davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Huntsville gazette., 1884-03-08
LATER. NEWS

In the Senate on the Sd the Commit
tee on Naval Affairs was instructed to in
quire and report as to the advisability Of
| equipping a foundry to make big guns.
| Various bills for erection of public build
| ings passed. Eulogies on the late Repre-
sentative Haskell were pronounced. In
the House Mr. Randall reported back a
communication from the Treasury Depart
ment with the information that there is
not the slightest need for claimants to
employ agents for the collection
of tobacco rebate. A resolution
directing the Naval Committee to investi-
gate the allegations of unofficer-like con-
duct in the Jeanette expedition was adopt
ed. A resolution was also adopted to in
vestigate charges Of fraud in the Pacific
National Bank of Boston and connivance
of United States officials The bill to PEN
| sion survivors of the Mexican War passed
| under suspension of the rules.
Two million dollars in gold were ex-
ported on the 4th.
MONTENEGRO is said to be preparing
for another raid on Albania.
TILLER, the. St. Louis express robber,
is still at large, and proves to be rather
slick rogue.
PRUSSIA wants the anti-Socialist law
continued in force two years longer.
GOVERNOR CLEVELAND has signed
the bill prohibiting the prison labor con-
tract system in New York.
FIRE losses in the United States are
more than S19,00o,0y0 for the first two
months Of 1884 just closed.
THE Virginia Cotton Compress Com
pany's works at Norfolk, Va, were de-
stroyed on the Sd by an explosion.
THE snow is so deep in poNlons of
the Province of Quebec that people are
forced to enter and leave their houses by
the attic windows.
A BOILER explosion in a saw-mill at
Wilkesbarre, Pa, on the Sd demolished the
building and killed three men.
A CONTINENTAL coalition to break
the maritime and commercial supremacy
of England, is talked of.
CARDINAL LEDoCHowsKI is to be re-
called to Posen. Prussia and the Vatican
have settled their disputes.
HERR KAPB, member of the Ger
man Reichstag, is now accused of having
written the Ochiltree resolutions.
B. w. HALL, a Chicago contractor.
who bilked his employees to the amount of
several thousand dollars, defies the United
States officers to extradite him from Can
ada.
The United States Supreme Court
has decided the legal tender case of Juil-
lard against Greenman. 1t establishes the
validity of notes reissued under the act of
May 81, 1878. --------
Huntsville gazette., 1884-03-08
A Story OF a Queen.

The arrival in this city the other day
OF that ''Queen of Tahiti, who was
no Queen Of Tahiti at all, reminds me
of story the Queen-Dowage Emma,
of the Haw llian Islands. told me OF her
experience the first time she visited San
Francisco. 9.Emma," as she is famil
iarly but always respectfully spoken OF
by her people, is three-quarters ''White.
as the expression goes, being the
daughter Of an English father and
''half-white' (Hawaiian and English)
mother. She is, therefore, not darker
than decidedly brunette Caucasian.
In her suite of females were number
Of half-white and pure blooded Hawaii
ans. One Of the latter was strapping
big girl with the independent swagger
and upright carriage peculiar TO Sand-
wich Island women of all classes, and
this woman nearly every one here who
saw the party insisted upon was the
Queen. She was big and very dark,
which satisfied the popular idea con-
cerning Emma better than the Queens
own proper descript on: petite in per-
son ard comparatively light in COM
plexion. ''Lalani," that was the big
girls name, received the homage OF
clerks, shop people, chamberma ds,
walters, bell-boys, and the uninformed
public generally, with such evidences
Of royal condescension as she thought
the occasion demanded, being en-
couraged in maintain ng the common
delason by the Queen, who thus es-
capped in and out Of the hotels and
stores, ETC., unnoticed and unincon-
venienced. The party was in a fash
enable dry-goods house one day when,
as usual, the crowd was thickest
around Lalani and thinnest about En-
ma. The former, seeing some particu-
larly rich and dazzlingly bright silk
and velvet, ordered a. liberal supply for
dress, to be sent to her hotel. "And
when shall | send the bill, your Males
typ inquired the over-cautious though
ObSequious salesman.
,'Oh, never mind about that, Lalam
will pay the cash now,n replied Lalani
herself. and then, attracting the Queens
attention by speaking III native to her,
added in English: "Here, Lalani, see
what my bill is and pay it please"
To have rebuked the hussy there
would hare made scene, but that con-
sidera ion aside, the splendid ass france
Of the girl and the sight Of the half
grinning, -affrighted faces Of the
other women in the suite. drove out of
her mind whatever indignation the
Queen may have felt. Stepping to the
salesman she inquired: Chow much,
please?'
The Queen rather choked at the an
swer ''$115, please" but swallowing
her amazement the best she could, pro-
ceeded to settle the bill in good gold
coin, while the triumphant and only
slightly trembling real Lalani regarded
the success Of the joke in apparently
queenly Indifference to such trifies as
dry-goods bills.
In telling this story Queen Emma
concluded: II never even rebuked the
girl, who, | afterward learned, played
the joke on a dare from the other
girls. I thought | owed that much to
her for the share Of public attention in
tended for me which she relieved me Of
San Francisco Chronicle.
Huntsville gazette., 1884-03-08
PITH AND POINT.

