Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-12-26
The KazOO-TimcIy Warning.

The KazOO-TimcIy Warning.
The peace of one lairly.well re-
gulated family in Woodstock was
seriously menaced some weeks be-
fore the holidays by the introduc.
ton within its walls of terrible
/ instrument Of torture known as
the Kazoo. The chief torturer in
this case was a seventeen months
old boy, to whose age and aptitude,
the Kazoo seemed splendidly adap-
ted for filling the house with de-
moniac noises, though an elder
brother of this eeJaHt terr7ble, him
self less than five years Old, subsc-
ouently succeeded in driving to a
condition bordering Oh depera-
ton his venerable grandfather,
who declared himself a. having no
choice between hearing the weird
notes of the Kazoo, and enduring
the agonies known to the torture
chambers of the middle ages.
The Kazoo threatens, according
to rumor, to invade our community
during holiday week. Its horribly
wicked contriver or inventor, Is
said to have become : "bloatcd
bondholder" by its enormous sale,
aud of course can purchase immn-
nifty by his wealth. But what should
be the condemnation Of those who
would promote the sale, in a quiet
community like Woodstock, oian
instrument quite capable of Gus
ing collapse of the aged and indrm,
and testing seriously the most ro-
bust nerves? The notes OF the
Kazoo are variable and terrible.
The "squeduuk' with which the
urchin of twelve or fifteen years
ago drove the cook from the kit
chen or threw his maiden aunt and
her cat into fits, at his own sweet
will, compares as the emusic OF
the spheres with tue KazoO. Ben
Butler, who, according to ancient
history, was once a candidate for
President, is said to have a voice
curiously blending the dulcct tones
of a pig sQuealing when caught
under a gate, and those of Il dull
hand-saw struggling with a pine
knot. In these particulars Ben
and the KazOO certainly resemble
each other. At all events the toy
drums and tin.hOrses so .enraptur-
ing to the infantine mind about
Christmas-time, are in feeble compe-
tition with the KazoO as uuisances.
The seventeen,months old per
former who first signalized here
the power for torture of his layorlte
instrument, cultivated q monotone
of misery for the uniortup.ates
whom he relentlessly pursued. HlF
ambition appeared to run IN the
direction ofan improvement upon
the melody made by a small boy
when scrapiug with stick upon
the closed blinds of lawyer $
Office or q minister's study. mat
he is a skeptic as to the power OF
the KazoO for producing any melo-
DIV superior to that monotote vas
shown by his refusal to mistake the
crow ola real rooster for initiation
of that bird by the Kazoo when
manipulated by the senior brother
We have briefly and inadequate
IL sketched tie Kazoo, but We have
done the heads Of families, and the
community a favor by the friendly
warning we have given Of its pos
sible presence in large and demon
stratiye force at an early day. If
it shall come at all, it will come
suddenly, and will surrcptitiously
make it's malaga way into peace.
able households much after the
manue, in which the Grecian horse
was indncted into old Troy TO give
"woes unnumbered" to the guile.
less Trojans.
.rtst4 ~ -.