davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1884-12-13

''you have only been looking into .
looking-glass.
Unto looking-glass, my dear?'
Exactly so. During the last hour
you have seen yourself as you-appear
to- the world. How do you like the re-
fection?"
She laid her hand lightly on his
shoulder as she spoke. Philo May
burne sat stroking his whiskers medita-
lively, without answering.
'.Am l really as disagreeable a.
that?" he asked presently.
Eyes, quite"
~ hadn't any idea of itr'
because you have never seen your
self as others see YOU"
Another silence ensued, and then Mr..
Mayburne spoke again.
''Josie, nobody shall ever see ma
again in that light"
Philo Mayburne kept his word, and
to this day Mrs. Jonesbury has never
left off wondering what mysterious
agency wrought such marvellous
change in the spirit of Philip May.
burne's dream.
'For he amt like the same man, no
more, he ANTI" truthfully observed
Mrs. Jonesbury.-Boston Budget.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1884-12-13

A life insurance man got into row
with man. and let him pound him ur
pretty thoroughly. aa
my, N.Y. said the President OF
the company. when he reported, "what
did you do that for? Weren't YOU .
bigger man than he wasp
s.Yes, sir, and / could have licked
chin under ordinary circumstances, but
he pulled gun on me."@
''Why didn't you kill him on the
spot? You would have been cleared
by any jury in the land
May be | would, but didn't want
to do it,
''Well, you ought to be discharged
for cowardice. I've got no patience
with such man.. continued the Presi-
dent, getting hot under the collar.
Hold on. don't be rash, sir, could
have killed the. man very easily, but
blast the luck, I'd written him an un-
conditional policy on his life only last
week, in this company. for $40, 900. and
didn't feel that it was exactly BUSH
ness-like to kill the blamed brute adssS
stick the company in that style.' -
''O-ah- indeed" hemmed -
President, ''that puts IL in differ,ro. r.
light. Mr.. Bookkeep, give this gtlss
stiennan go Discretion gathers q %
deal Of moss. "--.AsrohqM grsreler,
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1884-12-13
pUNGENr PARAGRAPHS.

They were sitting on the porch of the
Grand Union at Saratoga Are you
fond of works Of art. Mr.. Browne?"
she asked. Very" he replied, gazing
at her with undisguised admiration
N. Y. Sun.
eff baby cries." says an ex-
change, swarm its feet before you dose
it, 1t is nothing new, we understand,
to warm baby when it cries; but. un-;
fortunately, parents do not usually con-
fine the operation to the little ones
feet. Albany Journal.
Mr.. Smith Ito Mrs. Parvenu who
has been telling him about her new
house) IL suppose you will have dumb
walters in the house? Mrs. Pho
shan't! 1 had a deaf cook once, and
vowed then never to have another Grip
pied servant. Boston Transcript.
s-"Your trip to Italy must have been
very pleasant" said young lady to
Simpson. who had just returned from a
foreign strand. 'Very interesting, in
deed" answered he. "Now, tell me-"
said she, "does Italy really look like a
boot? You know that's the way it
looks on the map"
Without dom anything ter deserb
il, de uwfhab gaiped>de name o. bein'
wise. Dis is jest.h4case he's got err big
head an err mouf DIT amt allus open.
Itain't sense. doxgh. dat keeps de
owls mouf shet, for when he do open
it he kahn say nothin'. De tongue dat
is KEEP still on account o. sense. says
somethin' smart when it do speak
Arkaasaio Trareler--
American Editor-So you would
like position on my paper? London
Journalist-Yes, sir; Ihave 'ad much
experience in Lon'on, sir. at so
happens that the only position vacant
is that of paragraph writer. Are you
pretty good at paragraphs?" 30, yes.
sir; ave three paragraphs already
written at my 'otel" ''Well. fetch
them over" with pleasure. sir; just
as soon as can ire wheelbarrow.
Exchange.
Little Nell-"But, mamma, / can't
have q picnic without sending invita-
tons, you know" Mamma-"Well I
will write them for you" Little Nell
but they have to be printed. Jennie
Blanks ma had hers printed, and there
was 'propriate motto that's what
Jennie calledit--in one corner. 1 can't
remember what it was, though"
Mamma it would not do to
use the same motto, of course. Can't
you think of onep" Little Nell-"O!
yes, the verse had in Sunday-school
last week would be just the thing"
Mamma-sIndeedI What was it?''
Little Nell--s'Go to the ant, thou
sluggard. "--Phitadeiphia Call.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1884-12-13
MY WIFE'S AWAY.

