davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
\ DETROIT POLICEMAN.
Why He Resigned from the Force and
Took to Driving Horse-Car.

Why He Resigned from the Force and
Took to Driving Horse-Car.
Didn't know that / used to be q DO,
liceman, did YEP remarked q street,
car conductor Us he looked steadfastly
at reporter to avoid seeing an old
woman who, block and a half away
on cross street was wildly whirling an
umbrella and vainly trying to locomote
herself into a run. Blame that old
woman. She always wants 10 take the
car that has gone by, instead of the one
that's a-coming. Lots more like her,
too"
'.How long were you on the forcc?"
just one month. Was shot at three
times in one night. and concluded I'd
resign. The hours are longer on a
hoss-car, but they amt SO exciting. /
was appointed on trial for three
months. and, yer know, they don't lei
a Teller have no uniform until he's been
confirmed, 'ccpt club. Ny beat was
on Jefferson avenue along with Brown.
One night We seed fellow way back
in the back part of a store on the north
side of the avenue. Brown telled me
to stay right there and collar the feller
if he come out that way. and he went
around into the alley. Pretty soon
heard Brown a-whistling for help. and
run round into the alley. The teller
on Larned street heard him. too, and
he came a-runnin' up. The first thing
he seed was me a-skinnin' down the al
. ley. and he s'posed l was a burglar and
pulled out his pop and commenced
throwing lead at me. He didn't hit
me, but thought I'd resign"
-.Well, what became of the burg
lars?''
.Oh. he walked ont OF the front
door, and got away. That's why 1 re-
signed. The Captain told me / was a
cursed fool, and if | didn't resign he'd
prefer charges ag'in' me. Detroit
Free Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
FASHION NOTES.
They Should BE Read by Every Progressive
Lady and Housewife.

SealSkin is all the rage in Paris.
Beaver is the ruling fur for youn;
girls.
Long wraps with high shoulders are all
the rage
Astrakhan cloth is much used fol
children's garments.
Velvet grows more and more in favor
as the winter advances.
More and more hideouS grow hats
and bonnets as the season advances.
Old oak is the latest craze for the fur
niture and wood finishing of certain
parts of the house.
LincruSta wall coverings bid fair tc
supersede fine wall paper in the best
built and most elegant modern houses.
When Will our milliners evolve some.
hing pretty and becoming out of the
narrowing hat; and bonncts of the
season?
Feather fur, as the feather bands Of
this season are called, trims MANY
dressy wraps and costumes, and is worn
as stoles and collars around the neck
Hat ard bonnet trimmings are clus-
tered in front in a singularly defiant
aggressive style. which, with the terrier.
like bangs worn by most women, gives
a ferocious expression even TO the mild
est face.
The tendencies of fashion with regard
to furniture lean toward the antique
and medieval, the great square four
post Henri III. bedstead. with its heavy
tester and draped curtains, rivaling the
iron and brass bedsteads which are
rightly considered so healthy.
The Falchon bonnet is worn in sheer
desperation by many women who can
not and will not accept the ugly peak
brimmed ''cOw jumped over the moon
bonnets that the milliners and manu-
facturers seem determined to force on
the feminine world this winter.
In the dining rooms and libraries of
English houses only one style is per-
mitted. Those who do not have an
cient houses furnish their new ones as
much as possible in the old style. The
lofty chimneypiece reaches half way up
the dining-room wall with the broad
mantelp:ece overshadowing what is
really chimney corner" furnished
with seats upholstered like the rest of
the furniture. This splendid structure
is of oak or some dark wood richly
carved, large vases and plates of good
china or metal decorating the inches
and mantelboard. All around the crate
within it and over the floor tiles are
artistically arranged depicting historical
or Bible subjects, or the arms of the
house or the portraits of the family
d y SIN.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
WIT AND WISDC

