News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-02-07
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER.
Little Leap Year LeVity-He could not
Fight-A Moonlight SymphOny-On the
LOOkOut-PrOud of IL, ETC.. Etc.
A MOONLIGHT SYMPHONY,

we SQOulQ cease TO i've IN an 6QCQanLeu
dream and begin to take practical views
of life"
Eudora-''I know that, dear, and I
have thoughtit it all over much more often
than you think"
Algernon-"You know that am not
rich, and cannot afford to keep my bird
of paradise in gilded cage"
Eudora-ssIt makes no difference,
AlGernon, have already picked out a
sweet little house in the suburbs, which
L know you can rent"
Algernon-"How good of you, my
angel, and then you know that in order
to pay for the furniture, which must be
bought on instalments, it will not do to
keep a servant. Can my darling's pretty
white hands make bread and attend to
all the other household duties ?"
Eudora-"Well, no; but I have pro-
vided for that, too. Mothers people
are staving housekeepers, and she and
my three maiden aunts will give up
boarding and come and live with p
PhiladeLphia EUe'ai,ag Call.
HE CORRECTED HIMSELF.
81 notice in paper that it is no longer
fashionable for the minister to kiss the
bride at the wedding ceremony" said
wife to her husband, who was clergy
man.
eyes," sadly responded the good man
with Iong-drawn sigh ''many of the
pleasant features connected with the old
fashioned wedding ceremony have been
discarded, and"
"What's that?" demanded his wife
ominously.
CT mean," he stammered, 'tthat
the senseless custom of kissing the bride
should have been abolished long ago."
"Ohp' replied the Modified lady, re-
suming her paper. - Philadelphia
Evening Call.
WHY HE COULDN'T FIGHT.
Two Brooklyn boys found a New
Years card case. 1t was not valuable
card case, but the boys at once quarreled
for its possession. The smaller of the
two, slim little fellow, with red hair
and turned-up nose, displayed such a
phenomenal ability in the matter OF
blood-curdling threats and general brag-
gadocio that the other boy, who had q
head like a cannon-ball and a fist like
the knotty end OF a club, felt compelled
to give up the quarrel in disgrace. A
gentleman who was passing asked th'
larger boy why he did not take forcibl
possession of the card case, if he felt
was his by right of discovery.
'Kin L lick i'm p said the boy; 'il
course kin lick i'm. L kin tear him VI
into bits an chew an swallow 'im."
o'Then why do you stand here"
"You don't know that boy, Mister
Why, he kin talk biggern preacher
and nobody but deaf boy up on Henry
street dast tackle him. I've tried in
more'n once, but he scares me off every
time. Why, he'd scare the wits outer
Sullivan. Lick i'm! Jest tie his mouth
up an I'll show you how kin lick i'm J
LEAP YEAR LEvITY.
A YOUNG Chicago man has applied fol-
a divorce, alleging that his wife forced
him to marry her. This statement, ano
the fact that leap year is SO near, vii
make timid young men feel very nervous
Chicago Telegram.
IT is understood that the girls have
adopted the following as their motto fo
leap year: "If you see what you want
ask for it. - T'erGs SiftingS.
For several years past it has beel
customary for young men to shoot tn
girl who refuses to marry them. o
course the girls will be justified in turn
ing the tables next year.-Arkansao
IrdUeller.
THE girls have already formed thel
plans for leap year. To the bashfu
| lover they will say, ''Do you like home
made bread ?" If he says. "Yes, tn
reply will be, ''Well, can bake. " Thel
if he doesn't take the hint they are
seize both his hands, fall on their knee
and put the question direct.
ALTHOUGH women have the right t
propose in leap year, there is no law thf
compels man to say yes. This fac
ought to encourage the young men
stand frm-PhiyodelphiG Herald.
oUTGENERALED BY CHINAMEN.
A Chinese regiment, drilled IN til
European way and commanded by a
Englishman, was stationed at Foocho'
Their officer was very proud of then
and by way of showing their perfet
discipline the "assembly" sounded
midnight, and the men drew up in pc
feet order. But he tried this a secon
time. and the soldiers, instead of hurr
ing to the parade ground, ran to tt
windows and greeted their commando
with laughter and cries OF "no catchee
-NeaO Orleans Times.
{ PROUD OF IT.
{ Some of the richest men in Aust
started in life in modest way, and a
: still plain, unpretentious people, b'
their sons put on great deal OF sty
One of the latter, who was better postt
? about other peoples affairs than abo1
t his own family's, remarked, sneerlngl
t to an acquaintance:
"Your father was nothing but IA slmp
stone mason"
a ST know where you got that inform
: tion," quietly remarked the other.
g "From whom did get it?"
II "F'rom your father. )"
s "How do you know that?"
s because your father used to be I
e fathers hod carrier. "-TeCGS SITTING
n OUTSIDE TESTIMONY BEST.
e "Your Honor, the odors complained
u cannot exist"
n "But here are twenty complaints.
Is eyes but 1 have worked in my +
N tory for the last fifteen years, and
take my oath I cannot detect a
smells"
- Gas a rule, prisoner" replied
&c Judge, as he sharpened his spectacles
- : his bootleg, "the best noses are on
10 outside of soap factories. You are Ill
$25 and costs. ."-DetrOH Free Press
od TAKING HIM AT HIS WORD.
rs sNow, my son, this won't do.
yn spend altogether too much time in p
You must buckle down to work.