The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1884-07-05
Paragraph Fiend.

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Made Of awl workshops.
OF for the summer-Flannels.
Lo languge-The Indian tongue.
The national air-The East wind.
A cereal story-The grain report.
Short meater-A dishonest butcher.
A celebrated German composer-beer.
An opera glass-The one taken between
the acts.
David Davis uses tablecloth for napkin
A burning question--How much is the gas
bill?
The surest method of guessing on cake is
to give it weigh.
A marked man-The fellow who sits down
on newly painted stoop'
Faith without works is good for nothing
when it comes to a clock.
Darwin says there is living principle IN
fruit. 1t is supposed he refers to the worms
Always gets left-A rich mans money So
do some Of the expectant heirs.
The immortal saying, "theres always
room at the top" was invented by hotel
clerk.
Smoking does not agree with some people,
hut il always seemed to SCOT the chimney
Julius, seize her !" said Sambo, as julius
was contemplating fat pullet by moonlight
Milkmen are emigrating in large numbers
to Minnesota. The state is said to have seven
thousand lakes.
Where does cotton abound most plentifully!
We will tell thee, Faustina. In all wool
clothes. Faustina--in all-wool clothes
Puck.
There is man in New York who manufac-
lures diamonds for actresses to lose lhey
are sold at 80 much quart.
Some men are so lucky that they couldn't
fall overheard without being pulled up with
their pockets full of fish.
The man who sang, "Oh, breathe no more
that simple air. at once retired to the
smoking car, where the air was more Mixed
A dairyman near Tucson committed sui
eide last week because water was 30 scarce
round there that there was no profit in the
milk business.
The onion peeled in the kitchen,
The organ peeled by note,
And the bell peeled in the steeple,.
When the sexton peeled his coat
The Oil City Blizzard finds that strawber-
ries and cream make girls freckled ana
cause them to toe in. 1t might be well to
eut this out and paste it somewhere in sight.
I, should be said in justice to the Father
of his Country, that the New Jersey centen-
arian whom George Washington is said to
have kissed did not look then as she does
now
The four burglars who made an attempt to
rob Wall street bank last Friday night and
expected to find something to steal, must
have had unusual confidence in the presi-
dent Of the institution.
The Boston Star says: The bigger q
newspaper is the more hustle there is about
it," What it means lie, the bigger hustle,
the more newspaper there is about it.
AVAIL STREET NOVEL.
Chapter one-Trusted.
Chapter two-Busted.
(hanter tbrpe--Dusted
"Papa's Home Tonight" is the title of a
new song. 80 the old man has yielded at
last Let's see, il must be about fifteen
years since they began. to coax him with
Father, Dear Father, Come Home"
"Now, Children, about what shall | talk
tonight" asked prosy Yorkville Sunday
school superintendent. about three min
utes," said little girl. The witty answer
convulsed the church with laughter.
When a banker in Europe makes dis.
graceful failure he usually blows his own
brains out to avoid the shame Of criminal
prosecution. Some European fashions should
be copied in this country.
Ta-ta, my love, ta-ta,
NV steed now champs his bit,
hear the tread Of your papa,
IT'S time that should skip.
That Cuba is getting ready to be annexed
10 the United States is now evident. A let
ter from that island states that, as apopular
amusement the game of base ball is taking
the place Of bull-fghts.
An Indiana girl was swinging in ham
mock when man passed her on horseback
with gun across the pommel Of his saddle.
The horse stumbled and Jared the gun. II
went of and hit .he girl in the hammock.
Her mother who was in the kitchen washing
the dishes was not hurt.
AN EMPTY NEST.
While looking through the window at u tree
in blossoms drest
saw among the branches an old and empty
nest
I remember when | saw IT, how in hygone