The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-04-18
Debating a Letter.

'N0W, my dear, salu MT. oPooPcn-
dyke, when his wife had propped him
up In bed and stuffed some extra
pillows under his shoulders; ''now, my
dear, take your pen and ink and wi
dictate a letter to Specklewottle. Ii
You will play amanuensis l don't sec
why l can't be sick just as well as
not."
Mrs Spoopendyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials.
shall write on card with gilt
edge, or shall take note paperP' she
asked.
You'd better use paper" said Mr..
Spoopendyke severely. when want
to convey my ideas on a single. will
carve 'em in with knife. Now get
ready, for / am going to start, and
don't you interrupt me or you Will put
me out.
"All ready, dear" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into the
ink and contemplating her husband
anXiously.
.'Mr Peter b. Specklewottle, COM
menced Mr.. Spoopendyke.
'.Is his middle name 'Bp'" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand and
testing her pen on the blotter. 81 don't
think like his name anyhow, Peter
isn't nice"
IF any other name occurs to you,
put it in" observed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
with growl. "You don't need to have
a mans name right in letter. Put in
anything and hurry up. will your Go
ing to keep me in suspense all day who
this letter is going top'
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged iato her
work and wrote hurriedly for mo-
ment. "Now I've got him in, dear"
Got who imp Anybody l knowP
Am debating a private letter to a
strangerp Got some particular friend
you want this note 10 go to unbeknown
to me? Who's in thcreP I'm going TO
know who's at the top before 1 put my
name at the bottom
"Why, Mr.. Specklewottle, of course"
said she, looking at him with wide-open
eyes. That's what you said. Now
90 on with the rest"
"Have you got the date and dear sir
in, too" asked Mr.. Spoopendyke, peev-
ishly, for he was trying to think how
he should start his letter.
"No, dear, you didn't say anything
about those" replied his wife. You
only said the name. But I'll put the
others in."
'.Will, will YEP" croaked Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. Sticking on q great deal of
credit to yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt ye? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husbandP Well, you can't
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in;
hear mep"
"But I've got 'em in" pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
"Ihen strike 'em out" roared her
husband. "S'pose I'm going to let
you put those things in and throw 'em
up in my face from the moment l get
well until the day l die. Scratch 'em
out, lell we; don't propose 10 have
my life made miserable by reminders
OF your kindness when l was fishing
around in the grave with one leg. Now
what have you gotP"
"Peter b. Specklewottle, said Mrs.
Spoopcndyke, mentally satisfied that
there could be no mistake about that.
Anything to show whether he's a
man or u womanp" demanded Mr.:
Spoopendyke. ANY Mr. or ESQ.,
hanging to it anywhereP"
Certainly" replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, ut says Mr.. Peter b. Speckle-
wottle.' That's the way you told me
to write it, didn't your Now 60 on
with the letter"
Then put: 4 am dying, and 1 wish
YOU
Great gracious!' calculated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her pen. "You
are not dying, dear; you don't want
the man to think that"
'Why notp" squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "S'pose man is going four
teen blocks out of the way to get the
mail for man who only has q cold in
his headP You put it that I'm dying
or I'll drop into that corner and write
the whole letter with one application
of the inkstandr'
$50 on, DEAR" cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, 1--WE got it so; only he may
think it strange that q dying man
should write to him."
"Then say, Il want you to get my
mail from the office, and tell them
will be over in day or two Got
thatp"
yes" giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Anything else?"
"What're you laughing atp" howled
Mr.. Spoopendyke, on whom the incon-
gruities of his letter had begun to
dawn. "What have you got that measly
mouth of yours stretched out like n
dodgasted grave yard for9 Think I'm
debating comic almanacp Got no.
ton that this letter is some kind of q
rebusp Well, it amt; and it amt q
, minstrel entertainment with q funny
man at each end! What are you laugh
ing atp Anybody in the country
knowp"
81 wasn't laughing, dear" murmur-
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke, with marvel
ously straight face. II was only SYM
pathizing with you."
"Was, ehp" grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Well, when it takes the form
of a visage like you screwed up a min
llte 400 I want to be hunp instead of