davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
Almost PEI suaded

Gen. HartsuT. who a one time com
manded the Army of the Ohio, used
to tell good one on Gen Manson
When they were down at~.the front
Gen. Hartsutf secured ten gallons o
fine old whisky. The morning after
its arrival Gen. Manson rode up tC
llartsutts tent on official business.
Good morning, general dismount,
said Hartsutf.
Can't do it, said Manson; 4 have
to ride my lines.
But | have pint of fine old wins
Ky, and
Hold my horse, orderly interrupt
ed Manson, who was in the tent before
sentence could be finished. Manson
drank about half the contents of the
flask, and, handing it back, said:
Put that away carefully: it is pre-
cious stuff, and the army cannot afford
to have it wasted
All right, general; but you must
come back every day until the whole
pint is gone
Count on my presence, SAID Manson
as he mounted his horse, and he kept
his word for the next five or six days
At the end of six days the pint was
still full, and when it was passed tc
the general, be held it up and said:
'IIartsutf, have never been much oi
a Christian, but this almost persuades
mo hacausa If Is like the widow 5
cruise; it is fue whiskey, but great
heavens, how it does hold out for d
pint
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
v A r I E T I E S

I'll be even with you-remarked one
parallel line to the other.
1t takes long time for woman to
get into the thirties, but when she
does get there she stays.
In the social circles of the chicken
ward the lines are very distinctly
drawn for each hen has her own set.
Mamma, | want to see what is in
the box There isn't anything in it,
Tom.' oh, then | want to see what
there isn't in it.
'Oh, mamma, said little Paul. when
the naw baby was shown him for the
first time. can | wear baby's dresses
when | grow tall enough:
He that controlleth his temper is
greater than he who taketh city, bnt
"a braver man than these is he who
wears the first straw hat Of the season.
I'D hate to be in your shoes, said a
woman, as she was quarreling with Il
Ineighbor. You couldn't get into
them sarcastically replied the neigh
/ Dor.
A Western paper describes the com.
ing of furious whlrlwind "a cloud
like ii mans hand, which soon devel-
opad to the dimensions Of u Cincinnati
girls foot.
A woman in Maine has formed 23O
words from the letters of 'incompre-
hensibility.' 1t is safe to assert that
she did not clean Ter house this season.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
Listen, Boys,

Wordsworth says, The Boy is Father
Of the Man : and the Cleveland, (Ohio)
Farmer offers this good advice to
aspiring boys:
The highest attainment for you,
my boy, is to be man. The world is
full of counterlets. But it is IA grand
thing to stand upright in defence of
truth and principle. When persecu-
tions come some hide their faces until
the storm passes by: others can be
bought for "a mess of pottase. From
such an one, turn away. But stand by
friend; be man; do not run away
when danger threatens to overwhelm-
ed him or yourself Think for your
self. Read good books and read mems
faces. The eye is the window to the
soul; use your eyes and hold your
tongue. If opposition comes meet ii
manfally. If success crowns your
efforts bear it quietly Do your own
thinking and keep your own secrets
worship no man for his wealth nor his
lineage. Fine feathers don't always
cover fine birds. Be sober, be honest
be just in all your dealings with the
world; but true. They will sell yor
for money or popularity; don't trus
them Wear but one face and let i
be an honest one.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
z::elerf Rea1ing.
An Ingenious Thief.

