The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-02-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Christopher Columbus was one of the
first men to ego West"
1t seems strange that no matter how
much gold a man may steal he is only
sent to the penitentiary for the guilt
SVtings.
A Somerville young lady is said to pos
sess mania for starting fires. She will
get over that when she is married. PHIL
adelphia Call.
A little girl in church, after the con,
tribution box had passed, complacently
said: 81 paid for four, mamma Was
that rightF'-Anonymous.
'But," said the serenaded man, 81
must go out and make speech. Some
thing must be done to stop the playing
of that band. "-Bost0n Post.
An exchange says that Noah was the
first pitcher on record. He "pitched the
ark within and without" The game
was finally called on account of the rain.
An Indiana jail-bird recently scraped
off the back of a mirror and swallowed
it. 1t was cold day for him when the
mercury went DISQUALIFICATION Free
Press.
When you see policeman heading a
COW for the pound it's no use to tell him
that there are 10000 900 cows in the
United States. He doesn't want but the
one.-DetrOhFree Press.
A writer in the New York Sun con.
tends that the goose is an older bird than
the American eagle. Our experience
leads to the belief that it is a good deal
tougher. - Troy Times.
The United States has 1924 medical
practitioners to every 10000 of popula
ton. And yet it is quite common
thing for an American to live to a COM
paratively ripe age.-Bostoh Transcript.
81 Climb to rest" is the name of
Lucy Larcom's latest poem. Whence the
inference that her poetry does not pay
enough to permit Miss Larcom to room
on the parlor foor.-RocheSter Eapress.
"Well, sir" said Farmer Furrow to a
friend, 81 was never so insulted in my
life. Why, l was down in Washington
last week and one fellow had the impu-
dence to ask me if wasn't a Congress
man.-NeW York Journal
1t is not so strange that the annexation
of Canada to the United States is not
strongly advocated by men in positions
of public trust. They kind of like to
think that in case anything happens
Canada is a foreign country. -L0ceu
Citizen.
"What influence has the moon upon
the tide2" asked the professor. The
class wag replied that he didn't know
exactly wha, influence it had upon the
tied, but that it had tendency to make
the united awful spoony.-Burlington
Free Press.
"Who is the first lady in the land9"
nervously inquiries contemporary. When
you come to Philadelphia, if you will
slick yourself up little and comb the
burrs out of your hair we will take YOU
up to the house and introduce you to her.
PHILADELPHIA CALL
"Was Early Man a Savage?" asks a
magazine writer. That depends. If the
early man was dressed to catch the A.
NJ. train, and his collar button fell be.
hind the bureau, the probabilities are
that he was as savage as they make 'em.
-NOrriStO1on Herald.
A neat story of the late Baron Roths-
child is told in the French papers. lie
was very busy one morning, when the
Nicomte de l.. p. was admitted into
his office. The baron, absorbed in his
reading, said without lifting his head:
" am at your orders, sir; take chair"
" Pardon me- was the answer, 81 am
the Vicomte de J.. Pr "Ah," said the
baron, not looking up, 8" take two chairs,
then"
A certain member of the Detroit mu-
nicipal government is the possessor of a
splendid growth of beard and long,
dropping mustaches. Recently he dined
away from home, and at the table sat one
of those infants you have all read about
After staring for some time in open as
tonishment at the guest, the interesting
youth roared out at the top of his voice:
MA! ma! he has got mouth; | saw
him put a cracker in itw-DetroH Jour-
nal.
Maid of Texas, ere go,
Tel me if your clock is Slow
For | have a train to catch,
And must quickly raise the latch.
Ere | dart into the night,
Tell me, is YOUR timepiece right
Hark hear the bulldogs bark,
And the night is cold and dark.
Maid of Texas | must git
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