New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-12-17
NEW ULM I,.erndRETs l7 lsszl
sytr And HuDIOR.

WfT And lIIDIOR.
hen man is 20 he calls her 8 tur-
tledove, and when he is 40 he thinks
her 9 swapping turtle dove
An old lads, whose grandson was
about to proceed to the Black Sea,
among other parting admonitions gave
him strict injunc tions not to battle in
that sea, for she did not want him to
come back a darkey.
After her other had given her
q good scolding, little mischief was
overhead to say to herself: .sSomeb body
is cross in this room; faint me, and
tain dolly. and faint kitty. I Won-
der who it is p'' Harper''s Bazaar.
On what grounds do you leave me
without the customary week s noticep''
Indignantly asked Thirteenth Ward
boarding house mistress of q leaving
boartler. Coffee grounds, madam,
coffee grounds he fartly replied.
When a woman becomes so absent
minded as to forget to hold her hand
50 that the light will fall on her dia-
mond ring, it is safest for her husband
to give her q wide berth. She is doing
some dangerous thinking. Fail Rive,.
AlDGnce.
The cause Of civilization advances.
Some Of the railway waiting room
doors in Massachusetts, are now marked
respectively Men, and Nv omen, = in-
stead Of '.Gentlemen' & and Ladies'
Probably no self-respecting n-painter
ever sank to painting Gents on q sta
ton door. Bnfal0 Courier.
A Southern journalist says: '.n the
Americans don't hurry up, Germans
and Englishmen will bar the way to-
Mexico: Cant say as to the English,
but you can gamble on it that if the
Germans get the least bit Of encourage
ment they will bar the way to Mexico
and have their little barrel Of beer on
tap under the bar, too.
Heine tells in. his corresponds Of :
resident Of Frankfort who, used to In
terlard his conversation with frequent
EXPLANATIONS Of, m jew, and I'm
proud Of it. z ''Why are you proud Of
itp" finally asked some one. Because
if wasn't proud of it I should be a
jew all the same; consequently it is to
my advantage to be proud Of it. :
A young man once went to Vicks-
burg, Miss, and announced that he was
going to publish s.llvely, spicy paper,
devoted to local affairs. Next day
several one-armed, one-!egged, and
one.eyeu genIaelnen ca,lel " nun !. anu
advlsea nlin noS ~. - w y, pecause Cney
nao 1rleG y anu y alun seem 20 SUIT
me people Q! 1nose paris. some PEG
Pc nave ~ lless VI 'rue' Au'ilol -Des'-
1s''aoTe A''se'sco''.
First bridesmaid ..Y ou never tell?''
Second bridesmaid con course, not, I
never do, you know. /" First brides
maid Well, she told me in strict con-
fidence, understand, that though Jack
was poor they were going to travel all
oun ~ anu supp ~ Ine Dgsl hG ,,e
anu .ia ..n my ~. slg money ~ selnn
.uola uup .hsaI Mu1mn p.osen.s. :
Wonue - ~ Mne.nel nny spoons arg paying
par. u Tue expenses
y see you advertise goods TO be sold
for q mere song SAID ne, as ne step
ped into furniture store on Washing
ton street. Yes, sir, answered the
gentlemanly proprietor. ''Well, now,
let me see; ! ike !ii that red plush sofa
there, and VIII sing you When the
hoDln 1 Nes1 Aga s, Ior s; y. az iasl &C,
v :. ~. Was aple W =. " ~ cvu, anu
I h 10 con,naes pa ne VII pals PROD
ao4y :. ~. = : "e !. 'o''o'' s, /. o'''
= schoolmaster IN Iowa called his
prettiest pupll 70 ms desk ana asked
her y she would marry MN, She re.
plled promptly mat she would not. III
you were tne iast man ., on eartn, and !!
was ~ instead OF 10, she added, q
wouldn't take you Kesumlng his
character OF 9 pedagogue, he decided
tnat ner language was dlsrespectful,
ana feruled the hand Which ne could
no1 81 -! m 1V me slrl now
SUES nim ~ u'''nases'
A countryman in search OF a head
stone Tor his mothers grave pitched
upon one the stonecutters had prepared
for another person. = like this one. :
ne said. 'bnt, " said the other, '.that
belongs to another man, and has Mrs.
ferry's name cut upon IT. It Wouldn.
90 1or your mother. Oh, yes It
would, said; the countryman: ''She
couldn't read. And, besides, he con-
tlnqed, Perry was always tayorlte