The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-01
The Chronic Grumbler.

the druggist prescription for some
| medicine for stomach-ache. "A man
| wants pack of hounds to chase
| doctor down and catch him when q
man is sick, but if he is well he can't
go block without running over half
| dozen of them, and the sick man smelled
of box of toilet soap on the show case.
Had trouble finding a doctor, eh?"
said the druggist, as he went behind
the prescription case and poured some
red stuff out of q bottle, holding the
| cork in his mouth. "Wcll, doctors are
human like the rest of us, and they can't
be everywhere at once
''Who wants them to be everywhere
at once?' said the grumbler, as he
picked up bottle of rose extract on the
| show case, and squirted about ten cents
worth on an DID, dirty handkerchief.
doctors ought to be in their offices
where you can call them at the drop of
| the hat How does doctor know when
man is going to have collie? He must
| take it for granted that somebody IS
| going to have it all the time, and be
ready to go. If q man is run over in
the street, or drops down with sunstroke
or apoplexy, fifteen doctors will be on
the spot in two minutes, and each will
glare at the other as though the other
was standing around looking for job,
and then they will all refuse to help the
| man until professional courtesy is salts.
fed, and it is thoroughly understood
! whose patient the man is. But if | am
taken sick in the night may ring the
crank off my telephone, and yell fire
and murder, and have to grunt it out
till morning. was sick half the night
and couldn ring up doctor, and this
morning | went down to blow up four
different ones that tried to call, and
each one of them apologized by saying
he was out all night with "a patient.
Bah! | know they didn't all have
patients sick all night. They got to
bed and didn't want to get up. Sup
| pose had died, couldn't | have sued
them for damages?n
Il don't believe. where you are going
when you die, the court would have
druggist, lodging behind the prescrip-
ton case, for fear the sick man would
throw a bottle of citrate of magnesia at
him. ''But, honestly, doctors have a
pretty hard time being pulled out of
bed at all times of the night, when peo-
pie imagine that they are sick. Now,
if you had been very sick, the doctors
would have got to you too quick, but
they knew it was only a temporary
affair with you, of no particular con-
sequence, and that You would be all
right in the morning, SO they thought
it would be better for them to sleep, :"
, and the druggist put label on the bot
tie and told the customer it would be
seyenty-tive cents ten cents for the
! medicine and sixty-fye cents for the
bottle.
: mo consequence said the sick
: man. what do you call it when every
thing inside man gets in the wrong
! place and tries to get back where it
!; belongs, and each vital part gets to
guarreling with the other, and there is
q regular rough and tumble fight? Isn't
it any consequence when a man is
, doubled up with pain SO he can see
stars? By gum, laid there four hours,
thinking | would bust, and [ came
down this morning to whip some
doctors; but they begged off on
the ground that they were not at
home Another thing that is not just
right is doctors joking sick man. Ii
may do to joke some men when they
are sick, but when call doctor want
him to look solemn, as though was
going to die. Then when fellow gets
, well he feels as though doctor
amounted to something; whereas, if a
doctor comes in and jokes and tells
stories and says you are all right and
!; all you want is to stay in the house q
j day or two, you kick on paying the bill.
. Who wants to pay two dollars a visit to
| have doctor come in and tell you to
! take more exercise and not eat so much?
l What l want is pills and powders when
: | am sick, and not social intercourse,
: and the grumbler took the cork out OF
bis bottle and smelt of the medicine.
80, don't know" said the drug
!, gist. as he tried to sell the sick man q
razor to cut his throat with; II think 8
y good doctor ought to be cheerful and
sociable. p"
e Eyes, but condemn them. they car
u overdoit. y said the old grumbler. Now
u you remember last summer, when
9 had touch of dropsy. My doctor
J. looked me over, and with a sober looE
e told me he would have to operate or
8 me, and he wanted to have consulta
ton with another professional man
: That sacred me, and felt as though
e was getting the worth of my money
|, but when asked him who he wanted
n for consultation he said he wanted 8
g plumber. Then he laughed. When 4
e fellow has got dropsy he don't want nc
plumber. and don't you forget it. Now
= my doctor is q good fellow, but wher
t he wants to look atmy tongue he says
It run out that tribe eight or ten inches
: My tongue is no tripe and no man mus
: say SO. When / had boil on my neck
r he came in one day when I was feel
i, ing mad enough to die, and he said
J. Hello, old Yello vstone Park, how
Q is your geiser to-day?' That made me
t hot. When l tell doctor that think
J, one OF my lungs is about gone, dom
b want him to say that will be all righ
J, with one lung as long as / have two
S gals. Such things always seem to me
to be triding with serious subjects Blu
was mad when my liver got out o.
J. order and the doctor looked me over
and told me / would die unless I tool