davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-01-31
American Fables.

A man who had long been known as
man of peace and humility, was one
lay observed carrying home a shot gun.
DO you expect a visit from bu:-
glars? queried q friend who met him.
IN o sir, bought this gun to defend
my rights
What rights9''
~ by, for the last ten years my
front fence has projected ten foot into
the public street. | have now received
notice TO remove i"
And you wOn't?'
Never! am Il citizen who prefers
peace to war. but if am ground into
the dust / shall de ike Il brave man. ="
Mora!.-If there is cold-hloOdeJ
murder the board of public woras viii
be held responsible.
he owner OF q soap factory, who
had been complained OF for keeping 4
nuisance, was terribly put ont at the
charge, and explained to the court:
Your honor. tile odor complained
OF can rot eN.str'
But here are twenty complaints. :"
Yes, but / have worked n my fac
tory for the last twenty years, and III
take my oath that can not detect any
smells
AS q rule. prisoner, replied the
Judge, rs he sharpened his spectacles
ON his bootleg. 1.-The best noses are on
the outside of soap factories. You are
fined $25 and costs.
Moral.--When soap factory and q
school house are at loggerheads, the
school should be removed.
a citizen who had a wide reputation
as an honest, conscientious man, was
unanimously nominated and success
fully elected TO an Office of trust In
the course of a year it was discovered
that he was delaulter to d large
amount, and great was the surprise
thereat.
Why" said one. you had the rep
utation of being a strictly honest man"
Yes, SO l had"
ANY of us would have trusted you
with thousands"
q presume so.
Then how does it come that YOU
have so soon turned embezzIer?"
''My dear friend" calmly replied the
accused, 81 was honest because [ had
no opportunity to steal, and because
no temptations were thrown in my
way. L have sailed down $4,000 of
the public cash, and now what are you
going to do about it?''
Moral.-It is safer to elect a rogue
and make him give bonds than to Sc
lect an honest man and leave the door
unlocked. -Detr0jt Free Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-01-31
Ul-Rewarded For His Courtesy.

A young man wearing 4 cameo pin in
his neck scarf boarded Blocker street
car last evening for 4 ride uptown.
The car was so crowded that he could
not force his way inside, and he took a
place upon the platform. As the car
proceeded on lis way the platform be-
came more and more crowded. Aman
with bandage around his wrist was
one of the last to get aboard.
Hope you'll pardon me, sir" he
said, turning to the young man with
the cameo pin, ''but rs | have recently
broken my arm, and do not want to Get
it injured in this crowd, would you
allow me to rest it upon your shoulder
in order to protect it from injury?"
Certainly" replied the young man.
With painful effort the unfortunate
passenger lifted his arm and rested it
upon his accommodating neighbours
shoulder. When the car had reached
the street at which he desired to stop
he politely thanked the young man
with the cameo pin for his kindness,
and alighted.
The accommodating young man softly
whistled a refrain OF a religious hymn,
as the car proceeded on its way; but
presently he lifted his hand to his neck
to adjust his collar, and discovered that
his cameo pin had been stolen The
polite and afflicted stranger had taken
j, away in his bandages. -Ne1O York.
T1lb3L77P
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-01-31
What They Lost in the War.

During the recent raid on the pen
sion thieves at Washington some start
ling grounds for the issue of pensions
were developed. Men VINO lost q leo
IN contest with q reaping machine
were found in receipt of good fat sums
once a month. But perhaps the most
remarkable claim of the lot was that of
one gentleman, who, on being investi-
gated, asserted that he drew a pension
for what he had actually lost in the
war.
But what did you lose?" demanded
the examiner. You seem to have all
your members and faculties?"
Well" replied the claimant, driven
10 the wall, Il lost my head at Shiloh
and left for homer
Another should have been placed on
the list for the rest of his life at the
highest amount allowed by law.
''What is your claim?" asked the ex-
aminer. ''What did you lose?"
Il lost $3.50 at poker the night before
the battle of Fair Oaks.
An American who had jolly German
friend wished to become acquainted
with the Germans charming wife.
We'll, said the German, ''ofe you
dreat, dot will pc all righdt' After
the treat the German led him over to
where the lady was sitting with num-
Der of friends. KATRINA said the
husband, 'you know dot manP" No."
SAID Katrina modestly. Well dots
hlIn!''
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-01-31
Killed by Kindness.

