The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-02-27
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Wednesday, Feb. 81, 1884.
CIRCULAR NOTE.

WAS Cinderellss slipper made Of blus
glassf
What kind Of paper resembles sneezsi
Tissue paper.
.-one often sees neat little craft anchorodin
hay-window.
why are dancers like parrlcides7 Because
they execute their pas.
Why is wit like Chinese football Because
breYity is the sole Of wit.
Why Is the letter like thunderl Because
IL makes our cream sour cream.
Which is the most profitable r. all bust.
nessesf The shoe, for every pair IL soyed before
It Is finished.
Why are country girls cheeks like good
print dressf Because they are warranted to
wash and retain their color.
III, according to Sam Weller, soire be Q lea
ofmutton and trimmings, what is e solree dan
santeY Ditto, with capers to be sure.
Why may foolish fellow reckon on having
the sympathy OF halter? Because halter ha :
always fell for fellow in want of q headpiece.
"A San Francisco paper could not tell the
head from the tail OF the procession in that city
on the 18th Of March--it was so Mcksed up II
was Pat on time, though.
"a contemporary describes post-office az "a
place where you stand shiyering for half an
hour for the privilege Of asking bluff fellow
through pigeon-hole when lie expectsa letter
nom your grandmother
The editor Of French newspaper. In speak.
ing Of tho dedication of new cemetery near
Lyons, says that IN. Gascoigno had the pleas
ure Of being the first fndividiipl who was buried
10 this delightful retreat
-"My friend, don't You know that il is very
dangerous to take 9 nap while the train is in
motion?" "Why so?" exclaimed the astonished
individual, waking np-."why SOP. because
this train runs over sleepers."
"A sad, sweet smile went wandering around
pious congregation in Chicago the other Sunday
morning, when the good pastor, with tender
and solemn intonation read: DO men gather
shorps Of grains or thigs Of fistlesf"
"a Bostonian being asked IL he wouldn't like
10 go to the South African diamond fields 10
hunt for precious gems, answered, mo; I've
found two earbuncles lately, both on the back
ofmy neck, and don't feel like prospecting for
any more
-"You politicians are queer people" said all
old business man to an impecunious partisan.
SHOW so2" asked the politician. "NShy, be-
cause you trouble yourselves more about the
payment OF the debts OF the State than you do
About your own"
Shell, the drama,ist--an irishman--one day
befng at rehearsal where Charles Young was
playing the hero, intending to give peculiar
effect to the situation, cried out; Here, Mr.
Young, you must draw your sword and find you
have not got one!
IA fatheress boy was scalping corn with
razor one Sunday morning, whom his mother
caught him by the hair, yanked him from the
chair, and electrified him by the startling re-
mark: "what do you 'spose your father in
heavenll think TO look down and see his own
ton hackin' corns with his razor %
Somebody asked Victor Hugo II he could
write English poetry. Certainly" he replied,
and forthwith produced the following
"Pour chaser lie spleen,
J'entrai dams TN inn;
D, mais 10 bus lie gin,
God save the Queenl"
captain Judkins, late Of the Cunsid steam-
ship Scotia, was once repeatedly interrupted,
while taking his reckonings, by an inquisitve
lady who insisted on knowing just how far the
ship was from Liverpool. Finally. his patience
exhausted, he exclaimed; a s4..".a IL know,
madam. You'll have to ask the cook"
"a citizen OF Eureka, having occasion to 60
home rather unexpectedly night or two since,
naught gentleman acquaintance in the act OF
kissing his wife On relating the circumstance
10 friend, he WAS asked il he punished the
guilty couple, and replied: "No, not exactly;
but they must have seen, from the way slam
med the donr, hat was not satisfied"
--In the rrseuee of the Duke OF Wellington
subaltoniA .nfed 10 describe tremendous
leap he had tn -sed when out hunting.
Most cNirfafsi.ilalyla said the Duke. .'And
I'D you really ssc thisfn
yves, indeed Il had not seen II, could moi
Dossibly have believed it,"
"Ahl did not see tl' was the candid re-
leinder,