The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-04-03
The .sImportant Year, Man.

I
| cept what we call ''the most important
year. fiend. We refer to that misguided
| fellow creature who, not satisfied with
having compiled the most important
events Of the past year, actually causes
patience to quit being virtue, by en-
deavoring to worry the editor into pub
fishing his statistical rubbish. He is
usually an old man and has been en-
gagged in his nefarious business from
his youth up. This retrospective genius
turns up with tally sheet early in
January of each and every year, which
is his only redeeming trait. He only
! blooms once year, and then he fades
| away for twelve calendar months. He
is not liable to happen in every day as
is the exchange fiend, or the man who
wants to give you the points of funny
| story that he wants you TO publish.
| While we propose to be q little severe
with the most-important-year man, at
the same time we will be just.
Like most bores he selects the pre-
else moment when the editor could dis
pense with his presence. He prefers
the occasion when the editor is writing
an article on the tariff question, and
there is a pressure of one thousand
/ pounds to the square inch on his brain;
| or when he is absorbed in disp0sing of
an eleven o'clock lunch, or an irates
subscriber who had not received his
copy of the paper last week. just at
this crisis the door opens and the inn
portant-year man enters with a bundle
of manuscript and sigh, the former
being under his arm.
He takes a. seat and spreading cut his
tally-sheet, begins to manipulate his
augur about as follows:
II would like, sir, to call your atten.
tion to the Importance of the year
through which we have just passed.
1T NAV not have occurred to you, sir,
but this last year was most important
year. The year that has just rolled
away into eternity was one of the most
disastrous, one of the most peculiar in
its freaks of heat and cold, that the
the retreat of Napoleon from Moscow,
was such q winter experienced.
What kind of coal do you use?n
asks the editor, yawning, as he resumes
his literary labors on the ham sandwich.
'.It's not only the cold that was Pc
euliar,n resumes the bore, "but, sir,
note the death of prominent. people,
elopements of well known and highly
respectable parties. murders, floods,
fires. backward spring. =
The editor wishes his visitor would
take a backward spring out through
the door, but represses the inclina-
ton to say so, while the depraved
old scoundrel continues, pointing to his
tally-sheet.i
Here we have the fruit crop de.
stroyed. We also had the hottest sum
mer that had been known for years.
And here, you see, is a Withering
drouth, chilly winds, damp, unpleas-
yes" mighty unpleasant inter-
! rupts the editor; :.it's mighty unpleas-
ant to tell you so, my dear sir, but I'm
very busy just now,'' and he begins to
disembowel the exchanges with a large
pair of scissors.
ssYes, know, but IL not detain you
aminute, and here we have snow and
the death of that great man, General
Goodlegrub. =
That's fact. His death supplies
along felt want. By the way, who the
mischief was Goodlegruba'
''Why, you surprise me. / car
vouch for the correctness of my com
0 pilation. General Goodlegrub is actu,
ally dead. Last year was a most I'M
t portant year.
d ''Did Goodlegrub owe you any money
0 when he died?n
Sarcasm fails on its mission, for tht
: important-year man feels it about as
e much as a COW suffers when you pinch
n I,a,s b,1r1, uo Ina,,e ,,trht Nv. vnfo,.Y,irn n
t to his tabular statement.
$ ''And here we have coal mine dis
aster"
e Il tell you that IT,
]. ssAnd-n
'sNow, my friend, " replies the editor
j, rising on his seat;sI don't want to heal
+ any more of that stuff, =
IS The eyes of the visitor protrude.
II ssW-h-a-t! Don't you want to publisl
these valuable statistics?n
d "No I don't. And now let me tel
Il you something else. You said las
e year was the most important year OF
d record. Let me predict that it will b
e regarded as year of plenty, compared
la with this year, as far as YOU are con
y cerned, for il you don't indulge in tha
Ut backward spring out of that door, I'll
N retire you from circulation altogether
You will not be here next january t
record the events of the past. =
''Then I'm to understand that yo
are not DESTROYS of securing this inval
IL liable compilation?n
.'Do you want me to tell you 5
il againpn
% He looked at the editor as if the a.
sertion was beyond all human belle
d then he quietly folds up his statistic
d and replaces them, with sigh, nnde
his arm. There is no longerany wonde
lie in his mind why so many newspapei
q collapse. He has had many q rehu
but this one is the most stunning.
leaves, not precisely heart broken. bl
r very much aggrieved. Finally th
editor of some monthly paper publish,
the stuff. and after this he subsidies /.
a season, devoting himself once more
compiling fresh facts for another mos
n important year. He is not as much
a. q bore as thepoet, or the village hume
~ ist, but so far as the public is concerne