Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1884-10-08
NASBY.
Mr.. Nasty Goes to New York to Receive
Instructions for a Stumping Tour
His Attempt and Failure.
Toledo Blade
CONFEDERATE X ROADS
witch IL in the State nv keutucky). 7

50 AAA
I reserved call from the Nashnel Central
Committee TO come to Moo York to rescevc in
strukshcns for q stumpin toOr to okkcpy the
time from now till Nov. !, wich gladly obcyet.
! mover hesitate to respond to call w this kind.
ut my transpOrtashen from here to Moo York,
wich Is cheeper than Twin ut home. for the com
nifty send me money for mcels, and ez sleep
most nv the time on the way, to escape the
monotony NV travel, don't reely need the lik-
am in Moo York. wai,in INV turn, hey the FREQ
run nv the saloons In the Sixth Ward. Tho the
iikker fs unusually bad ther Is enuf NV 1t. wich
wus invited mp TO the committy rooms, and
hisseli
-Whcre shel we send Mr. Nssby?" said ne to
The Secretary onfoldcd a map NV the United
States wfch wuz marked all over in seckshuns.
replied the sekretary. I'VE need much work
there"
Very good" sed Mr.. Barnum. "yoo will com.
mence work in pittshurg. Here is the sinopsis
NV the speech yoo will make there, and yoo will
need to study it kcerfuly so ez to make no
mistakes, Yoo will observe that in Ifttshurg
the cotashuns 700 make are from Randall >
speeches on the tariff. witch goes to prove that
the Dimocrisy are pledged to Pcrteckshun. solid
Devote your time and energies solely to this
pint ioo may, however. in Pittsburg, de-
the cost nv clothin nv the workipman, but in-
sist that the tariff onto iron must and shcl be
manetaned Ftd ont how the people are on pro, ,
Republican Prohibitionist urge him to re-
main true to his principles and vote for st.
John by all means; but when yoo run agln q
Demokratic Prohibitionist, show him the folly
nv THROWN away his vote on man that can't
be electid.
4 understand sed. This is cleer saiiin. ="
Ard l took the synopsis nv the PittsburR speech.
From Pittsburgh yoo will perceed over into
Ohio. warn you that you must keep sober IN
Ohio, and must yoose discrcshun and cawshun
In the iron decstriks the Pittsburgh speech will
do But remember this: when yoo git into the
agricultural scckshuns you must study this
other speech. Tie handid me another manoo-
scriptJ In this one Dimocrisy is pledged to
free trade, with q few excepshuns. Thus, when
700 are in the grain counties I'm the interior,
YOU must insist that the tariff onto wool shel be
maintained; and also when 700 are up In the
grape region insist that the tariff on wine shel
not be disturbed. When yoo cross the lines into
secksbuns where ther amt no manufactur1n' .
yoo must arcoo that free trade is the only safe
guard the people hev agin monopoly. And
kin yoo tell me the counties wher must talk
tariff on wool and wine, and the counties where
imnsnt? It wood be okkurd to git mixed on
Mr. Barnum perdoosed map with lines drawn
all over 1t.
Certainly. We hev maps pre,'ared for the
Ose NV all our sIeekers. These counties ON
the line NV the lake wich is colored purple are
wine counties, and wher ther is white lines
drawd thro there is wool ez well ez wine. Wher
there IL black cross onto EN- ther Is manufak-
WOO must urge pertective tariff onto every
thing In the counties marked wine excloos-
lively the perteckshun must be confined to wine
alone, and likewise in the pure wool counties TO
wool alone.
Sometimes ther is wine in part uva county.
and sometimes wool only In part nv county.
Great Scott" exclaimed, but I can't do
this! i can't hev a dozen speeches prepared.
How am l to resceed with sich mixed up
mess?"
The process is simple, though great care
must be observed On arrivin At an appint-
ment WOO must take out the map and see wher
from yer valise-the cOmmitty will furnish VOC
valise in wich to keep yer eileen shirts
The committy will likewise hev to furnish
the eileen sh rts or ther will be no yoose fur the
valtse, onless It ia to keep the manoosc rips, wch,
nv itself, will rekwire very large one.
We shel furnish the valise and the eileen
ceptin sich ez Carl shurts, wich We paw regiar
prices to per mite, fur speskin fur Cleveland ard
Reform. BY the time yoo hev filled these sp-
p;ntments we will send yoo another route. and
so on till November. when we hope victry will
hcy crowned our efforts, and yoo shel retire
March"
Mr.. Barnum gave me money and transT orta-
shen to Nttsburg, and departed happy. felt
good wunst more TO hev a dollar in my pokkit,
I hev bin drcppt of the hind eend nv frames
so many times that 1t ia monotonous. One kin
git thru the kentry by bein kicked OIL one
trane and wai;in for the next to come only to
lie kicked off that, but 1t is warm onto the sect
NV the trousis.
enufY to git into the city in the mornin and re-
ported to the Centrel Committy. The yoosual
thing ensOod. j wuZ invited to take suthin
wich he'd not the Spartan firmnis to rcfooze
One drink led to another, fur the active
DimOcrisy NV Pittsburgh is drouthy, and by the
time night he'd come and l he'd got onto the
platform wuz iuller than gote. opened uI
my vaise and commenced my speech. When
hev manooscript ! kin speek, drunk or sober
and did speek. Did spcek for any length OF
time? Indeed did not. Their cum up from
that awjcnce such q storm NV impreCAshuns
sich q hO~l NV derishun, sich \ mingiing NV
profanity ez never wuz heerd. Isposcd It wn1
ther way nv applaudin, and went on, smilin
till passel NV en- rushed up on the Platform
and histed me of, and hustled me out into the
street.
The next morning seed it all. Ihed, in my
NV the valise, and was firin that OF ct Pitts
burg awjencc, every man Nv wich wuz a iron
manoocfakter.
Like q drunken ass wuz demonstratin to a
awjence NV workers IN iron that tariff on iron
wuz wuss nor highway robbery, and doin It un.
der the authority Of the Dimokratic NAehne
II wur a mercy that wuznt killed on the
spot.
Mr.. Barnum heerd NV 1t, and to-wunst OF.
fered ne to e ther take an oath never to fetch
nkker agin OF psrceed home. He writ thus
I'm campane like ours wich is mixed, abso.
loot sobriety ia cssenshel to prevent mistakes
man with Gkker in him cannot be trusted II
carry about IL different speeches, adapted to
the wants of IL different sets NV Opinyuns. Nc
man can be Dimekratic campane speeker this
yeer wich cannot be trusted to take the right
sreech out NV his valise.
Nv course can't travel, or, fur that matter
stay at home, without my regler supplies, and
SO resincd. Better occashnel drinks at Bas.
CONS than none at all on the road. Re2lcl
catin is suthin, bnt regler drinks is more mes.
sary.
hope to get an appointment to speek in one
acckshun, wher one speech will answer, but