davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01

Down, Down DowN Aud yet the war
goes bravey on. II is q well-established fact
that BEACIlLEY'S stock Is the largest and hest
assorted in Hagcrstown and set To make IL
more complete he has just been East buyii
mary more new goods
JUST THINK or IT!-Simpson's hest prints.
and % ceuts per yard, fruit Of the loom, bleach
ed, cents per yard, nice ginghans only cents
per yard, b.cIched ard unhle .ched muslin, one
yard wide, al ~ worth cents, dark and light
prints, standard, and 81! cent, Appleton ''A'
muslin A. ~ cents, hhIrtiDg strips, worth
10 cents, Table linen, Napkin, &c, Tho largest
strck in the city, cotOnades At less Than thcy are
worth As for notions, hosiery, gloves, ribbons,
jewelry, &C., none v i'll sell cheaper.
Oar carpet department J. lult Of new goods
worth seeing II even you don't want any. Our
new worsted ~ d cashmere department is full of
staple aud nobby goods. and our cutter makes
good fits.
Last but not least our Grocery Store is loaded
down with the best goods at lowest prices.
Brown sugar AZ and "a cents. cent sugar
pounds for - cent, best 80 cents, some people
call IL granulated. All other 2 'ofs sold cheap.
II will surely pay yoI II you don't live over so
miles away To 90 10 BEACILEY'S and buy your
dry goods, noions, carpets, oil cloths. mating,
looking glssses lace curtains, groceries, spices,
queensware, glassware, lamps, c, Twarr, ieath-
ers, knives and forks, spoons, fish, salt. &c. All
kinds IF county produce taken at highest mar
ket prices.
Newly married people who intend going to
housekeeping will do well To examine our stock.
Accept many thanks for your past iavOrs
Yours, j. Ii. BEACHLEY.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01
Sixteen DueIs on Isis Hands.

A wealthy young merchant of Augusta,
Ga, has caused much excitement by pub
fishing challenge to the protectors Of
some yoang ladies who recently formed a
leap-year club. The young man has just
attained his majority, and desired to enter
society. lie applied to be elected Il mem
Der of the club, and was blackballed. Ia
his published letter he says that his fail
ure to be elected is due to the combined
efforts of the male friends of the eXecu-
tive committee of the club, and he holds
them personally responsible. In reply he
received sixteen challenges from us many
different young men, aud accepted them
all. lie proposes to shoot them down one
after the other in the order of the rcccp-
ton of their challenges, but doubt is ex-
pressed rs TO his ability to go through the
entire list.
The manufacture of perfumeries from
Florida-grown flowers bids fair TO become
an extensive industry in that State. One
1t is reported that II gentleman from South
Florida has patented process for the
utilization of the bloom of the mangroye
and the sapoGilla, and to extract the sweet
fragrance from the cassaya plant as well.
1t is estimated that the Methodist Epis-
copal churches of this country have paid
of 81, 200, 900 of their debts since the Cen
eral Conference of 1880 recommended that
an effort bc made to make us good show
ing as possible in the centennial year.
This is in addition to an expenditure of
about $3,5Oo,OOO in improving church
property.
Over one hundred children of the Zuni
Indians have died with the measles dun ing
the past month. The disease is still rag
ing. The scenes about the Indian villages
arc sickeuing in the extreme.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01

Ir is said that Hon. Henry q. Davis is
the largest single owner Of coal and tim
Der lands ia the United States. lie has
over 100, 900 acres.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01
PeoDIc Going w est.

And others in want of firearms should
oct our illustrated catalogue of rifles,
Shot guns. rcvolvers, &C., Sc: 1t is mailed
free. Please address j. ii. Johnston,
Great Western Gun Works, lG9 Smithfield
street, Pittsburgh, Pa.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01

1T would take a very powerful micro
scope to discover what work has been done
by Congress so far. "Words, idle words
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01

SENATOR kENNA, of West Virginia, says
his people recognize no obligation TO pay
any part of the West Virginia certificates
and never will pay them in his Judgment,
but that there is feeling among them
that their State should pay her just and
equal portion Of the old Virginia debt.
Senator kenna echoes the sentiments, we
believe, OF majority of our people.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01

lsN'r ii about time to be trOtting out
some of tie Presidential clark horses?"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01
4 Duclist's Desperate Son.

