davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15
Written for the Sunday Morning Bszoo.
CONTINUED from la't Sunday Mornings BazOo.
THE WIDOWS DREAM.


a THRILLING ACCOUNT OF A LEAP YEAR DIsAsTEE
IN THIS CITY.
The widow, you mind, was somewhat aggTieved
Ger the way DR.. A, her question received.
But her courage high and her heart beat Alright
And soon she had conquered her ST. dden alright;
And she said to herself, "My stars! am glad
He didn't accept me; his temper is bad"
Then she went on her way and she saw Mr.. e.,
Whose first name is Fred or, some say, Fred
die"
And she said: az am free to declare, tho 1 cannot
tell WHY,
am almost in love with the blue of your eye;
And, as you're along in the 'thirties, l know
You really must weary of playing the beau.
Had you better not wed? am yours to command,
A widow as likely as found III the land -"
He stopped her with: Madam, cannot, for in
Is yelow-haired girl like much the best"
Then the widow passed on. determined-tho' cute
Enough never 10 tease by her suit.
And she sped right before her the young Mr.. c.,
Tail. dark and an artist in shoe leather he.
And she hailed him with "WiIl meath the shine
of the sun
There's naught TO prevent us from being as one.
VIII you have ne ?" Alas how he t:embled and
And his best giIrs tin type in his pocket he
crushed
As he said "Pray excuse me, I'm wanting to wed
But 10 marry a widow, I'D sooner be dead"
"Oh, >" she replied, elf tibet way you fee
I'll 20 my way and I'll call On VIII ) e.
And she did and she said: Now, don't think me
bold,
But the winter is here and the nights-they are
cold.
Ipf's and I 10 oil in lau
Where I'll make suggestions aud you'll do the
Jaw"
But he sered: "Fair one, with my tender heart
am 10th 10 Dd one OF your sex To depart;
But alas! Pm 'b"neVoIent' and still must endure
The mutual delights which the many insure
And I'll bid you ia! ia If ever I'm free
Al once 10 your arms / viii hasten 10 flee"
Then again did she 90, but this time she thought
Here's five right together, III lump the whole let.
And she spoke: Mr.. NJ, of grocery fame,
AM You, Mr.. l., of hardware the same;
And you AR. T.. in dry goods so fine,
And you, Mr.. NJ also liz that line;
And you, Mr. L., who certainly ca~
Prove, in your ease, nine 'tailors' don't make up
the man,
I'm wishing 10 marry and, ere It's too late,
Pray sag if you wouldn't like me for a mate"
Then they laughed, did these wretches Of mischief
anu fun,
And they all spoke at once ana they said ave
won't shun
A good looking widow; if you'll take the blame
Wen all take a hand at your marrying game -
She was taken aback aud she made haste 10 go
With her cheeks dyed in bushes and heart in
glow.
And she never once stopped til she stood az the
door
Where the fairies OF d.eamland had led her before
Where this? do you ask, oh, can You not guess?
> Twas where the lone drug man nad gwen caress.
And then she awOke-but between you aad me
The widow believes that her dTeam-do you see p
Was token, thefuture holds much il its store
just as looming events cast their shadows before
II there should he sequel in the shape of a
wedding an eXpectlut public may count on the
details.-THE AUTHOR.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15
Water Pipe Bursted.

AT about 8 o'clock last evening one OF
the water pipes in the circuit court room,
corner of Third and Lamine. burst,
and it was some time before the water
could he shut off from the plug in front of
the building. 10 the meantime the water
seeped through the east wall of A. Meir's
upholstering establishment, under the cir
cult court room. Some little damage was
done to material of the shop. and the
plastering of the wall was injured to such
degree that new plastering will have to
be nut on.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15
Ruin Wrought in the Forest.

How depressing it is to see acres of trees
cut down in the midst of noble forest.
How saddening il is also to see that thin
spot in the midst of your otherwise album
dant hair. Stop it at once by the use of
Parker's Hair Balsam. For actual effi-
cheney this fsmsns article stands at the
head of its class. Elegant for the toilet,
delicious in edor, and restores the original
color to gray or faded hair. Economical,
as slight, occasional application keeps
the hair and scalp in perfect order.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15
LILA WEEKLY BAZOO, TUESDAY, JANUARY Is 1884.

