The Osceola times., 1884-03-08
Tho nIl.
SCISSOR R-ISMS.

somehow or other all impatient and
unpunctual men have wives. - Dolly
Dawdle.
II was the gas meter that first sang
IN meter when the sun goes down." y
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
There's one waist that the most amor
Gus root doesn't caio 70 hdg. That Ii
the waste basket.-The Judge.
Her cold feet haunt me still, should be
sung these cold days by married men,
Waterloo Observer. V.E
There is danger in the.electic wire '
remarked the criminal when overtaken
by telegram.-Elevated Railway Jou--
nal.
Why should people consider electricit,
dangerous when those who have investi-
gated this force make light of it.-Life.
The next door neighbor of st, Paul
editor is named Brandy. The good
Christian editor loves his neighbor as
himself--if anything little better.--
Bsmark Tribune.
at would delight me to know when
YOU will paw me-" said creditor to Kos
tlurko NiuIDHNs anu II W III
still more to know when ! will be able
TO pay you."-Texas Siftings.
With great propriety, corn doctors
might be called Observation-Disclosures
Times. They are certainly not author
dox, professionally speaking, or IN a lit
erary point of view.-Chicago sun.
John Morley advises English working
men not to read editorials in the London
newspapers. If they were to undertake
such a feat they wouldn't get time to DO
anything else -Norristown Herald.
Many people know just how to do what
they can't do Whitehall Times. They
know how to build castles in the air,
but they can't inhabit them--to save
their souls.-Chicago sun.
England is welcome to our trade dol
lars at their face value, even if she turns
them into poker chips, for nothing less
popular in the shape of coin has ever
heen seen in America-New York Her.
aid
When man trots along whistling in a
rain storm, il is pretty good sign he
wouldn't be proper party to send to a
butcher shop, for he wouldn't know a
disordered liver from porter-house
steak.-Merchant Traveller.
Somewhat so myself: Can you tell
me-" asked Cortland man of a tailor,
"how you came to get this coat so tightY'
"Oh, yes sir. The fact is, that you We're
tight yourself when measured you." y
Marathon Independent.
The Berlin University has student
sixty-nine years old. His valedictory
probably commenced in the usual way
"We are now standing on the threshold
oflife, and peering into the unmapped
future, etc, etc.'-Texas Siffings.
Maker of musical Instruments, cheer
fully rubbing his hands-"There, thank
goodness, the bass fiddle is finished at
last" After a pause-"Ach Himmel if
haven't gone and left the glue pot in
side. Rome Sentinel.
"why don't you get up as early as
you used to few days ago?" angrily
asked wife Of her lazy husband. "Be,
cause, my dear, it's sleep year." he
grinned as he turned over for another
snooze. New York Journal.
The lively Philadelphia Cali imagines
that in the dim and distant future some
antiquary will come across Saratoga
trunk and excitedly exclaim: YES, il
is true, they had giants in those days
Here is one of their houses"
"No, can't do anything with John
said the boys father; 1--WE tried and
tried; but | can't get him round to my
way of thinking" ~ notice." remarked
Fogg, that John is young man OF
original ideas. Boston Transcript.
Young man" writes to learn what
multum in parvo means. "Young man,
did you ever call to see your best girl and
have her cruel father meet YOU at the
door and with one crushing glance say
"Go!" Well, that is multum in parvo
and il is about all you Middle.
town Transcript.