Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-11-20
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HUMOROUS.

Yale College students smoke be
tween 1000 and 5000 cigarettes a day
Tell you it pays the business men o.
this country TO suppOrt our education
al institutions.
"1he first umbrella appeared in En-
gland in the year 1777" 1t is not
stated when the first umbrella disapr
peared ia England, but il is safe to
wager that It was also in I'M.
As soon as this election business is
over dozen newspapers Will bob up
and excitedly demand the facts in that
North Pole cannibalism matter. 1t
viii be a subject to last all winter
The Vicer0y of India has salary
of 1926, 600 per year, and is ON a strike
10 have il doubled. When it takes
$3.50, 600 to run an alderman, we don't
see how a Viceroy can splurge around
much.
Have you seen the latest thing
out2' eagerly cried Mrs. Flapover,
rushing into Mrs. Fitzgoober's sitting
room, with bundle in her arms.
Yes" sadly answered Mrs. Fitz-
goober, II saw il last night What
is itl'' asked the visitor, in surprise.
"My husband he didn't get in till
nearly daylight"
Heine tells in his correspondence of
a resident of Frankfort who used to
interlard his conversation with FIRE
quent EXPLANATIONS of, Tin a Jew,
and I'm proud OF it, why are you
proud of it2' finally asked some one.
Because if | wasn't proud of it l
should be a Jew all the same; conse-
quently it is to my advantage to be
proud of it
Patti has arrived at New York,
where she will begin another season of
warbing at preposterous prices. She
proclaims that she has come to Ameri
ca ''for the last time. America could
stand it if this announcement were
true, but 1t is in all probability pure
ly business remark And no artist
possessing PATHS popularity would
think of retiring with less than twenty
farewell tours"
a schoolmaster in Iowa called his
prettiest pupil TO his desk and asked
her if she would marry him. She re-
piled promptly that she would not.
IF you we're the last man on earth,
and / was 40 instead Of 16, y she add
ed, II wouldn't take you" Resuming
his character of pedagogue, he decided
that her language was disrespectful,
and feruled the hand which he could
not get matrimonially. The girl now
sues him for damages.
Smith, called Brown everything
| could think of yesterday, but /
couldn't get HIM to fight" Jones
"Why didn't you shake your fist under
his noseN Smith-"Do you take me
for foel2 Why, Brown is demo
Graf" Jones' Suppose he is demo
crat; what has that got TO do with
shaking your fist under his noseg
Smith -"Do you think haven't any
more sense than to burn my fist by
shaking it under his big red nose2'
AT Portland, Ore, recently, Ding
! Wing, a Chinese merchant. entertain
ed number of his brother merchants
at a costly and elaborate banquet
The occasion was the shaving
of the head Of the infant son
of Ding Wing, who was month old
the day before. When Chinese boy
is one month old his head is shaved
and a bladder drawn over it, and as
his head grows the bladder
bursts and the cue sprouts
forth. The first shave is made
the occasion of a banquet ard the
guests are expected to make the host
handsome present in coin for the
newly shaved boy, with which bank
account is started TO his credit. This
is the most pleasant feature of the
affair for the baby, as the razor always
pulls and he can not take part in the
feast.