Bismarck tribune., 1884-02-15

TRIBUNE e.
CURRENT con MENT.
Tm frost has not injured the congrsss speech
crop.
FALL RIVER ADVANCE: Adding insult to in
jury-PlugRing trade dollar.
A MnNEsorA msn recently threw up live
frog: They must water their whisky with swamp
water back there.
THERE are no oaths in the Chinese language.
This is why Chinese editors have proved such
dismal failures in America.
New York has organized society for ehe
wearing of clean shirts. How cussed fastidious
they are getting back there.
ToM MAST, the caricaturist, is rapidly regain
ing his health. This will be distressing news to
Ben Butter and Roscoe Conkling.
A MAN named Eli has asked the government to
tion. He would probably get there.
SNAKES are so plenty in Sonora, Mexico, that
when Sonora man comes north he gets t0e
delirium tremens to prevent homesickness.
THEIR ranks have increased until now There
are 1893 600 doctors in this country, and man
doesn't know which way to dvdge any more.
'HoRRoRs of Hotel Life is the title of
recently published book. It is probably one of
the old works on "Hash,' under new name.
The present floods will cause the Kentuckians
to boycott water more than ever, and will serve
to wed Cincinnatians still closer to their beer.
SLANG has become 80 common in refined cir
clee in the east that We may soon expect to hear
of it being taught in the seminaries and colleges.
The title of Miss Lucy Larcom's latest poem
is: II Climb to Rest" Are we to infer from
this that the fair Lucy roosts in tree at night2
A MINISTER of Des Moines is announced to be
human electric battery. Every few days we
hear something shocking regarding the minis
try.
TIE papern say that Henry Irving made
deep impression in St. Louis. He probably sat
do 1n on an 10y pavement with more vigor than
grace.
CHARLES FOSTER, of Ohio, threatens to start q
frst-class daily paper in Cincinnati. What q
genuine surprise this would be to the people of
that city!
A BOSTON woman has discarded her pet pug
and gone to petting her husband, and cher eel"
have gone back on her on account of her pie
bian tastes.
An exchange says that David Davis has sat
down On the Mormon question. Whoopee!
This settles it. Now let's go ahead and arrange
for the funeral.
UNDER the laws of China, every man must
pay his bills at the end of the year. What
heathenish customs they do have in that country
of Pagan blindness!
In Montreal Mrs. Langtry asked the people to
Judge her by her dramatic work, and in the
popular verdict they wouldn't even give her the
benefit of the doubt.
IT makes Omaha people mad to refer to them
as "Omahogs," and if You want to see q man
hop around and chew the air, just AJAX Damville
man if he is Damvillain.
VISITORS to Florida complain that they sleep
too sound. The man who establishes mince
pie factory in that sunny land will be regarded
as public benefactor.
some of the mummies in the British museum
have false teeth. This throws tn, origin of the
railway sandwich away back into the murky
clouds of antiquity again.
Ex- MRS. Ex- SENATOR TABOR SAYS she will not
marry a man whom abe will have to support
This busts the matrimonial hopes of dozen
newspaper capitalists of Denver.
A GEORGIA editor states that during the two
years he has published his paper he has cleared
Just $3 month. Publishers all over the land
are anxious to know how he managed to do it.
R1aas, editor of the Chicago Telegram, used
to be preacher. This should encourage young
and almost despondent ministers to press on
faithfully. brilliant future may await them.
AN Omaha pastor is endeavoring to put stop
to Sunday night counting. A gentleman by the
name of Mahomet once tried to move noun"
tain, but that same mountain stands right there
yet.
A SCHEME for putting strychnine in the czar's
bread has been discovered, and is causing great
excitement-almost as much as if some trait
orous hand had endeavored to put water in his
whisky. -.
A CHICAGO critic says Of Ellen Terry: ''She
has voice that is laden with some of the sweet
ness of whisper and some of the softness of
sigh" That's all very satisfactory, but how is
her breath? IN
IT il reported that Rev. Father Damazo Soto
has discovered the key to the Aztec writings.
The country will shortly be flooded with new
Jokes of later brand than the majority of