Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-05-30
FUN

FUN
Well watched-A jewelers. window.
A safety -match--Marrying an heiress.
man who is locked up for drunkenness is
certainly in tight place.
st tolled you SO" said the sexton to the bell
that cracked and refused to peal any more.
Ella wants to know if we can't tell her what
the knights of the Bath are Usually Satur-
day nights, dear.
One doesn't notice that a car window is
anything like an oyster, until he tries to open
it.
Some people bang door, while other peo-
pie adore bang. We make it point to let
nothing escape our observation.
Taxation is said to bear equally on all
classes, from the fact that it hardly press
es on the rich and presses hardly on the
poor.
Hens may be little backward on eggs,
but they never fail to come to the scratch
where flower beds are concerned.
A man in Texas raises goats for their
flesh, but when the festive creatures grow
up they raise him just for the fun Of the
thing.
A milkman who imagined that he was
unobserved was seen recently patting
pump On the back in the most affectionate
manner.
A piece of bone has been found in
pound Of Philadelphia butter. The man
who can sell bone at the price of butter
has bonanza.
''There is sudden advance in leather"
remarked the youth who diyed out of the
front door as the irate parents boot
reached after him.
The proprietor of city bcne factory
announces that persons leaving their
bones with him can have them ground at
short notice.
Pat-''I will never forget it, your honor,
and may your honor llve in health till I
pay you.''
Eyes, Mary she said. ST am going to
have cream-colo1ed silk, provided pa
does not veto the appropriation bill ma
has passed.
A Michigan girl. at one sitting, ate two
pounds of limberger cheese. Her pa doesn' It
have to wear his heavy boots on Sunday
night any more.
A complaining Chicagoan, in his suit
for divorce, declares that his wife has
made every thing hot fer him in his mar
ried life, except his tea and his coffee.
Ordinarily we know from what country
most people come from by the language
they use; but in the case of The swearer it
is different. He uses the language of the
country to which he is going.
'Mr. Boatman," SAID timid woman
who was rowing her across the river. "are
people often lost in this river ?'' mo
man." he replied I'VE always find 'em in
day or so.''
A certain poetess is said to make good
canned jelies as we'll as good poetry" Il
is suggested that she also make new de-
parture; send her jelies to newspaper Of
fees and can her poems.
They were at a dinner party, and he re-
marked that he supposed she was fond of
: ethnology. She said she was, but was not
very we'll, and the doctor had told her not
to eat anything for dessert but oranges.
A little girl went timidly into store
and asked the clerk how many shoe-strings
she could get for five cents. "How long
do you want them 2" he asked 81 want
them to keep" was the answer. in toue
of slight surprise.
It is very desirable to be good reader.
A clergyman is said to have once read the
following passage from the Bible, with
the emphasis thus: 'And the old man said
unto his sons, saddle me the ass; and thew
saddled him ~
Judge our client had better make
compromise. Ask her what she will take"
Counsel-"My good woman, his Honor
asks hat you will take" Old woman
Ppm obliged to his Honor; as he's so kind
I'll j ust take glass of warm ale."
what is lake?" asked the teacher.
A bright little Irish boy raised his hand
well, Mickey, what is it?'' "Sure 1t is
the hole in the tea kitJle, num-
Railways are aristocratic. They teach |
man to know his own station and to |
stop there. They are eminentlv social,
too, being held together by many ties.
A jolly looking Irishman was saluted |
with the remark, Tim your house is
blown away "Deed thin, 1t isn't'' he
answered, "for have the kay in my
pocket"
A firm having used type writer in con.
Quoting their personal correspondence de-
partment, received letter from an indig-
nant customer, saying, II want you to
understand that you needn't print letters
sent to me. I can read writing-even
yours-and I dom want to be insulted by
reflections on my education"
It was in the editorial room of the Lon
don Times. do you think my foot will
have to be amputated, doctorp'' asked
the editor in chief, family. 81 am afraid
500 replied the physician: sit is very
badly hurt, but may be able to save it,
How did you manage to crush your foot
in this Wav?" "The bow dropped the