davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
A WOman's Way.
lChicago Inter-Ocean. ]

Chicago lnter-OceanJ
LET me have five twO-cent stamps,
please" said the lady to the retail stamp
clerk in the postoffice yesterday.
"Yessum," he said, handing them out.
Cant you let me have them in one
piece 2" she asked.
Certainly, maam," said the cleIk. Can
send them home for yOu?"
'Oh, no; don't live far-only on the
North Side-and / anna going right home.
/ wouldn't want to put you to the trouble"
'No trouble at all" said the clerk. Il
haven't much to do to-day, and could very
easily spare an hour"
Very much obliged" said the lady,
smiling sweetly. Dear me" said she, put
ting on stamp, what a hOrrid bother it
is to stamp letters! Why can't we send
letters and let the postoffice send in their
bill once month";
"They might just as WELL" said the
clerk, sympathizingly. III mention the
fact in my next message to Congress"
Twill you? How nice! But you mustn't
mention my name. Say that the idea was
suggested by North Side society lady,
won't you? ?"
Certainly, ma'am," said the clerk.
That's the second letter this week
have sent to Gerty," said the lady, but ton
ing her gossamer. "Gerty is the sweetest
girl-going to Vassar now
How does Gerty like Vassar?" asked
the clerk.
"Oh, Gerty likes Vassar first rate; ;
only she says that she don't see much
company"
Paper! All about the election " yelled
a newsboy.
Dear ne" exclaimed the lady, did
they have an election yesterday? Who is
President now"
Arthur, believe" said the clerk.
"Why, / thought Arthur was President
last year."
''Yes, but he is still President"
"What was the election for them"
"FOr gaugers Of marmalade and inspec-
tors of hot biscuits" said the clerk.
"Oh, well, l hope they'll get good, good
men. / attended the WOmen's Congress
awhile ago, and you know it was decided
that the ladies ought to take more interest
in public affairs. Well, goodbye" and
she sailed away.
"WhO is that woman 2" asked the next
man in line, who was shaking and shiver-
ing with rage.
But me if know" said the clerk.
And the outflow of stamps proceeded.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
Helena, Montana, Thursday, February Il, 1884.

hastened to change it to the treat of a
February picnic They then chatted on
other topics, and finally went up to bed.
After they had left the room tall, dark
figure raised itself from sofa in the far
ther corner, and an emphatic voice said:
"If ever there was a fool, Ralph Morton,
you are one"
Yes, Will and Ralph had arrived during
the girls absence, and after Ralph was
shown his room, Will paid visit to his
stables. Ralph had dressed and come
down stairs, and, lying down on the sofa
had fallen asleep He couldn't discover
himself without alarming the girls, and so
became an eaves-drOpper.
Fastening to his room he pulled out
portfolio from his valise.
Away back in the under pocket lay the
valentine of a year ago. He had over
looked it when he took the others to the
Office.
Next morning Stella sat at window ad-
miring the light snow on the green holly
bushes, which was fast disappearing be-
fore the suns rays, when knock inter
rupted her meditatiOns.
A maid brought in letter. Stella
recognized the writing and tore it open I'M
patiently. There was her last years val
entine, and a note explaining its loss and
discovery, and few words more sufficed
to renew his VOWS.
They met at breakfast, and the girls
noticed Stella wore a new ornament on
which Ralph gazed with Frightening eyes
Ralph took Stella to the picnic in Bellies
little pheton, and the birds and brooks
made musical accompaniment to the ten
ter words of her lover, while her heart sang
gaily:
"The birds choose their mates
And choose mine. P"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
A Dog at the Telephone.
fSydney (Australia) Eye.

