davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

"A Leavenworth (Kan.l colored
preacher recently baptized thirty people
in fifteen minutes.
English inspectors have reported
the most practicable way Of teaching
history is TO begin with the present
time and 60 backward The Century
Since 1868, London, which was
formerly considered a grayefor Method
ism, and at that date had only sixteen
chapels, has increased to sixtyfour
sanctuaries and ninety-seyen smaller
places Of worship.
The largest Protestant cathedral In
the world Is that at Ulm, Germany.
When completed it win be surmounted
by the highest spire in existence. The
building Is the finest pieco Of Gothic
architecture In Germany.
The collections for the s'Luther
fund.- Of the Lutheran Church in Russia
amount to &l90,O00. the interest OF
ministers and parochial teachers aud
the establishment Of new pastorates.
The Benevolent Fraternity Of (Bos-
ton Unitarian) churches has voted to
accept the chapel and other property
bequeathed to 1t by tho late Rev.
Henry Morgan. Ono Of the stipulations
OF the will Is that the chapel pulpit
shall be filed by q Methodist preacher.
Boston Transcript.
The New York Mission and Tract
Society has complied statistics showing
that lower New York Is very poorly
supplied with Protestant churches.
Tho Catholic churches are plentiful
enough, but there Is only ono Protestant
church TO 5000 inhabitants. The State
of New Hampshire has one church TO
every 500 inhabitants. IN Y. Tribune
Therein is one of the faults Of the
public schools "a lack Of education Of
tho heart, Steering clear Of the Scylla
Of sectnrianism, they have not found a
middle course, hut become wrecked on
tho Charybdis OF heart ignorance. Chill
dren are not sufficiently trained TO
know the utility of the hearts noblest
sentiments. Respect for authority, for
parents, for elders may be quoted.
Veneration also suffers. Rdbbi Mendes,
| of NcU York.
In tho English Contemporary Re-
uieio, DIR. Plumptre, dean OF tho Es-
tablished Church, advocates the recog-
milton of encouragement Of women as
preachers. Curiously enough, the
weekly organ Of English Methodlsts
does not back up the dean, but con-
cludes: "Thcre IS ample room for the
| ministry of women even In these days
Of extended feminine rights and de-
veloped feminine powers, without their
mounting the pulpit"
Tho first-electcd professor In the
| Chicago Theological Seminary was
Rev. franklin w. Fisk. He alone Of
the original faculty remains. An ex'
tremely pleasant throng Of friends
| filed his home on recent Tuesday
evening, to celebrate the twenty-flfth
anniversary of his connection with the
Seminary. An incident Of the evening
was the presentation of valuable
watch, gift from the alumni, by the
hand Of Rev. w. L. Bray. Journal o.
| Education
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02
MEYER TALK BACK.

Never talk back such things Is reprchensible;
A feller only corks hissef that jaws man
that's hot;
In a quarrel, eff you'll only keep your mouth
shet and be sensible,
The man that does the talkin' IL git worsted
every shotl
Never talk back to a Teller that's abusin'
you
Jest let him carry on, and rip and cuss and
swear;
And when he finds his lyln' and his cussin's
jest amusin' you,
You've got him clean kafiummixed, and you
want TO hold him there!
Never talk back, and wake up the whole COM
munity,
And call man a liar howsomever that's
his FIX
You can lift and land him turder and with
gracefuller impunity
With one good jolt of silence than half q
dozen kicks!
y. ". Riley. IN Indianapolis JounGl
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02
He Got On Opinion.

