The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1884-06-09
BELLIES OF THE KITCHEN.
A BLOOD CURDLINo NARRATIVE, As TRUE
AS GOSPEL, WITH LOCAL APPLIeA-

A BLOOD CURDLINo NARRATIVE As TRUE
AS GOSPEL, WITH A LOCAL APPLIcA-
TIoN.
Saturday evening quite a belicose
meeting took place between two young
women employed as domestics in the
families of two of our prominent citizens.
One of the families lives on Second ave-
nue. and the other on Fourth avenue. AS
the names of either are not necessary to /
the telling of the story, we shall preserve
them inviolate, designating them simply
as domestic No. and domestic No. 2,
leaving our readers to do their own
guessing as to who the originals are
Both have been badly mashed for some
time on young man who lives on Second
avenue, whose only passport to such
aristocratic circles seems to be the pom
derous size of his feet and his utter dis
regard for good grammar
On last evening he called on No. l, and
the family beng absent, she invited him
into the parlor. After the veneer OF the
clover kicker had been worn of, he
pointed to piano and asked her II she
could plav on that thing" She smiled
| on him with an air of an Marchioness,
snubbed at an ice cream festival, took
seat at the instrument and made wild
plunge at Napoleon Crossing the Alps,
but which bore striking resemblance OF
a drove of Texas steers crossing a bridge.
Then she made another break. This time
it was Over the Garden Wall, and he
endeavored to pick up the last notes in
voice which seemed to spring from the
cavity of his boots, and set all the dogs in
the neighborhood to bowling.
In the meantime No. 2 had been made
acquainted by meddlesome victim o.
what was going on at the house of hel
rival and she began wrestling with thu
pots and kettles like the head cook OF
lumber camp In her excitement and con
fusion over the startling intelligence, sh
replcnished the water cooler with the con
Y tents of the coal scuttle. and started t
wind the kitchen clock with the stov
poker.
The deft fingers of No. l had jus
curdled all the new milk in the neighbor
hood by exciting so true to notice an im
tation OF thunder storm. when No.
appeared before them in all the plentiful
of her wrath and demanded Of No. l wins
she meant by alternating her lovers affe'
tions?
He isn't your lover-are you hers
whimpered No. /, looking up at him lii
a calf at its mamma through crack in Il
fence.
He is"
HE isn'tr'
Il say he is, and If catch you monke
ing with him again I'll shake all the fall
teeth out of your head, just as il
You pile right out!"
Come outside and put, me outT +
piled No. 2, as she laid down her ba
= hair and prepared to charge on the ran
parts of the evening
Woman" replied the other, do y
defy Inc in my own house?" and
grabbed cuspidor and brandished it
the face of the enemy.
@2@ The excitement was growing in int
sity like tar barrel confiagration a
precinct caucus.
At this juncture the young man VIII
face had turned the cslor of a governm
- whisky groger's nose. now stepped in
tween the two parties to prevent co
sion. But, alas the cuspidor had depar
on its deadly mission and struck
young hero on the apex of benevole
and amber drops as large as an ak han
began to course down the face, eyes, Ell
and nose and immaculate shirt II
of the unburied sacrifice. With smC
cred cry he rushed from the room out
the night.
No. 1 followed No. 2 to the front G
NJ and as a parting salute, SHE'D the linl
= an old stove pipe at her, which, wi
ue- woman's accuracy, struck kid in the
'th, of the stomabh, and doubled him in
ara kuife style. And such, dear reader
high life in Rock Island below stairs.