Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-08-28

uehofaleu Wneu we new DlnOCfallC
meetns.
One advantage NV bein Dimekrat at
the Corners is we don't change at all.
The banners we marched under in 1861
do list as well for us now, for we are
constantly titin the old titc over agin, and
alluz will
TILL DETH DO Us PART.
l assoomed the chair, Issacker Gavitt
took the Secretary'S table, eN-otlisho, and
| made the speech ez yoosud,
/ commenst an elaborate discushn NV
the the platform NV the party, and wuz
gittin on very well till | come TO the tar.
III plank. when Joe Bigler riz and inter
tuptid me. | knew the cuss wood do it.
and my hart went down into my boots
81 beg pardon, sed Josef, cor inter
ruptin the eloquent speaker, and wood
emit do il only ! desire TO assist him IN
eloosidatiu the eggsant meeuin uv the
platform, over wien / understand Their
hel bin some trouble Ii Their is any
thing on earth which shood be cleer and
well defined, SO cleer that he who runs
may read, it is the platform NV prnci-
pies NY a CRATE party. 10 shOod be $50
cleer that the humblest intellect shood
know eggsachy wat is meant by il and
wat them witch stand on it propose to do
about it.
TO the end NV hevin a plain and cleer
lNTERPBETAsHEN Nv THIS TARIFF PLANK,
it okkurcd to me, when | wuz over 60
Seceshunviee, 60 go to the highest au-
thority on the sublIck, which Is Mr. Bar
mum. the chairman NV the Nashuel
Oimekrat Committy. If anybody ON
ear u ought To know wat the platform
means it is Barnuun, isn't it! "
The meeting all yelled Eyes" wFcn
Josef went on:
II may as well mention that | as
soomed the name NV our esteemed friend
lssaker Gavitt and teegraphed thus;
no Mr. VIM II. Barnum, Cheerman
NV the Nashnel Dimebrat Committee:
Does the Dimekratic platform meen per-
teckshun or free trade.
" IssAKEG GAvITr, Manyoofaktrer,
The answer received wuz entirely sat
isfaktry. 1t read thus:
TO lssaker Gavitt. Manyoofaktrer:
The tariff plank in the Dumekratic plat
form mems tariff reform with tenden-
VITO the Perfection NV Amerikin labor
by imposiu heavy do0ties on the man
yoofakters NV the bloated Briton, Bare
down heavy ON the perteckshun ten
dency among your operatives.
w. II. BARNUM Cheermau.
Issaker, which hoz small interest in
a rollin mill riz to his feet and yelled,
al KNOWED 1T.
| kuowed it's Wv course we want tariff
reform, but the platform is all in the
direCkshun NV Perteckshun. Hooray
d" shood also state" continued Josef,
'that when / returned TO the Corners
/ telegraphed wmst more to Mr.. Barnum
to be sure that he'd not misunderstood
him, only / yoosed the name of oar
equally esteemed friend, Deekin Pogram.
| This was my second dispatch;
Wat is the eggsact meenin NV the
/ tariff plank in the Dmekratic platform:
| ask as a sufIerin Dmekratc agrcul-
/ toorist, in farming seckshun.
DEEKIN SETH PoGBAM.
The anser cum back very promptly:
To Deelin Seth Program; The tarili
plank in the dimokratic platform IS en-.
/ tirely explicit 1t meeus taritf reform
with an uncompromisin leenin' toward
! free trade and the rite to buy goods u
/ England or elsewhere, wherever you kin
! buy EN- the cheapest. Bare down heavy
on the free trade tendency among you
oppresst agricultooral friends
j w. H. BARNUM, Cheerman
II knowd it ~ lnowd i'll"
sHREEKED THE GOOD OLD DEEKGN
Hoorayl we hev a platform which
meens free trade"
| Sum trouble ensood. lssaker swore
that the dispatch sent TO the Deellin was
bogus and the Deellln swore that the
dispatch sent TO lssaker was bogus, for
both he'd he'd the platform red to en-.
and they both he'd constrood It,
lssaker denounced the Deeldn ez a
id old ass. for sed he, docs nos
/ Randall, uv Pennsilvauy, accept the
platform and isn't he aperteckshuuist.
Did ass yerself,n retorCd the Deck
iH. d" Does not Watterson, and Cerlisie,
and Morrison. and Iud all accept II,
and aim, they all rlbd free-tradersF
Aud then ez these two Dimolrats WIZ
throwin mud at each other the meetin
broke up ia q row, and Joe Bigler rolled
of latin, remarku that he wu2 sorry for
Inc disturbance, but he wanted the plat
form clcery defined, and lac didn't know
now else TO git clecr ennunshiashenu NV
vat it meant than by telegraiiin the
chairman NV the Dimocratic Nashnel
Committy.
ile shood immeiitly perseed to tele-
graft more nv EN- soon, and wood hev
90 scrs by the time the Dimocrisy NV the
Corners wanted to rgtify again
lf the good Lord in lis mint mercy
wood only take Joe Bigler to Ills bum,
Good yet along with the Dimocrisy
h,tc. lie never appeers upon the sur!ls
without maxim trouble.
lie and that Pollock from lllinoy to
rrlher manage to keep us in hot water
.,I} the time. Wood that the good old
ime. wuz back agin, wen we Good Or
.3ui2e and invite en-, at the muzzle Of
liHguus to move But them days hev
zone. with u.s. Down in Mississippi IL
N30d answer, or even in Danyille, Nr-
emmy; but here the niggers are too
trong for that sort NV argument, and
our sperits is broke
Is. ker and the Dcebin commenst the
ia fte over agin, and / hewitt been able
to compromise the nlatterez yet. it is q
cold world and full OF trouble.
PETROLEUM " Massey.
On constant hot waters