The Brookhaven leader., 1884-01-03
Bill Nye's Letter Of Resignation.

Office at Laramie City, Wy. T.:
To TIE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES: SIR beg leave at this time
to officially tender my resignation as
Postmaster at this place, and in due
form to deliver the great seal and the
key to the front door of the office. The
safe combination is set on the numbers
33, 66 and 80, though do not remem-
ber at this moment which comes first or
how many times you revolve the knob,
or which direction yCu should turn 1t at
| first in order to make it operate.
There is some mining stock in my
private drawer in the safe, which have
not vet removed. The stock you may
have, if you desire it. 1t is q luxury,
but YOU may have it. ! have decided
| to keep q horse instead of this mining
stock. The horse may not be so p. city,
but it will cost less TO keep him.
You will find the postal ca DIS that
have not been used under the dist ibut
| inc table, and the coal down in the cell
la. If the stove draws too hard close
the damper in the pipe and shut the gen
al delivery window.
Looking over my stormy and erentful
| administration as PostmaSter he q, l
find abundant cause for thanksgiving.
| At the time cnte ell upon the duties of
my office the depa tment was not yet
on paying basis. Ii was not even self
sustaining. Since that time, with the
active co-Opelat on of the Chief EXecu
! tive and the heads of the depa tment, |
| have been able to make our postal svs-
TEN paying one, and on top of that |
am now able to reduce the tariff on
ave aged-sizcd lctte ON the cents
to two. might add that this is rather
too too. but | will not say anything that
might seem undignitied in an Official
res gnation which is to become a matter
| of history.
Though all the vicsSitudes of tenn
| pestuous tie M of office | have safely
| passed. | am abe to tn n over the Of
lice to-day in highly imp owed condi-
| ton, and to pf csent a pu flied and rem
oyated institution to my successor.
Acting undcl' the adj ice of General
Hatton wear ago, | removed the
feather bed with which my p edecessor
| Deacon Hayford had bolste ed up his
adm MIST alton BY stutlng the window,
and substituted glass Finding nothing
in the book of inst uctions to postmas-
ters which made the feathe bed a part
of my official duties. filed il away in
an obscure place and bu med it in ctfigy,
also. in the cleaning. This act mad
dened my p edecessor to such deg ce
that he then and the e became candi-
date fOr Justice of the peace on the Iem-
c"atic ticket The democratic patty
was able, howeve", with what aid ii Sc
cured ON the Republicans, to plow the
old man under to giCa deg ee.
1t was not long after had taken my.
official oath before an era Of uneX-
ampled prosperity opened for the
American people. The pr,ce of beef
rose to n remarkable altitude, and other
vegetables commanded a good figure
| to make active preparations for the in
| PRODUCTION of the strawberry, roam two
cent stamps, and the black-and-tan
postal note. One reform has crowded
upon the heels of another until the
country is to-day upon the foam-creSted
wave of permanent prosperity.
MIR. President, | can not close this
letter without thanking yourself and the
heads of departments at Washington
for your act We, CHEEKY and prompt CO.
operation in these matters. You can
do as YOU see fit, of course, about in
cooperating this idea into Your Thanks
giving proclamat on, but rest assured it
would not be ill-timed or inopportune.
1t is not alone a credit to myself. tire
fleets credit upon the Administration
also.
need not say that | herewith trans
nit my resignation with great sorrow
and genuine regret. We have toiled on
together month after month asking for
no reward except the innate conscious
ness of rectitudc and the salary as fixed
by law. Now we are to separa e. Here
the roads seem to fork, as it were, and
you and and the Cabinet must leave
each other at this point.
You will find the key under the door
mat, and YOU had better turn the cat
out at night when you close the Office.
If she does not go readily You can make
it clearer to her mind by throwing the
canceling stamp at her.
If Deacon Hayford does not pay up
his box rent. you might as we'll put his
mail in the general delivery, and when
Bob Head gets dunk and insists on a
letter from one of his wives every day
in the week, you can salute him through
the box delivery with an old Queen
Anne tomakawk which you will find
near the Etruscan water-pail. This will
not in any manner surprise either of
these parties.
Tears are unavaiing. / once more
become private citizen, clothed only
with the right to read such postal cards
as may be addressed to me personally,
and to curse the inelliciency of the Post
office Department. may he in error
as to the attributes of an American citi-
zen, but | believe the above to be the
most prominent. / believe the voting
class to lie divided into two parties, viz:
Those who are in the postal service and
those who are mad because they can not
receive registered letter every fifteen
minutes of each day, including Sunday.
Mr.. President, as an of1i cial of this
Government l now retire. My term OF
Office would not expire until 1886. !
must therefore beg pardon for my &C.
centricity in resigning. 1t will be best.
perhaps. to keep the heart breaking
news from the ears of European pow
ers until the dangers OF financial panic
are fully past. Then hurl it broadcast
with sickening thud. Very respect
ully yours, BILL NYE.
In 1877. while boarding at the st.
Cloud Hotel, New York, General Han
| cocks wife's and dauUhter lost their