ISydney (Australia) Eye
The telephone has enabled physician,
several miles away. to detect whether a
child had the Group. The child's mouth
was held near to the mOuth-piece of the
instrument, and the physician heard its
cough. But more singular than this is the
following case of dog recognizing his
masters voice through the telephone:
Jack is coach dog that found his mas
ter by telephone In some way Jack got
lost, and fortunately was found by one of
his masters friends, who went to his Office
and asked by telephone if the man had lost
his dog.
Yes; where is he? ?" was the reply.
HE is here, Suppose you call him
through the telephone. The dogs ear was
placed over the ear-piece, and his master
said:
Jack! Jack how are you Jack?"
Jack instantly recognized the voice, and
began to yell. He licked the telephone
fondly, seeming to think that his master
was inside the machine.
At the other end of the line the gentle
man recognized the familiar bark, and
shortly afterward he reached his friends
Office to claim his property.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
SCIENTIST DEMONSTRATES.
He Shows a Grocer How Theories
May be Put in Practice.
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press.
He sat by the stove in Michigan avenue
grocery store for full twenty minutes be-
fore speaking He spread out his legs to
encirce us much of the fire as pos
sible, drew his sleeve across his nose at
regular intervals, and there was strong
smell of burning boot leather as he finally
looked up at the grocer and asked.
Can you tell me why combustion causes
draught?"
"No, sir" was the prompt reply.
"It's positively wonderful how ignorant
the masses are on scientific Subjects" con-
tinued the man as he helped himself to an
an apple Can you tell me why this isin-
glass in your stove is not consumed by the
heat?"
81 guess it's because you keep all the
heat off" was the sneering reply.
"You are liar, sir and you say that to
excuse your ignorance. Now, then, what
pressure does water exert on the human
body at depth of sixty feet?"
"I'll exert a pressure on your body If
you call me liar again" exclaimed the
grocer.
81 want to ask if you understand the
principle by which birds f1y?"
"You get out of this l have no time TO
fool away with such nonsense"
Nonsense piped the old chap; why,
l don't believe you know the amount
of oxygen you consume at each resplra-
tion?"
The grocer laid hold of the man to draw
him to the door, but he caught Tartar,
and was Topped on his back.
II exerted force of about One-eighth
horsepower to accomplish that" said the
old man as he knelt on the prOstrate
BODY. "a dead blow of twenty pounds
from nv fist would fiatten your nose,
while two pounds additional would crack
your skull"
Git Offn me or III slay you"
81 seize your hair with a clutch equal
to the grasp of hand lifting fourteen
pounds of iron and bump your head on
the floor with a force equal to nine
pounds"
"Let 90 my hair" yelled the grocer, as
he kicked and struggled.
you are now exercising force equal to
eight pounds to the square inch,, said the
old man, as he bumped him again, but it
is useless. | shall now exercise force
equal to the clutch of forty eight grasshop-
pers to shut off your wind, and l Will
then administer kick equal to the force
necessary to upset cord of four-toot
wood"
When the grocer got up the man was
across the street.
Police police " shouted the victim.
g,"You exhausted six gallons of oxygen IN
the first yell and five in the second" yelled
the scientist, but it was simply wasted.
81 will now make off at One-quarter the
speed exercised by An antelope in outrun-
ming a lion. Good-by, sordid fesh-pot,
gOOd-byw
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
MY BONNIE WEE WIFE.
BY :. /. HAP

BY s. l. HAP.
You speak of the grace
And beauty of face
OF Persian, Circassian and Greek
OF the rose-tinted glow
And the whitenesS of snow
That adorns each air velvet cheek
But my thoughts ever stray
In far different way
From these maidens of gay Eastern life
And look with delight
On the brown eyes so bright
OF nv sweet, my bonnie wee wife.
When death hover'd near
And posed his dread spear,
And the heart felt sore from repining-
And the clouds up on high,
As they rolled slowly by,
Seemed bereft of their bright silver Inning
Her fond cheering smile
Would try to beguile
The mind from its visions of strife
And hope that lay dead
With life would be fed,
BY my sweet, my bonnie wee wife.
Then drink to the toast
OF our gay gallant host
In a beaker of wine ruby red
To the maiden so fair
Who proudly will share
lie life with the man she will we'd
May she cling to the vine
.. That fast shall entwnie
The cords of her dear heart for life
And pass down lifes stream
In one blissful dream,
Like me with my bonnie wee wife.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
THE FIRE OF HOME.

