davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
GREEN WITH JEALOUSY.

The editor of the Duluth Tribune is so jealous
that he casts green shadow. About the tir Q
this paper WAS presented with an alligator, a
Florida friend sent one to him: and he hoped to
paralyze the whole blooming northwest with the
assertion that he possessed the only living alii-
gator now in a state of captivity. When he
read in our paper that we also had pet of the
same species, 1t made him so mad that steam
hissed out of his ears and his eyes glowed with
burning glow that almost rivalled the cardinal
halo which surrounds his nose. and cloud of
smoke followed his pencil as he wrote the fol-
lowing:
presented with pet alligator alao, jlst be: ause
the Duluth Tribune has one. Wen wager $4
there isn't man about the B. 4. shanty that
ever saw alligator, or if he did, the alligator
didn't see him. The B. II. alligator is myth.
Somebody saw Kit Adams yawn and stretch
himself, hence the-illusion.
Our once cherished waste of yawning mouth
and diminutive body has passed away from the
troublous cares of earth, else we would send a
photo of him to our good Duluth co-patriot
The only proof we can furnish is q lead pencil
bearing the tooth marks of the little rascal. He
aaw it in our hand and mistaking it for the limb
of an opera singer, which he was accustomed TO-
see in his southern home, he made gallant
lunge at it and almost crushed it in his saw-like
teeth. The pencil will be forwarded to the
Duluth scribe.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
Water Works.

As soon as the details arrive from the engin.
eer an advertisement will appear inviting pro-
posals for the excavation and building of the
reservoirs for the Bismsrk Water Works. Mr..
B. B. Mellon, one Of the principals in the en- :
terprise, has spent a large portion of the winte-
in obtaining information regarding various kinds
of works and Bismark will receive the benefit
of his tour of observation. The ground, eight.
cen acres, near the bridge, has been secured tho
survey for the mains made and active work will
begin as soon as the frost is ont of the ground
Not only will tho terms of the ordinance and
franchise be complied with, but larger mains
will be put in and the branches extended north
ward two blocks further than called for. MIR.
Mellon goes east now to place the order for pipes,
of which over 800 tons will be used. Mr.. Mel
Ion states that an engine house will be required
of brick 3Ox1OO with iron roof, and that proba-
bly, Worthington pump will be used It is al
30 intended to have the mains 80 arranged that
direct pressure can be had in case of fire, if de-
sired, although the force obtained from the res
ervoir $50 feet above the city will be sufficient
for all ordinary purposes. It is expected the
works will cost 100000 when completed, and
the date set for this event is July 1st next.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
Telegraphfc Improvements.

Telegraphfc improvements.
Owing to the large increase of business and
the outlook for still greater volume in the near
future, great Improvements will speedily be in
augurated in the Western Union telegraph Office:
in this city. The operating room will be greatly
enlarged by removing partitions, and throwing
whst,,are now several ad djoining rooms into one.-
This is rendered necessary by the proposed in
PRODUCTION of the new duplex and quadruplex
instrumenta-the former to be used between
Bismarck and Helena and the latter between
Bismarck and st. Paul. These instruments are
of the latest improved construction, and by the
use of the quadruplex as many as four operators
can work at each end of single wire. The Of
fee here is looked upon as being the most I'M
portant one on the circuit west of st. Paul, and
the company are determined to pat it in shape
to meet every demand made upon it for the
speedy transaction Of business.
Mr.. G. E. V. Draper, the Office has grown from
minor affair to its present Importance. He
makes the business a study, and io ever devising
new improvements and facilities to add to its ef-
fectiveness in handling the great mass Of busi-
ness entrusted to his care. In the early spring
it is the intention to largely increase the force
of operators under his management, and Bis
marck will soon be able to boast of an as we'll
appointed and important telegraph office as
can be found in the Northwest.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
SHE WANTED TO BE SURE.

