Connecticut western news., 1884-05-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

ONE hour ot justice IS worth twenty years of prayer.
 THE farmers business will only be SOW SOW this month.
 Mosr Egyptian names are built with an El part on them.
 No MAN was ever truly great without divine inspiration.
 TIE rule of three.-For the third person to clear out.
 A FAN is indispensable to a woman who can no longer blush.
 To DEVELOP the principles of our higher nature is to know heaven.
 IF bad temper were a fever there wouldn't be hospitals enough to hold us all.
 AN actress is like a little girl in one respect-when she gets mad she won't play.
 HE needs no other rosary whose thread of life is strung with beads of love and thought.
 FL MAHDI has eighteen wives, and says he went to war simply for little quiet and rest.
 THE light, like the morning star, which dwells in the inmost heart of every man, is his refuge.
 "WHAT is syntax ?" asked the teacher. "A saloon licepse is sin tax" shouted the son of prohibitionist.
 A MAN named Hamburger has turned up at Rochester who claims that he hasn't scent to his name.
 TIE best way to worship God is in al- laying the distress of the times and i'm. proving the condition of mankind.
 A CLERGYMAN was telling a marvellous story, when his little girl said: "Now, pa, is that true, or is it only preaching. y
 ANXIOUS DUDE-we believe it was King Solomon who first introduced the idea of parting the heir in the middle.
 IT was a mean fellow who went to the circus and slyly hooked on the sacred white elephants railing the sign: Don't touch the paint"
 "Is THIS seat engagedP" She-"Yes, sir, I am keeping it for a gentleman. !" He (bowing politely)-''Madame he is here" (Sits down.)
 A MASSACHUSETTS man by the name of Darling, who has been married ten years, says he can't for the life of him tell whether his wife means "ducky" or ''you there," when she addresses him.
 A LITTLE girl was trying to tell her mother how beautifully a certain lady could thrill in singing, and said: "oh, mamma, you ought to hear her gargle- she does it SO sweetly."
 WE suspect that trade dollars are so called because you can't trade with them. This is the same principle on which New York confectioners dub their home made bread "Vienna rolls"
 "WAs not Mir. George Washington Johnson afraid to die ?" asked gentle man of one of the friends of a departed colored man. "Oh, no v was the reply. "He took more'n ten dollars worth of patent medsons durin' his las sickness
 THE man who can thoroughly enjoy himself at a fashionable reception after discovering that the bow of his white tie is under his left ear, is superior to the pomps and yauities of this wicked world.
 DOCTOR, do you think smoking is hurtful ?" "Why, of course. Look at the chimneys. They make a business of the thing; and yet it's those that smoke the least that do the best."- French Wit.
 IT is said that notorious millionaire, when asked why he did not build Q palatial mansion such as Vanderbilt's, said: 'I don't want house that will be so easily found when the hungry fellows break loose."
 "WHY did Pharaoh kill the boy-babies of the Hebrews, and not the girls 2'' asked teacher of her class of girls the other day. Because boys are so much worse than girls, was the prompt reply of little maid.
 A GENTLEMAN was examining an um- brella and commenting upon its fine quality. "Yes," said a person present, "he fancies everything he sees." "And, added a third party, ''is inclined to seize everything he fancies."
 You've Mir. Coleridge attempts to prove that he didn't offer to marry Mary Anderson by saying he already has a wife. That may go in England, but an American court would throw out such testimony as utterly irrelevant.-Chi eago Ne10s.
 TIE Connecticut Legislature has set tied it. A bill was introduced a short time ago to tax geese and bachelors, and was opposed by a Mir. Harrison, who said that there already was n bill taxing geese, and n man who had lived a bach elor to the age of thirty would come un. der it.
 A DETROIT woman wants divorce because her husband, she has discovered, lied to her before he married her. He told her that he owned a horse and wagon, and possessed neither. But he claims that he told her the truth, inas- much as he owned a wood-horse and dog, and the latter's tail had wagon.
 CLEANING TIME.
 The smell of soap suds in the air,
 The floors and walls entirely bare,
 The piles of debris everywhere, The hnnaewifa with A vacant atare.