Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-06-06
OR KALEIDOSCOPE.

on Tor the summcr-nAnncs'
John c. Emo is a graduate of Yale. How |
college habits do cling to man.
Professor Swing says that every person is
a luuatc once in a while. Self-inspection |
always reveals some startling facts TO man,
An American publisher is reported to have
offered Lord Tennyson 100000 for his
hand-shakcs for six months. That's it; get
the old man over here and let's have some
fun with him.
GLOW can l keep from feeling sleepy in
church ~ asks a correspondent DID you
ever try going to Sleep
How do you like it p asked a yachts
man Of a young lady, as the boat went up
and down in the trough of the waves. ooh,
Lifts too aEiully swell!' was the dis
tressed reply.
A gentleman who read the report of
recent lecture by Joseph Cook says that he
found in it ten words that are not given in
any dictionary of modern times. If he
found ten words that are given in modern
dictionary, he ought TO feel thankful
An Ohio girl jumped the rope 256 times
aud died. There is a man in Massachusetts,,
named Butler, who has jumped the fence
%, 465 times, and lives.
An enterprsing New Yorker has invented
a substitute for ice cream. 1t is made OF
| real cream, and no girl with an ordinary
digestive capacity can cat more than one
| DISH of it at a time.
| A young lady in Georgia, who has been
giving seanccs can move the heaviest artl-
cles of furniture without touching them. If
all spiritualiss could do this, especially dur.
ing house cleaning time, we would waive our
objections to the theory.
| "What is liberal education ?" asks Presi-
dent Eliot, of Harvard in the June Century.
| The average student seems to think that it
consists entirely in having a liberal father
and living next door to boat house
It is said that people in this country con-
sumo patent medicine to the amount OF
5000, 600, 900 every year Temperance asl-
tation is great boom for the patent medicine
|
men.
In one of the Philippine Islands 1t is GUS
ltomary when young fellow asks the ola
folks for their daughter to send her INTO INC
woods f, uerisc. and if the lover finds bel
before sunset she is big, The pest way 'o
catch her is 10 hang Il new bonnet IN some
little clearing, and lie in wait.
"Why is Mr. Popinjay 50 popular with
the ladies' at little evening gatherings ? ask
Dunpsey. 81 suppose" replied Blobson
"thst it is because everything he wears fits &c
. tea"
/ An exchange says that there is woman
in New Hampshire who chops wood regular
: " with her husband. The usual way is tc
3 use the wood to chop the husband with
An iceberg nine miles long has been seen
. OF the coast of Newt midland. 1t will be
along just about in time to cool the atmoS'
phero for certain gentlemen who are having
hot time in Chicago to-day.
In the spider family the female is usually
several times larger than the male. Undoubt-
edly the male spider never comes into the
house at al without taking his boots Off.
A Baltimore judge declares that tailor
must make coat fl before he can recover
pay for it. Too bal that legl, decisions do
not apply ex rost lGcto.
'Ny Boy, Where is Your Father To
night p is the title of the last song. As
the American 10y didn't have trouble enougl
making an excuse for himself.
4 Massachusetts, man says that be has re
Gently drawn up cishty-uine snakes iron
his well. He probably uses it as cooler
The Boston Gbbsis publishing socli
story entitled "The Woman of Wax II
deals with domestic topics, we would sus
gcst that it should be entitled, The Woma
of Whacks.'
REVISED EDITION OF SLANG
Old; 81 should smile" New | shou
relax the facial muscles.
Old; "Pull down your vest aud wipe c
your chin" New; Lengthen the wai'
coat and dexterousY proceed TO remove Il
saliva from the inferior maSillary.
Old "Out Of the trying pan into 1
fire." New Emergiug from the cul"a
utensil to the devouripg element,
Old; HE took the cake" New