davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-10-01
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Drawing materials-mustard and wa
ter. Life.
Never dispute with woman about her
weight. She's always bound to have her
own weigh
A wall in the southern part of China is
said to be entirely made of fish. 1t ought
to be an easy one to scale. Statesman.
A Philadelphia father makes his baby
sleep with the nurse three-quarters of a
mile off. 1t must be the second one.--
Courier journal.
! ''Do cats reason 2" asks correspond
ent. Cestainly. There are two in our
neighborhood that are reasoning with
each other all through the Silly night
Baltimore Day.
"Why am like Wall street finan-
cier ~ asked a young farmer as he re-
turned from the barn. 81 give it up"
replied his father, Because / have
been watering the stock. Brooklyn
Times.
The old saw, 'tNever kick man when
he is down" is a good one, because to
kick man when he is down is cowardly.
Now we give another, "Never kick
man when he is up" because it is reck-
less. -E0aaSgiil5sArgus.
The young man who wrote to his of.
Tended girl asking her to send him "a
line" informing him what she would like
him to do, was surprised to receive by
return mail a clothes-line with moose at
one end of it.-StdtGsnsaR.
The boy who seeks the rivers brim,
Where he intends to take a swim.
But runs away,
Possesses WISDOM strength and vim;
For he will surely live to swim
Another day.
-Net0 York Journal.
The wise men tell us that the. whale
lives about 400 years. Since the days of
the patriarchs, however, no man has ever
taken a whale from the breast and raised
it to old age. A whale would be good
thing for man to buy who hated to part
with pet after he became attached to it.
Huntington Ha,okeye.
1t seems to me-" said Judge to his
daughter, "that your young man calls a
good many times a week. My court
doesn't sit anywhere near as often al
yours does "Oh, well, papa" was
the blushing reply 81 am engaged to
him, you know, and that entities us to
court of special sessions"
The seats in Western church are
set on pivots, like those in dry goods
store. This enables the fair worship
or, who sits pretty well up in front, to
turn around and count the number OF
new bonnets in the house without screw
ing her heal off almost, and going homo
with a stiff neck-N0rristO,en Herald
A paragraph in a number of our sx.
changes says; Napoleon was bow-leg-
ged, Alexander Pope was humpbaeked,
Hannibal had notoriously big heels and
was knock kneed, Cicero was spindle
shanked and Alexander's left leg was
badly out of plumb" One might sup
pose that these old worthless were alive
and running for a political office.-Nor-
ristO0R Herald.
A-DowN THE BAY.
She was a vision of delight,
When first she beamed upon my sight;
/ met her in a casual way
A-down the bay.
What steamer, / refuse 10 tell,
Enough 10 say, she pleased me well;
You bet it was a beauteous day
Adown che bay.
She seemed so modest and discreet,
= | thought I'd asked her in 20 eat;
IL only cost me NYO weeks pay
A-down the bay.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-10-01
A Nnrrn,v Encnne.

"Sisterl" cried a little boy running
into the room. "your little pug dog has
bit me on the leg"
"Whatw exclaimed the frightened
young lady. Beauty has bitten you on
the leg9 Let me see."
She hastily pulled down his stocking,
and sure enough there was the impress
sion of his teeth
you naughty boy" said his sister,
shaking him violently, "don't yoyaInow
better than to tease Beauty Some day
he will bite big lump out of your leg,
and it might make him deathly sick. ~
PhilddeIphia CaU
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-10-01
A CHILD s FANcrE@
THE LAND or couNrERPANE.

