Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-28
INDEPENDENT.

What Congressmen Drink" is the title ot an article in an exchange. What congress men drink? Why, bless your soul, nearly al of them. What congressman do not drink I-Cincinnati Saturday Night
 Bland-''How did your son pass his col lege examination? I suppose he passed with out conditions?" Blunt-''Yes; that is tc say, they said they would take him under nc conditions. "-Boston Transcript A man in Norristown has been fooled SC often that he wouldn't read Blaine's letter until he looked at the bottom to ascertain if 1t contaiued the rider, ''Use Jones' Cast-Iron Bitters. For sale by all druggists Morris town Herald.
 It will be quite fashionable next fall fo1 people to close their houses for month o1 so and have it given out that they are down With the cholera. The natural infer ence will be, of course, that they have been abroad.-Boston Transcript.
 The young man from the country and his girl were drifting slowly into an iee-cream saloon, when the following met his eye: Vanilla, chocolate, lemon and strawberry ice cream, 50 per Gal" He turned and fled.-Rochester Post-Express. Wagner wrote the music of the future, and Walt Whitman, according to Boston critic, lis the poet of the future" This is another reason why we should not leave the public debt for posterity to pay. Posterity will have trouble enough.-Philadelph Call First po1itician-''Have you heard the news? Blaine won't run
 Second politician-EtGood gracious! It can't be true. Why won't he run?'' First politician-s'He won't have to. He will have walk over Philadelphia Call. '.Yes, s,D said old Surgeon Boggs in his lec-
 ture on anatomy, 'tthis beautifully mounted
 skeleton, young gentlemen, is that of my first
 and only wife. You will observe that her
 jaw is wired shut now. It is the only safe way-the only safe way."-San Francisco Post.
 Awkward idiot-'' Your train is quite long,
 Miss Lucy" Miss Lucy-E'It will not be so
 long if you take two feet off it'' He had in
 tended to conduct her to the supper table,
 but he had to get off the train very suddenly,
 so that some other young man undertook to
 conduct her to the banquet hall-Texas Sift- ings.
 Helpless as an infant, but with mind
 keenly alive to his position the lot of son
 of Mrs. J. D. Hance of Camden Ind, was
 truly a sad one until the anxious mother
 heard of the virtues of Athlophoros, the great remedy for rheumatism. She pur- chased bottle, and within week the lad was playing with his fellows The lady glad ly recommends the medicine to others
 There was no preaching in this town last
 OdDOdGn dnu HI III consequence or a practical joke perpetrated by lively young girl. The girl inspired by the world, the flesh and a little devil mixed, sat down, late one Satur- day evening and sent note to each one of the pastors The missives were on tinted paper and written nicely They each con tained these words: 'FAll is discovered Fly" Nine of the preachers fled to St. Louis and three went west. There is @ sensation in town larger than mans hand-Kansas City Times.
 A good story comes from an Ango-Indian legion. A sub-lieutenant took sick leave and spent his leisure in the steps preliminary to getting married. The colonel heard of the indiscretion and peremptorily telegraphed, "Join at once" With the fatal order in his hand the youth proceeded to say farewell to his betrothed. But the lady was more intelligent in military mat ters. 'T am glad that the colonel approves the match" she said, 'Fbut why is he in such hurry?" The sub-1ieutenant was still too literal for the fair one, who had fur ther to explain that to 'Fjoin at once" meant marry immediately. The result was that in AS hours the colonel received the following reply per telegraph: 'FYour orders are obeyed. We were married at once "-Glas- gow Evening News.