The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1884-03-14
VARIETIES.

| "A maiden effort-Trying to catch hus.
band.
"A game which is played on the square,
Checkers.
What is the difference between the north
and south poles All the difference in the
world
q hear" said Mrs, Fishwhacker, "that
MT. wilson's son took the diploma at Yale
last year. / always said Yale was an awful
unhealthy city !"
"A Boston woman has discarded her net
pug and gone to petting her husband, and
her set" have gone back on her ON account
OF her plebeian tastes.
Does hanging diminish the number of
murders?" shreks q contemporary opposed
70 capital punishment. 1t may not, but there
is one thing certain, it dlminshes the num-
Der OF murderers.
A lady was reproducing Mr.. William
warren, the Boston actor, at q recent recep
tion ior going into society so little. "You
ought 10 let me lionize you a little" she said.
Il never heard of but one man." replied
the veteran actor, "who was not spoiled bv
being lionizrd." "And who was he :"
Daniel"
"A poor lrishman was asked by a Judge
II certain witness, with whom he protested
to be acquainted, was of good character
ell, your honor" was the reply, che rades
the Boible, plays the fiddle, he never whins
the old woman, and now and thin he takes n
drop of good whisky. don't know what
more you could say Tor any man."
Little Nell: "What church were Won
married In, grandma p Grandma: 81 was
not married in. a church, dear" Little Nell
Were you married at home ?" Gandma
q
away with your grandpa" Little Nell,
Mercy, me! I'd never run away with such
iussy old gentleman as grandpa"
"A child, while walking tbroupb IN ar,
gallery with her mother, was attracted by n
statue of Minerva. "Who is that ?" said She
MY child, that is Minerva the goddess of
wisdom" why didn't they make her hus-
Dand, too" Because she had none, my
child THAT was because she was wise
wasn't it, mammal" was the artless reply.
1t was in Latin class, and a dull boy
was wrestling with the sentence, "Rex fugit,"
which, with painful slowness of emphasis
he had rendered, The king fees" But in
what other tense can the verb fugir be
found Z" asked the teacher. A long scratch
ing OF the head and final answer "Perfect"
owing to whispered prompting "And how
would you translate it then ~
=, Duh ho. ny, put mas In 1t. Again
the tardy emphasis drawled out, "The king
has fees"
"A notorious scamp, much affected in
revival, once went to Jonathan Edwards and
said to him in the religious parlance of the
time: Il realize that am the chief of sinners"
Glad to hear it," replied the dominic; "your
neighbors have long realized it," 81 feel"
persisted the whining penitent, chat am
willing to be damned for the glory of God"
wen, replied the hard hearted preacher, "a
don't know anybody around here that would
have the slightest objection"
Jones had been out in the woods, and on
his return had his arms full of what he fond
~ supposed were mushrooms.
What have you got there he was asked :"
Mushrooms" proudly replied Jones, "and
they are daisy ones too
Let me look at them," said his friend.
These are not mushrooms"
What are they, then ?" demanded Jones.
"They are toadstools and are very poison
GUS. Why, lost six hogs once who died
from the effects of eating toadstools."
SIS that SOP" said Jones, with visible
alarm and casting them from him in disgust,
then it woudn'tdo for me to eat them, OF
coureoo ' ~