Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-05-02
THAT BORE SMITH.
Pleasant story from Merry England.

/ had Just returned from long alb
bence in China, and | was smoking pire
With an old chum of mine whom | had
eft spruce young bachelor and who
was now staid, hourishing married
man.
"By the way" | said, after general
Exchange of yarns and experiences, lust
TO finish up with, tell me about orr old
friend Smith, whom we used to call the
Bore"
My companion, Jones, laughed heartily
at the mention of the Old name and said
"But do you mean t. say you We never
heard the yarn? Well, | was very nearly
letting the cat out OF the bag straight of
but MS you evidently don't know anything
about it, fill your pipe agalu and I'll tell
it you. Mind, it's bit egotis,cal but
since you've asked me to tell you the
story, you mustn't accuse me Of blowing
my own trumpet, orof talking about mat
tiers which modest men generally leave to
other people to talk about. You'll be az
tonished when You hear the end of it."
So We filled our pipes, and Jones be-
gan:
"You kn"r that Smith was always
great friend Of mine-that is to say. he
and lunched together in the city every
day at famous old coaching inn in Bish-
opsgate street, which has some time rince
gone the way OF most of the famous old
London cuachlnginns. Smith was very
good fellow, but he had weak point,
and the undue prominence of this weak
point at all places and under all circum-
stances caused him to be looked upon as
an insufferable bore However, as he
possessed great number Of good points,
and as he was old enough to be my faith.
Ell and held rather prominent position
IN the City OF london, and could give me
excellent advice and help me materially
in my upward struggles as junior partner
in young city house, | winked at Smith
the Bore, and stuck to Smith the honest
experienced and good-natured.
Smiths hobby was Roman England
Now, had it been anything else--say pic
lures, or orchids, or old china, or curie
i should not have been so uusympathet
ic, bat as l was never of very romantic
disposition, having been brought up from
an early age in that most prosaic and I'm
sentimental of worlds, the city Smith
lnterminable largon about Reman Eng
land at times even overcame my patience
AS an instance of his boring system. h
would happen to light upon a name in til
newspaper, say Tadcaster down woul
go the paper and he would start off
'Tadcaster, dear me, Tadcaster. TIL
ancient Calcaria, you know, of the Itir
eraries, on the Carlisle branch of oil
Ermine street OF course you know no,
the Ermine street ran. Mop Well.
started from Durnovaria-that is. Do,
chester-passed through Sorbiodunuu
Salisbury, by Andover and Calleva Attr,
batum, Silchester that is, thence owe
Bagshot Heath by Bibracte, which
Egham, Staines, to London. From Lol
don it went through Hertfordshire. iolne
the present North road at Puckeridg
and on by Buntingford Royston, Wend
and Caxton to Godmanchester near Hui
tingdon, then called Durolipons then,
by Water Newton, Durobrive Caste
Duromagus /; Stamford and Granular
Here one branch goes on to Lincoln. Il
ancient Llndum, and York, while Il
other, that with which we are intereste
goes 10 Carllsle by Pontcfrnct, Tndcaste
and SO on
HE would detail every station ii
cussed the disputed questions Of The
whereabouts, talked of the antionitI
dug up, until was fairly sick of II n,
heartily wished that the Romans h,
stuck to the defense of their own rott,
empire instead of coming to England
order to go away again and leave fuel h
hind them to light the enthusiastic fir
OF such bores as Smith. He had been
the trouble to draw map of Rom,
England with the four great roads deli
Gated in different colors, and this man
always carried about with him a,
brought out so readily that / almost h
to pick my words and to avoid mentioni,
any names into the composition of viii
the syllables Coaster" or "street" entere
Tor fear OF giving him an excuse for n
ioiding his piece of paper.
AT last it grew intolerable No ~,
ter what topics OF absorbing pnb,;. ;n,.
est were in the papers. no matter be
seriously l wanted to talk with him nm,
business affairs. Roman England asse,
ed itself, and my weakness in sbow;,
myself patient listener onlv served
ian his flame. So 1 missed ons dsu
lunch, missed two and when :,
smith IN the streets, as 1 was ,urs 10 I,
a1ter these absences, I had to fabricate
excuse and to make promise TO bs at Il
usual place next day ana when In
he5t day came, it may be imagined how
the bore which should have been an,
upon me at the meals had missad -
length resolved TO cut him altogetbs
ana sns~ksd mp and down bywsys a,