Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1884-01-03
PLEASANTRIES,


CANDID sportsman "Boy, you've
been at this whisky" Boy who had
brought the luncheon basket-"Nal
The cooark wadna come oot!''-London
Punch.
1T was young lady who brought her
tlmld suitor to her feet in one of our
Bay state villages by working the
motto, 81 need thee every hour and
sending it to her lover as a birthday
present. The result was wedding fee
for her pastor.
/" FATHER" said bright lad, "I
think I'll become minister when I grow
up" "What puts that idea in your
head, my boy?" asked the astonished
parent. Because, dad, I notice that
ma always kills chicken whenever the
minister eats here"
"UNCLE JOHN" said little Emily.
I" do you know that baby that was fed
on elephants milk gained twenty pounds
in one week" "Nonsense! Impossi-
ble!" exclaimed Uncle John; and then
he asked: "Whose baby was it ?"
"The elephants, said the little girl.
AN attorney-at-law who wished to
show his smartness by quizzing an old
farmer, began by asking him if there
were any girls in his neighborhood.
Yes" said the old man, I" there's
dreadful sight Of 'em-so many that
there amt half enough respectable hus-
bands for 'em, and 60 some OF em are
beginning to take up with lawyers"
The attorney didn't follow up the SUBJ
Ject.
"I DECLARE" exclaimed Fogg at the
end of dreary wait at the theater, 81
didn't think it was SO long as that How
time flies, doesn't it?" "What the
dickens are you talking about?" ex.
claimed his mystified companion.
why" says Fogg, "the bill says
Between he first e and secopd acts epsf ba
never would have believed it. It didn't
seem nearly 80 long as that. ."-Boston
Transcript.
A GENTLEMAN apparently attempting
the feat of escorting lamp post was ar
rested by an officer and taken to the sta.
ton house. Upon recovering his So
briefly he explained to the sergeant that
he thought he was leaning against his
wife, and that she was leading him
home. "Do you mean to say that you
couldn't tell the difei ence between your
wife and lamp post?" eyes" said
the prisoner, meekly, "my wife is
Boston woman"
CLUB man to other club man: "What
is all this celebrating that is going on
about Luther. you know?' Other club
man: "Why, he lived four hundred
years ago aud reformed, or some-
thing of that kind, you know"
First club man: "But what about his
diet of worms ~ Other club man:
T" Doctors prescribed it, suppose
First club man, convinced: "Oh"
Other club man, encouraged: "Of
course! e!'-BostOn Gazette.
DUMBFoUNDID: "Now," said the
irate mother to her family of one boy
and four girls, who had been nisbehav-
ing themselves, / am going to whip
you ALL" and she seized on Jimmie to
receive the first ipstallment of the chas-
tisement. Mother" said Jimmie,
"ladies first, always. The old lady
was 60 struck with this application of
her own instruction that she did not
otAAhV oby vi IhS Clli1dISu, ,UuJ lCJ lueu
off that time.-Oa City Derrick.
HE was serenadiDg his girl, but had
not reached the end of the first line of
his selection, "Let Me Like a Soldier
Fall, when window was raised, the
cleaning barrel of musket and an old
bald head were poked out, and husky
voice exclaimed, "All hight, yourg man;
everybody in this house is perfectly rec
onciled, so here goes But he didn't
shoot, for the young man had left, sud-
denly remembering that he didn't have
his fall clothes on.- Cincinnati Satur-
dag Naght.
ETHEL-" Look - look, Dorothy
There's Richard Marvel !" Dorothy
Country cousin)- Richard Marvel?
Who is he?" Ethel-"What, never
heard of Richard Marvel Why, he s
the actor, you know, at the Parthenon!"
Dorothy" Oh, an actor, is he He's
something like MIR, Osbaldistone Smith,"
Ethel - Who's Mr.. Osbaldistone
Smith q Dorothy =" What! never
heard Of Mr.. Oballistope Smith? Why,
he's the greatest breeder of shorthorns
in all Cumberland! London Punch.
:. "LooK here, my man." said one of
the party addressed, "who can help
laughing at your Improbable story =?
What do you tell such a mess of lies
for = why don't you tell the truth ?"
My friend" replied the sharp, "my
friend, l tell that story to make you
laugh; j tell that tale," and The chap
closed one eye, ''for the purpose of rails
ing smile. The hint was not un-
needed, and the man adjourned to the
next liquor shop to try the same game.
He must have been successful, for po.
liceman was seen afterward carving the
dry humorist to the lock. up. .-Boston
Courier. M
"MR. BEAVER" said a down town
merchant to his halter, the other day,
that Derby you sent up to the house
was two sizes too large for me. My
number is ~" Exactly" said the
tile-seller, "but understood you to
say you wanted hat to wear in the
morning" So I did; what OF it2"
" Why, you are member of the Pacific
Club, ain't you ?" Certainly" "Jnst
so. All the dress hats we Rell your men,
bers are the proper size, but, You see, in
the morning - weli-ahem = they all
want little larger lat for morning
wear; dou't you see ?' The customer
saw.-San Francisco Pest. a,,s.
A LOVE story: Miss Rosalie Roseleai,
who is beautiful and sentimental. was
sitting one sun mer evening with Hollis
Holworthy on the verauda. The moon
was shining brilliantly. Silence had
reigned for some moments, when Ross-
lie, who, as the books cay, was not
thousand miles away from Hollis pur-
pie cravat, looked up suddenly in his
lace and sighed, "Imuet go in at ten; is
it ten yet2" !" No, dear, said he, look
ing at bis watch, SIS is only ten min
utes OF ten." soft restIuI expression
spread over Rosalie's face at these words,
aud she said, then we may stay here
ten minutes more; ten precious minutes
here together in The al beautiful
moonlight, al her head again return
ed to point not thousand miles from
Hollis purple cIavat. Then poor Ho.
lis, just as If the whole sffair was pure
ly business transaction, blnrted ou',
- hnt uafnh fo,, ,,,,,,,tn, olorv "