The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-03-29

be ten, Judging Dy tne aihouhC ol
ennui I've endured since supper.
Hours don't fly on golden wings" at
my house, Punch, you artful, just
have the goodness to elevate yourself
from my collar and cravat. If ever
lay anything carefully down on the
floor, you are sure to put yourself
carefully on top OF it. Don't whine at
me; / sha'n't accept any apology.
Whew! what spectacle! Humphrey,
your eyes are getting little old, but
they are good enough to discover
considerable chaos in this apartment.
But then, being a single man, can,
OF course, arrange things geometricai-
ly or otherwise, just according to my
taste. Wish it didn't storm so hard,
SO could spend the evening out.
Don't know where it would be my du-
ty to go either. Let us consider.
Last night listened to discourse
upon the antediluvian foundations of
the earth, by one of the fossil remains,
concluded. Night before last l went
to the "club." Nice place that club is,
where we happy bachelors congregate.
Great hoax about our being pappy,
though wouldn't mention it abroad,
Club is good place for the cultiva-
ton of doubtful morals, but wouldn't
breath the fact anywhere, except
- right here in the bosom Of my family.
Last Tuesday evening II remember
we'll" Don't know what possessed
me, but / went down to my chum
Charley's, to see his married felicity, |
suppose. Must confess l didn't have
very felicitous call. How his six in
fants did torment me! Oh, shades of
my ancestors, think of a whole glassful
of milk on my spickest, spanest new
unmentionables! Think of the fran
tic attempts those specs of fists made
to pull out every one of my poor, dear
whiskers! by the way, wonder if that
was not the cause OF those white hairs
l discovered over my right ear this
morning! 1t can't be old age. Forty
one next week, il The family record is
true, but don't think it is myself q
What a confounded great tear in
my sleevel How interesting to con-
template! Wish / had wife to
mend-no, don't either. If any one
overheard me make that remark, of
course, they will understand I was
joking. Nothing like being iovial
over these little trials But then, af-
ter all, don't know but it might be
endurable to have little house, with
aneat little somebody in it to look af-
ter the dog. Punch, you rascal, get
down off that table; there is enough
on it now. There goes the ink bottle.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself,
sir. Where are your senses? You
have been INDUCED too much, and you
ought to come under the influence OF
ladies society. How the wind blows!
What miserable cigarl What a
benighted state of ignorance / was in
when / was young! / can actually
remember the time when Iconsidered
women as v Preside angels. Yes
Humphrey, you were an infatuated
youth. / was boy once, too, and
such very foolish boy. can re-
member, ieven now, how used to
glance across the old school-house to
see the merry, black eyes of Ada
Burns, was very confident Ada was
destined to be my wife sometime. but
] was forced to change my mind
when her father carried her away tc
the mysterious "West," and left mt
desolate. Yes, it was "litle Humfy
Grey" that sat down in the tall weeds
: behind the barn, and cried himself tc
sleep, because Ada was SO far away
Wonder where in the wide world thai
piece of dainty flesh holds sway nowi
But my tickle heart was soon com
forted, and sweet Fife Brown receiv
ed my devoted attentions. What al
angelic creature was Effie in my eyes
] remember how reverently | used K
hold her little hands to help her owe
the icy playground. or gravely askeC
her advice about my boyish plans
The last time / looked ON her white
still face, l placed rosebud in he
cold hand. and hoped it would
blossom in heaven All, well, littl'
.Efliei there never was a purer soul OF
earth than yours, and NOR,
than once the old tempter has beer
hafiled when / have thought of you
angel eyes watching me. How man,
long, erring years have passed sine
thenl Why, Humphrey, is that /
tear.ereeping down your nose? VIA
foolish old hoyl The ladies call yol
stone-hearted, and what would the,
say could they see that genuine drol
OF briny alesaent meanaeripg dow
the gentle declivity Of your old nos
in that telltale.manner2/ You ha,
much better weep for the lost love o
your manhood. But the fountain i