Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-01-13
ARTENfUS WARD.
Some Interesting "Reminiscences of How
? He Attempted to Guy His Agent and
Beat the Customs Officials.

E He Attempted to Guy His Agent and
Beat the Customs Officials.
Detroit Free Press.
During the last three years Of Charles
F. Brownies (ATtemus Ward) residence
in America, his manager was John p.
Smith, and the other day CHANGING to
meet G. A. Hough, Mr.. Smith was re-
minded of the following experience with
the great humOrist:
In 1860 "Artemus'' was lecturing at
Toronto and his next ''stand" was De-
trOit. As they were about to leave the
Dominion, "Artemus" and his manager
thought it would be a good plan to stock
themselves with various articles of wear
ing apparel. Accordingly Mr.. Smith
bought forty yards of silk for dress for
his wife and "Artemus'' purchased thirty
yards of silk for dress for his wife and
''Artemus" purchased thirty Yards of
English Melton for a suit of clothes, and
after the purchase the great question
arose of how the goods should be smug-
gled across the border.
''Pll tell you what to do" SAID Browne
to Smith; ''stOp of at Windsor and go to
hotel. Get room and going there take
OFF your coat, vest and shirt and wrap the
silk about your body, putting your clothes
over it. Then you can cross the river
without interference"
Mr.. Smith thought the idea good one,
and retaliated by suggesting to carte
NUS that the English Melton might be
wound on the roller with the panorama
canvas and thus escape detection. Both
ideas were carried out, except that when
Mr.. Smith-cOming in advance of the hui
morist and his panOrama-stepped ashore
at the foot of Woodward avenue he was
Familiarity greeted by a stranger with,
Chow are you, Smith? How's sArte-
musY" Thinking the gentleman was one
to whom he had previously been intro
duced but whose name he had forgotten,
Mr.. Smith responded cordially and did not
realize the fact that the stranger was a
customs officer until, after inquiring after
his health. he said: ''YOu look drOpsical,
what ails yOu?'
II am troubled with dyspepsia and fear
it may bring about drOpsy,'' said Mr..
SmRh.
Il can cure dyspepsia or dropsy simply
by laying on of hands. Take off your
coat and let me see," said the stranger.
MIR. Smith, determined to play a bluff
game to the last, took off the coat and
then his vest; but when the stranger said,
take off your Shirt Mr.. Smith asked,
''WhO told you had this silk about me -
The customs officer laughed as he
handed Mr.. Smith letter giving an accu-
rate description of that gentleman's per-
sOnal appearance and stating that he had
the silk wrapped about bis body, the sig
nature to the letter being Charles F.
BrOwne-EArtemUs Ward.7 Mr. Smith
got even by exposing the hiding-place of
Wards" Melton, and the result was, that
while the agents silk went through free
"Artemus" was obliged to pay fine of
$50 for his cloth.
PAYING ATTRACTION.
THAT reminds me,' said Mr.. Hough,
''Of the drawing qualities of 'Artemus
Ward at the time Mr.. Smith speaks OF.
Mr.. Smith came to mel was then MANA
ger of the Athenaum-and wanted to
play with me on a percentage. | knew
the great Charles Kean would be the OPP
posing attraction at Young Mems Hall
and L was doubtful of Wards ability to
do good business with such rival. Ac-
cOrdingly | rented my theatre-I think
for 800 nignt-tO Mr.. Smith. The sale
of reserved seats for both Kean's season
and 'Artemus Wards season began on
the same day at Whitney's music store,
then on Jefferson avenue. BY Tuesday
evening every seat for the Ward lectures
was sold while the take for Kean's season
was only ordinarily fair. Then L realized
that had made a mistake.
FOR MRS. JEFFERSON DAVIS.
'sAbout six months after our appear
ance in Detroit resumed Mr.. Smith, ''we
were filling an engagement at New Or
leans. One day three elderly ladies called
on me at the hotel and said they were
committee from the Ladies' Aid Society
OF Louisiana. | asked them to be seated
and as to what l could do tor them. Then
one of the ladies, hesitatingly, told me
that the mission was a delicate one, as |
was a Northern man who had four
brothers killed in the Union army, and as
my sympathieS were entirely with tho
North. Instantly l felt sure that it was
one of Wards jokes, but [ again asked
the object of the visit, at which the ladies
explained that they had requested Mr..
Ward to deliver a lecture under their
auspices for the benefit of Mrs. jefferson
Davis; thas Mr.. Ward had expressed
deep regret because he was under a sala-
ry to me and could do nothing without my
consent. Ii l was willing, he would
gladly deliver the lecture gratis. He
told us to approach you with diplomacy,
and that he would abide by your de-
cisIon,' continued the lady"
"ThereupOn [ explained to the ladies
that was 10y birth VirgInian, that had
four brothers in the Southern army, that
none of them were killed. and that if !
had any prejudices they favored the
South. Then, satisfying myself that
WARD had tried to put up job on me,
l told the ladies Mr.. Ward would give
them the desired lecture. Without seeing
or saying anything to him about it, | OBJ
tanned the use, free, of the largest hall in
the city, advertised the thing heavily,
visited the Charity Hospital, and got
them to set aside the license fee, and Mr..
Ward delivered the lecture to an audi
ence of over $500 persons, a purse of
nearly $4,000 being tuus obtained for Mrs,
Davis"