davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
A Dainty Dish.

Twenty years ago | bought terrapin
for six dollars dozen," said an old
caterer. "Now l pay from $40 to $50
The diamond-back terrapin stands way
ahead of anything else ever devised
or created to tickle an epicurian'
palate. 1t is the most delicate and
the most expensive dish that appears
on the American table. No man who
is a good eater would give a dinner
party without it. The terrapin and
canvasback must be on table that
makes any pretentions to correctness.
1t would take about two big terrapins
to go on with the rest of the bill of
fare for a dinner of from 10 to IL
covers, which would make an extra
item Of about $40. The demand is
increasing and they arc getting more
expensive every year. 1t used to be
peculiarly a southern dish, but now
scarcely northern or eastern man
comes here that docs not call for ter
rapin.--Washington Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
The Real Road TO Riches.

One day few weeks ago one of the
richest men in Chicago was asked for
a private interview by stranger, who
explained:
"You are very rich. You have had
wonderful luck. Tell me what to
speculate in that.I may make money r.
"Never speculate at ALL" was the
serious answer.
But you have made money in rail
road stocks, wheat, silver mines, canal
stocks, etc"
Not dollar, young man In
fact, that's the way l have lost thou
sands"
"Why, then, how have you made
your wealth ?"
"By inventing a spring bed and
patenting bootjack. Let all specu-
lation alone, and turn your attention
to the solid wants Of the people. -
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
Essay on Roller skates.

The roller skate is a wayward little
quadruped. 1t is as frolicsome and
more innocent looking than a lamb
but for interfering with ones upright
attitude in the community, it is per.
haps the best machine that has ap.
peared in the city.
Ones first feelings ON standing up
OH pair of skates, is an unaccounta-
bic tendency to come from together
One foot may start out toward Idaho,
while the other as promptly strides
out for Arizona. The legs do not
stand by each other as legs related by
blood should do, but each shows a
disposition to set up in business alone,
and leave you to take care of your
self as best you can. The awkward
ness of this arrangement is apparent.
While they are setting up indepen-
dently, there is nothing for you to do
but sit down and await further devel-
ments. And you have to sit down,
too, without having made any prsvi-
Gus preparations for it, and without
having devoted as much thought to it
as you might have done had you been
consulted in the matter.
One of the most noticeable things
at a skating rink is the strong attrac-
tion between the human body and the
floor of the rink. If the human body
had been coming through space for
days and days, at the rate of million
miles second and without stopping
at eating stations, and excepting Sun
days, when it strikes the floor we could
understand why it struck with so
much violence. AS it is, however, the
thing is incxplicable.
There are different kinds Of falls in
vogue at the rink. There are the
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
A RObber in the House.

The clock struck 3; two of tn q
children awoke with Squalls" and
Mrs. Mickson, turning over with a
hounce, called to her husband who
was lying in adjoining room.
Peter"
"Wellw
81 believe there's man in the
house"
eyes, I'm here"
81 don't mean you. / smell a
cigar"
"Where did you get it ?"
81 haven't got it, you greenhorn.
| mean that / smell cigar smoke. |
know that somebody has slipped into
this house, and you needn't say there
hasn't" and she arose and looked un-
der the bed.
"Who do you think it is?" asked
the husband.
cts robber (; that's who"
"Do you think that robber would
come around mans house and smoke
cigars ?"
at makes no difference. | smell
cigar smoke opening the closet door.
81 smell cigar smoke, too" said the
husband. 81 have been smelling it
for some time"
"Get up and help me look for it,"
"What, the smoke ?"
"No, the man."
Come on, and | think we can find
him."
Mrs. Mickson entered her husband S
room and found that gentleman lying
on the bed smoking cigar.
81 don't believe you have good
sense!" Indignantly exclaimed the
wife. "Why didn't you tell me you
were lying here smoking like fool ?"
Because l am not smoking like q
fool"
"Oh, you think you are smart"
and the lady went back and tumbled
into bed.-Arkansaw Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
A Clever Husband, But a Cleverer
Wife.


