Morning journal and courier., 1884-04-29
SEVERE CASES.

A young husband in this city is suffering
from a severe case of tumor It's two more
-twins.-Pittsbnrg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Marshal McMahon, who keeps his CAR
riage, is fond of walking. Lots of other men
who keep walking are fond of carriage.
oil City Blizzard.
General Logan can't carry his own ward. "
says the Boston Globe. Well, what of it?
If she is pretty and plump can't he hold her
ON his lap Huntington Free Press.
The seventeen-year locusts may be recog-
nized by the fact that they come regularly
every year. Other kinds are different. They
skip a year now and then Philadelphia
Call.
A poet sends a contribution entitled 'Why
Do Liver" This is easy to answer. 1t is
because he sends his contributions to this
office instead of bringing them in person
Evansville Argus.
1t in thought that Cain was q base ball UNI
pire. Remember his words, 81 shall be q
fugitive and vagabond in the earth; and it
shall come to pass that every one that fndeth
me shall slay me."-Boston Transcript
A maA at the restaurant the other day ask
ed one of the girls, as she was taking the pie
order, q question. AS she did not reply, he
exclaimed, angriIy, ''Why don't you answer
me2'' ''Oh," she replied, eve never speak as
we pass pie. oil City Derrick.
An exchange has an article on "Ho~ to
Treat an Old Man" We had always sup
posed it was the correct thing to treat kim
the same way you would any other man,
though, considering his age, it might be
proper to ask him up twice.-On City Biz
zard.
The Chicago News learns that Mary An
derson, the American actress, has rejected
the matrimonial offer of Westminster Abbey,
brother of Henry E. Abbey, the theatrical
IaSa lakOw ~
that Westminster Abbey is falling into ruins
and will require $500, 600 for repairs. Next
to whiskey, there is nothing like disappoint-
ment in love to make . rain of a man.-Nor-
risteWn Herald.
Inquiring child-stPa, what is the differ
ence between sitting up and sitting DOWN"
Pa, with perfect confidence in his ability to
explain-''Why. my child, when somebody
10 standing up and he seats himself he sits
down, and when he doesn't go to bed and
sits down he sits up." IDquiring child
"But, pa, If he sits, how can he sit without
sitting down? and if he sits down. how can
hs sit up?'' Pa, with dawning doubt of his
ability to make quite clear-''You see, nay
child, if he sits down, why he-I mean
If he sits up-go to your ma and don't ask
me questions when I'm busy. boston Gs-
zette.
While the University Glee club was absent
upon its northern concert tour, and just be-
fore ONE of its entertainments was to be Civ
en-. a telegram was handed to the leader which
read simply, .'Salve"-with the sender's
name. The leader scratched his head and
pondered. Then he handed the telegram
around among the boys, and they all read it
and pondsrsd "Salve,' said the leader, re-
fecsiysIy, sswhat sort of salve do you sup
pose he wants. boys ?" Probably some Ca
madam make, that they can't get in Burling-
ton. /" suggested one of the first basses. The
concert began, but all through the volume of
harmony, from the beginning of tbs pro-
eramma to the end, trailed that single dis
cordant, perplsxing note-"Salvel" When
ths last encore had died away and the
songsters were at liberty to fit whithersoever
they pleased. with one accord they hied them
to the telegraph Office and the leader sent
the following qaery whistiing over the wires
through darkness and space: 'What sort of
salve2 What do you mean?' Then they wait
ed; and toward midnight tbs following reply
was received: ''Salve! Save vel Haili'' .Oh!"
said the leader, with long drawn information
of relief-"That's what he meant, was it2"
"Ohl" echoed tho club-s'that's it, Is it?r
Anyway" remarked the leader, as he folded
up the telegram. .tI'm glad nobody is sick. -
Burlington Free Press.