New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1884-07-23
WIT AND HU1fOR,

10un& man, when y0u see IN old
maid adjusting her spectacles and clip
ping out that part Of 8 paper headed
Sealed Proposals, !" It is time for you
to take to the woods.
a summer resort letter says: when
people pay from IS to s. . Day for
board, they have right to expect
something better than board nails for
ladies to hang nice clothes upon. =
A San Francisco Snowman is adver-,
Using . troupe Of educated flies. II he
will send one on here to teach others
how to walk around the edge Of . milk
pitcher without falling in, he will gain
everlasting fame.
The young men Of Massachusetts
town have hung . man in efigy for
backing out Of marriage contract
Americans hate to see any individual
attempt to do . desperate deed and
thon back out Of it.
An American poet has written some
verses entitled, IAN Angel in the
House. No doubt he thinks 50 now.
but let him wait three or four years,
and see Il he don't make . mental re-
vision Of that poem.
A gentleman who was shout to mar
~ plain girl said to his friend: ut
Is not for her exterior but her inward
beauty that / marry her. Then for
goodness sake. /" replied the friend,
s'turn her inside out.
An Oswego paper described . fire By
saying that the red flames danced In,
the heavens and flung their fiery arms
like q black funeral pail, until Sam
Jones got on the roof and doused them
out with pail Of water . 4:
A''Will you cross-examine the wit
nessr" asked the Judge Of . Vermont
lawyer, as : lady was about to leave
the stand. mo. your honor. !" was the
reply; II have been married ten years
and know better. Burlington Free;
Press.
A gentleman recently returned from
q fishing excursion was asked BY .
friend il he had been successful ooh,
yes" he answered; 81 didn't catch
many fish, but I got plenty Of bites. In
fact the mosquitoes were altogether too
numerous. Boston Post. ssS
why is it, pa, that they call them
commencement exercises when they
are really the last exercisesl'' said Z
young hopeful who had just Witnessed
the closing scenes Of = female semina-
~. Because, my son, the girls do not
commence to learn anything until after
they graduate. =
The father of five marriageable
daughters was in town few days ago
trying to buy some tour-leaf clover
seed to plant In his back yard. He
said he had read that when young
girl finds . four-leaf clover it is q sign
that she will be married within year.
Norristoscn Herald.
A man may hear mosquito buzz at
q distance Of twenty feet, and the very
next day fail to hear the whistle of the
locomotive that passes. All flesh is
grass, dearly beloved; and it is = great
pity locomotive doesn't buzz like the
mosquito, and the mosquito whistle
like the locomotive. Puck.
Patient Doctor, / want you to pre-
scribe for me- Doctor (feeling Of
her pulse) There is nothing the mat
ter, madam. All you need is rest. y
Patient Now, aren't you mistaken.
Doctor Please study my case care
fully. just look at my tongue" Doctor
THAT needs rest. too. Life.
Johnny and Tommy were playing in
the back yard. when Johnny's mother
shouted to him from the kitchen to
como into the house. whats thatr''
asked Tommy. ..It's my mother hol-
lering in the kitchen. . replied Johnnie.
1t makes me think of q dudes head, y
said Tommy. ..Howp" asked johnnie.
Because Its holler within, !" answered
Tommy.
.'That lady is handsome. but she
looks 40 II she had temper Of her
own" remarked one drummer to an
other on the train the other day. ..You
bet! You read characters correctly !"
was the reply. why. you speak as II
you were acquainted with her!' We'll
/ am. slightly. I married her some ten
years ago and have been studying her
ever since. =
my dear, look down below" said .
grandoeso as no stood on Waterloo
Bridge with his wife. and gazing atsa
tug hauling long line Of barges.
Such is lne-the tug is like man,
working and toiling. while the barges,
like women. are = Il know, inter
rupted Mrs. G., acridly; ..the tug does
all the blowing, and the barges bear
al the burden y
"A young lady from New York, who
is visiting friends in Wethersfield, saw
q yoke OF oxen going by the house, and
said: .tOh, how I would like good
fresh drink Of milk from those coWs!''
She is MORALLY afraid Of cows. and
coming on one suddenly one day she
was too frightened to run; SO poking
her paraso1 ut the beast, she suffered
out, Lie down, sir; lie down. Bostos
Post.
Remember the poor says an ex-
change. I'VE will, = adds the Bur-.
lington Ha,ckeye. I'VE do. We can't
forget him. He charged as 81 . cord
for saving wood, and cut every last
stick Of it four inches too long for any
stove in the house. We remember him.
And he remember US II we can ever
find him and hire man to hold him
while we starve him to death. Yonk-
trs Statesman. {,
The fact that q Connecticut woman
went into . carpet store the other day
and. after making her purchases, went
away and forgot her bsby for an hour
or more, is held by local contempora-
ry to answer the Biblical writer's ques-
ton: s.Can q woman forget her child Pr.