, 1884-12-21

~ t0'A-H 4 QluftWuO can conceal the
rue state Of his feelings must DO more than
mortal
had not spoken; l dared not speak. Bet
Tor uncertainty with hope than certainty
with despair. Tho day on which Philippa
refused my love would be as the day OF
death to me.
Besides, what had 1 to offer herI Although
succeeding fairly we'll for a beginner, at
present could only ask the woman made
my wife to share comparative poverty. And
fhilippal Ali would have wrapped Phil
ippa in luxury All that wealth could buy
ought to be hers Had you seen her in tho
glory OF her fresh young beauty, you would
have smiled at the presumption OF the man
who could expect such n being to become
the wife of a hard working and as yet Ill
paid doctor. You would have felt that she
should have had the world at her feet.
Had thought that she loved me l might
perhaps have dared to hope she would even
then have been happy as my wife. But she
did not love me. Moreover, she was ambi-
tious.
She knew-smnll blame TO her-how beau
uful she was Do I wrong her when l say
that in those days she looked for the gift of
rank and riches from theman who loved herl
She knew that she was a queen among
women, and expected a queens dues.
Sweetest, are my words cruelf They are
the cruelest / have spoken, or shall speak.
against you Forgive themD
We were friends-great friends. Such
friendship is loves bane. 1t buoys false
hopes; it lulls 10 security; it leads astray; 1t
is a staff which breaks suddenly, and wounds
the hand which leans upon it. So little it
seems to need TO make friendship grow into
love; and yet how seldom that little is
added The love which begins with hate or
| dfalfta fa offor 1~,1~fo- eh.. 49, .-Lt.l
begins with friendship. Lovers cannot be
friends.
Philippe and her mother left my neigh
borhood- They went to London for awhile.
/ heard from them occasionally, and once or
twice, when in town, called upon them.
Time went by. / worked hard at my pro-
fession the while, striving, by sheer toll, to
drive away the dream from my life. Alasi
/ strove in vain. To love Philippa was to
love her foreverl
One morning a letter came from her. l
toro IL open. The news 1t contained was
grievous. Her mother had died suddenly.
Philippe was alone in the world. So far as
l knew, she had not a relative left; and be-
lieved, perhaps hoped, that, save myself,
sho had no friend.
l needed no time for consideration. That
afternoon l was in London II l could not
comfort her in her great sorrow l could at
least sYmpathize with her; could undertake
the management OF the many business de-
tails which are attendant upon a death.
Poor Philippai She was glad to soc me.
Through her tears she flashed me a look of
gratitude. | did all l could for her, and
stayed In town until the funeral was over.
Then was Obliged to think OF going home.
What was to become of the grill
Kith or kin she had none, nor did she
mention the name Of any friend who would
be willing to receive her. As | suspected.
she was absolutely alone in the world. AS
soon as my back was turned she would have
no one ON whom she could count for SYM
patty or help.
Il must rave been her utter loneliness
which urged me. in spite Of my better judg-
ment, in spite OF the grief which still oppress
ed her, TO throw myself at her feet and de-
clare the desire of my heart. My words |
cannot recall, but / think-I know 1 pleaded
eloquently. Such passion as mine gives
power and intensity to the most Impractical
speaker. Yet long before my appeal was
ended / knew that l pleaded in vain. Her
eyes, her manner, told me she loved me not.
Then, remembering her present helpless
condition, ! checked myself. / begged her
to forget the words l had spoken; not TO
answer them now; TO lot me say them ngain
In some months time. Let me still be her
friend, and render her such service as l
could.
She shook her head; she held out her hand
The first action meant the refusal OF my
love; the second, the acceptance OF my
friendship. Ischooled myself to calmness,
and we discussed her plans for the future.
She was lodging in a house in a quiet, re-
spectacle street mar Regents Park. She
expressed her intention Of staying ON here
for awhile.
But alonei7 / exclaimed
why mott What have l to feari Still,
/ am open to reason II you can suggest
another plan"
/ could suggest no other. Philippa was
past twenty-one and would Mt once succeed
to whatever money had been her mother's
This was enough to live upon She had no
friends, and must live somewhere. Why
should she not stay on at her present lodg-
ingsl Nevertheless, l trembled as / thought
OF this beautiful girl all alone in London
Why could she not love met Why could
she not DO my wifei IL needed all my self
restraint to keop me from breaking afresh
into passionate appeals
AS she would not give me the right to dis
pose of her future l could do nothing more.
/ babe her a sad farewell, then went back
to my home to conquer my unhappy love,
or to suffer from its fresh inroads.
Conquer It'll Such love as mine is never
conquered. 1t is a mans life. Philippa
was never absent from my thoughts Let
my frame oil mind be gay or grave, Philip
pa was always present
Now and then she wrote 10 me, but her
letters told me little as to her mode OF life;
they were snort irisnaiS epistiesi and gave
me little hope
Yet I was not quite hopeless. l felt that
/ had beer too hasty IN asking her Tor her
love so soon after her mothers death Let
her recover from the shock then l will try
again Three months was the time which
in my own mind l resolved should olapse
before ! again approached her with words
Of love. Three monthsi How YEARLY they