Connecticut western news., 1884-02-27
From the Philadelphia Evening Cslll CORRECT USE OF WORDS.

F'NSss h''sf a'N'
 From the Philadelphia Evening CaLl
 CORRECT USE OF WORDS, Jne-"No, I never associate with that girl"
 Mury-"And why not3"
 Janc-"sho is always so stuck up." Mnry-"why, never noticed it." Jane -"I have You ought to sec tho trouble I had with my dress tho hat time I walked home with her." Mary-"Trouhlo with your dress Why, what has that got to do with her being proud ?"
 Jane-'1 did not say she was proud" Mary-"You said she was always stuck up." in a molasses candy factory"
 INTERRUPTED CONVERSATION. visitor-"You should know the Simpkinses. They are such cultured people, and have no end of wealth. Thov winter every yoar in tho south of Europe"
 Hostess-"I must, indeed. They can tell me the most desirable places for us to spend tho winters hereafter"
 Visitor-"And do you think of going abroad2"
 Hostess-"oh, yes Ton sec, it don't matter much where VIC 1.-Two now, as my husband has retired from business, and I thought few winters in Europe, varied by an occasional tour around the world, would -"
 Hostoss' Daughter (oponing the doorl -"Ma, hero is the butchers boy again with that same horrid old bill. Shall ! tell him you're not in again, like l did the Inst time2"
 BAD Boy.
 "I have q good mind to give you n thrashing," said the old gentleman to hia young hopeful. "I have told you time and time again not to do that"
 ''I will never do it again." pleaded tho youngster. "rhat's what you always say. If had leather strap I'd trounce you within an inch of your life. Here's a cano that will do just as well.
 "Oh don't, don't 1" the boy shouted; "dont whip me with that cane, you might break it. Get leather strap. There's nothing likelcather."
 TIMELY MOVE.
 "well, !" said George, Plancing at the clock, which was on the stroke oi mid night, "I think | had better make a move," and he got up to go. "If you would, dear" she said, listening apprehensiyely to an ominoua creaking in the room above, 'it would be wise and timely move for you, I'm sure, and I will gladly second the motion"
 She got him out of the front door, but there was no time to lose.
 SEEKING INFORMATION.
 Little Jach-"You Ain't iraidy calf, are you?"
 Young smithers-"why, hope moi, my boy. Will your sister be down pretty soon" r.
 Little Jacls-"Yos, she hns got her hair most fixed. She thinks you're fraidy calf"
 Young smithers-"oh, guess you are mistaken"
 Little Jack-"No; she told papa she 'xpected youd be scared away like ell tho other good catches"
 MAN or ABILITY.
 "So you want situation as a con. ductor, do you9" said the president of the road.
 ''Yes, sir, the applicant replied.
 "Have you the necessary qualifications for such responsible position ?"
 "I am sure I have, sir.
 "Well, suppose your train should meet with n serious disaster, in which num- Der of passengers would be killed and a large amount of property destroyed, what action would you take in such casef"
 'I would telegraph tho newspapers that the accident was of little importance, and then send word to tho president of the road to sell stock short"
 "Hm," replied the president, "I am afraid those are not tho proper qualii- cations for good conductor, but you are man of ability, see. We want a first-class superintendent You can con. sider yourself engaged as superintendent of the road, at salary of sl0,OOO a year."
 LEAP YEAR PARTY.
 Mnbel-"How dull the season is get. ting Wc must do something to enlivon it. What shall it bop
 Edith, Alice, Minnie, Nellie, Eudora, ct al. Gin chorus) )-"Oh, yes; lets--lots let's" (the remainder of this was lost ] Mabel-"Don't all speak at once. | can't hear word"
 Fair Chorus" let's-lot's--a -a--a---a---leap--. --.loap--leap- 'loap-- year party"
 Mabel-"Oh, won't that be fun We will issue the invitations, make all the arrangements, and do everything just like the men,"
 Fair Chorus--"Oh. yes; let's--let's-- -do--do-=do---"
 Mabcl--"But never thought Al . lean year party the ladies arc expected 10 pay all the bills. Shall wo hayo the pnrtyp"
 Fair Uhorus-"Let's-let's--lot's-- let's.-let's--dont." | RATHER DOUBTFUL.
 Mrs. D. docking up from her paper) -"Is not this strange2"
 Mir. D.-"Well, what have you struck now2"
 Mrs. D. (reading)-"A bride of q month from Marinette, Wis, slipped ont of sleeping car near Milwaukee with S65 dollars of her husbands money and disappeared"
 Mir. D.-I don't believe if"
 Mrs. D.-"And why not2 ?"
 Mir. D.-'1t says they had been married q month, don't it2"
 Mrs. D.-"Ycs."
 Mir. D.-"And she took S65 from his pocket ?"
 Mrs. D.-"T believe so."
 Mir. D.-"Well, no man a month mar. ried ever had that amount of money left"
 MORE DEAF THAN FORMERLY.
 Little Girl-"Papa, did mamma sSy yes to you right ofr when you asked her to marry you2" Certainly she did" l.. G.-"why don't sho say yes nov just as quick when you ask her to ds things ?"