The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1884-02-23
THE WALLER DOG.
MARK TWAIN.

When Noah disembarked at Ararat,
he had scarcely touched the pier when
he proceeded to tally his passengers. He
had just checked his last item in the list
"a Mr.. and Mrs. Bedbug-when the
cringing figure of a quadruped came
sneaking down the gang plank, with his
tail between his legs. "Drat it. if there
amt that yaller dog?' says Noah, aim
ing vicious kick at the brute with his
brogan. But, with facility both of
long and bitter experience, the brute
prslectile, and calculating xxi vi
which is Syriac for declining with
thanks" or mot for Joe''-he disap-
peared. while Noah, who mad his sea-
| legs on, was unable to recover his equili
brum, sat down with emphasis on the
, back of his head.
Noah arose. and, in accordance with
the style prevalent among the patriarchs
! he proceeded to soothe his atfronted dig
nifty by pronouncing a variegated ana
! thema upon the yaller dog. which had
! enthusiastically sneaked unobserved on
board. il. the confusion of putting to sea
and capsized the captain at the first port.
He cursed that dog in body, limb, bark,
hair, tail and wag; and kindred by con-
sanguinity or affinity, and his heirs and
assigns. He cursed him with endless
hunger. with perennial Iaziness, with
hopeless, mango, with his tail between
his legs. He closed his stock of male
diction by display of pyrotechnics,
from the demoralizing effect OF which
the yaller dog has never recovered.
With this curse sticking to him like a
revenue stamp, thu yaller dog can't help
being ''cussed." He don't try to help
it. He follows Noah's programme with
sneaaing fidelity. He is an Ishmaelite
among dogs. He receives the most OPP
pressive courtesies, in the form OF brick
bats, boots and hot water, which makes
his life an animated target excursion.
He boards round like school teacher,
and it is meal-tims with him twenty -four
hours in the day. The Test of the time
he bankers after something to eat. He
is too omuivorous for an epicure. Cram
him at Demonico's and he would hun
ger for dessert from ALI Albany board
ing house
lie can't be utilized He is too tired
AS swill cart locomotive. hun
ter 5 sentinel he is an ignominieus fail
ure. The dog charm was strategic at
tempt to employ his waste energies, and
butter had too much seif-respect tc
come at bis persuasion. So the d g,
churn was dropped.
No sausage maker dares to foreclose
his lien on his WALLER dog. lest his custo.
mers-no longer 'soothed by an uufalt
ering trust '-transier their patronage tC
some less audacinuS dealer. The savages
who admired baked dogs. and who car
even attack tripe aud explore the my s.
teries of hash without diSmay, acknow-
ledge the yaller dog to be too much for
their gastric intrepidity.
He always manages to belong to a rag
ged, tobacco chewing, whiskey drinking
master. whose business is swapping dog
tax. The yaller dog is acquainted with
himself, and enjoys the intimacy with
edifyins contempt. He sinks along
through life, on diagonal dog trot, as
il in doubt as to which end is entitled tt
precedence. lie is always pervadec by
a hang-d,g sense of guilt, and when
retributive tinware is fastened to his tail
he ''flies from the wrath to come" with
a Mortified celebrity which ought to be
very suggestive to two-legged ours OF
a similar ordeal in store for them.
The yallah dog is-well, to speak in
italics, he is slOuch.