The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09
The Amateur Chemist.

OIten GnlnK now MANY scientists ana
experimental chemists and coroners are
swallowed up by journalism, and how
thankful the public ought to be that
they are in field where they can not
got at the lives of the people. We
often find fault with fate, but certainly
it is wisdom that takes man out of
the drug store sometimes and puts him
In the sanctum.
w. l.. Visscher, who has done jour
nalistic work on many papers, and
work, too, that would have made his
reputation worldwide if he hadn't been
so internally anonymous about it, was
once a drug clerk in Kentucky. Ifyou
watch closely you will see that the man
who is intended as newspaper athlete
will go through the ganut of trades
and professions, but will surely get
| into Journalism first or last. And it
ism t such a calamity to befall a young
man either, as it used to be. Of course,
| mean if he is good, square news
paper man, not the scallaWag kind or
the kindergarten humorist, but a real,
working, advancing, sure enough news
| paper man, with a love for his work
and desire to improve.
Well, Yisscher used to invent things
when he was in the drug business. He
/ showed a good deal of ingenuity in that
| way. He invented kind of rat poison
once that worked well, but the ingredi-
entS were too expensive to make the
/ patent q valuable one. He killed nine
| rats with his solution, but it cost him
ninety dollars to do it. This, you see,
was fatal, not only to the rats, but tc
the poison itself.
| Jesse ClaWser was a resident of the
/ village in which Visscher was acting
as Nemesis pro tenn. and general soda
fountain superintendent. Jesse was 3
dead shot when he got after the Ken
tueky squirrel, and life ought to have
been one long happy squirrel hunt for
him. But he was not entirely happy.
He had red whiskers. He did not care
for his angry hair, but his infiamed
beard annoyed him very much He
went to Visscher, regarding him as a
| sortof alchemist who could do most ANY,
| thing with his mysterious jars and PEE
4 caliar smelling herbs. He asked Wis
scher to color his beard for him, and
offered, in consideration therefor TO
bring him mess of squirrels. The
price was satisfactory, and the young
chemist proceeded to make Mr.
Clawser's beard as black as a ravens
wing with lunar caustic. Every little
| while he would make mistake and hit
the skin, and Mr. Clawser would jump
out of his chair with great uneasiness.
Wherever the caustic struck jesse s
epidermiS it would leave a black spot
| that would wash off about as easily as a
| birth-mark.
| Well, Mr.. Clawser walked out of the
back room of that drug store with a
beard as black as an Egyptian cat and
hair as red as the sunset of asummer day
in my own Italian home so far, far away.
| At first no one knew him. He had
to introduce himself. Then people got
better acquainted with him, and the
people of Northern Kentucky, who were
not too busy, dropped their other duties
and followed him around wherever he
went. This at last panied and annoyed
him. He got through ten days, and
then he stole into the store after hours
one night and begged Yisscherto to shave
him. The great amateur chemist
offered to do so for another mess o.
squirrels.
He didn't do it very well, but he
made out to segregate Mr.. Ciawsel
from his glorious beard. There it la,
on the floor like the end of a a cows
tail soaked in logwood, dead, un
natural, horrible, somber pile of stif
and diabolical hair. Mr.. Clawsel
, heaved sigh of relief and went to tht
, mirror. He there saw young mar
with white eyes and cream-colored eye
, broWs. The lashes were ecru, ant
the freckles were like large feckl
, of bronze. The hair hung abou
the forehead like an incendiarl
fire beyond control. To add to tn,
general horror of the holocaust. hi
face was spotted all over with blacl
daubs of lunar eaustic. Mr.. Clawse
looked like the map of the burnt dis
trict He looked like the tattooed MAJ
at the circus. He reminded people of
. red headed pen wiper.
He went around through the forests
. frightening little children into st. Vitus
dance, for three days, and living OIL
huckleberries and blue grass. He thel
took another mess of squirrels to Wis
seher and asked him If there WASH SOM
way known to science by which thes
marks could be removed. Visscher file
the squirrels and said he thought posi-
bly, it could be done. He then apple,
a little cyanide of potassium and re
moved the spots. He also removed tn
: skin here aud there and turned MI
Clawserloose upon the community one
| more. He fed to the mountains an
!, lived the life of recluse until he hear
accidentally that Visscher had left tn
drug trade and gone into journalism
Q Then he came back to home and friend
once more, but he will not look at
newspaper and is regarded everywher
; as the foe of the press. He is afraid b
will run up against one of Visscher'
editorials somewhere. Bill Nye, .
l LouisUi1e Courier Journal.
Dy Cvrne r Toad az, aelao4;n nh,