The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-09-20
AT NIAGARA FALLS.

Stanley Huatiey. in Travelers' Magarine.l
 -oh w sqaeaked Mrs. Spoopendyke, hysterically, as she galed on the falls with one eye, and furtiyely threw the other around on the other women to see if they were any retter dressed than she was. Isn't this wonderful :. Say, my dear, shouldn't you think that little island would be afraid over there alone by itself!n
 lis safer there than it would be ashore,n muttered Mir. Spoopendyke, dropping a highly wrought bead bag in his effort to jam pair of moccasins, that weren't mates, into his pocket If that island is any way hard up and half smart, it'll stay where it is, and hold on to what it's got say, what're you going to do with these shoes if you ever get 'em home ?" he continued, as the larger one hi,ched up and dropped to the ground.
 Don't lose 1t {" exclaimed Mrs. Spo0p- endyke, anxiously. :. am going to hang them ID in the parlor."
 If the man who sold them was any way reasonable in his charges, I'd like to hire him to get into 'em about the time the hanging comes ofw growled Mir. Spoopendyke. Look here. Have you any fxed idea of the distance you expect me to lag this old shinney stick? Got any accurate notion of the labor in- voived in hauling the dod gas,ed thing around?"
 That's an Indian war club protested Mrs. Spoopendyke. !" want that, and you mustn't lose 1t fer anything"
 From my experience around here don't s'pose could lose it for nothing - grunted Mr. Spoopendyke But what l want to know" he continued, settling one end of the club in his hip pocket, and trying to conceal the other under his coat. @What 1 want to know is, when the measly thing is calculated to 90 on a peace footing. Here. In what portion of my habiliments am l expected to se- crete this cemetery? Where does this rapidly-growing-in-pcpularisy graveyard gos'
 "Oh, my. It's a work-basket '" chir- ruped Mrs. Spoopendyke. "You must carry that in your hand. or you'll break it. Say, dear," and she took his arm and aept more closely to him. Don't you enjoy it: Isn't that awful fall of terrible water just too lovely? What makes it fall down liks thatr
 "l don't know," retorted Mir. Spoop- endyke, eyeing the scene with scowl, and dropping an arm full of stereoscopic uews.. "I suppose it falls like that be- cause it can't run up. nyou could gss into the confidence of the thing, pre- same it would refeT you to the theory of eravitation, and that would turn you over to the doctrine of pressure. By that time ve wouldn't have money to get home vith. Say, do you really think you're going to need this gun boat for anything .~ip which you can give definite descrip- Hon ?"
 sOh, my little canoe!~ cried Mrs. Spoopendyke. I'm going to hang that on the chandelier with pretty ribbons"
 @Thatr provide good deal of enter testainment" snorsed MT. Spoopendyke, hunching the canoe into his arm pit % as to get better grip on the keel " But my judgment is that this sef-acting chunk of aboriginal transportation is going to need Bessemer steel chains to hold it. l can understand how a savage could sail in the thing. but what want now is the com bination by which be stopped it when he got ready to-Hold on Catch hold oi that junk, if you calculate to save 1t Shove it under my arm, will yef Nov, tip up the other end so can get pur- chase! don't know, though" rumin- aaed Mir. Spoopendyke, gutteraliy, "a man don't want much help to ind a pur- chase around here," and he giared aeosi him and then stopped over io pick up . tomahawk and pipe:
 We've got lots of nice things ts re ~k A~~ntk AS~w % smiled Mrs. Spoopendyke, encouragingly. s But want to get lev lIttle tEipksss fos the ladies in the church Only little ones, you kuow."
 aYes, know," grinned Mir. Spoopen- dyke They'll have to be little, tos rvs only got my ears lek to ssow in. Go oc and buy them. Don't hesitate on my ac- count. Those dod easted women expeci ii, and they're going to have 1t! An want now is a war trail and q consisn. ment of belafed government rations e look like 2 mezsly reservation Bring ou the consignment. Disinfect the goods and file the invoices on the back of my neck. lfyou meet man with lambes yard on his shouldes and hammer in hil kss, get him to build wing and a loft on me, and then go ahead with your Niagzrz faIls! Whoop! There goes more pre-. historic civlissiion! Ca yos SsacA ds~n aad hand ne shose speass and thae lefi- handed scythe vifh . wart ou its spine Nov just run 'em through my suspenderl bshiad, ard tie tAas vsr beanef nound ay ssck r
 NWhae's that in your moufA, dear inquired hGsA Spospsn1yke, sslicieeesly
 "A lin6 asyow bead1 grewisa nr. Seeep0Ayks, vindicGs1y. ~And ifl zke . ds1llss = est ie o1es TAs1 heu ee h3ouinG around thse hss founA an Axssc ha1l3e-fs1d, snd thsy'n fence ny jav in, and chasEe admission. Let ii alsse, vin ye! ] paid three dealan Sos