Western sentinel. [volume] (Winston [i.e. Winston-Salem], N.C.) 1856-1886, 1884-12-11
!" SOME PUMPKINS"
PASSAGES IN COL. GREEN'S PER-
SONAL PYROTECHNICS.


His Rfcochets, Pirouettes and Inglori-
Gus Downfall--z1AnJ Illustrative dag
nosis of the Disease styled in Popu-
aar Parlance the 'tBig Head"
BY EDWARD PAYsoN HALL.
For the Sentinel.
B. III. Green must have entered life
with but one idea in his egg-shaped
and water-logged head-that it was
required of him to be sensation
that the confidence of genius, in. his
case, was to be personated and fulfilled
by conceit-that his mission en -ais.
terrestrial sphere was comet or aurora
boEeaiis shaped. coereing his fel-
low mortals into constant alteration
of him as the peer of all hereditary
-"some pumpkins" sand no mistake y
AN empyrean electric hit casting
=; the sputtering tallow-eandle majority
into the same unobserved category as
the stars in midday sunshine's dissolv-
ing glare-a somebody of the thunder
and lightning order-rather than a
mere negative being, dolefully desti-
-tute of the divine ablatus, and having
nothing of the flash and sparkle about
him. But how ?..:aye, there was the
predestined and fqreordained rub p
how was he to be shock to the nerves
and a dazzler to the eyes of the gaping,
huzzahing, stunned, admning, wildly
worshipping millions? Il ]: :!
My earliest acquaintance with this:
pumpkin prodigy was formed at the
.1og-college of our mutual and respect.
ed instructor, the Rev, Philetus Page,
under whose back-woods tuition we
both, (Col. B. III. Green, Esq, and
your humble SCRIBE sat fourishing
like young green bay twigs for sea-
son-for FIVE months session, it was
indeed-our respective ages being still
held in check by old father time and
that year of grace, to these immovable
figures the ColonePs %, mine II.
The military title prefxed and the le-
gal and complimentary tail-piece af-
fixed above to his name, like rhinoc-
eros snout ON the one side and stock
pigs fancifully curled tail on the 9TH
er, were, even tho unreal, most ex-
eeptionally significant, and meant a
deal Of sight more than these sense
less appellatory tassels. often mean
when conferred in the muster-field
and over the Governors seal of State.
They we're compulsorily conferred on
him by the unanimous decision and
Soeifereus decree of the leading spirits
sot the. school, for reasons presently TO
appear. He was thus forever dubbed
sdecisively, dexterous!y, doubly-in
less than "a hours after we first saw
him at the opening of the fall and win.
ter. term ofsoir Georgia Gamaliel's
seminary for. beysSand young men
Precisely al o'clock on the morning
of the memorable day was the hour
.o'enppsgnant with st1e fate of juvenile
pumpkins. lumpkins and pumpkins
when the;Rev. p. p, entered the doc,
of the rustic temple Of learning; and
:H'our crowd of rollicking urchini
focked ih pell-mell after him, like a
lot of piping Chinese at the coat-tails
of an English. missionary. Take
your Seats" sternly growled the
birchen-sceptred king. Instantaneous
ly, upon one or another of the rickety
benches was meekly disposed, in un
natural and. tentative quietude, the
restless carcase of every scholar ex
.scept one-a tall, gaunt, gander-leggee
gentleman, Of freckled, sallow com
plexien, sandy-hsired, pig-eyed. hook
nosed, turkey cock-sfred and peacock
splumsd, habited in blue broadclotf
.swaliow-tail bristling in front will
doubie-rows of gaudT brass buttons
well-ironed and snowy immaculat,
linen breast-plate stiffiy starched t.
washer-woman's pink of perfection ant
this guarded and riveted by extra
sized green glass studs and galvanized
bosom-pin of FURNISHED counterfeit
diamond.hue, short-shanked and glar
ingly.stripeds +" Yankee" pants fitting
tightly to -calfiess-- efane-evolved ex
.fremities and buttcned strainingly AM
securely down to the bottoms of fresh
1y-polished and lance, toed high-hee
: Boots, big-bowed foWered cravat, ca
noe-nodelleI standing collar, sleel
,stoye-pipe SILK bat surmounting top
peaked and side-puffed- Uranium ant
elongated neck together exactly con
fgurating. a pumpkin squash larg
end up and little end down, and two
inch wide fancy watch-chain witt
heavy seal attached dangling from hi
aist-pocketaalmost to. his knees Thi
stunning. figure, moving in the by
brid affected locomotion of marc
constantly tripped up by strut, mad
its magnificent progress toward an
then eondescendingly halted befor
the spedagogue's desk. Waving tn
shallow eeremoniousness crippling OF
dinary minds ON similar state occa
sions, he Importantly and independ
emily introduced himself to the maste
protentate and his covering subject
In peculiar veice, (bass -rot,ndo i'm
possible of fselfsustentation and break
ingaH up into fine little bits Of squeak
ing fuLsetto, Which, had they heard i
might have excited the Unsuitable en-
wy of Webster Of Marshfeld and Ran
dolph of Roanoke both at once:
"OI avn Mr.. Bickerstawf Headle
stsGreeiI, STRIP =
Are you; indeed ~ responded tn
Rev Philetus, with assumed compc
sure and gcomicalIy ewildered facia
expression. Please be seated, and yo
shall be duly attended to when yuu
turn for examination arrives"
A suppressed litter, (which was sbu
the flicker and flash and ashes an
cinders of what Would have been
deafehing Volcanic explosion Of laugh
80 y.RSI 81 ~