The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-07-02
NasBy,s DREAM.
The Ex-Pcsfmaster orthc Confederit
n Roads Has Pleasant Dream
but a Terrible Awakening.

CoNFEDERIT X ROADS (Which il
n the State Nv Kentucky, June 3
1SS4.-I he'd dreem last mite wict
| wish from the bottom Nv my hear
Good be realized. 1t wuz dreem sc
rich, SO full NV everything wich WI.
deliteful. that l almost wish i heo
dide afore awakenin from it to the
cold realities NV crooel and unsym-
pathetic world. 1t wuz dreem
WITCH extendid over a considerable
space NV time.
Methawt | wuz a delegate to the
Dimekratic Nashnel Convenshun
from this deestrik in Kentucky.
wuz entirely happy, for | he'd rooms
at a fust class hotel and plenty Nv
money. for he'd promised the man
ayers NV all NV the candidates to
vote for their man, and wuz reseev-
in money from each. In addishun
he'd sold all five Nv the tikklts |
he'd at nv disposal to the cenven-
shun TO outsiders, and he'd turned a
handsome penny buyin up from the
other delegates, and sellin agin at a
higher price. All the delegates wuz
on the make. only he'd sooperior
intelligence.
1t wuz adeliteful experience, only
it wuz in my sleep. Thank heaven
for sleep All my good times | hev
In nv dreems. We wuz about to
concentrate on Tilden, Saml j., his
bari hevin bin tapped at both eends
and
THE BUNG KNOCKED OUT.
The old gentleman he'd actooally
determined to be a candidate on a
reform platform, and wuz buyin up
NV delegates at a rate wich l never
dreemed he was capable NV. No
matter wat may be sed Nv his hon
isty, ther amt no doubt ez to his lib
erality or his akkerit knellege Nv the
makeup of dimekratic convenshuns.
| he'd sold out to him four times,
and SO he'd the heft NV the delegates,
and we got our money every time.
Samyoeel's managers sed that so sot
wuz the old man on the question NV
reform that he'd scoop the nomina-
shun ef he he'd to buy every dele
gate to the convenshun.
Jist ez we he'd made upour minds
to vote for him and end the matter,
we received dispatch from Moo
York that the old man he'd bin
struck with paralysis and his rite
side wuz completely ded. His man
ayers were appalled, at the terrible
intelligence, but not so the delegates.
One gentleman from lnjeany riz to
his feet and demanded in thunder
tones ef he Good still yoose his left
hand
He kinl' wuz the reply.
every good, then. He KIN sign
checks with his left hand, and so
long ez
KIN SIGN CHECKS
he is a good enuff reform candidate
for me. With him ez our standard
barer the Dlmocrisy Nv Injeany
will pay cash for likker this Fall
any how"
Then the dreem went on. We
went into the campane, and ] mov-
ed Immediately to Injeany, bekoz
thar amt no money in bein Dimy
krat in Kentucky. Kentucky is
safe enyhow, and when asked Til
den for cash contribooshens for the
campane l was met with chillin
refoosle. "The Reform tikkit kin
kerry Kentucky anyhow" wuz the
chillin response, land my money
must go into the doubtful States"
Inieany being a doubtful State, |
went over ther, and threw my sole
into the work. L got the posiShen
of disburser in Congressional dees-
trict, and when the eleckshun come
/ voted six times, gittin my three
dollars per vote with the rest Nv
EN-.
In my dreem Tilden was elected
on the reform ishoo, and then come
the millennium. We didn't pay
much attenshun to questions Nv
public polisy, but we did make
eileen sweep NV all the Republican
offis-holders. We spared nothin.
One armed soljers was throwd out Nv
places, ez well ez wimmen wich held
small post-offises.
THERE wUZN'T A Offs,
no matter how small, which we
couldn't find a Dimekrat willin to
take. There wuz wher we COM
menced the work Nv Reform.
Nv course | got the post-oflis at
the Corners. The niger Lubbock,
which he'd held it since Grants first
inoggerashun wuz relegated to his
shoe bench, and | was installed in
his place. The salary wuzn't large.
but ther wuz perkisits. | didn't
have the handlin NV any letters con-
tainin remittances for noosepapers,
so | got no revenoo from that. The
Republicans in this visinity, ez soon
ez wuz installed, mailed ther letters
containin money for noospapers at
other ofiises. becoz, ez they remarkt,
they he'd been interdoosed to me,
and the Dimocrisy don't take no
noosepapers. This source NV reve-
moo wuz cut off entirely.
But there wuz other things wich
did pay. / reserved on a average
six letters day addressed to the
Looseaner and other lotteries, and
them ! capchered. / believe that
games OF chance is immoral. Shood
/ encurridge my people in this wick
ednis? No, and to cure 'em OPEN
ed the letters and didn't let 'em
know that / he'd the money, hopin
that after trying several times for a
prize and gettin nothin, they wood
desist. There is many ways NV
sERvIS THE LORD,
and hev my pekoolyer way. And
it wuz with grim satisfackshen that
opened Bascom's regler remittanc-
es to Moo Orleans for lottry tickits,
and went over and paid him for his
likker in the same.
quit goin to Bascom's almost al
together. | preferred to sit in my
offs, by a open winder, thro wich |
Good see the smoke of McPelter's dis
tillery risin gracefully to the hevins.