Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-06-13
FUN

WHAT WOMAN CAN Do.-She can
say No." and stick to it. She can also
say mo" in such low, soft voice, that
it means Eyes," She can sharpen lead
pencil if you give her plenty of time and
and plenty of pencils. She can dance all
night in pair of shoes two sizes too small
for her and enjoy every minute of the
time. She can pass display window of a
diapers shop without stopping-if she is
running to catch train. She car walk
half the night with noisy baby in her
arms without once expressing desire to
murder the infant. She can appreciate a
kiss from her husband seventy-lve years
after the marriage ceremony has taken
place. She can suffer abuse and neglect
for years, which one touch of kindness or
consideration will drive from her recollec-
ton. She can 60 to church and after
wards tell you what every woman had Cd
and in some rare instances can give q
faint idea of what the text was. She can
look her husband square in the eye when
no bCl1b AOA oOnO SOkA-AAu-Dui1 oUOly
about being detained at the otice,''
without betraying in the least that she
knows him to be Colossal liar. She can,
but what's the use? A woman can do
anything or everything, and do it we'll.
She can more IN minute than man can
in one hour. and do it better. She can
make the alleged lords of creation bow
down to her own sweet will and they will
never know it. Yes, woman can do
everything with but one exception-she
cannot climb tree.
Elizabeth is a Buffalo girl about eight
years old. When asked how far she had
got in her geography lessons. the little
woman said: "We are in the Alps now.
And what do you think? The girls there
wear short red skirts and sort Of green
jacket laced in front and behind, with
pulled sleeves. don It just remember what
Kind of stockings they wear, hut 1 think
they are blue" "Well!" exclaimed the
paralyzed parent when she could recover
her breath, ''but where are the Alps,
child?" II don't know !" was the artless
response; lit doesn't say anything about
that!''
An Arkansas woman, whose husband
was recently sent to the penitentiary,
wrote the following letter to her loved
one: 81 don't like to shake you, now that
you are in trouble, but under the circum-
stances it is the best thing can do. The
man you stole the hog from has proposed
to me, and I have consented to marry
him. / am getting tired of the neighbors
throwing 1t up at me that my husband is
in the pen. I am going to marry this fell
lew quietly. an when they come around
an cay, Your husband is in the pen,' l
can call 'em liar and have 'em arrested
for SANDER
II must caution you," said the physi-
clan, against drinking wine." "But l
drink very little, Doctor" demonstrated
the sick man. THAT may be, but you
must leave it off altogether. Wine. now
adays, is so adulterated with drugs and
chemicals that it is unfit for human con-
sumption" "What would you advise me
to take ?'' The doctor then wrote So. so
prescription of drugs and chemicals.
Perhaps the most charmingly quaint
legal decision on record is that of a Judge
In the town of Paz de IxtacaltO, Mexico.
It was as follows: "On the same day L.
the Judge. following my conviction, went
to the place where the corpse Of Feliciano
Rosas lay, and, standing there, asked
who struck him. Having asked that ques-
tion three times it did not reply, because
it was good and dead"
1t is gratifying to note that our market
is not affected by the financial crisis in
New York. Strawberries are firm and &C.
tive, cucumbers 10 cents apiece mot in
Guiding medical attendance). and hand
painted string beans are to be had at the
oedinary price of paris green. Spring but
ter remains strong, with or without box
ing gloves.
She was admiring herself and $25
spring bonnet. do you think it becom-
ing, dear?" she asked of her young hus-
band. Eyes, I do" was his response; 81
think it is becoming very decidedly dear. -
The time of year has come when every
ice-cream sign is chilling terror to the
young man with girl on each arm and
only punched dime in his personal treas.
ury.
A Denver mans shanty caught fire the
other night. and while he was rapidly car
rying out his gold dust and other valu-
ables friend came up and asked: "Why
don It you throw on water" "Water I"
yelled the owner of the shanty, "what in
thunder is that 7''
A female thief disguised as a man was
detected recently. A policeman noticed
that she passed saloon without looking
in, and then stood for half an hour in front
of an ice cream sign.
Every married man ought to get his
life insured. In case Of death, fighting
the insurance company for the premium
would occupy the widows mind. and
keep her from brooding over her misfor-
tune.
Positive colored tea darkey's we'd
ding.