Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-07-31
WIT AND HUMOR.

made fortune in the last three years.
is advertising for a wife. Very proper
", he demands that the lady shall be
refined.
An Indiana boy was sentenced to
four years Imprisonment for stealing
suit of clothes Out in Indiana it is a
pretty serious thing to lose suit of
clothes.
Mrs. Pinaphor thinks telegraphy
ought to be much cheaper than post
age, because the former can perform
n job i'll five minutes which requires the
mails from one to six days to accom-
plish.
A man who lectured on "How to
Win Success" few night ago. was
trying to borrow So an hour later to
pay his fare out of town and liquidate
his hotel bill. He must have drawn
blank.
in Siberia you can purchase wife
for eight dogs" As long as girls can
be had for the asking in this country,
very few of our young men will go TO
Siberia to procure wife. -N0rriSt0WR
Herald.
WAS not Mr.. George Washington
johnson afraid to die?h asked a gem
tleman of one of the friends of de-
parted colored man. "Oh, no!' was
the reply. che took more'n $40 worth
of patent medsons durin' his las sick
ness.
A lady reporter wrote long account
of shocking wife-murder. ''We're
crowded. Boil it, said the managing
editor. She condensed column to a
stick, but said it was impossible to de-
scribe the woman's dress in less space
than that.
Says Matthew Arnold. America
holds the future. Ii this is true,
America should look out for herself.
Futures are the most dangerous things
to hold imaginable. They may 90 up,
but they are ten times moro likely to
so down.
There is very little that is practical
in the so-called science OF the day.
Here is the Populay Science Monthly de-
voting pages to telling How flies hang
on, when baid-headcd public is Just
quivering TO know how the pesky things
can be made to let 90
Il don't see any point to it," he
said, after the teller had finished
long-winded, tedious story. 'No.
probably not, was the reply 81
should Judge from the restless manner
in which you listened to it that you
must have been sitting on the point.
Herbert Spencer's lucid remark that
an ''incidental force falling on an ag-
gregate containing like and unlike
units, segregates the like units and sep
arates the unlike, never strikes a
young man SO forcibly as when a tailor
refuses to trust him for new spring
suit
Professor Merriman declares that in
40, 600 years the ocean will roll 200
feet deep over New York City," This
should not alarm the New Workers,
however. BY that time apartment
houses in New York, Mt the present
rate of altitude, will be built 800 feet
high.
well, Jakey, hear you are going
to get married Is it sop Yes"
"Wno are you going to marry?" Jane
Meters" "Why, she's old, Jakey,
and also homely." That's just the
kind / want | want them old, so
they'll know something, and homely,
so they'll stay at home"
It's shame" said Mrs. Parvenu
at Newport the other day, that they
do not elect my son one of the stock
holders in that there Kasino. He's Of
fered EN- $500, has n dog-cart, plays
tennis. and talks just rs silly as any of
them men what 60 round with other
men wives. And we move in aleet
circles, too.
just rs soon rs q man succeeds IN
buying his wife two or three of the big
gest diamonds in the market. the STYLES
change. A fashion item says; Tiny
are now the correct thing
among ladies who are supposed to set
the style" 1t is very discouraglng-
We shall have to cart the biz diamonds
to q saw-mill and have EN- cut up into
proper sizcs-and that viii cost like
the dickens.
"A friend of mine, says Olive Lo-
gan, "onee asked Charles Reade why
he did not come over to America,
where he would receive grand recep-
ton, at any rate from literary people.
'Pll you why, answered Mr.. Reade;
they tell me there are lois of good
things to eat out in America, and |
should be tempted to eat them If l
went Now, I've got bad liver COM
plant, and must diet.
The Whitehall Times observes; IA
20 man theories; at 40 he philosophl-
yes, and at 60 he realizes. Also, at ~
he scrutinizes-the young ladies' at ~
he idolizes-the sister of some 9TH
er fellow; at a he paralyzes - the
old man by asking for her hand IN mar
riage, and Mt 26 he jeopardizes-hi.ss
neck BY staying out with the boys untii
midu hit. In fact, his life is full OF
''izes N0rristoWH Herald
An unmarried Episcopal clergyman
pronosed to recuperate his health
which has suffered from his Lenten
austerities. by taking a trip into the
country. This was what he proposed
to tell 4 lady friend, also unmarried
He said: "Now that Lent is over pro
pose to take" "Oh, don't You
Ironoset let me proposel You know