davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28
Nan and His ,Miscrics,

Man that is born Of woman is small
potatoes and few in the hill.
lie rise,h up 10 day and tlourlShclh
ike raewced, and tomorrow or the
day after The undertaken has him in the
ice box.
lie gocth forth in tie morning warb-
ling like lark, and is knocked out in
one round and two seconds.
In the midst of life ne is in debt, and
the tax collector pursucth him wherever
he goes
The banistcr of life is full of splinters,
and he slideth down with considerable
rariGity.
Hc walkelh forth in the bright sun
light to absorb ozone, and mceteth the
bank teller with Il sight draft for S3j1.
He comptE home at eventide and
mc",eth the wheelbarrow in his path, and
the wheelbarrow ri>eth up and smitcth
him 10 the earth, and talleth uron him,
and runncth one Of its legs .ato his ear.
In the gentle spring-time he puttcth
on his summer clothes, and q blizzard
-trikcth him far away from home, and
liIleth him with woe ard rheumatl-m.
lie layeth UP riches in the bank, and
the cashier spocu.atclh in margins and
then gocth to Canada FIR his health.
in the autumn he puttcth nn his winter
trousers, and = wasp that "bideth in them
illcth himself full Of intense excitement.
He sttcth up all night to get the re-
turns from Ohio. and in the eud !carrclh
that the other fellows lave carried it.
He huycli! Il watch dog and when lc
cometh home the wat h-do:- treelh him
and <ittnth beneath hin ur,il rosy morn.
He -oeth 10 the trot and bcttct!i his
mency on the brown Fare. and the bay
gnldinr with q blaze face winne,h.
lie r,arrieth red headed heircss with
a ,yart on her nose. and the next day her
patrrral ancestor goe!h under with few
assets and great liabilities. and comc,h
homo to live with his i'clo.cd son in law.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28
What Death Does.

II does not alice. the moral character,
il cXpcnls its force upon the body, but
works no radical or real change in the
soul. Ii has no power whatever 10 revo-
!u.ionizc tie moral nature-to make it
better or worse. In itself it can neither
make good man better nor bad man
worse. 1t can transfer, but cannot trans.
form. 'IIe that is righteous, let him be
righteous still He that is petty, let
him be-" al death and after, petty still"
Each person now living carries in him
self at this and every moment the essen.
tial elements of either heaven or hell.
By the essential elements we mean, in
both cases, those moral qualities, those
dispositions and affections of the soul,
which fit it for the one or for the other.
Were all at this moment snatched from
time to eternity, such are their moral
characters that they would instantly drop
into their appropriate places. What a
thin partition separates the saint on earth
from the saint in heaven-the sinner in
time from the sinner in eternity.
Death is but the doorkcepcr. lie lifts
TIC ldlCIl tIil IT'S tit Slil 1stlnh Ah''NEH
into the bliss Of the blissful. Death lops
or the body and manumi,s the impris-
ontl spirit.
|. dissolvcs the Christian from this
sinful state and his sinful surroundings,
takes him away from all the hindrances
of earth, and supplies him with all the
helps of heaven. 1t delivers him from
"this body of DEATH" 1t is not the judge
10 acGuit or condemn; only the jailor TO
release. 1t puts the justified beyond the
confines of sin and sense; gives them
absence from the body and presence with
the Lord, but has nothing more than 1t
can do. 1t is Gods porter to lift up the
gates at his bidding. and let the son
Of glory" come in." Why, then, should
the Christian fear the wing that trans.
latcs him from the state of the justified
to that Of the glorilied? Death is
yf.I ~ -
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28

