davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
Siege of Vicksburg Incidents.

During the siege of Vicksburg many
amusing incidents occurred. A few
will be recounted:
One of our soldiers, an Irishman.
was on guard one night in the front
trenches. These advanced trenches
ran so near the enemy's line that the
picket guards could at night, when it
was still, talk across from their rifle
pits. Pat was easily annoyed, which
the rebel guards discovering, COM
menced Safeguarding him. After
plaguing hun about other matters they
began to tease him about the worthless
ness of the shells fired from the Union
mortars on the gunboats. As a rule it
must be admitted that these shells did
no great damage. Among other things
the rebels told Pat that "the only harm
the shells have yet done is to kill two
mules and lame one old woman" Just
then through some strange accident a
shell happened to come from the river
dropping and bursting among Pats
tormentors, iniuring two or three and
causing the balance to scamper for
dear life. Ere the sound of the burst
ing shell had died away the shrill voice
of Pat was heard crying: There. We
internal cusses, put that in yer haver-
sack and chaw it, will We, We bla herring
blackguards."
Another about the mortar shells is
this: When Gen. Bowen, the Confed-
crate officer, first came out under flag
of truce, on the Sd of July, to treat for
terms of surrender, he suggested that
hostilities cease during the negotiations.
The Union officers readily acquiesced,
but mentioned the difficulty of getting
orders to the gunboats in time. "Oh,
well. he replied, that is of no conse-
quence; never mind the gunboats; they
never harm us any"
One day, toward the end of the siege,
one of the Confederates cried out to
our soldiers, saying, @We are going to
have new General" "Ah, indeed"
was the reply, "and who is he?" @Gen-
eral Starvation" coolly replied the
comical Confederate soldier To APP
preciate this it should be remembered
that the rebel soldier was at the time
almost starved; with him it was an
empty-stomach joke Army Life" by
n. O. Marshall
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
Growing Philosophers.

Any philosophy which hopes for other
than misery and disgust in life must in
deed seem strange doctrine to teachers
such as these-even as the smiles of the
cheerful seem unmeaning and offensive
to those whose souls are overcast with
gloom and discomfort. Sir Walter Scott
tells story of his childhood which
we'll illustrates the unreasoning hatred
felt by the Everlasting Growl school for
the doctrine that conduct should be d.
rected to the increase of happiness.
One day, his healthy young appetite
made him enjoy very heartily the brose
or porridge of the family breakfast.
Unluckily, he was tempted to say aloud
how good he found his food. His father
at once ordered pint of cold water to
be thrown in. to spoil the taste of it!
Possibly he meant to inculcate what he
regarded as high moral habit; but
rather more probably Mr.. Walter Scott,
Sem, objected to his sons enjoying what
he had no taste for himself. Much of
the sourness of the Growi Philosophy
may be thus interpreted. From '.THe
Morality Of Happiness, by Thomas Eos
ter, IN Popular Science Monthly for AprH.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27

Whether the United States are to re-
gain their former pre-eminent rank as a
commercial and naval power on the
seas, is question that no American can
contemplate with indifference. The SUBJ
ject is discussed with marked ability in
the North American Review for April,
by the Hon. Nelson Dingley, M. C..who
opposes the project of admitting foreign
built ships to American register, and by
Capt. John Goldman, who is well known
as a jealous advocate OF that measure.
Judge j. A. Jameson, in the same num-
Der of the Review, discusses the ques-
ton, shall Our Civilization be Pre-
served, pointing out the means that
are at hand for withstanding the various
agencies, physical, moral and intellec-
tual, which threaten to overturn our
existing civil and social institutions.
The Rev. DR.. Philip Schaff gives a
sketch of the development of Religi-
GUS Freedom" DIR. Felix L. Oswald
writes of Changes in the Climate of
North America" with special reference
to the increasing frequency of disas-
trous floods. Prof. c. A. Eggert offers
"A Plea for Modern Languages" in the
higher education; and Julian Hawthorne
discourses of Literature for Children. :"
Finally, there is discussion of Recent
Criticisms of the Bible" by the Rev.
DIR. r. Heber Newton and the Rev. A.
G. Mortimer
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
Shooting of Horses.

