St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1884-12-30
The Old. or S-ory.


think that one reason there are so few
good stOry-tellers among US is that the list
ners are. in many instances. so willfully and
so stubbornly unappreciatiAe that it tends to-
wards dis eouraging the skillful narration Of
irst-class anecdotes.
There were four of US coming across 'the
divide' a few years ago, and this principle
was then and there elucldated. Gibbon,
Gregg and myself were eoDgenial acquaint-
anees, and we would have enjoyed the long
ride II 1t had not been for a man named
Sausage, who had only recently escaped
from some low priced educational institu-
ton. He had acquired few cast-iron facts
Of the cyelopedia variety, and with the Odor
Of the valedictory all through his clothes he
was making tour OF the coast aud Colorado.
He was what Won may call Que OF those really
statistical, brainy young reservoirs Of infor-
nation who burst forth from the Alma Mater
with the intention OF going TO congress in
twOyears, out finally compromise the mat
ter forty years later by run ming for Oyerseer
Of Highways and getting showed under by
abOnt l37 majority.
When Gibbon saw Mr.. Sausage get on the
stage be said 10 me in 4 low voice: 1--WE,
we are undone. Sausage will doubtless en-
deavor to relate some aneedote TO US on the
way. and then l shall commit an atrocious
crime"
But he didn't do il the first ten miles. He
contenied himself by shedding other infor-
nation, and explaining things that be had
just found in his physical geography. and
stunning US with tue hard words that always
float around in the aquarium which young
men refer TO as their brains.
Finally, however, some one reminded him
OF story. Gregg tried to turp tue CONVEX
sation, but 1t was of no use, Said he: "R
seems that many years ago traveller or tour
ist OF some description, whose name is i'm
material-n
Funny name" said Gregg. ''Don't you
think 20, GibbOn -
"Yes, Foreigner, probably. l knew a
man named Jimmy Terrial once, though. "
We discussed the name for four OF five
milss. aud then allowed Sausage 10 proceed.
swell, as ] was going to say, this tourist,
traveller, or soiOurner Was prupounding in
quiries relative to the climatic changes and
isothermal-"
''Now. pardon me-" said Gibbon, ''but
are YOU sure that word is not pronounced iso-
thernalti'
al ventured to remark that is-other-mal
was the correct accent while Gregg sided
with Siwsage. From quiet discussion this
grew into regular row, which lasted at least
ten miles. Then we allowed the narrative to
proceed.
r'Well, at last, TO make long story short,
the traveller aud native of this eountry--''
Remember ;his namepi asked Gregg.
We've got the other mans name We
ought to have this one.'
NO" said S8wssga. 81 didn't give the
tourists name; you remember"
Il beg PARDON" said Gregg. "I don't
want 70 seem querulous and all the time
kicking up rOW with a comparative strang-
er, cut you certainly gave US the other gen
tleman's name"
We then had long and highly ENJOYABLE
quarrel, during which Gibbon aud / chaI-
lenged Gregg and Sausage to fight Us in
dark room, each man 10 he blindfOlded and
armed with an adze- Best man To paw all
funeral expenses and scrub out the room
next dav.
To this Gregg agreed, but Sausage said
he wasn't a very expert adzeman, and want
ed To apologize.
Gibbon and 1 hesitated. Finally we
agreed TO. think il over, but in the mean
time we begged Sausage to 90 ahead with his
story as we would reach the home station in
five. minutes more.
Al last he made out to tell the story that
Adam found under the current bushes when
be went into the Garden Of Eden, about the
place where the year was divided into s'nine
months winter and three months late into
the fall.''
AT the station Sausage wen. on east by
the train, and We took No. for Salt Lake
City On the way, Gregg, Gibbon and
each sent telegram to Mr.. Sausage separ-
ately, which read as follous-to-wit-.
''E. Ptoelmy Sausage, care Conductor No.
4; Have heard that B. G.. story OF yours be-
fore Q COllcet-r
Aud we had, -too.-Bin Nye in San Fran
cisco LagleSide.