New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-05-07
ssTHE PIE-BITERS."
The Authorship Finally Conclusively
Settled.

The literary sensation of 1883 was
1.-THE Pie iters,' q novel of contem-
poraneous human interest appearing
In the Centennial Magazines It was .
work of considerable force and origin.
atty. Its plot was novel and interest
ing; the characters were vigorously,
though at times crudely, drawn, and
the dialogue was of > popular, breezy
nature. Its chief attraction, however,
was tho air Of mystery which surround
ed its origin. The public, ignorant Of
the identity Of it's author, ascribed it
to numerous writer's of more or less
fame, and quite exhausted its ingenui-
ty in endeavoring to solve the riddle.
The publishers, with great shrewdnsss,
used this mystery to good advantage to
advertise the work, and the press, in-
fluenced by the popular interest in tho
authorship, used Ill the powerful
means at ito command to discover the
secret.
The eminent Mr.. Griddle, of the New
York Forum, who was popularity sup
posed to sustain intimate relations with
the publishers, asserted with unanswer-
able arguments that the author Of The
Pie Biters" was Mr.. William Howls, Of
Bcanville; while the San Francisco
Nugget with equal positiveness declared
that it plainly recognized throughout
the work the playful hand of Mr.. John
Grass, author of the famous Large
Trowsers. The lesser newspaper fry,
following the example of their noted
brethren, expended much ingenuity
and enthusiasm In bringing forward
their own particular candidates.
Seven cities commended for the honor
of the birthplace of Homer, but this
was now eclipsed; for no less than six
ty-seven cities, fourteen villages, and
three railway crossings vigorously
claimed the author of The Pie-B iters. .
PIE Biter'' hats became the rage;
the "Pie-Biter' waltz was the musical
gem of the day, and the eminent show
man, Mr.. Barnum, publicly offered
$4,000 to the author if he would reveal
his identity and consent to exhibit
himself beneath the same canvas with
the bearded lady and tho Andalusian
fat boy.
Among all the admirers of THE Pie
Biters'' there was none moro wildly
enthusiastic over its merits than Miss
Lucy Sheldon. She garnished her COM
versation with plentiful quotations from
its pages, and drew unfavorable COM
PARSONS between her friends and the
characters in tho novel. She lived in
complete atmosphere of romance,
and bridged the time intervening be-
tween the issues of the story BY re-
hearsing its previous incidents.
The burden of her rhaspsodizi
deluged the patient ears Of Mr.. Absa-
lom Perkins, her worthy guardian.
But frequently Mr.. Frederick Kane was
caught in the shower. Frederick was
the old gentleman's favorite nephew.
and therefore always welcome guest
at Perkins Villa. That is. whenever 3
lapse in his reportorial duties permit
ted his absence from the Office Of the
Morning Clarion.
He had known and admired Lucy
from her infancy, and this admiration,
nourished by his constant association
with her, grew into IN earnest devo-
ton. Whether she reciprocated this
feeling or not was q matter Of doubt in
his mind. But he bided his time.
One pleasant Saturday afternoon
Frederick ran down to the pleasant
suburb where his uncle resided. His
ancient uncle greeted him with custom
ary warmth, but Lucy, who was fever
ishly cutting with hairpin the leaves
of tho latest issue of the Centennial,
scarcely noticed his entrance.
"a fresh attack Of the old disease,
whispered the ancient Absalom, play
fully jabbing at his nephew's ribs.
$50 see,n assented Frederick. ut
may be contagious; let Us fly to the
biliiard-room while there is yet time. ?
Lucy raised her head scornfully and
glared at Frederick. ''This is news
paper wit, I suppose, she said. You
sheer at my enthusiasm over this story,
but that's because you can't appreciate
it. Yet I see that you are dying Of
envy because you can't write anything
Il only envy the author his power Of
winning your approval, " gallantly re-
sponded Frederick.
That's quite worthy of your society
column. Why do YOU waste your time
on mep Ibelieve you pretend to be :
writer. And what do You dop You
write about h0rrid horse-races, and po-
lice courts, and prize-rings. and-and
and church fairs. .
''Sharp, though slightly illogical, /"
said old Absalom as he left the room,
reckoning Frederick to follow. But
that gentleman stoutly held his ground.
'sWell," he argued, sthe duties you
mention may not be the highest form
Of art, but they will prove, I hope,
stepping-st to better things. You
will remember that even Dickens was
once . reporter
4 hope" said Lucy; feelingly, you
thing like 1.-The Pie iters? >
Certainly not, = said Frederick.
She looked at him obviously mo-
ment, as If uncertain of his meaning,
then fell to devouring the pages Of the
magazine. Frederick with an amused
smile sauntered ont and joined his
uncle in the billiard-room.
He did not see Lucy again until he
met her that evening at the dinner
table. Her checks glowed and her
eyes sparkled; she even hooked Of
Frederick with some degree Of tolera-
ton.
And how are our worthy friends.
The Pie tters' % queried Absalom
with portentious wink at Frederick.
Now, Guardy, "cried Lucy. don't
turn on me too. It's bad enough to
hear this penny-a-liner scofing, with
ont you aiding him. = =
I'm sure / haven't said anything =
expostulated Fred rick.
s.No-o-oi Bnt you look II. and that's
. great deal worse. know you think
I an : silly girl to waste 90 much time
over novel, hut % my mind Tho Pie
Bifet1 III AnsS work ever written.
IS os stxa 81 hsart; i strikes
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