Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1884-12-06

A Texas lady called atadrug store ana
II want a toothbrush, real nice one.
I want it for a spare roC IN.
"Thst's the first time ever heard o. 9
spare room having teeth responded me
smart-Aieck of q clerk. of your spare
room is not bald-headed we can supply
it with some good hair brushes, and Il %
is bald-headed we can sell you some
hair restOrer that viii make the halr
sprOut out ike Spring boles"
There was no sale Exchange
as there anybody around this estab-
lishment who loves poetry he said as
he opened the door and glared around
the editOrial-roOm with a doubtful look
Certainly there IS" said the EDITOR
have you got somef
yes, four poems, all Of them on
Spring"
"Goodl That's just what we want
John, sprinkle q little sauce on these and
take 'em down stairs"
"What forP7 demanded the poet.
'For the goat. He is the only one
about the establishment who loves poe
try. But he won't eat Spring poetry
without mint sauce. IN. 7. Sun.
A County Treasurer in New Hamp-
shire was forced to acknowledge the Oth
er day that the county strong box was
not only empty, but that his books
wouldn't balance within $4,000 There
was a Tumpus and an investigation, but
the Treasurer carried q serene expression
and was ready to answer all questions.
1t really isn't my fault" he proceed
ed to explain. "H on know we want q
new bridge over Lickskillit Greek? had
hoped 10 build it without calling on the
taxpayers. That $IS,O 600 went TO buy
wheat, and / calculated on a profit Of at
least S., 600 in one deal"
And you lost all -
Every dollar. Wheat went right
down on me-"
"You might have known itP shrieked
one of his bOndsmen.
"HoW? Do control the wheat market2
Pm sorry, gentlemen, real sorry, but
have the consolation of knowing that
while my two bOndsmen lose $4,000, the
toiling masses will have the benefit of
the decline in wheat Wall Street Nelg8.
It was Tommy's first Sunday in
church
The minister In describing heaven
told his congregation that it would ale
ways be Sunday there.
Mamma" he said on his way home,
"did you hear what he said about its
being Sunday all the time in heaVenf'
ayes, dear"
'Wel, I shan't try to get THERE'S
change.
"There is nothing within the knoWl-
edge and appreciation Of humanity so
beautiful an IOvable as woman. To her
the poet rhymes; for her the artist paints,
the sculptor heWs, and at her feet the
world of man lays down its homage. We
may SCOT, revile, and bubble with her
differences to the male sex, but her
smile lights the world. Her tender eyes,
her loving voice, her soft, caressing hand
give to life q sensation that may and its
like in Paradise, but not on earth. Her
-her-heT; I wrote that word I wanted
on a slip the other day, where is it?
Martha?" "Well, James" 81 left slip
of paper with some words on it here on
the table the other day. collected
them to use in this article on Women
for the Monthly TafyLodler-did you see
them?"
"Why, you leave such a litter, James,
I cleaned up the table yesterday and
threw the scraps in the FIRE"
"There it isl There it gOesl What
cOnfOuned idiots you women aTel Why
don't you let things alone? You're al
ways mussing and fussing and annoying;
the world would be a heap better with
out yOuP'-PiHsbllrg Chronicle Telegraph.