Connecticut western news., 1884-03-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

BLESSED is he that considorcth the poor.
 Br rigid to yourself and gentle to others.
 To ENDURE and to pardon is the wis dom of life.
 JUDGE not thy fellow man till thou art similarly situated.
 IT is manly to resent m injury God like to forgive it.
 TIE best hand to hold in the game of life fig that of your best girl.
 WEIGH thy words in balance md make door and n bar for thy mouth.
 LET us be like trees that yield their fruit to those who throw stones at them.
 HE who conquers himself is groator than he who in battle couquers a thou sand men.
 MADAME DE srAEb once said: ''The more I know of men the better l like dogs"
 SoAP don't cost as much as diamonds, but lots O people don't seem to be able to afford both.
 A SOUTHERN DAKOTA editor advortises his Bible for sale. He has probably gone over to the other party.
 A CmcAao editor grimly suggests to Arctic explorers thepropriety, hereafter, of taking their coflins with them.
 LITTLE JAcK--''My mammals new fan is hand-painted. Little. .Dick--"Pooh who cares. Our whole fence is"
 A MAN that needs forty cents worth of whisky to give him m appetite for fifteen-cent dinner always has the dys- pepsia.
 A sunsoRrbER complained that his newspaper was damp. "Well, |" said the editor, cit is because there is 80 much due on it.
 FoR once the New York editors are puzzled; nonplussed; bowildered; dazed' all broke up. A tramp plumber has been arrested in that city for vagrancy.
 WE heard of man the other day who was said to be mean enough a steal a coat of paint. But he can't equal the party who tried to steal n dogs pants.
 FARGO young lady named Rouse,
 Caught glimpse of poor little mouse,
 And the scream that she serome,
 Shattered Heavens blue dome
 And bulged out tho walls of tho house.
 HEARD on the rink: "Can that girl skate ?" "I think not" "Then you had better escort somebody else" "But what shall I do with hor9" "oh, just let her slide. ."- Christidn-dt- Work.
 AN old Detroit justice of the peace says that out of some 1000 decisions ho has never yet rendered one that has sat- isfied both parties. He has finally got tired of trying to.-Dctroh Free Press.
 FIVE thousand dogs may mako the midnight mir palpitate with thoir howls, in one ward, and next day when the as- sessor goes around he won't find more than three dogs owned in tho entire ward.
 "wHAr does the word pedigree mean, John2" "It means descent" "Write a sentence on the board contain ing that word" John went up and chalked of the following: "We 'podi- greed down the hill."
 WHEN a young man lays siege to young lady, and insists upon her con senting to become his wife, she cannot but confess that he is ''a man after her own heart" however heartless she may appear. Chicago Sun.
 Mus. GRuNpY says "that owners of apartment houses for bachelors have an idea that all bachelors arc fhillionaires." A married friend asks dospairingly, "And pray why shouldn't they be3 What is there to prevent them 1"- Boston Transcript
 "TuERE is no period in a fond mothers life when she is happier than imme- diately after her first baby has cut his first tooth" And there is no period in that baby's life when he is moro un- happy than immediately after his mother has cut his hair. -NoFrtstoi0n Herald.
 AN uncouth-looking young man from the Sandwich Islands, the son of mis- sionary, ws once requested to address a mission Sunday-school in Nov York. He began by asking, "Where do you suppose am from, children ?' 'From the country, sir" blurted out rough boy in the corner.
 cir you don't marry mo-" he oE- claimed, "I'll take myself out of this hated world. and I'll haunt you aa long as you livei" Said she, "tt will be moro respectable than your present haunin. Please stand a little farther of. I never could bear the smell of alcohol 30 soon after ten.
 A YOUNG Indiana woman was "fright- ened into convulsions by going into dimly lighted room which she thought unoccupied and there seeing a young man of the family throwing his arms wildly about in the effort to put on his over coat" The contortions of tho average Indiana man while putting on a cont would frighten a railroad train of onto the first switch it could find.
 Ir is all we'll enough to advise a young man to overcome all obstacles by "tasing the bull by the horna;" but when the youth is in the middle of a field and the bull is coming toward him with his head down md it's tail flashing the air the young man prefers to take tho fence. It would be decidedly unwholc- some to take the bull by the horns nr- der those circumstances. NorrisJotrn Herald.