The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1884-03-08
MIR. sPO0PENDYKE As AN INVALID.
lie Finds Some Difficulty in Debating "A Let
ter TO His Friend pecklewOttIe.

" w AIS viz oBCCfAC
Brooklyn Eagle.
Now, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopendykc. when
his wife had propped him up in bed and stuffed
some extra pillows under his shoulders; now,
my dear. take your pen and ink and 1 will die
tate a letter to Specklewottlc. If you will play
amanuensi, l don see why l can't be sick Just
as well as not.
Mrs. Spoopendyke puttercd around and ar
ranged her writing materials. Shall write on
IA card or on g~iit-edge, or shall take note pa
PERI she asked.
You'd better use paper" replied Mr.. Spoop-
endyke severely, "Whcn l want to convey my
ideas on a shingle I'll carve EN- in with Il knife.
Now get ready. for I'm going to start, and don't
you interrupt me. or you will put me out
An ready, dear" murmurcd Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, dipping her pan into the ink and contem-
plating her husband anXiOusly.
Mr.. Peter b.. Specklewottle commenced Mr..
Spoopendyke.
rs his middle name b." asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. resting her album on the table. her head
on her hand. and testing her pen on the blotter.
y don't think | like his name, anyway. Peter
isn't nice"
If any other name occurs to you, put it in
observed Nh. Spoopendyke, with Il growl You
don't need to have a mans right name in a let
ter. Put in anything and hurry up. will you!
Going to keep me in suspense all day about
who this letter is going to!H
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her work and
him in. dear"
Got who in? Anybody I know? Am I die
tating a private letter to a strangerl Got some
particular friend you want this note to go to I'm
beknown to me! Who's in there! I'm going to
know who's at the top before l put my name at
the bottomN
why, Mr.. Specklewottle, of course" said she,
looking at him with wide open eyes. That's
what you said. Now go on with the rest"
Have you got the date ard dear sir in, too?'
asked Mr.. Spoopendyke. peevishly. for he was
trying to think how he should start his letter.
mo, dear, you didn't say anything about
those y TnllInl hTG Nyifn sNpr only gpiI thn
name, but I'll put the others in"
will will yer croaked Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Sticking on a great deal of credit to yourself
for your kindness to the sick, amt We? Willing
suffering husband! Well, You cant fool NE that
much. Don't put en- in; hear mel'
But I've got EN- in" pleaded Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke.
Then strike EN- out!' roared her husband.
''Spose I'm going to let you put those things III
and throw EN- up in my face from the moment /
get well to the day I die2 Scratch EN- out, l tell
ye. L don't propose to have my life made miser-
able by reminders Of your kindness when | was
fishing around in the grave with one leg. Now
what have you gutF'
-"Peter b. Specklewottle," said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. mentally satisfied there could be no mis-
take in that.
Anything to show whether he's a man or u
woman!' demanded Mr.. Sp~oopendyke. ANY
Mrs or Esq. hanging to it anywhere
Certainly replied Mrs. Spoopendyke. ct
says Nh. Peter b. Specklewottle.' That's tho
way You told me to write it, didn't you! Now go
on with the letter.
Then put; I am dying, and I wish you
Great gracious calculated Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, dropping her pen. You are not dying,
dear: you don't want the man to think that
Why notF' squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke-
''S'pose a man is going fourteen blocks out Of
his way to get the mail for a man who only has
a cold in the head9 You put it that I'm dying,
or I'll drop over into that corner and write tho
whole letter with one application of the ink
stand
Go on, dear cooed Mrs. Spoopendyke. I've
got it so; only he may think it strange that a dy-
ing man should write to him"
Then say, 1 want you to get my mail from
the Office, and tell them that | will be over in q
day or two Got that!'
Yes" giggled Mrs. Spoopenoyke. Anything
elsel7
''Whatre you laughing att howled Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, on whom the incongruities of his letter
had begun to dawn. What have you got that
measly mouth of yours stretched out like Il dod-
gasted graveyard for2 Think I'm debating Il
comic almanacl Got a notion that this letter is
some kind of a rehus! Well, it amt, and it
amt a minstrel entertainment with a funny man
at each end! Whatre you laughing at? Any
body in this country know?'
Il wasn't laughing, dear murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, with a marvelously straight face.
Il was only sylnpathizing with you"
WAS, eh}' grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke. well,
when it takes the form of a visage like you
screwed up u minute ago | want to be hung, in
stead of being sympathized with. Another time
you open your mouth like that I'm going to put
seats in it and start a church
And cogitating on this vast improvement in
his wife's anatomy, Mr.. Spoopendyke, forget
sleep.