St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1884-04-05
Debating a Letter.

"Now, my dear" said Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, when his wife had propped him up
in bed and stuffed some extra pillows Un-
der his shoulders; ''now, my dear, take
your pen and ink and I will dictate a
letter to Specklewottle. If you will
play amanuensis [ don't see why | cam t
be sick just as well as not
Mrs. Spoopenkyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials.
'Shall | write on q card with a gilt
edge, or shall take note paper?" She
asked.
You'd better use paper,' replied
Mr.. Spoopendyke, severely. "When
want to convey my ideas ona single I'll
carve 'em in with a knife. Now get
ready, for I'm going to start, and don't
you interrupt me or you will put me
out. y
"All ready, dear, murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into the
ink and contemplating her husband
anxiously.
"Mr. PeterB. specklewottIe," COM
menced Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Is his middle name 'Bp' asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand, and
testing her pen on the blotter. 'IGon't
think | like his name, anyway. Peter
isn't nice"
eff any other name occurs to you,
put it in, observed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
with a growl. You don't need to
have mans right name in letter.
Put in anything and hurry up, will you?
Going to keep me in suspense all day
about who this letter is going to?''
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for moment.
Now, I've got him in, DEAR
SCOT who in? Anybody I know?
Am I debating a private letter to
stranger? Got some particular friend
you want this note to 90 to unbeknown
to me? Who's in there?" I'm going to
know who's at the top before put my
name at the bottom"
"Why, Mr., Specklewottle, of course"
said she, looking at him with wide open
eyes. "That's what you said Now
go on with the rest"
"Have you got the date and dear sir
in, too?" asked Mr.. Spoopendyke, peev-
ishly, for he was trying to think how he
should start his letter.
mo, dear, you didn't say anything
about those, replied his wife. 'sYou
only said the name, but I'll put the
others in"
"Will, will yep croaked Mr.. spoop-
endyke. s'Sticking on great deal OF
credit to yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt ye? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband? Well, you can't
fool me that much. Don't put 'em in;
hear me?''
'Bu5 I've got 'em in, pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendye.
"Then strike 'em outr' roared her
husband. ''S'pose I'm going to let you
put those things in and throw EN- in
my face from the moment I get well till |
the day | dieP Scratch EN- out, l tell
ye; don't propose to have nv life
made miserable by reminders of your |
kindness when was fishing around in
the grave with one leg! Now what have
you got?''
''Peter B, Speck1ewottle,n said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, mentally satisfied there
could be no mistake in that.
Anything to show whether he's
man or a Woman?" demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke. '.Any Mrs or Esq
hanging to it anywhere?'
Certainly" replied Mrs. spoopen-
dyke. 1T says Mr.. Peter B. Speekle-
wOttle.' That's the way you told me to
write it. didn't you? Now go on with
the letter.
'.rhen put: 4 am dying, and wish
you
Great graciousr' calculated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her pen. .'You
are not dying, dear; you don't want the
man to think that!'
why not?" squealed Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke. Spose man is going fourteen
blocks out of his way to get the mail
for man who has only a cold in his
head? You put it that I'm dying, or
[ II drop over into that corner and write
the whole letter with one application of
the inkstand!"
go on, DEAR cooed Mrs. spoopen-
1yke. "PVe got it so; only he may
,hink it strange that dying man should
write to him. 2
''Then say, 4 want you to get my
nail from the Office, and tell them T
will be over in day or two Got
;hat?"
yes giggled Mrs. spoopendyke.
'Anytbing else?"
''What're you laughing at?' howled
Mr Spoopendyke, on whom the incon.
gruities Of his letter had begun to dawn.
What have you got that measly mouth
If yours stretched out like dodgasted
srave- yard for? Think I'm debating
ionic almanac? Got g notion that this
etter is one kind of a rebus? Well, it
init. and it amt minstrel entertain
nent with funny man at each end!
Vhat're you laughing at? Anybody in
his cO11ntr,7 EpoIn 2s3