davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01
ENGLISH MANNERS AT TABLE.

No guest ever passes q plate or serves
anything the servant does all that. Soup
Is taken from the side of the spoon, noise
lessly. Soup and fish are not partaken Of
the second time If there is joint, and the
host carves, 1t Is proper TO ask for seoca6
cut. Bread Is passed by the servant, and
must be broken, never cut. II is considered
gauche TO be undecided whether one win
take clear soup or thick soup; decide
quickly. In refusing wine simply say,
'Thanlcs," or better, Thank you" The
servants retire after handing the desert,
when the party OF once launches In politica
and gossip, with now and then (not often,
alas y bit of gay badinage, or chat"
until the lady of the house gives tho signal,
and the ladies retire TO the drawing-room.
Toasts and taking wine with people have
gone out of fashion, and the charms of the
irawing-room have 80 far increased In the
last decade that 1t Is only the more confirm
cd two-bottle men who " linger long across
the walnuts and tho wine, the .jsu,aesse dore,
usually preferring the cup Of tea poured by
some white hand and sweetened with lool
from dropping eyes, which is to be obtained
in the drawing-room. The English woman
appears In semi-grand toilette, with open
pompadour oorsage and elbow sleeves, II
not in iow-neclred, full dress attire, while
her daughters are universally sleeveless and
usually white, with low-neck corsage, even In
the depths OF winter. A man is invariably
In full dress for dinner, even il there Is no
one else present but his majesty, himself
Cincinnati Oommereia! IL
Tho THRILLING Adventure of a Bug.
The other night one of those snapper
bugs few In Of the open window and lit on
the car Of gentleman who was asleep. The
bug entered the ear and commenced his
swapping and tearing at the delicate lining
OF the ear with It's claws. The swapping
sounded like the boating Of thousand
sledge-hammers and clawing caused almost
insupportable pain. The bug was too far
In TO be pulled out by the fingers and the
gentleman arose and his wife tried in vain
10 get It out with needle and hairpin.
At last he resolved to 60 to o doctor and
while dressing himself his wife happened to
think Of tho attraction light had for bugs
and moths. She placed the lamp near the
ear and In less than half minute the bug
crawlsd out backward with the blood oozing
from the ear.--Macon Telegraph and Nos
| sezger
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01
A MATHEMATICAL MAsTICATOR.

A pale man, with high forhead came
into Booge's restaurant yesterday, sat down
ut table and ordered his dinner. Then he
took out of his pocket large diagram ap-
parently covered with unintelligible signs
and algebraic formula and fastened 1t with
q pin upon the wall where no could easily
observe IT, When his dinner came he looked
1t over attentively and then turned to pro-
found contemplation of his figures. After
q while he began to eat, but with great
deal Of caution and reserve, as though he
was afraid of making mistake or suspected
the biscuit Of concealng snag. Frequent.
ly he paused between the bites and his lips
moved as If in prayer. The latter illusion
was dispelled, however, by the occasional
ndistinct pronunciation of the name of n
numeral. He was evidently counting He
chewed with his eyes fixed upon the equa-
| tons of the diagram. There was pale,
BLUSH tinge about his face and he looked
bilious. His neighbor at the table hitched
his chair little further away and placed
his hat where he could seize II at a mo-
ment's notice. He suspected the newcomer
of being lunatic. Suddenly the stranger
caught his eye, started and inadvertently
swallowed his food. He seemed to be very
much put out by the occurrence.
why do you look at me that waya'
he demanded. g Do you think Pm pecu
liar 2" ffsf
" Well, 7 did think your manner little
odd" ventured tho other.
Not at all, sir" returned the stranger
emphatically. Pm dyspeptic and my
digestion is in bad way. have just learn
ed of Mr.. Gladstone's rules for regulating
mastication so rs to in the highest degree
facilitate digestion. I have adopted his
system of thirty-two chews to n pieco Of
steak, fourteen 10 o cold potato, &c., only
have improved upon it. What was before
crude is now systematic and theoretical. It
s the combinations which puzzle me. They
will not when l get used to it. Is the OK
PLANTATION sufficient 2" 1t was and in q few
moments more the scholarly dyspeptic was
plunged in the intricacics of o profound
mathematical problem. Boston Globe.
1
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01
A Rising Jourpalist.