At noon yesterday . girl about nineteen
years old and wearing somewhat faded cos
tune came up to the delivery window of the
postofice, threw down letter and ssid to the
clerk: '. - .-~s-s .~ 2--
us that air stamp all squee-gce?''
Eyes, it SCENE to be al right"
can is the address writ SOS thar kin be no
show of it's gittin' of'n the trail an monkeyin'
al round the country afore it gifts to wharf it's
addressed?' .t.
"Oh. guess so. The mail boys can manage
to-"~
II don't want no guess work about it, for
that's matter o life an death. IF that lette,
III 60 straight say SO. an if it won't lest unlim-
ber yer tongue an give me squar musio''
'Tll guarantee that it will find the person ia
whom it is addressed" )" said the clerk, who had
deciphered the hieroglyphice on the envelope. ,
"Then that's all right, but if it don't git thar
on time I'll have you took up fur murder. That
letters fur my Teller back in Ilinoy, an he
writ that if I wouldn't marry him right off he'd
kill hisaelf, an Two writ back that he kin cume
on an double up jest ~ soon ~ he wants ter
II that letter don't git thar straight Jim's jest
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

table, IF I were playing with Jupiter at star
ante would darken the everlasting firmanent
on the hand have just turned down." Oh
stuff Prentice was never editor of the Courier
Journal. He was editor of the Journal. The,
story was never told of him by anyone who had
sense. and never so badly spoiled by anyone who
knew how to tell it. Sergeant s. .Prentiss made
q remark of the kind on Mississippi river
steau boat. When one Of the gentlemen on the
other side "b!uffed'' he said: "Gentlemen, you
are indulging in the hyperbole of cards. will
indulge in both the hyperbole of cards and the
hyperbole of language. I'll weoe playing with
Jupiter at star ante and darkness had scooped in
most of the available chips, I would sacrifice the
st at the risk of darkening the universe on the
hand intend to hold up until the pot is mine.'
Tell the story right or not at all. ~
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
one business man said:" Double my advertising
space after the first of March. I want to see
your paper larger and the only way ls t" sup
port it better. realize its Importance.
Mail Methods.

The ways OF the United States mail are won-
derful. The train due in Mandan on Monday
night at $50 arrived yesterday morning. Ow-
ing to the short time that the train on its pass
age west stopped at Bismarck, the Bismarck
mail bound for the west wa. Mt put aboard.
The Bismarck postmaster, finding that the train
had been missed, dispatched man with q team,
sending by the messenger the bag containing
mails for to Rns west Of Mandan and tae bag for
Mandan. This latter, besides containing tie
regular mail, had number of registered letters
for Mandan from the east One would have
supposed that the messenger would have left
the Mandan bag at the postOf6oe, seeing that he
had to drive past, both on his way to the depot
and also ON his way back. But be did not, he
simply left it at the depot, and it was only be-
cause the man who carries the regular mail to
the Mandan postoffice happened to have sharp
eyes. that he got the mail at all. Truly tho
ways of Uncle Sans servants who live
in Bismarck-are wonderful
The above is the Mandan Pioneers story; now
for the facts. The postmaster at Bismarck has
nothing to do with transporting the mails be-
tween the Office and trains and did not send a
team with the mail to Mandan. On Tuesday
morning the mail was all madelup, and had
been for many hours, waiting for the.train. A
report from the train was received at the post
office fixing the time of its arrival here at
later hour than that at which it actually did ar
rive, hence the postoffice people did not know it
had arrived until the railway officials sent team
in great haste to transport the mail the route
agent to Mandan to catch it. Mr.. Stout, the
agent, had charge of the mail end had no more
right to deliver it at the Mandan postofice than
he had to throw it off to the bridge tender. He
took it to the Mandan depot and delivered it to
the messenger there, as was his sworn duty, and
while in his car the Mandan mail carrier at
tempted to throw the Mandan sack into the car
and would have done so had not MIR. Stout
called his attention to the fact that it was
Mandan pouch. The Mandal carriers 'sharp
eyes'' were opened by Stout. The Pioneer
would do we'll to investigate matters before
Jumping at conclusions; it would then perhaps,
make fewer mistakes. It is portion of the
contract with the government that the railway
company shall transport the mails between
postofices and trains; fact which the Pioneer
can learn If it will make inquiry.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
HYPERBOLE.

