davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evening critic., 1884-11-12

/ hereby certify that neSfKa2dthorlz tho
callgraph, and pQEtlehiarly that which has
been publishedbsy'W II. Porter, tho represen-
tatiye OF lbSsmachine In washington, D. g.
PriROfpal or the Washington sGkp0iTof Pho
biography and Type YNItlRs
The Evening critic., 1884-11-12
STEAMBOATS,.
T ooK AT Low FARES.

FA.DELT Sc BRO
422-2d Eighth st., between d and H.. W.
CLOSE carriages for weddings, calls and re
captions. Boarding and Livery Stable.
The Evening critic., 1884-11-12
ID O VI G
NINITEI AND
Special Sale Of Ladies', NJ

Full regular ribbed English Hose, sizes 8 to
Doubie-Bneed Heavy Ribbed Hose, Black,
cents; worth SO cents.
Misses' Black 5pliced-Feet Hose, to sih,
Misses Fine Cashmere Hose, all shades, oil
Ladioe' French Ribbed Cashmere Hose, all
M and Extra Long Cashmere Hose, In all
Ladies' spliced-Foet Hose, all shades. at 80
Ladies' q. & @. Hose, unbleached, 90 cents;
Ladies' Cashmere Hose, in all shades, from
DOUG
522
The Evening critic., 1884-11-12

ri gSys XII bls. S S%Rlo'o assortment
The Evening critic., 1884-11-12
Ladies' SeaEkin SaGQQGs, D0lnanS
and NeWmarkGtS.

Seal sacques, warranted London dye, at 1925;
intrinsic value, $175.
=Seal Sacquee, warranted London dye, atSlio;
Intrinsic value, 500.
Better qualities OF like low figures.
The Evening critic., 1884-11-12
TIE EVENT OF THE SEASON /!

Comprising the grandest, most complete, best
selected, and above all, tho 1oweetpriced
offering OF Winter Wraps OF every description
ever attempted In Washington by our own or
any other establishment.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
SAUCE FOR SWEETHEAHTs.

II is said that old maids can write the
hest love tales, because their idea of love
is all imagination.-Chicago Sun.
Three men counting one girl is much
less dangerous to the world ut large
than three girls in love with one man.
-Philadelphia Call.
"My son." said father to his young
son, "always mix in bright society"
and the son, taking his advice, began
going with red.headed gir!s.-Philadel
phia News.
A California glrl has taught her horse
To kneel whenever she wants to mount.
No girl, however, is happy until she has
taught a young man to kneel.-4on-
ters Statesman.
81 Say No." Is the title of Wilkie
Collins new novel. Every gentleman
.hould carry copy in his pocket during
leap year. 1t will save wear and tear
at the vocal orgsns.-Burlington Free
Press.
81 tell We, Bill, no girl can fool me.
II j call on girl and she doesn't say
much and acts like she wants me to
leave, and don't shake hands with me
when leave, and don't ask ME to call
again. it's very seldom ever call back
10 see her."-Kentucky State Journal.
Jobn," said Marathon girl, "you
will be ready to marry me when the
daisies fieck the green"
"What makes you think So"
"Oh, l jumped at the conclusion"
"What right had you to do thatw
because it is leap year."-1nde-
pendent.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
III.
REJECTED.

The two met frequently after that
Janet lived in n neat little cottage not
fan from the station. Her mother was
dead and she supported an invalid faith
er with her earnings.
Gale CArdopne visited her at the cot.
tage, sent her books and flowers, and
Sometimes walked with her in the
woodS which stretched between North
brook and the cottage.
Having seen so much Of the world,
being rich, handsome and pleasing
talksr, IL was no wonder that she be-
came fond Of his society. He, In turn,
Was very much fascinated by her and
wondered why! He had mingled
great deal in society and had met with
many beautiful and accomplished ladies
while she was but quiet, demure, or
binary looking country girl. However,
he was not the only man who had tried
10 find his way out of such qusndsry.
He proposed to her one evening. They
were standing beside the cottage gate.
The stars were shining softly overhead;
the young moon was just visible above
the IoS-lying hills; = subtle, resinous
odor Was waited from the woods; the
frogs croaked in the meadows; an owl
called to his mate from his perch under
the leaves If the mill.
Why was janet so long in replying to
Gale Cardonne's passionate appeal? de
saw the color come and go in her face.
He saw her lips tighten.
81 am so sorry p she said at last, with
q grasp, her frame trembling.
"Sorryp repeated be, feeling little
dszed. Because have proposed to
your
your ofier," she said.
Ii required bravery to speak those
words, dictated by duty, when love and
desire wanted so much to rebel.
mOhw calculated Gale Cardonne, red
del in aAd biting his lip.
His hand was brawny one, and she
saw how tightly it closed on the upper
rsil oftbe gate.
aIf I knew the reasoB?" he asked.
ssYeu will not insist" he said, APP
ptslipgly, catching der breath.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27

