davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
NO MYSTERY IN HIM.

A stubbed farmer, who had Come to
market with load of potatoes, entered
a restaurant near Central Market and
called for dozen oysters ON the hall
shell. A couple Of jokers happened to
be in the place, and, while one attracted
the farmers attention for moment the
other dropped a bullet into the oyster
shells. The man gulped down one after
another, until he got the one with the
bullet in his mouth. Calmly and quiet
ly he removed it from his mouth and
turned to the light.
"By George! but it's bullet" cried
one of the men.
"Probably shot into the oyster to kill
him." added the other.
"Well, that is mystery" said the
man behind the counter.
"Gentlemen, that's no mystery t.
me-" replied the farmer, as he deposited
the ball in his vest pocket. "At the
battle Of Fair Oaks, over twenty years
ago, l was hit in the leg by that very
bullet. It's been long time working
up, but she's here at last, and I'll have
it hung to my watch chain if it costs So"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
took THE BRIDE.

A man who took care to tell the clerk
that he was from New Hampshire and
on his way to visit his sister in Wiscon-
sin, whom he had not seen for twenty
two years, registered Mt Detroit hotel
the other night. When shown to his
room by one OF the bcll-boys he sudden
~ asked:
ooh. ray, have you any fire-escapes
in this building?"
Deed We has, sall >"
"Show me the one am to use in case
Of fire."
The boy took him down the hall to
where an iron ladder ran 10 the ground
but after surveying it the man remarked
"Hlercy on me! but wouldn't dare
climb down that ladder in broad day
light"
"Dey's all alike, sah."
"Well, they wouldn't do me any
good. Say, I'll make bargain with
you"
"Yes, sah."
al don't want to he roasted, and
can't use that ladder. II you'll come up
and give me ten or fifteen minutes
warning before the fire breaks out I'll
give you fifty cents, and here it is.'
ON do it, sah."
ats a mean trick on the rest OF
them, l know" continued the man,
"but maybe they are used to ladders
and don't ask any favors. When you
come to rouse Inc just knock three times
and quietly say: mir. Slabs, this tavern
il ON fire. I'll tumble to it without any
fuss, and after get out I'll yell fire and
do my best to save the rest. Good
night, bub, and remember that / paid
cash down"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
PUMPKIN PIE.

These are the days of that glorious
American institution, pumpkin pie. The
hotel or restaurant pumpkin pie is not
the Simon pure article. 1t has had too
many foreign airs added to it. 1t may
be good, and it may pass for what it is
intended, but it can't hold a candle to
the pumpkin pie our mothers made.
Just look ut the difference in the two
brands. Mothers had nice short
crust with an edge about an inch deep
and in this was plump measure of
pumpkin pulp" mixed with nice fresh
eggs, milk and just enough spice to give
it flavor. 1t was u picture oi bloom
ing, healthy pie. 1t makes a man Is
mouth water to think of it. The store
kind OF pumpkin pie has sort OF sick
ly second-cousin countenance and is
scarcely over an eighth of an inch thick
with crust on the bottom that almost
breaks Il timers shears to cut it. As
for taste, that has to be imagined, as it
Is Il sort OF gO-as-you-please flavor be-
tween tanbark and cinnamon. Then
again, 100 store pies will be made out
of an ordinary twenty-cent pumpkin.
Each pie is cut into eight pieces about
the size of two fingers, which sells for
five cents each. This brings forty cents
for pie, or $40 for the product of a
pumpkin. That leaves the store-keeper
500 profit on the transaction. \ slice
of mothers pumpkin pie the size Of
your two hands that's the regulation cut
in home made pie, and an inch and a
half thick contains more real pie than a
dozen store pies, and there is no danger
of trouble from indigestion after eating
it. There should be some action taken
by the Legislature to prevent the degen-
GRAFTON OF this great American institu-
tion-the pumpkin pie. Ii this is not
done, future generations will read in
history of dish now SO highly priced
by patriotic citizens and grieve to think
that the building Of the pumpkin pie Of
their forefathers is lost art.-[Peck' :
Sun.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
sCIss0RAIsNs.

