Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-02-04
\ little nonsense now and then,
Is relished by the best of men.

The balance of power-a big one in the
bank.
OF two women, choose the one that will
have you.
Naturally clocked stockings are the
most striking.
Truth is stranger den fiction an a nigh
ty heap scarcer.
The saddest words our young men say,
Are these: II swore off New Years day?'
It's all folly to say that men cannot
serve two masters. Schooners are two
masters.
To the ladies: Marriage is ever a mis-
terty; but anything is better than perpet-
ual miss-cry.
The man who was out in fog until he
incurred the rheumatism, says it is a
great mist-ache.
Bismarck, making war against the A
merican hog, will find the pen is mightier
than the sword.
An exchange tells how to take bruises
out Of furniture. We prefer to take it
out Of the fellow that does it.
A parrot is a great comfort to lone
woman. 1t soon learns to swear, whistle
and make a noise, just as good as a man.
Two boys quarreling-"My pa is a
preacher an will go to heaven" eyes,
an my pa is doctor an can kill your ole
pa"
A printer accepted a job Of car-coupling
at York, Penn, the other day. Two
hours afterwards his pied form was in the
company's hospital.
Mexican banana planters get three
crops a year, not counting the fall crop,
which comes when the peelings get scat
tered about the pavement.
Young swell to optician-'Is this the
smallest opera glass you have?" Opti-
cian-"Yes." Young swell-''Well then,
l guess I'll take an operetta glass;
A child can pick up a good deal of in
formation if it will keep its ears open
while its mother is conversing through a
knot-hole in the fence with the WON an
next door.
can irish baronet has just died leaving
an estate with an income of $50, 900 to q
daughter whose whereabouts is un
known" Her whereabouts won't be un
known very long.
''You just take bottle of my medi
cine,'' said quack doctor to a consump-
tive )" and you will never cough again
sumptive.
''You are one," said the minister to the
happy pair he had just tied togther wi tt
a knot that they could never und o
(which one?' asked the bride ''You
will have to settle that for yourselves,
said the clergyman
Neighbors are very considerate in Nor
nailed up on the door informing the com
munity of the fact. Those who wish tC
move out of the vicinity are thus enabled
to do so in good season.
little boy was asked if he studied
hard. ''Well," he replied, Il don't hur
myself at ALL" ''But if you don't study
hard you will never be president" sale
his questioner. "Naw," returned tn,
boy II don't expect to be. I'm a dem
mycrat."
Johnnie, did any one have the croul
in your house last night?" ''Dunno! wha
made you ak me?" 'Well, | saw ligh
in your house long after midnight" /" ooh
that's my sister, She has somethin:
down in the parlor every night, but
don't know whether it is the Group o
not"
One cold day last winter in the town @
Yonkers, an old farmer was observe
standing over coal grating in the side
walk, and was heard to mutter, "Thes
pesky things may be good enough t
warm church, but when it comes t
heating up whole town, they amt muc
account"
"My daughter said an uptown mott
er to her youngest, girl of IL. II wis
you would not make such faces ever
time anything or anybody displeases yor
it isn't nice or at all pretty. Mamma
earnestly pleaded the miss, "would yc
take away from me the only pleasure
have?"
A well-known Detroit lady, who is
thrifty provider, saw load of pork al
concluded to purchase couple of fl
porkers, for which she settled with f
dealer on the spot. She forgot, howeve
to give him her address, and an hour
ter, as she stood conversing with sol
of her aristocratic friends, the man
pork approached and ''nudged'' her my
; teriously with the butt of his whip. T
lady turned in amazement: "Shzs
shZay!' he asked in loud voice: ~
you de woman dot belongs to dem hogs