THE LAND or coUNTERPANB
Isn was sick and lay abed,
hid two pillows at nv 47oad,
md all my toys beside me lay
40 keep me happy all tho day.
Nnd sometimes for an hour or so
T watched my leaden soldiers go,
With different uniforms and drills,
Ansong the bed clothes, shrough the hills.
And s1petimes sent my ships in fleets
All up%nd down among the sheets;
Or brous my trees and houses out,
And planted cities all about.
was the giant great and still
That sits upon the pillow hill,
And sees before him field and plain,
The pleasant land of counterpane.
THE WIND.
satv you toss the kites on high
na blow the birds about the sky;
81 around heard you pass
ladies' skirts across the grass
wind, ALLOWING all day longl
~, wind, that sings so loud a songl
saw the different things you did,
But always felt yourself you hid;
felt you push, l heard you call,
could ndt see yourself at all
oh, wind a-blowing all day longl
\ Oh, wind, that sings so loud a songl
Oh, you that are so strong and cold,
Oh, blower, are you young or oldl
Are you beast of field and tree,
on just a stronger child than met
Oh, wind, a-blowing all day longl
Nh, wind, that sings so loud a songl
THE cow
d friendly cow, all red and white,
love with all my heart;
nle gives me cream with all her might,
70 eat my apple tart.
Nho wanders lowing here and there,
And yet she cannot stray,
All in the pleasant open air,
The pleasant light of day.
And blown by all the winds that pass,
And wet with all the showers,
|Np walks among the meadow grass
Asld eats the meadow flowers.
'' tioocrt L. Stevenson, in Art Journal.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-10-01
,HUMORISTS OF THE PRESS.
TENNY STORIES BY HEwsPAPER
wAGS.

NOt Musical Ear-A Narrow Es-
cape - Mashcr Routed - The
Railroad HOg-DOg and Crab.
"My dear, wish you would tell the
servant to stop moving that furniture
around in the parlor. I'm sure she has
broken some of the vases and Sevres
ware"
Il hear no noise, Christopher.
"Therel She has dropped the clock !
heard the shade smash!"
Why, Christopher, how silly you are !
That's not the servant moving the furni-
ture; that's Birdie practicing Wag-
merriam sonata. - Chicago Ne,os.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-10-01

It is stated that Mr. John Roberts, {
British member of parliament, owns
about 300 acres of the land On which
Liverpool is built, containing at present
1900 hooses with population Of about
10000.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-10-01
RArEs oE ApvERTIsINo.

One Square, one lnoh ono oinsertion...........si0
One Square, one inch, one month. ............s %
One Square, one inch, three months.
One Square, one inch, one year............. 10 %
Two sauarcs, ear...................... 10 90
Quarter Column, one year,.....'....."...... 30 90
Half Column one year ar........a..,.......... 90 90
One Column Iono year. 90
Legal notices at established rates.
Marriage and death notices gratis.
All bills for yearly Advertisements collected guar
terry. Temporary Advertisements must be paid in
advance.
Job work-cash on delivery.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15


 Stick out the other hand and make it i've. 1 don't know though he continued, both arms would look like bring me me che-ild. guess you'd better stick to the original amount. You'll be more ap, to collect"
 Perhaps you think I'd do better in comedy faitesed Mira S2oopendyke. her spirits dashed by adverse criticism. Nov. ve viii suppose that .m the cook vho boiled the watermelon, and you, as the master of the house, are en- ragged with me. Hov viii this do for the cooks attitude of bewilderment and pen iterceT She struck q comiral attitude and gazed as h:m aghas1
 ~Doas doet !" exclaimed Mr Scoop endyke, burying his face in his hasds and pretending to be overcome vrth emo.oe- lt is beautiful, but is reminds me % much of mothers death Please la up! can't bear II .' and MT Spoop- esdyke sobbed aloud
 -t dsds't intend t that way, dear. sished Mn Spoopesdyke, embracing hum sesdesiy. "FosEive me, bss thssehs ! v.s acsisG fssny.-
 SThaf's sli nght,s nosssd Mr. Spoop- 0dyke, secovesing himseH with . JeTk. . Bsa ths seu sine yoa pazy csmeaesy, lsave ose the drsughas asd the chasoes ips . cnad iss sAe heaA Yos taIk about scdsgf Yoa dsst knev asy msse about t tAza . pig hovs about the coatnbs- tios bx. Lock hsse, now; I'll jusa give you eos paasAge cd l9 tAaa be the end q thD vSoae h1sinenkn
 As. Spoopsndyke arose, thruR one
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15
.A RAY or l-lour.

