Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-10-13

Between the North Pole and the most
ardent navigator there is still some cold
ness.
The man who makes wagers may be
very wicked, but the one who does not is
no better.
An ounce Of eep-your-mouth shut is
better than pound of explanation after
you have said it.
A Boston girl is considered accomplish
ed when she can sneeze without dropping
off her eyeglasses.
''Why does dog chase his tail?" asks
an idle paragrapher. Because it feas
from him, of course. @
An Englishman upon hearing the cack-
ling in poultry yard, exclaimed: "Oh
this is really henchanting!"
A colored woman in Boston is grad
ually turning white, but this is not re-
markable. White women often color up.
The present style of ladies' dresses is so
complicated that guide book is neces-
sary to teach the owner where to find the
pockets.
In Dictionary of Slang" just pub
lished we have looked in vain for the
word ''next." 1t is undoubtedly a bar
barism.
Somebody says that the most direct
way to some mems pockets is through
l1ns,, Frl. "A
discovered that some time ago.
A little boy saw his mother take off her
mammal Let me take your scalp out in
the yard SO that we can play Indians
Arabella-"Oh, Bridget, a mouse, a
mouse! Come and catch it, quick! 7"
Bridget-"Sure, mum, there's no hurry.
If this one gets away l can catch plenty
more for yer, num-"
Every young lady should learn to make
her own dresses. There may come a
time after marriage when she will need
to make doll babies dresses, and then
her former experience will come into
good service.
A headstone at Portland, Oregon, is
adorned with the following epitaph:
Beneath this stone our baby lies,
1t never cries nor hollers,
1t lived but one and twenty days,
And cost us forty dollars
Mamma-'It is very wrong in you,
Johnny, to quarrel in this way" Johnny
(who has just had fight with his broth
er Tom)-"Well, l got mad and had to do
something" Mamma-"But you should
not allow your temper to carry you away
in that manner. 1 will tell you good
rule: When you are angry always count
twenty before you strike" Tommy (the
victor in the recent unpleasantness)-
''Yes, and he'd better count forty before
he strikes fellow that can lick him.
Methodist minister tried to start a
church IN a western town, but from lack
of support had to abandon his project.
This was the peroration of his farewell
sermon: Sat the last day the Lord will
say to st. Peter, where is your fiock?'
and st. Peter will answer, Here, Lord ,
He will say to Calvin, And where are
your sheepn and Calvin will reply,
| Here, Lord;' and SO all of the shepherds
can answer. But when He asks me,
where are your sheep?' how will you
feel when am compelled to reply, Lord,
l haven't any; mine were all hogs
| "My dear boy said an earnest Sun
| day school teacher at the North End mis-
sion to frowsy urchin, ''do you know
| that we are all sinners?" eyes, marin. -
''Do you know that you are a sinner?''
eyes, Eiarm." A long and earnest talk
followed, in which the claims of the Cos
pei were fully set forth, but the teacher
was only rewarded by an unintelligible
stare. Finally, it occurred to the teach
er that perhaps she had taken the boy be-
yond his depth, and she inquired: 'sJohn,
you know what sinner Is, don't your
Sinners, marin? oh, yes; sinners is strings
| in turkeys legs"