Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-01-04
UuR KiLEiD 0SC0PE.
A crying necesslty-a baby.

ances were mean enough to say that she had
got the antique craze.
Judged by artistic standards, red fence
ought to be more beautiful than a Prang
Christmas card, because it is hand.painted.
"Our aim is to elevate the colored race I
said party of lynchers, who had just hung
a negro for stealing horse.
A Boston man advertses "a positive cure
for bad breath" lie ought to station men at
the doors Of all the saloons in the city, and
then be would soon make his fortune.
Pennsylvania courts refuse to allow wo-
men to practice law Pennsylvanians evil
IDENTITY have a realizing sense of the efficacy
Of a woman's tongue.
A Chicago man recently promised his dy-
ing wife that he would meet her in heaven.
We have heard of some pretty big contracts,
but none quite so big as this
The number of dgnifcd and elegantly
dressed citizens, who are perambulatng
our streets with a large patch of snow just
above the tails of their ovcrcoats, is daily in
creasing
y Texas man has invented machine for
washing dishes. Now let him 90 ahead ard
rig up whole hired girl on the same plan,
aud he Tll make his fortune.
p. +. Ba'uUm once offered George Francis
Train $4,000 to travel with him and lecture
But Gc1r-. dec incd. He didn't want the
newspapers Soy that Barnum hal secured
the missing ijlE.
\ psror kailtcd socks 2000 years old has
been dscag,r4 in an Egyptian tomb. They
have 10 heels. however, which shows that
the art Of darning is a modern discovery.
Sixty years ago dlirium lremcns was ar
almost unknown disease in Maine. Now the
snakes are 50 numerous there that it is con,
silered unsafe to 90 out without flask Of
whiskcy in the pocket.
It was Oscar Wilde who alluded to "ih'
barren memory of unkissei kisses" PooI
Oscar. he always vas 50 bashful that W.
don't wolder he felt that way.
I'D d you have box at the theatre ::
asked Poseyboy of Blobson, the other day
ono" was the mournful reply, "but die
when | got home. My wife gave it to me.
# An Erie, Pa, woman wen, crazy on tn
4 day before Christmas. She was EVIDENT
trying to make $1,000 buy the Christina
presents Ola family.
. In Mexico women are not permitted TO at
tcni funerals. 1t seems shameful to depriv
the poor creatures of one of the few oppor
tunitics which they have to display thci
new boInets.
There's wisdom in the ca:k,' sings al
Obi poet, who kuew how TO have a goo
tim.. Aud he'5 right. \ cask has tw
;, heals.
>, Tnc first scrm n ever heard at Sheld3l
Iowa, was preached there, the other day, /
the postmaster.
IN The skins of Onions are 6 iii to be unusut
Is thin this year. Snhle theatrical con
> pinies take warning.
. "Tle sweetest song of the evening"" said
i western editor, in a musical criticism, "w'
A5enI Lied. In spite of the defective mo
ality of the piece, We can not help praisr
il. Ahead ought not to have lied, but if
hadn't, in all probability, this beautiful son
Is. would never have been written"
H. a gentle bard sends us a poem cntitl
> finished Tears" We have wcpt them in
the wash basket.
- The compilers of the seri3, % illustrate
meu Of th1Ntim,," having written to us, L
questn5 permission to publish our biograpl
l.. and bogus presentmcnt, we replied that '
" should be most happy, but had NJ pilot
graph al hand. We reprint their repl.
N photo not necessary. We use same C
every time. VIII add beard if desirei.'
The Boston .4dcerttSer thinks that t
country needs half ccu;s. What it nee
more is q greater number OF articles Two
a cent
The late Professor Sophocles was We
fond OF chickens and would rever allow o
of his own to be killed. The result is IL
Prof Soph'cles' family marketman is NJ
losing many of his patrons
" \ parasite, happlococus reticulatus /
ear been discovered in pork. Let the good VIC
W. go ON. 1t is such a comfort to know cxac
est what one is eating in these days.
rty
Susan Il. Anthony says that the woman
ID the future will be a better mother than S
:. il to-day. Isn't Susan getting little mixcI
4 YORK State eitor speaks of the enarl
oss mont Of contemporary as an "a,tempt
run IN oght.page plperin four page tow
\ Dakota youth took cold from kneel
osS on the ice to las,eu skates for young ladi
ain ami has become deaf in consequence. You
mIu, if You must do that 81, of thing, h
oss out rs a clerk in II shoe store.
&c DJucjcault thinks that Shakespeare wo
be a newspaper man if he were alive to d
ut We doubt it very much. Very few jourr
nc eau afford to supper; poets.
An exchange says THAI the French reel
ST industry is entirely disorganized, As
oss anyone wouldn't feel dlsorgaazcd in t
condition
' From the uuchaugng nature Of lis poll
it would seem as though The government
Iool Uados was an Internal machine.
A new novel entitled PERI is soon to
Der issued. We wish all publishers would n
,.., this class Of goods with the same plain
ur,s.
10, Advertisement in an exchange "Wani
lere at oacc, Il small fiat" If any undersi
was dude wants to get hilscll into a situation
leer had better apply.
4 Floridi paper Offers II premium of