Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-11-03

SQulDDS lateSG girl mas sacked MIN, ana
he says it was case of sour mash.
The hay fever sufferer is devout in
sneeZe.
In Thibet every woman is allowed four
husbands. Each husband buys one bon
net a year.
1t makes young man feel rather cheap
to hear his sweetheart singing, as he ap-
proaches the house, s'Nobody loves me-"
Will somebody please call Mr.. Henry
Bergh's attention to the fact that people
are cruelty burning live Goals, this chilly
weather.
1t is said that Bartlett pears are fed to
invalids in California instead of medicine.
Curious that nobody but invalids can
stand pears.
If Cain had been defended by sharp
lawyer, he would have pleaded insanity
| caused by excessive use of liquor, and
| been acquitted.
A crusty bachelors solace There is
one mitigation to our grief-the girls
can't wear Jersey and Mother Hub
bard at the same time.
eyes," sighed Amelia, ''before mar
riage George professed to be willing to
die for me, and now he won't even get
his life insured in my favor
A Duluth man who was jealous of his
wife hid her hustle so as to keep her at
home, and the papers speak of it as can
outrage worthy of the dark ages
Mississippi farmer planted 16O acres
of peppermint. All that is wanted now
is an increased crop of ice, sugar and
whiskey to make Mississippi poll the
heaviest vote on record.
''What do you suppose makes the moon
so pale, darling?" she asked as they gazed
at the orb of night. sI don't know,
DEAR" he answered, ''unless it is being
up all night; it always affects me that
way"
The prospectus of an electric sweat
band for mems hats declares that ''it
stimulates the Imagination, strengthens
the memory and greatly augments the
working power of the BRAIN
$50 Miss Skimps and Mr.. Limbs are
to be married. Well, 1 declare! That
aged couple. And she is old enough te
be his mother. Indeed, she is. And foi
him-why, he's old enough to be her ia
ther!''
A st. Louis physician says that the
common house fly is heavily loaded will
trichin@. If it was heavily loaded will
dynamite, that wouldn't prevent us tax
ing crack at him when he lights on the
sensitive portion of our epidermis.
"What becomes of men who steal?'
asked the Sunday school teacher of :
sharp little boy. ''They 60 to Canada.
'sNo, little boy, that is not the right an
swer. They ultimately go to the wicked
place. "Oh, yes; you mean Chicago"
''Ever had a cyclone here?" asked .
Kansas man who was visiting a countr,
aunt in the East. "a cyclone? Oh, yes,
said his aunt deacon Browns sol
brought one from Boston spell ago
g but law! he couldn't ride it. Tumblet
off every time he tried.'
''How in the world can you conten
;, yourself to live in this dead-and- aliv,
: placer" asked the city visitor of her coun
!. try cousin. 81 know 1 should die if
had to stay here" s'Well.' replied tn,
rustic relative, 'I suppose should, too
but then the city folks amt here only {
few weeks in the year, you know
A lady recently had a remarkable ex
perience with a new Irish servant. ssBid
dy." said she, one evening, 1--WE mus
have some sausage for tea. / expect
company" Eyes, ma'am." Tea time
arrived, and with it the company The
table was spread, the tea was simmering
but no sausages appeared. ssWhere are
! ! the sausages, Biddy?" the lady inquired
! ''And sure, they're in the taypot, maam
Didn't you tell me we must have 'em fol
tay?"