davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1884-08-09

There is grim humor about some
OF the advertisements in the daily pa
pers. \ Philadelphia journal contains
the notice that an undertaken viii give
a gentleman with full black beard of
impressive proportions, permanent en-
ployment at visiting families, which
death has invaded, and taking instruc-
tions regarding the funeral. The full
black beard is strictly a business re-
quirement, the theory being that a
black beard has a tendency to inspire
confidence and respect.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1884-08-09

The leviathan steamship Great East
tern is a yeritable white elephant on
the hands of her stockholders. At
general meeting of the directors and
proprietors in London, it was stated
that the efforts to sell or charter the
ship had been unceasing, and the di-
recters regretted that, although they
were frequently receiving applications
in respect to the steamer, nothing had
resulted. The income for the year
was made up as follows: Transfer
fees, 81; interest, $40; visitors fees
to ship, e13. The expenditures for
the year in connection with the ship
had been e4,402 Is Id. 1t does not re-
quire much arithmetic to figure out
where this sort of business is to end.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1884-08-09

According to Montreal paper the
engineer of the Saskatchewan mining
company, while examining the com
pany's coal areas recently discovered
the remains Of an ancient forest at a
depth of over 200 feet from the top of
ravine. The stumps are plainly visible,
and are about two feet in hight, and
look very much as though the forest
had been laid low by the woodman
In addition, the fossil remains of a
gigantic reptile were found under the
coal in a stratum of light sandstone.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1884-08-09

There is a fire department in Jeru-
salem which is very different from
what is understood by that term in
this country. On the comparatively
rare occurrence of a fire, the news is
leisurely conveyed to a small detach-
ment of soldiers, who with great dig
nifty march to the scene of the fire,
carrying their guns on their shoulders.
In front of them march four men with
broad-axes. As there is no water sup
ply in the city, a fire engine would be
useless, and certainly would be opposed
to the traditions OF the people. In
stead of wasting their time in such
unhallowed efforts, these soldier-fre-
men strike picturesque attitudes
around the fire. murmuring, Allah is
good !" And when it has spent itself
they go back to their quarters con-
scious of having done their duty.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1884-08-09

In Great Britain and Ireland, with
population approximating 100000,
there are between 1000 and 10000
lawyers. In the United States, with
population larger by only 100000,
there are $4,000 lawyers; and in New
York state, with tenth Of the coun-
try's population, abide a sixth of its
entire body of lawyers. There is a
lawyer to every 5000 people in Great
Britain, while in America there is
lawyer to every 800 people. If this
does not show an advanced stage of
civilization, it certainly shows decid-
edly litigious spirit.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1884-08-09

Since the large capitalists came INTO
the business of embarrassing in Texas,
great bodies of land have been bought
up for ranges, and soon desirable free
pastures will be thing of the past.
Having the money to fence as well as
buy the land, most of the large ranges
are being inclosed with wire. More
than$100000000 would be required to
purchase the cattle now roaming over
the state. Half of this value, accord
ing to the best testimony, is the in
crease of cattle within two years.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1884-08-09

We read in a London paper: I'VE
are. so to say, in a state of siege, GER
tainly under the very strictest military
and police military and police surveil-
lance. AS night comes on we see all
the public buildings, delivered over to
soldiers, gates are closed. sentinels with
rifles loaded with ball cartridges pace
rapidly to and fro, and some large
anartment is for the nonce turned into
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
The Greeks Of Old.

The physical superiority of the ante
Alexandrian Greeks to the hardest and
most robust nations of modern times, is
perhaps best illustrated by the military
statistics of Xenophon. According to
the author of the ARabGSis, the complete
accoutrements of a Spartan soldier in
what we would call heavy marching
order, weighed seventy-tive pounds, eX-
elusive of the camp, mining, and bridge
building tools, and the ratiOns of bread
and dried fruit, which were issued in
weekly installments, and increased the
burden of the infantry soldier to ninety,
nlnety-five, or even to a full hundred
pounds. This load was often carried at
the rate of four English miles an hour
for twelve hours per diem, day after day;
and only in the burning deserts of South
ern Syria, the commander of the Grecian
auxiliaries thought it prudent to shorten
the usual length of days march by one
fourth. The gymnastic tests applied by
the systanchus, or recruiting officer of a
picked corps, would appear more pre-
posterous to the uniformed exquisite of
modern "crack regiment Even tall,
well-shaped men of the soundest consti-
tuition, could not pass the preliminary
examination unless they were able to
jump their own height vertically and
thrice their own length horizontally, and
two thirds of those distances in full
armor; pitch weight equal to one-third
of their own, TO a distance of twenty
yards, and throw javelin with such
dexterity that they would not miss
mark the size of mans head more than
four out of ten times at distance of
fifty yards, beside other tests referring
to their expertness in the use of the bow
and the broadsword. Popular Science
M0RthlU.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
RIaclsinR the yellow Fever.

