davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mineral argus., 1884-10-16
A Funny Story BY A Senator.

Bill Arp in the Atlantic Constitution.
heard Zeb Vance telling how he
captured the vote of a backwoods set
Element in North Carolina when he
first ran for Congress. He said he had
never been in that settlement and didn't
know the boys. He rode over the
mountains and found about sixty sover-
eigns at a crossroads grocery and he
got down and hitched his horse and be-
gan to make their acquaintance and
crack his Jokes around, and thought he
was getting along pretty well with them,
but he noticed an old man with shaggy
eyebrows and big brass ~spectacles
sitting on a chunk and marking In
the sand with a stick. The old man
didn't seem to pay and attention to
Vance, and after a while Vance con-
cluded that the old man was bellwether
of the flock and that it was necessary
to capture him, so he sided up close to
him and the old nan got up and shook
himself and leaned forward on his
stick and said solemnly: "This is Mr..
Vance, 1 believe?" eyes, sir" said
Vance. "And you have come over
here to see my boys about their votes,
1 believer" eyes, sir" said Vance,
''that is my business"
"Well sir" said the old man, "afore
you proceed with that business I would
like to ak you a few questions"
Certainly, sir, certainly" said
Vance.
"What church mout you belong toe"
said the old man.
That was a sockdologer-Vance
didn't belong to any church. He knew
that religion and meeting was a big
thing in the backwoods and controlled
their politics. but he didn't know what
their religion was, for North Carolina
was powerfully spotted. But he squared
himself for the responsibility and says
hel well now, my friend, l will tell
you about that, for it is a fair question.
OF course it is. Well, you see my
grandfather came from Scotland, and
you know that over in Scotland every
body is Presbyterian" Here he paused
to note the effect, but saw no sign of
sympathy with his grandpa.
"But my grandmother came from
England and over there everybody be-
longs to the Episcopal church" He
paused again and the old man marked
another mark in the sand and spit his
tobacco away off.
But my father was born in this coun-
try in a Methodist settlement. and so he
grew up a Methodist" Still no sign of
approval from the old man, and so
Vance took his last shot and said: "But
my good old mother was a Baptist, and
it's my opinion that a man has got to
go under water to go to heaven"
The old man walked up and taking
him by the hand said: "Well, you are
all right, Mr.. Vance, " and then turning
to the crowd said: "Boys, he'll do and
you may vote for him, 1 thought he
looked like a Baptist" And the old
man slowly drew a flask from his coat
tell and handed it to Vance to seal his
faith.
The Mineral argus., 1884-10-16
a Notable Cemeterv.

AOeaDAe cemetery.
In ancient days a saints remains q
they could be obtained. were bur;aa
near the altar of the church dedicated to
him. The relics of the holy man made
the place sacred, and so appealed to the
imagination that men desired 10 no
buried near the saint.
As the space was limited. the burials
in the church were restricted to the
bodies of men eminent for their piety
or high in rank. But those who could
not be buried close to the sacred re-
mains were anxious that their bodies
should repose as heal TO them as
possible. To crafty this pious wish the
churchyard wa consecrated as a burial.
place.
When churchyards in cities and towns
became unhealthy, cemeteries were es-
tablished IN the open country, where
the dead might be buried out of SIGHT.
but amid trees and flowers, natural
scenery and works of monumental art
De Amicis, in his "Spain," describes
the notable cemetery of Barcelona. He
says:
A silent city traversed bv long, de-
serted streets, flanked by straigh bit walls
of equal height, shut in at the end by
other walls.
The dead are placed in the walls
lengthwise, arranged in different rows,
like the books in a library. For every
casket there is a corresponding species
of niche in the wall, in which is writ
ten the name of the person buried.
Where no n is buried, the niche bears
the written word Propriedad, which sig
niies that the place has been purchased.
The majority of the inches are en-
closed by glass, others by gratings,
some by a fine wire netting, and con-
tain a viriety of objects, placed there in
honor of the dead by their respective
families, such as photographs, little al
tars, pictures, embroideries, artificial
flowers, and, not u%nfrequently, trifes
that were dear to them in life: ribbons,
necklaces, children's playthings, books,
pins and small pictures.
The family Of the dead are obliged
to pay a certain sum yearly for the niche.
When they cease to pay, the casket is
removed and carried to the common
ditch of the cemetery for the poor.
In an empty niche l saw a beautiful
lock of blonde hair, which had be-
longed to a young girl of fifteen who
had beed drowned. To it was attached
to a card on which was written, Quer-
ida Dear One.)
This portion of the cemetery belongs
to the middle class of the people, and
holds, within, two vast divisions. One
destined for the poor, Is bare, and
planted with great black crosses.
The other, set apart for the rich, and
larger than the first, is cultivated like
a garden, surrounded by chapels, rich,
varied and superb.
In the midst of a forest of willows
and Expresses, on every side columns,
shafts, enormous tombs, and marble
chapels overloaded with sculpture,
pyramids, groups of statues and monu-
ments, large as houses, which o~vertop
the highest trees.
Between the monuments are bushes,
gratings and hower-beds, and at the
entrance, between this and the other
cemetery, there is a superb marble
church surrounded by columns, half
hidden by the trees.
On leaving this garden one crosses
onc more the deserted streets of the
metropolis, which seems more silent
and sad than at ones first entrance.
The Mineral argus., 1884-10-16

