The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-08-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

Arb0r last week. We don't know
what kind of an animal it is, but are
glad to know that the bicyclist came off
victorious.
Some one has discovered that the
high-heeled shoes worn by women pro-
duce softening of the brain. Ii was
not generally known that the brain of
women who wear such shoes was To-
Gated so low; but it seems plausible
enough.
The poet Browning is being painted
by his son in all the glory of his scar
let Oxford doctorial gown for Balliol
College, of which he is fellow. This
may be all right, but it seems rather
ungrateful for young man to paint
his father red. Boston Post.
A writer on health advises people to
olive in the SUM-" Owing to the pres
ent inadequate facilities for transport
tation and the high price of real estate
on that luminary, we should not adj
wise any of our readers to emigrate
there this season. Burlington Free
Press.
Waiter what will you have, Miss?"
Customer docking over the restaurant
bill of fare) Permit me to cogitate.
In the correlation of forces it is rec
ognized property of atomic"
Waiter Shouts across the hall to head
server)-"Baked beans for one. -
Philadelphia call.
Carrie" said one Somerville Girl
to another yesterday, "are you going
to the picnic tomorrow" lam; are
you?" "Of coursem What do you
intend to wear?" "My white muslin,
of course. What do you intend to
wearP" Il will wear waterproof
cloak. I've been at picnics before.
My arrest is foul outrage, and |
shall make the authorities suffer for it.
What in heavens name were you
doing. Absolutely nothing. l was
engaged in work on my farm when the
officers swooped down and captured
me. HIM; yes. What do you raise on
your farm? Notes. Rochester Post
Express.
The seats in Western church are
set on pivots, like those in dry-goods
store. This enables the fair worshiper,
who sits pretty well up in front, to
turn around and count the number Of
new bonnets in the house without
screwing her head off almost, and
going home with q stiff neck. Norris
torn Heraid.
81 am choost as full ash bag of
-four" remarked an inebriate to
sober friend. There is difference
between you and sack of flour, how
ever" What ish ditference?" When
a sack is full it can stand up, but when
you are fnll you can't even lie down on
the ground without holding on. Tee
as Settings.
"lf," said an Austin school, teacher,
'you 90 TO butcher shop and pay ten
cents pound for meat, how many
pounds" Up went the hand OF a
new boy from the country. What is
it, johnny" when we want meat
we don't 90 to butchers shop Pa
goes out on the prairie and kills a
maverick. "-IeraS Sytings.
Jane, hear your beau is little
wild; not very steady, they say"
''Oh, yes, he is; he is one of the most
steady young men ever saw. -
STEADY? Oh, no, he can't be. I've
heard he was anything else but steady"
well he just is steady. He has al
ways come to the house every evening
since we were first engaged, drunk or
sober"
A gentleman made his way into the
bed-chamber Of one of his friends and
found him fast asleep with pair Of
spectacles upon his nose. WHAT
cried he, awakening him, "do you
wear your spectacles while you sleep?"
"Oh!" replied the other, al am. Sc
near-sighted that without my glasses
could see nothing whatever in my
dreams"
An exchange thinks 'the time nav
come when the thunderstorm NAV be
called up by artificial means" Gomez
Why, bless you, it is here The only
artificial means necessary is to get up
Sunday-school picnic. There may be
an occasional failure, but it is about as
reliable as anything on this ever
changing globe-save death and taxes.
-NorriStoWn Hera'd.
"How glorious it is to be engaged in
purely intellectual occupation, y
murnured Boston maiden gazing
rapturously into the admiring eyes Of
country editor; your own mental
faculties for tools, and the whole uni.
verse for workshop. Now tell me, ~
she added, what do you find the most
dliicult thing connected with your
noble profession?' Paving the
hands" said the editor. -Philadelphid
CAL.
"Ah, Charlie, my dear boy, whats
your hurryP' well, to tell YOU the
truth. Ned, my defalcation has beer
found out and am in rather hurry
to get away" well, come up to the
club and tell me about it. and
mo, really can't; / have got to leay,
in the morning. The Sheriff has ius
told me that will be arrested in da,
or so. well, good-by, old man
write when you have time. "-Bosto,
Post
She had just returned from Vassar
and papa was stroking her hair fondly
81 hope, my dear" said the old man
THAT you haven't acquired any of tn
vulgar slang phrases which SO many G