Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-10-15
PLEASANTRlES.

A YOUNG man who has frequently
acted as umpire for baseball games, is
said to have lost all sense of right and
wrong, New York Picayune.
IT is said that Sylvanus Cobb, Jr.,
is the man who made Robert Bonner
rich. Bonner got the corn. What be-
came of the Cobb is not stated.
WHEN Clara was asked what she
would do if a nice young gentleman
would ask her hand in marriage, she
naively replied: 81 don't think I'd no. "
: Yonkers Statesman.
A FALL fashion item says "There is
little change in coats" 1t is the same
with pantaloons. There is very little
Change" In them, especially In the
pockets. -Norristown Herald.
A YOUNG wife who lost her husband
by death telegraphed the sad tid1ngs to
her father in these succinct words ::
"Dear John died this morning at 10.
Loss fully covered by insurance"
FIRST small boy-"Hello, Bill! Bin
gittin' yer head shingled?" Second
small boy, weeping NO; twan't my
headl" First small boy bowls in a
derisive Manner Brooklyn Eagle.
A GEORGIA paper says that James
Melon has married Miss Polly Citron.
Internationally thing they cantelope.
All what relief it is to get off that
good old JOKE once more Fall River
Herald
A YOUNG man blackened his mus
tache with lead comb and then took
his girl out for moonlight stroll.
When the fair one appeared in the
bright light of the family circle couple
of hours later her face looked like a
railroad map Wasp.
"OH do so dote on the sea-" she
surgled @If you only had yacht,
Augustus, dear" ST have no yacht,
Wilhelmina," he sighed, "but can give
you little smack" And then it sounded
as if a cork had flown out of bottle.
! Rochester Post Express.
A PRINTER in Chicago, who Rugged
a young woman on the street, got his
face slapped and was fined $50. And
yet we talk of the power of the press"
The printer could not have been per-
feet type of gentleman; he must have
been a minion, not paragon Norris
town Herald.
NEAR-sIGHTED, old gentleman (enter-
ing store) Have you any linen dust
ers?" Young Snobson with his most
sarcastic manner: 81 am not clerk in
this establishment yet, sir" n. S. O..
g.: "Not yet clerk, Ell? Errand-boy,
I presume? Well, legs are as good as
brains in some departments"
A POLITICIAN who had been nomin-
ated for Office said to lawyer, II want
you to bring suit against the editor
of the Daily Wanderer. He has DETAINED
my character outrageousIy." "But, my
dear man, what he has published won't
lose you any votes" "Of course it won't
lose me any votes, but my wife COM
plains that she isn't able to hire SER
want girl"
THEY had been quarreling about his
next summers clothes. She wanted
him to have his light suit cleaned up
for 1885, and he wanted heavier suit.
whats the use of fighting about this ?"
he said finally. II may be in the GENE
tery next summer" "I think" she re-
piled, you will need your summer
clothes wherever you may be. New
York Graphic. :
"TMnot very familiar with America n
money!" said Montreal banker, "but
this bill doesn't look right" ST
guess it's genuine" the de-
positor remarked. "If it isn't, know
where got it" "It may be all right,
but I am not sure. Here, john" he
said, turning to the messenger boy,
"run into some hotel or liquor saloon
with this bill and ask an American
cashier if it's genuine
ONE of those summer-school philoso-
pliers who know everything says ::
"There are no classes and no caste dis
tinctions in this country" 0, there
aren't, isn't there? just let the phil0so-
pher put on a last winters suit and a
st aw hat, and ask the hotel clerk for a
nice room on the parlor floor. He'll
learn something about the illimitable in
fnity of distance to the mansard roof
thatnever occurred to him before Bob
Burdette.
AN old lady was cutting her bread
very carefully, looking at the loaf rather
vaingloriously every time she cut off a
slice. Some one asked her if there was
anything the matter with it-hairs or
anything. "Oh, no." she said, "but
scripter reads, Thou shalt not mar the
corners of thy bread an I mean to go
accordin' to scripter in everything t
I can, little or gret, what l know" and
she kept right on with her bread, inno-