Great Editor--What You don't want
to go to school2 Chip of Old Block-No,
| don't. It's nicer to play. But you said
only yesterday, my son, that you wanted to
DO great editor like your pa" % Yessir,
l learned to write last session" $50 be-
cause you can write now you think it un-
necessary to learn any more, ehl But you
know you can't spell. You miss every
other word, and you have not yet begun on
grammer." Yessir." "Very we'll. Now
what would you do if you became an editor
and your writings should come out in the
paper all crowded with mistakes ?" I" Blame
1t to the printer"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01
A NEW SWrNDLE.
Gotfins n Two DoilSr Dinner for Tweni
Cents In a New York Restaurant.


Hold on young man !" shouted the pro
prietor of downtown restaurant, yester.
day afternoon, ns well-dressed person
started for the door. after getting check
from the waiter on the plea that he had lost
his
There's your money, on the DESK" an-
swsred the youth pointing over his shoulder,
and still hurrying toward tho door. But no
was intercepted by waiter and forced to
take q seat until another young man finished
his repast and came forward.
"rve lost my check" said the second
young man.
ooh, you have p" answered the grim
cashier. Funny that both you fellows lost
your checks. That dinner will cost you just
$780,"
The young man won't down into his pock-
sts solemnly, fshed up a dollar and q half,
borrowed half from tho first young man,
paid the bill, and together they departed.
Pretty smart dodge they have got" re-
marked the proprietor. They took me in
once, but they will hardly do it again It's
a superb swindle, and enables them to get
90 dinners for forty cents"
impossible ~
Nothing impossible about It, and the
clover part Of 1t Ia that they steer clear of
the law. You see those chaps como in n
little apart, as II strangers, and sit ut the
same table. One orders 81. so or % din
Nor, and the other cup of coffee and roll
for 10 cents. Both receive checks. By and
by the coffee-and-roll young man passes his
ten cent check 10 the other and comes up
alone 10 the counter. When no gots here,
he says like the fret one who tried to gei
out, Tho waiter forgot to give mo Q
check.'" aA 1.ts
g But the waiter knows better" venturod
the reporter.
"Thats where you're mistaken. A waite
frequently neglects to give check. Some
times he forgets II perhaps he thinks tn,
customer will order more, or most likely h
holds 1t In the hope Of getting tip. So h,
does not doubt the truth of tho assertion
and says Ten cents The fellow puts NJ
his dime, and walks out"
Pretty soon the other fellow Finishes hi
good square meal, drlnks the last Of hi
claret, saunters up when several other Gus
toners are paying, lays down the 10 cent
check his partner passed him, covers all with
q 10 cent piece, and walks out picking hi
teeth. OF course tho cashier don't know
what he has had, and the racket may. b.
worked for an indefinite period, and oar
only DO found out through IN accident.
happened to be looking when the check was
passed"
But that is only one 90 meal. Wher
| does The other come in 2"
"why they meet outside, 60 to another
restaurant and play the same game only
the "a man becomes the 10 cent man thii
time. Economical and sumptuous, isn't it
Those chaps only lack luck and influence te
got to DO back Cashiers"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01
POETRY.
Looking ON The RrIgh. Side.

Looking ON the Bright Side.
Old Rethuel Green
Is tPogtal serene
WED never Knows trouble or PAIN,
The world q as bright
And q full @sweet light
TO him IN the sun or the rain.
II the rain, dripping down
From BIS feet 70 his crown,
Soaks him through, to the fireside he hops,
And remarks: Why, that rain
Brighter green makes the plain,
And cheers up my heart DER the crops"
II his crops all should fail ga
He would not mndly rail,
Nor his Ill luck to anything charge;
But would smiiingly say
In his arguing way:
"NeXt year they'll be three times as large"
When he's sex with the chills
He but smiles at the pills,
And calmly remarks to the nurse:
"These chills are all stun;
I'm happy enough
TO know have nothing much worsea
His place was once struck
BY the hghtninpi such luck
Ho regarded with good-natured faSa
And remarked TO his dame:
"Pm the person to blame,
For having no rods ON tho place"
Full happy's his lot,
All because he sighs not
For aught with which he Ia not blest
lie secs the bright side
OF this life, and his pride
Is in looking on all for the best
Old Bethuel Green
Is mortal serene
Whose happiness nothing can dim;
More rich and care-free FFHEf
This Old world would be Fl NEE
Had 1t only more mortals Nkc him.
r. X. Munkttofck
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01
Watermelon I.a aie.

