News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-10-16
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO slIiLE
OVER THIS WEEK.
The CbIHese Puzzle-The GIrls Tiffered-A
Iusisy Number - What Pnzzied Hin
Two Different Kinds-The Tramp ana
WOOdpile, Etc.
THEY LOVED

using, beer-drlnklng ana ganUlnBs D0-
sides a long list of small debts. )" "He
| ia almost as smart as one OF my admir-
ers," chimed in another young lady;
she is an undertaken" )" "An under
taker ?" came the chorus from the com.
pany. "Yes, he undertakes to make me
believe that he is very handsome and
smart. He undertakes to make $50
month carry him through where S1OO
could not pay out, and undertakes to
initiate sensible people at times, but
gives himself way."--Ltncotn Union.
VHE DIFFERENCE.
At first glance it seems odd that
county treasurer in Idaho Territory
should skip out with $13 belonging to
the county, but after conversation
with an Ohio citizen the case is more
satisfactory. The $l3 was all the poor
fellow could get hold Of. 1t was larger
sum than had ever been in his charge
before. The golden opportunity had
come, and it was then or never. Ohio
county treasurers are never short less
than s12, 900, and run from that to $75,-
900, but Idaho is young country and
can't be expected compete, Whit
there may be an imaginary line between
the East and the West, there is no real
difference in the natures Of public OIL
cials. Wall Street NeaOs.
FOOLED ENOUGH.
A couple of Englishmen once started
from Denver for the foothills, judging
them to be four miles of. After walk
ing eight miles and finding themselves
apparently no nearer to the range, they
came to the Denver irrigation ditch,
about four feet wide.
One of them stopped on the bank and
began to strip, his companion exclaim-
ing:
"Why, what are you going to do?"
'T am going to swim the river"
"Why, man, it's ditch, and only
a yard or so across u
GLOW do I know it isn't quarter Of
a mileP We've been fooled enough
already, and I'm not going to risk a
wetting; you can jump if you like"
TWO DIFFERENT KINDS.
Bob Nickleby married wealthy old
maid for her money. She paints herself
up and makes quite handsome appear
ance at distance, at balls and parties.
On the other hand, Sam Chuzzlewits
wife is young and goodlooking naturally.
Both we're in attendance at a ball on
Austin avenue, and Mrs. Nickleby was
painted like doll. Next morning
Nickleby met Chuzzlewit and said:
"Our wives looked beautiful at the
ball last night"
eyes," responded Chuzzlewit, "and
nv wife looks that way yet. - Ie1as
Siftings.
A SPECIMEN OF FUN.
The other day little cherub OF but a
very few summers, sat at the window OF
her residence on East Fourth street,
when genuine dude walked YEARLY by.
His legs were phantom like, his shoes
long and pointed, his dress foppish, he
wore a single eyeglass and carried a
diminutive rattan cane. AS he stared
about idiotically the little one said:
l--ssA sAIanszsay die -Dod make -,at- man p >
Eyes, my darling.
The little one looked again and gig
gled, and with a merry twinkle in her
eye, said:
Mamma, bod likes to have fun des'
as much as anybody, don't He."-M
Paul Herald.
THE CHINESE Puzzle.
Oh, bring me a map of the seat of war
hear the guns on the river Mini
l want to see where the missiles tore
Through far Foochow with devils din.
Just show me Ke-lung and Sinen-choo;
And where Oh, where is Kin-te-chlng,
Choo-Choo, Chang-chow, and where Cha-oo?
Is Hing-wha far from Yen-ping
I yearn to know of Hie-chie-chinS;
1 long to see the high Nan-ling;
However will the French get in
To Klang-si or view Toong-ting?
So bring me map of the seat of war
l want to learn while the fight is young;
And while 1 am looking for one name more,
I'll pray for the ladies of great Quang-tung.
Louisville ColtrieT-Jotr7ldL
PROBABLY CORRECT.
There was a goodly number of ladies
at Twenty third street and Sixth ave-
nue. waiting for an elevated railway train
when a specimen of the New York
young "gent" of the day came pushing
through the crowd, rudely jostling an
elderly lady.
''Here, sir, keep off, said an old gen.
tleman at her side, showing him back,
''or I'll teach you little politeness. J"
"You will, eh?" came from Young
America, throwing withering glance at
the elderly party. "Td have you under
stand, sir, that there's not man in this
town can teach me politeness." {"
Then he wondered why the girls all
Uttered. Herald.
A TRAMP.
He was a tramp, and when he had
carefully scanned the backyard for the
expected woodpile and found none, he
quietly slid around, and, knocking at
the front door, began his story OF mis-
fortune and his inability to get work
eyes" said the farmer, who was OF
classic turn, ''but tlabor conquers all
| thi3os'. you remember the old saw,
don't YOU ?" eyes, indeed l do, said
the wayfarer, as tears started to his eyes,
"and the remembrance is indeed pain
full. but as came along l didn't see
any hanging up on the back OF the
hourse, so I thought would ask for
something to eat. Yes, remember the
old saw, and the woodpile, too, but have
no use for them; good day." And he
vanished into the whereness OF the
whittier, Boston Post.
WHAT PUZZLED HIM.
It is reported that a day or two ago
Mr.. st. John went into Kansas drug
store and called for a glass of soda
water.
His left eye accidentally twitched as
the clerk gazed at him inquiringly. The
mistaken clerk, not knowing the gentle
man, gave him a liberal allowance of the
usual flavor demanded on such occasions,
and the glass was drained to the dregs.
"My goodness gracious mel r said
the candidate, smacking his lips. II
don't see how men can drink liquor
when they can get soda water like that.
Graphic.
Paying Dearly for 1t.
English sportsmen pay dearly foi
+bair buntinp II has been roughly es