davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

William Lawrence, who died In
Lansingburg, N. r, recently. had for
many years believed that he was i'm.
mortal and would never die.
Everett Hale is engaged,
in cooperation with his son. on a his
torical sketch of Benjamin Franklin s
life in Paris during the revolution.
Oscar Wilde asserts that it would
now be an impossibility for him TODD
anything that would meet the approval
of the American people. The New
York World suggests that he might try
suic de.
1t is said that William H. Wander
bilt is afraid to trust himself in the
hands of strange barber. He is
shaved every day by an old German
barber. Jacob Aber, who shaved Fer
nando Wood for over thirty We ars.--N.
Y. Times.
Mrs. Lydia Smith, the negro wom-
an who was Thaddeus Stevens house,
keeper for so many years, and who died
recently. bequeatbed by her will five
hundred dollars for the preservation
and care of Mr.. Stevens grave in
Lancaster, Pa.
The venerable Rev. Mr.. David
Winters, of Dayton, O., recently mar
ried his 4,9s0th couple, and after the
ceremony wished the bride as much
happiness as had been the lot of her
good father and not less estimable
grandfather, at whose weddings he had
had the pleasure of Officiating.-C ere-
Int LCader. Ge
Senator Sherman's wife spends at
least six months in the year ut Mans
field, O., where both she and John
were born. She was daughter of the
late eX-Lieutenant-Gover Stewart,
of Ohio, a man of wealth, who de-
cidedly objected for while to giving
his daughter to John Sherman.-Chi-
cago Inter Ocean.
Anna Gordon, of BlufftOh, S. G., is
one hundred and eleven years of age.
In all this time she has never missed
attending communion service, and
never rode to church but once, and
that was when she was married, eighty
seven years ago The church which
she now attends is four miles from
where she lives, yet she is usually in
her seat before the bell rings.-M. O.
Picayunc.
Josephine Jones Yorke, the opera
singer, being at odds with her man.
ager. Colonel Mapleson, and disliking
the fanciful biography of her which he
put forth in her native city of Cincin-
natl, has published card saying that
her father was a wealthy soap and
candle maker there: that she is thirty
one years old; that she has always
done all she could to help her family,
and that she will keep her opinion OF
the Colonel to herself Cincinnati,
Times tF
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03

| ing else; and II captain DAn ac0sge0
Cousin Till, we made up our minds he
was going to have her, false .op-knot,
big farm, and sulks, too, in the bar
gain!
How we argued, how we planned,
and how at last we made up our minds
what to do and how to 60 about it!
Our plot began with a message.
Would Captain Dan meet papa that
evening at sunset by the bend? OF
course he would, and for the rest of that
day we confined our energies to stealing
everything we could lay our hands on in
the way of ropes and brides and
strings. That evening when the sun
lay in golden splendor on the water,
and the swamp-frogs were piping their
dismal refrain, Cousin Till strayed of
| to the beach, as usual, with cloud of
white wool over her bronze locks and
blue-and- gold Burns in her hand.
We took notion to stray that way
ourselves. only we made no such Sc
ductive picture with Billy's bride be-
tween us. and the great thong of tink-
ling sleigh-bells dragging along in the
sand. We found our chance when she
stopped to pick up pinkish pebble,
and before she could say Jack Robin
son, old Billy's bride was lassoOing her
soft white throat, and John was strap
ping her arms to her sides with the
string of noisy bells. l think she con-
sidered it fun of rough sort at first,
and humored our frolic so far as to let
us shove her along to the Bend. She
even laughed out gayly at Dixie's fierce
efforts in the way of clutchings and
Aggie's vicious outings from behind.
But when she saw Captain Dan wait.
ing impatiently before us, and when he
saw her-and us-and wien JohE
handed over the bride with the unnec.
essary assertion that ''there she was,
and no mistake!" and when they both
flushed up like honey-suckles, and she
hung her pretty head while he I'm.
wound her from the musty ropes anC
still she did not move, and when at last
we left them there with the sun flooding
them both with its dying blessing, how
triumphantly we scampcred down the
beach to the chorus of
A corrsstalk fiddle and a shoe-string bow,
If you catch pretty girl don't you let her go"
"A olulplC StOiy, yCS, ~ SiuiplC tut'
except for Captain Dan himself never
should have remembered. For one
thing it happened SO long ago. never
realized how long, until met him face
to face, and the poor dear did not know
me
So gray, so sorrowfully old-should
a man look like that at forty?
And when, at last, beat it into his
memory that l was one of the seven
causes of his marriage, and asked him
how dared he forget, he turned on me
with :. most startling contempt for pc.
likeness, and with a sigh that was sol
emn even for a countryman lost in the
noises of town:
Forget! Why, I've been wishing
every day for the last fifteen years that
1 had let the whole gang of you go tc
the bottom. Forget you? No such
mck!'
- 1t never occurred to me before, but,
now that come to think of it, Cousin
Till wasn't exactly the sort of woman
to make a successful home. and as for
him-if only he had not interfered how
much better off aDe would have been at
the bottpm.-Msaaiel Say Lancaster, in
The Continent.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03
Whimsical Advertisements.

