The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-04-10
W.T. AND HUMoR

A feQnSylFan1d justice mas married
9, 3O4 couple, and the conscience strick-
en- wretch now declines a reelection to
office.
A Frenchman is teaching donkey
to talk. What we want in this coun-
try is man who will teach donkey
not to talk.
Says an experienced bachelor: 1.-The
a pretty girl-take time. The more
you take the better she likes it. !"
The happy father of twins recently
sent the following message to brother
in the West: Immense ioy-we got
twin babies to-day-more hereafter.
Clara Morris has recovered from her
nervous prostration. She talked
straight two columns (solid minion) to
a Detroit Times reporter, and now he
is nervously Frustrated.
What with Mr.. Barnum, Mr.. Fore
paugh and the two white elephants, the
current year presents a most gloomy
outlook for the adjective department of
Webster's Unabridged.
Said a conscientious auctioneer:
Ladies and gentlemen, there is no
sham about the carpets. They are gen.
uine tapestry carpets. l bought them
of old Tapestry himself"
stMusic," said DR.. johnson, lis the
least disagreeable of all noises" The
learned Doctor did not know every
thing. He never lived next door to
cornet amateur or a piano-banging
young lady.
Perhaps no man was ever more dis
turbed by trifie than the reporter
who, concerning the appearance of the
belle of town at q picnic, intended to
say .she looked au fait." and found
the types had it s'she looked all feet"
At church sociabie at Goshen, Mo-,
Miss DeLand has been voted the pref
test woman in the place and Miss Day
might have been concluded by singing
the hymns, There's De Land that is
fairer than Day. "-RocheSter Post-Er-
press.
The papers are telling of a lawyer
who heard Macbeth rehearsed, and
was struck'by the answer of the witches
when asked what they were doing: "a
deed without name" why, that's
void" exclaimed the lawyer, "rl
bust a deed without a name in any
court in Christendom.
"Supe, supe," yelled the gallery
gods, as supernumerary appeared
between the acts and began jerking up
the carpet. The super, an unusually
bright specimen, quickly replied:
'Well, you do look hungry. Guess the
soup societies must be shut up" The
calls suddenly subsidized. philadelphia
Call.
"This pail bought of you last week."
said q customer to Deacon Gilpin
..leaked like sin the first time | put
water into it. p" ''You amt been put
ting water in that pail, have you?"
'tWhy, yes" That's what's the mat
ter. If you'd kept flour in that pail
you wouldn't had any trouble. Mar
athOn independent.
A writer on the subject of whales
says: "As has already been pointed
out, there are many points in the struc-
tural organization of the cetacean WIS.,
cera far more like those of the ungulates
than the carnivores. Why would not
this be good subject for our Winter
debating societies?--Ne1O York Com
mercial advertiser.
We often see in an illustrated journal
a splotch OF black and white called "a
| Study 1t is thus called because it re-
quires several days study to determine
whether the top or the bottom of the
cut has got uppermost, and the concfu-
sion generally reached is that the artist
was wrestling with the delirium ire
mems when he drew the thing.-Norris-
| torn Herald.
A funny young man asked his love
the other day: ''What's the difference
| between me and female sheepP" and
when his love gave it up, the funny
young man said: why, just the same
difference as there is between eve and
me-" Unfortunately, his love didn't
| see the joke. and now the funny man is
ventilating his ewemor otherwhere.-
Harvard Lampo0n,
Give me Il telephone cigar" said
Hon. Thomas Warner, yesterday, as
he stepped up to the stand at Pat
Murphy's. What kind of a cigar is
that?" inquired the unsuspicious Pat.
Lone of the kind that you smoke in
New York, and they can smell in
Brooklyn" was the answer. Hon.
| Thomas was carried out of New street
in an ambulance. = Val Street Ne0s.
A tramp rang the bell of an uptown
fiat and the Irish servant responded
through the speaking-tube: ''Who is it,
and phwat d'yees want?'' xviii yer
| pleeze give poor fellar drink Of
coffee?" called back the tramp pathet-
| ically. 'tPut your mouth to the thrum-
pet, responded Bridget, land FL
| pour We down drink" The tramp
did not reply, but departed in disgust.
-Nelo York Tribune.
There is tradition of Cunard cap
tain of years ago who, in his off-days,
prided himself on his curt replies to
inquiries. A lady on his ship asked
him civil question one day, when he
was especially cross. Don't trouble
me, ma'am, was the response, $50
ask the cook; perhaps he'll tell you.
Excuse me-" she said, Instantly, Il
supposed you were the cook when l adj
dressed you" The captain was polite
the rest of the trip.
An observant young nan while in
Florida, was struck with the human
like courtship of the heron. The fe-
males stand in row and look uncon-
cerned, while the males strut and dance
| and prance around on the sand like
Sarafopa 1uIac Finally ono of tho