Mental confusion is phenomenon to
which every one is liable who can be
badly scared, and it takes but very little
of it to turn tragedy into farce. Some
years ago, when the terrible "Yellow
Jack" was in Savannah, Judge B,
of the supreme court of the state, was
holding session in the upper county, but
within twenty-four hours run, by mail,
of the infected city. Quite suddenly,
late one afternoon, he was seized with a
headache, pain in his back, limbs, etc.
Having heard that these were the saluta-
tions which Yellow Jack extends to his
victims when approaching them, the
judge, in great CONSERVATION, applied to
friend, who was posted" for advice.
A hot mustard bath was ordered at once,
and the judge was soon laving himself
in the irritating fluid.
Presently he felt better, and finding a
cake of soap in the bath tub, he began
to apply it quite freely upon his person.
After some pleasant exercise in this way,
he looked down for the first time on his
body and limbs, and to his horror dis
covered that he was turning blackl His
friend was hurriedly sent for, came in,
and declared that the symptoms were in
tensely expressive of yellow fever.
But" said the judge, 81 feel no pain;
feel we'll"
$50 much the worse; the absence of
pain is marked symptom"
"Oh," groaned the judge, "what shall
I doin
"The only hope is in mustard; rub
away" was all the advice his friend
could give.
And he did rub with a will, On ex-
animation, he was as black as a crow, and
the "soap," which careless servant had
dropped into the tub, was discovered to
be somebody's patent paste backing.
The Judge survived.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
Diet for Athletes.

In Doctor Sargent's recent lecture on
"What Shall We Eat to Get Strongm he
said in the course of his remarks: cit
has been customary to train athletes
on lean beef and mutton, but he thought
this a mistake, as tissue-making food
should be used in combination with
these, and the diet should be so changed
as to meet the requirements of the or
ganism of the person using it, for to
establish one diet for all persons was
ridiculous. Beef alone is not superior
to meal, beans, or other farinaceous food,
and the size of the muscles of man
is not indicative of his strength.
Farinaceous food tones a man down,
and will tend to give him more endur-
ance. A man who can strike blow
equal to four hundred pounds would be
called strong man, but this strength
cannot be kept up for any length of
time on animal food, as it comes from
the base OF the brain, and endurance
must be sought for in other kinds of
food. To reduce the weight of a man in
training lean meats may do, but when
he is down in weight he must go back
to food containing more carbon, such as
ham and sausages, which should al
ways be eaten cold. Three years ago
this would have been considered ridicu-
lous by trainers, but for a diet for run
ming, walking and rowing it has been
found that saccharine food, with beef or
mutton is the best; tea, coffee and al
cohol. as well as condiments, are objec-
tionable; indeed, it is not the quantity
of food a person eats that strengthens
him, but the amount assimilated and
worked into the organism. -Harrard
Herald.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
Tougher Than Pie-Crust.

"That horrid Mrs. Sawyer" said Mrs.
Jones. the other day. 81 wish she
would move out of the neghborhood.
"Well, what do you run there all the
time for2 told you how it would be, 4"
retorted Mr.. Jones.
This was not the kind of sympathy
Mrs. Jones expected, and she became
ominously silent.
"What has she said about you now7"
inquired Mr.. Jones.
Oh, it's nothing about me-" said
Mrs Jones.
"Who is it about9" asked Jones, with
evident anxiety.
"It's about you," resumed Mrs. j.
"S She says you're no more fit to run for
oAice than brindle cat and that if Saw
yer votes for you she'd never speak to
him again. She says
Never mind,n said Jones loftily.
Pm not the least interested in what a
feeble-minded woman says"
But the fiatiron had struck home, and
Jones left the table with look on his
face thae boded no good.
1t was baking day at the Sawyers'.
If there was anything Mrs. Sawyer
prided herself upon it was the tender,
tlaky quality of her paste. Jones knew
this.
Mrs. Sawyer was just rolling that ten
der pie-paste into great sheets of trans
parent dough, when there came knock
at the door. Mrs Sawyer answered it,
rolling pin in hand. 1t was Willie Jones
who had knocked.
"Please, Mrs Sawyer, said the inno-
cent child, ''pa would like piece of
your pie-c crust"
Certainly, Willie" said Mrs. Jones,
much tiattered, "but it isn't baked
yet"
"He doesn't want it baked.n
"But he can't eat raw pie-crust.
"He isn't gong to eat it."
"Then what is he going to do with
it9n
''He said he wanted to mend the har-
ness, and make hinges for the barn door
with it, andn--
The rolling pin hung fire, and the boy
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
When In Doubt.

