The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-01-19
BARNuM.s WILL.
Bloomington Through Mail

lBioomine,on Through Mail.l
 P. I. BaTnum, the veteran snowman has made, executed, sealed and delivered to proper custodian his last wiIl and only testament, which is documen, ot 700 pages of closely written legal cap ps- per. befoie signing the paper he had seven eminent physicians examine tim and pronounce him sane, so the Ques;ien of sanity cannot be raised when the will is offered for probate.
 Barnum IS shrewd old fellow. to take these precautions, but if the lawyers tha, wrote that will cannot, in 700 pages of legal cap paper, ring in enough incon- sistences and technscal ;nccngrr;sie= 10 knock it higher than . kite, they are a disgrace to their psofession. The num- Der of " atoresaids ]" saids . and there tores in this immense bequest of over Sio, 900 900, is said to be simply appali- ing. The will is represented as running about as follows:
 Being warned by my lawyers that will end my life by death, and being in formed by the most eminent physicians of Connecticut that am of sound mind and lively disposition, and being assured by my bankers that have little bal ance of about SIC. GOO 900 in their several institutions, and being further declared duly sober by my aforesaid physicians. who are unanimous in the opinion tha. d life of teetotal abstinence renders il i'm possible that should now be drunk. and being informed that have some relatives and numerous friends abroad in the land, who would like to enjoy million dollars or so of my accumulated wealth, and be- ing impressed with the idea that l am a very generous man, by the assertions of my many relatives and friends in that behalf, hereby, in consideration ot the premises aforesaid and the warning voice of my said lawyers aforesaid, and the :n- formation of the said physicians aiore- said, and the assurance of my said bank CTS aforesaid, determined upon this, my last will and newest and latest revised testament, to-wit, as follows, that Is to say, namely"
 Here several unimportant bequests of a million dollars each, are made, but we omit them on account of their trivia! 
 'l give and bequeath to Rutherford B. Hayes my temperance pledge and the good example have set for the commun- ity, provided always, and this beques, IS made upon this condition that the said Rutherford aforesaid shall not agaii. ln- terfere with Sammy Tilden in the posses sion of his property.
 My good name bestow upon the members ot my family, with this limi,a- ton only: It shall never be allowed to be applied to any but the legitimate off- spring of my people. have kep, II clean, and mean that others shall do likewise, in defaul. of which the recipi- ents of this bequest shall forever be de- barred from any and all profit to be de- rived from my eognomonous appe!la- ton.
 My elephants give and bequeath to Jay Gould, he being the only man in America who is able to buy food for them, except Vanderbilt, who may have Jumbo if he buys feather bed for him and otherwise treats him kindly. Kind ness has been one of my rules of action, and Jumbo would feel very badly to De treated otherwise.
 My bible give to Eli Perkins, he 10 read the commandments every morning before breakfast.
 " My dodo is hereby given to Oscar Wilde.
 = My she-lion give to Frank James, with the fond hope that she may adm n- ster to him long delayed punishment
 My goat commend to the tender care of George w. Peck, of Milwaukee. on condition that his bad boy be forbid den to pepper its beard.
 .. Ny sarked k,,ti Da., ralnage, with instructions to le. it bump Bob lngersoll frequently and persist .ntly.
 " To the 7H,0nsA .llaiL, of Blooming on, Illinois, sI 900 in gold, as its youth ul prt prietors are gritty youngsters, ba,- ling nobly with adverse fortune, and sure to succeed if they do not starve 10 ieath before they make their fortunes r. 5 They are to earn this amount 
 :" To Bill Nye, my boomerang, with which to defend himself against Dr. Dys- .rt, the latter having attached the Boon- 'yang formerly owned by Mir. Nye.
 {" To the RlAhet, of Washington City, give my reputation for truth and yer .city. hoping that it will be much bene- itted thereby.
 To THE ARKANsAw TRAVELLER T. be- lueath all my native Zulus and other iialectic creatures, to give Opie P. Read nore room to spread out on things as hey are on the funny side of creation.
 ' To the BhS-ayd my trumpet, and to he Dsr,iek the rope with which John 3rown's soul was sent marching on.
 '' To the De!yoif Free Press, my old lat. to be donated to Bro. Gardiner. of he Lime Kiln club.
 To the B1yiin.rkos Rawkeye. the sac ed memories of home and friends. for 8urdette to write up."