AT the last meeting of the American
Street Railway association, the follow.
ing was reported ON the above subject
The hoof of the horse in its natural
state is adapted only to the soft and
yielding soil; and so when we wish te
put them to practical use upon common
roads and paved streets, it becomes
necessary to protect the foot from the
unnatural wear they become subjected
to- The practice of protecting the
hoof IN some manner dates back fol-
centuries, and from the rude devices
thcn used we have come down to the
present day, in which many forms OF
shoes are made, all of which have their
claims to superiority. In selecting the
shoe the kind of foot should be con.
sldered; but as rule, in our iudg-
ment, fiat shoe that will leave the foot
In the most natural state, allowing the
frog to receive a portion of the weight OF
blow, is preferable, particularly for the
forward foot; the natural formation of
the frog being of soft, spongy growth
with elastic properties, would seem to
be made for that purpose. AS rule,
NACNPNo NO4Ai4tiS lLtoJl 1iOIl tllt pasture
have sound and healthy feet with
broad frogs, and we should so adapt
the shoe as to retain the natural forma
ton as near as possible. Too much
care cannot be used in preparing the
foot for the shoe. The frog should
never be cut; the shell requires more
or less cutting. The shoe should al
ways be fitted to the foot and not the
foot to the shoe, as is often done.
Corns, the most prevailing disease we
have to contend with, appear in the
angle of the foot near the heel; and
are caused by the shoe not being con-
caved enough, or allowing them to re-
main on long enough for the shoe to
become imbedded into the heel, and is
often the result of unskillful shoeing.
Moisture we believe to be essential to
the preservation of the foot The rail.
road horse stands on the floor about
twenty hours of the twenty-four, and
consequently the feet get very dry :;
therefore we would recommend the APP
plication of water frequently, not only
to supply the natural moisture but for
cleanliness. In shoeing the horse the
workman should bear in mind that he
IS protecting the foot from the unnat-
ural wear, and that it is only for that
purpose; therefore all prejudice as to
opinions of how it should be done
should be laid aside. The horse COM
mences life with sound feet, but too
many of them are ruined by lnskillful
shoeing, and thus brought to compare
tive uselessness ut time of life when
they should be in tie prime of their
power.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
Mormon Saints and Christian Gentiles.

Special Correspondence to THE HERALD.
Mormonism is not only moral and
religious question, but has become
prominent political question also, and
for this reason, demands the attention
of every citizen and voter For long
series of nights the doctrines of this re-
markable church have been holly dis
cussed pro and con by Prof. Clark
Braden, authorof "'Ingersoll Unmasked''
and Bishop E. L. Kelley, at Kirkland,
Ohio. The entire creed and history of
this strange sect have been thoroughly
discussed, the sessions being held in the
old Mormon Temple, the original rem
devious of Joe Smith and his disciples
Kelley claimed that Joe Smith was
seer, that subsequent events have proven
his prophecies true, that he foretold cy-
clones, the like of which, he says, were
never known until within few years,
that he prophesied that his own name
would become known among all the ma
and reviled. He also claimed that poly
gamy was great sin and was heresy
in the Mormon Church. But Braden
made it plain on the other hand, that
the Book of Mormon was originally The
Spalding manuscript, stolen by Rigdon
and recast by himself, Smith and others;
the book contains the ideas and language
of authors who lived long after the time
it was supposed to have been written.
Smith was an imposter and claimed
what he called celestial marriage to be
revelation. from God. This is the
foundation of polygamy, and the claim
of Smiths apostles, that in this instance
he was inspired by the devil, avails
nothing. Braden is keen reasoner
and shows up striking inconsistencies
in his opponents creed, which is SO I'M
profitable belief that it has no reason
able excuse for existence. Although
Kelley is plausible and earnest speaker,
his efforts are entirely overcome by the
powerful logic of his opponent. But
the Mormon church will continue to
grow and polygamy will flourish in the
land, until this creed, which is the foun-
dation of the church, is successfully
overturned Unless the people investi-
gate. it win avail little to hedge in this
so called church with legislative restric-
ton. and strip from its members the
perogative of citizenship. REX.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
Artemus Wards BOyhO0d.

