The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-05-31
PENETRATING STUDY or
 FRENCH.
rDrake,s Travellers Magazine. I

TDrake's Travellers Magazine My dear. said Mrs Spoossnaxke, looking earnestly at her Inssoand aDd biting the side of her fofehnger, Mn dear, do you know we oS gh, ,o ssudy' What for P asked Mr, Topographic. laying down his papeE and leaning back with an air of patience so obviously arti- fcial that it looked like print. Found the English language too short for your profundIsy of ideas Got an idea that you would appear better in low-necked and short-sleeved French than you do n your native yard and half of tongue?7 ." It wasn't that.n replied Mrs. Spoop- endy ke, examining her finger "l thought, perhaps, we might go to Europe some tune, and then we could enjoy it better if we could talk like the rest
 "l don't know said Mir. Spoopendyke, severely. :" IL strikes me that when get where you and the rest talk alike sha nit have much of time. How're you go- ing to fix it ?"
 Il was thinking we might get one Of the French systems and study it nights explained Mrs. Spoopendyke. In fact,n she continued hysterically, I've bought ii already, and can talk little now."
 Let's hear" grunted Mir. Spoopen- dyke, startled by the fact that his wife had run little ahead of him.
 All right giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke- Now, you listen. Carson, donny moy lee-lee-Oh, yes .-lee-lee dejunner a Ia forshet. I'll bet cookey you can't guess what that meansy7
 Have you vivisected any genuine Frenchman with that particular effort yet!" demanded Mr. Spoopendyke ]" ,rnered a tramp and tried it on him to see how 1t works -
 knew you wouldn't guess ii v erowed Mrs. Spoopendyke, olapping her hands. And that is an easy one. too. What do you do first thing, m the morn ing v
 "I generally watch a female lunatic taking the hardware out of her crimps, v suggested Mir. Spoopendyke, soiemniy Is that the French for knock-kneed hair-pins, with the knickerbockers on 'em ?s
 Mo-" replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, shaking her head emphatically. That isn't it. The frs, thing you say in France IS. Carson, porter moy mon cafe au lay. and he brings it."
 He must De loaded in both barrels with an accommodating spirit" growled Mir. Spoopendyke, If he orings anything on that stutter. What does he do with the other thing you called for? Leaves l, tied up in the yard, maybe. Or per- haps he discovers that the dejunner has gone out with the key to the iorshet and won't be back till dark. Who's be- anyhowY
 ~'He is the garson," expounded Mrs Spoopendyke. He-r
 didn't know but what it was old IT an Gar himself by the way you ordered him around,r snorted Mir Spoopendyke. :. Has he' got sister to take my or ders?'
 Carson, means waiter, dear," con- 'inued Mrs. Spoopendike, placidly. Now, you know what cate IS. don't you: What do you generally drink at breakfas,?'
 generally drink in a heap of dod- ga;ted nonsense proclaimed Mir. Spoop- endyke. When the family is in good working order and the gearing we'll oiled l eontrive to siake my thirst On liquid idiocy."
 .Thats wrong,- smiled Mrs. Spoop- endyke.
 know it is,r retorted Mir. Spoopen- dyke, grimly, but it is the best l can get, and can't help it. Go ahead with your drum corps, now. When he brings up the distempered mind, what do you say ,hen?,
 Cafe is cofFee.- said Mrs. Spoopen- dyke, with a toss of her head. And when say porter moy le cafe, mean"
 That's queer mixture,' unused Mir. Spoopendyke- You can have yours that way, if you prefer it, but III para lyze him with porter garson me le cafe. think I'd rather have the porter mix the waiter in mine, than take it the other way"
 .Idont know, murmured Mrs. Spoop- endyke. Fl don't think the system says anything about that. It only speaks of the garson portering the coffee, and I'm not sure that the porter would come up ai all Now, dear, do you know what the first expression used means
 Do you mean that knockout be- tween the dejunner and the forshet? I suppose it has something to do with the police. hasn't it. When the porter and she garson begin to stir each other into the coffee, the authorities come in and we have the inquest for breakfast"
 "I didn't think you would guess the brezkfAst - exclaimed Mrs. Spoopen- dyke, clapping her hands. @You came very near 1t. It means breakfast with a fork!"
 It does, does it P roared Mir. Spocp- erdyke, not exacfiy elzted with the facfl- fly wsth which he had mastered the CO., nrndFum sYou have progressed to a point when you know enough not to eat your grub vIth your fingers. Nov, per h.ps, yos vii tsss sssd ss sszs.s ossss izngusee and rope in . mife! S'pose I'm gong b a dodgassed county where the man doot know eneueh to hsing in tAe chop sirks with the viands? Thnk Tn guang to spin my teeth howlmg around for the things that come ready