New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-03-26
Debating a Letter.

=
dear, take your pen and ink and I will
dictate letter to Specklewottle. If
you will play amanuensis don't see
why I can't be sick just as we'll as
not
Mrs. Spoopendyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials.
''Shall I write on card with gilt
edge, OIL shall take note paper?" she
asked.
You'd better use paper" said Mr..
Spoopendyke severely. ''When l want
to convey my ideas on q single, will
carve 'em in. with a knife. Now get
ready, for | am going to start, and
don't you interrupt me OF you will put
me out"
Cali ready, DEAR murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into the
ink and contemplating her husband
anxiously.
MIR. Peter B. Specklewottle, COM
menced Mr.. Spoopendyke.
sis his middle name 'B?'" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand and
testing her pen on the blotter. II don't
think | like his name anyhow, Peter
isn't nice.''
eff any other name occurs to you,
put it in, observed Mr.. Spoopcndyke,
with growl. "You don't need to have
q mans name RIGHT in a letter. Put in
anything and hurry up, will you? Co.
ing to keep me in suspense all day who
this letter is going to?''
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for q mo-
ment. '.Now I've got him in, DEAR
SCOT who in? Anybody 1 know?
Am l dictating private letter to q
stranger? Got some particular friend
you want this note to 90 to unbeknown
to me? Who's in there? I'm going to
know who's at the top before put my
name at the BOTTOM
''Why, Mr.Specklcwoltle, of course"
said she, looking at him with wide-open
eyes. ''rhat's what you said. Now
go on with the rest
"Have you got the date and dear sir
in, too, }" asked Mr. Spoopcndyke, peev-
ishly, for he was trying to think how
he should start his letter.
':No, dear, you didn't say anything
about thosc,'' replied his wife. You
only said the name. But I'll put the
others in.''
''Will, will yep croaked MIR. Spoop-
endykc. ''Sticking on q great deal of
credit to yourself for your Kindness to
the sick, amt ye? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband? Well, you can't
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in;
hear me?''
''But I've got 'cm in,'' pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
"Thcn strike 'cm out" roarcd her
husband. "S'pose I'm going to let
you put those things in and throw 'cm
up in my face from the moment I get
well until the day l die. Scratch 'em
out, tell We; l don't propose to have
my life made miserable by reminders
of your kindness when | was fishing
around in the grave with one leg. Now
what have you got?''
''Peter B. Specklcwottle, said Mrs.
spoopendyke, mentally satisfied that
there could be no mistake about that.
"Anything to show whether he's
man or y woman?' demanded Mr.:
Spoopendykc. "Any Mr. or esq
hanging to it anywhere?'
wi CtIiui lCpliCtl OfJOOpCH-
dyke, ut says Mr.. Peer b. Speckle-
wottlc.' That's the way you told me
to write it, didn't your Now go on
with the letter.
"Then put: 4 am dying, and 1 wish
yOu-
Great gracious' calculated Mrs.
Spoopcndyke, dropping her pen. ''You
are not dying, dear; you don't want
the man to think that!'
''Why not?' squcalcd Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "S'pose Il man is going four
teen blocks out of the way to get the
mail for a man who only has q cold in
his head? You put it that I'm dying
or I'll drop into that corner and write
the whole letter with one application
of the inkstand?'
''Go on, DEAR" cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, I've got it so; only he may
think it strange that dying man
should write to him.
''Then say, 4 want you to get my
mail from the office, and tell them l
will be over in q day or two Got
that?"
"Yes,' giggled Mrs. Spoopcndyke.
"Anything else?"
"What're you laughing at?" howled
MI. spoopendykc, on whom tho incon-
gruities of his letter had begun to
dawn. "What have you got that measly
mouth of yours stretched out like a
dodgastcd grave yard for? Think I'm
debating {: comic almanac? Got no.
ton that this letter is some kind of q
rebus? Well, it amt; and it amt a
minstrel entertainment with q funny
man at each end! What are you laugh
ing at? Anybody in the country
know?''
Il wasn't laughing, DEAR" murmur-
cd Mrs. Spoopendyke, with a marvel
ously straight face. Il was only SYM
pathizing with you"
''Was, eh?' grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. ''Well, when it takes the form
of q visage like you screwed up min
ute ago want to be hung instead of
being sympathized with. Another time
you open your mouth like that Pm
going to put seats in it and start a
church. -
And cogitating on the vast improve
mcnts in his wife's anatomy, Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, forgetting all about his letter,
rolled over: and went to sleep. STANDBY
Hltnt'ey.
A Dual Existence.