The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1884-08-20

y
"Yes, they are excellent boots" sal
O the shoe dealer to the young lady pur
: chaser, ''they will wear like iron.
''Do you think the buttons are sewe,
on securely?" she asked. They are
the boots are supplied with the 'ol,
maids wedding button, new inven
ton" why is it called the 'olC
maids wedding button?" "Becaus,
it never comes of.
An Atlantic City paper says that the
greatest sight of the seaside is the boarC
walk in the evenings. The board wall
is new name for skipping out anC
neglecting to see the landlady. The
evening is poor time for board walk
ing. 1t generally occurs later in the
night when the landlady is sweetly
dreaming of the brown stone front she
will buy with her summer profits. -
Brooklyn Times.
Sam Bennett of San Antonio, being
at Galveston a few days ago, went into
a barber shop to get shaved. and while
there got into row with gentleman
who wanted to get his hair trimmed.
They disputed as to who was next
s'Pll see you later" said Sam, 'this is
no place to have difficulty" THAT
just whore you are mistaken. There
can be no more appropriate place than
a barber shop to razor row. ."-IeraS
Sytings.
A talking bore in this city, and a
medical man, caught hold of the button
of a gentleman's S coat the other day,
whom he met on Main street, and held
| him there in conversation. After a
weary time of it, the gentleman took
out his pcnknife and cut the button
from his coat, leaving it in the talking
| bore's hand. He never noticed that his
friend had gone, but with the button
| between his fingers went on talking as
lively as ever Fide Wtngipeg SytingS.
The monk does not always cease to
be man. The members of an orni-
biological congress that was lately held
at Vienna visited, with their wives, the
wealthy Benedictine monastery ut
Melk, on the Donau. The spacious
cloisters. rich dining hall, well filed
library, scientific collections, gardens,
park, the lovely view and generous
collation. raised their admiration to the
utmost. As they left an enthusiastic
lady said to one of the younger monks:
''You are in heaven here" He was
equal to the occasion. 1--WE should
be-" he replied, ''but we lack the an
gels. ."-ArgonGut.
''Is my shaving agreeable to you,
sir?" loquacious barber asked a GUS
toner whom he had been haying alive.
MY wife would admire it very much"
rather indefinitely replied the man un-
der torture. "Ah," said the barber,
with great complacency, "ladies are
often good judges of their husbands
being well shaved. And you think
mine will suit, sir?'' mo doubt of it
in the world. 1t was only this morn
ing that she became angry because |
told her l could not afford to buy her q
spring bonnet and said ought to be
skinned alive" The barber lost him.
self in reflection. Pittsbatrg Chronicle.
Farmer John" Mary, the new hired
man, You know, is German. Well, he
says that he is personally acquainted
with DR.. Koch, the great scientist, and
once did him such a great favor that
he knows that DIR. Koch will be glad to
reciprocate." Mary = "Well, dear,
WAdb VI lGs lOlu ulul W WAAJO W
DR.. Koch for some cholera germs"
Horrors! John, are you crazy?" mo,
dear, but you know cousin Sue in the
city is bound to come here on q visit
with nine of her children. Now, either
we have got to take her or catch the
cholera. Which do you preferP" Send
for the cholera, John. "--PhtLddelphiG
Call
"Are you going to help me put down
the carpets, John?" ''S'pose so; where
is the tack-hammer?' ''tt's in the bar
rel of dishes-no, it isn't-yes, it is
oh. l know now; l put it in bandbox
with your new Sunday hat" 'Just
like woman; never knows where any
thing is; hat ruined, like enough;
where is the handle of tho hammer"
'tOh. l packed that up with china set;
you'll find it, dear, at the bottom of
the box" '.Now, who's going to
stretch this carpet, heyP" Me, dear"
"Well, stand there. Gracious, l can't
pull hundred pounds of dry goods
along with the carpet. Oh, dear! I'm
going to have fit, bolieve." 'Tll
make you a cup of tea, my dear. You
can drink it out of your shaving mug.
II IA W JuSb AA0 pASh4O' OVStVfs
Post
"Once upon time" began the
teacher, 1.-TWO brothers started to Sum-
day school on Sabbath morning. Their
way led by a fine peach orchard, where
the trees were hanging over with ripe,
luscious peaches. One of the boys pro-
posed going into the orchard and get
ting some of the fruit, but the other re-
fused and sped away, leaving his COM
panion greedily devouring the peaches.
Now it happened that the owner of the
orchard saw them, and the next day
rewarded the good boy who refused to
steal his peaches by giving him so
cents. He got prize for his honesty,
and what do you suppose the other boy
got for his dishonesty" ''He got the
peachesI" yelled every member of the
class, and another penitentiary story
was brought to a lose.-AhGntG Con-
stitlGti0n.
Big words: 1t is never well to use
big words when small ones will express
the same meaning, A lady who was
making a call on some acquaintances
observed that the furniture had been
changed, and remarked to the lady:
''You have been metamorphosed, have
you not?" tsY-e-s." said the other hes
itatingly. '.You mean calcimined,
suppose; it looks much better, doesn't
it?' '.What caused your little boys
siekness?" asked plain mother of
mother whose little son was quite Ill
He was climbing ladder, was the
reply, s'and lost his equilibrium.
Poor little fellow said the sympa-
thising mother; ''do buy him another;
he viii be more careful next timer'
"Did you find the people indigentr'
inquired 4 clergyman of q wealthy
member Of his church, who had been
calling on some very poor families.
s.Oh, dear, no, y answered the lady;
they were respectable. but poor as
pcverty.n-N 7. Observer
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