Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1884-09-11

n
= % .r,aoed in whether you are preacher
a merchant, a mechanic, lawyer VI = III Ill
mon lsborer, you can't do your N1hS w"
when YOU are half sick. THOUSANDS ~ ~,
hut All in vain. How much better - ny
your organs in good order BY taking 1iNV' :,
Tonic when you feel "a little out OF sorts,
IL would be money in your pocket one
hour Of good. rejoicing Lealth IS worth hali
n dozen hours full Of languor and pain.
Fashion item: Miss Brown, who is no
longer young, was chiding Miss Moire for
her foolishness in carrying parasol which
Miss Brown said was useless and piece Of
affection. q never carry a Parasol," she
said. "No," replied Miss MORE, people on
the shady side of life have no use for them"
Papa" asked a little boy, looking up
from bis sunday school lesson, what are
the wages Of SIM" 'The wages Of sin these
days, replied the old man. earnestly, de-
pend upon circumstances, and ones oPpor-
tunities and business capacity. But they
run up into the thousands, my boy, they run
up iato the thousands"
There are twenty-five United states Sen
ators whose terms expire on the Sd Of next
March. The question Of who are to be their
successors is becoming very interesting, es-
peeially to the incumbents themselves, who
desire = reelection. Elections have been
held in four instances, the successors to
Pendleton, Villains and Jonas Of louisa
ma, being already chosen, while Allison, OF
Iowa, succeeds himself OF the other
twsnty-one there are several who will sue
coed themselves.
do you know, George, Iwish you would
STAY at home tomorrow" "Why, darling q
ooh, because this afternoon terrible look
ing tramp came here while you were away
aud ordered me 10 give him something to
eat, so had to give him all that sponge
cake made last Saturday. and, George, he
says he's coming back tomorrow" Did
he eat the cake. darling" "Yes; all OF
it, Yes, every bit" "Well, then set your
mind at rest, dear, he will never come
back"
First Delegate in Palmer House dining
Eoem)-Do you know George William Cur
It's BY sight?" Second Delegate-"No. l do
not. should like very much 70 see the ED
gentleman" Just then a voice from the
opposite table said Waiter, bring me a
glass Of water" And the two delegates ex-
claimed With one accord; " That must be
Dir. Curtis"
What do you want to set such tough
chicken before me fer" Indignantly ex-
claimeda fair damsel in a restaurant the
other day. Age before beauty, always,
you know, ma'am, replied the polite at
tsndant. who well knew how TO serve his
employer and q tough chicken at the same
time.
"There is no calamity which could befall
woman which have not suffered, " said an
indianapolis woman to her husband" "Oh,
no, my dear; not 50 bad as that. For in
stance, you are not a widow, ne answered,
sweetly. She held her breath two seconds
AVID then retorted &C. said calamity sir. "
Here are the weights of some Of the
largest bells in the world King Of bells, "
Moscow, AS, OBJ pounds; ST. Ivan's, Moscow,
l27 $50; great bell at Pekin, 10000, at
Vienna Al, 200; at Olmutz, Bohemia, 40,
900; St. Paul's, London. SS,470; Big
Ben" Westminster, 30,35O; at Montreal
Is 800; St. Peters, Rome, 1860.
4 certain gentleman lost his wife, and a
young miss Of six years, who came TO the
funeral. said to his daughter about the same
age Your papa viii marry again; won't
heg" ooh! yes" was the reply. But
not ill after the funeral"
One grain each of powdered opium, asa
fetida and cayenne pepper made into a pill
and taken every 4 hours is guaranteed
cholera cure prescribed By the London
Truth.
A New York student of feminine beauty
whose observations date back forty odd
years asserts that the blonde is slowly dying
out-leaying the field matrimonial to her
dark eyed sisters
A little girl of three explains the Golden
Rule to her sister " It means that you must
do everything want you to, aud mustn't do
anything don't want you 10.
Two female burglars were recently cap
tured in London. They could have got away
with their sway had they not stopped to try
on some new bonnets they found in DIES
sing room.
To say that man with bad cold in his
head is like musician, because he blows
the nasal organ and sounds the loud catarrh,
may bea bass Joke, but its tenor is certainly
funny.
Brooklyn druggists sworo solemn oath
20 charge as much as they can get for patent
medicines. The porous plaster market con
firm.
It is rumorsd that burglar entered the
house Of a Nr. Hayes a private citizen, the
other day, and getaway again without losing
anything.
An amateur punster informs US that some
houses have wings, and he has often seen a