The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1884-10-15
OCT. IS.
VARIETIES.

81 thought heard Fred kiss YOU on
the piazza last night" said father to
his daughter, the other morning. "Oh,
no, pa, was the artless answer,
"he only kissed me on the ear.
1t is about as hard to find girl whose
marriage is announced in the newspaper
who isn't''beautiful and accomplished, y
as it is to find man who has Just died
who wasn't "honored and respected by
all who knew him."
Minister Ito one OF his flock) I'm
shocked, James, to see you've broken
your promise and have been indulging
again. Games hangs his head.) You
really should give it up. 1t does you
great harm-makes you unfit for work
spoils your appearance-ye Gamma tax
yer breakfast-ye' a bad taste i yer
mooth-'gives We splettin' headache
James: Aye, menesterl But We haze
suffered yerseP Punch.
The Colonel, who lives in the South,
was finding fault with Bill, one of his
hands, for neglect of work, and saying
he would have no more preaching about
the place, they had too many protracted
meetings to attend. "Bill amt no
'zorter." "Well, what's the difference
between preacher and an exhorter ~,
"Why, you konw, preacher he takes a
tex, and den he done got to stick to it.
But 'zorter, he kin branch"
''Do you know George, l wish you
would stay at home tomorrow" Why,
darling?" ooh, because this afternoon
a terrible looking tramp came here while
you were away and ordered me to give
him something to eat, so had to give
him all that sponge cake [ made last
Saturday, and, George, he says he's
coming back to morrow" "Did he eat
the cake, Darling?" Eyes, all of it.
Yes, every Bit "Well then, set your
mind at rest, dear, he will never come
back ''-B0ston Post.
Honest farmer-"T here agri-
cul 'tral papers don't know nothing.
Anybody might see they was edited by
city chaps. Mrs. Honest Farmer.
what are they saying now?" "Why,
this paper says that on wet days, when
a farmer can't work in the field, he ought
to mend tools, oil the harness and pick
out the decayed fruit and vegetables in
the celler." ''Well, it seems to me that's
purity sensible" Sensible! Why,
what on arth is the use in picking out the
decayed fruit and vegetables when its so
wet that you can't take them to market."
--fhitddetphio Call @At
"Uncle William, how's rents up your
way?'' he asked Of an old colored man
who was sauntering around the market.
Rents, sah-rents! Does you mean
rents of houses?" as46H 4as aa
YES
EfWall, sab doan keep no track of 'em
'talt.''
"But you live in a routed house ?'
eyes sab; but when de landlord be-
gins to percolate aroun' fur his rent
pulls out an find anoder cabin. Its a
heap cheaper to move dan to argufy wild
landlord about wheder rents am up or
down."
Going up town from the depot at
Macon, negro who stood gazing tixedly
at poster on bill board, matted me and
said:
Say, boss, l wants to ak you a
queshun or two"
"All right-dive ahead"
"Heah's a bill wild pictur' of boss
on it, but / can't read any of de lines.
Am it 'vertisement of circuss or boss
racer"
"Why do you ask 2"
"Kase why, sab; if it am circus.
I'ze gwine ter begin ter glance around
arter TO- bits to pay my way in, and if it's
boss race I'ze gwIne to put up three
razors again a par of butes an try an
git desc ole hoofs off de cold groun'." q
Its neither one nor the other" l
replied after reading the bill. "rhis is
the advertisement OF a new liver pill. )"
Lands alive but l want to know dat,
too! Recon de man might pay me 81
day to stan on de squar' wild him an
swaller 'em down to show de public dat
dey's no humbug"