Women are skillful. "Who is that
horrid whisky bloat?" asked lady
of an acquaintance, while they stood
viewing the guests at fashionable
reception. (which one ?" That one
with the rcd mustache and awful nose.
Don't you see ?" "lIe is my hus-
band" "Oh," laughed the lady, 81
see that you are not sensitive" al
though she saw vengeance in the eyes
Of the insulted lady. Several nights
ago friend made a similar remark
about my husband and | became very
angry. ] declared it would anger any
woman; but my friend said that you,
having the best husband in the world,
would not care, and | wagered II pair
of gloves that you would but you
see | have lost. ! hear that your hus.
band is spoken of as an available can
didate for governor. How clever he
must be. e."-Arkansaw Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

A woman whose husband was re-
Gently sent to the penitentiary wrote
the following letter to her loved one
81 don't like to shake you now that
you are in trouble; but under the
circumstances, it is the best thing
can do. The man you stole the hog
from has proposed to me, and l have
consented to marry him. l am get
ting tired of the neighbors throwing
it up to me that my husband is in the
pen. I'm going to marry this fellow
quietly, an when they come around
an say your husbands in the pen,
| can call 'em liar an have em ar
rested for slander. ."-Arkansaw Trav-
eler.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

Five cents doubled thirty-fve times
would pay the national debt. We
are perfectly willing to do our part
by taking the first double. Who will
keep it up?"-New Bedford Standard.
We will by doubling the second time.
Boston Advertiser. The Union
will take the third place. There is
nothing like getting in early on such
a chance as this.-Springfeld Union.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

"Do you think she's pretty?' he
cried. 81 do, indeed. I'm really just
wild over that girl" "Then why don't
YOU 90 in and do the grand ?" "Well
to tell the truth, it's just here: None
of the other fellows go wild over hel
at all, and there'd be no credit in
winning her out."-Lowell Citizen.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
Augustus Swallows His Cane.

81 want to present Augustus with a
cane" said Il young New York lady,
"but i don't know what size he wears. "
"What do you mean by size r was
the question "are canes of different
sizes ?"
"Oh, yes, and one has to be very
careful in selecting them. | shouldn't t
like to send dear Augustus a cane with
head big enough to choke him. -
Philadelphia Call.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

There was a girl with fine voice
but poor ear living in the flat above
him when Bellini composed that ten
der aria in "Sonnambula," "Still so
gently o'cr me squealing. New York
Commercial Advertiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

"Do crows know when it is Sun
day. asks an exchange. Bet you
they do; they see so many fellows
prowling around with guns.-Bur-
lington Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

"Will you have roastbeefcornbeef-
roastporkporkandbea beanshamandbacon
orhash?' ratified the pretty waitress
to Jones the first night at his new
boarding house. The bashful man
blushed and remarked that che be-
lieved he would, thanks."-N. Y.
Graphic.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

BARRIERS have mirrors in front of the
chairs in their shops in order to en-
able their victims to see how man
looks being talked to death.-Mer-
chant Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

"Do we want Mexico?" asks a
newspaper correspondent just return.
ed from that section. We do; we do.
Several letters which we have read
from that place state that the girls
down there don't know anything about
kissing, but are anxious to learn
Chicago Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

The secret art of beauty lies not in
cosmetics, but only in pure blood and
healthy action of the vital organs, to
be obtained by Burdock Blood Bit
ters.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

1t is a foolish girl who will ask her
lover which he likes best, beauty or
brains. No matter which way he
answers she is sure to get mad.-Phil-
adelphia Call.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
Advertising Rates.

business Cards. one year, dollar for every line.
Local Notices ten cents per line for each insertion,
snl all notices continued for three months or longer,
q discount of 25 per cent.
Advertisements accompanied by verbal OF written
directions viii be published three months.
Advertisements under contract, ordered out 10
Inre expiration of time will be charged full rates.
40 paper discontinued until all arIearages are paid
"a eept at the option Of the publisher.
Transient advertisements must be paid in advance
az Terms CASH, payable quarterly.
Suiy Metal Cuts Inserted.
Prices and Terms alike to all.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

"Pa, what are puts and calls on
State street?' "Well, man puts
his money in brokers' hands and
when he calls for it, it is all gone."-
Boston Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
1854,
FURNITURE!
DRAI!PERlES!
LACE CURTAINS

