Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-04-07
BRIGHT BITS.

TIE chemist is the wittiest of men. He is
always ready with retOrt.-Tbe Judge.
WHY is the dishonest coal dealer like a
highwayman: He lies in weight lin watt.
SoLILOoUY of a thief, professionally occu-
pied: my pals have called me bird. So l
am, I'm rObin."-LtJe.
WE think that it is about time to place the
word butter on the retired list as an obsolete
m.-IgdidndpoIts Scissors.
BATTER is the name of a tenor singer IN a
New York church choir He is occasionally
put out by the first bass.-Esehdnge.
WHEN a clothing shop gets on fire some of
the clerks spring over coats and some fall
over coats, and nearly every one pants when
he gets out.
THERE seems to be pretty general impress
sion in political circles to the effect that Mr..
Blaine IS less of historian than of mystori-
an, as it were.-ROchester Post E1Eress.
LITTLE girl in town was trying to tell her
mother how beautifully a certain lady could
trill in singing, and said: "Oh, mamma, you
ought to hear her gargle, she does 1t so
sweetly."
STARTLED owner-'Hey, what are you do
ing there:" ColOred thief who has just fall
len through skylight)-"Ise blown here, boss,
by dat dab dreadful hurricane we had Souf."
Eschange.
LORD COLERIDGE's great grievance is still
going the rounds of the press, but it is hard to
see how he was wounded in the Anderson ad-
vertising war, when he says himself he wasn't
engaged.-Nel0 York World.
CONSTANT READER" inquiries show to
change brown hair for gray" The best way
is to take it back to the store where he bought
1t. If he hasn't used any oil on 1t he viii
probably get an exchange without extra cost
Boston Com. Bulletin.
MARY ANDERSON has made nearly $4,000
durinp her London engagement. IL other
cir fo1fOyV no qY nd y
up something for their future husbands, dur
lug their engagements, there would be fewer
matches broken of.-St. Louis Critic.
at is grounding day again, see." re-
marked the red-headed boarder, casting his
eye over the breakfast table. "WhY, no it
ISN'T contradicted fly telegraph operator
''Then what is that sausage doing therey" re-
joined the red headed boarder.-OH city Der
rick.
DON'T SANDER your next-doOr neghbor.
He may be in impoverished circumstances,
and may have few II any friends. Don't
speak i'll Of any man until you are positive of
the exact amount he can lift, and the nature
of the person when aroused.-Cdrk Pretseps
Weekly.
"DO YOU know what would say h'if were
compelled to choose between being blown
hup by dynamite and reading mothers
book" said the Prince of Wales to his royal
better half. mo, Albert" she replied.
"what would you say?" "Touch hit h'ofI!"
-PhiIadelphia cal.
DOWN in Pennsylvania they have sociables
where you can kiss all the girls you want to
at five cents apiece. Pennsylvania evidently
believes IN keeping down the prices on lux
uries, even if they have to whoOp it up high
on dog taxes and other necessities Of life
BURLINGTON Free Press.
81 WENT down and looked at that house in
Geranium street yesterday, dear" said Mr..
GrimsOnbeak to his wife at breakfast the
other morning. 81 think it IS just the house
that will suit us. In fact, have decided to
purchase It and spend the rest OF my days
there" "Well, Mr.. CrimsOnbeak," replied
the wife, decidedly out of temper, 81 don't
care two straws where you spend the rest of
your days; but what am most interested IN
is where You are going to spend your nights"
Mira Crimsonbeak's temper evidently had not
been sweetened much by her late vigil the
preyiOus night.- Yonkers Statesman.