davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24
I The Telenhone Girl.


" hen Pitypoy called up the tele'
phohe gifi the other evening tolnio'm
thg unueF'"kef' thst tue CONN iur-
nlshod 'll'i lor Ms wlic was 100 snort she
was tiyipg !" uirt win q Telegraph
operator "eroS' Tue street. ana did not
lNe 10 ne disturbed 80 she answered
Sh'rt'y' uho rang inc pe'i III rltyDoy ;
ear poV ne was III DO frame Oh nina
ior "pu''ng ner, SO nc meeNly sala'
on ana ASK 70 DC co'iiec.co WIN
NO, no. "Heh inc conVefS"''on ran
Us @ i9,'Ow'' :,
nei,o 4,
I'eiio
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oeh' gov" 'n'' ''''H''s ior NY "iie
Is zoo snort
- '''"' ~ 'io" '""o'i 'oo 'iioi
"
II n hon
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24
His Half Son.

as this young man your son2' ask.
ed the judge of an old negro who had
been arraigned before court.
"'He's my half son, sah."
"Half son? How do you make
that ?"
"His mudder wu2 married fore
married her."
Then he's your stepson.'
mo, sab, he ain't, cause he wan'l
born'd for two years arter his muddei
married me"
"Then he's your son."
The old fellow scratched his head
for moment and said;
Don't de fack dat his mudder wuz
married oman fore she ebber seed
me make dis boy my half son ~
"Of course not"
"Den he's my whole son, is he?"
Yes" .,s.t
s"Come heah ter me, Silas, aud let
yer daddy fling his arms round yer
Been er. busin' half o. dat boy all o
his life. Come heah ter yer daddy,
sab. -Arkansaw Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

In o contest over will certain
witness was giving his evidence as to
the disposition of the testator. "Waa
he good natured mani" asked the
attorney. Not altogether" "Was
he cross, then ?" "Well, yes, rather,
in places" "Was he very cross p
Considerably" "How cross was he I
Give us an example of his disposi.
tien." "Well, sir, he was that cross
that when he called up the cows at
milking time it made the milk sour." )"
"That's enough. Stand down. -
Merchant Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

"Pepi, how did you get along in
school today Badly, papa, the
teacher gave me a tfashing." "Why%
"Well, he asked me how many teeth
a man had, and / said whole mouth
full."-Fliegende Blatter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

A good deacon not thousand
miles from Oil City, being late al
church where it was his duty to hold
service, asked the congregation to ex.
cuse his tardiness, as he had been up
until late in the night before opening
the finest lot of dry goods ever bought
in the town.-Oil City Derrick.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

some ro5ber having broke in a
geuteuIans house, Ncut to tue bed Of
the servant, aud told him il he moved
he was dead man That's a false.
hood said he, FOR if | move Im
sure that I'm alive. .g37--Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

"Truth lies at the bottom of a well"
says an exchange, but if Truth de.
sires to accomplish anything by lying
it should come to the surface to lie.
People do not care to go to the bot
tom of well to hear fish yarns.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

In China Foo Chow means Happy
City."-Detroit Free Press. We
thought it meant something good to
eat,-Chicago Sun. Well something
good to eat makes happy city
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

There is one respect in which fash.
ionable young ladies and old herring
fishermen are exactly alike-they
both spend the greater part of their
time Dragging about last years catch
Burlington Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

Mr.. Winks.-"Jane, have you fed
the dog this morning?" Mrs. Winks
-"No, he doesn't need anything"
"Why, / have not given him any
meat since yesterday morning; have
you ?" "No, but one Of Marar's fel-
lers called last night. Chicago Tri.
hune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

Life is short-only four letters in
it. Three-quarters of it is "lie," and
a half of it is an "if." Put this on
"fle" if you would as "lief."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

5. b. Durfey, mate Of steamer Ari-
zona. had his foot badly jammed
Thomas Eclectr'c Oil ,urcd it,, Moth.
ing equal to il for quick pain re-
lever.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

Sleep, natures sweet restorer," is
the best grindstone we know Of to
brighten ones ideas.-Kentucky State
Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

