The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1884-09-06
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

AN Independent bolt every man for
himself during a railroad restaurant
/ rush at meal time New York Jour
/ nal.
! AN open letter-tbe one that comes
TO the house addressed toyou in a lady's
handwriting and your wife receives it
from the postman,-l Brooklyn Times.
Mr.. SMITH" Jones, [ don't object to
music, but when that dog of yours barks
all night then | think it little too
much" "Then you don't appreciate
Offenbach. = Life.
TMm GUEsT-Can you tell me,
please, is their an elevator in this hotel?
Old Stager-I should think sol
Lots of them. Can get one down at
the bar for ten cents. Set EN- up?-
Judge.
IRON water wells in this country are
not SO numerous as they were before
steel-springed hoopskirts went out of
fashion. A keg of nails put in well,
however, will produce the same result.
- Picayune.
WELL, WE'LL" said old Mrs Gumbo.
as she laid down her morning paper,
" SO they've rescued poor old Greeley
alive! | do hope that Horace'u take
hold of the Tribune again and edit it
sensibly like he eused terl'
A YOUNG mother travelling with her
infant child writes the following letter
to her husband at home: I'VE are all
doing tirst-rate and enjoying ourselves
very much. We are in fine health.
The boy can crawl about on all-fours.
Hoping the same can be said of you, l
remain, ETC."
SCENE-Table d'hote at fashionable
hotel on Deeside; big market day.
Farmer of the old school has dined.
Waiter: Finished, sir?" Farmer:
Fats the chairge?" Waiter: Five
shillings, please" Farmer startled
Five shillin's? Weel, I'm nae deem
yet" Resumes operations. 49, Bailie.
EMMA ABBOTT has been singing
Home, Sweet Home" to the convicts
in Pennsylvania prison. This is al
most as touching as the effort of a
church organist who played Il Am a
Pirate King" while the deacon was TAX
ing up the collection Detroit Jour
nal
ENTER Bridget with ten-bytwelve
mirror, from which part of the quick
silver has been scratched, in her hands,
and the pallor of mortal fear on her
countenance. "Oh, if ye phase, mum,
the board fell off the back of this, and
| see it was all covered with frost, but
whin went to scrape it off, sure and it
showed me hand instead of me face.
This country is too cowld for me in
toirely."- Harper's Bazaar.
THE following notes of a speech re-
Gently delivered in Dublin are not with
out interest. Speaking on the much
vexed IRISH land question the speaker
said: THE country is oyerrun by alb
sentee landlords" and after aperoration
delivered from the tub on which he was
standing, he said: Il tell you the cup of
old Ireland's misery is overfiowing, aye,
and it's not full yet. Pail Mall Ga
zette.
A WOMAN will calmly leave the cover
of lar containing ground coffee open
when she knows the air viii take the
strength out of it. But she will never
leave the stopper out of bottle con
tanning perfume she bought i'll Paris
last summer. Any one sending us a
correct solution of the whyforeness of
the thusly will receive, by return mail,
the cornet used by Washington to blow
his fire at Valley Forge Puck.
A WIDOW who has had box at the
post Office for the last year or two called
at that institution yesterday and in
formed the chief clerk that she desired
to change her box. Lock out Of
order?" "Oh, no." "Isn't the box
convenient" "Oh, certainly; but I've
just moved from Ninth Avenue to Third
Street, and THAT is-why, how stupid
[ ami l was thinking I'd have to
change my post-office box, too! can
keep the same box, of course All
need to change is my doorplate. /
knew Id have to change something or
other Excuse me. Good morning"
Il Detroit Free Press.
CITY COUsINs-"We are having such
nice time here this summer. We
shall have to come here every summer
The farm is such lovely place for the
children" Farmer John-"Ahem"
City cousins nice it is to have
relations. Don't you think relations
are blessings, Cousin John?" Farmer
"Umph Ahi Yes, OF course. That's
what the poet says, you know" City
cousins 1.-The poet?" Farmer John
Yes. He says, Blessings brighten as
they take their flight. y Philadelphia