The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-03-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

WORST speli Oh Tue seaSon.
New York cats wear silver collars
with tiny bells. This makes quite an
addition to the concerts.
A Chinese proverb says: "a man
thinks he knows, but woman knows
better" The Chinese must 90.
was Detroit girl that married at
Is SO as to have her golden-wedding
when it would do her some good.
People who persist in travelling bare
foot around newly-carpeted bedroom
often find themselves ON the wrong
tack.
While we fellows are scratching to
earn our living the cremationists are
taking measures TO urn their dead
Boston Post
At the kindergarten: Now, children,
what is the name of the meal you eat
in the morning?". 'sOat meal" replies
a precocious member of the class.
Swell Cad OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
really, Tottie, you do look so awfully
MASKING that-confound tiff you were
real lady, by Jove, I'd marry you.'
Some of the mummies in the British
museum have false teeth. This throws
the origin of the railway sandwich
away back into the murky clouds of
antiquity again.
A poet hath remarked that ''All
paths lead to the grave" He undoubt-
eddy referred to allopaths and homeo-
paths and hydropaths and the rest of
the III. ID. paths.
Bacon said that reading maketh a
full man." but Bacon appears to be
oblivious of the fact that many other
things are more often used than read
ing for that purpose.
A sketch in a story paper is called
ga Woman's Smile" 1t is evidently
founded on glass of sodawater. A
mans ''smile" would make stronger
foundation for story.
"Ohr' said the man who had travel
ed, Il don't mind having the delirium
tremens. / saw snakes, and alligators,
and things, but it merely seemed as
though l was in Florida.
A son of old Brigham Young has
been visiting in Central Michigan for
the past fortnight, and 500 husbands
have neglected business to hang around
home. Detroit Free Press.
Old Gentlemen-'.Ah, Mrs. b. Did
you keep diary during your visit to
the countryP" Mrs. b. Indignantly
No, sir; didn't. The family bought
milk from the neighbors."
mo, don't go yet" said the Buffalo
girl at midnight, as her lover rose to
leave. Don't 60 yet, it isn't late.
Remember that the clocks in the city
have been showed ahead sixteen min
uteS."
An exchange says that blast in a
limestone quarry near Bodie, Cal, I'M
covered five petriied CULTS eggs.
Scientists are now wrestling with the
question: Can a petritied gull lay an
egg?"
Boston girls never say He is gone
goose" When lover is observed to
be idiotically sweet on any particular
young lady, the other girls refer to rim
as "a departed aquatic flower of the
genus anser.
The latest theory explaining the
crimson sunset seems to be most plaus-
ible. They are said to be caused by
the lurid lubrications of Ella Wheeler,
the warm haired poetess OF the Vest
NoTriSto10n Herald.
Use your fork, Johnnie. Have YOU
forgotten so soon what | told you about
using your tingerS?' ''Well, mamma;
fingers were made before forks!" Eyes;
l know they were; but not your fingers"
-I02tterS Statesman.
At the club-Young Pilkins (to visit
ing country cousin who has waxed con-
hdential under champagne): And so
you say she is %, but YOU don't think
she'll have you, Ell? Well, you have
been brought up in the country"
why is it that your sister never
learned to skater" asked pretty miss
OF the young fellow skating with her
on Prospect Park Lake 'She has BIG
feet" very bluntly replied the brute
Of a brother.-N Y. Commercial al
UertiSer.
A young Indiana woman was fright
ened into commissions by going into o
dimly lighted room which she thought
unoccupied and there seeing young
man of the family throwing his arms
wildly about in the effort to put on his
overcoatn
What influence has the moon upon
the tide?' asked the professor. The
class wag replied that he didn't know
exact y what influence it had upon the
tied, but that it had q tendency to
make the united awful spoony.-Bur-
liRgt0n Free Press.
a Vermont woman who had Just had
the mumps says she hopes TO gracious
she will never have to go through such
an experience again. For two whole
weeks she hasn't been able to jaw her
husband or to let out q single neigh
borhood secret; awful martyrdomi
Little Nell" Mamma, what is color
blind?" Mamma Inability TO tell
one color from another, dear" Little
Nell-''Then I dess the man that made
my geography is color blind Nam
ma-''And why, pet?" Little Nell
''Tause he got Greenland painted yell
low"
Poor John. he was kind and for
bearing husband" sobbed the widow
on her return from the funeral Yes"
said a sympathizing neighbor, ''but it
IS all for the best. You must try and
comfort yousef, my dear, with the
thought that your husband is at peace
at last"
In the opinion of a genuine Kentuck-
ian there Is no part of our national
history so important as the fact that
old Pete Anderson's son Calib married
lobe Watkins daughter, and after
wards owned Step High, the horse that
Ben Salus rode from Lexington to
Frankfort in 1859.
A fashionable lady has sent card
around to her friends to announce "the
birth of four children to nv favorite
dog; their intended names viii be Ju-
no, Titan, Hercules, and Goliah,"
This was either a good satire or the
very acme of the present dog-loving
feyer.-N T. Graphic.
As an aged, white-haired darky pass
ed chicken-coop in Grand street the
other day a rooster poked his head
L