The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-01-05
WIT AND WISDOM.

| Discomfort is the want of self re-
lance; it is the infrmity of will.
| Repentance without amendment
is like continually pumping without
mending the leak.
Open your mouth and purse eau
tiously, and your stock of reputation
and wealth shall, at least In repute,
be great.
II we did but know how little
some enjoy of the great things they
possess, there would not be much
envy in the world.
LANDS are measured in rods,
leagues and so FORTH" said the
teacher, snow what is a surveyor ?'
"A land leaguer" shouted one of
the boys.
When q man hath forfeited the
reputation of mis- integrity he is set
fast, and nothing will Then serve his
turn, neither truth no falsehood.
Believe nothing against another
but on good authority; nor report
what may hurt another, unless it be
greater hurt to another TO conceal
it.
SCOT tough job on hand to sday,"
said Shocks to a friend. "SOrry, old
fellow; what is it?" 'sPromiseu to
carve a turkey at our boarding
house."
It is certain that ther wise bear
ing OF ignorant carriage is caught.
as men take diseases one of another ;
! therefore let them take heed of
their company.
| A brave man thinks no one his
superior who does him an injury,
for he has it then in his power to
make himself superior to the other
by torgiving it.
"Ah," remarked Fogg, as he gszed
bashfully at the balles girls, "now |
understand the full significance of
the passage, sThe body Is more than
raiment.'
! It is said that celery, if kept
buried in the sand in the cellar durI
ing the winter. will keep fresh until
spring. We think it might taste a
little celIary, but don't let this pres
vent you from trying it
Jones asked his wife: "Why is a
husband like Dough- He expected
she would give it up, and he was
going to tell her that it was because
a woman needs him; but she sail it
was because he was hard to get Off
her hands.
eyes" said Mr.. Brickhandler,
"my bulldog has wonderful artistic
taste. He wouldn't attack tramp
the other day because the cloth of
the mans trousers wouldn't har-
monte we'll with the color of his
jaws"
1t is said that Ell Mahdi has one
short arm, and the other is so long
that it reaches below his knee. You
can never make Hicks Pasha be-
lieve that Ell Mahdi reached for
Hicks with that snort arm. He
knows better.
eyer don't call them good sheep,
dew yer?' said q man in a fur cap
and tattered ulster, az he viewed a
lot of "snifflers" going out of the
yards this morning. why down
in York State, where 1 come from,
they give such to the dogs when
they don't think much of the dogs"
"Can you tell me what kind of
weather we may expect next
month 2" wrote a farmer to the
editor Of his country paper, and the
editor replied as follows: "It is nay
belief that the weather next month
will be very like your subscription
BILL" The farmer wondered tor an
hour what the editor was driving at,
when b ehsppened to think of the
word unsettled" He sent a postal
note.
A young lady rushed breathlessly |
into her home and sat down In a |
chair completely exhausted. why,
what's the matter? ?" asked her |
mother in the greatest alarm. ooh,
said the young woman when she re-
gained her breath, 81 just escaped
it. Another one of those horrible !
red sunsets tonight, and red is 20
trying to my complexion.
"Why, old boy. what is the ma
ter with you? You look as if you
had lost your best friend. %" Do ?"
was the reply. " Well, l haven't
On the contrary. have just gained
friend" "You don't lock like
it." 81 know 1 don't You see,
last night, 1 asked little Miss b
to marry me, and she said abe would
always be to me very dear friend"
A teacher asked a bright littl "
girl the other day what country
was opposite to us on the globe.
81 don't know, sir" was the reply.
"Well, now" pursued the teacher.
sff l were to bore hole
through the earth. and you were to
go in st this end. where would you
come oot?"
"Out of the hole. SIR" replied the
pupil In triumph.
Rev. Mr.. Talmase in a. sermon
recently, told of New York mer-
chant who stopped the use o. the
=" vile weed ana saved his tobacco
money, and at the end of thirty
nine years he had 320,102. 03. At
this rate he would have to do with