The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1884-11-06

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The Excursion Train.
The man who invented the excursion
train introduced new danger in our
modern life, already fraught with so
many perils. His intentions were laud-
able. no doubt. He believed he had
filed long felt want and conferred a
genuine good upon his fellowmen. He
saw people langaishing at home in the
excursions from Che city to the country,
or rice rersa. Political conventions
and other menagerie and circus COM
binatiops were not patronized rs they
might be with rates reduced, and he
conceived that half-fare tickets would
add immeasurely to the county fairs,
horse races, base ball matches and
camp meetings. So he launched the
excursion train on the iron highway as
special boon to mankind. The idea
was tiattering in itself. Every one who
ava,le himself of it felt, somehow,
that the railroad company had arranged
this for his own special qualification,
Each passenger was prince or prin-
this sentiment was somewhat dampened
when, to the multitude of distinguished
personages, the prince was obliged to
choose between sitting on the roof and
standing in hog car, but these were
minor Inconvenience, and not to be
weighed against the allurements of
half-farc.
Bnt there are drawbacks to every
pleasure, though ii is we'll to remem-
Der that the excursion train will not
draw you back if You lose your return
ticket. We read of the malice OF in
animate things, but nowhere is this
displayed 30 Enthusiastically rs in con-
nertion with the excursion train. Ii is
more subject to accidents than regular
trains. Engineers don't like to haul
one. They claim that n locomotive,
ordinarily the best behaved in the
world, seems possessed as soon it is
coupled to an excursion train. 1t
trembles violently without apparent
cause, starts md snorts in the most
| startling manner. and. when under
way, makes frantic and repeated efforts
| to Jump the track or plunge over the
side of a bridge. And they accomplish
it frequently. us the survivors are ready
to testify.
| Then, too, tho brakes never work
right, though the brakemen don't know
anything about that, their time being
fully occupied in flirting with the girls.
Girls on an excursion are SO queer.
They would rather iiirt with some big
lurking brakeman with chapped hands
and black eve than the slickest con-
ductor that ever wore diamond pin.
Lots of the girls are that way. A natty
conductor on the Little Miami line
thought he was carrying on lively
Irritation with pretty girl, who always
signaled from cottage door in PEN
dleton as the train dashed by. He
watched for her regularly, and woul,,
have been wr,tched had he missed her
even once. What killing attitudes he
struck rs he posed on the rear plat
form and waved richly perfumed
handkerchief of blue and old gold in
response to the timid fintter of her own
delicate mouchojr. Very happy was
that conductor, and Very proud of his
supposed conquest, until one day he
discovered tn it was not him that the
fair one saluted, but the brakeman
standing behind him on the platform
for he caught him kissing his dry paw
to her. and returning her signal with
an old greasy rag which he used to pol
ish his lamp with. And this brakeman
was bow-legged, and had only one eye
1t seems almost impossible to set the
switch right when the excursion train
comes along. or keep il so when 1t is
set. There are switchmen ready Il
swear that switches unlock themselye:
and shoot the fated train onto side
track whenever any damage can be done
They have seen them do it. Draw
bridges act i'm similar way. They ar.
found open many times when no human
hands are believed to have tempered
with them. ready to swallow the entir,
excursion, which they sometimes do.
Not the least of the dangers wh:cl
threaten the excursion train is tia. oi
being run INTO, front or rear. The 10
connective of regular express train
seems to scent an excursion miles ans
miles away. 1t Immediately become
, impatient of all restraint, takes the hi
i'm its mouth, as il were, and dashe
, upon its adversary with the utmos
malignity and fury, utterly regardles
of conse luence or expense to the com
pany. lii reyels In n collision III which
it can match strength with the oppos
. ing engine; but what gives it spcs ia
delight is to creep stealthily and nm
perceived upon an innocent and unsns
: pecting excursion train stopping a
some way station to take Oh water, al.
| then, gathering speed, throttles al
open, to rush upon the rear car witt
, demoniac shrek and try how man,
cars it can walk over before its marcl
| of destruction Ii checked.
> BESIDES the above perils to which tn
= excursion train il liable. t'.ere ar
! minor ammo ances. A little late Mt th,
, depot and yon may lie com. scllel +
stand up all the way; or, il You Sc ur
. Il seat, You lave to sha e 1t with tw
I others. Tie doors aud Windows of th
car ale generally open and son ar
| nearly smoihered with dust aud hea'
} Drinking water gives ont early ia tn
| fight and il not renewed, You ar
| liable to he side-tracked for hours, 1
) Weld the road 10 the regular trains
= aud Won are often landed two or tire
! miles distant from the point yon ar
y aiming IT. Then il would not Le sni
| prising ii Won should be too late for TIL
= train 10 return. owing ~ soaf waite
: stopping, and compelled 10 walk hom
] If last. From the excursion ira 4
. good Lord, deliver us!~~fia tnnal
1 4. ggx.as al