davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11
Her DlYorce Wash Like Her Mas and Her
Sisters.

Louisville Courier Journal
"Do you know" questioned prom
lnent lawyer the other day, "that di-
vorces run in families ?"
The writer admitted that he knew
nothing about divorces, and that in
that regard he stood on the platform
occupied by Artemus Ward on the sub
Jet OF baby clothes-he didn't want to
know anything about them particular
ly.
"Once | procured divorce for a
lady, and when | took the precious doc
ument she was so anxious to receive to
her home she at first received me-and
the document-with every manifesto
ton of delight. handed her the copy
of the judgment of the court releasing
her from the bonds that had grown irk
some, and very pleasant light shone
in her eyes. Opening the paper, she
glanced hurriedly over it without read
ing word, and instantly her whole ex,
preston changed, spitefully:
" "'Take the hateful thing back l
will not have it.
81 was surprised, of course and,
with thoughts not wholly unconnected
with my unpaid fee, l asked what had
caused this sudden change in her de-
sires.
81 won't have it because it's not
like mas and sisters, snapped the
lady.
81 took steps to learn the family fash
ion in divorces, and was informed that
her mothers and sisters documents
had red paper on them. saw at
once the difficulty. The clerk of the
court had impressed his seal into the
paper. | returned to his office. had
him to arrange his most gorgeous red
paper seal, and procuring bit of blue
ribbon, we tied it in a true lovers
knot, and affixed the two to the docu-
ment. Returning to the house of my
capaicious client, she was delighted
with the new arrangement, especially
when told her that the lovers knot
was the happy suggestion of the clerk
of the court, who was a bachelor. !
am afraid my fee was increased little
on account of that red paper and blue
ribbon, but | have pleasant recollec
tion of sundry crisp 800 bills l took
away from my clients home that day
You will admit now that sometimes di
vorces hunt even IN triplets,'
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11
The Oldest Member of Congress,
in Age and Service.
A BRIEF SKETCH OF HIS LIFE

In our last weeks issue we gave a
portrait of the youngest member of
Congress, and as sequel, we give this
week an excellent likeness Of the old.
est member of the House, the Hon.
VIM. d. Kelley, of Philadelphia.
Mr.. Kelley was born at Philadel-
phia April 18th, 1914, and Is there
fore nearly seventy years of age. He
received a very thorough English edu-
cation aud began life as a proof reader
in printing Office in his native city.
After few years service in this capac-
ity he became an apprentice in jew
elry establishment Having learned
the trade he removed to Boston where
he worked five years as journeymap
jeweller he then returned to Phila-
delphia and began the study of law
and in the course of time entered the
profession, also devoting himself to
various literary pursuits.
Mr. Kelley was twice elected Pros
ecuting Attorney of the city and coun-
ty of Philadelphia, and served for ten
years as Judge of the Court Of Com.
mon Pleas of that city was a delegate
to the National Republican Conven-
tion at Chicago in 1860, and one OF
Lincoln's heartiest supporters. He be-
came the Republican candidate for the
Thirty. Congress and was elect
ed, and has been returned consecutive
ly every term since his first election, by
an average of about ten thousand over
his Democratic opponent.
Mr.. Kelley has been and still is q
conspicuous figure in our National Leg
islature, his utterances commanding a
prestige consistent with his long ser.
, vice and varied experience in public
life. His greatest ambition is to con
tinue during life in his present position
as representative from Philadelphia
and his constituency will no doubt &C
cord him this honor.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11

