davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15
No. 30.

goose over and over. In his pcrpIcsiiy. he
looked around the table. 10 see N by chance
the leg had strayed on to another plate.
Then the thought began to dawn upon him
he was being triaed with, insultcd by his own
cook.
"Tell Cesar said the colonel to one II his
servants, ~ want to sec him instantly tell
him to come up just as he Is. Ladies' and
gentlemen" said the colonel, pointing non
chalantly, with his carving knife, to the goose,
" there Is little mystery here that trust will
be explained satisfactorily. have only been
able to discover one leg 10 this goose, bat
hope in few minutes 10 be able 10 ascertain
where the other leg has disappeared to.
There was stcciy look IN the cold, gray
eyes something hcndish in his very url,aniiy.
And when poor Cesar appeared before his
master, trembling in every limb, and the
pupils Of his eyes dilating with terror. the
sympaihies Of the company we're entirely With
him, and no, with his master.
Cesar" said the colonel, quietly, do
you see that goose p
"Ycs, sab"
"And how did you come to send ~ goose
that had only one legf"
Cos, massa, your geese only got ono leg,
grasping, like drowning man, at a straw.
Ny geese have only ono Iegp
eyes, sab y dehantly. The very novelty
Of the idea cn,boIdencd him.
Do you mean 10 stand there and ieIl me
that my geese have only 20, ono iegf~
Yes, ebcy one"
"Vey we'll, Cesar, that will do for the
present" said the colonel, with grim smile.
In the morning We shall sec II you are right.
But let me tell you, sir, Il you are wrong, III
teach you to be more accurate in your anatomy
in the future"
Poor Cesar well knew what this meant lie
was most certainly in for a whipping The
next morning the colonel and his guests
walked down in solemn procession 10 the dnck
pond there, sure enough, were all the geese
standing on one leg.
Didn't tell you 50 Didn't tell you
so, niassa n cried Cesar, ,riumphanily.
Shoe shoe !" said the colonel.
Every goose put down his leg.
But Cesar was equal to the emergency.
'Dat amt fair, massa you know dat amt
fair You didn't say Shoe to DAT goose on
dc table. "-5t,ome n. Hayt.
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15
THE RoBnER WHO ROBBED HIMsrLr.

The Bishop of Cashel, having occasion to
visit Dublin accompanied by his wife and
daughter, determined to perform the journey
by easy stages, in his own carriage.
One part of his route was through a wild
and mountainous district and the bishop
made point of quitting his carriage at the
foot of every hill and walking TO the top. On
one Of these occasions he had loitered to look
at the scenery. and in SO doing suffered his
family and servants to be considerably in ad.
vance; perceiving this, he fastened to make
up for lost time, when fellow leaped from
behind some loose stones, and accompanying
the flourish of huge club with demoniac
yell, demanded Money!"
The bishop gave the robber all the silver he
had loose in his pocket, hoping that it would
satisfy him (; but he was mistaken.
"And is i, with the likes of this I'm after
letting you off'-a few palty tinpennies
Arrah, don't stand shivering and shaking
there, but pull on, your purse Immediately, OF
III bate you as blue as milestone.
His lordship most reluctantly yielded his
well-iilled purse, saying in tremulous accents
"My good fellow, there it is don't ill-use
me; I've forgiven you all, pray let me depart. y
Fair and softly, il you phase as sure as
I'm NOT a good fellow, haven't done with
you yet. l must sarch for your note-case, foI
I'll engage you have few bits Of paper pay,
able at the bank so hand it over. OF you'll
sup sorrow tonight"
II was given up. The bishop made an in
s,inctive movement as though anxious &c
escape from further pillage.
"Wait while, or may be l shall get angry
with you; hand over your watch and seals,
and then you may trudge."
Now il happened that the divine felt parti
eulm regard for his waich-noi So much from
its Icing Of considerable value, but because il
had been presented to him by his first patron
and he ventured to espostulate.
"surely you have taken enough leave ms
my watch, and III forgive all you have done.
"who as'd your forgiveness, you old var,
mint Don't force me to do anything ia be
sorry ior--but without any more bother. just
give me the watch, OF 49,
And he jerked the bhdgton from his right
hand TO his left, spai in the horny palm Of the
former, and regrasped the formidable weapon.
as though seriously bent on bringing ii into
operation this action was not UNDECIDED by hi,
victim he drew forth the golden time piece,
and, with heavy sigh, handed i, to thu
spoiler, who, rolling the chain and seals round
it, found some wider aperture in his apparel
into which he crammed ii 4; and giving himsel
a shake 10 ascertain tina, i, had found. by i'll
own gravity, place OF safety, he said
Aud now, be oil with you, and thank tbs
saints tina, yon lave me wi,hou, scratch or
your skin OF the value Of your little finger hurt.
II needed no persuasion TO induce the bishop
to turn his back upon the despoilss Of hi
worldly goods. and, having no weightso carry,
he set oh at What eque>irians term "a hans
'eanie'." Scarcely, however, had he ssaehes
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

