Morning journal and courier., 1884-07-18
GRADUATED.

We hear that the 'ssweet girl graduates" at
Vassar this year had to work SO hard for
their graduation that they all became vassar-
lean. This will surely keep the chaps Off
Yonkers Statesman.
Bridget: Wot's the most genteel thing for
a lady as is a lady to carry in the
street, Nora?" Cook; "Sure, thin, some pre-
of music, mesilf, quite careless and aisy
like"
care you familiar with Bryanta" asked
young lady of a timid young man whom she
was trying to draw out. ''Oh, yes," he re-
piled proudly, frightening up. ''I graduated
at one of his business colleges "-Philadel
phia Record.
The poet Browning is being painted by his
son in all the glory of his scarlet Oxford doc
torial gown for Balliol college, of which he is
a fellow. This may be all right, but it seems
rather ungrateful for young man to paint
his father red.-Boston Post.
Smith met Jones on the deck of an ocean
steamer one calm morning after several days
of very rough weather: ''Why, I declare,
JONES'" said Smith, "you look years older
than when last saw you" "No wonder"
tely."-Exchange.
A gentleman made his way into the bed
chamber of one of his friends, and found him
nose. ''Whatl" cried he, awakening him,
''do you wear your spectaeles while you
sleep?'' ''Oh,'' replied the other, EFI am so
near-sighted that without my glasses I can
see nothing whatever in my dreams"
When Sir Walter Scott was at school,
boy in the same class was asked by the
'dominie" what part of speech with was
ga noun, SIR said the boy. "You young
blockhead,' said the pedagog, ''what example
can you give of such thing?" 'cI can tell you,
sir, interrupted Scott; 'Eyou know there is
verse in the Bible which says, They bound
Samson with withs. ;"
The adopted daughter of a North Carolina
farmer ran away, and returned to the family
hovel on the mountain. neighbor looking
for her stray cows came across her standing in
the door, and accepted an invitation to enter.
Looking around at the squalor and filth, she
exclaimed, 81 don't see, Sallie what made
you leave them good folks, where everything
was nice and neat" "Wa'al," was the
reply, "you see, 1 was gorged with neatness."
-Harper's Bazaar.
''Mary, want messenger to send down
town." said lady to her maid; ''the sales
lady has sent me the wrong bundle and /
want to inform the forelady of her careless
ness. Is there anyone disengaged?" ''I
think not, ma'am; the chamber lady is busy
with her rooms, and the kitchen lady has Wis
itors, her mother, the washer lady, and her
cousin, the ash gentleman, having called. But
perhaps the foot gentleman or the coach gen
tleman is disengaged. Twill see."-Somer-
vile Journal.
A letter from an Indian lad who had gone
to farm work from the Carlisle school is
printed in the Morning Star, Carlisle, Pa, as
follows: every did work and threes fence
I work plow and all I can work and cows 1
work milk and very he joy merry white man,
and he told me and he said daily very you
working he said and April 13 day and you
can dollars he told me the hear and he
give to me and SKIS no IS and from sorry
heart. sense slow and two dollars no he
give to me and very much I work we did
can. He ie.''
= College president-"Here is list of names
which 1 think suitable for honorary degrees
this year" College director-"My gracious!
Looks like congressional petition. Why,
you must have couple of thousand names
on that list" perhaps SO; did not count
them" "Where did you get the names, any
howe" Found them in the directory" $50
1 thought. You've taken every Tom, Dick
and Harry just they along. But
what under the sun is your objectl" ''To
advertise the institution ''Do you think
| it will do any good?' "Oh, yes; the college
will become known-by degrees. ."-Philadel-
phia Call