davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-11-01
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The professional masher is not
alone to blame. 1t takes two to make
mash. "-Burlington Hawkeye.
-"Shall sing Far Awayp' she
asked, as her fingers sought the keys
Eyes, think you had better" he re-
piled, "unlcss you want the neighbors
to make complaint" He doesn't visit
there now.-Bosto's lingo.
"A mule in Minnesota calmly backed
up against sand bank last week and
proceeded to kick it to pieces. When
he had rendered it total wreck he laid
his ears back on his crupper and skipped
for Canada to join the gang. -EOdns-
citte Argus.
The famous Charles Lamb, upon
hearing friend mention the name of
certain man, said II hate him." .sHate
HIM" said his friend; "why Won don't
know him." 'Of course don't" said
Lamb, 'for if knew him l could not
hate him. There is food for thought
in that remark. = Christian ADVOCATE.
NO." said the merchant, 81 don't
advertise now. II used to, but got
completely tired out waiting on Gus
toners. Since stopped that adver-
tisement have had continual vaca-
ton and been able to discharge two Of
my clerks. st. Adams Messenger.
"A cable dispatch says the Princess
of Wales now arranges her back hair
higher than ever. When we look back
to that unhappy period when there was
no such thing as an ocean telegraph,
we are lost in wondering how people
managed to make life worth living
Boston Transcript.
Don't blame the fly for getting into
the sugar bowl. He probably thinks
the sugar is put upon the table for his
especial delectation; just as you, gentle
reader, of one sex or t'other, have
sometime fancied the earth was made
for your sole benefit, and you therefore
wanted the whole Of it.-1roy Times.
-Smith-Jones refuses to pay q lit
tie debt he owes me, and I want Won to
bring suit against him for the money.
Lawyer-All right; but lawyers, you
know, always expect something in the
way of a retainer. Smith Certainly;s
how much will it bep Lawyer About
$50, l guess. Smith-Fifty dollarsp
Why, Jones only owes me 1926. Law
yer-O, well, call it 1925 then.
Advice to young men.
Some fellows think that all the bliss
Is taken by one little kiss,
And never stop to linger, when
They might as well have nine or ten.
Now take advice, all you young men.
Whene'er you get the chance sgain.
Just take as many as you can.
Then she will think you are man,
And if she is not satisfied,
Just draw her closer to your side: q
Kiss her till you raise blister. -lT
Then go and try II on her sister. +,
The woman who steps on ba-
mana peel win be down and % again
with faint little shrek before ANYBODY
knows anything about it, while the man
will fall the length Of the whole block.
as usual, waving both hands il the air.
kicking with both feet, plunrinr'
throwing hat and umbrella into space'
bowling atevery jump, until, bresfhlees
and exhausted. he carroms on "a 81
barrel at the end Of the run. and rincs
down the curtain BY rolling DOM ~ ~
into : bafter shop. Rob Bwrds611s
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-11-01

SELF He only folded up three crisp
two-dollar bills and put them in his
pocket, with the beautiful thought that
this world in which we live is not half
so bad n world as folks sometimes
dream it is.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-11-01

"A man was arrested in Ontario for
thrashing nineteen dudes. His excuse
WAS that his physician directed him TO
take some gentle exercise. ana that was
tho gentlest exercise be could think Of.
-rExcb010e.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-11-01
VOLUME XVI.
"YES.''

4 little rain.
The sun again,
A shadow;
A summer day,
.sz1.s Some nev-,aown hay
$3.50 A mes~sv.
A g1rnsh face,
matchless grace.
And beauty;
We spend the day
In making hay
Sweet duty.
Some fading flowers,
Some happy hours.
But fieettng.
A week of rain,
And then again
A meeting.
One quick shy look,
A ripping brook,
Some clover;
A sky OF gold.
~ So The story old,
A lover.
A fair sweet maid,
A short word said;
What Is 1t?
AND ny n %y t assG lat.
TO misc 1t.
The years have gone,
And still loves on
That lover;
He loves always,
As days and days
Pass over.
A loving wife,
long, long life
Together,
Have made him bless
That shy sweet "Yes''
Moro C. Usher. IN Chamber Journal.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-11-01

A physician says it is not healthy
to walk unless one has some object to
walk for. A man who started out a
few days ago on collecting tour, and
returned home with the outskirts of his
coat mutllated and piece bitten out
Of himself by chunky-headed dog.
says sometimes it is not healthy to walk
even when one has an object to wall
for .NorytstoUn Herald.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-11-01

Photographic rates are SO cheap 10
France that last year dfty- eight tele-
grams were sent IN each one hundred
inhabitants.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-11-01

