The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-08-01

forced to take In the affair, and poor
tNeri was at once released. IS
| A JUsrIFIABLE JOKE. ~
Once in a while practical joke is
iustifiable as when q double header was
placed under the chair of persistent
book agent who would not take no for
an answer. Another instance was
where an English officer determined to
| explore that forbidden land, Chinese
Tibet. He slipped across the frontier
one dark night, only to be taken by the
guard early the next morning. They
did not make prisoner of him, but pc.
i,litely inform ed him if he was resolved
to go they would accompany him to
keep off any robbers. They journeyed
along pleasantly for some time, and at
last came to rope bridge-one in
which the passenger is placed in bas-
ket suspended to rope and pulled to
either side by double rope attached to
the basket. To show the Englishman
that the basket was safe, one of the
Tartars went over first. The English
man then entered the bridge basket,
and when it reached the middle it came
to sudden stop. "Pull!'' he shouted,
but the Tartars only shook their heads,
and, seated on either bank, complacent-
" smoked their pipes. The louder he
! cried s'Pull!" the faster they smoked.
After having been kept there all day,
| nearly fro en- to death, they agreed to
pull him back on condition that he
would recross the frontier and never at
tempt to enter Chinese Thibet.
AN ASS OR A HERMIT.
From these Jokes. which have some
thing of suffering in them. it is pleasant
er to turn to another and harmless sort
of practical joke, which, while it amuses
causes no pain. A good one is selected
of Turpin, a mad wag of wit, who
once, out of pure caprice, assumed the
garb of hermit. In this dress. accom-
panied by another equally mad wit, he
entered an inn yard. where he found an
ass tied to the door. Taking off the
animals harness he turned the animal
loose and slipped himself into the har-
ness. and there stood awaiting the ar
rival of the owner. The owner. on his
return was, of course, astonished to find
his ass gone and hermit standing there
in his harness instead. Still more was
he astonished when he heard the her.
NIT thank God for his return into hui
man shape. ''At length" he ex-
claimed, ''my sins are forgiven me and
the time of my penance is expired. l
sinned and was changed into an ass,
but Heaven is merciful and its anger
does not endure forever" Saying this
Turpin threw down his harness and
walked away. 1t was not long after be-
fore the ass was caught and sent to the
market to be sold, when who should
espy it but. its former owner. After
staring at the animal for some time he
said: "What! has the wretch sinned
again, and has he again been turned
into an ass? For the love of God,
friends, have nothing to say to that ami
maj. He has deceived me once, but /
am not to be caught again; for, look
you, whoever buys him will some day
find him turn into hermit as l did"
BECKFoRD's JOKE.
William Beckford, the author of
Vathek, which Lord Byron pronounced
the finest piece of prose imagery ever
written, once perpetrated quite capt.
tai joke. A couple of young gentlemen
were very ANXIOUS to see the interior of
Forthill, Beckford's celebrated resi-
dence. Not knowing the proprietor,
they scaled the walls, and had only adj
vanced few steps when they met him,
who, instead of ordering them off, re-
ceived them with the greatest courtesy,
and after showing them the splendors
of his residence set them down to a
splendid repast. When it came time to
60, as night arrived, he ordered SER
want to show them to the exact spot
where they were found and leave them.
Now, as Forthill was laid out in paths
which extended for twenty miles and
never crossed each other, and was a
Cretan labyrinth even by day, and al
most ineXplicable to those acquainted
with it, how they ever got out was new
er known.
DEAN swIFT's JOKE.
The witty priest was never happy I'M
less testing. He had once printed and
circulated some last words of street
robber named Elliston. purporting to
be written shortly before his execution,
in which the condemned thief was
made to say: Snow, as l am dying
man, l have done something which
may be of good unto the public. l
have left with one honest mantle
only honest man was ever acquainted
with-the names of all my wicked
brethren, the places of their abode, with
a short account of the chief crimes they
have committed, in many of which 1
have been their accomplice, and heard
the rest from their own mouths. have
likewise set down the names of those
we call our settlers, of the wicked
houses We frequent, and all of those
who receive and buy our stolen goods.
l have solemnly charged this honest
man, and have received his promise
upon cath that whenever he hears OF
any rougue to be tried for robbery or
use-breaking he will look into his
list, and if he finds the name there of
the thief concerned to send the whole
paper to the Government. Of this /
here give my companions fair and pub
lie warning. and hope they will take
it, The Joke was a good one, and
had at least, as is rarely the case with
practical jokes, a good effect, for street
robberies were for long time sus-
pended. fE ..
MALIGNANT JOKE
was that perpetrated on Partisan lady
whose husband had gone to China on
business. One day she received a let
ter dated from Old China street, Can
ton. Madam" said the writer. Il
have to announce . mournful event.
Your husband, taken prisoner by Ma
lay pirates, was burned alive, and his
bones calcined to powder. Ihave been
able to procure but few pinches of