ated upon her own unfortunate alliance
with preacher who imposed upon, her
and had her put into the lnntic asylum.
Finally the gallant colonel limited that
his time was precious and sad he would
take her pamphlc; and refer it to his
lawyer, and if his lawyer said sign II he
would sign it. Then she turned her at
tcntion 10 me and asked ne to sign it
and said was away from home and
didn't live in the country and never
signed such papers until / got Mrs. APPS
consent aud SO took pamphle; to loc,.
at when she opened her grirsack ana
pulled out two books on woman's rights
and wanted to sell them al 81 30 apiece,
but we respectfully declined. | didcnt
want to be buying Chicago books from a
Chicago woman without consulting Mrs.
Arp about it, for Chicago is a bad place
for such literature to come from, and [
was afraid that the book might work up
Il divorce in NY family. Lastly, she
asked Us for dime for the pamphlets,
and NC gave her Il dime and blessing,
and the colonel inimatcd that if she
would depart those coasts size laIght find
more congenial victims.
What comfort it is that we have not
got such women down South, nor such
preachers 10 marry 'en. When told
her that we did not need such laws in
Georgia, that our wives were ali happy
and conten,ed, and when they did not
have laws enough they made them 1T
home, aud when my wife wanted any
thing she simply said, "Ec it enacted,
and i. was enacted ,!raightway and forth
with. The woman looked aslonislicd
and said 1T is not that way where
came from" Maybe it aint.
As she seemed reluctant to 50 the
bencficenI colonel took IN idea That she
was tired and sick, and needed refresh.
meat, and 50 he rung q little bell and
ordered q punch tor the philanthropic
lady but she respectfully declined 10y
saying that she was by no means Old
enough to need Il stiniulant. She was
smart, that woman was-and rs reasonably
gooI looking as a Chicago woman can
be- She would make a good wife for
John Jenkins, who said, II want a wife
old enough TO have se'se, and ugly
enough to stay at home" But Chicago
woman wont stay ut home. She is going
to take the war path anyhow.
BILL. ARP.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28
The Men With the Pig.

4 few day. ago two men, who were
afterwards found to be Detroilcrs, arrived
in 4 town about fifty miles 10 the west of
this, leading 4 pig. 1t WAS perhaps big
enough and heavy enough to be called a
hog, but they termed it p pig and as they
turned it over To the care Of the landlord
ut whose inn they proposed to rest for
the Ugh, one of the men explained
"Be cwful careful with that pig, he's
iaisy--a new breed just from Scotland.
We've sold him to Il farmer ont here for
so, and we don: want anything to hap
pen to him"
The landlord took the pig up, and then
began to think and cogtate and suspect.
When the strangers had gone to bed he
called in some Of the boys, and said
I've twigged the racket; them two
fellow, are >farpers and that's a guessing
pig. Tomorrow they will give you a
chance to guess at hi, weigh. a;ten cents
q GUESS, and you'll be cleaned out--only
yoll won't. As the fellows sleep we will
weigh their pig aud bca, their game
Nobody slept until the pig was taken
over to the scales and weighed. lie
pulled down 10 pounds to a hair, and
the villagers went home and hunted up
their nickcls and dreamed of pigs and
scales and sharpcrs through the remain.
der Of the night.
Next morning the pig was led around
in front, and, before starting of on his
the assembled crowd:
"Gentlcmcn, I'm going to weigh this
pig directly Maybe some Of you would
like 10 gucss on his weight' I'll take
all guesses at ten cents each, and whoer-
er hits it gets fifty cents
This provoked large and selected
stock of winks and smiles, but no one
walked up until the pig man said that
any one person could guess as many
times as lie cared to, provided 4 dime
accompanied each guess. Then rush
set in. Three or four merchants put up
fifty gucsses each. \ justice of the
peace took thirty. \ lawyer said about
twenty would do for him. Before there
wa, any let up in the guessing about 500
had been registered and paid for. Every
soul of 'em guessed at 10 pounds. 1t
was curious what unanimity there was in
til, guessing, but the pig men didn't
seem to notice it. When sll had been
given a chance the pig was led to the
scales, and 10. his weight was exactly
II. pounds
"l'on see, gentlemen" explained the
s1okesman while this animal only
weighs 10 pounds along about II O'Clock
&. night, we feed him about five pounds
of corn meal in the morning before
weighing. You forgot TO take this mat
ter into consideration -
Then somebody kicked the landlord,
and he kicked the justice, and the jus.
ticc kicked :, '.erchant and when the
pig men locked back from distant hill
lie whole town was out kicking itself
ard throwing empty wallets into the
river D,r1H FREE Ire<s.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28

