davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
He SWOre Himself.

The San Franciso Chronicle says -
A Montana postmaster, who arranges
the mails for the little town of Birney,
lives eighty miles from notary public.
When he sent i'll his first quarterly re-
port he administered the oath to him
self and then certified to the correctness
of the account. A reply soon came back
from the red-tape headquarters in Wash
ington that he had violated sacred
precedent and must get notary to
swear him. His retort was that he
knew no precedent which would assure
him mileage and travelling expenses for
16O miles in order to get a notary's sig
nature. This left the department not a
leg to stand upon and they have since
preserved discreet silence and allowed
the Montana man to swear as he pleased,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
He was Too COnfiding.

If all men were as innocent and con-
fiding as good Deacon Ebenezer Cum
mings, a pillar in the Orthodox church
of certain town in Maine, who had
slept under the ministrations of no less
than twelve pastors during the thirty
years of holding the DIAGONAL office, this
world would be much more desirable
place of residence than it now Is. Not
long ago certain charges were made in
the church meeting against brother
whose course had long been regarded
with anxiety by the more conservative
members of the parish, and the question
of disciplining him arose. 1t was voted
to be desirable, however, not to excite
scandal or bring cause of reproach
against the church, and, as preliminary
step in the matter. Deacon Cummings
was delegated to visit the erring brother
and inquire into his disposition and in
tention in the affair. Accordingly he
set out. found the subject of discussion
at home, and, after some conversation,
returned to the meeting, which was
awaiting his report. The good Deacon
came in radiant and somewhat 1nd1g-
nant, withal. 81 tell you," said he,
"that Brother Blank has been abused.
He's just as straight as 1 be, or the
minister, either, and there amt a word
of truth in the hull business. "What
evidence, Brother Cummings" said the
pastor, "have you procured to that ef
feet ?" "Evidence p' quoth the Deacon
'.the very best of evidence ! Why, he
told me so himself y In spite of this
convincing testimony, however, it wa
voted to investigate the matter further
| Boston Journal.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
Beware of the Rat-Trap.

Life is one continuous rat-trap, always
set and baited with cheese to catch the
unwary. The business man goes about
his business unconscious that the rat
trap is set where he can get into it. He
extends his business, gives credit and
gets credit himself. everything is BOOM
ing and he is sailing along as nice as
your IA was on the roller skates, when
all at once there is q slack up IN business.
he can't collect what is owing to him,
and he has to pay what he owes, he
clutches and claws at friends for help to
keep him from falling, but friends have
got ell they can attend to to keep on their
feet, and they do not reach out to help
him, and suddenly his feet go out from
under him and he strikes something
hard, and he finds that he Is IN hfe's
great rat-trap, and his creditors do not
hurry to unspring the trap, and he waits
for the plumber as your pa did, and
| thinks what fool he has made of him
self. A boy gets a situation in store
at five dollars a week, and in three
months he thinks he owns the store. He
is promoted and has his salary raised,
and then he begins to dress better than
the proprietor, plays billiards till the
saloon closes, goes to his cheap board
ing place with beer enough in him to
start a new saloon, gets to buying wine
and hiring livery rigs, and some day a
plain looking man calls on him and takes
him up to the police station, where he is
told that his cash account is six hun
dred dollars short, and as he hears the
key turn in the door of his cell he
realizes that he has dropped square or
to Hfe's rat-trap, which he knew wa:
there all baited for him, but he did no
have sense enough to keep away from
All, boy, beware of the rat-trap.-PEoK
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
Marriage by Proxy.