somewhat afraid Of him, but he's got 3
Good run of trade and we cant dis
charge him very well. Tell you what
let's do. Take him into the drRn, and
guess he'll be glad 70 get out In less
than six months
A nad man shows his bringing up
when he IL brought up by q policeman.
New Orleans Picayune.
"Now lame me down." remarked .
nsn " hen he tumbleds and spralned MS
ankle.
~ know" said little Chicago girl to
her elder sisters young man at the
supper table, "that you will join our So
ciefy for the protection of little BIRDS,
bt cause mamma ssys you are very tonu
of larBe." The youth promptly handed
ever q five dollar note as al lnltlatlon
fee, and thinks In due time he will De y
full fledeed oinithological humanltar-
l:n.
The Chicago Tribune has seen Irving,
and SAYS thai his intelle ctuality Is lumi.
rous and widely horizoned." Gosh
Sounds like description of one OF the
red sunsets! Henry will send copy oil
Il at paper.--Lowell Citizen.
A funny young man asked ms rove
he other day: "What's the difference,
hetv cen me and q female Sheep" anu
when his love gave it up'the funny
Young man said, "Why, just the same
difference as there is between eve and
me.n Unfortunately his love didn't see
he Joke, and now the funny young man
is W initiating his ewemor other wlse.--
Harvard Lampoon.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
/ ii.
"YEr LOVE YOU, STRIP

Aweek later Janet Thorne met Gale
Cardonne at the gate at Northbrook.
She had stopped to deliver dispatch.
He took II, but eyed her askance, his
face rigid. He noticed that she looked
worried and that her hand shook.
THANK YOU" he crisply said, turning
to go. w
Her tone was quick, incisive, tinged
with desperation.
He wheeled around. She stood stone
still for q moment, white and speech
less. She was having fierce fight
with herself.
"Iou. despise me-" she said, huskily.
"Why, no, childw
He spoke the epithet In tenderness,
not because she looked so childlike, nor
because he was q dozen years her
senior.
81 am very miserable OVERT, but can
not blame you" he said, ''unless 1t may
lie because you have no business to be
20 charming" and queer smile came
TO his lips.
''There is something must tell you,"
she slowly said, looking past him into
vacancy. "In justice to myself, sir, and
i nope you Will not luluh Iue OOlu. L
reject you, and yet love you, sir. How
deeply, God only knows"
The sweet gray eyes were looking d.
Ieclly at him, then, warm glow in
them. His heart gave bound.
Janet, have you reconsidered"
She shook her head.
Then you have simply increased
the pain-the consciousness OF the great
loon have lost. Do you delight in
tbat?"
His tones rose in volume, and fiery
sparkle came into his handsome black
eyes.
She recoiIed, one hand pressed against
her heart.
al wanted you to know that /, too.
am suffering" she said in hushed,
measured tone. at has given me more
pain to make the confession than it did
you to hear it"
She walked rapidly away, and he
stsred after her, slightly stupetied.
ut is her candor that is her peculiar
CHARM" was his mental comment.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
The Coon, the Dog and the Fox.


A Coon who was being chased across
Field by Dog caught sight of q Fox
and called out:
"Pray give me your Advice in this
Moment of Peril"
"Certainly," replied Reynard. my
Advice to you is to Climb Tree aud
Escape the Dog"
He then Disappeared within his Bur-
row to remark 10 himself that some
Folks never did know when they were
well of.
A few days later the Coon, who had
barely Escaped with his Life, was doing
q little Cipbering at the foot of tree In
the Forest, when the Fox came tearing
along at 2:30 gait, his tongue hanging
out, bis eyes as big as onions, and the
Hahitual Leer on his phiz faded into an
Expression of Deep Concern.
"Hello! what the Matter with you?'
called the Coon. .
~ am Pursued by Dog, and I can't
run mile further! What shall do?'
"My Advice is that you dive into your
Burrow and escape him." said the
Coon.
He then. slowly Climbed to q limb
and Remarked to himself that Fox
who was Idiot enough to Travel around
the country Without carrying his Bur-
row on his back would sooner or later
come to some Bad End.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27

