Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-07-23
Magruder's Discipline.

magruuefs josephine.
A writer in the San Francisco Ar.
gonaut tells this story of Gen. Ma
gruder Magruder looked at every
thing from q quizzical point of view.
lie was an Irishman--a brilliant man
but so possessed with tho sense OF
humor that he was thoroughly illogi-
cal. He used to dress in the most
eccentric manner, and was always
carrying out strange theories which
he evolved from his inner conscious
ness. When quite young officer he
whiled away the tedium of his garri-
son life by studying law. under Judge
CASTOR, distinguished jurist of the
day. lie was proud of this fact and
was wont often to allude to it. One
day Magruder became possessed with
the idea that fishermen did not know
how to catch haddock. He was
stationed in Maine, and he determin-
ed to drill them to do it in a military
fashion.
"Dithipline is the thing. thh." In
addition to his other peculiarities, Ma
gruder lisped badly. "Men should
catch fish like soldiers. BY heaven,
thir, this is true.'' .o . - ~ r,
No one was unwise, enough TO dis
pute it, and so Magruder went to work
to perfect his plans. Such is the force
of earnest persuasion that he succeed
ed in convincing quite body of fish
ermen to 60 in with him. AT 4:30 in
the morning Magruder made the
round Of the tents, for, in true soldier
style he had put them all in tents.
To his horror he found his men asleep
'By heaven, thir," said he TO the
man in the first tent, "why are you
not up?" ,. i 't,.,. .
The fisherman only turned lazily
in his cot. : .sis grrf " F." =
"Get up, | tell YOU" said Magru.
der, angrily, "get up" r' a.-.f.
The fisherman, unused to the sweets
of discipline, only cursed aloud
Here was dilemma. "By heaven
thir," said Magruder, as he afterward
told the story on himself, 81 had t,
do something to preserve discipline
So told him that if he didn't get VI
I'd cut his throat"
1t seems, however, that the MAJ
paid not the slightest attention t.
what he considered an impotent threat
But, unfortunately for him, Ma
gruder was quite logical in his alb
surdities. Besides, he reasoned thus
81 have said 1 would cut his throat
and by heaven, l must do it," S,
thinking, he stole up to the man, tool
razor and drew it across the cuticle
intending merely to draw blood. Blu
the man moved, so the cash was quit
considerable. The sacrificed victim
roared, and man in an adjoining
tent came to the rescue. Magrude
turned angrily to the newcomer an
said '.
"Tie this man up to that tree"
He did not dare to hesitate. Ii
saw the blood flowing freely from hi
companions throat. He saw Ma
gruder with q razor in his hand. S
the man was duly tied up. ..,..
"Now, thir, will you get up in tn
morning and go out fishing when
tell you 2"
The man now terrified and wea
from loss of blood, yielded and prom
ised anything.
"Take him down." said Magrude
sternly. The order was executes
; "Now sign this paper" And wit
, this he tore leaf out of his MOI
} book, on which he had written a col
fession that the luekless fsherma
, had cut his own throat with the il
tention of committing suicide.
Snow, thir, if you dare say an.
thing about what has occurred tn
morning III produce this paper. III
attempt to commit suicide is a Grim
BY heaven! l know. | have studio
! law under Judge CASTOR"