guests. Rumors of the approach of this
very happy social event were In the air Tor
some time before il was publicly sn-
uounced In the Statesman of Tuesday
morning, and il was looked forward to
with as much pleasing anticipation by
the congregation of which Mr.. Banks is
pastor and by the large circle of friends
and acquaintance of bride and bridegroom
as il could have been had both the high
contracting parties been bound to all bv
the closest and dearest ties of relationship.
For several days previous TO the ceremony
the Methodist church was the scene of ac-
tive preparations. The deft and busy
fingers Of the ladies wrought magic changes
in the interior of the building In the way
of evergreen arches and other beautiful
and appropriate decorations, so that when
the hour arrived for the ceremony it pre-
scented a scene of chaste and quiet elegance
and beauty which excited the most pleas
ing admiration. A magnificent srch Of
eyergreens. flower garlanded and bespan-
gled with gilt stars and surmounted BY the
embIematical wedding bell, SPAWNED the
approach to the altar, and beneath this at
the moment of the ceremony stood
the bridsl party. Mr.. Jeremiah Nc
Oh BOISE lily,
officiaied IS hest man, and Miss Della Cald-
well, of the city school the very dear and
intimate friend of the bride, was brides
maid.
TIE CEREMONY
was performed in the most solemn and i'm
pressive manner by Rev. q. w. Grannis,
presiding elder of the Boise district. Al
the conclusion Of the ceremony the bridal
party left the church, followed in quiet and
subdued steps by thelarge assemblage OF
guests, and soon the hum of carriage wheels
were heard rolling toward Grove street,
bearing the happy occupants TO a reception
given in their honor.
The bridegroom. Rev. l.. A. Banks, is
young gentleman who was selected by the
Columbia river conference last summer To
come TO Boise City as pastor of the Metho-
dist Episcopal church here on account of
the importance of the charge and of his
known fitness for lis duties. During his
stay here he has fully sustained the very
high reputation which preceded him. He
is young, energetic, learned, talented, eio-
quent, fervent and Jealous. The bride,
who was so recently Miss Jessie +. Aims
worth, came here about year ago in com
pany with Professor A. L. Caldwell and
his sister, Miss Della Caldwell from Soda
liza, Mo-, where they had all been engaged
in teaching school.
add TO sed
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15
Perfect Signt,

AS thousands can testify, there is nom.
ing so much to be desired as perfect sight,
and perfect sight can only be obtsined by
using perfect spectacles. c. g. Tay lor, our
home opticiap, exercises greatskill and pa
thence in fitting those needing sIectacles
with care and comfort to the wearer,
Il2-lldtf1
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15
TOM THUMB

An incident was told of General" Ton
Thumbs visit to the White House, and o
his arrival at time when several promi
nent generals were closeted with Lincoln
who, to the great surprise of his visitors
ordered the dwarf admitted, and began al
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15

The society people of this city, with
very few exceptions, gave their attention 10
the leap year bail last week and but very
few entertain ments besides this were given.
The usual church social was also neglected
as the church goers were ali absorbed with
the revival meetings which are being held
in this city under the auspices of Rev. DIR
Potter. 1t is well, however, 10 pause now
and then in the giddy revolutions of the
world temporal, and give some thought to
the world spiritual. for, after all, the dav
must come when the revel and the rout
must be given up, and surely it is pitifuI
thing indeed to put off until that day the
beginning of heaven.
sEDALIA
Miss Lillian Hutchinson. who attended
the leap year ball in this city, is still here,
the guest OF friends.
Mrs. John Skinner is once more in the
city, where her legion of friends are al
WAYS glad 10 welcome her
Co. Van Dyne, superintendent OF the
central division of the Pacific, will shortly
remove his family to this city.
Mr.. and Mrs. Jackson, and little son.
OF Tarrytown, New York, are the guests
OF Mesdames Cotton and Smith.
Mr.. and Mrs Col. Eddy, who remained
in the city for the purpose of attending the
leap year bal, left for the northwest Fri
day.
Mrs. Julia Quinlan returned from
Pilot Grove last week and will spend the
rest of the winter with relatives in this
city.
Miss Eva Gentry will leave in about
two weeks for st. Louis, where she will re-
main all winter with her sister, Mrs. Theo-
dore Shelton.
Miss Belle Hall, who has been the
guest of her sister, Mrs. J. J. Frey, for the
past five weeks, is expected to return home
In the near future.
The Broadway Seminary pupils, un-
der the able tuition of Mrs DR.. Miller, will
give an entertainment at the opera house
on evening of January "a.
Misses Anna Simonds and Hattie
Jaynes have both been quite ill for the
past week. Their many friends regretted
their absence from the Leap Year ball.
Mrs. T. Mitchum, who a short time
ago had such severe fall as 10 break
limb. is reported to be getting along nicely
Her daughter, Mrs. Cartwright, of Mar
shall, is with her.
DIR. Tom Smith and Miss Berry, both
of Houstonia, will be united in marriage
next Wednesday. They will at once go TO
housekeeping in home already prepared
Tor them.
MIR. P. w. Musselman, wife and in
FAINT daughter, of Holden, and his brother
Henry of Sedalia, spent part OF the holi-
DAYS here with relatives and friends
Pleasant Hill Dispatch.
Mrs. DIR. Jackson, of Kansas City, who
was en- route to Florida for her health, was
taken worse while in this city, and now
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15

