New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-04-16

pears very quickly" eyes, sir; take
them. I belong to the society against
the use of tobacco, and really think
that monsieur smokes too much. y
Stanley has discovered river in
Central Africa called Kissmelonga. It's
an awful pity that itshould be situated
in a country where q fellow can't get
any satisfaction out of it.-Bqtrlangton
Free Press.
sIs your wife acquainted with the
dead languages?" asked the professor
of Newman man. Maybe she is"
was the reply, "but the language she
uses is entirely too warm to have been
dead very long"
TIE newspaper foreman got mar
riage notice among lot of items head
ed ''Horrors of 1885," and when the
editor learned that the groom's income
was only 81 a week he said it had bet
ter remain under that head.
Count Harncorn, of Vienna, now a
social lion in New York, says: Zach,
it's too pad. can neefer marry but one
American grill, und loafs all of DEM
Like Artcmus Wards monkey, he is
described as an ''amoosin little cuss.'
A Kentucky man took dose of
Rough on Rats by mistake, and when
the thing began to take hold of his
stomach and churn it, he swore by the
great horn spoon that he hadn't got
hold of such bitters since before the
war.
In the submerged district Cincin-
natl Enquirer reporter saw q man with
q graphing hook fishing in the water.
what are you looking for, old man?''
said the scribe. .I'm trying to find
my house; I left it here two or three
days ago."
A boastor in hotel was telling of
the many sections of the country which
he had visited. A fellow at his elbow
asked, "Hayc you ever been in Alge-
bra?'' ooh, ycs!' said the boaster, Il
passed through on top OF q stage-coach
about y year ego. .
An exchange comes to us with a
poem entitled, elbow to kiss marked
in blue pencil. Either the author is
blamed proud of his production, or else
he thinks we don't know how to do it
in either of which cases he is way
of. Burlington Free Press.
A woman's brain is Of finer quality
than that Of q man, Fineness OF brain
gives quickness of perception, and we
see that fact illustrated in this: A wo-
man can tell what another woman has
got on at glance, whereas q man
might study the matter over for a yea1
and be no wiser.
In the opinion Of a genuine Kcntuck.
ian, there is no part of our national
history so important as the fact that
old Pete Anderson's son Caleb married
lobe Watkins daughter, and after
ward owned 'tstep High. y the horse
that Ben Salus rode from Lexington to
Frankfort in 1859.
| j. NJ. Hill, the theatrical manager,
is said to be so lucky that if he were to
leave his slippers at an hotel they would
be forwarded to him to the next town
with half-dozen pairs of silk stock
ings in them. The only time he ever
fell down he is said to have picked up
diamond pin.
''Where are you taking me to?p ask.
ed 8 criminal, addressing the detective
who had just arrested him. II am tax.
ing you to the office of the police super.
intendent,' was the reply. II wish to
observe in this case, then,'' said the
! culprit, ''that it is the Office that seeks
the man, and not the man the office"
.'Margery,' said Ethelbert, as they
sat on opposite ends of the Turkish
divan, .'why am I like the letter o.
and silence fell, broken only by the
molodious cough of Margery' warrant.
ed New England throat Because,
DEAR" added Ethelbert, II feel that
am useless without U."'-Bostoa, Com,
Bulletin.
A policeman leaned over the ares
4. railing and addressing Bridget, who
was at that moment engaged in shift
ing an ash barrel, observed: Bridget
me darlint, the loight av yer DYE!
makes the dawn same loike darkness. ;
''Thim's the very wurruds that yer SUI
payerior, the sargint, shpoke to me.
suppoaz it's a part of the discipline az
the fource.''
mo, can't say as was much i'm
pressed with Miss Strutabout's acting,
remarked Brown; ''but then she's
! great actress, you know. Her costume
lay over anything ever seen on tn,
stage; and then, you know, she ha
her special car, and it is said that sh
doesn't live with her husband It ISM
to be wondered that the audience wen
wild over her."
''Who are that gentleman and lad,
across the wayP" asked lady O
Chestnut street this m orning. ''Mr
and Mrs. 3. Don't you know them?'
mo. They are bride and groom,
suppose?'' ooh, no. They have beel
married dozen years or more" 81
it possible?'' exclaimed the lady, i
great surprise. ''Why, he lifted hi
hat when he met her"
A new waltz, not on the programme
was introduced at a South Side bal
last week. An irate mother wake
into the room, took her daughters ca
between her thumb and forefinger, an
waltzed her home While this ne,
figure is rather sensational, it is nc
likely to be generally introduced, a
the participants, that is, one of then
thinks it altogether too irritating
Peck's San.
Passsenger-How long have you bee
employed on the street cars? Driver
Fifteen year, barrin' whin was sick
Passenger You must be a great favor
lite with the company? Driver-Hs
ha! |ha! Dye see that ovid gray mar
I'm dhrivin'? Well, we both fell sic
4 together at ,wonst last winter. The
sint for a docther for the horse, an
they STINT me me resignation. 49, I'eGl