Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1884-11-26
PLEASANTRIES.

Two American pOOtS, dCCOAuAhS w NA
exchange, were born on the same day.
It must have been Friday Burlington
Free Press.
Bob BURDETTE, the humorist, always
wakes his mustache before he begins to
lecture. He does this in order to enable
his audience to see the points.
HOLLAND has 10000 wind mills. Dur
ing presidential campaign, America
can see Holland and go her about 3d.
600 better Norristown Herald.
"YoU got off from that charge of burg
larry see." eyes, the judge discharged
me-" "Why?" Because the prosecu-
tors name was spelled wrong in the in
dictment.- The Current.
"HALLol" shouted one boy to another
whom he saw running wildly down the
street. "Hallol are you training for
racer" NO." called back the flying
boy, "Tm racing for train"
"WHAT are you in here for?" asked
the visitor at the penitentiary. "Cause
I was put in" growled the poor prison
er, savagely; "yer didn't think I come
in cause 1 liked it, did yer?"
SIS that your boy, John?" eyes; do
you think he takes after meP" "He
might have the disposition to do it, but
after you'd had chance there wouldn't
be anything left for him to take"
WHAT is weather report?" asked a
small boy who was reading paper. IL
don't know precisely, but suppose
that thunder is one kind of weather re-
port" responded his parent Texas
Siftings.
A FLOATING bath house from Pough-
keepsie has been laid up for the winter
at the gas house wharf. A little girl
who saw it at distance exclaimed:
cob, papa, lookl there comes a house
and lot down the river"
A BARBER says that when lady's
hair begins to come out, as after fever,
it is much better to SINCE it off than to
cut it. That is all very well, but what
is to be done when a mans hair begins
to come out after he is married z"
"JUsT look at that dress; my, don't
she put on agony?" remarked a Heights
lady to her husband as they met lady
on the street. "I think it's her husband
who puts on thelagony when he gets the
bills" he replied as he looked askance
at his wife.
AN ingenius woman has devised "a
plan for getting satisfaction even from
her spouse's sonorous SHORES. When he
gets well under way she ties a mouth
harmonicon under his nose, and she de-
clares the music is lovely Philadel-
phia Record.
In Sunday-school the teacher had
been explaining the text, "Let your
1. Wsch1nor RI if
they understood the explanation, he
said to boy: "Well, tell me how and
why we are commanded to grid up our
loins." ''To keep up our breeches, sir"
replied the youth Scranton Repubi-
can.
A LITTLE girl was told that she must
not go to the currant bushes-that the
currants would make her sick. She
said that she did not mean to, but satan
tempted her. ''Why didn't you pray
sGet the behind me, satan @" asked her
mother. 81 did," was the reply, "and
he got right behind me and pushed me
into the bushes"
WE do not remember where we heard
it, but it is SO good we repeat it without
authority. It was an Illinois court.
"Have your" asked the Judge of re-
Gently convicted man, anything to offer
the court before sentence is passed ?"
"No, your Honor" replied the prisoner,
"My lawyer took my last cent. y
Bloomington Eye.
SCENE on a railway platform at
Heidelberg Traveller to university
student: "Sir, you are crowding; keep
back, sir" =. S. (fereely); Don't
you like it? Allow me to tell you that
am at your service at any time or
place." Traveller (benignantly): "Ah,
indeed, that is very kind in you. Just
carry this satchel for me to the hotel
[German Paper.
A BURGLAR at Marysville hid under a
woman's bed, forgetting that is just
where the regulation woman always
looks before retiring. When discovered
he had the presence of mind to pull out
mouth organ and wheeze out ''Sweet
Violets" She set up the fruit cake and
wine and said she felt in her ''bones"
somebody was going to serenade her
soon.-I San Francisco Post.
A MAN entered a store the other day
and began to MARBLE "Sweet Violets. !"
What the dickens are you making that
racket here for?" cried the proprietor.
picking up a club and advancing
threateningly toward the singer.
"Why, 1 see in your window some goods
labeled Going for a song,' and Sweet
Violets' is the only song I know" He
was permitted to depart uniniured.-
INorristown Herald.
JOHNNY was bright little kid and had
taste for good things. One day he
was looking at the clock in the dining
room and his grandmother noticing him
inquired what he was doing. SIN look
in at e flock" what are you doing
that for2" You can't tell what time it is. !"
"Es tan too" "Well now, tell grand
ma what time it is." "Wy, dan'ma, it's
time 100 was divin' Johnny piece of
pie in e pantry. Merchant Traveller.
"WHY am ole Aunt Ann Like neigh