The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-10-23

ROUGH on rats Cinnamon.
"WEiL, I declared exclaimed an ed
itor, as he inspected the baby of an old
newspaper friend-"if he isn't marked
copy of the old gentleman p-Bteriing
tom Free Press.
AT the rate they are Strengthening
woodchucks in New Hampshire for the
bounty on tails, the traveller won't find
roast spring lamb on the bill of fare
much longer. -Boston Post.
"WHY don't / tell the truth?" ex-
claimed Fogg. "Pll tell You why. If
tell the truth 1 shame the devil; and
don't want to make anybody feel un-
comfortable, not even the enemy of the
human race"
LITTLE EDITH has made discovery
in natural philosophy. She guesses
the flies always turn their faces to the
wall because they are ashamed of them
selves for being such horrid nuisances
to everybody.
@SEE here" he said to his clerk, Il
don't mind letting you off for day or
two, now and then, to attend your
grandfather's funeral; but / think you
ought to have the courtesy to send q
few Of the fish around to my house."
VIRTUogs hands are raised in holy
horror ct the thought of some of the
Greedy party eating their comrades.
Yet when William Black records of a
hero that he devoured pretty girl
with his eyes everybody applauds the
act.
The artic regions are not without
their pleasures. The Esquimau girls
are very pretty, dance, sing, andYdo
not care for ice-cream. Hot drinks
and walrus blubber are their peculiar
vanities, and sealskin sacques are sold
at two iron hoops and a tenpenny nail
SHE was floating serene on the ocean.
With the pillows she sank and rose,
With rhythmic. poetical motion
| The essence OF sweetest repOse.
| But the poetry changed to prose,
And her screams caused the greatest commo-
crab had caught one of her toes.
A FAMOUS Prussian General was in
specting some military stables. What
do see there" he said, in tones of
thunder, to q ergeant-"cobwebs 2"
"Yes, sir" was the respectful reply
"we keep them there to catch flies and
prevent their teasing the horses"
A NoIsELEss roller-skate has been in
vented. There is probably no device
the ingenuity of man can cOntrive that
will make noiseless the man who uses
such skates the first time, and sits down
upon the back of his head with his legs
shooting heavenward. Nothing but
/ death.
ONE of our English cousins was re-
Gently placed at dinner by the side of a
charming woman who had been re-
quested by the hostess to amuse the
stranger. They were getting on very
well, when he drew attention to a guest
opposite by saying: 90, say, do look
at that spotted man; did you ever see
such an object?" And the lady said.
with much dignity, to stop his prattle
if possible: "Yes; that is my hus-
band" And the wretch said: 90,
how jolly, you know, because you can
tell me-is he really spotted all oyer ?"
SHE said: Il bought plate of you
last October" This did not cause any
body to kneel and proclaim her prin-
cess among customers, and so she went
on, slightly subdued: And 1 want to
match it. Now, I'll tell you just what
kind of ware it was, and you won't have
any trouble. i noticed particularly
when / bought it. 1t had its Japanese
name, Only, written on the bottom. "
very sorry, ma'am," was the answer,
"but we have no more of those in
stock; and she does not know that
"Only" meant that the plate was the
last of its kind.
| DOT CANDIDATE.
| Who ish dot dakes me Ply der hand,
| Und speaks so awful nice und bland.
| IND urges me to join his bandl
| Dot candidate.
Who ish dot dreats me very schvecd,
| Ven on de corner of der streed
| We habben just a while to meet.
| Dot candidate.
| Who ish dot sngn' awful gay,
| Just like lark all of der day,
| Mid airy wings would fly away2
| Dot candidate
| Who ish dot covers ub his head.
| Und wishes he vas only deady-
| Der odder man hat win, you bed
! Dot candidate.
! -NorriStotcn Herald.
|