The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-06-25
HUMOR OF H DAY.

"Another expedition to the pole," said
the man as he wendell his way to the
barber shop.--Satunlay Night.
A spring house is a house with a spring
in it, and q spring bonnet is usually
worn above a waterfall. --Btsnnarck
Tribune.
1t seems queer, but it is true, that the
stuff that makes a man tight frequently
loosens his tongue.-Phladelphia Chroni.
cie.HeyuM.
A war-horse is always spoken of as a
heavy charger, and yet we never hear OF
a tailor being called a war-horse.-
Rocklaad Courier.
ooh, mamma" said little Paul, when
the new baby was shown him for the first
time, ''can | wear baby's dresses when l
grow tall cnough'"-Phihdelphn CaM.
It is said that the size of mems pants
is to be- increased. Even at that they
will be nothing to the signs IF the fell
low who can't get n new pair.-Boston
Star.
A gossipping exchange reveals the Sc
crct that there are 1S, 900 more women
than men in Boston. The Hub is evil
IDENTIFY hard up for felloes. Burlington
Free Press.
1t should be said, in justice to the
father of his country, that the New Jer-
sey %centcnarian whom George Washing
ton is said to have kissed did not look
then as she does now.-New York Graphic.
A young poetess says she "told her Sc
cret to the sweet wild roses" Size was
very %imprudent. When the sweet wild
roses "blow," she will wish she had kept
her secret to herself. -Norristo,on Herald.
The Blizzard, dazzlcd by the reports of
the splendor and style which the emperor
of Japan puts on, is led to believe that he
keeps q housekeeper and two girls. Ay,
man, and we heard that he has pie every
day.--.Hhwkeye.
"Have you heard from Smith ?" "No.
What about him ?" why, they say he's
living at deaths door" ''Indeed. Well,
that merely shows the truth of the prov
erb that the ruling passion is strong even
in death. "-Blzzard.
1--WE raised four children chiefly on
bread and BUTTER" said q mother to a
companion while slipping tea together.
well, if it was as stroug as this butter
do not see why you shouldn't raise
them," was the caustic reply.-States-
At the stock exchange: "My dear boy,
the business world is divided into camps,
the gamblers and the spectators" II
don't exactly see the difference" otis
very simple, The Spectator is one who
gains. When a man loses he is only q
gamblern-Fienh Wit.
Its the early bird, my boy, that gets
the worm," remarked a father to his son
who was late 10 breakfast. "Well, sup.
pose the worm don't come around how's
the bird to get it2" The father remarked
something about smart Alexis and
dropped the subject.-Peck's Sun.
~ don't think I'm cranky" said 9
dudish young fellow. "but when l &c
out with my dog, and hear a man
whistle and I look around, and he says
he was whistling at the old dog and not
the puppy, l think it was time | was as
serting my rights. -Me,chant- 7iracsler.
Soon will tho merry picnic days
In season roll around,
When. to escape the suns fierce rows,
Wen seek the shaded ground,
Where ants have a peculiar knacs
Of wandering from their bed
And marching up a fellows back
With a slow and measured treal.
Bismarck Tribune.
"You needn't be so fly" said the new
boarder to the pretty waitress. Eyes
terday you poured soup down my back,
and tonight you tipped one of my bis
cult, up my sleeve, and the other is so
small it looks lonesome" "Well, you
are particular" said the pretty waitress,
combing out her best bangs with jew
eled fingers. you'll want butter in
vour oleomargarine next, and fish balls
twice a week. Beefstewmuttonrag-
Observation-Disclosures ~ She had the
last word.-DettVit Free Press.