New Ulm weekly review., 1884-06-04

A western zephyr carried q COW q
quarter of mile through the air. and
set her down in milkman's yard. He
was so scared that he stopped grinding
chalk, and ran four miles for rifle to
shoot the curious looking creature
with. Burlington Free Press.
Don't slander your next-door neigh
Dor. He may be in impoverished cir
cumstances, and have few if any
friends. Don't speak i'll of any man
until you are positive as to the exact
amount he can lift and the nature OF
the person when aroused.
20 no, you don't ':laugh and grow
fat That idea is all wrong. The
sentence should be reversed. You grow
fat and laugh. When you fat up you
have something to laugh. And other
people have something to laugh at.
Especially when you try to button
your shoes in q railway car.
A New York man advertises ga safe,
quick, and reliable corn remover, with
out the application of knife or caustics;
no pain experienced. Price only g."
A young man who never walks out
without wishing he could leave his feet
at home forwarded 81, and two days
afterward received by express live
crow.
Chicago has Coaching Club. We
always thought the great need Of Chi
cago was something of that kind. We
don't know how contagious Coaching
Club is, but as it has taken Chicago six
years to catch it from New York, st.
Louis will probably break out with it
about the time the Hennepin Ship
Canal is completed.
During the sermon, one of the quar-
tet fell asleep. ''Now's your chants"
said the organist to the soprano. "See
if you canticle the tenor" ''You
wouldn't dare duet" said the contral-
to- you'll wake hymn up" suggest
ed the bass. II could make a better
pun than that, as sure as my names
Psalm" remarked the boy that pumped
the organ; but he said it solo that no
one quartet.
Dumley was making an evening call,
and the nice little boy Of the family had
been allowed to remain up a little
later than usual. ''Ma," he said,
during lull in the conversation, '.can
whisky talk?" Certainly not.'' said
ma; .swhat put that absurd notion into
your headP" ..Well," he replied, II
heard you say to pa that whisky was
telling on Mr.. Dumley, and I wanted
to know what it said"
We want Cinnamon, but we want
them long way off. The fat has
gone forth that no Celestial shall ever
gaze on the woody gulches Of the
C@ur d'Alene and live. If he insists
on coming, however, let him bring q
roast pig, plenty of fre-crackers and
colored paper, and all the essentials
for first-class Chinese funeral. He
needn't bother about bringing the
corpse, though; it will be in readiness.
-Ces1, a. Ale,se Nugget.
Two dudes talk: cav, Cholly, / see
theah is going to be some change in
twousahs this spwing." ''Some what
Gusp'' ''Some change, don't yor
know NAV, you don't sayp Well,
I'm dahn glad of it, fob ba Jawve
theah's been so little in mine fol
thwee months, that wcally I wouldn'
know twade dollah- from o silvah in
dividual buttah plate, don't you know ;
The officer who opens the court Il
called the 'scrier.'''. On one occasion
the said officer had lost his wife, wh<
had led him an uncomfortable life, ani
he was, Of course, absent from his post
When the court came in the Judge, 81
! usual, said: ''Mr. Crier, open tn,
court. y A young and facetious lawyer
| addressed the Court as follows: '.May
it please your Honor, Mr.. B. can
not cry to-day; ho has lost his wife.
| At a Boston seance disconsolat
j widower succeeded in establishin!
communication with his wife, who ha,
| passed into the spirit land from th
Hub, OF whose aesthetic circles she ha.
been q member. The man inquired
she was happy, and if she liked he
new surroundings, to which she re
! piled: .Well, dear, it is very charm
ing and lovely and all that, but Q
course you know, dear, it isn't Boston.
Mrs. B. was speaking of Mrs. Us
rainy-day attire as combination
''polonaise and waterproof cloak,
when little Bijah wanted to know j
her ttapolonaris waterproof cloak wa
made of glass?'' Made of glass
.'Why, what do you mean, childP'
''Oh,n replied Biiah, s.you alwaY
speak Of Mrs. j. as that meek littl
! bottled up woman, and thought tha
-" His thoughts on the subject wer
diverted by box on the ear.
A young man who believes in sell
l improvement, having recently married
suggested to his wife that they shoul
argue some questions frankly an
fully every morning, in order to lear.
more Of each other. The first quesio
happened to be s.Whether q woma
/. could be expected to get along withou
a hat, - and he took the affirmative
and when he was last seen he ha
climbed up into the hay-loft and wa
pulling the ladder after him. Aub,sy
Nesps and Bulletias.
s.Oh, mamma, = cried out 3 five-yeal
old who had his nose fattened againt
the car window, ''did you see that sho
back there we just passed p'' '.Ne
dear, what was it?'' why, mamms
i I looked in the door and there was
man with hammer and nail IN hi
hand, and he had q poor horses leg q
. in his lap and was pounding on it
THAT was blacksmith shop, dear.
''But, mamma, = queried the youngste
after a thoughtful pause, s.is that th
place where they build new horsesp"
Young Chick Mamma, why do 70
q scratch with one foot and then with th
other, and don't look down until 20
get throughP Old hen Drought up !
Boston Because, my dear offspring
{ If i were to excavate the soil with bot
my pedal extremities simultanecusly
and direct my organs Of vision on th
ground at the same time. ] would los
! my equilibrium and present the nddie
nifed spectacle Of balancing myself o
J; my Uranium without any visible n1ban
8 OF support. NesU York . Journal