davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Red Cloud chief., 1884-05-02
HUMOROUS

"A happy medium"-one who
makes money in the clairvoy2nt bust.
ness.--2he Dial.
IAN that the pillar of Hercules:?"
she said. adjusting her silver spectacles.
Gracious. what's the rest of his bed
clothes like. l wonders"
1t is q sir-prize the girls are after
this year. But the men are growing
cautious and are not to be M ss-taken
thus easily.-IndidmapOlis Scissors.
Ladies are said to lie working their
way into the watch business, because
they produce handsOmer faces and
more delicate hands han men.--N. l..
Ledyer.
"A young and briefeSs lawyer who
calls upon his lady acquaintance a good
deal in the evenings, deceives his father
with the story that he had a great deal
of court practice.-N. \. Commercial
-AdUertSer.
james, who was trying to sew \
new button on his coat. murmured:
"They say there's a new yacht that
makes fifteen miles an hour. but this
thread makes twenty knots a minute"
-Frnnhford Herald.
"A lady in Toronto got to laughing
so hard over some amusing incident that
she couldn't stop. Finally q doctor Wa
called in. and he couldn't quiet her.
As a last resort some one had to tell
her that her back hair was coming
dOwn.--LOweH Citizen.
An engaged couple having appeared
Cnynro1 fin,ns hafnyo q <.lc,rv.p,nn 10 nm
married. who on each occasion declined
to perform the ceremony because the
groom was invariably drunk, at last
areproved the girl for bringing her lover
before him in such a condition. where
upon she burst into tears and said:
But, sir. he won't come when he's
sobern!"-EIchdnqe.
= -''Waitaw. l will WEAKLY have to we
move to anOthaw table. There appeaws
ito be a terwible dwaft heaw." '.Tain'r
mo draft heah. no how. MIR. La Dude.
Dab amt no win tall 'cept what dat
tyer lady am maxim wild her fan"
Jaw. that's it. l knew there was a
dwaft. 1t nearly blew me away.
'Weally, now. couldn't you ask her to
stop?"-- Micaao Herald.
lis there a dude club in this city?"
asked q stranger. entering the editorial
''There is" returned the editor,
as he produced a toothpick from his
pocket and laid it on the roll-to desk:
''that's it. and the first dude that shows
his head in this Office will be Drained
with it." With a deep sigh the
stranger turned and disappeared.
iSomerU,Ae Journal
-"Sister." said a little boy. rushing
into the parlor. where she was enter.
pertaining young Mr.. Smith. will you
come into the hall q minute? l want
to speak to you" 81 can not now,
dear. Don't you see that 1 am engaged
with Mr.. Smith? What is it you want
Jimmy White is out in the hall. and
he says he won't believe it un' ess YOU
tell him so YOURSELF" what is it that
Jimmy White won't believe. dear?:"
asked the sister. sweetly. .'That yos
ate thirty.five pancakes this morning
dor breakfast" -Raitadelphia Cal.
The Red Cloud chief., 1884-05-02
Cool.

please. sir. can't you give me An old
cOate" as Ned q mend,cant of a wealthy
merchant. As the mend cant had for.
mcrly been the servant of the merchant,
the latter said:
go over to the clothing store, and
a,ick yourself ont a twelve-dOllar suit,
and I'll come and pay for it.
The meudicant did as he was told.
Taking the clothing store man to one
side. he said to him:
Thai OLD duffer sent me over to p,ch
ont a suit OF clothes. Now. | want on
to let me have my comm :s>iOn. so /. too.
Will make something by this Little
trads."-1e-aS Sutiuys.
The Red Cloud chief., 1884-05-02
The scene of the wreck of the Dan

The scene of the wreck of the Dan.
iel Steinmann, off Sambro, on the Nova
Scotian coast, is a memc rable one. All
along this iron-bound and rocky coast
innumerable vessels have been lost.
The greatest calamity, however, on rec
cord in this vic nifty is the loss of the
White Star STEAMER Atlantic on Mea9h-
er's Rock, near Cape Prospect. twenty
two mile> west of Halifax. in this
W eek. which occurred on March 81.
1873, 800 lives were lost out of a total
of y7S.
The Red Cloud chief., 1884-05-02
ill.,
=
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GRATIFYING success has attended the
recent movement for Temperance re-
form in New jersey. thorough the eff
forts of MessrS. Maybee and English,
assisted by many ministers and others.
great hunters have been induced to
abandon the use of intoxicating liquors.
and public sentiment is daily gr'wing
stronger in opposition to the traffic in
ardent spirits. In some of the towns
where the work has been undertaken
the grog-shops are suffering Tor LAX OF
patronage. Moral suas.on Is the weap-
on employed against tem. and il
seems 10 be proving more effective than
legal measures
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
Wonderful Self Denial.

