, 1884-12-27

you double 1t.
A LAWYER in one of the courts lately
threw a cane at another's head. The court
required him to apologize for it. He did
SO, and added, "VVhile / am about it, I
may as we'll apologize beforehand for throw
ing another cane at him the first chance
| get"
HUSBAND: "It looks like rain, my dear,
DON'T you think we had better take an
umbrella?' Wife: ooh, no! we don't want
to be bothered with it." Husband: "You
take great chances, my love-" Wife: 81
know l do. If | were a man I would be-
a bold Spectator. l would never be con-
tent, like you, to do an ordinary humdrum
business that would just bring me q
living" IAN hour later, the couple stand
ing in a narrow doorway with the rain
beating fercely in. Wife: CHOW do I
look z" Husband every much like a
Spectator, sharer of my joys and sorrows"
CANUTE H SECoND.-When on a tour
through Jutland, Frederick VI. of Den.
mark entered a village school and asked
the boys, (Which are the greatest kings
of Denmark ~ With one voice they ex.
claimed, "Canute the Great, Valdemar,
Christian "" One little fellow, into
whose ear the schOolmaster had whispered,
now raised his hand. "Do you know Of
another " eyes, Frederick VI" What
great things has he done ?" inquired the
king The boy, confused, at length STAN.
mered out, 81 don't know" ''No more do
l." replied the king, $50 You need not fret
about it,
DIR. ABERNETHY'S most famous encoun-
ter was with Wellington, and for once the
"IrOn Duke" found Il match who compelled
him to retreat. The Duke called to CON
,,,1% liz, =, g34S,D l,,O, IT., .o $500.
sent in to the doctor, and he was shown
into the waiting room with other patients.
AS many of them belonged to the lower
classes, and were admitted to the consult
ing room in turn before his grace, the duke
became imp ltient and forced his way in
without being summoned. The doctor,
who was busy with d patient, looked up liz
surprise, eXclaiming, GLOW did You get in
sil ~ "By the door" vas the impaSSive
reply. DWELL, sir" said the doctor. 81 re.
commend you to make Your exit the same
way" There was no alternative. The
conqueror Of Napoleon WAS compelled to
retreat by d city doctor.
odd YOU hear OF that man who mar
riel two women in one day !" asked Jones
at the tea-table the other evening. "ISn't
it awfulW exclaimed Mrs. Brown. DO
tell lis all about it, Mr.. JONES'" ooh there
isn't mucD 10 tel" replied Jones "IOu
know him we'll" II know him! Tho viii
liam y shrieked Mrs. Brown. "Oon't say
that, ma'am," said Jones soothingly, "don't
say that. it was the Rev. Mr.. smith, your
beloved pastor, and he wouldn't like to
hear you talk 50 about him. And, blythe
by, he married the women to as two likely
young fellows us there are in town. Mrs.
Brown says she never could bear that
Jones.
CHOW, children, she continued, "what is
the meal you eat in the morning called"
"Oatmeal,' promptly replied a member of
the class.
IT was a son of Erin who asked the
meeting to excuse him from serving on a
committee because he expected to be unex-
pectedly called away.
ONE tailor said to another, "Why didn't
YOU trust Colonel Cox tor a suit of clOthesf"
because l didn't know him. But why
didn't You trust him 7" "Because | did
know him"
"WHAT is a house without a baby 7" ask
ed a lady writer, and an old bachelor editor
replied-"It is comparatively quiet!"
"YoU don't mean to send us across the
river in that horrid old boat with that lit
tie boy ~ otis all right num-. Sure,
an the by can shwim like a dock"
From DongOla 30 Wady Halfa by
Camel.