The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-03-21
WIT AND HUMOR.

We believe it was Boston girl who
remarked that the remains were 'beau-
tifully upholstered. D."
A Boston girl fell in love with gray
haired old man, and some of her ac-
| quaintances were mean enough to say
that she has got the antique craze.
A paten: has been granted in Wash
ington for "hen's nest" The only
wonder is that somebody has not got
patent on the hem Philadelphia Call
A Burlington boy sent for a fifty cent
watch, and received sun-dial. He
has named it Faith" because faith
without works is dead.
A Vermont man has lost a goose
that was said to be 100 years old. 1t
has probably gone to join the Michi-
ganders.
Mrs. Murphy: ''Och, it's awful. Their
paypul what's buried aloive If / be
living whin I'm dead, Pat, don't be af-
ther burying me aloive"
| Taste in dress holds supremacy even
in the far west A Miles City editors
wife wears red TO match her husbands
| nose.
"Killed at q Spelling Bee," is the
heading of sensational item going the
rounds. People will persist in wrest-
ling with words that are too hard for
them.
II know the man who pokes fun at
my visual infirmities," said the man in
spectacles. "He's chap that goes
about with an ear-trumpet and What
dye say"
A New York man has asked for di-
| vorce because n mustache is sprouting
on his wife's lip. AS rule, it makes
man mad to have any mustachc on
his wife's lip but his own.
The game in Wall street: "Simon
says up; Simon says down; Simon says
wiggle-waggle." His name isn't Simon,
though, and he usually says down"
Puck
Civilization, on her luminous wings
scars in the direction of Reno, New"
says the Sacramento Bee. "The squaws
in that vicinity have taken to using
face powder.
Mrs. Brown--"And so your husband
lost his leg. Isn't it awfulp" Wife
"You may well say it. And it was only
last week that he bought new pair of
boots-a pair, Mrs. Brown"
A Boston letter-writer says that the
paid Tennyson $1,000 for his "new
poem" Softening of the brain all
around. Teas Sytings.
The word .'obey'' has been stricken
from the marriage service hy Canada
Methodists. This is right The women
won't obey, and there is no use encour-
aging them to commit perjury.
The Koran says, God is with the
patient After the doctor is called in,
however, it often happens that the pa
tient is with his God. -Boston Tran
script.
A Philadelphia man stopped using
gas and bought lamps instead. The
very first night lamp was upset by
the cat and the house burned down.
Moral-Don't keep cats.
Daughter-Arc all men brutes, man.
map Mamma-No, my dear; but some
are. Daughtcr-Which ones are the
brutes, mamma? Mamma-The mar
ried ones, my dear.
Utan paper uses the words mel
low drama" four times in reviewing u
theatrical performance given in its
town. The critic evidently took
mellow dram or two before he wrote
the review.
"Do birds think?'' asks writer in
opening current article. If they do
we would like to know what n canary
thinks of the fat woman who stands up
in chair and talks baby" through
the brass wires of its cage.
The wedding service has been 50 ar
ranged that the bride responds to the
usual questions after the groom has re-
sponded. So we see even in the outset
of married life woman is bound to have
the last word.
Many man who would roll up his
eyes in terror ut the idea of stealing q