The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-01-03
WIT AND HUNIoR.


and bootjacks at the tomcat.
Freckles have become very fashiona-
ble. The Princess Louise and all the
other nice girls have them.
| What relation does the doorstep
bear to the door-matp It's step
| father.
"My DEAR" said wife to her rich
but illiterate husband; Il want $500"
"What furPn he inquired. ''Sealskin
fur, she said, and she got it.
There is very little satisfaction in hav-
ing man fined FIVE dollars for an as
sault if You have to pay your own law
yer ten dollars.
The Washington milkmen are not al
lowed to ring bells, as they disturb the
slumbers of the policemen. They
might be allowed to use dumb-bells.
The editor of the Yonkers Record, in
announcing the suspension of his pa
| per, said: Warm as the weather is,
it is cold day for the Record.
| We observe that the son of an Indian
chief is learning to be a plumber.
| This will enable him to scalp people
| without the aid of knife.
1
| wrote Oliver Goldsmith, but Oliver
| didn't stop to consider that the man
| who is going to build house wants
lot.
Mary Churchill has got her "mad up'
and now practices eighteen hours day
| on the piano. 1t is reported that her
father and mother are missing. How
| things do change about.
''Those picture cards brought back
from Boston" remarked Mrs. Parting
| ton in pensive mood. "They are
momentums of the Art Loan Imposi-
| tion."
"Waiter, bring me eleven raw oys-
| ters." s'We don't give eleven, sir; we
| give six or twelve. - mo, twelve would
never do; we should be thirteen at
| table!n
The surviving friends of the hero of
| Longfellow's Excelsior" did not get
| any damages from the company, as at
| the time of his death he was travelling
| on pass.
The Connecticut boy who has third
| arm growing out of the back will be
able to scratch himself between the
shoulder blades without resorting to
| the corner of a building.
Professor of Chemistry: '.The sub
| stance you see in this vial is the most
deadly poison of all poisons. A single
| drop placed on the tongue of cat is
enough to kill the strongest man."
During the thick fog the other even
| ing Com Com took poor blind man
| by the hand and led him to his door,
Telling the story to friend on the
following day, he cried: ''It is terrible
to be blind in such fog
The Louisville Courier-J0urnaI has
evidently been there. 1t says Woman
among savages is beast of burden; in
Asia she is piece Of furniture; in
| Europe she is spoiled child; in Ameri-
ca she is a boss. ."-1oledo Blade.
Philadelphia on New York: sWhat
has become of 'Bowery Mike who
| kept a saloon which was a resort for
notorious characters some years agop'
He is in the Legislature. 'And his
partner, where is hep" 'tHe got found
out, and is in the Penitentiary."
If at any time you desire the wind to
I change.suddenly, take pan of ashes,
| 90 into the back yard, and, facing the
direction that you desire the wind to
| blow from, quickly empty your pan.
All who have ever tried this rule have
| never found it to fail.
A Lafayette lady model wife and
| mother broke her husband of the sa-
loon habit by walking up to the bar
beside him and calling for beer. A
Cincinnati woman tried that, but her
husband only replied ''Now you're
acting sensible; here, John, two schoon-
ers
A young lady in Cincinnati is engag-
ed to be married on certain day pro-
vided she is found to weigh 125 pounds
at that time but if she weighs less or
more than 125 pounds the engagement
is to be broken. Probably such a ri
diculous weigh of making an engage
ment was never heard before.
Johnny" said the teacher. ''a lie
can be acted as well as told. Now, if
your father were to put sand in his
sugar and sell it, he would be acting a
lie and doing very wrong" That's
what mother told him." said Johnny
impetuously, land he said he didn't
care"
|By Jove! there goes my BIRDIE"
exclaimed a swell, dodging around the
corner and dragging his companion
after him. 'Where is shep" excitedly
asked the latter. sit isn't she. It's
my tailor Your tailor! Why do
you call him your birdieP" because
he is always presenting his bill
''See here" said an editorial writer,
calling the editor-in-chief, ''that fellow
on the Wolfville Scalp has produced an
an argument that l cannot answer.
What shall | do with him?' 'Let me
see,' unused the editor, looking over
the argument. 81 reckin you had bet
ter call him liar and drop the contro-
versy. ."-Arkansdao TrdUeter.
The man who was about to marry for
the sixth time, and who replied, "We've
usually sot," when asked by the minis
ter to stand up, has been heard from
again. He recently led No. z to the
altar, and, when asked for the ring,
replied, ''Parson, I've hooked onto six
of EN- without ring, and we kin git
along this time. I'll try and remem-
Der it in future, though"
Let no one say after this that an In
dian cannot laugh as well as a white
man. There is young Indian here
who makes fat living by laughing as
a profession. He will laugh five min
utes for five cents, and it is well worth
it. Such a ringing, continuous laugh
would drive the blues out of the Tories
of Lennox.-T'oronto Globe.
''How is it you never married, Char
ley?" 30, | don't know, except that 1
remained single from choice" ''Why,
l heard that you tried to get that Podg-
kins girl year or two agoP" Yes;
did ask her to marry me-" "And she
wouldn't have you?n That's about
the size of it. So | remained single
from choice-her choice, you know
''Yes," the tall, thin passenger adj
mitted, ga crying baby is indeed sore
trial But then you must remember