The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-05-23
WHOLE NO. 776
--7----- DEER LODGE MONTANA, MAY 20, 1884.
WHY WE LAUGH.
Never los4 your roller skates. That make
them q wheel borrow.

Never loa4 your roller skates. That makes
them wheel borrow.
It won't do to monkey with Grants name
In Republican convention. 1t might 60 oil.
A counter irritant-The woman who Of
fsrs 10 cents yard for 40-cent goods.-Nor-
ristorn Herald.
This country Is not aristocratic in her toy
gerry. The most aristocratic article she wears
10 "cotton belt."-Lotoelt Courier.
All the farmers are using "chilled plows"
this season, and will continue to do 30 until
the weather is warmer.--Lo,ceu Courier.
"What Is needed In this country" said the
bride as she examined the wedding presents,
isis silver service reform; that set IL plated"
The Empress of Austria can set type, and
the empress of an American farm can set .
hen. Customs differ In different countries.
Merchant Trareier.
A druggist who has opened new store at
the South End advertises: "Arnica, sticking
plaster, splints, bandages and other base ball
goods. Boston Bulletin.
The philologists are LOOKING for suitable
name for the telephone message. Would
We be chased out Of town If We cautiously
suggested 'hellogram 9"--Chicago Ners.
A train Of sixteen mules, fifteen loaded
with whisky and one with -four, arrived At
Eagle few days ago, and man from Non
tana wanted to know what they were going
to do with all that four.--C9ur d'Alene
Eagle. t..-..
A gentleman with . large mouth and .
proclivity to smile was only brought to .
complete rest by being asked BY the photeg-
rapber to "please try and smile within the
limits of the camera only."-N. Y. CONNER.
cial Advertiser. .a.
"Papa, what 10 tariff ?" asked Congress-
mans little boy. Gazing compassionatsly at
the youthful knowledge e-sseker and sadly
shaking his head, the father replied: my
son, cannot tell . lie; I do not know."-
N. Y. Journal.
An editor in Southern California managed
nve different papers In the last year, and they
all collapsed on his hands. He has just
| started another and has named 1t "kind
Words" because kind words can never die.
--Pretzers Weekly.
When lecturer goes TO Montana he givss
| his lecture title embraced In . nineteen
| syllable word, and this causes the people to
think 1t new new kind Of mixed drink and
| Bismarck Tribune.
We can guess pretty easily why the band
didn't play "Wait till the clouds roll by"
when the procession Of colored people passed
In review before the President in Washington
on Emancipation Day. It would have been
nobbed II It had.--Locelt- Citizen.
The Springfield (Msss:) Republican OBJ.
serves that "one would suppose, from the
weight given to the objection that Mr.. Ed
munds is q cold man. that We were . ma
tion of old women and that tha great pur-
pose Of President is to act - . foot-warmer
to be taken to bed with the county o.
nights"
On . monument erected over . grave in the
cemetery in Georgetown Is the Inscription !:
"She Was . respectable woman" This Is
uivdess o...~sh. certainly. but there are few
scription without turning their heads and
muttering "HumPh !"--Boston Transcript.
The Caterer furnishes these gsstron ronomical
proverbs "Court the onion and fee the
doctor. Discretion Is the proper sauce for
cheese. Wise counsel cometh not from an
empty stomach. True economy in the house
hold has heaven for Its banker. All should
profit by the aid of the cook--except the
apothecary. Neither the nibbler nor the
glutton knoweth the value Of the feast"
Is John Occult wealthy?
He Is well to do.
Then he 10 doing we'll?
Spiendidly. He belongs to no less than
half dozen secret charitable societies.
Is that of any advantage TO him?
Advantage? should say SO. Why, look
At Charley Grips case. Charley only be.
longed to two societies, and when he died be
had bang up funeral. Both lodges turned
out with full ranks, and marched all over
town, in stunning rsgalia, and headed BY .
drum corps. And then you ought to have
seen the flowers! The interior Of the church
looked like conservatory.
Yes, that must have been very gratifying
to Charley, supposing that he was fond Of
flowers; but didn't they do anything for his
widow? .' ell
Do anything? They did everything.
They passed resolutions, chuck full Of alln.
sions to "an all-wise providence" tour be.
loved brother" "love and regard" aheartfelt
sympathies," and all that sort Of thing, and
printed them in all the newspapers, seside
sending her copy. II two lodges did oil
that. what might not one expect Of ak
That's why say John is wsll-to-do.--Bos-
ton Transcript.