Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-03-16
MARK TWAIN's LAST.

their scientific talk about the Carson
Footprints, and try to saddle them on the
Primeyal Man, the Irish Elk and others
who are gone and cannot now defend
themselves; it maybe all very well. say,
and entertaining. and within the just
limits of scientific SANDER and research,
but it is not moral. For | know the cold
facts about the Footprints. and l know
they We're not made by the Primeyal Man,
or the Irish Elk or any of that sect; they
We're made by the first Nevada Territorial
Legislature, and | was there when it " as
done. 1t was done at the time Of the sine
die adjournment. 1t had rained rain all
the evening outside, and it had rained
whisky all the evening inside-lnSide the
fence, | mean. for there were no buildings
in that early day-and neither you nor a
much older man could have told on which
side Of the fence the weather was the
most Indictment. / was on both sides of
il. for q brief, uncertain season, and
couldn't tell. The Footprint quarry,
where that Legislature sat-st0Od, while
they could, | mean-was dry alkali nat,
with a fence around it, the rain be-
gan; just dry alkali fiat, containing a
fence-full OF dry honorable alkalied flats
from all over the Territory; and in three
hours that first mentioned fiat was absO-
Iutely soaked to the d epth of three inches ;
and the others all the way through.
make no exceptions; l say all. / was
there, and / know. 80 the place was be-
come a regular marsh, full of irregular
Marshes. so to speak-meaning the Legis-
lature, but intending no disTespect. And
when the weather moderated so that no
one could venture outside-outside the
fencc-these latter adjourned IN the usual
form-form used BY Territorial Legislatures
Of that day-the Speaker bringing down
MS gayel on the head of the member mis-
taken by these scientists for the Irish Elk
II. ,TaA9 H. To- Nt1r
feDce-p0st-and thus, as you see, is the
gloom and sorrow fad0uble error spread
over this moldering historic Incident-and
6aId-cOmmOn time, four beats to the
measure. that is to say four niccOughs to
the sentence: The mOdder having
weatherated," and so on, in similar
strain, til he got through. l remember it
as if it were but Yesterday. Thus dis
solved, they departed thence.
1t was then that he made the tracks.
They couldn't help making them; for the
place was q marsh, as | was telling you.
/ saw it done; for [ was there. l was
there, and / shall now cast upon this
pale dim void Of scientific conjecture the
Iurid glare of history. l was there and |
saw them march. The PTimeval Man
was absent, the Irish Elk did not arrive
the Cave Bear responded not to the sum-
mons: the Old SilUriau Ass got left. The
menagerie was wholly local. Part of it l
saw. and the rest of it | was. This is
cold hosiery; and history cannot lie.
The Speaker went first. He made the
large trackg-the ones that are eight
inches broad and eighteen inches long,
and resemble the footprint of a champage
basket. He was prime man in two or
three ways, and evil IN forty; but he was
not the Primeval Man, just the same; re-
fleet upon this. | was there; l was there
all the time; and | knew him we'll. He
made the large tracks. And he did it
without an effort. He could have done it
with one hand tied behind hig so Ibut dG
50 hifaFeis SSo7 though l knew bin weli.
Ills name was Welsh; either Woish or
Sanders, l don't remember Unlen; but 1t
was name that sOuH41cu Ike those. He
was a ranchers Kept ranch; cattle
ranch: and aid not wear shoes, such not
being II g custom, though a praying man
from his mothers knee. And always
when he went forth ranching with all his
might into the pasture among the cattle,
there was much hay and straw living
scattered about, and with it much other
material-material of a plastic nature;
mud, to wit: acres Of it; and this material
and the straw did OF a truth and by Gus
tom combine and form unto him uncreat-
ed sandals, as you may say-uncreated,
because not projected by volItiOn nor
wrought by art-nay, they were but the
accumulatiye achievement of time: that
is 20 say, time and patient neglect. And
as the prosperous years rolled on his
sandals waxed, and gathered grace and
style, and also magnitude and majesty:
ins0much that the footprints of him was
like TO the footprint of a hO9shead which
is appended in the snow. And he became
a legislator, and also Speaker. But there
was jealousy because of the splendor of
his attachments in the field; there was
rancor because Of the sublimity of his
sandals. And besides, there was not
room; for the alkali fiat was circumscrib-
ed in area, and he unjustly occupied space
proper and sufficient for the representa-
ton of several counties; also, he trOd upOn
the feet of distant members, Those near
at hand could see the danger, and avoid
it; but those who were further removed,
having no warning, his step being noise
less, like to that of the stealthy and
cushioned cat, suffered. Yet his inten-
tiOns were pure, he did these things
dvertently-usually while absorbed in
thought concerning the national debt.
So. charges were brought against him
and he was indicted, tried and condemned
as an Obstructionist. The verdict was
confirmed by the appellate courts in sue
cesslOn, by Congress also, and finally by
the United States Supreme Courts, sitting
in bank, or chambers, or somewhere, and
this latter condemned him to cut his san
dals down to eight inches broad and
eighteen inches long, with costs; and thus
it was With these reduced powers, these di-
minished capacities, that he made the now
wOrld-renoWned Footprints for the Prime
val Nan, But suppose he had had a
thanee 60 do some fossil tracks for the
benefit Of science before they trimmed his
golden slippers? Which one Of the
Iamented would they have laid them on?
But that is not vital to my theme-they'd
have found a fossil to tit them, judge.
Such is history; and thus IS the Prime
val Man indicated, struck from the
roster. and dismissed from further service
in this conflict. / now proceed to dispose
of the rest Of these myths. Ii were gone,
and the treasury Of history with me, they
yet could not stand; for even the scien-
titic theory that gave them being would
be also their destruction. Because 1t
locates them back III the Old Red Sand
stone Period. The Irish are a compare
lively recent formation. They belong to
the Old Blue GrindstOne Tertiary, and
are there confined to the stratitied rocks
of the pOst-pliOcene alluVlum and upper
pentamerOus limestone. The assertion of
Hugh Miller and other early observers,
that traces Of them are discoverable in the
,Jurassic deposits of the CarboniferOus
Chalks. between the median layer of old
ofthe Paleozoic COngl0merate, was regard
ed with suspicion at the time, and is now
known to have been wholly Dituminous.
Now then, we come to the point. If these
footprints belong to the Old Red Sand
stone Period, what becomes of your Irish
Elk? What was ne doing there when
there wern't any Irish yet? Answer me
that. Crack me that nut, Messieurs
Marshand Harkness-and pray let us have
10 eoiop4ifc foldarOI about it. ct us
have a square deal just this once. The
case is simple; l see your geological
bIunder, and go YOU a geological fact
better-now you call me, If you can. Then
we'H draw three apiece and double the
pot. ] think nobody can offer fairer than
that.
And so | have disposed of the Irish Elk
AS l look at it. Now we come to the
Cave Bear. What is his period? He be-
longs among the talcose hornblender OF
the Post-Tertiary Devonian, along with
the thecOdont saurians, cryptogamous