The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1884-11-01
Paragraph Fiend.


An habitual diner out-The tramp.
The girl OF the Periodically Ticks
A Chinese waul-Celestial music.
Well backed up-The dromedary
Narrow escape-The tip of gas jet
Quick at tigures-The dancing master.
A big grain elevator-A corner in wheat
A pair of fly specs will not assist weak
eyes
Female tiirts are like tiddles-no good
without the beauX
Average weight of Il stupid bore-Gen-
orally simple ton
A green backer-The fellow who bets on
the wrong horse
Water is musical, we presume, when the
fountains play.
Ministers are sometimes called doctors
OF divinity, because they c,,n set the com.
mandments when they get broken
knitting black silk stockings is the Ia.
test craze among the ladies'" This comes
dangerously near doing something useful.
Nervous Girl wants to know how 10
cure Il tickling sensation about the face"
Get him TO shave off his moustache
Belva Lockwood is the first Presidential
candidate who never used razor Don't
make mistake and attribute this to youth
-Boston Budga.
And now the maid with sealskin sacque
Doth view the clouds and smile.
She knows the days will soon come bacque
When she can sling on style.
The complete history of a scandal
Beecher-Ask JOY he will tell the truth
Joy-Beecheris mistaken. Beecher-You
are liar.
At Sunday. school in Chicago a teacher
asked IA new scholar-a little girl-what
her name was. She replied: Helen
French" An urchin in an adjoining seat
sang out: What is it in Englislr?"
A Norristown man has cook so pretty
and fascinating that the first day he EN-.
ployed her she mashed" his potatoes. The
next day she mashed" his son.
An agricultural paper has an article on
"the time to look after poultry" We sup
pose it advises the search either after dark
or when the owner is away.
A bantering acquaintance of the other
sex remarked to "a woman: 81 never heard
of seven devils being cast out of man"
NO." was the reply; they've got them
yet"
The Mother Hub Is Of such hideOus mien
That to be hated needs but to be seen,
But when surmounted by pretty face
We first endure then pity, then embrace.
A young lady at Fort Plain has abstained
from all TODD for 1870 days. This might be
considered quite remarkable if the demo
cratic party had not subsisted without food
for twenty-four years
Mr. Blaine says that he knows he will
carry at least five southern states, As Josh
Billings says, it would be better for Blaine
to know less than to know 50 many that
aren't 50.
She held him fast in her soft white arms,
And kissed him warm with ayearning hug,
For She was girl Of the upper ten,
And newell, well he was a dOggoned pug.
A married woman in Connecticut writes
TO the New York Crematory Company
"Can you burn man before he dies? III
you can will be pleased to give you job
on my husband, who is Of no earthly use
to me or to any one else
A young man blackened his moustache
with lead comb and then took his girl
out for moonlight stroll When the fair
one appeared in the bright light of the
family circle a couple Of hours later her
face looked like a railroad map.
An eastern paper says that a dozen girls
from New Haven are taking tramp !
through the Adirondack Mountains. The
tramp must be having IA good time.-N.
J. UiM.
Il is said that Belva Lockwood, the pres
idential candidate, wears red stockings
Now mark you, we say-"it is said Per
sonally we are entirely Ignorant in the
Past.
When the announcement came that kei
fer had taken the stump in Ohio, the fear
was generally expressed among the Repub-
ican managers that he would never bring
Il baCk.-Etica Observer
A Louisville man has turned out some
sort Of an electrical invention by which
nan can lie in bed and nsh. There Is no
demand for such contraptiOn for anybody
inOwS that man who will fish can Ii"
.Herchda Iluceler.
THE AUTUMN POET.
Nheuc'rr the poet writes line I
Whose final word j. sober
The dullr-l reader may divine
He sings about October.
Dh, wherefore will hc never find
\ new rhyme for October: