The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-09-12
WHY WE LAUGH.

A lady, joking about her nose, said: al
had nothing TO do In shaping 1t. 1t was q
birthday present.
Eli Perkins Is writing letters from Munich,
Bavaria. This would seem to indicate that
Eli Is summering in the vicinity of Hsboken,
N. J.-Constitutton.
Henry Ward Beecher, who built the house
on his Peekskill farm out Of the profits Of
lecturing, calls 1t his air castle, because it
was built from wind"
Under . recent law In this State the "bag-
gage smssher" 10 fined $50 for wilfally inJur-
Ing baggage. Is this q blow aimed at the
trunk manufacturers Pm. Y. Tribune.
Natural red hair is worth from SIS to $40
an ounce. So when you find crimson strand
In the butter you may be sure that no low
priced article Is being served TO you.-Boston
Post.
"Ah, Mr.. Mebbleton, hear that you been
called 10 the ministry" "Well, can hardly
Sort Of whisper, ysu understaad.-Arkdn-
sdw Trdueier.
"Don't buy q coach In order to please your
wife," advises an exchange, ait is cheaper to
make her little sulky." 1t is still more
rtOuoiut1ai w whO p1ooCocSo
graceful carriage.-Herald.
81 am not dead, am not dead !" sings a
magazine poet. We don't blame the poet
we only blame the editor for not lugging
him up couple Of stories higher before be
flung him out.-BTlington Free Press.
A West Somerset, England, Jury is said to
have returned the verdict, "Died by the her.
editary visitation Of God," in the case of a
man who had broken his neck when drunk,
aud whose grandfather had met with like
mishsp.
A Buckeye school teacher whipped one of
bis scholars all around the room, because be
said Chicago was In Ohio. The teacher said
be didn't feel so bad about the scholars ig-
norance as he did about the libel In the
statement.".- - Cincinnati Merchant Trdv-
eier.
A gentleman once met little boy on the
way TO school with his lunch-pail In bis hand
and asked: "Well, my son, suppose you
learn TO read al schoolp" "No, SIR" "You
don't learn to read? Then you learn to
spell?" "No, SIR" "Not spell! Do you
count P" "No, SIR" "Ah, my boy! What
do you do ?" swat for school 10 let out"
The Household.
"How glorious 1t Is TO be engaged In q
purely intellectual eccupation," murmured
Boston maiden, gazing rapturously into the
admiring eyes of a country editor, "your own
mental faculties for tools and the whole
universe for q workshop. Now tell me-"
she added, "what do you find the most diff
cult thing connected with your noble profess
sion ?" "Paying the hands," said the editor,
promptly.
81 should think you would be ashamed of
yourself to fight with q little boy not half
your size" said Q lady on the street. ado /
look ershamed ?" asked the boy. "No, you
do not" ais eidder Nv me eyes black w
"No." "Enny bites onto me nose ?" "Cer-
tainly not" sis me ears chawedp Is der
emmy mud down me neck? Is me coat torn,
or me suspenders busted oiI?" "No." swell
| haint got nothing ter be ashamed of. Eff
should fight wild bigger boy'n me might
have cause ter be srshamed."-N. Y. Sun.
"My dear, did you hear that Deacon s.
fell asleep during the sermon last Sunday
and tumbles out Of bis pew ?" 81 did not"
she said. "Yes, it's fact. The deacon is
very lucky man." "Why ?" she asked. "Be-
cause when he fell out of his pew he struck
aisle, you know" Then she looked a. him,
and the more she looked the more uncom-
Portable be got. Finally he could stand IL
no longer. "My DEAR" he said humbly, 81
beg your pardon. A matter religious of this
nature Is not a fit subject for jesting. ].
Sun.