The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-03-06

diiiS atoI. 1udb CITY Is loo HedF TeOT4d,
Ill.
Some deadly enemy of St. Louis has
published that in her courts the first
question opposing council ask each
other is ''are you armedP"-Cktcago
Eye.
Texas citizens wear their hats over
their ears. How do you suppose they
would look if they wore them under
their earsP
A society young lady told her Hitter
ate, but wealthy, lover that she was
going to give a german, and he said
he'd be sure to come, as he was very
fond of beer.
A decline in the price of copper is
noted, but the small boy should not re-
pine thereat. His mothers copper
kettle will still sell for the price of a
circus ticket.
Civilization On her luminous wings
scars in the direction of Reno, Nev.,"
says the Sacramento Bee. 1.-The squaws
in that vicinity have taken to using
face powder"
81 will accept anything else in politics
as necessity, but save me from post
office fight in small town." exclaims
a Congressman. "They surpass earth
quakes and cyclones.
Somebody asked the four-year-old
son of one of our citizens what he
would do if his father died. Why"
said the youngster, "rd wear my new
boots to the funeralr'
SIS it wrong to cheat lawyer?" vas
recently very ably discussed by the
members of a debating society. The
conclusion arrived at was, that it was
not wrong but impossible.
The man who sprinkles his icy side
walk, in order to prevent pedestrians
from falling, is sure of heavenly
from his ashes.-B0ston Budget.
A Wyoming man recently blew out
his brains because he had the rheuma-
tism. If he thought that his rheuma-'
tism was caused by too much brains he
must have been badly mistaken.
John Bright, the noted Englishman,
smokes a good deal and drinks whisky
occasionally. That story about Bright's
disease must be nothing but political
platform, invented by an enemy.
Il do wish you would come home
earlier" said a woman to her usband;
81 am afraid to stay alone. 1 always
imagine there's something in the house,
but when you come l know there amt.
I'm all wool and yard wide!"
shouted COW boy as he gave his SOM
brero IN extra side hitch, and looked
for foe. That may be-" replied an
lndaunted female. "but you don't
wash.
Mary" said a landlady to her green
hired girl, twas the boarder on the
third floor inebriated when he came in
last night?" mo, mum; he was so
drunk he couldn't get up stairs, and l
let him sleep in the back hall"
A far Northwest debating society.
having organized itself into the form
of a court, has rendered verdict that
Cain was temporarily insane and ire
sponsible when he slew Abel, thus re-
versing the opinion of the Supreme
Court.
Why is the tramp like servant girl?
Because he lives out by the month.
Any minstrel show or circus desiring
jokes like the above should send in
their orders Immediately, as we are
just clearing out our fall stock at
great sacrifice.
If your wife faints do not spoil her
dress by dashing pitcher of water
over her. Loudly kiss the back of
your hand. She will Immediately re-
vive, and want to know whom you
were kissing. Do not tell her, and she
will not faint any more.
1t is all well enough to advise a man
to keep his hands out of his pockets;
but how in the world is man going
to do it if he has a wife who wants a
new bonnet and silk dress every week,
to say nothing of caramels, ice-cream,
and box at the opera?
An exchange asks: "Has anybody
really found the comet with the naked
eyeP" This is the first intimation we
have had that comet, with a naked
eye, has been lost. 1t must be great
curiosity, and it is hoped it will be
found.-Nor7iStOaO Herald.
''Do you know why am like the new
bridge at Niagara?" asked young Blif-
kins of pretty Miss Smithers. He ex-
pected her to give it up, and then he
would have rung in pun on cant-i-
lever, but she replied: at must be be-
cause you are without visible means of
support. :"
A young lady recently received
note from a young man of her ac-
quaintance, soliciting her ompany for
church, and, as he had neeer offered
to take her anywhere else she accepted
his kind offer and closed the note with
the solemn declaration that salvation
was free"
Didn't you tell me, sir, you could
hold the plow?' said farmer to an
Irishman whom he had taken on trial.
'.Arrah, be aisy, now" said Pat, show
could hold it and two horses DRAWN
it away from me? But give it me in
the barn, and, be jabers, I'll hould it
with anybody"
81 had hardly entered the ROOM"
said he. with a tremendous voice,
''when mist suddenly gathered before
my eyes. l was unable to see an inch
in front of me. / heard the murmur
of voices, and them" "You faint
ed" quickly put in his friend. mo; /
wiped the frost off my glasses"
You make me think of Ole Bull, "
remarked Mrs Softanswer, as the
violinist concluded most perspiring
rendition of De Beriot's seventh air.
Yes" replied the delighted artist,
.sand in uh of raSpactoS stHa uas tho
best fiddler / ever heard" said Mrs.
Softanswer, land you are the worst. .
Mrs. Thomas Bailey Aldrich, wife of
the author, is described as one of the
most picturesque women in Boston by
one of the papers of that city.