Middletown transcript., 1884-02-08
MY HEART is THINE.
CHIPS.
Boston Folio.

Stanley has discovered an African
river, called Kissmelonga, and it is with
difficulty that the girls can be kept from
emigrating.-Mdrathon Independent.
Everything went off very smooth
ly," said one, concerning wedding.
cit ought to,'' said the groom, who
was present, sit was run on casters. "
It appears that the happy couple were
presented with thirteen pickle-casters.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Having made his will, Mr.. Barnum
was lately asked if he thought he would
go to heaven when he dies. Well l
don't see why not, /" was the character
istic reply of the great advertiser. 81
think have the best show on earth. :"
y 3 breakfast et Get Table
" A silver dollar is a fraud, says
political exchange. All right, sir,
hand it over. We are willing to
shoulder many such frauds, but at
present, mendacious confession, the
frsgud is trife g sca'ce'' in this and
neighboring establishments Arkan-
Su,c IraUeler.
Strawberries are dear at S12 quart,
yet any one may have an imitation OF
the winter kind by soaking small
globe Of half-boiled turnip in liquid
composed of one-third vinegar and two
thirds dish water. Serve with powd-
cred sugar, and have ready little
bicarbonate Of soda to cure the hiccups.
N. Y. Herald.
Mrs. R. B. Hayes owns, and per-
sonally superintends, one Of the largest
poultry yards in the United States, at
Fremont, Ohio. Well, what is that
old rooster of a husband of hers doing
all this time ? He ought to be able to
run poultry yard, and give his wife a
chanch to rest, after his four years as
president of the United States.-Peck's
San.
$50, my little boy, you would like tc
join our Sunday school, would you p
said the superintendent, kindly. " Yes
sir, y replied the little boy. What il
your name, did you say ?'' "Johnny
Simpson, "Oh, yes, you are the sol
of Mr.. Simpson. Let me see, is you
papa Presbyterian or an Episcopa
lian ?" "No, sir; he isn't either
he's a newspaper man. .''-Philadelphic
Call.
An enterprising Arkansaw edito
having in vain nladi6 numerous gifts gift t t
increase the circulation of his paper
finally offered the following induce
ment. "The publisher Of this paper
having recognized the demands of th'
community, has decided to offer puar
bottle of whiskey with each yearl,
subscription. 1t is said that tn
editor has rented a warehouse in whicl
to store his subscription books.-1rkan
saoD Traveller.
"Do you know y said an infatuater
youth to a young lady who had preferre,
his room to his company, "do yol
know that the comet Of 1872, nov
visible, is travelling away from us a
the rate Of many millions of miles
day ~ "No, didn't know it; bu
I wish certain young young maj
would initiate the comet and travel of
at the same rate.u He tTaveled-bu
not quite 50 rapidly as the comet
NorriStolCn Herald.
There are forty thousand jerseys il
this country remarked Mr.. Wiggles
worth, without looking up from hi
paper. "Well, 1 declare,'' . exclaimed
his wife, eff 1 don't mean to get one
I saw nice one in the store to-day fo
only six dollars And she smiled
contemplatively as she began darning /;
hole in the toe of a red stocking, Will,
Mr.. Wigglesworth laid down th,
agricultural paper he had been reading
and went out of the room, rubbing hi'
head in dazed sort of way.-Rocklanc
Courier Gazette.