Connecticut western news., 1884-09-10
WIT AND WISDOM.

lhe ol locbthotlNe ih 0uA1 hhIA3 YeAE6t
 opE to women-All tho joy and much of the misery in the world
 Ir takes two to make a quarrel, and two 10 keep 1t going it only needs one to end it
 A LEAN young man who fell in love with very feshy young woman, com fessed that he was infatuated.
 IT is fortunate thing that our naval vessels cannot travel on land. They might get run into by baby carriage.
 IN Ohio thore iu one divorce to every seven marriages. In the other six cnsea the husbands got offices and all goes well.
 HENS may be a little backward on eggs, but they never fail to come to the scratch where flower beds arc con- cerned.
 Tms is the close of the season at the sea side. It differs from the clothes of the season at the seaside. The latter on many big trunks.
 Coop advice Ia like a policeman, fin that it is often to be met with when un- sought, but whom really wanted, seldom, If ever, to be found.
 TuE head of Frenchman is worth money in China now. The only way in which China Heems able to get head of France is to buy it. =.
 "A LADY" writes to st. Louis paper upon the fmpropriety of stopping funeral cortogeS while tho hearse driver gets glass of beer.
 SHE held him fast in her soft white arms,
 And kissed him warm with yoArninE hug, For she was girl of the upper ten.
 And ho-woll, he was n dogonod pug. -Mcrc1ant Trdueler.
 Ir the United States ever gets another navy, they should be moro careful with it, and keep it away from sloopa and scows, and other dangerous vessels. --
 MOTHERS rarely (if evorl stop to think that doapotic rule of their daughters- the nagging and irritating sentinolahip of every step-is reflected insult to themselves.
 "F1duREs won't lie." If anybody doubts the truth of this old saw let him compare an architect'a estimate with the actual cost of building. He will be convinced at once.
 GEoboCrsrs say that if no new de- posits are found the ooal-bods of the earth will ba exhausted in exactly 10,s75 years. But, notwithstanding, local dealers will not advance the price of coal.
 GEonaE voN FuRnAcH printed tho first almanac in 1460. We knew that some of the almanac jokes we strike in our country exchanges were pretty ancient. but we didut suppose that they dated so Furbach as that.
 SMIrH-"I notice that milkmen, aa a rule, wear very heavy shocs." Brown ''Yos; they do 1t on purpose, I guess. !" Smith-"Why 2" Brown -- Because, you know, It would be rather suggea- tive If they wore pumps."
 A Lou1svmhE man has turned out some sort of an electrical invention by which a man can lie in bed and Aah. There is no demand for such oontrap. tion, for anybody knows that man who will tish can lie anywhere.
 "You are lucky, 1" said criminal law yer to his client, thief "Am aoquit- ted ?" inquired the thief. "No. not that, 1" replied the lawyer: ''but you will be the first inmate of the new prison, and will get q writo.up as such"
 "WuY, Allie, dear, is that the way to begin your dinnerp" asked a mother of little daughter, as she began with the pic instead of the bread and butter. "Weil, I declare. mamma, was going to eat my dinner upside down, wasn't I.'
 A MICHIGAN editor, on discovering a fire rushed out Into the street shouting' "ConflAgration ConHagration | 1 Con- fiaerationlli Approximate hither with the implements of deluge and eHtinguish this combustion" The office devil now fills the editorial chair.
 TIE Boston Transcript says ''Fish are said to be getting more shy at Cape May year after year. It Is all owing 10 the bathing costumes, probably. The Ash have been SO shocked that they couldn't stay there much longer and preserve their selt.rcspcct,"
 A VIGOROUS old fellow who had lately buried his fourth wife was accosted by an acquaintance. who, unaware of his bereavement, asked: "How is your wife, cap'n NorrisP" To which tho captain replied with perfectly grave face, "Waal, to tell ye the trewth, I'm kinder out of wives just naow.'
 MASKED hugging parties arc popular at church fairs in Missouri. By paying fifteen cents a man ia allowed to hug girl. but he ia first blind-foldcd. It makes a man awful mad to lind, on re- moving the bandaee from his eyes, that he has been hugging his own wite, Fiji teen cents gone for nothing.
 HE was giving her an account of the origin of secret societies while she sewed A button on his coat preparatory to going out "And now, my dear, he concluded, "do you know why we call our section of the society lodge2" 1T suppose it Is because you lodge there all the time evenings" she answered. He said no more.
 CANT you almost boiledp' inquired child of gentleman calling on her father and mother. "No, little one, l can't say that am. On the contrary,