Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-09-19
BRIGHT BITS.

THE best barber in Saginaw, Mich, was
previously an editor. The scissor muscles OF
his good right hand are Ike CORDS OF steel.-
Burlington Free Press.
A NORTHERN Texas editor complains that
the number of marriages is ridiculously small
when compared with the time squandered IN
buggy riding.-Tesas Slftin0s.
THE tongue of a seaside barber is as inces-
SAINT as the restless sea. But, then. he
magines he must do something to earn 80
cents. for poor shave YOEkers Stdtesnaen.
SHocKING-bnt Untrue-ssFrench water
ing-places? An abomination, sirI Why, I've
been told Of people bathing there in pUrfs
naturaI6us!' 'Ah, 1 dessay! and some not
even thatg'-PuncA
THE King of Ashantee recently died of
smallpox and 300 of his subjectswere killed
at the funeral. A funeral in Ashantee must
be about as hilarious and enjoyable as a New
| York pleasure excursion"
YOUTH-You say you are in love with two
| girls, both beautiful, one "d1vinely tall' and
the other "a perfect little fairy" Marry the
| little one. She won't want so much stuff for
| a dress.-PhfLadeiDhid Can.
Poor Cleveland wishes he'd been wise,
| And Blaine has seen much TROUBLES;
But Butler, througfrhis style OF eyes
Sees most, for he sees double.
EgdasUiLle Argue.
THE Oregon Ad0ertiser did it in this way:
"BOrn to the wife of Amos Josephs, q daugh
| ter-twins." The inference is that full re-
turns were not in when the first part of the
notice was set up Territorial EntSTprtse.
WIFE (anxiously)-ewhat's wrang VII We the
nicht JOck?" Jock (shortly)-"I'm (hi') seek!
| Wife tcoaxingly)-..'Try yer finger doom yer
no pit it up thicl. It's whusky. scotch Joke.
DOCTORS are agreed that there is not only a
suicidal wave sweeping over the country at
| certain seasons, but that it is always followed
by a mania for writing poetry. Couldn't IL
Ia fo
PhfLadetphiG Press
MRS. BLANK-s'Is your barber musIcIanp'
| Mr. Blank-tsNot that know Of" Mrs. Blank
-"Then why does he call himself professor
if he is not violinist or somethingr' Mr.;
Blank-"Oh, that is because he hdules around
a customers face in viOlint manner with a
viol razor" -PhitadelphfG eau.
THE Sheriffs in Arkansas have very sad
time of it. During the past six months no
less than nine legally convicted mnrderers
were Iaken from the hands of the SherIffs and
hung by public spirited mobs. AS the Sherl1s
get $50 for each apd every execution, they are
naturally indignant at the competition OF the
mobs.-TegGs SJtings.
MANMA-"It Is very wrong in you, Johnny,
| to quarrel in this way" Johnny (whO has
! lust had a fght with his brother Tom)-"Well,
/ got mad and had to do something" Mann
ma-"But you should not let your temper
carry you away in that manner l VIII tell
YOU good rule: When you are angry always
count twenty before you strike" Tommy
(the victor in the recent unpleasantnessl-
'.Yes, and he'd better count forty before he
strikes fellow that can lick him. "-Bdttt-
more DdV.
JONES: 81 tell you what it is, there's moth
ing like having a highly educated wife,"
Smith: 81 am a great admirer of cultivated
women myself and hope when / marry will
get One.o Take no other, my frlendi take no
other. You don't know how much unpleas-
antness have escaped on account of my wife's
accomplishments" II do not quite catch
your drift" "WeI, you see, the first time
she welcomed me with a curtain lecture, l
whispered to her that the servants might over
hear. So, ever since that she has always done
her scolding in French" "A good idea, GER
tainly, but how does that relieve your" 81
don't understand the language, "-Philddel-
phid call.