Ellsworth American., 1884-01-03
Irish Wit.

In repartee, Irishmen have long been
distinguished. The joy Of retaliation is
a marked characteristic of the race. On
one occasion, Judge Porter, popular Irish
magistrate, in pronouncing the sentence of
the court, said to a notorious drunkard !:
"You will be confined in Jail for the longest
period the law will allow, and sincerely
hope YOU will devote some portion of the
time to cursing whiskey." by the powers
| will :" was the answer; land Porter, too"
y steamboat passenger not finding his
handkerchief readily, somewhat suspiciously
inquired of an Irishman who stood beside
him if he had seen ii, and insinuated a
charge Of theft; but aGterward finding the
said article in his hat, began 10 apologize.
"Oh, said Pat" don't be after SAYING another
single word il vas a mere mistake, and on
both sides, too. You took me for a thief,
and took you fol- jlntleman.
Il engaged" said burly lawyer, "a chaise
at GALWAY to conduct me some few miles in
to tine country, and had proceeded some
distance, when it came to a sudden standstill
at the beginning of rather steep incline
and the coactman leaping to the ground,
came to the door and opened it. what
are YOU at, man? What are YOU at, man ?
This is not where | ordered you TO stop.
Has the animal ibbed ?"'.Whist. yer honor
whist - said Paddy in an undertone. I'm
only desaving the sly bas'e Ill jist bang
the door and the crafty ould cratur vii!
think he's intirely got rid Of Yer honor's
splendid form, and he'll, be at the top Of the
hill in no time"
The following are few instances Of those
amusing blunders, proverhially termed
bulls"
On the edge of a small river in the county
Cavan, in Ireland, there iS-or used 10 be
a stone with the following inscription cut
upon il. no doubt intended for the inform
alton Of strangers travelling that way ;
~. B.-W hen thi. stone Is out Of sight. it
is not safe 70 ford the river
Bat the above is almost, ii not quite. sur
passed by the famous post erected a few
wears since by the surveyors Of the Kent
roads, in England; This is the bride PATH
to Fayersham. If YOU can't read this, you
had better keep to the main road.
In debate which took place in the Irish
House of Commons IN 1875, on the Leath-
er Tax, the Chancellor Of the Exchequer
Sir John Plunket,, observed, with great
emphasis That in the prosecution Of the
present war every man ought q giNe his
last guinea 10 protect the remainder Mr..
NanLeeur >ald "IIowcvcr that might be,
the tax on leather would be severely felt BY
the hare-f footed peaSantry NJ Ireland" 10
which Sir i. Roche replied that ''thi- could
be easily rcmcIicd By making the under
leather Of wood
The following is from the latter portion Of
an extremely atiec,ionAte poetic epi-t.c. .d-
dressed to an Irish maiden
I'm yours to command, both in wccpin' and
laughter;
I'm awake all The night that Of YOU may
dhrumc
III hang mr~cItnow. il you'd marry M afth,r
And though | may change, I'll ~ ev"r the
same.
A Dublin advertisement informs us That
an Irish doctor ha> taken home III l.ifry
street, whore the Deaf MAY hear Of bin at
aa hours hut as his blind patients zee him
every da, from ten till four, they must come
at some other time. And the following
bill was once presented bv ferrer t. a
ttade,man in the town: "For intirey cur
in5 Your black pony tina, died. immediate
payment i, requested Of one guinea"
An anecdotr Is also related Of professor.
whose pupil, making ten much noise, felt
called upon TO remind them M the fact and
said Gentlemen, ii every one ~ You
Will lo me the favor ot rem Nn.nL perfectly
silent for few inmates, NJ sha.. br better
able - distinguish WAC IN" n,lis idual is
Tint /, making thu ROW II which is quite
equnl % D Inou.cal :rpo., Which 5tean thus:
There exist a the present time a great
many inf Icn,ia! families in Dublm who have
all died of thr cholera"
Even in The making of i Will these li,tle
prcut.tlitir> present themselves Il give
AID brqu .a'h 10 my beloved wife Bridget
the whole N my property @ithout reserve;
and Oh my ci:c,r son Patrick, onc-haf of
'-t.r l-'.lnl-r md 70 Dennis, m, Youngest
,on 'ht ty,-. II anything n leit /. uns %.
together w,h 'Ar oli cart without wheels.
IL my >.a,oIr .ni atIrcturate friend Ference
Mccarthy. .u sweet Ireland.
Another illustration il afforded bv the
reply ~ ,.uu. candidate iur The office ii
tctea.r. AfaabI>lop Whaieiy wt> ead-a>or-
ing 20 r.ic., the candidates lea o- the
market valu- Of labor with reference to de-
ranI ami supply, hu, being battl-L. the
prr.afe put the question in tai, ,.mpl. form .
III there are in your village Two shoetnaAer>
with just sufficient employment to enable
them To line comfortably. nr >iy to.erahly.
and ito more what wouii tJ.uu Il j third
shoemaker -ti up II t'i, -lu- Village
"Nn,t wuul ta.IoN. ,.r n" >4l! ,Ha cau.!i
date, ,.nh,, fight w w -Urr Hi wA.a'. wa~
llkcly cnau.A. Wit i VA Wit fhr ren,y thr
reverend prcirte looked tur.