Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-02-28
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

plimcnt W nlb elOQuenCe. lie had d,
b pictsd the impenitent sinner under tn
p figure OF a storm tossed ship with hi
) sails split and driven by the gale TO Oh
i rock bound coast Of Cape Ann "Ol
: how he exclaimed, in tones of d,
0 spair, "shall this poor 81 n tossed slime
. be saved % Instantly an old " salt
t In the gallery, who had listened wit
4 open mouth and straining eyes 10 tn
preacher, jumped to his feet, and, In
voice that would have sounded aboy
, a hurricane, shouted, Let him pu
his helm hard down, and bear ava
, for Squam !"
In the courthouse an Irishman stoo
, charged with stealing a watch from
iellow-citizen. He stontly denied tn
impeachment, and brought counter
accusation against his accuser for al
sault and battery committed with
: frying.pan. The Judge was inclined t,
take common sense view OF the case
and, regarding the prisoner, said
I"Why did you allow the prosecutor
VINO is smaller man than yourself, t.
assault you without resistance? Had
You nothing in your hand to defend
yourself with 2" Bedad, your honor
answered Pat. I" l had his watch; but
what was that against frying pan ?'
A man going home at a late hour in
the night, saw that tbs Occupants of a
house standing flush with the street had
lett a window up, and be decided to
warn them and prevent a burglary.
Putting his head into the window be
called out Halo ! good peop-''
That was all he said A whole pailful
OF water struck him in the face, and az
he staggered back, a woman shrieked
out: "Didn't tell you what you'd get
If you wasn't home by nine o'clock ?"
"Oh, yes" said the eldest Miss Gull
ture at the table hote the other even
ing, 81 breakfasted yesterday with
Mrs. Brainweight, and we enjoyed deli.
cious repast-excellent coffee, superior
bread, and piscatoral globes, done ad-
mirsbly." "What 2" asked her friend.
Piscatorial globes" repeated the mai
den. "And what under the sun are
they ?" " | believe" said Miss Culture,
drawing herself up stiffiy, 81 believe
uncultured people call them fish balls. I"
She" dear Just as l expected.
That stuck-up Mrs. Jones husband has
got $50, 900 damages out of the railroad,
and you did not get cent, although
you were in the same accident" He
" But ] was not hurt at all, while Mr..
Jones lost leg and arm, and will never
again be able TO work" She" All
the same, Mrs. Jones will be tiouting
new sealskin sacque in my face next
Some people are just born lucky"
"Your Honor, the orders complained
Of cannot exist" "But here are TWEEN
ty complaints. J." yes; but l have
worked in my factory for the last fifteen
years, and l. take my oath l cannot
detect any smells" GAS rule, pris-
ouer," replied the Judge, as he shar.
the best noses are on the outside of
soap factories. You are fined S25 and
COSTS"
"The cantilever bridge at Niagara
Falls is the greatest in the world" said
a friend toa civil engineer in an up
town block. 81 think you may be a
little mistaken" said the man of
science, "No," replied the other, who
was a man of wit, and didn't care for
science, "even you must acknowledge
that it is without pier' Funeral
notice later.
AT a recent dinner, where the host
was somewhat inexperienced, there was
a lull in the conversation, and he, with
a view to relief, asked q mournful-look-
ing man If he were married. No, I
am bachelor, "stiffy replied the somber
man. "Ah said the host, warming to
his subject How long have you been
q bachelor" There was another lull in
the conversation.
A young lady in reading of a girl
having been made crazy by a sudden
kiss, called the attention of her uncle,
who was In the room, to that singular OF.
Currence, whereupon the old gentleman
grutf1y demanded what the fool had gone
crazy for. What did she go crazy
for?" archly returned the Ingenious
maiden. Why, for more, suppose.
Ono, l can't say as I was much i'm
pressed with Miss Strutsbout's acting"
remarked Brown; "but then she's
great actress, you know, she has her
special car, and 1t is said she doesn't
live with her husband. 1t isn't to be
wondered at the audience went wild
over her.
ooh, will he bite ?" exclaimed one
of the sweetest girls, with look oil
alarm, when she saw one of the dancing
bears in the street, the other day.
No." said her escort, "he cannot
bite, he is muzzled but he can hug."|
" Oh" she said, with distracting
smile, l don't mind that"
A gentleman atan evening party in
the far West, observing another gentle |
man eying his umbrella, stopped the |
thus You handle that
you touch that un brella, you
even look at that umbrella, and I'll
cram it down your throat, and then
spread IL I"
The current "catch" Is to ask your
friend If Christmas and New Years
come in the same year. Not few peo-
pie will promptly answer, "No, Of
course they don't" and a half minute
later they feel sick over their own men,
tai weakness.
When mans wife comes In and
sees him, razor in hand, and with his
face all lather, and asks him Are
you shaving?" it's provoking thing
for him to answer: ono, Pm black
ing the stove" but it is human nature
10 so reply.
"Do you ever gamble?" she asked
~ they sat together. her hand held in
MS. He rep led: "Eo; buff l want
I'd to, now would Re my time. How
70 ?" "Because | hold a beautiful
land." The engagement is announced.
"Let us play we are married." said
title Edith, "and will bring my dol
y and say, See baby, papa. Yes"
'eplied Johnny. "and will say, Don't
bother me now let me look through
he paper" |,
"Bill JONES'" said bullying urchin
o another lad, "next time / catch you
llone III fog you like anything."-|:
WE'LL" replied Bill, 81 amt often