The most varied and complete as.
sortment ever offered in Michigan.
We have enlarged and rearranged
our immense warerooms to meet the
wants of an increasing trade, and can
now offer purchasers better selection
and lower prices than ever before.
In fine work we show the latest de-
signs and the richest material, and can
always supply such goods from stock
on demand, or made up to special or
der in style unsurpassed anywhere.
In medium goods we have also a
larger line suited to all wants and at
prices lower than ever before.
In common goods for the every day
wants of every day buyers, we have
the largest assortment to select from,
and parties desiring such goods, need
look no further, as our prices are al
ways the lowest and our goods the
best.
Persons visiting Detroit will find
pleasure and profit in spending an
hour or two at our rooms, and they
are always welcome whether wishing
to purchase or not.
Seeing is believing, and we are cer-
tain that careful examination of our
goods and prices will make us new
friends in every part of the State.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

Never speak i'll of a man if you
can help it. If you must say some
thing bad be sure the other side pays
your witness fee.- Philadelphia Chron-
icle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

The coral insect is great reef
former.-New York Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

The only person you can take
sauce from is the cook.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
/ ID. 4 +. ID. &P. H. Night
/ Mail. Mail. Express

Drawing room cars on morning and evening trains
between Bay CITY and Detroit, extra charges only
2j cents. .
Night express east runs Sunday night instead OF
saturday All other trains daily except Sunday.
SANFORD KELLER, Sup't
w. u. HlTCHCOCk,
Ticket Agent, Apena, Mich.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

One of the incest partners for q
girl in a waltz around the parlor is a
broom.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

1t amt whut a man knows er bout
hisse'f dat makes him feel proud.
It's whut he 'magines udder people
thinks O. him.-Arkansas Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
Flint & Pere Marquette R. R,

The shortest, quickest, and most reliable route TO
ana from Detroit, Toledo, Cleveland. Cincinnati,
Saginaw and Bay City.
GOING EAST, SOUTH AND WEST.
cave Alpena daily, except sunday, by Apena
Bay City steamers, at "a. m.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28
Detroit & Bay City Railroad
GOING NORTH.
GOING SOUTH

Day and Evening Express daily, Sundays except
ell Night Express daily, Saturdays excepted
II. b LEDYARD, HENRY G, WENTWORTH,
Genr Manager, Genl Pass. & Ticket Agt.,
Detroit Mich. Chicago, III.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

A Buffalo colored clergyman has
given notice to his congregation that
he wants more money and less shout
ing in the future.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

When a mans head swims there is
generally less water than whisky
about it.-Boston Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

fN nv N for the working class. Send 10 cents
HGGu Hfor postage, and we will mail you free
HvUHEEEa royal valuable box Of sample goods
~ W 8S&$ that will put you in the way Of max
ing more money IN flew days than you over thought
possible at any business. Capital not required.
Wo will start you. You can work all tho time
in spare time only. The work is universally adapt
ed 10 both sexes young and old. You can easily
earn from 30 cents 10 s5 every evening. That all
who want work may test the business, we mako this
unparalleled offer TO oil who are not well satisfied
will send N 20 pay for the trouble OF writing us
Full Particulars, directions, ETC.. sent free For
tunes will bo mado by those who give their whole
time TO the work. Great success absolutely sure.
Don't delay. Start now Address sTIssos 4 Co.,
Portland, Maine. Gisyl
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

Darwin says there is a living prin-
ciple in fruit. We suppose he refers
to the worms.-Indianapolis Scissors.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

Lewistown has an Alderman Wagg.
The tail end of committees is the
place for him.-Lowell Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-05-28

Good Pay for Agents. 500 Co $500 pqr
tuO. fnRtc selling our q rand New History.
Famous and Decisive Battles Of .iie World
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17
For the HERALD,
THE MILKMAID.
Literal Translation from the Frencb)

