davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26
HUMOROUS PRESS STORIES.
LAUGHABLE LINKS FROM The FUN
NY MANS CHAIN OF hUMOR.
Place for the COyvcatchcr-Hc Didn't
Engage Her-A Baked Benn Dis-
aStcr-CruShcd H~lIaZcrS.S
LAC FOR THE COwCATCHEN

PLACE FOR THE COwCATCHER.
Of the countless good stories attributed
to Artcmus Ward, one Of the best is the
one which tells of the advice he gave to a
Southern railroad conductor soon after
the war. The road was in a wrctchcd
condition, and the trains consequent
ly were run at a phcnominally low rate OF
speed. When the conductor was punch
ing his ticket, Artcmus remarked:
docs this railroad company allow pas
scngcrS to give advice, if they DO so IN a
rcspcctful manner" The conductor re-
piled in gruir tones that he guessed SO.
"Wcll," Artcmus went on, lit occurred
to me that it would be well to dctach the
~cowcatchcr from the front of the engine
and hitch it to the rear of the train. For
YOU sec we arc not liable to ovcrtake a
cow, but what's to prevent a COW stroll
ing into this car and biting Il paSscngcr!'
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26
4 splendid Dairy

is one that yields its owner a good profit
through the whole season. But he must sup
ply the COWS with what they need in order fol-
them to be able to keep up their product.
When their butter gets light in color he must
make it gilt edged" by using Wells, Richard
son & Co.'S, Improved Butter Color. 1t give:
the golden color Of June, and adds five cents
per bound to the value of the butter.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26
For twentv.Gvo ycars I have been afflicted

For twenty-five years 1 have been afflicted
with Catarrh SO that l have been confined to
my room for two months at a time. nave
tried all the hulnbu.s in hopes Of relief Blu;
with no SUCCESS until l met with an old frieni
who hal used Ily's Cream BALM and advised
me- 10 Try it. lprocured a bottle to llease him.
md from the first application | found relief.
1t is tho best remedy | ever tried. W..
MATHEWS. Justice of Peace, Shenpndoall, la.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26
The Doctors Endorsement.

DR.. W. D. Wright, Cincinnati, o.. *ent
the %slbjoinel professional Endorsement: g
have prescribed DR.. VIM. Halls Ba'sam fC
the Lungs in a great number Of cases III
always with surcc $. One case in particula
was given up by several physicians who ha
ben callel in for CONSULTATION with myself
Thu patient Lad I'll the symptoms IF cor
firned col-um;, tiOn-coll night sweats, heC
tic fever, harlssing Iughs, etc. He OF
menced Immediately to get better, and wa
soon re,tored u his usual health. | ais
found DR.. Wm. Halls Balsam for the Lung
the most valuable exrcctorant for breakin
III distressing coughs and colds"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26
THE supply Of oranges is short OF the
mand in Florida.

My daughter was troubled with Heart Dis
ease for five years, given up by physicians,
had sinking spells, constant pain, great swell
ing over her heart extending to left arm. and
severe spells OF neuralgia extending over en-
tire body, doctors could not help her. DR..
Graves Heart Regulator cured her within
three months. James Tilton, Concord, N. B.
81 per bottle at druggists.
The Chinese are swarming into Mexico
along the trunk lines of railroads by hun.
dreds.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26

Fon DYSPEPSIA, INDIGESTION, depression ofspir-
its and general debility in their various forms.
also as Il preventive against fever and aSuc and
otlicrintcrmittent fcvers. the ''Fcrro-Phosphor-
atcd Elixir of Calisaya," made by Caswell,
Hazard 4 Co., New York, and sold by all Drug
gists, is the best tonic and for patients recover
ingfrom fever or other sickness it las no equal.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26

Virus of all diseases arises from the blood.
Samaritan Nervine cures all blood disorders
DR.. j. A. Patmore, of'Riley, Ind, truly re-
marks: Samaritan Nervine cures epilepsy
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26

He that hath no silver in lis purse
should have it on bis tongue.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26

Piso's Cure for Consumption is not only
pleasant to take, but it is sure to cure.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26

Phoenix Pectoral cures cold and cough. y.
Camphor Milk cures aches aud pains. %.
Thousands Upon Thousands.
The proprietorS of the wo"rld-renowned car.
b%oliue-thc natural Hair ReStOrer-never put
up less than 1,OOJ gallons Mt a time This gives
hit an idea Of its Immense demand.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-03-26
WrnstIing With q Bear,

A correspondent of the philadelphia
Times gives this scene from the daily
life at the Hot Springs, Ark: A street
car passes, drawn by a mclancholy-look-
ing mule. On the car hangs a placard
BLACK DAN AND THE BEAR
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-01-26
A Turn in Trade.

