davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-04-24

Shrewd young ladies prefer to be
married about Easter time, because
then there is no expense for decorat-
ing the church.
High forheads for women are again
coming into style. We are glad to
find that brains are to lie fashionable
once more.
We are surprised to learn that Dan
| lei Montague has the oldest piano in
the United States We have always
supposed the family next door owned
| it.
The crush hat is the only proper hat
for evening wear, so fashion has de-
cided. 1t don't generally take more
than one good evening out to crusA
most any hat.
Why is it that the man who drinks
mean whisky, eats onions and smokes
a strong pipe always puts his mouth
right in your face in a confidential
way when he has anything to say to
you?
"What kind of weather do you call
this2" said a Milton man the other
day. New England weather" re
marked his knowing friend. What
kind of weather is that?n "Well,
really, | sould say it was conglom-
Grated mass of incongruity."
The inter-druggist war goes bravely
on. Gattling guns loaded with pills
are talked of, and barbados will be
made OF patent medicine bottles.
! Generals Debility and Extortion are
in command of the attacking forces.
A Philadelphia teacher attempted
| to reprimand some little boys, when
they pulled their revolvers and at
| tempted to shoot him Out here in
the quiet west such a story as this
reads like fable, but the papers as
sure us that it is true
You may shout at your splendor Of spring,
OF its sweets you may soulfullY sing,
And declare that it's simply immense
But 20 youth there is naught that can bring
More pleasure than some circus ring,
For It's then that there Joy is in tents.
Morning Journal
It was Boyce who said: Cheerful
ness is an offshoot of goodness and of
wisdom" Sometimes it is an offshoot
of about eight glasses of beer. '-Phila
delphia Call 1t is very likely that
Mr.. Boyce, when he wrote of the
origin of cheerfulness, had never met
Philadelphia editor.
"Why should the song die in thy
throatl" inquiries Ella Wheeler in the
Chicago Tribune Because il is
natural. The song coulden't die ia his
pocket or his boots. The only place
it can curl up easily and go to rest is
/ Just where you have mentioned. And,
if you have any rightful emotion in
your soul, let it stay dead, just where
1 it is, and pray against resurrection.
A Louisville clergyman said in his
sermon ON Sunday morning that if
women and men would only dance in
separate rooms he would not object
to dancing. 1T would DC just as
graceful, he claimed, "and just as
healthful exercise, and they could
keep step to the music Just the same. y
/ Ne wonder people in Louisville find
religion uDinteresting and irksome,
with such a minister to preach to
them.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-04-24
Why She Thought So,
Boston Courier.

He was a Somerset club young man
and she a saucy damsel from a towh
in the Old Colony He had been
doing the English for her benefit;
until her patience was exhausted, and
she turned upon him with this re-
mark: mr.. p, you are English l
supposeW "Ohl nah, he replied
with an air of great delight Now
- aw what made-aw- thlnk
thatfn "Oh, she returned, with a
bewitching toss of her pretty head,
the English are so ill-bred, you
know"
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-04-24
Tuneful but Repressed.
Bnrlington Hnwker

Burlington Hawkeye.
Carlotta Perry, the poetess, wants
to know
Who can sing us a SON. Of sorrow
That fifty shall echo a souls despair
We can, Carlotta We are your
oyster Harken:
'Swee- ee-t violetsl Sweeter than all
the'-(ba bang Police Kill MIN
the son of screech owl Kill him D
Well, we're not allowed TO sing it, it
seems; but all the same, we know the
song YOU mean.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-04-24
Depends ON the Customer.
Phlladelphia Gan

What is the price of this axle
greasel' asked anew clerk of grocery
dealer; there is no mark on il.
1t depends on your customer. If
he asks for axle-grease charge him IL
cents a pound, but If he wants butter
make it IS cents.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-04-24
ESTABLISHING A CEMETERY.

Most of the bodies of those lost were
recovered within a very few days
after the disaster. In single day
over 309 were consigned to long, mar
row graves on the shore, and during
the ensuing week half as many more
were rudely committed the trenches
which the fishermen at Point Prospect
had prepared. The sights on the
shore in the neighborhood Of the
wreck for upward of fortnight were
no less heart-rending than they were
sickening A heavy raiA few days
after the burials washed away the
earth which had been sparsely thrown
over the corpses. and in many cases
Their ghastly forms were exposed to
view. The work of interment, so ina
peri city performed at first, was sub
sequently done more thoroughly, and
a few rude headstones were erected to
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
Proposed in a Street Car.
[From the Philadelphia Record.l

From the Philadelphia Record
The bleak and uninviting interior of a
street car, with the thermometer twenty
degrees below freezing point, was the
scene of a proposal of marriage. The
hour was half-past 9; the car one of the
amber-hued chariots of the Thirteenth
and Fifteenth Streets line, Philadelphia,
and the interested parties pretty girl
of about 10 summers, with dark eyes and
rosy cheeks, and a young man of two or
three and twenty.
''Are you cold, Amelia?" came in gen.
tie tones across the car.
eyes, Charley, was the half-whisper-
ed reply. And Charley snuggled up
close and took Amelia's hand in his.
He then glanced at her in loving way,
looked across at the reporter, who was
apparently asleep, noticed that the con-
ductor was entirely occupied in keeping
his feet warm, and, after giving one or two
coughs, said, with smile:
''Do you recollect what I told you the
first time I met you, Amelia?"
"No, Charley. What?"
''Why, that [ had never been in love,
and that it would be cold day when I'd
ask a girl to marry me"
sob, yes; but why do you ask?"
''Well this is Very cold day, Amelia,
isn't it?"
"Yes, Charley; but why?" and she
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
Money Without Owners.
washington Letter in Cleveland Herald

Washington Letter in Cleveland Herald.l
While I was in the "Dead-Letter"
Department the other day one of the
clerks engaged In opening letters-at a
table near by-called toa gentleman who
was entertaining me. He went to him
and Immediately beckoned for me to fol-
low.
"Now, what can be done in this case?"
he says. "Here is letter, this instant
opened, aad you see what it contains.
It was clean, new $40 bill, neatly
folded and wrapped IN piece of per-
fectly blank brown paper-not mark of
pen or pencil to show from whom it was
sent. The letter had been advertised as
unclaimed and was dead, and the exami-
nation of its contents made 1T more COM
pletely dead than ever.
"We have nothing but the postmark,
and even that is almost obliterated, but
our expert will take hold of it and do
the best he can with it. There's pretty
slim chance in this case. l guess Uncle
Sam will get that money. This reminds
me of something in my own experience.
A few years ago, when [ was opening
letters, [ found one just like this, except
that the amount was $50 and on the
wrapper around it was written, in pencil
"a friend, Matthew vi, 81 I looked
that up and found it to be: But when
thou does5 aims, let not thy left hand
know what thy right hand doeth. The
letter was addressed to woman and it
was clearly case of charity. [ really
felt bad that we could not succeed in
finding either party. and that money is
in 4ho 10 dow -
The number of letters opened last
year, containing currency, checks,
drafts and negotiable paper, was over
"a, 900. The amount of actual cash
taken from letters was nearly $39,
and the value of checks, &c., represent
ing money, about $1,600,O00. During
the last year the number of pieces of
mail matter that reached the Dead
Letter Office was nearly 4, 500, 600! The
exact number was :, 440, 1922. This is
about IA 500 for every day.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
Domestic Dynamite.
TFron Puck.I


In fit of desperation she trips down
to the kitchen in pair Of number two slip
pers, with Louis XIV. heels, and by the
time she has made pudding that no
one can eat, and has burned three or
four dainty, well-manicured fingers, she
is In a state of mind bordering on dis
traction, and ready to explode on the
slightest provocation.
Mr.. D., with his usual want of tact,
fails to see the necessity of pouring oil
upon the troubled waters, and, on TAX
ing his seat at the dinner table, uncon-
sciously ignites the fuse that causes the
final catastrophe, by attempts to be
facetious.
"Oh, DEAR" signs Mrs. d. CT am
so tired, and my feet hurt awfully!
must say French slippers are not good
things to cook in"
"No," replied her iege lord. "I
should think saucepan would answer
better"
The black eyes snap, and the little
feminine tongue sharply retorts:
81 didn' know that sauce-pans con-
versed p
Mr.. D. still fails to see the little flame
creeping Slowly DuG surely along, anO
most indiscreetly continues the repartee,
remarking:
"Sauce-boxes do, my dear"
More scintillations from the black
eyes followed by a quivering of the
dimpled chin, as the little woman says:
'First I'm hot, and then I'm cold.
Now I'm so chilly that it seems as if
should never get warm in the world"
Mr.. D. (unfeelingly), "Well, you will
in the next my love!''
Grand explosion!!!
"You're brute to make fun of my
sufferings, that's what you are! Boo
hoo-hoop
Fragments afterwards found in din
ing-room--1 husband, l French slippers,
1 .delicately perfumed cambria mouchoir,
puddle of tear drops, and bad pud-
ding
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
THE FORT SULLY BLAZE.
1drClcuIars of Tuesdays Fire-Part of the
BarrackS Saved

