News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-06-12
MUSICAL NOTE.

| MUSICAL NOTE.
Gus De Smith imagines that he is the
best solo singer in Austin, but nobody
else thinks so. Whenever he is present
at social gathering, he bribes some-
body present to call on him for a song,
and then he MARBLES forth a madrigal
that has depressing effect even on the
real estate in that neighborhood. After
performance of this kind few nights
ago, Mrs. McSpillkins, who does not
live happily with her husband, remarked
to Gus, with whom she is quite familiar:
"Oh, how wish my husband could
sing like that"
''Ah r. responded Gus; 'I expect you
would like it. There would be more
harmony in the family"
'It's not that but if he sung like you,
I'd have no trouble getting divorce on
the ground of cruelty and brutal treat
ment."
Then Gus ceased to smile and smirk.
TEXAS SJtiqgs.
HE KICKED.
A farmers mutual insurance company,
doing business in Virginia, had meet
ing of directors the other day, and after
the transaction of routine business, one
of the Board rose up and said:
'T notice among the bills of expense
one for 50 for printing our annual state
ment on 1000 postal cards.
"That's all right, explained the Pres
ident.
''How all right? Don't we employ
secretary at salary of $4OO per
year?"
eyes, and the secretary prepared
the copy and contracted for the print
ing"
81 don't say he didn't, but I'd like to
know what business he had to contract
for any such printing when we furnish
| him pens and ink. 1t was his duty to
write out them cards, sir, and l, for one,
shall kick against any such extraVa-
gance. - Wal Street Neo0S.
TROUBLE EXPECTED.
Struggling Surgeon-"No, dear, L
cannot go calling with you tonight"
His Wife-"But you promised that
you would"
81 know it, dear, but our finances are
very low and 1 must not lose a chance to
get fee."
"But what chance will you lose? No
patients have sent to you for a week
81 know it, dear, but L expect to be
summoned for a very important surgical
case, perhaps a broken leg, before the
evening is over"
"Where to ?"
"Across the way. Mrs. Brown over
there is house cleaning, and L just saw
Mr.. Brown going home with step lad
der. "-PhjLa. CALL
wIFELY HINT.
Mr.. B.-"Here is something in this
paper that you ought to know"
/ Mrs. B.-"What is that ?"
Mr.. B.-''A recipe for getting rid of
rats and mice. It says that wild mint
scattered about the house will soon clear
them out"
Mrs. B.-''Mint? That is what you
are so awfully fond of, isn't it ?"
Mr.. B.-'Well, yes, 1 rather like
: mint. But wonder why it clears out
rats and mice?"
Mrs. B-"Probably when they smell
a the mint they conclude that the man of
q the house is hard drinker, and that
v therefore the cupboard is empty"
Mr. b. changed the snbject.-I7hiSa-
oeozl1/tSoe osz<%.
SPECIAL RATES FOR sPEoULAToRs.
A Brooklyn man who hit wheat for a
few thousand dollars last week rushed
/. around and rented brown-stone front.
and then sought the services of furnl-
ture mover.
s'Ill take it by the job and do the fair
thing by you," replied the mover.
''Weil how fair ?"
'I'u say fifty dollars for the two"
''What two?"
"Why, the moving this week into the
brown.stone, and the moving, in about
month. from that into a cheap frame
house in the suburbs 1 always job the
. two moves together in the case OF gram
h speculator r
HE HAD NO LAWYER.
q Old Dan had used his neighbor's fence
q rs firewood and he was accordingly
brought before the court to answer for
t. the same.
n "Haye YOU any lawyer for defenseY
o asked the Judge as Dan took his place.
;, "No, sor, I hab not, replied the
er negro. "Kase yo' know, iedge, taint de
i, fence what needs lawyer, hit am dis
: po' niggah dat am in fur it; | spec yer
w better pint one for him. m."-CFractn'aatt
as Commercial.
, A SILLY STATEMENT.
in Mrs Blauk-"What silly statement
IN Here is a New York paper saying that
xt large numbers of fashionable ladies have
b. long been doing their own millinery J!
lg Mr.. Blank-"S1ly Well, l should
an say it was.
he "Anybody might know there was nc
y truth in that report.
ew eyes, especially since the receipt o
ew the latest news from New York.
nd s'News, what news ?"
ew s"rhat the husbands of several fashion
"a able ladies have just failed to
om $40, O,OOO,OOO."
,on Talmage's View of the Panic.
TAI '"There is one very mean thing abo'