The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-12-05


old man, "for have heard every SER
mon that has been preached in the
chapel for fifty years, and, bless the
Lord, am Christian still"
eff can find my gun 1 bet I'll set
tie them CATS" said Mulberry the other
night at late hour as he slid out of
bed and went cropping around the room
in the dark "COme back to bed, YOU
old fool" pleaded the gentle voice of
Mrs. Mulberry. "That isn't cats, it's
Emelines new beau down in the par
lor singing Sweet Violets.'" Eme-
lines new beau will not MARBLE any
more when he visits Emelinc. Eme-
line has told him that 'Papa is very
easily disturbed after he rctires.
He was haggling with a retailer in
the Bowery about coat, and finally
inquired, "What's the difference be-
tween this long-tailed coat and that
bob-tailed onep" 'Shust der same
price, my trent" ''But there's n yard
more cloth in the long-tailcd one"
"Oxactly." "And isn't cloth any OBJ
ject?" mot in der least, my trent.
Der sharge vhas all made for selling
der goods and counting oop der pro-
fits" I'm buying railroad stocks don't
inquire if the road is doing any bust
ness.
There is blind Frenchman who APP.
pears on Sixth avenue every afternoon
with tin receptacle for money strap
ped across his breast and an accordion
in his hands. A Spitz dog leads him
safely through the crowds to the adj
miration of all bcholdcrs. The French,
man plays on his accordion, the pen
MES jingle merrily in the tin cup, and
the dog pals with all his strength.
They say that the animal possesses hui
man intelligence; but in reality he is
only trying to get away from the ac-
cordeOn. Puck.
One sometimes hears strange modes
of reasoning during that favorite pas
time of some women, shopping. This
little scent-bag is not quite perfect, ]"
said one at the Woman's Exchange. as
she called the attention of girl in
waiting to an article that lay on table.
.'Now, if it were for myself l should
not care at all, but would like to buy
it to give as a present to little niece,
and she's so observing that she'd no.
tice any defect in it in moment.
Couldn't you let me have it ut half
priceP"
Not many years ago Bclva Lockwood
was arguing case before Chief JUS
tne Carter, who took occasion to over
rule demurrer she had filed. Mrs.
Lockwood then made motion, which
was denied. Rising in wrath, the per-
picked lady dcmandcd: II should like
to have your Honor advise me what to
do next" Slowly and with n stammer
the Chief Justice rcplied: Mrs. Lock-
wood, the c-c-c-court would advise you
to b-b-b-by all means em-em-em-em-
ploy lawyer"
Il understand that you have stopped
practicing," said the secretary of state
to an eminent colorcd physician. Eyes,
sab, 'cluded ter gin up der trade an
90 ter prcachin'. In dis country dar
amt no money ter be made in dc prac-
tisin' o. medicine. Wy, sab, eff had
er voted my time ez close ter suthin'
else cz l has ter dis business, would
er been putty well off by dis time.
ODER two-thirds of my patients neber
paid me, sah.' "Why didn't you sue
themP" "'Twouldn' done no good,
ease da wtiz dead, sab. ] got de wus'
class o. patients. None o 'em nebei
had no health an constitution"
Mrs. Eccentric, of western city,
lavished the care and caresses on a pc!
dog that it is to be hoped that, had she
been mother, she would have bestow-
ed on her children. On the death OF
her dog she went into the depths OF
grief, refusing to be comforted. Not
only did she darken her house, but hei
dress us well. Some time after she
went to make a call of coincidence up
on an old school friend, Mrs. K,
who was mourning the death of hcl
little child. 1t is safe to say that Mrs
K must have forgotten her griei
in her indignation that Mrs. Eccentric
should have presumed to say, 81 car
sympathizc with you, Mrs. k, for
too have been recently afflicted.
Domestic felicity.--'I don't see why
they call that institution at Dayton ;
Soldiers Home. There is nothing
homelikc in the way those poor soldiers
arc treated" remarked Mrs. Yerger
who was reading Il paper the Other
morning just after breakfast. Il don
know about that. read that when ,
soldier came to the home drunk a
night he was subjected to all manner
of indignities. The superintendent
raised the biggest kind of racket
That's just the kind of home I've GO
here i'm Austin. think | should fee
at home if were at Dayton. Ouch
let 90 of my hair, Caroline. Can't ;
fellow joke? Let go of my hair. >
A gray-haircd policeman accused ;
bright-cyed young woman at thu
Toombs Police Court with intoxication
"Me drunk she gasped. IL never
drank anything in my life. The pc
liceman persisting in his assertion, sh'
was fined 80. Then the policeman
arraigncd middle-agcd woman, will
a shawl over her head, on charge o
quarreling with her ncighbors. g
quarrcl?" she exclaimed. I'm one o
the most peaceable women living.
And she brought her sister forward e
prove it. His Honor looked puzzled
There must bc some mistake here,
he said, eycing the policeman suspic