A couple of Hoosier statesmen were
travelling from Chicago to Washington
with Senator Logan. The latter occupied
a seat by himself and was engaged in
reading a magazine. His companions,
seated Immediately behind him, were
discussing the rules of whist. They got
into a heated argument over the rule
that requires player, when in doubt, to
lead trumps. After talking several min
utes, one of them appealed to the Sena-
tor: "General, - he saia, "when you are
in doubt what do you do2" Logan, half
turning his swarthy face toward his ques-
tioner, answered in cool, matter of-fscs
way: "Consult Mrs. Logan"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
The SchOoImaster's Promise.

"Boys," said an old schoolmaster,
smiling, one day, 81 am about to bargain
with you for good conduct, desire that
you will behave yourselves with decorum
for one week, and l will promise to show
you curiosity-what no man ever saw,
and, having shown it to you, what no
man will ever see again" An anxious
week followed-a week of curiosity, be-
wilderment, hope, and pleasure in en-
bryo. Out of school it was all the talk
"What could it be-" Another and an
other day, until the last Saturday dawned
upon our gladdened young hearts. Nine
o'clock came; every urchin was at his
post; books and states all in readiness /;
every task committed to memory. Alto
gether a charming state of affairs. "Tin-
kle, tinkle!" sounded the bell-that bell
had a voice as well as a tongue. Mr..
Birchen entered, seated himself, then
raised the lid of his desk, and drew the
wonderful thing forth-ad justed his ON
inous looking spectacles astraddle his
nasal protection, and proceeded to the
solemn ceremony, saying, 1.-The hour has
at length arrived. Behold in my appraised
finger single filbert. In this tilbert is a
kernel" tremendously breaking the
SHE'LL and exposing the tiny thing to view,
he continued: "This no man ever saw"
then opening his capacious jaws he thrust
in the mysterious kernel, crushed and
swallowed it. "Boys ~ exclaimed he, with
great emphasis, "boys, you will never-I
shall never-no man ever will see that
kernel again To your lessons, you ras-
Gals, every one of you"
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
Breaking up n Refrigerator MAJ

Breaking up n Refrigerator Man.
"Fifty dollars to the man who can
prove that any two things put into this
ice-chest will taste of the other"
He had a refrigerator run out to the
curbstone, hung the above sign over each
side, and retired indoors to await the
expected run of customers. People
passed up and down the street, jostled
each other in their hurry, glanced at the
ice-box and its sign, and-went on. At
ter some hours of disappointed hopes and
expectations the dealer saw q pedestrian
halt, calmly peruse the wonderful an
nouncement, and rather hesitatingly ad-
vance to the door.
"Do you mean it 2" he inquired in an
anxious tone, pointing over his shoulder
to the sign.
eyes sir-ee," emphatically responded
the dealer.
'Put your money up" insinuated the
stranger.
"No, SIR" replied the dealer in
pompous style; ''my word is as good as
the cash"
CAN right, I'll take you" responded
the stranger, as he departed. Some time
after he returned with box under each
arm.
"Stick to your agreement9" he que
ried.
'Of course 1 WILL" answered the
dealer, wondering what in the name of
Christopher Columbus the man had in
view.
The stranger set his boxes down on the
sidewalk, and crowd began to collect.
He told the dealer that he was afraid
that he (the DEALER would back out of
the bargain, but the latter asserted his
readiness to put up the stamps if nee
essary. The stranger opened a box,
lifted a cat out and placed her in the re-
frigerator; then he opened the other box
and took therefrom wire cage contain
ing large rat.
''Now, mister" said he. "you just
shut that door in hurry when flop the
rat inside, and I'll go you another fifty
that one will taste OF the other in less'n
five minutes"
The crowd yelled, and the dealer
slammed the refrigerator door and slid
into the store, with remark about fools
and swindlers. He still refuses to recog-
nize the strangers claim to the $50-but
has taken his signs in.-Dencer Repu6Ii-
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
How He Wanted to he Shaved.

