davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29

cigar case, piece of wax candle, and a
box of matches. Having placed these
handy, he unfastened his cuffs, drew
them off and laid them in the basket.
Then he removed his necktie and cellar,
and deposited them by the side of his
cuffs. Then he unfastened he capacious
vest and allowed the breeze to fan his
prodigious chest.
He was now ready for business. He
lighted match and ignited piece of
wax candle, which he laid in secure
spot. Next he drew from his cigar case
three, four or five cigars, as the fancy
took him. Producing a rubber band
from his vest pocket, he cunningly twist
ed it around the cigars so as to unite
them all abreast. Then he put the small
ends in his mouth and applied the wax
candle to the other end ofthe cigars un-
til all were lighted. Leaning back he
enjoyed life, sending clouds of smoke
into the air.
He has made great variety of answers
to persons who have questioned him as
to his passion for smoking. To one he
said: :'My doctor tells me to smoke"
To another: 81 smoke because like it."
To another: 81 smoke because my wife
says ! mustn't" To another: ats
none of your rbusiness"-wih h a word be-
fore "business" which the Eagle never
tolerates in print. Those who know
him say he is a very jolly man and a
skillful business manager. He is nearly
so years of age. Brooklyn Eagle.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
A CHILD-WIFE's TROUBLE.
Married aud Divorced from "a Minister
When Only Fifteen Years Old.

A sensational divorce was granted at
Lumpkin, Ga, to the Rev.. w. P. Falk-
er, who was ten years ago the most not
ed Baptist revivalist in the South. 1t
was developed that he had deserted a
wife in Louisville, where he had worked
at the printing business. Church people,
however, stood firm by him and he con-
tinued hislabors. Without going through
the formality of getting a divorce from
his wife, he married Miss Jessie Tar
borough, of Greensboro, n. c., a maiden
of fifteen.
Other denominations were scandalized
by the act, but the Baptists still held
Falkef up. He was called TO pastorate.
Soon tales of intemperance and abuse of
his wife began to be circulated, and the
sensation eliminated by the filing of a
suit by the child-wife she eeking di-
voice on the grounds of drunkenness,
etc. Falker disappeared between two
suns, and is now preaching in Texas M
der an assumed name. The Baptists of
Georgia have publicly cut him off from
their connection. Mrs. Falker is allow
ed TO resume her maiden name and priv
ilege o. marrying, but it is decreed that
Falker must remain grass-widower.
Morning Journal.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
COULDN'T WARRANT HER.
Artful scheme of "a Kind and Obliging
NeighbOr.


There was twinkle in his eyes as he
entered livery stable the other morn
ing and proceeded TO look over the horses.
When he nad made the rounds the pro-
prietor asked:
Looking for horse?"
"Say, I've one of nv own, but a neigh
Dor is continually botherine me to loan
him the rig for dive. Have you an
animal which you will warrant to run
away?"
"You bet That old roam there will
make break before he is driven two
blocks"
"Then l want to borrow him this af-
ternoon. I'll give that neighbor all the
buggy y-riding he wants for a year to
come"
The horse was sent to his barn at the
hour agreed upon, and hitched up for
the neighbor and his wife. Lucky for
the wife the horse ran away before she
got in, and she was thus saved from a
big scare if not case of broken bones.
When the animal was returned to the
stable the proprietor inquired:
"Well, l warranted him to run away or
no pay"
"Yes, he ran away"
"And your game succeeded"
"Y-e-s, l suppose so. That is, I've got
to sit up nights for the next two weeks
with man with a broken leg, and |
suppose my buggy was damaged about
500 worth" Detroit Free Press.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
Another Druggist's Blunder.

DIR. Blank-"Well, this beats all. Here
l see another man has been killed by a
drug clerks mistake. Why in the
world don't the courts make an example
of some of them?"
DIR. Plank-"It certainly seems as if
the number of such mistakes was increas-
ing. had one in my own practice this
very week. 1t was in particularly del
;cate case, and made out the prescrip.
ton with unusual care, yet have Just
discovered that in the bottle of medicine
furnished there was not a single ingre-
dent that ordered"
"Great st. Galen! The fellow ought
to be hung. You had him arrested, Of
course?"
mo, 1 did not i'll o make fuss about
it."
Make a fuss The bigger the fuss
the better. / tell you an example must
be made. Why don't you arrest thai
drug clerk, drag him before a court Of
La v and show the jury that medicine?"
81 don't think it would be best"
"And why not, pray?"
"Well, the fact is it cured the patient.
Philadelphia Cali,
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
COMMUNAL CIRCUS.

