Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1884-07-03
An Amateur Milkmaid.

rings knew her pretty ears no more.
An Amateur Milkmaid.
MY EXPERIENCE IN THE DAIRY BUSINESS.
From the Cortland Democrat
| They told me to 90 milk "Old Brindle,"
so seized pail, and started on my milky
way TO the lot. 1t was suggested before |
went that Old Brindle was trfe shy, and
before finished concluded that they were
extremely right about it. A more bashful
COW never remember to have met
/, As came up she stood in the long shad-
ows Of the fence boards, languidly switching
her tail, and nbstractedly chewing her cud.
She looked pensively around at me and the
pail. as We came up. without any visible
symptoms Of embarrassment. | got over
the fence and picking up stool. went up
and tickled her RIBS. To my surprise, she
swung the end of her tail up on her back
bone, and moved slowly and lazily away,
evncing however no feeling. mechanical
ly followed her along Il moment but she
didn't stop at all. At the same slow pace
followed her; commencing nj the south line
OF said lot, thence east sixteen degrees, four
chains and twent 1.-TWO links; thence north
erly, along the east line Of John Bunyans
and Josh Billings's land, tswamp) forty-three
| degrees, any number Of chains, 10 the cen
ter Of the creek thence running (or walking
rather) water eighteen (lS) inches deep,sou-
sou-west by northeasterly along the center
of the creek; TO lands formerly owned by
Martin Luther; thence catering southerly
10 stake and stones, which she walked
right over the top Of and after her thence
somehow or other, to the place Of beginning,
il being about mile and a half be Ne
same more or less.
Ard then she )pped.
then softly pa,ted her vertebta with a
sweet smile. when she looked blushingly
around at me. with her mild, brown, ex-
pgessive eyes, and started of again. with all
arch little twist Of her BODY that seemed to
say, You bold, bad msn amt you asham-
ed9' | was entced into following her foot
steps again over Tremendous thi,:es tina,
bit and s,ung like serpents and adders and
multipierS and sub'ractors. over slumps
touched by the eating teeth OF Tine. and in
to post holes that reminded you Of the bot
tomless pit in the world 10 come
Now suppose that COW thooshi | was
driving her because | was following her
around. wasn't at all. only wanted to
be in ,he neighborhood Of where she stop
ped, IN order 20 take advantage Of her mo-
tionless condition and milk her. as couldn't
very well do it on tie fy. Finally con
cluded that il was milk. not exercise. that
wanted, and Old Brndle must compromise
or fight.
We were approaching a corner in the
fence and revolved in my mind series Of
astonishing flank movements. As Brinde
sL,j -is,,, ..;'h i;ttia :nr-h a-.., VI ,ha onr
about faced and surprised the enemy, two
ewes She cowed before my gaze. Cows
are that mean they don't know when they
are beat. Now that COW was cornered, and
cornered fair, and she knew it F.; but she
couldn't be happy without making trouble,
SO she squrmed. and whirled, and cantered
around tina, corner, in order to escape.
think she acted zeal mean. She went thro'
all the squirming exercises in The. manuel,
and then commenced to back. In vain
kicked and whayed, and swore and punch
cd. she backed. seized her tail and twist
ed it-no, didn't twist it off, bat gave ii
a wiring besides which, whisky rings, we'd
ding rings, gold rings, and ringworms. pale
their Intellectual fires.
| have learned this much about cows. II
you twist their tails hard they will kick tSe
twistist endways, If they hit him. As i. was,
the claws of her off hind limb came ii1tqn-
tact with the pail carried. and hsted it
over into the next lot. That, Of course, end
ed my "corner" in beef. ! couldn't mllk
without pail, and that was leaning agains,
a thistle in the distance. thought lltlle
of milking the old girl on the ground, ont
of spite Gf ] c0uldl but concluded that
wouldn't pay.
A. | expected, when | started for the
pail her fac: frightened up, and She -wag
gered into the green field and pasture anew.
Then got mad, | vowed then and there,
and bll>tered the palm of my hand in spank
ing the bottom of the pail 10 emphasize the
matter, to persuade the lacteGl fluid from
the person Of the COW, or burst. All the
revolutionary blood in my veins boiled.
NAV say it sissed d-whether it sssed OF not,
looked over at my victim and caught her
viewing me. Our ewes met. tancied | saw
a look of regret in her gaze. and governed
myself accordingly.
made my advance now in calm. quiet,
oily, insinuatng, chloroform way that
should have succeeded, which it didn't. She
lifted her eyebrows in surprise, rolled her
cud into her cheek, switched an imaginary
ily off her back, bit off the top of Canada
thistle, winked at the COW in the next lot,
and then rambled away again. then fol-
lowed her with improper language and
1 tunu!t OF emotions too numerous to men,
tion.
WHAT else could do How, | beg, now
YOU smile so exasperatingly, could have
stopped that COW couldn't grasp her
tail, and thus check retreatng footsteps. Q.
no, Brindle was great deal larger and
stronger than | was at that time.
At last, thanks to the human mind,
evolved brilliant idea. would tire her
out, run her down. stood up on my toes,
swung the pail around one side of my head
and the stool around the other side of my
head, ran the chromatic scale with I'D libi-
tum passages up to sharp, hung there
with q thrill that would have made a steam
whistle squirm, and simultaneously ap
preached the subject of this sketch on the
run.
Of all the scared COWS you ever saw, gen
tie reader,-I hope you are gentle if not, ex-
cuse me,-that COW was the Alpha and the
Omega an6 all the rest Of the Greek alpha
bet. She gave one jump and lit into
dead run. She turned the corner on her
horns, or seemed to, and came tearing down
the east side, lashing her backbone with her
tail and experimenting with her horns; she
turned two more hand springs into the
! creek, paved up the bank and galloped up
| the vest side as if she had thousand pair
of wings. Every time she looked at me
she had fit; none Of your home made fits,
but with all the modern improvements.
| Balancing on one horn and kicking at the
Christian home in glory is new thing in
fits, so is jumping sideways, over stumps.
| That ~as old Brindle. She was star CON-
binalion by herself. | never have enjoyed
circus since that day tried to escape
into the next lot, but there seemed COW
between every two posts in the fence, and
when cast my eyes about ME to observe
the beauties Of nature seemed to see a
whole flock Of cows.
Just az the sun was at its height heard q
voice, and looking toward the highway. l
saw standing there the owner Of the beast.
He was hopping up and down and swearing
at every hop. He strobe with monstrous
scowl up to where l sat exhausted on the
ground, tanning myself with the milk-stool,
and demanded an explanation. arose to
explain. told him in . stage whisper that
old Brindle was too nervous and restless.