! hear them tell of far off climes
And treasures grand they hold
OF Minister walls where stained light falls
On canvas, rare and old.
My hands fall down, my breath comes last,
But ah how can ] roam?
My task know, to spin and sew,
And light the fire of home.
Sometimes hear of noble deeds
OF words that move mankind;
OF willing hands that to other lands
Bring Light to the poor and blind.
dare not preach, / cannot write,
fear TO cross the foam;
Who, If 60 will spin and sew
And light the fire of home? 4?
My husband comes as the shadows fall,
From the fields with my girl and boy;
His loving kiss brings with 1t bliss
That has no base alloy.
From the new-plowed meadows fresh ana
brown,
catch the scent of the loam
Heart, do not fret, tits something yet
To light the fire of home"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
ON THE BRIDGE.

II was Young Robin and ms loNe
Stood on a bridge at eVeh-soS IL 1hova
N;abt,s countless lamps were III apoNe'
Paloxv the streamlet slid along
Across the rail she lightly leaIl,
And eazed into the quiet strean,
Wherein she saw Win uee rr,
rrSe hurled stars reflected gieam
%. ,'a,.er stars shone half as bright
a. Eis;e's ewes that summer nlght'
Around her taper waist an arm
Her gallant Robin's-gently ,ay
r, nI. ,Iaee and hour there lurked charm
IL Tpat la owned no kinship to the day.
Familiar sounds upon the gaze
Were softly waited to the ear,
And from the darkness OF the VaIe
The love- lorn mavis huttereu cle"''
But sweeter than the song ne sung
The words that trembled on her TONGUE
Tho sbadows deepen In the dell;
Weird hats athwart the water play;
And ON the fitful breezes swell
The village church-bells far away
rh,onoh ali the windings OF the glade,,
The Stately trees, like phantoms slaho
Whilst love was leading man ana Halu
Far onwards into fairyland;
And neither had on earth part,
Save only in the others hcar'
Ano, from wonder wooded ridge,
The cold moon climbs the Dloe eApaiise'
She pJorifies the rustic bridge,
Her beams upon the brooklet dance;
she softly winds about the twain
The radiance of her liquid light.
Az though. for lovers, she would faln
Create fairer day from night.
Her silver signet-nothing 10th
She sets upon their plighted troth!
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
How 1t Struck the Conductor.
Wall Street New

Wall Street News.
A railroad man in Philadelphia, who
went over to Philadelphia to hear revi-
valist, sat for two hours and heard the
good man advise and caution and entreat
When the meeting was over, the railrOader
approached him, and shook hands, and
said:
81 was very much pleased with your
remarks"
"Yes? Glad to hear it."
"Your statement that Vice was rail-
road running direct to Hades, and that
intemperance, gambling, speculation and
divorce were regular trains to carry pas
sengers, struck me very fOrcibly."
"Yes? I presume the simile is gener-
ally understood"
But there was one thing that greatly
troubled me-" continued the railroader, as
he involuntarily felt in his side pocket for
a folder.
What was that?"
why, you didn't drop the slightest hints
about the connections, and the distance is
altogether too long for through trains"
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
The Word Gentleman.

To say that a man was born gentleman
means not at all that he is courteous, re-
fined and intelligent, but only that he was
born of family whose circumstances at
some time has been easy and agreeable
and which belonged to traditionally
good society" But sucn a man may be
false and mean and ignorant and coarse. Is
he gentlemen because he was born such ?
On the other hand the child of long gener-
ations of ignorant and labOriOus Doors may
be humane, honorable and modest, but
with total ignorance of the usages of good
society. He may be as upright as Wash
ingion as unselfsh as Sidney, as brave as
Bayard, as modest as Falkland, but he
may outrage all the little social proprieties.
Is he gentleman because he is honest
and modest and humane? In describing
Lovelace should we not say that he was a
gentleman? Should we naturally say so
of Burns? But, again, is it not a joke to
describe George ~ as a gentleman, while
it would be impossible to deny the name
to Major DObbin?
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
Fashions in Rubies.
Philadelphia Press ]


At the head of these stands the ruby,
which Just now is, if perfect, still more
valuable than the diamond. 1t is diff
cult matter to find large stones which
match each other perfectly in color and
size, and pair of large rubies-twin
stOnes-set in diamonds as earrings are
valued at $4,000, while the same thing in
sapphires, which rank third in the list of
precious stones, may be had for 81 600.
The Siberian, or star ruby, is an exquisite
gem, deep rose color in tint, which, like all
other cOlOred stones, is seen at its best
when surrounded by diamonds. For the
diamond alone lends light to every other
gem without losing either in brilliancy or
clearness of tint Occasionally, however,
an unusually fine stone may reflect the
light so vividly that the diamond setting
catches its glow. Thus, in magnificent
Marquise ring the rubies in the centre are
so intense in color that the pure white dia-
monds which encircle them are tinged
with pink rays, like the shadows cast by
claret in the sunlight.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
A Story by Senator Frye.
lLewistown Journal.

