Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-06-05
HUMOROUS.

In the social circles of the chicken
yard the lines are very distinctly drawn
for each hen has her own set.-Mer
chant Trareler.
"What is wanted in this country
said the bride as she examined the wed
ding presents. ''is silver service reform
that set is plated. "-SomerriUe Jour-
nal.
Herbert Spencer's lucid remark
that an incidental force falling on an
aggregate containing like and unlike
units, segregates the like units and sep
arateS the unlike" never strikes a
young man so forcibly as when a tailor
| refuses to trust him for a new suit
| NorristOUn Herald.
-Precocious child "Ma, how old is
Aunt Carolina?' Fond mother: ''Sixty-
three. Why do you ask?" P. c.:
because want to know if she is as old
as that why can't call her Antique"
Fond mother reflects upon the advance
of progress and the gradual disappear
ance OF childish children.-B0ston Ga.
zette.
"A newly-married man on being
presented with Il brass kettle by few Of
his bachelor friends, said: s'Gentle-
men: l thank you for this kind token of
your esteem; but this present has one
significance which you may not have
considered will keep my family in
hot water as long as it lasts. Carl
RetzeEs Weekly.
-Puggles is greatly mashed on a
young girl from the East who is visiting
friends here. The other day he took
her out for drive and they passed a
place where an old farmer was carting
straw from an old stack and scattering
it over hisfield to enrich it. ''What is
that he is doing?" said she. "Oh, he's
putting out straw in his field" replied
Puggles. ''Ah, me. So he's planting
straw, is he? And in few days he Il
raise those dear, delightful strawberries
that you have in the West. "-Erans-
viNe Argus.
AT dinner party the little son of
the host and hostess was allowed to
come down to dessert. Having had
what his mother considered sufliciency
OF fruit, he was told he must not have
any more, when, to the surprise of
every one of the guests, he exclaimed:
" Ii you don't give some more I'll tell"
whereupon he was suddenly and swiftly
removed from the room, but he had
just time to convulse the company by
exclaiming: MY new trousers are
made out of mas old bedroom cur
tains!--Chicago Tribune.
The bootblack in question is a
small, dilapidatcd urchin. who may be
seen in the vicinity of the post Office at
such times as he is not otherwise en-
gagged in the gallery of the Comique or
pitching pennies in side alley. The
man whom he followed and solicited to
submit to the operation of "a shine"
had reused several time, and finally
petulantly exclaimed: didn't / tell
you five minutes ago that l didn't
want my boots blacked?' eyer did,
replied the gamin; "but /
thought yer might be lying about it. -
Providence Press.
The memory of drunken man is
sometimes strikingly alive. A we'll
known citizen stood in q bar-room at. |
to induce every man to drink.
Very naturally his war experience soon
came up, and with that chest-swell
of pride which ever characterizes the
old soldier, said: Il fought seven bat
ties during the war, and amt afraid of !
no man." Come on and 90 home"
remarked a friend, taking his arm.
mo, won't 60 home. l fought seven
battles, and amt afraid of no man, but
| won't go home. am a married
man. "-Arkansas zr0ve1es.