Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1884-06-05
Bill Nye's Troubles.

Bill Nye's Troubles.
No man knows how much the human
heart can endure and yet not burst I'll.
til he has seen his portrait published .
few times. Then he realizes the wealth
of woe that one soul may wrestle with
! md yet not become unhinged ant
loosened from its frail tenement o
clay. Men go on, year after year.
gaining the esteem of their fellow.
men by an upr ght course, only to lose
it all by forgetting themselves at an un.
fortunate and weak moment. and per-
hitting their portraits to be published
and their shame proclaimed upon the
housetops.
Some years ago an alleged engrav.
ing was made from one Of my photo
graphs, but the proof was sent to me
in time, so that l could by telegraph
prevent its publication.
In that portrait the wood engraver
had taken the liberty to tamper with
the face, and put in little improve
ments here and there, according to his
own ideas of beauty.
Among the rest, remember that he
had unscrewed the lower jaw, and let
it fall down about an inch, so that the
face had the expression of vacant lot
in the early spring.
You pull any mans lower jaw loose,
and lay it on his heaving breast, and
then turn his eyes up toward the star
studded sky, and he seems to lack force
of character, somehow.
So wired the house to ''kill" that
portrait and bury it with the engraver
when the viOlcts doomed.
Then another engraver took his life
and his cold-chisel in his hand, and
blocked out a second one. He thought
[ might be sensitive about my late
front hair, so he put some on in the en-
craving without additional charge. 1t
looked like the bunch of grass that
springs up around an old buffalo bull $
skull.
do not care to wear improvised hair
even in an engraving. am not proud.
If nature intended that my Scandina-
Wan hair should fall early in the fight
| can not help it. can not ask the
engraver to he p me out.
This portrait was averted by the use
of electricity, and the widow of the
engrayer was asked to send her bill in
To me for adjustment.
Later on, another engraver took hold
of the matter.
He went at it hopefully and even
hlariously, singing anon as he put his
sheet-irOn shade over his eyes and adj
iusted his boiler-iron corset that he might
be ready in case 1 should come in on
him while he was at work.
He made a speciality of the Adams
apple.
he made a portrait that wasn't so
terrific if he hadn't thrown in an intel
lectual waste of Adams apple that
would inspire giraffe with awe.
He fooled along with the engraving
until time to 60 to press, handed it in
With his resignation, got copy of the
paper so as TO be sure that he had done
his horrible work well, and then went
to interior Africa to make a home.
For long time after the paper was
published my wife would not recognize
me on the street, and the children were
bathed in tears. l suffered great deal
but resolved to live it down,
and to aid me in this great undertaking
a friend offered to publish fine, life
like engraving that would be certified
to as accurate, and all former ones de-
as base infringements.
agreed to it. and he went at it.
After good deal of delay he sent me
a proof which bore a striking resem-
blance to me. admitted to him that
it favored me, and we decided to let it
go forth with my name attached to it.
Gaily the press went on with it's low
rumble and grumble, grinding ont it's
thousands of copies of damp papers,
heralding to the English-speaking world
that the subscriber wore his brains open
to the inclement weather, and pulled his
scalp down over his eye to be facetious.
The first copy of the paper was a
good one, and the portrait doomed up
ike the Turkish towel mustache of the
young man. but the next revolution of
he press disturbed an EN- quad or
Dose canard or something about the
of the paper, and in the on
ward march of the machine the whole |
;op of my head was removed and piled |
Up over the off-eye, like a study in olive
,reen or navy-blue after an election
light.
Still, we are getting better class of
,ngravers than we had five years ago.
It seemed pretty harsh to kill off the
,ad ones, but l am willing to make
most any sacrifice for the advancement
If art.-PMck.