Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1884-10-25
TANNING A FLIRT.

TANNING A FLIRT.
The Columbian Literary Society of the
town of Soskowigh, Ind, had been en-
riched by the addition of a new member.
The normal number of the club was thirty,
but this had been reduced to twenty-eight
by the marriage of Miss Fanny Primrose,
erstwhile critic of the association, to Caleb
Spriggins, one of the leading lights in de-
bate. The vacancy caused by the loss Of
the lamented Spriggins had been easily
filed by the election of Richard Monte
fiascO johnson. His peculiar middle name,
which caused 70 little derision among his
friends, had been given him by his mother
after an extended course of "mushy"
novels. She had wrestled hard with her
husband to have the name made Monte
Gasco Montgomery johnson, but that hard
headed and sensible man informed her
that he wasn't going to have his son
made to drag around no such name as
that" and named him Richard but in the
kindness of his heart allowed her to work
her own sweet will with the middle name.
However, the son had inherited none of
his mothers soft-headedness but grew up
TO be sensible and manly young fellow.
But the chief difficulty was to elect Il
lady to ill the place of the late critic
There were many candidates, and much
conjecture rs to who would be the lucky
one, but at last the matter came to the
vote, and the successful applicant was
found to be Miss Nellie Dungeon, hitherto
Il sort Of a dark horse" in the race.
Miss Dungeon had but lately come to
Soskowigh, and, as a matter of course, the
village eossips sat up nights to talk about
her. She had incurred their severest
condemnation, for to them she was guilty
of crime beside which murder, arson,
and such trifling matters paled into COM
plete insignifcance-she was firt. Her
father and mother had removed from their
former place of abode mainly on this ac-
count. 1t was a little town, not much
larger than Sosllowigh, and their daugh-
ter had behaved with such shocking
cruelty to the youth of that borough
that none, save a few dauntless spirits,
dared approach her. Once in while
she would meet some innocent stran-
ger unaccustomed to her fiendish dis
position and then such was her delight
ut having, as it were, fresh subject for
her scalpel that she would send the I'M
happy so;oarner back to his home totter
ing on the verge of suicide. Hence, her
parents removed Her father, Prof
Plato, was bald-headed, rosy-faced little
man, always in high state of perSpira-
ton and excitement. and always to be
seen industriously wiping his humid brow
with an immense bandana, or frantically
repelliug brigadeS of mosquitoes with the
same weapon. Prof. Plato was an entO-
mologist Gentle and benign to all man
kind he was yet coid-blooded and re-
morseless TO insects. The bee might he
industrious, the ant not sluggish, or the
cricket cheerful, but woe to them if they
attracted The little Professors scientific
ardor Neatly transfxed with pins and
labeled with polvsyllable exactness, they
soon adorned his collection. The wife of
this savant was little, gray-haired lady,
with gentle blue eyes, 4 soft step and an
intent admiration for the giant intellect
of her husband. Now, how could such 4
sweet and gentle old couple be the parents
of a hirt?
Still, truthful as village goSsips are
known to be, il may be possible that they
were mistaken in imputing all manner of
wickedneSs to the Young lady who had re-
Gently come into their midst 1t is bold
thing to doubt their accuracy, but |
merely suggest that perhaps they labored
under a misrepresentation. There may be
4 faint possibility that tiirts are not
wholly bad. It may be that there are
some cXtenuating circumstances in the
case They may have some slight traces
of human feeling left. Anyway, it is
noticeable that the victims of their wiles-
young men who are At first uncertain
whether they shall die by the pistol or
the rope-geaerally get over their black
browed despair and manage to worry along
the rest OF their existence quite comfort
ably.
Miss Dungeon was not beautiful
stranger would not have thought her even
pretty. Her hair was light-brown and not
abundant her nose was not piquant or
pretty, but rather large; her lips were
thin, her eyes were Crayish-brown, and
altogether she was not attractive to a
casual observer. Neither was She espe-
cially learned OF profound. She sometimes
made shallow remarks, and often used bad
grammar. But She had tact. She had
taste. She was very gentle and ladylike.
She was not masculine. And, though her
face in repose was not remarkable, vet one
could not converse with her ten minutes
without being willing to swear that she
was one Of she prcttiest girls he had ever
met. Her ewes, now tender, now thought
full, now merry; her smile. her dimples,
all showed the beautiful soul within that
could not be concealed And her charm
seemed to extend to everything she wore.
or said, or did. Had she lace around her
neck, it seemed rs though nothing became
her so well rs lace. Had She bow nj her
throat, one thought nothing made her look
so sweet and fresh. Her gloves, bracelets,
bonnets, and all the other etceteras of
feminine toilet seemed to have been made
for her and her alone. In short, her every
word and act had 4 subtle fascination, no
more to be described than resisted Small
wonder, then, that she soon had the male
portion of the club at her feet and the
female at her ears.
"For my part, can't see why the gentle
men should go into agonies over that
pussy-cat of girl" said Miss Rarer, a
young lady whose biting remarks had
frightened off every eligible Young man OF
her acquaintance. "My brother does moth
ing but rave over her from morning till
night"
ayes, and 50 does mine," put in Mis-
Arabella Batter, whose tongue was said to
be three yards long-but that, of course,
was slightly exaggerated "iIe says she's
divine, and charming, and all that sort OF
stuff. ! found her photograph under his
pillow tie other day"
"And they do say she's the awfullest
firt" said another. 81 heard Mrs. Cub
bins tell Mrs, Neeratome that there was a