davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
TESTING A HAIRS THICKNESS.
The Scientific Hair-Spiitting of Very
Delicate Instrument Used by the
Government.

A curious little machine in the office of
the Chief Of The Stamp Bureau of the Post
Office Department is the cause of the can
collation. of the contract of the New Eng
land firm with the government for furnish
Ing envelopes to the Post Office Department
1t is queer-looking continuance, cross
between a set of butchers scales and ordi
nary grocers' scales, or rather combina.
ton of the two. There is large dial, like
the face Of q clock, with q little hand that
flies around the face pointing to the figures
at the side, which are arranged like the fig.
ures on the clock face, with little dots be-
tween. you see those dots ?n said the
gentleman in charge, inquiringly. well,
the space between those indicates one six
teen-thousandth of an inch. Getting it
down pretty fine, isn't it? You see this
movable piece Of iron here which comes
down with smooth surface upon this other
solid surface? Well, the raising or lower.
ing of that moves the pointer which runs
round the dial To test the thickness of
sheet of paper we simply place it between
this movable piece and the solid surface be.
low, and when the movable piece of iron
comes down upon the paper the hand re-
gisters the true thickness of the paper.
Delicate instrument Well, should think
SO. Just give me a hair from your head
will your"
Then he took hair and slipped it deftly
between the movable pieces. The hand on
the dial followed the motions of the screw
until 1t stopped ct the figures 90 "Just
twenty sixteen-thousanths Of an inch in
diameter he said. "Now.let me try hal,
from your moustache They are generally
much larger, especially il you have not been
in habit of shaving He took up a pair
Of scissors and clipped off a hair from the
moustache and placed it in position. The
hand stopped at so. FIFTY sixteen-thou-
sanths of an inch thick" he said. "That
shows the effect Of shaving. measured a
hair from the hand of a gentleman few
minutes ago which was forty sixteen-thou-
sanths thick, but those in his moustacbe
were precisely the same thickness, the reason
being that he had never shaved. Yes. that
is the machine that proved that the firm
making our envelopes was not fulfilling its
contract" he said, as he fell back admiripp.
ly.-. Warrington Post
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15

THE LIME-KILN CLUB.

For quarter of an hour previous to the
opening of the meeting Brother Gardner
seemed to be puzzled over the contents of q
etter, and when the triangle sounded he
arose and said
- Heah am communicashn from de
Treasury Department in which dc queshun
am axed If our treasurer kin git away wild
our club funds, and II not why not. 1 am
also in receipt of seberal odder letters kind
ly holdn' out de warnin' dat dis am de aige
of onsartinty, an dat we should hev an eye
on de pusson who carries de key TO our
cash-box.
% Eber since dis club had its fust nickel
in de treasury we hey recognized two fun
damental facts. /. De man who doan' get
n chance to steal am obleeged to be honest
2. De man who am thoroughly honest won't
object to sartin restrickshuns. OAR nebber
has been an nebber will be time when
our treasurer kin lay his hands ON 'nun
money to pay his fare fifty miles by rail
While we respeck him we remove all temp
tashum. While we hev confidence in his
integrity we feel dot he am but human arter
all. Fur de satisfackshun of de members
of the club an de friendly public l will
make an explanashun.
" Our cashier am permitted TO handle 81
per week for current expenses. What he
expends goes frew dc hands OF the jantor.
Boat of desc offishuls mus submit sworn
vouches at de eand of each week. Dem
gouches mus agree or dar will BIO n rumpus
As to our large cash surplus, dat am de
posted in bank. To draw out any por
shun of it check mus be signed by Il,
President, Secretary and Treasurer, an 4,
pusson who goes to dc bank mus be accom-.
panied by two pleeccmen. DE rent of dis
hall am paid in de presence of de Finance
Committee, an all moneys received am
counted and sworn to by de Committee on
Safety. As said at the start, we believe
everybody to be honest, Lut at de Same time
we believe it am cheaper 10 watch our cash
dan to hire detectives 10 run arter on,
Treasurer. "-Detgot Free Pres.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
FOREST FIRES.

