Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1884-05-02
A wedding party-A Mormon.

A notorious eavesdropper-Rain.
The hard way of the world-The railway.
Capable minister of the interior-A restau-
rateur
Why is Canada like courtship because it
borders on the United States.
Ladies are giving up the bang-possibly
because it is a loud fashion Of dressing the
hair.
''Your horse has tremendous long bit, said
q friend to Theodore Hook. "Yes," said he,
'it's bit too long"
''It is so cold in Sweden" said a returned
traveller, that in winter-time / invariably
put on my gloves to wash with"
Society is composed of two great classes
those who have more appetite than dinner,
and those who have more dinner than appe-
tite.
If you would be truly happy, my dear"
said one young lady to another, You will
have neither eyes nor ears when your hus-
band comes home late from the club" ''Yes,
1 know" answered the other YEARLY but
what am to do with my nose?"
little 4-year-old said to his mother last
week: Mother, 1 believe God thinks I'm
dead" why" asked the mother, some
what astonisbed at the remark. "Cause l
haven't said my prayers for week. ."-Dea0er
Opinion.
Little Flaxen Hair: 'Papa, its raining"
Papa, (somewhat annoyed by work in hand)
"Well, let it rain." Little Flaxen Hair (tim-
idly; 81 was going to."-Ctncfnndh En-
Quirer.
At fair in a Connecticut hamlet the peo-
Pile are voting a silk hat to the wickedest
man in town. A number Of prominent citi-
zens have taken lodgings outside the town
limits.-Fr6e Press.
A.. .apnrkar opna xvnoka NJ nF
| Newman Hall that "he had delivered the I'm
est prayer ever addressed to a congregation.
OleDeland Herald.
''Does death end all?" No, but the law
| yers do il they can get up suit about the
| will Whitehall Times.
| DeaIer-''Would you like TO have French
clock ?" Mrs. Mulcahy-''No, indade, l dont
want none av yer Frinch clocks. Its clock
that can understand when 1t strokes that
want, 80 do."-Te1as SiftiRgs.
A racy story is told of an old lady who re-
fused to be comforted by her pastors assur-
ance that when he left she would have abetter
| pastor as his successor INA, ma !" she said,
II have seen fourteen changes in the minis
ters since attended the kirk, and every ane
has been wRur than anither. Toronto GS06e.
The "Seven Wonders of the World"
we're the Egyptian Pyramids, the Temple OF
Diana at Ephesus, the Hanging Gardens of
Babylon, the Colossus of Rhodes, the Statue
of Jupiter Olympus at Ems, the Temple OF
Belas and Lake Morris.
At Boston seanoe a disconsolate widower
succeeded in establishing communication
with his wife, who had passed into the spirit
land from the Hub, of whose esthetio oiroles
she had been member. The man inquired
if she were happy and IL she liked her new
surroundings, to which she replied "Well,
dear, it is very charming and lovely and all
that but, Of course, you know, dear, 1t isn't
Boston,"
An English missionary, 30 the story goes,
was invited TO a large dinner party by Ger
man professor and deputy. Out of regard 70
his cloth the host, after the ladies had with
drawn from the table, apologized to the mis-
sionary for their perhaps too decOllete style
of dress. ooh, pray don't mention 1t, re-
piled the missionary; II have lived for ten
years among the savages Of Africa, and am
quite accustomed to such sights. London
Truth.
"Yes sir, ;" said the politician 10 the caucus
manipulation" the Office should seek the mar
and not man the office"
Exactly" answered the O. m.
"But in this case when the office starts out
TO seek the man"
''Yes, sir"
'I want you to h1 It so that will be thu
first man that 1t will find"