Daily Republican., 1884-11-05
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

AVA ~ - AM AGASASA m NAV Z.
On Sabbath evening very recently.
. minister from distance was ofElcia.
ting in well-known church in B.
A stranger who had gone In with the
crowd, and who sat right opposite the
preacher, appeared at least not TO be
captivatsd By the eloQuence OF the pull.
pit, for he frequently pulled out his
watch, ~ If measuring the time for b is
departure. just AZ he was In the act
OF examining his time-p ieco for the
fourth or 9Th time, the pastor, with
great esrnes,ness, was urging the truth
upon his listeners. Young man."
said he, how ia It with you 2" where
upon the young man With his gold re-.
peater hawIed out In bearing of nearly
the whole congregatis n: "A quarter
past eight" Az may be supposed, the
gravity Of the assembly was very m uch
disturbed for o time.
A Cruel Shock. Dressed for church,
she stood be fore the mirror admiring
herself. Tall and thin, her height
seemed greater than 1t actually was,
In consequence OF . bunch of ostrich
plumes that fioated in snowy masses
over her hat. Yes, know am hand.
some," she said but can't help
1t )" and turning 70 go out. caught sight
OF her little brother In the doorway.
What are you doing there, Bob g"
she asked, sharply. Looking At you,
Fanny" returned the artless child.
" What do you want to he staring At
me for ?" Cause you look just like
q long handled feather duster." And
sitting all alone in church that morn.
ing, she wondered how she would feel
II Bob got the measles and died.
"For Heaven 8 sake, save my wife r.
cried q husband to the sailors on the
deck Of q steamer, the object Of his al
feetions having fallen overheard.
Nerved by the thought of their own
|sweethearts, the sailors rescued the
poor woman, and laid her in the cabin
beside her half-swooning husband,
whose look Of gratitude fully repaid
them for their efforts. Then he rose,
thrust HIS hand into his wifs's wet
pocket, pulled out . well. filled purse,
looked Infinitely relieved, and said !:
"Tbere, old woman the next time
you tumble overheard, just leave tina,
purse behind you, will you? You al.
most scared me to death"
The custom Of appointing young law.
yers to defend pauper criminals receiv.
ed blow the other day. A we'll known
judge had appointed two young lawyers
TO defend an old, experienced horse
thief After Inspecting his counsel
some time in silence, the prisoner rose
in his place and addressed the bench
Air them to defend me?" Yes,
sir" said the lordship. Both of them?''
asked the prisoner. Both of hem, -
responded the judge. Then plead
guilty land the poor fellow took his
seat and sighed heavily.
jim Webster, q hard looking colored
man, was brought before q justice In
Austin for stealing some money from
the house Of Colonel Jones, one of the
most respectable citizens. Said the JUDI
very impressibly to Jim =" Didn't you
know that no good can coma from sto-
len money-that there is q curse on it?''
Boss" answered Jim. 81 didn't
know Colonel Jones stole dat money.
l allus ',pected him oil bein' An honest
man. White folks am getting to be
mighty unreliable nowadays"
A good old elder of q church, who
was given to extravagant exaggeration,
was at last called to an account for his
offenses in that respect, and admonished
not to give way to the besetting sin In
future. The good old man received
the admonition meekly, and earnestly
said +" know how prone Am TO this
fault, my brethren, and 1t has given me
fortunes Of pain and night after might
I have shed barrels Of tears over it. u
The meeting adjourned In silence.
"ls your sister At nome ?" inquired
Mr.. 6imkins Of Julis's brother last
night. Yaas, she be-" returned the
youth, savagely, Fan Bill Jones is in
there a. kissin' OF her, an he gave me
ten cents to stay out here an tell you
Sal had gone out, an 1 won't lie but
II You don't leave you might feel sorry,
cause I've just unclaimed Terror, an
he amt had nuthin' to eat since yes.
tiddy." Mr.. Sinking dream of love ID
DER.
A man enters BARRIERS shop to gel
shaved, when huge dog comes and
stations himself before him, eying him
with strange fixity. "What's the
matter with the creature?" asked thu
customer, somewhat disturbed. III
tell you," replies the barber. setting hii
razor :" sometimes happen to cut of
one of my customers ears. When l do
give 1t to the dog!'
just as q Philade' phia lover hat
dropped on his knees and began popping
the question, q pet poodle, who though
the proceeding rather strange. made
dash for him. With remarkable nerv'
for woman, the girl reached over
grabbed the dog by the neck, at thu
same time calmly uttering: $50 on
George, dear I'm listening to what 20,
are saying"
A Snnday.sehool teacher had grown
eloquent In picturing TO his little pu
/ pills the beauties of heaven, and b,
| finally asked: 90 What kind of littl,
boys 60 to beaven?" A lively littl,
| four year old boy, with kicking boots
fiourished his fist. "Well you may
answer" said his teacher. Dead
ones!" shouted the little fellow, at tht
extent Of the lungs.
Flipps, who had been lunching with
q friend upon frogs legs /: Every
thing you see is Of aome use In THU
world, even the frog" Friend, who Il
you. OF what use 10 the mosquito tt
us?" Flipps: "Ah! my dear fellow
you take wrong view of things. JUS
think how useful we are to the mosqui
to-"
"Come here, my little Eddy" said I
gentleman to . youngster OF seven year
of age, while sitting In room where
large company were assembled d
you know me?" Yes, sir. I think
do" "Who am J. then :? Let m
hear" You are tho man who kisse'
Angelina last night In the drawing
room"
A husband was choosing q wreath O
i'm m ortal laa m mt IN hia second wife