Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-11-07
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.


Allu KICK MS nttlS III lNSnlOn ; clover.
\ lhughable feature Of the campaign
the nose on an old campaigner.
The editor of the London PUuch is com
ing to this country to lecture If his lee
lures are as stupid as his jokes he won't
carry home many American dollars
First young man. "You would be well
hcelcd my boy if you could marry her
Her father is rich" Second young man:
"Not much give it up. I've been too
well toed by her father already"
It is asserted that Il hornets nest bound
about the neck is the best thing for sore
throat. We should think it might divert
the nerves of the sufferer somewhat.
"What are you doing, John? ?" asked
Mrs. I}ascom of her husband, who was
pounding away at the wall with great
vigor. me? I'm mailing lie" "Why,
what do you mean :" "I'm lacking up
Wigginss weather predictions for Novem-
bcr'
Conversation between two ladies "Why
didn't you 90 to the party last night p
81 hadn't anything to wear" "Ncthcr
did half the young married ladies. 1t was
perfectly shocking"
The Sultan Of Morocco has just cclcbrat
ed his thousandth wedding. Think of that,
younL man, when it seems to you that
you never can 90 through the ordeal of
even one.
Papa, what do men mean when they
speak of painting the town red ? What
do they paint it with, pa "Tut, tut =
their noses, my SON
Mrs Bclva Lockwood has been unusually
quiet for few days. We presume she il
trying ON and re-arranging her November
bonnet.
There is young English woman in
Manitoba who is the terror of the whole
male sex of that region. She came over
only Il few months ago, landed perfect
stranger, and since then she has not only
succeeded in getting Il husband for her
self. but mates for III of her unmarried
CUuntryWOmen also.
Dudes who fain would bang their hair,
but are compelled to wata revolution i'll
popular taste, are mOurntully singing,
Ills sad that our parting must be
All in good running order-the candi-
dates.
There are in England 81 female black
smiths. Women are forging to the front.
An artistic New Hampshire man, who
knocked down II lightning rod agent with
his fist, informed his family that he had
been ''hammering brass
\ Georgia lawyer only practises every
, other year The off years he is obliged tC
= spend in lodging the sheriff himself.
q \ Vermont man ate six restaurant pie,
in two days. His physician is treating hin
+ for pizen.
, Lolita, it il said. has scores Of rivals. lIcl
} kick. however, will never he equalcd un
, til some mule is endowed with brains.
\ bank cashcrand gun are alike il
p one respect, at least. There is always dan
gcro of their going off prematurcly.
, Philadelphia ladies have agreed to at
: tend the opera without bonnets. This viii
= be Il crushing blow to the millinery trade
e The average money-making citizen i
y not much of Il dude but he frequent.
bangs his heir.
+, Lila Cushman sings, For every wounc
. there is IA balm" We should just like It
: know the correct balm for silver unde
: the thumb nail.
|
+ why we don't have IA Poets Corner.
/ My son, we can't do it, The coal close
is stocked up for the winter, and tn
r printers devil sleeps under the files. |
e there is stray nook anywhere in tn
k building it is sure to be occupied by
J. large mucilage Jug and a drunk tram
printer. We are sorry that we haven't an
corner for the poets, but in this rs in ever
other instance, we are obliged to knuckl
T.; under to our limitations,
p. French doctors report that what is call
o ed cholera in certain sections of France
II simply drunkenness. If that is so, we ar
:. Obliged to confess that the cholera ha
- struck this country bad.
e Political lettings: "Went out last ever
n inc. Met the boys Had II big tim,
Y Drank some torch oil by mistake, Sic
Y all night" "Rally yesterday. hi
e time Big enthusiasm. Big head T
- bed at very early hour-in the morn
p ing "liard luck. Wife sicl
l. Got to stay in tonight. Boys will miss IN
e torch. Q.ater) Wife asleep. Stepped OF
for few minutes Got in with the GROVE
ii and not home till 2:3O H. IN. Wife frantic
T. Boy gone for doctor, Sick myself. Tric
to boil some water in my boot. DOcto
u and boy put me to bed. "All {
=" X Election next week. Sold my vot
four times this morning
II 1t will soon be piping times for Il
Il plumbers,
is It's mistake to say that il lady nev,
Is ran before. Belva herself has undouhtc
IF ly run from mouse.
O. November & is Thanksgiving Day
Canada. Look out for your turkeys
~ along the line.
" Loose fitting gloves, wrinkled all ov
Ii the hand are the fashion this seaso
t,r Nearly every man is candidate for som
II, thing, and gloves have to be made so tn
Iv they can be pulled off in jiiy, to shal
as hands with the humble voter.
A Madison county, Ga, negro is said
be the sire of fifty-siN children. We shou
.i,,b c,nsiInrullN OIITSplt under the e.