The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-09-28

So FAR as reports have reached us,
there have been no more Opponents with
COACHES" since the Morosini escapade.
SARAH BERxHARDT is said to be COM
ing event, but it is scarcely necessary to
mention why she does not cast her
shadow before"
LOGAN is credited with the remark
that "the grand old Republican party
stands on the brink of an abscess, but
will be equal to the exegesis."
WILL they neverlet these poor women
alone? Now they credit Belva a. Lock
wood with saying: "Mrs. Hayes was
President for four years. don't see
why I shouldn't be-" ...t
THE COURIER Journal: Jay Gould's
income is said to be S. minute. If Jay
we're to come out as working-man's
and anti-monopoly candidate for the
Presidency, hewould give Butler close
run. Cg---r-tT ITO AL
IF THERE is anything calculated to
arouse woman s ire it isto read through
half column ofsnalI type headed g A
Pretty Woman's Secret" and then dis
cover that it is an advertisement of
patent beautifer.
AN EsTEEMfD exchange wastes two
whole columns to describe New Things
in Watermelon" and yet it is safe to
assert that new things in watermelon
never made half such trouble as new
melon in a small boy
rrT
HALF THE value of anything
to be done consists in doing it
promptly" says an exchange Its re
spectfully intimated that the above
might be applicable to paying for your
newspaper,
AN AMATEUR poet begins his latest
etfusion as follows:
81 am not dead"
Before one has waded half through It,
however, he begins to wish the poet had
not told the truth
ANXIOUS INQUIRER - When you say
that you have found the milk in the
cocoanut it is merely another way of
stating that you have got the facts in
nutshell. = P,;ck. Bad suggestion, Puck;
milk is not fact, it IS merely fancy
New York milk, at least.
The ST. LOUIS police board has ordered
that all shields, or badges, that have
been presented to the police of that
city, be thrown in a common heap and
melted, the proceeds going to the patrol
relief fund. This leads wicked New
York paper to remark that it perhaps
might be good idea for the police COM
missioners of Gotham to make a similar
order with regard to the locusts of ''the
finest" and present them to the widows
and orphans of the men who have been
Drained by them for winter use as fire.
wood,
DESCRIBING THE feats of Miss Hurst,
the electric girl" in conversation the
other evening a prominent physician
related some curious experiments of his
own in charging his body with cleo
tricity. By placing thick disks of glass
under the legs of a wooden stool, upon
which he was sitting, with his feet
resting upon one of the cross-bars, he
was able to accumulate in a few minutes
charge capable of producing sharp de-
donations in table upon which he
placed his fingers. By sprinkling fine
sand upon the table he traced the lines
of vibration from his finger tips to the
points of explosion, where the sand was
arranged in the form of rings.
THE LAND on which the battle of Get
tysburg was fought Is to be purchased
and driveway opened along the line
of battle, from DEVILS Den, at the foo
of Round Top, through the wheat field
to the peach orchard, to afford an OPP
portunitt for monuments to be erected
to mark the position oftroops, Veteran,
of the various military organization.
that took part in the battle are invited
to assemble at Gettysburg on the even
ing of September 3Oth, to aid in laying
out the avenue, to indicate the position.
occupied by their respective commands
October 1st and I'd will be devoted tt
that work, followed by general review
of the field.
ANAcTREss who has hitherto spoken OF
the stage with strong French accen
is this season free from the slightes
trace of it. "How did you come to los,
your dialect?" she was asked. "Well
I'll tell you about that" she replied
this is the first burlesque part I evel
played, and 1 felt like a fool in my COS
tune on the opening night. l was dumb
for an instant after my entry, ant