davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
Celebrated Kissers.
ST. Louis Chronicle.

81. Louis ChrJuicle
Gen. Shermau's health is excellent
Mrs. Theodore TiltoD is teaching
music in Brooklyn.
Henry Ward Beecher, the retired
heavyweight champion. is devotiDg
his attention to free trade.
Soldene's Kisses are sai1 to have the
widest area
The Emma Abbott kiss is not now
cons .dered good toIm in first-class so
cIety.
Eugene Field. of the Chicago News,
has been ,aken back into favor Of
fashionable circles in that city, now
that he has abandoned the Denver
wsy. OF shutting the eyes and screw
ing UP the mouth As an incident 10
OSCILLATION
She is pretty girl and coy; w. f.
Hamilton saw, smirked and kissed her
against her protest. 1t cost him Sl4
and his reputation as an orderly clti-
gen of Duluth, MINI. Peoria Jour
nal.
TIE best thing to take when you go
to kiss a pretty girl take time he
more YOU take the better she likes it.
Winston Leader.
cid topper don't believe in the old
maxim: "A kiss is as good as smile
N. Y. News.
A scientist says the reason kissing is
SO pleasant is because the teeth. jaw
bones aud lips, are full of nerves. and
when the lips meet an electric current
is generated. This being the case,
Ella Wneeler's poetry can readily be
understood. Chicago News.
A New York clergyman says that
kissing is an American habit, and
should be discontinued. The honi SOFT
qui mai y pense kiss might be dispens-
ed with without loss to ethical culture;
but the kiss of love that meets the cold
lips of death, commonly known as the
Ingersoll kiss, aud the goodnight kiss
of the baby upon the arrival of the
sand mau should never perish from the
face of the earth.-Texss SIftings.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01

Have you been down to look
around /?
No! nc! / tells my vhife to 60, but
she won't stir.
She shumps into bedt und covers
oop her hea6t, und vhas left to do
all der fighting and be kilt! Dots
der kind of q White she was
The officer investigated, TO find that
eats were responsible for the noise,and
as he retired the householder vas call
ing to his wife /:
Mary. if You 60 down L shtand on
der stairs might a light and shot
gun und shoot efery burglar like
tunder..
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
LOSS and Gain.
81 was taken sick a year ago
With bilious fever"

Il was TAKEN SICK year ago
With billions fever"
AMY doctor pronounced me cured, but
got sick again, with terrible pains in nv
back and sides, and got so bad
Could not novel
1 SHRINK
From 22S los. to 100. had been doctoriug
for nv liver, but j, did me no good. did
no. expect TO live more than three months.
/ began to use Hop Bitters. Directly my
appetite returned, my pains left me, nv
entire system seemed renewed as if by mag
ic, snd after using several bottles am not
only as sound as q sovereign but weigh more
than did before. To Hop Bitters / owe
my life"
Dublin, June 6. 81. r. FITZPATRICK.
How TO GET SICK.-Expose yourself day
anu night; eat too much without exercise /;
work too hard without rest doctor all the
time take all the vile nostrums sdvertis-
ed, and then you will want to know how to
get we'll, which is answered In three words.
Take Hop Bittersl
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
Struck Oil.

Detroit Free Press.
1t was a Woodward avenue car.
A lady richly dressed sat in corner
of the car and said to some one with
her.
| smell kerosene oil.
So do [, answered her friend.
One after another got into the car,
and tho lady m the corner shifted sus-
piciously. and at last fixed her eyes
upon a quiet looking little man near
the door.
l believe he's got the oil, she said in
a stage whisper to her friend.
| know it. replied the friend. There
ought to be a law against carrying
kerosene in the street cars. Such an
odor! and she glared at the little man.
| shall inform the superintendent,
said the first lady aloud.
| shall inform the president OF the
road, said her friend with fixed and
CLASSY stare.
Ladies' said the little man cheer
fully, hadn't you better move The
kerosene from that lamp in the corner
of the car has been dripping down on
We ever since ne started, but SEEM We
both know so much / thought /
wouldn't say anything.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
PIQUANT PICKUPS.
Cuttings From Clever Elk
changes, to Amuse, In
terest and Instruct.
A Communicating Of the Grave and
gay, the Serious and
Sentimental,
Men Of Means.

