The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-02-14
iIuM0I.

MAKES t-ncls-The railroad builder.
FINANCIAL circles :OD, 100000.
THE der tist IL fAcile forceps in his
profession.
ELLA % Years old, who has broken q
window -" Papa, dear. don't beat me:
subtracs it rather from my marriage
dowgy.'
A NEWLY married Texas man shot his
bride while she was mixing her first
batch OF biscuits. His plea in court
will probably be self-defense.
"YEs." said he, apologeticauy. Il
sad ito policeman was drunk; but did
not mean TO tate it as fact. mercy
made the remark on general princi'
pies.
A MISSIONARY tells story of Zulu
chief who embraced Christianity at
ouce when tod il meant only one wife.
The tawny gentleman was i'll search OF
peace.
"TnE dynamite party!' exclaimed
Mrs. Shoddy, who was reading over
the papers. Dear me, Augustus, Well
have to give one right away before
those Smiths hear of it, l wonder what
it's like?"
A MAINE woman offered her husband
at auction, and no one bid Then she
put up n billy goat, and $l2 was
offered. Ever since, in talking with
the former, she puts this and that to-
gether.
A TRADEsMAN having bought door
mat with the word saive (welcome) in
the center, country relative, on seeing
the mat, remarked: Il say. Cousin
John, what kind of a salve is that you
advertise on your door mat?"
FARMER: Looking for work, ehP
What can you do?" Tramp: well,
don't want to brag. I'm kind O. deli
cate. Hard work don't agree with me;
but, for sittin' down Gin cornfield and
scarin' crows away, there amt no one
can beat me-
LORD BRADFORD was an eccentric
Scotch Judge, with a bad-tempered
wife. His butler determined to leave
because Lady Bradford was always
scolding him. why" exclaimed the
Judge, we've little to complain; We
may be thankful ye're not married to
her"
AN exchange tells of Chicago young
man who, in rash moment, told hls
girl that if she would hang up her
stocking on Hallow Fen he would fill ii
to the brim with something nice. When
he saw her stocking he was undecided
whether to get into it himself or buy a
sewing machine
The New York Journal is asked:
"If youth Is engaged to a young lady
whose fat. er 'shuii!es off, what i, the
youths place at the funeral?" This is
a somewhat difficult question to an-
swer; but, if the youth were to Shuttle
off," there would be no trouble to
determine his position at the funeral.
He would fall in Immediately behind
the clergyman.
HEY, old man, what's the matter with
you? Somebody dead?" ''For Great
SCOTS sake don't detain me. I'm in aB
awful hurry. I've got to get home"
us your wife or children sick? Why,
man alive, you are as pale as o ghost"
Il know / am. I've reason to be; but
let me CO." and he rushed up the street
like maniac. Presently he returned
with his hands in his pockets. his hat
arranged jauntily on one side of his
head. peaceful, happy look on his
face, and from his lips came the tuneful
strains of "Oh, Pm Daisy" Il beg
your pardon, old man, but had nc
time to lose; let's smile" And over q
| glass Of beer he confided to his friend
that he had given the coat he had been
wearing for several months to his wife
to sew on button and had forgotten tG
first look through the pockets. But ]
was just in time" he said, with heart.
felt sigh, and his friend, who was ben.
edict himself, pressed his hand earnestly
and they parted.-Phiiadelphia Call.