Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-06-27
WHY QUIMBY SWoRE OFF.

WHY QUIMBY SWORE OFF.
Jack Quimby awoke with bad head
ache. This was no new sensation to Mr..
Quimby. 1t was old as the eternal hills,
for Jack was bibulous soul, and his head
was not proportionate to his inclination
for strong waters. He loved drink, not for
its own sake, but for the mad merriment
that the bowl provoked, the song, the jest
and the anecdote, the maudlin fraternal
embrace and the pledges of everlasting
friendship. He occupied responsible pc.
sition in Front-street office-for, despite
his deep and Unsuitable thirst, Quimby was
an excellent man of business.
81 look" said Mr.. Quimby, as he rue
fully surveyed his crimson countenance in
hand-glass. II look like billed OWL
Or the last run of shad. Or the breaking
up of hard winter. This won't do. I'll
have to swear off or the cold and silent
grave will soon claim this manly form for
it's own." and Jacks eyes suffused with
tears, for the fumes of the last round of
night caps were by no means dissipated.
"There never was better Christian
ruined by drink than the undersigned"
he continued, and then. as his eyes lit on
a bottle on the bureau. he said, with a
deep sigh of gratitude, "Thank heaven
there's snifter to brace up onl''
Mr.. Quimby's toilet was slow and pain
full this morning. He looked at the cold
water with a shudder, but finally worked
himself up to the washing point. He was
a long time in getting his collar buttoned;
he dared not shave, though he usually
performed that Office every day, and he
remarked with groan thata new pimpie
had taken its place on his forehead.
"Clearly." said Quimby, ~ must swear
off. There are only five days left of Deem
Der. Then the new year and piety," and,
much consoled by the self-promised re-
form, he left his room to make a feeble
apology for breakfast. A few hours
later, and Mr.. Quimby was himself again.
It had taken much artificial aid to bring
his restoration about, but Mr.. Quimby
played the good Samaritan to himself with
the most liberal cheerfulness. "a hair of
the dog" was one Of his most cherished
maxims. The trouble was that he began
with the hair, and usually concluded with
the whole hide.
If" he often remarked to his conf
dants, II could keep sober for "a hours
together do not think would find much
trouble in swearing off,"
And then he'd recite 1.-THE Vagabondsn
with tears streaming down his cheeks,
and dwell with infinite pathos on the
lines
You should have seen these classic features
You need not scott, sir. was not then
Such burning libel upon Gods creatures
was one of your handsome men"
Despite his rotations he was handsome,
and the burning libel part of the poem. so
far as he was concerned. was purely i'm
aginary.
Il
Two young and pretty girls sat in a
handsome mansion. One, blond, was
making mouchoir case for New Y ears
present. And on the lid her fair fingers
were embroldering the initials j. Q.
II cannot imagine how you endure that
fellow, Alice" said the other. "He never
comes near me without reminding me of a
spice factory. Why, he must exist on
cloves and cinnamon and that sort of thing.
| am sure he drinks. 1 have heard him
talk so strangely. and one night he began
a song and burst out crying in the middle
of it. Bod had to take him into the hall.
He could hardly walk. Bod said it was
his emotion. but am sure it was whiskey
or some horrid drink"
Nonsense" said Alice Benton. slack
is so finely strung that the least thing
affects him. He is dear fellow, is Jack.
So good and clever. They adore
him at the club"
'Perhaps so,' rejoined her friend, ''but
it must take fortune to keep him in
cloves. By-by, must 90 down town to
match that lace" And with one of those
natty little love- you. for-your. mother kisses
that girls exchange, Bessie Morris skip
ped away.
Alice put another stitch in the curl of
the @ and examined iC critically. Then
she sighed, put her work aside and fell
into cit of detected musing. Jack does
drink horribly" she said. 81 wish was
not so fond of him." Then repentantly
her woman's loyalty asserted ITSELF
''That is, I mean wish 1 could cure him.
Yet he has so often promised me to swear
off, as he calls it; but fear swear off and
swear on are all the same to poor Jack. I
am running a fearful risk, they tell me.
in marrying him. But what can do
cannot give him up. would not if
could. And / cannot reform him." And
Alice, in true feminine fashion, began to
cry.
'sTears, idle tears, know not what you
mean,' cried merry voice in her ear,
and tall, manly young fellow caught