Connecticut western news., 1884-06-25
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WIT AND WISDOM.
TIE court room-The front parlor.
 Coop adyice for the better-Bett tte

TIE court room-Ihe front pnrlor.
 Coop ndvice for the better-Bctter quit
 A HARROW has no trouble cutting its teeth.
 BE praised not for your ancestors but for your virtues.
 Tm deeper you hide anything tho sooner you find it.
 ASK pig to dinner and he will put his feet on the table.
 NEVER take a crooked path when you can sec a straight ono.
 DISEASE comes in by hundred weights and goes out by ounces.
 FEAR not the threats of the great, but rnthor the tears of the poor.
 EVERY individual must make his own choice between good and evil.
 PRovE yourself grateful. A grateful heart can never bs wicked heart.
 BETTER a soft heart and m iron hand, than an iron heart aud n soft hand.
 IN order to enjoy the present, it is necessary to be intent on the prosent.
 HE that will lose his friend for jest deserves to die beggar by the bargain. TIE summer may bc warm ono, but the faIl is to be very cold for tho--- party.
 THE things which VIC enjoy are pnss. ing, and we are passing who enjoy them.
 BULwER was right there's no such word as fail. It is modified into assign ment.
 WHEN did George Washington take his first ride? When he took hack at the cherry tree
 A LOWELL girl who was asked if she ever had tho mumps said "Yes; thnt is, had one mump."
 TnE complexion of the Japanese is described as "n compromiso between old gold and a brass kettle"
 wHY does q man dress up las wife for other men Co run alter nnd then havo the tradesmon running after him2
 You've men who ride bicycles bavo had a convention recently. Those who wheel wheelbarrows wcro not invited.
 HENS may be little backward on eggs, but they never fail Co come to the scratch where flower beds are concerned.
 NEVER call a man fool, my son; ii ho isn't already convinced of the tact he will not be likely to take your word for it.
 "WELL, my young gentleman, and how would you like your hair cut2" "oh, like papa's, please-with a little round hole at the top"
 As THEY passed a gentleman whose optics we're terribly on the bias, little Dot murmurod, "Ma, he's got one eye that don't go."
 "IT ANT de pusson whuttakes do bath de oitenes' dat is the cleanes'. De duck washes ofiener don do rooster, yit he's nllus got mo dirt on him."
 "YEs, INDEED, she's n daisy, remarked young broker, discussing the charms of certain young lady. "She dazos you apparently" replied his friond.
 A sHoPKEEPER, having a stormy dis. cussion with his better half. put tho shutters up and affixed the following notice: "Closed during allorcations. !"
 AMONG some of the African tribes brides on their wedding day have their front teeth extracted. The bridegrooms know a thing or two if they arc sayagcs.
 AN Iowa farmer has equipped his eleven children with n French harp apiece, and the real estate agents wonder why they can't sell any land in that township.
 A SEWING machine agent was recently attacked by catamount near Milford. Del. Strange as it may appear tho cat. amount escaped without buying one of tho machines.
 AN EXCHANGE says: "Don't borrow trouble" No, don't; but if you are tempted to borrow trouble, borrow it from a friend, and do him the kindness not to return 1t.
 "Ou, mamma, mamma !" said little girl the other day, as she saw chicken without any feathers in her tail. "see dat ole hen She has losted de ribbons out of her polonaise,"
 A WOMAN in Germantown, Pa, has just deserted her husband because he plays the trombone Some men desert their wives on account of too much play ing on the iawbone.
 A FEW tacks scattered iudiciously on the stairs have been known to break up the practice some husbands have ot pulling oif their boots in the hallway when they como home late at night
 TIE Shah of Persia smokes a pipe valued at sl00, GOO. We may expect to hear at any time that the bank of which the Shah is president has failed for s2, ,OO0, GOO or g, GOO, 900. .-Norristo'en Herald.
 "MmKMAE, milkman, tell me true; dc you put in indigo to make your milk blueY Nay" quoth the poetic milk man, 'indccd I say no lie; 'tis tho re' fection in the water of the pale blut sky"
 Gmbs, if you do wed, marry strong man. Just think how nice it will be to have husband who comes mp from tho cellar with n wash tub in each nrm and n piled mp scutte suspended from hts teeth.
 ANGELICA (at a lecture)-"How rud' of that couple to go out. Algernon [ Agernon Balancing toward the doo with a sigh that signifies he thinks th' , | lacturo n bnraN-HYea but how happy