The Red Cloud chief., 1884-03-28
Debating q Letter.

| UictatfuS D Lcttcfs
.Now, my DEAR" said MI. Spoopen-
dyke, when his wife had propped him up
in bed and stuffed some extra pillows I'M
! der his shoulders; ''now, my dear, take
your pen and ink and I will dictate a
letter to Specklewottle. If you will
play amauuensis | don't see why l can't
be sick Just as well as not"
Mrs. Spoopenkyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials.
"Shall l write on a card with a gilt
edge, or shall I take note paper?" she
asked.
You'd better use paper" replied
MI. Spoopendyke, severely. "When L
want to convey my ideas on a single I'll
carve 'em in with a knife. Now get
ready, for Pm going to start, and don't
you interrupt me or you will put me
out"
"All ready, DEAR" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into the
ink and contemplating her husband
a%nxiously.
"Mr. PeterB. Specklewot.le," COM
menced Mr.. ~Spoopendyke.
us his middle name .B?'" asked
Mrs. SpOopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand, and
testing her pen on the blotter. Il dOn't
think | like his name, anyway. Peter
isn't nice"
"If any other name occurs to you,
put it ill.," observed Mr.. Spoopendyke.
with a growl. "You don't need to
have a mans right name in a letter.
Put in anything and hurry up. will you?
Going to keep me in suspense all day
about who this letter is going to?"
Mrs. ~Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for a moment.
Now, I've got him in, dear"
"Got who in? Anybody [ know?
Am l debating a private letter to a
stranger? Got some particular friend
you want this note to 90 to unbeknown
to me? Who's in there?" I'm going to
know who's at the top before 1 put my
name at the bottom"
"Why Mr. Specklewottle, of course"
said she, looking at him with wide open
eyes. That's what you said. Now
90 on with the rest"
Have you got the date and dear sir
in, too?" asked Mr.. Spoopendyke, peev-
ishly, for he was trying to think how he
should start his letter.
NO, dear, you didn't say anything
about those" replied his wife. "You
only said the name, but I'll put the
others in.'
..Will, will YEP" croaked Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. Sticking on a great deal OF
credit to yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt We? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband? Well, YOU cant
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in;
hear me:%
''But I've got 'em in" pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendye.
"Then strike EN- outr' reared her
husband. ''S'pose I'm going to let you
put those things in and throw EN- in
my face from the moment l get well till
she day L die? Scratch EN- out, | tell
We; l don't propose to have my life
made miserable by reminders of yOur
kindness when | was fishing around in
the grave with L leg! Now what have
YOU got:?"
Peter B. Specklewottle,' said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, mentally satisfied there
could be no mistake in that.
Anything TO show whether he's a
man or a woman?" demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke. .'Any Mrs or ESQ.,
hanging to it anywhere9"
Certainly" replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. cit saws Mr.. Peter b. Speckle-
wottle.' That 5 the way you told me TO
write it. didn't you? Now 60 on with
he letter"
Then put: 4 am dying, and 1 wish
you
"Great gracious calculated Mrs.
Spoopendyke. dropping her per. "You
are not diving, dear; YOU don't want the
man TO think that"
Way not?" squealed Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke. "SpOse a man is going fourteen
blocks out of his way TO Get the mail
for 4 man who has only a cold in his
head? You put it that I'm dying. or
] II drop e into that corner ard write
the whole letter with one application of
the inkstand."
go on, dear" cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. .'Tve got it 50: only he may
think it strange that adying man should
write to him."
Then say, Il want YOU to get nv
mail from the Office. and tell them |
will be Owe in a day or two Got
that:?'
"Ycs." giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Anything else??"
"What,re you laughing at:H' howlcd
Mr.. Spoopendyke. N whom the incon-
g%ruitieS OF his letter hal begun to dawn.
What have YOU got that measlv mouth
of YOURS stretched ont like a dolrasted
graveyard for: Think I'm debating 4
comic almanac? Got n notion that this
letter is n kind of n rebus? Well, it
amt. and it amt a minstrel entertain
ment with a funny man at each end.
Whatre you laughing at? Anybody in
this country know"
Il wasn't laughing. dear" murmured
Mrs. S~poopendyke, with a m~arvelously
straight face. Il was only sympathiz-
ing with you"
WAS, eh9" grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. well, when it takes the form
or n visage like you screwed up a min
ute ago want TO be hung instead of be-
ing sympathized with. Another time
you open your mouth like that Pm 60
ing to put seats in it and start a