Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1884-12-27
CHRISTMAS WAITS AND STRAYS
A BATCH OF HOLIDAY HUMoR GATHERED IN
FROM ALI, QUARTERS.

! FROM ALL QUARTERS.
| A GREEN Christmas makes lean liveryman.
CHRISTMAS PREsENT-The one just at hand.
A PLEASANT salute-the boughs of the Christ
mas tree.
DRESSING Christmas tree cannot make it
| look any more spruce.
CAPITAL presents for Christmas or any other
| tlme-Presence OF mind.
''Gor anything for Christmas presently"
asked Plumbottle of Dolby. Yes" what"
'.Got left
If the children ask how Santa Claus got
down the chimney, tell them he hue down in
his winter SCOT.
Now THAT Christmas is approaching, it is q
good time for young men to watch the girl.
| Let 1t be gold WATCH however.
| DIR. HOLMES once said, indeed, that Chris
tianity is the flag under which nations sail,
| not the rudder by which they steer.
| THIS is the time of the year at which man
| gives his wife money in order that he may be
surprised with Christmas present.
HAVE faith in Santa Claus, and hang up
| your stocking. He has never been known to.
steal one, even if he didn't put anything in it..
NAME clause in our National Constitu-
| ton, said teacher just before Christmas.
Santa Claus y shouted a happy-eyed urchin.
'|IF old Santa Claus comes down the Chin
| ney he must be a sooty fellow, said Tommy.
"Well he just suits me, anyway" chimed in
Charlie.
A LITTLE Brooklynite, on hearing her father
read Mexican history about Santa Anna sud-
denly exclaimed: "Oh, papa is Santa Anna the
wife of Santa Claus?'
''SAY, sis, does Sandy Claws fetch the
snow p Guess he does, Johnny % "No he
DON'T neither," "Why don't hep" because
he always fetches the reindeer"
| In buying Christmas presents, it is better for
your peace of mind to take the first thing that
strikes your fancy, rather than to look atsome-
thing else. To hesitate is to be lost
THERE are lots of men in this country mean
enough to put off upon the wife, who expects
| a seal skin sacque for Christmas, cheap ring
ornamented with glass-house diamond.
On Christmas Day the happy urchin Of two.
will roll around on the nursery floor, and break
the yellow legs off the purple camel, and get
sick from chewing too hard on his green head.
IT Is now that the business man begins to
practice writing 1885, in place of ''18S4'
hoping to become proficient enough to guard
against profanity for insulating letters after
January first.
IT was a Christmas Eve and they had been
propounding conundrums. why are you
like the Christmas tree?" queried she. "Be-
cause tbs ever green, suppose "Oh no; it's
because you look SO spruce !"
Your wife hnstles out of the room when you
come home and hastily brushes her dress. You
| find scraps of zephyr or pieces OF cloth on the
| floor You don't know what it means-but you
| will Christmas morning.
EVERY Chicago girl will hang up her stock
| ing this wear, as heretofore-and she will be
ready to accept anything you may place within
it-from a brown stone front to parlor grand
or $500 solitaire finger ring.
The current catch is to ask your friend if
Christmas and New Years come in the same
year. Not few people will promptly answer,
srNo, of course they don't' and half minute
later they feel sick over their own mental
weakness. ..
AFTER Santa Claus had put cabinet organ,
| a seal skin sacque, a lap robe, box OF gloves
aid Webster's Unabridged Dictionary in q
Chicago girls stocking, and saw that it wasn't
more than half full, he was seen to climb out
on the roof Sit down in the snow and weep
bitterly. .r.
THE man who presented his wife last Christ
mas with dinner-kettle III which to pnt up
his dinner on Work-day mornings ID puzzled to
determine what gift would be most appropriate
this year He has almost decided upon q
briar-wood pipe for his wife to fill for him
during future hours of recreation at home.
WHEN young man of Japan falls in love
with an Acknowledged beauty he ties a branch
of mistletoe to the door Of her house. If such
d custom were in vogue in this country every
house in town that contains q manageable
daughter or two would look as if it was getting
ready to decorate for the festive Christmas
holidays.
Your washerwoman should receive Christ
mas card. Nothing will brighten an humble
home like a Christmas card. They can be pur-
chased this year for one cent, which price
brings them within the reach OF the poor and
lowly as well as the high and mighty. Another
very nice present for your washerwoman and
one that she will appreciate, is to pay her what
you owe her.
CHARLEY wanted to give Clara Christmas
present, but couldn't make up his mind what
it should be; so the next time he called he
frankly told her the difficulty under which he
was laboring want to make me present,
) Charley y Clara exclaimed in well-disguised
establishment. why, Charley, you forget
yourself Charley took the hint and offered
himself on the spot.
THE time of year has arrived when the sly
husband is seen to enter the house softly with
parcel concealed under his coat, and the Curl
osity of his wife is SO great to discover what
she will get for her Christmas that the next
day, when her husband is away from home,
she cautiously creeps to his closet to painfully
discover that the mysterious parcel was moth
ing but pair of her husbands summer pants
which he had Just brought from the dyer's.