, 1884-09-07
HE SHAVED BEN BUTLER
In Exactly ? Minutes and 36 Seconds,
and Didn't Use Any Lather.

Whom did you say you shaved2''
asked the reporter.
Ben Butler-the w~orkingman' S eandi-
date for the Presidency, you know, - said
the barber. ut was during the war, just
about the second year of the rebellion, |
think. Butler had come on to Boston
from the front to consult with Governor
Andrew about the Massachusetts, troops,
and he put up at the Parker House. |
had never seen him in my life, but every
body knew his face, for there was scarcely
a window in the city that didn't have his
picture in it those days. | had just put
my apron ont was early in the morning
when he came into the shop putting
and blowing, and without saying a word
took my chair. l started to mix the
lather, when he growled at me and said
see here; | don't want any of that
~confounded stuff on my face
Don't you want a shave, sir?' said |.
What in thunder and lightning do
you suppose | came here for? OF course
| want a shave he said, and l want one
devilish quick, too. L never use lather.
just 60 ahead and shave me as I am.
Without anything on your face - 1
asked again, for | thought | had misun-
derstood him.
Yes, without anything on my face.
How often must 1 tell you that ? | had
only three minutes to spare when | came
in here, and now you have wasted nearly
thirty seconds. Let me get out OF here in
two minutes and a half, and LII give you
a dollar. Come on.
well, sir, | hardly knew how to begin
for l had never shaved anybody that way
before in my life, but he fastened that
queer eye of his on me and electrified me
with it. | went to work on his face. l
have shaved 'longshoremen, hod-carriers,
cowboys, book agents, life insurance so
~licitors, lightninY-rod men, lawyers, and
newspaper reporters, but l never saw or
felt, since or before, a cheek that could
equal his in toughness.
L dulled my razor the very first stroke
| gave him, but as he was in such a
hurry l didn't stop to hone it. When |
had shaved about half of his right jaw |
noticed that the razor lifted the stubble
out by the roots, and I said:
DO l hurt your
Never mind; go ahead; | amt a
chicken he answered with a growl.
well, | went ahead just Il blowing up
the stubbles by the roots, but my CON
science wouldn't let me go on that way, so
| reached for the strop.
Hone your DANCED razoro on my chin,
he yelled, I don't val any baby business.
That's the way l do it at home.
80 l honed the razor on his chin, and
l swear to you it beat any grindstone l
ever saw.
Then l pitched in again and com-
menced on the left cheek. You wouldn't
believe me, maybe, but the grating of the
razor on his face sounded like the noise of
a buzz saw. took a big pimple off while
turning around to order a crowd of news
boys and bootblacks away from the door.
and my heart almost stood still with
fright.
Il beg Sour pardon. General said l
but 1 couldn't help it ?
Help what2' said he, starting.
~ Il o,,t ro,,r Co., EttIo . Ia
" Did you? Well, never mind-hurry
up or I'll leave the chair as | am.
He was bleeding, but l stopped it
with a piece of court-plaster and some
powder, and | went for him again. | felt
sorry for the poor man. and when [
nipped a wart off his under-lip, | thought
I'd sink through the floor. But when |
looked at him to see what effect it was go
ing to have, he was fast asleep.
Asleep
Yes, sir, and sleeping just as quietly
as if he were under the influence of a
mild and pleasant narcotic.
when finished shaving him ! woke
him up.
"'Ah, he said, i have been asleep. A
shave like that always soothes me. Let
me see, how long have you been at it 2
Two minutes and t~hirty-six seconds,
said l.
six seconds out of the way. said he.
Young man, have you no respect for
your word? Do you see nothing sacred
in a contract between man and man
You undertook to shave me in two min
utes and a half; you haven't done it-you
are six seconds behind time. Where is
the proprietor? l want to tell him what
| think of a barber shop that employs
men who have no regard for their honor.
THE proprietor hadn't got down, so l
told him so.
All, said he, that accounts for it.
While your employer is away YOU think
yourself at liberty to dilly-dally with Gus
toners and cause them to lose valuable
time. | have half a mind to hand you
over to the police, sir
Il told him that | had shaved him in
less time than any other barber in Boston
could do it, but he stormed around and
finally left, saying that he would never
enter the shop again, but would use his
influence to keep all respectable people
away from it,"
How about the dollar he promised
your"
well, | never heard anything more
from, him until ba BALLAD in aga;n a da,, or
two afterward; | was busy, but he sat
down and said he would wait for me. |
shaved him as | did the irst time, but as
he said nothing about being in
a hurry, took it l%eisurely