News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-08-28

employed in a bank. All In the WorIo
YOU will have to do will be to steal about
$40, 900, and you will have both the IL
clination and the money to travel -
Teras SytingS.
A COUNTESS RETURNS.
Mrs. Nobody-"Ah! how DE do,
Countess /? am so glad to see you home;
but I was in hopes you would bring
your husband with you. Let me see, IL
is three months since you were married,
is it not 2"
New Countess Cwearily)-"Yes, three
months, three months"
"The Count is well, I hope3"
eyes, he is, believe"
"And / suppose you enjoyed life in
his grand castle?"
"For while, yes; but you see it took
all my fortune to pay off the old debts
on it"
"Indeed Poor child how I wish l
could help You r
"You can |"
"How?"
"Let me have your family wash T.
WISE BARTENDER.
The corridor of a summer hotel is the
scene; a thirsty ty-looking man, perspiring
freely, aud an important-looking fat wo-
man are the Gramatis persona.
He Crying the bar room door)--Er- =
the exchange-er--doesn't appear to be
open.
She (appearing in doorway)-No;
the bartender has just locked it up for a
minute to go across the street and get
decent drink. boston Globe.
NOT VISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE
"My son." said a proud father after
the usual greetings upon the young
mans return from college, shave you
microscope among your traps ?"
ga microscope, dad Z" replied the as
tonished youth.
"Yes, my son; you have been in COL
lege, you know, four years and /
thought if you had microscope handy
I should like to see how much you had
learne d. .''--BostOn Transcript.
SIZE WAS A PICNIC GIRL.
Carrie" said one Somerville girl to
another yesterday, ''are you going to
the picnic tomorrow
81 sm. Are you?"
"Of course"
"Whlt do you intend to wear p
"My white muslin, of course. What
do you intend to wear ?"
81 will wear waterproof cloak. I've
been at picnics before. ."-SonaerviIte
Journal.
BOARD AT THE sEAsHoRE.
"What is your price a week for this
room ?" asked gentleman OF a seaside
| landlord.
The price was named.
"Does that include the ocean air, q
do you charge extra for that?"
"Weli," replied the landlord hesi
tatingly, as though he wasn't the maj
to charge for anything that he coull
possibly afford to give away, "that de
pends. Of course, if you keep you
window open all night should expec
70 add a little something to the bill. -"
MALAPRoPoS.
.I see by the paper" said Mrs
Brown to her husband, "that you
friend Jones has had handsome bull
dog presented to him by his admirinf
friends"
"Gool gracious, is it possible !" ex
claimed Mr.. Brown. Chow injudicious
Why, that will ruin him."
"Ruiu him? Why so ?"
"Why, the man has four marriage
able daughters that he is trying to ge
off his hands"
Tco PROUD TO PICK GEEsE.
A lady residing in the northeastern
part of the town recently wanted the
services Of an Indian to pick a goose.
She approached the first one she met
with:
Jim, would you like to come and
pick a goose for me?'
Then the noble red man thus
addressed drew himself up to his full
height, expanded his chest with pride
and Indignation and haughtily inquired
"You know me?"
''No, I don't know you," responds
the lady, somewhat surprised.
"Ugh!' grunted the Indian, as il
pitying her ignorance, 'me Captain
Sam. Me no pick goose. Me send my
wife. - Virginia City (Nev.) Ctron
icLe.
VERY FRANK.
Guest-"Who owns this hotel p
WATERFALLS. Blank am de propri
etor, sah."
Guest-"Glad to hear it. though
from your actions that the walters owned
the hotel"
Waiter--"Oh, no, sab. We don
: own muffin but de guests. Phil. CAL
WHAT he GETS.
Little Jack--"Pa, why is a receive
so called? ?"
Pa-"What kind of receiver do yo1
mean p
Little Jack-"Why, mean the kin
, that is appointed when a company get
in tight place. What does receive
receive ?"
, Pa-''Pretty much all there is, m
> son. "--EUe. CdU.