Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1884-05-31


| I'd get him iato Jail and know where hc
was nights" rctortcd the woman.
"Then what's your complaint against
him?"
"Well, If you mnst know, he's one OF
them plaguey jincrs."
"A whaty"
.'A jmer, one OF them pcsky fools that's
always jiuing something. There cant
nothing come along that's darkaa sly
and hidden but he'll jine it, Ii anybody
should get up a society to burn his house
down, he'd jinc il just as soon rs he could
| get IN, and if they had TO pay to get In
he'd 60 all the suddencr. Wehadn't been
married more'n two months before he
! jincd the Know Nothn's. We lived on y
farm then, and every Saturday night he'd
! come teariu' in before supper, grab a fist
full of nut-cakcs aud go or gnawiu' 'em,
and that's the Last I'd see Of him till morn
ing. And every other night he'd roll anI
tumble in his slcop and holler, Put mono
but Americans on guard-Gcorgc Wash
ington;' and rainy days he'd 80 ont In
the barn and jab at n picture of the Pope
with an old bay'nct that was there.
ought 10 put my foot down then; but he
fooled me so with his lies about the Popc's
coming To make all the Yankee girls marry
lrishmcn, and to cat up all the babies that
warn't barn with a cross on their fore
heads, that let him go on aud cnconr-
aged him in it. .... ......,...
"Then lao jined the Masons. P'raps yon
| know what them be; but | don't, 'ccpt
they think they're The same kind of crit
ters that built Solomon's temple and took
care of his conenbincs; and OF all the con-
founded nonsense and CAB about worship
masters and squares aud compasscs and
sicl ike, that we had In the house for tho
next six months, you never see the beat.
And hos never ou.growcd 1t, nuthcr.
What do you think of n man, squire, that
will dress hisself IN white apron, bout
big enough for n, monkeys bib, and ~
marching up and down, and making mo-
tions and talking the foolishest lingo alta
picture Of George Washington In green
! Jacket and truss on his stomachY Amt
he Il loonytlk? Well that's my Sam, and
I've stood 1t as long as I'm goh' to?
"Thc next lungc the fool made was Into
tho Odd Fellows. / made il warm for
him when bc came home and told mo hc
had jinc,l them; but he kinder pacihed
mo by telling me that they had sort of
branch show that took In women. AMI hc
would get me in as soon as he found ont
how to do ii. Well, ono night he camo
home and said I'd been proposed aud
omcbody had blaclballcd me. Did iiS
hissclf, of course. Didn't want me round
knowing his goings on. Or course no
didn't, and told him so.
''Thcn he iinod tho Sons of Matter.
Didn't say nothing to mo about ii, but
sneaked of one night, pretending he had
got to set up with a sick Odd Fellow; and
I'd never found IL out, only he came homo
looking like n man that had been through
n thrcshng machine, and | wouldn't do
anything for him till lac owned up. And
it's gone from bad 10 WIS, and from WIS
to wussor, jining this and that and the
other, till he's Worship. Minister of tho
Masons, Goddcss Of Hope Of the Odd Fell
lows and Sword-swallOwcr Of the Finni-
gans and Virgin Cerus Of the Grange and
Gram. Mogul Of the Sons Of Indolcncc
and Two-cdgcd Tomaliawk of tic United
Order Of Black Men and Talc-bcarcr Of
the Merciful Manikins and Skipper Of the
Guild of Catherine Columbus and Big
Wizard OF the Arabian knights AMI
Pledge-passcr OF the Reform Club and
Chief Bugler of the Irish Maebinist and
Purse-keopcr Of tho Orderl Of Canadian
Conscience and Double BarrolIed Dicta-
tor OF the knights OF the Brass Circles
and Standarl-bearer OF the Royal Arch
angels and Sublime Porte OF tho Oniou
League and Chambermaid of the Celestial
Cherubs and Puissant POtentagc OF tie
Pctrificd Pig-stickcrs, and the Lord only
knows what else. I've borne il and borne
it, hoping he'd get 'cm all Jincd after -
while, but tain't no use, and when he'd
got into a new one, and been made Grand
Guide Of tho Knights Of Horror, / told
him III quit-and VIII"
Here the Major Interrupted her, saying:
"Wcll, yonr husband is pretty well In
itiated, that's fact, but the court will
hardly call that good cause for divorce.
The most Of tho societics you mentioned
are composed Of honorable men, aid have
excellent repatations.' Many of them,
though called Lodges, are Relief Associa-
tions and Mutual Insurance CompanIcs,
which, if your V husband should die,
would take care Of you, and which, would
not see you suffer if yoa were sick. .'''i'
"See me snifer WREN I'm sick. Take
care OF me whcn he's dead! Well, guess
not can take care OF myself when he's
dead, and IL I can't TN get smother.
There's plenty Of them. And they ncedn't
bother themselves when I'm sick, either.
II want to be sick and suffer, it's none
Of their business; especially after all tho
suffering I've had VIXEN / ant sick, be-
cause Of their carryipgs-on.'. And you
needn't try and make me believe it's all
right, either. I know what it j. to live.
with a nan that jines 80 many lodges
that he don't ever lodge at bome, and
sigma his name, 'Ycqrs truly, Sam Smith,
NJ. NJ; !. o. o. f.; 10. b.; X. Of r.;
P.,of H.; r. A. Hi !. r.; K.of X; N.
C.; l.. T.. T.; III. u. R;iR.J. r.; ky.
IL, ete!> ~ - .r.~.1H l1l.3.3 e-... .a
"Oh, that's harmless amuscment," re-