. by continuously pouring into
the stream of water running into the
reservoir solution of from q.
Times.
--Farjeon, the novelist. might have
made sequel to his BREAD and Cheese
and Kisses out OF the DAYTON romance
where young married man kept his
bride in cage and fed her with bread.
bologna sausage and kisses. The revolt
of the wife took all the romance out OF
the story, but that would not spoil it
for an expert novelist.
Herald.
One of the Concord philosophers
is credited with lucidly remarking that
life means feeling, and feeling means
the presence of a principle in all its to-
tally in every portion of an extended
whole; only such presence could con-
stitute an extended or a continuous
whole, since an extended whole which
was not all 1t once present to some
thing uneNtcnded could not be extended.
Such life must be worth iving.--Har-
per- Bn.ar.
A young woman. who thought she
was losing her husbands affections
went to a seventh daughter of a seventh
daughter for a love powder The mys-
terry woman told her to ..Get piece of
raw beef. cut flat, about half an inch
thick. Slice an onion in two, and rub
the meat on both sides with it. Put on
pepper and salt. and toast it on each
side over red coal fire. Drop on il
three Jumps of butter and two spri@s
of parsley, and get him to eat it" The
young woman did SO, and her husband
loved her ever after. Atbany journal.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

Mr.. CHEATEM-Mr. links, why don't you
sell this Hippopotamus Axle Grease i'll.
stead of the Frazer.
MIR. JINkS-Because our customers ask
for the Frazer.
Mr.. CHEATEM-I'd have You know tina,
one box of the Frazer costs us nearly as
much as two bo5es of the Hippopotamus--
while we sell them at the same price.
Mr.. JiNKs-But one box of the Frazer will
last rs long "a three boxes of the other.
Mr.. CHEAIEM-Tha;'s just it-hy selling
this Grease you not only make twice as
much profit, but they have to buy three
boxes of it when they would only have to
buy one of the Frazer Grease.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

A physician in one of the large
charitable institutions of New England
devoted TO the cure of bodily iniirmi-
ties told an attendant to note the num-
Der of patients who expressed thanks
for their recovery. ThereSult was that
out of three thousand patients whom ne
attended in a given time only three ex-
pressed any gratitude TO the physicians
who were instrumental in restoring
them to health. Boston Journal.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

A LITTLE boy sat on the floor playing.
Suddenly he sat up howl. "Henry, what
is the nIatter!" asked his mother. 'The
cat scra ched me-" "Why, the cat is not
here. When dill she scratch you!" "Yes
terday." well, why are you crying
nov ~ ",CanS.. | form of i thnn.n
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

A LITTLE girl being sent to shop to
purchase some dye-stuff, and forgettid,
the name of the article, said to the shop.
man: "What do folks dye wi;h:" "Die
with? Why, cholera, sometimes" replied
the shopman. "Well, l believe that's the
name. l want TO have three-penny-
worth,D
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

Two MEN, both named Hill, and a man
named Poorhouse, all ran for office out in
Kansas, and the latter was elected. 1t was
n case where the votes went over the II lis
to the Poorhouse. DON'T shoot. )-ErdRs-
vile Argus.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

lists and phys ans have oIiicia ~ re-
ported ut there is no ale iuat substi-
tute 70. the natural food o in ants, par
ticularly during the first year OF life.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

No EFFORT has ever been made to adver-
tise Lydia L. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound outside our own America; yet fire.
quent calls from other parts Of the world
show that good news will spread. Pack
ages of this medicine have even been sent
from Lynn, Mass, to China.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

"MY son." said Mr.. Thrifty, 1 always
eat the crusts of my bread" "Pardon
me-, papar' replied the youth. 81 know
you io, and so Pm saving my crusts to
give you by-and-by.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

In a coming race horses will run against
bicycles. This, however, is nothing re-
markable. We have often seen q baby
carriage run against man.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

A RARE specimen - Restaurant beef
steak,-ROstDR Post.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

WHEN lady INDUCES in a round of
shopping she might be said to 20 out OH =
buy-cycle.-BOst0n Courier.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

Err good jedge o. er boss is nearly allus
er good jedge o. er man.-IrkdaSdlo
Trnroler
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

WHEN Frenchman kisses his girl he
does it on her forehead. No wonder the
French demand that the bang must so.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

81 HAVE just returned from tour
through Cork" as the corkserew said 10
the stopper.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

THE policeman is nrrestfve sors OF
r.-1Nardthon Independent.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

A DOOR is sometimes AIR and an earth
quake always is.-Lo,reH Courier.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

another Swans Worm Syrup" for few
erishness, worms, constipation,t asteless. 2oc
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

