The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1884-02-09
Paragraph Fiend.
The "las," fraud-A cheap boot.

my business is picking up" says the rag
gatherer,
All woman are good-Good for some.
thing or good for nothing.
Perhaps the sausage Is the connecting
Illnk-between man and dog.
Amateur poetry Is used TO break up social
gatherings early in Omaha.
1t Is one ct the curious ways OF the
world that a male hairdresser often dyes an
old maid.
1t Is said that the peculiar sunsets are
caused by the sun trying to set by the new
standard time
A Burning ,On mother has miraculously
cured her youngest hopeful of smoking by
the laying on of hands.
A Vermont man has lost goose that
was said to be 100 years old. 1t has prob
ably gone to JOIN the Michiganders.
The Hartford Post cries out aloud and
says: "Let the melodeon sQueakw Let 1t?
Should like to see you prevent it!
One would reasonably suppose that 1t
would be difficult to collect bill from al
leather merchant when he buys leather
and hides.
1T ls curious TACT" says some ento-
molopist, that it is the female mosqnitOI
which tormpnts U.S." A bachelor thinks
that 1t Is not at all curious,
"And 50 your husband lost his leg.
Isn't it awtulf" Wlfe-"You may well
say it. And it was only last week that he
bought a new pair Of boots-a pair, Mrs.
Brown"
A Vermont man who went to neigh
bofs barn 10 steal COW was disguised to
find, when he got the animal home, that it
was his own COW, which his neighbor had
stolen earlier in the evening. He says his
nelghbor is a coniounded thief.
A Bridgeport young man asked the lady
of his affections the other evening how she
liked the looks of his new style standing
collar. After critically surveying him and
the collar she replied: Every nice, indeed.
It looks like a whitewashed fence around a
lunatic asylum"
Mary had little sleigh
With runners smooth and slick;
She went to coast a little while
\ Down near the frozen creek.
She started swiftly down the hill;
One runner struck stump,
She wears bandage on one arm
And on her head lump.
A Philadelphia man stopped using gas
and bought lamps instead. The very first
night a lamp was upset by the cat and the
house burned down Moral-Don't keep
cats-PAih,de,phia CaU
Talmage has gone to lecturlng on jourr-
alism. 1t beats all now these lecturers
will persist in selecting subjects they KIN W
: nothing about. Next Talmage will be
talking religion, says the Philadelphia
!, CAL,
Mamma "a widow OF considerable per-
sonnl attractions)-"l want to tell you
something, Tommy. You saw that gentle.
, man talking to grandmamma in the other
room. We'll, he's gong to be your new
papa. Mammals gong to marry him. y
Tommy (who recolects something OF the
life his old papa used to lead)-"D-d-does
he know it yet, mamma"
There lis an honest landlord down in AL
ALBANIA. This Is the card he publishes in
the local paper:
> KlTTRELL HOUSE,
! The only second class hotel in the world,
BY P. j. SMITH,
The Meanest Man in America.
GADsDEN, ALA
! ANA Bell, aged seventeen, walked into
the Merrimack Savings Bank in Manches.
., ter, n. H., and desired to inspect the IN.
+ stltutlOn. As she was unattended eX-GOv.
=. Smyth, the treasurer, became her escort,
and showed her everything, even to the
complicated locks on the massive doors OF
the safe. Then she expressed her approx
al. and SAID that as her father had deposited
So for her she had had the curiosity to see
for herself whether it was safe; and she
went away with face beaming with salts,
faction.
i Gentlemen" said the professor to his
4 nedIcal students assembled IN cline "I