The Wilmingtonian., 1884-12-27
ESPECIALLY FOR. THE LADIES
A.NAuoHTy HUSBAND.


"You see, Martha got into the habit of
sitting up for me at an early age, and she
can't break 1t off. l couldn't persuade her
to go to bed aud mind her own business, so
l studied on the matter. We live in one OF
the centre houses of block of fiye-stoTy- and
attic buildings. There's scuttles in the roofs
of all of them, and persuaded Mr.. Greenup,
who lives in the adjoining house,to let me in
his house last night about o'clock, and
went up through his seuttle and over to
mine, and so down into our bedroom.
could see Martha, from the head of the
stairs, sitting in the front room eying the
clock with look that was a very tart chro-
mo. But undressed and quietly got in
bed, and there lay waiting developments.
Every now and then I'd hear Martha give
short, tidgety cough. Then I'd hear her get
up and prance around the room little, and
by and by go to the front windows and slam
the shutter.
'After I'd lain there about an hour heard
her get up and go stand out on the front
steps for a good five minutes. Then she
came in and slam the door and locked it and
commenced coming up stairs. Every other
step she'd say: ooh, the wretch, won't
give it him | know where he is! He
needn't think to deceive me! Oh, the will
ian!" 'tBout the time she had got to the
landing think she must have seen the light
streaming out Of the door that I'd had left
open. could hear her stop, and then
commenced to snore | was afraid to look
in. Well, sir, I'd have given my pension
from the war of 1776 to have seen her about
the time she saw it was me. I'll bet it was
fun. But was afraid to do anything but
snore Then she came into the room, and,
by the way she breathed and stood around.
had to nearly bite my tongue off to keep a
straight face on me- l could feel that she
sat down in a chair, and was dumfounded.
never let on but kept on snoring like thun-
der; but when she knock over a chair turn
ed and pretended to wake up kind Of daz-
ed like, and says:
''Why, Martha, dear, amt you come to
bed yetp''
''Jarphly, said she, awful slow and solemn
like, when did you come IMP"
'Why, must be four or five hours ago
Don't you remember when told you not to
go to sleep again in the rocker, but to come
up to bed?" and turned over and professed
to go to sleep again.
''She never made any reply, bnt acted in
dazed, bewildered sort of way, and when
she got to bed I could tell she didn't sleep
wink for three Or four hours.
"This morning it was fun to watch Mar
tina. could hardly keep straight face
at the breakfast table, and all the time l
was about the house, she'd eye me when
she'd thought wasn't looking; then, when
I'd notice her, she'd turn away and be aw-
fully busy at something, She caught me
kind of grinning once, and, by George,
thought the explosion was about to come.
But it didn't, though the look of blank, un.
fathomable suspicion she wore on her face
all the time was the greatest show on earth
1t nearly broke me up and laughed till
my ribs ache ever since. | know it won't
last. l know there's day of-repenting q
coming, and the thermometer is going W
clear out of sight in the Jarphly family
but who's going after trouble? It'll come
soon enough without hunting it, and Tn
going to enjoy the scuttle in the Ioof unit
the explosion comes. = Chicago Tribune.