The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-08-21
WIT AND HUMOR.


purp-ously. GOuUenctT Herald.
A frisky sailor was knocked sense
less in New York recently by coming
in contact with some electric wires. II
was q clear case of salt and battery.
''By-bye. love-" he murmured as he
started down to his Office in tho morn
ing, aud she did. to the extent Of $50
bonnet. He says Good morning"
now.
There is great deal of billing and
cooing going on at the seaside. The
principal part of the billing is being
done by the hotel keepers. Sgt- /
ssgs.
A Somerville girl was recently so .
startled by being kissed suddenly that /
she died. We hasten to say that SOM
erville girls, as a rule. need not fear
Boston Post. I
Did 1t ever occur to you that, al /
though q man may have been vaga- !
bond all his life and of extremely low !
parentage. when he is strung up on a
gallows he at once becomes highly con-
REHABILITATION Post.
Doctor Engaged six months after the
death of his first wife. soliloquizing
over letter)-This is better. She ad-
dresses me as ''You dear, darling
duck" My first wife used to address
me rs "That nasty old quack. "
A refreshment bar on certain rail-
way is kept by veteran baker. A
sprightly young traveller complained of
one Of his pies the other day. The old
man became angry. ''Young man"
ne said severely, Il made pies before
~ a
the traveller. II fancy this must be one
of those pics"
An enterprising Vermont man has
his house and store connected by tele-
phone. The other day, during a storm.
the lightning entered the store by the
wire while the proprietor was talking
to his vito about when he would be
home to his dinner. AS he recovered
his consciousness the first words he
spoke were: "An right, Mariah, don't
hit me again; I'll do just us you say
Nev York Graphic.
A young man who believes in self
Improvement having recently married
suggested to his wife that they should
argue some question frankly amt fully
every morning, in order to learn more
of each other. The first question hap
pened to be whether woman could
be expected to get along without
hat" and he took the Affirmative, and
when he was last seen he had climbed
mp hayloft and was pulling the ladder
after him.
When General b. F. Butler was a
young man two girls, dwelling in the
same boarding house, were simultane-
ously in love with him. Both ladies
were sitting in the parlor one evening
and Ben was making violent love TO
one of them, much to the chagrin of
the other. who founccd to the piano
and sang "Rock Of Ages" at the top
of her voice, laying particular stress
on the line. ''Simply to thy cross-eye
cling life.
Mr.. Mulcahey recently took "a day
of" and went down the harbor on a
fishing excursion. Tho sea being de-
cidedly chopped it was not long before
nc paid tribute 10 old Neptune several
times. He looked, as Mark Twain
said ne felt, las if he would disgorge
his immortal SOUL" and, between the
rounds, blurted out: "An' (hic), be-
gorra, an I can't oonderstand phwy l
shud be so sick, whin wuz brought up
within o mile NV the say" y."-Boston
Globe.
Mr.. Isaac Came, rich shoemaker of
Liverpool. who left his property to pub
lie charities, opened his first shop OPP
posite the building where he had been
n servant. and put up sign which
read: I'll Came-from over the way"
Somewhat like this was the sign OF a
tavern-keoper named Danger. near
cambridge, who. having been driven
out of his house. built another oppo-
site, and inscribed on it. ''Danger from
over the way" The successor then re-
torted by putting up n new inscription.
.'There is no danger here now"
A belle Mt Long Branch went down
TO the beach to take bath the other
day, and after entering a bathing
booth, kept her male escort waiting
half an hour. at was too provoking
for anything" she explained when she
reapp0ared. Il dropped my new
bathing suit down u knot-hole and
have been all this time fishing it up
with piece of string and hair-pin." p"
''iumph," said her escort are you
sure you rescued all OF itP"-Norris-
t0a0n Herald.
..When Jennie Meets Me at the
1uIcs Is LHe LlLlc 6Hu DuTuou Va u now
song. II the night is clear, When the
Stars are Twinkling, Love. keep your
weather eye out for the old man, say
about the time Our Grandfather's clock
strikes 10. for he may be Coming Thro'
the Rye from the village store with
Towser; in which case you had better
get Over the Garden wall, while she
goes in and Pulls Down the Blinds tc
make her pa believe she said her little
Now L Lay Me Down to Sleep ut
O'Clock. .-PtcG'S SuH.
They have II story of a bald-headed
chemist mt Nice Into his shop came q
lady with pretty little boy. Present
ly came another lady, who smiled a
tho pretty little boy. The chemist
came in front of his counter and Leaned
over u box To get some articles which
Lady No. had ordered. Lady No.
had been looking about and had no
seen the chemist leave the counter
She thought she would kiss the pretty
little boy. Sac leaned down and kissed
tho chemists bald head. She wa
disgusted. and the chemist frightened
the liltlo boy delighted. and lady No.
not knowing what to say, gazed silent
ly out Of the door.
was introduced to gray-halre(
salt In that quaint cavern, and thu
captain who presented me said, with
complimentary accent: HE has seel
service though" Tho man hitched VI
one side of his mouth rs he smiled a
me. and he spoke with deprecatin;
halt, as IL he didn't like to take up an,
of tho time. lie was gnarlcd speci
men, dcformed and mutilated in tn
face. head. arm and leg. "You hav
evidently been out in heavy blow
SIR" remarked to him. ''Got ketch
ed in whales mouth, that's all" h
said. ''He spit me out. though. afte
he'd chaw'd me up!' He was uncon
scious when he was picked up.-Nan
tucIet Letter In DetJ OFT Post.
During n noted kentucky campaig
one day, while the confederate arm
was missing through Allen county