Morning journal and courier., 1884-11-21
OUT AND IN.

Instructor to Freshman: FtMr Blank, aren't you out of your seatl" ''No, cir; but some one is in mine, so I am not in it."- Acta Columbiaaas. 'tDo not marry a widower," said the old lady; "a ready made family is like plate of cold potatoes" "Oh, I'll soon warm them,
 replied the dansel.
 'FWhat becomes of the pinsq' used to be an interesting question, but now far more interesting conundrum is, what becomes of the torches used in the recent political pa rades?-Hotel Mail. Dramatic Views: "Your son is an actor, you say, Mr. MaginnisF' "Faith, he. is." ''Where does he act?' "Down in the Bow cry" "And what roles does he playg" Rolls, is it?" Faith he rolls up the cur tain. ."-Rambler.
 'FCurious, isn't?'' remarked Mrs. Bascom. 'tHere I've been reading these Notes on Illus bandry' regularly ever since we subscribed to the Farmer and they haven't said one word, so far as can see, about husbands or mat
 rimony either. Huntington Free Press.
 ''Oh, dear," sighed farmers wife weari- ly, as she dropped into a chair after hard days work, 'I feel just as if were going to be sick. My head throbs, and my back aches dreadfully, and" EBy gosh," interrupted the farmer, starting up and seizing his hat, ''that reminds me. I forgot to give the two year-old colt his condition powders to night, an he's been wheezin' all day." and he hur- ried to the barn.
 'tNow then," said Sunday school teacher, who was trying to explain miracle to her class, ''how do you account for Peter being able to walk on the surface of the water?" ''I know!' said little bright-eyed boy, whose father lost limb at the siege of Vicksburg. ''Well, how do you account for ! Peter's walking on the waterg' 'tHe had cork \ legs and they wouldn't let him sinkl" said ' the little fellow, triumphantly tly.-Paris (Ky) Beacon.
 Not long ago a Scottish clergyman proved member of his flock for being drunk. FGin it please ye," said Jemmy, ''I dina drink as meikle as yerseP." "Why, how is that" said the minister. "Aweel, dinna ye aye talk glass O whusky and water aft'r dinnara' ''Why, yes, Jemmy, sure I digestion" "And dinna ye talk a glass O toddy every nicht when we are ganging to bed?" "Yes, to be sure, just take little toddy every night to help me to sleep" "Well," continued Jemmy, "that's just four teen glasses week and about sixty every month. only get paid once 8 month, and then if I'd tak' sixty glasses it wud mak' me dead drunk for week. Now, ye see, the only difference is that ye time it better than I
 do."
 He wanted a position in an Austin bank. The president was satisfied with his ereden- tlals, but before engaging nm put h1m through 8 little civil service cross -examina- tion. Suppose, now, man was to come in here to deposit $20 in $1 bills, how would you count themT' ''pd wet my finger and lift up each bill till got to the last one."
 f'Why would you not lift up tho last onep
 'Because there might possibly be more bills under it, and if the depositor was to see it he would want it back, but if the twentieth bill is not lifted up and there should be another bill in the pile the bank makes it, don't you seep' "You will do," said the bank presi- dent ''You have been in the business be-
 fore, but didn't suppose you knew that ! trick '-Texas Siftings. OPPORTUNITY IMPoRTUNITY. Sealskin saeque In the store; Wife looks back, Eyes it OCT. Says to husband "Ain't it nicer" He shuts eyelids I Like wise. Shakes his head Sadly, "Nol'' I Grabs her arm, Home they go Drops of water, | One by one,
 I Will wear away
 l The hardest stone
 ! Ere the Falls i Backbone's broke
 Wifey wears
 Sealskin cloak