Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1884-11-01
HUMOROUS.

An Iowa lawyer included in his clients
BILL "To waking up in the night and
thinking about your case, s."
Another woman whom George Wash
ington kissed has Just died. That kiss
is getting to be about as fatal as the
cholera.
An ostrich egg is worth one hundred
dollars Does anybody know anything
that viii beat an ostrich egg p Lowell
Courier. Try an ax.-[ Boston Post.
Judge" What sort of man, now, was it
whom you saw commit the assault ?' Con-
stable" Shure, yer Honor, he was small,
insignificant crathur-about yer own size,
yer Honor
\ sailor has been sent up" for six
months for kissing a girl on Broadway
The mariner was evidently not aware that
s1nacks were so expensive in New York
N. Y. Graphic.
When Fogg came into the room unex-
pectediy Mrs. +. gave scream and ex-
claimed: "You frightened me half to
death" Did | Pr was the unfeeling reply;
suppose | try it over again" Boston
Transcript.
\ young gentleman wishes to know
which is proper to say ON leaving young
lady friend after late call-good- might or
good-eyening. Never tell lie, young
man. Say good-morning.- [ Burlington
Free Press.
Il want to get dogs muzzle," said a
little fellow entering hardware store.
as it for your father" asked the cautious
storekeeper. "No, of course it isn't" re-
piled the little fellow, Indignantly; its
for our dog. u Elk.
''You are lucky" said a criminal lawyer
to his client thief Gam acquitted p
inquired the thief No, not that" re
piled the lawyer, 'but you will be the first
inmate of the new prison, and you will get
write-up as such. , [Galveston News
A recently propounded conundrum by
member of the Lower House of the Brit
ish Parliament: What is the difference
between the House Of Commons and the
House of Lords?' Answer: Gone has
ability, the other nobility" - Exchange.
4 little girl, meeting countryman with
load of slaughtered swine, dropped a
courtesy. The rustic laughed without re-
turning the civility. I" Whatr' said he,
4" do YOU courtesy to dead hogs ?" q No,
sir,n promptly responded the little miss,
courtesied to the live one."-[Chicago
Herald.
Because Robert Bonner, of the
New York Ledger, gave one bell to a
church he is now being driven nearly
crazy By applications from every struggling
congregation in the country. This will
exelain why we hesitate about building the
Bartholdi pedestal We are afraid every
other city will want one too Philadel-
phia Call.
Adelina Patti recently appeared at
Welsh concert with bouquet, among
which were dendrobium formosum gigan-
teum odontoglossum rosezlii, new yellow
oncidium and the swee--scented pilumna
fragrans This may be the way the Welsh
reporter took it down, but we are inclined
to think the forms were pied before they
went to press.-[ Burlington Free Press.
A vigilant sentinel is posted at the door
of picture gallery with strict orders of
the customary character. a sight-seer
happens along and is promptly halted:
Here, sir, you must leave your cane at
the door, But, my friend, have not
any cane.' Then go back and get one.
No one is allowed TO pass in here unless he
leaves his cane at the door Orders is
ordersr Electra.
"But, oh, papa, George and do love
each other 50 devotcdlv" don't care
l say you shall not marry him. How on
earth can he support the daughter Of
wealthy merchant when his salary is only
s., 900 a year? '' But papa, you forget
he is your confidential clerk, your trusted
employee" "What of that?' why, he
probably owns more Of the store than you
do already" Chicago News.
"Nancy, is George still flying around
with you" Yes, ma'am," answered the
girl. "Why, I thought you had given
him the mitten? ~ Il did, several days
ago" "And he still comes! That's
strange. 4 young man usually flies
to pieces and never speaks to the
girl again" He seemed to like it." an
swered Nancy, blushingly. "Well, | can't
understand him; can you imagine why he
likes it ," Don't know, ma am" turning
very red, "unIess it was because my hand
was in the mitten when gave it to him"
Hum, that's enough, child Atlanta
! Constitution.
Foreigner (at fashionable American
watering place)-'I cannot see why such
plain, humble-looking people, as some of
those you have here, should be willing to
come to a gay place like this, or able to
pay the enormous prices you charge. |
should think that farmers would want to
save their money to buy plows and hoes
and such things" Hotel Clerk-"I do
not notice any such people here as you de
scribe" Why, look at that old
gentleman over there. Belongs in
some small village, don't he?-a
mere nobody, evidently" That is a
very eminent member of the Cabinet"
Bless my stars! Well, who is that dis
tinguished-loobing parsonage in a dress
suit. looking out OF the window ?' Chat