The National tribune., 1884-07-03

white duck trousers" in PieacliIiy one recent hos
day The English are progressing Soon they
Will reach the era of the joke Of the young man
who sits down in the eastard pie
Scientists have discovered a new fnf,g.ble vav
OF telling whether is dead or not Ifisto
apply the flame of candle to one Of the 6ngers Of
the alleged corpse II life has really tIepartsd a
bag OF air viii form and soon burst with a loud
noise; If not. blister viii rise. VIII some ona
kindly touch lighted eaadle 10 the fingers Of the
Commissioner of Pensionsg
There has been complaints that Georgia news
papers lack literary culture and enterprise bus
when one OF them comes out this week with A
story OF how two caught a pig BY his ears
one on each side-and held him while a third ers
bis throat, we don't see what more could be ex-
peeted. We have never ssyshi1. equal 70
that even IN the London T58a>A
The small boy stands
Beside the pool
And with his han.is
The waters cool
He feels.
He fingers not
Nor time does waste
The weatbeF's hot
And with great haste
lie peets Boston POST
Mrs Catherine ~ Singer. the first Of Sewing la
chine Singers six wives and the mother Of three Of
his "a children, died ia Brooklyn the other eav az
lineage of69 Twenty four years after he abandoned
her singer obtained a divorce from her TO marry
Miss sponsier, who bad already borne hinl 10
Children He was also married to four other
women under many different names and had
children by all Of them Singer had talents for an
eminent career in Utah, but his attention never
seems to have been directed that way
The country VIII watch with interest tf,, career Of
young Irving Hail. who has graduated from West
Point this year not only At the head Of his class.
he hferf,a k.x.s
uate of the Military Academy From, his first year
ne WIS first IN every study. he has been assigned
TO duty IN she Engineers and is expected 10 have
wonderful career. But i Is well 70 build u too
nigh hopes on this basis. The failure Of the bright
est scholars TO make an adequate record in AFTER
NE . notorious. some years ago a welI-vvritten
article appeared in Of the magazines on yas
becomes OF the valeeietOrianss" in which il was
shown that, a rule, the vaIedietcrian's HIGHEST
emineuee attained on the day when he dsliz-
cred bis address, and that he usually subsidized into
commonplace clergyman in some country VI
lage, or an equally dull and commonplace LAWYER
pnysieian, or business man. Other qualities BE-
side mere capacity to acquire knowledge are re-
qIsired by the man who makes an erainen6 sneeess
OF life.
SCENE IN THE BUREAU
"Ahi-Hum Hal said the Hon. Commit
sioner Of Pensions. carefully folding Up THE M
-
his intellect some needed reeuperarion He locked
the paper Up that he mighE be sure Of getting, il
again, for be had only read column or two The
Hon Commissioner Of Pensions Is a very teInpeFate
man. and he takes but little at a time Of The NA-
TIoSAL TErBUSE-as of any other rich and highly
nutritious food-lest he saifer from intellectual
gorge.
"Ahi-Hum -Ha," he repeated with such TN
wonted animation that a spider hard At work on
the finishing touches Of fne baez-stiteh web she
had been stretching over a case OF papers marked
= important - Require Immediate Attention.
started up in alarm, fearing that some spasm Of
activity might ruin her long summer labor.
Let see he continued in his usual soft
slow, measured, get-shere-sn before-C rist-
mas way, there used to be bell around here
somewhere - ies,stways there WAS before the cal
kns boom smo.e me. don't remember anything,
very distinctly since theni All. here it IS the cob
webs hid it,
The tinkle in the distance was evidently mufsed
by accumulation OF dust on the unused bell.
There was no answer for little while but when
the ring repeated there was sound Of the
stretching" Of some one unwTlingly aroused
from his nap and presently yawuing messenger
appeared.
Tell the Chief Clerk to be good enough 10 step
here said the Hon. Commissioner, with she re-
pOseful defberation of man whose salary goes on
by the year.
After while Ianguid dragging, Pm-on-the-last-
lap-of-a-60t-i-liles- go-as-you please steps were
heard in the corridor. aad the Chief Clerk ap-
pesret.
Mr.. Better-Late-T Than Never said the Hon.
Commissioner, trying to eaten out a ya7n before IL
made third base, but mufling it badly, = I hear
complaints that the business Of this Bureau is not
driven along as promptly as it should be"
Not driven aions-O, nay p answered the Chief
Clerk hastily putting up his pall-lesf fan to con-
ceal cavernous cape.
Yes. sir said the Hon. Commissioner. in thas
bIood-freeznS fne-you-sld-snd-the- costs tona
which made his reputation IN the fresh and inno-
cent days when he was justice Of the peace. Men
say that we expect them to become as old as
Methusaleh, in order TO get pension Tor the lass
year OF two OF their lives
Dear. how very unreasonable! sighed the
Chief Clerk
here's letter from man who had both legs
taken off at Gettysburg by piece of she'll COM
planning that nc IS not awarded pension. Whats
the reason his claims not allowed"
"A very good reason, replied the Chief Clerk
with the marble conposure of a who holds
four kings and ace; because he can't prove
that he didn't have rheumatism before he entered
the army, which would have made his legs of no
use him by this time"
You're right, sir, as you always are. Be kind
enough to wake up the messenger as you go out,
and have him close the Bureau. This working De-
tween maps il ruiHing my health"
And then, in the great ,slumberous quiet which
brooded over the Bureau the spider on laying
out u border. two fingers deep, for the web
over the Important Papers ease.
Gov ORDwAY has appointed Thos. s. Free
Dept. Com. G. A. r. Brigadier- General Of tho