The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1884-12-11

not such love as minei Time, they say, can
heal every wound. Not such wound as
minel My whole existence underwent
change when Philippa showed me the wed
ding-riny ON her finger No wonder IL did.
Hope was eliminated from 1t. From that
moment was a changed man.
Life was no longer worth living. The
SPUR Of ambition was blunted; the desire for
fame gone; the interest which l had hitl-
erto fslt in my profession vanished. All the
spring, tho elasticity, seemed taken out OF
my being. For months and months ! dld
my work In perfunctory manner. 1t gave
me no satisfaction that my practice grew
larger worked, but l cared nothing Tor
my work Success gave mo no pleasure. An
increase to the number Of my patients was
positively un welcome to me. So long as
made money enough to surply my daily
needs, what 4 it matteri or what uss
was wealth to met 1t cou not buy me the
ono thing for which craved. or what use
was II e9 No wonder that such friends as
had once possessed all but forsook me. MY
mood at that time was none OF the sweetest
wanted no friends. I was alone In tho
world should be always alone.
So things went on for more than year.
grew worse instead Of better. My gloom
deepened; my cynicism grew more con-
nrm'uS NY AAo SoS"nAS AAAs ~
aimless
These are not lovers rhapsodies. would
snare you them II could; butt is necessary
that you should know the exact state OF my
mind in order to understand my subsequent
conduct, Even now it seems to me that l
am writing this description with my hearts
blood.
Not word came from Philippa. male
no INQUIRIES about her. took no steps to trace
her. dared not Not for one moment did
forget her. and through all those weary
months tried to think Of her as happy and to
be envisd; yet in spite of myself. shud-
dered as pictured her lot as 1t might
really be-
But all the while I knew that the day
would come when 1 should learn whether
was to be thankful that my prayer had been
answered, or to be prepared to keep my
VOW.
In my misanthropical state of mind
heard without the slightest feeling OF joy or
elation that distant relative of mine, q
man from whom l expected nothing, had
died and left me the bulk of his large prop
erty. feared nothing for this unexpected
wealth. except for the fact that it enabled
me to free myself from round of toll in
which by now took not the slightest inter-
| cst Had it but come two or three years
before. Alas! all the things in this life come
| too late.
Now that was no longer forced to min
| gle with men in order TO gain the means OF
| living absolutely Stunned my kind. The
| vish Of my youth, to travel in far countries,
no longer existed with me. disposed Of
nv practice--or rather l simply handed it
over to the first conner. left the town Of
| NV adoption and bought small house-it
was little more than cottage-some five
miles away from the tiny town of Roding
| Here was utterly unknown, and could live
exactly as l chose; and for months it was
NV choice to live almost like a hermit.
| NV needs were ministered to by man
| who had been for some years in my en-
| ployment. He was handy, faithful fell
| low: honest as the day. stolid as the Sphinx;
and. for some reason or other, so much at
tached to me that he was willing to perform
! on nv behalf ths duties OF housekeeping
| which arc usually relegated to female SER
| wants.
Looking back upon that time of seclusion,
| as a medical man, ] wonder what would
eventually have been my fate if events had
| not occurred which once more forced me
into the world OF men3 firmly believe that
| breeding in solitude over my grief would at
last have affected my brain; that sooner or
later must have developed symptoms of
melancholia. Professionally speaking, the
probabilities are I should have committed
| suicide.
Even In the depth of my degradation
| must have known the dancers Of the path
which was treading; for, after having
4 passed six clrsary months in my lonely cot
tage was trying to brace myss.f to sesx e
i change OF scene sLrank from leaving
nv quiet abode; but every day formed
afresh the resolve to do so.
Yet the days. each the sams as its fore
| runner. went by, and ! was still there.
| had books, OF course. read for days to-
| pether: then would throw the volumes
aside. and, with bitter smile, ask myself
To what end was ] directing my studies.
The accumulation Of knowledgel Tush
would give all the learning had acquired,
all that lifetime Of research could acquire,
to hold Philippe for one brief moment to
my heart, and hear her say she loved mel
II in the whirl of men, in the midst OF hard
work, found it impossible to conquer my
hopeless passion, how could l expect to dc
SO living as / at present lived
There! my egotistical descriptions are 81
most over. Now you know why said that
YOU must sit by the fire and think with me
must enter, as it were, into my lnler sell
before you can understand my mental safe.
Whether you sympathizs with me or not
depends entirely on your own organization.
II YOU are so constructed that the love OF
one woman, and one only, can pervade your
very being, fill your every thought, direct
your every action, make life to you bless
ing or a curse-if love comes to you in this
grise, YOU will be abls to understand me.
That night, when first presented myself
to you, nv wounds seemed less Xix ly than
ever to heal; forgctfulness seemed further
and further away. Somehow as my Thoughts
took the well-worn road to the past, every
event Aeemsd recent as yesterday, every
scene vivid as if had just left it. Houi
after hour sat gazing at the glowing EN-
bers, hut seeing only Philippa's beloved
facs How had life Jared with herf Where
was she at this moment The resolve u
quit my secluson was made anew by me-
1 would go into the world and find her-no'
for anv selfish motive. / would learn IRON
her own lips that she was happy. II unhappy
she should have from RE such comfort q
the love Of true friend can give. Yes,
would leave this wretched life tomorrow
NV cheek fi,lshei as contrasted what wa
with what ought to be- No man has {
right +, ruin his life or hide his talents fol
the saks OF q woman.
I had another inducement which urged
mo to make change in my mode OF life
ar, ashamed that have not spoken OF It
That morning l had received n letter from
my Is,ther. l had not seen her Tor si'
years. Just as l entered mans estate sh'
married for the second tine My stepiaihs
was an American, and with many toars my
| L. txn-v,o