Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-06-09

only once in two minutes. OF course, the
bee wants to give the man time to howl.
Jones has been in the habit of taking
physic in the spring for twenty years.
He says he does not know as it does him
any good, but he thinks it shows his
physical endurance.
An umbrella carried over a woman, the
man getting nothing but the drippings Of
the rain, signifies courtship. When the
man has the umbrella and the woman the
drippings it indicates marriage.
A country paper tells of smart wife
that helped her husband to grow seventy
acres of wheat. The way she helded him
was to stand in the door and shake q
broom at him when he sat down to rest.
''Where shall we go for the summer?'
is the question that now agitates society
Why not 60 home for a change? 1t will
beat the seven-by-nine rooms in the sum-
mer hotels all hollow.
neighboring paper, reporting re-
cent social, says: 'The opening piece
was rendered by mule quartet The
reporter wrote it male quartet, but the
compositor knew BETTER
A Louisville reader asks paper there
if it is true that mans nose gets redder
after he stops drinking than it was be-
fore. The editor frankly replies ''Don't
know. We never tried it.
Chow in the world did they come to
name you Susanna?" asked Mrs. Black.
Greatly, / don't know, precisely" re-
piled the young lady, very demurely,
''but suspect it was because 1 happened
to be girl
"My dear Miss A., this ring, which ]
would ask you to accept of me, is emblem.
attic Of my love for you; it has no end.'
| ''Thank you very much, Mr.. B.; it curl
ously resembles my love for you: it has
no beginning"
"Did you come here to see my sister,
eyes, my little man." 'sWel, you can't
see her tonight, cause she's sick.
"What's the matter?" ''Our big dog rar
off with her new teeth this afternoon ant
she can't find 'em anywhere
A young fellow who was courting was
at last permitted by his lady love to kiss
her. In telling a friend of the ecstacies
of the blissful moment, his friend asked
Glow did it feel?" "Just as if 1 was 6
mile and half beyond heaven"
A pompous man, when discussing {
certain matter with lady, exclaimed
81 know am right, madam. I am per
fectly sure that 1 am. 1 will bet my ears
on it, madam ''Do you think it right tc
carry betting to such extreme lengths? p
quietly responded the lady.
''WeI, Pat" was asked of recently
arrived emigrant, ''and how do you like
American" "It's foine country, sor.
''Have you succeeded in getting worl
yet?" ''No, sor; but have a friend il
Washington who is after getting me
pinsion.'
A teacher was trying to make Johnny
understand the science of simple divi
sion. "Now Johnny" she said, ''if yol
had an orange which you wished to di
vide with your little sister, how mucl
would you give her?" Johnny thought i
over for moment and replied ga suck
woman will wear a hat trimme,
with birds, a sheaf of wheat, a small ali
gator and other articles of like descrip
tion and be perfectly happy. Yet tina
same woman will complain bitterly if he
husband happens to come with a plain
ordinary, everyday brick in his hat. Such
alas, is the inconsistency of woman.
A western farmer who had bought
music stool returned it to the dealer an
demanded his money back, saying: -
took it home careful, as you could sc
for yourself, and l gave it turn. and ey
cry one Of the children gave it a turr
and the missus gave it a turn, and neve
tune could one and all of us screw or
of it. It's no more music stool than III
four-legged washing stool the missus SET
her tub on ~