davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08

ton. | might pretend was doing il
for wager, but who could believe
me 2"
/ grew very cold.
l looked out of the window, and pres
emily / saw the bulls eye of q police
man who was YEARLY plodding through
the snow. ] felt that my only course
was to surrender to him.
policeman said | from the window,
"one word
Anything wrong, sir y said he.
81 have committed burglary in this
house, and / shall feel deeply obliged
to you if you will kindly take me into
custody
"Nonsense, sir" said he F.; "you had
better go to bed.
"There is nothing | should like bet
ter, but live in Lincolns Inn, and
have nothing but anti-macassars. am
almost frozen. Pray, take me into
custody"
"The street doors open" said he.
EYES, said /, 'come in."
He came in. / explained the cir
cumstances to him, and with great diff
ficulty convinced him that l was in
earnest. The good fellow put bis own
great coat over me, and lent me his own
handouts In ten minutes | was thaw-
ing myself in Walton Street Police
Station. In ten days l was con-
victed at the Old Baily. In ten years
| returned from penal servitude.
found that poor Mr.. Davis had
gone to his long home in Brompton
Cemetery.
For many years never passed his
house without a shudder at the terrible
hours / spent in it as his guest. 1 have
often tried to forget the incident /
have just been relating, and for long
time tried in vain Perseverance, how.
ever, met with its reward. continued
to try. Gradually one detail after
another slipped from my recollection,
and one evening last May l found to
my intense delight, that had abso
lutely forgotten all about it.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08
Daniel Webster's Disappointment as he Told
it to an Intimate Friend.

Daniel Webster, it is known, was
poor. He had the power to make
money but not to keep it, for his house
was as open as the day to melting
charity. His only son, man of fine
intellect and character, but like his
parents of little wealth, asked of the
Taylor administration an office, which
no one doubted he was competent to
fill. The result is told in the words of
Mr.. Webster TO one of his intimate
friends. The conversation occurred
while Taylor was still President :
''lf | were to live my life over again
with my present experience, | would,
under no circumstances and from no
consideration, allow myself to enter
public life. The public is ungrateful.
The man who serves the public most
faithfully receives no adequate reward,
In my own history those acts which
have been before God, the most disin-
terested and the least stained by selfish
considerations have been those for
which | have been most freely abused
No, no, have nothing with politics.
Sell your iron, eat no bread of depend
ence, support your family with the re.
wards of honest toll, do your duty as a
private citizen to your country, but let
politics alone. 1t is hard life, a
thankless life. Still | know it has its
compensations. There are some green
spots, occasional cases, in the life of a
public man otherwise he could not
live. The conviction that the great
mass of the intelligent and patriotic
citizens of your country approve of
well-directed efforts to serve them is
truly consoling, The confidence on
the part of my fellow citizens l think
possess. | have had in the course OF
my official life, which is not a short
one, my full share of ingratitude, but
the unkindest cut of all, the shaft that
has sunk the deepest into my breast
has been the refusal of this administra
tion to grant my request for an office
of small pecuniary consider alton to my
only son."
He then Strengthened himself, and
with conscious dignity, added;
81 have not deserved such treatment
l have served my country too long an,
too assiduously to receive such Sigh
from this administration. However
let us say no more about it the who'll
thing is too contemplate to claim from
me moments thought.-Correspon
dence Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08

"Yes,' said the noted detective, II
have seen a great many queer things
in my experience
discovered good many gigantic
frauds, / suppose T ventured an adj
mirer.
"Well, ! should say So" was the re.
ply hut between you and /, the most
complete piece of deception / ever saw
wos woman, young, pretty, and /
would have sworn she was an angel
"But she wasn't p
81 should say not, She has a tenn.
per like whirlwind, and when she
gets mad the very earth seems to
shake"
"Good gracious ! And how did you
manage to get down to her true char
acter 7"
"Well, l. ahem-the fact is, mar,
ried her.-Philadelohia Cal.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08
Little Emma Burt and Frankly e.

