The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-03-21
DEER LODGE MONTANA MARCH 21, 1884,
WHY WE LAUGH.

Remember the poor. 1t costs nothing
Picay,Re.
Osman's last request: "Digma a grave,
fellahs. Courier Journal.
A colored barber in Idaho has drawn the
color.lin he refuses TO shave the Indians.
He differs from the average post-trader IN
this respect.
81 beg a thousand pardons for coming so
late" "My dear sir" replied the lady gra-
cously, "no pardons are needed. You can
never come too late"
A new stove has been invented for the
comfort of travellers. 1t Is to be put under
the feet, with mustard plaster on the head,
which draws the heat through the whole sys-
tenn.
Patti sings, according 10 her own story,
"by the grace of God" Yes, and If she does
not ease up on her prices she will confins her
singing to this world by the grace of the same
agency.-Dr axes Traceler's Agency.
1t was a pressman who perpetrated this
double -barreled, breach.loading, triple-pun
conundrum: "Why is an old mans farm In
Texas like the focus of o sun glass? Be-
cause it's where the sons raise meat"
A resident of Glover, Vermont, has the
distinction of possessing the largest sole in
the State. He wears shoe that measures
% inches In length and is s inches wide. His
friends have no difficulty in keeping track Of
him.
The curiosity of a child of five had been
aroused by seeing magnlfying glass. "How
many times does 1t magnify" asked gentle
man, thinking to puzzle him. GAS many
times as you look through it," was the quick
reply.
A bird raiser says that canaries can be
trained to sing airs as we'll as human beings.
If they can't be trained TO sing airs better
than some human beings twere better to al
low than to remain untrained.-Somercitte
Journal.
Here is a scientific puzzle for you, now, if
you never happened to think Of 1t before:
Does an upright saw stop while in motion ?
A scientific writer asserts that 1t does. And
he isn't An IIishman, either.-BTtingto
Free Pree.
We learn from reliable exchange that
the wealth of the United States is $SI2 for
each person. We wish the fellow who has
$S7l.S5 that belongs to us would fetch 1t in
before we grow too old to enjoy wealth.
Middletopn Transcript.
As somewhat of an inducement to anna
teurs we take this method Of announcing
that every one sending US poem on spring
this year will receive q pound Of dynamite
done up in beautiful sheet Of colored tissue
paper. Now Is the time TO get up clubs
Chicago Neos.
Colonel Henry Watterson recently said
that George ID. Prentice did not drink drop
of liquor during the last year of his life.
Whereat a number of the other Colonels OF
that State look significantly at one another
! aad say, "There, see Only lived year
after he stopped drinking!
Mrs. Bonanza Mackay's latest Worth dress
| is described as a"pocm." From the descrip'
| tion we infer that it resembles poem that is
inserted In the editors waste basket. 1t is
| not red. This is verse straight joke, but
| the temptation TO write waist basque II was
necessary TO -Norristotpn Herald
"WheIe shall we bury ?" asks scientific
| writer. Did you ever try the earth? That
Is considered q very appropriate place by
| many people. This practice Of burying q
corpse in an ash barrel or throwing 1t over
the back fence into a neighbours yard cannot
be too strongly condemned Norristo,cr
! Herald.
"Remember, sir, that you owe something
! to your constituents" said one member oi
our city council to another. "Humph" !"
said the other; "if you owe anything to youl
constituents. all I've got to say is that you're
lucky. Why, there are not a half-dozer
voters In my ward that have not borrowed
money from me."-EIchange.
"Give me telephone cigar" said Hon
Thomas Warner yesterday, as he stepped NJ
to the stand at Pat Murphy's. "What kline
of cigar is that ?" inquired the unsuspic
ious Pat. "One of the kind that you smoke
in New York and can smell in Brooklyn
was the answer. Hon. Thomas was carried
out of New street in an ambulance.
"Eow often do you present your bill t.
that young msn?" said q gentleman to I
cigar-store man, whom dude told to charge
him with package of cigarettes. "Quarter
ly, SIR" "What! You don't mean to sa!
you trust him for three months?" "Oh, no
of course not. Quarterly in this case rnean
every time the bill amounts to quarter."-
Merchant 1rGueler.
|