Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1884-09-05
Not at All Literary.

lie Is neither q lady nor literary, and
when there is company, and he mingles
IN learned conversation, he brings dis
grace upon the entire family by his ig-
noranee. Mrs. Spilkins thought that
by reading to him every evening, she
might get some knowledge into his
pate, 50 she began with ancient history.
NOV, George, you take a pencil and
note Down the dates of the mostimpor-
tant occurrences.
alright, Sarah; propel."
She started out, and having read
steadily for some time, she discovered
Spilkins fast asleep. She aroused him
with some energy.
"Havel been asleep long?" he asked
drowsily.N
'Been asleep long!w she exclaimed,
examing. his note book; ''you miserable
wretch, you have been asleep almost
1000 years"
"Whew, this hot weather does make
a fellow sleepy, don't it?" replied the
miserable ignoramus.
The latest story is that of a man who
can heat a bucket of water in ten min
utes by just sticking his nose into it.
That's easily accounted for-his nose
has got q boil on Huntington Free
Press.
Judge Alonzo Kinyon, who owns a
large and valuable stock farm near
Plankinton, has recently returned from
Illinois, where he purchased a car load
Of Durham heifers. He intends MAX
ing a speciality Of raising fine stock.
Hughes county has quite a number
Of Indians who have proved up on land
under the homestead law and some of
them have fairly cultivated farms, but
a majority prefer the lazy, vagabond
life they have been accustomed to, and
refuse to till the soil with the excep-
ton of a small corn and "truck" patch.
The Iowa board Of railroad commits
sioners has notified Mr.. Crawford, the
Fort Dodge druggist, who sought to
compel a railroadto ship alcohol to him
without his first having secured a per-
NIT from the county supervisors, that
the law in his case is very plain and
explicit, and that they cannot issue the
order which he desires.
Doctor (who has been sent for at 2 a..
m.)-"Madame, pray send at once for
the clergyman, and, if youwant tomalze
your will, for the lawyer" Madame
horriied)-"Good gracious! Is it so
dangerous, doctorY Doctor-sNot a
bit Of it; but I don't want to be the only
fool who has been disturbed in his
sleep for nothing"
Marshal Cummings, of Omaha, has
issued an order to the police to take in
to custody any woman found on the
Streets wearing "Mother Hubbard"
dresses. The order has provoked con
siderable discussion, but it has a prece-
dent in louisville, Ky, where such an
order was made three weeks ago and
has been sustained,
The wife OF an American author is
reported recently to have said to him.:
"My dear, you are always hunting for
people to put in novels. Why don't
you put me in" "Ihave already" was
thereby. ooh, when? Whydidn't you
tell me2" 81 was afraid you would not
like it, dear" "Of course l. should.
How silly! What is the name of the
name Of the character ?" "You mustn't
be angry, then-sCalamity Jane the
Terror Of Trescow Gulch.'"
The Fargo Argus publ shed the re-
turns from the wheat harvest in a doz-
en- counties which show an average Of
SSO,172 acres. Attic low estimate Of
fifteen bushels to the acre. these yield
over thirteen million bushels. The Ar
gus also estimates the yield of North
Dakota at twenty million bushels. Ii
this is correct the estimate Of statistical
agent Baynes (who by the way now re-
sides in Minnesota Of tWenty-six mil
lion bushels fcy all Dakota is evidently
too low.
r --Ss---
I tell you women are more prudent
than men. I tell you, as q rule, women
are more truthful than men. tell you
that women are more beautiful than
men--ten times more beautiful. Ineyer
saw a.1nan pursue his wife into the very
ditch and dust Of degradation and take
her in his arms. / never sew q man
stand on The shore where she had been
morally wrecked, waiting for The waves
to bring her back even a corpse to his
arms, but / have seen woman do it, [
have seen woman with her white arms,
lift men from Che mire Of degradation
and hold him to, her bosom IS though
he wsre an angel.-Ingersoll.