The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1884-12-13
Paragraph Fiend.
Sweet strains-Clear honey.
Whita lias-pillow shams.

Takes anything-A photographer
A round sum" of money! penny.
Looking up-The business of IN astron-
omer.
Capital punlshment-"H Hanging" around
a pretty girl.
DO you recollect anything that is good
for II week back:
The editor of South Chicago paper ad-
vertises for partner. He seems anxious
to take somebody in,
The great bankers biography condensed
Ale was brought up in New York, and
brought up in Canada"
Ben Buffers craft must have struck a
snag somewhere up Salt River and gone
under. There are no signs OF benjamin
anywhere. Trenton Times,
An anxious mother writes: How long
girls should he courted" We hasten 10
answer, just the same as short girls. some
OF the boys may need a step ladder
Among the wealth of flowers AZ fash
ionable wedding in New York on Tues
day, the most prominent vBriety appears to
have been the Aston, although the marry
gold flourished quite largely.
She WAS venerable maiden. She re-
marked "A fellow feeling makes us won
drous kind" The fellow was feeling
around her ancient waists. L0nts Meg
0=ine,
A southern waiter told Boston man AZ n
hotel that in Eastern Texas white man
had married negro woman. WAS he
not deridedg" asked the Bostonian. "He
WAS, sah. Dey rided him out ob town ON II
rail"
In one of John F. ST Johns campaign
speeches he said TO get drunk is folly
The experienced printer made it, ITO get
drunk is jolly" That typo had probably
net got over his recent practical investiga
ton of the subject
1t is evident that he wanted salt Scene
Hotel In Texas Native (at the dinner
tahle)-"Gimme the salt!' Dry Goods
Drummer from New York with hauteur)
Excuse me- sir, but am not the wait
err" Native-"Gimme the salt" The
drummer gives him the salt
Philadelphis CoN' Yes, my son the
railroad is monopoly, but after you have
paid Is cents freight on box which has
come several hundred miles, and then find
that cartman is going TO charge SIS for
hauling it five squares farther, you will not
talk very hard against the monopoly,
Yes, my dear daughter; | wish you
would do your best 10 captiyate the heart
OF our coachman" And e!ope with him,
papaY" YES my dear, Yoh see the pa.
pers will all say YOU are the daughter OF n
millionaire" "Nelly" "Weu. that will
enlarge my credit, See; Now run ont 10
the stable; that's good giri."-Er
Now that roller skating is I'LL the rage in
| Ottawa, 1t would be great advantage Il
understand the language OF the various NJ
titndes and positions In which parties often
have occasion 10 place themselves. FoI
example, when you get Il fall. lying on
your right side is said By high authority
10 such matters to meau--"My heart is Il,
your feet"
Living on the left side-"I have money
In bank"
Standing Gu Your nose have nonbiec
ton to mother Law"
Jumping on the ska,es-"lm afraid
can't trust You
Lying on your hark--"Assist me"
Onr leg in the air means--"Catch me
Two legs in the air means" Mashed"
Que skate in your mouth-"Crushed
again
Hitting the back of your head with your
heel am spne."
Suddenly placing your legs horizontally
on the floor like The letter ' Indicates 700"
am paralyled,"
Punching your ueighhor on the stomach
with Your left foot--"lm onto your little
gume'
A backward Flip of the heels and sudden
cohesion OF the knees 10 the floor indicates
-" May | skate the next music with YOU ~
Peoria TroHm,5W rep): Texas gave
Bcva Lockwood one vote This goes IL
show that the angels are sometimes looked
itants Of the other place.