The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1884-07-23
s. w. LANGHORNE, EDITOR.
The Previous Bad Boy.

The Previous Bad Boy.
What has your pa got his head tied
up so for ?" asked the grocery man of
the bad boy, as he came in the store
with pair of big yarn mittens on, and
took up an apple with his mouth. his
hands seeming to be helpless, ''and what
ails your own hands? should think
you had been on a Fourth of July
drunk"
1--WE haven't been drunk, at least only
as drunk as person can get on lemon
ade. But we have had serious acci-
ient," said the boy, as he held the apple
on his arm while he chewed a piece Of
it. "You see, pa is very patriotic, and
he likes to celebrate the glorious Fourth.
He bought a lot of fireworks and invited
the minister's family and lot of the
deacons' families over to our house, on
the evening of the Fourth, to see him set
off the fireworks in the yard. He said
he would point the rockets the other
way. 80 the sticks would fall upon the
just as well as the unjust neighbors. Pa
wouldn't let me touch the fireworks.
cause he said onlygrown up men should
handle such things, and he knew all
about it. The folks all got out in the
yard, the minister in hammock, his
wife in lawn chair near the hammock,
swinging him, ma on the outside cellar
door, the deacons and their families scat
tered around in chairs and on the
ground, and my chum and me in a swing.
Pa fixed a board to shoot rockets from,
and had box full of fireworks behind a
tree, and after telling the ladies to be
quiet he fixed rocket on the board, put
lot of Roman candles in his coat-tail
pocket, gave a few candles to the minis
ter, who laid them down beside him in
the hammock. and when all was ready
pa touched off the rocket Ishall always
think pa put the rocket on the board
wrong side up. Anyway, it "whished,' y
and bursted, and scattered all over our
yard, the stick struck ma, who was on
the cellar door, in the polonaise, and she
yelled and the cellar door fell and let
her down cellar. The rocket filled the
box of fireworks with fire, and they all
began to grof q once, and such noise
and stampede never heard. The Roman
candles in pas coat tail pockets began to
90 off and shoot colored balls up under
his coat and down his trousers, and he
yelled that he was stabbed and called fol
water. The pin wheels began to fly
around. and one of them got in the ham,
mock with the minister, and touched of
his Roman candles, and he got so scared
he couldn't get out Of the hammock, and
he just laid there and yelled. He
thought he was dead and had made q
mistake and got to the wrong hereafter
and he didn't seem to realize what was
up until a nigger chaser got after his
wife, chased her around tree and wen,
into her stocking, when she jumped right
into the hammock on top of the minister
and said, % Lord, save me- and thai
tipped the hammock over and spilled
both of them out on the ground into
some red fire that was burning. By tina
time the rockets in the box got to goinl
and they went off among the deacon
and their wives, and the sticks flew
everywhere, and some of these cannon
fire crackers got their tails atire, am
they went of, and the folks just lait
down and blatted. Every few minute
some new fire works would catch fire
and run among the guests, and pa sav
me and my chum in the swing and said
Turn the hose on u.s. So grabbed tn
garden hose which was wetting down thu
lawn 'tother side of the house, and IN
and my chum played fire engine and We
the whole party till ali the fire was ont
and then they all jawed pa cause h
didn't know anything. Ma wasn't hui
at all only scared, and We found he
down cellar where she had crawled i'm
der the kindling wood. Pa had some IT
freshments on table ON the verand;
that he was going to treat the crow
with, but pin wheel got in pail of lem
onade and a niger chaser followed
and chased the pin wheel and lemon
around until the lemonade smelled lik
| a gun that is breech-burnt and rocke
went in the ice cream freezer and ex
ploded and throwed ice cream all owe
the side of the house just like mortal
and bunch If fire crackers went off i
the cake ba sket and spoiled the favor {
the cake After the fire was out and "
stopped playing the hose on them, W
found that nobody was burned excel
pa and me, and his forehead and hai
was singed and my hands were burne
putting out the minister's wife. Th
minister's coat was spoiled, and his viii
lost one stocking, but they were M
hurt. Pa went in the house to put som
sweet oil on his head, and he got int
the bottle Of prepared glue by mistak,
and his hair is glued down to his hea,
and became hard, 40 it sounds like
board when he hits it with his knuckle
| and that is what his head is tied up 70
Ma says it will take six weeks to soa
that glue off pas head. Say, do yo
think it is right for pa to lay it to me
He says if me and my chum had bee
standing over that box with the hose
we ought to have been, instead of 'el
joying ourselves in the swing, we coul
have saved all the trouble, and then !
says if I hadn't changed the glue I'M
the sweet oil bottle, his head woul,ln
have been stuck up so. 1t just seems
me everything is laid to me-"
"Well, it seems as though your pre-
ence anywhere was a bad omen." sa
Y the groceryman. "YOu seem to be
regular Jonah"
II never swallowed a whale in Il
whole course Of my life" as he went o
looking for bis chum.