Daily Los Angeles herald., 1884-07-31
Press pleasansriss.

r The heated term--"You are lair"
An inn.dependent-The hotel waiter
2 Appropriate dessert for dudes-silly
bulbs.
Z A misplaced switch = The teacher
thrashing the wrong girl.
When Darwin spoke OF tale.bearing
men he meant slanderers.
"Time is money" said the needy man
when he spouted his watch.
A writer in an exchange tells how to
make d match safe. Soak it in water.
The dude wears full suit on the hot
ct day. The other kind OF puppy only
ants.
How to keep cool--Buy ice.-Boston
'ost. How to get hot-Call tor the bill.
-0raphic.
II Ifpolitical fences were made Of barbed
= the builders wouldn't have to fix
d up so often.
new song is called swift Thou. o
Thou!" 1t is supposed to be ded-
ID to o collar and pair Of cuffs.
is said that Benjamin +. Butler
ss costly melons on his Massachusetts,
N. When the doctors bills are reck-
ID in, all melons are costly.
There Ia q Colonel Drinkwater on the
smocratic State Committee Of Massa-
ilusetts. Fortunately for him, the ques-
.on Of eligibility was not raised against
him.
81 hope your uncle won't give me
away" remarked young Augur to Miss
Gimlet. Don't you worry about that.
He never gives anything away. He's a
pawnbroker."
"What is PLATFORM" asks an ex-
change. If 1t is Prohibition platform
1t Is something to be straddled and sat
down on. Give us something further
over in the book.
"Hello. Jack, you are q great strang-
er." eyes, I'm indeed great stranger.
Can't you loan me S5?" ''No, thanxs; l
never loan money to strangers. 1t
would be foolish, you know"
The public schools are now closed and
the schoolmarms have two months to
study over which is the best for them, to
get married and be bossed by man, or
ito remain single and boss the boys.
4 81 should think you would need a
Military guard to keep the young men
way," said citizen to the father Of six
sfriageable daughters. "Oh, I'm pretty
Cd foot soldier myself" was the cheer
reply.
comparison Of six curtain lectures
ten verbatim by as many different
,auds showed that they are so nearly
that It would be necessary to print
osly OF them-but that one we are
i'd to print.
eneral Lew Wallace, who is reported
have said he had lived in Turkey
10 years and had never spoken to a
skish woman, neglected to state that
-. Wallace had also resided there the
me three years.
The World says that professional
irglars have fne opportunities to make
can sweeps In apartmet-houses. II
urelars can make clean sweeps they
ught to be employed by the Street
leaning Department.
M. Picard, bird charmer, is astonish-
tng the boulevardiers of Paris with bis
powers. After being alone with bird
fifteen minutes he can make 1t fly where
yer be wishes. Any one who has ever
tried to chase hen will appreciate the
value Of this gift.
Sometimes it is no good to be too fun.
ny. A reporter Oh the staff Of solemn,
not to say soporifc Melbourne paper.
writing about fire not long ago, con-
luding his paragraph by saying, with
egard to the sufferer by the fire: HE
mas our warmest sympathy" This burst
a humor was too much for the craw-fsh
Who edited the paper. The reporter is
,ver here now. and his ready witticisms
sre said to cause much hearty, II hollow,
aughter among the other unemployed.