Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1884-09-19
WIT AND HUM0R.

Kansas CITY boasts of having a woman
who speaks eight languages. 1t is need
less TO remark that her husband is dead,
Edith asks: "Will you please send me
a receipt for a nice homemade pie ?"
Yes, Edith, we will send the receipt in the
very first mail after we receive the pie.
A bachelor, upon reading that "two
lovers Will sit up all night with only one
chair in the room," said it could not be
done unless one Of them sat on the floor.
Such Ignorance is painful
An Indiana colored lawyer, in trying to
get his client out of custody, exclaimed /:
ia is a law called habhis carcass an
l'ze goin' to hab de carcass oh dat client
Oh mine, dead or alive"
What is this?" exclaimed a Burling-
Ton lady as she opened letter and some
thing like crumpled postage stamp fell
out. "Oh, yes; | remember now. It's
that Boston bathing suit | ordered for
Nellie"
A recent advertisement in a morning
paper read; " When will my own love re-
turn? Jane" The next day the follow
ing appeared: When does the old man
leave town? Tom" 1t is believed that
the two have some sort of connection.
Just think of it." said Vassar eradu-
ate, " here is an account of train being
thrown from 4 track by misplaced switch
How utterly careless some women are about
leaving their hair around" And she went
on reading and eating caramels.
Sturgeon tells an amusing story of the
old lady who started up, when her grand
son was about to take her umbrella. ex
claiming, No, now you don't Eve hac
that Umbrella for twenty-thrce years, anc
its never been wet yet and youain't going
30 begin"
Yes, they are excellent boots" said tn,
shoe dealer to the young lady purchaser
they will wear like IRON ''Do yo1
think the buttons are sewed on securely g?
she asked. They are; the boots are sup
piled with the old maids wedding but
ton, 4 new invention Why is it Gale,
the old maids wedding button?o Be
Canse it never comes off,
An Atlantic City paper says that tn
greatest sight of the seaside IS the boar,
walk in the evenings. The board walk /
Il new name for skipping out and NEGLECT
ing to see the landIady. The evening is
poor time for board walking. Il geutrall
occurs later in the night, when the land
lady is sweetly dreaming of the BROW
stone front she will buy with her summe
profits Brooklyn Times.
sam Bennett, of San Antonio, being a
Galveston a few days ago, went into bar
Der shop to get shaved, and while Their
got into row with a gentleman VIII
wanted to get his hair trimmed. the
disputed as to who was next "Pu Sc
YOU later" said Sam; this is no place t
have a difficulty" That's Just where yot
are mistaken There can be no more APP
propriate place than barber shop to razo
row. Texas Siftings.
a talking bore in this city, and a medi
cal man, caught hold Of the button OF
ecnueman's coat the other day, whom h
met on Main street, and held him there i
conversation. After q weary time Of il
the gentleman took out his penknite an
ca, the button from his coat. leaving it i
the talking bore'~ hand. lie never notice
that his friend had gone, but, with tn
button between his fingers, went on taIEin
As lively as ever Vide Winnipeg Sih
Ings.