few years ago II ship came into
barl,or at Chatham to be paid off. One
of the sailors being ashore soon prevailed
on a young woman of Rochester to ac-
cept of him as husband, and previous
to returning to his ship left money with
friend to pay for publishing the banns
and all other incidental matrimonial
expenses. 1t was proposed that the
marriage should take place on the
fourth Sunday following, and on the
preceding Saturday the honest tar
asked leave of his captain to go on shore,
which was peremptorily refused. Jack
demonstrated.
Captain, exclaimed he, 81 am gong
to be married tomorrow"
The Captain told Jack that the busl-
ness of the ship in his department was
most urgent and positively forbade him
going on shore. Unwilling to disappoint
the girl and lcse his money Jack wisely
determined to marry her by proxy and
proposed to Will Treadaway, his mess
mate, to undertake that kind office.
"And you, WILL" said he, ''stay with
her on shore and when the gangway is
cleared from stem to stern will come
to you"
Will goes on shore, and informing the
girl of his friends situation and proposal
she instantly consented and was actually
married to Will as the proxy OF Jack;
nor did the minister discover the mis-
take till Will wrote his name in the
book, Treadaway, instead of Salmon.
The clerk cried out, "Why, you arc
not the man asked to church with this
woman?"
To which the honest tar replied, first
devoting his eyes and limbs to confirm
the fact:
81 came here to prevent my messmate
being cheated, and l only marry the
girl for Jack Salmon, my messmate, till
he comes on shore.
Three days afterward Jack came on
shore when he received his spouse from
the hands of his proxy; and lived as
much in peace and tranquility as II he
had originally tied the matrimonial knot
in 9,ro117,jn 7lerSO1u.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
POiiteness in Arkansas.

Let me relate an incident. I suppose
that Arkansas is about as dangerous a
place as Texas for bully to go to, bat
from personal observation at both points
] think Arkansas is q little safer place
for a gentleman than Cincinnati. The
general urbanity of the people aston
ished me more than anything else. This
is what I propose to illustrate. We
stopped at one station, and Travelled
about forty miles by stage. On our re-
turn. the stage-a large spring wagon
without top-was loaded with men.
They were of different types. One had
a bottle of whisky. One was minister
We came to q creek where party had
stopped to water their horses. There
were two women and little girl, appar-
emily very poor. They wore sun-bon-
nets and faded calico dresses. The horse
was poor, and the vehicle was as shabby
and rough an old specimen as l ever
met with, One of the women had un-
hitched the horse and led him back to
the water, and had just turned to come
up the bank as we reached the level after
crossing.
Our driver stopped. A we'll dressed
man hoped out of the stage, and with a
bow, offered his assistance. He led the
old horse up to the vehicle don't
know what else to call it--hitched him
in, assisted the woman to her seat, and
then, as she heartily thanked him, he
politely bowed her good-day, lifting his
hat clear off his head. In moment he
was in the stage again, and on we went.
After my experience in the north, il
struck me that this was all for sport, and
that the men would have lots of fun
about the affair. But 1 soon found il
was all in earnest. All regarded it as 8
matter of course For from that mo-
ment on to the end of our journey, not
one man uttered one syllable about it.
Not sneering remark was made, nc
joke or pun, no remark of any kind-not
one single word I had to confess tc
myself that never saw more pohteness
than this.-NQSbV
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
THE I,IME-KILN CLUB.
WORDS OF WISDOM FROM PARADISE
HALL.
Brother Gardner tells us Something ABOUT
the Right and Wrong of Things.
from The Detroit Free Press.l

