davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09
He Came to il.

The railroad passenger who leaves
from any depot in Detroit must show
his ticket at the gate. The idea is to
keep dead-heads off the trains and pre-
vent people from making mistakes, but
it's poor day when dozen kickers
don't show up.
Yesterday morning man with a
very, very iron-iaW and lots of width
between the eyes reached one of the
gates with parcel under either arm.
Ticket. sir
''In my pocket.
"Show your ticketr'
''Can't you take my word that I've
got ticket?''
''Please show your ticket"
''Am l Iar?" demanded the pas
senger.
Ticket, sir; show your ticket"
'I'll be, hanged if do
"All right; please stand baek.n
'Iook a-here,n said the man with
the metal in his jaw, 'sI'll stay here a
thousand years before I'll show my
ticket at that gate. ?
A dozen people laughed at him, but
he let the train go out and walked
around with his parcels under hiss arm.
He got no consolation for loAg two
hours. Then chap with battered
white plug hat, rundown boots and
last years clothes, slouchcd up to him,
held out greasy paw and said:
"Pardner, put it thar Both OF us
dead broke. Both of us want to get
out o here. Both of us got left at The
gate Pardner, I'll toss up to see
whether you pawn your red whiskers OIL
| spout my old hat for two schooners
of beerr'
The wide-eyed man laid down hi:
bundles and kicked the other with sucf
force that he fell fiat. When he haG
picked himself up he walked straight
to the gate, exhibited his ticket anC
passed through with the remark:
"There it is-there it is! but III bea
the conductor or die with my boots ONT
Detroit Free Press.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09
THE NOISES OF THE NIGHT.


Tbe watchfnl dog howls to greet the moon
whene'er he gets peep,
Ihear him as vainly try to snatch wink of
sleep,
I really think that slumber now will visit me
no more.
And pussies prowl upon the tiles, they cater
n. terrible, indeed, we find the Noises of the
Night.
Some mysteries are on spree, and sing a
horrid song;
Anewsboy screeches latestnews that's certain
to be wrong;
A cart goes numbering by the door, it's full of
iron rods,
il, what's the odds?
For sleep Is quite impossible, although the
windows tight,
So utterly distractlng are the Noises OF the
Night.
They're beating carpets, I declare, at night, a
CHASTITY freak;
And now that loose old chimney-pot of course,
begins to creak;
cab stops at my neighbours house, and loud
they bang the door,
Which wakes me when I'd just begun my most
harmonious snore;
It's hard upon nervous man to wake up in q
fright,
But wat can oneexpect with all the Noises
of the Night.
And, ere the morning light has dawned, the
lively cocks and hens
Emerge "as fresh as paint" know. from out
adjacent pens;
And then the loud internal crow from that ole
Chanticleer
Comes banishing all further sleep. upon my
tortured eaf3.
could not slumber until late, I'm reused at
earliest light
o, who willrid the fevered brain of the Noise:
of the Night? Punch.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09

very far, and Edward always walks to
and from his place of business. His
daily expenses are just two cents-one
cent for crossing the bridge in the
morning and one cent for coming back
at night
''But it is two miles and half from
your house to the bridge" exclaimed
the newspaper man.
THAT is nothing" interposed Ed
ward. | walk it twice day, rain or
shine, and | enjoy it. 1t is the only
physical exercise that have. 1t is but
short distance from the New York
end of the bridge TO the store, which is
in the dry=goods district, as you know.
| take my lunch with me.
Don't you ever go to places Of
amusement?o
'Once in great while my wife and
| spend money for such things, but not
very often. We cannot afford it, and
we both had much rather put the
money thus spent into books and stay
at home and read. BY the way, there
is a little item we left out of our calcu-
lation. We pay fifty cents month for
the privilege of drawing books from a
circulating library. That takes six dol
lars out of the forty-three dollars that
was not accounted for. Fortunately
for my wife, she had q great many ac-
quaictances in Brooklyn, and she had
all of the social recreation that she had
time to take She and I both agree,
however, that it is our duty to save at
least as much as we do. a young man
with small salary and family on his
hands runs a great risk in spending all
that he earns. Suppose he should have
a long lit of sickness. What q plight
his family would be in! They would,
in short time, become subjects for the
charity Of the neighbors. None of that
for me, if you please. would rather
| deny myself unnecessary comforts and
have the consciousness that if anything
should happen to me, my. wife aud child
would have little something TO fall
back upon.o
/ ''Do youraemployers allow you q
vacation each year?"
mo. In such large houses as the
one l am with there are too many clerks
to make the vacation plan feasible,
Only the heads of departments are
granted leaves of absence with pay. II
| should want to go away for a weeb
this summer / might possibly get per.
mission TO go, as business is rather
dull, but would lose my weeks pay
IN. Y. Times. #
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09

