South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1884-05-23


Young man., said the landlord, Il al.
ways eat the cheese rind.' And the
new boarder replied, Jus. so; I'm leav.
ing this for you
After looking at the picture Of a spout
ing whale for long while little boy
turned to his uncle and pointing to the
picture said Uncle Ned can't he sneeze
an awful long way.
HoNoRs AT WnoLEsALE.-Iti is said
that while Rev. James Keene, generally
referred to by the boys as Jim Keeue,
was resident Of the Pacific coast, q
rongh-looking specimen Of the Califor.
MIA farmer burst in upon him one day
with:
say, Kurnel. my wife has got a
brand-new baby, and we've named il
Jim Keene Thompson
Yes slowly answered the reverend
gentleman, as no passed over twenty
dollar gold-piece.
In about an hour another man from
the same neighborhood entered with the
salutation:
Say, Keene, what do you think? We
have built church up our way and nam
cd it the Jim Keene chapel. Can't you
come down with sinner or two p
well. 1 suppose I'll have to- replied
the reverend, as ho shelled out a ten
dollar piece.
Thirty minutes had scarcely passed
when in came third man with:
Good morning, Judge. We are build.
lug school.houso over the creek o DO
called the Jim Keene school. Want to
contribute few ?
Yes was tho reply. and five dol
lars was passed out.
IL wasn't over twenty minutes before
a fourth man hustled in and called out !:
'Keene, l discovered a new canyon up
the country the other day. and l dedi-
Gated it to yoa.'
Look here said the reverend gentle
man, as he turned in his chair: Il want
you TO 60 back AMI hunt up all the new
babies, school-houses, churches, trot-
ting-horsea, canyons, lunatic asylums,
backgrounds and berry patches in your
county which are TO be jim Keened and
come back here and give me the whole
lot at wholesale, for I'm BANKED if
am going TO fool with the retail bust
ness any longer Good day, sirv-
Wall Street News.
Mono PRoPERT UNCERTAIN.-ue
ry A. Wise told the follow ing story while
he was in Washington during the know
nothing excitement: A negro fisherman
In Norfolk, Va, came Que day to his
master and said, 'Massa, want to buy
myself free. got $500. sir; Twill pay
you that down, and glib you de rest when
l mex um.' Very we'll, Tom said his
master, you rave been faithful fell
low, and L will comply with your wish
The money was accordingly paid aud
the inchOate freedom Of Tom commen-
ced. a few days afterward Tom went
out to fish in company with fellow
servant, and there came up a blow which
capsized tho fishing smack ond drown
cd Toms companion. The next day
Tom came to his master and said: Mas
50, change my mind, sir; don't want
to buy myself any more, SIR why
Tom said his master, SOU have alrca.
dy paid large portion of your price,
and 10y industry in your profitable call.
ing you will soon earn and pay The resi-
due, and you had better carry out your
original intention No massa,' was
Toms economical rejoinder, L RAIDER
hob my money back; niger property
too unsartin, sir Matters were accord
ingly put in statu quo, and Tom aban-
doued all chance of being freedman,
and quietly and voluntarily returned to
the condition Of slave, but unwilling
10 fish, on his own hook, in the troubled
and perilous waters of freedom.
After telegraph pole had fallen or q
Savannah negro's head he threw up his
hands and shouted: Don't hit mo agin,
Massa Pliceman it wasn't me da, stole
de chickens; it was Deacon Henry
Then, looking around and seeing what
struck him, ho walked Off mut,cring TO
himself: 'Golly, Use in luck dis morn,
in. | 'spected dc p'liccman bad mo
suah dat time.
a man wishing us to discontinue
sending him our paper, writes: Il thinl,
fowks ottcnt TO spend ther mummy fur
paypers, my daddy didn't and everybody
sed he was the most intelligentcst man
in the COUNTY and had the smarlest ia.