News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-05-22
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND In THEM TO SMILE
OVER THIS WEEK.

How ft works-A Very Natural Mistake.
rife I'm tie Choir-Not Weak WOman-A
Peculiar PuzzIe-Learning WisdOm' etc.
VERY PECULIAR.
A was the owner of a number OF b b,
That were infected by curious d c c.
Which could not be remedied with e Q 6,
Except by giving them fresh g g.
The of which h time he tr1ss
Would be to swell their little iii;
So they were noticed by the j J,
And swallowed at once in every k.
This was leaving the b b b to a p q u rare
So he Thought he would with them M (greaD
To Swissland, or Of the earth if he please,
For his life's support he o o to the b b D,
He must do this-there is no xqqq
He had no p pp-but RS profuse
He had an of gold and of b bb
He wished to exchange for coffees and {,
So V could trade and himself m u uu
He could make the trip of www.
Avyy thought struck him-he took notion
And with his b he crossed an ocean,
Where there are no j j ] to swallow his b b,
And he buys all the coffees and t he &C C.
st. Louis Globe.
IN THE CHOIR.
During the sermon one of the quar-
tette fell asleep.
"Now's your chants," said the organ
list to the soprano. "See if you canticle
the TENOR
"You wouldn't dare Duet" said the
contralto.
"Tou1 wake hymn up, " suggested the
bass.
81 could make better pun than that
as sure as my names Psalm p remarked
the boy who pumped the organ; but he
said itisolo that no one,quartet Life.
HOW IT WORKS.
Mrs. Grasp-'sHow is Uncle Joe get
ting alongP 1 hope he is making liy-
ing, for don't want him coming on to
us in his old age"
Mr.. Grasp-'That reminds me; just
heard the strangest thing. old Brown
recently returned from visit to Uncle
Joe and says that instead of being poor
he is very rich and is becoming evtraya-
CANT. He got into some speculations and
made loads of money"
"Goodness gracious Who would
have thought it? Extravagant, too. He
will squander all his money. Don't you
think Uncle Joe always was a little
queer?"
"Why, so he was. never thought of
it. Poor Uncle joe"
eyes; come to think, his mind has al
ways been little shaky. 1 am afraid he
will kill somebody next"
$50 he might. 1 will see the lawyers
at once about getting him into lunatic
asylum. ."-Phila. Call.
NOT A WEAK WOMAN.
''You're a nice man, amt you? The
idea of as big q man as you being
brought here for whipping yeur wife, as
small and delicate a woman as she is.
Amt you ashamed of yourself?'
"Well, Judge, must confess that 1
am ashamed of myself. She's little and
apparently weak woman, and that's why
I am ashamed of myself, fur 1 know l
ought to be able to lick her, but I can t.
She iist laid me out quicker; and I'll bet
she can lick you ur any other man in
town. She's about half cat and the other
half hghtnin'."
His Honor surveyed the little woman.
got frightened and told them both to go
home.-Kentatcky Journal.
A NATURAL MISTAKE.
Passenger lin Pullman car)-"Fare,
sir fare ?"
Conductor-"Yes, sir. Haven't you
ticket r.
Passenger-ZsslSo lad not time 20
get one, bat iast paid my fare"
Conductor-ssP Paid your fare Why,
who TOP
Passenger-"That gentleman there. /"
Conductor-''He is only the porter.
He probably regarded what you gave
him as a fee. He has nothing to do
with the fare.
Passenger-'Dear, dear I thought
from his actions that he owned the whole
railroad. .'-Phika. EUerai'g CaH.
INcUMBERED PROPERTY.
"I hear that you are to marry a
wealthy American girl" said one noble
man to another.
"Ya'as," replied his ludship.
"You must allow me to congratulate
YOU. Are there any incumbrances on
her property ?"
"Ya'as, the lady. "--EUeniS9g CaH
LEARNING WISDOM.
A Peasant who had Seven Daughters
wearing out sole leather for him went to
the Cave of q Wise Old Duffer, and be-
sought his Advice as how to bring them
up"
"Marry them off as soon as Possible,
and you can then Break up Housekeep-
ing and go Boarding among Them"
After few Months the Father re-
turned to the Gave, and his phiz had
such Lonesome Expression that the
Wise Man cried out:
stAh, you must follow my Advice to
learn Wisdom =
s"The Trouble is that 1 did follow it,
but instead of having seven places to
board around at have seven Sons-in-law
to board on me"
However, the Peasant had the Wisdom.
-Deroit Free Press.
VERY IGNORANT.
Government Oficer-"Were you even
in the civil service ?"
Applicant 1.-THE civil service !"
Officer-''Yes."
Applicant-'I don't know anything
about civil service. / was hotel