The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-05-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Thieves on the stage are always caught
in the act.-SciSS0rs.
A red hot quarrel generally breaks an
intense GOODNESS. -Bliz:Grd.
A summary proceeding-Taking off
your flannel. Chicogo Eye.
Ell Mahdi has eighteen wives, and says
he went to war simply for a little quiet
and rest.-BiSmarck Tribune.
Sleep is very healthful There is
nobody who knows this better than the
hired girl, especially in the morning
Hoctland Courier
Do not let adversely discourage you,
my son. Were it not for the kicks which
it receives, the football would never get
up in the world.-BoSt0n Transcript.
There is something heroic in silent suf-
tering. Though a man with layer of
active and energetic mustard on his chest
rarely thinks of this. -Hockland Courier.
"No, Laura no. They do not open
the campaign with can-opener. They
do it with corkscrew. How little, alas,
do women know about politics. "-Hatck-
eye.
There are $4,000, 900 to 80, 900, 900
hats made annually in this country, and
when man is the last to leave banquet
he generally gets the worst one.-N0rris-
torn HerdLd.
"Talk about bein' careful about wearin'
out the seat O. my trousers, said the boy
to his mother, "you don't seem to think
O. that when your old slippers agoin' it,"
-BOSton Post.
1t is said that water cOmposes three
fourths of the human body. This may
hold good in some communities, but in
Others water does not enter largely into
mans composition. 1rateler.
The thing that makes small boy in
effably happy is to get on pair of stills,
and walk around for while, and finally
sit down against the sunny side of barn,
about twenty feet off the ground
Puck
A Milwaukee girl got mad, chopped
off her finger and sent it with the en-
gagement ring upon it to her faithless
lover. AS soon as the lover saw that
she could no longer play the piano he
rushed to her side and married her.
PhiLtdelphia Call.
It's pretty difficult for a high school
girl to think of something to say when
she goes to write a composition, but as
soon as she gets out of school and while
on the way home she can say whole
newspaper full without thinking.-hen-
tucky State Journal.
If you don't believe this is the most
prosperous country in the world, just no.
tice carefully the marvellous and cheering
increase of veterans of the Mexican war.
We have an impression that not less than
half hundred of them land from every
arriving emigrant ship.-Hdokeye.
One of the Apache Indians now in
Washington wants to trade twenty-five
ponies for treasury girl. If he sue
ceeds in making the trade he may in the
future receive some lessons in scalping
which all of his savage aboriginal art
and skill wot not of-BtSmarcS Tribune.
THE AIRY SEASON.
This is the airy season
When the urchin owns pup,
And the little girl on the branches
Has her brother put soup"
Soon passes this airy season,
And the pup is Gagged i'll TIE pound
And the soup rope flies of the branches
And lands the girl on the ground.
Puck.
A new poetess from the West remarks:
eff love you give, no more I'll ask"
When this poetess has gained little
more experience she will learn that there
are times when a single cold potato pos
sesses more intrinsic worth than whole
moonlight evening full of love.--Phaa-
delphia call.
THE listers VAIL.
Once l was bright as a mdsummer's morn,
Rut now | am tadpd and Very IN Nurl
My owner, a seedy and broken-up fop,
Has hung me right up in his pet "uncles'
shop.
The future, on which all my hopes had baen
built
Has nothing in store save an old crazy quilt.
-NelU York Journal.