The Osceola times., 1884-04-19
INTROSPECTIvE PHILOSOPHY.
A Case where IN Over Auxious Barber
Was Beaten.
Ark. Traveller.

Ark. Traveller.
A long haired gentleman while passing
q barber shop was accosted by a barber
who, on the lookout for work, stood in
the doorway
"Say, cap'n, better come in an let me
cut yer ha'r."
"Why do you want to cut my hair?'
stopping and politely replying to the bar
Der.
"'Case its mighty long, boss"
"That's where your depraved grasp for
gain gets the better of your judgment.
My hair has just been closely shingled /"
"What makes it lay down on yer
shoulders den, boss?"
at does not lie on my shoulders. To
your vitiated sight it may seem to lie on
my shoulders, but in reality it does not.
Did you ever study introspective philos-
ophy?"
"No, sab; neber heard o. it,"
"Well, that's the cause of your mistake.
You have stood here in your door so
long, watching people with long hair,
until you think that the head of every
man needs shingling Your desire to
make money has outstripped the judg-
ment Of your eyesight. Men in your
profession have kept on in this way un-
til they had to be taken to an asylum
where such diseases are treated. You
have been standing out here for about
half an hony, haven'tyou?"
"Yas, sab"
"And nearly every man who passed
had long hair, didn't hep
"Yas, sab, dat's fack."
"You have seen more men than wo-
men pass, haven't you?"
"B'lieve has, sah."
''In fact nearly everybody who passes
is a man."
"Yas. sah.'
well, nov, the truth is, very few men
passed here within the last hour, and
those who did pass had short hair. In
your eagerness for work, resulting from
that brain hallucination born of a desire
for gain, you have mistaken women for
men and long hair for short. Haven't
you been troubled in your mind about
religion lately?'
Think has, boss"
"Of course. You are afflicted by brain
hallucination. This is the direct work
of the devil You were slave before
the war;
"Gas, sab.'
Certainly, and the devil is endeavor-
ing to keep you slave. He is giving
you false eye-sight. He is sowing in
your breast the seeds of gain desire. He
knows that after hile, by your persist
ency you will make yourself obnoxious
in the SIGHT OF the law"
'Dem's mighty cuis facks, boss"
"Io be sure they are You have never
studied introspective philosophy, have
your
"Nor, sab, kahn say dat | hab."
well then, so much better for the
devil. He ha' Just begun to work on
yon now, but after awhile he'll make
you seize little babies out of their bug
gies, take them into your shop and at
tempt to shave them and cut their hair"
May de Lawd sabe me from dat
time," replied the barber with u rest
less air.
Sure to come unless you study intro
spectivc philosophy You have gone
far already. You are blinded now.
What am |? man or woman"
'Yer's dressed like man, sah."
and you thought just now that had
long bair?n
"Yas. sah"
well am woman with short hair
and wear flowing skirts"
Boss, you's goin too fur wild me-"
"All right III bet you twenty dollars
that | am dressed as a woman and that
my hair is short. We will leave it TO
any man you may select"
81 amt bettin' man, cap'n."
81 don't blame you. | am woman
dressed as a woman, but am an intro
spectiye philosopher. Ifyou 20 on in
your ignorance, you are likely to go crazy
after awhile. Why don't you study phil
osophy|'
81 amt got de books, sah."
Madam, if you please"
"S'cuse me. l amt got de books, mad
am"
We'll, here is book on iutrospective
philosophy that ! will let you have for
Two dollars"
Here's yer money; gimme de book"
and the long-haired agent for great
work walked away in contentment with
his own abilities