St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1884-09-28
FUN ON WHEELS.
A Victim of the Treacherous Roller
Skates Gives Few Pointers.

/ am writing this with my pen between my two
first fingers. have bandage around my ankle,
q linseed poultice my shoulder, and kink in
my back. / hesitated to look in the glass lest
should find myself cross-eyed. am all strained,
and twisted, and knocked, like ship ashore on
a lee coast feel as bad as will the Republican
candidate for president the day the election re-
turns are brought in. The st. Paul roller skat-
ing rink opened up last evening About 900
people were present, and F. L. Croker gave an
exhibition of fancy skating. They had merry
time. So did lin my mind
/ was sent to write it up for the GLOBE, and
was seized.with desire to put on pair of roller
skates-case of temporary insanity, no doubt.
However, it gives me the advantage of being able
to write from experience. In many instances re-
porters obliged to take other peoples word
for it, but there is nothing speculative or theoret
ical about this. l speak from hard experience;
or possibly, more correctly speaking, hard maple
that's what the floor is made of. This account
of the opening is intended to be partly sugges
tive In the first place, would suggest that a
pillow be furnished with each pair of skates.
They would let man Blown easier
when he is seized with an uncomfortable
and sudden desire to sit down. 1t would also
be well if the manager would furnish his skates
with air brake attachments. This would be q
great saving to the railroad platforms, which are
now much used snubbing posts by skaters
who want to stop. Roller skates great
deal ike balky mules, the more you want them
to 90 ahead the more they will stop, and vice
versa. For this reason favor the air brakes.
OF course it would require some presence of
mind on the part of the skater to apply the
brakes at the right moment, as after his heels
90 in the air and he strikes the floor there may
not be enough air left in him to be of any ser
vice, But until these much felt wants are sup-
| piled the best / can do is to give
a few general rules for success roller skates.
| In the first place. don't keep your mind too in
tently fixed on your feet. There other things
| to be considered on the crowded floor Of a skat-
| ing rink. There are corners to be turned and
other skaters to be avoided. Keep your head up;
| in this democratic country we are all on level,
/ especially the floor of rink. And don't try
| to do all the skating with your heels. have a
suspicion that that is what ais my thnmb and
other portions of my anatomy. Don't be SO
dreadfuliy afraid of falling anyway; rather,
don't fail anyway. If you have to go
down, do it gracefully; don't kick
| the knee-cap off the fellow behind you and
bring up in heap with your feet struggling with
the legs of lady's chair. Let it be a matter be-
| tween you and the floor. Don't involve other
parties in the great downfall. l have many
kindly feelings for that railing around the rink.
! l wish there were ratings all over the rink. I'd
rather put my trust in that railing when find
myself suddenly tired than 10 put confidence in
princes. Don't be too fast when just starting
out. This is just as good advice in a skating
rink as in the outside world. The probabilities
are that when you doing your cleverest, and
| are feeling pretty well satisfied with yourself,
you will discover young man and his girl, both
poor skaters, a few feet in advance,
of you. There may not be any railing near you
| or any air break on your skates. What are you
going to do? No man likes to sit down without
any apparent reason, and ii is doubtful il the
spectators would understand your good inten.
! tions, or the young couple ahead appreciate your
kindness, and you would keep going until
something happened. Now a young mana
very thin young man, or q particularly stout
young man, or an I-can-do+t-j ust-watch-m go
| through-it young manor a young woman either
| for that matter, would rather be struck by O
| frolicsome goat than an awkward
fellow on skates. goat always
strikes you about amidshps, ard
you 20 down forward so that your hands strike
the ground first; buta stupid skater, generally
strikes your heels, and you don't go down for
ward. ! found that struck on the back Of my
head and saw stars. l must now 60 and get my
linseed poultce renewed and secure another
bottle of arnica. In conclusion, wish to say
that would like to meet the young lady who
seized my coat tail in hope of saving herself from
a fall. She didn't save herself, and she involved
others in the ruin. don't wish to shake hands
with this young lady, but would like to secure
the remains Of my coat tail, and
would like to say to her that that was no place
to throw her weight struggling amateur
like myself. was already handicapped in that
direction and that little weight my coat tails
was the straw that settled the roller skating
! With these few observations the roller skating
rink is declared open for the season, with morn
ing, afternoon and evening sessions, and a band
on Wednesday and Saturday evenings. 1 wisf
the rink success, but when do any more skat
ing shall be accompanied by q ply stefan and
| surgeon.