transaction standing upon is own merits, and
have blamed my maternal grandfather for having
taken an undue advantage Of my father At a
period when he was susceptible to influences
other than mefccnary I have blamed my father
this time he was not more upon his guard, and
that he had not the prudence to better
protect the investment made for him by his
father, in view Of the possibilities that in time
he might himself become father and have a
child, to whom large and multiplying herd
Of fine Merino sheep would be very desirable
inheritance. have carried on the calculation
and figured the flock Of fne.wooled Mcrinos
that would now BE awaiting me # my father
had not changed his flock for the silver watch
which is now 50 Invaluable and unin,eresting,
and indeed a painful heirloom in our family.
At twenty-four years Of age my father would
have had sixty-fonr sheep; at twenty eight
years, one hundred and twenty eight. The
following table shows the extent Of the wDolly
inheritance would now enjoy had my father
been content to have forgone the luxury Of a
ell -
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

the middle Of the PERCEPTIONS foad when he
perceived his prosecutor running after him.
stop, you nimble.footed thief " the
world y roarcd the robbcr =" stop, tell you
I've q parting word with you yet
The exhausted and dcfenseless clergyman.
finding II impossible to continue his fight.
suddenly came 10 a standsiin The fellow
approached, and his face, instead Of IT, former,
ieroeiiy, was III up with whimsical roguiqh.
ness Of expression, as he said, And is II
likely j let you of with better coat on your
back than my own aud will nc after losing
the chance Of that elegant hat and wig2 on
with them this moment, and then you'll be quit
o me-"
The footpad quickly Invested the bishop Of his
single-breastcd coat, laid violent hands upon
the clerical hat and fll-buttomed wig, put them
on his own person, and then insisted on seeing
bis late apparel used in their stead; and with a
loud laugh ran of, as through his last feat had
been the moft meritorious " his life.
Thankful at having escaped with unbroken
bones, his ordship was not long in overtakinp
his carriage.
My dear Wiliami" exclaimed his ar.
ieciionaie wife, after listening to the account Of
thrperilsto which her husband had been exposed.
'for heavens sake, take off that filthy Jacket.
and thos it out Of The window. You can put
my warm cloaek over your shoulders till we
reach the next stage, and then you will be able
TO purchase some habit better suited to your
rank and calling"
THAT is more easily said than done, my
love, y he replied; 81 have lost all the money /
possessed; not single guinea Is left to pay our
expenses tonight. My watch, too. that so
dearly priced Miserable man that ami
Never mind your watch or anything else
jus, now, only pull of that mass of filth, i'm
plore you; who knows what horrid contapion
we may all catch il you persist in wearing its'
Take it of, dear papa, observed the
daughter; g but don't throw il away; /, may
lead TO the detection Of the wretch who robbed
you.
The obnoxious garment was removed. The
young lady was about to place it under the
reat when she heard juggling noise that at
tracted her attention, and, on examination found
secreted in various paris of the coat, not only
the watch, pocketbook, pulse and silver oil
which her father had been deprived, but a yell
ow canvas bag, such as is used by farmers,
containing about thirty guin,as.
The surprise and joy Of al parties may be
imagined. They reached the inn where they
proposed stopping for the night, and as the
Portmanteaus had escaped the dangers Of the
road, the bishop was speedily able to attire
himself canonically. Before the party retired
for rest, intelligence arrived that the highway
men had been taken after desperate Struggle.
-Char1ef Lar.
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

