Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1884-01-03
ADvERT1sfNa RATns.
HUMOROUS.

Theophilus Wiggleton could crawl out
through a smaller hole than any other
man in town; / mean by that, that he
could shirk responsibility : and espe-
cially creep away from paying his
honest debts. In this latter respect
he was both slippery and brazen.
Here is a case directly to the point.
Homer Harvey was known as one
of the best-natured and most accom-
modating tailors. He had entered the
name of Theophilus Wiggleton in his
books believing him to be what he
would appear to be,-worth money;
and under that impression be had made
for him two suits Of clothes of the fin
est cloth after that he had furnished
him with third suit, for fear of los 2
ing what was already due should he
irritate the man by refusing him.
And now Harvey. wanted his money.
He wanted it very much. The bill a
mounted to little more than 800, and
the debtor had many times promised
that in a very few days the money
should be forthcoming.
One bright summers day the tailor
met this delinquent customer, and
caught him by the sleeve
"Wiggleton, my dear man, can you
let me have the amount of my bill a.
gainst you this morning ?p @
"O!-ho! hO! It's you, my dear
old fellowl How are you?" And he
gave him a handgrasp that was warm
and hearty "Say, Harvey, are you
pressed? Do you owe anybody that
ought to be paid at once ?" 50
From the look of Wiggleton's eye,
as he gave q sidelong glance from it,
the tailor believed, if he should own
to being in debt to others, that the fel-
low would retort that it was very an
principled of him to press him for mo-
ney. So he answered in the negative.
NO" he said, II don't owe and
don't mean to if can help it,
"Aha good, good!' cried Theo-
| phiIus gladly "If you are owing no
body, of course you cannot need mo-
ney At all events, you don't need it
one-half so much as / do for / am in
debt But don't worry, Harvey. 1t
shall come some timep
The tailor turned away in disgust,
and in partial despair.
The next time he asked the man for
money he wouldn't give him such
hole through which to crawl away.
The next time came. Harvey met
his man at the hotel bar h
''Ah, Wiggleton +! You are just the
man 1 have been wishing to see. Can
you make it convenient to pay that
little bill to-day ?"
"My dear Harvey, are you really in
need ?" g-aa.i
'T am; desperately sol"
"Mereyl You don't owe anybody
else money, do you!r
81 do; owe large sum ~
"Aha! Good, good!" grasping the
taiIor's hand "Now, my dear fellow,
YOU can sympathize with me. We're
both in the same box. But don't let
us fret Wen keep our shoulder to
the wheel-keep our courage up, my
boy, and Wen come out all right.
Never fear. Have drink p
Mark Lemon once said it is with
narrow-souled people as with narrow
necked bottles-the less they have in
them the more noise they make in get
ting it out.
|
A Western editor, in response to a
subscriber, who grumbles that his
morning paper was intolerably damp,
says chat is because there is so much
due on it."
Il am afraid, dear wife, that while
i am gone, absence will conquer love-"
"Oh, never fear, dear husband-the
longer you stay away the better shall
like you"
A Lowell man has wife of such a
changeable disposition that he says he
loves her some days enough to eet her
up, and the next day he wishes to
gracious he had Ha
A man asked for admission to
show for halfprice, as he had but one
eye. But the manager told him it
would take him twice as long to see
the show as it would anybody else,
and charged him double.