davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
The BrooI.l,n Rrldrr.

After about fourteen years hard lab6r
de great suspension bridge between
New York and Brooklyn mas been com.
pleted, and thus two cities connected in
manner Rbisliyas never dreamed 9TH
Revolutionary times Ills indeed ne
GROWING work Of The century, and can
be classed among the wonders OF az.
country. The Suspension bridges al
NiagrTa Falls and oSerths Ohio river II
Cincinnati, are merely foot bridges in
comparison with It. lis dimensions,
history and cost are familiar 70 all read.
ers Of the daily papers, and do not need
to be repeated here; but We do wish to
speak Of PsauSA, the greatest discovery
Of this century. Itisa medicine dlscoy-
erred by DIS. B. Hartman, oiPittsburgh,
and prescribed by him in thousands o.
cases during thirty years Of continuous
practice. Ask your druggist Tor the
pamphlet entitled tho "Ills Of Iiie,''
which giyes full and complete directions
for the preservation Of the health. Try
PeniNG, the great tonic
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
OcLlIlree,s Hard Luck.

Detroit Times
Tom Ochlltrce, the red-hcaded
Texas member who shares the
honor of being the biggest liar Of
the south with Joe Mulhatton,
came into the house the other
day with all the indications of a
bad spree on his countenance,
His associates greeted him aud
inquired:
"NYhat the devil have you been
doing, Tom? You look as
though you had been on a lark.
Tom answered that he had been
up all night playing poker.
"What luck?"
never lad sucn luck III my
life--curso it, Why, l lost S6,.
OOO."
"Six thousand dollars" echoed
his friends in amazemcnt.
eyes," said Tom, turning to
his seat, "and the worst of it is
that $40 of it was IN cash.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
Cylinder TlmDers a Spcelnlty
LECTURE.
MANHOOD
How LOst, How Restored

Just published, a new edition Of Dr.
.OULVERWELL'S Celebrated Essay or
the radical cure SpernatorrhGa or Semi
mel Weakness, Involuntary Semi al Loss
es, lmpotenCy, Mental and Physical In
capacity, ImpedimentS 10 Marriage, etc.
also Consumption, Epilepsy and Fits
induced by self-indulgence, or sexua
extravaganza, &c.
The celebrated author, in this ad,
mirable essay, clearly demonstrates from
u thirty years successful practice, that
the alarming consequences Of Self,
Abuse may be radically cured; pointing
out a mode Of cure at once simple, Ger.
tain, and efFeCtual, BY means OF which
every sufferer, no matter what his con.
dition may be, may cure himself cheap
ly, privately and radically.
This Lecture should be in the
hands Of every youth and every man in
the land.
Sent under seal, in a plain envelope
TO any address, postpaid, on receipt oil
four cents or two postage stamps, adj
dress
THE 0ULVERWELL MEDICAL 90.
Al Ann ST., New York, n. Y.
Post Office Box $50. roctlO-ly.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
[augsly.l
tCOattaussttss laasnaJ
How Watch Cases are Made.

ThisprOcessofmanuhaurcv asin7eutcd
By james Boss, who started in business in
1854, and the methods and tools used in
making these watch cases are covered by
patents. 7Ris il he only rGtsh cas-. made
uada Gspsesa. For many yeas the In
PRODUCTION of these goods was slow, owing
topopulafprejudice against 'plated9 goods
but gradually the public learned that tho
Jana BoR God Ratck Cue was no. a
chap gold-paahsd or eleeroplatsd article,
but was made Of genuine sOld plates Of
standard qualify and thickness. Conscientious
adherence to the determination to make
the bet watch case ever put on themarket
and the adoption Of every improvement
suggested, has made the James Bog God
Kaeh Gaze the STANDARD. ,oa " S,s
In this watch case the paris 8 o
most subject tOwear-the bOs, rOrn, hinge,
lsmb-oalehss, etc, aremade Of SOLID GOLD,
Ssa ,,ht I,sp 10 I,,,.sus Vista css Ts,.ri.. IAs.
dsPAla ~ fr kaAA,sas Tutrlisa tIAsuissAss
ILns BoI AAAIsyIlSas NIisA eaa m nAAA
tDH soasnsAaJ
Faug29-ly-ch. WI
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

