Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-07-31
pITH AND POINT.

| DEBT always grows bigger the more
you contract it.
THE motto for scissors editors-posi-
lively no credit.
| The best prescription for poet-a
composing draft.
BEFORE taking'-the thief on the
lookout for an opportunity.
do YOU think you will shoot any
deer?" was asked of a sportsman going
out for hunt. IF venison of a pun
does you can bet / will, was the reply.
A RELIGIOUS exchange asks: "What
is the mission of the humorous paper ?"
Well, one of its missions seems to be to
furnish material for non-secular Jour
nails to steal bodily.-TeraS SifiiiaQs.
20, PRoFEssoRl" exclaimed senti-
mental old Mrs. Fishwhacker, during a
private organ recital in her new music
room, do pull out that sweet nux
vomica stop once morew
"a FARMERS wife" wants to know I,
we can recommend anything to DESTROY
the common grub" We guess the next
tramp that comes along could oblige
you, if the family can't stand your cook
ing.
BLAcKsMTTHs forge and are allowed to
do it. Carpenters do little counter
lifting and are not molested. While
prominent hardware dealers sell iron
and steel for living.-Carl Pretzeps
Weekly.
"DocToR, my daughter seems to be
getting blind, and she is Just getting
ready for her wedding. Whatever will
she do?' Let her go on, by all means
Ii anything can open her eyes, mar
riage can"
WHERE is the girl of long ago?"
sings Joaquin Miller. We saw her the
other day, Joaq. But she isn't girl
any more. She had gray hair and
wart on her nose, had no teeth, and
wore specks.
The conception of divine will, di-
vlded from that of the human will, in
wolves, like it, localization in space and
time; the willing of each end, excluding
from consciousness for an interval. the
willing of other ends, and therefore be-
ing inconsistent with the omnipresent
activity which simultaneously works an
infinity of ends.-Herbert Spencer.
This is the doggondest advertisement of
hustle mandatory we ever readl We
thought Herbert Spencer was q scient-
lst.-NetCmGn Independent
EPITApHs
Here doth joking barber lie
Who dyed to live yet lived to die
Again he'll turn from grave to gay
II, on thS razor rection day,
The angel Gabriel says he's next
But, if st. Peter him rejects,
Hell light the shavings for Old Nick,
And scrape acquaintance with him quick.
Here lies tailor with his thread
or life cut short Now that he's dead
He'll mend his ways so in the sky
He and his goose can both hang high.
This is the last of the first shoemaker
Who pegged out booting his undertaken
He left Ills wife and children small,
His stOckin trade, and that was awl
For saving soles he was well known;
So we may hope he saved his own.
II. c. Dodge IN Detroit Free Press.
THE OLD ELM TREE.
As
Isat
beneath
an old elm
tree, the wind
went whistling by.
1t bent its boughs
and softly breathed the
following with sigh: II
have lived here for many year
and seen the summer come and 90.
The spring time with its flowers and
rain, the winter wi h its chilling blast,
when white with snow and ice the skies
are overcast IN summer me beneath my
shade have children often played, and oh,
howof beneath my boughs have lovers re-
newed their Zig hted vows, and many time the
old and feeble have sought my shade to smoke
their pipes or ply the needle; and thus it's
been with smiles and tears have watched
them come and 90 for three score years,
and many tae / could tell of
what in that time befell, but age
is creeping DER my head
and j Tear my lots
getting
dead;
and
soon
Tllw-
ither
and
decay
like
those
who sought
my shade each day.
Chicago San.