davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27

Burlington Hawkeye.

The first thing you do when you 60
hunting with another boy is to guard
Yourself against accident. The best way
to do this is to shoot the other boy be-
fore he has time to load his gun. Then
take both guns to the nearest creek and
throw them in. Throw the powder and
shot in after them. If you bave any
matches about your clothes throw them
in also. Then start at once and 60 home
as fast as ever you can. And If you are
under eighteen years young, the chances
are even with these precautions, that you
will get both legs and section of your
back filed to the brim with bird shot be-
fore you reach home. ,.
How"
Goodness only knows, my son, j
don't. / have often wondered why it
did happen. but / never could ascertain.
/ am not here to advance ingenious the
ories, but merely to state cold facts, and
J know it to be solemn truth that a
boy, with q slngle-barrel gun twice as
long as himself. can manage somehow to
shoot himself in more places at once
than a man can do with seven-shooteI
revolver. And am / going to buy You q
gun? Yes. am; sometime in the Ions
vacation when time hangs heavily OF
my hands, and think would enjoy en-
tertaining you by picking shot out o
your legs with nut pick"
But you viii he very careful with II
i. So is woman very careful with an um
brella, my son, and yet science is unaol
|; to account for the startling incr ase
one-eved men every summer"
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27
A Young Girls Escape.
Pail Mali Gazette.

The following is the substance OF q
conversation with an "old trader" be-
tween Queensland and some of the Poly
nesian groups: There might be some
forty schooners 90 out on an average in
the course of the year TO some part or
other OF the South Seas. Money is not
yet understood by most of the islanders,
though they are beginning to take par
ticular notice of it. What they general
ly get is tobacco. pipes, calico, American
axes, knives. ETC., Sometimes, too, ! fam
cy the "boys" we get are sSld to us by
others who have captured them, and are
glad to get something for them. In .
few instances we pick up people who are
running away from enemies. This ls
not common but remember one case.
Two boats were lying off an island in
the usual way, the first close by the
beach With the "cover" boat little way
behind it, when beautiful young wo-
man plunged of q point OF rock into the
surf, and after diving under the heavy
breakers, reached the smooth water and
soon had hold Of the gunwale of the first
boat and sprang on board. In make
and shape she was one uf the finest
specimens of the human race ever seen
her features small and exceedingly regu.
lar, her eyes almost black, with long
lashes, and she had beautiful hands and
feet. Her head was all shaved, with the
exception of one tuft of long hair quite
on the crown of the head, which WA
rolled up tight in small tuft. She was
in perfect state of nudity, and as she
sat there unabashed, with her hand'
raised to her head. arranging her tutt
she was the most graceful creature l eve
While sitting in the stern sheets o
the boat, which was fast distancing th'
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27
TERMS: 800 iER iLlIn

Wait upon your customers politely.
courteeusly, kindly. Not with an obse-
quious air, but with the politeress that
comes from true kindness of heart.
Wait upon your customers with tact
that peculiar faculty in which are en-
bodied so many of the conditions of sue
cess.
A quick perception of the purposes,
means, tastes aud wishes of your custo-
mer is indispensable to the greatest sue
cess.
Lose no fitting opportunity for intro
ducing goods beyond those expressly
called for; you may give pleasure and in
formation to your customer, and often
double your sale.
Should an article be called for not then
in stock, admit it frankly, but quickly
offer substitute.
Wait upon your customer with decis-
ion and confidence. Never be obliged
to say, 81 don't know" as long as there
are means OF finding out. 1t i, your
DusluesS W KNOW.
Wait upon your customers cheerfully,
willingly. One may show goods with
patience, and with faultless politeness
30 far as acts 60, but with a shaded face
and martyr-like expression thoroughly
chilling to the purchaser.
We hear it said, "Well, | would not
buy of that one, al any rate; he seemed
so unwilling to show us anything" And
again, 81 bought it because he was SO
agreeable it was pleasure to buy from
bim."
Wait upon your customer with interest
and enthusiasm. How far to press a
point must be determined wholly by cir
cumstances. Ordinarily speaking, urg-
ing has no place in true salesmansnip.
LOCKERS" are, in the estimate of too
many salespeople, objectionable intrud-
ers; but remember that the pleased look
er of to- day may be the valuable pur-
chaser of to morrow.
Do not frighten away a tImid locker
with the question, Did you wish to look
at so and SOP" or, "Csn i show you any
thing?'
In nine cases out of ten the reply will
come, "Oh, no, thank you | was only
looking" Those questions imply pur-
chasing
Make a casual remark, such as, THAT
piece you have your hand on j. one of
the new spring shades; do you like it,"
Those laces have just come in; our Paris
buyer is sending us some beautiful ones
just now"
"The locker will pause. ready to see or
hear more, and give you the opportunity
to make her your purchaser.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27
A Foolish Fraud.
New Orleans Times Democrat.

