The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-05-01
HUMOR.

a MEDICAL writer says that girls are
so constructed that they cannot Jump.
Just make one of them an offer Of mar
rage and see.
A BAND of Italians brigands captured
q duke recently and neld him for thirty
days. Any American heiress can do
that, and hold him longer.
A LADY and gentleman accidentally
touched each others feet under the TIA
bic. Secret biography" said he.
Communion of soles, said she.
A READY-MADE rejoiEder: He-"You
made fool of me when married you
ma'am." She-"Lorl you always told
me you were q self-made mani"
SOME one Intercepted little George
in regard to his sisters betrothed.
"How old is hep" Il don't know?"
as he young?' "Yes he has no hair
yet"
A BALTIMORE man killed himself be-
cause his wife would not support him.
1t beats thunder how lazy some women
are getting to be NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Independent.
mo, LOVE-" he said, 81 cannot afford
to take you sleighing, but I'll do the
next best thing. Come down to the
store any day and I'll let you see me
shoot rat"
A NEWMAN man is trying to out-talk
his mother-in-law. At last accounts
the young man had talked his head of,
and his left year was still working up
and down.-Ne,0man Independent.
How DO you extract the cube rootI"
asked the school teacher of the son of a
dentist, who had been assisting his
father. Extract the cube root? Just
trot out your cubic tooth, and I'll ex-
tract the root in three shakes of
sleeps tail. "-Teras SVtingS.
Il AM choost as full ash bag of
-four" remarked an inebriate to a sober
friend. There is difference between
you and sack of flour, however"
"Whas ish difference?" when sack
is full it can stand up, but when you
are full you can't even lie down on the
ground without holding on. "-Ieras
SVtingS.
HOSTESS (to gentleman her husband
has brought home to dinncre How well
you speak English, Mr.. -" Mr..
- (not understanding)-"Yes, L
ought to-" Hostess-"But you speak
it remarkably we'll" Mr.. =, L
ought l have lived here all my life
In fact, was born in New York"
Hostess-"Why, how strange! / am
sure my husband told me you were
Bohemian. "-Ne,c York Life.
A MEDICAL journal states that the
average Chinese baby weighs but five
pounds. The journal did not state
whether the Chinese baby's capacity for
squalling was less, in proportion to
weight, than that of any other baby, but
If they howl in the Chinese language
as loud as the American kid does in the
United States language. how the poor
mother must suffer. If any one has
ever heard two Cinnamon holding a
convention in their native tongue, they
can readily see that child who is just
learning to lisp few syllables in the
Chinese language would make Rome
howl.-Peck's Sun.
Mrs. MULoAHy- Good marnin. Mrs.
O'Hollihan-Good marnin', Mrs. Null
cahy Mrs. Mulcahy-An' how's the
ould man, Mrs. OHollihan? Mrs.
O'Hollihan-Och, purity well, thankee,
Mrs. Mulcahy, but drunk agin last
night though. Mrs. Mulcahy-Och,
dear, dear, the poor man! Mrs. O'Holli-
han-Did you hear the news abont the
increase in Mrs. McCarthy's family,
Mrs. Mulcahy? Mrs. Mulcahy-Oi
did not. Was it bye or gurrul
Mrs. O'Hollihan-'Twaz nayther. Mrs.
Neutrality-suspicious.? Mrs. O'Hollihan
-Nayther, 'twuz twins. Mrs. Mulcahy
Wull, wull, wull. - San Francisco
! Post