The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-07-19
A NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
n Military Razor as an Inducemcnt to
Izaak Walton's Gentle Sport.

Apropos of suicide being crime,
says writer in the San Francisco
Arg0Raut, | am reminded of an anec-
| dote OF Magruder, who was in some
sort the Bill Nye of the army. Alarru-
der looked at everything from quiz
zical point of view. He was an Irish
mana brilliant man--but so possess
ed with the sense OF humor that he was
thoroughly illogical. He used to dress
in the most eccentric manner, and was
always carrying out strange theories
which he evolved from his inner con-
seriousness. When quite q young officer
he whiled away the tedium of his GAR
rison life by studying law under Judge
Castor, a distinguished jurist of the
day. He was quite proud of this fact,
and was wont often to allude to it.
One day Magruder became possessed
with the idea that fishermen did not
know how to catch haddock. He was
stationed in Maine, and he determined
to drill them to do it in q military
fashion.
"Dthiplinc is the thing, thir." In
addition to his other peculiarities Ma
gruder lisped badly. "Nlen should
catch fish like soldiers. By heaven,
thir this is true
No one was unwiso enough to dispute
it, and so Magruder went to work to
perfect his plans. Such is the force of
earnest persuasion that he succeeded
in convincing quito body of fishermen
20 90 in with him. At 4;30 in the morn
ing Magruder made the round of his
tents, for, in true soldier style, he had
put them all in tents. To his horror
he found his men asleep.
"By heavens, thir, said he to the
man in the first tent, "why arc you not
up?"
The fisherman only turned lazily in
his cot.
Get up, I tell YOU" said Magrudcr,
angrily; ''get up"
The fisherman, unused to the sweets
of discipline, only cursed aloud Here
was a dilemma. "By heavens, thir,"
said Magruder, as he afterward told the
story on himself, 81 had to do some
thing TO preserve discipline. So | told
him that if he didn't get up I'd cut his
throat"
1t seems, however, that the man paid
not the slightest attention to what he
considered an impotent threat.
But, unfortunately for him, Magru-
der was quite logical in his absurdities.
Besides, he reasoned thus Il have
said would cut his throat, and by
heaven | must do it!'' So thinking he
stole up to the man, took razor and
drew it across the cuticle, intending
merely to draw blood. But the man
moved, SO that the cash was quite con-
siderable. The sacriicial victim roared,
and man in an adjoining tent came
to the rescue. Magruder turned
angrily to the newcomer and said;
Tie this man up to that tree
He did not dare to hesitate. He saw
the blood flowing freely from his COM
panion's throat. He saw Magruder
with a razor in his hand. So the man
was duly tied up.
"Now, thir, will you get up in the
morning and 60 out fishing when l tell
you?"
The man, now terrified and weak
from loss of blood, yielded, and prom
ised anything.
Take him down." said Magruder,
sternly. The order was executed.
"Now sign this paper" And with this
he tore leaf out of his notebook, on
which he had written a confession that
the luckless fisherman had cut his own
throat in the intention of committing
suicide.
"Now, thir, if you dare say anything
about what has occurred this morning
| shall produce this paper The at
tempt to commit suicide is crime.
BY heaven! | know. | have studied
law under Judge Castor"