The Arizona champion., 1884-07-05
A TRANSPORTATION SCENE.

"Well, said MT. Bangaround, 10 ms lifelong helpmate, as he threw his hat and coat on the sofa, "what have we for dinner to-day? Something for change, hope"
 "We have-we have" repeated his better half, with her sweetest smile {; "we have nice bread and butter, nice potatoes, nice"
 "Tut, tut, tut" said Mir. B., waving his hands in frantic manner, "1 sup pose you would have said nice knives and forks, nice plates, nice sugar, and gone on till you reached your nice table, nice room, nice carpet, and nice Lord knows what if l hadn't stopped you. Now, what l want to know is-what kind of meat-if meat-you have for dinner; how is it cooked. Boiled, [, roasted, pie, or how?" and Mir. B.. seemed quite out of breath, he had de- livered himself so rapidly.
 "DoA't excite yourself, dovey," said Mrs. B. soothingly, eve have nice"
 "Nice be-hanged," exclaimed her loyal lord, "we'll take the nice for granted. We'll suppose the nice under stood. What have-we flor - din ner? ?" in q slow and unmistakably earn est tone.
 "Augustus, dear, we have nice green pork and cabbage, and"
 "I knew it, knew it." he said in a very angry tone. "Pork again; always pork When you go to market you are oblivious to all but the pork butcher" I"
 "But Augustus, dear, we had chicken yesterday, steak the day before, oysters Wednesday, and green shoulder Tues day" said she, apostrophizing the days on her fingers.
 "Pork pork pork! !" articulated Mr. B., vehemently, not noticing her re- marks. "I suppose I'll soon have trichine or scurvy. l would not be surprised to wake up some morning GOV cred with bristles and strong desire to cultivate an appetite for acorns and snakes"
 "I'm sure that would be better than cultivating an appetite for whisky and the low society of club rooms," insinua- ted Mrs. B., mildly, though now greatly rufiled.
 "As to that cabbage" continued he, only noticing her remarks with dark frown; "as to that cabbage" he repeat ed, "I smelt it when l was four blocks away. l at first thought there was dead horse in the neighborhood; but as l neared the house l at once knew that you had bought more cabbage from that Dutch farmer. Ii you'll take my advice you'll go out and spread it around your rose-bushes. It will certainly keep them through the winter" and Bang around smiled at his own joke.
 Mrs. B. strutted across the floor a la majestic, and heaving mournful sigh deposited herself in rocking chair, and picking up a newspaper feigned to be deeply interested.
 ooh, woman, woman, woman" con tinued MT. B. abstractedly, "put on this earth to cause men so much trouble and pain. Oh, wicked woman--made from the rib of man"
 "If one rib is so bad, what must the whole man be-" said Mrs. B. blandly, and the rocking chair went up and down quick and often.
 There is no telling how it would have ended had not the knight of the kitchen ushered in Mrs. Loansome, the next door neighbor, who wanted to know if Mrs. Bangaround would be SO kind as to loan her the morning paper for a few moments.
 "My dear" said Mr. B. to his wife, chad you the paper this evening""
 "Augustus, dear, l think had it up stairs I'll go for it.
 "No-no-no," said he. "I know my little woman has been on her feet all day-I'll go for it."
 "Now, Augustus, dear" she replied, locking just too utterly utter sweet, I won't allow you. know you must be very tired after your arduous days work, and you need rest so much."
 "Don't be mad with me dovey, but as a man, l cant allow you to over-cxert yourself and make yourself sick-I'll go."
 And as he disappeared up stairs Mrs. Bangaround took occasion to remark to Mrs. LoansOme that che was such good husband. Always satisfied with everything she did; never grumbled, and so easy to rlease."
 Mrs, L., having obtained the paper, went home, thinking all the while what a happy couple the Bangarounds were how well mated, and SO loving 1 Washington Hatchet.