The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-07-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

selves Win CORY SIory.-b dShtt'sgt0H
Star.
An exchange says: Don't borrow
trouble" No, don't; but if you are
tempted to borrow trouble. borrow it
from friend, and do him the kindness
not to return it
Young man, when you see an old
maid adjusting her spectacles and clip
ping out that part of paper headed
Sealed Proposals., it is time for you
to take to the woods.
A summer resort letter says: when
people pay from So to S. a day for
| board, they have a right to expect
| something better than board nails for
| ladies to hang nice clothes upon"
A San Francisco Snowman is adyer-
| Using q troupe of educated flies. If he
| will send one on here to teach others
| how TO walk around the edge of milk
| pitcher without falling in, he will gain
| everlasting fame.
The young men of Massachusetts,
| town have hung 2 man in etfigy for
| backing out of a marriage contract.
Americans hate to see any individual
attempt to do q desperate deed and
then back out Of it,
An American poet has written some
verses entitled, An Angel in the
| House" No doubt he thinks so now,
but let him wait three or four years,
and see if he don't make mental re-
vision of that poem.
| A gentleman who was about to mar
rv plain girl said to his friend: lit
is not for her exterior but her inward
beauty that marry her Then for
goodness sake" replied the friend,
turn her inside oEt'
An Oswego paper described a fire by
saying that ''tbe red flames danced in
the heavens and flung their fiery arms
like a black funeral pail, until Sam
Jones got on the roof and doused them
out with pail of water
"Win you cross-examine the wit
ness?" asked the Judge of a Vermont
lawyer, as lady was about to leave
the stand. mo, your honor" was the
reply; Il have been married ten wears
land know DISQUALIFICATION Free
Press.
A gentleman recently returned from
fishing excursion was asked by
friend if he had been successful ooh,
yes" he answered; Il didn't catch
many fish, but | got plenty of bites. In
fact the mosquitoes were altogether too
merous.-BOSt0n Post.
"Why is it, pa, that they call them
commencement exercises when they
are really the last exercises?n said q
young hopeful who had just witnessed
the closing scenes of female semina-
~. because, my son, the girls do not
commence to learn anything until after
they graduate"
The father of five manageable
daughters was in town few days ago
trying to buy some four-leaf clover
seed to plant in his back yard. He
said he had read that when a young
girl finds a four-leaf clover it is a SIGN
that she will be married within year.
-NorriSt0Cn Herald
A man may hear mosquito buzz at
distance of twenty feet, and the verv
next day fail to hear the whistle of the
grass, dearly beloved; and it is great
pity a locomotive doesn't buzz like the
mosquito, and the mosquito whistle
like the locomotive.-Pa
Patient Doctor, I want you to pre-
scribe for me-" Doctor feeling of
her pulse) There is nothing the mat
ter, madam. All you need is rest"
Patient-''Now, aren't you mistaken,
Doctor? Please study my case care
fully. Just look at my tongue" Doctor
That needs rest, too. "-Lifc.
Johnny and Tommy were playing in
the back yard, when Johnny's mother
shouted to him from the kitchen to
come into the house whats that?'
asked Tommy. Its my mother hol-
lering in the kitchen" replied Johnnie.
ut makes me think of dudes head"
said Tommy. ''How?" asked Johnnie.
Because its holler within" answered
Tommy.
That lady is handsome, but she
looks as if she had q temper of her
own" remarked one drummer TO an
other on the train the other day You
bet! You read characters CORRECTLY"
was the reply. "Why, you speak as if
you were acquainted with HERO well
Am Slightly. l married her some ten
years ago and have been studying her
ever since"
My dear, look down below, said a
grandoeso as he stood on Waterloo
Bridge with his wife and gazing ut a
tug hauling a long line of barges.
Such is life-the tug is like a man,
working and toiling. while the barges,
like women, arc" Il know inter
rupted Mrs. G., acridly; 1.-The tug does
all the blowing, and the barges bear
all the burden"
a young lady from New York, who
is visiting friends in Wetherstield, saw
a yoke of oxen going by the house, and
said: 'Oh, how l would like good
fresh drink of milk from those cowsm
She is mortally afraid of cows, and
coming on one suddenly one day she
was too frightened to run; so poking
her parasol at the beast, she suffered
out. Lie down, sir; lie downn'-BoSton
Post.
Remember the poor" says an ex-
change. 1--WE will adds the Bur-
lington RaOtcye 1--WE do. We can't
forget him. He charged us 81 cord
for saving wood, and cut every last
stick of it four inches too long for any
stove in the house. We remember him.
And he'll remember us if we can ever
find him and hire man to hold him
while we starve him to death. Yonk-
erS Statesman.
The fact that Connecticut woman
Went into a carpet store the other day
and, after making her purchases. went
away and forgot her baby for an hour
or more. is held by a local contempora-
~ to answer the Biblical writer's Ques-
ton: Can woman forget her chiid?"
In the cause of Scriptural truth, how
ever, it must be remembered that this
question was asked before shopping"
was invented. Detroit Free Press.
Colonel Scheng- ki-Tong, 4 Chinese
nobleman, has written an article on
marriage in China for the ReUue des
Deur Nondse of Paris. He says every
one marries in China, and celibacy is
a vice. There are no marriages for
money, that practice being abhorved by
the Chinese as an evidence of bar barism.