While Officer Pierce, of the City Hall,
was rubbing his back against the wall
in the lower corridor yesterday,
strange young man kept moving
around and watching him so attentive
ly that the officer finally asked if he
wanted anything.
Eyes; I'd like to talk to YOU" was
the reply.
"All right-what is itP'
"Will you give me square up and
down honest answer to question:
':Why, of course will"
The young man shifted about un-
easily, turned shade and half paler,
and hesitated full minute before he
said
''If you were walking along the street
and boy called out for you 20 get of
that tunnel, what would say he meant
to insinuate?"
"Why, he meant to insinuate that
you were bow-legged."
"And am |? Look me over and give
me an honest opinion"
STRANGER" said the officer as he
stood off and squinted at him, ''you are
bow-legged man, and don't you for
get itr'
'In both legsP'
"Yes, and you've got it bad l think
it's the worse case ever saw
"Now, as face away from you and
step off, do | look as if was riding on
a tunnel?"
EXACTLY! If you had a seat on top of
big boiler the crook in your legs
would hardly be worse
''How is my gait as approach youp"
."Well, I should think you were
walking on each side of sawlog. | am
sorry to tell you these things, but you
asked me for an honest opinion"
Certainly did, and am glad you
have given it. | am twenty-f0ur years
old. For the last fourteen years Ihave
had suspicion that was bow legged,
but never had manhood enough to
settle the question. Every time I've
been in the city for year past the
boys yelled at me to get off that tunnel,
and finally decided to settle the mat.
ter. Pm much obleegcd."
20, no thanks, Hope you don't feel
bad over it.
Feel bad! Why, sir, it's a great
burden off my mindl For dozen years
I've been walking sideways and corner
ways to make myself believe that my
legs we're as straight as bean-poles. I've
wondered why / had to cover so much
land to jump six feet. I've seen the
gals winking at each other and didn't
know what was up. I've seen strangers
halt when was working alongside the
road and gaze at me till l dubbed EN-
off. I've wondered why always landed
sideways in puddle when 1 tried to
jump over il"
"And nowp''
"And now I'm perfectly satisfied.
I'm young man on tunnel, and PEG.
pie can like it or lump It'll The tunnels
going home-goodbyer'- Detroit Free
Press.
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02
pUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


Tho man who curses luck hasn't
the courage to kick himself for his own
bad management Troy Times.
"A popular poem In the West Is en-
titled ''The boywho kissed his mother. ,"
Its great rarity Is what makes it 80
popular--M X Graphic.
IL caught acold somewhere yester-
day,' she remarked. ''Probably It was
in your head" he said, and he woke
three times that night to laugh ever IL
and congratulate himself onh his success
IS q punster.
"A Texas man has invented ma
chine for washing dishes. II 1t doesn't
demand five nights n week out, nor sur
reptitiously borrow Its mistress best
bonnet for an afternoon promenade,
the probabilities are that IL will be In
demand. NorristoWn Herald.
"A little girl sat on the floor crying.
After awhile she stopped and seemed
buried In thought. Looking up sud
denly she said: Mamma, what was ]
crying aboutP' because / wouldn't
let you 20 down town." 10, yes"
and she set up another howl.
"A pretty girl dropped to the floor
in a faint the other day while she was
playing the piano in the parlor. Her
life might have been saved II ply
stefan had been called in time, but her
mother was washing dishes IN the
kitchen at the time, and did not hear
her fall.--PhiLadelphia Call.
Ills II posslblel'' exclaimed the new
chaplain 10 the worst thief In tho peui-
Tertiary. fare you fifty-two years old ?
My unfortunate friend, you don't look
thirtyi" No." replied tho thief,
hurnbly, "a don't show my age, but
that is because take things SO easy"
And the good chaplain told him that
was right; that care and worry made
men old faster than hard wOrk.-SGD
Francisco ErchGnge
"A good story is told Of the Roman
Catholic Bishop OF Atlanta, Ga. He
recently addressed large assembly oil
S lnday School children, and wound up
by asking in very paternal and CON
descending way, "And now, is there
a-a-n-y little boy or a-a-n-y little girl
who would like to ask me question:
After q pause he repeated the question,
''Is there a-a my little boy or a-a-n-y lit
tie girl who would like to ask me qnes
tionpn A little shrill voice called out
please, sir, why did the angels walk
up and down Jacobs ladder when they
had wings?" 10, ah, yes-I see. said
| The Bishop; ''and now, Is there a-a-n.
little boy or AMY little girl who woule
ike to answer,little MsFy'e question:
~0hscaao 4YIbwae,
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02

