Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-05-28

BLINK Gan exchange fend)-'tThat
was rather a curious achievement for an
editor" Blank Gan editor -"What
was ?" Blink-"I see by this paper
that the editor of Colorado journal has
killed cinnamon bear weighing 1900
pounds" Blank--''The lear must have
come into the office to look over ex-
changes. "-Philddelphia Cal.
"CAN you help poor, unfortunate
man to q little something ?" pleaded q
mendicant s'You don't look as though
you needed charity" was the reply.
"You are strong and hearty, and able to
do days work. ''Yes, sir; but am
very unfortunate man. I am strong
enough, and my health is good, but I
was born lazy. Philadelphia CaU.
Sis old Bleekham dead yet ?" asked
the local newsgatherer. "No, / was just
around there, and he was was still living,
but was very low-expected to die at any
moment" s'Yes, that's just our luck.
He'll live on until after our paper is is
sued and then he'll die, and the morn
ing papers will get the news first. / feel
like swearing. "-Kentacky State Jour
nal.
EVERYBODY must grow old, you
know" said Mrs. Bass to her husband,
who had been remarking upon the rapid
aging of one of Mrs. BIS dear friends.
''Not everybody, DEAR" replied Bass
Everybody who lives long enough, you
mean - adding pathetically, ST should
grieve to think that my sweet wife
would ever grow DID," It is whispered
that the Bases are not living on the
best terms just now.-Boston Tran
script. ss-
For certain grade of murder the
japanese law does not only condemn
the criminal to death, but all of his
family and his schoolmaster. All q
Japanese youth has TO do to revenge
himself on his schoolmaster, when the
latter whacks him for placing crooked
pin on the seat, is to commit certain
grade of murder" The law strikes us
as being a little rough on the pedagogue
-Norr6stoaOn Herald.
"MoTHER," remarked the Prince of
Wales, II h'addressed the 'ouse of
Lords yesterday hin regard to the con-
dition of the poor in this city. Some
thing bought to be DONE" eyes," re-
piled the Queen. IT ham taking steps
in that direction myself what do
you hexpect to do for the poor?" inter-
rogated the Prince, with look of sur
prise. ST ham goin' to give them 500
h'of my new books for nothink."
The other day Mr.. Lendall, on
reaching home, found Mrs. L. con-
vulsed with laughter. On asking the
cause Mrs. L. replied: Little Mamie
Borrowsome was just here on borrow
ing expedition" "What did she want
this time?" "She came in and said:
Mother wants to borrow your best
nightgown, cause she's got company,
and her'n looks old and shabby"
"And you let her have it?" "Of course
poor womanl"
exhibition of statuary, and the good
lady was much interested. As they went
home, she said to- him sweetly: s'Darling,
wouldn't you like it If I were statue?"
81 hadn't thought of it, love-" SIT
would be so nice if I were; for then you
could have me just the same for all the
years to come, with no fading, no dim
ming of the eyes, no wrinkled brow, no
peevlsh OLD age, no nothing but pure
white marble, the same yesterday, TO-
day and forever" ssThat would be nice.
wouldn't it? And you couldn't talk any
either, could you, lover" he said, absent
~, with last summer look in his soft
blue eyes.-Mercharat Traveller.
A wELL-KNowN Detroit lady, who is
thrifty provider, saw load of pork
and concluded to purchase couple of
fine porkers, for which she settled with
the dealer on the spot. She forgot,
however, to give him her address, and
an hour later, as she stood onversing
with some of her aristocratic friends,
the man of pork approached and
''nudged" her mysteriously with the
butt end of his whip. The lady turned
in amazement. "Shzay, shzayT he
asked in a loud voice, 'vas you de
woman dot belongs to dem hogs?"