The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1884-03-13
Raising 5 GIustachc.

1t might have been Solomon. hut rncs.
Likely il Ia; some of the Latter. day
Mormons, who remarked that there were
only svo interesting events in a mans
life. The first was when hair began to
come OIL his upper lip, and the second
when it commenced to 60 from the top of
his head. When q person stops TO con-
slider how much attention is bestowed on
these appeudages, and how small the
most of them are in spite Of all their
nursing, the rank they take among OBJ.
jects of interest seems very remarkable.
A doting father at the South End has
been watching the unfolding of his sons
upper lip from downy bloom through ali
the stages to hirsute callowuess with a
closeness of scrutiny that only fond
parent can bestow, and has arrived at
some startling conclusions. He was
talking of his family one day last week
in drug store, and, after alludiug to the
dentition of his youngest, which had
just taken place, he droppel off into a
reverie and said: "Yes, teething is bad
enough, the Lord knows; but, for real
trouble-genuine anguish, you know
there is nothing like nustache that has
aprouted and just begun to break ground.
My boy Jack had it dreadful about two
years ago, and he hasn't recovered yet.
Why, the way that fellow acted was
enough b to break your heart. He would
stand before the glass Ior half day at
time, looking at his face and rubbing it
in terrible agony. Now and then he
would make frantic grab his upper
lip, and stretching it out his teeth
the way butcher II of tripe
| when he is clean Id rivet
| his eyes on one Co., nth and
ssv 'golly,' in way tina IS think
he was going mad. BY al uy few
hairs came up on each side of his nose,
and when he had got eight little saplings
on one side and nine on the other, lie
commenced to twist them for all he was
worth. Such coiling and twisting and
tondling and patting and nursing never
saw in my born days. Eight hours
every day was devoted to this work, and
frequently he got in ten or !Helre. Civ
ing it speed Of about six revolutions
minute, he would sit facing mirror and
work away without paying attention to
any one. Now working eight hours
day at rate of six turns a minute he
makes 8,640 twists between the time he
gets up and gues to bed again, and con-
tinuipg at the same speed for year it
| O,l
600-more revolutions than the earth has
made since the azoic period. Why, if
he had been boring an artesian we'll with
an auger and turned the crank as often
as he has his mustache, and worked at it
as steadily, he would have made hole
over six miles deep in a year, allowing
the auger to cut only one eighth of an
inch to every turn. If he had gone TO
| work in a nat focinru Tho lohOr ha bo a
put into those seventeen hairs woult. have
twisted marlin enough to catch all the
fish that swim end had enough over tO
fence henyard of million acres. /;
has troubled dim SO much that he is sen
sitive, and the least alIusion to it makes
him as mad as n humble bee. Only last
week his cousin Jennie came down from
| Vermont on visit, and when she had
kissed me, and my wife, she looked up to
my boy aud said why, Jackey, what a
dizzy little mustache you have got
Jack turned as red as rooster, and my
wife, knowing how sensitive he was, tried
to keep peace in the family by saying !:
If you had seen how much he turned it
round and round you wouldn't wonder, it
is enough to make anybody dizzy Then
Jack said, Cheese it, mother and left
the room in an awful fit of temper. He
won't come into the room where Jennie
is, and his mother ia wondering what
makes him act 30 odd. All l can say
about it is that father who has boy
with sprouting mustache Is q terribly
afflicted parent, and he has my sympa-
thy, for have been there" He arose
after making these observations, and
wandered dejectedly homeward.