Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-03-07
THE LAND SLIDE CASE.
Some OF Mark Twain's Alleged Hun

valleys-very high and very steep, and so
when the snow gets to melting off fast in
the spring, and the warm surface earth
begins to moisten and soften, the disas-
trous land slides commence.
Gen. Buncombe was shipped out to
Nevada in the invoice OF territorial Off
GERS to be United States attorney.
One morning Dick Sides rode furiously
up to Gen. Buncombe's door, in Carson
City, and rushed into his presence with
out stopping to tie his horse. He seemed
much excited. He told the general that
he wanted him to defend suit for him,
and would pay him $500 if he achieved q
victory. And then, with violent gestures
and word of profanity, he poured out
his griefs. He said it was pretty well
known that for some years he had been
farming Cor ranching, as the customary
term is). in Washoe district, and making
successful thing of it; and, further
more, it was known that his ranch is stu
ated right in the edge of the valley, and
that Tom Morgan owned ranch imms-
diately above it, on the mountain. And
now the trouble was that one of those
hated and dreaded land slides had come
and slid Morgan's ranch, fences, cabins,
cattle, barns, and everything down on top
of his ranch, and exactly covered up every
vestige of his property to the depth of
abeut six feet Morgan was in posses
sion, ard refused to vacate the premises
said he was occupying his own cabin, and
not interfering with any body else's-and
said cabin was standing on the same dirt
and same ranch it had always stood on,
and would like to see anybody make him
vacate.
"And wien l reminded him." said
Sides, weeping, "that it was on top OF
my ranch, and that was trespassing, he
had the internal meanness to ask me why
did not stay on my ranch and hold pos
session when / saw him coming. Why
didn't I stay on it The blathering luna
tic When | heard that racket and look
ed up that hill it was just like the whole
world was ripping and tearing down
that mountain side-trees going end over
end in the air /; rocks as big as a house
jumping about thousand feet high and
bursting into n million pieces cattle
literally turned inside out and coming
head on with their tails hanging ont be-
tween their teeth. ] Just took one glimpse
of that speckticle, general, and lit out n
the country IN three jumps exactly.
''But what grinds me is chat Morgan
hangs on there and won't move of'n the
ranch--says it's hisn and he's going to
keep it-likes it better'n he did when il
was higher up the hill. Mad Well.
I've been so mad for two days 1 couldn't
find my way to town-been wandering
around in the bush in n starving condi-
tion-got anything to drink, general
Rut Pm hnra and IT,, 10 l.,
You hear mo?
The innocent general was amazed He
said he had suspected before that the poo.
pie OF that territory were fools and now
he knew it. But" he said, "rest easy,
rest easy, and collect the witnesses fol
the victory is just as certain as if the con.
fict was already over" Sides wiped away
his tears and left.
At two in the afternoon Referee Roop' S
court opened, and the remorseless old
joker appeared, throned among his sher-
ifs, his witnesses and "packed" jury
and wearing upon his face fraudulent
solemnity 80 awe-inspiring that some OF
his fellow conspirators had misgiyings
that maybe he had not comprehended,
after all, that this was merely joke. Ar
uneNrthly stiffness prevailed, for at the
slightest noise the Judge uttered sternly
the command:
"Order in the court T.
"Way for the United States attorney =
The witnesses were called-legislators
high government officials, ranchmen,
miners, Indians, Cinnamon, negroes
Three-fourths Of them were called by
the defendant, Morgan, but, no matter
their testimony Invariably went in favor
of the plaintiff, Sides. Each new wit
ness only added new testimony to the alb
surdity of mans claiming to own an
other mans property because his farm
had slid down on top of it. Then the
Morgan lawyers made their speeches, anG
seemed to make singularly weak ones
They did really nothing to help the Nor
gan cause. And now the general with &
great glow of triumph on his face, got W
and made mighty effort /; he pounded
the table, he banged the law books, h,
shouted and roared and howled, he quoted
from everything and everybody, poetry
sarcasm, statistics, history, pathos anC
blasphemy, and wound up with wa
whoop for free speech, freedom of til,
press, free schools and tho glorious brit
of America and the principles of eterna
justice. (Applause.)
Ex-Governor Roop leaned his head up
on his hand for some minutes, thinking
profoundly, and the still audience waitol
breathlessly for his decision. Then h
got up and stood erect, with bended head
and thought again. Then he walked tn
floor with long, deliberate strides, an
his chin in his hand, and still the audienc
waited. At last he returned to his thron
and seated himself. The shorifrs com
manded the attention of the court. Judg
Roop cleared his throat and said
"Gentlemen, l feel the great response
blilty that rests upon me this day. Thi
is no ordinary case. On the contrary
is plain it is the most solemn and awfu
that ever man was called upon to decide
Gentlemen, | have listened attentively
the evidence and the weight of it az i
favor of the plaintiff, Sides. | have III
tened also to the remarks Of counsel wit
high intereBt--and especially will | con
mend the mastery and irrefutable logi
of the distinguished gentleman who rel
resent the plaintiff. Bnt gentlemen, Ii
us beware how we allow human testimC
ny, human ingenuity in arguments an
human IDEAS Of equality to influence l
to our undoinS at n moment 80 solemn 1
this
"Gentlemen, it ill becomes us, worn
Ms we are, to meddle with the decree {
, heaven. ii is plain to me that heaven,
its iuscruuble wisdom, has seen fit
move this defendants ranch for pu
pose. We are but creatures, and we mu
, submit. If heaven has chosen to fave
the defendant Morgan in this marked al
, wonderful manner ; and il heaven, III
satisfied with the position Of the MorgG
ranch upon the mountain side, has chose
to remove it TO a position more eligib
, and more advantageous for its owner,
: ill becomes IFS, insects as we are, to que
ton the legality Of the act. No. heav,
created the ranches, and it is heaven
! prerogative to rearrange them, to expel
!, ment with them, tp shift them around
its pleasure. 1t is for us to submit wit
out utrepining. / warn you that this thiI
= Which has happened is thing with viii,