Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-06-12

ana Sternly QemanQeu The packdSe:
"There it is and you can take Iseo your our
affair on a chair and walked out doors:
It was five minutes before the officer
picked it up, and then he was all alone in
the place. He placed it on the bar, carefully
removed the wrapping and when he reach
ed the compound itself he stuck up his nose
and walked out and pursued his way. 1t
was cake ofcompressed yeast.-FTse FTess.
THE SNoRE OF A STATEsMAN.-Cong
man Warner, of Tennessee, is a fine consti-
tutional lawyer, and also, occasionally is
fine slumberer. Last session it was his Gus
tom, when weary, to put his feet upon his
desk, swing himself back in his chair and
nod off into the happy land of dreams. One
day while indulging in his favorlte habit
he began to snore.
Congressman Warmers snOre is fine,
large, able-bodied snore. It is exquisite
in its resonant music, and it breaks Oft in
its sweetest places into delicious snort.
It pursues its sad avocation in hum
drum sort of way when Mr.. Warner is en-
seonced in the privacy of his bed room, but
on this occasion the snore saw that 1t was
in distinguished company, and it bumped
itself for the greatest effort of its life. 1t
scared up to high C, and then it sank down
to low G. 1t indulged in a profusion OF
grace notes, then it walled like the flute that
the amateur tackles in the still hours OF
night Pretty soon the snore began to make
itself felt, also heard, and the members for
cot themselves under the witching influence
of its melody. The snore noticed this and
redoubled its efforts, and, as it increased in
volume, it caught the speakers ear. Mr.
Keifer wrapped with the gavel and said:
ssThe gentleman from Tennessee is out OF
order, and to be recognized he must offer
his resolution to adjourn while standing"
Congressman Dibrell, one of Mr.. War
ner's colleagues, taking in the situation,
shook the snoring statesman and said:
"Dick, what in the world are you doing?
You have gotten the House in terrible
confusion, and Keifer thinks you have made
motion to adjourn"
"Whatw calculated Mr.. Warner, rubbing
his eyes. "Why, was only studying the
Constitution. Washington Hatchet.
GENERAL JACKSON AND HIS HoRsE.-An
aged colored man, in the solitudes OF East
Tennessee, tells an original anecdote of Gen
eral Jackson. According to this authority,
the General having ridden up to little
tavern in MarysvilIe, and found a score or
more of loungers who were not inclined to
make place for him in front OF the tlre,
called to a servant
"Boy, have you got any oysters in the
shell?"
'Yes, massa, plenty of 'em."
swell, put my horse in the barn, ana
measure out half bushel of oysters and
carry to him."
The loungers speedily thinned out to see
a horse eat oysters. The General, after en-
ioying the fire and seeing the boy, said:
"Well, boy, how is my horse getting
along with his oysters?"
"Oh, massa, he amt eating 'em."
''Very we'll, bring 'em to me and give
him some oats.
KEEPING DUcKs.-An Irish gentleman
visited the municipal court, and walking up
to the Judge on the bench, said "Joodge,
the wather pipe at the hydrant beyant me
house has bursht, and it has flooded me Gel
lar and is drowning me hins. Me name is
Mccarthy, joodge." The judge sympa-
thized with him, and was sorry for the
damp life his hens were leading, but told
him he would have to 60 to the board of
public works and complain. Mccarthy
went away, but the next morning he came
back to the Judge and told the same story
about the sswather' and the "hins," when
the Judge said, 81 told you to go to the board
ofpublic works and tell your story" And
I did" said Mccarthy. "And what did
they say ?" asked the judge; Mccarthy,
lOOkeu luulSuduI dll.t oaiu, LII. inuhA CO...
me, 'McCarty,' says he, why in thunder
don't you kape ducks ?"
A SLIM CHANcE.-"Don't you believe
that marriages are made in Heaven"' ask
ed Mr.. Yeast of Miss Prim, the other day.
"I most certainly do," replied the lady of
uncertain age, Frightening up at the very
suggestion of proposal, and throwing her
head on one side in her endeavor to look
coquettish "but why do you ask"'
"Well, I thought you did," was the
young mans satisfied reply.
''But why did you think did," presisted
the antiquated maiden, almost swallowing
her overskirt in her attempts to appear captl-
"Well," responded the heartless young
man. lighting cigarette, and getting at a
respectable distance from his antagonist, lit
doesn't look as though there was much
chance of your being married before you
reach therew
THE ART OF HoUsECLEANING.-T is
an art much studied, but little understood.
It is generally undertaken at this season
of the year by weak and feeble woman, and
during the process she invariably gets the
best of strong and healthful man.
Woman rips up all the carpets, opens all
the windows, sets pail of hot water and
bar of soap in the middle of the floor, ties
up her head in an old apron and fOrgets all
about cooking the dinner.
Man goes home, sees the carpet on the
line, doesn't smell any dinner, gets mad,
and goes back to the Office with an empty
stomach.
This seems to be about all there is of val
ue in the art of Observation-Disclosures
Post.
n@ Old Sam Kalleton was doubtless one
of the most ardent legislators known to the
history of Arkansas. Every bill introduce
ed by well-dressed man he looked upon
with suspicion, and never failed to suggest
an amendment. One morning, after a
nights carousal, he entered the legislative
hall Just as the chaplain was asking divine
aid. The old man took chew OF tobacco
and listened attentively until the chaplain
closed his petition with an effective recita-
tion of the Lords prayer.
"Mr. Speaker" said the old man, arising.
81 move to strike out the words daily
bread and insert as much bread as may be
found necessary for twenty days. we
have already done enough for the HOOD SUI
ferers."
s@ Tobacco man at the White House-"I
hope, Mr.. President, that you are IN favor
of rebate"
The President-s'Well,y yes; I always re-
bait when the worm begins to get little
too white"
w"Liquor," said the lecturer, ''is respon..
sible for much of the misery in this World." "
.sThat'sso," said an old topper in the audience:
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