The weekly Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 1882-188?, 1884-03-13

EdltOT-"Iou know II was discovered |
49, time ago that a man whose picture |
was r<he rogues' gallery had II position !
under tha-eblty government ?
Citizen-"Oh. yeS-! and indignation
meetings were held and We papers
actually thnndered ag linst the disgrace
Edltor-"WeII, have just received
intelligence that we have won, and
Chicago can once more hold up hcr head
above all the world"
aged?'
Editor-"The authorities ha} 10 back
water, and they have taken his picture
out of the rogues' gallery"
LUCKY GIRL.
Mabel-"So Captain Paul Boyton is
to be married"
Eiith-"Indeed Who to %
Mabel-9A Cincinnati girl, | he.
lieve."
Elith-"Lucky girl |"
Mabel-"ls Captain Boyton such
great catch 2
Edith-"I don't know that he is. "
Mabel-"Then, why is she so lucky?"
E1ith-"You said she lived in Gin
cinnati, didn't you?"
Mabel-"Yes."
Edith-"well, it is a mighty lucky
thing for Cincinnati girl to have
husband that can swim.
IN A BRIC-A BRAC STORE.
Customer--''How much is that coat
of mail worth ?"
Clerk-"This, sir, is a very rare OBJ
iect, centuries old; but We will let you
have it for $500
Customer -"All right. I will take it,
provided, of course, it fits.
Clerk-"Fits ?"
Customer-"It looks little too large
for me-"
Clerk-"Great Cmsar you don't want
to wear it, do you?"
Customer-"Oh, yes; | will put it
right on. Hurry lp, for time Is money,
and ] ought to be at work"
Clerk-'At work, and in a coat of
mail What in the world are You, any
| how?"
Customer-T am book agent"
A FAMILIAR FACE.
Jones-"Dear me! Here comes an
other hand-organ. But what an inter
esting face that woman with the tam
BOURNE has"
Smith-"Yes, / was noticing il.
Seems to me / have seen her before"
Jones-"Not at all unlikely. In all
probability you were once an admirer of
hers"
Smith-'Do you mean to insult me,
sir?"
Jones-"Not at all Not at all But
you know great many American bellies
have married titled foreigners.
FATHER AND SON.
$50 you have lost your position, said
a father to his son who had been work
ing in grocery store.
"Yes," replied the son.
"Did your employer give any reason
for discharging youP
"He said / loaded myself too much
from the cider barrel"
"Ah, / see And what did you say
when he fired your
II didn't say word. l just went
off,
UNCERTAIN WHAT TO DO.
"See here, my friend, that dog of
yours killed three sheep of mine last
| night, and | want to know what you
propose to do about it ?"
Are you sure it was my dog?"
eyes"
"Well, l hardly know what to do. ]
guess had better sell him. You don't
want to buy good dog, do you?"
IN THE WEST.
News Editor-"Anodt.ais7r :. 81 Il rrsi!yay disas-
ter-broken bridge-many killed, etc.
etc. What shall do with ?"
Managing Editor-"Oh, put it in the
column of Every Day Happenings.
SAD ENDING.
"Ah, how de do, Minks Z? Allow me
to congrat-- but pardon me, perhaps
i am premature; was under the impress
sion that your wedding day was fixed for
| last week"
Eyes, it was. You were away at the
time, l believe"
Yes, Just got back. How did the
affair"
But there was no affair; the marriage
did not take place, and 1 am nearly
crazy with grief."
"Poor fellow how you must suffer.
Did your loved one become ill ?"
Worse than that"
"Worse o.
"Yes, her father failed"
NOT PATENTED.
First Lecturer-"How did you like
Buffalo?''
Second Lecturer-"I was delighted
with the place"
Indeed Why, when lectured there
brass band had the adjoining hall, and
they made fearful racket"
''Yes, that is the way it was while /
was there"
"But didn't it nearly drive you crazy p
ut certainly was not very pleasant.
but think OF the novelty Of the thing"
"The novelty?"
''Yes; not one of the audience went to
sleep"
HORRIBLE REVELATIONS
Mabel--"Oh Edith, have Just heard
the awfulest thing about the Blanks"
Edith-"Goodness gracious What is
it?"
Mabel-'Their grandfather used to
keep fish stand in one end of the mar.
ket."
Edith--"Oh, it can't be -
Mabel-"But it is. Grandma saws
she has often seen him cleaning fish for
customers"
Edith-"How did grandma happen to
see him ?"
Mabel-"Why, you see, she was the
proprietor of an egg and butter en-
porium at the other end"
LEARNING TO COOK,
''Send my daughter to a cooking
school ?" exclaimed New York mother.
"No, indeed; our position in society for
bids it. Why she would be compalIed