The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-02-21

mems. i saw snakes ana alngatOrS
and things, but it merely seemed as
though l was in Florida.
After wrestling with the subject for
long while, a New York writer con-
cludes thas there is only one thing that
can effectually remove the odor of fried
Onions-time.
Young farmer: care you fond of
beasts, Miss Gusherton?" Miss Gush-
erton: ''Oh, really, Mr.. Pawker, if
you mean that as declaration, yo1
must speak to mamma"
The Indianapolis Journal says that
the average citizen wants a lock with
four key-holes. Unless the average
citizen has improved of late one key
hole is usually about all he can find
Ne1o York Graphic.
where is the girl of long ago?''
sings Joaquin Miller. We saw her the
other day, Joaq. But she isn't a girl
any more. She had gray hair and
wart on her nose, and no teeth and
wore specs.-SaIena Sunbeam.
Count Harnancorn. of Vienna, now
social lion in New York: Zach, it's
too pad! / can neefer marry but one
American girl, und | loafs all of DEM
Like Artemus Wards monkey, he is
described as an ''amoosin' little cuss."
Thompson is not going to do any
thing more in conundrums. He re-
Gently asked his wife the difference
between his head and hogshead, and
she said there was none. He says that
is not the right answer.
A visionary tinancier who had
thousand ways to make fortune, and
not a single one to make living, is
described by a friend as ''a man so
sanguine that the mere getting hold of
a shoe-string makes him think that he
is already the owner of a tannery."
"What will you think of your beauti-
full wife twenty or thirty years from
now?-that is the question" according
to Monsignor Capel. That is not a
hard question. Monsignor Capel. Most
likely we Will think she is much
better cook than she was at first.
A man always finds out when there
is hole in the bottom of his stocking.
He makes the discovery when he takes
his boots off at night and puts his foot
down on the hot register to warm. He
rarely forgets to speak right out about
it.
The lectures of Joseph Cook suggest
q story 10 the San Francisco Bulletin;
''Sandv, what is the state of religion in
your town." bad, sir, very bad.
There are no Christians except Davis
and myself, and l have many doubts
about Davis.
81 preserve my equilibrium under all
l. circumstances, she was heard to say
in a pause Of the music to the tow
headed youth who was her escort.
''Do you?" ne answered softly. ''moth-
er cans hers" Then the music re-
| sumed.
A rowing newspaper man has made
| the discovery that ali the women in the
Isle of Jersey are pretty, many of them
| prettier than Mrs Langtry, and he will
build summer resort hotel with a
frontage of 1000 feet, and piazza
with a double deck.
Customer-"Are all Smyrna rugs
alike?" Storekeeper = 'No, indeed;
| there is a great, a very great, difference
in Smyrna rugs" Customer-sWhat
is the principal point of differenceP"
| Storekeeper-''Well, some Smyrna rugs
are Smyrna rugs, but most Smyrna
rugs are not Smyrna rugs.-PhtladeLphsa
| Call
How is this? In Boston they pro-
nounce it ''NeU-f' nj nd" accent on the
| Moot; in Michigan it is called New
| fourad-land," with great stress on the
found" and the natives of the island
| say '.New-fun-land;;' coming out strong
| on the "land.n We don't know how
| the dog calls it himself Burlington
| Haaokeye.
| Mamma Ca widow of considerable
| personal attractions) want to tell
| you something. Tommy You saw that
| gentleman talking to grandmamma in
| the other room. Well, he's going to
be your new papa. Mammals going
to marry him." Tommy (who recol-
| lects something of the life his old papa
used to lead) -.'D-d-does he know it
yet, mammal
what is the matter, dearp'' said
| country minister wife to her husband.
| you look anxious and worried" Il
am, he replied. Il have just heard
some very bad news" LET me share
it with you, said the good woman.
Perhaps it may not be as bad as you
think" There is no hope of that, y
was the mournful reply. The men,
bers of the church are to give us do
nation party next week.
What has become of Miss Blank,
| who was such favorito in your set?"
Her father failed few weeks ago, and
all they had was sold by the sheriff F"
Poor thingr' And now they have
to live in little rented house down
town. What change! How she
must grieve!h Yes. She is so much
| changed that even her best friends
would not recognize her. met her on
the street to-day and did not know her
at ali, poor thing"
The way in which the word s'lady''
is used now was well illustrated in a
little scene which actually occurred in
the vicinity of the market the other
day. There had been disturbance on
the street corner, and Hibernta an
nvmph described it to the curious side
walk committee as follows: ".Ye're a
dirthy liar saws the ladg as keeps the
apple-stand. Wild that the Guild drunken
lady up with brick and tuhk her lick
in the head. y
Old fashioned long, very long, India
shawls, such as merchants wives wore
fifty wears ago, are coming in fashion
again. They are hard 10 find. and one
costing less Than 81, 900 is of no conse-
quence-
The Florida sponge crop amounts te
4 gNlTa