sGs fur1A iS sska fke s1n, 70 . rsy of liehs
 Thaa for eoas haA laln on its breast .Of Iinke cd Ele irom world so world
 Be skon sAe hsassr haesln peun paas the norning scar is Ser, Ard liehsed on eastA- on the giissening dew, Renecsed here, refracted there. h shinmered and giissened evesy~here. h vi<ised sl1 the haanfs of D<n: LeoAed Isse niseUt noiscne den; Lost n the ci&sh flsh and mire, Found aeafs iA the farnace-Ere- Refrncsed hexe, reaeesed there. lt shinmexed and giissened everywhere. h sc1d the tnle of haie and scorn; It dyed the rosy clouds of morn: IL shone oa many precious gem; It RienRed oa . royal diad<m; lt k< rs laveS glaaee 10 beansy's eyes; lt SA S1 evenzngS purple skies: :. giaaoed alcng the polar snow, And ii1gesed in the tropicA glow. Ard eieaving again the vanls of blue, From star to star is onward flew, Where the vision of man can never pierce, To the nebulous paies of the universe Bearing light and life wherever ii vent. IL again retnrns from whence fwas sent. Where rest etc rnal ends its weAried f.ght- Ia the lie of lie. in the light of light. So thy spiris. oh man. when it's destiny s
 klled-
 Though is hide in q body of shame,
 Ihosgh it burn in passions rcd flame, On the journey Omnipotence viileo- Yet pure aS it comes, so untarnished II goes,
 And retnrning again 10 the God whence il
 cane,
 VIII in glory eternal repose,
 -Ei Hsizasi n Sas Fyasefsfas.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15
Takinx Down the Governor.

iopie P. Read, in Ne~ York Mercury Old Simon MulebesY has illuxtr aeed to the people cf Ark ausaw the imp srtance It is to have educated legislators Before his elecnon to the legislature, Simon was the president ot log college Tn the mountain districts. His seputatson as a literary man ts mt national. and there are doubtless many people in the eAs, ~ho never heard ot him. hss career In the house of representatives was not char&cterred by vsoless tsn, and vche men, denuneistions of the opposite fac ton, but his greatness vas illustrated by hts qnses. clear GU, judgment and the massesly abllily with winch he handled a pen. He wAs the chairman of the com mitsee appointed tn investigate the ad- minis.ra,ion ot ;he governor. a repor, of which, c~ing 10 the peculiarity of . shoss-sig hssd la~ should be submitted to the governor s,mseif The tolicwi < is Ssmon report, tiaeument which gave additional lussre to his already resplend- Ant name:
 My DEAR GOVERNOR: As the rest of the committee Is q, pre~en, under The to. huence of song and dance water. turn-
 
 didn't get quite enough ct u to make me step to the tune which the representative from Young Steer county is at present singing. 1 take the liberty of 6xsnx up this report. reckon that by this tune you have diskivered that 1 aint no slouoh. My father want no siouf h nuthcr, and the man who says he was kas got me to whip. les me tell you. l had an uncle who vas z slouch, bu, he was a sort of oil relative, and want much oi an uncle noho~. With much fondness and appreciation have put m the spec,Acles of responsibility, and looked al your career as goveSnos. do it say that you are dishoness, but believe that yca are. don't say that you would steal anything. but wouldn't leave . shin hanging in the yard fl 1 know'd YOU was in the neighborhood You are . hoe mza. l. wish had you and rcd calf of male politics. I'd like to hitch you together aod haul saw-logs think 1 can make arrangements to ges the call, and I'd like to kpos hoy much you take for yourself, anyhow. believe that you are power would be better hand at peel,ng tam bark than al managing the affars Of this debs1idden common wealth. don't say that vou are fool bu, believe you are You are fine man. I'd like to have you and wagon load of pumpkins. kno~ where can get the pumpkins What do you hold yourseif ai, anyhow! We'll, 1 must hssng this decisive report to . olose- The railroad company has sen, up s0me mere soog- -and-daace ~ater. and hope that m ges enough this pull to make me feel hke l had ssalloved an alligator. would like to have you asd a peck of gooberpezs. ve got the goobers. What do you hold yosneif at? Yourn.
 SIMON MULBERRY.
 The report, after passing through the governors office, was suomItted to the house of representatives, and, upon hrs, reading, vas unsnim ously adopted
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15