-"My hands were covered with little
dry scabs. They have disappeared and Pm
better than | have been for 20 years, from
using Dr.. Benson's Skin Cure" A. NJ.
Noble, Selma n. g., July, 8, '82.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15
SOCIETY NEWS.

ANY items OF interest suitable Tor this depart.
nent, from Sedalia or neigh boring places, are re-
specE ully solicited. We want a vivacious active
ana CHEEKY lady correspondent in all the neighbor-
ING towns tributary 10 Sedalla Address ali such
communications TO Rosa Pearle, society reporter,
3asoo office, Sedalia. No.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-01-15

a THRILLING ACCOUNT OF LEAP YEAR DISASTER
IN THIS CITY.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18
Visitation OF Providence.

They were talking of puns: She
said: "When q man made a pun he
was always proud of it; but when a
woman made one she had the grace to
be ashamed of it,"
He said: woman was justly
ashamed of her puns, for they were in
variably wretched A woman could
semi-annually make good pun, but
she had to put her whole mind to 1T,
and sometimes sit up all night to make
it work smoothly, while man could al
ways make iirst-class puns ofl-hand.'
"She said: at was no such thing.
She could make as good pun on any
word as fast as any horrid man"
"Well,' said the skeptical wretch,
"make pun on horseshoe"
"If you talk until you're horseshoe
can't convince me-" said the feeble
minded woman.
And he died.-La Plata (Col) Miner.
--"There is no engine of destruction
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18
Narrow Escape Of an Editor.

81 wish very much you would settle
this little BILL said bill collector,
walking into the sanctum of an Austin
journalist.
The editor glanced fearlessly at the
document, and exclaimed:
Little bill! Why, man alive, this
bill is nearly twice as much as | agreed
to pay for those trousers. You must
come down fifty per cent. and then per-
haps I'll pay it, some time next spring "
ave can't do that. The Legislature
is in session now, and we have good
deal of business with them; we calcu-
late that only one man in two pays, so
for that reason we have to make out the
bills for twice the amount.
Then regard me as one of the men
who don't pay"
I'm that case you will be placed in
the same category with members of the
Legislature.
The editor seemed absorbed in
thought. Finally, he heaved a great
sigh, and murmuring: II wouldn't do
it if it wasn't for my family" he pulled
out large roll of bank notes and pick
ing out a tive-dollar bill, handed it over
to the enemy, and thus prevented q
stigma being placed upon his reputa-
tion.-7eraS SytingS.
Thirty years ago q peddler made
his appearance in Pittsburgh under the
name of John Foley He was indus
trious, but seemingly poor. He died
about n year ago at the are of eighty.
His estate was found to be worth about
1923, 900, and his will developed the fact
that his right name was John Johnston.
He left his property to four children,
wherever they could be found. The
search for the heirs was for q long time
unavailing, but it has at length resulted
in the discovery of some of them. Why
Johnston left Ireland and how he got
his wealth remains mystery. -PNS-
6urqh Post.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18
Skating Made Easy.

For the benefit of amateur skaters,
the following advice is given;
|. Never try to skate in two direc-
tons at one time. 1t always ends in
sorrow.
2. Eat few apples for refreshments
sake while skating, and be sure to throw
the cores on the ice.
3. Sit down occasionally, no matter
where. There is no law to prevent q
new beginner from sitting down when
ever he has an inclination to do so.
4. When you meet u particularly
handsome lady try to skate on both
sides of her at once, and thereby create
q sensation.
3. Skate over all the small boys at
once.
6. If you skate into hole in the ice
take it coolly Think how you would
feel if the water were boiling hot.
7. If your skates are too slippery
buy q new pair. Keep buying new
pairs till you find pair that is not slip
perry.
8. In sitting down do it gradually.
Don. be too sudden. You might break
the ice.
.. When you fall headlong examine
the strap of your skates very carefully
before you get up.
10. Wear heavy overcoat or cloak
till you get thoroughly warmed up, and
then throw II off and let the wind cool
ou.-Haryord Telegram.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18
The Old Gentleman's Mistake.