A physician informed the Providence
Journal that, in a very severe case of
sickness Of child that he was attend
inc, he found that the remedies given
did not have their usual effect, and he
instituted searching inquiry and as
certained that the anxious mother, who
was nursing the child, was in the habit
of giving her everything that callers
suggested, and he demonstrated with
her and finally informed her husband
that he could not consent to continue
in charge of the case unless the mother
would adhere strictly TO his instruc-
tons He was assured that the hus-
band would endeavOr to correct the
fault of his wife, and continued in
charge of the case, but the child died,
and, when the neighbors called to con-
dole with the afflicted mother, she as
Sured them that it was great comfort
to her TO know that she had done all
that she could for the dear departed
child. She gave it everything that was
recommended or that she could think
of, but nothing seemed to do any good,
and she supposed her little daughter s
time had come. at was so to be- -
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-01-31
His Girls Pa.

80 YOU love my daughter-eh?"
''Ye-yes, sir"
''And have you money to support her
in good stvle?"
Il have 100000 in the bank and an
income OF $4,000 per year"
Money in the bank! All! [ see, you
are no tinancier. You should have in
vested in bonds, and doubled your in
terest. For instance, l have securities
paying 10 per cent"
The young man hurries off to get his
cash and buy bonds of his future faith
er-in-law. After he has departed Lucy
enters the library and asks:
Father, did William ask your con-
sent?"
''He did, dear"
'.And YOU said yes?''
No, darling! He has no wealth to
give you station.
But he has $40. 900.
"Oh, no. l just Iaked that in for
bonds that won't be worth ten cents on
the dollar six months hence. | love
you too well to see YOU marry poor
man and have to live in sixth-story
roOms.-PhitadelphiG NeWS.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-01-31
An Indian Hero of Eighty.

Heroes are not all dead. Joseph
Dana is only an Indian, 80 years old,
and. like many others. he sometimes
i'm bi0es in the exhilarating fluid. He
stands about six feet un5ho1, is broad
shouldered, full-chested, carries his
head erect, and has straight spinal
column. On November 10. at about
O clock, he arrived at Lincoln, on a
ride from Lee, a distance of twelve
miles. Being thinly clad he was cold,
and, beng cod, natural y wanted
something warm on the inside. While
in the act OF t,k.ng us inner warming,
tne cry: "A boy in the pon,;! A boy
droWnln-, TIE ice has broken and lots
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-01-31
How the Judge Entered the House

Jefferson's great hight and slender
figure exposed him to much ridicule
from his opponents; his sobriquet with
them was Long Tom" Nothing
could present a more STR king or more
singular contrast than the figures of
Mr.. Jefferson and Gen. Knox, the one
very short, the other lank and lean, and
unusually tall. They happened to meet
one morning on the steps of General
Washington S lodgings. The two gen.
tlemen approached from opposite direc-
tons, and arriving at the same mo-
ment, contest in etiquette took place
between them. The general of the ar
my, and full of its chivalric polite ness,
could not think of passing in before the
co-equal head OF the Department of
State, while the civil officer of the gov
eminent was equally as averse to ia
king precedence of the military, and
they stood for some moments, each
drawing back and waving the other for
ward In the midst of this entertaining
scene the notorious Judge Peters, the
greatest wit Of his day, came up direct
" in front. Perceiving how matters
stood, and casting q sly glance from
one side to the other, he pushed boldly
between them, exclaiming as he passed:
Pardon me, gentlemen, if, in my
haste, dash through thick and thin"
Len Rtrty Poore.
MIR. George Grant, of Meriwether.
Ca. says. counting his grand aud
great--rand and great-grea;- grand
children. he has 105
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02

The press all over the country are dis
cussing GEN. BUTLER, and with few eX-
reptions, not in very complimentary
terms. Now, if they will just let BEN
JAMIN paddle his own canoe, he will
probably land on the right shore. 1t is
not to be presumed that he possesses any
very high admiration for MIR. CLEVE-
LAND or any great antipathy for Mr..
BLAINE, but he has double back action
hatred of the Republican party that will
carry him to any extremes to defeat il.
If he believes that his support of CLEvE-
LAND will well effect that end, then he
will be on that side. If, however, he is
convinced in his own mind, for he has n
mind Of his own, that his candidacy for
the Presidency on the Greenback and
Anti-Monopolists tickets will take
more votes from the Republican than il
will from the Democratic PARTY, he will
accept the nominations. BENJAMIN
don't look two ways for Sunday for
nothing, and when you think he has his
optics directed to one particular course
to pursue, he is probably gazing upon
another route, which he concludes is
more practical and shorter. He is camp
ing ON the Republican trail now and
will have his girdle thicllly hung with
rocking scalps before the canvass is
over
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02
VILE TRIPLICATING.
SWAIN ABOUT TO TAKE A FALL.
His Financial Record Foul with Fraud
All the Facts Against Him-Mor-
row In the Embellishments
cation Very strict.

