Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1884-07-25
HUMOR.

Gen. Butler made visit to the
White House the other day. He is
very much exercised to know nov
where he will put that new bath tub
which a Connecticut editor has prom
lsed to loan him during the presideu-
ial term.
Johnny, here take this note down
to Mrs. Holman"
Whats it about motheri"
"Oh, bother; only to let her know
her friends are going to surprise her
on the evening of July s, so she can
set ready for ii.
''Begorra, I've always been Dim
mycrat, but I'll vote for Logan this
tonne" exclaimed an enthusiastic
Irlshman on the glorious Fourth.
When asked his reason, he replied,
''Shure an the papers seq he murders
the English, and be the powers, Dim
down on the English"
Gladstone, it is said, sings to him.
self as he walks in his garden. Glad
stone is a wise man. He doesn't
possess very mellifluous voice, and
If he had adopted the rash plan of
singing to other people as he walked
IN his garden, he would have had
rightfully steep surgeons bills to
settle years ago.
Doctor, l want to thank you for
your great patent medicine" 1T
helped you, did iti" asked the doctor,
very much pleased. 1T helped nae
wonderfully" How many bottles
did you find it necessary to take9"
ooh, | didn't take any of it. Ny
uncle took one bottle, and l am his
sole heir"
A.-"1ou see that man over op-
posite9 Well, he was once one of the
most respectable and respected citizens
in town." B.--'And isn't he nowi"
Atlas! no. He went yachting
last summer and saw the sea serpent"
B.-"And what of that9" A
Everybody speaks of him nov as
liar and drunkard
A coal dealer asked some law stu
dents what legal authority was the
favorite of his trade? Oae answered.
Coke" Right" said the coal deal
er. Another suggested, Blackstone. :"
Good, too" SAID the qaestioner.
Then little man piped out, Little
ton Whereupon the coal-dealer sat
down.
John, said the proprietor of the
ice-cream saloon to his dusky mental,
has the corn-starch come yeta" Yes,
sah," And the citric acid2" Yes,
sab. " And the three gallons of skim
mIk2' Yes, sah." Then you had
better make four gallons of lemon
cream. l think we are going to have
warm evening""
A German was recently asked TO
repeat the following extract from the
bible: IAN angel came down from
heaven and took live coal from off
the altar" He attempted to do so,
and this is his Interpretation of IT.:
IAN injun coined down from New
Haven out, und dock life colt by
der tail Of his breeches, and jerked
him his collar out. "-ArkaL saw
Traveller.
The Encouragement of Art.
Wealthy Since you spoke
to Jones and me about this picture,
Cadmium, VT have arranged that
one of us shall have it." Cadmium
(brightening)-'I am glad of that,
very glad; glad on! your account,
too. Which of you has it?" Wealthy
amateur-"Well, we are going to
pitch up for it, and the one that
loses takes the picture. Life.
Chicago preacher-'Yes, the at
tendance has been very neagre late
ly; but l had grand congregation
last Sunday" Visiting brother
Last Sunday? Why, l saw by the
papers iC stormed here terribly last
Sunday" Yes; as the saying is, 1T
rained pitchforks all day long, ="
And yet you say your church was
crowded." YES How do you
account for its7 "Well, you see, the
weather was so bad they had to pest
pone the races. Philadelphia Call
A little girl came from her Sunday
school in a high state of Indignation
because her Sunday school teacher
had told her that Jesus was Jew.
''Was he a Jew, mother2' ''Why,
yes, my DEAR" said the mother, lit
tie doubtfally, as if unwilling to con-
cede the Objectionable fact, but unable
to deny it; II suppose he was Jew. "
But 1 thought he was tie Son of
God" so he is, my dear" Il
don't see how, then, he could be a
jew" responded the young sectarian,
"for God is Presbyterian. Chris
tian Union.
by Jove," said the lyux-eyed
proof-reader on Boston paper. Some
body go down and kick slug nine into
the street. Here's three times I've
marked beans on him in that poem of
Julia Ward Howc's, and every time
he spells it 'peans.'
My soul sings peans to the gods of spring.
There's lots of sense in that, isn't
there2 Where'd he ever learn to spell
beans that way?" And his face was
livid with wrath as once more he saw
ed the poem from Observation-Disclosures
| dette.
SHE ADVERTISED.
Little Bopeep she lost her sheep,
And didn't know where to find EN-;
She advertised. and they came home,
Dragging gold dollars behind EN-.