The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-02-23
Why Marriage is Upside.Down.

marriage amt lottery. Marriage
is n natural proclivity stood on its
head" said the man with the cold
tea scheme.
AS nothing has been said about
marriage by any one present. and,
indeed, as nothing had been said on
any subject for some time, it was
evident that the man with the cold
tea scheme had been lost in profound
meditation, and his remark was simp-
~ an oracular decision hased upon
silent, matured reflections.
"lt's a natural proclivity of the hu-
man race that is INDUCED in when
every effort has been made to prevent
its success" he added.
"H0w do you make that out 2"
asked the thin man without a shirt
collar.
Easy enough, !" replied the man
with cold tea scheme. eyeing the
stovepipe argumentatively. "That
which commences in deception it is
natural to expect will end in disaster,
and the great surprise should he that
so many marriages result happily.
How many men in the world marry
the woman they think they are court
ing, do you suppose? And how many
women secure the man who comes
counting them? Very few. Very
few, indeed. During the courting each
uses every deception upon the other.
They dress for an impression, they
talk for an impression, they act for
an impression, and they interest one
another for an impression. When
marriage is c0nsummated this inn
preston deception is. thrown aside,
and then, for the first time. each COM
mences to know the other. The de-
| lightful taffy of cOurtship gives place
to the matter-Of. fact mOlasses that
goes on the connubial batter cakes.
The sweet compliance with each
others wants and opinions turns into
a very prosaic desire to have ones
own way, and have it respected. He
docs not shave as frequently as he
used to, apparently, and she looks
altogether different in stockings and
curl papers from the delightful young
person he formerly met in the front
parlor. Then she discovers that he
snOres, and also has an unpleasant
habit in his sleep of rolling over and
taking all the bedcIOthes along with
him habit presumably contracted
in his bachelor years, but one Which
she finds very reprehensible. And
he discovers that she has opinions Of
her own, and also her own way OF
expressing them. and that they some
times conflict with the gracious reli-
ance in him as the law and the gospel
that so tickled his vanity before mar
riage. He groWls, and she pOuts.
Heswears, and she cries. In fact both
find that they are married to quite 4
different person from the Individual
of the front parlOr days. If they are
sensible people right there. the mo-
ment they discover they are entirely
different persons from the ones they
presumed to meet, they will com
mence to do their courting all ovel
again, and on new basis. On basis
of curl papers, snOres, roll overs and
each others ways and Whims, as il
may be explained. II they do 30 they
will he happy, and if he is man O
superior penetration he will every
now and then indulge in period o
courtship that shall be just as fresh
just as earnest, and Just as full of thost
tender little endearments that are Sc
precious to woman's heart, as they
were before he knew her in stockings
and curl papers.
"Ninety.nine women out of a hun
, dred want to be loved, and if the.
are loved they are clay in the hand
of the potter.
"But the couple who afte lrrlag
commence looking for t erson
they met in the front parlor, aud com
plain because they never find them
are apt to lead dreary life if they d.
not bring up in a divorce suit"
"Well 2" said theclerk as he poke,
the stove.
"That is why say marriage is un
side down. 1t ought to take plac
F, before courtship, and not after it."
"Has any one heard how the fros
. is affecting winter wheat"' asked tn
= thin man without shirt collar.
d A Drunken Teetotaler,