davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03
Quaint Answers.

Some of the answers of the English
school children in tho examinations on
paper conducted by her Majesty's in
spector of schools are very amusing.
The following were recently among the
written answers in examinations on
Scriptures:
"Who was Moses?' "He was an
Egyptian. He lived in bark maid OF
bullrushes and he kept golden cart
and worshipt braizen snakes and he het
nothin' but quahles and manner for
forty years. He was kort by the air OF
his ed while ridin' under q bow of q
tree and he was killed by his son Absa-
lon as he was hanging from the bow.
His end was peace.
"What do you know of the patriarch
Abraham" ale was the father OF
Lot and had tew wives. One was call
ed Hismale and tother Haygur. He
KEEP wun at home and lie hurried 10th
or into the desert. where she became q
pillow of salt in the daytime and pill
low OF fire ut mite.
write an account of the Good Sa-
marian" "a certain man went down
from Jerslam to Jeriker and he fell
among thawns and the thawns sprane
up and choked him. Whereupon he
gale tuppins to the boast and said take
care OH him and put him on his hone
bass. And he past bye on the hothel
side"
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03
IL Wont BE IL Match.

A man whose hair and whiskers
were plcntifully sprinkled with gray
was in the city yesterday to see about
buying a large quantity of lead pipe.
When he asked how much mile and
n half of n certain size would cost, the
dealer stood Off and looked ut him in
amazement.
"Oh! amt loony." replied the man.
'.But what can you want OF mile
and half of this pipe, costing you
many hundred dollarsp"
''Seo here" replied the other, rs he
took chair and become confidential,
"Pm widower."
"Yes."
"I'm thinking of taking a second
wife. She dotes on front yard. I've
got the yard. She dotes on lawn or
naments. I've been around pricing
stone dogs, cast-iron deer and terra
Gotta rabbits till you can't rest. She
dotes on fountains. That's why want
the pipe"
"But why so much Of ftp"
Because I've got to run the pipe TO
q spring on 4 hill mile and half
away"
when he had explained now mucn
fall he had the dealer told him that he
couldn't get fountain enough 10 damp
en- sunflower.
won't be no squirt to it, ehp"
NO"
won't squirt foot high?"
mo, sir, not an inch"
"Well, no fountain, no marriage.
She's sot on that I'll go back and Of
fer to fill the yard with dccoy ducks
and conch shells, and put stained glass
windows in the horse-barn. but reckon
the match is Off I've offered to get y
force-pump and hire coot by the year
to work it. but she says it wouldn't be
picturesque. Might build cistcrn on
legs and let the water play through q
fountain. but she is too romantic.
cant do no more. and if she insists on
fountain with squirt to it I'll look
around for some one else--somebody
who don't want Corinthian columns
under the corn-crib and Grecian
facade TO the pig-pen.-Detro1 Free
Press.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03

w. j. Florence, the actor, got lit
tie fun out of the anti-,Jewish crusade
nj Il certain Eastern Summer hotel.
His jovial face has Irish lines in it, but
no lineament that could be construed
rs Jewish. He had read about the
situation, and it came into his mind rs
he walked up to the registry. He
wrote in tho book rs. Isaacs, New
York" The clerk looked at the sig
nature in sudden alarm, and then
gazcd earnestly into the comedians
visagc. us that your name, sir?' he
stammered, quite thrown off his usual
steady balance. dot ish my name,
yes" was the reply in excellent dialect.
"l-socks-Solomon I-socks." "Then
am sorry to say that we can't give you
u ROOM" At this point the bystanders
laughed. and the actors joke was duly
noted for publication.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03
-~n-o-(r~-------------
Lucky Leadyille-A Catless City.