A milkmaid went to the market
carrying upon her head a pot to the
milk. Road-making she counted in
her thought the silver which her milk
ought to her to produce. Here is her
calculation: E ght pints at sous the
pint, make "a sous; "the count is
correct" herself said she. Twenty
four sous; this is more than he not Is
necessary for to buy q hen. The hen
will make some eggs; these eggs
should become chickens, snd ne to
me will be easy to then raise in the
little court of our house. In selling
my chickens ! Will have Of what to
buy dress new red. Oh yes, red
The red me becomes the best. not
VII miss of loving with here, but
then will refuse perhaps all, even
with disdain." Thereupon the milk
maid made OF the head a movement
which showed that which itself passed
in Der imagination. and there Is the
pot to the milk to earth. Goodbye
chickens. eggs, hens and lovers. The
castle in Spain herself fell down in al
instant, aud the poor girl returned
home her the tesTs to the eyes.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17
OLD THEORIES OF THE AURORA

The question whether auroras are
OF cosmic origin, or whether they
proceed flom purely terrestrial inhu,
ences which still provokes discussion,
has from the beginning divided the
learned into two parties. Marian
maintained the tra-terrestrial char
acter of the meteor. while the con-
trary opinion found supporter in
Musschenbroek, the inventor OF the
Leyden jar.
Musscheubroek, still ev'destIy
under the Influence of old middle
age prejudices, gave out the follow
ing hypothesis: Near both poles, and
at little distance beneath the sur
face of the globe, are immense reser
voirs OF phosphorescent matter.
Whenever fissure is formed reach
ing to them, the substances, readily
volatile. escape and illuminate tie
atmosphere with their glow. The
frequency OF auroras in particular
years was explained by supposing a
subterranean cavern to have been
opened. Wheu the poke. was ex-
hausted, the phenomenon would oil
couse be at an end for some time. So,
after the exhaustion OF the provisions
OF phosphorescent stuff accumulated
in particular region, the meteors
would necessarily cease to show them
selves, not to appear again till after
long time, during which the matter
would accumulate again. 1t was
thought that years of dry weather
were years Of maxima of aurorss,
ana it seemed natural to suppose that
moisture would hinder exhalations.
Extensive efforts were made, without
success, by studying the properties of
the recently discovered phosphores>
cent substances, to determine the ma
ture of the stuff that thus shone in
space. Previous to this, an explans-
ton OF the phenomenon had been
suggested By supposing a fermenta-
ton cf gross exlslations from the
EARTH surface, which were driven
toward the pole and there took fire.
NJ. Antoine De Saports, in Popular
Science Monthly.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17

FRANK LEsLIE's SUNDAY MACHINE
Tue March number is promptly on
our table, and is filled as usual with
delightful reading matter-edifyiDg
ana entertaining. and admirable en-
bellishnents. The popular editor, T..
De Witt Talmage, D. D., contributes
characteristic article, alarming
Things CT To-day" and the Home
Pulpit contains one of his oermons,
"Sensitiveness of Christ" Count
Zipzendori." the founder OF the Mo-
ravian Church," ''Salem, the Old
Moravian Town. in North Carolina,
"The Boeton Institutions at Deer
island" "Annals of Little Comp
TOM" Anthony Vandyke, Court
Painter" etc., are finely illustrated
and exceedingly interesting articles.
The serials, Chow It All Came
Round" and "Wrong From the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17

WoRLD.LIFE; Or COMPARATIVE GR.
oLoeY. By Professor Alexander
Winchell. Chicago; 8. O. Griggs &
Co.; Salt Lake: James Dryer. Price,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17
OUR LITTLE ONES.

This charming little periodical for
the current month is brimful of the
choicest stories and the prettiest
and rarest of pictures for the in
struction and dedication of its many
young readers. Our LittIs Ones
holds its place among the many
competitors, being always welcome,
and never failing to please.
Boston: The Russell Publishing
Com pauy, &c BromfeId street.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17
SEEDS.