The prevention of forest fires is just now,
and doubtless for some time will be, OF
more pressing importance than any or all
measures for increasing the amount or i'm
proving the quality of our woodland.
What must we do to keep fires from start
ing, Or if they do start to prevent them from
spreading far? For one thing, we might
make it misdemeanor to set one even un-
Intentionally, and felony if done knowing
ly. Then we should make those setting
fires responsible for the damage done, and
railroads will in time be compelled to use
only those locomotives which consume their
sparks. 1t is also suggested that in many
cases the States might employ special
police and detective force with perhaps as
sessment of part Of the cost upon the owners
of timber land. Then to prevent spreading,
roads from sixty to eighty feet wide and not
more than mile or mile and half apart
could be made to divide the land into blocks.
These roads would have to be kept free from
anything that will spread the fame and by
using them as lines from which to back
fire, the mischief could often be confined to
single block. --SpringtqeM Republican.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
EDUCATIONAL ITEM.

Stranger, what mout be y our trade (?
asked an inquisitive Austin hotel clerk, whe
was new at the business, of dignifed
stranger in black, who arrived on the even
ing train.
am professor" was the quiet reply.
30, yes one of these slight-of. hand fell
lers who pulls rabbits and flowers out of
hat"
" No, sir; am not that kind of profes.
sor"
Corn doctor ?"
The stranger smiled, and gave the young
man to understand that he was one OF the
professors engaged at the University Of
Texas; in other words, pedagogue.
" A pedagogue? What's that ?"
A school teacher" responded the stran-
ger, rather sharply. 81 hope, sir, 1 lave
succeeded in bringing the subject within the
range of your comprehension.
Do you know what we call them in
North Carolina, whore was raised n
~ have no idea.n
Gad-swingers," was the reply. $50 you
are one of the gad-swingers at the Universe.
ty of Texas To tell the truth, / took you
for monte sharp from San Antonio. -
TEXAS SJtfngs.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
JUMBO AND OTHERS.

He knows nothing besides eating 700
pounds of hay, 2! bushels of oats, 20
pounds of Graham bread, bushel of car
rots or turnips, and drinking three barrels
of water each day." said the trainer. "He
does that as regular as clockwork, in two
installments, and begs the rest of the time
from every one who comes near him. He
never goes off his feet, not even when he
sleeps, and he never lost his temper while
we had him, except once, when something
had angered him. That was in winter quar-
tiers at Bridgeport, but soon got him quiet
by putting an additional iron clasp ON his
tusks."
But how can you handle such colos.
sus asked the reporter, CHANGING up at the
fourteen feet in height which represent tho
24,oO0 pounds of elephantine matter.
F" We drive four stakes in square, and
fasten ropes with pulleys to each leg. Then
we pull the legs apart until his Majesty's
belly touches the ground. In that position
wo throw him, and leave him fastened down
until he begins to beg Off After that he is
treated with kindness until another dose OF
pully becomes necessary. But, as | say,
Jumbo is very pleasant fellow and we'll
behaved"
presume the elephants soon learn to
know their keepers" suggested the repor.
ter.
+" That they do, but not every elephant is
kind. They grow wicked as they grow old
especially the bulls. We are more or less in
danger all the time, but we become attach.
ed to them as a man will to horse. They
all have special hobby or liking. For in
stance, Hebe, one of the members of the
herd, some years ago developed great Xix.
ing for camel Whenever the latter Law
down Hebe would stand over him, but her
trunk around his neck, blow ON him, ano
express her love in shrill trumpetings of de.
light. d#
Gypsy, another of the herd, took to
children, and when Frank Melville, the
bareback rider, travelled with us, Gypsy
showed remarkable fondness for his little
son. The animal recognized the child every
time 1t came into the tent, and was almost
frantic if the boy didn't come up and fondls
his trunk. Chicago Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
- . - ----'-7-'
THE ROOFS OF LONDON.
A Bird's-Eye View of the Great English
Metropolis.