rosy kissed me S her eyes was al red
& she sed teddy deer they are break
ing my hart &c promised Her wen
grow up will lick them al.
81 like Rosy pretty well considerin
she is my Sister. pa & ma was shut
up in the literary u pa had lots of lit
tie papers on the label
"IIe said look at them.
"dresses, bonnlts, fneary, jewelry, /
kant pay them tell you we are livin
beyond our menes. So is every bod,
says ma but the girls will marry well
says pa look at rosy she is now in low
with that good looking RASCAL on ~
hundred year.
"She shant have him says ina now
don't be brute and cut down expens-
sis perhaps 10 is a Stingee ole kur says
pa, ~ if he knows we are He'd and ears
over in dot he wouldn't leve Ted a
sent.
81 don't want a sent pa says / five
sents aint much & one sent aint moth
in and uncle jo is an old bare says l..
send the boy tc skool he makes me
Graz Zy says pa & ma kissed me in a
hurry & push me Long to the dore.
"pa had his he'd buryed in his hand
IL kept sayin' rooined, rooined, and all
for appearances So i am tired of riting
such a long Compersishen and the
coachman took me bac to skool 81 that
is all i know Bout new years"
Uncle Joe quietly folded up the
scrawl, aud looked out from under the
thatch of his eyebrows at Hedge, who,
| glancing at Lou, and seeing she was
dangerous, silently left the room and
the house. Sorghum followed also po.
litely escorted to the door by Uncle
Joe's steady gaze. The method failed
with Fred Tremaine, for the look only
sent him as far as Rosie's side, where
he sat down with determination. Mrs.
Gloss was sobbing hystericaly, and her
husband seemed inclined to drop down
dead.
SWELL" Uncle Joe began, "well,
aren't you pack of idiots to sacri-
flee your comfort and honesty for this
wretched show OF fashionable life
Now, I've always disappointed you in
the money way, and III do it still >
Mr. Sam Gloss trembled. "Ill do ii
still; for you think I'm going to see you
go to ruin, and l won't. l will look over
matters with you, Sam, and find out
how l can put you on your legs again.
But stop this high-pressure living, aud
give this girl, Rosie, to Tremaine, who
is a good fellow, if he is poor"
Rosie and Fred tried to say some
words of thanks, but, failing to do jus.
tice to their feelings, consoled each
other by clasping hands.
"There is worse misery than power
ty," Uncle Joe went on, "and Miss Loo
had better cast about for some boy at q
thousand dollar salary, for no more
brokers will desire her dowry to mend
their capital. AS for Ted, and Uncle
Joe rose to go into the library with his
brother-"he's an example to all young
writers-exact, truthful, impartial. ]
value his manuscript l shall keep him
in pocket money and make him my
heir
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11

The project of flooding the Sahara,
and thus opening up Central Africa to
commerce and civilization, appears to
be reviving-the opinion still being
urged by geographers and engineers
that, if the water of the ocean could
thus be let into the desert, the climate,
the soil, and the sanitary condition
would all be improved. Though near
ly two.thirds as large as Europe, and
containing some two hundred million
inhabitants, the only means of commu-
nication with the rest of the world lies
in the caravan tracks. In the Sahara
desert there is remarkable depression
covering an area of about 60,0O0 miles,
this depressed portion being known as
Elijuf, and said to extend from within
twelve miles of the seashore to regions
in the close neighborhood of Timbuc,
too. The theory of both ancient and
modern geographers has been that
Elijuf was originally filled with water,
which flowed into the ocean, but that,
a bar having gradually formed at the
entrance, the flow inward was stopped
and the heat of vertical sun caused
the inside water to eyaporate. The
practIcabllity of reopeniug this ancient
channel is the great question.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11

If it is an open winter ice will be
high next summer, and if it is a severe
one coal will be high until spring.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11
Continued. from last peek.)
How Watch Cases are Made.

