davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23

rewards were offered, but to no pur.
pose. At last the paternal Mr..
Thomas was put on warm trail, and,
bursting suddenly in upon the retreat
of the young couple, he tore the
bride away from the arms Of her boy
lover, and now threatens him with
dogs and guns if be comes too near.
Willie is seeking legal advice to see
If there are no means by witch he can
regain his treasure.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23
The Colonel and the Cat.

Col. Tom Clark, of Brooklyn, once
owned cat On which be showered all
the affection of his bachelor heart.
And the shower took the shape of q
pound Of mince meat every day. One
morning the Colonel noticed that his
feline namesake had wasted away to q
mere skeleton, and Immediately he
summoned his boy Bill to appear be.
fore the bar.
"Didn't | tell you to give that cat q
pound OF meat every day." asked the
colonel
Yes, sir. and that's what / give
him every morning before you're out
Of bed," answered Bill.
81 don't believe a word of it. Ny
opinion Is that you either pocket the
money or eat the meat yourself.
Bring me the scales and the cat"
The scales and cat Were brought;
the latter was placed on the former
and Tom and the marker stopped at
the one pound mark.
There" exclaimed the boy in
triumph. Didn't | tell you l gave
aim pound of meat this morning."
"There's the pound of meat sure
enough" said tie colonel, stroking
HE chin "But where the DEVILS the
eat?"-New Yolk Star.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23
A BABY BRIDE.
Elopement Of a 12-Year Old Cir
with Boy OF Is.

Special Dispatch to The Globe-D, moerat.
| Wrightsville, Ga, September Is
The rude breaking up of love-.
young dream is at present the cause
of great sensation in this quiet
locality, in which there is usually
nothing more exciting than tie
annual camp-meeting. Willie Row.
land, a youth of 16 was one of the
most regular attendants upon Sunday.
school. and could solve the wonderful
problems sent out by the International
Sunday-schOOl committee with more
aptitude perhaps than any scholar
present except little Miss thomas. a
blue-eyed beauty of II. Their
similarity of taste and mutual
triumphs led them to be much to-
gether, and 1t vas quite the thing for
Willie to carry the young Miss to
meeting, while the you g lady would
tote the gilt-edged Testament which
Willie had presented her the Christ
mas before. Two weeks ago the
couple set out as usual, the parents
supposed with their heals full or
stories of Samuel, Solomon and other
Old Testament worthless, but in reality
with their hearts full of Lew feel.
ing, which they did not dare express
before grown fiks. Finally Will
SAID enough for the young lady 10
understand and Trey continued their
walk past the ms etln, house and ON TO
a distant part Of the county, where
they arrived at lie house of mutual
friend a little after dark. On making
their errand known a preacher was
let into the secret, and the connie
stood up to be married. Willie
answered the usual question ike a
little man. II was Miss Thomas
lay to have the chills, and by the
Time the quest II was put TO her
her teeth Were ia rly chatteriup with
he attack but the word was spoken
md she was her dear Willie's bride
I was advised tat they remain in
he house incOgi ito for a few DAYS
Until the storm should blow over.
Meantime ali was confusion in the
thomas mansion. As night drew
n and midnight approached, by
which time al good Sunday-schooI
atlantis should restore their sweet.
carts to the Inns of their mothers
nd Willie failed to appear, the
amily began ~ lose faith in his
lorals and his 'igion. Search was
'stituted for L missing pair and
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23
Let's Kick EN- Out.

The late Fernando Wood used to
tell story of two men who roomed
together coming in late one night
quite "Over the sea-" and instead Of
each taking his separate bed they
both got into the same one. Hello
JIM" said one, "there's a fellow got
into my bed" "Why hats queer,
said Jim, "there's a fellow got into
my bed, too" "Let's kick him on
JIM" "All right" A terrible
struggle between them takes place,
when Jim said: Jack I've kicked
my man out" Jack, from the floor
replies: "No such luck for me; my
man has kicked me out"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23

on the outskirts of the family yet, as
you may say. l am sorry enough to
withdraw, but it is plain enough il
has to be done. / am full of gas and
my teeth are loose. and | am wretch
ed with cramps, and afflicted with
scurvy, and toothacbe, measels,
humps. and lockjaw, and the cider
last night has given me the cholera.
Gentlemen, mean well, but really |
am not in a condition to celebrate the
other thirteen. Give us a rest.
find, now. that it was all a
dream. One avoids much dissipation
by being asleep.
MARX TWAIN.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23
Perfect SIGHT.

