Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-07-30
PLEASANTRIES.

A MICHIGAN morse Q1eu, bA0 otuOA U"J
from seeing an elephant. He was over
come with disgust at the quality of the
whitewashing.- Burlingt Free Press.
A MICHIGAN editor got so mad that
he nearly chewed his tongue off because
an old scissors grinder would stop IN
front of his Office every day to rest
Burlington Free Press.
A French chemist distils brandy
from watermelon, and Swede manu-
features alcohol from reindeer moss. AS
Shakespeare says, there's good in every
thing Boston Transcript.
Nor what she meant-Governess-
Now, tell me, Ethel, what letter comes
after e? Ethel-Please, Miss Parker,
/ don't know. Governess- What have
I got by the side of my nose? Ethel
A lot of powder Judy.
Eyes, judge" said the prisoner" I adj
nit that the back of my trousers was
tangled in the dogs teeth, and that I
dragged the animal away, but if you
call that stealing dog, no man on earth
is safe from committing crime"
BFFALo gnats, which have proved ia
tai to mules, are now attacking the
ton Hawkeye thinks sit was a remark
able display of wisdom on the part of
the gnats to practice year or two on
the mules first"
SOME of Meissonier's models, it is said
are compelled to retain the same posi-
tions for six hours at time. Almost
as long as well-regulated family can
persuade a servant girl to retain her
position in these days of culinary COM
petition Burlington Free Press.
THE baggage-smasher comes up smil-
ing this season with the same serene
and happy expression as of yore. The
manner in which he lays down a big
Saratoga sarcophagus, as if it were an
invalid lady of surprising beauty is one
of those sights which make life enjoy
able.
"MY dear madame" said the doctor,
if your little fellow can't sleep, shall
prescribe a soporifc." Thanks, doc
tor" replied the fond mother, at do
hope he'll take it, but I'm afraid not.
I never could get that boy to take
kindlyt to soap in any form"
SAcRMoN1oUs PASSENGER Have
you attended any of the May or June
meetings, sir ?" Free-and- easy Passenger
with twinkle in his eye)-"Oh, yes; I
went to the Derby. I hope to got o Ascot"
(Tableau and CONSERVATION of the
Clerical Party. III London Fun.
FRAUDS have been discovered in the
bureau of medicine and surgery Of the
navy department. If the treasury" is
to be "bled" at all, it seems eminentiy
proper that the operation should be
done by the officers of the bureau of
medicine and surgery Norristown
Herald.
JOHN" said the proprietor of the
ice-cream saloon to his dusky mental,
"has the corn starch come YETI" eyes,
sab" "And the three gallons of skim
milk?" Eyes, sah." "Then you had
better make four gallons of lemon
cream. I think we are going to have
warm evening Washington Ratchet.
''THAT is beautiful young woman
across the way" said Jones to his wife.
"She is, indeed" the lady assented, "a
remarkable pretty woman" ST won
der if the gentlemen whom she just
met is her husband?" 81 think he
must be-" replied Mrs. Jones. ST no
tice he didn't lift his hat to her, IN.
7. Sun.
EDITRIx (of Ladies' JournaD "Now,
Mr.. Entenberger, your reports have
been rather thin of late!" Reporter: "I
assure you, madam, I have conscien-
tiously reported all I have seen and
heard" E.: swell, but excuse me, for
the salary and fees you get you will
have in future to see and hear a good
deal more than you have done"
AT q recent meeting of the Newport
Scientists Association, the member who
abruptly arose from the point of bent
pin brother member had fixed on his
chair, tried to make the meeting believe
he arose to point of order, and then
the wag member said ''That is queer
name for pin" > Kentucky State
Journal
A MIDNIGHT marauder put the con-
tents of hen house into bag, at Alto,
Mich, and was surprised next day on
dumping the fouls for sale at market
to see that they consisted of two three
legged hens, double-headed duck and
nearly headless goose. He had taken
the stock of a travelling museum Gin
cinnati Sun.
GLADSTONE, it is said, "sings to him
self as he walks in his garden" Glad
stone is a wise man. He doesn't pos
sest very mellifuous voice, and if he
had adopted the rash plan of singing
SO otherpeople as he walked in his gar
den, he would have had frightfully steep
surgeons bills to settle years ago.
Norristown Herald.
"YoU see, grandma, we perforate an
aperture in the apex, and correspond
ing aperture in the base; and by apply
ing an egg to the lips and forcibly in
haling the breath, the egg is entirely
discharged of its contents" "Bless my
SOUL" cried the old lady, "what improve
ments they do make. Now in my young
DAYS we just made hole in both ends
and sucked the egg"
A GOOD old lady, speaking in prayer
meeting, and giving expression to the
ioy and confidence she felt, said: 81
feel as if I was ready this moment to