The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-01-03
HUMOR.

BILL-STICKFR: Mosquitoes
A BIER wagon: The hearse.
A TILE club: The hatters' union.
A LARDY-DAH: The porcinc quadru-
ped.
A FALL SCOT: The contents of a stove
pipe.
A SHANGHAI rooster: The Chinese
tramp.
A CLEAR case of walk-over: A foot
bridge.
A BLUNT question: Will you sharpen
this knife?
The tramp is still securing this coun-
try. 1t is the only thing he does scour.
-ErchdnGe.
ENGLAND is the mistress of the seas,
but the numerous forests of this coun-
try leave America mistress of the saws.
"THAT's the second fit our cat has
had to-day" said IN observant young
ster. Don't keep record Of such
:hings," remarked his smart sister.
ITO count her fit is crime"
A CONNECTICUT woman has written
to the Emperor of Brazil and asked him
if he won't please emancipate the slaves
of that country. He will probably do
SO to oblige her.
AN agricultural paper says: TO keep
flies from horses, brush them lightly
with brush that has been lately used
in petroleum. Bosh! You brush a fly
with a single or anything that comes
handy, and he'll 60 away.
SAID Tawmus to Byrnesmonkey:
Don't you envy me?" And the sarcas-
tic Byrnesmonkey replied: "Tawmus,
if you had brains, / should envy you"
And the gentle Tawmus retorted: You
would have very good reason TO.
81 UNDERSTOOD you to say that your
charge for services would be light"
complained the client, when his lawyer
handed him tremendous bill. Il be-
lieve said my bill would be nominal
but" "Oh, l see," interrupted the
client, phenomenal" --CincinnaH Sat
auday Night.
A PITTSBURGH preacher chose this
text from Isaiah: "For the bed is
shorter than that man can stretch
himself on it, and the covering mar
rover than that he can wrap himself
in" Every member of the congrega-
ton was certain he was going to hear a
denunciation of life at crowded hotel,
but he didn't.-Pittsb,lrgh Telegraph.
A GENTLEMAN who was blessed with
a musical son-in-law, on seeing an item
TO the effect that "the musician, like the
cook, makes his bread out of do, re-
marked; THAT may be so in some cases,
but in my case the musician makes his
bread out of me. "-DrGke's Travellers
Magazine.
A SMART "Aleck" on the West Side
bet So that he could put billiard ball
in his mouth. So far the Doctors eff
forts have been TO no effect, and it is
thought that the only way that the bail
can be gotten out is to drill hole in il
and fill it with powder and fuse, and
blast it out; and then there are doubts
whether the patient can stand the op
Grafton, as he is very weak, not having
eaten anything for seven days Carl
PretzePS Weekly.
A LITTLE Clifton girl went out TO walk
with her aunt and Mr.. Brown, who was
playing the devoted to the aunt. When
she came back she rushed ND to her
iuOllltI dut tAClhllllcl. Ou,
what do you think? dropped my pet
ticoat while L was walking with Mr..
Brown and auntie." "Good heavens,
child, weren't you terribly embar-
rassed?" "No, ma'am.' What did You
do?" Il just looked at it and said to
Mr. Brown, wy, Mr.. Brown, you've
lost your handkerchief and, mamma,
you ought to seen him blush, and so did
aunt;e "-Merchdnt Traveller.
PHILADELPHIAN-"Well, how do you
like the West?" Long Absent One
ooh, it's grand place; glorious eli
mate, magnificent country. Everybody
should go there" "But why, then, did
you come back" well, you see, I
got little homesick and wanted to see
my old friends" "Ah! Just back on
visit then? Come around-we1l be
glad to see you--am in hurry now
going to an intelligence Office to see
about getting a doortender" A door
tender?' Eyes; a boy to sit in the
hallway, keep ont peddlers, ETC., and
bring in the cards of men who really
have business with me-" How much
a week." about 81" "Tll take it.
You see / walked back from Frisco.
and place like that, where / can sit
down and rest myself, will come
handy. "-Philddelphia CAL.