The Wilmingtonian., 1884-06-07
HUMOROUS.


hat If l released you you would GO to work.
Why haven't You kept your word2' Judge
returned the victim meekly: 4 didn't want
TO be breeding any disturbance and was
afraid if went to work that would get-on
a strike.
The preacher who has fashionable con-
gregation could do heap of good at this |
season of the year by interpolating into his |
sermons that it is far more religious, as we'll |
as right, to pay the grocer what is owed
him than it is to go TO camp meeting and
leave debts behind But then it doesn't
always pay the preacher to be too personal.
"Pat, why in the name of Jupiter are YOU
lying there with that stone on your stom-
ach?" ''Be aisy nowl Ohm jist carryin' out
a hint OF got from the doctor. He guy me a
devil of dose this mornin', an SEE he. Pat,
me by ye mustn't try yer bisht to kspe it
down, an, be jabbers, eff It's requored, I'll
put another shtun atop o. this but oi'll do
it'll
"Johnny," said a girl to her bashful com
pany, as they occupied remote ends of the
sofa the other night, 81 see that a lady in
New Jersey, 104 years old, boasts OF having
been kissed by Washington"
EYES," said Johnnie, 81 saw it, too"
"Suppose you were to become great man
like Washington"
'sWell2" said Johnnie.
'sAnd were to live to be 104 years old. ="
"Well?" said Johnnie.
II couldn't say of you what that old lady
said of Washington, could I?''
Then he kissed her, Chicago Tribune.
KEEN REMINDER.
''There isn't a button on this Shirt" dis
mally observed the young husband, shaking
the garment before his wife's eyes.
'1'm sorry, my love; it might have been
remedied if had had time"
! "Why, you've got nothing to dc. What
do you mean by saying if you had had
timer"
81 mean to say that if there had been nj
occasion for me to trim over last sprna
bonnet for this springs wear would hav,
had time to look after your clothes.-
Brooklyn Eagle.
DIDN'T HAVE ON HER SPARKLING ooRsETs
In her darkened chamber poor Myrtle D,
Courcey had flung herself upon her coucl
and was sobbing as if her heart would break
while her gray headed mother fondly stgok
ed the disheveled masses of hair and begge
her daughter to tell her oil.
s'Tell me all, oh tell your mother why thi
is,' she plead.
"Because was fool,a silly fool, ''sobbe
Myrtle.
"And why, my daughter9''
sBeeause did not know that Harol
: Tm1grr come at any time. | was not pr pr
pared, mother.'
e Glow not prepared, my child2'
81 didn't have on my Sunday corset,
had on that old everyday thing, and IL
first yank he gave me that old broken pie
in the side nearly jammed 3lear through n
u liver. - UaasDi.le argus
COMING THE CONSTABLE.
''You're villain" said one Bloomingtc
man to another the other day.
"You're a Constable, or you would't 81
d such thing"
"oh,well, replied the oflicer'you needn
mind that
"Yes, it's all very well for you to talk, b
| don't want to pay a fine for assaulting {
m officer.''
: 'If you're fined I'll pay it for you; so
in and do your worst
81 don't want to lie in prison for whalir
you"
''No danger of that. l take solemn GA
you will not be prosecuted; and here
So dollar bill if you'll lick me.'' The Co
stable was big man and the other fello
was little one, and the crowd that h;
gathered cheered Justify in response to Il
Constable's magnanimous offer.
. 'You just want to get me into tr.ubl
m that's what You want to do" said the lit
~ man.
sob, no! I'll pay you well for your tro
BILE. Here's s25. Take it aud lick mer'
The little man took the money and poe
eted it and peeled away with his right haI
and hit the Constable in the eye with h
left and was jumping up and down on i
U stomach when the crowd pulled him off al
the officer jumped up aud ran away, yellil
at the top of his voice:
"I'm Constablel I'm an officer of Il
peacel warn you to keep him off, or l
kill himp' and he continued to run aud y,
e. until he disappeared in an alley four bloc
away, and sneaked over to Justices off
and swore out warrant for the little mi
l 81, ,s1ts. l. n