The record in commercial circles
during the past week does not, at
first sight, suggest a favorable mo-
ment for an Improvement IN the
movement of general merchandise.
Eastern railroad pool troubles have
initiated against any such outcome.
Railroad earnings have been smaller
than at corresponding periods in
preceding years, with no prospect for
immediate gain. The wheat market
has received black eye from which
it is not likely to recover for some
time, and Indian corn sympathized
deeply. Provisions, too, were not
Indifferent The stock market at
the East has been violently twisted
by the crowd who have succeeded in
RELOCATING Mr. Willard to private
life, and they now announce that
little, if any thing, short of Jay
Gould's scalp will appease their APP
petites during the existing campaign
for squeezing out water.
Yet, in week in which these
violent antagonists OF better business
have had full sway, special dispatch
co lCCOlu r1 uhIuSoolohtsSAo oN ' INV
in trade circles. AT a large major
ity of distributive centers through
out the country merchandise has
been sold with greater freedom than
for several months past. This IS
conspicuous in dry goods, and signi-
icantly the case in regard to iron
and steel. The movement OF dry
goods has been moderately active
where before it was sluggish. At
New York City, the dry goods empor-
ium of the country, the sales have
increased 80 per cent, on the week,
and Boston is even inclined to ad-
NIT that there is even more freedom
among purchasers in ordering sup
plies for the South and West at that
market. This is not so conspicuous
at Philadelphia, but is true at Chica
go, relatively, as compared with
New York. Inquiries from interior
towns and cities are more frequent,
and travellers who have been called
off the road have been sent out
again.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-01-26
SALE OF
TOWN PROPERTY.

10y VIRTUE of two deeds of trust exe-
ID cuted by Maria L. Smith and Joseph
G. Smith, her husband, to the UNDER
signed trustee, the one bearing date the
25th day of October, 1881, and recorded
in Deed Book No rs, page 204, of the
land records OF Berkeley county, West
Virginia, aud the other bearing date the
29th day Of April, 1882, and recorded in
Deed BOOK No 70, page II, Of said re-
cords, the said trustee will offer for sale
at public anction in front of the Court
House of said county, at . O'Clock p. m.
on Saturday, the 18th day of January,
1884, that VALUABLE PROPERTY
and desirable residence, stu tied on the
southwest corner of King and Church
streets, in the town of Martinsburg, in
said county, fronting 5l3 feet on each OF
said streets, the same being rectangle
and part of Lot No. 1875, aud having on
it a good two story frame dwelling
house, together with the other improve
ments necessary to render it convenient
and pleasant residence.
TERMS OF SALE. Cash.
d 20 's3 LUTHER MILLER.
Trustee.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-01-26
NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
SALE.


A S ADMINISTRATORS of the estate of
N Warner Emerson, deceased | will
sell at my residence mile south of Fall
ing Waters and mile north of Beding
ton, along the line Of the G. V. r. R.,
on
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY IA, '84,
at 10 o'clock, the following descr ibed
property, viz: head Of work horses, a
of the m BArshear leaders, yearling colt
3 head of mic cows, 3 head OF young
cattle, good brood SOW, (full Chester)
IL head Of shoats, road wagon,l spring
wagon, rocking carriage, drill, l
horserake, sleigh and bells, 2 wheat
fans, ] corn sheller, | Studebaker wagon
bed (new), l pair of grain LADDERS, bar
shear plows, double sh ovel plows,
sin { lie shovel plows, l harrow, pair of
front gears, pair Of harness, pair of
pillow gears, collars, brides and halters, 2
grain cradles 3 moving scythes, forks,
mattock and shovels, 2 cross-cut saws a
lot of grain sacks, ! grind stone, n set of
cooper tools, 1000 pieces of ccoperstuf,
1000 shingles, 50t BUSHELS OF
CORN, more or less, IL TONS OF HAY,
rs BUSHELS OF OATS, more or less, a
lot of FODDER and various other
articles too numerous to mention.
TERMS OF SALE.-CASH.
ELIZABETH EMERSON,
Adm'x. of w. W. Emerson, decd
l.. S. HOWARD, Auc't. j22
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-01-26
An Old story for Detectives.
New York Times.

