St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1884-08-19
1.-THE HEATHEN CHINEE."
A Royal Route" Man Furnishes Fun
for the Portland Bows.

A Royal Route" Man furnishes Fun
for the Portland Boys.
1.-THE Sunday Necmy of Portland, Ore
gon, has the following good thing on VIM.
Meade, one of the most faithful and valued
employees of the Chicago, ST. Paul, Mime
apolis d Omaha railway.
Billy Meade, of the Royal route, is the
happy possessor of good education, and is
withal good fellow. When Billy graduated
in the eastern schools, owing to the fact that
he had no intention of taking up perma-
nent residence in China he paid but little
attention to that language and as result
could not talk to Celestial John even if bust
ness transactions brought him in contact
with the heather. Now, it came to pass that
when the officers of the road Billy represents
decided to establish an Office in Portland d,
they sent him out to take charge of it,
and he being ever on the alert for
the best interests of the firm, began
to bid for passenger traffic with a ven geance.
| There are several other railroads that have
representatives here, and it naturally be-
hooves man to arise very early in the
morning, work hard all day and stay up late
at night in order to hold his own, but Billy
is man especially fitted for that kind of
work and not a moment does he loose in
selling ticket whenever an opportunity
is presents itself. After opening an office
here, Billy discovered that the Chinese did
some travelling as well as other people, and
accordingly he had Chinese sign painted and
hung up in front of his office on which was
inscribed in Celestial characters the startling
| information that the Royal route was posi-
lively the best for people to travel over in
going east. Now the characters on the sign
looked like the scrawls on bunch of fire
crackers, and to a man not versed in read
ing the Chinese language the sign looked
as well upside down as right side up,
and so the boys, as soon as Billy had
the sign tackled up, resolved to have some
sport.
''Hello, Billy said one of them, dropping
into the office where Billy was busy writ
ing letter. 'That's dandy Chinese sign
you have there, but you've got the business
upside down. You want to hang the other
end up"
''That so?' responded Billy. ''By George,
do you know, thought the thing didn't look
right. That painter was drunk when he
hung it up, but 1 didn't know how to read
it, and so 1 thought I'd take chances. But
rn'fx it''
And Billy went out and nailed the bottom
and the friend walked off. But it didn't
stay that way long. Before ten minutes had
| elapsed another one of the boys entered and
said
'Forgodsake, Billy, go out and hang that
Chinese sign right end up. All the people in
town are guying you about it,"
cpd like to know who in thunder nailed
that sign up that way!'' said Billy, who was
ashamed to tell that he did it himself, and
| who wanted to make people believe that he
could read Chinese; and he went out, pulled
the sign from its place and nailed it the
other end up, putting in an extra nail or
two by way of showing his disgust Then he
went inside and along came another fellow
81 say, BLY, he said, ''if you don't want
to pay for the oysters for the crowd, you'd
better 90 out and nail that Chinese sign up
right. The boys are laughing fit to kill
themselves at the way it is now. and they
| say Chinaman will have to stand on his
| head to read it.
''Id like to know why the devil q man who
paints sign in the heather language can It
make mark on it so a Christian citizen can
| tell it's upside down from downside up!''
Billy blurted out, as he threw penholder
across the room and walked cut and tore the
sign down again, leaving the board as full of
holes as a country church steeple in wood
pecker time, and looking as though it had
| been painted ten years prior to the Christian
era. snow. if you know anything about this
sign, say so!'' he continued, as he slammed
it down in the corner and looked daggers out
of his eyes. every son-of-a-gun who has
| been here this morning has had something
| to say about that sign, and Eve nailed it up
about six times and the thing is getting
pretty tolerably monotonous! Now, don't
want any funny business about this. If YOU
understand the right side from the wrong
side. say so, and if you don't, forged sake
take a spin around the blockn'
''Well, excuse me If have hurt your feel
ings,' the friend replied trying to smother
a laugh. ''I've merely told you about it for
yoprs own benefit. If you want to be
the laughing stock OF the town, all right, but
/ right
This tended to soften Bilfys feelings, and
so according to the friends directions he
nailed the sign, not right side up, but side
ways, making it worse than ever; and after
setting up the cigars, walked into his office
with a sigh of relief. But the boys didn't
leave him in peace long. With the aid of q
couple of Cinnamon they began to throw out
instructions to Billy about the sign, and one
fellow said the painter had got the wrong
characters on 1t and made it read that Billy
had just opened up in the laundry business
| This was too much. Going out again, with
wild wrath, Billy tore down the sign, and
then began:
fittings have come to sweet-scented
pass, when town filled with forty thousand
people can't tell when Chinese sign is hung
up properly. First it's wrong side up, and
which side down, and oh how come you so,
aud so FORTH, And he threw the sign
across the office with bang and started out
to find the man who painted it, saying: ''You
can saw off my leg and / hope to die if
don't get that sign painted and hung NJ
| right if 1t takes me six Inonthsp'
What the outcome of it would have been
it is hard to say, had not the artist of the
paint pot explained matters, and after putty
ing mp the nail holes, hung the sign W
properly again. Billy is happy now, but
even yet he looks at the sign in half doubt
full manner if any one tells him that the
other railroad boys bribed the painter to fss
ten 1t bottom side up
Futility of Drudgery.
How mastery Of French conversation
can be acquired in an easy and efficient wa,