The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-10-17

SudhC DliCo tnuh phOuAo hhC
time come when raw onions are the
only cure for snake bites there will be
afalling off of 80 per cent. in the list
of such casualties in this country
Peck's San. "a
A man went into a hardware shop
the other day and inquired, GLOW
much do you ask for bath-tub for o
childP" Ten and SIX" was the reply.
"W-h-e-wr' whistled the customer.
"We'll have to go on washing the
baby in the coal-scuttle till the prices
come down." ..-..
Mr.. Gladstone lays down the rule
that we must give twenty-five bites to
every mouthful of meat. How would
this rule work at an American railway
stationp A man wouldn't get anything
to eat. But then, come to think of it,
he doesn't get anything to eat there
anyway.-1eras SJtings.
A gentleman whose house was under
repair went ont one day to see how the
work progressed, and, observing a
quantity of nails lying about, he said
to the carpenter, "Why don't you
take care of these nailsp They'll Ger.
tainly be lost" mo" replied the
carpenter; you'll find them in the
bill"
"Will you have some of the dessert,
Mr.. Dumleyp" inquired the landlady.
Dumley politely allowed that he would.
"Do you know" he remarked, as he
gazed at the very narrow little piece OF
whortleberry pie which was sent him,
.'that would hardly call this a DIES.
sert." mo; what would you call itG"
she demanded. "An oasis"
They had been quarrelling about his
next summers clothes. She wanted
him to have his light suit cleaned up
for 1885, and he wanted a heavier suit.
whats the use of fighting about
thisp" he said finally. II may be in
the cemetery next summer" II
think" she replied, ''you may need
your summer clothes wherever you
may be-"
II am sorry to inform you," wrote
son to his mother, "that l have been
arrested for grand larceny" "Ah,
dearie mer' sighed the old lady, plac-
ing the letter on her lap and wiping
her spectacle. Poor boy! l was
afeared suthin' would happen to him
when he went West. Butt am glad it S
grand larceny. There alters was suth-
in noble bout Charles, even when he
was boy"
II was passing your house last even
ing" he went on, land stood at the
gate for moment to hear you play. L
think you are improving if any i'm
provement is possible, he added polite
iy. Last EVENING"" she asked. Eyes;
about o'clock. you are mistaken.
/ was at the opera last evening"" she
said in a strained voice, as she accept
ed an invitation to dance from another
gentleman. 1T was the man tuning
the piano you heard"
Blossum was calling on Miss Arabcl-
Ia, but as the latter's young brother
persisted in staying in the parlor the
conversation seemed to flag. Finally
in desperation Blossum drew out his
watch, and in order to break the pain
full silence, asked: "Miss Arabella, can
you tell me what-that Is when--I
mean do you know why your face is
like the face of this watche" II reck-
on" interrupted the Soungster, "it Is
because it is enameled,' but when the
matinee between brother and sister
had closed Blossum was about two
blocks away.
'.Iaura, dear, wish you would pay
more attention to young Mr.. Nickel
plate. I'm sure he is most excellent
young man, and you are allowing the
Joyce girls to monopolize entirely too
much of his attention" "Why, moth
er, he Is a perfect boor. He knows alb
solately nothing; he can't speak sim
gle sentence dramatically, he cts with
bis knife, and picks his teeth at the la
ble." "Tut, tut, Laura. A girl who
has reached the age of 26 should have
better sense than to notice such trivial
idiosyncrasies."
There Is a young lady who lives ne&'
door to Blogg's house, and while BlegT
had company the other evening she
was heard in her endeaSors 10 extor'
music from piano. Our heighbor's
daughter is a very good player" re
marked Bogg, affab1y, during pause
| in the conversation. "Her time is 6
! little slow" was the critical response O
Bogg's caller, who happened to be {
connoisseur in music. EYES," sale
Blogg, cher young man is there, ant
very likely she has set the clock back. '
-LotUeU Citizen.
Clementina and Algernon had onl,
been married sixty-six hours when !
catastrophe occurred. On the thirt
evening of the honeymoon, as the,
paced Ramsgate Pier, Clementina re
marked in her poetic little way: AL
gernon, think the most lovely compo
sition of art and nature, after a well
dressed woman, is a well-drcssed-'
"Man" interrupted Algernon, "Crab'
continued Clementina, utterly ignorin.
her youthful husbands suggestion
land we will have one for supper to
night" Algernon was not half a
sympathetic as he might have bee
when he got up at a. IN. to fetch
doctor.
They were coming out of the Acade
my after the day session of the Scienc