Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1884-03-07
FUN

FUN
THRICE SOLD.-A Philadelphia book
agent importuned James Watson, rich
New York man, living out at Elizabeth,
until he bought book-the early Chris
tian Martyrs" Mr.. Watson didn't want
the book, but he bought 1t to get rid of
the agent; then taking it under his arm.
he started for the train which takes him
to his New York office.
Mt. Watson hadn't 0een gone long be-
fore Mrs. Watson came home from q
neighbours. The book agent saw her and
went in and persuaded the wife to buy
another copy of the same book. She was
ignorant of the fact that her husband had
bought the same book in the morning.
When Mr.. Watson came home from New
York at night Mrs. Watson showed him
the book.
Il don't want to see it," said Watson,
frowning terribly.
"Why, husband ?'' asked his wife.
because that rascally book agent sold
we've got two copies Of the same book
two copies of the Early Christian Mar
tys,' and
''But husband, we can"
mo we can't etheI!' interrupted Mr..
Watson. 1.-The man is off Oh the train
before this. could kill the fellow''-
"WhY, there he goes to the depot now
said Mrs. Watson pointing out of the win
dow at the retreating form of the book
agent making for the train.
But it is too late to catch him and
I'm not dressed; I've taken off my boots
and"
just then Mr.. Stevens. nei2hbor of
Mr. Watson, drove by, when Watson
pounded on the window pane in frantic
manner. almost frightening the horse.
Here, Stevens. y he shouted, ''you re
hitched up =; won't you run your horse
down to the train and hold that book
agent till l come? RUM Catch him
now!n
''AlI right" said Mr. Stevens, whip
ping up his horse and tearing down the
road.
Mr.. Stevens reached the train just as The
conductor shouted .all aboard!''
Book agent - he yelled, as the book
agent stepped on thu train. "Book agent
hold on Mr.. Watson wants to see you. -
Watson? Watson, wants to see me?"
repeated the seemingly puzzled book
agent. ''Oh, know what he wants. he
wants to buy one Of my books; but can t
miss the train to sell it to him."
''If that is all he wants, can pay for
it and take it back to him. How much is
it:''
1.-TWO dollars for the Early Christian
Martyrs. said the book agent, as he
reached for the money and passed the
book out through the car window.
Just then Mr.. Watson arrived, putting
and blowing, in his shirt sleeves. AS be
saw the train pull out he was too full for
utterance.
"Well, got it for you," said Stevens;
Just got it and that's ALL
''Got whaL2" yelled Watson.
why, got the book-'Early Chris
tian Martyrs" and"
''By the great guns! p moaned Watson
as he placed lis hands to his brow and
swooned right in the middle of the street.
Ell Perkins.
A man in Lexington made wager that
he could name one hundred women in
that town each of whom is rrettier than
Mrs. Langtry. He wrote out the list and
took it to the editor of newspaper there.
The editor said that il he published it his
hide would be literally riddled with bullet
holes. why" said the other, ''every
word of description appended to each
name is highly respectful and compliment
tary." you misunderstood me-" said
the editor. rs on account of the names
not mentioned at all, that would be muir
dered if l printed your lst.''
Overcome by gas,'' is the headline Oh a
daily paper. We knew those tremendous
gas bills would kill somebody sooner or
later.
A ready-made rejoinder: He-"You
AAA'-AS :" AooA VI AA0 spiOu YOU,
ma am" Sle-"Lor! You ALWAYS told
me you were self-made mani"
To all mankind death is but question
of time; with womanklnd the length of
her life is often a questio of veracity.
The two-headed lady on exhibit ion saws
that two heads are better than one, or else
she would not be receiving $25 week
salary.
A scientist asserts that bee can only
sting once in two minutes. We would re-
specially add that that's all it generally
needs to.
Leap year is evidently alluded to in the
Bible where it IS said that seven women
shall take hold upon one man.
The lay of the last minstrel here was to
get lunches free and beat the lodging
housekeepers.
1t has been found that the termination
,satic" in the word climatic" and "fana-
tic" refer to the upper story.