Connecticut western news., 1884-03-12
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
IT DISCUSSES THE GREAT QUESTION OF THE DAY IN AN EARNEST MAN. NER.
Little Bit of Sarcasm Indulged In-What
 Would Make Each Man Happy.
IFrom the Detroit Free Press.l

the trlangle SOunQeu, 'eDery udy O ny life Tar complaints about our polly tics, our religun, our skules, our society, our amusements an our system of gov ment. Suntin' mus be wrong wid our hull system of existence. What am it ? Dat am the queshun I propose to have discussed heah tonight in all it's bear in's, an ax Sir Isaac Walpole to take de foah and lead off,"
 SIR ISAAC wA1PoLE TOES THE MARK.
 "I has reflected heap on dis subjick, " began the well-known orator as he slid off his splint- -bottomed chair. "Eber since war ten y'ars ole I has felt dat sunthin' was wrong wid de way dis ken try was diskivered, settled up an run. Jist what pertickler thing 1t was has puzzled me for ober sixty y'ars, but l has at las got my mind made up. As a nashun we am too aspirin an ambishus. We want to git ahead too fast; we want to oacquire wealth and power too quickly. I see an feel it in myself an all aroun' me. I orter be satisfied wid six hun- dred dollar house an lot, good rag car pet on de floors, cellar full of 'taters an cabbage, an fifty dollars hid in an oyster can whar' I kin find it in case of sickness, but I ain't. I want to go to de State Legislachur; I want a two-story house wid bay-windows; I want an electric doah-bell; I want heap O things dat I'm not likely to git. In my ayarice an ambishun I am liable to cheat Samuel Shin, swindle Waydown Bebee an borry money from Judge Cadayer an never pay it back. I sigh, an banker, an plan, an scheme, an de fust thing any of you knows I'll have chattel mort gages on your mules an be climbin' ober your heads into offs"
 JUDGE cADAvER's THEORY.
 sWhat's de matter wid dis kentry ? asked Judge Cadaver as he stood up and waved his arms around. 'I contend dat de hull trubble rises from gineral want ob confidence in each odder. You may begin at de head an cum down to de foot. help feet President, an yet I have no confidence in him. When I go to bed at night I can't feel ashured dat he won't sell de kentry out afore maw- nin'. I vote for a Congressman, an yet can't trust him ten feet. If wanted to borry ten dollars I wouldn't have confidence to believe dat de Guv'nor would lend it to me. On de one hand I know dat all de groceries am adulter- ated, an on he odder hand all grocers exhibit lack of confidence in me. If I want to borry an ax from Nelson Slabs he marks de handle fur fear I will steal t, an if Giveadam Jones wants to borry my coffee-mill I slyly remove de grindin' part to prevent him from stealth de ideah to use in his comin' cider mill. Dis want of confidence am driftin' de kentry back inter barberism. Until de day arroves when I kin walk down to de Fust National Bank and borry two hun dred dollars for thirty days widout gibin a note indorsed by a man worf twenty thousand dollars, you need not look fur dis kentry to prosper or progress.
 IT IS LACK OF HARMONY.
 CA house divided agin itself cannot stand" said Giveadam Jones, as his opinion was called for. '!What ails dis kentry am de want of harmony. We am not eben agreed on de form of guv'- ment. We am split up into three or four polytical parties, dozen religuns, half a dozen forms of society, an good ness knows into how many different bands on nashunal queshuns. We am pullin' at boaf eands of wagon stuck in de mud. It seems harmonious to me to drap into butcher shop an pick out ham an tell de butcher I will call an settle nex' week, but de butcher hangs de ham back on its peg an remarks dat he can't possibly agree on de queshun. I am in harmony wid one church; Prof. Slyback am not in harmony wid anudder. had made up my mind dat de Dimocratic party am called upon to save dis kentry; Pickles Smith would see de kentry sunk befo' he would vote anything but de Republican ticket. I contend dat an aristocracy will sooner or later bring about de downfall of de Uni ted States; Whalebone Howker argues dat an aristocracy will presarve it, kase if it wasn't preserved dar' wouldn't be any secondhand men to buy deir wo'n- out carpets. I tell you, gem'len, to pre- sarve dis kentry we must vote de Dimo- cratic ticket, accept one brand of re- hgun, patronize de circus an fine ebery pusson BIO who won't hurrah on holi- days"
 LIVING TOO FAST.
 "We are runnin' away wid de ken- try" said the solemn voice of Waydown Bebee, as his name was called. "We am ibin' too fast. Twenty y'ars ago l was satisfied with a two-roomed cabin an dollar day. Now I has to have two-story house an twelve shillins g day. Wives who used to go ba'rfut six days & week to save deir shoes for the seventh now wear $8 butes to mop in. De pusson who airns S10 per week mus lib jist as good as de one who airns $20 Twenty y'ars ago de woman wid a dia. mond ring could boss a hull naybur. hood. Now, when she tries to eber boss de sarvant gal de gal packs up hel peck of diamonds an quits de job wid
 out waitin' to collect any Ieetle matter
 like $40 back salary. When I was [
 boy de man who bought a can of oysterI
 was supposed to have bin left a legacy o