davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19
Mamma Gets Tired,


What is in those big brown paper
packages that came today, mamma ?"
"Oh, nothing, child; nothing but
but soap
"Then why don't you let me see it ?"
81 don't want to open them until
washday."
but Jane is out of soap and is go
ing to the grocery to get some 2"
II forgot. 1t is not soap in those
bundles, but starch.
"When does Christmas come, nam
ma p
Next week"
"Who bring the presents ?"
Santa Claus
"IIow did he get in :"
Comes down the chimney
"But we have no chimney in the
parlor where the Christmas tree is to
be-
mo, l forgot; he comes up the heat
er flue,'
"But how does he get through the
little holes 2"
"IIe is very small, and can squeeze
through anywhere"
"But dolls and carriages and drum'
and sleds are not small, How does hC
get them through ~
"Oh please don't bother any more
mamma is tired,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19
Stories Of the War.
TOLD BY A WRITER IN 'THE CENTURY
FOR DECEMBER.

While we were in camp at Wash
ington in 1862, we were drilled to an
extent which to the raw shrinking sol
dier" seemed unnecessary. Our col
onel was strict dsciplinarian. His
efforts to drill out Of us the methods of
action and thought common to citi-
zens, and to substitute in place thereof,
blind, unquestioning obedience to mill
tary rules. were not always apprecia
ted al their true value. In my compa
NY was an old drill-sergeant Qet us
call him Sergeant Hackett) who was in
sympathetic accord with the Colonel.
He had occasion to reprove me often,
and finally to inflict blast of profan-
ity at which my self-respect rebelled.
Knowing that swearing was breach
of discipline, / waited confidently upon
the Colonel, with the manner of one
gentleman calling upon another. After
the usual salute, l opened complaint by
saying
"Colonel, Mr.. Hackett has"
The Colonel interrupted me angrily
and with fire in his eye exclaimed
Mister 2 There are no misters in
the army
Il thought, sir--I began apologeti-
cally.
Think think ?" he cried. "What
right have you to think ? | do the
thinking for this regiment Go to
your quarters J.
| did not tarry. There seemed tc
be no common ground on which he anG
| could argue questions of personal Ell
quette. But | should do injustice tc
his character as a commander if | fail
ed to illustrate another manner of re
proof which he sometimes applied
One day, noticing a corporal in soil
ed gloves, he said Corporal, you Sc
a bad example to the men with you
soiled gloves. Why do youl'
'lve had no pay, sir, since enterin!
the service, and cant afford to hir
washing
The Colonel drew from his pocket
pair of gloves spotlessly white, an,
handing them to the corporal said
Put Oh those; | washed them my
self ~
| This was an unforgotten lesson T.
the whole regiment that it was a sol
diers duty to attend himself to his pei
sonal neatness.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

Some interesting particulars concern
ing the historic hot seasons of Europe
have been collected by an Italian Sa-
rant In 627 A. ID. the water supply
Of France, Germany and Italy was
completely dried up in S97 vast mum
bers Of peasants on the Continen. were
smitten with sun stroke in 993 vege-
tation was burnt up as if by fire in
1000 the wells and water courses were
dried up, aud the decayng fifth caused
a pestilence in ll42 the earth was sc
scorched that great assures were made
in it for miles, and this was again the
case seven years afterward in 1860
1877, 1903 and 1904 the largest river
in Europe--the Rhine, the Seine, the
Po, the Tiber-shrunk to tiny stream.
lets; in 1905 butchers meat was cook
ed by the sun, and during several hours
each day of the hot period no one ven
tured out of doors in l7lS not a drol
| of rain fell for six months in 1853 tht
thermometer averaged between l0t
and 400 degrees f.; in 1870 the intens,
heat compelled the inhabitants of Bo
logn to seek refuge in undergroun,
pits aud caves to escape sutfocation
in July, 1898, vegetation withered, an,
furniture in houses cracked and split
in 1871 and 1922 were immens
droughts, accompanied by earthquake
and hurricanes, and millions of iiel
mice We're driven by the heat fror
their holes to perish on the earth's SUI
face and in 1882 fearfully hot weatl
er and cholera epidemic were coinc
dent in Paris,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19
Unfulflled Ambition.

