The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-07-18
WHY WE LAUGH.
II you would be wealthy get upon mule;
you will soon find you are better Of.

you will soon find you are better OF.
The fastest fashionable craze is going to
Europe to get married. This Is as bad as
going to Saratogs to get drink Of water
Burlington Free Press.
"Thou canst not give to me the old.time
swsetness."-Lilia Cushman. How much
better this sounds than "You can't give me
any afy."-Boston Post.
II the faults of man were turned to virtues
and his virtues to faults, he would be 30
nearly perfect that-well, he couldn't stay
here, that's the truth Of the matter.-Arkdn-
sdo Traveller.
A school teacher in Lawrence, Mass, re-
Gently fell heir to $50, 900. She Immediately
bought ton of pure, assorted spruce gum
and retired for the rest Of her life.--Buting-
ton Free Press.
Who wrote the most-Dickens, Warren or
Bulwer? Warren wrote Snow and Them"
Bulwer wrote stNight and Morning." and
Dickens wrote "All the Year Round."-Dry
Goods Bulletin.
A Bismarck youth received Q reply to .
marriage proposal, which said: "If youle
Quit ehawa Tobacker lie haf you, Jim, but
Never can haf mi Rest disturbed BY sich A
fowl Breth IS yoursn."-Bismdrck Tribune.
Wife--"This is q nice time to come homo.
You ought to have come three hours ago."
Husband-"Couldn't come. 'mposhible-
hic--free hours go" Wife--"Why not ?"
Husband Washn't-hic--full, free hours
go" .
An exchange says: "Great excitement
prevails in Clackamas county, Or, over the
reported discovery Of o verltsble wild wo-
man." We suppose the woman across the
street has better looking bonnet.-Boston
Post.
A colored man went into Galveston
newspaper Office and wanted to subscribe to
the paper. "How long dc you want 1t ?"
asked the clerk. "Jes' as long as 1t Is, boss;
II 1t don't Fl: de shelves, / kin tar piece Of
myself"
Cincinnati Enquirer (Dem): "a CORE
spondent writes from Arkansas to ask II Mr..
Tilden Is married. Mr.. Tilden is not mar
ried; and while we are about 1t, dear sir, We
may IS we'll inform you that Andrew Jackson
Is dead"
Gen. Butler has had form of acceptance
printed for his own use in correspondence
with National Conventions. At the top Is
his portrait In one corner and his record In
the other. 1t looks like Western railroad
time table.
"Why Is this butter like Samson?" asked
the spruce young man who tends the ribbon
counter, but the lxndlady looked sternly at
him, remarking: "You'd better settle last
weeks bill," and the cream Of the joke was
lost.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
"How Is your father coming on?" asked
Colonel Percy Yerger Of darkey he used to
own before the war. "Hs am dead" "Dead,
is he? He must have reached an advanced
age." "He did dat, for fac. He was libin'
up to de berry day OBJ his def."-Teras
Siftings.
aDoctor, I want to thank you for your
great patent medicine" at helped you, did
it2" asked the doctor, very much pleased.
at helped me wonderfully" "How many
bottles did You find it necessary to take ?"
| "Oh, didn't take any Of 1t. My uncle took
one bottle, and am his sole eir."-Ne,o
York Sun.
aPapa," said little boy to the proprietor
of . great daily, "what does 1t mean when
an editorial is printed in your paper with the
lines so far apart?" at means, my sen,n
was the reply, "that the editor combines .
shortage Of ideas with the mistaken notion
that he has said something. g."-Philadelphid
Call.
Grandpa-"What Bob in love with Miss
Fontalba, the comic actress ut the Parthe-
nonp ?" Bob firing up)-"Yes, Grandpa;
and II you've got word to say against that
lady 1t had better not be said in my presence,
that's ALL" Grandpa-II say word against
her! Why, bless your heart, my dear boy, |
was head over ears In love with her myself
when was your age"--London Punch.
"Thsre Is this difference between u.s." said
the needy tramp, looking the editor full in
the eye. "You fill . long felt want and
want long. felt fill." The editor wept, and
with many q mufiled blow hewed oG Q frsg
ment of q wedding cake that had been sent
In with the notice and handed 1t 10 the wan
derer. "Fill up on that" he said, "and you
will feel IL long after all trivial fond record,
have been wiped away from the subtraction
table of your memory."-Burlingto Hd,ck
eye.
"Ma," said small boy, as they were tax
| ing the train out Of town few days ago
"you'll see somethin' funny when We gel
back" "Whet will 1t be?" inquired the
mother. "Why, all the buildin's will be I
| different color" "Nonsense, child; whai
gave you that idea?" "Well, pa told Mr.
Smith last night that when you and me wenl
away he was gein' to paint the town red,
and then he wondered why his mother
wouldn't let him stand up on the seat or buy
him any candy.--Boston Post.
Speaking Of illiterate men running fol
public Office, look at Mcdonald, Of Indiana
He doesn't know Greek root from Little
i Neck clam. Yet We don't believe he wouls
make bad President by any means. Con
gresham Lyman Of Massachusetts, Opposes
Logan, and calls him can illiterate person,
because Logan says "can't" for "cawn't.'
The fact Is, these fellows must cut loos,
from the notion that man who dossn'
gargle his words is ineligible 70 Office
Philadelphia Press.