Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-03-07
HUMOR OF THE DAY

A man skilled in forging.-A Jack
smith.
Christopher Columbus was one of the
6rst men to Ego West. ."-SJtings,
While rummaging in the garret last
night we came across an old diary of ours
bearing the date 19S4.-PhiLadelphia Call.
Every affliction has its blessing. Tho
man with a wooden leg never knows what
it is to have rheumatism in that ankle
Chicago Sun.
No, my son, the great talker is not
necessarily a mathematician simply be-
cause he understands how to multiply
words. Boston Transcript.
By rubbing cats back in the dark
you can see the electricity fly, and when
the cat claws your hand you can feel the
shock.-Philadelphia ChrOnicle.
Speaking of feats of strength reminds
us that we saw Fort Wayne man knock
down horse and two cows the other
day. He was an auctioneer. r.-Hoosjer.
- ldvIadu--s slnIu think rniaai1s,a-
appetites or awful big missionaries p
Puck.
'Use your fork, Johnnie! Have you
forgotten so soon what told you about
using your fingers 2" "Well, mamma;
fingers were made before forks p eyes;
know very we'll they were; but not your
fingers. ."-StateSman.
She went into store to buy some
toilet soap, and when the clerk was ex-
patiating on its merits, about made up
her mind to purchase, but, when he said
''it would keep off chaps" she remarked
that she didn't want that kind.
''What influence has the moon upon
the tide2" asked the professor. The class
wag replied that he didn't know exactly
what influence it had upon the tied, but
that it had tendency to make the united
awful spoony. Burlington Free PFeeS
eff there's anything I love, it's roast
goose" remarked Henderson, as he
passed up his plate for a second help
ing. 'It does you credit" said Fogg;
"theres nothing so beautiful as affection
among the members of a family. -
Boston Transcript.
There is said to be an old gentl~man
in this city so fond of music that he can
not keep his foot still. Only the other
night young man began to serenade his
daughter, and the way the old fellows
foot didn't keep still is reported to be a
caution. PittSburg Chronicle.
A merchant traveller took his place at
the table of Western hotel, where the
landlord was the only waiter, and after
finishing very scanty meal be said per-
suasively, 81 should like some desert. "
''Desert2 Wot's that? We amt got
none.n 'Well give me some pie. y
''Pie! We amt got no pie Help your
self to the mustard l"-M6rchant- Iraceter.
"Bread!" exclaimed a Vassar College
girl. 'Breadl Well, should say can
make bread. We studied that in our first
year. You see, the yeast ferments, and
the gas thus formed permeates every
where and transforms the plastic material
into a clearly obvious atomic structure,
and then" ''But what is the plastic
, material you speak of ~ "Oh that il
commonly called the sponge" "But
how do you make the sponge Z" "Why,
you don't make it: the cook always at
tends to that. Then we test the spongt
a with the thermometer and hydromete1
and lot of other instruments, the names
, of which l don't remember, and ther
: hand it back to the cook, and | dom
know what she does with it then, bu
q when it comes on the table it is JUS
y splendid. y Chicago Herald.