davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Cured 10y Laughter.

In treatise on laughter, Joubert
gives a curious instance. A patient,
being low with fever, and the physi-
clan in attendance at a loss as to
how he should produce reaction,
had ordered dose of rhubarb, but
after the medicine had been prepar-
ed, fearing its debilitating effects,
the order was countermanded. Not
long after, a pet monkey belonging
to the patient, that had been in the
room all the while, seeing the goblet,
slipped silly up and touched it to
his lips. The first taste was prob
ably novel, and he made comical
grimace. Another sip, and he got
the sweet of the syrup. Aha! Hls
vision frightened. He cast a glance
around and then drank it to the
bottom, where he got the full
strength of the rhubarb. Mercy
What a face he made The visage
of the disgusted monkey spoke vol
uumes as he tried to spit out the
horrible taste, but finding that in.
possible, he seized the goblet and
hurled it to the floor, smashing il
into a hundred pieces. The scene
was so ludicrous that the sick man
burst into a fit of laughter that lasted
until his nurse came IN. And when
he tried to tell her he laughed again
until he sank back exhausted in a
profuse perspiration, which LASTED
Intil he fell asleep. When he awokt
the fever was broken and he recov.
cred
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Facts Worth Knowing.

Every man has 240 bones. except
the minstrel end man. who has
244.
The lungs contain one hundred
and seyenty-iive million cells. This
is what makes man a practical
joker.
4 man breathes about twenty
times a minule-that II, unless he is
fat, or is walking away from a tailor
with 4 bill.
A mans average weight is 40
pounds. Except when be has to
wait for his wife to change her neck.
tie. Then it's 20 minutes.
The brain OF 4 man is twice as big
as that OF any other animal. That
is why really noble dog has so
much respect for a nine-spot man.
i mans brain weighs three and 4
half pounds. A woman's is some
what lighter but of finer quality.
That is what enables her To taste
lard in her neighbours pastry.
The heart in its normal condition
beats seventy-fve times minute,
but when a young man meets a
pretty girl at party and steps trem-
blingly up to profier an escort home
the number of beats-heart beats
Instantly mounts up to 162 in the
shade.
The average number of teeth is
thirty-twe, but when one of them is
decrepit, and in the dark it runs on
to an ambuscaded raisin-seed in a
piece Of wedding cake, a man is apt
to fancy that he has only one tooth
at the most, and that it is three feet
square.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Tired ali Over.

"No, it never amounted to an
acute pain, but continued to be a
dull weary ache in the small of my
back, writes Mr.. James Thomas, OF
No. 50 Madison street, Memphis,
Tenn. This was an old experience,
and life became dull music. | was
tired all over, with pain in the lower
limbs, and habit Of laying awake
of nights. Recently | tried one OF
Bensons Capcine Porous Plasters and
was decidedly relieved within twenty
four hours. 1t may have been Prov
idence that did the work, but | give
the credit to Benson's porous plas.
ter" Mr.. Thomas reverential idea
does him credit, but Providence
works by agents and among them
Benson's plaster ranks first as an
external remedy. 1t acts quickly
in relief and healing, and renders
life better worth living. Price p
cents. Look in in the middle of the
plaster for the word Capcine. Ask
your physician about it.
Seabury & Johnson, Chemists,
New York
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
School Report.

Following is a report Of the
Hooversville public school for the
month ending December Is, 1888
Whole number in attendance
males sc, females SO, total Y.
Average attendance during month,
Per cent of attendance during
month, 81
Number of visits by patrons, )
by directors, 1.
The following named pupils at,
tended every day Maggie Berkey
Ida Clark, Martha Clark, Ella
Hoover, Ida Hoover, Minnie John
son, Sadie Livingstone, Mary Slick
Mary Swank, Anannias Blough
John Clark, Joshua Clark, freeman
Clark, Norwood Crissey, Sammy
Hamer, Harry Hamer, Arthur
Keontz, James Lynch, Robert Lynch
Russell Ober, Stewart Ober anc
Charley Swank.
Tardiness has, heretofore, been 3
great evil in this school, but we art
making determined effort to eradi
cate it and therefore earnestly appea
to the citizens to see tnat their emil
dren start to school in due time.
NJ. J. KooNTZ, Teacher.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
He swere Himself.

