The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-09-25
The Torpedo Bell-KnOb.

The Man with the Cold Tea Scheme
looked laorose and uncomfortable as he
masticated toothpick and corrugated
his brow. His looks were so uninvi-
tingly unsocial that the Thin Man With
out Shirt Collar hesitated to address
him. But at last sympathetic fellow
ship, tinged with curiosity, overcame
his hesitancy, and the Thin Man polite
ly inquired:
''Anything wrong, Mr.. Goshorn?"
Nothing special,' somewhat snap
pingly responded the Cold Tea Man.
''Ain't got over your Fourth yet?"
saint been on no Fourth"
Couldn't you get patriots pass to
Chicago?'
Didn't want none p"
Tell us your excitement, Mr. Cos
horn," said the Thin Man, persuasively.
"Why, Jarply," said the Cold Tea
Man, 81 am simply disguised. The best
and most disinterested actions of man 8
| life are liable to be misconstrued, and
! oftimes the purest of motives are dis
torted by circumstances into deliberated
wrongs, while our very kindnesses
bring us enemies"
| H.
''It's a fact. Yes, sir solid fact. :"
''Look at me. I've got one of the
best mother-in-lawsi in the world. She's
! great on putting up preserves and
| pickles and jams and things, and be-
| sides that she makes the finest butter I
have ever eaten. She's liberal, too, and
keeps Sarah and me well supplied
But like all old people she is whimsical
and takes affront easy, and when she
ascends to the pinnacle of her ear it's
month of Sundays before she comes
| down.
'sBut what has all that to do with un-
requited affections?" asked the Thin
Man.
s'Just this: I'm living in neigh.
borhood where there are a great many
mischievous boys. In fact, the locality
is full of them. don't see what peo-
pie want with somany boys. Common
sense ought to tell them that the market
is overstocked, and"
ga producers shutdown movement
ought to be inaugurated, you think, y
suggested the Thin Man.
''Well, yes, something of that sort.
! You see these little rascals have got in
the habit of pulling my door bell just
for the fun of hearing me come to the
door and swear. It's got to be terri
BILE nuisance, and Sarah and put our
heads together to find some way to stop
it. We just wanted to scare them-not
hurt them, you know. At last in
vented great scheme. I bored three
| gimblet holes just back of the bell knob
and put powder in them. Then fixed
percussion cap on behind, so that
when the door knob was pulled If
would explode the powder and give the
little rascals a good fright.
''That was great scheme"
80, yes, it was great scheme, but
it kicked. fixed it all up to work like
a clock, and yesterday afternoon Sarah
and sat quiet in the front hall await
ing for the boys to come and take a
pull Presently we heard step on
the front stoop, and Sarah says:
There they comet Keep quiet says
/; now there'l be fun And just then
the door bell was jerked and the pow
der went off with fizz and bang,
and there was the greatest clawing,
screaming and tumbling down steps
that / ever heard in my life. / jumped
up and threw the door open, and there
lay Sarah's mother in fit on the side
walk. She'd just come to town to give
us surprise visit, and had got caught
on that internal door-knob. All the ex-
planation in the world would not sat,
isfy her. As soon as she could stand
up she went of vowing we were saw
ages and had made an attempt on hel
life to get her property, and this yeal
we will have to do without preserves
and country butter y - Philadelphia
Chronicle.