The Or ummer.
A wealthy young fellow was counting
a girl of experience, and when he
asked her to marry him she was slow
to accept
My darling, he said, you should
have no fears. Don't tell you that
I 10 YOU devoutly, and life would be
a blank without you?
Yes.
And you need have no alarm about
our substantial comforts, for | am a
man of means.
That's just what | don't like. I've
seen so many men, and heard EN-
talk, that l want TO carry gun when
see one coming 'rouad. There are
so many men of means, and SO few
given TO accomplishing what they
mean, that girl feels like voting for
q prohibitory tariff and stopping the
growth of the whole lot.
The tank account was shown, and
be got the girl.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
An Obstinate Wife

Detroit Free Press.
The other night a policeman who
was patrolling High street heard a
blow, followed by shouts for police
and after a run Of half a block he
came to a halt in front of a house
where a second story window was
raised and man had half his length
over the sill.
What's the row. demanded the of
fcer.
Some burglars vhas in mein house!
was the answer.
How do you know!
hears ,em make q noise more ash
six times ]
Where are they {?
Down in der kitchen.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01

young mems verses, not he rich in
poetry. 1t will look back Oh the time
of Tennyson, of Browning, of Mause~
Arnold, as we look buck on the great
age that followed the Revolution. ut
is "a delight 10 live in our DAYS." said
Leo Y and We too. in q humber
way, may be glad to live in our own
much.reviIed period, which has not
lacked the gift of poetry.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
Tom Ochiltree and the Queen.

An Eastern newspaper, which hiss
been interviewing Congressman Tbos.
Ochiliree, of Texas, about his late
visit to England, describes the Texans
interview with Queen Victoria as
follows:
The Queen was graciously pleased
to hope that Mr.. Ochiltree found
his visit to London enjoyable. En-
joyable your imperial highness well.
| should pause to hesitate, exclaimed
the impulsive ranger. I've been
dragged out to dinner after dinner
and garden parties galore. until Pm
completely done brown. The Queen
looked sad and glanced at a portrait
over the mantelpiece, which represen-
ted rather hsrd-visaged, shock-heai-
ed man in a Glengary cap who might
have been a presbyterian elder. Mr.
Lowell shifted uneasily in his chair
The conversation was resumed, and
the Hon. Tom recommend her
Majerssty to make trip to the
Yellowstone Park, sssuring her that
if she should abandon for q while her
old Balmoral and Frogmore and
eGete Windsor an ID try it, she would
come back from her trip as bullheaded
as a bear and as brown as \ berry.
My God! exclaimed Mr.. Lowell
under his breath, if l only had a
dozen New York policemen here to
kill the Texas steer as measure of
safety. They might do it in twenty
four or twenty-five hours. The
Queen burst into tears, but. recover
ing herself with flattering condescen.
sion, said: All, well, really, Mr..
Ochiltree, scenery is all very fine.
But, after all. sir, as a statesman.
don't you think the grandpst thing
your country has done was the aboli
ton of slavery and that dear Mr.
Lincoln did?'
Mr.. Lowell turned pale and grosned
for he saw the hidden possibilities in
volved In the answer to the question.
The queens question gave the new
member of congress just the opportu-
nifty he wanted. Yes, you are right,
Mrs. Guelph. said he, in saying that
the emancipation of the slave was the
grandest act of the Nineteenth centu-
nv. 1t was the grandest act, because
it cost more lives OF white men than
all the niggers in the world are, or
ever will be worth. But madam, you
err in supposing tina: Abraham Lin
coin, wise and good as he was, alone
the negro. Madam, you
never heard of old John Brown, did |
you, John Brown, who died execrated |
and despised by the people of the
south. and regretted only by a few
people of his own sort in the north. |
Mr.. Lowell gasped for breath and
family murmured, this is simply awful.
[ don't see how war is to be avoided.
What shall l say to Mr.. Frelinghuy-
zen for bringing on this ENHANCEMENT,
War, war. war, and we've got no,
navyl Tom was now going, and he
vas bound to make brilliant perora- |
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
A Joyous Nights Dream with tt
Melancholy Awakening.