DIR. Cyrus R. Teed, an eclectic ply
sician, whose Office is on an aristocratic
street in Syracuse, and whose practice
is among some of 1.-THE best people" is
reported as saying that both the Bible
and scientific authorities prove his claim
to be the prophet Cyrus, mentioned in
Isaiah as to appear on earth. At tforty-
six DIR. Teed expects to be translated to
heaven, and fifty days later he will re-
turn and found kingdom of love. He
is indorsed by Rev. j. Fl. Clymer, pas
tor of the First Methodist Episcopal
Church in that city.-Syracnse ,Iouraal.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09
Romance and Reality Of the Swiss
Cottage.

s'My wife, who has always had
romantic ideas about the Swiss cot
tages, thought she would like to stay
over night in one. | had seen them,
but she would not believe what / said
about them, so. as our train arrived at
Geneva late at night, we concluded
to stay over in a sweet Swiss village
and get our first peep at Mount Blame
from the morning train. We stayed in
a picturesque Swiss hotel, in q lovely
Swiss village. We will never forget i6.
The floors were bare and had not seen
water for seventy-two years. The tables
in the dining-room were OF dirty pine
without table cloths. About twelve
o'clock we felt something biting us.
My wife said it is heasr
mo, | said, they are bugsp'
"'Fleas. I'm sure, said my wife,
"After discussing the question for ten
minues, got up and lit tallow candle
and, for the first time in our lives, we
found we agreed perfectly. We were
both right. There were 1876 ,431 feas
and 7,942, ,842 bugs in each bed 1t is
needless to say that we sat up the rest
OF the night ana went into Geneva the
next morning all iaded out Since then
my wife has not respected Claude Mel
notes poetic description Of his Alpine
home. The Swiss cottage. ON a close
examination, Invariably turns ont to be
great barn full of cattle, hogs and
men. The only exception to this is
when the owner, living near or in town,
has his business in his house. The
wagon-maker, -iron-caster aud tanner
always lives in one corner of his shop,
foundry or tannery. The brick-maker
even lives in one corner of his kiln. -
Cor. Utica Observer
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09

"A new device for wedding break
fasts is q pyramid of transparent ice
having in the center photograph of
the bride and bridegroom. This is sug-
gestive of cooIness as well as exclusive
ness, IN. I. Graphs.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09
Stings And Bites,

An old woodsman of Australia, who
used to catch snakes for pastime, says
that q raw onion bruised and applied as
soon as possible to the wound is q Ger.
tain cure for the bite of all the venom
ous serpents of that country except the
death adder, which he admits is SO
poisonous, and its poison is so quick in
acting, that there is no known remedy
for it. That the onion is specific for
the sting of poisonous insects of all
kinds has long been known to the
writer of this paragraph, who. when a
boy, invariably carried one on expedi-
tions with companions against hornets
nests, etc. 1t was found that the appli-
cation of onion juice would instantly
allay the pain caused by the singing Of
hornets, yellow Jackets, wasps, bees.
etc WaSlsiilqto9s Star.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09

in New York the other night,
Charles Fl. Vogt, in enforcing the law
to his hard working wife, brought his
fist fiercely down upon the supper table
she had arrayed for him. and Jared it
so that a broken saucer fell into the
cradle where his sick baby lay, and cut
its jugular vein with fatal efeeS. IN.
K. Sun,
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09

-Bartholdi's statue of Lafayette, on
Union Square, New York, is said by II
Paris correspondent to have been a
present from France to America. or
dered by Theirs, in return for the great
contributions sent for charity at the
close of the German French war In
New York the impression is that the
French colony here gave the statue. =
Neao York Times.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09
Horses al Ont.

Neao Yorker (back to the city for the
day-''l want to have ride, but it is
too hot to take my high stopper out.
Let me have one of your regular livery
horses Dash, for instance. He is old
and tough"
Liuerg and Boarding Stable Keeper
''Dash is out for the day
"Well, Swift will do"
''He has been hired for a funeral"
'sHow about the bay marea''
.'she is out; in fact, all my horses
are out. :"
"Too bad. Well, hitch up my Ham
hletonian?"
eyes, but, ahem! You see, sir, ]
thought Your trotter needed exercise,
so | sent him out, too"
"What. this hot weatherph
so, he is in cool place. 1 took care
of that
"Where?"
"He's hauling an ice wagon. Phil
GelelpbsG Call
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-10-09
LIVING ON A SMALL SALARY.

