Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-05-05

The board of education-the school
masters shingle.
He who minds not his own business is
not fit to be entrusted with other peoples.
A southern Dakota editor advertises
his bible for sale. He has doubtless gone
over to the other party.
Before marriage a true lover often pre-
sents his sweetheart with a lock of his
hair: after marriage she helps herself.
''It seems to me" moaned Algernon, as
he flew toward the front gate with the
old man close behind him, ''that there are
more than three feet in yard"
'Are you ill?' asked the physician; ''let
me see your tongue, please Its no
use, DOCTOR" replied the patient; "no
tongue can tell how bad / feel"
''Do you see any grapes, Bob?" eyes,
but there is dogs ''Big dogs, Bob?"
eyes, very big" ''Then come along.
These grapes are not ours, you know"
''Oh, my! !" exclaimed little Edith, upon
her first entrance into the roller-skating
rink; ''they're all on casters, amt they?''
And the fellow they cast down thought
SO, too.
Johnny" said the editor to his hopeful,
care you in the first class at school?''
mo-" replied the youngster, who had
studied the paternal sheet; II am regis
tered as second-class male NATTER
An Irishman wrote to his wife of sick
brother: "If Jamie isn't dead yet, re-
moind him of the twenty shillings he owes
me on the pigs; and if he is, tell him not
to give himself any consurrun about it,"
An Irishman was eating raw eggs and
reading a newspaper. By some mischance
he contrived to bolt live chicken. The
poor bird chirruped as it went down his
throat, when Pat said, ''By the powers
me friend, ye spoke a little too late
A Suuday-school teacher, says an eX
change, had grown eloquent in picturing
to his little pupils the beauties Of heaven
| uHdlly dShCd w lldb hluI VI llG
tie boys go to heaven?" A lively little
four-year-old boy, with kicking boots
fiourished his fist. ''Well, you may an
swer," said his teacher. ''Dead ones !!
shouted the little fellow at the extent o
his lungs.
'EWhat story teller Mirandy's got t.
be sence she went to thur 'cademy," re
marked Mrs. Homespun to her husband
"W'y wot's the gal been doin' now?
asked Daniel. s'Doin'!" exclaimed Mrs
Homespun; ''w'y, she said she must g
to her room to disrobe as she wished t.
retire early" ''Disrobe and retire?
murmured Daniel; ''wot's them, ma?
81 dunno, replied ma; ''but she didn
do nothin' O. the sort. She only III
dressed and went to bed"
''No," said the schoolboy, "there ha
not one of us boys been licked this tern
We kind of stood on the matter, you Sc,
and always calculate to have two OF thre
mice round our desk somewhere, and tt
minute the school-ma'am goes to lick
fellow somebody lets one Of them nit
loose, and then she gets up on her des
and gathers up her skirts and squeals, al
by the time the mouse is killed and thing
is quieted down, the boy she was goir
to lick has become hero, protecting b.
from the furious beast, and she hasn't Il
heart to Law hand on him.
"Say George, I'm going to pop" T.
young man reached for his hat with
frightened expression of fcountenance, al
faltered out something about an engae
ment with man down at the hot
''Why, George, you amt going so earl
are you? was just going to say that
you'd stay little while longer I'd pop
George disappeared through the parl
door, and was hastily fumbling for t
catch-lock in the hall. ''Say, Geors
what's the matter?" she cried, rushi
out after him. 'sWhat are you going aw
in such hurry for? If you'll stop just
few minutes longer I'll pop" But CT
was thrashing around in the storm-hou
and jabbing the door all over to find t
latch. He finally burst hinge offand "
kiting down the path like frighten
deer, when his girl stuck her head {
into the frosty air and bawled so that
could be heard a block away: ssS
: George, ifyou'l come back I'll pop so
cornl !" George came back.
I Satisfaction Uniyersal.-"In the past I'll