Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-02-25

Why is man aroused out of his sleep
like a silk hat in storm? Because his
nap is disturbed.
A New York plumber has married
milliner. Everything tends to consolida-
tion and monopoly these days.
''There is GOODNESS between us now,"
said youth to his sweetheart as he tried
to haul her out from under the ice
The plantation philosopher says ''de
fust step toward spillin' chile is ter
laugh and call him smart when he sasses
you"
The Georgia papers claim that not an
editor or printer of that state is in luna
tic asylum. 1t is an internal disgrace,
too.
The Koran says, "God is with the pa
tient." After the doctor is called in, how
ever, it often happens that the patient
is with his God.
A health writer says: "Sleepless peo-
pie should court the sun" Those who
don't care much about sleep generally
court the daughter.
Two Connecticut lovers have just made
up after a quarrel which took place 5s
years ago. The poor fellow held out as
long as he cOnld.
The man who sprinkles his icy side.
walk, in order to prevent pedestrians
| from falling is sure of heavenly home.
Like the phoenix he will rise from his
ashes.
| A south end man did over $50 worth OF
damage is the furniture yesterday morn,
ing in looking for his collar button. And
he wasn't in much of hurry either.
A Boston man, who returned to his
home in the suburbs, one night, in
somewhat fuddled condition, assured his
wife that it was due to his having come
out on mixed train.
''Total abstinence OF no husbands" i,
the motto of a band of young women out
West. The girls are wise. They will bt
likely to get the best husbands by prac
| ticing total abstinence.
''I'm all wool and a yard wide!" shout
ed cowboy, as he gave his sombrero al
extra side hitch and look around for foe
'That may be- replied an undaunted fe
male; ''but you don't Wash.''
timid young man has married lad,
whose weight verges closely upon 20C
pounds. ''My DEAR" he said to her
''shall help you over the fence?' ''No,
says she to him, ''help the fence
An agricultural paper tells Chow tC
make hens lay eggs below zero" The
simplest way we imagine would be tt
place the hen on the mercury bulb of the
thermometer. This would be below
| zero.
This ambiguous notice adorns ladies
cabin in Hoboken ferry boat; ''Thes,
seats are for the ladies. Gentlemen will
not occupy them until the ladies ar,
seated" The notice is supposed to be
lapsus Of some sort.
Neighbors are very considerate in Nor
way. When baby is born placard i
nailed up on the door informing the com
munity of the fact. Those who wish t.
move out of the vicinity are thus enable
to do so in good season.
At recent ball in Forestville a ne,
figure was introduced which caused quit
a sensation. 1t was the figure of an irat
parent who took his son by the ear an
waltZed him out of the ball room in
quickstep movement.
A certain poetess is said to ''make goo
jellies as well as good poetry" 1t is SUI
gested that she also make a new depar
ure, i. e., send her jellies to newspapt
offices and can her poems. Jelies di
count poetry as ssinside matter'' evel
time.
: A shabbily dressed woman called upc
a citizen for aid claiming that she was
!, a starving condition. The citizen look,
upon her plethoric form, estimating Il
advoirdupois of the superfiuous fat, al
answered: ssYou don't look like a star
:, ing woman 'I know it," she whimpt
ingly answered, 81 am bloated wi
~ grief"
- had severe attacks of gravel and kidney troub