Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-07-18


which the girls wear should be adopted by
the men. just think what lovely place
it would be to hide pocket flask.
"Why do ladies make such good arch
ers?' said the conumdrum man. "Don It
know and don't want to. said the editor.
''Why, because of their cupidity ~
No misery is without some solace. The
pleasure of abusing the umpire robs the
loss of base ball match of half of its an
guish.
There is difference between the sing
ing of the birds in the grove and the me-
lodeon playing next door. One is vernal
music and the other is internal music.
Mr.. VIM. Doodle "Yes, Miss Frost. l
always wear gloves at night; they make
ones hands so nice and SOFT" Miss Frost:
''Ah! and do you sleep with your hat on?"
Little Jack Let's play we is married. y
Little Nell-"No, I won't; it ain It right. y
Jack-"Why amt it ?'' Nell" 'Tause
mamma said we mustn't quarrel"
1t is said that when monkey looks into
mirror be Immediately goes and peeps
behind it. He evidently wants to kick
himself for being so ugly.
An old bachelor wants TO know if you
ever sat down to tea when skinned milk
was on the table without being asked: s'Do
you take cream ?''
''Does 1t pay to steal ?" asks religious
paper. 1t doesn railways pay the thief, but
just think of the large number of GRIM
inal lawyers to whom it furnishes a fat
living.
Jones has been in the habit of taking
physic in the spring for twenty years. He
says he does not know as it does him any
good, but he thinks that it shows his
physical endurance.
A correspondent asks: "When is the
best time to pick Strawberries ?'' The
best time for this class of work is before
the gardener gets up in the morning and
there's no big dog in the lrden.
Red Leary," the burglar, who is serv-
ing a fifteen years. term ia State prison.
has just had 100000 left him by an aunt
in England. His many friends will be
glad to see him about again.
"Pa." said Chicago small boy, as he
Observed man coming up the street who
seemed to wish the sidewalk was little
haf 6o1n 70 SgT 7
know my son. answered the old gentle
man. HE has the symptoms at least.''
In New York woman is paid six cents
for making shirt, and the papers speak
Of it IS al outrage. Yet here woman
not only doesent get cent for making a
shirt. but thinks herself mighty happy if
her husband doesn' It swear like parrot at
the way it fits.
IF we're in California" said a young
fop in company the other evening, Il
would waylay some miner with bag of
gold, knock out his brains, gather up the
gold and rum 81 think you would do
better to gather up the brains,'' quietly
responded young lady.
A tourist in Montana travelled eight
days and nine nights in the direction in
Dictated by q finger board, which read,
''Six miles to Miles City, before he reach
ed that place. Then he learned that the
sign had been carried off by Indi4ns and
stuck up where he saw it.
Three handsome young lady dentists
have opened an Office in Chicago and are
rushed for work. And they do say that
when one of those fairies gets her arm
around fellows head and hugs him up
tight to her bosom. and began to yank at
tooth, it doesn' t hurt one darned bit.
A Connecticut editor asks: SIN waltzing
with young lady does the young man go
around her or does she go around the
young man % We will simply say for the
benefit of this wooden nutmeg that the
young mans !arm goes around the girl
and the powder from the girls hair goes
all over thu young man.
Biggs-Did you read that poem in the
Snco AohOCA VI L WCUto1 IHUyU2t1lG r.
Fogg-"You know benzine, the liquor
dealer ?" Biggs-"Yes, but what has
that got do with it ?" Fogg-'sEvery-
thing. Benzine sells rum, but never drinks
any; l write poetry, but don't read it.
Benzine and know the evils of indul-
gence in our respective wares.''
Little Rudolph one day begged an inyi-
tation to dinner at the house of a little
friend with whom he had been PLAYING
during the morning. At the table his
hostess anxiously inquired: Rudolph,
can you cut your own meat ?'' "Humph!''
said Rudolph, who was saving away.
Cant I've cut great deal tougher
meat than this at home.'
The expense to litigants of law and
lawyers is we'll illustrated by the follow
ing: A New York woman was given
500 600 by will. The will was contested
and after a prolonged fight she won her
case, but when the lawyers paid she had
but $4,000 left Of her original $4,000
But that was not the end of this poor
woman's losses; she was an admirer of
Grant, and she went to his firm and depos-