The Bossier banner., 1884-11-06
Mrs. Jarphly's Contribution to the Cam-
paign Club.

paign Club
''What is the matter with your eve,
Mr.. JarphlyP" asked the Man with the
Cold Tea Scheme, as he met the Thin
Man without Shirt Collar.
Nothing the matter with that eve
that [ know of, replied the Thin Man,
looking upon the other rather resent
fully out of it.
This was not within the facts. Mr..
Jarphly's eye was imbedded in deep
purple, etched with lighter blue,
running to black. In fact it was a
very damaged orb and resembled an
eye that had run against something
more prominent than a knot hole.
''You amt been sleeping with the
window up and caught cold in it?"
sympathetically asked the Cold Tea
Man.
'Naw!n
''Loaned it to friend to go to pic.
mic with?''
ssNaW.n
painted it that way to see how it
would bit new suit you're getting?'
The Thin Man tried to look the Cold
Tea Man from head to foot in deep in
dignation, but as the damaged eve re-
fused to associate with the other one,
keeping within itself, as it may be ex-
pressed, the repression of the look
was lost upon the party it was in
tended for, and the Cold Tea Man con-
tinued:
''Jarphly, we're old friends, and
have never seen an eve on YOU like that
before. Where did you buy it?"
Il didn't buy it; it was give to me.
See here, Goshorn, we are old friends,
and don't mind telling you little
matter of the kind. This eve YOU see
me wearing is Mrs. Jarphly's Offering
to patriotism.
''Offering to patriotismr'
eyes, it's Martha's contribution to
the campaign fund"
s.As how?"
CAS- follows: You know I'm pretty
we'll liked among the boys over in our
ward in Allegheny, and when they
formed a marching club they elected
me Captain"
That was quite an honor, " remarked
Mr.. Goshorn, complimentary.
30, yes, ;" replied the Thin Man. "a
good deal of honor but a good deal
more beer. Beer and glory have got
badly mixed in this country, and it's
sometimes hard to tell them apart. But
as | was saying, they elected me Capt
ain and Martha didn't much like it.
She said she didn't care much for the
honor to myself, that she'd trade it for
a new pair of shoes. She said she was
afraid if got into politics I'd get into
the workhouse-"
"Women are queer" sententiously
interiected the Cold Tea Man.
''Ain't They'll replied MIR. Jarphly,
with far -aWay-Moses look in his best
eye. ''But it never does to try and ex-
plain business matters to them. They
don't seem to comprehend the stern
realities of life and its commercial
obligations, so l told her it was my
duty as citizen of the Repub-
lie and one who had the interests of
my native land at heart to accept, and
| told the boys I'd be down next meet
ing. As luck had it, it happened
that night Martha asked me to get her
some stuff for white dress she was
going to her church picnic in and gave
me a five-dollar bill. BE sure YOU
come right back with it, jeremiah,
said she. %, will,' SAYS /. and that
was my intention. But | thought I'd
just go down first and accept the posi-
ton at the club, and the boys, ofcourse,
expected a patriot to contribute to the
campaign fund, so set 'em up few
times and contributions were called for
so fast the first thing knew Martha's
five dollars had all been contributed. -
'Did you go home?" asked the Coal
Tea Man retiectively.
20, yes, went home. / had too
much patriotism in me to know enough
to stay away. Martha asked me where
the dress stuff was and what kept mo
so late. told her about the honorable
position had been elected to and how
it is the duty of every honest citizen to
interest himself in politics. Where is
my five dollars?' said she. Why says
/, Martha, to tell the truth, I thought
you would like to do little something
for your country, and / contributed it
to the campaign fund in your name. I
do not exactly remember what did oc-
cur. Martha isso excitable, you know.
When got up aud took look in the
glass next morning 1 stumbled over
q broken mop handle. That made nae
suspicious and when saw this eye I
asked Mrs. Jarphly, says /, Martha,
how did get this eyeP'
'Wot did she sayP"
''She said that she gave it to me to
take with me to the Marching Club,
that it was her private contribution to
the campaign fund. ~ Pittsburgh Cbron.
tcle Telegraph.
Farmers, Care For Yourselves.
] often think it strange that, as rule,