Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1884-12-25
A NEW CRIME.

How An Arkansaw Justice of the Peace
Resented Interference with His Judicial
Prerogatives.
When old Anderson Brumley an
nounced himself as candidate for
Justice of the Peace, the people of
Buck Short Township felt that the time
when they were to have an able and
upright administration of judicial af-
fairs had arrived. Old Brumley had
never opened a law book; therefore he
was regarded as honest. He had never
hesitated to take off his coat and fight
the best man in the neighborhood;
therefore he was considered able. He
had never been backward in denouncing
his enemies, consequently he was re-
garded as a citizen of wisdom. With
these accomplishments, his election, in
the expressive parlance OF politics, was
walk over" Shortly after Brumley
took his seat on the red oak woolsack,
man named Billy Malone was arrested
for stealing grind-stone.
ssThis here is a mighty important,
case,'' said the magistrate, when the
culprit had been arraigned before the
court. .In lookin' over these here law
books don't find no mention o. grind
stones. 1t was q big oversight in our
Legislature not to put down grind
stones in the books, fur il mout have
been know'd that some blamed rascal
in this part o. the State was goin' to
steal one. Folks in this here part o.
the country, let me tell you, will steal
anything. Wa'al, in the absence o.
any statuary BARN on the subjeck,
reckon I'll make this here charge man
slaughter in the first degree. =
Your HONOR said lawyer, chat
would be impossible. =
Wood itP Wa'al, I'll jes show you,
I'm running this here court. "
ssYour honor
..Call me Jedge, if you please. 2
well, Jedge, there is no such thing
as manslaughter in the first degree
..Ain't tharp Wall, I'll jes show you
I'm runnin' this here court. Prisoner
at the bar, 1 have longed fur oppor-
tunity o. teachin' lesson to the risin'
generation. You have given me that
chance. don't delight in SEEM q
man fall from grace, but when he does
fall, thar ain nothin' that pleases me
SO much as to tangle my hand in the
ruffies o. his calico shirt. Manslaugh-
ter is a mighty serious charge, young
Teller"
II amt slaughtered no man yit,
Jedge."
..Shet your mouth, impudent violater
o. the sacred law o. the land. No mat
ter what you done, say it was man.
slaughter in the fust degree, an when
a man disputes my word, wy, he'd bet
ter wush that his bones was made outen
Injun rubber an his back kivered with
the skin o. yalligator. Young out
rager o. the principles of civilization,
fur this great crime of manslaughter in
hung next Friday
Judge exclaimed the lawyer,
springing to his feet, s.this proceeding
is impossible. -
els itp Wa'al, I'll lis show you I'm
be Jedge, won't come round tellin'
you what you can do an what you
can't.
Great Cesar, Judge, such a course
as you are taking is violation of the
State Constitution.
rs itp Wa'al, I'll jest repeal the
State Constitution right here. This
Teller oughter be hung, an If / had
catch him ten days ago, whuther or
not he had committed granddaughter in
the fust degree or stOld a grindstone in
the second, which is the same, would
have sentenced him to be hung. Mr..
Constable, take charge o. this man an
see that he is hung up in respectable
manner. Any lawyer what don't
wanter be sarved in the same way had
better keep his mouth shet. I'm rum
MIN this court. Opie r. Read, -
Ie1ds Strings.