the Chinaman photographed was a res
ident on United States territory before
the passage of the restriction act. Thus
the Chinese are run owe the line as
rapidly as they were permitted to land
at San Francisco. The people of Cali
fornia are greatly enraged at the con-
tinued attempts of judicial authorities
to override the Congressional enact
ments for the exclusion of the Chinese.
The Mineral argus., 1884-10-16

Smuggling Chinese immigrants
through from British Columbia INTO
Washington territory has become a
profitable business for photographers
and the makers of affidavits. The con-
trabands under the q. S. Chinese re-
striction act are landed in British Col
umbia, and they are got into the terri
tory of the United States by means of
a game played with photographs and
afidavits. The Cinnamon are photo
graphed in Victoria, and the photos are
sent to Seattle and exhibited to those
in the scheme, who do the swearing that
The Mineral argus., 1884-10-16

Secretary Lincoln returned to Washington
improved by his short rest. He will remain in
Washington the rest of the summer as Mrs.
Harlin, his Wife's mother, is so i'll that her
death is expected at any hour Mrs. Lincoln
spends her whole time at her mothers bed
side.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05

A few years agoeverything was Kan
sas. Everybody was going to Kansas.
Kansas had the best of land. raised the
finest crops, had the finest climate in
the world; her schools, churches, &C.,
could not be surpassed by any state in
Union. OF course. many people went
there, and with the the expectation Of
finding Kansas perfect Eldorado.
where all man had to do was to
to work and thing he wanted or
asked for would be his. To show how
far wrong this impression Is in ono
particular, ct least. we copy the follow
ing from letter received by 10 . few
days ago, from . gentleman living at
Endora, In that state: my wife don't
like this part Of the country very well.
I have three children and wish q
school them, and there ars NO Sshooh
here 10 amount to anything" Endors
10 in tho Eden Of Kansas, and II WHIST
this gentleman says y true, and ~
have no reason In the world for doubt
ing It, Great scott! what hosrihll
condition the rest Of the State muss n
n fof intelligence and schools, But
.poor old Missouri 10 contigpooe, and
and will furnish both Of ti,see requisites
Of advanced civilization
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05

The following 10 the order making an
appropriation Of $4,000 for repairing
the court house at Greenville:
Ordered by the Court that there be and
that there is hereby appropriated the sum Of
ten thousand dollars for the purpose Of
altering and repairing the courthouse at the
town Of Greenville, Wayne county, Missou-
ri; and that bonds Of said county to the said
amount of ten thousand dollars shall be is
sued for that purpose; that said bonds bear
interest at the rate Of 8 per cent per annum
and shall be payable at any time after five
years from the date Of issue thereof and any
time within ten years at the option Of the
County Court, that the Interest on said bonds
be payable semi-annually at Greenville, Mis-.
souri,. And that none Of said bonds shall be
issued to run for q longer time than ten
years, and that said bonds be made payable
at the Office Of the County Treasurer Of
Wayne county at Greenville, Missouri; that
said bonds shall not be issued In denomina-
tons larger than five hundred dollars.
Now, it may be none Of our business,
but we beg leave to suggest that tho
above lie unprecedented in the annals
of county court proceedings. The coun-
ty court Of Wayne county, without
first submitting the proposition to .
vote of the people, has no more right
to order the issue Of $40 900 bonds than
we have. 1t is merely discreditable
"roorbackn on the question of remov-
ny the county-seat to Piedmont, which
will come before the voters Of Wayne
county next fall.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05
Belleview Locals.
BY SQUIRE JONES.

