The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1884-09-26
WIT AND HUMoR.


trunks of French fneries and new va
Ration of the Abbott kiss. PhiladeI-
phia Press.
20, where shall we find contentp"
walls magazine poet He should in
vito homely girl to polish of n couple
of quarts of ice-cream with him.
"Annex Canada!' cried the bank
Cashier. Heavens. no; hope not.
1t would just take away all chances of
success in my profession!'-LOsoeU Cits-
zen.
Heard at Saratoga-''What is that
girls nameP She looks very awkward
and rustic at this garden party" II
don't know exactly, but should say
she was a Miss Fit.'
Innocent wife-.'What do you mean.
Charlie, by 'straddling blind!' I
should think it was SO much easier to
ride rail, II that Is way you have of
initiating men ut the club"
'In what condition was the patri-
arch Job at the end of his life?" asked
Sunday-school teacher of quiet
looking boy ut the foot of the class.
Dead" calmly replied the boy.
1t is wonderful how prolific the poets
become during . campaign year, es-
peciallN If there Is wet Spring. A
wet Spring acts on poets as 1t does on
squashes-it fills them with sap.-At-
Ianta Constitution.
The census of boarding-school of
forty-eight girls showed that one could
make bread, one knew how to fry
oysters, three knew how to broil beef
steak, forty-sight could embroider, and
forty-seven dance.
There is nothing impossible to the
determined spirit" says philosopher.
Evidently that philosopher never tried
to reach up behind his shoulder to get
hold of the end of broken suspender.
--SomerviIle Journal
1t is q mean father who as early as
11:3O ut night will scare his daughter
from her Alphonso's arms by yelling
from the top of the stair, Sarah, wind
up the clock. II must have run
down. "-Philadelphia Call.
Young men, 1t isn't always the girl
who looks loveliest in the soft, sweet
shadows of the darkening twilight who
~
gray morning. as she wrestles with
kitchen stove. Merchant TrdveIler.
II haven't had bite for two days."
pleaded o tramp. '.Is 1t possibleP"
answered the woman, with sympathy.
"I'll see what can do for you in the
way of bite. Here, Tige-Tige--"
The tramp broke a 81 gate getting
away.
''Her father is nothing but raiser
of calves. anyway" remarked young
man contemptuously of a girl who had
Tilted him. Yes" replied his COM
panion, II heard that he lifted you off
the steps several times. "-Burlington
Free Press.
A pompous fellow made very in
adequate offer for some valuable prop
orty, and. calling the next day for an
answer, inquired of the gentleman
whether he had entertained his propo-
sition. NO." replied the other, 'your
proposition entertained me.".a q
The body of noted horse thief and
all-around 'rustler," known as Black
Pete, was last week found in the lava
beds below Cebello with bullet hole
through his head. The Coroner's jury
returned verdict of skilled by q
thunderbolt from heaven. "-Dakota
Blizzard.
An eastern family received q tele-
gram from the west announcing the
sudden demise of q relative, and they
replied: 'Send on the remains ut
once" No telegram was received in
answer, but in few days letter came,
saying simply: There amt no re-
mains. He war kicd by mul. IN
Y DIAL
She is as old as her husband, but she
eOnceals the dreadful fact. She said
one day: my husband is 10. There
is just two years difference between
him and myself" And the friend was
mean enough to reply: lis IL possibleP
Why, declare to gracious you look to;
be as young as he Is" Thoy do not
speak now.
Tho delay of three weeks in the
issuance of the City Directory was;
caused by tho ''pising" Of the last
signature. The last take Szyman
Zydorczak, was more than slug TX.
would stand; he demanded rule and
figure rates, and. being refused, kicked
the stuffing out Of the form. CSnci'-
nati Sun
A young Wall-strces business man
has written four-sct melodrama
founded on incidents In the recent fin
,ancial panic. We have not seen It. but
1t probably runs about this way: First
scene, Wall street; second scene. de-
tectives' Office; third scene. railway
depot; subsequent scenes. palatial
mansion in Canada. -Piiiodeiphia Call.
The wages OF gang OF Italian labor
ers near Saratoga were recently cut
down 10 cents day. Instead of
striking they cut an inch Off their
shovel blades ut night. The boss
asked what it meant, and one of the
men replied: mot SO much pay. not
SO much dirt lift; MI right. job last the
more long; Italian no fool; he no
strike"
Enter Bridget with ten-by-twelve
mirror. from which part of the quick
silver has been scratched. In her hands,
and the pallor of mortal fear on her
countenance. 'Oh, II yc phase, mum.