Lord Dufferln appoints no married
men on his staff in India. His Lordship
evidently has no confidence in a man
who stays out late at night. Louisville
Courier-Journal.
Adam Forepaugh, the circus man, was
married recently. He had a reputation
as liOn-tamer, but he can't come the
dodge of subduing woman by gazing
steadily iuto her eyes. Peck's Sun.
Old Baker has screwed big barn-door
hinges on his front gate. He says he'd
like to see his wife and her next-doOr
neighbor now talk his gate "off them
hinges, like they done it ew days ago"
Kentucky State Journal.
A barber says that when lady's hair
begins to come out, as after fever, ii is
much better to SINCE it off than to cut it.
That is all very well, but what is to be
done when mans hair begins to come
out after he gets married. Philadelphia
Call.
An ingenious woman has devised a
plan for getting satisfaction even from
her spouse's sonorous snores. When he
gets well under way she ties mouth
harmonicon under his nose, and she de-
clares the music is lovely. Boston
Globe.
Il see you were at the theatre last
night, Mrs. Brewer"
Eyes, Mrs. Brown, was; and Pun glad
| went"
"You liked it, then?'
"Yes, inGeed. The quarrelling scene
between the husband and wife was really
grand, and learned some new stylish
points and the next time John and
have quarrel if don't make him feel
small don't know anything" Ken
lucky State Journal.
"James, you wretch How did that
hair get on your coat? It's a red one,
too! Tell me nowp
"Soothe yourself, my love, soothe your
self. l suppose it got on in the street.
car-cIught on as 1 leaned back, you
know"
But how did it get on the breast of
your coat? Oh, dear! 1t couldn't get on
in front from the back OF the seat"
"Pshaw! That comes from not having
any scientific information. Don't you
know that hairs move automatically on
any fuzzy surface? Capillary attraction,
my dear, capillary attraction" st. Paul
Day.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
CHAFF FOR THE CHARMERs.

There is girl in this city so cross-eyed
that she has to wear spectacles on heI
ears when sac wants TO read. Philadel-
phia Chronicle.
"There is one thing" said Jones, "that
shows the glory of the country. Every
father has ii in his power to make his
daughter lady," "How is that" asked
Brown. "He can make her saleslady," ;"
was the reply. SOmervilIe Journal.
Thoughtful girls now use the patent
safety pins to fasten their belts, except
of course when the evening is so stormy
that no callers are expected. Then they
use ordinary pins and indulge in onions.
Philadelphia Call.
A Chicago woman was struck by light
ming while at the washtub last Tuesday.
Her four daughters, who were in the
parlor at the piano practiciug the latest
song, were uninjured. We will build a
moral to this some day when we gel
time. st. Paul Herald.
Girls be careful. Instances have been
known where engaged couples have gone
out yachting and returned mortally des-
pising each other. Nothing strikes the
scales from the eyes of love quicker and
reveals that their affinities are nothing
but ordinary mortals than to catch them
seasick. Boston Budget.
The Summer fashions relieve the girl
of the period of certain indescribable
air of "Slap your face for two cents" We
are glad of it, for there are times when
we might feel very like having our face
slapped by. pretty girl, and at the same
time b. painfully reminded of a lack of
the necessary two cents. Chicago Sun.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
HIGH PRICED HUMANITY.

