The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-05-21
HUMOR OF H DAY.

Always getting into scrapes-Nut-
megs.
''Do take some more of the vegetables
Mr.. Blood, for they go to the pigs, any
way."-HarrarI Lampoon.
Tight boots are said to cause the blood
to mount to the face. That's why society
girls are all the time blushing Barring
ton Free Press.
A Young woman is about to open a
cigar store in New York. We have no
doubt she will have capital to back her,
Boston Bulletin.
Jaw Gould's income is rcckoned to be
at the rate of 50 a minute. When d man
asks him for a minute it means some
thing.-Statesman.
The sunsets are still red, which is more
than can be said of a great many scien-
titic articles being published on the SUBJ
| iect.-C Cincinnati Iimes-Star.
A Japanese woman dresses her hair
only oncc in four days. This gives the
rest of the family an occasional glance at
| the mirror. -Bismarck Tribune.
When freedom from her mountain height
Unfurled her standard to the breeze
She gave the ladies perfect right
To do oil things-just as they please.
Chicago Sun.
A man has been arrested in London for
simply laying up something for a rainy
day. In his room over nine hundred
umbrellas were discovered. -Norristown
Herald.
A preacher having married a couple in
the church the other day, unfortunately
gave out as the very next hymn, Mis-.
taken souls that dream of Heaven" y
Chicago Sun.
A young dude once went to Tahiti,
But the natives all thought as q sweetie
They would find him so good,
That they used him for food;
Or, to put it more plainly, they eat he.
The Judge.
There is probably nothing in this
transitory world that will yield larger
and quicker returns on the amount in
vested, than poking q wasp with your
finger to see if he feels we'll Chicago
SUH.
Into the Tilt of loves blithe measure
there has crept a curious jar and halt,
sings Ella Wheeler. 1t appears that Elias
pa, too. comes down to the gate some
Zines in his largest pair of boots. Cour-
ae-J0Wnat.
A Philadelphia man compels his
! daughter to cat onions every night for
supper, and thus assures himself that ne
can shut the house at 10 o'clock without
locking in a strange young man.-Bur'
nagton Free Press.
Krupp is building a hammer that
weighs fifty tons and will cost over two
million dollars. No doubt such a ham
mer will come handy during house-clean
ing, but we shouldn't like to hold the
tack.-Phiadelphia Call.
Kaiser William, King George, Of
Greece, and King Christian, of Denmark,
will meet this summer in Weisbaden'
Opposition summer resorts will have to
hold o pretty good hand to heat three
Kings.-Norristown HeraM.
A Canal street storckeeper conceived
and executed the plan of putting up the
sign, admission Free" over the door o
his store, and his place has been crowded
ever since. The average human being
does love a free show.-Picayune.
Some one says ''no thoroughly occu
pied mar was ever miserable" Tn
Philadelphia Neus is convinced that tina
man evidently doesn't know what it is t.
attempt the feat of keeping twin babies
quiet while their mother goes to church
Eyes" said the English nobleman, I"
was disguised with Newport. Why
there were two other earls there when
arrived, and l didn't begin to m%onopo!iz'
all the attention. America is becomln!
too overrun with noblemen.-Boston Post