National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1884-08-09
SUPPOSED no BE FUNNY.

A nlgn Wlnu IL nov Always drunk.
Whom ship wallows in the trough Of
the sea it's no sign of intoxication.
Derrick Dodd wants to know IL they
ever bury dead calm. Certainly; under
tho rolling sea.
When q Tennesseee man has nothing
in particular to do, he goes out and dis
covers o cave.
In western court the foreman Of the
jury shot tho prisoner for lying. That is
what they call snap Judgment.
Mrs. L. M. Bates, who is at Saratoga,
carries a parasol worth $1,000. Her
Irish coachman says, "She Bates thin
ALL"
Abraham was not poker player as far
as we have any profane record, but the
Bible mentions the fact that he beat four
kings.
A yirginian recently killed o relative
in dispute about dollar. Relatives are
apparently more plentiful than dollars in
the sunny south.
A poem written by rhvmer who Is
| within hearing Of o rafting sewing
machine aud squalling baby never
makes its appearance in leading maya
zine.
DR.. Hammond writes novels and prac-
tees medicine also. The doctor has an
advantage over every other novelist in
the country. He can cure his own VIC
tins.
"Oh, don't propose to me here |" OK
claimed young lady, whose love was
about to pour out his avowal as they were
riding by o cornfield. "The very corn
has ears"
Heard at Saratoga-"What Is that girls
name2 She looks very awkward and
rustic at this garden party" II don't
know exactly, but 1 should say she was a
Miss Fit"
A western paper says: "Mr. Meeker, Of
Argo, COL, has duck that laid an egg
with nickel embedded in the yolk"
fornia newspaper lie.
A member of the Kentucky legislature,
who attended service at the Episcopal
church at Frankfort, was asked how he
liked 1t, and replied: "Purty we'll. riz
and fell with them every time"
The New York Graphic says that a
Colorado editor who was hard up for copy
published chapter from the Bible every
day for leading editorial, for three
months, before anyone found it out.
"Will you have salt on your eggs p
asked the hotel waiter Of the guest. "Oh.
no. thanks. They are not at all fresh"
Then the waiter went out to consult the
landlord to SEQ if the hotel had been in.
suited.
Parent (angry)-"You have been in the
water! You were fishingW Son drip.
ping)--"Yes, ma'am; / was in tho water,
but got boy out who might have been
drowned" Parent-'Indeed! Who was
III" Boy--"Myself."
A Detroit telephone got out Of order,
and tho man who was sent to fix 1t up
discovered that hole had been punched
| in the instrument by somebody who had
innocently thought he could hear better
through it that way.
She-why did you come to the country
so late this year2 He (recently married)
Il have been rsnsacking the city to get
a stylish fiat for next winter. but j
couldn't find one. She--Y0u are not az
lucky as your wife.
Look here, waiter" called feeder al
found in this turtle soup" eyes, see.
tween tho turtle and the hare? 2" Eyes,
what of it2" why, in this case the hair
and the turtle came in even"
"Are those onions fresh?" Certainly
marin, they were pulled this morning"
Then, as his customer walked away with
her purchase the truthful dealer pulled
some more-from barrel-aud batting
his stall with a bunch. sat down and
waited for the next gudgeon.
"Do look at that young couplew whisp,
cred Mr.. Bass. Anybody would know
they were just married. How silly he
acts, aud right before folks, too p Don't
be too hard on tho poor fellow" replied
Mrs. Bass; che probably hasn't anybody
else to mako love to just at present"
~ say, Jimmy, yer at very hard luck,
an feel sorry for yer" said small boy
to companion. whats de matter? /
hain't got no hard luck" do yer moan
to say yer don't know wots goin' on up at
yer house ?" "No, | amt heard nothin'.
| What is itW "Dere's a man unloadin'
cord wood in do lano."
A Nashville hackmsu, whose patience
had been exhausted answering questions
as to how his horses came to have a pink
color, pasted the following placard,
written by himself, upon the side of his
| coach; "Them horses got pinked by
beiD left in tho rain with red fly net on.
1t amt no use askin more kestions
about it,"
A Nineteenth street man has driven
the cats out of his neighborhood. He
coaxed an animal of that description into
his hall bedroom one day recently and fed
it on sweotoned dynamite. He then
/ waited until the concert had bepun when
he dropped the loaded beast out of tho
window, Tho next morning the back Of
the house looked as II hash foundry had