Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1884-07-11
SQUIBS.

i -
Virgins claims to have seen two
moons We would simply warR Mr.
| Virgins that this Is lone of the first
/ symptoms.
Will you join me in cup of tea,
Mr.. Simpkins?" Mr.. Simpkins: ''Ah,
thank you: but wouldn't It be rather
crowded.
4 man has just been hung out west
for killing his sister-in-law. HIS widow
| hardly knows how to dress under the
circumstances.
Somebody says Good manners are
! the small coin of virtue" If this be
/ true, we suppose bad manners must be
the trade dollar of vice.
These warm evenings are just the
right time to pop the question, for the
girl IS usually ready to wilt before the
young man has time to say, wilt
thou be mine9"
The census proves that the number
of persons in a family in this country
is a small fraction over FIVE In some
families the husband is the small frac-
ton over
An Irish magistrate asked prisoner
if he was married. No" replied the
man. Then replied his worship,
amid peals of laughter, ''it is good
thing for your wife"
The ladies are against Logan. They
say that when human hair brings such
a good price no man has the right to
wear moustache big enough to make
a first class switch.
Now that a political campaign is
coming on, congress ought to pass a
law compelling stump orators to wear
porous plasters over their mouths and
talk only through the holes.
Emerson said: Trust men and
they will trust you" 1t might De
we'll for young men who have not
yet paid for their spring suits to cut
this out and enclose it to their tail
ors."
DR.. Mary Walker said few days
ago to Washington interviewer that
she would wear pantaloons or moth
ing. This IS dangerous. The doctor
must be let alone. We cannot bear
the alternative.
Have you got the rent ready at
last?' mo, sir; ma went out washing
and forgot to put it out for you be-
fore she left" How do you know
she forgot to put it out2' well, she
told me so.
1.-The artistic taste in Mrs B. S new
bonnet is SO perfect you can almost
hear it speak, remarked a Madison
avenue husband unto his spouse.
YES, was the reply, lit is certainly
very loud. "
An Oswego paper describes fire by
saying that 1.-The red flames danced in
the heavens and flung their fiery arms
like black funeral pail, until Sam
Jones got on the roof and doused them
out with pail of water"
A Hoboken justice asked colored
prisoner if he had ever been arrested
before. mo, sab; I has nebber yit bin
rested befoah. | runs so fast that hits
as much as de pleeceGaan kin do ter
cotch me behind"
Said bright eyed little Julia, Jersey
City Heights girl of five summers,
who was giving evidence of some
bodily pain, when asked by her
mother if she had the side ache
mo. mamma; but I've got the front
ache"
Squiggs will not allow his eldest
daughter who has reached the mature
age of sixteen to have beau. He
says that his wife can do all the bill
ing and the new baby all the cooling
that the house can stand at present.
My dear madam, " saia the doctor,
'if your little fellow can't sleep, tshall
prescribe a soporific." Thanks, doc
tor, replied the fond mother, 8 | dc
hope he'll take it, but I'm afraid not.
| never could get that boy to take soap
in any form"
Good Samaritan Ito friend with
''hot coppers"0 -"W What's the matter,
old chappie?" Sutferer-"Oh, my
boy, my brain is on fire! What would
you advise me to do2' G. S. -"Well,
if your brain are on fire, if | were
you l should, er-blow them
out
Upon looking at the size of the
Greenback party, says Colonel Moon
ey, lone is reminded of the remark of
the lrishman upon seeing a small cot
fin in the window of an undertaken.
It's entirely too small for any Twin
| orator.
Skilled miners who have been direct
ing the hydraulic mining operations
III California are in demand in South
Africa and Brazil. Their skill and ex-
perience in placer minin. ensures them
liberal wages.
Contrary to precedent and expecta
ton the ear has appointed no gov
ernor for his heir, but will himself act
in that capacity. The hours which
his father gave to reviewing regiments
he gives to his boys studies.
In the town of Pendleton, South
Carolina, is a half Shetland pony,
thirty seven years of age, which was
presented by an Englisa nobleman to
a citizen of Charleston. The animal
was originally black, but its head has
turned white from age.
Smoke and the increasing haze from
moisture in the atmosphere, which it
seems to enhance, are seriously inter
| fering with scientific observations in
Pittsburgh, and in five months there
| has llO1 bCo1 ohC SICdi
for delicate observations
The most successful counterfeit of
the dime is said to be made of glass
mixed with some base metal by pro
cess unknown to ordinary workers in
metal and glass The counterfeit
looks exactly like the genuine ten
cent piece, but on being struck with a
hammer it is crushed to pieces.
A trick ballot box is described by
tt Chicago Inter Ocean, by means of
which the side that owns the inspec-
tors at primary election is sure to
win. 1t is simple contrivance. AP-
pearing empty, a spring is pressed,
which throws up a false bottom, thus
allowing the indropping ballots to
mingle with those which were stuffed
into the box the night before.
Since the death of Holloway, the
pill man OF London, and the publica-
ton of facts about his advertising ex-
penses, interesting facts about other
great advertisers are coming to light
A well-known firm of soap manu-
facturers are spending from $3.50, 600
to 5000, 600 a year. The most prof
table investment they ever made is
said TO be Focardi's statue. You
r L II IL -