|han1 1nao Aa lrunn - hls osne - = l naaA sgAk sna nvsuo.4 fkm - ssnei |hh syo ueu11 cd vsassds sAhAr' AAvonrinQ eno 1oua wolA tAe ulnmp of an | sanpAane, ka suune hb srm asousA cd I-cxoGAl The ma1aAe egnamonn lay in . cnaf1sDd hsnp ea tAe ooos.
 dyke, usnhaing eon hsad se foes. @Goe snoogA = demAndsd Ms. Spocp- endyks, saxveyiAg tAs wreck uisA dis- ssndsa eyes- ~Wsss the rusa ef this scsns. or vin yos have sAe play wisA- drawn oa account of sickness in the familyf Want to acs coma more. dcnA yer he ho~3ed. his gcsgc fssing. Get some kind of . noeion fnzeeasd b yoar he'd wish hair pins that the sAcae dramatic b~sines depends a yos, and that yoa ealy vant uig and . cultain so be . wAols dod gasssd tAsaaEe uish specuaAsus ont h fFonR and bar next dooss On. co rigAs on and acsr he yelled. and thsa ssriking . higA falsstto.
 he squeAked. "Hearsco. nc o~a Hea- nco-ah l. paraoa these ,eass! OA. God! How can | tell him. Conceal- mens u useaessi EeaEico l-ah i-me O0o shsosp~Vs a0S $afttokS 0S*sss a89 Mr Spoopeadvke teii over backwards On
 the bed and fired hss fess up in the air "On wifh the dance!" he roaeed, spring ing so . pespeadscular again. {" Bsing oa the balief [ and spinning around lske . top in the excisemeus cf h,s wrath. he loss his balance, esme down hard on the smashed china, and then vent speechless to h,s ccocA-
 - don't case.s marmured Mira Spocp- endyke brushing away the debris % she could safely sis on the Aecr to take cfl her shoes. - I.ssk could act as veil
 as most. of ,hes.. though of oourse couldn't play stliais pAsts As welt as he can. and doat think should smash as many thingA When he gives me another lesson. think I'll take him out n she field where he can't break anything but his back"
 And with this thrifty resolution. Mrs. Spoopendyke feil upon . microscopic
 hole in the heel of her sock, and los,
 saghs of the stage in the interest the
 abrasion excited
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15

1s5xs46Er t,HG tfssaf ae1s. nsEss4HG&1 As asA2s8 Y,srins. The rsssa pssss aaAes pissa es rks
 1unoY Ov OgGgUO80. AsA svswy bss1 spsebf ~ e se ~ bsssrs ~ t@ v Ds1sax&rr e suustse te tes whsxs eeu03o0 snne 0sS te aknwE sk4fsoe sksf dnte.
 0st-pE-ee~s es1ess ssNa fs en8fsTnnnD LByYDR cd ss<tsssss e. vtii ssesse see = 1ns seSS = nnJ5spuzs psf e~1en. efsxsSnfs w eaf sQkdv - epxusex3D1. s&1reD
 lMTERNATfoMA 0AWxlm0 CO., s9 Rsitoa ns-. css~. BeaaMwefs Ssw Tea CoY.
 Essss1saAe1 in 14e-
 AUTbs sssss fsessr~x~sx ese1s ae1 ese e }. ae<sdea sy sss CszFt as AeTFn&s- en1 As sss osm10 ytfjG sz3 st sh> "a zsx e< fss Ls<ts9 Axesos
 \. Eta ptxssx gIAex t1m4 esS eoe tzzss js TuE AEs AEs4w TsAytL8a
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15
Pebbles of Noted Engiishmen.

