Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-11-12
PLEASANTRIES.

signs magazine poetess. Have you
tried the dictionary, dear?
The hay fever sufferer is devout in
dividual, because he is continually on
his sneeze.- Whitehall Times.
SCOTCH Sunday school teacher to lit
tie girls: "Why did the Israelites make
a golden calf?"-Little girl: "They
war poor, and had'na as muckle silIer as
wad a made co.,"
You are opposed to the use of slang
then, Jennie?" he said. "Well, I should
twitter!" she replied, and then he knew
that he must not use slang any more
in her presence Somerville Journal.
NOTHING takes the conceit out of the
average man so much as for him to or
der his paper discontinued, and then
see the editor going right along and get
ting rich without him. Texas Sift-
ings
A MUSEUM in Philadelphia advertises
"Darwin's Missing Link" We were
not aware that Mr.. Darwin had missed
link. His heirs should come forward.
prove property, pay advertising charges,
and take it away Norristown Herald.
FIVE thousand molecules can sit on the
point of pin. The infnitesimalness,
or infnitesimentality, whichever is
right, of the molecule can be under
stood from the fact that not even one
single little boy can sit on the point of
a pin.
"WHAT two beautiful children! Are
they twins? ?" said an old bachelor to an
Austin lady with two children. ooh,
yes they are twins" replied the lady.
Excuse my curiosity, madam but are
you the mother of both of them pr
Texas Siftings.
TENNYsoN fed from North Wales,
says the New York World, because he
was asked to preside at the National
Esteddfod at Llangwellydangdood1e-
Todd, and he feared he would be COM
PEELED toSpronounce both words on tax
ing the chair, SO he took leave instead.
THE raid Oh the Mother Hubbard
dress in the west is not attributed to the
pelisse. The girls, it is difficulty
stated, will geek redress. This is sort
of full-dress paragraph, and we jabot in
here simply to fill up. We didn't know
whether to waist basque it or not. y
Elk.
ORATOR at Press Club: Before I
took up the pen I had more money
than brains, but now have more brains
than money.-One of the audience:
How is it with those who have Meth
r?"-Orator IF the gentleman wish
es to relate his own experience, will
give way"
WEI noticed statement to the
effect that in this city every year $22,-
100000 is spent for liquor, but only
100000 for religion. That's signif-
cant. Neutrality-suspicious. of what?
Wife-That you men are having a
pleasanter time in this world than you
will in the next.
"CRIMsoNBEAK has been getting mar
ried, has hel" exclaimed Yeast to a
friend. eyes; he married a musical
critic" swell, the old boy had better
look out when he comes home late at
night and not strike the wrong key, or
her practiced ear will detect it in an in
slant. p Yonkers Statesman.
"IT is not every one who can dawnce.
It wequires bwains, I assure you" 81
don't agree with you, Mr.. De Silva" re-
piled Miss Badger. 81 saw dog lead
the German the other day" "That was
vewy strange. Where was it?" "On
Fourteenth Street. The German was
blind, New York Times.
PETER HENDERSON says that he has
sold $500 worth of early cabbages from
a single crop on one acre of land; that
he followed it with crop of lettuce
which brought $14O, and the lettuce
with celery which sold for $500. And
yet some people wonder why Mr..
Hayes sticks to the farm instead of
drifting back into politics. Philadel-
phia Call
The editor of the Posey County
Weekly Falsifer is in trouble. A lady
gave him two young CANNES and he &C
knowledged the favor by saying that
Mrs. Jerusha Parkinson presented us
with two sweetly interesting pugs. The
printer made it "hugs," and the lady's
husband stirred up the unfortunate ed
itor with hickory hoop-pole and a Gus
pidore.
He leaned over the piano and gazed
upon her face enraptured as she sang.
Indeed, SO intense and absorbed were
his eyes fastened upon her countenance
that friend remarked in a low tone,
"You seem lost" 90, no; amt LOST
he whispered. "I filed her back teeth
about ten months ago and I'm observ-
ing how the filing lasts" p Pittsburg
Telegraph Chronicle.
as Mr.. Hardest an extravagant liv-
err" asked Crimsonbeak of Yeast on q
recent evening as they sat and smoked
pipe apiece. "No, / never saw any
thing about his house that would give
such as impression" replied Yeast. II
was always under the impression that
he was spay-as-you-go' sort of man."
well, if he pays as he goes" said
Crimsonbeak, busting the ashes from
his pipe, she must go uncommonly
slow Yonkers Statesman.
THE cardiometer is stern presence
which turks beneath mans vest and
with incorruptible veracity keeps &C.
count of the movements of his heart.