Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-07-30

some nails. i tied the hammer about
my neck with n cord and PIT the nails
and gimlet In my vest pocket. Arrived
ut the place where would nail the box,
| found IL necessary 10 uso the Ratchet.
Common sense or q few seconds
thought might have taught mo that as
the Ratchet would probably be needed
again Il should have been stuck by the
blade In the tree. No. had pitched
Il from the tree on the ground, SO
went down the ladder again for the
Ratchet 1-n
These continual ascents and descents
began now TO alarm me. They seemed
eudless, and at the present rate could
vaguely see more aud more in the dim
distance Of futurity before the boxes
were fastened.
finished with the Ratchet and was
turning the current Of my thoughts on
the hammer when, that instrument
being tied. so 10 speak, by the neck,
suddenly rs | leaped over a branch
turned n somcrsault, slipped through
tho knot and fell straight to the ground.
IL fell wonderfully straight through tho
branches, and on reaching the ground
lay there with dull, sullcn 'come
Observation-Disclosures ex-
pression. ..fl
I did not come down immcdi lately.
leaned over the branch and WORE at
that hammer. But il did not rise.
Then IL occurred To me how amusing all
this might be 10 any third party who
had nothing To do but hook on and SEQ
the performance. said; "Why should
not be the third partyp' But re-
| a az trI d Il
nothing TO do but sit down and be
amused, whereas / had all these per-
petual ascensionS and descensions to
make besides being amused. The con-
tract was too large. | could not be
thoroughly amused aud do all the work
besides. So ! descended again with
what patience | could summon.
picked tho hammer up. wanted Ia
wiring its neck. But what comes from
wringing a hammers ncckp Naught
save the necessity of buying II new
hammer.
The hammer was picked up rs it do.
sired to be. Again ] climbed the lad
der. In the midst of an apparently
speedy dispatch of the labors II new
trouble presented itself. The tree had
changed its tactics and called n new
ally to its aid.
This ally was hen-one OF my hens.
My back door and only door had been
left open. This hen had entered wa.
on my table consuming the remains OF
my breakfast and threatening deslruc-
ton with her awkward legs aud claws
to my crockery. II is this particular
hen that annoys me in this way moro
than all the rest While they are OF
foraging in the field she hangs around
that back door bent on thieying and
plumber
cried out "Shoo' from above sew.
eral times to no purpose. She wouldn't
"shoo!' She paid me no respectful at
tention whatever. She knew well
enough she had plenty of time to clcal
out of the house before | could get
down from the tree. made her sew
eral threatening remarks. She cooked
up one eye, winkcd at me in contempt.
out manner, and calmly went ON peek.
ing. / threw several twigs in the house
to no purpose. descended the ladder
and wrathfully drove her out. She
went out rs hens general do from any
pent up place, by the longest possible
way, with great risk to window paneS
and fragile articles from her iluttering
wings, and with great cackle and out
cry, as if she deemed it an outrageous
proceeding on my part thus to disturb
her while peacefully engaged in con
verting the breakfast scraps into fresh
eggs for my own use, which cHklc ant
cutlery was re-echoed by the head
ROSTERS of her community in the field
as il they too concurrcd and heartily
seconded her opinion of me.
So rebuked climbed once more the
ladder, and put myself in position fol
mailing on the boxes "a work of some
difficulty, since ! was obliged to max,
my body conform to the shape and re
quiremcnts of the tree and the variou,
divcrgelccs and contour of its trunk
and branches. Eilecting one position
found that in il | could not strike {
blow with the hammer through Tho
Interference of hostile little limb. IL
another | could not pull the nails from
my vest pocket found myself for tn,
work Immediately in hand constant,
lacking in the requisite number of leg
and arms. Ii seemed To me | coult
have kept then and there employed 81
or eight more of these members.
realized then the great advantages TO
such kind Of work possessed by certain
monkeys who could have slung them
selves airily and gracefully from i;
T branch by their strong aud flexible ex
, tension Of vertebr.r, leaving all tn,
. arms and legs free for other uses.
, was SO rejecting when heard tiny
modest drop to earth. IL was the gimle
, for which had immediate use. Itha,
fallen from vest pocket. A few nail
/, gently battered after it. Then Their
: was wrath. But to what purpose
: Gimlets on the earth respond and ris
no more to explosives than do hammers
The gimlct would not come TO me.
, went BY the old and usual route To TN
gimlet, wondering rs again | wearil
4 climbed the ladder if patience to wor
oat ones salvation must, like eternity
a be infinite, and il ones charity must b
= stretched to cover this total depravit
. of inanimate hammers aud gimlets.
I mailed the boxes in position. A
: now seemed to work smoothly.
: finished the work and went down tn
ladder as supposed for the last time
v | surveyed those four boxes with prid
/ and admiration. Itook away the laddc
O and logged 1t afar to distant corner
@ l resurveycd the boxes and discovere
Q that one Of them was hanging by
@ shred of bark shaking with the breeze
= as the nail had not penetrated to ia
4 wood of the tree, thus proving agai
i the total dcpravity of inanimate things
i Iwould not succumb. All my prid
V and stubbornness was now aroused
. ! had ceased to regard the placing Q
n those boxes on the tree rs OF the lirs
G Importance. This with me had bee
superseded by the desire of winning /
+ this game or contest with my splendi
d but stubborn oak. | rc-erected tn
n ladder. refastencd the box, and the
o waited To see what new ugliness on tn
: oaks part would come. But non
? came. had conquered.
y During the week several house hum
IS inc birds have inspected these Syirl