The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-08-01
B. DEER LODGE, MONTANA, AUGUST T. 1884.
884. WHOLE NO. 7S6.
WHY WE LAUGH.
"No," said the fond mother, ~ am thank
full, indeed, that my son never drinks any
thing, but do wish l could break him of the


full, indeed, that my son never drinks any
thing, but do wish 1 could break him of the
habit Of always eating oves."-Boston Post.
1t is said that Sitting Bull is fond of
canned goods. Some one should send him
can Of nitro-glycerne and a hammer and
cold chisel, and tell him to pitch in and en-
joy himself.-St. Paul Herald.
An Irishman just over frsm tRe old country
on hearing the report Of cannon In the navy
yard at Portsmouth, asked, "Phat Is that ?"
"That is the sunset gum" "Och! Does the
sun always 20 down with such bang in this
country?"
An enterprsing seaside hotel landlord ad-
vertises that the bathing suits worn at his
resort this season are far more shocking than
at any other place on the coast and that no
advance In rates will take Csnsmer-
cial Advertiser.
An eccentric man living on farm on the
edge Of Rhode Island was very averse to
taking life. When asked why he didn't
slaughter his fat pig he replied: ~ haven't
the heart to kill it, for 1t seems so much like
one Of the family."-Harper's Bazor.
General Sherman has paid his extra water
rent in st. Louis, and accompanied the check
with the remark that the city of st. Louis
reminded him very much of the hotel in
Omaha whose proprietor advertised, "Terms
$3.50 per day; board and lodging extra"
Emma Abbott has been singing "Hsme,
Sweet Home," to the convicts In Pennsyl-
vania prison. THIS is almost as touching As
the effort OF q church orgsnist who played
81 Am Pirate King' while the deacon was
taking up the colection.-Detroh Journal.
The last mot of the elder Dumas. He
was on bis deathbed. His old servant, who
adored him, was weeping in a corner. Du-
mas turned his half.closed eyes toward him
and said kindly: "Don't cry, my poor friend !;
If want yen up there will ring for you."
The papers are telling Of a lawyer who
heard "Macbeth" rehearsed and was struck
by the answer Of the witches when asked
what they were doing: "a deed without a
name." "Why, that's void," exclaimed the
lawyer, "I'll burst deed without name in
any court in Christendom."
Rufus Hatch says that constant travel night
and day will cure the dyspepsia. OF late,
dyspepsia seems to have become epidemic
among bank presidents. There Is reason to
fear that If Mr.. Emo Is not liberated at once
his dyspepsia may get the better of him. He
has bad case Of it.-Teras Sittings.
The unintelligibility of a brakenan's call
when announcing a station is provsroial.
The other day, however, one called this sta
ton plain enough. There was a sheriff on
the train with some prisoners for the peni-
tentiary, and upon announcing the arrival
here the brakeman said: "Yuma! Change
clothes; ten years for refreshment "- Yuba
Sentinel.
A police sergeant in Jersey City was boast
ing of the honesty that prevailed in his pre-
cinct. "Why," he said, "you might hang
your gold watch on a lamp post in the even
ing, and find it there still in the morning.
"You don't mean to say nobody would take
the watch?" exclaimed listener. "No;
mean to say nobody would take the lamp
post" said the sergeant.
Q). An humble boy, with shining pail
went gladly singing adown the dale, to
where the COW with the brindle tail on clover
her palate did regale. An humble bee did
gaily sail far over the soft and shadowy vale
to where the boy with the shining pail wa:
milking the COW with brindle tail. e.,
The bee sat down on the cows left ear; hel
heels aew up through the atmosphere-and
through the leaves Of chestnut tree, The
boy scared into eternity.
"What's the matter with the bank ?" de
manded an excited tourist. "Closed," re-
piled the calm citizen. "Whatw exclaimed
the excited one. "Not closed" s'Shut NJ
tighter than wax" asserted the calm one
"Well, that's queer" said the tourist. "No
ten steps away from where we now stand
citizen told nae she was busted wide open,
and now you say she !, shut up tight .
wax What liars some men are" And b.
made an entry In his note book.
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