Evidently 1t exists In myself" he
rejoined.
'.No, Mr.. Cardonne.n
She spoke with rapidity, and with .
quick fling OF her hand.
Perhaps time, Janet--
"No," she interrupted. 1T VIII al
ways exist"
He bad used The word exist, and she
St. med to think 1t just the one to serve
Ter.
"Japet, you are the fret woman to
whom / ever proposed" he hussily
said, "That Is true, though have al
most reached middle age.n
I'll believe you, sir,h she answered
bumbIy, regretfuuy. al appreciate the
honor you have raid me. / am sorry"
He did not want her pity. He felt
like seiziDg her and fiinging her down
the enhancement; but, by great effort,
be curbed his temper.
al am too polite to insist upon know
ing your rtasop,n he said. "You might
cay have not the light to demand It,
and don't know but that would be the
Truth. / am grievously disappointed,
and it b such 9 novel, and such "a
wrelched experience to me, that / do not
kn ow where to look for redress or for
comfort, rather. You wish me to under
stand that q chasm yawns between
us---D
(which can never be bridged," COM
pleted she, her tones firm, though she
Irembled, as he could see in the star
light. =.
He lifted his hand to his cravat, as II
to relieve choking sensation there.
II can do nothing but submit" he
slowly, ruefully said.
He strobe angrily down the path, but
stopped, turned and called out:
GOOD night, Janet"
The resigned, pitiful tone made her
heart ache as 1t had never ached before.
GOOD night, Mr.. Cardonne," she
flung back, startled at the sound OF her
voice, 1t was 50 unlike her own.
She stood alone few minutes In her
agony, her fingers twisted into q knot,
an ashen pallor in her face.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
Prepared to Support Husbands.

NcW YORK IrlOhne.
"Where are all these handsome
young ladies going% asked an old gen
tleman Of q policeman in the Cooper
Union yesterday, as he stood gazing in
admiration at a group Of a dozen young
women who were waiting for the eleva-
tor to carry them up to the art aud tele:
graphic schools on the upper floor Of
the building.
"They are going to their classes" was
the reply.
"Why, they needn't learn trade or
profession. They're too handsome,
and might easily get married." said the
stranger. ,
"Yes, but they want to be prepared
for an emergency, "said the officer. "If,
when they do get married, they have to
support their husbands, it's well enough
or Them to have profession Of some
kind to tall back upon"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
Lcadyille Piety.

1t was Leadville congregation as.
sembled to hear an itinerant preacher
describe the luxuries of u clear conscl-
ence. Those rough sons of toll were
spell by the earnestness and glow
ing vocabulary Of the reverend gentle
man. 1t might almost be said that they
hung on his words. Unfortunately there
was one sitting in the rear part of the
church, a Loted wag of that intellectual
centre; who refused thus to hang, and
while the speaker, in glow of intense
fervor, was delivering his climax
Fear not, little flock flee not awayW
the wag's eyes had been fixed on the
window.
Il declare" he murmured audibly;
there's New York detective coming
up the street"
The effect was electrical. Like one
man that congregation arose, disap-
Feared informally and hurriedly
through the windows and doors, and
only the deacon seemed to have any de-
sire to hear the end of the sermon.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
~.
AN oUTBURsT OF TEMPER.