What's that sensation round my heart
That feels as IL I'd lost a part
OF self. and makes my feelings smart?
My wifes away.
What happy voice at rosy morn,
On music s wing that once was borne,
Is missed, and things look so forlornl
My wifes away.
What makes me have the bluest blues,
And all the world curse and abuse,
And sulky melancholy choose?
Ny wife's away.
What's vacant at the table-head,
Where, angel-like, dispensing bread,
She sat, and now blank instead?
My wife's away.
What ais my undergarment kit?
Not one of them will rightly sit
1t drives me nearly in fit.
My wife's away.
The socks-not two of them will pair;
The shirts-not one without a tear;
The buttons, too, are never there.
The sooty servant now is boss,
And turns her nose up with a toss,
And looks at me internal cross.
My wife's away.
What makes the evenings seem so long
And still as night, where once a song
Or music sweet charmed time along2
My wlfe's away.
My wife, God bless her angel face,
And bring her safe to my embraced
To me the empress of the race.
My wife's away.
IN. Y, Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1884-12-13
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

If is estimated that the South IS
spending tuSiay--twice rs much as IL
aid five years ago for education, anu
four timeyUs4Bucifns it spent in 1871.
M. de Lesseps thinks that If .
woman were once admitted 10 .ne
French Academy in ten years IL woulu
contain no men, because the Immense
snperiority Of the women would DC 50
mainly evident that masculine candi'
dates would no loager be possible.
For the proposed restoration OF ST.
Michacrs Church Mt Coventry-the sec
oud largest parish church in England.
the sum of $4,000 is required, ana
the sum of $130,O00 has already been
raised. The subscribers include jews
Roman Catholics, churchmen, dissent
ers and agpostics.N
Mrs. Almira T. Metcalf, of Provi-
dence, r. l., offers to the corporation
of Brown University tract of land on
Olney street. Providence. X. l., for the
erection of an astronomical observa-
tory. The land offered is situated
one mile from the college, and contains
thirteen acres of land.
"A Southern Baptist paper says that
General Robert L. Lee never knew
there was a religious denomination In
existence that did not believe in tho
baptism of infants until he was told,
after the war, when President of wash
ington Collegevby the Rev. John Will
lam Jones, who was pastor OF the
Baptist Church in Lexington, Va.
The right Of the laborer to his rest
is principle not sufficiently consid-
cred even in Christian families. 1t
holds for the domestics, who might
lawfully complain of the burdens OF
Sunday dinners. 1t holds for the
coachman and stable boys. who are de-
frauded by Sunday driving OF their
hope of rest. Itholds in the railway
and the steamer. as well as in the
mills and manufactures. 1t is right
on whose recognition the religious OBJ
servance of Sunday depends.-M 4.
Independent.
1T is now concluded that the college
young woman can keep secret. and
the recent annual convention OF the
Kappa Kappa Cana secret society, at
Canton, N. r., lis accepted as proof
thereof. The society has a thousand
members anda score OF chapters located
chiefly in the many institutions OF the
west and northwest, and is the biggest
thing of its kind to date Cleveland
Leader .ss>S ~
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1884-12-13
The Guiliotine's Name.

