Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1884-06-16

George Augustus Sala says that Americi
shall be taken in on his next lecturing tour
We quote this as being the first instance il
which honesty has been displaye by a lee
tursr. Boston Post
"I have a great mind to go down town to
night" said Mr. Jobbleswizzle to his wife
''What?" she replied with surprise. 60
night'' s'Whose?" she asked, "Whose
what?" "Whose great mind?' my own, OF
courss, madam" "OhI'' And the rising in
fection she gave the ejaculation was very
provoking to a man of fine feeling.-Mer-
chant Traveller.
Mrs. Shoady (to storekeeper) ,-"Show me-
thsrmometer-oneo of ysur very best, you
know" Shopkeeper-'This, ma'am, Is one
of our very finsst-superb mountings, grad
uated with incest exactness, Venetian glass,
you know, and the finest quicksilver. Mrs
Shoddy-'sQ 'sQuioksilver; eh, yes; that would
do we'll enough for the kitchen, to be sure;
but want one for my boodor. Let me have
one with quick-gold- Chicago Sun.
A countryman went into a saloon for a
lunch the other day, and while he was
sw allowing the feed, he heard the telephone
bell ring, and the bartender went to the teie-
phone and began to converse with somebody
in loud voice in the German language The
countrymsn opened his mouth wide, then
turned to q city gentleman at the same table
and said, That's the first Dutch telephone l
ever heard " The city man told him he had
enc at his houss that Chlnaman could talk
through, and the countryman was paralyzea
-Peck's Sun
Fond parent-''WeIl, Johnny, how srs you
getting along at SCHOOL,"
Johnny-"Oh, first rate. I started on
third but am on first now"
Fond parent -'Glad to hear it. my son.
Always try to be first. Here is fifty cents for
your industry"
Johnny-''Ain't that nice! I'll try to get
higher yet"
Fond parent-"Higher? How can you be
higher than first?"
Johnny-''Easy enough. I can get to be
short stop or pitcher. Philadelphia Call.
"Mr Jinks," said the small boy. running
into the parlor where his sister Mary and
that gentleman were seated. 'What would
you do if you was out on the street and 1t
came on to rain ?' 81 don't know" an
swered Jinks. ''Then 1 guess Mary was
right, for she said this morning that she
didn't believe you knew enough to go in the
house when it rained - But when Mary had
finished with him that evening he made
solemn resolve never to attempt in the fu-
ture to verify anything his sister might say
Boston Post.
The following seasonable tales are from
the snake department of Puck: While Le-
titIa Grimsby was ly ing asleep in a hammock
on the front porch among the honeysuckles
one day last week a snake came out of an
field, crawled up into her ham
mock and braided her hair. When the young
lady awoke she was greatly astonished to find
her hair braided but supposed it the act of
her sister, as the snake had disappeared. On
the following day the same thing occurred
again, and her sister having seen it aroused
the young lady after the snake had gone,
and told her what had happened. AT the
present time the girls in the Grimsby family
never braid their hair at all. When they
want it braided they simply lie in the ham
mock and pretend they are asleep and the
snake does the business for them
Walter j Blum was riding on his bicycle
along the turnpike out at Verona, New Jer-
sey, one day last week, when the rubber tire
suddenly few off the front wheel. Before
the rider could stop the machine a large
black snake that was lying in the road sud
denly placed its body in the groove of the
wheel, which it just fitted, and remained
ere until the bicyeler reached the end of
his journey.