'Of all the tricks, devices, subter
fuges, sharp dodges or deceptions |
ever saw said jeweler to Il reporter,
was one by which sharp fellow stole
from me three pairs Of diamond ear
rings. He evidently knew when |
was not in the shop. He came in one
day and said to one Of my clerks, is
Mr.. johnson in No. was the re-
ply. i am sorry for that he said, i
wish to buy "a pair of diamond ear
rings for nv wife This was repeated
on four or five successive DAYS. The
last time he said he would not wait to
see me, but would look at some ear
rings. The clerk showed him an as
sortment, and he finally selected three
pairs, valued at $500 and said, 1
guess | will let my wife select from
these. She will be at nv office in an
hour, and | want you to tell MIR.
Johnson to bring these around him
self, as he is acquainted with my
wife All right, sir, | will replied
the clerk. BY the way said the fell
low, 'if you will permit me. III write
note to Mr.. Johnson Certainly,
said the clerk, as he showed him a
desk, and pointed out where he could
get paper and envelopes. lie sat
down, wrote short note, folded 1t up,
and put it in an envelope and direct
ed it to me. Then he went back to
the counter and said to the clerk, 4
think you had letter put the three
pairs of earrings in here, so that Mr..
Johnson will be sure to bring the
right ones. Very WELL sid the
clerk, who handed out three pairs Of
earrings. The fellow dropped them
in the envelope before the clerk s
eyes, and was apparently about to seal
the envelope when he said suddenly,
oh, guess you may put IN that
pair, pointing to- pair that the clerk
had laid on the shelf behind him.
The clerk turned and got the other
pair and handed them t. the fellow
who dropped them apparently in the
same envelope, scaled them up, hand
ed them over. and said, Let Mr.. John.
son bring the iour pms 10 nv oiiict
as soon as he comes back, giving the
name of welI-known firm in the Vi
cinity. Then he left, and the clert
laid the envelope on one side until
; returned. OF course we found bu
one pair of diamond earrings in th'
, envelope which, was the last p'l1
dropped in. The other three pair
, were paste about the same size. Ih
etsellow had taken two OF my envelopes
,n.o one he had placed the thre
7 bogus pairs. When the Clerk turned
to get the fourth pair the fellow ha,
put the genuine into his pocket an(
r substituted the others. We .5y~per sav
him afterward, but heard that he ha.
: practiced the same game in other pla
| cas
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
He Would Be a Candidate.

Now, George, said Lurline. 'l've
promised to be your wife, and now
you must promise me one thing.
My darling, what is 1t p
That you will not be candidate
she said.
Not be candidate he said, Great
Scott. Anything but that nything
but that can't promise you that
why can't you promise that,
George
'Oh because all the fellows are cam
didates, Jones is candidate, Brown is
ii candidate, Simpkins is a candidate ;
they are all candidates. No, my dear,
I'll promise You anything in reason;
but can't give up my great North
American right to be candidate.
Then, SIR she replied sternly, 'our
paths henceforth diverge. I'll not
have my married life marred by polt
ical strife. Good night, sir
And George passed out1into the
street martyr to his principles.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
Volume XII. mo. 30.
Origen Of Sub Rosa.

You know that it means between
us or YOU mustn't tell It's ori lyon
is said to have been in this wise: In
the year b. c. Al, Pausanias, the COM
mander of the confederate feet Of tn"
Spartans and AthenianS, was engaged
in an intrigue with NerXeS for the
subiugation of Greece to the Persian
rule. and for the hand OF the mon
arch's daughter in marriage. Their
negotiations were carried on in a large
building attached to the temple of Mi
nerva. called the Brazar house, the
roof Of which was Il garden forming IA
bow er of roses, SO thar the plot, which
was conducted with the utmost secre-
cv was literally matured under the
rose Pausanias, however, was be-
traved by one If his emissaries, who.
by preconcerted plan with the ephorl
(the overseers and counsellOrs OF state,
five in number,) gave them secret
opportunity to hear from the lips OF
Pausanias himself the acknowledge
ment or his treason. TO escape arrest
he fled to the temple of Minerva, and,
as the sanctity of the place forbade
intrusion for violence or harm of any
kind, the people walled up the ediice
with stones and left him to die OF
starvation. Ills own mother laid the
first stone. 1t afterwards became II
custom among the Athenians to wear
roses in their hair whenever they
wished to communicate to another il
secret they wished to be kept invlo-
late. Hence, the saying SUB rosa
among them, and since among Chris
! tlln nations.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
ACME HALL. J, .
The Palace Clothing Estal]
lishment Of Baltimore,

Opens its doors o the public on April 5a',
and extends to al lovers Of Fine Clothing
a special invitation to look over its Good,
Our object is to supply gentlemen win
such Spring and Summer Clothing the
have hitherto been unable to procure e
cept from Merchants Tailors, at texorbitaF'
prices Werbviate all delays and chanc's
Of mistits that So frequently follow ordefe!
goods, and We guarantee our Carmen
fully equal, and even superior, to mos
measured work, at considerably low !.
figures.
The most fastidious cannot fail to Il
pleased with the Men. and Boys Gar
ments shownat
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
s1lrrt poetry,
THE ..AI.ERT'S' MISSION.
By : J DOUGLASS.

