The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-07-11
DEER LODGE, MONTANA, JULY II, 1884
WHY WE LAUGH.

1t Is q wise man who can recognize his
wood. cut portrait In the enterprising news
| paper.
"Engineer full; boiler empty" is the way
| Western paper accounts for an accident
Picdytme.
Politics divide men at time, but the fiji st
cargo of ripe watermelons makes the whole
world kin.
The mind cure Is very popular in Boston,
but IN Washington there Is prejudice In
favor of the sinecure.-N. Y. Commercial
Advertiser.
Wood-cut illustrations In the campaign
papers serve one good purpose, at least
they act as terrible warning to keep many
good man out of politics.
The mouth of the Amazon river in South
America is one hundred miles wide. Now
see the minstrel end-man turn green with
envy.-Yonkers Statesman.
A light house keeper watches the vessels
as they pass, but never goes aboard of them.
Ben. Butler seems to be the lighthouse
keeper of the ship of fState.-Boston Post.
One can always tell a temperance man at
political convention by the fact that he has
his pockets stuffed full of bad cigars which
he took instead of Philadelphia
Call.
A girl on Pennsylvania Avenue, Washing
ton, was overheard to say as she gazed
thoughtfullv al DR.. Mary Walker: "What
pensive looking young man He must be
poet."-ITdterbmy american.
The New York Sun is a great stickler for
pure English, yet it deliberately speaks of
"hebetudinosity." So careful critic ought
to know that the proper form is "hebetudi-
notiousness." s."-Detroit Free Press.
A young Kansas school teacher travelling
East sent the porter of the sleeping car out
for a cup of tea, and when he returned she
was dead. 1t is not known what killed her,
but, judging from the usual length of time
1t takes the porter to do such errands, she
probably died from old age.
"Pa," asked the small boy of the family,
"why do they have COW catchsrs on eugines?"
"Because, my son." replied pa, "because-
the fact is, they have 10 have them IN order
to catch the stock when they want to water
IT," Thus doth the ignorant parent have re-
course TO levity when the small boy asketh
hard suestion.-Boston Transcript.
A citizen who applied to the Fire Marshal
fused on the ground that the fire limits pro-
hibited the erection of such a structure.
After spouting his indignation in round terms
he added: 81 wouldn't be found dead In
such city as this ~ "As for that" slswly
replied the Marshal, ''it won't make much
difference where you die; you'll probably
come within the fire limits anyhow."-B0s.
ton Globe.
Just after the bank had suspended, the
President was standing on the steps when
man came up and asked: "Bank busted ?"
"Yes," sadly replied the President. "Won't
pay any more money out, suppose?" "No."
"Well, L didn't want TO draw any out.
Thought that If the bank wasn't too far gone
| would make q deposit" Certainly, sir,
certainly" unlocking the door. "Step right
in and can accommodate you."-Arkansaw
Trduelier.
A good story is told apropos of a recent
Hamlet, who proposed to play the part Of the
Dane in red cloak, which intention was re-
ported to a Shakspearean actor of the old
school, who said: "Very well; do not see
anything shocking in that" "But is it
right ?" asked his interlocutor. 81 dare say
it is," said the actor; s'red was the color Of
mourning in the royal house Of Denmark"
"But how do you get over this?" persisted
the other, quoting: 'Tis not alone my inky
cloak, good mother" "Well," said the old
Shakspearean, calmly, 81 suppose there is
such thing as red ink"
Delighted young husband-"What treas
ure you are, my love! thought you were
50 bound up in music and painting and en-
broidery and such things that you would not
think of giving attention TO such important
things as meals, but there you have one of
the most delicious plum puddings have
ever eaten" BlushiDg bride-"Oh! do not
forget that you always like nice things"
"But getting such delicacy must have taken
you considerable time ?" "Well, 1t did; but
that was because neither Bridget nor knew
how to get 1t open." "Get what open, love P"
"Why, the can the pudding came in."-Pha.
ddelphia Call.