From The Detroit Free Press
'Dar am seb'ral things dat doan' look
'zactly right to me-" said Brother Gard
ner, as he rubbed his bald head with
one hand and opened the meeting with
the other.
SIT doan' look 'zactly right to see one
man wuth ten millyon dollars an anoder
wuth only ten cents applause by Sam
uel Shin), but yit if wus de ten millyon
dollar man L wouldn't keer wheder it
looked right or not" Sudden end to
the applause
1T doan' look 'zactly right fur one
man to own a great foundry, while an
oder man am obleeged to work fur him
fur So day "Hear hear p from Judge
Cadaver], but if 1 was de 50 day man
I wouldn't frow myself out of a job to
spite de owner or to please a demago-
gogue." THE Judge subsidies.
''It doan' look 'zactIy right to see one
man hold offs all de time, while anoder
man has to shove a jack-plane fur a
libin' (great rustic in Pickle Smiths
corner), but he who shoves de jack plane
has de respect of de community an
keeps outer jail" Rustic dies away.]
1T doan' look zactly right to see fo'ty
lawyers rush to defend criminal who
has stolen money in his pockets, while de
offender who am moneyless am left todig
his way frew ten-foot wall wild an ole
knife blade (grins on dozen faces; but
if I was lawyer I should airn my
money any odder way except by sawin'
wood. De public doan' look fur any
pertickler display of conscience on de
part of lawyers, an darfore suffer no
disappintments." [Grins no longer OBJ
servable.l
'sIt doan' look 'zactly right fur one
man to have big brick house an an
oder man rough bod shanty, but long
bout tax-time de man in de shanty kin
sit on de fence an chuckle over de fack
dat he haint rich.
''It doan' look 'zactly right to see one
man go pushin' an swellin' an crowdin'
everybody else off de sidewalk to let de
public know dat he am klng-bee, but
such men have to carry de anxiety of
bein' in debt to de tailor an of dodgin'
de grocer an of subscribin' $25 to build
church widout hope of bein' able to
pay ten cents on de dollar.
'In fack, my friends, dar am heaps
an heaps O. things dat doan' look 'zactly
right to us at fust glance, but when ye
come to figger it up an divide an sub
tract we've all got heap to be thankful
fur an to encourage us to get up airly in
de mawnin'. A man kin brace his legs
an lay back like mule, an kick away
at de hull world an hate eberybody an
be. hated in return, or he kin pick up
sartin crumbs o consolashuu. crowd
inter seat in de back eand of de wagin,
an take heap O comfort, KNOWN dat
somebody is wuss off dan himself. Let
us accumulate to bizness."
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
TranspIanting Trees.


A writer in Farm and FTreside, IN his
directions respecting the treatment OF
trees before their removal, states as fol-
lows: ,,I
"a tree in full leaf may be compared
~ n nowerfuI pump, the roots absorbing
water from the soil, which Is carried up
ward through the stem ana eAhaled
from the leaves in the form OF vapor.
This exhalation from the leaves is really
the primary operation, however, beng
simply a process of evaporation. IL,
now the principal portions of the roots
ba cut away, and especially the fine
,ootIe+s which are farthest from the
stem and through whose extremitics
nearly all the water is absorbed, tho
leaves. if allowed to grow, will exhaust
+ba water from the stem and roots moro
ronidly than it can be supplied by the
remnant of the latter, aud the conse-
ouence will be the destruction of tho
tree. Hence, in transplanting trees the
leaf bearing twigs should be cut away |
proportion to the loss of roots, and 1t
should be remembered that the root sur
face is generally equal to that of the
twigs; consequently the safest rule is to
remove nearly all the branches, trim
ming to bare poles. 1t is hard to do thu.
but the after growth of the tree will la
enough more rapid to compensate tie
apparent loss. In moving large trees Il
is an excellant plan to dig down and cut
off large portion of the roots yenr
before transplanting, removing aportio q
of the top at the same time. This vii
cause the formation Of new rootlets neal
the stem, which may be preserved in tht
final transplanting.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
A Creature of Impulse.

A friend of Mr.. Christiancy, who was
acquainted with his divorced wife, said
to reporter the day after the sudden
death of Mrs. Christiancy:
81 never knew a woman in whom the
scale of emotion was so long. 1t ranged
from the loftiest exaltation to the deep
est depression. She was a creature
swayed by impulse. One day she would
be buoyant with hope and the next day
wretched. It was in one of these ex-
tremes that she married Mr.. Christiancy
and in the other that she told him on
her wedding night that she did not love
him, and cursed her fate. However,
she soon returned to her state of exalted
happiness. The Senator told me, even
after his divorce proceedings were begun
that in her happy moods she was one O
the kindest and sweetest women in the
world. Yon may not believe it, or yor
may think he is a fondly foolish ole
man, but Senator Christiancy loved tha
woman with his whole heart and love-
her now"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
A Remarkable Case.

