Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-06-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

VI the keYhole. --PLc5.
Mormons ought to be good livers. a,
they generally have plenty of ''sparo
vib. ~ GOuCerneur Herald.
"Another expedition to the pole, said
the man as he wended his way to thu
Narber shop.--Saturday Night.
A spring house is house with spring
in it, and spring bonnet is usually
worn above a waterfall. - Bismarck
Tribune.
1t seems queer, but it is true, that the
stuff that makes man tight frequently
loosens his tongue. -PhiIadoLphia Cbroni
ele-HeraM.
A war-horse is always spoken of as
heavy charger, and yet we never hear of
a tailor being called q war-horse.-
POebland> Courier.
"Oh, mamma, said little Paul, when
the new baby was shown him for the first
time, "can l wear babys dresses when ]
grow tall enoughW-Philadelphia Call.
1t is said that the size of mems pants
is to be increased. Even at that they
will be nothing to the sighs of the fel.
low who can't get a new pair,--Bo8tor
Star.
A gossipping exchange reveals the Sc.
cret that there are $4,000 more women
than men in Boston. The Hub is evi.
IDENTIFY hard up for felloes. .-BurljngtOr
free Press
They don't say in Boston now, "I got
the cart before the horse, y but 81 placed
the articulated circumlocutory vehicle i'll
precedence of the quadrupedal verte.
Srate. - Washington Hatchet.
1t should be said, in justice to the
father of his country, that the New Jer-
sey centenarian whom George Washing
ton is said to have kissed did not look
then as she does now.--Nel0 York Graphic
A young poetess says she "told her Sc.
cret to the sweet wild roses" She was
very imprudent. When the sweet wild
roses "blow," she will wish she had kept
her secret to herself -N0rriSt0eOn Herald.
The BZizzard dazzled by the reports Of
the splendor and style which the emperor
of Japan puts on, is led to believe that he
keeps a housekceper and two girls. Ay,
man, and we heard that he has pie every
Say.--Haokoye.
"Have you heard from Smith ?" 'No.
What about him 2' "Why, they say he's
lying at deaths door" "Indeed. Well,
that merely shows the truth of the prov
erb that the ruling passion is strong even
in death. n---BL 'sgard.
"I've raised four children chiefly on
bread and butter" said a mother to a
companion while slipping tea together.
"Well, if twas as strong as this butter
do not see why you shouldn't raise
them," was the caustic reply.--States-
QIdn.
At the stock exchange: 'My dear boy,
the business world is divided into camps,
the gamblers and the spectators. ~
don't exactly see the difference" "It's
very simple, The speculator is one who
gains. When man loses he is only
gambler l"-French Vat.
l." Its the early bird my boy, that gets
the worn," remarked father to his son
who was late 10 breakfast. "Well, sup
pose the worm don't come around how's
the bird to get it?" The father remarked
something about smart Alccks and
dropped the subject. --Pec&'S San.
~ don't think I'm cranky" said
dudish young follow. "but when l go
out with my dog, and hear man
whistle and l look around, and he says
he was whistling at the old dog and not
the puppy, l think it was time was as
Serting my rights "-Meruhant- 7rapeler
Soon will the merry picnic days
In season roll around,
When, to escape the suns fierce rays,
Wen seek the shaded ground,
Where ants have u peculiar linacl1
OF wandering from their bed
And marching up fellows back
With a slow and measured tread.
--BiSmdrck Tribune.
An honest merchant, doing poor bus
iness, concluded to pay his debts and re-
tire. Some time afterward a friend he
had not seen for long time met him,
and they were talking over thciY affairs.
care you in business now?" he asked.
'No, l quit some time ago and am poor. I"
''You did not fail, did youm ''Oh, no,
and that's why l am so hard up now."-
Merchant Zrareler.
"You needn't be so n.y." said the new
boarder to the pretty waitress. Eyes
terday you poured soup down my back,
and tonight you tipped one of my bis
cults up my sleeve, and the other is so
small it looks lonesome "Well, YOU
are partic'lar, " said the pretty waitress,
combing out her best bangs with jew
eled fingers. "You'll want butter in
your oleomargarine next, and fish balls
twice week. Beefstewmuttonrag
outcornmushandmilk p She had the
1l,rA r..1,rl Dat...,t H.. D,snn