Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-07-23

AM bought red COW fer S1S. Quite
a likely ole COW she wer, an wer sed
ter be a good mixer. Well, Fred he
bought ther COW home an turned her
inter Hitchcock's paster. He uset ter
90 down an salt her wonct in awhile,
an one AFTERNOON he went down, an
begosh, ther ole COW he'd leetle roam
caff. 1t were very peart caff, too,
an butted Fred the fust thing. He
wuz much tickled, an went back
home ter tell his wife ez how ther ole
COW he'd a roam caff. That evenin'
they both went ter milk ther cow, ez
she wuz a great mixer an Civ more'n
ther caff cud drink. When they got
ter ther paster thar wuz ther ole COW
but ther caff she he'd with her wuz a
red an white one. Missus Beach she
LATED an sed: Fred, l reckon yer
a putty good jedge NV thur euler "a
caff'; ! thot yer sed that twuz roam
cah. ''. rtuoom5i ~
"I'm burned eff it wuzn't roam
caff when l seed it fust,' said Fred, q
scratchin' his head an lookin' troubled.
"See here, Fred, sed Missus Beach,
suddent an sharp like, 'hev yer got
'em agin? 'a2 ifc''H
Erred wuzn't much surprised, ez a
feller'd naturally suppose he wud be,
fer he'd bean drinkin' putty hevy NV
late, an wuz thinkin' Nv it himself
He just sed, 4 reckon, kind NV meek
like, an sot down ter milk ther COW.
Nothin' wuz sed durin' ther milkin'
but both NV 'em KEEP a lookin' kind
NV anxious at ther caff, ez eff they wuz
expectin' it ter change euler. When
Fred got thru milkin' he tux a long
look at ther caff, hove a big sigh an
sed: well, Mary, I'll come down
here an do ther milkin' termorrew
mornin' an eff that burned caff
changes euler agin, I'll 60 ter bed an
send fer Doc Marcy ~
Erred an his wife ct supper mighty
solem that night, an Fred didn't take
his appetizer ez usual. He moped
aroun' town that night, sayin' nothin'
ter nobody, an refused a very choice
slug NV liker which ole Dan Hitch
cock offered him. Next mornin' he
went ter ther paster mighty narvus,
an when he clim ther fence an look
ed over at ther ole COW, burned ef
ther caf wuzn't roam agin. ys,
"That settled it. He wuz so shaky
an scarf while he wuz milkin' that he
cudn't git ther strippins an lost all
ther cream. When he got home he
shucked his duds an went ter bed,
without sayin' word to his wife.
She knowed what wuz up, fer she had
tended him many time when he wuz
ther same way. She went ter .ther
butcher shop an got some ice, an
called Doc Marcy on her way home.
Doc he sed it was mild form an
wudn't last long, but Fred he looked
powerful bad. An long in ther ar
ternoon his mind begin ter wander,
an he laid thar an mumbled 'roan an
red an white an red an white an
roam, all AFTERNOON. ft ~
"In ther evenin' ther COW cum up
herself ter ther house, an Fred heard
ther caff bawl, an he rolled over an
looked outen ther windew, an ther
caf wuz red an white ,agin. An
then he shut his eyes an shuddered
kinder. an called his wife fer another
drink rv ice water. An SO ther ole
COW kept acomin' up nights an every
uther time ther caff wud be roam, and
every uther time it wud be red an
white an every time Fred he wud
look outen ther winder an see it,
an then roll over an cuss an
cuss an drink more ice water. ..
"But ther fun NV it wuz, yer see,
that Missus Beach she wud see ther
caf tl>g same way Fred seed it, an
she got scarf, too. An finely she
sez ter Fred: Il guess yer amt got
'em, Fred. Brace up, now, like a
good feller, an git up an be we'll
see ther caf just ther same ez you
do, an ther amt nuthin' wrong with
you -er
Erred he looked at his wife kind
NV solem, an sez: i don't care a
durn, Mary, how you see that caff
/ kin see it, too, an it changes euler
twice a day, reglar. Thar amt no
animal in the world kin do that,
Mary, cep't the leperd in ther bible.
! guess yer hev got EN- yerself, but !
didn't think you'd drink, Mary. Ef
yer drinkin' that liker got from
Frank Hitchcock yer'd better stop it,
fer yer'll see snakes instid NV caves
inside NV q week sure
"An' so the ole COW kep a comm
up, an ther caff KEEP changing
euler, an Fred wuz a gittin' wuss, till
one day leetle boy cum ter ther
door Nv Freds house and knocked.
Missus Beach she wuz out, an Fred
hcllered fer him to cum in An the
leetle boy he cum In an sed 'Pleze
Mister Beach, yer ole COW is out, an
her an her two calves is on ther rail-
road track, an will git run ovsr.'
"'Two calvesr yelled Fred a