The following incident has been re-
lated before, but the Boston Globe thinks
it will be enjoyed at this time: The late
Charles O'Conor, soon after he took up
his residence at Nantucket, had occa-
sion to visit one of the barber-shops in
the town. The tonsorial artist, clated at
the honor he enjoyed in the patronage
Of so distinguished a citizen, greeted
Mr.. O'Conor in the following garulous
manner:
"Good morning, MIR. O'Conor. Fine
morning, SIR"
No answer.
"Think the weather,will continue fine,
Mr.. O'Conor."
No answer.
"We've had good deal of rain,
SIR"
No answer. The great lawyer sat in
the chair.
"Iow would you like to be shaved7"
inquired the barber, placing a towel
about his new customers chin.
in silence, sir" was the stern and
solitary reply.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
THE SIGN.

"When you are dead, my darling,
When over you has grown
The grass TO hide your face away
Beneath a graves white stone
When, where your dear feet often trod
You may not tread again,
And you are in the world Of God
And the world Of men;
Oh, then, if by your grave, dear,
speak some loving word,
pray you, give some sign TO me
To tell me that you heard"
"Dear, if you lneel beside me
And whisper, thro' the mold
Above me any tender words
loved to hear of old
If in the grasses growing
Above my place of rest
Some little flower should blossom,
Some flower you loved the best,
The while you kneel beside me
And speak your loving word,
Oh, you will see it, darling,
And you will know heardl"
-Eben E. Rerford.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Short meater-A dishonest butcher.
Men who hate long sentences-Crim.
inals.
Straw hats show which way the wind
blows.
Do they ever bury dead calm p
Derrick.
Butter is so cheap that the poorest
people can make spread with it.-Pic.
dytt,ae.
The hand that rocks a cradle is the
hand that can't stone a hen with any sue.
cess,--Ne0 York Journal
Carlyle says: Laughter means sym.
pathy." This will bring comfort to the
man who has Inadvertently trodden on a
banana peel.-BoSton Post.
"Trust men and they will trust you,"
said Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Trust
men and they will bust you," says an Or
dinary, everyday business man.-Satur
day Night.
An exchange says that the famom
monkey of the Jardin des Plantes has
'joined the great majority of Monkeys" ="
Become "dude," we presume.-Neu
York Graphic.
"The female giraffe" says the Bis
marck Tribune, "has tongue seventeen
inches long, but she can't talk" Now
we know why giraffe wears such sad
and subdued expression.
HOW oLEo is MADE.
"My name is oleomargarine,
I'm mighty nice to handle;
And when they want TO make me
They milk a tallow candle"
-Merchdnt- Traveller.
Queen Victoria is said to have nineteen
granddaughters. When the old lady and
her granddaughters get on street car
good many loyal Britons have to hang on
to the straps - Courier-Journal.
A Vermont woman, who was thrown
out of runaway team, was found in an
apple tree uninjured. This is the first
time woman was ever known to climb
a tree under the influence of fright
Darlington Free Press.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23

escaped, but the barrier between the
houses of Jones and Sawyer can never be
broken. 1t is tougher than pie-crust.
Detroit Free Press.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
FIVE MINUTES OF FUN.
HUMOROUS STORIES THAT WILL
RAISE A SMILE.

Too Thin-HOw He Wanted TO be
Shaved-HIacISing the Yellow Fever
Tougher Than Pie-Crust.
'Tt is astonishing" remarked Sam
Colly at the breakfast table, chow ex-
tremes meet in this world"
'To what extremes do you refer, Mr..
Colly2" asked the widow Flapjack, who
was pouring out the coffee.
"Well you, for instance, are very stout,
and the coffee is so very thin," and he
stirred up the mixture, and smiled in a
sickly sort of q way.
'It's not as thin as your excuses for
not paying your board regularly"
Sam has not said "coffee" since. .-jSDt-
ings.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
THE APPLES GREEN.

