The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1884-07-10
WIT AND HUMoR.
A dude is a so cent man in $50 suit


Ing was that business was probably
dull in Rome and Nero was heavily
insured.
A mans brain weighs three and a
half pounds. A woman's is somewhat
lighter, but of finer quality. That is
what enables her to taste lard in her
neighbor's pastry.
A mastadon's tooth weighing four
pounds has been found on farm in
New York state. Wonder what men,
Der of Haverly's minstrels had molar
extracted before leaving for Europe?
The Oil City Blizzard is responsible
for the statement that Strawberries and
cream make girls ''freckled and cause
them to toe in" They will toe into an
ice cream saloon all the same. Dos
ton Globe.
Owing to the crazy-quilt mania.
society young men on small income
have been obliged to fall back on the
old black tie. 1t is too narrow for a
patch and too black to be attractive
Hartford Post.
A London Bank has issued an order
prohibiting the wearing of boards or
mustachcs during business hours. 1t
must be vory annoying for the clerks
TO carry their boards in their pockets
all day: There are liable to get mussed
up.
The fact that FL Mahdi, the False
Prophet, sleeps during the day. and
transacts all his business at night,
gives rise to the suspicion that FL must
have been night news editor before
he went into the business of despatch
ing his enemies.
The choir of q church in New Hamp-
shire couldn't make out why the treble
notes of the organ all of q sudden kept
getting so much stronger than the bass,
until they opened the thing and
found half-starved cat in there
Burlington Free Press.
A Pittsburg inventor has devised q
iet-black mirror. They will hardly be-
come popular among our colorcd
citizens, for in such mirror duskv
damsel can perceive only the white of
her eyes. ''G'way frum heah' with
yer brack lookin' glassesr'
What is the use of wasting money by
advertising in the newspapers, when
one can tack notice like this on the
bulletin board of tho courthouse, or
on the door of the district school:
'sLos or strade, Soral horse too wite
feet and white Ease. Blind in wun i
6ve doler reword."
mo lady or gentleman 'emphatically
remarks Vermont paper, mo matter
how costly or fashionable their rain
ment, will sit in church and eat pea
nuts" And it might have added that
they wifi not send out for pitcher of
beer, either, and drink it while the
collection Is being taken up.
Here is piece of German repartee:
A Frenchman said to Berliner:
"Your Iron Cross, the highest Prussian
order. is simply ridiculous-it has an
intrinsic value of scarce 5 sous" To
which the native of the Prussian capi-
tai replied: II don't deny it, but it has
nevertheless cost you two Napoleons. "
II don't see why you are so particu-
lar about your hair" said a churlish
husband. al don't suppose Eve ever
wore bangs" Il don't suppose she
did, replied the wife. with quiet
smile, "but then there was nobody in
the world but her husband to admire
her," The husband became very
thoughtful.
6 my DEAR" said the wife of the
editor of weekly newspaper, "shall ]
give way those old trousers that you
haven't worn for two years. to some
poor, deserving tramp?' ''No," ans
wered the editor, ''let those trousers
hang just where there are. / may
start daily paper some day and then
will need them sure"
George Zeller stole pair of shears
from the editorial room of Philadel-
phia newspaper, for which atrocious
crime he was sent to Jail for three
months. II he had still further Grip
pied the newspaper office by taking
the paste-pot, it is believed the editor
would have insisted upon life SEN
tence.
Fipps, who has been lunching with
a friend upon frogs legs: "Everthing
you see is of some use in this world,
even the. frog" Friend, who is dis
putatious: II don't agree with you.
OF what use is the mosquito to us?''
Fipps: '.Ah. my dear fellow, you take
wrong view of things. just think
how useful we are to the mosquito. -
Boston Gazette.
nervous that q law has been passed
forbidding steam whistles being blown
In that city. How those people would
to escape and run wild through the
streets, Why, the people would just
sit right down on the sidewalk and
bleat like sacred calf, and if n Mil
waukee tug-boat whistle should happen
IN hxa 10
would give them cramps. .-iecE'S SIN.
Burdette philosophically writes to
young men: Doyou be diligcnt in your
own business and be content with its
rewards. You may not walk so many
miles in six days as Fitzgerald, but you
can sleep u great deal more time; and
II you do not get SO much money for
IL neither do you get so many blisters.
On your little salary at the suspender
counter. you cannot clean up $500. 900
on Wall street this week. But then
neither can you be cleaned out of $780,
600 next week.
Senator Coke, of Texas, has o re-
markably powerful voice, and it is
said that when he was discussing the
pleuro-pneumonia bill and got his
throttle-valve wide open, the pages put
cotton In their ears and wedged the
window sashes to keep them from
rattling and breaking the glass. At
the climax of his vociferations Coke
announced that he intended to speak
so that the whole country would hear
him; and then, as he paused for breath,
Beck remarked, "Guess, they will,
Coke, II there not stone deaf. ."-NeU
York Tribune.
Ii is related as grave and solemn
verify that two ladies met Mt the door
of Boston 'ladies' broker" when one
cried in great excitement: "Oh, dear
Mrs. X, don't know butI am ruined.
1 sold long or short on Dan & Beer
sheba Railroad bonds, and for the life
of me don't know which. but if it's
one way or the other I'm utterly bank
rupt." ''Oh don't take on so. my dear,
was the reply; "it's just the same with
me on Camaralzaman mining stocks,
but I'm just going in and tell the clerk
that l didn't mean q word of what l
said yesterday, whatever it was"
ss0h voIr love ~ exclaimed the other