, 1884-05-17
DARKROOM PHARMACY.
a Doctor of Medicine Who Doesn't
Ponder Over Symptoms.
A g~artender's Pnticnts-The Renee
dies Dispensed from Decanters
--sIzfng Up Patients Mt
n Glance.


New York SUM-
1t is necessary that the night bartender In
= drinking house that keeps open doors
twenty-four hours in a day should be a man
possessing knowledge of his fellow men he
must know when a man has had enough
that is to say, when he has had too much
He must know just when it is necessary to
Interfere in order to prevent a fight, and
must know how to interfere In such a way as
to not make the matter worse. He is some
thing Of a despot like a ships captain at sea,
but he must be governed by prudence in the
exercise of his power.
The foregoing facts were impaired to the
reporter by a man who Is himself a night
bartender and ought 20 know. He continued
that the night bartendersi in New York arc
Tor the most part at the top of their calling
men who have mastered all there is to be
learned by day service and have risen TO a
place like that occupied by the skilled and
faithful officer who is left at the wheel to
steer the vessel through dangerous waters
while others are sleeping. While enumer-
ating some of the things to be mastered the
bartender turned around until bis diamond
dashed upon the glassware of the back bar,
md said:
ale must be able to find in these bottles u
remedy for every ill that a man can carry
around on foot. 1t is wonderful what faith
the great American people have in alcohol as
: cure-all / needn't tell you that it is warm
ing in winter and cooling in summer-every-
body knows that. This gives the a~ble-bodied
IN excuse for drinking pretty regularly. But
1 variety of excuses as well as a variety of
beverages is desirable.
"The class Of patient that comes most fire.
1uently is, perhaps, the man with a gone
feeling in his stomach and a fullness in the
region OF the hat band. He has been out the
night before. His case is an easy one to
treat. l will not humiliate you by presum-
ing that you do not know the remedy. An
other clnss of patient treated almost as fire.
luently is represented by the man who is go
Ing to get some dinner, but doesn't seem to
have any appetite. A mild cocktail, with a
lash of absinthe in it, is the correct thing.
Ho sips 1t, remarks that it is a pleasant drink,
and asks what it is made of. You look him
'teadily in the eye, and say, Il can't tell you,
sir; it is one of the things that are not in the
books and that are told to you after you have
been about ten years in the business. 1 have
customers that never think of going to dinner
without dropping in to get ono of them.'
"The man in search of a mild cathartic ex-
poets you to make him n Santa Cruz sour.
Cor an astringent you administer brandy
and sugar, sometimes with essence of pepper
mint. Everybody knows that rye and rock
is a remedy for every ailment of a pulmonary
nature. II tho patient has malaria in his
system he brings in his quinine pill, and
helps it along with whisky, often with red
pepper shaken into it, For an ordinary chill,
produced by exposure, a horn of whisky,
with something hot in it, will do. Long be-
fore the discovery of rye and rock, rum and
molasses was tho old household remedy for
throat and lung troubles, and it hasn't gone
out OF favor by any means For breaking
up q cold, n hot lemonade with a Stick in it
Is the thing. For heartburn there is nothing
In the pharmacopuaia of the back bar better
than stone fence A gin fizz will often start
eructations and relieve latulence. The vir-
tues of gin as a remedy for a torpid condi-
zion OF the kidneys are too well known to
need rehearsal here.
Besides knowing all the common remedies,
you must be able to size up your patients at
a glance. 1t will do for n doctor Of medicine
to ponder over symptoms, ask questions. and
betray indecision; he has his diploma to fall
back on IL anybody doubts his ability. But
the doctor of alcoholic tipple has no parch-
ment, and must make his own way TO success.
He must first weigh the question whether the
patient himself knows what he wants. Per-
haps I should say he must first grab a bottle
the lemon juice bottle will do-so that he
may seem not to hesitate for an instant. II
it appears that the man knows what he
wants., and that he wants brandy and pep
permint, it is an easy matter to hold the
lemon bottle up toward the light, discover
your mistake, and reach for ths peppermint
bottle. If he doesn't know what he wants,
but begins telling OF his symptoms, just shake
a little Of the lemon into the glass and mix
him up a drink with the air of a specialist,
who diagnosed his ailment the moment he
darkened the door. Set it down before him
and say: Drink that of, sir; 1 think 1t will
go to the right spot The patient will think
either one or the other of two things: That
you've got a great head for medicine, or that
you are useful when ne can't decide himself
what tipple to take"