Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-02-21
WIT AND HUMOR.


often seen a house fly. We thought no
part of q house save the chimney hue.
1t is said that Cinnamon in Califor
MIA are marrying young Irish girls. The
Irish girls seemed to have grudge
against China.
An English editor on "Our Mary
Such q smile as she can give with her
eyes and lips is a smile to shrivel up
care for century and make your heart
bask in summer brightness.
A craze for investing in Kansas real
estate is reported to be the Prince of
Wales last mania. The report is prob
ably a device of some malicious person
10 keep Irishmen out of Kansas.
A New York fire insurance President
has,just lost a country-seat valued at
$4,000, and he hadn't cent of insu-
rance. He was probably looking for q
reliable company.
The parasoi is glorious invention
for hiding an ugly face on the
promenade; but something yet remains
to be invented for protecting big feet
from the critical gaze
A pert little girl in Troy boosted to
one Of her young friends that cher ia
ther kept carriage" ''Ah. but" was
the triumphant reply, my father
drives street car"
All over the East young ladies are
killing themselves for the love of men
who carry canes, own dogs, wear yell
low kid gloves and affect Eyeglasses.
Mothers, are you properly educating
your daughters?
Young girls who are DESTROYS of Sc
curing physical beauty are recommend
ed by physician to eat meat once
day, pickles once u week, and sweet
meats once year; also to take q cold
ath and a five-mile walk every day.
A traveller, inquiring at feudal cas-
tie whether he could see the antiquities
Of the place, received the simple an
swer from servant: Il am sorry, sir;
my lady and her daughters have gore
TO town.
A young man out in Waupun, Wis,
organized an accordion corps. At last
accounts he was still half mile ahead
of the inhabitants; but things looked
quite encouraging as he was very much
out of breath. PbjtadelptjG Call.
Bankers and musicians are both men
of note, and both, when confronted
with notes, first examine the signature.
/ got this from the musical editor, so l
suppose its all right, though | dom
see the point myself. Boston Post.
A banker, out of breath and with
haggard countenance, rushed into the
room of a friend saying: ''Ah! my dear
fellow, my wife has just eloped!"
Good gracious! and with wnom?"
with my cash box.
1t rather annOys the woman holding
a pug dog in her lap in the street car
to hear learned looking gentleman
remark to a friend: ''Do you know the
female Ourang-Outang at the museum
has formed an attachment for q small
dog and fondles it almost constantly"
On arriving at Calais on her way to
make the grand tour an English lady
was surprised and somewhat indignant
her life, "a foreigner" ''YOu are
mistaken, Madame" she said to the Ii
beler tn some pique, sit is you who
are foreigners. We are English"
mo" sadly exclaimed the eldest
Miss Culture, of Boston, mo, | could
not reconcile myself to becoming the
wife of a man who eats fried sausage,
cuts lettuce with knife and turns up
his nose at baked beans. So | severed
the matrimonial contract that existed
between us.
s clergyman tells the following story:
I once married handsome young
Ii nj / no Nv Z Ie
hand at the close of the ceremony and
gave her my warmest congratulations,
she tossed her pretty head and, point
ing to the bridegroom, replied, 1 think
he is the one 10 be congratulated.
These opera managers are shrewd.
They start their people from the other
side one a dav. Then it is telegraphed
that Nine. Yelltheroofoff has sailed,
and all the papers publish it. When
she arrives the fact is announced, and
the whole gang secures heap of free
advertising for the show altogether
Boston Post
so Chicago secured the National
Republican Convention, did she?" in
CURED a delegate of disguised Phila-
delphian, who was rushing out of the
committee room, leaving n long, blue
trail of profanity in his wake. Yes,
Chicago got it, confound her picture;
out then | always said that Chicago
was the greatest hog market in the
world. "-Ieras SJtings
1t is pleasant just now to see a wo.
man show man how snow should be
shoveled. She puts a shawl about the
size of napkin over her head, takes
little fire shovel, opens the door, closes
her eyes. throws about three shovel
fulls off the S oop, rushes back into the
kitchen, stamps the snow off her feet,
and declares that men never know how
to do anything anyhow, and tnat if il
was not for the women everything
would go to the dogs.
Robbie was the only child at the tea-ta,
bic the other evening, and didnot seem
to be at all pleased when the hostess
in dealing out the preserves gave two
pears to every guest, while he got but