The catalogue for 1884 of Storrs,
Harrison s. Co., OF gainesville, Ohio,
is handsome and more complete
than ever. The firm is reliable, and
those desiring to purchase flower
and vegetable seeds, or plants,
would do we'll to address as above
for price list.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17

LEGISLATION ON INsANITI 7. A collece
ton Of all the lunscy laws Of the
States and Territories of the United
States to the year 1888, inclusive. Also
the laws of England on insanity, leg
islstion in Cansds on private houses
and important portions Of the lunacy
laws OF Germany, France, etc. By
George Il. Harrison, L L. D., late
president Of the Board of Public Char.
tiles of Pennsylvania.
In his preface, the distinguished
philanthropist correctly states that
"insanity is the saddest and most
terrible of all diseases,-the most
pitiable and helpless OF all the states
and FORMS Of human helplessness
And yet it is condition to which
all men are Liable, aad int which
any man may at any time fall
with or without premonition.
Not only does it provoke the
compassion of the philanthropist,
but it appeals to and it tasks the
highest medical skill; 1t demands
and exhausts all the resources of
legislative wisdom. In its relation
to crime 1t presents one of the dark
est and most mysterious problems
Of medical and criminal jurispru-
dence. In connection with the poor
and Fl endless, it imperatively calls
upon the state for care and protec.
ton. But so complex and intricate
Is the subject in its various rela-
sions and aspects, it Is no wonder
that in regard to it the legislation
of many States is very crude and
defective, and Of all States, as yet,
more or less tentative and imper-
feet"
DR.. Harrison's long service upon
the Pennsylvania Board of Charities
gave him rare opportunities for OBJ.
serving the condition of the insane
and other defective classes, and the
natural interest that he felt in the
subject induced him to visit Europe
and compare the various methods
OF caring for the unfortunate. Per.
haps no one has a better knowledge
of the subject, both in its details
and generally, than he, and no one
can manifest deeper solicitude or
wish to do more for the poor people
whose minds have been unsettled.
His work will prove useful to spe~
cialists, physicians, humanitarians
and legislators.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17

First" are continued, and the esssyr,
sketches, poems, etc., are by popular
writer's. Marion Harland has q
charming story, "a Practical Wo-
man." Toe contents are 90 varied
and abundant that no one can fail to
DE gratified.
Address. Mrs. Frank Leslie, So, 55
and 81 Park Place, New York, N.
Y.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17

OAKLAwN STUD,oY PERcHERoNHoRsEs,
imported and bred by NV. Dunhsm,
Wayne. Du Page county, Ill. Csta-
logue for 1888.
This is q book Of 1872 pages, and
consists of q catalogue of the Perch
eron horses imported and fe' at the
stud farm of MIR. Durham; to-
gether with much information in
regard to horses generally.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17
LITTELL's LIVING AGE. /:

The numbers of The Liring Age for
February I'd and 9th, contain Lord
Melbourne, sketch, and Statues and
Monuments OF London, Nineteenth
Century; The Soudan and its Future,
by Samuel Baker, and the Outdoor
Poetry of the Middle Ages and the
Renaissance, Contemporary; History
in Little, Gentleman'S Magazine;
Earthquake Weather, CornhiU;
Helen's Tower. Good Words; The
Eton Days of Sir Stafford Northcote,
Temple Bar; Camp Lifs on the
Prsiries, Macmillan; British Guiana,
Month; Traditional History of Hagar's
Well at Mecca. Lancet; Old Writers
and Modern Readers. Saturday Re-
rier; The Secrecy of Modern Des.
potism. Economist; The Happiness of
Some Women, Spectator; with the
conclusion OF sold Lady May" in
stalments OF "The Wizards Son."
''The Bsby's Grandmother" and the
usual amount OF poetry.
Littell e. Co., Boston, are the pubs
fishers.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17
vICk's ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE.

vICkS ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE.
Contents of the February num-
Der: The Great Fall of Snow-An-
tirrhinum-A Mountain Garden
Wind Screens = Correspondence
Foreign Notes-Pleassnt Gossip
Our y Dung People. The frontiss
piece is q Beautiful colored plate of
Antjrrhinum.
Rochester, NY: James Wick.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-02-17

DEsEREr SUNDAY SCHOOL UNION
Music Book, containing large col
lection OF choice pieces for the use of
of Sunday schools. Published by the
Deseret Sunday School Union, st the
Juvenile Instructor cfice, Salt Lake
City.
This volume contains IS pieces,
mostly the productions OF local au-
thors and composers, and all admir-
ably adapted to the use Of the Sun
day schools.