Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1878-1884, 1884-02-01
ABEWILDERED FATHER.


might have been seen holding converse together,
sadly shaking their heads and asking each other
what could be the matter with Mcclure, of the
Alert. He was acting strangely, and the general
verdict seemed to be that the poor fellow had
overworked himself and had warped his brain.
When he first came down town in the morning
he walked with head erect and brought his left
foot down at each step with military emphasis,
while his proud and puoAered lips in whistling
strains poured forth the stirring notes of that
popular air: I'm Daisy, and Don't You For
get It." The first place he struck was saloon,
into which he marched and told the barkeeper
he snake him first baby Of the box FIJI. the
cigars. The professor of chemistry wondered
at this but set up the box, and his wonder in
creased when Mac shouted out: "That's one
baby on youv' He meant "horse," but his
thoughts seemed to be wandering. After leav-
ing the saloon friend accosted him and asked
how low the thermometer was, and Mac answered,
'Ten pounds, and the fatteat little rooster you
ever saw" The man gazed after him in amaze
ment and Mac sailed into the postof6oe and told
the clerk he'd forgotten his key and asked him
to please hand out what babies there were in bis
box. The clerk thought it was one of Macs
dry jokes and shot off the regulation laugh, and
the looney newspaper man sought his office.
There he found Warnock figuring on bis weekly
bank statement, but Mac wasn't going to GLOW
such business to interfere with the telling of the
good news he bore. He lit cigar, cooked his
n ia.E
look said:
sWarnock, we had row at our house last
night"
s'That 80? Which licked?"
"Oh, wasn't referring to that kind of fam
lily matinee. My bife's got wabyv'
Warnock looked at him quizzically and asked :
SLOWS that?"
II mean my wafe's bot giby-no, dammit,
my bafe's wot a. Oh, Helena I can't talk!'
'sYour language does seem to be somewhat de-
moralized" said Warnock. Try it again ana
you may hit onto the theme you seem so anx-
ious to discuss"
'.What 1 meant to say was this, that at ten
o'clock last night my boy had a ten pound wife
>-or, rather, my-my- What did say?"
IF Icorrectly caught the drift of your re-
mark you alluded to wedding at your house
last night?"
"Wedding nothing! What's bedding got to
do with waby. Nothing, sir; absolutely moth
ing! What desire to say to you is that
BY Jove! you just out to see the fat rascal kick
up it's editorial heels and squeal! Say, War
mock, did you ever have baby?"
Warnock moved around to where he could
reach the telephone and summon assistance it
Mac got wild, for he firmly believed the poor
fellow had gone stark, staring mad. Mac be-
gan to write, and the truth came to Warnook in
an instant when the following notice was handed
to him, with the notice that it be inserted at the
top of column next pure reading matter in ordi-
nary news type and no other baby to be men
toned in the same issue:
BoRN.-Last night to Marshall Mcclure, pro-
prietor of the Alert, q son weighing ten pounds
Mr. Clure is to be congratulated on bis CRAFTY
ing achievement.
Even in print he claimed all of the credit but
to his honor be it said that in his great JOY ne
generously went out and shook Warnock for the
clpars-and stuck him.