Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1884-10-17

rExsrssszrssa
appreciate it. A word or two more.
These sermons" pointing to q pile Of
metal plate upon the table T obtain
from prominent literary bureau.
They are all new, original and gnaran-l
teed. You get them at the wholesale
rates. With each clericomotor I also
throw in twenty assorted hymns, an
.nouncements and remarks suitable to all
occasions. together with two bottles 81
my celebrated electrical lubricator and
q monkey wrench. MY schedule rate
is $500; but, as you gentlemen are the
first purchasers, I. wall make it $500
net. Ils.t n sI5 W. =.
The deacons were. almost overcome
by this rapid way of doing business.
''Hold onw cried Deacon Simpson.
"How about christenings ~ ?" i. / III +:
4 "Weddings first" dryly remarked
Deacon Simpson. i, ,s@.ss.s
can pastoral calls?" added Deacon
Grubb. ~. - - h.
"All arranged, gentlemen," cried the
genial Rogers. pilates for everything!
Just think of it-no chickering's over the
parsons visits no devastating donation
parties; no soul destroying slippers to
distract your daughters mind, no sal
airy falling due every qnarter! The
clericomotor is never troubled with
clergyman's sore throat, and needs No
vacations. In short, the only expense
he will entail upon you will be- for a
small boy to turn the crank e
:. Deacon Simpsons face Enlightened
up. "That won't cost much, reckon, y
he said. "My boy Hezekiah will be
just the one for that" h sr.. !. t.
Deacons Simpson and Grubb looked
at each other with dubious expression,
for Hez Simpson was generally con.
sidered the worst boy in Byesville.
understand. gentlemen" said the
inventor, gravely, "this whole matter
is to be kept aprofound secret. !: ask
nothing until the clericomotor has
publicly proved it's usefulness. To-
day is Friday, II you, have no ohiec-
lions, we will try it next Sunday"
The deacons nodded assent.
,"In the meantime, must again urge
upon you the necessity Of the strictest
secrecy"
It had been whispered about Byes-
vile that the committee on selection
had new candidate to present to the
congregation. Consequently, the
church was filled to it's utmost capacity
ut an unusually early hour. Notwith.
standing this fact, the first conoers were
surprised to find the clerical stranger
there before them. AS the church fl
led up, many comments were whispered
over this unusual proceeding, but they
were supplemented by numerous com
plimentary illusions to his distinguished
appearance.
The service opened with the doxology
sung by the congrega5ion~-and pro.
ceeded in the customary manner. The
congregation was charmed with the
new conner. His gestures were grace.
full, though exceedingly numerous, and
his voice Was full and deep. So finely
developed were these admirable quail
ties that when he made the announce
ment that the usual collection would be
taken up, It was noted that he impaired
to it a sympathetic favor that it neve,
before seemed to possess.
It was, however, in the sermon that
he achieved his browning triumph.
Never before in the history of the Byes.
vile Orthodox Church had snch an
eloquent effort been heard. Replete
with graceful imagery and profound
thought, it held their undivided atten-
ton from the opening sentences. And,
most remarkable Of all, it was delivered
extemporaneously!
The faces Of Deacons Simpson,
Simpson and Grubb wore looks Of the
proudest satisfaction, and they ex-
changed smiles of congratulation across
the church.
Happily they did not know what was
in store for them. ..... -.. G..s+s,.
AS is understood the motive power OF
the clericomotor was Hex Simpson,
the deacon's 'harumscarum son.; who
was concealed behind the pulpit. A!
first the responsibility of his position
held his frolicsome disposition in check,
and he performed the duties prescribed
for him with exemplary fidelity, but,
as the novelty Wore off, his natural
spirit of mischief asserted ITSELF. Des-
pite his solemn instruction not to turn
the handle backward, and probably be-
cause of this very intridiction, he was
dying to try the effect of the forbidden
experiment. - y t.|.x+&.s ~ $50
The new clergyman, had reached
''Seventesnthly," and was just entering
upon glowing peroration, when he
was observed to slightly hesitate. AL.
most Immediately, however, he recov-
cred himself and clearly and forcibly
CALCULATED, "Sixteenthly " U.S. >@}f
Hez had commenced experimenting
The reverend gentleman repeated a
few sentences smoothly, and then with
out a moments warning shouted
Thirdly r., { : is<&'&'%a 49,.
The hair on the heads. of Deacons
Simpson and Simpson stood on end in
horror. Deacon Grubb was bald. IT
was very evident that Hezekia had
thrown all prudence in the winds. The
new minister, without in the slightest
degree losing the expression of gravity
which added dignity to his countenance,
calmly proceeded backward by jerks
through Secondly" and FIRSTLY. Then
he jumbled together two announcements
and a hymn. and varied the astonishing
performance by rapidly sitting down
and rising again half dozen times.
Following this with a variety Of wild
gestures, he .fercely delivered what was
commonly supposed TO be quotation
in Choctaw, and then suddenly roared: