Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-11-07
FUN
Amending the Verdict.

Amending the Verdict.
The train was just entering Erin, Tenn,
when we heard the sharp foot toot foot
of the whistle, and such passengers as
looked from the windows saw an aged At
rican with a bundle over his shoulder,
straight ahead on the track. The whistle
was blown and the bell rung, but he paid
no attention, and all of sudden the COW
catcher picked him up and flung him fifty
feet to one side. A gang of men brought
him to the depot, and among the dozen OF
us who stopped off at the village coro-
ner's jury was selected. 1t seemed PLAIN
case enough. The raan came to his death
by being struck by locomotive on the
Louisville and Nashville Road, Such was
the verdict rendered, but no sooner was it
announced than the coroner observed:
sGentlemen return and amend your
verdict. You havn't said anything about
carelessness."
We returned to the room and amended
by adding the engineer was blameless in
the case, and the coroner received us
with:
VERY good gentlemen. as far as it
goes, but the man was probably deaf, and
it would be well to amend the verdict &C.
cordingly.''
We went back and amended to make
the victim as deaf as hltching post. but
we were not through yet
"You haven't got the name of the coun-
tY in your report. and you don't say
whether it was freight or passenger
train" observed the coroner.
We returned to the room for another
tussle, and were just congratulating our
selves on having everything ship-shape,
when the coroner put his head into the
doorway and called out:
Gentlemen amend your verdict! The
confounded niger has come to life!"
And when we rushed out to the freight
house he was sitting up on end and asking
if anybody had seen his bundle.
THEY DIDN'T FILLIATE.-A co,ored
man was busily engaged in saving wood
for Col. Fowls. when the latter observed
that the bosom Of the man and the broth
er, so to speak. was adorned by an Odd
Fellows old breast pin.
"Do the white Odd Fellows and the
colored Odd Fellows affiliate ?" asked Col.
Fowls.
Don't fillyate wuf cuss, but they
keeps each other out"
''WelI, that is the same thing, ain It it?''
mo, sir: hits not the same ding"
"What's the differepce?''
The colored man stopped saving wood,
and made the following explanation:
''Last week when dat norther was a
frezin' de marrer in yer bones, went in
to de saloon of white man who totes dis
very same emblem. I was in distress, as
hadn't dram dat mornin', so I glib him
de signal of Distress
Ibid he respond?"
''He didn't glib de proper response. De
proper response would have been to rub
his lef' ear wild his right hand and to hab
sot out de bottle.''
"Then he did not respond to you cor
recty?"
"No, sir; he made motion at de doah
wild one hand and reached under de bar
wild de udder. I made de Odd Fellows
signal of distress once noah, and den
somethin' hard hit me on the head, an
knocked me clean out in de street,
''Then the colored Odd Fellows and the
white Odd Fellows do not affiliate?"
''Just what told yer. Dey don't flly-
ate, but dey helps each udder out I was
helped out Into de street wild a bung
starter, but fllyate means to set out de
'freshments.
I'm Austin colored pastor, named Jim
Bledso. has made himself very unpopular
with Jim Webster. He was passing the
house of Jim Webster, on Austin avenue,
when the proprietor called him in.
''Come parson. and hab piece OBJ cake
and glass OBJ wine. Dis heah am my
buff day."
The reverend gentleman accepted the in.
vltation. There was large uncut cake
on the table, and the clergyman was urged
to cut it.
"Whar shall I cut it?" he asked, TAX
ing up the knife, axd looking at the cake
in bewildered sort of way.
"You kin jes cut hit whereber you
please. parson."
A smile lit up the dusky features of the
humble toiler in the Lords vineyard, and
he remarked fervently:
"I'se much obleeged ter yer, Jeems. I
b'leve de bes' place ter carve dis heah
am in de seclusion OBJ my own house." and
wrapping up the cake in Newspaper, he
carried it off under his arm.
A Norristown man has cook so pretty
. and fascinating that the first day he en-
ployed her she ''mashed" his potatoes,
The next dny she s'mashed" his son.
"Was he good citizen ?' was asked of
alately deceased residend. swell the city's
seen better onces, but there was one thing
in his favor he mover got so drunk that
he couldn't walk home"
"Has that baby got the jaundice ?''
asked cranky old bachelor of young
mother. "Of course he hasn't. Why do
you think so ?'' because it's such an