Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-04-04
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

The man who 'found his lever was O
carpenter, Of course. e.-BoSton Bulletin.
The best hand to hold in the game Of
life is that of your best girl Waterloo
Observer.
One good thing may be said of the
pawnbroker-he sticks to his pledges -
SonaeroilIe Journal
A Vermont man has been married six
times, and he's the citizen they always get
to go first in bear hunt.-BoSton Post. =.
1t doesn't speak much of the size Of @
mans mind when 1t takes him only min.
ute to make it up,-NeO York Graphic
An English paper says that Americans
are good listeners. Our invention of the
telephone proves it,-NeoO York Journal
1t seems strange that man should
hurt himself when he drops on side
walk. Down is so soft, you know
SJting8.
Every afliction has its blessing. The
man with wooden leg never knows what
it is to have rheumatism in that ankle
Chicago San.
A linen shirt was first worn in Eng
land about the year 1850. There was a
man in our office yesterday who had on
that identical shirt. .-Rockland Courier.
A fashion item declares that the long
train is going out of fashion. Let em
go. This is the kind of departing train
that no one will care If they do miss
Statesman.
"There is a species of lizard that can
throw off its tail at pleasure" In this it
resembles the writers of serials for the
story papers, albeit the latter throw off
much the longer tails. .--NowiStOaon Herald.
When young man lays siege to a
young lady, and insists upon her con-
senting to become his wife, she cannot
but confess that he is "a man after her
own heart, !" however heartless she may
appear. Chicago San.
An iceberg 110 miles long was seen by
the steamer Norseman on her way from
Liverpool to New York, and perhaps the
Arctic regions and the north pole, in order
to avoid giving us any further trouble,
are coming down here Chicago Times
"My DEAR" said Mr.. Muckleham to
his wife, " those hams bought the other
day are so badly spoiled they cannot be
eaten" "What a pity" his wife re-
piled. "Guess we'd better send them
out to the charity hospital. ."--ArkanSaw
IrG0eler.
AS somewhat of an inducement to anna.
teurs we take this method of announcing
that everyone sending us a poem on
"Spring" this year will receive pound
of dynamite done up in beautiful sheet
of colored tissue paper. Now is the time
to get up clubs. - Chicago NeaOs.
A loving father at Clayton, N. Y, in
his anxiety to marry off his daughters
(ifteen in number) as quick as possible,
has killed his dog, taken the locks off his
doors, and hung rope ladders over his
dooryard by the dozen, and still his pro-
vision bill is as large as ever.-BiSmarck
Tribune.
The plcasurable part: An Austin man,
who has just got out book of poems,
met Gilhooly, and the following pro
ceedings were had: "Did you read my
new book2" ooh, yes read it. - "How
did you like it2" my dear sir, I assure
you that | laid it aside with great deal
of pleasure. "-Teras SiJtinyS.
you don't marry me, he exclaimed,
"Tll take myself out of this hated world
and I'll haunt you as long as you livel"
Said she: 1T will be more respectable
than your present haunts. Please stand a
little further off, l never could bear the
smell of alcohol so soon after tea.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
"All this hard wood you export, " the
English tourist asked the Indiana lumber
man, call this maple and beech, you
know, where does it go 2" And the man
told him that most of il went direct tc
Scotland, where it was worked up into
boxes and chnrns and paper folders from
the rafters of B rms cottage and the home
of Sir Walter Scott" Ard the tourist
said ''Haw," and wrote something in his
notebook. .-Hatokeye.