Morning journal and courier., 1884-02-04
PAIN FIJI.

The impression prevails that the Standard Oil company got the Senatorship in Ohio by Payne for it.-Oil City Blizzard. A little six-year-oId orphan, upon being l asked to name the greatest festival in the church replied, ''The strawberry festival. "- l The Hoosier.
 1 The greatest curiosity in the way of a cir GUS next sea on will bs the one that doesn't 1 exhibit the "white elephant" and it would be warranted in doubling the price of its admission. on.-Norristown Herald. A priest visited coachman who was ser 1 iously ill. ''Have you the habit of going to church P'' 'I can't say that have, said the ooachman, in feeble. voice. but I have driven a great many persons there !''-Ex- change.
 Clara writes us, asking where she can pro cure copy of ''Ehe Arabian night thoug ghts ? 1 Clara probably means .tYoung's Ten Night 1 Thoughts in Arabian Bar-rooms." It can be obtained at any reputable drug store.-Cin- cinnati Saturday Night l Miss Gimps," said Fort Wayne lady to 1 another during recent call. t'why don't you 1 join the Daughters of Temperance ?'' ! ''Cause." "Cause why P'' "Why-why-' was the blushing reply, 'I intend to join one l of the sons in month. .'-8oosier. | No excuse. An absent-miuded Austin Jus- 1 tice of the Peace, whose customers are prin cipally inebriates who are brought hefore Lis court, vas called on to marry 8 couple. He did not make any mistake until he asked the bride if she took the groom to be her welded husband sI do '' And what are the miti- gsting circumstances, if any?" inquired the | absent-minded justice.-Texas Siftings. An Irishman, seeing the gas lighted shortly after his arrival in London, examined the fixture closely, went to a store and purchased one like it, threw up good job, and return ed post haste to Ireland. An why is it ye're home so soon?" inquired his old mother. 'Shure, whist 1t is mother. It's fortune I've brought behint me Wait bit an I'll show ye." Pat accordingly proceeded to make hole in the mud wall, and to fix the gas-pipe therein. sIn about the waste of @ minute yer eyes I'll be fit to hang me hat on, <" he remarked to the wondering fami- ly, as he struck match and applied it to the end of the pipe. Match after match burned away without producing the brilliant flame which Pat had seen in London. He sat down and scratched his head in despair ''Shure," he said, If it would only go as it went in London, I'd a made no end of fortune sellin' 1t. t."-Harper's Bazar.
 AN OHIO DITTY.
 Mary had little lamb,
 Down in Ohio State,
 And, ere it grew to be ram,
 Most dis mAl was it's fate.
 Its fleece was long and white and furl
 And Mary loved to shear
 Her lamb for the amount of wool
 It brought her twice year.
 Rut once, upon summers day,
 She learned, to her dsiection,
 Her wool investment didn't pay
 And so she craved protection.
 And then, with many pleading word
 And copious flow of tears,
 She dew to genial Mr. Hurd
 To set at rest her fears.
 But Mir. Hurd ia scorn did hold
 Poor Mary and hsr kid,
 And when their tale of wee was told
 No kindly act he did.
 In vain for help the maiden cried
 Upon her bsnded knees;
 'No tariff, grl.'' the man replied
 "Go. serve your lamb with peasi"
 So Mary slew her little lamb
 As might have been expected,
 For little lambs aren't worth a--
 When they are not protected.
 Chicago News.