Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1884-09-19
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hirnssS. eNadds tand answered. them
snnnaI Wien no one else wou]d re-
lponu), Tor all Of which he is rewaraed
1s ~ carefully audible whispers from h,s
ii;a s.y guests to the effect that hn ;s tho
VI me occasion-so conyiyial. 40
s"Nant, SO generally charming,
" d truth. he quite agrees With tbom.
hnu US a master stroke he rises glass in
hano' md says he has reached 7heNto
nlm anda all true men-most deliobtf,1
tert nsenlal part of the evenings en-
n .c,salnment, wherein he is permitted to
by , tribute to that lovely being with
T T.. mhom life would be indeed a waste,
=. 49,. IS edl for him to add that he re-
lers 10 woman. (Murmurs of applause
i ~ young officers and midshipmen.)
IL IS himself somewhat too elderly a
man, as Well as too Indifferent an ora
,or (Which he doesn't in the least be-
leve)' to 90 the young ladies Justice,
aa9 hence he is going to pursue a plan
VI ms own, and depute that pleasing
TASK 10 some younger gallant-say Mr..
- Casting his eye up the tablel
MIR. Dale, who, he feels confident, viii
accept. AS for himself. he cannot
anord to relinquish the lovely sex en-
tlrely-may his timbefs SILVER and his
lights go out when he does! So he in
tends reserving the matrons of maturer
years for his tender mercies. Being a
married man he is certainly more
capable of estimating them at their
worth, and with all his heart does he re-
spect, reverence-aye, and love such of
them as his wife will permit-and so
forth, and so on.
lurlng all this q young woman, who
thinks Mr.. Dale the most conceitcd man
in the world, has found herself Won
derlng what he will have to say about
young ladies and whether he will be as
fluent as that dear old Commodore.
whom she considers a second Demos
themes and an old gentleman who is
altogether fascinating from an %unsenti-
mental point of view.
The gallant Commodore at last, wish
a flourish of trumpets, drinks his wine
Electrically, and sits down, very much
pleased with himself and admired by
his guests. All eyes, including a pair
OF scornful brown ones, are now turned
to MI. Dale, who rises opposite the last
named orbs and looks across at them
with Il half ~quizzical, half d]eprecatory
smile. Then he chances coolly down
the table to the Commodore and
begins:
''Our worthy host could not have
made q more unfortunate selection for
this response than myself, and l fear
that before l have finished you will all
acquiesce in the opinion. A toast must
necessarily be u panygeric, and to a
man who has studied young ladies as !
have. from an..analytita and philosoph-
ical rather than a sentimental stand.
point, the subjects of my present adj
dress afford but meagre material for
eulogy. The fact is there is q great
deal of can't about Heavens last, best
gift to man and our better angels,
which we have adopted from the jargon
OF Fantastic chivalry-a chivalry which
existed in semi-barbaric, bygone ages,
when q nan felt called upon to &c
around and carve all of his fellowmen
who refused to acknowledge the SUI.
periority OF his particular divinity. And
this divinity was frequently no better
and no more beautiful than she should
have been. As a matter of fact, wome1
are not goddcsses-they are as clayey
as we are-their faults are equally nu'
merous; and any man who has gone
through the world with his eyes open
knows they are numbcrless. If Their
failings are somewhat more frivolous
and less grave than ours, it is because
they lack both opportunity and capac.
ity to become great offenders. Any
man who thinks will readily admit.
aye, and illustrate it by his own ex.
perien :e-that a boy of sixteen OF
eighteen years is nothing more or less
than u raw, unframed, mentally and
physically undeveloped Ego, who spends
ten years OF his after-life in wondering
how he could have been such q fool! ]
say many a man will admit this, and
vet he will talk endless bosh about
sweetness, and intelligence, and beauty
and thoughtfulness,' and Heaven knows
what imaginary virtues, in girls who
are no wiser and no less absurd than
he was at their age, with this addi
tional drawback, that many of then
never get over it! 1t is an unques-
tionable fact that there are many more
grown-up children among women than
men, principally because women's feel
ings generally control instead of he'
Judgment, if she have any. Setting
all this aside, I can say, with more
sincerity but less elegance than ou1
host, that | consider woman as a com
panion whose various imperfections o
mind and body make her a fit helpmee
for man. And if all of us looked a
them in this light there would be fewer
marriages, perhaps, but certainly fewe'
disappointments in marriage
With this the Hermit takes his sea-.
and on the spot all the ladies mental,
condemn him as a disagreeable, stupi'
man. not nearly SO nice us the dear OLE
Commodore; and now could he So.
such horrid things9
There is one exception to this genera
disfavor, for, with strange perversity
our brown eyes dwell on the Hermi
with something like approval, and sh
even ventures to nod and smile whel
he chances c%uriously at her.
There has been rather a damper cas-
on the c~onvivality, however, and tn
party soon breaks up, with the excep
ton of q few choice spirits, headed b.
the Commodore, who is a three-bottl
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