News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-31
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
WORDS OF WISDOM FROM PARADISE
HALL,
The President Gives Good Advice-BrOther
Gardner's MOdesty.

The President Gives Good Advice-BrOthe
Gardner's MOdesty.
[From the Detroit Free Press.l
After the stove-pipe had been knocked
down by the efforts of Giveadam Jone
to rest both his feet on the hearth a
once and Judge Cadaver, Pickles Smitl
and Blossom johnson had heroically re
stored it to place Brother Gardner arose
and said
Gone great cause of human misery
am de fack that mankind expects toe
much of Providence. Take de case o.
Elder Toots, fur instance. Fur de last
sixty Vars he has been waitin' fur Prov
idence to stop the leaks in his cabin roo
an he am waitin' yit. He somehow ex.
pecks dat Providence am going to furnish
him pie an cake an, oyster soup, an
when he sots down to cold 'taters an
tun meat he feels as if he had been
wronged.
'"Iake de case of Bradawl Jalap. He
has allus had de idea dat he would some
day be rich, an as a conscience he sots
on de fence an plans new houses, an
drives fast hosses, an wars good clothes
while his wife goes ragged, and his chill
dren have cold toes. What he might
airn by honest labor he won't airn, be-
kase he hopes to git fortune widout
work.
81 tell you, my frens, de man who
waits fur to-morrer to sharpen his ak,
am sartin to do poor chopin. De man
who sots on de fence to wait fur legacy
will h'ar his wife scrapin' de bottom oh
de -four barrel ebery day in de week. De
man who let's himself believe dat de
world owes him ibin' am gwine to eat
some mighty poo fodder afore he dies.
De world doan' owe nobody muffin. We
am put heah to sot an starve or git up
n dust. Providence won't pay house
rent, buy our 'taters or keep de cook
stove hot. Let us now purceed to biz
ness"
Sir Isaac Walpole desired to state be-
fore passing the bean-box that he started
out in life with the feeling that he would
find lost wallet containing $40,
The idea lasted him until he was obliged
to wear a suit made of coffee-sacking,
and until he was reduced in flesh from
167 to ninety-eight pounds. He then
kicked himself all over the back yard
and went to work.
TOO KIND.
The reading of the following COM
from Kalamazoo, Mich.
created the utmost confusion:
BROTHER GARDNER, Lime Kiln Club:
"We, the undersigned, members of the
Ebony Club, do most respectfully re-
quest that you will give your sanction
to the erection of statue of yourself, as
a companion to the Bartholdi statue,
the statue to be of carved hickory, rest
ing on pedestal of Portland cement,
the statue to be lighted at the top with
coOn's oil, pumped up by q windmill.
The height of the statue, Including ped
estal, to be 729 feet two and one-quarter
inches, with an inscription carved in
cast iron at the base large enough to be
seen ten miles reading: Wisdom Civ
ing Light to the World We suggest
that the subscriptions to the statue be
limited to half cent for each person,
thus giving colored people all chance
to aid this splendid work of art
"Bildad Doodle, Purloin Fowl, Mid
night Black, Inky Pitch, Vulcan Cane,
Harrison Scraggs, Jordan Bats, Opaque
Cole, Darkness Spades, Worldly Bales,
Liberia Case, Ivory Wilks. And 279
others"
For two or three minutes the uproar
was so great that pedestrians on the
street below halted in terror, and one ex'
cited individual tore a letter-box off a
lamp-post in his frantic efforts to sound
a fire alarm. When the President had
finally commanded silence it could be
seen that he was considerably overcome,
and there was trembling in his voice
as he said:
"Gem'len, to say dat I feel fattered
an proud an dizzy am not saying half
huff, but I hope de ideah of sich a
statue will go no furder. All I want am
to lib quietly an softly, an to die wild
out stoppin' de City Hall clock or turn
in out de fab department. From de
bottom of my heart 1 thank de Ebony
Club, but at de same time request it to
take no furder steps"
PERFECTLY WILLING.
As the President sat down Elder Pen
stock rose up. There was a yearning,
anxious expression ON his face, and,
after clearing his throat of tacks and
splinters and scrap iron, he said:
"Missur President, in case-dat is
in case you doan' want"
"Sit down p "F'ire him out p' "Snatch
him bald headed p came from all parts
Of the hall, accompanied by a great clat-
ter of feet, and the Elder was forced to
hide his head.