Speaking of matrimonial yokes, a
New York woman has just run away
with Mr.. Egge,-Rochester Post Ex-
press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

"How will you have your hair
?" may not be slang, but it is GER
tainly barberism.-Oil City Der
rick.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

The cream of a joke would be lost
upon milkman-he wouldn't know
what it was.-The Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

As matter of fact, anybody has a
right to complain of coffee when he
finds grounds for it in his cup.-Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

know it hard, and know it with one
hand tied behind me, it is that.-Bill
Nyo in Free Press. ..i
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

The last rows of summer-those
taken on the lake just before leaving
for town.-Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

The old man Jones was rubbing
his hands and smiling all over as he
met Brown the other day, and the latter
felt compelled to inquire: "Has your
silver mine turned out q bonanza ?"
Haven't heard from it IN four weeks. "
"You look as pleased as if you had a
thousand tons of ore in sight" "Oh,
no; have just been giving away
$4,000 worth Of the, stock" "Not
giving it away ?"' ''Ycs, sir. Didn't
cost the recipients penny. "Well,
what kind of a way is that to run a
silver mine p Don't you worry,
Brown--not bit. We've got to
have some shares out in order to make
an assessment, and next week we
shall call for seventy cents on the
dollar in order 10 meet the expenses
Of survey and machinery. Don't
worry about me. Mr.. Brown" WALL
street News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

A Justices pantaloons can hardly
be called breaches of the peace
Boston Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

A Chinese want-Celestial music.
Philadelphia Record.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

1t is the successful trapeze perform
er who generally reaches the climb
acts.-Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

Those who visit mountainous
country soon get used to the olimb-it.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

IT'S the last roast of summer
Philadelphia Call
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

The heated term-go to blazers
Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

Should mustard plaster be classed
among drawing materials?-Oil City
Derrick.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

MOTE PAPER at Is cents per quire at the An
~ Gus office.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

The emigration Of bank cashiers to
Canada looks like an ex-owed-us.-
Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

Day and Evening Express daily, Sundays except
ed. Night Express daily, Saturdays excepted.
o. W. RUGGLES, g. A. DAVIS,
Genl Pass & Ticket hgt., Local Ag't,
Chicago, Ill. Alger, Mich.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24
ADAMSON'S
Botanic BaISan1 !!
The Greatest victory of Med
icUl sScicncC.
New Trial sizes, 10 Cents. Regular
Size 35 and 7J Cents.

IL i pleasant 60 take and cures Colds. Couah-.
Asthma, Influenza, lioarscncss, Difficult Breath
ing and all affections OF tho ThrOat, Bronchial
Tubes and Lungs leading 70
CONt$V NIpTION.
II IS prepared from Hghly- Concentrated Necc-
table Extracts and Barks, Gums and Roots of Won
deitu healing properties. and this Basam is highly
commended by Clergyman, Eminent Physicians
and Scientific Men everywhere, testn 1niala from
whom we can furnish without number
Eminent Physician.
From George w. Martin, NJ. d. graduto OF I'm
lversity OF New York, and J, II. Storms, N. d. for
merly surgeon National Military Asylum, Togus
Me-:
Having examined the formula from which Adam
sons Botanic Cough Balsam is prepared we recon-
mend t rs safe aud reliable medicine for the cur
OF coughs, colds, whooping-cough. asthma. etc.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-09-24

Journal
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
Farm Lite for Young Men.
[Exchange,I

