New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-03-05
WIT AND HuM0R.

After bill is settled you can enjoy
tho rest that follows payin'.
Young Fastboy says that the first girl
he ever waltzed with was all the whirled
to him.
Hard case-The turtles. An unde-
sirable loan-A cyclone. Home-bound
The bed-ridden patient.
Mr.. Cobb recently married Miss
Webb. He knew that they were in
tended for each other as soon as he
spider.
A case is on record where a barber
and his victim were both happy. The
former talked on without interruption,
and the latter was deaf.
There are two things in tho world
which a tramp will not sit down on.
One is a barbed-wire fence, and tho
other is a good healthy hornets nest.
Nothing exasperates q clearinghouse
mistress more than to detect one of her
boarders entering the house about ten
minutes after dinner with an armful of
sandwiches.
They arrested man tho other day
for ''pretending to be q policeman.
He was found guilty on the ground that
no was asleep. That was considered
"pretcnding.''
First greengrocer-"Any mean peo-
pie on your routc?' Second green
grocer-'I should say so; the meanest
set ever run across. Why, three out
of five families keep scales"
"Yes." said the druggist, I'm very
sorry l gave Mr.. Snaggs tho wrong
dose, by mistake, and he died. He's
the second good customer I've robbed
myself of in that way this year."
Little Aggie's sister had invited her
best young man to tea. There was o
lull in the conversation. which was
broken by the inquisitive Aggie: Papa,
is dose fedders ODER Mr.. Wobbinson's
mouf?'
Before young imam can court
Mexican girl he has to tell her parents
on the door-steps of the house what his
prospects in life are. II he says he is d
curve pitcher for champion base ball
club the old folks say Ego in"
A young gentleman, fresh from the
other side, and wearing his knees and
elbows in the letter A style, remarked
in the museum grounds in Central Park:
mo, / don't care to look at the beasts.
They are so beastly, you know"
"The dynamite party!" exclaimed
Mrs. Shoddy, who was reading over
the papers. 'Dear me, Augustus, we'll
have to give one right away before
those Smiths hear of it. wonder
what it's like. oil City Blizzard.
do you know why you and George
remind me of two shades of one colorf'
asked a young lady of companion
who had been engaged for q good many
years NO. was the reply. .I'1l
tell you, then; it's because you don't
match"
Dennis, l understand that your
grandfather is dead" Eyes, sor."
'.Did he leave anythingp' Lave any
thing? An faith he left everything.
What wood ye be thinkin' such an ouid
man could take wild him7''-Arkansa,O
Traveller.
Dear me!' cried Mrs. Blossom. as
she laid down the paper. 1T does seem
to me as if those state militia fellows
are always in trouble. Here's an &C
count of recent inspection whore the
company turned out fifty-three men.
Too bad, amt it2''
1t is stated that . Texas hen sat for
three days on nest full of hailstones
before she discovered that they were
not eggs. The funniest part Of the
story is that she didn't hatch out an
lce-house or two. But perhaps tho
Texas liar was not in good health
Norrist0uD Herald.
Uncle Reuben: Nov, Venus. 70,
know de argument. Yo' cawn't 70 Tor
dat disreptable sukkus an hab dat nav
gown. too. So tex yo' money an hab
70 choice. l 'vises de gown" Aunt
Venus: Wall. Rube, guess dis YER
pie gown'll hev ter drag9le . while
longer. Now. OATS economy, hain't