The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-08-22
WHY WE LAUGH.

| The Boston Star Is at a loss to know how
| II Is that Cleveland had a city named after
him before he was born.
A good cook is said TO be "the father of
| happy dreams" The nightmare is the dark
horse Of the family in this case.
The Rev. Joseph Cook calls himself pam
denominationalist. If he had time Joe
would have used q longer word.-Boston
Post.
The English is queer language. In En-
gland "pony" is &c note; In this coustry,
glass Of beer; in the dictionary, q small
horse.
"Trust men and they will trust you," said
Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Trust men and
they will bust you," says an ordinary, every
day business man.
The cucumber sings TO the watermelon,
while the green apple rolls around In glee I:
"We are crampiDg tonight on the old cramp
ground. Observer.
We suggest that Mr.. Blaine's substitute
and Mr.. Cleveland's substitute get up Joint
debate. Subject: "The issues of the War;
Detroit Journal (Ind).
If the faults of man were turned to virtues
and his virtues TO faults, he would be so
nearly perfect that well, he couldn't stay
here, that's the truth of the matter.-Arkdn.
sdac Irareter.
"Ijzenwegsstillstands d. spl a aats koopw arenbur-
eclonderoverste 7" is the flemish for "under
manager of the railway goods department."
And yet the poor man gets but q small sala-
ry for carrying his ponderous name.
An cid subscriber being handed bis papers
right from the press, asked why the paper
was so damp. The editor said he did not
know unless it was because there was SO
much due on it.-Denrer Republican.
"Will you have salt on you eggsP" asked
the hotel waiter Of the guest. "Oh, no; they
are not at all fresh" Then the waiter went
out 10 consult the landlord to see If the hotel
had been insulted.-Merchdnt Traueier.
"What time does the 10 o'clock train 90 ?"
asked a woman with a dozen bundles who
hurried into the Grand Central Depot THE
morning. ''The 10 o'clock train goes at 9:60,"
said the ticket agent with his blsndest smile.
~. y. Mail.
81 tell yer wot, boys" exclaimed old Ben,
the toughest man In the camp, sit made a
feller feel kinder watery rouRd the lids to
hear that little chit Of q thing a-settin' up
thar like an angel asayin' her prayers so
cute, MARY had little lamb or suthin' or
tibet sort."-ROchester Union.
The wooden statue Of George Washington,
erected on the old Battery Park, New York,
IN l79l, has been bought by a tobacconist,
who will give George q bunch Of cigars to
hold, and stand the father of his country out
where fellow can shoot tobacco guilds at him.
This comes from not being able TO tell q lie.
A verdict Of murder In the first degree had
just been brought In. "Your Honor," said
the prisoners counsel, rising and addressing
the court, 81 demand q new trial." "On
what grounds" asked the Judge. "On the
ground that some members Of the jury are
incompetent to render just verdict. Among
them are an undertaken, a rope manufactur-
er, florist, and a dealer In mourning goods"
new trial was granted.
When q Philadelphia father chded bis
daughter for allowing a young gentleman
visitor 10 kiss her, she replied, with some
spirit, 81 couldn't help IL, pa. After he had
kissed me the first time told him to stop 1t,
aud be didn't mind me at ALL" And the
next day, when her father brought home q
base ball catcher's mask and told her TO wear
1t when her young gentleman friend called,
she was mean enough to call him q hateful
old thing, and TO declare that II IL wasn't for
the fact that IL would make q good hustle,
she'd smash IL to atoms.-PLild. Chronicle
Herald.