Daily Los Angeles herald., 1884-01-30
Press Plsasantriss.

Dsr's a. much relief - dar is sorrow
b sigh.
How 10 make good thing last: Make
everything else first.
The miser lives poor to die rich, and
y The gosler Of his house and the turn.
key Of his wealth.
D. quickest pusson an de strut.ain't
always Dc bss' business man. De colt
y livslisr den dc hoss, but he KANT pull
nigh % much.
A lively Hibsrnian exclaimed ct .
party where Theodore Heck shone the
star ef the evening: "Oh, Master Theo.
dare, but you've the hook that nobody
90 bate"
The mate Of the ship 81 the critical
moment Of . storm, shouted out: LET
70 TIE topsail halyards l" II amt
a-touching 'em, sir, was the reply Of .
nswlv shipped sailor.
A countryman got angry because .
waiter handed him . napkin the other
day. He said be ''reckoned he knew
Whsa to use . handkerchief without
hsvin' no hints thrown out"
D. young man what would war .
tight shoe case he thinks il looks bet.
tss. h payin' 'tention ter his foot ter de
neglsck OBJ his head, an in airter life de
fooe will track de mos 'tention.
Lead talk IL often mistaken fur argu.
msnts an de man what browns de voices
oh udder mon is mighty often thought
TT had gained de fight. Dis kills fine
talk, fur de mawkin' bird flies away
whsn de mule brays.
Doan think, young man, dat yer ken
war dirty shirt an . bad looking hat
an b. ispectsd 'mong strangers like do
man what wan fine clothes. De pea.
fowl tracks moro tention den de turkey
hen, eben dough his meat amt SO good.
A lawyer, attempting to say word
for bis client after the jury had found
him guilty, the judge sternly stopped
him and said: "Your client, sir, is both
. knave and . fool" And he's been
tried by court and jury Of his peers, T"
added the lawyer.
'1f you will let me take your stick Of
candy Ill show you how can swallow
Il and make it como out Of my ear. ="
The candy was delivered; the young
magician deliberately ate it. Then for
aspacs Of two minutes he threw himself
into violent contortions. The candy
failing TO appear, be said to the ex-
pectant visitor, with IN air Of great dis
appointment: II believe I've forgotten
the rest Of it."
A member Of Congress from the far
West who was invited to . dinner ct
Washington Is now telling his constitu.
ents all about It. There wasn't any
thing ON the table wien got there. I"
hs says, "but some forks and spoons and
bricky. y.brac. Presently they brought in
some soup. As didn't see nothin' else,
/ thought I'd cat all the soup / could,
though soup is q mighty poor dinner to
invite feller to. So was helped four
times, and then came on the finest din.
nsr ever see, and there set," groans
he, "chockfull Of SOUP"
In the courthouse an Irishman stood
charged with stealing q watch from !
fellow citizen. He stoutly denied the
impeachment, and brought a counter.
socusation against his accuser for a..
sault and battery, committed with q
frying pan. The Judge was inclined te
take commonssnse view Of the case
and, regarding the prisoner, said
"Why did you allow the prosecutor
who is smaller man than yourself, Il
assault you without resistance. Had
you nothing In your hand 10 defend
yourself With" "Bedad, your honour,
answered Pat II had his watch; bu,
what was that against frying paa''