Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1878-1884, 1884-03-07

thing.
NEW YORK averaged but five suicides day
last week. During the week of Matthew Ar
nod's lecture there were-but comparisons are
odious."
Mn BEEcHER says the angels hold their noses
when they look down on Wall street man.
They probably hold their noses with one hano
and their pockets with the other.
IT is said that George Washington's spirit was
seen lowering about the congressional chambers
during night session a short time since. 1t
wore frown of pain on its face.
FASHION now says that gentlemen must wear
gloves upon all occasions, even when revelling
in the innocent delight IF trying to knock the
other gentleman out in prize fight.
BOTTLE capable Of holding two hogsheads
has lust been manufactured in Chicago, bu it is
looked upon with disgust by Chicago people.
Not one Of them can carry it in his back aft
pocket.
DENNIS KEARNEY is now washing dishes in q
California hotel. These who knew him as a
political orator and thought that he would never
AGAIN rise out of the mire will now see their
error.
TeERE are so many counterfeit silver dollars
in circulation now that after church services the
deacons who circulate the plates are Kept busy
for two or three hours separating the wheat from
the tares.
ST.. LOUIS congressman eats oysters with
knife, but he never makes mummy face nor
hats his ewes over drink of St. Louis whiskey,
and ms constituency lovingly overlook his
shortcomings.
Sr. PAUL DISPATCH: Labouchere calls Mary
Anderson polished icicle. This ought to- sug :
gest to Kit Adams of the Bismarck Tribune that
, Eli Wheeler is "burnished streak Of light
ming"
VENNoR says he will keep right along with his
predictions until he scoots into eternity. He
NAV continue them then, but it will be terribly
monotonous to be obliged to turn out the cry Of
"extreme heat" every day.
CARPENTER work is being taught to the female
pupils of the Salem, Mass, high school. We
may now expect banister to be invented down
which young and vivacious sweet girl graduate
can slide with more ease and comfort.
A FEW days since Billings man took drink
of water and died instantly. The coroners jury
came near making q case of suicide of it, but
better Judgment prevailed and they rendered a
verdict of Visitation from providence"
PATTI says she couldn't help it, when Gov.
Crittenden kissed her. He is bold. bad Mis-
sourian, and 10 doubt pulled revolver on her
and made her hold up her hands before slipping
the imported "Bloom of Youth" from her lips.
1T is announced that Minister Hunt lost two
wives by death, was divorced from a third, and
left a fourth when death nipped him in the bud.
There is no telling what a brilliant record he
might have left had he been given a little more
time.
POET sings:
'Her lips were 80 near,
That what else could do
Her IDS were 80 ueSI, oeo', eGC'
Confound it, man, you could run like sixty.
The law will not regard it as self defense if you
had any possible chance to get away from her.
HENRY WArTERsoN is still pushing his news
copyriRhting scheme, and now will not some
philanthropist of the press rise up with meas
ure oopyrighting humorous paragraphs This
vould knock the Courier Journals humorous
department about seventeen miles back into
obscurlty.
Twas winter and gay Jack Frost had flung
His sparkling jewels on the fields of snow
While over the way his ici,les hung
From the edge of the roof, in an even row.
My little girl looked across the way.
At the frozen fringe that was hanging there;
And then in soft tones heard her say:
II wonder who banged that houses hail? ?"
Bessie Chandlerin the st. Nicholas for March.
MARCH now, oh, worst of all the year,
Thou month of melting ice and slush
We stand beside thy gloomy bier
And not one pang our hearts will hush,
Nor will one sympathetic tear
Be shed for thee. Thy wild career
Has been too cruel; for the clear,
Bright sky has writhed in pain,
victim to thy frenzied fog,
Thy spiteful snow and raging rain,
Get up and git, thou vicious dog.
New York Morning Journal.
"A NEWSPAPER article once said: IAN empty
carriage halted at the hotel entrance, and Sara
Barnhardt got out Of it, " and now another par
.orapher is asserting that '.An empty coach
halted at the treasury department; and Alexan-
der Stephens got out of it. /" Which of these
can be accepted as being correct? There will
.omeday be muddle in history. if these little
matters are not correctly filed as they pass
% BY.