The Wilmingtonian., 1884-11-29
HUMOROUS.


a Philadelphia authority. Indeed, no. It
is the half dollar of 1884 that is rare.-Louis-
Ojlle OOurier-Jou1nal.
SIT is false" exclaimed delegate, 1--WE
did not paint the town red. But" he ad-
ded, 1--WE did kalsomine the elephant some
what"
"Do cats think?" queries a writer. Yes,
they sometimes think that the man up in
the window with the nght-cap on is
mighty poor shot with boot jack.
An apothecary asserted in large com
pany ''that all bitter things were hot"
"No," reptile, physician, "a bitter cold
day is an exception"
An unromantic doctor-a bachelor, we
heieve,-says tight lacing is public ben
eft. nasmuch as it kills off all the foolish
girls and leaves the wise ones to grow up to
be women.
A young law student in the Southwest
went to an old Judge to be examined for
admission to the bar. After desultory
conversation the Judge said: "Well young
fellow hang out your shingle and go ahead. :"
''But you have not examined me-" "Never
mind" was the brilliant reply: ''if you don't
know no law you won't get no practice, SO
you won't do no harm nohow." Boston
Post.
A lad rather small for his age worked as
errand boy for four gentlemen. One day the
gentlemen were chatting him about being
so small, and said to him: "You'll never
amount to much; you can never do much
you are too small" The little fellow look
ed at them. "Well'' said he, ''as small as |
am can do something that none of you
can do" "Ah, what is that?" said they.
81 can keep from swearing" said the boy.
There were some bushes on four faces and
there seemed to be no anxiety for further
information.
TRUE STORY ABOUT THE GIRAFFE.
| All the animals were sitting around quiet
| ly after the afternoon performance, and the
giraffe was thonehtfuly observing her colt
snuffiing about the lamps at the top of the
center pole.
"Young man she said at last as he thrust
about eleven and half linear feet of neck
through an opening in the canvas to look
out upon the world, telescope your
self in out of the damp October air. A colt
with swallowing thing like a telegraph
pole has no business tamperng with the
Group. Burlington Hdaokeye
THEY LOVE THE WORK.
"Why is it that the employees in the tele
phone office are all ladies?" Mrs. Brown
made this inquiry to her husband.
"Well," answered Mr.. Brown, ''tbe mana.
gers of the telephone company were aware
that no class of employees work SO faithfully
as those who were in love with their work
and they knew that ladies would be fond o
the work in telephone offices.''
"What is the work in telephone Officer
"Talking," answered Brown, and tn,
conversation came to an end.-SomeroiN
Journal
HE WANTED HIS LIFE INSURED.
An old darkey struggled painfully into al
insurance Office and said
Gam dis the place, sab, wha day sur
lifesp'
"Yes," he was told.
''Well, want ter git my life 'sured di
bury day fo' twenty years."
''But you are too old, uncle"
"Deed Use old, Pse 49,
"And in very feeble health.'
''Boss, Use pretty far gone. De ole % ma
sez can't last much longer"
"Well, we can't insure man in your col
dition.
'SahP"
Il say we can't insure a man like yor
We only take risks on men in good healtl
and who apparently have long life befo1
! them.
! "Am dat fac'P'
"Certainly."
: 'Doan' say nuthin mo-. Use an ole mar
but hain't rer fool, boss. Eff l war youn
wild good health, d 'ye s'pose I'd ask yer tc
sure my lifea Wen we gifts ready to dra
| off is de time to get 'sured. EnDyboy ca
\ sure er mans life wen he's young. l doaI
blieve in dis 'surance ennyhow. We
de guide Lord vans er man he's goin' tt
reach fer him. GUIDE mawnin', boss.
b'lieve yer would steal chickens, deed
do"