The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1884-03-04
WIT AID IIUMOR.

quaintances were mean enough TO say
that she has got the antique craze.
A patent has been granted in Wash
ington for "hen's nest" The only
wonder is that somebody has not cot 9
patent on the hen. Philadelphia CdH
A Burlington boy sent for fifty cent
watch, and received suu-dial. He
has named it Faith" because faith
without works is dead.
A Vermont man has lost goose
that was sal TO be 100 years old. II
has probably gone to join the Michi-
ganders.
Mrs. Murphy: "Och, it's awful, Their
PLAYFUL what's buried aloive! II | be
living whin I'm dead, Pat, don't be az
ther burying me aloive!"
Taste in dress holds supremacy even
in the far west. A Miles City editor 5
wife wears red to match her husbands
nose.
KILLED at a Spelling Bee, is the
headingo of n sensational item going the
rounds. People will persist in wrest-
ling with words that are too hard for
them.
Il know the man who pokes fun at
my visual intrmities, y said the man in
spectacles. "He's q chap that goes
about with an ear-trumpet and a What
dye say.
A New York man has asked for di-
yorce because a muStache is sproutlng
on his wiie's lip. As a rule, it makes
man mad to have any mustache on
his wife's lip but his own.
The game in Wall street: "Simon
SAYS up; Simon SAYS down; Simon says
wiggle- waggle" His name ism t Simon,
though, and he usually says Down
Puck.
Civilization, on her luminous wings
scars in the direction of Reno, New,
saws the Sacramento Bee. The squaws
in that vicinity have taken to using
face powder"
Mrs. Brown-"And so your husband
lost his leg. Isn't it awlul?" Wife
You may well say it. And it was only
last week that he bought new pair of
boots--a pair, Mrs. Brown.
A Boston letter-writer SAYS that the
publishers of the Y0u.hS C0mpGlioa
paid Tennyson $1,000 for his new
poem" Softening Of the brain all
around.-Tezas SJtiags.
The word obey" has been stricken
from the marriage service ny Canada |
Methodists. This is right. The women
won't obey, and there is no use encoug-
aging them to commit perjury.
The Koran says, God IS with the
patient After the doctor is called in,
however, it often happens that the pr
tient is with his Gol.-Bo}t,n TraH-
script.
a Philadelphia man stopped using |
gas and bought lamps instead. The
very first night lamp was upset by |
the cat and the house .rned down. |
Moral-Don't keep cas-.
Daughter-Are all men brutes, NAM
ma? Mamma-No, nv dear; but some |
are. Daughtcr-Wh.ca ones are the
brutes. mamma? Mamma-The mar
ried ones, my dear
a Utah paper uses the words mel
low drama four times in reviewing "A
theatrical performance given in its
town. The critic evidently TOOK
mellow dram or two before he wrote
the review
$40 birds Think" asks writer in
opening current article II they do
we would like TO know what u canary
thinks OF the fat woman VINO stands up
il a chair and talks baby" through
the brass wires Of its cage.
The wedding service has been 50 ar
ranged that the bride responds to the
usual questions after the groom has re-
sponded. So we see even in the outset |
Of married lie woman is bound to have
the last word.
Many man who would roll mp his
eyes in terror az the idea Of stealing a
threepenny-p.ece, will swoop down on
silk umbrella, worth los, and march
of with his lips moving peacefully, as
II in prayer.
Yes" said Henderson, Miss Forte
plays beautifully. don't know any
thing about music myself, but know
she's splendid player, because all the
other players say her music is just hor-
rid"
The announcement is made that five
new and swift steamships are to be
added to the transatlantic lines. Every
thing seems to be working for the good
OF American bank cashiers, feelingly
observes the Louisville Comier-J0urnuL
The girl blushed like an 1854 sun
set as the Old gentleman entered the
parlor and turned up the gas. But she
allowed it was only the result of cosmic
dust, while her fellow wore comic air
OF sheepishness.
A colored minister of Kentucky, in
defending clergymen against whom
sweeping charges had been made, said
"Now, every man you see riding fast
in buggy don't own it. So every
man in pulpit is not true preacher
called by Christ. y
james, my son, take this letter to
the postollce and pay the postage for
it." The boy James returned highly
elated and said Father, seed lot
OF men putting letters in a little place,
ana when no one was looking slipped
yours in for nothing"
Wilmott wrote: Every wear carries
a l.