Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1884-06-20
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Short meater-A dishonest butcher.
Men who hate long sentences-Crim-
inals.
Straw hats show which way the wind
blows.
Do they ever bury a dead calm p.
Derrick
Butter is so cheap that the poorest
people can make spread with it.-Pic-
GyIne.
The hand that rocks a cradle is the
hand that can't stone hen with any sue
cess.-NeaO York Journal.
Carlyle says: 'Laughter means SYM
pathy.n This will bring comfort to the
man who has inadvertently trodden on o
banana peel.-Bo8tOn Post.
"Trust men and they will trust you,A
said Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Trust
men and they will bust you," says an or
dinary, everyday business man.-Satur-
4ay Might.
An exchange says that the famous
monkey of the Jardin deS Plantes has
"joined the great majority of Monkeys. )"
Become ''dude," we presume.-Neao
York Graphic.
"The female giraffe" says the Bis.
marck Tribune, "has tongue seventeen
inches long, but she can't talk" Now
we know why giraffe wears such sad
and subdued expression.
HOW oLEo IS MADE.
"My name is oleomargarine,
I'm mighty nice to handle;
And when they want to make me
They milk tallow CANDLE
-Merchant- Traveller.
granddaughters. When the old lady and
her granddaughters get on street car
good many loyal Britons have to hang on
70 the straps -Courjer-J Journal,
A Vermont woman, who was thrown
out of runaway team, was found in an
apple tree uninjured. This is the first
time woman was ever known to climb
tree under the influence of fright
Burlington Free Press.
THE APPLES GREEN.
The small boy looks with longing eyes
Upon the apples green
He will not touch them if he's wise,
FOR lurking dU Une core UleT0 lies
Coles and cramps unseen.
Chicago Sum-
care you having much practice nowW
asked an old judge of young lawyer.
eyes, sir, good deal, thank you" "Ah,
I'm glad to hear it. In what line is your
practice particularlYW "Well, sir, par
ticularly in economy"
'Did the lion and the lamb ever lis
down together2" asked young hopeful
who had just returned from Sunday
school. eye, my son." answered the
father; "but the lamb was out of sight. "
The boy was satisfied. .-Pecb'S Sun.
ABOUT THE SIZE OF IT.
There's street in New York known as Wall,
Far famous for wind and for gall,
Where men who go in
Intending to win
Come out with just nothing at all.
Louisville C0urieT-Jou711al.
A fashion item says: "Tanned kids are
coming in fashion again" 1t will be
harder than ever now to coax boys to go
to school. "Tanned kids" went out of
fashion when the old style pedagoguo
stepped down and out with his rattan. =
Nowisto0n Herald.
''Look here. This piece of meat don't
suit me. It's from the back of the ami
malls neck" said an Austin man to a
German butcher. ''DIine fren', all dot
beef vat l sells is back of dot neck.
Dere vos nodding but horn in front of dot
Neck.-TeaS SDtings.
"Ah!n exclaimed an old miner who
went up in the air on the wing of a
prematurely discharged blast, "this makes
me feel homesick." elbow SOL" gasped
his companion, who involuntarily ac-
companied him. because it's the big
gest blowing.u I've had since left my
wife in the States. ."-NeeC York journal.
1t is said that just before Hindoo
woman dies COW is brought in that she
may take hold of its tail as her life passes
away. Anybody who has been yanked
over a two-acre lot of newly -plowed
land, deathlessly gripping the tail of an
impulsive COW, can understand how the
heather rite is supposed to typify the
longing of a person to die.-Rocktand
| Courier.
Milk, in the manufactured ice cream,
| is first boiled and afterward partially
congealed. In the boiling lacteal acid
of baterie is set free that, uniting with
hypo-sulp phide of buteric oxide, again
solidifes as a bi-sulphide of stumakake
in the congealing. This, when taken
into the SYSTEM produces cramps, fire.
quently ending fatally. (Show this to
your girl)
When in Doubt.
A cnnnle of Hoosier statesmen were