The Mineral argus., 1884-09-11
Witty scintillatiOns.


Paris Beacon.
Naomi was $50 years old before she
was married. The ice-cream business
must have got a good start during
Naomiis maidenhood.
$50 you've been to Saratoga, Mrs,
Greene?" eyes, and it's a regular
swindle. Everybody praised the water
there,as being very beneficial; and ]
went to work and had made for me 9
lovely bathing-suit. And if you'll be-
leve me there was no chance to show
it after I got there. The people don't
battle in the water; they only drink it."
Boston Transcript.
A crowded horse-car. Enter Mrs.
Mulcahey with q jug. Mr.. Mahoney,
who is seated (facetiously-"Wud /
hould the whiskey for yez, Misthress
Muleahey?" Mrs. NJ. with sarcasm)-
THANK yez kindly, sor; but yez have
all ye can hould now, I'm thinking
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
The news of Mr.. Lowell's illness re-
minds the Detroit Post of the remark
of a old Vermont farmer: at don't
see 40 use," said he. in Comment send
in Ministers to England all the while;
the lazy scamps don't preach half the
time when they git there"
Effects of Observation-Disclosures ex-
pands and cold contracts" Professor
"Corrcrt. Give an example" Student
During the summer the affections Of
city people for their country relations
expand and in winter they contract
Philadelphia Call.
AnIndiana colored lawyer, in trying
to get his client out of custody, ex-
claimed: "Da is a law dat's called 'hab-
his carcass an TIE goin' to ! alb de car
cass oh dat client o. mind. dead O.
alive"
what are you slowing up for?"
yelled a freight conductor to an engi-
neer on one of our Vermont roads.
"Why, we've run over a book agent"
"Drat it all, then, why don't you keep
on? We can't kill him unless the
whole train u n over him. "7Burling-
ton Free Press.
"Well, Jonn," said old man Jordan
to his young friend, "you have just
been married, 1 hear" eyes, SIR"
he answered, with. a spring-morning
smile, 'just a month ago, and / want
you to go up to dinner with me to-day"
Have you got a cook" "No." well,
my boy, s'pose we go to the restaurant
this time. You must remember 1 had
a young wife once myself"
Prospective Bride-"How long ought
a honeymoon to last, map"
Ma-"They usually last only a few
weeks, but I knew one to last three
months"
"How delightful Who was the
bride?
Twas"
perhaps mine will, too"
81 fear not. The country is not
troubled with sectional issues now"
"Why, what difference does that
maker"
Il was married to your father the day
before he went off with the three months
volunteers. "-PhiladeIphia Call.
"John," said the proprietor of a sea-
side restaurant to his hired man, you'll
have to take q spade and go down to the
beach and see if you can find a clam;
the one we made the chowders with is
missing. Been eaten by one of the WIS.,
itors, l guess. Some of those city peo-
pie want the world, by iings !"-Som-
erville Journal.
"Why is this butter like Samson ?"
asked the spruce young man who tends
the ribbon counter; but the landlady
looked sternly at him, remarking:
you'd better settle last weeks bill"
and the cream of the joke was lost
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Yes, a baby is the most dependent of
the animal creation. He is unable to
help himself; but he soon gets over that
and helps himself to everything he can
lay his hand to. Sometimes he wants
the earth and tries very hard to get it.
Boston Transcript.
Just as the Fulton ferryboat was leav-
ing the Brooklyn slip Says the Sum, a
young woman, clinging to the arm of her
leaned backward till she
could see the top of the bridge tower,
and remarked: ooh, how high!' II
have been more than three times as high
as that, said the man, 'I know you
at was when they had the cap
tive balloon down at Coney Island"
"Oh," said the young woman, thought
fully, 81 thought it was that night you
came home from the picnic"