Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1884-05-29
BILL NYE'S RESIGNAl ~.
e Humorists Official Letter Resigning this
Post Office at Laramie City. w. L.

Post Office at Laramie City, w. T.
SIR-I beg leave at this time to offici-
ally tender my resignation as Post
master at this place and in due form
deliver the great seal and the KEY to
the front door of the office. The safe
combination is set on the numbers SO.
Go and 90, though do not remember at
this moment which comes first, or which
direction you should turn it at first in
order to make it operate.
There is some mining stock in my
private drawer in the safe, which !
have not yet removed This stock you
may have, if you desire it. 1t is lux
ury, but you may have it. l have de-
cided to keep horse instead of this
mining stock. The horse may not be
so pretty, but it will cost less to keep
him.
You will find the postal cards that
have not been used under the distribut-
ing table, and the coal down in the
cellar. If the stove draws too hard
close the damper in the pipe, and shut
| the general delivery window.
Looking over my stormy and event
full administration as Postmaster here,
l find abundant cause for thanksgiving.
At the time entered upon the duties
of my office the department was not yet
on paying basis. 1t was not even
self-sustaining. Since that time, with
the active cooperation of the Chief
| Executive and heads of the depart
ment, have been able to make our
postal system paying one and on top
n at / oh 10 he
tariff on averaged-sized letters from
three cents to two. l might add that
this is rather too too, but will not say
anything that might seem undignifed
in an official resignation which is to
become matter of history.
Through all the vicissitudes of
tempestuous term of office / have
safely passed. / am able to turn over
the office to-day in highly improved
condition, and to present purified and
renovated institution to my successor.
1t was not long after had taken my
official oath before an era of unexampled
prosperity opened for the American
people. The price of beef rose to re-
markable altitude, and other vegetables
| commanded good figure and a ready
| market. We then began to make act
i've preparations for the introduction of
the strawberry two-cent stamps,
| and the black-and-tan postal notes.
One reform has crowded upon the heels
of another until the country is to-day
upon the foam crested wave of per-
manent prosperity.
Mr.. President, / cannot close this
letter without thanking yourself and
the heads of the departments at Wash
ington for your active, CHEEKY and
prompt cooperation in these matters.
| about incorporating this idea into your
Thanksgiving proclamation, but rest
assured it would not be ill-timed or
inopportune. 1t is not alone credit to
myself. 1t reflects credit upon the adj
ministration also.
Ineed not say that herewith trans
NIT my resignation with great sorrow
and genuine regret. We have toiled on
together month after month asking for
no reward except the innate concious-
ness of rectitude and the salary as fixed
by law. Now we are to separate. Here
the roads seem to fork, as it were, and
you and / and the Cabinet must leave
each other at this point.
V-l will find the key under the door
you had better. turn the cat
ight when you close the office.
does not go readily you can make
clearer to her mind by throwing
the canceling stamp at her
If Deacon Hayford does not pay his
box-rent, you might as well put his
mail in the general delivery, and when
Bob Head gets drunk and insists on a
letter from one of his wives every day
in the week, you can salute him through
the box delivery with an old Queen
Anne tomakawk which you will find
near the Etruscan water pail. This
will not in any manner surpriae either
of these parties.
Tears are unavailing. once more
become a private citizen, clothed only
with the right to read such postal cards
as may be addressed to me personally,
AMI to curse the inefficiency of the
Postoffice Department. l may be in
error as to the attributes of an Ameri-
can citizen, but believe the above to
be the most prominent. 1 believe the
voting class to be divided into parties,
viz. those who are in the postal SER
vice and those who are mad because
they cannot receive registered letter
every fifteen minutes of each day, in
GLIDING Sunday.
Mr.. President, as an official of this
Government now retire NY term of
offica would not expire until 1866. I
INST therefore beg pardon for my &C.
tricity in resigning. 1t will be best,
APPS, to keep the heart breaking
news from the cars of European pow.
ers until the dangers of a financial
panic are fully past. Then hurl it
broadcast with slckening thud,
Very respectfully yours,
BILL NYE.