davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
THE MARQUIS As A MARKsNAy
How He Got Away with the Propr,s,o-
of an Air-Gun.
Naxr Ynrk

How He Got Away with the Propr,.,or
Of an Air-Gun.
New York Letter.
The man we laugh at is the Marouis
de Leuville. He is genuine and com.
ical nobleman. Not only is he grotesoue
but he is so much of the time in sight Of
a multitude that his amusing figure has
become publicly familiar. The popular
belief is that his shoulders are padded
and his waist corseted; but see no
reason for doubling that nature has piv-
en- to him the shape that is attributed n
artitice, considering the mental peculiar.
tiles which she has bestowed upon him
He has good enough brain, however
to have acquired an excellent education
to have held influential memberships in
foreign scientific societies, and to have
written poems and other things far from
ridiculous in quality. Moreover, he is a
marksman able to hold his own among
professional riflemen. But he wears ex.
aegerated clothes, his manners are alb.
surdly dandified, and he is surrounded
by amiable mirth wherever he takes his
droll way. When say that he com
manded attention amid the the curiosi-
ties of a crowded afternoon on Coney
Island l am making an extreme claim
for pre-eminence in his behalf
He stopped at the counter OF man
with an air-gun, took dozen shots, and.
inc itably, got into wrangle over the
amount to be paid. His British accent
and manners during the heated argu-
ment kept the crowd amused The dif.
| ference arose from the fact that. with
| his skill as marksman, he had by re-
peatedly hitting the bulls eye earned a
rebate that rightfully liquidated the en-
| tire bill-a contamination which the pro-
prietor by no means devoutly wished
"Sav, boss" said the latter, IN tell
you what III do. l Il bet you $40 you
don't get six bulls eyes outer ten shots,
and let that settle the whole business"
The marquis agreed. The two SO
notes were put In the hand of police
man. A gun was loaded and handed to
the nobleman. He fired. The mis lie,
a feathered spike, struck the target half
a foot from the center. He comprehend
ed the trick. The gun was one which
the rascal kept for just such occasions.
II was so arranged as to hit about Fix
inches from the point of true aim. lie
uttered not a word of complaint. But
the second shot rung the bulI's.eye bell,
and 80 did the ensuing eight
How did you do it?" he was asked, as
he carelessly stuffed the stakes into a
waistcoat pocket.
1T was as easy, me boy" he replied,
'to aim just far enough to the left with
a crooked gun as at the middle with a
straight one
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
by which one great, generous passion
stimulates another

by which one great, generous passion
stimulates another.
The causes which start men upon their
careers, are often seemingly the most
slight, and casual.
If man has good health, it is unfair
for him to ask the Lord to give him any
thing else because he ought to get it for
himself.
Fortune turns faster than mill wheel,
and these who were yesterday at top,
may find themselves at bottom to-day.
True glory takes root, and even spreads;
all false pretenses, like flowers, fall TO
the ground; nor can any counterfeit last
long.
II Is the flavor of man which gives the
beauty and comeliness to woman, as the
stream glitters no longer when the sun
ceases to shine.
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13

front seat in the crack theatre of the
town.
What is broker?
A broker is one who, in consideration
of certain commission, properly sees to it
that you "go broke"
What is put?
A put is an instrument in writing
which secures to you the right of putting
your money where you will never see 1t
again.
What is a call?
A call is an instrument of torture be-
nevolently issued by capitalist. The
profits you thought you would make
generally begin after it has expired.
Brokers sometimes accept them as mar
gin.
What is marpin?
A margin is a sum of money put up
on your deal. IL has patent right for
always growing smaller, and is related
by marriage TO a stop order.
What is a stop order?
A stop order is an electric machine
used in firing you out of the market.
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
A Ltghtwood Knot,

