The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1884-04-05

From Pecks Sun.
Say, come in here now and give me
some information" said the groceryman
to the bad boy, as he stood on the steps
behind barrel of axhelves, waiting for
a boy to throw a wet snow ball at him,
whom he intended to push the barrel
over on thu boy, ''you ought to know
everything, because your pa takes the
papers and your ma belongs to the sew
ing society. don't read any papers and
depend entirely on what customers tell
me when they come in to trade. What
is this | hear about Bismarck and the
Lasker resolutions, and congress. and
all that" and the groceryman lit clay
pipe and sat down on basket of turnips
Bismarck and Lasker" said the boy,
as he rolled an orange on barrel head
to make it soft, don't you know any
thing about that? Well, you ought to
keep posted. There are lots of times
when hired girls come in here to trade
that you could make yourself solid with
them by informing them on the topics of
the day. You SEQ, Bismarck was one of
the star route robbers. 1t was their
habit to wear big tin stars, and go out
on the plains to rob the mail carriers.
Lasker was good man who used to
carry the mails between Laramie and
Helena, Montana. Lasker knew the
robbers were going to rob the mail one
day, SO he filled mail sack with dyna-
mite, and whom Bismarck ordered him
to hold up his hands, he just threw the
mail sack to Bismarck, and the dyna-
mite exploded, and blew him and his
band all over the territory. Lasker re-
turned to Laramie and reported what he
had done and congress voted him gold
metal for expediting the mails"
"You don't say So" said the grocery
man, 81 ought to read more. l got an
idea from just glancing at the headlines
in the papers, that Bismarck started a
town somewhere out in Dakota and
Lasker tried to jump his claim. l am
much obliged to you for the information,
and if anybody comes in here and fires
Bismarck and Lasksr conundrums at me
after this won't have to pretend to be
deaf and change the subject. What is
this tariff business hear customers talk
ing about every little while: Is this
tariff running fer any sffice?'
mo, tariff has not been nominated
for anything yet, but expects to be, >
and the boy looked out of the corner of
his eye at the grocer to see if he was as
big a fool as he pretended. Tariff is a
Republican when he is in Republican
localities, and Democrat when he is in
a Democratic locality, and where tt Q
thing is about even he straddles the
fence and hangs one leg on each side.
Tariff wants to be President, but don t.
know which party to take the nomina
ton f1om. Pa is for tariff, in some sa-
looms where lie is working up his chances
for alderman, and in some saloons he is
oppesed to tariff. 1t is queer. how it
works, but boy mustn't ask too many
questions Of he gets fired out DOORS
II am glad that l know about this
tariff said the grocer, scratching a
match to relight his pipe. That thing
has bothered me lnure than any one
thing. Somehow l got an idea it was a
sort of barnacle that attaches itself to
goods that are shipped from foreign
countries, from what l heard people say.
One day found peculiar formation on
the bottom of a basket Of imported
dates, and says to myself, that must be
a tariff but it was only some mud. But
say, what does the doctor say about your
pa? Will he pull through"
''Pa is better, thanks to careful nur-