Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-27
PASSING SMILES.

The hen with the single chick makes
most cackling, and the fewer ideas
man has the more noise he makes.
"A New postofiice in the South is
called Langtry. 1t is hoped that it will
not be true to its name, and cause the
mails to go astray. .,
-Farmers' clubs are suggested as
very good things for protection against
patent gate and lightning-rod swindlers.
They should be about five feet long and
made of stout hickory.
-"Did you dust the furniture this
morning, Mary?" asked the mistress.
3, No, ma am" replied Mary; "it didn't
need it; it had all the dust on it that it
could easily hold"
There is complaint in New York
that policemen frequent saloons too con-
stantly. The remedy is very simple.
Fire of a pistol and yell murderl
There won't be policeman within eight
blocks Of the place for days.
Did you ever notice the warning,
"Paint," posted on a door, that you
didn't test the matter with your finger
to see if it wasn't dry enough to take
down the sign? You probably never
did. 1t would be contrary to human
nature.
The Philadelphia Nsacs reports that
q Philadelphia saloon keeper is so con-
science-stricken over the number OF lies
told by his customers when they go home
that, in order to enable them to tell the
truth, he has named his place "The
Lodge"
The man hasnot yet been discovered
who can take off his pantaloons at night
without tumbling everything out Of his
pockets. Yet woman will so through
those same pantaloOns in the morning SO
noiselessly that even the mice know
nothing about it.
-"T don't want no rubbish, no fine
sentiments, if you please, said the wild
ow when she was asked what kind OF an
epitaph she desired for her late hus-
bands tombstone. "Let.it be short and
simple-something like this: William
johnson, aged rs years. The good die
young. '' 5..il.
-"My son graduated with hohors,"
proudly said an Arkansaw gentleman.
'.He took the gold medal and the pro-
fes sors all declared that he would make
his mark "What is he doing now 2
asked An acquaintance. "Ees in the
penitentiary at present, bat, sir, he grad
mated with lOnOrs"
-"Have you ever tried the faith
cure?" asked a long.haired, sallow faced
stranger. addressing q gentleman who
sat behind him in q railroad car. 81
have. ." was the answer. 'DO you believe
in it?' 81 do MAY | ask then Of
vi,! you wss curedY Certainly. l
was T-I cured - my faith"
sNrr con so;5 -. rkansaw colonel
TO the reformed school. 'in ii,s Always
make it q point not to fight" Sup
pose a man calls me a id liar, what
must do?' Find out whether he has
told the truth or not. II he has, acknowl-
edge the accusation, and if he has not,
move to another leighbolhood."
"A vigilant sentinel is posted at the
door of a picture gallery with strict or
ders Of the customary character. a
sight-seer happens along and is promptly
halted. "Here, sir, you must leave
your cane at the door. But my
friend, haven't got any cane. " Then
90 back and get one. No one is allowed
to pass in here unless he leaves his cane
at the door. Orders is orders. "
"A new rival brass band was hired to
play at the funeral Of Connecticut dea-
con. They were playing a slow and sol
emn dirge at the grave, when sud 'enly
the trombone man shot cut bast that
startled the hearse hOr,es and broke up
the entire procession. The leader turn
ing upon him asked him what he was do
ing that for. He answered with smile:
! "Gosh. | thought it was note, and it
was a hossfy; but Iplayed it."
Judge" said a prisoner, Il am
surprised that you sentence me to the
penitentiary for the term of two years.
/ thought you were a good friend of
mine. 81 am a friend of YOURS" the
iudge replied. 81 have considered all
the ronts of friendship, and also the
fact that owe you two dollars. Now.
,ir. if | we're not friend Of yours and if
did not owe you the two dollars, 1
! would send you up for four years"
An old German in the furniture
trad was accosted the other day by
New Yorker with: well, SIr. Schmidt,
they say you have made an assignment y
''Yaw, Dct ish so" you assigned to
our brother, didn't yon?' "Yaw, he
FASH nv lruller." Didn't anybody
raise objections 70 this family arrange
nent?' "Va H. I doan' know. Nne1
nv Dru ld,r falls be as.igus TO me- und
hen l fails s,isns to him. DtDa~es
iir play, ell? d"1i' 60 llueh on some
IL - l. lrfsA lnril