Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1884-02-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
When q woman wants TO be pretty
she bangs her hair, and when she wants
TO be ugly she bangs the door.
1t is reported that some of the mash
ers are going to let out the backs OF
their collars as advertising stations.
Good partners at cards--a chimney.
sweep and bugler. One can follow
SCOT, and the other can trumpet.
Advice to bachelor: Much of
young mans success in life depends on
his selection of n father.
A harmless optical Illusion: The
dudes absorbing pastime is looking ut
his feet through the wrong end of an
opera glass.
Eyes" he said of the actress, "shc
is very unpopular in the company; she
has made a great hit and gets all the
applause.
I'm down to bedrock" said hem
pecked Pittsburg husband, as he sway
ed the cradle containing his bowling
son and heir
A fond mother, in eXcusing her
daughter for marrying n negro, said:
Poor dear thing, she has been color
blind for nearly y year."
A woman may be perfectly angelic
and as patient as patient can be, and
still not be able TO look calmly on while
her husband draws match along u
picture frame to light his pipe.
what shall we do with our daugh-
ters?" asked Mrs. Livermorc in a re-
Gently published book. Give it up.
Why didn't you take 'em TO some sea-
side resort and risk your chancess
The 'laying-on-of-hands cure" is not
the failure some persons believe it to
be. Many a wise and excellent moth
er has used it with great success in
the treatment of refractory offspring.
The revised version of the Old Tcs-
| lament must have reached Boston.
The Budget reports that the Herdic
cab-drivers there are ''like their proto-
type, Jehu. son of Minshi.
A reporter who attended banquet
concluded his description with the
candid statement that lit is not dis
tinctly remembered by anybody pres
ent who made the last speech.
Lady of the house (to ook)-Mag-
| gle, | want YOU to be sure and haste
the duck you are cooking. Cook--Oh,
yes, min, / will And We see | was
| list afther comm for nadle and third
TO do it wild.
Neighbors are very considerable in
| Norway. When baby is born pla-
card is nailed on the door informing
| the community of the fact. Those who
wish to move out OF the vicinity are
thus enabled to DO so in good season.
At the banquet; "Fellow-lrishmen,
l am glad to be with you here. | hope
we shall meet often. Gentlemen, you
may not have supposed it, but am my
self something of an Irishman. have
u cork leg.
Proverbial Philosophy: Who love TO
CAD. die young. pun is mightier
| than the swear-word. Every pocket
has not silver lining. Give every
man his mountain dew.-Too many
books spoil the Soph.
A citizen of Kentucky "sold his spec
tacles off his eyes for 80 cents. and
then turned right around and spent the
This is simply transfer of glasses
from dDONt W DtlOW tic HOSc.
Jane" said father, IL thought
you hated stingy people, and yet your
young man." why, pa, who said
he was stingy?" 20, nobody" replied
pa. ''only L could see he was little
close as passed through the room"
Professor 10 class in surgery: 1.-The
right LEG of the patient. as you see. is
shorter than the left, in consequence
of which he limps. Now, what would
you do in case Of this kind?" Bright
student: Limp, too"
Guard Go old lady who has been
causing him great deal of unnecessa-
ry trouble): "Well, mum, just wish
you was an elephant, and then you'd
always have your trunk right under
your eyes
The Russian proverb, Never take
crooked path while you can see
straight one," seems 10 be rather =
poor one. Suppose the crooked path
leads to where you want to 60, and the
straight one doesn't?
A prima donna sang "Home, Sweet
Home to the convicts in an eastern
prison. and it so worked upon their
feelings that seven of them escaped and
struck out for the parental roof tree the
same night.
what will you think of your beauti
full wife twenty or thirty years from
now?-that is the question" according
to Mgr. Capel. 1t is certainly hard
one, especially if n fellow has not one
now as n basis for the computation
| Graphic.
4 henpecked man can generally stand
the racket without any very serious re-
suits, but woman can't. A hen re-
Gently pecked womans right arm,
since which time she has been unable
to use it. A henpecked woman is a
| failure.
Instruction of Partisan lodging
house-keeper to his son: when you
meet the first floor, bow and take off
your hat; for the second, uncover; for
the third, carry your hand TO your
head; for the fourth. nod; for the attic
door, let the lodger nod first"
mo-" said fond mother, speaking
proudly of her twenty-fve-year-ol
daughter, mo, Mary isn't old enough
to marry yet. She cries whenever any
one scolds her, and until she becomes
| hardened enough to talk back yioor-