Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-03-30
THE HOME MADE DUDE.
The Boss BARRIERS Opinion of Men Who
Part Their Hair in the Middle.


LctfOts fTee 1FeSS.
''DO they make you tired?V
''Well, l should hump
The question and its metaphorical but
vigorously expressive answer were in
spired by the presence Of a Detroit dude
"a genuine specimen of the species in a
GrisWOld street barber shop. The person
who propOunded the question was gentle
man who subsequently explained that
the sight of a dude or even a dudeling
(whO merely parts his hair in the middle J,
mad almost as marked an effect on him as
water has On dog affected with hydro.
phobia.
II git quite procesh of them things in
my chair" continued the barber, with a
curious nervous movement cross be-
tween a chuckle and a shudder-''but
jest as sOOn's warm weather comes I'm
goln' to rattle 'em out, now don't you for
get it,
Why? Are they not profitable Gus
tomersT"
mot much! There's that little Teller
that jest went out. We call him Lizzie
here in the shOp-when he amt around
because he's more like a girl gOin' to her
first ball than a man. | don't 'spOse he's
mOre'n 20 wears Old, but his git-up's a
killer. He come in here the night OF the
swell skatin' party at McQuade's rink,
with claw-hammer coat on under a
taller new market you know J, that pretty
nearly dragged on the ground, a white
handkerchief spread out under his vest,
and the darndest tOothpicky pair of tooth
pick shoes on / ever got OntO-and Eve
seen some tough ones In my time. l was
Waitin' on customer, and so this teller
he set set down in that very chair you're
in now, hauled out Il One-eyed eye-glass,
stuck il into his right eye, screwed up the
right-hand corner OF his mouth and made
out s if he was readin'. MIR. Merry
weather, there, laughed so much he's been
sick ever sence.
%When / got through with my regular
customer l tried to fish up an excuse to
git out Of the shop, but the dude got onto
me and l was stuck. | had to bang his
hair, then part it down the middle little
ways and then plaster it and bring the
ear-lOcks forward. After that be wanted
a hand-glass, and then | had to arch up
his eye brows, which he wouldn't let me
do till he'd stuck that One-eyed glass in
agin."
"Well. YOU made at least a dollar on the
jobw
Got jest twenty-five cents. Why,
every time that teller and his kind comes
around they want the ends of their hair
trimmed and don't never want to pay.
mOre'n ten cents for it. either.'
what IS your observation with respect
to the intellectual strength of men who
part their hair in the middle|'
ooh, that depends. We git Canucks
and Englishmen here sometimes who do
that ana yet who seem 10 have horse
sense; but when it comes to our own
country folks Americans, 1 mean, not
Africans, the tellers that part their hair
III the middle don't amount to hill of
beans-can't talk about anything but
clothes and hair oil with now N then an
exception bout gals he knOWed was dead
gone on MIN, and I'll bet money not one
vi 'em could tell to save his soul when the
Maytlower come over or whether Abe
Lincoln or Bismarck issued the enamel
patton proclamation"
Here Mr.. Merryweather seized the OPP
pOrtunity to remark that "nOne o. them
dudes dast go to the roller skatin' Kinks
tor fear all the ladies' ID be alter 'em TO
skate fast music, and that d sweat their
bangs all out"
''S-s-s-h!' commanded the boss as an
other dudelet swung open the door and
came simpering along to the enemy's
chair.
The boss winked wickedly, Mr. Merry
weather stuffed one fist into his mouth,
the historian of the episode paid for two
weeks shines and the curtain dropped,