The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1884-07-03
HUMOROUS.

uUMOktUSs
The first vehicle ever made-The
whirligig of time.
There is nearly always a hustle in
dry-goods stores,
A trotting match should always be
described in racy manner.
A revenue officer entered the store
of merchant who never advertised,
and arrested him because he kept
till house.
A health journal says you ought to
take three quarters of an hour to your
dinner. Itwould be advisable to add
some meat and vegetables.
Areceipt is going the rounds OF the
press for tanning hides with salt and
alum; but our friend John says his
schoolmaster taught him years ago that
oil of birch was better.
A new article in feminine headgear
is called the frog bonnet The hus-
band is supposed to jump when he
learns the size of the greenback it
takes to purchase one.
A lecturer is travelling through the
West enlightening the people on the
subject of powder" Some one
should suggest to him that powder is
a dangerous subject to throw light
on.
In order to get rid of the smell of
fresh paint in room, place few
slices of onion in the middle OF the
room. Then you will want to get rid
of the smell of the onions; this can be
done by putting on another coat OF
paint.
Said James to his dearest Annette,
"What is it you wish, dearest pet'"
She hung down her head,
And softly she said,
''Vanilla ice cream love, you bet"
In the garden of country house
there happened to be fixed up at differ
ent spots painted boards, with this re-
quest: "Please do not pick the flowers
without leave Some wag got a paint
brush and added an 81 to the last
word
When you see man, whom you
know is unusually healthy, all bent
over as if crippled with rheumatism.
don't jump to the conclusion that he
is suffering with that disease. He
may merely have been digging up the
yard for his wife to plant flowers.
Lady in an intelligence of1ice) -"I
am afraid that little girl won't do for a
nurse. She is too small. l should
hesitate to trust her with baby"
Clerk--"Her size, madam, we look
upon as her greatest recommendation.
When she drops baby it doesn't have
far to fall"
A clergyman, in speaking Of one Of
his Pensioners who was so given to
argument that it was difficult to con-
verse with him on any subject, said:
Brother X is 50 argumentative that
he will dispute with guide post
about the distance to the next town.
and argue with tombstone as to the
truth of its epitaph.'
They were sitting in the front par
lor and he observed that he really
ought to go, as it was getting quite
ate.' No, wait a few minutes longer"
she pleaded. 81 want you to see the
funny little man that brings around
the morning papers. He passes the
house now without looking up at the
| windows"
Raise chickens. If you have nice
little garden, by all means raise chick
ems. Your neighbors' hens are the best
ones to raise. You will find them
from $40 a. IN. until go p. m. on your
lettuce, onion, radish and flower beds
You can raise them higher with shot
gun than anything else.
only name is oleomargarine,
I'm mighty nice 10 handle;
AMI when they want to make me
They milk talow candle"
GLOW many feet are there in yard? 2?
asked lady of a young fellow in
store. ''Sixty-fve,' was the answer.
1t was found, on enquiring, that the
young fellow based .his calculation on
the number of boots that he thought
hit him as he was going out of door
yard where he called upoa girl whose
father had forbidden him the house.
A writer in the Popular Science
Monthly tells of a man claiming that
he was able to recognize an antagonist
who struck him in the dark by means
Of the light emitted from his own eye
as the result of the blow. If this
means of discovery had only been COM
municated to Mr.. William Patterson
it might have saved him years of worry
and vexation, and at the same time