The following bit of wit upon the part
of a North Carolina girl comes to us
from the Greenbrier White Sulphur
Springs, the fashionable Virginia water
ing place:
Among the regular habitues is Colonel
B.. well-preserved, handsome old
beau of uncertain age. His society rec
ord is brilliant, and through he has
raised many hopes, yet season after sea-
son has ended and the Colonel has
yielded his liberty to none, His special
strength is pride of family, boasting as
he does, in season and out of season, not
onlythe bluest South Carolina blood
but the most direct Huguenot descent.
During the past summer there appear
ed fitting about the broad piazza and
through the long drawing room bright
dashing girl from the land of the Sky"
The Colonel, as usual, began the
scheme of monopoly, and the ambitious
young belle seemed nothing 10th to &C.
cord to him the coveted position as chief
of staff. 1t began to be whispered about
tlldt Tie Ooloutl WAS really III earnest
for once in his life. Those who knew
hi N best and watched him closest were
sure that he was on the eve of victory
His gait was more martial, his manner
more lofty than ever before, and the
poor, ancestral Huguenots were dragged
to the front without mercy.
Unfortunately, a bit of eavesdropping
in the dim star-lighted seclusion of what
the Colonel thought to be deserted
corner of the piazza told the story of
such woefnl discontinue that he fled
the place within twenty-four hours after
ward. He had evidently proposed in
his most pompous and condescending
manner, and had heard with amazement
a quie: negative from the young lady's
ligs.
"But, think-I am sure" said the
Colonel, hardly able to control his indig-
nant pride, "you do not understand;
you do not appreciate, Miss, the honor
that has been conferred upon you, that
you so lightly decline. am Hugue-
not of South Cardinal"
"Ah, Colonel. it is you who forgets,"
said Miss - with her most roguish
smile. "You do not appreciate the hon
or to which you aspire. | am a Light
wood Knot OF North Cardinal"
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
A BALL AND A HAMMOCK.
Hang Their Modest Heads and litter.
Burdett's Ardmore ARonies,

MOuttt uoouo anu I1tt0r.
Burdett's Ardmore Agonies.
The little Base Ball rolled under the
tree and leaned up against clump of
white clover to rest.
swell l am little tired" he said
with the air of a man who is pretty well
satisfied with himself and doesn't care
who knows how smart he is. 'I'n not
very big in circumference, but Pm busy
and get there in way to aston ish hu-
manity."
"What have you done?" drawled the
East India Hammock, languidly, making
lazy effort to swing little in the even.
ing breeze.
"Done?" said the little Base Ball scorn-
fully. What have l done? Since 2
o'clock have been at it. I broke the
short-stop's fingers, knocked the eye out
of the catcher, skinned the pitchers
hands, doubled up the umpire twice,
drove the wind clean out of the second
base, broke six panes of glass and wo-
mans head in the school-house, and
knocked spectator cold. What have
done? | haven't laid around all day, a
limp mass of protoplasmic network"
And he smiled in bitter triumph, as he
thus displayed his college training.
"Never mind" drawled the Hammock,
"do not be discouraged. Yor are begin.
ming very well and will doubtless be able
to accomplish something when you are
older and have had more experience"
The little Base Ball, dumb with amase-
ment, fairly bursted its seams with
wrath, but ere it could speak strong
man. weighing 264 pounds, sauntered un-
der the tree and swung himself into the
Hammock. 1t was all done so suddenly
that the tree hadn't time TO bark. A
swift movement of the Hammock, like
the rotary whirl of buzz-saw, a human
form tossed into the air like cork and
hurled to the ground with noise like
the fall of bale of hay on the deck Of a
wharfboat, and the little Base Ball was
driven into the ground like fly in a
currant cake.
"Alas!' ii said, in the tone of crushed
man, as it watched the moaning human
limp painfully towards the hotel. "Alasl
my pride is forever humbled. | will
never again sneer at gentleness. will
never despise the hand of steel in the
velvet gauntlet again"
His swinging conrade laut he'd mock
ing laugh.
"Similia similibus cure ranter," she
said-"it is the mild power subdues."
A smothered sob, ending in pitful
wall, was the only reply, and the strong
tree boughed itselfto hear the Base bawl.
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
The Terrible Sequel.
N. Y. Graphic.

Mr.. Jones: an stand it no longer,
madam. I'll lie down on the bed and
blow out my brains. Don't attempt to
dissusde me, woman. I've made up my
mind"
Mrs. Jones: II don't want to dissusde
you, heaven knows. But you ought to
think of me little. You might at least
have the decency to drown you self or
take poison"
Mr.. Jones: "Drown mysel, or take
poison!'
Mn. Jones: "Yes. Just think how
embarrassing it would be for me to have
the Coroner search all over the bed
clothes and not find any brains. Just
imagine Whist his verdict would be, and
how that odious Mrs. Smith would say:
i told you so.'"
Jones concluded TO postpone the job.
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
An Animated Streak Of horse flesh.
Cincinnati Commercial Gazette

