Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-06-19
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

A facetious gentleman, who has
suffered. thinks the modern recipe for
party Is the following: "Take all the
ladies and gentlemen you can get, put
them into q room with small fire, and
stew them we'll have ready piano,
q handful Of prints and drawings, and
throw them in from time to time; as
the mixture thickens, sweeten with
politeness, and season with wit, II you
have any; il not, fiattery will do as
we'll, and is very cheap when all have
stewed for an hour, add ices, Jellles.,
cakes, lemonades, wines and spirits. =
81 engaged" says tourist, "a chaise
at Galway to conduct me some few
miles into the country, and had moi
proceeded far when it pulled up at the
foot Of a hill, and the Irish driver,
coming TO the door, opened It. what
are you at, man? This isn't where l
ordered you to stop 'Whisht. your
honor, whisht = said Paddy, In an
UNDERGONE i am only desaving the
haste. ri just bang the door; he'll
think yer out and then he'll cut up
the hill like Old Scratch. See II he
DON'T"
An old bachelor was rather taken
aback Q day or two since as follows
Picking up book, he exclaimed, upon
seeing wood cut representing man
kneeiing at the feet Of woman
before l would ever kneel to q wo-
man. I would encircle my neck with q
rome and stretch it," And then, turn
ing to a young lady, he inquired DO
YOU not think 1t would be the best
thing I could do?" tit would I'M
dou btedly be the best for the woman, !"
was the sarcastic reply.
The witness knew him.-"Mr.Smith
do you know the character OF Mr..
Jones 2" Well, 1 rather think 1 do,
Judge" Well, what do you say
about 1t ?" "Well, he amt 80 bad q
man, after ALL" Well, Mr.. Smith,
what we want to know is, is Mr.. Jones
of a auarrelsome disposition ?" "Well,
Judge, l should say that Tom Jones Is
very vivid in verbal exercise, but when
it comes to personal adjustment, he
amt eager for the contest
A lady visiting in q clergyman's
family where the parents were very
strict with regard to the children's Sun
day deportment, was contidentially in
formed by one Of the little girls that
she would like to be clergyman.
-" Why?" inquired the visitor, rather
puzzled to know what had given the
child 80 sudden an admiration for tna'
calling. She was quickly enlightened by
the prompt So / could boiler on sun
day."
A clergyman called on poor parish
Toner, whom he found bitterly lament
ing the loss of an only son, boy about
four or FIVE years old. In the hope O
consoling the afflicted woman, he re-
marked TO her that one so young coulc
not have committed any very greiVoul
sin, and that no doubt the child wa
gone to heaven. :" All, sir said TN
simple hearted creature, "but Tommy
was 40 shy-and they are all stranger
there.
Mamma, to the pride, who has askst
for q fourth piece OF cake: Now
Tommy, you mustn't have. any NOR
Aren't you ashamed ?" "Yes'm.
That's q good little boy. Now tell tn
company what you're ashamed OF.
"I'am ashamed ofyou for kicking u
such a ding basted row about an OH
cake wot's IN the house two weeks 81
claimed Tommy. There was an I'm
mediate laying on of hands.
"How I pity the poor such night a
this!' said Bland, as he sat in his com
Portable apartment. "Then why,
asked Bluff, "dunt you put on you
coat and 60 ouf aud see If you can ren
der assistance 10 some OF them?
"Ahr' replied Bland, then l shouldn'
be so m.OrJable as am now, and
might forget the poor and begin to pit
myself. That would be selfish, 20
know
"Look here" said Fusticus, at
recent concert, "the seat you have gi,
en- me is only fit for dog" why
what's the matter with it?" inquire
the attendant; it's one of the best !
the hall" "That may all be-" sal
Fusticus; " but it's dogs seat for
that. Look at the number; that prove
Iit-K 81"
| A shiftless man having told his vii
THAT his money and credit were bot
used up, she exclaimed But 20
must do something. We can't starv'
you know" ''Oh, can't we % he r.
l piled. "Well, am ever 80 glad
Ihear that we can't, for that has bee
Just what I've been most afraid of.
| "Tell me, my dear uncle" said
nephew to the old gentleman who, r.
lnowned for his gallantry in his you'll
was relating some of his recollection
call the women you have ever know
by whom you were most struck u
your sainted aunt, my dear boy We
the unhesitating reply.
A pompous and opiniouated ma
when discussing a certain matter wit
a lady, exclaimed : ~ know l al
right, madam, l am perfectly sure th'
liza am. l will bet my ears on it, mat
lam," "Do you think it right to CO
lry betting to such extreme lengths
quietly responded tho lady.
A little girl, visiting neighbor vii
lher mother, was gazing curiously
|her hostess new bonnet, when Il
!, |owner inquired : "Do you like
Laura ?" Tho innocent replied
Why, mother said 1t WAS a perfe
= fright, but it dosn't scare me-" La
= g mother didn't stay long after tina
"Mr. White" said country lawy
b to witness in the box, at the tin
g these papers were executed you we
q specializing, were you not ?' Ye
g sir" You we're in oil % ~ was