The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-09-23

are, as rule, mOnstrOsitles of some
kind, with stronger animal than hu
man instincts. The writer has no
been able to find any case Of the sur
vival of four of a kind, outside o
poker, in any civilized country, bu
old travellers go far enough to give
instances of five children being
brought into existence at birth and
living to maturity among the South
African tribes. These, however,
must be regarded Us warns or Nun,
chausen narratives, beside which the
"reminiscences of the old settler in
Pike County Folks" pale into the
actual inSignifcance of truth.
BUT TALKING OF REAL BABIES,
live, crawling, sprawling and bawling
babies, what dear little creatures they
are-tO have around the house. They
brighten up Its interior like a new
pattern Of wall paper or a recently
added assortment of bric-a-brac.
They are so interesting, too, such liv-
ing parodoXes in their way-heipless,
but at the same time all-powerful-
the former quality appertaining to
their limbs, the latter to their lungs.
1t is so delightful for the new father
to nurse the new darling; he likes to
dance the baby on his knee, throw it
up in the air and play with its toes;
it is a treasure Of enjoyment to him
in daylight; but when it begins to
cheer the solemn stiffness of the night
with its reed-like Cs, when it clamors
in the darkness and begins to howl in
a manner calculated to send the stars
behind the clouds with a wretched
shiver, and the new father, or the old
one either, has to walk the floor in his
long gown and Groom lowing songs of
sympathy to the kicking and Shrek
ing infant, then all the brightness
goes out of its being, all interest in it
is lost, all the mystery that surround
ed it is torn away, and it stands re-
vealed so complete a monster and so
grand a nuisance that the parent
wishes he were beside the banks of
the Nile, and could feed the D.,
d., d, dear darling to the croco-
dies.
A BABY's BEST FRIEND
is its mother. 1t is funny that this
should be so nevertheless it is. The
mother clings to it tenderly but
strongly under each and every cir
cumstance. She will get it into
Trades pageant and yelled prohet
crowds; she will carry it to the thea
ter, to church, to the lyceumAno
place on earth is so sacred or Its
doors SO strongly barred that the
mother, with her baby, will not get
in. And it is usually the baby with
the biggest voice that gets into the
place requiring the greatest quiet.
Take sleeping car with baby in
it. Every passenger, from the in
sincere drummer to the sentimental
old gyascutus in white side whiskers,
tickles it under the chin and wants
to buy it everything from peanuts
to pig-iron pound cake-each fairly
adores it and wants to fondle it, cod
die it, kiss if but when its playful
ness is asserted about midnight, there
is not single man In the car, from
the colored porter down, who doesn't
want to club it, and club it to death,
too.
In the street car, too, because of
necessity, contact with the strange
baby is of short duration; the curled
and pugnosed little darling has the
heart of all the passengers in Its little
pink hands-of all the passengers
except the man sitting next to 1t,
who would like to have the little
darlings heart in his hand, not be-
cause he is cruel, but because the
baby is either wiping IFS feet on his
coat-tails. or trying to smear his
standing collar with molasses candy.
IN CHURCH AND AT THE PLAY.
TIE baby that breaks into church
is a bigger nuisance than the yellow
dog that bowls under the pulpit and
chases the sections and the deacons
up and down the aisles. But the
baby in the theatre takes the cake.
If the play happens to be bad, the
night hot, the players vile, and there
is a combina ton of the worst circum-
stances in the world against the
audience, only one thing more is re-
ouired to make the spectators life an
instant and unsupportable burden,
and that is crying baby. And the
crying baby is sure to be there. 1t
is always there, whether the play is
good or bad. 1t has broken up Booth,
Barrett, Mccullough, and even our
Berry Mitchell. many and many a
time during their performances, and