The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-08-21
HUMOR.

n
Boston Post.
The observed of all observers-the
baseball umpire.
SIGNS of spring-"Keep off the
grass. "-Philadelphia Call.
In search of the spring lamb-the
stock brokers. Boston Courier.
A wELL-PAID barber-the man who
shaves notes.-New York Graphic.
The highly appropriate name of
Brooklyn beer-saloon keeper is Mugge
A CINCINNATI physician being inter
viewed says that nearly all physicians
are poor men. Perhaps SO. Some OF
them are awfully poor doctors.
eue.
WHY isn't a reception at the White
House like game of euchre? Because,
although there is good deal of assist
ing, there's no going it alone
Hatchet.
THREE MILLION bushels is the esti-
mate on the present peanut crop in the
South. This is sure guarantee of q
good and profitable circus season. You
can't have first-class circus without
peanuts.-Pech's Sum.
SCAN you paint me 81 IN at once?'
Eyes, what kind of sign do you want?"
"A sign of rain" A cloud lowered on
the painters brow, and, fearing an i'm
mediate storm, the humorist left
Philadelphia Call.
A BOY found woman's switch in the
opera house and returned it to her.
THANK you my little man." said the
lady; "you are an honest boy" NOhl
no, I'm not so very honest; but know
what am" What are you, then?"
a hair restorer."
"OH, yes," said Mrs. Parvenu, talk
ing about music at Mrs. Suddenriches'
reception, II just dote on them sympa-
thy concerts, and my husband insists
on our prescribing for the whole series.
Amt them Beethoven rhapsodies real
elegant ?"-BaltimOr Day.
NOT long ago an advocate of female
suffrage was asked SLOW would you
like to have your wife running for Office
against you?" and the reply was:
Nothing would suit me better. The
family couldn't ask softer thing than
that. Salt Lake Tribune.
A BRowBEATIN Gcounsel asked wit
ness how far he ha3 been from a cer-
tain place. "Just four yards, two feet,
and six inches," was the reply. How
came you to be so exact, my friend?"
Because l expected some fool or other
would ask me; and so l measured it,"
No, MY son, prize fighters never go
to war. They know that a cannon ball,
bent on knocking a man out in one
round, doesn't stop and go back to it's
own corner merely because man lies
down. You never. heard of a prize
fighter fighting anywhere unless there
is lots of gate money behind the fight.
burlington HaUkeue.
If man could only realize what was
true happiness. 1t is so simple, yet so
few obtain it. The philosopher says:
Happy is the man who eats only for
hunger, drinks only for thirst; who
stands on his legs, and lives according
to reason and not according to fashion;
who provides for whatever is necessary
and useful, and expends nothing for os-
tentation or pomp. "-Peck's SIM.
THE standard sign OF gentility in a
married woman is, that her husband
does not evince unmistakable evidences
of pronounced badness before they
have been married twelve months. A
man may gradually grow bald-headed
in the second year of marriage, and So
ciety will not certainly say that his wife
pulled all his hair out by the roots
Chicago Sun.
EPITAPHs.
| How sleep the brave who sink to rest
BY all their countrys wishes best?
| They sleep not in their regimentals,
| Such things being here not deemed essentials.
HERE lies one Box within another;
The one OF wood
Was very good:
We can not say so much Tor tother.
JOHN MACPHERSON
Was remarkable person;
| He stood six feet two
Without his shoe,
And he was slew
At Waterloo.
Here lies the body OF Mary Sexton,
| Who pleased many man, but never vexed one:
| Not like the woman that lies under the next
stone"
HERE lies John Hill, man of skill,
His age was five times ten.
he neer did good, nor ever would.
Had he lived as long again"
HERE lies DR.. Trollope,
Who made tn 81 s.ones roll up;
He took dose OF jaap,
And God took his soul up
poor Martha Smell. she's gone away,
| She would IL she could. but she could not stay:
| She'd two bad legs and n baddish cough,
| But her legs 1t was that carried her off,"
HERE lies l.
Killed by sky