Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1884-02-14
HUMOROUS.

lie said her hair was dyed, and when
she Indignantly exclaimed, "ris fa!se!'
he said he presumed so.
Are you afraid of the dark ? asked a
mother of her little daughter. / was
once, mamma, when l went into the
dark closet to take tart. was afraid
| wouldn't find the tart.
Brevity is the soul of wit. The hotel
keeper who wrote to a delinquent ex-
boarder. Send me amount of bill, re-
ceivcd for reply, The amount is
s10.5O.'
Whoever doubts that tie newspapers
have mission, should enter car and
see how useful they are to the men
when fat woman with big basket is
looking around for seat.
Tramps have signs aud tokens. Xxx
on a gate-pcst means THE old bloke
wot keeps this 'ere boosting ken has a
gun and two bull dogs, and all true
gentlemen win pass on to the next
house, 59ia
Dong Tong is the name of very sue
cessful Chinese artist at Chicago. He
has painted the picture of a man and
dog, and you can tel, which is the man
and which is the dog almostat glance.
"My son." said an American father,
show could you marry an IIlsh girl P''
"WhY, father, I'm not able to keep
two women. If I'd marry Yankee
girl I'd have to hire an Irish girl TO
take care Of her."
An successful vocalist went to the
poor house and delighted the inmates
by his singing He saidit was a natural
thing for him to do, as he had been
singing to poor houses ever since he be-
gan his career.
A pair of gloves once worn by Queen
Elizabeth have been preserved in the
British Museum. They are very fine
white leather, worked with gold thread,
but: of a size at which our fashionable
beauties would stand agast. -
A man died leaving property valued
at $l7 900 to a certain relative. Eight
other relatives wouldn't haYe it that
way, and contested the will. The prop
erty was then divided pro rata, and
each ones share was found to be
seventeen cents. What became-but
Of course, you know the lawyers got it.
1t was his first attempt on roller
skates, and as they brought him to in
the toilet room he remarked: I tell
you. boys, that was gorgeous. 1 must
have knocked in the whole dome of
heaven, the way those stars flew round.
| wonder if there's any left fol the next
man. .;.s
Why he wasn't there now: Kosciusko
Murphy, who is book keeper in gro
Gerry house, met a friend who clerks in
a cigar store on Austin avenue and as
ked him for cigar. 'Ain't got any,
said his friend. 'Ain't got anyl' said
Kosciusko. sWhy when I-used to work
in cigar store always had my pock-
cts stuffed with cigars. Yes; probab-
ly that's the reason youa amt in a cigar
store now,' was the crushing reply.
He wanted some Correctionsmade
A man in Kentucky, all alive and
well, recently saw statement of his
own death in a newspaper. 5o He did
not SO much resent the general state
ment as the inaccuracy of the details,
and so he wrote to the editor ''Sir,
l notice fe " errors in the obituary Of
myself which appeared in the paper of
Wednesday last. was born IN Green
up County, not Caldwell, and my re-
tirement from business in 1850 was not
owing to ill-health, but to a little trou-
BILE 1 had III connection with a horse.
The cause of my death was not small
pox. Please make corrections. for
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