Charity warmed over is very cold
comfort.
The kind word that turneth away
wrath has no practical effect in turning
away book agent. 80 ClereIand Leader.
-Swinburne, the poet, announces
that he is not coming to America. 1t
i fortunate that O Presidential election
is at hand to make us forget his abb
sence-N Z. Nail.
De oman what dresses ter please
herself shows sense. but de oman what
dresses ter displease some udder oman
wild s'perior tinery is got q saft spot
summers near de top q her head.
UncZe Rcneus.
The following il literal transcript
Of sign on a Pennsylvania village
store. Tea and Taters, Sugar and
Shingles, Brickdust and asses, " hisky,
Tar and other Drugs. - Pt1Sbarg5
Post
WIRE lath and glass shingles are
now being manufactured. and by and
by II will be 50 that dutiful father will
have to 60 clear up irto tde primeval
lumber camps to pick up something
with which to caress his erring boy
BurIingt0n H1rkeye.
a man in Stafford, Va, poured
spirits Of turpentne into his ear to cure
the earache. 1t went right to the spot,
and he hasn t suffered a particle Of
pain since. Unfortunately the man
didn t live long enough to write q ''tes-
timona1' recommending his cure.-
Norrtsto219 Hen aid.
A writerin ascientific monthly asks:
s.What is 4 meter?" In reply a jocular
editor said: '.An opinion has long pre-
vailed that met u is a contr1vance that
works twenty seven hours day eight
davs week the year round; and when
YOU resolve to economic in the use Of
gas, it throws in acouple Of extra hours
daily without charge. "-Jewish MeSseR-
ger.
TO a toast Of ''The babies-God
bless them.' railway conductor re
sponded: "May their route through
life be pleasant and profitable; their
track straightforward, and not back
ward. Nav their fathers be safe con-
ductors. their mothers faithful tenders,
and their switch never misplaced
-Comparisons: The artfullest man
i the designer; the most changeablc,
the banker; the most accommodating,
the broker; the most '.fees liable, the
Doctor, the most chaste, the engraver;
the most taIkatiye, the auctioneer; the
most figurative. the cashier; the mo t
typical. the printer; the sweetest, the
confectioner; the coldest, the ice man;
the grayest. the undertaken; the crusti-
est. the baker; the seediest, the garden
er; the greatest turn-coat- the tailor.-'
lr2y Times.
Huntsville gazette., 1884-03-08

