The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1867-188?, 1884-08-27
HE WAS NO GLUTTON,
AND DlsLlKEp SECTIONAL APPEALS.
An Arlkansaw Patriot Who Had Had
Enough of War and Opposed the
ReyiviHcation of Military
Sentiment.
[Arkansas Traveler.1


Some time ago. at public gathering In
Webfoot County, Colonel Ladsman was
selected to Tread the Declaration Of Inde.
pendence. He had not proceeded far
when an old fellow, who had come with
a large following OF Dry Fork boys,
shouted:
sinister, whut sort o. artickle is that
you're readin'p
"The Declaration of Independence, SIR"
"Wall, now, the wars over out here In
this section, an we don't want none o. that
secesh business. fit for the South, an
shifted q good deal o. smoke an stopped
several pounds o. lead, but when l flung
down my old fuzee, 1 agreed that the
scrummige was dun. Now, mister, don't
think that you air doin' right to come out
here an read that thing to the young folks.
Lees dead an Grants busted up, they tell
me, so what's the use in all this hurrah
businessi am as good Southern man as
anybody, but l never was no glutton. I've
got enough, let me tell you"
"My dear sir" said the Colonel, sis it
possible that you do not understand this
document, a glorious emblazonment of
principles for the establishment of which
our forefathers shed their sacred blood"
"Needn't spill so much your edyca'
tion, mister, fur low that you'll need it
before you git to the end o. your row.
never toted college whitewash on the
back o. my coat, but I've got years like a
fox an eye that can tell black snake
from scorpion. That thing you've got
there is rank pizen. Amt it, Leviticusp
turning to one of the Dry Fork boys.
"Thaps whut it is," Levticus replied.
"That thing, mister, mout have been all
fur the cradles rockin' in peace an the
blue.eyed gal with the peachy jaws is
singn' a sweet song in the orchard"
"My dear FRIEND" said the Colonel, "let
me explain. Gentlemen, please keep
quiet. There is no need for excitement.
When our forefathers were oppressed by
the British Government, they threw Off
the yoke, and declared by this paper"
shaking the Declaration of Independ-
ence, "that they were free. They fought,
bled and maintained this avowal Of free
dom; and this glorious document ever
live as the greatest National structure the
world has ever known"
"Tha's all right, mister" said the man
from Dry Fork, " an is talked off n heep
pulitzer than 1 could do it, but the war is
dun over. don't see no blood round
here. Do you Leviticusp
"Ain't found none yit," Levitious re-
piled.
"No, fur It's all dried up. Now, pod.
ner," continued the advocate of peace
and the forgetiulness of war, ''put up
your warrant % arrest an talk about
something that we slosh round in every
day."
81 shall not put up this glorious paper"
saint thar no persuasionw
"No persuasion and no human force can
make me sheathe this great sword Of argu-
ment."
"Oh, well, we don't want TO have DO
trouble, but reckin yer'll put it up"
81 swear that will not"
"Oh, reckin yer will"
~ will die first"
"Oh, yes, you will. Put her up now an
come along with us boys. We've got a
iug o. the best old stuff down here you
ever seed, an"
"Old gentleman-old patriot of a school
whose session Is closed-I am with you,"
exclaimed the orator, throwing quId Of
tobacco with loud "spap on the bald
head of n tax assessor. "l was taken in
charge this morning by party Of Pro.
hibtiSnists, and have suffered much in
the flesh. Now, my dear sir, my deiverer,
lead me to the consecrated ground. The
Declaration of Independence can wait
several years longer; cannot wait five
minutes Here's to you, old patriot"
turning up the jug. "Ah-hah-hah."