elbow TO Tell Ripe Watermelon, is the
heading Of learned article that Is now 60
ing the rounds Of our exchanges. We care
nothing 10 tell ripe watermelon. All We
wapt TO do with ripe watermelon is totake
il out under the shade Of q tree or behind
tho corn-crib and there linger with II a little
while In silence. Detroit Free Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01

Tiff johnson went out fishing again, one
day last week He had nice lunch fixed mp,
but upon arriving at the creek he discover
sd that he lost it, so no retraced his steps.
Meeting a large satisned-lo' king negro, who
was picking his teeth, Til asked: did
you pick up anything in the road 2" No,
sab, didn't pick up muffin -couldn't dog
hab found it, and eat it up a"-Tsras SJt-
in0s
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01
A s,ude.t who p,d No. Die Il ( Do.

St"deht WHO DHd MOI DC IN . DaFts
What Is called the American duel has re-
ceived setback in Bavaria. A student
who had On affair of honor and drew the
short straw, which required him to send q
bullet through his own brain within twenty
four hours, was seen some days later.
Why, Mr.. Lionmouth, we Thought you
had shot yourself ~ exclaimed an acquaint-
ance. /" Well, you see, I fired, /" he replied.
but am not good shot,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01

A scientific sxnhange says that woman
can grow seven crops Of hair between the
sges Of fifteen and forty.five. Add TO this
what sho gathers from her husbands scalp,
and It ought not to take more than fort. :
i've ye9Fs to get material enough for hair
mattre1s. - Huntingdon Free Pres.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01
werth i6nowins.

An Ohio farmer says that COW can be
cured Of kicking by catching hold OF hei
leg while in the act. Just sol and bee
can be cured Of sting by catching holds Of
Its stinger while In the act. Tryem both
some time. It's fun.-Burlington Free
PrSss.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-10-01

''Blood- food'' is the suggestive name
often given to Ayers Sarsaparilla, because
of its blood enriching qualities.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01

The sum of 50, 900 has been appropriated
by the government for the construction of a
light house at Sea Isle City. m -a,n
An oak tree near Mantua creek bridge
Berkeley, Gloucester county, is twenty-five
feet in circumference
The Blaekwood Insane Asylum now con-
tains lightweight inmates the largest num-
Der it ever held.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01
DEPARTMENT DE THE
wOMEN'S CHRISTIAN TEMPERANCE
UNION, OF wOODsTOwN, N. J.

The manuscript of the following was found
among the papers of prominent citizen OF
Woodstown, now deceased author unknogn.
The work is DONE nor hope, nor love, nor tears
Can call the loved one back nor fill again
The vacant place-oh sound it in the ears
Of those who honor hell's most deadly bane
To human happiness. Go tell them come
And view the wreck, and taste the real joy
Impaired by their worshipd idol rum,
Which lendeth pleasure only to destroy.
oh, let them learn that it's the venom giv'n
BY Jfends to blast to crush all hope of Heav'n.
The legal murder now is at an end: =3 A-.
Man makes it legal, and the devil smiles;
Nor ruin of Il brother, son or friend
Can ask redress, the demons have their wiles
To fascinate, then crush. The scene draw near
Ye votaries of the law, to know the real bliss
Sanctioned by you, that now lies buried here,
Within this all insatiate abyss,
Where alcohol is king, and We are of that realm
OF serpents that would charm the soul, then
overwhelm.
The act is finished beyond all complaint,
Nor bleeding hearts, nor anguish, grief, nor
pain . .
Can change the savage code, nor ask restraint
Of those who merchandise for paltry gain
This hell-born beverage, that browns the soul,
Then all is lost, Oh, will We solons draw
With care around the scenes that you control.
And teach us how benifcem the law,
How good, how just, how high the path our
fathers trod, @ ..-Ia4 4a5t
Then cease while conscience whispers of the
law of God. ....55t ~.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01


