Daily Republican., 1884-04-09

30 We. wht n comes the close Of day,
To weary heart and wearier mind,
NAV leave the dull. lsbortous way,
The thankless tasks behind.
May seek once more tho verdsnt plains,
May roam by silent streams along,
Through that 'sir realm whore Fancy Ieigns
Where bloom the flowers Of Song
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak takes every pre-
caution to prevent her friends
from discovering her age. She
even forbids her children from
telling their own ages-althOugh
she refuses to tell them why she does
so-the reason being for fear that some
one might rightly calculate the moth.
er's years. The other day lady called,
and while little Jennie, aged four years,
was entertaining her in the parlor, her
mother not having mad3 her appear.
ance yet, the stranger asked {: " How
old are you, my little grip" "Oh,
mama won't let me tell how old nm, 4"
said Jennie, boldly; "but mamma is
forty-two, and perhaps you can guess
now Old l am.
"Will you do me a favor ?" said
young Brooks to his wealthy friend,
Simon Hanson. "What Is it, q eorgs?"
said Hanson. 81 wish you to lend me
ten pounds" "Call at my counting
house." rejoined Hanson. George was
not long in paying his respects.
" What security can you give me.
young gentleman 2" "My personal
security, sir" Very well get in
here" said Hanson, lifting upthe lid
Of large iron chest "Geti in there !"
exclaimed George, in astonishment !;
/" what for ?" d why, this is where |
always keep my personal securities. y
George did not press the loan.
Have you got any buff trimming
to go with this?" asked q sharp-looking
woman Of young man in diapers.
+" l think 80, miss" answered the man,
taking down piece of goods and spread
ing it on the counter. Buff, DO you
call that?" exclaimed the woman.
"Guess you don't know business, young
man! That's too dark for buff"
" But, miss, that is" It's too dark!
can see it, stupid" "Why, of course
it's too dark. my dear young lady per.
sisted the man. It's blind mans buff
the new shade, you see." He sold the
goods.
A young drug clerk went to see
" her" the other night and with low
er's familiarity entered the parlor with
out knocking. The room was dark, but
he knew he was expected, and thought
he heard the rustic of a dress In q
gloomy corner. "Elfvida 2" he exclain
ed in passionate tones, what, hiding ?
What art thou doing, my pretty one 2"
Sucking a neg, boss"'-unmistakably
came from Elfrida's brother behind the
sofa. And the drug clerk laid his head
on the window sill and wspt until FL
frida came In with lamp.
An eccentric commercial traveller,
we'll known on the road, lately aston.
ished the ostler at country inn by ad-
dressing him as follows: "My lad, ex-
tricate my quadruped from the vehicle,
him, donate him a sufficiert
supply Of nutritious aliment, and when
the aurora of morn shall again illumi-
nate the oriental horizon, I will award
you a pecuniary compensation for your
hospitality"
noticed that q Spanish girl of my
held her fan half open. l
asked the philosophy of the thing. |
" Why, you wouldn't have me hold 1t
any other way, would you?" she
said with mild surprise. "What
difference does it make?" "All the
difference. I'll keep 1t closed, 1t means
l hate you ~ Heaven forbid! "And if
l open 1t wide, it means l Low g.
YOU" As she began to open it l fled.
Two eminent members of the bar
quarreled 30 violently. that from words
they came to blows. The more power.
full man knocked down his adversary
twice, exclaiming with vehemence,
/" You scoundrel, I'll make you behave
yourself like gentleman" To which |
the other rising answered with equal
indignation, /" No, sir, never defy
you'll defy you-you cant do It'll"
What would you do if you were l
and l were your" tenderly inquired a
young swell of his lady friend, as he
Tier from church. WE'LL"
oho odius "oAo you "ouiu sAAoW
away that vile cigarette, cut up my
cane for fire-wood, wear my watch
chain underneath my coat, and stay
1t home nights and pray for brains"
Board-school visitor examining
scholar: "Where is the north pole ?"
II don't know, SIR" "Don't know
Are you not ashamed that you don't
xnow where the north pole is?"
. Why, sir, If Sir John Franklin and
DR.. Kane and Captain Mares and Mark
nam couldn't find it, how should know
where 1t IL %
When Scotchman answers a ques.
ion he settles the matter in dispute
,nce for all. On certain occasion the
question was asked "Why was Mary
queen of Scots born at LiDlitbgow ?"
sandy Kerr promptly answered: "Be.
,auae her mither was staying there,
'ir," and there actually seemed nothingl
more to say on the subject.
A shabbily-dre.sed woman called
lpon a gentleman for aid, claiming she .
vas in a starving condition. Helooked
lpon her pleth0ric form, estimating the
of the superhnous fat, and
"You don't look like a {
tarving woman" 81 know it," she
vhiningly answered "I'm bloated
With grief." Il
A mother.in.law, not feeling very ,
veil, had sent for the doctor, who soon ,
made his appearance and felt her pulse
n the presence of her daughter's hus.
,and. "Please open your mouth; hum, s
bad tongue!' Sonin-law, aside, to 8
he doctor: "That is not a symptom OF
disease In her CASE
Mamie having been helped twice to ,
on the table, slid down
rom her chair with sigh. "Thcre [
low" said her mamma, III suppose yon
ave eat 80 much that you feel uncom-
ortabIe. "I DON'T" said Mamie, II
Iuickly, with toss Of her little head,
/ only feel nice and smooth C