The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-04-25

WHOLE NO. 772
WHY WE LAUGH.

The dancing skeleton at the dime museum
is not an allusion. 1t Is bony-fed thing
Ne,c Orleans Picdyune.
It Is strange that some one did not disperse
the mob In Cincinnati by proposing 10 take
up collection.-Norristo,cn Herald.
The receipts Of the friction match manu-
facturer are gross, but the man who sells the
matches Is generally grocer.-Lo,oeH Citizen.
Minister Sargent, having toasted Emperor
William, would probably be thankful for an
opportunity to roast Bismarck.-Phitadet-
phia Press.
Another automatic car coupler was invent
ed yesterday. Count that day lost whose
low descending sun adds toths number not
single one.-Lorell Citizen. ...
The largest shark ever captured has been
taken In Panama bay. This is the first time
Niagara hackman has been known to get
SO far away from home.-N Y. Graphic.
These "mep of the hour" portraits printed
by great many newspapers are called "oys-
ter knife" portraits. We didn't suppose that
oyster knives were so dull.-NOrristotc
Herald.
Something wrong in Ohio again. A man
refused to take So, 900 back pension money.
Taking Ohio as a whole, she makes some Of
the most unexpected breaks Of any section
in the universe.-Peck's Sun.
"Hsve you got quail OIL toast ?" asked
seedy-looking party as he entered a restau-
rant the other day. "Have you got an eagle
on silver?" asked the proprietor. And the
conference adjourned sine die.-San Fran
cisco Post.
Professor, 10 class in surgery: "The right
leg of the patient, as you see, Is shorter than
the left, In consequence of which he limps.
Now, what would you do in a case of this
kind" Bright student: "Limp, too."-
German Joke.
We wrote that GALL the windows In GER
tain dusty village looked as If they needed
washing" The printers set it up call the
widows" A score or more of letters came
''ln haste," with requests to "stop my paper"
Nashville World.
Mary Anderson has made nearly $75, 900
during her London engagement. Ii other
girls would only follow her example and lay
up something for their future husbands, dur
ing their engagements, there would be fewer
matches broken off.-St. Louis Critic.
At an evening party where one of the
guests preserved q strict silence, no matter
what might be the subject Of conversation,
Theodore Hook at last advanced to him and
said: "lf you are fool you are wise man;
If you are wise man you are . fool"
1t does look suspicious when drug firm
gives a package of cucumber seed with every
dimes worth of goods bought. But then we
mustn't judge of a mans motive, no matter
how enterprising he may be to increase his
trade. Chromos 60 with dry goods, why not
cucumber seed with drugs? These seed will
bear fruit In trade In a few more weeks
Peck's Sun.
A patent medicine manufacturer died in
New York last week. Before he died bis
friends asked him how he would like to be
buried. He had just strength left to say
"1nsert me top Of column next to reading
matter, fifty two times, electro by mail" and
then closed his eyes and passed away to that
BORNE where there are no omissions or
wrong insertions.
81 can't pay that bill just now; you will
have to wait little for the money" call
right, sir" cheerfully responded the boy, as
he seated himself and unfolded copy of the
Police Gazette. "Them's the orders of the
boss" "What are the orders of the boss ?"
demanded the gentleman, sternly. "Tm to
walt for the money"
A gentleman who has just returned from
Washington Territory was asked how he
liked the country. "Well, sir, every bunch
of willows is mighty forest, every frog pond
sylvan lake, every waterfall second Min
neapolis, every ravine q roaring river, every
ridge of rocks q gold mine, every town q
county seat, and every man d--n liar."--
Carson (Ner.) Tribune.
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