STANDARD TIME.-East OF Hun
tingtOn, 10Th meridian, or Eastern time;
West Of Huntington, 10th meridian, or
Central time, which Is one hour slower
than Eastern time.
No. !, daily except Sunday, Old Point
10 White Sulphur; leaves White dulphnr
daily, except Saturday, arrives in Gin.
cinnati and Louisville daily, except Sum
day. Pullman Sleeping Cars from Cliff.
ton Forge and White Sulphur tost. Lou.
is, Mo, and Columbus, Ohio, without
change.
No. ., daily between Ashland and Clii.
ton Forge leaves Clifton Forge daily,
except Saturday; arrives at Old Point
daily, except Sunday. Pullman Sleep
ing Cars White Sulphur to Washington
and Baltimore, and White Sulphur 10
Richmond.
Nos. 3 and !, Solid trains daily, with
Pullman Sleeping Cars, between Wash
ington, Richmond, and Louisville and
Cincinnati. DOnOt stop for local busi-
ness.
No. ., daily except Sunday, Richmond
TO Clifton Forge; daily between Clifton
Forge and Ashland. Pullman Sleeping
Cars Baltimore andWashington TO White
Sulphur, and Richmond to White Sui.
phur.
No. Q, daily except Sunday, from Lou.
isville, Cincinnati, and Lexington, ar
riyes White Sulphur daily for Old Point
daily, except Sunday. Pullman Sleep
ing Cars, St. Louis to White Sulphur and
Clifton Forge, via Louisville Air.Line,
and Columbus TO White Sulphur vim
Ashland.
Charlottesville accommodation. - No. z
leave Richmond, except Sunday, $50 p.
NJ; arrive Charlottesville, Oils p. NJ,
Train No 6, connects viii Old Domin-
ion Steamers at Newport News, 100 p.
NJ, on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
and Saturday arrives New York next at-
ternoon.
Trains from old Point Comfort mike
direct connection at H., f. &P, Junction
for Washington and New York. No om-
nibus transfer required.
For Rates, Tickets, Baggage, Checks,ap-
ply to any Office OF q. & y. Ry; or Depot
or Ticket Office OF connecting lines.
.. w. SMITH, II. w, FULLER,
Gen'l Manager. Gen'l Pass'r Ag't.
inly+-tt
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
Gen. Sl,nrp,s First Cnse .

Pittsburgh Times.
81 lost my first case to a miser-
able little pcttifogging lawyer
named johnny Wood," said Gen,
Sharp at Chicago, during tile con-
.vention, to a group of Arthur
men, who had lost interest in the
proceedings and were gathered in
his room for the comfort of being
together. 81 was a graduate of
Harvard law school, and had a
good deal of conceit, besides q
perfectly good case. When my
senior warned me that l would
have to meet Johnny Wood |
laughed at him. The suit was be-
fore justice of the peace. We
made out our case, and Woods
client, the plaintiff, made out
none worth speaking of at all.
When johnny Wood arose to
speak lie reheased the evidence
imparthIly, and then, taking up
a book, read the law-such law
as l had never heard of, but
which fitted his case to a nicely.
When he got through, I said,
"Mr. Wood, will you allow ME to
see that statute, plcase!"
"CertainIy, sir" he replied,
handing me the book closed.
"Ah, thank you; but what page
is it on?"
"Wbat pago?" he cried, indig.
nant. Don't expect me to teach
you, young man. Find yourown
law, you. l found mine."
"0f course I couldn't find it,
but johnny had the laugh, aud the
court with him and 1 lost my case,
according to law which that
scoundrel Wood had made ont of
his head just as he spun it out. "
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
Ruclklen,s Arnlcn Nalre.

The Best Salre in the world for Cuts,
Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fe-
yer Sores, letter, Chapped Hands, Chill
blains, COrns, and all Skin Eruptions,
and positively cures Piles, or no pay re-
quired. 1t is guaranteed to give perfect
satisfaction, or money refunded. Price,
% cts. per box. For sale by E. ]. Moss
man. Liam %, silly.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
Why She Didn't.
Merchant Traveller.