New Orleans T1mee-Dem0orat.
"You would be surprised" said post
Office official recently. 'ff you could know
how frequently stamps are used a second
or even q third time. And what is the
most surprising thing about it is there is
no profit for the person using stamp the
second time, Is it requires more than 2
cents worth of application and ingenuity
to cleanse q stamp; but the loss to the
government is very considerable. l
would be content to receive q sum equiv
alent to that stolen from the department
every year in this way for my salary.
Postofice clerks by long practice become
very familiar with the appearance of
good and bad stamps. They acquire per-
haps the same degree of ability in the
detection ofthe irregularities as do clerks
who handle money, but in large offices
there are 80 many letters and the work
of cancelling is ofnecessity so rapid that
very few chances are offered for detection.
1t is only when letters are deposited in
offices where the mail receipts are small
that there is any considerable danger of
detection in using stamps second time.
But the use cannot be profitable; pack
ages or heavyweight letters having suf-
ficiently large hostage stamps on them to
Justify their cleansing for second use are
subjec. to somewhat rigid inspection
and fraud can be detected. As l said,
however, the use of smaller stamps a
second time is large enough to make
quite hole in the department funds"
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27
"Yes, father"

ayes, father"
"The bulls and the bears will diskiyer
that you are from the great corn belt re-
gion and you will be asked about corn
Now, William. when a bear makes in
Quiry of you tell him we're all baked out
by drought and corn won't be half a
crop"
II see."
"And when bull puts the same ques-
ton tell him that the warm weather is
making the corn grow until the noise
keeps us awake nights"
"Yes."
"But if anybody says beans to you
pause and consider. We haven't got a
hill of corn to worry over, but if you go
slumping around New York and give it
away that we've got twenty-five acres of
beans podding out like an alderman's
stomach you'll f1atten the price out and
keep us on sassafras tea all winter.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27

"Sammie, my little mamie, I'll war
rant you can tell who was the first man."
Sammie looked ashamed, and only gig
gled.
Come, Sammie, don't you know"
"Yeth'm."
"Well, then, tell me like a little man
ME-"
ut wath that little boy you nth to
play with, wathn't it?"
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27
WAITING.

l count the days
From east to west they softly go,
Silent and slow.
Green is the earth
With budding grass; the wondrous Dfrth
OF spring and hope, wide as 1t spreads,
New glory sheds.
The air is sweet;
Here snowy petals strew the street;
Here lean against the garden wall
The lilacs tall.
The world is dear
And rood; dare not shed tear.
/ sing my songs of love and praise
Owen Innsly.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27
william Didn't Peach.
Wall Street News.

He was about setting out on a journey
when the old man took him by the hand
and said: ,..
b civilian, my son, you are going TO
New York"
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27
Slips OF the Tongue.

Exchange.
One of our literary celebrities happen
ing, not long ago, to visit lady of his
acquaintance. found her engaged in
watching, with great interest, the freaks
ofa tame raven, hopping about the
room. "Come and see my purchase" she
said, Il bought him yesterday" ''In
memory ofEdgar Poe?" he asked. no.
she replied; you'll never guess why"
"l give it up" "Well, then, was told
that ravens live three hundred years so
thought 1 would buy one just to satisfy
myself whether they did or not"
The husband of the celebrated Ma.
dame Geoffrin was fond of reading, and
often had recourse to an obliging friend,
possessor Of a well-stocked library.
Wishing to peruse certain book of trav.
els, he borrowed the first volume, and
having finished it, took it back to the
owner and asked for the second, which
in fit of abstraction, he left on the Ia.
BILE. carrying away the one he had just
returned, and readIDgit over again with.
out perceiving mis- error. His vile see-
ing him deeply absorbed in the contents
inquired how he liked the work. 1T is
extremely interesting" he replied "but
it strikes me that the author is rather too
apt to repeat himself"
Shortly after the successful appearance
of He nrictta Sontag at the Italian opera
in Paris. a group cf young fashiCnables,
lounging before Tortoni's were in costa
cies about her, one extoling the charm
of her voice, and another her beauty.
"She is certainly very pretty" chimed
in a third, "but it is great pity that one
of her eyes is smaller than the other"
Smaller" exclaimed the most enthusi-
astic of the:party "mon ami, your opera
glass has deceived you. If you had said
larger than the other you would have
been nearer the mark"
On some one remarking to lady, the
strictness of whose educational system
was proverbial, that her children were
invariably dull and out of spiriss. "You
are quite right" she replied, "and yet
do all can to cure them of it, but the
more whip them the sulkier they leok.
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27
NEVER GROW OLD.
CHARLES MACKAY.