She was ready for bed and lay on my arm,
In her little frilled cap so fine,
With her golden hair falling out at the edge,
Like circle of noon sunshine.
And hummet the old tune of "Banberry
Cross"
And Three men who put out to sea-
When she sleepily said, as she closed her blue
eyes,
Papa, fot would you take for me?'
And answered. "A dollar, dear little heart"
And she slept baby weary with play,
But held her warm in my love-strOng arms,
And rocked her and rocked away.
., the dollar meant all the world to me,
The land and the sea and sky,
The lowest depth of the lowest place,
The highest of all that's high.
The cities with streets and palaces,
Their pictures and stores of art,
would not take for one low soft throb
Ofmy little ones loving heart.
Nor all the gold that was ever found
In the busy wealth-finding past,
Would take for one smile of my darling s
face,
Did know it must be the last.
So / rocked my baby and rocked away,
And felt such sweet content,
For the words of the song expressed to me
more
Than they ever before had meant,
And the night crept on and slept and dream
OF things far too glad to be,
And wakened with lips saying close to my
ear,
Papa, fot would you take for meY"
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
Immoralities Of the Gay Capital.

Seriously supposed there was at least
a thin veneering of responsibility in
Paris. had fancied that the stories of
a Partisan fast life had been put forth
perhaps a little exaggerated by those
who voluntarily yielded to the magnet
ism of fast living and hunted out those
things which are to be uncovered in any
city. You know we usually find what
we look for in this world. But no; the
truth has been understated. A sensitive
person almost feels guilty when he has
looked into the shop windows, gazed at
the questionable pictures and conned
the audacious titles of the books. No
where is this low ebb of morality more
patent than in the shop windows along
the magnificent Rue lie Rivoli, facing
the Tuileries-the English quarters,
where one sees English signs almost ex-
clusively. Although the stores are kept
by Frenchmen, French inscriptions are
in the minority. L am sure there are a
good many American husbands who
would insist that their wives forfeit a
vision of all the glorious fabrics and Pa
risian souvenirs there exposed for sale
rather that permit them to gaze and
read indiscriminately. Paris Letter.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
FEMININE FACT AND FANCY.

Ten scholarships at Newham college
were lately awarded to ladies who had
passed with credit the Cambridge higher
local examination.
A daughter of w. w. Story, The sculp-
tor, who is married to an Italian named
Peruzzi, has translated the autobiogra-
ply of the sculptor Giovanni Dupre.
Miss Brace. who was teacher at Vas
sar college previous to going to Paris to
study the histrionic art, has been lectur-
ing before the Lyceum School for Actors.
Boston has $4,000 female music schol-
ars. This partially accounts for the fact
that there are $1,000 more women than
men in Boston. New York Graphic.
Reports from Paris say that at the
opening of the Italian opera season in
that city the Americans unquestionably
outstripped their sisters of the old world
in good looks and gorgeous array.
The musical success of the Covent
Garden promenade concerts in London
has been won by an acknowledging
Ita ian girl, aged about sixteen years,
who played Saint Saen's difficult G
minor concerto.
Mrs. Bryant, the first lady who has
taken the degree of mental and moral
science at Condor university, has Just
received as gift from her friends and
pupils her doctors gown and cap. Thus
attired, she might act as realistic illus
tration for "The Princess" But she is
something more admirable than that
she is a wise and gentle woman.
The American wife of Lord Randolph
Churchill takes great pride in him, and
watches over him with great solicitude
IL have seen her." says Sir Richard
Temple, who is visiting in Philadelphia,
standing behind him when speaking in
public places, and noticed how tenderly
she wraps his throat and performs other
little acts Of wifely devotion. She is a
truly lovely woman"
Queen Margherita of Italy is making
an effort to revive the making of Vene-
tian point lace. She has established a
school, from which the graduates go out
to teach others the mysteries of the craft
Already there are four thousand pupils
all at work, and tbirty-fo varieties Of
point are turned cut Only by the color
it is said, may the new product, be dis
tingu;shed from the antique lace.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
SUGAR FOR swEETHEARTs.