About ten days ago W. l.. Cash, son of
Col. T.. Il. Cash, who killed Col. Shan
non Il few years ago, came into Cheraw,
5. &. Becoming bosterOus he was re-
uuestcd by Town Marshal Richards to
keep quiet. \ difficulty ensucd, the mar
shall using hi, club freely on Cash'o head
and arms. At length the marshal was
oyerpowcrcd and terribly beaten and
kicked in the head and face by Cash. Sat
urtlay afternoon last Cash again came to
Cheraw, and, walkcd up to marshal Rich
ards. who WAS in front Of Il store. Pass
ing by him few PAGES, Cash suddenly
wheeled round and drew u revolver and
fired three shots in rapid succession ut the
marshal. The first shot passed through
the left lung Of Jas. Coward, an innocent
bystandcr. The second ball took effect
in Richards left lung, and, rs he fell,
Cash fired again, but the shot missed its
mark lie then ran to his horse, and, in
the excitement, was permitted to escape.
Richards anG Coward are believed to be
mortally wounded.
Is your system running down? Is there
feeling OF decrcpitude taking possession
of you: Are the functions of your diges-
tive and urinary organs impaired: Is
your blood bad? Do sores and pimples
trouble You? DO you suffer from aches
and paims! Arc you weak, and does the
least exertion give you fatigue? Beware.
Regain perfect health by using DIR. Guy
sott,s yellow Dock and Sarsanarilla
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01
A Long Funeral Route.

Perhaps, says an exchange, the world
has never before seen just such another
funeral procession rs HAT of Lieutenant
De Long, the Arctic explorer, which ira
versed over ii 900 miles by reindeer ana
horse sleds and by railroad AMI ocean
transit, as the following table indicates;
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01

THE last act in the tragedy OF the JEAN
nettc expedition to the Arctic regions took
place OF Saturday last, when the bodies
of Commander belong aud six of his
comrades We're inferred at WoOdlawn
cemetery, New York. Those of Surgeon
Amber and fireman Boyd were conveyed
10 their final resting place, the one in
Virginia, the other in Pennsylvania.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01
p. A. BRUGH,
40 W. Washington Street, Hlgerstown.
SOU,EUb FACTS.

Everybody is crying hard times, but IL you
would visit CLAPP'S Great Junior Hall Dry
Goods and Carpet House. HagcrstoWn, where
you will find everything you need At 20 cents on
the American mot tradel dollar, you would
really take the place for banking house, the
way the silver raitlcs over the counters. Beau
liiul lugrain Carpet, all wool filing, only 2jc -
yard, guaraute ed as represented or no sale. in
Notions Of every kind aud character at NV
York (Rid!ey) prices. In Jewelry you con- get
IL for the asking. Table Oil Cloths, hes; Potter
= DDS, 81 WIDE, 25c. 5 pairs Hose - cents. Go
Ia CLAPP'S.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01
CHURCH DIRECTORY.

EPISCOPAL. ClltRC
REV. l.. X. MASON, RECTOR
Shepher,lstOwn nj ii II. III. ana y. H.
LUTHERAN CHURCH.
REV. ID. VI. MnSER. PASTOR.
Shephcrdstown il Il. IN.
PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH
REV IIARLES GHISELIS, PASTOR.
Kcarneysville IL II. III. ShephcrdstoWh y. H.
VI. l.. CHURCH SOUTH.
REV W. q. EGGLEsroS, PASTOR.
I-nionyIlle II q. IN. bethesda 30 p. III.
REFORMED CHURCH.
REV. Is. +. BACSMANS, PASTOR,
Shcphcrdstown /! =. III. kegrncysNill" 20 T..
IN.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01
VI. T.. CIT RICH.

