The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-08-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

~ 10
''Forgot to pay for his drink"
A Montana girl has been kidnapped
by bear. She probably got one hug
from the animal and followed it of.
A Burlington girl has diary devoted
entirely to noting down the visits OF her
beaux. She calls it her court docket.
As they passed gentleman whose
optics were terribly on the bias, little
Dot murmured: MA, he's got one eye
that don't 60"
Vassar College girls are not allowed
to receive calls from men, but we be-
lieve there is no objection made to wo-
men, children and dudes.
The pootiest woman in all Boston,"
said Micky Muldoon on his return from
the Hub TO his home in Kensington,
''lives in Philadelphia
The fly to be almost invariably found
in the restaurant bowl of turtle soup is
not supposed to have been placed there
as seasoning by the cook, but to be a
genuine case of accidental drowning.
At great heights. Popular Science
Nonttly says. dogs lose their power of
barking. 1t is fine scheme then, to
keep your dog in the garnet, or tic him
up to the swaying limb of tall and
lonely tree.
Did you water the whisky in that
barrel of common yet this morningp"
asked the grocery man of his boy. mo
sir; l put bucketful in it Saturday."
"Oh, we'll, that's all evaporated by this
time. Put in another bucketfui."
NO, she is not what you would call
pretty girl" said young man to his
companion, "but she is beautiful to me
because she has lovely soul" II
never thought to look at her feet" said
the other. Perhaps you are right"
When a girl is standing at the front
gate waiting for her fellow, five min
utes seem to be about an hours time;
but after he comes, and the two are
"all alone by themselves" in the par
lor, IN hour seems to be about five
minutes long.
lis this one of your all-wool 73-cent
suits, Mr.. Isaacs?" Yes, mine frindt,
dot yos Won of dem beautiful quits"
"But it's ali cotton" dot can not be
hclluped. Dot is .all-wool sebcnty-
dree-shent zuit.' hat dot name given
ii myselluf.
A colored child had fall from a
second story window the other day,
and his mother in relating the incident
ut the grocery store said: "Dere dat
child WAS a-comin' down feet fust, wild
every chance of being killed, when the
/ ntp,l lIa tnrpaI hin, ba ,hiiI
struck ON his head, and there wasn't
SO mucn rs button of"
JOHNNY" cried n mother to her
boy. wLo was yelling with the peculiar
Intensity OF a small boy with the throt-
tie wide open. .OL, JOHNNY Yes.
maam." For heavens sake what are
You Yelling at that wayP" "Ma'amP"
81 said what are you yelling atP" I'm
yelling ut the top of my voice. /
thought you knowed. "-Aerehant Trau-
eLer.
NJ hyperion, who has accompanied
the family Of his afiianced to Long
Branch. stands on the beach contem-
plating her as she energies from the
pillows. Great heavens. Mary! is
that you? You never reminded me so
much of sugar rs you do now" Be
cause look sweeter than ever?" she
asked, archly. mo; because one-half
OF YOU appears to have been dissolved
in the wafer"
Modern enterprise far surpasses that
of Tic pa!my days of ancient Babylon.
American showmen are now exhibit
in" three separate and distinct skeletons
of Guitrau-his skeleton when he was
Il boy, his skc.cton when he shot Gar
field. and his skeleton after he was
HANGED. The man who secures the
skeleton "f his ghost will make for
lu"r.--N T. Journal.
1t is said that an applicant for the
vacancy in the state board of fish COM
based his qualifications for
the position on the fact that he sold
salt mackcrel and Goldfish for fifteen
years. lie was certainly more familiar
with the duties of the office than the
average member of board of fish
commissioners, and should have been
appointed by the governor.
Big feet are now the proper caper
and the larger a man or woman's feet |
are the more fashionable they are.
Looking rellectively at ours as they re-
pose in all their native grandeur up on
top of the desk. we are satisfied that
we will never be compelled to pad them
out to make them conform to the rules
Of fashion. We will be able to lead the
giddy throng in this city.-EUansuill
ArguS.
Wife and | quarrel awfullyp said
Burlington man confidentially to a
friend. Il am very sorry" was the
reply. Now my wife and have been
married eight years and not single
unpleasant word has passed between
rs. " How can that be possiblc'" was
he astonished exclamation. "Oh, my
wife lives with her fathers folks in
san Francisco. "--Burling,oa Free
Press.
Il hear you intend to send your two
IONS to college?" said Alpha to Omega.
Yes" replied Omega; Il have en-
cred them at Y college," why,
gracious manr' almost shrieked Alpha;
you might as we'll throw your money
way! x college is only q fourth
lass institution. 1t has never won q
BOAT race in the whole course of its ex-
stence, and cannot boast of a base
,all nine!'
Theebaw. King of Burmah, became
eized with an irresistible impulse, the
'ther day, 10 marry. The fact that his
wife was living didn't prove much of
n obstacle 10 the way of the fulfill
nent Of his desires. He poisoned the
queen and her mother and married the
Queens sister. He said said that was
heaper than Chicago divorce, and
Doesn't leave him with a mother-in-
aw on his hands to foment trouble.
low his new wife must love him.-
Herald.
The Medical Summary recommends
ne external application of bnttermilk
0 ladies who are marred with freckles.
here is woman in this city who
7ould require about fourteen churn-
,gs day for about forty years for the
uccessful removal of the freckles on
er person. She is so freckled that a
nan who found her gathering black
erries shot at her, believing Ter to be
n escaped leopard, but the bullet
truck a modest little freckle on her
ose and glanced of, killing COW in
neighboring pasture. -Boston Courier.
Jim Kee. Philadelphia washerman.
ut In tough year Of it with an Irish
ride, Bridget McNulty by name. Then
ne fled from him, after rolling up dry
Gods bills aggregating 40 cents. Jim