The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1884-04-17
WIT AND HUMOk.

WIZ AMI nOMUs
"rapa's Home Tonight" - ,r..,
song. The o and n Of the<.9 M'ngs
the title can be omitted s;s,,
sary. CIV
Some malicious persons -
the letters M D." which arg e.o~x
after physicians' names mean ''AfsnY
Down."
Last week Boston gentleman cor.
rectly guessed the number Of bcsus IL
. bag. An effort is being made To- in
duco him to lecture. I
faro you sure you are convertddf''
said Mr.. Spurgeon to . devout hoosc-
maid. please. sir, think am. tDrI
sweeps under tho beds" Her test was
sound one.
Photographer Ito bald headed mGn):,
Excuse me, sir, but the top Of ypuIt.
head shines SO that it will take eztrs
big; SO II you don't mind, sir, rnGp
chalk it bit"
II Is said that the Mexicans are u
lazy that they don't take the trouble 10
get of the railroad track when train
Is coming. They prefer to be assistcl
BY tho cowcatcher.
'Do you buy your music by tho
shcetp" inquired young lady Of tho
Deacon's daughter. "Oh, no." sRg-feA
piled, Il always walt until Sunday anh
get It BY the choir"
To cay procession was three hours
In passing given point doesn't neces-
sarily show that 1t was very long pro-
cession, since tho given point might
have been beer saloon.
Maker of musical instruments, who
i cheerfully rubbing his hands: There,
thank goodness, the bass fiddle IL done
ut lastV After pause: ZACH Himmel,
Il l haven't gone and Loft the glue-pos
insider'
It Is believed that in the coming sum-
mer the great Snowman will give ..Sa-
cred Elephant Sunday Afternoon Exhi-
bitions." to which Sunday-schools will
be invited to adjourn ct half price,
n KConn Advertiser.
"Why il counting called Sparkinga''
asked Brooklyn young lady Of mar.
risd aunt 1T must 30 because the
real fre doesn't begin to fire until af-
ter marriage" was the reply Of one
speaking from experience.
Doctor-"Wsll, Frau Koppen. and
how have the leecbes prescribed done
for your" Patient-''Well, Herr Doc
tor. boiled them. and roasted them,
but do what would, could not swal-
low them. Der Schalk. :.
A Massachusetts, man recently put .
bullet into tho kitchen clock, supposing
that he was shooting burglar. He is
the Same man who smacked . string OF
onions hanging on the wall one dark
night surprising that he was kissing
tho hired girl.
Curran, being angry In debate one
day. put his hand on his heart, sayings
Il am the trusty guardian Of my own
honor" Then" replied Sir Boyle
Roche, Il congratulate my honorable
friend on the snug sinccure to which
he has appointed himself"
Brindbcau. the famous sporting fop,
had costume for every kind of game
that he had shot at. Ono day, invited
to the Duke Of Orleans shooting party.
the Duke drew his attention to hare.
suggesting that no should fire. II can
not, monseigneur, said Brindeau, II
am in my partridge toilet"
SHOW. darling. will you grant me
one favor before gop" Eyes, George,
/ will" she said, dropping hor eye
lashes and getting her lips in shape.
"What is the favor can grant your"
.Only little song 1t the piano, love.
/ am afraid there is dog outside watt
ing for me, and ! want to scare him
away"
Oranges should never DO eaten in
company" says an authority. We
have noticed the disadvantages Of eat
ing oranges, too. aud have come to tho
conclusion that the only way to really
enjoy an orange is to retire to some
sheltered spot in the grove. strip, seize
the orange. AMI 60 in swimming in It
IN Z. Com. advertiser.
.Yes," she said to her escort as they
glided around the rink, II do love roll
or skating. When we are sailing
Darby Green is Connecticut Yam
kee who was seven years old when the
Declaration Of Independence was sign
ed. He Is still vigorous and happy.
Mrs. D.-..Isn't this awful?" Mr..
D.-.What, dear?" Mrs. D.-.sThe
paper says that in Brooklyn Mr.. Ben
jamin r Hnbbell tried to kill his
brother-in-law, David Kemlo, by shoot
ing . pistol at him. l can't UNDER
stand why families should" Mr..
Did he succeed?" Mrs. D.
mo. Kemlo's life was saved by but
ton, which turned the bullet" Mr..
D.-"His wife evidently keeps his but
tons sewed on. Ii any one should