St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1884-03-16
HUMOROUS.

1t is said that the peculiar sunsets are
caused by the sun trying to set by the new
standard time marlborough News.
Impoverished persons desiring to commit
suicide can now rejoice. Cucumbers are
quoted at only fifty cents apiece.-Life.
Maud-Did you enjoy your holiday at the
Blinkfords'? Augustus suppose did, as
I've had violent indigestion ever since!-
Funny Folks.
A poem in an exchange is entitled Some
body Passes.n Somebody evidently held
only two small trumps and poor side cards.
Norristown Herald
1t is now believed that Courtney is the
author of that beautiful elegiac poem begin
ming, "Affiction's oar long time he bore. ="
Burlington Hawkeye.
The other day while Vermont woman
was frying doughnuts one of them exploded
Her husband merely observed that he was
glad, on the whole, ithappened before he
had eaten the thing.-Boston Post.
Stable keeper-''By the way, shall put in
an extra buffalo?" English Blood-'Could-
MT you let me ave an 'orse, you knows Ell
-er-rather not drive buffalo first time,
you know. Exchange.
| 'Debutante' asks: 'fWhat is the best cos
tune for ball?'' That depends. fishball
looks best in brown, with pork cut bias, and
a baseball costume of flannel shirt, trousers
and spiked shoes is hardly the thing for
lady.-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
eyes, he said, ''Brushandchisel will have
lasting renown as an artist. You see, by Ju-
dicious management he has made quite
reputation now all his works have been lost
in a fire he'll have the reputation without the
works to interfere with it."-Boston Post.
Subscriber wants to know how DR..
Holmes came to be called the "autocrat OF
the breakfast table" 1t is because that is
the easiest position to assume in boarding
house. Were he the autocrat of the dinner
table he would have to carye.-Lowen Citi-
zen.
eyes," said the young clergyman, 81 have
always said to myself would marry that girl
if could, and now am going to do it. But
it is to another fellow she is to be welded, l
am sorry to say. The only consolation get
out of the affair will be the fee. '-Lowell
| Citizen.
A young man who has been going with a
| Vermont girl for some time, and had made
her several presents, asked her one day If
she would accept q puppy He was awful
mad when she replied that her mother had
told her if he proposed to her to say no.
Burlington Free Press.
Poetry is the blossom and fragrance of all
hnman knowledge, human thoughts, human
passions, emotions and language.-Yonkers
Gazette. 1t is frequently also the delicate,
snow-white lining that fringes the wagering
willow work of the journalistic waste basket.
-Williamsport Breakfast Table.
An unfortunate wife was killed at Troy, N.
Y, while cooking her husbands breakfast in
fearful manner.-New York Times. There
are a great many women all over this free
land of ours who cook their husbands break
fast Gin fearful MANNER" but it is not
often that justice overtakes them, as it seems
to have done in this case.-Texas Siftings.
Who knows? Some day, after it gets to a
more perfect stage of evolution and develop
ment, the lollipop man may grow lead in his
head, and the world can utilize its dudes for
lead pencils. AS there is nothing in the
dudes head now, there is plenty of room for
the lead and hence this theory is all the
more plausible. Time will ten.-Williams-
port Breakfast Table.
A Concord school-of-philosophy sort of a
| fellow advises: s'When you read book,
crush the words as you would grapes, and
suck their meaning out" The advice may
be good, but when you tackle Walt. Whit
mans poems, you might crush and crush
and suck and suck, without getting enough
meaning to construct triolet, and besides
there would be danger of getting an eight
cornered word stuck crosswise in your throat.
The Judge.
Customer-'What do you charge for that
ham," Butcher-"That is not for sale. It
is only for sign. 1t is made of wood. Z"
Customer-''How long has it been hanging
THEREOF Butcher-'About ten years" Gus
tomer-''Must be pretty well favored by this
time?" Butcher-Flavoredr Customer
eyes. What will you take for it9" Butcher
-'sIt only cost half dollar and you can
have it for that if you prefer an old one to a
new one. There are plenty more at the
planning mill where I got this" Customer
''Well, will take it If you will saw it into
slices'' Butcher-''Into slices! Great ST.
Abattoir What do you want it into slices
for?" Custonier-.'I am manufacturer of
railway restaurant sandwiches. ''-Philadel-
phia Call.
The Tcitthyoyogists Pussted.