The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1884-12-27
Not Through Weakness.

| OF the Irohlbltlon ticket, has been Tor
years dyspeptic. The hard work of
the campaign and his forced irregularity
of eating aggravated the disease to such
an extent that his friends seriously
feared that his health had been help
lessly broken. Several days ago a
physician in whom the Colonel has
| great faith was called.
Colonel" said he, dyspepsia is an
extremely difficult disease to handle,
and even if done so successfully the
! progress of the cure is almost imper-
ceptibly slow. Little help en- be ex-
pected from medicine. Follow my ad,
vice, now, and L assure you that
much benefit viii be the result Get
you a quart of first rate apple brandy
and take a tablespoonful Immediately
after each meal. This is an old remedy,
and one that when correctly followed
has never failed"
But my dear doctor, am temper
ance man. | have scOrned the use of
| alcohol as a medicine, believing that
| their are other remedies Just as potent"
"All right. If you allow fanaticism to
stand III the way of your health | have
| nothing more TO say Take my medi-
cine and abuse it and it becomes great
evil"
Il never drank drop of liquor in
my life, doctor"
"No matter. 1t will know how to act.
| The influence of brandy is not a mat
| ter of education, Colonel. A man may
be seventy-fve years Old, and may
never have taken a drop, yet, let him
| Il L and no +b,n,,rl, h.,
| Torrance Just as well as an old actor"
My goodness doctor, you do
not advise me to get drunk, I hope?"
"Of course not. l advise you to re-
main strictly sober. | only mention
| the fact of drunkenness to assure yo
| that the brandy Will know how to act.
1t will not be surprised when you
swallow it but will go quietly to work"
"And you think that brandy viii cure
me?"
Taken as I direct, yes"
The Lord knows [ have suffered
enough. When you go by the drug
store / wish you would tell 'em to send
me up quart"
The brandy came Just before dinner.
Immediately after the meal Mrs. Cad
layer went down town on business, and
the Colonel went into the library, took a
spoonful of brandy and lay down on
sofa
must acknowledge that I feel bet
ter, he unused. No doubt it is great
medicine if properly handled" He
arose and stood with one elbow on the
mantelpiece. How / have suffered
from this terrible disease. III take an
other spoonful" He measured another
spoonful. "Ah, hah-voo-the vile
stuff What's the use of talking this
way? l act as though l am afraid some
terrible calamity viii happen If l am
found III its presence. l haven't felt so
well i'll many day. Medicine? Well,
yes" Here he turned up the bottle,
and, as the boys would term it, took a
pretty stiff drink. He walked out into
the garden and began q conversation
with an old negro who stood by the
fence. He was pleased to see that his
irritability of temper had left him, and
that instead of being nervous and easily
startled he laughed when the dog ran
against him. He went into the house
and took another drink. Then he sat
down and read newspaper. He
aughed at humorous article, lost his
place, began reading the cotton market
report, bat continued to laugh Pretty
soon he took another drink, leaned op
the mantelpiece, crossed his legs, and
unused: IF | amt cured already, Satans
hog. The days of miracles are not yet
over. What Miracles over? Well, l
should say not" He took another
drink. "a man who says that miracles
are over is of the short horn stock.
Miraclessoverl Whoever heard of the
| like?" He went to the window. IS
there" he called to man on wagon,
"what'll you take for that load of wood ?"
"Whoal What you say?"
"What'n you take for that load of
wood?"
This amt wood. It's hay"
That's all right. How's the folks ?"
"Git upi" flashing his horse
Wont you stay and have drink ?"
| whoa"
The farmer came in and took a drink.
| The Colonel took one.
sit down." said his host.
NO; / amt got time"
We'll, have another drink?"
"Iil Jine you"
The farmer and the Colonel drank.
The Colonel laughed and the farmer,
drawing the sleeve of his jeans coat
across his mouth, grinned.
My Lor', thar goes my team" shout
ed the countrymaD, rushing from the
room. "Whoa, thar, whoap
"IIl help your generously exclaimed
the Colonel. They rushed through the
streets yelling whoa The Colonel
thought he saw a mud-hole away down
the street, but before he could check
| his wild career he ran into it. When
he came out he was reekiDg with ooze.
| During his absence his wife returned.
While he was fumbling with the gate
latch she came to the door and said:
$50 on away from here. We haven't
anything for you"
| Julie, don't you know me?"
"My Lord o heavens! What on earth
| is the matter2"
"Nothin' matter on earth. Trouble
is down In the earth. Got case knife
about you?"
"You good for nothing wretch you got
| drunk on that brandy. You ought to
| be ashamed of yourself to be so weak 3"
Wasn't cause | was so weak love !;
cause brandy was so strong. Whoop |!
bring in the returns"
Local item in daily paper Owing to
a severe attack of dyspepsia Col. Thorn
as Gadlayer. the great temperance ora
tor, will not speak at the opera house
| tonight.
| The locomotive Ell Gobernado. buiIt
at the railroad works at Sacramento.
has been sent down to the 1ehachipi
Pass. This is the largest locomotive in
the world. Its weight is considerably
more than 100 tons, and it has ten large
drivers, five on side. It was named
after Gov. Stanford.
RAILROAD PRESIDENT JFwETT's sala-
airy has been $4,000 year for ten years.