Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-03-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

When man declares his love in
deeply-drawn breathing, young lady,
put it down as only sighed show.
Speaking of the matter of close OBJ
servation, did it ever occur to you that
women are clothes observers?
Matthew Arnold calls cow 5000"
He has a cowrious style of pronuncia-
ton.
dturday always reminds one of the
wC.den thing shoemakers use when
they make sick folks shoes. It's the
asst of the week.
Paterfamilias (reading doctors billy:
''Wel, doctor, have no objection to
pay you for the medicine, but l will re-
turn the visits"
Carlyle said that everybody should
have an aim in life. Some of the early
settlers Of Texas had two names in life.
Texas S1tjnags.
An eagle carried off small boy at
Waco, Texas, and the city authorities
are agitating the question of Matching
eagles as an important local industry.
They say dogs can't reason, but no
one will doubt that dog tries to
reach conclusion when he chases his
tail.
II there is one time more than an
other when q woman should be entirely
alone, it is when a full line of clothes
comes down in the mud.
A New Jersey widow has just been
awarded $4,000 rs balm for a broken
heart. This patches up the scars until
it is almost as good as new.
20, professor!" exclaimed sentiment
tai old Mrs. FIshwhacker, during pri-
vate organ recital in her new music
room, do pull out that sweet nux vom-
lea stop once more!''
The leading hotels of London gladly
adopt the finest American features,
says correspondent. Pretty orphan
girls, now is your chance; SO to Lun-
non.
Lying on the left side is condemned
by health journals. But if one is on
the right side what need is there for
him TO lie at all? If he does he is very
liable to find himself left.
Over-scrupulous- my husband is
vicar of St. Boniface-but | don't at
tend his church Indeed, how is
that?" the fact is II don t approve
Of married clergymcn.'
yes" said the old sexton, ''the bell
tolls the age OF the departed" How
unlike the society Le'Ie that comes and
goes, = added the graveyard wag, ''she
has never told her age"
In answer to the query of Lazybones,
how to arouse sluggish blood? we
should advise him to strike a profess
sional sparrer. n. B.: Be sure and
hit him hard.
You've no idea what horror it
gives q man TO steal up behind q girl
who is scribbIing, look over her should
er, and find that she's idly writing your
name with a ''AIrs. prefixed.
1t is proposed in lowe to tax dogs
for the sheep they kill. This is wrong.
No good dog will stand up and let a
sheep bite him without resenting it
Peoria Transcript.
A woman doesn't consistently use
profuse language, but the way she
SAYS "Graciousr' when she slips down,
is full Of subtle meaning and inherent
force.
1t is related of Chicago young wo-
man and Chinese lady on being in
troduced they looked ut each others
feet and then both tainted dead away,
the former from modification and the
latter from NATURALIZATION Traveller
''Who is the first lady in the Iand?"
Geryously inquiries a contemporary.
When you come TO Philadelphia, if you
will slick yourself up 4 little AMI comb
the burrs ont Of your hair we will take
you up to the house and introduce you
TO her. Phjl0de'phjG Call.
A last resort: MY poor man." said
the doctor, you are dangerously i'll.
is there any word you want to send to
your friends?' IAN | really so iIl?''
asked the sufferer ALAS! / can offer
you no hope" Very well, Them
said the sick man; Just telephone for
another doctor.
Just think Tn Heidelberg [ once
came across a negro that was actually
SO black that he could not be seen with
out q ightr HIN! [ saw a fellow
one time in Mannheim who was so thin
that he always had to enter 4 room
twice before he could be noticedr'-
German Fan.
The newest color, according to a
Brooklyn authority, is 1.-The inside of a
mules ear by starlight. " We think
they've hit this time on q shade that
man can recognize when he sees it, en-
aiding him, consequently, to successful
" match worsteds of that color.-LolO-
ell Citizen.
To empty theater in case of fire,
the drop should be lowered. All the
men will rush out by force of habit,
and the women will sit still, as usual
in such cases, and panic will be pre-
vented. This suggestion if freely Of
fered for what it is worth.-BOSt0n
Transcript
Two young married French ladies
were talking about their husbands.
Said one of them: DO you really think
your Jules went shooting yesterday"
''Wel, | don't think he tried to deceive
me yesterday; am inclined to think
he went" but he didn't bring back
any game" That's what makes