Connecticut western news., 1884-01-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

WHAT is it has mouth and never speaks, and bed md never sleeps ? A river.
 TIE gods give nothing really goed md beautiful without labor and diii- genee.
 WE can never go back, but there is not point from which we may not 60 upward.
 ONE of the greatest blessings you can enjoy is tender, honest, and enlight- ened conscience.
 TIE art of living easily as to money is to pitch your scale of living one degree below your means.
 A NEW STORY is entitled, "He does not speak as he used to- No, they arc probably married now.
 ouR grand business is, not to soc what lies dimly nt distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.
 "HAcKrp to Death" is suggested as an inscription for the tombstones of visitors who die at Niagara.
 CouRrINo Q girl is paying her ad- dresses. Marriage is paying for her dresses md all the other ixings.
 A YANKEE editor, observing that "tho census embraces 17,0oo, 900 women," asks: "Who wouldn't bo q census"
 A TEXAS man is Texas man. Ono who lost both arms in q sawmin hns learned to fire revolver with his toes.
 "HrpE is that little sum that I owe you" "Ah had completely forgot ten it." "You should have told me that sooner w--FFeneh Fun.
 A WOMAN can rip and tear and darn and yet be considered sweet-tempered; but just let a man do it, md people will say all manner of hard things about him.
 HAVE you seen my dear love ?" sings Ella Wheeler. We have, indeed, and he was eating oysters with another girl There, now Don't bother us any more.
 AFTER seeing the poem that Al. Tennyson got Sl, 900 for, all we have 10 say is that we'll give him fifty per cent. to sell horse and a bull-dog for us.-- Boston Post.
 A LITTLE girl was asked by her teacher what three kinds of bees thoro were. She answered that there was the queen bee, and the others, che believed, were the king and the jack.
 "You'vE no idea what horror 1t gives a man to steal up behind a girl who is scribling, look over her shoulder, and find that she's idly writing your namo with Mrs. prehxed."
 TIE Boston 7ravclicr says that n man who was sent to prison for having two wives excused himself by saying that when ho had one sho fought him, but when he had two they fought each other
 A BAVARIA editor urged in his news- paper that the King did not appear in public often enough. The King has managed it so that tho editor will not appear in public for two months, s,--Bos' ton Globe.
 GEN. MARTIN, the new Mayor of Bos- ton. was a truck driver less than thirty years ago. This shows how easy il is to make mistakes. We had supposed from his wealth that he was hack driver.-- Philadelphia Call.
 REv. MR. DouoHoAKE, having re- eeived nothing from his promised salary, waited on the deacons and requested an allowance. But we thought you worked for tho master" said Brother Brownlow. "so do," replied the i'm pecunious preacher, "but sometimes l am constrained to look to the paymnster. "
 SuE was off on her bridal tour and it was the first time that she had made tho acuunintanee of n sleeping.car. "Oh, dear 70 she exclaimed, when she found where she was Co sleep. "Oh, dear ! Can't we have Q larger roomp Tell tho proprietor we'll tako one on the third or fourth floor if he'll only give us larger one.
 "Now, Mir. Lawyer" said the dying man, ''I want you to fix it in the will so that my son Joe won't get cent. He is T worthless fellow, md will spend his money in n week." "oh, that's all right" said the lawyer, politely. "rll take care of it. m sec that he doesn't get anything" And he didn't Neither did anybody else.
 TIE editor of tho Rome, N. Y.i Son tiael shouts "Give us Froo Lumber ]" If there is a person in the world entitled to free lumber it is an editor. It there is A person who gets more of it, though in the shape of cord.wood for suhHcrip- tions. it is the editor. Yes, for heavens sake. send him load of lumber "iree," aud see what he will make of it-Pcok's Sun.
 "wHAr memorable event happened in 1s859" asked the professor The student hesitnied moment and then answered, cflusively: "Why, yes, of course, was born in 1865" Professor -"The war of tho Rebellion was ended in 1885" Smdent-."Funny, ain't itP The war was ended and I was begun in the same year. That's what call a singular coincidence,
 THERE was young man out in Arizona who once declined pressing invitation to favor a select company with a song. "oh, really, you must OK cuse me" said he, "I tell you can't sing. don't come of singing family Why, there was my old father, he used to try Old Hundred, but he had so little ear for music that he never got more than Ninety out of the tune" Tur SHARKS. Florida fishermen Iid l l. l. u --N- -L-