NJ T.. CIT RCH
REV. &. O. COOK, PASTOR.
Pastor absent.
Y. VI. &. \.
Young Mems Meeting in the VI. r.. Church
south every SUNDAY afternoon nj S::Dp. ~, and
M the Room every Thursday night.
]. q. g.. I.
Potomac Lodge No. 81, !. -. q. T., mcots every
Monday night at : o'clock.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-03-01

CONGRESSMAN JOHN 5. WISE, of Nir-
ginia, made an ass of himself last Satur-
,ay. \ bill WAS before the House, and
several members, among them Mr.. Gibson
of this State, made speeches against it,
taking the ground that it intcrfcrcd with
States rights. Mr.. Wise then arose and
spoke in opposition 10 the States rights
doctrine which had been presented, and
made the remark that ''Wcst Virginia was
nothing but the bastard offspring of ma
tional violence committed Oh old Nir-
yina." He also made some other choice
statements concerning other States.
The Democratic National Committee
met in Washington last Friday to select
zine and place for holding the national
convention. After several ballots wore
taken. Chicago WAS selected rs the place
and July Sth as the time for holding the
convention. Mr.. Alexander Campbell
represented West Virginia on the COM
mittcc. The following call was presented
by the executive committee, and agreed
upon Dy the natlOnal committee. - he
National Democratic Committee having
met in the city Of Washington on the 22d
day of February, 1854, has appointed
Tuesday, the Sth day of July next, at
noon, rs the time, and chosen the city OF
Chicago rs the place of holding the Ma
tional Democratic Convention. Each
State is entitled TO II representation there
equal to double the number of its Senators
and Representatives in the Congress of
the United States. The Democrats Of each
organized Territory and the District of
Columbia are invited to send two dele
gates, subject to the decision of the con-
veniion rs to their admission. All DEM
ocraiic conservative citizens OF the United
States, irrespective of past political asso-
Citations and differences, who can unite
with us in the effort for pure, economical
and constitutional government, are coz
dially invited to join in sending delegates
10 the convention"
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1884-11-15
Baltimore and Potomac r. r,

TAKING EFFECT JUNE %, 1884.
For Washington, Z, 9.15 A. NJ, 800, 500 and
900 P. NJ. daily, except Sunday, and 4.25, 1876
A. NJ, and 1926, sos and 7.15 P. NJ. daily.
For Pope's Creek line, A. NJ. and Ais P. NJ.
daily, except Sunday.
For Annapolis, 700 A. NJ, and 1925 P. NJ.
daily, except Sunday, and sos P. NJ. Sunday only.
For Richmond and the South at 425 A. NJ
daily, and 9.I5 A. NJ. and 320 P. NJ. daily, ex-
cept Sunday.
For the South, via Virginia Midland Railroad
at 425 A. NJ. daily, 3.2O and 900 P. M, except
Sunday; Ills P. NJ. Sunday only.
For C. d o. R. R. at 4.25A M. and 800 and Q. 90
P. NJ. daily, except Sunday.
For Norfolk, via Potomac Steamboat Company's
steamers, daily, except Sunday, at 800 P. NJ, via
Inland and Seaboard Coasting Co.'s steamers,
Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, at
800 P. NJ.
FROM UNION STATION.
For Washington, 4.35, 6.55, 7.O5, 7.45, 9.20, $780,
A. NJ, 1880 $3.50, SIS, 5.25, 7.25, $40 P. NJ;
on Sunday, 435, 6.55, 7.45, $50, A. NJ. 1890 5.15
and 7.25 P. NJ.
For Virginia Midland Road, 6.55 A. NJ daily !;
go P. NJ. except Sunday 7.25 P. NJ. on Sunday.
For c. & O. r. R., at 6.55 A. NJ. daily, except
Sunday, 300 P. NJ. Qimited), $3.50 P. NJ. and 9.lo
P. NJ. daily, except Sunday.
FROM PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE STATION
For Washington, 200, 40, TAO, 9.24 and 12.36
3.35, $40, $50, 7.29 and GA P. NJ. On
Sunday at 700, 7.49 A. NJ, 1886, $40, 7.25 P. NJ
For Annapolis, 40 A. M. and 1926 P. NJ
daily, except Sunday and $40 P. NJ daily.
LEAVE WASHINGTON FOR BALTIMORE.
At $50, SIS, $40, 1000 and 1850 A. NJ, 40,
400, 4.25, 4.4O, $50, 7.4O, 1000 and Ills P. NJ
On Sunday, $40, 1850 A. NJ, 90, $50, 7.40,
10. 90 and Ills P NJ
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1884-11-15
Railroad Time Tables.
Northern Central Railway.

