Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1884-04-25
1atrospectire Philosophy.

A long-hstred gentleman .wh;,e n.sv.
ing a barber shop was accoz a. pass hH :
barber who, on the lookout for vol
stood in the doorway: 1900
Say, Cap'n, better come in and Lot
me U yer ha'r."
why do You want to cut my hairp"
ss. st and politely replying to the
Taselts mighty long boss"
mar Is where your depraved grasp
aor gam gets the better Of your ludg-.
e%ina,od NY ha'r has just been closely
What makes it lay down on yer:
shoulder den, boss?"
III does not lie on my shoulders. To
your vitiatcd sight it may seem to lie
on my shoulders, but in reality it does
no!; Dld you ever study interpretive
NO, sab; neber heard o. it."
"Well, that's the cause of YOUR mis-
take. You have stood here in your
door SO long, watching people with long
hair, until you think that the head Of
every man needs shingling. Your de-
sire to make money has outstripped the
Judgment of your eyes;ght. Men in
your profession have kept on in this
way until they had to be taken to an
asylum where such diseases are treated.
You have been standing out here for
about half an hour, haven't your"
Eyes, sab"
"And nearly every man who passed
had long hair, didn't he?"
eyes, sab, dat's a fack."
"1ou have seen more men than wo-
men pass haven't you?"
"B'lieve 1 has, sah."
elm fact nearly everybody who passes
is a man."
eyes. sah."
swell, now, the truth Is. very few
men passed here within the last hour,
and those who did pass had short hair.
In your eagerness for work, resulting
from that brain halludcination born OF
d desire for gain, you have mistaken
women for men and long hair for short.
Haven't you been troubled in your
mind about religion. lately?"
Think I has, boss"
"Of course. You are afflicted by
brain ~hallucination. This is the direct
work of the devil. You were q slave
before the WARP" .
"Yes, sah."
Certainly, and the devil is endeav-
oring to keep you a slave. He is giving
you u false eye-sight. He is sowing in
your breast the seeds of gain desire.
He knows that after awhile, by your
persistcncy you will make yourself OBJ
noxious in the sight of the law"
"Dem's m ghtY cuts Jacks, boss."'
ITO be sure they are. You have
never studied retrospective philosophy,
have you?"
"No, sab, kahn say dat 1 hab."
Swell, then, SO much better for the
devil. He has just begun to work on
you now, but after a while he'll make
you seize little babies out of their bug
gies, take them into your shop and
attempt to shave them and cut their
hair"
''May de Lawd sabe me from dat
time," replied the barber, with o rest
less air.
"Sure to come unless you study in
prospective philosophy. You have gone
far already. You are blinded now.
What am L? a man or Il woman?"
"Yer's dressed like a man, sah."
"And you thought just now that Ihad
long harp"
"Yas, sah."
"Well, I am a woman with short hair
and wear flowing skirts"
"Boss, you's going too fur wild me-
t.All right, I'll bet you twenty dol
lars that l am dressed as q woman and
that my hair is short. We will leave it
to any man you may select"
II amt a bettin' man, Cap'n."
II don't blame you. I am woman
dressed as a woman, but l am an in
prospective philosopher. If you 90 on
in your ignorance. you are likely TO 60
crazy after awhile. Why don t you
study philosophy"
81 amt got de books, sah."
''Nladaln, if you please.'
"S'cuse me. amt got dc books,
madam"
r. "Well, here is a book on introspec-
tive philosophy that I will let you have
for two dollars"
''Herc's your money; gimme de book -
and the %long-haired agent for a great
work walkeu away in contentment with
his W abilities Traveller.
n...z-l-LI. ...-. Att 80