Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1878-1884, 1884-01-25
BILLY,s BEwlLDERING BREAK

BILLY,s BEWlLDERING BREAK
Billy Maze, the managing editor Of the Wash
burn Times, was in the city Monday. and while
holding sweet converse with the TRIBUNE staff
heard some mention made Of the roller rink.
Then he began to talk about how he used to
skate when he was tender and blooming kid in
the bright heydey of youth, and in eloquent
and sparkling sentences gave the force to un-
derstand that he could Just wallop the hosiery
off of any of his schoolmates that ever entered
the lists against him. He said that in long
distance contests he could show the artistic
patch on the bosom of his pants to any skata-
torial artist that ever buckled on the runners,
and his powers of endurance would size up ia
vorably with those of hired man. Then he
began to ask about the roller skates, and upon
being informed that they were much easier ham
died than ice skates he said that the habitues of
the rink would see bis sawed-off form gliding
about with Apollo-like grace that very night,
if he could succeed in negotiating the loan of =
quarter from some oonfding capitalist.
When night came Billy was there, and the
TRIBUNE reporter found him fastening pair of
rollers to bis robust feet. His face wore glad,
expectant smile that covered it like great
ulster of filtered sunshine. He told the re-
porter that the scene carried him away back
on memory's wings ia, into the dim and shadowy
past, when he was young and passably good
looking and pure and innocent, long before the
vengeful fates robbed him of his moral pro-
pensities and made an editor of him. As he
sat there one of the most expert skaters in the
room lost his feet and f1oated along the floor on
his spine for considerable distance, and Billy
smiled the soft Scandinavian smile his WASH
burn girl has taught him and said that if his feet
we're as insubordinate as that he'd put them
under martial law and curb their proud spirit,
and then he sprang to his feet, bade the reporter
a CHEEKY goodbye and sailed away with self
assurance enough to run livery stable After
he had gone quite . distance it occurred to him
that the skate on his off hoof was loose. and he
thought it prudent to pause and fix it. He en-
deavored to rear up on his heels to check him
in his mad career, just as he would on ice skates
and succeeded in pausing. He paused 90 quick
that he imagined the glowing lamps
were ten-tailed comets coming right
at him, and that every hair
of bis head was streak Of lightning out for :
summer holiday. The skaters who few by him
smiled sadly over his prostrate form, and this
nerved him totry 1t again and show them by
his future artistic work that even the best skat-
ers are a. times liable to sit down with witching
grace. He sprang to his feet and shot ahead
like greyhound and . moment later found
himself bearing down toward where the lady
spectators were sitting, and to his dismay found
that despite his utmost exertions he could turn
neither to the left nor the right. He bore right
down on the ladies and the next moment struck
their ranks with crash, rooted his nose all
around the ear of fat woman, careened over
and sat down in her lap. Then he screwed his
head around 80 he could see her face and told
her that he begged her pardon and that at first
glance she might think he was exhibiting toward
her undue familiarity on such brief acquaint-
ance, but that he felt very tired and not seeing
q vacant chair he had chosen the most eligibl9
seat that presented itself. He told us afterwards
in confidence that the lady might move in the
best circles of society and be regarded as very
queen of the bong tong, but it struck him that it
was gross and unwarranted breach of the
rules of etiquette for her to stick q pin in him
and cause him to start involuntarily with such
speed that he shot into the opening and fell half
way up the gallery stairs. He resolved to avoid
that. woman in future and no matter what
she might seek his forgiveness he would ever
meet her with the cold, proud dignity of a seo-
tion boss. He soon sailed away again, and for =
few moments got along nicely, This gave him
confidence and he resolved to give an exhibition
of the wonderful speed that could be acquired
the combination. He began to feel an irresist.
ible impulse to sit down, and in his desperation
began to claw the air wildly for some sort of
support to protect him from the wrath to come.
He succeeded in catching lady by the arm, and
when his feet started up toward the azure dome
of heaven one of them struck her shapely feet
and took them along with it, and they sat down
together with vigVr worthy OF better cause.
As soon as he could get his eyes open and his
iaws unlocked he smiled and told the lady that
he believed he had never met her before and his
action might seem rude and ungcntlemanly, but
she must pardon him, ss he was from the coun-
try and not very we'll mp in the latest published
rules of polite society. he said he had simply
caused her to sit down beside him to ask her if
she would explain to him by what means the
feet could bs controlled and held in subsection
when their impetuosity and frolicsome nature
awoke in them desire to fly off in different
directions and behave in an unbecoming and in
decorous manner. The lady didn't seem to hear
him and in an abstracted manner made
some irrelevant allusion to AN awk
ward idiot" and got up and left him. This
unladylike behavior made Billy mad and he
rolled over and over till he reached . chair and
climbed up and snatched off his skates and re-
turned them to Emerson and told him that when
= Fld