The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1884-10-29
WIT AND HUMOR.


The New York doctor who announced
that ice-cream was safe and wholesome
has mystoriously disappeared. Sever
al impecunious young men are sus-
pected.
.4Oh, don't propose to me here!" ex-
claimed . Young lady. whose lover was
about to pour out his ayowal as they
we're riding BY eorn-feld, 'sthe very
corn has ears.
A young gentleman wishes to know
which is proper to say on leaving q
Young lady friend after late call
good night or good EVENING" Never
tell lie. young man. Say good morn
ing.
.s'Tis love that makes the world go
roundI'' exclaimed the married man
whose wife had chased him around the
room till the walls seemed to spin like
the many skirts Of ballet in fourth
class opera.
Girls, when you marry, be sure to
wed big, strong. healthy, man. While
in nine cases out of ten he won't bring
up the coal, he'll come in handy in the
fall to sit on a Bible filed with autumn
leaves 70 press them.
A headstone at Portland. Ore, is
adorned with the following epitaph:
Beneath this stone our baby lies,
1t neither cries nor hollers,
/ 1t lived but one and twenty days,
And cost US forty dollars.
Miss Lulu Hurst's power of making
men do pretty much as she pleases is
only wonderful in the method of its ap-
/ - ffoalf hos hoay1 a
speciality with the fair sex ever since
Eve wheedled Adam into taking a bite
of that apple. - Wilmington Star.
The Majors hottest action: Sub Ito
! the Major, Just returned from Egypt
with the v. C.)-'.By Jove, Major,
you've seen some service. Which do
YOU consider the hottest action you
were ever imp The Major-"One in
the Queens bench years ago-for
breach of promise.
Mrs. Millefiower Ito dressmaker, who
has just taken Miss Millefower's meas
ure): 81 wish you to make two waists
for this dress" Dressmaker (who is a
little deaf: Two waists, Mrs. Mile
fiowerP'' ''Yes; my daughter $ receiv-
ing the attentions of q young man, and
one waist won't last no time. !"
.'Say, Tobbs," said young fellow,
meeting him late in saloon last night,
.'you're lawyer and scholar. Which
would be right drank blindly, or, l
drunk blindly?" ''Nezzer's right, p"
said Tobbs, bracing himself up on the
counter. ''You should say, I'm blind
drunk" The witnesses present thought
so, too.-SciSSorS.
MY dear sir. look below" said a
Harlem man. just as he stood on the
bridge with his wife and gazed at tug
hauling line of barges. such is life
tho tug is like man, working and
toiling, while the barges. like women,
are'e'.I know" interrupted Mrs. G.,
acridly, ''the tug does the blowing and
the barges bear all the burdens. -
Harlem Times
mo, young man, shall not give my
daughter to any one not able to sup
port her. Why, you are not worth q
fraction of a cont" ''You certainly
labor under q mistake. l own ten
mills" ''Ten millsP" ''Yes." par
don me. Take her, my boy; take her. "
N. B.-After the wedding the old man
was reminded that ten mills make q
Philadelphia Call.
A gallant old gentleman from the
South found pinned to his door at q
Saratoga hotel pretty perfumed note
in French in feminine hand. Over
come with pride as he thought of the
conquest of some fair unknown, no
showed the note to a party of friends
after breakfast, and one of them trans
lated it to him. It said: dear Sir
Do not snore so loud, as we poor Great
ures across the hall are unable to sleep
with the noise"
She had just returned from Vassar,
and papa was stroking her hair fondly.
81 hope, my dear" said the old man,
''that you haven't acquired any of that
vulgar slang which SO MANY Vassar
young ladies are said to use." You
bet 1 haven't. papa" she replied
brightly. when anybody catches
me talking slang he is cordially in
vited to slug me in the seventh rib. )"
That is right. my daughter; never
indulge in slang. 1t gives young lady
dead away. "-Nea0 York Sun.
This is the way a Partisan advertiser
Utilities science: Tea and coffee con-
tain tannic acid. the essential part of
oak and hemlock; milk contains albu-
men and fibrin in the same manner as
flesh and skin. Add milk to coffee and
a turbidity ensues. of which each parti-
Gle is tannate of fibrin, j. e., an atom
of leather. In lifetime a man thus
consumes hundred pair of boots, but
no man could thus consume the elegant
and scientific footwear only to be
found at Rue de-."-F0reign Let
ter.
The most candid young man in town
is Nieodemus Murphy. He called at
the Office of a wealthy citizen and said:
II want to marry your daughter. l
can't live without her. care you ac-
quainted with my daughterP" 'tNot
in the least" ''How, then, do you
know that you can't live without herP',
well, heard you were going to give
her lots of money when she married,
and my personal expenses are so heavy |
can't live without her-or some other |
woman who has got money to support
q husband.
Mand ta0b L. y = -. Al --.-10Y1 /