News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-09-04
AN IDEAL PASTORAL SKETCH.
The Maid Who Would n Milking Go all In
n Silken Gown.
from Peck's Sun.

From Peck's SUM-
1t has remained for q wealthy gentle
man in Connecticut to assert positively
that "There is nothing like a Jersey
COW and a pea-fowl for the ornamentation
| of a lawn" 1t is now more than likely
;. that in a short time the passer by may
see in nearly every front yard one of
these aristocratic kline quietly ruminat-
ing anent the flower bed, beneath the
umbrageous foliage of a syringa bush,
while the pea-fowl, with its many-hued
| tail spread out like Chinese fan, prom
enades slowly to and fro, ever and anon
lifting its voice in song, which said song,
as is well known, rivals the notes of the
nightingale or the mellihuous calliope.
Aud the daughter of the house-the
petted child of fashion-will trip down
the front steps just before the cleaning,
| clad in picturesque attire, with a four
teen quart medieval milk-pail on her
arm, and the latest ''agony" on her
lower limbs, which the abbreviated gown
does not conceal, but on the contrary
seems to have a sort of lay-low-for. black
ducks appearance. She will approach
the gentle Jersey and call her pet names;
"Iolanthe, you dear, you perfectly
! charming creature, you too utterly
lovely bessie, will you kindly oblige me
by elevating?' And if the COW don't
respond, she will continue, "Hoist,
please, dear p and gently push against
the northeast quarter of the west half
of the southwest section and seat her
self on the hand painted and embroid-
cred milk-stool, on the wrong side of the
COW. And right here it might be well
to ask why custom has decreed that
COWS should be MIXED from the off side.
There seems to be no good reason, and
the milk-maids of Milwaukee should
manipulate from one side as well as de
udder, and set the senseless custom at de-
fiance.
Having got fairly seated. she will take
off her six-button kids, spit on her
hands, and commence extracting the
tactical fluid, and may go through the
operation successfully-if Iolanthe has
a sweet temper and the flies don't bite
to the admiration of the family, visiting
friends, and such gentlemen as have
stopped outside the fence TO gaze on the
charming idyliic scene; but the chances
are that about the time the first tiny
stream Of milk Warranted eighty per
cent. pure creamy strikes the bottom Of
the pail horse-cow-fy will sting
Iolanthe amidships, the pretty tail orna-
mented with knot of gay ribbons will
switch suddenly to the left, and knock
the pampadour hat of the N. m. off.
Undismayed, but a little agitated, she
will pick it up, put it on wrong side be-
fore, and proceed with the operation,
saying: "Oh, you naughty bessie; so,
lolanthe, pet, so, sol Do the horrid
flies bite your delicate cuticle?"
In the excitement of the none n, she
will squeeze too hard, and her eighteen
carat diamond ring will hurt the sensi-
tive animal, who will suddenly elevate
the left posterior limb and knock her
silly, and she will be carried into the
house, and the doctor will be telephoned
for and there will be His Satanic Majesty
to pay generally. The hired man will
finish the job that evening, and unless
the petted child of fortune is a girl of
more than ordinary nerve, she will not
repeat the experiment, but confne
her studies in natural history to pug
dogs, bugs, dudes and similar curiosities