Daily Republican., 1884-07-03
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

saw u huge, uouDle-)AWeu shark ina.
king rapidly toward me. What was to
be done? When he WAS within u yard
Of me faced around, dived under the
shark, and taking a knife from myl
pocket, ripped the monster up" But,
did you battle with your clothes on?"
asked All astonished listener. Well,"i
" do think you needn't be 30 very par
ticular."
A worthy person, who WAS habitual.
ly guilty of liberties with the queen's
English, was returned ~ membo tor .
colonial parliament. Delighted with
the importance Of his new position, he
a maiden speech. "Gen tlemen," he
said, by way OF Introduction, .'what
have we bofore the 'Ouse tonight 2"
" think we have oh" before the |
'ouse, gentlemen" was the prompt |
reply Of witty member of the oppost- |
ton.
A beautiful girl looked out of her
window one day and saw her rude
brother out on the path, walking about
on his hands, with his feet dangling upl
In the air. " Tom," she said. reprov
ingly, "don't, Tom l wouldn't do
that, Tom-indeod Wouldn't"
Wouldn't?" replied the rude boy,
looking up and speaking with inarkeu
and malicious emphasis, Why, you
couldn't !"
A sober visitor in small village on
the east coast OCcasionsd quite q COM
motion by saying that the bodies OF
three children had just been washed
ashore. The villagers were indignant
when, after much inquiry, the sober
visitor said Z" tell you they were !;
they were washed ashore by their
mother. You cont suppose she could
take them into the middle Of the ocean
TO wash them, do you %
They we're standing ut the front gate.
Won't you come in tho parlor and
sit little while, Georgie dear ?" "N.o,
l think not" replied George. hesita-
went on sits awfully lonesome.
Mother has gone out, anil father is up
stairs grooming with rheumatism In the
legs" Both legs 2" asked George.
Yes, both legs" Then IN come
in"
A widow in Japan who is willing to
think of matrimony wears her hair
tied and twisted around q long she'll
/ uhlIDlu DlhCtu HOTLLOub8hy 0tAObo tuo
bach of the head. We're this the Gus.
editor, We should throw down the pen
and at once engage in the manufacture
of long shell hairpins.
The mistress OF a household heard a
crash OF falling glass, "What ID that,
Thomas 2" she asked, sharply. "A
vase, a'am but Tvs lucky 1t only
/ s.iAn afhnlut
blockhead. What difference does that
make?" can the difference in the
world, ma am, as you'd find If you had
To pick up the bits.
"What do you mean, Charles, by
staying so long? When you went GU,
you said you could go over to the
browns In ten minutes at the outside
ana here you have been gone over two
hours" Il ga d 1 COULD go over there
in ten minutes on the outside, and 80
did. The two hours extra, you know,
ispent inside"
Ono day, when Erskine, the celebra
ted London lawyer aud wit, was, a
usua on his way TO Westminster Hall
with his large bag full of briefs, h.
was accosted by a Jew boy, who aske'
him IL he was a dealer in old clothes
| NO, you IltpItW iSPstNd VI
counselor, "these are all new suits"
81 have been married now," boaste
prosy old fellow, "more than thirt.
years. and have never given my wife
cross word :" That's because yol
never dared, uncle" said his littl
nephew who lived with him. If yol
had, auntie would have made y on juml
lQuicker nor CREASED lightning"
II L..
proudly of her twenty-fve-year-ol
daughter" no, Mary isn't old enoug
~ marry yes She cries whenever an
one scolds her, and until she become
hardened enough to talk back vigorous
ly she isn's fit for wife,"
A lady reader writes to say that ST
has been losing her hair recently, an
a wants to know what she shall do
prevent it. Either keep your draw
locked or else discharge the housemal
~ and get another of q complexion diffe
= - emit from yours.
ifl A young gentleman asked your
Ii lady what she thought OF the ma
riage state in general" Not KNOWN
cam tell" was the reply " but IT W
, and l could put our heads together,
- could soon give you definite answer
"No," said George Henry, I" didr
90 there to court the girl, only call
In occasionally to pas, the time. "
know but the frsJ thing l knew tn
had me up for breach of promise, and
you zee, went to court At last.
A tippler, who sQuinted awfully, us
sometimes to mourn that his eyes d
r. not agree. Its very lucky for you
replied friend "for if your eyes h
been matches, your nose would ha
set them on fire long ago."
Most desirable lodgings" To let
IN students, a light room not far frem
university, ard in immediate proxin
lty to a pawnbroker's," is the wordi
3, Of an advertisesnen ant in German new
ar paper.
A thief being caught by proprie
7 on the top of his garden wall, "
/. asked, somewhat peremptorily, VIII
he was going, to which question he
. piled, with admirable discretio
+" Back again."
"Did you dust the furniture t
l morning, Mary?" asked the mistre
mo, ma'am," replied Mary;
u didn't need it 1t had all the dust OF
that 1t could easily hold"
Different ways of looking at 1t. I
Sometimes l envy q dog. Never
to dress and undress." She: "Mer
the idea of one having always to "
the same dress T.
P A wicked young man says that
Inever will, upon any considerat
whatever, believe that a pretty
knows what kiss means till he ha
from her mouth.
A prim old maid positively decli
to attend q regatta after hearing
I.oma Of the o0mpetitors "hugged