A city-as something TO look Mt depends
very much ON its roofs. If a city have no
character in its roofs it stirs neither heart
nor thought. These red-tiled roofs of Ber-
nondsey, stretching away mile upon mile,
and brought up at the extremity with thin
nasts rising above the mist-these red-tiled
roofs are the roofs of city. They have
distinctiyeness, character they are some
thing to think about. Nowhere else is there
m entrance to city like this. The roads
by which you approach them give you dis
tinct aspects-m inarets, perhaps, in the East,
domes in Italy; but, coming nearer, the
highway somehow plunges into houses, con-
founding You with facades, and the real
plnce is hidden. Here from the RAILROAD
you see at once the vastness of London.
ltoof-tree behind roof-tree, ridge behind
ridge, is drawn along in succession, line be.
hind line, still they become rs close together
as tho test lines used for microscopes. I'm.
der this surface of roofs what n profundity
in the wagons of London streets convey the
idea of strength, so the endlessness of the
view conveys the idea of mass of life. Life
conyerges from every quarter. The iron
way has many ruts the rails are its ruts;
and by each of these ceaseless stream Of
inen and women pours over the tiled roofs
into London. They come from the popu
lous suburbs, from faraway towns and quiet
villages, from over the sea-from most dis
,ant lands over the sea.
Glance down as you pass into the excaya
tons, the streets. beneath the red surface
you catch glimpse of men and women
Fastening to and fro, of vehicles, of horses
with mighty loads, OF groups O.
the corners, and fragments, as it were, OF
crowds Busy life everywhere; no Stiffness
no quiet, no repose. Life crowded and
crushed together; life that has hardly room
TO live. If the train slackens look in at the
open windows they are always open foi
.ir, smoke laden Ms it is-and see womer
md children with scarce room to move, the
bed and tho dining table in the same apart
and play nil at the same time. One works
at night and sleeps by day; he lies yonder
as calmly as if in n quiet country cottage.
The children have no place to play in but
the living room OF the street 1t is not
squalor--it is crowded life. The people are
pushed together by the necessities of exis
tence. These people have no dislike to it
at oil it is right enough to them, aud 80
long as business is brisk they are happy.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
OLD TIMES IN TENNESSEE.
rho Speed Which Was Made Forty. Fomr
Years Ago.


From Jefferson cor. Gainesville Press
Great houses were built and filled to over
flowing in Greenville with great piles of
light bread and pies of every description,
and great bitches were dug in which to bar
becue hundreds of beeves and sheep, auc
tables mile long were filed with every
thing good to cat in the memorable CAM
paign of 1910, when Andrew johnson and
William Brownlow were the champions of
the Democratic and old Wing parties An
drew johnson was tailor and made the
suit that he was inaugurated Governor in.
Along the present line of the East Ten
nessee, Virginia and Georgia Railroad the
old stage coach was the only mode ofpublic
conveyance except the old fat bottom boat
that calmly waited for freshet to float il
down to the mouth of the Tennessee river.
Goods were hauled from Augusta, Ga, in
six-horse wagon, making the round trip in
six weeks. Salt was hauled from the salt
works" in Virginia, costing twenty five
cents bushel. Land plaster WAS taken ont
Of the plaster bank" in the vicinity of the
@lt works, in Jumps weighing many tons,
broken up and sold at the bank for $3.50
per ton. and sold when ground up at $40
per ton. and was tho only commercial fer
tilizer used Sown upon red clover in the
Spring at the rate of 200 bushels per acre, il
produced a rank growth upon the very
poorest land.
Almost everything upon the table was
homemade" The finest apple and peach
butter was made by boiling down sweet
cider and thickening it with apples or
peaches. When cool it could be sliced like
cheese. The finest molasses ever saw was
made from the sugar maple boiled little
thicker it made the famous maple sugar that
we used to carry in our pockets and give to
| our sweethearts. Buckwheat cakes and
molasses was common breakfast dish
twenty bushels of buckwheat to the acre
was grown on this land. Molasses was also
made from apples, persimmons and pump
kins. Cider was boiled down and kept
sweet all the Winter. Even small farmers
would kill twenty-five TO thirty hogs. The
rivers We're SO full Of fish that it took two
men to carry them, and they were caught
In fall traps during freshets. There were
no telegraphs nor telephones then, and let
tlr postage believe was twenty-five cents,
paid when the letter was taken from the
office. Goose quilts were used for pens,
md much of the ink was from pokeberries.
mover saw a . twister,n shuck collar. or
double lines 20 plow.horsa in Tennessee,
aad rarely ever saw two horse wagon.
Corn hussing apple cutting and sugar max.
ing gave ample opportunities for social en-.
joyments. There was no axle grease then
but the :" tar bucket hung from every
wagon coupling pole. Wheat was tramp
ed out" with horses IN the barn floor and
cleaned with n Windmill. Rye was threshed
out with fail. Taxes were collected by
the Sheriff, while ON his rounds on other
business. The college consumed one day
in examinations before all the trustees and
only one day in defamation; the rate OF
tuition was 81 per month, divided between
the President and Vice President.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
nrn,rimenx and Bnss nall.

