Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1884-01-10
An1noru,1s Department.

FELT THE SITUATIoN.-A German far
mer was on trial in one of the justice courts
the other day for assault and battery, and
had pleaded not guilty. When the cross
examination came the opposing counsel
asked:
ENow, Jacob, there was trouble between
you and the plaintiff, wasn't there?"
81 oXpett dere vhas."
"He said something about your dog
being a sheep-killer, and you resented it,
eh?"
''Vhell, calls him liar"
Exactly. Then. he called you some
hard names?"
"He calls me sauer-kraut Dutchmans.
"Just so. That made you mad"
"Oof course. l vhas so madt shake all
oafer."
II thought so. Now, Jacob, you are a
man who speaks the truth. 1 don't believe
you could be hired to tell lie." .s...
"Vell, plief vhas pooty honest"
"Of course you are-of course. Now,
Jacob, you must have struck the first blow.
You see"
The other lawyer objected and after a
wrangle the defendant turned to the court
and said:
81 doan't exactly make out how it vhas.
like to own oop dot l shtruck first, but l
hat paid my lawyer s. to brove de odder
vhay. doan' like to tell a lie, but feel
badt to lose der money "-DetroH Free
Press.
THE VALUE OF PRESENCE OF MIND
'Right here in Milwaukee Bay, about
thirty years ago friend and myself had
started out for a fish on the pier, and had
taken our guns along to shoot ducks. Well
we had not been there long before | in
1oc lNr orfI
and it sank in thirty feet of water. There
it lay on the bottom in plain sight My
friend said he would dive for it. | noticed
he didn't take off his powder horn, and
before could call his attention to it he was
in the water. waited about twenty min
untes ~ Twenty minutes, "they eXclaim-
ed. ''That's the exact time. | held my
watch in my hand and timed him. After
twenty minutes l began to get nervous and
looked over the side of the boat, and what
do you think I saw? 81 suppose your
friend lay on the bottom of the lake drown
ed," ventured one. "No you are wrong.
Here is where he showed his presence of
mind and thievish disposition. There he
sat on the bottom of the lake pouring pow
der out of my horn into his and Whistling.
That's what consider a remarkable Incl
dent of a mans presence of mlnd." NO
reply was, made by any of his listeners, but
each one quietly got up, looking suspicious
ly at the story-teller, and left him alone,
master of the situation.
BROTHER GARDENERS PHILosoPHY.-Re-
member dat naybor who offers you de
loan of his hoe am fshin' around to secure
de loan of your wheelbarrer.
Remember datyou can't judge of de home
happiness of a man an wife by Seeln' 'em at
Sunday skule picnic.
Remember dat while de average man
will return you de k'rect change in bust
ness transackshun he'll water his milk an
mix beans wild his coffee.
Remember dat all de negatives of de best
photographs am retouched an de wrinkles
an freckles worked out.
Remember dat society am made up OF
good clothes, hungry stomachs, deception,
heartaches an mixed grammar.
Remember dat people will nebber stop to
queshun de truf of any rumor or scandal
affectin'5 your character, but it takes Vars
to satisfy em' dat your great grandfather
wasn't pirate. You kin now SOt down an
close your eyes an reflect an digest, an de
rest of US purceed to carry on de usual pro-
gramme Of de meetin'-DetroH Free Press.
JUST LIKE HER FATHER.-A Somerville
young man who is employed in Boston re-
tail dry goods store, was accosted the other
day by friend who asked how times were.
"Pretty fair" was the response.
"Getting ahead any?"
"Well, I have been promoted to floor
walkern'
"Indeed?"
s-s'Yes; we've gotta new baby at our house."
"Don't you think she's pretty ~ said the
fond mother to the father, as she stroked the
baby's silken hair.
\ 4lo,. Z
thing had disagreed with him, and he re-
piled somewhat curtly:
"Oh! all babies are about alike. They
look like little monkeys"
Just then neighbOr entered, and taking
the baby on her lap said:
"Mercy on us, how like it's father that
child is n'-.SOmerviUe Journal.
THERE WAS ONE-The census taker was
doing one of the interior towns, as is the
case in those places, about every year, and
at one house he interviewed the proprietor.
After certain inquiries he said:
Have you wife ~
'First one 20
mo, the last one, out of four"
"Any children
"a few"
elbow many""
'"Ihirteen."
"Well, let me see''- scratching his head,
in a thoughtful attitude-"I guess there's
one. That's me. Put it down in the book
that way, anyhow, on general principles. -
W.. hampton.
A STRONG G1RL.-"Uncle Abe" said
woman, addressing colored gentleman of
prominence, ''I'se got some mighty bad
news fer yer"
"What is it, chile"
"I'se jes' from yer house an yer boy is
dun glib up by de doctors"
"Dat so? I'se glad ter hear it,"
."W'y Uncle Abe, yer oughter be 'shamed
OBJ yourself"
"Dat's whar yer's wrong. Eff dat doctor
has been workin' on dat boy now fer two
weeks, an at las has ter gin him up, it
shows dat de boy is mighty strong chile
Had ter gin him up, did he? ur haW, haw.
Doctor fms obsteckles in way when he comes
er foolin' 'roun' my family."-Arkoesdv
Traveller.
AND He DID.-'I'll tell you what" said
prominent stock SpeculatOr to the proprie-
tor of an uptown hotel the other day, "there
is bound to be war between France and
China"
"Yes, it looks that way"
"It will be certain to raise French winesa
notch"
eyes"
"And my advice to you is to lay in a full
stock at once, and thus get the benefit OF the
advance"
"Thanks-I will"
And half an hour later he was telegraph
ing to his cider maker, in New Jersey, to
inoreaSa his order bv ten barrels Val