The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1884-12-26
CHRISTMAS WAITS AND STRAYS
BATCH OF HOLIDAY HUMoR GATHERED m
FROM ALL QUARTERS,

GREEN Christmas makes a lean liveryman.
CHRISTMAS PREsENT-The one just at hand.
| PLEASANT salute-the bong CHS Of the Christ
mas tree.
DRESSING Christmas tree cannot make itI
| look any more spruce.
CAPITAL presents for Christmas or any other
| time-Presence of mind
"GoT anything for a Christmas preseDt2"ll
asked Plumbottle of Dolby. yes" WHAT"
| SCOT left"
If the children ask how Santa Claus got
down the chimney, tell them h. hue down In
| his winter SCOT.
Now THAT Christmas is approaching, it is o.
good time for young men to watch the girl
Let it be gold watch, how ever.
| DR.. HOLMES once said, indeed, that Chris"
tianity is the flag under which nations sail,
not the rudder by which they steer
| TINS is the time of the year at which a man
gives his wife money in order that he may be
| surprised with Christmas present
HAVE faith in Santa Claus and hang up
| your stocking. He has never teenSBnown to
steal one, even If he didn't put tnything in IT, \
| name a clause in our National Constitu
| tion," said q teacher just before Christmas.l
Santa Claus !" shouted happy-eyed urchin. N
"IF old Santa Claus comes down the CHM
ney he must be sooty fellow" said Tommy.
| well, he just suits me, anyway, chimed in
| Charlie.
A LITTLE Brookfynite, on hearing her father
read Mexican history about Santa Anna, sud-
denly exclaimed ooh, papa, is Santa Anna the
wife of Santa CLAUSE"
"SAY sis, does Sandy Claws fetch the
snow ?' Guess he does, Johnny !' 'No he
don't neither" "Why don't hep because
he always fetches the reindeer"
In buying Christmas presents it is better for
your peace of mind to take the first thing that
strikes your fancy rather than to look at some
| thing else. To hesitate is to be lost.
THERE are lots Of men in this country mean
enough to put off upon the wife, who expects
seal skin sacque for Christmas, a cheap ring
ornamented with glass-house diamond.
On Christmas Day the happy urchin Of two
will roll around on the nursery floor, and break
the yellow legs off the purple camel, and get
sick from chewing too hard on his green head.
IT IS now that the business man begins to
practice writing 1885" in place of 1882
hoping to become proficient enoughito guard
against profanity for insulating letters after
January first.
IT was Christmas Eve, and they had been
propounding conundrums. why are you
like the Christmas treeY" queried she. "Be-
cause tits ever green, suppose" "Oh, no; it's
because you look so spruce !?
YOUR wife hustles out of the room when you
find scraps of zephyr or pieces of cloth on the
floor. You don't know what it means-but you
will Christmas morning.
EVERY Chicago girl will hang up her stock
ing this year, as heretofore-and she will be
ready to accept anything you may place within
it-from u brown stone front to parlor grand
or $500 solitaire finger ring.
The current catch is to ask your friend if
Christmas and New Years come in the same
year. Not few people will promptly answer,
''No of course they don't, and a half minute
later they feel sick over their own mental
weakness.
AFTER Santa Claus had put cabinet organ,
q seal skin sacque, a lap robe, a box of gloves
and q Websters Unabridged Dictionary in o
Chicago girls stocking, and saw that it wasn't
more than half full, he was seen to climb out
on the roof, sit down in the snow and weep
bitterly.
The man who presented his wife last Christ
mas with dinner-kettle in which to put up
his dinner on work-day mornings is puzzled to
determine what gift would be most appropriate
this year. He has almost decided upon
briar-wood pipe for his wife to fill for him
during future hours OF recreation at home.
WHEN a young man of Japan falls in love
with an almond-eyed beauty he ties a branch
| of mistletoe to the door of her house. Ii such
a custom were in vogue in this country every
house in town that contains manageable |
daughter or two would look as if 1t was getting
ready to decorate for the festive Christmas
| holidays.
| Your washerwoman should receive Christ
mas card. Nothing will brighten an humble
home like a Christmas card. They can be pur-
chased this year for one cent, which price
| brings them within the reach of the poor and
lowly as well as the high and mighty Another
very nice present for your washerwoman, and
one that she will appreciate, is to pay her what
| you owe her.
CHARLEY wanted to give Clara q Christmas
present, hut couldn't make up his mind what
| it should, be; so the next time he called he
! frankly told her the difficulty under which he
was laboring. "Want to make me q present,
Charley !" Clara exclaimed, in well-disguised
astonishment. "Wby, Charley, YOU forget
yourself" Charley took the hint and offered
himself ON the spot.
THE time of year has arrived when the sly
husband is seen to enter the house softly with
parcel concealed under his coat, and the curl
osity of his wife is 80 great to discover what
she will get for her Christmas that the next
day, when her husband is away from home,
she cautiously creeps to his closet to painfully
discover that the mysterious parcel was moth
ing but pair of her husbands summer pants
which he had just brought from the dyer's.