Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-07-16
Hooks Practical Jokes,

cab. My friend, he SAID, address
ing the driver, who looked rather as
tonished at the figure, "a very re-
spectacle man, but little tipsy." Not
even the passers-by in the street were
exempt from his cool impudencc. OBJ
serving man of most pompous air
strutting down the Strand, he stopped
him with 81 beg your pardon, sir, but
may l ask if you are any one particu-
lar?" Then, without waiting for re-
ply, he walked off, leaving the strang-
or transfxed in amazement. These,
however, are but poor specimens Of
his effrontery. Strolling one day arm
in.arm with Daniel Terry, the actor,
up a street in Soho, his nostrils were
assailed by most savory odor. Look
ing down an area, he saw the servants
in the kitchen below dressing up a
very fine dinner. "a party, no doubt"
said Terry "jolly dogsl what a feast !
/ should like to make one of them"
"I'll take a bet / do" replied Hook.
call for me at TO-" Leaving his
friend, he mounted the steps and
knocked at the door. Believing him
to be one of the expected guests, the
servant conducted him to the draw
ing-room, where number of persons
were assembled. Making himself per-
fectly at home he had q halfdozen
people about him, laughing at his b0nS
motS, before the host discovered that
a stranger was present. 81 beg your
pardon, sir" he said, addressing the
uninvitod one, "your name II, did
not quite catch it; servants are SO in
correct" "Smith, sir, Smith" replied
the unblushing Theodore, "don't apol-
ogize you are quite right, sir, SER
wants are great blockheads | remem-
Der most remarkable instance of
their mistakes" "But really, sir, /"
interrupted the host mildly, 81 did
not anticipate the pleasure of Mr..
Smiths company to dinner. Whom
do you suppose you are addressing"
"NIr. Thompson, of course" answered
Hook, "an old friend Of my fathers.
| received kind invitation from you
yesterday, on my arrival from Liver
pool, to dine with you to-day, family
party, come in boots, you said.' The
hest at once disclaimed the name of or
any knowledge Of the vivacious Smith.
Good heavens then / have come to
the wrong house," exclaimed the
hoaXer; "my dear sir, how can !
apologize ? so awkward, too, and ]
have asked q friend to call for me. I"
The old gentleman, probably thinking
SO witty a parsonage would make an
excellent addition to his party, begged
him to remain. With profusion of
apologies, Hook at first pretended to
decline-ultimately accepted. Every
body was delighted with him all the
evening he kept up constant fire of
wit and repartee, and ultimately sat
down to the piano, and sang extern
pore verses on every one present. In
the midst of these the door opened,
and, true to his appointment, in walk
ed Terry, at the sight Of whom, strik
ing new key, he sang:
'I'm very much pleased with your fare
Your cellars rs fine as your cook
Ny friends Mr.. Terry, the player,
And Pm Mr.. Theodore Hook"
One day after riding some distance
in hackney coach, he discovered he
had no money in his pocket to pay the
fare. Catching sight of a friend upon
the road, he took him up, hoping to
borrow from him the sum required,
but the friend was as impecunious as
himself. Hook considered for mo-
ment then calling out to the coach
man, desired him to drive to Mr.. IS,
well-known West-end surgeon. Ar
irving there, he sprang out of the
coach, knocked loudly, and demanded
of the servant who answered if Mr..
so-and-so was within. The doctor was
descending the stairs at the time.
"Oh, my dear sir" he cried wildly, in
an agitated voice, 81 trust you are not
engaged-excuse the feeling Of hus-
band, perhaps father by this time
your attendance is required instantly
at Mrs. -, Mo- such-and-su
n street. Don't loose moment; n
most peculiar case. / assure YOU 81
will order my carriage and go at once"
said the doctor. "No need for such
delay, | have one at the door; jump
in +; have to go for the nurse and will
follow Immediately" The lady, to
whose house the doctor was driven,
was a sour.tempercd middle-aged spin
ster; her Indignation upon receiving
such visit for such a purpose, may
be imagined, and the doctor was too
glad to escape from her very pro-
nounced wrath. But his troubles
were not yet over, for upon arriving
home cabby demanded of him the en-
tire fare, and would not leave the
house until it was paid.-Belgravia.
Local Pride.