Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1884-09-11

the niugts VI SdTUon Satc--DO"Se'-
giLLe Jessr'aat.
Mark Twain is learning to ride the
bicycle. He viii soon give an exhibi-
ton of innocence abroad. Citi-
zen. We hear he is going on a tour
with his white Elephant with Tom
Sawyer" to drive the beast. They ex-
peet to have splendid time Rough
ing it. ."-Brookkyn Times.
''Oh, Mr.. Solo," remarked gush-
ing young lady to rather bashful
vocalist, ''why don't you 60 into soci-
ETY. more and let US lionize you?"
my dear Miss Co. replied the singer,
there was but one man who was not
spoiled liouizing. 'sAnd who was
that, prayP" daniel. OIL City Der
rick.
Anything of importance happened
while you've been gomez" said the
Vermont man to his neighbor just
back from q journey. II should say
there had; I've had two hens die, my
dog killed a woodchuck, and Deacon
Tidd snapped horses with a French
man; oh, this town has been lively
Boston Post.
Maneuvering mamma, who is anxious
her daughters chief attraction should
not escape the notice of the very eligi-
BILE young man who is taking her down
to supper-"Maria, Mariar' ''Yes,
mamma" Take your eyelashes out of
tangle, darling" And then the young
mans heart gets all snsrled up ir
those eyelashes.
Boston has a new social club of
young men named the Puritan club.
The old clown used to say that he
named his mule '.Huckleberry" be-
cause he was so fond of blackberries,
and we fear the young mems selection
of the above innocent-sounding title
has about the same degree of reasoning
in it.-Elmirq Advertiser.
Religious joke: Some time since
gentleman died, who. during life, re-
fused to believe in any future punish
ment. Two or three weeks after his
death his wife received through spir-
itual medium the following communi-
cation: Dear wife, l now believe.
Please send my thin clothes and bar
rel of ice water." "-Christiau at York.
''Well. wife, I'm going to get some
new clothes right away" said Hart
ford man the other day; Il declare |
look too shabby to go on the streets.
Why, / met tramp on the street the
other day with enough site better look
ing overcoat on than Eve got '.Why
didn't you stop him and offer to trader"
didn't have the heart to insult the
tramp"
The car was brimful, but it stopped
to take on lady. She had scarcely
squeezed her way in when a man
squeezed his way out, and as he reach
ed the platform he growled: Here's
fair sample of the hoggishness of
the men in Detroit!'' 'Howp" "Why,
the selfish wretches sat there and made
me give up my seat to my own wife. y
Detroit Free Press. f- -1
Henpecked husband: my dear.
why can't you treat me as loving young
wives do in novels. The husband
comes home worn and tired, and the
wife takes fan and cools his brow"
Wife: ''Step this way" Husband:
"What are you going to doP" Wife.
taking up mop: 81 think you need
cooling off am going to mop your
brow. "-Burlisgton Free Press.
There is woman in Kansas City who
can scold her husband in eight langua-
ges. He hasn't such a warm time of
it, however. Fortunately when he
went to college he didn't neglect his
baseball studies in order to master the
dead languages, and when his wife
switches off to the one language he
understands he has an engagement
down -Norristoson Herald.
'Boyr' he called as he snapped his
fingers at a postoffice bootblack. "are
you the lad handed a dollar bill to
yesterday to get changed, and you beat
me out of Is centsp'' mo, SIR"
'.Look Quit How do you know you
ain't7' Cause; do look like boy
who'd beat you out of shilling when
/ could walk off with the dollarP
Stranger, you must have got hold of
some poor leetle kid who's just begun
Detroit Free Press.
First Dear Girl-'Only to think, we
came pretty near not going to Europe
this yeari' Second Dear Girl-"How
horrid! What was the matterp" First
. Dear Girl-"Why, mamma heard that
the companies were putting down the
charges for passage $50 low that she
was afraid that it would get common
Z to cross. But then she found out that
the new rates were only for the steer
age, SO, of course, IFS all right, and
wen go as usual But really, l was
quite scared. ~
This notice was recently posted in
al ofr a 2n,.ol
horse 10 wife feet and wite fase. Blind
IL