ArtemuS' father died when the boy
was about Is years old, and, as the
family circumstances were somewhat
limited thereby, he was apprenticed to
Mr.. J. M. Rix, who published the Coos
Democrat, at Lancaster, N. FL. The
stage line to Lancaster ran by the
Brown homestead, and the drivers were
not unfamiliar with the ability of the
future genial Snowman" in the way of
practical jokes. They knew how he or.
ganized shows, wherein his fathers red
cow, with coat sleeve stuffed full of
hay hanging from her nose, served as
the elephant, upon which innocent
country youth were invited to ride, with
startling results. They knew, too, how
old Deacon Hale's white horse had been
induced to wander away for miles fol-
lowing tempting bit of hay, hung just
beyond reach by means of lath
strapped to the horses neck.
There was an endless series of pranks
gotten up by the boy to mystify the vii
layers in general and his mother in par
ticular, and all these were well known
to the stage drivers. So when the
young humorist started for Lancaster,
eager to know as much as possible
about his future residence, the veteran
driver, Steve Seary, having previously
conspired with the boys in Rix's office
to give young Brown a fitting recep-
ton, assured him that Mr. Rix was
pious man, and that his hands were, if
anything, more pious than he, and that
the sooner the would-be apprentice
crammed on the catechism the better
Charles listened dolefully. 1t was late
at night when the stage reached Lam
caster, and in the morning young Brown
hied himself to the Office. The force"
consisted of Journeyman and an APP
prentice named Smith. They received
him solemnly. The journeyman hand
ed him Bible and made him read a
chapter, after which he was examined
on the catechism. His ignorance was
commented on, but he was permitted
to go to work. At noon a similar per-
Torrance was enacted, while an intense
gloom rested on the Office during the
day. The next morning Charles went
to the Office resolved to run away at the
end of the week, but, on looking about,
failed to find his ellow-craftsmen. Fur
Their search revealed them under the
garnet stairs too intoxicated to walk.
Young Brown was so angry over the
sell that he wrote q note to the driver
threatening vengeance, which was never
carried out.
Browns fame as a humorist was a
surprise to all who knew him, and even
to himself. A greater surprise to his
kinfolk now is the interest still mani
tested in the dead merry-maker and his
work. They thought that all attention
would cease with his life, but every
year the number Of people who visit
Waterford to see his mother-now al
most so years old-increases.- Water
ford (Me.) Cor. Neto York Sun.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
VISIONS OF JIM-JAMS.
The Experience of Man Who Deliber-
ately Quits business and Gets Drunk


ately Quits business and Gets Drunk.
"The warnings some drinking men
receive are very strange said the old
est of our party. II know several men
who are spreers who have warnings,
generally visions more or less horrible.
but invariably the same, when they
approach the wall behind which the
iim-iams Turk. Probably the most
striking case is that of a gentleman
who inherited his diseased craving for
alcohol. He will not drink, it may be.
for year. Then he will put his bust
ness in such shape that he can leave
it for few days, and deliberately get
drunk. For two days he devotes his
energies to getting drunk, and staying
drunk. He Is not of the least trouble
to any one when he is drinking. He
shuts. himself up in his room and
drinks alone. In two days he will
drink gallon of the best sour mash
bourbon whisky money can buy. He
always begins drinking in the evening.
The third evening he goes 10 bed in
beastly state of intoxication.
AT about midnight his vision comes
to him. He dreams that he went to
bed and slept soundly until awakened
by hard, white Pickering light. He
lies awake wondering what causes the
light, and hears loud knock at his
bedroom door. Come ini" he cries.
The door is thrown wide open, and a
man who has been freshly fayed stalks
in. The fayed man smile, IN CHASTITY
manner and mods in friendly recogni-
ton. The flesh is gone from his
mouth. His teeth grin mockingly. He
stations himself opposite the bed and
leans against the wall, his shoulders
making bloody raark whore he leans.
His lidless eyes roll, and his tongue
Tolls. The bedroom door remains open.
My friend looks out of the door into
the street. There he sees long col
umn of fayed men marching rapidly
down the road. Stragglers drop out
from the column and enter his room.
when ten men have entered the
bedroom door closes. The fayed men,
who are covered with fresh blood, walk
silently round the room looking at
him. They point their bloody fingers
at him. At signal from the man who
| first entered they all march out. Pres
emily they return, each carrying a
fayed and bloody corpse. The blood
has dried on the live men while they
| were absent, and it flakes from them as
they re-enter the room with their
| CHASTITY burdens. The corpses are
placed on the floor in row, side by
side. At signal from the leader of
the skinless horrors they straddle the
dead bodies, and, bending over, grasp
them around their waists. Then,
Strengthening up with the legs of the
dead men between their own; they
move around the room in weird
lance, now advancing, now retreating,
then circling around the bed, and al
ways leering and grinning at my friend.
After desperate efforts he awakens,
and the vision disappears. 1t is his
warning to quit drinking, and he heeds
it, too. Frank Wilkeson, in New
York Sun.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
District Representation.

