Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-03-16

of the Azoic age; and there isn't trace
of him to be found anywhere else for
money. Then what is he doing out there
among the old Red Sandstone schist!
Why. hOnored sirs, when he died out OF
the world for good and all. there wasn't
enough old Red Sandstone in it TO make
a milestone out of. 1t hadn't begun to
deposit, yet. And another thing, the cave
Bear couldn't have lived in Nevada, any
way, for there isn't cave in it, from one
end Of it to the Other-eXcept the cOmpar-
atively recent ones in the mines, and
perhaps here and there in the mining
stocks. Too recent to do him any good, or
hardly anybody else.
This disposes of the Cave Bear, as
look at it. Now the same arguments that
dispose of the Irish Elk and the Cave
Bear, dispose also of the Old Silurian Ass;
for they trained together. They were of
the same general breed of mammals and
were the only mollusks that were able to
hold their own, against the Megatherlum,
the Ich thyOsaurns, and other fiesh-eating
birds Ofthe birdO-leptilian period, and did 1t
then only through that vigilance which is
the price Of liberty, and that union IN
which is strength. All honor to the
brave!
Now then-enough of that. Let conjec-
ture stand aside, and history 90 to the
bat. For [ was there myself, and l know.
The tracks which have been attributed to
the Irish Elk were not made by an Irish
Elk at all; they were made by an Irish
bricklayer-named stephen McGinniss,
Member of the Legislature. / knew him
perfectly well. He had a h0Of; hoot like
a cows. 1t was a birth-mark. He was a
high-tempered man, and very handy with
his birth-mark. And is even now at this
minute after the scientists-and they will
see. Even the elect may not call stephen
McGinniss an Irish Elk with impunity,
nor misrepresent his footprints in spirit
of scientific wantonness. These are
truths, these are facts; in a word, history.
FOr1 was there.
Little remains to be said. Only this
The Cave Bear tracks were made by Mr..
II. NJ. Daggert, not grown honOrably
famous in other walks in life, but still
depositing the same identical track to
this day, let US freely believe, when he
goes unshOd-as was the sternly simple
custom of the pioneer legislator of the
territory of Nevada, in day when
virtuous endeavor was held above the
comfort of the body, and godiness above
meretriciOus gauds of fashion.
The tracks attributed to the Old Silu-
rian Ass, were not made by the Old oilu-
rian ASS. / made them myself. | made
them myself, and / am not an Old SIlurlan
Ass. | may be some kind of an ass, and
some observers have held the theory that
l was and am; but | am not an Old Silu-
rian Ass. | made those tracks; and l
make the same track now; and it appears
that even an expert cannot tell it from an
Old Silurian ASS track, and neither can
i, for that matter; but it is not an Old
Silurian ASS track, just the same, any
more than l am an Old Silurian Ass; yet
the person who calls the track out y0nQer
an Old Silurian ASS track, does in effect
call me an Old Silurian Ass, by reason
that | made that track. And it must not
be repeated. For l have my feeling, as
we'll as another; and the man that calls
me an Old Silurian Ass. and proves it,
shall not 90 out of this world alive. l
have said it. The language maybe intem-
perate, but the prOvOcation is great.
These scientists are in an ill-concealed
sweet because they cannot tell Uhy there
are so many tracks, and all going one
way, all going north. 1t was large
Legislature, dear sirs; and the saloon was
north. This is history, not conjecture.
For | was therein person.
And they cannot divine why the Prime
val Man took such short steps, yet with SO
little lateral spread. Think OF the feet he
carried; also remember his condition; OF
course a person could not spread lateral
ly, in his condition az he could formerly,
when sober; necessarily he would spread
laterally, formerly, but not laterally, the
conditions being reversed, you see. This
seems simple. Also unanswerable.
And they are perturbed because they
cannot tell why the rocks are so confused,
and move in such subtly sinuous curves
Listen, then; will explain this also. 1t
is law of nature that whisky cannot be
conveyed IN straight lines by a legisla-
ture, except in buckets. A Legislature
never uses buckets, man.
| am done.
Such is history. Such are the Carson
Footprints. They are not fossiliferous,
they are legislative; they are uniform
they are identical with the tracks deposit
by all adjourning Legislatures. La the
West, l mean. Let us have peace.