West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1884-12-12
LOCKS AND KEYS.
Tho Total DcpraVity Of InanImatc q
tects-rhe Faculty of EluslvencSS.

| Tho Total DcpraVity of InanImate oh.
jeots-rhe Faculty of EIusIvencsS.
One of the livclicSt examples of the
total depravity of inanimate objects Is
found in the generally evil and impish
behavior of locks and keys. We donot.
TO be sure, in this country subject our
selves TO such tyranny of keys rs do
our transatlantic ncighbors. The jmg-
ling basket or bunch of keys is not with
US the indispensable accompaniment to
the housekeeper nor do we have the
tiny paddock on our silver sugarbowlS,
as is the case with certain thrifty Ger
man Baroness with thirty servants un-
der her control. We do, however, have
Keys for certain purposes that is TO
| say, we have them unless they are lost
Keys are usually lost. There is about
the very shape and material of KEYS n
| peculiar elusiveness and slippery fac
| ulty of hiding in unhcard-of places.
| The folds of gowns, the Innings of muils.
bags and pockets. the edges of rugs and
carpets, cracks in the floor and chinks
OF any and every sort, are the wcll-bc-
| loved hiding places of the slippery
| gnome called key. That devouring
| space in the back of n lounge or up-
| holstered chair is particularly dear TO
the heart of key as place of conceal
ment, and many are KEYS, big and lit
tie, which have found their Nirvana i'm
these useful depths. For the true and
holy delight of n key is undoubtedly TO
be able TO lose itself totally and hope
| lessly, and yet all the while to lie perdu
so near the outer world that it can list
en- with iiendish JOY to the agouizcd
search for itself, and shake its shoul
ders with gloe at the vanity of the
quest.
1t was the wife of the keeper of an
orthodox boarding house in the West
who was kneeling at morning family
| prayers with her head dcvoutly bent
| upon lounge, and at the instant that
her worthy husbands "amen" was pro-
nounced sprang TO her feet, exclaiming
vivaciously:
There, Mr.. Brown, there is the KEY
of the cellar door | kneO | lost Il
somewhere about this lounge"
Fancy the genuine disappointment
of that key, which had been living
| chuckling while the family sought il i'm
vain, at being thus ignominiously
brought to light, and that, too. by the
hand of the housewife, who should have
been thinking of other things than
searching the crack of a lounge
Keys, however, although usually, are
| not always lost. Sometimes one really
does keep a key and then myriad indeed
are the bewildering combinations of
veXation which can be produced by a
lock and key which are really giving
| their minds to it,
A favorite trick is for ones ordinary.
everyday lock, the lock of desk or
| drawer in constant use, TO suddenly be-
| come intractable. One can put i'm the
| key, but the lock refuses 10 turn; then
| the key refuses to come ont of the key
hole; one twists and turns and wrenchcs:
one tries "A drop of oil, soupcon of pro-
| family, all to no purpose; suddenly with
an alarming snap the key consents TO
turn in the lock; nay, more, it will keep
on turning indefinitely round and round
without the slightest effect as far rs un-
| locking Is concerned. One turns il
furiously, one pushes il in slowly, one
| tries TO draw it out with sudden Jerk.
one breaks ones nails pickingat it. At
last the key comes out with sudden
ness which sends one violently back
wards. Then the family summoned.
DO come and see if you can do any
thing with this abominablc lock It
must surely be broken"
The doubling member of the family
smiles incredulously and takes the key
| 1t fits into the kcy-hole and the lock
| gives way without n murmur
&" MOugM there was nothing the mat
ter with the kcy,' says the doubling
member, throwing an unpleasing cmpha-
| Sis on key II is quite useless TO in
sist that it did refuse to turn; nobody be-
lieves it., and the key quivers with de
| light and the lock thrills with n ioy
| known only to the successful practical
| joker.
| Again, who does not know the awful
| vagaries Of which trunk lock is capa-
| BILE? The refusal TO catch when The
| trunk is packed; the refusal TO turn
when one stands by mpatcntly waiting
the inspection Of the Government
| official.
Once more, who ever locked with
| especial caution q door or box against
some intruder that he was not himself
the first person to wish an entrance.
and invariably was without the keyP
| Batch-keys and locks. too. are sub
| iect TO the most bcwidcring changes.
| The kcybole OF q latch-kev has been
| known late at night to slip and down
/ the door with n rapidity calculated To
bewilder the brain Of the most steady
and sober-minded citizen striving to
| gain admttancc 10 his home
All these various examples, however.
Of the iniquty which is capable Of
| dwelling in locks and keys only prove
what may have been before stated, that
| an impish and tricksy soul dwells i'm
| each lock and key. and these two are
| never so truly happy al when, sepa-
| ratcly or I'm evil combination they are
able successfully to ycx frail human
being so that " every part about him
| quiyers. w. Boston COurier
a ROMANCE or TO-DAY.