The Florida agriculturist., 1884-11-19
VARIETIES.

the other day, "the, gal | married up on
the lode last month is perfect lady-a
perfect lady, sir. | don't suppose I've
heard her swear real hard more'n twice
since last spring"
Col. Watterson has made new word
-liripoop. A liripoop is a Democrat
who won't go with the crowd. He is of
the same family as the mugwump, which
is Republican who carries his party
under his hat.-Denrer Republican.
What's the differance between cab
bage and an orange?" 81 don't know,
do you," pleasantly answered the man.
''You don't'' calculated the propound-
er of the question, "You would be a
devil of a nice fellow to send after
oranges"
Early in the summer, little girl was
visiting at Walter home, and while she
was there the little fellow told his mother,
81 have given Abby pretty card, and
she's going to keep it to remember me
by; but can't 'tremember her, cause she
hasn't given me anything.
An Englishman meeting an Irishman
accosted him saying: "Can you tell me
the way to Wigan, Pat?'' "How doyou
know my name is Pat?" answered the
Irishman. 81 guessed it, +" replied John
Bull. "Well guess the way to Wigan
then," coolly replied the Irishman.
81 had the hiccoughs in Louisville once
for over week, " remarked the Colonel.
"Did you do anything for them ~ We'll,
l should say / did. | tried vinegar, whis-
XIV and port wine, and put whole bunch
of KEYS down my back" "Why didn't
you try some water? That is a sure cure. -
''Water ?" responded the Colonel. "Why
certainly, did. l bathed every day."
"Where have you been for the last
three months p, "I've been in Europe,
/ was in Marseilles and had the cholera.
Nobody knows what have suffered. "
"Well, YOU were in luck. That accounts
for your looking SO we'll. Suppose you
had remained here and gone through all
this Presidential racket, as | have had
to do You would be in your grave
now. You don't know what suffering
is.'-7eras Siftinqs.
An old back-country farmer, who had
given his note in payment for new
patent REAPER and binder" came into
the bank to pay up. elbow does she
go?' asked the cashier as he thumped
the bills. "Well We see, this time las
year l sot on the fence with a cigar in
my mouth and ombrel over me, and
watched thirty men reapin' my
field. This year reaped it myself, and
thirty men sot on the fence and watched
me. ."-Hdrcdrd Ldmpoon.
ssOh, husband, husband, Fanny has
run away with the coachman" !" "Good,
good It's all the fashion, my dear.
Now we will be the talk of the town,
and our names will be in the papers,
s'Butyou don't understands fHYes, i
do, and Pm glad of it, l tell you" "But
/ don't mean our daughter Fanny"
"Whom the deuce do you mean, then ?"
"Why, the new horse Fanny. sob,
thunder! is it as bad as that? Where's
my hat? Quick This is a pretty mess.p
Eugene Field. ,r. ..N.}
"NIy gracious, Lucille, what's the
matter?'' asked an Arkansas father, as
his daughter, with streaming hair, dash
edinto the library. "Oh, that heaven
will bestow its comfort!" supplicated the
girl, sinking to the floor. t'For the Lords
sake, tell me what's the matter, girl ~
lifting his daughter "George my be-
trothed. is dead.'' l"Why, don't take on
So" said the old gentleman, allowing
her to sink to the floor again; "dont give
way to your feelings in this unreasonable
way. You take it as hard as though the
Prohibitionists had carried every wardin
the CITY,"
Jones-"Grand old man, isn't hep"
Smith-sWhoW FNGT 1r1n11
''That fine old gentleman you were
"Well, really, / did not pay much at
ton to him. Who is he ?'
4 Iyr.n
have Just been talking to Prof, Blank,
the greatest scientist OF the ageT
"My stars Is that so? | thought he
was somebody running for office"
"What in the world made you think
that?' ~
.sHe was SO polite ."-Phila. Call.
81 tell you how it is, Algernon,1 = she
said in musical murmurs.
"Yes, Maud" he replied, in subdued
tones, watching her with the reflected
light of the moon in her deep brown
eyes.
" s'Pa has money, you have none. Pa
is free-trader, you are protectionist." "
eyes, rs with rising infection and
doubtful tone. o. ,ae 20
"I will suggest that pa make free
trade of my hand for your business ablll-
ty, and then I'll look to your arm for
protection"
"Bless you, my children, I" from stem
torian voice on the back piazza,
Stranger-s'Ah my dear old friend how
delighted / am to meet you; and how
well you are looking - Been away2,I
Jinks-"No; but pardon me, sir, you
have the advantage of me; Il" And
pray, how is your estimable wife? Such
charming lady, by the way. My wife
often speaks OF her. "She is quite well,
thank you but pardon me, you have"
What darlings they are, to be sure. So
like my own. They are all well hope?"
S'Very we'll; but par "Ah / must