Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-08-30
A TRAINED FLY.
Which is Thoughtful Enough to Wake His
Master Every Morning.
Philadelphia Times


beer and of blowing OF froth could moi
soak. Millions of ifs staggered over
1t with wide-open mouths and drunk
the sticky fluid. Thou sands of flies, with
a drunken buzz in their wings, circled
tipsily at height of about two inches
above it, and strove in vain 70 get I.t-
tie higher. Hundreds cf other flies Law
on their backs in the corners, with their
legs either waving deliricrsly in the air
or folded Imply across their stomachs.
They were sleeping a drunken sleep
from which they world never awake.
After the bartendesstLe oyster-open-
er, and their customersj,ad contemplat-
ed the awful sight long enough to take
warning from it, the bartender remark
ed: when it's quiet here you can hear
all them live flies suc1in' beer-sounds
like man goin' for the last drop in a
lemonade glass. Then I've heard them
drunken flies snorinslike tramps in an
alley. But if it wasn't for the vicious
practices of them bum flies Eillin' 'em
they'd drive us out"
| 81 do not like to hear such talk about
flies" said man who had beef. imbib-
ing beer by himself at one end of the
bar. Il have little ty of my own at
home that l love-"
Everybody turned and looked at the
speaker. He was very fat man, with
a red face and black chi1-beard. He
wore an imitation seer-sucker coat
VIII ch was open acfoeEa vast expanse
of limp shirt bosom.
Give the gentleman a pint of them
large blue-bottles, George" said the bar
tender, sarcasticalfy. to the oyster-open.
er. The fat man wiped the perspiration
invoked b. eight glasses of imported
Kaiser from his 9 fotehead and calmly
continued: ~
II am from Frankford."
'That settles itr' said the bartender.
who Immediately began to wipe glasses
and appeared to losa aiiinterets IN the
fat mans narrative. The latter paid
no attention to thesight, but went on:
Il do not want a pint of dissolute
blue-bottles. l only allow one fly in my
oomr He is temperate fly. He has
to be. Attention to his duties demands
it. He is trained fly"
Trained for what?" ask Seventh
ward politician; "pianner playin'?"
"No; trained to wake me up in the
morning"
"Sho" said the bartender, with re-
awakened interest.
at is a fact" said the Frankford man.
81 have been the victim of fover-sleeping
all my life. lost position as conduc.
tor on the Pennsylvania railroad because
never could wake up n time to take
an early train out. also lost the hand
and prospects of a.. wealthy farmers |
daughter because / didn't wake up in
time to be married, and so disgraced the |
girl by not appearing at the church. l |
have tried ailremedies, even to sitting |
up all night. Expressly picked out |
my present clearinghouse because tte |
land-lady sai6 that she bad chamber |
maid who could remember to wake up |
the boarders. This, of course, was un-
true. / tried an alarm clock once. Af- |
ter the first. morning it didn't phaze
me.
Last annum found this fly. 1 call
him Dicky. He was poor, starved,
frozen little morsel, lying more
than half dead on the window-sill
of my clearinghouse dining-room. l
laid a drop of hot soup beside him on
the sill. He give a grateful buzz and
ate his way through the soup. Ever af-
ter that he Fl W and perched affection
ately on my nose at meal time, and in
stead of helpiDy himself from my plate
waited for n to feed him.
IL began to realize that the singular
and regularity of that fly
might prove him TO be the cure for my
fatal sleepiness. / took him to my room
and imprisonedsbim, without food, for a
day in bottle. Wa@n il grew dark
took the cork out and left him free to
come out as soon as daylight came.
relied on his hunger 10 drive him to me
for food. i was night, In the mcrning
l grew dimly conscious of an Unusual
noise. 1t sounded like a far-off saw
uiiIl. TI5t L bCdIu D III OHt ear UDen |
in the other. 1t balf-awakeHed me.
Then l felt tickling sensation on my
nose. 1 was about TO let out terrific
slap toward the sensation when l re-
membered my fly. l at once dressed
and went to breakfast with him.
81 was oversoy ID. The next day,
however, was a disappointment. Dicky
had so gorged himself after his fast that
he too oversight himself Again Istarv-
ed hm. Again he awakened me. This
thing kept up week. Only on alter
nate days would he waken me up. At
the ED of that fime he had entered
into my scheme. ana since then he has
never missed q day, He arises as soon
rs daylight enters the room. By a SIM
pie but ingenioIs device l have fixed
my window Shades so that it comes in
ust when I-enrtit. You see"
The man zIronl Frapkford turned
Everybody bad lef; the room except the
yho was snoring behind the
oar. -
"Good-byeI2 sstd tie Frankferd man:
4 must hurry hons 10 give Dicky his
supper" II