The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-06-08
POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY.
A Chapter on the Pleasures of
Omce-Seeking.

the DOCTORS assistant who holds a
patients leg while it is being cutoff
| is an M. D.
| 1 am politician who has not yet
repented.
| [ take to politics as naturally as a
youth uI duck takes to water.
| This comparison may not be re-
tgarded rs presenting the neces-
sary harmOnies, to SINE people,
| for politi, ians are not, SIS a rule,
strongly addicted to water in any
to-m, except when diluted. This is
not my only reason for liking poll
tics, however.
There are, in the U. S. of A, two
great political parties, esch of which
has an Object in common and OBJ
Ijects at variance. The object In
common is getting the Offices and
the objects at variance are:
| 1.-Keeping the ether party out.
2.-Keeping themselves in.
3.-Holding conventions.
| 4-Betting on the results of an
election, and
s. Campaigning, electioneer: ng
and holding ratification meetings.
In grand and glorious republic
like this, the son Of tho poorest and
most obscure person may hope, if he
is able aud not too cons cientiOus, to
become President. It Is also note
worthy I ct. as history shows, that
some sons of something else have
now and then got there.
A presidential campaign is a use
full If not Indispensable adjunct 10 a
civilized and enlightened re. ublic.
1t develops the strength and man-
hood of the nation and shows how
spirited people imbued with the
inspiration of liberty can become
when the candidates are sufficiently
opulent to provide the spirits.
A man never finds out all about
himself till he runs for Office. He
may know from the family records
about what time he was born, and
thereafter from his own experience
may be able to determine
about what things he has
done which he should have left un.
done as we'll as those things he
might, could, would or should have
done which did not occur to him |
until the train had left. Let him
once be a candidate. and all |
the overlooked details of his
career are resurrected and PLACED
In array before his wondering gsZe
and he gets certificate ofcharacter
quite diSsimilsr to that which a pro.
fessional phrenologist gives for pay,
and he gets it deep down in the
throttle. Sometimes a candidate,
under the reflex of the career thus
paraded before him, hangs himself;
but this occurs with such alarming
infrequency that the country is
always in peril.
II man gets through life with.
out having been nominee for
Office, he stands chance Of jnvolun-
tariiy defrauding his offspring.
They are likely to follow him, or
what is left of him, to the quiet
subterranean fat without knowing
how much oratorical material the
minister is deprived of.
| was once a candidate for
the diguifed and honorable Of
Zee Of iustic of thu peace. The
convent N was harmo.
NOUS and its result unanimous. be-
cause nobody else in my party
wanted the position. In less than a
week the previously undeveloped
was unearthe that was
In illegitimate offspring; that had
,nce been convicted of a felony and
vas exercising the rights OF an
American citizen through the Glenn
,ncy of the Governor; that l was
ynOrant and unfit, and that had {
,nco lived in Ogden. These things, ]
while somewhat unpleasant of
.Our5e, had beneficial result; was .
defeated at the pole.
Politics is kidd Of llfe-insurance )
,oIicy on the government. 1t is a d,
means Of perpetuating the princi- ,
lies by which the continuance of :
'ur national organization is made :
There is certain amount :
II gall and NORWOOD imbedded in ,
he human anatomy and this, il ex- ;
,ressed outside political canvass,
night get the express company into +
rouble; but political campaign !
makes the unbottllng of gall and !
he Loose distribution of poison as :
larmless pastime as writing edi- :
orials for Provo paper or discuss =
ng the best plan for destroying =
aterpillars; it relieves the mind, : :
xpands the chest, enlarges the q
cart and draws the human fam +
" more closely together than .
they were members of female .
ociety that had just got hold Of the !
atest they say" h
Let us have politics; the more 3
denounced and emphatic, the more h
ealthful and desirable. 81
Essay CAIGH. :.