Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-08-07
GLEANINGS

frequently he has to obey his wife and
mother-in-law.
We think it is about time to place
the word butter on the retired list as
an obsolete term.
The empress of Austria has learned
to set type, bat the proof reader don't
dare to mark any galleys on her.
Old tomato cans bring Is cents a
hundred in Newark-Ex. They are
probably used to enrich New Jersey
soil.
A machine has been invented which
will darn stockings by just turning a
crank Who will care for mother
nOw?"
'What is meant by the Watch on
the Rhine?'" asks a correspondent.
The watch on the Rhine, my dear sir,
is the skipper on the outside of the
cheese.
Michael Davitt, who seems to have
given up his proposed expatriation in
Australia, will remain in Ireland
until the Parliamentary elections
shall have been held.
According to the Cincinnati En-
quirer, man in that city is taking
the rendered fat of dog as a cure for
consumption. The remedy was at
one time very popular in Germany.
A question involving research and
worthy the attention of a Philadelphia
lawyer is what becomes of the 10, ,000,-
00O,00 pins yearly manufactured in
the United States and therein con-
sumed.
A small whisky bottle was found IN
the stomach of a dead shark recently
washed ashore on the Californian
coast Moral: Don't drink.
What is your doggy's name, Daisya
Dam. Why, you wicked child, where
did you hear that word? Why, Mar
ion, that's what uncle George says
Damn the dog"
Enquirer asks: What would you
advise me to do to prevent growing
fat~ Come and live at our boarding
house, 1t has never been known to
fail.
"How do you like it?" asked a
yachtman of a young lady, as the
boat went up and down la the trough
of the waves. "Oh. Lifts too
awful; swell !" was the distressed
reply.
Charles Crocker, one of the Central
Pacific's big four" millionaires, testl-
fed in the Cotton case that be began
his business life at the age of nine in
Troy, N. Y, where he peddIed
oranges and sold newspapers on the
street.
The number of American women
now in Paris without their husbands
excites the astonishment of the ma
tives. Parisians evidently don' t
know what significant things hus-
bands are in this country.
A little girl in town was trying to
tell her mother how beautiful GER
tain lady could trill in singing,
and said: ooh, mamma, you ought
to hear her gargle, she does it so sweet
ly'
A Chicago dude blushed and ran
into a stairway when he saw a party
of ladies coming down the street. He
had forgotten his cane, and could not
meet them IN such a nude state.
Mamie was playing very roughly
with her kitten, carrying 1t by the
tail. Her mother told her she would
hurt pussy. "Why, no I won't; I'm
carrying it by the handle"
Says Matthew Arnold: America
holds the future" IF this is true, AM
erica should look out for herself
Futures are the most dangerous things
to hold imaginable. They may GO up,
but they are ten times more likely to
go down.
Mary" said a mother to her
daughter, "has Henry proposed yet?"
mot yet. ma, but [ think he will be-
fore many days" What makes you
think so?' Because he asked me if
you expected to live with me if | mar
ried. and [ told him no."
Did not the sons of Jacob commit
a heinous SIN when they sold their
brother Joseph?' asked a Sunday
school teacher of the son of an Austin
merchant ''Yes, sir" 'tWhat sin
was it they commit ed?" "They sold
him too cheap"
That Cuba is on the verge of bank
rupcy is evident, and that Spain will
be glad to part with her when she
ceases to yield a revenue to Castilian
Golfers is equally evident. There are
people who believe that if Blaine is
elected Cuba will surely be annexed
to the United States before the end of
his first term.
There is an extinct volcano near
Cleveland, n. c., which. as early as
ten years ago, was seen to emit great
volumes of fire and lava at night.
Since these emissions the mountain,
called Lone Mountain, has cracked
open, and the cracks are continually
getting larger and the mountain is
slowly being swallowed into the
earth.
Archery is dead" said an exten-
sive New York dealer in games. ut
had a short-lived but very. extensive
popularity. It was revived some ten
years ago. became the rage five years
ago, which lasted two or three years,
and is now ended. It has been