The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1884-08-30
Paragraph Fiend.
Full of whpa-A coachman,
Four in hand-The piano duet

-Four in hand-The piano duet
Two heads better than one-In barrel.
Marriage is cheap. All it costs girl Is
assent
Gen. Logan continues 10 make speeches
in blank prose.
Drawing the line on Keller is certainly
rough in a Blaine and Logan year,---Spr'"9'
field RepTbl,cdn.
The new song, u am Nobody's Darling
was nov written by DR.. Mary Walker, THIS
is reliable.
Some of the new mourning bonnets are
80 snail that only the smallest klnd OF
grief can have any show on them,
People 90 10 the seaside resorts iol
change, but as far as our observation ana
experience go they don't come back with
any.
"But,n SAID the seren8led man, 81 must
90 out and make a speech Something
must be done to stop the playing OF tha'
band"
Abraham was not a poker player as Ian
as we have any wofane record, but the
Bible mentions the fact that he beat ioul
kings
The Oldest inkabitant is usuallya man,
saws an exchange. But il needn't be So II
women would only stand up TO their ages.
Grace (whispering): What lovely boots
your partners got Mary" Mary ditto
"Yes, unfortunately he shines at the wrong
end"
Having been sent book entitled Sum
mer poems" after careful scrutiny We
have decided that summer poems and
Summer not"
A camel will work seven or eight days
without drinking. In this he differs from
some men, who drink seven or eight days
without working.
Ben Butler has been provided with a
running mate Acting upon the advice OF
the lamented DR., Greeley he has conclu
ded 70 go West.-Chicag0 .Vatt
Recitation In moral philosophy; Profes-
sor-"What has a mother in view when
she spanks an incorrigible child" Vassar
girl-rses, bushes and sits down.
An old lady having seven marriageable
daughters, fed them exclusively on fish
diet, because it is rich in PHOSPHORUS, and
phosphorus is the essential thing in max
ing matches,
A hens egg measuring 81 by sl9 inches
has been laid on the table Of Georgia edi
tor. He proposes to keep it and let it ripen
for the next dramatic combination that
comes down that way
A cyclone in Kansas carried away bank
building, but rs the cashier had departed
in an opposite direction the day before, il
wasn't thought worth while to hunt after
the bank.
One of the noticeable things about Ben
Buffers campaign is that his moral charac
ter has not been assailed. The campaign
scandalzer himself stands abashed before
the old gorilla.-PhiMdelphia North amer
gcdH.
Departing, had clipped a curl
That DER her brow did hang;
She, smiling, said, you're like gun,
You 20 off with bang
At which pressed her lips and cried,
"For punning you've a knack;
But now I'm like fisherman,
go of with smack
A Florida man reports that he recently
killed an alligator in whose stomach was
found live hen sitting on dozen of eggs
He has been ordered TO the republican
Headquarters TO serve during the campaign
David Power, of Springfield, Says he
would rather vote for the devil than Ben
Butler and he will give his vote for Blaine VI
This statement is little equivocal, but we
suppose it is meant TO be complimentary to
Mr. Blaine-Worcester Muses. Gasette.
Beneath a shady tree they sat;
He held her Land, she held his hat;
held my breath and lay right fat;
They Kissed saw them do it.
He held that kissing was no crime
She held her head up every time;
held my peace and wrote this rhyme,
While they thought no one knew it,
New college joke. Professor says "Iime
is money; how do you prove :" Student
says We'll, if you give twenty -five cent.
10 oaaple of tramps, that is quarter to
two"
A gentleman bought newspaper, and
tendeDed in payment piece of forty sous
The newspaper woman 81 haven't the
change you can pay me as You pass along
tomorrow" The gentleman: but sup
pose ] should be killed today" The
newspaper woman "Oh, IL wouldn't be a
very great loss"
BEHaSD PoRTIKRE.
Away from the crowd Of dancers
Wanders LOVING pair,
Ard seat themselves for a quiet chat