The Evening critic., 1884-05-08
AS SHE is WROTE.
Tho BAD English of EpItnph,

NS SAAH 49, bhO
Tho BAD English of EpItnphs.
In tho little book, "English as She is WROTE"
chapter is given to the eccentrlcitlcs OF cpl.
taph writing.
terse account OF an untlmely end is given
upon stone In Mexican churchyard:
He was young, he was fair,
But the Injuns raised his hair.
Tho following may be read upon tho tomb
siono OF Lotto Merrill, the young huntress OF
wayne County, Pennsylvania; "LOttie Morrill
lays hero she dlden't know wot 1t was to be
Altered but sho has had her last tussel with
the bars and they've scooped her sho was a
good girl and she is now I'm heaven. IL took
six big bears to get away with her. Sho was
only 10 years DID,"
Upon tho tomb OF boy who died of eating
too much fruit, this quaint opltaph conveys q
moral;
currants have checked tho current OF my
blood,
And berries brought mo to DO buried hore;
Pears have pard of my body's hardlhood,
And plums and plumbers spare not one 80
spare.
Fain would feign my fall; so fair faro
Lessons not hate, yet It's a lesson good.
Gilt Will not long guilt, such thin washed
Wears quickly, and Its rude touch soon Is
Grave on my grave some sentences grave and
That lies not as It lies upon my clay,
But In gentle strain of unrestrained verse,
u o
Rehearses was fruitful TO my hoarsc,
Tells that my days are told, and soon I'm
TOLD away.
In Glasgow Cathedral Is an epitaph, which
ie engraved on the lid OF very old sarco-
phagous, discovered In tho crypt'
Our Llfe's flying Shadow, Gods the Pole,
The Index pointing at him Is our Soul,
Death's the Horizon, when our Sun Is set,
Which VIII through Chryst Resurrection get.
In graveyard at Montrose, In Scotland, this
inscription may still be seem
Here llos the body OF
George Young
And all his posterity for
fifty years backwards.
This brief announcement may BIO read In
Wrezham churchyard, Wales:
Hero lies Ave babies and children dear
Threo ut Owestry and two here,
In churchyard near London the following
may DO deciphered
Killed by an omnibus why not?
So quick death boon Is.
Let not his friends lament his lot,
For mors omnibus communis.
There is an unqualified Hlbernlanlsm In the
following:
Here lies tho remains OF
Thomas Melstrom who died
In Philadelphia March 18th
Had he lived he would have
been buried here.
A good deal Of positive Information is con-
veyed in this epitaph;
Here lies, cut down like unrlpe fruit,
The wife OF Deacon Amos Shute:
She died ofdrinking too much cofree,
Amy diminy eighteen forty.
To the victim OF an accident:
Hero lies the body OF James Hambrck, who
was accidentally shot In tho Pacas River by n
young man with one of Colts large revolvers
with no stopper for the hand TO rest on. 1t
was of tho old fashioned sort, brass mounted
and OF such Is the Kingdom OF Heaven.
William Curtis, who was famous for his bad
grammar, may have composed his own cpl.
taph:
Hero lies william Curtis
Our late Lord Mayor
Who has left this world,
And gone to that there,
In q churchyard in London, evidently
written by a eockney:
Kicked by Hoss.
One John Round was lost at sea, ana In the
graveyard OF his native place q stone was
erected, with the following couplet inscribed
thereon:
Under this bed lies John Round,
Who was lost at sea and never found.
In an old churchyard In Ireland;
Here lies John Highley, whose father and
mother were drowned on their passage to
America. Had they lived they would have
been buried here.
In churchyard In Ohio:
Under this sod
And under those trees
Lieth the Bod
Y OF Solomon Pease.
He's not in this hole
But only his pod,
He shelled out his soul
And went up TO his God.
From a tombstone In Cornwall, England:
Father and mother and 1
Lie buried here asunder;
Father and mother lie buried here,
And lie buried yonder.
on stone near Appomat.ox Courthouse,
Virginia:
Robert O. Wright was born June Goth 1872
Died July 2, 1915 by tho blood thrusty hand
Of John Sweeney Sr Who was massacred by
the NlEe then London Gun discharged ball
wound.
AT Middleton, Conn.,, is the following;
This lovely, pleasant child
Ho was our only one,
Altho' we've buried three before
Two daughters ana son.
The controlling power of rhyme is we'll IL
Isstostrated In the subIoined, from tombstone
In Mancheseri
All that remains OF Nicholas Novelty,
n. Bills name was Newton.
Another Instance OF how rhyming dlflcul-
ties may be overcome is as follows:
Here lies tho remains Of Thomas Woodhen,
The most amiable of husbands and excellent
OF men.
N. Bills real name was woodcock, but it
wouldn't come In rhyme. His widow.
The subjolned contains n solemn warning
My wife has lett me, she's gone up on high,
She was thoughtful ,whilo dying, and said,
she was great beauty, as everyone knows,
with Hoeellko features and flno Roman
sho played tho plany, and was learning a
ballad,
When sho sieSened and dle.dld from eating
veal salad,
Upon tombstone I'm Pennsylvania:
Battle OF Shiloh.
April 1862
John ID. l.. was born March 90 1899 In tho
town OF West Dresden State OF New York where
tho wicked cease from troubling ana the
weary are at rest.
A tombstone In Plusneld, Mass, has these
lines;
Whenyou my friend are passing by
And this inform you whore lie,
Remember you ere long must have,
Like me, mansion in the grave,
Also Infants, sons and Il daughter.
Given UnfbY DOctOrs,yS
''Is It possible that hIrs Godgrsyfs up ana al
work, ana cured by 81 staphsfn remedy?"
"I assure you II isfEHetha he is entirely
cured, ana with noLbAfglput Hop Bittors; an1
only ten days aSssrs poaors gave him up and
"Well-aI5Ry That's remarkablel Will 60
| this dAytdnd got some for my poor George
| knQyrhops arc good"