The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-09-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

w
asks writer. 1t depends to great
extent upon whether his wife has got
tired and gone to sleep or is still wait
ing up for him.
A poetess sings, ''Where Is NY Sailor
Love Tonight" If he sailed on an
an steamer he is probably showing
off from the wreck in q lifeboat before
the rush of the female passengers be-
gins.
A seedy man was recently bewailing
the fact that he had ON a WORKOUT pair
sympathetically there is many an
honest heart beats beneath a pair of
old shoes"
A man advertised for the worst dog
in the city. His idea was that people
are SO fond of their own dogs that
they wouldn't bring a single animal to
him. But he lost his bet. Thousands
called, each bringing his neighbours
dog.
who indicated his office hours by no.
tice on his door, 'In from 10 to l." An
old ship-captain, who kept coming for
about week without finding the con-
sui, at last furiously wrote, in the
terms of wager, under this notice,
''Ten to one you're OUT
''Lucca has the hay fever" says a
foreign correspondent. You bet she
has. All the singing foreigners have
it. They have fever for making hay
while the sun shines, and America is a
cf 1onI ont Of Ioorc mana mill
recover when she takes her usual treat
ment next Winter. Burlinqton HdeUk;-
eye.
ooh, yes, our paper was wonderfully
successful" said a man who printed
reformatory expressions on q handpress.
''At first, though. we were at great
expense for paper, but finally we got
the thing down until two quires were
enough for three editions. Then we
began to make money" -Arkansaw
TrdUeter.
There is gnat here this summer
that crawls up under a persons hair
and bites him on the scalp, causing an
immense lump to swell on his heao. It
is hard for person who has been =
ten by one of these gnats to distinguish
whether it is big bump on his head
or his little head on a big bump.-Pi-
Dcbe Record.
A man in Wexford bought a daily
paper in which he saw an advertise
ment asking for information of his
it and learned that by the death of an
uncle he had fallen heir to $500
The moral of this is, always buy pa
per instead of borrowing one.-Nor-
ristO1Cn Herald
Harrisburg young ladies are delight
fully naive. One of them went to see
a doctor. and the doctor was not at
home. Miss Harrisburg saw upon the
order slate: please call at Blanks
shoe store" and, supposing that the
man of prescriptions was there getting
newly shod, she went after him. Phil
adeIphia Progress.
Emma, | hear you have broken off
with George" Eyes; | am sorry, but
''Why, what did he do?n "Well, YOU
know, last Sunday night, papa kinder
kicked him oft the steps, and when he
came round Monday he brought pair
of slippers, with the toes padded, and
asked me if wouldn't get the old man
to put them on. IN Y. Dial.
Miss Smith has quite a number of
followers. Jones'" Yes; she has
plenty of beaux She's handsome,
rich. witty and amiable; quite prize,
| should say" why don't you make
an effort in that direction? You used
to be quite favorite with her." "Hush;
it's all right. expect to cut them all
out in time, but I'm laying low, as it
were. | want to be considered the
dark horse in the race. See?H
NO" said Fogg meditatively, Il
don't fear what may come to me in
another world; it is the act of dying
that fills me with sort of nameless
dread. don't like the idea of cross
ing the dark river; always was afraid
OF water you know" you shouldn't
let that worry YOU" replied Mrs. F.;
you'll have a splendid chance to dry
your clothes when you reach tie
other side. "-Bost0n Transcript
A tree in Milford, Mass, to which
George Washington tied his horse in
about 1850, was recently cut down and
will be converted into mementoes. AL
though not a very large tree, it is
estimated it viii produce about $50, 600
canes, several hundred armchairs,
about the same numer of lounges, foul
score of bedsteads, and 1000 piano.
stools. The rest will be converted in
to toothpioks and mbrella-handles.
There is no use denying that the
Georgia electric girl" possesses phe-
nomenal strength, and certain persons
only make themselves ridiculous when
they pronounce her fraud. She has
raised 50, 900 mortgage on her faith
er's farm; and, when it is remembered
that it takes whole church congrepa-
ton several years to lift an $500
mortgage on their house of worship,
her feat strikes lis as being superhu-
man.-NorristoUn Herald.
A highwayman recently stopped a
young lady riding on horseback and
demanded her money. She dropped
her purse in the road and then started
On q run for home. The hghwavman
dismOunted to secure the purse, when
his horse started off after the young
lady, following her clear home He
was caught by the girls father, and on
examination So 600 was found in the
saddle pockets. The aforesaid high
wayman must have fslt rather down in
the mouth. -Stephensvit!e Enterprise
As gentleman passed through the
hotel corridor the other day, he heard
lady scream shut the door quick,
there's somebody coming" She had
put on her bathing suit for trial trip in
her mothers room, and was horrified
that man should see her in that fix.
An hour later she and her friend were
lying Oh the BEACH, the waves washing
over them at every throb OF tho SEA,
and she was writing her name in the
sand with her toes, while her merry
laugh sounded above the roar of the
sea, Seaside Letter.
City bOarder-Ths breakfast was not
what | expected. | don't like coffee
without cream or milk. and you had
neither butter nor eggs on the table.
Honest farmer-Wcll, yaas, that was
4 kind of miscalculation, you see.
Sometimes re happen to run short of
butter and eggs and milk ct night and