Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1884-08-28
Kasby's Tribulations.
TWO TARIFF DEFINITIONS PROM THE DEM
ocRATIc AUTHORITIES.
CoNrEnERIr X RoAns

CONFIDENT n ROADS,
witch is in the State Nv Kentucky,
Jooly 80, 1884.
There are beins in this world which are
constantly maxim trouble. and that ieend
Joe Bigler is one Nv EN-, and the cheef.
We he'd called another meetin for the pur-
pose Nv ratifying the nominashens, wich We
he'd dooly announst by notiss, written by
lssaker Gavitt, and pasted up in Bascoms
bar-room, TO make shoor that all the Dim
ocra;s Nv the Corners wood see it, sot by
it for day and red il TO EN-, TO enshoor a
full attendance.
Joe Bigler happened in and red it, and
sed it wuz good lice 10 hey ratification
meetln. lie shood.n hisself probably vote
for Cleveland and Hendrix. but il wuz the
proper racket 10 hev SIGH meetins TO discuss
the platforms and SIGH, TO the end Nv ci,i.
zens votin intelligently. and should swell
the meetin BY bein present hisself
Then knowed th~r wood be trouble, and
| wood hev postponed the meetin ill some
time when he Nus sure 10 be away, ef
Good. But unforchinitly | coodn't
The mite cum. the horn wls ioolid. and
Dtekin Pogram. lssaker Ga,itt and myself,
took one sustainer to help US thro the hour
and half we shooJ be in the meetin and
deprived u, sustensnce, and then We went
over 10 the meetin house. | assoomed the
chair. and lssaker Gavitt took the seere-
tary's table. ex-offisho. and made the
speech ez yoosual.
| commenst an elaborate discussion NV
the platform Nv the party. and wuz eittin on
very well I'LL come TO the tariff plank.
when Joe Bgler riz and interrupted me-
knew the cuss wood do ii. and nv heart
went down into my boots.
Il beg pardon" said Josef, for interrupt
in the elokent speaker. and woodent DO il
only | desire to assist him in eloosidatin the
eggsact meenin Nv the platform. over wich |
understand Their hez bin sum trouble IF
Their is ANYTHING on earth which shood be
clear and well defned-so clear that he who
runs may read--it is the platform Nv princi-
pies w CRATE party. 1t shood be 80 cleer
that the humbest inteleck shood know eg-
gsactly va, is meant by ii.and wat them wich
stand on II propose 10 do about il. To the
end Nv heyin plane and cleer interpreta-
shen NV this tariff plank i; okkurred TO me,
when wuz over TO Secesshunville, TO 20 to
the highest authority on the subject, ~lch is
Mr.. Rarnum. the Chairman "a, the nashnel
Dimocra,ic commitiy. IF anybody on earth
ought TO know wat tine platform means il is
Barnunl, isn't il ?'
The meetin all yelled Yes - when Josef
went on
81 may ez well menshun that | assoomed
the name Nv our esteemed friend lssaker
Ga,itt, and telegrspard thus:
ITO William II. u ,rnuu1. Cheerman Nv
the Nashne Dimekratc Committy: Does
the Dimerkra,ic platform meen perteck shun
or free trade
lssAKER GAvIrr. Manyoofaktrer'
The snser received was entirely salts
faktry. Il red thus
ITO lssaker Glvitt. Manyoofaktrer
The tariff plank in t;i- Demekratic platform
meens tariff reform. with tendency to the
pertecksEun Nv Amerikln labor hy imposin
heavy doOtes on the manyoofaktrrs Nv the
blos;ed Briton. Bare down h-ay, on the
perteck,hun tendency among YOUR operat-
ives.
". II. BARNUN. Cheerman'
Issaker. wich hez a small interest in 4
roilin-mi,l. r.E TO hi, feet and ,rled
Il knowd IT | knowI il " course
wan, tariff reform but the platform j.
all in the direkshun Nv perieckshun, Hoo
ra, -
Il shood also state" continued Josef,
that when returned TO the Corners tele-
gralhed wunst NOR. to Mr.. Barnum. TO be
shoor ] he'd not misunderstood him. only
yoused the name u, our ekallv esteemed
friend. Deekin pogram. This waz my sec
ond dispatch.
Nv at IS the eggsact neenin as the tariff
plank in the Dimokralic platform | ask
As a sufirrin Dlmokratic agricultoOrist ia a
fsrmn seckshun.
DEEKIN SETH PoGR.M'
The anser cum back very promptly:
TO Deekin Seth Pogram: The tariff
plank in the Dimokratic platform is entire
y explicit 1t meens tariff reform with an
unoompromisin' leeEing toward free trade.
and the rite to buy goods in England or else
where. wherever VOC kin buy EN- the cheap
ct. Bare down heavy on the free trad.
tendency among ynIr oppres, acr.cultooral
friends. W. II BARNUN. Cheermsn'~
Il knowd il | Anowd it :" shreeked the
good old deekin. "Hooray !, We hev plat
form wich meens free trade -
Some trouble ensood. Issaker swore tina;
the dispatch sent to the deekn wus bogus.
and the deekin sSore that the dispatch sent
To lssaker was bogus, for both he'd he'd the
platform read TO EN-, and they both he'd con
s.rood il.
lssaker denounced the deekln ez a d--n
ass for" said he. docs not Randall uv
PennsIlvany accept the platform. and amt he
perieckshunist ?"
'D-n ass yourself :" retored the
deekin. docs not Watlerson, and Carlisle.
and Morrison. and Hurd all accept it. and
amt they rabid free traders ?"
And then. ez these two Dimccrat- wuz
THROWN mud at each other. the meeting
broke up in a row. and Joe Bigl.r rolled off
atfin. remarkin that he wus sorrv for the
disturbance. but he wanted the platform
clearly defined, and h- didn't know how else
TO get eleer enunshIsshen uy wat il meni
than by telegraffin the chairman Nv the
Dimocratic nashnel committv. lie shood
immejitly perceed 10 TELEGRAPH more Nv EN-
soon, and wood hev ansers BY ,he time the
Dimroc.asy Nv the Corners wanted to raiify
again.
PETROLEUM v. Massey,
TN constant hot watrrl