The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1884-05-22
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

-"Cloeked stockings, says:the Phil
adelphia Call, '.are not so called because
they are sold on tick" 1t is probably
because they are watched so carefully.
N. Y. Graphic.
Emma Abbott says 1.-THE voice of
prima donna is as delicate as a new
born babe" And the voice of a new
born babe is as delicate as a
prima donna. That is to say. it is very
loud. Boston Transcript.
Over the piano in the parlor of an
Eastern hotel bangles a placard in
scribed as follows: inexperienced
performers are requested to deny them
selves the use of this instrument. -
Chicago Herald.
An overlooking hall at Norwich,
N. Y, awaited John B. Cough the other
evening, while hundreds of people una
BILE to gain admittance, were turned
from the doors. People came many
miles to hear him. one man driving over
one hundred miles ON wretched roads
for that purpose only. Then, John b.
Cough didn't come. Buffalo Express.
DE man whut tries ter do right ies
becase he is erfeerd o de debil, may
airter awhile think dat de debil ain in
no great hurry ter punish him, an den
do wrong. ain got no respeck fur
forced 'ligion. De fruit whut am raised
in dollhouse ain nigh so sweet as de
fruit whut yer gifts outer de orchard
ArkansaO Traveller.
WHY, Mr. jenkins, 1 thought you
were in the hospital" calculated a
pretty Washington girl to her caller.
In the hospital?" he queried, with
genuine State Department infection.
"What made you think thate" why,
papa said at breakfast this morning
| that he never saw man shoot off his
mouth like you did yesterday. Wash
isgtoD Post.
"A Connecticut Yankee has invented
an air-gun which he claims will throw
cannon balls fourteen miles. 1t strikes
us that his air-gun is an infringement
'on Western cyclone. Ii the Western
papers don't exaggerate, the latter will
f, throw a two-story house twenty -four
miles, and the roof of barn still
farther; and the cyclone ''scatters'
more than the Yankees invention, too.
-Bafalo Express.
1t was in the editorial room of the
London Times: do you think my foot
will have to be amputated, doctor?''
asked the editor in-chief, family. a
am afraid so,'' replied the physician
sit is very badly hurt, but may be able
to save it. How did you manage tc
crush your foot in this wayP' The boy
dropped the proof of one of my ed
itorials on il. Philadelphia Call.
| "A lady asked learned professor
if he understood Chinese. He did
"Well, what is mouth in Chinese?'
Mouth is ken" A week later the
lady suddenly asked the professor
"Whatis kitchen door in Chinese?" II
is ken" Very remarkable A weel
ago you said mouth is k'eu." "Quit,
So" answered the professor; what
Chicago Times.
The Baptist Handbook for 1884, ha
recently been published. Among tn
features of general interest is a sum
mary of statistics of Baptist Churche
throughout the world Since 1873, tn
first year in which such summary wa
compiled, there has been very marke
progress. There were in 1882 1929
| churches, as against 2S,505 in 1875
1888 ministers and missionaries a
against H. S3, and 2,626,582 member
as against 2, 473,05S. The returns fror
, America show $4,000 churches and nc
fewer than 2,43l, 800 members. TIL
details for the British Islands show fo
tbeyear 1888, 1858 churches. s,738witl
sitting accommodation for l.l3S, 5S1
The members amount to 304, S0z
There are $3.50 Sunday School teach
ers and AIS, 1877 scholars. The pastor
are 1888 and the evangelists reach tn
figures 3,505. Arranged under the fou
Municipalities the membership is as TO
lows: England, 2l9.414; Wales. 73.74s
Scotland, 1O,096; Ireland, l.544.