The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1884-08-02
Burdette's Experience With an
Album.
Burdette in the Chicago Ne11s.

Bwdette an the Chicago NeUs.
She was a serious sort of woman,
Mrs. Squaretop, and never smiled at my
feeble joke as she handed me the album
to look over until her husband came in
from the field. l had just engaged
summer board.
am a man accustomed to family
photograph albums. You can't tool me
on them. l have sat up with them
from Halifax to Denver, and l know
them by name and sight. Pa and ma
and that's grandpa and that's grandma
and here's Uncle George and this is an
aunt of pas, she's very wealthy and has
no children, and pas her favorite
nephew; and this isa young lady went
to school with, and this is brother
Henry and this is cousin Sue and this is
aunt Hattie's baby and this is young
man Henry went to school with, and
do you know who this is2 An, you.
now l won't listen to another word, it
amt bit like me anyhow, it's horrid,
afd-tl,io 10 -pa,s-elv.h- s..d tLis- -is--te
he, he-young man-no, l won't tell
you his name, he lives, in Kickapoo,
and this in-Oh, my son, you can't
strand me on photograph albums. |
know just where the family ends and
the strangers file in.
So I praised everybody's ugly, fiat,
expressionless, staring, stupid mug in
Mrs. Squaretop's album, and hit every
thing all right on the first and second
quarter, and was coming along splendid
ly, and drew up on the strangers just
about in sight of the distance pole, and
usually feel little tired then, and rest
myself on the strangers.
sAnd who," l said airily, sis the
placid old female who had her face
ironed out while it was soft?"
"That was Mrs. Squaretop's mother"
Mrs. Squaretop said, half smiling, and
I felt elated. Evidently the old lady
was not so placid as she looked.
''And old Before taking" | said,
"this forlorn old ghost just disappearing
into his shady collar!"
That was Mrs. Squaretop's great un-
Gle, a grand old man, one of the sign
ers of the Declaration of Independence.
That is, he would have signed it, she
explained, onlythe soliciting committee
got all the signatures they wanted just
before they got to him. I had struck a
snag, but not bad one. The uncle
was out Of place, anyhow. He ought
to be run down. laughed and said:
"This old boy who has just been
blown up in a powder mill-did his
friends know that he contemplated this
photograph" ?"
That was her fathers cousin who was
dear to her. 1t has always been consid-
cred by good judges an excellent pic
ture. She said it again, and left out
the good and placed the emphasis on
plain, unadorned judges. Somehow l
wish she wouldn't:
/ next found ''pirate stricken with
remorse," which proved to be her halt
brother, who she loves more dearly than
any of her own brothers, and then
tried 10 even up by praIs1ng tire dngUfit
face on the opposite page. All, there
was face for a man to love! there wa:
a countenance to shine in a mans home
and his heart with sunlight-Ah-hl
1t was Mr.. Squaretop's first wife.
Then l went at it again and tried tc
check the falling thermometer by say
ing that the imbecile with curly hail
would look less like an ass if he had
simply had his hat photographed as thai
was evidently what he had borrowed
that silk tile for, but as the imbecile
was Mrs. Squaretop's dearest cousin II
was failure, and l settled down for
final effort on the "squab with the snut
nose" and wondered if he had as many
brains as he had buttons and freckles.
adding that it was marvellous how aw-
fully black red hair always took in
photograph. Itwas Mrs. Squaretop's
eldest son, now at West Point, and was
greatly relieved by the entrance oi
Mr.. Squaretop, Sr., at that moment
He bowed, and waited for an intro
duction. 1 got it.
"This was Mr.-ah-,''she said.
"Featherly," 1 said, bowing.
"Leatherhead," she accepted sweet
ly; "he came to look at the two rooms
in the south wing, but I think they viii
hardly suit him. They are scarcely
airy enough"
l didn't want them to think l wa:
running away or was frightened, and SC
1 sauntered down the road after
said good-by, with slow motions, but
taking awful strides. So l wasn't five
hundred yards down the road before
Mr.. Squaretop emerged over the orchard
fence, called on me to stop minute.
He might as we'll have asked me to stoI
a whole week. A man clad in the ha
biliments of plowboy isnot arrayed fol
foot-race, and before 1 was quite
across the county line he had given Ut
the chase.
1 still retain unimpaired my excellent
voice for photograph albums, but | have
no patience with people who scatter
thoir relaei~oo oll tho ~voy +l,-n"eh then,
What shall it profit visitor if he wade
safely and gracefully through twenty
nine pages, and then founder in hun
| T. L