Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1884-06-28
BLASTED HOPES.
Gonded to Desperation by the Cold
World, He Succumbs.
The Untimely Dropping in ola Undevel-
oped Genius,

why don't you run humorous col
umn on your paper? Doggone it, If
was newspaper man, I'd always be
gettin' off things; it is just the dandy
catch.n
The speaker was genius whose lu-
minosity glared unseen behind the
counter of boot and shoe store on
Main street. THE GAZETTE scribe
paused in his mad haste, before 1t was
forever too late, arrested his uplifted
arm and spared the artists young life,
! just one time, for change.
You think IL column daily of origi.
nal humor would take well, do you?n
queried the scribe, picturing to himself
all the while just what kind ola corpse
his would-be humorist would size up,
and how long it would take the ground
to settle down even over his grave
You think that If / tried I
dash it of, as it were and
In that manner revolutioniZe the pre-
vailing style and inaugurate rage for
big mouths and double back action
ribs, to accommodate perpetual laugh
ing? You may be right, but j am not
ambitious; a convention, or a runaway
fits my shoulder like musket.n
Yes, but there's lots of folks who
would buy paper Just for to see the
fun that Ia in il; 1t advertises the tow n
too, more than you Think
Have you any property in this
II have three building lots"
Then | have a scheme. You sit
down and get up column and I'll
publish 1t. Ifyou have been writing
anything to keep your hand in, pro-
duce the script and I'll give those fam
ished after humor dose that will give
them dyspepsia for month";
In moment he was gone. In an
other jitiy he returned with hand
full ofpapers scrawled all over and sub
mitted them to my enraptured gaze.
Here are few squibs; of course IL
had thought that They were for pub
LEGATION / should have taken more
pains In preparing them, but perhaps
you can dress them up, ana make
them look well. How do you like
.his?n
A generous Fort Worth husband
gave his wife thirty cents when the
doctor prescribed change.
The season Of buggy rides and beds
is upon us.
Some heartle 81 vandal tied a five.
cent balloon to u Texas EDITORS grin
and let both ascend into the heavens
Beer Is getting so cheap that most
every one can have bread In the house.
You have been correctly informed,
dear Roscoe; Sprague has brand new
wife but he carries the same old gun.
Mrs. David Davis has to fence her
baby In to heep its pap from rolling
on it,
How do You think they'll do?
Good, amt they?"
"Ravishing Come again."
Here is one; it's pretty long and
badly written, but perhaps you can
get the sense of it :"
Kansas girls have red hair Mis-.
souri, girls have brown hair: Ken
lucky girls have false hair; Goshen
county girls dye their hair; Mime
sofa girls hair curls wickedly at the
ends; Mississippi girls hair is soft.
sn o)th and black Pennsylvania eirls'
hair is lightcolOred and they u-e bears
grease Ohio girls have auburn hair
and They use lard-oil. We make these
deductions from scientific ANALYSIS of
butter samples sent us from the states
named.
Too long. amt it? The reader is
liable to get tired before he reaches the
point"
mo, sir; not at all they are SIM
ply magnificent, and you are losing
your time in fooling around store.
Get you job on some big
paper and make fortune af
once--the gift has been given
you in allopathic doses. Go forth into
the journalistic field and win fame.
But tell me, now long have you been
evolving these brilliant coruscations
from the profound c.verns of your
prodigious intellect? How long.
under favorable circumstances does il
take the ething mass to lash itself
into foamy fury against the rocks
and reefs Of the rock bound shores of
your fertile brain? 1 mean, how long
Is 10 from the first time the idea begins
10 tickle you, way down under your
shirt, until 1t boils over from the alti-
tudinous apex Of your Uranium and
streans down your arm to the point of
your pen?"
"Well, can't say; you see those T
nave written on old looking panero
Well, they were written some Wears
ago and have preserved them. NV
mind naturally runs in this channel
and could get nm lots Of them if there
was any thing in it. How much do
you suppose ] '.ould get for what 7
have given you?n
He paused breathlessly for reply.
dis an Xiety was torture, and the scribe
seeing IL prolonged its existence and
reveled in the spectacle until he was
almost frantic.
well. this class of literature il not
much in demand just now. You
might create demand for 1t and then
corner the market and enrich yourself
Just at this stage of the game, l. doubt
II You 'uid get more for this handful
OF gems than a copy Of the paper and
pledge from the managing editor that
ne would not divulge your name to
the foreman and
But IT was too late. The yearniny
soul that all through life had sought q
handmade immortality, broke under
the whitening disappointment and
sought factory-made article in the
OF the clstern, stone dead