-
Not "deadg 20
Not "sieepingv
But to busy hoeing 'statersn to write for
your most excellent paper. The Squire asks
pardon, and time to redeem himself.
Our base ball club went over to Caledonia
and played match game with the Caledonia
club, and got badly beaten. Il Is always
thus. We suggest that the Belleview club
now challenge the Black River club for q
game. They might beat a club Of raw coun.
try chaps.
Esq, has been here for short time. It IL
thought he is in search Of 8 wife. He has an
eye for women, we learn.
ssFulier" traded horses and got COW to
boot. He is now ready to keep house-or
will be when the cow brings calf. We will
make mill boss OF him.
Mr.. Smith, the Editor Of the Herald, still
grazes over here ut odd times. 1t IL thought
that he will take to himself soon one Of the
daughters Of men. II SO, we congratulate
him and hope him success.
John Roger has grown several inches tall
er this spring. Cause: his girl IL here close
at hand.
DIR. VIM. Walker was run into by an ILL.,
nois man two weeks ago. The DR.. looks
worse of the wear, but we believe he will
survive the shock.
John and Lille are expected to splice soon.
They will make good match-they are OF
the same "faith and order''.
The Belleview girls are blooming and
wasting their sweetness" &C., while the
widows good bless themp' are dourishing
like the sunfower.
Crops look fine. Wheat very good; oats
and grass look quite well.
Mr.. T. e. is hopping up the Champion
binder. My opinion, and 1t Is based upon
facts, is that the Champion Is the worst ma
chine in the whole outfit. Perhaps the Nc
Cormack is the best in the market. How
ever, time will prove all things.
Politically, we are for Tilden and Hem
bricks. We want General Grant sent to some
good poor house and kept out of bad COM
pany. We want to pension every man, wo.
man and child, giving to each about $40 per
month, and then we think the long prayed
for millennium will have been reached.
When the nominations are made and the
show opens, we will have something to say.
Meantime, we will try and give you some
home news.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05
Tunnel Driftings.

We have a new carpenter on our gang.
The first thing he wanted was a square with
the -hundredths on. Now, ii get one
with the inches on, it is close enough for me.
see they have Mr.. Rant on the survey
ing gang this week. Now, don't see what
they want to take green hand like him,
when they can get old hands who have help
ed to lay off many strings ct rail fencing
where they used the old woman's clothes
line for chain, and long, straight saplings
with white rags on them, for lining poles.
The instrument used was joint of small
stove-pipe laid over,a boys shoulder, and
we didn't know what Il compass was.
Harry Procunio is making great improve
ment. He is having his machine shop en-
larged to twice the present size. He has al
so taken the monstrous engine, that was
used for blowing the furnace, all to pieces,
aud has it scattered promiscuously and piled
about the large engine-room. Now to look
at it you would hardly think that they would
ever put it together again, but Harry knows
his business, for when he took charge here
there were some fancy pieces of machinery
that his predecessor, nor any of his assist
ants knew what use they were for. 1 believe
some of them pronounced them lung -tessrs,
but Harry soon put them i'm their proper
places, and they were a very important part
of the m achinery. He soon showed every
body about the place that it was almost i'm
possible to run the machinery without them.
Mr.. Procunio has also made valuable i'm
provement in the method of transmitting
dry steam from the boilers to the engines,
week.
I visited the company's carpenter-shop
where all kinds of woodwork are turned
Bout. Mr.. Gunton Is the "main shaft" of
this establishment. He has some tip-top
workmen. Mr.. Henry vasteling is his right
bower. Mr.. Gogel will be found always in
the shop doing about all of the fancy and
close-fitting work, such as sashes, blinds,
doors, desks, and many other things. He is
a first-class carpenter; also a temperate and
Woodworking man. He was crippled very
badly here some two years ago, cutting him.
self In the knee with foot-adze, and, after
q severe illness i'm the hospital at st. Louis,
came home with crooked limb, which am
sorry to think he will carry for life. work
ed sometime beside Mr.. Gogel, and know
him well. Mike thinner is young and quito
handsome, but 10! he is now a family man.
He does all the wagon work. IN his line I
think he is perfect. MIR. Hogan is house,
carpenter, and a first-class one. Mr.. James
Grayham was one of US. He used TO work
on the hill In the carpenter-shop, but since
he has been promoted TO the lower shop, he
will hardly speak to us any more. have
this to cay for him: he il good, sober, in
dustrious man.
l went over to the furnace. They have
had the bottom of the stack underneath the
boiler and the hot-blast oven all torn up.
There saw Capt. Bebee standing over some
Of those large fire-bricks Ratchet or battle.
axe, or whatever you sallit, In onehands and
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05

