davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-02-15
WIT AND wISDOM.

After all. the mighty forces which
move humanity are the forces which
come from the affections rather than
from the cool ntellect.-Harper' Week
ly.
Says an experienced bachelor: 'The
best thing to take when you go to kiss
pretty giri-take time. The more you
take the better she likes it."-N. J..
Mail.
An Indiana Jail bird recently
scraped off the back OF mirror and
swallowed it. 1t was n very cold day
for him when the mercury went down
Huntington Free Press.
Heard on the lake: ''Can that girl
skate?" Il think not" sThen you'd
better escort somebody else" but
what shall I do with her?'' "Oh, Just
let her slide - Chicago Tribune.
NO." said Fogg. in reply to tine
person on the doorstep, 1.-THE lady Of
the house is not in. 1t is her evening
out. But my wife is in; perhaps she
might do IS well. "-BostoD Transcript.
40, Professor" exclaimed senti-
mental old Mrs. Fishwhacker. during 3
private organ recital in her new music
room. lido pull out that sweet nux
vomica stop once more"'-N Y. hide
pendent.
But You know. pa" said the
farmers daughter. when he spoke to
her about the addresses of neighbor's
son, '.you know, pa that ma wants me
TO marry man of culture" so do
I. my dear. so do L; and there is no
better culture than agriculture. "-RuraI
SsU Yorker.
Charles" said Mr.. Smith. lyon
shouldn't stay so late at the Conways-"
=. But you must remember, father, that
there are two young ladies who have
Just made their appearance there"
..Oh, well. that alters the ea-e; of
course you do right to keep up appear
ances. "-7roy Times.
AT recent party: Anxious Young
Man" Miss B.. may L have the sixth
dance with you2' Miss B.-"As we
have no pencil can not mark it." A.
Y. NJ" OH well. leave space there,
and you'll understand" Miss B.
VERY well. then; when see vacant
spot I shall know it Is you" Exit
anxious young man--DetroH Post.
A Tribune attache Yesterday heard
skilled vocalist sing "Wait till the
clouds roll by" She rendered it:
"wah tab the claw raw 5aw. Jawy;
Wah. tab the claw raw baw;
Jawy, ma aw traw law vah
Wah taw the claw raw baw.
And then she smiled SD sweetly and
broadly over the well-merited applause
that the corners of her mouth held q
sociable on the back of her neck.-Bis-
nadrcE Tribune.
Whats become of Pettyfog that
lister live heres" asked a visitor of
Gilpin at the store Saturday night
20, he's located in Western town,
practicing law
..Esw does he get along? Is he sue
cessfula..'
mot very. He has never won . suit
yet"
What, Not suit
"No. That is. not a whole one. He
won a hat on OHIO last fall and pair
D. boots on New York But taat's as
near suit IS ne ever got "-Hlrathon
yDdepeuESnf
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-02-15
RELIGIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL.

The next Worlds Conference Of
the Evangelical Alliance will be held in
August at Stockholm, Sweden.
1t is noted as an interesting fact
that Voltaire's house is now used BY
the Geneva Bible Society as repository
for Bibles.
MIR. Talmage baptized several per.
sons last Sunday, and received about
fifty into the Brooklyn Tabernacle on
profession. The membership now num-
bers 3.045. the largest church on Ills
continent.-M Y. E'Idminer.
A female boarding-sc in the
East is conducted on the principle tina.
lat interferes with mental development:
90 the Young ladies get for breakfast
potatoes, pickles, bread. butter and cof-
fee, with the other meals in harmony.
Chicago Tribune.
stephen A. Walker, President of
the New York Board of Education, ar
CUES that > college education is the
best known preventive of crime and
poverty, and cites As proof that there is
not q college graduate in Sing Sing to-
day.-M T. TiRsss.
A fund of 800, 600 has been sub
scribed, and Messrs. James and Pres
colt Lawrence, of Boston, have given a
valuable estate in Groton. Mass, for
the establishment and endowment of
an Episcopal school for boys, modelled
after st Paul's School in Concord, n.
H.-Boston Post.
AT the monthly meeting of the New
York Presbytery. Rev. DIR. Ellinwood,
Secretary of the Foreign Mission Roard.
said that the receipts of the Board from
legacies the past year were $4,000 less
than during the year previous. The
outlook was dismal one. The Board
began the year 1888 with deficit OF
s44 900; it enters upon the present year
with that load increased to S127, 0OO.-
~ \. Examiner.
The death is announced, under
painful circumstances, of John Peter
Lange, the widelv-known German the
ologian and commentator. He was born
in 1902. was educated at the University
of Bonn, and has been Professor of The
ology in that institution since 1858. He
was a man of wide learning, an indefat-
igable student and q volumuious writer.
His commentary on the Bible, in which
he had the aid of large number OF
German scholars, is the work by which
he is best known to Americans.-M y.
Obserrer.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-02-15
WHY the Crook Smiled.

