The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-01-25
A FURRY in Real Estate.

| rlurry III Real EStates
I'm afloat! I'm afloat on a wide,
rolling sea! I'm rustling and n roll
ing round for bloodr' shouted an excited
Individual, tearing into a dry-goods
store, and upsetting half dozen rolls
of ingram carpet; "what want is gore,
pure, genuine, unauthorized gore
b-e-lloOd!" and glaring at the proprie-
tor he made vicious lick at one of the
clerks. who Immediately crawled under
the counter and laid down.
'.Why, what is the matter with you?'
inquired the merchant, growing pale
and trembling.
"You know me, don't you?" said the
man, tiercely.
go, yes: YOU are Mr.. Bodkin."
Eyes, Pm Bodkin. and I'm Oh the
war-path. I've got my red paint and
feathers on. You know my business,
too, suppose-cOme out of that hole
under the counter and Ill feed your
flesh to the fowls of the air.
This last invocation was addressed to
the clerk, who was curled up under a
bolt of standard A sheeting, and CULVER
ing.
"You are Bodkin, the, real-estate
agent" said the merchant. Practically.
That's me. You have guessed the
conun rum. I'm a real-estate agent,
and I'm all on fire inwardly, though
calm on the exterior. You see that
am calm, do you not? But it is only
the calmness which precedes the hurri-
cane. It's q weather BREEDER" and
Mr.. Bodkin clutched at the counter and
ground his teeth like a planning mill.
''Why are YOU thus pertur5ed?"
"Perturbed9 Yes, that good. Per-
turbed is excellent. Haven't l always
been friend to this town."
20. yes; you have always been that,
Haven't been a quiet, orderly. en-
terprising citizen, pushing ahead the
interests of the town, and endeavorin9
to promote the welfare of all the resi-
dents, and at the same time make lit
tie money for MYSELF"
30, yes, but what is the difficulty
now?'
Pm in the real-estate business,
amt I?''
Yes"
Haven't tried to boom my proper
ty. and your property, and the property
of all the rest Of the people? Haven't
l lived to see the price of town lots GO
up from seventy-fire cents and COON
skin to 90 for inside lots and $1,000
for corners?"
90, yes. Is there any depression"
"Well, / should smile. Depression
is no word for it. That's too mild.
Why, the bottom is Knocked clean out
of it, and all kinds of real estate is on
the tumble. Your property and mine
won't be worth two cents on the dollar
by Saturday light if this thing is al
lowed to go on"
''What thing?'
"Hey?'
What thing are you speaking OFF"
Grassland mania. just give me a
chance at that oiled and anointed, dude
clerk of yours and I'll mop him out Of
all signs of recognition" and Mr.. Bod
Kin leaned over the counter and grabbed
for him.
"What has my clerk got to do with
it?"
"He's the leader of it. They are not
only organizing brass band right here
in the center of civilization. prosperity
and peace, but they are actually adver-
Using the hideous fact to outside parties,
and keeping folks out of town. Only
yesterday two good customers wired me
that they had heard of il. and three
good trades were busted accord ngly.
See here" and Mr.. Bodkin pulled out
\ copy of the local paper; ..let me read
you this:
1.-THE new instruments for the band
arrived last night, and the boys will
commence prac;icing next week
''And here tits again:
Three new members have Joined the
band. One of them can play three
hours at once
"And again:
1.-THE band boys have rented the
hall next to Bodkin's village property,
and will practice there every other
night
But the meanest fling vet is this:
1.-The band boys propose to meet the
excursion train which is to bring a lot
of land seekers and prospective resi-
dents OF this town and give them SER
enade. The boys will look rich in
their new uniforms and loom up like
six bits
''NOw, what in-Ab, you would,
would you?"
Mr.. Bodkin here made dash for the
clerk who was trying to sneak down the
alley-way behind the counter, and
caught him by the rear elevation of his
cut-away. Derby. The teeth of the OBJ
noxious band leader ratified like split
peas in an oyster can, and had not the
force of the store suddenly formed them
selves into a hollow square and charged
down on MIR. Bodkin en- masSe. it is
quite probable that the light of that
musical genius would have gone out
forever to become a lost-star in the
armament of medley.-1eras Sttttn9s.