Annapolis, Mo-, June End, 1884.
Business dull.
Farmers are very busy.
The mumps are still prevalent here.
"Peter" has ceased to sigh, and we pre-
lager, "rlunket," Ell?
Rev. McClintock, Of Piedmont, preached
to US Sunday night.
Poor old "Peter'' was unfortunate again
Saturday night. He was unable to walk
home alone; SO he hired a cheap boy to sleep
in the store.
Miss Lille FOWL returned from Potosi
Saturday night.
Judge Emerson, w. r. Edgar, ESQ.,, and
others, of Ironton, and Col. w. II. McCown,
of Piedmont, spent short time in our city
Friday.
Mon Ansi. "Gip," got badly left at a party
recently. No use trying, my boy; you're
n.g.
d. A. johnson, Geo. Cooley, Harry Hart
and C. o. Rockwell spent Friday fishing in
Black River, and returned with about $50
pounds of fine fish.
"Peter" is such an extensive traveller him.
self, don't wonder he ia so smart. He has
no doubt travelled the entire length and
breadth of Iron county, from the flourishing
city of Belleview to our future metropolis,
Ironton; thence to Annapolis, where he now
fourishes as unto a withered vine. Yea
"Peter," am filed with awe.
Mrs. Dobbs died Saturday night, after a
lingering illness, and was buried yesterday.
Miss z. Miller went to Ironton Saturday.
Will some one please look her up and return
her here by first train:
Mr.. j. S. Benson is having his hotel re-
paired and fitted up in first class style, and
has added several new rooms.
Some weeks ago, while our Base Ball Club
were coming from Sebula on hand-ca the
car ran over a torpedo which exploded, and
fragment struck Willie Towl on the right
arm. The wound was not considered dam
gerous, until Saturday night it became known
that he was bleeding to death. Failing 30
get surgeon from st. Louis Immediately,
he was taken to the city by Messers Carr,
Towi and May, where we learn he is doing
well.
Mrs. r. A. Clsrkson and Master Eddie are
visiting relatives at Des Arc.
''Storm OF Indignation" indeed ssPeter,''
you are the only indignant looking person
around here. Look out we will bury you
again.
Mr.. Z. F. Elomeyer, our station agent, re-
sumed work last Wednesday. Mr.. C. G..
Miller left for parts unknown Ito the writer).
He will probably turn up in the shape Of a
rain-dispatcher. His many friends here
wish him success.
Our young folks had very pleasant boat
ride last Thursday.
Mr. Cyrus Hart left for St. Louis yesterday.
In conclusion, let me advise ''Peter Plum
kett" that II he does not want me to write
more about him he had better notify ye ed
itor to trefuse to publish anything in re.
gardn to "Peter." And, Mr.. sPiunket,'
please don't task any odds" of me. Ta-Ta,
mon cher Peter" I'll meet you when the
beer Is cool.0 SILVER STAR.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05

IRONTON, Mo-, June I'd, 1884.
Ed. Regtster-Your correspondent speaks
from tunnel driftings Oil Pilot Knob, but he
Is very good on beer driftings. Last Satur
day night he came into a certain saloon.
There was a little music going on. The
band leader being in good humor, dished
out two glasses of very good lager, and said,
"Come, Ed" He meant Ed. and his part
nsr, Mr.. D., from the city, leader of an Ital-
ian band. But, as the bartender looked
away, Ed. drank both glasses of beer; he
never thought about his partner, Mr.. D..
The bartender said then: Say, Mr.. 1 don't
call that tunnel drifting! That's ''beer
drifting" But guess Mr.. D., will get even
with him.
Yours Respectfully,
DurcHxAN.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05
A Walking Skeleton.

Mr.. 4. Springer, of Mechanicsburg, Penn,
writes: 81 was afflicted with lung fever and
abscess on lungs, and reduced to acdlking
Skeleton. Got a free trial bottle of DIR.
Kings New Discovery for Consumption,
which did me SO much good that bought a
found myself once more a man, completely
restored to health, with hearty appetite,
and gain in flesh of 4S lbs." Call at p. r..
Crisp's Drug Store and get free trial bottle
of this certain cure for all Lung Diseases
Large bottles $1.00. 8
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05
Thousands Say So.

Mr.. T. W. Atkins, Girard, Kan, writes:
ST never hesitate to recommend your Elec-
trio Bitters to my customers, they give en-
tire satisfaction and are rapid Sellers" Elec.
trio Bitters are the purest and best medicine
known and will positively cure Kidney and
Liver complaints. Purify the blood and
regulate the bowels. No family can afford to
be without them. They will save hundreds
OF dollars in Doctors bills every year. Sold
at fifty cents bottle by p. r. Crisp. 8
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05
Personal.