Gale Cardonne had but one congenial
friend, 8 certain DIR. Weatherhy, q mau
n little scrotchety, but a jovial, good
hearted fellow withal; 3 most excellent
physician, and well read, not only in
he classics, but in the polite literature
OF the day. Every idle evening either
found Gale Cardonne in the coy office
of the doctor, or the latter in the library
at Northbrook.
''Cardonne, you ought to get mar
ritd," the doctor said, one evening.
They were seated in the library, little
more than the top of the doctors bald
head visible in the smoke with which
ne had enveloped himself.
why so, Weatherbyw
They had q familiar way Of calling
each other by their last names.
"Iou might look elsewhere and fare
worse," remarked the doctor.
"YOu have some one to recommend"
sale Cardonne said, interrogatively.
AYE, / have" replied the doctor,
ne who is worthy in every respect OF
ny honest mans love. 1 mean Janet
rhorne."
Just then something happened which
satber disturbed the DOCTORS compla-
.epcy. A pair of brawny arms seized
I'M, lifted him from his chair, and
rem replaced him in 1t with cOnsidera-
n'e violence.
The doctor was a small man, but
tough as tennis ball, with very little
g,mper, or else but sluggish one. He
hook himself, adjusted his shirt collar,
picked up his pipe and recrossed his
egs.
"CardOnne, didn't know that you
INDUCED in profanity" he said, his pipe
nee more in his mouth.
"Did / swear? You are to blame.
You provoked me-"
g. "Oh, I did, chi? asked the doctor.
Very irnocently SO, / assure you.
Dueling is Urder ban in this common
wealth and sneration. Still, would
ne excused for asking an explanation Of
such sudden outburst"
"She j,lted me-" growled Gale Car
donne, his passion spent.
who Tilted youm
"Janet Thorne."
mo, she didn't" the doctor said,
with emphasis.
~ tell you she didw declared the
other, with equal emphasis. "Ought
not / to know? I-I-underwent 1t!
That's just why Pm so sensitive"
"She did not jilt yOut" persisted the
doctor.
Gale Csrdonne was on his feet again.
"What do you mean% he fiercely
demanded. "Oh, you want me to be
precise! Well, she rejected me-"
"Thst's the better word" rejoined
the doctor. at isn't so derogatOry.
What possible reason could she have
had T'
"You might ask her." growled the
owner Of Northbrook. didn't"
aPerhsps she doesn't love you"
THAT isn't complimentary to me,
Weatherby. She confessed that she did
love me."
"Ohm calculated the doctor, lapsing
into silence for time.
"Cardonne, If she loves you she'll
marry your he slowly said. "There Is
some mystery about the matter. She
is very frank, and sbominstes conceal
ments. / have known her from baby
The exclamation was sudden and ex-
plosive, and his face intensified.
II think know" he said, possibly
not aware that he was rubbing his
bands. "Cardonne, If you'll apologize
to me for that shaking, Pll find you
wife"
Janet 2" asked the German Bron"'
with an illuminated face. ''Do II, and
I'll get on my knees to you. III con-
sider myself your debtor forever. Pn-"
"Oh, don't be so profuse," interrupted
the doctor, "but push the tobscco pouch
over this way"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
AsInportant ms Some Others.

A new society was discovered by 3
Williamsburg policeman yesterday. On
one of the dumps at the Wallabout
basin he noticed an excavation. AS he
slipped down into it his curiosity was ex-
cited by hearing voices. Reaching the
bottom he found door in the embank-
.ment, and opening it he found cave In
which were three men seated about q
stove, smoking and chatting. He
thought they were tramps, and, on So.
'uting them as such, he was informed
that they were the fOremen of q gang OF
pickers-a class of men who watch the
dumps for such articles as may be car
ried there with the city refuse. =,
"We're here to catch the first cart, F"
they said, "and keep strange plckers
away. This is our week on. There's
little company Of us, and we call 1t our
society. Every dump has its society:
You Just try and see If you can pick
anything of a dump without belonging
TO the society that watches 1t"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
TOTsST YOUR VANITY.
Hrrtt1yd Posi-

Hartford Post.
Slip down on the sidew ak in front OF
your best girl.
Forget the most important part of the
speech you are about 10 deliver.
Step into store and buy a ten-cent
article, aud find your pOcketbook in
your other vest pocket.
Get defeated for Office by the largest
majority ever cast against candidate
in your district.
If then your vanity clings to you,
hire phrenologist to carefully reduce
your bump of self esteem.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
He Believed IL.

A coIored individual who went down
on the slippery flags at the corner OF
Woodward avenue and Congress street
scrambled up and backed out into the
street and took long look towards the
roof of the nearest building.
"You fell from that third-story win.
dow p remarked pedestrian who had
witnessed the tumble.
Boss, believes yer" was the prompt
reply; "but what puzzles me am de
quesbun of how got up dare an why
was leanin' outer de Window
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27

YOUR MOTHER ISN'T YOUR MOTHER.
"Janet," Doctor Weatherby said, ait
was shabby In you to refuse Mr.. Car.
deDne."
He had stopped in front Of the cot
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27

Lips, Eyes, and Reart.

Kiss with the lips,
And, rs you taste their nectar,
Swear evermore TO cherish and protect he's
From all hardships.
Kiss with the eyes,
And let your tender glances
In her soft eyes see winsome maiden fanciss
Unchecked arise.
Kiss with the heart,
And from that fair, slight maiden,
Whose tender heart WITH love for youl, laden,
ERNEST.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27

What's he use of wasting rhymeS
Take your girl at any time,
Squeeze ner till the bushes come,
Close your eyes and-yum, yuma, yum!
An VIZ,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
Twas earnestly done.


Take Il easy no use for haste;
Grasp your darling round the waist;
Raise her TO her pink toe tips,
Then print IL squsreiy on her lips,
EMILIA SCH-R.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
Stray Bits or Fun.

