Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-01-23
PLEASANTRIES.

GIVE find that the deceased came to
his death by calling Tom Wall1ngs a
liar. Business-like verdict of an Idaho
jury.
ANOTHER bank has failed in Glasgow.
Robbie Burns probably meant eye
banks and breaks o. Bonny Doom
The H0tchet.
The man who dropped tin tobacco
tag into the contribution plate says he
at least deserves the credit of having
put IN an appearance.
A BOY in York State has swallowed a
tin whistle. We are sorry for the whis-
tie, very sorry, but what relief it must
be to the neighbors.-BatrJi12gto1a Free
Press.
"WHY is young lady's age after she
has reached 25 like floral wedding
bell ?" asked an outsider. And he says
it IS :" because it is never told;" but that IS
libel.
PROF. SWIFT says he has seen stars
through the tail of a comet 10000
miles thick. That must have been an
awful fall when the professor first put
on skates.
"MAY I have the honor to conduct
your daughter to the supper-table ?"
"Why, of course; and you can take me,
too. That's what we came here for" p
Texas NeWS.
LANDS are measured in rods, leagues
and SO fourth" said the teacher.
"Now, what is Surveyor" ga land
leaguer!" shouted one of the boys
~. Y. Com. advertiser.
A Boston girl fell in love with gray
haired old man, and some of her ac-
qualntances were mean enough to say
| that she had got the antique craze
Burlington Free Press.
THERE are said to be II, 900 one-legged
men in the United States. OBe-legged
men form the most peaceful and submits
sive clement of our population. They
never kick.-BoStOn Globe.
eyes," said Mrs. Egomoi. 81 used
to think great deal of Mrs. Goode, she
was always SO kind to me; but, then, I've
found out that she treats everybody Just
the same. '-BOSton Transcript.
"No," said the generous man. "I
haven't got that horse now. l found it
cost me more to keep him than he was
worth, so l gave him to my brother as
| Christmas present. "-LoUeU Citizen.
OUT west the cellar is the place to go
In time of cyclones, and when man has
barrel of cider in the cellar its surpris-
ing how many times day he thinks
there's a cyclone coming. Boston Post.
PUTTING it pleasantly: Sir Pompey's
architect producing a plan)- There,
Sir Pompey, [ Aatter myself I have
made that drawing plain to even the
meanest capacity l"-Londora Punch.
AUNT LINDY-"Fo' de life O. me,
chile, cawn't 'magin' why yo's SO lit
tIe." Winnie What 'dicklus ques-
ton. I was bon little; OATS why. Ye
thinks [ made myself, does yer?"-Life.
OUR national paper currency is said
to be poisonous from being colored with
arsenic. That's where the poor editors
revenge comes in. He doesn't have TO
handle the stuff. Burlington Free
Press.
A SKETCH in story paper is called,
ga Woman's Smile" It is evidently
founded on glass of soda water. A
mans Sc smile" would make a stronger
foundation for o story.-Norr6StOWn
Herald.
New YORK alderman If thin nooze-
p8piz is to report the prosadin's of us
private gintlemin managin; the pooblic
affairs whoy, the saycrits of statesman
ship will all be give away an the bust
ness kilt entoirely. "-Puck.
"SMIrH & Co.," remarked Fogg,
reading a store sign; 'who is tho Cop
cob" replied Brown, "that is young
Purseley, who goes to learn the bust
ness !" "Ah!' said Fogg. ST see; he
is believer in Co. education. ''-,BOStoqa
Transcript.
WILMoTT wrote: Every year carries
away something beloved and precious
into a soft and visionary twilight This
is very true; every year about this time
we look for our rubber boots, and and
they are gone-given to some tramp
Lowell Citizen.
OFFENSIVE modesty; New customer
=" 1 don't so much care what the
things are made of, you know. All want
is to look like a gentleman. Tailor
with uncalled. for indiference)- Well,
sir, can assure you that will do my
very best. London Punch.
SIS blindness ever durable, doctor ?"
asked man of one of our NJ. D. 3 YES
terday. ''Not generally" replied the
doctor, 81 but not long ago I saw man
stone blind temporarily restored by a
cup of Coffee" GLOW was that ?'' 'SHe
was eating his dinner, and the waiter
asked him if he would have coffee. He
replied, Yes, and took up cup and
saw, sir. oil City Derrick.