Connersville is excited because a colt
belonging TO Colvin Stevens, young
farmer, living among the hills of Colum.
bia township, five miles south of the city,
has scored local record of PIG, pacing
one round on half-mile track in LOS.
The record was made last Friday in the
presence ofa large number of rural turf
man on very unuvenltrack. The horse
is light serrel, three years old this
spring, about fifteen hand high and sports
asilver name and tail. He is finely form
cd for racing, his general symmetry be-
ing slightly marred by q rather large
head. He was sired by . Blue Bull
llfcn, ais dam being scion Of old
TT =; sSsss - Az i ~ -
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
EARTHQUAKES.
Some Opinions OF Men who Don't Know
Much about Then.

pune OPAhious oi won WIN Doht nhoW
Much about Then.
How do you account for the earth
quakes?" was asked of the distinguished
astronomer and scientist, Prof. Simon
Newcomb, by a Washington reporter
"Why, simply by part of the earth Civ
ing way"
"Some of the scientists attribute it to
unusual changes on the surface of the
sum-" was suggested.
"Utter nonsense" was the 'eply
Char ges of sun spots undoubtedly have
an effect on the earth. They are apt to
cause severe hurricanes or to twist the
magnetic needles about, but they would
MT bring an earthquake"
"What does cause an earthquake"
"The only common-sense explanation
to my mind is that down in the bowels
of the earth, say from twenty 10 one hun
dred miles beneath the surface, there is
fluid matter which gradually becoming
cooled contracts, leaving space between
it and the solid parts. Heavy weights
on the earth's surface above the space
are apt to cause the surface to sink, and
there you have the earthquake"
PROF. TAYLoR's VIEWS.
"The line of the greatest disturbance"
said Prof. Taylor Of the Smithsonian in.
stitution, speaking of the recent earth
quake, "seems to have extended from
Connecticut to New Jersey. The range
of area of the earthquake indicated that
.he centre of disturbance was very deep.
IL it had been near the surface the shock
would have been perceptible only in
limited area. When the centre is at
great depth, the angle being the same,
the rsnge is greater"
PROF. CLEVELAND ABBE.
ave cannot go into the matter of
earthquakes to any extent" said Prof
Cleveland Able, because no provision
is made for investigations in that direc.
ton by the signal service. The most
we can do is to keep record for our
monthly report of such occurrences. |
often wish" he continued, that we
were authorized 10 study such matters,
for then we might be able to predict
them"
ain what way2" was asked.
"In the same way that they do the
earthquakes of Mount Vesuvius--by
studying the tremors in the earth. You
know there are constant changes going
on in the earth which occasionally man.
ifest themselves in an earthquake. They
can be foretold to certain extent BY
preliminary tremors, just as the approach
Of thunderstorm is announced by vi
brations of the telegraph wires"
"Then you don't think earthquakes
can be caused by any external changes,
such az sun-spots, for instance?"
"There is not the slightest connection
between earthquakes and sun-spots not
the slightest"
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
FASHION NOTES.
Chantilly is the coming lace.

Chantillyi is the coming lace.
Bonnets grow smaller, hats larger.
Shot silks will be worn another season.
The skirts of little girls dresses grow
longer.
The fall fabrics show spotted and
sprigged designs.
1t is said that trained dresses will be
worn again in the fall.
Fastidious women declare that lace is
becoming too popular.
There is decided preference for vel
low flowers at the moment.
Woolen braid rosettes and bands trim
many pretty seaside hats.
Colored muslin and lawn toilets rival
white for August wear.
The mother Hubbard bathing suit is
suitable for slight figures only.
Spanish laces are to be set aside for real
old Chantilly. revived for fall wear.
Dark blue serge remains the favorite
fabric for yachting and mountain suits.
All little girls dresses are made now
with skirts that reach well below the
knees.
Pretty checked taffeta gace silks sell
as low as 32 cents the yard in Twenty
third street.
The baby waist is worn by nine-tenths
of the young ladies at Saratoga this sum-
mer.
The Marie Antoinette fichu Of lace OF
muslin, elaborately frilled with lace, is
revived.
The three-cornered kerchief drawn a
la paysanne over the shoulders is correct
for country wear.
The jersey, in future, will take the
form Of well-ftted corsage, unlined
but shapely and well trimmed.
White and ecru serges, sprinkled with
black or brown spots, are used for skirts
of fall suits, with jersey waists.
Dust cloaks Of gray alpaca or rnohail
may be cut either to fit the figure or like
a raglan or long round cloak With q
care.
Waistcoats of white pique or white
corduroy are fashionably worn under the
cutaway jackets of cloth travelling and
utility suits.
The latest productions of the embroid.
cry machine look more like lace than
embroidery, and are in fact, fine speci.
mems ofpoint coupe.
White corduroy and white cheviot
dresses are much worn at the seaside and
mountain resorts this season on account
of the unusually cool weather.
The Fedora bathing suit is the novelty
in this line of garments this season. II
has Fedora front waistcoat, short har-
lequin sleeves, and long trousers.
A monkish looking long cloak of gray
or brown alpaca, or mohair or some light
wool, is the latest novelty in the form OF
a cache poussiere in France. 1t is long
round, and pleated in full to- straight
collar around the neck, and has hood
lined with bright silk.
In spite of efforts of foreign modistes
to make the long-pointed corsage de
rigueur on all house toilets and streets
costumes, the majority of Americas
young ladies wear white lawn and wash
dresses, made with full puffed waists and
yokes, and belt at the waist.
Dresses of tulle, in which there is just
a tinge of gray, when spangled with sill
yer and crystal beads, are specially suit
able for summer festivals. To loop the
draperies of such dresses with motif
representing flight of bright-wingeo
butterflies is tasteful as well as chic.
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
A Home-Made Nemesis.
Boston Globe.

