Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1878-1884, 1884-01-25

of the hog. He is probably figuring on the
Chicago vote.
TIE Arizona delegate to congress says all his
territory needs l. good water and good society.
That's all Chicago needs.
A WRITER says that women talk for the sake
of telling what they know" What remarkable
knowledge some women must possess!
SUNSET Cox is going to write q political his
tory of the country. It will be the most hilari-
ously funny effort of his facetious life.
IT is said that the statue of "Libtr rty Enlight-
ening the World" looks more like female law
yer paralyzing = jury on q breach-of-promise
case.
We give 1t as matter Of news that the un-
married girl in Idaho who presented the world
with triplets is not at all proud of her maiden
effort.
IT Is announced from the east that five brides
maids are now the proper thing. This gives
the friends of the victims wider kissing range
than heretofore.
A BURGLAR has told the Boston Herald that of
all things he most fears womsn's voice.
Even burglars have feelings in common with
the reet of mankind.
A MILWAUKEE, man has sued a dentist for
damages for pulling the wrong tooth. Some
men can never appreciate joke-not even
profess ;onal one.
A LADY writer says the law is now so strictly
enforced in Pittsburg that it is an imposaibility
to get drink of whisky on Sunday. Did you
try the back doors, dear? .
A AKENTuoKY paper demands a law to prevent
the adulteration of sugar. 1t makes Kentuck-
ian mad to find lot of sand in the bottom of hia
glass after taking drink.
THERE il sect in India known a. 'Smaj
Mil" A branch of the order has gained strong
footing In this country, but to conceal it's iden-
tity it spells the name backwards.
It is reported that Ell Mahdi's complexion is
the color of sunset afterglow- something like
that reflected from bar mirror when American
statesmen are having their prescriptions filed.
TIE Marquis of Lansdowne now announces
that he will never write book ON America.
These little kind considerations serve a. still
stronger ties to bind us to the mother country.
"A PHILADELPHIA Judge has decided that base
ball is not necessity OF life. This leaves Us
cropping in the dark again and asking each other:
"Then what the gentleman who reigns below is
it?"
WILL Miss Ella Wheeler please explain why
she sent to this Office marked copy of paper
containing her poem entitled "You Kissed Me?"
By Jove, it's as base q falsehood as q woman
ever told! 1t is, honestly.
An eastern woman was 30 overjoyed at the
self to death. Alas! how many poor men will
read.this item and experiment on their wives
with the price of q sealskin sacque, only to meet
with cold, cruel disappointment!
IT is a remarkable fact that the Missouri
courts have not yet served q summons on the
disease with which Frank James is wrestling,
ordering it to appear and show cause why it has
commenced proceedings against defendant while
other cases are pending against him. 1t must
be an oversight.
The Whitehall Times says that Samuel J. Til
den's name in history will appear at the head
of a column. The late lamented Lydia E. Pink
hams name is similarly honored-top of col"
umn next pure reading matter and no other
similar gush of wild and passionate language to
appear in the same column.
IT is announced that Queen Victoria proposes
to close Buckingham palace entirely. Well, if
Buckingham can't pay his debts he must expect
to be closed up just as othere are though it
him little more time unless she has some
paper to meet and needs the money.
SECRETARY FRELNaHUYsEN says he doesn't
like women reporters. When they get about
him in group and chuck him under the chin
with their fair fingers and call him . dear, de-
lightful, dainty old official darling, and then
strike him for the news they want, he gives mat
ters away that should for the present be kept
from the public.
ON the rollers around the great rink flew aswell-
dudish, Blsmarokian blood
But in making turn he staggered and fell
With the usual dull, siokening thud.
"Ahar' cried maiden, vivacious and spruce,
As she paused on the hard oaken track,
''You remind me, just now, of An infantile
goose, ~, -,.,"
Because you've got down on your back"
YOUNG lady has cast adrift poem entitled
IF My Love Would Only Smile" Perhaps her
anxious heart would be relieved of its burden of
care if her solicitous eye could pierce through
the green screen that intervenes between the
prying public and the devotional altar which is
presided over by young man wearing ninety
innocent diamond and = thousand dollar
smile. Try it, sis.
BISMARCK girl stood in the postofioe the
other day and yawned; stranger stepped up
and inquired if there we're any letters for Viii
liam Ambs. He thought it was the general
delivery window.-Bozeman Avant Courier.
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