value Of their work, and they should be
neither expected nor allowed to do ques.
tiona1le party service. The interests
of the people will be better protected,
the estimate Of public labor and duty
will be immensely improved, the public
employment will be open TO all who can
demonstrate their fitness to enter ii, un.
secmly scramble for place under tho
Government with The consequent impor-
tunity which enihiltcrs official life vii!
cease. and the puolic departments will
not be filled with those who conceive it
to be their first duty to aid the party to
which they owe their places instead Of
rendering patient and honest return to
TIE people.
THE srATEsMAHSIIIr THE PEOPLE EE.
0ulEi:.
believe that The public temper is
such that the voters Of the land are pre-.
pared TO support the party which gives
the best promise of administering the
Government in the honest, simple and
plain manner which is consistent with its
character and purposes. They have
learned that mystery ana conceAimeht IN
the management Of their affairs cover
tricks and betrayal. The craftsmanship
they require consists in honesty and
t.igality, prompt response to the needs
Of The people as they arise, and the yigi-
LIANT protection Of all their varied inter-
csts.
If I should be called to the Chief
Nlagistracy of the nation by tic suiirages
OF my feiow-citizens I will assume the
duties of that high office with the solemn
determination to dedicate every effort to
my counlry's good, and with an humble
reliance upon the favor and support Of
the Supreme Being who believe will
always bless honest human cndeayor in
the conscientious discharge Of public
duty. GROVER CLEVELAND.
To Col. Wm. +. Villas, chairman, and
d. p. Beslor and others, members of the
Notification Committee Of the Democrat
ic National Convention.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28
kccn disappointment.

-, -, =, ,-,.,,ow
me rnf:i 'ooS'ers VI =. ALL" "A r.
have an cX''!'eu cohceP''o" VI uo'
ern9rs magnitude. come I'!nc ago =
bar9ecae WAS Me!a At Gr"Iu iolh'' anu
among other distinguished ci'izehs lne
Go;ernor agreed to attend. ~ large
crowd assembled, ana when II became
known that the Governor mad arrived
the people were mncn eSc,leu III 'ne'I n,I
an:irty to behold the august ruler. cc olu
caM fel!crs' WAC h"a walked i'tee''
liiIes 10 pe present 'h .''e oecas'on, ';cs.,
turned 10 i 'rleha' a''c' I'll u's'''S'"e'''!
search, an' Saiu: r:,, o.
=" las the Governor so' mere !'.' h''!
Yes, thar he staa'S, talSln 10 'ne
County jcdge.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28
IN Editor i..>l!ltrh.

Editors have to put mp with al nan.
i"r Of taunt> and Insults Not ~ iong
ago, y! y soc;! gathering, IN Austin LADY
said 10 Young man who is connected
with local rar"r:
You ongA' 70 belong to church
choir.
But can't sing VIA, rul thc idea
of my belonging 20 = church choir in'o
yonr head ,"
"Oh. nothing. except that WAS read
ing the other day that Il san Francisco
church proposes 10 introduce harp music
into the choir. and there is not much
difference, you know, between Il harp
and !. Tyre. so ! thought I'd in>t make tho
suggestion. >itin:s.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28
4 Loving Couple.

Mos married folks quarrela more OF
less, remarked Uncle M"-e: but !
Knows man an his VIII" " Lat hasn t
had fuss fur de Ia, five ycahs.
cam dcy libin toseddcr::'
"SartainIy Dey Lbs in dc same
house. She goes oil rrery ma"nln and
washes by de day"
"But p'raps dcy quarrels at night:
How does you know dey don't ~
obey don't hab bit o 'rnbble, tells
yer. She am out wash;n' all day. and
her husband he am night watchman in
biz s,o' on Austin avenue. lie goes oil
before she comes home, and lie don't ~,
back in dc mawnin' on.il she llas gore
out washin'. pat's been goin on FIR j."
las five ycahs, and de fust cross word
hasn', passed between 'cr yit.- T.''@
Tiiu4s.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28

There, Tommy, this is the second
time You lave forgotten the lard. -
Indeed. mother, it WAS 20 greasy that it
sIirpeL olf my mind.
-"You can DO anything ii you have
patience" said an old uncle who had
mad a fortune. to his nephew who had
nearly spent one. Water max c ca:-
ricd in Il sieve il yuu only wait How
long ~ asked thu patient spcndthrft.
Till i, freezes" was tie ccit; reply.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28
Distance to the Stars.

