Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-08-27
PLEASANTRTES.

THERE are 1877 candidates for the
thirteen sheriffs' offices in Montana
this season.
THE seersucker craze will be of few
days, but the beersuckers, like Tennv-
sons brook, will 60 on fore7er.-TIn-
dianapolis Herald.
BRAKEMAN (rapidly)--"Nextstop
Broadstreet passengerswillpl easere1n
seated until train comestoaful lstopatthe
stationl" Suddenly awakened deacon
dervently )-"A-m-e-np- Philadelphia
Call.
AN old lady having seven marriage
able daughters, fed them exclusively on
fish diet, because it is rich in phos-
phorous and PHOSPHORUS is the essen
tial thing in making Matches Spring
field Republican.
A WEST SOMERSET, England, Jury is
said to have returned the verdict,
" Died by the hereditary visitation of
God," in The case of a man who had
broken his neck while drunk, and whose
grandfather had met with like mishap.
The soprano wanted the tenor turned
out or the choir because, after hearing
her run up and down the scale six or
seven times in one breath. he remarked
that she was very successful as wind
lass st. Adams Messenger.
WHATS this thing?" asked man
who was inspecting a music store.
"That? Oh, that's used on violins.
We call it chin rest" Gimme onep
exclaimed the visitor. "S'pose it would
work on my wife Pr Burlington Free
Press.
THERE comes time in every little
girls life when she is seized with
longing to cook. And there comes a
time in every big girls life when she is
seized with longing to hire somebody
else to cook. 1t comes after she gets
married.
AN Ohio farmer says that cow can
be cured of kicking by catching hold of
her leg while in the act. Just SO; and
bee can be cured of singing by catch
ing hold of it's singer while in the act.
Try 'em both some time. It's fun
burlington Free Press.
FIRST old gentleman-"Who is that
handsome young N an standing there?"
Second ditto That's my daughters
husband very brilliant young mamie
made fortune through the law" First
O. -"Indeedp Second O. Eyes;
the law made me his father"
"YEs, said Mrs Liberal, "I hate those
Straiters, they are so awfully bigoted;
but they needn't be so stuck up about
their religion. The liberal faith is gain
ing fast, and it won't be many years,
of Il
they are boston Transcript.
No." SAID the housemaid, II don't
apologize to man when I throw a
bucket Of water down the front steps to
wash 'em, and he comes along and gets
drenched. I've tried apologizing, but
I've found there's nothing you can say
to man will satisfy him. Life.
NEW girl-Oh, Missus, there's some
thing the matter with the milk. Mis-
tress-Mercy me what is it New
girl-a yellow scum has gathered on top
of it. I'm fear'd it's spoiled. Mistress
were you brought up? New
girl-In New Yorrick. Mistress
thought so.--[ Philadelphia Call.
Mr.. MCCRoRY is a very positive man
and a most earnest pulpit orator. He
was putting his whole heart into his ex-
hortation, as usual, when the little child
pulled her father by the beard and asked
in loud and anxious whisper: "Papa,
who said anything to him? What is he
so mad about?"
A CoUNTRYMAN was sowing his ground
when two smart fellows came riding by,
one of whom called out with an insolent
air: We'll, my good man, tits your
business to SOW; but we reap the fruits
of your labor" The rustic replied:
/" tbs very like you may, for just now I
am sowing hemp. Juvenal.
TwELvE-YEAR- OLD bad boy: ISIS, your
feller's in tight place." Sister, alarm
ed: "Why, what do you mean, Bob?"
when was getting your face powder
in the drug store this noon I saw him
in behind the screen" Sister: "Shhl
papa will hear" Bad boy: "Pa was
there, too !"- Burlington Free Press.
MISS EULAL1A-"I don's see what the
men can find to admire in that Miss
Hanson to call her the belle of the
springs. I think she's Just horrid."
Miss Eudora-"So do 7. She is SO dis
gracefully vulgar" Miss Eulalia-"I
had not noticed that" Miss Eudora-
"Oh, her vulgarity is simply unendur-
able. What do you Think The other
afternoon when we were playing lawn
tennis, she actually got in parspira-
ton"
SAM JoHNsING having attended a
night school for few weeks, believes
that he is the smartest niger in Austin.
He was witness in burglary case, and
created sensation by his intelligence.
" Dc you think you would recognize
the burglar if you were to see him
again?" Why, boss, OBJ course I
would" "You are sure you would iden-
tify the thief if you were to see him
again?" ST tell you SO agin. Use not
one OBJ desc fool niggers what doesn't
know muffin, Icould IDENTIFY dat man
chen if / nebber seed him ag'in. I
don't hab ter see him ag'in to IDENTIFY
him. Texas Siftings.
SOME of FLOYD County's colored citi-