Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-08-13
pLEASANTRIES.

uA1bG6Q SulC1Oo yesterday. AhAo Ooh
science doth make towards OF us ALL
Cincinnati Times Star.
"TooDLEs, did you ever see my pen
point?" mo; but I've seen your ink
stand" "How can that be when they
both are stationery?"
A DONKEY that is double breasted be-
low the heels can command more re-
spect than a man hght-waisted above
the eyebrows.
KANSAS CITY boasts of having a
woman who can speak eight languages.
1t is needless to remark that her hus-
band is dead.
times money" growled the disap-
pointed creditor, swell" replied the
prosecuted debtor, haven't l always
said I'd payeyou in time"
"PAPA," asked Josie, what makes
people seasick?" "Why, dot, riding
over water" "Then why doesn't the
street sprinkler get sea sick2" Papa
gave it up South and West.
"YEs, my boy" said Mr.. Malaprop to
his son, animals that eat meat are car
boniferous, while those like ourselves,
that eat both flesh and vegetables. are
amphibious." San Francisco Wasp.
FoGG says he doesn't believe it pays
in the end to get your landlord to make
extensive repairs. Putting new wood
into an old building is like putting new
clothes into old raiment The rent is
made worse Boston Transcript.
A DETROIT paper says: "The bi-
cyclist beat the zampillarotationist at
Ann Arbor last week" We don't
know what kind of an animal it is, but
are glad to know that the bicycist
came off victorious.
SOME one has discovered that the
high-heeled shoes worn by women
produce softening of the brain. It was
not generally known that the brain of
women who. wear such shoes was To-
Gated SO low; but it seems plausible
enough.
GEN. SHERMAN, who has at last paid
his license for extra street-washing
water, added to lis letter: "The city
of st. Louis reminds me very much Of
hotel in Omaha whose proprietor adj
vertised, Terms, $3.50 per day: board
and lodging extra
A CORRESPONDENT writes us that the
subioined queries and replies recently
OCCuIICQ Ill OC1OOA'
-@How many men haveyou read of by
the name of James?" Scholar-"Two."
Teacher-"What we're their names %
Scholar Frank and JESSE"
THAT was very solemn though IN
conscious joke perpetrated by the Potts
vile police on the Fourth, when they
erected an arch over the entrance to
the station house and painted swell
come" on it in very large letters Phil
adelphia Times.
A BARBER says-barbers are forever
saying something-that it is the rich
and not the poorest man who becomes
bald the soonest. The barber is prob
ably right. A poor mans blessing, you
know. The less there is to inherit, the
more abundant the heirs Boston
Transcript.
A CINCINNATI schoolboy thus began
and ended Patrick Henry's famous
speech: ''Mr. President, it is natural to
indulge-to indulge-to-. MIR. Presi-
dent, it is natural for man TOTO in
dulge."- Cincinnati Commercial Ga
zette.
The dressmaker recommended that
a shirring be put upon some portion of
Dots new dress. Mamma" said Dot,
"what is shirring?" "WeIl, my child,
a shirring 1s-is-a gathering" "Oh,
yes, mamma; I had a shirring in my
ear last winter. > Boston Globe.
A RURAL editor says: "We are now
at peace with the whole world" Aud in
the same issue he calls the editor of a
rival sheet ga brainless bufoon, whose
love- l. II
may be at peace with the whole world,
but he has an original way of manifest
ing it. [Binghampton Republican,
"PAPA, why does that man make such
noise?" asked a little boy, pointing to
a chap who was trying to extricate his
wagon from the mud. II don't know
but I've heard that the fellow who puts
his shoulder to the wheel generally
raises a hub, bub," replied the father,
who spoke as if such a question made
him tired Brooklyn Eagle.
LITTLE JACK-s'Tell me story, aunt
ie" Old Maid Aunt-"What kind of a
story?" ooh, just story without any
moral to it, and without, any instruc-
ton either. don't like the kind my
governess tells" "Wen, let me see.
OQ, yes, Wu0u L Was SlTA-.-- vi,
don't like that kind" "What kind p
'Stories about ancient history Phila-
delphia Call.
LITTLE Tom-"You are going with
us to our picnic. amt your Young
Squipps- Eyes, my dear child. Your
sister honred me with an invitation,
and | would not miss such an oppor-
tunity for the world. By the way,
Tom, here is new silver dollar, Now
| want you to tell me something want
to know. Mr.. Gayfellow isn't going, is
hep" Tom-aOh, yes" Squipps-
Hang himl thought I would have
your sister al to myself to-day" Tom
-"But you shouldn't want to hang
Mr.. Gayfellow, He was the one who
told sister to invite you" Squipps-
"He? Why what did he want me for?
Tom-"To carry the baskets"
AT the recent Vassar exercises it was
shown that the senior class was
thoroughly grounded in the "Ethics of
;efT- M