Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-12-08
Par excellence-a good father.

al CANSiiSICS- S-OOh itse4ASi'
The disease of the meter-Gas trick
fever.
The umbrella is good Christian after
all. 1t always keeps lent.
How does a goose resemble cows
tail? They both grow down.
The women who sailed with Noah dur
ing the food were the first Ark angels.
What is worse than raining cats and
dogs? Hailing omnibuses.
What should clergyman preach about?
About quarter of an hour.
Why is an old mans house always easy
to enter? Because his gait is broken and
his locks are few.
Sleep is very healthful. There is no.
body who knows this better than the
hired girl, especially in the morning.
Even the homeliest man, when assist
ing fellow passenger to put his nickle
in the street car box, is passing fare.
Hens may oe little backward on eggs,
but they never fail to come to the scratch
where flower beds are concerned.
The receipts of the friction match man.
ufacturer are gross, but the man who
sells the matches is generally grocer.
''Papa, why don't you grow some straw
| in your garden?" sWhat for, child?'
"Why, so we'll have strawberries
The youth who is ever ready to scrape
acquaintance will find the shaving bust
ness congenial pursuit.
gentleman who fell asleep with lot
of matches in the pocket ofhis pea-jacket
woke up and found that he had a smok
ing jacket on.
"No, Laura; no. They do not oper
the campaign with Il can opener. They
do it with a corkscrew. How little, alas
do women know about politics.
No girl in Norway is allowed to have
beau until she can make bread. In this
connection it may be stated that Norwe
gian girls learn to make bread at very
early age.
live dog is better than a live lion, ant
dead dog is better than a live lion; a
least we would rather own a dead dog
than a live lion, and we are not very font
of dead dogs either.
Something wrong in Ohio again.
man refused to take 50 900 back pension
money. Taking Ohio as a whole, She
makes some of the most unexpected
breaks of any section in the universe.
home, seized an umbrella from the rack
opened it, and proceeded to his wife''
bedroom. care you crazy?" exclaimed
the grieved and indignant matron. 'sNo,
replied he in an unsteady voice, "but-
hic-I supposed there'd be storm, 81
I've come prepared for it,
A little girl whose papa was recent.
under the influence of Moody and Sankey
wanted a second tart at supper, and wa
refused it. s'Papa," she said abruptly
'swhy do you sing Feed me till l want NJ
| more? She got the tart.
The following was recently found post
ed in the lobby of church: ''Notice-
The person who stole Songs of tn
Sanctuary from seat No. 80, should in
prove the opportunity of singing thel
here, as he will have no occasion to sin
them hereafter"
A Detroit minister who married a COT
pie the other day, forgot to fill out til
blank in the date of the certificate, lea'
ing it to read "Oct. 10, Is Next ola
the groom returned alone, and after col
siderable hesitation asked to have the
added, explaining: "You see, so far ;
l am concerned, it is all the same, but n
mother-in-law feels a bit put out about
She says that eightyfour years makes
heap of difference in her age
Young Swipes has quit visiting MI
Loosetongue's daughter on College ave
ue, in Austin, Tex. The other evenil
he was around there, and the young hop
full of the family asked: s.Mr. Swipes,
you make bakers bread?" s.No; of cour
1 don't. Why?" seCause ma said til
you was light-headed, that Mr.. Lnndbe
would make money by hiring you to 10
e e at the fl our to make his bread rise.''