One of the queerest of the many queer
things about ''this here mining camp"
rs most of the natives still call Lead
vile, is that in all the length and
breadth thereof there lives not single
cat. Cats have been imported here by
the hundreds and in all varieties of
color, breeding and size, but not one
has ever survived the second week OF
residence. The midnight serenadc, the
backyard clawing contest and the
bootjack act are alike unknown to the
Leadvillian, and his nightly slumber is
sound and swcet--a calm and undis-
turbed repose. The healthiest, sleek
est cat in St. Louis, if brought TO Lead
vile, would lose all interest in life the
moment it reached here, and, after
moping around in sickly and discon-
ISOLATE way for few days. would re-
signedly have fit and give up the
ghost. a saloon-keeper brought big,
strong Maltese from Denver q few
weeks ago, hoping the animal would
survive the fits long enough to be ac-
climated, but it was no use. The cat
had fit the first day, two or three the
second, and then the number of attacks
increased in geometrical progression
until, as the saloon man said: There
were more fits than cat, and the cat
had to give in"
However, rs there are no rats or
mice in Leadville, there is no real need
of cats, and it makes little difference
whether they live or die. The thin at
mosphere ut this altitude 90, 200 feeD
is as fatal to the vermin rs to their
foe, and the inhabitants are thus mer-
cifully spared the inilction of both.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03

Frank" said a flushed wife as she
came into the room where he was
smoking and quietly putting cigar.
''where's mamap"
II threw her out of the window. I"
"Wha = you = VIII what do you
meanp"
'You will find your mama, my
dear, under the back window. in the
back yard. Now, don't annoy me any
more about your mama"
"What do you mean by speaking
that way of herp Poor old thing! and
she liked you so we'll. She always
spoke SO highly of you. What makes
you say that?'
II heard your mama tell one OF the
neighbors awhile ago that she had
come up here to teach you how to
cook. Before we were married, Kitty,
/ took dinner at your house. You
apologized then for the food by saying
that your mother cooked it. Out in
the back yard-under the third-story
window-on the grass"
you are awful mean. Chicago
Herald.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03
The very best remedy that can be

The very best remedy that can be
compounded from our present knowl-
edge of drugs, for colds, coughs,
asthma, bronchitis, and other lung
diseases, is DIR. Wistar's Balsam of
Wild Cherry. 1t has cured many
cases of consumption when all other
remedies had failed. A single spoon
full will cure an ordinary cough or
cold, and give instant relief to asth-
ma. 1t is soothing, healing and
strengthening to the throat and lungs
and is very pleasant to take.
An /. o. O. f. encampment will
be established at Alma on Saturday.
East Saginaw will place a city
clock in the new academy Of music
block.
Muskegon shipped Tuesday $780,
600 feet of lumber and 60 cords of
slabs.
The Lapeer City elevator is taking
in about 1000 bushels of wheat a
day.
w. c. Russ of Ithaca raised a po-
tato this year that weighed four
pounds.
Many whose blood has become
poisoned from various causes, and
whose i'll health was indicated by
pimples, sore feelings, aches, pains,
urinary sediments, catarrh, and in
fammation Of the mucous membrane,
constipation, dyspepsia, bad dreams,
etc., have been restored to perfect
health by using DIR. Guysott's Yellow
Dock and Sarsaparilla. 1t is the
only true blood purifier, and strength
ener of mind and body. No other
remedy equals it.
Sunday nights fire nin Bronson
caused loss of 100000; insured
$4,000.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03
Bismarck and Humboldt.

