The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1884-11-17
KILLED BY THE KAZOO.
Why n Music Dealer Decided to Sell No More
"Kazoos"-Ruin Wrought by its Use.

why n Music Dealer Decided to Sell No More
"Kazoos"-Euin Wrought by its Use.
Newark News.
Say, mister, got any kazoosg' breathlessly in
quired a boy as he entered a Broad street music
store this morning. The music man silently and
sadly produced a cylindrical piece of red painted
wood which the urchin eyed all over carefully,
placed what appeared to be the mouthpiece in
his mouth, inflated his cheeks, emptied the wind
into the hole, and a sound compared with which
the raspipg of a saw would be sweet melody
filled the store and caused the proprietor's teeth
to ache. A moment later and the boy was on
the sidewalk exhibiting his prize to three other
boys, who looked at their companion obviously
as he remarked, after causing the instrument to
emit a sound that made the lamp-post rattle,
Amt she a daisy"
Watch those boys closely" said the proprie-
tor OF the store, land if either of them starts in
here lock the door. If this thing is kept up the
new asylum will be too small to hold the
kazoonatics, It's a new form Of lunacy caused
by those little Instruments of torture which you
see in that window.
ION last Monday a nice little boy purchased
one. His father is a highly respectable man, a
church member, and all that, who resides in
Woodside. On Wednesday he came in here a
perfect mental wreck. Talked awfullv; said
that l had ruined everything, broken up his
home, wrecked the family freside circle, and
carried on so that | thought | should have to
send for the police ambulance.
Prom a ~neighbor i learned that the boy had
QOit 1 u dill 11C htut VA tilbO Vic v dfu ufSb anu
praeticed. In ten minutes the watch dog, which
the neighbor said had a voice of wonderful power
and elasticity at night, was dead. He split his
throat in a vain endeavor to equal the notes of
the kaZoo. AS the boy kept on practicing and
struck new discords, the boards which composed
the back fence began to warp and finally curled
up in agony, while the heads of the n-penny
nails ached. The boy, after getting well up in
running the scales, entered the house, and the
minds of the family were wrecked. The man
has Supd for damages. and SlNa that if he ia ay-
PEELED from church it will be my fault
AS the man concluded he mournfully handed
one of the red pieces of wood to the News re
porter for examination. 1t was about four
inches long, with three holes on top, and q piece
of tin also perforated.
The name was not selected on account of its
beauty nor because the inventor had any idea
that 1t would prove an incentive to purchasers. -
said the music man. II: was chosen because the
peculiar character OF the noise which it produces
requires "A startling rather than a beautiful name.
Indeed, the peculiar characteristic of the music
is SO much more startling than anything else
that it would seem a libel to call the instrument
anything like a rational name.
"One of the strongest features of the instru
ment, next TO its music, is the fact that it has an
affinity for the boy. 1t is harmless unless one
end be attached to a small or large boy. 1t then
emits u noise which, as You will agree,
would make a foghorn blush and cause
a calliope to bust with envy. The kazoo and
the small boy are amendable to each other by
adding, do you see, and the noise is the result.
If the amendment goes into effect the music is
likely to produce a second amendment, offered
by the boys father, and which insists on 'strik-
ing out the instrument originally amended to
the boy.
''The greatest possibilities in the way of sound
lie not in the kazoo but IN the boy, and the
number of boys who will use it. No one who
has heard his neighbours children prac-
ticing on the instrument for hours, patiently
and heroically endeavoring to master the varia-
tons, will ever argue that the kazoo alone is eapa-
disorgouized and discordant notes which makes
the n&s'thowling dog long for solitude and
silence