The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-04
WIT AND HUMOR.


This is sign of hard times.
A Burlington mother has miraculous
ly cured her youngest hopeful of smok-
ing by the laying on OF hands.
Austin, New, has passed a curfew
law, prohibiting boys under sixteen APP
pearing on the streets after 5 o'clock.
"Whcn in society never talk of your
self, is the injunction OF an authority
on etiquette People in society never
do-they run down other people.
Georgia furniture manufacturers pre-
diet big movement of Western furni-
ture men and wood-workers into the
South.
An Indiana jail bird recently scraped
off the back of mirror and swallowed
it. 1t was a very cold day for him
when the mercury went down.
When horse railroad car-driver lost
his situation the other day, his little
brother said: "There is no one to car
fare mother now"
Cincinnati clamors for society for
the suppression of music. Insatiate
mortals! does not one suffice Have
they not the college still9
We may expect to hear our Fourth of
July orators shout. next summer: Let
the hog squeal." instead of Let the
eagle scream!'--NOrriStown Herald.
Said the man who had travelled, 81
didn't mind having the delirium ire
mems. | saw snakes and alligators
and things, but it merely seemed as
though was in Florida.
After wrestling with the subject for a
long while, a New York writer con-
cludes that there is only one thing that
can effectually remove the odor of fried
onions--time.
Young farmer: "Are you fond of
beasts, Miss Gusherton?n Miss Gush-
srton: "Oh, really, Mr.. Pawker, if
you mean that as declaration, you
must speak to mamma. >
The Indianapolis Journal says that
the average citizen wants a lock with
four key-holes. Unless the average
citizen has improved Of late one key
hole is usually about all he can find
New York Graphic.
Where is the girl of long ago."
sings Joaquin Miller. We saw her the
other day, Joaq. But she isn't girl
any more. She had gray hair and q
wart on her nose, and no teeth and
wore specs.-Salem Sunbeam.
Count Harnancorn, of Vienna, now
q social lion in New York; Zach, it's
too pad! | can neefer marry but one
American girl, und loafs all of dem"
Like Artemus Wards monkey, he is
described as an "amoosin' little cuss."
Thompson is not going to do any
thing more in conundrums. He re-
Gently asked his wife the difference
between his head and hogshead, and
she said there was none He says that
is not the right answer.
A visionary fnancier who had
thousand ways to make fortune, and
not a single one to make living, is
described by friend as "a man so
Sanguine that the mere getting hold of
a shoe-string makes him think that he
is already the owner OF q tannery."
what will you think of your beauti-
ful wife twenty or thirty years from
now?-that is the question" according
to Monsignor Capel. That is not a
hard question, Mons gnor Capel. Most
likely we will think she is much
better cook than she was at first.
A man always finds out when there
is hole in the bottom Of his stocking.
He makes the discovery when he takes
his boots off at night and puts his foot
down on the hot rec S or to warm. He
rare'y forge to speak right out about
it.
The lectures Of Joseph Cook suggest
a story to the San Francisco Buiicttl:
SANDY, what is the state of reli zion in
,vour town. Bad, sir, very bad
There are no Christians except Davis
and myself, and | have many doubts
about Davis"
81 preserve my equilibrium under all
in pause of the music to the tow.
headed youth who was her escort
DO youP' he answered softly, moth
er cans hers" Then the music re-
sumed.
"a rowing newspaper man has made
Ihe discovery that all the women in the
Isle OF Jersey are pretty, many Of then
Prettier than Mrs. Langtry, and he will
build summer resort hotel with ,
frontage OF 1000 feet, and a niazzo
with double deck. '''"'
Customer-"Are all SMYRNA rnc,
alikeP' Storekeeper 49, "No, indeed
there is great, very great, diflerenc
in Smyrna rugs" Customer-"Who
is tho principal point of diifcrencep
Storekeeper--"Well, some SMYRNA rue
are Smyrna rugs, but most Smyrrr
rugs are not Smyrna rugs. -Ptilads'pli
Cal.
How is this? In Boston they pr
nounce ii "NeD.fnlnd," accent on Il
Moot; in Michigan it is called "Ne,
found-land," with great stress on ii
found. and the natives of the islar
say "New-fun-laHd;' coming out stror
on the ''land." We don't know ho
the dog calls 1t himself. i mlingtc
Ha,ckeye.