The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1884-07-24
LOOKS AT FAMILY FACES.
What a Humorist Saw in a
Photograph Album.
How He Founderod after Wading through
Twenty-nine of its Fages.

She was serious sort of woman
Mrs. Squaretop, and never smiled at
my feeble joke as she handed me the
album to look over until her husband
came in from the field. l had just en-
gagged summer board.
am man accustomed to family
photographs. You can't fool Inc on
them. I have sat up with them from
Halifax to Denver and 1 know them
by name and sight. Pa and ma, and
that's grandpa and that's grandma and
here's Uncle George and this
is an aunt Of pas, she's very
wealthy and fas no children and pa is
her favorite nephew; and this is a
young lady l went to school with and
this is brother Henry and this is cousin
Sue and this is Aunt Hattie's baby and
this is young man Henry went to
school with, and-do you know who
this is? All, you, now l won't listen
to another word, it amt bit like me
anyhow, it's horrid, and this is pas
clerk and this is-te, he, he-a young
man--no, l won't tell you his name, he
lives in Kickapoo, and this is oh, my
son, you can't strand me on photo
graph albums. l know just where the
family ends and the strangers file in.
So 1 praised everybody's ugly, fiat,
expressionless. staring, stupid mug in
Mrs. Squaretop's album, and l hit
everything all right on the first and
second quarter, and was coming along
splendidly, and drew up on the stran-
gers just about in sight of the distance
pole, and I usually feel a little tired
then, and rest myself on the strangers.
"And who," l said, airily, "is the
placid old fcN al, who had her face
ironed out while it was soft?"
"That was Mr.. Squaretop's mother"
Mrs. Squaretop said, half smiling, and
/ felt elated. Evidently the old lady
was not so placid as she looked.
"And old Before taking" l said,
"this forlorn old ghost just disappear
ing into his shady collar?"
That was Mr.. Squaretop's great un-
Gle. a grand old man, one of the signers
Of the declaration of independence.
That is, he would have signed it, she
explained, only the soliciting commit
tee got all tine signatures they wanted
just before they got to him. l had
struck snag, but not bad one. The
uncle was out of place, anyhow. lie
ought to be run down. laughed and
said:
"This old boy who has just been
blown up in powder mill-did his
friends know that he contemplated
this photograph
That was her fathers cousin who
was very dear to her. 1t has always
been considered by good judges an ex-
cellent picture. She said it again, and
left out the good and placed the en-
phasis on plain, unadornel judges.
Somehow l wished she wouldn't
Inext found pirate stricken with
rcmorse," which proved to be her half
brother, whom she loved more dearly
than any Of her own brothers, and then
l tried to even up by praising the
angelic face on the opposite page. All,
there was face for a man to love.
there was countenance to shine in a
mans home and his heart like sun
light--ah-h!
1t was Mr.. Squaretop's first wife.
Then l went at it again and tried to
check the falling thermometer by say
ing that the imbecile with the curly
hair would look less like an ass if he
had simply had his hat photographed,
as tnat was evidently what he had
borrowed that silk tile for, but as the
imbecile was Mrs. Squaretop's dearest
cousin, it was a failure, and l settled
down for final effort on "the squad
with the snub nose," and wondered
If he had as many brains as he had
buttons and freckles, adding that it
was marvellous how awfuliy black
red hair always took in a photograph
1t was Mrs. Squaretop's eldest son.
now at West Point, and l was
greatly relieved by the opportune
entrance of Mr.. Squaretop, sr., at
hat moment. He bowed and
waited for an introduction. l got
It.
"This was Mr-ah-" she said.
"Featherly," l said, bowling.
"Leatherhead," she accepted sweet
"; che came to look at the two rooms
N the south wing. but ] think they
will hardly suit him. They are scarce
y airy enough.
l didn't want them to think l was
running away or was frightened, and
so l sauntered down the road after l
said good-by, with slow motions, but
taking awful strides. So l wasn't five
hundred yards down the road before
Mr.. Squaretop emerged over the or
.hard fence, calling on me to stop a
minute. He might as well have asked
me to stop whole week. A man clad
in the habiliments of the plowboy is
not arrayed for foot-race. and before
l was quite across the county line he
h I'D 1ivan nm tha chase