The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-05-29
HUMOR.

SoxE writer has said that ~Silencs il
gol ien" II this be true, va know Of
many old maids who Will never be on .
specie basis.-Paris Beacon.
THE late l<att Carpenter, who as
lawyer was acknowledged as great, once
said to Catholic divine, "Purgatory Is
simply q motion for new trial"
Two CoNNRcTIcr lovers have just
made up after quarrel which took
place fifty-eight years ago. Some poo
pie cannot hold malice. Cincinnati
Saturday Night
NAPOLEON used to say that three
hours sleep day was enough for any
man. but, of course, the Littls CorpO-
raj had never served on the police force.
-Rockldnd Courier Gazette.
The true art of living is to live nat
urally. -Sltings. And the true art of
dying is to die naturally. Greenv5ijg
Banner. And the true art Of lying rs
to lie naturally. Houston Post.
BY new law in Arkansas no saloon
can be built within forty rods Of q
church, but the natives dodge this law
by building the saloon first. Then they
erect the church right across the rosd.
-B,trdette.
Goop-MoRNINa, Mr.. Brown. How
do you find yourself to-day?"
Thanks, quite well. But why call me
Brown? Ny names Green" beg
pardon thousand times. But, you
see, I'm color-blind."
THE Prince of Wales says he would
rather be an editor than O king
That's it exactly, Albert! Bet your
mark hight If you haven't brains
enough for an editor, there is some sat-
isfaction in knowing that you have TOO
much for king Indianapolis hide
pendent.
No NORWEGIAN girl is permitted to
have beau until she can bake bread,
and the consequence is that she is an
adept in this culinary art long before
she m sters the art of dancing, painting
frightful- BLOCKING objects on plaques,
and spelling brass by hammering it.
my DEAR" said Brooklyn lady to
her husband, why is the new bonnet
you promised me like the millennium ?"
l suppose because it will be SO sweet"
he replied. Not exactly" Well
why is it. then ?" Because it is long
time coming"
LOST your grip" q Philadelphia
drummer asked his colleague who was
looking very dismal, on the train.
"No," replied the man from Market
street, looking sadly at the pretty girl
three seats in front, whose side he had
just left, 1--WE got the sack. Bur
dette.
"WHAT in thunder are you doing?"
asked q fellow who was struck by
missile as he passed window, last
night. II was throwing boot-jack at
a cat" was the reply. We'll, you hit
me. Now just explain what was
meantp ut was only for news
meant" was the sarcastic rejoinder.-
Neaomap Independent.
Il UNDERSTAND that you referred to
me as pig, sir" remarked a pompous
elderly gentleman to O young man who
had spoken disparagingly of him to
third person. "You have been misin-
formed. SIR replied the young man.
Il hope that 1 know better than to re-
fer to person of your advanced age as
pig"
wife, Il want colnr-button that'1
ast,-one that l won't be howlin' after
again in a hurry" We'll. John, go
out and riIe up the old billy-goat and 1
guess he kin accommodate you with o
choler-buttin' thatu last long while,
and you won't want another In q hurry"
Indianapolis Scissors.
In China it requires three days in
which to perform marriage ceremony,
but when the knot is tied NO justice can
unite it. That probably accounts for SO
many care-worn, blear-eyed Cinnamon
immigrating to this country. They
find that their wives are liable to out
live them, and SO, as last resort, they
fly to America, open laundries, and
marry white girls, whom they can get a
divorce from. if they try to make il
warm for them.
THTRE are many devils thas walk this world.
Devils large and devils small:
Devils 20 meagvr and devils so stout;
Devils with horns and devils without,
Sly devils that go with their tails upouried;
Bold devils that carry them qnite unturled:
Weak devils, and devils that bm~l;
Serious devils, and lsughing devils;
Devils Of and p, po 81 Tsve'
Devils black. and devils white;
Devils foolish, and devils wise;
Devile short, and devils tall;
But Laughing woman with two bright eyes
Is the worst devil OF all
A JOKE is Joke, but for young man
to poke beans and shoe buttons iato O
young lady's ears, Is carrying the thing
too far, no matter how large the lndy's
ears may be. A rather handsome
young lady in Pittsburg called on
physician and complained of slight
dullness of hearing, which interfered
with whispered conversations. A shoe
button was found in one of her ears,
and couple of beans in the other. She
supposed they had been poked in there
by her lover. as Joke. II seems
strange that the young lady is not posi-
tive as to how those beans and buttons
got into her ear eck's Sun.
CUsToMER-"How much is that coat
of mail worth7" Clerk-~This, sir, is
very rare object-centuries old; but
we will let you have it for e500." Gus
tomer-"All right, / will take it, pro-
vided, of course, it fits" Clerk
l. a1fyfo 90 Cuat<xo 1o,ho n 1vff1o