The Press., 1884-02-21
AN EXPERIENCE WITH PLUMBERS.

AN EXPERIENCE WITH PLUMBERS.
 The professor lived in Queen Anne cottage, elegantly furnished, heated by steam, sanitarially plumbed and supplied with all the modern inconyeniences. There was a laundry, there were two bathrooms, hot and cold water in all the chambers, and, of course, a forty gallon bath boiler in the kitched, with the usual accompar : iments of sswater back, and sediment cock" 'ssxpansion pipe, "non-explosive diaphragm" !" and all the intricate and ex- pensive rigging that makes cup of hot water at all hours of the day or night such conclusive evidence of high-toned living. It was an "extra heavy, domed and rivet- edn npiece of copper furniture, standing on one leg, like a plump and unsesthctic stork, in the chimney corner. It was sub- ject, occasionally, to internal snaps and gurgles, as if something disturbed it's con- science or digestion, which noises at first cansed Mrs. Professor no little alarm, but she soon learned that they were not pre- monitory symptoms of explosion, and took unalloyed satisfaction iI the air of social dignity that is imparted to kitchen by a ssdomed and riveted copper bath boiler. g Neither was the professor man to be in- different to anything relating to social and domestic affairs, and while sharing his wifes pride in the perfection of the plumb ing arrangements, he realized more fully than she the enormous expense at which such b 'essings are obtained and the eter- nal vigilance which is the price of their preservation.
 One morning . message came from the kitchen that there was flake in the biler, :" and on investigation pool of hot water was found slowly enlarging its borders on the kitched floor The professor looked at the boiler and his wife looked at him.
 ssDo you think its going to burst ?''
 "Worse than that /; it leaks.''
 ssBut can't we have it mended?'' .-r. 'sOf course, we can build new house !; but think of the expense and the trouble The whole affair must be taken down, the range fire must be put out, the tank emp tied, the water back taken to pieces, the water drawn out of the pipes, and nobody knows how long it will take.'' ....... ESs Must 1t be done right off ?'
 Certainly, or all the plumbing in the house may be ruined"
 ''Oh, dear and I was going to have 8 dinner party tomorrow. Invitations all out, and most of them accepted"
 sfCan't help it. Its entirely out of the question. will send immediately for the plumbers, but it isn't likely they can come for day or two. must be at home when they do come, and so must you, to look after things, for you know some of the pipes run up through the closets"
 So Mrs. Professor sent out second invi- tations requesting her expected guests to stay at home, and the professor went down to the city to make an appointment with the plumbers. Towards night, however, it was discovered that the signs of disorder had entirely ceased, and the next morning, as the boiler gave no evidence of indispo- sition, he hastened again to the plumbers to countermand the order. By noon, alas, the symptoms again appeared This time the cook proved equal to the emergency By setting pudding dish under the boiler, "a simple and easy relief it the water had dropped straight down, instead of which it clung to the iron leg and then meander- ed across the floor till it was arrested by the dish cloth !, f- --1 FS- z .'"t..It
 Now it is well known that familiarity with danger breeds contempt, also, that we soon become indifferent to annoya1 ce that seemed at first uncomfortable so, after 8 few days, it appeared easier to bear the ills that went no farther than the kitchen floor than fly again to the plumber And the weeks went by, the hot water still leak ing and dr1zzling from the polished cyln- der, sometimes caught, sometimes Stepped up, but oftener tracked about the room, until Mrs. Professors friends were again summoned to dinner-summoned and gathered together. In the brief calm in- tervening between the grace and the soup, a suppressed scream was heard from the cook, followed by the crash of falling crockery and s'swash' as of the break ing forth of many waters. The cause was simple. The boiler had not burst, oh, no but the cook in her anxiety and haste had forgotten the leaking boiler, neglected the ministrations of the dish cloth, laid aside her sandals to facilitate locomotion, and had suddenly placed her weary, wander ing feet in 8 pool of scalding water. Not even stoic could maintain his grip upon tureen of soup under such circumstances. The result was the ruin of the dinner party, for how can one dine without soup ?
 That very afternoon the professor left an order for the plumbers to come at the earliest possible moment, but to send him l word without fail the night before. Re l ceiving no word and feeling the need of 1 some quiet diversion, he went to Spring | field the pext morning to see circus and | menagerie. Half an hour after his de- parture the plumbers came, soldering iron, coal scuttle, monkey wrench, putty and all. When the professor reached home, rather late at night and somewhat the worse for seeing so many wild animals, his wife met him at the door,
 ''The plumbers have been here.''
 'You don't say so Have they got through ?'' NY Eg<E
 "Yes."
 Everything all done and put in order ?"
 'sYes.'
 'Did you pay them?" ..-r eNo.''' f~s@;- "Why not p
 "They wouldn't take any pay"
 'sWouldn't take asy pay p ''No. They said 'twasn't worth any thing"
 "How long were they here ?''
 ''About five minutes
 s'What did they do?''
 'sThey turned screw. -The Builder.
 
 A YOUNG WIFEs GREATEST TRIAL-The greatest trial of young wife's life is the birth of 8 child, which is usually attended with many hours of hard labor and intense pain. PAINLESS CHILDBIRTH, a new book, by Dr. J. H. Dye, one of New York's most eminent physicians, however, shows that pain is not in childbirth. but results from