Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1884-11-08
nUmoR OF THE DAY.

last night, I'm afraid. BrOWn-OOu l6e4
up to much myself; had lobster salad for
supper and haven't slept wink: Jones
We'll, just look at the frightfuI cold L
caught last night BrOWn-Why, where
were you2 Jones-At the health eXhi-
bition. Smith and Brown (together)-
Why, so was /. tan groan.l London
FHT.
prominent attorney, who is Of a
rather observing disposition, had MOTTO
ed that the night policeman of his ward
was always TO be found lOahng In and
about a certain saloon at all hours Of the
day. One morning he accOsted the
helmeted individual and said:
"Say, Thomas, 1 have often wondered
how YOU. being a night policeman. could
manage TO be around all day. When do
you find time TO sleep, anyway"
when do you suppose" asked the
astoni-hed copper. Pm on my beat
from 8 in the evening till in the morn
: ing, and twelve hours sleep Is enough for
any man"
The attorney was almost struck dumb
by the oandOr of the guardian Of the
peace, and he no longer doubts the abili-
ty of a policeman to get plenty Of sleep.
SlcssOrs.
John said q druggist clerk, chow
is our stock Oflint for bandages2"
"Got plenty" said John.
"And arnica, are We well supplied
with that?'
eyes, sir; a fresh barrel just received
this morning"
"O1r stock of salves, lotions and brok-
en-bone remedies Of all sorts is complete
is it?''
Yes, sir; we've got enough of every
thing"
avery well, then" said the proprietor,
glancing at the sky through the front
window; cit looks as though we might
have q cold, freezing night, and you had
better 90 out and wash down the steps,"
-Phtla. Call.
"Mr. Brown" said a little Brooklyn
boy to a visitor the other night, "WhO
are you going to vote for for Mayor, next
electiOnP'
81 don't know yet" replied Mr..
Brown the candidates haven't been
nominated"
"Well,'' said the boy, "pa's got it fixed
who he's going to vote for"
WHO is it2'
"Well, he said to-day he'd bet he'd
vote for ma, cause what she didn't know
about home rule wasn't worth worrying
about.
GETTING a BOY OUT OF BED.
Mamma lat the foot of the stairs)-
Come, Bobby, dear, it's time little boys
we're cut Of bed. Breakfast is nearly
ready.
Bobby es'm-um-m.
Big Sister Ia little later) -Bob-b-e
-e, breakfast is on the table. Come
right down this minute!
Bobby as-yas-um-m.
Old Gentleman "a little later
ertl
Robert-Yes, sir!
az see that an Ohio postmistress has
resigned her position in order to get
married, % remarked an old Benedict to
aPooT thingl I pity her" said the
helpmeet
"Why soY"
Because, after the honeymoon is over
she'll have to sit up nearly every night
and wait till the male comes in."-Mik
t0at,sss Sentinel.
A HOLLAND JOKE.
Little Fritz-"O, pap, may L for me no
from thy beard pair off locks off close
cut2'
Father-''What wilt thou Herewith
my childF'
Little Fritz-''AIy rabbit mend, from
whom has little Emma the tail out
snatched. '-Translated from the Dlach.I
A Vermont man has a hen SO year,
old. The other day hawk stole 1T, bu
after an hour came back with a broker
bill ana three claws gone, put down the
hen and took an old rubber boot in place
Of it.
A point to the wife whose husband
spends but few evenings at home:
piece Of soap left on the stairs at house
cleaning time has been known to keep
man IN the house for three months.
A man is very like a gun,
That fact please try to fix;
For if he finds he's charged too much,
Why, that's the time he kicks.
Is it proper for a topper to speak Of hi
drunken companion as his bOoze-un
friend5
When man is tongue fighting with
his neighbOr, and is only saved from
getting the worst Of it by his wife com
ing to his rescue, he experiences the jOy
effeeling that he has a wife worth he
weight IN scOld.
NO" said q fond mother, speaking
proudly of her tWenty-6ve-year
daughter, mo-" Mary isn't old enough
to marry yet. She cries whenever an,
one sCOlds her, and until she become
hardened enough to talk back vigorous
", she isn't fit for wife"
Ella Wheeler has a poem which com
mengess Have you heard of the vale
of Babyland2" Heard of it2 Egad, W
have been there. You can't tell the oil
man anything about the valley Of Baby
and.