The Red Cloud chief., 1884-04-18
The Horne. Made Dude.
"Do they make you tired?"
aa Wan should hnmfb

"Do they make you tired?"
"Well, | should hunt"
The question and its mctaphorical
but vigorously expressive answer were
inspired by the presence of n Detroit
dude "a genuine specimen of the species)
in a GriswOld street barber shop. The
person who proposed the question was
a gentleman who subsequently ex-
blamed that the sight of a dude or even
a dudeling twho merely parts his hair
in the middlej, had almost as marked
an effect on him as water has on a dog
affected with hydrophobia.
Il git quite n procesh OF them things
in my chair" continued the barber.
with a curious nervous movement a
cross between a churkle and a shudder
-''but Jest as soOn's warm weather
comes I'm goin' to rattle ZEN out, now
don't you forget it"
Why? Are they not profitable Gus
tomers:5'
Not much, There's that little felle-
that jest went out. We call him Lizzie
here in the shop-when he amt around
because he's more like 4 girl goin' to
her first ball than a man | don't
'spose he's more'n twenty years old,
but his git-up'S a killer. He come in
here the night of the swell skatin' party
at McQuade rink, with a claw-ham-
mer coat on under a taller (new-market
you know, that pretty nearly dragged
on the ground. a white handkerchief
spread out under his vest, and the
darndest toothpicky pair of %toothpick
shoes on / ever got Onto-and I've seen
some tough ones in my time. | was
waitin' on n customer, and so this Teller
he set down in that very chair YOU re in
now. hauled on a one-eyed eye-glaSS,
stuck it into his right eye, screwed up
the right-hand corner of his mouth and
made out : f he was a readin. Air.
Mcrryweather. there, laughed 50 much
he's been sick ever sence.
When / got through with my regu-
lar customer | tried I fish up an eX-
cu>e I o git out of the shop, but the dude
got INTO me and | was stuck. | had
TO bang his hair, then part ii down the
middle a little WAYS and then plaster it
and bring the ear-locks forward. After
that he wanted a hand-glass. and then L
had To arch up his eyebrows. which he
wouldn't let me do till he'd stuck that
one-rIeI glass in again.
We'll. you made at least dollar on
the job?'
Got Jest twenty-five cents. Why,
every time that teller and his kind come
around they want the ends of their hair
trimmed and don I never want to pay
more'n ten cents for it. ether"
What is your observation with re-
spect to the intellectual strength OF men
who part their hair in the mddle?'
.'Oh. that depends. We Git CanuckS
and Enclishmen here sometimes who
do that and yet who seem TO have horse
sense; but when it ONE 20 u w
country folks (Americans. L mean not
Africans.) the fellerS that part their
hair in the middle don't amount 10 a
hill of beans-can't talk about anything
but clothes and hair oil. with nOw'n
then an exception bout gals. Never
saw one of them cusSes that didn't
think every gal he knowed was dead
gone on him. and I'll bet money not one
of 'em could tell f. save his soul when
the Mayf,ower come over OIL whether
Abe Lincoln o. BiSma OK issued the
emancipation proclamation
Here Mr. Merryweather seized the
opportunity to remark that none o
them dudes daSt 20 to the roller skatin'
Kinks for fear all the ladies d be after
EN- to skate to fast music, and that d
sweat their bangs all out
-S-S-s-h!' commanded the boss as an
other dudelet swung open the door and
came %simpering along to the enemy S
chair.
The boss winked wickediy. Mr..
Merryweathcr stuffed one fist into his
mouth, the historian 81 the episode paid
for two weeks shaveS and the curtain
dropped. Detroit Free Press.