The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-06-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Always getting into scrapes-Nut
megs.
''Do take some more of the vegetables,
Mr.. Blood, for they go to the pigs, any
way."-HarDard Lam.pOOn.
Colored walters are the best. What
ever is said at the table they will be sure
to keep dark. Orleans Item.
"Half loaf is better than no leisure"
remarked the tramp, as he settled him
self for nap on park bench. --NeaO
York Life.
A young woman is about to open
cigar store in New York. We have nc
doubt she will have capital to back her.
Boston Bulletin.
Jay Gould's income is reckoned to be
at the rate of 50 minute When a man
asks him for a minute it means some
thing. g.-StatesmGn
The sunsets are still red, which is more
than can be said of great many scien-
titic articles being published on the SUBJ
ject.- Cincinnati Times Star.
A Japanese woman dresses her hair
only once in four days. This gives the
rest of the family an occasional glance at
the mirror. Bismarck Tribune
When freedom from her mountain height
Unfurled her standard to the breeze
She gave the ladies perfect right
To do all things-Just as they please.
Chicago Sun.
A man has been arrested in London for
simply laying up something for rainy
day. In his room over nine hundred
umbrellas were discovered. NOrristOaOn
Herald.
A preacher having married q couple in
the church the other day, unfortunately
gave out as the very next hymn, Mis-
taken souls that dream of Heaven. -
Chicago Sum-
"You can lead horse to the water,
but you can't make him drink, says the
old saw. You couldn't make some men
drink, either, if you took them to a
hydrant. nt.-Haaokeye.
A young dude once went to Tahiti,
But the natives all thought as a sweetie
They would find him so good,
That they used him for food;
Or, to put it more plainly, they eat he.
The Judge.
There is probably nothing in this
transitory world that will yield larger
and quicker returns on the amount in
vested, than poking a wasp with your
finger to see if he feels well.-C Chicago
Sun.
'Into the Tilt of loves blithe measure
there has crept a curious jar and halt"
sings Ella Wheeler. 1t appears that Elias
pa, too, comes down TO the gate some
times in his largest pair of boots. - C0sr-
Ger-JourzlGL.
A Philadelphia man compels his
daughter to eat onions every night for
supper and thus assures himself that he
can shut the house at 10 o'clock without
locking in strange young man. bur
liagton free Press.
Kaiser William, King George, of
Greece, and King Christian, of Denmark,
will meet this summer in Weisbaden.
Opposition summer resorts will have to
hold pretty good hand to beat three
Kings. .-NOrriStOS0 Herald.
A Canal street storekeeper conceived
and executed the plan of putting up the
sign, Admission Free over the door of
his store, and his place has been crowded
ever since. The average human being
does love a free show.-Pleayune.
Some one says mo thoroughly occu-
pied man was ever miserable The
Philadelphia Neus is convinced that that
man evidently doesn't know what it is to
attempt the feat of keeping twin babies
quiet while their mother goes to church.
''Yes, " said the English nobleman, II
was disgusted with Newport Why,
there were two other earls there when |
arrived, and didn't begin to monopolize
all the attention. America is becoming
too overrun with noblemen. -Bostoa Post.
A little fellow with tall, stalwart wife
was asked by friend if the contrast be-
tween them didn't often expose him to
mortifying remarks. ''Oh, don't mind
that - he said, cheerfully, ''but since
Sarah's grown near-s sighted, have to
look sharp for fear she'll step on me. ~
Brooklyn EagLe.
Clara Morris says her 'stage tears are
real tears" "Well, great Scott, they
ought to bel She's paid enough for
them The idea of woman.getting 5000
for weeping and then palming off imita-
tion weeps on an unsuspicioas, conhding
audience that has paid $3.50 for reserved
seats Why, we didn't suppose that any
actor or actress of prominence would
cry anything but real teaIy You can't
expect the property man TO furnish emo
fion we don't suDDOse. .--kfllck6te &