Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-03-14
FUN
Things that Don't Seem Right to Brother
Gardner.

Things that Don't Seem Right to Brother
Gardner.
''Dar am seb'ral things that doan't
look 'zactly right to me-" said Brother
Gardner, as he rabbed his bald head with
one hand and opened the meeting with
the other.
sit doan't look 'zackly right to see one
man with ten millyon dollars an an0der
with only ten cents, applause by Samuel
Shin, but yit if wus de ten millyon dol
lar man wouldn't keer wheder it looked
right or not.' Sudden end to the ap-
plause.]
cit doant look 'zackly right fur one
man to own great foundry, while anoder
man am obleeged to work fur him fur two
dollars day, ('Herel here!' from Judge
Cadaver). but if was de two dollars
day man I wouldn't frow myself out of
Job to spite de owner or to please dema-
gogue." The Judge subsidized
ut doan't look 'zackly right to Gee one
man hold offs all de time, while anoder
man has to shove jack-plance fur libin'
(great rustic In Pickle Smiths corner).
but he who shoves de jack-piane has de
respeck of de community an keeps outer
jail" Rustic dies away.]
ut doesn It look 'zackly right to see fo'ty
lawyers rush to defend criminal who has
stolen money in his pockets, while de Of
fender who am moneyless am left to dig
his way frew ten foot wall wild an ole
knife-blade (grins on dozen faces, but
if was lawyer [ should airn my money
any odder way except by sawin' wood. De
public doan't look fur any pertlckler dis
play oh conscience on de part OBJ lawyers.
an darfore suffer no appointments"
[Grins no longer observable
ut doan It look 'zactfy right fur one
man to have big brick mouse an anoder
man rough bod shanty, but long bout
tax time de man in de shanty kin sit on
de fence an chuckle over de fack dat he
hain't rich.
ut doau't look 'zaetly right to see one
man 60 pushin' an swellin' an crowdin'
everybody else off de sidewalk to let de
public know dat he am king bee, but
such men have to carry de anxiety Of be-
ia debt to de tailor, an of dodgin de
grocer an of subscribing twenty-five dol
lars to build church wldout hope of
bein' able to pay ten cents on de dollar.
''In fack, my friends, dar am heaps an
heaps o. things dat doan't look 'zsctly
right to US at fust glance, but when ye
60 to flgger it up an divide an substract
we've all got heap to be thankful fur
an to encourage US to git up airly in the
mornin'. A man kin brace his legs an
lay back like q mule. an kick away at de
hull world an hate eberybody an be ha-
ted in return, or he kin pick up sartin
crumbs 0 consolashun, crowd into seat
In de back end of de wagin, an take a
heap O. comfort, KNOWN dat somebody
is wuss off dan himself. Let us accumu-
late to bizness. ''-Detrot Free Press.
A CHICAGO COUPLE" Why is my
darling so sad tonight ?"
II cannot help thinking, my own, that
when you are my husband you may be
less devoted than now"
How could be, my peerless queen ?
l swear by yonder MOON
"Oh. swear not by the moon, the incon-
slant moon"
81 swear by yon bright star looking
down on"
mo, no. That star is a planet and
changes with each passing season.
Then, precious one, what shall Iswear
by?"
'Swear by the pork crop. That never
fails. Philadelphia Call.
'Oh, dear, believe 1 should faint if a
man asked me to marry him ~ said gid
dy. gushing damsel. "Never fear,' re-
torted her practical grandmother. You
might possibly faint, but if you wanted
him you'd manage to say yes before you
did sou
When young woman trips dainty into
the parlor and explains her delayed ap-
pearance by remark ing that she had been
''helplng mamma wipe the Dishes" it is
pretty hard to refrain from proposing on
the spot; but 60 slow, my boy, 90 slow.
She may be fooling thee.
''Don't you love her still 20 aske the
judge of a Yorkshireman who wanted
divorce. Certainly 1 do" said he; 81
love her better still than any other way
but the trouble is she will never be STILL"
The judge, who is married man himself,
is considering the case
Our national currency is said to be poi
sonous from being colored with Arsenic
That's where the poor editors revenge
comes in. He do sen It have to handle the
stuff.
The marriage certificates is one of the
few moose papers that have not declined
in price.
London has weekly paper devoted to
balloonipg matters-the Aeronaut. 1t is
probably published on fly paper.
How does sailor know there is man
in the moon2 Because he has been to sea
(see).
Why may the popular felt hats be called
wide awake? Because they never had
mar.
Why ought we to have dates at out
finger ENDS Because they grow upon the |
palm.