Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-06-27
Orr KALEIDOSCOPE.

Not IN good taste-oysters inSummer.
Now that black stockings are in fashion
colorcd bellies can cxpcnd all their money on
ribbons.
Moslem women never know anything
about their husbands business. 1t is un-
necessary to say that this doesn't hurt the
business any.
Sam Ward said that any green thing could
DC made into salad. That's the way the
caunbals used to talk about the innocent
missionaries.
The bells of Grace Church, New York, arc
said to weigh over nine tons. The dudes
never offer to carry them on their laps al
crowded picnic excursions.
Chicago girls are learning to play the ban
10. Now who can twist this into a peda
joke? 1t is no great feat.
An exchange, with an genealogical turr
of mind, suggests that the word "holday'
comes from three other words, "hole," Gin
the ebay" We respectfully submit that
the hole in the day is not usually so noticea
bic as the hole in the purse.
Somebody asked young Popiniay if he
would like to Join in the Crib Club, and he
replied that he wasn't qualified yet, as he
hadn't even made up his mind whether he
would get married or not
A Calcutta paper tells of country station
master in India who telegraphed up to head
quarters "Train just due. Tiger jump.
ing about platform. Please telegraph Or
ders."
A coal-deslor asked some law students
what legal authority was the favorite of his
trade One answered, Cooke" fright"
said the coal dealer. Another suggested,
Blackstone Good, tool" said the ques-
toner. Then a little man piped out, 'Lit-
Teton" Whereupon the coal dealer sat
down.
An exchange says that towel wet in hot
water and twisted hard when applied to the
seat of pain, will cure toothache. 1t will
also cure cussedness in small boys, when ap-
A writer remarks that "a jolly temper is
the best medicine to produce flesh" We
know some people who have such jolly tenn
pers that they are always getting mad at
somebody or something,-aud yet they dent
get fat.
Bobson wants to know why colleges don't
confer the degree of doctor of laws exclu-
siyey upon lawyers. Because if they did
the laws would all die of.
A man who has kept account Of the num-
Der of kisses exchanged with his wife since
their union, consents to its publication, as
follows: First year. 36,500 second year,
5000 third year 1850 fourth year, 100 !;
fifth year, ?. He then left off keeping the
record,
Colorado man slid down hill on an iron
shovel, and when he got about two-thrds of
the way down the friction made the shovel
so hot that his pants took fire. What
wouldn't Dante have given for such realis-
tic experience Just before he wrote his
Inferno
Minnesota has 1000 watering places,
which fact accounts for the democrats ma.
king no efforts toward carrying that State.
.TopcFa Lance.
Matthew Arnold's son is coming over here
TO marry an American girl. He probably
thinks it's the p,casantcst route to a-she.
-Lo,cH CHisen.
GLOW did you enjoy the Saratoga spring
water = asked young Smith OF returned
delegate this morning. "Sorr," returned
the patriot with becoming dignity 81 am
dimmy "-Nep York Graphic.
A man cannot be too careful in his man
ncr of exposing himself. A young Lynn
man went out west recently, and wrote his
girl that the farther he got away from her
the more he thought Of her. She was mad
and would not answer his letter.-LyRn
Bee.
King John of Abyssina recently picked
the pockets Of an Austrian merchant who
visited his palace and cxacted $1,000 from
him for safe escort out of his kingdom.
King John seems to understand finance pref
ty thoroughly Post.
Speaking of the sagacty of animals"
said Mr.. Marrowfat, 81 never thought that our
dog Bruno had much intelligence until last
Sunday when he followed us to church and
slipped unobserved into the pew" 81 should
rather accept that as an evidence of his pie
ty," interrupted the visitor. "What proof
did he give of his sagacity 2" "Why, he
slept during the whole sermon. "-BrO0hlyn
Egt.