Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1884-10-16
CAMPAIGN NOTES.

1t is now whispered that only few days
/ ago Belva was kissed by morning zephyr.
Boston Post.
'tThis is disagreeable duty" said the re-
| turning European tourist he ponied up at
! the custom house.-Brooklyn Times
''We must protect our gold mines!" ex-
| claims an editor ''That's Just the way it
| goes. An editor always has SO many things
/ to look after that there's no fun in life at
all. Huntington Free Press.
sIs land high in Vernnont:' asked a specu-
| 1ator of a Green Mountain farmer. "You
| just bet it is, % was the reply EIf the trees
wasn't so stunted the clouds couldn't get by
at ALL Burlington Free Press.
j A Massachusetts man committed suicide
because it rained on day chosen for pic
mic. He was not as wise as the experienced
| Pennsylvania youth who committed suicide
because it didn't rain Philadelphia Call.
| Burglar-''Don't make sound OF I'll kill
you. Tell me, quick, where are your valua-
bles 2" Victim-'My what a' Burglar
EfYour valuabIes." Victim-e'I guess you
have made mistake. Pm an editor "-Bos-
1 ton Post.
| Waiter, didn't tell you to give me a
piece of melon off the ices" ''Yaas, sab, you
| did, sah." ''Well, this piece is as warm as a
| tin roof" ''Yaas, sab. OATS cause hits off
| de ice, sab. Dey's allus VAIN when dey's off
de ice, ah."-Chicago News.
Diek-''How old are you %
| Joe-'ETm goin' on g..
| Dick-ssOh. that amt much: Pm 81
Joe-''Well, you needn't be SO stuck up
about it. My ma says I can be 8, too, after
she gets married again. Philadelphia Call
| ''Well, my daughter, your mother and 1
have been consulting recently about the
windows for our new house. What kind
would you like in the parlor @ "Oh, thank
| you, papa for seeking my advice. l should
| prefer beau windows, by all means. '-Bos-
| ton Budget.
One of our physicians, driving in the rain
| and mud the other day, was upset in ditch.
! Some persons, seeing the mishap, went to
! his assistance. Wiping the mud from his
| eyes and mouth, he said, 'fGood morning,
! gentlemen, what can do for you ?''-Water-
| loo Observer.
An undertaken came into the house look
ing respondent and presently tears welled
| into his eyes. "What is the matter?" asked
his wife. Something gone wrong at the. of
| ice" "You knew that DR.. B. had been
sick for day or twos" Eyes" 'FHe died
this morning. New York Sun.
'sMy child, cannot consent to you marry
ing young Henry. You know perfectly well
you are engaged to william eyes, papa;
but William is a three years cruise. u
| tFWell, what has that to do with it2' F'Why
should I waste the time? Henry has solemn
| 1y promised that he will consent to a divorce
| as soon as William arrives. San Francisco
| Chronicle.
$50 you are the new girl said the board
/ ers to the new waiter; 'Eand by what name
are we to call youa" "Pearl, said the maid,
with saucy toss of her head. 'Oh!' asked
| the smart boarder, ''you the pearl of
great price?'' 'tNo, I'm the pearl that was
cast before swine" There was long 81
lence, broken only by the buzz of the flies in
| the milk pitcher Providence News.
L.
store last night, Mr.. Isaacs !' NYa, aber
| dey dond dake anythings." 'EWere they
| frightened away 90 'sYa, der low brices
marked on der goots frightened dem away.
Bime-by dey come rount und buy der goots
| Dots cheaper den stealing. Dots t-Veluh-
1 dollar coat: take him for dhree dollar New
/ York Mail.
ssSir!" he began as he entered the water
Office yesterday, ''your men have shut the
| water off at my house!n EEYesr' 'SCan you
tell me the reason?' 'I can; the quarter
ran out and you didn't pay" ''And did you
shut the water off because you thought I
WASH good for three or four dollarsg" ''Oh,
no; it was simply because you hadn't paid
| the three or four dollars" "Ah! I see!
That alters the case altogether, and I will pay
and you can turn the water on. Detroit
Free Press.
Preserving the Unities.-Some Austin am
ateurs gave theatrical performance. Just
before the performance began the leading
actor said to the manager: 'FNow look here;
I don't propose to drink water instead OF
wine in the drinking scene in the second act.
I want wine, genuine wine. The unities
have to be preserved. No more of your ini-
tation wine" 80, you want champagne at
So bottle, do you!' eyes, Stree. l want
the unities preserved" "All right; the uni
ties shall be preserved In the second act
you shall have real wine, and when you take
poison in the last act I'll see that you have
real poison. I'll see that you don't complain
again of the unities not being preserved. -
Texas Siftings.