The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1884-02-14
LOSERS OF KEYS.
a E0cksrnith's Discourse on Some of
the pcculiarities of His Gus
toner.
New York SUM-


New York SUM-
"Oh. no. wouldn't care for thieves
trade--it isn't worth a cent But give
me the servants trade and all the night
KEY business, and ] would do we'll
New York is the greatest place on earth
in which to sell night keys. Did you
know that night keys are generally
lost near mems own houses? The rea
son is that many men when they have
been little indiscreet at the club COM
mence to make elaborate preparations
for entering their houses while they are
still half block or more away. They
will get the key ready first, and while
they are pulling their clothing straight
or fixing their hat, will lose it.
"A customer of this kind that l had
for six years told me once how he got
lesson. 1t seems that he always had to
work on particular plan-couldn't
help it. He would first take out his
key, and then sit on his doorstep to pull
off his boots. During the latter opera
ton he would lay down his key and lose
it and be obliged to ring. Sometimes
he would lose both the key and his
boots, but he never dared to mention
the fact at the breakfast table. He
asked me once-it was the day after
Christmas--to guess what present his
wife had given him. Well, sir, it con-
sisted of eleven night keys and
three pairs of boots Between the
servant girl and the milkman the crop
had been gathered in and given to the
the old lady in single year.
"There's one fact that | never could
good memories otherwise will fail in the
matter of keys. A man sent for me
down town on three occasions to pick
lock for him when he had the key about
him each time. He was one of the regu-
lar losers. and had tried all sorts of
ways to get over the habit. At last he
tied the KEY around his neck. When he
sent for me he was trying one pocket
after another in perfect fury. just as
l got the picker to work he yelled,
Great Jerusalem. Here it is around
my neck He did the same thing
twice.
How do people in general lose keys?
Well, with them it is mere carelessness
and forgetfulness, and they generally
find them again. 1t requires a genuine
KEY crank to lose kew instantaneouslv,
completely and forever. Some folks,
mostly women, lose keys from a habit
they have of playing with them. You
will notice they often dangle or twirl
them around their foretinger, and if
they only remember-which they gen.
orally do-to twirl them over a boat
rail or bridge rail or grating of
some kind, they only do what l would
generally be prepared to expect of
them.
Men in general lose keys by leaving
them at home or at their offices. | have
noticed that my key business has i'm
proved considerable since elevated
railroads came in: they make some
people hasty and careless. | have also
noticed that people who live out of
town and do business in the city buy
great many keys. Their whole mind in
the morning seems to be bent on catch
ing their train.
Babies and young children get away
with lots of keys. | don't see how they
DISPOSE of them so etiectually. ! know
of three deaths from key swallowing. If
q key gets crossways castor oil is of no
use. Yes. castor oil still has the call in
these cases The old notion of making
a baby swallow lock as cure for swal
lowing a key has no practical value.