Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-10-17
FUN

FUN
4 BEFUDDLED GROOM.-A verdant
looking couple, evidently from the far in
terror, called at the city clerks Office, the
other day. evidently on delicate errand.
1t was quite easy to see from the white rib
bons which decked the bonnet of the girl,
the white gloves in which her hands were
encased, that she was prospective bride.
The young man was very bashful and not
withstanding several nudges and whis-
pered promptings from his lady love, he
could not muster up courage enough to
state his errand. But the genial clerk
helped him over his dilemma and asked /:
do you wish marriage license ?''
1--WE do" responded the maiden.
The necessary blank forms were pro-
duced, and the clerk asked the usual ques-
tions concerning the genealogy and family
history of the candidates for matrimony.
The young man not equal to this ordeal.
slipped away to seat in the corner, while
the bride-to-be gave the required infor-
nation.
1.-THE maiden name of the groom's mo-
Their 2' queried the clerk.
This was too much. She was not ''up"
in the intricacies of the family history of
her intended husband.
s'Samwell !! Samwell ~ she called
"What was your mothers maiden name?"
elbow should l know anything about
it?" responded Samwell. 'She died a
great many years before / was born"
A fellow who came by the railroad being
stranger, strolled about for some time
on the ''outskirts'' of the town in search
of barber. He finally discovered one,
and requested the operator to take off
shilling's worth of hair. The barber trim
med his locks very neatly, soaped up the
remainder very handsomely, and then
combed and brushed him till his head
looked as if it belonged to some other per-
son than himself.
ssAre you dOne?'' asked the stranger,
as the barber removed the napkin from
his neck.
"Yes, sir" said the barber with polite
bow.
fare you certain that you took off
shilling's worth ?''
Eyes, sir; there's glass, you can look
for yourself"
ssWoII lid tho sfronnor IF vo,1 thipL
you have shilling's worth off, I don't
know as 1 have any use for it, and 1
haven't got no change, 30 you may just
take the hair for your trouble.''
On hearing this the barber made jump
for the man, whereupon he made jump
for the door, which not being bolted, he
bolted himself.
Mrs. Minks .-"W omen's suffrage, in
deed There won't be anything Of the
kind if 1 can help it,"
Miss Finks.-"But why not? Just
think ! With slight change in the law
women could run for any Office.
Mrs. Minks.-" Exactly; and that is why
I oppose it."
Mrs. Finks.-"Well, l do declare ~
Mrs. Ministries; don't care to have
a lot of sweet girl candidates uttOnholing
my husband every time he goes out. He
Is vai2 enough now"
Mr.. Winks.-Jane, have you fed the
dog this morning p
Mrs Winks.-sNo; be doesn't need
anything
Mr.. Winks.-''Why. 1 have not given
him any meat since yesterday morning;
have you 2''
mo, hut one of Maria's fellers called
last night
A SHKEwD WIFE.-"My DEAR" said a
young wife to her husband, who had al
ready fallen into the habit of going to the
lodge in the evening, and who was just
preparing to 60 out, II am going up street
to interview the superintendent of the
postoffice this evening" ''Ahl indeed; on
what business, prayl" 81 want to see if
he can give me any advice in regard to
getting an habitually late male in on
time" The husband blushed, pretended
he was looking for newspaper instead of
his hat, and there was member absent
from the lodge that night.
The BORROWING FAMILY The bor-
rowing family sent their boy. Jack, over
to Mrs. Murphy g to borrow some tea and
sugar, and plate of butter. Mrs. Muir
ply was busy and had no inclination to
lend to neighbors who never returned any
thing they borrowed. at the same time
she did not care to entirely offend them.
''I'd be glad to accommodate yees." she
said politely, ''but Dim in hurry and hav-
emit the time to wait on ye. I've other fish
to fry just now.''
The boy went home and reported that
Mrs. Murphy was too busy to attend to
him. and had other fish to fry, etc.
"And why didn't ye wait." asked his
mother breathlessly. ''Go back and take
another plate with you, and tell Mistress
Murphy you're in no hurry, and mother'd
be much obliged to her for plate of the
fried fish -
A great deal Of fun is poked at the
milkman because he mixes water with
the tactical fluid, but the truth is that he
doesen It do it. He saves his conscience
by putting that duty on the hired man.
The proverb. ''Never cry over split
milk" has tenfold more force now than
whent it was written, for even when you
have spilled it you cannot be perfectly
sure that it was not chalk and water.
A coat oupht to be first class matarial