The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-01-11
ODDS AND ENDS.
Ella Wheeler can love q man in
fourteen different ways-in print.

Ella Wheeler can love q man in
fourteen different ways-in print.
The high school girl does not call
it sthe beautiful snow" but "the
lovely transparent crystals of con-
geaied watery PARTICLES"
Simply because his cat brought
home two Or three fish which she
stole from the neighboring market,
Biggs boasts that he gets his mack
erel by the kit.
No one likes to have his father
called a lunatic, but just let the old
man die and leave his property to q
charitable institution. "Crazy as a
bedbug" is a mild way of putting it.
Advances are now being made to-.
wards patching up the difference
between two neighbors in the
Fourth ward. One of the families
OWNS a good snow shovel.
Mathew Arnold com plains of the
high prices at American hotels.
Does he have to pay for second
hand course, as Americans do for
his second hand lectures
An Irishman, speaking of friend
whom he suspected of living alto-
gether beyond his means, observed
that he believed he would owe sew
eraI thousand pounds If all his debts
were paid.
An Indiana man attempted to
commit suicide because his wife cut
off her bangs. 1t is hoped this in
cident will not deter women from
cutting off their bangs. A man
without life looks better than a
woman without bangs.
There is an old lady living in
Portland, who claims to have played
blind mans buff with Ralph Waldo
Emerson. That's just what the
great majority of his readers have
been doing to this very day.
An exchange comes to US with a
poem entitled "How to Kiss
marked in blue pencil. Either the
author is blamed proud of his pro.
duction, or else he thinks we
don't know how to do tin either
of which cases he is way off.
A large public meeting in Wyom-
ing Territory has requested the
President to appoint woman as
Governor. If this be done, will she
be governor or a governoress {?
And will, she be ''her excellency" or
"her sweetness ?"
"Why is 1T, Jones, that you al
ways have to begin with hum be-
fore saying anythirg?" Jones'
s'Hum-beg pardon, but habit, you
know. Let's see oh, yes-well, l
suppose it is the hum of prepara-
ton that we read about OCCASION
ally"
One reason why a Detroit wife
desired a divorce is because her
husband lies to her. Before mar
riage he said he owned a one-horse
wagon and had $3.50. After mar
liage he could only show up the wa
gOn, and one wheel was gone at that.
The art of industry of initiating
"old masters" and selling them for
originals is Droftably carried on in
Paris. The fraud can easily be de-
tected, however. The imitation
eyinces little higher order Of art
than the original, and is more pleas
ing to the eye.
After the alarmed bystanders had
almost frozen tt cir fingers In rescu-
ing an inebriate who had fallen
overheard from wharf in Balti-
more, he took up a collection, and
with the roc. that he got he sided
off to the nearest barroom. a mer-
chant who had been quiet specta-
tor, said: "This makes the fifth time
that fellow has fallen into the water
this MONTH. ] fancy it's his last
resort when he wants 70 make
money to get drink. as he always
| takes mn o oo11oofion afterwards !"