The Warner weekly sun. (Warner, Brown Co., Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1885, 1884-09-05
Witty scintillations.

M 1885, La AK ~
melt a dude and pour him in hot.
Paris Beacon.
Naomi was $50 years old bef ire sh,
was married. The ice-cream bushes
must have got a good start during
Naomi's maidenhood.
$50 you've been to Saratoga, Mrs
Greene?" eyes, and it's q regular
swindle. Everybody praised the waite
there,as being very beneficial; and
went to work and had made for me
lovely bathing-suit. And If you'll be
lieve me there was no chance TO show
it after / got there. The people dom
battle in the water; they only drink it.
Boston Transcript.
A crowded horse-car. Enter Mrs
Mulcahey with q jug. Mr.. Mahoney.
who is seated (facetiously)-"Wud ]
hould the whiskey for yez, Misthress
Mulcahey?" Mrs. III. with sarcasm)-
Thank yez kindly, sor; but yez have
all We can hould now, I'm thinking"
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
The news of Mr.. LoweIl's illness re-
minds the Detroit Post of the remark
of an old Vermont farmer: II don't
see no use," said he. in Comment send
in Ministers to England all the while
the lazy scamps don't preach half the
time when they git there"
Effects of at.-Student-"H Fl ex-
pands and cold contracts" Professor
"Corrcrt. Give an example" Student
During the summer the affections OF
city people for their country relations
expand and in winter they contract" -
Philadelphia Call.
An Indiana colored lawyer, in trying
to get his client out Of custody, ex-
claimed: "Da is law OATS called 'hab-
his carcass, an TIE goin' to / alb de car
cass oh dat client o. mind, dead O.
alive"
what are You slowing up for2"
yelled a freight conductor to an engi-
nee on one of our Vermont roads.
why, we've run owe a book agent. /"
"Drat it all, then, why don't you keep
on? We can't kill him unless the
whole train runs over him. "-Burling-
ton Free Press.
"Well, Jonn," said old man Jordan
to his young friend, "you have just
been married, I hear" eyes, sir, "
he answered, with a spring-morning
smile, "just a month ago. and / want
You to go up to dinner with me to day. +"
Have You got a cook?' "No." well,
my boy, s'pose we go to the restaurant
this time. You must remember / had
q young wife once myself
Prospective Bride-"How long ought
a honeymoon to last, map"
Ma-"They usually last only q few
weeks, but I knew one to last three
months"
How delightful Who was the
bride? 2"
"Iwas."
Perhaps mine viii, too.n
IT fear not. The country is not
troubled with sectional issues noe..n
why, what difference does that
make?1
Il was married to your father the day
before he went off with the three months
volunteers. Philadelphia Call.
"John,- said the proprietor of a sea-
side restaurant to his hired man, you'll
have to take aspade and go down to the
beach and see ii you can find q clam |;
the one VIC made the chowders with is
missing. Been eaten by one of the WIS.,
itors, I guess. Some Of those city peo-
pie want the world, by iingsin-Som-
eryille Journal.
why is this butter like Samson y
asked the spruce young man who tends
the ribbon counter but the landlady
looked sternly at him, remarking:
You'd better settle last weeks bill"
and she cream Of the joke was lost
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Yes, q baby is the most dependent of
the animal creation. He is unable to
help himself; but he soon gets over that
and helps himself to everything he can
lay his hand to. Sometimes he wants
the earth and tries very hard to get it
Transcript.
Just as the Fulton ferryboat was leav-
ing the Brooklyn slip (says the SUM, q
young woman, clinging to the arm Of her
companion, leaned backward till she
could see the top Of the bridge tower.
and remarked: "Oh, how hight aI
have been more than three times as high
as that, said the man, ST know you
have" 1T was when they had the cap
tive balloon down at C0ney Island"
"Oh,S said the Young woman, thought
fully, Il thought it was that night you