Orange County observer. [volume] (Hillsborough, N.C.) 1880-1918, 1884-03-15
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
Words OF WISDOM FROM PARADISE
HALL,
The President Gives Coed Advice -BrstAev
Gardner's Hlodeoty.
lTrom the Detroit Free Press

urom the Detroit Free Press-l
After the stove-pipe had been knocked
down by the efforts OF Giveadam Jones
to rest both his feet on the hearth at
once and Judge Cajaver, Pickles Smith
and Blossom johnson had herolcally re-
stored it to place Brother Gardner arose
and said
Zone great cause OF human misery
am de fack that mankind expects too
much of Providence. Take de case oh
Elder Toots, fur instance. Fur de last
sixty vars he has been waitin' fur Prov
idence to stop the leaks in his cabin roof
an he am waitin' yit. He somehow ex-
pecks dat Providence am going to furnish
him pie an cake an, oyster soup, an
when he sots down to cold 'taters an
tuf meat he feels as if be had beer
wrOnged.
take de case Of Bradawl Jalap. He
has allns had de idea dat he would some
day be rich, an as a conscience be sots
on dc fence an plans new houses, an
drives fast HOSES, an wars good clothes
while his wife goes ragged, and his chill
dren have cold toes. What he might
aim by honest labor he won't arm, be-
kase he hopes to git a fortune widout
work.
II tell you, my frens, de man who
waits fur tO-morrer to sharpen his Ak,
am sartin to do poor chopin. De man
who sots on de fence to wait fur a legacy
will h'ar his wife scrapin' de bottom OBJ
lie hour barrel cherry day in de week. De
man who let's himself believe dat de
world owes him a libin' am gwine 10 eat
some mi hty poo fodder afore he dies.
De world doan' owe nobody muffin. We
am put heah to sot an starve or git up
n dust. Providence won't pay house
rent, buy our Eaters or keep de cook
stove hot. Let us now purceed to biz
ness"
Sir Isaac Walpole desired to state be-
fore passing the bcan-box that he started
ont in life with the feeling that he would
find a lost wallet containing $40, 900.
The idea lasted him until he was obliged
to wear a suit made Of coffee-sacking,
and until he was reduced in flesh from
1877 to ninety-eight pounds. he then
kicked himself all over the back yard
nd went to work.
o mi
The reading Of the following COM
munication from Kalamazoo, Mich,
created the utmost confusion:
"BKOTHER GARDNER, Lime-Kiln Club:
eve, the undersigned, members of the
Ebony Club, do most respectfully re-
quest that you will give your sanction
to the erection of q statue of yourself, as
a companion to the Bartholdi statue,
the statue to be Of carved hickory, rest
ing on q pedestal Of Portland cement,
the statue to be lighted at the top with
coon's oil, pumped up by a windmill.
The height Of the statue, including ped
estal, TO be 729 feet two and one-quarter
inches. with an inscription carved in
cast iron at the base large enough to be
seen ten miles reading: Wisdom Civ
ing Light to the World We suggest
that the subscriptions to the statue be
limited to a half cent for each person,
thus giving colored people all a chance
to aid this splendid work of art.
"Bildad Doodle, Purloin Fowl, Mid.
night Black, Inky Pitch, Vulcan Cane,
Harrison Scraggs, Jordan Bats, Opaque
Cole, Darkness Spades, Worldly Bales
Liberia Case, Ivory Wilks. And 27e
others"
For two or three minutes the uproal
was SO great that pedestrians on the
street below halted in terror, and one ex
cited individual tore q letter-bo1 off
lamp-post in his frantic efforts to sounc
a fire alarm. When the President ha(
finally commanded silence it could b.
seen that he was considerably overcome
and there was q trembling in his voic.
rs he said:
''Gem'len, to say dat l feel !fatteret
an proud an dizzy am not saying hal
'nnf, hut l hope de ideah of SIGH
statue will go no furder. All l want an
to lib quietly an softly, an to die wild
out storpin' lie City Hall clock or turn
IN out de fab department. From d.
bottom of my heart I thank de Ebon,
Club, but at de same time request it t,
take no furder steps"
A Foolish Joke.