A young man with a broad back and
a sorrowful look was standing in front
of the Board of trade the other day,
when an acquaintance came and called
out
"Hello Thomas out of Job ?"
Yes, out of job" was the sad re-
ply.
"No! Why you were a porter for
wholesale house for three years
past"
'.Tust so, but I've been discharged
SIS that so; have trouble with the
boss p
"No, not exactly. You see l went
into the house to work my way up.
The first Christmas l ought to have
been promoted to salesman, but |
wasn't. The second Christmas l ought
to have been offered a partnership for
my faithful services, but the offer
didn't come. This year | ought to
have married the daughter of the SEN
ior partner and found house and lot
in my Christmas stocking, but that
prospect has now departed, "
"And you left ?"
"Well, | overhauled the old man on
the street car yesterday and intimated
that | was ready to do my part, but
he never let on he knew me. This
morning ! was told my services were
no longer needed.
"But can the house run without
you ?"
1t may possibly squeeze along, but
if there is failure it must not be laiC
up again me, Do you know of any
bank where a man can begin as {
watchman and work up to marry tn,
Presidents widow | think I'll try
that business for a spell, - Chicago
NelcS.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19
Done When Done.

System is the oil which lubricates
the wheels of daily life for us
who must work. A lack of it causes
everything to hitch and clog, and we
lose time and temper. The general
lack of method comes from the neglect
of parents to teach children properly
about the best and easiest way of
doing things The best and the east
est way is always the way that accom-
pishes most with the least worry and
fret. To learn this way we must plan
ahead the work to be done. When we
know what there is to do, we can 90 to
work intelligently and decide how it
can be done with the least expenditure
of time and labor. We can see where
one step will answer for two. We can
50 arrange our tasks that there Will be
no clash, no conflict, 10 two things
clamoring to be done at the same
time. System of this sort, the result
of forethought and observation, will
help us to accomplish twice as much
with the same amount of labor, and do
it more easily. 1t is often the fret and
worry of pressing work which exhausts
us more than it is the work we are en-
gagged at. 1t is never pleasant to feel
that work is driving us, and it is al.
ways pleasant to think that we are
driving our work,-in other words
that we are the master Without sys
tenn we cannot be. Lack of system
makes slave of man. 1t oblig
him to expend more labor, time anC
money than there is any necessity for
The extra labor, the worry and hurr,
to keep up with the work, wears one
nut twice as fast as he ought to wea
out Show me the man who accom-
plishes most, and will show you on,
who works by method, and who doe
his large amount of work with les
wear and tear of brain and body thai
the man who barely makes a living
and does it without regard to system
Our Country Home.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19
To Make the House Comfortable.

a correspondent writes "Some of
us live in old homesteads that, though
we'll and solidly built, have suffered
from times ravages others in the
modern houses more cheaply put up,
both of which are sometimes very un-
comfortable in cold weather, admitting
cold currents of air around doors and
windows, and requiring an extra sup
ply of fuel to make them comfortable.
1t will not only contribute to ones
comfort, but will greatly reduce the
winters outlay for fuel to make the
house as tight and warm as possible
before severe weather sets in. Rubber
weather strips are excellent for making
doors and windows tight, But if one
does not desire to purchase them, there
are various equally effective home
made contrivances. For instance, il
the windows fit loosely and rattle il
the breeze, little wooden wedges fitted
in between the upper and lower sasl
make them firm, and the crack be
tween the two sashes may then often
times be covered over with a strip o
cloth or paper pasted on with stiff
flour paste. The cracks at the sides o
the sash may be stuffed with cotton o
soft old rags that can be pushed in ou
of sight with thin-bladed case-knife
Doors can be made tight by tackin!
listing or strips of woolen cloth aroun'
top and sides. When there are wild
cracks at the bottom of doors, max
long, narrow bags, fill them with san'
and lay them close to the crack. Thes
bags of sand may be covered will
bright.colored cloth and made by n
means unsightly.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

Mothers of boys who go to school
through snowdrifts and mudpuddles
may like to try the following easy way
of making the soles of their shoes
waterproof; varnish the soles with the
best copal varmsh as it dries repeat
the process until the pores are filled
aud the surface shines ike polished
mahogany,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

There is said to he bell in an edi-
flee before the great temple of Buddha
at Yeddo that is four times greater
than the great bell at NJ oscow and tif-
ty-six times larger than the great bell
of Westminster, England, 1t weighs
| 100000.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

"Will you have some butter or some
oleomargarine ?" asked the facetious
boarder.
"What did we have yesterday" ask
ed the thin boarder
II don't know"
"Well, if we had butter, give me
oleomargarine; and if it was oleomar'
garine, I'll take butter"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

DIR, Burchard asked on recent Sun
day why am not in heaven One
reason is because during the past few
weeks he has been headed in an oppo-
site direction.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

An English soldier being asked if he
met with much hospitality while he was
in ireland, replied that he did he was
in the hospital nearly all the time he
was there.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

Il thought you told me you didn't
nse tobacco p 81 don't" "But you
are putting cigar now, "Yes, but
that's only three-center, No tobacco
in it,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19
he Forgot to Ask.