Seated at table near the window of
Blocker street restaurant not far
from Mulberry street, dantily-dressed
crook was slipping cup of coffee yes
terday morning. On the opposite side
of the street vas young man with a
heavy trunk. The young man alter
nateIy rolled and dragged the trunk
laboriously along toward the Bowery.
AS the crook watched the young man
the ends of his dropping mustache rose
till his teeth showed in pleased smile.
makes hard work of it, said an
acquaintance near by, who was also
watching the young man and the trunk.
The crooks face grew grave at once.
Yes" he said. ..but l wouldn'.
laugh at his misfortunes. The trunk
made me think of a game we often
work with cheering success. My father
always taught me to cultivate 4 cheer
full disposition. He probably would
not have advised me to take my present
profession as means to that end, but
there is nothing like it for real pleasant
"reminiscences. 1t has been many years
since the trunk game was imported
from Paris. To work it some money is
needed for postage, some printed letter
paper and envelopes. and 3 list of rural
addresses. The letter paper should
have the cut OF q large hotel, and a
neat heading printed on it. Enyel-
opes should be milarly printed. Then
to each address letter is written like
this:
OFFICE OF TIE COMMERCIAL REsOaT,
NEW YORK, SR. 4
Mr.. John Smith. smithvile:
DstR SIR: Your brother Henry. who has
been stopping with for a few days. d.ed
suddenly In his room last night The hous
surgeon says he died of heart-disease. He
wis writing you letter at the time, the writ
ten portion of which We inciose. His body is
now with HopknSon Hopkinson, undertak
ers. l., ls1. Seventh avenue, awaiting your or
ders- HIS ELECTS, consisting OF a large trunk
full of wearing apparel, a heavy repeating
gold watch with gold neck chain. diamond
pin aud q new revolver. will be forwarded TO
you by express on receipt of SO, the amount
of his board bill due U.S.
Permit US To express our regrets that you
should suffer this loss Respectfully yours
j. PLASrAGASir BRowN. Prop
NB.-You can send q 50 bill loose IN
well-sealed envelope
1.-The unfinished letter reads thus:
NEW YoRK,-,-,1 1884.
Henry Smith. Esq. Smithville:
DEAR Bro: Although not f
ILLS Is NElkicu III . uiuClCut
entirely. and the last two words are
jumbled up"
"Yes. but any one who got that let
ter would know that he had no brother
Henry in New York." said the crooks
acquaintance
Certainly he would. That makes
me laugh. He thinks he will get a
gold repeater and diamond pin and
4 gold neck chain and new revolver
for twenty dollars He NAV wonder
how it happened that the deceased was
writing to him. but in his desire to get
portable property he does not reason
much Why, we've even had them
come on to see US; we've coralled
them in one or two hotels where friends
live. and we've taken in the sequins
every time. The last time l worked
that racket got in nearly seven hun
dred dollars in three weeks Y.
Sun.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-02-15
PaCrs AND FIGURES.

-.
'Onio mas oo,UVo business n me men WIN
aggregate caPitai OF soSo,uOV'VoV' an av-
erage OF slo,oOo eacn--Cteceidnd Leadt
er.
There were but three deaths IN tn
town of Newcastle, n. H., in 1888
The population OF the town Is s3O.-Bos-
10" journal
The census OF 1880 showed thas
there were 6,652. 549 colored persons In
this country. and 6,619, 943 persons Of
foreign birth--Chcdgo Journal
In 1888 the Connecticut River gave
IN III. 3O8 shad against 351. 67S IN 1881.
The criminal destruction OF the young
fish is the cause of the decline.-Rdrt-
ford Post
-Cbibuahus alone last wear Welded
nearly $yO. OOO. 900 in bulliOn-more by
g., COO, 600 than the whole Mexican Re-
public has averaged during the last six
fy wears. The weld for Mexico for the
year approximate $50, 0OO, OO0Ithe re-
suit of American enterprise.-Arizcna
Journal.
of the sir Iaryest suoar.producino
countries of Eurone Germany this wear
carrie, off the naim' with 500 COO tons
or 30 per cent of the whole. NEXT
come Austria with $4,000 tons. France
with 425. GOO. Russia with 25O. COO. Bel
GUM with 1900 and Holland with a.
900. Germany has not only the great
est number of refineries, 357 out of L.
204, but the largest also.
The growth of the Western Uuior
Teleprapb Company ia enormous anc
steady. In 1874 IL owned n SIS miles
of wires. transmitted .16. 329. 256 mes
sages. and its receipts were so 262.-
253. In 1879 these figures increased 10
SO. 937 mile. of wire. 5000. IO6 mes
sapes. and $40. e6n. $40 receipts: while
in 1888 they were las. ASP miles. 40. $751;
g77 messages. and receip,s SI9. asa. 9O2.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-02-15
Prussian Soldiers in France.

