The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-12-14


Yerdant enough 70 suppose that sucl
things viii be read by the parties Z
whom they are addressed, but littI
thought mus convince them that pro
ductioas Of that Calibre, the product OF
a disoYderea and effete mind, can neVe
command the attention Of anybod.
after Fading through the first few line
of childish imbecilitY.
Our MORNING cOCemporary' the organ
of refinement culture and progress o
the great vest. the exponent of true
American IDEAS of morality and govern
ment. well defined IN policy poiltlcs
INDUCES every day IN language tnaG one
would EXPECT to hear in the llthleSi
sIums Of letter Avenue, or the lowest
dives of our great cities. and not only
that but handles it with the skill OF a
master. indicating either wonderful nat
UraI facility IN acquiring the vocabulary
or else a thorough training from child
hood I'D 20 the present time, with nc
Indication OF a bolt in the onward
march.
tbs POLITICAL malcontent always
cuts very It anee and in
consistent figure. whenever he cuts
any figure at all. He makes
his appearance at a public meeting and
in ye,-v excited manner maintains
that every man should exercise his own
Judgment in political matters. and
should not. under any circumstances,
follow the advice of any one,
however sunerior to himself he may be
in every way. lie concludes his har-
angue by giving his views OF what
should DO done, who should be nomin-
ared elected, etc. The hearers i'm
1nediately act upon his advice, and pro-
eeed TO exercise their own judgment as
10 what he has said. All goes well, if
thew adopt his suggestions, but if Their
Judgment leads them to take an opposite
course. he Immediately turns furiOusly
mad ssfItG ,weArs he will never have any
thing f,iore 60 do politically with such
class of meu. and yet they simply fol-
lowed hi, advice.
Tx HeaALO's expose of the methods
by which the New Years Tribune" is
edited by Gentle business men, has not
had salutary effect upon the humor
Of the american gentlemen, nor is 1t
apt to have upon the money receipts
are apt to think the dollars they have
to contribute to the advertising columns
of the Tribune are sufficient without
being mulcted Ten. Fifteen or Twenty
Dollars for the privilege of giving them
selves an annual puff in the reading
columns.
SINCE THE HERALD's Premium Boom |
was inaugurated some of the letters
we have received upon the sub
iect from outside districts have |
been thought worthy to be framed !
for preservation; here is a recent one |
from a sunny spot in the south:
Eddy Herild-In hear. you will find |
a ten dol bill for 1 Herild yer dOunt
suppose it makes differans to you who |
gets priSes and as l have been sub
scribor to yerS pleas send the stoave
only as I have a parler stoave please
have D. James chang it for good cooke
stoave for kichins and will remain etc
etc etc
q STORY that might be called horribly
amusing. was one of those told by the
inimitable Bush the other night. He
was dressed in his Jewish gaberdine and
ratified off the following with break
neck yolubility: Nah brother ish vel
shmart man. l will tell you of how he
mate twenty-five dollar out of Preshi-
dent Artur one day last summer. They
was on de train in August. Artur
comes in unit he says, Vat hot day
ten dollar for piece OF ishe.' Dere was
no ishe to be had, but NAH brother says
done and he fetches him de ishe.
Before long in comes Artur again.
L can't Shtand it, says he, fifteen
dollars for another piece of ishe. Done,
says nah brother again, and he, fetches
him another piece; twenty-five dollars he
then had off of Artur for de ishe. Pretty
soon in he comes again. Fifty dohars,'
SAYS he, for piece of ishe i can't
shpare any more, said nah brother;
Pm afralt nah father Won't keep till I
get him home now.
WE WONDER what form of oath the
brakeman, conductor, fireman or en-:
gineer, who hires out to a railroad, has
to take before he becomes installed
in the service You might drag the
average railroad employee aSunder with
wild horses, but we will defy anyone to
get him to disclose the particulars of an
accident his road has undergone. To
tue youthful reporter just commencing
his glad career we will say, whenever
you hear of an accident on one of the |
roads, the last place you should apply |
for inf )rmation is at the Office of that |
road. Go to the office of the other
line and you can I'LL up your column |
without an effort.
The PAINFUL lapse of knowledge seems
to extend to the highest departments
Of the railroad service as well The
brakeman may be hurled through
bridge with a load of bullion crashing
after him, or be trampled under foot by
an engine that has teleScOped his train
and when questioned by reporter,
never be aware that anything out of the
common rut has befallen him, but the
mighty official can sit in his office,
receive a dispatch that his outbound
train has just descended into a ravine,
and still inform a reporter that
she got through all right on time. A
parallel case occurred not long ago.
A reporter heard of a casualty on one
of the roads. and, having knowledge
of road methods, he avoided the Off
GERS and steered for the depot where he
saw the remnants of the wreck come in, |
and got his particulars from sight |