Correspondence Philadelphia Telegraph
 A list of the foibles of some of oul
 noted men was published . short tims
 ago. and the lis, is being consinuall,
 added to by those vho wish to hand down 10 posteTity the eccenuicities o
 genius. Cladssone's rage for cutting
 down trees is we'll known, but he ha.
 also a mania for wearing baeey pAn,a. looms and sbnormally high collars, which indicate his approach long before hi. features are discesnible- Lord Salisbury is noted for wearing the shabbiess hats oi any man in Loodoo. His ordinary head. gear Is 90 bad that metropolitan cab man-would not deigp to pick II up. As ses-of to this, Edward Gibson, his faithful folloser, is said 10 keep one hat ter constantly employed-anyho~, he always appears to have on . ne~ and glossy stove-pipe" Chamberlain IS a great lover of flowers, and bit of . dandy to boot nine times out of ten he will be seen with an enormous orchid in his bufton-hole, ard when he is minus that he IS sporting some other expensive conservatory ho~er. Childess always wears kid gloves with light tint he is never seen with uncovered hands. and is popularly supposed to sleep in his gloves
 He certainly often eats sith them on
 Sir Stafford EoFthcose always wears loose, ill-6tting coats with long sleeves, within which if appears to be the busl- ness of his life to hide his hands. War ton is an inveaeSate snuH-takez; be car ries a large box about with him and mus sruG up pounds of its contents during a session. Seldom more than ten minutes elapse between the pinchex, each of which averages a ieaspoonfuL Lord Houghton is the champion sleeper some say snorer He sleeps more hours out of the twenty four than any other pees or peasant in England. Lord Randolph Churchill. when not engaged in worrying Mir. Gladstone, is always employed in worrying his own nous tache, an ornament whose sire is in in- verse ratio to that of its owser. Lord Haxtington always appears to sleep in the house of commoos, with legs out suefcAed, head beaf fDrsard, asd hal pulled ovez his eyes: bat aithough he see nothing. 6ttIe escapes his sharp eark It is oaly dog-sisep aller all.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15

The Cxrr<s! has secured for it's Christ mas issue-which in many respects viii be remarkable one from Edwin Ar hold. ehief among English poets of the tune, splendid poem, upon which he has long been engaged. and the com. piesion Of .Aich he has jus, announced by cable to the Cs,,s.k l, vilI be ap- propriaie to the season, and vili be marked by that grace of expression and that superb poesic power which, once manifested in The Light of Asia have soo for Mr. Arnold % conspicuous . place in contemporary lisesssure, as . lzborious student, ss a scholar oi the highest authority, and a poet of the rzsest eenias.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15

Prof. Mach, . scientist q Prague. is reported to have casyied the an e in- sts.s..soos phosograpAy b she point of seeming phosegsspAs q . bal,ea ia ias asghI hnay Se peasibae, fsv yesss heace vsn tAe azt ef phoeogTaply k aintarsA9 developed, b take photo gTspA q . New Yosk bank of6cez in Ais AigAt se Caaada--Nevyiskpvs Hsrskx.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15

There is poor ussssossd freshly ia- posse6 sd eyed, rcd kaised. Nilesias gid ous of job ee Bedford svsaue. She happensd so hear the lady os the houss rsnask that the oil painsines sesded cleaning. aad, while tks family were asay to Asuch Chunk for the day. she utilized . bar of bsovn soap and the kitchen scrubbing brush in cleaning the pAipsisss. = Byackiys T~<s-
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15

The ~sere aeA ysilow ieaf is 10, the hay y-dsy of lie u,a.t<kaH 75sss.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-11-15

Hsasaas so tasse Browns iroa Toeic-
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-06-13
How to Rear Children.
Treat them kindly.