1t is fact not generally known that the
James Boss Gold Watch Gases really con-
tain more pure gold than many "solid"
gold cases The demand for these watch
cases has led to the manufacture of very
poor grade of solid gold watch cases
low in quality, and deficient in quantity.
These cases are made from AZ to 10 karats,
and or karat case is often sold for II
or IA karats. 1t is NOT economy to buy
watch case SO poor in quality that it will
soon lose its color, or one so soft that it will
lose its shape and fail to shut tight, thus
letting in dust and damaging the works, or
one SO thin that slight blow will break
the crystal, and perhaps the movement.
1t is economy to buy James Boss Gold
Watch Case, in which NONE of these things
ever occur. This watch case is not an erperi-
ment-it has been made nearly thirty years.
HAzLETos, Pa, Oct. "a, 1882.
sold two James Boss Gold Watch Cases thirty
years ago. when they first came out, and they are in
good condition yet One of them is carried by
carpenter, Mr. L. W. Drake, of Hazleton and only
shows the wear in one or two places; the other by
Mr. Bowman, Of Cunningham, Pa. and can pro.
duce one or both Of these cases at any time
SYLVESTER ENGLE, Jeeeier
Send cent stamp Keystone Watch Factories, Pha
deiphia Pa, handsome illustrated
James Boss and Keystone Watch Cases arc made.
(To b Contintl<d)
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11
o o o @ y o @ o @ g o Q . o Q .
CO @ Q Q D G @ o O @ o O O 9 Q
Silver Plated Ware.

Modern inventions have great
ly improved the manufacture Of
Silvcr-Platcd Ware, and skilled
designers have contributed large
ly to the attainment of the pres
cnt symmetry in shapes,
Our Tea Sets, Dinner Services
and Flat Ware, such as Knives,
Forks and Spoons, have the ap-
pcarance and finish of solid sill
vcr. In these the assortment is
at all times large and complete,
The productions Of all promi-
ncnt makers will be found repre-
scented in our stock. In the
higher grades we particularly re-
commend the Hard Metal wares
of the Gorham Co.
We cordially invite an cXami-
nation Of our stock, feeling con-
iil!ent that the moderate prices
prevailing, cannot fail to give en-
tire satisfaction to every one.
]. l., CALDWELL & Co.,
9o2 Chestnut ST., Philadelphia.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11

Pearl street, New York, is the crook
edest street in the world. 1t is a mile
and half in extent, and yet its curves
are so incessant that you cannot in any
place see more than two squares ahead,
1t intersects Broadway twice, forming
a hall circle whose arc is nearly one
mile in length,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11

"This is new wrinkle" as the
maiden said, on consulting her mr.
ror.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11
RATss OF AovrsrIsINq,

Yearly advertisements payable quarterly. Tran
slent advertisements must be padfo before Insert
I'd except where parties have accounts.
Legal advertisements two dollars per Inch for
three insertions, and at that rate for additional
Insertions without reference to length.
Executors, Administrators, and Auditors notices
three dollars. Must be paid for when Inserted.
Transient or Local notices, ten cents line, regu-
lar Advertisements half rates.
Cards in the Business Directory column, one
dollar year for each line.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1884-01-11

Judkins when asked why he was
moving out of house the other day,
said that he had been brought up to
the belief that pay.rental authority
must be oboyed, no matter how much
he was put out about it.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04
If not paid in advance, $l.25

The Rev. Geo II. Thayer, of Biurbon
Ind. says; Both myself aud wife owe our
lives To Shiluh's Consumption Cure" Sold
bv W F Blery, Welssport, aud c I Horn,
Lehighion
Are you made miserable by indigestion,
eonsIipation, dizzlness, loss ol appetite, vel
low skin9 Shiloh's .Vital1rr Is a pnsItive
cure. Sold by W F Bisry, Wsisspjrt, aud
c 7 Horn, Lehighton.
Why will you cough when shiloh's Cure
will give immedisre reliei. Price 10 cents,
SO cents and 81. Sold bv W Bery,
Weissp"rI g T Horn, Lenishtou.
Sbluh's Catarrh Remedy "a positive
cure fer catarrh, diphtheris, aud canker
month Sold by W F B,ery, Wers.port ,and
Z T Horn, Lehghtou,
"Hsckmetack" lasting and fragrant
perfume. Price 25 aud 80 certs. Slli nv
W Blery, Weisspou, aud g T Horn, Ls.
hightun.
ShilOh's Cure will Immediately relieve
cr"un, whooping cough aud bronchitis.
Sold ny W + Biery, Weissp,r; Q T Horn,
Lehight0n.
For dysrepsis and liver complaint, you
haye1 printed guarantee on every bottle
OF Shil"h's VItaizer. Il never fails u cure.
Sold by W F Biery, Welssport; Horn,
Lrbightou.
A nasal injector free with each bottle o,
Shil0h's Cat rrh Remedy Price So cnnts
Sold by W F Berry, Weissport, T Horn,
LehightUn.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04

