The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1884-10-24
CURED OF BORROWING.

There was a meeting of the Grange
The farmers came in one after another
and O the little school house wa
filed with an anxious, happy assembly
Jonathan Fuller, the chairman, rap
ped for order and called the roll. Ever
man answered to his name with tn,
exception of Mr.. Haynes. Mr.. FulleI
announced vt the conclusion of the pre-
liminary business that there was nc
particular theme for discussion anc
moved that John Bangs make remarks
upon any subject he might choose. The
whole meeting seconded the motion
with a roar.
Mr.. Bangs arose and looked at the
eobwebs in the corner of the room as if
he thought there was an inspiration in
the dusty drapery. He then glanced at
the floor and said he believed he had
nothing to say. The crowd stamped
and yelled, and amid the discord could
be heard cries of $50 on, - ''You must
say something" "Hurrah for Bangs"
etc, all of which quite took the old
farmer by surprise, and before he knew
it he was standing balancing himself
against the desk. The uproar ceased
and Bangs cleared his throat.
''Well, I'm not that sort o'citizen as
wants to make hard feelin's 'mong each
other, but when l sees a screw loose l
wants to take a screw-driver and tighten
it. 1The audience Uttered and stamped.
Bangs fixed his eyes on the cobweb,
then glanced at the chairman, who
acted as if he had been shot, and turned
his eyes from the speaker to a crack in
the ceiling.] Now it is a very good
thing to have a Grange. 1t is a very
useful thing to have it made strong; in
fact, it is the best screw-driver we ever
had. Loud laughter. There has
been a screw loose for a long time in
u neighborhood. deep silence. 1t
is time to commence turnin' your screw
driver on it. You all know what a
botheration it is to borrow, and what a
still disagreeabler thing it is to lend.
Loud clapping and stamping.] AS l
said, | don't want any hard feelin's but
if any of you have been bothered as
much as l have, you'll not blame me
for saying Caleb Haynes is the worst
nuisance we have. He borrows every
thing. His wife is getting into the
same habit, and the youngsters too.
He is the screw that's loose. Now let's
talk up some way to cure Caleb, for we
all know he is good at heart; besides
that, | want to get a screw-driver he
borrowed of me not long ago, for my
woman is going to take up the carpet"
This brief, extemporaneous address
was followed by wild cheering and ex-
cited stamping till the whole room was
one cloud of dust. No one minded it
but the spider, who scampered over his
and settled himself down in his back
chamber in perfect disgust at the be-
havior of the Changers.
The plans suggested for curing Caleb
Haynes of borrowing were numerous,
none of which seemed entirely satisfac-
tory but the one set forth by Mr.. Bangs.
1t was unanimously agreed to begin
the tightening of the screw the next
day, that the novel method should be
by Mr.. Bangs.
The meeting then dissolved and the
Changers dispersed to their homes.
Caleb Haynes was feeding the pigs.
Looking towards the hill, his eye
the wagon of John Bangs,
loaded with something.
Good morning, Calep," said John.
Good morning, John. Going to
marketP'
"Oh, no. 1 just merely thought 1
would bring you over a few things.
You weren't at the Grange last nightp"
mo, l couldn't mt Had to go to
town last night to my old woman's
cousin Ann to borrow a futing ma
chine. / knew there was no such thing
around in the neighborhood."
.'Wish l had one. l would loan it to
you. But l guess there is something
here you will like. Now here is a new
AK l will let you have till you get ready
to return it, and"
''Oh, you are too kind"
"And a coffee-grinder and a first-rate
grindstone. Yes, and here is a double
shovel pillow, just what you want for
your new corn"
John, you are a Christian. If every
body was like you, this would be a hap
py world"
But before he could say anything
more, John whipped up his horses and
for home.
Mrs. Haynes was delighted with the
cotfee-grinder, and declared she would
not be IN a hurry to return it. While
they were b~reakfasting, they heard the
of wheels, and soon after some
one knocked at the door.
Come in," said Caleb.
"Good morning." said Jacob Fuller.
Il am on my way to market, and |
l would stop and loan you a
things"
"How clever you are," said Mrs
"Here is some sugar and nutmegs my
wife pnt in, and a bottle of vinegar"
sHow thoughtful she is. Why, l was
ust coming oyer after those things, for
We want a dumping and we can't eat
without vinegar, you know" s
sOf course not" observed Mr.. Full '