Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1884-12-18
A Wild Western Yarn.
TBill Nye in The Denver Opinion.


There's big difference in doctors, tell
you" said an oldtimer to me the other day.
"iou think you know something aoou 'em,
but you are still in the fluff and bloom and
kindergarten Of life. Wait till you've been
through what have"
"Where, for instance ?" asked him.
"Well, saying nothing about anything else,
just look at the doctors we had in the war.
We had doctor in our regiment that looked
as if he knew so much that it made him un-
happy. found out sfterward that he ran a
kind Of COW founding asylum in Utah be-
fore the war, and when he had to prescribe
for human being it seemed to kind Of rat
tie him.
81 fell of'n my horse early in the cam
paign and broke my leg, rickolect, and he
sot the bone. He thought that bone ought
to be sot similar TO hen. He made what
he called good splice, but the break was
above the knee. and he got the COW idea in
10 his head IN way that set the knee be-
hind. That was bad.
Il told him one day that he was blamed
fool. He gave me cigar, and told me
must be mind-reader
For several weeks our colonel couldn't
eat anything, and seemed to feel kind Of
bilious He didn't know what the trouble
was till he went to the doctor He looked
at the colonel few minutes, examined his
tongue, and told him right of that he had
lost his cud
Ie Dragged good deal on his diagno-
sis He said he would like to see the dis
ease he couldn't diagnose with one hand
tied behind him.
"He was always telling how he had re-
suscitated man they hung over at Tie City
in the early day. He was hung by mistake,
1t seemed. Ii was dark night, and the
vigilance committee was in something Of
hurry, having another party to hang over at
Dirty Woman's rancho that night. and 80
they erroneously hung quiet young feller
from Illinois, who had been sent West to
cure case of bronchitis He was right in
the middle Of an explanation when the head
viglantes kicked the board from under him
and broke his neck
"All al once some one said NV God,
We have made ridiculous bunder. Boys.
We cant be too careful about hanging total
strangers. A few more such breaks as
these, and people from the States will hesi-
tate about coming here to make their home.
We have always claimed that this was
good country for bronchitis. but If we write
to Illinois and tell this Young feler's pa
rents the facts, We needn't look for a very
large hegira from Illinois next season Doc.
can't You do anything for this young man z
Then this physician stepped forward, he
SAYS, and put his knee on the back Of the
boys neck, gave it little push, at the same
Tine pulled the head back with snap that
Strengthened the neck, and the young fellow,
lhn in tho ,ptIIia NF laroy.. word
! something like contumely, when the barrel
tipped over, tnlshed out the word and went
right on with the explanation. The doctor
said ne lived a good many years. and was
loved and esteemed by all who knew him.
The doctor was always telling Of his
triumphs in surgery. He did save GOOD
many lives, too, toward the close of the war.
lie did it in an odd way, too.
He had about one year more TO serve,
and, with his doctor.ng on one side, and the
hostility Of the enemy on the other, our
regiment was wore down to about FIVE hun
dret men. Everybody said we couldn't
stand 1t more than another Year. One day,
however, the doctor mad just measured a
man for a porous plaster, and had laid the
stub of his cigar carefully down on the top
Of red powder key, when there was
slight mospheric disturbance, the smell Of
burnt clothes. and our regiment had 10 APP
ply for new surgeon.
The wife of our late surgeon wrote to
have her husbands remains forwarded 70
her, but told her it would be very difficult
to do .o owing to the nature Of the accl-
dent. said, however, that we found an
upper set Of teeth lmbedied in a palmetto
tree near BY, and had buried them with mil
ltary honors, erecting over the grave large
board on which was inscribed the name
and age Of the deceased, and th, inscription:
"'Nut dead, but spontaneously distrib-
uted, Gone 10 meet his g.oritied throng Of
patients. IA, IA, vain world"