The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1884-05-01
THE F0OLKlLLER,
And the Immediate Need for His Services I'm
the Ranks OF the Democratic Party.

And the Immediate Need for His Services In
the Ranks OF the Democratic Party.
TO the Editor Of the Dispatch:
There used to be friend OF mine on the
borders Of North Carolina aud Virginia
who, every now and then. when the
notion took him, was in the habit OF
putting on his war-paint and taking
up his cudgels, and, going around,
would kill all the fools in his neigh
borhood or thereabOut. His name was
Evans, and his county, according to
my best recollection, was Rockingham,
with the 1ourlshIng town OF Milton as its
seat. He was called and known by all
friends and good citizens as "The Fool
Killer" and great services have | known
him to render to the public by the judi
cious use Of his bludgeOn.
The purpose OF this note Is now to in
quire OF the oldest inhabitant- who is the
senior editor Of the Dispatch whether
that man Evans is now living. know he
has q son in the world, but is the old man
himself still on hand2
II he is, there is more good work for him
to do Just now than he has done or can do
in lifetime. IL he we're to live another
hdNN uOb oDdNO III OhN bihNi
article to measure out all OF his territory
or point out all Of his important duties, but
can only invoke his special services in
mediate attention.
The world at the present time Is full OF
fOOls-as our old friend Doe sticks used to
say, full OF "daphm phOols"; but the ne
ceSsity Of the present case is to have pOr-
ton Of these fools effectively killed off, and
killed oil as soon as possible! Evans, Of
Milton. y. c." Tom Evans | think,
was his name--is the man, with his cudgel.
to Kill these rowing and dangerous pests OF
society and politics.
The first and most prominent OF these
dangerous characters il Henry Watterson,
Of the Louisville COurier-,jOurndi, who is
prowlng about Washington city in his
madness. and, with his pestiferous paper,
il throwing all the brands OF confusion
and perpetual discOrd into the ranks OF the
Democratic party Of the country which it
is possible for a madman to do. His lu-
macy is on the tariff question, andh he thinks
hat is all OF Democracy, and that he wat
tcrSon) is the only prophet. He wants to
read Randall and many other Democrats
far older and better than himself out OF the
party, and though we only have one OF the
three aW-making branches of the Govern
ment, and have not had for twenty-four
years. he (Watterson) wants TO give the
Republicans another twenty-four years
lease 10y absurdly cOntending that nobody
| but MorriSon-bll man ought to be recog-
nizcd rs member OF the Democratic party
OF the nation
ANY such natural lunatic as that ought
to he killed outright by the FoOl-killer-
! hat is TO say, there should be no purga-
| tory or hereafter left for such breed OF
,taI-gaZers and dlSorganizers.
Wat erson, however, though the princi-
pal. is not the only convict OF the criminal
gang OF Democratic highwaymen who
deserve the special attention OF the Fool
Killer.
There is Morrison himself, OF Illinois,
author OF the very unnecessary and foolish
=" horizontal tariff bill now pending in
| Congress. di-tracting the Democratic party
of the country. and furnishing food to our
enemies. II that bill, or anything like il,
were TO pass the Democratic House, it
could not possibly pass the Republican
Senate or the Presidents veto, and TO press
il upon the country rs a test and leading
issue of Democracy at this time is simply
an outrage upon the Democratic party,
which could only originate with those bOr-
dering on lunacy or something worse. Let
| ". K. Morrison share the same fate OF the
leading criminal, WattersOn, and fall I'M
der the second blow of the FoOl-killer'S
bludgcOn.
| And then there is a man by the name OF
| Hurd. a member OF Congress from Ohio.
who has also run mad on the tariff ques-
| ton. and wants TO run the Democratic
party OF the country to perditiOn upon a
single abstract idea OF free trade. What
| brains he has left should be Immediately
| knocked out OF his Uranium by iudiciOus
stroke from the arm Of the FOol-killer.
Why should such dangerous members OF
society be longer permitted TO distract and
endanger the success OF the great Demo-
cratic party OF the country and perpetuate
Radical rule?
And then. again, there il a man by the
name OF Iutchins. OF the Washington Post
who j. also noted crank on the question
OF the tariff and free trade, and Is doing his
level best to run the Democratic party TO
the devil on that horizontal line. Let him
also be killed outright by Eyans's club
without the hope Of recovery.
I'm addition to these there are several
others who Justly merit the same fate a.
dangerous dlsorganizers, but a proper dis
match of these head cranks and criminals
will probably be sufficient to deter the
Others and correct the evil which now
threatens TO Overwhelm the Democratic
party i'm disastrous defeat in November
next. But there are still Others. however,
who, while perhaps not deserving the
| full measure OF the law in the death
nenaltv. nevertheless deserve TO be
properly reminded OF their grave er.
ror and restored TO proper sense
OF their dangerous offence by being gently
tanned on the head by the FoOl-killer's
club: and among these we may mention
Hon. Ran. Tucker, who seems not little
cranked. and two or three editors IN our
state whose names need not be particularly
mentioned. but whose ineXcusable agita-
ton OF the tariff question, TO the serious
injury OF our party, deserve stern rebuke
and a solid reminder from the Immediate
appearance Of the Fool-Killer with his
nonderous weapon OF punishment, like
the battlc-aXes OF old heroes, high-pending
over their craniums.
Mr. Editor, il this useful man Evans can
be- found send him forth ut once, armed
capdDie, for the immediate and important
work which / have pointed out, and with
special instructions not to return To the
democratic wigwam without the scalp OF
every mothers son OF the wild Indians
mentioned. DELAYS are dangerous.
k. VI. q.
FOREST FIRES IN MICHIGAN.