In the very dining-room where W.
take our meals the Prussians a few
years ago stabbed their horses, and
wrenched the doors off their hinges to
burn as frewood. Ailus:ons to such
"reminiscences often occur. One elder
" lady, fatigued now with 3 walk of 9
couple of miles. remarks: "iet l had
to trudge on foot all the twenty-seyen
miles between this place and Paris. and
with the snow on the ground, too, when
| slipped through the German lines tc
rejoin my husband here, for it was the
only way in which the journey could
be ACCOMPLISHED. 1t was long before j
recovered from its effects" Yet justice
i rendered even To the inaictors of sc
many hardships. Il went at first &c
trends the South, said another
lady, thinking the siege would only
last a few weeks. After waiting six
% nths / had to return. and found nv
house occupied by Prussian soldiers
and completely d;lapidateG- When
ever they came to houses which had
been abandoned they felt irritatei and
damaged them reekiessly; but 1 can
not deny that when / returned and too
up nav abode with them. they did no.
behave badly. And, ErenchwoEnaa az
| am to the core. / must own that our
enerhies ha,l one good quality-they
were wonderfully kind to children
The great stalwart fellows were often
seen trotting out our little boys anc
girls for walk, or even hushing GU
babies OF to sleep in their arms. Very
likely they were themselves fathers III
families, and would far rather hav,
been peaceably at home with them than
here ght ng with U.s. Heaven send
that we may never again 60 20 war.-
dY The Year Round
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-02-15

Twelve million clocks were manx
featured last year.-M j. Herald.
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-04-17
Odd Beliefs.

The commencement of any business
journey upon Friday is considered ex
tremely hazardous. The skin of a black
cat, whose somber surface was never
inSulted by any hair of lighter csarae
ter, is remedy of sovereign virtue for
sore throat, Group, etc.; while the
blood of black hen whose veritable
history would declare her from the egg,
of any other colOred feather. will cure
the shingles, rheumatism or anything
else.
The bowling of a dog before the door
OF window of sick person is a sure
'forsrunner" of dissolution; and a ring
ing sound in the head is always death
bell for somebody" If thirteen persons
sit down to dinner one of them will die
before the close of the year. Destroying
a snake is as lucky to landsmen as the
killing of Mother Cary's chickens is un-
lucky to sailors. A p,rticular joint OF a
calf is lucky bone," as efcctual Row
to bring money as was d weasel skin
purse in days of yore.
Swine aud cattle must be slaughtered
in the increase of the moon, or the
meat will shrink in the pot" The seed
of potatoes, turnips, onions. etc. must
be sown or planted in the decrease Of
the mOOn," or they will all grow to tops"
Eggs will prove addle unless the head
of the setting hen is turned to the east;
and butter when melting will turn to
oil if it is not stirred again<t the sun.
See the moon straight in front of you.or
to the right, it is good luck, but is quite
the opposite if seen through tree, or
other obstruction. Money in your pock-
ct ut new moon means money all the
month
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-04-17
Sticking to the Black Laws.