Astronomers haze ascerlained the dis
tance from the earth to many Of the
stars. If We measure these spaces by
miles, they amount to millions and mil.
lions, still multiplied by millions, aud
hence convey no adequate idea TO the
mind; therefore some other mode of
measurement must be used, aud The
velocity Of light is considered the most
convenient. 1t has been proved that
light travels at the rate of $4,000 miles
Il second--that j., between tie ticks OF Il
watch ray Of light would move eight
times round the globe. 1t comes from
the sun to Us, = distance Of 9o,0O0,oO0
miles in eight minutes thus the space
covered over by iay of light in that
time could not be travelled over by our
express trains in less than $50 years.
With this immense velocity it requires
three and half years for the light Of
the nearest star to reach our earth. 1t
requires AZ years for light to reach us
from the North Star, and tonight as we
look at,the northern lumuary, these very
rays of light which make it visible to US,
started out on their journey forty.six
years ago. The light from stars OF the
twelfth magnitude requires $500 years
to reach the earth. And if that beautl-
fnl constellation of the PIeiades were
this moment blotted out Of existence, it
would continue to be visible for 700
years, for such is the time required for
light to travel from that group to us. If
q star oil the twelfth magnitude were
uow destroyed, it would continue to be
visible for 33,540 years. Or if such star
were now created, 2,G0D years would
clapse before it would be percep;ible 10
tie inhabitants of the earth. And soinr
Of the more distant stars are so far away
tia. their light, moving with a velocity
of 1872 900 miles per second, requires so
900 years to reach our eyes. These great
distances are nn. imaginary, but astroao-
mer, have ascei;ancd the distance,
motions and sizes, and even the weights
Of the celestial orbs, with as much GER,
tauty ~ they haze iore:od cclipSe..
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28

= Al Troy, o., 4 lew days ago an old
man, aged ninety two years, va, picked
up sicl; and helpless in a coal yard on
tic outskirts OF the city He was recog-
nized As mi,er and beggar who WAS III
the habit OF begging eggs al farm houses
until he hid collected 4 sufficient mum
Der to dispose Of at neighbor!ns towns.
When hi, clothing WAS removed at the
hospital i! was lnund that he had sowcd
w. in his packets packages containing
Sl,0oD in money, $1,000 in United States
bonds ard 5000 in pronlssory nolc'.
The ni>cr proved 10 be john Swims, Of
Cmempaign County, O., and the owner "i
real estate in several counties.
- a gond wife is Heavens last, best
gift t" man-an angel ot mercy minis
ter OF graces innumcrahic his gem Of
many vir,uc- Ills ca,kcl "i irwel- ;cr
voice his swcc;r-' m@-ic snilcs; his
brightest d.. her kiss HE guardian Of
innocence her arm, the place OF his
safety. The balm Of hi health, the balsam
Of hi, life industry his >ure>t wealth
her economy h.+ safest -tcward-hrr
Ii:s his i:,ilIlni cruu-rl"r her ,n~n'n li'
soitcs; pllow ut Lis oar,'s s-pnd her
PRAYERS the ablc,: adyoc:,t" a. Heaven +,
blessing on his head.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28

..,aong .omc cf The .Afri.au tri''cs
bride; on their wcl'lin@ day haze ;iic'f
from, teeth extracted! The briGrgro"n'@
know Il thin. or two ii they are sasagc4
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-08-28

i!il. rl-rY ~ rl'Ellc >EEvASr>.
The people pay tie WIGS oi the Pub
IT, rrrp! p!oyrc~, and they are entitled |"
tie I..f an,l hphc-t wotk which money
Thu. rai,l should command. |. Is the
,!u;y of those in;ru~!ed ";h III" man
:..cnncn, "f these :..:..r, u see iha' sli'i'
~lhlic.aryicc i fuittcpining. Ihr*elr''-
lion an,. retention of suhoI'linaic> il
Government employment should '.erc!'I
uron their a-ct,tairc,l iitre-' and the
Daily Kennebec journal., 1884-01-05
A Strange Recognition.
A BROTHER AND SISTER MEET IN STATION
HOUSE, AS PRISONERS.

Saturday night, about o'clock, q young
man stupefpd with drink and suffering from
Cold and hunger, was placed in cell at the
Sixth District Station House, Eleventh
street. above Race. Shortly after twelve.
the same night. young woman, frantic with
liquor, and bearing the unmistakable traces
of vice and dissipation upon her countenance,
was arrested near Tenth and Vine streets
and lodged in the same station house. Yes
terday morning when the throng of prisoners
were arrayed before the Magistrate for hear
ing, the young man arrested for intoxication
the night before gave his name as John Cum
nngham.
"My God!" cried the young girl, che 10
my brother" and falling back, she tainted
upon the floor. Thrusting his way through
the crowd the young man bent over the pros
trste form and. glancing at the face rose and
muttered to himself, "She is my sister,"
The hearing of the other prisoners went
on. and when they were finished the young
girl had revived. The brother and the sis
ter then talked together. They were the
children of quite a respectable family, but
each had early bebome addicted to drink,
and rapidly sank into degradation and mis-
cry. The girls name is Sadie, and she 10
but twenty-one years old. Her brother is
twenty eight. He is known to the police -
vagrant and petty offender. His sister 10 =
frequenter of the low resorts. Neither had
seen each other for about two years, and
their meeting-both prisoners in . police
court and both in disgrace-was as unusual
as it was affecting. philadelphia Press.
Daily Kennebec journal., 1884-01-05
NO. 8.