The Stars and Stripes are AT the peak
The south winds softly blow;
Determined men sail forth 10 seek
Brave men mid frost and snow,
Now clear the deck make all things trim
The pack, with deadly grip,
Awaits the prey with terrors grim
God guide thy course, good ship
Tny frame is firm as rock, and long
In Englands forests grew;
Beneath thine own proad heart beats strong
And pants for conquests new,
Now double sheathe thine oaken beams
of every weakness stripi
Wake like giant from thy dreams
God grid thy strength good ship
Thy course is not to trOpic seas,
" here thou hast bated thy wings
Forget the luxury OF ease
. That endless summer brings
Awake Remember Flosterg Beach,
The long night, chill aud dark;
Think OF the horrors thou didst reach
God add new fame, good bark
glory such as of We see
Humanity doth gain;
Then gather all thy might to thee,
To plough the ice-bound main.
Thou shalt not strive in every wave
| manned my bows 10 up,
But precious lives TO find aud SAVE
God crown thy search, good ship
Thou dearest forth all nations prayers
Thyseif art gift Of love;
Old England proves the zeal she bears
4 zeal our hearts 10 move.
Britous the horseshoe nailed OF yore
Upon Thy bO~sprii's tip;
The brave tar trusts the pledge it bore
Gsd bless the sign, good ship
As once Sir George flag was wreathed
And tossed by Arctic blast,
"Dsm pare spero' still II brealhei
From hammock and from mast.
That conquering motto COW DC thine
On all Thy dangerous trip
Its light 10 biaekesi tempest shine
God bless lhy voyage, good ship
Hsrptrs H,rkiy.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
Imitation Oysters.

The most singular thing | saw IN
Paris. said a gentleman Just returned
from Europe, to New York SHn re-
porter, was artificial oysters; not what
YOU call mock oysters, that is, meat
done up in a patty or potpie, but an
imitation Of the real blvalve and tit to
serve raw. And as far as their looks
go. YOU would say at once that they
were genuine American oysters, but
when YOU came to eat one the dllfer-
ence would be perceptlble at once.
How they are made and what is used
in their manufacture Is a mystery l
did not solve, bur it is certain that
great deal of money is made by the
producers. The usual price is five
cents each, and sometimes in the sec
ond class eating houses they are to be
had for three cents, though they are
not apt to be fresh at that price. You
order a plate on the half she'll and
when the waiter brings them to you
they look as nice as those you get in
THE hsst New York places. If yoa
are not a good judge of oysters YOU
will eat them with your wine, and 60
away without asking any questions.
I The only thing genuine about them is
1.-THE shells. The manufacturers buy
>ecoud- hand shells from restaurant
keepers at small expense, and, with
a sort of paste, fasten the spurious
oyster in its place, Only one half "a
shell is used for the purpos' and in
that shape the fraud oysters are pack
ed on shelves in boxes. Others, 10 be
served without the shells, are put up
in cans containing 25 and 100 oysters.
The dealers in real oysters urge the
saloon keepers to break up their
shells as fast rs their contents are
consumed and even pay the cooks and
walters 10 pound them 10 pieces.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
-.o.-w, ntsl s,tlr,v-o.-

We are the cuIy housc in the District carr.
ing in stock FULL LINE or
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23

A high-school girl who is head over
hoopskirts in love with her professor,
has christened him 'Experience, be-
cause he is dear teacher
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
E. Pluribus Onion" "

Lucy said one south side girl to
another last night, somebody wants
to speak to you over the telephone
is it gentleman or LADY,
"A gentleman
'Oh, dear! you answer him.
why, he wants to speak to you.
Il wouldn't dare to talk through
the telephone tonight you know I've
been eating onions. I'll step into the
back yard and you can tell him I'm
out
'Oh, doctor, doctor, doctor' cried a
woman, who rushed breathlessly into
DIR. Greenawalt's office the other day,
my boy, Jonnie, has swallowed a
mousev
HIM; swallowed a mouse, has he
Well, 60 home now and have him
swallow q cat
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-23
A CAkD.

Dr. Il hos. A. CaIl'lcO respect
IL fully announces to the public that he has
resumed the practice of medicine, ana VIII
give the best attention he can command TO
all cases entrusted to his care
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-04-12
An IrreeOncilable Enemy.