THE public-debt statement issued on the
1st makes the following exhibit: Total
debt Gncluding interest of $l0364, ,I05)
81, ,959, ,430.479. Cash in Treasury, 1896, ,293. :
45l. Debt, hess amount in Treasury, 81
453, ,01, ,133. Decrease during February,
s., ,5S2,5 $50. Decrease since June 80, 1888.
$67 ,59U,0T4.
SIx1EEN houses in the lower part Of Har-
risbuEg, Pa, were badly damaged few
days ago by an explosion of dynamite,
caused by fire in shanty.
AuvICEs of the 1st state that in the re-
cent cyclone in North Carolina one hun
dred persons were killed, two hundred and
fifty were wounded, and property valued
at half million dollars Vas destroyed.
Richmond, Anson, Chatham, Union, Shell
by, Wake, Harnett, Johnson, Ashe, Nash,
Robescn, Montgomery and Cumberland
Counties suffered the most.
A FIRE on the ID at Utica, N. Y, origi-
mating in the shoe factory of H. J. Hol-
brook & Co., spread until ten build
were destroyed, including the G. ~ss
tional Bank. The total loss v Na.
at 81 100000. '"S s@'''A's''7u
A STATEMENT IT.
Treasurer = -~de by the United States
coip~ :" tne ist SHOWS uiiau INC Oocal
-ge Of standard silver dollars within
the past five years was 1866, 125, ,119, Of which
amount only 39,3o2, 720 are outstanding.
! THE works of the United States Stamp
ing Company at Portland, Conn.,, employ.
| ing five hundred men, were burned on the
evening Of the 1St, causing loss of $780,
| 0J0.
| AN incendiary fire few days ago de.
stroyed the courthouse at Weatherford
Tex, with the records of the courts. The
| loss was estimated at $50,0)0.
| AT New Bedford, Mass, Robert Smith
and wife were found dead in bed on the 1st
from the effects OF coal-gas, and Charles
Schneider, of Erie, Pa, and two members
OF his family, died from the same cause.
| THE United States Government is press
ing its claim against Spain for 81 ,092, ,000
| for losses sustained by Americans in Cuba
during the rebellion.
| FRANCIS j. SMITH, City Treasurer Of
| Bayonne, n. j., was arrested on the 1st
charged with being a defaulter to the ex
! tent of S37, 900,
Huntsville gazette., 1884-03-08
The NEWS.
,.,,oiled from Late Dispatches.
CONGRESSIONAL.

