The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-11-20
WIT AND HUMOR.


other steers his ship. Hence these
steers.
When a barn burns in Indiana there
is always some smart young men around
TO throw an old bone and half doz-
en- buttons among the ruins, and
''terribie mystery is sure to follow
Detroit Free Press.
Sound travels | Jap feet per second,
and vet when q man rushes out of
side street and wells after car has
just passed. the sound never seems to
Overtake the car and disturb the day
dream of the conductor.
.'What do YOU think of Fielding?"
asked Young lady of a recent college
graduate with whom she had been
talking about the early English novel
lists. 30" was the answer. -'it's inn
portant. of course, but it doesn't
amount to anything without good bat
ting"
A Boston young lady has been pro-
posed to by means of letter printed
on the typewriter. Such care to have
it legibie seems 10 have been entirely
unnecessary on the part of the young
man. Trust girl to read letter of
proposal at sight even if written in bad
handwriting.
Mrs. Grundy's latest tells of young
married lady in New York who, dur
ing recent fever. insisted upon being
taken to the hospital. although her
own residence is one of the handsom-
est in the city. 1t is explained that
.sshe wanted to get rid of her husbands 9
. poker parties.
One of the funniest typographical
do in raoant "
change reporter, in writing an ac-
count of ball, said that the belle of
the evening s'looked au fait. The
types put it that she '.looked all feet. ;"
Now neither the lady nor the reporter
is shappy.-Pr0ridenc Sunday Star.
All the "Colonels' in the hotel bust
ness were originally in the regular
army, and in the thickest of the fight
fought bravely for positions in the rear
of the advancing troops. Several were
badly wounded in the back, and one
y had the heel shot off his shoe. They
are all so courageous that they go to
bed in the dark.-HOtei Mail.
Now" said a gentleman to a negro
whom he had just employed, Il want
you to come early every morning. L
propose to pay you well, and l want
you to work. wants me ter work,
yer say?" ''Of course l do" dat
lets me out, den; 1 don't 'ject ter de
pay, an I'd jos as soon hire out, but L
doan wanter work. Good day, sab. "
ArkansaW Traveller.
..It's powerful hard matter for me
TO keep my religion" said a church
member to his minister. ''Every time
think I've got an everlasting holt on
it something turns up to make me cuss;
so am kept on trOt between the
world and the mourner's bench. This
morning l lost all the religion l had
while trying to shoot Tom Green. The
gun wouldn't 90 off and had to cuss. y"
-Arkansaoo 7raeeler.
A lady-a French lady-is showing a
eisitor the family portraits in the pic
.ure gallery THAT officer there in
aniform," she says, ''Was my great
y1cat-grandfather. He was as brave
as lion, but one of the most unfortu-
aate of men-he never fought a battle
N which he did not have an arm or leg
carried away" Then she adds proud
y: He took part in twenty-four en-
gagements.
An Irishman who was very near
sighted, about to fight duel. insisted
hat he should stand six PAGES nearer
his antagonist than he did to him. and
that they should both fire at the same
line. This beats Sheridan's telling a
iat man who was going to fight a thin
ane that the latter's slim figure ought
% be chalked on the Others portly per-
ION, and if the bullet hit him outside
.he chalk mark it was to 60 for moth
Manchester Courier.
Once in the dining-room of the prin-
cipal hotel in Amherst, Mass, tabl'
girl asked me: Has any other lad,
taken your order?" l Twas obliged t.
confess that had not had an opportu
nifty TO give my order to ''any Othe
lady" A little girl of my acquaintane'
whose instincts and training had mad
her unusually polite for a child, startled
the family by announcing: Mamma
the swill lady is at the back door. -
Haaper's Bazdr.
''Speakin' of productive SOIL" sait
the man from Dakota, s'the half ha
not been told. A few weeks ago m,
wife said, ''Why, John, b. lieve you V,
took to CROWN again I measured
myself, and hope Gabriefn miss M
at the final roundup if l hadn't grow
six inches in two weeks. | couldn'1
account for it for some time, till at las
] Itumbled to the fact that thar wa
holes in my boots, an the Internal sol
got in thar and done its. work. "-jSt
fdsi Herald.
1t is. related of Charley Backus tina
he attended church with his mother ii
New Bedford. and, while others drop
ped pennies into the contribution box, h.
put in so cents. His mother Leaned
over the high-back pew and whispered
'sCharley, why will you be so extrava
gantP A quarter was plenty to put il
that box" '.Never mind, mother,
said the minstrel, I'm going down t.
the Sandwich Islands next month, ant
I'll rake in the whole collection"
Queen Victoria rarely INDUCES in
joke, but once she gave good hit a
Sir Charles Dixie, who had little sym
pathy for the royal family. Some on
spoke disparagingly of Sir Charlie
Dilke's criticism of the civil list, where
upon the Queen remarked: sit il
strange, for remember having him a
boy on my knee and stroking hi
hair. l suppose" added Her Majesty
after moments pause, 81 must hav
stroked it the wrong way" "-Goot
Cheer.
''As the twig is bent, so is the tre
Inclined" This is metaphorica
proyerb. We never knew a tree ha,
any inclinations at all, unless it had al
inclination to leave. Any one can SCI
that there are great many twigs on
tree, and they are bent in great man,
different directions. Now, tree hasn'
got any time to pay attention to all O
them. If the proverb had stated tha
as the tree is bent so is the small bo
inclined, one might have been able t
see some sense in it.-Puck
When lived in Boston very beau
tiful girl from Bangor, Me-, visited me
One day we were discussing YER
wealthy man who was attentive to he
and whom almost all her friends wish
ed her to accept for husband. s.Yes
! will own," she said, she has aske
me to marry him | refused for