Little Emma Burt and Frankly e.
more were making a doll-baby bed of
leaves in the formers front yard when
the following important conversation
occurred
(Which would you sooner be,
Frankly, when you git married, man
ur a woman? ?"
"Td sooner be man, cause pap he's
a man, and he can go a-huntin' and do
most anything. Which would you
soonor be, Emmy ?"
''Id sooner b. woman, cause my
ma she's woman, and she can go out,
too, when she wants to, and kin git
such fine close and can boss pa and
make him do jst what she wants to-"
"lll bet your muver can't boss my
pap" said Frankly, Strengthening up,
"Yes, she kin, fur my pa is bigger
man than your pa.
"No, she cant, niever. My muver
is most twice as big as your muver and
she can't do it.-Kemtucky State Jour
nal.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08
Funerals of Members of Congress.

The following article taken from the
New York Sun will illustrate to our
readers how recklessly the public mon
ey is spent at funeral occasions. Why
Congress should appropriate money at
all for the burial of members is a mat
ter we can not understand Friends of
members of Congress should meet the
funeral expenses themselves without
incuring such expenses for the govern
ment. Members are paid well for their
services during life.
Below is a reprint from The SIN ::
The burial of member of the Sen
ate or of the House of Representatives
not only involves heavy charge on
the contingent fund, but is too often
the cause of scandal. This extrava-
gance has become so common that the
Committee of Accounts of the House
has notified the Sergeant-at-Arms that
there will be no future allowance for
'lunches,' under which name items
have been notoriously concealed that
are forbidden by common decency on
funeral occasions.
The bills of undertakers and otheu
are, in nine cases out of ten, barefaced-
ly extortionate, and would be rejected
if there was the least scrutiny to COM
pare them with the regular prices for
the same objects in private life. They
have been sanctioned because some
back-stairs influence has usually pre-
vailed to sustain collusion, and because
of the so-called delicacy of raising a
question over the burial of a member
of Congress.
The funeral of the late President Gar.
field cost $S,245.41, and the bills were
so outrageous that they were suppress
ed, if not destroyed, by q member of
the committee that passed them in the
House. The scandalous scenes of that
occasion are no secret.
The report of the Clerk of the last
House of Representatives gives the ex-
penses for burying five members of the
House, three of which cases averaged
nearly $4,000 each. They are worthy
OF notice, as the people rarely have a
chance to see the items that make up
the cost of Congressional funeral
The Hon. j. w. Shackleford of North
Carolina died last year. His residence
was at Richland, between five and six
hundred miles from Washington. Here
are the accounts rendered and approved
for taking his remains to their resting
place:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08

1t will be noticed that nearly twelve
hundred dollars are charged for trans
porting the committee and the remains
from Washington TO Richland.
The next case is that of the Hon r.
NJ. A. Hawk of Mount Carroll, Iii
nois, the total amount of which is $2,-
93l.02.
The third case is that of the Hon.
Godlove 5. Orth, whose residence was
Lafayette, Indiana, the total expenses
were S2,075.S6
These examples are sufficient to ex-
pose the loose practices that have too
long been tolerated in rendering the
last offices to deceased members of Con.
gress. The prodigality and jobbery
which have permeated the whole pub
lie services have found their way even
into the collins of the dead.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08
SLOW did you get a start in life

SLOW did you get start in life %
asked a youth of billionaire.
81 worked at odd jobs until found
something better"
"You thoroughly mastered some
trade, business or profession in the
course OF time, / presume, to accumu,
late such wealth Z"
"No,' was the reply. 81 was in bus
mess, but knew no more about it than
thousands of Others. owe my success
to my mastery not of a trade, business
or profession, but an art"
An art 2
"fes, young man, the art of adyer-
tising'
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08

1t is asserted that there is a one.leg.
ged Confederate soldier in Georgia who
has never drawn any State pension,
because all of his command were killed,
and there is no one TO certify to his
having been in the army.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08

A serenaded girl leaned too far out
of her window, at Pottsville, to see who
the singers were, and fell TO the ground,
wrecking the party and their song on
the way,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08

Browns IRON BITTERs is
composed ofIron in soluble
form; Cinchona the great
tonic, together with other
standard remedies, making
a remarkable non-alcoholic
tonic, which will cure Dys-
pepsia, Indigestion, Malaria,
Weakness, and relieve all
Lung and Kidney diseases.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08
RATEs OF AovERTIsINa.

