The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1884-12-24
or the NEWS
A Telephone Conversation.

HAl uhteu gb6L DelOEe tue lubtEuueut
and listened First there was q whispering
noise like the clipping of scissors in brown
paper and then heard a dull ''cl-ick" like
the scratching Of a sulpher match on ones
pant-leg Then said:
"Hello,"
And in the tone Of a mocking echo the
other fellow sent back
"Hello."
"Is that Cincinnati ?"
eyes. What's that ?"
"Hillsboro."
"Who's talking?"
"Why there's lots of people talking.
Everybody talks up here"
"But who are youY
"Melchizedech Poniatowsld"
"Ah indeed! Good morning Mr.-Mr.
Pon-derous name! Hope you are Welt"
"Yes-thank you. The whole family is
but my grandmother. She's down with
oholer infantum. Been a confirmed inva-
lid for nineteen years. Doctors say she
can never recover or"
'Did she ever try Burby's Hver-pad?"
ooh don't bother me? Her name is
Maria Jane Mehitable studebaker Brady.
That was her name before she was married.
She had red hair and blue eyes and a mole
on her left cheek. She was only
'Did she have a corn on the little toe of
her right foot2"
81 haven't time to give details. She was
married in May, 1496. She wore a moose
oolored velvet with gauze lambrequins sus-
pended from the waist and buttened down
at the side-pockets with Kinsington en-
broidery. Sleeves reached to the elbows
and opened out like pair Of game bags
Dress was made with a basque. Point-lace
collar three inches wide with lapels Of
tapestry hauled aft and lashed to the cap
stan bar Of the breast-pin with a torchlight
procession Of solid gold beads. Chenille
edging along the back seam Of the over
skirt and an irregular windrow Of it across
the shoulder-blades. Whole outfit war
ranted not to rip, tear, bust nor come un-
pinned. Hair done up in a net because
hair pins were not invented. My grand
father waB a sixth mate on the Erie canal'-
"Oh sny-never mind your grandfather's
pedigree and biography. You've lost your
key, haven't you?"
"What key?"
The one you was wound up with"
''I don't know-wait e minute"
"What are you doing2"
"Hunting for that key"
ooh Pm in a hurry. What do you want
anyhow"
81 want a box of round-headed carpet
tacks ! Of an inohlong with bevelled edges.
Got 'em ?"
'This is a Telephone Exchange"
"Well-suPpose it is"
"Well we don't keep carpet tacks."
, Cant you order a Car-load?"
''I suppose I could but I'm not going to.
Is that all you want"
mo; don't be impatient. want TO ask
you something else. Do you know what O
panorama is?"
eyes; what about itV
ooh nothing. guess that's too long il
you're in hurry Do you want to buy q
job lot Of Cincinnati Ezpositions at hall
price ?"
'Fot to-day believe. Have you got an
Iasylum up there ?"
! "A what2"
can asylum"
"This is Telephone Exchange and we
don't keep EN-"
"Well haven't you got one in town."
j 'I don't know, but think they hav,
, them at seyberts. Do you want one?n
( ''If you have nothing to say take you
mouth away from there and ring Of"
"But amt saying all the time? d.
you believe Jonah swallowed the whale p
''No; the whale swallowed Jonah"
''Thars what meant to say. Do yoy
believe it ?"
4. "Why, my goodness, Of course I do
What in the jeiune batter cakes'-
"Wel do you think he could have swal
g lowed Joe GreenReld?"
: 'Who is Joe Greenfield ?"
''None Of your business. Did your hea
that about JupiteE|
''Whatd you say?n
"Did you hear that about Jupiter ~
y Squeak squeak squeak!
3 whats She matter there ?"
Squeak squeak squeak
"Say; tap on that transmitter."
Sqsakl squeak squeak
'I tell you to tap on that trnnsmittai
n Shake it,"
]. A pause All silent except an intsrmi
tent squeaking noise like a snappinP-beeu
treed in a goose-quill, Then came
mufied crash like lovers parting kiss
the front gate. tried him again.
e. ''I sayl hello-hello-hel
ut hellohellohello NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
D. -.HEL-LO-uEL"-
IN uWhatgn
It 'rWheTe have you been ell summerT
5e 'I knocked tho whole front door in
that instrument and am using another on
What did you want to shoot of about J
y" piteF ?"
''she's got another moon"
'But Jupiter amt a sis."
nv well she's got the noon all the sam,
'Jupitsr is a s though"
W. W. 'Well he then. wasn't talking abe