The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-01-04

WHY WE LAUGH.
Advice to a bachelor: Much of young
mans success in life depends On his selec-
tiop Of father.

Advice to bachelor: Much of a young
mans success in life depends on his selec
tion Of father.
The use of alligator leather has become SO
general that II causes the slaughter, every
year, Of 6,0Oo, 900 pigs.-Peck's Sun.
The Koran says, "God is with the patient. "
After the doctor is called In, however, II
often happens that the patient Is with his
God.-Bost0n Transcript.
A Vermont editor, In publishing one Of
| Byrons poems, changed the words "Oh
| godsw to "Oh gosh :" as a concession to the
prevailing sentiment Of his village.
Rev. Mr.. Beechsr says that four-ffths of
| the inhabitants Of heaven are women. Per-
haps that Is the reason 1t is called heaven.
And perhaps not.-Norristo,v Herald. -.a'
One of the robbers killed at Shelby, Ohio,
leaves wife who Is described as "very
beautiful and having the carriage of a LADY
OF culture" The lady of culture from whom
that carriage was stolen should come for
ward and regain her property.
Newbern, Tenn, has law that imposes
fine Of not less than $25 or more than $50, on
any person who goes Into saloon on Sun
day. The citizens think 1t Is q very unjust
law that impels man TO enter saloon oil
Saturday night and remain there until Mon
day neutrality-suspicious. Herald.
One of the survivors of the black hole of
Calcutta was Sir David Baird. When his
mother, canny, undemonstrative old Scotch
lady, was told Of the horrors experienced in
the black hole on that awful night by the
survivors, she merely remarked "Lord help
the man that was chained to ma Dayie p,
The least destructible portion Of the hu-
man body Is the hair. In Egypt 1t has been
known to survive 1000 years. and the
Egyptian women were not as careful of their
hair, either, as are the women of the pres
ent day. They never took 1t off at night and
hung 1t over the back of chair to prevent
1t from getting worn out.-Norristogn Her.
aid.
NOT SUBJECT.
make me pun" said merry King
To jolly joker at his side.
Then give me subject-anything,"
The pungent punster quick replied.
Make it on me, )" then chuckled the King,
As he gently stroked his robe of fur
al could make one, sire, that smiles would
But 'of the King is not a subject, SIR"
Too cruel for anything: Brute--Well,
Ethel, how did you make out? Angel (un-
der treatment for her voice)-I didn't like 1t |
at all, and don't see why the doctor finds 1t |
necessary to run an instrument down nv
throat so far that 1t seems as If he would |
touch my heart? Brute-Oh, he was proba- |
bly, trying to find the end of your tongue,
my dear.
A love story: Miss Rosalie Roseleaf,
was sitting one summer evening with Hollis |
Ho!worthy on the veranda. The moon was |
shining brilliantly. Silence had relgnee for |
some moments, when Rosalie, who, as the |
books say, was not a thousand miles away |
from Hollis purple cravat, looked up sud.
denly In his face and sighed, II must go In |
At ten Is it ten yet ?" "No, DEAR SAID he.
looking ~ hss watch, r'it Ii OMIT ten minutes I
TO ten" A soft, restful expression spread |
over Resalie's face at these words, and she |
said, "Then we may stay here ten minutes
more; ten precious minutes here In the
beautiful moonlight" aud her head again
returned to point not a thousand miles
distant from Hollis purple cravat. Then
poor Hollis, just as If the whole affair was a
purely business transaction, blurted out,
But my watch Is ten minutes slow" Poor,
orosaic Hollis lost by slip of the tongue
he sweetest girl this side of Cambridgepert.
-Hdruard Ldmpo0R.