The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-09-26
WHY WE LAUGH.

places. lie can nave IL on MS neck and also
on his mind.-N. y. Mail and Erpress
"Soldene, the actress, has a mouth six
inches wide" Any one who steals a kiss
from her will be guilty of grand larceny.
N. y. Graphic.
A Newport belle married the man who
rescued her from drowning. This should be-
a warning TO young men TO keep away from
the sershore.-BostOn Post.
Sings a seaside poet: "Alone my lonely
watch keep" You are lucky. Man with
the three gold baseballs keeps ours more
than three halves Of the time.-- burlington
Hd,okeye.
Queerly enough, the American Bar Asso-
citation held its convention at Saratoga in
stead Of Bar HarbOr-but then every sum-
mer resort is a sort of "bar" harbor.-NOr-
riSto,on Herald.
At Toulon a brass band has been engaged
TO play In the public squares, so that the
people may not be low-spirited. Some who
have heard the band prefer TO have the
cholera.-Netc Orleans Picdytne.
They say that when Wm. ii. Vanderbilt
parted with Maud S. he fell upon her neck
and wept. This Is one OF the most touching
instances Of watering stock in the whole
Vanderbilt history. Philadelphia Press
81 never saw such woman in all my life,"
said Bass; "you are never satisfied with any.
thing" "People who knew the man | took
for a husband" replied Mrs. b., "think, on
the contrary, that am very easily satisfied"
The price of wives 10 Siberia is eight dogs.
But this doesn't help rs In this country. You
see, Siberia Is q long distance TO take ones
wife, and b sides, what are you going TO do
with the dogs after you've got them ?--N.I.
Mail and Express.
A Louisville man has turned out some
sort OF an electrical invention by which
man can lie In bed and fish. There is no
demand for such contraption, for anybody
knows that a man who will fish can lie any
where Merchant Trdreter.
Scene, Coney Island bathing pavilion: Mr..
Smiley-"Miss Madeline, will you have an
oil skin cap to protect your hair ?" Madeline
-"Thanks, yes don't wish TO get my hair
wet" Mabel (aged seven)-"Why don'tyo
take II of Brooklyn Times.
an have to take your leg off," said ply
sIclan 10 q man who had been injured IN
railway accident. "Never mind ysur chic
roform, DOCTOR" replied the man. 81 was
once Governor of Arkansas, and can stand
anything.-ArkdnSds Irdreter."
$50 yon think John Is becoming a great
man In the city," said farmer, speaking Of
his absent son TO a companion Of the youth.
"Great man! / should say so. Why, there
amt a barkeeper In the city hardly that he
don't cali by his name."-S0merrtHe jour
na.
a British and Y ankee skipper were sailing
side by side, and In The mutual cbaf the
English Captain hoisted the Union Jack and
cried oat: "There's a leg Of mutton for you"
The Yankee unfurled the stars and stripes
and shouted back: "And there is the grid
iron which broilsd It,"
An elderly Newport maiden, having bad
several teeth extracted, and being asked by a
female companion II IL hurt her much, re-
piled "Well, | suppose 1t did, but was so
excited because he had bis arm right around
nv neck, that ! felt but very little pain."-
Kentucky State Journal.
writer SAYS that "love makes young peo-
pie frank and honest with each other. For
insl ance, when he goes out between the acts
be always frankly tells her that he merely
wished 10 see a friend and when he sees her
promenading with q nice young man she
honestly explains that 1t was 'only her cou-
SIM"
snIfkins had come home rather late, and,
when about half way up the first flight, had
concluded he would Just as soon sleep there
No anywhere, but Mrs. b. appeared at the top
and began Jacob" No answer, Jacob,
don't you hear me call you" "fe esh, I'm
'.sr. Moth u bnt two pair, six uP."-Bos-
toa Gi0bs.
m It you almost boiied7" inquired kid
ri, M Iieman calling on her father and
mo,,er no, little oae. ! can't say that i
n'o'". ~, ,,. contrary, ! feel quite comforta-
aus aus >, Tha,,s sunny. | should think you
won,d he ;" "WL y SO. daisy ~" "Oh, because
Rad mamma saw your wife kept son IN
ha, wstar all tb. .inc."--Nerchdnt 1ras-
eier.
"HuIlo. Jones, where are you goingT"
said Smith. as he met Jones hurrying down
the street, with his gripsack In his hsnd.
ut;oinp 10 take The steamer for Europe.
"Going TO Europe why, man, they've GOT
the cholera there this year." 81 know u,
bat they haven't got Presidential election
there s year; good bye."-Nep Orleans
Picdyme.
"Mary, here Is an advertisement In The
psper that think / had better answer.
nWbst is IL, John ?" "Why, It says "a good
setter dog for sale cheap bv Edward Smith"
aWeIi, what do you want Of setter dog,
Jobn?" "Oh, dunno, only thought u
might do TO watch the house at night, and,
as IL Is q setter, we could use MIN Oh tne eses
during the day" Boston Post.
"Say, do you want TO earn 81 by carrying
this trunk up stairs ?" asked a corpulent gen
tleman of blue bloused man on Thirteenth
street yesterday. "Naw, sir, don't" "Ah,
replied the gentleman, embarrassed al MS
blunder, al thought you were q working.
man" swell, | am. I'm the President OF
two Butler clubs and I'm walking delegate
In trade union.--N. Y. Graphic.
IL was growing very late, but the young
man showed no signs of q disposition TO
take bis leave. After relieving herself OF
several yawns. the young lady said: "You
have been reading about the Greeley expedi-
tion, haven't you?" 81 have. Why ?" "And
you have thought so much about il that you
fancy you are now In the Arctic regions,
yourself?" "What makes you think so9"
..Because yen seem to be under the impress
sion that you re In region where the nights