Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1884-04-25

he Discoursea on the Charms q Widow
But not az Wives. szs

He DiscourSes on the Charms q W4doWSs
hat not az Wives.
From the PitAbnrg Chrome Telegraph
Widows are queer, said the thin
IAN with the cold tea scheme, as he
scratched his nose with the point Of a
barlow knife. q There ia something
about them that IS not to be found In
any other portion OF the human race.
Overflow Of electricity, p'raps, sen
tentiausly suggested the thin man with
out a shirt collar. & g.
z 'raps. +. /. &. 4 Il.
While the husband IS alive he acts as
sort Of ground wire that they
can discharge their excess OF the
element through" continued the thin
man in the style Of one who has long
studied and philosophical upon sub
iect of deep personal Importance. "A
woman possesses much more electricity
than a man, It isa necessity for the
serious mission of life she fulfills. This
! frequently accumulates, like an excess
of steam, and then she has to blow off"
''You have found it ?" sympatheti-
cally asked the man with the cold tea
scheme. # --@s -
eft has struck me that way" replied
the thin man with sigh.
'sYou are a ground wire, perhaps ?"
II am ground wire, answered the
thin man in low, subdued tone of
voice.
II have occasionally noticed that YOU
looked as though you had been stlu
by lightning, but what referred to was
o woman without her ground wire,
widow. There is something wonder
fully fascinating about them. They
seem to belong to the fraternity; to
have taken all the degrees, as may say,
and can give man the sign and grip
and claim full fellowship. Ii may be
allowed the expression, they know right
where to tickle them under the chin,
right where his chin is the most ticklish.
And they have the nerve to dot. There
is where they hold such an advantage
over the unmarried girls that come in
competition with them. While your
miss is blushing and putting q fellow to
all sorts of desperate attempts to make
himself agreeable, your widow is quietly
making him think he is the handsolnest
and smartest man in the world. You
see she puts him in a good humor with
himself and then he is sure to be in a
good hlmor with her. She knows to
IN ounce just how much hattery the
man will take from a woman, and she
also knows that this earth does not con-
tain the full amount. She is the terror
Of her sex. The married women are
afraid of her for she knows too much,
and the girls detest her, for they feel
that she is a rival in the field, with tactics
Of which they are in sublime Ignorance.
Naturally, this unhappy position oxcites
sympathy: and the men view her as a
sacred trust bequeathed to then. by
some departed ground wire, that they are
bound to respect. Then, they are SO cosy
and comfortable and confidential
like. They tell you al
their little woes and TROUBLES
and hopes and annoyances. and tue
first thing you know they make you
feel like father to them.
"ln fact, they are so warm and com
torting as widows that man"
"That's enough" broke in the th;,
man. Don't go any further. Your
picture is a pretty one. Don't spoil it
with a bad frame. AS widows they .,.a
angels, but"
''As wives, what are they?"
Well, I'm married to one and not 4
liberty to say"