The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-04-03
HUMOR.
A MATTER OF course-the races.
DpurKuNNpss Ia n reel misfortun


EARLY at the ball-a squalling baby.
CHARITY warmed over is very cold
comfort.
THE Chicago Ledger is publishing
serial story entitled "The Devils
Diary" Advertising for compliment
airy tickets, eh?-NewmGn indepe'ad-
e,lt
JIMMY, where were you yesterday
EVENING"" well, the first part OF the
evening / tied pack of firecrackers to
our dogs tail. and he ran under tho
smoke-house and set it atire, and after
that pa and me went off on whaling
expedition.-Th Judge.
"KEEp your eye on your overcoat,
is sign conspicuously displayed in
several Northern restaurants. This -,
at first sight, good advice; but the
most effective plan would be to lay
hands on the fellow who attempts TO
collar your coat.--TeTds SV.SngS.
THERE are about fifty Postmasters In
this country who receive salary of 81
year. It's worth that to a man who
has nothing else to DO but TO study hui
man nature and chew tobacco, to say
nothing of the fun he'd have in putting
letters in the wrong box.-TeraS StT-
5pgS.
"WHERE shall we bury?" asks sci
entific writer. Did you ever try the
earth? That is considered u very ap-
propriate place by many people. This
practice of burying corpse in an ash
barrel or throwing il over the back /.
fence into a neighbours yard cannot be
too strongly condemned. -NorrtstoDn
Herald.
A coUNTRYnAN saw the announce
ment of "A Grand Mega!harion" OF
natural wonders, and concluded to take
it in He paid his money and en-
tered the tent. After looking around
very attentively, seemed still to be
searching after something he could not
find At last he saluted the manager
with: Look here, boss, I've seen the
rhinoceros, the lion, the tiger, and the
other monkeys, but where the deuce s
the "Grand Megatharion. Cart Pret-
zePS Weekly.
Sri" replied the shabby-genteel,
who had been asked to deposit 80 cents
with the cashier before sitting down TO
table in restaurant, wheat is way
down to nothing in price, and on the
first of the month there were 30,000,-
600 bushels heaped up awaiting mar
ket." Exactly" Potatoes are full
crop, and the price is low" yes"
"Buckwheat is shade frmer, but
there is no panic. Corn was nipned,
but the supply is all We need" II
see" while better beef and poultry
can be had at lower prices than have
ruled for years. Suppose / should
beat you out OF meal, the loss would
be mere trihe." MY dear SIR" re-
piled the other, "you are gravely mis-
taken 1t isn't the provisions you
would consume, but it IS the fact that
paper napkins have advanced Is cents
per thousand. Please secure us In ad-
vance. "-WaH Street Net0s.
THE DEATH OF THE DUDE.
Who killed he Dude?
I'VE with our pen, said the
newspaper men, we killed the
Dude Who's saw 3 him
die?-I,".+. ::!ll!ll:: .F said
ORarber > 40 L was
his barber, ne 20 - saw m dye"
Who caught his - *blood2 IL said the
poodle, when bit" the noodle caught
his blood" Who'll make his shroud9
Il" said the tailor, "tor was his jailer. I'll make
his shroud" Who'll dig his gravep Il will be-
dad" said his wa hwoman glad, "Oi'll dig
his crave" Who'll carry the linkp Il, said
his water tho was his hater, I'll Garry
the link" Who'll be the Pa son?"I," said
his Uncle whose nose was carbunce,
III be the Parson. hO'll be the
clerk Il with my slate, said the bar
tender great, IN b. the clerk"
Who'll Try him to TIL grave? L,
said the cop, "ior I've lif ed the
fop. I'll carry him b the gr we"
Who'll bear the pail? j, said
his hatsCr, he owes me-1O
matter Ill bear the pail"
Who'll be chief mourJerl"I' '
said his landlady; board
never paid he I'll he chief
mourner Who'll toll tho
bell2 Il" said the boy,
and IL give her much
jov. I'll tole tho be le."
Then over hrs grave
all the pussy cats
mewed. amounting
the dea h ~ the
poor little Dude.
Chicago Sun.
How Baggage Is Forgotten.
A l.