Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-07-31
BILL MATSON'S OLD RAM.
VIG1 x a ISH,
The Boy Who Had Nothing to Do But
Get Stone Bruises on
His Heels.

Ueu StOne bruises on
His Heels.
'.Dd you ever have a healthy and
vigorous old ram push your coat tail
up against you kerchunk! uncxpected-
" when you wasn't looking!' INQUIRED
Bill Matson, of Bliffhins, as the bar
tender placed two shippers on the table
in little back room at Schneider's
grocery.
mo. Bill, never did; but I've gone
a-courtin' q girl whose father WASH t
willin', and / heard something four or
five times before | got to the gate The
sensation was pro- bly, bout the same"
''Was it, thought" exclaimed Bill in
a high and incredulous tone of voice.
"When you say that you only show
how little you've travelled and how lit
tie fun you'v had In the world. For
species of excitement and thrilling
sensations that you can't get by fool
ing round q mule or by buckin' the IL
ger, to say nothing of the novel and
startling situations, give me an old ram
that's got grudge against somebody.
I've been there"
els there a story in this, Bill?"
ga story? Yes, and moral, too?"
LET 90 of it.
''Well, Blif, I'll do it, though it's
pretty rough on Bill. Yer see, when 7
was little barefooted runt and used
to wear tow trousers dad used to live
down on hill farm in Pennsylvany,
and about all [ had to do was to run
round gettin' bruises on nv
heels and Den'
STUNG BY BUNDLE BEES
and givin' dad chance to exercise
himself with q beech CAD he always
had handy-marm used to say that
dad walloped me SO much that my
trousers used to wear out behind first.
'Mongst other things [ used to raise
Cain with was u loveage stalk that [
used to blow peas through. Ever been
hit in the eye with a pea, Bliff?"
"No."
"Well, you don't want ter be. They
hurt like Sam Hill. used to 90 round
with loveage stalk under my Jacket
and my pocket full of dry peas, and
shoot peas at everything. One day as
| was a-goin' by the buck pastur' down
in the medder l seed the old ram
a-gnawin' grass and out come my low
age stalk. l fired two or three peas at
him, bat he was too far off, so that |
couldn't hit him, so | took off my hat,
held it up in front of my face, wobbled
it around and yelled 'boo-woo-woor
The old ram looked up and seed me,
and started for the rail fence with head
ready, and when he was bout three
feet away / give him 4 pea plump on
the nose. Golly! you oughter seed him
tear round and stamp, and smack his
head up agin the rails, and [ all the
time poppin' peas at his nose! Bimeby
he got sick of it. and went off out into
the middle of the pastur', and stood
there stampin' his feet and lookin' ugly;
but couldn't get him up to the fence
no more.
"'Long in June, as I was a-goin' by
the pastur', / seed some strawbrys
through the fence, and | wanted 'em so
bad that they made my mouth water.
The old ram was a-layin' down in the
corner of the fence under a but'nut
tree and looked as if he was asleep, so
/ slipped over the fence mighty still
and went to film my jacket with
strawbrys, and keepin' one eye on the
old ram. He didn't stir, and purity
soon | got so busy eatin' that [ forgot
al about h,l. Them was bic straw
brys, ana I was a-stoopin' down pickin'
with both hands when somethin' hit
me from behind. | guess it knocked
me q rod, and when | struck my nose
plowed q hole in the ground. OF course
/ knowed it was the old ram, who was
a-gettin' even for the peas, and
scrambled up and run for the fence,
but l hadn't gone ten feet Htore ne
lifted ne again, and then he backed
off bout half Z rod, and every time d
move he'd smash me.
Dad was a-hoein corn up on the
side-hill, AID he seed what was a-goin'
on. Yer see, dad didn't know nothin'
bout the peas, and it made him pow
full mad to see the old ram a-beltin'
me. and down he come as tight as he
fould run. The old ram was so busy
A-takin' care of me that the first thing
that he knew, dad had him by the
horns.
Blast yern seq dad, I'll larn yer
better than to be buttin' the breeches
often my boy He commenced pound
in the old rams nose with his fist.
Purity soon, jest as dad was astrikin'
the old ram bobbed his head down and
dad
HIT HIM ON THE HORNS.
Golly! how the old man did lump lp
and down, and snap his fingers and
howl! He felt in his pocket for his Jack
knife, but I'd lost that two or three
days afore when | was a-fishin'. Then
dad spied an old rotten stone, one of
them rs has all crumbled up into rough
gravel. He pulled the old ram along
up to that gravel. s;raddled across his
neck, grabbed hold of his horns up
close to his head, shouted: I'll larn
yer! and commenced chugging his
nose down into that gravel, but the
second time he chugged, the old ram
tnrned his nose back atween his fore
legs, dads hands slipped off, and down
went his fists kerchug into the gravel.
Afore he could straighten himself up
the old ram pulled back, tripped up
dads legs, and down he went on his