The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1884-03-13
THE TRIALS OF JONATHAN MOL
LILY.

Jonathan Mollify was in despair He
was ready to take en affidavit that no
more hOpelessly miserable specimens
of the genus homo existed than he, on
this beautiful Monday morning, Ammo
Domini, 1898, in that rarest OF favored
countrios-the Golden State. This
lugubrious condition Of affairs was
nothing new; had it been, he might
have plucked up courage and hoped
for brighter days in the future. But,
years ago, he had given up all faith in
such well worn adages as THE darkest
cloud has a silver lining" 'Never was
so long u night but was vanquished by
the light,n 81 ceterG. Stuff and non
sense! The light was long time COM
ing, in his case, and he didn't see where
it was coming from, unless the gates of
n brighter world than this mundane
sphere should mercifully open before
him. 1t was all on account Of Maria,
this darkness and chaos and misery,
and as for any lifting of the cloud in
that direction, one might as well look
for a gold mine in the bottom of Salt
Lake. Maria hal the upper hands, and
she held the reins taut and firm.
They had been in her pOssession-hOw
lOngP 1t seemed an eternity, but it
could not be but half-dozen years or
so, reckoning by little Jonathan, who
was babe in the cradle when the
movement was crowned with success.
,"Movement?' You repeat. Why, yes,
the Woman's rights movement now in
full swing from shore to shore Of this
glorious Republic, and sweeping Maria
Mobility along with it, well-nigh to the
humiliation of her true and trusty
spouse, jonathan. Here it was Monday
iv,cr ATnrfn n
residence on the Pacific Coast, positively
would not forget the principle incul-
Gated in her youth, among the far
famed Yankees, that, whate er betide,
Monday is wash-day. Yea, though the
skies fall, the weeks washing must be
done, and Monday is the appointed
time. Jonathan was not sensible of
any decided objection to this pro-
grammc provided that Maria would in
terview the tub and wash-board herself,
but alas! this was not the order of the
. day in the new dispensation. Maria
was up and away, bright and early, on
official business connected with the an
nual convention of the Grand Union
Female Association of Liberty and
Equality, which was announced to be-
gin at nine n. m. of this very day, con-
tinuing through the week; and Jona-
than could still hear her metallic voice
calling from the buggy, rs she gave the
detected steed a cut of the whip, and
ratified out of the yard:
Hurry up, now, and get that wash
out a dryin in some kind of season.
And don't let jeremiah get in mischief.
And, remember, / shall be home to din
ner at twelve o'clock sharp!"
Shades of Erebus! what a change in
that woman's voice since those foolish
days, ten years ago. when they two
went sparkling down by the river
bank, where the violets grew the thick
est, and the birds carOled the sweet
est, as if in sympathy with the lover,
who strolled through their shady re
treats. Foolish daysi yet Jonathan
liked to recall them. But for the
memory Of them, he sometimes feared
he would throw off the CALLING yoke
and launch into the sea of eternity.
Who could have foreseen such a con
tingency rs this? who realized tn,
startling changes arising from pro
greSsive times, which had metamOr
phosed sweet Maria Moulton into tho
present Maria Mollify? Not Jonathan
Mollify, or never would he have Slipped
his neck into the moose matrimonial
that was as certain as tradesmeu's bin.
at New Years. But there was no dis
putting the fact women were now
voters, ollice-holders and proprietor
generally; and perhaps it was natura
sequence of centuries Of so-called-
oppression that they carried their new
dignities and responsibilities in a very
high-handed manner, assuming the aU
thority in domestic matters, as well a.
the lions share in political affairs
Anyhow Maria MOllify was not going
TO be Outdone by any one else, either a
II. hNr ~
opportunity to display abilities that lar
dormant and unrecognized prior to tia
grand and memorable day when tn,
emancipation of the female sex was le
galy effected. All, well-a-day! il haC
been rough sailing for the discomfite,
maScuines ever since, especially TO
those who, like himself, were so IN
fortunate rs to be bound hard and fas
by the ties of wedlock to n bright an,
shining star, leader invincible and un
daunted, in the new dominion. Maria
services were constantly in demand, anC
her time was consequently too vaSuabl
TO be spent in obscurity at home. iona
than, being of less note and usefulness
in the political world. must render him
self of service at the hearthstone Thi
Maria thought eminently prope
and consistent It was, there
fore. Jonathan who washed the dishes
cooked the meals-on time, too, or h,
rued his tardinesS-tended the babies
and otherwise kept oiled and in motion
the machinery of the household. AnC
this it was which had transformed hin
from Joyous bridegroom to disheart
ened, spiritless shadow Of man.
Ouch! ou-ou-ou ouch!' came
mighty howl from the kitchen. Papa
papa! want my papa! ow-ow-ow
Ow''
Great gcodnessl what's that child
into nOwp Maria charged me to loOl
after him, and l forgot all about it
Blast it all! Hush up Jerry, can't you
Don't make such an ALFRED racket"
No more reveries for Jonathan Mol
lily. In the middle of the cluttere'
kitchen, his hands, face and dress be
smeared with soft soap, the buckle
from which it. had been distracted up
set on the floor, stood the originator o
the howl in question, chubby, two
ycar-old boy, and as disguised a look
ing one as ever tempered with presum
able sweets.
s'Me sit, papa" walled the child
with cOntorted face; ''me dretful sit
Boo -hoo-o-o-o!"
"Where are you sick?' queried papa
drawing the disconsolate object towar,