News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-03

have Joined the silent majority ?'
''Poor man, he's married. ."-1ferchan
| Traveller.
THE BAD BOYS LAST CAPEh.
"Whats that ?" said the groceryman,
turning pale and starting for the door,
where he found woodsawyer taking a
pear. "Get away from there" and he
drove the woodsawyer away and came in
with sign in his hand, on which was
painted, "Take one." "I pointed that
sign and put it on pile of chromos of a
new clothes wringer, for people to take
one, and by gum, the wind has blown
that sign over on to the basket of pears,
and suppose every darn fool that has
passed this morning has taken pear,
and there goes the profits on the whole
days business. Say, you didn't change
that sign, did your" and the grocery
man looked at the bad boy with a glance
that was full of lurking suspicion.
''No, sir-ree," said the boy, as he
wiped the pear juice off his face on
piece of tea paper, 81 have quit all
kinds of foolishness, and wouldn't play
o joke on a craven image. ."-Peck'S San.
sHoDDY ARIsTocRAoY.
"Miriah, I am shocked that you should
even think of having those Simpkins
girls as bridesmaids at your wedding. !"
"Why, mamma, they are two of the
sweetest, incest, most highly-cultivated
young ladies in the city. They have
travelled all over the globe and are re-
ceived everywhere"
s'But just think, Mlriah, of the stigma
which attaches 10 them. Before the
war their father, who afterward got rich
on an army contract, lived on farm and
actually made and sold butter. Just
think of it !"
''But does not my father make and
sell butter, too?'
''No, indeed. Why, you shock me
How could you think of such thing ?
Your father is a manufacturer, and the
product he manufactures is not vulgar
butter, but oleomargarine - highly
priced and very important article of
- --PtiLadeEphiG call.
HE TRIED THE PASS.
A few days ago man with a meek
AID humble expression and wearing
summer suit of clothes applied to one of
the railroad passenger agents for dead
head pass to Toledo.
'Why do you want to go to Toledo?"
''To git married. !"
"And you haven't any money!"
'sNot above twenty-five cents"
"Hadn't you better be worth your fare
to Toledo before taking wife on your
hands to support?"
s'You don't understand the case" pro-
tested the man, "I'm going to marry a
widow worth at least $1,000, and the
first thing I shall do will be to remit you
the price of ticket. I'm poor and the
widow knows it, but she marries me for
love-"
He protested so long and earnestly
that he was finally passed down the
road. Two days elapsed and then let
ter was received from him, saying:
Heaven bless you for your kindness
Reached here all right, and married the
widow according to programme. 1t
turns out she isn't worth a copper. In
tLis emergency may 1 ask you to pass MS
both to Detroit, where I have hopes of
striking job ?"-Detroit Free Press.
HEARD IN A HOTEL.
''Who is that man, papa?"
"He is one of our city fathers"
''What is he doing?'
"He is trying to get his dinner charged
to the city account.
els he not able to pay for his own
'ood?"
Perhaps; but it is not the usual way
of doing business.
evil he succeed in converting the
clerk to his way of thinking?"
"Not this time"
els he what you call trusted city
1ficial ?"
"He was, but he got trusted too
much; he pays cash now for his meals
,r gets them somewhere else"
"Wil he go home?"
''No, he prefers to go hungry"
'Perhaps he will go to work ?
eyes, working the free lunch route,
according to slang parlance."
eyes, papa, but I thought it was the
proprietor of the hotel who had worked
the free lunch route, and" '''D
"My child, when you are older you
will know more. No more of this sub
iect. Boston Courier.
STRIKE IN CHICAGO.
The proprietor of Chicago paper
was sitting in his private office when
boy from upstairs opened the door and
that strike had just been
"Great Scott p exclaimed the propri-
etor, turning to-the boy. "Whats the
matter with the printers this time"
'It's not the printers" he replied;
'it's the editors. The hull staff has
struck.
"Oh," said the proprietor, with sigh |
Of relief. ''I thought it was the print
ers. Tell them their demands are not |
with, and then go to the post
office and get the exchanges. 1t won't !
take me long to write editorials enough |
10 last month. I don't need editors,
Philadelphia CaLL
WHAT CAUSED TT.
Little NelI-"What is oatmeal made |
of, mamma ?"
"Mamma-"It is made of oats, my
child"
Little Nell-"Oats? Why, that's
what they feed to horses"
Mamma-"Yes, dear"
Little Nell-''No wonder I'm so awful
hoarge."