A Good many marriages come out of
a tennis court. Boston Budget.
Long engagements are popular now
only with actors. Boston Bulletin.
Darling" he said, "what shall l call
you for short ?" Call me ct cetera."
Usually, fellow waits oD girl before
marriage, and she waits on him ever af-
terward. So, you see, there is sort of
compensation balance which makes
things even in the long run. Chicago
Sun.
First young man: "You would be
well heeled. my boy, if you could mar
ry her. Her father is rich" Second
young man: mot much. l give it up.
I've been too well toed by her father al
ready" Burlington Free Press.
A young lady wishes to be apprised
with reference to subtle remedy for "a
ticklish feeling about the face and
mouth" We guess that vigorous brush
ing with a heavy mustache would effect
ually do the business. Chicago Sun.
"Well," said George, II must go" and
then he said goodnight with the Emma
Abbott attachment thereunto appertain-
ing. "if you must, you mussed," replied
Linda. Look at my hair and ruffle' y
And he ruff1ed. Burlington Hawkeye.
In the worlds broad field of battle,
If you're looking for a wife,
Don't be singy, for surely that'll
Blast your fairest hopes for life.
Chicago Sun.
Eulalia (sentimentally)-Oh, no!
have no desire for great wealth.
should be happy, very happy, as the
wife Of noble bread-winner.
George (practically)-And should be
happy, very happy as the husband of a
good bread-maker.
She concluded to learn. Philadelphia
Call.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
WATER ONCE A DAY.
How the Bedouins Traverse the Arid
Wastes of Sahara.

In the "Waterless Laud" water is the
paramount question. If it be asked how
a large body of Bedouins, like the 10,-
600 who nearly destroyed the British
square at Tamai, manage to subsist, the
reason is plain. In the first place, they
do not need the enormous trains re-
quired for European army. They are
the most abstemious of men. Each man
carries skin of water and small bag
of grain, procured by purchase or barter
from caravans. Their camels and goats
move with them, supplying them with
milk and meat, and subsisting upon the
scaDt herbage and the foliage of the
thorny mimosa, growing in secluded
wadles. These people could live upon
the increase of their flocks alone, which
they exchange readily for other commo-
dities; but, being the exclusive carriers
and guides for all the travel and COM
merce that cross their deserts, they real
ize yearly large amounts of money.
AS to water, they know every nook
and hollow in the mountains, away from
the trails, where few barrels of water
collect in some shaded ravine, and they
can scatter, every man for himself, to
fill their water-skins. On nay first ex-
pedition, near the close of the three
years drought, reached some wells on
which | was depending and found them
entirely dry. 1t was several days to the
next wells. But my Bedouin guides
knew some natural reservoirs in the hills
about six miles of. So they took the
water-camelsa at nightfall aud came back
before daylight with thewater-skins filled.
An invading army would find ittoo hard
to obtain guides, and even ifthey did, they
must keep together and could not leave
the line of march to look for water. Be-
sides, the Bedouins, accustomed from
infancy to regard water as most precious
and rare, use it with wonderful economy
Neither men nor animals drink more
than once in forty-eight hours. As to
washing, they never indulge in such
wasteful nonsense. When Bedouins
came to my camp water was always of,
fered them. Their answer weuld fire.
quently be: "No, thanks f; l drank yes
terday." They know too well The i'm
portance of keeping up the habit oi
abstemiousness. No wonder they can
subsist where invaders would quickly
perish. Gen. r. E. Colston in September
Century.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
CLAlRvOYANCE A FRAUD.
How Intelligent People are systematically
Humbugged.