The New Haven NelcS tells this
election story: a good story was told
at the Scoville house in Waterbury dur
ing the settlement of number election
bets During the Polk campaign much
interest was taken in Waterbury in the
result, and party strife ran high be-
tween Wings and Democrats. Water
bury was only little village at that
time and it had no railway communica-
tions. 1t was also before the days of
the telegraph, and a number of the po-
lticians made up purse aud hired
Colonel Richard Welton, proprietor of
the New Haven stage line, to make q
special trip to New Haven and get the
returns.
The crowd waited anxiously on the
tavern steps all through the afternoon
of the day of Colonel Welton's trip and
when he came in sight with his horses
smoking from their long drive, he stood
up in his wagon and called to the eX,
pectant crowds
New York'S gone 5000
"For whomt' arose oil every side.
The colonel jumped from his wagon,
hesitated a moment, scratched hir head
and then blurted out "Well, | swan,
| forgot to ask.
The feelings of the politicians can be
better imagined than described.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

"Wnat is the meaning of that red
line above the fourth story Of your
house?' asked a stranger of man near
Pittsburg.
That is the water mark. That mark
shows how high the water was during
the great overflow about one year
ago,
"Impossible If the water had been
that high the whole town would have
been swept away
The water never was that high,
1t only came up to the first story win
dow, but the cursed boys rubbed it
out three or four times so l put it up
there where they cant get at it. 1t
takes smart man to circumyent those
| boys"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19
.RATss OF AuvrRTIslNa.

I Yearly advertisements payable quarterly, . ten
silent advertisements must be paidfor betofeihfett
cd except where parties have accounts.
/ Legal advertisements two dollars per inch 10,
three Insertions, and at that rate for additlonal
insertions without reference 70 length.
/ Executors, Administrators and Audtorsnotices
three dollars. Must be paid for when Inserted.
Transient or Local notices, ten cents line. regu-
lar advertisements half rates.
Cards in the business Directory column one
dollar year for each line
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

lEauNH wanted for The Lives OF all the Pre,i
lHHMVNdents OF the U. s. The largest hand
nuuN Asomest best book ever sold for less than
twice our price, The fastest selling
book in Americe, Immense prohts TO agents. All
intelligent people want It Any one can become a
successful agent. Terms free, HALLETr BOOK CO.,
Portland; Maine. Dec 9l-ly
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-19

hUENlo 4 Permanent business apply td
Wilmot, Castle q CO., Rochester, \. y.
dec l2-iW Il
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1884-12-11
The Exclusive Briton and the Yankee.

The following anectote is told in re-
lation to the unsociable habits Of En-
glishmen who travel. An old Ameri-
a gentlemen was travelling from
Liverpool to London. Three gentlemen
in all occupied the carriage; and for an
hour after the train had begun its jour
ney eve one exchanged syllable with
another. At last the American broke
silence, and said: Gentlemen, / am
L ID have come from -.
l have been a merchant for fifty years,
and now am living in ease I am
eighty years of age, and / have two
eyes and mi tongue, and, like a great
many of my countrymen, take pleas
ure in using them. My eyes feel the
period in which they have done me SER
vice, and 1 can not read for the motion
of the train. Having introduced my
self, l trust gentlemen, you will not
look upon me as "a ~pickpocket." All
this one of the gentlemen drew out his
card-case and gave his card. This ex-
ample was Immediately followed by the
other. "What, gentlemen" said the
American, ..you do not seem to know
one another; let me introduce you;''
and with that he crossed his arms and
presented the card of one to the other.
This was the beginning of a warm and
long friendship.-London Echo.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1884-12-11
$4,000 Gone,

SAN Francisco, CAL-The Chronicle
publishes in Substance the following mar
vel. Captain w. F. Swasey, the oldest pio-
neer of the coast, makes a statement of the
intense suffering of his friend Colonel D. J.
Williamson, an Army officer of distinction,
and IN Ex-U. s. Consul, who was attacked
in the winter of 1862 with violent rheu-
matism. So great was his agony in after
years he became a helpless cripple, and
after trying numberless remedies, the baths
of other countries and spending a fortune
of $4,000, the disease seemed to assume a
more virulent type. Finally, he was per-
suaded to try St.Jacobs Oil, the great con-
queror of pain. 1t worked a miracle OF
cure. In a letter to the Chronicle he CON
firms Captain Swasey's statement and adds:
81 cheerfully give my unqualified attesta-
tion to the truthfulness of the statement,
because I feel perfectly certain that q
knowledge of my cure by st. Jacobs OH
will prove the means Of relieving hundreds
of sufferers"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1884-12-11
Lamps as Protectors of Plants.


