Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-09-05
FUN

FUN
A FAR SIGHTED OFFICIAL.-Bank pres
Identify dear, suppose you know that
I am not only the president of the bank,
but the owner of most of the stock?
Daughter-Yes, pa.
''And if am not mistaken you are be-
coming rather fond Of Mr.. Lightfinger,
my cashier"
Eyes. ga; confess 1t is true. But how
de you know?"
81 have eyes. But why have you tried
so hard to conceal this from me?''
''Oh, pa, please forgive me; knew you
would object to marriage with a poor
man, and, dreading your terrible anger, 1
have tried nay best to conquer my feelings.
Indeed, indeed | have.''
Conquer them? Great st. Bullion! I
want you to marry him as socn as posi-
ble!"
''Oh, you dear, darling old pa! But
what has wrought this strange metamor.
phosis?''
''Oh. nothing: only I thought it would
be just as we'll to keep all the bank funds
in the family
The train had started off. A young man
rushed breathlessly in. "Got left, did
you 20 "Well, amt here 20 he respond
ed. Then one said he could go across the
bridge and catch it, and another told him
when the next train would go, and made
various suggestions. The chap looked at
the disappearing train few seconds,
when somebody asked, "Where were you
going?" Then the wicked fellow said,
"Oh, WASH It going in it, but there was
fellow in the train to when l prom ist d to
pay bill.
They might just as we'll have two-story
street cars in this country, and they rrob
ably would but for the fear that some
folks would get above others.
"Coonel Wilson is fine-looking man
amt he ?" said friend of ours the 9th er
day.
Y es," replied another 81 was taken
for him once.'' "Youl Why. you re as
ugly as sin - II DON care for that, /
was taken for him. | endorsed his note
AID was taken for him-by the sheriff.
George, DEAR" said sweet young
wife to her husband, 1--we had talk with
the servants this morning and have agreed
to raise their wages. They said everything
was so dear now-rent was SO high and
the price of meat and butter had risen to
such price. and everything-I thought
this was reasonable, because I've so often
Lead you complain of the same thing :"
A man was noticed at one of the hotels
lately trying to negotiate trade with sew
eral other guests. He had purchased
morning paper, read it, and wanted to
trade it fer another one. After fifteen
minutes of negotiation he succeeded,
whereupon he bought three cigars for
half dollar, had his boots BACKED and
gave the porter % cents for the job. Why
is it that nickie spent for newsp apers
looks as big as dollar spent for anything
else.
coed woman" said man on coun-
try road, Ibid you see a bycicle pass here
just now 20 mo, didn't see any bind by
sickle, Mister; but just now seen wagon
wheel running away with man. You kin
believe it OF no. l wouldn't if I hadn It
seen it myself.
A vicar OF country parish had occa-
sion lately to demonstrate with a lowly
member of his flock, who had regularly
been Conspicuous by his absence" from
service. Hodge hazarded the excuse that
he didn't consider himself sufficiently
qualified to attend. "Why not 2" urged
the vicar; 'you have been confirmed. :"
'.Yes, sir, )" replied Hodge, and vaccinated
tov, but neither of 'em took"
II think crime is on the Increase OBJ
served one dude to another as they went
to the bench show. "Why?" asked his
companion. Everybody seems to be 60
ing to the dogs" and he thereupon made
up his mind that he was born to be par
agrapher.
"Your mind is in twilight state" OBJ
served the good man. "You cannot differ
entuate the grains of mistrust from the
molecules of reasonable confidence. You
are travelling the border land, the frontier
between the paradise of faith and the arc
tic regions of incredulity, You are ag-
nostic. "Divil bit," said Pat with min
gled amaZement and Indignation: ''I'm
Dimmycrat. livery inch O. me-"
sis your master up ?" asked an early
visitor of a nobleman's valet. Eyes, SIR"
answered the valet with great innocence;
''the butler and I carried him up about
three O'clock"
"Gentlemen, you may not think it. but
have stood on the top end Of the ladder, :"
sail IN inebriated individual who was ha-
rang uing the -"Troth, thin" ex.
claimed one of his bearers, THAT same
ladther must a been lynn fiat on the
ground.
First young man swell. did you make
the acquaintance of that strange girl you
were raving over ?" Second, ditto ''Y es,
followed her home" First young man :
''IIow did she strike you ?" Second,
ditto: She didn't strike me at all, she got
her big brother to do it.
A boy says in his composition that on
ions are the vegetables that make you
sick when you don't eat them yourself.