Bill-collecting is easier said than
"dun."
The brief setting hen is SO eggs sent
trick nv TO have passion for lay-conics.
"iour little boy appears to be par
ticularly lively, madam" "Oh, yes, !"
responded the lady, sweetly. che
thinks he is in church."
A New York exchange has an article
headed, GLOW to make a fiat pretty"
Our advice would be to begin by max
ing a corpse Of him.
Twenty-Five preachers were present
at the hanging of man in Illinois, the
other day. The wretch expressed him.
self a. perfectly willing to go.
Flows business?" asked spiritual
lit Of the car conductor. "Quite fair, ;"
replied the bell puncher. "And how
il it with your" "Medium, as usual. !"
II makes the landlady mad to hear
one bOar,ier remark to another while
rising from the dinner table. "Now
Jim, let's go to restaurant and get
something to eat.
Was there ever man SO utterly vile
and degraded whom some woman could
not he found to pity and forgive? p
Utica Observer. We guess not, but
what on earth have You been doing?"
Anthony Trollope said that an ill.fit-
ting shirt-collar would keep him from
thinking. This shows Mr.. Trollope's
eccentricity. An ill-fitting shirt-collar
will make the average man think with
great rapidity.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
HOW TO LOOK STUNNING.


thnglne drapcriee remain in favor
with society girls.
Plain costumes Tor the street are the
fashion this season.
M kinds oi lace>, even the old stvle
llama. are fashionable.
lIchu>, plastrons, and large collars OF
lace, are Immensely fashionable.
Lace bonncts are the correct wear for
tho opera, when any bonnet is worn.
,ut steel, Jet. silver. gilt, and jeweled
hurklcs ad"rn many dres>y bonnet> and
hat
There j. an effort to revive the Old
IIunit"n laccs. with their light, open.
icatirrk designs.
Chenille iringrs are very handsome
when used discrcetlv-that is to say
sparincly-on wraps and costumes.
All sorts oil fanciiul figured pieces
metals ornament both hats and bonncts.
Titan red. lovely shade verging on
auburn. bids fair to he the most fashion
able bright color ri the incoming season.
Real scalskins, dyed almost black, are
brought out ior ladies in mourning, and
inr these who prefer an entirely black
costume.
Wool. silk. and velvet are all COM
hincd in one costume, and yet this is so
effectively accomplished that the result
il perfect in its way.
For dinner dresses gray satin will be
much used, trimmed with IN embroidery
al gray pearls done on net, and used as
smooth lahlicr breadtl,s.
For elderly and middle aged ladies
nothing can he more beautiful than the
reception and dinner dresses of gray
satin embroidered with smoked pearls.
Soft silk and surah evening dresses
for Young ladies' are trimmed witt
M"rcslue lace, the Nalenciennes laces
being used on the heavier silks anC
light velvets.
The latest imrortations OF dinner ant
evening dresses have trains OF gres
width arranged in slightly houffan
mass on the tournure, and falling theme,
in straight lines to the end.
English bonncts of this season ar,
large, many of them being copies il
chenille of the summer hornets o
straw. English hats are also quit,
large, and many OF them have the &c
centric brims Of last season.
For handsome evening dresses an,
for trousseaux there are sets Of duchess
lace containing founce six inche
wide, narrower lace for garniture, and
lace handkerchief with corresponding
designs.
Some Of the imported wool costume
are embroidered in a chain stitches
vine pattern Of filOselle or undivide'
wool, and the flowers or grapes of thi
vine are formed by lunches OF tiny sill
or wool pompons and tassels, which ar
fastened on in the desired form, max
ing an exceedingly pretty and eifectiv
decoration.
Collarettes pointed in front are tn
design in which real laces are now fash
Toned; some of these are quiet small
reaching only to the top Of the darts
while second size extends to the wais
line, and still others fall below the wais
and form slender vest, which is sui
ficent trimming for handsome cOrsage
of velvet, satin or silk.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
HR. WAGER AND TUE NAP NAN.