"Nice child, very nice child OBJ
served an old gentleman, crossing the
aisle and addressing the mother of the
boy who had just hit him in the eye
with wad of paper. Glow old are
you, my son?' "None Ofyour business"
replied the youngster, taking aim at an
other passenger. Fine boy smiled
the old man, as the parent regarded her
offspring with pride. "A remarkably
fine boy. What is yourname, my son?''
"Puddin' Tame" shouted the young
Ster, with giggle at his own wit. II
thought so,' continued the old man,
pleasantly. If you had given me
three gueSses at it, that would have
been the first one | would have struck
on. Now Puddin', you can blow those
things pretty straight, can't you?"
You bet" s4uealed the boy, delighted
at the compliment. "See me take that
old fellow over there" "NO. no.. ex-
claimed the old gentleman, hastily.
Try it on the old woman | was sitting
with. She has boys of her own, and
she won mind" Cant you hit the
la ~ for the gentleman, Johnny?'
asked the fond parent. Johnny drew a
bead and landed the pellet right on the
end OF the old woman's nose. But she
did mind it, and rising in her wrath
scared down on the small boy like a
blizzard. She put him over the line,
reversed him, ran him backward till he
didn't know which end Of him was
front, and finally dropped him into the
lap of the scared mother, with bene-
diction whereof the purport was that
she'd be back in a moment and skin
him alive, "She didn' seem to like it,
Puddin'," smiled the old gentleman
softly, "She's perfect stranger to me,
but | understand she is matron of a
truants' home, and thought she would
like a little fun; but was mistaken. y
And the old gentleman sighed sweetly
as he went back to his seat.-JrSey-
man.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18
Matrimonial Collisions.

The collision Of husband and wife is
so frequent rs to have literature to IT.
self. In this case the man, though he
suffers also, suffers much the least. He
can, if he is severely disappointed, get
mentally away; he can form new
friendships, he can harden himself until
he is more or less apathetic, he can put
affection, which makes the true string
of such unions, away from him, and so,
with his GOODNESS restored, can 90 on
and find life endurabe He is free to
strive, though the striving Is useless.
The woman-we are speaking through
out of the good can not get away,
either from the house, or, what is more
important, from herself, can not strive
without loss of self-respect can not en-
franchise herself from her own sense of
right, her own necessity to herself of
concealing her disappointment from her
own heart. She can not be quietly dis
contented, or coolly disappointed, or
patiently callOus. The condition is
imperative and she must suffer
daily, hourly, perhaps through
life, from cause which even a mental
change, possible to be made if duty did
not forbid, would either remove or, at
least, diminish to much smaller pro-
portions. A woman so situated can not
be either serene or genuinely happy,
can at best be resigned, feeling all the
while how harsh destiny is, yet how IT.
reSistible, because it exerts its force not
from outside, but straight on her own
heart II must bear" says the hus-
band to himself, and he bears II ought
to cure it, says the wife, and it is in
durable. The pain in the one case is
disappointment, the pain in the other
that of contention with the ineXorable,
which yet you know it is your duty not
to contend with. Patience is usually
the medicines but Griselda, whatever
else she may be, is not serene, and
Grselda is but fairy tale.-L0ndOn
SUcCtltOT.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18
The SQuatter's Fool.