Thrift and Comfort of Brooklyn Clerk
and His yyife--A Cozy Home in a Fiat
Saving $500 ON a Salary of Si,oG0
= Figures fops fFa Frugal
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-04-16
JONES GOES SHOPPING.

"Jeptha," said Mrs. Jones, as her hus-
band rose from the dinner-table, 81 wish
YOU would get me some skcins OF en-
broidery silk at some of the dry-goods
stores, and save me from going down
town to-day"
Gail right" said Jones, airily; what
color do you want?"
"Oh, a mixed gray and black; some
thing like your hair" said Mrs. Jones,
pleasantly.
The first store that Jones went into the
girls stood in q line behind the silk
counter, and looked him over as he
approached; he felt cold chills running
up and down his vertebrp, his knees
shooK, and a clammy pcrspiration started
on his noble brow as he asked for en-
broidcry silk.
"What c%olor?' asked one Of the sales
ladies, as she smiled swcetly at Jones
mustache.
"Just the color of your hair" he said.
in a soft, bcsccching tone, that sounded
like a cat tapping cream.
And then he saw a change come over
the face Of the girl, ven as a thunder
storm crosses the blue # a summer sky.
and she turned her back to him, pulled
down q box, slammed it on the counter,
icrkcd off the cover, and revealed Il mass
of scarlet silks. Jones stared.
Good heavens! The girl had fiery red
hair!
He made his peace with her finally,
and got out of the store alive. He said
it was his own hair he meant, and he
took off his hat humbly, and she got the
mixed skcins, and gave them to him with
his change.
at would have saved you some trouble
if YOU had told me in the first place that
YOU wanted silks the color of a singcd
owl" she said, sweetly.
Jones said it was a hair-brcadth escape
for him.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-04-16
HEALTH HINTS.

TO abort a sly, paint it e very care
fully with tincturc of iodine, using 4
small cancls-hair brush so us to avoid
touching the cycball.-Dr. Iootc'S H1th1
Monthly.
Mr.. Daily, the English a%urist, finds
that c~ongcnital deafness is com,nonrr
among the oif.pring Of cousins who
marry than among the offspring Of TN
related persons of whom II or both are
congcnitally deaf.
In a case Of measles the room should
be kept dark to protect the intlamct
eyes. As long rs the fever remains the
patient should b" kept in bed. Expos
urc may AUS pneumonia, which, in
other words. is acute inflammation of the
lungs. Keep in the room as long rs the
cough lasts.
Oil of wintergrccn mixed with an equal
quantity Of olivc-oil, when applied cx-
tcrnally to intlamcd joints affected by
acute rheumatism, is maintained to be,
on high therapeutic authority, Il means
of instant relief from pain. AT any rate,
its introduction to the sick chamber is
unobicctionablc, if only for the agreca-
bic odor it imparts to the atmosphere.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-04-16
The Source Of the Thames.

Great rivers, like some of our greatest
men, have often humble origins. ulou-
ccstcrshirc and Wiltshire have both done
battle for. the honor of giving rise to the
Thames. The question has never excited
anything like parallel interest to that of
the source of the Nile, or the natal city
of Homer; but it has had its controvcr-
s~iaIists. \ truce, however was longsincc
arranged between the two counties, and
indeed it may be, perhaps, justly called
a settled peace. The Thames, without
doubt, has its birth in Worcestershire,
but it is not until it reaches Wiltshire
that it is navigable. Worcestershire,
therefore, presides over its infancy, Wilt
shire "scts it up on its legs and makes a
mar of it," and flowing through London
it commands the digniied title of
''Fathcr Thames. "-Hh9er's Magazin'.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-04-16
TOPNOODY,

