Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-03-06

A MISUNDERSTANDING thought
would take run up and see If you didn't
want to buy 4 sewing machine" SAID the
agent to Farmer Grimes.
II don't know as dO," replied the farm
err; "I've got most of my spring sowing
DONE"
"But won't you need it for sewing in the
summer?' ,. ~ s.gs .s...
"Look here, young feller, we don't SOW in
the summer. We cuts, an gethers, an
binds"
ooh! we'll, this machine gathers and
binds" 49,
"Mebbe you'll be telling me next that
Your machine will haul in the crap an put
it in the barn. Don't come round here with
any of your big Stories"
"Don't be ruffled, my dear sir, think you
do not understand me. l mean a machine
to sew cloth, not grain.
"Ahem! you do, do you. Then you'd
better 90 talk to them wimin. It's a good
thing you did't mean the other kind, for if
you'd kept on telling me about your Won
derful machine for plantin' an reapin' you'd
got me a rippin' an tearin' till I'd basted
you" u."-Isras SJtings.
SENATOR FRYE's BANK ACCOUNT.-"I
see," said Senator Frye, of Maine, "that a
Washington paper, in a very complimenta-
ry notice, sets me down as poor man, not
worth over $4,000. That's too much,'"
said Mr.. Frye. ''But the fellow who wrote
that does not know the reason am so poor.
Itcame about in this wise. was brought up
in Quaker family, and when, in my boy
hood, got a chance to 60 up to Boston, my
Quaker grandfather gave me five dollars to
spend. | did not know any boys in Boston,
and could think of no way to have five
dollars worth of fun without boys. So |
kept the money in my pocket. When |
got home my grandfather asked me how l
spent the five dollars, and l, with the air OF
one who had done virtuOus action, said
Il did not spend it at all, grandfather;
saved it and have it in my pocket" Where
upon nv grandfather said: you may give
me back the money, William. gave you
the money to spend at Boston," Ever since
that" said the Senator, 81 have known
better than to save money"
DIDN'T WANT TO BE PREsSED.-The
following story is told of one of North
Cardinals ex-Republican Judges: When
Judge Tourgee was on the bench in North
Carolina an old chum of his was brought
before him on some trifing charge. During
the trial the prisoner said something that
highly displeased his Honor. "Do you
mean" sternly said the Judge, ''to bring
this court into contempt ?" The prisoner
smiled and said: Judge, you have known
me for, many years, and we have been
friends, haven't we?'' "That is fact"
said the Judge. "You would do me favor
within reason, even now, would you not 20
"Very likely" responded his Honor, all
graciousness and good humor, "but what
is it ?" "Well," retorted the scamp, "do
not press me too hard on the point OF con-
tempt this morning."
ONLY TwENTY.-A lady with daughter
of uncertain age, gave out that she was only
20. At a party one evening she was speak
ing of her daughter and lady remarked :
"How old did you say Mary was ?'
"Mary is just past twenty"
"Ah! I should think she was older than
that"
eyes, everybody takes herto be older than
sheis, because you see Mary has such quiet
ways. Good evening, DIR. JONES'" she said
as an old gentleman came up, we were just
talking of Mary, and the lady was quite
surprised to hear me say she was so young
you know she's only twenty"
''Of course, Madam, of course for I've
heard you tell it for the last ten years, at
least, and have every confidence in any
thing you would say, Madam"
The LoNEsoMEsT MAN IN THE WORLD
Dave Walker was one of the best North Car
olina soldiers that Lee had. Dave was in
Richmond some time since and sitting at
night in the st. James Hotel he heard fellow
with cooked hat on talking everybody
nearly to death about the war. He said he
had been colonel. Finally he drew a seat
up to Dave and asked him if he was in the
war. Dave said: eyes, he was there
.What position did you hold ?' None
sir" said Dave. 81 reckon Pm the lone
soonest man in the world" "Ah, why SOP
asked the colonel. "Why," said Dave, 81
was private in the war and l am the only
one have ever seen since. e."-MHon Nron
icle.
BURIED ANorHER.-"I see," said Mr.
Tomlinson, turning from his newspaper ant
addressing his better two-thirds, 'that ole
man Grettle has buried another Wife"
"What, you don't say so? Why, his tirs
wife only died two weeks ago. When die
he marry again."
ssHe hasn't married again"
'Tomlinson, are you fool?'
'Presumably, my dear, but why is thi
outburst? Grettle has buried another man
wife. He is an undertaken, you know"
n~ "Whiskey is your greatest enemy
"But," said Jones, "Didn't the Bible say
Mr.. Preacher, that we are to love our enc
IL