The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-12-25
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WIT AND HUNfOR.

NCi COdCutudu. L WAS uIifcu ~ IL.
Too many towns in this country de.
pend upon Providence instead of fire.
engines.
'.My bow is all unstrung," MARBLES
a fair poetess. Wonder if her beau has
been out on a racket.
To keep apples from decaying put
them in cool placc-where there is a
large family of children.
"A train behind time" remarked
Jones, seeing an elderly lady tricked
out in full, flowing robes.
When boy of Is runs away with a
girl of the same age the proceedings
may be called verdant slope.
Awkward idiot-"Your train is quite
long. Miss Lncy.'' Miss Lucy-.'It
will not be so long if you take two feet
of it. =
A subscriber adyertiscs for ga plain
girl to cook He probably was afraid
lie would be hanged if he cooked 3
pretty girl.
When Young man is lingering the
cash left him by his grandfather, can
it be said that he is reveling in his
ancestral hauls9
No waste of shot: ''What did you
kill?'' inquired pedestrian of sports
man on horseback" thine. was the
sententious response.
''Can man be hanged twice" asks
the New York Tribune. This may be
a mooted question: but some men de-
serve to be hanged twice-and each
time fatally.-Nen York Dial.
A fashion paper states that children's
shapes show no change. This will be
interesting news to parents, as it is ex-
pensive and troublesome to change
the shape of child every season.
Springfield Union.
Mrs. Belva Lockwood carried as
many States as Butler or ST. John. any,
how, and that is doing pretty well for
a woman's first run against old expert
eneed politicians of the pantaloon gen.
der NorristoaCn Herald.
A great Irish orator and wit was
asked what an Irish friend of his, who
had Just arrived in London. could mean
by perpetually putting outshis tongue.
81 suppose he's trying to catch the
English accent" said the wit.
..Well,n said George. Il must CO."
and then he said goodnight with the
Emma Abbot attachment thereunto ap-
pertaining. IF you must you mussed, :"
replied Linda, ..look at my hair and
ruffie.'' And he ruffied. .-Burlingt gtoss
Hdackeye.
An ingenious girl confided to friend
that she thought certain young gen.
tleman was going to propose. ''Pm
sure of it, she said, earnestly. 'tWhy,
only the other evening when he called
he told me how to prevent babies from
being bow-legged."
When a man marries q fashionable
young lady and goes to housekeeping
be should always buy healthy dog.
And the healthier the dog the better
Tor his purpose, if he wants to try the
effect Of her pie-crust upon it before he
indnlges in it himself.
..This art craze is going too far
said Brown, when a pot of paint fell
from a second-story window and struck
him on the head. mo more decorated
tiles for me,' he mournfully added as
he began to scrape the yellow paint off
his silk hat with knife.
ssCurious how much cleaner all the
people look" exclaimed Texan who
had been away on trip for couple OF
months. .'Yes," replied the old settler
to whom he was talking; ''you have no
idea what laundering lot of rain has
fallen here this season"
A man without hands was charged
in New York few days ago with steal
ing a watch. Next thing we know a
iegless man will be arrested for kicking
policeman, and blind man will be
accused of winking at the drug clerk
behind the soda-water fountain.
..Never eat and drink at the same
time. is the advice given by Munich
savant to fat people who wish to re.
duee their bulk. This appears to be an
underhand blow aimed at one of the
noblest of our American institutions
the bar-room free luuch.-Boston
Globe.
The latest novelty in the way oi
vehicles in Brighton, England, is 9
light wickerwork Bath chair fitted on q
tricycle.. There is seat for an invalid in
the front, and another for man to
propel it behind. They promise tG
drive the Bath chair-men out OF the
business.
Among a lot of modern proverbs
sent to a London newspaper were
these: "It's poor musician who can
blow his own trumpet;" The want
of money is the root of much evil:r ''11
you would know a mans character fol-
low him home;" ''Only whisper scan.
dal and its echo is heard by all, "
II there is anything that will make q
man cordially hate himself, it is when
he takes walk of about mile to the
post-office to find that he has left his
keys at home. and then, ON going
home after them. to find on opening hi,
box that the only thing in it is a caro-
notifying him that his box rent is due
;.It seems to me- said well-known
Judge TO his daughter. that your
affianced calls good many times 8
week. My court dosn't sit anywhere
near as often as yours does" so, well
papa" was the blushing reply, Il am
engaged to him, you know, and that
entities us to court of special ses'
sions.
Hostess-Go gentleman herhusb and
has brought home to dinneD: '.How
well you speak English, Mr.. Mr.
- (not understanding: Eyes,
ought to- Hostess: ..But you speak
remarkably WE'LL" Mr.. -sI ought
have lived here all my life. In fact
I was born in New York" Hostess
why, how strange! L am sure my
husband told me you were a Bohe
m;an."
He was reading a patent-medicine
almanac. Suddenly he jumped up and
shouted to his wife: somebody rur
for the doctor; I'm sick. I'm the sick.
est man on the footstool. There ain,
q disease known to medical science
that 1 haven't got symptoms of. have
reached the advanced stage of every
thing. Somebody run for the. doctor
Quickt'-Detroit Post.
A Journalistic Brain.-Editor
"What!you don't want to go to school?'
Chip of old Block: mo, | don't; it,
nicer to play" ''But you said ,onl,
yesterday. my son, that you wanted tt
be q great editor like your pa ..Yes
sir; l learned to write last season. s.St
because you can write now, you thinl
1t unnecessary to learn any more, eh
but you know you can't spell. Yol
miss every other word and Won hay.