Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-12-25
WIT AND HUNfOR.


Just show me Ke-lung ana Sinoon-chow;
And where, Owhcre. can he kin-tr-clsng
Chow-choo. Chanr-chow, and where Chu-o0
Is Hing-wha far from Old Nen-pnef
In by-gone times men thought it
good plan to .take time BY the lore
lock. !" The revised edition says We
should take time by the bang. life
A county surveyor in Indiana has
siX-mile ditch to survey, and has had,
for over two years, but an old woman
and two bulldogs have blocked the
way and baified all his efforts to get
tie line through. The Governor is now
asked TO call out the troops.
Teacher 1--WE will conduct the Ger.
man recitation to-day by asking each
other questions. "Now, VIE alt sind
sieg' y Girls echtzehn iahre"
Teache. every Good Now ask me 8
question Girl-"W'ie alt sind sie?''
Teacher Leave the room at once"
Dennis Gin sewer trying to light his
pipe)-Lasht night l sot up wild Mick
Mulyaney (puA, puffy, and he W Is very
Sick (pufi, puff. Along about
O'Clock in the mornin' (puff, puff,
Mick he died (puff, puffy -Amosht"
Great relief of Mr.. Hooley on the bank.
-Hayper,S Bazar.
The act came TO a close, and the two
gentlemen rose, left their wives and re-
tired to the lobby to obtain the latest
quotations concerning lime juice Mrs.
Brown remarked casually TO Mrs.
Smith: 'Does your husband often 90
out between actsp' mo, but he al
ways comes in between drinks. ''-San
Francisco Post.
1t is related that certain German
maiden once presided at u mineral
water fountain at which there were only
two kinds Of syrup-vanilla and lemon.
To her came young man who said ~
want a glass OF soda without syrup.
"Ya,' replied Katrina, "boot vot Kind
of siroop you want mitout--mitout va
nilla or mitout lemon.
In a single game Of lacrosse at
Toronto the other day one man was
Knocked senseless, a second had a
thumb broken, and third injured his
collar-bone. and fourth broke his arm.
Why don't people let those barbarous
Indian games alone and 60 in for
something civilized? Now, i'm baseball
no one gets hurt but the umpire.
"Have you seen the latest thing
out?" eagerly cried Mrs. Flapoyer,
rushing into Mrs. Fitzgoober S sitting
room, with a bundle in her arms. "
Eyes, sadly answered Mrs. Fitz-
goober, II saw it last night what
is ftp" asked the visitor in surprise
'My husba d; he didn't get in till
nearly daylight, "-Aha,ata Co1stttu-
ton.
A Paris gentleman who ten years ago
was wealthy and bathed in a solid
silver bath-tub, is now helpless para
lytic, covered with rags, and consumed
with 4 rage for tobacco. 1t serves him
battle in simple malachite bath-tub
lined with gold, such as American edi-
tors use, should be rebuked by some
means or other. -SVtjAgS.
A Boston woman has launched new
word upon the sea of language, to-wit:
''Bachelettes, meaning single women
who have cen left out in the cold W tn
nobody to warm their feet on The
word has pretty sound and rhymes
well with pantalettes and pets. Bacha-
letteS, here's to you; may You and the
the bachelors strike hands en- masse be-
fore leap year is ended.-Fcc5's Slam
$50 Brown has had his leg amputa-
tated?" "Yes, poor fellow! II was
cut off last week "Aad how does he
stand it? Does he suffer much pain?''
II believe not. What's strange
They probably keep him under the in
fluence of drugs, don't theyP' ~ think
they stopped that treatment last We'd
nesday. - "Why did they stop on that
particular day?" That's the day he
died. '-A. T. Graptic
"WeI, Hubby, how did you enjoy
the seryic this morning. 80 tell
the truth darling, l didn't take much
interest in it. ! could hardly hear
word of the sermon "Why, J heard
it perfectly. What was the matter?"
"Well, don't know. 1t may have
been because your new bonnet was so
loud. And then a silence fell on the
dinner table, so intense that you could
hear the ice-cream. albany Journal
II see, he said, as he folded up his
paper, that the Louisville q Nashville
Railroad wants further financial relief
"Does it, replied the other, rs his hand
involuntarily went up to his pocket
book. yes, needs it bad. We'll,
I'm sorry, and hope they won't blame
me. That stock has shrUnk me out Of
over Sl2,O00 in the last five years, and
/ don't know what else l can do. That's
all had to lose. VAL street Nelcs.
This is certainly a progressive age.
Not only are the receptacles for drinks
made in the form of opera glasses, par
asol handles. and even prayer books,
so that bibulous ladies may indulge in
n nip nearly everywhere and at any
time, but prayer books are now made
with small magnifylng glasses deity
inserted in the covers, so thr' when q
lady at church appears to be most de-
vout she may simply be taking an in
ventory of the various styles of bonnets
around her Pi9S519y Chronicle Tele-
graph.
General Grant viii be paid $4,000
for his magazine article on the war.