Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1884-10-22
Men Who Bury.

Does not your business make You
.sd and eloomy7 1t would seem that
constantly coming in contact with IN
tense grief must inevitably Affect your
spirits,
mot bit of it. Undertakers away
from their business are the Iolliest sci
OF men living. You know it is said that
clowns and comedians are very APP TO
5s grave in private life, because their
york consisting in being funny 1t Is re
!axation for them to be serious. just
so with an undertaken. He must We'r
4 uournful counteIsnce and Affect grlef
or NJ least mournful sympathy as very
important part of his business, snd
bence il is in itself recreation for him
TO throw all that off AMI he lively and
cheerful. I think Dick rs errs In max
iug Mark Tapley think OF an under
takers life as one IN which he could De
iOiy under difficulties. L think 1t
lie naturally calculated TO make man
iolly- not only for the reason i have Just
mentioned, but because II has an ln-
tspsely humorous side and because the
ysry funniest things | hsve ever seen III
real life have been occurrences at or IN
connection with funerals, To many oi
the SO called lower classes the burial OF
a friend is an occasion for mirth and
endowment, and l am not sure that they
do not really mourn quite as sincerely
as those who wear long faces. Ie-
member offic ating at the funeral ot
noted saloon keeper many years ago,
and on the road 10 the cemetery we
encountered the cortege Of rivai pub
hcan. 4 race between the two funerals
was quickly improvissd, aud we we're
soon tearing along at such a furious
rate that when our hearse bounced over
4 large stone IN the road its doors flew
open. the coffin fell TO the ground and
burst open and the corpse of my client
if | may so designate him-rolled
out.
some people attend every funeral
they ca hear Of, simply because they
have y mania for doing so, and many
GO to ENJOY the drive to and from the
gave.
al knew one old lady OF the latter
GLASS who would 60 TO every funeral IN
her nelghborhood and would weep over
the corpse so profusely and desctEt
upon the deceased's virtues so eloquent
ly that the undertaken would infslllbly
feel It his bounden duty to ask her
name and have it put down in one of
the best place Oh the carriage list.
You know Sidney Smith says: For the
heartiest mirth and ] llity in the world
commend me to the last carriage At a
funeral
Speaking of humor ID connection
with funerals, | remember burying the
wife of prominent iron manufacturer
who never lost an opportunity OF sdyer-
tisIDg his business. He purchased a
lot IN a cemetery winch need not name
and surrounded IL with a very orns-
mental fence of his own manufacture.
After | had laid his good lady to rest
within If he erected TO her memory
handsome tombstone, on which were
carved these words: Here lies Mrs.
Annie b, wife of Robert B,
proprietor Of the - Iron Works,
where the elegant fence around this lot
wss manufactured. Similar ones made
TO order.
Many years ago, when l first went
INTO the business, there lived in Con-
shohOcken family whom l will call
Meeder. The husband died and 1 WAS
called IN. He had been 8 very hand
some man and his wife had been very
much devoted to hIm. In making out
the list OF people for the carriages
arranged 10 have the widow. as WAS
always the custom at that time, accom-
panied by her late husbands brother,
whose features were as repuls.vely ugly
IS the dead mans had been handsome,
When l came to read my list at the
funeral and the widow learned of my
arrangement for the first time. she no
sooner heard her name read In conlunc-
ton with that of her honely brother
in-law than she screamed out before all
the people: 4 won't go with that tarnsl
ugly iookIn' critter, but I'll follow
Meeder wherever re goes
AT the funeral Of a very aged Quaker
gentleman which ] once directed on
Arch street, his widow, ali old lady OF
eighty years, walked into the room
where he lay IN his coffin abOut quar-
ter of an hour before the time set for
the funeral and sat down at the feet OF
the corpse. Taking out her knitting
she began to work at 1t very indus
triously. Her granddaughter observing
her with great surprise, said: Why,
grandma, surely you wouldn't knit at
poor grandpa's funersi?'
Wal, responded the good old dame.
Il Jest thought might as well draw out
a few threads while the people were
gsth'ring.
sis it true, as alleged by the late
Charles Reade and others, that physI-
clans receive a commission from under
takers for recommending them?'
Yes, indeed, sir; and 20 do clergy,
men, sad what's more, | don't mind
telling you ID confidence. but please
don't put Ii in the paper, thst have
known physicians in cases where they
we're sure OF the undertaker's commits
sion but very doubtful about getting
the amount of their bill. not TO exert
themselves too much TO have the pa
tient recover. Very mean and unpro.
fsssionsl on their part, to be sure, for
the undertaken pays their commission
and never gets cent for the funeral" q"