81 see by the papers, father, that all
the candidates on the other side have
got Nemesis" said South End school
boy is his pa. What is Nemesis faith
er? lsit anything like bicycle?'
"No, my son, Nemesis is not like a
bicycle. A man rides a bicycle when
he knows how, and Nemesis reverses
the operation and rides the man, the
way bicycle does, occasionally"
What is it them"
HIN! what is it? Let me see; it is a
sort of q moral ghost, as II were, an eth.
cal independent, kicking conscience,
a-a-well, a sort of Nemesis, as near as
anything"
"But what is it ike, father? want
to see one."
"If you want to see one real bad, you
Just drink four cups of strong coffee, eat
half dozen links of store sausage and
top off with a cold mince pie, Do this
at 8 o'clock P. M, and then go to bed at
9:15 and you'll SEE NeuhesIses enough
before morning to last a lifetime. Now
run away and don't bother me while am
readine the paper"
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
she Gould Get Him some.

"Have you any pleasant front rooms
to let?" inquired man who was visiting
the rural districts.
Eyes, sir" replied the hostess.
"And fresh butter?'
"Yes."
"And good milkg'
ooh, yes"
"Weli, 1 think l will engage board;
but by the way, have you any malaria
hessss
sons any dne yoa want II"
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13

they have inherited these hmpid eyes,
these rosy cheek, these profuse curls,
these comely figures, and those musical
voices!"
The lady continued blushing.
"By the way, marm," said Uncle Dick,
"play bother you to tell your estimable
husband;thatsRichard ]. Oglesby, Repub-
lican candidate for governor, called up
on him this evening"
ALAS, good SIR" quoth the lady. 81
have no husbandp
But these children, madam-you
surely are net widowp
al feared you were mistaken, sir,
when you first came up. These are not
my children. This is an orphan asy-
lumw
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
lie Might Have Known II.

Paterfamilias, who is perusing the
morning paper at breakfast, meets with
an item that excites his utmo ost surprise
He says to materfamilias:
"My dear, only think of i'll eighteen
millions of eggs are consumed in this
country annually. Where in mercy's
name can they all come from?" Mater
familias, not without something of tone
of reproachful sarcasm; "Chie1y from
the hens, ! supposed"
The head of the house resumes his
reading with a mental objurgation at the
literalness of some people.
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
A Candidates. Mistake.
Chicago News,

Madam, may kiss these beautiful
children" inquired Uncle Dick Oglesby
as he leaned over the front gate.
Certainly, sir; there is no possible
objections"
S"They are lovely darlines," said Uncle
Dick, after he had finished the eleventh.
81 have seldom seen more beautiful
bsbcs. Are they all yours, marm?"
The lady flushed deeply
''Of course they hre--the sweet little
truasurss? From whom else msg,n could
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
NOBLEssE OBLIGE.