Il see," said Senator Frye, "that Wash
ingtOn paper, in very complimentary
notice, sets me down as poor man, not
worth over $4,000. That's too much, '"
said Mr. Frye But the fellow who wrote
that does not know the reason | am so
poor 1t came about in this wise. l was
brought up in Quaker family, and when,
in my boyhood, got chance to 60 up to
Boston my Quaker grandfather gave me
So to spend. | did not know any boys in
Boston and l could think Of no way to
have So worth of fun without boys. When
I got home my grandfather asked me how
1 spent the SIS, and l, with the air of one
who had done virtuous action, said, L did
not spend it at all, grandfather l saved it
and have it in my pocket Whereupon
my grandfather said: You may give me
back the money, William Igave you that
money to spend at Boston Ever since
that" said the Senator Il have known
better than to save money" =.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
MOVING A NATION.
A Cause Which Must Produce Great
Effects.
Hartford Times. |


The article from the New York Mail and
Express ON the immigration for 1883, con-
tains some interesting statistics and some
interesting thoughts. What will arrest at
tention is the marked preponderance of the
German element in last years influx. Out
of total of 800, ,4OO-which is falling off
of $1,000 from 1S92-there were 1928
from Germany proper, or as many as all
added together that came from Ireland,
England, Italy, Sweden, Norway and Hun
gary and the Nail and Express calculates
that the immigrants who were of TeutOnic
blood numbered 235, 1000. In any view Of
our country and its people, it is impossible
as our New York contemporary well
suggests-to disregard the probable inf1u-
ence and importance of this large element
of the population. The Germans are, as
whole, decidedly quiet, industrious, SEN
sible and good people, very desirable in
country like ours That such large and
active element is already having positive
influence in iberalizing what might other
wise be the too narrow and rigid ordinan-
ces and beliefs in religious and social mat
ters, cannot be questioned by any intelli-
gent and candid observer.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
Recess.

The time-hOnored recess has been aban-
doned in the Rochester city schools, not
perhaps definitely as yet, but the expert
ment of ''nO recess" according TO some
authorities. has proved such success as to
to make its continuance highly desirable.
Among the advantages said to be derived
from it are continuous school session with
out interruption in school work, better
health of pupils on account Of freedom
from exposure to cold and wet weather in
the midst of each session, discipline easier
on account of freedom from recess trouble
less tardiness and absenteeism etc.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
Life in a Caravan.

James Bishop died recently near Lon
don, aged eighty-three, from a fall from
his caravan, in which he had lived without
interruption for the last thirty-tive years.
During this time his wife gave birth in the
caravan to eighteen sons and two daugb-
ters, all of whom were reared there. One
Of the latter became the mother of Silina
Young, the female Blondin, who crossed
the Thames on tight rope. The other
married a Snowman, and was mother to
twenty-four children, all of whom were
born and reared in a caravan. Bishop
brought up his eighteen sons to trades or
the musical profession
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
His First Call on New Years Morning.

On New Years day morning as old Gov.
MattOcks, of Vermont, was bathing and
preparing for breakfast he unfortunately
leaned against the door at the head of the
stairs leading to the kitchen. The door
gave way, and the maids of the household,
while bnsy preparing the morning meal,
were astonished to see, rolling and tumb-
ling into their presence, chubby, fat old
gentleman in most unpresentable attire.
But his wits were with him. Ladies'" he
exclaimed politely, Il wish you all hap
py New Year" and then bounded up
stairs again, four steps at time.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
The English Throne.

The throne of England, SO splendid
when covered with silk velvet and gold, is
in fact only an ''old oak chair" over 600
years in use for the same purpose. Its
existence has been traced back to the days
of Edward 1. The wood is very hard and
solid; the back and sides were formerly
painted in various colors, and the seat is
made of rough-looking sandstone 26 inches
in length, II inches in breadth and 193 in
thickness, and in this stone lies the grand
peculiarity of the chair. Numberless
legends are told in connection with it, the
truth probably being that it was originally
taken from Ireland to Scotland and served
at the coronation of the early Scottish
kings.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
Sheridan's Off.Hand Greek.
London Family Herald.

