The state journal., 1884-06-14
THE CLOWNS, COLUMN.
The Freshest Current Fun in Sma
rnnNrs-

Chuncks.
N. Y. Graphic: An item in exchange
announces the fact that polo player
was knocked senseless." We thought
that was done in every instance before
they began to play.
Phila Chr0ntcle Drinking too much
caused Kentucky man to lose his speech
but he is still able to make himself intel
ligible to the bar keeper.
Phila. Call: 1t is a singular thing that
old men were relating "reminiscences of
their boyhood days always declares that
the school house was three miles off. ;"
Judging from the most OF their stories
the Sunday school house must be about
hundred miles of.
N. Y. Com. Adu.: Yes" said the
speedy tragedian, sadly Il was born to
play Hamlet, but never got further than
the early village cock, in Richard Ill;
but you should have heard me crow.
Puck: Some philosopher says, 'Put off
nothing till tomorrow. This means,
dearly beloved, that to be happy you
should go to bed in your clothes and dis
robe in the morning
Boston Globe: 'Do you think he is
| attorney with whom he was studying, re-
ferring to client who had just left them
"Well, think-excuse me, don't know
how much money he has" was the re-
| sponse.
Boston transcript: George II. Cor
| liss of Providence has been granted a
| patent for improvements in Crossheads.
| We know nothing that needs improve.
ment more than crossheads, age or sex
| immaterial, and Mr.. Corliss deserves the
thanks of his hardly tried and long suffer
| ing cOuntrymen, women of course being
| included.
N. Y. Tribune: Harold is the five year
| old son OF agnOstic parents, and is unused
to religious ceremonies. A pious uncle
from the country was recently asked at
breakfast to say grace, which he did in
audibly. Harold learned forward and
tried to catch the words, and as soon as
it was over he exclaimed to his uncle,
''Ah, ha, heard you "
Phila CAL "Oh, mama" said little
Paul, when the new baby was shown him
for the first time, "can | wear baby s
dresses when | grow tall enough p
Washington Hatchet Miss Rosebud
who took part in amateur theatricals-
''Oh, I'm so tired had to stand all the
evening" Miss Sharp, who was in the
audience-"My dear, you have not had
to stand nearly as much as we have"
| Carl Pret7e2's Weekly A lady making
pretensiOns to refined feelings to Mosher,
State street butcher demonstrating with
him on his cruel practices Glow, "
said She ''can you been so wicked as
to put dhem leedle Sleeps und innosdent
leedle lambees to death2'' ''Vell you
wouldn't eat dem all ub aliIe, aind it -
said Mosher.
Burlington Hdaokeyo: A wise man says
'the most powerful kings in the world
are wor- king and thin king" Bless your
simple heart, man, old four kings will
knock the pair of them out so quick
they'll wonder what they ever staid in
for
Arkansaw 1raoeller No man amt so
great airter we once knows HIM. De
| bull. fraug bellers de loudes' when yer
kahn see him. Il allus feels sorry fur
de young feller whut is smart belo' his
time. De flowers what blooms dc sOnes'
is de soones' ter die.
Cine, Sat. Night She was admiring
herself and S25 bonnet. ''Do you think
it becoming, dear?" she asked of her
young husband. eyes, | do, was his
response Il think it is becoming very
decidedly dear"
Haud'me down my Summer dustcr,
| Bring me out the biggest FAM
Let that julip be "buster,"
Chuck in all the ice you can.
| Take away my big bicycle,
Put me in a frozen hole;
| Tickle me with an lcicle
Bigger than the Old NoEth, Pcs 96a,-no,
Said Hendricks, in terror 81 find
| My support not at all to my mind.
To The White House I'd steer,
| But I'd rather, my dear,
| Be sitting before than behind.'
Life
N. Y. Graphic The question which
agitates the fashionable housewife at
present is not so much 'Where shall we
go this summer p as it is "Where shall
we make the neighbors think we have
gomez
Texas Siftings The son of an Austin
merchant has recently returned from
his studies at a New York business col
lege. A friend of the merchant was ask
! ing the old man if the boy had improved
his opportunity. 81 should say that he
had. He can initiate anybody's hand
writing, and he is so expert at figures
that | am afraid to let him touch the
books.
The fashions in bonnets are constantly
In style and material, texture and hue,
| And somebody's fancy is ever wide ranging,
Invention, of course, some atrocity new.
| Some styles are quite hateful and others
delightful;
In broad -brimmed and narrow -brimmed,
round topped and flat,
! But the latest invention is certainly fright
The conical. sugarloaf, sixstory hat.
-SomeruiHe Journal.
Whitehall Times A Whitehall woman
about to boil an egg for her husbands s
breakfast, asked the loan Of his watch to
time the boiling "Your watch has
stopped, she cried 'FThe egg is in, and
/ can't tell how long it ought to remain
in the kettle" The husband fastened to
the stove and was horror struck to find
that the good woman had dropped his
elegant gold watch into the kettle and
was holding the egg to her ear.
LOVE ILLUSTRATED.
| A young Alexandria miss
| Was asked by her beau for kiss.
| Demurely cOntented,
She sWeetly aSsented,
| And their lips looked exactly like this
| Washington Hatchet.
But her pa interrupted the bliss,
! And said, "WhO's this young fellow, sis -
| And without more ado
The young fellow flew,
| And his eyes looked exactly like this 4:
| -RpansUiHe Argus.
/