The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-11-06
WIT AND HUMOR.
Shylock-I will have my bond. >
Portia Not IF IT, WoboCb p,tc


firm?" asked youngster of his faith
er. The silent partner is the one who,
when called upon for money, makes a
great deal of noise about putting it
up"
Its cold day when | get left. y
observes the ice-cream man softly to
himself as he pours out another pan of
skim milk and drops an extra lump of
| oleomargarine into the freezer.-LO,C-
ell Cjtizen.
Horribly dry work, speechifying in
this weather" said a great orator last
week TO humble but gushing admirer.
DRY returned the satellite, wishing
to overflow with wit. 1T oughtn't to
be dry, for I've been drinking in every
word YOU uttered "Ah, indeed!H
you'v been making draught of my
speech. '-Puach.
The boys tell good joke on Billy
Carter. While at the Moberly Fair he
was trotting Joe Stanhope in a race
and lost the first heat. Frank James
came to him and said: Garter, I
have bet $500 on your horse He can
win this race. Do YOU hear? He can
win this race" He won the next three
heats and the race.-HeJico mo.
Ledger
My husband is very little help to
me about the house. remarked Mrs.
Smith to her friend. He never does
any Of the marketing He always for
gets to bring anything home with hin.
How different he is from my hus-
band" responded her friend sadly
I'm what way?' .'Mr. Jones comes
home loaded every night. "-Nes0 York
Graphic.
Why" he pleaded. ''our very cir
cumstances bind us together; our SINH
lar tastes, our friendship, long acquaint-
ance-' Yes" she replied, '.even
age could bind Us together What
age, dearest?" he asked. '.Mucilage,"
answered she. gloomily. a minute
later, as he paste up and down the
room alone, he realized that his failure
was gumplete.-Lye.
1t is stated that just before Hindoo
woman dies a COW is brought in that
she may take hold of its tail as her life
passes away. Anybody who has been
yanked over a two-acrc lot of newly
plowed ground, deathlessly gripping
the tail of an impulsive COW, can I'M
derstand how the heather rite is sup
posed to typify the longing of person
to die.-R0cbLuRd Courier
Did YOU read those horrible stories
of the Arctic sufferers living off each
other?' asked Mrs. Lumpley of her
husband. Yes, | read all the particu-
| In,,. - ..n,,n,lf,,l i-,,'t o. .,nl -
nothing when you once get used to
having people live off of you. l used
to kick when your mother and your
sister, and all the rest OF them came to
live off of me, bat I've got so used to it
now that | never complain. "-Teras
| SUtings.
a young gentleman from Higbee,
while calling on his girl here, asked
| for her hand and heart. and was ac-
cepted. He told her that he had some
thing on his mind for a long time, but
was afraid she would get mad. She
| wanted to know what it was then, and
| he made her promise not to get mad.
| Says he: Il have two brothers in the
penitentiary. That is nothing"' re-
piled she. Il have two brothers in the
Arkansas Legislature. = B00nUHLe
| NO. Topic.
do you know, George, | wish YOU
would stay at home tomorrow"
WHY, dariing?' '.Oh, because this
afternoon tcrrible-looking tramp
came here while YOU were away and
| ordered me to give him something to
eat, so had TO give him all that sponge
cake | made last Saturday and. George,
he says he's coming back tomorrow"
Several days ago Mr.. Saunders. the
| proprietor Of the Woodland Democrat,
| had occasion TO transmit a message to
Oakland, California. and the following
was formulated and started over the
| wire in good shape: Cannot come
down till Thursday foreman drunk. :"
| As appointed, he went down on Thurs
| day, and was not little chagrined to
learn that his telegram had been the
source of much puzzling and specula-
ton among his friends, to whom it read
as follows: Cannot come down till
Thursday forcnoon-drunk.' " Virginia
(NeU.J Enterprise.
A kiss is a paroXySmal contact be-
tween the labial appendices attached
| to the superior and inferior maXillar-
les respectively of man and woman
or two women. The younger the parties
are the more raroXysmal will be the
| par0XySm, and in case it be observed
by the fond father OF the paroxyzed
young lady, there is also likely to be a
perigee between the paroXyzer's pedal
ic junction and the phalangeal eXtre4n-
tiles of the metatarsus. tarsus, and
| h,.I, ln,,n,li,.r IL
old gentleman's right leg. The kiss
itself IS not the paroxysm. 1t is merely
the vibrations of the superincumbent
| atmosphere resultant from the expul-
sion of the sweetness from each of
the pairs Of lips engaged in creating it.
Fifteen years ago poor boy went
from Brooklyn and journeyed to the
vast. illimitable. changing West. Alone,
penniless and friendless. he struggled
with adverse fortune. Nights of anx-
iety followed DAYS of care and toll, vet
still he hoped and wrought; honestly,
| honorably, patiently. he earned and
ate the bread of manly labor. Fifteen
years of struggle and toll, and last
week the local papers of Rock Rapids
shouted to the world the glad news
that he had caught a black bass weigh
ing five pounds and three ounces.
Young man, industry. honest industry
and perseverance are the winning cards
in the struggle for existence, and yir-
tue is its own reward. 1t is well that
this is SO. rs that is frequently the only
reward she gets.-B05 Burdette-
The Waterbury -Anaertcan relates the
following as having recently occurred
on Il Connecticut railroad: "A woman.
well dressed and intelligent, boarded a
train with three children, whom she
placed ca the seat in front of her.
| They We're neatly dressed in holiday
attire and We're evidently bent on a day
of fun at the picnic grounds. She paid
her fare to the conductor and turned
her attention out of hewindow when he
looked inquiringly at the children.
When he asked about them she turned
and said indiiferently: 1 don't know:
they are not mine The little ones
We're uneasy, and one of them, a pretty
: Ett 10 Cirl had a look pf OrIinf an5 S,1r