1t was a belief with the ancients that on
one of the islands in the Mediterranean sea
there lived three sisters, called the Sirens
beautiful girls, but children Of hell. To
them was given melody of song such as
never before was heard by mortal ears. 1t
was the conditioner their being, decreed by
the gods, that they should sing to destroy /;
and when they should cease to entice then
they should die. So they sang in the night
and through the storm, and the melody of
their singing was heard far outa sea. The
passing mariner who caught the strain
forgot his home and turned thitherward
the prov. But no mariner who went
ashore ever returned And thus they sang
and destroyed until the barren beach of
their island home was strewn with bones
that were washed by the waves and bleach
ed by the sun. AT last Odysseus on his re-
turn from the ten years siege of Troy, had
to pass that way to his Grecian home.
Knowing of the sirens and fearing their
song, as he neared their home he caused to
oA'~'s
dashed himself to the mast OF his ship,
away from the helm. 4 In this way they
passed safely by and saved their lives and
destroyed the sirens. For centuries the
wave-tossed mariners have sailed hard by
their ancient home and no bewitching
music has lured them to destruction. In
like the ancient sirens, the alcoholic siren
sings it's seductive song in all ages and in
all lands. The bones of its victims whiten
all shores. From all round this green
earth there goes up to heaven the cry of
those it has widowed and orphaned. Deep
down in the dark and dreary cavern of hell
is heard the wall of those it has enticed and
damned. Unlike the ancient sirens the
alcoholic siren, when stripped Of, its garb
and guise, is monster hideous to behold.
1t is hundred headed hydra whose slime
blackens and whose breath is fetid with
death-a horrid devil-fsh that fastens its
tentacles round all that is pure and good in
the human heart-a sinking vampire whose
filthy roost is in lowest hell from which it
sallies forth, day and night, to glut on
human blood. Whatever garb this monster
puts on, whether of business, friendship or
sociality ); wherever it sings its alluring
song whether in bar-room or home it's pur-
pose always is to destroy. If we would be
wise let us, like the sailors of Odysseus,
stop our ears. c. II. r.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01

Correspondents must bear in mind that
to entitle their communications to notice,
it is indispensable that the real name Of the
writer must appear, not for publication
unless 50 desired, but for our own iiiforna-
acceptable, have been thrown aside on ae-
count of omission of this requisite, and so
will all future matter of the kind be served.
We don't propose to run a literary found
ling asylum, and take in the nameless mem
tai offerings of those who are afraid or
ashamed TO he responsible for their own
utterances Ji1
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01

Brilgetoi is to build $4,000 school
house ~
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01
FAITHFUL SERVANT.

When man is elected to political office
by either political party, he becomes the
servant of the whole people, irrespective of
party and for what ever good qualities he
shows in the discharge of his official duties,
he is entitled to due credit from his consti-
tuents. The MONITOR is not party or
gan or a partisan newspaper in any sense of
the word, but it believes in awarding honor
where honor is due, and especially when so
well deserved as in the case of Hon. George
Hires, senator from Salem county in the
State Legislature, who is prominently NEIL
toned in connection with the Republican
Congressional nomination in the First dis
trict. 4aHi.f h.rIlr .ut ltrut zu satu1
Whether Mr.. Hires desires the nominal
faithful service in a lower position will give
an official a right to go up higher" he
can certainly read his title clear to a seat i'm
Congress as well as amy of those who have
been mentioned in the same connection.
On his official record as sheriff and sena-
tor, no man can find blot He is one of
been sought by linn; and, as an intelligent
representative of the business interests of
South Jersey, the Republican party could
do no wiser thing than to make him their
standard bearer in the coming COMPRESSION
al fight. s.' as ~ li.ft .h. la.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01
TO THE READERS OF THE MONITOR.
,~ GREETING.


