The Delaware ledger. (Newark, Del.) 1879-19??, 1884-07-12


wAasrArr is ineorrigtble. Fifty sum-
mers have not sufficed TO tame down {
his exuberant spirits. Mrs. W, on ]
the other hand, has proper sense of
what is due her, and has rooted
to being sold" Wagstaff
came home last night. popped his
! cad in at the door. ''Nlnce," says
he. with his face full of horror and
alarm, and sinking his voice to hoarse
whisper. have you heard anything OF
a douhle murder and suicide next
doorl' "Gracious merciful powers,
mol" cries Mrs. W., jumping up and
dropping her spectacles into her tea,
mot a word. "No more have l."
says W., cheerfully. Once more and
got the money! That the reason of
the coldness III the Wagstaff's family
circle.
TALKS too much: Scene-A small
lawn on Seneca street. Time Noon.
Personages--A parrot summing itself
on porch beside its open cage and
strange dog wandering upon the lawn.
The parrot speaks first: "Sickl 6ickl |
Sick himp The dog, with ears and
tail erect, looks about for something |
upon which to charge; he espies the |
parrot and an exciting scene ensues. |
From out the confused mass of dog |
hair and parrot feathers comes the
shrill cry: Git outl On you, git
ouil' Dog breaks for street. Parrot,
after looking at herself from head to
foot, gravely exclaim /: Polly, you
talk too muchl"
PSYCHE LoGIoAL: "Thls is funny
doctrInel" exclaimed Brown, who had
been reading of metempsychosis. "The
idea of the human soul entering the
body OF an animal! According to this
doctrine, my soul, after l get through
with it, may lnhabit the body OF
iackassp "And why noi?' asked Fogg,
demurely. ut would certainly feel
more at home there than any where
else"
WHERE'S the molassts, BillP" said
red-headed woman sharply to her
son, who had returned with an empty
Jug. None in the city, mother.
Every grocer has a big blackboard
outside with the letters chalked on it
IN. o. molass es. ."
ACCURACY: "And what, then, was the
date OF your poor husbands death?"
LET me recollect myself, ma'aml Well,
if he'd'a lived till Wednesday next he'd
been dead three weeks"
NAUTICAL: Isn't this cheese a little
old?" asked the customer of the
grocery clerk. ~ don't know" ans.
wered the boy, "I'm only passenger
here You must ask the skipper"
GROCERY store incide1t: An old gen.
tIemaD (who does not like his last pur-
chase OF matches) mo, Mr.. Brown,
l tell you them red beaded matches
never amount to anything" Mr.. and
Mrs. Auburnhalr, married last week,
want to know what business tbs Of his,
the impudent old thing.
INDIANA has Justice of the Peace
who decides cases according to the
law and testimony, instead of giving a
verdict for the plaintiff aud it Is said
that he is starving 90 death on the
business brought beiore him.
) WHILE an idaho girl was sitting
under a tree waiting tor her lover O
) grizzly bear came hlong, and, ap.
, preaching from behind, began 10 hug
her. But she thought / was Tom, and
she leaned back and enjoyed 1t heart.
lily, aud murlnure1 Fighter" aud 1t
4 broke the bear all up, and he went
} away and hid in the forest for three
p days to get over his shame.
"YoU are a nuisanoe. I'll commit
: you," said an offended Judge to a noisy
y person in court. "You nave no RICH
j to commit nuisance, aid the often
: der.
Hydrophobia is said to be unknown
e among the dogs OF Australia, wLuch cir
7 cumstauce is supposed to explain TIN
+ action of New South Wales and othe
: colonies in forbldding tn. importation O
dogs from Europe and America.
i The power developed by the explosion
of ton of dynamite is equal to 40, 81
n tons raised one foot, or 40 675 foot-tons
!, One ton of nitroglycerlna similarly ex
y ploded will exert power Of 65, 452 tont
10 and one ton OF blasting gelatine simIlarl
e exploded, II 1850 foot. tons.
+. One OF the plans to make Paris sci
"A port is to convert the River Seine int
- a canal 50 feet wide The cOsU OF dredI
D ing, Is Is estimated at $40, 900, 600.
n A SUGGESTION; It is respectfully suy
- gested to the Methodist brotherhood
10 that, in lieu of the Elk months prob
n ton required of converts before accep
so ing them into full fellowship, til
l. awakened ones be simply required I
nj play one or two games of ctoquet.
n they come out of the ordeal with III
- ruffied temper, with no naughty wore
D upon their lips and no murder in the
s. hearts, then they can safely be take
d, into the church as marvels of grac
h. This is not only much quicker methO
In than the old one, but it is also vast
20 more trustworthy. It is a sure tes
WHY he was employed: Il say, 81
do you want to hire boy, sir" said
bright looking little fellow, as d
Of stepped into business offi}e. "Whi
it. can you do, sir?" was the responder
a inquiry. II eau tell the truth sir
81 was the bright reply, Don't wal
nd you my little man, my business can
nd stand truth telling" Better take IL
re hoy said by-standsr. 81 know hin
nd When he says he can tell I'll
an truth he lies like blazes. He can't {
ed it, nor bis father before hin, couldn'
lis either" Boy engaged ca modei