National Republican., 1884-04-04
OSCILLATION MULTIPLIED.
The Recipient Of a Hundred Thousand Kisses
Interviewed Briefly.
An Experience That Borders on the Ex'
tremeIy Wonderful.

The twin Bibles in the police court wero
reposing quietly in the rack attached to the
witness stand of that temple.like apartment
when REPUBLICAN reporter entered yester-
day. They had been companions in tho rack
for five long years, and the brass edges that
surround their soiled faces had been worn
entirely of in some places and made quite
thin in others. The leaves on which wero
recorded the doings of Job, Solomon, and
Moses were rs disconnected as the memory Of
q crank, and were held together by rubber
bands. During their five years service they
have been kissed nearly 100000 times.
The reporter addressed the most oxperi-
enced looking volume of the two, with thoc
remark Anything new to-dayp
NO. was the reply in solemn accents
same old hum-drum-the truth and nothing
but the truth"
"You must be very able kisscr by this
timo?" continued the reporter, casting his or
eye cynically at the calf skin cover, which
looked rs though it had been struck by
flash Of CREASED lightning"
"Woll, slightly" replied the book through
its blackened exterior. 81 am kissed every
day by not less than fifty people. The first
person this morning to get in her osculatory
work on me was colored female. She was
charged with vagrancy, and had evidently
been indulging in spring onion tops from
buluC VOL utdp anu very Dhl WnlSkN. I1bT
kiss was very sudden, and reminded me of a
thunder clap in spring. When Baiiff Barton
said, Kiss the book she kissed me
with vengeance, and the strong
odor and powerful conclusion almost over
camo mo. l have been kissed by all classes
of criminals. Murderers, drunks, disorder
lies, thieves, vags, and innocent girls and
boys who have been dragged into this cess
pool of crime by unfortunate circumstances.
Thero was another person who kissed me this
morning and left an impression on my mind
and face as well. He was what old man Bar
ton terms gutter-snipe. Other people speak
of him as confirmed drunkard or vagrant.
The old follow looked as though he was
afraid of soap and water and acted just like
man would who had tho contract
to destroy all the bad whisky
in the world. Ho would make first.olass
model for statue of tho frightful example,
and venture to say that almost any temper
ance society would pay him big money to
pose for it. When told to kiss the book he
did SO. That is to say, he opened his cav
ernous mouth, and, after breathing tho
strong alcoholic vaporings of his diseased in
terror on my much-abused countenance, he
applied both of his lips to my shrinking face.
1t is unnecessary to add that the shock over
came me-
Il had barely recovered from tho effects Of
the shock" continued the book, before the
JuuBS bblu anu Ln0 AlCOnOIf
soaked individual staggered back in the dock.
Paddy JONES' roared Bsiliff Barton, and the
summons was answered by.a greasy and
buxom colored woman, with pair of lips
that reminded me of a beef liver split in tho
middle. The sight of those lips almost stag
gered me, and when she blinked her eyes and
wriggled her opening preparatory to kissing
mo recoiled in horror. When she did kiss
me she left large quantity of saliva
on my face. Those are only
few cases. l could cite hundreds. No
wonder nice people don't want to kiss mo.
l am badly used book and would almost OBJ
ject to kissing my own face. There arc sew
eral soap fat men in town who have had
their eyes on me and my twin. We are
Bibles, it is true, but there is grease enough
on our faces to make considerable ham-fat or
oleomargarine."
At this jnncture the janitor entered and
began to wipe off the faces Of the Bibles with
greasy cloth. The reporter took advantage
of tho opportunity and made his exit.