PARTICULARS of Tuesdays Fire-Part of the
Barracks Saved.
ST.. PAUL, MINI, February ID Gen.
Terry has received telegram from Fort
Sully, from which it appears that less
damage was done by the fire of Tuesday
than was anticipated. Two strong work
ing parties were organized, and by
means OF ropes and axes road was cut
through the line of barracks on each
side of the fire. After a time
the men succeeded in getting the
flames under control. The quarters
OF the regiment band, the
guard-house, prison, and the barracks
OF Company A were entirely consumed.
Company K lost everything but the
mess hall and one squad-room, which
will furnish accommodations for about
twenty men. The orderly-room, store
room, squad-roOm, and kitchen belong
ing to Company E were also DESTROYED,
Orders were issued by Gen. Terry YES
terday for the immediate transfer of
Company A (Quimby's) to Fort Ben
nett, and request has been made for
sufficient funds to repair the buildings
partially destroyed. It is thought that
between $4,000 and $4,000 will be re-
quired.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20

It is something they never did before,
always taking a car on Grand avenue
and riding stright to the depot. During
mis- visit last night, Jerry got up, ex-
cused himself and went down stairs, and
was absent several minutes. have
an idea that he absented himself
for the purpose of charging his revolt
yer. He purchased the weapon about
six months ago and was in the habit
of carrying it at all times. / spoke to
him about it once, and he replied that
he always had considerable money on
his person and needed protection. At
the time of his death he had In his pock-
cts $500 in Northern Pacific stock and
between $40 and $50 in money. He told
me at one time that Bridget had refused
TO marry him, saying she had two rea-
sons, one was a difference in religion
and the other she refused to mention.
l think he must have been out of his
right mind, and yesterday morning no.
ticed that he acted strangely when we
met.
The unfortunate young woman lin
gered in great agony until 3 O'Clock,
when she died. The scene at the station
was truly heartrending. A motley crowd
has been hanging around the station
since an early hour this morning.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
Banking Out West.
From the Wall Street News

EOu the wall OGTSeG N0Wssl
A Baltimore man who started a bank
at Custer City a year or so ago failed
within a week, simply because he didn t
know Western human nature. His
place had not been open an hour when
man in buckskin slouched in and pre-
scented note of 500 running for sixty
days and asked to have it discounted.
ST don't know you" replied the bank
er, who was his own cashier.
''Stranger, that's my name thar at the
bottom-Bill Riggs"
81 see."
tAnd that note is backed by Jim
Madden"
ST see, but I don't care to discount
it."
The man picked up the paper and
walked out and in the course of ten
minutes a chap with a pistol in either
hand danced into the bank, and cheeriIy
called out:
"Bere's Jim Madden, and he wants to
set eyes on the galoot who won't dis
count note when he backs it!'
He popped the banker In the shoulder,
a clerk through the hip, and then fired
away at the fixtures until some one
called him out to get a drink. The
next morning the banker was missing,
and when he afterward turned up in
Denver, he acknowledged that the bank
ing business had some painful features
that no one but cowboy was able to
wrestle with.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
EngIand's Wars.
From the st. James Gazette

