Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-12-03
PLEASANTRIES.

WHEN you arrive at the hotel office
always smile pleasantly and say, "Can l
get room here?'' If you didn't say
this the clerks might think you were
peddler.-[ Hotel Mail.
WE are very much obliged to the
teacher who informs us that a map is
hanging in a school room drawn by a
boy seven feet long and four and half
feet wide Providence News.
REsPECFABLE folks in New York pro-
test against the Importation of British
pugilists, who only come here to violate
the laws and break the peace. Their cry
is: "The English sparrer must go."-
Philadelphia Record.
PATRICK SARsFIELD GILMORE, who
furnished the music for the Louisville
exposition, has been presented by the
ladies' OF that city with handsome
bronze clock, possibly as hint to keep
good time in his orchestra.
A SCIENTIFIC paper says that the hu-
man foot weighs two and a half pounds.
There are young men IN this communl-
ty who, Judging from the savage looks
on the faces of their girls fathers, will.
soon certify that the human foot weighs
a ton.
In breach of promise case in New
York the plaintiff was offered 5000 to
compromise. 1.-TWO hundred dollarsl"
she exclaimed; $4,000 for a broken
heart ruined hopes and blasted life;
5000 for all this? No; make it $500
and it's bargain"
81 SEE you've got a colored servant
7 i 10 h0 or
day. "Yes," was the reply. "You see
my wife's sister has just lost her hus-
band so, as we had to go into mourn
ing, we discharged our white girl and
hired colored one. She harmonizes
with the mourning, as it were
"THERE is a customer in the store
who wants pound of arsenic" said
drug clerk, entering the private Office
of the proprietor. "Did he say what
he wanted it for?" "No, sir" "WeD,
let him have it but charge him double
price. We can't be too careful IN sell
ing arsenic. . brakes Travellers Mag
azine.
OLD TIM borrowed the Governors
saddle, and after keeping it several
months refused to return it. why don't
you return my saddle" asked the Gov
ernor. "I'se had it four months, sab,
am" "That makes no difference"
Don't it? Wall, I'll keep it longer if it
doan' make make no difference. Good
day, sah."
An ingenious reckoner is woman
who did job of work for College
Street housekeeper this week. She
was to be paid % cents an hour, and
had worked three-quarters of an hour.
This is how she did her figuring:
"One-half of 25 is Is. One-half of 13
isl. You owe me 20 cents missus. y
Lewiston Journal.
"MY dear boy, do you knaw I've got
a beastly cold?' "How did you catch
it, old fellah?" "Lawst evening I
drank glawss Of wine, don't you knaw,
and sat to neah the waitah when he
opened the bottle, don't you knaw.
The dwaft caused by the cork flying
through the air was too much for me,
you knaw."- Cincinnati Enquirer.
Nor long ago gang of italian rail
road laborers were cut down 10 cents
day. Did they strike? Oh, no, they
simply cut an inch off their shovels at
night. And when the "boss" asked
what it meant, one of the men replied,
"Not so much pay not so much dirt lift;
all right, the job last the more long.
italian no fool, he no strike. "-[ New
York Tribune.
MANAGING EDIToR-"I say, Jenkins,
that is the best column of society gossip
we have ever had" Jenkins Thank
you, sir" "How did you manage to
collar it all? "Oh, I've just caught on
to the boss racket for that business"
"What's that?' "Made mash on the
telephone girl" "Good boy; we'll
have to increase your fried oyster fund"
i Georgia Cracker.
Il HAD the hiccoughs in Louisville
once for over a week" remarked the
colonel. @Did you do anything for
them ?" "Well, I should say I did. I
tried vinegar, whisky, port wine, and
put whole bunch of keys down my
back" "Why didn't you try some
water! That's sure cure" @Water?"
responded the Colonel. Why, GER
tainly Ibid. I pathed every day."-LNew
York Graphic.
"A READER" contributes the follow
ing: The small boy of the family was
invited to amuse the baby after tea one
night, but objected to so doing on the
ground that he had some writing to do
for school. "What have you to writer
was asked. well, I've got to write
history of the United States-I think it
is the United States or the world, or
something; but it won't take long; I'll
be through in 20 minutes" > Buffalo
Commercial.
HUSBAND (reading from Scott -"Not
one in twenty marries the first love.
How was it In your case my dear?"
Wife-"How was it in your case?"
Husband-"You must make the first
confession-don't answer like Parrot
by asking me the same question" Wife
."Well, here's the honest truth. If
you married your first love, | married
my first. If you didn't, / didn't
Nashville World.
GUEsr-"What are wages for walters