grown to gigantic orb of fire, so close
as almost to touch it. Long before he
approached so near the comets rider
beheld astonishing appendages about
the sun. Instead of q smooth, dazzling
white globe, he saw the sun ringed with
scarlet flames, while shooting out on
every side, hundreds of thousands, and
in some cases, perhaps, even millions
of miles, were huge fans and shafts of
wonderful light, like fiery spokes
radiating from the glowing hub of the
solar system.
And now, as the comet darts closer
in, he sees the whole surface of the
melting pot of the elements surging
and swirliug in the mighty rush of con-
tending solar forces. People have lost
their heads by gazing too long at the
Niagara Whirlpool. That would tear
ship to pieces. But there are mael-
stroms here in the sun that would
shatter and swallow world. Iron and
copper and zinc are here reduced to
vapor and spouted -heavenward thou
sands and even hundreds of thousands
of miles, and down they come again,
ceaseless and awful rain of molten
metal. Aye, masses of sun substance
are hurled from beneath the glowing
surface and GO hurting out into space,
scattering white-hot showers of frag.
ments, and cooling and condensing as
they go, never to come back again,
flung forth by the tormented sun to
wander until they fall perchance upon
the earth or upon some other planet, Oh
join the system revolving around dis
tant star. What a gigantic Calling
gun Of the universe, belching fire and
smoke and fearful missiles, must the
comet face nowl
At the perihelion swing the tremend.
Gus globe of the sun seems to fill the
whole expanse of the sky, boundlcss,
raging, tossing and spouting sea of un-
quenchable fire, universal contlagra.
ton wherein iron and all the metals
calcium and all the elements of the
solid rocks, flaming, lick the heavens
There are no words invented that car
describe the heat, the glare, and the
roar of it.
This terrific passage around the sur
is the elimination of the comets career
the fiery Cape Horn of its voyage
Flung off by the storm giant, it speed
away again, back through the realm o
the planets, and out into the blacl
depths from which it emerged.
Even though furnished with the wing
of Imagination, the rider must Loo
alive and leap quickly as his race
passes the earth, unless he would b
carried back again into the outer dark
ness. Garrett p SerUiSs, IN N. Y. Sun
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02
wouldn't Give HIM . Chance.