Yearly advertisements payable quarterly. Tran
silent advertisements must be padfor before insctt-
ed except where parties have accounts.
Legal advertisements two dollars per inch for
three Insertions, and at that rate for additional
insertions without reference 10 length.
Executors, Administrators, and Auditors notices
three dollars. Must be paid for when Inserted.
Transient or Local notices. ten cents line, regu.
lar advertisements half rates
Cards in the Business Directory" column, one
dollar year for each line.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08

Mansfield, Ohio, Nov. a6, 1881.
Gentlemen .-Ihave suffered with
pain in my side and back, and great
soreness on my breast, with shoot.
ing pains all through my body, at.
tended with great weakness, depres-
sion OF spirits, and loss Of appe.
tite. i have taken several different
medicines, and was treated by prom.
inent physicians for my liver, kid
neys, and spleen. but | got no relief.
! thought ! would try Browns Iron
Bltters: l have now taken one bottle
and half and am about well-pain
In side and back all gone-soreness
all out Of my breast, and | have a
good appetite, and am gaining in
strength and flesh. 1t can justly be
called the king IF medicines.
JoHS X. ALLESpER.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08
d: $ @ Q o @ @ O @ Q O O o o g O o
& @ o q o Q o o Q o Q o O Q o . q
Bronzes, Clock Sets, &
Decorative Ornaments.

Our new things from Europe
re arriving in great quantities,
adding materially to the attlac-
lions Of our beautiful store.
Objects Of Art in Real Bronze
ere now much in vogue, as well
as Clock Sets, Mantcl and Pcdcs-
tal Ornaments, and other deco
rativc pieces.
Our collection represents the
best efforts of all the noted
makers of Paris, Munich, Berlin
and Vienna, whose ateliers have
been visited by Mr.. Caldwell
during the past summer.
We desire to extend a very cor
dial invitation to the residents Of
this city who may be visiting or
passing through Philadelphia, TO
call upon us.
Our store will be found to con-
tain much Of interest to every
one. twill give us great pleas
ure to have an opportunity of
showing attentions to visitors.
J. L. CALDWELL & Co.,
9o2 Chestnut ST., Philadelphia.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08

Canals can't be free-there are locks
and quays upon them,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-02-08

c, y. cRlTTENToN, Agent, New York.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-06-15

And you won't do it." said Enson in rage, or
slight vexaton at any rate that what he considered
quite an unparalleled idea TO success for Iamblyn.
and reasonable chance of making good percent
age for himself if all went well, going to be re
fused.
Certainly mott answered Tamblyn; ait would
be found ont, aud besides il is impossible"
Why " asked EnsOn.
Becanse-because such thing was meyer done
before you must be fool, Euson, to think OF such
q thing" said old Tamblyn.
Decided as his words undoubtedly were in them
selves. the quick. hurried manner in which they
We're said and the fdgety shake of the arms and
shoulders that accom- auied their delivery. implied,
as clearly the words themselves dcniod 1t, That
he was yielding reluctantly to the idea. Ii would
serve no good purpose to continue the conversation
between these two gentlemen any further, but be-
fore the hour Of midnight Mr. EnsOn had got Tam.
blyn to acknowledge hs conversion, to believe IN
the feasibility OF the enterprise and the email
chances there were of its failing through the per-
spicuIy of the fashionable world.
Iamblvn. little as he could spare the very heavy
expense IN the bad state OF his business, made up his
mind he would even pat bill of sale on his shop
and goods III order 10 try En'Ons gqriOuS idea. 1t
had been difficult TO convert him, and harder still 10
get him TO admit lac converted even after he
had been reluctantly convinced EnSOnS plan was
feasible, yet having confessed himself vanquished
he became full of the suhect. and would have kept
his visitor many hours after the time he did but for
the appearance and Intervention of Mrs. TamblTn.
blyn whispered TO him that lie woud speak to ms
wife on the matter aud call and see him at his
lodgings next day. EnsOn slipped away IN the dark
ness. and the door shut leaving Tamblyn to
over his wife into cOHseuting to be party IN
the scheme if he could.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-06-15
NEwyoRK DAILY TRIBUNE SUNDAY, IsslTwELvE PAGES

