The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1884-07-24
RAYS OF MIRTH.

There is one thing that Prince Bis
mark cannot do TO the American pig.
lie cannot prevent his turning to
Greece.
A young bride claimed that her hus-
band was n model man. And he was
His occupation was making dummies
for clothing stores.-[ Hotel Mail.
"what is wanted in this country"
said the bride, as she examined the we'd
ding presents, sis silver service reform,
that set is plated. Baltimore Day.
Billows says he has noticed that the
butchers word of honor, us being n
truthful man, is often at steak. although
he makes no bones about it.-[Warsaw
Wasp.
aid like to have you give me q good
send-oii," said a man to the editor the
other day. swell, as soon as my boots
come back from the cobbler's I'll do it,"
was rhe effective reply Boston Times.
eyes, sighed broken-down man
who had given his signature TO oblige a
friend, 1.-THE most foolish thing ever did
In my life WINS TO learn TO write my own
name. ~ New FORK Commercial Adver-
tiser.
A man whose knowledge is based on
actual experience says that. when call
ing on their sweethearts, young men
should carry affection in their hearts,
perfection in their manners and confec-
tion in their pockets.-[Ex.
~ suppose" said Clark street physi-
clan to patient, while feeling his pulse,
''that You consider me humbug.n IL
think Il very odd that you so accurately
divine my thoughts by simply feeling
my pulse" retorted the PATIENT Chi
oago Times.
"Mr. Jackson do you know the monis-
tic theory of the universe 2" Mr.. H.
Eyes" Pause. Professionally
don't you tell me, them" Mr.. j .-''Well.
you see, there is no telling what know"
Professor dismisses the class. II lIar-
ward Lampoon.
Emma Abbott has been singing "IIome
Sweet Home" TO the oonvicts In Penn
sylvania prison. This is almost as
touching as the effort Of n church organ
list who played ~ Am Pirate King"
while the deacon was taking up the col
Acknowledgment journal.
$50 you think your son smokes, Mrs.
Jonesy" "fm sure of 1t, Mrs. Brown.
I've found pieces Of tobacco in his pocls-
cts" "Dear me, dearme Pm sorry.
My son has no bad habits. l never find
anything in his pockets but cloves and
Little Emma came running into the
parlor yesterday morning where her
mother was entertaining young Mr.,
Duder until Miss Mary would complete
her toilet and come down stairs, and
cried out "Oh, mamma, Johnny Is dot
Mary's teef and won't give 'em to her."
Il Kentucky State journal.
Mother-"What did you mean by in
Producing me to Mr.. Brown as your
auntY.' Daughter-"Forgive me, mother,
but as MIR. Brown appears to be on the
point OF proposing ana II wouldn't do to
run any risk just now, you know. He
has strong prejudice against mothers
in-law."-[ Boston Transcript.
The Judge got home rather late the
other evening and found young fellow
sitting on the sofa with the "sole daugh-
ter Of his house and heart" swell, sir,n
said the judicial gentleman; "what are
you doing hereY" II have come into
court, Your Honor, for the defendant
was the ready reply Boston Budget.
Court Ito prosecutor)- "Then you rec
ognize this handkerchief as the one
which was stolen from you?" Prosecu-
tor-"Yes, Your Honor.h Court-"And
yet II isn't the only handkerchief of the
sort In the world. See. one have in
tor-"Very likely, Your Honor; had
two stolen.--[ kenney Gazette.
One Of the professors of the University
of Texas was engaged in explaining the
Darwinian theory to his class, when he
observed that they were not paying
proper attention. Gentlemen said
the professor, when / am endeavoring
to explain to you the peculiarities of the
monkey, wish you would look right at
mel Texas Siftings.
The unlntelligibility of brakeman's
call when announcing n station is pro-
verbal. The other day, however, ono
called this station plain enough. There
was Sheriff on the train with some
prisoners for the penitcntiary, and upon
announcing the arrival here, the brake
man said "Yumal Change clothes /;
10 years FOR refreshnent."- Yuba Sem
tinel.
Grandpapa-"Whatg Bob in love
with Fontalba, the comic actress at the
Parthenon ?" Bob (irlng up)-"Yes,
grandpa; and II you've got a word to say
against that lady. IL had not better
be said in my presence, that's ALL"
Grandpapa-"I say word against her !!
Why, bless your heart. my dear boy, /
was head over ears In love with her my
self-when / was your age ?"-[ London
Punch.
81 am waiting for the spring time
Sang maiden through her noe,
"For can't let Walter kiss me
Without brother goes and blows
'In the bright and balmy spring time.
When the bumble-bees do bum,
We can meet within the woodlet
And-yum-yum y-u-mr'
-[Ouray Solid Muldoon.