The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-02-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

A Boston girl fell in love with gray
haired old man, and some of her ac-
quaintances were mean enough to say
that she has got the antique craze.
A patent has been granted in Wash
ington for 'hen's nest" The only
wonder is that somebody has not got
patent on the hen. philadelphia Call
A Burlington boy sent for fifty cent
watch, and received sun-dial. He
has named it Faith" because faith
without works is dead.
A Vermont man has lost a goose
that was said to be 100 years old. 1t
has probably gone to join the Michi-
ganders.
Mrs. Murphy: "Och, it's awful, Their
paypul what's buried aloive! If / be
living whin I'm dead, Pat, don't be af-
Their burying me aloive!'
Taste in dress holds supremacy even
in the far west A Miles City EDITORS
wife wears red to match her husbands
nose.
"Killed at Spelling Bee," is the
heading of sensational item going the
rounds. People will persist in wrest-
ling with words that are too hard for
them.
81 know the man who pokes fun at
my visual infirmities," said the man in
spectacles. "He's chap that goes
about with an ear-trumpet and What
dye say"
A New York man has asked for d.
vorce because mustache is sprouting
on his wife's lip. AS rule, it makes
man mad to have any mustache on
his wife's lip but his own.
The game in Wall street: "Simon
says up; Simon says down; Simon says
wiggle-waggle." His name isn't Simon,
though, and he usually says Down
Pack.
Civilization, on her luminous wings
scars in the direction of Reno, New"
says the Sacramento Bee. 1.-THE squaws
in that vicinity have taken to using
face powder"
Mrs Brown-"And so your husband
lost his leg. Isn't it awfulp' Wife
"You may well say it. And it was only
last week that he bought new pair of
boots-a pair, Mrs. Brown"
A Boston letter-writer says that the
publishers of the Youths Companion
paid Tennyson $1,000 for his "new
poem" Softening of the brain all
around. -7eras Sytings.
The word "obey" he's been stricken
from the marriage service by Canada
Methodists. This is right The women
won't obey, and there is no use encour-
aging them to commit perjury.
The Koran says, God is with the
patient" After the doctor is called in,
however, it often happens that the pa
tent is with his God.-BoSt0n Tran
script.
A Philadelphia man stopped using
gas and bought lamps instead. The
very first night lamp was upset by
the cat and the house burned down.
Moral-Don't keep cats.
Daughter-Are all men brutes, man.
map Mamma-No my dear; but some
are. Daughter-Whch ones are the
brutes, mammal Mamma-The mar
ried ones, my dear.
A Utah paper uses the words 'mel-
low drama" four times in reviewing a
theatrical performance given in its
town. The critic evidently took q
mellow dram or two before he wrote
the review.
"Do birds thinkP" asks a writer in
opening a current article. If they do
we would like to know what canary
thinks of the fat woman who stands up
in chair and talks baby" through
the brass wires of its cage.
The wedding service has been 50 ar
ranged that the bride responds to the
usual questions after the groom has re-
sponded. So we see even in the outset
of married life woman is bound to have
the last word.
Many man who would roll up his
eyes in terror at the idea of stealing a
threepenny-piece, will swoop down on
silk umbrella, worth 10s., and march
off with his lips moving peacefully, as
If in prayer.
LES, sdlu TcuucTSOu, Mlso Ioi W
plays beautifully. don't know any
thing about music myself, but ! know
she's splendid player, because all the
o.her players say her music is just hor-
Inc announcement Is made that five
new ana swift steamships are to be
added 10 the transatlantic lines. Every
thing seems to be working for the good
OF American bank cashiers, feelinply
observes the Louisville Co4rier-Jo,.r,aal.
The girl blushed like an lss8-s4 sun.
set as the old gentleman entered the
parlor and turned up the gas. But she
allowed it was only the result of cosmit
dust, while her fellow wore a comic al
OF sheepishness.
A colored minister Of Kentucky, i
defending clergymen against whor
sweeping charges had been made, sale
NOW, every man you see riding fai
In. q buggy don't own it. So ever
man in pulpit is not true preacht
called by Christ"
james, my son, take this letter
the postoilice and pay the postage Il
it." The boy James returned high
elated and said: Father, seed q l.
Of men putting letters in little plac