Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-06-22
4 SCENE IN CHRIST CHURCH.
a Taeiturn Old GentIeman-A Talkative
Old Lady-A MischievOus Boy and a
Dog the Choristers.

she might have been called a gossip and
scold but for her careful avoidance Of per-
sonal illusions in conversation, and from
her reprOofs being always tempered with
good advice and humorous comments on
her own distinguishing idiosyncraey.
Webster defines idiosyncracy "a pecu-
Iarity of temperament or organization of
body, by which one is rendered more liza
BILE to certain disorders than bodies diff
ferentIy constituted;" and Mrs. Els dis
order was not so much in her fondness for
'.talk" as in that if she once began she
never could stop TIL some big word oc-
Cured and arrested the flow of speech as
effectually as a corn-cOb inserted into the
mouth of amejean''-commonly pro-
nounced ''demijohn"-and really. as /
peeped through the blinds, as | often did
when ! heard her commence on her SER
want girl in the kitchen, and beheld her in
her old-fashi0ned dress, resembling the
hoop-skirt of later days, with her arms
akimbo and her words flowing rapidly, l
could think of nothing but a demijohn of
nv fathers wine pouring its precious
contents into the recipient pitcher with
guggle, guggle, that only ceased with the
restoration of the cork. In her case, one
particular word oftenest served as this
cork, for if Sally, negro like, happened to
be out of call when most wanted, the voice
increased in strength and the words hur-
ried one on over another, till at last, in de-
spair, she would exclaim, ''Can't you
hear! Won't you hear! Oh, you tdRtd-
sSaosssat, you - This big word intended
tor cdtdnl0uHt, as afterwards ascertained,
invariably indicated her retreat to her
arm chair, there to await with Christian
resignation the advent of the negress.
THE PEW IN CHURCH
which the old lady occupied, and which,
/ think, she inherited from her colonial
ancestor, was Immediately behind our
hired one. In this, near midway, was
stout column, leaving seat-ro0m for three
farthest from the door, and for one near 1t,
and as | was the only churchg-oing child,
it was more than large enough for the
family. But there was an old gentleman
of the highest responsibility, who, when
his own pew was full, as it often was,
would take his seat in ours. He also had
his ''idiOsyncracy," quite on the opposite
side of Mrs. E.'s; for while hers was eX-
cessiye garrulity, his was taciturnity;
while she was always smiling, he never
smiled; and while she had great horror |
Of dogs, he never appeared unaccOmpa- /
MED by a poodle, sheared, as was the /
fashion, to resemble a lion in name and in
tail. In entering our pew, the old gentle /
Dldu NOuAu DlduQ up AOl A4OAuG0lf Aouh
over the church, clear his throat, and, de- /
liberateIy parting his swallOw-tail coat, /
turn once more round, then slowly take his l
seat. In the same way, his little dog 1
would walk in after him, look under 1
the foOtbOard and seat, give a little 1
sniffie, turn round, and, as he had no two
flaps to his cOat-tail, would give two wags
to his one, with the tuft at its end, and
then lie down to await the conclusion of
the service. | very often felt tempted to
disturb his repose. but dared not for sew
eraI reasons, easily guessed although re-
spect for the church of God was certainly
one, and regard for the principle: ''Don't
do to others what you would not have them
do to you," another. since j feared that
sly kick or tread on the tail might invite
sharp snap from my vicious looking ca
nine guest. In truth, my principles were
good, but my practice was not always
judici0us, since my natural love of the
philosophy then creeping
in to supplant the speculative Aristotle
ism of the past century often led me to
attempt and sometimes to do what prac-
teal community designated mischief
But researches into the laws of nature
never involved me in acts of cruelty, and
while / hated cowardice, had learned
from experience that "discretion is the
better part of ValOr," especially where
the ability to fight or run was not mine. L
was even then aware Of the wisdom Of
the military maxim, though / had never
heard it said, ''before attacking look to
your means of retreat" But to know is
one thing, to do, another, as l shall now
show.
ONE SUNDAY OUR FRIEND AND HIS
POODLE
did not appear at the door of our pew till
the moment the minister, the Rev. Abdiel
Carter, arose to commence the service,
but paused on seeing many not yet in
their seats-young men mostly, who had
on the porch or come late, as
was, even in those ssdO0d old times" too
much the case, hare heard. From some
ike cause, the poodle did not Immediately
follow his master, and the DEVIL sup
pose it was-took the opportunity to whis-
per into my ear the question: "Will the
Did lady stop talking in church if she
)nce begins % The intrusiOns of genius
0ften come like flash, and seeing that her
pew door was open, | closed ours, while |
inc old gentleman was busy IN dividing
MS coat-tail, so that he did not observe
the act. At length the service began,
but the minister had just got to "Dearly
beloved brethren, the Scripture moveth us
in sundry places'-when it became too
evident that something else was moving
the congregation in our part Of the church,
and this it was, viz: The poodle finding
our door shut in its face was too proud or
well bred to knock or whine for admit
lance, and naturally, seeing the next door
open, turned into 1t. The apparition of
the hated canine in her pew was more
than Mrs. E. could stand, and she, COM
mencing her protest against the intrusion
in whisper, which, like her appeals to
Sally, rose in volume and distinctness as
their effect on the dog appeared to be null.
The first heard was:
''Schut, schut; git out, you varmintl
What you come in here fOrg 60 'lOng;
don't look at me with your red eye in that
way You're beauty, amt you? Amt
you sublime, with that little karkis done
up like a lion, with collar round your
neck more like sheepskin than like a
name, and curled and frizzled like the
hair of one of them fashionable gals over
there. and tail more like my little mop
than like a lions. Git out! Schut, schut
What fools folks makes themselves when
they goes agin natures doin's and tries to
make things different from what God
makes them, and brings 'em to church,
too. Lord a massy, Pm forgittin' Pm in
church and the service begun! Git out!
Schut, schutl l did not call you. GO
way; / did not ask you in, and don't
want you to stay. Git out! o, Lord
massy-he VIII come nearer-and here
Pm talking in church. Shall ever stop;
and people a hearing me; shall l eUeT
stop? Git outl Git out, you little ridicu-
lous dog! You TOOLS petl You tanta-
mountn
THIS WAS THE CLIMAX.
But by this time everything said was au-
dible to a good many; the excitement
spread, and at last an audible litter was
heard, and the parson stopped in amaze
ment. By this time the cause of the up
roar became evident to the poodle's mas
ter: he stretched across me and opened
the door, called in the dog and then closed
it behind him.
Mrs. E., with her head sunk in her coal
scuttle bonnet-the fashion of the day
was breathing hard and tanning herself
violently, while my father and mother
were threatened with apoplexy, from
their efforts to suppress their laughter.
The only two imperturbable persons
present in that church were the dogs
master and my innocent self; but even
nearly exploded, when turning slowly to-
wards me he snapped my ear with his
finger. l didn't laugh, but l crept under
the seat and rubbed my ear with an en-
ergv worthy of a better cause.
/ was never punished, for there was no
proof of malice prepense; and even cir
cumstantial evidence could not be brought
to show that / had expected the result
that followed on my shutting the door. 1
never confessed, and my father, lawyer,
could not cross-questfon the truth out of