The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1884-06-11
JUNE H..
VARIETIES.

Yes, said the tramp, mournfully,
my farther cut me off with shilling
and it was a good deal of money, too, al
though didn't think SO at the time"
EFDid you reveal your IDENTIFY" asked
New York politician of one of his
minions. "Well, you bet didn't. / just
told him who was and it broke him all
up. "-Merchont Traveller.
Here is typical story: 'sPut on your
gloves, tits cold, " said one young lady to
another. III don't like to" "Why not. !"
IT don't like to cover up my engagement
ring, whispered the fair one.
A little 4-year-old said to his mother
last week: aMother, / believe God
thinks I'm dead.'' "Why?'' asked the
mother, somewhat astonished at the
remark. ''Cause haven't said my pray
ers for week"
A mother-in-law said to her son-in-law
So, monsieur, you were at the ball last
evening, and it has not been a month
since you lost your wife % 'tThat's true,
mamma" answered the culprit with
contrite air, Fbut / beg to remind you
that danced very sadly"
A girl who had become tired of single
blessedness thus wrote to her intended:
Oodi JILL, COHuS AlSuI VI IL you are
coming at all Edward Kelderman is in
sistin' that shall have him, and he hugs
and kisses me SO continually that can't
hold out much longer"
A farmers wife has twenty-five hens.
A preacher comes to stay over Sunday,
and she cooks neck-piece of corn-beef.
and Garden. Give it up, till we know
the color and denomination of the
preacher, and how high the hens roost.
''How are you and your wife coming
on ?' asked a West Point man of color
ed man. "She has run me off, boss. /
is to blame, boss. gave her a splendid
white silk dress, and den she got so
proud she had no use for me. She
Cornelia, when very little girl, Gre
ated good deal of merriment at the
table when out one evening taking tea
with friends. "Cornelia, DEAR" said
her kind hostess, "won't you have a
"Yes'm l think I will,'' said Cornelia,
frankly, if somebody will please I'M
hook my dress"
Whats de meanin' O. steelin' ?' ''It's
takin' erway an 'propreatin' fur yer own
LSC GuIll1A Nuub NlOdlI lOIlS I0I yer.
That is very good explanation the
Judge replied, but you appropriate the
ak to your own use.'' tsNo / didn't, sab.
I got de ak fur my wife ter use. Doan
tink dat I'se gwine ter chop wood when
dar's oman round de house, does yer?
ken go home, ledge ?"
The little brother came Quietly into
rarrur wnefs srfs yas-575
or \ Sri +.
eagerly arollTd remarked to his siste
Aunt Jane ismistaken. /" WHAT'S It.
his sister asked pleasantly, batting d
dear little fellow on the head, VIII
Featherly gazed at the two in wrapt a
miration. II don't see any can. ~
replied, "but Aunt Jane Just said til
you were in the parlor setting your ca
for Mr.. Featherly. -PhiJadelphiG Cal
Some heartless wretch caught two "a
tied them by the tails, and flung the
into the cellar of a Connecticut churcl
They kept pretty quiet until about Il
middle of the sermon, when they bega
to complain, and the pastor sternly r,
marked, "Will the choir please wait III
til its services are required?" And til
choir denied making any noise, and re
moved the cats. And every body !
laughing at the choir, and the way th
members thereof are mad at the paste
goes ahead of the wrath of the Made
ladies who owned the cats.
what incomprehensible Mirand'
got to be sence she went to thur Ca
deny, " remarked Mrs. Homespun to he
husband. "W'y, wot's the gal BEEF
dom now?' asked Daniel. "Doin' =
exclaimed Mrs. Homespon; 'sw'y, sh
said she must go to her room to disrobe
as she wished to retire early. 'sDis
robe and retire ?'' murmured Daniel
"wot's them, map" 81 dunno, !" replied
ma; "but she didn't do nothing o. tn,
sort. She only undressed and went t.
bed. Did yer ever hear o. SIGH p'eva
rication?" Judging from the groan tina
came from Daniel, it is safe to presume
that he never did.