The story about an Indian who
found white man lying dead in the
woods with a bullet -hole in his fore
head is one of the best illustrations
of the habit of observation which a
detective must cultivate. The In
dian came into the white settlement
and told the settlers his story: "Me
found white man dead in woods.
Had hole in his head. Short white
man shot him with long gun; ram
rod of gun three inches beyond muZ-
zle of gun. Wore gray wooden coat.
Had little dog with short tail. Had
waited long while for dead man to
come along" "How do you know
all this? Did you see it 7" was nat
urally demanded of the Indian.
ooh, yes me saw; now show
you.n The settlers visited the scene
of the murder, ana the Indian
showed them the place where
the murderer had waited for his vic
tim. He had set his gun against the
tree. 1t was long one, because
the bark was slightly graZed high
UP, and about three inches above
the mark left by the muzzle, there
was slight mark made by the ram
rod, showing that it projected three
inches. The man wore gray wool
en- coat. because where he had leaned
against the tree little particles of
gray threads had been caught by the
bark. There was the place where
the little dog sat on his launches
his stump Jail left "a mark in the
yielding soil. The muir 1erer was
Short. because when he reloaded his
gun he set the butt good way from
his feet. The trail he left coming
and golag showed he was white, be-
cause he turned his toes out. In
dams never did. The trail also
showed that the one coming to the
tree was older than the one going
away from thence the murderer
had waited.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-01-26
.NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
DUBLIC SALE.

The undersigned, intending to remove
in the spring, will offer at public sale to
the highest bidder, at his present resi-
dence on the farm known as the "Page
Farm about two and a half miles south
east of Martinsburg, on
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY IL, 1884,
at 10 O'Clock. the following described
property, viz: 6 HEAD OF WORK
Horses, 6 head of Mich Cows, all of them
part Alderny, one fresh; head of FAT
CATTLE, 6 head OF Young Cattle. 9
head ofshoats. / Four-horse broad thread
Farm Wagon, nearly new Jump Seat
Jaeger Wagon, Mason b Rice's make,
3-horse Wagon, barshear plows, l g.
horse harrow, single and double
shovel plows; sets front wagon har-
ness, sets of plow gears, set of black.
smiths tools, forks, rakes, mattocks,
grindstone. 2 fifth-chains, ! 3-horse
stretcher, fodder cutter, cutting box,
q horse. power threshing machine. A lot
of Glover Hay and Fodder, and num-
Der Of articles not necessary to men,
ton.
TERMS.-A credit of nine months will
be given on all sums of $40 and over,
under that amount cash. Notes with
approved security will be required, with
interest from date Of note, but if paid at
maturity the interest will be RENTED.
No property to be removed until terms of
sale are complied with.
A. J. HUGHES.
J. V. Quinn, Auc'r. (jan19
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-01-26
REPORT OF THE CONDITION

nF THE NATIONAL BANK at Mar
~ tinsburg, in the State Of West vir-
ginia. at the close of business, December
81, 1888:
RESOUPCES
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-01-26

STATE OF WEST VIRGINIA, County of
Berkeley, IS |, Geo s. Hill, Cashier of
he above named bank, do solemnly swear
that the above statement is true to the best
Of my knowledge and belief.
GEO. S. HILL, Cashier.
Subscribed and sworn to before me this
18th day of January, 1884.
NJ T. INGLES, Notary Public.
ORREcT-Attest:
JOHN N. ABELL, ]
H. N. DEATRlcK, Directors
VIM. T. STEWART.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-01-26

MARTINSBURG, WEST VIRGINIA

here nd w Dned
ert nney& has beer
in the hands o c. Je fn quy
nrwa dndeule eth meat
DOWNEy
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1884-01-26
When you Visit Washington, Stop at The
American House,
Penna. Ave-, Cor. Seventh ST.,
Washington, ID. G..

TERMS, ga PER DAY.
The proprietors of this House, the old
est established Hote.. in Washington. de.
sire to call the attention of their patrons
and the public to the fact that the Hotel
is and has been the headquarters for West
Virginians for over half a century. The
american" is centrally loca ted in the
business portion of the city, and within a
short distance OF all Public Buildings,
Churches, and places of amusement.
DUEFY q LEANNARDA,
nov "a, '83-1y Proprietors.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1884-07-10
The