lChicago Sunday relegram.l
 "Hurrah, The rumor is entirely un- founded" wildly exclaimed prominen, member of South Side church.
 What rumorT' inquired an acquain- tance.
 It's canard."
 "What is?'
 ' It's roorbackr'
 "Are you crazy! What in the world are you talking aboutT'
 "Abou, Rev. -"
 "What about him P
 He's no freak.'
 "Who said he was?'
 The dime museums don't get him after all"
 "Dime museums ?'
 "Yes, you know it was rumored on the street all day yesterday that his wonder ful exhibition of self-denial had attracted the attention of prominent theatrical managers and that he had closed an en- gagemert at Si 900 a week"
 "Sen-denial 2"
 "Yes, heroic fortitude under the mos, trying circumstances"
 In what r'
 In what? Why bless yorr poor ignorant soul don't you know he has been timed and closely watched ever since the election, and he has never once preached 3 political campaign sermon on the issues of the hour, But he de- clines all offers from the managers, jus, the same"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
A Wicked Ghost.
ICincinnati Enouirer.l


 For several days past the city of Dela- ware, Ohio, has been considerably worked up over a so-called spiritual manifestation which has been presenting itself at the residence of some of our best citizens. The house where the spirit presented itself is two-story frame house on Spring street, and is occupied by the families of Dr. Main and Mir. Tom Ciickard. The peighborhood is one of the best in our city. The families who occupy the house are among the best in this place, and up to the time of this demonstration had been most decidedly skeptical on the question of spiritualism.
 The so-called ghost has been troubling them for several weeks, but they have kept quiet on the subject, fearing that the public would scoff at them and set them down for cranks Several friends, how ever, having called, and the voice having talked to them from the walls, and hav- ing excited their curiosity, the matter has finally leaked out, and the neighborhood has become greatly worked up over the matter.
 An En9Niyey representative visited the house for the purpose of investigating the affair, and during a stay of half an hour, despite repeated solicitations, was unable to get but one reply from the spirits. Alter several solicitations the spirit finally replied, "I am here, in a coarse, masculine voice At the time there were only ladies present, and as there was no cellar in the house DO one could have been concealed. A thorough search failed to reveal the source from which it came. The reporters were un- able to get further replies from the spirit, but reliable parties state the voice has said that it died fifty eight years ago, and is now in hell The voice is very profane, and says that although he is an imp of the devil his parents were good people and are now in heaven. He claims that some S2o ooo are buried under the house which is now on the site, although he says when he died it was occupied by a log-cabin.
 The parties who occupy the house are greatly excited over the affair, and say they are unable to rest any time at all or to do any of their work, for as soon as they do so the spirits Set up rapping and use the most profane language ever heard. An investigation will be imme- diately set on foot to ascertain whether the causes are supernatural or otherwise.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
Ogles,ein Gets Mad.
((hrouEh Afail.l

Oglestein's second hand store was the scene of row the other morning. Her man, Oglesteins clerk, was seized with an irresistible longing to have some fun. and presented to his employer loaded cigar. which he proceeded to smoke with great satisfa ction.
 Herman, dot vas a very fine cigar he remarked.
 4, aw, dot vas very goot. Ogles,ein. He vas ghost me more as tswi cent"
 50 Herman he vas yousd so goot hge he vas gosht a nigel. l vas lige him very well, und belief vas poughd a whole pox init him, und you WIS sit around und schmeu der smoge vile vas mage him."
 sOglestein, you vas von tam hogs. dreat yon init der cigar, und den you vas gone und done lige dot. Aind you ashamed oaf me, now? You vas SO planned stinchy, belief lige you vas shseal der pung holes oud init von peer kegs"
 The cigar exploded, burning off Ogle- steins moustache, and backing his face. :. Mine Gott mi, himmei in p Herman cried, in veil feigned astonishment. "i vas not peen surbriscd you vas schmoke von oaf does O Donovan Rossa cigars, init tynamide blod in"
 ;" Oh, Herman, Herman l vas peen killed like eaferydings," cried Oglestein
 "Yaw, do, vas so, Oglestein. Your nose vas oxbloated off. und dose eyes vas caved in, und dot mout vas scattered all oafer your face Py shimminy Christ mas :! pellet dose prains vas peen plowed oud eef he vas at home p
 Herman, you vas von pase deceiver."
 You vas pesse- poughd von whole pox init dose cigars, Oglessein, und smoge him vile vas smell der smoke.n
 Herman" cried Oslestein, enraged !; "You vas liar urd a tiet, und a high vay ropper und gruei murtererl iv.s yousd spank you init der bavements. und geek you init hoe-hantle," and Ogle- stein pounded Herman almost to death, and tore his clothes off and put them in the rag-bag.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
Our Telephone Girl,

