The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-04-29
Debating a Letter.


dear. take your pen and ink and | will
dictate letter to Specklewottle. If
you will play amanuensis | don't see
why l cant be sick just as well as
not"
Mrs Spoopendyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials.
Shall | write on a card with a gilt
edge, or shall take note paper?n she
asked.
you'd better use paper" said Mr.
Spoopendyke severely, when want
to convey my ideas on q single, will
carve EN- in with knife. Now get
ready, for | am going to start, and
don you interrupt me or you will put
me out"
"All ready, DEAR" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into the
ink and contemplating her husband
anxiously.
"Mr Peter B. Specklewottle," COM
menced Mr. Spoopendyke.
lis his middle name 'B?'" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand and
testing her pen on the blotter. Il don't
think l like his name anyhow, Peter
isn't NICE
"lf any other name occurs to you,
put it in, observed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
with a growl "You don't need to have
a mans name right in letter. Put in
anything and hurry up, will you? Go
ing to keep me in suspense all day who
this letter is going TOP"
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for a mo-
ment. Now I've got him in, dear"
Got who in9 Anybody / know?
Am | debating a private letter to
stranger? Got some particular friend
you want this note to 90 to unbeknown
to me? Who's in there? I'm going to
know who's at the top before l put my
name at the bottom"
'Why, Mr. Specklewottle, of COURSE"
said she, looking at him with wide-open
eyes. That's what you said. Now
60 on with the rest"
"Have you got the date and dear sir
in. too, asked Mr.. Spoopendyke, peev-
ishly, for he was trying to think how
he should start his letter.
mo, dear, you didn't say anything
about those, replied his wife. You
only said the name. But I'll put the
others in"
''Will, will YEP croaked Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. Sticking on a great deal of
credit to yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt We? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
| suffering husband? Well, you can't
fool me that much. Don't put EN- in;
hear me?'
But I've got EN- in," pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
"Then strike 'em out" roared her
husband. "S'pose I'm going to let
you put those things in and throw 'em
up in my face from the moment | ge,
well until the day | die Scratch 'eu
out. tell We; don't propose to have
my life made miserable by reminders
of your kindness when | was fishing
around in the grave with one leg. Now
what have you got?"
peter B. Specklewottle, said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, mentally satisfied that
there could be no mistake about that.
Anything to show whether he's q
man or a woman" demanded Mr.:
| Spoopendyke. ANY Mr. or Esq
| hanging to it anywhere?n
Certainly replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, ut says Mr.. Peter B. Speckle-
wottle.' That's the way you told me
to write it, didn': you3 Now 90 on
with the letter"
Then put: 1 am dying, and wish
| you-
Great graciousr' calculated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her pen. "You
are not dying, dear; you don't want
the man to think that"
"Why not?' squealed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "S'pose man is going four
teen blocks out of the way to get the
mail for man who only has cold in
his head? You put it that I'm dying
or I'll drop into that corner and write
the whole letter with one application
Of the inkstandH"
go on, dear" cooed Mrs. Spoopen
dyke, I've got it so; only he may
think it strange that a dying man
should write to him.
Then say, 4 want you to get my
mail from the Office, and tell them |
will be over in a day or two Got
that?"
Yes" giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Anything else?"
"What'rc you laughing at?' howled
Mr.. Spoopendyke, on whom the incon-
| gruities of his letter had begun to
dawn. What have you got that measly
mouth OF yours stretched out like a
dodgasted grave yard for? Think I'm
debating comic almanacp Got n no.
ton that this letter is some kind of a
rebus? Well, it amt; and it amt a
minstrel entertainment with funny
man at each end! What are you laugh
ing a,P Anybody in the country
| knowPn
81 wasn't laughing, DEAR murmur-
ed Mrs Spoopendyke, with marvel
ousl y straight face. 81 was only SYM
pathizing with YOU"
WAS, ehP" grunted Mr. Spoopen-
| dyke. well, when it takes the form
OF visage like you screwed up min
ute ago | want to be hung instead of
being sympathized with. Another time
you open your mouth like that I'm
gong, to put seats in it and start a
| And cOoitatinp on tbe yast imnroye-