Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1884-06-04

where TO go when short OF money
-go to work.-Ex.
Many broker is a poor finance
seer.-Boston Courier.
The hairdresser's widow is relict
of barberism.-N. Y. Graphic.
A member of the Shaker fraternity
"a man with an attack of the ague.
The Judge.
The sweet singer of Michigan, ac-
cording to the Graphic, oils her hair
with poem-aid.
1t sounds somewhat paradoxical to
say that cremationis is "gainingg ground"
New York Journal.
Long-winded preachers may not be
very musical, but they are great COM
posers.-Texas Siftings.
A Rockland woman calls her hus-
band "a glacier" because he moves
so mortally slow.-Rockland Courier.
"What is syntax?" asked the teach
err. "A saloon license is sin tax"
shouted the son of a prohibitionist.-
Ex.
An editor in the west was recently
attacked by footpad. The footpad
escaped without losing anything
Elk.
Nothing startles man more than
unexpectedly touching a dogs cold
nose, unless it is meeting man with
bill.-Ex.
Half loaf is better than none,"
as the fellow said who was kicked out
Of a bar room at noon, where he
usually put in the day.--Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
When Longfellow's Alpine maiden
said to young Mr.. Excelsior "Stop,
oh, stay did she think he was a
dude and ought to wear a corset?-
Merchant Traveller.
A ghost has been discovered in
Lewiston, Me-, who wakes up man
every morning at 5 o'clock.-Post.
That is the time he ghost to work,
probably.-Boston Bulletin.
A mule with five legs has been born
in Alabama. We shall look for a
large falling off in the population of
that State within the next six or eight
years.-Burlington Free Press.
Henry Dore, of Rochester, was
kicked by horse Sunday and receiv-
ed broken leg. Now let somebody
sing Never take the horseshoe from
the Dore" to him-The Hatchet.
Mary Ellen Chase says there will
be three women to one man in heaven.
We know who the man is likely to
be, but for the life of us can't place
the three women.-Peoria Transcript.
A Pennsylvania man left his wife
because she always made him enter
the back door. We naturally infer
that the cook was not particularly
good looking.-Burlington Free Press.
"What do you learn from the para
bic of the wise and foolish virgins?' p
was asked in Texas Sunday school.
"That we must watch every hour for
the bridegroom" blushing Calves
town girl eplied.-Galvestown News.
One of the results of the panic is
the fact, cabled from London, that
several wealthy Americans abroad
will be obliged to return home imme-
diately. And another that several at
home will want to go abroad.-Bos-
ton Post.
Civilization is progressing regularly
at Ceur d'Alene. The first wedding
was celebrated on the first day of this
month the first gospel sermon was
preached on the 9th. The next thing
in order is for some fellow to die with
his boots off-Chicage Times.
When the musical critics of Gin
cinnati are not writing, they are work.
ing in the lard factories. That ac-
counts for the frequency Of the state
ment that "the piece was well rem
dered," as found in concert notices.
New Orleans Picayune.
"Why didn't 60 to her assis-
tancep ?" said the man who staid in
bed while his wife laid out burglar.
"Young man, I've had number of
tussles with the old gal, and knew
that burglar had trouble enough with
out my giving him any."-Ex.
A little girl sat on the floor crying.
After awhile she stopped and seemed
buried in thought. Looking up sud
denly she said: mamma, what was
/ crying about" Because / wouldn't
let you go down town." "Oh, yes"
and she set up another howl.-Ex.
Mamma" said little girl, "do