, 1884-02-07
CRAB-FISHING.U
Mrs. Spoopendyke's Vain Attempt to
Redeem Herself as a Fish,
erwolnan-

Now y,u be careful" Mr.. Spoopendyke
said at length. "Here's another varmint, and
you mustn't let him get away. When I say
'Scalpr you shove the net under him and just
bring him aboard"
1Can you see him yetip asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, waving the net over her head and peer
ing into the water. Ill, sd
"Waiti Yes, there he isl Careful, romem
Der. Now, scalpP' - -t1+A H+ 9-ai.
he must have been a crab of phenomenal
scholastic advantages to have gotten rid, of
that swoop, for Mrs. Spoopendyke, with a
view to redeeming herself, went for the end
of the string blindly, but with a strength
of purpose that made failure impossible.
She not only got the crab, but she slammed
net, crab and all over Mr.. Spoopendyke's
head. :
"What-wah-hlir shrieked that gentleman,
as he felt himself impounded.
Lost him againl' exclaimed Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, who hadn't the remotest idea
what a crab looked like. "Why. dear, what's
the awful big spider in the nett Good graz
clousI'
stake It offi7 howled Mr.. Sp~oopeudyke.
"Take it-wowi the thing has got me by the
earl Haul him off, will yer
Mrs. Spoopendyke dropped the handle of
the net as II it were an old-fashioned bonnet.
and gazed upon her husband In consterna-
ton.
"Gast tho crabI" yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
tearing the net away. "Let go, ys brutel
Wa-ha" and the unfortunate man wrenched
the fish from OF his ear and dashed it in the
bottom of the boat. whats your scheme in
doing thatF' he demande :, holding his ear
with one fist and shaking the other at his
wife. Think you've got to eat 'em right out
of the wateri Got a notion that he came up
cooked and you must down him quick or he'll
spoilP yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke, enraged be-
yond all control by the sight OF the carnage
that trickled down his fingers What dye
mean by itf' and he sprang into the air and
alighted on the unhappy crab, slipping up
and s~prawling full length in the bottom OF
the boat.
HWas that a crab, dearf' asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke. assisting her husband to arise
and contemplating the mangled fish with
anything but favor. ais that what you call
acrab. Thought tHt H.u 5000
-You thoughtln ripped Mr.. S~poopendyke,
kicking at the bewildered crab; That's the
trouble with you-you think Did you think
l was going to stand here and let that crab
chew on my ear till his legs achedi P'raps
ye thought he was whispering to me! Maybe
you thought he was telling me a funny
storyi Well, he wasn't, and il he was his
voice was so hoarse / couldn't enjoy it'll Ye
thought, did vel" squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
| ny kct LIS WEhIu ELSllS Us az pun Ill lcdI
subsidod; Thought a crab talked with his
toes, like some women think, did hel Oh,
you thought If l had such a head as that
I'd fit it up with shuck beds and a stick OF
gum and start a female boarding school
With your ability to think, you only need a
squint and four long words to be a Concord
school OF philosophy" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
plunged the oars into the water and began to
row vigorously.
"Where are you going, dearfT asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, timidly, after her husband had
pulled hard for some time.
Homer grinned Mr.. S~poopendyke, with a
horrible expression Of visage. "pm going
home to show the people how much damage
a rusticating idiot asylum can do with one
muddy crab when she pins herself down
to itF'
Then, dear, hadn't you better unite the
rope and let the boat looSef' suggested Mrs.
Spoopendyke. -
Mr.. Spoopendyke turned and gave a sharp
look at the bow. Then he hauled his hal
down over his ears, stepped ashore and
struck out at a brisk walk. m r
al don't know sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
as she took hor boat in tow, ~ don't know,
but 1 don't think 1 care much for Grabbing,
though I'm not sure but what it's more fur
than walking home on the wrong side Of
the river with no bridge within seven mile.
either way7"