The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-12-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

medical journal, asking what will pre-.
vent stammering. One way is to keep
the mouth shut. We suspect she never
thought of that,
A magazine writer says that DRESS
must always be an outward indication
Of the mind within" Whence, there
fore, the legs of a dudes pantaloons
indicate that he has a very thin and
contracted mind. -NoTiStoWR Heraid.
In speaking of the girl to whom he
was engaged he referred to her as his
finance, " "You mean your fiancee,
! guess. 1t is pronounced fee-ong-say."
81 don't care how it is pronounced;
this girl is my fnanccc She's worth
$4,000. ~ y SIN.
Papa, said little boy, looking up
from his Sunday-school lesson, "are all
our deeds in this world recorded?"
"Not always" replied the old man,
who is real-estate lawyer, Il lost
$3.50 once by failing to record Decd
~ T. Null and ErpreSS
Lost your grip?n a Philadelphia
drummer asked his colleague, who was
looking very dismal on the train mo-
replied the man from Market street,
looking sadly at the pretty girl three
seats in front, whose side he had Just
left I've got the sack, '-BUltngtoR
Holckcye.
4 young lady just out of Vassar was
walking along an uptown street, and
saw a sign in shop reading: Car
pets laid. y Having glanced at it
moment to make sure, she stepped in
side and asked TO see the hens. At
least we are 50 informed by CORES
pondent,-Pack,
am determined to learn at what
hour my husband comes home nights.
yet do what | will, / can not keep
awake, and he is always careful not to
make particle Of noise. Is there any
drug which produces wakefulness?-
Wife. No need to buy drugs, Sprinkle
the floor with tacks.
Have you ever experienced extreme
cold, discovered that your senses were
becoming numb, and delicious
languor stealing over you that YOU
we're poweress to Shake or? have"
80 have |, often "Whcre?n an
Boston. / used to call on a Boston
girl twice a week. ~ y SIN.
care you a Theosophist?" inquired
st, Louis lady of a brilliant Bos-
tonienne, who was visiting her. "a
what?' calculated the young lady
from the Hub "Why, Theosophist.h
"Oh. dear, no; wo have no such thing
in Boston. The Sullivan fist, you
know, is the only popular one in Boston
now h--H. LouiS critic.
a sage college girl at Cornell Uni
versity is wrestling with this important
problems If heat expands things and
cold contracts them, how is it that coal
bills are larger in Winter than in SUM
mer? Such q disposition to give do.
nestle questions precedence over the
arduous tasks Of noyel-reading and
humping the piano shows pitiful de-
cadence in American girlhood.
Confectioner - Remember that all
the French candy is in this case"
New clerk -."How do YOU get it fresh?N
Fresh? Why, we make it, of course"
"But thought French candy was inn
ported "Oh, no; we make it our
selves. But, then, why is it called
French candy-do the ingredients
come from France well | don't
know; maybe the plaster of Paris
does Hi'adclphm tm
"Wall, ef dat want de blam'e.t
caper | cher seed,' exclaimed an old
negro who sat on the bank Of a BAYOU,
fishing whats the mattcrP" some
one asked. "W'y, sab, is now my
dog he cummcd crlong an laid down
at my feet an jis' di, mint er alligator
he slips up an grabs de dog an takes
him crway De imperljtis trick cher
seed Minis me o a Niger preacher,
at er barbecue
"Thoy say that fish make, brains
remarked Mrs, Yeast to her friend
Mrs, Crimsonbeak, with whom she was
dining the other day. II don alicye
It, replied the smart ho,tc. who
generally liked to have her own way,
"Wcll, do said the visitor rather
omphatically, "Wcll, guess ought
to know sharply exclaimed Mrs.
Crimsonbeak, losing hertcmpcr. "Tye
been eating It for the last lorty.six
years. ~ loHkorS Statesman.
Mr. Minks--"Ahl my dear fellow, al.
low me to congratulate You. Been
married almost month, haven't your"
Mr. Pink -"Oycr month"; '"lIas
Your love stood the est OF malrimonypn
"PencctIy' "Suro of it., ch2"
Could not be more so. We had bis.
cuts for dinner Yesterday "Did
wiiey make themP' yes" "And
You ate thcm?' eyes, NNlhout a
murmur2' 'Without n murmur"
'iappy manl'--AaJWW NcWs
The day was young, Two men. each
carrying lot OF tools, came slowly up
to the corner of ----- street, and there
paused A Milton car had lust passed
the corner, and was fully twenty feet
away. There's our car" remarked
one, calmly mo matter" replied his
companions "wc'd have TO hurry TO
ketch 1t, Thcro'll be another In nm
hour" and they seated. themselves in n
doorway and lighted their pipes. They
were plumbers - Boston GioJe.