Daily Los Angeles herald., 1884-01-10
Press rlsasansriss.

Pater-"Knowledge, my boy, is bet
But, po' my word, do you know, sir, I
think l prefer the inferior article"
A young man who left his chariner's
front gate in hurried manner and lit
away out In the street, asserts that her
father was afflicted with palpitation of
the feet.
Two ladies seated at table. First
lady Ito waiter)-"Bring me an ice
cream, please" Second lady--sI'll have
an Ice, too." Waiter brings ice cream
and stewed oysters.
Examiner-"Give an instance from
Scripture Of an animal endowed with
speech" Pupil--"And the whale said
unto Moses, Almost thou pcrsuadest me
to be Christian
"Are you going to the funeral this
afternoon, Mrs. Flipp?" asked one lady
OF another on Broadway. "Well, yes,
IL my husband don't bring home matinee
tickets. replied the latter.
A short time since, as a regiment
headed by Its band marched by, a little
boy, standing by tho window with bis
mother, said: ~ say, ma! what is the
use of all those soldiers that don't play?
New customer-'I don't so much care
what the things are made Of, you know.
All want Is to look like gentleman.
Tailor with uneallcd.for ind
"Well, sir, can assure you that | will
do my very best"
A wag says TO one Of his friends in the
most solemn manner: "If my employer
does not take back what he said to me
this morning shall leave his house. "
"Why, what did he say?" ''He told me
could look for another place.
First boy with basket---"Is il here
ye gifts yer coal, Jimmy?' Second boy
with o basket-''Yis, it's here me sister
livin' out this Winter; and she laves our
coal out livery day. It's handler than
goin' to lot OF barrels before yez git
yer basket full"
"Etiquette now admits of second
plate OF soup This Is all right, but II
a mans appetite will not admit Of q
second plate Of soup, etiquette is worth
nothing to him. And If he has the ap
petite, he will also have the soup, eti
quette or no etiquette.
81 can't carry this bundle" said q
wife to her husband. II can't" the
husband replied, ''for l have to carry
the two children" "But you ought to
have some consideration for me-" the
wife continued. "You must think I'm
wagon" "Oh, no. my dear, don't
think you are wagon. A wagon holds
its tongue"
A traveller, who had stopped at a
third class inn, said in an angry tone ia
the innkeeper: ''It is abominable! ]
Yves devoured all night long by the bed
bugs" "rhatss very astonishing re.
piled the innkeeper, innocently. "Yes.
tsrday my waiter and killed more than
hundred and fifty of them in your
chamber"
A prominent lawyer contributes this
~ q new one. Clerk-"Prisoner at the
bar are you guilty are not guilty.
Prisoner-"Not guilty" Judge-"Who
is your counsel!" Prisoner-sI have
none; am unable to employ lawyer.
Judge-'Mr. B. appoint you to
defend this man." Prisoner latter look.
ing at his lawyer) "Well, then, l plead
guilty."
'Well, old boy, what is the matter
with you? You look as if you had lost
your best friend" "Do I?' was the re.
ply. "Well, haven't. On the con.
trary, l have just gained a friend.
"You don't look like it," 81 know
don't. ''You see, last night / asked lit.
tic Miss B. to marry me, and she
said she would always be to me dear
friend.