The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-01-08
WIT AND HUMoR.

dnu OootJaCkS ~ inc tOmCht'
Freckles have become very fashiona-
BILE. The Princess Louise and all the
other nice girls have them.
What relation does the doorstep
bear to the door-matp It's STEP
father.
my DEAR said a wife to her rich
but illiterate husband; 81 want $500"
what fur3" he inquired. "Sealskin
fur" she said, and she got it.
There Is very little satisfaction in hav-
ing man fined five dollars for an as
sault If you have to pay your own law
yer.ten dollars.
The Washington milkmen are not al
lowed to ring bells, as they disturb the
slumbers Of the policemen They
might be allowed to use dumb-bells.
The editor of the Yonkers Record, in
announcing the suspension of his pa
per, said Warm as the weather is,
1t is cold day for the Record.
We observe that the son of an Indian
chief is learning to be plumber.
This will enable him to scalp people
without the aid Of knife.
MAN wants but little here below"
wrote Oliver Goldsmith, but Oliver
didn't stop to consider that the man
who is going to build house wants a
lot.
Mary Churchill has got her ''mad up"
and now practices eighteen hours day
on the piano. 1t is reported that her
father and mother are missing. How
things do change about.
Those picture cards I brought back
from Boston," remarked Mrs. Parting
ton in pensive mood. "They are
momentums OF the Art Loan Imposi-
ton"
Waiter. bring me eleven raw oys-
ters." 1--WE don't give eleven, sir; we
give six or twelve" mo, twelve would
never do; we should be thirteen at
tablet
The surviving friends Of the hero of
Longfellow's Excelsior" did not get
any damages from the company, as at
the time OF his death he was travelling
on pass.
The Connecticut boy who has third
arm growing out of the back will be
able to scratch himself between the
shoulder blades without resorting to
the corner Of building.
Professor Of Chemistry: The sub
stance you see in this vial is the most
deadly poison of all poisons. A single
drop placed on the tongue Of a cat is
enough to kill the strongest man."
During the thick fog the other even
ing Com Com took poor blind man
by the hand and led him to his door.
Telling the story to q friend on the
following day, he cried: 1T is terrible
to be blind In such fog"
The Louisville Courier-JournM has
evidently been there. 1t says woman
among savages is beast of burden; in
Asia she is piece of furniture; in
Europe she is spoiled child; in Ameri-
ca she is boss. " Toledo Blade.
Philadelphia on New York: What
has become of 'Bowery Mike who
kept saloon which was resort for
notorious characters some years ago?"
He is in the Legislature. "And his
partner. where is hep" He got found
out, and is in the Penitentiary."
II at any time you desire the wind to
change suddenly, take pan Of ashes,
go into the back yard. and, facing the
direction that you desire the wind to
blow from, quickly empty your pan.
All who have ever tried this rule have
never found it to fail.
A Lafayette lady model wife and
mother broke her husband of the sa-
loon habit by walking up to the bar
beside him and calling for beer. A
Cincinnati woman tried that, but her
husband only replied: Now you're
acting sensible; here, John, two schoon-
ers.
A young lady in Cincinnati is engag.
ed to be married on certain day pro-
vided she is found to weigh 1875 pounds
at that time. but if she weighs less or
more than l25 pounds the engagement
Is to be broken. Probably such a RI
diculous weigh Of making an engage
ment was never heard before.
johnny" said the teacher, "a lie
can be acted as well as told. Now, if
your father were to put sand in his
sugar and sell it, he would be acting a
lie and doing very wrong" That S
what mother told him." said Johnny
impetuously, land he said he didn't
care. ;"
by Jove! there goes my birdie, ~
exclaimed swell, lodging around the
corner and dragging his companion
after him. Where Is sheP" excitedly
asked the latter. 1T isn't she. It's
my tailor" "Your tailorl Why do
you call him your birdiep" Because
he Is always presenting his bill"
"See here" said an editorial writer.
calling the editor-in-chief, "that fellow
on the WoIfville Scalp has produced an
an argument that l cannot answer.
What shall l do with him?" "Let me
see" unused the editor. looking over
the argument. II reckin you had bet
ter call him liar and drop the contro-
versy. "--ArkansaW Traveller.
The man who was about to marry for
the sixth time, and who replied, We've
| usually sot." when asked by the minis