Seattle daily post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, W.T. [Wash.]) 1881-1888, 1884-03-25

turned upon uOiSco. luhiiy IA. AWoiA
laid down bis Cigar and asked Perkins
and Nasty if they had ever heard OF a
fast horse he Mark used to own in
Nevada.
II think not" said Nasty.
swell, gentlemen" continued Twain.
~ he blew a smoke ring and watched
il, that WAS fast horse. He was a
very fast horse But he was SO tough
bitted that couldn't guide him with a
bit at all"
How did You guide himY'' asked Eli.
Well, Qentlemen, / bad to 9uide him
with electricity. / had to have wire
lines, and had to keep battery in the
wagon all tho time in order to stop
him."
"Why didn't you stop him by boiler
ing whOaY" asked Eli.
"Stop him by hollerinR whoa" ex-
claimed Mr.. Twain. "Whv, couldn't
boiler loud enough to make that horse
hear me. He travelled 30 fast that no
sound ever reached him from behind.
He went faster than the sound, Sir.
Holler whoa, and he'd be in the next
town before the sound of your voice
could reach the dashboard. Travel
fastT / should say he could. Why.
once started from Virginia City fol
Meadow Creek right in front OF one OF
the most dreadful ralnstorns We ever
had on tho Pacific coast. The wind
blew eighty miles An hour and the rain
fell in sheets. drove right before that
storm for three hours -jast On the edge
Of that hurricane aud rain for forty
miles"
Didn't you get drenched!"
"Drenohsd? No, sir. Why, tell
You, l drove right in front Of that rain
storm. I could lean forward and lei
the sun shine on me, or lean backward
and feel rain and catch hailstones
When the hurricane Stacked up the
horse Stacked up, too, and when II
blew faster l just said 'g-lke to the
horse and touched the battery, and
ava, we went. Now, | don't want t.
lie about my horse. Mr.. Perkins. and
don't ask you to believe what ! say, bu
| tell you truthfully that when got Il
Meadow Creek my duster WAS dry NJ
powder. Not drop Of rain on the
wagon seat, either. white the wagon DO,
was level full Of hailstones and water
or Pm n -"
Look here, gentlemen, interrupted
Mr.. Nasty. speaking Of the truth. die
yol ever hear about 10y striking thai
man in ToledoI"
Mark Twain said he had never heard
about IL.
"Well, sir, il was this way. There Wa
a man there - enc of those worldly
skeptioal fellows, who questioned my
veracity one day. lie said he hac
doubts about the trnthfulness Of one OF
my crossroads incidents. He didn',
say il publicly. but privately. I'm nov
sorry, for tho SAKE Of his wife and fam
lily, that he said it at all; and sorry
for the man, too. because he wasn't pre-
pared to go. II he'd been Christian
Il would have been different. SAY
didn't want to strike this man, because
it's q bad habit to get into--this making
human chaos out Of fellow man
Bot he questioned my veracity, and the
earthquake came. fstruck him once
Just once. | remember he was puttinl
q carpet down at the time and had hi:
mouth full of csrpet-taoks. But man
can't stop to discount carpet tacks in d
mans mouth when he questions your
veracity, can hs2 never do. / simply
struck the blow"
"Did II hurt the man muchr' askes
Eli.
al don't think 4 did. Il was too sud
den. The bystanders said II was go
ing to strike second blow they wanted
to move out Of the State. Nov, ! dom
want You to believe me, and / dom
expect you will. but, to tell YOU the
honest truth. Mr.. Perkins, l squasheG
that man right down into doormat
and his own wife. who was tackinl
down one edge of the carpet ~ the time
came right along and took him for Z
eutta percha rug, and actually tackec
him down in front Of the door. Poo
woman, she never knew she was tackins
down her own husband! What became
Of the tacks in his mouth? yen ask
Well, the next day the boys pulled then
ont Of the bottoms Of his ovsrshoes
and"
Gentlemenc' interrupted Eli, II,
does me good to hear such truths.
believe every word you say, and fee
that ought to exchange truths with yoa
Now. did You ever hear how went 4
prayer meeting at New London, Connec
sicut, in rainstorm?'
They said they had not.
Well. gentlemen, said Iii, ont
day started for New London prayer
meeting on horseback. When l go
about half way there there came fear
full storm. The wind blew a hurricane
the rain fell in torrents. the liRhtnin,
cleaned through the sky, and | ven
and crouched down behind larg,
barn. But pretty soon the liehtnin,
struck the barn, Knocked II into ,
thousand splinters. and sent my hors'
whirlin0 over into a Aeishbsring Corr
patoh."
"Did II kill you. Mr.. Perkinsg" asket
Mr.. Twain. the tears rolling down hi
cheeks.
mo, il didn't kill me-" replied Per
kins, but ] was good deal discour
aged"
swell, what did you do, Mr.. Per
kins?"
what did l dog Well, gentlemen
TO tell the honest Connecticut truth,
went right cut into the pasture, tool
my coat of. bumped up my bare back
and took eleven clips Of lightning righ
on my bare backbone, drew the electri
city all out Of the sky, and then go,
on 10 my horse and rode into New Lon
don in time to attend the evening
prayer meeting.