Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-01-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

Ii II1NA4 4h hIOIls w III
WIT AND HUMOR.
Flooral decorations-rugs.-Roches
cr Post.
A deer child-a fawn.-Portlanc
Transcript.
Santa Claus. So does cat.-Pitts
burgh Telegram.
A ruler over men never ought t
be crooked.-Picayune.
Top boots cover a multitude o.
shins.-New York journal.
The "poets' scorner" in a newspa
per is usually the editor.-Rochestel
Express.
Niagara falls. Well, you wouldn't
expect it to run up hill, would you
Rochester Post.
A Joint resolution-the resolution
of the landlady to have leg Of NUT
ton for dinner.-Lowell Courier.
"Anna, what must you do before
everything else to have your sins for
given ?" Commit the sins. "-Ex.
The use of alligator leather has be-
come so general that it causes the
slaughter, every year, Of 100000
pigs.-Peck's Sun.
The Washington Hatchet announces
that prose and verse will be paid for
at the regular rates, and that "the
rate for verse is death"
A Frenchman is teaching donkey
to talk. What we want in this coun-
try is a man who will teach donkeys
not to talk. Boston Post.
Prot: Swing says that "poetry arises
fTOln the TACT thdJ man fii- - soe
two things at once" And yet all in
ebriates are not poets.-Graphic.
Baker Pasha goes to take command
at Soudan. The Baker will, of course,
take charge of the flower of the
Egyptian army.-Pittsburgh Tele-
graph.
The Koran says God is with
the patient" After the doctor is
called in, however, it often happens
that the patient is with God.-Boston
Transcript.
The New York Morning Journal
calls the taffy-maker a stuck-up man.
Well, we can put up with great
deal from candid fellow.-Boston
Budget.
An Indiana family that uses black
tea because they are in mourning, are
probably as sincere mourners as
though they wore Grape on their hats.
-Peck's Sun.
You can rent sealskin sacque in
Chicago for $50 n season. This is
cheaper than house rent, for woman
can live in sealskin sacque on the
street all NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald.
John T. West has laid the last
brick in hotel at Minneapolis, cost
ing 81 800, ,0O0.-Chicago Times. Mr..
West is, no doubt, judicious builder,
but it does look as if he has been a
trihe reckless in laying that last
brick.-Louisville Courier.
In railway carriage: "Guibol-
lard asks, very politely, MADAME
does smoking trouble you p "Ol',
yes, monsieur; not ordinarily, but TO-
day" "Ah! madam" replies Cur
bollard, in very symn"th"" tone,
chow much you arc Her.
Paris Paper.
The ToAas siftin, ,ly re-
marks that "if you grave
dug in Memphis they / pay
cash in advance" Il )thing
very wrong in that. low a
man to try on his grav will
never come back TO pa Plea
yune.
In Armenia children are sometimes
betrothed while yet in the cradle.
The matrimonial engagement is not
quiet so headlong in this country
but now and then q young couple
here are married who ought to be
still in their cradles-though very
few infants are "still" in their cradles
-Norristown Herald.
Newbern, Tenn, has law that i'm
poses fine of not less than S25 OF
more than $50, on any person whe
goes into saloon on Sunday. The
citizens think it is very unjust law
that impels man to enter saloon
on Saturday night and remain there
until Monday neutrality-suspicious.
Herald.
81 met X on the avenue this after
noon with his bride. They have just
returned from their wedding tour
"Where are they going to live?' 81
don't know. He told me he had been
house-hunting since yesterday morn
ing, and intended to take flat.
"Ah indeed; he has decided to fol
low his wife's example. New York
Tribune.
The least destructible portion o.
the human body is the hair. In Egypt
it has been known to survive 1900
years. And the Egyptian women
were not careful of their hair, either
as are the women of the present day