Old Simeon had been employed 70
work in Colonel Hateher's garden. The
Colonel noticed that the old man spent
the most of his time at the kitchen
window, talking TO the colored lady
who condescends to the mental Office OF
cook. While the Colonel was standing
at the front gate, Simeon came around
and was in the act of passing out, when
the Colonel observed the gentleman's
coat bullying and his arm raised in q
rather suspicious manner.
''Simeon. what's that you've got
under your armpn
s'Dis heah arm, sahp" '
eyes, that there arm"
"Dis 'unP" placing his right hand on
his left breast.
''Yes, you know which one near" "
''Yas, sab, vas Use got powerful
swellin' un er my arm, sab.
"There was nothing the matter when
you came this morning.
''Nor, sab, dat's fack, but de
swellin' wuz mighty suddent. don't
think dat my blood's right. sab"
'sNo, and don't think that your flesh
is altog ether-ahovc suspicion.
'Doan think it is, sab. Use had dis
swellin' seberal times, sab, in de last
week ur two"
81 don't doubt it in the least"
''Nor, sab, nor. Wuz er workin'
'roun' dar ies' now an de fust thing
knowed, dis arm gunter go up, an
pains gunter shoot down dis laig. 1t
| wuz de fust time dat SIGH thing hab
eber happened an it skeered me"
Thought you had been affected that
way several times in the last week or
twop"
20, vas, but it wuz un'er de udder
| arm befo'. KEEP on or swellin' ies' like
tells yer, till l got skeered, so Use
now goin' tor see doctor, fur doan
wanter let it run or"
II am physician. Let me examine
YOU"
"Hole on, boss" stapping back
"Yerse'f doan un' erstan' dis case. Yel
mout be good doctor wild de chills
but Use erfeerd ter trus' yer wild case
like dis. My regular family 'zishun i
de only man what I'm erstan' S dis case. >
"Who is your physicianp'
''Doctor Pillings."
"He's out of town. You'd better le
me make an examination.
"HuhP" shifting uneasily.
''Let me see what's the matter"
"Boss, my doctor tole me dat
mustn't let no udder man tech me
ease if l did, de swellin' is APP te
strike in an kill me. 'Twan't fur dat
I'd put myself un'er yer charge in c
mint. Use heerd dat yer's might
fine 'zishun, an eff yer had tuck di
case at fust, WY yer mout er been
good ham at it by dis time"
II have treated many case Xix
this" said the Colonel, "and l dom
think that l would be dischargiug m
sworn duty as physician II were t
allow you to leave my premises withou
having first attempted to relieve you.
"Boss, heah is de TACK In dc case
DIR. Pillings owes me money, an
hab promised ter take it out i
doctorin'. Now, eff he finds out da
Use 'ployed some udder man, he'll &c
mad, sides dat, l ain got dc none
ter pay yer wild"
] al won't charge you anything"
"Yer's a powerful 'bligin' genner
man, but doan' wanter take de want
age o. yer. Use allus made it or rul
not ter pose on kind man."
81 cannot allow you to go withou
exerting my SKILL" taking hold of oil
Simeon.
"Heah, take de picer MEATH liftin
his coat and exhibiting ham. eyer
de wust pusson cher seed. Won't ri
er man a chance nohow." -AfkanSa
lITdUeLer.
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02

The man in Macon, Ca, who
bought of a confectioner for twelve
dollars the right to eat all the candy he
wanted for month, has reluctantly
seen the close of the thirtieth day, Not
SO the eonfeetioner, for the eater f6u-
Sumed s2l.7b worth Of hls goods: -
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02

"a grateful friend'' sent the Boston
Herald five dollars ''in recognition of
what that paper has done for him.
The publishers sent the money to q
charitable institution,
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02
A Reasonable Excuse.

A gentleman in Richmond, Va, had
a servant named Joe. One morning he
lay in bed till nine o'clock, but no Joe
and no fire. The impossibilty of shaw
ing with water thirty degrees below
freezing point brought imprecations on
the tardy domestics head, when the
door opened and Aunt Polly leisurely
began to light the fire.
"Where In thunder (the historian is
nothing fine is not accurately sis that
son OF yoursp I've been waiting for
him two blessed hours
"Now. Marse Tray, you must 'euse
joe" said his mother in her most con-
ciliating tones-"you really must 'cuse
Joe dis mornin' -Joe's dead. HGr-
per'S Magazine.
"A negro soldier had his nose com.
pletely taken off by a bullet at Fort
Stockton, Tex, and the Same bal
striking German rendered ampqtatiou
VI bis limb necessary,
The St. Charles herald. [volume] (Hahnville, La.) 1873-1993, 1884-08-02

The Jppenese live almost wholly
on fish,
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02
Advice TO Mothers.

