Connecticut western news., 1884-08-13
WIT AND WISDOM.

NATURE combs the rooater's head, but woman has to come her own.
 FAVORABLE weather for hay making when it rains pitchforks -Lgfe.
 BE regular in all your habits, ospc- cially that of drawing your salary.
 Ir makes a milkmans wife blush to ask her if her silk dress is watered.
 A TEXAS steer can scatter streot band, but he cannot blow his horns.
 NEVER judge a man by tho umbrella he is carrying; it may not be his own.
 ONE doesn't notice that car window is anything like m oyster until he tries to open it
 A BOSTON woman advertisos for kind person, who will be company for hor dog while she is in Europe.
 PULLMAN cars nre great comfort to travellers in Mexico. Tho wise bandits never bother the passengers. They go for the porters.
 AN exchange wants to know what the title, "A Perilous Secret" refers to. Any secret a man tries to keep from his wife is perilous.
 WHEN the marriage ceremony was over, the parson was approached by the groom with the question, "what's the damage, Eldor2"
 Coop advice is like policeman, in that it is often to be met with when un- sought, but when really wanted, seldom, if ever, to be found.
 "MY ma buys eggs in the city, but here the chickens give them to the lady, " said little city visitor sent by n fresh-air fund to the country.
 "I KIN stand abuse an ridicule, but not sawcasm," remarked tramp who asked St. Paul woman for meal and was referred to the woodpile.
 A NEW YoRK woman has sued at diff ferent times three young men for breach of promise of marriage. She deter mined to let no iilty man escape.
 "A WESTERN man tolls of dog gwhich drove flock of geese every day to wa ter" But that is nothing. We know of dog which drove n tramp to water.
 A WOMAN ought to be proud of having for her husband man of letters, but when she finds that the letters como from some other woman, terrible row generally follows.
 THE admirers of Mir. Oscar Wilde who were unable to grasp his meaning when he spoke of ''unlxissed kisses" will find clue in the Congressional Record with it's unspoken speeches. .--Ltc.
 ''No; THEY do not live very pleasant ly. In fact, they lead perfect tennis existence" "A tennis existencep I don't sec the connection" "Why, they are in the courts most of the time"
 "THERE now I" exclaimed Mrs. Pop inlay, as a tray of dishes went crashing to the floor, while tho waiter was trying to put Popiniay's quarter into his pocket. "That is what comes of tipping the waiter I"
 WE are willing to take a certain amount of stock in newspaper accounts of western cyclones, but when m ArlSan. saw paper tells us about zephyr carry ing bed-quilt sixty-one miles and then coming back for the sheet we aren't there.
 "IT seems to me-" said Vermont judge to his daughter, "that your young man calls a good many times a week. My court doesn't sit anywhere near aa often as yours does" "Oh, well, papa" was the blushing reply, CT am engaged to him, you know, and that entities us to a court of special sessions"
 A MAN took a saunter through street where July iceman had just dotted the sidewalk with "early deliveries" After viewing the deliveries" with great curiosity, the stranger stopped a citizen and said, "Had powerful storm here. I see." "Why, not that know of" replied the citizen. "Ye didntp' exclaimed the countryman. "Then where in thunder did them hailstones come from ?"