The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-07-03
WIT AND HUMOR.

| Dublin IN two minutes II you don t look
out"
Years ago when NJ. Bodisco was Rus
sian Minister at Washington he was
eating breakfast in a hotel few morn
ings after his arrival when quarrel
arose in the room and man was shot.
Rising from his seat in a great alarm
and tearing his napkin into shreds, he
exclaimed: "Vot q countrie und vat
peoples! Eff gay kill man for break
fast, vat zay do at dinnaire!'-Hotel
Nall
Now" said the Boston school
teacher, 1.-THE question l am about to
put to you is an extremely difficult one,
and to answer it correctly you will be
obliged, metaphorically speaking, to
initiate the trunk conformation of the
dromedary of the desert" A Western
school teacher would have put the
question and said, simply: Nov
hump yourselves. "-Somervillss Jour-
nal.
What we shall hear at the watering
place this Summer: Mrs. Allow
absurdly that Mrs. B. dresses! And
what airs she puts on! She SAYS her
her husband used to be bank ex-
aminer, but retired some years ago."
| Mr.. A bank examiner, ehp So
he was. An examiner of the river
bank. He was clam-digger, or some
thing of that sort, l believe, at one
time. "-Bost0n Transcript.
A wise tenant: Jones-''You don't
mean to say you have made all these
improvements yourself? 1 thought you
were only tenant" Smith, am. :"
Jones-"Well, if we're in your place
l would send for the landlord and let
him see the expense you have put on
it." Smith-"The landlord! Mercy!
Don't let him know l have improved
his property" Jones-''And why not?"
Smith-'He would raise the rent. -
Philadelphia Call.
$50 your husband is drummer"
remarked Mrs. Smith. You'll excuse
me for saying it, but they do say that
drummers are awful flirts. Is it really
SOP" 81 don't know anything about
the Others" replied Mrs. Green; ..but
l know that John isn't Why, he
doesn't take any notice of the women
at all! Leastways, he doesn't take any
notice of me when he is at home, and
he'd be more likely to take notice Of
me than other omen."-BOStor Tran
| script.
We have struck new scheme. On
the green shade we wear over our eyes
when reading proof or grinding out
copy we have printed, Il am busy"
| When man that we don't care to talk
to comes in we stoop still lower over
the desk so that he can see it and take
the hint, but when the other kind of a
man, good jovial fellow, comes in,
we push the shade up over our bald
spot where he can't read the legend.
smile benignantly at him and open the
conversation by asking him for 8 cigar.
| louisville argus.
A few weeks ago gentleman entered
| the office of a well-known insurance
| agent, and. tossing paper on the
counter, said to the clerk: That's
run cut, and l want to get it renewed. :"
The clerk unfolded the document, and
with a smile inquired: Are you sure
that has run outP" .'Oh, yes" said
the gentleman, ''my wife told me it
run out yesterday" well, l am
sorry for you; but we are not taking that
kind of risks now," responded the
clerk, as he handed it back to him. 1t
was his marriage certificate
| Some of our contemporaries are
mourning because a slugging-match or
dog-fght attracts more attention and
liberal financial patronage in this
| country than Italian opera. Well, we
don't know that there is any occasion
| for sorrow over the matter We have
only heard Italian opera once or twice
this winter, and if all the rest of it is
like the sample we heard, we rather
admire the intelligence and good taste
which leads the American people to
prefer the rat-pit.
A minister living in jackson county,
Mo-, sent his hired man to bring his in
tended bride to his homo for the
marriage ceremony. She fell in love
with the hired man on the way, and
they went to hotel and were married.
1t is strongly suspected that the hired
man told the woman that she might
expect a donation party from the
members of the congregation as soon
as she became the wife of the minister.
OF course she was justified in resorting
to any method to escape such an i'm
pending station.-NorriStown Her.
aLd
by Jove." said lynx-eyed proof
reader on Boston paper. Somebody
60 down and kick slug nine into the
street. Here's three times I've marked
beans on him in that poem of Julia
Ward Howe's, and every time he spells
it peans.'
| Ny soul sings p@ans to the gods of Spring.
| There's lots of sense in that, isn't
there? Where'd he ever learn to
spell beans that way?' And his face
was ivid with wrath as once more he
saved the poem from destruction. -
| BtlrdeHe.
'"You look like a poet" laughed the
funny editor, as the Observation-Disclosures
ed youngster entered. The boy smiled,
and began fumbling in his pocket.
Maybe you write songs, too" sug-
gested the newspaper man. Eyes,
sometimes" was the answer. s.Have
you got one for mep" Yes, think I
have" us it sung by long or short
meter?' BY this time the young man
had flshed out document, which
he threw down, yelling e1citedly:
Neither. my friend; it is sung by the
gas-meter." 1t was gas bill for $40.
The papers are full of items in regard
to ex-Major Reed, of Racine, who was
arrested tor tapping till at saloon
in Minneapolis, securing dollar and
a half. 1t is probable that the Major
| did not intend to steal He simply
felt like tapping something, and he
knew if he would tap keg OF beer or
a barrel of whisky, the temperance
people would not like it, and would
place wrong construction on his act,
| so he compromised the matter by tap
ping the till. When a man feels
desire coming on him to tap something,
and he taps that which will do the
least damage, he should be compli-
mented and not arrested.-Peck's Sun.
An English vicar has complained to
the Department of Education that
children of five years are compelled in
the schools to learn all about the prop
critics of rhomboids, trapezoids, penta-
| CONS, octagons, and parallelograms Of
every kind. He says they cannot even
| pronounce the names.