News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-07-24
PITH AND POINT.

ALTHOUGH chickens are born in shells
they never become good oarsmen.
TE11ERs of exaggerated stories are
known in business circles as yarn mer-
chants.
"WHEN sorrow has left its traces"
what has become of the rest of the har-
ness
MODEL wives formerly took ga stitch in
time." now. with the aid of sewing
machine, they can tske one in less than
no time.
A BoARDING-HoUsE mistress, like the
rest of us, has her weak and her shrong
points. the weak point being her tea and
her strong point the butter.
NOBODY.
Nobody b'oke til 1t cracked itself
1t was clear way up on the toppest shelf.
Iprhaps the ktty-cat knows!'
Says poor little Ned,
With his as red
As the heart of damask rose.
LESSON for young houselkeepers
How can you tell young fowl from
an old one?'' "By the teeth y "By the
teeth? But fowls have no teeht !" 81
know they haven't, but I have -
AN Arkansas man went to church for
the first time in his life. The minister
announced through the local paper that
he would discourse on "Lost Sheep"
and the man hoped to gain some in
formation regarding stray ram of his.
SHE knew him: "Do you reside in
this city ?" asked a masked man of a
masked lady at a masked party. He
felt sick when she said to him, in a low
voice "Don't be fool, John knew
you by the wart on your thumb" 1t
was his wife.
AT a banquet the late John Brougham
was seated next to Coroner Croker. A
toast was proposed, and Brougham
asked the coroner what he should drink
it in. "Claret," said the coroner.
"Claret - was the reply; "that's no
drink for coroner. There's no body in
it,
A VICTORIA Vancouver island) Chi
naman, having thrashed a white man
who had neglected to pay his "washee.
washee" bill, the colonist Indignantly
exclaims: "Things have come to pref
ty pass in this free country when Chi
naman can dun a white man with i'm
punity."
"OB, mash me !" mash me ,. later cried,
While beet blushed through and through,
As 1t felt its being incorporate
With the soul of Irish stew.
But the scullion fiercely scrubbed his pot,
And the dish-washer modify washed,
And naught was heard by the kitchen-fire fash
Save the curse of the cOrned-beef hash
THE superiority of electricity over
steam conyincingly demonstrated: "Yes,
sir; we have entered upon an era of cleo
tricity, and steam will be done away
with forever-replaced everywhere by
IL oil
run-those electrical machines? don't |
ever seeing one." "By steam |
power"
A LITTLE boy in a Sunday-school put |
a poser to his teacher. The lady was
telling her class how God punished the |
by causing the first born of |
eaclI household to be slain. The little |
boy listened attentlvely. At the proper
he mildly inquired: "What |
would God have done had there been
twins ?"
SARAH P, Thorp Springs: "Where
should l wear an engagement ring?"
Wear it on the second finger of the left
hand, if everything is open and above
board but if you do not want the old
people to know of the engagement we
would advise you to wear it in the right
hand corner of an old striped stocking
at the bottom of the bureau drawer.
"YEs," whispered the boy to Mr..
ticket, but want the privilege of going
in by crawling under the tent" And
Mr.. Barnum agreed, and ordered the
guards not to interfere with the lad;
and after the boy had performed the
NJ l. i I !
his reasons for it, and the lad explained
that he had got over 81 bet with the
boys who had tried the crawl and failed
that he would succeed in it.
"WELn, sir; suppose you'll go back
to school rested by your holiday" said
New Haven father to his "cubbiest"
boy eyes, SIR" replied the boy, with
frightened expression, land I'm 60
ing to ring the bell sis that so? L
thought Sammy Goodboy rang the
ringing it in his place, now, don't you
Sammy? Why, he's nothing but
scholar p
DIALOGUE between customer and
Paris wine merchant: Customer-"Ye-es,
L dare say it is good wine, but have
some in my cellar that I think is more
desirable, both as to quality and price.
Here, let me give you some of it." Wine
merchant (tasting)-"Let me seel"
(spitting it OUT. "Pah, why that's
dye-stuff. It's a nameless mixture, with
everything in it but vine My dear sir,
you've been atrociously swindled
What Borgia did you buy that from ?"
Customer displaying label on bottle)-
" From you'll"