Treat them kindly.
Don't preach them politeness and
propriety to them and violate the laws
yourself In other words let the ex
ample you set them be good one.
Never quarrel in their presence. II
you want to quarrel wait till the chill.
dren are gone to he'd. Then they will
not see you, and perhaps by that time
you may not want to quarrel.
Never talk '.old folks" talk in front
of children.
Never speak flippantly of neighbors
before children. They may meet the
neighbours children and have talk a.
bout it.
Teach them as they grow older that
respectful demeanor to others, gen.
tie tone of voice, a kind disposition, a
generous nature. an honest purpose
and an industrious mind, are better
than anything else on earth. Teach
them these things, and self-reliance
and intelligence and capability will
come of themselves. Teach them all
Of this, | say, and your boys and girls
will grow up to be noble men and vo.
men.-7ruM.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-06-13
Had Enough of the Office.

The following resignation of a coun-
try judge was recently sent to the gov
ernor of Arkansas: 81 have got enough
of this blamed Office. took this here
place expectin' to be respected, but
mud has been flung at me ever since.
The temperance people an the still
house folks have been pullin' at me
all the time, an finally, when | con-
cluded to 60 with the still-house folks
the temperance people lowed | didn't
have no sense an was an ole fraud;-
jes' like man didn't have right to
do as he pleases in this here free couu-
try. Well, they KEEP on aharpin' au'
aharpin' till l lowed that mebbe
was wrong, so | turned over to the
temperance people Then the still
house folks gun to growl, an swore
that | wuz tool an a thief, nohow.
So you see, don't know which way
to turn, an wanter to say right here
that you may take the blamed office
Yourself"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-06-13
Efletf Rfahing.
A Birds Trick.

In letter from Northampton, Mass,
a naturalist tells the New York SIN
the following interesting story: &
was walking through a sandy bit of
ground near the river, hoping to catch
a duck or two mapping in the weeds
under the bank, when up from my feet
jumped a sandpiper, bird so dreadful
! ly crippled that it was nothing short
of miracle that it lived. One wing
utterly refused to perform its office.
having evidently been broken at the
shoulder the leg had also apparently
been shattered the creatures feathers
stood out every way, and, altogether, a
more miserable and pitiful fowl was
never seen. 1t squeaked wildly as it
hobbled out from under my feet, and
fluttered and staggered painfully away
before me. 1t tumbled and rolled
about in a fashion calculated at once
to excite all mans sympathy and a
! full determination to run and catch it.
Animated by these emotions, and par
/ ticularly Y the latter, | set out at once in
pursuit, dropping my cap, however, as
did so, for reason that will hereaf-
ter appear. After step or two the
bird lay as if wholly exhausted, but rs
put my hand out to take it. it gath
cred little strength and feebly evaded
my grasp: | followed and again essay
ed to capture it, but again missed it by
foot or two, and this operation, with
a like result, was repeated dozen
times, until, at last. when | had chas-
ed the sandpiper dozen rods, it pull
ed itself together, calculated 'peet-
week in mocklng tone a number oil
times, and flew away miracuosusly re-
covered, AS sound and lusty bird as
ever was known. drew bead upon
it with my gun, to show it how easily
| could have paid for its cheat if | had
had desire TO do so, and then went
back to pick up my cap. This done,
| looked carefully upon the ground,
and, as expected, found a nest scoop
ed out in the sand, with five olive-col-
ored, mottled eggs in it. So compro-
missed by taking the eggs, well-know-
| ing that as many more would be laid
: -..-... {. s eek. and w>..s away, plum
ing myself that this old trick had
gr-In too threadbare to take me in al
this late day