New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-05-14
WIT AND IIUMOR.

Showery, dowery, bowery. Summer:
Hoppy, croppy. poppy.
Having asked the startling question,
What is = Whatp" and received no
answer, Rev. Joe Cook IS now trying
to find out Which is q Whicheverp"
A New York man claims to have
cured two brothers Of snoring simply
by repeating loudly the words Don't
snore.' He fails to say what he hit
them with.
Adoring one lin lavender kids and .
blue scarD: 20! how l wish were
that book you clasp solovinglyr' She:
How wish you were, so that I could
shut you up!''
An old lady from one Of the rural
districts astonished . clerk In ono Of
the stores by inquiring If they had any
"yaller developments, SIGH as they did
up letters in. y
The collegian's passport: mo, !"
said the college man, II don't care :
copper whether I get q degree or not;
I've got my NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. pin,
and that's passport into any society"
She-Dearest husband, dear Otto,
love thee indeed too much; there hast
thou kiss. He Very fine, Marie!
But now at the last Of the month can
not for thee new seal sacque buy
French Fun.
It is said that when Jay Gould visited
his yacht Atalanta and was shown the
quarter deck, he remarked to Mr..
Cramp: do you not think that such
an elegant boat should have 1t least
half-dollar deckp am rich enough
to afford it,
There is no period in = fond moth
er's life when she is happier than inn
mediately after her first baby has cut
his first TOOTH" Aud there IL no period
in that baby's life when he is more I'M
happy than Immediately after his
mother has cut his hair.
so hot water is q great cure, 10 itp
Well, shan't let any Of my boarders
get sick for want of that medicine.
just put another half gallon of watsr
in that oyster soup, Maria, and / guess
you had better take out the oysters
now; it might be too rich. !"
'.Don't talk to mo about beginning
at the bottom Of the ladder!' observed
''crushed" actress to a friend; be-
gan there ten years ago and I'm there
still. II it was to do over again, I'd
begin at the top. It's much easier to
fall down than to climb up.'
Dolly Sexton, of Mount Lebanon. has
been with the Shakers of that place
since she was years old. She is 1O7
now. In any other community she
would probably be not over 10. But
there is no excitement to . woman's
romancing about her age among the
Shakers.
A San Francisco woman begged hard
to be allowed to marry man who was
to be hanged the next day. The sheriff
was q tender-hearted man and refused
her request. He said hanging was %
severe punishment as the wretch de-
served, and one ''roping i'm was
enough.
Richard Charnley, an immigrant.
who has been in this country but :
year, has fallen heir to 600, 600. y
He isn't SO fortunate as the majority Of
immigrants. who usually rise to aflu-
ence in few months by being elected
an alderman and running saloon 90 .
diversion.
The Second Adventists have set the
4th day of next November as the date
for the end of the world. As this will
be election day, it is hoped the final
smash will hold off until the evening,
50 we can at least make . rough guess
at how the thing has gone. Ghristian-
at Work.
It has been stated, and some sports.
man will, no doubt, be sorry to hear Il,
that fishing-pole has been invented
that registers every fish caught This
will do away with al the fish-atories,
inasmuch as the angler with Z pole
that doesn't register will alwsys be re.
garded with suspicion.
II it will hold in check the rush Of
lecturers to our shores. let tho idea
continue to prevail in England that
outside the city limits Of New York and
Boston the people live by hunting the
Wild beasts OF the forests, and that
among them the coonskins and wolf.
scalps are used for currency.
..My dear" implored 4 husband.
will you be kind enough to sew some
buttons on my overcOat? Thew are
nearly all off II am very sorry
replied the wife, with look Of real
regret ~ she fastened her bonnet on,
''but tho heather are suffering and
haven't . moments time TO spare. I
am late for the sewing society as 1t il. .
It is we'll enough to advise young
man to overcome al obstacles by ..tak-
ing the bull by the horns;" but whom
the youth is In the middle Of . field
and tho bull is coming toward him
with his head down and its tail flashing
the air tho young man prefers to take
the fence. It would be decidedly IN.
wholesome to take the bull BY the
horns under those circumstancos.-
Norristo,Os Herald
Merchant Tho article is first-clsse.
madame, and at tl.5O . yard il very
cheap. II we hadn't got four months
time on it-f we hadn't bought It on
credit-we couldn't sell Il to you q
that price. II We had paid cash Il
would have cost you - . yard, ma
dame. Mrs. Brownies, I know Il
must be cheaper to buy on time. Ny
husband always tells me to purchase
Ill can get on credit. think III
take sixteen yards, and you can Just
charge It to Mr.. Brown.
Scene at the close Of . session Of
court. Boy Of 10. who has been On In
terested spectator Of the events that
have attended tho trial Just ended:
Papa, why does that man Indicating
the crier) call ont: God save the
Commonwealth Of Massachusetts, when
the court closesl'' Sire, who has lust
had suit for damages 60 against hims
II suppose no thinks the community
needs some special protection whom.
ever gang Of lawyers who hsvs bsen
shut up here III day ars about 20 30
turned loose upon Il again.
a Bangor trader orderod 8 ton Of
coal. which hs wished to put IN the
second door Of his store. The coal
Was dumped befors . building. and
A IN ~ q