The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-07-31
WIT AND HUMOR.

writes her name Mamie.
An amateur singer frightened pair
of canary birds to death. TWAS a case
of killing two birds with ones tone.
4 party in Paris makes living rent
ing out teeth. Where they are swal-
lowed by mistake the deposit is forfeit
ed
A crank is man so set in his own
opinion that you can't turn him. What
is crank good for that can't be
turned?
A Denver physician has failed firan-
cially and has thus acquired the title
of '.Dr" at both ends of his name
Hartford Post.
The man who don't own & yacht calls
it a vat? the man who does, calls it a
yaht: the old salt who sails it calls
yot-R0cheSter Democrat.
A hairdresser's convention is shortly
to be held in Chicago. Delegates have
begun to arrive, and the cry is still
they comb!-PhiLadepbia Call.
My Daughter Paints is the title of
a new novel. And she probably pow
ders, but it is mighty mean man
who would thus give the girl away.
1t is said that locomotives which for
merly sold for SIS, 600 can now be had
for 5000. No well-regulated family
will be without locomotive after this
Boston Globe.
A Kansas woman, just for spite, has
| not spoken for seven weeks. II you
see blue streak in the Western sky
one of these days you may know she
has begun to unload that tremendous
| accumulation.
Americans should observe next
| Thanksgiving Day with moro than usu-
al earnestness and gratitude. Mr.. Brad
laugh, the English Radical, says he is
not coming to America this year
J Burlington HGaCkeye.
The richest man il Philadelphia is
| bachelor, worth $40, ZOO, 900. This
| should not be so. Either the richest
man in Philadelphia has no right to be
4 bachelor, or bachelor has no right
to have $50. 100000.
The name of Miss Grace House, of
| Fremont, Neb., is going all over the
land as that Of the lady who blew the
| biggest bubble at q recent soap bubble
sociable. 1t is well to be distinguished
for something. Philadelphia Inquirer.
They make cream by machinery now.
Fact is: cows have become so lazy that
were it not for the pump. the chalk-pit
| and the Godlike intelligence of man.
the dairy would soon become an OBJ
solete institution.-BoSt0n Transcript.
A boaster IN q hotel was telling of
| the many sections of the country he
had visited. { fellow at his elbow
| asked, Have you ever been in alge-
| bra?n ''Oh, yes," said the boaster; II
| passed through there on top of stage
| coach about & year ago"
Spain, according to majority of the
| Spanish press. has been scandalized by
a riot at buli-fight. Bull-fghts should
always be carried on decently and in
order. Anything unseemly about a
| bull-hghJ shows a want of respect for
the feelings OF the bull.
| Gladstone feels that he must soon
| step down and out. 1t is impossible
| for Mr., Gladstone TO get the American
newspapers carly enough 20 profit by
| their advice, and the consequence is
| that things are always running loosely
| in his Government.-L0u Courier
| Journal.
The Norwich. CT. Bulletin says of a
| widower OF that place, who Il short
| time ago married his seventh wife, that
"he waived the customary tour and
| buckle down to his daily calling as if
he had become convinced that life is too
real and earnest in its sunset for any
display of fooiishness."
what" asked "a writer, f'do half a
dozen young ladies talk about when
they get together, after not having seen
each other for day or twoP" Why,
they talk about three hours in one il
ming. Also, about dresses and the
young men, and-Snd that's about all.
-Norristoaon Herald.
A tramp stopped at house on Main
street the other day and asked for
something to eat. (Which do you like
best, asked the hired girl. 'steaks or
chop" The tramp meditated a min
ute, and then replied: Chop" ''Step
right this way" said the hired girl.
Here's the AK and there's the wood
| pile. "-BurLingt0n Free Press.
There was a sudden and tremendous
fusilade of fire-crackers, bombs, torpe-
! does and rockets st late hour on one
| Of the streets of Somerville, and citi-
zen. rudely awakened from his dreams
! by the noise, put his head out of the
window and growled: What burned
band is that PLAYING Wagner's music
at this time of night?"-Someruille
| Journal.
a Missouri paper says: "a catfish
was caught near New Madrid last
week that had q silver nalf-dollar in his
mouth" This appears to be the best
| that can be done as an offset to the find
| ing of diamonds near Waukesha. A
place where SO poor thing as catfish
! can go about with half-dollars in its
mouth is a place that will draw the
American people.-Neay Orleans Picay-
alne.
a Brooklyn girl has prepared herself
for college by mastering the four books
OF Xenophon's "Anabasis" and three
of Homer's Had" Arnold's First
Creek book and Jones Compost
ton" and has read critically the whole
twenty-four books Of the "Iliad."
When she comes to prepare herself for
matrimony. she will find that the arts
of frying fritters and sewing on collar
buttons are worth all the Greek in the
books. -NOrriStOlOn Herald
What did you want to make such
goose of yourself for over that little
mouse?" he said to hi. sister as they
trudged home from an evening party.
You danced about and screamed until
l was ashamed of you." II was afraid
of 1t. George" murmured the girl.
Afraid of it. Nonsense! If you hadn't
had on a pair of new French shoes and
striped silked stockings you wouldn't
have been afraid of it.. She didn't
deign to answer him. York San.
Your sweet heart always bores you
with her singing, understand, when
you call on her" said a Someryille
young man to a friend the other day.
She does, was the mournful reply:
''she does: sings all the time. 1t
wouldn't be SO bad if she had q good
-