Merchant Traveller.
Ayomg woman from the coun-
try was sueing her ox-sweothcart
for breach of promise and lawyers
We're, as usual, making all sorts
of inquisitivc interrogatories:
You say remarked one, that
the defendant frequently sat very
close to your
Eyes, SIR was the reply, with a
hectic flush.
IIow close?'
:Close enough, SOS one cheer
was all the sittin' room we need.
cd
sand you say he put his arm
around your
NO, l didn't
what did You say, thcn?'
Il said lie put both arms around
me-
Then what@
lie Rugged me-
very hard?'
Yes, he did. So hard that l
come purity near hollcrin' right
out,
why didn't you hollcr?
cause
That's no reason. BE explicit,
please. Because what?
'CauscI was afeerclhc'd stop.
The court fell off the bench and
had to be carried out and put un.
der the hydant forpurpose of re.
susitation.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

Time is an estate which will
produce nothing without cultiva:
ton, but will always abundantly
repay the labors of industry and
generally satisfy the most oxtcn.
sivc desires, if no part of it be
suffered to licwasto by negligence
to be Overrun with noxious plants,
or laid out for show, rather than
for use.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
These arc Solid Facts.

The best blood purifier and system
regulator within the reach Of suffering
humanity, truly is Electric Bitters. In.
activity Of the Liver Billiousness, Jaun.
dice, Constipation, Weak Kidneys, or
any disease Of the Urinary Organs, or
whoever requires an appetizer, tonic OF
mild stimulant, will always fud Electric
Bitters the best and only certain cure
known, They act surely and quickly,
every bottle guaranteed to give entire
satsisrtionor money refunded. Sold at
fifty cents a bottle by Mossman. A
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
Mhinke.

Clara Belle writes from New.
port that black stockings ore
commonly worn, especially on oc-
casions Of dancing. The silhou-
cite effect Of The jet feet and ank.
lies under light dresses is exceed
ilingly picturesque, especially when
the quadrilIe or german assumes
a skirt disturbing aspect. We
walk demarly through the figures
until we como to the ladies chain
or the promenade 1t is permits
able here to add a little swinging
step aud graceful dancing move
ment to this stately promenade.
Some Of the tigurcsof the border
on the romp. One of these is
called La Cqrde. A rope is
stretched by the leading couple
across the room, land the fellows
jump over it to reach their part
ners. Much amusement is then
occasioned by those who are SO
unfortunate as to be thrown by
the intentional raising of therope.
After all have reached their part
iers they perform a waltz and re-
gain theirseats. This sometimes
becomes rollicky in the extreme.
Now it is fact well known in art
that a black object looks smaller
than a white or bright one. Ac-
tresses are well aware of that OPP
teal illusion, and they are accused
of adopting bulk to circumstances.
That is to say that their black
stockings are buIged more than
other ones. 1t is not for me to
scrutinize amateur dancers too
closely, but at a Newport ball l
was led to suspect that the devices
of the stage are not wholly un-
known to the hotel parlor. A
girl has just been a triae reckless
| in switching her skirts in the hur-
Fly burly episodes of the quadrille,
and there had been no hindrance
at all to public admiration of her
blackly-stockinged ankles. She
was barely seated when, in asud-
den cessation Of the music, an old
gentleman's voice continued, in
adyertentIy high and loud:
How do you manage your
calves?
Thatwas what he said. he was
looking straight at the girl, but |
comprchended, from a previous
knowledge of the fact that he was
a noted breeder of fancy stock,
THAT he was talking to his COM
panion about cows young 'uns.
But the girl thought that the
calves he referred to were her own
real or assumed ones. She just
turned pale and quiyered-all Of
which made me almost believe
that she had forced a symmetry
(which nature had denied her.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

Educate all the faculties and pro.
ponsities o. Children but above all
see that the conscience, the balance.
wheel Of the moral system, is train.
ed unto perfect accord with the
principles Of positive truth aud ab.
solu!e justice.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

The Republican newspapers
have got their mud machines all
ready to play on Cleveland, but
they don't seem to make much
Roadway in throwing dir. The
great reform Goyernoro Of New York
seems to be inyuInerable.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

The young woman who bites her
liugernails and kisses her pug dog
on the nose, would fall in a stony
faint at seeing her father nip
piece of the butter lump with hi:
own knife.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
Out on the Prairie.
Concerning Something Better
than Mrs. Toodle's Wheclbar-
row-And the Reasons Why.

