Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-07-09
PLEASANTRIES.


A SUBURBAN journal says: "The fire.
works on the Fourth will be on Skin
neris Head" Pleasant for Skinner
Boston Post.
ST WANDER by the weigh-side," said
the grocer, as he carried some sugar to
the side of his store where the scales
rested Rochester Democrat.
A SMALL boy testified in Justices
court that the affray took place on a
Sunday. How do you know it was on
a Sunday?" Because that day had
to go to the side door of the saloon to
get beer for dinner"
A CHRONIC vagrant was up before the
Austin recorder yesterday. @How is it
that you can't find any work to do when
there is such demand for laborers just
now?" "I don't want to find any work, !"
was the candid response. II am presi-
dent of the laboring club"
OSCAR LoQUITAR- What shall we
have for dinner to-day, love? Shall it
be lily au natural or sunfower a La pan
cake?" @Now, Oscar dear, don't be q
fool; just order lamb and mint sauce,
and few strawberries. I'm hungry
New York Commercial Advertiser.
The @loudest" female fashion de-
scribed this spring is "bugle" trimming
on accordion" skirts. Why the "futed"
ruffies are omitted is not explained.
With such dress a lady should not
wear brass band around her wrist-as
many of them do Norristown Herald.
HERBERT SPENcER's lucid remark
that "an incidental force falling on an
aggregate containing like and unlike
units segregates the like units and
separates the unlike" never strikes a
young man so forcibly as when tailor
refuses to trust him for new spring
suit Norriston Herald.
LITTLE Freddie was talking to his
grandma, who was something of a
skeptic 'Grandma, do you belong to
the Presbyterian church," s'No."
t'To the Baptist?" "No." ''To any
church," mo" well, grandma.
don't you think it's about time to get
in somewhere Pr Lawrence Ameri-
can.
"SHALL I help you to some butter,
Mr.. Smith ?" asked the host. ''No,
thank YOU" "Don't you eat butter?''
'No, not now. used to, but I've re-
formed, you know. I'm proud to say
am now temperate man." ST know !;
but / don't see why that should inter
fere with your eating butter" 'I
don't take anything strong"
PARADoxIcA.-O rainy day last
week Gilhooly got into an Austin Ave
nue. street car, which was crowded to the
very utmost. When he put his fare in
the box he remarked to the driver: "The
railroad company think they are very
smart but you can just tell them for me
that if they let SO many people crowd
into car, nobody willride in the cars at
all Texas Siftings.
RUINED Customer ito smart broker)
Good heavens, Ticker, you told me
yesterday that O. and T. was a good
buy. I bought thousand shares at
40, and here it is down to 174. Smart
Broker with bland smile)-Very true;
I did tell you it was a good buy; and
so it vas good by TO your money!
CRuined Customer rushes home and
Furnishes his children,)-[Life.
BURDETTE philosophically writes to
young men: Do you be diigent in
your OWL DuS1u0SS Auu DC COQG0QG WIFI
It's rewards. You may not walk so
many miles IN six days as Fitzgerald,
but you can sleep great deal more in
that time; and if you do not get SO
much money for it neither do you get so
many biisters. On your little salary at
the suspender counter, you cannot clean
up 100000 on Wall Street this week.
But then neither can you be cleaned
out of $450,000 next week.
THE following conversation between
two colored citizens, on the subject of
vaccination, was recently overheard on
the streets of Austin: Use bout made
up my mind to hab myself vaccinnated
again. Has you cher had yourself vac
cinnated second time befo'?" "Yes,
sar. Use been vaccinnated the second
time free or four times befo,' and hit
took cherry time, 'ceptin' the fust time"
AS the object of colored conversation
aIists is not TO obtain information. but
merely to hear themselves talk, they
parted perfectly satisfied with their
interview.-ITexas Siftings.
BoTTs came down to breakfast the
other morning at his boarding house,
and looking about at the scantily spread
table, put bis hand to his head and said !: