Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-09-25


New Orleans, plunged IN after 1t,
and, as he could not SWIM yard, was
drowned.
Marcus Aurelius, never tell your
girl it is too cool for ice cream. A lie
has short legs aud she may catch you
with the perspiration oozing out from
under your hat before you have safely
passed the cream dispensers door.
Young politici an writes: "Why
does a state have Legislature?n NV
dear boy, it doesn't. The Legislature
has the state, every time. Has it by
the throat, by large majority. Has
it by the pocket book. Has it on its
back
Ia conversation last evening with
an Immigrant from Texas we learned
that the most fashionable time for
hanging people down there was at
sunrise. This is another strong and
weighty argument against early ris
ing.
A boaster in a hotel was telling of
the many sections of the country he
had visited A man at his elbow ask
ed: "Have you ever been In algebra?"
Ion, yes, )" said the bOaster, Il passed
through there on top of stage coach
about year ago."
While every eye is strained east
ward, and every energy directed
against an invasion against cholera,
the news comes that King Kalakaua'S
Royal Sandwich Island Brass Band
has arrived IN San Francisco. This
shows how hopeless it is to oppo Sc
fate.
The New York Customs House
officials have discovered a Captain
smuggling in cigars in the hollow legs
of writing-desk. Let alone custom
house officials for finding cigars when
there are any around. They will
even take them right out of your hand
and be looking the other way all the
time.
American necessities continue to be
imported The New York Mail says:
The bark Monrovia, on the West
African coast, in thirty-fve days,
brought 200 grey parrots and six
monkeys. The City of Mexico had
on board 100 yellow-headed Mexican
parrots, and Mr.. Warner, of New
Orleans, the largest dealer in the
The steamer Oxfordshire, which left
Shanghai on June Is. brought Mr..
Burns seventy monkeys and two
makes"
Professor Huxley says that "a
mountain of cod" from 100 to $50 feet
in height, moves for two months in
every year from westward and south
ward, past the Norwegian coast. NEvery
square mile of this colossal
column contains 1870, 100000 of fishes,
which, even on short rations, con
sumo no fewer the $40, 100000 of her
rings every week. The whole catch
of the Norwegin fisheries never ex-
ceeds IN year more than half a
square mile of this ''cod mountain, :"
and one weeks supply of the behring's
needed to keep that area of cod from
starving.
Joseph Chamberlain's denunciation
of the House of Lords is sweeping,
but it is without doubt accurate. For
the last hundred years, at any rate, :"
he said at Birmingham, 1.-The House
of Lords has never contributed one
iota to popular liberties or popular
freedom, or Clone anything to advance
the common veal; and during that
time it has protected every abuse and
sheltered every privilege. It has
denied justiceFand delayed reform. 1t
is irresponsible without Independence
obstinate without courage, arbitrary
judgment, and arrogant without
knowledge"
A doe kangaroo, when hunted aud
hard pressed, says Mr.. J. Fl. Wheel
wright, will throw the young one out
of the pouch into any handy clump of
scrub or tussock Ofigrass. The ''Doey"
accepts the situation, and makes him
self as small as ever he can in fact,
looking for him, all you ever can see
are his bright eyes. Young kangar00s
seem to possess exactly the same in
stlnct as the calves of wild or semi
wild cattle, that of concealing them
selves. Young kangaroos soon adapt
themselves to circumstances, and make
themselves comfortable at the bottom
of the pocket of JACKIE.
A thirty-ton monument is to be I'M
yelled on the battlefield st Mumfords-
vile, KY, on Wednesday the 18th
instant. The monument is eight feet
square at the base, six feet square at
the top and twenty-five feet high, and
was cut IN one piece of W hite oolitic
stone at a quarry near Bowling
Green. AS stated some time ago, the
battlefield had been purchased by Mr..
James Smith a wealthy citizen of
Glasgow, Scotland, whose brother,
Colonel Robert A. Smith, was killed
in the Confederate service.
Out of the $50 prisoners who on
March 81, 1884, formed the population
of English convict prisons, about 6 ,29S
were under sentences of FIVE and
seven years; only 105 had sentences
of SIX years. Of the remaining 3, 1873,
1927 had sentences of ten, fifteen. or
twenty years, and POI for life. The
remaining possible term of years were
inflicted only on S14; thus there was
only one for each of the terms of
eleven, thirteen, seventeen and nine