The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-08-29
WHY WE LAUGH.

Between the most ardent navigator ana
the North Pole there is still some coldness.
Commercial Gazette.
"Do," said Foggs, in reply to an inquiry,
81 ao dot sufferdg from a cold. I've bad
yellidg for Blade add Logad."
When a young man attempts TO put his
arm around girl she can repulse him po-
litey by telling him TO waist not, want not.
Chr Onicte-U Herald.
A little girl joyfully assured her mother
the other day that she had found cut where
they made horses she had seen a man fin
isbing one. "He was mailing on his last
foot"
A snake crawIed into a saloon in Yankton,
OAK, a few days ago, and although everyone
saw it, he had been there some time before
anyone had courage enough TO say that he
saw IT,.
'Tis n very good world TO live in,
To lend or TO spend or to give in,
But to borrow or beg or get mans own,
"ris the very worst world that ever was
known-Chducer.
A California man was recently found dead
in Chicago hotel. IL Is said that "a cham
bermaid knocked in vain for admission TO
bis room" This was considered 10y the Chi
cagoans as conclusive evidence of death.
"Mr. JONES'" said little Johnny to that
gentleman, who was making an afternoon
call, scan whisky talk ?" "No, my child;
bow can you ask such a question ?" "Oh,
nothing! Only ma said whisky was begin
ming TO tell on you"
A western zephyr carried COW quarter
OF mile through the air, and set her down
In a milkman's yard. He was so scared that
l. hal and fOnr miles
for a RI lie To shoot the curious looking ami
NAL with.-Free Press.
MWsiter!" Eyes, sah." "There's a little
chicken In this boiled egg you brought me-
Walter eyes the egg curiously TO satisfy MN
self, and then answers reassuringly, "Dats
all rite. boss; don't s'pose de ole man'll mex
emmy extra charge for de fowell."
"My dear madam" said the doctor, "if
your little fellow can't sleep l shall pre-
scribe a soporifc." "Thanks, DOCTOR" re-
piled the fond mother, 81 hope he'll take it,
but I'm afraid not l never could get that
boy to take kindly to soap in any FORM"
Clergyman (on his way from church to the
son of D parishoner rather addicted TO hunting
on Sunday)-My little boy, didn't see your
father at church this morning; am afraid he
does not fear God. Young Heathen-Oh,
yes, L guess Eb uOcc, ub LOOh Shh "'Na
him this morning.-Lue.
This world is full of people who
Are always discoDtented;
| Who II they chanced 10 buy house,
| Wish always they had rented.
| Or if they have one kind of name,
They wish they had another;
And when they have sister come,
They wish 1t was brother.
"Are YOU hurt ?" shrieked a dozen pic
nicking females as young man was tossed
| over a neiL hboring fence by an angry bull
ard landed on his head in the middle Of the
road. Hurt ?" he answered, "why, Of
course not; ain used TO coming down that
way." USED to it?" exclaimed the fair
chorus "Wby, hew can that be ?" 81 own a
bicycle" was the reassuring reply.-PhAd-
deiphid CdH.
Patient 10 his doctor-"And Is 1t really
true that | shall recover?" 'Infallibly,"
answers the man OF medicine, taking from
his pocket q paper full Of figures. "Here.
look at the statistics Of your case; you will
find that one per cent. of those attacked with
your malady are cured" "Well," says the
sick man, In an unsatisfed manner. "Weli,
you are The hupdredth person with this dis
ease that have had under my care, aud the
first ninety-nine are dead"
Asa train pulled out Of Kansas City re-
Gently, bound west, a fine-looking old gen.
tleman, who occupied seat In the smoking
car, was accosted by rank-looking specimen
Of Western humanity. "Goin' far west,
stranger ?" he asked. ayes, sir" replied the
old gentleman, politely, 81 am going to Den
ver." "Bustness or pleasure?" "Chiedy
for my health" "Ah, yes, l see. From the
east, ain't yer P" "Yes, | am President OF
the Twenty. fifth National Bank Of New
York" "You don't say so" exclaimed the
Westerner. Then he added In whisper:
"Gin us yer hand, old pard-I'm right glad
TO meet yer. I'm a Missouri train robber."
-Drdke's Magazine.
SOME SIGNS or THE TIMES.
"In court" said the card on the lawyers
door.
"Back in ten minutes" on many more,
"Gone 20 the hospital" on the doctors slate.
On another, "Sit down and wait"
"Gone 10 bank" on the notary's sign;
Arbitration" that young clerk of mine.
Back soon," on the brokers' book;
"CoIlecting rexts," on my agents hook
They were all too busy, a matter quite new,
Very sorry was l. had nothing TO do.
Then bied me hence TO the baseball ground,
And every man on the grand stand found.
On one of the many official excursions
m made by boat to Fortress Monroe and Ches-
apeake Bay, Chief Justice Waite OF the Su'
preme Court, Judge Hall Of North Carolina
and other dgnitaries OF the bench were par
/ cIpants. When the Government steamer
had fairly got out Of the Potomac and into
the Atlantic, the sea was very rough, and the
vessel pitched fearfuly. Judge Hall was
taken violently with sea sickness. As he
was retching over the side Of the vessel and
moaning aloud In his agony, the Chief JUS
tice stepped gently TO mis- side, and, laying .
soothing hand on his shoulder, said: .My
dear Hall, can do Anything for you? just
suepest what you wish" 81 wish," said the