Morning journal and courier., 1884-06-30
CARBuNlFEROUS.

''Yes, my boy" said Mr. Malaprop to his son, animals that eat meat are csrbopifer-
 ous. while those like ourselves, that eat both fl ssh and vegetables are amphibious. ."-San l Frencisco Wasp.
 An English clergyman, waxing sarcastic in the pulpit over the enormities of the age, ex- claimed: And these things. my brethren, are done in the so-called nineteenth cen tury. ."-Exchange.
 "Oh!' exclaimed Miss Gushington, looking at the portrait, ''How natural those eyes arei They look as though they were alivel' "Yes, D replied Charles, 'it is a life's eyes picture, you know."-Boston Transcript.
 "Just to think" said Vassar gradual e ''here is an account of train being throw n from the track by misplaced switcn. How utterly careless some women are about leav- ing their hair around" And she went on reading and eating caramels. A benighted family of this city wore dis cussing at the breakfast table the meaning of the word ''hydropathy." One of the senior members thought it meant something con nscted with baths. ''Yes," said sonny ''it h."
 Admiring cousin-s.What are you going to do, Tom, now you're through college ?" Tom (who wishes to be considered cynicaL -"Oh, shall stand aside and let the world roll on." Admiring cousin (.hsrmed)- "Why, that's very kind of you, Tom Harvard Lampoon.
 Customer-s'That last beefsteak I bought here-er-er-do you purchase your beef in Georgia ?'' Butcher-''In Georgia! What are you talking about ?" Customer-"Noth- ing, only read the other day, that COWS in that State frequently live to be 100 years old ''-Boston Transcript.
 At the recent Vassar exercises 1t was shown that the senior class was thoroughly grounded in the Ethics of Nlhilism," 'Imagination in Mathematics. '' "Corl elation of Sy nthstic Ideas" and Biological Met empsy chosis" The sub-fresh girl class on ''Architecture of the Modern Muffin "Evo- lution of the Buckwheat Cake'' and ''Chemi- cal Constituents of Soup" was found def cient.-Life.
 Fond Father-'' Welcome home my son, welcome home. I am glad you got safely through the examination. I suppose things at Yale have changed good deal since was there?" Graduate" Aw, yes. I suppose so." Fond Father-'' What are the principal improvements they have made of la,e years?" Graduate" Deah! deahI Haven't you heard ?" Fond Father-''Heard what ?' Graduate-'' Why Yale has changed it's stroke, e,"-Philadelphia Call.
 "Ma,' said the small boy, as they were taking the train out of town few days ago. you'll see somethin' funny when get back" What will it be?" inquired his mother. "Why, all the buildin's will be a different color" Nonsense, child, what gsve you that idea?" ''Well, pa told MT. Smith last night that when you and me went away he was goin' to paint the town red" and then he wondered why his mother wouldn't let him stand up the seat or buy him any candy.-Boston Post.
 In was case of breach of promise. The evidence being all in, the defendant was al- Rived to say a word in his own behalf Yes" he said, T kissed her almost continu- flly every evening called at her house, Lawyer for the claimant-''Then you confess it?" Defendant-'Yes, I do confess it, but I had to do it." Lawyer-'Had to do It! What do you mean?" Defendent-''That was the only way I could keep her from singing" The jury give verdict for de- fendant without leaving their seats Boston Transcript.