Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-10-20

Its musical chimes in no bards or rhymes
Have been made to the memory dear;
Nor e'er did muse tell
Ofthis wonderful bell
Whose paeans are heard far and near
Like lark in the morn lis clear tones borne
From the door to the fourth or fifth floor,
And its musical tune is again heard a noon
'Tis the old dinner bell, nothing more.
-a<=-az-zz.zzalzz-.-A--
waist of time-An old maids.
A trade scenter-The drummer
An electric spark-Courting by teie-
graph.
The heaviest suspension yet-Brooklyn
bridge.
A thermometer gains notoriety by de-
grees.
A collectors business is no sooner said
than dun.
The shoes used on hens cannot be worn
by children.
When betrothed lovers sing, it is mu-
sic by the banned.
To Inquirer: No, pig-iron is not good
to make pens of.
A Justices pantaloons can hardly be
called breaches of the peace.
Ruth was a good girl, and she had as
fine Boaz could be found in those days.
It's easy to be contented with your lot
| if it's only corner lot or even lot of
| money.
A lively female gossip, who has but
| one arm, is known as ''the shorthand re-
porter
When the father is blockhead it is
more than likely that the son will be e
chip of the same block.
A correspondent wishes to know il
Henry Ward Beecher has denomination
Certainly $25, 900 year.
The equal rights party are determined,
If they cannot have the White House, to
insist upon keeping theiI Belva dear
A Georgia man has lived with three
wives inside Of fifteen months 1t is not
expected that he will live much longer.
Kingston girl jumped twelve feet il
her sleep, recently. She probably dream
ed that some one was proposing to her.
''Hello, Bob my boy! who have yor
been fighting now?" 81 amt been fight
in. father. tried my first shave to-day
What is dude? asks an exchange
Whenever you see fifty cent head will
a five dollar hat on, grab it! You have ;
dude.
mans love for his daughter shoult
not be measured by the foot with whicl
he lifts an unwelcome suitor out of th
house
If men knew as much at forty years o
age as they thonght they knew at twenty
there would be more statesmen in tn
country.
81 shall give you ten days or ten shil
lings," said the English magistrate. 'sAl
right" said the prisoner. ''I'll take th
ten Shlll1ngS."
A northern Texas editor complains
that the number of marriages is ridicu
lously small when compared with tn
time squandered in buggy-riding.
81 was under the influence when
married her," pleaded the defendant t,
the court. ''Most men are who MARI
pretty wives, returned the judge. 'sBeau
ty is always Intoxicating
A robust countryman meeting a phys
ician, ran to hide behind a door; bein.
asked the cause he replied: ''It is so Ion,
since have been sick that 1 am ashame
to look physician in the face
''Do you ever gambler she asked, a
they sat together, her hand in his H
replied: "No; but if 1 wanted to, no,
would be my time sHow sop sh
asked. Because I hold Il beautifr
hand.' The engagement soon followed.
A Bridgeport woman who cut her dres
froma New York Herald war map, thint
| ing IL was IL DILLerI
discovered her error before she finisbe
the robe, but she went ahead and sewe
the pieces together, and now has a Graz
quilt of 1000 pieces which is the envy {
| all her female friends.
skeptic who was trying to confuse
Christian colored man by the apparer
contradictory passages in the bible, ash
ing how it could be that we were i'm tb
Spirit and the Spirit in Us, received til
: reply: ssOh, dar's no puzzle about da
] It's like dat poker. puts it in de fir.
9 till it gets red hot. Now de poker's in d
, fire and de fires in de poker
Deacon Gilpin was out at social gail
ering the other evening where he was S
unfortunate as to become seated benin
party of vivacious young ladies. Con
versation turned upon athletic subject.
when one pert young miss inquired
deacon, what is your favorite exercise.
"Oh, have no preference; but Just :
present / should prefer dumb bellies,