, 1884-04-09
FULLY on a ssod. His wife was frying pork

FULLY on a steoi. His wife was frying pork
Tor supper.
@why, Ligc," said Uncle Andy in surprise,
after we are seated by the fire. whats up
nowF'
1Ast the ole 'ooman," said Lige, in a voice
so very strong and deep that one could
scarcely help wondering what it must ave
been when its owner was in full possession of
all his members. The sole 'ooman" didn't
wait to be EAST, y but in a thin and piping
voice that contrasted comically with that of
her liege lord or what there was left OF him,
said:
"Lige is c~ar'less. Terrible car'less. Never
see sech ca~r'lessness. Ell l had a child 9 year
old ez were ez car'less ez Lige, I'd lam the
car'lessness out'n it. TIL hain't no 'scuse for
sech car'lessness. He must a ben horned car
less. Needn't tell me he'd a been ketched in
that bar trap if he want car'less. An how'd
he shoot his leg off Car'loss. An he hain't
satisfied O. leavin' his arm in a bar trap an
a peggin' away at his leg with a charge O.
buckshot-yes, it were buckshot, tool We
can't tell me, Lige Goodyear, that a ball
could a chaw'd up that leg o. your'n like
thatl 'Twere buckshoti He want satisfied
even with peggin' away at his leg with a
load o buckshot ez IL no were pluggin' a
deer, an they a-fetchin' of him. hum all
bunged up an not wuth u cent fur anything,
just in KILN time at that, an me up to my
ears i'll sassige-meat. an lard, an head
cheese. No; that want shown enough
yit how car'less he could be, an
what should he do but up an prance
aroun' t'uther day on his crutch out in the
yard while 1 were to the barn a-milkin'.
Wen L come in l f ,un' him on one side the
door an the crutch on t'other. People that's
car'ful alluz walks on the ice with q crutch,
specially if they hain't got but one leg an
one arm to help theirself with. l fetched
him in, an he's ben 'joyin' hisself over sence
with his arm broke an his ankle sprained
Soon ez he gifts rid o. the arm an leg he's got
left, then he's gointer gradjilly shed his ears,
and cunjer up some slick way to do without
hs eyes. Lige is durn consid'rit. He don't
wanter leave me q wilder all of a student,
ye sec, but wants ter kinder slide off gradjilly
like, a slice at a time"
Uncle Andy afterward told me that he had
forgotten to mention that Mrs. Lige was "a
corker." We sympathized with Lige and sat
for two hours without his mentioning the
story. Uncle Andy grew impatient and rest
less. Finally Lige said;
al had a stony Iwereg ointer tell yer, Andy,
but l can't do it"
mot the one about the bars exclaimed
Andy, dismayed.
"Yas, the one about the bars" said Lige,
doletully. .
why can't ye tell it Ligef' asked Andy.
"Why can't 1 tell itF" he replied. "Sizzlin'
ginger. Kin 1 show you how l clutched the
throat O. one o them bars with my right ham
an shet its caloric squar' off when hain't got
nary a han to show ye how 'twer donei Kin
1 lay it down to We how 1 kicked the life
out'n one o. the other bars with my left leg
wen my left leg is three foot under groun'
an my right one is laid up stiffer'n a fence
rail and sorer'n the earachel No., L can't-I
can't do it! 1 never knowed afore what
twere to be cripple, Andy, but now 1 dol"
Uncle Andy never spoke n word on the
way back to his cabin, but, when we got in
and he stirred up the fire and showed the
blackbottle across the table, he said;
"fm inter the swanp-hole o. onsartinty
clean up to my neck, an il Lige Goodyear
dies fore some one else hears him tell that
story it's goodbye Andy Piperl"