The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1884-04-19
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

DIR. Potter of New York laments
s'the decay of enthusiasm" He should
watch the small boy on the morning OF
the circus.
A STRANGER who went to the White
House was asked: "How did you enjoy
the levee9" "Well, there were several
dndes and plenty of nudes there
WIEN you see the headline "A Base
Decelver, in the papers you know it re-
fers to man. If it was woman she
would be soprano or contralto deceiver.
A JAPANESE soldier In full uniform
looks like bale of goods only slightly
damaged by fire and watsr, that is ex.
posed for sale at sacrifice. -Bur!iao-
ton HaWkeye.
I'm sorry to hear that your brother
Is sick of a fever, said old Mrs. Grimes
to little girl. "Yes'm, indeed. hearth
ly sick of it, was the replay. Bloom.
.fetd (N. ~ Citizen.
"SINoE our new minister began
preaching for us, all the disinfected ones
are coming back, is the remark the Re-
publican attributes to a Springfield
Mass colorad brother.
Mr.. MATTHEW ARNOLD tells the Lo1.-
donese that he found great deal of
''crudeness" in America. Mr.. Arnold. it
will be remembered, stopped off at st.
Louis. Chicago Times.
The fiat has gone forth that the size
of mems pants is TO be increased, and
then it will be difficult to tell an honest
man from dude.-Bradford Sunday
Mail.
IL. ID. BLACKMoRE, author of "Lorna
Doone," has new novel in the press
entitled ''The Remarkable History of
Sir Thomas Upmore Bart, M. P, for
merly know as Tommy Upmore, in
Wo volumes.
g LET us play we are married." said
little Edith, land / will bring my
dolly and say, See baby, papa. ="
p" Yes" replied Johnny, "and will say,
Don't bother me now; want to look
through the paper.
A MANUFACTURER of white wine vine
gar claims that his compound is so
much better than the old fashioned
cider connection, that he has adopted
the sigh o. "Who will care for mother
now?"-BOSt0n Courier.
BILL is now before Congress to erect
post office building at Texarkana across
the state line. The post-office is now on
the Arkansas side, and all off ,ial matter
addressed to Texarkana, Tex is tied
up with red tape and pigeon holed.
OLD gentleman Cooking at very
bob tailed horee): "Bless me, how
short they have cut his TAIL" Attend
ant: His master is a member of the
Society for the Protection of Animals,
Sir, in this fashion he will not annoy
the poor fies."
DISTINGUISHED Amateurs, the Poets.
Fond wife (who has just listened to
new sonnet)-''1 think it perfect. dar-
ling; but I'm no judge. You had better
read it to Mr.. Melnotte, who writes
poetry himself" Poetical husband
"Not if l know it! Why, before I've
quite finished, he'll pull out and read
sonnet of his ownr'-Lond0n Punch.
PAssENGER-"How long have YOU
been employed on the street cars?" Dri-
ver-"FIfteen year, barrin' whin I was
sick" Passenger-"You must be
great favorite with the company" Dri-
ver-"Ha! ha! ha! Dye see that ovid
gray mare I'm dhrivin' Well, we both
fell sick together at wanst last winter.
They sent for docther for the horse and
they STINT me me resignation. "-Ieras
Siftings.
s'Do YOU remember the 800 900 check
that was exhibited among the presents
at the High Upton wedding reception
two years ago." asked Boston bank
cashier Of an intimate friend. eyes, [
guess l do; lucky couple!-from her
father you know?" said the friend.
"Well," grimly continued the cashier,
SIT hasn't been presented at the bank
yetl'
THERE are some people whose sad fate
it is always to be driven into assuming
an attitude of self defense by the natural
perversity of circumstances. To that
unhappy class belonged the gentleman
of Virginia City, who prefaced his last
homicide Che victim had wantonIy re-
fused al invitation to drink with the
pathetic exclamation, "Great Scott!
must l kill man every time / come to
Carson?" Boston Pilot.
A New YORK man advertised ga safe,
quick and reliable corn remover, with
out the application of knife or caustics;
no pain experienced. Price only ST."
A young man who never walks out with
out wishing he could leave his feet at
home, forwarded dollar, and two days
received by express 1--we
Herald.
A GENTLEMAN bought a newspaper
and rendered in payment a piece of
forty sous. The newspaper woman-T
haven't the change; you can pay me as
you pass along tomorrow. The gen
tleman-" But suppose 1 should be
killed today" The newspaper wo-
mau-"Oh, it wouldn't be very great
loss! '-FTench FdcetiOucness.
Keen Dry