Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1884-09-12
Nasty AT THE corners.
Joe BigIer Seeks an ElOocidation of the
Democratic Platform.

One advantage Nv being dimekrat at
the Corners is we don't change at all. The
banners we marched under i'll 1861 do list
ez well for us now, for we are constantly
fitin the old fife over agin, and alluz will
till deth do part us.
| assoomed the chair and Issaker Gavitt
took the secretary's table, ex-offisho, and
| made the speech ez yoosual.
| commenst an elaborate diseushn NV
the platform of the party, and WIZ gittin
on very well till come to the tariff plank,
when Joe BigIer riz and interrupted me.
| knew the cuss wood do it, and my hart
went down in my boots.
" | beg pardon" said Josef, " for inter
rupting the elokent speaker, and woodent
do it. only | desire to assist him in loosi-
datin the eggsact meenin Nv the PLATFORM
over which | understand ther hez been
sum trouble. IF ther is anything on earth
witch shood be cleer and well defined, so
clear that he who runs may read, II Is the
platform Nv principles NV 4 CRATE party.
1t shood be so cleer that the humblest in
teIleck shood know eggsackly wat is meant
bv it, and wat them witch stand on il pro-
pose to do about it.
To the end Nv hevin plane and cleer
Interpretation Nv this tariff plank, it ok
hurried to me, when l wuz over to Secs
hunyille, to go to the highest authority on
the su6iict, which is Mr.. Barnum, the
chairman Nv the nashnel dimekratic COM
nifty. Ef amy lody on earth ought to
know wat the platform means it is Barnum,
isn't it ~
The meeting all yelled Eyes" when
Josef went on.
Il may ez well menshun that assoomed
the name Nv our esteemed friend lssaker
Gavitt, and telegraphed thus:
To William Barnum. checruan Nv the nashnel
dimocratic commtty.
Does the dimekratic platform meen perfection
or free trade
IssAKEE GAvIrr, Manyoofaktrer.
The answer received wuz entirely
satisfaltry 1t red thus
To Issaker Gavitt. Manyoofaktrer.
The tariff plank in the dimckratic platform
meens tariff reform with IL tendency to the per
teckshun NV Amerikin labor by imposing heeyy
dooties on the manyOofakterers NV the bloatid
Briton. Bare down heavy on the perteckshun
tendency among poor operatives.
W. II. BARSUN, Cheerman.
Issaker. witch hez a small interest in Il
rollin mill, riz to his feet and yelled, 81
knowd it! knowd it! Uv course We want
tariff reform, but the platform is all in the
direkshm NV perteckshun. Hoorayw
81 shood also state" continyood Josef,
that when returned to the Corners |
teiegraphed wunst more to Mr.. Barnum to
be shoor that had not misunderstood him,
only | voosed the name ov our ckall Cs
teemed friend Deekin Program. This wuz
my second dispatch:
Wat IL the cggsact incoming NV the tariff plank
in the dimecrltic platform: ask ez a SlItferin
dimekratic agTicultoorist, in Il farmin seckshun.
DEEKIN SETH POGEAA.
The anscr cum back very promptly:
To Deekin Seth Pogram
The tariff plank in the dimOkratc platform is
entirely explicit Ii mems tariff reform with
an uncomprOmisin lecnin toward free trade and
the right to buy goods in ngand or elsewhere,
wherever 700 can by them the cheapest. Bare
down heavy on the free-trade tendency among
poor oppresst ngricultooral friends.
W. IL. BARNUM, Cheernan.
Il knowd i'll knowd it" shrceked
the good old deellin. lIooray We hey 4
platform witch meens free trade
Sum trouble ensood. lssaker swore that
the dispatch sent to the dcekin wuz bogus,
and the deekin swore that the dispatch
sent to Issaker was bogus, for both he'd he'd
the platform red TO EN-, and they both he'd
constrood it.
Issaker denounced the decbin 81 4 d
ass e.: ''for," sed he, does not Randall Nv
PennSilvany accept the platform, and isn't
he perteckshunist?
d ass, yerself,' retortid the deekin.
q Does not Watterson, and Carlisle. and
Morrison, and Hurd all accept it, and amt
they all rabid free traders
Il, ~. i,
tcrowin mud at each other the meet;n
broke up in row, and Joe Bigler rolled
off latin, remarkin that he wuz sorry for
the disturbance, but he wantid the platform
cleerly defined, and he didn't know how
else 10 git cleer enunshiashn Nv wat it
meant than BY telegratiin the chairman nv
the dimocratic nashnel committy. He
shood immeiitly telegraph more ov elm
soon. and wood hev ansers by the time the
dimocrisy Nv the Corners wantid to ratify
agin
Fl the good Lord in his infnit mercy
wood only take Joe Bigler to his bum,
Good git along with the dimocrisy here.
He never appeers upon the suriis without
maxim trouble.
He and that Pollok from Illinoy to-
gcthcr manage to keep Us in hot water all
the time. Wood that the good old times
wuz back agin wen we Good organize and
invite en-, at the muzzlc Of shotguns to
move. But them days hev gone, with us.
Down in Mississippi it wood anser: or
even in Danyille, Nirginny, but here the
nigsers are too strong for that sort of ar
gvment, and our spcritS is broke.
Issaker and the deckin commen-t the
Old ite over agin, and / hewitt bin able TO
compromise the matter cz yit 1t Isl cold
world and full Nv trouble.
PETROLEUM y. Nasty,