Looked in the tell tale mirror
md saw the marks OF care,
rsa crows feet and the wrinkles
And the gray in the dark brown hair.
NJ vife looked over my shoulder.
"Lost beautiful was she;
.FSou wit never grow old, my love" she said ;
Never grow old to me-"
.por are is the chilling OF hear,
And thine, as mine can tell.
Ia a. Young and warm as when nIst we heard
The sound Of bridal bellsV
I,nrned and kissed her ripe red Lips;
az Of time do its worst on me,
~ ip nv soul, my love, my faith
never seem old to theeT
Madison times. (Tallulah, Madison Parish, La.) 1884-1???, 1884-09-27

u viii now make personal canvass"
remarked the tailor, as he measured
himself for a pair of overalls.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1884-02-05
Oranges and Florida.
Better tIs:sn HBr~eZe~ :snd Bios SOM .
Under - New Flag.

Even the hllmy air and the orange groves of Flor
ida fail To keep lis people full Of happiness and
roInfoIt Art must help nature cverywhcre-vin the
tr"Iic, among the pines oi the North. ~ And
clt,cf among the lcssing- which adapted to all
zuurs writes DR.. j q Wallace Of Fort Dadc, Fla
rs PAnKEKs Tonic 1t seems To have the world
ion field, aud most ol the current diseases yield to
lis action. ! have used it in the of delicate
and d,sucpiic yuung lady. with the most gratifying
I,-ults 1t ~crmrd to accomplish with ease what
the usual prescriptions and treat ncnL for that mis-
.I,blr mlItdy failed wholly to bring about. am
also ylIi that the Tonic has greatly relieved
IN" i.rs ,n:illy uf troublesome atomic condition of
The stomach of long standing. II is the ideal puri-
cr and invigorant.
Mrs.rs lIscox ~ Co. call especial attention to
The fact that after April IT, 1852 the name and style
n this Urrpir iion will hereafter be simply Iarker
T.ic The w..rd "tiingrr is dropped, for the
Irl,on that unprinciplrd dealers are constantly de-
ccvn~ thcir patrons by substituting inferior prepa-
ration under the name of Ginger; and as ginger is
IN nuimporlant favoring ingredient in our Tonic,
ar sure that friends will agree with as to
the prupriIy ol the change. There mW be chdmge,
k0nc,pg in the preparation itself and all bottles re
,ining in the hands of dealers, wrapped under the
name Of "PARKEk's GINGER Tonic" contain the
genuine medicine if the signature of ilIsCox & Co.
is AT the bottom of the outside wrapper. Jan22 I'm
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1884-02-05
LEONA.

Leoua, the hour draws nigh
The hour we've awaited so long
For the angel to open door through the sky.
lhaf my spirit may break from its prison and try
lis voice III An Infinite song
just now as the slumbers of night
Come o er ine with peace giving breath
The curtain half lifted, revealed to IN, sht
Those windows which look on the kingdom OF
light,
That borders the river of death
And vision fell solemn and sweet
bringing CLEANS of a morning-lit land
saw the white shore which the pale waters beat
And heard the low ull AS they broke at their feet
Who walked on the beautiful strand
And wondered why spirits should cling
10 their clay with struggle, and sigh
When fes purple autumn is better than spring
And the soni fees away, like sparrow. t" sirg
In \ climate where leives never die.
Leona, come close to my bed
And lay your dear hand my brow;
The same touch that thrilled me in days that
And raised the lost roses of youth from the dead
Can brighten the brei moments now
thank the Great Father for this,
That our love is not lavisbed in vain;
Each germ in the future viii blossom to bless,
And the forms that we love and the lips that We
kiss
Never shrink at the shadow of pain
BY the light Of this faith am Taught
That my labor is only begun
In the strength of this hope havr struggled aud
fought
With the lrgons of wrongs, till nv armnr has
caught
The CLEAN OF Eternity's sun
LeOna, look forth and behold
From htnd-and, from hillside, and deep,
The day king surrcndtrs his banners OF gold
The twilight advances through woodland ana void
And the d"ws are beginning to weep
The moons silver hair lies uncurled
Down the broad breasted mountains away
On the walls Of the west o'cr the plains of the
world,
shall rise in limit dal
O come not in tears to my tomb
Nor lrlanI with trnil huwc.s the sod;
There is rest among roses too sweet for It's gloom
Aud life where lilie> etrrh.y bloom
In The balm breathing uarucns of God
Yet deeply those memories hurn
Which bind me- to Nuu and to earth
And sometimes have thought hat my hrn4 would
ycarn
In the bowers OF it, beautiful home to rctun
Aud visit the home OF ite blth
'Twould bc I,lcle ant to stay,
And walk 10y your side to the last :
But the land breeze of Heaven is beginning to
play
Lifr'a shadows are meeting Etcrnty> day,
And its tnmult is hushed in The pact.
Lc"na, good hl should the grief
That L. gathering now, ever hr
Foo dark for your faith You will long fol relief
And remember, the journey, though lonesome, is
brief
over lowlanI and river to me
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1884-02-05

