The Opelousas courier., 1884-10-04
A TRUTHFUL TRIO.
Stories Related by Mark Twain, Il
t~rOleVaHal v. Nasty. and Ell Perk ie,

L . E.H -
Stories Related by Mark Twain, Pc,
trOlesan v. Nasty, and ELI Perkins.
Mark Twain and Petroleum v. Nasty,
says Dom Piatt, dined with Eli Perkins
at the latter's residence in New York.
The conversation at that dinner I shall
never forget. The stories told and the
"reminiscences brought out at that din
ner would fill q small book.
After the last course and after the Ia
dies had withdrawn, the conversation
turned upon horses. Finally Mr.. Twain
laid down his cigar and asked Perkins
and Nasty if they had ever heard of a
fast horse he Mark used to own in Ne
vad-.
81 think not" said Nasty.
"Well, gentlemen" continued Mr..
Twain, as he blew a smoke ring and
watched it. "'That was q fast horse. He
was q very fast horse. But he was so
tough-bitted that / couldn't guide him
with a bit at ALL"
Chow did you guide him2" asked Eli.
"Well gentlemen, l had to guide him
with electricity. l had to have wire lines
and had to keep a battery in the wagon
all the time in order to stop him."
"Why didn't you stop him by holler-
ing who-a2n asked Eli.
"Stop him by hollering who-a!' ex-
claimed Mr.. Twain. "Why, | could not
holler loud enough to make that horse
hear me. He travelled so fast that no
sound ever reached him from behind.
Ha went faster than the sound, sir.
Holler whoa and he'd be in the next
town before the sound Of your voice
could reach the dashboard. Travel
fast?' I should say he could. Why, I
once started from Virginia City for
Meadow Creek right in front of one of
the most dreadful transforms we ever
had on the Pacific coast. Wind and
rain2 Why, the wind blew eighty miles
an hour and the rain fell in sheets-just
on the edge of that hurricane and rain
for forty miles"
'sDidn't you get drenchedw
SD enched2 No, sir. Why, I tell
you, I drove right in front of that rain
storm. / could lean forward and let the
sun shine on me, or lean backward and
feel rain and catch hail-stones. When
the hurricane Stacked up the horse Stacked
up, lOO, ana 8I1Cu II btC" lbSUCI l. Just
said 'g-lk!' to the horse and touched
the battery, and away we went. Now,
! don't want to lie about my horse, Mr..
Perkins, and don't ask you to believe
what l say, but | tell you truthfully that
when | got TO Meadow Creek my linen
buster was dry as powder. Not a drop
of rain on the ~wagon-seat either, while
the w~agon-box was level full of haiistones
and wafer, or I'm a a."
Look here, gentlemen" interrupted
Mr.. Nasty, Speaking Of the truth, did
you ever hear about my striking that
man in Toledo?n
Mark said he had never heard about it.
"Weli, sir, it was this way: There was
q man there-one of those worldly, skep-
tical fellows, who questioned my veracity
one day. He said he had doubts about
the truthfulness of one of my ros roads
incidents. He didn't say it publicly,
but privately. I'm sorry for the sake
of his wife and family now that he said
it at all-and sorry for the man, too, be-
cause he wasn't prepared to go. If he'd
been a Christian it would have been
different. | say / didn't want to strike
this man, because it's a bad habit to get
into-this Egakjng a human chaos out of
q fellow-man. But he questioned my
yeracity. and the earthquake came. /
struck him onee-just tonoe. | remember
he was putting down a carpet at the
time and had his mouth full of carpet
tacks. But a man can't stop to discount
carpet-tacks in a mans mouth when he
questions your veracity, can hc2 l never
do. I simply struck the blow"
"Did it hurt the man much?" asked
Eli.
81 don't think it did. 1t wa too sud-
den. The ~bystanders said if | was going
to strike a second blow they wanted to
move out of the State. Now, I don't
want you to believe me, and I don't ex-
pect you will, but to tell you the honest
truth, Mr.. Perkins, I squashed that man
right down into a door-mat, and his own
wife. who was taking down one edge of
the carpet at the time, came right along
and took him for q gutta-pereha ug, and
actually tackled him down in front of the
door. Poor woman, she never knew she
was lacking down her husband! What
became of the tacks in his mouth? o
ask. Well, the next day the boys pulled
them out of the bottoms of his overshoes,
snd-n
Gentlemen !" interrupted Eli, sit
does me good to hear such truths. Ibe-
lieva every word you say, and I feel that
| ought to exchange truths with you.
Now, did you ever hear how / went to a
town meeting at New London, Conn, in
o r~ain-storm2''
They said they had not.
well, gentlemen, " said Eli, tone da,
I started for the New London town meet
ing on horseback. When | got about
halfway there there came up a fearful
storm. The wind blew q hurricane, the
rain fell in torrents, the lightning CLEANED
through the sky, and / went and
crouched down behind a large barn.
But pretty o 0 the lightning struck the
barn, knocked it into 1000 splinters and
sent my horse whirling over into a neigh
boring corn-patch.n
did it kill you, Mr.. Perkins 20 asked
Mr.. Twain, the tears rolling down his
cheeks.
mo, it didn't kill me, but / was a
good deal discouraged
well what did you do, Mr.. Perkins ~
"What dbl dot Well, gentlemen,
to tell the honest truth, / went right out
into the pasture, took off my coat,