The Dwight insurance suit, which
was ended recently at Norwich, N. Y,
by verdict against the Germania In
surance Company, is one of the most re-
markable civil cases ever tried in court.
Had its incidents been narrated in fiction
they would have seemed too improbable
for belief.
Dwight was o prominent citizen of
Binghamton, who had been colonel in
the war, had held public Office and had
been engaged in various business enter
prises on a large scale. In the summer
of 1878 he became bankrupt. About
this time he applied for upward of three
hundred thousand dollars insurance on
his life in twenty odd companies. His
application was refused by several, but
he succeeded in getting his life insured
to the extent of two hundred and eighty
five thousand dollars.
Soon afterward his death was an
nounced. One or two companies paid
the claims against them; others refused
to pay. Against one of the latter the
suit that has been on trial for about
month in Norwich was brought by the
executors.
The theory of the insurance companies
was that Dwight had taken out an
enormous amount of insurance for the
benefit of his boy and other relatives,
and with the deliberate intent to commit
suicide. There was but one known wit
ness of his death, and it was claimed
that Dwight had hanged himself after
arranging with this man to destroy all
evidence of the act. An autopsy was
made Immediately after the death, and
long after burial the body was exhumed
and coroner's inquest held. The testi-
mony of the physicians and other ex-
perts was conflicting. By some crease
found on the neck was attributed to the
pressure of cord and death to strangu-
lation others gave the opinion that
this mark had been caused by the posi-
ton of the head and that death was not
due to violence.
The companies also offered evidence
of extraordinary conduct on the part OF
Dwight, to show that he had purposely
endangered his life by rash exposure
and in other ways. The further defence
was made that the policies were void by
reason of false representations which the
deceased had made as to his health and
habits.
By its verdict the jury finds that
Dwight did not commit suicide nor
practice fraud upon the companies. 1t
is not likely, however, that this verdict
will be acquiesced in if there is any
ground on which it can be set aside
NeaU York Herald.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10

mercenary, short-sighted man in the
past, thinking of nothing but making
and boarding money, which never did
me or anybody else any good. I'm an
old mani surely can't take it with me
in the other world. haven't kith or
kin to leave it to in this. Phineas
Rugby, wake up! Look about you
There is something in life after ALL"
Merry Christmas to everybody.
Merry Christmas to all.
I'm in the street now, walking along
briskly; breathing in the fresh, effer-
vescing air; humming to myself, drop
ping penny here, penny there in the
outstretched palm of every beggar I
met. Feeling like boy let loose from
rigid school, my feet so light, with the
very thought of what 1 have in my
mind-that they scarcely touch the
walk. 1 go into a poulterers. Z buy
four large turkeys and send them, with
an envelope containing twenty-five dol
sars, to each of my clerks and my book
keeper-from the sold miser'' (my little
revenge, chuckle).
I can't spend money enough. Every
boy meet that reminds me in the least
of little Davey, I take in somewhere
and buy him turkey. Then L order
one of the best dinners that money can
procure to be sent to No. 10 Marks
Place, Jacoby's and Davey's home. q
knew where they lived, had kept an
eve on them, but it had been blind eye,
Phineas). And laden with all the pret-
test books and cards I can get from the
store-my store-the store he thought
so beautiful, I go to their mean house.
not to be so any longer, if old man
Phineas Rugby lived long enough to
chapgeit.
Such ceremony as knocking on the
door, I forget in my excitement as I
burst in like a whirlwind-tearful,f fool
ish-trying to be merry, and failing.
"Jacoby," say, 'forgive me, have
been an old ool-let's-let's-"
He has hold of my hand now, and I
hold the other one out to little Davey as
I say:
"Davey, my little man, your prayer is
answered. Mr.. Rugby sees father could
not help it, and will make reparation,
for tomorrow morning the sign o
Phineas Rugby will make US warm
fire, and in its place new one shall bear
the names of Rugby & Jacoby-God
bless 'em."
christmas comes but once year
'Yet when it comes it brings Uncle
Rugby" says Davey.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10