There IS no occupation SO grand, so noble, and that which makes one so in- dependent as farming. It gives you an opportunity for mental culture during the winter, and physical strength during the summer. It is home where good mor- als can be entertained, without those al- lurements which are always predominant in city life.
 He who tills the soil is engaged in an honorable occupation. Agriculture is the greatest among the arts, for it is first in supplying our necessities it favors and strengthens population it creates and maintains manufactures; gives employ ment to navigation and materials'to com merce. 1t is also the strongest bond of well regulated society, the surest basis of international peace, the natural associate of good morals.
 50 the young man who desires to leave the farm and go out into the wide world for himself, perhaps to some far of city. or to some spot on his native land, where he imagines there will be a paradise open for him; such a step in life should be well considered before taken.
 1t IS good thing to lit yourself for a lawyer, doctor, or minister, but 1t is a better thing to know that you can be one. Young men, favored with every opportu- nity for enjoyment at home, and not over worked, imagine that they can do far better than to guide the OK, or to turn the stubborn glebe. And, with the merest trifle of consideration, the hands are with drawn from the implements of agriculture and given to the office or the shon woyL of the city. And thus thousands of young men are utterly ruined. If they would only stop and think, "What can make of myself2'
 The question, "To what is my ability mostly adapted ?" then they might go for ward into life's journey with a better prospect of success.
 Ever remember" writes Goldthwait, !" that for health and substantial wealth. for rare opportunities for selfimprove- ment, for long life and real independence, farming is the best business in the world. '
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
Southern Bicycle Tournament.

The growing favor with which the use full and beautiful exercise of bicycling is being received in the south, has led the Memphis Bicycle club, an organization composed of number of enterprising young men in that city, to conceive the idea of a Southern Bicycle tournament. The success which has attended similar affairs wherever they have been given in the north and east, and the belief that if properly managed, such an event would materially aid the cause of wheeling in the south, they have determined to move in that direction at once. It is proposed to give two or three days races during the spring, upon fine half-mile track in the suburbs of Memphis, and if sufficient number of wheelmen can be induced to participate, prizes amounting in value to several hundred dollars will be offered. Hotel accommodations and railroad fares at reduced rates will be secured, and every possible inducement offered. Wheelmen everywhere in reach of Mem- phis should at once write to w. L. Sur prise, secretary of the Memphis Bicycle club, Memphis, Tenn, and give the movement their hearty support.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
MARK rwAIN's PLAY.
lExchange.l

On the production at the Fifth avenue theatre, New York, of "Ah Sin, the Heathen Chinee," 1" the joint production of Bret Harte and Mark Twain, the latter gentleman, upon being called before the curtain, made the following speech:
 "This," said he, "is very remarkable play. dent know as you noticed it as it went along, but it is. The construction of this play and the development of the story are the result of great research, and srudition, and genius, and inven- tion-and plagiarism. When the authors wrote it, they thought they would put in a great lot of catastrophes and murders, aud such things, because they always enliven an evening so but we wanted to have some disaster that wasn't hack neyed, and after good deal of thought we hit upon the breaking down of a stage coach.
 "The worst of getting good original idea like that is the temptation to overdo it and, in fact, when the play was all done we found that we had got that stage-coach breaking down seven times in the first act. It was to come right along here every seven minutes or SO, and spill all its passengers over on the musicians. We'll you see, that wouldn't do; it made it monotonous for the musi- clans, and it was too stagey and we had to modify it; and there isn't anything left of the original plan now except one breakdown of the coach, and one car- riage breakdown, and one pair of run away horses. Maybe we might have spared even some of these; but you see we had the horses, and we didn't like to waste them. l wish to say, also, that this play is didactic rather than anything else. It is intended rather for instruction than amusement.
 "The Chinaman is getting to be a pretty frequent figure iu the United States, and is going to be great political problem ; and we thought it we'll for you to see him on the stage before yeu had to deal with that problem. Then, for the instruction of the young, we have in- troduced a game of poker. There are few things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The upper class know very little about it. Now and then you find ambassadors who have sort of general knowledge of the game, but the ignorance of the peo. pie at large is fearful. Why, have known clergymen, good men, kind hearted, liberal, sincere, and all that, who did not know the meaning of a flush It is enough to make one ashamed of ones species.
 "When our play was finished, we found it was so long, and so broad, and so deep-in places-that it would have taken a week to play it. thought that was all right we could put 'To be con- tinued on the curtain, and run it straight along. But the manager said 'No;' it would gel us into trouble with the general public, and into trouble with the general government, because the constitution forbids the infliction of cruel or unusual punishment. So he cut out, and cut out, and the more he cut out the better the play got. never saw play that was SO much improved by being cut down and believe it would have been one of the very best plays in the world if his strength had held out so that he could cut out the whole of it."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
A First-Class House,

