The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-06-26

DOu kltO VI yOuA
said an ugly country school-teacher to
a pert young miss who had ''sassed"
him. ''Oh, you needn't worry" she
retorted. Il would not kiss you even
II the freckles on your face were gold
dollars"
1t is said of trimming store clerk
In Denver, that on seeing party of la
dies approaching him on the street he
dashed into an alley and hid until they
had passed. He had forgotten his cane
and could not think of meeting the
party in such nude state.
'Do you use capital or little letters
when writing the name of state?"
asked q new reporter. What state is
itP" ''Rhode Island" "USe little
letters, of course-don't crowd the
state" "But there are two capitals in
Rhode Island" "Oh, ah-ahem-yes,
so there are-but we can't help it."
Fipps, who had been lunching with
friend upon frogs legs: Everything
you see is of some use in this world,
even the frog" Friend, who is dispu-
tatious: 81 don't agree with you. OF
what use is the mosquito to us?"
Fipps: "Ah! my dear fellow, you take
q wrong view of things. Just think
how useful we are to the mosquito. -
Boston Gazette.
1t was Shakespeare who remarked:
Better three hours too soon than ono
minute too late" Shakespeare never
waited three hours in a rural railway
station on cold night, where dozen
men and boys were smoking vile pipes
a,~;ffinn. fahanoo ft,ion oroiI,ct a
red-hot stove, or he would have said:
..Better never than three hours too
soon."
Drug store boy to prescription clerk
Here's prescription, and the man
says he wants to know how long it will
take to put it up. Prescription clerk,
meditatively-Let me sect is about
dinner time. Five minutes to go over
to dinner, eighteen minutes to eat din
ner. five minutes to get back, and two
minutes to put up the prescription.
Tell the man it will take about half an
hour to put it up.
II want a Henry Two Eyes hat"
said she. The assistant, altogether at
fault. replied: IF you will excuse me
moment, will see if we have it in
stock. " and went away to see if any
body could tell her the shape nearest
TO Henry Two Eyes hat. 1t was as
good as a Christmas riddle, and wanted
as much pzzling over as society paper
acrostic. but at last they made it out
that what was required was Henri Ii.
Byron's good sayings have been in
all mems mouths-in the mouths of
some who have claimed them as their
own. Many were admirable puns,
others had better claim to remem-
brance. The last time l met him-a
long time ago--I sat next him at din
ner. $50 Poole. the tailor, is dead!"
remarked our host. "Indeed! What
did he die OFF" "Of fit, said Byron
at once; ''what else could tailor die
OFF"
f. "Then you do love me, Elijah?"
'Iove you, Elizabeth Ann? Why, l
adore you" "And you would do any
thing for me?" II would this minute.
Yes, Elizabeth Ann, would die for
you" ''Then l will ask for that test
of your love. Get your life insured for
$40. 600. make the policy payable to
me, and then die" He went off to 90
to tho insurance office. That was three
months ago. She hasn't seen him
since, nor has she heard anything of
the insurance policy.
A young member of village debat-
ing society who talked more than half
an hour on the affirmative side of the
question, ''ls the world growing bet
terp" was as mad as the mischief when
he got ready to go home and found
that some person had carried away his
new silk umbrella and left n seventy
five cent cotton affair with two broken
ribs in its place. He says If that ques-
tion ever comes up again he wants an
to make few remarks on
the negative side.
The Oxford people are innocent. An
elderly gentleman last week had his
eyes suddenly covered in the streets by
some one behind, who playfully said,
s'Who is il? Guess" He went on
guessing through the rounds of his
friends, when the playful being behind
darted off and left the old man still be-
wildered and thinking who it could be.
He found out when he got home and
missed a pocket book with f10 in it;
also a gold repeater and handsome
chain and seals.
A Philadelphian who couldn't meet
q little bill Of SIS or $40 felt called up-
on 10 explain that he had been dragged
down by the failure of a certain crock
cry house. ''And the crockery house,
you know" he added, "was involved
by the suspension of the Drovers'
Bank" "Why, l didn't know that
you had any business dealings either
with the firm or the bank" "You
didn't? Why, the senior partner had
made all arrangements to back note
for 800 with me ut the bank! If that
wasn't business dealings I'd like to
know what you call it..
This country will not be a success
until English editorial writer's pay
more attention to American politics.
A staff correspondent of one of the
great London dailies visited this coun-
try some time ago, and while in Arkan-
sas sent the following letter to his jour-
nal: "Arkansas is situated between
Memphis and San Francisco. Its eli
mate is mild in winter, but in summer.
am told by an old inhabitant, is ex-
tremely cold. The governor of this
state receives $500, 600 year, which
he spends mainly for the entertain
ment of his friends. am much con-
cerned in American politics and never
tire OF studying the situation. At the
present writing the country is much
stirred up about President Dorsey. lie
went out on his sheep ranch somewhere
In Cleveland and has not been heard
of since. Should he never be found,
Vice President Sam Iilden will be
knighted In his place, ,"--Arkansas
Traveller,