The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-12-03
Joy at the Gross Roads.
CoSFEpERIT Y ROADS,
In the State Nv Kentucky,
Nov l. 1SS4

Never senee the fust battle Of Bull
Run, when il wuz represented that
the Fedrei Army had bin entirely
destroyed and that the ConieGerits
WIZ in posseshun ~ Washington.
wuz there sich = feeling az absloot
JOY IN the Corners & Wednesday
mite, when We reserved the glad IN
telligence that our noble standard
barer, ex-Sheriti Cleveland, had bin
electid. The effect wuz electrikle.
We wood hev he'd speeches, bat
Baseom, wIch as a ass, wuz so full
Nv JOY that he spilled the hull thing
by remarkin that ms wife and son,
Jefferson Davis. wuz putin a fresh
bari on top, and that the Corners
WIZ welcome.
At about 5 in the eyenin l wuz
pulled cut Nv nv ehare and stood
up on whisky bari for a speech. l
he'd skasely commenst when / wuz
roodly pulled down. II wus that
feend, Joe Bigler, who remarkt that
be felt very much ike maxim
speech hisself, and when in the
mood Nv disehargin hisself be didn't
want no interrupshen-
My friends, he commenst, Il am
with you to-nite to rejoice with 700
over the glorious results NV the
eleckshun r
'YoO rejoice With Us y" eggsclam-
ed the surprised meetin. why,
you are a Black Republican.
''Troo, he replied, "too troo, but
still rejoice. / confess that navin
a family ! NEEDN'T the nerve 10 vote
for Cleveland, but nevertheless / re-
joice that ne Is electid.7
Give Us yer reason, shouted the
eggscited mulutood.
i hev a reason and It is a good
one ! Kin git along under any
SORT uy Government; but gentle
men. I hev bin mitily concerned ez
TO wat viii become NV them when
am gone, and consequently | want to
see hOg much NV strane a Govern
ment Kin stand four years NV sich a
man, and them which viii be be
alnd him, il will endoor forever. for
certainly We kin never possibly gil
anything wuss. Efthe people want
> man Wich Good rite that letter 70
Mrs. Beeoher, and De rather proud
Gy II. their amt 10 danger Nv ther
ever bein anything but a republic on
this continent Fl il stands that
strane II Will stand anything.
i rejoice becoz 1t Is the carryin
out, IN one sense Nv our system. Il
Is cur proud boast that any one may
aspire 10 the Presidency. The eleck-
shun on TOosday shows that this
IS no vane boast. Anybody, / say
anybody, after this may aspire to
the Presidency, ef sich a man ez
Cleveland kin cit there.
u rejoice over the eleckshun Nv
Cleveland becoz it wuz 10 be eggs
pected that sumtime ia the histry
az the Repubiik sieh a man shood,
by some InsCrutable decree nv Di-
vlne Providence, be elevated to the
Presidency. and | ned rather the
calamity would happen while l an
ellve 10 endo0r Il, than 10 hev II fall
upon my innOsent children. | kin
stand il. for / hev knowd greef 1
hev seen sieh men e Pierce and
bCokann0n President, and | know
what 10 expect But with by inno-
sent children 1t is different, and I
want tnIs calamity TO come whilef l
am alive and kin sort o comfort
and sheeld EN-. Gentlemen. I am
sick, but this feerfuI disgrace he'd 10
come some time I am glad it hez
come now.
Then Josef stawked cut uv the
room, and We resoomed our rei0icin.
Basc0mis one bari didn't last long.
IneZmuch ez II WIZ a certain thing
that the Federal Offices wood soon
be ours, be felt II safe to extend il
credit to sieh es wood materially I'll
their places, and We ordered reck-
lisly.
/ don't keer, however. The post
offs Is mine and when l am drorin
my salery kin pay him orr by in
stallmence.
The festivities wuz KEEP up till day
lite, and the half Nv the Corners slep
on his floor, wat little sleep they
got. 1t was a glorious eelebrashen
Nv a glorious event. Half the
t0asts that wuz drunk was to the
ProhibitiOnifis Nv Noo York, whose
Zeal for ST. Jonh enshoord the sleck-
shun Nv Cleveland, and struck a
deth-blOw at the Temperance fanati-
cism wien seriously threatened rs
even IN Kentucky. Out NV the five
bari Nv whisky consoOmed, three Nv
EN- wuz to our Prohibishun friends.
The Prohibishunists and the rum
mills of Moo York did the biznis.
Nv heart Is overhowin. Il is the
fust gleam az sunshine | hev seen
for twenty-five years.
Halleloojy
Y