President Arthur is winning . great manr
sions of interest and importance His speeches ore
never long, and never labored or pretentious, bat
always graceful, genial and pertinent Very few Of
just enough and no more, and saying 1t in such y 4
polished manner.-S Louis Globe Democrat
Mr.. Arthur is unquesionaby man of marked
oratorcal ability. He has developed wonderfully
since he dropped into the White House Whrn
he was participating in ward politics here Gia
speeches were not looked upon rs marvels of H..
fined thought. Now his little platitudinn1s Il
terances with his stomach against the edge of :,
dinner table are held to be gems of oratory, aid
even cobbler in this city is happy 10 advertise
himself as President Arthur's Shoemaker
Chester is growing and expanding beautifully
and II he would only write a sentimental poem H.
might 20 ringing down to pos,erity along win,
Hayes and other truly great men.-N p WorH
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1884-02-05

-F'itz John Porter-John's coat, of
course.
The balance of power-A big one in
the bank.
If | were in the sun, and you out of
it. what would the sun become Sin
Adma's Antics.
Paying dividends on watered stock
is now called Gel Mahdo," because it
is false profit"
- 1t is the man who undertakes to
match fancy yarns for his wife who comes
away from the store worsted.
-"I shall give you ten days or ten dol
lars" said the Judge. "All right" said
the prisoner, "Pll take the ten dollars -
"A fashion journal says: " Bustles are
coming to the front" If this is really 40
it will be difficult to find out whether a
woman is going out of church or in.
"A Hoboken man has asked for d.
vorce because moustache is sprouting on
his wife's lip. AS a rule, it makes man
mad to have any mustache on his wife's
lip but his own.
"Pa," asked little Blodgers of his pa
rent, what is paper made OFF" Lies :!
roared the elder Blodgers, who is running
for office, lies Internal, outrageous, vii
lainous lies y" And the innocent boy
wrote it down that way in his compost
tiOn.
An old Scotchman attributes the dis
appearance of ghosts from the Scottish
moors to the custom of tea drinking al
social meetings. 1t requires Scocth whisky
on the top of old ale to enable man t.
really see ghost worth talking about.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1884-02-05
Charity is first mortgage on every
human beings possessions.

Charity is a first mortgage on every
human beings possessions.
livery man is miserable sinner in
cburch, but out of church it is unsafe to
say much about it, except to a small man
Father Of family, reading" There
is eat in Manchester that drinks beer"
Daughter (sixteen) =" Pa, she must be a
Maltese cat "
=" In this world" says Chamfort," :"
lyon have three sorts of friends-those
who love you, those who don't care pen
ny Tor you, and those who hate YOU"
Saln1 J. Tilden, of New York, has a
new $4,000 dinning room and an old To-
cent appetite" P. S.-This brief note
was sent in by reporter on daily pa
per, who has lO-cent dining room and
$40, O,Oooappetite.
=" You seem depressed, dearest 4"
Anything in the paper P" "Yes; Carpe
has ! been Pralslng me again, confound
him " "Well, dearestl' "Well, YOU
know what an envious old chap he is If
I'd done anything really good he'd be
down on me like a Thousand of bricks /"
- Pmc,.
Smith met Brown on the avenue with
his bride. They have just returned from
their wedding tour. "Where are they going
to livr?" {" don't know. He told me
ne had been house-hunting since yester-
day morning, and intended to take a fat"
" All! indeed He has then decided to
follow his wiie's example"
The Boston Courier asks if our dumb
animals are ever of the feminine gender.
Oh, Yes, there's Ella Phant, Aunt Elope.
the little deers. and lots of others.-Ne,o
York commercial Advertiser. Not to
mention Anna Conda, Allie Gator. Sally
Mander, the Mol Usks, Polly Wog, Liz
Ard, ct al Philadelphia Bulletin.
=" Now, Mr.. Lawyer" said the dying
man, want you to fix it in my will so
that my son Joe won't get cent. He is
worthless fellow, and will spend his
money in week" "Oh, that's all right"
said the lawyer. politely: "I'll take care
OF it. I'll see that he dosen't get any,
thing" And he didn't. Neither did any
body else.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1884-02-05
/, NEW COMEDY OF ERRORS.

