The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1884-05-02

A sign In OieVeiano roads "lho
Krsam Sallune, which is positively the
worst cold spell Of the season.
No" said she swootly, II don't OBJ
ject to the smell of q cigar it's the
smell Of the smoke ! don't like"
Lambkin says che only sure preven.
tive against Western rivers rising
would be for him 10 own q few shares
in 'em.
Care will kill . cat. The care must
be exercised In taking aim. u is OK.
tremsly difficult 10 bit one In the dark
with bottle.
"What age am 2" said . lady to q
gentleman, the ether evening. He re-
piled gallantly: ~ don't know, bat
you don't look It."
Upon . writer sxclaiming tha. his
works contained much flood for
thought" . friend remarked: "ThA,
may be so ; bat II Is wretchedly cooked
"You can lead horse 10 the water,
but you can't make him drink, Says th,
old saw. You cculdu't make ssme
men drink, either, II you took them u
by drant.
"Miss Kate" said q. negro servant "a
her mistress, "wish you'd let me us,
de ole blower TO- do fre stead OBJ dil
new one. Pears to me dar'G heap
more wind in dat ole blower"
"lve got q pencil that will mari
all coIors," said stumplsg TO bis wife.
What color do you want il to write r
His wife suggested red, and with on,
foot ready for 9 jump. s;umpleg calmly
spelled out Decd with his black pen
Gil.
A gentleman was walking dowr
street the other day in company with
two young men who felt uncomnonlJ
smart. One asked how he fslt ''betwees
two such large fellows ss ourselves r
Feel" said he, "why, like 9 sharp be-
tween two Hats."
A party Of young men dinsd sunpt
uously at restaurant in Dublin, anG
each one insisted on paying the bill
To dsciae the matter IL was proposes
to blindfold the waiter, and the frs
one be caught should pay the bill. IL
hasn't caught any Of them yet.
"Yonr fare, young lady" said tb'
sage driver, as a pretty miss stsppet
from his vehicle and was about trippin,
away. "0b, thank ysu," said tn
absent minded little beauty 81 thinl
your moustaehe becomes you real well
toe She got her ride free.
"My dear, "said sensible Dutcbmal
o his wife, who for the last hour ha,
been shaking her baby up and down OF
her kaee. 81 dont think 90 much but
ter is good for tho child" "Butter
never give my Artie any butter
what an idea p 81 mean TO saw yel
have been giving him = good feed Q
milk out Of the bottle, and now yol
have been an hour churning il r
On the day Of an eclipse, when a
the inhabitants Of Paris were withou
doors provided with telescopes and pie
css Of smoked glass, an Englishman va
seen driving furiously in 6scre aIon
one Of the principle stre,,s. "wher
does my lord wish to gor' ,aid th
driver. "To see the eclipse, "sxclaim.
the Englishman, sbrusting bis head ou
Of the coach window "Only drive u,
as near TO il as possible, for I am shor,
sighted"
Lord Coieridge says that he was q
Mount Vernon with Eyarts talkin
about Washington, and said, 81 hav
heard that be was q very strong ma,
physically, and that, standing on tn
lawn hero, he could throw . dollar lish
across the river on the other bank.
Evarts mused a little with an incrsdu
lons look, but IL was not for him 10 b.
little the father Of his country before
blasted foreigner, and he spoke net
Don't you believe it ?'' asked Colsr
idge. "Yes," Evarts replied, "I thinl
it's very likely to be true. You kno,
dollar would 60 farther in those day
than il does now"