Daily Los Angeles herald., 1884-01-13
Press Plsasantries.

The house surgeon Is what Puck cails
the plumber.
Sara Bernhardt doesn't often swear.
but sometimes she says te herself "Big
adj
There is danger in the electric wire. "
remarked the criminal when overtaken
by telegram.
Miles City, M. T., has saloon which
fourishes under the attractive name OF
the "Dog Ranch
You can hardly find better rule. than
this: Eat thy meat, and drink thy drink,
and stand thy ground.
Mush is the great breakfast dish now
among the girls of the period who want
to get fat, heavy and clumsy.
Susan B. Anthony declares that there
is no good reason why women should
not become skillful medical men.
Putting it pleasantly: Sir Pompeys
architect (producing plan) There,
Sir Pompey, / fatter myself ! have
made that drawing plain to even the
meanest capacity
"One of these dollars is counterfeit,
ma'am." Show can you tell?" "Sim-
ply by sound. just tap it and hear how
clear the genuine sounds. That's tenor.
Notice when ! tap the other. That's
base.
"Yes," said Henderson, "Miss Forte
plays beautifully. ! don't know any
thing about music myself, but I know
she's splendid player, because all the
other players say that her music is just
horrid."
Brown-"C "Confound it! Did you see
me kiss this LADY," Boy-"Well, I'm
not stone blind" Brown-"Here's fifty
cents. You needn't say" Boy-"Oh,
it's all right. I've made over ten dollars
off of her this summer and fall"
II should think that actors would get
dreadfully tired of saying the same
things over and over again, night after
night" And then Mrs. Wordy went OH
to tell for the 999th time about the
funny thing that happened to her at the
mountains summer before last.
And now the Whisky Sour
Paints all things red;
Full as an August moon
We 20 to bed,
and rise next day at noon
With aching hoad.
"What will you think of your beauti
ful wife twenty or thirty years from
now?-that is the question" according
to Monsignor Capel. That is not a hard
question, Monsignor Capel. Most like
ly we will thidk she is much better
cook than she was at first.
II wish this country was like Japan,
sighed Mr.. Spiggins, ruefully, after a
family jar, in which he came out his
usual second best. "And why, pray?'
demanded his wife. because they
don't use nails there" replied Mr.. Spig.
gins, feelingly, examining his scars in
tho looking.glass.
A New York girl has just employed
the triumph of having the biggest wed.
ding given in that city for years. She
whispered around that the man she was
to marry had red-headed wife some.
where, who most likely would be on
hand to interrupt the ceremony. The
church was crowded.
"What is your charge against the pris.
oner?" demanded an Arkansas Judge.
Murder, your honor, replied the of
hcer. "What is your defense, prisoner,
for such crime?' "Your honor, he was
tenderfoet, and pronounced it Arkan.
sass" 81 see, case OF .justifiable
homicide You are discharged, sir"
ODE TO THE AMERICAN HOG.
Alas, poor hog =
Or fattened, as the case may be-
The doors of France are closed to thee
In spite OF Morton's earnest prayer,
And thou, II thou would'st enter there
Must dot incog
Unpited hog
Bismarck his large interior Grams
With still uncooked Westphalia hams,
Sour WINE, and scarcely sourer kraut
And yet maliciousiy shut out
Our porcine prog.
Much sandered hog
Two nations that, with deadly hate,
The day Of mutual slaughter wait,
In this antipathy agree,
And both devour, instead OF thee,
The festive frog.
Enlightened hog
The routes across the salty sea
Are all exactly known to thee,
And thou hast more dsguises than
The most experienced customs
Can catalogue.
Persistent hog
In various and eyasye ways
Thou yet wilt thread the legal maze,
And once again. when France aud BIZ
Subdue their stupid prejudice,
Wilt come in vogue.