The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-07-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

Of ribbon about the neck Of the head,
and there you are
In Minnesota several girls are rail
road station agents. The road should
station agent at such places. Girls are
more liable to misplace a switch -
NoiTtst0wn Heraid
Bangs, indoed!n exclaimed Mrs.
Crimsonbeak to her friend, Mrs. Yeast,
who had suggested them; ''even my
husband wants me wear them, but no
can't pull the wool over my eyes in that
way"
1, is said that in Siberia YOU can pur-
chase wife for eight dogs. Now, if
you know what eight dogs want OF q
wife, and if YOU approve Of the desira
you can so to Siberia and buy one for
them.
Women are popularity accused of TAX
more interest in frivolous fashion lit
erature than in more serious matters,
yet perhaps the miiliners know more
| about facts and Figures than any 9TH
err class of people in the universe
Rochester ErPress.
Papa, what is the tarih?" asked
congressman little boy. Gazing CON-
passionately at heyouthful knowledge
seeker, and sadly shaking his head his
father replied; MY son, cannot tella
lie; | do not know"
Mr.. jenkins Washer, having sent I'D
his card and received word that Mrs.
f. will be down in a moment, steals
kiss from the pretty maid. Mrs. r.,
entering Unexpectedly: Jane, how Of
ten have | told you to always receive
your visitors in the kitchen?'
They chopped down one of the big
trees of Mariposa, Cal, few DAYS
ago, the rings Of which indicated its
age to be 4,30O years, and imbedded in
the heart of the monarch of the forest
was joke about house cleaning and
man falling down stairs on piece of
soap.
Two ladies while out riding in Polk
county, Wisconsin, came to a toll
bridge. On beng applied to for toll,
one OF them asked the toll-keeper:
How much is it?n The reply was:
For a man and horse it is 50 cents"
"Well, get up Jenny, we are two gals |
and mare. :"
A scientist asserts that shark bite
causes hydrophobia. A sharks bite
may not cause hydrophobia,, but, as an
ounce Of preventive is worth apound of
cure it will be best, when you see an
unmuzzled shark, to climb a tree or
jump over high board fence. Nor
r!5t1CH Herald.
Old Gent: | am delighted to have
met YOU, Miss Bonniface. knew your
grandmother, charming woman, You
can form no conception of her grace
and beauty. Miss Bonniface: Oh, yes,
can. People constantly tell me | am
her living image, Utter collapse of
the old gentleman.
An English journal calls the people
of this country "a nation Of pie eat
ers." Ii this writer could sit down to
a cold apple pie, such as mother used
to make smothcred in thick cream,
he would make use Of some other name
with which to abuse US. We have eat
en- pie that was almost religion. -Pdi.-
ade.Ptia Gail.
One Of the professors Of the State Uni
versity Of Texas was engaged in explain
ing the Darwinian theory to his class,
when he observed that they were not
paving proper attention. Gentlemen
said the professor, "when am endeav
oring to explain the peculiarly Of the
monkey, | wish you would look right
at me. "-Teras StNings.
a new dynamite gun has been in. |
vented which will throw a dynamite |
cartridge a mile and half without ex.
ploding the cartridge until the object
aimed at is struck. This would be 3
perfectly harmless and economical III.
strumcnt for the American rifle team tc
use, as they could fire all day without
exploding a cartridge.
Frugal Philadelphian: What prom
ised to be pure love match was brok-
en- off the other day when Philadel-
phia man discovered that his intended
bride had used four eggs in making
pie when eggs were as cents q dozen.
After worrying about it for week, he
concluded that a woman so eXtrava-
giant would bankrupt him within five
years.
"Pasteur Is never mistaken" is a
saying among French Scientists, speak
ing Of the man now especially conspic-'
uous because Of his experiments in by
drophobia. He has already done
good deal in discovering the germs and
means Of curing the disease, yet he re-
CARDS his remarkable discovery as only
beginning. "Oh, if | only had time!' 1
he says.
In order TO obtain in marriage the
hand Of the daughter Of Hillsdale On.
~ farmer, a young man has contract
, ed TO work seven years for her father,
4his is pretty good arrangement for
the young man. Seven years Of steady
) employment a courtship extending
over the same period, and the old man
, will have to continue buying his daugh-
ter's clothes, -N0rriSt9On Hcrad
The last words of a pressman Of u
Boston paper who was crushed in his
press recently were: $50 ahead with
the press, boys, Get the edition off
and don't lose any bundles" The SEN
timent expressed by the humble press
, man in the dingy press room, amid the
clatter of the ponderous presses, is just
as noble as that Of the gallant Law