The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-09-20

sand .s . around her. 2 any longer watching
 It's % lovely" murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke, turning again to the falls. !" Oh, my dear, Think 4 a man going over those falls '" and Mrs. Spoopendyke shaddered
 He wouldn't he any more cf measiy ass than . man who pays dollar to % under 'emr argued MT. Spocpendyke. who still retained a lively recollecuon q his experience on the American side. If come here again, and if God gives me my health I won't, think ii; try to So over the falls, provided there Is any chance of my dropping on the EsQui- manx who poured me into a rubber bathing sait, with hole under each arm and a ait up the back. Say, my dear suppose we give this fafigue uniform with a bad smell to some worthy charisy.' -
 @That's my squaw's dress faitered Mrs Spoopendyke. and wouldn't take anything fcs is."
 .l wish the man bought 1t of had felt that way." groaned Mir. Spoopendyke. @ Iust pull it through the back strap oi my trousers, will ye, and tie those knock kneed garters around my waist. Lock out for that bAttle-axe. want that my self 10 open oysters with Where's the shoe that belonged to the game-legged warrior with the pip? Here's one where's the other"
 Airs. Spoopendyke foand it in his hat, and then announced her readiness to take in the rest of the show.
 aThere's a man down here that's got 2 whirlpool" explained Mir Spoopendyke, experimenting some difficulties in getting under way with his trophies. !" don't know whether he is in the habi, of exhib- isirg it to band wagons. but if he IS and he don't insist on having me buy 1t, we'll take look al it. Come along
 "is that the suspension bridge 7" asked Mrs Spoopendyke, as they drove past it
 "Yes; want i," demanded her bus band. Though don't know why they should call it suspension, when every thing else around here appears to be IF active financial operation. Let's figure up how much this drive is going to cost, Twice six hundred for the horses i. twenty-four hundred, and add twelve hundred for the wagon makes three thou sand. Multiply that by the distance. three miles, and you get nine thousand dollars Cheap. Here, my dear, what's become of that scalpf Where's the scalp of that primeval old convert gave dol lar for What's become of the hair of the archaeological old pirate that sold photographs around this corner before the foot of the adventurous white man ever penetrated these recesses. Do you ditccver any remnants of geological formation in bangs around this display of untutored industry" howled Mir Spoopepdyke, rising in wrath as he vainly piowed through his acquisitions for the missing spells of war. !" Do you appear to observe fugue in wool lurking around this dime museum of pre-Ad- amite relicsg"
 "Didn't-didn't you put 1t on your own head ?" asked Ms. Spoopendyke, with a misty recollection that he adorned him. self with his prize
 "Shouidn't wonder"' "' grunsed Mir. Spoopendyke, locasing the scalp without further trouble. Il wanted it to feel at home. Here's the whirlpool. Look out how you step. Now get into this box and we'll 20 down where we can sec it Be careful how you sit on that war hat of dyed hen feathers. don't mind your sitting on it, but sit down straight so you'll bust 'em all even. Let go, will yer
 .But suppose that rope should break !' gurRled Mrs. Spoopendyke, olinging to her husbands arm with one hand and the side of the car with the other. ~You'd have reached the bottom all the same" gTinned Mr. Spodpendyke. as the car came to q stand. "lsn't that a great sight? See the whirlpool?" 3Whesev inquired Mrs. Spoopen- dyke. ~hc ~:s peering into the bushes | for snakes.
 ~Over there. Where'd ye s'pose 1t was-in the weeds! Walk behind, can't ye? Don't ye see you're upsesting this congregation ot genuine Indian, water. tight, hre-proof ingenuity. There goes the-wheop. Catch that canoe.' In trying to rescue the bark MT. Spoopendyke dropped his battle-ax over board. and lost hts hat, with the wig, and one moccasin.
 A votive offering to the wonder of the world VI he yelled, as he fired the other shoe into the rapids. "Spoopen- dyke and Niagara join hands this style for seventy-hse centsw And in ven: the war club. "'Or, since that has Jeff my b,eass, keep it, nov, and take the rest v" and the stereoscopic views fol- lowed, succeeded by two spears, a bow, and a quiver of arrows. "'Co where glory awaits thee!'" he roared, as be filled the air with bead york and photo graphs of the falls. '' Gone to meet Cap tain Webb" he shrieked, dancing q vraahful horn-pipe, and shysng the bag and work-basket far into the rapids Oh, Maid of the Mist this is in your Eine!" and the squa~'. dress sailed ou' into the pool, and was whirIed away. sCot any more tnamphs by field and food!" he squeale1. turning on his hor- TOT r-stricken vile Know where the whirlpool is nos! Cot some kind of a notion that I have pointed it out success fully, havest ye? Well, have. and nov you're gong home ."-and Mir. Spoopendyke settled his ears down on ! l. ~I smA k~w AA