EVERYONE wanting employment should
read al. of Mennonite Pub Co. in this paper.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

IT is about time for somebody to remark
that hav fever is sneezy thing to CATCH
N. y Journal.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

YOU may chide servant girl, but she
Is always ''munl. "-BurliRgi0H Free Press.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

SHOULD the name be spelled Fekin OF
or Picking: Pekin the cyciope'
dia and see.-E.EchIHge
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

THE true Boston girl never speaks Of a
"gallant" soldier. "Girlant" she always
calls him. "GaI," you know, is very vul-
gar,
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

WORTH its weight in pold-An eagle
with a lole in it.-BostoR Globe.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

BEWARE of the incipient stages OF Con
sumption. Take Piso's Cure i'll time.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

Trough on Corns." 15c. Askfor it. Com
plete cure, hard or soft corns, warts, bunions.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

IT is the professional cook who insist.
on wide range in the kitchen.-BoStOn
Courier.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

THE woman who powders her face and
bangs her hair should wear q shot silk
dress.-N. T. Journal.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

Colden's Liquid Beef Tonic
Cures chills, fever, ague and weakness
Colden's, no other, of Druggists,
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

Buchu-paiba." Quick. complete cure, all
annoying Kidney and Urinary Diseases, u.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

Trough on Coughs. '15c., ut Druggists. Com
plete cure Coughs, Hoarscness, Sore Throat
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

Skinny Men, sWells' Health Remover" re
stores health and vigor, cures Dyspepsia,sl.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08
Words of Warning and Comfort.

Words of Warming and Comfort.
If you are suffering from poor health or
.laneui~hng on Il bed of sickness, take cheer
if you are simply aiing, or II you 1eel
weak and disprited
without clearly know
ing why, Hop is;tters
will surely cure you.
II Won are minister, and
have oycrtaNed yourself with your
pastoral duties. or Il mothe-. worn out
labor. weakened by the strain of your every
day duties, man of letters toiling over
your midnight work, Hop Bitters will most
surely strengthen you.
II you are suffering from over eating or
drinking, any indiscretion or dissipation, or
are young and growing too fast as is often
the case,
"Or If you are in the workshop. on the
farm. Mt the desk. anywhere, ard feel
that your system needs cleansing. ton
ing, or stimulating, without intoxicat-
ing. if you are old,
blood thin and impure, pulse
feeble, nerves unsteady, faculties
waning. Hop Bittcrs is what you need to
give you new lie, health and vigor.
If you are costive or dyspeptic or suffer.
ing from any other of the numerousidis-
eases of the stomach or bowels, 1t Is your
own fault If you remain ill. If
you are wasting away with any form
of Kidney disease, stop tempting death this
moment, and turn for azure to Hop Bitters.
If you are sick with that terrible sick
ness, Nervousness. you will find balm
in Gilead' in Hop BitterS
If you are a frepuenter. or n resident OF.
"a miasmatic district tarricade your sys-
ITEM against the seourgc of all countries
Malaria. Epidemic. Bilious AMI inter-
-mittent Few ers by the use of Hop Bitters.
II you have rough. pimply. or sallow skin,
bad breath. Hop Bitters will give you fair
skin. rich blood, the sweetest breath and
health. 500 will be paid for case they will
not cure or help.
A Lady's Wish.
"Oh. how do wish my skin was as clear
and soft as yours" said "A lady to her friend.
You can easily make it So" answered the
friend. How! inquired the first LAZY.
by using Hop Bitters that makes pure.
rich blood and blooming health. 1t did it for
me. as you observe.
None genuine without a bunch of green
Hops on the white label. Shun all the vile, poi
sonous stuff with Hop" or Hops in their
name
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

II you have rough. pimply. or salow skin
bad breath. Hop Bitters will give you fail
skin. rich blood, the sweetest breath and
health. 500 will be paid for q case they viii
not cure or helm.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

If you are a frequenter. or resident Of.
IA miasmatc district, tarricade your syS-
ITEM against The scourgc of all countries
-Maiaria. Epidemic Bilious ami Inter-
-mittent Few ers by the use of Hop Bitter.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

If you are sick with that terrible sick
ness, Nervousness. you will find Balm
in Gilead'' in Hop Bitters.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

own fault If you remain ill. II
you are wasting away with any form
of Kidney disease, stop tempting death this
moment, and turn for azure to Hop Bitters
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08
A Lady's Wish.

