Morning journal and courier., 1884-02-25
FERROUS.

Mr HenpeQue asks the difference between Mrs. Lsngtry's new play and his better half's rolling -pin-and answers that one is "A Wife's PeriP' and the other is husband s peril.-Norristown Herald.
 If the Democratic party can show that the present Republican administration is respon- sible for the disastrous floods in Ohio, the Republicans will surely lose that State next fall.-Norristown Herald.
 "Uncle, when sis sings in the choir Sun- day nights why does she go behind the organ and taste the tenor's moustache9" Oh, don't bother me, sonny; suppose they have to do it to find out if they are in tune. ," |-Yonker's Gazette.
 The vigilantes out in Arizona hanged a man the other day because he was con firmed liar. Good gracious! If it gets to be the rule to hang liars, none of us-that is to say, there are great many men who will be in danger. Texas Siftings.
 The disgraceful goings on in Dr. Newman g church might suggest new anagram. "Best in prayer" is familiar as an anagram for Presbyterian. We will not tell our readers what word "got a scant religion" would nake.-Independent.
 T understand that Blaine always attends church when he is at home" said a senator to congressman. ''So I've heard. Is it because he is fond of choir music?'' q
 
 eye to the Maine chants. "-N. Y. Journal.
 Boy" he asked, as he stood at the foot of Woodward avenue and looked across to the Canadian shore, ''what is the depth of water off the dock here?" The boy looked him all over with a careful eye, and then slowly answered, ''Thats the way it's allus been! If feller wants to commit suicide it's allus some one SO big that his clothes won 't begin to fit me! I won't tell you nuthin' about itl"-Detroit Free Press
 Do you think it is wrong to patronize the horse cars on Sunday. deacon?" asked Mrs. Goode. Decidedly" replied the deacon decidedly wrong, Mrs. Goode; it's a desecra- tion of the day, ma'an1. I never take horse car on Sunday, mann. I consider 1t wrong, decidedly wrong. I walk, ma'am, and receive my reward in an approving conscience, not to speak of the fact that have saved five cents, ma am" Boston Transcript.
 ''supposing l abolish these vulgar sums about Mike and Jack digging 8 ditch, and say if Florence, Seraphine and Rosie can pluck 1000 yiolets in nineteen days, and Rosie and Seraphina and Florence can do it in 13 3 days how losg will it take them all to do up their back hair p'' ''Ah, that sounds some thing like it,'' we calculated, ''and where will you bring it out?'' Tn Bosting," he re- plied.-San Francisco Newsletter.
 A Little Rock lawyer of prominence went uOA0 kA0 OtAeE db Ell uu6ccu1ly hour. Why are you so late?" asked his wife. "I am not late. I am early.' "Why didn't you come last night2" "Drunk. " Couldn't you walk?" Mot without stag gering." 'Why didn't you stagger home, then.'' ''Well, I'll tell you. My house has the name of being an orderly place, and I didn't want people to be seen staggering in- to the yard. Every man must protect his family, you know."-Arkansaw Traveller.
 We inquired of learned public school professor of many years standing how many Rrithmetics for the use of public schools he thought had been published in the last fifty years. He said that as near as he could guess about 1880, all of them progressive. He added that he was publishing an intellectual arithmetic himself, wherein such vulgar as A, B and 0 would be en- tirely expunged and superseded by some cultured prenomins, such as Amanda, Bea- trice and Cecilia. For instance, he continued,