The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-02-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


industrious hen.
In the recent gale many doors were
severely hingeured.
A dangerous practice-that of the
newly dedged physician.
Christopher Columbus was one of the
first men to 'go West"
The man who lost his shoes is discon-
solate-they were his sole support
The original Mary's little ''lamb" was
given to her by her angry mother-and
Mary wept.- Wilmington Star.
"Papas Home Tonight" is the title Of
the latest song. Late hours fetch them
all, sooner or later.-BoSt0n Globe.
Cruel: Clancy, mummy, the hair
dresser fellow wanted to shave my mus
tache OFF," "Yes2 Well-and did hep
Punch.
We are told nothing was made in
vain; but how about the fashionable
girl2 Isn't she maiden vainl-.Salem
Sunbeam.
We may expect to hear our Fourth Of
the hog squeal!n instead of Let the
eagle scream !'-NorristoO Herald.
At this season of the year you never
hear of elephants killing their keepers.
Such stories now would do the mena-
6 RE no good.-Picayune.
Two boys quarrellng: my pa is a
! preacher and will go to heaven" Yes
an my pa is doctor an can kill your
ole pa. '-Arkaasato 7raceLer.
81 pride myself on my descent" said
a spinster of uncertain age, recently.
Zone of my ancestors came over with
the Conqueror. (Which one was it,
cried u cruel wit, ''your father or your
motherl"
The indianapolis Journal says that the
! average citizen wants u lock with foul
keyholes. Unless the average citizen has
improved much of late, one keyhole is
usually about all he can tind.-AeU York
! Graphic.
When Charlie went to see his best girl
and her father bounced him through the
front door, he said he would keep his
temper on the girls account, but he
could not help feeling somewhat put
out .-SVtings.
ga farmers wife, wants to know if We
can recommend anything to destroy the
common grub We guess the neXt
tramp that comes along could obligt
you, if the family can't stand your cook
ing.-Burlingt0n Free Press.
1t is announced that the ma jority O.
our United States Senators are profes
sional men, but from the wild manner il
which they are presenting bills on'
would almost be led to believe they ar,
plumbers or livery men.-Bismarck 1ri
tune.
A Philadelphia hotel-kceper seeks t.
scare the rural visitor into turning of
the gas with notices thus: "The relative
and friends of guests who blow out thu
gas will have to pay for the amount o.
gas wasted before the body will be de
livered."
A philosophical contemporary re
quests us not to despise small things
but what are you going to do in the cast
of the fellow who runs his hand up owe
your vest front and takes the last cigal
out of your upper watch pocket'-Ltock
land C0arier.
The cheapest and simplest gymnasium
in the world--one that will eXcrcis,
every bone and muscle in the body
fiat piece of steel, notched on on
side, fitted tightly into a wooden frame
and, after being CREASED on both side
with bacon rind, rubbed into stick o
wood laid lengthwise on sawbuck.
900 you know" said Fort Lincoll
man to the young lady who was driving
while out sleigh-riding, that in the Eas
the other day two young people were on
just as we are and the sleigh upset, anC
that little accident was the cause of
wedding within week" Ten minute
later they were laundering in the snow
but the girl says it was an accident
Bismarck Tribuhe.
A young man recently thought h
would create some merrlment in church
so he dropped handful of pennies il
the plate. But the plate had a velve
lining, and when the coppers fell in i
and made no more noise than a dollar
note would have made, and that younl
man figured up what he could have pur
chased with the money, he was abou
the maddest man in that church. ii
looked dazed, as though suddenly re
covering consciousness and not KNOWN,
| rla,.. L, Il