"Oh. how do wish my skin was as clear
and soft as yours said lady to her friend.
" You can easily make it So" answered the
friend. How" inquired the first LAZY.
by using Hop Bitters that makes pure
rich blood and blooming health. 1t did 1t for
me- as you observe"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

gNone genuine without bunch of green
Hops on the white label. Shuu all the vile, poi
sonous stuff with Hop" or Hops in their
nAmes
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1884-11-08

If you are costive. or dyspeptic or suffer-
ing from any other of the numerous dis
eases of the stomach or bowels, 1t is your
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-05-22
Spring CateohiSm.

WHY Is rr.-You should be particularly care
full to clean up the system and purify the blood
II the spring, before the approach Of warm
weather. Because the hearty consumption Of
food and tho indoor life of the winter months
result in large amount Of food being taken
into the stomach, q portion Of which has not
been digested This accumulation of refuse
matter forms into decaying mass which poi
sons the system and stagnates the blood
WHAT TO Do-Remove this deposit cleanse
the SYSTEM and purify the blood of all foul i'm
presnations. BY 80 doing you remove the
cause of nine-tenths of spring complaints and
diseases; you avoid malaria, billiousness, boils,
blotches, yellow skin, etc Root out the lin
gering germs of disease and prepare the sys-
tom to successfully repcl the complaints pecu-
liar to hot weather.
WHEN you want to accomplish this thorough
ly and with the least expense, Burdock Blood
Bitters is the medicine Apurely vegetable prep
aration. It searches out and carries off all i'm
purities from the body, purties the blood, cures
indigestion, dyspepsia, kidney and liver COM
plants. 1t is not violent purgative, nor sick
enlng decoction, but medicine that is pleasant
TO take, will do you good and demand your en-
dorsing Burdock Blood Bittcrs as the greatest
discovery in medicine. Sold by all druggists.
Price $l.OO :
FOSTER, MnBuRN & CO., Buffalo, N. Y, Props.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-05-22
British and American Frauds.

An English grocer was fined heavily
and severely scolded by the
court the other day Ifhe ever
summond back on the same
charge, he will not only pay fine, but
will go to Jail. And what do you sup
pose this English grocer did? He sold
raspberry jam largely composed of apple
sauce. The bottle was marked "rasp-
berry flavor" but it was shown that the
oerson who made the purchase asked
or raspberry jam" The grocer did
aot make the jam. 1t was a we'll known
brand from reputable manufacturer.
But that was no excuse for the dealer,
ind he was fined. Now, what do you
suppose would he done with the case of
an American grocer caught selling flaw
ored apple sauce for raspberry jam? It
would be laughed at as an innocent Joke :
and the next time he will sell something
worse than apple sauce for raspberry
am: Why, that is no trick at all for
IN American grocer, who every day
sells deodorized grease for butter, white
sand for sugar, glucose for maple mo-
asses, glue factory jellies, second hand
Tea, artifcally -colored coffee, kaolin
candy, and other indelicacies of the sea-
son. Seldom, however, does he sell
apple sauce for raspberry jam. His
iams are made of ground turnips.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-05-22
A correspondent of the Norwich Rnl.

A correspondent of the Norwich Bull
letin writes: "Rev. s. w. Hanks, a
native of Mansfield, Conn.,, and for
many years District Secretary of the
Seaman's Friend Society, Boston, 50
much resembles the lamented Abraham
Lincoln that once during the war,
while he was travelling through Yer
mont in the cars, word was sent in adj
vance that Lincoln was on the train.
At one station he was urged to step on
tho platform, the crowd was so eager to
see their supposed President. But Mr..
Hanks wisely declined tho ovation, CON
sidering it too much joke for minister
of the Gospel. The mother of Lincoln
was Hanks. Mr.. Hanks, like Honest
Old Abe, possesses genial tempera-
ment, !oviel nature, and = true, honest
Christian heart"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-05-22
exploration of New Guinea,

In connexion with the Waltham
Watch company, it may be stated that
when the proprietors of The Age de-
sired to present Mr.. G. E. Morrison
(the explorer of New Guinea with re-
liable chronometer, acting upon the adj
vice of Mr.. r. L. J. Ellery, the Govern
ment Astronomer, two Waltham were,
however, procured for Mr.. Morrison in
stead. These were kept at the Mel
bourne Observatory for fortnight, and
thoroughly and carefully tested, and
were pronounced by Mr.. Ellery, at the
end of that time, to be better suited for
Mr.. Morrison's requirements than any
chronometer. EXTRACT from the Mel.
bourne Age.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-05-22
Laughter a. a Medicine:

