Connecticut western news., 1884-08-27
ADVERTISING RAIEst
WIT AND WISDOM.

k1tNN VI the 0hlNtu NNkttN "oakum, oakum with Mol"
 THERE is a place in Dakota named Steele. It is probably hard town.
 A FACT is a stubborn thing; SO Is mulo. That is n fact-LotccH Citiscn.
 BEWARE of green fruit The fruit cannot help being green, but you can.
 MEN are good deal like store peaches: You always find the biggest ones at the top.
 WHEN did Ruth treat Boaz badlyp when she pulled his ears and trod on his corn.
 "Go uRK haul, said the hack driver to the man who was ooaxing for a free ride.
 IT is a singular contradiction that when the mosquito visits you he stays to hum.
 "THE dearest spot on earth to me-" sings the scientific granger, ''is my mortgaged farm"
 SoHoLARs are frequently to be met | NAAA NhN NAN 1A h1AAAhE NANAhk their own ignorance.
 "EMPboY the hired man whose clothes are patched in front rather than behind" Is current farm note.
 MANY woman who was wooed and won alludes to her husband after mar riage as the wooden one
 WERE you at tho ball game this afternoon ?" "Yes." "who got the worst of itP" "The umpire" A NEW YoRK bank presidents wiio calls her husband Honey" This may be because he is in a cell.
 "NEvER meet trouble half way" says an old adage. This means don't go Co board with your mother-in-lsw.
 TIE sting of every reproachful speech Is the truth of it; and 10 be conscious is that which gives keonness to the invco- tive.
 A brrLE school girls definition of scandal was; Nobody docs nothing and everybody goes on telling of it every where"
 WE have noticed that people who go to watering places for change always take particular pains to carry plenty of it with them.
 MOTHER; "Do you know what com- bustible means, Tommy" Tommy: 'Why, yes, of course; something that busts easily"
 IT is now said that the crazy quilt originated with an editors wife. She got the idea from the patches on her husbands clothes.
 A YOUNG man writes Co consult us about the best pattern of health lift We would suggest helping his mother . little with tho coal hod.
 HAVING been sent book entitled Summer Poems" after careful scru. tiny we have decided that Summer poems and Summer not"
 A NEW form of duel has lately been adopted in Mexico The aggrieved party challenges his opponent to ride on the Mexican Central Railroad.
 "TRusr men and they will trust you" said Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Truat men and they will bust you, says an ordinary, everyday business man.
 A NEW YORK travelling salesman has married Hoboken drsssmaker. A drummer and fluter in one family ought to make it lively for the neigh bors.
 "wuY am like lemon p' she asked, and then she expected him 10 say, "Be- cause you are being squeezed;" but he didn't He said: "Beoause you are sour"
 "Mr hair is so long that it sweeps the floor" said a proud though indolent young woman. "That is moro than can induce you to do," said her mother.
 So common has the expression "pG.nt. ing the town rcd" got 10 be in a West. ern settlement, that one of shc saloon keepers has put the sign "nrtists' mate. rials" in his window.
 THr good st Paul has gone to rest st Pctcrs At the wicket While poor St. John is left below
 To head the Tomp'ranoo ticket -MacAda Trduclcr
 A SAN FRANoTsoo snowman is adver- tising a troupe of educated flies. lf he will send one on here to teach others how to walk around the edge of milk pitcher without falling in he will gain everlasting fame.
 LET children know something of the worth of money by earning it; over pay them fl you will, but let them get some idea of equivalents; if they get distorted notions of values at the start they will never be righted.
 A MAN took dinner al hotel. The waiter recitcd the bill of fare 'Roaat beef, veal and lamb, baked heart, boiled tongue, corned beef and cabbage and beefsteak pie" They'll do" replied the visitor; "bring 'em along quick"
 THERE is nothing very brilliant about our Bremen dentists, said lady to an individual who practiced the nt in Berlin, but they are oblginH. If you wish tooth extracted with gas, they forthwith light the chandelier. "JoSEs is a miserly man, but is very pleasant, said Brown. "Yes," replied Smith, "but it is his miserliness that makes him pleasant" Flows that9" "why, don't you sec. he hates Co loso anything and therefore keeps his tenn. ] per-"
 A coRRrsroNnENr writes to An Engliah