Northwest enterprise. [volume] (Anacortes, Wash. Ter.) 1882-1887, 1884-05-17
fHH MODERN HAT.RAu.
Diaboiical Character 81 This WsasA.
omish ContYivoAce.
fFrom the New York T1mAAl

Diaboiical Character 81 This HsaxA.
snish Contrivance.
fFrom the New York T1msal
No candid man can examine tho mod
ern hatrack without feeling that it i e1-
plioabls only on the theory OF Its
demoniacal origin. Indeed, the human
mind h 90 constituted that itinstinctve.
ly refers all the contrivances ostensibly
intended for holding hats to tho devil,
and most of us would confess . belief
that the devil makes hat-racks did We
not fear the derision OF so-caliedPhiloso-
pliers. II it reasonable TO suppose that
any human being seriously designed for
Q good purpose the combination Of brass
rods which il to be seen above the t.
bles in certain restaurantsf Ostensibly
these rods are intended for temporary
storage of hatH; but when man tries
TO put his has ON . bra.s-rod rack il in.
stantly falls down again, and brings with
it two other hats and . pie OF newspa-
pers, the former Of which upset the cas-
ter. while the latter diffuse themselves
over the butter and the beefsteak.
Nothing but the theory Of the active In
6uence Of evil spirits can account for
this style Of hat rack, and yet It u really
inferior in ingenious malignity 10 the
common hat-rack Of private houses.
This diabolical continuance is always
placed in the dark corner OF the hall-a
fact which shows that evil spirits are
concerned not merely In manufacturing
but in placingit. Tho consequence is that
the visitor gropes for it, and, in 90 do
ing, infallibly knocks down the over
coats and hats which are already hung
upon Il. When he is able to perceive il
with his eyes, he can And no satisfactory
peg. The malicious manufacturer never
fails TO make the pegs 90 short that to
induce hat to balance itself upon one
OF them Is . task requiring both time
and dexterity. Not content with this,
the manufacturer places the pegs 90
Close together that II is impossible for
two adjoining pegs to support each it,
own hat at the same time. The ordi-
nary visitor learns this truth only by sad
experience. He persists in trying to
hang his hat on tho peg next to that
which bears tho hat Of tho head Of the
house. and it is only after he has knocked
the original hat down with his own hat,
and then knocked his own hat down by
trying to restore the other to Its origin
ri place, that he perceives the fell pur-
pose OF the maker Of hat-rackA
Only the ingenuity of demons could
have combined IN umbrella stand with
hat-rack. The object Of this unholy
combination Is obviously to tempt the
visitor to deposit his overcost on the
protruding handles Of half . dozen
umbrellas aud canes. The prudent man
rarely attempts to hang his ovcrcoat on
Q peg. for he knows that in 20 doing he
viii knock down al the hats. Moreover,
Il il the practice Of the satanic manfact-
urex to put in tho regs 90 loosely that
the weight of an overcoet when put on
any one Of them will pull It out He,
therefore, folds his overcoat up and Lays
it gently on the umbrella handles. In
stautly these delusive supports give way.
A rafting avalanche of canes and umbrel-
las strikes ON tho marble floor, and tho
betrayed overcOat gathers TO itself oil
the available dirt that has accumulated
in the bottom OF tho umbrella stand,
while the startled and indignant visitor
breaks into language which might well
all listening demons with fiendish Joy.
So notorious las the character OF the
combined hat-rsck aud umbrella
stand become that wise men never
NEEDLE with it, but uniformly place
their folded overcoats ON tho floor in .
corner of the hall, and put their hats
on their overcoats.
Now, il we attempt 10 account for the
hat-rack on any theory which excludes
the supernatural, We make . complete
failure. 1t il in vain for US to ask our
selves why men should make an article
of furniture that can accomplish no con.
ceivable end except the evaporation Of
mankind. The moment we assume that
hat-racks are the work of evil spirits
they become coherent and Ineligible.
II Il not, then, q pity that the abolition
Of faith in evil spirits leaves n without
any method Of accounting for the sx-
istencs Of hat-rscks, and compels N 10
cay that We do not know, aud cannot CON-
osive, for what purpose they are mads'