Morning journal and courier., 1884-12-19
A TALE OF ROASTED oHEsTNUTs
How a Car Conductor Became First
 Angry and Then Amazed TE7roro tho Navy vorlr Tirnee7

From the New York Times.l
 The small gong tol1ed the knen of parting car, and the democratic vehicle wound slow ly oer it's way down Broadway. It would have tinkled in the breeze, but there was no breeze, so the sound of it's bells went little further than the ears of the occupants of it's interior. And the first pair of ears that the music reached were so daintily shell-like and 1 fascinatingly pink that it could have been pardoned if it had fingered there. The fragile aural appendages belonged to demure young lady in 8 long sealskin dolman, who was evidently on her way down to theatre, and was determined to render that way as pleasant as possible. Her glance rested with apparent amusement upon an elaborately g1ossed dress suit and Sahara-ike expanse of shirt front adorned with two little oases in the shape of diamond studs, which re- clined upon the seat opposite to her. With in this luxurious garb lounged a supreme youth who was likewise, to all appearances, bound for the theatre. He was horribly bored, to judge from his expressive face, in which bland imbecility was blended with stultifed good-humor, and he glanced out of the window, in order that the sealskln clad damsel should not awaken in him undue in terest To the right and left of each of the theatre bound parties the usual medley of stout women, lean men and objectionable children were scattered. The conductor himself was one of those aristocratic em- ployes who regard their position as a step ping -stone to better things, and imagine that by being unduly naughty they are commen- cling to step. He glanced with interest at the pleasing damsel, and with scorn at the Saha- ra-like shirt front, and by doing so felt that he was sustaining the traditions of his kind. And the car tinkled slowly on, the damsel still smiling at the dress suit, and the occu- pant of the dress suit still gazing from the window Suddenly an inspiration seemed to descend upon the conductor in the form of a scowI and he advanced up the car to where the dress suit fingered.
 ssLook here, mister" he remarked, ''look there We can't allow that kind of thing you know. We should need few extra em- ployes.n The conductor drew the supreme one's attention to little mound of nut shells directly by his boot, and then glared upon him sternly. "Do you know what those are?';
 'fChestnuts, :" said the youth as wearily as though he were listening to series of trlte anecdotes. ''Why do you ask?"
 tsDon't throw any more of your shells down there" was the severe comment "The trouble of cleaning lem up costs more than your nickel fare.''
 At this indelicate remark the supreme one blushed so deeply that the Sahara-like shirt front seemed in danger of reckoning. ." ou think I've been eating chestnutss' he said scornfully. 'fWhat do you take me fors These shells never belonged to me, you inso- lent puppy. I shall report you to the com pany."
 But the conductor was incredulous, and after stooping to pick up the shells flung them out of the window, with caution to the supreme one not to do 1t again.
 oIsII 4fpIy1nI olaJC1u on still the damseI sat smiling at the dress suit and still the occupant of the dress suit gazed from the window They were but two blocks distant from Da1y's Theatre when the con- ductor again glanced toward the supreme one. To his horror and consternatfon an other little mound of chestnut shells, more imposing than the first, lay beside his point ed boot. Then the conductor so completely lost his temper that he forgot all about the stepping stone to better things
 feYou must leave the car," he exclaimed, furiously, to the supreme one. You shall not litter up the ground with your nastiness. I told you so before.
 tfBv Jovern exclaimed he of the suprema- cy. esthis passes all bounds. What do you mean by insinuating that indulge in chest nuts You impertinent-"
 ssYou shall leave-n
 ftI'Il he hanged if-"
 At that moment the sealskin damsel rung the bell and the car stopped. Rising from her seat, she took from beneath the folds of her dolman little bag of chestnuts, and as she passed out placed it between the condue- tor and the supreme youth.
 @There, she said fippantly, divide that between you like good children, and for goodness sake don't quarrel about me-"
 And a blight seemed to settle upon the conductor; the supreme one stepped magnif- centIy from the car, and the chestnuts lay in roasted glory to be finally secreted by a hun gry boy.