A Montana postmaster, who ar
ranges the mail for the little town OF
Birney, lives eighty miles from a
notary public. When he sent in
his first quarterly report, he admin
istered the oath TO himself and then
certified to the correctness of the
account A reply soon came back
from the red tape headquarters in
Washington that he had violated a
sacred precedent and must get nota-
~ TO swear him. His retort was
that be knew no precedent which
would assure him mileage and trav-
cling expenses for l60 miles in order
70 get a notary's signature. This
left the department not a leg to
stand upon, and they have since pre-
served a discreet silence and allowed
the Montana man TO swear as be
pleased.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Why she Planted Roses.

\ farmer had in his possession,
but under mortgage, a farm which
contained the necessary buildings.
Like many others he was at one
time fond of the social glass, but was
happily induced by friend to Join
the temperance society. About three
months after he observed his wife
one morning planting rose bushes
and fruit trees. Mary" sdir he.
Il have owned this farm for five
years, and yet | have never known
you to care to improve and orna-
ment it in this manner" Indeed" +"
replied the smiling wife, Il had no
heart TO do it until you gave up
drink. had often thought of it
before, but | was persuaded that.
should | do 1t, some strangers would
pluck the roses and eat the fruit
but now, with Gods help and bless
ing, this farm will be ours, and we
and our children may expect to en-
JOY theproduce; We shall pluck the
rose and eat the fruit"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Biting Horses.

A foreign journal asserts that
horses are successfully cured OF this
vice by putting "a piece of hard wood
ah inch and a half square, in The
animals mouth, about the same
length as an ordinary snafIle bit. Ii
may be fastened by a thong of leath-
er passed through two noles in the
ends of the wood and secured to the
bride. Il must be Used in addition
TO the bit, but IN no way to impede
the working Of the bit. Rarey
adopted the plan with the zebra in
the Zoo, which was terrible brute
at biting. Mr.. Rarey succeeded,
however, in tanning and training him
to harness, and drove him through
the streets of London. Animals with
this vice should be treated kindly in
the stable and not abused with
pitchfork handles, whips, etc. An
apple, crust of bread, a piece of beef,
etc, and a kind pat, but firm. watch
ful hand and eve, with the use of the
above wooden bit, will cure the
most inveterate bitter. The fact that
he cannot shut his mouth or grip
anything soon dawns upon him, and
then he is conquered.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Shaker Costumes.

A decided shange in the dress Of
Shakers has taken place in the last
twenty years. Skirts were formerly
quite plain; now they are laid in
lengthwlse folds an inch in width,
In other words, they are killed. and
in the soft grays and stone colors,
with the silk or muslin neckerchiet
crossed over the bodice and the clear
cap shading-not concealing-the
whitening locks of hair, the effect is
that of gentleness and serenity
suited to the age of a majority of the
wearers. The little girls wear white
caps, instead OF handkerchiefs. ex.
actly like those worn by country
girls In England half century or
less ago.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Continued from last lcesk.l
How Watch Cases are Made.

Imitation always follows successful
article, and imitation is one Of the best
proofs of real honest merit; and thus it IS
that the james Boss Gold Watch Case has
its imitators. Buyers can always tell the
genuine by the trademark of erowIl, from
which is suspended pair of arr . MARX
scales. Be sure BOTH erosra and :
scales are stamped in the cap of the watch
case. Jewellers are very cautious about en-
dorsing an article unless they not only kHoT
that it is good, but that the character OF
the manufacturers is such that the quality
of the goods will be Kept fully up to standard.
WrLLIAMsPoRT, Pa. Feb. Is, 1ss3.
Tho James Boss Gold Watch Cases 20 Ike hot
cakes Each one / sell sells another. Don't need
10 recommend them; they sell themselves. one OF
my customers has had James Boss GoldW atch Case
in use for ~ years. and good as ever With this
case do ma hesitate 10 give my own guarantee, es
pecially with the new and improved cases, which
seem to be everlasting. JESSE I. LITTLE, JeiosisT.
NEW BRUNSWICK, Nj, Jan. 9. 15ssi.
This goll case, No. G6,6. known as the James Boss.
Gold Watch Case. came into my possession about lo
has been in use since that tine and il still in good
condition The movement is the one which wasin the
case when bought it, and its condition shows that
the case has really out-wOrn the movement Wilch -
playedout MARTIN A HOWELL,
Of Board Of Directors ". j. Il. r. e Trans. Co.
Send cent stamp keystone Watch Factories Phiis
d.phIa Pa handsome Illustrated Pamphlet showing how
Jaae. Bos.' and keystone Watch Gases are made
ITO be C0EtiHued.l
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Scared TO Death.