1t seems fitting at the close Of the first
six months existence of our paper and at
the time when it is emerging from its short
clothes and occupying a home of its own in
its chosen field that we should say some
what concerning its future prospects and
intentions.
1t was stated in the outset that THE
MONITOR had come to stay. This state
some with ridicule, and by others with CON
tempt. Many prophesied for it a very short
life, violent death and ignomnious burial
but those having the project in charge hav-
ing well considered the situation and count
ed the cost were not to be deferred by the
predictions of failure, but rather drew en-
enlargement from the many expressions of
good viii toward the enterprise received
from every quarter.
And now with our paper published under
the auspices of a stock company composed
of gentlemen who are thoroughly interested
and III earnest, with a full force of work
men and well-equipped office, we repeat
'''e ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS 'ii'e lie hoNlloh mas
come 10 stay, 10 make ltseii part Oh inc
history of Woodstown and lend its aid in
everything calculated to advance the best
interests of the community, on the princi-
pie of the greatest good to the greatest num-
oer' WIN personal Journalism HE MON
iroR VIII nave no sympathy, NO man or
sc. VI men HAS riSilt ny virtue vi owner
snip Oh pruning press, To assam private
character OF dfaS before the puolic their
private quarrels. IL any one whether
connected WIN tilis paper or not mas any
personal ieeiihS against any other lndivid-
uai he must seek some other avenue than
the columns OF TIE MONITOR lr' to give it ex-
preston. But OF men IN their public or
olhcial character, or OF thelr actions as
afeetlng the pubic at large HE MONITOR
reserves and will exercise the right OF criti-
cism according to the exgencies of the oc-
easfon' and within reasonable limits open
lts columns to correspondents We shall
toady tono man, or set OF men, Tor cltherpat-
ronage or influence, neither shall we seek
to revenge ourselves upon those who see fit
to withhold either, by abuse OF them or
their families Where we can say no good
OF man in his private capacity or rela-
Nv teenino Silent
Win nnblic affairs If tou,, co,,,t, or
state with questions Of neacc tonnorance
GOOD order and tbe prosneritv and bpildipg
nm If orr commnpitv Tur Iox,rop viii
have to do We shall ba,o o,,r - ,,;o,,.s a,,1
wa shan saw o,r saw and result. ,,,,,s+ s,,,.
whether orr views and onr uavi,ov .r.
wise mr. otberwice -tH'
As nancr TIM NoNirnp .e.Ls =, ,,srr,,
fine Mace If M otI,ar If sip,,,j, .oo,os no
fore the nnbIc ON II own moritt W. bono
and intend 10 make # a naner from eaah
issue Of which somewhat If nroft ar in
struction may he gathered Inv o,,or,, ono
' '"' - w. !" ny. =, oSeiy "oio NheticI eauca-
% ~ ~ @ may DC foaa
a
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01

G. b. Coles, of Camden, the lumber
dealer, has probably raised the first flag
with the prohibition ticket thereon in the
country. 1t hangs in front of his mill.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01

brought up for discussion in Washington
political circles
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-08-01

The following is copy of letterwritten
of the Home Visitor, a New Jersey Prohibition
organ ...... z,..@f
Dear Sir:-Your note of the 4th inst has
Just reached me. In answer to your inquiry
Isay:-I have had many letters from different
parts of the country making inquiries about
Mr.. Blaine. My reply has been that he has
always been friend of the Maine law and
has many times rendered important service
it. He is in favor of the proposed Consti-
tutional amendment and will vote forit. He
is also teetotaler and has been SO several
years. s.+-.=
The Republican party of Maine has always
made prohibition a part of its platform and
conceded to the people at the last Legislature
an opportunity to vote on the question of
constitutional prohibition, as it is the un-
doubted right of the people to do. The tenn
perance men of Maine therefore may properly
be loyal to the party which has just claim
to their support. But outside of this State,
Vermont, Kansas and Iowa the Republican
party has no claim whatever upon tenn
perance men for help at the ballot-box.
We, the temperance men of Maine, are firm
in the conviction that our object, the prohibi
ton and suppression of the liquor traffic, can
never be attained except by independent poll
teal action. The sooner that policy is re-
sorted to and vigorously pursued the sooner
we shall win. Respectfully,
NEAL DOW.
Portland Me-, july 8, 1884.