gle jewel from that glorious CROWN love
This hair Of yours very dearly, admit, but
only because Of iis connection with your divine
head. Sever that connection, and I shall
value !, no more than would a tail plucke,l
from It's native COW"
ms comparison seems to me very fine one
but tastes differ, and TO the Lady Capia /,
seemed quite the reverse. Rising Indignantly.
she marched away, her queue runningin through
the window and gradually tapcring of the in.
ieryiew' as il were. Prince Champion saw that
he had missed his opportunity. and resolved 10
repair his error Suaighiway he forged an
order on Beersheba for thirty yards oflove. lock
To serve this writ he sen, his business partner:
Tor the Prince was wont TO bcguile his dragging
leisure by ionsorial diversions Ia an obscure
quarter Of the town. Al frs, Bccrshela was
scepleal. but when he saw the writing in real
ink his scuples vanished, and he chopped off
the souvenir demanded.
Now Champou's partner was the court
barber, and by the use Of a peculiar hair oil
which the two Of them had concocied, they
soon managed to baden the pates Of all the
male aristocracy Of the place. Then, to sup.
ply the demand so created, they devised
beautiful wigs from the Lady Capilla's lost
ircsses. which they sold a, a marvellous profit.
And so they were enabled TO retire from this
narrative with good incomes
II was known that the Lady Capilla, who.
since the alleged murder oi one Bcershcba,
had shut herself up like hermit, OF lack
knife, would reenter society, and great ball
was given to do her honor. The beauty, rank,
and fashion Of Algammon had assembled in the
Guildhall for that purpose. While the rcvelry
was at its ferccst, the dancing at It's loosest,
the rooms at their hottest and the prespira.
ton at spring tide, there was sound Of wheels
outside, bcgetting an instant hush Of expecta.
ton within. The dancers ceased to spin, and
all the gentlemen crowded about the door
As the Lady Capilla entered, these instine.
lively fell into Two lines, and she passed
down the space between, with her little tail
behind her. As the end Of the latter came
into the room, the wigs Of the two gentlemen
nearest the door leaped off to join their parent
stem. In their haste TO recover them the two
gentlemen bent eagerly forward, knocking
their shining pows together with a vehemencc
that shattered them like egg.shells. The wigs
Of the next pair were similarly effected, and in
seeking to recover them the pair similarly per
ished. Then, eraok jtafi baSh lat every
step the lady took their were two heads that
beat as one. In three minutes there was but a
single living male in the room. He was an
odd one, who, having fat man opposite him,
had merely pitched himself headlong into his
stomach, doubling him up like a lemon
squeezer And taking all the breath out Of
the fat mans body, to the great benefit Of his
own.
1t was merry to see the Lady Capilla:: Floating
through the may dance that night, with ali
those wigs fighting for their old places in hel
pigtail-A. G. Bieyre.
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

bit, i must have been made Of twenty three
carat gold, for he had rubbed It against a stone
which turned out to be a tombstone, with the
properties Of which am familiar by expert.
ment. Lastly, by the marks which his shoes
left upon pebbles Of an other kind, was led
to think that his shoes were Of fine silver. -
All the judges admired Zadigs profound and
subtle disccmmcnt, and the fame Of It reached
even the king and the queen. From the ante
rooms TO the presence chamber, Zsdig's name
was in eveybody's mouth; and although many
Of the magi were Of opinion that he ought to
be burned as a sorcerer, the king commanded
that the four hundred ounces Of gold which Tie
had been fined should be restored to him. So
the officers Of the court went in with the four
hundred onnces; only they rc,aincd three hun
dted and ninety eight for legal expenses, and
their servants expected fees. --Volfai,r.
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

Now | respectfully submit that it demands
from me degree Of hlial regard to overlook
this most serious mistake of my parent; and il,
in view OF the crosses he has been compelled 10
bear through long life from the fact OF being
my father, might be disposed to not treasure
against hima personalresentment, I am certainly
authorized to contemplate the transaction Of my
grandparent, in selling us silver Lepine watch
with cylinder escapement running on jewels, for
eight thousand two hundred and eleven mi
lions five hundred and sixty-six thousand five
hundred and ninetytwo fine wooded and me-
rchantable Mcrino sheep, as a very questionable
transaction. Although blood is thicker than
water. | do not forget this over-sharp tran
saction of my Scoth ancestor, and if ! should
ever have child, and he should be boy,
shalname him Laban, after my maternal grand
father. Frank M Piricy, 1879.
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

have myself arrived at the age when can
appreciate wool and know the value Of sheep.
am now hfty-onc, very nearly fifty-two, years
old. Let us carry on the computation to the
age Of nineiy-two, 10 which there is. Of course,
every reasonable presumption that shall attain,
and it will be observed that, not disturbing my
fathers investment, and prcsuming that my
cousins, the Morrisons, would still find it to
their advantage to allow our sheep to remain
upon their estates, we shall see that our herds
will, when shall have attained my fathers age,
have increased largely. | continue the table,
starting with my present age, ffty.two years,
and, with S, 644. COS Merino fine wooded sheep,
it makes the following showing when shall
have reached ninciyye years ofage. In four years
from now | would have seventeen millions two
hundred and lightweight thousand two hundred
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15
4 snoRr nur yERy sArIsrAcroky rAlE.


