St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1884-12-28
THE JOLLY COLUMN.

little girl hearing her mother observe tc
another lady that she was going irto half
mourning, inquired whether any OF her re.
lations were half dead.
In the year 1877, a proclamation was IS
sued by Henry VIII, commanding ''thai
women should not meet together TO babble
and talk; that all men should keep their
I wives in their houses" Some moEarchs
seem 20 have had the impression that theil
subjects could carry out ali sorts Of impOssi-
bic orders.
The human is supposed to be far more in
telligent than the brute creation, and yet or
cinarly the street car horse answers the bel
much quicker than the hired girl.
An inquirer asks: 'How can tell clas-
steal music.r That is easy enough. When
you notice anybody applaud aud look re-
lieyed after the piece is finished, then you
may know that it was strictly classical.
The nigh school girl explained to her par
ticular friend yesterday that she kicked the
buekrt' was slang, and that the polite expires
sion was, ''He propelled his pedal rxtremities
! with violence against a familiar utensil used
for the transportation Of water and other
fluids"
Here is the difference between genius and
capital, as defined by the New York World.
''Mr. Longfellow can take a worthless sheet
Of paper, and, by writing poem on 1t, make
1t worth fifty dollars. That's genius. Mr..
Vanderbilt can wrte fewer words on a much
smaller sheet and make It worth $50, 0O0, 900.
Tnat's capital"
'Why don't you give Us little Greek and
Latin Oecasionsllys'' asked a country deacon
Of new minister. why, do you under
stand those languagesi" was asked. "No.
butwe pay for the best, and we ought 70
have IT,
Horace Greeley once wrote q note TO q
brother editor in New York, whose writing
was equally ilegible with bis own. The re-
eipient OF the note, not being able to read il
sent 1t back BY the same messenger to Mr.
Greeley for calculation. Supposing 1t to be
the answer to his own note, Mr.. Greeley
looked over IT, but was likewise unable TO
read II, and said to HIS boy, "Go-take il
back. WHAT does the fool meanl'' eyes,
sir" said the boy, THAT is just what be
says"
There is a clergyman in Australia who
charges for the performance Of the marriage
ceremony according TO the weight of the
parties-a cent pound for the bridegroom,
and two cents pound for the bride. In
that parish IL is not an uncommon thing TO
hear young man remark: ''No, darling,
1t cannot be immediately; you're too fate
A sculptor has just completed statue
called ''S.umber." 1t does not represent q
policeman on duty, as many suppose.
One OF the sufferers By late railway acct
dent was rushing wildly about, when some one
asked If he was hurt ''No," he said, ''but
/ can't ind nv umbrella"
A stump orator, in the course Of one Of his
speeches. remarked: Gentlemen, If the
Parsy6c Ocean wor an inkstand, and the hull
slouded canopy Of heaven aud the level
ground of our yearth wor a sheet Of paper, !
couldn't begin 10 write my love Of country
on it,"
A lady coming from the continent assured
the customs officer that she had nothing but
wearing apparel in her trunk, but he went to
the bottom of the article and found = dozon
bottles of brandy slowed away. MADAM, {"
demanded he, sternly, ''do YOU call these
wearing apparelr' yes" the lady de-
murely replied; ''they are my husbands
'night-csps.'"
A father recently wrote TO Harvard Uni
versity: "What are your terms Tor year
And does it cost anything extra II my son
wants 10 learn 10 read and write as well as to
row boatl''
He was just on the point OF proposing, and
she, with FACILITATING heart, was strainiDg
her ear to catch the words she so longed to
near, when little mouse ran across the floor.
"Did she scream or fAinti'' you ask. On, no,
gentle inquirer, she did not. She paid no at
tention TO the mouse.
provincial reporter touchingly alludes to
q man who was s'kiIled and otherwise in
jured."
lovers alarm clock has been brought out
TO. refresh the memories Of those happy
couples who are too much absorbed by each
other to notice the slespiuess Of their rela-
tives. AS the clock strikes 10 D. m two
Titles doors open, and 4 small man, sttired
in dressing gown and cap, glides out. hold
ing in his hand card with the Inscription,
"Gooi night" hint which rarely fails To be
understood.
An impecunious fortune hunter having
been accepted BY an heiress, at the wedding,
when that portion OF the ceremony was
reached where the bridegroom saws, ''With
all my worldly goods thee endow.'' spite
full relative of the bride exclaimed, 'sThere
goes bis carpet bagr'
1t always SOUNDS pretty TO say, 'The sun
has sunk beneath the western horizon, "but a
moments reflection shows that It is about the
only horizon be could sink beneath under the
circumstances When be feels like sinking
be always selects the western horizon.
Little Paul, clambering on his fathers
knee: Pa, what is ''humbugl'' Father: Why,
what on earth do you want to know forl
Paul: heard you say it to ma minute ago.
Father: Yes, my son. Humbug is when
your ma pretends she loves me, aud there
are no buttons on the neck Of my shirt
Marie Roze, the singer, has been photo
graphed in $50 different positions. The only
person who. can beat her for variety of
attitudes is-a boy told to sit still on a chair.
Shave You weak eyesi'' said lady to an
applicant for kitchen position who wore
blue spectaeies- mo, ms'am," said the ap-
Plcant; shut scour pots and things 50
thoroughly, that the glitter Of them hurts my
sight"
The Due de Morny's definition Of . polite
man is the hardest 10 realize of any ever
given "a polite. man." said he, as one
who listens with interest to things he knows
ali about when they are told 10 him BY per-
son who knows nothing about them"
The title OF book or lecture is half sue
cess A lecturer in Pennsylvania has a
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