The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1884-05-30
VARIETIES.

But how do you get along? You say
you don't pay expenses ?" 81 don't and that's
why get along so well. Imake my custom
ers pay them"
"A camel will work for seven or eight
days without drink. In this he differs from
some men, who will drink seven or eight
days without working.
-"You can lead q horse to water, but YOU
can't make him drink" says the old saw
You couldn't make some men drink either if
you took them TO n hydrant
Ono young man said to another: "Itsa
long way from this world to the next" "Oh,
never mind, my dear fellow" said the other,
you'll have it all down hill"
You've got a new hat Sec" said one
man to another who was noted for his love
of the flowing bowl. "Yes-hc--got
new-hic-hat but it's got the-hic--
old brick in it,"
Some one says mo Thoroughly occupied
man was ever miserable" That man evil
IDENTIFY DOESN'T know what it is to attempt to
keep twin babies quiet while their mother
goes TO church.
Are you having much practice now?"
askcda an old judge ola young lawyer. "Yes
sir, a great deal, thank your" "Ah, Pm
glad to hear it. In what line is your practice
particularly" "Well, sir, particularly in
Economy"
-"Well," said II jaunty son-n-law, loung-
ing in from the Office with his fathers mail,
you've got postal from ma and she says
she's met cyclone" "Pity the cyclone"
was the old gcntlcman's crusly reply, ms he
jabbed his pen into the inkstand.
Modern Elijah, who nclincs to be face
lious-"I'm getting to be pretty bald, amt
|? Guess you'll have to cut my hair for
about halEprice hereafter, ell p" Tonsorial
artist, who is equalto the emergency: "Oh,
no, sir we always charge double when we
have to hunt for the hair p
Tile Christian at Work has an article ell
titled Glow to Make Wife Insane" We
have not read it, rtsuming the method TO
be of course, either to come into the house
with mud on your boots, or to forget To
bring home your wife's bonnet for her from
the milliner's on Saturday night
--"Yes, Charley is a good enough sort of
fellow" remarked Tom "but then he is so
confoundedly absent-mindedl He borrowed
five dollars ofmc the other day. and when he
called at my place to return the money,
blowed if he didn't forget what he came for,
and actually borrowed another five"
The other morning woman applied at
the surrogate's Office for letters of admins
tration on her husbands estate-the estate
being q claim of n few dollars against the city.
"Did your husband have any personal
property" asked Surrogate Lord. "Indeed
he did, " replied the widow. "Thrce boys and
two girls"
"A little lawyer, appearing as evidence in
one ofthc courts, was asked by gigantic
counsellor what profession he was of, and
having replied that he was an attorney
"You an attorneyp replied Brief, "why
can put you in my pocket" "Very likely
you may" rejoincd the Other" and if you do,
you will have more law in your pocket than
in your head"
The wife ola Norman peasant is ill. A
physician is called in. "Will you pay me?"
asks the mistrustful doctor. "Oui, monsieur"
says the husband, holding up five louis, kill
or cure her, these are yours" The patient
dies, and the doctor demands the five louis
pardon !" says the widower. odd you
kill my wife ?" mo" odd you cure her ?"
mo, alas" Every well, since you neither
killed her nor cured her, you did not stand
by our agreement and ! owe you nothing"