Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1884-09-18

by Temarking: He can't bite; he's got
on his hustle"
Passenger Here, porter, take this
thing away" Sleeping carp Orter-"W NY
sab, that's q pillow" "a pillow! This
little thing?n why, yes sab. What
did you 'spect It wasp 81 thought 1t
was pOultice."
A young man travelling by stage coach
broke up the mOnOtony OF the journey
by kissing a young lady who was q TEL
loW-passenger. He Quoted her lndlg-
0ant objections by explaining that it was
only 3 stage kiss and therefore merely
conventional.
"NIy son, - asked a Sunday-schOoltea
er, what do you know of the prOverb
regarding people who reside in glass
houses ?" Il don't know nOthin'" was
the response, "abOut the prOverb, but ]
know that people who live in glass hOus-
es orient to lay abed late in the mOrnin'
unless they pull down the blinds"
Clones is a miserly man, but is very
pleasant said Brown. Yes" replied
Smith, but it is miserliness that makes
him pleasant" Flows that" why,
don't you see, he hates to lose anything,
and therefore keeps his temper"
I'D have you know, sir," said an irate
wife is a heightened woman, and 1 won't
allow you to say a word against her"
"High toned" replied the other, Il
should say she Is hightoned; you can
hear her a mile when she is quarreling
with the neighbOrs."
The meanest milkman vet has been
found in Pennsylvania. He adulterates
his cows food with chalk.-PtiLGdeLph
Call.
"In a cabin locker for many year a
bottle lay" sings a Chicago poet. 1t must
have been an empty bottle. And an
empty bottle Is a dreary subject for a
chicago man to sing abOut.-1hs Bohemian
ooh, shall I drink, or will I kiss ?"
asks New York poet. Now, if we were
a New York poet, it seems as five should
do both. but take the kiss first and the
drink afterwards, out Of consideration
for the girl.-LOaCeH Citizen.
A small boy testified in a Justices court
that the ARRAY took place on a Sunday.
"HOW do you know it was on Sunday"
Because that day 1 had to 60 to the side
door Of the saloon to get beer for dinner"
Lille Devereux Blake says "a bache-
lOr is a man who has lost the OppOrtu-
nifty of making some woman miserable"
Just so, Lille. 1t is impossible for a fell
low to marry without making all the
other girls who happen to be in love
with him miserable.-BO8tOgl Star.
eff you don't see what you want, ask
for it." is the sign displayed over the bar
in a Bradford saloon. And when a man !
went in and asked payment on a bill
that had been running for SIX months !
he was run out the front door. He is !
now of the opinion that saloon keepers !
are not cOnsistent.-Bradford Mail.
A lady was reproaching VIM. Warren,
the comedian, at recent reception for |
going into society so little. "You ought |
to let US EOnize you little" she said. |
81 never heard Of but one man." replied /
the veteran, ''WhO was not spoiled by /
being iOnized." And who was he? /
Daniel Boston Advertiser.
In an action for breach of promise the |
other day in England, the defendants /
counsel asked the fair plaintiff: did my |
client enter into a positive agreement to I
marry your" ''Well, not exactly" she /
replied 'but he cOurted me a good deal /
and told my sister he intended to marry /
into our family. Boston Journal.
A coal dealer asked some law
students what legal authority was the /
favOrite of his trade. One answered: /
IT,
Another suggested Blackstone" "GoOd, |
tool" said the questiOner. Then a little /
man piped out, "Littleton." Wherupen /
the coal dealer sat dOWn.-BurJingtOn /
Free Press.
Aaron Jones, OfLynchburg, has posted /
a notice of dissolution on his shop door |
as follows: The partnership heretofore /
resisting between me and Nose is this /
day dissolved. All parties indebted to |
the concern Will settle with me, and all /
parties which the concern is indebted to !
viii settle with Nose" -Petersburg LgdeT- /
appeal.
May is said to be an unlucky month /
for marriages. An old bachelor says that |
according to the testimony Of his friends /
who have slipped their heads into the |
matrimonial moose, the other unlucky |
months for marriages are June, July, /
August, September, October, November, |
December, January, February, March .
and April.-NOTTi8t0lC1l Herald.
'Td rather be a dog and bay rum than T.
such a ROman" exclaimed an excited ]
barber on South Fifth avenue, as he ad- /
dressed a primary meeting. "POOh!" /
cried g listener, what do you mean by /
pooh?' inquired the speaker, Wrathfully. /
"Only a joke, sir. L didn't mean it |
1t was only sham pOOh!-Net0 York /
NelUs.
The small boy stands
Beside the pool,
And with his hands
he water cool
He feels.
He fingers not,
Nor time does waste
The We atheTB hot,
And with great haste