Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1884-03-05
NUMBER II.
WIT AND HUMoR.

WIS Only IOOt!ng one OF Your Iaye
Bills" remarked fond father to hi,
daughter, after kicking her sweet vii
liam out OF the front yard.
People who are color blind can MOI
distinguish any difference between rec
and green. To them the woman who
paints her checks looks green.
''No, sir, my daughter can never be
yours. IL don't want her to be my
daughterl' broke in the young ardent
II want her TO be my wiic,o
Ayoung colored man of Illinois ii
said to have made fortune of $3.50. OOl
within a gear. We suspect he served 4
few months as porter on Pullman
palace cara
So you are marred. remarked Mrs,
Smith; ''when do you receiver" 90, :
replied the newly-wedded one. '.that
will depend on our friends. We shall
be ready to receive as fast us the pres.
ents are sent in.
A young man who sat upon q black
piece of iron in blacksmith shop and
unceremoniously sprany seven feet IN
the air, with wild shrek OF despair,
says he don't think much of the hoi
springs as health resort.
A new. mineral called adamascolitc
has been found in Missouri. and it Is
said that it will cut steel. Adamasco-
lite will fill a long-felt want. Now the
traveller can have knife that will Gu,
a railroad sandwich.
"Alicc," said Mrs. Petulia in a sub
dued tone to her little girl one evening
at supper, ''you must eat bread with
your jam" "But, mamma protested
Alice. Its plenty good enough with
out bread"
'liow many parts of speech are
there, Johnniep" "Well, in our house
there Amt none, 'canse when nanny
gets her speech started it never parts;
it just reaches from sun to sun 'thout
even crack in It,"
.'Thc surest way to take cold.'' said
a distinguished physician. '.is to hug
the stove" Young men who 60 court
ing on Sunday nights should remember
this. and not spend all their time hug
ging the stove.
American tourist in gallery OF art:
II say. John, we haven't got but twen-
ty minutes to go through this thing
before the train starts. You take one
side and I'll take the other, and we'll
do It up in good style. ~ Burlington
Free Press.
A tailor informed one OF his credit
ors that if he did not settle his bill i'm
mediately he would commence suit,
but was surprised 10 receive a postal
card by return mail politely informing
him to look to the settlement OF one
suit before commencing another.
A Hoosier at dinner on Mississippi
palatial steamer was about to reach
out for something before him, but the
waiter, checking him, exclaimed, hur-
riedly: THAT, sir, is q dessert. 20, !"
said the Hoosier, Il don't care il it's 1
wilderness. am going to eat II all che
same. - Philadelphia Call
''Oh, nor she exclaimed, In conster.
nation, ''surely not, doctor!' ..Yes, =
he said, ''you are certainly threatened
with scarlet fever" what shall do,
what shall dop' she moaned in great
distress. .'Oh, doctor. couldn't you
throw 1t into some other kind of feverp
Scarlet is SO trying on my complexion.
20. will he bitc?" exclaimed one of
Middletown's sweetest girls. with a
look Of alarm, when shc saw one of the
dancing bears on the street tile other
day. s'No," said her escort, .'he cannot
bite--he is mnzzled; but he can hug"
10, y she said, with distr acting smile.
II don't mind that"
''JohnnIe did any one have the Group
In your house last night?" Dunno.
What made YOU ax me?'' "Well, saw
q light in the house long after Md
night. ''Oh, that's my sister. She
aas somethin' down in the parlor awful
late every night. but / don't know
whether it's the Group or not. - fonk-
srs Gazette.
Some smart Yankees recently went
TO Havana and started gas war. In
time the native monopoly yielded and
consolidated with the invader. Then
the price Of gas was put up, but the
move has not enriched the schemers,
because the thrifty hidalgos have stop
ped using the gas, and the city is said
70 prese sent vefy gloomy appearances
at night.