Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1884-03-07
WIT AND HUMOR.
Remarkably hne board Saw dust.
/ m Il -, !, ~ pyear-A csralasas &c isE

A cheeky circ.iA man calls his tricl
mule ..Impnn nity.'' i, ,ecause he car d
q Almost any thing With it.. 81 .s. :-
/. a young lawyer in this city, who ha
. girl In; Warren and one II Cory, ane
another in Meadeyille, may be said t
be already conducting a CircuN Court
OIL Cgtg Derrick +.
1--WE have struck smoother road
haven't wep''' asked passenger OF )
I conductor on an Arkansas railroad.
E''No,' replied the conductor, 1--WE have
Eonly run off the track. ''--A,sltt.. IraoeEIer.
'.My son. said old Precept, don't
/ take to writing poetry. When I was
/ young, like YOU, / was sn1itten with, a
beautiful creature, and wrote her a
/ poem. never saw her again.
Times. s4 '@+.... -. ~. -.
1t is stated that Northern travelling
men are becoming numerous in the
/ South, and merchants are receiving
many Aattering attentions Flatter-
ing attentions is a real nice name for
invitations to drink. Post.
A Buffalo man has gone insane from
| trying to realize the ''awfulness of
space" Itwas probably the distance
| between home and the saloon which
got most of his nickels that bothered
him the worst.
Samson, the strong party was the
first man to advertise. He took two
| solid columns to demonstrate his
| strength, and several thousand persons
*tumbled' to his scheme. And he
| brought down the house.
! Telegraph.
A French Marquis was riding out one
day, when be passed an old priest trot~
key. ''Ha! har' exclaimed the mar
quis, chow goeth the ass, good father?"
''On horseback, my son, on horseback"
replied the priest.
81: hev alters noticed" observes Aunt
Tabetha, ''that the boy who let's his
| mother bring in all the kindlin' wood
and build the kitchen fire, is the
mourner who bellers loudest at her fu~
neral.'' And then she added thought
fully, 'Mebbe as not it is because he
! misses. her the most
A couple of pickpockets followed a
gentleman for some blocks, with a, view
of availing themselves of the first op-
portunity to relieve him of his purse.
He suddenly turned into lawyers Of
fee. What shall we do now?" asked
one. ''Wait for the lawyer said the
other.
Out in Manitoba couple of leading
citizens had race on foot about which
there was considerable betting and OK
element. The local paper, in it's head
ing, "A Foot Race got in an ''l'' in
stead of s't.'' This did not suit the
competitors to a"t'' Such an insinu-
alton was not 'I'-egant.
A certain young man went to call on
q young lady Chi ipley, and seeing her
cross the hall in a Mother Hubbard he
supposed by her appearance that he
had called too early, and sat down out
side and waited patiently until his rival
came and was smilingly received. He
says it is hard, if it is fair.--Atzanto
Consultation.
A certain country clergyman used to
tell good story Of his going to d new
parish and asking parishioner what
his occupation was. Il am the village
rat-catcher,' the man replied, land
what are you?'' The clergyman an
swered that he was the village parson,
whereupon the rat~catcher was good
enough to observe that he supposed
'ttwe must all get living somehow"
Pail Mall Gazette.
The human body weighs about
pound in the water, and a small piece
Of board Or box will keep a person
afloat by merely placing finger upon
it. If women would use shavings for
dress and corset Innings it would be al
most impossible for them to drown,
while men who cannot swim could es-
cape death by simply carrying a few
old wooden pill boxes in their coat-tail
pockets. .--Loneygo'a's Leuaty.
/ There is q sound reason why there
are bones in our meat and stones in our
land. A world where everything was
easy would be a nursery for babies,
but not at all fit place for men. Gel
cry is not,sweet until it has felt frost,
and men do not come to their perfec-
ton till disappointment has dropped
half hundred weight or two on their
toes. Who would know good horses if
there were no heavy loads?
"Oh, yes" said the eldest Miss Cul-
ture at table d'hote the other evening,
II breakfasted yesterday with Mrs.
Brainweight, and we enjoyed deli
cious repast-excellent coffee. superior
bread, and piscatorial globes done ad-
mirably." ''What?''' asked her friend.
''Piscatorial globes" repeated the Bos-
ton maiden. "And what under the sun
are they?" 81 believe" said Miss Gull
lure, drawing herself up stiffiy, II be-
heve uncultured people call them fish
/ bal Hotel Mail. $500
Me- long since daughter Of the En-
erall isle entered one of our banking
Institutions for the purpose of deposit
ing some money. '.How old are you?'
said the receiving teller. II don't
know, sorr,' was the reply. ~'Well,
low old do you think you are2' ''De'il
he one of me knows t.Weil you are
somewhere between 20 and 80, amt t.
iou?' '';Yes, sorr.'' u There was
general litter at this response, in which
even the dignifed bank president
Joined. zE..sG y
Very Narrow. &.
'.It's no use, . wrote Yankee editor,
ttfor Veritas TO send US more Marrow
Escapes until he can: beat this: Last
night as. the express train was nearing g
Dashville, q stranger accidentally got
on the raj s; bRt, seeing the engine and
cars coming, managed to fix himself
bolt upright against bank, and ''drew
/ in until he was as fat as a board. The
/ train shaved him SO close that it cut
the knobs of the bone studs Oft his
shirt, but otherwise did him no dam
age. 49, London Society, &