Francois henceforth vast entrenched
by one million and in month by three
millions of men. | know that all is not
yet perfect in this immense organiza-
ton, but | also know that each day a
great step in advance is made. "Well,
then," it will be asked, what is there
to be anxious aboutp So much the bet
ter if you are strongly armed no one
will think of attacking you" Yes, no
doubt; but you must understand that
France (and herein lies the gravity of
the present state of things) desires, with
ardor proportional to the growth of her
strength, to be formally set free from
the ight-mare-dread of a possible in
vasion. Her defensive power is only
partially reassuring, and her immense
armament is heavy burden; there is
a fragrant contradiction between the in
stitution of universal barracks and those
republican aspirations which are be-
coming more and more democratic day
by day. The simplest solution would
be to fling ourselves at all hazards upon
Germany, to take back from her our
former frontiers, and to disarm her.
That being done, we, too, might lay
down our arms. This is what is called
la recanche. Many people enormously
imagine that the French cherish the
idea of it, but nothing of the sort is true.
There is not within my knowledge a
single politician who dreams of such
thing, and among the people it would
be most unpopular. This terrible game,
in which our fate as nation would be
the stake, would depend upon the haz-
ard of battle lost or won, and we will
not play it except in the last extremity.
But it remains none the less certain that
we continually confront Germany as an
irreconcilable enemy, more on account
of the harm she could still do us than on
account of the harm she has done; and
that enemy is certainly not one to be
despised. If Germany is our bugbear
we assuredly give her illustrious chief,
the Chancellor of the Empire, many
sleepless nights. He knows right well
that the moment an enemy of his up
rises anywhere he may count two-us
and that other. Unless he should re-
duce us to absolute impotence, we, al
though conquered, shall present an
eternally insuperable barrier to his ambi-
toni. CoLarsi, IN FortnightJy ReUtesc.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-04-12

"If you'll only forgive me- he sobbed,
and trust me as you used to, I'll never
touch an engine again, never"
1t added heavily to Mr. Kerr's sor-
row to find that kob had caused their
misery, but he put his arm about him
and spoke kindly. There many 9TH
er things besides engines gets the up
per hands, if folks touches Them" he
said. I'D willingly suffer if thought
you'd learn this lesson: Necer start any
thing you curt stop. There's men in
this town II tell you they started drink
ing and swearing long ago; ana it,
running away with them now, Just as
the Hercules did with you. Think of
this. Rob. when You remember what
happened to your grandsir's last en-
gine.'
That was ten years ago. The old en-
gineer has gone where faithful service
is rewarded. Rob has become q young
man, but not an engineer; he has never
stepped aboard an engine since. that
painful experience on the Hercules.
But often in the Sunday-school class.
where he is now teacher. his boys say:
Tell us the story of the wild engine
They listen eagerly to the end, when
Robert Kerr closes with his grandfath,
er's motto: Never start anything you
cant stop. "-Heien Pearson Barndrd, in
C0ngregGtj0nGijSt.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-04-12
AnecdOte OF Webster.

The amusing controversy and cor
respondence growing out of Secretary
Marcy's court-dress circular when
James Buchanan was Minister to the
Court of St. James. described in an ar
ticlc on Buchanan in this Margarine, re-
minds a correspondents of an occurrence
that took place at Marshtield in Mr..
Webster's time.
Mr. Webster and Judge Duane Doty,
then of Green Bay, Wisconsin, were
warm friends, and the Judge at one
time was visitor at Marshiield. Mr.
Webster was very fond of fishing
only outdoor sport in which he in
dulged. While the Judge was his
guest it CHANGED that q fine day for this
sport presented itself, of which Mr.. W.
was anxious to avail himself He ac-
cordingly invited the Judge to accom-
pany him in this piscatory sport The
Judge didn't want to 90, and tried his
best to get of, saying he would much
prefer, with his consent, to pass that
rainy day in Mr.. w. library among his
books and papers, Mr.. w. wouldn't
listen to him, said he could pass any
and as many days in the library as he
chose, but such Il day as that for fishing
might not occur again while they We're
at Marshfcld. The Judge, as last re-
sort said that he really could not CO. as
it would spoil his clothes, that the
handsome black suit he had on was his
best and all he had, and that to go fish
ing in it would spoil it. To meet this
objection Mr.. w. directed his servant
George to go upstairs and bring down
the dress in which he was presented at
court in England, which George did.
As soon as he appeared with it Mr.. W,
said: There, Doty, is dress for you;
put it on, and come as soon as you
can, for we are losing valuable time
The Judge replied: Surely, Mr..
Webster. YOU are not in earnest in what
you say--that you want me to go fishing
in that elegant suit, and spoil it2'
Yes, | am," he replied that is
what it has been brought down for
The Judge still fingered, when Mr..
W, to settle the matter, said to him :
Have no anxiety about iniuring the
dress. for to fish or hunt in it is the only
way it can now be made useful. Could
| wear it in Washington, Philadelphia,
New York, Boston or even here? If |
did wouldn't everybody laugh at me?"
The Judge was compelled to answer
Rllirmatively TO the question.
We'll, then, he said, pray what is
it good for but to 60 fishing in ?''
rhj. settled the matter. The Judge
put on the dress. and went fishing in
Mr. VS. court suit. and saved his
own Thus, you see, Mr.. Webster
with his well-known willingness to
Oblige, had no objection to appear be-
fore England's Queen in the dress pre-.
scribol; and what good use he made
OF il after his return home = Hqyper' 8
Ndg@gjHe.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-04-12
Mistaken Identity.