Oh, Penelope" said q brown-eyed fairy
to her blue-eyed chum, /" I'm just the hap
piest girl in the world. I'm going 70 be
married." Oh, my, isn't that NIGEL OF
course, it's Charlie Crooney ~ No, in
deed! it's Will Heneboy. He's the dearest
fellow in the world" " Why, who Is he |?
I never heard of him. Never heard of
him ! Oh, Penelope, he's the pitcher Of the
Bungtown Batters, and he pitches seven
different curves -" Oh, you are the luckiest
girl in the world !" shrisked Penelope, and
then they Rugged each other and giggled in
! chorus. -Hatchet.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
POETRY.
The Nine Suitors.

The Nine SuitOrs.
British ship OF anchor lay
In the harbor OF New York;
The stevedores were packing her
With Yankee beef and pork
Nine Slim young men went up the plank,
And they were tall and good
But none OF them had ever loved,
They said they never would;
But whether they wouldn't,
Or whether they couldn't,
Or their mothers said they shouldn't,
The world will never know.
The passengers were all on board,
The vessel got up steam,
And fioated down the river, like
something OF dream
A pretty girl came up on deck
And near the railing stood.
She never loved fellow-man,
And said she never would;
But whether she couldn't,
Or whether she wouldn't,
Or her father said she shouldn't
The world will never know.
The ntne young men stood In row,
Each trying not to stare,
The lady looked embarrassed, and
They offered her chair.
The nine young swells were very rich,
And IL was understood
That each OF them could marry
Whatever girl he would;
But whether he couldn't,
Or whether he wouldn't,
Or the lady said he shouldn't,
The world will never know.
So things went on as usual,
The weather soon grew thick,
The nine young men were gallant,
The pretty girl was Sick
She certainly was charming,
When they brought her dainty food,
s. I'd eat 1t all now really
And truly II could;p
But whether she couldn't,
Or whether she wouldn't,
Or her stomach said she shouldn't,
The world VIII never know.
The nine young men came up on deck,
Each IN his Sunday elo'es,
And went abaft the wheel-house,
In order to propose;
The lady had no preference,
But said rat, II she could,
She'd marry every one OF them,
But II wasn't any good;
But whether she couldn't,
Or whether she wouldn't,
Ut tlaL custom Salu Sne shouldn't.
The world will never know
The lady asked the captain how
She ever should decide?
Said he, 1.-The love OF those young men
should certainly be trled.n
So. when they all were present, =
She fell into the sea,
And eight OF them jumped after her,
The ninth oh where was he?
Now whether he couldn't Dump
or whether he wouNn,t (swim),
Or the captain said he shouldn't (try,,
The world Will never know
Once fairly cut OF the water, she
Went up TO him, and said,
"Dear sir, you are solid ma
And have n level head;
so, without further parley,
Or hint OF a pretence.
agree to marry you, sir,
For you have common-sense."
SO her father said he couldn't,
And her mother said she wouldn't.
And the captain said he shouldn't
Refuse to give consent
-" CDe5' He SogjtaeI' .Sea.n
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
A rsxa. conu,r.

Tom Green county is big county. II
embraces an area of ~, $40 square miles. II
Is more than nine times as large as the State
of Rhode Island nearly six times as large
as Delaware nearly three times as large as
Connecticut; upwards of one and a half
times as large as Massachusetts or New Jer-
sey nearly fifty per cent. larger than New
Hampshire; nearly twenty-five per cent.
larger than Vermont, and is larger than
Maryland by ,455 square miles, o territory
itself larger than Rhode Island.
II is more than twenty per cent. as large
as England and Wales combined more
than thirty three and third per cent. as
large as Portugal; nearly forty per cent as
large as Ireland or Scotland moro than
sixty per cent. as large as Greece more
than eighty per cent. as large as Switzer.
land; nearly ninety per cent. as large az
Denmark, and about seventeen per cent.
larger than Belgium. Fort Worth Gazette.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-15
a Yankee Joke ut the Foo. Of the North Pole.

l understand that you are anxious to
visit the North again" Yes, sir. I'd go
again tomorrow If my health would permit
OF it, as intend to write to Melville with a
view of accompanying his expedition. AL
though had no particular object in doing
so went one-half mile further north than
any party in our expedition, and can boas.
Of the distinction of having been nearer the
North Pole than any person who ever at
tempted it," what did you find there ?"
81 found traces of vegetation, of foxes,
hare and other animals, and thirty miles
south of that point we saw musk oxen and
traces of them. can also say that / can
claim the distinction of having my name
carved in rock at that point, and just for
the fun of the thing carved an advertise
ment of plantation bitters have noticed
all over the United States on one of the
rocks. Sergeant Drainard to Cleveland
Interviewer.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1884-12-27
The National Surgical Insti-
tutc

