The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-06-19


manufacturers as great and growing
Holeogarchy.
What is laughterP asks scientist.
1t Is the sound that you hear when your
hat blows off.
We suspect that the reason why so
many young men are so fresh is be-
cause they cannot earn their own salt
"Where would we be without wo-
manp" asked writer. We would be
all right; but the little pug dog
where would it bep s-sDFz-
Things one would rather have left
unsaid: Dearest friend (admiring the
new portraiD D-"How sweet! How
charming! How pretty! Aud yet so
liker'
A Connecticut man had to entertain
his own mother and his wife's mother
for week at the same time, and he
says he is now ready to join any show
as a alion-tamer. 4 X W. lst n
Mistress to new cook: wednesdays
and Saturdays l shall go to market
with you." New cook: Very we'll,
mum; but whose a goin' to carry the
basket the other days. nlumP1 a7L-s
Louisville lady has sued for di-
vorce, asserting that her husband has
not done any work for fourteen years.
There are some women who want a
man to be on the jump all the time.
What will the coming woman
wear2" asked a fashion magazine. If
she's anything like the present woman,
and you take her word for it, she will
have absolutely nothing to wear"
NO, said Sylvia "Hattie would
not admit that she had young Mr.
Bonniface at her feet, though he is a
singularly handsome man and very
popular. You see hei chiropodist." F"
Stylish young ladies are wearing lit
tie gold kangaroos on their watch
chains. Oh! the artful things. The
moment man sees q kangaroo ho
can't help remembering that it is leap
year. IS EH aEs5stA as~
The man who can thoroughly enjoy
himself at fashionable reception after
discovering that the bow of his white
tie is under his left ear is superior to
tho pomps and vanities of this wicked
world.
An inquirer asked: How can tell
classical music?" That is easy enough.
When you hear anybody applaud and
look relieved after the piece is finished,
then you can know that it is strictly
classical. E -
When o young lady encourages fell
low for two or three years and then
suddenly turns around and tells him she
never can be moro than sister to him,
he can for the first time see freckles on
her nose. -.
1t doesn't at all elevate the spirits or
increase the general happiness of the
rural Ethiopian who beats carpets fora
living to learn that the people in his
neighborhood are about to discard
carpets and take to stained floors.
It's pretty difficult thing for high
school girl to think of something to say
when she goes to write a composition.
but as soon as she gets out of school
and while on the way home she can
say whole newspaper full without
thinking.
yes. John is little wild, and I'm
somewhat afraid of him; but he's got a
good run of trade, and we can't dis
charge him very we'll. Tell you what
let's do. Take him into the firm, and
/ guess he'll be glad to get out in less
than six months.
A cure for spring fever which works
excellently with a man is to have
young woman with her features con-
cealed by veil speak to him on the
street. He'll forget all about being
tired and follow her miles if necessary
10 catch q glimpse of her face.
at is now settled" says an ex-
change, ''that' n newly-married lady
hn l,.sI
simply a wife when she has sewed a
button on her husbands clothes" 1t
is this fact that makes us such happy
people. The country is full OF brides
An Irish bride regards it as an ILL
omen to rise before the sun on her
wedding day. Her husband may inter-
pose no objection to such supersti-
tion on that day, but after marriage he
regards it an ill-omen If she doesn't
rise before the sun and wrestle with
the fire and the breakfast.
'.H'if you wish to spoil good boy
send i'm to college," remarked Feath-
erstone, whose son had just returned
from course of instruction in
Germany. ''Ere's Charles; just back
from the continent you know: What
does'e amount toa E went to 'Eidel-
berg, hand that accounts for is laZi-
ness" r.,5.....r6 ...
Congressman -..What is that, sira'
Waiter-''That is small bottle of
whisky, sab, and q glass of watah,
sab. Congressman-'I did not order
it." Waiter-''No, sab; | thought
you, might want it." Congressman
(angrily) 'What want will order"
WATERFALL right, sab; beg your
pardon. Will remove it Mt once, sab.
Waiter throws out the water.
A white squall caught party of
tourists moving across lake in Scot
land, and threatened to capsizc the
boat. When it seemed that the crisis
was really come, the largest and
physically strongest of the party, in n
state of intense fear, said, Let us
pray" ''No, no, my man," shouted
the bluff old boatman; ''let that little
man pray; you take an oar"
81 hope" she said to the now boy in
school, 'That you do not indulge in the
wicked and filthy habit of smoking
cigars?' Nav" replied the new boy
in burst of proud disdain, 'tgimme
clay-pipe and some niggerhead tobacco
when you want me to enjoy comfort.
None o. your fancy smokes for me-"
And then shc knew that the new boy
used to clerk on a raft. ft.-Burdette.
Mr.. de Browne inlay we ask in
what direction you ladies are going?"
First Young Lady-''We are going to
look at somo poor peoples dwellings
near here Algernon (aghasD-..Just
fancy! Oh! / couldn't manage
'slumbering.' shouldn't be wide
enough awake. you know" Second
Young Lady-'Ah! 'Slum'- m'-bering is
more in your line, then"
Charles Goodnight is king among
cattle kings in Texas. and has fenced
in 700, 900 acres with 250 miles of wire
fence at the head of Red River, in the
Panhandle. His ranch contains nearly
twenty-five thousand acres more than
there are in the entire state of Rhode
Island. and ho bought the whole at
from so cents to 81 an acre.
A few days ago a lady entered a
Grand Rapids store and asked to be
shown some dress goods. She was
shown piece at 81 25a yard, but this