Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-10-15
NASBY.
Mr.. Nasty Goes to New York to Receive
Instructions for Stamping Tour
His Attempt and Failure.
Toledo Blade.1
CONFEDERATE K ROADS !
tWioh is in the State Nv kentucky, 7

Sept Is. 1884.
reserved call from the Nashne1 Central
committee to come to Moo York to reserve in
strukshens for a stumpin toor to okkepy the
tlme from now till Nov. 1, witch gladly obeyed
never hesitate to respond to call Nv this kind
elt my transportation from here to Moo York
wien is cheeper than Twin at home, for the COM
mltty send me money for meels and ez / SLEEP
most Nv the time on the way, to escape the
monotony Nv travel, l don't RELY need the l1k-
ker wlch Is nessary at home, and then wh1n
am In Moo York, waitin my turn, / hev the free
run Nv the saloons in the Sixth Ward. Tho the
1kker Is unusually bad ther is enuff Nv it, witch
ID some consolashen
wuz invited up to the committy rooms, and
hisself.
|. Where shell we send Mr.. Nasby?" said he to
the Secretary
The Secretary onfolded map Nv the United
oIates w1ch wuz marked all over in seckshuns.
L shood start him in Western Pennsylvany,
there"
Very good" sed Mr. Barnum, "yoo will COM
mence work in Pittsburg Here is the SYNOPSIS
Nv the speech 700 will make there, and 700 will
neeu TO study it keerfully so ez to make nc
mistakes 700 will observe that in Pittsbure
the cotashuns yoo make are from RandalIs
speeches on the tariff. witch goes to prove that
the Dimocrisy are pledged to Perteckshun, solid
D Dn your time and energies solely to this
nounse the tariff on wool, claimin it enhances
the cost Nv clothin Nv the Workman, but in
sist that the tariff onto iron must and shell be
manetaned. Fid out how the people are pro-
hibishn, and act accordingly, When 700 fine
q Republican Prohibitionist urge him to re-
main true to his principles and vote for st
gohn by all means; but when 700 run agin
Demokratic Prohibtionist, show him the folly
Nv THROWN away his vote on man that can
be electid."
And took the synopsis the Pittsburg speech
From Pittsburgh 700 will perceed over into
OHIO. warn you that you must keep sober in
OHIO. and must yooSe discreshun and cawshun
In the iron deestriks the Pittsburgh speech will
do. But remember this: when VOC git into the
agricultural seckshuns you must study this
other speech HE handid me another manoo-
script In this one Dimocrisy is pledged tC
free trade, with few excepshuns. Thus, when
700 are In the grain counties in the interior
you must insist that the tariff onto wool shell be
maintained; and also when 700 are up in the
grape region insist that the tariff on wine shel
not be disturbed. When 700 cross the lines into
seckshuns where Their amt no manufactur1n
700 must argoo that free trade is the only safe
guard the people hev agin monopoly. And
Kin 700 tell me the counties wher must talk
tariff on wool and wine, and the counties where
mustn't? 1t wood be okkurd to git mixed on
these things"
Mr.. Barnum perdoosed a map with lines drawn
all over it.
Certainly. We hev maps prepared for the
yoose Nv all our speakers. These counties on
the line Nv the lake wich is colored purple are
wine counties, and wher ther is white lines
draWd thro there is wool ez well eZ wine. Whe1
there is black cross onto EN- Their is manufak-
tiers ez well ez wine and wool In SIGH counties
700 must urge pertectlve tariff onto every
thing. In the counties marked wine excloos-
lively the perteckshun must be confined to wine
alone, and likewise in the pure wool counties tC
wool alone
Sometimes theris wine in part Nv county
and sometimes wool only in a part Nv q county,
and in SIGH Gases"
Great Scott" exclaimed, "but 1 can't dc
this! L can't hev dozen speeches prepared
How am to perceed with SIGH a mixed up
mess?"
THE process is simple, though great care
not hp NhC On irwin ct Nir,%
ment VOC must take out the map and see wher
700 are Then on arrivin at yer hotel select
from PER valise-the committy will furnish 700
val1sb q w1ch to keep yer eileen shirts"
The c~smmitty will likewise hev to furnish
the eileen shirts, ther will be no yoose fur the
valise onless it is to keep the manooscrips, witch.
NV itself, with fekwire a very large one.
I'VE shell furnish the vaise and the eileen
shirts We hev to do this with all our speakers
ceptin SIGH ez Carl Shurts, witch we pay reglar
prices to per mite, fur speekin fur Cleveland and
Reform. By the time 700 hev filed these ap-
Pintments We will send 700 another route, and
20 on till November, when we hope victry will
hev crowned our efforts, and 700 shell retire
to yoor Postotfis at the Cross Roads the follerin
March"
Mr.. Barnum gave me money and transporta-
shen to Pittsburg, and departed happy. / felt
food wunst more to hev dollar in my pokkit,
end not to feer the approach Nv the condukter.
l hev bin droppt off The hind eend Nv francs
30 many times that it is monotonous. One kin
git thru the kentry by bein kicked off one
frame and Wa1t1n for the next to come only to
De kicked off that, but it is warm onto the sect
~ the trousis.
1t wuz unforchnit vencher. wuz onlucky
enuf to git into the city in the mornin and I re
ported to the Centred Committy. The yoosual
thing ensood, w9z invited to take suthin,
Dimocrisy Nv Pittsburgh is drouthy, and by the
time night he'd come and I he'd got onto the
platform wuz fuller than cote. | opened UP
ny vallse and commenced my speech. When
hev manooscript | kin speek, drunk or sober,
tnd did speek Did speek for any length of
time? Indeed 1 did not. Their cum up from
that awjence such storm NV imprecashuns
sich howl Nv derishun, SIGH a mingling NV
profanity eZ never wuZ herd sposed it WIZ
Their way Nv applaudin, and went on, smilin,
till passel Nv EN- rushed up on the platform
and histed me off, and hustled me out into the
street.
The next morning seed it ALL he'd, in nv
tntoxlcashen, taken my free-trade speech out
Nv the valiSe, and was firm that off at Pitts
purg awJence, every man Nv witch wuz a iron
hanoocfakter.
Like drunken ass, wuz demonstratin TO a
bwjence Nv workers IN iron that tariff on iron
kyuz wuss nor highway robbery, and dom it I'M
per the authority of the Dimokratic Nashnel
Pentrel Committy
1t WuZ a mercy that WuZn't killed on the
spot.
Mr. Barnum heerd Nv it, and to-wunst Of
Tered me to either take an oath never to fetch
llkker ag1n or perceed home. He writ thus:
In campane like ours, witch is mixed, abso-
loot sobrlety is essenshel to prevent mistakes.
man with hkker in him cannot be trusted to
carry about IL different speeches, adapted to
the wants of IL different sets Nv opinyuns. No
man can be Dimekratic carnpane speaker this
yeer witch cannot be trusted to take the right
speech out Nv his valise'
Wv course can't travel, or, fur that matter,
stay at home without my FegIer supplies, and
30 resined. Better occashnel drinks at Bas-
CONS than none at all on the road. Regler
eatin is suthin, but regler drinks is more nes-
Bary.
hope to get an appointment to speek in one
seckshun, wher one speech will answer, but
will take no more mixed chanceU
PETROLEUM " NASBY
Victim Nv Appetite).
TTGGTNG ETUED