The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1884-03-13
The Wearing Of Mourning.

There is one old and long established
custom that women ought to possess
moral courage and common sense
enough to take into their own hands
and settle for themselves on = simple
and permanent basis. 1t is the custom
of wearing mourning for departed
friends. The putting on and taking of
of black within a stated time is in
itself, instead of being compliment
an insult to the dead. One does
not put on and put off ones
sorrow in this way; there is
therefore no reality to this fashion of
symbolizing it. A loss by death is ire
mediable; the grief of it may be hidden
away, but it lasts forever. 1t is true
that the desire, when one has lost a
near and dear friend, is for silence and
darkness, for neutral tints and for the
presence and association with only that
which harmonizes with our own sense
of loss and bereavement. But we can
not often indulge in this selfish alb
sorbtion and exclusion, and it is doubt
less good for us that We cannot. Our
lives 90 on; our duties remain. They
must be performed. We put our griefs
away. We do not intrude them upon
others. We lock them up and keep
them as a sort of luxury for quiet
hours when indulgence will not inter-
fere with our obligations to the living,
with active participation in the duties
of the hour. There is no reason of
course why women should do violence
to natural feeling and wear high colOrs
and gay ornaments at time when
their hearts are saddened by a heavy
loss. Let them lay aside what
they no longer take pleasure in,
and wear their simplest, plaineSt,
darkest dresses; but why lay aside what
is perfectly sensible and even in har-
mony with their own feelings and incur
much unnecessary trouble and expense
merely to put on garments a little
deeper, n little darker, little sadder,
and Oblige an entire change in the hab-
its of life, the avoidance of much that
would be healthful and salutary rather
than harmful, the adaptation of social
conditions to the circumstances and ac-
cidents of an individual, and the actual
creation of a code of ethics the ObServ-
ance of which depends on the presence
or depth of Grape band. The most
ardent supporters of outward and visi-
bic signs of woe are those who are least
sensitive to grief, but who like the noY-
city of an entire change of wardrobe,
and The pleasant excitement of finding
out exactly what ought and what ought
not to be employed under such circum-
stances. AS there is no authorized code,
l. 401
authorities are often more amusing than
practical or reliable. To many limited
but well-intentioned' women, the imag-
ined necessity for ''doing as other peO-
pie do" in this regard is source Of
| extreme embarrassment and perpleXity.
Perhaps they cannot afford the outlay.
Perhaps they have only recently, by
dint of much contrivance, replenished
their wardrobes. Perhaps it was not a
near relative. Perhaps the relative
lived at distance. All the facts are
agitated pro and con to make case
against assuming this new burden; and
the only argument on the other side,
the strongest feeling is this, that if they
| do not conform to common custom they
will be subjects of common and impi-
Gus remark. This is much stronger in
small neighborhoods and communities.
1t is therefore the duty of any wCman..Of
position and influence in such cOmmu-
mites to set an example in the right di-
rection, and afford the moral support OF
this influence to her poorer neighbOrs.
| In cities women out of certain eXclu-
siveness are fast emancipating them
selves from their traditionS.-Jenny
| June. in ALbanu Journal.