Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1884-02-28
WIT AND HUh0R.

4
room for a man of force" He had
probably met Sullivan in crowd.
Irving smokes cigarettes almost con-
tinually. We always thought he was
fond of puffs.
The use of French word in English
composition frequently fills the place of
an idea.
New York ladies now take lessons in
fencing. They hope to make them
selves more killing than ever.
Conceit is ike grease. Itserves to lu-
bricate the machine of life and make it
run smoother.
A topper defends his custom of get
ting tight on Thanksgiving day by say
ing that man can not see Turkey
without thinking of the Golden Horn.
It's mighty mean man who wrote
Pull Down the Blind" He would
probably be in favor of beating the
cripples.
AWestern man calls his trotting horse
''2. y The animal, it is supposed, has
only been successful in two races, hence
his odd name. Twice won's So"
A blue-stocking has written an essay
on 1.-The Disadvantage of Being Pretty"
Most girls are good-natured and willing
to put up with the disadvantages.
A mis- is Japanese measure of
length 1,500 yards long. This is
mis- that is very nearly as good rs
mile.
THAT man liked to have knocked my
brains out" ''Why, you don't say SOP
l didn't notice that he kicked you. l
thought he hit you on the head"
NO" said Mr.. Carefulbody, "Inever
say good word of any man. How do
] know but he will be up for Office some
day or other?"
About the most amusing thing we
know of is to watch bald-headed man
with wig try to scratch his head in
church on Sunday morning.
"Yes," said Amy. 81 went to the
telephone and put the thingumbob to
my car" "Thingumbobr' scream
ed the high-school girl; ''you mean the
audituent tube"
Ofer you got rebutation, yoost put
him by der key und lock. He vas yoost
like some umbrellas, when you loose
him you dond see him not any more
yet.-CarL Pretzel.
Landlady-''It's singular, but true,
Mr.. Crossgrain that all my boarders
remain with me-" New boarder Cat
first meaD-"Too weak to leave, l
/ guess, after the first week"
The New York Sun fails to answer a
correspondent who asks show can pro-
family on street cars and in other public
places be checkedp" How would it do
to ''turn the rascals out
There is one cheering reflection con-
nected with the subject of cremation.
If it ever becomes general. callow poets
will quit chanting their lays about the
cold, cold grave.
"What are you laughing at, my dear?"
asked Mrs Jones of her husband, who
was chuckling over his morning paper.
Something | saw here" he replied.
'but it's hardly funny enough for two."
Reassuring: Sick man-What! lady
physician? l want q doctor to make
me well, not woman, to make love to
ME. Woman physician-I promise to
do neither.
| A sick friend writes to us to ascertain
the shortest road to health. There are
two paths-allopaths and homeopaths;
you take your choice and pay your
money.
Il wish had pug dog said an
uptown youth recently. "What in the
world d. you want one of the critters
for?' asked friend. 81 know where
l could sell him for $15!' was the earn
est reply.
$50 your husband is q critic? Now,
tell me, does he always write just what
he thinks about play?' ''Oh, dear,
no! 1t wouldn't do. His paper goes
into the best families, and profanity is
out of the question"
''How is Johnnie doing at SCHOOL,"
asked lady of Johnnie's mamma dur
ing call. ''Splcndidly. He talks in
two languages now.' ''Dear me.
What are they; French or German?'
"Oh, no. English and profanc.'
Monsignor Capel says that there is
more immortality in the daily newspa-
pers than anywhere else. The reason
for this state of affairs is that the daily
newspapers are filled with the immor-
alities of the rest of the world.
Married men have nothing to say in
disapproval Of the ''shingled bang
As a rule, married man doesn't care
what his wife does to her own hair so
long as she keeps her fingers out of
his.
"Do you ever gambler" she asked, as
they sat together, her hand held in his.
He replied: mo; but if wanted to
now would be my time ''How so."
Because I hold beautiful hand"
The engagement is announced.
An Erie canal mule has toed the tow
path of that raging inland sea since
1858, and isn't worn out yet. The ca
pabilities of the mule are always thrust
| ing themselves to the front-or to the
rear, we don't remember which.
"What do we learn from the parable
of the seven wise and seven foolish vir-
gins?" was recently asked in a Texas
Sunday school. "That we must watch
every hour for the coming OF the bride
groom" gushing Galveston girl re-
piled.
"You ought to be in your own room
now," said Amy, 1--WE have q teacher
that rules the roost" ''Well," replied
the Boston high school girl. "rd be
ashamed of myself; you should say,
governs the horizontal perch on which
the fowl. reposes,' not rules the roost.''
A colored girl was heard the other
day to remark confidentially to a friend: