The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1884-08-09
NASBY.
Mr.. Nasby Reads "HArper's Weekly" and
Has u Dream Over 1t.
From the Toledo Blads1

toored the goriller Linkin.
The fust number we reserved con-
taned a cartoon based upon the story
Nv Virginia and her father Virginius.
! he'd great deal Nv trouble to
make the Corners understand the
meanin Nv the pikter. / he'd to tell
them that Virginia was the dawter Nv
Roman offiseI, sort NV Briggadeer-
General, ez it were; that the Emperor
wuz in love with her, and wuz bound
to hev her anyhow; that tbs gal wuz in
love with another feller; and the En-
peror, to git her, he'd one Nv his favorits
trump up q story that she wuz reely
his slave; and that sneekin cuss brot
the girl afore the Emperor, who NV
course gave judgment in favor Nv the
sneek-the pint bein to git the gal
away from her father and lover, when
she wood be immejitly turned over to
him; that, when judgment was rem
dered, the father, to save the gal from
fallin into the hands Nv the tyrant,
snatched a knife from butchers stall
and killed her.
Deekin Program remarkt that it wuz
shameful waste Nv property; that III
the good old days in Kentucky likely
gal like that wood bring 81 800 in Moo
Orleens.
Then [ went on to show that, in the
pikter, Virginia, the innosent gal, stood
for the Republican party that the crooel
Emperor wich wuz agoin to take her
anyhow wuz Blame, and that Virginius,
the father Nv the gal, wich wuz KILN
the virgin to prevent her from fallin in
20 the hands Nv Blame, wuz the Inde-
pendent Republican party, made up
mostly Nv Harper's Weekly and Mast,
the artist, wich I now hily respect.
They pertended to understand it, but
they didn't. 1t amt classikle alloshens
that ketch the Corners. They don't
know much about Virginius, but jist
invite EN- over to Bascom'sl That they
comprehend. My constituents must
be appealed to mostly thro the bowels
After exhaustin myself tryln to ex-
plain the pikter, l went to bed aad
dreemed. The pikter was fresh in my
mind. Their wuz the Independent Re
pubhkin, labeled Independent Repub-
hkin," sot 700 cooden't make any mis-
take; there wuz Virginia, the handsome
gal, labeled, "Repubikin party" so't
700 cooden't make any mistake about
that; and ther wuz the Emperor la
beled Blame" so't you cooden't make
any mistake about him. Mr. Mast has
to label all his pikters now, since he
has jined the Democrisy.
10 begin with, it wuz all in the dreem
iist as it wuz In the pikter Blame
rushed forrerd to seeze the Republican
party, and the Independent party, Mr.
Curtis, seezed the gal, and drawd her
to one side, and waved the butcher
knife aloft, and wuz agoin to strike.
Iher wuz immejitly a tremenjus
change from the pikter. The damsel
standin for the Republican party wuzn't
shrinkln gal at all, but she was a tall,
strappin, splendidly proporshened fe-
male with muscle onto her And the
Independent voter wuzn't a hardy
soljer, with legs like the cedars of Leb-
anon and muscle like q blacksmith,
but.he was a thin-leggid, narrer- chested,
long haired, sallow-faced dude, with
his hair partid in the middle, He wuz
leanln' on the gal instead NV the gal
leanin' on him, and the moment he
quit lean1n' onto the gal his knees
Knocked together and it was with great
diffikilty that he stood alone. He wuz
so week without his material support
that he had to ketch onto a Southern
Dimocrat wich stood neer to keep on
his feet at all, and the shadder of the
Southern Dimocrat hid him from NOR
tai view. He wobbled.
The order NV things ez wuz set down
in the pikter wuzn't observed at all.
Their wuz variashen different from
wat the Independent voter expected.
The fair damsel, the Republican
party, suddenly developed great deal
NV muskeler power and considable
will of her own. She riz to her full
hite and fetched the Independent dude
one under the ear that sent him in one
direckshun and the knife another, and
then she jumped onto the two of EN-,
and KEEP lumpin on EN- till Mr.. Mast
didn't know whether he wuz Mast or
Curtis, and Mr.. Curtis was in great
doubt whether he wuz Curtis or Mast
Hevin finished the Independent party,
she rushed over to Blame, and, THROWN
herself in his muskeler arms, reposed
there confdinly and ez quietly ez any
well-behaved young female ever did in
the arms Nv her ownest.
The Independent party ariz and sed
Look here, this isn't the way it is, at
all. Yoo must permit me to kill 700 to
save yer honor, 700 know. Eff yoo
don't, wat becomes Nv me and Harper's
Weekly? This won't do at all Fall
into my arms and be knitted without
maxim all this fuss. Yoo can't live
without me, 700 know"
Then up spoke the daynsel:
"Excoose me. When / make
change it won't be to take up with
thin, legged, emasculatid atomy like
voc. / don't like hair partid in the
middle, and can't love cold abstrack-
shuns. [ don't need to be killed to
save my honor, for / amt quite so
weak a virgin ez all that comes TO.
don't wear flowers in my hair, and /
hev quit the bloc ribbon about my
waist some time since. I know my
little biz. l don't perpose to be killed
at all. J. G. is good enuff spouse
for me, espeshly ez he come at me
squarely and capchered me honorablv:
and ez for yoor KILN me, 700 poor
thing, you hevn't strength enuff 10
strike. Yoo amt got nerve enuf to
weeld the knife you hold, wich is moth
in but lath anyhow. The only weapon
worthy ov 700 is knitting needle"
And she took 'em on her thumb-nail
and cracked 'en ez Kentucky woman
does nits.
I sin't shoor but what the dreem WIZ
profettik. 1t does kinder dawn on me
that Harper's Weekly didn't make the
Eepublik;n party, but that the Repub-
ikiin party made Harper's Weekly. And
then the story amt q good one for Mr..