The San Antonio light. (San Antonio, Tex.) 1883-1886, 1884-10-02
RAYS OF MIRTH.


In whenever you want to-" Fat man
"fes, and roll out when I don't want
| to.n-Anon.
Talk about man turning woman's
head! 1t is passing another woman
with n new bonnet that does it.-Cin-
oinnati Saturday Night.
Husband-"Mary, has the dog been at
this meat?" Wife-"No, dear, / carved
when you were away yesterday. "-Har-
per's Bazaar.
The most noted men who have made
the wealth they possess were bachelors.
Well there's cause for every effect
Waterloo Observer.
When maiden becomes fisher of
men she should use genuine bait. Men
are shy of hook that Is "too Nv" as
the English ay.-Philadelphia Call.
While 1t Is better TO be born lucky
than rich, it Is better to marry poor
girl with asweet temper than rich girl
with red headed one .--Philadelphia
Chronicle Herald.
"Sixteen feet make rod" say the old
arithmttics. But then the Chicago girl
did nor figure so largely in literature
then ~ she does now .-Burlington Free
fressrarJ
AT hqfiafge the bride always meets
her betfCuIed ut the alter with the gloves
on, but after marriage she generally
handles her husband without Gloves
Ionkers Statesman.
An English clergy, waxing sarcastic
In the pulpit over the enormities of the
age. exclaimed: "And these things, my
brethren, are done in the so-called nine
teenth entury."-Anon.
81 lost my dog ;" said Mrs. Rarity.
Il 4. lss
some one asked. "Who, Jim? Why,
you know, Jim's on the detective force.
lie can't find anything.-Arkansaw
Traveller"
"Ah, Mr.. Hebbleton, | hear that You
have been called to the ministry" Well,
can hardly term il II call. They only
offer me 800 year. Sort of whisper,
you understand. Arkansas Traveller.
Husband-"Ihe Browns are still liv-
ing in New York. Very nice people,
and we are under obligations to them"
Wife-"rd ask them out here to spend
the summer with us IL was certain
they couldn't come."-Puok.
Parent--"You have been in the water
You were flshingr' Son-"Yes, ma'am,
l was In the water; but | got boy out
who might have been drowned" Par
ent-"Indeed, who was it?" Son-"My-
| seli!"-Judge.
A man whose knowledge is based on
actual experience says that when calling
on their sweethearts young men should
carry affection In their hearts, perfection
in their manners and CONNECTIONS in
their pockets.-Boston Journal.
A chap from the country, stopping at
one OF the hotels, sat down to dinner.
Upon the bill of fare being handed to
him by the waiter he remarked that he
"didnt care bout readin' now: he'd
wait till after Boston Tran
script.
If there is any girl who doesn't like to
| pop the question even II il leap wear,
she can get around it by asking her
young man II he'd be willing to fill in
his name on her marriage certificate
Ionkers Gazette.
The old saw, "Never kick man when
he Is down" is a good one, because to
kick man when he Is down is coward
ly. Now we give another, "Never kick
| man whe he Is up, because Ii Is recl-
less.-Hvansville Argus.
Every young lady should learn to
make her own dresses. There may
come time after marriage when she
will need to make doll babies dresses,
and then her former experience will
come into good service.-Philadelph a
Chronicle.
swell, well!' said old Mrs. Gumbo, as
she laid down the morning paper. $50
they've rescued poor old Greedy alive
! DO hope that Horace'll take hold of
the Tribune again and edit it sensibly,
like he used ter.-Railroad Advertiser.
A minister having preached the same
discourse to his people three times one
OF his constant hearers said to him after
service: doctor the sermon you gave
us this morning having had three sever
al readings, move that 1t now be pass
ed."-Boston Beacon.
narrow escape: Cannibal King Ito
missionary)-I think the best thing that
| can do is to eat you. Missionary lin
earnest protest)-I do not agree with
you, Sir Cannibal King-Well, must
not eat anything that does not agree
with me.
NO" said the landlady, ~ don't
mind the flies. When / used to keer
my mouse on the European plan 1t paid
me TO have the windows screened: buI
where people eat at table d'hote, il isn't
good policy to make them too comfort.
able. You understand ?"
THE indianapolis newspaper" says
the st. Louis Chronicle, Democratic)
(which published the Infamous story
about Blaine's family relations, now in
sists that II can prove what is asserted
in spite of his sworn statement. This II
sheer lunacy. Even were 1t true thai
Blaine had invented the story of his pri
vate marriage, he has the case In his owl
hands. The witnesses TO the marrlag,
have been given, and II is not in reason
to suppose that they would have beer
given II there existed any possibility o
refutati0n of the statements thus sub
stantiated. Under the laws of Indian,
there is no middle ground In libel cases
The publisher of the libel must eithe
admit it wholly or justify 1t wholly. N,
matter what standpoint Shoemaker
case Ia viewed from, he Is In an ugl,
predicament II the suit against him i
pushed as It should be-"
II youare suffering with Dyspepsia
Indigestion, Constipation, or any sucl
disorder Sof the stomach and bowels
take MORLEY'S T-X-S LIVER PILLS
a pleasaht, entirely safe and reliable
cure. AtKalteyer's.