Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1884-07-28

.uoi.ia "uu othcI uTeauIut plaques that
desolate the land. Loring has a cattle
| hospitai whereat lame ROSTERS and
| Iicke,y mems ana cows giving regrla-
ton fotomac milk, and mangy sows
ana an ancient goat or two and a sore.
backed morse are doctored and devIied
aid blistered and punctured and
drenched and powdered and mixed
and otherwise treated experin,ntallv
and learnedly In the most approved
and vigorous steam.doctor fashion
Heroic treatment Is the practice here,
and homeopathy IL not recognized I'm
the ethics OF the medical wing OF this
high flying department. They have
here at this lying-in hospital for mules
and things two cows that the nation
may be taught how TO analyze milk. a
three.legged SOW and her pigs. The
sow's leg was amputated In the inter.
est OF science, and it is now demon.
stratcd that the species demonstrated
'razor-backs" can root as tripods, In
devislng methods of giving weight and
thus force to the lifting capacity of the
razor backs nose, a brick was tied 10
Its tail and when the dissatisfied brute
fastened Its proboscis under the fence
to upset 1t and get out the
nose slipped and the upllfted brick
fell back and down with accelerated
velocity and SIX inches of the spine of
this elongated swine was pulled out,
and since there Is left no connection
through the spinal column with the
nerves that control the movements of
the hind legs Of the brute, these indie
pendent legs sometimes walk of In
one and the forelegs in another direc-
ton, and the razor-back is n model
turn-tablc on big drunk, and the
tout ensemble becomes The subject of
admiration and of learned dlsquisl-
lions among the theoretical sgricul.
turists who swing around with Loring
THE DEFuNcT COW.
When cow dies about the city the
corpse Is carted to the COW hospital Of
the department and solemn "ciown-
er's quest IL held over 1t. A good
man and devout patriot, holding office
for this reason aud iishy in nothing, Is
Mr.. Salmon, the COW coroner. He
dissects cows and smells the COW and
deodorizes and telescopes II, using n
microscope. He Is after the germs of
the disease that slew the beast, and he
goes through the inanimate COW, look.
ing for spores, baccili and sporules and
microcosms, and when he gets hold of
one he holds IL up metaphorically as
IL were, by the heels and dances horn
pipes around 1t, and then he and
L0ring and the rest of the bovine phi.
losophers steer for geological shelves
of the agricultural library, and they
do gather all the polysyllables hav-
ing reference to cattle ailments and
give the world a most luminous and
useful treatise. Copies are sent to each
of the other book publishing bereaus
and all these do write complimentary
notes about the sweet little brochure
and Loring and Salmon and their pet
organ ut Chicago, conducted by n
paleontologist named San iers, are big
sunflowers.
| BuLLDoZING CONGRESS-.
/ was telling that in former years,
before Loring came boring around the
White House and the capitol, that
| So, 900 left All excess which was annu-
ally covered into the treasury; but
now the So, 900 is scooped up instant
| Up and covered by Loring, and 1t Is
proper and right. Loring's breadth of
Intelligence demands much travel to
keep II up to the broad and elevated
standard required by his departmental
aspirations, and Salmon, OF course
must migrate with changeflil seasons
They have grand inspecting tours, de.
voted, on paper, to the business Of
looking after consumptive cows aud
calves, and hunting seeds. Loring
and Salmon will stop n train OF Pull
man coaches In the center of Dismal
swamp If they catch aglimpse of
rheumatic COW. They devoted three
months to earnest search for c'oven'
footed beast with the thorn and mouth
and hoof disease" Falling, they set
up sub bureaus over the West, and
caused bushel Of kilograms to he sent
to one Hatch of the house, telling
Hatch that the "mouth and foot dis.
| ease" and the "rexas cattle fever,
were simply devastating the face Of
the earth. They absolutely sent Hatch
dispatch from Portland, Maine,
whence many cattle are shipped 10
Europe, that this mouth and foot dts
ease was ravaging Portland. Hatch
exploded a bill in the house transfer
ring nearly half million dollars IN
stantly to the credit of the cattle
bureau. and after the bill had
been pared down One-talf, the house
passed 1t, and Salmon stopped over
and Loring sang Lorena, and blessed
ness reigned In the agricultural de-
partment. I.oring gave a regal enter
tainment to batch Of foreign minis.
tiers and was bigger man than old
Frelinghuysen or bully Brewster or
any other cabinet minister.
Coke bad already defeated the
"Texas cattle fever bill" and mainly
by showing that there never was IN
the West such cattle disease. IL was
Matched for Hatch In the bureau. But
congress wasted much time and breath
and money while the process OF ex-
ploding the humbug was being per-
| .ected. But no sooner was IL dyna-
mited by Coke in the senate than
Hatch came to the scratch and boosted
his 'mouth and horn aud hoof" dis
ease bill through the house. IL went
to the senate and Plumb, having Az
900 cattle ON the pretty plains OF OKLA
| homa, granted to him by the ilunih-
cent Teller, at once demanded that tue
sum given to the COW bureau OF the
agricultural department be made $2oo,-
| 600, BY desperate struggle TINS sum
was reduced to $4,000 and the Dill
passed.
HOW THE MONEY GOES,
I.orina IL intrusted with the expen-
diture of this sum. He hires two men
at $40 per day, each hunting for sores
and corns on cows feet, and Tor sores
in the mouths Of cows addicted 10