St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1884-11-23
MRS. sPooPESDrK

Tho Dear Lady Attempting tt- HisfrOnic.
my DEAR said Mrs. SpOopendyke. con-
tempizting herself in the glass as she re-
moved her hat and gloves my dear, wasn'i
the theatre just too sweet for anything, Do
yoa know, think would like TO go on the
stage.
Like to drive, perhaps" suggested Mr..
spoopendyke.
II mean act, +" replied bis wife. 81 think
] could do 1t as well as any of those women
tonight Do you know much about theatres
Is it hardl''
''No," grunted Mr.. spoopendyke. Juggling
at his boots. 1T would be very easy for
you. All you have to do is stand around
and talk, aud you won't want any rehearsals
for that"
'ButI would have to practice twisting
aroundso as 70 fall into that mlnis arms ike
she did, mused Mrs. spOoPeniyke II
don't think could do it as gracefully as she
did without trying several times"
That's the part you want % play. is itlii
I growled Mr.. SpOopendyke. with a shade OF
7 green In his eve. You let me see You fall
7 on any mans shoulders ike tn1t AMI You'll
J find no trouble in getting twisted around a
few times. What's idea IN going On the
! stagel Have you got a stomach full Of de-
vOtion TO art like the rest OF the women OF
this generaiiOni Got sort OF notion that
/ you can 60 on the boards and show the old
/ stagers hOw it's done. haven't yer Feel the
/ fires of hisironic genius climbing up yGur
/ spine don't ycl Well, you don'tl It's
| nothing but your mrasly vanity"
Don't you think would know how TO
-
/ forehead, assuming a stern expression Of
visage, and stretching her arms down rigidiv
at her sides. This is the way would foil
the villain"
SIS that what you call itl'' INQUIRED NJ.
/ SpOoperdyke, nursing his knee ana glover
ing upon her. ut looks more as II you were
bidding against another WON al for a ; conf
hand hair clOth sofa al an auction. II that
sort OF thing is calculated 10 foil the villain
he must b. PRETTY light in the waist"
IL don't know, ''smiled Mrs. SpOopendyke
rubbing her chin. ''In all the plsys / have
ever seen they always drive the bad man of
with a naughty look. Say, dear isn't this
the way b welcome husband after a long
abseucei'' aud she parted her lips, razed
eagerly into space and extended her arms.
THAT'S the way 10 hail street CARP
/ Crunted Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''If YOU want
TO make the welcome To tue husband perfect
/ ly atural, you ought 20 have a smell Of on
ions in the hall and your back hair in your
mouth. That's the kind OF a welcome al
ways get"
.'NO. you don't either,'' protested Mrs.
/ spoopcndyke. IL always run right up TO you
/ and kiss yOulr
''Well, there's a smell Of onions about Il
some WHERE" persisted Mr.. SpOOpendyke
]
audironsFi he demanded. ''You look as II
/ you were trying Ia keep OF a dog"
Anyhow. that's the way they DO it, ar
gued Mrs. Spoopen iyke, tribe abashed,
''Then. when they get the letters telling
them that their uncle has specialized away
ali their property, they DO like this" aud
Mrs. SpoOpendyke threw her hand TO hei
forehead, staggered back, aud caught hold OF
a chair.
(which does like that, the uncle of the
propertyi" asked Mr.. SpOopendyke, cycling
the performance with high disfavor. s'I
looks something like the property at the tail
end OF the speculation, but IL resembles more
accurately the uncle buying lower berth for
Canada
Il meant II for the orphan who had been
despoiled,'' murmured Mrs. SpOOpendyke,
Strengthening up and looking rather down
cast. at was intended for an attitude OF
despair How wonld you do it, this wayf
and she sank into the chair, covered her face
with her hands and sobbed violently.
IF wanted 10 give the impression OF q
tight boot aod corn, / should do IL Just thai
way" growled Mr. Spoopendyke.
''Should throw my arms forward listiess-
" and let my head fall soli' she inquired.
suiting the gesture to the question.
That's more like il, - sssented Mr.. Spoop-
endyke with a grin. "People who hadn't
seen the play before might think you were
counting the pieces for the washwomau, but
the orchestra would understand it,"
Il cont care" demonstrated Mrs. Spoop-
endyke; II know could act II could get
chance. Now see me when scOrn nv lover
when / find out that he loves me not aud has
been paying his addresses to the heiress, y
and she threw her head back, stretched Ou
one arm, and covered her face with a pale
cast of lolthing.
''That might do" said Mr.. spoopendykC
slowly. at looks to me ike an attempt t.
borrow $3.50. Stick out the other hand aud
make il five. / don't know though" M
continued, "bOth arms would look liz,
bring me my ehe-ildr guess you had bette
stick 10 the original amount. You'd b,
more apt TO collect"
''Perhaps you think I'd do better in com
edy," faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke, her spirits
dashed by adverse criticism. Snow, we viii
suppose that am the cook who boiled tn,
watermelon. and you, as the master of tn,
house, are enraged with me. How will thii
do for the cooks attitude Of bewildermen
and penitencer' She struck comical atti-
tude and gaZed at him aghast
"Don'tl don'tl" exclaimed Mr. Spoopcn
dyke, burying bis hands in his face and pre-
tending 10 be overcome with emotion II
is beautiful, bat 1t reminds me so much oil
mothers DEATH Please let upl / can't
bear st." and Mr.. Spoopendyke sobbed
aloud.
81 didn't intend il that way, dear" sighet
Mrs. Spoopendyke, embracing him tenderly.
Forgive me, but thought was acting
funny"
That's all right suorted Mr.. spoopeu
dyke, recovering himself with jerk. ''YoU
talk about actingl Look here now; I'll Jus
give you one passage, and let that be the END
Of this whole business"
Mr. Spoopendyke arose, thrust one hand
into the breast OF his coat, set his teeth tight
and growled. Then be rolled his ewes around
and roared. '.Aharp Advancing one foo
with the stamp OF an elephant. be swung hi,
arm around and, crashi The mantel orna
ments lay in confused heap on the floor.
''0h, dearl'' murmured Mrs. SpOopen.
dyke, trembling from head to foot.
SCOT enoughl" demanded Mr. Spoopen
dyke, surveying the wreck with distended
eyes. ''Want the rest OF the scene, or vii
you have the play Withdrawn on account q
sickness in the familyl Want to act some
more, don't yel' be bOwled, his gorge rising
SCOT some kind of a notion fastened q
your head with hair pins that the whole dra
matte business depends on you,snd that you