The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-02-08
;, DEER LODGE, MONTANA, FEBRUARY 8, 1884,
WHY WE LAUGH.

Crusoe's "Friday" must have been week
man.
"Soled again but yet we'll heeled, said the
shoe As 1t left the repairer.
Will cotton gins or iron punches intoxi
csteS Apunch in(side) the ribs sometimes
will.
The coal dealers complain that trade il
very dull. Editors are using Christmas and
New Year poetry for fuel.
An exchange remarks with mors truth
than IL intended, "Mr. B. Is in danger; his
physician has been called In"
We have never been able to feel altogether
good toward old man Noah for taking the
bed bug, male and female, into the ark.
The small boy who hangs around the par.
lor and makes faces at his sisters beau
should be punished for contempt Of court.
aAnd the cloud welded the shade w." sings
Q poet. From which 1t would appear that
the bard had just returned from . negro
wedding.
A Boston girl fell in love with a gray.
haired old man, and some Of her acquaint-
ances were mean enough to say that she had
got the antique craze.
A lawyer who died recently left the great
or part Of his money to the asylum for idiots
and lunatics. He said the money ought to
20 to the classes from whom he received
A Mississippi widow has recently received
$l5, 900 from the lodges of which her hus.
band Is Q member. Cut this out and paste
1t on your nose when you come home very
late.
81 don't object to Goldfish IS al occasional
luxury" remarked Mr.. Oldboarder at break
fast, "but for steady feed it's altogether toe
briny for my blood" But the landlady told
him he was too fresh.
Henry James says Turgenief "used to
blush like boy of 49," Indeed! We should
like to see an American boy Of 16 blush, just
once. It would be worth travelling far tc
see.-Hartford Post.
An Erie horse yesterday not only bit hi
drivers nose of, but ate 1t up as II 1t was hi.
favorite food. This Is sort Of equine in
depreciation of Captain Cuttle's. .'Wber
found, make an oat Of it."-Pittsburg TEL
egrdph.
Spring bottom pants are now In fashion
They enable the unsuspecting young man To
spring out of danger the moment Q lady o.
uncertain age leaps in his direction. Thii
will take half the horrors out Of leap year.
Peck's Sun.
There was 3 man, once Oh . time, who
thought him wondrous wise, he swore by al
the fabled gods he'd never advertise. Blu
his goods were advertised ere long, and
"thereby hangs tale;;" the "sd" was set II
nonpareil and headed "Sherif's Sale."-
Chronicle.
81 would rather be right than be Presi
DENT" said Henry Clay, and President Ar
thur, since ascertaining the tone of the pres
OH his attitude on the Mormon question
murmurs, as he contemplates himself In hi
looking glass, at Is nice to be both. Som
erriUe Journal.
The two greatest boons given TO suffering
humanity during the last century are chloro
form and the instantaneous process of tax
| ing photographs. The first allows of liml
being amputated without the patient feelin
| Il and the second of O woman having he
picture taken without holding her jaw still
more than half second.
When any one dies they ask in France
allow old was hep" In Germany, "Whs
complaint did he die of?" In America the
say, "a good thing he Is dead at last P" Ii
Italy, "Poor fellow !" In Russia, "He doe
not need to work any more; he is we'll of!
In Holland they ask, "How much money ha
he left ?" and in England, "Was he IL
sured ?"
| One more unfortunate! Mamma "a wido,
of considerable personal attractions ii wan
to sell you something, Tommy. You ss,
that gentleman talking to grsndmsmma Il
the other room? Well, he Is going to b
your new papa. Mammals going to MARI
him! Tommy (who recollects something O
the life his old papa used to lead)-.D-d doe
he know 1t yet, mamma?-Pumch.
"He began life young" remarks writer
eminence. That's the way With most of Vi
We begin life young. II We could begin lii
old, We might be able to avoid the pain q
teethlng, the danger of measles and other III
to which infant flesh Is heir. But 1t seen
to be nece ssary that We should begin III
young. Somehow, there Is no getting owe
it.-Someruiile Journal.
Senator Vance tells the story of q viii,
man tried in North Carolina for stealth
chickens from . negro before jury compos
| a
was made foreman, and when the jury cam
Q verdict ?" ayes, sah." "What is II I!
f"De jury am gone Democratic, sab, and d
prisoner am not guilty"
A Chicago dude was thrown out of sec
ond story window recently under the follow
ing circumstances: The members of Il
company were putting conundrums whe
one Of them asked: "Who are the sveetei
girls In the United States ?" s1The Missou
girls" answered the dude. "Why ?" aske
the crowd. because they are Mo-lasses
explained the dude. Thereupon they seize
the scoffer and launched him.
WHICH WAY WILL IT JUMP?
There is wishing here, and wondering ther
A portion of hope and bit Of despair,
And some are fretting, and some don't car
And some are cursing and tearing their hal
And all of them wonder when and where
The free trade cart It's load will dump,
And how the free-trade cat will jump.
The bran new Congress caucus machine,
As good Of Its kind rs ever was seen,
Has milled its ore remarkably clean,
With stamps, tail race, amalgam and screer
But no bystaDder was half so green
As to say IL worked with no jolt or BUM
| ucH TIC tfcc bItuc Cas picpafou W jun
: Will It jump at the new moon, or wait f
the full?
Whose face will 1t scratch, whose hair viii
pull?
Will It prove bear, or become bull?
Will 1t fall upon iron, or drop upon wool?
Will It's teeth and claws be sharp or dull
WheE down it comes with q terrib
tEump,
And the free trade cat has made its jump
Republicans watch with greenish eyes
Prepared to raise the old campaign cries,
And start again the old campaign lies,
While others question and yainly surmise,
And doubt and wonder, with smiles and sigh
If the truth will be manifest, plain ~
plump,
When the free trade cat is ready to jumI
-S0mwel j. Rdndd
Little Johnny's Natural History,
Free Press
A ole cat she had two klttns, one wa