from the 81. James 0aZeIte.J
Probably good many people would
be surprised to be told that this country
is at present engaged In war. The
most striking tribute to the vastness of
the empire is the fact that war or two
can be ended somewhere or other on
the frontiers of our dominion before the
public has woke up to the knowledge
that it has begun. The government of
India have now no fewer than three little
wars on their handsome against the
rebellious Thakurs of the Bikanir state
in Raipootana; one to punish the Akhas
for their recent raid: and third against
the Korwas of Sirgooja, native state
in Chota Nagpore, who have also been
making raids on vii lagos in our territory
and plundering the people. The
Bikinar expedition under Gen. Gillespie
is not expected to meet with much diff
Guilty, but it may not be so easy to
coerce the Akhas in their native fast
nesses. The country inhabited by this
tribe is very difficult of access, the di-
rect road from the plains leading along
the precipitous channel of the Bhoroti
River. The Akhas are divided into two
clans-the Hazari Chors, or s'eaters of
thousand hearths," and Kapis Chors, or
'Fthieves that lurk in the cotton-felds."
These, DR.. Hunter tells, are nicknames
given to them of old by the Assamese
owing to the terror they inspired in
their raids into the Brahmapootra Val
ley. It is satisfactory to learn that
sharp skirmish with the marauders on
the 9Th inst. led to their retreat, with an
insignificant loss on our side
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
A Peculiar Form of Monomania.
rFrono tho Pail Mall Goza++a

From the Pail Mall Gazette.l
The death is reported from Glasgow
of the last of four sisters whose career
afforded remarkable instance of form
of monomania which Dickens was fond
of describing. ''They had been brought
up in the expectation of receiving con-
siderable property from their mothers
brother. When he died it was found
that his property waste be equally divid-
ed among the children of his brothers
and sisters" but after this clause the
names we're written In the will, and the
name of the mother of the sisters was
left out. They devoted their lives to
the recovery of their portion; and their
efforts were at first reasonable enough;
but ill-success in the law courts gradu-
ally induced monomania, and the sums
claimed became larger and larger, and
hardly person has held any kind of an
official position during the past forty
years without having been inter-
viewed or written to by the sisters.
They left an enormous pile of correspond
ence behind them, including petitions
to Sir A. Alison, Lord Derby, Lord
Rosedale, the Glasgow Gown Council
and the House of Lords. On all other
matters they were perfectly rational.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
The Vegetarian,s Stumbling-BlOck.

There is one inherent weakness in the
creed of vegetarians, and that is that
they can not get on without animal food
namely, milk and eggs. Of course the
fact stares vegetarians In the face that
nature has provided animal food for all
young mammals, and that is very awk-
ward and untoward fact. Vegetarians,
however, In the face of 1t, have thought
it wise to include milk as an article of
vegetarian diet. But milk can not be
got without COWS, and as the consump-
ton of milk may be expected to increase,
and issaid as matter of fact, to increase,
where little or no other animal food is
taken, the number of COWS must be ex-
pected to increase under vegetarian
regime, but then there must also be
calves, and the calves will grow up and
become COWS, and even bulls, and cover
the whole surface of the globe in time If
they are not killed; but one of the great
arguments for vegetarianism is the cru
city of killing animals. Nobody, of
course, desires that any animal shall be
killed but with the minimum of cruelty,
but it would seem that if the vegetarian
yields on the subject of milk he must
also yield on the subject of killing ami
mails, and if animals must be killed it is
difficult to see why they should not be
eaten, seeing that there is no doubt they
make excellent food. Milk, therefore,
seems to us to be the vegetarian's STUN
bling block, and until he throws milk
overheard vegetarianism has little in it
but Enthusiastically ReU6eaU.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
A Case of Charity.
From the Detroit Free Press. /


A lady living in the northern part of
this city had her attention directed to a
case of charity the other day which
made her heart-strings vibrate. There
was sick woman and two ragged and
hungry children in the house, while the
husband was out tramping the streets in
search of any sort of work which would
earn them bread. The charitable lady
made a trip among her neighbors and
collected food and clothing, and after
spending an hour or two with the sick
lady she left a dollar in cash to buy
medicines. When she had done this
she went home with a glad heart, but
later in the day, as she was obliged to
pass the house again, she saw the dis
couraged husband on the steps. He
had just returned from long tramp,
and as usual had found no work. The
lady was about to accost him, when he
called to boy on the opposite side and
asked:
Say, sonny, how much to clean the
snow off my waikiki"
ooh, about 80 cents"
''I'll give you a quarter"
'EWell, I guess I'll do it,"
The man entered the house and took
% cents of the very money left with his
wife to pay for the work, and the lady
walked on without any remarks. The
remarks were made after she got home.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
THE HUDSON BAY ROUTE.
Hopes of Shortening the Route from the
Northwest to Europe Eight
Hundred Miles.


