The Middleburgh post. [volume] (Middleburgh, Snyder Co., Pa.) 1883-1916, 1884-06-05
WIT AND IiUMOIS

uown. -O1 cay D,rTicG
do you believe IN Iato, Briigct"
asked tho op-stairs girl of the cook.
''Shurc an ii Oi didn't, dyer s'posc
Ord he after buyiu' shocs?"
A Western Congressman says; "Ev-
cry man who comes 10 Congress has
two IDEAS" But. after sar'h cXaggcrG-
tion rs this, nobody cares 10 know
what this Western Congressman has to
say.
il h very fNnhy, but MS general
i,alc tho waiter in swell restaurant Is
about tho only person about the prxli-
jscs who doesn't wait for anything.
Tho man who orders the chop does
most Of the waiting.
a New Yorker has incurred tho dis
pleassrc OF all the undrrtakers ia thai
city, and they talk Of boycotling him.
He has inNcn,cd httlc spring to at
tech To gas Jets so that whom the II ,ht
is blown out the gas will be turned OIL
-No,riStoeoa Herald. ~
Colonel George J.. Perkins, al Not
ia u rceett interview: 81 have buried
six family physicians ard still live "
Tho Colonel could alak. y for,Ino by
certifying to the particular brand Of
patent medicine he used.
j. western zephyr carried cow s.
quarter Of n mile through the air. and
set her down la ziilkiaah's yard tie
WAS 20 scared that he stopped grinding
chalk. aud ran four miles for rifle 10
shoot the curious looking creature
with.--Buriington Free Press.
Don't SANDER your ncxt-door neigh
Dor. lie may be ~ impoverished cir
cuiustanccS, aud have few II any
ffsnda. Don't speak Ill Of any man
until YOU are positive rs 10 the exact
amount no can lift and tho nature Of
the person when aroused.
40 no. you don't laugh and grow
fat" That idea il all wrong. The
sentence should be reversed. You grow
fat and laugh. When YOU fat up you
have something to laugh. And other
people have something 10 laugh al.
Especially when you try 10 button
your shoes IN railway car.
a New York man adverrsscs "a safe,
quick, and reliable corn remover With
out tho application of knife or caustcs,
no pain experienced Price only 81. "
A young man who never walks out
without wishing ho could leave his feet
at homo forwarded 81, and two days
af,crward received by express live
crow.
Chicago has n Coaching Club. We
always thought the great need Of Chi
cago was something Of that kind. We
don't know how contagious Coaching
Club is, but as IL has taken Chicago six
years t. catch it from New York. St.
Louis will probably break out with il
about tho time tho Henncpin Ship
Canal Is completed.
During the sermon. enc Of thc quar-.
tet fell asleep. "Now's your chants. "
said the organist to tho soprano. "Soo
il YOU canticlc tho tenor. "Yuu
wouldn't dare duet" said the contral-
to. 'You'l Il wake hynln up suggest
cd the bass. Il ooVld make u better
pun than that as sure as my name \
Psalm" remarked tho boy that pumped
the organ; but he said Il solo that ne
ono quartet.
Dumlcy was making an evening call.
and the nice little boy OF the family had
been allowed to remain up little
later than usual. Ma" ho said,
Auipg y hall in tho conversation. "cah
whisky ta!ks" "Certainly noi." said
mn; "what nut that absurd notion into
your head?" "Well," he replied, -
heard You say TO pa that whisky was
telling on Mr.. Dum!ey, and l wantaI
to know what IL said"
We want Cinnamon, but wo want
them long way oil. Tho fiat has
gone forth that no Celestial shall ever
gaze on the woody gulchcs Of tho
C9ur d'Alcnc aud live, II he insists
on coming however, let him bring .
rosSt pig. plepty .of ireHackcrs and
colored paper. and all tho essentials
for n frst-class Chinese funeral. He
needn't bother about bringing tho
corpse, thoughs IL will be in readiness.
---Ceur dAleae Nugget.
Two dudes talk: law, Cholly, ! see
theah il going to be some change in
twousahs this spwiug," ';Some what.
GusP" sSame change. don't YOU
know" NAV, you don't sayP Woll,
Pm dahn glad Of it, foh ba Jawvc,
theah's been SO littlo In mine foh
thweo months, that weally / wouldn't
know 4 twade dollah from q silvah in-
dividual buttah plate, don't you know. y
Tho officer who opens tho court is
called the .'crier." On one occasion
the said officer had lost his wife. who
had led him nm uncomfortable life, and
no was, of course, absent from his post.
When the court came in the Judge, rs
usual, said: "Mr. Cricr. open the
court" A young and facolious LAWYER
addressed the Court MS follows: inlay
it please your Honor. Mr.. B can
not cry to-dayi he has lost his wife"
At q Boston seanco disconsolate
widower succeeded In establishing
communication with his wife, who had
passed into the spirit land from the
Hub, of whose aesthetic circles she had
been n member. The man inquired II
she was happy, and II che liked her
new surroundings. TO which she re-
piled: "Woll, dear. it is very charm
ing and lovely and all that but OF
course you know. dear. 1t isn't Bosten." "
Mrs. h. was speaking of Mrs. Us.
| rainy-day attire rs combination
''polonaise and waterproof cloak. "
when little Bijah wanted to know II
her ''apolonaris waterproof cloak was
made of glassp" "Madc Of glass!
'Why, what do you moan. childP"
"Oh," replied Bijab, ''you alNays
speak of Mrs. J. as that meek little
bottled up woman and / thought that
-" His thoughts on the subject were
diverted by box on the ear.