The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-06-19
WIT AND HUMOR.


heavyweight litter; 'Tve never visited
pawnshop, but l often put up dumb
bells for money"
An eastern paper conveys the in
formation that the spring boils is now
blushing. The assertion was written
in humorous vein.
sBut you are sure she'll accept youP"
/ asked Duffix of Frank, who was about
to ''pop." accept me? You bet she
will! She's like my clothes-ready-
maidr'
! A magazine-writer declares that
/ William Tell never shot an apple off
his sons head.-F0lio. o yes, he did.
| That is where the schutzen core orig
| mated.
Landlady-It's singular but true,
| Mr.. Crossgrain, that all my boarders
remain with me. New Boarder Cat first
| meaD-Too weak to leave, l guess, af-
| ter the first week.
| A poet sends a contribution entitled
| "Why Do l Live?" This is easy to an
swer. 1t is because he sends his con-
| tributions to this office instead of bring
| ing them in person.
When a young girl finds four-leaf
| clover it is sign that she will be mar
ried within year. 1t is strange that
| some families don't hire q farm and
| SOW it all to clover.
An immigrant wagon bearing the
motto. ''In got is our trust" has ex-
cited wide notice in Dakota. The
| judgment of one of the old politicians
of the territory is that the man must
have got lost.
| ''How in the world did they come to
name you SusannahP' asked Mrs. In
terrogation-point. Really, l don't
know how precisely" replied the young
lady, very demurely; "but L suspect it
was because l happened to be a girl"
Don't give me any of your lipr'
said an ugly country school teacher to
a pert young miss who had ''sassed"
| him. ''Oh, you needn't worry" she
retorted. Il would not kiss you even
| if the freckles on your face were gold
| dollars"
1t is said of trimming store clerk
| in Denver, that on seeing party of la
dies approaching him on the street he
dashed into an alley and hid until they
| had passed. He had forgotten his cane
and could not think of meeting the
! party in such nude state.
..Do you use capital or little letters
when writing the name of state?"
asked new reporter. What state is
it?" Rhode Island" Use little
letters, of course-don't crowd the
state" 'But there are two capitals in
Rhode Island" "Ol, ah-ahem-yes,
so there are-but we can't help it. i"
Fipps, who had been lunching with
a friend upon frog legs: Everything
you see is of some use in this world,
even the frog" Friend, who is dispu-
tatious: Il don't agree with you. OF
what use is the mosquito to us?"
Fipps: "Ah! my dear fellow, you take
wrong view of things. Just think
how useful we are to the mosquito -
Boston Gazette.
f; 1t was Shakespeare who remarked:
Better three hours too soon than one
minute too late" Shakespeare never
waited three hours in a rural railway
station on cold night, where dozen
men and boys were smoking vile pipes
and splitting tobacco juice against
| red-hot stove, or he would have said:
Better never than three hours too
soon"
Drug store boy to prescription clerk
Here's prescription. and the man
says he wants 10 know how long it will
take to put it up. Prescription clerk,
| meditatlvely-Let me sect is about
dinner time. Five minutes to 90 over
to dinner, eighteen minutes to eat din
ner, five minutes to get back, and two
/ M n 1NgIt hn
Tell the man it will take about half an
hour to put it up.
81 want a Henry Two Eyes hat"
said she. The assistant, altogether at
fault, replied: IF you will excuse me
moment, l will see if we have it in
stock, " and went away to see if any
body could tell her the shape nearest
to Henry Two Eyes hat. 1t was as
good as Christmas riddle, and wanted
as much pzzling over as a society paper
acrostic, but at last they made it out
that what was required was Henri Ii.
Byron's good sayings have been in
all mems mouths-in the mouths of
some who have claimed them as their
own. Many were admirable puns,
others had better claim to remem-
brance. The last time | met him-a
long time ago-I sat next him at din
ner. 80 Poole, the tailor, is deadr'
remarked our host. Indeed! What
did he die OPP 'Of fit" said Byron
at once; what else could tailor die
OPP
Then you do love me, Eliiahp"
Love you, Elizabeth Ann? Why, |
adore you" land you would do any
thing for me?" 81 would this minute.
Yes, Elizabeth Ann, l would die for
you" Then l will ask for that test
of your love. Get your life insured for
$40, 1000, make the policy payable to
me, and then die" He went off to 90
to the insurance office. That was three
months ago. She hasn't seen him
since, nor has she heard anything of
the insurance policy.
A young member of village debat-
ing society who talked more than half
an hour on the affirmative side of the
question, SIS the world growing bet
| ter?" was as mad as the mischief when
he got ready to go home and found
that some person had carried away his
| new silk umbrella and left a seventy
five cent cotton affair with two broken
ribs in its place. He says if that ques-
ton ever comes up again he wants an
| opportunity to make a few remarks on
the negative side.
The Oxford people are innocent. An
elderly gentleman last week had his
eyes suddenly covered in the streets by
some one behind, who playfully said.
who is it? Guess" He went on
guessing through the rounds of his
friends, when the playful being behind
darted off and left the old man still be-
wildered and thinking who it could be.
He found out when he got home and
missed pocket book with Flo in it;
also a gold repeater and handsome
chain and seals.
DON'T GIVE UP YET.
IT doesn't follow that a patient will die