= on the 2lth Mr.. Van Wyck
Is lhe late consideration for resolu-
asked Hl''.i ,'a,, he offered directing the Post
ron Nilor ,l-'I,,;ttoe to inquire whether at any
obce en-. Ivastern Union and the Baltimore &
time LII g,.,.yraph Companies had negoti-
ohio sor consolidation; after ceDate
sted a.oiuti0n Iii was referred. Mr. Bialr
the o5recd bill TO extena aue .,ie me
iDtroqu0 [aornnletion of railroads west OF Ine
for the liver TO which grants OF pubic
Aiss1slFPb been made, which were IN GOOD falth
land ha.; a. the work of construction, WITH
prOse'lu tfnrfeifnre of such grants A long de-
out Inc the ioI niacs on the bill 10 construct eleven
bate ioofh n me navy. In the House the bill
ves-eis ~ The ir0n-clad oath previously
20 rego"hv the Senatel was passed. a
passed ,o1 ~ was adopted directing the
Tesoianrr of the Treasury 10 state
secreldi39b ,7onev there was in the vaults. ana
how my" lt What amount could at present be ap-
orr linuidation Of the pubic deot. MI.
Iled y, rom the Committee on Post-ofhces
BIZ TT~nst-roads. reported adversely on the
m IN preyent the use OF the oilltoa o.o.e5 td
M 70 lo advertise noxious medicines. 1000
nais is,',,niinds. ~ The Pleuro-pneumonia bill
ras ar further considered.
m INGALLS, introduced bill in the Senate
.ho osth m remove the injunction of Sc
VH ''-~ frop, the members of the Fitz Jof
crvc' '1oo,,r4-mastial. Debate on the ~ - -
the construction OF ste as,o,, 81,
'luthostr coupled the remP or " res4ei' aa ~
.ion. in the hoqse -..e Pleuro- Pneumonia
7fI WAS pasSea-lo- 90 1ss, 1t provides for the
creation Of :" 1oyerRsaent Bureou of Animal
Industry, EuogIeS apOn the late Represent
alive faiAskcll. Lot Kansas. were delivered.
IytheSGnate on the 29th nit. a favorable
report was made on the original bill for the
admissien OF Dakota. Mr.. Ransom reported
back adversely the joint resolution for
An appropriation of five hundred thou
.and dollars for the cyclone sufferers
In the South, the distress having
been overstated. The bill for the construc-
ton of steel cruisers was passed-3S to I3.
Adjourned to March 8. In the House. in
Committea of the Whole it was resolved that
General Pleasanton be retired with the rank
If colonel. The Post-Otce Appropriation
bill was reported. An evening session was
held, at which about twenty pension bills
were passed
The Senate was not in session on the 1st. -.
In the House resolution was adopted cali
ing on the Secretary of the Interior for in
formation relative to the unauthorized
fencing in OF public lands in several States
and Territories. Rills were reported to pro-
vide for the issue OF circulating notes to Ma
tional banks, to establish a Board OF Inter
State Commerce. and TO increase pensions.
Huntsville gazette., 1884-03-08

compensation to postmasters SIC, 800, 900,
and provides that no salary of any post
master shall exceed S4 900 per year.
Z. ii. FUNSTON, Republican, was on the
lst elected to Congress from the Second
District of Kansas, to succeed the late D.
Y. Haskell, by majority of nearly four
thousand.
The city election at Lexington. XIV. re-
suited on the 1st in the defeat Of the DEM
ocratic ticket, for the first time in ten
years.
Huntsville gazette., 1884-03-08
"A Young man recently entered ;

-A YOUNG I11H rccc1Ir1J cr1'oTc'' N
Hartford street car, carrying three roses,
one white. one green, and one sal
mon-colored. They attracted much
attention, especially the green. The
owner finally explained that all three
were white that morning, and that the
coloring had been done by putting the
,tem Of one into green ink, and the 9th
er into red ink. The leaves were beau
tifully colored, and the coloring would
not rub off, but it seemed as il nature
had done the work. The process only
required ten mlnutes.-AeW HateR hsa-
fs.sT,
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19
A Wary scotchnnau.

In English family life there are
reserve and constraint, but no in.
Iima,y, no expansion. There is
friendship, but little love. Sons
seldom kiss their mothers, never
their father and hence it naturally
follows, that, whom the father dies,
the only question which is asked
is. "Was he insuredR" and, that
point being satisfactorily disposed
Of, the worthy man is buried, and
no more is thought about him.
In Scotland the relations Of father
and children are even worse. I'm.
less you have been in Scotland you
can have no idea how serious life
can be. A Scotch friend of our
authors goes, it appears, every
year TO spend a month with his
father, q minister Of the Presbyter.
ian church and in other respects o
persons Of consideration. On the
day Of the departure he always
finds on the breakfast table his lit.
tie account for the month, and be.
ing a wary scotchman like his
father, carefully checks the items,
and the addition before paying II,
when this is the sort Of converse.
ton which takes place.
"But, father, l SEQ that you have
charged mo with eggs and bacon
for breakfast yesterday, l assure
you that Inever touched the eggs."
"You are wrong my boy" says
papa. "They were on the table,
There was nothing to prevent your
using them!"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19
The Bad Boys Last Caper.

