Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1884-05-09
A HUNTING EXCURSION.
The IRASCIBLES LESPOOPENDYKEW WANTS
His SATCHEL PACKED.

His SATCHEL PACKED.
Say, my DEAR said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, gently cant you pack a valise
for me. Specklewottle and | are 60
ing duck hunting, now that the other
fellows are all home
'Oh. myp squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, dropping her crazy quilt in all
directions 'Promise me you won't take
gum
whats the matter with the wo-
man ?" inquired Mr.. Spoopendyke,
losing his cheerfulness and ewing his
wife critically. ga gun! what dye
s'pose we'd do with guns. No, we
take salt, Mrs. Spoopendyke salt, [
say, and we climb trees and lay it on
their tails. We're after the breed Of
ducks that roost in tree tops like a
dodgasted owl. Understand p
OH murmered his wife, resuming
her effort of working forget-me-nots
with green silk. "That is much nicer
and then they won't be full of little
bullets like those you bought last
week. But be careful if it SHOWS and
come home, The paper says"
bod CAST what the paper says,
snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. with
your knowledge of the weather and
the science of gunnery you only need
a little less intellect and a little more
pocket money to be whole Signal
Service. But-see here, did your pa
per say anything about gifted female
getting her husbands valise packed
by the next Presidential election ?'
Certainly, DEAR responded Mrs.
Spoopendyke, Juggling at the huge bag
her husband brought in, and finally
placing it on the table. ''Now what
will you take ~
'Taken roared Mr.. Spoopendyke-
take he repeated as the enormity of
his wife's obstinacy and ignorance be-
gan to dawn upon him. Just put me
up a swallow tail coat and a Revised
Edition, chuck in linen dnster and
prayer book /; remember, prayer book
and not q measly old hymn book.
These ducks we're after'are all "f the
English church and won't stand any
feeling on the articles of faith
That's right he yelled, as his wife
iammed down the dress coat that's
the kind Of wife. Don't suppose that
those dncks'll be any more impressed
by my appearance in q hunting coat.
Don't imagine for an Instant that the
opoopendyks iss'1 with frozen ozsnssR sR saaa :.
straw hat and all those traps Eve
wasted wealth on to protect my
health
And you'll need your new slippers,
continued Mrs. Spoopendyke, medita-
lively, her finger on her lips, 'and your
new tie with polka dots
You've hit it now!' yelled Mr..
Spoopendyke, springing up like a
ball. you've got it. Pm going out
to swell entertainment These
ducks are going to give New Eng
land dinner, and Henry Ward Beecher
and l are going to make speeches on
their advancement aud evolution. Say,
Mrs. Spoopendyke,' continued her
husband, dropping into ferocious
calm, do you think those ducks are
are giving german out in the swamp
or indulging in Italian opera in the
marshes Of Long Island? Well,
they're not; and they're not giving a
measly church sociable, either. Con-
sequently, Mrs. Spoopendyke, I'll be
forced to ask YOU to pack that recep-
Gle as | shall dictate, and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke flung himself in a chair and
glared, while his wife proceeded to
pack under his directions.
Where are you going to put that !?
be demanded, as his wife carefully
folded his shooting coat.
why here in the bottom, because
No you DON'T interrupted Spoop-
endyke. 4 want that on top where it
will be handy and-what are you doing
with that?' he calculated, as Mrs.
Spoependyke picked up a box Of ci-
gars.
why, dear, I'll put these at the bot
tom and the lighter articles
Not if Spoopendyke is in full pos
session of his faculties l want that
and my bottle of brandy on top in
case of accident. Think Pm going
to fish forty days and forty nights as
did the prophets Of old, for those ne
cessities of life? Think Pm going to
perch all night in tree like dod-
gasted woodchuck just because you
won't mt nv clothes where [ can find
them"
But, my DEAR" pleaded Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, "they can't all 60 on top
Cant eh = bawled Spoopendyke,
leaping from his chair. Cant have
my own duds where they'll protect me
from the wintry blasts ? and he COM
menced playing foot ball with his
wife's quilt.
Bring me the measly idiot that said
a man was king in his own castle,
and he made new departure in spat-
ter work as Mrs Spoopendyke's ink
stand struck the wall. SHOW me the
relic of the stone age that claimed a
woman was born to comfort and COM
mand, and last in the procession trot
out the dodgasted fool that first trust.
ed woman to pack a valise,' and
Mr.. Spoopendyke's apparel described
circles like juggler's ball as he
plunged into bed and buried his head
in the pillow.
Il don't Care muttered Mrs. Spoop
end Ike, trying on her new jersey, she's
, a great deal better off at home, and
!, that big bag will be nice when | 60 tc
visit mother
A Young man sent fifty cents to s