West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1884-12-19
A SUGGESTION.
hob Burdcttc Gives Little Gooi- Nature,
Advice to Railroad Directors.

OF recent years, become coldly reserved
aud icily exclusive on the vital question
of free passes.
Not long erSt, when the bloom was
on the golden rod and September notes
werc beginning to fall due, L journcyed
toward the land of the South and the
Prince likewise was with mo. Now the
days OF the years of the Princes pil-
grimage have been few and Jolly. and
have not yet attained unto the davS of
the years of his fathers pilgrimage; but
they will, If he lives and keeps ON
growing. He was born few months
longer than seven years ago, which was
such famous year for colts But his
complexion u fair and his stature linn
tied and his figure slight, insomuch
that he appearcth to bc of five years or
under. Now when got me upon the
train | bought no half ticket
As we iourncyed To the south land
the conductor approached "A woman
| sitting in the seat in front OF me. She
had two little girls with her Their
! ages were apparently eight and ten
! years. The younger was reading a
book. They were large girls. Not tall
| for their ages, but pretty massive for
/ the trce ride age. lt was evident they
were half-fare candidates, ON "A fair
/ count. In answer to the conductors :
| question, the mother, presenting her
/ own ticket, said that her girls were
each under six years young The man
| with the punch said they were very
large for their ages. and the woman
said that size had nothing to do with il;
! if they were tall us giants and under
six years they were entitled to ride free.
and she hoped she knew the ages of her
own children. And the peculiarly red
| signal emphasis she placed ON her
| double hopes made the conductor
shiver. He waved his punch with an
apologetic gesture, and TO his great
| pleasure, seeking some relief from his
embarrassment, ne saw me. All! now
he could quarrel with man. lie
could fire me off if refused to pay half
fare for my boy.
How old is that childi'' he demand
ed, in pay or walk accent
"Dear me- | said "what "A question
10 ask father How old is your young
est childpN
knew he couldn't tell without think
ing II over for five minutes. and so
gained time. He had the look of an old
married man with Il big family. so when
saw his face begin TO clear up, and
knew he was coming at me again, | fired
at him, with:
'How many children have youP"
That threw him once more, and saw
him furtivcly count up to seven on his
fingers; but | was little slow getting
into battery for the next shot. and before
j could ask him their names he CHARGED
right into my lines
Never mind about my children" he
said. II want to know how old that
boy is
said: Conductor, sit down / can't
tell you, and you know why. If tell
you he is only three there will be a
dreadful lie on my conscience, and
won't get my hair shirt of for week
III i tell you the truth and say that he is
seven and Il half that woman with the
wo big five year-old girls will consider
il direct insult You have accepted
her statement; now, you couldn't have
the broad and massive brow to charge
my boy half fare, though ! sworc he
were forty. One liar on a train is
enough. DO not press your question
and get me into trouble | must either
scar my conscience with n false state
mcnt, or get into row with the man.
ma of yonder Eighteen years OF girls"
lie saw tie emJarrassinr position
into which hc was forcing both of is.
and with gcItlcmanly consideration left
me.
Now, you see the trouble is all here
In adopting rule for dcad-hcad and
half fare children the railway companies
have acted foolishly and adoptcd a
most absurd standard. That Of are
What does q young unmarried conductor
know about the ages Of children? What
conductor, old or young, can dispute
the statement Of mOthcrP What has
age 90 do with IT, anyhow? j. that
standard adopted with any class Of pas
sengers save human beings? Does it
cost any more 10 transport ten year
old horse than I'VE year old colt?
The standard should be either size or
weight. Then the conductors task
would be an easy one. Make the rule
that all children over three feet i'm height
or weighing more than forty pounds
should pay half fare. I'm every car n
Fairbanks scale, i'm every punch a tape
measure. "lIOw tall is your little girl.
Madam just two feet eleven and
three-quarter inches, sir Stand up.
little dear Out comes the tape
measure and little dear, stopping as her
mother bids her in vigorous, matronly
pantommo. stands up 10 four feet two
inches Of tape line. What does the
little boy wcigh?' "Thrty-ninc pounds
ten and liye-cighth ounces. '1Iop ON
to these scales, my son. All. that's lust
1t; sevcnty-ihree pounds nine ounces.
Seven dollars and half. madam"
trust The railroads can see the wis
dom Of this suggestion. I don't sup
pose J will save q cent bv &c. IN fact I
can dodge the half fare more easily
now under tho present absurd rule.
which really is nothing but a premium
offered on lying The man who tells
the truth is compelled by the company
20 pay half fare for bis children. while
the man who lies about it has his chill
dren carried free. I am interested
neither iD the railroads nor the passen-
gers, but this is an age Of reform. and
] am constantly On ting my BROOKLYN
Eagfe eyo about for something % re-
form
The tocsin sounds from the tower. IL
j. my hour 10 put peas in my shoes and
walk around the block until tca-timc.
for telling % boOk-canyasscr Yesterday
that ! had just received q copy of the
book, Forest Footprints Of the
Algonqmns, from Che author who was