Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-01-03
MIRTH AND INCREMENT

Were you acquainted with the MUIR
dered man % asked the prosecuting at
tornsy of q cOlored witness for the de-
Tense in murder case--tbe willingness
of the witness to say all that he could
in behalf of the prisoner was very ap-
par Mt. {" know'd him he was Dc
honestest, best" Never mind
about his honesty. You ray you knew
him ?" " Yes, sab ; an l'se proud ter
say nebber know'd sich noble"
Nobody ask' you about that. What
was the condition OF his health? Was
he not III robust health 2" No, sab !;
he was de feeblest niegah Iebber seed"
He was killed by the accused, was
he not o. " / can't say so, sah."
What is your reason % "My ides
am dat he was in SIGH bad health dat.
chen ef he badn't been killed when he
was, be would bab died anyhow at
least two days previous, sab %
A prominent physician was heard
using very uncomphmeDtary language
about certain butcher. "Why Is it,"
asked trieui Of the doctor, "that you
abuse that butcher so much? You are
ev-rlastinRly saying mean things about
him "Iye got good reason to talk
about him. Last winter owned fat
pig. I sent for the butcher tn kill and
dress it. He did 30, but what do YOU
lhink he told me when l wanted to
know what the bill wasp" 81 have no
idea" "Well, sir, the butcher patted
me on the back and said "Never
mind about the bill, doctor. We pro-
fessional men must help each other
out l was no mad at the fellow 1
could have "Prescr bed for
him." ided the doctors friend.
There was, many years ago, a Lazy
Mans Society organized in Philadel-
phia, One OF the articles required that
that no man belonging to the society
should ever be in hurry. Should he
violate this article he must stand treat
t. the other members. Now, it happen
o. on a time that the doctor was driv-
ing pc t. haste through the streets to
visit patient The members of the
society saw hin, and chuckled over
the idea of a treat and on his return
reminded him Of bis fast driving and
violation of the ru es. mot at ALL"
said the doctor. 1.-The truth is, my
horse was determined TO go, aid l felt
too lazy to stop him." They did not
catch him that time.
She had q croOked-handled parasol,
and with 1t she reached up and pulled
the bell strap of Michigan avenue
(Detroit) car. "Hey Mr. Boggs, be
your folks at home ?" she screeched to
bald. headed man on the sidewalk.
Why, Liza, il that you -? Yes, Mary
AIMS ter home. Amt ysr'goin' ter
stop 90 When l come back. I'm
goin' down town TO do some shoppin'
and git me q new bunnit. Tell Mary
Ann I'll be back before dinner and
we'll" At this point the conductor
pulled the bel.-cord and seventeen pas.
sengers groaned.
uring q big thunder shower, little
Willie, who slept upstairs alone, got
scared and called his mother, who came
up and asked him what he was brighten
ed about. Willie adm ted that the thumb
,r was a little too mu h for youngster
who slept alone. Well, if you are
afraid" said his mother, you should
pray for courage" "Well, all right"
said Willie, an idea coming into his
head, suppose you stay up hero and
pray, while 60 down stairs and sleep
with pa"
Yes" said the colonel. " I was on q
jury in Cali o.nia OIL co. 1t vas .mur.
der trial. didn't want the fellow hung,
and so stuck ont against the other elev-
en- for nine days, locked up in jury
room, when they gave in, and we
,nht ", x,arHipf of tnnf nyri1fu ,
And then l was the maddest man in
mad about, colonel ?" "'Cause the
mob had hung the prisoner the first day
we were locked up"
" The idea Of putting John on q
jury !" exclaimed Mrs. Tompkins,
when she heard that her husband
had been drawn. They might as
well order new trial right of. They
won't get him to agree on verdict. He
is the most obstinate nan I ever saw.
| never knew him to agree with his
own wife in anything, and it isn't at
all likely he's going to agree with peo-
pie he doesn't know anything about.
A pretty juryman he is.
"Mary, why did you kiss your hand
to the young gentleman opposite this
?" said careful parent to his
daughter. "Why that fellow
hal the impudence to throw kiss clear
across the street at me, and, of course,
threw it back indignantly. You
wouldn't have me encourage him by
keeping it, would you ?" Suspicious
paternal relative is convinced that he
drew an erroneous Inference.
A Clergyman's story OF His Life