Delaware gazette and state journal., 1884-05-08

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successfully with divorce lawyers.
Bee. II all the manageable young msn,
the necessity OF circular saw in the
dim vista Of the future, especially fur
lined one there would be no need OF
divorce lawyers or competition.
RETRIBuTIoN.
A tender little pink.hued note
The messenger had brought,
Her little hand this missive wrote"
The smitten lover thought.
He opened it with greatest care,
All, how his heart did thrill,
Then dropped it with ghastly stare
1t was his washing bill
boston Post
A man needs to be careful about accept
ing an invitation to a wedding in JAnss-
vile, Wis. At a wedding there recently
all the Is guests were searched for $50 in
gold, one OF the presents to the bride,
which disappeared from her dresser. The
money was not recovered, aud there was
suspicion thst " was q gift tor effect
and not intended to be permanent
Detroit Free Press.
Oh, how would crazy quilt do,
To give to bachelor bold
To spread on the bed just over his feet
And keep out the terrible cold
And when he fell iltoo i'll to go out,
On his comfortable bed he could lie.
And look at the quilt and pick out the piece
That he wore long ago as II tie.
-Neto York journal.
AT last Sunday afternoons meeting of
the Manhattan temperance association,
New York, a young lady relieved the
nonotony Of speech making by singing
Coming Thro' the Rye" When Chair
man Gibbs rose to introduce the next
speaker he took occasion to get in Que of
his witticisms by remarking that "there
is one kind of rye man should never
come through-thst's old rye" He
paused for an expression of appreciation
from the audience, but the reporter says
they did not ses the point, When a mau
is struggling to reform debssed appetite
for drink il must necessarily be q very
dry joke before he can See the point
Detroit Free RrsSi.
There is hardly anybody so ignorsn,
that he does not appreciate the danger Of
tooling with an unloaded pistol. Loaded
pistols miss fire, or If they 60 off are apt
TO miss the person aimed at, but the un
loaded pistol, never. Not long since, al
Austin gentleman was awakened by
somebody monkeyiug at the shutter. Il,
knew at once that he was burglar. Il,
= did not relish the idea OF having deat
; burglar on his conscience besides, beini
, a poor shot, he was afraid the burgla
i might fire back. Ont OF consideration 70
i the burglar he said in loud voice I"
= believe this pistol is net loaded" Mex
morning the tracks in the garden reveale,
;. the fact that the burglar had averaged
! ! feet in his Jumps, and had cleared
q 7-feet fence. 1t was good joke on tn
burglar, as the pistol contained seveI
ball artridges.-Tsras Sutings.
In the spring fuller crimson comes upo
4, the toper's nose
10 In the spring the shabby lawyer wins himsel
Q suit of clothes
In the spring house cleaning causes Benedict
- to seek "bust y
In the spring the young mans fancy light
" turns to thoughts OF trust.
~ ~ y. Journal
In In the spring the crafty tailor fixes up hi
in last years stock
to In the spring the joyous Teuton struggle
M bravely with the "bock q
In the spring the blushing maiden thinks {
dresses, hats and love;
~ ~ In the spring the dude determines that b
~ winter coat he'll shove.
y --BoSton Post.
In the spring dear Willie plucks the lit
h. green fruit from the trees
ne In the spring the small boy hampers with Il
ne "bi2ness' end Of bees.
m In the spring the circus comes with gsut
show of flaming bills,
In the spring the bilious grumbler takes /
III dose Of quinine pills.
se "What are you hanging around heI
be for 7" asked a policeman OF suspicior
" 8n1 nh antn tuh Ia,,
about the csrBhed. sob, I'm ju
be waiting" meekly replied the man, TT
Ok officer movsd or, but kept close watch @
Il, his fingers coming into too clo
as proximity with a gentleman's watC
chain. INSTANTLY the arm of Law Was ls
on heavily Oh the would. be thief's shoulde
wv aud the policeman asked "What hx,
ng you been waiting for :" Seeing that |
ily was caught the stranger replied: az,
e. been waiting for an opportunity" +,
Il been waiting, to-" again spoke the fl 20
"What tor 2" "To see that you G
M nothing bu, the opportunity; we ha'
a. both been satisfied, so come along al
9st wait till the court meets to morrow
m and as the key turned on him Il
be prisoner began whistling, "Wait TIL u
ry Clouds Roll By."-Ah1ntd Constttution
in IN II we could only learn that there a
but "a hours In day. Bnt 1t Ia q N
,v tioDsl fault with us to try to crowd sbo
lbv 36 hours into every day. We want
lii. make up 10 columns Of matter in a min
les column paper. When hen refuses
nd set before she is ready, thus tesohiI
d; humanity lesson Of patience and Il
- ~ eternal fitness OF things, we do not vie
mi to the hen We construct srtihci
nj, hatchers and hatch out IL dozen chicl
ID in As hours. II plants and vegetabl,
un refuse to gsow for us as rapidly as '
mt think they should, We force them In
Z, ed hot beds and make them keep step wi
ynd the times. We fly past the win
lty and outstrip the birds wi
he our railway trsins we make wat
in run up hill, we light our streets witho
lly oil, gas or candle wo take the sting o
IA, OF lightning with platinum tips VIII,
al we can't fly we run, and II we have
walk we don't we simply sit still 81
telephone. We go up stairs In an el
Tor vator, and we call a messenger boy
Of policeman or hack with an electric be
II We won't even make the physical exc
RS tion to shout "fre," we press button
pull down 3 hook, and machine Civ
the alarm for us. We are going to
he physically lazy. II 1t be true, as Il
,aS scientists say, that unused members al
for organs disappear, In 30 many gene
an stions the American people will be . "a
Of men without legs.-RaVteye.