In the city Of Algammon resided the Prince
Champion, who was madly enamoured Of the
Lady Capita. She returned his Affection
unopened.
lnthe matter OF back-hair the Lady CapillA
was blessed even beyond her deserts. Her na-
lural pigtiil was SO intolerably long that she en-
ployed two pages to look after il when she
walked out; the one a few yards behind her.
the other al the extreme end Of the line.
Their names were Dan and Beersheba. respect.
lively.
Aside from salaries to these dependents and
apart from these considerations OF macas-
sar, the possession Of all this animal hIamani
was financially Improbable; the hair market
Was buoyan,, and hers represented large
amount OF idle capital And Il was Otherwise
source Of annoyance and irritation; for all
the young men Of the city were hoily in love
with her, and skinnishing ios love-lock.
They seldom troubled Dan much, but the
outlying Beeuheha had an animated time Of il.
lie was subject to constant incuIsions, and
Was always in riot.
Although the lady Capla was unwilling to
reeiprccaie the passion o, Champou the man,
she vas no, adverse TO quie, interviews with
ChamPou the prince. In the course Of one Of
these, as she sal listening TO his carefully re-
hearsed and really artistic asowals, with be,
tail hanging out Of the window. she saddenl,
interrupted him;
MY dear Prince" she aid, Il, is all non
sense, you kno~. to ask fos my heart; but AN
ao, mean; you shall have lock a my hais. :
"n' you think" seplied The hiac<,
that could b % sosdid a TO accept : ain
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15
moving his boots.

moving MS DOOtss
Then tie po1y son-in -las. soaN met h. andbed
with Soalp- iadlt, iteTn,sd fer hoo hour, and
seaAifd AaLffo death saf1 boiling tea?
Oh. no.
BHf II he is 80 d;sSit1ted, 1oAy does Tie poe,
mother -law put mp NTH him?
Because he gives her daughter position.
HosO pofifion?"
Well. before marriage the mother Law was
very rich, bu, was not known in society.
val?
Now she is not quite so rich, but she Is
"known."
ZHroasA tie ION la1of
Exactly.
But The poev srLff-A<y daughter?
1t is the same with her.
Ayr Oey satiJded?
Quite So
Bat II getting into sosiety 30 ds5i,ablt thar a
girl 'srX NARY IncA man 10 acsemelish III
Yes. my precious.
Myi Bat Aelg for tie foo, girl ,g6o 1an
not marry JDeA m<nl
They are unfortunate.
Htpe Msr no e0nSOlationY
meagre one.
.dfd thar
They can die and 60 to heaven-fJevr
"Lgs's I" Popular Science Ca1eeAism.
Fi'5f tpideso-'' was happy with my first
husband I may be happy with second |
shall marry again"
Ssfond IPideso =" was no, happy with my
frs, husband. may have better luck with
second. l shall marry again.
TAiri IPiaea'-"I was happy with my FRS,
husband. unhappy with my second. | mus,
now play the rubber. l shall marry again"
Fi,sf visiospv-.I was happy with my
fis, wife-yes, very happy. ! could never be
happier. shall not marry again"
Steoni Jtidsvsy-s My married life was an
inferno upon earth. I am now free. No.
shall no, marry again"
Third VIiouxy--' did not lead very happy
life with my hs, wife it was worse still with
my second. am no, ansions to know what
third would be like. | shall no, marry
again. London WsrkL.
Elder Ssfey ito little one who appears TO
take great in,efes, in Mr.. skibbens -. Come,
little pet. il IS time your eyes were shut in
sleep"
LiAfk Rf--" Guess not. Mother told me
to keep my eyes open when you and Mr.. SIKH
bens we're together. "-PsSk.
Csfsme,--. Look here. this meat Is
tainted Its quite Offensive.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. ! think you're
night, but didn', tell yoa-I thought IL NIGH,
spoil your appetite. -. /s4s Bull
LsasIia!y--"I fear, Brigi,te, that these t~a
behring's are scarcely sufficient fos the ~hole
seven Of Us.
B,tgihs--" oui. madame. I rhoughi 70.
100. and sa added the heads II those We had
yesterday. Tx /4iss.
Jeannes,e. arc you goire to give INC
an'sher piece Of pies
Ma. What do you SAINT 10 kno~ FORE
JeanHss,e. Because Il You airt want To
eat this piece slowly.
pr'soass Who has been convicted At lezs
dozen tunes Is placed Il The bar.
"Youf honor, I shoad like TO have my ezse
posspoaad fos week. Ny ia~yes Is sick.
''Bas you were captured si,h pour hand IN
this gcnsienans pocket VIA, can yous
ooun>ei say in yoar d<l<as<r =
i Precisely, ysas 1902. Thai i shAs ava
curious 10 know"
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

