The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1884-12-17
VARIETIES.

na!llie was playing very roughly with
her Kitten, carrying it by the tail. Her
i uI0Iher told her she would hurt pussy.
why no, | won't; Pm carrying it BY
the handle.''
You are as full OF airs as music
Don, is what young man said to
girl who refused to let him see her home.
That may be-" was the reply. ssbut /
don't go with crank
is the first page up? asked the edit
OF OF the Georgia Cracker of the foreman.
NO I'VE want one big head yet" "Well,
50 to the local reporter. He has big
mead. lie was out celebrating with that
political parade last night" aa
There's a sad case,'' said old Mrs.
Squaggs, as she laid the paper on her
knees and wiped her spectacles ga bride
struck dumb after leaving the altar, and
at last accounts hadn't recovered her
speech" Its the way of the world my
dear" said old Mr.. Squaggs, with sigh;
Its the way of the world; some men
have all the luck.''
A Bismarck young man told an old
maid she was "matchless woman, and
she smiled so sweetly over the compli-
ment that she stretched her mouth to its
utmost capacity. After he had gone it
occurred to her that there was another
meaning to the expression, and the next
time that young man calls there will be
sickening tragedy to record.
Senator Palmer, of Michigan, who has
an income of upward of 5000, 900 year,
says "The happiest man is the one who
has the most illusions. There are only
three real substantial things you can get
out of life, and the man who has those at
the required intervals is as well off as the
richest. The three realities are full
stomach, a good suit of clothes and a bed
to s'eep i'll. Everything else belongs to
the realm of Illusions -
Maurice NIelrose was out calling. He
stayed about an hour and went off, leav-
ing his cane in the hail. He missed it
in a few minutes and came back after it.
the young lady's little sister meeting
him at the door. 80
cav, my little girl" he said, 'tweally,
l beg youah pahdon, don't youah know,
but l think left stick heah." f
Il don't think you did, Mr.. Melrose,
heard sister say So" III Bss -
CAV, indeed, you flattah me, but how
should youah sister know? She did not
see me go out, don't you know ?''
81 don't know, sir, but / heard her
say to Mr.. Benton when you went out,
well, thank Heaven, that stick is gone
at last"
He didn't prosecute his enquiries any
further.-C Cincinnati Trdyeler.
A practical joker travelling in Canada
recently devised the following scheme
for defrauding the guileless rustic: En-
tering little farm house, with large
piece of bread in his hand, he called for
platter of milk. 1t was quickly brought
and into it he placed the bread, the latter
of course by the force of capillary at
traction speedily absorbing the milk
elbow much do you ask for your
milk ?" he then asked.
"Three cents, sir"
"What? ?" he said, as if greatly as
tonished, "three cents for platter of
milk"
cts the market price, sir" returned
the rustic mildly.
Outrageous !" he replied ''I won't
pay for it. I'll take back my Bread"
and placing the latter in his handker
chief he went his way, leaving his as
tonished rustic scratching his head and
gazing absently at the empty platter
Boston Globe.