Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1884-02-21
A Sloshing Sloshvillite.

had an inflated idea tnat | could run
n newspaper few points nearer the
wind than any editor yet born, and
especially the editor of the SIoshvillo
Cutter, published in n town in the
West, where | had been hanging out
for the summer, and so informed the
editor a few weeks since.
Tangled snarles!" yelled he, chow
easy to unravcl! | have been poking
the cobwebs out of my brain trying
to think of some one fitted to fill my
chair, while | enjoy trip to Phila-
delphia, to attend the funeral of my
lamentcd mother-in-law, and here
comes Nimblc Yankee Acker, Esq,
(my full handlc) just the man for the
place By the flop of hy's wing, |
am in luck"
The die was cast, | was to run the
Sloshville Gutter for one week, and at
it | went.
"You want to be careful of your
insinuations and bits of sarcasm" said
the editor, as a parting caution, "for
the people of Sloshville are little
nervous and little cXcitablc under
the ticklings of the editorial pen; in
fact. if | had my choice, ! would rath-
cr tickle the hind leg ofan army mule
with a two-inch straw, than nervous
Slosshvillitc with forty-milc quill"
The next day the editor left for
Philadelphia p to enjoy the rarity of a
funeral of mother-in-law-it is usu-
ally the son-in-law's funeral-and |
took up my task of grinding out items
relating to Sloshvillc and vicinity.
| had not labored long, when in
rumbIcd huge specimen of Slosher,
who looked as though he had just
crawlcd from under a land side. He
wore hat which had been viciously
slashed bv the scvthc of time, the left
side of the brim having been Topped
off. as if to give freedom TO the ear
which mcekly huggcd the place which
had in past ages given il shelter from
the cold glances of Il frowning world.
The other portions of his attire also
attested to the changes which time
NAV bring about during the fight of
centuries-cXcuse the plural: the sun
NAV never have shone in all its splen-
did refulgcncc at the dawn of the day;
nor the benevolent moon east its dim
radiance in thcquiet night, upon those
garments for more than one century,
but be that as it may, they were frill-
ed and shaggy, like unto the eyebrow
of Barnum's best monkey, and were
in danger of being torn asunder when
he sat down and began:
"Howdv, mister; so We the fel'r as
is goin' ter run this here shebang
while the cd'tcr is off ter Philadelfy,
ch? | Jest thought I'd scoot in and
give yer a pint or two about town
doin's. My names Hank Hankerson."
"Ah, Mr. Hankcrson, glad to see
you. Anything stirring about town"
wall, now; should say there was.
Do YOU think I'd come prowlin' round
here if had nothin' ter shoot off ter
yer? Wall, | rather guess not! |
cacElate am the man who can whoop
up more Sloshvillc news for yer in an
hour, than any other galoot could in
q week"
NAV have looked little doubtful
of his ability to fill the bill, for he
said:
Don't catch on, ch? Wall, get yer
quill and III sling more COLL slamed
news at yer in fifteen minutes, than
yer ever herd whoaped from one mans
tongue in lifetime, or hope a cy-
clone will scoop me up and drop me
from the highest peak of the Rockeys.
Here she goes; now slop around the
ink"
Last all,mc and Bill Broadbut
went over tC-"
"But hold on" saidI, people don't
want to read about what you did a
year ago. Give us something fresh"
ooh, it'll be fresh 'nough before |
get through. Just you never mind, but
scatter that ink. AS | was sayin,'
last fall, me and Bill went over to
Bangtown, and there was a shindig
going on at"
"Confound it; man,; tell you that
is not news. It's stale. What the
people want is something new
and-n
~