cat the late kings evening parties !
was the only victim when Humboldt
undertook TO amuso the company after
his fashion. He used to read aloud,
often for hours at q stretch, from the
biography of some great French scien-
tist or architect, in which no living
soul but himself took the least interest.
While reading he stood upright, and
held his book close to the lamp, lower
ing the volume from time to time, in
order to make u learned comment upon
its contents. Nobody listened to him,
but he went on all the same The
queen sewed away steadily at her en-
broidcry, not hearing word of his
lecture. The king looked at pictures
-copper-plates and wood-engravings
and made rs much noise as he could
in turning over the leaves. The young
people on either side of the room and
in the background chatted away to one
another quito unrestrainedly, giggling
and altogether rendering the reading
utterly inaudible. But it went on all
the same, necessarily, murmuringly,
like u brook. Gerlack sat upon his lit
tie round stool, over the edges of which
his fat hung in flaps all around it, and
slept snoring with such vchcmencc
that the king upon one occasion awak-
ened him, saying: Gcrlach, don't
snore!" Twas Humboldt's only pa
tient listener, that is to say, held my
tongue as il / were attending to his
lecture, and occupied myself with my
own private thoughts until the time
came for cold cakes and white wine. I"
The Manhattan.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03
Business in Utopia.

Jacob Schneider and Heinrich Baum
garten. two honest, Woodworking Ger
mans, settled on the clear fork OF the
Sandies in Gonzales County, about the
year 1848 They picked up some lit
tic knowledge OF the English language
from their scattered ncighbors, and in
1850 were somewhat innoculated with
the customs of the people.
Schneider sold horse to Baumgar-
ten on six months credit, and got a
neighbor to draw up a note for the
money. Baumgarten signed the note
and then said to Schneider. ''Vat j
must do NIT desc notep"
Schneider said: you geeps der
note. den you nose ven you must pay
me-"
Baumgarten said: dot is goot."
At the end of six months Baumgartcn
brought the money and the note to
Schneider and paid him the money and
said: "Now you dakos de node, den
you all times nose do money ish paid. "
.-PearsaH Nesos.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03

Wisconsin is the leading cranberry
state. Michigan is second. The aver
ago yield OF u marsh is 80 10 200 BUSH
els to the acre. The picking season
lasts two weeks, and three bushels Is q
good days work. Scventy-five cents n
bushel is the picker's pay. The Wis
consin crop is nearly all shipped to
Chicago commission houses, at 1915
to SO bushel. A well-managed
marsh containing 400 acres of vines
will yield about $4,000, and with q
very large crop the sum can be nearly
doubled. The entire crop of the United
States Is consumed ut home. English
men don't take kindly to the fruit and
q ship load sent to London o few y4Ars
ago Gould not be sold for the e0R q
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03

An Irishman wrs asked for his
marriage certificate: He slowly lifted
his hat, revealing large scar on the
head, evidently done by fiat iron
This evidence was the point. Our
certificates are the praises OF those
who have experienced wonderful
cures by the use of DR.. Bulls Cough
Syrup.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03

PAINLESS CHILDBIRTH. new book, tes
how any woman may become a mother SciM
ont suffering dnp ram 5ohokevey. 1t also
tells how to prevent and overcome morning
sickness, swelled limbs, and all other evils
attending pregnancy. Physicians highly
recommend 1t as the wifc's true private COM
panion. Send two.cent stamp for full de.
scriptive circular, testimonials, and conhden-
tial letter sent in sealed envelope. Address
FRANK THOMAS & Co., Pub, Baltimore
Md
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03

1t is common thing for professional
crabbers in New York and around
Long Island to get caught by the nose
by savage crabs while STOPPING down
in their boats. They never attempt to
break the animals hold. They imme-
diatcly jump overheard in their clothes
and the moment he feels salt water the
crab says good-by and sails away smil-
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03