l6loomington Through Mail
 TheNtelephone girl was just as happy as big sunaewer when somebody rang her up. She had been singing Sweet Violets," and halfthe people living on that floor had gone mad, and the other half had gone for a policeman. As the num- Der on the key board was exposed with a click, she gave two or three snorts of wild defiance and tackled the receiver.
 Hello ]" she snapped, after ringing a reply.
 Hello, central station"
 Well, what do you want ?"
 "I want Bullcamp's grocery" ~" We'll, you'll have to see Mir. Buil- camp about that. l don't propose to give away the property of other people"
 "Oh, l want to talk to Bullcamp by telephone"
 "Oh, welll That is different Here he is"
 Hello, MT. Bullcamp."
 "Hello!"
 "This is Mrs. Morris, All Siviter street."
 Well, what can I do for you, Mrs. Morris!"
 what alls those prunes you sent down this morning?"
 "John," said Mir. Bullcamp. "Mrs. Morris is kicking about the prunes you took down there this morning. What was the matter with themg'
 Here the sinful girl switc he'd on young man who serves as business manager of a poultry yard, and was reporting its con- dition to his employer al the time, and the reply Mrs Morris received, suppos- ing it came from John, was the reply the poultryman made to a question concern ing an increase of stock, which reply ran as follows:
 "Oh, there ain't much out O. the usual course The old hen that has been sitting in the barrel for a week past, has seven little chicks this morning, but the rest of her eggs which were spoiled have been broken and"
 Here the telephone girl restored the connection with Bullcamp, who said:
 "Oh, there's nothing wrong with them, madame They are all right"
 Well, you send down and get them right away, and send the money back, too. When want groceries hereafter, I'll buy them somewhere else" Then the miserable girl actually smiled aloud.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

ledge deSzat With a grin, and smile through the hginy mists of disappoins- ment will be panacea, a balm of sooth- ing powers to heal the scars after the smoke of the great battle shah have passed. But, to hang on with bulldog tenacity to the bone of contention when the other canine has got the knob-end between his teeth, is to my mind but the serious manifestation ef childish irn- beciiity. am wiling to allow the great defe&ied all possible doubts; but l am grieved to see that the great American press has gone out ofits beaten thorough fare, simply to strew tafy :n the way of the great disappointed. Taffy is good, but sour tafy is a mighty unwholesome mess to swallow when a lump of cry gushes up from the fountain of zoe. To come down in graceful manner is likened unto the great virtues man should learn from the pages of holy writ. In that good book we learn that some soarer served many years to get help meet to wash his mince pies, comb his butter and strain his hash and-he didn't get her after all But he got some one else who could darn his Jewish toga beautifully, and spank the scions of the New Jerusalem with the sandals in the prescribed modus operandi. Let the great soarer take lessons after this man, who knew how to come down gracefully. Lifs hath other charms than seat in the White House domestic circle. To write book is a great thing; but to water the chapter of the writer's political extinction is-well, I'll not tell you how it is until see how ably he handles the subject and how gracefully he comes down.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
The UppardonAble Sin.
fTexas Sifings.1

On All Hallow Eve, a man named Powers, took advantage of the general hi!arity and the time-honored custom. to belabor an old woman, seventy-six years of age, on Madison avenue, N. Y, with a bag of -four. Her cries attracted the at tention of a policeman, and Powers was locked up.
 He was tried next day for assault. The old woman was determined that the law should take its course, and refused to have the case dismissed.
 Do you feel any bad effect from the blow ?" asked the prisoners lawyer.
 None at all.' was the reply.
 " Did the flour injure your cio,hes@ p
 "No."
 "l am satisfied, madame, that the prisoner did not intend 10 injure you. Your clothes suffered no damages, and he apologized as soon as he saw you were angry, 90 think you should consent to have the case dismissed"
 "NeveT. When he hit me with the bag of flour he said: Hello, old gal P"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