NewYOrk Journal.
Swift comes on the autumn night.
Dull and leaden is the sky. The wind
in mournful notes comes whistling
through the air.
A young man saunters down the
street.
The restless birds on Fastening
win 6 circle to their nests. The shaded
of night darken DER the earth.
A bulldog rouses from the soft door
mat and watches at the gate.
The heavy clouds in sullen folds
shut out the waning light. The song
birds note is hnshed. Family sounds
the whippOorwill.
A maiden twines bright ribbons in
her hair.
A joyous light is in her eye. Sweet
odOrs scent the evening air.
The stars come out to greet the
night. Tree waves to tree a last good
night.
An old man searches for his boots.
With much calm thought he turns
. hem up and notes the heavy soles.
As he draws them on in his eyes shines
expectancy.
The ripening harvest has filled the
farmers barns. The fruits of vine
and tree, and the products of the
field, have laden his hands generously.
The long nights of the fastening win
ter shall be passed in comfort
Two are at the gate. The young
mans arm is round the maiden, and
her face is turned to bis trustfully. A
prolonged sound of "swish-ah I! swish
.swish-um-swish-ah ]" disturbs
the quiet of the hour. Four lips have
parted. Up from the north come
hurrying clouds of sombre hue. Dark
DARK is the night.
Two shadows steal across the lawn.
An old mans foot is quick appraised.
A heavv thud. A young mans
cry of anguish. A girlish voice that
''Oh, my I" A stern "Sic
him: Tiger !" A manly form making
time down the street. A returning
log with well-6lIed mouth of |
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
The Local Hit" Man.

Arkanssw Traveller.
The slocal hit man of the min
strel show is a great humorist. He
has no education and could not couple
two sentences of English to save his
life, but he is the man to plunge an
audience into a roar of laughter. all
that is required to accomplish this feat
is to mention the name of some man
who lives in the town, some very fat
or extremely lean fellow. This is
pure wit, and persons who could not
find a CLINT of humor in the entire
range of English literature, veil and
swell up and explode, and look around
to see if they can single out the crush
ed victim. When he is found thew
nod and grin at him, and rough fel-
low sitting near him slaps him on the
back, and exclaimed "He got you
that timer haw, haw-he put it on
you-er he, he"
The Douglass Jerrold of the stage is
called back. and while he rakes the
% - ~~-~ Oh $500, G..
de bes' loakin' gal in town. Oh. she's
awful fine. Got a foot like Col Jag
Inns. Another roar. Col. Jaglin's
face grows as red as terrapin's eve,
and he tries to laugh. His friends
slap him, and the fools in front turn
around, stare impertipently and ex-
plode. Ten dollars a week is not a
salary commensurate with the accom-
plishments of the local hit man, and
the manager should better re ward
him. In fact, he should kill him.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
FRANK AND CLEAR.
Having Admitted the Strength Of
the Evidence, an Eminent Ply
sician takes Logical Ac-
ton.

The following letter tells its own story.
The signature will be recognized as that OF
the Physician-in-Chie of the De Quincy
Home,s nd author of Drugs That Enslaye,"
The Hypodermic Injection OF Morphine,
A Manual Of Nursing" ana many other
popular and valuable special medical works:
191 WEST TENTH STREET,
NEW YORK, August IL, 1885
MEssRs SEABURY & JOHNSON,
GENTLEMEN:-Like most of my profes
sion, L am cautious abont pinning my faith
TO any new medicine or curative agent Bat
your BENSON'S CAPCINE POROUS
PLASTER has broken through the barriers
and won its way to my good opinion.
Ny attention was first called to
IL some months ago by pa
tient of mine. Although / was veil &C
qusinted with the superior excrlerce of
your plaster and sntiseptic dressing. made
especially for the profession, the Benson's
was comparatively new to me. i hid heard
however, of its merits as a renedy. in Cases
of Lame Back. Local Rheumatism, Neural
gia, Congestion of the Bronchial Tubes and
Lungs, Dyspepsia. Torpid Liver and the like
affections, and have since begun TO exper-
iment with il personally. | find BENSON 8
CAPCINE PLASTER an exceptionally
clean plaster TO use, and rapid in ITS action.
Many tests Of its qualities, made in my
own family and among my patients, have
me that there is no other single
article so valuable for popular use, nor so
hopeful in the diseases have named
Should you desire to do so. you may use
my name to that effect.
Very truly yours,
II II. KANE A. NJ, MD
The genuine have the world CAPCINEI
cut IN the center. Price % cents
Seabury q johnson, Chemists, New York.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01

Women

Who want glossy, luxuriant
and wayy treSses of abundant,
beautiful lair must use
LYONS KATHAIRON. This
elegant, cheap article always
makes the Hair grow freely
and fast, keeps it from falling
out, arrests and cures gray
ness, removes dandruff and
itching, m axes the HI lair
strong, giving it a curling
tendency and keeping it in
any desired position. Beau
tiful, healthy Hair is the sure
result of using kathairOn.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
4 Judge and the Verdict of q Jury.

