New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-07-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
Schoolmasters should be entitled to
rank among the ruling classes.
The modern dandy can truthfully
exclaim: q haven't the least idea!"
The wine cup is tho father Of sin;
and the whisky jug 10 the step farther.
A Connecticut man has invented =
paper carpet. OF course it will be
read.
The milk of human kindness, like
the quality of mercy, should never be
strained. !
When q mans looks speak volume
the best thing he can do is to Asll M
for old junk. ~
A paper chimney 80 feet Flgh has
been erected at Breslau, Francs. Conn
posed OF drawing paper, probael
Some people bang . door, whila other
people adore bang. We maj e 2
point to let nothing escape our nser-
walton. ~
The man who can keep the Z, q 81
the ball games this season ought z Abe
appointed to superintend the mkt
census.
A lot of steel wire spring beds have
been shipped to New Zealand. The
natives are tired Of frying missionaries
on forked sticks.
Little Flaxen Hair-Papa, it's rain
ing. Papa somewhat annoyed by work
in hand We'll, let it rain. Little
Flaxen Hair (timidly) II was going to-
The picnic season is upon u, and
the greatest ambition Of the average
young man is to have some one invent
pair of pants the color of custard
pie.
Some men are born great, some
achieve greatness, and some write 49,
SIG, 547, 632, 900 words on a postal card,
and grasp fame right by the back Of
the neck.
When hen gets on her nest for q
short time she ''lays," but when she
retires for couple of weeks she
''sets.' A hen is nothing if not un-
grammatical.
A factory at Utica, N. Y, turns out
5000 sets of human teeth per day for
the low price of $3.50 per set. At this
rate the praises of Utica should be in
everybody's mouth.
''Some day in the hence hope to be
cremated," says Kate Field. But Kate
is a very superior person. Your ordi-
nary young woman is satisfied to be
ice-cream-mated in the now.
A Kentucky girl treated gray-hair-
ed tramp kindly and he has died and
left her a snug fortune. Some tramp,
disguised as q gentleman, will now
probably want to marry her.
The following advertisement appears
in q Wisconsin paper, ''Wanted-A
medium-sized house for man and wife
as near new as possible. This is q
delicate way of informing the public
that this couple haven't been married
long.
A thieving young Pittsburg dentist
has eloped with the daughter of a
Philadelphia nabob. and all the laugh
ing-gas ever used by the new son-in-
law wouldn't create the ghost of q
smile on the old gentloman's counten-
ance.
- :. no+ ,,oaa.n4 .t.s. -, -.
been reneating in vonr best VOICE sav.
eral operatic Gems. to have vonr friend
look IN with wearied conntenanca
and ask you ''if you hadn't just as lief
sing as do that, you know. Boston
Transcript,
s'What q dreadful old nuisance that
vonno man at = marty tina other nioht.
:.she talks ma to dasthO ..Sir,'i e.i3
the Young man. II viii inform Won
that The woman Won sneat ~ q M
mother. .
..non,+ ~, s;nn ~. T.,ao...,,. -,
Miss Triiliioo asked At the mnsic r.si
..Well. not quite. . replied the Old man.
,.but / come pretty near beinp mnsicai.
I lust shave the notes. > and fttle MIN
Trilliloo Thought he was ! barber.-
Bs.rzi,,qton Ha,vkeve. 7,..l.s
Henry Irving thinks Americas is too
large. If the eminent tragediansWill
only wait until the presidential CAM
pairn ionens. and the native stump or.
tor begins to spread himself he viii
understand that Il takes whole prairie
to hold one of us. Y +'ts5s +
Z. ..no.4o,. :, .;a 4l,a ..+oe,,, reliant
Selling the physicians hand, II shall
never forget that toyou I owe my life. .
.sYou exaogerate, . said. the doctor
mildly; ..you only owe me for fifteen
visits: that is the point I hope YOU will
not fail to remember
4 n,.ck1 doctor Who was oivinc tes-
timnnu - : Can Fr.nc;soo eenmrt s vas
asked if he had ever performed the op.
GRAFTON Of decapitation. ooh, yes,'',
he said; II have done that often, Oft.
en- '.Always successfully?'' .sNevet
lost a patient under it
q M Ko,,v u a,nts - mn h;a motor
:. nj pI.1A Ag .' ~ ~ ,..S 1..SsS.