Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-04-18
FUN

that while you mustn't lie about it direct
Up and openly, it is perfectly lawful to
keep your mouth shut during a horse
trade, and while you must not warrant an
animal as perfectly sound in wind, limb,
and condition, without fault, spot, mar,
or blemish. when you know that he has a
glass eye, goat neck mango. saddle gals,
roach back, ringbone, quarter crack,
SPAWN, fiat foot, wind gals, scratches,
capped hook, stiff joint, blind staggers,
ox-foot, rat-tail, and hollow back, yet you
are not compelled to call attention to
these minor defects in the splendid Ken
tucky-bred animal you are trying to trade
the stranger for spring wagon, set of
harness, two-year-old colt, and $75 cash.
This ID wise and humane law. and let's
the deacon out Of great many tight
places, where otherwise trade would be
paralyzed, the arteries of commerce checked
and stagnated by the unwise hand of op-
pressive laws, and panic, mistrust, and
depression would settle down upon a
hopeless world in the rayless gloom OF
mistrust and suspicion.-Bob Burdette.
There is no way of accounting for the
manner in which the tongue will twist
itself at times and distort the English
language. Everybody who has experience
ed the notification caused by this Per-
verse and "unruly member" will appreciate
the following: A young lady entering a
crowded church was little uncertain as
to the exact locality Of the pew in which
friends had kindly offered her sitting
Touching an elderly gentleman on the
shoulder, she sweetly inquiries, "Can you
tell me who occupeacs this pie ?''
A neat story Of the late Baron Roths-
child Is told in the French papers. He
was very busy one morning, when the vi
comte de L. P. was admitted into his Of
fee. The Baron, absorbed in his reading,
said without lifting his head, II am at
your orders, sir; take chair" Pardon
me-, Was the answer, 81 am the Vicomte
de L. P" "Ah," said the Baron, not
looking up, "take two chairs, then"
Grants Parson Newman says $S8, OOO,-
900 are spent annually on strong drink,
while only $12,000,O00 are spent for the
support Of preachers. This must be looked
into. 1t seems that SIP, 100000 is a great
deal OF money.
Soap don't cost as much as diamonds,
but lots o. people dou't seem to be able to
afford both. A man that needs 40 cents
worth OF whiskey to give him an appetite
for Is cent dinner always has the dys-
pepsia.
Marat Halstead wrote three editorials
opposing the rise of the Ohio River, and
it kept rising. Then Mclean, of the En-
Qntrcr, urged it to rise higher and it began
to fall. This shows the 20 wer of the Gin
elnnati press.
Whatever is planted in Dakota grows
rapidly. Having this in mind a Dakota
wido~er refused to bury his wife there
and sent her back to Ashtabula county,
Ohio. He was afraid she would grow
again.
A louisville lady has sued for divorce,
asserting that her husband had not done
any work for fourteen years. There are
some women who want man to be on the
keen jump all the time.
Y GU came here unlimited, aud wish
you would leave Immediately" was the
inhospitable remark of citizen when the
river came into the parlor. "All right,n
answered the river. 81 have sediment
to leave in short time, and l will do So
The following question is to be wrestIed
with by county debating society at it's
next session: If the Mormon who has
eight wives bures one Of them, how much
of widower does he become, il any?
sWhat does the word pedigree mean,
John?" SIT means descent" "W rite
sentence on the board containing that
word" John went up and chaIked off the
following: I'VE pedigreed down the hill -
A Vermont man has a hen 80 years old.
The other day hawk stole It, but after
an hour came back with broken bill and
three claws gone. put down the hen and
took an old rubber boot In place of it.
$50 you are engaged to DR.. b., it must
be very nice to be engaged to DOCTOR
Every time he calls, you know-and of
course that must be very often-you feel
as if you were getting for nothing what
anybody else would have to pay So for. "a
A young mother, travelling with her
infant child, writes the following letter to
her husband at home: "We are all doing
irst-Fate and enjoying ourselves very
|ppch. We are in fine health. The bow
|can crawl about on all-fours. Hoping |
that the same may be said of you, re-
main. ETC., Fanny
"Why did you put that nickel with a |
hole in it in the contribution box ?" asked !
pne man of another. "Because couldn't
put the hole in without the nickle, and I
bad to put in something's 4
A certain Greene county, Ca, farmer
bought lot of bees not long ago. Being |
f an lnquisitive and accumulasaye mind /
e determined to watch their movements. |
lie accordingly looked iatO one of his 4
ives with that end in view. His head has \
b far decreased in size as, to allow him to
lear No. 9 hat. The attendant physi-
an things he will be able to recognize |
Is Youngest son by the middle of May.
One cold night recently a somewhat be-
ddled stranger rushed into Ge0roe
wn restaurant and shiveringly aiacu-
ted: where is the register ?" A COL
ed waiter rushed over to the counter.
eked up book and handed it to- the
ezing man with the remark "Here it
boss.' The stranger looked at the