The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1884-10-11
BURDETrE AND CoLFAx.
How the HumOrist Rode Across the Prairie
to Meet the Ex-vice-P President.

How the Humorist Rode Across the Prairie
to Meet the x-vice-PresidenJ.
Brooklyn Eagle
In the earlier days, when I drew my lecture
from its scabbard and swept like bosom of
holocaust across the land, l lectured one night in
Macomb I'll AS | passed through Bushnell l
was told that l must drive up from Macomb that
night after the lecture, because Schuyler ColfaX
would pass through Bushnell the following
morning at o'clock; he would have ali hour
two to wait for a connecting train; the leading
citizens had arranged a little surprise breakfast
party for him. there would be much to say
something to eat and nothing to drink, and
had been appointed one of the speakers. There
were no trains, but the distance was only
twelve miles and | could drive.
Drive2 l would walk. In those younger days
to meet great man were greater than to be
Roman, and to make q speech at great mans
reception-remember, brethren, | was young
then was not a snarling, toothless old eynic,
with ashes of disappointment on my head and
the cinder of envious distrust in my eye. So l
went willingly, ioyously. proudly.
A>pel1eve, 10 meet the same man, would do it
again.
left Dfacomb at midnight The roads were
not of the good, goody; they were of the bad
badly; they were prairie roads. 1t had been rain
ing on them twenty two years, off and on--prin-
clpally on. The night was darker than theo
logical controversy. 1t raining like house
aire. 1t seemed as though old Aquarius had got
mad, pulled her wide open, threw her clear over
and was running wild for the next deluge. 1t
Numbered hard enough to sour a mans temper.
When 1t lightened, which was nearly all the
time, you couldn't see anything for the binding
glare When 1t was dark which was most of
the time, you could reach out and feel the dark
ness like fog bank. Splash, splash, splash,
splash went the horses through the mud. Where
they couldn't wade they could swim. By and by
there was serambling sound in the darkness.
The driver would have disappeared if he had
been apparent AS it was, without missing any
body particularly, 1 felt that was alone. Pres
emily voice came up from the darkness:
Where are your
l recognized the voice of my driver. had not
seen him since we left Macomb, but he had been
swearing all the way, and his voice had grown
familiar to me. | said that | was right where |
belonged on the seat in the buggy and asked
where he was. He informed me that the horses
had stepped upon a fallen bridge under our end
OF which there had been a washout. The for
ward wheels were resting on the sunken bridge
While the hind ones were perehed on the great
round earth which is the planet we inhabit
This accounted for the peculiar sensation | ex-
perienced of sitting on the roof of house or
the side of mountain.
The driver further told me that he had fallen
over the ash-b0ard, and was now sitting down
between the horses. He had the dash board
with him, but he did not know what to do with
it. He concluded by asking me if 1 was hurt.
told him that at first | felt little piqued at
not receiving an invitation to the bridge open
ing, but since his explanation l forgave every
thing-eherished no feelings of resentment. He
then suggested that l get out and walk across
the bridge, while he held the horses, and l
could see if the other end was all right
replied, with much feeling, that while could
not do that, 1 would remain where | was until
daylight, when could look across and tell him
how it was.
Finally he led the horses safely across, and we
resumed our pleasant lettering along the dark
ened way. AT the merry hour of 2:30 A. M, we
reached Bushnell.
IL
My eyes burned for sleep. / had smoked $50
cigars on the way, and was a little nervous.
erawled into bed just in time to hear the
porter say it was time to get up.
l sat up on the side of the bed and beginning
at my neck, counted nearly 300 distinct and
definite aches, and stopped at the floating ribs
discouraged, l arrayed myself in my wet and
muddy raiment and danced merrily off to the
banquetha | sat at the festive beard with smiles
on my pale. false face and murder in nay wicked
heart. When the festive board did not groan.
did. was among good, kind, loving friends
but their words Of cheer fell upon icy heart
for l wanted to crawl under the table and go to
sleep. | loved and admired Mr.. Colfax with
genuine Affection l meant all the true and
beautiful things | said about him that morning
and he will forgive me when he knows that
wanted to hit him with a stove leg.
l went back to the hotel and went to sleep
leaning up against the wall of my room, before |
could get close enough to the bed to fall upon it,
dreamed that was a man with 200 heads, and
only one eye to sleep for all of them; that l
hadn't been asleep in hundred years, and had
just crawled into steamboat boiler to catch a
little nap, when Schuyler Colfax wearing wait
ers white jacket with napkin on his arm, sat
down at the manhole and read me Bentons
Thirty Years in the United States Senate clear
through, while two men hammered cold rivets in
the boiler to keep me awake
Somehow my meetings with great men are
always attended with certain features of pomp
and circumstance with which a man of my re
firing habits would willingly dispense. | am
not grown proud and naughty. | would even
to-day unbend to shake hands with the Presi-
dent, but l would hardly drive twelve miles in
the mud and rain now, even to sit up all night
with the Press Club