4
Do not for moment let your con-
fdence betray you into supposing
yourself incapable of mistake. 1t is
indeed serious blunder to refuse to
take DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup when
you even suspect you have taken cold
Dundee thinks it has natural gas
enough to light the town.
Spring Lake, Cayuga Co., N. Y.
Rheumatic Syrup Co.:
l have been great sufferer from
rheumatism for sixteen years. A
part of the time could not leave
the house, and many weeks l was
confined to my chair, being unable
to leave it without help, and for
.hree long years / was compelled to
use crutches, and the pain suffered,
no one can realize--except those
who have been similarly afflicted. l
called different physicians and tried
many different kinds of liniments,
but obtained no relief. My limbs
were day by dav being drawn more
and more out Of shape, and | had
become completely discouraged, and
supposed that | was doomed to suffer
on until death put an end to my pain
when | heard Of your Rheumatic
Syrup, and Immediately commenced
its use, and in less than one week l
could see that it was helping .me and
after using it two months was COM
pletely cured and to day am as well
as ever. Rheumatic Syrup is truly a
wonderful medicine for cleansing the
blood and is certainly positive cure
for rheumatism, and it cannot tail to
meet with great success.
am, most respectfully yours,
Frank Shoecraft.
The silver smelling works of Wy
andotte are advertised for sale.
Lapeer, Mich, Feb. 2, 1881.
/ keep good supply Of your
Downs Elixir (all sizes), believing it
to be one of the best cough remedies
put up.
The Tekonsha News advertises as
lost, "seal brown lady's shawl"
Baxters Mandrake Bitters cure
indigestion, heart burn, costiveness,
and all malarial diseases. IS cents
per bottle. U. D. Bristol, druggist.
Paw Paw has village library club
with a library Of so volumes.
What everybody says must be true.
Halls Catarrh Cure is the only posi-
tive cure for Catarrh in the market.
Price IS cents.
The Queer Thing n woman is.
think have several times alluded
to the very curious kind of thing wo-
man is. l came across in q French
play which illustrates one phase of the
female nature most amusingly. A
Young man has run away to escape
woman ho has been flirting with. He
is making love to Il fresh flame, when
the deserted one hunts him up. After
few bitter reproaches she says:
Henry, darling, | love you. You
know it, have never hidden it from
you. Perhaps you have not returned
it. But mine is no selfish love. Tell
me that you love another and / will
say no more. Tell me frankly you do
not love me and l will leave you with
out murmur."
"Well," says the youth, frankly, l
do not love YOU"
Then she proceeds Immediately to
tear all his hair out, and leaves him on
the floor battered wreck. San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03

no not lot your Druggist pesaAds you V take
something else. but n no has net get It. and
will not send for It. write 10 NJ and We win send
* TO you by express prepaid. on receipt Of price.
......One 10 three bottles Of Rheumatic Syrup will
clear the system OF Bile and cure my case OF In
or Acute rheumatism, ar Neuralgia.
....Threc to Ave bottles will curo Erysipelas In
It's went form.
reur to six bottles are warrs nted to cure
corrupt and running Ulcers
80. Four 10 six bottles arc warranted to cure
any case Of salt Rheum. q
.Fivc to eight bottles win cure tho worst
case of Scroiula.
From two 10 four months use OF RheumaticI
Syrup will cure any case OF Chronic rheumatism
Of twenty years standing.
Iey.u have been q sufferer for years, and have
used all the remedies you could hear Of with no
avail, do not DO discouraged, for Rheumatic1
Syrup will cure you.
Price, e1.O0 per bottle; bottles for $500.
Send for our pamphlet Of Testimonials, etc, =
RHEUMATIC SYRUP CO.. Rochestes. N Y.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03
CMMCACO. EaoCK EsLAMp g. PAClEEC


all
o.
oauotn Cameron Kansas and
n<erB etntc.
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03
treat ROCK ISLAND ROUTE


coMopious WELL VENTILATED WELL
Of sEvEhTy-FivE
rhaEE TRAINS MISSOURI
The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-03


