Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-09-04
WIT AND HUMOR.

Naoml's maidenhood.
''Ah, Jones, given up club life since
you got married." mot at all. |
have as much club life as ever. The
only trouble is my wife carries the
club"
oh, mamma, mammal said little
girl the other day, rs she saw chick
en- without any feathers in its tail, ''see
dat ole hen! she has losted the rib
bons out OF her polonaise."
"Clothes!" exclaimed Yeast the
other morning to his wife. who was i'm
portuning her husband for some sum-
mer tixings; ''Why, | haven't a re-
spectacle pair of trousers to my back!'
Trust men and they will trust you,"
said Ralph Waldo Emerson. Trust
men and they will bust you," says an
ordinary, everyday business man.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
American titles of distinction. says
the Judge, arc 'Bearon Wallstreet,
Count Yourchickens, Earl Ytohed."
Oh, yes; and there's Duke Comtobed
also, and Prints Allthenews.
Commenting on the census showing
that the number of persons in each
family IS fraction over five, cynical
old bachelor superfiuously adds that
the husb band is the fraction over.
They have pound for cats ia
Brooklyn, says an exchange. We have
a pound for them in Boston, and it will
be administered with anything that
comes within our reach.-B0St07a Post
Love is blind" Maybe that's how
the gas is so often turned down in the
parlor when love takes possession.
Because why? Love being blind there
is no use in wasting gas to make light
for it.
A man will laugh at woman en-
deavoring to sharpen q lead pencil,
but he does not reflect that if he were
to Try ever so hard he could never trim
last years hat so that it looks like
new.
The Summer offers great induce
ments to lovers. There are picnics,
excursions, parks, front door court
ships, pleasure strolls, ice cream, and
better still, they can see all the styles
of baby coaches.
Il think will 90 to Ohio to live,"
said a maiden of uncertain age. What
for?' asked her grandfather. BE
cause there is one factory there that
makes So, 900 matches every day." she
replied, with q sigh.
Young man, in looking for q wife
look for an economical one. The GIRL
who in this sort of weather won't let
you hug her until she has taken off her
collar, and thus saved it from being
mussed, is the one who shows practical
economy.
Ma" said Miss Parvenu, Jenny
Jones has been presented at court in
London" That's nothing" replied
ma. "Why, [ was in court two whole
weeks when my sister was getting her
divorce. We are just rs good rs the
Joneses."
A man who suddenly cot rich in a
speculation mas read somewhere that
every family, the richest and the
proudest, has Il skeleton in its closet,
and now he's skirmishing around to
buy Il skeleton, rs his wife and daugh-
ters want TO be in the style.
This IS the time of the year that the
young man Just out of the high school
begins to perfect himself in jumping,
running, rowing, boxing and club
swinging, that he may pass salts
factory examination ut Harvard and
get into the Freshman class. -P1tcb.
q don't think the chorus girls of
the Boston Ideals are so very hand
some, " said youth to his companion
the other day. - guess you are
prejudiced, " said the grandfather, who
was present: Il know some OF 'em,
and they were called very pretty when
| was . boy"
''Shall | sing When the Robins Nest
Again, dariin9?" she asked with u
sweet smile us she moved toward the
piano. Yes, love-" he replied; then
after moments pause he added: cal
oW me to call your attention to the
fact that the robins won't nest again
till next year.
When I think that there are men who
are bold enough to look p woman in
the face, to address her, to shake her
by the hand, and to say to her without
sinking to the ground, with terror:
"Wil you marry me?" | cannot help
wondering to what lengths human
audacity will go.-StahL
A-''YOu see that man over opposite?
We'll, he was once one of the most re-
Specialize and respected citizens in
town." B-"And isn'th now?" A
Alas! no. He went yachting last
Summer and saw the sea serpent"
B-"And what of that?" A-''Every-
body speaks of him now as liar and a
drunkard."
Somehow the young ladies don't
seem to grasp the leap-year idea as
they should. They ought to fly around
and spend their time and money on the
young men, who have to do that sort Of
thing three years on the stretch. Leap
year was designed expressly to give
the young men a financial rest, as it
were, and they need it, too.
A countrywoman, who was visiting
her married daughter in New York,
wrote home that she was Giving on a
flat" A family council was held to