Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1884-07-24
SHIT 0UT.

SHIT or.
nst ward the end of an afternoon
IN December. and Wilfred Rolleston IS
walking alonga crowded London streer
with his face turned westward A few
moments ago snd he was sczrcelv con-
scious Of where he Was or where he
mear. 70 90; he was walking on me-
chauically in \ hezTy stup0r. through
which there stole haunting sense Of
degradation and despair that tortured
him duly And suddenly. Is IL by
magic, this has vanished. he seems to
himself TO have walked from miserable
day dream 10 the buoyant consciousness
Of youth and hope. Temperameuts
which are sub ;cct TO fits Of heavy and
canseless depression have their CON-
pensafions sometimes In the verv vio-
lence Of the reaction which follows;
the Infesfing cares. as in Longfell0w's
poem. fold their tents. like the Arabs.
and IS silently steal zwsy." and with
their retreat comes an exquisite exhila-
ration which more equable dispositions
tan never experience
Is this so with RolieSuon now? he
only knows that the cloud has lifted
from his brain. and that in the clear
Sunshine which bursts upon zim he can
look his sorrows In the face. and that
there IS nothing In them so terrible
after ali.
Il Is true that he IS not happy at the
big city DAY school which he has Just
left How should he be- He IS dull
and grabbed and uncouth. and knows
too wen that he Is general object Of
dislike: no one there cares to associate
with him. and he makes no attempt to
overcome their prejndices. being per-
fecfly aware that they are different from
him. and hating them ior II. but hating
himself, perhaps. the most
And though all his evenings are spent
~ home, there is little rest even for
him there: for the work for the next
dar mnst be prepared. and he sits over
il I'll late. sometimes with desperate
efforts to master the difficulties. but
more often staring At the pages before
him with eyes that are almost willfuliv
vacant
Al this had been and is enough in
Itself to account for the gloomy state
into which he has sunk But-and how
could he lave forgotten it2-it is over
Tor the present
Tonight he viii not hzTe TO sit M
struggling with the tasks which viii
only cover him with fresh disgrace on
the morrow: for a whole month he need
not tAink Of them. nor of the classes in
which the hand os every one Is against
him For the holidays have begun; TO-
- - - l. - r
there no reason for joy and thankfulness
IN that What \ fool be has been 70 let
those black thoughts gain such q hold
oEe- him
Slowly, more as If il had happened
long time ago instead Of quite recently,
the incidents Of tie morning come back
% him, vivid and clear once more
morning chapel and the doctor sermon.
and afferwzrd the pretense of work and
relaxed discipline in the class-rooms,
when the results of the examinations
had been read out. with the names Of
the boys who had gained prizes. sad
their remove to the form above. He
had come out last. of course. but noone
expected anything elso from him; n
laugh had gone round the desks when
his humble total closed the list. aud he
had joined in Il to show them he didn't
care And theE the class had been dis
missed. and there had been friendly
g0od-byes, arrangements for walking
home in company or for meeting during
the hulidsys-for all but him; he had
gone out alOns-and the duh blaakness
had como over him from which he has
only just recovered
But. for the present at all events. be
has got nd OF Ii compIetely; he is
gcing home. where 1t least nc is not
tcspised. where he viii find sanctu- /
AIRY from gibes and josflings and i'm /
positions; and the longer he thinks of I
this the higher his spirits rise. and be 4
steps briskly, with kind of exaltation. /
until the people he passes in the streets I
turn and look 1t him. strIck BY his ex- .
preston They can see how jolly I'm 1
tseliR." he thinks, with n smile
The dusk is falling. and the shops he /
passes are brilliant with lights and /
decorations. but be does not stop to /
look af any Of them; his mind is busy 4
with settling how he shall employ him /
self on this the first evening Of his lib /
erfy-the first for 50 long on which he /
could feel his own master.
At first he decides to read Is there /
not some book he had begun and meant /
70 finish so many days ago Bow that /
he has eveE forgotten what il was all /
shout, and only remembers that il was
exeiting7
And yet. he thinks. be won't read to-
night-n0t on the very first night of
the holidays Quite lstely-yesterday /
OF the day before-his mother had 4
spoken to him. gently but very seri-
ously. about what she called the mOrose
and undiscipiined temper which would /
bring misery upon him II he did not /
set himself earnestly % overcome IT,
And there were times, he knew. 4
when Il seemed as If n demon possessed /
him and drove him 70 wound even those I
who loved him and whom he loved
times when their affection only aroused /
IN Kim some hidsous spirit of sullen
contradiction.
h feels s0ffened now. somehow. sad
has a new longing for the lore be has
50 often harshly repHlsed- He vii over
come this suikiness of his; he viii begin
this very evening, as soon as he gets
hume he viii tell bis mother that he is
sorry, fhaf be does love her really, only
that when these Its come on him be
hardly knows Whist he SAYS OF does.
And she viii forgive him. only too
I