Daily Republican., 1884-04-24
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT


splendid coat made wherewith tt
embelish new piece. The garm en-,
was as great a success as the piece, and
proved capita advertisement for the
tailor. After the piece had been run
ming some weeks, the player went tc
his clothes .monger to order a new suit
when the tailor remarked that the
aforesaid coat had made both fame
and gain for him. Indeed" said
the customer. ooh, yes, sir" quoth
the shopkeepesr. "Why, had aloth.
or order for one of the same sort to.
day !" From an actor" asked the
customer. "No, sir" replied the tail
Or" from a gentleman"
"Please, num-" said Bridget, I've
come to give yez notice" Mrs. Beacon
hill" Why, Bridget, what do you
mean 2" Havn't you always been
treated well, and havn't you had more
privileges than most domestics ?"
Bridget. P'r'aps | have, mum; but
liver since I've been here I've noticed
that all the magazines go into the par
lor, an it's not Until Everybody in the
house has rid 'em that wee sees WAN
of 'em in the kitchen. All me fri 'nds
be talkin' of the Essays an the stories
an the paapers, an | reels ike tool
not to be able to talk intillis sntly wild
me company
"How are they feeding you down at
your boarding house now?" asked
Yeast of young Crimsonhack, meeting
in the barber-shop yesterday morning.
"As poor as ever" WIS the reply.
You get fish just now, presume 2"
Yeast ventured TO continue. "Fish !"
exclaimed the boarder with some sur.
prise. "Oh, no we don't get any fish.
You see, the shrewd o,d boarding house
mistress knows well enough that fish
make brains and she's afraid, if we
got any brains, she might loose all her
boarders %
There IL a tradition of a Cunard cap,
tain OF ,ls age, who in his otf-days
pridrd s..iuself on his curt replies to in
qnr'r~ A lady on his ship asked him
a rivll question one day when he was
".l~rially cross. "Don't trouble me,
III .'am,' was the response; "go ask
the cook-p-rhaps he'll tell you" "Ex.
cuse me" she said instantly, 81 sup
posed you were the cook when ad.
dressed you" The captain was polite
all the rest Of the trip.
A lawyer, having lost his case asked
for new trial, which the judge denied
al the same time remarking "The
court and jury think the prisoner a
knave and fool" The lawyer replied i:
My client wishes me to say that he
is perfectly satisfied, as he is now sure
that he has been tried by court and
jury of his peers.
Charlie went to sea the apple of his
eye the other evening, and, after a
proper amount of aflectionate conversa-
ton, said :" ri give you pair of
earrings, dear, if you'll earn them by
letting me bore your ears" Haven't
l earned them already ?" queried the
fair object Of his affections. Charlie
"sloped.
A little four-year old child who was
saying her rprayers al her mothers knee,
concluded as usual: "Bless papa,
mamma, grandpapa, and grandmamma,
uncles, and aunts," etc, and then said
son, nanny dear, 1 do wish these
people would pray for themselves, for
l am 80 tired Of praying for them"
81 think I saw you standing in
front of the Fifth Avenue Hotel to
day, said New York young lady to
dude, who was making an evening
call. "Ya'as," it replied with a silly
look. I.aw.dine there every da'ay,
y'know." Do you?" she sweetly said,
"and don't you tire of toothpicks?"
A young man in Hillsdale, New
York, has entered into an agreement to
work seven years for his employers
daughter, If he keeps his eyes open he
will be able to tell at the end of that
time whether she is worth having. III
she iS he will continue to work the rest
of his life for her.
Little Nell.-" Mamma, what is color
blind?" Mamma" Inability to tell
one color from another, dear" Little
Nell" Then l dess the man that
made my geography is color blind.
Mamma" And why, pet?" Little
Nell. -" 'Tause he's got Greenland
painted yellow"
Let them Wiggle. "A collegiate, en-
tighten ng farmer upon animalcnln,
applied his microscope to the cheese,
saying "Now look and see them
wiggle." Well" said the farmer,
placing the cheese in his mouth, " let
them wiggle. can stand it as long as
they can"
"Well," says philosophic friend to
the invalid, " had d good night last
night?" No, never suffered so in
my life." HIM! that's bad! But"
up, "you know a bad night
is better than no night at all"