WASHINGTON, Aug. l.-Mai. Scott,
Judge Advocate of court-martial an
pointed to try Gen. Swain, has prepared
charges upon which that officer is TO ne
called to account. The charges are:
First-COnduct unbecoming an officer
and a gentleman.
SecOnd-Neglect of duty.
The specifications under the first
charge, after reviewing transactions be-
tween General Swain and Banker Bate
man, allege.
First The foreman accepted from
balehnan " co. an acknowledgement of
deposit of 5000, which was a simplc
memorandum, and after withdrawing Mi
nut w. OF that sum he assigned and
transferred the written ACKNOWLEDGE.
ment to the firm of Bright, Humphrey
" Co., and did thereupon knowingly and
lfNudulently seek through said named
urn To compel Bateman n Co. to cash
the 5000 Acknowledgement, thus nj.
tempting To commit fraud upOn tho
said Bateman n Co.
The second specification alleges that
Gen.Swaim improperly Sought;in per-
Sonal interview with Bateman, To eVnde
aud prevent investigation and To obtain
nom him letter relating the charges
preferred.
The third specification alleges that
when grave and serious charges were
referred TO Gen. Swain and had been
puOhcly circulated, he failed to demand
or request investigation by a Court
of Inquiry, but addressed letter
of explanation and denial to the Secre-
tary of War, which was evasive, mcan-
ala and false, and calculated and i'm.
tended to deceive the Secretary of War
IN seven particulars regarding his trans.
actions with Bateman.
The fourth specification alleges that
zen. Swain upon learning that certain
bankers had entered into n continuation
10 secure the reimbursement of Sundry
sums of money advanced by them Ia
Northumberland \. p. Nor
row of the Seventh cavalry
on. fraudulent pay accounts and that the
Nalue OF SAID combination depended up-
on Col. Morrow's immunity from ,rinl
Tor utterances of fraudulent pay ac-
counts did threaten to use his official
position and his knowledge so as
10 cause the dismissal of Morrow
from and to otherwise impSir
the value of the Securities
given by Morrow to bankers unless
they provided for the payment of the
claim of sis held by him (Swaiml
against Morrow.
The second charge, that OF neglect of
duty, is based upou Gen. Swaim's fail.
ure to report the facts or procure the
prosecution of Morrow on the charge of
duplicating pay accounts, when evil
dence of the oiiense came to his knowl-
edge through information received from
Bateman.
~ is understood that further investi-
gatlon Is being made with view of
bringing additional charges against
Gen. Swain. Charges against Col. Nor
row OF. duplicating pay accounts will be
investigated by the same court-martial.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02
tain point, that the closing Of the estab-

tam point, that the closing of the estab-
lishments becomes necessity.
1t is time the laboring men were learn
ing the "true inwardness" of this sub
terfuge; time that mere piece of politi-
cal elap-trap was being exposed. Hardly
Republican stump orator but refers to
the closed mills and men out of work,
and charges the fact TO the Democratic
tampering with and attack upon
organized capital. But in the next
breath he is apt to insist that the coun-
try never before witnessed such univer-
sal prosperity and happiness, and at
tributes it all to the protective tariff.
The truth is, the country is prosper
Gus, and wherever men are doing a eau
tious, legitimate business, whether it be
manufacturing or banking or farming,
they are getting along nicely, and in
deed getting rich, some rapidly, some
slowly. 1t is the over producer who is
suffering. The enormous inducements
to enter the manufacturing field are
held out by the Government until men
and capital rush in and over
leap the bounds of reason. Great
stocks are piled up beyond the wants of
trade, the shops close and their owners
Immediately declare that profits are so
small and times so dun that they can
not run longer.
Then it is the politicians and stump
orators, appealing to the preiudices
rather than the reason of the poor half
onslaved masses, get in their best
work. 1t is the old stereotyped story
that "imported foreign labor" and Dem
ocratic opposition to the tariff are re
sponsble for the hard time, when it is
the reckless oyerproduction of greedy
employers. A Presidential campaign is
the best fall times to shut down, for Il
political coloring can be given the fact.
No element in this country stands so
much in need of change in admins
tration as the laboring element.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02
INDIANA SAVAGES.

