Connecticut western news., 1884-08-20
WIT AND WISDOM.

wealthy fruit prcserver-"l can.
 A BosroN firm adyertisos "shoos for elopements." They don't squeak.
 Ir is impossible to be hero in any thing, unless one is first horo in faith.
 IT seems funny Co say that person is homesick when in reality he is away sick.
 MAMMA-Johnny, what is the baby up to9 .Johnny--Hos up to the jelly shelf.
 "CAN man marry his widows ais. ter ?" is one of the traps laid for unre- flecting persons.
 AN ancient coHrt document of Salem begins thus: "To all Christian people, fishermen and Indians.
 HE is to bo educated because he Is q man, and not because ho is to make shoes, nails and pins.
 CUSTOM will often blind one to the good, as we'll as to the evil effects of any ng.established system.
 IT is wise young man who oarly makes up his mind that gamblers know more about gambling than he does.
 TIE more able man is, if he makes ill.use of his abilities, the more danger. ous will he be to the commonwealth.
 IF certain article of dress worn by a woman Is basque, should the same ar- ticle worn by a little girl be called Q basketp
 SOMEBODY heard Boston girl say: "I think he looked like perfect ravinR angel in his uniforml He was awful heavenly"
 Bur-" said tho serenaded man, CT must go out and make a speech. Some thing must be done to stop the playing of that band"
 "WHAr do you do down here at the store when it is 80 awfully damp all the time 2" was the inquiry of a young visit ing miss. "Do2 Why, we just mill dew"
 HE that rightly understands the req. condolences and excelloncy of charity, will know that it can never be eIcusable to waste any of our money in pride and folly.
 To BE happy the passion must be cheerful and gay, not gloomy and mel ancholy; propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow, real poverty.
 SoMERvmnE, Mass., has an "Owl Club" It is understood to have taken its name from the frequent inquiry of the members to each other; "'Ow1 you have your'np"
 A CYCLONE in Kansas carried away bank building, but theas as chier had de- parted in an oposite direction the day be- fore, it wasn't thought worth while to hunt after the bank.
 "WHERE are you living now ?" aaid an Indiana travelling man to a friend who had moved to another town. '1n War saw" "oh, then, you are warsnw-f than you were before"
 A sEwINd.MAoHINE agent must have been "lnocked out" in Pittsburg, iudg- ing from paragraph fin papor thore which commencoa, "Gas struck under peculiar circumstances"
 AN Ohio farmer says that a COW can be cured of kicking "by oatohing hold of her while in the net" This ia prob ably true; at least those who have tried 1t never saw the COW kick again. -Boston
 post.
 FAMILIARITY" says an exchange, "does not always breed contempt For instance, there is the girl and the foe cream" True; but you don't know any thing about the ico creams opinion of the girl.
 Ir is not the dress that makes tho monk: many are dressed like monks who are inwardly anything but monks !; and some woar Spanish caps who have but little of the valor of tho Spaniard in them.
 "YEs, when he wont away from my house he left large board bill" 'Tve heard him mention it." "Yoa have What did he say ?" 'That it was SO large that he couldn't possibly carry it with him."
 I'm young man who wrote to his of- tended girl asking her to send him "a line" informing him what she would like him to do, was surprised to receive by return mail a clothoslino with a moose at ono end of it. "You ought to put sign over tha , hatchway," raid policeman to a store keeper, "or some one may tumble into s it." "Au right" replied the merchant; B and he tied ono of hts "Fall Opening" r placarls to the railing. r WE would not strike woman under [ any circumstances, but we must ac. ! knowledge that when we zee girl wear ing one of those horrible garments known Q as "Mother Huhbarda, we feel inclined s to give her q belt-Bostoa Star. s DR. HOLMES once complaining of the ' small amount of honey given him at tea - at hotel. said it was "a nero tritle, the II work of a very young bee in an idle half s hour" "Did they give you no comb, l. doctor9" asked lady. Possibly one t tooth, madame, said the doctor. THERE are all sorts of clocks, but . new invention ia badly needed. IL is ons
 that instead of striking nt n D. m. will ,, pick mp n dilatory lover and fro him ou VI Of the front door, A clock of this de
 scription would make afortune for the in ventor, as there arc probably a million o American fathers who would buy ono. . MORAL beauty is the basis of all iru' 70 beauty. Tho foundation is somewha " covered and yelled in nature; nrt bring