The semi-weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1882-1886, 1884-07-30
Stomach Ache in the ram,,v

- sesovlus came home all out breath. "A,
pres only eight cents q barrel!'
well! I exclaimed, "They'ye not he.n
cheap since we LEFT Missouri"
said she. "who left Missouri"
ssked Indignantly. ''Why, I did. and w
needn't get 90 mad because I want mo-. =.
picat' either. Missouri IL a. good a vo,,r =,
n'ggerworshipping Conuec ticut. too"
""ivinia," l remarked in my usual mi,
WY "hoor temper will b. your ruin. and va
VIC niosner OF ut least q dozen Children"
"'ohn Vesuvtusl What do Won mean, .
least q dosenf' You know there ara AZ la...
dozen; and its . mean, nasty thing to,c..t ..n.,
slons upon them" e
Don't make . fool Of yourself, Ma,vipi.
what Is it about the apples? ?"
ou' sne wouldn't say another word: 20 I wen
OUT ana sent home q barrel. Our ouarrels ma,
any end with my hand in my pocket. and W
mao apples and apple-sauce and apple pie an,
apple ~dumplings and the stomach ache IN ~
mousse Tor three months afterward,
After we'd had apple pie Sorty-eieht TINA.
remarked the forty ninth time that s,,ch
olameo sameness In grub. would reed a revo
lu'ioh IL some families; but that rs 1 was M
tlent ana long-sutering and considerate. Ineve
saio anything but often put up with such THING
though there are times when It is hard work :,
submit to the outrage; but that, indeed. annie
pie land poor crust, at that forty nine times in
succession would have driven Job himself t
tne asylum, while anyone knew or ought t.
know that forty-nine successive doses of apple
PIE land the apples poorly cooked, to- would
give any man the disgusts; for it cannot be ex-
pccted that q ma who works as hard for his
family as do, can submit forever to one endles,
interminable, uuchanging dessert of apple pie
land pits in 1t until you rant rest), and at the
same time reflect that it seemed likely the same
barrel itself, nails and all, would yet be served
up as pie.
Now, l see nothing out of the way in those re.
marks. But Mrs. Vesuvius riz up, $50 to speak,
and declared that If there . yer was a contempt
able. sinking thing, I was the man. That those
pies were rs good as a'y woman's pies; Il. at she
wished to be a lady. but that 1t was q dirty, low
lived falsehood to say that there were pits in
the pie.
l said nothing but I just picked q bit out of
my teeth and laid it before her. I fatter my
sell it was well done, for she threw a plate at
me in less than q minute.
Just then a squall resounded from the bed
room and Kosahanna, Rosahanna is our ninth
daugh,er,) came through the door doubled up
like a bed spring and yelp'ng until you couldn't
hear cannon. "Whats the ma ter Rosahanna?'
said Malvinia. scot a awful pain" said Rosa
hanna, bending over double and emitting a
Sn11n0 1np6 ono,1uh RI poiso TOhn Moruoo frown
his grave, no matter where it is.
been eating apples 2" said l kindly.
eyes, oh yes! an I pies r. sobbed Rosatanna,
and Mrs. Vesuvius exclaimed severely. "Rosa
hanna, how dare you"
But Rosa did dare, in fact she had to-. for just
then, an apple turned over in her, and she
doubled ouer in front and then she doubled
over backwards, and she kept on s~ee-sawing
backwards and forwards. Inc each time as her
head came up she opened her mouth from ear
o ear n gave q yell which would have made
a Sioux Indian die from envy in his paimiest
days.
"Pits! r said l.
'There wasn't a pit in the pie" screamed
Mrs. Vesuvius.
Before she could continue the conversation
Rosahanna commenced to roll upon the floor In
agony: and a. she rolled and yelled q succession
of shrieks came from all quarters of the globe so
far as our house is concerned. And the hall
dior ooened and In came xes. (.rtax-
erxes is one of our sons,) drawn up In a knot;
and another door opened and in came Victo-
Ann Victoria is a daughterJ with her teeth
set like lock jaw. And the bed room door
~o~o md To- ooron NlirouAo ov1 Airoho'1o
Thomas Jack-on, all # them jumping with
pain and squalling, with their hands upon
heir stomachs.
At the same moment the nurse appeard with
he baby, and as the baby writhed and squeal-
I'd, the nurse said, ut must be-"
"Pits in the pie" 1 screamed.
Mrs. v, stood up, that is she tried to; but she
for at that moment b must have
,een an awful grippe took hold of her, 10 she
sink back painting and granting like a sick
,orse. Was it mean of me to remark that the
whole family were dying from pits" Was
{ mean in me to ask Artaxerxes whether or
lot he had noticed any cores in the sauce"
Was 1t out of the way for me to enquire of
dlrabella had been obliged to "eat fugitive par
ngs, or go without her dinner"
1 think not; when my family is SICK, I have the
light to know the cause; and know I will.
'Did'nt 1 take the greatest care with that
auce, Maria o. appealed Mrs. Vesuvius to the
lurse.
"Yes'm, you"
"Shut up!' I exclaimed. "Mind your business
impudent hussy. u you go back o the
If you ever put in your CAB again out
'ou';l 60, mind that"
"All right. sir" Indignantly screamed Maria,
3 she planted Samuel Washington Chats the
,aby's nance upon the floor. and as she bumped
i'm down suddenly she must have disturbed
he pits, or cores, or parings which had lodged
inside him, for he set up a believing which
you'd have driven a stockyard crazy.
Said I, "Mrs. Vesuvius, there's only one thing
in this family and that is q barrel of
ider. With q barrel of cider you could 50
this apple business that there'd be q
o m in codins which would enable the town to
ct q hearse!"
l wish to pu' it on record right now and here
nat l po>itively believe Mrs. Vesuvius swore.
he Just pranced around the room, and MirabelIa
nd Ataxerxes, and Miranda and Thomas Jack
IN, who had all got their mouths open at the
time to give one concerted yell. stood with
lem op.n until I had to slap the who 9 outfit
n the back to bring them to. But nobody ever
nd to g ap Mrs. v. to bring her to. he's always
and she launched out with = volume of
ouse which with most men would result in .
But I'm . reasonable man, and q rear
ming man. too; and I recognized the fact that
,e had a stomr h ache, but, even so, had those
,ildren died standing there with their mouths
ide open wouldn't she have been to blame?
And yet. to show her perversenees. she at that
itical moment said she'd have to send for her
other to come and see to the children. mo.
~ don't" said l, that woman don't enter this
,use, not on any account or on any occasion,
rs. Vesuvius. Pits in the pie and cores In the I
,ple sauce. and peel in the dumplings and the
.ly acne all over the house are bad enough. 1
1t when you come to bringing that barrel Il I