The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1884-12-11
WIT AND HUMOR,

60 81 w paraSfapher. because le
neas from him, of course. B0rli,sqtop
so you think John is becoming a
great man in the cityP" said farmer.
speaking of his absent son to q COM
panion of the youth. Great mani /
should say so. Why. there amt q bar
Keeper in the city hardly that he don't
cali by his first name"
When Mrs. Homespun read in tho
paper that Slappandash had failed for
$2OO, O0O' she said he was lucky fol-
low. She thought-the innocent crea-
ture-that he got that much money by
talllngP What ridiculous ideas the
women do have about businessl
When Mrs. Pinaphore read that
200 Chow had fallen" she said that
This might be good news to those who
liked the stuff, but she wouldn't buy
tho mixture if 1t were to fall to three
cents a quart 1t is supposed the good
woman was thinking OF chow chow.
Said Jones: "Wo're going to run
Blif kins for Judge this fali" Said
smith: "Blifkins! What does he know
about lawP" Nothing at all. He
never saw law book. That's tho
reason we are going to run him. We
think that If he is Is gnorant of law we
may get little Justice"
Blunkin and his wife had been in
dulging in a family discordance and
finally Mrs. B. exclaimed: "Well, Iye
got my opinion of any man that talks
as you do" 'Oh, have you! Well.
you can keep it If you want to-" mo.
L can't, either. It's so awfully bad al
ready that it won't keep"
WHAT" asks very tender writer,
what can take the place of babiesP''
Oh! Bend your ear little closer and
Wei toll you. Other babies. You
dldn. suppose this years crop would
last forever. did your Goodness, man,
1t will be clear out of style in eighteen
months.-Brooklyn Eagle.
The neatest fraud in Saratoga is said
TO be girl who is apt ut making such
worry disingenious remarks rs this;
'Deary me. Sophy, you have just tho
samo perfume in your scent bottle that
your brother Dolph puts on his mus
tache. And then sho wonders wide
eyed what thoy arc laughing ut.
For the sake of truth mon should bo
moro careful how they talk. 1t was
but yesterday that we heard n gentlc.
man say OF n pretty girl who had lust
passed: "Sho is sweet girl" when
on investigation we found that ho had
never even kissed her. SUCH talk Is an
outrage on truth. .-Kcntucky State Jour-
nal
a teacher asked bright littlo girl
the other day what country was oppo-
site to us on the globe. IL don't know.
sir, was the reply. well, now"
pursued tho teacher, "if were to boro
n hole through the earth and you were
to go in ut this end. where would YOU
como outp" "OuL Of the hole, sir"
said the pupil in triumph. York
World.
How wet the poor dear boys hair
Is. exclaimed tho loving mother, as
she placed her hand tenderly upon her
child's head. playing out in tho
hot sun makes the perspiration start
from every pore" And little William
Henry turned aside as he thoueht to
himself that he would go in swimming
again just as often rs he could while
tho hot weather lasted. LoaDeH Citi-
zen.
Sccno at tho San jose train: Cen
tleman in scat Enter lady. Gentle
man rises, gives his seat to lady, leaves
his yalise under the seat, goes into the
smoking car. Next station. Young
lady looking out Mt window. Man
rushes along, looking for his valise.
4 oung lady hands 1t out. Next sta
ton. Gentleman comes from smokino
car, bends down under scat apologies
to lady for troubling her to rise. Young
lady gets up. No valise. Tableau.S
San francisco Chronicle.
The tallest bird known to etbnolo.
gists was found by Professor Herbert
In tho lowor eocene deposits near
Paris, France. 1t was over twelve feet
in height and could have bitten q mans
head off as easily as q woodpecker can
nip cherry. We cannot be too thank
full that this bird has gone out of fash
ion and existence. Ladies' would have
wanted to wear it on their hats and
men who sat bohind such bonnet orna-
ments in the theatres would be unable
TO see whether ballet or a PRAYER
meeting was in progress on the stage,
-NorriSt01U11 Herald.
One of our English cousins was re-
Gently placed at dinner by tho side of
a charming woman who had been re-
quested by the hostess to amuso the
''' ~ Ihoy "oho BcLtluR on worry
well, when he drew attention to a guest
opposite by saying: go. say, do look
at that spotted mana did you ever see
such an objeotp" Aud tho lady said
with much dignity, to stop his prattle
If possible: Yes; that is my hus.
band. " And the wretch said: "Oh.
how jolly, you know, because you can
tell me-is no really spotted all ovorP''
The happy lot Of the streot-car driver
!s thus described by an ironical driver
In New York: Tho horses have to walk,
you know, but the driver just loans up
against the dashboard and rides II
you're fond Of ridin' it's a soft Job.
Fourteen shillin' day is big sum OF
money to pay out for seventeen hours
work, but the company is rich and can
stand 1t. 1t costs driver very littlo
TO live, because he doesn't have time to
cat anything. used to keep most of
my money in the bank, but SO many
OF 'em arc Dustin up that I drhwed It
oil out, and now I've got 1t up to the
house packed away in barrels.
She was a remarkably sensible Young