The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-05-31
Bg iKK PHiLkISs.

Many people in the United States and Arkansaw think that Texas is not up in the higher points of civilization. But it is. We have a company ofwhite soldiers and company of troops. and an artillery company here in Austin. The latter had their fir.t drili the other day, and the occasion came near breaking up the company in a TOW. They were going to fire cannons, and the discussion as to the length offuse to be used was very warm and personal. Captain Peeler thought a six-foot fuse would allow them to run to a safe distance before the terrible firing took place. Lieutenant Calhoun said that he would resign if the company was so reckless of its members lives as to use ! fuse less than ten feet long, and Sergeant Toussy said they could count him and his friends out if they tempted Providence with fuse less than fourteen feet. He had heard cannons shoot in Chicago, and said they were terrible. Harmony was restored by compromising on a twelve-foot fuse. The cannon was duly loaded, and then heated discus sion arose about warning the inhabitants of Austin. Some were for telling every body to go of about eight blocks. while a majority were in favor of telling the population to go out of the city limits while the guns were being fired. It was finally settled by sending couriers around telling people to fly to the university hill for safety. Then the fuse was lighted. It burned faster than the young artillery men anticipated, and wild stampede occurred. Corporal Journeay sprained an ankle in trying to escape; Sergeant Tousay climbed into a cottonwood tree in the capitol grounds; Lieutenant Cal houn laid himself out on the ground as flat as porous plaster and snaked him. self away at an amazing speed; while Captain Peeler scrambled over the old capitol ruins, followed by the rest of the company, who fled abou, ten blocks be- fore the gun fired. The artillery com pany were astonished that their cannon had not cracked the universe or some thing. Sergeant Tousay shinned down the tree and proudly raised the com pany's banner over the cannon. Since then the company have gradually been shortening their fuses each drill, until now they use the army methods of firing cannon. Texas is gradually working to the front.
 ARKANSAW ADVOCATED.
 Arkansawyers will be respected here in Texas, and Austin especially, heneeforth. A wagon went down Congress avenue the other day, driven by a mild-eyed stran- ger, and stopped at watering trough to let his horses drink from the hydrant. As the wagon stopped, dozen Aaxen heads were thrust out at unexpected places, and a smart Austinite, standing on the side walk, winked at his friends and said he would show them some fun, as he'd be, the traveller was from Arkansaw. So he said, addressing the wagoner:
 "How'S water in Arkansaw~
 @Wet. How's ii hyor ?" asked the Ar kansaxyer.
 The bystanders laughed, and the smart Austin man said:
 People over there ain't like they are anywhere else, I've heard. Is that 90 P
 @Wall, ef you're like they aire any where else. they is different in Arkan- saw
 The Austin man turned red, and the Arkansawyer asked:
 @Stranger, you've been in Arkansaw, haven't yous"
 "Oh, yes."
 "Thought you were the same man. Changed nightly since then, haven't you -
 SWell, I don't know. Did you see me thezer
 Reckon did. It was af pap's house you Sotched up that time"
 sWhat time ? asked the Austin man, thialing to humor the mistalre
 ~Why, the time yeu follsRed wagon fum Tens into Arinnsav b see the hind vhea catch p vith the fore vheel; and the town constabae took you and sent you to school saying such . fosl oughtex be taken keer of Didn't leam much, though, did ye? Musaer run sway fun school afsse you got through" "
 The Austin man had to st 'em up" b his fieads, and invited the AEkansaw-