Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1884-12-25
CHAPTER Ii.
A VILLAINS BLOW.


They tell me there are natures stern enough
to be able to crush love out of their lives. All!
not such love as mine! Time, they say, can
heal every wound. Not such a wound as
mine! My whole existence underwent
change when Philippa showed me the we'd
ding-ring on her finger. No wonder it did.
Hope was eliminated from it. From that
moment was changed man.
Life was no longer worth living The
spur of ambition was blunted; the desire for
fame gone; the interest which I had hith.
erto felt in my profession vanished. All tbo
spring, the elasticity, seemed taken out of
my being. For months and months l lid
my work in a perfunctory manner. 1t gave
me no satisfaction that my practice grew
larger worked, but cared nothing for
my work. Success gave me no pleasure. An
increase to the number Of my patients was
positively unwelcome to me. So long as /
made money enough TO SUPPLY my daily
needs, what did it matter? Of what uss
was wealth to mea 1t cou d not buy me the
one thing for which craved. OF what use
was life2 No wonder that such friends as l
had once possessed all but forsook ME. My
mood at that time vas none of the sweetest.
wanted no friends. l was alone in the
world; should be always alone.
So things went on for more than year. /
grew worse instead of better. My gloom
deepened; my cynicism grew more con-
firmed; my life became more and more
aimless.
These are not lovers rhapsodies. would
spare you them if could; butt is necessary
that you should know the exact state of my
mind in order to understand my subsequent
conduct. Even now it seems to me that
am writing this description with my hearts
blood.
Not word came FROM Philippa. male
no inquiries about her, took no steps to trace
her. l dared not. Not for one moment did
forget her, and through all those weary
months tried to think of her as happy and to
be envied; yet, in spite of myself, l shud-
dered as l pictured her lot as it might
really be.
But all the while / knew that the day
would come when I should learn whether
was to be thankful that my prayer had been
answered, or to be prepared to keep my
vow.
In my misanthropical state of mind |
heard without the slightest feeling of joy or
elation that distant relative of mine, q
man from whom l expected nothing, had
died and left me the bulk of his large prop
erty. Icared nothing for this unexpected
wealth, except for the fact that it enabled
me to free myself from a round of toll in
which by now took not the slightest inter-
est. Had it but come two or three years
before. Alas all tho things in this life come
too late.
Now that was no longer forced to min
Il u, to as,, q
living. absolutely stunned my kind. The
wish of my youth, to travel in far countries,
no longer existed with me. l disposed of
my practice-or rather I simply handed it
over to the first conner. | left the town of
my adoption and bought a small house-it
was little more than cottage-some five
miles away from the tiny town of Roding.
Here was utterly unknown, and could live
exactly as | chose; and for months it was
my choice to live almost like a hermit
My needs were ministered to by a man
who had been for some years in my EN-
ployment. He was a handy, faithful fel-
low; honest as the day, stold as the Sphinx
and, for some reason or other, so much at.
tached to me that he was willing to perform
on my behalf the duties of housekeeping
which are usually relegated to female ser.
wants.
Looking back upon that time of seclusion,
as medical man, wonder what would
eventually have been my fate if events had
not occurred which once more forced me
into the world of mens firmly believe that
brooding in solitude over my grief would al
last have affected my brain; that sooner OF
later l must have developed symptoms OF
melancholia. Professionally speaking, the
probabilities are / should have committed
suicide.
Even in the depth of my degradation
must have known the dangers of the patl
which / was treading; for, after having
passed six dreary months in my lonely cot
tage was trying to brace myself to seek 6
change of scene. l shrank from leaving
my quiet abode; but every day formed
afresh the resolve to do so
Yet the days, each the same as its fore
runner, went by, and l was still there.
had books, of course. I read for days to
gether; then | would throw the volumes
aside, and, with bitter smile, ask mysel
to what end was I directing my studies
The accumulation of knowledges Tush |
would give all the learning had acquired
all that lifetime of research could acquire
to hold Philippa for one brief moment t,
my heart and hear her say she loved me
If in the whirl of men, in the midst of hare
work, found it impossible to conquer m,
hopeless passion, how could ! expect to d.
SO living as at present liveda
There. my egotistical descriptions are al
most over. Now you know why said tina