A ring Of the door bell by map ped.
dler is what brought Herr Hans Wager
to his front door, where the following
conversation took place:
Good morning, sir. I've got very
nice map of Kentucky here I'd like you
to look att
"Vell, look at him.
81 had better go iE the house and
show it to you"
al thinks you outside peter schtay
you got more room dere."
"Well, now you see on this side is a
map of Kentucky, while on this side
turning it around to him is map OF
the United States"
"Och, don'd puy me no sich map
like dose"
"Why? What's your objection to it ?"
"Vhy it don'd vas correct"
"And why isn't it correct?"
"Don'd you got no some sense? Don d
you know dot Gentucky vas in de United
Schtates und not on der odder side fon
it? You'm hellum map beddlar. "
"Oh, sir; but you have wrong idea
OF the map. 1t contains the United
States on this side, you see, with Ken
lucky in them"
"Vell den; how Gentucky him got on
de odder side? Got more secesh pisi-
ness. No-sir-e, Pop. don'd dose
map vart. got me genough fon secesh
When him vas penfore yit. peen on
dot run pattle fon Bull Run; und al
dough can'd dot do now; mein pelly
vas too pig. No-sir-e; l don'd want no
sich map like dose, where vone schtate
him der Union schump oud."
AS Herr Hans closed the door and
back into the house, the map man didn't
press sale any further.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
NOVEL USE OF GREENBACKS.

"What becomes OF all the grcenbacks
and bank notes after they have served
their few years OF usefulness" is a
frequent query. A bank-note has its
life Just the same as all other things
useful. What an interesting story the
travels of greenback from the moment
it leaves the press until it returns to the
macerating machine would make? The
average life OF bank-note is about
three years, perhaps little longer.
After serving its purpose as currency it
is metamorphosed into rabbits, birds
and other figures. The process of the
destruction of the notes is an interesting
one.
The readers will often see in the daily
papers paragraph something like this :
| "National bank notes received for re-
demption to-day, 100000 The next
day those notes are carried to the Bureau
of Engraving and Printing and placed in
a machine containing immense knives,
which chop the notes into fragments.
This operation is conducted under the
supervision of three officers of the
Treasury Department, especially detailed
for the business. No one is allowed to
he present at this daily maceration OF
the notes extert the officials and the
men who run the machine. They are
compelled to remain in the room until
each separate note is destroyed. They
must account in detail afterwards to the
Redemption Bureau for each note; and
should one become lost or mislaid, and
afterwards find its way into circulation,
the result would be the immediate dis
charge OF the three gentlemen who
daily have in their custody from $780,
600 to 81 900 900 or IS 600 900 Of notes
and bonds The shrcds are reduced to
pulp, and then by Il patented process
this mass is nodded into figures of birds
and animals and sold as mOmentoes to
visitors. Oitentimes it will happen that
one little object will be composed OF
what once was 800, 200, 900 worth OF
money.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
THEY DIDN'T ATTEND.
\ Reception ut which Mr.. and Mrs.
ropnrman Were Absent.