Wealth has its cares as well as
poverty-bat they are more popular
". Y Nail.
=" He laughs bes. who laughs last. "
Therefore. the man who catches on to
4 joke after everybody else has got
through laughing over it is the best
man.
There was an old doctor. who,
when asked what was good for moths.
wrote back: How do you suppose
can tell unless l know what ais the
moths" -Golden Days.
1t is hopeless for a short man to
ever expect to be a tall man, but tall
man can easily become a short man.
This fact is 50 obvious that it is scarce
ly worth neutrality-suspicious. Post.
-" What is weather report9'
asked small boy, who was reading q
paper. a. don't know precisely, but
l suppose that thunder is one kind of a
weather report" responded his pa
rent.
No one loves to tell tale of scan
dial but to him that loves to hear it.
Learn, then, to rebuke and silence the
detracting tongue by refusing to hear.
Never make your ear the grave of an
others good name.-Sheridan.
DO you like bangs?" inquired
Mrs. Snip of Mr.. Temple. NO,
madam; l do not ''Oh! indeed! you
surprise me. Why not?'' because
my wife and two daughters play the
piano and are devoted to Wagner
music. IN Y Independent.
Congressman Kelley's daughter has
married Russian named LaZare
Wischnewetsky. The groom's name
went twice around the altar and was
tied in beau-knot in front, adding
much to the handsome decorations OF
the chancel-LoUeH Citizen.
Il knew a bald-headed man who
quit smoking, and in less than a month
lie had as thick head of hair rs l ever
saw" .'Do you mean to say that the
hair grew out al. over his head?" mo,
of course not; but as soon rs he
stopped smoking he saved up money
enough to buy himself wig."-1eraS
SytiagS.
Little Nell-Oh, mamma, you're
talking slang" Mamma guess not,
pet.' ..Yes you are, mamma. Didn't
you tell me that saving kid instead of
child was slang?" ..Yes. pet" ..We!l.
just now you was telling about gypsies
that steal children, and you talked
slang then" Indeed? Why, what did /
say?n You called them kid -nabbers.
Philadelphia call.
The minister has been invited to
dinner. While grace was being said
Tommy eyed the unwonted good things
spread before him with pieasureable an
ticipation. Ma" he said. when the
minister had concluded. do you know
why pa doesn't give thanks every day
at the tabie?' His mother shot
warning glance at him. "'Cause it's
only when the minister here that we
have anythin' worth givin' thanks for. "
Toledo Blade.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
SELECTING a GUIDE.
The Amusing Experience Of . Party of
Hunters In Montana

Hunters In Montana.
The first was known as the fellow
''who could stand more rest than any
| Their man in the Territory" or, in other
| words, was supposed to be the LATEST
, man in Montana. The second was re-
puted to be decidedly 'bad" man, an
old-time Virginia City vigilante, known
throughout the country as Judge
Neversweat," on account of the equa-
nimity of mind exhibited by him at GER
tain moment of his life, when he held at
bay, with an nnloaded revolver. four
doomed and desperate men, thirsting
for his life and their liberty. Judge
Neyersweat evinced much anxiety to
act as our guide across the Bitter Root
Mountains, every foot of which he pro-
fessed to know from his prospecting"
days. 'We'll have a blank good time
you bet your bedrock flume on that,
he said, adding, soto voce: "Anyhow.
as long rs the whisky don't peter out. !"
His indignation when informed that this
was not likely to occur, for the good
reason that on principle we never took
whisky on our shooting trips. was ut first
rather amusing, then startling, to be-
hold. The mere idea of good time
without unlimited whisky was dire i'm
position, an insult to frontier manhoc d,
lie was too angry to give vent to the
usual unbridled flow of bad language;
his otherwise loud voice toned down
to an angry snarl, his eyes giittered.
his form grew erect, his whole beilg
assumed an austerely dignified air; in
one word, Judge Neversweat became
polite. 1t was mood the half-dozen
mountaincers, silent witnesses of this
scene, seemed to understand and to
fear, for they all suddenly discovered
they had business elsewhere, leaving u,,
as | heard one mutter, ito our own
funeral" Then spoke up the Judge:
Gentlemen, let Judge Neversweat Po-
litely inform you, on the first call of his
hand, that this var camp amt lost no
goat; and if this var straddle amt 90.
ing to find your Improvement, Judge
NeverSweat's record amt one that ii
stand second call" Our egregious
exhibition of insular prejudice cost us
some odd dollars. Judge Neversweat
had not, we found. included call &c
the nearest saloon among those incom.
patible with his record Of the
three men from whom We decided &c
pick our guide, the third man enjoyed a
more harmless reputation-none else
than that he was 1.-THE biggest liar this
side of the Rocky Mountains" Him
we chose. for his idiosyncrasv was de-
cidcdly the most harmless. Aside from
the fact that his qualification to act as
our guide was about the biggest OF all
big lies he had ever fabricated, he
proved a willing fellow ard a good
cook; so while we did his guiding he
did our cooking. combination salts
factory to both parties. Ccn'uy.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
A Sense of Honor.

