The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1877-1885, 1884-09-17
For the Farmer aud Aeeh.nie
The Bashfui Man Again.

am satisfied beyond a ~peradveuture
that b~ashfulness is a disease and | don't
believe there 10 any permanent cure Tor
it. In my younger days | had frequent
spells of il, and then for some years |
was COMPARATIVELY free from il and be-
gan to think / had worn it out, but L
had a mighty severe attack OF it a Few
DAYS ago. and it gave me just o the
hardest shake up" I've ever had.
Here's the way it came about. l
have a neice thai had been of to board
ing school," and she is not as young as
she once was, either, but she tries TO
put on all the primpish, giggling, twlsty
ways, which boarding school misses
generally affect, (she had been to board
ing school once before, about eight years
ago, and finished up" and came home
and dangled around ION the vine" until
she got out of heart, and had gone back
to renew her youth. you see.) Well.
my neice came home and brought a
young lady friend along with her to stay
a few days. OF course, | had to go
round to see her, (my neice, L mean
and was duly presented to her friend. l
felt mighty self-pcssessed at first. but
after | had looked into her soft brown
ewes a few times, a mighty queer, crawl
ing, tingling sensation began TO take
place about the regions of the heart.
knew it wouldn't do to stay there, so |
soon made some excuse to leave, think
ing | would keep out of danger alter
wards. But somehow or other | ielt a
deeper interest in my neice h a ] ever
had before and found myself going
around about three times a day to see her
(you can apply the "her" to whom you
please in this case,) and l declare |
don't know what would have become OF
me if it hadn't been that a certain young
doctor was always there ahead OF me,
monopolizing the thrilling g~lances from
those soft brown eyes. He IS one OF
these nice, fastidious sort OF fellows
that always keeps his mouth primped as
if he had just spoken the word cab
bage'' in a treble key always cool and
collected, never gets into a p~erspiratlon
about anything. But [ must hurry on.
The day for my neice's friend to return
arrived. and as | had business in the
city through which she would have to
pass. and where she would have to wait
for the train about FIVE hours, of course
| offered my services as chaperon.
When the train that was to take her
away arrived, the doctor was on hand,
and accompanied her to the coach. |
walked on behind with my nelce. After
we got aboard, the doctor and my neice
got outside and commenced ~snickering
and Cabling like a parcel of geese. l
knew they were poking fun at me, and
it made me feel mighty uncomfortable,
so much so that [ didn't know what |
was about, and l sat down two seats in
front of the young lady under my charge.
When the doctor saw this, he rolled up
a great long piece Of astebOard III the
shape of a telescope, and poked 1t up
through the car window and said, IF
you are going to sit on opposite sides OF
the car you'd better take this to talk to
one another through" About that
time the train moved off, and my neice
squealed out. Good bye, uncle Phi !
Goodbye, aunt Sadie," declare to
goodness, / thought | should faint. A
thermal wav swept over me which was
almost as sitting in its effects as the
Syrian Simeon is to the thirsty traveller
on the sandy desert. | just felt if /
could think of something to say it would
relieve me. but / couldn't. l thunk
and l thunk and tlupk, but | couldn't
think of a single ''thunk'' that was tit
to say. I gazed at the glaring sunshine
on the opposite side OF the car, and l
got hotter and hotter. AT length [
whirled around and asked her il she
would have some water. She sad,
Va 49, -,4yf 40 fhn al- of tho
car and got a glassful, and in handing it
to her split about half Of it on her dress.
| stammered out an apology. She
smiled sweetly and said: "'Twas Of no
consequence" ] then went back to the
''tank" and drank off three glasses of
cold ice water and returned to my seat.
Right here / want to stop and take issue
with the doctor they're a set Of hum
bugs anyway They use hot herb teas,
&C., as sudorifics, but I'm fully on
WINGED that ice water (and brown eyes)
is the most powerful sudorifie that can
be found. L went through the war. and
was at the battle of Malvern Hill or the
Both of June, 1862, and it was a mighty
hot day but | actually believe | pers-
PRED more during the next fifteen min
utes after l drank that ice water than |
did throughout the heat and turmoil Of
said 30th of June, 1862. L had two
handkerchiefs in my pockets. l took
out one and mopped with it until it was
thoroughly saturated and looked like a
nigger's dish-rag. l then reached in
my pocket for the other, and after mop
ping about ten minutes L happened to
look at what l had in my hand, and
found that instead of my pocket hand
kerchief, / had pulled out an old dingy
shot-bag that a merchant had handed
me with money in to deposit in the bank
tor him. L was almost certain she mad
seen it. and that thought made me hot
ter and hotter. | grew desperate, and
reaching over picked up from the young
lady's seat one of these alligator-skin
reticules, hand-satchels, or whatever
else.yoU-call-ems, and commenced fam
ming myself with it like fighting fire.
Pretty soon something commenced
jingllng in it, and on examination l
found that / had broken her cologne
bottle and a little "bang-arrauging"
looking-glass, and-goodness knows
what else, for L don't. This completely
stupefied and stunned me. / quit mop
ping and tanning, and sat there with
the p~erspiratiOn streaming off the end
of my nose, and chewed away on the
DOCTORS pasteboard telescope until the
whistle blew at the depot where the
young lady was to wait for her train.
PHILO SOPHER.
lTO BE CONTINUED.