Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-07-23
PLEASANTRIES.

1uZoQ land N rr1SUOWn h0ralu.
81 NEVER was so put out in my hfe,"
as the young man remarked after land
ing on the sidewalk just subsequent to
the appearance of the old gentleman.
: Boston Transcript.
do you have many zephyrs like
this?" asked facetious New Yorker of
Western man just after a cyclone.
"Oh, yes, it happens zephyry week or
so."- Merchant Traveller.
"I SHOULD like to see somebody alb
duct me-" said Mrs. Smith at the break
fast table the other morning. "H'ml
so should I, my dear, so should l." said
Mr.. Smith, with exceeding earnestness.
PooTs, who lives in Cumminsville,
was asked, the other day, where he
would spend the summer. Summer
about here" was the old mans laconic
reioinder.-[ Cincinnati Saturday Night.
A CHAP from the country, stopping at
one of the hotels, sat down to dinner.
Upon the bill of fare being handed to
him by the waiter, he remarked that he
"didnt care bout readin' now-he'd
wait till after dinner"
FoGG-"For heavens sake, how much
more are you going to eat of that salad?
You've Put away half gallon of it
already" Henderson -"Nonsense, I've
only eaten a mouthful." "That's what I
said Boston Transcript.
AUGUsTUs-"By Jove, love the
very ground that girl walks on"
George-@Ohl I guess you are not so
far gone as that" Augustus Well,
why shouldn't beP That ground is
worth ST 900 running foot"
"THEY say baseball is taking the place
of bull-fghts in Spain, said Mrs. Crack
bone; "but I do not think the flannel
shirted pitcher can ever be as romantic
as she gallant cuspidore in his red
jacket" > Boston Commercial Bull
letin.
SUNDAY morning in the country:
"You had etter make haste with your
breakfast, Deacon" said his wife, cor
we'll be late to church. Don'tyou want
cup of coffee?" "No, 1 guess not. the
good old deacon replied. Coffee keeps
me awake"
FORTH merchants of an Illinois town,
to give the place dignity, have agreed
to wear high silk hats. In Illinois
towns, where the bar-room doors are
not too low, high silk hats are by no
means uncommon Louisville Cour-
Ter Journal.
SEVEN and a half millions of people
in France register themselves as having
no religion. That is rather singular.
Only seven and half millionsi We
somehow had an impression that nobody
in France had any religion Burling-
ton Hawkeye.
A ~o-oo~4o 4Ia4
Warren has been sued for breach of
promise by young lady, and the let
tiers abound in OSCILLATION" She has
evidently been seeking the bubble rep
utstion at the Canon's mouth Roch-
ester Post-E2press.
''WHAE do you charge quart for your
milk heref" asked man, as he put his
head in at the door of milk-shop.
Eight cents" was the reply. Saint
you got any for seven centsP" @No,"
said the proprietor; but" he added,
''we can make you some."
ADMIRn&a ceusin-"What are you
going to do, Tom, now you're through
college?" Tom (who wished to be
cynical -'sOh, I shall stand aside and
let the world roll on" Admiring
cousin charmed -"Why, that's very
kind of yoz, Tom Harvard Lam
poon.
E7KEEPER-"John, what
kind of meat to-day?" Steward-"V
sir" "Only Eeal?" eyes, SIR" Then
he sat down and wrote on the bill OF
fare: Chicken potpie, chicken salad,
Irish stew, roast veal, beef q La mode;
corn beef hash, veal potpie."- New
York Graphic.
sPATIENT: Doctor, want you to pre-
scribe for me-" Doctor latter feeling of
her pulse): "Theue is nothing the mat
ter, madam. All you need is rest"
Patient: "Now aren't you mistaken. doc
tor? Please study my case carefully.
Just look at my tongue" Doctor:
''That needs rest, tOo."-LLife.
A MEMBER of the rhetorical class in
certain college had just finished his
defamation, when the professor said:
"Mr--, do you suppose a general
would address his soldiers in the man
ner you spoke that piece?" "Yes, sir,
do" was the reply, eff he was half scared
to death and as nervous as a cat."-l EK-
change.
'AND what's the big fellow with the
red face doing now?" asked an unso-
phigticated country visitor at the opera
"Great goodness, man, shut upl" whis-
pered the other. "That's Picklehomi-
ny, the celebrated tenor, and he's trill-
ing" " h, I thought he was gargling
his throat-it sounds like it, Liver
pool Courier.
"WHAT is this?" asked bore of
Western editor, as he got up to exam
inc long strip of paper pasted on the
minutes for a new dictionary of
prOfaaity2" sob no." replied the edi.