The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1884-10-18
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A man without any home is now
being exhibited through New Jersey
He is probably a retired poet or base
ball umpire.-N Y. Sun. 3
81 never loved but one person.
sighed Biggs. "And as q man can moi
marry himself remarked Fogg, 20,
course it came to nothing" Poor
fellow!-Boston Transcript
-"Verynice. the lawyer, is dude, Y.
said Henderson to McNubb. "Right
you are. Do you know his clerk, High
collarp" 'No; what of himp' "Why.
he is subdued. - Washington Hatchet.
Franklin. who made morality
of every sentiment, in one of his
essays says: disorder breakfasts with
plenty, dimes with poverty, sups with
misery and sleeps with death"
The Detroit Free Press chronicles
the fact that out of fifty odd medical
papers started since 1888, seventeen
have died. The same cause has pro.
duced like results among the mortals,
viz.-poor circulation. = Boston Courier.
A couple of vassar girls were found
by aprofessor fencing with broomsticks
in a gymnasium. He reminded them
that such an accomplishment would moi
aid them in securing husbands. ut
will help us in keeping them in"
piled one of the girls. ~ Exchange.
Might be worse
The fun is this: You sit in bliss
And all the cares of life dismiss.
YOu feel so nice: when. in trice,
Your heart grows cOd-as cold as ice.
Old dad approaches with his boot.
But do not fret there is worse yet
You might propose and she accept.
-NeU York Journal &
-"Now, SIR" observed the Judge in
the divorce suit, "what have YOU to say
for yourself? Your wife said she
caught you kissing her maid.' II am
very absent-minded. replied the man;
81 thought she was my wife, "And
the maid. What did she think?n II
suppose she thought so, too. ''-Bu6alo
Commercial. J.
The sherifs in Arkansas have .
very sad time of it, During the last
six months no less than nine legally
convicted murderers were taken from
the hands of the sheriffs and hung by
public-spirited mobs. As the sheriffs
get thirty dollars for each and every
execution, they are naturally indignant
at the competition of the mobs. Texas
Siftings.
Plantation Philosophy: 1t amt de
man whut- reads de mos dat thinks de
mos. 1t amt de pusson whut eats de
mos dat's de stronges'. De pussop
whut neber hated nobody amt apt
ter lub nobody. Warm water ain 4
good ter scald wild nor ter quench
thirst. Widout dom anything ter de.
serb it. de owl hab gained de name-o'
bein' wise. Dis is jest becase he's got
er big head an er mouf dat ain'tailus
open. 1t amt sense. dough. dat keeps
de owls mouf shet, fur when be do
open it he kahn say nothin'. De tongue
dat is KEEP still on account o. sense
says somethin' smart when it do speak. q
--ArEdnsaU Irureter. e
An erroneous phrenologist once
told me that l would shine as a rc 4
vivalist, and said that ought to marry
tall blonde, with nervous sancuines
temperament. Then he said: Coma
dollar. please" and said IAN r;oht
gentle scientist, with tawny mane. Il
will give you the dollar and marry The
tall blonde with the bank account and
bilious temperament when you give me-
q chart showing me how-to dispose Of {
brown-eyed brunette with thouQhtful
cast of countenAnce. who married me
in an unguarded moment two wears
ago" He looked at me in i reproach-
full kind Of way. struck me with ! chair
in. an absentrminded manner and stole
away. Nve.