Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1884-12-24

X
you all unanimOus?"
sAll except Tom, the boot-boy, who is I
teetotaler.' re piled the gardener.
'sThen bring out the glasses, footman,
commanded the butler, pompously, "ant
, set one to each of the gentry. I've got tht
wetting material under the table, ready ane
waiting"
s.Lor'r' exclaimed one OF the maids
cts wonder we didn't wet our shoes
Mr.. Richard"
ssIf you had," replied the butler smiling,
"you could not have wetted your tongues
or your throats, for, l dare not AFFORD
another bottle of that sherry. It's spec
ial. Lady Maud was accustomed to use ii
for health-drinking, and we are going to
appropriate it to the same purpose --name'
ly, to drink the health of our retiring ofh
Ger, Mrs. Lane. Ladies and gentleman,
are you all readyp-are your glasses charg-
ed up to the brim?"
ITO be sure," answered the page, sauci-
ly. 'Ain't you got no eyes, governor?'
"Eyes or no eyes. Master Smith" re-
piled the butler, haughtily, "that's no
business Of yours. Children should be
seen, and not heard"
Likely" answered the page, putting
his fingers to his nose.
ness.
"Ladies and gentlemen he repeated,
''are you ready? If you are, here to the
health of Mrs. Lane, and may she have a
long and happy life in the villa which has
been provided for her, and may all of US
have like villas when we've done the same
service and come to the same age: Hur
rah!''
"Hurrahr' echoed the august assembly,
slipping their wine.
"And now," said the butler, setting
down his glass empty, with motion to
have it refilled, ''the next business is, what
are we going to do with ourselves now our
governor blessed be her ladyship's memo
ry-has been unhappily removed from our
midst? We are going to have new ruler,
as you all know, and ruler as was unex-
pected. Are we to pay allegiance to her,
or are we not?" The ques ion is to be put
to all of US separate, and, as am in the
chair, l have no objection to breaking the
ice by answering it first myself. With all
due respect and Difference to Miss Janet
Mason, | amt a-going to be as her beck
and call.''
Cries of "Oh! ohp'
s:For wby?" c. ,ntinued the butler, thump-
ing the table with rather an excited action;
''for why?" Ladies and gentleman, be-
cause I've mind to be at the beck and call
of some one else. if that some one is agree
able, which am happy to say have se-
cret information as she is. Speak up, Ma
ry Palmer? Am telling the truth?''
''You always speak the truth, Mr. Rich
ard," replied pretty Mary, nodding and
blushipg
81 hope so?" said the butler, energetical-
ly. 81 hope you thought I spoke the
truth when 1 remarked in your private
hearing that you was the loveliest, incest
little creature of a girl l ever set eyes on,
and therefore 1 had much inclination to
make you my wife"
"Oh, DON'T" cried Mary, holding her
face in her pocket handkerchief.
s'And why don't, nv dear?" asked the
butler, waxing eloquent. 'Wi you say
'don't!' when we stand before the altar,
and endow you with my wealth, which
may here take caslon to say is not to be
despised, for in the ten years Pve stayed
with Lady Maud I've saved up nice little
lot, which h. + generous legacy has doubled;
and So Mary Palmer, you need have no
hesitation to marry me at once. Come, my
dearest love, I ask you before the distin-
guished company if you are inclined to
leave your comfortable situation, and cast
in your lot with miner"
"Yes," faltered Mary.
"Enougbp' exclaimed the butler. "Take
my hand, my beloved, and squeeze it WELL
for it is yours for ever and for ever, to
guide you through life. Here, take my
hand!'
Mary did 80, blushing violently, and LOOK
ing very confused.
! 7"And so, said the butler, retaining the
- L 1.ok, ,-,:n H.
stand, ladies and gentlemen. that we arc
going to retire, and the reason thereof.
What's the next question? l take it that
our next business is to inquire who's age
ing to stay and whose a-going to 60"
''Wouldn t it be BETTER" remarked the
cook" ''to put down all our names on
slip of paper, and let us write stay or sgo'
against them9 It's true can't write N.Y.
self. Ny fingers have got so stiff with mix
ing puddings and such like; but can make
my mark with the best of 'em"
GA good idea," said the chairman.
edo you adopt it, members of the meet
ing?"
The members of meeting nodded all
round, like China mandarins with movable
heads.
"CarriedT' cried the butler, rapping the
table with his knuckles, and finishing the
remain der of the wine. Carried by gen.
eral acclamationl Produce pen, ink, and
paper, clerk of the court, and let us to
work with the idea which our honorable
and egenious friend has tipped up"
"Doner' answ cred the footman, deposit
ing the requisite materials on the table;
and in few minutes the names of the SER
wants were placed in order upon half
a sheet of note paper by the best scribe.
i The butler then took the pen, which was
q very bad one, and handed it to one of the
maids, with request that she would kind
lv write ego" or ''stay" against her name
as quickly as possible.
''Stay" she wrote, splutteripg the ink in
every direction, as she slowly traced the
four letters of the word which announced
her intentions to the company.
s'Humphp' commented the butler.
"What do you know Of Janet Mason that
you are 20 attached to her2''
s'Nothing," answered the girl, hotly,
'fexcept that she's always been civil, which
I can't say of youv'
''Order!' exclaimed the gardner. "Res-
pect the chair, missn'
Stay" wrote a second, third and a
fourth.
"Oh,' remarked Richard, as he watched
the way the wind blew, '.You are cautious,
matesl YOn are afraid of leaping out Of
the frying-pan into the fire. Quite right
quite right You are young, and probably
haven't got savings to begin housekeeping
with, even if you're suited with sweet
hearts. 1t is very wise of you to stay
very wise indeed. 1 hope you'll like the
new government, and prosper under it, My
place will be empty. Aspire to it, my
friendsl It's a very good place and so is
Mary's. Amt it. Mary9 Amt both our
places good ones?"
"Yes." giggled Mary; 'I've found
husband in mine; and you We found wife
in yours, if there's no slip 'twixt the cup
and the lip, and we've had no worry or
hard work to spoil our good looks"
"Just so," replied the butler, gravely.
t'Let's trust our successors will have the
same luck. F"
Then it was Johns turn to sign his
name.
But instead of taking up the bad pen,
and doing his best to make it express his
intentions, the footman pushedRit to one
side, and rose to speak, with his eight fin-
gers and two thumbs gracefully spread out
upon the table.
T. "Ladies and gentlemen - said he. with a