SOHCeTulHS pOlllCLllluS DetlCl
than Mrs. Toodle's Wheelbar.
row-And the Reasons Why.
Whena certain Commissary.Genera
complained to the Duke of Wellington
that Sir Thomas Picton had declared he
would hang him il the raiions for tha
Generals division were not Forthcoming
at a certain hour, the Duke replied:
"Ah! did he indeed so so far as that
Did he say he'd hang you?"
"Yes, my lord"
well, General Picton is lust the mar
to keep his word. You'd better get the
Tations up in time"
But to get ratiOns or anything else NJ
in time one must know where to lay bis
hand on them. AS Mr.. Toodles said
about the coffin which had bought al
auction and brought home to his wif0
"li anything should happen, my dear
il will be so handy to have in the house.
Being in the great wholesale drug
house Of William Hart, in Elgin, ILL.,,
one day, Mr.. n. &. Sherman, the photo
grnpher OF that place, remarked, con
corning PARKER'S TONIC IN have
used II in my family for two years, and
! unhesitatingly pronounce Il the besl
medicine we have ever used. 1t is han
dy IN have in the house, and We are
never without Il.
Culled from the mass Of reasons why
Mr., Sherman was right, be good enough
to consider these:
First, PARKER'S TONIC Is delicious
to the palate; second, It invigOrates, but
dos noi promote a lOrc for drOng drink; third
II curet Coughs and Colds by melting
the torpid organs into healthy action
and opening all the pores OF the skin
fourth, It puriiies the Blood, thus curin9
Kidney, Liver and Lung diseases and
rheumatism; fifth =,
But take II into courthouse, and Il vii
speak for itself. Once used, you vii
change il for nothing else, Physician
commend II. Prices, 30 cents aud ST.
HiscUx & Co., Chemists, New York.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

To look back to antiquity is one
thing, to go back to it another,
If we look back to ii, it should be
as those who arc running a race,
only to press forward the faster,
and leave the beaten still further
behind.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
The ,ren wiz ne Plg.

A few days ago two men, who
were afterwards found3to be De.
troiters, arrived in a town about
fifty miles to the west Of this
lcidinga pig. 1twaspetbaPsb
enough and heavy enough to be
called d hog, but they termed it
a pig, and as they turned it over
to the care Of the landlord at
whose inn they proposed to rest
for the night, one Of tile men ex-
planned:
BE awful careful with that pig.
Hess daisy-a new breed just
from Scotland. We've sold him
to a farmer out here for $50, and
we don't want anything to hap.
pen to him.
The landlord took the pig up,
and then began to think and cog,
itate and suspect. When the
strangers had gone to bed he call
cd in some Of the boys, and said:
I've twigged the racket; them
two fellows are sharpcrs and that
is a guessing pig. Tomorrow
they will give you a chance TO
guess at his weight at ten cents q
guess, and you'llbe cleaned out
only you won't. AS the fellows
sleep well weigh their pig and
beat their game
Nobody slept until the pig WIS
taken over to the scales and then
weighed. lis pulled down 40
pounds to the hair, and the villa
gers went home and hunted up
their niclels and dreamed of pigs
and scales and sharperS through
the remainder Of the night.
Next morning the pig was led
around in front, and, before start
ing of, OH lis journey, one of the
ownersremarked to the assembled
crowd:
Gentlemen, I'm going to weigh
this pig dsrcctly. Maybe some
of you would like to guess on his
weight? I'll take all gucsscs at
ten cents each, and whoever hits
it gets fifty cents
This provoked a large and Sc
lected stock of winks aud smiles,
but no one walked up until the
pig man said that any one person
could guess as many times as he
cared to, provided a dime accom-;
panied each guess. Then a rush
set in. Three or four merchants
put up fifty guesses each. A jus
ticO oftho peace took thirty. A
lawyer said about twenty would
do for him. Before there was
any let up to the guessing about
600 had been registered and paid
for Every soul of them guessed
ut 40 pounds. 1t was curious
what unanimity there was in the
guessing, but the pig men didn't
seem to notice it. When all had
been given a chance the pig was
led to the scales, and 10! his weight
was exactly ia poundsl
you see, gentlemen explained
the spokesman, 'while this ami,
NAL weighs only 40 pounds
along about II o'clock at night
we feed him about five pounds Of
corn meal in the morning before
weighing! You forgot to take
this matter into consideration!
Then somebody kicked the
landlord, and lie kicked the jus.
tice, and the justice kicked the
merchant, and when the pig mel
looked back from a distant hill
the whole town was out kicking
itself and throwing empty wallet.
into the river.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

Justice is represented as being
blind, while the more appropriate
symbol would DO a woman going
through the pockets Of the husband
who has come home intoxi,aIed.-
PHILADELPHIA Chronicle Hcarld.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

Sentiment FROM a lady's album;
"a woman looks apon her hus.
band as a charming being during
two months Of her Eife-the month
before she marries him aud the
month after she bnries him.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

