The Wilmingtonian. (Wilmington, Del.) 1882-188?, 1884-08-02
HUMOROUS.

at partridge; the cap snapped and the bird
flew off. Just my COMPOUNDED luck -
exclaimed Brown .'miss fire every time"
"Have patience" consoled Fogg : ''You
may have better luck in another world"'
STATISTICS disclose the fact that of every
ten children born in Wales, less then seven
ever reach their twentieth year, The others
according to the Burlington "Hawkeye,"
are worn out, learning to speak Welsh.
A BALD headed professor, reproving
youth for The exercise of his fists, said
1--WE fight with our heads at this college,"
The youth reflected moment then replied:
sab, | see, and you have butted all your
hair of"
The young man from the country and his
girl were drifting slowly into the ice cream
saloon, when the following met his eye
''vanilla, chocolate, lemon and strawberry
ice cream, $3.50 per GAL" He turned and
fled.-ROchester Post Eapress.
A white man, not long since, sued a black
in one Of our courts, and while the trial was
before the judge the litigants came to an ami
cable settlement, and SO the counsel stated
to the court. "A verbal settlement will not
answer" replied the Judge; it must be in
writing" 'IIere is the agreement in black
and white, " responded the counsel, pointing
to the reconciled parties. "Pray, what does
your honour want moie than this %
HAVE PATIENcE.-'I know my DEAR"
said the young doctor to his wife, ''that we
are not rich but after while our luck will
change, and we will have everything we
want. You must learn to have patience"
Don't preach what you don't practice. If
you'd learn to have patients we would soon
be out of trouble, and she whisked out of
the room so full of feeling that she stopped
over at the eyes. Merchant Ifdgelor.
'WAITER p
Eyes, sah.'
"There's a little chicken in this boiled egg
you brought me-
Waiter eyes the egg curiously to satisfy
himself, and then answers assuringly:
"Dat's all rite, boss don't spose de old
man III mex emmy extra charge for de
fowel"
LIVE WITHOUT WORK.
"Well, Pat, twas asked of recently
arrived emigrant, 6 and how do you like
America ?''
Its foine counthry, sor."
"Have you succeeded in getting work
yet 9'
''No, sor but have friend in Washing
ton who is afther getting me pension"
MAKES DIFFERENCE.
''NIy son, " remarked father, "what do
you pay for those cigars ?"
"Twelve dollars box" the young man
replied, and they are cheap at that Try
one."
''No" said The old man, 81 can't afford
to smoke such expensive cigars. am
compelled to get along on two-for-fivers''
Il am sorry, father" the young hope
full responded, with some compassion "but
You see you have mother and me to sup
port"
RATHER EQUIyocAL.
Mrs. C.--"Why, how can you think of
asking me to start on a journey on friday"
Mr.. C.-'And why not on Friday?"
Mrs G. ''You know that Friday is an
unlucky day"
Mr. C.-"You certainly did not considerit
so at one time"
Mrs. C.-"Why ?"
Mr.. C.-'If you had believed Friday to be
an unluccy day, you would not have mar
ried me on Friday"
Mrs. Cit was after that that | had
changed my mind about Friday"
CHANGE OF TASTE.
Jinks.-"What has become of Miss Blank
that beautiful girl of eighteen, who was
the belle OF the Spring last season ~
Finks-"She still lives in the city,"
Jinks-"Indeed! have not met her any.
f where, and, by the way, have not seen heI
father for sometime. What jolly old fell
low he was His accumulated millions did
not seem to burden him bit. lie is not
dead, is hep"
Finks-"oh, no! he failed last fall lost
every cent"
Jinks-"You don't say so But the
daughter she is as lovely as ever, l sup
pose ?" .-.
Finks-" Well, she is not as pretty as she
was"
HISTORY tells us that George Washington
never told lie so it was very plain thai
: George did not learn to smoke while his
parents were alive.