tho right thing to 90 before today, but it was
necessary If attention were to be paid To the nfst
law IF nature. She therefore resigned herself 70
carrying it through 20 the end, whatever that might
be. but he shuddeTed as she thought OF what inc
finale might be. II
The story finished and sympathios expressed, the
two ladies felt they were firm friends from TINS out
and the poor Duchess mentally vowed she wonid 90
the very utmost of her ability 10 give her prope
start in society. She felt glad OF WHAT ,he
thought was the accident of the lady of the mouse
opening her own hall door, IL had shown hei
what nice, though sad little woman lived inside,
and the circumstances made Their INTRODUCTION
more simple and chlldlIke.
They aiterward spoke of politics, Of the weather
and of America The latter subject Mrs. lamoyim
she Is now IN aTlstocratlc circles VIII 'll
her by her name, Mrs. ThOmHs-hedgen n
much as possible all her information OF the Statss
being derived from guide-bOOk and Brct liailS
stories, which she felt might not be very rellap,e
and considered 1t safe not to say more than sic
could help and that that little ought not 10 DO OV
definitely expressed. =,
Poor little woman. intelligent as she was she h2i
not yet learned that such a course OF acton W"uu
bring her under suspicion II II were nOtlceu ihuCh
more than if she was bold about II and was moor
rect in many of her statements. for no one II OK
pccted e. be uufaingy accurate on any subject.
However, nothing noteworthy happened on TINS
occasion, ana the Duchess lett. deiIghteu WIN hcL
new acquaintance and loving her already almost rs
If she were her daughter, which could have BEEN OF
course. in point of age.
As the door closed she saw the Duchess 60 down
the steps that led into the street and from her VIM
dow watched the pleased smile on her face thar
showed she had been not only successful IN her
mission bat had warmed the old wOmans heart con-
sideraby toward herself
How firm" she felt " such friendship rs this
might have been had she been anything real ana
not "A mere sham. But II could not be helped; she
must act her part however TcpulSlVe 1t might be NJ
times or however much she felt inclined to ac-
knowledge her hypocrisy and ask forgiveness
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-06-15
SOME IRISH STORIES.
Ecom N. london sp,e,a,or.


gentleman, Oyerhearing car-driver askina
an exOrbtrant OF unsu pecting foreigner.
postuated with him his audaciOus MEASUREMENT Of
the tariff concluding with the words, wonder you
haven't more regard for the truth" Och indeed. thin,
I've a great dale regard for the truth than to
dthraggng her out every pathry OCCASION was tho
reply.
The Irish bull hourishes In Munster IA freely as the
other provinces OF Ireland But far the best exponent II
this form OF speech a country doctor now, alasl
gathered his fathers. IN mental habit lac true
iueal descendant OF Sir Boyle Roche. Though hardly
calculated satisfy logical mind his expressions
were often exceedingly picturesque aud effective. Con-
yerslng with friend about the high rate OF mortality
then prevailing he remarked, Bedad. there people
dy ing who never died betOeE Nhaf an admirable result
was here obtained by merely substituting the Indicative
for The conditional niOOdtO put 10 from the gram
marians point OF view Speaking Of neighbOr who
daring rather than expert mariner he related how
his Yacht TAD stuck fast and loose in the mud Agaia,
at a meeting OF 3huroh.wardens when II was fdebated
whether the pew OF "A gentleman who had seeded
Reyivaism should he retained for him the doctor
urged that it should adding as reason, lis unbe-
haps ,entrated inaccuracy statement nothing
can surpass the following sentence which occurred I'M an
account ot burglary given In am Irish Newspaper
After fruess search. all the money was recovered,
will not quarrel with the lack OF toy which gave this
and the following 70 the world Our most famous liz.
dancer by his death in faction night at a village
fair. An inquest was hold at which q verdict was
brought In that he met his death 10y the visitation OF Goa
under suspicious circumstances.
MalaprOps often closely related as they arc 90 bulls
are not specially confined TO Irish soil quiet young
English lazy overheard the other day by the writer
spend his christmas vacuum STILL IL Is by i'm
probable that Sheridans famous creation had Irish
prototype Tho following remark made by the old
doctor mentioned above, may serve 20 conclude fer the
recent and mysterious event, he devouty exclaimed
The ways OF Providence are unserupulouar
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-06-15
JuHRNTUS MUNDL.
Erom MacmalIan,s Magazine. ,