STAY THERE.-An eccentric farmer
living in Ohio had a flock of sheep that
had not been shorn for six years. The
wool has grown over their eyes and
is so long that it drags on the ground.
On being asked why he did not shear
his sheep, Nh. Sellers replied, "God
put the wool on their backs to stay there
and keep them warm, and do not pro-
pose to interfere" The flock is a great
curiosity, and people come from miles
shaves, cuts his hair or finger nails.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
A Prehistoric Race.

Gail along the Pacific Coast, says a
writer in the San Francisco Bulletin,
"are to be found indelible traces of a
long forgotten and prehistoric race.
While the investigation has been OF but
comparatively recent date, still enough
has been discovered to show that an
almost limitless field has been so far
only dipped into in few places most
easy of access to the explorer. AS yet,
these researches have been confined al
most altogether to the immediate coast
of Southern California and to the cluster
of islands lying at short distance there
from, which are now almost or quite
uninhabited. and are only used as ranges
for sheep and half-wild cattle or hogs.
They are known TO have. been densely
populated in long ages past, as is shown
by extensive remains in the shape oi
burial places and debris of former hab
itations. Large quantities of interest
ing relics have been exhumed ano
shipped to foreign colleges and museums
at different times during the last decade.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10

AWAY THEY WENT.-An amusing
story, by the way, is told of the mares
Bonnie Lizzie and Virginia Bush. On
his farm, wich is near Paterson, n. j.,
Mr.. Galway has half mile track. A few
days ago the two mares were ordered to
be turned odt on it to crop the grass
near the palngs, which was still very
rich. No sooner were they turned loose
than the pair quietly trotted up to the
starting post, and getting into line,
started off at top speed and went the
entire course. After they had passed
the stand they stopped, turned and de-
iberately walked back, as if returning
to scale. Bonnie Lizzie. though heavy
in foal, won the impromptu match and,
her looks clearly showed that she knew
it. The farm hands who saw the race
were very much amused.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10
THE OLDEST CRRLSTqhASRY1fN

Un Book III Of Clement of Alexandria is given liI
5hurch 1t is there Tone hundred and fifty year,
lfter the Apcstles) asserted to be Of much esrnS ne
perfect idea Of its spirit;l
Shepherd of tender youth,
Guiding in love and truth,
Through devious ways;
Christ our triumphant King
We come thy name to sing,
And here our children bring
To shout thy praise.
Thou art our holy Lordl
The all-subduing Word,
Healer Of strife
Thou did'st thyself abase
That from sins deep disgrace
Thou mightest save our race
And give Us life.
Thou art wisdom's High P. +. lest
Thou hast prepared the feast
Ofholy love;
And in our mortal pain
None calls on thee in vain,
Help thou dost not disdaln,
Help from above.
Ever be thou our Guide
Our Shepherd and our PRIDE,
Our staff and song.
Jesus thou Christ of God!
BY the perennial word,
Lead MS where thou hast trod,
Make our faith strong.
So now. and till We die,
Sound we thy praise on hlgh'
And Joyful sing.
Infants. and the glad thronS,
Who to thy Church belong,
Unite and swell the song
To Christ our King.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10

The FINEsT.-President Grevy, if a
Paris story is to be believed, paid a re-
markably point-blank compliment to the
Grand Duke Alexis. "Why doyou look
at me in that way ?" asked his Imperial
Highness, after they had shaken hands.
Because, replied the President, "you
are the finest-looking man that 1 ever
came across"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-10

"CAN you tell me what sort of weather
we may expect next month ?" wrote a
farmer to the editor of his country paper,
and the editor replied as follows: "It is
nv belief that the weather next month
will be very like your subscription bill "
The farmer wondered for an hour what
the editor was driving at, when he hap
pened to think of the word unsettled.
He sent postal note.