/ The old story of the game of poker in which
it is alleged that George D. Prentice played q
big hand has started around again, and the Dem
yer Tribune takes occasion to correct it and tell
it in the right manner. The Tribune says
'The Chicago Inter Ocean says: 1T is told of
George d. Prentice. once editor of the LouiAville
Courier-Journal that in poker game when the
stakes ran high he was accused by his opponent
Of betting more than bis hand was worth. Sir
he replied, as be turned the hand down on the
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
He Likes Bismark,

MI. G. W. Anderson, Of Forsyth NJ. T., county
commissioner for Custer county, while paying
friendly viist to his b1other. .in-law, NJ. L:
Mars b, of this city says, there is no town OF
city, from the Missouri to the Pacific ocean
making such great Improvements as Bismarck,
nor one that it will pay so we'll to invest in.
Mr.. Anderson went to st. Louis on business
trip. and will purchase considerable of Bismarck
property on his return. Mrs. Anderson, is pay
ing visit to her sister Mrs. NJ. l.. Marsh 1t
present.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
ACORRECTION.

The following item is skipping about through
the Eastern press:-
Froze.up in Montana, showed up in Dakota
washed out in Ohio. spring birds singing in Tex
as, with ripe Strawberries and summer sun in
Florida, gives an idea of this our glorious coun-
try. 49,
The author of the squib got matters frightful-
ly mixed. He meant to say: ''Frost- bitten in
Montana, washed d-out in Ohio, whisky famine
in Texas, froze. out in Florida, spring birds in
Minnesota and flowers and summer sun and ba-
nanas in Dakota, gives an idea of the variety of
this our glorious country Let us correct these
little matt. rs ss they pass US by.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

dunn fool enough to swaller dose g pizen OF
somethin', an mind, young man. that you are
liable to be pulled any minute for murder if he
does. My names Ann Snodgrass an anybody
that knows the Snodgrasses III tell you that
we're not to be fooled with when human hfe's
at stake"
And she shook a warning finger at the clerk
and walked out.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
THE GIRL CLAIM HOLDERs.

An over confident youth of town in ILL
nois writes to the TRIBUNE:
Il am coming to Dakota in March, aud will
marry the first handsome girl run acrsss who
has good claim of her own"
You will, will you? Have you an idea that
Won can come out here and locate and file on one
of these brave, fearless and enterprising girls
as you would on piece of land? Does it
occur to you that these poor, lonely, eager dar-
linps are on the lookout for men ready to
pounce down like bird of prey on the first one
that heaves in sight? Young man, you are clear
off your pedestal.
The girls who are holding down claims in
Dakota are worthy of the love of the proudest
prince that ever treaded the halls of royalty.
The man who marries one of them must pos
sess their spirit of enterprise and pluck, and
must prove to them that he is man, and not
q worthless, dudish imitation of man. These
girl claim-holders are made of noble material,
and he who wins one of them must prove him.
self q nobleman ere he can hope to have his
happiness crowned by a love that king would
envy. They might look upon a
fashionable dude as Artemus Ward looked upon
his bear, as AMI amoozin' little cuss," but they
would laugh until the echoes all over their
claims would have the delirium tremens at the
such human curiosities.
One cannot but pause in wonder while con-
templating the nerve and spirit shown by these
daring ladies. They have left their bones be-
hind them and have, with a steady eye fixed on
the future, located upon the wild lands and
taken up their habitation there, far removed
from all they hold near and dear! They fully
realize that in few years they can be the proud
mistresses of small but valuable Kingdoms of
their own, and with nerve and determination
which reminds one of the famed women of olden
time, they are Drawing the hardships of frontier
life with heroic hearts and with 6xedness of
purpose unknown to the dainty darlings of the
metropolitan centres Of the east. All honor and
praise to these noble girls! The world should
bow down and do them homage, and when they
do take husbands they should have men, and
men who are worthy of such heroines.
No, young man, you will not marry the first
handsome female claim holder you run across.
II tnat IL Ue luea WHICH, A1upeAs you " coaAiS "
Dakota you had best remain where-ye.a are and
continue to smirk and smile across dry goods
counter, for the letter head you tells rs your
busi,ess If you would win Dakota girl you
must throw off your coat and your kid gloves
and 90 to work and prove yourself to be man
worthy of woman whose nerves are of iron;
whose will is as the eternal rocks; whose bra
very is that cf the lion and yet whose gentleuess
and goodness of heart is that of a eco''aa'a
There's picture of Dakota girl for you to con-
template before you pack your grip and start for
the wonderland of the world.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
Died.

