Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1884-12-19
THE BRANDYSHANKS.
The Exciting Adventures of q Minneap-
oils Family While Visiting the Falls Of
st. Anthony.

The Exciting Adventures of a M~innesp-
oils Family While Visiting the Falls OF
st. Anthony.
Although Mr.. and Mrs. Brandyshanks
have lived in Minneapolis a year, they
never visited the Falls of St. Anthony
until the other day. They were accom-
panied by three youthful Brandyshanks
and a dog built very long for his eleva-
ton. ''Now, my DEAR" said Brandy
shanks, as he led the way across tho
platform, ''here's the falls. Here you
see the father of waters laundering down
catch that fool dog! Gauldarn his
idiotic picture, don't he know enough
to stay in out of the wet? Here is the
greatest water-power in the Northwest.
Here you behold what has made this
city the greatest-Maria, don't you ses
that fool kids about to tumble in? Co
SO wrapt up in his second-class squirt
gun that you lose sight of your children
and stand gawping at a lot of slush
tumbling e a board fence while your
own flesh and blood's trying to choke
itself to death on sewer water and saw
dust? Long before the foot of whit
nan trod these shores the fierce Abo.
rigine built his wigwam here and gaze4
upon this wonder of-Well, split ma
wide open, if that cussed dog amt in
the mill-race! Oh, yes, holler for him
to come back! He'll come! Can come
back just as easy as not. No trouble
at all for a bow-legged dog to swim up
a mill-race that runs fifteen miles a Sec
ond. He's just going down that way
for fun! Can 1 get him out? Can l tie
my legs in a bow-knot around my neck
and jump the stone bridge? Gaul-
darn a fool woman, anyhow! Any moro
idiotic questions you want to ask? Ex-
pect me to shuck myself and Jump
IN there to rescue Il fool hound that
don't know a mill-race from a pulley
boneP Yes, that's right, cry now! Just
hang your head &er the railing and
add your briny tears to the flood of
waters, for another dog gone dead. As
was saying before they put this aprons
en- the falls-where is the apron? Well,
skin me alive! Where do you. suppose
it is? Suppose it's some fool. thing it
wears over it's Mother Hubbard when it
dimes at the Nicolletp Have an idea
prancing around in your empty crani-.
UNI that it is something it ties around;
its waist with a string and pins up over.
its corset? Think it was. made up to-
order by some red-headed dressmakerP.'
Any notion o. tryin' to crib the patternn
The aprons that political platform set
on the edge that the water slides over.
Do you grasp the idea now? Oh, YOU
do? How did they put the apron onP,
l expected you had a few more ques--
tions sticking around in your system.
Think I'm an Encyclopedia Britannica
on legs, don't you2 Think l give down
information like. IN iron pump with a,
piece of chalk in the suction pipe does
city milk? Well expect when they
put the burned thing on they got a lot
of fool women to jabber at it and, con-
found it SO the water started to run the.
other way and left the falls as dry as a.
political editorial. What did they put;
it on for2 Have aa idea that they puta
it on to keep the blasted thing FROM:
takin' cold, l suppose, but they didn't,
The condemned thing was raade to cr-i
derfor a married woman to wear. oyars
her mouth to keep her from. exposingtt
her ignorance, but it was too SMALL, sol
they hung it over the hustle OF thet
falls" and he grabbed the ycun sgster.
kid and started for home, leaving Mrs.
Brandyshanks to dQEge the fuel wagons
with the other two as nest she might.-
Minnesota Bagoo.
One of the most remarkable tele-
graphic feats on record. it is said, was
the recent delivery of a message from