The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-22
WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY
STORY.


dinner shall never forget. The
$stories told and the "reminiscences
brought out at that dinner would
| fill small book.
After the last course, and after the
ladies had Withdrawn, the converse
ton turned upon homes. Finally
Mr.. Twain laid down his cigar and
asked Perkins and Nasty If they
had ever heard of fast horse that
he Mark used to own in Nevada.
"I think not,' said Nasty.
swell, gentlemen," continued
Mr.. Twain, as he blew a smoke
ring and watched it, "that was
a fast horse. He was a very fast
horse. But he was so tough bitted
that I couldn't guide him with bit
at ell"
Chow did you guide him?'' asked
Eli.
"Well, gentlemen, 1 had to guide
him with electricity. l had to have
wire lines and had TO keep a battery
in the wagon all the time in order
to stop him."
"Wny didn't you stop him by hol-
lering who>a?" asked Eli.
"Stop him by hollering whoa"
exclaimed Mr.. Twain. "Why, L
could not holIer loud enough to
make that horse hear me. He
Travelled so fast that no sound ever
reached him from behind. He went
faster than the sound, sir. Holler
whoa and he'a be in the next town
before the sound of your voice could
reach the dashboard. Travel fastr
L should say he could. Why 1 once
started from Virginia City for Meat
dow Greek right In front of one of
the most dreadful transforms We
ever had on the Pacific Coast. Wind
and rain? Why the wind blew
eighty miles an hour and the rain
fell in sheets. / drove right before
that storm for three hours-just on
the edge of that hurricane and rain
for forty miles,"
"Didn It you get drenched ?"
"Drenched? mo, sir. Why, l
tell you, 1 drove right in front Of
that rainstorm. 1 could lean for
ward and let the sun shine on me,
or lean backward and feel Rim and
catch hailstones. When the hur-
ricane Stacked up the horse Stacked
up, too, and when it blew faster 1
just said "g-lk!" to the horse and
touched the battery, and away We
went. Now / don't want to lie
about my horse, Mr.. Perkins, and l
don't ask you to believe what say,
but / tell you truthfully that when
| got to Meadow Creek my linen
buster was dry as powder. Not a
drop Of rain on the wagon seat
either, while the wagon box was
level full Of hail-stones and water.
or I'm q -, "a"
"Look here, gentlemen" inter
rupted Mr.. Nasty, speaking of the |
truth, did you ever hear about my |
striking that man in roledo?"
Mark said he never heard about it.
"WelI, sir, it was this way: There
was a man there-One of those
worldly, skeptical fellows, who
questioned my veracity one day.
He said he had doubts about the
Of one Of my CROSSROADS
Incidents. He didn't say it publicly,
out privately. Pm sorry for the
sake of his wife and family now
hat he said it at all-and sorry for
he man, too, because he wasn't
to GO. II he'd been a
Christian it would have BEEN differ
ent. 1 say 1 didn't want to strike
ibis man, because it's a bad habit to
get into-this making q human
chaos out IF fellow man. But he
Questioned my veracity and the
came. 1 struck him
)nce-just once. l remember he
was putting down a carpet at the
time aud had his mouth full of
But man can't stop
10 discount carpet tacks In a mans
when he questions your
cau he? L never do.
simply struck the blow"
"Did it hurt the man much ?"
ssked Eli.
II don't think it did. 1t vas too
sudden. The bystanders said if
was going TO strike a second blow
they wanted 10 move out of the
State. Now, l don't want you to
believe me, and | don't expect you
will, but to tell you the honest
truth, Mr.. Perkins, l squashed that
man right down into a door-mat,
and his own wife, who was Ia king
down one edge of the carpet at the |
time, came right along and tock
him for a gutta percua rug, and |
actually lacked him down ia front |
Of the door. Poor woman, she |
never knew she was lacking down |
her own husband. What became of |
the tacks in his mouth you ask.
Well he next day the Buys pullt d |
them cut of the bottoms OF his over
shoes, and" i
"dentlemen" interrupted Eli, sit |
does me good to hear such truths. ii
believe every word yeu cay, and | |
feel that l ought to exchange truths
with you. Now, did you ever hear
how [ went to prayer meeting at
New London, Conn, in a rain
storm %
They said they had not.
swell, gentlemen" said Eli, zone
day 1 started for the New London
pray er-meeting on horseback. When
got about half way there, there