News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-05-29
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS,
Anew CLIPPINGs.THAT WILLrCArsE
A SMILE.

FEW CLIPPINGSTHAT WILLrCAUSF
| A SMILE.
The Lovers Dismal Doom-A Petrifyip,
Sight-COmpIeteiy RIystifed-The Edi-
tor's,Hint-Beginn ming Early In Life Etc.
| BEGINNING EARLY IN LIFE.
eyes," he said, 81 have been in dent
tistry all my life. In fact, entered the
profession when baby"
'That's absurd. What can baby do
in dentistry? ?"
SIT can cut teeth. ."-Phila. Call.
WHY FLOWERS ARE LIKE WHISKY.
First Citizen-( Contemplating some
bouquets in florists window)-"Flow-
ers are such beautiful ,hings."
Second Citizen-ey es, and yet they
are like whisky in crs respect"
First Citizen-"What respect do your
refer to ?"
Second Citizen-"They make a nose
gay; SO does whisky. OIL city Der
rick.
ONL1 two RIVALS.
-"Rather an odd kind of a con-
test, that"
Smith-"What contest are you allud-
ing to ?'
Jones-''A friend of mine was Just
telling me that at fair in Sanfeld,
Conn.,, the people voted a silk hat to the
wickedest man in town"
Smith-''Indeed | Which won-the
milkman or the coal dealer ?''-Ph5Ea.
Eue. Call.
A PETRIFYING SIGHT.
A Rockland girl was looking discon-
solately out the window at the rain the
other day, and in moment of dreamy
abstraction she puckered up her counte-
nance and attempted to whistle. 1t un-
fortunately happened that the young
man who is courting her was passing at
the time, and he glanced up at the win
dow with most engaging smile. But
the smile froze on his lips at the sight
he beheld, and that night he went to
call on brand new girl. Those who
have seen woman try to whistle will
understand why the young man thought |
his girl was making faces at him.
zette.
MYSTIFIED. |
Mr.. B.-''I see the railroad passenger
agents have been holding meeting"
Mrs. B.-"Are the men who stand |
behind the window and sell tickets
called passenger agents ?"
81 believe So"
"Wel, I don't see how they can do
anything at meeting"
"Why not ?"
"They can't talk
"Can't talk?"
"No. They can't do anything but
grunt. !"
GENTLE HINT.
Dnnk tan eAUnunso nenuy- WIS
rather a curious achievement for an
editor"
Blank (an editor)-"W was ?"
81 see by this paper that the editor of
a Colorado journal has killed cinna-
mon bear weighing 1900 pounds.
''That bear must have come into the
office to look over exchanges. "-Phita.
Call.
TWO TIMES COMPARED.
They were sitting in the parlor and
she was getting sleepy.
"What time is it ?" she asked.
He looked at his watch and replied
that it lacked five minutes of IL, and
then, being struck with an idea, he
asked:
"Why is my watch like you, my pet ?"
81 don't know"
Because it is very pretty" he replied.
"And why is my watch like you? ?"
she asked.
81 don't know, I'm sure. Why is
your watch like me, my dear p
because it won't CO." she replied
wit yawn.
The young man then went home.-
Oil city Blizzard
THE CHANGES SHE PROPOSED.
Mr.. B. a: 81 am fearfully tired of the
same routine day after day. do wish
conld have change"
Mrs. B. !: "What kind of a changer"
"Oh, anything at ali, just by way of
variety; something novel, you know-a
strange experience of some sort"
81 think I can suggest a novelty
which will be change for both of us. I"
"That's dear girl. What is it?"
"Try coming home SOBER
sEAsoNABLE PoRM.
The turtles drum in the pulseless bay,
The crickets creak in the prickful hedge,
The bullfrogs boom in the pudding sedge,
And the whoopee whoops its vesper lay
In the twilight soft and gray.
Two lovers stroll in the glinting gloam-
His hand in her'n and-fter'n in his
She blushed deep-he is,talking biz
They hug and pop as they listless roam
They roam
It's late when they get back homo.
Down by the little wicket gate,
Down where the creepful ivy grows,
Down where the sweet nasturtium blows,
A box-toed parent lies in yait- ....
In wait
For the maiden and her mate.
Let the crickets'creak- and bullfrogs boom,
The Whospee wall in the distant dell
Their tuneful throbs will neer dispeIl
The planted pain and the rooted gloom
The gloom
OF the lovers dismal doom. l
Electricity for Lighthouses.
1t Is strange that, with the many and
increasing naaa of bo olool.:o