The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-05-10
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

mo-" said druggist, ''there is not
such an awful profit in glass of soda
water. You see, the wear and tear on
the glass amounts to something"
"A Quaker's advice to his son on his.
wedding day: "When thee went a court
ing t -! thee to keep thy eyes wide
open. Now that thee is married l tell
thee to keep them half shut"
Little Nell---''Why are lightning
bugs called blessings mammal"
Mamma" 'Blessings?' 1 never heard
them called blessings. " Little Nell
But they are in this book" Mamma
fare you sure?" Little Nell-"O,
yes. Here it is: Blessings brighten as
they take their flight. ''-Phitadelphia
cali.
Mr.. and Mrs. Buntlin were going
out to walk. "Wait," said Mrs. B.,
''until l 90 back and get my umbrella. -
at isn't going to rain, is it?'' asked
Mr. B. mot that know of. o, al
ways like to have something along with
me when I'm walking" Mr.. B. looked
bothered, but didn't seek any explana-
TONS Chicago journal.
"A German has succeeded in accu--
rately photographers flash of light
ming. In order not to be behind the
achievements of the effete monarchies
of the Old World, an American
has caught life-like photograph of
clap of thunder, and is now expert
menting on the rumble of the earth
quake. -Nor7<St0Wn Herald.
Astronomers tell us in their own
simple ineligible way that the gradual
frightening of the days is due to the
''obliquity of the eclptic to the terres-
| tial horizon" This ought to set at rest
the foolish idea that the days are.
| longer because the sun rises earlier and
sets later. -Pittsbwrgh Telegraph.
-Metaire, the most fashionable GEM
etery in New Orleans, was race course
few years ago. 1t then belonged to
an aristocratic club, which blackballed
the president of a lottery company
when he made application for member
ship. By way. of revenge he bought the
grounds and Gave them to the city for
cemetery. N o. Times.
81 haven't got any case" said the.
client, "but l have money" GLOW
much?" asked the lawyer. FIFTY
thousand dollars" was the reply.
.'Phew! you hare got the best case 1
ever heard of. I'll see that you never
90 to prison with that sum-" said the
attorney, cheerfully, and the man
| didn't-he went there "broke. ~ Chi
cago Herald.
Young minds in America grasp
great truths quickly. A New York
boy who had had a misunderstanding
with one of his playmates was waiting
while his motheS prepared a green
shade for his eye. ''Ma," he said, 81
wish was rich man" "Why, my
SOM" because I'd buy pistol and
shoot Jake Bolter" ''But you'd be
tried for it Just as much as if you were
poor man. eyes, but l wouldn' t be
convicted just as much. - Brooklyn.
Eagle.
"A Buffalo ianitor kicked can of
nitro-glycerine, and right then, for the
first time in his life, became really
active man, inaugurating proceedings
by turning a double somersault and
knocking out hodful of mortar and
brick with the back of mis- head at one
end of the room. He continued the
performance by kicking down the
stove, pulling down the chandelier and.
blowing up the plaster with his nose.
When the nitro-glycerinc let the old
man sit down and take rest he looked
mournfully at the remnants of the frag-
ment of tin that once held the chain
lightning, and said to the doctor:
oval, if that amt the quickest-temper-
eldest stuff l ever saw. '-PhiIadeiphiG
] ReDublic.