Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-02-24
hIUNTSIIES.
An Irreverent Importer of the Contem-
pOraries of Harnesses the Great.
Nam YorE TlrihlLae


Nelo York Tribune.
''Some people call me an undertaken.
but how they belle my glorious callingl
| am q resurrectionist and an importer.
Ii every man should regard Egypt with
my eyes there would be no Ell Mahdi, no
Chinese Gordon. and no war in the birth
place Of the gods. The people would be
fat and numerous; money would flow in
upon them with thousand streams, and
the bankers Of Alexandria might have
winter villas along the shores OF Victoria
Lake and estabH a water-cure hotel at
the head-waters of the Nile" And then
the little man took off his dirty little fen
and stamped upon 1t with righteous in
dignation that the land of CheOps and
SesOstrls was going to the dogs with so
many abominable tln-pans tied to its tail.
A Tribune reporter took him by the
third button hole: ''What in the name OF
Osiris are you talking abOut?" he asked.
''Mummies," replied the little man.
"Mummies are things which know more
about than any man living. Brugschi
Bey wasat patch to me, and Ebers, why
he didn't know mummy unless he looked
in the glass. l know mummies because
it is my business. import them and sell
them TOR $50 each TO curiosity hunters.
Mummies are not much of curiOsities now
since they began making paint Of them,
get decent price,"
lit can't be an overwhelmingly funny
trade" suggested the reporter.
mo, young man, you're right. When
one sees a mummy he doesn't 20 into a
corner and hug himself and then die in
horrible commissions. He doesn't hang
himself on a clothes-line, so that all his
neighbOrs can see him, and then laugh
his shoes off. o, mol he simply sits down
a nj fri lot cd
wickedness that old cOdger has seen in
his day, and then goes out and tries to
negotiate a loan on his antiquity.
''Mummies, as a staple article of trade,
are quite new. Ten years ago the idea of
buying and selling human flesh, even
though it is desiccated, would have sent
thrill of horror through every honest
Abolitionist. But nOw-ah, my dear sir,
we live in progressive age. / went into
the business five years ago, when mum.
mics sOld-with the wrapping all intact
at about $3.50. / made a good deal of
money at it, for mummies can be obtained
in the land Of their curing Tor the simple
expense of digging for them. Then the
duty on them is not excessive, and the
consequence is that the profit is exceed
inglY satisfactory"
"Do dummies ever spoil in transit?'
NO." said the irreVerent old man.
"mummies never spoil, young man. They
have been too well brought up for that
sort of thing. Then they are Theoretically
sealed and been well cleaned before can
ming, and there were never mosquitoes in
Egypt, nor Jersey lightning, nor Maine
maple sugar, nor OleOmargarine. The
Egyptians were well-cenducted indi-
viduals who died when their time came
and had themselves sewed and glued up
in the old clothing Of their relatives. No.
they don't spoil, my boy, but they improve
greatly after they have been partially I'M
wrapped"
''In what way, mOst.mIghty sage?"
Nv ell, when we unwrap them the sur
face of the body is almost as white as
your flesh. A white mummy is like curry
without peppers, so we take him out into
the sun and set him full in the RAYS Of it.
Before many days are passed he assumes
a color nearly like that Of California red
wood, and then he is marketable. When
he is sufficiently tanned we varnish him
and you may place him in the darkest
corner Of your brandy closet to frighten
Bridget when she gets thirsty without
endangering bis complexion l could
give you no definite idea how many num-
mics are imported into this country every
year. | myself sold nearly 500 of them in
1888. You see, when a person gets tired
of his mummy and pines to be relieved Of
his uncOmmunicative presence all he has
to do is to break the Egyptian up with an
ak, put the pieces in a cOffee-grinder,
and then mix the dustup with turpentine
and linseed-oil. The result with be an
excellent color with which to paint your
dado an Egyptian red"
"Paint wall with human fiesh?"
"Why, yes. Never let unhealthy senti-
mentality interfere with high art decOra-
tion."