Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-10-01
PLEASANTRIES.

A MAN named Bonnet is running for
political Office in Minnesota The
ladies are for him first, last and all the
time Yonkers Statesman.
IT is said there are TWENTY-FIVE sa-
looms to one church"-though why one
church should have so many saloons is
problem difficult to solve TNorristown
Herald.
A ooMPosIToR in this office set I'D
"The Feast of the Pentecost" so that #
read 1.-The Feet on the Petticoat."
Funeral tomorrow afternoon White
hall Tines.
"WERE you ever caught up in sud
| den squall?" asked an old yachtman of
worthy citizen. "Well, I guess So"
responded the good man. "Ifshaye
helped to bring up eight babies"
"AH!" he remarked with JUNCTION as
he placed the glass on the counter.
What is better than glass of beer TO
| quench ones thirst?" "Two glasses,
Mister" said tramp at the door
Mail and Express.
WHAT shall I write about?" asked a
young reporter of the managing editor
20, write about the first thing that
comes to hand" was the brief order.
The scribe drew his pay that night for
an article on "Door-knobs."
SMITH notice that milkmen. as q
rule, wear very heavy shoes" Brown
Yes. They do it on purpose, I guess"
Smith ~ Why" Brown Because,
you know, it would be rather suggestive
if they wore pumps Summerville
Journal.
LITTLE Freddie was talking to his
grandma who was something of skep-
tic. Grandma, do you belong to the
Presbyterian church," mo" "To the
Baptist ?" "No." "To any church ?"
''No." SWELL, grandma, don't you think
it is about time to get in somewhere!"
GEORGE, dearest" she said, as she
inflated her lungs with difficulty, and
ascertained that the only ribs broken
belonged to her corset, 81 know girl
that would just suit you. She is a
South American, and her name is Anna
Conda." Then he repeated the per-
! Torrance.
HE was Wiling Why don't you go
to work ?" said a charitable lady the
other day to tramp, before whom she
had placed nicely cooked meal. "I
would" replied the vagrant. eff I had
the tools" "What sort of tools do you
want ?" asked his hostess. GA knife and
fork. > Chicago Tribune.
sCAN you tell me-" said rich Young
fop to poor but beautiful girl, "why is
1t that ladies nowadays look SO much
to money in the matter of marriage q"
She looked him coolly over and an
swered: Il suppose it is because they
so seldom find anything else in man
worth having"
A RACY story is told of an old Scotch
lady who refused to be comforted by
her pastors assurance that when he left
her she would have better pastor as
his successor. "Na, Nal" she said ST
have seen fourteen changes in the min
listers since I attended the kirk, and
every one has been waur than anither."
"YoU were loaded" said Justice Duffy
of New York Monday to Charles and
Philip Gum as they were led to the
bar by Policeman Burns, who had
found them drunk. .Were you ever
pointed in my direction before?" "No,
sir" the Gums responded in chorus.
"Both barrels discharged" said the
court.
A MARRIED woman in Connecticut
writes to the New York Crematory
Company: "Can you burn man be-
fore he dies? If you can I will be
pleased to give you job on my hus-
band, who is of no use to me or any
one else" She doesn't seem satisfied
with his prospect for roasting hereafter.
= Troy Times.
A GENTLEMAN once met a little boy on
his way TO school with his lunch pail in
hand and asked: swell, my son, sup
pose you learn to read at SCHOOL," "No,
sir !" "What Not learn to read? Then
you learn to speli?" "No, sir!" "Not
spell? Do you count ?" mo, sir!" "Ah,
my boyl What do you do?" "Wait for
school to let OUT The Household.
The suggestion that the word "mala-
ria" be complemented by "bonaria," to
express the idea OF good air, meets with
general favor, and the newspapers are
talking about the bonaria of their re-
spoCG1fo u01S1UOruOOuS. LIEU JIG UOu-
workia go on, and by and by men will be
saying that there is no malwhisyia, but
that some whisky is bonwhiskyia than
others.
II SEE, aw, that this is Indian milk,
aw," said a dude to a dairyman. mo,
sir" said the dairyman, ''this is first
class cows milk, fresh from my farm"
81 beg your pardon, sir; I do weally,
aw. It looks, aw, like Indian milk"
"The dickens it does! What makes you
call it Indian milk? ?" "I-aw-weally,
now, don't it look like it was chalked,
aw?" (Choctaw. III P arts Beacon.
IT was his first appearance here and
the church was literally packed.
Brother Harrison, the "boy preacher"
came quietly in and took a seat in the
pulpit before the arrival of the other
minister, when an old lady, after looking
at him intently, walked up to the pulpit
and reckoning to him said: "My boy,
come down here and sit with me; that's
| %bo x,Iaoo For tho ohor Eivana-