The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1884-03-27
HOW TO ROLLER SKATE.
Instructions Impaired by an Amateur
Who Knows How it is.

Roller skating has been the chief man
ner of amusement the past few months. |
The young and giddy girl and the two
for cent young man have turned their |
entire attention to gliding over the floor |
on the rollers. In fact. everybody has got |
the craze, and as consequence the man
ayers of the Kinks have struck bonanza
4 reporter elbowed his way to the rink
the other night and succeeded in obtain
ing standing room. An anxious and
excited lady, who was taking much inter
est in the proceedings, exclaimed to an
acquaintance who had just taken Oft her
skates, how in the world do you do it?"
How to roller skater Simplest thing
in the world. You first procure red or
green ticket for fifteen or twenty five
cents which goes to the man who put up
the building merely for amusement, not
profit The ticket is generally bought of
nice looking man or lady whose portrait
is presented through a small aperture in a
board partition painted white, sometimes,
but sometimes left in the natural color of
the wood TO put the skater in mind of saw
mills and ponds. The piece of pasteboard
is given to another young man who is
hired to take them at the entrance to the
rink. You then proceed on foot to the
man who is called the skate custodian"
who will rent you pair of the compound
double distilled anesthetic rollers for the
small sum of ten cents, not to make
money, but merely to advertise the manu-
facturers. You never knew manufacturer
who wanted to make profit on such ar
tic!es, They are all philanthropists, and
make skates merely for the general health
of the people, When the skate custodian
fits pair of rollers to your lilly white
feet, you stand up and keep up if you
stand, but if you seem to feel a goneness
as if you wanted to sit or lie down, grasp
the wall with your finger nails, and en-
deavor to impress upon those who may
have noticed your indispostion, that you
are gazing upon the peculiar shape of a
knot hole which the carpenter forgot to
close up when he drove the last spike in
the rink This will relieve YOU You then
make another start, leaning forward; the
! impetus will send you across the rink in
fine shape, landing you against a portly
lady who has just stopped over to fix
her skate. OF course the portly lady has
a desire to more closely scrutinize the
CLASSY floor, and doing which in such
a sudden manner, causes her nose
to bleed from excitement In he
meantime you have seated yourself,
II Turk, and recovered from the starry
transition which the contact of the back
of your head and the floor caused you
moment before. Youm may think the start
rather troublesome and dangerous, but it
is the most pleasant pastime. as all skaters
will tell you. When you gain your equi
librium creep to the northeast corner of
the rink and select one of lie anxiously
waiting, stunning young men, whose skill
is about equal to your own, who viii
assist you TO glide around until you
meet with an obstruction, which will canse
you aud your partner to cut a pigeon
wing in sprawling position, to the great
delight OF the spectators. of course the
aforesaid young man. with wilted mus
tache, and yourself will become somewhat
tangled, but the skating master Will unite
the knot when You are ready to sail
forth on another voyage. This time,
groaning under the determination to show
the unruly spectators that you were only
foOling, you launch out with double as
surance, and in a moment wonder what
has happened to the lateal vertebra OF
your spine. But crying with delight
another effort is~ made, and after you
succeed in creating a human pyramid in
the middle OF the rink, you go home filled
with ecstaCy at the dexterity You have
displayed in your first effort, and devote
the remaining hours in telling your folks
what wonderful skater you are destined
10 be. For further particulars, interview
others who have been there.