Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-05-08
HUMORS.

One goose may be told from an
other by the difference of a pinion.
Some of the girls are thinking of
green grass and warm sunshine to
come. It is a for lawn hope.
Why is a United States Treasury
note like a caterpillar? Because
it is hard to counterfeit. (Count-her-
feet)
DR.. Mary Walker says she will
wear trousers or nothing. We guess
it is better as iii s! She may keep
them on.
"What are pauses" asked the
teacher Of the primary class. Things
that grow on cats, ). piped the small
boy at the foot.
An obituary notice contains the
tsuching intelligence that the deceas-
ed had accumulated little money
and ten children"
There are three terrible diseases
now before married men, namely:
spring fever, spring bonnets and
spring house cleaning.
A man and his wife had little
difficulty in the kitchen the other
day, and presently matters became
so quiet that you could hear a rolling
pin drop.
Ordered to clear the court, an Irish
crier at BalIinasloe did so by this an
nouncement; Now, thin al ye black
guards that isn't lawyers must leave
the court.
Yes" sighed old Mrs. Gumbo,
chat accident Was horrible. When [
read about it, it exaggerated me so
that [ couldn't decoE1pose myself for
I several hours"
''Why, Sam, how do you expect to
re that mule along with a spur only
on one side?" Sam, "Weil, boss, if |
gets dat side to go, ain'tde underone
boun' to keep up2"
Young man to ''druggist-"C you
give me anything to remove super
huous hair?" Druggist (thoughtfully
scratching his bald head ''Hem why
don't-you get married?"
Sunday-school teacher Who
made the world?" (No ansWer.) S. S.
Tt ''Tut, tutl None of you know
that? / say, who made the world?"
Small boy-;Please, sir it wasn't
me-"
II don't think much of that" said
waiter scornfully, as he picked up
two cent piece given him by custom
er. Neither do I, replied the Gus
toner, otherwise l shouldn't have
given it to your
do you suppose eating.angel-cake
will make an angel of me?' asked a
seraphic young lady of the worldly
young man. I've no doubt it will, "
ne answered, ''if you eat enough OF
It."
A Chicago woman remarked her
husband from whom she had been di-
vorcea, and then got mad because he
would not take her on bridal tour.
A new book entitled, "What Can
Woman Do?" An answer to the
question can be found by asking most
any baldheaded man. Newman indie
pendent.
Oh. where is the friend of my breast?
Oh, why am feeling so sad?
Oh, why is this cold vague unrest?
I've done lost my dear liver pad
Evansville Argus.
When two young ladies kiss each
other they fulfill gospel injunction.
They are doing unto each other what
they would that men should do unto
them-Electric Light.
ct seems to me, E" moaned Algeron,
as he flew toward the 'front.' gate with
the old man close behind him, "that
there are more than three feet in the
yard. philadelphia Call.
A fashion magazine has an article
on "What will the coming girl
swear2" If the article refers to the
servant girl of the future, she will
probably wear the best the land af-
lords.
eyes" he said. 81 was absolutely
astonished when Mr.. Goneworth asked
nae to go and take drink Why, it
so astonished me that [ utterly lost mr.
presence of mind. declined, sir! .
Boston Post.
A neighboring paper, reporting a
recent social says: THE opening piece
was rendered by mule quartette.
The reporter wrote it male quar-
tette, but the compositor knew bet
ter.-Oil City Derrick.
oh, Mabel was pretty and had a rich pa;
She was dainty and modest you could easily
But size always would murGaur " I seen - for . I
saw
And invariably cried out " It's him = for Its
he
-WiTiamsport Breakfast Table
4 held her little hand in mine.
rs at the rink we Skated,
And met the glanceS from her eyes,
With purest love light freighted
Her pretty face was very near:
IstOoped and fondly kissed her,
And all the other fellows wished
They, too could kisS-my sister.
The Hungarians have a national
dance, 1.-THE csardus-intended ia rep
resent the unquiet course of true
love" We have never seen the
dance, but presume the greater part
consists of an elderly gentleman kick
ing man off the front step.
The Mince Pie.
The mince pie graceth the festive board.
Masking in juices rare,