Ptolemaius Jackson, an observing
citizen, dropped into the Star editorial
rooms yesterday and expressed himself
as follows:
| don keep an eye on fate. but fate
does me that honor, and crowds me into
dudedom at least once a week. The
few fine days of last week brought that
''native from his lair'' in numbers, and
the agonies | suffered by the prevalence
were unspeakable. One experience,
however, can be told.
Twas standing in front of q bill board
trying to decide which theater to take
in, when heard the unmistakable:
''Ah, Chawlie, me baw.'
They were dudes of the equine per-
suation, crutch and toothpick, single
glass, horseshoe scarfpin and horse
head buttons on their exaggerated New
markets ala coach and-siX.
''Hawwy medeahfel.
"Chawley, aw, that was magniti-
cent cweachure you were on the avenue
with yesterday"
''Ah, dye think sop
"High-bred, too, and a splendid
steppah.'
''Youah wight, quite wight, Chawley,
perfectly splendid.
''TriHe tendah about the mouth, |
should say, eh? and worth Il powah of
money"
"YaasH
''How old dye think, and worth how
much?'
about twenty, and the figure is
somewhere's near a million and a
half
The deuce you say; l didn't think
she was more than four
''What'r'ye tawking about?''
1.-The chestnut mare you drove yes
tahday mawning."
20! l thawt you alluded to the girl
was walking with in the awfternoon.
N. Y. Star.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-04-12
Birds Bills.

The birds do not have hands. but they
have something that answers just as
we'll Their bills are as useful to them
as your hands are to you They are not
all made alike or used in the same way.
The duck has n very queer bill. 1t is
made so because this bird has to find
its food under water. 1t can not see
what it gets, and must feel, instead. So
this bill is filled with nerves for the pur-
pose. 1t has row of little points, too,
all around the edge, something like
teeth But how does the duck use ii?
Let us see.
When searching for food it thrusts
this bill down and brings it up full of
mud. Now in the mud are the very
things the bird lives upon. These little
nerves tell it just what is good to eat.
What is not good is sent out through
these queer points, just as if it was a
sitter. The nerves in this funny sieve
take very good care that nothing shall
be lost that is worth the eating.
You know all about the little birds
that build nests with their bills, and
what wonderful things they are. Some
can sew very well with their beaks; of
course they use their feet, too. 49, our
Little ones.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1884-04-12
The Wrong Leg.

a leaf my son Shake in der shtore
while | come down town." he began
as he halted patrolman, '.'und poorly
queek man vhalks in .und looks all
aroundt und says:
.'Poy, has got some badt news for
you.
'''How vos dot?' asks Shake.
"sVell, your fadder falls down on der
shtreet ind preaks his leg, und | vhas
here to get dollar to pay for a hack te
bring him home
".No.'
dot vhas so.
wheel, dot makes my poy Shake
feel like load of hay falls on him, but
he doan' go quite CRAZY. He thinks II
all oafer und asks:
so my fadder proke his Lego
eyes
(Which leg vas it?'
g Der left leg.
scare you sure|
"'Of course, l help TO carry him into
der City Hall.
Den my poy Shake he laughs all
oafer, shust so -, und chuckles down
in his poots, like dis --; und den he
plows bolice whistle NIT all his might,
und dot schwindler runs away"
80 Jake doubted his story, Ell ~
"Of course
"Why?"
"Vell, you look here few times
He reached down and pulled up the left
pant leg, and the officer saw a neat and
handy wooden limb.
You don't fool my poy Shake on
wooden legs, und don't you forget
HIM" chuckled the old man, as he
waved his hand for street car to take
him aboard. Detroit Free Press