The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1884-08-21
HUMOROUS.

Getting rich on light protits-The
gas companies
Scissors grinders generally drive a
sharp bargain,
The tallow.dip swallowers of Russia
are what might be called light eaters.
Darwin says there is living prin-
ciple IN fruit We suppose he refers
to the worms.
When a man is about to sneeze he
had rather do that than anything else
in the world.
am at your service, madam" said
the polite burglar, when caught with
his arms full of silveeware.
Little jack "My mammals new
fan is hand-painted." Little Dick:
Pooh! Who cares? Our whole
fence is"
Father-"l never imagined that
your studies would cost me so much
money" Student-"Yes, and | don't
study much, either"
A Frenchman is trying to teach a
donkey to talk. What we want in
this country is man who will teach
donkeys not to talk.
Dear mev' said lady the other
evening. how the china craze is
growing! Here's New York club
that is paying $4,000 for pitcher
Not as broad as it is long: Sleeping
car conductor-"You can roll in when
ever you want to-" Fat man--"Yes,
and roll out when l don't want to-
A "victim" declares that when
man is sitting still, steadfastly gazing
at nothing, his wife has not word to
say to him; but as soon as he picks up
newspaper or book to read she
takes long breath and almost browns
him with an avalanche of questions.
A cookery book says, always smell
a salt Goldfish before buying it." This
seems like unnecessary advice. as a
man cannot help smelling Goldfish un-
less he has cold in his head.
The body of a man with apencil be-
hind his ear, pair Of shears in his
right hand, and his pockets filled with
gold, has been excavated at Pompeii.
He is supposed to have been a tailor
who advertised well.
as your mother in?" asked visitor
of little Mormon boy who opened the
door. "No, ma'am," the little boy re-
piled. with tears in his eyes Che had
just been spanked), 'but my brothers
mother is in
A man whose knowledge is based
on actual experience says that, when
calling on their sweethearts, young
men should carry affection in their
hearts, perfection in their manners
and confection in their pockets.
"What lovely face Mrs. Anger has
in reposel Perfectly beautiful. don't
you think SOP" II can't say. never
saw it in repose.' Indeed! Do you
know the lady very well?" Il ought
to. I'm her husband"
Doctor Paley, having been out fish.
ing for whole day. was asked on his
return if he had met with good
sport. "Oh, yes" he answered, Il have
caught no fish, but l have male a
sermon"
Doctor (engaged six months after
the death of his first wife) soliloquiz-
ing over letter-"This is better She
addresses me as you dear, darling
duck My first wife used to speak of
me as that nasty old quackr"
A great deal of surprise has been
expressed because the Vassar girls get
away with 2,400 pancakes at ono
breakfast. 1t should be mentioned,
however, in justice to the young
ladies, that they do not do their own
cooking.
"Jones is miserly man, but is very
pleasant, said Brown. "Yes," replied
Smith. "but it is his miserliness that
makes him so pleasant" "How's
that?' why, don't you see, he hates
to lose anything. and therefore k,eps
his temper"