Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1884-05-22
The Editor Of a Local Paper.

and will be satisfied with nothing
short of it, it is the position of local
paper.
In the first place, he must know
everybody's peculiarities. and be
cognizant of all their faults and fail
ings, and the faults and failings of
their grandfathers, and grandmothers,
and cousins, and aunts, and mothers
in-law, else he will be liable to get
something into his paper which will
hurt somebody's feelings.
He must print everything sent by
an old subscriber. If a man SUBJ
scribes for his paper he claims a
right to give his views on hen-raising,
and pig-killing, and theology, and
the moral aspect of dancing-no mat
ter if he cannot spell pig correctly,
and does not know of single case
where some beautiful young lady
dropped dead in ball room!
The local editor is expected to give
every man, and every mans busi-
ness, a gratuitous puff. If Mr.. A. is
painting his house it must be men,
toned in the paper; and if Mrs. B.
has Gala lily in blossom she wants
the momentous fact set before the
public in printers ink, headed with
capitals.
When Jones kills hog weighing
four hundred and fifty that must be
chronicled; and when Brown dis
patches another, weighing four hun
dred and sixty, that must be put in
type; and so on through the list of
all the other big porkers in town.
When there is wedding the local
paper must publish list of the salt
cellars, and butter-dishes, and soup
ladies', and photograph albums, be-
slowed by the loving friends; and if
he does the thing up in good style,
and remarks feelingly on the beauty
of the bride, he will be rewarded with
slice of spiced brick-bat, frosted
with hardtack, yclept wedding cake
and if he eats it he will need to take
box of pills, and two or three bot.
ties of sarsaparilla before he Is well
over it.
The local editor must never indulge
in personalities. He must pass light
ly over the fact that young jenkins
the son of the rich Squire jenkins
was arrested for drunkenness and h'
must not allude to the fact that Dea
con Grimes, who gives so much fo
the support of religion, made hi
money by light weights and measures
He must always be ready to Civ
copies of his paper to his friends t.
send to their friends. He must no
think of asking anything, if anybod.
| he IS acquainted with invents new
tangled nutmeg crater and wants
noticed.
He mustn't charge more than on
dollar and fifty cents year for hi
paper. He must never send out bill
Ito his subscribers. He must wa
patiently till they get ready to sett]
their accounts. To send bills looh
just as If he was afraid he might NJ
|get his pay.
Every issue of his paper must su
everybody. 1t must contain all tt
news. 1t must omit nothing fresl
There must be at least two murder
three divorces. and one suicide,
each number, or the paper will
thrown down as fiat and stale. \
life in it. So stupid!
1t must not contain topographic
errors. 1t must print all the poet
sent by all the aspiring young poete
ses in that section; and if the kiss
J should be printed Kisses, and Il
shouts should be printed snouts.
which will sometimes happen VIII
the MS. is lllegible-then that editor
fate is sealed, and the success Of /
n paper is ruined, for she will neve
n never send him another effusion
long as she lives. No, indeed!
The local editor has a hard row
hoe; and if he is neutral in politi
and religion, it is still harder. B
let him brace up and do his best,
everybody knows that if fame dc
not come to him so soon as he {
poets, fortune is on the way to him
he waits long enough for it to res
him. For there is no surer way
become a millionaire than to publ
a 1ooo1 nopar