The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1884-07-09
Pastime Paragraphs,

RaStlme kaEaSEapns'
An Ohio newspaper speaks of man
| being bruised by the emphatic gesture Of
mule.
/ .Waguer's music sounds like Cincin
natl riot on tin roof chased bya Gatine
!. gun.
What is laughter? asked a scientist
lit is the sound that you hear when youi
i hat blovsoff "a
The Caterer SAYS that late suppers are
/ not bad when properly eaten. Ofcourse
not. The suppers are good enough.
They are good, in fact. Its the dyspepsia
that's bad.
Most married women think bachelors
ought to be taxed. Most bachelors who
90 into society at all are taxed pretty
heavily.
oWaiter, | saw your thumb in this
soup as you were bringing It to me !;
f"Oh, you're kind, I'm sure sir, but it's
ofno consequence. 1t twasn't hot enough
to hurt much, sir.
"That, sir, is desert" said the waiter
to a stranger who was about to reach
for something on the table. don't
| care if it is a wilderness" was the an
swer, "Tm going to eat it all the same. "
An Irish Judge had habit of begging
pardon ON every occasion. One day, as
he was about to leave the bench, an oti-
Ger of the court reminded him that he
had not passed sentence of death on one
of the criminals, as he had intended,
"Dear mep' said his lordship, 81 beg his
pardon-bring him up"
People complain of the hot weather.
We don't see why. When we wake up
every morning there is ice on our side
walk.
An exchange tells its readers how to
skim milk. In cities one good way is to
let the chalk settle and then drain the
water off.
A Young couple got married and went
off to Augusta on tour, and the fellow
stuck his fork in Goldfish ball and took 9
bite. He choked it down like hero
and when his beloved asked him what
was the matter, replied: "Don't say any
thing about it Mandy, but as sure as you
are born there is something dead in the
bread"
81 don't see why you are so particular
about your hair" said churlish hus-
band; II don't suppose Eve ever wore
bangs" II don't suppose she did, re-
piled the wife with quiet smile, but
/ then there was nobody in the world but
her husband to admire her." The hus-
band became very thoughtful.
Old Josh Morgan went to a concert
the other night, having heard people
rave over Wagner's music. lie SAT
throughout the entertainment without
exhibiting any sign of emotion, fol
which he deserves credit, and when the
curtain went down he seemed surprised
When he came away some one asked
him how he liked the concert
"It didn't seem to come off" he replied
at took 'em so long to tune up that they
didn't have time to give us any music :
Delighted young husband-"What {
treasure you are, my love. / thought
YOU were so bound up in music anc
painting and embroidery and such thing'
that you would not think of giving at
tention to such unpoetic things as meals
but here you have one of the most deli
cious plum puddings ! have ever eaten
"Blushing.bride-" do not forget that
you always liked nice things" "But
getting me such a delicacy must have
taken YOU considerable timer "Well
it did; but that was because neither
Bridget nor l knew how to get it open"
"Get what open, love?" "Why the can
the pudding came in"
Just before a famous battle a Con
federate soldier discovered an old man
kneeling by a log praying. "Oh, Lord, ,
"have mercy on the Federals this day,
"Get up from there" exclaimed the sol
dier, "got no better sense than to come
around here praying for those Yam
keesP The old man looked up and re
quested to be let alone. The soldier
demanded that the prayer should be dis
continued. Just then an officer called
the soldier and said: "Why in thunder
don't you letthat man alone. Don't yor
know him?" "No, who is heT Stone
wall Jackson"
A woman stood at the front gait
watching her neighbor' sdog coming run
ming down the street with kettle tied t
his tail Presently the owner of the do
: | scurried by in hot pursuit whereupon the
= the woman at the gate laughed gleeful
unneighborly laugh. Then little bo
rounded the corner with bright innc
, cent look upon his face, as who woul
say: Lannon'S an -errand- -for-my- -dear-m
/, so-don't-detain-me." He stopped an
, said to the woman at the gate: "Wha
are YOU laughing at? She replied wit
! hllarity: 'EPm laughing at old Bullrag'
! dog with kettle tied to his tail" It
|, awful funny, ain tY' the little boy sal
, as he hurried on. "The kettle is your'n.
: Then the woman at the gate suddenl
; stopped laughing.
}, A clergyman married a lsdy wit
+ whom he received a substantial dowr
+ of $4,000 and a fair prospect of NOR
It Soon afterwards, while occupying th
|. pulpit he gave out hymn, read fou
f stanzas and was reading the fifth,
l. Forever let my grateful heart
n His bonndless grace adore,
7. when he'hesitated and exclaimed. "Ahel
u the choir will omit the fifth verse,
!, and sat down. The congregation a
e tracted by his apparent confusion rea
e the remaining lines.
y Which gives ten thousand blessings no
= And bids me hope for more.