Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-02-18


Young lady: "I'm engaged to be mar
ried in week. Would you still write
Miss before your manner" Yes; there is a
possibility that you may, you know.
Did it ever occur to you how ashamed
pug dog must be of himself when he
has to be seen in company with woman
who is fool enough to lug him about?
A woman doesn't consistently use pro-
fame language, but the way she says
''gracious !" when she slips down is full
of subtle meaning and inherent force.
An exchange says that Noah was the
first pitcher on record. He ''pitched the
ark within and without" The game
was finally called on account of the rain.
A poet hath remarked that ''All paths
lead to the grave" He undoubtedly re-
| ferred to allopaths and homepaths and
| hydropaths and the rest of the NJ. D.
paths.
De gigglin' girl ginerally turns out tC
be de woman what doan laugh much, an
lemme tell yer, marriage an a lot o. chill
lun will take de chuckle outen de mos
o. 'em.
| Donnelly, the millionaire California
cattle dealer, who died last week, was
getting ready to start newspaper tc
push him in politics. He was mighty
lucky to die when he did.
In summer a bee seldom lives more
than forty-fve days. But if it is good
industrious bee it can extract lots of hon
eyed expressions from the pious grange
inside of forty-five days.
''Is talk dying out?" asks a magazine
writer The writer should listen to tn,
conversation of three or four girls wht
have met for the first time since the,
attended an evening sociable.
The backbone Of winter is broken. w,
have this upon the authority of severa
well known liars. Therefore it can b.
depended upon. Now is the time to la.
in a new stock of coal and overcoats.
A man very much Intoxicated was tax
en- to the station. "Why did you no
bail him out?" inquired bystander of
friend. ''Bale him out!' exclaimed tn
other, 'Why, you couldn't pump hin
out!''
A Georgia clergyman was lately pal,
thirty-fve cents in coppers for perform
ing a marriage ceremony. Divorces ar
so common nowadays that man canno
afford to pay high for cement that won
stick.
The a o'clock scheme is going to be
perfect bonanza for the man who come
home before daylight and tries to un
lock the front door with doughnut. Hi
wife won't be able to tell whether it is to
morrow or the day before yesterday.
EXactness may sometimes be carried t.
excess. We fancy it was SO in a recen
case, where disconsolate widOwe
wrote to announce the death of his wifi
thus: "Her wearied spirit sank to res
at twenty minutes to three-railroat
time"
An analysis of the humble end of
humble bee by profound German scien
tist shows that the venom consists of on
part cerum, 2.3 parts formic acid, sever
parts albumcn and the balance Of some
thing which has a temperature Of abou
100000 in the shade.
Little Johnnie and Mary were sittin
on an ottoman in rather close quarters
Both realized the crowded situation o
affairs, and it was finally righted b.
Johnnie, who said: ''Mary, there woul'
be more room for me on this otterman
one of us was to get off,
A doctor obligated himself to cure
mans wife, but failed. You said yo
would cure her." exclaimed the indignan
husband. eyes, I said So" s'Well VIII
didn't you?" 'sWhy my dear sir, becaus
she died. If she hadn't died the chance
are that she would have lived"
A young man who had been assiste
away from the home of girl whose sc
ciety he yearned for. wrote next day t
the cruel parents as follows: s'I did nc
mind what you said to me, though you
language was pretty rough, but whe
you kicked me with No. IL boot yo
hurt my feelings. I shall make no fu
ther effort to win your daughter. If 81
inherits your style of feet, and any
your versatility in the use of them, l fe
that could not be entirely happy wit