"A French court has decided that
when workman accidentally falls
from scatfold he must pay for all the
damage he does when bringing up on
the ground below.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-11-01

IN En4liph firm he's heGun -
manplf o1y1ro q casks and bef3< E
~ ~ are lighter thaa WOOD SI =
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

If the country would get what Sena-
tor Vance calls .'free sweetnin.''
The Democratic Congressional
Campaign Committee met at the Arl-
ington hotel this week, and organic
ed for active operations, electing
Senator German chairman Of both the
executive and Congressional COM
mittees.
The majority of the gay world of
fashion are disposed to abide by the
restrictions of the Lenten season,
thereby gaining the rest requisite to
enable them to indulge in festivities
again after Easter. Even at houses
where ladies had declared their IN
tention to continue regular recep-
tions, few visitors disturb the solitary
grandeur of the hostess.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21
ALL THE SAME.
BY Z. IRWIN.

They met whAn they were girl and boy,
Going to schoo. one day,
And "won't you take my peg-top, dear7"
Was ali that he could say.
She bit her little pinafore,
Close to his side she came.
She whispered, ,"No. no, thank you, Tom,
But took it all the same.
They met one day, the self same way,
When ten swift years had flown;
He said, "I've nothing but my heart,
But that is yours alone"
"And won't you take my hearth" he said
And called her by her name.
She blushed and said. "No, thank you, Tom, "
But took it all the same.
And twenty, thirty, forty years
Have brought them care and JOY;
She has the little peg top still,
He gave her when boy.
1--WE had no wealth, sweet wife" said he,
ave never brought you fame;"
She whispered, "No, no, thank you, Tom,
You've loved me all the same."
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21
The Filley wing of the Republican

The Filley wing of the Republican
party has called state convention
to meet at Sedalia, April 8, the same
day and the same place adopted by
the silk stocking element. The OBJ
ject of this move is apparent. The
hoodlums will force recognition and
will share in sending single set Of
delegates to Chicago or they will send
set of their own. This Is the way
the land lies now. The feeling Of
bitterness between the factions is in
tense, and seems to be getting no
better fast.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

The wind was SO strong in Dakota
the other day that 1t stopped a train.
An auctioneer, VINO was on board,
got off and talked back at the wind,
and in less than three minutes he had
broken it all to pieces. Then the
train went on.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

WHEN the blood is loaded with i'm
purities, and moves sluggishly in the
veins, an Alternative is needed, as tnis
condition of the vital fluid can not
last long without serious results.
There is nothing better than Ayers
Sarsaparilla to purify the blood and
impart energy to the system.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

The best application for forcing
all kinds of plants is strong liquid
manure drained from dung heap.
This is also good protection against
insects, by making the plants grow
so vigorously that the insects cannot
much injure then. They are most
apt to attack weakly growing plants.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

AYERS Hair vigor stimulates the
hair cells to healthy action, and pro-
notes vigorous growth. 1t con-
tains all that can be supplied to make
the natural hair beautiful and abund-
ant; keeps the scalp free from dand-
ruff, prevents the hair from becom-
dry and harsh, and makes it flexible
and glossy.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

A COAL dealer in Newtonville, Pa. i,
presents every newly married couple
with half ton of coal. This is an
excellent idea so far as it goes; but
what newly married couples most
need is patent adjustable self-act-
ing fire kinder. It would prevent
no end of unhappiness.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

WHEN man gets so sick Of his
mother-in-law that he changes his re-
ligion for fear of having to go to the
same heaven, he has to admit that
women are a power in the land.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

mo, 1 don't object to the smell
of cigar" said a widow to her
lover. sit reminds me of dear
John, who declared that although he
didn't like the taste of tobacco, he
had to smoke to keep the moths out
Of his mouth"
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Mr.. BLAND's bill to stop the coin
age of one and three-dollar gold
pieces and to limit the coinage of
double eagles to 20 per cent. of the
bullion purchase will be reported IA
x,oro hl1y
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

ONE of the Apache Indians now IN
Washington wants to trade twenty
five ponies for treasury girl. If he
succeeds in making the trade he may
in the future receive some lessons in
scalwing which all of his savage
aboriginal art and skill wots not Of.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

THE principal of the school at
Biggs, Nevada, learning that some
of the boys carried weapons, search
ed them, and found pistols on no
less than ten, each of whom was un-
der IA years of age.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

GrLT-EDGED girls is the new name
for the pampered girls of Boston So
ciety. tits understood that Boston
girls have good many edges, and
rounding them off with gilt is not a
bad idea.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