| am overwhelmed with indignant
protests of spiritualists, clairvoyants,
table-turners and ghcst.seers, who are
unable to understand how l can refuse
to be convinced of the existence Of phe-
nomena which, according to them, occur
every day. When clairvoyance was the
rage, Dublin physician-Sir Philip
Champion, if l remember rightly Yin
closed bank-note in an envelope, plac-
ed the envelop at the Bank of Ireland
and offered it to any clairvoyant who
would tell him the number. No clair
voyant could. When table-turning was
the rage, Faraday invited any table,
turner to come to the Royal Institute
and to turn table there which was so
arranged that physical pressure would
count for nothing. No table turner
came. AS for spiritualists, their tricks
have been again and again exposed.
Slade had spirit who wrote on a
slate under the table. The tIickery was
proved in police court; yet now we are
told that We ought to believe in spiritual
slate-writing because the late Duke of
Albany believed in it and owned slate
on which spirits were in tfe habit of
writing We are asked to accept as gos-
pei truth that in India an adept ofBudd-
hist spiritualism often writes letter and
puts il in room. The adept to which
it is addressed comes in the spirit from
Thibet, or some such distant spot, and
indites reply. There are, | believe, a
considerable number of persons in Eng
land who absolutely believe in this letter
writing trash. Onlv the other day a
ghost story was published, for the de-
tails of which il was said that Sir E.
Hornby vouched. He had himself seen
the ghost. 1t appeared to him in China,
and he at once informed his wife of the
fact. According to recent information,
however, from China it would seem that
the ghost had forgotten to die when he
appeared, for he was still alive, and that
Sir +. Hornby was not married when he
contided the details OF the ghestly mar
rative to his Nife. am utterly disgust
ed with the credulity of persons other
wise sensible. They seem unable to
understand by what sort of evidence a
departure from the kno Tn laws of nature
ought to be believed.
Take, ioI instance, the trick of fin ling
pin, the whereabouts of which is
known to the subject" The trick is
generally performed In roomful of peo-
pie, who all know where the pin is con-
cealed. Collusion, therefore, is possible.
This, however, is not necessary, for if
the performer be adroit he knows where
to go, owing to the unconscious indica-
tions given by the subject. Nothing, is
more easy than to prove this. Let the
subject be blindfolded instead of the
performer. and the latter will never find
the pm. l asked Mr.. Stuart Cumberland
whether he could find LIN under these
conditions. Being an honest man and
making no pretense to do more than
closely follow indications, he replied
that he could not. Labouchere in Lon
don Truth.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29

A we'll known merchant of New York
city is sail to be the greatest smoker in
the United States. He is tall. stout,
good looking man, weighing about 250
pounds. According to his own state
ment he smokes a dozen prime cigars
every morning before breakfast. How
many he demolishes during the rest Of
the day is not reported.
Last summer it was this gentleman's
custem to go to business every morning
from Queens county, travelling down the
East river on the James slip boat. As
soon as he got on board he placed a
square basket, which he invariably car
ried, on the floor. Then he lifted the
lid and produced thereron an immense
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29

and yet you will find people to-day who
claim that if Milton lived he could have
Knocked the socks off of me with one
hand tied behind him. Recollect, how
ever, that | am not here to open a dis
cussion on this matter. Everyone is
entitled to his own opinion in relation
TO authors. People cannot agree on the
relative merits of literature. Now, for
instance, last summer met man over
in South Park, Col, who could repeat
page after page of Shakespeare, and yet,
when asked him if he was familiar with
the poems of the "Sweet Singer of Mich
igan," he turned upon me a look of stolid
vacancy, and admitted that he had new
er heard of her in his life. BILL NYE.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-11-29
.DOINGn STATUES.
Wrestler Muldoon Tells of How He Sue
ceeded I'm That Line.


ceeded in That Line.
did you ever hear of my Greek statue
work? Well, met Powers, the Califor-
mia sculptor, and we conceived the idea
of turning my muscles to account. /
studied the sketches of the Greek and
Roman and modern statues, haunted she
art galleries and struck all sorts of atti-
tudes. Enerson's minstrels were get
ting played out, and we went to Billy
and proposed to give an act between acts
of the minstrel show. He jumped at
the idea and put it on. tell you, hon.
estly, the society of the coast packed that
theatre, and for three weeks the car
riages blocked the streets at each per-
formance. made 81 800 by it. Then
JAY Rial, who had the California theatre
and was losing money with the Sea of
Ice,' thought he would put in a statue
scene. He gave me eighteen per cent. of
the gross ret eipts. The night before
opened the receipts were twenty dollars.
We billed things freely, and when l
made my first appearance at the Califor-
MIA as Hercules and the other statues,
the house was jammed. l made 81 200 a
week as my share for month. Then
the other theatres wanted TO try the
same thing, but I had got tired of the
thing-had plenty of dust and lots of
fame. Then Ned Hanlan, the oarsman,
came along, and the theatre men went
for him. Can you do the statues? they
asked. Ned did not want any of it.
Sullivan, the pugilist, was next and after
him the managers all galloped. Sullivan
could make more with less work, and
the poor managers got left all around.
When | get tired of wrestling will take
up my trade of posing as a statue, but
not Just at present except to help things
out. They tell me look fine as Greek
statue. Maybe do, but don't want TO
see myself" Detroit News.