The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-05-30
WHY WE LAUGH.

Queen OF the May-ths scrub -sirl-!Satur-
day Niyht.
The coral insect is . great reef efformer.-
Nesc York Journal.
Tho blind pool is poor place for small
fry.-Neu York Journal.
The speculator loses hope when he loses
Whitehall Times.
A man without future-a bursted stock
broker.-Merchant Traueler.
When . mans head swims thsr, Is gener-
ALL less water than whisky about it.-Bos-
ton Times.
Bella asks: "What is the best thing to feed
parrot on? ?" II the parrot belonged to us
we'd feed 1t on Paris. s.srsen.-Harristrg
Telegraph.
Having learned Of the invention OF . ms
chine for darning stockings, the Detroit Free
Press asks pathetically, .Who will care for
mother now?"
"Pa, what are puts and calls on State
street," "We!l, man puts his money In
brokers hands and when he calls for 1t it 10
all gone. e."-Boston Globe.
From the French: A good country priest
said to dying drunkard "My son, you must
be reconciled with your enemies" "Then,"
groaned the poor wretch, "give me glass of
water J"
"Kesp num-" said the joker to the guest
on his right, As he put = spoonful Of sal: in
another guests coffee. q" do" solsmnly
replied the man addressed; I'm . wine
merchant. ."-Ha,ckeye.
Caution: A lady ninety years old remarked
to NJ. dc Fontenslle. whose age was eighty
five: "Death has forgotten u.s." "Hush!"'
said III. de Fontsnelle, putting his finger to
his llps.--Paris Paper.
Gentlemen of the jury" said . Tscum-
sch, Nebraska, lawyer last week, "there
were just thirty-six hogs in the drove.
Please remember the fsct-just three times
as many as In the jury box, gentlemen"
"Young Orator" wants to know what Is
the best exercise for the lungs. Try to At
tract the passing attention Of "Csntral"
through . telephone. p. S.-This exercise
will also teach you to swear.-E1chdnge.
"Jofnny," said the editor to his son and
heir, the young hopeful of the family, "ars
you in the first class at school?" "No," re-
piled the lad, who had studied the newspa-
per, 81 am registered IS second class male
matter"
An editor in Southern California managed
five different papers In the last year, and
they all collapsed on his hands. He has
Just started another and has named 1t Kind
Words, because kind words can never die
Pretzel's Weekly.
Jnlia--No, . yacht is not necessarily .
very handsomely built vessel Of any stated
size or rig. All that is necessary to make
yacht is an ordinary sail boat, half dozen
young men with white caps and plentiful
supply Of liquid nourishment.
"Can you let me have $50 this morning to
purchase bonnet, my dear ?" said q lady to
her husband one morning at breakfast. 'By
and by, my love-" "That's what you always
say, my dear; but how can / buy and buy
without the money ?" And that brought the
money.
"Jaue," said Mrs. simplegood, .If Mrs.
Limberehin calls to-day, please tell her l
am out. "But, mother" asked Jane,
"would that not be wrsng9' "Not at all,
my dear; doesn't the good book counsel us
to avoid the appearance Of evil2"-Bostsn
Transcript.
"You seem TO feel unusually well this
morning." said an imp Of darkness to bis
Satanic majesty. ayes, indeed" responded
the old sinner, fiicking his tail playfuily, 81
have just heard some good news" "What is
1t ?" "Bob Ingsrsoll Is lecturiug again.
Philadelphia Gail.
81 see the newspapers say . good deal
about confidence men," remarked old Mrs.
Juneberry," "but I never seed any, and l
don't believe there Is sich men. hain't put
no confidence in men since my darter mar
Fhorn t,St ssnls III Il
msn."--Phitadelphia Gail.
The Postmaster General has ordered the
name of the postoffice at Damphooi, Wash
ington county, Tennessee, changed to Biz.
zard. This appears to have been done at
the request Of Mr.. Psttibone, member of
Congress from the First Tenn sssee District.
He doesn't want two damphools In his local
ity.
Lawyer Blank was In his usual cynical
mood. 81 don't see how 1t is," he said,
"that the devil always seems to get ahead of
the Lord, Notwithstanding you say the Cres-
tor is all.powerful." "Ah, but you forget"
replied the parson, "tbat the devil has Gil
the lawyers on his side."-Boston Tran
script.
Some years ago . preacher was on his
rounds in one Of the Georgia counties below
here and at the conclusion OF his sermon he
called on "Brother Smith" to lead In prayer.
Imagine the surprise of the man Of God
when fifteen men, all Smiths, fell on their
knees and commenced praying. Ha1kins-
ritte Ne,rs.
ain what sense Is the term goose egg used,
George, In connection with base ball ?"
"Gooss egg! 1t means nothing, Angelina.
That is to say, 1t means cypher. The player
who fails to score anything IL said to have
made . goose egg !" "How funny /! l thought
II meant something entirely different" "In-
deed What was your idea Of it?" 81 thought
IL might be an egg laid by some Of the fouls
Of the game."-Lomsrille Corier-Journal.'
A Brooklyn man who hit wheat for few
thousand dollars last week, rushed around
and rented brown.stone front, and then
sought the services Of furniture mover.
"Irl take 1t by the job and do the fair thing
By you," replied the mover. "Wsli, how
fair?" "I'll say fifty dollars for the two."
"What two" "Why, the moving this week
into the brown stone, and the moving, in
about month, from that into cheap frame
house in the suburbs / always Job the two
moves together In the case Of grain spscu-
latorw .... .s.a ls...-.aat - z
| Nine times outen ten when man laughs
at sbsrything you say and smiles ebery time
he meets you, he 10 got bis eye on yer fer
anudsr purpose. worked once fer de
laughines' man eber seed. While de crsp
wuz CROWN he would come erroun,' lean on
dc fence an laugh. "Dat's dc bes' man /
sber seed, thinks !" aan' he gwins ter do de
squAr' thing BY me-" When de crop wuz all
gsdsred an went ter his house ter hab .
settlement, he met me In do yard an laugh
ed. Artcr erwhile he went In ter dc house
an sot down. De hawhaw want no longer
heerd; de smile wuz all gone, an b.ame II
he didn't cheat ne outsn swo bales o. cotton.
--Arkansas Traveller.
Ninsty-nins Mile Pneumatic Tube.