Surgeon General Francis tells Of
a drummer VINO died from the crawl
ing of a harmless lizard across his
legs while he lay half asleep. The
boy was shure that a cobra had bit
ten him. and the shock was more
than his nervous frame could bear.
The most remarkable death from
fear was that of the Dutch painter,
Pentman, in the seventeenth century
On a sultry day he had gone into an
anatomical room TO sketch some
death heads and skeletons for pic
ture he was painting. He fell asleep
and was aroused by the bones dan
cling around him and the skeletons,
suspended from the ceiling, clashing
together. He threw himself from
the window in a fit of terror, and
though he recovered sufficiently to
understand that slight earthquake
had caused the commotion among
kis ghcstly surroundings, he died in
a few days in a nervous tremor.
Frederick the First, of Prussia, was
killed by nervous fear. His wife,
who was insane, escaped from her
keepers, and dabbling her white
slothes in blood, rushed upon the
king while he was doing in his
chair. The king was not aware OF
her hopeless lunacy, and i'm
agined her to be the white Lady
whose ghost was believed to appear
invariably to any member OF the
royal family whose death was neal.
lie was thrown into a fever and died
in six weeks. The death of the
French marshal, De Montrevo, who
was a very ignorant and supersti.
tious man, was caused by a trivial
accident at a public dinner. Hav-
ing overturned a salt-cellar into his
lap, he spraEg up, declaring himself
to be a dead man, and in few days
his words proved true.-Compiled.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Singular Superstition.

Bill Nye, of the Laramie City
Boomerang, has been compiling a
list of superstitions. When you come
to make list of them, he says, it is
wonderful how many intelligent peo-
pie are the victims of the most unre-
sonable whims.
Fer instance, we are acquainted with
lady who is well enacated, and far
above the average class OF those who
constitute thegreat army efthe super
stitious, who never allows a breakfast
to be prepared in her house on wash
day, of anything but giblets of cod
fish and tit bits of superanuated
grub left over during the preceding
week. Her husband has struggled
to convince her of the utter absurdi-
ty of this practice, and tried to show
her that there is nothing in it, but
all his efforts have been worse than
useless.
4 friend of ours, too, who is COL
lege graduate, and boots at most of
the foIlies of the day, is still so su-
perstltlous on one point that he is a
slave to his singular whim. He will
not pass up the same side of the
street on which a creditor of his is
coming down. He says he never
has good luck if he sees creditor
over his left shoulder, or meets one
face to face. Some are superstitious
about white horses, owls and so
forth, but this man says he never
met creditor but right away after
he heard of some one being dun
ned.
Still another friend of ours, who
comes into the office every few days,
has a superstition that if he were to
spit in the cuspidore he couldn t
live to get home. Some day he will
find that he had better reverse the
theory, or he will meet with the
most horrible death that has ever
occurred in this region.
An old journalist we once knew
was suspicious about railroads and
different lines of transit that he
wouldn't take journey over any
railway until he had note from the
superintendent that could he shown
to the conductor on the way. He
said he tried to make a trip once
without this precautlon and met
with a terrible accident.
Nobody else was hurt, but he was
thrown off the train and over an
embankment twenty-seven feet
high into a frog pond eleven feet
deep.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09

A VALUABLE BOTTLE n THE d
LANTIC.-Two business men sa'
the office of the BrevO0rt ho-
New York. one evening receH'
discussing matters pertaing 10
sea. The conversation turning "
the possibility Of a sealed oo'
thrown from q vessel in mid-oe.
ever being picked up, one OF il
said:
Il will bet you a good dinner 2
a gold watch that such a bl-
thrown from the steamship boiI-
on her next trip, viii not be n7'
from within a year.
Il will take your offer, reia'-
the other with a smile, and W
certainly be ready for your a.--
when the time comes.
Henry n. Collier, a dsa-s.
watches and diamonds. was spl y
ed referee in the matter. Chus' .. .
direction a quart champagne @ g...
was prepared in which were ds!
tied letters of instruction written
English. German, French and oP-i-
ish, and also an order for
watch. After the bottle had -. y.
duly corked and sealed it was pl.-I
in the hands of Captain MchH,
the Bothnia, who agreed TO Ili'I . I.,
overheard when the steamsnIP ss,
reached mid ocean. The bo'I'
not vet been heard from.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
An Old Story Revamped.

