Huntsville gazette., 1884-11-01
A Judge in a Bad Fix.

| Several weeks ago Judge of the Su-
preme Court of one of the Western
States left his home for an extended
Western trip. Passing over the crook
I'd narrow gauge roads of Colorado, he
was made seasick. Without thinking
his teeth were more the skill of the dem
tist than the growth of nature, he poked
his head from the window and alas in
she eructation of very sick man he
spurted the upper and lower set of his
''chinas" from his mouth into the
broad prairies, at the rate of twenty
miles an hour.
When a Judge gets sick, very sick
nan is he. He was so sick that he did
not discover his dental loss until the
train had gone ten miles. In an in
slant after the discovery, the distin-
guished Judge jumped up from his seat.
pulled the bellrope as signal to stop
she train, exclaiming with his hand upon
his mouth:
''My teeth are gone. conductor you
must back the train until they are
found. am travelling for health-am
a dyspeptic my other set of teeth
at home-can't get along in this coun-
try without teeth-can scarcely eat tho
tough meat and tougher bread with
hem. l despise soft toast, oatmeal.
nush and milk; so if. the teeth are not
found will starve in search of health"
The conductor gave the signal to the
engineer to 90 on at an increased speed,
coolly saying as he walked off,
Return, wanderer return
And find those ancient mOlars;
regret the loss which makes you mourn.
But can't go back Der the bOulders." "
The distinguished Judge hissingly re-
marked through his clenched gums, as
the conductor passed through the door:
II hate poet of any kind, especially
poet on teeth. | can stand one on
the lost Pleiad, the lost Tribe or tho
lost Cause, but man is a son-of-a-dog
who poeticises on lost teeth. That con-
ductor shall be removed for indiffer-
ence to the comfort of his passengers"
1t is said the Judge telegraphed his
wife to send him forthwith his ''other
set" and when the telegram was re-
ceived it read ''other suit" Like all
good wives, Mrs. sent him by ex-
press his Sunday suit. The reporter
now leaves it to others to imagine what
the Judge said when he saw the box
containing what he supposed to be his
''other set" A bell boy at the hotel
reports that he heard him saying:
''Well, she has sent me all the old teeth
chat could be found. That's just like a
woman-a box full Of teeth. What will
[ do with them-scatter them, sup
pose. like dragons teeth, to populate
this cursed country with men,"
The box is opened, and swallow
;ail and pair of pruncllas fall out instead
Of the ''other SET" Now the air is
made lurid; the fumes of birthstone
permeate the whole house; the bell-bov
escapes with his life, hearing in his
flight: ''How in the name of all the
prophets can man eat Colorado beef
with swallow-tail coat and a pair of
old shoes? It's a wonder she didn't
send me last years birds nest, piece
Of a crazy quilt or one of Beecher's old
sermons on prohibition. 1t requires
opoopendyke patience to get along with
.he women of this country. They are
all alike-can not let man 60 off on
little pleasure trip for a few months free
IF band-boxes and free of trunks with
out pouting like a sixteen-year-old girl
over the misfit of a new dress. / am
tired of such indignities.'
After this outbreak Of patriotism the
Judge quietly packed his bandana and
returned to his home in search of his
''other set," about three weeks ahead Of
time, and as toothless as when he first
5ade the world good morning. seventy
rears ago. Since he has filled up the
sunken places with the ''other set" and
eaten q few square meals, he now enjoys
;he joke, and says the moral is: "Never
.ravel without both sets, and never tele-
graph home for an article with the ex-
oe"tation of getting t"-!St. Louis Re
tuOtican.