Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1884-01-05
IRISH WIT.

In repartee Irishmen have long been dis
tinguished. The Joy of retaliation is a
marked characteristic of the race. On one
occasion Judge Porter, popular Irish
magistrate, in pronouncing the sentence of
the Court, said to a notorious drunkard
ou will be confined in Jail for the
longest period the law will allow and |
sincerely hope you will devote some por-
tion of the time to cursing whisky" by
the powers will! was the answer and
Porter, too.
a steamboat passenger not finding his
handkerchief readily, somewhat suspici-
ously inquired of an Irishman who stood
beside him, if he had seen it, and insinu-
ated charge Of theft but aitsrward find
ing the said article in his hat, began to
apologize. "0h," said Pat, don't be
after saying another single word it was a
mere mistake, and on both sides, too. You
took me for thief, and l took you for a
| jintleman."
81 engaged" said a burly lawyer, "a
chaise at Galway to conduct me some few
miles into tn, country, and had proceeded
some distance, when it came to a sudden
standstill at the beginning of a rather steep
incline, and the coachman leaped to the
ground, came to the door and opened it.
"What are you at man? What are you
at, man This is not where l ordered you
to stop. Has the animal jibbed p " hist,
yer honor, whist " said Paddy in an ur-
dertone. I'm only desaving the sly
baste. I'll jist bang the door and the
crafty ould cratur will think he's intirely
| got rid of yer honor's splendid form, and
he'll be at the top of the hill in no time"
The following are few instances of those
amusing blunders, proverbially termed
"bulls."
On the edge of small river in the county
of Cavan, in ireland, there is-or used to
be-a stone with the following inscription
cut upon it, no doubt intended for the in
formation of strangers travelling that way
IN. B.-When this stone is out of sight
it is not safe to ford the river"
But the above is almost if not quite sur
passed by the famous post erected few
years since by the surveyors of the Kent
roads, in England This is the bridle-
path to Faversham. II you can't read this,
you had better keep to the main road. "
In debate which took place in the Irish
House of Commons in 1895, on the Leather
Tax, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Sir
John Plunkett, observed, with great en-
phasis THAT in the prosecution of the
present war every man ought to give his
| last guinea to protect the remainder" Mr..
Vsndaleur said However that might
4, be, the tax on leather would be severely
felt by the bare-footsd peasantry of Ire
land" To which Sir B. Roche replied that
"this could be easily remedied by making
the under feathers of wood"
The following is from the latter portion
of an extremely sffectiOnate poetic epistle,
! addressed to an Irish maiden:
I'm yours to command, both in weelin' and
| laughter;
I'm awake all the night, that of you I may
| dhrame
I'd hang meself now, if you'd marry me afther;
And though may change, I'll be ever the same.
A Dublin advertisement informs us that
/ an Irish doctor has taken house in Liffey
| street, where the deaf may hear of him st
| all hours but as his blind patients see him
every day from 10 till I, they must come
at some other time. And the following
bill was once presented by farrier to a
tradesman in the town "For entirely
curing your black pony that died, immedi.
ate payment is requested of one guinea"
An sHecdote is also related of a profes-
sor, whose pupils making too much noise,
felt called upon to remind them of the
fact, and said Gentlemen, if everyone
of you will do me the favor of remaining
perfectly silent for a few minutes, we shall
be better able to distinguish who the indi.
vidual is that is making the row :" which
is quite equal to medical report which
begun thus "There exist at the present
time great many influential families in
Dublin who have all died of the cholera"
Even in the making of will these lit
tie peculiarities present themselves Il
give and bequeath to my beloved wife
Bridget the whole of my property without
reserve; and to my eldest SOD, Patrick,
one-half of the remainder, and to Dennis,
my youngest son, the rest. If anything is
left it may go, together with the old cart
without wheels, to my sincere and affec-
tionate friend Terrence Mccarthy, in sweet
Ireland"
Another illustration is afforded by the
reply of young candidate for the office of
teacher. Archbishop WhatelY was en-
deavoring to elicit the candidates idea on
the market value of labor with reference to
demand and labor, but being baffled, the
prelate put a question IN this simple form
If there are in your village two shoe
makes with just sufficient employment to
enable them to live comfortably, or say
tolersbly, and no more, what would follow
if third shoemaker set up in the busi-
ness ?" "What would follow, sir?" said
the candidate. "Why, fight, to be sure,''
which was likely enough, hut it was not
the reply the reverend prelate looked for,