The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1884-11-22
FLASHES OF FUN.
Specimens OF Wit and Humop
Culled From Many Sources.

Good humor is do safes quality in
man. AS long as de dog ways his tail
dar ain no danger in him.
1t is said that IL you take string and
wrap II three times around Chicago
girls foot you have her exact height.
"Will you have a % cent dinner, sir,
or 80 cent one?n "What is the differ
ence between the two?" "Ten cents
sir -"
Hell want you to understand, miss,
that you can't make fool of me. She
l am not so irreverent as to suppose |
could improve on the Divine handi-
work.
The cold winds of autumn remind the
farmers that 1t will soon be time to nut
their cattle under cover. Ie who have
steers to shed prepare to shed them now.
lawyer engaged in case tormented
u witness so much with questions that
the poor fellow cried for water.
"There," said the Judge. ~ thought
you'd pump him dry"
A barber says that it is the rich who
become bald the soonest. No wonder.
A poor man can't afford to indulge in
the luxury of the hair tonic which
cheers, yet deterlorates.
"What are woman's rights ~ de-
manded frenZied female orator, glarlng
ut her audience. "What are woman's
rlghtsg" she repeated. "Funeral rites,
answered voice near the door.
"Is land high in Vermont ?" asked n
Spectator OF an old Green Mountain
farmer. You just bet it is" was the
reply. "lf the trees wasn't so stunted
the clouds couldn't get by at ALL
Mrs. Gimps," said little girl the
other day, "my mother sent'me over to
invite you to come and take tea with
u.s. did she say what time | should
Gomez" mo, ma'am; she only said you
should come and then 1t would be other
mind.
81 suppose" he remarked, as he re-
turned from the barber shop with his
hair cropped closely to his head, "you
Will call attention now to the size of my
ears" "Oh, no." she replied. sweetly,
that would be altogether unnecessary,
DEAR
A lady reader writes that she had
been losing her hair recently, and wants
to know what she shall do TO prevent 1t :.
Either keep your bureau drawer locked.
or else discharge the hired girl and get
another Of complexion differing from
yours.
New York millionaire-"Are the girls
locked up for the night, wife 2" YES"
Coaohman chainedyp "Yes.n "Has
the patent butcher-oatcher in the front
yard been oiled so that it works well 2"
Yes" swell, we might as well chlo-
reform the gardener and go to sleep"
"Well, that debt is settled. thank
goodnessW exclaimed u youth MS he
came out of his tailor's shop. "Why.
did you pay him already for that suit
you bought last week ?" inquired his
friend. mo, but 1t amounts TO the
same thing" SLOW SOP" ~ offered
to pay him, but he told me not to mem
ton it,and you can Just bet never will"
"Yes, BRETHREN" says the clergyman,
who Is preaching the funeral sermon,
"our deceased brother was cut down in
a single night-torn from the arms Of his
loving wife, who Is thus LETT disconso-
late widow, at the early age Of - years. -
"Twenty-two, II you pledse," sobs the
widow, in the front pew, emerging
from her handkerchief for an instant.
A Rock Ferry girl told her young man
that she would never marry him until
he was worth n thousand dollaas. So
he started out with brave heart to
make II. slow are you getting on,
George?" she asked at the expiration of
couple of months. We'll" George
said. hopefully, 81 have saved 81 So
The girl. dropped her eyelasbes, and
blushingly remarked, 81 think that's
near enough, George"