The shade of Dr. Guillotine ought to
be content! That gentleman was born
at Saintes in 174S, and died in Paris in
1914. he was professor of anatomy
and physiology, and, being an authori
ty on all sanitary questions. he was a
kind OF standing counsel on all these
matters. He exposed the charlatanism
of the divining rod and with Franklin
made joint report, in 1881, to the Con-
stituent Assembly, of which he was q
member, against the reputed miracles
of Mesmer. He did notinvent the gull
lotine, as it popularity believed; but he
nearly was executed by it, as he was ar
rested during the Reign of Terror, and
escaped, like so many others, by the
fall and execution of Robespierres His
political enemies, the Royalists, called
the machine after him; the name stuck
and saddened the poor doctors
remaining years. In his memoirs
he never alludes even to that in
strument. The doctor proposed to the
Assembly that since the law declared
equality before the executioner. mode
of punishment ought to be devised
where all would be executed alike. Till
then mobiles had the privilege to be de-
capitated by the ak or sword, and that
forfeit of life carried with it no disgrace
for the victims family. The plebeians
were hanged, and that death was asso-
ciated with infamy. DR.. Guillotine, ad-
dressing the Assembly, advocating, for
purely phiianthropic reasons the rapid
dispatch of the condemned, said:
with my instrument Iacan whip off
your head In the twinkling of an eve,
and without your feeling the least
pain" Explosions of laughter fol-
lowed, and the poor doctor was carica-
tured numerically. 1t was a colleague
OF the school of medicine, DIR. Louis,
that was called upon to report
on machine made by . Ger
man man named Schmid, for de-.
capitation. 1t was experimental
upon at Electra, on corpses, cats, dogs.
rabbits, poultry, etc., and pronounced
admirable. Schmid received patent
to supply the machine for the depart
ments at ''eight hundred and; twenty
four pounds each. Out of gratitude
he baptized it ''Louisette, ." but the
name did not take any more than that
of the National Razor" or the
Windmill of Silence" In the SLANG
OF the prisons it's called The Widow. z
The inventor OF the guiliotine is un-
known. possibly it is lost ia the night
of time, or dates from China. accord
ing to some old engravings, an instfu-
meRt not unlike it mas been known in
Scotland in the sixteenth century: q
variety of the machine exists in Italy,
called mannaja, and beyond doubt that
was the instrument employed to decap-
itate the Due Henri de Montmorenci,
in 1852, in Lanquedoc. The Ak was
cumberson and cruel; two blows were
required to sever the head of Mary
Queen Of Scots. four for Monmouth,
and seven for dc Thou,--znsericss
Registey,
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1884-12-13
MISCELLANEOUS.


"A false hunger ought not to be
soothed, nor a false thirst to be salts
fed, for satisfaction here is only adding
fuel to fire that would otherwise go
out.-N Y. Mail.
According to the annual police re-
port of England, recently issued, l2.411
children under ten years OF age were
lost in that country last year. Only six
were recovered.
The Southern darkey has a belief
that amounting the eyes of shying
horse with water in which chameleon
has been boiled, will cure the horse OF
the bad habit. -LOuiscitle Courier
Journal.
Some of the cleverest detectives in
New York are women. They are OF
the different types of beauty and mind
calculated to gain this or that mans
confidence and learn his secrets.-N. Y.
Herald.
Two little boys planted a third,
standing. in the sand on the beach at
Long Branch so effectually that when
the tide came up they couldn't get him
out. and but for timely aid he would
have drowned. N r. Sum-.
The bonnet of the day is described
as handful of beads and the business
end of feather. This is better bon.
net than that of last season, which re-
sembled an embroidered dishrag.-
Chicago Inter Ocean.
sit was amicably arranged" re
piled the Texas gentleman to the Coro-
ner. 81 called him liar, and he de-
manded an apology with a six-shooter."
"And did you make one?" asked the
Coroner, II did, SIR" "Was it ac-
cepted?" Eyes, SIR" Show was it
then that you shot him?" Il had to do
so to make him understand my apol-
ogy.-Teras Siftings.
Il. H. Lardner, Secretary of the
New Orleans Water Works Company,
claims to have clarified great reser-
voir of Mississippi River water con-
tanning 12,750,0O0 gallons in twelve
hours, at cost of one cent. per 10C
gallons, by continuously pouring into
the stream of water running into the
reservoir a solution of iron.--N D.
Times.
--Farjeon, the novelist. might have
made sequel to his BREAD aud Cheese
and Kisses" out of the Dayton romance
where young married man kept his
bride in a cage and fed her with bread,
bologna sausage and kisses. The revolt
of the wife took all the romance out OF
the story. but that would not spoil it
for an expert novelist.-Cleueland
Herald. ~ot
One of the Concord philosophers
is credited with lucidly renarking that
life means feeling, and feeling means
the presence of principle in all its to-
tally in every portion of an extended
whole; only such presence could con-
stitute an extended or continuous
whole. since an extended whole which
was not all at once present to some
thing unextended could not be extended.
Such life must be worth living. -Har-
per's Bazar.
"A young woman, who thought she
was losing her husbands affections
went to seventh daughter of seventh
daughter for a love powder. The mys-
terry woman told her to .Get piece of
raw beef, cut fat, about half an inch
thick. Slice an onion in two, and rub
the meat on both sides with it. Put on
pepper and salt, and toast it on each
side over red coal fire. Drop on il
three Jumps of butter and two sprigs
of parsley, and get him to eat it" The
young woman did SO, and her husband
loved her ever after.-4Albdny Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1884-12-13

