The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1884-10-08
OCT. 8.
yAAsA VARIETIES.

.'the good God has brought You a little
brother" "Oh! I'm so glad. Does
mamma know it?"
Stage scene-''H ullo, Bob! the coach
IS full. Guess We'll have to strap you be-
hind" Bob-"No you don't had
enough of that when was boy.''
An Irish magistrate asked prisoner
if he was married. "No, replied the
man. "Then, replied his worship, amid
peals OF laughter, sit is good thing for
your wife" ttt a0 fgsr
Come away from that straw stack,
chile, called negro woman to her son.
.'Fust thing yer know yer'll hab de hay
lever. Doan yer put none OBJ dat straw
in yer mouf.
If you do not stop your coughing, SIR"
said testy and irritable judge. "I'll
fine you hundred pounds 'I'll give
your lordship two hundred if you can stop
it for me, = was the ready reply.
A Buffalo merchant says that he never
knew woman who handled other peo-
pies money, to steal cent The
insinuation that they never steal less than
live dollars is mean and malicious.
my DEAR said an anxious marion to
her daughter "it is very wrong for young
people to be throwing kisses at each
other" "Why so, mamma? I'm sure
they don't hurt, even if they do hit"
An absent-minded st. Louis person
asked disconsolate widower whose wife
had been buried the week before
''Well, Mr.. Brown, how does your wife
stand the heath" They do not speak
now.-Ialtinlore Day.
$50 your wife is dead?'' said the Gov
ernor of Arkansaw to a rural aequaint-
ance. "No she amt dead'' 'NWhy /
heard some time ago that she was dy-
ing!' eyes, | thought that she was
dyin', Guv'ner, but airter all she hus
seled round and disappointed nae. y
4rkdnSatc Traveller.
The neatest fraud in Saratoga is said
to be a girl who is apt at making such
very disingenuous remarks as this -
''Deary me, Sophy, you have just the
same perfume in your scent bottle that
tache" And then she wonders wide
eyed what they are laughing at.
From Paris: ''She is as old as her
husband, but she conceals the dreadful
fact. She said, one day; My husband
is 10. There is just two years difference
between my husband and myself And
the friend was mean enough to reply;
is it possible? Why, declair you look
as young as he isl t&s8n
1t was "a case of breach of promise
The evidence being all in, the defendant
was allowed to say word in his own be-
half -3Nes,' he said, 81 kissed her
almost continually every evening / cal-
l. I. Ia
calimaant8s'Then you confess it." De-
fendent-"Yes do confess it but had
to do it" Lawyer--"Had to do it !!
What do YOU mean ?'' "That was the
only way could keep her from singing. ;"
The jury gave a verdict for defendant
without leaving their seats.-Retroit Post.
Speaking of proud men," said red
nosed man in a Harlem grocery on
Saturday, "the proudest man know is
old Jacob Solomon. He never allows
any man to say word against anything
he has He carries it almost too far. A
few weeks ago Solomon and were sit
ting in Jake's, drinking beer, when two
Young Hebrews came in and sat down at
the next table. We could hear every
thing they said.
"Vell, Isaac said one, chow did you
enchoy the summer"
s'First rate" replied the other; 81
was up to the Catskills."
''Ish dat so? | was up dare myself de
summer pefore. BY de way, Isaac, did
YOU see that pretty leedle woman dot
goes by the name of Rachael?"
81 should smile if didn't"
"Did you kiss her?"
''Vell, of didn't you can use mly head
as pase ball.
$50 did 1. so,did I. Vat do you tink
of herr"
Il tink she is the worst kissing ever
saw
$50 do l."
'Then old Solomon, who had been
wrapped mp in the conversation, inter
rupted:
sFYou say, shentIemen dot you kissed
dot woman, and she wasn't good kissimg.?"
''It's nome of your pizness vat vesay !;
but l tell you old mann, she wasn't worth
dime.
Don't say dat, shentleman. You
mustn't say dat know peter. She rs
COON kissing"
"Vhat do you know apout Rachael :
they exclaimed together
''Everydigs- She is nay wife,"