Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-09-24
PLEASANTRIES.

SHOPPING over to pick up fair la
dy's handkerchief, loses its joy when it
sacrifices suspender button.
"WHAT very small feet Bennie Sweet
boy has," said Laura. "Yas," growled
Tom, whose feet are not small, "they are
very small, but they're big enough to
holdall the brains he has in 'em.'
WHEN Fogg heard the landlady
pounding the beefsteak, he asked if she
was rendering a dinner to some distin-
guished guest The landlady looked
daggers when she replied she guessed
it was none of his business Boston
Transcript.
A POSTMASTER in an eastern city is
a raving lunatic. Last week letter
came to the Office directed to the pref
test woman in town, and the run on
the Office was so great that the poor fell
low couldn't stand it. The letter is still
undelivered.
A YOUNG man travelling by stage
coach broke the monotony of the jour
ney by kissing young lady who was a
fellow passenger. He quoted her in
dignant objections by explaining that it
was only stage kiss and therefore
merely conventional.
Mr.. WNKs-"Jane, have you fed the
dog this morning?" Mrs. Winks-
"No; he doesn't need anything" "Why,
I have not given him any meat since
yesterday morning; have you?" mo;
but one of Marias fellers called last
night" > Philadelphia Call.
"WHAT dreadful times these are"
said Croaker. "They are far worse
than they were wien [ was boy" 81
think you are right" said his friend,
"for [ remember hearing my grand
father say that he frequently heard his
father say the same thing. Boston
Globe.
WIFE: 'What are you dreaming of,
John?" John Ia New York cashier) =
II was not dreaming, [ guess" ooh,
yes, YOU were in a regular day dream.
Were you thinking of your castles in
Spain ?" "Well, no! The fact is I was
wondering about the price of castles in
Canada" > Philadelphia Call.
'SAY, Tobbs," said young fellow,
meeting him late in saloon last night,
you're lawyer and scholar. Which
would be right drank blindly, or I
drunk blindly?" "Nezzer's right" said
Tobbs, bracing himself up on the
counter. "You should say, I'm blind
drunk" The witnesses present thought
SO, too Scissors.
MASKED hugging parties are popular
at church fairs in Missouri. By paying
fifteen cents a man is allowed to hug a
girl. but he is first blindfolded. 1t
makes a man awful mad TO find on re-
moving the bandage from his eyes that
he has been hugging his own wife.
Fifteen cents gone for nothing
Bonneville Journal.
SLOW in the world can you content
Yourself to live in this dead-and-alive
place?" asked the city visitor of her
country cousin. 81 know [ should die
if had to stay here" "WelI, - replied
the rustic relative, 81 suppose should,
too; but then the city folks amt here
only a few weeks in the year, you know. !"
Boston Transcript.
"LooK at that dirty little boy, mann
MAJ" eyes, my SON." "Why he is just
black. How I hate dirty boy" 'You
shouldn't hate anybody. You know we
are all made out of dust, and one little
boy is Just the same as another in the
sight SWELL" interrupted the ur-
chin conclusively, she must have been
made out of coal DUST
EVERYBODY knows how the sudden
cessation of laundering band of mu-
sic causes remarks to be shouted out in
tone like locomotives whistle. The
other night at a West Point hop the
band crashed out few final bars and
suddenly stopped, when the voice of a
lovely little lady in pink was heard
yawping at the top of her lungs: "Don't
nv new hustle hang like daisy?"
STEWARD of Summer hotel: "The bill
of fare is all right but the clam chowder.
You will have to cross that off. Land
lord: "What's the matter? You know
very well that we are to have clam
chowder every Friday" Steward: 81
understand all that, but the new cook
threw the dish-water out by mistake
this morning" Landlord: Tell him
If he does it again Twill discharge him. %
WRITER in the Providence Journal
saws we "must wait until 1892 for Jupi-
ter's next perihelion." Well, if we must
we must, though it seems pretty rough.
We don't suppose the writer could in
duce Jupe to perihele next year? There
may be two or three persons right here
in this town who wouldn't murmur
greatly ii Jupiter were to defer the ex-
hibition until 1920. They would be
willing to watt Norristown Herald.
A WISE Quakeress used to say III her
sermon that there were three follies of
men that always amazed her. The first
was their climbing trees to shake fruit
down, when, if they only waited a
little, it would fall of It's own accord
second, that they should go to war to
kill each other, when if they but waited
they would all die naturally; and the
third. that they should run after women,
which, if they would not do, the women
would run after them.
ct SHOULD think you would be
ashamed of yourself to fight with little
boy half your size" said lady on the