4 Four gentlemen, says the New
York World, were seated at a table
in the smoking room of the steamer
Alaska of the Guion Line ON her
recent remarkable trip across. The
sea was running heavy and the
smoking room steward found 1t a
delicate matter to place glass and a
bottle before each OF the four gentle
men and to uncork the compliments
nv ginger ale otherwise than on his
head. The conversation turned on
1.-The extraordinary speed the steamer
was making, anc led TO a bet. In
covering the wager of a sovereign
upon trivial matter, one OF the
four gentlemen took from his purse
a guinea Of the reign of William and
Mary.
There are only two of them in
/ existence he said proudly, and
this piece is worth 2 hundred times
It's face value. Had | the other the
collection of two would be simply
invaluable TO numismatists.'
He laid it on the table as he spoke
and in a moment after the coin bad
disappeared. Nobody saw it fall or
glide off the table. Nobody saw
ANYBODY else take it. Its owner
searched high and low; his three
companions and the steward helped
him. No other persons were in the
compartment, and yet the coin
could not be found.
These four men had been stran-
gers TO each other when the voyage
! began. They had been five days
out and were rapidly nearing port.
The owner of the valuable coin was
/ inconsolable, suspicious and protane
by turns.
IN tell you what is the best thing
to do, said one Of the party. The
coin is not on the floor; 1t cannot
have rolled through the ceiling,
Somebody mere must have 1t. Let
all Of US be searched.
All agreed but one gentleman,
who had hitherto said nothing. He
positively refused to suffer such an
indignity. When it was suggested
to him that where all others agreed
no single person ought to object, be
simply declined, made his bow, took
his drink alone, and left for his state
room.
The good old ship Alaska plowed
on TO her sixth day, and just after
her completing it Fire Island was
sighted. The gentleman who bad
refused to be searched had been
kept in coventry the three others
who had sat at the table with him
unanimously suspected him.
But Just as the pilot came aboard
the Alaska the gentleman who had
lost the guinea found it sticking in
the sole of his boot, where it had
been wedged ever since he had first
displayed it. He was oveuoyed al
his discovery, and anxious to make
amends for his unjust suspi,
cions.
But said he 10 the gentleman
who had refused TO be searched
why on earth did you not agree as
we all did to such a simple test!
That would have settled the matter
Instantly
No, it wouldn't answered the
other.
Why not?'
Because (producing his purse,
there is the only other coin of the
kind in the world-same date, same
color, worn the same! That is The
reason | refused to be searched, fol
nothing Oh earth would have made
you believe this was not your own
coin, had you not been SO lucky a:
to recover it.
As the Alaska steamed into port 8
social glass removed all traces of un
pleasantness.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
The City ofGIasgow.

Glasgow is the second largest city
in Great Britain and the third in
commercial importance. In popu-
lation and manufactures it almost
equals Philadelphia, and for wet
weather surpasses any American
city, large or small, with which
am acquainted. The people are busy,
thrifty, industrious and exceedingly
polite, intensely national, but abso-
lutely ignorantand Indifferent about
America and American affairs. |
have not met any person SO ignorant
as the Italiant count who asked
whether it was not dangerous to
venture outside of New York on ac-
count of the Indians, but they do
not seem to know or care that in the
vicinity of the noble city of Tswson
there is a populous and thriving
village called Baltimore.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
what's Slang

In It's best sense slang Is OIL
tempt to get at the truth lg
shorter routes. 1t NAV not a.v
do this decorously, but, none
less, it generally manage, 90
there. Slang is the sworn ensr
circumlocution and periphns-
believes that ia literature, az u
ometry, a straight lineis thes-c,
distance between two points. !
almost invariably originates am
uneducated people this Is quite
ural. 1t is a stripping away O.
dry husks OF things to get the gu
er at the kernel. Its an uncoa-c
striving To attain to the actla.
and essence of thiugs-it Is. ID
lonely, common way, a bliudra
af-er what Mr.. Carlyle topic
calls the eternal veraclties.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Climbing the spira, 6.
Invisible Architecture t.
iand PARSONAGE NeNp,

