Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1884-03-12
CRAB-FISHING.
Mrs. Spoopsndyke's Vain Attempt 80
Redeem Herself as Fish.
erwoman.
brooklyn Eagle.l


"Now you be careful" Mr.. Spoopendyka
said at length. "Heres another varmint and
you mustn't let him get away. When l say
'ScalpP you shove the net under him and just
bring him aboard.n
Can You see him yets" asked Mrs. Spoopesa-
dyke, waving the net over her head and peei~
ing into the water
Wait! Yes, there he is! Careful, remem-
Der. Now, scalp"
He must have been crab of phenomenal
scholastic advantages to have gotten rid OF
that swoop, for Mrs. Spoopendyke, with
view to redeeming herself went for the end
OF the string blindly, but with strength
of purpose that made failure impossible.
She not only got the crab, but she slammed
net, crab aud all over Mr.. Spoopandykes
head
"What-wah-h!!" shrieked that gentleman,
as he felt himself impounded.
Lost him againi" exclaimed Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, who hadn't the remotest idea
what crab looked like. ''Why, dear, what's
the awful big spider in the meta Good gra-
cious!"
"Take it off," howled Mr.. Spoopendyke.
@Take it-wow! the thing has got me by the
ear! Haul him off, viii yes"
Mrs. Spoopendyle dropped the handle OF
the net as if it were an old-fashioned bonnet,
and gazed upon her husband in consterna-
ton.
'Gast the crab!" yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
tearing the net away Let go, We brute!
Wa-haw and the unfortunate man wrenched
the fish from off his ear and dashed it in the
bottom of the boat. "What's your scheme In
doing thatan he demanded, holding his ear
with one fist and shaking the other at his
wife. think you've got to eat 'em right out
of the water? Got a notion that he came up
cooked and you must down him quick OF he'll
spoil:n yelled Mr. Spoopendyke, enraged be-
You'd all control by the sight of the carnage
that triclled down his fingers. What dye
mean by itg" and he sprang into the air and
alighted on the unhappy crab. slipping up
and sprawling full length in the bottom OF
the boat.
"Was that crab dear?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke. assisting her husband to arise
and contemplating the mangled fish with
ANYTHING but favor lis that what you call
crab. Thought"
'You thought" ripped Mr.. Spoopendyke,
kicking at the bewildered crab; That's the
trouble with you-you think! Did you think
/ was going to stand here and let that crab
chew ON my ear till his legs ached: Praps
We thought he was whispering to me! Maybe
you thought he was telling me funny
story! Well, he wasn't and if he was his
voice was so hoarse couldn't enjoy it! Ie
thought, did vel" squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, his wrath rising as the pain and fear
subsidized; Thought a crab talked with his
toes, like some women think, did he! Oh,
you thought! If had such a head as that
I'd fit it up with shuck beds and stick OF
gum and start female boarding-school!
With your ability to think, you only need
squint and four long words to be Concord
school of philosophy" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
plunged the oars into the water and began to
row vigorously.
"Where are you going, dear" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, timidly, after her husband had
pulled hard for some time.
"Home?" grinned Mr.. Spoopendyke. with
horrible expression of visage Pm going
home to show the people how much damage
a rusticating idiot asylum can do with one
muddy crab when she pins herself down
to it?'
"Then, dear, hadn't you better unite the
rope and let the boat loose" suggested Mrs.
Spoopendyke
Mr.. Spoopendyke turned and gave sharp
look at the bow Then he hauled his hat
down over his ears, stepped ashore and
struck out at brisk walk.
II don't know" sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
as she took her boat in. tow, Il don't know,
but don't think I care much for grabbing,
though I'm not sure but what it's more fun
than walking home on the wrong side OF
the river with no bridge within seven miles
either wayI'