We make room this morning for q
long report OF the proceedings Of the
National Democratic Convention. II
speaks for itself and to be understood
must be read. The observant reader
will not overlook the fact that the re-
port Is framed so as to make everything
appear at its worst for the cause OF the
Democracy, while nothing Is omitted that
may tend to brace up the Republicans.
In the report OF the convention Of the Sd
Of June, it will be remembered, the
Associated Press gushed aud cheered and
hurrahed aud yelled at the end OF every
paragraph, or thereabouts. Read the
Press report in the SENTINEL this morning
and count tho cheering ordinations.
Consider where they inevitably did occur
and then notice their absence-conspicuous
absence. This one-sided business in re-
porting is not justifable OF any ground.
II is contemplate. Democrats, however,
must recognize the inevitable and neu-
tralize the effect OF such biased reports by
believing only such portions of them as
are credible and plausible.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1884-07-10
rLUE DUST.
scraps from the Notebook OF the
SentineTs Reporter,

SentinePs Reporter.
Sheriff Sweeney will sell some valuable
mining property to-day ct the Courthouse
door.
The funeral OF George K. Mccullough
will take place at 3 o'clock this afternoon
from Odd Fellows' Hall.
Go and see Fred Richie and Dody Fan
fretts at the Truckee Music Hall. It's
wonderful how they do act.
Members of the Fire Department are
invited to take part in the funeral ceremo-
mics of George X. Mccullough this after
noon.
In Tuesdays SENTINEL we recorded the
birth of a son to the wife of J.. II. Bray,
Ruby Hill. This was a mistake. The
newcomer is Of the feminine and not of the
masculine sex. A very considerable dif-
ference.
Members OF Mountain Lodge No. II and
Eureka Lodge No. %, l. o. o. f., are re-
quested to meet promptly at their hall at 3
o'clock this afternoon, for the purpose of
attending the funeral OF their late brother,
George X. Mccullough.
The model Of the Albion mine, con-
structed for use in the pending suit by
Col. E. N. Robinson, is q very valuable
aud ingenious piece OF mechanism. 1t
will be Of great advantage to the jury in
getting the ''lay" Of chambers, wines.
drifts, uprsises, etc. 1t is not q small
apparatus, and it looms up very conspicu-
ously in the temple Of justice.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1884-07-10
JACKS LETTER.
Brief Notes from Our SPECIAL Cor.
respondent.

Brief Notes from Our SPECIAL Cor
respondent.
The SENTINEL is pleased to receive the
following letter, and hopes that ''Jack"
will not tire, but give us more Of the same
good quality. 1t is just the kind we want:
TAYLOR, White Pine Co., New, July 6.
Ed. SENTINEL: This camp is like Eu-
reka used to be in its infancy. We have
two good mines in full blast. The Monitor
is owned by two experienced miners and
one mill man. Lyons and Briggs attend
to the mine, while McGill run the mill.
They hire no clerks, no superintendents,
40 bosses, but attend to the business
themselves. From what l can hear they
are making bushels Of money. Everybody
speaks we'll OF the Monitor Company. Its
bullion shipments, to which / see reference
every now and hen made in the SENTINEL,
show what it has lone and is doing.
The Argus mine is east Of the Monitor,
and is a separate ledge or lode. Mr..
Carothers is one-half owner and Superin-
tendent Of the mill and mine. He is an
old miner and a thorough mill man. A
good fellow-one of the boys of Eye olden
times"
The mills are eight miles from the
mines, and the ore is hauled down grade
by 12.horse teams, at a cost OF 81 20 per
ton. Five teams are hauling ut present.
The town of Taylor is right at the
mines. The street there is only one)
runs north and south. In working their
groupings the Argus boys make it lively
sometimes with rocks from blasts, but the
people seem to like it.
There are five saloons in full blast, two
stores, one restaurant and one boarding
house in town. The Monitor boarding
house IL out of town, above the mine.
There is q good deal Of gambling going
on. Stud-horse poker seems to take the
lead at present, yet the "tiger" is here, and
if you want to tackle him in his lair you
havn't got to go far.
The business men here are principally
those who have come in from Ward and
Cherry Greek, with q slight sprinkling
from your own town, Eureka. Greek,
Quinn's partner, as you know. has become
one of us.
Bob Simpson has started the White Pine
Reflex here. AS you are aware, it reflected
brilliantly the local events and the opin-
ions of its editor in the first issue, which
it will continue to do in the future.
The Fourth here was pretty slim. Ward.
about 70 miles away, got all u dudes and
dudesses. They had q dance over there in
Nelson & Fosters Hall. About 80 couple
attended from Taylor and Steptoe Valley.
JACK.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1884-07-10
A RusfIar he Was.

