The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-08-29
WIT AND HUMoR.


purp-ously. - ouvenetr Herald.
A frisky sailor was knocked sense
less in New York recently by coming
in contact with some electric wires. 1t
was clear case of salt and battery.
..By-bye. love-" he murmured as he
started down to his office In the morn
ing, and she did, TO the extent Of a $50
bonnet. He says "Good morning"
low.
There is a great deal of billing and
cooling going on at tho seaside. The
principal part of the billing Is being
done by tho hotel keepers.-Teras Stft-
ings. TI T,,, IN 80.
A Somerville girl was recently SO
startled by being kissed suddenly that
she died. We hasten to say that Som
erville girls. as rule. need not fear
Boston Post. rer'7. r-, ~
Did it ever occur to you that, al
though q man may have been q vaga-
bond all his life and of extremely low
parentage, when he is strung up on
gallows he at once becomes highly con-
nectedP-Boston Post. lt V|Nt. .
Doctor (engaged six months after this
death of his first wife, soliloquizing
over letter. This Is better. She sd-
dresses me as "You dear, darling
duck" My first wife used to address
me as THAT nasty old quack."
A refreshment bar on acertain rail-
way is kept by . veteran baker. A
sprightly young traveller complained OF
one Of his pies the other day. The OLD
man became angry. young man..
he said severely. II made pies before
Won were born" EYES," responded
the traveller, II fancy this must be one
Of those pies"
An enterprising Vermont man has
his house and store connected by tele-
phone. The other day, during q storm,
the lightning entered the store by the
wire while the proprietor was talking
to his wife about when he would be
home to his dinner. AS he recovered
his consciousness the first words he
spoke were: "All right, Mariah. don't
hit me again; I'll do just rs you say
New York Graphic.
A young man who believes In self
Improvement having recently married
suggested to his wife that they should
argue some question frankly and fully
eyery morning, in order to learn more
of each other. The first question hap
pened to be whether woman could
be expected to get along without q
hat" and he took tho affirmative. and
when he was last seen he had climbed
up q hayloft and was pulling the ladder
after him.
When General B. F. Butler was o
Young man two girls, dwelling in the
same boarding house, were simultane-
ouslv in love with him. Both ladies
were sitting in the parlor one evening
and Ben was making violent love to
one of them, much to the chagrin OF
the other, who founced to the piano
and sang "Rock of Ages" at the top
of her voice, laying particular stress
on the line, "Simply to thy cross-eye
cling. life.
Mr.. Mulcahey recently took "a day
off, and went down the harbor on q
fishing excursion. The sea being de.
cidediy chopped it was not long before
he paid tribute to old Neptune several
times. He looked, as Mark Twain
said he felt, "as if he would disgorge
his immortal SOUL" and, between the
rounds, blurted out: "An' (hic), be-
CORA, an l can't oonderstand phwy
shud be SO sick, whin wuz brought uI
within o mile Nv the say. "-Bosto'
Globe.
Mr.. Isaac Came, rich shoemaker o.
Liverpool. who left his property to pub
lw charities, opened his first shop op
posite the building where he had beer
servant, and put up sign which
read: II Came-from over the way.
Somewhat like this was the sign of |
tavern-keeper named Danger, near
cambridge, who, having been driver
out of his house, built another oppo
site, and inscribed on 1t, danger from
over the way" The successor then re
torted by putting up new inscription
There is no danger here now"
A belle ut Long Branch went dow
to the beach to take a bath the othe
day, and after entering bathing
booth, kept her male escort waitin.
half an hour. ut was too provokin,
for anything" she explained when sh
reappeared. II dropped my new
bathing suit down n knot-hole an
have been all this time fishing 1t u
with piece of string and q hair-pin.
'Humph," said her escort, are yo
sure you rescued all OF itp"-Norris
toaOn Herald.
when Jennie Meets Me at tn
Gate" is the title and burden of ne,
song. If the night is clear, When tn
Stars are Twinkling, Love, keep you
weather eye out for the old man, sa
about the time Our Grandfather's cloc
strikes 10, for he may be Coming Thrt
the Rye from the village store wit
Towser; in which case you had bette
get Over the Garden wall, while sh
goes in and Pulls Down the Blinds
make her pa believe she said her littl
Now 1 Lay Me Down to Sleep at
o'clock. -Peck'S Sun.
They have story of bald-heade
chemist ut Nice. Into his shop came
lady with q pretty little boy. Presen
ly came another lady, who smiled
the pretty little boy. The chemi
came in front of his counter and leane