Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-03-13
Anmurun5 department.
SOME PRACTICAL JOKES.


his brothers and other relatives, but he tot
had decidedly large bump of that brand o
humor, as the following true story told me
by near relative of his, will show:
At one time he held the Office Of State
Solicitor, or what is called in some States
District Attorney; Montgomery, his place O.
residence, and Wetumpka, were in his dis
trict. Judge Cannon was the presiding Off
Ger at the time of which I am writing.
Court had just closed at Montgomery ano
was to open the next day at Wetumpka
There was not a railroadin the State of Ala
bama at that time, and the officers and
lawyers of the district "took the rounds
either on horseback or in buggies.
Judge Cannon, and an elderly attorney
whom I shall call Jonas, travelled together
in buggy, drawn by a pair of large mules
Jonas was rather an effenlinite looking man
destitute of beard, and almost a bankrupt in
the matter of cranal foliage. What little he
had, grew along the lower edges of his
dome of thought, while the upper precincts
were as barren as the Staked Plains. Jonas
allowed these scanty strands grow as long
as Mother Nature would let them, and he
would brush them back in such a manner
as to entirely cover the denuded table lands
above, and twist them together behind, and
hold them in place by "tucking comb,'
such as is worn by ladies.
With his hat on, Jonas did not present a
particularly eccentric appearance, but when
seen for the first time bare-headed, he was
really mirth provoking object.
On the occasion of which am writing,
Fitzpatrick rode on horseback to Wetumpka,
and passed Judge Cannon and his friend
Jonas on the way.
A few miles from the city he passed a
shallow slough of rather muddy water,
which was some POO yards wide. After
crossing he dismounted, built an immense
fire of brush and pine knots, and then pro-
ceeded to disrobe, hanging his garments
around the fire as though he was drying
them.
In little while his Honor and Mr.. Jonas
arrived at the further edge of the water,
when Fitzpatrick, arrayed in single gar,
ment, (an undershirt) yelled out: Don't
drive in there, Judge, for Heavens sake
It's at least ten feet deep in the middle, and
you will drown sure"
The Honorable Court and his companion
then held brief consultation, when they
decided that the present outlook was any
thing but flattering. They also decided to
take Fitch's advice, Glitch was a sort of
nickname or contraction for Fitzpatrick),
unhitch their mules, and swim over, as he
said he had done. Not caring to get their
clothes wet and having to dry them as Fitch
was doing (or rather, seemed to be doing)
they concluded to strip off before they start
ed upon their perilous ride, tie their clothing
up in small bundles and hold them over
their heads as they swan their mules across.
Once across they could resume their raiment
and walk the rest of the way to Wetumpka,
or ride their bareback mules, as they saw fit.
By this time Fitzpatrick began rather
hasty resumption Of his garments, saying
that he would hurry on to town and send
a buggy back to meet His Honor and his
friend. He did not start, however, until he
saw his victims nearly across the dark and
shallow waters.
The two legal luminaries presented any
thing but spectacle of dignity and rever-
ence, to be sure; with no article of clothing
mules with blind brides and buggy harness
on, with one hand convulsively clasping a
small bundle above their heads, while the
other clutched in vice-like gripa tuft OF
name, for neither of them could swim yard.
Thus they tremblingly entered the slough.
Fitzpatrick afterward said that he would
willingly have given a hundred dollars to
have had some of his legal comrades with
him to enjoy the fun.
Suppressed laughter almost burst his dia-
phragm, as forward the dignified Judge
and solemn barrister came splashing through
knee deep water, momentarily expecting
to plunge into ten foot abyss. There was
no portion of the water over a foot and a
half deep.
AS they neared the farther shore Fitzpat-
rick mounted his horse and rode on to We
tumpka, leaving '"The Court" and his COM
rade to enjoy the discovery of his wicked
sell.
The hotel at which the Judge and visit
ing attorneys always stopped was Kept by a
very prim and somewhat prudish old lady,
who was we'll acquainted with "Col. Fitch"
Judge Cannon, and most Of the Montgomery
lawyers but she had never seen Jonas.
The old lady had numerous questions to
ask "Col. Fitch" about himself and some of
his brother attorneys who had not arrived.
nance "COl. Fitch" told her that he had
passed Judge Cannon some miles back, "but
was sorry to find that he was bringing that
old woman along with him."
"What old woman? His wife," asked
the landlady.
"No indeed !" replied Fitch. "The Judge
has no wife. It's great pity he hasn't. If
he had a good wife perhaps her influence
might restrain him from travelling over this
judicial district in company with female
dressed in male attire"
The old hotel mistress was thoroughly
shocked, that such nice, modest, well-be-
haved old gentleman as Judge Cannon
should thus disgrace himself" as she, sug-
gested the possibility of Fitzpatrick's being
mistaken about it.
"It's fact" madam" he solemnly as
sured her. "No one would suspect her sex
at first sight, 50 well disguised is she, but if
you will notice carefully when she removes
her hat, she has her hair done up in little
Grecian knot, and fastened behind with a
regular ladies' tucking comb. 1t is really a
crying shame the way the old hypocrite has
been acting lately, and if you do not want
the reputation ofyour hotel ruined, you had
better not let them put up here"
The old lady was ablaze with Indignation,
and she said she "was jest eachin" to see the
old vilyan and tell him what she thought of
him."
About dusk Judge Cannon and his bald
headed companion drove up. The evening
was rather cool, and the little office of the
hotel was nearly full of newly arrived law
yers, to whom Fitzpatrick had just related
the ''deep-water," as he styled it, and also
what he had told the landlady about "His
Honor" and his female travelling companion.
They were all giving the Judge hearty
greeting, when in sailed the old landlady,
with the hauteur of duchess. Walking
boldly up to the Judge, that good-natured
dignitary, with his face Wreathed in smiles,
held out his hand, with chow do you do,
my dear madam am really glad"
''Don't you come around here Il dear
madaming' me, you old whitewashed grave:
yard :" She fairly shrieked. "You and
that lantern-jawed old wench" Shaking her
finger menacingly in Jonas face) "can jest
gather up your duds an skip; you au-daci-
~. al bootboy