Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-04-25


Our friend Wilkins has IL little 5-year-
old daughter by whom has been van
pushed one of Lowell s most accomplished
linguists, otherwise one of Lowell's most
skilled tonsorial artists. She was taken
down to have her hair cut the other day,
and opened fire upon the officiating barber
with his own ammunition in the manner
following, towit:
100 pity well to-day ?"
eyes, little girl, L m pretty welI.'
500 mama well 2"
''Yes, my mothers pretty well.' (Snip.)
100 papa we'll ?''
Eyes, pretty we'll" (Snip, snip)
100 dress youself?''
"Oh, yes. dress myself" (Snip)
500 wash 90 own face ?''
"Eh? Oh, yes. of course.' (Gouge)
zoo fix 90 own hair P"
Eyes, yes.'' (Snip, snip, snip-rapidly.l
500 sew Sundays ?"
why, no, 1 don't sew Sundays
(Pause.)
100 sit down and read ?"
"Yes." (Snip, snip, snip-nervously.
''Can 90 read ?''
Eyes" NEARLY takes off one ear.)
100 been to school ?''
swell, some years ago." (Snip, snip.)
us 90 man ?''
"Ye-es," thinks some of infanti-
cide.)
''Does 90 mamma let 90 smoke ?''
sometimes. :" Tries to control cow
lick.)
"When ?''
''When she doesn't know it.'' (Snip
'When don't she know it ?''
''When she isn't looking" Tries to
SMILEY
us 90 all through ?''
Eyes all through" (Rslieved)
"Gooby! I'll come again sometime
won'tI?''
do (Sinks exhausted.)
And the little bud of promise toddled
out of the door without the baffIed barber
having asked her if she wouldn't have a
eafoam or a bottle of hair tonic.
BALM FOR BASE BALLIsTs.-Little
Jack Can go and see the picked nine
baseball match tomorrow?
Mamma Tomorrow! Why, tomorrow
is Sunday, my child.
Little Jack Yes, know. Can't go?
It's a picked nine.
Mamma : OF course not. It would be
wicked.
Little Jack But base ball is a sacred
game, you know. 1t is in the Bible.
Mamma Oh, nonsense! You are mis-
taken.
Little Jack But Pm not. Here it is in
the 18th chapter of st. Luke, 18th verse.
Mamma: Goodness gracious! What
does it say
Little Jack It says. "Where are tAe
nine?"
THE ADVANTAGE OF BEING MAR
RIRD WoMAN.-Are you as happy now as
you were before you married ?'' asked
Mrs. Yeast of young Mrs. Crimsonbeak.
Yes, indeed replied the lady; ''and
great deal happier" THAT is strange, -
suggested the philantbroplst's wife. mot
at all strange" came from the young mar
fied woman. "Y gu see, before was mar
Fled, used to spend half nay time worry
ing about what dress [ should wear when
Daniel called" Shut don't you try just
as hard to look well when your husband
Yeast. well, you see,'' went on the
bride of two sum mers, & don't worry any
about it now, as have only one dress to
my name. y Konkers Gazette.
Old lady (who has met with anaccident,
but is coming out all rightly: atJosh, ye
didn't heller none when ye thought was
a-dyin'. l don't b'lieve ye care no gres
fur me-" ''Thet amt no signs l knaw
on." says Josh. 81 was too 0usy over We
ter heller. l hadn't no tlme.' eva at,
ye mought a. tellered little far looks
sake. I weren't so fur gone but what d
a. know't." II mought heller little now
eff 'twould mend matters any"-this with
atwinkle in his eye. The old lady seemed
to think there was more to this than ap-
peared at first, and after studying the
matter little time, said: "'Pears ter me
'twould look leetle as though ye was
sorry came OUT On y.
A HORRIBLE AFFAIE.-A you ng mar
wrote OH two postal cards. Then he sturns
ed them over and directed them, but bg
mischance placed the address on the
wrong cards. The result was G. & M.
Pretzfelder. agents for the Cola and Sill
yer Shirts, Greensboro, n. G., got a polite
invitation for a buggy Tide, while the
young girl was made frantic by receiving
the following: ''Please send me samples
of the material your shirts are made off,
Greensboro Workman.
ssAnd SO your daughter is at the acade.
my !! How does she get along ?" Splendid
ly she studying all the higher branches. y
SIS she studying the languages ?''
sob, yes, she has nearly completed the
language Of Covers and is now engaged in
the language of perfumes. My what en-
education that girl will have when 'sh,
gets Standardization transcript.
''Why do you keep getting up and goine
out between the acts ?'' asked an unso-
phisticated country maiden of cssy cous
in, with whom she was attending the
theatre. 'Well, my dear co.," was his
reply, 81 don't mind telling you that am
trying to combine the delights of the
evening dram and the evening dua ma. ,
Burlington Free Press.
ibid Charlie kiss you on the steps %
"No, mamma" "What was that noise /
heard ?'' she slipped twice going off the
steps," Eyes, L thought it was two of
his Slips" said the old lady.