The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-24
marx TWAIN.
9hs Noble LA ,ean.


Printed from the Buffalo Express.
The noble Red Man has always been
darling of mine. I love to read about
him in tales and legends and romances.
I love to read Of his inspired sagacity :;
and his love Of the wild free mountain
and forest; and his grand truthfulness,
his hatred of treachery, and his general
nobility of character; and his stately
metaphorical manner Of speech; and his
ohivalrouslove for his dusky maiden and
the picturesque pomp Of his dress and
accoutrement: Especially the pictures
que pomp OF his dress and accoutrement.
When 1 found the shops at Niagara
Falls full Of dainty Indian bead-work,
and stunning moccasions, and equal
~ stunning toy figures representing
human beings who carried their weapons
in holes bored through their arms and
bodies, and had feet shaped like pie, I
was filled with emotion. knew that
now, at last, I was going to come face
to face with the Noble Red Man. A
lady clerk in shop told me, indeed
that all her grand array of curiosities
were made by tho Indians, and that
there were plenty about the Falls, and
that they were friendly and would not
be dangerous to speak to them. And
sure enough, as approached the bridge
leading over to Luna Island, 1 came
Upon q noble old son of the forest sit
ting under tree, diligently at work on
a bead riticule. He wore SLOUGH hat
and brogans, and had short black pipe
in his mouth: Thus does the baneful
contact with our effeminate civilization
dilute the picturesque pomp which is so
natural to the Indian when far removed
from US in his native haunts, I addressed
the relic as follows:
rs the Wawhoo- Wang Wang of the
Wack' a. Whack happy? Does the great
Speckled Thunder sigh for the war
path, or is. his heart contented with
dreaming of his dusky maiden, the Pride
of the Forest? Does the mighty sachem
yearn to drink the blood of his enemies,
or is he satisfied to make bead reticules
for the papooses of the pale face
Speak, sublime relic of by-gone gran
de,lr-venerable ruin, speak,"
The relic said:
AN is it nesilf, Dinnis Hooligan,
that ye'd be takin for o bloody Injin,
re drawlin', lantern jawed, spider
legged divil! By the piper that played
before Moses, I'll ate vel"
| went away from there.
Bye and bye, in the neighborhood of
the Terrapin Tower, I came upon a
gentle daughter of the aborigines, in
fringed and beaded buckskin moccasins,
and leggins, seated on q bench with her
pretty wares about her: She had Just
carved out wooden chief that had a
strong family resemblance to clothes
pin, and was now boring hole through
his abdomen to put his bow through.
hesitated q moment and then ad-
dressed her:
us the heart of the forest maiden
heavy? Is the Laughing Tadpole love-
~? Does she mourn over the extin-
guished glory of her ancestors? Or
does her sad spirit wander afar toward
the hunting grounds whittier her brave
Observation-Disclosures is gone
Why is my daughter silent? Has she
aught against the pale-face stranger ?"
The maiden said:
FAX, an is it Biddy Malone ye dare
to be calm names! Lave this or I'll
shy your lean carcass over the catharact,
ye sniveling blagyard!"
I adjourned from there, also. Con
found these Indians, said, "they told
me they were tame-but, if ap pear
ances should 60 for anything, should
say they were all on the war path"
I made one more attempt to frater-
nize with them, and only one. I came
upon camp of them gathered in the
shade of great tree, making wampum
and moccasins, and addressed them in
the language of friendship:
'Noble Red Men, Braves, Grand
Sachems, War Chiefs, Squaws, and
High-you- Muck-a- Mucks, the pale face
from the land of the setting sun greets
you. You. Bene6cent Polecat-you,
Devourer- Of Mountains-you, Roaring
Ihundergust-you, Bullyboye-with-
Glass-Eye-the pale face from beyond
the great waters greets you all! War
and pestilence have thinned your ranks
and destroyed your once proud nation.
Poker, and seven-up, and vain mod
ern expense for soap, unknown to your
glorious ancestors, have depleted your
purses. Appropriating in your simpli-
city the property of others has gotten
you into trouble. Misrepresentina
facts, in your sinless innocences has
damaged your reputation with the soul.
less usurper; Trading for 4o-rod
whisky to enable you to get drunk and
be happy and tomahawk your families,
has played the everlasting mischief with
the picturesque pomp of your dress, and
here you are, in the broad light Of the
10Th century, gotten up like the ragtag
and bobtail of the purlieus of New York
For shamel Remember your ancestors
Recall their mighty deeds! Remember
Uncas and Red Jacket!-and Hole.
he-Day-and Horace Greeley! EN-
ulate their achievements! Unfurl your
~ 90 uAA~&OA NY Os>AA0As AOOAo o0VoHCb,
illustrious gutter snipes-"
"Down wild him!"
"Scoop the blagyard!"
Hang him."
Burn him!"
'Dhrownd him!"
It was the quickest operation that
ever was. I simply saw a sudden flash
n the air of clubs, brickbats. fists, bead
baskets, and moccasins-a single flash
and they all appeared to hit me at once,
and no two of them in the same place.
In the next instant the entire tribe was
upon me. They tore all the clothes
of. me. They broke my arms and legs,
and they gave me thump that denied
the top Of my head till it would hold
coffee like a saucer; and, to crown
their disgraceful proceedings and add
insult to injury, they threw me over
the Horseshoe Fall and I got wet.
About 80 or 100 feet from the top the
remains of my vest caught on a project
ing rock and ! was almost drowned be-
fore I could get loose. I finally fell,
and brOupht nm in a world of white