The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-12-24
THE BABY ACT.
Drawing Nutriment Through a
Tube in the Midst of Melody.

There are some funny things in this
life.
/ Some are funnier than others-that
is, while one may cause slight ripple
of merriment which dies shortly after
its birth, another reaches US as slowly
as ton of coal ordered on credit, and
lasts much longer (than the coal, not
the credit.)
at this point, a little moralizing on
1 the subject of fun might be proper.
There is a species OF diversion which
relaxes the faculties and diffuses a feel
/ ing of mirthfulness to all participants
and beholders; then there is another
kind which is pleasurable to beholders
only, and still another the enjoyment
of which.is confined to the participants.
1t is of the irst-named that | wish to
speak.
1 was one of the delighted many who
heard the Abbott company in TFaviata
yesterday evening. Among the multi
! tude were also four sciOnS of noble
paid panic prices; they were well
dressed and we'll behaved, and to judge
of them by their dignified demeanOr,
one would suppose that their blood
would have made indigo look pale.
They couldn't afford to go out be-
tween the acts, because it was
not dlgnifed to do so during
the performance of an opera, and for
the further reason that they didn't
drink. 1t was occasionally noticed that
they would put their handcherchiefs to
their mouths in a manner indicative of
neither catarrhal affiiction nor q brush
ing away of the miniature cataract of
briny pearls consequentupon the sadness
which now and then oozed out of the per-
Torrance. The handkerchief act became
so frequent and went from one to
another with such striking regularity
that it became noticeable: and when the
opera was over, and all the people were
going out, those whose business re-
quired them to see party outside were
in a more advanced stage of sol'riety
than the quartette, each one OF which
was as full as Christmas-fed goose.
To emphasize the situation, as the
big four were plodding homeward their
weary way, one of them braced himself
against brick wall to keep it from fall
ing, and in front of an electric light.
Looking at the illumination for a mo-
ment, he said boys, the storm is over,
the moons shining splendid" Where
they went after that is Il matter of no
particular concern.
But where is the funny business? the
reader will say. Well, what is so far
related is tolerably funny, but it does
not comprise. The sum and substance
of the affair after the boys had left, an
empty quart flask, was found on one of
their chairs; to it (the flask, not the
chair was attached about two feet OF
thin rubber pipe. Can the reader find
anything funny yet?
1t may not be eXcrutiatingly hilariOl
for bottle to have its entrails distracted
on the telephone plan while the atten-
ton of the audience is other
wise engaged; but it would be
more honorable, less censurable,
add more to the comfort of others, be
more profitable to some without increas-
ing expenses, more in accordance with
the fitness of things, more generally
agreeable and infinitely more in con-
sOnance with the rules governing in
such cases, if the quadruplex syphen
combination would hereafter
Divide.
Essay CAIGH.