The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-04-10
Debating a Letter.

Debating a Letter.
'.Now, my DEAR said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. when his wife had propped him
up in bed and stuffed some extra
pillows under his shoulders; .'now, nv
Hear, take your per and ink and will
ctate a letter to Specklewottle. If
you will play amanuensis / don't see
why | can't be sick just as well as
not"
Mrs. Spoopendyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials
''Shall | write on card with a gilt
edge, or shall | take note paper?" she
asked.
You'd better use paper" said Mr.
| Spoopendyke severely. When / want
to convey my ideas on shingle, 1 will
carve 'em in with q knife. Now get
ready, for | am going to start, and
don't you interrupt me or you will put
me out"
''All ready, dear" murmured Mrs
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into the
ink and contemplating her husband
anxiously.
..Mr. Peter B. Specklewottle," COM
menced Mr.. Spoopendyke.
''Is his middle name .B?'" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand and
| testing her pen on the blotter. 81 don't
think l like his name anyhow, Peter
isn't nice'
'1f any other name occurs to you,
put it in" observed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
with growl. You don't need to have
a mans name RIGHT in letter. Put in
anything and hurry up, will you? Go
ing to keep me in suspense all day who
this letter is going TOP"
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for mo-
ment. Now I've got him in, dear"
Got who imp Anybody l knows?
Am | debating a private letter to a
strangerP Got some particular friend
you want this note to 90 to unbeknown
to me? Who's in there? I'm going to
know who's at the top before L put my
name at the bottom"
.Why, Mr.. .Specklewottle, of course, :"
said she, looking at him with wide-open
eyes. That's what you said. Now
go on with the rest"
''Have you got the date and dear sir
in, too" asked Mr.. Spoopendyke, peev-
ishly, for he was trying to think how
| he should start his letter.
''No, dear. you didn't say anything
about those. replied his wife, You
only said the name. But I'll put the
! others in.
''Will, will yep 'croaked Mr. Spoop-
endyke. Sticking on great deal of
credit to yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt ye? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband? Well, you can't
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in;
hear me?"
'But I've got 'em in," pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
''Then strike 'em out" roared her
husband. ''Spose I'm going to let
you put those things in and throw 'em
up in my face from the moment I get
| well until the day | die. Scratch 'em
out, tell ye; don't propose to have
my life made miserable by reminders
of your kindness when | was fishing
around in the grave with one leg Now
what have you got2''
''Peter b. Speoklewottle, said Mrs,
| Spoopendyke, mentally satisfied that
there could be no mistake about that.
Anything to show whether he's a
man or q womana" demanded Mr.:
Spoopendyke, ANY Mr. or ESQ
hanging to it anywhere?"
Certainly" replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, ut says Mr., Peter B. Speckle-
wottle' That's the way you told me
to write it, didn't you? Now go on
with the letter.
Then putt 4 am dying, and L wish
| you"
Great gracious!'' calculated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her pen. "You
are not dying, dear; you don't want
the man to think that!'
why not2" squealed Mr. Spoopen-
| dyke. IS pose man is going four
teen blocks out OF the way TO get the
mail for a man who only has cold in
| his head? You put it that I'm diving
or I'll drop into that corner and write
the whole letter with one applicat
of the inkstandr'
go on, dear" cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, I've got it so; only he may
think 1t strange that a dying man
should write to him.
| 'Then say, i want you to get my
mail from the office, and tell them /
will be over in day or two Got
thatp"
.Yes." giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Anything elseP"
''What're you laughing atp" howled
MIR. SpoopenayKe, on whom the incon-
gruities of his letter had begun to
dawn. ''What have you got that measly
mouth of yours stretched out like a
dodgasted grave yard for? Think I'm
debating a-comic almanac? Got a no.
tion that this letter is some kind of a
rebusP Well, it amt; and it amt a
minstrel entertainment with funny
man at each end! What are you laugh
ing at? Anybody in the country
| know?"
81 wasn't laughing, DEAR" murmur-
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke, with a marvel
ously straight face. Il was only SYM
pathizing with you.''
WAS, eh?" grunted Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. well, when it takes the form
of visage like you screwed up min
ute ago | want to be hung instead OF
being sympathized with. Another time
| you open your mouth like that I'm
going to put seats in it and start q
| church"
And cogitating on the vast improve
ments IN his wife's anatomy, Mr. Spoop-
endyke. forgetting all about his letter,
rolled over and went 20 sleep. Stanley
Huntley.
Slightly Embarrassed.