Morning journal and courier., 1884-10-18
WOODEN,

Before the wedding -Wooed and won Five years after-Wooden one.-New YorI Journal.
 ''See here, I'd like to know when you art going to pay me that bill you owe me. I've run as long as I propose to-" 'FWeH, let the bill run a little while now.'
 ''Puns are the brick-bats which the giant Fun hurls at the tomcats of despondcncy which infest the. woodsheds of mundane exis tence. Washington Hatchet.
 ''Why do you wear your beard mutton chops?" was asked a commercial traveller by 8 friend. Because was the philosophical answer, ''in the first place it hides my cheek and in the second place it gives my chin full play Unidentified.
 ''Hallo!' said policeman, ''what are you sitting out here in the cold for? Why don't you go in the house? Have you lost the key?" ''No," responded the disconsolate citizen; ''I-hic-haven't lost the key. Pve -hic-lost the keyhole. Burlington Free Press.
 When Mrs. Lockwood was questioned aboht her cabinet, she replied that she should have some of that lovely brown Derby, a few pieces of royal Worcester some Japanese bric-a-brac and some pretty bronzes in t, if Congress would pay for it. Boston Bulletin.
 A man was recently up in court on charge of abducting leather strap with 8 horse on one end of it. ''Tel1 the truth, " he said, with an air of bravado, to the princi- pal witness for the commonwealth The wit ness told the truth, and the man was elected for four years-solitary confinement Nor ristown Herald.
 Two men in Watson county own farms on opposite sides of a public road On one side, nailed to tree, is a board with the fol lowing inscription, to wit: "All persons are warned not to hunt or fish, or otherwise tres pass on these premises Any person violat- ing this notice will be prosecuted to the ex- tent of the law.' Just across the road, on the opposite side, is another board with this writing upon it, namely: "Come on, boys; let's go huntin'. ."-Atlanta Constitution.
 Bride-"Oh, am so sorry you were un- able to get to my wedding. It was grand. 5
 Caller-'fSo heard, and the papers said the bride looked lovely"
 ere he! did not see any of the notices; my dress was just glorious, anyhow. must show it to you. What else did they saygr
 "Your husband, they said, looked very noble and handsome, in fact they added:
 F'The groom, indeedi He never was a groom in his life. He was a frst-class, high toned coachman, I'd have them know. g. Philadelphia Call.
 PLANT OF THE RESTAURANT PIE Ou, once on a tune was Fresh and luscious.
 And many looked on me with longing eye; Now am fly blown and old and wrinkfed- Alaekl and alasi for the restaurant pie Doughnuts and cookies they lie stiffiy round me- And turn overs holding their proud heads higfl And yet have seen them rolled out and moulded For am an old, old restaurant pie. Say, what does it profit, this lonely grandeur,
 Would that could weep, but I'm tough and dry; Oh, If I'd younger and tender cream-cake
 To take to the heart of the restaurant pie. To-
 Yet never again will fret or sigh, And all men shall treInble as they approach me- . Eor feaTsome thing is the restaurant pie. Myriads of pots of beans have beheld me. Ana laughed in disdain as they passed me by; Where are they? Ask of the vanished snowhakes, But not of the lonely restaurant pie Oh, plates of hash and all conouering beefsteaks Chowders and Stews, to ye all cry,
 Thi an oown , ana worship your queen and ruler,
 -Somerville Journal.