from MacFatlans Edgdzine'
LIST a tale fairy sent us
Eresh from dear Mundi Juventus.
when Love and all the world was young
And mea still faced this fair creation
with humor. heart imagination.
Who csrtne hither from Morocco
Every spring on the sirocco.
In riAsc she, ano he IN ycltoW,
singiGy ever clear and mellow,
"SGoet, sweet, eweft, sweet sweet you, sweet you,
Did be beat youi Did he beat you =
PhyllOphneustes wise felix call them.
Bnt don't yOu know what did bafall teem,
Nhy they ever thought of coming
All that way 20 hear gnats humming.
Why they built not nests bu houses,
Like the humble-bees and moIscs.
Nor how little birds GOT wings,
Nor what 'ns the small cock sings
How should they know-stupd fogiesl
They dareii't even believe in hosies.
Once they were a girl and hoy,
Each the others life aud 10y.
He Daphnis, she a Chloe
Only they were brown, not snowy,
TIL an Arab found them playing
Far beyond the Atlas straying.
Tied the helpless things together.
Drove them ia the burning weather,
In his slaye-gang many league
TIL they dropped from wild fatigue.
Up he caught his whip OF hide.
Lashed each soft brown back aud side
Till theft little brains were burst
with sharp pain. and heat, ana thirst
Over Der she poor boy lay.
Tried to keep the blows away.
TIL they silfcnCd into clay,
And the mfiau rode away.
Swooping DER the tainted ground,
CarT10n VultUres gathered round
And the gaunt hyeDas ran
Tracking up the caravan.
But--Ah, wonder that was gone
Which they meant TO feast upon.
And, for each. yellow wren,
One cock, and one hen.
Sweetly waTbling, fitted forth
Ger the desert toward the north.
But n shade Of bygone sOrrOw,
Like a dream upon the morrow,
Round his tiny brainlet clinging,
Sets the wee cock ever singing,
" Sweet sweet, sweet, sweet sweet you, sweet you,
Did ne beat yOul Did he beat you 7"
Nultuses crOaked, and hoped and Topped
But their evening meal was stopped.
And the gSunt hyonas foul,
Sat down their tails 10 howl
Northward toward the cool spring weather,
Those two wrens fled on together,
Gu TO England DER the
Where all folks alike are free.
There they built cabin, wattl2d
Like the huts whore first they pr:lttlei,
Hatched aud fed, as safe as may ne,
Many n tiny feathered baby.
But Ia autumn south they 20
Past the straits. and Atlas' Snow,
over drscrt. over mountain,
To tie palus beside the fountain,
Where. when once they lived before, no
Told her first the Old, old story.
"What do the doves say : CuTu6-CO9,
You love me and love you
1873. CHARLES KINGSLEY.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1884-06-15
an EARL IN Trouble.
From me Lfr,rpool lfererrN.

From me LtuerpoOi Mercury
Ii was announced on Saturday that LORD
Ayes0Td-whO, having been burnt out In Texas mas
returned to this country 10 buy stock for his rancheo
broken his leg at London Bridge Railway station some
light thrown the accident by two ADVERTISEMENTS
which appear this morning The first Il from LORD
AyesfOrds solicitor who asks for the evidence OF any
person who Witnessed an assault upon MS client by
railway official That Ia the first light The second ad-
yertsement comes from tho railway company. 'Ihe
lady who arrived London Bridge station from Dorkng
and Epson at about IL .35 Wednesday night DERBY
day. and unable 10 aght from the carriage IN con-
sequence OF passenger apparently asleep blocking up
the doorway by placing his feet the opposite seat and
who had obtain the assistance OF one or the company
officials 20 remove his feet s requested 10 communicate
The carl would To Do unucy every unlucky
ia his fortunes IN his married life In bis Texan home
and In a short return To England lie Is hereditary
legislator.
Press and daily Dakotaian. (Yankton, Dakota Territory [S.D.]) 1880-1889, 1884-10-23

Hnmors Of dirty work on the part OF th.
innktoh delegation bayc reached your
ofrespondent's ears. for which there j,
probably some foundation"
All the members OF the Turner county
delegations to the legislative convention
have returned to their homes, the dele.
CATION which was unbeated going thiH
morning. This delegation held an ex.
tended conference ut the Madison house
last evening at which Il proposition to
put an Independent Legislative ticket in
the field WAS discussed. The meeting
adjourned without action, but with o
sort OF an understanding that the inde
pendent move would be pushed on the
arrival of the delegates at their homes.
They base their action upon claim that
the convention did not treat them
fairly and say they are not bound to en-
dorse its work.