The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-05-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

VA ihShs
A sandbag is of more use than pol
itician when it comes to stopping gaps |
in a levee.
A play which ''takes' well in the
city is often liable TO bring the compa-
ny to grief ION the road"
Hens may be little backward on
eggs, but they never fail to come to the
scratch where flower beds are con-
cerned.
Whittier never was married. No
man whose wife had poked him out of
the house on cold Monday morning
to shovel paths under the clothes line
ever could have written poem like
"Snow Bound"
Offering in detail: Mother-"I am
afraid Mr.. Crisscross is not serious in
his intentions!" Daughter-"He's aw-
full bashful, you know; but he's Offering
himself piecemeal. Last night he
wanted me to take his arm. IN Y.
Graphic.
The Hungarians have n national
dance, ''the csardus-intended to repre-
sent the unquiet course Of true love-"
We have never seen the dance, but pre-
sumo the greater part consists of an ell
derly gentleman kicking young man
off the front steps.
1t makes married man mad to pay
1927 for bonnet that he has to look
twice ut to see. II he buys his wife one
of those exaggeratons women are ac-
cused of wearing in theatres he can see
1t twice without looking at it once. -
NorriStoo0n Herald.
1t Is very common in China for an
official who thinks he has offended the
'powers that be- to beg that his head
may be cut of. Now, if some Ameri-
can politicians could be disposed of in
the same manner, what boom bust.
ness would have. boomerang,
Son (exultantly) We'll, pa, l called
on Jenkins a. Bigbee, the tea mer-
chants, and, dye know. they took me
for an Englishman. " Father (discon-
solate) "Ihen, of course, they didn't
take you for anything else. did hope
. they could use you for teacup washer
at least.
A lady reader writes to say that she
has been losing her hair lately and she
wants to know what she shall do to
prevent it. Either keep your bureau
drawer locked or else discharge the
hired girl and get another of COM
plexion differing from yours. Rock
land Gazette
Teacher; "Who reigned after Saulp"
Scholar: david" 'Who came after
DavidPn Solomon" "Who came
after SolomonPn "The Queen of She
ba," answered the pale young man on
the back bench, and the teacher turned
to the Cloth chapter of Corinthians and
looked solemn.
An Indiana jury has just awarded
$50, 900 to a woman who swore that
man had kissed her 5000 times. 1t is
Almighty cold blooded woman who will
keep count when kisses are so thick,
and the unfortunate victim of her de-
ceit is entitled to the sympathy of all
his confiding sex.
"You shouldn't have stayed away so
long" she said in icy tones as her the
atre escort slid into his seat ten min
utes after the ring up of the second act.
"Ou! Er-Encuse mel met my old
friend Tom in the foyer, and"
"Was Jerry there, toop" was her art
less interruption as she turned her at
tention to the stage.
what did you get out of that casep"
asked the old lawyer II got my eli
ent out of it," replied the young one.
"And what did he get out OF itp"
Satisfaction, reckon. didn't leave
anything else for him to get" Young
man." said the senior proudly, you'll
never be Judge. There is not enough
money on the bench for you"
A polished beau: "Yes, said Byrnes-
monkey, 81 wondered why that beauti-
full girl at tho ball last night stood so
long talking to Tawmus while the boys
all envied him. But | found out. He
had his shirt front polished SO that it
was like mirror, and while she stood
talking to him she could look at her re-
Election. Clever fellow, Tawmus. -
Boston Globe
"Why, Mr.. jenkins, I. thought you
were in the hospital" calculated a
pretty Washington girl to her caller
the other night. 'In the hospitalp' he
queried, with genuine state depart
ment infection. ''What made you
think thatP" "Why, papa said at
breakfast this morning that he never
saw man shoot off his mouth like you
did yesterday"
A Rockland woman was Boosting the
other evening of her rare GOODNESS and
abnormal nerve. The next day as she
was looking in store window at a
choice thing in hamburgs strange dog
accidentally poked his cold nose
against her bare hand. and she jumped
and yelled so that she shook off a pound
and half Of excellent black hair.
Rockland Courier.
A drummer with package of SAM
pies under his arm determined to at
tend concert in St. Louis without
having to pay cent. Just as he was
passing the man at the door. that gen.
tleman detained the commercial tray-
eler and said, Ticket" 81 haven't
got any. Then you will have to pay
or You cant go i'm "All right, thu the
performance can come off this evening
without my flute solo, beg pardon
didn't know you was performer.
Go right IN. =
A llttle school girl being asked the
other day BY : member Of the Chicago