News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10


"Why did you buy new hat? asked
a husband of his wife.
"Because I hat to, that's why"
"WiIl you attend both banquets this
evening ?'' said the cashier to the paying
teller.
eyes, if the bank quits in time"
elbow many boys in your family?"
''Six, and boisterous time we have
of it, too.
"Well, we've only got one, and it's
boy stir us enough without multiplying
by half a dozen.
"Pa, want an overcoat."
Chow much ?"
"Twelve dollars"
"That's low enough; don't overgo:t. "
"What small man Modieska's hus-
band is" remarked lady at the dinner
table.
"Oh, yes; she looks quite MODESTO
by the side of him." was the reply.
"Aw," put in an old bachelor, eve
don't want any Modjesting on such
subject. ''-Merchant Traveller.
HER STORY.
A little girl, travelling abroad, took up
French humorous paper, and having
seen a gentleman of the party, who
understood the French language, laugh
when his eye reached a certain place in
a column, she, too, threw back her head
and laughed appreciatively.
"Pot," said her brother, tauntingly,
"you don't know French enough to
understand that paper. What are you
laughing at ?"
s'Well, I guess 1 know a joke when 1
see il. "retorted his small sister, prompt
ly, greatly to the amusement of those
who were listening.
GAVE IT UP.
Some weeks since the Committee on
the Science of Political Economy of the
Lime Kun Club were instructed to care
fully investigate the query: 'Why will
a man pay out 81 900 to be elected to a
| S3. COO Office % The matte was taken
in hard and every effort made to arrive
at a satisfactory solution, but the com
mittee now came forward with the
acknowledgment that it was too much
for them, and they asked to be dis
charged from the further consideration
of the subject.
"Dar' am sartin' things which kin
nebber be found out, an dis am one OF
,em said the President. "De COM
mittee am discharged, an de meeting
will now close in due form. Remember
as YOU go out dat am de only pusson
who brnng his umbreller along to keep
off de wet.
IN TROUBLE.
The proprietor of museum at Cleve-
land skipped out, and the curios1tles
gathered at the box Office and made
fuss about their pay. The bearded lady,
who looked so much like man, crleo
like a baby, the giant stepped on the
corns of the dwarf and when the dwarf
began to peel off his coat to fight the
giant, the big man turned pale and said
he didn't want any fuss, as he hao
promised his parents not to fight. Ihe
! living skeleton took up more room thar
d anvhody. and offered to whip the
} manager. while the fat woman tainted
at a white mouse carried by the clrcas
sian girl. Finally the dwarf and the
living skeleton, being the curiositie'
with the most pluck, were appointed
committee to hunt up the missing
/ manager and maui him. Verify, people
are not what they seem. Often th'
piant is a pigmy in pluck, while tn
dwarf is a thumper with sand to bacl
him.-Peck's San.
SOME OTHER TINE.
An Austin attorney, who had man.
times sent away an impecunious ellen
with equivocal answers regarding HI
case. was one day disturbed under
) press of business by the aforesaid Glen
walking into his Office.
"You here again." said the lawyer
impatiently.
eS, answered. bIl6 AO
told me to come back another time.
: "WeI, then," replied the attorney
ST didn't mean this time, meant SON
/ other time. &C Christian at Work.
THESE QUESTIONS.
The editor of paper has more que
tions asked him, and gives more answer
4 than any man living, though some OF ii
e answers may not be right. For instanc
:, a correspondent of an Eastern pap
Il says 81 have horse that has late
suffered from periodical dizzines
!, Please answer through your valuab
II paper and let me know what L should
e with him. I'm afraid he will get wor
Il if something is not done soon. IL
q editor puts on his glasses, consults Il
1t authorities on blind staggers IN horse
IS and answers as follows: "Our adv1c
based on a perusal of the valuable boo
= Every man his own horse docto
would be to take him home and sell III
- to stranger. The average horse own
y would not need the advice, as he won
: sell the horse too quick, and WRIT"
h him perfectly sound.
AN INVALID.
~ "Your daughter has touch OF IN
= laria said a physician to New 1oi
lady, 81 will call again in the NOR
to ing" 5oro
ter's room with look of great ankle
is on her face, and said: =,
ut "My dear, the doctor says you ma
Of r,o1or;o What is it? Is it dangerous
re "Not very, mamma, and oh, III
le aristocraticl will wear my blue 81
Id wrapper, and we must get some cut gla
or hotties for the medicines, and II any
the snufies girls call have them broug