Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-01-13
MY UNCLE'S WILL.


IS perfectly simple and explicit. Either
you must do as your late uncle desired
or you must let The property 90 to the
representative of his deceased wife's
family"
But surely, Blenkinsopp," / said dep
recatingly, 1--WE might get the Court OF
Chancery to set it aside, as being con
try to public policy, or something of that
sort. l know yOu can the Court OF
Chancery to affirm almost anything you ash
them, especially if it's something a little
abstruse and out of the common; it gratifes
the COURTS opinion of its own acumen.
Now, clearly, it's contrary 30 public
policy that a man should 90 and make his
own nephew ridiculous by his last will
and testament, isn't it?'
Mr.. Blenkinsopp shook his head vigor-
ously. BLESS my soul, Mr.. Payne" he
answered, helping himself to a cOmDre.
hensive pinch from his snuff box, an
odious habit, confined, / believe. at the
present day to family solicitors, } ''bless
my soul, my dear Sir, the things simply
impossible. Here's your uncle, the late
Anthony Aikip, Esq, deceased. a person
OF sound mind and an adult male above
the age Of 81 years-tO be quite accurate.
CgtdtlS sue, 1S-makes his will, and duly
attests the same in the presence of two
Witnesses; everything quite in order; not
any
way. Wei, he gives and bequeaths
to his nephew, Theodore Payne, gen.
tleman-thatS yOu-after a few unim-
pOrtant legacies, the bulk of his real and
personal estate, provided only that YOU
adopt the surname of Akin, prefiXed be-
fore and in addition to your own surname
OF Payne. But-and this is very important
If you don't choose to adopt and use the
said surname of Akin, in the manner here
IN hgaHfa SFr,gN 4
dear slr-why, then and in that case, as
clear as currant jelly, the whole said resi-
due of his real ana personal estate is to 90
to the heir or heirs at law OF the late
Amelia Maria Susannah Akin, wife of
the said Anthony Akin, Esq, deceased.
Nothing could be simpler or palmer in any
way, and there's really nothing on earth
for you to do except to choose between
the two alternatives 0 clearly set before
you by your deceased uncIe."
But look here, you know, BIenkin-
sopp,' L said appealingly, "no fellow can
really be expected to 20 and call himself
Aikin-Payne, now can hep It's positively
too ridiculous. Mightn't ] stick the
Payne before the Akin, and call myself
Payne-Aikin, chr That wouldn't be
quite so absurdly suggestive of a per-
petual tOOthache. But Aikin-Payne!
w ~. the comic papers would take it up
mmeoiately. Every foOtman III London
would grin audibly when he announced
me. fancy l hear the fellows thus very
moment fiinging open the door with a
violent attempt at seriousness, and shout
ing out, Mr.. Haching-Pain, ha, ha, hap
with loud gutfaw behind the Intel. 1t
would be simply unenduraLleW
"My dear SIR" answered the unsympa-
thetic BlenkinsOpp (mOst unsympathetic
"9eion. an attorneys, really, "the
prv'~---- ITO consideration the
law doesnt take L. - Of foot
question of the probable con0uoe
men. 1t must be Aikin-p, yne or nothing.
l admit the cOllocatiOn does sound little
to be sure; but your uncle's
will IS perfectly unequivocal upon the
subiect-in fact, ahem! | drew it up n.y.
SELF to say the truth; and unless you call
yourself Aikin-Payne, sin the manner
hereinbefOre recited,' then and N that
case, observe (there's no deception), then
and in that case the heir or heirs at law
of the late Amelia Maria Susannah afOre-
said will be entitled TO benefit under the
viii as fully in every respect as if the pro-
perty was bequeathed directly to him,
her, or them, by name, and to no other
person."
And who the dickens are these heirs
at-law. BlenkinsOpp / ventured to ask
-
lawyer had refreshed himself with an
other prodigiOus sniff from his snuff-box.
'WhO the dickens are they, Mr. Payne?
| should say Mr.. Aikin-Payne, ahem-
why, how the dickens should l know, sir?
You don't suppose l keep a genealogical
table and full pedigree of all the second
cousins of all my clients hung up con-
spicu9usly in some spare corner Of my
BRAIN, do you, Ell? Upon my soul really
haven't the slightest notion. All | know
about them is that the late Mrs. Amelia
Maria Susannah Aiken, deceased, had one
sister, who married somebody or nth"1
somewhere, against Mr.. Anthony Atkins
wishes, and that he never had anything
further to say to her at any time. But
where she's gone and how she fares, no.
body knows and nobody cares sir, as the
poet justly remarks"
was not previously acquainted with
the poets striking observation on this
matter, but l didn't stop to ask Mr.. Blen-
kinsOpp in what authors works these
stirring lines had originally appeared. l
was too much occupied with other
thoughts that moment to pursue any in
into their authorship and au-
"Up0n my word, Blenkin-
sOpp," / said, "PVe really half mind to
shy the thing up and go on with my
Mr. Blenkinsopp shrugged his should
ers. believe me, my dear young FRIEND"
he said SententiOusly, "tweive hundred
year is not to be sneezed at. Without in
quiring too precisely into the exact state
of your existing finances, 1 should be in
clined to say your present engagement
can't be worth to you more than three
hundred year."
1 nodded acdli;Gscence. ''The exact fig
ure," nluTmured.
"And your private means are"
"NOn-existent," l answered frankly.
'Then, my dear sir, excuse such plain
ness of speech in man OF my profession;
but if you throw it up you will be per-
feet fool, sir, a perfect tool, assure you"
s'But perhaps, BlenkinsOpp, the next of
KIN won't step in to claim it!'
Doesn't matter bit, my dear fellow.
Executors are bound TO satisfy themselves
before paying you over your legacy that
you have assumed and will use the name
of Akin before and in addition to your
own name Of Payne. in the manner here
inbefore recited. There's no getting over
that in any way"
| sighed aloud. "Twelve hundred a
year is certainly very comfortable" 1
said. E'But it's a COMPOUNDED bore that
one should have a condition tackled on to
it which will make one a laughing stock
for life to all the buffoons and idiots of
ones acquaintance"
Blenkinsopp nodded in modified assent.
"Atter all,v he answered, Il wouldn't
mind taking it on the same terms my
self"
"Well," said |, ''che sara sara. If it
must be, it must be; and you may put an
advertisement into the Times accordingly.
Tell the executors that / accept the con-
dition."
81 won't stop in town." said TO my
self, ''tO be chaffed by all the fellows at
the club and in the masters room at St.
Martins I'll run over on the Continent
until the ways (cOnfound them have for
gotten all about it. Pm sensitive man,
and if there's anything on earth | hate
its cheap and easy joking and punning on
a name or a personal popularity which
lays itself open obviously to stupid
buffOOnery. OF course / shall chuck up
the schOOlmasterlng nOw-its an OdiOus
trade at any time-and l may as well take
a pleasant holiday while Pm about it.
Let me see-Nice or Cannes or Florence
would be the best thing at this time of
wear. Escape the November fogs and
January frosts. Let's make it Cannes,
then, and try the first effect of my new
name upon the corpus Uite of the Cannois.'
So | packed up my portmanteau hur-
riedly, took the 7:45 to Paris, and that
same evening found myself comfortably
enscOnced in ludgOn lit, making my way
as fast as the LYONS line would carry me
en- route for the blue Mediterranean.