The small boy looks with longing eyes
Upon the apples green,
He will not touch them if he's wise,
For lurking at the core there lies
Coles and cramps unseen.
Chicago Sun.
care you having much practice now2'
asked an old judge of a young lawyer.
Yes, sir, good deal, thank you" "Ah,
Pm glad to hear it. In what line is your
practice particularly" "Well, sir, par
ticularly in economy"
''Did the lion and the lamb ever lie
down togetheri" asked a young hopeful
who had just returned from Sunday.
school. "Ye, my son." answered the
father; "but the lamb was out of sight.
The boy was satisfied. .-Pecb'S Sun.
ABOUT THE SIZE OF IT.
There's a street in New York known as Wall,
Far famous for wind and for gall,
Where men who go in
Intending to win
Come out with just nothing at all
Louisville Courier-Jou1nal.
A fashion item says Tanned kids are
coming in fashion again. 1t will be
harder than ever now to coax boys to go
to school. Tanned kids went out OF
fashion when the old style pedagogue
stepped down and out with his rattan.--
AOTistoWR Herald.
'Look here. This piece of meat don't
suit me. It's from the back of the ami
malls neck, said an Austin man to a
German butcher. mine frcn', all dot
beef vat l sells is back of dot neck.
Dere vos nodding but horn in front of dot
neck.-Ieeas SJtings.
'Ah!" exclaimed an old miner who
went up in the air on the wing of
prematurely discharged blast, this makes
me feel homesick. " GLOW sol" gasped
his companion, who involuntarily ac.
companied him. because it's the big
gest blowing-up I've had since l left my
wife in the States. "-NetO York Journal
1t is said that just before a HindNo
woman dies a COW is brought in that she
may take hold Of its tail as her life passes
away. Anybody who has been yanked
over two-acre lot of newly-plowed
land, deathessly gripping the tail of an
impulsiye COW, can understand how the
heather rite is supposed TO typify the
longing of person to die. .-itOetLand
Courier.
Milk, in the manufactured ce-cream,
is first boiled and afterward partially
CONCEALED. In the boiling a lacteal acid
of baterie is set free that uniting with
hypo-sulpnide OF buterie oxide, again
solidlfies as bi-sulphide of stumakake
in the congealing. This, when taken
into the system, produces cramps, fre-
ouentss ending fatally. (Show this to
your girl.)
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
NOT TODAY.

W. ANf~CA
Not to-day the golden fruition
OF the hopes that beclSon on,
For the Joy of attained ambition
Flashed not from the eyes Of dawn.
Not to-day the vessel riding
In the port Of Happy Isles,
Where rapture is ever abiding
And illusion no more beguiles
Not to-day the bloom of the lotus
To gladden. seasick eyes,
And a glory like that of Canopus
On the evenings tropic skies.
All Of these for evasive tomorrow,
But to-day desires unrest,
The toll Of endeavor and sorrow
For the slow, uncertain quest.
Mary L. Goodrich.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1884-07-23
RArEs OF ApvERrIsINo.

One Square, one inch, one insertion. ........u %
One Square, one inch, one month. 90
One Square, one inch, three months. 90
One sauae, one zach, one ysar.............. 10 "
Two Squares, one ysar..............s........ ~
Quarter Column, one eysar,.....'..........s.. ~
Half Column, one year ..ss....s.....
One Column lone year. ~ y
Legal notices at established rates.
Marriage and death notices gratis.
An bills for yearly advertisements collected guar-
terry Temporary advertisements must be paid in
advance.
Job Work-eaah on delivery.
Luxemburger gazette. [volume] (Dubuque, Iowa) 1871-1918, 1884-10-28
GS 1T Nlen, bic ii9 mebr ober wenise

Gs 1T QIen, bic ii@ mebr ober peniser
NIT BoIitit bei5dftisen, cine betannte Gas
DE, baB bic bsuti1en Stimmseber serabe
b~ieienisen finb, bic am slei9siItisiten ses
gen ibre Biirserre9te. Oa 1T Der Mmsris
faner, er ueridumt teine 0abI unb wsnn
Seusabeln fielen, Der Stride, Der isin
9idet ifimmsn muB, sebt, unb bat er 3pans
gig Weilen gu seben. Nur Der Osuti9s, CT
it's, Der INNER iast, o auf meme Gimme
fommt's ia ni9t on, unS bann gu Sauie
bleibt. @eraSe er absr ITS, Der am meis
ffen %taiionirt, penn bic YerpaItuness
mai9inerie bes Sopnibips, Gountps,
Staatss ODER 9anbss ni1t mad gerlanaen
arbsitst. DAP mir biss ni6t 70 mir
ni1ts Dir ni6ts obne @runb ~bebaupten,
ssbt baraus bsrpor, bab mir uns umfrass
ten ME uisIe resiitrirte Stimmen Bel Der
lebten WubI in Dubuque SO. nidt abses
geben wurben. @s paren beren, bic
Stabt ni@t mitssre9uet senau s67, meis
items Oeuti4e, unb meiitenS Oemotratsn.
sSn Genter Eownibip ALIEN waren es lO2.
@lio ss bsiBt gu arbsiten, baB bieie Stims
men beraustommen.