The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-04-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

Winter is the only thing that can
howl around with its back broken.
An Indiana jury sent in a written
verdict of .'Blode to peces bi the biler
Dustin"
What shall write about?" asked
young reporter of the managing editor.
''Oh, write about column and a half,
replied the M. E.
De Maistre said: ITO know how to
wait is the great secret of success" 1t
is, if you want to get chop at an aver
age swell restaurant.
A ready-made rejoinder: He:-"You
made fool of me when married you,
ma'am." She-'Lor! You always told
me you were self-made man.
A Boston woman has discarded her
pet pug and gone to petting her hus-
band, and cher set'' have gone back on
her on account of plebeian tastes.
The color line is rapidly disappear
ing in North Carolina. A white man
was arrested few days ago for rob-
bling colored citizens hen coop.
A young lady in Huntington, Pa,
who has been deserted by her lover,
has levied on his farm. She merely
changed her form of attachment.-AL
bang Times.
A Springfield man wrote to Governor
Robinson to inquire if the law would
permit him to marry cousin. The
reply was-"The law is within if the
cousin is. -
This is the way a mother down east
describes her daughters courtship:
HE posed and 'suaded, she mayed
and fused; last she scented, then he
gagged her.
Some one interrogated little George
in regard to her sisters betrothed.
"How old is hep" 81 don't know"
"Well, is he youngP" ''Yes-he has
no hair yet"
How woman always does up
newspaper she sends to a friend, so
that it looks like well-stuffed pillow,
is something that no man is woman
enough to understand.
GLOW do you kill time herep' asked
a swell visitor of an equally swell New
| Yorker. ''Oh, with our club" was the
reply. And the pair went off to look
| up one. each having some to kill.
Fathers often make great mistake
in bringing up their sons to follow their
| own trade. A trunkmaker was wiser
He had ten sons, and all are now rail-
way porters. That trunkmaker is get
| ting rich.
A Boston man advertises that he re-
covers umbrellas. This man should
have good run of custom. We would
give him job ourselves if we thought
he could recover the silk one we lost
| last spring.
The following question is to be wres-
| tied with by country debating society
at its next session: If the Mormon has
eight wives and buries one of them,
| how much of widower does he be-
come, if anyP
Il believe" said Henderson, s.that
you take me for a fool" Replied Fogg:
81 have been called skeptic, Fendy,
but, bad as | am, | still have respect
for every mans belief including yours,
Fendy, including yours.
'.Why does the train run so much
faster than yesterday" asked a pas
senger on a branch of the Wabash rail-
road of the conductor 1--WE are in
Missouri to-day" was the reply, ''and
we always get out of this state as soon
as possible.
Johnnie" asked Marathon lady
of an urchin, why doesn't your moth
er sew up that hole in your coatP 1t
has been there two weeks now" "Oh,
she can't. She's busy sewing on
crazy quilt to beat Mrs. Jones' "-Mar-
Gthon Independent.
"Don't talk to me about beginning
at the bottom of the ladder" observed
a crushed" actress to friend; Il be-
gan there ten years ago, and I'm there
still. If it was to do over again I'd be-
gin at the top. It's much easier to fall
down than to climb up"
u don't see how you can endure that
Piiffy girl, Jack" said his sister. "I'm
sure there's nothing in her." 'sNoth-
ing in her, indeed! L just wish you'd
been with us to supper after the thea
ter tonight and he dropped a tear
over his buried salary.
A lecture on 1.-The Ten Command
ments" was recently delivered in
western town, and the local paper
spoke of it as a novel and brilliantly
original code of morals, which will be
likely to make stir in the world when
it becomes more widely known.
To empty theater in case of fire,
the act-drop should be lowered All
the men will rush out by force of habit
and the women will sit still, as usual
in such cases, and panic will be pre-
vented. This suggestion is freely offer
ed Tor what it is worth. 1t is not pat
erted.
Papa, why did Washington cut
down the cherry tree?n said six-year-
old son. Il will answer your question
by asking you one. Why did you break
that pane of glass this morning?" SER
-er, because er-er-" We'll, nv
son, that's just the reason George gave
his father"
A Brooklyn youth, who rushed into
matrimony on Sc week and was ar
rested for failing to support his wife,
says that he was led to the experiment
from seeing in a penny paper an &C
count of how cheaply a loving couple
could live. Moral-Beware of these
penny papers.-N. 7. Com. advertiser.
visiting friend found Simkins with
his coat off standing on the doorstep
the other night. and remarked: Suffer
ing Cesar, man, you'll catch an awful
cold out here in your shirt sleeves"
That's what l want" said Simkins,
cheerfully. SCOT to sing new bass
solo at an entertainment tomorrow
night, you know"
Il can't pay that bill just now; you
will have to wait little for the mon
ey." '.All right, sir" cheerfully re-