Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-10-22
WANTED, A WIFE.


Jack Horribly, of Brazenface College,
Oxford, had just finished his usual after
breakfast pipe, on the last day of the
summer term, 1880, when his attention
was arrested by a sharp rap at his door,
Immediately followed by the entrance
of the well-dressed person of his college
friend, Methven.
"Come along in said Horribly, ''and
light yourself n pipe"
mo, thank We, cant stop" replied
Methven, las / have lot TO do this
morning; but / thought would just
run across and tell you a bit of news.
have just arranged glorious hoax, at
the expense, need hardly say, of old
Crofton. He has become too cute late
ly to be caught by our old time honorcd
jokes, and so have arranged the fol-
lowing plan: A week ago | inserted in
the agony column of the Morning nj
CerttSer II glowing matrimonial advcr-
tisement, in which / stated that the adj
vertiser, who was handsome, rich and
all that sort of thing, desired TO meet
with n pretty and accomplished girl
with view to matrimony. All appli-
cants were to send their photographs
the replies to be sent to Ii. c., No. 151
st. Giles, Oxford that's the house
where my scout lives, and so, of course,
/ told him to bring me any letters thus
addressed. l got no reply for n day or
So but four days ago received n letter
from n certain damsel, who described
herself as young, handsome and accom-
plished, incloscd me the photograph of
a very pretty girl, ended by asking
me when and WHORE L should meet her
in town, and signed herself Miss l.. Ber-
nard, Piccadilly Circus Post-oil,e; she
also expressed desire to have the adj
vertiser's photograph, so l promptly
sent her that of old Crofton, which he
had lately given me, and said | would
write tonight when and where / should
meet her; so my scheme is, TO somehow
induce Crofton TO meet this girl; she
will of course recognize him by the
photograph | have sent, will probably
rush into his arms, the kangaroo will
be utterly overpowered, and there will
be an interesting deR0uemcm. Now,
Horribly, don't you think that mag
nilicent piece of Strategy
mo, indeed, 1 DON'T" said Hornby;
Il think it is an internal shame; and,
what's more, L have half mind to 90
and tell the Kangaroo of the hoax
"Oh, come now" said Methven,
"you'd never do that, Jack, know.
Well! can't stay any longer, so good
bye for the present"
There is not the very slightest doubt
that, if the fates had not interviewed,
Hornby would have gone straight TO
Crofton and warned him OF the impend-
s,xa. al Il al
have been written; but, as it happened,
no sooner had Mcthven gone out OF
Hornby's rooms than in rushed the Sec
rotary of the College Cricket Club in n
state of breathless anxiety; there was n
match at 11:30; it was now eleven
o'clock, and he could get together only
eight men. So Horribly was promptly
enlisted, and by the time the match was
over Methven and his scheme had en-
tircly faded from his not too retentive
memory. Methven, in the meantime,
had gone straight to Crofton's rooms.
Now, this Crofton, who was about to
fall victim to Methven's wiles, was
the son of large Australian sheep
farmer. and had come up to Brazen-
face the previous October. Like most
colonists who have not been to school
in England, he was very simple and I'M
sophisticated; and though the kangaroo,
as he was generally called, was very
popular, he was constantly being made
the victim of small practical jokes, most
of which were originated by Methven,
who was the professional hoaxer of
Brazenfacc. He always forgave them
heartily, and joined in the laugh HIM
en1f 10
dence in college had opened his eyes q
little, and being naturally anything but
fool, his friends found il not quite so
easy to take him in now, rs it used to
be, and several attempts having lately
failed, Methven, TO sustain his dwin-
ding reputation as q joker, had con-
cocted the plan he had just disclosed to
Hornby. He found the genial giant
busily packing his traps ready for going
down the next day. After chatting a
moment or two the tempter began:
"As you're going to town tomorrow,
] want you TO do me little favor. 1
promised TO meet girl, cousin of
mine, tomorrow. We each had got
an order for the House OF Commons,
and was to have escorted her, and rs
we meant to have little lunch together
at Lucas before we went in, we had ar
ranged TO meet at quarter past two at
the Westminster Bridge landing pior.
that being place where we cou' DIN pos
sibly miss each other Now, as bad luck
will have il the dean has sent for me to
see him after collections, so that ] can't
let the girl know, because she's away
on visit for day or two to some
friends, whose address have forgotten,
and shc won't return home till after
she's been to the House. Now, l don't
want the poor child 10 wait an hour for
me, so would you mind going there at q
quarter past two and telling her can't
come. because of that bcastly deanP
And SO that you can't mistake her,
I've brought you her photograph. By
the-by, her names Miss Bernard.
Now will this be too much trouble for
youP"
'Oh, not bit," said Crofton, 81
shall be delighted.
"Wcll, remember, Westminster land
ing pier, ats quarter past two! And
now, goodbye, and a pleasant long to
YOU"
| A~sl..~. I..-l1. n .~.tl L.