The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-07-24
HCMOR.


Farm affairs -artesian wells.
A NEW way to pay old debts-li1ui-
date them. Carl PretzeFs Weekty.
YOU'VE man." said the landlord. Il
always eat the cheese rind." And the
new boarder replied Just SO; als
leaving this for you"
HERE sent So to this man for an
infallible remedy for my red nose, and
he advises me to go on drinking until
il turns purple. Teras Stftifgs.
A MAN has been arrested in London
for simply laying up something for
rainy day. In his room over nine hun
dred umbrellas were dis oyereL.
The Mayor of certain town in Maine
receives the princeiy salary of 81
year. IL is Just such salaries as this
that cause the American pc pie to BE-
nation of Office seekers. Paris Be0
con.
mo. SIR" said the worldly young
man to the life-insurance agent, al don't
feel prepared to have my life insured
Just vet. / do not care to feel that L
would be worth more dead than 1 am
alive"
"PHERE's one thing about M :" said
young Fastboy, that - always on
time" II know said his friend. your
Clothes" And F'astboy said th.t wasn't
just what he was going to say. but IT was
true, nevertheless.
AIHIEvING young Pittsburg dentist
has eloped with the daughter of q
Philadelphia nabob, aud ali the laugh
ing-ga ever used by the new sOn-in-law
wouldn't create the ghost of smile on
the old gentleman's counbenancc.
The reason farm hands are so scarce
CON be accounted 70 i'll the fact that a
man can't get moments rest on tine
barbed wire fences now In use. The
old rail fence offered some indncement
to man to engage on farm. but this
barbed wire business doat give O man
any show ut all.-Peck's S,tst.
mo, Nj son. prize-tighters never go
to war. They know that cam N bag,
bent upon knocking q man Oat In one
round, doesn't stop and 60 back to ITS
own corner merely be,aus the man
lies down. You never hear of q prize
fighter fighting anywhere unless there
is lots of gate money behind the fight"
darlington HdUkeye.
CoNGREssMAN-"W What is that. sir ?"
Waiter-"That is small bottle Of
whisky, sab, and glass of watah, sab"
Waiter-"No sab / thought you might
want it." Congressman (angrIy@
"What / want will order" Waiter
IAN right, sab; beg pardon. Will re-
move it at once, sah." Waiter throws
out the water.--Philadel1,hia Cal.
A PHILADELPHIA man Is exhibiting o
rat-killing sheep. A sheep that will
grow good fleece of wool and at the
same time 60 into the rat-exterminat-
ing business must indeed ne an improve
ment on the usual run of wool and NUT
ton resources. If the breed can he prop
agated it will SOON take the place of the
dog, which now, Judging from reports,
seems busily engaged In killing sheep.
This may be the cause of dogs raiding
sheep ranches and killing oil the sheep,
| fearing that an anti-dog movement may
be inaugurated if rat-kiiLng sheep be-
come common Picks Sara.
II was O dark and stormy nightsOn
the seething bosom of the Atlantic.
The noble vessel ploughed her way
through the writhing biliows like %
great monster Of sentient life. Heavy
waves dashed over her bow, and, surg
ing aft, carried the hole OF the larboe rd
hawserpipe abaft the main hatch of the
starboard gasket. But Admiral Gould
stood undismayed upon the bridge, in
cool and collected accents directing
the labors of the frightened seamen.
Ease her little!" he cried to the
man at the wheel. take q reef in
Erie Ids, lower the foretopgallant and
run a spanker boom on Wabash. So.
| Now she takes it," At this moment the
captain of the larboard watch advanced
and said, with pallid face, Sir, there's
ten foot of water in the hold"
at amt enough" cried She Admiral.
Break hole abaft the poop. She'll
stand more water than that, and know
it. "-Pittsburgh Telegraph.