"Oh, how | wish could 90 to the
wedding tonight" said Mrs. Pepper
man to her husband.
what wedding
"Whv, the big one at the Tabernacle.
1t will be Il grand affair
"Well, why don't Won co.
1--WE no ticket No one will be ad-
mitted without 4 ticket. saw one of
the tickets to-day. 1t was white, about
two inches long. Oh! know what
I'll do; have Il white ticket down
stairs just about that size. I'll try to
gel in with that. don't believe the
tickets are examined closely. I'll run
the risk, anyhow. Come, get your hat,
and 90 with me-
ME" said poppeInan, II don't
want to go to Il wedding on Il bogus
ticket"
.Comc, don't he silly" Mrs. Pop
perman finally prevailed upon her hus-
band to accompany her to the wedding
The crowd in front OF the church was
immense At : o'clock the doors were
opened and the rush commenced. Al
ter ten minutes OF pushing and elbow
ing Mr.. and Mrs Popperman reached
the usher at the door and presented
their ticket. The interior OF the church
was brilliantly decorated, the air was
heavy with The delicious fragrance OF
rare and beautiful flowers, and the me
lodious strains of the sweet wedding
march came floating out on the evening
air as the usher held the ticket up to
the light and read
Good for One Quart of Mix"
ono good" said he, and the disap-
pointed couple turned sadly away. As
they left the portals of the church they
encountered two lady friends.
"Couldn't you get i'm" asked Mrs
Popperman.
"No, they said our ticket was ne
good. The mean things
"Didn't you have the ticket which
read Present this at the church,"
/ "No." Here's the ticker | showed
the usher
/ "Vote for John Reilly"
IN. Y. Journal.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11

From A PRovD FAMIIY.-"Look a
heah, sah,' Indignantly exclaimed a
colored gentleman, "does yer mean to
call me a thei?''
"Dat's what means"
AN why, sab? 'Splain yerse'f, ur
take de rough consequence.
- Case seed Yer when yer stole a
coat.
"Wall, dat's all right, but cf yer
hadn't er seed me I'd er whipped yer,
sho'. Better be pertic'ler how yer fools
wild me, man, ease | comes from a
proud family. - From the Arkansas
Traveller.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
MANUFACTURED BY rn
B0ThIM MANUFACTURING COMPANY
II AND 10 MAIN ST., SAN FRANCISCO
f1 FOR SALE BY ALL DEALERSE
NOBODY CAN DENY.

Consumers can depend UPON THE NEW
ENGLAND BAKING POWDER a. beins
exactly ~ represented. It is Cream Of Tarte:
and Bi-Carbonite of Soda Of perfect purity
scientifically combined; NOTHING ELSE.
Tho price Of the NEW ENGLAND BAK.
ING POWDER justi6es the use of the very
best materials. Consumers pay fair price foi
the best and get it.
It is self evident that Baking Powders rep
resented to be composed Of the same material.
as the NEW ENGLAND, and which are sold
to dealers at less than the pure materials them.
selves are worth, cannot be pure.
The large demand for NEW ENGLAND
BAKING POWDER, and consequent falling
of in the sales of adulterated and inferior DOW.
ders, has developed . sIitefulness ON the parl
OF some manufacturers and deale1. Findina
that the quality Of the NEW ENGLAND
cannot be successfully attacked. new brand,
and close limitations, represented to be a. good,
are put OH the market. With these they en-.
deavor to tempt dealers with low prices, and
thus impose on c0nsumers. -
Sec that the name NEWTON BROS. I co.
IL ON every can
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
A PHILADELPHIA FISH STORY.