There is probably no house in the south carving larger or more complete stock of Win' s and Liquors than Nick Kupferle, at his wholesale establish ment, northwest csrner Main and Mark ham streets, Little Rock. His stock embraces Bottled Beer, Ale, Porter Ginger Ale, Seltzer and Apollinaris waters; Mentebello, Dry Monopole Cliquot, Roederer and the celebrated Royal Champagne; Rhine wines, Clarets and California wines; Hoff's Mott Ex- tract, Green and Clark's Champagne Cider, also, fine whiskies and cigars, case goods and general saloon supplies With a stock complete in every detail dealers may send their orders with a Ger. tainty of their being filled promptly and at the lowest ruling prices.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
.1aNx@ @9RGa9S k
SOLD BY ALL NEWSDEALERS.

TIE ARKANsAw TRAVELLER can be pro cured wholesale at the following wholesale Devs depots; American News Company New YOrk, American News Co.,, Denver, Colo, 2. ]. O'Brien, Kansas City, Mo, @. Fl. Watts, Omaha, Neb., American News Co.,, St. Paul, Minn., Baltimore News Co.,, Baltimore, Md, Central News Co.,, Philadelphia, Pa., Cincinnati News Co.,, Cincinnati, Ohio, Detroit News Co.,, Detroit, Mich., Montreal News Co.,, Montreal, Canada, Newark News Co.,, Newark, N. J., New England News Co.,, Boston, Mass, New York News Co.,, New York, Pittsburg News Co.,, Pittsburg, Pa, Rhode Island News Co.,, Providence, R. l., San Francisco News Co.,, San Francisco, Cal. St. Louis News Co.,, St. Louis, Mo-, Toronto News Co.,, Niagara Falls, Ontario, Western News Co.,, Chicago, H., Washington News Co.,, Washington, D. C., New Orleans News Co.,, New Orleans, La., The Cleveland News Co.,, Cleveland, O.,
 LONDON. r. W. Hetherington, 3s4, Strand.
 MEXICO. International News Co.,, Aguas Calientes And Is sold by all retail newsdealers every where.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
Firemen's Benefit.

On Tuesday evening, December 30, a complimentary testimonial to the Little Rock Fire Department will be given at the Grand Opera House. The enter tainment will consist of voca' and instru- mental music, recitations, etc, by our leading home talent. The programme arranged for the occasion will be specially interesting, and every one should show appreciation of the best volunteer fire de- partment in the south by ate nding. Tickets are but SO cents.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
A Cheap Pair of Pictures.

For forty cents we will mail, postpaid, to any address. the splendid colored en- cravings, The Arkansaw Traveller and "The Turn of the Tune"; also, without extra charge, the original story of the Arkansaw Traveller" as told by Col. Sandy Faulkner. The pictures arc gotten up in the highest style of art and possess ing such historical interest they should have place in every household. Postage stamps taken. Address, Read & Benham, Little Rock. Ark.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
To postmasters,

By slight exertiQn which need not in- terfero with any of their duties, postmas- ters and others may earn for themselves handsome sum in commissions by re- eeiving subscriptions to THE ARKANsAw TRAVELLER. The paper has only to be seen to be appreciated, and with no journal in the south can subscription agents do so well as with this paper. Write to us for terms, specimen copies tor distribution, etc.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
The Schubert Club.

A crowded house greeted the repetition of the Schubert Club concert at the Tabernacle last week. The programme embraced some very choice selections, all of which were rendered in a style far above the ordinary amateur vocalist. Prof. Wallace, director of the Schubert Club, is an experienced teacher, and his methods of vocal training are of the best. It IS to be hoped that the club will give frequent entertainments during the season.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Dealers throughout the state should remember that Nick Kupferle, at his wholesale house, northwest corner Main and Markham streets, Little Rock, car ries the largest and best assorted stock of general saloon supplies in Arkansaw. This house makes a speciality of the finer grades of wines, liquors and cigars, and the dealer will find upon in- quiry that he can save money by placing his orders with N. KupferIe.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Henry Buerger, who for SO many years has had the Arkansaw agency of Lemp's St Louis lager beer, continues to lead the beer trade of the state. His house on Markham street Is headquarters for beer, Ice, and all saloon supplies.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
Companion Pictures.