Like all other questions in which the
people are interested, that of district
representation has its arguments pro
and cou. The call issued for the
State Republican convention leaves the
matter of selecting district delegates so
that they can be chosen at conventions
called in each district, or at the state
convention. No doubt this was for the
pr pose of saving the trouble to the
electors of calling extra conventions.
In some eases, Il Las been the practice
where delegates were to be elected, that
at State convention the delegates from
each district would get together and
select their men, and the names thus
selected would be handed in to the State
convention, and that body go through
the form of eleeting them. 1t is the
easiest way possible TO select delegates;
but is 1t the best way? Delegates Of the
people should be selected by the peoI lie,
and the work would be the more perfect
the nearer the people IL were accom-
plished. The HERALD takes the posi-
ton of district convention, and really
hopes the committee will call one for
the purpose of sending delegates to the
National convention. 1t would have
been just the thing TO have had the call
made in connection with that of the
Congressional nominating convention;
not on the same day, but included in
the call. However, the work OF issuing
a call is not laborious, and the commit
Zee will no doubt issue it in due time.
The object of district convention is
that the electors, when sending dele
gates thereto, can have much better
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
Ancient Justice.

Picking up Gustave Dore's wonderful
Illustrations of Dante's Inferno one is
struck with the fiendish cruelty and
grotesqueness of some of the tortures
perpetrated upon suffering humanity
eXiled to the internal shades. One cal
hardly imagine such conceptions ema-
mating from the mind of man. Yet,
Dante undoubtedly drew most of his in
SEPARATION from the refined barbarity of
the middle ages. The punishment of
criminals in medieval times is matter
of history. The following is extracted
from an old German code of laws and is
the penalty of illegal coming: SHOULD
a coiner oe caught in the act, then let
him be stewed in pan, or a caldron,
half an ell deep for the body, so that
the man may be bound to pole, which
shall be passed through the rings of
the caldron, and which shall be tightly
strapped and bound to upright posts on
either side, and thus he shall be made
to stew in oil and wine"
Instances where mem were boiled to
death for the offense Of coming occurred
in the years 1929, 1859, 1471. In the
reign of good Queen Elizabeth the
royal lady whose big ruff, red head, and
bad temper have made her proverbial "a
certain Margaret Clitheroe was pressed
to death for harboring Jesuits and hear
ing mass. She refused to plead to the in
dictment, and the punishment in those
days for the obstinate was. as the ls.w
directed, "by being laid upon the back
on the ground and as much weight aid
upon the accused as he or she can bear.
and that the accused shall 50 continue
for three days, and should he or she
still refuse to plead, then to be pressed
to death, the hands and feet tied to a
post and a sharp stone set under the
back"
Ordinances against shrews are as old
as the world. A law in force at bort
mund in Westphalia, A. d. 134S. pre-
scribed that IF two women quarrel so
as to come to blows, and at the same
time use abusive language, they shall
be required to carry the whole length
of the town, along the High street, two
stones, weighing together 100 pounds,
attached to chains. The first woman
shall carry them from the east gate to
the west gate, whilst the second goads
her on with needle fastened to the
end of stick. The second is then to
take the stones upon her shoulders and
to carry them back to the east gate, the
first applying the same stimulus.
Hanging like funeral pail over the
middle ages is the black smoke arising
from the charred remains of the unfort-
unate ones burned at the stake for the
crime of witchcraft Demonism and
witchcraft are terrible and bloody stains
upon the parchment records of the
olden-time courts
In France, Germany and England
thousands of unfortunates were tried
for witchcraft and burned at the stake.
baltimore Day.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
A Butchers Life Work.

