Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1884-11-07
WitticiSns.

fashionable restaurant. Excuse me,
sab, said a waiter. approaching +;
seems to me, sab, Is seen YOU befo'
some place" "Yes, you saw me
when was a young man, full of
health and vigor, with bright eyes and
a keen appetete." L disremember,
sab. Wha' was it9" Right here.
Don't you rememberS" WAL, now,
sab, ct does seem to me like has a
mighty faint recollection OBJ you But,
you see, sab, rs gettin' ole, an my
memory ain es good cs it used to be. ="
Perhaps l can tell you little cir
cumstance that will refresh your
memory of me-" Whats dat, sah2'
Il ordered my dinner of you, and
have been waiting ever since for
it."
The coat was very bad fit-too
full in the back "Thatll never do, :
said the customer; ''it's like shirt on
bean-pole." DOT coat, mein trent, ="
replied the dealer, ''ish very stylish
garment. Look at dot back Mein
gracious, it ish lufy. See dot peauti-
full putliug-der latest style-and
don't you forget it. 1t was made ou
Fifth avenoo. 1t is der Fadder Hub
bard style and ish actually worth SO
much as five toller more for dot cut, :"
and five minutes later the delighted
customer left the store with his Father
Hubbard coat.
Did YOU say there was frost this
morning" inquired the coal dealer of
his clerk the other day. Yes, sir; a
very heavy frost" answered the
young man. "Ah, we'll, l guess the
season will begin in earnest now. Get
that bag of scrap-Iron and hang it on
the under side of the scales. And
then he sent an advertisement down
to the newspaper, setting lorth the
beauties of coal, free from dust, that
weighs 2 240 pounds to the ton.
How little we know of the inner
life of our closest friend While we
may imagine that hls thoughts are OF
friendly serenity, he in thinking may
muse: Strange he does not mention
the So he borrowed from me" All,
human nature, thou art a deceptive
rascal. Thou smilest the smile of the
sweet herb, and thinkest the thought
of quinine.
Johnny Fizzletop is not so indus
trious as he might be at school, and
his father endeavors to correct the
evil. $50 you were kept in again at
school for not knowing your lesson;
just walk into that room,' SAID old
Fizzletop, hunting for strap. "Oh.
no, pa; don't, for heavens sake,
let us have another one of those
scenes"
Policeman (who has made his way
into the Art society s rooms) to nuden
model-Now, then, you get on your
togs, and come along o. mel You've
been exposin' yourself to these here
young men long 'nough. I've been
upon the roof watchin' you through
the top light. You're safe to get forty
lashes, anyhow
"How are you, Barton2 For whom
are you going to vote?" ''Ah, deah
boy, shan't vote at all, don't you
know" ''Shan't vote at all Why
not2" "Should be compelled to
swear that L was bawn in this blawst-
ed country, old chappie, don't you
know"
The continual amp continuous com
plications and complex negotiations o.
the various general passenger and
freight trunk-line associations are be-
lieved 10 date back to when the angel
came into SiIoam and troubled the
pool"
An observing gentleman declares
that woman will locate anything by
its proximity to drygoods or jewelry
store, while man says 1t is SO many
doors from a corner grocery or sa-
loon.
Fashionable caterer say that their
patrons are running to buns-the
genuine English bun. We may there
fore soon see abundance on Ameri
can tables.
Harrison, the boy preacher, is max
ing an attempt to christianize Chicago.
When he gets through it is thought
he will make preachers of his grand
children.
Olive trees do not come into full
bearing until after the twentieth year.
This accounts for tae fact that SO
many olive branches bear wild oats
up to that period.
Janitor to his wife: Bridget. me
darlin', did Mister Levystraus tell ye
to put this pail on the gas2" Bridget:
"No, Pat; but he was afther sayin'
that the gas was lakin', shurei"