Daily Los Angeles herald., 1884-02-26
Pre-. -rls.sansriss

The word s'sstssmsd," a. often used
by the press, reminds NJ Of notorious
nar who rushed up and said 70 another
liar; my esteemed liar, you are .
IL u mean wretch who VII drop .
hair switch in car loaded with women.
and then smile ~ he secs every woman
make grab for the back Of. lsr head
when she notices It. ffl
Henry Bsrgh i now vigoroualy striv-
ing to have the sale of Shakespeare's
work kieuppresssd, became one Of the
eminent dramatist's characters casually
rsmasked: ''Lst the CALLED jade vince. "
Husband, You'll have to 20 and call
that boy yourself. can't make him
got up. He sleeps as II he wore log. 4
A0h. we'll Maria, the boy can't help It.
It's fate. He was born TO Be police
man."
New customer-'I don't 20 much care
what the things are made Of, you know.
All l want IL to look like . Gsntleman. =
Tailor with uhcallsd for difidsnce--
"Well, sir, ! can assure you that ! will
do my very best" 4.4,a
The New York Tribune last week re.
ferred TO its "estsemsd" contemporary,
thc Times, - - common sewer for the
NASTY crimes Of continent. This will
|givs the "best people" . clever idea Of
y amenities Of country journalism. z
Backward, turn backward, o Timer
|Apa- According to this new standard.
finnis. We mus sat the clock back
bout ten minutes, chi" Minnie (still In
he markell )--sTsn minutssl Put Il
back lots, pepa. Nothing les than ten
Ssars win do me any aoodr's n 20
Unprepossessing old bachelor" And
Nhy do you think ! ought 70 get mar
|ffsd, Miss Mabeli" Miss Mabel (aged
tksivc)- )-"Oh, you look a. though you
heeded some one to take care Of yea,
fsad-oh. goodness, you didn't think /
aid that to lead you on, did yopsp--
ELDs. l9A.f
"Love my neighbor ~ myself! ex-
claimed the portly citizen; why, Lord
love you, l love him much better than
myself. They were laying cut route
for an elevated railway and had the
plans changed 20 that the road should
40 past his door instead Of mine. -
Boston Transcript.
At the bank: II have q note here
that's due to-day. I'd like to get the
time extended, as ! haven't got the
money" eve can't possibly let Il 10
over" "That Il, have the money but
=" "All right. II you have got the
money its quite different thing. l
guess we can accommodate you.
At recent party. Anxious young
man--"Miss B., may I have the sixth
dance with you!' Miss Bias ~
have no pensG I cannot mark IT, 4.
Y. NO, we'll. leave space there
and you'll understand" kiss b.
Every well, then; when I see 8 vacant
spot shall know 1t Il you." Exit anx-
ious young man.
A shabbily dressed woman called upon
one Of our ciiizsns for aid, claiming that
she YVES in . starving condition. The
citizen looked upon her plethoric form.
estimating The kvoirdupois of shs e.
psrnuous fat, and answered. 'sYou
don't look like starving woman. ~ Il
know il" she whiningly answered. 'q'm
bloatsd with gfisf." i
De wise man an de fool doAn quarrel,
but two fools or two wiss msn ksint gst
along 80 well. De man that merriss .
oman cause shes got NOR rsass dan hs
has, 10 never allowed ~ loss- s-sightSb
dat fact. De chile dst too sooa shows
signs O. smartnsss doan turn out to -
de smartest man. Do fus' csttsp dat
opens is neber de best.
Brown-"Whatl smokisgf Ithought
you swore OF. Fogg dla, and
got along bravsly until Il oAns'to me
that this was lsap year. / hadn's
thought Of that extra day. A fsllow
might be able to keep from smoking So5
days, but the mans got 10 draw thp
line somewhere. You cant expect i'm.
possibilities from fellow"
One more uufortunats: NsnaA q
widow Of considerable pessonal attras-
tions)-" want to tell you something,
Tommy. You saw that gsntlspan
talking to graudmamma in the other
room. Well, he 10 going 70 BE- your
new papa. Mammals going 10 marry
him." Tommy (whp recollsts aoms-
thing Of the life his old papa used TO
leadJ - "D-d-does he know II ~.
mammal