The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1884-07-09
wT AND HUnIOR.

WIT AND HIDIORs
..Misther. misther, what hare ye
done7'' called nztiFe q Wicklow TO
an Englishnan who had Just tied his
horse to telegraph pole. well, Pat.
what's the natter? ..Jist this. yer
honor. Ye'Ye kitchesl your horse 10
the magnetic telegraph, and yell be in
Dublin II two minutes i rot don = loek
out.
Years ago when II. Bodiseo Egas kes-
sian Minister At Washington he was
eating breakfast in Q hotel a fey morn
inxs after bis arriyal when quarrel
arose in the room and man was shot
Rising from his seat IN great alarm
and tearing his napkin into shreds, he
exclaimed: ssVot d countrie md vat
peoples! Ef zay Kill man for break
fast, vat zay do at dinnaireT '-Hofet
Mall
Nov said the Boston school
teacher, s.the question I an about to-
put TO ron Is an extremely difficult one,
and to answer it correctly you will be
Obliged, metaphorically speaking, to
initiate the trunk conformation OF the
dromedary of the desert A Western
school teacher would hare put the
question and said, simply: Now
hump yourselves. "-Somerrilie Jour-
nal
What we shall hear at the watering
place this Summer: Mrs. allow
absurdly that Mrs. B. dressesi And
what airs she puts on She says her
her husband used to be a bank ex-
aminer. but retired some years ago.
Mr.. A bank examiner, eh?. So
he was. An examiner of the river
bank. He was clam-digger,. or some
thing of that sort. l believe, at one
time. ''-BostCn Transcript
A wise tenant. Jones-4'You don't
mean to say you have made all these
improvements YOURSELF? thought you
were only tenant" smith Il am. :"
Jones-''WeH, if were in your place
/ would send for the landlord and let
him see the expense You have put on
it Smith-%The landlord Mcrcyi
Don't let him know have improved
his property Jones. .And why moi? p
Smith-s'He would raise the rent. -
Philadelphia Cal.
$50 your husband is drummerpr
remarked Mrs. Smith. you'll excuse
me for saying it, but they do say that
drummers are awful flirts. Is it really
sop Il don't know anything about
the others replied Mrs Green; 'sbui
1 know that John isn't Why. he
doesn't take any notice of the women
at all! Leastways, he doesn't take any
notice of me when he is at home, and
he'd be more likely to take. notice Of
me than other women. Boston Tran
SCRIPT.
We have struck a now scheme. On
the green shade we wear over our eyes
when reading proof or grinding ont
copy we have printed, Il am busy
When n man that we don't care to talk |
to comes in we stoop still lower over
tho desk so that he can see it and take |
the hint, but when the other kind of [
man, good joVial fellow, comes in,
we push the shade up over our bald |
spot where he can't read the legend. |
smile .benignantiy at him and open The,
conversation by asking him for a cigar. |
Lou srilie Argus
A few weeks ago . gentleman entered |
the office of weH-known insurance |
agent, and. tossing a paper on the |
counter, said to the clerk: That's I
run out. and want TO get it rene we'd. g
The clerk unfoldcd tho document and /
with a iie.inquired:s Arc foi sure /
that has run out? ''Oh, yes, said I
the gentleman, "my wife told me it |
run out Yesterday Well / am
sorry for you; but we are nottaking that I
kind of risks now" responded the I
clerk, as he handed it back to him. 1t
was his marriage certificate.
Some of our contemporaries are
mourning because slugging-match or
q dog-fight attracts more attention and
liberal financial patronage in this
country than Italian opera. Well, We
don't know that there is any occasion
for sorrow over the matter. We have
only heard Italian opera once or twice
this winter, and if al the rest of it is
like the sample we heard; we rather
admire the intelligence and good taste
which leads the American people to
prefer the rat-pit
a minister living in jackson county,
No., sent his hired man to bring his in
tended bride TO his home for the
marriage ceremony She fell in love
with the hired man on the way. and
they went to a hotel and were married.
u is strongly suspected that the hired
man told the woman that she might
expect a donation party from The
members of the congregation as soon
rs she became the wife of the minister.
OF course she was justified in rcsortiug
to any method to escape such an i'm
pending devastation. = Norrfstol0l Her.
nd
by JoYe,p said lynx-eyed proof
reader on Boston paper Somebody
go down and kick slug nine into the
street. Here's three times I've marked
beans on him in that poem of Julia
Ward Howe's. and every time he spells
It 'pRans.
My soul sings rfcans 10 the gods Of Spring.
There's lois of sense in that, isn't
there? Where'd he ever learn TO
spell beans that ways'A And his face
was liyid with wrath as once more he |
saved tho poem from destruction. = ]
Bttrdetlc. ~
you look like poet laughed the
funny editor. rs the handsomely -dress-
ed youngster entered. The boy smiled,
and began fumbling in his pocket.
Maybe yon write songs, too,l' sug- /;
Zested the newspaper man. Yes,
was the answer. Have
Tou got one for me?n Yes, l think / {
nave. rs it sung BY long or short
neter?" By this time the yonng man 5
had fished out \ document. which S
be threw down. yelling excitedly: '
Neither. my friend; it IS sung By the l
yas-meter. 1t was q gas bill for $40. 8
Inc papers are fntl OF items in regard /
o ex-Major Reed. Of Racine. who was
arrested for tapping q till at saloon :
n Minneapolis, securing dollar and !
! half. 1t is probable that the Major :
lid not intend to steal He simply
cit like tapping something. and he n
NEW If he would tap key of beer or 1
! barrel Of whisky. the temperance y
lSople wonld not like it, and would !,
lace wrong construction on bis act, a
o he Compromised he matter BY tap !.
ing the till. When man feels 81 :
esire coming on him to tap something, :
nd he taps that which will do the +
east damsge. he should be aompIi- | !,
aented and not arrested. -Psck's Sun. :
A good story is told Of the Bishop OF .
Itlanta, Ga. He recently addressed 4 li
lrge assembly of Sunday-scaool CHI i
rem, and wound up By asking il q &
cry patefnal aud condescenifng NaF
And now, Is there a-a-n-Y litfle Dor
( a-a-n-y little girl who would like to
sk me question: After pause he
speated The question. rs there a-a-n-Y t.
tile boy or a-a-T-y little girl who II
ould ike to ask me question: Al 81
tile shril voice called out. stPloase 3
Z. why did the angels walk up and q
1wn Jacobs ladder when they had q
ings7n .'Oh, All, yesI see. z said =
10 bishop; snow IS there a-a-n-y little q
RI who wonld like to answer little Isl
ary,s question Reta50A Slsladdy b
cralL q
Il
Mamma said asnall boy. ssdo n
u believe everything that papa saws q a