News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-02-28
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WE FIND IN THEM TO SMILE
OVER.
An ApoIOgy-PlantatiOn PhilOsOphy-AFeW
Philadelphia ''Calls''-The Price Went
LIN. Etc. Etc.

y "~S3A SAA'NS
man for chaw of tobacco for when you
had that whole plug I gave you in your
pocket ?'
"Why, Boss, dat is muffin but a mig
gers way of dodgin' round de debil.
You see L know'd dat fellow gwine to ak
me for 'bacca and I wasn't gwine to tell
dat nigger lie about it, and so I AK
him for 'bacca to keep him from akin
me for some. Now dat's all. Boss.
Didn't you hear him say he didn't have
any, and was Just gwine to ak me for
some? Yah yah yah !! how I did
fool dat fellow. You see, Boss, cause
you glib NE dat hacker I amt gwine to
glib it away to nobody, for dat would be
Dusin your confidence. ."-IeTaS SIft-
ingS.
WHERE IGNORANCE is BLISS, ETC.
"Ain't you ashamed of yourself to
fight with boy so much smaller than
yourself? 1 really can't understand it."
said clerical looking gentleman to
big boy who was imposing an a small
one.
$50 you can't understand it ?" re-
torted the young rufian, impudently.
''No, can't"
"WeIl, then, why do you meddle
with things you don't understand ?"-
AatStin tSIfti1agS.
CARE YOU GOING TO KISS ME-"
If ever I go into new locality again,
1 will study up my geography better
than I did this time; for my ignorance
got me into a most uncomfortable posi-
ton. As the boat neared Sandford, l
was standing with others on the deck,
when a pretty young lady came up to
me, and with sweet smile on her ace,
looked into mine with pair of lovely
eyes, and asked: care you going to kiss
me, sir ?" If some one had offered to
lend me ten dollars 1 could not have
been more surprised, and hardly know
ing what to say, and in order to gain
little time, gasped out, "Pardon, Miss,
what did you ask?" L felt that she
knew heard her, but she said sweetIy,
care you going to kiss me, to-night?''
There was no misunderstanding this
time. I heard her, and so did others,
and I felt the blood rushing into my
face, and I stammered out, 81 would
like to accommodate you, Miss; I would
truly; but I have wife and thirteen
small children on board with me, and if
my wife should see me kissing you"
kissing me, you hateful old thing
who asked you to kiss me ?'' ''You did, -
| [ yelled; ''You asked me twice p' ''You
old fool, L asked you if you were going
to Kissime -Kissime City tonight; don't
you know anything ?" and off she went,
and if anybody ever felt meaner than 1
did I would like to exchange photo
graphs with him.-BeLiast Journal.
BoYLIKE.
An able-bodied father was slowly
going home to his dinner, when his
eyes fell upon his young hopeful hard at
| work shoveIing snow for his uncle, for
fun. It's curious what lots of fun it is
for boys to shovel snow for somebody
else, and yet it is such hard work to
shovel snow off the pavement at home.
"Come on home to dinner" shouted
the father, ''you know it will soon be
school time"
"Don't have to go to school," an
swered the hopeful.
''Why not, pray" said the paternal,
putting on a stern air that meant busi-
ness.
"Only one session." shouted the boy.
cts too bad weather for us children to
go out
| REASONABLE APOLOGY.
One day three or four weeks ago re-
tail grocer over in Jersey sat down with
his clerk one evening, and said:
"James, I owe New York houses over
So, ,OOO."
eyes, SIR"
eve have 50, 900 in cash in the safe,
the stock is all run down, and this would
be the time to fail in business.
cit certainly would"
''But want a reasonable apology to
give my creditors when they come down
upon us for explanations. See if you
can't think of something to night, and
let me know in the morning."
The clerk promised, and the grocer
wheeled a chest of tea and a bag O.
coffee home as beginning. Next morn
ing when he appeared at the store the
safe was open, the cash gone, and OF
| IL l. la1.lr
reading:
81 have taken the 50, 900 and am pre-
pared to skip. 1t will be the best excus
in the world for your failing SO flat tina
creditors can't realize two cents on tn
dollar. - Val Street NeUS.
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.
A little mind in er big head is ter m
e like boy ibin' alone in er big house.
f Dar's two men whut yer kahn argy wi
t bout wimmin. One whut's- fxin' ter 81
l married an one whut's been married fu
L some time.
e When sees a man dat allus wants te
b pray somehow kahn hep thinkin' df
# he's done su'thin' dat he wants de Law
J, ter wipe out.
!, Ineber seed a man yit whut I though
Il had a 'scuse fur bein' proud, fur eff b
g will only turn ter de simplest in natur'
h won't take five minits' study ter vine
1t him dat he's er fool.
n Good clothes am all right, young mai
: an allus am 'spected, but dom let 'el
l. fool yer. 1t amt de glitter dat MAKE
1t de knife cut, fur black-lookin' kni
?, sometimes has de keenest edge.
10 kanSGaU Traveller.
10 LEGAL QUESTION,
d 81 notice in the papers, said the wi
'e of well-known judge, THAT some lay
le yers are advocating that judges shou
ot be clothed in silk gowns"
IS eyes, )" he replied, Strengthening hin
l. self up. "How do you think 1 wou
I look in new silk gown?"
p 81 hardly know" said the lady. "Yc
"a might look we'll and you might not, b
III it is about time that somebody in I'll
50 family had new silk gown. "-PhiG
u VI del0hia Call.
~ WHY THEY MADE TINE.
:, ''You folks don't seem to be troublir
- us much yet" remarked the superinten
M ent of an old railroad to the superi
tendent of new rival line.