Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-01-28
A cold spell-Z-e-r-o.
Indian affairs-Wigwams.
A counter-irritant-a clerk.


Indian affairs -Wigwams.
A counter-irritant- clerk.
Motto for the unwashed: While there's
life there's soap.
One thing in which two heads are bet
ter than ole-a barrel
The peeler who fights and runs away,
may live to run some other day.
There is no use in tslescoping a train
of cars. The people on board cannot
see it.
Church music is sold by the choir
Drum music, and much of the piano
kind, comes by the pound.
A Connecticut man has written poem
on the editors Hereafter" 1t is said
to be glowing description of the sew
enth heaven.
The happy father Of a pair of twins
sent the following message to a distant
brother ''Immense joy-we got twins
more hereafter"
can that's the pillar of Hercules p
she said, adjusting her silver spectacles.
''Gracious what's the rest of his bed
clothes like | wonder?"
An exchange advises bread and milk
poultice as cure for scratches. Young
husbands well to note this down in their
diaries for future reference.
''That prisoner has a very smooth
countenance," said the judge to the
sheriff Eyes; he was ironed just before
he was brought in," said the sheriff.
Papa: Eyes, Harry, it is supposed the
moon is inhabited, and is largely popu-
lated" Harry: ''Mustn't the people be
dreadfully crowded, specially when it's
new moon?'
A procession of seminary misses was
three hours in passing given point last
Saturday, but the bonnets in the window
were unusually fine, and well worthy
their attention.
Donnelly, the millionaire California
cattle dealer, who died last week, was
getting ready to start a newspaper to
push him in politics. He was mighty
lucky to die when he did.
A contribution came to us this week
headed "How He Fooled the Editor" If
the contributor thinks he fooled the edi-'
tor into printing his effusion he will be
undeceived by ransacking the waste
basket
AS two ladies were gazing at the large
black bear brought into town Yesterday,
one remarked: "Oh, what nice buffalo
robe his skin would make!" The other
replied, ''Or such a splendid sealskin
sacque."
''Hello, old boy; how are you? you
look particularly happy. What's up?"
''Nothing much. Just been getting mar
ried. Self preservation, you know. 1
thus escape the snares and pitfalls of
leap year.
A minister in a country kirk in Scot
land stopped in the cOnrse of his sermon
to ask a member who was somewhat
deaf: care ye hearing, John?" go! aye"
was the response, 81 am hearing, but to
verra little purpose"
II meant to have told you of that hole -
said man to his friend who had stum-
bled into a pit full of water few days
since. 'tNo matter now, no matter now, y
said the other, blowing the mud out of
his mouth: s'Ive found it out
A couple of Vassar girls were found by
a professor fencing with broomsticks in
a gymnasium. He reminded the young
girls that such an accomplishment would
not aid them in securing husbands. at
will help US to keep them in," replied
one of the girls.
II hev allus noticed" observes Aunt
Tabitha, 'sthat the boy who lets his
mother bring in all the kindling-wood
and build the kitchen fire, is the mourner
that bellers loudest at her funeral" And
then she added carefully, "Mebbe as not
it is because he misses her most"
Johnny came home from school the
other day very much excited. ''What dc
you think, pa! Joe Stewart, one Of the
big boys, had an argument with the
teacher about a question in grammar
ssWhat position did Joe take?" ellis last
position was across chair, face down. :
A young lady who has been married
but short time told ''bosom friend
that there was only one thing more as
tonishing than the readiness with which
Ned gave up smoking when they became
| which he took to it again after they were
married.
| Of young men, is about TO be organized
| Many young man whose mother woule
not board himself and wife viii thi
| year be lassoed by some ardent youn:
| woman and dragged down to matr imon
The society can not get to work mo
ment too soon.
"Grandpa," said an intelligent littl
fellow, 'twho made those great ditche
in your forehead?" 'sGod, my dear.
"What did he make them for?' s.T don
know, Willie. Don't ask silly questions.
Willie was thoughtful for a few me
ments, and then said: 81 know now
Father can tell how old his cows are b
the wrinkles on their horns. Is tn;
grandpa?"
Sept 14tl, 1880,
Hop Bitters Co., Toronto: have been sick 4
the past six years, suffering from dyspepsia az