The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1884-05-11
FEMININE FANCIES.
A Number Of Notes Concern
ing the Sex.

New York man who was married
In the morning was maniac before
night. Don't get married ia the
morning. It gives the BRIDES mother
q whole day to talk to you.
"Were you ever caught a sudden
squalI?" asked an Old yachtman of q
worthy citizen. "Well, guess sol"
responded the good man. l have
helped to bring up eight babies"
Just as the dignity of Japanese
noblemsn is toll by the number OF
swords be wears, just so ia woman c
character ID this country judged by
the number of feathers she has in her
bonnet.
A baby show with ninety-pine
infants on exhibition has just come to
a close in New Orleans. and people
in the locality Of the exhibit on ball
are moving back in their houses
again.
We wrote that "all the windows in
a certain dusty village looked as il
they needed washing" The printers
set it up 'sil the widows" A score
or more of letters came sin haste, 4"
"stop my paper"
A Philadelphia man declares that
be does not like New York girls. be.
cause they are so artificial. He
probably has been hugging a dry
goods dummy which the porter, not
suspecting any Philadelphia men to
be around, had left out after dark.
Isn's it curious TO think that the
same citizen who may be heard Cd
stub nights believing forth the
baochanalian ditty, Landlord Fill
the Flowing Bowl can softly Groom
mis- youngest TO sleep with the seduc
tive melody, "Hnsh, my Babe. Lie
kStilI and Slumber?"
The agony OF agonies this season
which most attracts the attention of
the ladies far is the hand painted
bonnet. Hours OF intense thought
and quarts OF the best paint are
wasted in an endeavor to initiate the
flower of the field or plumage oil
birds. with varying success. Once
in while q bonnet is painted that 10
"perfectly awfully lovely" and then
again bonnet is taken from the easel
looking very much as il it had aoci-
dentalIy rolled across the fair artist
palette. We saw ore the other day
thas resembled a pau OF sour milk
after a thunder storm, in delicate
shadipg. It is largely matter OF
artistic culture whether the bonnet be
a success or not.
THE BEwITCRINe BANG.
The Fl at has at last gone forth
"Awsy with the she bsngw
And all the girls, both South and North,
Are filed with many q parg.
Oh, sharper than ssrpen's tooth,
And desdlier than its facg,
Are laws, opposed to love and truth,
Which cstracize the bang
How oft have poets wsrbled sweet
A serensders sang,
In winters cold and summers heat,
OF the bewitching bang.
When gentle msidens sought repese,
The light guitar would twaDg,
And soft upon the air arose
Tie musis of the bang.
Oh, shame on that iconoclAst
Who. with the harsh harsngue,
Doth seek to sweep into the past
The beauty CT the bang.
Let maids and matrons all unite
While still their frizzes harg,
And wave aloft both day and night
The banner OF the bang.
Let not command Of priest or pope,
Or any claiming clang.
| Compel them to grow sad and mopn,
Or "shoot" the booming bang.
To see Mary Anderson on the stage
you wouldn'. think she wss nearly
nineteen years old, but she is. She
admits it herself.
II President Arthur is a single man
at the end of this year it will be
sad commentary on the boosted pro-
gress OF American women.
Two women can kiss each other
and never mind it, but if two men
were to kiss each other it is quite
probable, Trough it has never been
tried, that both would fall fiat 10 the
ground as If struck by paralysis.
The newspaper gossips say, "The
presidents son is engaged to girl
who only comes up to his shoulder,
That's good. All he has to do when
he comes h1me from the cub is to
hold his head up straight, like man,
ami she can'ttmell his breath.
CINE DAYS FISHING:
One morning. when spring was IN her
teens
A morn to poets wishing,
All tinted in delicate pinks and greens,
Miss Bessie and 1 went fishing
al