Connecticut western news., 1884-07-30
WIT AND WISDOM.


 contracting our desires.
 HAVE nothing to do with man who wishes to appear a saint.
 RICHES without virtue are n firebrand in the hand of a madman.
 TnE greatest pleasure wealth can ai- ford is that of doing good.
 BvRNuM is said to be anxious toseouro a boating party which will return with out singing "Home Again"
 How DOES Pat propose to get over single blessodnossP ? Why, he proposes to Bridge-it, of course.
 Ir does seem as if the only rights tho white men are willing to ooncode the rcd man arc the funeral rites.
 A LITTLE girl spending the summer in tho country wrote to her father: "Pleaso bring rue n new tooth brush, Mine ia molting."
 AN illiterate soldier contrived to spell the word ''usage" without using letter properly belonging to it. Ho wrote it ''yowzitch."
 GENERALLY the party who sings "I would not live always" the loudest Is the one who gets between the foathor beds during thunder storm.
 WHY should there be so much fuss because a man wants to be crematcd He may have solid reasons for proferring to be burned to a cinder in this world.
 'PHwAT wud oi want wid bicycle 2" said the ancient Irishman to tho boy, who had been chafiing him. "Bodad, Ofd as soon walk afoot as ride aiooti" !" A BALp.HEADRp man tainted the other day, aud was very indignant whom he was coming to at hearing a cocknoy cx- claim, "Give him hair give him hair 1"
 RKMEMBER that thy servant is thy fellow creature; that application, suo- cess or accident, rather than genius, has made the difference between thee and him.
 CONSULT nature, she will teach you Co be content without riches; listen to avarice, she will teach you the art of be- tug poor and miserable in the midst of plenty.
 Ar great heights, Popular Sctcnoe Monthly says, dogs lose thoir power of barking. It is a fine scheme, then, to keep your dog in the garret, or tie him up to the swaying limb of tall and lonely tree.
 "wuL you have salt on your egga9" asked tho hotel waiter of the gucSt "oh, no, thanks. They are not at all fresh" Thon tho waiter went ont to consult tho landlord to sec if the hotel had been insultcd.
 "HAvE you faled2" inquired the ms for of tho colonel few mornings since. "No, what gave you that idea G' "Well' I don know, |" answered tho major, ''ox. cert that sec you have boughtaatylish turnout"
 AN old lady gave this as her Idea of great man: "One who is keerful of bis clothes, don't drink sperets, ken read without spelling the words and eat cold dinner on wash day without grum- bling"
 As THEY reached tho othor end of the bridge he said: You must pay your toll, Miss Edith" "what is that" aho innocently asked. Then he kissed her. A few minutes after she remarked: 'I don't like this side of town let's go back"
 So rou'RE engaged 10 Dr. B.p It must be very nico to be engaged to a doctor. Every time he calls, you know and, of course, that must be very often you feel as if you were getting for nothing what anybody else would have to pay three dollars for.
 AN indignant wife in Athens, Ga., marched her husband home lato at night recently at the end of shotgun. If Northern women would only substi- ute the shotgun for the broom-stick they would have far less trouble in con. trolling their husbsnds.
 AN exchange says a man begins to occupy half a seat when he gets mar ried. This is true, and after the first baby comes ho begins to occupy hall of the outside bed rail. And sometimes, whom tho baby is particularly restless, he is glad to grab quilt and sleep on the floor.
 A COAL dealer asked some law studcnta what legal authority was the favorite of his trade. One answered "Ooke. " "Rieht," said tho coal dealer. Another, suggested "Blaokstone." ''Good, too [ said the questioner. Then little man piped out ',Little-ton." The coal dealer sat down.
 NATURE has given us two ears and but one mouth, for this reason: that wc should hear twice as much as VIC should speak. The poor man who enyioa not the rich, who pities his companions in poverty and can spare something Tor him who is still poorer is in the roalma of humanity as king of kings. "Mr SON." asked a Sunday school teacher, "what do you know of tbs proverb regarding people who reside in glass housesp" 'I don't know nothin', was the response, "about the proverb, but know that people wot live in glaas houses orient to lay abed late in thS mornin' unless they pull down thS blinds"
 A BROOKLYN man who hit wheat for . few thousand dollars last week rushed around aud rented a brown stone front and then sought the services of furni ture mover. 'Tll take it by theiob and do the fair thing by you" replied th' mover. "well, how fairy" "I'll say