Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-08-15
Eelerf Reahing.
The Bad Boys Fourth ef July.

The Bad Boys Fourth Ct July.
"What has your pa got his head tied
up so for" asked the grocery man of
the bad boy, as he came in the store
with a pair of big yarn mittens on,
and took up an apple with his mouth,
his hands seeming to be helpless, 'and
what aiIs your own hands: | should
think you had been on Fourth OF
July drunk"
"We haven't been drunk, at least
only as drunk as person can get on
lemonade. But we have had serious
accident" said the boy, as he held the
apple on his arm while he chewed a
piece OF it. "You see, pa is very pa
triotic, and he likes to celebrate the
glorious Fourth. He bought a lot of
fireworks and invited the minister
family and lot Of the deacons' fami-
lies over to our house, on the evening
of the Fourth, to see him set of the
.Ssyorks it1hnA tl n
Y0uld point the ros say,
$50 the sticks would BE just
us we'll as the unjust 5rs. Pa
wouldn't let me touch the fireworks,
cause he said only grown up men
should handle such things, and he
knew all about it. The folks all got
out in the yard. the minister in ham,
mock, his wife in lawn chair near the
hammock, swinging him, ma on the
outside cellar door, the deacons and
their families scattered around in the
chairs and on the ground. and me and
my chum in u swing. He fixed up a
board 10 shoot rockets from, and had
u boxiull Of fireworks behind tree,
and after t,lling the ladies to te quiet
he fixed 4 rocket on the board, put Il
lot Of Roman candles in his coat tail
pocket, gave IA few candles to tn" min
ister, who laid them down beside him
in the hammock, and when all was
ready pa touched off the rocket.
shall always rhlnk pa put the rocket
on the board wrong side up. Anyway
it 'whIshed,' aud bursled, and scatter
ed all over our yard, and the stick
struck ma. whosas on the cellar door,
in the pnlonaise. aud she yelled. and
the cellar door fel and let her down
cellar. The rocket filled the box "f
fireworks with fire, aud they all began
to 60 off at once, aud such noise and
stampede never heard. The Roman
candles in pas coat tail pockets began
TO 60 Off aud shoot colored balls up
under his coat aud down his trowsers,
and be Yelled that he was. stabbed an.l
called for water. The pin wheel be-
gan to A. around. and one Of tnem get
into the hammock with the minister
and touched otr his Roman candles
and he got so scared hc couldn't get
out of the hammock, and he just laid
there and yelled. He thought he was
dead and had made mistake and got
10 the wrong hereafter, and he didn'i
seem 10 realize what was up till mig
ger chaser got after his wife, chased
her around u tree and went into her
stocking. when she jumped right into
the hammock on top of the minister
and said, %, Lord, save me, and tina,
tipped the hammock over and spilled
both Of them out on the ground into
some red fire. that was burning By
that time the rockets in the box got to
going, and they went off among the
deacons and their wives and the sticks
flew everys here, and some OF thes<
cannon fire crackers got their tails atire
and they went off, and the folks just
laid down aud blatted. Every few
minutes some new fire works would
catch fire and run among the guests,
and pa saw me and my chum IN the
swing and said, Turn the hose on us.
So | grabbed the garden hose, which
was wetting down the lawn tother side
of the house, and me and my chum
played fire engine, and wet the whole
party till all the fire was out, and then
they all jawed pa cause he didn't
know anything. Ma wasn't hurt at
all, only scared, and we found her in
the cellar, where she had crawled un-
der the kindling wood. Pa had SOL
refreshments on table on the veran!
da, that he was going to treat the COM
pany with, but pin wheel got in a
pail of lemonade and a niger chaser
followed it and chased thespin wheel
and lemons around until the lemonade
smelled like gun that is breech burnt ;
and a rocket went into the ice cream
freezer and exploded an throwed ice
cream all over the side OF the house
just like mortar, and bunch of fire.
crackers went off in the cake basket
and spoiled the cake. After the fire
was out and We stopped playing the
hose on them, we found that nobody
was burned except pa and me, and his
forehead and hair was singed and my
hands were burned putting out the
minister's wife. The minister's coat
was spoiled, and his wife lost one Of
stockings, but they were not hurt. Pa
went into the house to put some sweet
oil On his head, and he got into the
bottle of prepared glue by mistake,
and his hair is glued down to his head,
and became hard, so it sounds like a
board when he hits it with his knuck-
les and that is what his head Is tied
up for. Ma says it will take six weeks
to soak that glue off pas head. Say,
do you think it is right for pa to lay
it to me? He says if me and my chum
had been standing over that box with
the hose as we should have been, in
stead of enjoying ourselves in that
swing, we could have saved all the
trouble, and then pa says if | hadn't
changed the glue into the sweet oil
bottle, his head wouldn't have been
stuck up so. 1t just seems to me that
everything is laid to me"
"Well, it seems as though your pre-.
sence anywhere was bad omen," said
the grOceryman. "YOu seem to be 8