William Br;nckerhof is the owner OF
an aquarium. Al one time il was
well strrkcd with goldfish, whrn.
through the neglect oi 4 careless servant,
became reduced this summer 10 single
survivor. This one has been the ohi ,pt
OF the most jealous care on IL" pant OF
Mr. Brinckerhoif. who objected str"nu-
ouSly To- the introduction into his house
hold in July last ni Il large Maltese cat =,
the pet of his youngest daughter, Bea-
trce. The child. however. ovrrruled her
fathers objections and secured Il berth
for her pet, promising 10 guard the %oid-
fish from its attentions. That She had
not kept this engagement WIS Yesterday
proved to her father as he entered the
| little pailor ri his residence and found
/ the Eat, its sole occupant save the gold
| fish in the globe. for which grimalkin
was evidently preparing To make Il fish
ing excursion. For this purpose, appar-
emily, il leaped upon Il chair at the side
OF the glass The fish showed signs OF
consciousness OF the cats approach, but
no fear. On the contrary, il rubbed its
nose against the glass and splasl!cd its
tail in the water. as if to attract the cat :
attention. The goldfish came to the sur
| face blowing in a manner which Mr..
| Brinckerhoii characteriZes AZ impatient.
| Il on this the cat, raising itself on the
edge of the bowl, reached over Il paw
The goldfish swan gently directly under
it, when the cat softly stroked its back
purring meanwhile with great content
ment. The fish, however, seemed still
unsatistied, and, darling away from its
strange companion, SWAN rapidly about
the bowl and then sought the bottom
The cat remained IN its position as i
puzzled. Shortly afterward the fish came
to the surface again and snapped at fl,
which was crossing the water, and reStet
after having done SO on the edge OF the
bowl. The cat, seeming to appreciat,
the situation, with single swift move
men, caught the fly and dropped it into
the mouth cf its tinny friend The latter
then submitted contentcdly to the back
scratching endearment which it hat
before resented. Mr.. Biinrkerhotf as
certained from his little girl that thu
companionship had existed for som'
weeks, but she had feared to tell it, n
her negligence had allowed its formation
i Philadelphia Times.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
A REMARKABLE TREE.

Ore of the natural curiosities of Her.
nando, Co., Fla, Is an immense live oak
situated near Brookville, which, seven
feet from the ground measures thirty
five and one-half feet in circumference
from this height to the top it has but two
large limbs, the limbs spreading out, and
at the top measure eighty yards across
On one side OF this singular work OF
nature is small orifice from which is
sues continual stream Of cold air,
showing some subterranean connection
that is unaffected by what is going on
above the surface of the ground.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
POPULATION OF THE GERMAN EMPIRE

During the quinquiennial period 1875
1880, notwithstanding commercial de-
preston, the census of the German
Empire showed an average increase in
population Of about half million souls.
Since 1880, however, according to sta.
tistics lately published, contrary move
ment has set in. The falling, however,
is somewhat unequally divided, and in
Prussia there is still slight increase,
amounting to between 5000 and 5000
persons in the Rhenish provinces, West
phalia, Saxony, and Branderburgh. On
the other hand, the province of Posen is
stated to have lost $3.50, Eastern
Prussia, 81 ,6l4, and Pomerania, 22 ,422.
The diminution in Bavaria has been
more conside: able. Out of population
of 5,2S4,7SS inhabitants, which Bavaria
possessed at the end of 1880, there is
now loss of %, 1856, while Wurtemburg
has lost 4,O52 out of 1,9l1,l1S.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11
DRINKING BETWEEN MEALS.


