Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-07-18
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

A dissatisfied lady asks Where does
he secret Of beauty lie 7" In no particular
pot ii is pretty much a falsehood all over
nowadays.
Bobson nearly scared his wife to death
he other day, by coming home with bullet
lole in his hat just above the band. The
ascal did not tell her that he had made it
himself with an awl 10 distract her attention
rom the fact that his breath was somewhat |
stronger than bis sense Of yeracity.
'lIcr father is nothing but raiser of |
calves, anyway" remarked young man
Of a girl who had Tilted him.
Yes" replied his companion, II heard
that he lifted you Off the steps several
limes.'
In Cincinnati there is soda water foun-
tain called the blizzard" This is probably
because no mau can face it without wink
lug.
II the Spelling Reform association wants a
chairman at its next convention,
We recommend the man who recently wrote
a letter to his wife, addressing her as "Dere
HELM"
An Englishman, who has lately written
book Of travels objects to Niagara falls be-
cause the lady visitors show their ankles while
climbing around the rocks. We would like
to know Just how much the author received
from the hotel keepers for inserting that
pargraph,
We are inclined to think that the latest 10
trousers will be women.
what is on insect - asks a writer 10 a
st. Louis publication For PHYS sake give
that fresh ticket to basket picnic.
A New Jersey editor thinks that there is
| too much dead head business in the editorial
profession. Some who read the newspapers
are undoubtedly Of the same opinion.
Edmund G s.e, 'tbe English poet, has a
red-harcd wife. Misfortunes never come
siugy.
The Chinese believe that drunkenness is
fused by an evil spirit. Well so it is
| Beauty docs not work." remarked one
citizen to another. "You are II istsker
there" was the reply. My wiies grtates
beauty is her hair, and it is so long that il
sweeps the loor."
A half blind ramp, who tried to sit dowr
on barbed vii. fierce, remarked that h
had no it,a the suu could make piece o
wire So hoi.
\ whiskeY bJ-t.c Was recently found in tn
stomach IF .ha k. The man in who's
pocket !. WAS is 5ul posed t. have digestc
tltst.
\ man Ia med Checker recently atttmpte
to drown himself in Otsego Lake to escap
three wives. We will relieve the anNou
suspense Of cur readers by adding that h
Was successful.
, When man ccm,s home at , o'clock 8
m, and finds The doors and windows a
locked ard bolted against him, it is prett.
small comfort to reflect that this
much Us possible,
\ Philadelphia Judge has decided tina
paintings are not furniture. This Will fol
cvcr bar the critic who is always trying
sit down on the gems which the editor Ia
Z had executed to oIder at Tie carriage shol
80 mamma, If you will believe it,
laughed 1t pretty girl ON her return from tn
/ picnic, the boat iolled as We touched tt
wharf aud threw me right into the lap Of
r. young gentleman ~ "Why :" was the hol
= rided rcioiuder, What Jid you do'' Il
{ | asked him ii lie would please excuse m
,, landing little prematurely.'
y An advertiser in VANITY FAR offers 81
i dream for sale at 20" Here is a goo
chance for some lolsc f4ncltr to buy nigl
+, mare ca ap.
A Young man with violin box in or
!, hand aud flute under his arm was bustlin
y around and trying to engage summer boar
: in town, the other day. 1t is unnecessary
add that lie didn't succeed.
5 An editor in Cuba has cowhidcd sui
scribcr to his paper. This sounds odd b'
4 If true will SIT up lbc profession lmmensel.
t con for the Pies My Mother Made, is II
: title Of the latest ser lmenta sorg. And y
. they say that the young man of the perc
}. la cks regard for his partnts.
: J.. Don't you think that Miss S
n beautiful p asked one young gentleman
l. another Il should think that she wou
I have lovely face in lepose,' was the rep
= "hut | don't know as any one ever saw
S so" Il have" said the first young MAJ
d when" Zone evening wi en- | took h'
q to church"
Il A New York paper expresses the opinic
that ministers ought to be able TO endure Il
sum mer if Satan can. 1t must be remembe
ed that what is summer for minister mu
be comparatively cool to an old campaignt
from lIades.
a An application of chalk is said to be
great relief from the sting of a mosquito
S A cup of milkmans milk is just the thing.
At twenty man wonders Why he was NJ
1 born sooner, at sixty he cannot unde
| stand why lie was born at ALL WM!ehc
IS Times,
d Herbert spencer declares that he will nev,
n marry a woman who is convex in the bac
COZ cave in the bosom and sentimental
. dropping in the shoulders" We thin
that il Hertert marries at all he will ha'
to take his chances like the rest BoStC
l. Post.
It The seashore is really the most delight
d place to spend the summer Between waite
= ing the baih,rs on the shore and the ships G
4 the shore the tired mind has no time to
bordering over the momentous question no
many pounds If beef MI the salt in the ocea
Il would corn. 80 Philadelphia Chronicle lie
n dld
A oo,lorv hook eoVs hnl yynVS ON, II "a "a