A correspondent of Nck's Floral
Guide relates his experience with ordi-
nary kerosene lamps for keeping warm
the room in which plants were in cold
weather. No smoke was apparent, nor
any injury to the plants. As a precau-
ton the lamps were placed in pans Of
sand or dry ashes on the floor, and later
a length of wide pipe was put owe each
lamp, to obscure the light. The cor
respondent says: 1.-The great adj
vantages of such aids in severe weather
are the certainty of their steady opera
tons all night at any degree to which
the wicks may be turned, up or down.
Towards spring l have used lamps under
small propagating beds for supplying
bottom heat, using a shallow, wide, tin
tank between the lamp and the soil,
with a pipe for filling and a short pipe
with gum tube slipped ove it for
emptying, md for testing how much
water is in the tank. This is done by
lowering the end of the piece of tubing
till water begins to run from it. I had
no tube to carry off the lamp fumes.
Some people allow a lamp to burn all
night in their sleeping-rooms without
noticing any ill effect" Those who
have plants in rooms where fire can not
be conveniently bept all night, may find
sufficient protection for their plants in
the heat from three or four lamps. The
temperature in cellars where fruit was
stored has been kept above the freezing
point in extremely cold weather by
keeping three or four lamps burning.
Oil rtoves are very useful for this pur-
pose
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1884-12-11
What to Leave Out.

1t is quite impossible to read every
thing, to go everywhere, to see every
body, for all of which opportunities Of
fer, without losing in this rush of life
the power to take a distinct impression.
Now to hold ones self susceptible to inn
pressions; to keep ones self en- rapport
with select and sympathetic currents, to
be responsive to the finer and subtler in
fuences, is to hold the key of the situar
ton. 1t is often the book we do not
read, the entertainment at which we do
not assist, the individual we do not see,
that does the most real good. Life be-
comes deteriorated and miscellaneous If
it is not subjected to the severe scrutiny
of selection matter of which it is
easier to preach than to practice. Over
possession is the fatal endowment Of
modern life.-Lilian With q
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1884-12-11
WHEAT AS A CATTLE FEED.

The Way in Which Some Colorado Ranch.
men Are Turning it Into Beef.
Wheat will be fed to stock this year
very much more generally than would
appear from ordinary observation. 1t
is healthy and productive of good re-
suits when fed, from cattle down to
poultry. When chopped and fed to beef
cattle, for instance, it will cause them to
put on flesh rapidly and thus return
two-fold in comparison with the ordi-
nary market price for wheat. Occa-
sionally a farmer will be found who
AYERS that he can raise wheat profitably
at ninety cents a hundred. 1t will be
seen, however, that such men have large
ranches, and raise, in most instances,
nothing else in any quantity. For an
ordinary farmer, then, it is much more
remunerative to feed wheat than sell it
at the price we have quoted. An ex-
change says regarding this: "a more
pressing point for farmers to consider
Just now is the utility of making use of
a great deal of their wheat crop at home
for stock-feeding purposes, instead of
pressing it on the market under the dis
advantageous circumstances now exist
ing. Wheat meal may be made an adj
mirable substitute for oil cake in fatten-
ing cattle and sheep; hence those
farmers who have been accustomed to
make heavy OUTLAWS in the purchase of
oil cake for winter feeding of stock will
act imprudently if they do not abandon
the system this year and fall back on
their heavy stock of home-produced
wheat as a substitute. Wheat meal is
reckoned even better than barley meal
for pig feeding, and it would be econo-
my to keep back nothing but tail barley
for pig consumption this season, mar
ketirg the whole of the head corr and
making use of wheat largely for the pro-
duction of pork. Prices of store pigs
have been low for some considerable
time and remain SO at present. Farmers
of an enterprising turn will take advan-
tage of this circumstance by buying
largely store pigs and converting them
into pork, chiefly by the consumption of
wheat meal.
In some instances the ranchmen have
organized and purchased a feed mill, as
in the case of the Platte Valley Grange,
with results beneficial to all concerned.
Wheat turned into beef is more proiita-
BILE than when sold to the millers, and,
this being so, it requires no Solomon to
decide as to the best manner in which to
dispose of it.-CotorddO Farmer.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1884-12-11
At the Skating Rink.

"Never was SO insulted in my. life,n
said Mrs. Jones when she came home
from the Casino the other night.
"What's the matter now?" inquired
Jones, looking up from his paper.
why, l put on roller skates for the
first time in my life tonight, and 1 was
skating beautifully, when some one
must have jostled me, for I felt myself
going down, and I just caught hold of a
lady who was skating near to save my
self. Talk about women standing by
each other!''
They can't on roller skates sug-
gested Jones. ..What did the woman
do?"
"Do! She jerked herself away and
screamed out SOS everybody heard her,
Take your hands out of my pocketF
The idea"
"Did you have your hand in her
pocketP" asked Jones, getting inter-
ested.
But Maria gave him a whitening look
and was silent. -Detroit Free Press.