The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-04-10
Debating a Letter.


dyke, when his wife had propped him
up in bed and stuffed some extra !,
pillows under his shoulders; ''now, my
dear take your pen and ink. and will
dictate a letter to Specklewott1e. If
you will play amanuensis / don't see
why | can't <be sick just as well as
not. GisisaAE ~ i.ssszlsE.f
=. Mrs. Spoopendyke puttered around
..Shail r&:Ns. tie on a card with a gilt
edge, or shall l take note papere" she
asked. 4,is.eE' iI s2 agas
,You'd better use paper. /" said Mr..
Spoopendyke severely. when 1 want
to convey my ideas on shingle, / will
carve 'em in with knife. Now get
ready, for am going to start, and
don't you interrupt me or you will put
me out. .I5.f.. .s.v&sl 5aE
':All ready. dear" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into the
ink and contemplating her husband
anxiously. 7 - 50. 7'' ia'-''5.-5
''Mr. Peter B. Specklewottle. '~lcom-
menced Mr.. Spoopendyke. .asst8t6
s'Is his middle name 'Bp'" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand and
testing her pen on the blotter. II don't
think | like his name anyhow, Peter
isn't nice.' +.,.....,
eff any other name occurs to you,
put it in, observed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
with growl '''You don't need to have
mans name right in letter. Put in
anything and hurry up, will youP Go
ing to keep me in suspense all day. who
this letter is going top ..-....,... Z
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for a mo-
ment ''Now I've got him in, dear.''
Got who. in? Anybody l knowP
Am debating a private letter to
strangers? Got some particular friend
you want this note to 60 to unbeknown
to me? Who's in there? I'm going to
know who's atthe top before 1 put my
name at the bottom" l-sas. .....
why, Mr.. .Specklewottle, of course"
said she, looking at him with wide-open
eyes. THAT'S what you said. Now
go on with the rest.' 5ia .5 aAss.
''Haye you got the date and dear sir
in, too asked Mr.. Spoopendyke. peev-
ishly, for he was trying to think how
he should start his letter. -sis
mo, dear, you didn't say anything
about those replied his wife. you
only said the name. But I'll put the
others in. +" -"
''Wil1, will YEP" "croaked Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. ''Sticking on a great deal of
credit to yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt ye? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband9 Well, you can't
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in;
hear mep" ra
''But I've got 'em in,'' pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke, ..a.
'.Then strike 'em out" roared her
husband. "S'poSe I'm going to let
you put those things in and throw 'em
up in my face fronlthe moment got
well until the day L die. Scratch 'em
out, tell ye; l don't propose to have
my life made miserable by reminders
of your Kindness when 1 was fishing
around in the grave with one leg. Now
what have you gotpo f -lt
''Peter B. Specklewottle. !" said Mrs.
Spoopendykc, mentally satisfied that
there could be no mistake about that.
Anything to show whether he's a
man or woman?" demanded Mr.:
Spoopendyke. ANY Mr. or ESQ.,
hanging to it anywhereP''
Certainly replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, ''It says MIR. Peter B. Speckle-
wottle. That's the way you told me
to write it, didn't you? Now go on
with the letter.
Then put: I am dying, and 1 wish
you y
''Great graciousr' calculated Mrs.
spoopendyRe, dropping her pen. ..You
are not dying, dear; you don't want
ho ,,on fn thinl fhotiD
"Why notP'. squealed Mr.. .Spoopen-
dyke. ''S'pose man is going four
teen blocks out of the way to get the
his head? You put it that Pm dying
or L Ii drop into that corner and write
the whole letter with one application
of the inkstand!'
go on. DEAR" cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, .1've got it so; only he may
think it strange that dying man
should write to him. @
'sThen say, i want you to get my
mail from the office, and tell them I
will be over in day or two Got
that?"
"Yes.'' giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Anything else?" a
''What're you laughing atP" howled
MIR. Spoopendyke, on whom the incon-
gruities of his letter had begun to
dawn. ''What have you got that measly
mouth of yours stretched out like q
dodgasted grave yard for? Think I'm
debating comic almanacp Got no.
tion that this letter is some kind of a
rebus? Well, it amt; and it amt
minstrel entertainment with funny
man at each end! What are you laugh
ing atP Anybody in the country
know?'
81 wasn't laughing, DEAR" murmur-
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke. with marvel
ously straight face. Il was only SYM
pathizing with you.''
''Was, eh?" grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Well, when it takes the form
of visage like you screwed up min
ute ago want to be hung instead of
being sympathized with. Another time
| you open your mouth like that I'm
going to put seats in it and start a
church."
And cogitating on the vast improve
ments in his wife's anatomy, Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, forgetting all about his letter,
rolled over and went to SLEEP. .-Stanley
Hafntley.
Wives of Ensland's Premiers.
Nearly all the recent Premiers of En-
gland have enjoyed the advantage of
| having had wives of great devotion
and considcral le ability, to whose ten
der care and sympathy in their ambi-
ton they have been largely indebted.
The devotion OF the Coun.rSs OF RuS-
sell, who is still living, AMI the Count
ess of Beaconsiield, had something of
romance Mrs. Gladstone, who is
naarlv the same aUa as the Premier