.EMy DEAR" said Mr.. Topnoody to his
wife, as he looked up from his paper, 81
sec that Henry Bcrgh is in favor Of the
whipping post for husbands who beat
their wives"
"Who's Henry Bergh?" she inquired.
SIS he an officer of the law, who expects
to make q fee by the valuable service he
may render the State?"
mo, my dear, he is the president OF
the Society of Prevention Of Cruelty to
Animals"
doesn't he cali it cruelty to whip a
husband at the post2"
Husbands are not animals, my
dear"
sob, amt they? Well, my expert
ence and observation led me to believe
they were"
II don't sec how you can say that"
"Wcll, they roll in the gutter some
times; they grunt a good deal; they snarl
and snap very often; they
"That's enough, my dear. sec you
are not in good humor. ] don't think
though, you would like to see me led to
the whipping post =.
"No, Topnoody, would moi for vari-
Gus reasons"
81 knew it. my dear. knew it. You
may say hard things at times and you
may hurt my feelings, but, l am sure,
underneath it all, you arc tender and
loving and your heart is full of gentle
ness and sympathy"
"It's kind of youto say so, Topnoody.
1t might not be so severe on me to have
you suffer to some extent, but wouldn't
want to sec you killed"
"killcd, my dear p 1t doesn't kill a
man to whip him at the post"
"No, Topnoody, not under ordinary
circumstances; but if you had to go to
the whipping post. after got through
with you, in case you attempted to beat
me, l feel more than confident it would
be a larger dose than your constitution
could stand, and I would be left a widow,
and I don't want to be left Il widow I'M
til after spring ~clcaningand early garden
ing arc done"
Topnoody returned to his reading
Merchant I'rurrhr.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-04-16
Women Sea Captains,

Mrs. Mary A.. Miller is not the first
woman who has served succcssfully as
mistress of a ship. Mrs. Captain Patten,
OF Bath. Nc, who while her husband WAS
lying i'll in his berth, navigatcd his ship
around Cape Horn and up to san Fran
cisco, although his timld first officer
wanted to stop at Valparaiso for assist
ancc; Of Mrs. Captain Abbir Clifford, Of
the brig Abbie Clifford, who, after her
husband had been washed overheard,
brought the vessel into New York har-
Dor from below the equator; of Mrs.
Captain Reed, of the Oakland, OF Bruins
wick, Me-, who was q practical navigator
Of celebrity. and Miss Jenct Thoms, who
often used to navigate her fathers ship.
who is now teaching Il school of naviga-
ton in this city and who was in part the
author Of "Thoms's Navigator" Il book
of authority among mariners. These
cases are all of recent date. To them
the Lcavcnworth (Kansas) Times adds
the case of Mrs. Captain John Oliver
Norton, of Edgartown, Mass. Her hus-
band commanded a whaling vessel. and
she frequently went with him into the
Arctic waters. On one of these cxpe.
ditions all the boats were out, leaving
on board the captain and just enough of
the crew to manage the vessel. a whale
was noticed off to the starboard, and
the captain and men were puzzled how
to get it. 1t was the woman who solved
the problem and settled the fate of the
whaleship. Going to the wheel she pre-
vailed upon her husband to leave the
vessel in her charge, with two disabled
men, while he and his men went after
the whale. He did so. The woman
managed the ship all day until ~nightfall,
when the boats returned, that iu COM
mand of her husband having captured
the biggest whale ever seen in those
waters. When the ship put home the
New Bedford owners made the woman
commander" a handsome present. -Har-
prs Weekly.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-04-16
A ..Perr of the Realm"

When once a noblcman-by which is
here meant 4 person cnnoblcd by the
crown-takes his seat in the upper house
of parliament he becomes Il peer of the
realm, that is, 4 lord of parliament; and
althoHgh the wcll-known gradations of
dukes, %marquiscs, carls, viscounts, and
barons exist, yet. so far rs parliamentary
rights are concerned, all cnnobled persons
who sit in tie house Of lords arc the peers
or equals of each other. We purposely
make use of the word 'noblcman.' be-
cause the two archbishops and all the
bishops who sit there and vote, too, are
not peers; for although they are spiritual
lords of parliament, arc styled my
lord" and-with the exception of the
Bishop of Sodor and Man, who has a
place but no voicc"-may vote, they
arc not ''noblc," and their dignity is
not hereditary. For this reason, Il peer
merely for life. in the absence
Of an act of parliament comforting
privileges of pceragc upon him, would
not be Il mobile" person. Accordingly,
when Baron Parkc in 1856 was raised to
the pccragc for life as Lord W~cnsleydalc,
it was decided by the lords committee of
privileges that his lordship could not sit
and vote as a peer. Sclden, in his Titles
Of Honor" seems to refer 10 lie peer
ages rs quite ordinary distinctions; but
whether they were so or not, it is clc'r
that they were practically unknown or
had fallen into disisc between this time
uJS4-1G54) and that Of Lord Wcnsley-
dale. However, now, by section six OF
thirty-ninc and forty, Wet, chapter fifty
nine, uhc appellate jurisdiction act,
1876, the crown may appoint by letters
patent two qualified persons to be lords
Of appeal in ordinary. with Il salary of
SO, 900 per annun each. And these persons
shall be entitled for life to rank us bar
onS, ''hy such style us her majesty shall
be pleased to appoint, and shall during
the time that they continue in their Of
flee us lord of appeal in ordinary,
and no longer, be entitled to i writ of
summons to attend and to sit and vote in
the house of lords" But their dig
nifty as lords of parliament shall not de-
scend to their heirs" Since this enact
ment three lords Of appeal in ordinary
have been Overwhelmingly, Lord Black
burn, formerly Mr.. Justice Blackburn
Lord Gordon, who is dead, and Lord
Watson. The object of appointing
these noble and learned persons to life
pccragcs is ''for the purpose of aiding
the house of lords in the hearing and
determination Of appeals" Chambers
JWru0i.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-04-16
THE DEFEAT.

