South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1884-05-16
WIT AND xIUMoR.
On yes.' said old uncle Psebles, Who
was oeserioing . comedy he had seen,
oa yes It was funny enough to make a
aonkey laugh. ] laughed till cried

'oa yes, It Was funny enough to make a |
donkey laugh. laughed till cried,
SHE NEvEn CooxEp.-A b.na.ome
young and wealthy married woman vas
visiting at Newport lady's residence.
where vas also visiting an elderly mar.
fied woman who sndeavored TO put on
An elephant load OF style. Iudeed, and
i! must 20 home.' said the young visitor.
d must get supper this evening And
you can cook p supposedly asked the
Old 'un. 'Ob. yes; mother taught us
all how to cook Why. you don't tell
me! Do you believe it. never cooked
. m 'aPs victuals in my lifer Just then
tho old servant woman came into the
room from the kitchen, and, seeing tho
elderly married woman, ran to her.
grasped her by the hand and cried out
Well, declare to gracious! Molly, is
this your Faith and haven't laid me
eyes on yc since me and you used to
work at the hotel in Chicagy! An 1
hear it's married yo are /! Arrah an We
used to be the best cook in the country.
Have ye any children z
Il don't think much Of that said
waiter soornfully. as he picked up two.
cent piece given him by a customer.
Neither do l. replied the customer, 10Th.
crwisc shouldn't have given il to you.'
Arc you having having much practice
now 2 asked an old Judge of a young
lawyer. Yes, sir, n great deal, thank
YOU 'Ab. Pm glad to hear it. In wha,
limo lie your practice particularly p
We'll. sir. particularly in economy
ARE You Como To KISS MnT-If
ever go into a new locality again, 1
will study up my geography better than
1 did this time; for my ignorance got
me into most uncomfortable position.
As the boat neared Sandford. was
standing with others on the deck, when
avery pretty young lady camo up to me,
cd into mine with pair of lovely eyes,
and asked: Arc you going to kiss me,
sir!' II some one had offered TO lend
me ten dollars l could not have been
more surprised. and hardly knowing wha,
to say, and in order to gain a little time,
1 gasped out, Pardon, Misc, wha. did
n a / oil hot ha 4.
her, but she said swee,ly.' Are you go
Ing to kiss mo, tonight 2 There was
no misunderstanding her this time.
heard her, and so did others AMI | felt
the blood rushing into my face, at l
stammered out, L would like to accom-
modate you. miss; would truly; but
have wife and thirteen small chill
drcn on board with me, and if my wife
should sec me kissing you Kiss
ing me, You hateful old thing who ask
ed you to kiss me?' You did, yell.
ed; You asked me twice!' You oil
fool, l asked you if you were going to
Kisime-Kissime City to. night; don't
you know anything! and off she went,
and il ever anybody felt meaner than
did l would like to exchange photo
graphs with Linn.
A GREAT MIND.-It was at q dinner
party, and they were criticising Mr..
Brown.
But, pa said little Johnny, Mr..
Brown has a great mind
What makes you think so, son q ask.
cd the father, looking around serenely
Mt his guests.
ooh, heard him say so to himself
Attbis there was general laugh.
You heard him say so himself, eh ?
Como, tell US what he said
'ile said he had great MUD TO sue
you II you didn't settle that bill you
owe him
CAN You TELL Me ?-What is the
difference between the head boy Of his
class and three and Dine-tenths One
is foremost and the other is most four.
What do men never wish 10 be in yet
labor hard TO possess I? Bonds.
What may be called the drunkard's
age? Wrecksge.
What pit is OF great use in the world?
The pulpit.
Why is newspaper Office like ba.
kerry 2 Because the editor makes puGs
and the printer often makes iumbles
aud pts.
Why Is farmers gro3n hand like
Plato 2 Ho is no mover (nore.)
A little fellow with tall stalwart
wife, was asked By friend il the con-
trast between them didn't often expose
him to notifying remarks. 'Oh, don't
mind that he said checrfully; but since
Sarah's grown nearsighted l have TO