An hour later, when Bubbie, Frank,
aud Eugene. were snuRly tucked in bed,
in the spacious nursery upstairs, Mrs.
Audley told her husband why she was 80
interested in the tate of man whom she
had not seen for twenty years.
That's right, my little wife," replied
her husband, folding her fondly to his
breast, when the simple tale was con-
cluded. Never forget one who WAS
kiud TO you iu the days when you needed
xii dnesS most
Ralph Moore was sitting in his poor
lodgings beside his Siling wife's sick-bed
when lIverIed servant brought him "a
note from the rich banker, Mr.. Charles
Audley.
&c cd news. B, rtba," he exclaimed,
Ms be read the brief words. ave shall
not starvr; Mr.. Audley promises me the
vacant ii uation.
'You hnve dropped something from
the letter. r lph." said Mrs. Moore,
pointing to Flip OF paper ON the floor.
Moore stooped to recover the estray.
II was II fitty.dollar note, neatly folded
in II piece OF paper, on which vas writ
tell: ''In grateful remembrance of the
money that II kind stranger bestowed on
Il l'r g chestnut girl twenty years ago"
Ralph Moore bad thrown his morsel
Of bread upon the waters, and after many
days il had returned to him.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04

Lightning hIuck WHISKY dis'illery
In Kentucky last week and thsn rAu
along II Telegraph wire, The result was
at all tue telegraph operators on that
line are still bowling 1ruLk.
A Harlem gIrl Alnle right in front
OF an Ice cream sHloon,un H. gone cesr
hack On her ioG,r because he ia hsr
carried TO drug stone across the str, Ct
instead vi into the saloon.
My mother began gairing from the first
dose she took uf Dr.. Graves HeArr Regu {.
tor. She 10 -id at those bad feeling, alb "a
her heart now, the rellel is urtmaneli
other remedies uuly helped inr ev
minutes. Mlss Clara Bradt, Lawtuu, Men
81 per bottls at druggists.
- Tue hani tnat rocks the cradle il
the haud th It moves the world" Per.
maps that's So, but it can't stone h,n
ont of the garden with any oy,rshadov.
ing - ccess.
M st of h. cheap daily newspaper
cnts of great man nowsdnys |. ok us If
they had been knocked out by /, ia-
o. ter after th- sub jsct bad Lmpired
game nj has ball.
ACKER'S BLOOD ELIXER Cnnran'e,d =.
will cure all kinds al, blood prrsunlny in.
herited or contracted. S"ld by Dr.. norn,
L"highton, aud " Berry, wrissport,
II. is alSays un'ortunnie to have 10
music in ones soul, Oily imagine The
unfortunate plight of \ man just NV
who ls "a verse to u camg sigu song.
~ Nov York travei-g salesman has
m ,rr cd hpbok n dressmak r. a
d'nmmer aud luter III one family
ougrt t. m Ike it rather llIrly tor the
neIghbDrs.
my daughter has taken the meiiclns
faithfully, acc,rinI to dirscti ms. ana her
hea III aud sWrts ara n,w p,rfsct. The
humor haS all gon, from her iaco. wish
every anxious mother to know whtt a
bIsssiag Ayers Sarsaplrila is in such cases
"A nap.sAck--A rlillw.
III HineSt tea is the best policy for
tea Store.
--"Dre,s does not m Ike the man" but
II makes the women-suPTemely happy
% edorsn notice that a ear window
il anything / ke an rysI,r nn,ll hs 'rirs
to pea lt.
-AleAe angs snys; President Arthur
ian, sasl y" ", Chel used TO be n
county -ch olutsr'r
Ackrr's Celebrated English Remedy ior
Coughs. Colds aud Consumption. Sold for
~ IN guarantees by DR. Horn, Lrh!gh'on,
aud W Birry, Weis-port.
Il lean young man who fill In lHv'
with = very d shy y'uug Woman confess
ed hat he was iun utt-i.
The b - On girl is consiierel acc 'u-
plisbei when size can suc,5s wlIAou
dropping II her eyeglasses.
"A Barli ,gton mother has a special
room Tor adm iniStering corporal punish
u mt on her children. she calls 1t h,r
hax office.
A man who sleeps at a lodging g-hous
in the West End cali, his uvighhor's dog
Tree, :bcoAuss its bark 10 all on Ii
outside
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04
H. V. MoRTHIMER, Jun'r, Publisher.
FORTUNE TELLING.
BY CARL TIA PERRY.

