The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-01-17
A HUNTING EXCURSION.
Spoopendyke Asks His Wife to Pack
His Valise.

dyke, gently, ''can't you pack a valise
for me. Specklewottle and / are going
duckhunting, now that the other fellows
are all home"
''Oh myr' squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, dropping her crazy quilt in all
directions. Promise me you won't
take gun"
What's the matter with the wo-
manp" inquired Mr.. Spoopendyke, los
ing his cheerfulness and cycling his
wife critically. "a gun! what dye
spose we'd do with guns. No, we take
salt. Mrs. Spoopendyke; salt, say, and
we climb trees and lay it on their tails.
We're after the breed of ducks that
roost in tree tops like dod gasted owl.
Understand"
''Oh!" murmured his wife, resuming
her effort of working forget me nots
with green silk. THAT is much nicer,
and then they won't be full of little bull
lets like those you bought last week.
But be careful if it SHOWS and come
home. The paper says"
'.Dod gast what the paper says"
snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. with
your knowledge of the weather and the
science of gunnery you only need a
little less intellect and little more
pocket money to be whole signal Ser
vice. But-see here, did your paper
say anything about g gifted female get
ting her husbands valise packed by
the next Presidential election?"
Certainly DEAR" responded Mrs.
Spoopendyke, Juggling at the huge bag
her husband brought in, and finally
placing it on the table. '.Now what
will you take?'
'Take!" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke-
''take" he repeated as the enormity of
his wife's obstinacy and ignorance be-
gan to dawn upon him. "Just put me
up swallow-tailed coat and Revised
Edition, chuck in linen duster and
prayer book; remember prayer book
and not a measly old hymn book.
These ducks we're after are all of the
English church and won't stand any
fooling on the articles of faith"
That's right, he yelled, as his obedi-
ent wife jammed down the dress coat;
''that's the kind of wife. Don't sup
pose those ducks'ii be any more i'm
pressed by my appearance in a hunting
boat. Don't imagine for an instant
that those birds will know the difference
between Spoopendyke with frozen ears
and straw hat and all those traps I've
wasted wealth on to protect my health. !"
''And you'll need your new slip
pers," continued Mrs. Spoopendyke,
meditatively, her finger on her lips,
'.your new tie with polka dots
you've hit it nowr' yelled MIR.
Spoopendyke, springing up like ball.
You've got it. I'm going out to a
swell entertainment. These ducks are
going to give New England dinner,
and Henry Ward Beecher and l are
going to make speeches on the advance
ment of duck and the evolution of fowl.
Say, Mrs. Spoopendyke," continued
her husband, dropping into ferocious
calm, --dO you think those DUCKS are
giving a german out in the swamps or
indulging in Italian opera in the marsh
es of Long Island? Well, they're not;
and they're not giving measly socia-
BILE, either. Consequently, Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, I'll be forced to ask you
to pack that receptacle as l shall
dictate" and Mr.. Spoopendyke flung
himself in chair and glared, while
his wife proceeded to pack under his
instructions.
"Where are you going to put thatp"
he demanded, as his wife carefully
folded his shooting coat.
''Why here in the bottom, because"
''No you don't" interrupted Mr..
Spoopendyke. 81 want that on top
where it will be handy and-what are
you doing with that?" he CALCULATED,
as Mrs. Spoopendyke picked up a box
of cigars.
"Why, dear, I'll put these at the
bottom and the lighter articles"
"Not if Spoopendyke is in full pos
session of his faculties. 1 want that
and my bottle of brandy on top in case
of accident. Think I'm going to fish
forty days and forty nights as did the
prophets of old, for those necessities
of life? Think I'm going to perch all
night in tree like dod gasted wood
chuck just because you won't put my
clothes where / can find them
''But, my DEAR" pleaded Mrs. Spoop-
|endyke, ''they can't all go on top"
Cant ehr' bawled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, leaping from his chair. "Can't
have my own duds where they'll pro-
'tect me from the wintry blastsP" and
be commenced playing football. with
his wife's quilt.
Bring me the measly idiot that said
IA man was king in his own castle,
and he made a new departure in spat-
ter work as Mrs. Spoopendyke's ink
stand struck thawall. ''Show me the
relic of the stone age that claimed wo-
man was born to comfort and command,
and last in the procession trot out the
dod gasted fool that first trusted wo-
man to pack valise,' and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke's apparel described circles like
ia iuggler's balls as he plunged into bed
|and buried his head in the pillow.
II don't care" muttered Mrs. Spoop-
'endyke, trying on her new jersey, '.he's
o great deal better off at home, and
that big bag will be nice when l go to
visit mother"