London famlly defalO.I
Lord Belgrave having clinched speech
in the House of Commons with long
Greek quotation, Sheridan, in reply, ad-
mitted the force Of the quotation, so far as
it went. But" said he, chad the noble
Lord proceeded little further and COM
pleted the passage he would have seen
that the quotation applied the other way"
Sheridan then spOuted something ore ro-
tundo, which had all the ais, ois, kous and
koes that gave the world assurance ofa
Greek quotation; upon which Lord Bel
grave very promptly and handsomely COM
plimented the honorable member on his
readiness of recollection, and frankly ad
mitted that the continuation of the passage
had the tendency ascribed to it by Mr..
Sheridan, and that he had overlooked it at
the moment when he gave the quotation.
On the breaking up of the House, Fox,
who piqued himself on having some Greek,
went up to Sheridan and asked him:
sheridan, how came You to be so ready
with that passage? 1t certainly is as you
say. but / was not aware of it before you
quoted it." 1t is almost unnecessary to
observe that there was no Greek at all in
Sheridan's imprOmptu.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
The Danger Of Painting China.
Detroit Free Press.

Every time l look at this China" said
one of the physicians who visited the
Homeopathic Hospital fair, II think of
how the girls have suffered. Lavender oil
and turpentine are used in working on
China. Everybody knows what turpen-
tine is, and the odOr of lavender oil is
combination of all that is vile. The fumes
of these liquids in close room amount to
poison that few girls can withstand.
know of dozen young ladies who have
almost become physical wrecks through
the China craze; have lost their beauty
and animation, and / will be glad when
the daubs of paint on tea cup will no
longer be thought charming.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14

l would, truly; but l have a wife and
thirteen small children on board with nue.,
and if my wife should see me kissing you
kissing me! you hateful old thing!
Who asked you to kiss me-"
You did," l yelled; you asked me
twice"
You old fool, asked you if you were
going to Kissme-Kissme City tonight
don't you know anything 2" and off she
went, and if ever anybody felt meaner
than did | would like to exchange pho
tographs with him.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
A Disinfecting Lamp.

Z disinfecting lamp can be easily pre-
pared for purifying any place where dis
agreeable odor is perceived, being especially
useful in sick rooms and in damp cellars
where vegetables have decayed. Take any
glass lamp for burning kerosene or Oil, fill
it with chloric ether, and light The old
fashioned camphene or burning fluid"
lamps, with small round wick, will burn
longer and be of more service than the fiat
wicked lamps While the ether burns
disinfectant escapes that will soon purify
the most offensive atmosphere even that
of sewer
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
HOW THE BITTER WASN'T BIT.

Ned and Jimmy, little shavers,
Brothers dear-and mine
Always hungry any hour
Suited them to dine.
Once when mother had some apples,
Ned was given two:
Take one down the yard to Jimmy,
Tother ones for you"
Thus spake kind and thoughtful mother
Ned walked slowly out
From his birth, keen, cute and cautious,
Never long in doubt.
In each hand he turned the pippins,
Sized them, squinted sly:
Both alike; Jim loves an apple,
But no more than |"
Quick he bit piece from Jimmy's,
And then a bite from his;
II was worth four silver dollars
To see Ned's calm phiz.
Here's an apple, Jim, from motherr'
why, it's bitten, Ned"
80 is mine. Look, here's the other!''
That bright youngster said.
Jimmy, puzzled, took the apple,
Ate il to its core.
Ned serenely, put his luncheon
With those gone before.
Years have sped since gentle Jimmy
Joined the cherubim;
Ned still lives and of earth's rations
Gets what's due TO him.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1884-02-14
A Social Duty Neglected.

Texas Siftings.
Two ladies belonging to the upper ten
division of Austin society met one day.
Said one "Have you heard that Mrs. X.
died last night?' "No, bless, me! Is that
so? That's too bad. Why, she DIVIDED me
a visit ~ exclaimed the other.