Yes she said, our ob5,
married and gone, and MI yr'.d'sa
and | SIT by our winter Is. a's,
we did before the little oa.. ,,'s lol
widen the circle. Lie i - .o,. c-i'
like a spiral staircase; We n sOlasi,
time coming around owe, 4,I i s
we started from, only ona 'ls
further up the stairs. ' cso,
That is a pretty ilIps.-..
marked her friend. musir.i'-sa !:
into the glowing Goals WIS., sll,
ted pleasant heat fron "a ~
windowed stove. 'Ym I've d,
cannot stop toiling IN ,-l' -
though" '1s &
Surely we cannot, and
l don't find fault with tbair.'f i
provided the advance In Ft' '''''
attended with calamity or -, .ss
for l have had my sbars SUM, y, e
Not leng since my health ", M.
broke Gown, Ny system No. -', {
malaria my digestion beca1.' I, 4
oughly disordered and INV
were In a wretched stata
languid, ate little, and tbs, -.
enjoying it, and had no ST. @,.-
ambition to perform even ms
household duties. Medic Z
ment failed to reach the ssa. V e
trouble. The disease-wbic@
ed 70 be weakness OF an ~.
organs-progressed until / Nv
eral attacks which nv pbT.s
pronounced to be acute conc ~
the stomach. The last ofirs
a desperate struggle and Iv,.-
up to die. As the crisis had =,
ly passed my husband hegrs =
merits of PARKER'S TONE
invigorant IN justsuch cases a-
| took it ana ieIt Its good
once. 1t appeared to pe-y5
body as though the blessi., d. .
life had come to me. Ts+-.
other medicine l centmuea y .
prove, and am now in be,.s-
than | have been for a lon- H.
[ Extract from an interview MI.
wife of Rev. p, Perry. pastor a..
Baptist church, Coldbrook. Ma.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09

WANT OF FAITH.-IfC. Y. B
the Druggist, does not succeed
not for the want of faith. He
such faith in DR.. BosankOs Go
and Cung Syrup as a remedy
Coughs, Colds, Consumplion
Lug affections. that he will 2.
bottle free to each aud eveT
who Is in Eeed of a medicine oi
kind.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09

Messrs. Hiscox & Co. call She
attention to the fact that after 4
l6, 1888, the name and style o..
preparation viii hereafter be sin
Parker's Tonic. The word "GI
is dropped, for the reason that
principled dealers are constants
celving their patrons by subsutl
inferior preparations under then
of Ginger ; and as ginger is an
important hAvoring ingredIel
our Tonic, we are sure thai.
friends will agree with Us as to
Lropriety of the change. There
be no change, however, in the p
aratlon itself and all bottles
manning in the hands of del
wrapped under the name of ~P
ER's GINGER Tone contain the
ulne medicine if the signat1r
HIsCOX Il Co. : at the bottom 0
outside wrapper.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Ruin WRousgr rNrHe FoRr,

RUIN WROUGHT IN THE FOREST
How distressing it is to see acres of
trees cut down in the midst of a no.
BILE forest. How saddening it is also
TO see that thin spot in the midst of
your otherwise abundant hair. Stop
it at once by the use of Psrker's Hair
Balsan. For actual efficiency this
famous article stands at the head of
its class. Elegant for the toilet,
delicious in odor, and restores the
original color to gray or faded hair.
Economical, as a slight occasional
application keeps the hair and scalp
in perfect order JAM
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09

CAUSE AND EFFEcT.-At f,
symptoms Of indigestion are v,-
uneasiness Of the stomach.
moisture like perspiration, pr
ing itching at night, or when ON
warm, cause the piles. The sf
immediate relief upon the aos
ton of Dr. Bosanko's Pile Rsr-
which costs you but 30 ceus an
sold by g. n. Boyd.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09
Some say " CONSUMPTION

Some say Consumption cant
cured" Ayers Cherry Pecto,4.
proved by forty years expens
will cure this disease when ID.
ready advanced beyond ther reae.
medical aid. Even then fl,
affords very great relief, and lis.
refreshing sleep.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09

'Oh, will he b. te = exclaimed
of " ashingtou' 5 sweetest gir.s
q look OF alarm, when She :,
dancing bear on the street tAy o.
day. No, said her escort, lie
not bite-he Is muzz.ed bu, b.
hug oh, she said, with a 5eT
ing smile, L doE t mind that
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09

In Arkansas they call it ron
tic marriage where a couple Of
neighboTs get the brides latneri
back room and sit on him to
vent his interrupting and brsaS
up the wedding.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-01-09

So Mary Anderson's exit from the
stage is TO be as the Duchess of Port
land. Well, the Duke is rich, he is
not marrying her for money. He
has youth, she is not marrying him
to become an old mans darling. She
has brains, and therefore be is like
ly to size up to the occasion. It's a
cold day when Kentucky trotters,
Kentucky women and Kentucky
politicians get left.