Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-10-27

The fall overcoat belongs to the clothes
Of the year.
The costliest luxury which can be
thought of is ignorance and stupidity.
"Don't lie much on your left side" says
a writer. No, if you must lie do it on
the winning side.
Little children are buds of promise,
and often look well growing at the tin
gle end of switch.
There is a place in Mexico called
'Boiling Hot Water" 1t is the residence
of the county sheriff.
1t is said that glue is used in the cheap
er grades of ice cream. That is ice
cream ''with stick in IT.
The coming buckwheat cake will be
like the great orb of day, it will rise in the
yeast and set beneath the vest.
Sleeping car conductor-"You can roll
in whenever you want to-" Fat man
''Yes, and roll out when don't want to-"
''Is man inferior to woman?" asks a
| correspondent. That depends altogether
on whether it is married man or bach
| elor.
A man in Minneapolis has a pet hog
which follows him about everywhere.
1t must be pleasant, both for the hog and
| the man.
nlp frtraXr nd, dom, 6o3
temperance orator, and red-nosed
man on a back seat spoke up. The (hic)
| undertakers.''
"All paths lead to the grave" wrote
| the poet. A wicked eclectic says that
remark ia undoubtedly true, but partic-
ularly SO of the allopaths.
| "Satin-lined purses are the style this
year, says fashion paper; but we pre-
sumo the old gold and greenback Innings
will still retain their popularity.
st. Louis girls are working their names
on their gentlemen friends suspenders.
This is a gentle hint for the young men
to return the compliment and supporter.
At breakfast. The new waiter address
es his mistress: "Will Madame take
hash?" "No, thanks The waiter, with
the most gracious air in the world, ssWell
| will not insist"
An Ohio oarSman has been arrested fol-
making counterfeit money. He should re-
member it is one thing TO forge ahead on
boat, but quite another to forge head
on $40 bill.
A cyclone in Kansas carried away /;
bank building, but as the cashier had de
parted in an opposite direction the day
before, it wasn't thought worth while to
hunt after the bank.
A Spaniard in the first pages of hi
English grammar, desiring one evening
at table to be helped to some boilet
tongue, said, II will thank you, miss, t,
pass me the language"
Although it was the compositor VIII
substituted an h for in the editor
item about ''comely' young lady, i
was the editor who was at the druggist
next day inquiring the price of hair re
storer.
A western school teacher, lamentin
the early marriages of some of her youn
lady pupils, spoke of one girl in particr
lar, who was married last week at the 40
: of fifteen, and said she did wish she coul
have taken the girl through fractions b,
fore she got married.
At dinner party the waiter contriye
to spill plate of soup over the dress {
a lady, who raises terrible to-do an
e. seems likely to go into Mysteries .Pra
Iii do not worry about it, madame" sa,
he the waiter reassuringly, s'there's plen,
H. more soup in the kitchen. I'll get yc
er another plate"
m,
A patent medicine manufacturer die
in New York last week. Before he die,
his friends asked him how he would iii
to be buried. He had just strength lie
to say "lnsert me top column, next
reading matter. 80 times, electro by mail
and then he closed his eyes and passt
away TO that bourne where there are I
J omissions nor yyroptr ;roac<;on,