The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-05-24
A LONDON WAITER.

My mend, the calm EnkuS0nAn, 3uo myself were having dinner at celebrated eating house on the Strand, and the waiter was rather tardy, at least though, so. spoke so&Aewhat sharply to the man with the white tic, swaliow-tail coat. and napkin over his arm. He hurriedly took our orders and made haste to fill them.'
 Do you know" said my English friend, with that sauvity that a man as- sumes when he is abou, to pay you a deserved compliment. that that was about the most cc~ardly thing l ever saw you do"
 What wasp
 Well. talking angrily 10 a man ~ho is noi in a position to answer you
 ' He is at liberty 10 reply If he wants to-
 C For two or three reasons he is not :; begging your pardon for the seeming contradiction.
 ~oh, don't mention is. Go on with your fiaitery."
 '' In the hrs, place a situation in this establishment is extremely difficult to get There are walters here who have held their places fer generation"
 " By their slowness l can well believe it."
 !" In the second place that man has to pay a certain sum per week for the bless ed privilege of feeding such eantanker- ous cusses believe that is the Ameri- can phrase as you. h the third place his only hope of remuneration is in pleas ing his customers So there are three reasons why he dare no, answer you back eScep,-ta the mildest sor of a way"
 Now. Tibet you can make hun say something sharp before dinner Is over"
 I'm willing 10 acknowledge that your powers of being disagreeable arc practically unlimited. never bet. but as the waiter ~ill be the sufferer, I'll pay him two shililngs If he gives you a sharp answer while you will pay him tke two shillings fl he keeps his temper
 "Agreed. Here he comes"
 Well, waiter. you are here al last" l began. Thought you had taken a Saturday-to- Monday Brighton ticket
 Very sorry, sir. We're very busy to- day, SIT. Saturdays always busy day with us, sir" And he whipped the cover. on the dishes.
 |" In the name of all-wha well that beats me. What do you call that, waiter ,''
 :" Really, sir, understood you ,o say roast beef rare, sir.
 You understood. If you paid more attention don't stand gaping a, me. sir. Bring me an outside cut as l or dered'
 II beg your pardon, sir do indeed
 Don't stand gabbing there. Bang ne what order. and talk less
 Yes. sir" said the waiter as he flew to bring on the we'll done beef
 That's tough said the Englishman with sigh.
 tougher beef here than any where else m London"
 "oh, you know don't refer ,o the beef. l suppose New York waiter would have had his revolver ou, by tha, time"
 "0h, no 1: you wosld have had to 70 out ,o Laramie City q, leas, for the re- volver. But the New York waiter would doubtless have expressed his opinion oi you in language no, ,o br misunder stood but hush sof, he comes he comes
 |" I've been very fortunate. sir ,h,s IS pume cut, sir" and he raised the cover
 Whe.es the Yorkshire
 he what, sir
 The what, SIT. the Yorkshire. SIT Are you deaf sir, The Yorkshire pud- ding, SIT
 oh. beg pardon, ST. We never have ! orkshire oil saturday. ST.
 Wei whs, dld you tell me you had Yorfsh hi'e iot If yod didn', haze !, Are you tf3lng n txaSpcr4ie me. sir
 On. no. ST indeed. wouldn't think o' sGsh |. thlng, ST.
 Well, perhaps you'll deny ina, you told ne you had yorkshire. waiter y''
 '- Really, SIT. l don, remember. bat If you say SO. SIT I've no doeb, e..d, ST
 Well, then, bring ti.
 Bat yoa see, ST. we
 Don't talk back io me, sir sr.ag | without more fuss. didn', come hefc for dist nssion 1 came for dinner
 Bnt NC haven't II. sir.
 "Grea; heavens Why. you ms; nov admitted tha. you sad you d.d haze Il. Why, you're drunk. waiter. How dare you a,,emp, ,o serve me sir, in such state
 "l haven't had drop to-day. ST.
 Do you dare D contradict ne. sir. On, ho i;'s come to this. has IT. ia your studied insoience you 70 10 the lengih oi calling me lar tn you
 oh. no. sl! On. so. indeed sif.
 Either you Fe drunk or IT. haF now. whlch n Is II. SIT. Come which $ | =
 Wei, ST. did have drop of beer, sir and ! do feel qgeerish abou; the head. siF'
 Qaeerish Why, you don, know a, ;nis moment whether you're standing OF your head or heels. Your course to- wards me, ST, has been one of studied contenp;uons insult, sir. Do you expee, me 'o ,amely submit to this sor, of thing, ST
 l hope yoaH pardon me ST. [ really eIdn !, intend
 Didn; Iniend Jus: ask the pro- L