Northwest to Europe Eight
Hundred Miles.
OTTAWA, Ont, February 12.-In the
House OF Commons yesterday Royal, of
Winnipeg, moved for select committee
to report upon the practicability of
navigating RUdson's Straits. Blake,
leader OF the opposition, and Sir John
Macdonald supported the suggestion
that the work of exploring the straits
should be left to the Imperial and feder-
al governments. The British war office
should be asked to send naval ship to
Hudson's Bay for two or three winters,
not only to collect data as to the time
the straits are clear, but to furnish other
information regarding the harbors, etc.
A report from such source would give
confidence to capitalists investing in
projected roads fr ON Winnipeg to Hudss
sons Bay. In this connection it may
be stated that two charters for railways
to HudsOn's Bay have been granted by
the Dominion government, each having
land subsidy of 6,400 acres per
mile, worth so cents per acre. The
promoters of these charters have ANAL
gamated their interests, and will push
construction so soon as navigation of
Hudson's Straits for any considerable
portion of the year has been proved
feasible. Sir John Macdonald said
yesterday that, in addition to the land
grant herein mentioned, the govern
ment would give the railway
company a money subsidy. The
Manitobans, having failed in their at
tempt to build railroads to the south,
have turned their attention to Hudson's
Bay. They are confident as to the feas-
Utility of this scheme, and hope to find
an outlet, not only for the products of
Manitoba and the Northwest, but for the
Western states, this route being the
shortest to Liverpool by something like
800 miles.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20

knowing that the entire police force
stood ready and watching to gobble
them up unless they could show author
ltatlve permission from parents or guar
dians, or that they were on errands, or
IN the discharge of some legitimate
duty. At all public entertainments
heretofore, especially theatrical, ETC.,
these boys have been a very serious
source of annoyance to both performers
and audience, crowding the back seats
and entry, and driving people wild with
their yells, shrieks, whistling and stamp
ing. 1t had to be stopped.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
DANGEROUS BAGGAGE.
"A New Yorker Ships a SatcheI Full of DIV
Mantle From Florida.

"A Ne" AOrker Sn1pS a SaGcheI Full of Dy-
Mantle From Florida.
BUFFALO, N. Y, February ia
few days ago satchel was checked
from Buffalo to Olean, and at the latter
place the bag burst open and dynamite
ran out. A detective opened the satch-
ell and found forty or fifty pounds of the
explosive and quantity of mercurial
caps for firing it. Great excitement was
caused by these discoveries. Sunday the
ownership of the satchel was traced to
the door of w. N. Hunt, in Friendship,
n. Y, and by means of a
telegram he was induced to go to
Clean. In the meantime the detective
secured warrant for his arrest from a
United States commissioner. After his
arrival at Clean Hunt explained the
matter IN this way: He and John Black
mar, OF Bolivar, on starting for Florida.
took with their baggage quantity of
dynamite. They had an idea that it
could be used in clearing stumps from
new land, but found territory so cheap
that the explosive could not be profit
ably employed. Hunt checked the
satchel to Bradford, and subsequently
to Clean. A very heavy penalty attaches
to the otfense. In order to make sure
of the nature of the compound q dyna-
mite cartrige taken from the box was
exploded. 1t is believed that Hunt will
be severely dealt with.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
Working His Way in the World.
From the Davenport Qowa) Gazette.l

From the Davenport Qowa) Gazette.l
A Clinton County doctor attended a
birth about fifteen years ago, for which
his bill was so. The account ran
along until few days ago. The sub
ject of the doctors professional skill,
now smart lad of fifteen years, was
hired by that gentleman as stable boy,
and at the end of his first month carried
home the receipt for the old debt as
pay for his services. It is the first case
on record where boy has been obliged
to pay his own expenses on coming int
this world.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
Ringing the Boys Home at Night.
[From the Austin (Nev.) Press

Owing to the tendency of our young
Austin boys to gravitate toward hood
lumism after dark, the Board Of Com
missioners concluded to make them go
home at night, and not run the streets
any more. A town ordinance was ac-
cordingly passed to that effect, and now
from the tower of the hall of Eagle En-
CINE Company, No. 3, rings aloud the
curfew bell every evening at s o'clock,
giving just eight raps as warning for
the boys to vanish homeward or be ar
rested. The boys tumbled to the racket
forthwith, not willingly, but judiciously,