The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1884-04-25
TAKING "A PILL.
The Various Methods Which Ara
Recommended by the Family
Medical Board.
lMiddletown Transcript. I

When pill comes within the charmed
circle of persons teeth the throat kicks.
1t puts up the shutter and closes the door.
1t apparently desires to go out of bust
ness. This same throat may take in
chunks of Unbelievable beefsteak as big
as hickory nuts, and other stores for the
interior department by the side of which a
pill of the largest growth would seem an in
significant affair, but it draws the line at
pills. 1t shuts up shop and says to you just
as plainly as can he, "You don't send any
pills past me if l know it." This action of
the human throat in the matter Of pills is
very curious and mystifying to the ordinary
mind, and we wonder that Matthew Arnold
and other great thinkers have not given it
more attention and sought to make clearer
for the rest of us the reason why the human
throat is thus apparently so unreasonable.
You get about eleven or thirteen of these
pills. big smooth fellows rolling about in
some sort of a yellow powder, and you go
home and take one of them according to the
rules and regulations on the box. The whole
family come into the room to see the per-
formance, of course They have taken
pills in their time and they know there
is fun in pill performance when
they ar&spectators only. You probably say
that you are not going to have any foolish
ness with that pill; you are just going to
swallow it right down and be done with it.
Then you take pill out of the box, open
your mouth, hold your head back, drop in
the pill and make seven or eight desperate
swallows. The pill comes up smiling and
with its yellow overcoat and a good deal of
its high flavor worn off on your tongue, and
you look little disappointed.
Some one who has had wider experience
than the others with pills will tell you to try
a swallow of water with it. All right You're
willing to take advice in this your hour of
need. You drop the pill into your mouth
again and hastily drink half a glass of water.
Where is the pill now? Oh, it is snug enough
down by the side of your tongue. 1t didn't
go down with the freshet 1t is not travelling
by water this season. "Try some grated ap-
pie" suggests the person with the advice on
tap. All right, bring the grated apple. You
are willing by this time to try anything that
promises to deceive your throat to letting
that pill through. 1t is covered nicely in
the very center of spoonful of grated apple,
and with a weak sort of smile you throw
your head back, put the contents of the spoon
on your tongue, and swallow-all the grated
apple The pill fingers for an instant about
the palate, as if it had forgotten the pass
word, and then comes slowly up to the teeth
leaving great deal of its individuality all
along Its track.
Now bread is suggested for a disguise for
the pill. That is a good idea. Why didn't
some one think of that before. You chew
I'D whole mouthful of bread, put the pill
in the middle of it and make the greatest eff
fort of your life in the way of single
! swallow. But the result is not satisfactory.
The bread goes right along according
to schedule, but the pill is side
| tracked and held for further orders. By
this time good part, to your taste or, bad
part of the pill is worn away, and you feel
that you would know the rest of it by taste
| at any future time in your life. Further,
| there is the marks of bitterness and woe and
hatred of the inventor of the pill stamped
| plainly upon your countenance, and 'maybap
| your feelings are such that you cannot with
seemliness express them in the bosom of your
| sympathizing family.
| At last, just as you are about to give up in
despair, some one suggests that the pill be
mashed up and clothed in jelly. That is the
best idea yet. Why wasn't it thought of
sooner? The pill is mashed and .rothed in
| jelly and in a moment it has passed the
| guarded precincts of your interior depart
ment. 1t has gone at last not in its original
| form, but, as broken package, and when
you realize that the performance is over, your
face lights up like that of the impecunious
man who, in the dead of winter, and at the
driest hour of mighty dry day, finds
10-cent bit in the pocket of a long discarded
vest. To many of us there is not much fun
in taking pill.