The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-12-13
WIT AND HUNiOR.

Mother Hubbard at the same time.
An Indiana school-teacher arrested q
man for kissing her without permission.
Verdict-Not guilty on account of in
sanity.
4 young lady who was blamed for
allowing her glove to be discovered in
| young mans pocket stated that she
had no hand in it.
The half dollarof 1926 is not rare"
says a Philadelphia authority. Indeed,
no. 1t is the half dollar of 1884 that is
rare CoUrier-JOmRal.
A horse hung itself in Jersey City
Wednesday. 1t was probably jealous
of the coachman's attention to the
young lad es of the family.
Several young girls have been APP
pointed station agents in Minnesota,
and engineers are keeping a sharp
lookout for misplaced switches.
'Do cats thinkpn queries writer
Yes, they sometimes think the man in
the window with the night-cap on is q
mighty poor shot with a bootjack.
A little boy complained to his mother
that the teacher couldn't remember his
name. "When she speaks to me-" he
says, 'she always calls me Silence"
A Detroit man is writing about kisses
in literature. There cannot, however,
be much more kissing in literature I'M
til more ladies shall be put upon the
editorial staff.
1t has been discovered that accord
cons were invented before the Christian
era. This fact makes it all the more
remarkable that Christian era should
have ever arrived -N0rriStoa0n Herald.
Captain! Captainr' cried the nerv-
Gus traveller, 1.-THE vessel is sinking;
I'm sure it is" Calm yourself, my
dear SIR" replied the Captain, 1--WE
have large insurance on the cargo"
as land high in Vermont?n asked
Spectator of an old Green Mountain
farmer. You just bet il isl was the
reply, 'lf the trees want so stunted
the clouds couldn't get by at ALP
BurllRgton Free Press.
"Oh, do 50 dole on the sea- she
gurgled. IF you only had yacht,
Augustus dearii' q have no Yacht,
Wilhelmina," he sighed, "but | can
give you a little smack. And then it
sounded as if cork had blown out of
bottle
Very big boy-"Please Miss Blank.
don't think father would like to have
me kept in after school," Pretty
young teacher-"Why not, if he knows
1t is for breaking the rules?" Big boy
this is leap year, you know She
let him off.
A new book is entitled "Short Say
ings of great men, When are we
to have the Great Sayings of Short
MenP" We asked this question of a
little man who came into the Office the
other day, and he says such Il book
would be too large for any binding.
Wife, notice statement to the eff
feet that in this city every year$22, 0OO,-
900 are spent for liquor, but only
S7000,000 for religion That's sgrf-
cont. Husband Significant of what?
Wife-That YOU men are having pleas
anter time in this world than YOU will
in the next
The broad pronunciation of the VOW
tls is enforced now by the stage man
ayers of the theaters. 1t is funny TO
hear an undoubted "Yank' struggling
to smooth off his sibilant notes and
soften his sharp phrases TO the fashion
able minor keys. 1t is ridiculous also
as well as funny y star.
"a grant an absolute divorce to both
parties" replied the Judge "Call the
next case. But the children Your
honor, What disposition shall be made
of them?' Equal division. Let
each party take half Call the next"
"But there are three OF them, your
hon Cant help it. That's their
lookout not mine. Call the next case"
N. y. Sun.
The remains Of an English traveller
bad been eXhumcd for intcrmcnt in tho
family vault. When the coffin was
opened the spectators started back in
alright "Why, these appear to be
the remains OF lion" Yes" re-
piled nephew Of the deceased with a
sign, "that the lion that ate him up;
uncle's inside Of him.
misunderstanding, bub! What's
that you've got therc9" Small boy
"a toy pistol" Undertaker-"All
right; wait minute" Goes in and
gets tape measure and measures the
boy height) "Tell your father that
! W III be around about o'clock to
make the necessary ar angements. "
Burdhgton Free Press.
Professor Mach, scientist of
Prague, is reported to have carried the
art OF instantaneous photography to
the point of securing photographs Of
bullet in It's flight, Ii may be possible,
few years hence, when the arr of pho.
Biography is still further developed. to
take photograph of New York
bank officer in his flight to Canada
NoTis'oUn Herad
In u Boston paper Is lady's adver-
tlsement 'For Il careful man TO look
after the house and be company for
her dog during her absence in Europe
1T takes pretty good man TO be com
| pany for lirst-class dog anywhere: TO
he company for "A Boston dog would tax
| tI.AA 4. 4