TAKING EFFECT MAY IL, 1884.
Trains leave Baltimore city time, as follows:
7.30 A. M.-MaiI Train, daily, except Sunday,
for Williamsport, Lock Haven. Elmira, Watkins,
Rochester and Niagara Falls; also, connects for
Pttsburg and the West.
1880 A. M.-Chicago United, daily, for Pitts
burg, Cincinnati and through Sleeper to Chicago.
1850 A. M.-Fast Line, daily, for Indianapolis
and st. Louis, and except Saturdays, for Chicago,
Toledo and Cincinnati; also connects, except Sun
days, for Lock Haven, Elmira and Watkins.
4.30 P. Williamsburg Passenger, daily, except
Sunday.
$50 P. M.--Western Express, daily, for Pitts
burg, Cincinnati and st. Louis; except Saturdays
for Toledo. Also connects for Chicago, via Co.
lumbus and C. St. L. P. R. NJ, with through
Sleeper to Pittsburg, and Pittsburg to Chicago.
1I.20 P. M-Mail Express West, daily, with
through Sleeper to Chicago; also, connects, ex-
cept Saturdays for Erie, Buffalo and Niagara Falls.
On Saturdays runs to Remove only.
Partition Accommodation, 1870 A. NJ, $50,
$50, $50 and 1899 P NJ. daily, except Sunday
On Sunday only, 9.9OA. NJ, 1.3O, 1870 P. NJ.
Cockeysville Accommodation, 9 BOA. NJ, IL
2.3O, 500 and 1l.3O P. NJ. On Sunday, A. NJ,
1.30 and 1000 P. M.
For Hanover and Gettysburg, 7.30 A. NJ.
For Green Spring Branch, $50 A. NJ, 3 and $50
p NJ
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1884-11-15
Western Maryland Railroad.

On and after Monday, Oct u, 1854, Passenger
Trains viii leave Hillen Station daily, as follows
4.40 A. M.-Fast Mail for Shenandoah Valley,
Norfolk and Western, East Tennessee, Virginia
western points, also Glyndon, Westminster, New
Windsor, Union Bridge, Rocky Ridge, Mechan-
icstown, Blue Ridge, Blue Mountain, Hagerstown,
Chambersburg, Waynesboro' and points on B. &
C.V R. R.
1910 A. M.-Southern Express for Shenandoah
Valley, Norfolk and Western, East Tennessee,
Virginia and Georgia anC NeTpkis and Charles
ton Railroads and connections also Glyndon,
Westminster, New Windsor, Union Bridge, Me-
chanicstown, Blue Ridge, Blue Mountain and Ha-
gerstown.
DAILY, EXCEPT SUNDAY.
500 A. M.-Mail, for Hanover, Frederick, En-
mittsburg, Waynesboro', Chambersburg, Shippens-
burg, HagerstOwn, Williamsport and intermediate
stations.
9.55 A. M.-Aecommodation for Union Bridge
and intermediate stations; also Hanover, Gettys-
burg and points on H. j., H. & G. R. R., Through
cars.)
200 P. M.-Accommodation, for Reisterstown
(Glyndon) and intermediate stations.
400 P. M.-Express for Arlington, Mt. Hope,
Pikesville, Owings' Mills, st. Georges, Glyndon,
Finksburg, Westminster, New Windsor, Linwood,
Union Bridge and principal stations west, also
Hanover, Gettysburg and stations on III. j. II. and
G.. R. R. Through ears), Frederick Through carr,
Emmittsburg, Waynesboro', Pa, Chambersburg,
Pa, Shippensburg, Pa.
4.45 P. NJ. Accommodation for Glyndon and
N
$40 p. M.-Accommodation for Union Bridge
and intermediate stations.
SUNDAYS.
els A. M.-Accommodation for Union Bridge
and intermediate stations.
q P. M.-Accommodation for Union Bridge AID
intermediate stations.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1884-11-15
why the Girls offhe Far West Get
Tired Of GaIIanfs.
Chicago Herald.


