Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1884-03-07
AIDS TO SUNDAY DIGESTION.
The Bad Boys Last Joke on His Pater
nal Relative.

with one coattail torn off and pieces of
umbrella-frame sticking out of his
self like porcupine quills, his hat gone,
and scared complexion on his face
and asks if you have seen chubby
faced little bov. you drive him out
doors. cause he isn't responsible and
the boy pulled a coffee sack down off
barrel to cover himself up.
! who is the wild man you are ex-
pecting, and what have you done -
asked the groceryman.
'Sh-ssh! It's pa. And if he got
out of the car without coming through
the window, he is liable to show up
here pretty quick. You see, pa has
been trying to make US believe ha could
see just as we'll as he ever could, and
he has quit wearing spectacles. and
gets mad every time anybody suggests
that he can't see very we'll. Ma SAYS
4 he is ashamed to have folks think he
is getting old. Sometimes | come in
the room. and pa snaps his fingers and
says Hello, Bruno, good dog think
ing lam the dog, and when he finds
out his mistake ne laughs and saws it
was only a joke, and he saws he can
see as we'll as any man in this town
told him some day som, person would
play a joke on him and convince him
that he was near ar-sighted. and he said
they might try all the jokes they want
ed to on him. Well, pals awful polite to
ladies, and for fear he will pass some la
dy that he knowsand not spHak to her he
speaks to all of'em. Some of em get cross
to have stranger speak to 'em, but
pa has such innocent, benevolent.
vacant sort of look when he smiles
that they go on. thinking he has es-
capped from some asylum. Well, We
was in street car, and on the other
side of the car was an old maid with
pug dog in her lap curled up like q
baby. / see pa was getting his eyes
sot on the woman and the dog, but
knew he couldn't make out whether
it was baby she had or not. so l whis-
pered to pa that it was too bad to car
ry babies on the street cars. poor little
things. That was enough for pa. He
began to look benevolent, and smiled
at the lady just as though he lived next
dood to her, and she looked sort %
cross, but pa could not see that, and
he smiled again and leaned over to
wards her and pointed to the dog and
asked, How old is the little things'
Well, Thought should just melt and
run right through the perforated seat
of the car. The woman said it was
only l l months old, but she looked as
though she didn't know as it was any
of his business anyway. tried to
get pa to change the subject and talk
with me, but when he gets to talking
with woman that settles it, and he
told me to hush up and look out of the
window at the scenery. Then pa
smiled again and got one eye on the
lady and one the supposed baby. which
she had wrapped shawl around, and
said, Little one always been healthy.
l suppose !" The woman snapped out
that it had always been healthy enough.
except whsn it was cutting teeth it had
"a sort of distemper. The other pas
sengers began to look at pa and smile,
and the lady was beginning to blush.
and | could see distant mutterings Of
a cyclone, and | pulled pas sleeves
and told him | wouldn't talk to stran-
gers that way if l was him, but pa he
punched me in the ribs with his elbow
and told me to mind my own business,
and | went to the end Of the car near
the door so as to get out quick in case
of an alarm of fire. Pa returned to
the assault and it made me perspire
is it boy or girl 2 said pa, and the
lady's face colored up aud she pulled
the strap to stop the car. Just as the
car stopped pa got up, and in his po-
litest manner he said, as he held out
his hands, Let me help you with the
baby Well, you'd a dide. You would
have just laid right down in the straw
in the car and blated When the dri-
yer. opened the door | flew out, and
just then looked in and the dog had
got mad at pa when he put out his
hands, and had grabbed pas hani !, and
was chewing his mitten and growl-
ing, and the lady called pa an old
wretch and SAID he ought t. be arrest
ed for going around insulting urpro-
tected feulales, aud saw her umbrel-
la go up in the air and come down on
pas head, and pa yelled to somebody
to take the dog off. The woman came
out of the car on g,llop, holding the
dog by the leg and the dog had one of
pas buckskin mittens in his mouth,
chewing for all that was out. When
she struck the street she told me to
call policeman and have the old
tramp arrested, and l said syessum,
and she went off with the dog under
her arm. l asked pa if | should fol.
low his lady friend and get his mitten
away from her little baby, that he was
using to cut teeth on, and pa 10 Ike
SO mad, as he told me to 60 to gehen-
ma, that got off the Car and came
here, and left him picking pieces of
umbrella from out of his necktie, and
explainingto the other passengers that
he knew that dog wasn't baby all
the time Say, can you see how | was
to blame about pas misfortune
A gasman always sings in long me-
| ter. .......
A Mr.. Shepard was recently mar
ried in st. Louis to a Miss Lamb. A
large crowd flocked to see him gather
her into the fold, but it is said that
the bride didn't appear at all sheep
! ish.
Freddie, did you 60 to school to-
davI' sYas'm.' sDid Won learn anu.