| Very whimsical desires find expires
sion in the advertising columns of the
day. A lady of oompanionable habits
wishing to meet with lady or gentle
man requiring companion, would pre-
fer to act as such to lone who, from cir
cumstances, is compelled to lead re.
tired life" A stylish and elegant wild
ow, good singer and musician, pos
sessing energy, business knowledge,
and means of her own, ready, ''for the
sake of a social home," to undertake
| the supervision of widowers estab.
1ishment, thinks it we'll to add, good
ness knows why, |'a Radical preferred. -
Somebody in search of middle-aged
man willing to travel. stipulates for a
m'santhrope with bitter experience OF
the wickedness of mankind; displaying
as pleasant taste us the proprietor OF
"a wonderful discovery for relieving
pain and curing disease without medi-
cine. who wants a partner in the shape
of a consumptive or asthmatical gentle
man.
Your jocular man, lacking an outlet
for his wit will often pay for the priv
ilege OF airing his humor in public.
Here are are few examples: '.Want-
ed, good Liberal candidate for tie
Kilmarnock Burghs. Several inferior
ones given in exchange" Wanted, a
Thin Man who has been used to collect
ing debts, to crawl through key-holes
and find debtors who are never at
home. Salary, nothing the first year;
to be doubled each year afterwards :"
s.Wanted, twelve-feet ulanks at the cor
ners of all the streets in Melbourne,
until the Corporation can find some
other means of crossing the metropoj-
tan creeks. The planks and the Cor
poration may be tied up to the lamp
posts in the dry weather. ''Wanted,
Cultured Gentleman used to milking
goats; University man preferred"
Correspondence is solicited from
Bearded Ladies, Circassians and other
female curiosities. who, in return for a
true heart ard devoted husband, would
travel during the summer months, and
allow him to take the money at the
door, Wanted, Coachman, the
ugliest in the city; he must not. how
ever, have a mmstache nor red hair as
those are very taking qualities in GER
tain households at present. AS he will
not be required to take care of his en-
ployer's daughter, and is simply en-
gagged to see to the horses, he will only
be allowed twenty dollars per month. .
A great deal might be said about
pictorial advertisements, if the impos-
sibility of reproducing them did not
stand in the way. As it is. we must
content ourselves with showing how an
advertisement can be illustrated without
the help of draughtsman or engraver
BY arranging ordinary printers types
thus:
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03
HUMOROUS.

The duty on silk hats has nothing
to do with that on earthenware, though
they are classed as tiles.-LoveU Cour.
ter.
An insane woman in Brooklyn i'm
AGNES she is to have eight husbands.
Her suflerings are dreadful.-Brooklyn
Eagle. --.-
How many sisters have you, my
little boy?' Il used to have three. .
he replied, "but have only two now;
Charlotte is married. '-Harper's b.
gar.
"A Boston man advertises that he
RECEIVERS umbrellas. This man should
have good run of custom. We would
give him a job ourselves if we thought
he could recover the silk one we lost
last spring. S0n,erUitie Journal.
"A Western woman applied to a
doctor for prescription for her hus-
bands rheumatism. Get that pre-
pared" said the medical man, ''and
rub it we'll into your husbands back.
If it does him any good let me know;
Eve a touch of rheumatism myself. -
N. Y. Sun.
The Corsicana (Tex.) Courier has
this little notice: Through the urban
ity of personal friend we have been
favored with copy OF the first annual
report of the Corsicana public schools
for the year 1928. The pamphlet con-
sists of twenty-sx pages and contains
two hundred and sixty-six errors. - '-
-''Let me have piece well DONE"
said an Irish waiter to carver, who
was busy at round OF beef lis it for
a gehtleman?'' "No. sir" ''For a
lady?" .'No, s:r" For child, then?'
mo, SIR ''Well. then, who under
the Heaven is it for?'' asked the excited
carver. ''For tailor replied Pat
Chicago NeUs.
"A lady called at one of the sewing
machine offices recently to say that her
machine was imperfect. and she wanted
it taken right away and new one put
in its place. She said the printed in
structions said to turn the wheel toward
the operator, and there was not sign
of an operator on the machine any.
where N,tsburyh Dispatch.
An Indiana jury sent in a written
verdict of ''Blode to peces bi the biler
Dustin. ''-Boston Journal. A Boston
jury would likely have stated it thus:
Horresco refcrens. hic jacet the MOLE
culaI remains of one who experienced
tie expansive and elevating power of q
fluid composed of oxygen l, hydrogen
9. when under the influence of H. o. T.
of PIP deg.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
"A Rockland woman was Boosting
the other evening of her rare GOODNESS
and abnormal nerve, The next day, as
she was looking in store window at a
choice thing in .Hamburgs, a strange
dog incidentally rubbed his nose against
her bare hand, and she jumped and
yelled so loud that she shook off a
pound and half of excellent back
hair.-ROckiand Commercial Gazette.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03
The Bank Cashier.

