Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-01-09
PLEASANTRIES.

MY son, which would you rather
nave, big heart or a big brain 2" The
doughnut.
IHE Washington Hatchet announces
that prose and verse will be paid for at
the regular rates, and that ''the rate for
verse is death. :"
" All, remarked Fogg, as he gazed
bashfulIy at the ballet girls, "now I
understand the full significance of the
passage, 'The body is more than raj
ment. ,"
"CAw cawl" screamed a blarsted
Brltlsher, waving his umbrella at Mar
ket Street dummy the other day. sect
IN you crow" said the conductor. The
man was raven.--S'am Francisco Post.
A MEDICAL writer says that girls are so
constructed that they cannot Jump. If
he is respectable young man let him
propose matrimony to one of the girls
and he'll soon see her jump = at the
offer.
"WH1sKY is your greatest enemy"
"But, said Jones, 9 didn't the Bible
say, Mr.. Preacher, that we are to love
our enemies ?" "Oh, yes, Jones; but
it didn't say that Wa are to swallow
them"
SHE-I am fond of poetry. He-Are
you indeed? So am I. Do you like
Burns ? She-No, indeed; they are so
EXPRESSING. But, then, l am not troubled
much with them, as ma does all the
cooking.
MADAME, does smoking trouble
you ?" "Oh, yes, monsieur; not ordi-
narily, but to-day" "Ah, madame"
in very sympathetic tone, chow much
you are about to sufferP' Smokes
French Fan.
HE young man who prOfusely
thanked his g best girl y for beautiful
crushed strawberry penwIper, presented
to him on his birthday, still continues
the good old style of using his coat
sleeve for pen-cleaner.
''SHE great artistY contemptuously
CALCULATED a prima donna. "Why,
there was no brass band on the tug boat
that went down the harbor to meet her,
and she wasn't even interviewed. And
she thinks she can singh
GATH probably wrote: " Women were
not the earliest dancers in Rome" The
types make him say: !" Women were not
the earliest dangers in Rome. :" Which
shows that the types are not up in Rom
an history. Boston Globe.
A PHILADELPHIA street car has a reg
istering turnstile at the door. It kills
the driver 70 have a newsboy jump in to
sell papers, and jump out without pay
ing. fare. The company takes every
jump out of the drivers wages.
A PAIR of stockings has been discover
ed in Egypt which was made over 1000
years ago, says an exchange. AS stock
ings were not made in Egypt 2, 900 years
ago, this seems to be quite remarkable
discovery. " hjladelph5o can.
An advertisement in Swiss paper
says: WANTED, servant who knows
how to cook and take care of children"
In the Cannibal Islands domestic pos
sessed of such double gift would not
long remain without employment.
A New YORK variety actress wore a
string of cranberries around her neck,
and critic next morning referred to her
magnificent coral necklace" If the
critic had got GO mashed on her he would
probably have learned the difference.
MERITED rebuke: First amateur (af-
ter soprano tornado)-'E Thank good
ness! That's over! Regular screetch
owl, isn't she ?" Second amateur -
"You idiot! That's just all you know
about it. Why, her fathers worth tril-
lions!'
"No," said Mr.. Grinnell, st can't
understand it. Snagg's wife is dead,
but he don't seem to show the least sign
of grief; and yet he'll have to get up and
build his own fires and split his wood
now, and I can't understand his heart
lessness."
DENTIST The man who wins that
girl will get treasure" Customer
'She looks like a very charming crea-
ture, that is fact. Is she wealthy ?"
Dentist Wealthy! Well, 7 should say
SO. She has $500 worth of gold in her
teeth alone"
The Detroit Free Press wants the
Michigan legislature to enact a law
making train robbery something more
serious than horse-stealipg. AS they
hang people out west for horse stealing
we don't believe it can be done.-Phil0-
dele0h6a Call.
A BIG box out on the sidewalk of one
of our principal streets attracted good
deal of attention the other day. 1t was
marked ''Twenty gals" and the boys
wanted to break it open and see whether
it was travelling female seminary or re-
freshments for the crowd.
ONE of the robbers killed at Shelby,
o., leaves a wife who is described as
''very beautiful and having the carriage
of lady of culture" The lady of cul-
ture from whom that carriage was stolen
should come forward and regain her pro-
perty.-Pb6LGdelohiG Cali.
A RURAL resident who thinks it does
not pay to take newspaper was offered
a SIS sheet of thfee- cent stamps the 9th
er day for 81 IS and jumped at the
chance to make quarter. He has the
stamps yet, and viii be likely to keep
them, as two-centers are more popular
Just Philadelphia Gail.
TEST of affection: A lady poet asks.
!" How can I tell him I love HIM no
more?" Probably the best way is to
get him into an ice-cream saloon. Eat