The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-08-26
IN FAVOR OF PEACE.
a Man Who Wanted Not the
Declaration Of Independ-
ence.

Some time ago, at pubic gamer
ing in Webfoot county, Colonel Lads
mon was selected to read the declara'
ton of independence. He had not
proceeded far when an old fellow,
who had come with large following
of Dry Fork boys, shouted:
mister, what sort o article is that
you're readin' ?"
The declaration of independence,
sir"
"Wall, now, the wars over out
here in this section, an we don't want
none O that secesh business. | fit
for the south, an [ shifted a good
deal O. smoke and stopped several
pounds plead, but when flung down
nv old fuzee, agreed that the serum
mige was dun. Now. Mister, / don't
think that you air dom right to come
out here and read that thing to the
Young folks. Lees dead and Grants
busted up, they tell me, so what is
the use of all this hurrah business ?
| am as good a southern man as any
body, but | never was no glutton.
I've got enough let me tell you.
"My dear sir" said the colonel, "is
it possible that you do not understand
this document, glorious emblazon-
meet of principles for the establish
ment of which our fOrefathers shed
their sacred blood"
Needn't spill so much O your edy-
cation, mister, fur / low that you'li
need it before you git to the end o
your row. [ never tOated college
whitewash on the back o my coat. bat
Eve got years like fox an eye that
can tell a black snake from a scorpion.
That thing you've got there is rank
pizen. Amt it, Leviticus p turning
to one of the Dry Fork boys.
That's whut it is" Leviticus Le-
piled.
"That thing, mister, mout have
been all right in sixty-one, but it won'i
do now, fur the cradles rockin' in
peace an the blue-eysd gal with the
peachy jaws is singin' sweet song, III
the orchard"
"My dear friend" said the colonel,
"let me explain. Gentlemen, please
keep quiet. There IS no need fox
excitement. When our forefathers
were oppressed by the British govern
ment, they threw off the yoke, and
declared by this paper" shaking the
Declaration of Independence, "that
they were free. They fought, bled
and maintained this avowal of free
dom and this glorious document vii
ever live as the greatest national
structure the world has ever known.
That's ali right, mister" said tht
man from Dry Fork, San is talked of
a heep pulitzer than | could do, bu
tie var is dun over. 1 don't see NJ
blood round here. Do you Levi
ticus?"
"Ain't found none yit," Leviticul
replied.
"No, fur it's all dried up. Now
pardner," continued the advocate OF
peace and the forgetfulness of war
"put up your warrant o arrest an
talk about something that We slost
round in every day"
81 shall not put up this gloriou:
paper"
CANT thar no persuasion p
No persuasion and no human force
can make me sheathe this great sword
Of argument"
ooh. we'll, we don't want to have
no trouble, but l reckon yer'll put il
up"
81 swear that | will not"
"Oh, l reckon yer will"
81 will die first"
ooh, yes, you will. Put her W
now, an come along with us boys
We se got a jug of the best old stuff
down here you ever seed an"
"Old gentleman-old patriot of q
school whose session is closed-I an
with you" exclaimed the orator,
throwinga quid of tobacco with 6
loud spat on the bald head of tax
assessor. 81 was taken in charge
this morning by party of prohibit
tionists and have suffered much il
the flesh. Now, nv dear sir, my de
Iiverer, lead me to the consecrateC
ground. The declaration of independ
ence can wait several years longer
cannot wait FIVE minutes. Here's
to you, old patriot" turning up the
Jug. "Ah-hah-hah. "-Arkansaw
Traveller.