Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-07-10
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

"A AVA Al T. IL NJ M II N /
a promising youth r Gently surprised
his father by asking Father, do y.t
IKE u, ,no the ,', Why, yes, of course.
. Ana she likes you?' "Of course eli,
does Did she marry you becaus,
sne ioved you Certainly she did. :
The my carefully scrliinized his pa
rent, and after long pause asked
wen, was she as near sighted then a.
sbe IL now" If he ever RECEIVERS from
the shock that followed his last word,
that youth may make his mark in the
world.
A workman started at noon for his
dinner, and finding few feet of pave
inent to lay near his home, laid 1t, and
then returned 10 his place Of business.
he mad forgotten something, he knew
not what. He explored his pockets, and
taxed his memory, and at length he
concluded that it must be malta H.
made a memorandum To stop and buy
some at night, and then felt relieved.
Al about four o'clock rush OF memory
came upon him-he had forgotten To eat
his dinner.
j" am afraid that young1Featherly,
VINO Calls on you 80 often, Is rather a
fast young man." said rather to his
daughter "Oh, no, he isn't, father p
replied the little brother, who was
present. g. What do YOU know about
Mr.. Feathsrly 2" demanded the old
man. 81 only know" the little man
replied, that heard him ask sister for
u Kiss last night, and she told him he
could have one ii he would be quick
about it but 1t was the slowest kiss
that ever ! saw"
A not very hands ONE elderly maiden
was boring young fellow With sort Of
lexplanatiOn or other, and he was crazy
to talk to pretty girl on the other sid.
OF the room. Finally she said I" DO
make myself plain ?" "Well, Miss
Sarah, believe you do" "Be sure OF
1t, because l want 10 do 3d." Greatly,
Miss Sarah, should say you are about
as plain as any woman / ever saw"
Then lie went over to the other girl.
DIR. Chalmers, when once invited to
address primitive prayer meeting In
a remote Highland parish, was quest
ed to "speak down" to the Intelligence
of his flock, aud use only the simplest
words and sentences. Chalmers good.
naturally assented, and began with
IL is easy sentence. my friends, l.
have been specially requested, in adj
dressing you tonight, to avoid the tech.
Dical nomenclature of scholastic theolo-
gy."
The proprietor of a shooting box in
the west Of Ireland, having been driven
home in a regular downpour, and, per-
ceiving that his Jehu was almost in
rags, alphabetically said "Pat,
my poor fellow, you must be wet
throlis IA and thrOuph % Vi
Fani, hen, no, yeur honor, replied
Pat " im wet on to the skin but,
plase goodness, I'll be wet inside AZ
soon AZ your honor can get the sperrits!'
"Oh, Pat, and what do you think
will be your feelings on the day CT
judgment when you meet Mrs. Maho-
hey and the pig you stole from her, face
to face ?' :" Does sour reverence think
the pig will be there ?" SAY, indeed
will he and what will ye say then ?"
l shall say, your reverence, Mrs.
Mahoney, dear, here's the rig that 1
borrowed of ye, and I'm III 'ghty glad to
have this opportunity Of resi- storing him.
A worldly father, after the style of
Lord Chester field, is giving good advice
10 his son, who is about to enter society.
" And above all, avoid fiirtations. But
If you must fiirt or fall in love, be sure
that IL Is with q pretty woman"
" Why ?" Because some other fell
low will be sure to be attracted, and
cut you out before any harm has been
done"
A few days ago teacher who 10
rather high flown In his remarks, in
formed his scholars that he did not de-
sire them to occupy too much space
with small examples Ia arithmetic, and
asked one of them IL lie was working
" compactly." "No, sir" replied the
lad, am working multiplication.
my son." sAid An old negro, "now
dat you's outen de penitentiary, try tor
keep out, an arter dis doan steal-least-
wise doan do lack yer did befo'-steal 81
pair o. boots W at was too big fur yer
self an too little fur yer old daddy. Ell
yer KANT pick up suthin' dat'll do yerl
some good, try an be bones"
$50 you're engaged to DIR. R. I'll
must he very nice to be engaged to II
doctor. Every time he calls, you know,
and of course that must bs very often
you feel rs If you were getting for
nothing what everybody else would
have to pay for"
There is something exquisitely cool in |
the following reply Of q Yankee to al
European traveller when he asked him
If he had just crossed the Alps: "Wall,
now you call my attention to the fact, |
| guess did pass risin' groundi"
Lady Before engage you, should |
like to know what your religion is.
Cook :" oh mama, always feels 1t |
my duty to be of the same religion as
the family I'm 10 -
What are pAuses 2" asked the teach. |
er Of a primary class. . Things that
grows on cats, piped the small boy |
at the foot.
Lambkin says the only sure proven
tive against New River rising would be |
for him to own . few shares in the CON- |
pany.
A whaling company has been started
in San Francisco. An Old-fashioned |
would make . good Presi-
dent for the concern.
A society editor asserts that angels
are all blondes, but blondes are not al
angels. 1t IL painfully apparent that
his wife Ia not a brunette.
A Frisco girl had her hair cut short,
donned male attire, and passed for boy.
She betrayed her sex by lettering in
front of millinery stores.
Ladies are said to be working their
way into the watch business, because
they produce handsome faces and more
delicate hands than men.
"Don't, said Taw mus, "don'tthrow
that away it's something am very
proud Of. ITS An old tailor's BILL
:" Yes, but it's paid. /"