Will open a Branch at No. 166 St
Charles street, New. Orleans, Dc.
cembcr LIST, 1884, where they will
be prepared to treat Surgical. cases,
Club Feet, Paralysis, end all de.
formities of the face, spine, limbs,
and diseases Of the joints, eye and
ear; also catarrh, piles, fistnla, fe-
male diseases, private diseases, etc.
The proprietors of the Institute
open this office in New Orleans in
accordance with the request Of
scores OF their patrons in Mississippi
pi, Louisiana and Texas who de.
sire to avail themselves CT the re-
dnced rates Of travel offered during
the "World's Exposition" thus Gu
abling them to visit us and the Ex-
position as we'll. For full particu-
lars address K. II. Boland, Secw-
tary, Atlanta, Ca, or l66 St.
Charles street, New Orleans, La.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1884-12-27
/ IA T

Ny store is the headquarters for ev-
cry article of raiment worn by the
rising generation in the way of
CLOTHING, HATS or FUR
NISH1NG GOODS, is an acknow-
lodged fact. 1t is also very we'll
known that any
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1884-12-27
DO 7

no matter whether his father fol-
lows the humble though honorable
occupation of carrying the bod or
draws a princely salary from the
Government, or the happy possessor
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1884-12-27

As raindrop foretell storm,
50 does g a pimple upon the human
body indicate misunderstanding Vi
rus in the blood, which can be neu.
tralised and expelled only by DR..
Harters Iron Tonic.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1884-12-27
W. a. ALEXANDRIA, LA, DECEMBER 1884, NO 81
How To Tell a Fool.

Nine times out of ten when you
find a fool running newspaper or
disappearing his constituents IN
a public position, he makes econo-
my his hobby. The objection was
recently urged by ono Of this class
that Montreaps ice palace wonld
cost enough to buy a thousand tons
of coal for the poor. A sensible
contemporary replies that it is 10
much the better. The more st
costs, the greater benefit will the
poor derive from it. Workingrnen
Will build the palace and tho #a-
ges they receive will feed and
clothe their families. ,Fhe rich
will pay the bills. The toilers
will get the benefit. The prosper
Gus will take part in the festivities.
Workingmen will got their share
of the money spent for lights, cloth
ing, carriages, flowers and suppers.
The rich mans extravaganza sup
ports the poor. The prosperous
man who never spends his money
for Injuries, but boards it, is the
real enemy of the poor. In dull
times so-called economy is a poor
remedy. 1t induces well-to-do PEG peo-
pie to curtail their expenses, and
the worst effect of this is felt BY tie !
poor. 1t is q public blessing to /
have carnivals, festivals, eaters
and other money distributing Gus
toms and amusements. A policy
of strict economy would throw half
the business men and workers ont
OF occupation. There is one eco
nomical maxim, however which is
always in order. 1t is to live With
in yonr income That is the duty
Of every man, rich or poor.--[At-
lanta Constitution.
A CURIOUS BET. -Itis reported
that a curious bet was made on tie
Presidential election in this city.
A young lady agreed to. give her
best fellow as many kisses as
Cleveland received electoral votes,
he was elected; the young
nan to have two a week until the
lumber was exhausted. He was
o give her a present costing a.
many dollars as Blaine received
Electoral votes, if he was elected;
he bet to be paid as soon as tie
esult was officially announced.
We presume the young lady will
ay her bet. It will take two
ears, one week and a half to pav
III Knoxville Chronicle.
-, ------
IL is said that the custom Of
laking New Year calls is on the
'ane. Last Year chest society il
lew York merely hing out baskets
m exchange remarks that to tray-
about the city all day in q suit
'red for the occasion, dropping
ards into a basket, is about as
lid and hilarious fun as to sit on
fence and see your best girl 60
Y with another fellow Exchange.
&st t,'-..-i-.-- . ,.--.--..---.-.Ft.tt.
-FoRE1GN capitalists are ac-
'rded the b. largest liberty in this
'untry. The statement is made
lat one:sixth Of the cattle herds Of
10 United States west of the Mis-
'nri are owed or controlled ky
n rY;shmon ;mwhn fsax3 sI1ia
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1884-12-27
4 !:

many shares of stock in Water or
G Gas Light Companies, will find
my establishment just at present a