Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-07-24
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

Z,
chews tobacco to ride In 1t.
I" And they shoald also haul one fiat
car" said the cross passenger, for the
fresh air woman who Away insist on
keeping the car window open. She
should sit on slab seat on an open
graded car and breathe ashes and Gin
ders to her souls content" IL
And dark and lonely box car,
said the tall, thin passenger, for the
man who whistles. The whistlers could
all get together in there aud sit and
drum on the sides of the car with their
fingers aDdwhisile all the tunes they
didn't know. and the rest of the train
would be happy" IL
"And q Kalamazoo velOcipede,
said the fat passenger, " for the man
who drums on the floor with his feet
every time the train stops" Here the
man on the wood box suddenly ceased |
pounding his favorite overture with |
his heels. By the time he had worked |
his knees on express time forty five |
miles," continued the fat passenger,
without appearing to notice anything,
" he might be able to give his feet q
vacation of two or three hours. :"
"And occasionally" the man on the
wood box said, leaning forward to gaze
earnestly into the stove, "they might
put ON Baruum's Jumbo Car for the
man who always las to ride over the
trucks for fear Of springing the car"
There WAS an embarrassing silence OF
: minute OF two, when the fat passen-
J ger said something about refrigerator
cars Tor the man W no was too fresh to
keep i'll day coach, and then every
, body began 10 fear the conversation
, was TAX Ing on col gressional aspect,
; and 80 the committee lose. and shortly
; after the house adjourned.
: Winding bis business" You say the
officer arrested you while you were
D quietly minding your own business ~
s said a judge to the prisoner before him.
Yes, your honor. He caught me
suddenly by the coat collar and threat
: end to strike me with his club unless
g accompanied him to the station house.
I" You were quietly attending to your
r own business, making NO noise or dis
= turbauce of any kind 2" None what.
u ever, sir" at seems very strange
o What is your business 2" I'm
a burglar.
I'll A solution-Archbisho Wheatly
~ once asked a roomful of divines why
:, white sheep ate 80 very much more
NJ than black sheep. One y; rson ad
- vanced the opin ion that, black being
warmer color than white, and one whicl
f., forcibly fails 70 attract the sun, bacl
" sheep cou ID do with less nutriment thai
their white contepporar At thes
~ profound specu lat,ous DIR. Wheat.
VII shook his head gravely, ana then pro
= ceeded to explain White sheep ea
IL more because there are more Of them. "
,a "This is miserable weather." maj
growled, leaning against lamp-posl
~ think it's beautiful" replied u
as acquaintance. The sun has shou
n. every day for week and the air is DIR
!. and pleasant" "That's all very we'll,
said the growler ; "but you know
-. am a coal. dealer. :" Why, no long
- ago than q couple of months 1 heal
raj you growing because 1t was 30 cold
i'd Yes. hut you know / was in the Il
ne business then"
At chemists door appeared the sig
q "Spirits of all kinds sold here"
,op Joker passing by thought it funny TO |
ia and ask the chemist for all "
de- have on hand of the malignant spirit
The chemist, without an instants he
the tation, turned to an assistant and ga
the order, in an imperative tone:
Dill fred, run up to the second floor al
SITS bring down my mother-in-law. he
led is somebody to buy her,"
lti- Yes" she said to her escort, as tn
ave gliied around the link, 81 do 10
fes- roller skating. When we are sail
the around this way my soul seems to
floating away toward heaven, and
is BY some mistake in the programme,
this point both of her soles tioated aw
Ugh toward heaven, while the rest OF b
Ter. smote the earthly floor with might
smote.
the al thought" said the senior Boggl
ken as he produced suspicious ooki
Ast. Hat bottle from his sons valise, til
the there was nothing but your surgic
ned instruments in this bag" Tha
what said, dad" +" Then, sir, wi
like do you call this?" " That? oh, tina
un- my eye-opener, dad very useful
ing strument, very useful indispensable
Ill" assure you"
A Doctor in Ireland was disturb
nat one night by rapping at the door, 81
a .S opening 1t, found q laboring man "
y had come for him. Have you be
&C., long here 2" said the doctor. linda
oa ~ have" answered Pat. But "
3 =, didn't you ring the night bell 2" 20
70 because l was afraid ofdisturoin' "
honor"
vert az should be glad to hear you 81
mar. some day" remarked gentleman &c
.er's young iany, VINO Was ssuuy'nS
the - should DC oeiehteu' Ia, uA "
and for YOU" What song ?" I" w
ried Some Day. AN, yes ~ ~
the some otner otneT oay' y" hen -
told more leisure.
An old fellow in Maine who
the lately buried his fourth wife was
, she costed by an acquaintance who, U
ware of his bereavement, asked q"
is your wife, cap'n ?" To which
captain replied, with perfectly 81
face Waal, to tell you the trev
I'm XII nder out of wives just naow.
s'"' A pompous and opinionated n
ala of when discussing . certain matter y
II NJ q lady, exclaimed / know am RI
madam. l am perfectly sure that
ora I will bet my ears on it, madam r.
nrob. you think it right to carry betting
nuce such extreme len gths ?" quietly
sponded the lady.
,alletl Woman is 80 built that she
the eldom can throw straight. T
dence, it is truly said, orders everyt
aides for the best, and after husband
onnd seen one tin cup sail harmlessly by
their head he can run before she can sn
up another.
,spect "Tim," said one Hiberiau to an
from or, as they marched TO the tun
/" Paddles Ever More," on last st.
u by rick's Day, tits no wundher that
land is not free this day." WI
said Tim. "Sure we're all here"
Zone half the world don't x
! 'oois how the other half live !" exclaim
gossipping woman. Oh, well,
mase her neighbor, -" don't worry about
700 oio 'tisn't your fault if they don't kne