The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-12-25
A SUGGESTION.
Bob Burdette Gives a Little Good-Natured
Advice to Railroad Directors.


/ wish to suggest a reform to the
mighty railway corporations who rule
this land with rail of iron and have,
of recent years, become coldly reserved
and icily exclusive on the vital question
of free passes.
Not long erst, when the bloom was
on the golden rod and September notes
were beginning to fail due, jouneyed
toward the land of the South and the
Prince likewise was with me. Now the
days of the years of the Prin ce's pill
grimage have been few and jolly, and
have not yet attained unto the days of
the years of his father pilgrimage; but
they will, if he lives and keeps on
growing. He was born few months
longer than seven years ago, which was
such a famous year for colts. But his
complexion is fair and his stature linn
tied and his figure slight, insomuch
that he appeareth to be of five years or
under. Now when | got me upon the
train | bought no half ticket.
AS we journeyed to the South land
the conductor approached woman
sitting in the seat in front of me. She
had two little girls with her Their
ages were apparently eight and ten
years. The younger was reading a
book. They were large girls. Not tall
for their ages, but pretty massive for
the free ride age. 1t was evident they
were half-fare candidates, on a fair
count. In answer to the conductors
question, the mother, presenting her
own ticket, said that her girls were
each under six years young The man
with the punch said they were very
large for their ages, and the woman
said that size had nothing to do with it;
if they were tall as giants and under
six years they were entitled to ride free,
and she hoped she knew the ages of her
own children. And the peculiarly red
signal emphasis she placed on her
double hopes made the conductor
shiver. He waved his punch with an
apologetie gesture, and to his great
pleasure, seeking some relief from his
| embarrassment, he saw me. All! now
| he could quarrel with a man. He
could fire me off if | refused to paw half
fare for my boy.
''How old is that childr' he demand
ed, in a pay or walk accent.
''Dear me, | said, ''what a question
to ask father. How old is your young
est child?"
/ knew he couldn't tell without think
ing it over for five minutes, and so ]
| gained time. He had the look of an old
married man with big family, so when
/ saw his face begin to clear up, and
knew he was coming at me again, 1 fired
at him, with:
''How many children have youp"
That threw him once more, and saw
| him furtiyely count up to seven on his
| fingers; but / was little slow getting
into battery for the next shot, and before
l could ask him their names he charged
right into my lines.
Never mind about my children = he
said. II want to know how old that
boy is.''
1 said: Conductor, sit down. ean'i
tell you, and you know why. If tell
you he is only three there will be 8
dreadful lie on my conscience, and ]
won't get my hair shirt off for a week
| If tell you the truth and say that he is
seven and half that woman with the
two big five year-old girls will consider
| it direct insult. You have accepted
her statement; now, you couldn't have
| the broad and massive brow to charge
my boy half fare, though | swore he
| were forty. One liar on train is
enough. Do not press your question
aud get me into trouble. / must either
scar my conscience with false state
ment, or get into row with the mann.
ma of yonder eighteen years of girls.
He saw the embarrassing position
into which he was forcing both of us,
and with gentlemanly consideration left
| me.
Now, you see the trouble is all here
In adopting rule for dead-head ano
half fare children the railway companies
have acted foolishly and adopted q
most absurd standard. That Of age
| What does d young unmarried conductor
know about the ages Of childrenp What
conductor, old or young, can dispute
the statement of mother? What has
age to do with it, anyhow? Is tha
standard adopted with any class of pas
sengers save human beings? Does i
| cost any more to transport ten yeal
old horse than five year old coltP
The standard should be either size o.
weight. Then the conductors tasl
would be an easy one. Make the rule
that all children over three feet in heigh
or weighing more than forty pounds
should pay half fare. In every ear /
| Fairbanks SC punch a tape
measure. q lur little girl
| MADAME" 9 eleven anC
three-qnarter Stand up
little dear IS the taps
measure and ooping as hel
mother bids US. matronly
pantomime, four feet two
inches of tai nat does The