The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-12-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

Eve must draw the line somewhere,
remarked the washerwoman Monday
morning, land l guess the yard is the
best place"
Yale College students smoke between
1900 and 5000 cigarettes a day. Tell
you it pays the business men of this
country to support the educational in
situations.
1t is said that the grasshopper has
proportionally 120 times the kicking
power of a man. Nature evidently did
not intend TO have grasshoppers sleep
two abed.
In anger flew her agile jaws, and
swear words darted from her tongue;
the maid was fighting mad because she
couldn't make her bangs stay bung.-
Semi Weekly Death-Rattie.
'.Hallo!' shouted one boy to another,
whom he saw running wildly down the
street Halo! are you training for a
race?' NO" called back the flying
boy. I'm racing for train"
An Englishman claims to have dis
covered an animal with four eyes. This
shows what poor whisky they have on
the island. If it had been in America
the animal would have not less than 90
eyes.
"Ch, dear yawned boy after he
had returned from church, Il don't
wonder the world is so full of wicked
ness" why sop asked his astonish-
ed mother .'Cause God picked out
such tedious day for Sunday"
"A-are y-you a-an admirer o-of
s-s-soldiers?" asked young West
Point cadet of a young miss with whom
he was waltzing. He was short of
breath and growing dizzy. III d-don't
KNOW" She replied. al n-never
s-saw any"
young lady who was too sick to
wash the supper dishes recovered suffi-
GENTLY fifteen minutes after her mother
had performed the job to play croquet
and ''sit up" with young man until
midnight. What delicate creatures
American girls are, anyhow.
A French woman took on dreadful
ly at the funeral of her husband.
why, madame" said her maid, ..you
hated him so while living do not see
why you should be so demonstrative
now that he is dead" "Why, Lizette
| don't hate him half so much now as
| did"
The Emperor of Morocco, having
subscribed for a newspaper, reads all
the advertisements first. They tried to
get him to read the editorial page first,
but he remarked that he had been
monarch too long not to know what
was interesting reading.-Louisuille
COurier-JOurnal.
Ma whispered Pinder Fitzgoober,
after the funeral of a friend. do you
know where he went?' Hush, child,'
cautioned the mother, who saw that the
question had been overheard, ''of course
l don't, and no one else does" 81 do
yelled the boy, brightly, she went to
the cemetery
Mrs. Blank-''Is your barber musi-
Clamp Mr.. Blank-''Not that l know
Of" Mrs. Blank-'.Then why does he
call himself professor if he is not
violinist or something's Mr.. Blank
around customers face in violent
manner with viol razor!' PhiladeL-
phia Call.
This reminds us of a bull seriously
perpetrated by former citizen of Tex
arkana, He approached knot of gen.
tlemen who We're his personal friends,
and said: 'Look here, BOYS, I'm
candidate for City Marshal, but don't
say anything about it, for if the thing
gets out they'll beat me. "-Terarkana
Tea. NeUs.
Visiting Briton-"Ya-as, Wosalind;
but your politicians-aw-are a lot of
wuld by set of wiotouS wascals whom
you wouldn't dweam of-aw-inviting
to your house" RoSalind-.'True, but
in England you are governed by per-
sons who wouldn't dream of inviting
you to theirs"
''When l grow up l shall marry a
rich man, or won't marry anybody!'
little girl was heard to say. but if
you don't marry anybody said her
father smiling, ''you will be sure to
live with poor man all your life" In
stantly the little maiden answered.:
.Oh, but, papa, love you, and SO you
DON seem poor?'
You may talk as much as you
please" remarked the irascible man;
''but let me tell you that l consider
your arguments as well as yourself be-
meath my notice. l don't give you so
much as thought II hope not"
was the response; 81 wouldn't have
you bankrupt yourself on my account"
-boSton Transcript.
Scere-India. Officer inspecting
ranks; sergeant ma following. Of
ficer-Private Atkins hasn't shaved
this morning, sergeant major. Ser
geant major-He is going to let his
beard grow, sir. Officer-I can't have
men coming on parade like this. ANY
man wanting to grow beard must do
1t in his own time, and not on parade
London Fun.
"Wiil you have some soup or fish,"
asked the waiter of stranger. mo, sir
Bring me some meat and pertaters and
coffy.' After he had finished his meat
and pertaters and cotfy he leaned back
in his chair and said: Now, you kin
bring in your fish and soup if you want
to. but you shouldn't go trifling with a
Kansas city man when he's hungry. -
n. Y. Mail and Express.
''For what we are about to receive
may the Lord make US truly thankful
devoutly murmured DuSenbury, sitting
with folded hands at the dinner table.
Then looking disdainfully over the dish
es set before him, he snarled: .sGood
gracious, Maria, how many times do
you want me to tell you that | don't
banker for cabbage and corned beef
more than three times in one weekr'-