"A new danger threatens society,
and it comes in the shape of the bicy-
Gle. The bicycle is almost noiseless on
a good road, and young men driving
their sweethearts would do well to keep
a sharp eye in the rear, as some very
funny things have been witnessed by
wlneelmen riding behind buggies. 1
heard how one wheelman rode behind
a buggy for some distance. quite un-
decided as to whether the pretty girl
IN the buggy, all dressed in white, had
a black sash on or not He tried the
experimsat-of-ridias elese-ap and blow
ing his whistle. and the black girdle
disappeared as if by magic. She was
wearins'f coat-sleeve With an arm 81 it.
telier "a So Lasis Spectator,
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-04-11
The Bad Bow.

"What does the doctor say about your
pa Z" said the grocerman to the bad boy
"Will he pull through 2"
PA is better, thanks to careful nurs
ing. You see pa began finding fault
with me again because | didn't play more
jokes on him. | told him that people
were getting an idea that was mean as
pusley, because played jokes on him.
and | had quit. Pa said never mind
what people say. | am your father, and
it pleases me to have you practice on
me. think if more men allowed the
natural exuberance of youth to have its
fun at homc there would be less deviltry
done away from home. Now, if you
don't make your pa walk turkey in less
than twenty-four hours, I'll take you
across my knee, you hear The fun l
have at home is what braces me up
for political campaign Well, when
pa said that | felt that it was an unduti-
full son that would go back on his parent,
and deprive him of the excitement his
nature demanded, so | went to work to
think of something to make pa remem-
Der old times. That evening at the sup
per table, we got to talking of spinal
meningitis, and pa said some of our best
citizens were having it. He said it was
an aristocratic disease, and it was com
pliment to mans standing in society to
have it. | asked him what the first svmp-
toms were, and he said he understood it
was cold feeling along the spine. The
next morning | took about two quarts of
pounded ice, and filled the two pistol
pockets of pas pants with it, and the tail
pockets of his coat, and he put on his things
and come down to breakfast lie said the
dining-room was cold, and he rubbed his
hands, and occasionally looked sort of
scared, but he sat down to breakfast. lie
had not sat there more than minute be-
fore he told ma he didn't want any
breakfast, and he went and lay down on
the lounge. | told ma what | done, and
she lated, and pretty soon pa began to
call for ma. She went to him and told
him he looked sick. Pa said he was.
He said he had got the aristocratic dis
ease, and didn't care who knew it. He
kept getting cold. and finally concluded
to send for a doctor, and | went after
him, but | didn't hurry back. Ma, she
had a quiet talk with pa on his CON
dition, and made him believe he
was over worked and made him
promise to let politics alone, and
try to lead different life. Pa got bet
ter before long, and sat up, and when he
found his coat and pants all damp from
the pounded ice, he said he guessed he
had sweat the disease entirely out of his
system, and he changed his clothes and
eat late breakfast, but guess he found
some ice in his pockets, for when l came
in, he said: You're nice boy, amt you,
to try and play freeze-out on your poor
old pal Don't let it occur again Queer,
amt it, that a man will ycarn to have
Jokes played on him, and order them as
you would groceries, and when they
come he has to get huffy. Well l must
go spearing suckers" and the boy went
OH.-PeckS Sun.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-04-11

4 fact which has a great influence
upon the appearance Gas regards size
which an object presents, is the presence
of lines on it. Ladies understand this,
and by the judicious employment of
stripes influence their apparent figure to
a remarkable degree. The annexed illus
tration shows very clearly the influence
of lines on the apparent size of an object
The figure shows "A square space, divided
horizontally by series of lines The
height and width of this space are pre-
cisely equal, as may be proven by mcasur-
ing them with a pair of compasses, but
to the eye they appear very unequal:
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-04-11
Love for n Mother.