A broad-shouldered, compactly built
young woman, with brown face and
hard hands, sat in the Lake Shore Depot
last evening waiting for the departure
of a train for the East. She had just
arrived in town from Dakota.
I'VE don't waste any time in foolish
ness out our way she said to young
man who seemed to be acquainted with
her. There is no love-making on my
half section. It's nothing but No. 2
wheat from May to August. That's
what we are out there for. Now, own
and manage a farm of $40 acres, and
this year took out crop of eighteen
bushels to the acre and sold it, got cash,
put it in the bank, discharged all my
men but one, who will look after things
this winter, and I'm off for little fun
down East. Marriage?' said she in
response to some remark by her COM
panion; that's what all the good-for-
nothing cranks of men that see from
blowing time to harvest can talk about
"What do / want to get married for?
There are more than three hundred of
us girl farmers in Dakota, and we will
hold convention some time. l never
saw man yet that would have around.
/ intend to farm it until get money
enough to live on comfortably, and then
I'll see, I'm in the habit of doing about
as l please. There was a nice young
fellow in my neighborhood last July
who tried to be very gallant, and want
ed to help me whenever 1 did any work.
If l chopped little wood he wanted to
do it. If went for pail of water he
wanted to carry it. If put bag of
grain on my shoulder he insisted on
giving me lift. He was pretty nice
boy, but he made me tired. One day
1 wanted the hayrick on the wagon,
and took hold of one end and clapped
it up on the wheel so quick that it made
him dizzy.
Let me- says he, but he only threw
the whole thing down in trying to get
the other end up. He didn't have the
strength.
Says I: ooh, go away. You don't
eat enough No. wheat Then / put
the rick up in good style.
I'VE meet lots of such fellows out
there. They are good enough l sup
pose, but when I want one / will send
for him.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1884-11-15
Baltimore and Ohio Railroad.
To take effect June 18th, 1884.
TrAur OANEnpNr crAUToNy


For Chicago, Cincinnati and St. Louis, daily,
at 200 A. NJ, 900 A. NJ. and 900 P. NJ, with
through coaches and palace sleeping cars to above
points without change; 900 A. NJ. daily to Chics
go, except Saturday.
For Pittsburg, Cleveland and Detroit at us A.
NJ. and 100 P. NJ, daily. $50 P. NJ. is solid
train to Pittsburg with sleeping cars attached.
For Toledo and Detroit, via Monroeville, 90
A. NJ, daily, with sleeper for Toledo, via Wheel
ing and Lake Erie R. r.
For Richmond and the South, 4.4O A. NJ, 9.Oe
A. NJ, daily, and $50 P. NJ, daily except Sunday.
For Washington on week days, $500, 4.4O, $50,
*7.I5, $3.50, 5000, 90 and 5000 A. NJ, 1915,
ESQ, 1900, $3.50, 500, 6.25, $780, 5000 and 1915
P. NJ. For Washington, on Sunday, 1900, 4.40,
*7.I5, $780, $500 and 5000 A. NJ, 1.30, 500,
6.25, 81 80 5000 and 10.15 P. NJ. Star indicates
express trains.
For Annapolis, us A. NJ, 1915 P. NJ. and 500
Pm. On Sunday $50 A. NJ. and 500 P. NJ.
For Ellicott City 7.4O A. NJ, 1.3O, APO, 5.45,
1875, Ills P. NJ. On Sunday, 9.I5 A. NJ, 5.45,
7.35, Ills P. NJ.
For Way Stations, via Main Stem, 7.4O A. NJ,
1.SO, 42O, 5.45, 1875, Ills P. M. On Sunday,
OILS A. NJ. and 5.45, 1856, Ills P. NJ.
For Frederick, 7.4O A NJ, 1.30, 4.20, 5.45 P.
M. On Sunday, els A. NJ, 5.45 P. NJ.
For stations on Shenandoah Valley R. R., 900
A. NJ. daily.
For Virginia Midland R. R., $50 A. NJ, daily.
except Sunday, and 900 P. NJ, daily.
For Way Stations between Baltimore and Wash
ington, 4.40, $50, 90 A. NJ, 1915, $50, 500,
6.25, 1915 P. NJ. On Sunday, 4.40, $50 A. NJ,
1.30, 500, 6.25, 1915 P. NJ.
For points on Metropolitan Road, Ills A. NJ.
daily, and $50 and 4.40 P. NJ. daily except
Sunday.
For Lexington and points on Valley Road, us
A. NJ, daily except Sunday, and 7.3O P. NJ. daily.
For Winchester and Hagerstown, via Main Line,
TAO A. NJ, 4.20 P. NJ, daily except Sunday.
For Hagerstown, via Washington, 900 A. M,
and 400 P. NJ. daily except Sunday.
For Curtis Bay and intermediate points, 800
and 1000 A. M. an 200 and $40 P. NJ. daily.
Trains arrive from the West, daily, at 7.3O, 90
A. NJ, 3.35, $50, 1910 A. NJ.
From Annapolis, SIS A. NJ. and LAS, $40 P.
NJ. On Sunday, $50 A. NJ. and $40 P. NJ.
| From Frederick and Way Stations, $50, 20
A. NJ, and so, 700 P. NJ. On Sunday, $50 A,
NJ. and 700 P. NJ.
From Winchester, 7.30 A. NJ. daily, 1O.45 A. NJ
and 800 P. NJ; Hagerstown, II.00 A. NJ. 800,
9.20, 1910 P. NJ, daily except Sunday.
From Lexington, 800 P. NJ. daily except Sunday
and 7.30 A. NJ. daily.
From Curtis Bay Branch 500, I1.55 A. NJ. 4.4O
and $40 P. M. daily.
| Trains leave Washington for Baltimore 500
$3.50, $40, $500, $50, 900, %I005 A. M. 1910
1920, 1886, $780, $50, $3.50, 44O, $3.50, $3.50
700, $500, %9.4O, 1O.4O P. M. Star indicates ex.
| press trains.
The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1884-11-15
He Was Not q Kicker.
Merchant Traveller,

