The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-12-26
THE COLUMBIAN AND DEMOCRAT, BIOOMsBURG COLUMBIA

\ jolly-looking irishman was saluted
with the remark, Tim. you're house is
blown away Deed. then, it isn't, he
answered, for ! have the key in my
pocket.
The director OF matrimonial agency
IN Paris says tho young girls ask only,
Who is hep the young widows,
What is his position - the old widows
Where is he p
First Railroad Man. How many
children have you nowy" Second II. NJ.
-" Thirteen. First T. M. Good
nos | think it is about time you put on
the heir brakes.
" Reuben, said Mrs Parvenue to her
ii band why don't you send in your
rl"'k for that there st. Bartholomew
'iV'lt house statute and get your name in
he papers p
The female heart is just like new In
iinlrbber shoe you may pull and pull
Mt it, till IL stretches out yard long and
then let it go and it will fly right back to
it, Old shape.
German Professor. 3D." What a couple
II bonnie little children, dear Baroness !
Twins, | suppose y Baroness. --" You
have guessed rightly" Professor. -" Arc
hey both yours =
Faith is sometimes personified as n
drenched female clnging to sea-washed
rock but n better personifcation would
Ne n hald-headed man buying bottle of
patent hair-restorer
Her father is a pirate?" "Aw,
7a-as. Why, what are you talking
ahout -; Old Pinfeather il no pirate" ="
Why aw-ya-as. He's regular free
hooter. That's the reason that | quit
going to her house
Bass, who has been abroad, describes
his experience of shipboard as follows :
% You see it is very rough The steamer
kept gong up, mp up, and then down,
down. down SO after awhile my stomach
stayed NJ and tho steamer went down.
Which had you rather hear Beet
hOven on Wagner" asked Miss Matilda
I rocnboHle, who is a musical celebrity
why, I'd rather hear one of Wagner's
pau 'es all day long than to listen to Beet
hpSen sing single verse of Home,
sweet Home.
\ pretty little fairy who lives in Isling-
ton, and who is very fond of having Bible
stories read to her, ran to her mamma the
other day, and said, eagerly "Oh.
mamma, please read me that pretty story
overa9ain about little Moses and the bulls
ru7hing after him."
4 gentleman said to one of his old
friends that for some years his wife had
persisted in saying that she was only
twenty years old Mine is more reas
enable, replied his friend Il have sue
ceeded i'll making her enter the thirties,
but / have failed to make her come out
of them.
Il never can enjoy poetry when I'm
cooking said an old lady who dropped
III on us recently. But when / step ont
to feed the hogs and hist myself on the
fence, and throw my soul into few lines
of 'Cap'n Jenks it does seem aq if this
airtb wns made to live on after ALL
A tailor whose bill had remained unpaid
for some years called upon ", an impeni-
tent Bohemian, and found him in bed at
noon. why don't you work instead of
aleepin9?' said the tailor. Time is
money" "Ah, well, if time is money. l
Will pay you in time, answered Y.
No, marm," said the dealer. II
would like to give you q smaller pair but
to sell you anything below eights would
render me liable under the statute for the
prevention of cruelty to animals" He
didn't sell her anything under eights or
over 1t. Some women are so touchy about
the size of their feet.
Brute. Well, Ethel, how did you
make out" Angel (under treatment for
her voice.. =" l didn't like it st all, and L
don't see why the doctor finds it necessary
to run an instrument down my throat SO
tar that it seems rs if he would touch my
heart" Brute. -"Oh, he was probably
trying to find the end of your tongue, my
dear
During dense fog, Mississippisteam
boat took landing. A traveller, anxious
to go ahead, came to the unperturbed
manager of the wheel, and asked why
they stopped Too much fog. Can't see
overhead" YES, replied til the ''1u nrbane baie
pilot "but until the biler busts we amt
going that way" The passenger went to
bed