SHAD were introduced into Cali
fornia waters something like seven
years ago and now they are so plen-
tiful that they are a drug on the
market there.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

WHEN one sees pretty society
belle showering impassionate kisses
upon the nose of her pet poodle, it
makes one reedy to howl for a $500
tax on dogs, and no mistake.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

A COUPLE living at Westfeld,
Massachusetts, took their two
months old baby sleigh riding the
other night and the child was smoth-
cred by excessive wrapping.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

CAPT. Mares, the Artic explorer,
in his communication to the secreta-
ry of the navy, expresses telie1
that the chances are good for finding
GreeIy's party alive and safe.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

A ROLL of bills, amounting to 81
900, supposed to have been washed
ashore from some wreck, was picked
up recently by a person living in
Black Rock, Conn.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

DoS'T blame the farmer who palms
off five year old hen as spring
chicken. Perhaps the very woman
who buys it is forty-five, but won't
admit to being one day over thirty.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

IT is reported that the cattle
plague infection was carried into
Kansas in the clothing of two herds
men just arrived from Scotland.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

An honest man is honest from his
soul, nor deigns to stoop to mean
ness, though great results hang on
the petty fraud.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

The only safe guide to great in
tellect is a pure heart. Evil no
sooner takes possession of the heart
than folly commences the conquest
of the mind.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

In the miners convention at Pitts
burg measures were adopted to sup
ply strikers with money and proyis-
ions.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

THE ice palace at Montreal is to
remain standing until it becomes un-
safe, when the city authorities will
have the structure taken down and
the ice sold.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

The science of life may be thus
epitomized: To know well the price
of time, the value of things and the
worth of people.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

The wisest art in life is to culti-
vate smile; to find the flowers where
others shrink away for fear OF thorns.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Good temper is the philosophy of
the heart-a gem in the treasury
within, whose rays are reflected on
all outward objects,
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

As an appliance for the improve
ment of our friends, habit Of scold-
ing possesses no appreciable virtue.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Try what forgiveness will do be-
fore you resort to punishment.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

If you have been tempted into
evil, fly from it. 1t is not falling IN
to water, but lying into it, that
browns.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

THE bill to increase the annual ap-
for state militia from
S2O0, 900 to 5000, 900 will be recom-
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

By holding very little misery
quite close to our eyes, we entirely
lose sight of great deal of comfort
beyond, which might be taken.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

There are in certain heads q kind
Of established errors against which
reason has no weapons.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

A Massachusetts, man, eighty
three years old, last week married
girl of nineteen. She is his third
wife.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

He that voluntarily continues ig-
norant is guilty of all the crimes that
ignorrnce produces.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

The Maryland senate has passed
bill reducing marriage licenses to so
cents.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Theron F. Butler, who died in
New York recently, left an income
of S15, 900 per annum to his wife so
long as she remains single, and
81 90 PEI annum if she should mar
ry again.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

When VIM. b. Astor died he had
on his rent roll in New York City
72O houses. The estate now has
over 200 houses.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Try to see yourself through the
eyes of those around you.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Courtesy is never out Of place. 1t
is as easy to look and speak pleasant
ly as the reverse.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

The highest postal rate from the
United States is to Patagonia and the
Island of st. Helena-27 cents per
half ounce.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

To get rid OF bad friend ask him
for what you most need.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

One clergyman in Floyd county,
Georgia, claims to have united 1908
couples,
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

The path of duty in this world is
the road to salvation in the next.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

On the 22d of March, Emperor
William, of Germany, will be SO
years old.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

North Carolina claims to have a
diamond field.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

A London policeman died recently
leaving q fortune of $50, 200.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Indulge always in a benevolent
forgetfulness of self.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

1t costs S., 1000 year to supply
the National government with nose
gave
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Some genius has invented a pin
with point which bends over on it
self and becomes harmless after be-
ing put in its place. Pretty girls
will confer a favor on the male por-
ton Of the human race by using that
kind.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Amorous frog, rosy snow, dewy
periwinkle, expiring green, comet,
budding love, frothy Cliquot, and
Bengal fire are the singular names
of some of the most fashionable col
ors in Paris this season.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21
Benevoient and Literary.