Ben Ridgely, a Louisville, KY, news
paper man, who, for the first twenty
years of his life, had been accustomed
to feeding on champagne and diamond
back terrapin, has for the past twenty
years been having catch-as-catch can
wrestling match with the usual board
ing-house spread, and is still alive but
weak. One day, early in the spring, he
went to his landlady with complaint.
"Madam," he said, with demi-semi'
quaver in his voice, and piece of wet.
ness in each eye about as big buckshot,
''haven't l been pretty good boarder
for the two years have been with you?'
'Why, Mr.. Ridgely, of course you
have. Only yesterday lady asked me
how long you had been member of the
Young Mems Christian Association,
replied the lady in surprise.
'Yes, and when you gave us eggs with
feathers on, did I ever kick?'
sWha-what's that2' stammered the
woman, thrown off her balance by the
suddenness of the blow.
'And did l ever insist on your clip
ping their wings1'
Sir, DON'T
'And didn't keep on, even though
you let the butter wear its hair banged,
when you knew l hated bangs?'
'Mr. Ridgely, this is going too
'And did 1 complain, when l found
button in my pie, because there wasn't
any buttonhole in the fap?'
Sir, won't stand this any
'And did Ireport you to the Society
of Prevention of Cruelty when picked
that poor helpless cockroach out of bis
cuit?'
Shut up, you
Eyes, and when l found minnow in
the milk, did 1 ask you whether you
MIXED your cow with fishing pole or
a seine?'
sWha-wha-wha-'
Don't mention it, madam. When
the steak was little tough, was l one
of the boarders who sent buzz saw and
steam-engine up to the house?'
I-I-I-'
sAnd did 1 ever object to paying for
furniture repairs, because the bread was
so heavy that when 1 swallowed it it
knocked the bottom of the chair out?'
you mean, good for nothing
Don't get excited, madam. Did l
ever inquire whether you drew your tea
with windlass or chain pump7'
ooh, you villain, you wretch, you
Il hear you, madam, and l want to
ask if ever reflected on your molasses
can by asking if you had patent on
that fly trap2'
'Oh-oh-oh-you-oh-'
Il ask, madam, did 1 ever do any of
these things? And answer by saying,
FNever, no never Therefore l want
to know why in thunder, excuse my for
chile language, please, when they bring
me plate of soup with dish-rag in it,
they don't bring along pair of scissors
to cut the darned thing up SO a man
won't choke on it. That's all madam
When the lady was resuscitated, Ben
was compelled to go out into the cold,
cold world and get another boarding
house. Such is woman's inhumanity
to man.