Morning journal and courier., 1884-02-11
PATHETIC.

poet hsth remarked that ''all paths lea d to the grave" He undoubtedly referred to allopaths and homosopaths and hydropaths and the rest of the M D. ths.-Pittsburg Telegraph.
 II hear," said Alpha to Omega, ''that 70 UT property is in the hands of the sheriff?' Worse than that" replied Omega, sloomi- ly; ''a water pipe burst this morning, and the house is in the hands of 8 plumber.'- Norfistown Herald.
 A contemporary is taken to task by an aristocratic giver of kettIedrum because the report of it alluded to the ''swell-head waiter'' What the reporter wrote was the 'swell heal-waiter," which is quite another thing. = Lowell Courier.
 Teacher -t'who reigued after Saul ?'' Scholar-ssDavid. s'Who came after David ?" .sThe Queen of shebs," answere ed the pale young man on the back bench, and the teacher turned to Corinthians, and looked solemn. n.-Frse Press.
 A fat man of this city is making quite a fortune by . shrewd trick He secrstes two cats under his vest, and when visiting music halls he makes them yell by squeezing their tails People not posted on the trick imagine him to be great opera singsr.-Chicago Sun.
 ssWife, I say, why in thunder are you open ing all the doors I'm dsrned near frozsn!' ssOh, James, it's so cold out doors! And there are so many poor people exposed on the strsetsl I thought would just let out little warm air to the poor thingsl gsl"-Frse Press.
 Little girl-''Papa, did mama say yes to you right of when you asked her to marry you?' Papa-'Certainly she did " L. G. -stWhy don't she say yes now just as quick when you ask her to do things?" Papa-'Ma- mas hearing is not so good now, darling that's all.
 Ths ladies who live on Capitol hill. Wash ington, have chosen Monday for reception day. It is not stated, but they probably do their washing one day later in the week Some society ladies must resort to strange sxpedisnts to keep up appearaRces.-Norrls- town Herald.
 news item states that sthe hose of M Brant was broken into during her abse noo and robbed of $9O worth of jswelry, clothing and other property" The only explanation of this queer statement is that either Mrs. B is a Chicago lady or the printer has left .'u'' out of ''hose -Norristown Herald.
 Mrs. Suddenrich-''Have the printers sent our iuvite cards home?'
 Miss s-'Yes, ma; and would send them back if was you'
 Mrs. s.-''What is the matter with 'am.n
 Miss S-"Look at them letters R. s. V. P. on one corner!"
 ssYoung man, advises an exchange, Eff you must marry, marry, the hired girl; you have got to have her, anyhow !" Young man, don't do anything so foolish A hired girl wants six nights out a week, and half day on Sunday, besides insisting upon entertaining her sisters and her cousins by the dozens in the kitchen. man wants his wife in the house once in a while, if not oftener.-Norristown Herald.
 A youth of limited means, who had just married, sent his wife's rich father a beauti- ful copy of Tom Hoods poem, "What Gan an Old Man Do but Die?" The oratified fsther-in-law at once took away his daughter, clubbed his son-in law, and having broken his leg on the front steps of the young schemer sued him for $20, ,0o0. And now the young man has concluded that an old mans sphere of action is not so limited as Tom Hood supposed. Harvard Lampoon