Next to the love of her husband, moth
ing so crowns woman's life with honor
as the devotion of son to her. We never
knew boy to turn out badly who began
by falling in love with his mother. ANY
man may fall in love with fresh faced
girl, and the man who is gallant to the
girl may cruelty neglect the poor, weary
wife in after years. But the big boy
who is lover of his mother, at middle
age is true knight, who will love his
wife in the sere leaf of autumn as he did
in the daisied spring. There is nothing
so beautifully cMvalrous as the love of
big boy for his mother. - Cottage Hearth.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-04-11
Never Got Over 1t.

"Think my conversational powers have
improved any3" he asked, simpering like
a chimpanzee.
IL don't know, I'm sure" she said,
YEARLY.
"Well, you know, when I was child
l talked like a child, and"
"You never got over it," yelled his
father, who occupied the seat behind
them.
The youth hid himself behind HIS
collar and shut up like patent coupler.
-Drdke'S Magazine.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-04-11
THE LIFE LESSON
LEARNED BY PROMINENT HUDSON
ODD FELLOW.

From the HSdsoa ~. ~ Register.
Mr. John Eltng. faithful Odd Fellow tPast Grand)
CIindslwald" No. 4i2) and member o. the Baptist
church says Ihave been, most of my acquan ances
In Hudson know. a sufferer from dyspepsia fer ten
yeas The symptoms of my maady were those whie h
a million other sufferers in tn land would recognize as
their own Beginning with Indigestion, soar stomach
and latulenee. became weak that my body became
burden too hoavy to carry. and my mind was sighted
down by gloomy dependency. After eating felt as
had ball Of glowing iron in my stoinsch my abdo
men woud bloat, and afflicted almost constantly
with sick hosdache. la lssr ling of ny condition
advised TO use DIR. DAVID KBNSEDY'S
FAVORiTE REMEDY. telling mo what in
finite deal of good had done her and whom she
knew bsgan taking it in the latter part of August
and used altogether only three bottles when il achieved
in mo tho most wonderful improvement have now
game flesh, and feo stronger hotter and happier ths
II have in tsn years. EAyORITE REMEDY cured
my friend. r. r. Hernans o, Client. of the lingering
remains of molarial fever and Of billiousnsss Mr.
Harvey Thomas, the grocer Warren street. Just b.,
low tho Worth House. THAI hai he'd wonde rully
good effects upon him. Scores of my Acquain ances
say that having tried ii they would again be
without it. have given il to my Chill ,ren and found it
tho best medicine l have known for reg dating
their bowels and purifying their blood The knowIedg,
of this medi; deem the greatest lesson of physical
ife
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-04-11
PENNSYLVANIA has the largest number o
postoiiices of any State in the Union.


MESsRs. WELLS. RICHARDSON & Co.;
Since the introduction OF your Improved
Butter Coler among my customers, it has
given universal satisfac ton. The leading
dairymen of this sect IN who have used it give
it the preference over all other colors of what
ever name or ure.
They are especially pleased with the fact
that it does not become rancid, like other oil
colors and their product brings highest price,
in the market.
W. S. NAY, Druggist.
Underhill Vt April B. 1850
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-04-11

Health first, riches afterward. All forms
of heart disease, including palpitation, rheu-
matism, spasms, bony formation, enlarge
ment, valvular arrangements, acute pains in
left breast, etc, yield to the use of DR..
Graves Heart Regulator. 81 per bottle at
DRUGGISTS
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-04-11

Weakness, DyspeI sia, Impotence. Sexual
Debility, cured by Wen Health Remover. 81.
The increasing sales Of Piso's Cure attests
its claim as the best cough remedy.
The Middlebury register and Addison County journal. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1883-1885, 1884-04-11

1t is truly wonderful to see how the name
of Mrs. Pmkham is a household word among
the wives and mothers Of our land. Alike in
the luxurious homes Of our great cities and in
tine humble cabins Of the remote frontier one
woman's deeds have borne their kindly fruit
in health for Others.