Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1884-11-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

YOU got married. ''Not at al: L
have as much club life as ever. The
only trouble is my wife carries the
club"
"Oh. mamma, mammal" said little
girl the other day, as she saw chick
en- without any feathers in its tail, "see
dat ole hen! She has losted the rib
bons out of her polonaise. :"
"Clothes!" exclaimed Yeast the
other morning to his wife. who was i'm
portuning her husband for some sum-
mer fixings; ''why, l haven't re.
spectacle pair of trousers to my back!'
Trust men and they will trust you,
said Ralph Waldo Emerson. 'Trust
men and they will bust you," says an
ordinary, everyday business man.
Cincinnati Saturday Might
American titles of distinction" says
the Judge, arc "Bearon Wallstreet,
Count Yourchickens, Earl Ytobed."
Oh. yes; and there's Duke Comtobed
also, and Prints Allthenews.
Commenting on the census showing
that the number of persons in each
family is fraction over five, cynical
| old bachelor superiuously adds that
the husband is the fraction over.
They have a pound for cats in
BROOKLYN, says an exchange. We have
| a pound for them in Boston, and it will
| be administered with anything that
| comes within our reach.-BoStof Post.
"Love is blind" Maybe that's how
the gas is so often turned down in the
parlor when love takes possession.
Because why? Love being blind there
is no use in wasting gas to make light
for it.
A man will laugh at woman en-
deavoring to sharpen lead pencil,
but he does not reflect that if he were
to try ever so hard he could never trim
last years hat so that it looks like
new.
The Summer offers great induce.
mcnts to lovers. There are picnics,
excursions. parks, front door court
ships, pleasure strolls, ice cream, and
better still, they can see all the styles
of baby coaches.
II think 1 will 60 to Ohio to live"
said a maiden of uncertain age. "What
for?" asked her grandfather. ''Be-
cause there is one factory there that
makes 10000 matches every day. she
replied, with sigh.
Young man, in looking for wife
look for an economical one. The girl
who in this sort of weather won't let
| YOU hug her until she has taken off her
collar, and thus saved it from being
mussed, is the one who shows practical
| economy.
'sMa," said Miss Parvenu, 'Jenny
Jones has been presented at court in
London" That's nothing" replied
ma. "Why, was in court two whole
weeks when my sister was getting her
divorce. We are just as good as the
Joneses."
A man who suddenly got rich in a
speculation has read somewhere that
, every family, the richest and the
proudest, has skeleton in its closet,
and now he's skirmishing around to
buy skeleton, as his wife and daugh-
tiers want to be in the style.
This is the time of the year that the
young man Just out of the high school
, begins to perfect himself in jumping,
running, rowing, boxing and club
swinging, that he may pass q salts
factory examination at Harvard, and
get into the Freshman class.-Puck.
Il don't think the chorus girls OF
, the Boston Ideals are so very hand
some," said q youth to his companion
the other day. Il guess you. are
prejudiced," said the grandfather, who
was present: II know some of 'em,
and they were called very pretty when
was a boy"
"Shall I sing When the Robins Nest
| Again. darling?" she asked with a
| sweet smile as she moved toward the
, | piano. Eyes, love-" he replied; then
, | after moments pause he added: cal
, low me to call your attention to the
fact that the robins won't nest again
) till next year"
When think that there are men who
are bold enough to look woman in
: the face, to address her, to shake her
, by the hand, and to say to her without
sinking to the ground, with terror:
'Wil you marry me?" cannot help
wondering to what lengths human
: audacity will go.-Stahh
A-"You see that man over opposite?
! Well, he was once one of the most re-
r spectacle and respected citizens in
, town." Bland isn't he now?" A
':Alas! no. He went yachting last
Summer and saw the sea serpent. "
Bland what of that?" A-"Every-
r body speaks of him now as liar and q
{ drunkard.
Somehow the young ladies don't
; seem to grasp the leap-year idea as
:, they should. They ought to fly around
and spend their time and money on the
young men, who have to do that sort OF
thing three years on the stretch. Leap
year was designed expressly to give
r the young men financial rest, as it
, were, and they need it, too.
A countrywoman, who was visiting
her married daughter in New York,
wrote home that she was Giving on a
fiat" A family council was held to
determine what the phrase meant. The
oldest son, who had been to the city,
big house." But the majority came to
tho conclusion that she meant that she
was living on her STANDARDIZATION
Post.
The girl with soft gray eyes and
ripping brown hair, who walked all
over your poor, fluttering heart at the
charity ball, has just finished q crazy
quilt containing 1904 pieces of neck
, ties and hat-linings, put together with
1880 stitches. And her poor old
father fastens on his suspenders with q
long nail, a piece of Irvine, a sharp
| stick, and one regularly ordained but
| tOn.-BaITLi7adt07 HdaUEeue,
key, who has recently returned
from personally misconducted trip to
J Paris, is never tired of relating his
, wonderful adventures to his doting but
somewhat suspicious mamma. you'd
hardly believe it, said key; "but all
the boys and girls in Paris speak
French as easy as I speak English.
"And who teaches themp" said tho
old lady, flushing ominously. II
don't know" said key; "but it is still
more funny to hear all the French dogs
bark in English"