There is little doubt tiat the thing
which most needs to be preached to this
generation of Americans, by ministers
of the Gospel. by both clerical and lay
instructors OF the youth. by all who
have public influence or private author
ity, ls-a sense of honor. 1t must be
shown and insisted upon that every 20
sition in life where ore person is en-
pioyed by another to do certain work.
imposes an obligation TO fulfill the du-
ties of the place with an honorable and
d 'sintercsted regard for the interests OF
the employer. 1t must be shown that
this view of employment applies to the
cook, the errand-boy, the cashier, the
legislator. the Governor. the President.
This is trite, and apparently simple.
ard perhaps somewhat stupid view of
the opportunities of a "smarss and ambi-
tous young American of our day; but
unless this commonplace view of re-
sponsibility is laid hold of by increasing
numbers in the future of orr country,
we will not say that our society will go to
pieces, but we will say that our calamities
viii increase, and that we viii get into
troubles, and not soon out of them. COM
pared with which the dangers and dis
tresses of the past will seem almost in
signiticant-Centary.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
4 Musical GanGer.

ALVEY cir on violin will sometimes
set whole flock of geese wild with de-
light. On one occasion, at country
wedding, there was . curious perform
ance- After dinner lady entertained
the guests assembled on the lawn witt,
music from an ACCORDION. A flock OF
geese were feeding in the road Just be
low the house. and with outstre.ched
necks answered back with loud notes of
satisfaction. Soon white gander COM
menced dancing a lively JIG, keeping
good time TO the music. For several
minutes he kept up the performance to
the great delight of the company. The
experiment was tried several times for a
week or more. and the tones of the ac-
Gordon never failed to set the old gan
der into lively dance. A boboiink,
placed in a cage with some canaries, ex-
hibited great delight at their songs. He
did not sing himself. but with q pecul-
lar cluck could always set the canaries
singing. After a while he began to
learn their songs note by note. and in
the course of ;s'fe-v weeks mastered the
entire song.-Poputar Science Monthly.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
FEELING IMPORTANT.
How the Senate Pages Make People S

How the Senate Pages Make People Say
"Pleasc" Before They Grant Favors.
While we were employed to wait up
on the Senators, outsiders would
often encroach upon our good nature
and ask us to do things. We always
refused to attend to these matters, if
they were put in the shape of demand
instead of a request. There were
several newspaper reportersin the gal
lery over the Vice-President's chair,
who frequently ignored our rights. A
reporter would wish to ask question
of Senator and, not caring particu-
Iarly to come down the stairs and send
IN his card, would drop ncte from the
gallery, expecting one of us to pick it
up and hand it to the Senator to whom
It was addressed. This was a rather
officious request sometimes, as we
were tired and worn out from excess
sive running, and would hardly feel
like going up to where the reporter
was. in the roundabout way in which
we should have had to 90, to deliver
him the information called for, and
then come all the way back. But,
whether we were tired or full of ac-
tivity, we did not like the matter-of-
course manner in which some of the
reporters had demanded our services;
and we would often let the note re-
main where it had fallen on the carpet.
Sometimes, out of pugnacity, We
would surround the paper and walk
around it, gazing at it apparently with
great curiosity, but evincing no incli-
nation to touch it. Finally, when the
reporter would lean over the edge of
The gallery, and. in very obsequious
manner, would bow his head and
smile and 60 through a lot of gym
nastics to indicate to everybody else in
The galleries that the ''sguib'' would
not Ego off," and that he would be ex-
eeedingly obliged if one of our excel
.encies would graciously convey the
paper to its desired destination. one of
Is would pick it up; but not until then.
Edmund Alton tn 81. Nicholas.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
A LONG, LONG JOURNEY.