Will he come this year-will he come the
nexiH
will he cmme TO day7 She lightly blew
With sweet red lips the thistle down,
Whispering, tell me-oh, tell me truel
Does he love me well.-does he love me
wellH
No doubt in her heart the maiden knew;
But in whispers soft she said again,
Thistle down, thistle down, tell me true !
For every maid in the wide world knows
That sweet, sure prophecy. Dolly drew
Her little mouth iuto rosebud shape,
Saying, oh, thistle down, tell me truel
Yes, he loves you well. Oh, ho loyes you
we'll
Wnen will he Gomez He will come to-
dayl
This is the answer the thistle down
Gives to her heart, as 1t flies away.
Aud Dolly that night, at the garden gate,
Aud Harry, the farmer brave and brown ,
Look Iuto each others eyes and say:
"A prophet true is the thistle down"
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04

Toe eGpvct..IDu 10 tnaI Tue u 'rmin
:. u isnis,iu their convention usx, mon b,
viii pronounce against dn, ling.
boston is aghast At tue disc ry
that Trinity Tu .nsle, IN front Vi Ler
Mu,-un OF Fac Arts is not rubtie
properly. A tall agartmeut house 10 Le
ing b ait thereon.
Il p,mpllvt called ID Iwn with EGG
Land IL tue work Ola RIaslan. who cool
ly enumerates among Tue many Astoulsh-
ing tuIugs which are ~ happen when
Great Bnlain has beeu klOcksd Ou the
nead tue delivery VI Belgium 20 Ffauee.
-HIg Birthol, H,mbrrg clerk. nas
just completed tue longest 0lrycls jour
uey ou record, Ia t=n weeks aud fvr
days no vsrei 2 sou GermLu miles In-
oludIng several long SgTet01eS aeToss
m6uDtIis ranged.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04
The Faded Leaf,

