Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-02-20
NO MATCH FOR THE DUDE.
An Esthete from Boston Rather AstOnish
es Bill jackson, of Texas
lFrom the Chicago News

lFrom the Chicago Newsl
"Ialk about yer doods," said Texas
stockman on the Chicago, Burlington
and Quincy train last night, "but a leetle
the doodest dood | ever seen was Teller
that come down from Boston into our
kentry year ago las September"
"He didn't stay in Texas long, I guess"
said little man in silk hat.
''Yaas, he's there now."
81 thought they wouldn't let dude
live in Texas"
"Waal, I'll tell you how it wuz we
come to let him stay. He come down
there with his peeked boots an his tight
trousers an yaller kid gloves, slingin'
more style than new congressman on
the 10th O. July, an a-tellin' folks thet
his doctor said he'd got the consumption
an d have to live in a warm climate"
"Ab, yes, of course, you pitied the
poor fellow, and let him stay on that &C
count"
'tNot exactly that; but, as I was assay
In he slung his style like a Mormon
walkin' by United States MarshaPs Of
fee. WAL, one night he come into
saloon where lot of us wuz a-drinklng,
aA' e steps up to the bar an says: 'Aw-
say, bah-tendah, give me trife aw
VAIN lemonade. Bill Jackson snorted
right out, an then say e: Boys, what
dye say? les make the dood drink GIN
1t wuz a go, so Bill walks up an
slaps the dood on the back like he'd
break i'm in two. Bills the best man
On the muscle in our hull kentry. Say
says Bill, you'd better drink gin.' saw
but it is q VAIN lemonade [ desiah, says
the dood. 'Waal, says Bill, warm lem
onade don't go In these ERE parts; you
drinks gin or you drinks nuthin; you
hear me?' 'It-aw-seems to me you're
mistaken, says the dood, 'ithout seemin'
to see there wuz trouble ahead; Il want
to-aw-drink VAIN lemonade, an he
reach out fur the glass. Bill wunk at
the rest of us and says to the dood: Dye
know what I'm a-goin' to do eff you tries
to drink anything but gimp 'Weally, I
do not, nah deah boy. 'Waal,' says
Bill, I'm a-going to stand you on your
head in that air box o. sawdust.' saw
that would not be wight, says the dood,
a-tipping up his glass to drink. BM
reach out an GRABBED him by the neck,
an never seen man git licked 80
quick"
''Bill was too much for him, was hep"
''No SIRE, it wuz tother way. It wuz
Bill that got licked. Jerusalem an
Gin'ral Jackson, but how that dood did
jump about! An every time e jumped
e fetched Bill one on the eye er under
the ear er along the jaw, an Bill couldn't
get within gunshot Nv 'im., Why that
air dood he'd more tricks fur fghtin' than
Bill ever dreamp' Nv. Furst he'd be be-
hind Bill an then on top uv'im, an then
under m, an every time Bill opened an
eye the dood stuck fist into terry
fist, it didn't make no Difference to him.
He wuz just about es handy with his
thumpers es any man needs to be in this
world. It didn't take him more'n min
ute to go all around Bill an over i'm an
through i'm in the bargain; an then
when he had Bill pretty we'll licked he
took him the allfredest crack on the
nose an sent m over in the corner be-
hind the ice-box like bundle O. old
clo'es."
"What did he do then?"
"Why, he just turned aroun' an
brushed the sawdust off his knee where
he'd ducked down to come up under Bill,
an says he: Gentlemen, will you all
join me-aw-in awa'm lemonade?' An
we jined i'm, too quick.
eyes, he's there yet; an / guess he kin
stay unless the consumption gifts away
with i'm. There hain't nothing else
down there that kin do it, that's sure. !"