A remarkable story comes from st.
Helena, Oregon, which is vouched for by
the Portland Orego"iam. About six
months ago twin brothers-Alfred and
Henry Grove-arrved from Kansas and
settled near ST. Helena. There was a
very strong resemblance between them
in fact, so strong that intimate friends
could scarcely tell one from the other.
Henry was married, but his wife was liv-
ing in Kansas. He soon made the ac-
auintance of the family of John Avery,
living near, including their daughter, Lot
tie Avery, aged nineteen. One night,
about FIVE meeks ago, in Jest he asked her
to become his wife, and to his utter sur
prise she accepted, informing her mother
Immediately. The mother, in practical
way, broached the subject of the date of
the marriage, eto, and before Grove could
recover from his surprise the details had
heen arranged. He Immediately went to
his brother Alfred, told the story, and
asked for advice Alfred volunteered to
personate the brother and stand for him.
The ceremony took place October 2lst,
the couple remaining at the house OF the
brides parents. Alfred fell in love with
the girl. and week after the marriage
told of the deception. In her indignation
she ordered him from the house She then
informed her parents, aud the father
started after the son-n-law with shot
gun, and followed Alfred to Portland,
where he is supposed to have fed.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1884-02-05

wy, brcss me, Miss Simmons, Won
pears ter be in a mighty hurry dis NAV
nm.
"Il's right, yer is, Uncle Nose, Ize got
a power a biznis to tend To. We's gwine
to hab n pahty down to our house, an |
wants Yer fur to come"
Al right .I.ile, ri hn I4r -hnah
Who's gwint to he invited"
"Oh, cverybody watts got any 'tenshun
to bcin' tust class"
Boiver Smii's folks
"Ncs."
can Juniper Jones y"
YES"
"An' de Bucktown gang"
son, yes.
"An' Caprcshns .Johnsings' -
No, dry's lel' out"
"IIuh. WY, Miss Simmons, how's
dat ?"
"'Cause dis yer pahty's gwine to be
Sclcc', an on'y de 'stocracy's gwine t" be
'vtcd We can't low too much mixin' ob
low down niggers wild de tust family
blood, mohow Dem .Johnsings want
nuthn' bnt common hel' hans fore de
wah."
eyes, but now dey owns a tater patch
an a cow
"Dat's SO, Uncle Nose didn't tink
ob dat Reckon wen hab to let 'em in.
If dcy'S got cow dat's makesa diff
renee"
"IIow about dem Cacks -
Huh Dcy amt got no COW, ls dey -
No."
"Dcn dat settles hit Dey can't come
| tells you, Uncle Nose, s'clety's got to
purtect Itself
"Dat's right, Miss Simmons, eff de ole
cullcd 'stocracy didn't look out monsus
pcert, de fust ting dey knowed de'd hab
some oh de poor wife trash a-comin' to
drir pahticS Good mawnin', Miss Sim
mons BE mighty keerfnl bout dem in
wites."
"Ize gwine to, Uncle Nose. We has
to make 'stinction somewhere. Reckon
we'l draw de line on de COW. Good
mawnin"
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1884-02-05
From the Waldo Advertiser.l

From the Waldo Advertiser.
1t matters not who the next Governor may be,
whence he may come, provided he he a man nf
fixed convictions, honest purpose and with sniff
cient stat aesmanshp to manage the helm. 1t is
not time either for the demagogue p6i;-
ical dude to bob to the surface Such a n;ar
will inspire neither confidence nor enthusiasm,
but on the other hand he will lead disprited
forces TO Iororn hope. We have good men an,.
true throughout the State eminenty fitted to tll
the gubernatoral chair who will administer The,
affairs OF State well, lend a new impetus to our
material prosperity, and give to Florida that IN
portance in the sisterhOod Of States that 1t mer
its We therefore urge upon cur friends to dis.
card all sectional or personal bias and let 1s
unite in one grand effort to bring forward The
right man at the right time, and immolating all
our differences upon the altar of State pride elkct
him.