but finding that ths habit was gsowing on him. abandoned if. and has been a tees0- talex ever since. He has chewed tobacco for sixty years. and does not think 1t huTts ksrn.n He does not know when he was born, as the family record was lost long ago but putting this and that to- gether, it is made out that he first saw the light in the year I766 in Randolph
 county, North Carolina, moved vish his father to Kentucky at an early day. and came from that state to Missouri in I83o. he has been married twice, and had six teen children, twelve cf whom are living.
 He has r5o direct descendants, children, grand-chiidreu, and great-grand-children.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
Coming Down Gracefully.
HI. s. Keller, in Workers .Gaze,te.

HI. s. Keller, in Workers .Gaze,te.l
 My dear boy, one of the cardinal ac- quirements of essential accomplishments IS to know how to come down gracefully. It is one of the easiest things in the world to rise from the slough of bitter de spondency and soar to heights which are more or less abbreviated, as some of us have learned to our sorrow. admire a graceful soarer just worship a soarer who knows how to Hap his wings, drop his tail and come down gracefully. The upon the ragged edge-yea, all of us, from the golden sands of California to the rock-sound coast of Maine, from the magnolia groves of the sunny south 10 the pine gum regions e( Miehigan-has proved in indehble figures that some folks are great soaxers but mighty poor shucks as down eomeIs- To aekaow-
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

Death Itis the great blessing of all. The door that opens to life. Its swing ing is as welcome as the dawn. It is the pulsation of Gods providence as it ushers us into our homes. 1t is care, love, afiec- ton, opportunity for all who pass on, and the only mourning there is in eur heart is for those who are left to buffet and ad- vance as best they can till the blessed angels whisper and beckon us on to the groups who with bright eyes and sweet music and generous welcome will tel us that they have waited for us Co come and to enter the golden gleamland that is just over the river and beyond the shores oi llfe's Saturday night.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
SALT RHEuM
And Every Species ot Itching and Burning Diseases
 Positively Cured.

UCZEMA, or Salt Rheum. with its axonixtng itch- N ing and burning, instantly relieved by a warm
 bath wiih CUTIcCRA SOAP, and . single apph- cation Of CCTICCRA. the great Skin Cure. This re- peated daily, with two or three doses Of CrTIcURA REsoLyKST, the New Flood Purifier, to keep the blood cool the precipitation pure and unrritating, the bowels open, the liver and huneys active, will speedily cure Eczema, Tetter, RingwOrm. PsoriAGis Lichen Prrritus, Scaled Head, DsndruE. and every species of Itching. Scaiy, and Pimply Humors ot the Scalp and Skin, when the best physicians and all known remedies fail.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
The ores, we,.-End Bus cOmpa,

The Great West-End Bus Company.
 Mir. s. Child, Manager of the West End Bus Company, Auckland, New Zealand, states in the Daily HeyaLd ct that city, as follows: We have much pleasure in bearing testimony to the ef- 6cacy of St Jacobs Oil. It's success has been particularly marked in one case of lameness. that of very valuable horse suffering from severe sprain of the back sinews, so severe as to defy the usual remedies. Other remedies having failed, we were induced to try St Jacobs Oil and after using 1t for a iew days, the lame ness, which was almost chronic, entirely disappeared. and the horse has since stood constant work We have also used the Oil most successfully for bruises. It is a remedy that shsuld be at hand in every stable
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
A Missouri Me,huseiah.
fSt. Louis Repuh.icaa.l

Macon county, Missouri, can boast a man who was eighteen years old when Sir Moses Mon;ehore was boru-and has not been given a celebration either. His name is Robert Gibson. He lives with his son, two miles southeast of College Mound, and is described as s rather small of size, can get about the house and go out iu the yard, sit at the table and ca. vitho help.7 He was not a soldier in the war of IsI2-beiug too old to perform military duty at the time. He drank a good deal of whisky. in bis early days,
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
From the Reverend Clergy.

