Connecticut western news., 1884-07-23

A YOUNG lady attending a party should have female chaperon until she is able to call some other chap her own.
 A rBovERB is; "Ask pig to dinner and he will put his feet upon the table. Well, pigs feet are not bad on the table.
 TIE eye of the master will do moro work than both of his hands. Not Co oversee workmen is to leave your puruo open.
 IT is the bounty of nature that we live, but of philosophy tlgst we live we'll; which is, in truth, a gfuater benefit than life itself.
 Tm difference betweon youth and old age is that youth is crazy to go into poll ties and old ago is constantly kicking it- self for having done so.
 IT is said that nothing is impossible to him who wills. This is false, for it ia impossible to him who wills to keep his heirs from fighting over his property.
 IT IS beautiful 10 notice how absont- minded a young man will get whom he Is out walking in the evening with his girl and he is suddenly confronted with an ice-cream sign.
 HE thought he would buy bicycle,
 And then he would try a tricycle.,
 Ere tho ''bi" ho could buy,
 Or tho "tri" he could try,
 He was stin and cold as m icicle.--LVc.
 TIE enemy of art is the enemy of ma turo. Art is nothing but the highest sagacity and exertion of human nature, and what nature will he honor who honors not the human2
 IT IS all right to toll a bell, but it makes a difference how you do it. A man told a Brooklyn belle he would marry iaur, pr.sa -co~t is-ss Eve si.as.aalad dollars because he didn't.
 "Now, THEN, Patrick, !" said tho mer- chant to his new office.boy, suppose you go for the mail" "Yis, sor; an what kind of male wud 70 be wantin', sor-Indian male or oat maleP"
 AN American lady married to an Ital- ial Prince a year ago has alrcady left him. Some American girls are too proud to travel around with a tambou- rine all day.-Phtladoiohta CaI
 B1osBY was telling Blopson about a friend who was injured in arailroad aooi- dent He ought to have got heavy damages from the road, " said Blobson. He did, replied Bigsby; ''hc gotboth legs and one arm broken"
 MEN are not to be judged by thoir looks, habits and appearances, but by the character of their lives and oonvcr- sations, and by their works. 'Tis better that a mans own works than that an. other mans words should praise him.
 TIE census shows that tho number of persons in each family is q fraction over five, and cynical old bachelor says that the husband is the fraction over. This is not true; sometimes he ia tho frao- tion under.
 A WORTHY old lady offers the following advice to girls: "Whenovor a fellow pops the question, don't blush and stare at your foot. Just throw your arms around his mock, look him full in tho face, and commence talking about the furniture"
 "wnAT do you think of Browns case P' asked White. "Do you think he will win ?" "No," replied Bass; "the result will be disagreement of the jury" "what makes you think sop "Why, Brown, you know, is n confirmed dyspep- tic. Nothing agrees with him."
 "sPEAKrNa of factions." remarked a politician, "there is one faction Co which nobody objects." "What faction is that P'' asked a man in the crowd. "Sat- isfaction," was the reply. IL waa only with great difficulty that the mob was prevented from tearing the man to pieces.
 "JoHN," said the proprietor of the icc-cream saloon to his dusky menial, ''has the corn starch come yet2" "Yca, sah." "And the citric 2" "Ycs, aah, !" "And the three gallons of skim milky" "Yes, sah." "Then you had better make four gallons of lemou cream. think we are going Co have . warm evening""
 WHATEVER is done without outentation and without the people being witnesses of it is, in my opinion, most praise, worthy; not that the public eye should be entirely avoided, for good actions do sire to be placed in the light; but not withstanding this the greatest theatre for virtue is conscience.
 "sHALb I sing When tho Robini Nest Again, darling2" she asked, witi a sweet smile, as she moved townrd thu piano. "Yes, love-" he replied, then after moments pause, ho added "Allow me to call your attention To thi fact that the robins won't nest again til next year" She did not sing, and D 3 doesn't go there any more. , TALEmoHus, don't let mo hoar yoi
 laughing at a woman again because sh
 can't sharpen a pencil. When you war e something in that line 10 laugh at q 9 you just contemplate a man cutting og Q paper pattern with pair Of ncinnosl | by the united efforts of his right hani