News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-24
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO LAUGH
OVER.
A Few Texas Siftings, and a Number of
Very Pleasant Evening CaIIs-A Peace
maker-A Slight Difference, ETC., Etc.
IN A NEW YORK BoUDoIR.

IN A NEW YORK BoUDoIR.
"No, indeed, nothing could induce me
to live in Philadelphia.
''Nor me, either. I think that little
town just horrid."
eyes, in Philadelphia they always
ask questions about your grandfather"
'"That is just what hate about it..
''No one asks such impudent questions
in New York"
''No, indeed; if they did some one
might ask who their grandfather was. >
EVe,a5lg CAL.
SOUNDS FROM HOME.
New Servant-'I like it here, mum.
1t seems Just like my old home"
Mistress -''Indeedl Did you ever live
in Il house as large as this p
New Servant-''Oh, no. I was not
speaking of the house, I was thinkin'
how nice that noise upstairs sounds. 1t
reminds me of home all the time"
Mistress -"Oh, you mean that ham,
mering. That is my daughter. She is
devoted to repousse work in brass. 1t is
very fashionable now and she has quite
a talent that way. But how can that re-
mind you OF your home? Where did you
live?"
New Servant -s'Next door to boiler
factory, mum. "
,,-rzerc 1,o1Dr cpADrATEs ON FREE MA
soNRY.
Col. Play Poker (who is in for dup1-
eating his pay accounts)-'Horrible 1t
will destroy all discipline in the army.
Sergeant Mason has been pardoned by
the President"
Major Lovelady (who is in for bigamy)
els it possible that the President has
committed such an outrage on us Off
GERS Why, it is calculated to lower
our social status as military gentlemen.
After this, I'll deny that I ever wore the
uniform of an officer of the United States
Army"
Private Snooks Con guard)-"Colonel,
you and the Major must work more and
talk less. ."-AuStin Sitti91gS.
ToorHACHE AS PEACEMAKER.
There was to have been suit for
assault and battery before one OF the
justices in the Temple. A farmer down
in Springswells was charged with having
slapped the jaws of his neighbor, and
two wagon-loads of witnesses were on
hand to swear to this and that. Both
plaintiff and defendant seemed to be
determined men, and their respective
wives sat and glared at each other like
two old cats. Some of the necessary
formalities were being worked up when,
all of a sudden, the wife of the COM
plainant was taken with the toothache.
It wasn't the kind which growls and
nlssss ,rs and fsslsss s.-ssss-Asa' h's-s -. -
fashioned, jumping ache, and IN two
minutes she was crying. Her tears at
once affected the wife of the defendant,
and after a little she slid over and
whispered:
"Poor thing-I'm sorry p
"Oh such an ache !" sobbed the
victim.
"I brought along some peppermint
and here it is" said the first as she pro-
duced the phial.
"What's all this ?" asked the plaintiff
as he came up.
"Why, your poor wife is suffering
terribly with the toothache, and L pity
her from the bottom of my heart"
"Who's got the toothaehe?" inquired
the defendant as he joined the group.
'My wife.
George but that's too bad Shan't
I go to the drug store for you?"
At this the plaintiff turned about, held
out his hand and replied:
"Say, George, was fool to bring
this suit. l called you liar and you
hit me, and that was right.
"But I'm sorry, JIM"
'HThen let's drop the whole business
and ride home together and have a
chicken dinner Molly, git your cloak
on"
And in spite of lawyers and spectators
and the queer expression of his Honor's
face the plaintiff paid all costs, slapped
the defendant on the back, and headed
the party outdoors with the ex-
clamation
$50 to grass with your law and
LAWYERS. and you women-folks stop here
till George and me have drink p
Detroit Free Press.