Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-03-27
Dictatinx 4 Letter.

der his shoulders; s'nOw, my dear. take
your pen and ink and 1 will dictate a
letter to Specklewottle. If you will
play amanuensis I don't see why can't
be sick Just as well as not.''
Mrs. Spoopenkyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials.
"Shall l write on q card with gilt
edge, or shall take note paper?" she
asked.
You'd better use paper replied
Mr.. SpoopendyEe, severely. "When l
want to convey my ideas on single + II
carve 'em in with knife. Now get
ready, for I'm going to start, and DOM
you interrupt me or you will put me
OUT
"All ready, DEAR" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into the
ink and contemplating her husband
anxiously.
"Mr. PeterB. Specklewot.le," COM
menced Mr.. Spoopendyke.
lis his middle name 'B?' asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand, and
testing her pen on the blotter. II don't
think like his name. anyway. Peter
isn't NICE
eli any other name occurs to you,
put it in,' observed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
with growl. "You don't need to
have a mans right name in a letter.
Put in anything and hurry up, will you?
Going to keep me in suspense all day
about who this letter is going top
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for moment.
"Now, I've got him in, DEAR
SCOT who in? Anybody [ know?
Am l debating private letter to a
strangero Got some particular friend
you want this note to 60 to unbeknown
to me? Who's in there?" I'm going to
know who's at the top before put my
name at the bottom.''
"Why, Mr., Specklewottle, of course
said she, looking at him with wide open
eyes. That's what you said. Now
60 on with the rest"
Have you got the date and dear sir
in, too?' asked Mr. Spoopendyke, peev-
ishly, for he was trying to think how he
should start his letter.
mo, dear, you didn't say anything
about those" replied his wife. "You
only said the name, but I'll put the
others in.'
"Will, will YEP" croaked Mr. Spoop-
endyke. sticking on great deal of
credit to yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt We? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband? Well, you can't
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in;
hear me?''
''But I've got 'em in," pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendye.
"Then strike 'em out" roared her
husband. "S'pose I'm going to let you
put those things in and throw 'cm in
my face from the moment get well till
the day l die? Scratch EN- out, tell
We; l don't propose to have my life
made miserable by reminders of your
kindness when l was fishing around in
the grave with one leg! Now what have
you got?"
''Peter B. Specklewottle, said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, mentally satisfied there
could be no mistake in that
''Anything to show whether he's
man or a woman?' demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke. '.Any Mrs or ESQ.,
hanging to it anywhere?''.
Certainly replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. at saws Mr. Peter B. Speckle-
wottle.' That's the way you told me to
write it, didn't you? Now 60 on with
the letter.
''Then put: 4 am dying, and 1 wish
you
"Great graciousr' calculated Mrs
Spoopendyke, dropping her pen. "You
are not dying, dear; you don't want the
man to think that!''
''W1y not?'' squealed Mr. Spoopen.
dyke. ''S'pose man is going fourteen
blocks out of his way to get the mail
for a man who has only a cold in his
head? You put it that I'm dying, or
I'll drop over into that corner and write
the whole letter with one application of
the inkstandr'
go on, DEAR" cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. ''rve got it so; only he may
think it strange that dying man should
''Then say, Il want you to get nv
mail from the Office, and tell them I
will be over in a day or two Got
that?'
Yes giggled Mrs. spoopendyke.
Anything else?''
"What're you laughing at?'' howled
MIR. Spoopendyke. on whom the incon-
gruities of his letter had begun to dawn.
What have you got that measly mouth
of yours stretched out like do .lgasted
graveyard for? Think I'm debating
comic almanac? Got notion that this
letter is one kind of a rebus? Well, it
amt. and it amt minstrel entertain
mcnt with funny man at each end!
What'ro you laughing at? Anybody in
this country know?"
'Iwasn't laughing, DEAR" murmured
Mrs. SpOopendyke, with marvelously
straight face. Il was only sympathiz-
ing with YOU"
''Was, eh?" grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. ''Well, when it takes the form
OF visage like you screwed up min
ute ago Iwant to be hung instead of be-
ing sympathized with. Another time
you open Your mouth like that Pm 90
ing to put seats in it and start
church"
And cogitating on this vast improve
ment in his wife $ anatomy. Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, forgetting all about his letter,
rolled over and went to sleep.-Brook-
Ign Eagle.
The Worlds Richest Man.
At the beginning of every wear
Mr. w. III. Vanderbilt makes II an in