Connecticut western news., 1884-01-02
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WIT AND WISDOM.

AN ot1 AASAN AH HNtAN4 'AAt" A"N A'a ones.
 WHEN fish are rare, even a crab is fish.
 EVERY little frog is great in his own bog.
 TRusr in God, but do not stumble yourself.
 MONEY is not God, but it shows great mercy.
 IF God don't forsake us the pigs will not take us.
 Go AFTER two wolves and you will not even catch one.
 ASK pig to dinner and he will put his feet on the table.
 BE praised not for your ancestors, but for your virtues.
 NEVER take a crooked path when you can see n straight one.
 DISEASE comes in by hundred-weighta and goes out by ounces.
 FEAR not the threats of the great, but rather the tears of the poor
 Ir IS the man in the mud who sees something in the rain to add mire.
 AN evil thought in the heart of man who has heart is about as troublesome as q wasp in the ear.
 IF you are planning a plan which in- wolves dishonesty, you had better chew the cud for little and think about con- sequences.
 A GREAT many people in the world who are not intolerably disagreeable are, nevertheless, as disagreeable as circum- stances allow.
 Tm Reading Hcrald thinks the estab- lishment of a government for Alaskn would be an excellent way of disposing of some of our surplus statesmen.
 THEY say you can see the new comet now with the aid of n good glass. ''Be careful" adds tho Boston Globe, "take a glass of tho right kind; otherwise you may see two comets"
 BosroN is moving along pretty fast but we desire to correct the report that John l.. Sullivan has been offered the position of fighting editor of the Atlantic Monthlg.-Phiiadeiphia Call.
 FAITH is sometimes personifed as drenched female clinging to n sea washed rock but better pcrsonifca- ton would be bald-headed man buying a bottle of patent hair restorer.
 THE Houston Post, speaking of the "ffieen Mormon missionaries" soon to be sent to Texas to make converts, quietly advises Co ''send no men that cannot be permanently spared"
 SOME one asked a Marselaise tenor why he sang only in concerts. 'Its very simple" he replied. "one day I fell down stairs and broke my voice, and this is why I only sing in pieces. "- Hotel Mail.
 A PHILADELPHIA street car has reg. istering turnstile at the door. 10 kills the driver to have n newsboy jump in to sell papers, and jump out without paying fare. The company takes every jump out of the drivers wages.
 TIE Detroit Free Press wants the Michigan Legislature to enact law making train robbery something more serious than horse.stealing." As they hang people out West for horse-stealinR, we don't believe it can be done.
 "PA, what is poetic license?" "Well, my boy, as nearly as l can learn, poetic license is something which enables a man to say things in verse which would incarcerate him in lunatic asylum if worked off at a political meeting"
 A MEDICAL writer asserts that women are so constructed that they cannot jump. Just for the sake of argument we should like to induce the doctor to let mouse into the same room with his wife and close the door. Science doesn't know everything yet.
 "MR. WHITE" said Harrisburg law yer to a witness in the box, ''at the time these papers were executed you were speculating, were you not2" "Yes, sir "You were in oil2 CT was" "And what are you in powq" Bankruptcy was the solemn reply.
 "YEs," said young Mir Tawmus, ''I shall leave town. think Mr Scaw- cham is going to cut mo out with Sylvia, and if leave town I'll make it appear that she only took up with him because I had gone. know how to take care of my reputation. ."-Bostoa Post.
 A LADY was reproaching Mir. William Warren at recent reception for going into society so little. "You ought to let us lionize you a little, she said. 'I never heard of but one man" replied the veteran actor, "who was not spoiled by being lionized." "And who was he?" "Daniel."
 UNCLE ERNEST surprised Lili wetting her fingers with brandy from a flask and smearing the face of a doll with it. "What arc you doing there, little one P said he. "My doll is pale, answered she "I am giving it color" "But you can't impart color with that" "Yes, I can. for mamma told me it was brandy that made your nose 80 rcd"
 IN Boston horse car a small boy was observed to be suddenly agitated, but regained his self-control after a few mo- ments. Soon after the conductor ap- peared and asked for fares. When he stood before the small boy there was . slight pause, and the passengers were surprised to hear the following. "Pleathe charge it to my papa I've thwallowed the money"
 DURING a dense fog, Mississippi steamboat took landnig. A trayeleri