News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-05-15
AT THE SUPPER TABLE.

AZ THE SUFFER- Table,
"What, another cup of tea, Mr.. Dunn
ley ?" exclaimed the landlady, as h
passed his cup for the third time. ''-
am delighted to see that you are enjoy
ing your supper"
"Yes," responded Dumley. 81 wal
quite hungry tonight, and the tea tastes
unusually good"
ssNot very complimentary to me,
went on the landlady, with sort o
second class gente0l little laugh. 81
generally make the tea myself, but to-
night I was busy about something else,
and the cook made it. I wonder what
she could have put in it.
"well," responded Dumley, as he
stirred it gently with his spoon, 81
should judge from the taste that she
must have put some tea in it"
TWO BOASTS.
Iowa Man Eyes, sir; our proud
boast is that Iowa has COW on every
hilltop, and plenty of milk i'll the val
leys."
Pennsylvania Man-"That's nothing.
Pennsylvania has pump at every cross
roads, and plenty of milk in the cities. "
DULL TIMES.
Canadian Hotel Keeper-'I don't see
how we are to get along. The house is
about empty, yet it is impossible to re-
duce expenses. Look over the Ameri-
can papers and see what the news is.
Hotel Clerk-"I have looked over
them. There has not been big defal-
cation in the United States for two
weeks"
Canadian Hotel Keeper-"My stars
we will be ruined. I never knew the
times to be so dull"
FEARFUL REVENGE.
Mr.. Finks (reading)-"'It is now
learned that the bloated but blooming
monopoly which controls the sealskin
sacoue business gets the finest skins
from the natives for forty cents. ,"
Mrs. Finks-"What ?''
"Forty cents"
'sAh cut that out, quick.
s'But for what ?"
81 want to send the item to that
odious Mrs. Minks. She got new
sacaue last Christmas"
HINT TO THE ovERwoRKED.
Country Doctor you need,
sir, is outdoor exercise. You should
walk thirty or forty miles day"
Country Editor-"But it is impossible.
have my paper to look after.
Doctor-"If I am not much mistaken
you recently engaged stranger of ex-
ceptionaI intelligence to assist you with
your writing and collect bills.
Editor-''Yes, that is true
Doctor-"Well, let him do all the
writing and you do all the collecting for
a while"
A SAD PROSPECT.
'I see by the papers that the Ameri-
can Association of Umpires have decid-
ed to fine pitchers ten dollars for hitting
the batsman with the ball.
''Oh, I guess that can't be true"
"But I know it is. You can rely on
it."
cit is really too bad. Seems to me
the country is going to the dogs"
"How sol"
"The only national game we have is
baseball, and now that is to be deprived
it's chief attraction.
PLEASANT DAY IN THE WEST.
'My dear" said Western farmer to
his wife as he got out of bed, twill you
look and see what kind of a day it is p
"Well," she replied, gazing out of the
window, "Mr. Smiths barn across the
way is being blown into the next lot,
but"
"Not his new brick barn ?"
ssNo, the old wooden one, and it looks
as if the roof of his house will have tc
go, but [ don't believe there will be very
much of storm"
Probably not" replied the husband,
''but still we can hardly expect settled
weather at this season of the year.
guess [ had better drive to town to-day
instead of waiting until Saturday. II
might storm, then.
APPROPRIATE PRONUNCIATION.
Jones-"That was terriable dy-na
mite explosion, wasn't it? ?"
Smith-''was anybody killed ?"
"No, but the reverberation was felt
for miles"
''In that case you should not call il
a dynamite explosion. Nobody die6
you know"
s'What should I call it ?"
s'A dynamite explosion-made big
din. you know"
HIS EXCUSE.
Editor-''No, your Honor, I am not
sick, but ] should like to be excused
from jury duty all the same. !"
Judge-''For what reason ?,'
81 have a very important article to
write for the next issue of the paper.
every important, is it9 May ask
what is the subject p
"The jury system"
"Ah! And what ground do you
take ?''
''That all the evils of the system
would be removed if reputable citizens
would consent to serve"
SUMMER BOARDING RATES.
Stranger-"What do you charge fol
those rooms for the season ?''
Landlady-"Let me see. You said
something about being at Newport all
last summer, did you not p
eyes"
"My terms are $40 day."
"My gracious I can't afford to pay
that"
cit is cheaper than going to New
port"
"But meant Newport, Pa. 1 was at a
farmhouse near there, and paid Sc a
week"
"Ohl excuse me. In that case my
terms will be $3.50 a week.
OLD AND NEW SCHOOLS.
Minks-"Do you cling to the old
school of medicine ?"
Finks-"Old school ?"
eyes; the allopathic p
81 hardly know. You see, when there
is anything the matter my wife always
doctors me. Is that allopathic ?"
"Well, no; should call that home
pathic,