Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-09-15
BRIGHT BITS.

THE will of q sensitive musician in Wiscon-
SIN contained an injunction that the village
brass band should not play at his funeral.
1T is now said that Bill Chandler composes
music. What a sweet little norman he would
make to sit on the rocks and lure the Amerl-
can navy to destruction !-LOa0sH Citizen.
THE IndeDendent credits the late Speaker of
the British House of Commons with saying
that he would have wished to die in the SER
vice of the House, but his health forbade it.
A SCIENTIST has discovered that cats are
fond of cueumbers. Hereafter when you hear
them in the still hours lifting up their voices
in lamentatiOn you should pity and not up
braid them.-BOSbOn GLOBE.
THE Globe, in enumerating the lodges of
Blaine from the time that he lodged his own
religion up to the time that he lodged the
prohibition clause in the Republican ticket,
yesterday, omitted Abigail Dodge, who wrote
his book and his letter of acceptance.-Ne1o-
6WTgp09t Germ.
THE BROADWAY IvE-AwAY.-Stranger-
'If you please, sir, we want Broadway and
Tenth streets" Newsdealer-"Ie Z can't have
Broadway; it's meself has rid it in thin pa
pers as how it's been Civ away; but yez
moight get Tinth strait eff ye'd hurry up an
see the Boord of AIdermin. ''-HdrpeT's Wes6
~.
A TEST OF CALAMITY
Four gentlemen riding alone in car;
In the car which has only four seats;
When there enters a lady, as bright as star,
A lady-the sweetest of sweets.
Now Butler, or Cleveland, or Blaine, or St.
John
DON'T turn your heads off with a frown;
Get up, if you please, KS the car rattles on,
-EashUiHe World.
The INTENSELY MORAL SHOw.-Mrs. Jar
leyelkins-''This, ladies and gents, is the in
tensely American phenomenon, discovered on
American soil sandwiched between some
Mulligan letters and little rock. He is re-
markable for being capable Of sultlng himself
TO any one to whom he takes fancy; half
Celtic and half TeutOnic in front, his back
half MOngOlian and half Ethiopian. EX-
perts are now at work on his sides, and we
hope to find various channels which will
make him still more useful to this entertain
ment."-Hdrpef's Weekly.
"SAW Smith to-day and he looks as if he
had lost every friend on earth.' ''What is the
matter?' you remember what bad char
acter he hasg Well, he wanted to get di-
vOrce from his wife and he thought If he ac-
cepted a political nomination all his badness
would come out and Mrs, Smith would be
glad to leave him. So he accepted nOmina-
tion." 81 suppose they abused him too much,
eh?" Not at all. The papers never men, !,
toned him He was entirely ignored
''Thats funny. What ticket did he run on?"
1.-THE Prohibitionist." -Daily Graphic.
HOUSE HuTNER-"And SO this is the Queen
Anne cottage you advertised" Real estate
agent-"Yes, madam. 1t is perfectly new,
and of the best materials" House hunter
"But the front door opens right INTO big,
square space, which can't be spared for hall,
and must be used as a room; and here is the
parlOr with the whole side wall out, not
sign of a door. and the room next to it is the
same way. Why. l don't see any inside doors
at all, What are we to do in winter.
when the furnace is not at a white heatP'
A gent-"I don't know, ma am. But this is
genuine Queen Anne cottage, That's the way
they're built, ma'am. You've heard Of
Queen Anne, of cOurse?" House hunter
died of a bad cold, believe" Philadelphia
Call