A report is going about that a
Michigan girl at one sitting ate
two pounds of limburger cheese.
What was the matter2 Wasn't
she feeling very hungry, or did the
cheese give out2-Rhiadclphia Call
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
He Was Not q Kicker, Hui He
Had M objection 10 Make
Concerning Tie Soup. \,

NOiittFNitIS tue bOups
Merchant Traveller
Ben Rigely,a Louisville, Ky.
Newspaper man, who, for theirs
twenty years Of bis life, had beel
accustomed to feeding on cham
payne aud diamondbacl terrapin
has for the past twenty year
been having q catch.as-c atcli-cai
wrestling match with tile usefu
boarding house spread, and isstil
alive but weak. One day, earl,
in spring, he wentto his landlady
with q complaint.
"Madam,1 he said, with adcmi.
semiquaver in his voice, aud {
piece of wetnesa in each eye
about as big as a buckshot
"liaveu't | been a pretty good
boarder for the two years / have
been with your
@Wly, Mr. Ridgely, of course
you lave. Only yesterday a lady
asked me how long you had beer
a member of the Young Mems
Christian association" replied
the lady in surprise.
ayes, and when you gave us
eggs with feathers on, did l cvel
kick"
@NVha-what's tlIat?' stammer-
ed the woman, thrown off hel
balance by the suddenness of the
blow.
Sand did 1 ever insist on your
clipping their wings?"
"Sir, | don't"
"And didn't [ keep right on
even though you let the butter
wear its own hair banged, wher
you knew l hated baugs?"
"NLr. Ridgcly, this is going toe
-
"And did I complain, when
found a button in my pie, becaus,
their was no buttonhole in til,
flap?'
"Sir, l won't stand this any
"And did | report you to tn,
society of Prevention of Cruelt,
when l picked that poor, heIples
cockroach out ofthe biscuit"
"Shut up YOU"
eyes, and when | found a min
now in the milk, did | ask yoi
whether you MIXED your Gov
with a fishing pole or a seine?"
.'Wha-wha-wha-"
"Don't mention it, madam
When the steak was a little tough
was l one of the boOrders witt
sent q buzz-saw and n steam
engine up to the house?"
T-I-I-"
"And did 1 ever object to pay
ing for furniture repairs, becaus
the bread was so heavy tina
when l swallowed it,,it knocked
the bottom of the chair outF"
"YOu mean, good for nothin!
-"
"Don't get excited, madame
Did 1 ever inquire whether yor
drew your tea with a windIass o
a chain pump.
ooh you villain, you wretch
you"
81 hear you, madam, and
want to ask if l ever reflected Of
your molasscs can by asking i
you had patent on that fly trap
"oh-oh-oh-you-oh-"
81 ask, madam, did I ever d,
any of these things? And 1 ans
wer by saying Never no never
Therefore | want to know VIII,
in thunder, excuse my forcibl
language, pleas, when they brinl
me q plate of soup with a dishra!
in it, they don't bring along
pair of scissors to cut the darne,
thing up so a man won't chok
on it. That's all, madam"
When the lady was resuscitat
ed, Ben was compelled to go GU
into the cold, cold world, and &c
another boarding house. Sucl
is womau's inhumanity to man
OchiItrce's Hard Luck.
Detroit Times
Tom ochlltrce, the red-hcade,
| IN
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

Cheapest Bibles r TX, Irs,,.ls,sl hr..,.. 80
Esisi.: : Si''is'lii Si,isa...iiElSS' AgE!s AAIEl
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

NO LONGER A QUESTION Of opin.
ion, we guarantee every box Of Acker's
Dyspepsia Tablets. Price 25c. and SOC.
NanGildcr. [3l
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

pRT;; T. s;?'; , st 2't CO. d 'e sab .i
ii nan (which WIN help you to more mon.
M Fey right away than anything else
in this world. All, Of either sex, succeed from frsi
hour, The broad road to fortune open, before the
workers, absolutely sure. At once address, TRuE
& Co., Augusta, Maine, IaPr1Jyt
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

The latest novel beares the title
of "Tbe Man She Cares For" 1t
takes over two hundred pages Ia
explain that it wasn't her husband.
Burlington Free Press
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27

WHAT WILL SToPMY COUGHING
at night2 Guarantee Acker's English
Remedy will. Price lOC,, SOC ind ST.
A. G. NanGilder, Druggist. III
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1884-08-27
LUMBER.

Faug2o-ly-ch. WI