II =,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-04-10

TER ball is .tri-weekly. 1t takes
place at one of the wine shops near the
crossiHg Of thetwe boulevards, piderpt
and D1hrnesnil.l This last names i
proprietes spr. the brave and gallaht
tieis HEwlD borejt had like the fnE
MARQUIS 81 AngfesSa, lost ..haif His
understanding" in the wars of the first
I Napoleon. and said he would surrender
Ythe fortress of Vincennes 10 the enemy
kwhen they had given him ckhis leg.s
We say appropriate, for thispar1icular
class of beggars are mostly mainied.
| Manchots, or one-armed men, arein the,
ma .ority: but there are also lame I'D
dlers and blind singers, togethers with
the partially paralyzed, who anpeaI to
the public pity for living. This med
ley of cripples is completed and sea-
med. as it were, by the beggars' at
tendahts hoss who hirettemseIyes by
the dag 10 lake out and br.pgin snch OF
the fraternity or guild as are unable to
60 by themselves. A ball given by such
people Is. to say the least, highly inter-
estng. The ball is we'll attended.
There is no LAX of fun and gay
ETY.. At certain moments there is
salon and at the shining zinc refresh
AeIlt Ddi, dltuJuSA % bAiS idSt IIC.IucA
greediness nor sgluttony is manifested.
The choreogran hicpart Of the entertain
ment is not the least amusing. To see
blspd singer waltz. or q one armed &C
COZ deon player schahute] withsa lame
fiddler's wife, lis sight worth seeing.
The orchestra is, of course, easily fo1nd
and is fairly proficient. Among the re
freshments '.meie cassis" and '.SalaIier"
are great favorites. This last is the
beggar's 'bowl of sack" Strange to
say, these good things and many others
are dealt out by the former butler at one
of the most aristpcratic houses in Paris.
There is the richest, silver plate, diplo
matists, Ministers of State, Dukes and
Counts and their fair ladies were served
by him, who now, on his own premises,
is saving money, by both p,irveying and
serving the Beggars' Ball. The lamest
beggers usually dance the most vigor-
ously. and the mot sepulehral are the
mer1ie>t. 4 The particularly remarkable
part of the entertainment, however, a.
viewed by the surreptitious stranger, is
the unexpected moderationin eating and
temperance in drinking shown by those
to whom abstinence is generally sup
posed 10 belong only upon compulsion.
Paris Letter. g. BIZ
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-04-10
HOME AND FARM.


Lard and sulphur applied to the
backs and sides of calves VIII destroy
|syerrnin. s rchange.s1 q s 4
Is Give cows that have mot gwintered
swel1warm bran slop With aE1ittle gin
ger Chicago Journal.
Where old straw is heavy and rank,
let it dry somewhat and burn it. 1t ia
T.goodsfor eorn.---N.xY. Herald. Asszssa . a,
LCInllers: Melt four table, p oonfuls
tof lard and add 10 il ono Soup ofsugar
beaten with two eggs one pint Of mIlk,
two tablespoon sfuls of baking powder,
flour to make q batter5 Fry in hot
lards--Bostoa Globe. @<s Ass
An excellent preparation for soften
ing the hands is made of equal parts of
lamb suet and of glycerfne melt them
gently together add a few drops of
some strong perfume, land ,ises after
bathing; rub a little thoroughly into
the skin.-NsY.. Posi-
"A very prety.tidy is 11adesof Oar
let or any shade OF red felt; pit asfrips
OF black velvet, and on these strips en-
broider little fans in bright and varied
colors OF silk. The bottom OF this tidy
is finished by pinking the felt; let the
velvet strips run down to form a point;
and put tassel, made OF the different
colored silks, on each point. Asbany
journal.
one has made the shrewd re-
mark that. if the growing season APP
pear; too @sh TT to allow'crops tefully
. allure on your farm, it will pay you to
remember that you can really lengthen
it several days by having your land
thoroughly sunderdrained,. This will
not only place your soil in condition
to work earlier, but will also make.it
warmer sothat plants will grow more
rapidly.
The Auaericdn Cultirdtor says: "a
few b }xes in the house, in the windows,
are very useful for starting bedding
plants for those who Have not hot
house. Such plants as abbage, lettuce,
celery and tomotoes should be ready to
put in the open ground as soon as it is
fit and ready for them, and where only
few each are wanted it is quite as easy
to- start them in windsw baxes> as 10.
hotbeds.''S e g q y q
Keep plaster always son hand 1t
is special fertilizer for clover, beans,
peas and potatoes. 1t will promote the
growth of nearly all plants, affords
partial protection against drought, and
will furnish soluble lime to plants that
need it. OF all the fertilizers known
plaster is the cheapest, and, for its cost,
is the most remune, ative. Two bushels
only. are needed for COED application.
Farmer. "a
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-04-10

