The Florida agriculturist., 1884-11-26
VARIETIES.

"
hand before sitting on it.
At recent Sunday-school meeting in
Chicago long winded clergyman con-
sumed too much of the time with wordy
address. When he sat down, the leader
OF the meeting unwittingly announced
the hymn beginning, tHallelujah? it's
done ?''
I'm fun Mistah Brown, mum-gen'-
leman whut lives cross the way. He
says won't yer please shut dem winders
Wen de young lady 's-a-playin' ?" "But
thought Mr.. Brown was musical him
self?'' "Thass whut's de mattah,
num-"
'Dan,'' said a South Side wife to her
husband, chow is it that at election time
there is so much poultry eaten?v II
don't understand you, my dear" replied
the husband. "Why the papers are
speaking of so many candidates having
a goose cooked.-Od Citv Derrick.
Two Hiberians were passing a stable
which had on it a rooster for weather
vane, when one addressed the other
thus: "Pat, what's the r'ason they
didn't put hin up there instead of
rooster?" can sure, that's aisy; don't
you see it would be inconvenient to 90
for the eggsp'
A New York man went into crowded
car and asked if he could have the seat
which was then occupied by a hat, whose
owner was sitting in the next seat. The
man, angrily grasping his hat, answered:
''Ye es, take it, if you are hog" "I'm
so onear one, that guess I'll take it, said
the other.
There is an old family custom in
Switzerland, hallowed by centuries,
which allays irritation in the heart forth
with, maintaining peace there-a custom
blessed by God, and more likely than
any other to keep family together.
The last to 90 to bed, whether husband
or wife, recites aloud the Lord S Prayer.
"Did not some high words pass be-
tween them before the first blow was
struck?" asked a lawyer in an Austin
court, of a colored witness. "High
words No, indeed, sab. Dey used de
lowest kind OF talk. could understand
ebery word dat pass between 'em puff
fectly. Dey talked right plain to one
anudder. ''-Terds SHtiags.
.'When | grow up shall marry a rich
man, or l won't marry anybody" a
little girl was heard to say. ''But if
YOU don't marry anybody replied her
father, smiling, "you will be sure to live
with poor man all yourlife." Instantly
the little maiden answered: "Oh, but,
papa, / love you, and so you don't seem
poor.' W1 n
A fond Cincinnati father tells of his
four-year-old boy who was presented
with a trumpet, with which he was
greatly infatuated. All day the boy toot-
ed away delightfully."-, and at bedtime
when his grandmother told him to put
the trumpet down and say his prayers
the little fellow said: "Oh, no, I'll tell
YOU what let's do, gran ma, you pray and
I'll keep ON blowing"
Mrs. Blinker asked Matilda, the house
servant, a few nights ago: ""What
dreadful scratching is that out in the
kitchen? 1t must be the dog trying to
get in, / never heard anything like it in
nv life" ''Dat's no dog scratching the
doah. OATS de cook writin' lub letter
to her honeysuckle, who works ober in
Chatham "-Kinderh0ok Rough Notes
A wee toddler who made free of our
house, and on whom my father had
sought to impress that "children should
be seen and not heard" along with a
lot of other maxims, one morning burst
noisilv in upon us while at breakfast,
giving the door cyclonish bang as he
exploded: 81 dom want to be seen; /
want to be heard!" And he was. .-Hdr-
per's Bdzdr.
81 played good joke on my wife last
night" said Tweezers, who isn't kept
out of Jail on account of his brightness.
''What was it?" 81 had our colored
coachman stand in the dark hall and
kiss her, so she'd think it was me. !"
"What did she do?'' "Nothing. She
only came into the parlor where j was
sitting, and said: "Why, Tweezers,
didn't know you had got home. CHI
cago Netcs.
She had Just returned from Vassar,
and papa was stroking her hair fondly
81 hope, my DEAR said the old man,
''that YOU haven't acquired any of the
vulgar slang phrases which many of the
Vassar' young ladies are said to use. J"
"You bet haven't, papa" she replied
brightly. "When anybody catches me
talking slang he is especially invited to
slug me in the seventh rib" "That is
right, my daughter, never indulge in
slang. 1t gives young lady dead
away" M
''Sorry to hear you are unwell, Mrs.
Crimsonbeak, - said the doctor as he en-
tered the room where Mr.. and Mrs.
Crimsonbeak awaited his coming. "Oh,
yes, doctor, I'm very sick woman,"
replied the woman with long face.
''And what have you been doing to make
YOU so?'' Nothing at all. You see yes
terday afternoon the sewing circle met
here" That's enough; now let me
see your tongue. AS | supposed" con-
tinued the physician after the invalid
had done as she was told "Why, what's
the matter. doctor?' said Mr.. Crimson