Morning journal and courier., 1884-11-05
ELECTED.

Hard on him.-Sententious gent-"Depend
 upon it, my dear Miss Sharpe, in most cases
 Ignorance is bliss'" Cruel fair one-'tWhy aren't you happier, then?'-Fun. It is said that American babies swallow 1 500 thimbles annually. This may account for the surprising amount of brass noticed in the composition of the grown-up American baby.
 Bridal cakes are sometimes kept for fifty or hundred years, and no wonder. If the bride makes it herself she does not want to throw it away and nobody will eat it.-Phil- adelphia Call.
 Wanted-Coachman; deaf and dumb, ! lame man, not less than 60 years of age; one
 who has lost an eye, or is otherwise disfg-
 ured, preferred. Address, Millionaire" |" New York city.-Chicago Tribune. ssHotel clerks are human beings" says the Hotel Register. This is important, if true; but we have always supposed them to be | demi- gods at least. If they are human be- \ ings they are very superior ones.-Boston Transcript.
 t'I'm fum Misteh Brown, mum-gen' 'lemen whut lives 'cros de way. He says won't yer please shut dem winders wen de young la { dy's a playin'?" f'But thought MT. Brown \ was musical himself2'' ''Thass whut's de R mattah, mum.-Puck.
 An ingenious girl confded to a friend that | she thought a certain young gentleman was going to propose. 'FIm sure of it, ," she said \ earnestly 0Why, only the other evening when he called he told me how to prevent babies from being bow-legged. San Fran \ cisco Ingleside.
 e'Are you dude and Pharisee?" said the ! machine politician, scornfully, as he entered \ the office of the Independent editor. 'FI am, \ and a kicker, too'' said the editor as he lift ed the intruder adown the winding stair with his light fantastic toe.-Philadelphia Rec ord.
 Heine tells in his correspondence of resi- | dent of Frankfort who used to interlard his conversation with frequent exclamations of | "Im a Jew, and Pm proud of it" "Why are you proud of its" finally asked some one. Because if wasn't proud of it I should be
 Jew all the same; consequently it is to my advantage to be proud of it. /"
 ! MT. O'Shea's last installment of "Leaves l from the Life of a Special Correspondent, in Tinsiey's Magazine, contains clever say ing of Louis Napoleon when he was 1n Ne" \ York with his cousin Pierre. '1n the course I of one of their perambulations, the cousins passed money-changer's shop. In the win dow there was the inscription, 'Napoleons \ wanted here for sovereigns.' The son o1 | Queen Hortense smiled sly smile and re- ! marked, That exactly suits my desires. ,"
 esSo old Scrapetil1 is dead at last," ob { served David, from the interior of his even ing paper; "oceans of money, too" w hal did he do with ita" queried Dora. "Ohl he
 left it here and there" said David. ''That
 scapegrace son gets quarter of million \ If he doesn't paint the town red, now, ther Pm Canadian" ''I should think, :" unused 1 Dora, softly, as she helped herself to another I needleful of silk-'I should think that any 1 body with quart of vermillion might paint town very red indeed" And David was SC astounded that he put his paper in the frt and laid fresh stick of wood in the very
 center of the plush-covered tabse.-Rockland 1 Courier.
 Foreigner Cat fashionable American water ing p1ace)-'sI cannot see why such plain humble looking people as some of those you have here should be willing to come to gay place like this or able to pay the enormous ! prices you charge. should think farmers 1 would want to save their money to buy blows and hoes and such things" Hotel clerk-''l
 do not notice any such people here as you
 describe" "Why, look at that old gentle man over there Belongs in some village
 don't he? a mere nobody, evidently" ''That is very eminent member of the cabinet. 7 ! "Bless my starsl We'll, who is that distin,
 guished looking parsonage in dress suit looking out of the window?' F'That is the
 head waiter. Philadelphia Call.