The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1884-09-12
Sunbeanns.

Show your colors, but don't show them
on your nose.
The path of duty = The road to the
Custom House.
The train of thought leads the pencil,
and hence it is a lead pencil
The youth who .sows wild oats" is apt
to mix in more or less tares.
If YOU would be wealthy. get upon a
mule; you will soon find you are better
off
Why is a rosebud like promlssofy
note because it natures by falllnS
dew
There is plenty of room at the top,
as the bald-headed man said to his full
beard
Why are fishermen and shepherds like
beggars because they live by hook and
10y crook
If the young man who left the poem,
II want to be at rest" on our desk Will
call in we will see that lie Is accommo-
dated
A grocer displays the suggestive sign
"If you want soft-soap do not fail to give
me call I'm sure | can give satsiac-
ton.
why did You come herel" asked a
lady of a beggar, to which he proudly
replied Il didn't come here for want,
have plenty of that at home.
Yes" said the schoolmaster, rs he
jumped wildly from his chair, " | have
always been III favor of tax on raw ma
terial, but bless me If like raw material
on tacas!'
In an Auburn prison choir the first
tenor is q murderer, while the bass aud
soprano are merely burglars. This be.us
out what we have previously remarked
about amateur tepors.
Mrs. Pinaphor thinks telegraphy ought
to be much cheaper than postage, because
the former can perform a job III five mini
utes which requires the mails from one
to six days to accomplish.
Old lady to professional street Arab
do you go to Sunday school, little
boy :" Ma" Are YOU a Protestant"
No" A Cathohc:" Naa" What
are you, then" Merican. "
Il haven't work enough for another
servant, said lady to girl that applied
for situation. Oh, yes, you have,
maam. It'll take precious little to keep
me busy. was the naive response.
A rich contractor was holding forth
upon the instability Of the world. Can
you account for it sir = he asked, turn
ing to Foote. :" Well, not very clearly,
he responded unless We suppose 1t WAS
built 10y contract
Does your sister Annie ever say any
thing about me, sissy :" asked an anxious
lover OF a little girl Yes" WIGS the
reply. She said II You had rockers on
your shoes they'd make such nice cradle
Tor my doll -"
Drug clerk to diilident young lady
Wish to get something's" Young lady,
mutteriug-'' really believe I've forgot
ten what l came for - Clerk, who catches
the last words" Camphor how much,
please:
Smart Boy" Mr. Pleecem an, please,
you've got something sticking on to the
back Of yer coat Policeman (of his
,ylard) -''What is itf" Smart Boy de-
rIsively)-" The buttons Yah" Exit at
Il hand gallop-l
\ lady who was suffering under slight
imdisposition told her husband that it
was with the greatest difficulty she could
breathe, and the effort distressed her ex-
ceelingly. II wouldn't try, my DEAR"
soothingly responded the husband
An old East Indian relates that he once
asked the schoolmaster at Delhi whether
the twelve o'clock train from Calcutta
days or yesterdays They're both due,
but yesterdays isn't i'll yet.
\ dentist presented bill for the tenth
time to d rich skinhint at strikes me-"
said the latter, that this is a pretty
l.. ss IL
I've sent 1t round often enough to make
it appear So and l have called now to get
1t squared
Parish clerk (at vestrS meeting on
the question of organ-blower's salary, the
rector in the chalr) You see, sir, it
isn't as if it was only the hymns, but
there's the comm and the goin' out and
the 'sponses and the prayers and the
Psalms take Il wonderful deal o wind.
An old lady while visiting the Egyp-
tian department at the Museum, remem-
boring now deceiviug show-people are
apt to be, pointed to the papyrus and
other ancient things, and sternly said to
one of the attendants See here, young
man, be them antikerties old}"
Al old man with a head as destitute of
hair as a pumpkin, entered a chemists
shop, and told the assistant he wanted a
bottle of hair restorer. What kind of
lain restorer do you prefer -" I'll have
to take bottle of red hair restorer That
was the color it used to be when l was
boy"
Love under Sirius George, do you
love ?''-"I did-you know fondly-
but -"Oh, George, how can yoa
say butt What has changed you p
We'll, Claro, I have a prejudice IA
what III the name of goodness were you
caressing that dog Tor p" George, how
unjust to poor Fido. He is nothing but
a friend.
Found-The key to the trunk of an ee
plant 4 hair from the head of river
A dozen feathers plucked from the wings
of the wind" A drop of blood from tile
heart of a stone. The nail from the iin-
ger of scorn The diary of the :" man in
the moon" A boot from tie foot OF Il
mountain The owners are requested to
call, Prove properly, pay expenses, and
take them away.
Everybody mast grow old, you
know" said Mrs. Bass to her husband,
who had been remarIing upon the rapid
aging of one of Mrs. B, s dear friends,
mot everybody, dear" replied Bass
eyerybody who lives long enOuCll yt,u