The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1884-09-20
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

HE guests of the Ottawa House en-
brace an unusually large number of
young ladies.-Portland Press. Sin
gular, if true.
FIRST SPECTAToR-"P ekin Turnpikes
second mortgage bonds What did You
clear by them" Second Ditto" NV
pockets! y Punch.
The difference between love and law
is this-in love the attachment precedes
the declaration; in law the declaration
precedes the attachment.
Love goes not where il is cent, as
much as where it is dollars s. White
hall Times. And dolorous it is, that
it's true Merchant Traveller.
A SOUTH Boston Chinese laundry
man is named Wah Song. He is pat
ronized by all the Grand Army men,
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
POETRY is the sister of sorrow"
writes Mr.. Andre, who had evidently
been having narrow escape from q
newspaper Office Philadelphia Call.
LITTLE girl Mamma, let me carry
the baby?" Mamma-"No, darling;
you're too little; you might let it fall. +"
Little girl-"Well may have it when
it's worn out?"
. it not odd that boot-blacks can
command five cents for a shine when
the advertisements say that "The New
York Sun shines for all for two cents? J"
Competition is the soul of trade Life
A CORRESPONDENT asks if it is proper
to dance with a married lady when her
husband is looking on. Certainly. The
dancing is sure to be very proper under
such circumstances. - Philadelphia
Call.
THERE is nothing impossible to the
determined spirit" says a philosopher.
Evidently that philosopher never tried
to reach up behind his shou' ier to get
hold of the end of broken suspender.
- SomervilIe Journal.
SAID nervous visitor to lady at
whose house she was making a call :
Are you not afraid that some of your
children will fall into that cistern in
your yard?" go, mop was the com
placent reply; Anyhow, that's not the
cistern we get our drinking water
from"
A GIRL in Turner, Me, smokes, chews,
drinks, swears, shaves and wears mans
hat Exchange. That all may be, but
we viii wager that she cannot throw a
stone at a barn without knocking a eye
out of the woman IN the next ID.
There is limit to everything. - Pitts
burg Chronicle.
WHAT was your real reason for sell
ing Maud So" he was asked. you
won't give it away?' Certainly not. -
whenever [ drove her on the road
people would say, There goes Maud S.
With any other horse they say, There
goes Vanderbilt That is the reason"
II New York Sun.
WELL, / do hope" said Mrs. Par
venue, as she strolled across her elegant
lawn in Clifton, if the cholera comes
here this year, it won't assume an cpl
dermis FORM" and she famed herself
till her naughty chin stuck out above
her neck at an angle of S93 Degrees
Cincinnati Commercial Traveller.
WAITER" exclaimed an angry man
at dining station, waiter, take that
sausage away. It's made of dogs?" Il
think not" replied the waiter, cycling
the tough Wand as the passenger again
strove to drive his teeth through the
shell. why do you say it is dog?" 4
know by it's bark p New York Tele-
| gram.
AMONG the items in Gen. Wash
| ingtOn's sundries account" just dis
| covered, is one of Two dogs, weight
thirty-fve pounds, from Farmer Basset,
| to guard the Presidents house" Presi-
dent Washington is thus shown to have
taken the needed precautions to de-
crease the number of calls from office
seekers Lowell Citizen.
"WHAT name does your husband call
you by?" said bride to q friend who
had been married several years. Does
he call you ducky or lovey? My dar-
ling calls me ducky." Does he? Mine
used to call me popsey-wopsey, but be
doesn't use that term now. What
does he call you then?" He calls me
Say there. - Somerville Journal.
CARE you through" asked an Amer
lean of an English friend who was din
ing with him at the fremont the other
day. "Throughw exclaimed the En-,
glshman, staring above and below and
all around, Through, through what 2
"Through dinner" was the response
A puzzled expression broke over the
son of Albion's face as he animated
that he had finished his dinner, but new
er supposed he had gone through it
Chicago Rambler.
! LITTLE NELL-"But, mamma, can't
have a picnic without sending invita-
lions, you know" Mamma-"Well,
will write them for you" Little Nell
"But they have to be printed. jennie
Blanks ma had hers printed, and there
was 'propriate motto-that's what Jen
ME called tin one corner. | can't re
member what it was, though" Mamm'
-"Well. it would not do to use thu
same motto, of course. Can't you thinl
of one?" Little Mellon! yes, th'
verse I had in Sunday school last weel
would be just the thing" Mamma
Indeed, What was it?" Little Nell
600 to the ant, thou sluggard. .
Philadelphia Call.