Geo. Spencer, Esq, with Douglas = Coz
st. Louis, was In town last Saturday.
Jno. Davis, Of Piedmont, was here Friday.
Hon. John II. Morse, Of Morss's NH, cane
didate for Congress- In this district. was n
town Friday.
VIM. Worthey. Of HopewelI. Pa. was In
town Wednesday.
J. A. Richardson was in town Wednesday.
Messrs. J. p. Lindsay and Robt. Carter
spent Sunday In Ironton.
Mr.. Joe Reyburn was In Ironton Tuesday.
Capt. B. Zwart attended circuit court at
CentrevilIe last week.
X. Weber was in town last Friday.
Mrs. J. B. Walker went to Piedmont FRI
day.
Misses Henrietta and Della Lopez return
ed home Friday evening.
Mrs. D. Taylor, OF De Soto. was In the
Valley Friday.
Mr.. Jas. Wiley CAME up from the Silver
Mines, last Saturday, to meet his daughter.
who arrived here ON No. /.
Mr.. Jos. Gregory, Of Dontphan, Is In the
Valley, visiting relatives and friends.
Miss Zenana Miller, who is teaching school
| at Annapolis, spent Saturday aud Sunday In
Ironten, the guest Of Miss Minnie Tong.
C. R. Peck left Sunday night, to attend the
Republican National Convention, at Chicago.
Thos. Pigg, Of the Pennington Nescs, and
Albert O. Allen, Of the New Madrid Record,
called to see US Monday night. They were
| on their way to the Southeast Missouri
Press Association, which convened at Pied
mont last Tuesday.
+. Scoville, after about weeks absence,
returned home Saturday.
Harry B. Axe land wife" left Ironton
Monday night, for Parmly. whore he will re-
sumo work as agent.
Sheriff Turner, OF Butler county, came up
on No. 4. Saturdsy-he had company.
w. II. Byers left for the city Tuesday.
w. d. Pratt, of near DE Lassus, Is here to
| stay some time.
Charles Kindel, of De Soto, made Ironton
q visit last week.
Miss Cox. Of Belleyiew, was in Ironton
Monday.
Mr.. and Mrs. W. H. Thomson spent Sun
day in the Valley.
Miss Hattie James has returned home
from De Soto.
Miss Nellie Browning went to Piedmont
| Monday.
Miss Laura Brown, of st. Louis county, 10
here visiting her sister, Mrs. Prince.
Our young friend, David Kindel, Of Dem
yer, Colorado, is in town visiting his parents.
We welcome you, Dave, and wish you sue
| cess.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05

No snowy advertisement is needed to pre-
sent the claims Of Coussens Honey of Tar,
which has, by merit alone, Wen its way to the
confidence of the people, and received their
endorsement as the best remedy ever known
for Coughs, Colds, Hoarseness, Bronchitis,
and all disease of the Throat and Lungs.
For sale at p. r. Crisp's New Drug Store.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05

IRoNroN, No., June Sd, 1884.
Notice is hereby given to all who are in-
debted to me, by note or otherwise, to come
forward and settle ut once. Unless q settle
ment IL made by the list of July, 1884, claims
will be handed to my attorney Tor collection.
JAS. BUEORD.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05
Store and Shop South Side OF Court
HouselSquare,NI ronton.

II any Of your family is afflicted with
sores or eruptions Of the skin, impurity of
the blood or rheumatism they will find DIR.
JACKsoN's BLOOD AND HUMoR SYRUP a
positive and reliable cure. For sale by p.
r. Crisp and Pilot Knob Drug Store.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05

To the youngster who has sprain, as well
as the old gentleman who suffers from Rheu-
matism, Lame Back, or Neuralgia, Coussens
Lightning Liniment, affords relief which
such suffers can appreciate. Owners OF val.
uablehorses also rejoice to know there il such
remedy as this liniment for SPAWN, Ring
bone, Scratches, Calls cts. For sale at r. r.
Crisp's New Drug Store.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05
Free Distribution.

"What causes the great rush at r. r.
Crisp's Drug Store.v The free distribution
Of sample bottles of DIR. Bosanko's Cough
for Coughs, Colds, Consumption and Bron-
chitis now on the market. Regular Size 80
cents and 81.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-06-05
seethe mems 500 Wool Suits, It Bonanza

A large second story ro3mfor rem. Coult
be used for residence BY . small family
Apply to q. A. Mossl.