Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1884-01-24
ApvRRTIsTNa RATES.
HUMOROUS.

y
call that boy yourself l can't make
him get up He sleeps as if he were
log" "Oh, well, Maria, the boy
can't help it. It's fate. He was born
to be policeman.
"Been down to Tugstrap's stable.
| tell you he's got some splendid horse
flesh in it." "Has he Wonder he
doesn't put some of it on that pair of
frames he had out this morning"
At the bank: "I have note here
that's due to-day. I'd like to get the
time extended, as | haven't any mon
ey." 1--WE cannot possibly let it go
over" "That is, have the money,
but" "All right, I guess we can ac
commodate you. If you've got the
money it's quite a different thing"
Among the reasons urged by PeO-
ria, Ill. woman for a divorce are
Drunkenness, swearing, obscenity, ar
son, filthy habits, incompatibility, in
fidelity, brutality, laziness, bigamy,
and non-support. She married him
to spite her father for boxing her ears.
They were talking about music and
the drama at the table of their host,
who, as they were already well aware,
owed his fortune to his own unaided
exertions. "You are fond of Rossini?'
asked one of the guests. Passion
ately," replied the host. Know his
Barber 2" "No, sir; do not; new
er patronized the man. Have shaved
myself for the last forty years.
Don't you think, husband, that
you are apt to believe everything you
hear ?" "No, madam, not when you
talk
Have you ever seen mermaid,
captain p asked lady on board the
Margate boat. I've seen a good
many fish women, madam, if that's
what you mean, was the reply.
ExERcIsE-Said young doctor to
lady patient: You must take ex-
ercise for your health, my dear. % All
right, she said IN jump at the first
offer They were married about six
months afterward.
A CHICAGO PARTNGToN.-An In
diana Avenue lady dropped in on one
of her neighbors for an afternoon call.
How is your daughter 2" she inquir-
ed. 4" Splendid She has just got
back from the State Normal School,
where she ciphered clear through from
ambition to chemical fractures, and
then she took up pottery and jobbery,
and says she can speculate the inter-
nal calculations +"
The following curious incident act
ually occurred recently; Whilst clergy
man was in the midst of his sermon a
person entered the church and in the
coolest manner possible sauntered up
the aisle. No sooner had the preach
er's eye lighted on the newcomer than
dropping the thread of his sermon he
said to him, Come in, my friend come
in; we are always glad TO see those
here late VIII can't come early The
unknown individual stepped forward,
coolly took his seat, and then as coolly
asked the preacher, 'Would you oblige
me with the text?' Certainly wasthe
reply, and the request having been
complied with, the sermon proceeded.
SCHoTT AND NoTT.-A duel was
lately fought in Texas by Alexander
Shott and John S. Mott. Mott was
not shot, and Shott was not. In this
case it is better to be Shott than Mott.
There was rumor that Mott was not
shot. and Shott ayows that he shot
Mott, which proves either that the shot
Shott shot at Mott was not shot, or
that Mott was shot Notwithstanding.
Circumstantial evidence is not always
good. 1t may be made to appear on
trial that the shot Shott shot shot
Mott, or, as accidents with firearms
are frequent, it may possible that the
shot Shott shot shot Shott himself
when the whole affair would resolve
itself into it's original elements, and
Shott would be shot, and Mott would
be not. We think, however, that the
shot Shott shot shot not Shott, but
Mott anyway, it Is hard to tell who
Was shot.