The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-08-15

WHY WE LAUGH.
Flirting on pleasure yachts is mArrytime
ustom.-Phiiddeiphid Call.

u
custom.-Phi,ddeiphia Call.
Before marriage: "Wooed and won."
After marriage: "Wood anc one."-Br-
iingfon Free Press.
Three electrical women have so far made
their appearance in Georgia. This is shock
state Of society.-Terds Sjtings.
They used to say "crazy as bedbug," but
the revised version hath 1t ''crazy as . bed
quilt. Hatckeye.
A Philadelphia youth who got acquainted
with girl who is dreadfully fond of lemon
ade, calls her his sour mssh.-Norristo,c
Herald.
When girl refers her lover to her pa, he
feels that it is harder to question the pop
than it is to pop the question.-Philadeiphi
Chronicle.
The officers ofa British man.of-war In the
harbor gallantly fired a salute as the Jersey
Lily arrived in town last week-Langtry
bangs, As 1t were.-N. Y. Dial.
In Burmah editors receive elephants In
payment for subscription. In this country
the paper itself Is about all the elephant the
editor cares to keep In stock.-St. Paul Her.
aid.
A frisky sailor was knocked senseless in
New York the other day by coming In con-
tact with some electric wires. 1t was clear
case Of a salt and battery. Pittsburg Chroni.
cle-Telegraph.
The June bng has gauzy wing,
The lightning bug has fame,
The bed.bug has no friends at all,
But he rustles all the same.
Register Call.
"See here" he said to bis clerk, 81 don't
mind letting you off day now and then to
attend your grandfather's funeral, but l
think you ought to have the courtesy to
send few of the fish around to my house"
-E1change.
"Doctor, / came to see you about my
younger brother" "What is the matter
with him ?" "One Of his legs is shorter than
the other, and he limps. Now, what would
you do In case of that kipd ?" "I reckon
I'd limp, too."-Teras SJtings.
She was looking for pieces for crazy quilt
"Couldu't you tear of few little pieces
from those silk patterns ?" 81 should be de-
lighted to do So" replied the clerk, "but, you
see, this house Is In favor of tsarof for
revenue only."-Chicago Netss.
The following order was found on the
grave digger's slate last Tuesday morning,
says the Spokane Falls Chronicle: "Wanted,
nineteen ready.made graves for Cinnamon
when work is commenced by them on the
water works. Get them ready.-Neektie
Committee"
An Englishman who has lately written q
book of travels, objects to Niagara Falls be.
cause the lady visitors show their ankles
while climbing around the rocks. We would
like to know just how much the author re-
ceived from the hotel keepers for inserting
that paragraph.-Buriington Pres Press.
An invalid from Boston came to Austin
for his health. He was confined to his bed
at first, but soon recovered sufficiently to
take tide In q hired hack. The hack dri-
yer was very polite and attentive, and when
he helped the invalid out, on their return TO
the hotel, the latter said: 81 am very much
obliged. l think l shall require your SER
vices again pretty soon." "You bet you
will. drive the hearse."-Teras Siftings.
She had just returned from Vassar, and
papa was stroking her hair fondly. ~ hope,
my DEAR" said the old man, "that you have
not acquired any of the vulgar slang phrases
which so many of the Vasssr young ladies
are said to use." "You bet l haven't, papa"
she replied, brightly; "when anybody catches
me talking slang, he is especially invited to
slug me In the seventh rib" "That is right,
my daughter; never indulge In slang. 1t
gives young lady dead away."-Philadel
ptia Ne,cs.
"Cholera - exclaimed an old Kans as farm
er; "great Cesar man, don't tell me that
this country Is threatened with that cholera
ag'in." ayes, it's got into France, and,
without proper precautions, may reach Amer
ica." ats terrible!" he groaned. "Why,
last year lost four of the finest hogs you
ever see, with the cholera" "But this is not
hog cholera; it's Asiatic cholera" "Oh,"
said the farmer, looking much relieved, ~
thought it was hog cholera"
A belle at Long Branch went down to the
beach the other day to take bath, and, after
entering bathing booth, kept her male es.
cort waiting half an hour. at was too pro-
voking for anything" she exclaimed when
she reappeared. ~ dropped my new bath.
lag suit down knot-hole and have been all
this time fishing 1t up with piece of string
and q hsirpin." "Humph," said her escort,
looking at her critically, "are you sure you
rescued all Of t?'-Norristown Herald.
A young woman in Easton who thought
| she was losing her husbands affection, went
to seventh daughter Of . seventh daughter
for q love powder. The mystery woman
told her: "Get raw piece of beef, cut fiat,
about half ali inch thick. Slice an onion in
two and rub the meat on both sides with 1t.
| Put on pepper and salt aud toast 1t on each
side over red coal fire. Drop on it three
Jumps OF butter and two sprigs Of parsley
and get him to eat him." The young wife
did so, and her husband loved her ever after
Soon after the reduction in postage went
into effect, the Kansas City. Springfield and
Memphis road was finished and put in opera
tion. 1t crosses Black River about six miles
above Powhattan. Several natives were dis
cussing railroads at that point one day, and
ono said, 81 tell you, railroads are good
things. For the last five years we have tried
to have q postoffice put here, and they dicnt
do 1t, though the mail carrier passed here
every day. The railroad came and we gol
tho postoffice. The postmaster here sell.
stamp for two cents, and that old fraud down
At Powhattan has been charging three cent?
ever since can recollect."