7f.HYrEsyILLE LIBRARY--o. f. Smith, Librarian
Open from to II a. m. aud from 2. to4 p. m.
WARREN LODGE, No. IA, A. +. and A. M.-John
6hvers; Master; L. NJ. Applegate, Secretary. Regu-
BAR meetings Saturday evening preceding full moon.
CHARIroN LODGE No. IT, A. O. U. W.. C..
wallace, NJ. w; r. Ii. TIsdale, Recorder Regular
nasetings 2d and 4th Tuesday evening at o'clock.
cHARIToN Co. MEDICAL socIErr.-Meets the Fourth
fheFsday in each month at Salisbury.
SELEcrs KNIGnTs, A. o. U. w.-Meets I'd and 4th
Friday evenings in each month"; J. D. Butler, G. C.,
3. Il. Tisdale, r.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Every married mau ought to get
his life insured. In case of death,
fighting the insurance company for
the money would occupy the widows
mind and keep her from brooding
over her misfortune.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Be the first to hold outthe hand of
peace.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21
CHARLTON COURIER.
LEGAL BLANKS

a iargestOck Of Legal Blanks for Justices of tn
reaee, constecies' Township onaesrs, Conyeyaneers
anu aso miscellaneous Blanks, kept constantly on
hand, and for sale at Hannibal Prices. We use IN
very best paper, and our blanks are all Of standar
such as are prescribed by the statuts, or ara
In general use.
JOB PRINTING.
al. hinds Of Job Printing, from the simplest Car
70 Bound Book, neatly exeeated on Short Notice
ana atthevery Lowest Living Prices, In .hs Lates
svlss and ofthe Best Quality. We keep mp Wit
u.s In all the new designs Of display type, an
most approved prestes and defy the country or CITY
in comparison Of work.
We Solicit Your Patronage.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Sunny India is where we men are
thoroughly appreciated. The wild
ows of that country are miserable
beiugs, considered disgraced, de-
graded outcasts, towhom it is crime
to speak a word of sympathy.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Improve thyself, then try to inn
prove others.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21
County Omcers,
Religious

PREsBTTERIAN CHuRcH-Prsaching first and third
sabbath. Rev. 8. IL. Watson, pastor. Sabbath
School syery Sabbath morning at . o'clock.
4ETHoDTsf CHURCH (South)-Rev. J. +. Shores,
pastor Services the fourth Ssbbaths of each month,
morning and evening. SABBATH school every Sab
afh morning mt O'Clock.
yIRsr BAPTIST CHURcH-Rev. H. Barton pastor.
services second and fourth Sundays of each nth.
N. Z CHuRcH-Rev p. A. Crockett, pastor.
Services second and fourth Sabbatns month,
Ao1nEhg and evening Sabbath school every Sabbath
at p.
FirrIsr cHvRcn (cOIorcd)-sabbath school every
Sabbath at p. m.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21
CHARLTON COURIER
BY vANDIvER s COLLINS.

The coURIER is the only paper puDIishedat Keytes-
lie, the County seat of Charlton County, and has
extensive circulation, its readers representing the
Stslligenee, thrift and enterprise ofthe county.
Terms of Subscription.
0ne Copy, one year Tin advanced l......-.....S so
Obe OoPJa SIX 70
As an advertising medium the CoURIER has but
sw squalls in the West The County in which It
iReulates being the largest most wealthy and
hiekly populated "a the State, its specialeldis ex
suve, and Its circulation has reached pOintseldom
quGied by the country press.
Rates Furnished on Application.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21
CHEAP HOMES !!
IN
Arkansas and Texas!

Along the Line of the St. Louis, Iron
Mountain and Southern Railway. Texas,
and Pacific Railway and International and
and Great Northern Railroad, arc thons-
ands of acres of the choicest farming and
grazing lands in the world, ranging in
price from $500 to $500 and $4.00 per
acre, in healthy country, with climate un-
surpassed for salubritv and comfort. Send
your address to the undersigned for copy
ofstatistics of crops raised in Askansas and
Texas in 1882, and make up your mind to
go and see for yourself when YOU learn
that the crop of 1888 is so per cent larger
than that of 1882. To those. purchasing
land owned by the Company, and paying
onefourth, one-half, or all cash, proper.
tionate rebate is allowed for money paid
for tickets or freight over the Companies
lines.
Il. C. TOWNS NO.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21
JOR PRJNTJNC
GENERAL NOTES.

Justice is truth in action.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Married men cannot be too careful.
A Michigan woman is going to ap-
ply for divorce because she found
a hairpin in his pocket, and yet he is
willing to swear that he only used it
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Courtesy is due to others.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

1t has been remarked that ladies
have a great fear OF lightning, and
this has been superfciaIly ascribed
to their natural timidity- But the
truth is that it arises from their con-
sciousness of being attractive.
Chariton courier. (Keytesville, Chariton County, Mo.) 1878-current, 1884-03-21

Charity is the salt of riches.