The sincerity of the Ohio Democratic
love for the cOlored man-when the
colOred man is not at the polls voting
Democratic ticket placed in his hand for
that purpose-Has tested yesterday in
the House. One of the school laws of
the State, section 4O0S of the Revised
Code, provides that "wben in the judg-
nent of the board, it will be fer the ad-
vantage of the district to do 30, it may
organize separate schools for colOred
children; and boards of two or more
adjoining districts may unite in sepa-
rate school for colored children" Such
schools have been established in this
State and are now in operation. and the
Supreme Court, in the case of the State
VS.. McCann, held that "colored children
residing in either of the districts for
white children which have united in
constructing joint district for the edu-
cation of colored children, are not, as of
right, entitled to admission into the
schools for white children"
The hardships which may result from
the enforcement CT the law, and which
have resulted ia some cases that have
been reported, can readily be imagined.
The present Democratic Legislature,
which passed with a great flourish of
trumpets bill establishing the "civil
rights" Of colored people in Ohio, conve-
niently forgot the existence of this law.
which is very far from being dead On
the statute book. Mr.. Littler, Republi-
can member from Clarke county endeav-
ored Yesterday TO correct the omission,
by offering bill to repeal the colOred
school section. but failed. The vote
stood so to 32-not enough to carry.
Every Republican voted for striking out
The iDvidions and oppressive distinction
in the school law, and every vote for
retaining this lelic of the "0hio black
laws" was cast by Democrat. This is
for the cOlOred people to think
Dver.-Cleveland Harald, April IL.
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-04-17
Not EXacting.

'One word she said, before we part,
and her bright eyes glowed in the mellow
light of the turned down lamp. Are you
siucereY
L am sincere he replied, in low tones
whose truthfulness could not be doubted
by any person save the most confirmed
pessimist.
Then you cannot give me a palace by
Lake Como?' and she looked into his
eyes as if she would read his inmost
soul.
Il cannot he answered.
Not even brown stone frontp
No
There was "a wonderful hrmuess, a
don't you forget it-ness in the tone in
which this momentOus monosylable was
spoken.
Not even cottage in the suburbs?'
Not even that. darling.
There was an anguish in his accents
that indicated mind wholly given up
to the gnawing inroads of sharp toothed
despair.
What can You offer me. then?' she
asked; "what can you offer me as an in
centive to induce me to become your
bride?
a share In 81 u week. with prospect
of a rise next spring. He said this with
all the deep conviction of a man who
knows just how he stands.
1t is sufficient she said, with radl-
ant smile; L am yours, Algernon. A
half loaf is better than no bread. Som
erville Journal.
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-04-17
ESCAPED.

There is something to make man
thoughtful in such an escape as the SUI
veyor had who was climbing the face of
precipice and suddenly found himself
confronted by an enraged rattlesnake.
A similar fearful choice between two
deaths, and sudden deliverance from the
jaws of both, is related below:
While working at his mine near Tres
Aiamos, few days ago, John Lyons, of
Tombstone, Arizona, suddenly found
himself in an unpleasant situation. He
had put In blast, lighted the fuse, and
just reached the top of the shaft, when
he beheld four mounted Apaches rap
idly approaching with plain intent to
slaughter him.
To run was to be overtaken, and tc
stay was to be blown to pieces. ant
neither alternative presented any attrac
tions. Mr.. Lyons hesitated an instant
and then dropped behind heap of rocks
at the mouth of the shaft. At that mo.
ment the blast exploded, and velley of
stones and debris few inte the air with
laundering report.
The indians, who had made sure ot
their victim, were so amazed and terrified
at this marvellous interference that they
wheeled and galloped away. screaming
IKE LENDS. and Mr.. Lyons, who had no,
been struck by single one of the rock.
which fell all around him. made onicl
time to Tres Alamos.
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-04-17
Murders and Executions

In an editorial in the April Century,
entitled Mob or Magistrate" the follow
ing comparison is made between mur-
Ter and the application of justice:
"Over against the fifteen hundred
murders of the last year, we have the
'epcrt of barely nisety-three legal exc
sutiens. Many of these must have been
cases in which the crime had been COM
m1tted during 1882. while many of the
criminals of 1888 had not yet been bro't
to trial. 1t is not, however, far from
the truth to say that, while thirteen or
fourteen hundred murders are commit
ted in this country every year, fewer
than hundred Of the murderers suffer
the extreme penalty of the law. When
the willful slayer knows that he has
thirteen chances out Of fourteen of es-
eaplng the full penalty of the law, the
deterrent influence of punishment can't
he said to be very powerful.
"The small number of murderers
hanged by the sheriffs, and the greater
number hanged by the mobs, should be
evidence enough that the administration
Of our criminal courts in many quarters
IS fatally defective, and needs reforming.
The only classes of persons interested in
maintaining the present state of things
are the criminals and the criminal law
,ers; and it is not for their exclusive
benefit that society is organized. The
contrast between the swift, firm, and
sure methods of English and Continental
courts in dealing with great criminals,
and the Uardy, feeble, and abortive meth
DDS Of our own, should sting our national
pride to some energetic measures of re-
form. The people must rouse themselves
Ito demand more vigorous enforcement
of the laws, and they must see to it that
judges and prosecuting attorneys are
chosen who have the ability and the will
to bring evil doers to justice. The judges
on the bench may well inquire whether
THE protection of the criminal has not
assumed disprOpOrtionste Importance in
our criminal procedure. If, in our fear
lest an innocent man may suffer, the law
itself, which is the only protection of
innocent men, becomes utterly paralyzed,
then there is call for the revision of
our methods and our maxiIns, and the
Infusion of new spirit into our laws.
Every judge who will brush aside the
hair splitting devices of the lawyers,
and insist that criminals shall be con-
Quoted with rigor and directness of pur-
pose, will deserve, and will be likely to
win, the approval of his fellow citizens
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-04-17
Beer Drinking.

