The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1884-11-20
NIcoDEMus DODGE.
One of Mark Twain's Old Sketches, Which
is Good Enough to Read Again.

4
day, and, without removing his hands
fl ON the depths of his trousers-pockets
OF taking off his faded ruin of a sloucf
hat, whose broken rim hung limp anC
ragged about his ears like bug-eater
cabbage leaf, stared indiferently
around. then leaned his hip against the
editors table, crossed his mighty bro
CANS, aimed at distant fly from crev.
ice in his upper teeth, laid him low, and
said. with composure:
"Who's the boss?n
'I'm the boss" said the editor, fol.
lowing this curious bit of architecture
wonderingly along up to its clock face
with his eye.
Don't want anybody to learn the
business faint likely?"
"Well. l don't know. Would you like
to learn it?'
''P'aps so; pa he can trun me no mo-,
10 want to git show somers if | can,
faint no difference what. I'm strong
and hearty, and l won't turn my back
on no kind of work, hard or soft
''Do you think You would like to learn
the printing business?"
"Well, don't rely keer a darn what
l do learn, SOS git chance fur to
make my way. l just as soon learn
printin's anything"
''Can you read?"
"Yes, middl'in'."
''Write?"
"Wcn. I've seedpeople could lay over
me thar
"Cipher?"
Not good enough to keep store, l
don reckon: but at twelve times twelve
l amt no SLOUGH. T'other side of that
is what gifts me-"
where's your home?'
I'm from old Shelby"
What's your fathers religious de-
nomination."
Him? o, he's blacksmith"
'.No, mo- don't mean his trade.
What's his religious denomination?
20, didn't understand you befo'.
He is FreemasOn."
No. no-you don't get my meaning
yet. What l mean is, does he belong
to any church,
''Now you're talking! Couldn't make
out what You was a-trying to git
through yo' head no way. Belong to q
church? Why. he's..thc pizenest kind OF
a Freewill Baptist for forty years.
There amt no pizener ones what he is.
If they said difrunt they wouldn't say
it whar wur-not much they wouldn't"
whats your religion?"
"Well, boss, you've kind O. got me
thar"
What is your name?'
'NicOdemus Dodge"
Il think maybe you'll do, Nicodemus;
We'll give you trial anyway"
''All right
when would you like to begin?"
Now"
So within ten minutes after we had
first glimpsed this nondescript he was
one of us, and with his coat off and
hard at it.
Beyond the end of our establishment,
which was furthest from the street, was
a deserted garden, painless and thickly
grown up with blooming villainous
''jimpson" weed and its common friend,
the stately suntlower. In the midst of
this Ihournful spot was a decayed and
aged little frame house with but one
room, one window and no ceiling; it had
been smoke-house generation before.
Nicodemus was given this lonely and
ghostly den as bed-chamber.
The village smarties recognized a
treasure in Nicodemus right away-a
butt to play jokes on. 1t was easy to
see that he was inconceivably green and
George Jones had the honor
of perpetrating the first joke on him.
He gave him cigar with fire-cracker
in it, and winked to the crowd to come.
The thing exploded presently and swept
away the bulk of NicOdemus' brows and
eye-lashes. He simply said:
Il consider these kind of seegyars
and seemed to suspect |
The next evening he waylaid
George and poured a bucket of ice
water over him.
One day, while Nicodemus was SWIM |
ming. Tom. Elroy tied his clothes. Mic
demus made a bonfire of Toms by way |
of retaliation.
A third joke was played on Nicode-
mus a day or two later. He walked up
the middle aisle of the village church |
Sunday night with staring hand-bill |
pinned between his shoulders The
Joker spent the remainder of the night |
after church in a cellar of deserted |
house, and Nicodemus sat on the cellar |
door till toward breakfast time to make
sure that the prisoner remembered that |
f any noise was made rough treatment
would be the consequence. The cellar
had two feet of stagnant water in it |
md was bottomed with six inches of |
mud.
Before very long time had elapsed
comfortable consciousness of not having
made a very shining success out of their
attempts on the simpleton from old
Shelby. Experiments grew scarce and
,hary. Now the young doctor came to
he rescue. There was delight and APP
Ilause when lee proposed to scare NicO-
lemus to death, and explained
low he was going to do it. He had a
noble new skeleton-the skeleton of
he late and only local celebrity,
Jimmie Finn. the village drunkard-a
,IlSly piece Vi property WHICH ne nau
bought of Jimmie Finn himself at auc-
ition, for fifty dollars, under great COM
,etion, when Jimmie lay very sick in
he lanyard fortnight before his death.
The fifty dollars had gone promptly for
whisky. and had considerably hurried
Up the change of ownership in the skel-
ton. The doctor would put Jimmie
inns skeleton in Nicodemus' bed.
This was done about 1890 in the
'vening. About Nicodemus' usual bed
ime- midnight-the village .jokers
anne creeping stealthily through the
impsoa weeds and sunfowers toward