River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1884-10-09
TARDY LOVERS.
A Great Problem.


had ever met with. In simple diction
and with much pathos, not unmingled
with humor, it embodied the feelings
of a maiden who had worked herself VI
to this desperate resolution that hel
lover must either "come up to the
scratch" or be shown to the front door,
and then came in the appeal:
50 if there is nothing you're waiting to say,
Don't you think we had best say adieu?"
with minor third for the last syllable
positively melting in its plaintiveness
She thus puts the young man into a
corner, and though we do not get hi:
answer, we trust that he is thoroughly
ashamed of himself, and runs off to be
asked" forthwith. Now. this song
ought to command a large market, be.
cause the situation it depicts is that of a
great many more maidens than would
like to confess it and if sung with the
right information, the proper color OF
waistband, the due amount of negli.
gence in the hair, the right play of the
eyelashes, a suggestion of heartless
desertion in the high-heeled shoes, the
proper number of candles In the room,
the right sort of supper cooking below y,
and nobody to listen but the right
young maxwell, it ought, at least, to
be worth more than the customary Is.
net.
rTI,s, -. 1sfn 60
too common indeed, it ought never to
occur at all. Our young men, who have
so many more opportunities for culture
and enlightment than we had when we
were young monthly magazines, eight
hours at the seaside, Mr. Matthew Ar
nold's lectures, compulsory vaccination,
and so many others-ought really
to know better than to place
young lady in this dilemma.
When young Jones goes to see young
Brown three times week regularly,
besides calling in the morning to walk
with him to business, is not his object
transparent? How can he imagine that
any one supposes he does so for the
sake of Browns company, or that 1t is
not Miss Brown who is the real attrac-
tionl When he sings duets with the
the young lady asks for his ia
favorite pieces from her fair
hands, and actually goes the length
of presenting her with music, how can
he suppose that any one Will imagine it
is simply for the satisfaction of his mu-
steal ear? The Monday Pops or the
Christy minstrels, according to his
taste, are open to him, if that was all.
If he has no Intentions, why does he
send round orders for the theatre for
young Brown and his sister, meeting
the pair at the door and paying for a
ticket, instead of going with friend
himself? 1t is of no use for him to
think that it is a mere recognition of
the hospitality he receives, for none
with grain of sense could take it in
that light. Why does he accompany
the younger members of the family to
the local dances, and waltz thrice with
Miss Brown? The subterfuge that
he addresses to himself that he
''must dance with somebody is
too transparent and too contempt-
ible for refutation. Then Why on earth
does he kiss the younger Brown chill
dren, if it is not by way of gentle hint
tlldt NO IL OlAlF Wv l'IFBeliVA w S"tuVO,
under proper conditions, Miss Brown
herself? Young men are not in the habit
of kissing children without a reason for
it, and there is no adequate reason but
an elder sister. Why is he 50 hearty
with Brown senior, sitting out with un-
wearied counentance that gentleman s
longest stories, if he is not really medi-
tating short story of his own, in return,
conveying necessary personal particu-
lars, and concluding with an offer to
cement! Why does he smile Mt the ser
want, and the servant smile at him,
when lie asks if Young Mr.. Brown is
in, if there is really nothing more Gin
it" than an attachement to Brown junior
And when, after all these signs and tok-
ems which point to only one issue, young
Jones keeps ON coming and coming but
never comes to the point, is not his con-
duct shocking, and has not every one a
right to be offended? is not the whole
household necessitated to take the mat
ter up. and even the maid forced by
sympathy to smile no longer at Jones
when he appears on the door step
Here is indeed distressing family sit
uation, brought about by thoughtless
NOUUH lLlILI. WIZ, liO tlOubNs NbNiAtA lOt
harm a fly, or needlessly set foot on a
worm, or give any man bad cigar,
or shut any railway carriage door
against mother and infant, if he knew
it. And this situation, also, repeats
inself, mutatis, mutandis, in very many
households The tardy lover obtrudes
himself with Indifference into the cas-
tie and the cottage. There he is, a
problem for every one to deal with, and
he must he dealt with; but how to deal
with him?
The men, towards as they are, act in
the meanest manner, and say with bra
zen countenances that it is plainly a
woman's business; but this suggestion
is received on the feminine side with
disapprobation, if not disgust, and
though attacked with much flattery,
they remain obdurate in their refusal to
carry it out. Ewes, rather than tongues
suggest whether something cannot be
done by Matilda herself, but when Ma
tilda folds her hands and casts her wan
eyes up to the ceiling, declares that she
would rather die first, and leaves the
room with gush of tears and the slight
est slam to the door, every one frowns
upon every one else for having dared to
intimate sucn thing. No, some one
else must be chosen. Then young
Brown feels the eyes ofall turned upon
him. He is Jones's bosom friend, and
knows more about him and his DISPOSE
ton than any one else, and could
put the matter delicately. But young
Brown rebels. He can tell them all
about Jones, as far as that goes; knows
he is quite right as to position, pros
poets, habits, and so forth; is sure he
is fond of Matilda; but as to dropping
the desirable mint, he feels that he
should only make COMPOUNDED mess of
it. and probably brighten Jones off al
together. Then who else is to do it?
Peter? OF course he can speak "if it
becomes necessary, when" but things
are hardly ripe for his intervention,
and he thinks it would be much better
received from some other quarter.
Mater? But Mater cOnfesses that she
has already said all she dare say, has
drawn Jones's attention in the most de
licate manner to Matilda's manifestly
declining health, has warned him of
heart disease and threatened him with
a decline, at which he was evidently
much concerned, hut still did not speak
out. SO the gentle hint was eventually to
be abandoned.
Possibly the next stratagem that sug
gcsts itself is a change of demeauor on