Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-02-07
MIRTH AND ME RRIMENT

\ A woman who was hurrying aloul
Catharine street the other day was halt
ell by an acquaintance who inquired Il
anything had happened. ~ should
think sol" she exclaimed in great ex
element. "There's been thieves In
the housed" "No!' Yes, and I've
been robbedH' "Of what?" well, all
] miss are pair of earrings and hair.
brush, y "And where are you going?"
after an off cer." Exactly. Now lot
me give yon piece of advice. Make
out that there were at least three thieves.
They got away with all your jewlery,
q lot Of clothes, $50 in money,
and some valuable papers. Make it
out az big NJ you can" "Oh, ! was
intending to do that, sir. Yes, indeed,
| will. "And II you meet a reporter
add to the rest that afiendish attempt
was made to set your house on fire and
roast your children alive" "I'll do
1t sir. | was already wondering wheth-
er Ido have 'em start the fire in a
closet or on the bed. I'll make the
neighborsj jealous If have to beknocked
down with club"
" You know, ma, that in Philadel-
phia people always ask who ones
grandfather was, and as | am going
there soon you must tell me. Was my
grandfather judge, or governor, or a |
president, or anything" We'll, no,
my dear. He became very rich, though.
aud you may say he had something to |
do with banks" But what was his
profession or trade % ooh, never
mind about that. "But those Phladel.
phia people will ask me, you know"
Well, the only trade he ever learned
was shoemaking." Shoenaking Oh,
we'll, he got rich, 80 that is all right"
" Yes, he made shoes great MANY
years. He harmed the trade and work
ed in a pententiary, but you need not
mention that"
A Scotchman who arrived in Littlel
Rock, while the ladies were going
around with the petitions with view
to the enforcement of the temperance
law, was approached by IN enthusiastic
woman who requested his signature.
He did not understand and she explain.
sd that an enforcement of the law pro-
hibited a saloon within three miles of
dona much about it, but |
dina ken but twould be cheaper to move
the kinks than the whisky shops" and
with this idea Of public expenditure he
refused to sign the petition.
A lady had in her employ an excel
ent girl who had one tault-her face
" a. always grimy. Mrs. X, wishing
% tell her to wash her face without of
tending her, at last resOrt.d to strategy.
Do you know, Bridget" she remark
Nj, in a confidential manner, that, i'll,
you wash your face every day in hot
'oap and water, it will make you beau.
iful 2" viii it ?" answered the
Willy Bridget. "Sure it's wonder We
lever tried it, ma'amv'
You look well fed, are well dress
md all that. Must have II good income,
presume?" "Oh, yes" replied Kos.
iusko. " cant complain. have my
alary, $1,000 {; then | make $500 a year
" my literary labors, that makes {
2, 900 then | run in debt 81 900, that
makes $1,000. A single man who
ouldn't subsist on that ought to be
shamed of himself"
In crowd " Who is that man ?" ,
ouJ ITO lhOHc VI lHt IuOhb ItTOUllutubI
rish- Americans" ",Who is that other
ne 2" He is a distinguished Ger
nan American" And that one ?"
A well known French
And that one over there with a bun
lie under his arm ?" "Oh, he's no.
ody- nothing but an American-Ameri- :
an"
No, he never sleeps during SER
non" said the deacon of brother in
ho church. A rare good man ?" in. a
mated the person addressed. Yes, b
ut-" "But what ?" "He is al.
Ways asleep when the contribution box
$ being passed around" was the sad re- i
ponse.
In Livingston (Montana) court the
efendant in a case of assault said
Yes. licked him, and-with an oath ),
IN lick him again !" And the jury ID
aturned verdict Of not guilty. le
" Ilell.tO pay" is a station on the
'orthern Pacific in Montana. 1t was I
AIMED by d man whose suspenders p
roke there.
What room would one expect to find in h
castle in the air "A "brown study" u
, te sure. II
"Sunset-red Is beautiful new :
DO. worn on the skirts Of Day. r