Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-02-07
Germs, Chilblains, Etc.

Right Hon. Blackboard Scroggs re-
Gently addressed the Detroit Limekiln
Club upon the subject of corns and kim
drcd annoyances, in substance as fol-
lows, according to reporter of the
Free Press:
Teller NATIVES: My objeck in ar
rovin heah at dis pertickler time am to
discuss matter dat clusly consarns de
hull Guild race of dis kentry. De con
seems to be carniverous, Omnivcrous.
an mighty familiar Oh short notice. 1t
| es down wild de rich, gifts up wild de
poo. an stands right by you widout
strikin' fur higher wages. What causes
cons? In Olden times de con was sup
posed to be a speshul mark of good
luck. De teller who could show six or
seven of 'em on one heel was made
gub'nor ober province an allowed to
keep half a dozen dogs. De little bunch
was said TO contain a pearl seventeen
carrots fine, an people went round
cryin' an lamentin' bekase dey had no
cons.
''In desc modern days we know
dat cons am caused by a TEN
porary SS;penshun of de circu-
lashun of de blood, mixed wild mo- or
less rcackshun. So fur as we know de
pearls found on de inside can't be used
fur fish bat, an am darfo' dead loss
to de kentry. When you hear any one
gw:ne around cryin' you kin bet a spot
ted calf agin a peck of dirt dat dey ain t
weepjn fur cons
''De chilblain differs slightly from de
con- continued the orator, after drop
ping troche into his mouth. ut
do n bunch up an come to head in
one per.;ckler spot. While de con am
satisfied to cOtch on to a toe an hang
dar' fur month or two, de chilblain
comes purrin' round de heel, good
natured as an ole cat. 1t kinder tickles
We fur day o. two, an you step higher
an feel like taken your fadder out of de
poo'-house. But while you am wishin'
you could buy four hundred barrels of
flour fur four hundred widders an orph-
ans dat chilblain begins to hunt around
fur mo- ground. AFTER he kivers dc
heel he crceps fore to de instep, skulks
to de toes, an fust you know you am
huntin' fur a bute-jack an Il cLsrycOmb.
He has come to stay all winter an late
into spring. You can't coax. hire nor
scare him away. In olden days de chill
blain was supposed to arise from too
much brains in de head De man who
had 'em was considered sort of
dOuble-ended statesman, an people
looked up to his heels as well as his
head. In desc times we know dat de
chilblain am aused by sort of spon-
taneous emblematical corruscashun of
de epidermis at critical period. All
dat brains has to do in de case am to
invent cure fur de complaint
Il had intended to disgress a few
translashuns on de subjeck of bunions,
bow-legs, sittin' down on a dog an
pickin' up hot cent in front of sa-
loon. but see de time allowed by your
rules am almost d'spired. Let me add.
in conclushun, dat an purvided wild
box of knives, gimlets, draw-shaves.
pick-axes, acids. pincers an rszers. to-
geder wild a full supply of salves, plas-
tiers. wax an so forth, an arter de close
Of de uaeetin' l shall be pleased to ex-
pertinent on all members free of ex-
pense. will now remark: Gum soils
curd,ster pturibus Cicero tremens sinsili-
bus Giaerai Jackson. and thank you for
your needless attentions to my unfeel-
ing remarks"