CLARKE,-In this city, Feb. 81, 1884, of
scarlet fever, Alice, youngest daughter of James
ana Sarah Clarke, aged two years and three
months. Funersl at the residence today at
ESQ o'clock. Burial private.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

AKENrucKY editors breath il so impregnated
with whisky that every time he sneezes the AZ
mosphere gets drunk.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
A MINNESOTA editor kept mob out OF hi
Office by barring the door with the Office towel.

"WHo will mourn for Logan when he finds he
ia left?'-New Yo1k Journal. Mrs. Logan will.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

PLEADING papers of America are becoming
almost as numerous as greatest shows on
earth'
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

"OH, mamma! Hear papa purr." The good
man was softly snoring.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

An sooordeon playing match for $50 side
will take place in New York next week. II tne
players succeed in eluding the police.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

The only benefit derived from the floods lies
in the fact that they have attracted public at
tention. away from congress for brief period.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22
rR1BUNE Tw1NKLEs.

No one ever refers to the missed.aches of Job.
He never missed any. .s.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

EASTERN papers are condemning the comic
valentine. They must have got it put to them
stronger than ever this year.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

A BISMARCK young man received letter from
his girl back in Pennsylvania in which she said
"Oh bunny my Lof for You invillops Mi hart in
Chanes of golden Fier And swamps mi sole in
see of Roasy blis." The case Is more serious
than he thought it was
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

AN English nobleman now travelling in the
east has offered his heart and hand to SER
want girl, and the papers are limiting at the fact
that he must have found out what wages che is
getting, However, it may possibly be genuine
love match.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

JUST about this time Noah is sitting around IN
the promised land Watching the southern Hoods
and telling new comers of the sort OF Hoods
thew usei to have when he was on deck.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

STANLEY Huntley archly bows his eyebrows
and naivelv asserts that out here in Dakota the
worshlppers in the far end OF the cnuroh threat
en- to shoot the preacher unless he speaks loud
or. Will the vile tongue of slander never
down? We all sit up ON the first two or three
front seats,
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

A RECENT cut of Tilden in the eastern papers
failed to attract particle Of notice. heaoers
simply gave 1t sweeping glance, and suppos'ng
it to be- "Before Taking" cut with patent
medicine advertisement, passed it by.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

BEEoHER says he could be happy and content
ed As the editor of newspaper in some western
eown, Some men are eternally graspinR and
lbnging for higher sphere in life.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

The South Dakotains have never yet accused
Governor Ordway of writing "Fhe Bread WIN
ne1s. They are not depraved enough for that.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

A MAIDEN in Texas has confessed that she ls
100 years old, but great guns how she Is going
for the priest for exposing the secrets OF the
confessional!
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

CABLE, the novelist, visited Mark Twain and
was at once taken sick. The particular JOKE
which Mark fred at him SO effectually will prob
ablv never be known. No publisher would dare
81, int
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

FoR once the New York editors are puzzled;
nonplussed; bewildered; dazed; all broke up
tramp plumber has been arrested in that city
for vagrancy.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

ALou1sv11LE man is laboring under the hal
luoination that his boots are filed with $40 gold
pieces, Some fortunate distiller seems to have
hit upon the right grade of whisky at last.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

Two Yonkers N. Y, men are engaged in
baked bean eating match for prize. The bos-
ton School of Foolosophy is watching tn econtest
with breathless interest.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

