Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-10-24
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


He is a philosopher who can Gnd music
IN fat mans snore.
A man with a cast in his eyc-A trout
tlsherman.-Teegs Sjti7ga.
Earthquakes cause quite a movement
iu real state.-N8U York Djd.
A cobblers wife call him Breath"
because he lasts for the living.
Practical ioles-Those that are pubs
lished and aaid for.--NeD York Nad.
The only bar that tramps are unfamiliar
with-CrOwbar. .-N3sO Yorb Telegram.
A Toston agricultural editor says that
the best way to preserve peaches is to
keep a bulldog in the orchard. .- Courier.
J2uynaL.
A society exchange says: "Ladies bon
nets this season will be felt" Yes, and
the one to feel it most will be the hus-
band.-Bo5ton Post.
"Why is harmonious husband and
wife like eight cubic fect?" asked Flat
terry, and before I could reply the answer
came; Because they are both in accord
---Bost9n Times.
A fashion paper, in describing a bellies
attire recently, said she wore carbuncles,
and now that poor girl gets 300 differ
ent recipes for the cure of Doils in every
mail. Washington Hatchet.
An esteemed contemporary talking of
Il man run over on Monday by Market
street car, says he has four doctors in at
tendance on him, and then unnecessarily
adds: cit is doubtful whether he will
recover. San FapciScO Post.
Orange peel is now said to be collected,
dried in ovens and sold for kindling
fires 1t burns readily and with great
ferceness and is safer than kerosene.
Now cannot some useful avocation be
found for the treacherous banana peel
Philadelphj1 Cal.
$50, you have finally made-up your
mind you won't have me?' he asked.
" Yes, firmly" she replied. 81 suppose
you take me for fool for proposing to
you so often" "No, sir; | don't tako
you for fool. wouldn't have you for
a gift. ."-Detr0jt Free Press.
"I hear that your wife creates quite
sensation - said one Burlington man to
another who had recently been married.
wen, guess ShC doCs, Icl'll0" III"
other dubiously feeling of the bumps on
his head. g But the sensations are not
altogether so pleasant as might be
/ wished Burlington free Press.
"You must be sick to hire a horse in
the daytime said an impecunious young
man to companion. "Why sOs" was
the inquiry. "Are they any cheaper at
night?" "Guess they are! All you've got
to do is to eat fve-cent slice of mincc
pie and you can have a mare all night
that would beat Maud S. to flinders. -
Burlington Free Press.
REAssu uRED.
ooh, youth, with smooth sand-papered pate,
| The night is dark, the hour is late,
| Why do you linger on my gate"
II stay to help your daughter hold
| This gate upon its hinges DID,
| Go in, old man, you're catching cold!"
The old man sought his little bed
And pillowed there his tranquil head;
/ 81 guess the gate is safe, - he said.
Luther G. Riggs.
'Tandlord! I" cried an irritated traveller
who had been eating dried-apple pie at
a railroad lunch house, as he held one
hand to his shattered jaw and produced
gimlet with the other. "Look at this
confounded gimlet I've found in your
pie and broke half the teeth in my head
out on" "Weli, l declared" said the
landlord. ~ wanted to use that yester-
day and hunted all over for it. Much
obliged, stranger. ."-Net0 York Star.