Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-04-25
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Two for scent-The nostrils.
A trim person-The milliner.
Walking illustrates two soles with but
single trot.-NsJ0 York NeCS.
The best hand to hold in the game of
life is that Of your best girl Waterloo
ObSerUer.
Ella Wheeler asks: "Have you heard
of the Valley of Babyland ?" No, but
we have heard ''from" it late at n;qht.-
Hartford Post.
A new book is entitled "What Can
Woman Do2 An answer to the question
can be found by asking most any bald.
headed naturalization Independent.
A Queen City girl eating souse,
Caught glimpse Of a beautiful mouse,
When the note that she reached,
As she stood up and screeched,
Would have drawn a $40, 900 house
The old proverb says that Care will
kill cat" If that is correct, large
consignment of care can find employment
for some time in our back yard.-Der.
rick.
Young Man to Druggist-"Can you
give me anything to remove superlluous
hair2" Druggist, (thoughtfully scratch
ing his bald head)-"Hem! why don't
you get d7"--SomeroiI1 Journal.
'Is your wife acquainted with the dead
languages9" asked the professor of New
man man. "Maybe she is" was the reply,
"but the language she uses is entirely too
warm to have been dead very long. -
MilDaukee Sentinel.
"What do you learn from the parable
of the wise and foolish virginsf" was
asked in a Texas Sunday "That
we must watch every hour for the BRIDE
groom" a blushing Galveston girl re-
piled. GaIrestOn NeuS.
Cooked potatoes, says the american
Farmer, "are eaten greedily by hogs"
Right you are. We have seen a hog at q
hotel take the last one out of the dish be-
fore any human being at the table had
bite.-BurIingtOn HaOkeye.
Elephant trainers say that animal ex-
hibits great terror at the sight of mouse.
This isn't the only respect in which the
animal resembles woman. 1t can't go
any distance without taking trunk with
t.-Phiadelphia Chronicle.
"You see this passage is marked f,'>
said the teacher: esp means forte, and
it means to sing it louder" "Forty
means louder, does it ?" asked the pupil.
eyes" "Then when its marked forty it
should be sung like sixty."-Derrick.
II belong to one of the first families o.
the city," said boasting youth. Yes"
was the reply of his tailor. "Your family,
have been informed, is always the first in
asking credit when new storekeeper
starts in your neighborhood. - Chicago
San.
Some French scientist announces that s
bee can pull thirty times as much as a
horse in proportion to its size. A bee,
no doubt, can pull good deal when it
feels like pulling, but it is probably more
at home and less embarrassed when push
ing.-Philadelphia Call.
The ladies who live on Capitol hin,
Washington, have chosen Monday for re-
ception day. 1t is not stated, but they
probably do their washing one day later
in the week. Some society ladies must
resort to strange expedients to keep up
appearances.-Norristoaon Herald.
Aspiring Artist must say it is very
inconsiderate of your father (Sarcasti-
cally) suppose if were a pork packer
like himself he would not object to our
marriage. Dutiful Daughter-Very likely
not. He says he prefers good pork to
bad pictures, ,-Ne0 York Lye.
Isn't it curious to think that the same
citizen who may be heard on club nights
believing forth the bacchanalian ditty,
Landlord Fill the Flowing Bowl" can
softly Groom his youngest to sleep with
the seductive melody, "Hush, My Babe,
Lie Still ana Slumber "-BurlingtOn Free
Press.
A young Alexandria miss
Was asked by her beau for kiss,
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