The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1884-03-19
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Wednesday, March 10, 1884
COMIC COMMENTS.


Epitaph for policeman He sleeps his
last sleep.
A. close call Here, come back and
shut the door,
AZ work for miner considerations" says
the gold-digger.
g am purchased by faith," says the
clock, " but I'm known by my works"
Me challenge the jury ?" exclaimed the
accused. 9 No, thank ye, Judge; I'm a
man of peace, am"
Coffin is the name of a rising tenor singer
in the West. Strange, that a man can sing
who is always Coffin.
When Chicago man does good deed,
the people erect q monument to his honor.
There are no monuments in Chicago.
=" I print kiss on your soft, white check, !"
says the type to the paper. = g The impress
sion you make is good, " is the reply.
As between crossing the ocean these days
and being tried for murder in Missouri, one
is great deal rislier than the other
Russian finances are in such bad way
that it is believed the Gar would be glad to
get hold of few American trade dollars Of
80 cents apiece. - go @
One of the Harvard students has fitted
up his room at cost of $4,000 We sus-
pect that the young mans room Is better
than his company.
The Philadelphia Baslstin complains that
" servant girl recently astonished drug
gist's clerk by asking for porous plasters
" Yes" said Fogg, g I've met with many
successes in my life. That's the trouble,
you know. Tae things fellow meets arc
always going the othor way"
This climbing seven flights of stairs to
ones sanctum and grinding out thought for
the masses from P. NJ until A. M, is
what is rapidly getting away with most of
us editors.
The friends of Western editor, who has
made quite success Of his paper, claim
that as an ora of prosperity dawned upon
him he became stuck up" He must have
fallen into his pnste-bucket.a q IS esg3
The ghost of New York drummer is
said to travel the route he used to, when
alive, visiting the merchants, hugging tho
table-girls, &c. It's tough on the NOR
chants, rs they thought they'd got rid Of
him.
A Highland PARK (Ill.) clergyman, who
would scorn to get drunk ON whisley, takes
bromide until he is made crazy enough to
grossly insult lady. Excitants worse
than whiskoy are greatly multiplying in the
land.
Oscar Wilde thinks the American prairie
IN too bare of decoration" Oscar is
right; the prairies should be covered with
forests, and the ground should be thrown
up into Lills and mountains here and there.
Boston Transcript.
The Detroit Free Press notes the adyan-
tages Of advertising; A young lady, en-
ployed in one of the largest dry goods es-
adjustments in Detroit, lost bracelet
She advertised for it in several papers, and
on returning to the store in the morning
found the bracelet under the counter.
A man, sixty-eight years old, has been
arrested for attempting to wreck train.
He was provided with several revolyers,
three bowie knives, and an army musket.
It is believed he had been reading boy story
papers, and had organized himself into q
Jesse James gang No'sIstoaoa Herald.
'sThe cantilever bridge at Niagara Falls
is the greatest in the world" said friend
to Il civil engineer in an uptown block.
think you may be little mistaken"
said the man of science 'No," replied
the other, who was man of wit and didn't
care for science " even you must acknowl-
edge that it is without pier!" Funeral
notice later.
There was young man out in Arizona
who once declined q pressing invitation to
favor select company with song. "Oh,
really, you must excuse me- he said. "I
tell you emit sing. I don't come of
singing family. Why, there was my old
father he used to try Old Hundred, but he
had SO little ear for music that he never got
more than ninety out of the ne.n-Buf-
falo Commercial Advertiser.