The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-09-11
HUMOR.

IF you would be wealthy, get upon
mule; you will soon find you are better
off.
A NUMBER of Pennsylvania specula-
tors, having taste for high art, have
been done in oil.
SAID the dentist: mo doubt
without pain twill come out"
Said the man with grin:
"That remark Is tooth In.
JULES VERNE's next novel will prob
ably be headed "The Adventures OF
Mr.. Mike Robe"
A WAREHOUSE is always spoken OF as
a heavy charger, and yet We never hear
of tailor being called war-horse.
A SCULPTOR has just completed q
statue called "Slumber." 1t does not
represent policeman on duty, as many
suppose.
AT reception a young lady acct
dentally set her back hair on fire.
When II was extinguished she said she
was glad it wasn't her best.
Mr.. SMITH-"Jones, / don't object to
music, but when that dog of yours banks
all night I think it little too much"
"Then you don't appreciate Often
bach"
THERE is a clergyman in Australia
who charges for the performance of the
marriage ceremony according to the
weight of the parties-a penny pound
for the bridegroom and pence for the
bride. In that parish it is not an un-
common thing to hear young man re-
mark No, darling, not Immediately;
you're too fat"
WHEN lovely woman takes notion
With brick to hit cat.
burning house, raging ocean,
Were safer spot than that!
Seize her quick secure and bind her.
Ere the missile dire she throws;
Or tbs like some one behind her
Gets it full upon the nose.
Free Press.
Foe & MIST were china-dealers in
Warwick street; the firm afterward
became Fog & Son, on which it was
naturally enough remarked that "the
sun had driven away the mist" Going
q Come was the style of q well-known
banking house in Ireland, and on their
failure in business some one wrote:
Going and Come are now both one,
For Come is going, and Going's gone.
A LADY called at a chemists shop,
u,
cles, remembered she wanted some cos
metic for the toilet, and, turning to the
chemist, asked, Have you any Bloom
of Youth?" The merchant, over whose
head more than fifty summers had
passed, turned to one of his clerks and
asked, in busy way: Have l any
bloom of youth left?" The clerk
looked up with quiet smile, and an
swered, Il believe not, sir.
AN anecdote is related, illustrative
of the slyness of the Bohemians, compar-
ed with the simple honesty of the Ger
mans and the candid unscrupulousness
of the Hungarians. In war times three
soldiers, one each of these three ma
tions, met in parlor of an inn, over
the chimney-piece of which hung q
watch When they had gone, the Ger
man said, "That was good watch;
wish 1 had bought it. Il am sorry
did not take it," said the Bohemian.
Il have it in my pocket" said the Hun
gerian.
"CHIcAGo is great city," remarked
one travelling man to another, as they
got off the train in that town. "Yes,
it's big place. Did you ever see them
raising houses and building the first
story last?" "No; do they do that?"
Eyes; all the time. Why, some time
ago they raised the whole fremont
House, with 4, 900 jacks" "How many?"
"Four thousand" Thunder 1t didn't
take that many, did it? BY gravy, I
saw fellow down in Cincinnati, about
week ago. go into one of the biggest
establishments there, and I'm sucker
if he didn't raise the whole house with
two jacks. Prettiest game of bluff
ever saw" The other man gave Gin
cinnati the lead, and Chicago came in a
very fair second.