A short time since two individuals
were lying in one room very sick, one
with brain fever and the other with an az
gregated case of the mumps. They were
SO low that watchers were needed every
night, and it was thought doubtful if
the one sick of fever could recover. A
gentleman was engaged to watch over
night, his duty being to wake the nurse
whenever it became necessary to admin
lister medicine. In the course of the
night both watcher and nurse fell asleep.
The man with the mumps lay watching
the clock, and saw that it was time to
give the fever patient his potion. He
was unable to speak aloud or to move
any portion of his body except his arms
but Selling pillow, he managed to
strike the watcher in the face with it.
Thus suddenly awakened, the watcher
sprang from his seat. falling to the
floor and awakened both the nurse
and the fever patient. The incident
struck the sick men as very ludicrous;
and they laughed heartily at it for some
fifteen or twenty minutes. When the
doctor came in the morning he found
his patients vastly improved; said he
never knew so sudden turn for the bet,
ter, and now both are up and we'll. Who
says laughter is not the best of med
icines? And this reminds the writer of
another case. A gentleman was suffer-
ing from an liberation of the throat,
which at length became so swollen that
his life was despaired of. His household
came to his bedside to bid him farewell.
Each individual shook hands with the
dying man and then went away weeping.
Last of all came pet ape, and shaking
the mans hand went away also with its
hands over its eyes. It was SO ludri-
crous a sight that the patient was forced
to laugh, and laughed so heartily that
the ulcer broke and his life was saved.
-Sanitsrian,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-05-22
THE CAREER OF A WOMAN.
Tea Table Gossip.

A Montreal dispatch to the Chicago
Tribune relates how Mrs. Ivy Grace
Hughes, scarcely twenty-five years of
age, who made quite contest of Mon
treal society during a short residence
there the latter part of last summer,
has just died in extreme poverty in New
York. During her visit she lived in
queenly style at the Windsor hotel,
where she occupied one of the best suites
Of rooms. Her wonderful personal at
fractions soon produced an introduction
into society, and by her agreeable and
polished manners, supplemented by her
ready wit, she made host of friends
within few days of her arrival. Her
rooms during her stay were kept beau
tiful by dollhouse plants and choice bou-
quets, presents of friends and
admirers. 1t was at two balls given
by citizens to the officers of the United
States corvette Vandalia and her ma
jesty's ship Canada within few weeks
of each other, however, that she scored
her greatest triumphs, being acknow-
lodged to have eclipsed any of her sex
present at these brilliant gatherings. It
appears that early in the season she
called upon the manager of the Fifth
avenue theatre and asked for an en- gage.
ment, remarking that the success OF
Mrs: Langtry on the stage had tempt
ed her to adopt the theatrical profes.
sion. The manager was struck withhe1
beauty and offered her an engagement,
mbut found after rehearsal that she was
not adapted to the stage. After her as
perations to become an actress had been
doomed, she became al artists model
as means of gaining a livelihood.
Mrs. Hughes was native of Melbou.
rene, Australia, and was twice married,
her second husband, rich old mer-
chant, still living il England. Through
some disagreement they separated, but
at the time of her stay in Montreal he
was giving her an ample allowance.
Since then some difficulties must have
arisen to cause him to Withhold this, and
hence her death in poverty.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-05-22
The Author of my Maryland"

Washington Letter to the Philadelphia Record.
James r. Randall, the gentle author
of that fiery war song, MARYLAND, My
Maryland, is one Of the most delight
ful men in Washington. You find it
difficult to believe that this quiet, liberal,
broad-minded man wrote that narrow,
passionate appeal. He was very young,
however. He is young still, but wiser
and broader. He has come to that
point where he is willing to admit that
that disagreeable Characterization,
Northern scum," in the last stanza was
simply put in for sake OF the rhyme. He
would not write such song now. Yet
he copies the old song again and again
in response to requests that come from
the four corners of the earth. / saw il
true copy of it yesterday. It is rarely
printed correctly. It is generally man
gled in quotation. and it is always multi
ated in the newspapers. I hear that
Mr.. Randall contemplates gathering it
and half hundred other lyrics in q
volume to be published shortly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-05-22
1t having been reported here that Col. John

1t having been reported here that Col John
G. Spooner had retired from the directory of
the Omaha railway, and had also resigned the
called upon him to get confederation or de-
NAL of the rumor In response to the ques-
ton as to whether he had resigned, he an
swercd, that he had and also that the imme-
date cause Of my resignation is the commence
ment by the Omaha company of all action in
New York against H. H. Porter, David Bows
and 4. p. Flower, to recover some 81, 10O, zoo
for alleged breach Of duty by those gentlemen
in distributing among the stockholders, in 1873,
certain shares of tho preferred stock of the
Chicago st. Paul 4 Minneapolis Railway COM
panY