The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1884-02-29

masher. The theory is that he can see
with one eye much more than he can
comprehend.
What is laughtcr?" asks q scientist
It's the sound you hear all over the
restaurant when the waiter drops a
plate of hot soup down your back.
IL there is one time more than anoth-
er when woman should be entirely
alone, it is when q full line of clothes
comes down in the mud.
''Gvercome by gas" is the headline
on daily paper. We knew those ire
mendous gas bills would kill some
body sooner or later.
YES" said the Idaho man, ''it's
dreadful unfortunate that my gal got
Rugged by that ar bar. SAe's sort o.
held me i'll contempt since
After matrimonial infclicity. Fogg
says the women ought TO make the first
overturc5 for peace. because most wc-
men make mp so well.
A Brooklyn young man who was
shot in the mead u couple of months
ago has recovered, with the bullet in
his brain. As he is not a dude, his case
is puzzling the doctors.
A leading religious weekly recently
published the ten commandments, and
now Texas papers are reprinting them
under the headline, Pearls OF
Thought"
The force of habit is fully Illustrated
in the case of retired miikman, who
says he never sees can of water with
out having an almost irresistible desire
TO put some milk to it.
What" said an inguisitive young
lady, lis the most popular color for u
bride?" We may be 4 little particular
on such matters, but we would prefer
white one.
Live while you may-Timid passen-
ger Gas the gale tresheneD, ''Is there
any danger?' Tar CONTINUOUSLY, "Wcll.
them as likes good dinner had better
hev it to-dayr'
A frightful looking creature, standing
erect, with long, shaggy hair, is strik-
ing terror into the hearts of the people
at Calcutta, o. Has anybody lost
poet?
An item is going the rounds that
church members embrace three times
as many women as men. Yes, that is
probably correct. There is not more
than % per cent. as much fun in en-
bracing men as women.
A southern Dakota man recently
promised his dying wife that he would
meet her in heaven. When the fact
became known that the man was an ed
itor, the joke was regarded as too good
TO keep.
No" said George Henry, 81 didn't
go there to court the girl, only called
in occasionally TO pass the time, you
know; but first thingsI knew they had
me mp for breach of promise, and SO,
| you see, went to court at last"
A correspondent wishes to know who
wrote the poem, "Our country's Tyres
are mute. We do not know, but if
! our country's liars were also mute it
would be contamination most devout-
ly to be wished.
A young dandy who sporied an enor-
nous mustache asked lady what she
( thought of his looks. .'Well,' said
she, ''you look as if you had swallowed
Il squirrel and left the tail sticking ont
your mouth"
! According to book. ''In the year
1917 As potatoes formed the sole food
OF the Irish peasantry." A schOolbov
read this passage Us follows: In the
year 1917, IS potatoes formed the sole
! food of the Irish peasantry.'
Brownie onfound il! Did you see
me kiss this lady?' Boy cil,
I'm not stone blind" Brown-"Here
fifty ccnts--you needn't say Boy
"Oh. it's all right. I've made over
! go Oft of her this summer and fall.
Yes" said Mr.. Brickhandler, ''my
bulldog has wonderful artistic taste.
He wouldn't attack q tramp the other
! day because the cloth of the mans
trousers wouldn't harmonizn we'll with
! the color of his jaws
The Indians who sell hay to the gov
eminent ont west have been detected
placing large rocks in the bales. That
| comes of teaching the Indians to read,
so that they can study the daily papers
and become posted in the tricks OF the
white farmers.
A New York variety actress wore II
string of cranberries around her Tcck,
and 4 critic next morning referred To
her magnificent coral necklace" If
| the critic had got "mashed' on her he
would probably have learned the differ
| encc.
! The young man who. ut the rink
Saturday evening, observed the writer
and lady skating together, and made
some remark about ''beauty and the
beast" will hear something to his dis
advantage if he will call ut this Office.
No punishment is too severe for brute
who calls Il lady Il beast.
A gentleman who takes business
view of things, when recently asked
respecting person of quite a poetic
temperament, replied. "Oj, he's one
of those men who have soarings after
the infinite. and divings after the
unfathomable, but who never pays
cash."
An English psychological society is
rackinG its brains over the conundrum,
care angels ever. sIeepy?' Not very
often, but when you hear bootjack
rolling down the front stairs, you can
make up your mind that the angels
father is sleepy, which practically
amounts to the same thing.
A medical journal devotes an entire
| cOluInU 10 lclilUS now I'D l;lli tSlctD,
while we can do it in three short words:
$50 to church." This shows the great
advantage of the Am rican paragraph
system over the old fashioned lengthy
editorial.
The man in South Yonkers who
spent five regular-sized hours with his
.'bcst girl on recent Sunday night
and never offered to kiss her 'red, red
cheeks" gave as an excu2e that he had
seen a placard on the steOpas he came
In which warned visitors to- beware
of the paint. He was cautious young
| man.
my dear" said the aunt of a young
widow to her niece one day, sis that
your husbands portrait on the wall?'
.Ycs, auntic." ''How blissfully happy
and what heaven on earth must have
been his life below" simpered the
aunt "Ah, YES" said the widow;
.but we divided the thing up, so that
when he became blissful in heaven l
became happy on earth"
Never Give Up.
If you are suffering with low and de-
pressed spirits, loss of appetite, gener-
al debility, disordered blood, weak con-