Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-12-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

What is the difference between tn,
| proprietor of cattle train and ses
captainp One ships his steers and tn,
other steers his ship. Hence thes,
steers.
When barn burns in Indiana Their,
Is always some smart young around
to throw an old bone and half doz
en- buttons among the ruins, and 9
terrible mystery" is sure to follow
Detroit Free Press.
Sound travels LAP feet per second
and yet when man rushes out of 0
side street and yells after car has
just passed, the sound never seems to
overtake the car and disturb the day.
dream of the conductor
"What do you think of FieldingP''
asked young lady of q recent college
graduate with whom she had been
talking about the early English novel
lists. co." was tho answer, ''it's i'm
portant, of course, but it doesn't
amount to anything without good bat
ting"
A Boston young lady has been pro
posed to by means of a letter printed
on the typewriter. Such care to have
it legible seems to have been entirely
unnecessary on the part of the young
man. Trust girl to read letter of
proposal at sight even if written in bad
handwriting.
Mrs. Grundy's latest tells of young
married lady in New York who, dur
ing a recent fever, insisted upon being
taken to the hospital, although her
own residence is one of the handsom-
est in the city. 1t is explained that
"she wanted to get rid of her husband
poker parties. "
One of the funniest typographical
errors ever made was in recent ex-
change. A reporter, in writing an ac-
count of a ball, said that the belle of
the evening "looked au fait." The
types put it that she "looked all feet"
Now neither the lady nor the reporter
is happy.-ProUidencc Sunday Star.
All the "Colonels'' in the hotel bust
ness were originally in the regular
army, and in the thickest of the fight
fought bravely for positions in the rear
of the advancing troops. Several were
badly wounded in the back, and one
had the heel shot off his shoe They
are all so courageous that they 90 to
bed in the dark.-Hotcl Mail.
snow" said a gentleman to n negro
whom he had just employed, Il want
you to come early every morning. /
propose to pay you well, and L want
you to work. wants me ter work,
yer say?" 'Of course l do" ''Dat
lets me out, den; | don't 'iect ter de
pay, an I'd jos as soon hire out, but
doan wanter work. Good day, sab. y
ArkanSaU TraUeler.
"It's powerful hard matter for me
to keep my religion" said a church
to his minister Every time
| think I've got an everlasting holt on
it something turns up to make me cuss;
so l am kept on trot between the
world and the mourner's bench. This
| lost all the religion l had
while trying to shoot Tom Green. The
gun wouldn't go off and l had to cuss."
Irdreler.
A lady--a French lady-is showing
visitor the family portraits in the pic
ture gallery. THAT officer there in
she says, "was my great
He was rs brave
rs a lion, but one of the most unfortu-
nate of mCn-hc never fought a battle
in which he did not have an arm or leg
carried away" Then she adds proud
": HE took part in twenty-four en-
An Irishman who was very near
sighted, about to fight duel, insisted
that he should stand six PAGES nearer
his antagonist than he did to him, and
that they should both fire at the same
time. This beats Sheridan's telling a
fat man who'was going to fight thin
one that the latter's slim figure ought |
to be chalked on the others portly per-
son, and if the bullet hit him outside
the chalk mark it was to 60 for moth
Ing.-MaRcheSter Courier.
Once in the dining-room of the prin-
cipal hotel in Amherst, Mass, a table
girl asked me: Has any other lady
taken your order?" was obliged to
confess that i had not had an opportu-
nifty to give my order to "any other
lady" A little girl of my acquaintance
whose instincts and training had made
her unusually polite for child, startled
the family by announcing: Mamma,
the swill lady is at the back door. -
Harper'S Bdzar
"Speakin' of productive SOIL" said
the man from Dakota, "the half has
not been told. A few weeks ago my
wife said, "Why, John, b'lieve you've
took to CROWN again 1 measured
myself, and hope Gabriel'll miss me
at the final roundup if hadn't grown
els ,,,abAe -, aA,,1I,'t
account for it for some time, till at last
L tumbled to the fact that thar war
holes in my boots, an the Internal soil
got in thar and done its work. "-St.
Paul Herald.
Mr. Wagner has left on record
quaint story illustrative of the curtness
of the hero of Waterloo. The tutor had
gone to Apsley House to tell the Duke
of house that seemed suitable for the
boys and himself. "The rent is so
much" said Mr. Wagner. "Take it,"
replied the Duke "The taxes are so
much" 'Pay them" 1.-THE furni-
ture is so much.n ''Buy it. Anything
moreP" "No, sir" "Then good morn
ing. London World.
1t is related of Charley Backus that
he attended church with his mother ut
New Bedford, and, while others drop
ped pennies into the contribution box, lie
put in so cents. His mother leaned
over the high-back pew and whispered:
Charley, why will you be so extrava-
gantP A quarter was plenty to put in
that box" "Never mind, mother"
said the minstrel, 'Tm going down to
the Sandwich Islands next month, and