"When the public reads an account
| of some defalcation or breach of trust
On the part of bank cashier, people
are too apt to deplore the degeneracy of
human nature as WHOLE said Bank
Examiner Magruder, stopping for a
moment his examination of q fOrmida-
BILE column of six-space figures. If
we consider the great trust that is of
necessity reposed in these officials, and
the amount of money and securities
that daily pass through their hands, the
only wonder is that they do not more
often succumb to temptation and ap-
propriate the funds of the bank to their
own use. The cashier used to be, and
even now is in small country towns, the
important officer of the bank. He dis
counted notes upon his own response
bility, and, in fact, did almost all the
business, whatever its nature. The di-
rectors were then mere tigure-heads,
and did nothing more than draw their
dividends and hold monthly meetings.
Now in the large cities all this is
changed. The directors are what the
name implies-real managers. They
meet twice every. week to transact
business. The president has the power
to discount paper between these meet
ings, but all paper so discounted must
be laid before the directors for their
sanction. If it is approved, well and
good; if not, it is given to a broker and
sold, or is held by the bank, with the
understanding that no more of it is to
be accepted.
"In banks OF this kind the cashier is
nothing more than the head book-keep-
err His duties are almost wholly of
clerical nature. and at the same time he
exercises general supervis on over the
tellers and other subordinate clerks.
The tellers. rs well as the cashier, are
Under bonds, but of course this affords
little protection against dishonesty. The
bonds in every case are very small COM
pared with the amounts passing through
the hands of the tellers and cashier.
1.-THE books of the banks are gener-
ally examined twice a year by the di
rectOrs. and once year by the Govern
ment Bank Examiner. OF course, if
the Directors of the Government have
reason to think that everything is not
all right, an examination of the books
and securities is at once made. When
ever an examination of this kind is
made some things are always disclosed.
even in the best-regulated banks, that
are unpleasant. But there are COM
paratively few real cases of dishonesty.
Whatever errors are found are gener-
ally the result of careless or misjudg-
ment. 1 am not at liberty to tell you
l., rs <ho h hA
ent banks. Indeed, they vary greatly.
Take bank with capital of $1,000
900 and the salary OF the cashier is very
large, as it should be. Banks with a
smaller capital pay less. Depend upon
it, there are lots of honest men in the
world yet, and no one has better OPP
portunIty to realize this fact than one
who sees the great temptation to which
bank officials are exposed. "-Boston
Globe.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03
Exploration Of New Guinea.

80 .'In connection with the Wsltham
Watch Company, it may be stated that
when the proprietors of The Age desired
to present MI. G.E. Morrison (the explor-
or of New Guinea) with reliable chro-
nometer, acting upon the advice Of Mr..
R.L.J. Ellery, the Govern't Astronomer,
two Waltham watches were, however,
procured for Mr.. Morrison instead.
These were kept at the Melbourne OBJ
servatory for q fortnight, and thorough
" and carefully tested, and were pro-
nounced by Mr.. Ellery, at the end Of
that time. to be better suited for Mr..
Morrison's requirements than any chro'
uomstsr. "--Esk frvM AtIssxrse ~
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03

AT the recent annual meeting in
Scotland of the, Northern Accident In
surance Company, the Chairman stated
that they had abandoned all risks in
connection with football and bicycling.
The risk was SO great that the ordinary
premium would not cover it. The pres
ent policies of the kind were nearly run
out. and they had deter mined not to 70
new them.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03