"What's that9" said the grocery.
man, turning pale and starting for
door, where he found a woodsawyer
away and came in with a sign in
his hand, on which was painted,
"Take one." ~ painted that sign
and put it on a pile Of Chromos Of
a new clothes wringer, for people
to take one, and by gum, tho wind
has blown that sign over on the
basket of pears, and l suppose ev.
cry darn fool that has passed this
morning has taken a pear, and
there goes the profits on the whole
days business. Say, you didn't
change that sign, did your" and
the groceryman looked at the bad
boy with a glance that was full Of
lurking suspicion.
"No, sir.ree," said the boy, as be
wiped the pear juice of his face on
a piece Of tea paper, 81 have quit
allkindsoffool ishness, and wouldn't
play a joke on a craven image"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19
ehooI-Boy on Corns.

u b
Corns are Of two kinds yegela.
bic and animal. Vegetable corn
grows in rows, and animal corn
grows on toes. There are several
kinds Of corns. There Is the uni.
corn, the capricorn, popcorn, corn.
dodgers, field corn, aud corn which
is the corn your feet feel the most
It's said, / believe, that gophers
like corn, bnt persons who have
do mot like to sgo fur" II they can
helpik
corns have kernals, and some
colonies have corns. Vegetable
corn grows on the ears, but animal
corn grows on feet at.he other end
ofthe body. Another kind Of corn
is the acorn; this grows on oaks,
but there Is no hoax about the
corn. The acorn is a corn with an
indefinite article added. Try it,
and see. Many a man when hehas
q corn wishes il was an acorn.
Folks that have corns sometimes
send for q doctor, and II the doctor
himself is ccrned he probably won't
do 50 well II be isn't. The doctor
says corns are produced by tight
boots aud shoes, which is probably
the reason why, when a man is
light, they say he is corned.
fla farmer manages well he can
get a deal Of corn on an acre, but ]
know Of a farmer that has the corn
that makes him the biggest acheI
on his farm. The bigger crop Of
vegetable corn o man raises the
better he likes it; but the bigger
crop Of animal corn he raises The
better he does not likeit. Another
kind Of corn is the corn-dodger.
The way it is made is very simple,
and il is as follows-that is if you
want to know: You go along The
street and meet a man you know
has a corn and a rough character
then you step on the toe tina. has
the corn on it, and SEQ if you don't
have occasion to dodge. In that
way you will be sure to find out
what a corn-dodger is.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES

eMiriah, lam shocked that you
should even think Of having those
simpkins girls as bridesmaids d
your wedding
"Why, mamma, they me two Of
the sweetest, incest, most highly.
cultivated Young ladiesih the city.
They have Travelled all over the
globea received everywhere =
"Bat justthink, Miriah, Of the
stigma which attaches 10 them.
Before the war their father, who
aflerward got rich on an army con.
tracs, lived on a farm and actually
made and sold butter Just think
Of ilp
@But does not my father make
and sell butter, tool"
"No, indeed. Why, you shock
mel How could you think Of such
athingH YOurfather is a manu-.
facturer, and the products he man.
ufactures is not vulgar butter, but
oleomargarine-a highly priced
and very important article Of com
merce."
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19
Heard ina Hotel.

@Who is that man, papa2'
"He is one Of our city fathers
"What is be doing9"
"He is trying to get his dinner
charged to the city account"
@Ishe not able tOpay for hisown
food?"
"Perhaps;but IL is not the usual
wayof doing business"
''Will he succeed in converting
the clerk to his way Of thinking2'
"Not this timer"
"Ishe what you call a "trusted
city oficiala'
"He was, but he got trusted toe
much; he pays cash now for his
meals or gets them somewhere
elso."
evil he go homer"
"No, he prefers to go hungry"
"PerhapShe win go to work."
eyes, working the free lunch
route, according oslang parlance.'
Eyes, papa, but I thought it was
the proprietor Of the hotel who had
worked the free lunch route, and-'
MY child, when you are older
you will know more. No more Of
this subject"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19
He Tried the Pass.