4 Judge and the Verdict of a Jury.
Curious comments by q judge even
in the presence of the prisoner, though
extremely rare are not unprecedented.
Mr.. Justice Maule once addressed a
phenomenon of innocence in a smOck-
frcck in the following words: 'Pris-
GAG f IF ssG lie Es"S COUNSEL for tie
prosecution thinks you innocent. But
q jury of your own countrymen in the
exercise of such common sense as they
possess, which does not seem 10 be
much, have found you guilty. and it
remains that | should pass upon you
the sentence Of the law. That SEN
tence is that you be kept in prison for
one dav, and as that day was yester-
day, you may now 60 about your bus
mess" The unfortunate rustic, rath-
er scared, went about his business, but
thought that law was an uncommonly
pulling business.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
Lost 100000 on One Game.

While riding in the environs of
Newburg / was shown the plain
house near the river of a gentleman
who lost 100000 at one game of
poker. My informant said he was a
man of good average qualities, but
had been brought up in the most
penurious manner by rich father.
His father thought that the only way
TO make a boy appreciate fortune
vas to give him nothing at all, so that
the boy, it is said, hardly was given
food enough, and sometimes went
around the markets hungry and ask
ing help. At last be received a mil
lion dollars but the gambling passion
broke out in him and some sharpers
took from him about a all of his
fortune, ard it was only dis covered
when ae brought suit for the last few
thousands, which, according TO his
education, seemed dearer to him than
the previous bulk of money he had
silently paid up.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01

pants. A look of deep cousent upon
the old mans face.
Fades the night. The stars die out
Bright breaks the morning light.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-01
MANHOOD

Speedily r~sts-eu oyt the use of Hcfalfne Treat.
sssessf, which ehectually cures Nervous Debil.
tfy, Los, yiriiity, Premaf--e Dee v, md
all tsousIs. ss'sng from oveNvosk and excuses.
Sample oS yIraline mailed Nres.. -e.i~a, by ID
dressing Dr. whittier, lE4 Racass.. Cincitnssso
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1884-09-26
81. Nlnry.street. Peterborough.
November, Goth, 1881.

NUNVTTIUUIi ~JIIT, IVvI'
Sir,-lt gives me great pleasure to in:
form you of the benefit have received
from Seigel's Syrup. | have been troub-
led for years with dyspepsia; but after
a few doses of the syrup, found relief,
and after taking two bottles of it feel
quite cured.
am, Sir, yours truly,
Mr.. A. j. White. William Brent.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1884-09-26
A SKILFUl SURGICAL OPERATION.

The American Ambassador at Vienna,
Mr. Kasson, has lately forwarded to his
Government an interesting account of Il
remarkable surgical operation lately
performed by Professor Billroth of
Vienna, which, wonderful to tell, con
sisted i'm the removal of portion
Cf the human stomach, involving
nearly onc.third Of the organ--and,
strange to say, the patient recovered
the only successful operation OF the
kind ever performed. The disease for
which this operation was performed
was cancer of the stomach, attended win
the following symptoms The appetite
is quite poor. There is II peculiar indcs.
CribablC distress in tho stomach, tccl.
ing that has been described a. lalnt
"aW g0Rcn sensation; Il sticky slime col.
lects about the teeth, especially Ill inc
morning, accompanied by an unpleasant
taste. Food fails to satisfy this peculiar
faint sensation; but, on the contrary, IL
appears to aggravate the feeling. Inc
eyes are smkcn, tingcd with yellow; the
hands and feet become cold and sticky
cold perspiration. The sufferers feel
tired ali the time, and sleep does not
seem to give rest. After a time the pa
ticnt becomes nervous and irritable,
gloomy, his mind filed with evil fore
bodings. When rising suddenly from
Il rccumbrnt position there is dizziness,
whistling sensation, and he is obliged
to grasp something firm to keep from
falling. The bowels costivc, the skin
dry and hot at times the blood bccom-
ing thick and stagnant, ana does not
circulate properly. After time the
patient spits up food soon after eating,
sometimes in sour and fermented con.
dition, sometimes swedish to the taste.
Oftentimes there is n palptation OF the
heart, and the patient fears he may have
heart disease. Towards the last the
patient is unable to retain any food
whatever as the opening in the intcs-
tines becomes closed, or nearly so. AL.
though this disease is indeed alarming,
sufferers with Tie above named symp-
| toms should not feel nervous, for nine
hundred and ninety-nine cases out OF Il
| thousand have no cancer, but simply
| dyspepsia, disease easily removed II
| treated in proper manner. The safest
and best remedy for the disease is
Seigel's Curative Syrup, n vegetable pre-
paration sold by all chemists and medi
cine vendors throughout the world, and
by the proprietors, A. j. White (Limlt
ed), II, Farringdon.road, London, E. c.
This Syrup strikes at the very founda
ton of the disease, and drives it, root
| and branch, out of the system.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1884-09-26
AN ALARMING DISEASE AFFECTING
A NUMEROUS GLASS.

