The Arkansaw traveler., 1884-09-13
AM AlGRRIcAM.s RxexRlRncR.
ITippecaaee, Ia New York World

Nes YoEk ten days, but ind that ms experiences and adventures are regarded as every bit as interesting as if l were but one hour old in the modern Ephesus. If am asked how long was in Europe must fall back on my calculations and answer in dollars and cents. To be pre- else l vas in Europe to the extent oi AsSSs. That sum is the equivalent oi all impressions of time and space lefs by my experience on my mind. Anybody who has in like manner and in a literal sense paid Europe a visit will be readily able to convert this statement into hourx minutes and seconds.
 AS it is not all of life to live, So there is more in visiting Europe than seeing the sights which are popularly supposed te await and invite the toaring American 1 desire to say as plainly as possible that, without beng at all close man, de voted more attention to the composition of little sums in pencil on stubs of note paper than to all the guide books which ieli into my hands.
 From the very outset, the European pleasure-trip of tyro in travel is fraught with deepening sense of insecurity frem a monetary point of view. For example, l bought berth on the AT British steamer Lobelia. The beTth selected is advertised as costing SIoo in currency. discovered that between the advertised price and that which would have to pay for it a gulf existed to the amount of S2s. Like every other berth in the vessel, it had been engaged by gentleman !" 90 thoroughly vague, mythical and im- palpable, that aiter many inquiries put him down as the male equivalent of Mrs. Harris, and handed over my s75 bonus to his bland agent, the clerk in the steam- ship office
 It is to be hoped ,ha, this MT. Harris, this mystic gentleman who engages !" every berth in every ocecan steamer months before she sails, divides fairly with the clerk. He ought to, for the clerk certainly earns his fee.
 Having paid, therefore SI25 for my berth, went on board just as the steamer was beginning her long wallow between Sandy Hook and the Rock Light. A polite steward who seemed to roll on we'll oiled castors rather than run, and whose utterances were equally husky and "h l" less, met me at my state-room door, with more than hint that for consideration should be we'll "placed at the dinner table, the seat once allotted te passenger remaining at his disposition until he goes ashore. l accepted the suggestion. and he accepted the five-dollar bill which it drew out. Tally SI % SO far.
 For the first three days was mortally Ill. The weather was reported mild !" by divers red-iaced persons, who Haunted their unholy appetites and revolting in- difference to the ships motion in man. ner no language of mine can sufficiently condemn. But had to subsist on a thin ye, inAammatory diet of brandy and shaved ice. Each "nip" cost me 70 cents. Each trip of the steward cost me 90 cents more, and consumed ten "nips per diem on my own account making total for three days of thirty "nips,n at 6o.cents each. Total, SIS. Tally so far sr4S.
 On the fourth day managed to crawl on deck. met two or three fellow pas- sengers who sympathized with me al- most to the point of ostentation. had 10 show my gratitude. did SO. It cost me S4. Tally SI52 so far.
 On the fifth day found my sea legs. To be more explicit, managed to adapt to the exigencies of my situation that ec- which on shore l usually reserve to be used only when return home from my lodge. On my sea legs l managed to stagger to the fore part of the ship, be- guiled thitl3er by an artful, sunburnt and hairy person whom took to be the boat swain. l found out afterwards that he was a mere contemptible coal-passer. No sooner had clambered on the structure in which the $eamen and coal-passers re- pose than l was premptorily enjoined to pay my footing. Insecure as 1t was, my footing cost me s. Tally 90 far, SI57.
 That night l received an inhmation from the purser tha, he rather felt hurt. l had not accepted the Inequalities of his cabin, in which asylum a set of good fel- lows seemed to spend their entire time. Full of remorse and contrition accepted the hospitalities- They consisted chiefly oftobacco-smoke, poker, brandy and soda, poker, tobacco-smske, more poker, more brandy and soda, more tobacco-smoke and poker. Yet they were expensive ospitalities-perhaps not so expensive to the purser as they were to me They stood me out-l had almost written in S,o, a fearful headache, a bad taste in my mouth and a painful suspicion that l had been roasted" Tally, therefore, SIS7 up to date
 Next evening came the inevitable en- tertainment for the benefit of the Seamen's Ophanage in Liverpool It was given by the stewards assisted by a pale young amateur vho "recised," a scTeechy young lady who sang several ballads in a voice which seemed to affect even the engines and a fat German who 90 pounded the piano that the captain sitting through the melancholy show vith . candid ez- pressioa of being utterly boeed bus hav- ing to do 1t as one of his duties, frovned darkly and bade one of the stewards 20 to the rescue of the endangered instTu- meut. The Seaman's Ophanaee for this |" entestainment got S1. 90 out ol me. It