Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-05-23
HUM0R OF THE DAY.
The easiest thing to kill-Time.

A "green grocer''-One who does not
advertise. - Chicago Eye.
When man goes to the hairdressers
in warm weather he takes short cut.
The best way to prevent hydrophobia
is to crawl upon shed when you see u ,
mad dog coming.
The barber who shampoos a dudes
head has a soft job before him.--Nsa0
Yo1& Morning Journal.
In the social circles of the chicken-yard
the lines are very distinctly drawn, for
each hen has her own set.-Merchant
Traveller
An amateur singer frightened pair Of
canary birds to death. 1t was case o.
killing two birds with ones tone.-Chi.
cag0 Sun.
The early bird does not always catch
the worm; at this season of the year he
generally catches a body full of shot
WarSaW Wasp.
The small hoy now with line and pole
Hatens 10 some babbling brook,
And doth the tnny tribe cajole
10 nibble at h S baitel hook
--Richmond Baton.
A certain poetess is said to make good
jellies as well as good poetry. It is sug-
gested that she make new departure
send her jellies to newspaper offices and
can her poems. ms.--NorriStown Herald.
There are ten millions of artificial teeth
manufactured in the United States every
year, and it is estimated that over nine
millions are destroyed during the same
period in the endeavor to masticate
boarding house beefsteall and spring
chicken. n.--PltCb.
A minister suddenly stopped in his
sermon and sang a hymn. "If the mem
bers of the choir are to do the talking"
he explained, "they certainly will permit
me to do the singing" And then things
in the neighborhood of the organ be-
same more quiet Philadelphia Call.
At Augusta, Ca, the other day light
ming struck hen that was setting on
nest of eggs. When that thunderbolt got
out of the hen house it looked as though
it had been drawn through a sausage ma
chine, and the way it scooted for the
clouds was caution. Bet you it will
never strike setting hen again.-BTIlng-
ton Free Press.
MACHINE-MADE JINGLES,
D inky, tinkey, dnkey.
The seasons come and go;
And winlley linkey, jinkyl
The roses soon will blow.
Then chinky, chanky, chunky!
How happy would be,
If Ninkey, wankey, wonkey,
Were only here with me!
For rinkey, dinkey pinkey!
| hold il can't den can,
But kinky, winzy, sinkey?
To give girl ice cream.
oil city Derrick.
A medical Journal states that the aver
age Chinese baby weighs but five pounds.
The journal did not state whether tho
Chinese babys capacity for squalling was
less, in proportion to weight, than that
of any other baby, but if they howl in the
Chinese language as loud as the American
kid does in the United States language,
how the poor mother must suffer. If any
one has ever heard two Cinnamon hold
ing a convention in their native tongue,
they can readily sec that child who is
Just learning to lisp few syllablcs in the
Chinese language would make Rome
howl -Pecb'S San.
HOUSE, CLEANING HORRORS.
When the vines are softly blowing
Round the airy dogwOod tree,
And the p.5l9 limbs are showing
Shell-liiI blossoms OH the lea,
And the ROSTERS loudly growing;
When the dewdrop richly spangles
Every lovely rose wind-bent,
When the landlord loudly wrangles
With the t.nant DER the rent,
And the gate yolr thumb-nai mang,es;
When the wild-nowcr is careening
By the blbblng forest stream,
And bright leaves the nc5ts are screening
Then we rave and jump and scream
Der the horrors of house-cleaning.
Puck.