Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-06-20
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.
A fly time-Summer.


A Western exchange asks, "What is the
similarity between lilies and dead cats ?"
You can always tell where they are by the
smell.
A young man wants to know what will
bring out a moustache. Tie cord around
it tightly, hitch the cord to q fence post, and
then run backwards.
An Englishman has written book on the
danger of yawnng. Seventy-fve copies
have been ordered for the Concord summer
school of philosophy.
The latest craze is for collecting dogs
made out of all sorts of unique material, pot
terry, glass, wood, paper, etc. We should
think string of sausage meat would be just
the thing.
A school teacher in Lawrence, Mass, re-
Gently fell heir to 100000. She immediate
ly bought ton of pure, assorted spruce
gum, and retired for the rest of her life.
The latest triumph 10 science is said to lie
muscle reading. 1t is claimed that any exer-
ten of the mind produces muscular con-
traction, and by placing himself in immedi-
ate contact with the person, the muscle
reader can tell what such person is thinking
about. This is why the young man sits so
close to the young lady on the sofa. He
wants to know what she is thinking about.
New York papers arc urging the others
to be saving of water. We never thought
that it would come to this in New York.
III sing not since | found my love-" war;
bles poet. lie evidently has to hump him
self to pay for groceries and house rent.
'Mayn't have beau, ?" asked lit
tie Burlington girl. "Why, you aren't in
your teens yeti" was the laughing reply.
eyes, am, mamma. am IN my sateens D."
''Our cook ought to be burned at the
steak !" exclaimed Popiniay, as particular
ly nice cut came in from the kitchen burned
to crisp.
Osman Digna is said to have only one
wife. This should not be imputed to him
for any laudablc virtue, for the truth is he
got 80 far and concluded 1t would be prudent
to stop and think awhile.
Some of Meissonier's models, it is said, ARE
compelled to retain the same positions fer
six hours at time. Almost as long as
well regulated family can persuade a ser
want girl to retain her position, in these days
of culinary competition.
The New England Association of under
takers recently took an excursion to Niagara
Falls. They wanted to see how the cab
charges there compared with their own.
The average income in Kamschatka is 81
per year. The prevailing question in the
correspondents columns of the newspapers
there is, "Would it be advisable for young
man to marry on salary of seven and four
sixths cents q week p
An enthusiastic fisherman was dining at
| the house of friend, where, among other
deicacies, a dish of rather wormy berries
was served. The fisherman carefully sorted
out the living from the dead, and, the ber-
rics being pretty good, passed his saucer fer
more. lie had just been telling fish story,
and, as he looked over at the berries and
raised his dish, he said, absent mindedly,-
Pass the bait-box, please )" and then, read
ing his mistake in the bushes Of his hostess,
he stammored,-"I-Ib beg your pardon l
i mean | would like some more of the
worms, if you please"
Hard workers are never troubled with
insomnia" says physician. Anyone who
can't sleep nights had better engage IN poll
tics during the present campaign.
An exchange says that bores are killing
the pine trees of North Carolina This
seems to be the only respec. in which editors
and pine trees are alike.
While a wedding reception was in progress
in the house of Mr.. Henry Zipp in Hopkins
street, New York, on Sunday evening, four
roughs entered and proceeded to help them
selves to the refreshments. They were just
constructing derrick to lift the wedding
cake with, when the police arrived and drove
them off,
Boston ladies call their spouses hubby,
not as a term Of endearment, but because it
seems to remind them Of the relation of Bos-
ton to the rest of the universe.
Fifteen Massachusetts girls are to tramp
three hundred miles through the Adirondack
this summer. Young sportsmen will be
glad to know that there is no close season
on this kind of dear.
1t is announced that Howells is going tc
publish new novel entitled Pound Notes.
The heroine is probably a devoted pianiste.
"Does your head ever swim, Mr. sniff
/ kins ?" asked little Tom Popiniay of his sis
, ters beau. Eyes, Tommy, l suffer occas'
ionally from Dizziness replied the slim
81 thought So" said Tommy ''Pa SAID he'c
pitch you into the horse pond, only YOU
head would keep you from sinking"
Hammocks are very popular with young
ladies this year. since the change of fashion
in stockings was made.
A rural correspondent wishes TO know the
best way to mark animals. We have trlec
great many different ways OF marking
animals that crme upon our premises, anc
find the most effective to be shot holes.
"No, she is not what you would call
pretty girl" said young man to his com
t plniJn ''but she Is beautiful to me because
she has lovely soul" 81 never thought I;
OF