The Osceola times., 1884-08-30
TIE AMATEUR CHEMIST.

THE AMATEUR CHEMIST.
mn Nye Describes His Efforts ss Improv-
ing alReA-Hsaaed Man.
Iof,en think how many scientists and
experimental chemists and coroners are
swallowed up by Journalism, and how
thankful the public ought to be that
they are in field where they cannot
get at the lives of the people. We often
find fault with fate, but certainly it is
wisdom that takes man ont of the drug
store sometimes and puts him in the
sanctum.
W. L. visscher, who has done Journal
istic work on many papers and work,
too, that would have made his reputa-
ton worldwide If he hadn't been so in.
fernally anonymous, about it, was once
. drug clerk in Kentucky. Ifyou watch
closely you will see that the man who
is intended as . newspaper athlete, will
20 through the gamut of trades and
professions, but will surely get into jour
nalim first or last. And 1t isn't such a
calarity TO befall . young man either,
o. II used to be. OF course. mean, II
he is good, square newspaper man, not
the scallawag kind or the kindergarten
humorist, but a real, working, advancing
sure enough newspaper man, with love
for his work and desire TO improve.
Well, visscher used to invent things
when he was in the drug business. He
showed a good deal Of ingenuity in that
way. He invented kind OF rat poison
once that worked well. but the ingredi-
ents were too expensive to make the pat
ent Q valuable one. He killed nine rats
with his solution, but 1t cost him $50 to
do it. This, you see, was fatal, not only
to the rats, but to the poison itself.
Jesse Clawser was a resident Of the
village in which Visscher was acting al
Nemesis pro tenn. and general soda foun-
tain superintendent. Jesse was deat
shot when he got after the Kentucky squir
rel, and life ought to have been one long
happy squirrel hunt for him. But he
was not entirely happy. He had red
whiskers. He did not ca re for his an
cry hair, but his infamed beard annoy
ed him very much. He went to Visscher
regarding him as a sort ofalchemist who
could do most anything with his myster.
ious jars and peculiar smelling herbs
He asked visscher to color lis beard
for him, and offered, in consideration
therefor, to bring him mess of squir.
rels. The price was satisfactory, and
the young chemist proceeded to make
Mr.. Clawser's beard as black as raven,
wing with lunar caustic Every little
while he would make mistake and hit
the shin, and Mr.. Clawser would jump
out Of his chair with great uneasiness
Whenever the caustic struck yesse's epi.
dermis it would leave black spo. tha.
would wash off about as easily as birth
mark.
Well, Mr.. Clawser walked out of the
back room Of that drug store with a
beard as black as an Egyptian Tom cat
and hair as red as the sunset Of a sum-
mer day in my own Italian home so far
far away.
At first no one knew him. He had to
introduce b. mself Then people got bet
ter acquainted with him, and the people
of northern Kentucky, who were not too
busy, dropped their other duties and fol-
lowed him around wherever he went
This at last panied and annoyed him
He got through ten days, and then he
stole into the store after hours one night
and begged Visscher TO shave him. The
great amateur chemist offered to do &c
for another mess of squirrels.
He didn't do 1t very vel, but he made
out TO seggregate Mr.. Clawser from his
glorious beard. There it lay on the floor
like the end of cows tail soaked in log.
wood, dead, unnatural, horrible, ,sombeI
pile of stiff and diabolical hair. Mr.
Clawser heaved a sigh Of relief and went
to the mirror. He there saw q young
man with white eyes and cream-colored
eyebrows. The lashes were ecru and
the freckles were like large .ecks OF
bronze. The hair hung about the fore.
head like an incendiary fire beyond
control. To add to the general horror
of the holocaust, his face was spotted
all over with black daubs of lunar cau,
tic. Mr.. Clawser looked like the map OF
the burnt district. He locked like the
tattooed man at the circus. He remind
ed people of red-headed pen-wiper.
He went around through the forests
frightening little children into st. Vitus
dance for three days, and living on
huckle-berries and blue grass. He then
took another mess ofsquirrels TO Visschel
and asked him il there wasn't some way
known TO science BY which these marks
could be removed. Visscher filed the
squirrels and said he thought possibly
1t could be done. He then applied 6 Iii.
tie cyanide of potassium, and removed
the spots. He also removed the skin
here and there and turned Mr.. Clawser
loose upon the community once more
He fed to the mountain and lived the
life Of recluse until he heard accident.
iy that Visscher had left the drug trade
and gone into journalism. Then he came
back TO home and friends once more,
but he will not look at newspaper and
is regarded everywhere as the fee of the
press. He is afraid he will run up
against one of visscher's editorials some
where.
The Poverty Of Garfield and Lincoln.
Youths Companion.