Among the many ministers of the gos- pei, who have been helped by Browns Iron Bitters, the Rev. E. A. Spring, Cory don, Iowa, says, ased 1t for general ill., health and found it a great help" Rev. Jas. McCarty, Fort Stevenson, Dakota, says, " It cured me of severe dyspepsia and increased my weight tw.nty-6ve pounds The Rev. MT. Offey, New Bern, N. C., says he has taken it, and considers it one of the best medicines known. The Rev. Mir. Whitney, Hing ham, Wis, says, After long sickness from lung fever, used Browns Iron Bitters and gained strength So through out the States with hundreds and hum
 dreds of other clergymen.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

win MeD0n@ld. zsk3 Dearborn St.. Chicago, gratefully acknowledges a cure Of Salt Rheum. on head neck, face, and legs for seventeen years ene Is.r no, .hle t. keln htraselS for ,Sht tried hundreds of remedies; doctors pronounced REsoLvKST (blood puriner) internally. and CUTI- cCRA snd CUTIcURA SOAP (the great skin cures) externally.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
Two of q Kind.
lcolumsus Bobemiaa-1

tColembus Bohcmiaal ~Wsil, thought fl was going just as it did" .Ah, ]. did you2 So did I.n = Indeed what made you think so P "Oa, l dunno why did your swell. dunno either" "Good-day" Goodbye"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

Mr. John Thiel, wnkesbsrre, Pa wr1tes:- I have suffered from Salt Rheum for over eight years at times bad that could not attend to my business for weeks &f time. Three boxes of CrTi- CURA, and four bottles RRsoLvKNT, have entirely cured me of this dreadful disease.
 Sold by all druggists. Price: CCrIcCRA, g cents: RESoLyENT. 8l.oD: SOAP. $ cents. PoTTKR DRCG AND CHEMICAL Co.,. Boston, Mass.
 Send fer AHow te Cure Skin Diseaaes.''
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

The hard drinker generally gets ahead in the world B0sk0a Sk1r.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

~TTTT CURA SOAP. An Exquisite Toilet Oo l l Bath, and Nursery SanAtiTe.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

F. H. Drake, EsQ.. Detroit, Mich, suffered untold tortures rom salt Rbeum, which appeared on his hands. head and face, and nearly destroyed his eyes.-Ater the most c1refui factoring and consultation Of physicians failed to relieve him. used the CCrTCCRA REAKDIEs, and was cared and has remained so to date.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

.Eirts are like hddles-n0, good xith- out the beaux.-W Waksylro OSseyveY.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06
CAPITAL PRIZE, S15O, ,OOO

"Wf d0 Aeya9y eeytJfy nhas ne sabs~. vfse hts Grya9geEeNEs foy all hke Moa61- y GHd tSesxs-ASRHGI D19avfxgy ef zzs LoaGiGMG SEGk LOEkEyy Comf0ay, nn6 is persOS sSGaags aHd eoHfvai kks D1esv- ingS hhexselves, aud fAaf kks saazs ars eOSdsetAd sbTkA Aonesty, fafyners, asd is good (aikA EO'rGrd all fayhes, aa6 sps aEfAOrfse EA< Con1pGny 0 Hss Akis eeyHif- feaE', aTfA Jac-sfSsi2<J of Osr Sig&Ghs1as 0kfocAed, fs f6 adveyhsereaks."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06

CAes. HOughtO1, Esq, lawyer. 8 State Street Boston, reports case of Salt Rheum eDder his observation for ten years, which covered the patients body and imbs and to which all known me bods of treatment had been applied without ben cit, which was completely cured solely by :he CU- TICCRA RKMEDIEs, leaving . clean and he2fthY skin
The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-12-06


 T have a letter every week from my mother. She believes that am innocent. know that am innocent, and thus at rest within, and blessed with true heart without, why should not be happy? Life is but chapter of expenence. An innocent man in prison is happier than a bad man out. The opinion of the world amounts to little in comparison of our opinion of ourselves"
 The prisoner talked to us of his mothers love. He wept from the full ness of comfort as he told of the faith the mother had in her boy. Then he showed us letters from an uncle, from an aunt. from loved cousin who had djsowned him al the hrst report of his guilt, with out waiting to know the truth, or to com pEehend how men may be revenged as they have been from the days of Abel, of Christ, of all who have made enemies.
 BoyA girls s-there is no such uGsel6sh love as that of a mother, that is. of & good mother. No heaven on earth like that within her arms. No one who so quickly steps to do favor, SO tardy in believing Il, and therefore no -saeh heaven and heavenly on earth as mothex.ss
 Poor child, to those who have lost a mother. Angels in heaven are all of love all of motherhood. and when to their home eternal and to its means to leaIn and to expand, then begins our true life and sweetest happiness.
Cheyenne transporter. [volume] (Darlington, Indian Terr.) 1879-1886, 1884-04-13

some cattle with hnartcrOss ON left side.
Horse brand heart ross ON left shoulder.