The Wilmingtonian., 1884-07-12
HUMOROUS.

A pressing nvitation-Squeczc Inc,
George!
A thorn in bush is worth dozen in the
hand.
Man is the picture, his clothes the frame.
The frame is often worth more than the pic
ture.
Obvious!-Visitor(at our Sunday SCHOOL,:
What it the outward and visible form in
baptism? Pupil tentatively, after long
pause at this poser): Please teacher the
baby?
johnny is just beginning to learn geogra-
ply. He says that the Poles live partly at one
end of the globe and partly at the other. He
knows that is so, because it is marked on
the map.
George is five years old. His mother had
undresesed him for bath before putting
him to bed. As he stood before her, he said:
'Now, mamma, Pm kid. " eyes my DEAR"
said she. ''Do you know what kind of kid
am mammal" ''No, darling" "Well,
nakid."
True modesty. MIR. Spnks: had such
beautiful dream last night, Miss Briggs!
| thought was in the garden of Eden
Miss Briggs with simplicity: And did Eve
appear as she is generally represented, Mr..
Spinks? Mr. Spnks: I-I-T-I didn't look !
A Chicago news aper reporter, who was
walking along road, in the neighborhood
of Concord, over which the famous Jumbo
had just passed, observed the footprints OF
the huge animal in the mud, and, taking out
| his note book, entered the foil owing memo
randum of society item for the journal
with which he was connected :-"It is under
stood that Miss b., of st. Louis, who eloped
u fortnight ago, is making pedestrian tom
of New Hampshire"
A STAND OFF.
A couple of practca! jokers, living at {
big uptown hotel, bought a terrapin while
walking through the market the other da.
and slipped it into the bed OF fresh arriva
who had just registered.
They watched that night until they saw
{ the new conner retire to bed. In about tel
minutes a whte,robed figure began shout
ing down the elevator shaft for the land
lord.
When the crowd got up stairs the victim
conducted the landlord to the bed AM
turned down the clothes.
, Sinister lIotolkeepcr," said the stranger
solemnly, pointing to the terrapin, 'Tn
from New Jersey, and can stand mos
anything, but either that bug or me has go
to take another ROOM
: CRUSHED AGAIN.
The Kecptups had had a matinee 70
members of the family only with more tina
usual spirit, and old Keepitup was tired Q
life. He dashed mp stairs and came dow
in minute with coil Of rope on his arm
'Do you see this?' he shouted. 81 do, "sh
: said very coolly. "What of it? Are 70
@ going to strike me with it?'' ''No," Ii
J replied with forced calmness. Il am goin
a to let you have your own from this tim
: hence(orth. am going out to the barn wit
i this rope and hang myself with it," Mr.,
" Keepitup gave u quick searching glance Q
the rope made sudden jump at him an
captured the deadly weapon. A fierce, tt
umphant light shone in her eyes. ''Not tia
rope you donts she shouted, holding it benin
her back. "Not with a new clothes line thu
cost ME $1.25c. only week ago, you don
hang yourself? Not while I'm alive an
If have got the grit Of woman you don't! 70
go along to the barn and take an old plo
line; that's plenty good enough to hang be
= ter men than ever married into my father
+! family. And be quick about it, tool" ST.
shrieked out of the door after him as /
fled away to the barn, unbuttoning his co
, lar and tearing it off as he ran. "You |
lively about IL, because if there's going to |
. an inquest about this house l want it ovt
" and out of the way before baking day." OF
keepitup didn't do any hanging.