The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1884-04-05
Cur 0lio.
Money Matters in the Family.
Etom the PhiLqdelphia Ledaer.

| way or OJner lies at Jne rOOC OF more family
discord than any other single topic. The
whole matter of earning and spending it, of
giving and lending it, of using and misus-
ing it, furnishes continual ground for dis
putes and hard feeling; and that family,
rich or poor, who only introduces the sub
ject for quiet consultation and mutual coop
Grafton, is, other things being equal, an ex-
ceptionally happy and harmonious one. 1t
too frequently occurs that in the early days
of married life, the question of income and
expenditure is thought too prosaic for dis
cussion The husband, full of generous
affection, determines that his wife shall
never want for anything; and she, full of
loving confidence, shrinks from asking pry-
ing questions, which might hint at lack
of trust in his judgment or discretion. So
the whole matter is tacitly avoided, and for
a time all may go smoothly. Presently,
however, changes occur. Perhaps there
are reverses in business, while expenses con-
tinue and even increase, and dissatisfaction
begins to be felt by both parties, though
the fatal silence is still preserved. At
length murmurs of discomfort are heard,
family at first, then more distinct, till at
length they rise into mutual reproaches,
more or less bitter, and the cup of domes-
tic happiness is poisoned. Each party feels
injured, and each is really injured, though
in very different way from what they
imagine In nine cases out of ten, the
trouble has come about not as they think
through meanness on one side or extrava-
ganceon the other, or diminution of affection
on either, but simply through alack of COM
mon sense in entering upon mutual busi-
ness without a mutual understanding. If two
men were to form a business partnership,
and trusting to their mutual friendship to
bring them success, should neglect to talk
over their resources or consult upon their
several plans and methods, it would need
no prophet to predict their speedy failure.
| No possible tie of affection between them
could excuse such glaring folly. Yet this
is just what hundreds of couples are doing
every day, when they marry and undertake
together the business of making and keep
ing home without full and mutual un-
derstanding of how it is to be done. The
affection and trust that should be the cor
ner-stone of every marriage is not sullied
| by discussing such matters; on the contrary,
it is carelessly endangered by expecting it
to fulfill tasks that belong onlyto that
common foresight and prudence which
guide us in all other affairs The time
has passed when the whole responsibility
and authority of pecuniary matters were
thought to be vested in the husband The
wife who fI'fills her duties at home as
truly Turns her share of the common fund
as the man who fulflls his duties abroad, and
bears an equal responsibility in its use; and
any lack of confidence on either side or any
sense of inequality is disastrous to both.
The same thoughtfulness is requisite in
considering the mutual claims of parents
and children. Early childhood, as nature
intended, should be free from all care.
skies, and all that comes to them is re-
ceived without question or wonder. But
as they develop into maturity, they should
be gradually taken into the confidence of
the parents and made partners in the fami-
ly interests. A large proportion of tilial
ingratitude proceeds simply from ignorance.
Children are brought up without any knowl-
edge of the family resources, of the claims
that have to be met, or of the limits of
possibility in the way of expenditure. What
they do know very thoroughly is their own
wants and desires, and when these are re-
fused, without any adequate reason that
they can see, feeling of resentment arises,
and rankles within them, and, by repetition,
develops into settled ingratitude to those
very parents who are perhaps toiling hard
and sacrificing themselves for their chill
dren's good.
Now, although in one sense all such in
gratitude is inexcusable, much of it might
be prevented by giving these young people
from the start an acquaintance with and an
interest in the family affairs. Of course it
would have to be partial and gradual, as
their increasing intelligence could take it
in, and thus it would become an important
branch of education. Infancy is the only
time when it is natural or right to be ex-
clusively recipient. Between this time and
full maturity giving and taking should be
wisely alternated until one becomes as essen
tial to the happiness as the other. 1t is not
kindness, but cruelty to neglect this train
ing in responsibility, to allow youth quietly
to appropriate everything and contribute
nothing. 1t is simply training in selfish
ness which quickly bears ingratitude as one
of its chief fruits. Children who are hon
ored by their parents confidence, and ac-
customed to add their quota of assistance,
and to bear their share of self-sacrifce
whenever the good of the family requires
it will rarely be guilty ofingratitude. They
are not opposed to, but in quick sympathy
with their parents, not because they are
gifted with specially sympathetic natures,
or are in any way superior to ordinary
young people, but simply because they have
been made sharers with their parents in
the cares and hopes, the responsibilities and
and labors of the family.
There is no sadder sight than family of
growing boys and girls, or grown up young
men and women, accepting coolly and care
lessB every form of sacrifice and favor from
loving anxious parents, who are wearing
out their lives in their service and reaping
only ingratitude and indifference in return.
Let every parent guard against such state
of things by the far more real kindness of
training the children from first to last to
share with them in the responsibilities, the
labors, the sacrifices, the economies, as well
as in the pleasures and comforts of the
household. Only in this way can family
be truly united and filial sympathy and
gratitude be thoroughly developed.
Stained glass is now so beautifully pro-
duced in this country that orders are received