Mex, two years ago is breaking up, and the
people are coming to the States.
The Chicago Tribune counts up 125, 900
human lives lost by earthquakes, tornadoes,
shipwrecks. fires, mine disasters, and other
accidents in 1888.
Bostonians are alarmed at the scarcity of
water in that city. and the authorities have
issued an appeal to the public to BE- more
economical in its use.
The great rural park of the city Of Boston
will he completed by the purchase of the rs-
mainder of the 500 acres of the City Council
grants the Park Commissioners the $500, 900
they ask for the work. This sum will make
the unimproved land worth 100000.
Kansas bids fair to become an active COM
petitor of the South in the raising of cotton.
quite quantity of this staple was raised the
past season in the southern counties of the
State, and the cotton gins at Oswego and In
dependence have plenty Of material on which
to work.
There is said to be little piece of terri
tory in Germany whose citizens actually do
not know to what sovereignty they belong.
The size of this strip of land is about $40
square yards. 1t is situated on the Prusso-
Wurtemberg frontier. between the villages of
Dettensee, in Prussia, and Nordstetten, in
Wurtemberg. The archives could not settle
plot had hard time of il when the tax-gath.
erers on their last rounds swooped down on
them from both sides. A partial adjustment
of the boundary has been reached. but even
now one family cannot for the life of it solve
the conundrum, "Under which King?"
Maryland's marriage laws have been -
poorly framed by the State Legislature, that,
if put to the test in court hardly any one Of
them would be found legally binding. Per-
sons marrying even as the law directs are
married or not as long as they choose to con-
slider themselves so; not even mutual con-
sent is necessary for its dissolution. Boys
and girls of twelve can marry, without the
consent of their parents, and the law recog-
nizes the ties as legal and binding; while
relationship need not be considered an inspr-
mountable obstacle to wedlock. OF course,
there are legislative enactments covering all
these points. and providing penalties; but the
disregard of certain provisions in the law re-
suits in nullty.
Daily Kennebec journal., 1884-01-05
Personal.

Dom P dro, Emperor of Brazil, is serious
ly i'll.
Governor Hale of New Hampshire, declines
to accept another nomination for that Office.
Oscar Wilde is said to have met his aft
anced at one of his lectures in Liverpool. she
being ole of the dozen people in attendance.
The first actual settler of Minneapolis, Col.
John II. Stevens, is still a resident there, and
is editor of the agricultural department of the
Minnesota Tribune.
The Duke If Coburg has been persuaded,
il is said. by Queen Victoria herself. not to
publish those memorials of his life which
refer SO largely to living persons that the an
nouncement Of their existence in manuscript
set all the scandalmongers of Europe agog.
Beethoven's descent is still wrapped in
mystery, and the French and German papers
are even now trying to clear it up. The
French version is that Beethoven was the
desc, nlant of poor family, which for GEN.
fury had its home IN a small Belgian village.
His talent for music he inherited from his
grandfather, sturdy Anversois, who for
manv years had an appointment as chanter at
the cole siate church Of Louvan. The Sec
ond. story, which for a long time held its
place in German cyclopedia, says that
Beethoven was a NATURAL son of Frederic
William III, King of Prussia. On being
asked about this matter. Beethoven declare l
that on principal he never answered any
questions about himself.
King Louis of Bavaria does not grow less
eccentric with age. His latest kink 10 . dis
like to be mentioned by the newspapers, even
in friendly way. A short time ago an editor
at Spires published some watering-place cor
respondence from Kissinngen, in which the
writer referred to the regret experienced by
the inhabitants Of that place at not more fire.
quently being favored with visits by his
Majesty Forthwith the editor wan arrested.
tried. and sent TO prison for two months. Per
maps the Kings determination to allow no
mention of his movements was caused by an
incident which took place just after the
Franco-German war. The King met in the
streets of Munich returned wounded sol
dier and addressed him, but finding himself
not recognized. expressed his surprise and
announced his identity. "But how should
know your msjestyT expostulsted the sol.
dier. 'You never 60 to the army, and
never 60 to the play"