Talk about pretty girls-but she was a
wild flo ser and no mistake! She got Oh
the train to 90 over to Meridian from
Vicksburg and she was all alone. There
was a sort of sidelong movement among
five or six men, but a drummer for Phil
adclphia saddlery house got there first:
He grabbed up his grip and walked
square up to her seat and took possession
of half of it without asking a question
and in ten minutes he seemed to be per-
fectly ut home. She answered his qucs-
tons briefly and he had the hardest kind
of work to- keep up conversation, n us
the train approached jackson she sud-
denly said:
ri want to telegraph papa from here.
Will you help me"
"Oh, certainly. I have Il blank in my
pocket. Write your telegram and l will
run into the office with it."
We missed him when the train started,
but by and by he was found i'll the smok-
ing car, his hat crushed down and his
nerves all on edge. When asked what
had happened he drew forth the telegram
which the girl had requested him to hand
in. 1t read:
"Bring your shot gun with you to pop
over n drummer who has drcadfully an
noyed me. Shoot to kill"
ITO think" he gasped, ''that one SO
fair could be so murdcrous. "-Det1ot ffet
Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-04-16
A Novel Gard SWIndle,

Yet another ingenious method Of
swindling at baccarat has been invented.
At a certain fashionable French water
ing-placc, where baccarat was much in
vogue, it was noticed that IN individual
who wore Il formidable pair OF blue spec
taclcs invariably won heavily When
ever he took the bank. His luck
was phenomenal, and excited suspicion,
but nothing was discovered. One day,
however. he happened to drop a card,
and 4 %bystander, or STOPPING to pick 1t
up, WAS astonished to notice certain H.
minous spots ON its back, which sllonc
in the darkness under the table. On eX-
amining the card. he found that the
spots were PARTICLES of phosphorus, and
correspondent in number with its face
value. 1t then became apparent that the
astute banker, thanks to his darkened
spectacles, was enabled to know the
exact value Of every card he dealt
T0ud0n Truth.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1884-04-16
THE WAY OF THE WORLD.

There sat a crow Oh a lofty tree,
Watching the world so by:
He saw q throng that swept along
With laughter loud and high.
lin and out through the motley rout"
Pale ghosts stole on unseen,
Their hearts were longing for one sweet word
OF the love that once had been.
But never q lip there spoke their names,
Never a tear was shed:
The crow looked down from his lofty tree,
'"Tis the way Of the world he said.
A singer stood in the market-placc,
Singing a tender lay,
But no one needed his Sorrowful face,
No one had time u stay.
He turned away: he sang no more;
How could he sing in vain:
And Their the world came to his door
Bidding him sing again.
But he rocked not whether they came OF
went
He in his garnet deal:
The crow looked down from his lofty tree,
"nTis the way OF the world he said.
There sat a queen by a cottage bed,
Spoke to the widow there:
Did she not know the same hard blow
The peasant had to bear:
And she kissed that humble PEASANTS brow,
And then she bent her knee:
"Goi of the widow, help her now,
AS thou hast helped me-"
Now God be thanked" said the old, old
crow,
As he sped from his lofty bougn;
1.-THE times are i'll, but there's much 600.
still
In the way of the world, | trow."
4. Z. WcuthIiIu.