Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-02-05
BRIGHT BITS.

STOCKS and bonds are called securities,
but that doesn't make them such.-L0a0e"
Courier.
WE should like to record the funeral obse-
uuies" of the scribe who persists IN Wrltlhg
about a ''widOw woman
SHAKESPEARE said: There's good in
everything" William evidently had never
tackled a railroad restaurant turnover
MRS. PRATT says in poem that the only
happy woman is a dead woman, Don't see
how that can be-dead women can't talk.
A BURLINGTON mother has miraculously
cured her Youngest hopeful of smoking by the
laying on Of hands.-Burlingtoh Free Press.
THE Star of Empire may be working its
way westward for all we know, but the wise
men of the East are not following lt.-Fh@a-
delphtd CAL.
"DID you put it in with tacks or putty
asked a merchant traveller for Plttsburg
glass house, as he gaZed, in an absent -mlnueu
way, at the hotel clerks diamond.-MerchdRs
Trdseler.
NOTING that twins had Just happened to a
deaf-mute couple in Michigan, the Boston
Post remarks: "Nature occasionally realizes
the fitness of things. Two yelling won't dls-
turb that pair any more than one.'
TO EMPTY theatre in case of fire, the drop
should be lowered. All the men Will rush out
by force Of habit, and the women VIII SIT sun
as Is usual IN such cases, ana n panic VIII ~
prevented This suggestion is freely offered
for what it is wOrth.-B0ston transcript.
CURRENT writer aflirms that women
always Jump at conclusions. lie Is right we
have seen 'em jump as if they had been shOt
at the conclusion of sermon or lecture. 1ou
see their thoughts had been wandering, and
they didn't know exactly where they were
Burlington Free Press.
''YOU gave my wife the wrong medicine
exclaimed man, entering drug store. Il
hope no harm has resulted" replied the drug
trIe g.. IT,.
GLOW do you know it was the wrong medl-
cine?" ivy, because it helped her imme-
diately. rkGRSd1C 2rdgeter.
AZ effort is being made in New York to
have church bells silenced. A man who at
tends a dog fight or smuggling match on Satur-
day night. and doesn't get into bed until ,
o'clock Sunday morning, naturally dlsllkes TO
have his slumberS disturbed by the changing
Of a church bell a few hours later.-N0rrtS-
t0lcn Herad.
YOUNG Simpson Ito the lovely Felicia, as
they stand on the piazza in the moOnhght);
"Miss Felicia, this world looks so dreary anu
lonely TO me. | feel as though no one loves
me-" Felicia Qn sympathetic tone); "Oh,
Mr.. Simpson, God loves YOU" simpson, after
Il thoughtful pause. suggests they go in, as 1t
is growing chilly."-Lge.
\ LITTLE BOY at a Presbytery examination
was asked, "What is the meaning of regener-
ation:n "Oh, to be born again." he replied:
Quite right, Tommy; You're a very 5000
y
Tommy hesitated, but on being pressed for an
answer, he said mo" ''Why, Tomme?"
For fear l might be born lassie" he re-
piled.
"WHAT has become of Miss Blank, who was
such favorte in your set?" Her father
failed a few weeks ago, and all they had was
sold by the Sheriff." ''Poor thing!' "And
now they have to live in a little rented house
down town" "What a changei How she
must griever ''Ges, she is so much changed
that even her best friends would not recognize
her. | met her on the street to-day and did
not know her at all, poor thing"
WHY He STOPPED.-''Why have you discon-
tinued the publication of your paper?' was
asked of the editor of the Weekly -HOHth- Piece.
''Weu. you see, several weeks ago was taken
sick and was compelled to miss an issue.
Afterward, in looking over my books, l dis
covered that had made more on the number
that | didn't issue than on any number that
issued. so | thought if that's the way the news
paper business had turned l would fall in line
and fight it out. - rkdnSdto TrdgeIer.