81 am looking for stray horse"
said man stopping at the house of an
Arkansawyer and addressing a native
who came out and leaned on the fence.
"Whut sorter horsepn
"Sorrel, with II white star in his fore
head
GLOW longs he been gomez
about day and half.
Good work nag9"
"firsl- rate
"Wanter swop him fur better oneP'
"No, | believe not"
White starin his forehead, yer say?"
Yes
"An' yer don't wanter swop him?"
mo, ! believe not
Certain he's good work nag?"
"Of course | am"
can yer don't wanter swap him fur
q better one?'
Here, my friend / haven't time to
talk such nonsense. Iwant to know
if you have seen anything of the kind of
horse | described -
why didn't you say so?"
II did
Yer didn't. Said that's the kind O.
boss yer was lookin' fur, but yer didn t
AK eff I'd seed him
Excuse me, for | intended to. He
got loose and | have looked for him
nearly everywhere.
Good work nag?"
"Splendd, the best | ever saw
Don want ter swap him for bet
.er one?"
II told you no."
But that was before you axed eff I'd
seed him."
The searcher after information looked
at the squatter with hard stare, but
the squatter, undaunted, leaned on tho
fence, while tobacco Juice showed dis
position to trickle from the corners of
his mouth II thought that had seen
the biggest fool in the country, but you
take the lead" said the inquirer, with
deliberation that left Groom for mis-
take. II thought that my wife's father
was the biggest fool in the universe, but
you are the Captain
wall, now, here, stranger eff you're
out lOokin' fur fools, jes git down an
wait tell my son-in-law comes from the
still-house. Talkin' bout fools, mister,
wy you're way behind the latest dis
kiveries. Tell yer whit that son-in-law
O mine done, We was KILN hogs the
other day an the fust thing | knowed
he had scalded hisself an hung hisself
on the pole, shores yer BON, he did.
Tell yer 'nuther thing he done: Come
from meetin' tother night an put the
mule in the house an went out an
stood all night in the lot. Stranger,
don't talk bout fools in this neighbour
hood lessen yer wanter git hoored. wy,
sab, teller insulted my son-in-law
t'other day an he kicked hisself cross
the road. -
THAT has nothing to do with my
horse, and want you to tell me whether
or not you have seen him.
oval, tell me 'zactly what sorter
boss he is.n
"Sorrel, with white star in his fore.
head.n
Good work nagPn
GAS good as ever saw, and"
Don't wanter trade him for bette
one, do you?' and the squatter dodgeC
just in time to avoid blow which The
stranger leveled at him. So far as the
Arkansaw man is concerned, the sor
rel horse with white star in his fore
head, the good work nag which the
stranger did not care to swap for u bet
ter one, is still at large.-ArkanSa,O
Irdrelgr.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18
The English Mile.

EN-. Faye has explained why it takes
siXty-nine and half English miles to
make a degree instead of sixty, as was
probably intended when the mile was
established. The English geographers
deduced their mile from Ptolemv, and
Ptolcmy refers to Eratosthenes, Era
tosthenes measured the arc of the mer-
idian on the basis of the distance be-
tween Syenne and Alexandria, in
Egypt, which gave 700 stadia to the
degree. Ptolemy says that he verified
the measurements of Eratosthenes and
found the same result, which he gives,
however, As 500 stadia to the degree.
The discrepancy arises from a change
which took place in the standard of the
foot-of which 600 went to the stadium
during the 400 years between Eratos-
themes and Ptolemy. Eratosthenes used
the ancient Egyptian foot, which is
shorter than ours, while Ptolemy used
the Phileterian foot, which is longer
than ours. Making allowance for this
difference, the two measurements
agree. The English geographers, in
making their calculation, believed that
Ptolemy had used still another foot. the
Greek foot, which Is one and q half hun
dredths longer than ours, but shorter
than the one he did actually use. If
the English geographers of the sixteenth
century had strained this valuation ever
so little, and had carried it to five one
hundredths, they would have found $50
English feet for the stadium, which they
believed to be 600 Greek feet, and these
63O feet, or 2lO yards, multiplied by 800,
would give them 1Oj, 900 yards for the
degree and exactly 1,7G0 yards for the
mile.-N Y III raid
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18

There is no engine of destruction
known to humanity to-day doing more
damage than the popular little cigar
ette,' says New York athlete.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18

Comparisons The artfullest man
is the designer; the most changeable,
the banker; the most accommodating,
the broker; the most 'fees' liable, the
doctor; the most chaste, the engraver;
the most laxative, the auctioneer; the
most tigurative, the cashier; the most
typical, the printer; the sweetest, the
confectioner; the coolest, the ice man
the gravest, the undertaken; the crusti-
est, the baker; the seediest, the garden
er; the greatest turn-coat, the tailor.
IrOy Times.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18

TO n toast of "The babes-God
bless them!' a railway conductor re-
sponded: "May their route through
life be pleasant and profitable; their
track straightforward, and not back
ward. May their fathers be safe con-
ductors, their mothers faithful tenders.
and their switch never misplaced!'
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-18

..Awriterin scientific monthly asks:
"What Is u meterP' In reply jocular
editor said IAN opinion has long pre-
vailed that meter is n contrlvance that
works twenty seven hours a day eight
days week the year round; and when
you resolve to economic in the use OF
gas, it throws in acouple of extra hours
daily without charge. '--JeVih MeSSen-
Upr