The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-11-13
WIT AND HUMOR.

Inc girls can wear d Jersey anu
Mother Hubbard at the same time.
An Indiana school-teacher arrested 3
man for kissing her without permission.
Verdict-Not guilty on account of in
sanity.
A young lady who was blamed for
allowing her glove to be discovered in
4 young mans pocket stated that she
had no hand in it.
The half dollar of 1925 is not rare, T"
says Philadelphia authority. Indeed,
40. 1t is the half dollar of 1884 that is
-Courter-Jburnal.
A horse hung itself in Jersey City
Wednesday. Il was probably jealous
If the coacEman's attention to the
young ladies OF the family.
Several young girls have been APP
pointed station agents in Minnesota,
and engineers are keeping a sharp
ookout for misplaced switches.
do cats think?" queries a writer.
Yes, they sometimes think the man in
the window with the night-cap on is
mighty poor shot with a bootjack.
A little boy complained to his mother
that the teacher couldn't remember his
name. when she speaks to me-" he
says, ''she always calls me Silence"
A Detroit man is writing about kisses
n literature. There cannot, however,
be much more kissing in literature I'M
Til more ladies shall be put upon the
editorial staff.
1t has been discovered that accord
81
era. This fact makes it all the more
remarkable that Christian era should
have ever arrived. -NorriStoDn Herald.
Captain! Captainr' cried the nerv-
Gus traveller, 1.-The vessel is sinking;
I'm sure it is Calm yourself, my
dear SIR replied the Captain, I'VE
have large insurance on the cargo"
lis land high in Vermont" asked a
Speculation of an old Green Mountain
farmer. you just bet it isr' was the
reply. "If the trees want so stunted
the clouds couldn't get by at al!''-
Burlington Free Press.
s'Oh, do so dote on the sea-" she
gurgled. IF you only had a yacht,
Augustus dear!'' II have no yacht,
Wilhelmina." he sighed, ''but / can
give you little smack" And then it
sounded as if cork had blown out of
bottle.
Very big boy-'.Please, Miss Blank
don't think father would like to have
me kept in after school," Pretty
young teacher-"Why not, if he knows
it is for breaking the rules?'' Big boy
this is leap year, you know" She
let him off.
A new book is entitled "Short Say
ings of great men," When are we
to have the Great Sayings of Short
Menu We asked this question of a
little man who came into the office the
other day, and he says such book
would be too large for any binding.
Wife, notice statement to the eff
feet that in this city every year S22, OOO,-
900 are spent for liquor, but only
$4,000 600 for religion. That's signifi-
cant. Husband Significant of what?
Wife-That you men are having pleas
anter time in this world than you will
in the next.
The broad pronunciation Of the VOW
els is enforced now by the stage man.
ayers of the theaters. 1t is funny to
hear an undoubted "Yank' struggling
to smooth off his sibilant notes and
soften his sharp phrases to the fashion
able minor keys. 1t is ridiculous also
as well as funny.-N Y. Star.
Il grant an absolute divorce to both
parties" replied the Judge. ''Call the
next case" ''But the children your
honor. What disposition shall be made
of them?' Equal division. Let
each party take half. Call the next"
"But there are three of them, your
hon Cant help it. That's their
lookout not mine. Call the next case"
N. Y. San.
The remains of an English traveller
had been exhumed for interment in the
family vault. When the coffin was
opened the spectators started back in
alright. why, these appear to be
the remains OF a lion Yes" re-
piled nephew of the deceased, with a
sigh, that's the lion that ate him up;
uncle's inside of him.
Undertaker-''H bub! What's
| that you've got there?" Small boy
"a toy pistol Undertaker-"All
right; wait minute" Goes in and
gets tape measure and measures the
boys height) 'sTell your father that
| 1 will be around about 6 o'clock to
make the necessary arrangements. y
Burlington Free Press.
Professor Mach. a scientist of
Prague, is reported to have carried the
art OF instantaneous photography to
the point of securing photographs of a
bullet in its flight. 1t may be possible,
few years hence, when the art of pho
Biography is still further developed, to
take a photograph of New York
bank officer in his flight to Canada
| NOrrtstOeOn Herald
In Boston paper is a lady's adver-
! tisement For a careful man to look
| after the house and be company for
her dog during her absence In EurcDe"
1t takes pretty good man to be COM
pany for first-class dog anywhere; to
be company for Boston dog would tax
the accomplishments of the best man
that ever competed for bench-show
honnrs,
A predatory coyote attempted to
make a meal off calf only six weeks
old, belonging to a ranch in Hermit
Valley, Alpine county, but the plucky
young bovine unexpectedly turned the
tables on its carniTerous assailant, kill
ed the brute and was found in the
morning still tramping on the carcass
OF the dead coyote, -San Francisco
| Chronicle.
John B. Coughs cure for sleepless-
ness is to pitch in and work it off. He
tells how Lyman Beecher had load Of
sand in his cellar, and after evening
service he would shovel it from one
side to the other, and by this exercise
he could tone down the fever of his
brain. Then he would get out his vio-
lin and soothe himself to sleep with
amateur tiddling.
'.Wiu you please give me crust of
stale bread without any butter on it?''
| pleaded a tramp. The woman looked
at him pityinglyr why, my poor fell
low" she said, ''you might ask for
something better than that. 1 can
| give you some nice fresh bread, just