Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1884-04-15
AN EPISCOPAL FIX.

w
Bishop of X, and gloried in the familiar pa
tronymic of Smith, came up to London
during Christmas week to meet his wife and
daughter, who had been studying in the
South of France. It was an act of devo-
ton on his part, for he very rarely visited
the metropolis, and had not quilted his dio.
cese for years. He was quiet, mild, inof-
fensive old gentleman, of studious habits
and retiring disposition. The only fault
which his enemies could find in him was
decided tendency to penuriousness, and this
was probably the reason why, having to
spend the night in town, he elected to seek
bed and the house of a clerical friend,
instead of locating himself comfortably in
the palatial hotel annex to the railway ter
minus at which he alighted.
He had only discovered at the last mo-
ment that he must reach London the day
before his wife's arrival in order to be in
time to meet her the next morning, and,
consequently, he had omitted to bespeak
his friends hospitality. He therefore took
the precaution to leave his portmanteau at
the station, in case his unexpected visit
might prove inopportune. He started off
on foot, intending to avail himself of an
economical bus, and as he walked along
he passed the portals of modern Turkish
bath establishment. Now Turkish bath
| was luxury which the bishop occasionally
| permitted himself, and feeling grimy and
| fatIgued after his journey, it occurred to
him that he might do no worse than ilivig-
| crate himself in this fashion. He hesitated
moment as he glanced at the unpreten-
tious exterior of the building, but it looked
clean, and the price, as conspic1ously ex-
hibited, commended itself to his frugal
mind. He reflected that his episcopal garb,
being almost entirely concealed by great
coat, would probably escape observation;
besides which, he was hardly able to meet
any acquaintance in such an Out-of-the-
way locality. He, therefore, yielded TO his
inclinations and was shortly afterward
disporting himself with serene enjoyment
in an atmosphere suggestive OF an over
heated oven.
When the Bishop returned to the outer
room to assume his habiliments, he found
that the individual who had occupied the
opposite couch had disappeared, leaving
him in sole possession of the small apart
ment. 1t may be explained that the apart
ment was partitioned d off into half dozen
open recesses like miniature horse boxes,
with Accommodations for two persons each.
There were three of these compartments
ON either side of the room, with a passage
running d wn the centre. The Bishop was
rather relieved to find that his companion
had left him to himself, because he could
enjoy without constraint quiet siesta. and
a leisurely toilet Attired in light but
eccentric costume of bathing towels, the
Bishop reposed for half an hour or so on a
couch with half closed eyes, in a benign
frame Of mind, and then, with great eff
fort, he bestirreu himself to dress.
bo 20 11al1 olo
however, he discovered that the garments
which lay huddled in heap close to his
hand did not belong to him. In his
dreamy state the revelation dawned upon
him imperceptibly, and only caused him
mild vexation. He concluded that he had
come to the wrong compartment and had
been reposing on the couch Of some other
bather. With some trepidation he issued
forth into the passage, peering INTO the ad
joining boxes, but without result. The
upshot was that he was suddenly seized
with fearful misgiving, and peremptorily
summoned the attendant.
'sSOme one has taken my Clothes" he
exclaimed, with a mingled horror and in
dignation.
''Ain't these yours, sir ?'' said the lad,
pointing to the heap beside which the Bish-
op had been reclining.
"No, sir, certainly not" returned the
Bishop sharply, eyeing with scorn loud
checked trouser leg which dangled fantas
tically over the back of chair.
81 seed you lyin' down by 'em this 'arf
hour and more, " said the lad, probably re-
senting the prelate's tone.
II suppose I made mistake. Where
are my things? Send for the proprietor
Instantly" exclaimed the Bishop, in a ter
rible ffuster.
The lad retired with grin. and the
| Bishop feverishly adjusted his turban and
| the towels which enveloped him, with
wild attempt at looking dignifed. The
proprietor, rough looking parsonage,
hustled up presently with an air of injured
innocence
"What's up, sir?" he inquired shortly.
'1t is perfectly scandalous. Nv clothes
have disappeared" cried the Bishop.
"No," he added emphatically, as the pro-
prietor indicated the heap before referred
to. "Those are not mine. Certainly not.
/ ana IA clergyman p
81 noticed clergyman pass out, sir,
when you were in the BATH" interposed a
bystander.
"Then, my things have been stolenp'
exclaimed the Bishop, as the truth flashed
across him. "Some rascal has stolen
them!"
"There amt no thieves in my establish
ment," said the proprietor, looking per-
turbed, nevertheless.
''What am to do?" cried the Bishop,
his anger giving way to agonizing perplexi-
ty. II can't wear those things "
"Why not? A fair exchange is no rob-
berry," said the proprietor, who apparently
had some suspicion on his mind as to the
bona-fides Of the Bishops complaint.
II am not accustomed to be addressed in
that tone, sir. am the Bishop of X"
exclaimed The prelate, with all the dignity
he could muster.
But almost before the words were out of
his mouth, be wished he had not spoken
them. They had not only failed to produce
q desirable effect, but elected grins of in
credulity from the bystanders. The fact is
that Bishop in Turkish bath may be
easily be taken for a meaner mortal. His