Are you disturbed at night and broken
of your rest by sick child suffering and
crying with pain of cutting teeth? If So
send at. once and get bottle of Mrs
WIEsLow's SOOTHING SYRUP for Child.
rem Teething. Its value Is lncalculable
will relieve nshend the poor Little 4 sufferer
there is no mistake about it. 1t cures
dysentery aud diarrhma, regulates the
stomach and bowels, cures wind collie,
softens the gums, reduces inflammation,
and gives tone and energy to the whole
system. Mrs. Wsnsloao's Soothing Syrup
for Children Teethsng is pleasant to the
taste, and is the prescription of one OF
the Oldest and best female nurses and
physicians in the United States, and is
for sale by all druggists throughout the
world. Price rs cents bottle.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02
Nine Physicians Outdone,

Mrs. Helen Pharviz, No. 33l Dayton
street, Chicago. ILL.,, is now in her sixty
eight year, and states that she has suf-
fered with Consumption for about ten
years, was treated by nine physicians,
all of them pronouncing her case hope.
less. She had given up oil hopes of ever
recovering. Seven bottles Of DR.. Kings
New Discovery for Consumption com.
pletely cnred her. Doubling ones, please
drop her postal and satisfy yourselves
Call at Purdy g. Brecht drug store and
get free trial bottle.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02
The Doctors Endorse ment.

DR.. w. D. Wright, Cincinnati, Ohio,
sends the subjoined professional en.
dorsement: II have prescribed DIR.
VIM, HALLS BALSAM FOR THE
LUNGS in great number of cases and
always with success. One case in partl.
cular was given up by several physicians
who had been called in for consultation
with myself. The patient had all the
symptoms of confirmed consumption
cold night sweats, hectic fever, harrass.
ing coughs, etc. he commenced imme-
diately to get better and was soon res
tored to his usual health. found DIR.
WIN. HALLS BALSAM FOR THE
LUNGS the most valuable expectorant
FIR breaking up distressing coughs and
colds.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02
Dr.. BA

s5 S. Clark ST., Opp. Court House, CHICAGO.
! Aregular graduate. eB-The Oldest Specialist
West of New York, whose LIFE LONG GxPEnl-
'ENcE, perfect method and pure mechcineSM ~ m
sures SPEEDY and PERMANENT CURES OF all frl-
vate, Chronic and Nervous Diseases. Afcetions
Of the Blood, Skin, Kidaeys, Blddder. Erup-
tions, Ulcers, Old Sores, S,ceiling Of the Glands
Sore Mouth, Throat. Bone Pains, permanently
cured and eradicated from the system for life.
NERVOUS RssIzy, sat 1sssss, s'9ssssyi sssasi r. s.
cay, Mental and Physical Weakness, Failing
Memory, Weak Eyes, Stunted Development, I'm
pediments to Marriage, etc, from ercesSes or
any cause speedily, safely and Patvateiy CuSd;
H-Y Young, Middie-Aged and OLD Men, and at
| ipho need Medical Skik and Experience, consult
DR.. Bate at once. His opinion cost nothing, and
may save future misery and shame. When m
convenient to visit the city fer treatment, med
ioinea can be sent everywhere by mail or ex-
press free from obserration. eS-lt is self
evident that a physician who gives his whole
attention to class of diseases attatns great
skill, and physicians throughout the country.
knowing this, frequently recommend difficult
cases to the Oldest Specialist. by whom every
knowM good remedy is used. kVDr. Bates Age
importance. EThose who call see no one b h1t !,
the Doctor. Consultations free and sdcrsdtv
confidential. Cases which have failed in OBJ
| tanning relief elsewhere, especially solicited.
Female diseases treated. Call or write. Hours
from to4, . to 8; Sundays. 10 to II. Address
as above. r
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02
Blaine. Libel suit.

indianapolis, Aug s0-Late last eve
ming the defense in the Blaine libel suit
filed q demurer to the complaint. alleging
that it does not set forth facts sufficient
to constitute q cause Of action. Messrs.
Miller and Ellam, attorneys for Blaine,
appeared in court this morning and de.
manded an immediate trial, but argu-
ment on demurrer was postponed by
agreement until Tuesday next. 1t is
said the answer of the Sentinel company
has been prepared and that the defense
will not wait to be ruled by the answe,
of the plaintiffs counsel.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02
@aily gress and @akataia1
Mrs. rit.eoober ON Fl,e,.

