The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1884-03-07
'sSPARK1NG,"
Or Otherwise the Cost Of Counting.
The Pleasures Of Ladies' Society FiRaR.
eially Considered, Etc., Etc.

we'll received. The article has done
much good in certain localities, and many
bashful and impecunious young men, who
had dread Of the duties and expenses of
courtship, have plucked up courage and
invited their lady friends to accompany
| them to the theatre, after being assured by
US that the cost was not SO gigantic after
ALL if the advice set down was prudently
followed.
But young ladies desire other amuse-
| ments besides theatrical representations,
and, as the warm weather approaches,
will throw out sly hints about their sweet
hearts taking them riding. Now, most
inexperienced young men have very crude
and it will be difficult to make any of
| them believe that such a ride can be en-
joyed for the small sum of So SO. The
following is the most economical way to
manage it
The first item is horse and carriage.
If you are stylish and wish tiptop turn
out with two horses and driver, the
expenses will make cavity in your pocket
book, but a very neat one seat carriage
with tolerable horse can be procured for
the afternoon and evening for IS. If you
are not used to driving it is well to select
horse that is not too lively. or he will
| will
not have time to talk to the fair being at
your side At the same time a slow gong,
lazy horse is very Objectionable, for you
will be forced to get out and push every
time you come to a steep hill, or keep
stirring him up with the point of your
umbrella. which latter act is not dignified
to say the least of it, and may present you
in ludicrous aspect 10 the young lady
and damage your chances of winning her
affections If you cannot secure good,
lpeaceable, steady going, industrious
horse, then your next best plan is to
hire lazy one, and by suspending
a buadle of hay from stuck
attached to his collar so the hay will
hang in front of the horse about three feet
in advance of his nose, the beast can be
fooled into going along at a steady trot, in
the hope that before the journey is over he
will reach his fodder. The writer has fire.
quently tried this plan with great sue
cess
After you have the lines in your hands
and the girl in the carriage, keep as cool
and collected as you Cali until you are off
the streets, or you will run over some
body's child and the costs of the excursion
will amount to a figure not contemplated
in this programme. You are not expected
to do much talking until your destination
is reached, when, while the steed is going
along at the regulation pace, you will find
an opportunity to brag little of your
experiences with horses. even if the young
lady has been out riding before with other
fellows, and is laughing inwardly at your
awkwardness in holding the lines. she will
probably be to polite to let you know
what she is thinking about.
In returning home in the dark of the
evening, or under the tender influence of
the moon, the devil may prompt you to
steal a kiss. In doing this it is always
best to first take the precaation to fasten
the horse TO tree. for many of the run
away accidents result from young men
holding the reins between their knees
while their arms are around the young
lady's waist. A horses ears arc very SEN
sitive, and he is apt to mistake the smack
of kiss for the distant whistle of a loco
motive and scamper away as if he had an
important engagement and only few
seconds to make it in.
Another very nice excursion is to take
your lady love of summer evening for a
row upon the Mississippi. You can get
boat for fifty cents for an evening, and
when you return you can stop into the
Delm0nico and get supper, which, with
wine, will not cost more than five
dollar note; but if you are poor, and will
give the girl shrewd hint as to your
finances, maybe she will take beer instead
of champagne, and reduce the expenses
materially. Ifyour cheek is pretty tough,
you can laughingly order beer, and insist
on her drinking it, as a joke. at the same
time throwing ont the intimation, but for
the fun of the thing, you would treat her
to all the champagne she wanted This
is racket often worked by young fellows
of experience, to whom girls are No
novelty.
To take young lady on an excursion
on steamboat in summer. and treat her
generously, costs from five TO ten dollars
A sleigh ride in winter costs about five
more than the carriage ride in summer,
as sleigh hire is more expensive though
the eatablcs and drinkables are about the
same
A hint to the comparative cost of the
different ladies you may have to escort,
all of them having different tastes.
Widows are not expensive creatures to
gallant around as they are usually on the
lookout for a husband, and wish to I'M
press their male companions with their
thoughtfulness and frugality. If, how
ever, widow does not wish to marry
you, but is only in your company for the
fun of the thing, look out for her, for she
will eat and drink all you can pay for
Grass widows, as rule, like rich, heavy
suppers, and the way they walk into a
wine bill is a caution. Girls who wait in
restaurants are surfeited with food and
the smell of cooking They will seldom
eat supper with young fellow at night,
but be cautious how you mention high
priced wine in their hearing.
These remarks apply only TO respectable
ladies, and not to girls who are a triae
fast and go on 'rackets," as too con-
vivial occasion is termed in the slang OF
the day. The eating and drinking of
this lively class of girls is very expensive;
but, although they are gay, they must
not be thought of easy virtue, for the
writer knows many girls who will drink
by the hour and go home ''fuddled. and
yet it would not be wise for any man to
attempt liberties with them
| Young ladies who attend church and
are very religious are inexpensive com
panions, for they never go to the theatre
or the circus, and patronize only church
festivals and Sunday school literary en-
tertainments, where the tickets are never
more than twenty-five cents. In summer
time she never expects more than plate
of ice cream once or twice a week, or a