Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-05-08

RASSSeS sNAANNf 49,
breakfasti did/no stay on my stomach.
believe I'm poisoned"
"That il Mt to be wondered at" said she.
81 suspected your little game, having
been caught once before in the same way
so prepared myself for it by dosing your
coffee with tartar emetic. Now let me give
you little advice: Never again let your
rascality get away with your breakfast.
To beat dead-beat beats everything. Ia
ia :" and she shut the door in his face. The
tramp started sorrowfully down the street
wondering, no doubt, where and how ne
could get breakfast that would stay with
him.-1s:ras SJtings.
THE GossIpPING CLUB.-The Secretary
has politely furnished US with few addl'
tional items, in relation to this f1ourishing
institution, which has now an extensive
membership. The following rules were
unanimously adopted, on motion of the Ex'
ecutive Committee, viz:
"Any member of the society who shall be
convicted Of knowing more OF his own Dus,
mess than of another's, shall be expelled
from the society without hearing.
"No member shall sit down 70 his town
table, until he has aseertaine4fo certain
ty, what, his neighbors, within three doors
of each side of the house Shall have to eat
whether they. haye paiFfor the same, if not
"Eyery mewbeYwho shall see two o.
three persons Engaged in conversation, shall
place HIMSELF bgtween them until he has
heard all theSfhave to say, and report the
same accorffgly. ,o
'Every Member who shall see a gentle
man visiting young lady more than twice
shall circulate the news that they are golng
to be married and said members are forth
10 foil
about the gentleman to the lady, and ditto
about the lady to the gentleman. This vii
break up matches and afford much gossip.
That it is the duty of every member, or
hearing piece of scandal" to take 1T uE
at once, and in all honorable ways to give il
circulation, and thus accomplish the great
and glorious purposes of the society,""
SAY AMEN !-Larkin Moore was a hal
crazy, wandering fellow, who used tt
amuse the people in and about NeWbury
port with his eccentricities and music; fol
Larkin had host of old songs, hymns ano
q plaintive voice, to familiar airs, and en-
tertained crowds that would gather around
him. 4
at Taunton Ind Parsop, whitney was ex
ercising hi5 gifts.<~Fhich were few and
small. Hl sev46ns were noted for theil
great lengfb><&d very little depth for theil
want of energy; so that it oftentimes seem
ed as if he would come to the end, If he had
but spirit enough to stand still. Larkir
walked up the aisle and took his seat abou,
midway of the church. He listened longer
than could have been expected of such
restless mind as his, firstly, secondly, third
ly fourthly, so to the seventhly, were sever
ally announced and expatiated on; ana then
exclaimed the minister, "achat shat L sag
mores"
"For merey's sake" cried out Larkin
''say Amen %
"Put that man out" said Mr.. Whitney
but he was so put out himself that ne did moi
resume his discourse.
nBA frontier court being in session, the
judges on the bench and the case of Smith
VS.. Brown being called up
"All ready" shouts the counsel for the
defendant, but counsel for the plaintiff does
not respond. "Who's for the plaintiff"
inquired the Judge, somewhat impatiently
''May't please the court" said a rising
member, "Pipkins is for the plaintiff, but
left him just now over at the old tavern
playing game of poker. He's got the
thing set to a ring in colt, in which case
he will deal for himself four aces and his
opponent four queens, so that your honor
must perceive he will raise persimmons.
The look of impatience vanished from the
face of his honor at once, and an expression
more of sorrow than anger took its place
At length he said with a sigh, "dear me
that's too bad. 1t happens at very un
fortunate time, as am very anxious to ge
on with these cases."
"Bill," said he, "you understand poker
about as we'll as Pipkins. Suppose you &c
over and play his hand"
HE WENT IN.-They were standing a
the front gate.
"Won't you come in the parlor and sit {
little while, George, dear"'
"N-no, guess not, replied George, hest
tatingly.
81 wish you WOULD" the girl went on
'It's awfully lonesome. Mother, has gone
out and father is upstairs groaning will
rheumatism in the legs"
"Both legs?" asked George.
Eyes, both legs"
''Then I'll come in a little while.'
"THAr's DERN'D GooD!-A backwoods
man and his sweetheart, the other day, hap
pened to be in drug store in -, when
party called for and drank soda water
Backwoods didn't know what it was, but M
made up his mind to try it, and after drink
ing glass of the cooling fluid, he turned tt
the lady and remarked
"Sal, that's dern'd good; why don't yol
buy you some p"
~A gentleman in an English town gave
his man-servant some whisky to mix Will
the whiting, in cleansing the windows o
the house. He was surprised that the mar
never dipped the cloth in the whisky, ant
accosting the delinquent sharply as to wha
had become of the spirits, the following re
ply was made: aye see, yer honor, L DRAM
it, but blow my breath on the glass, an(
it's a. the same"
a@ "Doctor," said the grateful patient
selling the physicians hand, 81 shall neve
forget that to you 1 owe my life" "Yol
exaggerate," said the doctor mildly: "yol
ONLY owe me for fifteen visits; that is tn
point which hope you will not fail to re
member"
"What's the price of this axle grease? 2
asked new clerk of grocery dealer
"there is no mark on it," ''It depends OF
your customer. If he asks for axle greas
charge him fifteen cents a pound ana II m
asks for butter make it 3S cents"
s~"Is your wife acquainted with tn
dead languages?" asked the. professor OF
Newman man, "May be she is" was the re
ply, "but the language she uses is entlrel.
20 ,,,or,,, %o boya been dead long"