8 q eS~0SSsSOA b.
"Fltz," brightly remarked the amiable
Mrs. Ftzgoober, as her husband leaned
back IN his chair, and turned to the ath-
letlc department Of the paper. II wish
You would See the captain Of the Allan.
tas and tell him we've got big lot Of
flies that we'll close out to him cheap, as
the season is nearly out"
"Flles!" echoed the astonished man;
"hies! Now what under the sun DO you
suppose they want flies for?"
$40 strike. of course; don't the paper
tell Of the number of flies struck !? and If
they knock around that way every day
they are compelled to replenish their
stock"
"Oh, soul of Socrates, did ever hear
of the like" groaned Fitz. "What they
mean by a fly, my deluded wife, is
knocking the ball into the air.
A blank look overspread the lady's
face as she replied:
"Oh, yes, I understand now-the fly is
on the ball.'
Fitz eyed her pityingly.
mo, there's no fly on the ball."
why do they call it fly, then?"
air"
That's it, is it; I'm glad you told me-
turn loose and run after, don't they ?"
"No, they don't have any chickens"
"How do they manage to catch fouls
then2"
Fitzgoober almost tainted, but man
aged to gurgle forth:
"What pity some women haven't {
grain of sense"
II was just asking for information,
timidly answered the wife.
"Dody," spoke Fitz, 80 foul is wher
the man at the bat-"
"What bat?"
"Base ball bat, of couse. A foul il
when the ball is struck by the bat"
II thought the man struck the ball.
"rhey do," said the bewlldered man
"but he has a bat to strike with; ant
when the ball is struck and does not eros
or enter the diamond"
"Do they play with diamonds, too?"
"No. no; the diamond IS formed by til
bases"
"What are the bases?"
1.-THE points that the men must toucl
before they can score run"
"Oh, yes; the players get arrested
sometimes, don't they"
ARRESTED for what?"
o "For stealing the base. I saw in til
p paper where one man stole oil three Q
= = them"
8 "Oh, lerdy," groaned Fritz: 1.-THE
+ mean by that that the player slips u
: on the base."
"What makes them slip up on til
8 base; they amt alive are they?"
Fitzgoober did not reply; he merel
. cast scornful glance at his better hal
II also saw continued the lad.
where several of them took their tirs
base on balls. Now, do they have bas
Iserved to them in any style they war
to?"
Still Fitz was silent he was paralyze6
As he did not reply to her questio,
Mrs. Litzgoober sprang up and left th
room hurriedly, growing angrily;
) think things have come to pretty pas
when husband won't give his wife il
formation on subject that she ask
about."-Atlanta Constitution.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02
Buckico.s arnica Salyc,

Tho best salve in the world for Gust,
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fever
Sores, letter, Chapped Hands, Chill
blains. Corns, and all skin eruptions,
and positively cures Piles, or no pay
required. 1t is guaranteed to give
perfect satisfacfaction, or money refund
ed Price, 25 cents per box. For sale
BY Purdy & Brecht, Yankton, Dakota.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02
A FairlOner.

The Voitalc Belt Co., Of Marshall,
Mich, offer to send DR.. Dyes celebrated
Voltaic Belt and Electric Appliances,
on trial for thirty days, to men, old and
young, afflicted with nervous debility,
lost vitality, and kindred diseases.
See advertisement in this paper.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02

One of the many remedies before the
public for nervous debility and weakness
OF nerve generative system, there Is none
equal to Aliens Brain Food, which
promptly and permanently restores all
lost vigor; it never fails. ST pkg,
for Sat- druggists, or by mail from
j. b. Allen, 3l5 First Ave-, New York
CITY,
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02
aRouoh on Pain" Plasrer,

Porous and strengthening, improved
the best for backache, pains in chest and
side, rheumatism, neuralgia. 25c
Druggists or mail.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-09-02

Prevent sickness by taking occasion.
ally one of Emory's Cathartic Pills, q Won
derful appetizer, an absolute cure ol
biliousness-15 cents.