| Pathetic Story of Scene Which, Sooner
| or Later. Occurs in Every Household.
When the doctor came downstairs
from the sick-room of Mrs. Marshall the
whole family seemed to have arranged
themselves in the hall to waylay him.
How soon will mamma dit well?"
asked little Clyde, the baby.
Can mamma come downstairs next
week. asked Katy, the eldest daugh-
ter and the little housekeeper.
..Do you find my wife much better?"
asked Mr.. Marshal, eagerly, pale with
anxiety and nights OF watching.
The doctor did not smile: he did not
even stop to answer their questions.
81 am in a great hurry" he said, as
he took his hat; Il must 90 to patient
who is dangerously i'll. This evening l
will call again. have left instructions
with the nurse"
But the nurses instructions were ali
concerning the comfort of the patient;
she was professionally discreet and
silent. The children playing on the
stairs We're told to make no noise. The
gloomy day wore on and the pa
tent slept and was not disturbed.
But that night before they went to bed,
they wee allowed to 90 in and kiss
their mother goodnight. This priv
ilege had been denied them lately, and
their little hearts responded with Joy to
the invitation. Mamma was better or
she could not see them. The doctor
had cured her. They would love him
for it all their lives!
.'She was very pale but smiling, and
her first words to them Were:
Il am going on a journey!'
"a journey" cried the children.
''Will you take us with yOu?'
NO; it is a long, long Journey"
Mamma is going TO the South" said
Katy. 1.-The doctor has ordered her to.
She will get well in the orange groves
of Florida"
Il am going to far distant country.
more beautiful than even the lovely
SOUTH said the mother, land | will
not come back
lyon are going alone, mammal"
asked Katy.
Mo- said the mother, in a low sweet
voice.
Il am not going alone. Ny Physician
goes with me. Hiss me goodbye, nv
dear ones. for in the morning before
you are awake shall lie gone. You
will al come to Ile when YOU are made
ready. but each must make the journey
alone.
In the morning she was gone. When
the children awoke their father told
them of the beautiful country at which
she had safely arrived while they slept.
..How did she go! Who came for
her?" they asked, amid their tears.
The chariot of Israel and the horse
man thereof" their father told them
solemnly.
People wonder at the peace and hap
piness expressed in the faces of these
motherless children; when asked about
their mother they say; ..She has gone
on a Journey" and every night and
morning they read in her guide-book of
that Land where she now Ives; whose
inhabitants shall no more say, | am
sick, and where God Himself Shall wipe
Ill tears from their eyes. --Dc.roa Free
Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
RELIGIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL


During the last ten years six school.
houses have burned in SOmerville, Mass.
boston Post.
Church property will be taxed in
Washington Territory. The recent cleo
ton decided the question.
The rumber of candidates for the
ministry in the Southern Presbyterian
Church is 224, against IA three years
ago.
The teacher who is content to kces
pupils quiet and ask questions from the
textbook must wake up, or leave tie
Professionalism Teacher.
The children in an Ohio Sunday
school are raising money for missionary
purposes by gathering waste paper and
selling it. Cleueland Leader.
DR. Taylor, the Bishop to Africa
proposes. instead of teaching his assist
ant missionaries the native languages
to teach the natives English as the short
or method.
Education is better safeguard o.
liberty than standing army. If we
retrench the wages of the school-mastel
we must raise those of the recruiting
Sergeant.-ErereH.
-Tarsus, the birthplace of st. Paul,
now boasts of Young Mems Christian
Association vigorously at work, and o.
native Bible woman successfully en-
gagged in teaching her sex from house
to house.
The school superintendent of Mas
sachusetts resolved at Boston recently
in favor of opening the schools of the
State for night sessions, it being showr
that 10000 persons can not read anC
write-Boston Globe.
In the public schools of Greece the
four Gospels of the New Testament ar.
used as reader by the children of the
most advanced classes of the primary
department, and the new Minister o
Education proposes to extend their Use
into the higher schools.
A medal has been struck in com
memoration of the one hundredth ami.
versary of Methodism in this country
and is sold in duplicates by authority
of the Bishops. The case opens like 8
book, and in the central portion, sur
rounded by velvet, the medal is so fixed
that both its sides are exposed when the
cover is opened, A pastor reports thai
he lately found a convert kneeling be-
fore it in alteration. using it for an idol
He has heard that such perversion Of
the object is common among the ne
groes of the South, where the medal:
are held in awe as possessing super.
natural qualities. Chicago Times.
The Vhool for printers apprentices
at st. Petersburg has been opened with
appropriate ceremonies. There will be
taught on three days every week. not
after working hours, but during the
daytime. religion, Slavic languages,
arithmetic, history and geography, the
reading of the Greek and Latin Ian,
guages, technicalities of the graphic
trades, drawing, singing and gymnas-
tics-altogether it will be a complete
school. Twenty-three st. Petersburg
master printers have agreed to pay an,
nual subsidies amounting to Lost
roubles (about SS0O), and every pupil
Will have to pay one rouble per month.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19

