Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-03-28
FUN

FUN
Edward Keys, of Unity, New Hamp-
shire, in his will bequeathed $4,000 to
the school district, and only SIS to his
only daughter. If the daughter takes
after her father she does not deserve SIS
from any source.
While scattering few crumbs for the
sparrows this severe weather, don't forget
to throw out q lot of old tomato cans,
barrel hoops, and cast-off shoes for the
poor goat. which has as much right to live
as the imported feather biped.
Taken all in all, January is the most
virtuous month in the whole year-the
first two weeks of it surprisingly SO. Then
the new diary stops all of sudden, and
the cash account opens with a logged ,
devil-may-care inscription, paid for
dIinks.''
In the opinion of genuine Kentuckian
there is no part of our national history so
important as the fact that old Pete An
derson's son Caleb married lobe Watkln IS
daughter, and afterward owned ''Step
High" the horse that Ben Salus rode from
Lexington to Frankfort in 1859.
In -playing game of seven up with a
young lady from st. Paul, wicked Bis
marcker told her that every time she held
the jack of trumps it was sure sign that
her lover was thinking of her. Then he
watched her face at each deal and every
time she blushed and looked pleased, he
led out and caught her jack.
No excuse. An absent-minded Austin
Justice Of the Peace, whose customers are
principally inebriates who are brought be-
fore his court. was called on to marry
couple. He did not make any mistake
until he asked til bride if she took the
groom to be her welded husband Il do. !"
Aud what are the mitigating circum
stances, if any," inquired the absent
minded justice.
One of our reli gious monthlies, which
has large free list" lately sent the
to one of the number, asking him to re-
port whether all Of them were still living
in the place and regularly receiving the
copies mailed to them. n lie replied: 'sAli
here except Brother $. He went to
heaven last summer. His widow and
children remain here permanently
Z writer in the "Decorator'' urges peo-
pie to give the boys chance" Ga gen
eral principles that is all right enough,
but 1t will almost always be found that
the boy who wants chance will take it.
He won, t stop to have it given to him. II
he can t find a chance lying around handy
lie will make one.
Who ever beard of woman who was
heartless enough to step upon mouse?
kiss Me as | Fall Asleep is the title
of new song. 1t might work all right
with some men, but it would wake us
right up.
A counterfeit coin can be told by ring
ing it. 1t is much the same way with
woman, only in her case tie ring has to be
wedding ring.
Small feet are considered mark of
beauty, and if small pocketbooks were
considered likewise most of US would be
really handsome.
DR.. Hammond thinks that great harm
results from sending children to school
OF tCn RI
is to send them out to worry the neigh
bors. 1t will help the children and give
the schoolma 'am rest.
$50 you ran a newspaper once, did
your" asked reporter of tramp. Eyes,
for two months" Ibid you clear any
thing?" ''Oh, yes; cleared out.''
Passenger-How long have you been
employed on the street cars Driver
Fifteen year-barrin' whin [ was sick.
Pessenger-You must be great favorite
with the Company? Driver-Ha! hal ha!
Dye see that ovid gray mare Pm dhrivin'?
Well, we both fell sick together at wanst
last winter. They stint for a docther for
the horse, an they STINT me me resignation
Chicago boasts of a lady, now ninety
four years old, who used to sit in George
Washington IS lap. 1t is comforting to
know that, even if George corldn't tell
lie, he used to have some fun with the
girls.
sit is terribly trying" remarked the
woman with the bass voice, sand can't
stand it another day. Whenever go to
the telephone to ask question, 1 am
invariably answered Yes, sir or No
Slr.' y
La the submerged district, a Cincinnati
enquirer" reporter saw man with a
graphing fishing in the water.
.What are you looking for. old man 2''
SAID the scribe. sim trying to End my
house; 1 left it here two or three days
ago."
'.Shot dead by doctor p Such is the
startling caption of an article 10 an ex-
change. He must be very unskilful
physician who has to resort to powder and
ball to get rid Of patient.
The dark ages "a woman between twen-
ty-6ve and sixty.