Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-15
Tribune TWINKLEs.

TRIBUNE T"1NAAE10s
EASTERN papers report that even the motor has
now lost faith in Mr.. Keely.
TT il said that Mrs. Hayes chickens are afraid
of Rutherford, Has he such q clerical look as
that?
A OH1cAco girl threatens to box the ears OF an
editor of that city. What thrill OF life th's
would infuse into the lunlber market!
lri claimed that jackass will live longer in
the aouth than in the north. This is why 80
manv isckasses fly to Florida every year.
PHILADELPHIA paper is bowling for more
national holidays. Some people would make
tbi. life one grand, patriotic drunk it they
could.
BARsux's white elephant is pronounced .
humbue. It will be hard to make the people
believe that Mr.. Barnum would countenance
humbug in any form.
LOUISVILLE paper heads its parsgraphic
department, Distilled Thoughts" Some Mil
waukee paper will now fall into line with
"Brewed Reflections"
AFREncHMAN recently shot himself because
he was in love with twenty women. He feared
that his affections might go little too far in
time. and chose death instead.
VERY homely and rough Irishnan who owns
O.0OO head of sheep has just married beauti-
ful heiress in Texas. She didn't marry him 1or
lova. She got "shtuck on bis shape"
THr fact that some one threw quart OF beer
at the Duke of Albany has aroused the anger OF
the people all over England. 1t makes them
mad to think 80 much beer was wasted'
Tur reason has at last leaked out why that
M;nneapolis editor wrote such q TRADE on the
frequency of national holidays Inere Is q OIL
collector named Christmas down there
A Nrw YORK paper asserts that the devils IN
the lower regions dance with glee when the eie-
v.ted railway managers are dividing their profits
Th. name should be ohangedto the Hell oVated
Railway"
AsAN FRANCISCO man was 1ecently 1oono
dead with bottle of water clutched IN MS nerve
lea. hand. He hal probably in q thoughtiess
moment taken q swallow of it and the snook
proved too much for him.
CORRESPONDENT writes to the Philadelpha
Gall: "What makes me dream OF alllgators anu
lizards every night? also talk in my Sleep
Ssv. Mr.. Editor, didn't that communication
come from Glendive, Montana? II 1t dld we
can answer it. -
ANEW song which is becoming popular in the
east, begins: 80 ..
"How prone the people seem to be. .,
To Jump on a man when he's down."
The ,nthor ia unknown, but Ben Butler ls
suspected.
A porr1oA1, contributor to New York paper
WAS arrested for crime, and published a caro-
asking for the prayers of those who nao oeen
readers of his effuslons. A sho1t time atter-
wards he was sentenced to the penitentlary tof
twenty wears. The prayers were answered.
A RITZ, has been introduced in the Wyoming
lep,slature to impose tax on lawyers and BACH
j elors. After its passage, all of these animals
found without license tag on the ooliar' Will
be impounded and shot.
WASHINGTON paper says there is marked
Improvement in the society OF that city tn's
winter. 1t is pleasant to note that the Dako'a
DELEGATION is exerting such refined influence
over the savages back there.
AmAN has been arrested in Austria for killing
a number of hotel cooks. 1t he can secure
iurv of persons who have had occasion to travel
in Austria, he can make a plea of self defense
work very satisfactorily.
HENRY BERaH is an old bachelor, and if he Is
allowed to drift through leap year in the same
deplorable condition he will probably cause the
arrest of every single woman of his acqualnt-
i snce for cruelty to an animal.
The papers are now talking about Mrs. Lang
try's Observation-Disclosures fortu-
t,atelv the old gentleman is dead and cannot be
In the least annoyed by the notoriety into wn'on
|hls name is being dragged.
THE wife of q boarder at one of our hotels
rbalted her husband over the head with WASH
howl the other day. When his friends ask MIN
chat a;ls his head, he mutters, "Inaammatory
room-mate-ism," and adroitly guides the con-
na-..t;on into another channel.
HENRY WARD BEEoHER has double, and
doesn't know whether he is himself or the other
fallow. He is anxious to trace himself up, Tor
- he il the other fellow and the other fellow IL
the preacher, Henry proposes to have lots OF
fnn tlat would look frivolous and queer in
ominister.
Jnsr at the time those eastern philanthropists
heoan to think the aborigine was becoming civ
;,;zed. lot of western Indians organized brass
h.nd. This will probably destroy the last glim-
,,erine ray of hope which has tried to sparkle
:, the pious breasts Of those who are eternally
h.rnino on "the poor, abused 1ndian!"
THr shortest and most expressive poem ever
vritten was sent by Bismarck girl in response
: . note from her adored one asking If he could
q, On certain evening. The poem runs in
his way: go,
Yum-yum!