"A youth was recently arrested in
Philadelphia charged with stealing
money from his mother and geese from
his neighbors for the purpose of pur.
chasing wedding ring for his sweet
heart. PhilddelphiG Press.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03

an ingenious advertising agent presents
the public with portraits of the man
who does not and the man who does ad-
vertise, and says: TRY it and see how
you will look yourself. Chambers
Journal
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03

Keep the lambs off the pastures
where old sheep run, if you would have
them free from the disease known under
the various names Of cough, husk, paper.
skin. bloodlsssness, stc.-M Y Herald
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03

Mr.. Ross, who has reported the pro-
oeedings in Parliament for the London
Times for sixty.two years, has retired
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-04-03

.What became of Camp we, too, filed
up> the crooked old stairway to the
rooms allotted to our sway.
We had cast John for the barber in
our thrilling version of the Grape OF the
Lock" but being overwhelmed with a
conscience at the trying moment, Jim
assumed the part at the usual five min
uteS' notice and doubtless would have
performed his role with perfect salts
faction but for tableau not down in
the bill
The harvest moon was shining like a
calcium as we crept stealthily on our
bare tip-toes to the door of my Cousin
Till's chamber. There she lay fast
asleep. like the princess in the fairy
tale. and there were we face to face to
face with-John was the first to spy it
"a fluffy coil of reddish gold sprawled
out on the dresser!
When we carried Captain Dan the
scandalous news think he had wild
notion to box us for our pains. He
laughed. laughed till the fishing
was spoiled, and made us prom Sc
never to raise our hands again to harm
! a hair of her head. Then papa, being
| in proper mood. we lured him behind
the granary door and contided in him
as well-a confidence that led to the
horrible discovery that Cousin Till and
our Captain Dan had been something
more than friends.
Wasn't she to blame?, asked John,
who had heard of such goings On as
counting involves, and liked to air his
knowledge.
"Weil, yes, honey, l think there's no
doubt about that; but young people
don't need to talk of such things, SO run
and forget it,
Not talk, indeed! We talked Of moth
The Hazlehurst signal., 1884-04-17
Our Best Young Men.

"Wha's alrs talk bout tina. Texas
fcllah and this Lasker business" asked
one Of our best young men. n he stood
with his friends inhaling the madden
ing fumes of the destroying cigarette.
A long silence followed, which was
at lcn.th broken by the best young
man who makes living by sucking tho
head of n cane. After pondcring the
question fully for long time. he said;
"What Laskcr v talkin' 'bout?"
The first best young man was evil
IDENTIFY ANNOYED by the question. lie
looked sadly ut his too,hpick shoes.
hoping for some inspiration from them.
but none came. He sighed heavily.
east an appealing glance toward the
wcll-inlormcd best young man, who re-
manned silent. however, and the first
speaker replied:
"Samc 1askcr-fcllal that got into
trouble with Texas fellah-Doubll,rcc.
was Texas fcllah's name, b'licvcd.
Some kind of--er nh trouble, b.
lieycd."
The eyes Of all the best Young men
now turned toward the wcll-iaiormcd
best Young man. He was always looked
up to in political discussions, because
he once drew salary in the custom.
house for doing something ar other he
had forgotten what il was that he did
i'm the cIistom-housc. hut he did II for
several years. In answer 10 the g'anccs
bent upon him in mute, but intelligent
inquiry. the well-iniormed best young
man said:
"Aw-yaas, know. said at the
time thcrc'd bc trouble. Said when
Secretary Steward
who's he secretary OFF, asked the
hest young man whose mother takes in
washing.
"Dash il know" said the wcll-in-
formed best Young man. after u painful
silence; ..somc club or othah I've Just
forgotten what. Well. | said when Sc,-
rotary Steward bought AlaSkcr OF the
Proosians said then bismarck make
trouble bout il some day. n he has.
"Wha'd he buy il for?' asked the
best young man, who generously nj
lows his sister, who teaches school,
nearly one half Of her salary.
Don't know" said the wcll-in.
formed best young man. 'Spcct want
ed To luild on IL. or or -or-Somc-
thing" he added. with sudden g'r1m
of knowledge that dazzlcd him.
"Wha's Texas fc'lah got to do with
it?" asked the best young man who
used To assist ut the ribbon counter.
"Why." explained the well-in'ormci
best Young man. ..rcxas fcllah's some
thing To do with Government; he's
Land Commissioner. ! b'licvc; some
thing 4 that kind; he's in with Govern
mcnt somcway. anyhow. Names
Oglesby. Texas fellahs name l.. Has
some interest In Alasker, rcckoncd.
And the best young mcr wandered on
To a place that sold scented cigarettes.
marveling greatly mt the breadth and
depth Of the knowledge OF the well In
formed young man. Still. II int every
young man who could enjoy that young
mans opportunities. But these are
stirring times. and when we reflect that
by ard by the youth Of to-day must
man and guide the ship OF state II IL
very gratifying to see our best young
men taking an active interest in poll.
tics.-ROJcri J. Bur- dette, IN brooklyn
Eagle.
The Hazlehurst signal., 1884-04-17
A Choir Anecdote.