As thousands can testify, there Is nom.
ing 80 much to be desired as perfect sight.
and perfect sight can only be obtained by
using perfect spectaeles. G. G.. Taylor, our
home optician, exercises great skill and pa-
thence In fitting those needing Spectacle
with care and comfort 10 the wexrer,
(12-I1dtfl
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23

People who mourn because the
coming American novel; is SO slow
In putting In an appearance may be
gratifed to learn that volume 8 of the
census is being printed and volume 8
Is almost ready. Life is full of com.
pensations. Herald.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23
Horace Greeley and the Ticket
Agent


A reformed ticket agent, man
now engaged in a mercantile pursuit,
and who looks back with profound
melancholy and remOrse to his wicked
career, as he sailed in as a ticket
agent, told me that once, in his sinful
days, he was employed at Chicago on
through line from that incorporated
Bnreas on the lake to New York city,
which, made up of new combina-
ton, was "bucking' against Wander
bilt. To extend its custom the CON-
binstion had at Chicago a corps of
able bodied runners, to seize wayfarers
by the throat and fetch them up to
the ticket agent, where the innocent
traveller W as to be talked into ticket
over the combination.
One day an able bodied ruffian
came, leading up a rough-looking
customer, who wished to purchase a
ticket to New York by the way of
Cleveland. The combination did not
touch Cleveland. But evidently the
old, white-hatted, loose-trousered,
coarse-booted couDtrymsn, with his
white head and goggling look, did
not know what he wanted. 1t was
for the licked agent to care for
him and so he ratified on, with
ticket in hand, until the venerable
goggle-eyed old shufiie-toes had ex-
tracted from a fat wallet the price
and shambled awkwardly away.
"Say, old fellow" asked a friend
who happened to be in the Office, "do
you know who you sold ticket to
then ?"
"Some old fool of a corn-cracker. "
"Not a bit of it-that was Horace
Greeley"
Gee whillicans and he wanted to
60 to Cleveland ?"
"Yes, he's billed to lecture there,
and the Tribune will give your combi-
nation the devil for the swindle."
"That's so. Here, you put your
cheek to this hole till find him. "
Away ran the ticket agent. 1t was
not difficult to find the hotel at which
the venerable philosopher lodged.
The ticket agent found him In the
reading-room porting over late issue
of the Tribune. He tapped Horace
on the shoulder, and the Philosopher
looked up with the childlike EXPRESS
ion of bis that seemed to come out
from open eyes and mouth.
81 beg your pardon" said the
agent, "but sold you a ticket to
New York awhile since, and made
a mistake"
'In the money, suppose ?" replied
Horace, dryly.
"No. sir; in the route. / remem-
bered after you left you said Cleve-
land. Now the ticket / gave you
will not take you to Cleveland"
"The hell it DON'T" cried Greeley.
starting,up. well. young man, L
can tell you that would be a great dis
appointment to Cleveland"
Il don't know anything about that ;
but | did not want any man to miss
bis way through any fault off
mine. So Eve been in every hotel in
Chicago after you"
THE devil you have"
81 have. There is the right ticket. |
It's over rival line. But my honor.
sir, rises above the trick. | bought
he right ticket for you, and if you
give me the old one we will be even"
"Young man." said Horace, fish
ng from his capacious pocket the
icket of the combination, "you are
Iery good, come to think of it, too
Tanned good for ticket agent. Leave
hat, good young man, before your in
locent nature is corrupted, or your
ahmed" Patent Screw and Pod-anger
me is busted up. Go west, young
nan, go west"
HWaIfar di6p't 4 ill 49,, A.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23

"Waiter, didn't l tell you to give
me piece of melon off the ice?"
"Y aas, sab, you did, sah." "Well,
this piece is as warm as a tin roof. /"
'Yaas, sab. OATS cause hits off de ice
sab. Deys allus warm when dey's off
de ice, sah."-Chicago News.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06
A City OF Pretty Girls.