The historical pictures of "The Arkan- saw Traveller" and "The Turn of the Tune," together with the original dia- logue of "The Arkansaw Traveller. D mailed to any address on receipt of 40 cents. Read & Benham, Little Rock,Ark.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
It IS q Fact.

It may not be generally known, but it IS nevertheless a fact, that in the manu- lecture, engraving and repairing of fine jewelry, Louis C. BernaYs, of Little Rock, can successfully compete with manufac- turers of the larger cities. His manu. featuring and engraving departmen, is in charge of MT. Fred Spotts, an artistic en- graver, and finished workman in all branches of the trade.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

The Yonkers Stakesman thinks it isn't strange to hear of woman dying with out will, because she has exercised it so much during her life that there is nothing left of it when she dies.-Ex.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Enenbogan & Elkan's Telephone Ex- change" corner Markham and Cumber- land streets, is one of the popular resorts of the city. Lemp's beer always on tap.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Wilson & Webb keep all the latest styles of stationery. Their counters are filled with all the popular magazines, news papers and periodicals, and they are head quarters for blank books, writing fluids etc.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27
Beautiful Cards.

A set of magnificent Floral Cards, 2 6 inches, sent free to all persons who have used Browns Iron Bitters. State dis ease and effect. Write your address plain ly. Brown Chemical Co.,, Baltimore, Md.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Trying to chew chocolate caramels with false teeth, and essaying to unite fast-knotted shoestrings with dogskin gloves on, is very like trying to do busi- ness without advertising Carl PyetseIs $ HrsEIv.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Carlyle says laughter is sympathy If this is so, the fellow who straddles painfully across the skating-rink floor and then sits down so suddenly that he telescopes his spine up into the back oi his head, gets all the sympathy the oc. casion calls for.-LoweE Cit,sen.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Nothing is impossible to him who wills always excepting the having of the provisions of his will carried out.-Bossou IIaaseyibf.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

LA. Jungkind, 7I4 Main street, keeps full line ot drugs, fancy toilet articles, etc. Peruvian Bark Bitters and TIE ARKANsAw TRAVELLER, the great anti bilious remedies, are sold there.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

~~v.. ,. ... iSi
 With umbrellas like men, it is gener- ally the poorest that gets left.-Mfw Xerk /eHynak No it is the owner who gets left.-Bo,kos Globe.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

The tables of the Southern Palace, ao8 Main street, are the best supplied in the city. When you want a first-class meal call at the Southern Palace.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

A father who has put his boy into a law office, speaks of him as his son.in- law.-BoskoN Stay.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Hymn to be sung at the obsequies O a gentlemen who didn't know it was loaded: "A charge to keep l have."- Pitts6xyg CAyoaie1e.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

The front steps are deserted now. The season has passed when she stoops to conquer-B0ston Budget.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

The paper on which THE TRAVELLER is printed is furnished by the Graham Pa per Company, St. Louis, Mo.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

The paper on which THE TRAvELER is printed is furnished by The Graham Pa per Company, St. Louis, Mo.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Confectionery in the greatest variety at she Southern Palace, 4o8 Main Street.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Flirts are not so bad as they are painted.--Nsv Orleans Picayxne.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

The easiest way to take a joke good naturedly is to do it with the scissors.- s. Paul Poyfyayer.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Foreign and domestic fruits at the Southern Palace, 4o8 Main street.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

The good dye young when they are prematurely gray.-Mew Oyleans Pica yKne.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Light weight-The tonnage of carg of kerosene.-B0skOn Stay.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-27

Go to the Southern Palace, 4o8 Main street, for fruit and confectionery.