III am weak and and you are strong.
why then, why then,
10 you the Drawer deeds belong;
And 20, again,
II you have gifts and have none.
II have shade and you have sun.
sTis yours with freer hand 10 give.
'Tis yours with truer grace TO live,
Than 1, who giftleas, sunless, stand,
with barren life and hand.
We do not ask the little brook
To turn the wheel;
Unto the larger stream we look.
The strength of steel
We do not ask from silken bonds,
Nor heart Of oak In willow wands:
We do not ask the wren to 20
Up to the heights the eagles know;
Nor yet expect the lark's clear note
From out the doves dumb throat.
It's wisdom' q law, the perfect code.
BY love inspired;
OF him on whom much 10 bestowed,
II much required.
The tuneful throat IL bid to sing,
The oak must reign the forests king;
The rushing stream the wheel must move,
The beaten steel its strength must prove.
'Tis given unto the eagles eyes
10 face the midday skies.
Youths Companion.
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
Obeying the scripture Literally
Boston Advertiser.

In obedience TO what he considered
command, from God, NJ. j. Kinsley,
young shoemaker of Randolph, shock
ingly mutilated himself yesterday hV''
IDENTIFY he had been meditating on tne
lines, IF thv right hand offend thee CIV
it off," for he deliberately placed ne ne
right hand under o sole cutter IN 'n1
shop where he was employed ana ~
lowed the die 10 fall and cut the nsnS
completely ID. He II only q years "
age. %~ "a
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
Selected i3revities.
Think twice and speak once.

iniHk tWlce anu speak once.
An obstinate man does not hold opin-
ions. they hold him.
A man without ambition, is like dough
without leaven in II 10 make 1t rise.
The man who is always boosting of
Pahng bis nand, ssoally has The least
- - Psak.
1heuo = f1l,g1shlp sueng ~ vlE(Res
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
De FlNOD'S COMPILATION.

Ounoces
Hope is q sar,asm.
Woman is the heart Of man.
Love is the poetry ofthe senses.
Love begins too well to end we'll.
Vows of love prove its Inconsistency.
If fthe young knew-if the old could
One wearies delightfully."- with women.
Who elevates himself isolates him
self.
The morals of the world are only cas-
uistry.
What husband forbids, wife de-
sires.
+ Coquetsy is the desire TO please with
out the want of love.
Love is q torrent that one checks by
building bed for 1t.
: The anticipation for pleasure often
equals the pleasure itself.
We find nothing good in life but what
makes ms forget it.
Homeliness ia the best guardian of q
young girls virtue.
Love without q desire is delusion. II
does not exist nature.
There :s no game of chance more haz-
ardous than marriage.
1t is not always for virtues sake that
women are virtuous.
Memory records services with pencil
injuries with agraver.
It is necessary to be almost genius TO
make good husband.
Love is the beginning, the middle,
and the end Of everything.
The only secret q woman guards in
violably is that Of her age.
We quarrel with unfortunates to be
exempted nom pitying them.
The world ceases to be q pleasure when
1t ceases to be speculation.
He who pretends that he knows every
thing proves that he knows nsthing.
Pleasures may come of illusion, but
happiness can only come of reality.
The duration of passion is no more in
our power than the duration oflife.
To enjoy reading is to transform wear.
isome hours into delightful ones.
Marriage communicates to women the
vices of men, but never their virtues.
Wen, sage Evhemere, what have you
seen in all yeur travels? "Follies!"
Philosophy teaches us to bear with
calmness-the misfortunes of our friends
The world forgives with difficulty the
fact that one can be happy without it.
Reason is the torch of friendship,
judgment its guide, tenderness it's ali
ment.
Do you wish portrait that is not fat
tered? Ask woman TO make one of her
rival.
The attainment of our greatest desires
is often the source Of our greatest sor-
rows.
There Is in hypocrisy as much folly
as vice; it is ~ easy to be honest as to
appear 30.
w ~ 10 o ScLo ouuCu W ouE nOIdl Quall-
ties; but which standing alone, repre-
sents nothing.
To swear TO love always is to affirm
that two being essentially changeable
will never change.
The weaknesses of women have been
given them by nature to exercise the
virtues of men.
A woman is well served table that
one sees with different eyes before and
after the meal.
Nothing is more difficult than to choose
a good husband-unless it be to choose
good wife.
Women are happier in the love they
inspire than in that which they feel;
men are Just the contrary.
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13

The Pct eivss ~ regret. the pressnt
and tie future 6ear,
The Osceola times., 1884-09-13
stuck De4nitisns.
Wall Street News.
what isa bullf

What is bull?
A bull in . pesoE who talks much of
the prosperity Of the country, the vast
earning capacities of the railroads, the
~ crops out West; snd then eats ten
- mn6~idh A. his dinner.