"How many cuts are there in a carcass
of beef?"
THAT depends upon the way it is di-
vided. If the loins are used for roasts
instead of steaks, there are not nearly
SO many cuts. / would say that in one
carcass of beef we will make from LOG
to 125 cuts through and through. A
fair average would be III cuts"
With this information the reporter
resorted to arithmetic. The butcher
has worked at the block for thirty years.
Taking 800 as the average number OF
days in which he worked in each year,
the total would be 5000 days. If on
each day two carcasses and half were
cut up the total number of carcasses
would be %, 500. The bones sawed will
average two inches. There being TIC
cuts in each animal, or an aggregate OF
2,473,0 it is seen that MIR. Battersby
has sawed 4,950,00O inches of bone.
Reduced to feet the total is 412, 200,
which is equivalent to seventy-eighi
miles and one tenth. Therefore. in
thirty years the butcher has sawed
through bones which would cover that
distance. Albany Journal.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27

Whatever may have been the failures
of Edward Payson Weston on the saw
dust ring, he deserves some sort of
credit for covering more ground straight
away than any other pedestrian. His
1,200-mile walk from Portland, Me-, to
Chicago, was virtually the beginning of
pedestrianism in this country. He has
now in England successfully completed
5000 miles in 100 days, under the aus
pices of the temperance people, who
employed him to disseminate their prin-
ciples, and at the same time TO Illustrate
that observation-disclosures is greater when
stimulants are not used.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-03-27
BROWN AS A COIN DETECTOR.
How Some Bank Officers Managed to Rid
Themselves of a inafer

utfhsStfcs "a Audfef.
is that good half dollar?" asked a
gentleman of friend, as they entered
Dearborn street cigar store. Tic
coin had all the advertisements of =
spurious piece. 1t looked like lead.
felt greasy and sounded dead whom
thrown on the counter.
Without waiting for an answer the
gentleman said: Il had some fun once
with one of these pieces. l was clerk
ing once IN bank at Aurora, good
many years ago, and there was man
whom | will call Brown. since he il
not here to defend himself, who used
to loaf about the bank and stick his
nose In eyerybody's business. He was
? dreadful bore, always getting off silly
little practical jokes on others, but
never tolerant of the slightest joke on
himself. One day Mr.. Bradley. the
cashier, and Mr. Rand, who has since
been Mayor of Minneapolis, fixed up
Job. l was to go out and pretend to
make a collection, bringing back one of
these half dollars, which had been pro-
yided. / went, and when | returned I
banded the money over the counter to
Mr.. Bradley.
Here, said he, holding up the bad
looking coin, what kind of money do
you call this2'
AT this Brown jumped up, as we
thought he would, and, looking ut the
coin, began to laugh at me and jeer mo
for not knowing more than to take so
bad counterfeit as that
Il said thought it was good money.
Brown said l was a fool. Then Mr..
Rand came up and agreed with me.
Well, said Brown, I'm ashamed
Of you, Rand. A man that has handled
millions and millions, as you have,
ought to know just a little something
about money
" I do said Mr.. Rand, and that is
Why | say this is good piece
I'd bet 1000 it isn't good money
said Brown.
All right said Mr.. Rand, taking
up a pen and writing a check for the
smoun , 4 take the bet
Boz checks were written, wher
Brown asked, who is to decide?'
You may, replied Mr. Rand, peel
Ing off the thin tin-foil with which the
good coin had been carefully covered.
Brown was the maddest man / ever
saw. oh, how he ripped and swore.
lie called us a set of thieves who had
conspired to rob him, and said he
would rather leave his money on the
bar of beer saloon than trust it to our
keeping any longer. AS he went out
the door he slammed it spitefully, and
walked toward another bank. He re-
pented, however, and left his money
with us, simply because he knew it was
iudicious from a financial point of view.
in few days he learned that sMr.
Rand never had any idea of keeping
his 81 600; but for three or four months
he did not loaf about the bank. Then
he fell back into his old habits, and we
played another trick on him. 1t looked
like the same trick, and Brown was
glad to play the part Mr.. Rand had
played before. But this time it was re-
ally a counterfeit half-dollar covered
with the tin-foil. The rage that fol-
lowed Browns discovery of this second
trick on him was a lasting one. He
never came into the bank except on mr.
gent business after that, and then he
was very short with us, and never
smiled" -E