A few days ago a man with a
meek and humble expression and
wearing a summer suit Of clothes
applied to one Of the railroad pas.
senger agents for a dead.head pass
to Toledo.
"why do you want to go to To.
ledoH"
"Togit married.
sand you haven't any money!
"Not above twenty-five cents"
"Not above twenty-five cents"
"Hadn't you better be worth
your fare to Toledo before taking a
wife on your hands to support"
"You don't understand the case"
protested the man, "1'm going to
marry q widow worth at least
5000, and the first thing I shall
do will DO to remit you the price Of
a ticket I'm poor aud the widow
knows it, but she marries mo for
love-"
He protested 80 long and earn.
estly that he was finally passed
down the road. Two days elapsed,
and then a letter was received from
him, saying:
"Heaven bless you for your kind,
nessI Reached here all right, and
married the widow according to
programme. It turns out she isn't
worth copper Inthis emergency
may / ask you to pass US both to
Detroit, where I have hopes Of
striking a jobR"-DetrOa Free Press.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19
Only One Chance.

A passenger on a small steamer
running along the American shore
of Lake Huron hunted out The cap.
tain, and said;
captain, the mate is drunk"
eyes, l presume co." was the re.
ply. "That's the greatest faul! be
has-he will get drunk"
Pretty soon the passenger re.
turned with furthernews. He had
found the chief engineer had acct.
dentally been left behind.
"oh, WE'LL" replied the captain,
"some Of the fircmen will put her
through all right, l guess"
In the course Of half an hour the
passenger discovered that the boat
was not only overloaded but short.
handed and leaking, and he re.
turned to the captain and reported,
and added:
u expect nothing less than to be
blown up before we reach Lexing.
ton"
"My FRIEND" said the captain in
a fatherly way, "that's your only
chance. We won't have a storm,
the mate is SOLDERING up, the boys
have gone down to stop the leaks,
and If we can't blow you up and
settle with your widow for about
$3.50 I'm AFRAID you'll live for seve.
raj years yet. I'll go down and see
ifthore's any chance of an explo.
sion."
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19
An Answer Wanted.

Can any one bring US q case ot
Kidney or Liver Complaint that
Electric Bitters will not speedily
cure2 We say they cannot, as
thousands Of cases already perma.
nently cured and who are daily
recommending Electric Bites, will
prove. Brisht's Disease, Diabetes,
Weak Back, or any urinary com.
plant quickly cured. They puri.
fy the blood, regulate the bowels,
and act directly on the diseased
parts. Every bottle guaranteed
For sale at &c. a bottle by E. ].
Mossman. I'll
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19

Ono perfect diamond is more
valuable than many defective ones.
One truth we'll iexed in the mind
and comprehended is better than
many half understood. A smaller
opportunity fully realized is better
than a great one misimproved.
Tho welth Of affectionsto sympathy
and aid is better than gold, and
fills the soul with most perfect
peace.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19

Man himself is the author Of
most Of his inarmities, and Of
course the greater number origin.
ate purely in mental or moral
causes. 1t would be absurd to
suppose that many diseases, and
deaths too, should not arise from
causes beyond the control Of man,
but his own pursuits and habits in
life lay the foundation Of by far the
greater portion.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19

An Iowa boy, aged is, worked a
month for the physician, of the
neighbOrhOOd, and was given, in
stead Of ten dollars which he ex-
pccted, q recoipted bill for prOfos.
sional service which the doctor had
rendered on the occasion Of his
birth.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-03-19
Rucklen,a Arnlcn Rnlre.

Tho best salye in the world for
Cuts, Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt
Rheum, Fever Sores, letter, Chap
ped Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and
all Skin Eruptions, and positively
cures Piles, or no pay required, II
is guaranteed to give perfect salts.
faction, or money refunded. Price
% cents per box, For sale by E. ].
Mossman. jan23.1y.