The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-01-25

!, 1884. WHOLE NO. 759.
WHY WE LAUGH.
THE BAIT OF THE AVERAGE FISHERMAN.

III. G.. Dodge
This is the bait the
fishermen take,
the fishermen
take, the fishermen take,
when they start out the
fish to wake so
early in the
morning. They
take a nip before they goa
good one, OH and long and slow
for fear the chills will lay them low
early in the morning Another when
they're OH the street, which they repeat
each time they meet for "luck"-for that's
the way TO greet fisher in the morning. And
when they're on the rivers brink again
they drink without a wink-to fight ma
laria they think it proper in the MORN
ing. They tip flask with true delight
when there's bite; if fshing's light
they "smile" the more till jolly tight,
all fishing they are scorning. An
other nip as they depart; and at
the mart and one to part, but
none when in the house they
dart, expecting therell be
mourning This is the bait
the fishermen try who
fishes buy at prices high,
and tell each one a big
ger lie of fishing
in the morning.
The coming man is he who owes you.
Two heads are better than one, particularly
in a barrel.
1t must make prisoner raven mad to be
called Jail-bird.
An unprincipled bachelor says troubles
never come single.
A professional reformer is one who tries 10
work his racket on other people.
The Spaniards have religious reverence
for the banana, believing it to be the fruit of
which Adams partook. 1t has certainly
caused the fall of many son of Adam.
THE trees will not pegin to turn over a
new leaf until spring." said sad-eyed tramp,
"and as always follow Natures teachings,
| think I'll it."-Ne,o York Journal.
"Mock duels" are the fashion able thing
among the dudes of Washington. If there
were some real duels among that species the
country would be slow to p II down dueling
"Yes," said the Idaho man, .'its dreadful
unfortunate that my gal got bugged by that
ar BAR. She's sort O. held me in contempt
ever since" And he thoughtfully wiped off
his grizzly chin.
Netting the present of a silver cup to q
brother journalist, a Western editor says ::
"He needs no cup. He can drink from any
vessel that contains liquor, whether the neck
Of a bottle, the mouth of a pickle jar, the
spile of keg, or bung of a barrel"
John Henry had guest TO dinner the
other day, and during pause in the conver-
sation the cnfdnt tcrribte spoke up; ~ wish
| was you" "Do you, my little boy, and
why do you wish you were mew "Cos you
don't get your ear plnched when You eat Wit
Ties with your knife"
job printing!" exclaimed an old lady,
the other day, as she peeped over her spec
Lacles at the advertising page Of a country
paper. Poor Job! They've kept him
printing, week after week, ever since larnt
to read; and if he wasn't the patientest mar
that ever was, he never could have stood it
50 IoHg, no now:
There don't appear TO be much limit TO
farm lsborer's hours. A man who has been
working for a New Canaan farmer, putting
in thirteen to sixteen hours day, quit on
Saturday. "What's the matter? Don't you
like the place ?" asked the farmer. "Oh, yes,
like the place well enough, explained the
'hand,' but the nights are getting so long
I'm afraid ! can't do full days work" The
farmer smiled like an invalid.-Ddnbry
Ne,rs.
O. An humble boy, with shining pail,
went gladly singing adown the dale, to where
the COW with the brindle tail on clover her
palate did regale. An humble bee did gaily
sail far over the soft and shadowy vale, to
where the boy with the shining pail was
milking the cow with q brindle tail. (2).
The bee sat down on the cows left ear; her
heels flew up through the atmosphere-and,
through the leaves Of chestnut tree, the
boy scared into eternity.
A Tenth Warder, rather under the inhu-
ence of liquor, approached an acquaintance
the other day and remarked; "See, here,
Bill, they say you called me a sheep thief"
or Pll lick you" "I'll be happy to epoio-
gize. / called you a sheep thef-but mis-
spoke myself-I meant to say that you had
been in Jail for stealing horsew "That's
manly" said the Tenth Warder. "Less take
drink. l knew you didn't think I'd pick
up anything smaller'n a horse."-Detrot
Free Press.
Advice to skaters: Keep your head higher
than your heels. If you slip up, you are lia-
BILE to slip down-if you think of it In time
you had better sit down as soon as your heels
begin TO run ahead of you. Lookers.on will
think you did it TO fix your skate. Be care
full to wear skates that are acquainted; If
they are strangers to each other, they may
incline to opposite directions. Have your
pants made roomy about the hips, and, If
practicable, you can conceal pillow or door
mat therein. Ii 1t were fashionable, a ater-
fall at the back of the head would sometimes
be beneficial. II should be made of sea
grass; an inflated beef. bladder will not do
1t is too short-lived. If it is a lady skating,
she can always save herself by saying, "Oh,
my~ When you get your skates on, take
an erect position, place your arms akimbo,
and strike out gracefully. If you fall, do 1t
while your girl is fixing her skate--shc won't
see you. If you are going hellettesplit, and
an air-hole looms up before you, you had
better "straddle the blind" and s'stand pat"
If the others want to "come in" let 'em
come. After you get good and warm at
skating, take of your wraps, and 60 1t in
your shirt-sleeves. (TbIs only applies to
men, You may take severe cold, but
what of that? Colds are fashionable.