The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1884-02-08
VOL. XXIX---NO. 6.
VARIETIES.

Some people never lay by anything for a
rainy day. They can't even keep an UNI
brella.
-Confucus wasn't far out of the way
when he said, woman is the masterpiece"
Confucius must have been married
The great English philosopher was Ba.
con; one of the finest Scotch poets, Hogg;
and one of the pleasantest British essayists,
Lamb
Small Boy-"Ma, what's bigamy? ?" Lit
tie Sistcr-"Didn't you never hear abont
Brigham Young, that had twenty wives?
That's bigamy."
BE gentle in the family. Oh, ALWAYS be
gentle. Above all make the boys be gentle
II we had family of boys we should compel
them to be gentle, if we had to wear out
every barrel stave in the shed.
lis you gwine to get an overcoat this
winter p asked darkey of companion.
"Well, dunno how OATS gwine to be-" was
lhe reply; Use done got my eye ON coat,
nut de fellah dat owns it keeps his eye on it
too"
why is Il nomination to public office
SO often called an empty honor, father ?"
asked boy of an old politician. Because,
my son. was the solemn reply, lit rarely
falls to empty the pockets of the victim of
the nomination.
A boy home from school, after paying
his usual holiday visit to the dentist, thus
described how he had tooth drawn: THE
dentist collared me, we pulled like wild
horses, and just before my head came off the
tooth dropped out"
WHY, I'd like to know" said lady
once to distinguished Judge, cant a
woman become successful lawyer ?" ut
al nj
giving her opinion without any pay" an
swered the judge.
standard Time.-"Ielo, Jones, what
time is itT' asked Fort Wayne man of
another yesterday
Its just time that you paid the So you
owe me-"
ut is? indeed, didn't think it was so late
as that"
Old Tightaswax eagerly accepted young
Stingycuss' proposal TO wed his daughter be-
cause 1t was made on Il one cent postal instead
OF in two cent letter. lie said q Young
man who looked after the pennies as close as
that would be sure to accumulate the pounds,
if he hadn't 'em already.
Mamma" asked fiveye old as he turn
ed from church on Sunday morning, twas
Paul doctorY mo, my SON." she replied.
"Why do you ask ?" cause the mini tcr
said he told man to take little wine for
his stomachs ache, and that's what pa says
his doctor tells him to take whisky for"
--Cornelia, when Il very little girl, created
good deal OF merrimcnt mt the table when
out one evening taking tea with friends
"Cornelia, DEAR" said her kind hostess,
won't you have slice of cake or something
more ?" "Yesm, think WILL" said Cor
neia, frankly, "if somebody will please un.
hook my dress"
AT legal investigation of q liquor seiz-
ure the judge asked an unwilling witness,
What was in the barrel that you had ?"
The reply was, "Well, your honor, it was
marked whisky on one end of the barrel and
Pat Duffy on the other, so can't say wheth-
er it was whisky or Pat Duffy in the barrel,
being as am on my oath"
Toward tho close of summer IN New
York State the minister passed one of his
people cleaning corn. 30, Mr.. Johnson"
said he, "a fine dry day for corn" Eyes, par
son but death on the wheat" Next day it
was raining, and the minister drove by
splendid day for wheat, Mr.. Johnson" "Ah,
yes" with groan, "but death on the corn p
-"No," said a man who applied for pen
sion, 81 must acknowledge that | was never
in the army, but once fell of a post and rail
fence and broke my leg while watching
militia company drill. 1t seems to me, 4
man who watches military company drill
for an hour, to say nothing about breaking
his leg, ought to have some compensation
from his country"