WHaf ia Mitg
This, darling, is the son.in.law.
OIL he IL tie tfffim Of a mOfke,- in -lawY
Yes, dear, Of a rich mother. in.law, who sup.
ports him.
That Is i0hat makes him 10 hyed and
yicIelyS
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

Elder Sisfs, Ito little ono who appears to
take grea, in,eres. in Mr.. skibbens -. Come.
little pet. it IS time your eyes were shut in
Sleep"
Linlf Pct" Guess not. Mother told me
to keep my eyes open when you and Mr.. SIKH
bens we're together. Puck.
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

A Pr,soass Who has been convicted At iezs
dozen tunes Is placed Il The bar.
"Your honor. shoald like to have my ezse
pa~spoaad fos week. Ny ia~yes Is SICK"
''bas you were captured sish pour hand ia
this gcntienans pocket What can yous
counsel say in yoar d<ieas< =
Precisely, ysas hoeos. Thai ! sh4s ava
curious 10 know"
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

Jeannss'e. arc you goise to give INC
ansher piece Of pies
Ma. -wha, do you van, 10 kno~ FORE
JeanIsste- because Il You airt I want To
ca, this piece slowly.
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

Lspdia!y-"I fear, Bsigi,ie, that these i~a
behring's are scarcely suii'eien, ios the ~hole
seven Of U.s."
B,igiff<--" oui, madame. I rhought Nd.
TOO. and 81 added the heads II those We had
yesterday. - zA< /Hiss.
Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-03-15

mi HE ofher canse7
Well, he has been to dinner at the club.
Bnf sohy does he 20 home in fAat condition.
Because all the other places are closed.
Gyafions 7paat 5oiH his Dtoth<,-is Ian a, .
National Republican., 1884-02-27
THE BANK CASHIERS STORY.
A Carpet-Bag Filled with Coin That
Was Never Called for.
Chicago Nep

Chicago Neps.
Hardly ever" answered ono of Chicago's
Oldest bank cashiers to the query Of Daay
News reporter, who asked if such things as
unclaimed bank deposits were of frequent oc-
currence. "Where hs keeps his money" con.
tinued the banker, "is about the last thing O
IN an ever forgets. But sometimes depositor
shuffles off this mortal coil without remember
ing to leave his surviving relatives any Glow
whereby they can learn who were his bankers.
L his is to them q truly distressing state of
affairs, and it necessitates thorough search
of all the banks until the right one is found.
No, very few people forget where they keep
their money, or neglect to call for it sooner
or later.
"Hold on a minute" suddenly exclaimed
the cashier, as the reporter was taking his
leave, 1--WE got little story about re-
markable deposit once made here. That
was twenty years ago. 1t has been adver-
tised from Maine to California, but has never
been claimed. But the most extraordinary
circumstance connected with the affair Is
that nobody in the bank ever saw the de-
positor or issued him anything to show for
his money"
"How could that be?"
Just this way. That was in early times,
when banks here were very insignificant
affairs, compared with what they now are,
and there was, comparatively, SO little danger
of robbery that l used frequently to go
across the street to lunch. leaving the door
open and no one in my place. Well, one day
when came back from lunch l saw that some
ono had entered and left lying in the window
seat an old carpet bag. l gave it no notice,
thinking the owner would soon call. and
take it away. But he didn't come,
and the bag still lay there when
the time came for closing up l threw 1t
into the vault and went home. Several days
later the Office boy came across it and brought
it out, asking if he should throw it into the
ash barrel, as il appeared to be of no value.
We thought we'd open II first and SEQ IL it
contained any clew to its ownership or any
thing of value. l broke tho lock with a
paper weight, the bag flew open, and out fell
and rolled all over the floor shower of gold,
mostly in small coins. That was absolutely
all the bag contained, and there was $3.50
of it,"
"And nobody ever called to claim itP"
"They haven't yet, and | guess they are
not liable to at this late date, 1t struck us
strangely enough that any one should DO SO
forgetful about such matter, and, when all
our advertising was of no avail, we thought
it very strange indeed"
"What was done with -"
"What did we do with the money? Oh.
our new cashier employed il very adyan.
tageously in bringing his accounts into pre-
sentablo shape to lay before the board OF di-
reCtors."
Several bOokkeepers, who had been listen
ing in open -mouthed astonishment TO the old
cashiers story, grinned audibly at its appro-
PIRATE ending, and the reporter who hardly
knew what to say, said nothing and took his
leave.