The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1884-10-01
WIT AND HUbIOR.

it wasn't her best.
A little child's foot went to sleep. !"
as the expression goes. She tried to
walk. but couldn't, and said: Papa, ]
can't walk, my foot is SO dizzy.
John, what is the best thing to feed
q parrot on?''' asked an elderly lady Of
her bachelor brother. who hated par
rots. arsenic grufay answered
John.
When a young girl begins to take an
interest in the arrangement OF young
mans necktie it is an infallible sign OF
something more serious than sisterly
regard.
There are many and various ways Of
becoming man Of mark; but the
easiest and most effectual way Is to
lean up against some newly painted
railings.
One of the sufferers by late railway
accident was rushing wildly about,
when some one asked him if he was
hurt. No. he said. ''but I can't find
my umbrella"
Young lady Tin the drawing-room)-
Just listen. l can hear the gentlemen
laughing. believe they tell their good
stories directly we're out of the dining
room." Experienced and rather Sc
we're matron-'Good stories, dear! No,
good is not the word"
do look at that young couple!"
whispered Mr.. Bass. ':Anybody would
know they were just married. How
silly he acts. and right before folks,
too!' Don't be too hard on the poor
fellow" replied Mrs. Bass; ''he prob
ably hasn't anybody else to make love
to just at present"
DO people know each other in
heaven, papa?'' asked little Dick.
''Yes, my son. Why do you aska''
My teacher told me about an old
French woman who died. She was
1923 years old. and her husband had
been dead 100 years. I'd think he'd
forgot how she looked in that time, -
Gruphic.
..I'll bet a dollar that fellow wants
to run as candidate for the Legisla-
ture," said an old gentleman who has
an office on Church street, as he looked
after breezy young man who had just
left him. ''I've met him every day for
the past five years and his only saluta-
ton was a nod, but recently he has
been shaking hands with me and Civ
ing me some information about the
weather"
Mrs. Judge Carpenter made arrange
ments to hire colored lady to do the
cooking, or at least she thought she
had made arrangements, but she was
mistaken. Il do my own marketing,
and shall expect you to accompany
me-" said Mrs. Carpenter. Den we
can't agree. l nebber allows myself
ter be seen on de streets in company
wild anybody who carries basket. -
TEXAS Sittimgs.
docs Dr.-live here?" "Yes, -
was the reply, ''what do you want?''
Il have an encyclopedias for him in my
wagon. "said the young man, 'and
would like to leave it. lis it big
one?" asked the lady. YES" was
the reply. ''Well," she murmured, II
| don't know what the Doctor bought
the thing for. am sure he will never
| learn how to ride it. And big one,
too. Well, we'll some men are fools. u
-Cleveland Leader.
| Herbert Spencer says that If the
| latent consciousness exists in the What
| Is. then the contradiction of the Not il
relatively the same as the non-existan!
Whichness." Perhaps, after all, it was
not Herbert Spencer who said it. Come
to read the paragraph over slowly, il
appears considerably more lucid than
the utterances of Mr.. Spencer. The
author of the sentence might be 10
Cook. Or perhaps we dreamed it.
ANYHOW it seems plausit le enough
Binghanslo~ Republican.
A young New York woman fell from
steamers gang-plank at Dooney Is
land, Sunday. into the water. A boat.
hand plunged in and rescued her after
sharp struggle. You have had .
pretty close shave, Miss" said the
deck-hand, as tho dripping couple
clambered up on the pier. ''Yes, but
where is my fan?" said the young
woman, with animation. Il don't
know. Did YOU have FAM" said the
deck-hand, carelessly. ''Yes. l did,
and paid $l.75 for ii, and I believe
that you knocked it out of my hand
when YOU grabbed me in the water.
don't see why men are always 90
clumsy
Il always thought Jane would do
well," said Mrs. Lookahead, as she
laid the letter she had been reading On
her lap. and wiped her spectacles with
the corner of her apron. ''She said
she would never marry q poor man.
and she kept her word" ':lndeed. u
said Mrs. Nearneighbor, ''she has made
a good match, them" ''She has that.
Her last words to me when she left
home to visit her aunt in Chicago were
Mother, the man marry must have
wealth. or be in a position to accumu'
late it rapidly Iwell remember the
words" ''She has married wealthy
man, then?' ''He's not exactly wealthy
yet. but he's making fortune rapidly. y
"What is he? baker or a broker. o.
what?'' He is the porter of a Pull
man car. ''-Somerville Journal.
Yesterday several gentlemen met in
a wine-room uptown. among them De
inc one who had lived here years ago
but is now a nonresident. While they
were conversing well-known judge
of one of the courts stepped in, and Z
friend introduced him to the returned
Sacramentoan. The latter remarked
that the introduction was entirely
unnecessary. as he and the Judge
were old acquaintances. One sug
gested, perhaps you have beer
before the Judge some time in tht
past ''Oh, no." was the reply. ''bu
the Judge has been before me many
time.' "How's that?'' was the i'm
mediate query. "Well, you see,
used to be barkeeper in the Crescen
City, The Judge paid for bottle o
wine and the conversation changed
Sacramento (Cal.) Union.
We think it is Dean Ramsey who tell
story of Scotch Episcopal congre
CATION who, like many of their country
men, were attended in church by thei
sheep dogs. These sagacious animall
learned to know that the rising of tht
congregation at the concluding sen
tence Of the sermon was token OF tn
speedy conclusion of the service, ans
!. at this moment were wont to indulg'
in indecorous barks of delight to tn
scandal of their worthy owners. U
one occasion a stranger was to preach
and the congregation laid their plan
accordingly. The preacher concluded
his address with the usual words, bu
not soul in the congregation rose t
|, ~ Al S-k~ j. I<H<Nt b 4,