The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1884-09-25
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

AN Eastern paper says that dozer
girls from New Haven are taking 8
tramp through the Adirondack Noun
tains. The tramp must be having {
good time. N. Y. Dial.
The young men at the seashorC
don't seem to be benefited by the
change of air. They are, if anything,
so young lady informs us, fresher
than ever.-BoSton Globe.
"A Vermont women is awful mad
because she miStook a London Pu11ch
joke in an almanac for q cottage pud-
ding recipe, and made the whole fam
lily sick with the blues for two days
Burlington Free Press.
-"Promise me, dear husband" said
young Mrs. Newbride, aflectionately,t to
{ harles-''promise me never. in your
darkest hours, ever to commit suicide.
l am told that it will vitiate your life
/ insurance. Chicago Journal.
There is an old fellow in Hamilton
County, Ohio, who is nearly hundred
and two years of age. he has been
chewing tobacco for the last seventy
five years. Nothing less than strych-
ulHc VIII NIL SoilC HUI. ICEEJtOH
HaWkege.
-'.No," said Fogg, 81 never tip a
waiter. OF course, l should like to
give the fellows something; but then,
you know, if l yielded to my feelings
and tipped my man, l should be better
served than the rest of the diners.
Therefore, not to appear selfish, l re-
frain from tipping altogether, "-BOston
transcript.
-"Molly, [ wish you would be a better
girl, said an Austin father to his little
daughter. "You have no idea how
sorry L am that mamma has to scold
you all the time" Don't worry about
it. pa" was the reply of the little angel;
81 am not one OF those sensitive chill
dren. Half the time l don't hear what
she says. ''-IeraS Sbtings.
WHATS all this | hear about the
Mother Hubbards? What are they,
anyway" 40, they are dresses that
are not pleasing to the fastidious West
erners. They seem to be afraid oil
them" "Women wear them in the
East, too, don't they" 30, yes,
they're worn all over" ''Have Won
ever seen anything in them to be afraid
OFF, '.Yes, my wife. - Rochester Post
Express.
domestic Felicity" John, what is
that peculiar smelf?' The hour was
late and he had just returned from the
lodge. That is the incense we use in
the lodgeroom, my dear" eff that's
all you 90 to the lodge for 1 don't see
why you can't buy a few bottles of il
and keep it in the house in case of sick.
ness" He merely remarked that he
thought she was incensed enough
already. Chicago Tribune.
'-''Do you know Mr.. DuderG" asked
one Newport girl of another Il can't
say that [ know him, but have met
him several times" .Well, you ought
to cultivate him." s.Whv. is he snv.
thing much?" II don't know how he
viii be in the future, but now he needs
cultivation about rs much as any man
ever met" Then they smiled softly
into each others eyes and went their
several ways Merchant TrdUeter.
-Jones-.Ha! ha. Life will now be
worth, living. / must show this item
of news to my next-dOor neighbor. He
can't fail to take the hint The paper
says some genius has invented noise
less violins for practice and they are
already on sale Smith (wearily)-I
That. won't help me any I've got to
have my sleep broken until greater
boon appears" Jones-"Why, what
could be greater boon to humanity
than no;seleSs musical instrumental"
Smith (mopping his throbbing tenn
pleS) .Noiseless babies. "-PaiIGdeg-
fhid Cal.