'Thero are no homely girls In
Quebe nativc-born Canadian said
TO q visitor to the ancient citadel city of
Canada. 81 have often stood ut n win
dow and watched for one in the throng
passing on the sidewalks, but have
never yet seen 4 Quebec girl who could
be described rs ugly. l don't claim
that they are all absolutely beautiful;
but there is something in the clear in
vigorating air, and perhaps in the soil
and surroundings of this lofty and
rocky city that gives them sparkling
eyes, brilliant compilations. and elias
ITCHY of step. Montreal is full of pref
ty women, but Quebec can beat her in
that respect Have you noticed how
easily our Quebec girls climb the steep
city streetsP When they are ascending
a sidewalk that slopes upward Mt an
apparent angle of 80 deg. they don't
seem to mind it. They don't lag. they
don't get out of breath, they don't
stagger from one side of the walk TO
the other They just go up rs lightly
and gracefully rs any lady can walk
across parlor floor. You can't do it
and keep pace with them unless you've
been brought up here. They'd tire
you out before you got half way from
Breakneck Steps TO Dufferin Terrace.
The exercise they get is partly tho
secret of their good looks.
''Then there's another thing that
helps. They're out of doors half tho
time. On O pleasant evening the ter
race. that broad plank promenade
which stretches for quarter of mile
along the top of the precipice under tho
brow of Cape Diamond, is crowded
with them. strolling in pairs and
groups. chatting, laughing, and per-
haps flirting little. You don't mind
that, do you? No. Well, look what
pleasure ground it is. Two hundred
feet above the waters of the St Law
renee. and facing one of the very finest
views in the world, as everybody adj
mits, which extends from Point Levi
down the river TO Cape Tourment, and
from the gorge to Montmorenci far
back among the Laurentian Mountains.
You can't blame us Quebeckers for
being proud of it. And there's where
the Quebec girls breathe the pure air
that puts roses in their cheeks and the
sap into their eyes. Yes. sir; steep
streets and plenty of fresh air, and,
perhaps, the subtle influence of
world-famous landscape, form the chief
secret OF the beauty of our girls. N
Y. Sun
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06
Why He Failed.

One Of tho late failures in Northern
Michigan was that of retail dealer in
grinds Liabilities So $50. %; as
sets. $l,262.1S. His explanations were
all ready for the first caller "You
see | was carrying stock of $50 grind
stones-all sizes-all or 'em provided
with holes in the CENTER" 'Yes. " 1.-The
over-production depressed the market
and sent down prices" Exactly"
while the general depression in all
kinds of business induced farmers to
sharpen their tools on stone walls and
put of investing in grindstones. "
just So" "And, to add 10 the rest,
rumors of European complication,
the low price OF wheat, and the cholera
excitement weakened the market until
grindslones hadn't the ghost of n
show. - Val street NeWs.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06
The Young Artist.

Our Bessie drew something, quite quickly
and well,
But what was intended, could nobody tell;
IL was not dog, and II was not a car,
SO she gave IL a tail and she called IL rat
But the tail was so funny. we all had 10
laugh,
Then she rubbed IL all out, and she next drew
calf.
The calf. We all told her. vas much like a
sheep,
Or pig half awake, or goat half asleep.
And never was artist in greater distress,
Nor more persevering than poor little Bess.
Her fence was TOO crooked, her trees were
too straight;
Her house always topped half over the
gate;
Her windows we're never alike in their size,-
She couldn't see right for the tears in her
eyes
But Uncle and Aunty soon bought her a
rule,
And book and a pencil, and sent her to
school.
And the dear little artist ia learning so well,
That her pigs from her cows you can easily
tell.
H. W. Lowrie. in ST. Nicholas for October.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06
The Dress or Nova Scotia Women.

