Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1884-02-29
LADY.LIKE COW.
WHY a s;ood Man uankered W
Mood OF Nick Parish

hearted ami gentle mich COW roul
OF and tempcrs down the many uinr
caities Standing in the way OF ia'"V
contentment. When Parson JilmlDson
moved into our nelghborhood, his lir''
question was. "Who's got gentle ""
for sale?" Old Nick Parish, one u
the best-known and most upright Dien
in the community, had gentle cow 4
a man wanted fiery, unsubdued morse
Nick had him; and il he wanteu
horse so quiet in demeanor that ne re
Trained from lashing the flies NICE
had him. In fact, Nick had anything
that anybody wanted to buy, and one
thing peculiar about his ability 10
furnish the great market of wants
was that every animal he sold was eN-
actly what he represented it to be-
us shea good milI1er?" asked Parsoh
Jila.inson when he had gone to NICK
lot and begun an inspection of the
COW.
BEST in the land, and the one fine
pint about her is that she'll give
enough milk for any family. When
ever she changes hands she sizes up
the new family. and if she amt broad
enough to accommodate all concerned,
why she changes her gauge. But she
is not prodigal. l bought her from a
hotel nam. She had been giving
enough milk for all the guests, but
when she saw that | only had small
family, she changed her metre and
came down to our measure"
Il never before heard of such a
cow" said the parson.
Nobody else, and if my wife didn't
try to impose on her l wouldn't sell
her for anything. You see my wife is
a very ambitious woman and wants
this one COW to furnish enough milk
for the operation of an entire dairy
form. l will not allow even my wife
to monkey with the affections of this
animal. Just look at her. Did you
ever see anything more lady-like?
There she stands, the very picture of
courtesy, willing to inundate the entire
community with milk"
what is the least you'll take for
herr" the parson added.
"Well, I'll tell you. If it want for
the pints I've presented, wouldn't
sell her for no price, but as it is, you
may have her for hundred dollars"
The money was paid without
hesitation, and in triumph the parson
drove the COW home "Greatcst cow
in the world" he said to his wife, as
he turned the animal into the back
yard. "The man had sentimental
reason for selling her or we would
never have been her fortunate pos
SCISSORS"
The next day was Sunday. The
parson had an appointment to preach
at the neighboring church, but when
the time for services arrived, the par
son was seen crossing the common
carrying an army gun. As he ap-
preached Parish's house, Parish was
seen to leap the fence, and start off in
apractica1 AMI commerciallike man
ner toward the woods. The parson
discovered him, threw up his gun and
fred, and SO much powder had his in
dignation demanded in the execution
Of his sanguinary design, that the bull
let, long after the excitement had sub
sided was heard whizzing around the
neighborhood.
what on earth is the matter, par
son?" asked a dozen voices, as the.
minister approached the church and
proceeded to load his gun.
Bought cow from that scoundrel.
Told me she was gentle. Wife got up
this morning to milk her l thought
| heard mutterings and other sounds
expressive of dissatisfaction, andl
stepping to the door, | saw my wife
going over the ash hopper. My wife
is a woman of unusual agility, yet l
saw no reason why she should sail
around through the air on a Sunday
morning, so stepped out and told her
to hold up, when l saw my lady-like-
COW, raking up ridges and acting as
though she were displeased. l spoke
to her and she darted at me. l tried
to avoid her, but failed. l went over
the ash hopper pretty much as my
wife had done. This was not the end
of the performance. The COW could
not get around behind the ash hopper,
but she made it sensational for us by
reminders that she was still in circu-
lation. The dog came over and fell
among us. Then a wash-board,
brass kettle, the cat and the hired boy
came over. l never saw anything like
it. Every time looked up, some
thing would strike me. After awhile
she began to throw dirt and chips over
until | thought we would all be buried.
| yelled for help. and old Mrs. Piggle-
worth, kind old soul who lives near,
came to see what was the matter,
good-hearted old creature. The heath
en- who sold me the COW said that she
would size us all up with an idea to
furnish the requisite amount Of milk
and probably that's what she was doing
but am not used to such estimates
being made on my family, Finally
she, the courteous animal, jumped
orra. tho faroo arJ loft a1J m, ou+