The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1884-09-10
wIT AND HUmoR.

Carving 4 fine art. Husband--s.M Mary,
has the dog been at this meat? Wife
mo. dear. ! carved when you were
away yesterday. "
An American woman has secured 8
patent for "A ash-sifssr. and now al
that Is wanted Is 2 patent eonfr1Tancef
70 make 4 servant girl use Il
Going 70 sing ia tie chorus to-mor-
row. asked one member of the choiE
to another. ..0f chorus ! am, was
the answer, which nearly killed the
questioner.
A Boston female baseball reporter
put it this way: '.At this point the del |
egate from Boone County got tired OF
keeping second warm, and vigorously
limbed it for third. =
The school Of telegraphy for women
IN Cooper Institute. New York, Is over
crowded. There Is no business that
lets one into other peoples secrets ike
the telegraph business.
The cost of living is just about the
same all the year round. When coal
and gas bills lessen, ice and fruit bills
increase, and then as fruit gets cheap
cholera morbus medicine goes up
Philadelphia Call.
The Prince of Wales owes $1,000
900, but be can't run away to Canada,
ike that sort of capitalists in this
country. When Canada is annexed to-
the United States his opportunities viii
be improEed.-Merchant Traveller.
There comes a time in every little
girls life when she is seized with q
longing to cook And there comes 3
time in every big girls life when she
is seized with longing to hire some
body else to cook. 1t comes after she
gets married.
Mo- said the housemaid, 81 don't
apologize to man when throw a
bucket of water down the front steps
to wash 'em, and he comes along and
gets drenched. I've tried apologizing,
but I've found there's nothing you can
say to man will satisfy him.
The country merchant is entitled to
a chance. When he comes to a hotel
in the city he cannot shake hands with
two drummers at the same time until
he puts down his valise, and he should
be allowed to register his name before
his coat-collar is pulled of.-Neg Or
leans Picdyitae.
The Arctic regions are not without
their pleasures. The Esquimau girls
are very pretty-dance, sing, and do
not care for ice cream. Hot drinks
and walrus blubber are their peculiar
yapities. and scalskin saeques are sold
at two iron hoops and tenpeRny nail
Boston Transcript
l am determined to learn at what
hour my husband comes home nights;
vet. do what / will, [ cannot keep
awake, and he is always careful not to
make particle Of noise. Is there any
drug which produces wakefulness?-
Wife. No need to buy drugs. Sprinkle
the floor with tacks.-PhttddetphtG
| Cal.
Yes" she said to her escort as they
glided around the rink, Il do love rol-
Ter skating. While you are sailing
around, your soul seems floating to-
wards heaven, and" just at that
moment both of lIeF souls aoated away
toward heaven, and the rest Of her
smote the earthly floor with mighty
mite.-Sgracuse Herald.
II there is anything that will make a
man cordially hate himself, Il is when
he takes walk about q mile to the
post Office to find that he has LETT his
KEYS at home, and then on going back
after them to find on opening the box
that the only thing in it is o card noti-l
flying him that his box rent is due
Boston Posi-.
! Wizard yer git dat hatehet?" ask
ed an old negro of his son, Foun' it
in MIR. Johnson's yard on er stump
Oats all right, den, chile. / wuE
Altered dat yer d stoPd it Allus be
koreful how yer pick up things whut
doan' long ter yer, but when yer finds
er thing. lessen de owner is lookin' at
yer, it's yourn. -ArkansqRO 4rqgeler.
Have you any nice books for a gisi
of my age?" asked a pert littie brunette
of the librarian in a public library.
''Yes, ! think so, replied the polite
young fellow. trying to think of some
thing ''just her size. Have you read
Sixteen Summers?' "0h, blessyog,
no!' exclaimed the Mortified maiden,
turning as red as a boiled lobster
''I'm only 10 summers oldl''
While an enterprising gentleman,
who had recently connected his house
and Office By telephone. was eonvers-
ing with his wife about bringing up a.
friend" to dinner. an electric disturb
ance took place and the lightning sud-
denly entered the Office by the wire
and prostrated him When he came
to, he calculated: s.All right, Susie.
I'll do Just as you say; don't hit me
again. - Florida Times Union.
A lad in an English school. on being
asked who Moses was, replied: :. He
was an Egyptian. He lived in Q bark
made of bullrushes, and he kept a gold
en- calf and worshipt braiZen snakes.
and he het nothing but quales and
manner for forty years. He was kort
by the air of his ed while riding under
the bow of tree. and he was killed by
his own son Abslon as he was hanging
from the bow His end was piece. y
DIR. Xenker, after 9 long inyestiga-
ton, concludes that the strained. pecu-
liar position into which the legs and
feet are thrown while digging and
gathering potatoes has been found to
produce. in some cases. singular dis
ease, thought TO be neurosis of the To-
comotor apparatus Of the feet and legs,
the thighs and trunk not being affect
ed Scientific Paper DR.. XenkeF's
observations have been OF very super
fetal kind if he has failed to notice the
interesting fact that neurosis of the To-
cometor apparatus usually occurs when
the boy who digs wants to stop and go
fishing. and his pa won't let him. IN
didnapolts J0ttr1ul.
Some of Floyd county's e0lored citi-
gems can take the cake when Il comes
to names. One OF them is known as /
Charlie Fancy; another sails under /
the paralyzing adverb Furthermore
David Fnrthtrmord. Al third one of /
the colorcd brothers surnamed Higgins
proxies the suspicious adjective Anon I
ymouse to his first name. and filings i
his ballot as Anonymous Higgins. The
White family adds two more oddities
TO the list There is January White
and Weary White. and il Is asserted hv
those who know that Weary has been
tired ever since be was born. Rome
Ga. Courier.
How to keep pledge: Pete Fowler.
although somewhat addicted to drink,
had considerable literary taste. h
was a great borrowerof books. but he
rarely returned any. owing more to
carelessness than to anything else.
His friends had frequently got him to
sign the pledge but be invariably went
back on It. He was complaining one
day to friend Of his inability to keep
he pledge, when the latter said: s.pII
ell you. Pete. how ron can keep your
pledge. How can keep the pledgegs
asked Pete, swinging helplessly to .
lamp-post Easy enough. The next
lime ron borrow book put the pledge
d It Then yous u keep i for good.
Texas SlTlings.
The Joneses have gone to the
said Mrs. Smith. and