Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-01-31
CROCKETT,S CREDENTIALS.
Not the "Unlicked Rip ROarer" HI
Was Credited With Being.
Washington Star

to the nOtOriety which his eccentricities
achieved for him, he gradually grew
ashamed of them, and would gladly have
been at less variance with his comparative
ly polished surroundings. On one occa-
sion, when he had accepted an invitation
to large public dinner at which many
notables were to be present, he sought
Judge Bowen, an official of distinction
who knew him well and liked him.
Judge" he said, II understand you are
to be present at the big feed this evening
Certainly, MI. Crockett. Pretty much
everybody will be at the dinner, believe. j
well, Judge" said Crockett, little
slyly, Il want to ask favor of you. Will
you do me the honor to observe me mar
rOwly all through the repast?"
why, Of course, if you wish it Mr..
Crockett" said the judge, anticipating
some fresh oddity or uncounthness; but
what for?"
"Never mind at present, Judge; I'll Let
you know afterward," said Crockett. "And,
| by the by, give the wink to some frinds
you can trust-gentlemen of eminence
and distinction, like yourself, you know
| SO that they may observe me likewise.
But mind, judge, they must be eminent
men-men of bang-up names Will you
do this for me, judge?"
The judge renewed his promise with
much heartineSS. The dinner came Oft
| accordingly. But those who had been on
the lookout for some fresh breach of eti-
quette on the part of the untutOred Con-
gresham were doomed to disappointment,
though the event was, perhaps, none the
less amusing. 1t soon became evident that,
instead of seeking to attract attention, he
was earnestly endeavoring to avoid it.
From the outset he made superhuman
efforts to attain the well-bred decorum
that ruled around him, and with a very
commendable degree of success. He stud
led the manners of his neighbors in dispOs-
ing of their viands with the keenness of a
trapper on an indistinct trail in the star
light, and initiated them with the automs
aton-like assiduity of Chinese tailors
apprentice. His childlike painstaking was
equally pathetic and ludicrous. But, as we
have said, he achieved fair degree of sue
cess. Course succeeded course without
evolving perceptible blunder. He even
slipped his wine gently instead of engulfing
it thirstily. The temptations of the des-
sert were successfully resisted. The toasts
were drank sparinglv. At last. to the
wondel vi al auu he dioappoI4iiuent Of
many, the dinner was at an end without
the notorious Mr. Crockett having be-
trayed single oddity or vulgarism what
ever, original or otherwise.
The next day Crockett again called on
Judge Bowen in his office, with mixture
of hope, anxiety and suspense in his man
ner. Judge" said he, did you and your
friends observe me closely at the big din
ner, as | requested?"
The Judge had OWNED the rough dia-
mond's praiswOrthy aspirations and fully
sympathized with them. Yes, MIR. Crock
EFT, we did" he replied, "and, sir, we were
both astonished and overjoyed. 'Mr.
Crockett must have been masquerading up
to this time we said to ourselves, for it is
evident that he is, after ALL fine gentle
man, who now casts aside the backwoods
character he has thus far seen fit to main
tain"
Great God are you in earnest, Judge?"
exclaimed Crockett, his breath almost
taken away did really behave decent
then?"
"Decently, sir?' reiterated the Judge,
that doesn't express it, sir. You conduct
GU gOulSCli tulOltShoul WIN a. anu
polish as to the manor born y
Crockett gave whoop. Put that down
in writing, Judge !" ne exclaimed. Draw
it up in reg lar black and white, as they do
resolutions, sayin' just how / behaved at
that big dinner. Then sign it as proof
that can be gentleman under pressure,
Judge-that l amt always the unlocked
rip-roarer they've mostly credited me with
bein'. Will you Judge?"
II will, and with the utmost pleasure"
replied Judge Bowen, with difficulty con-
trolling himself, despite the drollery of the
situation. Call tomorrow, and l will
have the document duly drawn up and
signed"
Greatly elated, Crockett called on the
following day and got the coveted dOcu-
ment Its contents were everything he
could desire, and appended to it were
dozen or more distinguished signatures.
For long time afterward he was very
fond of exhibiting the paper, especially to
ladies at whose houses he imagined he had
most glaringly misconducted himself. He
also, upon his return to Tennessee, display
ed it with great pride to many of his con-
stituents, and the paper became known as
"the Hon. David Crocketts credentials"
A Balky Horse.
A LeOminister farmer recently broke his
horse of balky freak in a very quiet and,
as he claims, not a cruel manner. His horse
is in excellent flesh and shows no signs of
neglect on the part of his master. He
drove him, attached to rack-wagon, to
the wood lot for a small lot Of wood. The
animal would not pull pound. He did
not beat him with club, but tied him to
tree and let him stand. He went to the
lot at sunset and asked him to draw, but
he would not straighten tug. Il made
up my mind" said the farmer, that when,
that horse went to the barn he would take
that load of wood. The night was not cold |
went to the barn, got blankets and COW
cred the horse warm, and he stood until |
Then he refused to draw. At |
noon / went down and he was probably |
hungry and lonesome. He drew that load
Of wood the first time l asked him. re-
turned and got another load before / fed |
him. l then rewarded him with good |
dinner, which he eagerly devoured. I have |
drawn several loads since. Once he refused |
to draw, but as soon as he seen ne start for |
the house he started after me with the |
load. A horse becomes lonesome and dis |
contented when left alone, as much so as |
person, and / claim that this method, if |
rightly used, is far less cruel and is better
for both horse and man than to beat the |
animal with club"