Connecticut western news., 1884-03-26
WIT AND WISDOM.

ethY to DUCK hole M H.
 TIE more of stable some mcn pos. sess tho less stable they are.
 HAPPINESS, like youth and health, is rarely appreciated until it is lost.
 A FURNACE should be like a good singer-sble to reach tho upper register.
 BRAVE actions nre the substance of life, and good sayings the ornamont au.
 0LEoMARoARINE manufacturers com. plain that dairymen are initiating their brands.
 IT is difficult for n rich man 10 be humble, but impossible for n proud man to be wise.
 InbENHss is the dead sen which Swal- lows all yirtuos-seli.msd sepulcbre of living man.
 Who ever heard of woman who was heartless enough to step upon a mouse ? Chicago Sto,.
 MARRIAGE is the natural lot Of all things terrestrial Even corns have to be pared now and again.
 MARRIAGE is so often a mutter O money that it is not strange that divorce should SO often bo matter of nlimony.
 A WISE man ought 10 hope for tho best, be prepared for the worst, md bear with oquanimity whatever may happen.
 IF we never spoke of mans virtues before his face, nor of his faults behind his bnek, there would be an end to fat tcry md defamation.
 KEEPING boarding house win always be a losing business. For even if n boarder pays for what he eats, he is bound to sleep on tick.
 "wHERE would we bo without wo. men ?" asked writer, wo would proh- ably be out at our clubs oil night Huntington Fee Press
 A CONDUCTOR used to pass his mother free, but he was discharged from service, and his younger brother asks "Who will car fare mother now7"
 "wHkr is your name, sirG" asked one man of another day or SO ago "My name is Legion" "Ah And what is your other namep" Smith"
 IT turns out that the Western railway paymaster who was robbed of s27, 900 while at lunch was once m editor. No wonder he was 80 careless with money.
 GEoRoE-"You ask fl n young couple can live on $50 a week. Good gracious ! what arc you thinking ofH Go into . millinery store and price tho bonuets.
 A oouSrHRFErr coin can be told by ringing it IL is much tho snmo way with woman, only fin hor case the ring has to be a wedding ring. Philadelphia Cau.
 A BIT of plantation philosophy Yer kain' judge a man by do spread what he makes. De size O de watermilyun aint governed by de length O do yine.--Ar- kdnsaD Trdvsier.
 IT is said that every human being is accompanied through life by good and bad angel, who strive for mastery over him. How lazy some persons good angels seem to be.
 "wERE you ever caught ina sudden squall ?" asked an old yachtsman of a worthy citizen. "well, guoSs 30 !" re- sponded the good man. ''I have helped to bring up eight babies v Ir MAKES an editor mAd to havo word come up through the tube from the counting-room that lady is waiting to see him, and after tramping down six flights of stairs finds her to bo only his wife after a ten-dollar bill. IMrEouNous debtor -- "Ive been haunted by ghosts all day.-A As Robin son enters with his little bill.-sAnd here comes another spectre" Robin son-"There's where you're mistaken, my boy, I'm an expecter. ."-BNe. ALApY stopping al hotel in Atlanta, Ga., was bitten by mt She has sued the proprietor of the house for Sl0,000 damages. Tho defense will be tlPt the lady should feel flattered by the rats as- suming her to be quite the cheese. -
 Boston Post.
 A PHYmoIAN who found ncighbor on the road too drunk to walk, and invited him to crawl into tho sleigh, was aston ished by tho query "say, Doctor, my
 family physician is Dr. ---i do you
 think your carrying mo home will make any diiferenoe?"
 THE frigate Tennessee. the largest vessel we have, cost originally, in 1887. s1, ,s56, ,075.s The repairs have cost , m additional sl, TAO, 7O0.2 making q ' total of s9, 598, CSC. co, and tho vessel has , recently been condemned as worthless ? It is n good deal the same way with r children's shoes.
 ARrEMus WARD was something more . than a sparkling humorst; ho wos a man ! of character md principle. He was always on the side of goodness and g justice. "I never stain my pages, he B wrote, with even mild profanity la l the first place. it is wickcdi and in the , second, it is not funny A prsrurArIous Hibernian who had Q been oontending that mule was B nobler animal than horse, said that q . mule hnd once saved him from drown. n ing. "How was that, Paddy7" asked 1. one of the bystandors. "Faith, he gave 0 me such lick with his hind leg that hs c landed me on the other side O the oan'
 awl instead O in it.