Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-08-29
FUN

eyes" she said dreamlly, as she thrust
he snowy fingers between the pages of the
last popular novel, ''life is full of tender
regrets"
''My tenderest regret is that I havn't
the funds to summer US at Newport" he
replied, without taking his eyes off the
butcher, who as softly oozing through
the front gate with his bill in his hand.
ooh, Newport" she lisped. with Ian
guild society sigh; Il often think of New.
port by the sea, and water my dreams with
the tender dews of memory"
She leaned back in the hammock, and
he continued
ST wish could water the radishes and
mignonette with the tender dews of men,
ory."
"Wby?" she asked. clasping her hands
together.
"Why, because it almost breaks my
back handling the water pot. and half the
water goes on my feet, and it takes about
half an hour to pump that pail full of
water, and it requires something like a
dozen pailfuls to do the business. What
effect do you think the tender dews OF
memory would have on good drum head
cabbage?"
But she had turned her head and was
looking over the daisy dappled fields, and
she placed her fingers in her ears while the
prosaic butcher, who had just arrived,
was talking about the price of pork.
A CANDIDATES MIsTAK E.-" Madam,
may kiss these beautiful children?" in
quired Uocle Dick Oglesby, as he leaned
over the front gate.
"Certainly, sir; there is no possible OIL
jection.''
"They are lovely dar:ings," said Uncle
Dick, after he had finished the eleventh.
81 have seldom seen more beautiful ba-
bies. Are they all yours, marm?"
The lady blushed deeply.
''Of course they are-the sweet little
treasures! From whom else, marin, could
they have inherited these limpid eyes,
these rosy cheeks, these prOfuse curls,
these comely figures and these musical
volces2"
Inc lduy COuutluutu DluSullR.
s'By the way, marm,'' said Uncle Dick.
s'may bother you to tell your estimable
husband that Richard J. Oglesby. Repub-
lican candidate for governor, called upon
him this EVENING""
sAlas. good SIR" quoth the lady, II
have no husband"
But these children, madam-you sure
ly are not widow?"
II feared you were mistaken, sir, when
you first came up. These are not my chill
dren. This is an orphan asylum!"
NOV. my son. said fond father on
Washington's birthday, ''you be George
Washington, and [ will be his father. Let
US begin:
George, who has been hacking my
cherry tree 20
"Father, cannot tell lie. [ did it
with my little Ratchet, and if the edge
of the tool had not been dull 1 would
chard."
The tier was rather nonplussed at this
answer. After pause he added
"Why make such wholesale destruc-
ton. my son ?''
Father, cannot tell lie. Somebody
must cut little wood for mother.'
The father was satisfied and asked no
more questions.
BREAKING IT GENTLY.-Youn wife
-''My dear, you were the stroke ore at
college, were you not -
Young husband-"Yes love-"
"And very prominent member of the
gymnastic class ?'
II was the leader"
.sAnd quite a hand at all atheletic
sports ?''
'Quite hand? My gracious. l was the
champion walker, the best runner, the
head man at lifting heavy weights, and as
for carrying, why, I could shoulder bar
rel of flour and"
swell, love, just please carry the baby
couple of hours Pm tired.''
"How in the world can you content
Yourself to live in this dead-and .alive
place ?'' asked the city visitor of her
country cousin. 81 know l should die if
/ had to stay here" WELL" responded
the rustic relative, II suppose [ should,
too; but then the city folks ain It here only
few weeks in the year, you know
''That was a clothes shave" said the
burglar as he tumbled over the fence,
leaving part of his pantaloons with the
bulldog.
A boy always rejoices when his parents
take him out of dresses, and yet it isn't
many years before he embraces them
again.
Bridget has accidently dropped light
ed match on some dry clothes, which have
ignited and endanger the house. Mrs. S.
crushing into the kitchen)-''W Brldg-
ct, put some water on the fire, quick!'
Bridget-''Och, it's no nse, mum; The wa
ter is hot.''
"Why is that cup of tea like truth?',
asked the head of the family, pointing to
the cup of tea by the side of his plate
"Te-hee!" giggled his wife; II don't
know. Why is it'" because it's my
tea, and will prevail" Then his wife
looked sorroWfu1.
To the mosquito there is no aristocracy.
He would as soon draw blood from the fat
tramp as from Vanderbilt.
There is dark rumor afloat that Ben
Butler shaves the top of his head in order
to win the sympathy of the Chinese.
Fright at cholera is as fatal as cholera
itself. There is danger in cholera in phan-
tom as we'll as by the Asiatic reality.