President Arthur is the same age
that President Tyler was when he mar
ried Miss Julia Gardner during the last
year of his presidential term. He was
fifty-four years of age and she less
than twenty. He is also the exact age
Mark Antony was when he became en-
amored of Cleopatra, and strange as
it may be, the dusky queen was the
same age as Miss Frelinghuysen, the
Presidents fancee, when she killed
herself. President Arthur's first wife
will have been buried five years next
January. She was married to him in
st. Johns Church, Washington, which
he now attends, and where he has
placed window to her memory
Boston Budget.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
Heavy Oefalcation.

understand" said man to an ac-
quaintance, ..that you are 10 longer
postmaster at Hornville."
That's fact"
did you resign?'
mo; they showed me out"
"What for??''
"Misappropriation of funds, they
said"
But you are not guilty, are youo'
"Well, l came out fifty cents short. :"
THAT all9 They should have mada
no complaint about SO small an amount.
Only fifty ceDts?'
That's ALL"
That's strange. What was the total
amount of receipts during the entire
year?'
"Seventy-five cents" - Arkansau
ITGreler.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19

IT gives US great pleasure to state that
the merchant who was reported being at
the point of death from an attack OF Pneu-
monia has entirely recovered by the use
of DE-. WIN. HALLS BALsAM FOR THE
LUNGS. And in giving publicity to this
statement we are actuated by motives Of
public benefaction, trusting that others
NAV be benefited.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19

"THE plays the thing, ~
Wherein I'll reach the conscience of the king"
And equally true is it that DR.. Pierce's
/" Pleasant Purgatiye Pellets" 1.-THE original
Little Liver Pills) are the most effectual
means that can be used to reach the seat of
disease, cleansing the bowels and system,
and assisting nature in her recuperative
work. By druggists.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19

can kill tiger-if the tiger happens to be
found when only little cub. So consump-
ton, that deadliest and most feared of dis
eases, in this country, can assuredly be con-
quered and destroyed if DR.. Pierce's /" Gold
en- Medical Discovery" be employed early.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19

at HAVE BEEN AFFLICTED with an Alice
ton of the Throat caused by diphtheria,
and have used various remedies, but have
never found anything equal to Browns
BRONCHIAL TRoCHEs.-Rec. G.M.F.Hamp-
ton, Piket0n, Ey. Sold only in boxes.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19
maryland, My Maryland
- . Pretty Wives
Lovely daughters AID nobIe men,"

- -'"Prc.ty wiyeS,
Lovely daughters ard noble men,"
"My farm lies in "a rather low and MAS
matte situation, and
"My wifer'
sWhog'
"Was very pretty blonde!'
Twenty years ago, became
"Sallowr'
Eo,low-eyedT
"Withcred and agedr'
Before her tin from
"Ma,aT,al vapo-s, though she made no
particular complaint not being of thu
grumpy kind, yet causing me great uneasi-
ness.
A short time ago I purchased your
remedy fer one of the children, who had a
very severe attack Of b.l.ousncss and it oe-
cured to me that the remedy might help my
wife, as found that our little girl, upon re-
coyery had
@Lostr'
"Her sallow,less, and looked as fresh as
new blown daisy. Well the story is soon
tod. My wife, to-day, las gained her old
timed beauty with compound interest, and
is now as handsome m2t-on (if l do say it
myselfl az can be found in this county,
which is noted for pretty women. And 1
have only Hop Bittcr5 70 thank for it.
1.-THE dear creature just looked over my
shoulder, and says / can flatter equal to
the days Of our courtship,' and that reminds
me there might be more pretty fUiUcs If my
brother farmers wouli do as / have done"
Hoping you MAY long be spared TO do
good, thankfully remain:
c. L. JAMES.
BELTsvILLE, FRINGE George Co.. Md, Z
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19

The school population of Vermont
S $1,000; the amount raised by the State
Tor the support of the school is only
5000, 900.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19

DYSPEPSIA. liver complaint, and kindred
affections. For treatise giving successful
self-treatment address WORLDS DIsPEN-
sARY MEDICAL ASSOCIATION, Buffalo, n. Y.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1884-12-19

PIXIES TooTHACHE DROPS cure I'M minute, &c.
Glenn's Sulphur SoGo heals and beautiflcs. &c.
GERMAN CORN REMOVER kills Corns O Buttons.