Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1884-12-17
AN OLD REPROBATE
Tells Of the Trick That He Played
Upon His Anxious Wife.

From the Chicago Tribune
You see. Martha got In the habit of sitting
up for me at an early age. and she can't break 1t
off | couldn't persuade her to go to bed and
mind her own business, so | studied on the mat
ter. We live in one of the center houses Of
block of fve-stOry- and-attic buildings. There's
scuttles in the roofs of all of them. and / per-
suaded Mr.. Greenup. who lives In the adjoining
house. to let me in his house last night about l
O'Clock, and went up through his scuttle and
over to mine, and so down into our bedroom. /
could see Martha. from the head of the stairs.
sitting in the front room cycling the clock with q
look that was a very tart chrome But | IN
dressed and quietly got in bed. and there lay
waiting developments Every now and then
I'd hear Martha give a short fdgety cough.
Then I'd hear her ge up and prance around the
room little. and by and by go to the front VIM
dows and lam the shutters.
After I'd lain there about an hour, I heard her
get up and go stand out on the front steps tor
good five minutes. Then she came In aud Slam
med the door and locked it ami commenced
coming up stairs Every other step she'd say:
ooh. the wretch. Won't / give it himl know
where he Isl know where he Isl He needn't
think to deceive me. Oh, the William Bout
the time she had nearly got to the landing
think she must have seen the light streaming
out of the door that I'd lett ajar. could hear
her stop, and then / commenced to enore. was
diidtu W lOOh, YOU huOW, Out COUiU ieel ner
cautiously come up to the door and look in.
Well. sir. I'd have given my pension from the
war Of 1176 to have seen her about the time she
saw it was me. Ill bet it was fun. But 1 was
afraid TO do anything but snore Then she came
into the room, and, by the way she breathed
and stood around. | had to nearly bite my
tongue Off to keep a straight face on me.
could feel that she sat down In chair and was
dumfounded. ! never let on. but kept on snor-
ing like thunder: but when she kicked over
Chair turned and pretended to wake up. kind OF
daZed like. and says:
why, Martha, dear, aInt you come to bed
YETI
"Jarphly.' said she, awful slow and solemn
like. when did YOU come in?
"'Why, must be four or FIVE hours ago Don't
you remember when told you not to go to
sleep again IN the rocker but to come up to
bed and turned over and professed to 90 to
sleep again.
.'She never made any reply but acted in a
daZed, bewildered sort of way. and when she
got to bed could tell she didn't sleep wink
for three hours.
This morning it was fun to watch Martha.
! could hardly keep straight face. At the
breakfast table. and all the time ] was about
the house. she'd eye me when she thought |
wasn't looking; then. when I'd notice her, she'd
turn away and be awfully busy at something.
she caught Inc kind of grinning once. and by
George, thought the explosion was about to
come. But it didn't. though the look of blank.
unfathomable suspicion she wore on her face
all the time was the greatest show on earth. 1t
nearly broke me up, and I've laughed till nv
ribs ache ever since. | know it won't last. |
know there's day of repenting a-coming and
the thermometer is going up clear out Of sight
in the Jarphly family But who's going after
trouble? It'll come soon enough without hunt
ing it, and Inl going to enjoy that scuttle in the
root until the explosion comes"