The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1884-12-10
VARIETIES.


t.lkles. Is he a baseball catcher?6
no, my son, he is only a candidate.
lie has been shaking hands,,
At a Scatechetical examination in Scot
iand little girl was asked: ''Why did
Cae 1sraelltes make golden calf?" She.
answered: "They hadna as muckle siller
as was made coo.v
Mamma, Johnny has eaten all the
marmalade." She marmalade Johnny
over her knee, and told him that there
was many a slipper between the boy and
the Whlpper.-San Francisco Pest
Because a Chicago girl leaves her
shoes outside of the door of her room in
a hotel to be polished, it does not excuse
the porter for knocking, and asking if
she wants "those valises taken down to
the office to be checked" e
Sunday-school teacher-When George
Washington was little boy what was
1t he said he could not do? Small
i Scholar. He could not tell lie. "And
why could he not tell lie?" Because
he knowed he'd got licked for it."
They are expecting the minister to din
ner. lis everything all ready my dear ?p
asked the head of the house Eyes, he
can come now as soon as he likes"
Have you busted the family Bible ?'
Goodness gracious forgot that"
At a cattle show countryman said:
Call them your prize cattle? Amt
nothln' to what our folks raised. My
father raised the biggest calf of any man
round our parts 81 don't doubt it,
said bystander, land the noisiest."
Arabella ION her toes in chair,
clutching convulsively at her skirts)
ooh! Bridget mouse mouse come
and catch it, quick !" "Shure, mum,
there's no hurry. If this one gets away
| can catch plenty more for yer, mum"
A little daughter of minister, after
silently watching her father write his
sermon, asked Papa, does God tell
YOU what to write in a sermon?" With
some little hesitation the clerical gentle
man replied in the affirmative. 'EThen
papa, why do you scratch it out again ?'
My DEAR" said pious nurse girl to
her four-year old charge on Second ave-
nue. the other morning, my dear, are
you little Christian ?'' ''No, l amt, "
responded the small boy; 81 amt
Christian at all--I'm democrat. -
Detroit Post.
81 see you are building a new house,
Brown?'' Eyes, you are right" "Made
the money out OF whisky, ! suppose? ~
Mo- ''Why, you are a liquor dealer,
are you not ?" "Oh, yes; but the money
Pm putting into this house was made
out OF the water put in the whisky
81 hope,'' said she to the boy in
school, '1that you do not indulge in the
wicked and filthy practice of smoking
cigars Nav" replied the new boy,
in burst of disdain, 'gimme clay
pipe and some nigger-head tobacco when
you want me to enjoy comfort. None O.
your fancy smokes for me-" And then
She knew that the new boy used to clerk
on raft.
NO." said an old lady, '1'm not one
to talk agin my neighbors, or say any
thing behind their backs. Now, there
is Mrs. Brown, she who lives over in
the corner house, may not like her
very well, still that's no reason why
should run her down. But do feel
miserably sorry for poor Mr.. Brown and
the children"
Uncle Abe was Virginia negro. He
was fond of 'possom. Having caught
one in persimmon tree, he got his wife,
Dinah, to cook it for him. Abe, having
no appetite for it when it was "done
brown requested that it should be
placed in the cupboard until morning.
The favor was granted, and Uncle Abe
laid down before a log fire and went to
sleep His SON, Nose, coming in late,
got the POISON and ate it, laid the
bones down at Uncle Abe's head, smear
ed the old MANS face with grease, and
went to bed. The following morning
Uncle Abe awoke and asked Dinah,
'Whar's dat 'possom?' "In de cup
board,' which she explored and found
it missing. Returning, Dinah inquired:
abe, when did you eat dat 'possom?
Oars de bones at your head, yer face
smells of POISON, and yer hans are
greasv.'' '.May be / did eat dat pos
som, but ii did, it did me less good
dan any 'possom | ever et."
A little boy and girl playing in the
ward. The girl finds an apple under the
tree. and with an exclamation of delight,
begins to bite it. "IIold on said the
boy. Throw it away. The colwy is
comm and if you eat that apple you
will be took sick, an you can't talk, an
the doctor will come an give you some
bad medicine, an then you'll die" The
Girl throws the apple down, and the boy,
snatehing itup, begins toeat it. "Don't, =
the girl cries. won't it kill 90 too"
mo" said the boy, munching the fruit,
.'it won't kill boys. It's only after little
girls. Boys don't have colwy." That
boy will be great politician. --1rkdn-