The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1877-1885, 1884-02-20
A Good Word for Widows, but no
Ply on Wldowers.

Ply on Widowers.
} A mischievous Sweet Sixteenn sends
US the following, clipped from the Sun
ny South;
sALENY sIDESOTToM TO BETSY HAM.
ILTON.
BLUE JEENs DEEsTRICT,
NORTH GEoRGY.
DEAR BETSY: You have writ me a
CRATE many an affecshunate letters from
Hillabee sioce We left thar, and putty
nigh ever day lowed to write you sum-
pen in return. But sence We hev mov-
ed up here into the Mountings of North
Georgy have been that pestered all
the time in gittin things strait 1 never
could compose myself a minnit tor
writin, and ever sence. l hearn of the
death of George Washington / hev been
in power er misery bout you. hearn
it with sadness and sorrer of that ca
lamity what has cum over you, an l
feel it my bouden duty to send you a
word er cOnsolement. I know how
lonesome like and creepy you feel when
hit Gums dark, an how moanful every
sound. My hart sighs and signs for
you in your extrimities, for you may
never git another George Washington; ;
he was alters so good to fetch in fire.
wood, and never lowed you to git up cold
mornins to make the fire. You pore,
lone, lorn critter, may you be able to
bear it. ''You is widder now; you
belongs to a interestin class; widders
irv 20 81
bin CRATE deal said and writ about EN-.
Why, bless your soul, all the finiky
young gals in the settlement have cum
so jealous bout the widders and is
continnerly raisen sich a everlastin
fuss bout em that sum good soul has
writ and said in the newspapers as how
it was his opinion and he was not
afeerd to say it nuther, that widders
was jist as good as anybody else. Now
l knows full well who he was alloodin
to, but needn't tell you now in your
sad extrimities, but they do say these
Mounting settlements that he is the
hansumest man in the whole deestrict
and has got plenty to live off'n' But
1 will tell you more bout him altar
awhile an you needn't say nuthin bout
it to emmy Of my old friends in Hillabee
cause they mought git some wrong
idees in ther heads. But hit alters
makes me fightin mad when l hearn
people runnln down widder wimmen
and Jim Mohorn gifts mad too Why
they even say that old Sam Wellers
told his fool son Samivil to bewar of
widders, but shucks and vinegar, what
nonsense! 1 jist KNOWS plum well
that old man Wellers has been Tilted
many er time by good sensed widders
who he tried to fool. Inginnerly and
putty nigh all the time that will account
for the milk in the coconuts. An like.
wise you have hearn of sour grapes
Wy, one day sister Prudence says to me
says she, : Saleny Sidebottom, eff, you
don't let them gals bo's alone, they'll
be putin of spider in your dumplins. d
The idee as eff wanted any of 'em.
Now, Betsy, you jist let me whisper 9
word er advice into your years: While
your weeds is green you bewar of the
widderers, for they air powerful onsartin
They air turrible sweet tell you taken one
in for PHYS sake and then you'll allers
wish you hadn't. But be good to the
old bachelors, cause they air kinder offist
and skeery-like an never Gums arter 6
pore onspicious female with so much biz
assumacy. [ alters did like em best any
how, cause they seems so pitiful and
beseechin-like. They alters carries 9
cum an patch-ny-briches look in thel
faces, an it alters teches my heart in 8
tender spot. Jake is old bachelor, bu
he peers to war good clothes inginnerly
and has a plum new out an out soOte el
blue jeems, what sets him up orful han
sum, but Jinsy Ann Shoemaker al
Johanna Simpson vows they don't Fl
him good as they did fernent I come int
this ger settlement.
The last compensation ever / read at :
exerbition was on de side of the old bache
lors, and l tell you, bein its ben lont
time, my teacher writ it fur me, an
taken an coppyd it on gold aiged pape
an tied it with blue ribbins it wer
grand hit, tell you. The old bachelor
sont me more candy-striped an in lump
all dun up in blue papers with lovil
verses rolled up in em. Me and Pru
thought of havin a party to git rid o
sum of it, but we managed without tn,
party. It's amazin what a power e
candy school gals can take in.
NOW, ueaT DetSey, 90 Dear up an OOn
have the hippo's; be cheerful minded
it keeps the countenance young. Tn
time may cum when you'll thank me TO
, telling you of this advise. The dear lit
tie twins, too. will be a power er comfor
to you al ther grammar an granpap
!, Your fust cousin.
SALENY SIDEBoTTOM.
Glad to see that somebody has cum
patch ion on old Bachelors.