Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-08-01
FUN

FO ~
All About Adam.
Adam missed many vexati0nS of spirit
that are coming to men of this day.
Adam never had to try to maintain a
$4,000 appearance on $500 income.
Adam never in fit of abstraction sat
down on coil Of barbed fence wire.
Adam never had to wear collar with
saw teeth all around the obtrusive edge
of it.
Adam never lived next door to man
who was trying to learn to play on an ac-
cordeon.
Adam never had to fasten one of his
suspenders with single nail and the
other with hair-pia.
Adam never had to rock the cradle while
Eve went across the street to borrow cup
Of sugar from neighbor.
Adam never fell over a rocking chair
while cropping around in the dark after the
bottle of paregoric.
Adam never had his only pair of gum
boots eaten up by cog while he was WIS.,
iting friend.
Adam never had to keep the baby while
Eve went out with determined cast of
countenance to reform the world.
Adam never had to sit up till O'Clock
in the morning to get the returns from
Ohio, and at last learn that thu other fell
lows had carried it.
Adam never got to the depot just in
time to see the rear car disappear around
the water tank.
Adam never came home from the Lodge
at a very late hour to discover that he had
left the latch key in his other pants.
Adam never had a tight drawer at
which he was Juggling to come out sudden.
ly and let him down with such vehemence
as to knock four square feet of plastering
off the ceiling.
TIE DEMANDS OF BUSINESS. They
were on their Way to the depot. She was
going to the country for few weeks to
visit her mother, and he was to remain in
town and slave away at the office.
''It's too bad. JOHN" she sail, THAT
business should keep you in the city dur
ing the hot weather."
SIT can't lie helped" he replied maufuI-
ly. Business must be attended to, even
if the weather is hot" Then something
that sounded like ''Rum-te- tum- tlddy''
came from under John s breath.
''What do you say?" she demanded sus-
piciously.
II said that business, my dear, must b,
attended 10 without regard to the wealth
tr."
"Oh. I thought you said something
else.''
mo, that was all. l shall miss you
very much, DEAR" he went on, ''but it
will only be for few weeks, you know.
and then we will be together again. Rum
te.tum- til
The shrek of locomotive drowned the
latter part of his remark, and, placing his
wife on the train, he kissed her lovingly
and in broken voice babe her good-by.
When the train had pulled out If sight
John went into the station and said to the
agent:
"Give me (rum. te-tum-tiddy) ticket to
Coney Island and return. (Oh-rum-te.
tum-tiddy. Hl-hoy''
Mary remarked Mr.. Gloom to his
wife. "when did Mrs. Tongue go away
for the summer ?'' why, didn't know
she had gone" Eyes, Ireckon she has. {"
well, hadn't heard of it. and I'm
pretty sure you re mistaken" ooh, no,
Pm not" who told you ?" Nobody;
] went by there this morning and heard
Tongue singing like lark"
Young physician. No, it is not in good
taste for young physician when writing
to a patient to sign himself, Yours till
DEATH"
"Why will you persist in drinking tea
and coffee ?" asked the doctor. "a milk
diet is the healthlest. 1t contains all the
elements of the human blood" Every
true" replied Fogg, swallowing third
cup of coffee, shut then, you know, am
not blood-thirsty.
An anxious inquirer asks: "Where is
the best place for saltwater bathing?" In
the salt water, dear friend.
Eight dogs will buy wife in Siberia.
but after you have seen Siberian woman
you marvel that dogs should be so cheap.
ooh, ChaWles," sighed the poetical Miss
Ravelle, II yearn for the balmy spring,
when I can HE me to the verdant lawn
and battle in the mellow rays of the set
ting sun. 81 would battle In something
more substantial. and not make it quite
80 public" said the prosaic young man,
Colored brother addressing the new par
son: "Look hea you's mighty welcome
at my house lessen yer makes too much o.
hotel o. de practice" ivy, thought
dat yer'd be glad ter see me.'' .sI'se glad
ter see yer, sab. but de longer yer stay
away de gladder I'll he ter see yer when
yer comes"
"What is the name of your cat, sir ?"
His name was William" said the host,
until he had fits. Since then we have
called him FitzWilliam.''
An enterprising Frenchman has opened
up a dimple factory in Chicago. This is
a new wrinkle. By the way. dimple is
side-track to let grin pass wrinkle.