National Republican., 1884-02-28
ASTONISHING A sNonrR.
Lady Cures a RepreheIsiblo Habit by
the Use OF TaIIow Candle.
Egcbanoe

Exchange
There is a lady In Allegheny, Pa, who has
a recipe for the cure of the dsagreeable habit
of snoring, which she will sell very cheap.
The lady, who is most estimable wife and
mother. is united to quiet, undomonstrativo
gentleman, who, as both husband and father,
can scarce be improved upon. His one fail.
ing, If so harsh n term may be applied to the
misfortune, was that he would snore. For
quite number ofyears his ambiable wife had
borne the inhiction with Christian forti.
tude and equanimity that has characterized
all the acts of her married life, but recently
the gentleman has unaccountably become
possessed of high-tenor snore that would
reach the nerves of cast-iron man and
cause an asthmatic steam exhaust to blush.
Arguments, pleadings, pokes in the tickle.
ribs, back'action kicks, and various other
devices for exercising the unruly sounds that
poured from his open mouth were unaval-
ing. lie himself deeply regretted his unfor-
tunato proclivity, and really tried to conquer
it.
Recently his wife told her troubles to q
lady friend The friend was one of those
good motherly creatures who have cure for
everything-irom a boil on the nose to
hereditary rheumatism. She Immediately
prescribed sure and safe relief for the
snoring. 1t was as simple as it was eflica-
cious, and consisted merely in inserting q
candle into the opened mouth of tho snorer
and tickling his palate with 1t. A candle
was prescribed as the only article that could
be used without injury to the patients teeth,
as he Convulsively closed them or feeling the
tickle. IL was to be used upon the snorer
without his previous knowledge, so that the
shock received would permanently cure him
of his habit as it is q well authenticated fact
that the mind of sleeper actively retains
impressions so obtained.
Without intimating her designs upon him
his wife procured brand new tallow candle,
and, secrcting it under her pillow, awaited
an opportunity for its USE IL was we'll on to
midnight when this occurred. AT about that
ghostly hour her husband, in the pleasant
fantasies of his dreams, rolled over on his
back, and, with q few gentle, preliminary
snorts and puts, commenced his solo. Wider
and wider opened his mouth as the deep, un-
| earthly corrugations of sound issued forth.
At last 1t was stretched to its full extent, and
the roar that came rumbling out notified his
wakeful spouse that the appointed moment
had arrived. Trembling and with thump-
ing heart she seized the candle, and holding
it, swinging like pendulum by the wick end,
she suspended it over the yawning mouth of
the sleeper. The lady's hand shook so with
suppressed excitement that she could scarce
pilot the butt end of the white monolisk be-
tween his teeth, 1t was entered lust as n
tremulouB snore was making its exit.
There was q moments awful silence, and
then the botted.up breath came pealing forth
in such horrible, unearthly manner that his
wife gave little shrek and dropped the
candle, Down plunged half its oleagenous
length into the throat of the innocent sleeper,
fairly plugging up that useful channel of
life. He could not snore, he could not yell,
he could barely breathe. What terrible
thought shot through his sleep-dazed brain
will never be known. His jaws came shut
with o mighty snap, severing the grease of
the candle. and firmly imbedding its wick in
the center between two incisors. There is
was, safe and sound, and firmly fixed. But the
man was not there. With the face of boiled
oyster and the appearance Of bare-limbed
lunatic he was gyrating around tho room, his
arms wildly saving the air, and q great, glis-
tening white thing sticking out of his inflamed
counteDance like pigs tail prematurely
placed. Wash pitcher, bowl, and stand went
over in one dire crash. Chairs, table, and
bed clothes mingled in a sort of household
hail storm. His wife cried murder"
"thieves," and fire" and made vain at
tempts to seize upon the projecting end Of the
thing. He could not speak, he could not
breathe. The only act he could successfully
perform was to dance around like an enraged
lunatic. At last he seized the candle and by
one mighty wrench drew il forth, stripping
the inside half off the wick and leaving his
mouth filed to running over with the broken
tailow.
His wife is no longer annoyed by his
snores. He sleeps on a cot bed in the north
east corner of the third story, up against the
roof, and vows that any woman whose
heart is black enough to attempt the murder
of her husband by strangling him with
candle deserves neither husband nor home
comforts,