The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-05-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

In fashion intelligence the latest is
that the rage for short hair is rapidly
spreading among the fair sex. John
l.. Sullivan has not lived in vain.
: 81 thought you were flame of Miss
Bullion. Mr.. Dood," said Slim. l
thought so, too," said the other, until
the old man put me out one night"
Do not let adversely discourage you,
my son. Were it not for the kicks
which 1t receives, the football would
never get up in the world. Boston
Transcript.
And still. year by year. the standard
and higher, and higher and higher, and
higher. Columbia has just organized
a banjo club.
''Did you reveal your IDENTIFY"
asked New York politician of one of
his minions. "Well, you bet didn't.
i just told him who / was and it broke
him all up"
DIR. OFT has learned that the rattle
snakes tail makes sixty vibrations per
second. This must have necessitated
about sixty-one vibrations per second
~A NAAO R0AN va A~As Wv"
''Yes, SIR" said the liquor dealer,
'it is a good law that prevents any one
from opening school within 500 fee
of liquor saloon. School houses are
the ruin of the trade anyway S0nae''-
vilie Journal.
Enjoyment: Charming young lady,
loq.: ''Oh, had such lovely time
with Grace this afternoon; we were SO
delighted to see each other that we
both talked so fast that the other
couldn't get in q wordr'
Whenever a politician says 'I'm for
the strongest man we can pick out, "
every candidate of his party smiles
and remarks to himself, II am cer-
tainly sure of that mans support. ="
All. the modesty of these candidates.
Baltimore american.
s'Fine morning, Your Honor" affa-
:bly remarked the man who was ar
rested the night before for being drunk
and disorderly. Eyes, indeed" heart
lily responded the Justice; quite Il
fine morning; in fact. n SO fine morn
ing. ."-Detrott Free Press.
Frescoing bald heads Promises to be-
come a new artistic industry in Lon
don. Nothing could be more strikingly
effective than a coat of arms emblaz-
oned on q clean scalp. Poetical gen.
tlemen of the Tracy Tupman class
might adopt flowers.
A young lady received the following
note. accompanied by a boquet of tiow-
ers: "Dear-: Il send YOU by the
boy u bockct of fiours. This IL like
my luv for u. The mite shade menes
kepe dark. Rosis red and posts pail,
my luv for shall never fale."
"A young man who has been going
with Vermont girl for some time, and
had made her several presents, asked
her one day if she would accept a pup
py. He was awful mad when she re-
piled that her mother had told her il
he proposed to her to say no.
Krupp is building n hammer that
weighs fifty tons and will cost over
$4,000, 900. The probabilities are that
there will be great many political lies
to mall during the coming campaign,
and hammer of such proportions
may be needed. Herald.
Grandpa-Be careful sir! If you
UTcdk duOLACI OioAs nave "
whip you again, and now that you are
getting older. l hope that these whip
pings may be discontinued. Tommy
You bet! as i get older, | shall get big
ger. and you may getwalloped yourself.
Life.
The two-headed girl got mad at hel
manager in museum the other day,
and turned loose on him with both OF
her tongues. The human curiosities
all tainted, the animals in the cage,
tried to get away, and St. Louis mar
stood and listened a moment, smiled
socially, and said: ''With little more
practice I'd back her agin my old
woman"
Rosa Bonheur is 61 years old. and
wears trousers. These facts arc
thought to be deserving of the dignity
of newspaper paragraph. Gumber
son doesn't see why. He says that his
wife qualified for 81 about five years
ago, and has been wearing the trous
ers ever since the golden glamor of the
E honeymoon faded into the dull, leader
gloom of solid matrimony.
A natural mistake: The train haC
run off the track and bumped for ;
quarter of a mile over the sleepers be
fore it could be stopped. Most of the
passengers were nearly dead from the
fright and iarring. One man, how
ever, who is Philadelphia of wealth,
keeps his carriage and does good dea
OF riding over Philadelphia paved
streets, was noticed to awake from {
nap, rub his eyes and veil: "Sav, John,
drive slower. "-PhladciphtG Call
What is medical and surgical science
about, that it cannot cure snoring!
Here is an unhappy woman in New
York suing for divorce from the grand.
SON of Commodore Vanderbilt for en-.
dangering her life and destroying her
peace by his eXtravagant and profano
snoring. 1t is time that more atten.
ton was paid by the medical profession
20 this vicious propensity. How many
lives are made miserable by it, and yet
the doctors have never yet devised any
but the one Intellectual remedy of keep
ing the patient awake ali night.-Phl-
adelphiG Bulletin.
!: Mr.. Mugg, of Mugg. Pitcher & Co.,
tells the story of being called to a
debtor in the country who had been in
honest business for forty years and at
last given out '.Wcll, Mr.. Cream.
bowl" said Mugg. "what can we do
for you? Very bad tix?" so so, Mr..
Mugg." "What can You pay-75P
"No, not SO much" .'Well, how's
60l" 81 think not" "Thirty three,
thenp We want to be fair you know
with customer of SO long standing. "
swell, don't know exactly" said the
debtor. by the way, Mr.. Mugg,
about how much are they paying on 81
now in Boston?" ?"-Hartford Post.
There may be several of our readers
who do not know what evolutions
mean. For the benefit of such it af.
fords us pleasure to state that. accord
ing to Herbert Spencer, evolution is
simply ''an integration of matter and
cOncomitant dissipation of motion,
. during which the matter passes from
an indefinite, incoherent homogeneity
70 definite coherent heterogeneity, and
during which the retained motion un.
dergoes parallel transformation. u
Now that they know the definition OF
evolution they will marvel that it never
occurred to them before. e.-Norristoa0n
Herald.
Tho amende honorable.-A stranger
travelling ON horseback through the
backwoOds of Arkansas was very much
impressed with the familiarity that