National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1884-05-26

Mr.. MAURICE THoMPsoN's new novel OF
southern life is TO be called "At Loves Ex.
tremes"
THE effort of the Grant boys to grow up
with Wall street failed because Wall street had the
sart.-Mdcon Telegraph.
THE rumor which prevailed on Saturday
that New York faro bank had suspended pay
ment is pronounced false.
A ST.. LOUIS man has been found dead in
bathtub How he got there or how he happened
to be discovered is n mystery.
PORK" in Washington parlance, stands
for public building snaps; "pie" is used to dosig-
nate river and harbor jobs.-Bu0dio Express.
ANT1QUARtANs have discovered that the
bridal veil was originally worn to conceal the
brides bushes Who would have thought 1t?
Just go over that scheme again." said the
bank cashier to specula,or, adding, Never
mind that old codger who has Just come in. He's
only director,"-Boston Globe
PLUCK will win. Hendee, tho champion
amateur bicycler, on his second attempt at riding,
Travelled thirty miles on n machine made of Il car
riage wheel joined to a small wheel by piece of
gaspipe.
BALAKLAvA, the locality made famous by
the charge of the Light Cavalry Brigade, now bids
fair to become fashionable resort for invalids.
medical commission has reported very favorably
on It's sheltered position and climate.
BosroN girls are wild over their feats of
pcdestranism. They think nothing of taking
tramps of from five to eight miles. They take
long jaunts into the suburban country. An ex-
change says they always turn back when they
meet a COW.
How DO you like the new minster?" 1T
don't like him at ALL" replied tho deacon. ais it
possible Why, thought he preached a very
eloquent sermon" "Thats the trouble 1t was
too eloquent. ! couldn't catch a wink of sleep
through the whole fit"
THE bank president who has run away
from Erie, Pa with funds of the bank. and has
thereby ruined the concern. has been dabbliDg in
stocks, too But he was a member of the Salem
Evangelical church, and zone Of the best known
Christian men in the city"
The voters of Livermore borough, Vest
moreland Pa, humorously proposed to elect Miss
Ada Read justice OF the peace, and are dismayed
to discover that having the requisite number OF
votes instead of taking the joke she takes the oath
and will perform all the duties of the office.
IT may not BIO kind to say II told you sou
but 1t was only about week ago that the Cotrant
advised the average investor to close out his Wall
street holdings and buy q dog. What this country
| is being taught now is that IL Is cheaper and
safer to keep u dog than wild cat-HarUord
Courant.
/ "a NEW YORKER, who has been close
observer tor forty years, declares that, whereas
there used to DO a preponderance OF blondes
among women of this country, there Is now q
heavy preponderance of bruncttes" Somebody
should tell this ''coso observer that tho style has
changed.
Mr.. WIN. II. VANDERBILT took a letter Of
credit with him for a large amount The country
will not rest easy until it Is known upon what
bank this letter was drawn. II would be q crying
shame II Mr.. Vanderbilt should find himself on
the other side without funds and be compelled to
| walk home.
A BALTIMORE man has boon sentenced to
three months imprisonment and 10 pay fine of
s25 for lying in horse trade. Judge Stewart said
II was the first time in all his experience that he
ever knew u man to be convicted Of making false
representation in horse trade, but he expressed
the hope that ''others would take warning and
be more truthfulin their dealings"
| A CORRESPONDENT of tho bCincin natl
Enquirer kissed Patti on the singers departure,
and writes to that paper that PATHS lips were
moderately full and quite Soft her breath was arc.
matte with the last glass OF champagne which
she had drunk from the parting bottle, and her
| momentary hug was graceful, though not at all
demonstrative" The Eaquirsrs correspondent
Is a woman.
DUMLEY came into the dining room and,
casting sweeping glance over the table, jammed
down into his chair and muttered under his
breath Liver again, of course We've had liver
every morning for two weeks" whats the
matter, Mr.. Dumley?" asked the landady,
"arent you feeling well this mornlngg' mo,
madam" he replied shortly, ~ am suffering with
liver complaint"
SANTA BARBARA probably possesses the
smallest team of mules in the country. They are
hitched TO street car, which is often taken for
cnble dummy in oOnseuuonce The other dny IN
passengers were surprised by the car fetching up
with sudden bump while OH down grade.
Aher peering carefully over the dashboard for q
few moments the driver said "Well. I'm derned
If them pesky critters haven't got under the ca
ag'in,
Hero is the closing section of n letter which
Walter SCOTS betrothed sent him two months be.
fore their marriage: Before conclude this
famous epistle will give you little hint. that
is not TO put so many musts in your letters. II Is
beginning rather too soon and another thing 10
that take the liberty not to understand them
much, but expect you to mind me. You must
take care Of YOURSELF you must think Of me and
believe me yours, sincerely C. C'
FIRST Chicago Mani am surprised to
hear that old Lightweight the coal dealer, has
failed. He is the craftiest chap | ever saw, and
how he came to burst up puzzles me-" Second
Chicago Mau-"Well, ! happen to know all about
It. You know his head weigher Is young man
named squibbs?" Eyes" "well, at revival
about three months ago young squibbs got con-
verled, and old Lightweight never found II out
until too late to save himself"
THE present ruler of Afghanistan boasts
of his SKIN as a mechanic, a musician, and a
physician. In each capacity he believes there Is
no Afghan to equal him, To expect truth from
an Afghan is like looking for water in the desert,
says writer in the London Times, but II is said
thut Abdurrahman Is an accomplished liar and
an adept In the art of chicane. He is adverse Ia
the practice of making oRths, but when he does
make one 1t is considered sure sign that he has
no intention of performing what he has promised
JUDGE STORY told Of Chief Justice NJ ar.
shall that ono morning while doing the market
ing he came across young Virginia blood who
was swearing loudly because he could hire no
one to take home his turkey Marshall stepped
up, and ascertalning OF him where he lived, re-
piled THAT is in my way, and | will take Il
for you" When he arriyed at his dwelling the
young man inquired, what shall pay your
"oh, nothing" was the reIonderi "youare vel
come; it was on my way, and no trouble" "WhC
is that polite old gentleman who brought hom'
my turkey for me ?" inquired the other Of by
stonder as Marshall stepped away THAT" re-
Piled he, 'ls John Marshall, chief Justice OF thu
United States"