The disease commences with slight
arrangement of the stomach, but II
neglected, it in time involves the whole
frame, embracing tho kidneys, liver,
pancreas, and in fact, the entire gl1ndu-
lar system, and the afflicted drugS out
miserable existence until death gives
relief from suffering. The disease is
often mistakes for other complaints;
but if the reader will asked himself the
following questions, he will be able to
determine whether he himself is one of
afflicted Have distress, pain, or diff
Guilty in breathing after eating? Is there
duh, heavy feeling attended by drow-
siness? Have the eyes Il yellow tinge?
Docs thick, sticky, mucous gather
about the gums and teeth in the morn
ines, accompanied by disagrceabIc
tasteY Is the tongue coated? Is there
pains in the side and back? Is there
fulncss about the right side as If the
liver were charging? l. there costlVe-
nessg lstherc vertigo or dizziness when
rising suddenly from horizontal posi-
tiong Arc the secrctions from the KID
neys scanty and highly colourcd, with
deposit after standing? Does food fer
ment, soon after eating, accompanied by
fatulence or II belching OF gas from the
stomach? Is there frequent palpltatlon
of the heart? These various symptoms
may not be present ut one time, but they
torment the sufferer in turn as the dread
full disease progresses. If the case he
one of long standing, there will be dry,
hacking COACH, attended after time ny
expecioration. In very advanced stages
the skin assumes dirty brownish ap.
pearancc, and the hands and feet are
covered by II cold, sticky pcrspiralion.
AS the liver and kidneys become more
and more diseased, rheumatic pains APP.
pear, and the usual treatment proves en-
tirely unavaiing against this latter ago
nizing disorder. The origin of this mala
dy is indi gestion ordyspepsia, and small
quantity of the proper medicine VIII
remove the disease if taken IN its Incl.
piency 1t is most important that the
disease should be promptly and properly
treated in its first stages, when little
medicine will effect cure and even
when it has obtained Il strong hold the
correct remedy should be preserved in
until every vestigc of the disease is
eradicatcd, until the appetite has re.
turned, and the digestive organs restored
to "A healthy condition. The surest and
most efiectulal remedy for this distressing
complaints is "Seigcl's Curative Syrup,
vegetable preparation sold by all
Chemists and Medicine Vendors through
out the world, and by the proprietors, A,
j. White Limited, II, Faringdon Road,
London, L. G. This Syrup strikes at the
very foundation of the disease, and
drives it, root and branch, out of the
system.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1884-09-26

Cnemist-dentist, Merthyr Tydvll.
TO Mr.. A. j. White,
Seigel's Operating Pills are the best
family physic that has ever been dis
covered. They cleanse the bowels from
all irritating substances, and leave them
in healthy condition. They cure cos
tiycncSs.
The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1884-09-26

Sir,-Being sufferer for years with
dyspepsia in all its worst forms, and
after, spending pounds IN medicines, |
was at last persuaded to try Mother
Seigel's Curative Syrup, and am thank.
full to say have derived more benefit from
it than any other medicine | ever took,
and would advise any one suffering from
the same complaint to give it trial, the
results they would soon find out for
themselves. If you like to make use of
this testimonial you are quite mt liberty
to do so.
Yours respectfully,
(SigncO Il. TURNER.