The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-08-28
WIT AND HUNIOR.


When a concern fails in China the
debtors heads are cut off and thrown
in with the assets. That is the way
their creditors get head of them.
When young girl begins to take an
interest in the arrangement of a young
mans necktie it is an infallible sign
of something more serious than sisterly
regard.
"Ilost my dog" said Mrs. Y ''Why
don't your husband look for him?"
some one asked. ''Who. Jim? Why.
you know Jim's on the detective force.
He can't find anything"
A young lady who lately received
boquet of roses was somewhat amused
to find the donors visiting card at
tached to it, and written on the wrong
side the words: Not to exceed 5s"
A Michigan man recently acquired
the habit of smoking cigarettes against
the united opposition of his entire
family. Three weeks later his uncle
in England died and left him fortune
of $3.50, 600.
Doctor, l come to see you about
my younger brother" What is the
HldtlCI Will I'LL. ouo VI Ills legs
is shorter than the other, and he limps.
Now, what would you do in a case of
that kind?" 81 reckon I'd limp, too"
what are you slowing up forP"
yelled a freight conductor to an en-
gineer on one of our Vermont roads.
"Why, we've run ever book agent"
'.Drat it all, then, why don't you keep
on? We can't kill him unless the
whole train runs over him. '-Ba1rling-
ton Free Press.
A considerable tramp was encountered
a few days ago. He promised to cut
some wood in return for meal, but
and said: lady, l don't believe ]
could cut that satisfactory to you, and
l would not like TO make bad job Of
it. Good day. "-BoSton Post.
This book is of no value whatever"
said the literary editor to the managing
editor of a provincial daily. But we
get so much advertising from the pub
fishers that | dislike to cut it up. What
shall L do?'' well you might say
that the binding is remarkably hand
some," was the reply.-Boston Globe.
Whistle all the time. Sing the rest
of the time. Hum a bar of every new
opera necessarily. Drum on the table
with your fingers and pat on the floor
with your foot. If your friends do not
place you in q lunatic asylum after this
you will be warranted in buying a
cornet, flute, violin, accordion, or hiring
piano.
AT our meeting tonight, why can't
we get up something new-something,
l don't care what, SO long as it isn't
music?' "a good idea, Banger"
cried Fogg; "a splendid idea. We
have had q little too much music,
as you say, and it is time we had
something new. Suppose you sing
for us, Bangor"
'I'll bet bottle of champagne that's
married couple" remarked swell
standing at the window of fashion
able clubhouse and watching lady
and gentleman who were crossing tie
street during q heavy shower. II
can't imagine your reason for saying
So" returned his companion. Its
plain enough. Don't you see that the
centre of the umbrella is over his head,
not over hers
A countrywoman who was visiting
her married daughter in New York
| wrote home that she was Giving on
fiat" A family council was held to
determine what the phrase meant.
The oldest who had been to the city,
said it meant that she was Giving In
great big house," but the majority
| came to the conclusion that she meant
that she was living on her son-in-law
-B0s.On Post.
A lady called at q chemists shop,
and, after examining one or two articles,
| remembered that she wanted some
cosmetic for the toilet, and turning to
the chemist asked, Have you any
Bloom of Youth?' The merchant,
over whose head more than fifty sum-
mers had passed, turned to one of
his clerks and asked in business
way: ''Have | any bloom of youth
left?" The clerk looked up with
quiet smile, and answered, Il believe
| not, sir"
A lady residing in the northeastern
part OF town recently wanted the ser
vices of an Indian to pick a goose. She
approached the first one she met with:
Jim, you like to come and pick a
goose for meP" The noble red man
thus addressed drew himself up to his
full height, expanded his chest with
pride and Indignation. and haughtily
inquired: You know me?' mo, |
don't know you." responded the lady,
somewhat surprised. "Ughr' grunted
the Indian. as if plying her ignorance
ME Captain Sam. Me no pick goose
Me send my wife. y" Virginia City fNev.)
Chronicle.
A poet says: 1.-The beauty of her
hair bewilders me-pouring adown the
brow its cloven tide, swirling about
the ears on either side, and falling.
around her neck unanimously" Very
poetical, that; but after he is married
and sees her hair swirling adown the
chair-back on either side, or pouring
its cloyen tide over one end of the
bureau, or falling around the bed-post
unanimously, the probabilities are
that his present bewilderment will be
80 per cent more bewildering. He
will be paralyzed. -Binghan,ton Re
publican.
A news item says that Portland man
left home to trade off horse which
oiu NV otit HilAl, dlu ICiuEUcu WIN
another horse, a watch, ten bushels of
potatoes, six dozen eggs, ten pounds of
butter and $50 in money in his pocket,
as the result of the trade" This may
be true, but the mans pocket must
have been rather remarkable for it's
roominess. If the horse had COM
menced to kick while in his pocket, the
animal would have made frightful
mess of the eggs and butter. and would
probably have spoiled the watch
AOrriStotO8 Herald.
Three men suddenly stood on their
heads, uttering frightful shrieks, at the
circus the other evening. The clown
had actually gotten off brand new
joke, and the unexpected occurrence
had unseated their reason Old circus
goers rose from their seats and rushed
about embracing each other with
emotion. One white-headed old man
was carried out, eXclaiming: Il slways
said it would happen some day. Now