The Popular Science News quotes the
testimony of Col. Green, President of the
Connecticut Mutual Life Insurance Co.,
in regard to the unwhoIesomeness of
beer drinking:
I'm one of our largest cities, contain
ing a great population of beer drinkers,
had occasion to note the deaths among
large group of persons whose habits,
in their own eyes and in those of their
friends and physicians, were temperate,
but they were habitual users of beer.
When the observation began, they were.
upon the average, something under mid
die age, and they were, of course, selected
lives For tive or three years there was
nothing very remarkable to be noted
among the group. Presently death began
to strike it; and, until it had dwindled
to fraction of its original proportions,
the mortality in it WAS astounding in
extent, and still more remarkable in the
manifest identity of cause and mode.
There was no mistaking it. The history
was almost invariable; robust, apparent
ucdltu, iull III uoClco, Kali OuIolucs III"
creasIng weight. t1Orid faces, then touch
of cold. or sniff of malaria and instant
ly some acute disease, with almost in
variably typhoid symptoms, was in
violent action: and ten days or less ended
it. 1t was as if the system had been
kept fair outside, while within it was
eaten to a shell, and at the first ouch of
disease there was utter collapse; every
fibre was poisoned and weak. And this,
in its main features, varying. of course,
in degree. has been my observation in
beer drinking everywhere. 1t is pecu-
liariy deceptive at first: it is thor
Oughly destructive at the last"
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-04-17
Nervousness.

The moment there is danger of i'm
pairmeRt of the mind from excessive
nervous exhaustion, or where there eN-
lists forebodings of evil, q desire for soll-
tude, stunning and avoiding company,
vertigo and nervous debility, or when
insanity fas already taken place, Peruna
and Manalin should be implicitly relied
on; but il is never well To wait so long
before treatment is commenced; the
early symptoms are loss of strength, soft
ness of the muscles, dim or weak sight.
peculiar expression of the face and eyes.
coated tongue, with impaired digestion.
or in others, certain powers only are lost.
while they are otherwise enjoying COM
paratively good bealth; in all these Pc
runa and ManaliR should at once be
taken
Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-04-17
Wanted a Piano thar Winds Up

| Said man approaching an exhibitor
of pianos at Exhibition Fl II: Il Eave
heard of new tangled piano that winds
up, and | want to get one of them. Do
| you sell such an Instruments"
"YOu mean music box"
Maybe. Does a music box wind
up?7
"Oh, yes; child can work it easily.
Can cause it to play ali day long, if you
| like"
"Oh. I've got one of them now. You
mean the kind you bang with the fin
gers2"
No; a music box winds up same as
clock, then it plays until it runs down.
then you can wind it up again,
see?"
This isn't the kind of wind up
mean. | want one that winds up same
as a man winds up his business. |
don't care whether it quits on account
of failing health, retires with cOmpe-
tency or makes an assignment, so that
it winds up. I've got one of the kind
you have here and it never quits. /
have seven daughters and they are all
learning to play. I've paid music
teacher pretty near twenty dollars to
leach ny Oldest girl, and she s teaching
No 6, and No. is instructing No. sand
so on down. and il takes all day and
half the night to go the rounds
Il see" said the piano exhibitor,
''you want the furniture without the
noise?"
Exactly"
"I'm afraid there's nothing of that de-
scription in the market; you see it's the
music the people want"
mo! Is that SOP"
Fact
well, say! Haven't you got one that
works eight hours day. has an hour
for dinner, closes at l O'clock on Satur
dry, observes the Sunday law, and all
the legal holidays? You ought to have
something of that kind ?" =
But we haven't. I'll tell you what
you must do. Put combination lock
on your piano and forget the combina-
ton. How'll that do?"
Good schemel I'll do it sure. Thou-
sand times obliged to you. Can't you
run out and take something?"
Cincinnati Saturday Night.