The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1884-10-01
-7--
Answers TO Correspondents.

Aristophanes-Your joke about
the bathing suit being so small that
it was carried in the pocketbook is
good. 1t is too good to use. 1t
will keep. At least it has kept all
summer, and this cold weather will
not impair its vitality. What we
particularly like about it is its air of
newness-its unmistakable flavor OF
originality. There is no veneer or
imitation about it. 1t is original. So
was the ark, Aristophanes, so was the
ark.
Margaret-No, the South Sea Is
landers are not Cannibals they live
on fish. Every time they catch a
new missionary they have dinner
of fried sole.
Nicotine-The custom of making
genuine imported Havana cigars OF
brown paper and wrapping them
with leather, had its origin among
the Connecticut cigar makers in the
hard times of eighteen hundred and
naughty five, when the tobacco crop
failed, and the most rigid economy
had to be practiced by manufactur-
ers and consumers. As you say you
are only nineteen years old, it don't
make any difference to you what ci-
gars are made OF. You can get just
as sick on burnt leather as you can
on tobacco, and you'll enjoy it Just
as much.
Dreamer-You must indeed be q
dreamer. Want to know where you
will find a poem containing the
line,
The melancholy days have come, the saddest Of
the year.
Never heard of such a poem, and
if the line you quote has any exist
ance at all, it must be in the airy
cobwebs of your own dreamy brain.
Dream out the rest of it, and we'll
print it for you. Send the MS. to
the business office; they'r offering
special rates On melancholy poetry
in car lots this season.
Melville-Your drama covers too
much ground, like Colorado cattle
company. 1t reminds US ofa "pat-
ent insides newspaper, which con-
tains in one column interesting and
interviewer articles on "Sprirg
Work in the Garden" Summer
Bathing and Directions for Treating
Persons Rescued from Drowning y
/" How to Collect and Preserve Au-
tumn Leaves" and Household
Christmas Decorations.
Westward Ho-Certainly, son
go to California by all means. Glo-
rious climate. First six months of
the year they pray for rain; t'other
six months they climb trees and run
away from the floods.
Spiritus-No. we don't know who
said, The good die yung.' But if
you are no better than your spelling
you will live to cut your fourth set
OF teeth, and see a President elected
without scandal.
Mabel This damsel wants to
know =" Is there anything in all this
world worse than the rum traffic ?"
Well, we don't want to appear pref
udiced, Mabel, but we rather think
that for unadulterated badness and
irreclaimable worseness a tea store
chrome gets away with any
terrestrial horror now extant.
Young Theologue-Yes, we think
you might class "gosh dunn and
" dad bing" as profane swearing.
"Gaul ding" may also be considered
a swear word. I'm swizzled is
another. All these words bear the
same relation to thoroughbred, sky
blue profanity that the pale-pink
lemonade of the Sunday school pic
mic does to the raw whisky of the
target company's excursion. They
are the outgrowth of a terrible strug-
gle, a theological compromise ar
ranged by our Puritan ancestors,
who recognized with a faultless spir-
itual vision and worldly acumen
the necessity of a pure life and a
sinless vocabulary. and at the same
time the utter impossibility of plow-
ing New England stone patch
without a class of words designed to
relieve the overburdened mind and
astonished feelings every time the
plow handles broke a mans ribs and
extorted every last drop of vital
breath from his painting bedy-Bur-
dette.
A Great Surprise