Our vis-a.vls Mt the tabl was tall, elder.
ly gentleman of soldi,ry aPpeararce,
who was always spoken nj aS tue ms n
He had evidently been very handsome
man indeed he was handsome slIll, his
halr and mus,ache were prrlecty white,
forming II marked contrast with his com.
plexlon, which was extremely dark. as il
tanned by long r. sidence under trophi-
cal sun. hink / was frat attracted to
him by noticing that his French WAS
even worse than our own. Sunday eve-
nIng after our arrival we went. rs in
duty bound. to the little English church
III an adjoining street. Wswore ushered
INTO one Of the pews appropriated for
strangers, and minnts OF two later the
IN r was shown iato the same pew aud
rat dOSn silently beside rs. TIE service
l'rucetded IN the usual course. aud tut
service was nearly over when the maj :
hy an accIdtn al mnvrn,, nj Oi his elb ~
"a, cked down auntie's little red prayer.
book, which WAS ON tue nlapIng leng- be-
oTe her H. stnoped to lick II uv, aud
dbnnt To rel lace It, but as II came H.
view in the lull glare of the ga,llght his
Eye CHANGED To tail upOu II, aud he start
ed as thungh be hal seen n ghost. II
lad down tue book on the desk beiOr
L,nI. hut II Seemsd 10 iasGiuats HIN. He
looked from the book tu AluI II ,uy and
from Aunt II tly to the book, as II trying
10 satisfy blmself Ou some poIul, but
without success. The sermon came to
All eud at last. and the bsnedicuon fol-
lowed, but fear the major had little
share in IT. He took advantage OF the
moment when all heads were bowed TO
do very unmsuueTly tbisS he ayIy
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04
THE CHINESE PUZZLE.

Oh, bring me map Of the seat oi warl
hear the guns on the river MIN!
want to see where the missiles tire
Thruugh lar Foochow with deYil's din.
Just show me Fs lung and Sine chooj
Aud whore, On, where is KIN te ching.
Chno Choo, Cnang chow, aud whore Cha 90?
Is Hing wha lar from Yen pins9
yearn To know Of HE chic ching
long /, see the high Nan.ling
However will the French get in
To Klang-sl ar view Tnong tIngf
So, bring me a MAJ Of tho seat Of war
wsut to learn while the 6snt is youngi
AHd while arn looking for one name more,
I'il pray for tho ladies Of grea. Q:ang
tunX,
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04

--Subscrl0e tor All rea the ADVOCATE
it contains ali the latest local news 10 IL
tle time If going to press.
-"Wlll YOU have salt on your e. gs?
asked the hot-l wsit.r of the gu st. % /.
no, thanks. They are no. at al fr sn. =
Then the waiter went ont to c,nsnlt the
landlord TO see if the hotel nal bee IN.
suited
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04

EARLY To bed aud early to rise viii
ali be IN v'In il yol don't adveriSa-iu
the CARBON ADvIcATE published at L.
hiIhtop.
A man out in Mjlsi CITY 81 lutuna.
having balky mare, pms dynum It,
eartridVe under h r me day aud blew
her up, The fi-nd was arrested oA Il Z
charg, of b7iAg fiily buster.
-Somewhere in the world there mus,
ba gr' ut and good meu who are positive.
ly without sn; but they are Lever c,srd
o in u political convention. kept they
go there to MIX np-ning prayer.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04
A Cheat Discovery.

Mr. VIM Thomas, OF Newton, la saws
MY wle -Aas been serl"us'y affected with a
cough for twenty tive years, and thr, sIrin .
more severely than ever before. She hat
used many remedies without relief, an /
reinG urged tn try Dr.. X nI's Nrw Dis,,,, =
cry, did o. with the must gratIiyIn rrsu Is.
The hSet bottle relieved her very mn, h
aad tue srcerd Gattle has absolutely cdnei
her. She has NOT la so good hoalsn iof
thirty years"
Trral bottles tree ut Thomas drug store.
Large sls,s 81 90.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1884-10-04
Drunkenness, or the Liquor Habit, can be
eureaby administering DR.. Haines'
Golden sVecihc.

1t can be given in cup Of coffee or tea
without the knowledge ot the person taking,
It, efiectinG speedy AMI permanent cure.
whether the patient is a moderate drinker
"r sn alcoholic wreck. Tnuu-ants -,
drunkards htv" been made temperate met
who have taken the Golden Sprclir in thei
coffee without their knowledge, aui tn day
believe they quit drinkinIui their uwn irvr
VIII. No harminl effects result from II.
admin iratlnn Cures Guaranteed. Circular
Und Testimonials sent free
Address, GOLDEN SPEoIrIo Co.,
1855 Rucp ST, Ctuclnnsti. o