Tie London LInrr thinks the Young
IVAN alvuui town "a that 81, takes H."
man, 'mp- AMI .-titu- icluir and
after luu,hr'n ll h- own -" 81, and -
under traits upon th' vitality "i hi~
stomach ~ al h"ur- i the day II
null- that il,. nee ~ Nr~" stliuuant~.
apart from . Nh"l"~'.uc mn'h. l. fatal
&C. health iud longevity. and j. on every
account e. be- discouraged. ltrNcn go'~
., iat - a. .urgrsi the need II a ~"'i"tV.
the m.ulst- II which viii plr,'gr them
..iN,- e. 1tiuk nu alcuh"l bat ~ mcal-
Tie InHci would pf"-,rilc the Use al
al,"hul 1T meal. alec Il q, supposed such
~uggv.ii.n would have any weight
With the hrsNV eaters AMI drinkers
among ,i,r mrIll, and upper 'la.~r~ 81
English -'a.iriy
~, gruirrl and lishl"nallc. hui pain
ml li-"a-o Jailed guui b. ptr,alrn, there
,hirn, ir,n 81 the generous port and
uilrf hcns, drink composing thcir din
nrt table lhaiiuus AMI their cNccs~"~
- this rc-r"t are probably quite ~
general now ~ whrn pcsrns and
rhark.ny dep,c,cd the social habits "f
unlun third Of a century age Hut
although ,hc suggestion falls very FAR
short Of the rali'nl remedies oi modern
Irul,ilii,nnist-. Il IL IN ei'urt ia the right
direction. Mad II certainly ought tn have
some effect IN restraining "prc'iiioncrS
~ the bar aud visitors AT the sidchnard
l-,ween meals, IT, hr told hy such an
rmincn, authority rs the Lancet that
the practice inevitably invites disease
and -hortenr life.
Ialpuchrrr, another London writer
relates his experience IN testing the ca
,acity III his stomach, with much huinor
aud pith IL know men will never I'M
'l"rrtand tina, two glar-es III wine help
their digestion. while six disturb IL ; that
a heavy lunch DESTROYS afternoon brain.
work. ~ heavy dinner sleep, that cot.
Tee IL better Ia sit up with than brandy
that milk AMI tea are better Ia wald and
play cricket on than beer, or that the
various and elegant pranks 81 iivcand
twenty simply mean exhaustion. disease
AMI death NJ fve-and fifty or sixty. IL
word. believe the question Of health
generally - not What can safely b,
done but Who eau safely do it,
remember. In wears gone by. irving
again and again Ia go through my supper
parties In drcen, form; IL always ende
In the same way.
AFTER the Hrs, glass or two got n,
real pleasure. and always had head
ache merit morning; and there wal
Mctsorman. who would 70 off at twelv,
O'Clock after drinking hard all the eve
ming, tie q wet towel around his head
work I'LL two o'clock. and turn up sinil
Ing si eight O'clock next morning. o
cour~e hr was Scotchman; they ar
all like that. hut you arc different, an,
yet you are always trying those little OK
pesirnenis. Others are smoking. NO yo,
smoke. aud bscome unfit for converse
ton. Other III up late at night, o.
hattie In all weatherr with IMMUNITY. I
iocs not much matter what IL IL, YOU
constitution rcheIr. and you will go on
Tor years. perhaps, tempting head
stomach and Providence. until, ofcourse
al last you get hit"
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11

The ambassador was. II appears, a pro-
found believer In the divine right Of
kings. and he consequently held every
member or our royal family in the high
s~t reverence. No, when the duke Of
Cambridge was about 10 be n guest Mt
the embassy. Lord stratford turned out
IN desl,alille early In the morning to see
that everything was properly arranged
in the apartments sct aside for his royal
highne~s. The dukes valet was arrang-
Ing HE masters trunks. which had come
IN ahead. when the ambassador entered,
and the man took II In high dudgcon
that IN unknown pcrson, clad In Dress
insrown and clippers. should presume
IN Interfere with him In his duties. When
this had gone on Tor some time, the
valet fairly Lost his temper. and blurted
nut q rough speech. ending with $50
you Just shut up--snd he OF, will you,
old TELLER"
Away went the great man in u tower.
ing passion and instructed one Of the
attaches 10 Immediately inform the valet
~ Ia the rank and consequence Of the
''old teller" When the attache came
back he informed Lord Stratford that he
had duly told the dukes servant "that
tbs per~on Ia whom he had ventured to
urc such language was her majesty's re-
preventative In Turkey" "Quite right,
and what Was his answer" said Lord
s,rstford. "lie answered, my lord !"
vvavely replied the attache, "that he
had never said you warn't" A hearty
hurst III laughter from the cold Teller
rhowed that his anger WAS annihilated
hy his sensc III humor.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1884-01-11

"tiive me your money or | shall be
forced to do a thing that l have never
yet been able to do in my life
NJ du Dac took out his pocket book
gave it to the robber, and said to him:
"Now that you have stripped me
may ask what you would have done?'
The bandit looked at his victim
coolly and replied:
81 should have worked"