, 1884-08-08
IN VERY HOT WATER.
Burdette Tells How He Once
Dined With Mr.. Hendricks.

with him.
| do not mention this fact in order t
create the impression that 1 am on easy
familiar terms with all the the candidate
in this Presidential campaign. I fear
am not. If | wanted $500 tomorrow
and I probably will; at least I want It to
day, and l am not the man to change m,
convictions on financial matters in twenty
four hours-I do not know a single candi
date for President or Vice President whom
| could so to speak, strike for tina
amount.
Well, Mr.. Hendricks had the honor o
dining with me-that is, we dined viii
each other. 1t was this way. I had beer
lecturing, after the count of 1876, GU
in the vast, free, glorious West. | wa
Fastening home to Burlington, over tn,
Chicago, Burlington & Quincy. On tina
same day Mr.. Hendricks was on his way
to California. Both day trains on the
Quincy road dined at Wormley's, Al
Charlton, Iowa. Mr.. Wormley met me
at the door of the dining room with even
more than usual cordially. He said to
me; "Good. | have company for you to.
day. Come right over to this table"
1 followed him and faced a gentleman
so much better looking than his campaign
portraits that l did not recognize Mr..
Hendricks until we were introduced.
His face was pretty attractive. His man
ner no less charming. l was pleased that
fate had cast me in his way. That is, !
was at first. He was so pleasant. 1 liked
him. Early in the course Of a brilliant
conversation about the weather, he said
You are the young gentleman who
writes the poetry on the Hdtokeye, | be-
lieve?" And you never saw a more be-
witching smile on a mans face.
Now, that was the very thing | didn't
want to talk about. 1 had been writing
whole pages of campaign poetry they
call it in the Hd1ckeye, but, you under
stand, that excellent family paper WASH
exactly a Democratic paper AT least, il
Nas no more Democratic than the most
rantankerous, rally round the flag, boys,
third term, Hayes and the whole ticket,
Republican paper of Republican Iowa,
could be expected to be. 1t was just
about as Democratic a. the Eagle is Re
publican And 1 knew what kind Of
poetry" l had been writing l ssfdgeted
a little, poured a spoonful OF sugar ID my
soup, and owned up that 1 was the man.
Then ! asked him how long he expected
to remain in California, 5go
He told me, and then said: 'sThers
IA one little poem"-how, see how kind
he was--he called it a poem. There
was one little poem you wrote, beginning;
There was an old hoosier as I've heard
teIl-now, how did the rest Of that go p
Go? Tt went for him, tooth, claw and
toe nail, and l knew it, and l believe he
knew it. l feebly said: II don't remem-
Der, emptied the salt into my coffee,
and hoped he would find rest and re
turning health in California" 1 Also
hoped that | would die in n few moments,
but | didn't say so. He thanked me in
his courteous manner for the wish I ex-
pressed, and then went on.
There was another, a good one; | can
recollect,onlY the second stanzai how did
the first one run z rrra
And Herewith he quoted a few lines Of
one of the meanest things | ever wrot.
about any man. While he quoted my
prize poem, pretending to forget til,
stanza that referred to himself, | was con,
fused; but | seemed distracted, as ]
spread FIVE very thick layers of mashed
potato on my folded napkin, under III,
impression that l was spreading a piece o
bread and butter. I said I wasn't very
well when | wrote that one, and had quit,
forgotten it Then l attempted to wipe
the cold, beaded perspiration from m!
brow with that napkin, and added to m!
embarrassment; | must have appeared
embarrassed or eccentric, 1 am sure.
Well, the long and short of it is, Mr.
Hendricks remembered every mean poem
[ had written about Mr.. Tlden and him
self during that bitter campaign, and h
could quote just enough of the innocent
good natured lines of each one to show m
that he had read it. | never saw a maj
with such a memory. | hope he enjoye'
his dinner. l think he did. He at
heartily and smiled good naturally all tn
time, and he babe me good-by very pleas
antly. Tam confident | showed off t
good advantage. If did. 1 dissembled
| didn't feel that way at all. But | didn'
run | sat there and took my punish
ment like a man. When Mr.. Hendrick
went to the train 1 arose and sought Nj
Wormley, to tell him about it. He va
lying on the floor behind the cigar countG
wheeling and choking like a man who
trying to laugh himself to death. | b.
gan to get mad. I said:
"See here, Mr.. Wormley-"
He feebly motioned me away. 'Trai
time he gasped. go to Burlington
go away. Let me die in peace"
l turned away and got on my train.
did wrong. 1 ought to have licked Worn
ley while he was helpless. 1t was the on
chance l ever had. And I never dine
again with Mr.. Hendricks.