National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1884-05-28

has suspended Oh account of the absence of tho
editor. lie is In Jail.
AN inquisitivo friend wan ts to know, il
George Washington was the father of his country,
why is not U. s. Grant tho sigher of Wall street,
Bdson Transcript.
NEVER speculate with your own money!
my son, or very soon you may have no money!
with which to speculate. Don't be selfish. Give
your friends money the first chance.
AN experienced tramp objects to the GUS
tom so prevalent among his clients OF advising
him to go to work when he asks for vlctuals.(
"strange," he says, that they persist in talking
shop"
THE summer hotel keeper smiles serenely.
at the Wall street furry and wonders why peoA
pie will put their money in stocks when 1Ox1i
lath and. plaster boxes bring In an income Of
600 week each.-Boston Commercial Bulletin
A TIMID woman lett the gallery of the
house OF representatives in u great hurry and
much affrighted the other day. The speaker had
announced that the calendar should be cleared.
She understood him to say gallery" and fed.
ENGLAND assists her emigrants when they
leave for America. Emigrants from the United
States do not require governmental aid They
help themselves. They usually make their de-
pOrture contemporaneously with bank defalca-i
ton.
than hanging" said the condemned murderer, as
he sat playing a quiet game of euchre with bank
defauler, sit is the thought that my portrait will
be displayed in morning newspaper. The very
idea is maddening."
New ORLEANS cabbage dealer is attract
ing customers with strange exhibit. He shows
them, instead of single head of cabbage, no less
than twenty. four small heads upon single stalk.
These are punched closely together. and form a
| singular freak Of nature.
"AH, Crimsonbeak, my good fellow, can
you tell me why we see 50 many heavy swells on
the ocean," asked Yeast of his friend the other
evening. mo, really cannot" replied Crimson
beak, unless 1t is that they are having q little
| time out with the buoys."- ponkcrs Salesman.
"AT microscopic exhibition in Boston
| lately the sting of a honey-bec was thrown upon
! the screen, the point being so sharp as to be
hardly distingulshabe." 1t Is not necessary to go
to all this trouble in order TO discover the exist
ence Of bee sting, however.-JerSey City Journal.
TEXAS forty years ago was practically
desert aud the handful of settlers lived entirely
| on game. To-day there are more than 100000
| cattle, sheep horses, mules, and swine in the
| state and the cotton crop last year was worth
more than the cotton crop OF the entire United
| States in lSi3.
| CAMELs utterly wild may be seen on the
desert lands at the head of the Gulf of California,
where they find Il congenial home and multiply
steadily. These are remnant of a herd which
many years ago was imported by the government
to act as beasts of burden for the army in New
Mexico and Arizona
WHEN Chinese Gordon first visited the
Seychelles islands and saw the curious grove Of
| palm trees there-which grow In pairs, and II one
is cut down its mate also dies-he at once indited
an official dispatch announcing that he had dis
covered the original Garden of Eden. in which
trees ofgood and evil are still nourishins.
you mustn't be alarmed. Mr.. Lamb, ire
marked Wall.street broker "our recent panic
has been simply purifying process. Matters will
be all the better for It," 80 you call it purify
ing process do your ayes, simply that" "well,
guess you are right" Mr.. Lamb sadly acknowl-
edged as he turned to 60 at certainly cleaned me-
out eiiectually.'
A SHAKsPEAREAN scholar with profound
detestation fbarn yard fowls resides in the peace-
full and churchly city of Brooklyn Whenever no
hears his neighbors' fowls expressing their feel
ings in the language yet to be interpreted for the
benefit of humanity, he glares at them after the
manner of Macbeth, and exclalms, "Hens, horrible
shadow, unreal mockery hens"
"WHAT has become Of our wonderful crm-
son sunsets, wonder?" said Tom. why" re-
piled Laura. thoughtfully, looking up from the
Bdsar 81 suppose they have all gone out of style.
Everything is very quiet and elegant this spring.
knew those winter sunsets wero too high.colored
to last long. They might do for the evening""
she said presently, in reflective mood, "but they
were too loud for the street." And, bending over
the description of new walking suit, she did not
see Tom, falling from his chair, staring wildly at
her and painfully gasping for breath.
BY experimenting on pigs, the wise men OF
the French temperance society have ascertained
a low intellectual development is simply stupe-
fed by alcohol, while big brain is excited and
even ora2ed The pigs quietly went to sleep every
time they got full, and never showed signs of ex-
element, or any abnormal desire to whoop her up
and paint the town red and howl and break
street lamps. This is proud news for the man
who gets roaring drunk and always wants to yell
around when the rest of the crowd want to 60 to
bed.-BurlingloR Halrkeye.
The Rev. Leonard Jenyns, author of "0b-
seryatlons on Natural History tells an owl story.
He knew tame owl that was so fond of music
that he would enter the drawing room OF an even-
ing, and perching on the shoulders of one of the
children, listen with great attention to the piano.
forte, holding his head first one side and then
on the other, after the manner of connoisseurs.
ono night, suddenly spreading his wings, as IL
unable TO endure the rapture any longer, he
alightod on the keys, and driving away the fingers
OF the performer with his beak, began to hop
about the keys himself apparently in great de-
light with his own execution. This pianist was
born IN the woods of Northumberland, and be-
longed to a friend of the reator Of the story.
"I WAR lookin' fur you bout an hour ago."
observed colored citizen to Il policeman whom
he met on Hastings street yesterday. what was
the trouble2" "a pusson clalmiu to BIO my wife,
an havin' three children behind her, arroved
from Canada" "Did, ell p" "Yos sab, an de
fust knowed of 1t de crowd was right AZ do doah
ofmy house. l jist kinder reckoned on sort o
cyclone you know. Looked rs If 1t would como
powerful sudden on de wife an two chil'en in
side" "Whew Aud what did you do ?" Broke
dc ice VERY gradual. sab, ls'pected dard be
screamln' an yellin an ha'I.pullin', but cherry
thing moved oil de tranquillest you cher saw. De
pusson from Canada stuck to 1t dat she was do
VERY woman l run'd away from five vars ago,
an 80 when / saw dat 1t was no good to argy
took dc hull Of em in "And what did No 9
say?" "Nuhin' very important. She kinder
clawed aroun' fur a spell an den settled down
De chillen took to each odder right away, an ;
dey Is now minglin' together in dc harmoniest
manner" "And you are going to run two faml-
lies2" well, sab, lie suggested dat one take In
washin an de odder dc ironin', while kinder
boss de job, an | reckon Wen git along widout
any serious perforashuns. lee pusson dat am
bound to have tranquility aroun my house Rt
any cost. You kin sort o. hang aroun' heah, you
know, an If dGr should be sudden unshot do
sight Of you would go n sc ways 10 embelliSb
renewed harmony, "-Dea0 oil Zee Press