Connecticut western news., 1884-10-29
WIT AND WISDOM.

5NGGEss plckeu uR JUG bhASoN NhNAN failure dropped it.
 TIE rule of three-wife, mother-in- law and servant girl.
 SHOULD q mustard plaster be chased among drawing materialsP
 IF stoves cost twenty dollars, what will ton of coal come to? Ashes.
 IF man has nothing to say, he is sure to spend much time and many words in saying it.
 WE may laugh or weep at the mad ness of mankind; we have no right whatever to vilify them.
 AN Irishman says he can soc no earth ly reason why women should not bo al- lowed to become medical men.
 "Mn Swraas, I've just kicked your William out of doors." "Well, Mir. swingle, 1t is the first Bill you footed this many day."
 DEATH does not destroy, but catches. crystalizes, and makes permanent the character of a good man, leaving 1t priceless bequest to society,
 Ex-SESAroR TABOR says the hard pull comes in making the first $50, 900. After that the path leading up to 5000 night. shirts will almost run itself.
 "wHAr is the big corner in pork, I hear about ?" asked Laura. across the cheery tea-table. "rhe big corner in pork, replied Tom, Sis the ham"
 THE Duke of Argyle has figured it out, and says our earth will last 10000 GOO years. It is thought the Bartholdi statue pedestal will be finished by that time.
 "ARE not tho stars silent to-nightP" she said, softly, gazing at them over hia shoulder. "Y-yes, 'the replied, "but do you think they are more silent than usual ?"
 ACoSoREssMANa shouted in his speech; "We must return to the food of our fathers. And what was 1t, ask" A deep voice across the hall replied, "Thistles r
 "WHAT's that on your nose9" asked one man of another. "Oh, that's noth- ing but political gathering" was tho reply. "Idisputed the majority tn Ohio. last evening""
 THERE is man down East, rather a faoetious chap, whose name is New. He named his first child Something; 1t was Something New. His next he named
 Nothing; 1t was Nothing Now. RESOLVE not to be poor. Whatever , you have spend less. Poverty ia great enemy to human happiness. It cer- tainly destroys liberty, and it makes some virtues impracticable and others extremely difficult.
 GREAT care should be taken by the , public not to confound the Coaching , and the Coachmen's Clubs. While tho
 former is made up of gentlemen and
 gentlemen's sons, in the lattor neither
 of these are eligible, only gentlemen's
 sons in-law being admitted.
 "WHY don't you hold up your head as I do ?" asked an sristocratio lawyer of . sterling old farmer. "Squire," said the farmer, "look at that field of grain. You sec that all the valuable heads are
 bowed down, while those that have nothing in them stand upright" THEY were discussing the birds al the late bird show. "Now. Percy, did you" - she exclaimed. "Will you have tho goodness to call me by my right name Charles ?" he returned. "But I have seen your signature" she answered tri,
 umphantly, and she pointed to A reoeipted bill: "Jones, Brown < O., per O. smith,
 Young Smith tainted. THE girl with soft gray eyes and rip, bling brown hair, who walked all over
 your poor futtering heart at tho charity ball, has just finished a crazy quilt con taining 1,06l pieces of neckties and hAi
 Innings, put together with 2I, 800 stitches. And her poor old father faatens on his suspenden with long nail, n piece oi twine, sharp stick aud one regularly ordained button.
 I THE larger boy had a uniform cap on , his head, and the smaller one carried
 an empty kerosene torch. As they , were about 10 separate 10 ''pnrade" , around the block, the larger one said; } "Now, Put, you go down that way. If r you meet a smaller boy than you aro, [ hurrah for any candidate you want to, I but if he Is the biggest, don't you doany ! hurrahing until you find out who he ! hurrahs for. Then you must yell for the same man, or he'll lick ye."
 A GOOD story of the Viennese carni-
 val Is current In the Austrian capital.
 At ball given by the vionncso Choral Society, which is always sure 10 bo 90
 thronged that it is the work of hours
 to roach the entrance, member of q
 well.kndwn financial house hit on on Y original but successful mode of convey I ance. He arranged with four bearers to carry him through the crowd on a hos. ; pital stretcher. Of course the crowd .t made way, and great was their astonish' ment when he throw otl the covering
 and jumped out alive md hearty. A Dangers Of Chemical Experiments.