The Dickinson press., 1884-03-15
Not . Match for the Duda.

Not . Match for the Dude.
Talk about yer doods," said q Texas
stockman On the Chicago, Burlington
and Quincy train last night, sbut a
!eetle the doodest dood lever seen wuz
afeller tibet come down from Boston.
into our kentry o year ago las Septem-
her."
"He didn't stay in Texas long, I
guess" said a little man in a silk hat.
"Yaas, he's there now"
Thought they wouldn't let q dude
live in Texas"
"Waal, I'll tell you how it waz we
come to let him stay. He come down
there with his peeked boots an his
tight trousers an yaller kid gloves, a
slingin'more style than a new congress-
man on the 10th of July, and q tellin'
folks tibet his doctor said he'd got the
consumption an d have to live in a
warm climate"
"Ah, yes, of course, YOU pitied the
poor fellow, and let him stay on that
account"
ssNot exactly that; but as I was a.
sayin,, he slung his style like Mormon
walkin' by a United States marshal's of.
fec. Waal, one night he come into a
saloon where a lot of us wuz a-drinking,
an e steps up to the bar an says: AN
Il say, bah-tendah, give me a trife of
az wan lemonade. Bill johnson
snorted right out, an then says: Boys,
what dye ye say? les make the dood
drink GIN It wuz a 60, so Bill walks
up an slaps the dood OH the back like
l;e'd break i'm in two. Bills the best
man on the muscle in our hull kentry.
Say says Bill, you'd better drink GIN
'Aw-but it is q VAIN lemonade I de-
siah, says the dood. sWaal,' says Bill,
warm lemonade don't go in these
ere parts; you drinks gin or you drinks
nuthin; you hear me?' 'It-aw-seems
to me, your mistaken says the dood,
ithout seemin' to see there wuz trouble
ahead; L want to-aw-dwink VAIN
Lemonade an he reached out fur the
glass. Bill wunk at the rest of us an
says to the dood: Dye know what I'm
a-goin to do eff you tries to drink any
thing but gimp 'Weally, lido not, NAH
deah boy 'Wa'al' says Bill, tI'ma-goin'
to stand you on your head in that air
box O. sawdust.' 'Aw-that would not
be wight says the dood, a-tipping up
his glass to drink. Bill reached out and
grabbed i'm by the neck, on Inever see
a man git licked so quick"
BILL was too mnch for him, was he?"
"No, Stree, it wuz t'other way. It wuz
Bill tibet got licked. Jerusalem an
Gin'ral Jackson, but how that dood did
jump about! An every time e jumped
e fetched Bill one on the eye er under
the ear er along the jaw, an Bill
couldn't git within gunshot Nv sim.
Why tibet air dood he'd more tricks fur
fightin' than Bill ever dreamed Nv.
First he'd be behind Bill an then on top
NV i'm, an then under 'im' an every
time Bill opened an eye the dood stuck
a fist in terry fist, it didn't make no
difference to him. He wuz just about
ez handy with his thumpers ez any man
needs to be in this world. It didn't
take him more'n a minute to go all
around Bill an over i'm through sim
in the bargain, an then. when he had
Bill p%rettyswell licked he took him the
a%lliredest crack on the nose an sent
i'm over in the corner behind the ice
box like q bundle O. old clo'es."
"What did he do them"
"Why, lie just turned aroun' an
brushed the sawdust off his knee where
he'd ducked down to come up under
Bill, an says he: Gentlemen, will you
join me-aw-in AVIAN lemonade?' An
we jined i'm, too quick"
eyes, he's there yet; an I guess he
kin stay unless the consumption gifts
away with i'm. There hain't nothing
else down there that kin do it, that's
sure. "-[Chicago News.