National Republican., 1884-06-28
FUN AND FooLIsHNEss.


A Cleveland baby is over q month old
and weighs but % pounds.
A New York paper says the Coney
Island boom runs all the other booms en-
tirely out of sight on Saturdays now.
"What are you taking for your cold,
Fleishman {" asked his friend Longjaw.
"Atwice," replied Fleishman, sadly
Longhjaw didn't give him any.
A little boy having broken his rocking
horse the day it was bought, his mother
rebuked him. He silenced her by in
quiring, whats the good of horse till
it's brokeP
A Philadelphia policeman broke his
club beating prisoner over the head,
and when complained of had his victim
arrested for destroying public property
the club. The destroyer was sent to jail.
A western paper says that ex-Congress-
man Alexander Mitchell, of Milwaukee,
is worth from S25,000,000 to $50,O00,00
weighs 200 pounds, aud 10 good man. Ii
ought not to be hard to be good on such a
pile as that.
Edward Prentiss, of Bangor, Me-, q day
laborer, is in Jail for being in possession
Of four living wives. His explanation of
the matter is that wife No. went off and
married another man, and he married
the others Just for fun"
A wealthy Georgia man living in a
country town has bought out the only
saloon in tho place and runs 1t himself.
His motive was economy, for his son
spent all his earnings there. Now the
old man keeps the money in the family.
A Cincinnati man, while wealthy, FIVE
years ago, lost his wife and put up thou
sand dollar marble monument on her
grave. Afterward he married young
woman, who broke him and then Gle ared
out, and the other day the old man solo
back the memory of grief to the man VIII @
made it for five hundred dollars.
She wouldn't give him definite answer
for a long time, so that he almost des-
paired, until one hot evening he played
1t fno by suggesting that they had better
begin OH chocolate cream, and then they
could top off with Roman punch after
they had finished their lemon and vanilla.
She accepted him on the way home.
The Shah of Persia smokes a pipe
worth 100000. The Boston Globe has an
office boy who owns little stubby black
L. D., of very high rank, and from the
row he makes when he comes in and finds
that the society editor has stolen it out o.
his drawer, one would imagine that he
wouldn't swop it for two like that Of the
| Persian Shahs.
A Philadelphia man went home tigh
and his wife filled up his eyes, nose, and
mouth with handful Of red pepper. He
| then hammered out two of her from
teeth with an ironing board and brok,
| two fingers with table leg. Both wen
| to Jail, and the local papers describe the
occurrences under the head of Exchange
Of family courtesies."
A passenger on the Cunard steamer
Servia last year was given large dose o
sulphide of zinc by tho ships steward, il
mistake for O bottle of mineral water
| Strange to say, death did not take place
although the victim is prematurely aged
and Is reduced in weighs from 165, II
eighty-five pounds, and now intends t.
sue for largo amount of damages.
"What are you going to do on tn
Fourth 2" jolly Roman Candle asked
Bunch of Fire Crackers. "Why," said th
Bunch, "Pm thinking Of starting
runaway and breaking neck or two
What will you dor" Me2 Oh, Tm goinI
into the clothing business, as usual
mostly boys suits, you know" replied
the jolly Candle ChonicIe- Telegraph.
In Spain, under the compulsory educa
tion law, 1,633,2S5 children go to school
But as they don't learn anything excep
Spanish, we don't see what good il doe
them. They know that, anyhow.-HaWk
eye. AS the western senator said, thu
thing that surprised him most in Paris wa
that evon all the children spoke French
He couldn't understand how they caugh
on to the lingo.
A discharged telegraph messenger boy
went into business for himself recently
in Now York, by obtaining Western Uniol
blanks, which he used in manufacturing
startling kilograms to various individual
and collecting from 75 cents to 81 70
each. lie was already provided With hi
uniform, and selected guests at hotels Al
his source of income. He Is now study
ing out some new scheme in tho Tombs.
"There is this difference between us,
said the seody tramp, looking tho edito
full in the eye. "You fill long felt wan
and / want u long felt FILL" The edito
wept, and with muiiled blow hewed OF
fragment Of a wedding cake that ha,
been sent in with the notice, and hande
| III 10 inc Whnuorer FIJI up on LnhLt II
said, "and you will feel it long after al
trivial fond records have been wipet
away from tho subtraction table of you
memory."-BTdeite,
A fat mans nine played ball gam
last week in Ypsianti with lean nine
None of the skinnies weighed over 10
pounds while the beef-eaters all scalo
over 200. Bets ran high on tho lean club
but the fattios put up job. and won by
big score. When the fat men went to tn
bat the bs'l was hit way over in the field
when a bad boy, who had been hired t
perform the villainy, grabbed it aud Ii
out, chased all over town by the thi
men. While the chase was going on al
of the fat men started in, and kept run
ming bases, and made the umpire ALLOW
over 300 runs by threatening him with
club. The thin men disputed the score
but the fatties downed the umpire an
made him stick to it, and then drank u
all the beer tnat was bet on tho, game.
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