Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-04-21

Butter dealers are keeping up their
watch on the crime
''No," said a sinner, II have read the
bible all l want to. It's too personal.
There are $4,000 northern tourists in
FLORIDA hotels. Florida is fast becoming
national lunatic asylum.
A Vermont man has been married six
times, and he's the first man they always
get to go first in bear hunt.
Whales were eaten in Europe in the
thirteenth century. They are now an ar
ticle of diet only among editors.
A married woman says that her hus-
band used to rave over her before mar
riage; now he only raves at her.
eyes," said the reverend gentleman, 81
am rector Of the church, my mother-in-
law is director, and my wife is cor-rector.
When bachelor says he is single from
choice it makes him mad to ask him why
the girl made choice of some other fel-
low
Whe-ew !" yelled the man as the den
tist jerked his teeth out. II thought you
extracted teeth without pain" 'I-I-do-
without pain to me-"
A busy domestic scene: Girl in the par
lor putting down carpets, mother in the
kitchen putting down peaches, and little
boy in the pantry putting down jam.
81 thought you told me Mr.. Browns fe-
yer had gone off, said gentleman. "Sc
l did," said his companion; "but forgot
to mention that he went off with it."
Dude (posing for bold bad man.
Chow does water taste, Miss Belasys?'
Miss B.-'You don't mean to say they've
brought you up all this time on milk!"
''Did you put it in with tacks orputty?
asked merchant traveller for a Pitts
burgh glass house as he gazed in an alb
sent-minded way at the hotel clerks dia
mond.
An English nobleman now travelling il
the west has offered his heart and hand t.
a servant girl. Perhaps he knows wha
wages servant girls get in this country
and is after her money.
eyes, SIR said the liquor dealer, sit i
a good law that prevents any one fror
opening school within five hundred fee
of a liquor saloon. Schoolhouses are tn
ruin of the trade, any way.
Mary Ellen Chase says ssthere will b
three women to. one man in heaven.
Then there will be two women out of eN
cry three that will be almighty lonesome
and don't you forget it, Mary Ellen.
A book agent struck a crowd at
country hotel while it was waiting fc
dinner, which was late, and in less tina
three minutes he came flying out of tt
front door more total wreck than tt
greenback party.
''Aunt Jane," SAID an exasperated wifi
81 wish it was a custom for women
trade husbands, as it is for men to traC
horses" "Why, my dear?" Because,
it was, I'd cheat some woman dreadful
before sundown.'
Chow long have you been Marie
Mrs. Slowboy?" s'Five years." ''Fi'
years. Why, you ought to have wood'
wedding" 'Have," replied Mrs. Slo'
boy, glancing across at the meek figu
of man trying to hide behind a new
paper; chad that when l was married.
s'What is a pharmaceutical associ
tion?" asked little damsel who had cal
fully spelled out a long name in the +
per, and the old gentleman aroused fro
the perusal of the stock list, answere
Farmer cuticle association? Some
those fellows that go around skinning
farmers, 1 suppose"
At Lake Erie pleasure resort /;
summer, certain small party of you
ladies were out for q sail. The yacht W
managed by handsome young boatms
who unconsciously made mash on t
jolly girls. 'sShall l hug the shore
asked the sailor. 'sWell-yes-if tina
the best you can do was the reply
one of the girls.