Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-03-26
PLEASANTRIES.

A BAND of italian brigands captured
duke recently and held him for thlr-
ty DAYS. Any American heiress can do
that, and hold him longer.
a LADY and gentleman accidentally
touched each others feet under the table.
s'Secret telegraphy," said he. "Com-
munion of solos," said she.
A SCIENTIST asserts that a bee can
only sting once in two minutes. We
would respectfully add that that's all 1t
generally needs to.-BOStOn Post.
A LITTLE girl after drinking glass OF
water from magnetic spring, said; L
do not feel one particle magnitied, and
think these springs are humbug.
SOME one Intercepted little George
In regard to his sisters betrothed.
ssHow old is hep" 81 don't know.
ssWelI, is he young?' ''Yes-he has no
hair yet"
s'DID you put it In with tacks or put
typ" asked a merchant traveller for
Pittsburg glass house as he gazed In an
absent-minded way at the hotel clerk s
diamond.
do you find running your store very
expensive?' was asked last week. ''Oh,
no." was the reply, "the dearest spot on
earth to me is home, sweet home. "-Bo8-
ton Budget.
A READY MADE rejoinder: He-"You
made fool of me when | married you,
Madam" She-''L0r! You always told
me you were a self-made man!-LOn-
don Punch.
MRS. NEwRICH has taken a straight
course of Irving this week. "Oh! wasn't
he Just splendid where he stabs old
Polonaise behind the porteree?" y Wash
ingtO7s Hatchet.
The announcement that Bismarck eats
at one meal enough for half a dozen
persons of healthy appetite, explains to
the New York Graphic his strange an
tipathy to the American hog. 1t is Jeal-
ousy.
WHEN one sees pretty society belle
showering impassioned kisses upon the
nose OF her pet poodle it does make one
ready to howl for a $500 tax on dogs,
and no Observation-Disclosures Free
Press.
''Do you paint YETI" asked an old
friend of feminine artist, whom she
had not seen for many years. eyes,
was the answer, ST still paint. I paint
the children red and put it on with my
slipper"
ssWHY did you put that nickel with
hole in it In the contribution box?" asked
one man of another. because couldn't
put the hole in without the nickel, and
I had to put in something. '-MerchG
Traveller.
ssAUNT JANE" said an exasperated
wife. 81 wish it was a custom for women
to trade husbands as it is for men to
trade horses" "Why, my dear?" "Be-
cause, if it was, I'd cheat some woman
dreadfully before shutdown"
ssMARRY me. beloved" implored the
gilded youth on his knees, land your
pin money shall be increased thousand
dollars day." ''Bah!" she replied, con-
temptuously, 'what's that? Am L not
prima donna?" Henry E. Abbey.
GUEST: "How much is my bill?" Clerk:
elbow much money have you got with
you?" Guest: "About two hundred dol
lars" Clerk: "That's all, is it?" Guest:
eyes. that's ALL" Clerk: "Well, your
bill is just two hundred dollars. "-Ph2l-
adel0hi0 CAL.
FIRST Citizen-''I understand that
Minister Morgan has joined the great
majority?" Second citizen-"You don't
say so? When did he die?" First citi-
zen-''I did not say he was dead. He
has become a candidate for the presi-
dency."-NeaU York Graphic.
A WESTERN woman applied to a
doctor for a prescription for her hus-
bands rheumatism. ''Get that pre-.
pared. = said the medical man, sand rub
il well into your husbands back. If it
does him any good let me know; I've
got a touch of rheumatism myself.
A MAN in Terre Haute, who recently
secured a divorce from his wife, now en-
plovs her as a servant-girl, and she has
more money and better clothes than
when she was his wife. IF some men
would treat their wives as they do their
servant girls there would be fewer dl-
vorces.
NEWS item states that s'the hose of
Mrs. Brant was broken into during her
absence and robbed Of $500 worth of
ieveIrv, clothing, and other property. J"
The only explanation OF this queer state
ment is that Mrs. B. is a Cincinnati
lady, or the printer has left ''u' out OF
'fhose."
Mrs. Tom THUMB. says a correspond
ent. is a s'picture of matrOnly dignity
seen through the small end of an opera
glass. Little boys are permitted to come
on the stage and kiss her professionally,
but woe to the person who presumes to
pet her in the parlor. Her severity is
small, but intense"
Co1oRED brother, addressing the new
parson: ''Look heah! yer's mighty
welcome at my house lessen yer makes
too much O. a hotel o. de practice. !"
'fWhy, thought dat yer'd be gl8d ter
see me-" ''I'se glad to see yer, sab,
but de longer yer stays away de gladder
I'll be ter see yer when yer comes. >
TIerG8 Siftirg8.
AS they were trudging along to school
a fve-year-old miss said to her compan-
ion, lad of six summers: "Were you
not affrighted at the contiguity of the
rodent?' ''Nay, forsooth, y he replied
II fear not the juxtapOsition of the
creature, but dislike its alarming ten
dency to an intimate .propinquity. y