Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-07-14


said when he swallowed the boy.
I-I-I-think I should like testament;
but knoao should like squirt-gun.''
Gossip is said to be the art of putting
two and two together, and making five
of them.
"Ma, what is revenge?' sit is when
your father scolds me, and hit him with
a broomstick"
''The leopard cannot change his spots"
He doesn't need to. The leopard is not
a candidate for office.
When a man and woman are made one,
the question, (Which one?" is a bother
some one until it is settled, as it soon is.
The man who sang, sob, breathe no
more. that simple air." at D1ce retired to
the smoking car, where the air was more
mixed
"The oldest inhabita2t1s usually a
man," says an exchange. But it needn't
be so if women would stand up to their
ages.
Sugar is selling at two cents a pound
in many places in Cuba, and the question
arises what do the grocers adulterate the
sand with?
man who was ill insisted that he was
going to die. After his recovery they ask
if ne really thought he was going to die.
81 knew was, he replied.
She had false teeth and false hair, but
she was rosy-cheeked, bright-eyed and
sweet tempered, and her lover said 'sWith
all thy false, love thee still.''
A Montana Indian is named Woman
shoes. He had seen a Chicago girls feet
as she rode on mule, and he knew at
once that he found great name.
On an occasion when her grandfather
in his haste forgot to ask the blessing,
Dot called out, 'sWhoa! whoa Papa Will
lard, back up and say your prayers"
Some d. d. has advised young writer's
for the press to write always with noble
purpose. Jones says he always does.
His purpose is ten dollars column.
When real shrewd Virginia farmer
wants big tree chopped down and cut
up, he tells the neighbors that there's
coon in it, and they'll have it down in no
time. :
"Now, then, Patrick" said the mer-
chant to his new office boy, s'suppose you
go for the mail.'' "Yis, sor; an what
kind of male wud We be wantin', Indian
male or oat male?"
Farmer (concealing a whip)-"Come
here, Charlie: want to tell you some
thing" Charlie-''Tell it to somebody
else; my pa says there are some things
little boys oughtn't to know"
81 tell you, Bill, no girl can fool me.
If I call on a girl and she don't say much
and acts like she wants me to leave, and
don't shake hands when leave, and don't
ask me to call again, it's very seldom 1
ever call back to see her.
is nothing in the world tenderer than the
pity that kind-hearted young girl has
for young man that feels lonely Oliver
should have felt of the young mans head
before making this statement.
A good story is told of Artemus Ward,
when travelling on a slow-going southern
road soon after the war. When the con-
ductor was punching his ticket Artemus
remarked ''Does this railroad company
allow passengers to give advice, if they
do so in a respectful manner?" The con-
ductor replied in gruff tones that he
guessed SO. "Well," Artemus went on.
sit occurred to me it would be well to
detach the cow-catcher from in front of
the engine, and hitch it to the rear of
the train. For, you see, we are not lia-
Bile to overtake a COW but what's to pre-
vent a cow strolling into this car and bit
ing passenger"