Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-05-19

When farmer gets hold Of new plow
he is apt ''to run the thing into the
ground"
Chinese BARRIERS shave without lather.
This reminds us that our old schoolmas-
ter used to lather without shaving.
Some people bang door, while other
people adore bang. We make ita point
to let nothing escape our observation.
A sewing machine agent was recently
attacked by fierce catamount, near Mil
ford. The only way the animal avoided
buying machine was by climbing large
tree.
How woman always does up a news
paper she sends to a friend, so that it
looks like well-stuffed pillow, is some
thing that no man is woman enough to
understand.
''Is this a singing doll?" asked she of
the clerk. Eyes, mademoiselle." 'How
do you make it sing?" "Just as you would
any other young lady" ''How is that?"
"By pressing it," "O!"
1t may not be generally known, but the
| fact is nevertheless true, that the man
who will beat carpet in the back yard is
greater than he who stays down town un.
til midnight talking politics.
''No, SIR" said the worldly young man
| to the life insurance agent; ~ don't fee
prepared to have my life insured just yet
l do not care to feel that would be worth
more dead than l am alive"
81 want Chaucer," said a customer tc
Anew York clerk in book store, after
looking over the lists Of English poets
''Fine cut or plug?" inquired the young
man, putting his hand in his pocket.
A gentleman was examining an umbrel
la, and commenting upon its fine quality
eyes" said person present: 'sHe fan
cies everything he Sees" "And," addel
a third party, ''he is inclined to seize ev
erything he fancies."
'FWhat kind of a sauce will you hav
with your steak?" asked the waiter of
diner in a restaurant where condiments
were served with the orders. eff tn
steak is as tough as yesterdays send in
couple of circular saws
A minister suddenly stopped in hi
sermon and sung hymn. eff the mem
bers of the choir are to do the talking
they certainly will permit me to do tn
singing" And then things in the neigh
borbood Of the organ become more quie
A lecture on the ''Ten Commandments
was recently delivered in a western towr
and the local paper spoke Of it as move
and brilliantly original code of moral:
which will be likely TO make a stir in tn
world when it becomes more widel
known.
new poetess from the west remarks
eff love you give no more I'll ask" Whe
this pOetess has little more experient
she will learn that there are times when
single cold potato possesses more intri
sic worth than whole moonlight evenir
full of love.
Brooklyn youth, who rushed in
matrimony on Sc a week, and was arres
ed for failing to support his wife, sa
that he was led to the experiment fro
seeing in penny paper an account
how cheaply loving couple could liy
Moral-Beware of these penny papers.
eyes" said she, 'sMary came near /
ing an old maid. You see, her father W
governor, her brother colonel, and
brother-in-law a scientist of note. Bel
of such distinguished family she had
be very particular whom she married, a
she came billing near not getting anybod,
Fred he sed l smoked liked an old he
and I made up my mind to stick it out b
before the cigar was haff finisht &C
SWEET broke out on my forehead and
stumok got sort of uneesy and then t
furniture begun to climb up on the ce
ing and the doors swopt places with [
windows and l remember seeing Fred
ting at table up over the mantel pie
and the nextime the table came round
grabd it and laid my he'd down on it a
,g waited for deth 1 usto be afraid to
but wasn't afraid to die then
Why be Downcast?-True you are in a mis-,
BILE conGition-you weak, paid, and nerve
You cannot sleep at night, nor enjoy your wax
IL hours; yet, why lose heart? Get at the druggi
bottle of Burdock Blood Bitters. They will