The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23
Mark Twin on the Canada Side
at Niagara.


at Niagara.
/ managed to find my way back
alone to the place from whence had
started on this iool sh enterprise, and
then hurried over TO Canada to avoid
having to pay for the guide. At the
principal hotel l fell in with the
major of the Forty-second Fusileers
and dozen other hearty hospitable
EDglishmen, and they invited me to
join them in celebrating the queens
birthday. ] said | would be delighted
to do il. / said l liked all the
Euglishmen / had ever happened to
be acquainted with, and that |, like
all my countrymen, admired and
honored the queen. But | said
there was one insuperable drawback
i never drank anything strong
upon any occasion whatever, and |
did not see how / was going to do
proper and ample justice t. anybody g
birthday with the thin and ungenerOus
beverages | was accustomed 10. Tbs
major scratched his head and thought
over the matter at considerable
length; but there seemed to be no
way OF mastering the difficulty, and
he was too much of a gentleman to
suggest even a temporary abandon
ment of my principles. But by-and-
by he said:
81 have it. Drink soda water.
As long as YOU never drink anything
more nutritious there isn't any impro-
priety in it"
And so it was settled. We met in
a large psrlor, handsomely decorated
with flags and evergreens, and seated
ourselves at board we'll laden with
creature comforts, both solid and
liquid. The toasts were happy and
the speeches were good, and we kept
it up till long after midnight. /
never enjoyed myself more in my
life. drank rty-eight bottles of
soda water. But do you know that
is not reliable article for q steady
drink? 1t is too gassy. When / got
up in the morning | was full of gas
and as tight as balloon. l hadn't
an article of clothing / could wear
except my umbrella.
After breakfast found the Major
making grand preparations again. l
asked what it was for, and he said
that this was the Prince of Wales
birthday. 1t had to be celebrated
this evening. We celebrated it.
Much against my expectations, we
had another splendid time, We kept
it up till some time after midnight
again. was tried of soda, and so
/ changed off for lemonade. l drank
several quarts. You may consider
lemonade better for a steady drink
than soda water, but it isn't SO. In
the morning it had soured on nv
stomach. Biting anything WAS out
of the question-it was equivalent to
lock-jaw, / was beginning to feel
worn and sad. too.
Shortly after luncheon 1 found the
Major in the mids: of some prepare
tions, He said this was the Princess
Alice's birthday. 1 concealed nv
grief.
Who is the Princess Alice ?" l
asked.
Daughter of her majesty, the
Queen the Major said.
81 succumbed. That night we
celebrated the Princess Alice's birth
day. We kept it up ss late as usual.
and really enjoyed it a good deal.
But | could not stand lemonade. II
drank couple of kegs of ice water.
In the morning l had tootbache
and cramps aud chiIblains, and nv
teeth We're on edge from the lemonade.
and l was still pretty gassy. found
the memorable major at it again.
"Who is this for 2" | asked.
Ibis royal highness, the duke of
Edinburg."
''Son of the queen ="
Eyes"
"And this is the birthday-you
1avn't made any mistaken"
mo; the celebration comes off to-
hight"
L bowed before the new calamity.
Ne celebrated the day. 1 drank
'art of barrel of cider. Among the
irst objects that met my weary and
aundlced eye the next dav was the
major, at bis interminable prepare
ions. My heart was broken, and
went.
"Whom do We mourn this timer
said. II
The Princess Beatrice, daughter /
f the Queen"
Here, now" [ said, sit is time to