That section of country including In
diana, Illinois, Michigan and Western
Ohio, as much as it pretends to decency
and morality, furnishes some of the
most diabolical crimes in the whole
calendar. Not bold, open, manly crimes,
so to speak, but the lowest, most brutal
and most iiendish that we read of from
year to year.
1t was supposed, Notwithstanding this
now apparent fact to the general public,
that at least that section being pro-
gressive, Western, liberal-minded,
would be found always free from the
ancient fanaticism of the blue-law max
ers and witch burners of New England.
To the shame of the people, however,
even so much good cannot be said OF
them.
The cruel whipping of the woman in
Harrison county, Indiana, yesterday
an account of which is published this
morning, would be expected from a
crowd of demons or Apaches, but it is
almost incredible as the work of claw
and order" society in the North, even
though its victim had been the great
"Scarlet Woman" herself
Wonder if the hypocritical and virtu-
Gus prints in that part Of the world will
condemn in proper terms such Il spirit,
such lawlessness and bestial cruelty,
and see in the act the depraved sense Of
Justice, of decency and of manhood
among the people of that township? or
will they continue to reserve their criti-
cisms and abuse for the next crowd of
manly Texans who hang negro rapist
to the nearest tree?
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02
AN OLD DODGE

The first evidence and first fruits of
the great BLAINE and LOGAN "aggres.
sive campaign" are being seen in GER
tain Of the Eastern manufacturing dis
tricts at last. The mills and workshops
are being closed, and hundreds of labor.
ers are being turned out OF employment.
This old game is played upon the eve
and throughout every political campaign
in the East. Tho enthusiastic Republi.
can manufacturers, the millionaire
bosses play their little part in behalf of
the party In power in this way. And in
this cruel way are tire poor half-paid
laborers made TO assist IN keeping the
yoke upon their own necks.
As soon as the mills or shops arc
closed and the employees turned out to
starve for month or so, the cry is
raised that low tariffs and Democratic
attacks upon industrial establishments
render 1t so prohtless and dangerous to
continue to risk capital beyond GER
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02
FRANCE AND CHINA.

II IL be true, as reported, that the
cholera epidemic now raging in France
was carried from Il port in China by a
French vessel, there is a kind of poetic,
retributive justice in the fact. China
could not have sent to her European
bully and oppressor more terrible
avenger than this Asiatic cholera. Des-
olation and death follow in its pathway
with more dreaded strides than in the
track of war even and its victims are
counted by hundreds and even thous-
ands where wars victims are numbered
by tens and hundreds.
Selling upon Tonquin without right or
Justice, or any other pretext than that of
arobber, denying Chinese control over
a virtual province of the empire
and driving the Chinese battalions
back into the interior, these
Frenchmen now demand an indem-
nifty of millions from China for daring TO
protect its own dependencies. The
strange feature in this unholy aggres.
sion against the Celestial Empire is the
fact that other nations have not pro-
tested against it. Germany or Great
Britain could have stopped the trouble
long since, but they seemed to have
sympathized with the robbery and 81
lently looked on, As for the United
States, she wisely refrained from placing
herself in a position to be laughed at
and insulted by France with perfect i'm
punity.
tits to be regretted that the miserable
material in China is wholly unable to re-
sist the French and administer the re-
buke demanded by the situation.
France, in the event of war, will oh
tain, eventually, all she demands.
and probably more, but will
be throughout the contest wholly with
out justification or the sympathy of any
people in the world. She will simply
play the robber because she has In,
power TO do so and nobody strong enougb
to check her will interfere i'm China's
behalf.
In the Northern provinces of China the
people are more warlike and more cana.
bic of resisting the Europeans, but the
want of generals or discipline would
prevent this element from being proner.
ly utilized. France will blockade and
capture the principal Chinese ports, land
a few thousand soldiers, probably pres,
on to Pekin, rout the big mobs that will
oppose their march and force the En-.
PIKE to terms TO rid itselfof the invader
The English invasion will simply lac
repeated.
In the meantime the Chinese messen
ger of death in the South of France will
continue its ravages, and possibly the
climate and the plague in the East may
work in sympathy with IL by thinnino
the ranks of the invading squadrons
but war in the modern sense of the term
will not occur. In addition TO this one.
sided business, as indicated, we NAV OK.
pect to get French accounts exclusively
Fof all transactions at the theatre Of
active hostilities.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02
IRELAND ENDORSED.
COMMITTEES HEADQUARTERS.
Hfcnic at Bonham- Groesbeeck Convention
Primary Meeting-Delegates Sc
lected-Congression Candi-
dates are Nominated.
Ireland Endorsed.