In the Century, Rev DIR. Charles =.
Robinson continues his discussion OF the
annoyances and humors Of the musical
service in churches, and relates this an.
ec,lote: GLORIOUS Easter was at hand
and great preparations were made in the
rural parish for its celebration; boughs
were twined in the aches Of the build
ing; flowers swung In wreaths overhead
and shonc in beautiful baskets among
the aisles; children had been rehearsing
carols. All the town came in on that
notable morning. II was u scene never
TO be forgotten. The minister was ra-
diant; his eyes bcamcd with delight.
But thought struck him: this audi
cnce. so happy, so generous, so enthns-
iastic would they not hear him mo-
ment for u stroke OF business? After
the invocation and the first song. he
surprised them with n proposition to
bring Easter offerings now mt once to
Gods altar, and lift the dear old church
out of debt; oh. then there would b. u
resurrection! Tho congregation would
come up from under Its great stone into
new life II they would roll 1t away!
Then the plates went their course, and
hearts were touched, and purses were
emptied. and the heaps OF money lay
before the moistened eyes of the relieved
pastor rs he TREMENDOUSLY thanked q
good God for his peoples fidelity In re-
Spouse. The money Is here. l am sure
tits, he exclaimed. 'Ifthere be a little In
arrears It can be made up in a day, and
now we are ready heartily to 90 on with
the worship Of our risen Lord So the
fixed programme proceeded. A little
German had been procured from the
metropolis for an annex To the tenor;
his solo came In at this exact crisis OF
grateful emotion; he rendered it with q
fresh aplomb. though the consonants
were awkward: AN dc DIET sail bo
raised-de DIET sail be raiscd-an' dc Diet
an dc dct-sall be raised-sa!l be
raised In dc twinkling of an ay.ec y
Snow II Is quite safe to say that after
the congregation went home, the theme
Of the day was dissipated, and the two
events uppermost In everybody's mind
were the surprise which the eager min.
lister had sprung upon the people. aud
tho ridiculous appropriateness OF the de-
clamatory solo which followed II. On
general principles. we have no 0b,ec.
ton TO the collection Of money to dis.
charge religious obligation, even In di-
vino service; but IL does seem q pity
that humorous episode should be the
chief "reminiscences Of such q solemn oc'
casion."
The Hazlehurst signal., 1884-04-17
md fiery tongues will give II to him.

Sce!"
The pen Is powerlcss TO describe tho
scene that followed. Tho Indian girl,
from her lofty lookout, saw all-saw u
human form fighting with countless SER
penis. whose fangs were driven deep
into the quivcring flesh. Sho saw him
fight with all the desperation OF despair.
She heard his prayer for mercy, and
answered with horrid, hooking laugh
ter. She saw tho maddened wretch.
completely covered with network OF
scaly coils. leap hcadlong from the rock
knew that she wa, terribly rcvcngcd.
and calmly sought old Pedro and told
him that his master wanted him. ALI!
how the old man shuddercd when hc
found the disfgurcd corpse. AMI read
ut glance the true history OF the mat.
ter. His eyes could not be deceived,
no matter what anothcr's might be-. lilo
made coffin Of bark. and was prcpar.
ing to bury the remains when he saw
BERRY Hunter" standing ut little
distance. laughing and making gcs'
lures. This action eXaspcrated Pedro,
and he determined upon revenge.
God forgive me-" he mutiercd be-
tween his teeth. cit may DO wrong to
take n human lfo, but"
The ringing Of his rite cut the sem
tence short. and at the same time an
arrow from the unerring bow OF Der
nv Hunter" who saw Pcdro's intention,
pierced the old mans heart. while sim.
ultancously bullet from Pedro's rite
crashed through the brain OF the UNI
fortunate Indian girl. Thus closed .
tragedy, short but terrible in its ending.
Cincinnati Enquirer.