"A gentleman residing at Aiken, S.
e. recently sentA pefr of ponies that
had been driven to the Iamily csfriage
for numbered years and the c1ach
dog cut 70 his plantation to beskepk Jun
IN the roads dfi@d up. Shoftly after
chat he boughtaspairof hofses, 1Aich
he drove occasionally, but which were
intended for the farm. One day the
dog visited the family residence and saw
the horses hitched to the carriage, which
Revidently caslsed grave suspicious to
rise in its mind. Without remaining as
long as usual It fastened back to sthe
farm, and the next morning rethrned
with the ponies. The driver firmly be-
|lieves thatthe dog told the ponies that
they were about to lose their places
and they came to see about tn o.
Times.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-04-10
The Beggars' Ball.

One o the curio sights OF Paris is
the ..Beggars' Ball. his interes ing
event takes place regularly in the some-
what distant and but little known dis
trict situated between the closed arches
OF the Nincennes Railway viaduct and
the gray walls of the Ma .as Prison
There, several times week, the
Partisan beggars meet to have a
dance and forget Tor a moment
their bardships in the joys o.
the dan, e. They live in an nd DIN
ing str set or alley, almost entirely
peopl d by those VIII, su'sist by aims.
it is their stronghold, their lair. their
place of abode From it they eme ge
in the morning, and to it they return in
the evening. There Ives in Paris sew
eral classes OF beggars: Fl st. those
who. ara. allowed 10 stand in the rect
n g given time and place. hese the
passers by have known and seen4ior
wears. Second, tn sc who creep and
crawl internationally along the boule-
va DIS aud highways of the French capt.
tai. Third those who take up their
station under tn, doorways. and sell,
as a pretext, pencil or writ NC
naper. Fourth, those who shun
the crowded pathway for the quiet
courtyard, where they sing, or speak,
M. MAY, to the occupants of tn. sur
rounding windows. This is the class
of beoc AS who disport themselves upon
tine Flight fantastic toe" III Sc
,,srticalar beggars have ce tain pre-
tensions to the fine arts. They wish to
10 understood to cultivate music. sing
;no and eloquence. They ask. aims in
The names of the MUSES.. Others-those
mo freau mt the doors of the :urches
sneak of the Virgin Mary; but these
Invoke Erato, Euterpe. and the divine
Potvmnia. Some of them attain GER
Tin decree of proficiency, and reap
r;cb harvest thereby. Their voice has
:. trao;c ring, their gestui g are moving.
.h.;,. ballads enelant seamstresses, SER
.,.rt maids and children at the open
,v:ndows. and down come the cooners
~, .he spavement of the court fellow.
sstha,. i,eor, airs of this class attempt in
s.r,,uenral recitals, songs or spoken
: n,,eals. only to Brighten their bearer
AMI levy blackmail on UNIV hing audi
ances Their plan is to excite to re-
s,.ll;on and their harvest, too Is a rich
80. richer of course than that of their
SrlIows, who give at least something in
re, Whsu the professional day is finished
the small army of beggars regain their
s. ,'sr ter for the night. From all parts
~ no.nts of the brick and mortar
bori.on'' they may be seen vending
tba;,. way homeward, their Pockets
,r,sif filed with eros sotss. lneir Iare
a. d;nner, or rather, SUI per, IS coarse |
hut plentiful. save IN certa ca
guy the berga- thinks himself "A
wne.a and. as such. INDUCES in deli
cacies