A WRITER on the subject OF whales says: AS
has already been pointed out, there are many
points in the structural organization of the cet-
ocean visoera far more like those of the ungu-
lates than the carnivores." That must be what
smelled so badly about the whale that was on
exhibition some time since.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

A BISMARCK woman says she can put her baby
to sleep in two minutes by singing ''Sweet Vio-
lets." The knowing little one probably sfeigns
sleep to get her to stop the music.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

IT is rumored that Bessie Turner is going on
the lecture platform. She will be remembered
a. a portion Of the properties used by Tilton in
his great sleep walking act.
Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-22

In its skating department Chicago paper
endeavors to teach its readers how to fall grace
fully. This beautiful art has been too long neg
lected. The people here just drop right down
in an impromptu manner, evidently without any
previous preparation, and without giving the
matter the forethought and reflection graceful
fall would require. 54@53s,
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-05-10
A Stock Little Game.

Stock-b brokers are sometimes men oil
considerable resource. 1t is said on
the Stock Exchange that one day last
month firm received a letter from a
country gentleman, one of their Gus
toners, announcing that he was coming
up to town that day, and would call
upon them and take away parcel Of
valuable securities which were lying on
their hands. In the afternoon the
customer arrived. After the usual
greeting, said one partner to the other;
BLANK, will you lend me your key OF
this safe, to get out this gentleman s
securities? broke mine yesterday
Il never had key to that safe" re.
piled the junior partner. Hadn't you?
L thought you had Well, suppose
there is nothing for it but to send for 6
couple of smiths and haze it broker
open" But here the good-natured
customer interposed. The safe was g
great, massive affair, as acknowledging
as the Bank of England. "Don't have
it broken OPEN" he said. "You car
send me the securities; | dare say they
will travel quite safely"
1He pdIIucIS tuduheu uHe CUHSluerdJt
gentleman, and the subject dropped
Before he left the Office the senior part
ner invited his customer to dine with
him at his club that evening. The in
vitation was accepted; and in the course
of the meal the guest said: "Now yor
have often promised to run down anc
see my place, and you've never done it
viii you come on Saturday." Eyes,
will" answered the stock broker; "anC
[ can bring those securities of your;
with me. That will be safer thar
sending them by the rail or by post. ,
"All right, that will do nicely" Blu
before the Saturday arrived the stock
broker, with the securities in his port
manteau, had departed. like the Magi
another way Whitehall ReUiew.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-05-10
Temperance Items.

IT is said to be fact that there is
not an Irish Catholic saloon-keeper in
the City of St. Paul, all of them being
influenced by the church to quit the
business.
IT is said that q certain party re-
Gently stepped into saloon and called
for a glass of beer. a lady followed the
would-be imbiber and, as he was about
to take the glass, tapped him gently on
the shoulder and requested him to go
with her. He complied, and as the
two marched toward the door the saloon
keeper recovered sufficiently from his
amazement to calculate: That beats
the devil!'' The lady turned and put
the clincher on by responding: EYES,.
sir, it was my intention to beat the
devilr'
WE all know wives and mothers of
drunkards, who time and again, have.
with suppliant tear begged that the
saloon-keeper sell them no strong drink.
Their prayer was all in vain. A few
days ago the wife of drunkard was on
her knees before me, suppliant in her
children's name that do something to
reform her husband. He obtains his
liquor, she told me. across the street
from her cottage. Speak to the saloon
keeper" l said; perhaps, being your
neighbor and knowing your sufferings,
he will not permit your husband to visit
his saloon" "Oh!" she replied, in Bit
ter agony, II have spoken to him again
and again, and it makes matters worse;
he repeats to my husband that it is n
shame for him to allow a woman to at
tempt to rule his action" Provided
money is received for drink, the liquor
traffic is demoniac in its recklessness;,
it has not the slightest care that homes
are demolished, all joy and hope crushed
out from hearts, virtue destroyed, souls
damned, earth cursed and eternity
turned into darkness and despair
| National Anlericaa.