A slim man with a blue suit and q soft
black hat, says the Chicago Herald, was
bobbing around the Palmer house lobby
talking politics and business. "Pm what
is known as q rustler in Dakota. Rustler,
%rustler, rustler all the time. Never stop
rustling. Keep 'er up That's the
way towns are built, railroads put down.
settlers obtained, votes nabbed, offices got,
honors secured. Rustic yourself. Never
stop rustling. II Jim Blaine was q rustler
he would have been President eight years
ago. Never let up. 1 rustled 9 town in
Dakota once and made an even $40, 900 out
of it, just by rustling. / got q colony Of
Polacks to Dakota once and sold them
farms for 81 an acre that cost me Sl.50.
Rustling did it. l elected myself to the
legislature and made q brother OF mine
county judge, all by rustling. Rustling
moves the world. Rustling all the time,
you fellows that are making Presidents.
Never lie down a minute. Keep 'er up
eyerlastingly. That's the way nations are
built and fortunes made"
Some hours later, as a police patrol wagon
bearing him away, was rafting over the
stones at q furious rate, he said languidly
to the officer who was sitting on him:
II like Chicago. You fel's do me proud.
Yer rustler yer are. Y never let up. s
great town, noble city. splen' metropolis,
rustling people. nev'r (hic) quiet"
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1884-07-10
The Jurars Under Gnard.

Sheriff Sweeney and J. B. Singleton are
the regular officers in charge of the Albion
Richmond jury, and the keepers sworn in
con the outside" are James Ashley and
John Hutson for the Richmond. aud NJ
B. Bartlett and John n. Williams
for the Albion. Besides. of the
seli.constiiu,ed keepers the streets
are full. The Courthouse and
vicinity. last night. we're like barracks
guarded inside and tut. The twelve jury
men are bigger right now in the estima-
ncn Of Interested parties, each n of them,
than ever Grant was or Blaine will be. Per
haps the gentlemen OF the jury are not
aware Of the care with which they are be.
ing looked after.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1884-07-10
THE CASE.


n Sketcu Oh testerdays DOfngs In
Albion VS.. Richmond.
At the meeting Of the District Court, at
10 o'clock yesterday morning, the Albion,
through its attorneys, submitted the fol-
lowing stipulations which were regarded as
satisfactory by His Honor, Judge Rives,
and ordered spread upon the minutes by
the Clerk and filed:
The plaintiff hereby consent in open.
court, that, upon the recovery by the plain
tiff OF 3 judgment in this case, an order
shall be made herein by the court, without
objection or exception on part Of plaintiff,
staying execution herein until the deter
mination Of the Supreme Court Of the
United States of the writ OF error sued out
by the Richmond Mining Company OF New
ada from the judgment Of the Supreme
Court Of Nevada in the case Of Rose and
others VS.. the Richmond Mining Company
Of Nevada, upon such terms and conditions
as to be security for the payment OF such
judgment and to prevent waste or the sale
and disposition of the real and personal
property OF the defendant, as shall seem
proper to the Court at the time OF making
such order.
WAth bu AitbAO diAlOuiby bbo iOliOWAhb
jury was impsneled A. Benson, Il. j.
Reid, James White. N. Waldfogel, William
Slattery. Joseph Mendes, Robert Hagar,
William Denny. A. Buzetti, Joel Allison.
George J. Reek and William II. Matthews.
After the opening statements had been
made OF each side of the case, counsel for
the Albion desired to offer in evidence the
judgment Of the Supreme Court OF the
state in the case OF Rose and others against
the Richmond, a. determining the validity
OF certain patents in dispute. Mr.. Wren,
counsel for the Richmond, objected and
considerable argument pro and con ensued.
His Honor finally decided to admit the
document. Mr.. Wren entering exceptions
to the ruling Of the court. W. s. Woods,
Esq, OF counsel for the Albion then pro-
ceeded to read said judgment to the jury.
After the reading, court was adjourned
until 10 O'Clock this morning.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1884-07-10
Literary Entertainment.

a Tree literary entertainment will be
gwen at the Methodist Episcopal church
Eureka next Friday evening the 18th in
slant, to commence at 7:30. Messrs. Riley
and Mannheim will read selections, Miss
Mollie CLARK will recite and sing in com
pany with Miss Mary Powell. Miss
Lulu Mccartney will sing a
SOLO; Mrs. Rosseau's class has kindly prom.
lsea 70 assist. Miss Frank of Ruby Hill
WIN read; also the Misses Ether and Tip
ple wal render duets. Refreshments will
% served after the exercises. All are cor
daily invited to attend.