Daily Republican., 1884-01-31
MIRTH AND INCREMENT

LOOK h6ah, u DCle M Oh dem White
folks Use been workin' for has done ia
suited me der wussest kind" How
did they insult yer, MatiIdy? Did dey
toe yer dat yer mOuf was too snail 2"
/ cant jess help gettin' mad, Uncle
Nose. De white woman I'se been work.
in for made out was no better den
thief Use gwine ter hab de law on her,"
What did she say 2" " She said ]
stole 81 In change, and bit only was g..
%. ! counted 1t over twise myself. |
wouldn't tell lie for all dc money In
Austin"
Take something" said a stranger to
| q crowd IN a Third avenue saloon, as he
| advanced TO the bar. 81 Don't care.if-
do !" chornsed tho gang, Jumping to
their feet and advancing to the front.
Well, then exclaimed the stranger,
rs he swallowed and paid tor glass of
liquor and broke for the door, "take a
joke !" They took IT, while he tool
off,
A famous clergyman preaching a few
Sundays ago from the text, "He giveth
bis beloved sleep" stopped in the mid
die of his discourse, gazed upon his
slumbering congregation and said
Brethren, 10 IN hard to realize the un.
bounded love which the Lord appears
to have Tor large portion OF my audi
tory"
A nervous gentleman whose regard for
personal comfort IL paramount to his
s-Bae Of national honor, and the impor-
lance OF the Arctic researches Il pom COLI
mercial affairs, says: After all the
grand achievement of DR.. Kane was in
finding place where mosquitoes have
never been seen." He was a Jersey
man.
Well, there is one thing sure said
Mr. John Shuttle, az lie closed discus.
sion on the -sidedness of every
thing in general. "There is no justice
in this world and it makes inc blue
to think of it," "True, job 70 said.Pa.
thence. Bnt the reflection that there
is justice in the next ought to make you
feel great deal better"
A secretary had embezzeled three
thousand guilders. Maximiian sent for
him, and asked what should be done to
a confidential servant who had robbed
his master The secretary recommended
the gallows. "Nay, nay" the Emperor
said, and tapped him on the shoulder,
" | cannot spare you yet"
Mr.. Bergh, the $. p. c. A. man, says
1t il cruelty to animals to catch fish
with hook. There wouldn't be much
fun in fishing if man had to dive I'M
der the water and hold chlOroform 10
fish's nose until il became unconscious,
and then hit it on the head with ham
mer.
"And how old did you say she was?"
asked Mr.. jenkins of the Museum at
tendant, pointing her sunshade at the
Egyptian mummy in y case. Four
Thousand years, ma am" answered the
man. "Do tell wonderfully well pre-
served, at that age, amt she' are her
teeth falseY"
A Pittsburg girl who had refused a
goOd-looking tele graph repsi rer man
three times within six months, gave as
b reason that he roamed from pole to
pole, from one climb to another, and if
he did come, he would be insulate, that
the neighbors would be sure to talk.
A long sketch in an exchange is en-.
titled b" Beytrayed by Hare. This fire.
quently happens. Unless the hair of the
girl he hal out buggy ridiDgis the same
hue as that worn by his wife he should
carefully examine his coat before return
ing home.
"Is the dog mad?" he asked the boy,
as the animal dashed by. 81 reckon
he Isl" replied the boy; 81 Just see a
butcher take piece O. meat away from
him and kick him six feet into the air.
Wouldn't you be mad If that was done
to you?"
A minister hearing boy saying,
Bother these mosquitoes" reproved
him, saying that, like all other creatures
they were doubtless made for some good
end. "That may be-" said the boy,
but l don't like the end that feel at
any rate"
She went into shop to buy some
toilet soap, and, while the shopman was
|expatiating on its merits, about made
up her mind to purchase, but when he
said it would keep off chaps she said she
did not want that kind.
"Oh! he is such charming gentle
man. And he did not make his money
In vulgar trade, either. No, indeed
He owns bank; for have heard peO-
pie who knew him speak OF it. 1t is in
Western city, named Faro
Sydney Smith once said to his YES
try, in reference to block pavement
proposed to be built around st. Paul's,
"All you have to do, gentlemen, is to
put your heads together and the thing
Is DONE"
eyes," said the level-headed school
boy, " I'm at the foot of my class, and
l calculate to stay there. Then l don't
have to stand the wear and tear of anx-
iety for fear I'll lose my place
The Cigarette.