GRoEsBEEcK, Aug. Especial. T.
The Democratic county convention met
here to-day and canvassed the returns
OF the primary election. DR.. A. G. Camp
was declared the nominee for Represen-
tative; L. b. Cobb, County Judge; Il. p.
smith County Attorney; W.T. jackson.
District Clerk; w. P. Brown, County
Clerk; F. NJ. Sellers, Assessor; j. A.
Shrlver, Collector; j. Wood, Treasurer.
n new convention was ordered to
nominate Sheriff, no candidate having
received majority of the votes cast. Il.
\. Bradley and r, NJ. Love are the can
didates.
Resolutions were passed endorsing
the present administration and Instinct
ing for Ireland for Governor; Foster for
floater; Mills for Congress and Bradley
for District Judge. w. Il. DOYLE, l.. L.
roster, W. X. kirkpatrick, j. Nj. Rambo
to the State convention.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02

nc vas -uOaT yrTnss. -,-I-.I. ,r-...,,,.a-
parently in the best of health up to the
ume OF his death. He had been sitting
on the gallery chatting with friends
and at 1880 repaired to his
apartments. A few minutes after
retiring to bed he was seized with vio-
lent mt of coughing, producing rupture
OF blood vessel and profuse hemor-
rhage. Death ensued in about fifteen
minutes. Mr.. Wilson come to Dallas
from New Orleans in the summer of 1882,
and has been in charge of the compress
since that time. The news of his sud
den and untimely death will be a shock
to his many friends. Mr. Wilson leaves
wife, to whom he was only married
some five months ago. His remains
will probably be taken to New Orleans
FOR interment.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02

III is invigorating to pick up an honest
free grass journal once in awhile. The
Texas Pan Handle, one of the most
rdent free-grass papers in the cattle
Cstrict, says: "With free grass our
capitalist stockman will be allowed "a
remain indefinitely and retire easily.
naturally. in good shape after fair warn
ing, and the land that he has bought will
prove good investment; with child.
ren's grass and arbitrary legislation,
he can make no calculation,
and may be driven out at
any time, and his investments
in land will be dead property for years.
Those who advocate the lease laws are
his enemies, aud time will prove il to
him beyond any doubt" This is lust
what the HERALD has always main
tanned. The lease law encourages i'm.
migration to the western counties, and
cattlemen "can make no calculation"
when the actual settlers will drive them
out, and for this reason the lease law is
the enemy Of cattlemen. The purchase
of the school lands at one dollar per
acre, as demanded by the Abilene Cattle
convention, would be good speculation
for the barons, even II they had no cat
Tie tofsod upon the grass.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02
Amputated His Toes.

K. Noll, the foreman of the stone ma
sons at work erecting the fire-proor
building in the courthouse yard, met
with serious accident Yesterday. A
large. stone, which was being lifted into
position, fell on his right foot, mangling
his residence on Polk street. DR.. Beau
mont, the attending physician, found it
necessary to amputate the wounded
members. At last accounts the unforu-
nate man was resting easy.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-08-02
METEOROLOGICAL.
DIR. @. NJ. Pniirrsnn.

MckrNNEY, Aug. Especial. DR..
q. NJ. Patterson, an old and valued citi-
zen of Collin, died to-day and will be
buried Saturday morning, at this place,
by the odd Fellows, of which order he
was an earnest member. At the time of
his death the Doctor was nearly 70 wears
If age and but lately had removed to
Roanoke, Denton county, with the in
teutiOn of making it his future home.
lie leaves n large circle of devoted
lriends.