The young girls array themselves in
hats and costumes which are only two
Or three years behind the prevailing
mode; but the attire OF the middle
aged and elderly women is striking and
peculiar. For Sundays, this Is invari-
ably black throughout, and yet does
not look funereal The dress is plain
bombazine or alpaca, n shawl folded
square, and over the head q large silk
handkerchief, which must be put on
with great exactness and care to make
just so many folds at the sides. with
huge knot under the chin; while the
point at tho back hangs below the neck
and generally has one or more initials
neatly worked in colors ('cross-
stitched'O in the corner. AS most
have clear olive compilations, with rich
color in the cheeks, and lustrous black
eyes, this head-dress is surprisingly be-
coming, giving quite a gypsyish effect.
The old women, in winter, wear enor-
nous cloaks, made with largo square
yoke. into which eight or ten breadths
of material are closely plaited-this
unwieldy garment completely envelop-
ing them from head to foot. These
distinctive features in costumes are
disappearing. and ere long our Ameri-
can peasantry may become more COM
mon-place and embarrassing. Let us
hope that they may never lose the
sweet simplicity. frankness, honesty,
thrift and other pleasing characteristics
which they now possess.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

There Is boy in Putnam Co., Tenn,
q son of jefferson Lee, 10 years of age,
who owing to the peculiar nature of his
skin, has Eever been known to sweat a
drop of perspiration in his life. An
ether phenomenal feature connected
with the boy is thai he has Only four
teeth, and he had those when born, hev-
ing never cut nor she'd any since his
birth. He is very much affected by the
seasons. In the summer he gets exceed
ingly warm and is compelled, in order
to live at all, to keep his head and body
wet with cold water, and falls oil To al
most a skeleton, but when winter comes
and cod weather sets in he is enabled
to dispense with mis- bath and grows
fat. He is said TO be Il sprightly boy,
with plenty of sense.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

Nothing seems much dearer than the
direction of charity. Would We all but
relieve, according to the measure Of our
mean, those objects Immediately with
in the range Of our personal knowledge,
how much of the worst evil of poverty
might be alleviated.
Every human soul has the germ of
some flower within; and they would
open if they could only find sunshine
and free air to expand il, | always
told you that not having enough sun
shine Was what allied the world. Make
the people happy and there will not be
half the quarreling Or a tenth part of
the wickeness there is.-Lydia Maria
Child.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06
THE ELBERoN.n

The new wood Parlor stove. "The EIberon,"
Je ter known as the cleveland Wonder,n is
exciting the admiration and wonder of ali who
nave seen II. The Ladies pronounce IL "per-
fectly lovely" In form II resembles an 81. giant
ard roof, cornices, doors, windows,
vernada, etc, and 10 considered by all 10
he the baudsomest stove structure ever pro-
duc-d IL is q base heater; also double heater,
and ia said TO be simply perfect IN its opera.
lions. Special Induce = ents are being offered
TO one or two iuiluential parties In each town
for Introductory purposes. Write Coopera
tive Stove Co, Cleveland, Ohio, for full de-
seription and particulars.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

IL you are troubled with sores, aches,
pains and general weakness of the vari-
Gus bodily functions, don't be deceived
by the advertisements of bitters, kidney
medicines, etc., whose certificates of
pretended cures, are often paid for.
Put your trust in that simple remedy
called DR.. Guysott's Yellow Dock and
Sarsaparilla. 1t will cure you by puri-
flying the blood and strengthening the
weak portions of your body. You will
also find it worry refreshing to the brain
and nervous system. The proprietors
receive hundreds of letters bestowing
upon it the highest praise.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06
a.. VI. n.

Walking down Broadway is very
pleasant when you feel well. and r
K never felt better than when hi,
friend asked him how he got over thai
severe cough of his so speedily. "Ah
my boy, said T. &C. NJ ID. did it =
And his friend wondered what G. NJ ID.
meant. He knew it did not mean d
Good Many Doctors. for r K
had tried dozen in vain. IL have it,
said he, just hitting the nail on the
head, you mean DIR. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery or Gold Medal De
served as my friend j. S always
dubs it," Sold by druggists.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

