Daily Republican., 1884-04-18
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

"My dear" said Q New York wife
her husband, ~ was looking over
bundle Of old letters to-day, and foul
this one, which you wrote to me befo
we were married, when you were your
; and sentimental" "Whst does
say ?" "I'll read 1t. Sweet idol
my lonely heart II thou wilt place th
hand In mine, and say, dear love, l.
be your bride, we'll fly to sunny Italy
land meath soft cerulean skies we
bask and sing and dream of naught bu
love- Rich andcostlypictures shallsdor
the wallis Of the castle shall give the,
THY bath shall be Of milk. A box a
the opera shall be at thy command an
royalty shall be thy daily visitor
Sweet strains Of music shall luil the
at eventide, and warbling birds shal
wake thee from thy morning s!umber
D0st thou accept? Say yes, an,
fly, oh, fly with + "And I flew," sal
the wife but if had been as fly q
l sm now l wouldn't have flown p
On returning to his family, after al
absence of some weeks, Captain John
son had been driven from Kingstown h
Dublin by carman, who, locking
discon tentedly at the fare paid him
said: "Sure your honor will give {
trifis more than this?" "NOt q rap
said the captain. "Bad luck to me, bu
you would" persisted the carnan, "i
you knew all, then" "What do yor
maan?" asked johnson, anxiously.
" Faix, dat's tellin's, anyway; and Ii
1t only for my fare L IN to tell my news?'
" Well, well," said the captain, "here'l
another shilling. Now, what has hap
pened?" Sorra the harm at ALL" re.
piled Pat, "only thought you'd not
begrudge little extra som'at to know
that driv the last three miles without
a linch-pin."
Pa" said the daughter of the house
to the man OF the house the other even
ing, " What are we going to have for
breakfast?" ~ have ordered Lyon
naise tripe, my child" was the fathers
"Aud where does that come
frsm, pa? Does 1t come from an animal,
or does it grow" "It Is taken from
an animal, my dear" "Oh, l know,
then"--after a pause to think up her
natural history" then tits taken from
lionessesr isn't II, PAP" Pa was weak
enough to ray Yes"
At a school in the country the sen.
tsnce, Mary milks the cow" was
given out to be parsed. The last word
was disposed OF as follows Cow IL
noun, feminine gender, singular num-
Der, third person, and stands for Mary"
= Stands for Mary" said the excited
1edagogue !" how do you make that
,nt?" Because" answered the intelli-
gent pupil, If the COW didn' stand for
Mary how could Mary milk her?"
An ignorant Irishman seeing several
,ersons reading with spectacles, went
o buy a pair to enable him to read. He
RED several pairs without success,
md at last informed the dealer thai
hey would not answer, as he could not
ead with them. "Can you read at
Il? 2" inquired the dealer. "Can
cad ?" said Pat. "An', i'll could, do
e suppose I'd ba such a fool as to buy |
psctaclcs %
a Michigan girl told her young man
hat she would never marry him until
10 was worth ten thousand dollars.
10 he started out with brave heart to
make 1t. How are you getting on,
ieorgc O. she asked, ut the expiration |
/ couple of months. Well," said |
ieorse, hopefully, 81 have saved
wenty-two dollars" The girl dropped
er eyelashes, and blushingly remark.
d, /" reckon that's near enough,
ieorge."
WE'LL" said George, glancing at the
lock. which was on the stroke Of mid
light, :" think lad better make a :
.ove," and he got up to 60. eff you
'ould, DEAR" she said, listening ap.
to an Ominous creaking in |
ne room above, :" it would be a wise
nd timely move for you, I'm sure, and
will gladly second the notion" She
Ot him out of the front door, but there
as no time TO lose. |
One night woman was trying to get
er drunken husband home, and as she
ulled him along the streets, her words
nd actions we're 30 tender that BY
.ander said
"We'l, all drunkards' wives haven't
our disposition" s-h-h ! don't say
uythlng," she replied, In a whisper,
l've got to call hir, pet names to get
I'D home ; but wait till he drops in
10 front passage--be there then 70
A pretentious sharper, calling at the
onse Of an acquaintance, seeking to
lgratiate himself by paying court to
ie little boy of the family, said to him
Come here, my little man. When
on re grown up, what are you going
do ?' shan't do what pa says
on do" What's that, my little
IAN 2" He says you do your credi.
rs, and | shan't do my creditors 70 :
Mamma "What nice candy the
,ntleman is giving you Now, don't
rRet your manners. What do you say
the gentleman, johnny" Johnny
Dunno" Mamma-"Oh, yes you do.
ant you remember 2" Johnny-"No.
andy's awful good. 'Mamma-"What
res mamma say when papa gives her
lot of money to 60 shopping ?" John
p" More"
Smith met Brown with his bride.
ley have just returned from their
edding tour. "Wbere are they 90.
z to live ?" 81 don't know. He
Id me he had been house. hunting {
nee yesterday morning, and intended (
take a fiat" "Ah indeed He {
IS then decided to follow his wife's q
ample"
Mr.. CIGsus (to Mrs. G., as they 90 |
me from the dinner party y)-"Well,
ter the ladies left, we had coffee in r
ps that, 10 help me didn't hold two r
aud told old what 's-his- a
me that gave the dinner that folks =
He'd me mean, but never cut things r
wn to such dashed fine point as
lt !' =
A French lady would eat only such l.
; es as she was acquainted with, and y
ing on one occasion pressed to par
70 of dish new to her, she politely tt
lied, thinking she was expressing 81
rself in admirable English "No, | tt
INK you; eat only my acquaint- t.
ces " b
is talk dying out ?" asks a maya ;.
10 writer. The writer should listen IL IL
three or four girls who have met for - a,
rlf HIM nj, hax