Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-11-28
FUN

HOTEL HLEssNEss.-RuralS Sage:
"Wall, now. talkin' of hotels, them thee
big city hotels is just the vast humbugs
goin'. stopped at one once"
Stranger: That is queer. The large
hotels in my city are regarded as the hes
in the world.''
"Wall. I stopped at one what charged
five dollars day, and tell you they
hain't got no idea of the things that decent
people need to be comfortable"
s'Was not the table good ?''
sob! the eating was fine, no doubt about
that, and the furniture was splendid, l
admit that, but the little things what
makes comfort they didn't have. Take
my bedroom, for instance. That was a
beauty for fine furniture, but that g ali it
was.''
"Why, what was there lacking ?"
ST looked in every drawer and couldn't
find a hair brush or a tooth brush
nowhere. phil. Call.
A TREATING have received from
Messrs. Buston & Co. sample half-dozen
bottles of Cincinnati beer, which we are
now sampling. We are (Joe, another bot
tle) decidedly of opinion Eyes, just another
glass, please,) that beer is an bounds!
that is vel! charged) invigorating beve-
Ebert, another glass; rage; it tones up the
(ah! that has fine, creamy surface) stOm-
ach, strengthens the appetite and (well,
we might risk another one without injury
induces quietude of the nervous system.
We have no sympathy lis there another
bottle left there, Charley?) with the man
who cannot take simple (here's to Cleve-
land and Hendricks j glass of beer and
sthop, What men Wanter make hogs of
selves for (hurrah for Clevelan' 'En tricks!
ish more'n we can I'LL 'erstan'. We say
take CLASH like man an sthop (bless my
soul, ish lasht bottle? Whazzer mazzer
you fellers? 1 b'lieve yer dhrunk)
Messhrs. Busbshton & Comply we're
mush 'blished to Charlottesville
Chronicle.
EXPLICIT DIRECTIONS NEEDED.-Irate
customer-''See here, sir, this is fraud
regular humbug, SIR"
Druggist What is the matter?''
''You sold me this lump of borax yes
terday. didn t you 7"
"Yes; good borax, too"
"And you said it would kill reaches 20
s'Yes."
swell, it won't. The closet is as full of
reaches as it was before"
''Guess you didn't use it right"
81 didn't?"
mo; you take the lump back. and when
you see roach 60 for it,"
"How?''
s'Hit it,
"Why. what with p
The lump, OF course. "-Phla. Gull.
Don IT SQUEEZE so HARD, JoHN.-The
Huntington Neps is responsible for CHS:
"a young man had his girl out riding one
evening and the horses took fright and
ran away. In turning the corner the ve-
hicle was overturned and the lady was
pinned to the earth, the body of the car
riage lying heavily across her waist. She
was rendered unconscious. W hen she was
released from her perilous position she
slowly opened her eyes, as consciousness
returned, and family gasped: Don't
squeeze me quite so hard next time,
John.''
Mamma: swell pet, how DO you like
your new teacher ?" Pet: Il don't like
her at all!'' You don't? Why % "She
10 on inopoIito ssInonoIito2 WIN u,bot
did she do p'' s'Shs asked me all sorts of
'pert'nent questions alb out the lesson that
/ couldn't answer at ALL"
Miss A.-"Ah! how do you do Mr..
Sophomore Clara and were just talk
ing about the lost Atlantis" Mr.. Sopho-
more-"Don' know her, though 1 believe
did meet her brother once. But why
cont they advertise her ?''
Miss Trespschutt- Mr.. Small
brains, my brother tells me that this is
your last year at college. 1 suppose you
will work very hard ?" Mr.. Smallbraius-
swell, really, that depends on whether
I get on the football team or not,
"Llttle Jim-"Ah. ha ! I'ye heard some
thing awful bad about your pop.' Little
Jack-"W no cares for you What did We
hear, anyhow ?" II heard your pop got
put in JAIL" ''Pooh! Guess you forgot
what they done to your pop last year."
"What ?" Your pop got sent to the
Legislature"
A feion on the finger is worse than two