The Delaware ledger. (Newark, Del.) 1879-19??, 1884-01-19
SPARROW Roosr = ROADS.
NEAR EIKToN, Nd,
Jonb 1894

Jan o, 1904.
IT'S the first Saturday night of the
New Year, and by the permission of kind
Providence tomorrow will be the first
Sabbath of the new 1884 The cold bleak
winds CT gloomy winter howl with savage
fierceness through the naked and unclad
pines of Sparrow Roost. The pig stys
are all empty, and unoccupied; death
like pallor and stillnss seems to have
penetrated the utmost recesses Of these
once inhabited institutions Of Sparrow
Roost Alasl how true the sembance; the
Icy Monster has been there and on unhal-
lowed affairs the fat grunters have met
their dying day, and as natural conse-
quence the frying of sausage and the
odor Of warmed-up-scrapple pervades the
habitation from early dawn until che
gathering shades of evening-tide. Old
Briss with his 'deer and sledge," arrived
as usual in due season. but the hairy old
fellow was so thoroughly disguised with
the Local Option fizzle as seen the night
before Christmas at hotel Opedeldock,
and tie habtation drug store, that he did
not tarry sufficiently long to light his his
toric pipe.
Mrs. Goodraven arose from her virtu
GUS couch at the first break o'day on
Christmas, and slipping methodically
across the hall to her daughters room,
shouted at the height of her voice,
"Christmas gift, my dear children.
Christmas gift" and rushing at tho
PROSTATE form of her only daughters
dear husband, Sir Captain Vandit, en-
deavored 10 impress upon his lips, the
sweet Christmas kiss of fond mother
in-law. AS she leaned forward to make
the impression, fresh northwest Whit
of the Captains awakening Christmas
breath caused the good mamma to start,
stagger and fall, and as her false teeth
simultaneously with herself reached the
floor, she shrielSed in great agony, ooh
heavens, oh heavens, put in the bung,
put in the bung, he will explode, he will
explode. Where. oh where have you
been CaptainVandit?" The stricken Cap
tain muttered as he endeavored to revolve
on his couch, "Jist down to the drug store
dear mother! Jist down there TO see Old
Kriss come. Eliza Jane, fetch me the
basin, fetch the basin, / want 10 WON'T. 1"
| But Eliza Jane was too deeply engrossed
in the condition of her only mother, and
her ear was both deaf and dumb to the
vomiting want of her husband, Captain
Vandit, who lay there with the gathered
and garnered harvest of Sparrow Roost
temperance. CDR. Jacoby, do You think
my dear mother will recover" "We1l,
my DEAR" replied the physician, "while
it is quite true that the fumes of this
pear cider is far more poisonous than
Rough on Rats, and is far more deadly in
its mission than Soothing Syrup; yet do
not see why your mother should not
speedily recover; her liver, heart and lungs
are in most excellent condition, and her
heels, hands and tongue, could not pos
sibly be more healthy. Yes, my dear, ]
think her recovery possible at an early
date. 1 will use every remedy known to
the profession, and if fail, l will insist
upon some of these bowling medical adj
vocates of Local Option trying their hand.
1t is now halfpast eight O'Clock, and II
your mother is not reading the Captain
title clear by half-past ten o'clock, you
must give her warm bath, put her in
the tub head and heels, and suffer her tc
soak at least 10 minutes" and with this
injunction DIR. Jacoby left the afflicted
household,
Captain Faulkner Vandit was never
known to indulge in the use of spurious
or fermented liquors, until after the Ac
| vi AboGilDlJ y lotftl CpblOi
TO the citizens of the county and those o
Sparrow Roost had been passed. His frs
glass was taken the day he attended thu
I wicked Agricultural Fair at Elkton, ant
became demOralized at the wicked sights
, he saw there. He seated himself in Jh,
grand stand and stared at the wicked
horse races, He prowled around til,
, grounds aud gazed on the wicked looking
COWS and swine, and the long crested, bib
= ficai, thrice GROWING cocks, the sfnfu
wheat and corn, the vulgar looking
pumpkins, the monster display of drug
s gest sundries, the dude suits of clothing
(the cunning work of an Elkton taylor
and thousand and one other sights jus
as wicked, so turned the Captains brai
that he at once concluded he would 'ge
full'' and drown the COMPOUNDED DoDneN
brook Fair. The Captain was a strange
+ in n strange land. Sparrow Roost wa
4 his abiding place, and outside of il
sacred domain he knew not whittier I
60 to sake his thirst or drown his so
A rows, especially in the Local Option tow
: of Elkton. Thus Captain Vandit stoo
4 pensively in front of the Mermaid WondC
II Tent, contemplating how in the name
Il Jehosaphat he could procure the longe'
II for drinks, when a youthful ElStonia
e III DVJloh Sloo yoipoN oub holo JS al'
Ie the Daily Fair; the Daily Fairs associt
i ted press dispatch, terrible murder" etc
l. etc. "Ah," said Captain Vandit, '1'i
l. heeled, I'll buy the Daily Fair, and
IS know I'll find in its advertising column
+. place where 1 can 20 and reduce m
~ thirst" "Pshaw," growled CaptainVai
,. dit after he had turned the ''Daily Fair
,, inside out and upside down, 81 might ju
n rs well invested my money in turni
the blank take Lydia Pinllham, Warner
y Safe Liver and Kidney cure and JoI
m Wanamaker. Who wants to read the
H. advertisements? Its whiskey | wan
= There boy, take this paper and send it
ia some Sunday School Mission.