According to the indianapolis News
q Mrs. Renshler of Madison recently
killed chicken in the presence of her
little boys. cutting its head off with q
Ratchet. The boys became interested
10 the proceeding and while the mother
was in the house the older brother pre-
vailed upon the Younger TO play the
part of the chicken and actually had
his head on the block and was about TO
chcp his head off, when an older broth
er accidentally noticed the game and
stopped the operation before any seri-
Gus damage had been done.
There is running horse called
Spiral" Wonder If it belongs TO the
shirt-studp
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06
"WONDERFUL EFFICACY. +"

Some people are slow in telling what
good things have been done for them,
but Mr.. John 7. Daily, Gillisonville, S.
c., says he takes great pleasure in tes-
tifying 20 the wonderful efficacy OF
Browns Iron Bitters in dyspepsia,
fever and ague, and general debility of
the system He has personally expert
enced the most satisfactory results from
the use of this valuable medicine. Make
a memorandum of this, all ye whose
systems are run down. Browns Iron
Bitters will cure you.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

Lezons OF people have had Their lives made
miserable by Piles This p,'nful dficulty is often
induced and always aggravated by Constipation.
Kidne, Wort is the or at EN- sdy for all affections
Of this nd 1t acts as gentle caihartic. pro
notes o healthy actlnn OF tn wsls, and s1othes
ard heals the innsmed surfaces IL has cursi
hundreds of cases wners ali o her remedies and
appl cations have flied. sold D oil drugg SITS.
sH-Fi.ted Gu, for the Season Dresses
cl' AXIS. coats, stocbing and oil q rments can be
G l,red succ s.fullv wth the iamond Dyes. Fash.
ION tile cilors oniy l0c ut druggtts. eis,
richardson n Co., BurIinst n, VT
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

We accidentally overheard the follow
ing dialogue or the street yesterday.
Jones. Smith, why don't you stop
that disgusting hawking and spittingP
Smith. How can j? You know am
a martyr to catarrh.
j. Do as did. had the disease in
its worst form but am we'll nov.
S. What did you do for it?
j. used DR.. Sage's Catarrh Remedy.
IL cured me and it will cure you.
s. I've heard OF it, and by Jove I'll
try it.
j. DO SO. You'll find it ut all the
drug stores in town.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

The reported drowning of 10000
persons bv recent flood in China re-
calls the flood caused by the breaking
of the dikes in Holland in 1880, which
swept away 40O.0 persons, or the
one before that in the same country,
from the same cause, in l42l, when
over 100, 600 people persisted.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

Your cough is growing worse. That
soreness and pain in the throat and
lungs is increasing. Better get rid OF
the absurd idea that anything will cure
cough or cold, and give DIR. Wistar's
Balsam of Wild Cherry a trial before il
is too late. 1t never fails to check con-
sumption, and quickly cures oil coughs
aud colds.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

Doctors ere get irg more and more into the
habit of prescribing proprietary medicines IN
their practice especially that known as HuNT's
The kIdneye. liver and bladder. They krow
from experience that Il Of more value In such
diseases than any prescription they can write.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

The Poultry Keeper, published ut Chicago,
Ill, has scaifved a wonderful Success In b
little over six months its circulation has in
creased TO thirty thousand actual subscribers
IL IS the paper for those interested in the profit
able pursuit Of poultry raising. Read theii
advertisement In this issue.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

Something that will quiet the nerves, Civ,
strength 10 the body, induce refreshing sle, p
improve the quality OF the blood, aud purli,
and brighten the complexion, Is what man,
persons would like 10 obtain. Carter Iron Pill,
ire made for icrly this class Of T. ub,es au
are remarkably successful In &C rplishipl
the end, desired, az named above gar
useful for both men and women . "a b.,
druggists. Price 80 cents box. 5 . adver.
tisement.
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

A farmer In Ohio county, KY, has
tobacco measuring 43 inches from the
stalk to the tip of the leaf and
inches IN width
Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-11-06

In letter from Hon. MRS PERY. Castle
g rev. Limerick, ireland, BRowN BRoycur-
AL rRocaRs are thus referred 10: Having
brought your Bronchial Troches' with me
when came 10 reside here, l found that after
had given them away to those considered
required them, the poor people will walk for
mites 10 get a few" For Coughs, Colds and
\ hroat Diseases they have no equal. Sold
only I'm bcxes