Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1884-12-08
PERFORMANCE NOT ON THE BILLS.

The "Investigation" company, at the
Theatre Comique, gave performance We'd
nesaay night that the audience in the front
of the house did not witness. The audito-
rum was empty, but the performance was
held just the same, and without a rehearsal,
too. 1t was investigation but not the kind
in which Messrs Harrigan and Hart figure.
The investigating was done by dog, and
he did it well; so we'll that the actors were
besieging the treasurer yesterday for an ad-
vance on their salaries to buy new clothes
with.
On the north side of the theatre is an al
ley where the gallery tire.escapes descend.
In it are stored lumber, barrels, boxes, lad
ders and all sorts Of debris. Some one had
also stored dog there Wednesday night
and fastened him by rope to property
box 1t was big dog-a cross between
Newfoundland and Shepherd-and he
looked kittenish and playful. He has o
double row of double back action teeth, all
the same. In the alley is the historical
"Hole in the Wall" an aperture that opens
into an adjoining bar room, through which
are passed foaming tumblers of milk and
seltzer to stake the parched throats of thirs-
ty actors.
At the end of the first act in ''lnvestiga-
ton" Mr. John Sparks, who assumes the
role of Lorenz Hogan, makes his exit up
through the flies and does not come on
again for nearly half an hour. During this
time Wednesday evening, as was his WON'T
Mr.. Sparks went for his usual beverage
said to he milk and seltzer. He got it, and
as he looked through the bottom of the
glass lie saw the dog.
Mice old fellow" said Mr.. Sparks, diplo-
matically.
The dog wagged his tail. Mr.. Sparks ap-
preached to pat him. The dog jumped up
to meet him half way and atfectionately
nipped Mr.. Sparks in the lip, and scratched
his face into the bargain.
"Bless him." said Mr.. Sparks, or words to
contrary effect as he rushed back to the
"Hole" and called for another milk and
seltZcr.
Here, bathe your lace in this" said the
gasman as he brought up u can Of alcohol.
Alr. Sparks shuddered and wanted to know
if seltzer wouldn't do as well. The blood
was s.aunched, i doct0r summoned, the
wounds cauterized and he scars hidden by
false whskers, SO that Mr.. Sparks came up
Eertore the lootlghts at the proper time as
smiling us Il day in June. Meantime it was
put and carried that the dog must he shot.
As soon as the performance was over three
policemen were called in 10 DO il. The male
contingent of the company turned out in the
alley TO help and 10 kill two dogs with one
shot, as it were-to ge: final milk and
setzer al the 'ilole.'
Each policeman drew his pistol. One
more veEturesome than the rest aimed his
carefully at the dogs head. Mr.. Doyle, the
sasman, held Il lamp. The pistol flashed.
The dog looked astonished, and as the bullet
had cut the rope he disgustedly walked
away. Then the officer fired the other bar
rels, and the dog yeped and began to jump.
The other officers tried to either pistols,
hut they wouldn't 60 off.
The property room was sacked for hre-
arms, and the company appeared brandish-
ing tin swords and wooden muskets. Mean
while pistols were popping and the dog was
getting lively. In the excitement some one
Shot the lamp, and in the ensuing confusion
and darkness Mr.. Harrigan poured q milk
and selzer down u carbne barrel. Mr..
Harrisan said he regretted his mistake.
This gave him an idea. A blunderbuss was
brought out aud loaded with 3 paper
of tacks. When they were fired at the
dog they seemed to exasperate him, Tor he
made q dash through the crowd and ran on
the stage. He was allowed to do so. No one
seemed to have tie least objection. Texas
Jack' climbed q ladder.
| Mr.. Sparks tried to crawl through the
"Hole in the Wall" Mr. Gould, the secre.
tary, made wild leap from the stage into
a box, closely followed by the dog, then
down to the orchestra, and, as trouble never
comes singly, landed on his hig b hat.
The dog bounded like hurdle horse over
the seats, alternately pursuing and pursued
by the company. Through the parquet, up
iuto the balcony and gallery they went,
making a frantic dash at him, and when he
turned retreatng as fast as the seats would
let them. Johnny Wild said he never saw
anything just like it since Tommy Shells
played at being he goat At last the dog
got into the lobby, escaped through the main
entrance and vanished down Broadway,
while the amateur dog catchers fell exhaust
ed against the Hole in the Wall"
"If find that dog my fortune is made"
said the gasman I'D sell him for old lead.
He's got twenty seven bullets in him. be-
sides lots of other things.-N Y. Herald.