Connecticut western news., 1884-07-09
ADVERTISING RATES l,
WIT AND WISDOM.

l BETTER a hYlng dog than ueno Hon.
 As THE twig is bent the trees inclined.
 OXEN till tho fields and rats eat the corn.
 Our of tho wolf's lair into the tigers mouth.
 Ir is the unexpected which always happens.
 BETTER be n fowls back than a bul. locks trump.
 GIRLS we love for what they are; young men for what they promise to be.
 TRANps and millionaires are leaving the city for the summer. .-- Boston Post
 ENGLAND has many strong men who find it impossible, at times, Co raise a pound.
 "I MAKE n shift to get along" ro- marked the widow despondently "but it's sew hard"
 PEorIE learn wisdom by experience, A man never wakes up his second baby to see it laugh.
 ANCIENT Romo had eight oircuses and no newspapers. Aud VIC all remember tho fate of ancient Romo Noristown Herald
 A STocK YARDS girl who is anxious to get rid of her lover has prommed to marry him when Tildon is olectod.- Chicago Sun.
 rr,,,, Whitehall tyrg.,,. ,,,.,,,,,y.,. st ns n startling fact that many young wo- man has had narrow escupe from the string of bad beau.
 AN exchange thinks that plank in favor of quart berry.boxes that will hold two pints eaeh would catch the housekeepcr vote.
 A VIRGINIA girl married tramp who turned out to be a duke. We've no pity for her. She should have known what he was before she married him.
 THOSE persons who get up early 10 catch the worm need not hustle thcm- selves. They can catch the worm my time at the fruit.stands in the market
 AN Irish magistrate asked prisoner if he wns married. "No," replied the man. Then replied his worship, amid peals of laughter, 'it is good thing for your wife"
 "DEAR George" said young wife tenderly, as she stroked her husband's Irving bang; "shall sing Some Dayf" "Yes, dear" replied the heartless wretch ''some day when I'm nwny from home"
 TuE season for showing off youBg mans ears has arrived. The young man buys little dollar straw hat, md sets it on the top of his head after having his hair cut short. The ears stand ont in. bold relief
 "sEE here," he said to his clerk, "I don't mind letting you of a day now and then to attend your grandfather's fu- neral, but think you ought to have the courtesy to send few of the fish around to my house."
 WE read in an exchange of a young lady having been made crazy by a sud den kiss. This should teach young ladies to bc constantly expecting somc- thing of that kind and to be prepared for it when 1t comes.
 A BAND of boy brigands, who had vowed to exterminate the dude, was TO- gently discovered in New York. Each boy ia supposed to have been armed with feather with which they intended to brain the dudes.
 Tm student who upon his eRamina- tion was asked the question, "what ia medicine2" and replied "To kill por- son without fear of police interference" " was awarded a diploma and marked Al on the class roll. Noyristo,Dn Herald.
 A SAN FRANCISCO showman is adyer- Using troupe of educated aies. if ho will send ono on here to teach others how to walk around the edge of a milk picture without falling in, he will gain everlasting fame.
 ONE of the ladies at Saratoga last sea son had n SiO0 dog, on which she placed a pair of S2, 900 earrings, Q collar studded with emeralds and pearls worth 5000. had cot mado for 1t at cost of s250, and several suits of dog clothes trimmed with real gold lace.
 "GENrLEMES, said Western judge, "this court, as the bar well knows, ia naturally quick-tempored; and il this court had not taken warning in time and abstained from the use of ardent spirits, this court would now be in the Ponitcn. tiary or its grave" NOTHING will surprise n married man moro than for him to go honae and sur. prise his wife in limping around the house with her little toe bandaged, and , to have her say, in ahalt-reproying way, r that she don't see why he need keep such an awful sharp edge on his razor, I Chicago Stm. . A MALICIOUS boy created a panic in a l Montreal hotel one day last week hy | thrusting his head into Inc dining-room and calling out "Here comes an officer from New York with a warrant" Itwas several hours before some of the most nervous guests could be puuuaded Co B come out oi the woods and return to their meal.
 f NATURE is guilty of some queer freaks. For instance: throw ten-oent dog, that p has never seen water, into the river, and it will immediately swim ashorei !. but when a s50,0O0 man, whose cdnca ton in tho natatorial art has beer V neglected, falls overheard, he incon n tinently sinks to the bottom. Norris d Co Wn Herald.
 0 THE rAuons EuiE