A Texas man will 60 four or five
miles to get drink. A Vermont man
won't He'll just hang around the gin
mill all the time, and never allow MIN.
>elf to get four or five miles away from
It.
Said the Colorado man: "No; we
never commit suicide by hanging 10
cur State. A man doesn't want to be
suspected of being iynched"
A boy in New York State has swal-
lowed y tin whistle. We are sorry for
The hislie, very sorry, but what S re-
lief 10 The neighbon.-B Burlington Free
Press.
When girl has lost her spirits she
doesn't stand the ghost Of q chance. No
one can rtsp@c're.
"Yes. JOIN Is little wild, and I'm
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
SMACK Saundly.

Put up your lips To his,
And smack with all your might.
III this Il not the proper way,
lnever did II right
MARRIED
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
The Natural Way.

The natural way think The best,
indeed, I'm sure twill bear the test,
Better than art or style can boast:
think you'll find IL will please the most.
3. NJ. q,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
ODDITIES OF OSCILLATION.
Many Methods o: AecounpifshtnI
Lfnked sweetness Long Drawn Out.

Many Methods o: Accomplishing
Linked sweetness Long Drawn Out.
Several poems have been omitted on
account of arriving too late, while 9TH
ers have fallen into the waste-basket
from sheer exhaustion, having been
published in different periodicals many
generations ago. No genuine amateur
poet would be guilty of bald plagiarism,
or of writing on both sides OF the
paper.l
Old Folks Oscillation.
When first I woe ed and won my girl,
Her soul was pure, her heart was meek:
gently lifted one bright curl
And placed loves kiss upon her cheek.
wekneeled befor Q the holy shrine,
The sors bless ng TO us given;
kissed her lips, for she was mine
Ou- VOWS were registered in heaven.
Now we are near the end OF life,
The gray hairs fall around our brown;
kiss my good old faithful wife
They are the truest kisses now.
OLD DUB.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
Steal In Swiftly.

Around her waist you place your arm,
Hug her gently Ia your breast;
IL ii e objects u ~ no harm.
Kiss bei quic6ly-th ats the best,
II she gets mad rs some giVi' DO,
AMI tells on q tickly Take that backi"
Ter TO one she krs 10. 100.
so give her Just another smack.
JOHN Z.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
INTERRUPTED BLISS.

Through the streetlst In the nightlet
He VANDERBILT forlorn;
In his handlst tin caulee-
He Is hooking for horn.
When al n Quietlet, and the keglet
Meers his expectsnt eye,
He doth etoopIet and doth dumplet
With many contented sigh.
Iut the coplet on his beatlet
lRnow suspicious near,
Ard doth 300 let with his footlet
This poor enmlet drawing beer,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1884-01-27
On the Sly.

On the Sly.
IN presence OF father, and mother, and sister,
Under the misrletoe bough kissed her,
Just for fun.
When forfeits redeeming, my sentence rang
clearly:
Kiss one In the room you cherish most dear
~
Twas earnestly done,
When DOMINIC my hat but few minutes
LATER,
After saying adieu to her mater and pater.
My glove, from the hat-stand. had fallen be-
hind Is:
she slooped, and Is,ooped, as We both sought
to find II
We never knew why
Our hands ciasped, our eyes met-the glove
Is still missing;
But we found the best method. Just try it
tits kissing
Your girl on the sly.
CHARLIE
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1884-10-04

KILLED ON THE ALPs.-About three
weeks ago German professor, Herr Dreik-
orn, disappeared while making a tour on
the Alps of Vorarlberg near the Lake of
Constance. 1t was conjectured that an ac-
cident mad befallen him, and the surmise
has now been verified by the discovery of
his body at the foot of the preciphious west
ern side of the Widderstein mountain. Pro-
fessor Dreikorn, who was proceeding
through the mountains from Bregenz to
Lindau, appears TO have lost his way in q
mist, and to have fallen over the mountain
side into the valley below--a distance OF up
ward of upward of six hundred feet. When
discovered the body was in an advanced
state of decomposition, and the medical ex-
animation showed that the deceased had in
his fall suffered mortal Injuries, including
broken limbs, ribs, and skull. The fact that
his watch and finger ring had disappeared
excited suspicious Of foul play; but these
were set al rest when it WAS discovered
that his cash, amounting to $50 marks ID
gold and silver coin, was still III hi po;Se's.
On the the body being lifted piece Of pa
per was found with !, few words III 'cncI! 10
the following effect: Telegraph Proft s,"r
Dreikon, Mannheim, My last thoughts are
of Antonie and mother Terrible fail. .