The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1884-04-04
MR. SPOOPENDYKE.
uc Dictates a Letter 10 HIS Frien
SpecklewOttIe.

l
dear, take your pen and ink and l will
dictate letter to Specklewottle. If
you will play amanuensis don't see
why / can't be sick just as well as
not"
Mrs. Spoopendyke puttered around
and arranged her writing materials,
"Shall write on card with'a gilt
edge, or shall take note paper?" she
asked.
"You'd better take note paper" re-
piled Mr.. Spoopendyke. severely.
"When want to convey my ideas on
a shingle I'll carve 'em in with knife.
Now, get ready, for I'm going to
start, and don't you interrupt me, or
you will put me out"
can ready, DEAR" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dipping her pen into
the ink, and contemplating her hus-
band, anxiously.
| MI. OoCi ~ EPoOhiCWooeio, oOii
menced Mr.. Spoopendyke.
SIS his middle name 'B?'" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, resting her album
on the table, her head on her hand,
and testing her pen with the blotter.
al don't think i like his name, any
way. Peter isn't nice"
"If any other name occurs to you,
put it in" observed Mr.. Spoopendyke.
with growl You don't need to have
a mans right name in letter. Put
in anything, and hurry up, will you?
Going to keep me in suspense all day
about who this letter is going to?'
Mrs. Spoopendyke plunged into her
work and wrote hurriedly for a few
moments. "Now, I've got him in,
DEAR"
"Got who in? Anybody 1 know?
Am debating a private letter to q
stranger? Got some particular friend
you want this letter to 60 to unbe-
known to me? Who's in there? I'm
going to know who's at the top, be-
fore put my name at the bottom"
"Why, Mr. Specklewootle, of course"
said she, looking at him with wide
open eyes. THAT'S what you said.
Now go on with the rest"
"Have you got the date and dear
sir in too?' asked Mr.. Spoopendyke,
peevishly, for he was trying to think
how to start his letter.
"No. dear, you didn't say anything
about those" replied his wife. "You
only said the name; but I'll put the
others in."
. "Will, will YEP" croaked Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. sticking on great deal of
credit to yourself for your kindness to
the sick, amt ye? Willing to yield
your own preferences in favor of your
suffering husband! Well, you can't
fool me that much. Don't put EN- in,
hear me?"
"But I've got 'em in" pleaded Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
Then strike 'em out" roared her
husband. "S'pose I'm going TO let
you put those things in and throw 'em
up in my face from the moment get
/! we'll till the day die? Scratch 'em
out, 1 tell We. don't propose to have
my life made miserable by reminders
of your kindness when | was fishing
around in the grave with one leg.
Now, what have you got? y
"Peter B. Specklewottle," said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, mentally satisfied there
could be no mistake in that.
Anything to show whether he's a
man or woman?" demanded Mr.
Spoopendyke. "Any mrs. OF esq.
hanging to it anywhere"
Certainly" replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. 1t says Mr.. Peter B. Speckle
wottle.' That's the way you told me
to write it, didn't you2 Now go on
with the letter
"Then put 4 am dying, and l wish
you-"
Great gracious y calculated Mrs.
Spoopendyke, dropping her pen. "You
are not dying, dear; you don't want
the man to think that?'
"Why not" squealed Mr.. spoopen-
dyke. 'S'pose man is going four
teen blocks out of his way to get the
mail for a man who only has a cold in
his head? You put that I'm dying,
or I'll drop over into that corner and
write the whole business with one ap-
plication of the inkstand"
"Go on DEAR" cooed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. l have got it so; only he may
think it strange that a dying man
should write to him"
"Then say, 4 want you to get my
mail from the Office, and tell them l
will be over in a day or two Got
that?"
"Yes." giggled Mrs Spoopendyke
Anything else?'
"What are you laughing at?" howl
ed Mr.. Spoopendyke. on whom the in
congruities of his letter had begun to
dawn. What have you got that
measley mouth of yours stretched out
like dodgasted graveyard for? Think