South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1884-06-06

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A little girl Of three explains the
Golden Rule to her sister: 1t me66S
that yoo must do sverythhgf wsns you
to. aad yos mustn't doany .tinS z done
want y0a5os J = ~ sH =
A little lawyer, appearing as eviden CO
in one Of the courts. ~as istsd by Q gi.
santic counsellor what profession he was
Of and having replied that no was an at.
torney-'You an attorney!' replied
Brief why lean put you in my pocket.
Very likely ycu may, rejoined The 9th.
er. and II yon do. yous will have more
lawin your pocket than in your head
-AAA aRas - asT TRE
. "A woman said to her servant girl, a
fresh arrival on the ktsst boat from
Cork:'Bridges go ouSsand see il Mr..
Block, the butcher on the corner has
pigs feet The dutiful servant went
out and returned. Well what did he
say" asked the mistress. Sure, he said
nuthing. num- Has he got pigs' foct?'
Faith, couldn't see, mum-he hos his
boots on
A recent advertisement reads as fol.
lows: III the gentleman who keeps the
shoe store with q rod head will return
the umbrella or a young lady with whale
bone ribs and an iron handle to the
slale.rOofed grocer's shop he will hear
Of something to his advantage, as the
same is a gift of deceased mother now
no more with the name engraved ON it.
Mr.. Schmidt, said German gentle
man recently, as he entered Pitts
burgh merchants Office. 'Mr Schmidt.
l haf der shmall pox-'
Great heavens2 Mr.. Schneider, was
the hurried reply, don't come here and
the clerks rapidly disappeared in va.
riou directions,
Volts der madden NIT you fellers, any
howT pursued Schneider, Il haf der
schmall pox full Of butter oud in mine
wagon vot Mrs. Schmidt ortered last
wick alreaty.' Explanations and cigars
followed.
''- ,-saea) --aet 1919 la 'etoat
We don't use a. much oil AZ we used
to, do we mamma? said a wise 81 ven y ear
oldgirL Z RaE & =
4 really haven't noticed, my child.
What makes you think SOP
Cause, sister is awfully stingy with
the light when her beau calls
80
Charley said mamma, you hav,
been very naughty boy: you have
been playing marbles, and you know /
told you that you mustn't, for it is
gambling. and gambling is very wicked.
Now, hope you will never gamble a.
gain Charley promised he wouldn't,
and his mamma was so delighted that
she took him to the parish fair, and
gave him the money to take chances in
almost everything there, Some parents
are Just ms inconsistent as this.
The following is certainly sppropri.
nte to the times. a speculstor in wheat
who had made o few thousand dollars
rented brown.stone front and thon
sought The services of a furniture NOV.
er. Ill take it by the job and do the
fair thing by YOU replied the mover
well, how fair? I'll say fifty dollars
for the two What two?' why, the
moving this week into the Brown stone,
and the moving 10 about month from
that into cheap frame house In the
suburbs. always job the two moves
together in the case of grain spculator =
He WANTED TO BE CIvIlIZED.-A
man OF unknown nationality walked in
to the Superior Court clerks Office wi III
solemn and measured tread. His coat
was threadbare and his trousers were
too shor. for him. Removing his bat.
tered hat he inquired mildly for the civ
ilization clerk,
The WHAT asked the officer address.
cd.
The civilization clork,' said the SOL
emn man, turning toward the naturali-
cation desk. I want to be civilized.
You see, 1 have been long time 10 this
country and never have been civilized,
and my friends told mo to come here
ooh you want to be naturalized?'
We'll, II is the same thing, anyhow,
said the solemn man, and the na,urali.
cation clerk remarked that in this coun.
try it certainly was, or at least ought
TO be- ~ Y Herald.
Here's yer nice roast chick = cried
an aged colored man, as the cars stop-
pod OF Virginia railroad station.