Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-01-18
FUN
Etiquette in Chicago

sis this an editorf"
The horse reporter looked up from
little idyl on the life and career Of Rys-
dyk's Hambletonian into which he had
been putting the best efforts Of his surg
ing brain, and beheld rather short young
man who was peering in an affable, but
somewhat irresolute manner over very
high collar, and on whose upper lip was
delicate tracery which looked as if it
might have been effected with SONS No.
2 molasses, and at which the young man
was making furtive grasps with the thumb
and forefnger Of bis right hand, evident
" under the impression that he had
moustache and desired to pull it.
81 want to see an editor" said the
young man in voice that sounded like
the best efforts of cricket, "about So
cial topic, want to see the social topics
editor
ssWhat SORT Of social topic is it that's
worrying your" inquired the biographer
of st. Julien. There are great many
social topics. Has somebody In your SO.
cial circle been holding three aces with
criminal frequency, or has the green-eyed
monster invaded your once happy fiat be-
cause your wife goes to the matinee.
"Oh. it's nothing like that,' said the
young man. 81 promised papa that l
would never play poker, and I'm not mar
ried-that is, not yet"
swell, tie gentle sex is having one
lucky winter, anyhow" said the horse re-
porter, surveying the visitor carefully.
s.If you'll quit grabbing for that supposti-
tious m0ustache, and tell me what ails
you, perhaps / can settle the point
What the social topic you are distressed
about?"
'sWell, you see,' said the young man,
"when got into the lacss--''
Into the what p
Into the laces-the lace department in
our store. you know-all the other fellows
there were real jealous of me because 1
had been out more in society than they
had. belonged to three clubs on the
West Side, and we have hops and assem-
blies: and things every week; so Pm really
quite in the swim, you know. Well, they
were awfully jealous, you know-just as
said-and they talked real mean. told
Cholly about it-Ch0llYs my chum, you
know-and he said to never mind them.
but keep going right into society; and he
lent me his mauve pants for an awful
swell reception one night last week. Cholly
and are awful chums, and I'm going to
give him a book mark on his birthday.
That will be nice, won't it ?''
YES" said the horse reporter, "a book
mark is a valuable aid to any young man
who is hustling around to get living.
With strong arm, pure heart, and nice
book-mark, fortune is within the reach of
all. But what's the question that's wor-
rying you 20
"Oh, yes, the social topic. Well the
other day lot Of us were talking about
young ladies, and 1 said that very few
young men knew what real etiquette was,
and gave All awfnlly severe look at one
fellow who has been terribly jealous of me
ever since q young lady who came into the
store the other day smiled right over In the
direction where was standing, and never
even looked at him. And then some one
said it was proper to call on young lady
and ask her to accompany you to the the
atre that evening. | said that would be
wrong-that the correct way was to write
the lady note asking the pleasure OF her
company. We had terrible discussion
about It, and finally agreed to leave it to
the social topics aditor of the Tribune
Now, supposing YOU we're young lady,
and we're to call at your papa g house and
ask you to go to tho theatre with me that
evening, what would you doY''
Suppose were a young lady," said the
horse reporter.
YES"
And you were to call and ask me to 20
to the theatre with you''
Eyes"
''What would do y''
YES"
"Well, if somebody had mialaid the gun
/ suppose should have to content myself
with club. CHICAGO Tribune.
A VERY ORIGINAL ADVERTISER
When the defendant took the stand his
honor said:
Prisoner, you are charged with having
removed the goblet from the hand of the
Cogswell statue, substituting pair of
two-bit suspenders, with placard calling
attention to your establishment across the
way"
well, Shudge," replied the offender
with an ingratiating smile. 'of gorse I
wants to get along in peesness."
':After which," continued the Court,
sternly, You substituted lot of neckties
for the suspenders, and attached to the
other hand lot OF bills referring to your
new stock of gum shoes and hair OIL
Dose hair oil ID fust rate, your honor"
siad the defendant. 81 would Ike to sell
you pottle.''
'sAnd yesterday" continued the Court.
consulting the indictment, ''you Obstruct-
ed the thoroughfares and created a dis
turbance 10y placing q paper collar and q
plug hat on the statue in question:
.Dose blug hats is cheap at 81, Shudge.
Moses Levy sharges fife und halef vor
dem same kind" returned tho trader
cheerfully; 81 beats dose fellers efery
dimeE'
sand at night went on his honor, sat
night it appears you place In the figures
hand q >transparency containing further
advertisement of your wares. Now. this
is most improper and reprehensiple."
''Dot's right, Shudge." said Mr.. Solo
mons, delightedly. "Pitch into me of
you please. Spheak loudt, so dose noos-
baber vellers gan hear you, and be smiled
benignantly upon the reporters.
stGreat heavensV Numbered the Court,
as frightful idea struck him. SIS it DOS.
sible you have the mendacity to use the
machinery Of this court as an advertising
dodge 2"
.Dot's it. dots it. Shudge ?" exclaimed
Ohio Iohra fuhhin0 hia honds ax,,l.