Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-06-02

A correspondent OF an agricultural
journal wants to know how dog can be
prevented from sucking eggs. Hold the
dog firmly by the collar and suck them
yourself.
New York fashion has adopted cow
slips this spring, and the plain old posy
of the meadows adorns the windows of
the mightiest florists and is sold on the
streets and in all manner of ways.
A boyish novice in smoking turned
deadly pale and threw away his cigar.
Said he, 'sThar's sumthin' in that air ci-
gar that's made me sick" 81 know what
it is" said his companion, putting away.
"What?" "Tebacker."
The things which every man can do
better than his neighbor are named by an
Industrious collector of statistics thus !:
Poke a fire, put on his own hat, edit a
newspaper, tell a story-after somebody
else has begun it-and examine railroad
| time. table.
The chum Of boarder at a hotel struck
| him over the head with q wash-bowl, the
| other day. When his friends ask him
what ails his head, he mutters, 'Infam-
matory room-mateism," and adroitly
| guides the conversation into another
channel.
Eve was the only woman who never
was girl, and between them they made
pretty mess of it. But l am not here to
find fault with Adam and Eve. They
were not to blame for never having been
children, and besides we have enough
sins of our own to look after.
A four-year-old, visiting neighbor
was asked if she would have bread and
butter. ''No, thank you," she said,
mamma said must not take bread and
butter when from home.'' Suddenly
Frightening up, she added, ''but she did
MT say anything about cookies"
What's the use of wasting money adj
vertising in the newspapers, when one
can tack notice like this on the bulle-
tin board Of a court house, or on the door
Of the district school house: s'Los OF
strade, Soral horse to wife feat and q
wife Ease. Blind in one five doler re-
word
A scientific paper announces that in its
next issue will appear an elaborate arti
Gle, entitled, elbow to Handle Bees.
Now bee is not a difficult thing to han
dle. He is as easily picked up as straw
berry, and is reasonably light aud com
pressible. To handle him is therefore
mere song. Any man can do it. In fact
the more ignorant of bees a man is, th,
more easily he can handle one. TIL,
main difficulty seems to lie in qu1etns
the man down after he has handled
small but frolicsome bee. There hav,
been men known to race around a ten
acre lot, and eventually lose their saliva
ton, after handling one bee for the tent
part of a second. The scientific journa
means well enough, no doubt; but wha
the country needs is an article on how t,
avoid handling bees.
The following resignation af countr
judge was recently sent to the governo
of Arkansas: II have got enough OF thi
blamed office. l took this here place ex
pectin to be respected, but mud has bee
flung at me ever since. The temperanc
people an the still-house folks have bee
pullin' at me all the time, an finally, whe
| concluded to go with the still-hous
, folks, the temperance people lowed
didn't have no sense an was an ole fraud
jes' like man didn't have right to d
as he pleases in this here free country
Well, they KEEP on aharpin' an aharpil
: till lowed that mebbe l was wrong, S
turned over to the temperance people
}. Then the still-house folks gun to how
an swore that / wuz fool an a thief nc
< how. So you see, l don't know whic
|, way to turn, an wanter say right her
: that you mBy take the blamed office your
SELF