Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1884-11-13
Campaign Truth.
A DISASTROUS ELECTION BET IN 1915.
HOW A BOX OF CIGARS DISTURBED THE
PEACE.



did not bet any money on the recent
election in Ohio. 1t has been many years
since upheld my political principles by coin
ing them for base drachmas A drachma,
dear, is spud, and a spud is a Lewis door,
which door is an open sesame to the best
society. Years ago, when was young and
charming. rather triAe more young than
was much more charming, bet box Of
cigars with political foe, but an esteemed
personal friend, on the election Of Mr..
Hayes. TO give him show for his white
alley, bet him hat on the result in New
York. The returns promptly decided that
lost the hat, and the United States Congress
and the High Joint Arbitration Commission,
after gravely considering the question for
many weeks, finally informed me that had
won the box Of cigars. | never dreamed
that such simple bet would throw the re-
public into such painful state of suspe nse,
excitement and confusion. | said then hat
never again would | thoughtlessly tamper
with the peace and happiness of my country,
though all my political foes went barehead-
ed. and had TO pick up stubs for my per-
sonal smoking, all the days of our respective
and respected lives
paid my hat bet. | went to the halter
with my friend and had his head blocked for
special order His blocked head fairly
swan with JOY when told him wa, going
TO have hat made especially for him. He
said
Robert
The sober solemn truth is, he said Bob"
but that doesn't look well i'll print, and
hate the name any how.
Robert if you win the cigars, which
Heaven forbid, | will go to Havana and
make them myself"
knew he would not. Far better than
he did. knew it,
The hat was made under the personal
supervision of the halter, by and with the
advice and consent of myself 1t was
slick. shiny hat. 1t was about eighteen
inches high and as symmetrical as a stove
pipe. Il was the same size all the way up
The brim was about an inch and d quarter
wide, Hat and straight as silver dollar 1t
would have been the pride Of ST. Patrick's
day procession. ltwas the awfullest hat
Strong men shudiered when they saw it.
don't believe such hat ever was mad. be-
fore Or behind
Well | gathered about score of our
mutual friends. We got the band out, SET
the hsl on top Of dry goods box in nm
open wagon and paradrd down to nv
friends store and presented the hat with
an elaborate and ornate address Men sad
/, was the greatest effort of my life think
It was. 1t not only fatigued me, but people
who heard It said il made them tired also.
My friends remarks IN reply were very
brief, but sufFlsed with emotion. He
took the hat. labeled it with NV name and
exhibited it in his window
When the court of arbitration at last
decided the other bet, the band and the
crowd came out again and nv foe presented
me with box Of cigars. At the conclusion
of the presentation speech he proposed that
We smoke the weed of peace. | could not
refuse. rendered my thanks, lighted
cigar and puff-d twice or thrice
That vas nearly eight years agon-, and
We, sometimes am aroused from the pro-
foundest sumber in the dead of night by the
lingering farewell Of that cigar. A police
.nan,who accidentally happened TO be awake
that afternoon, came along and arrested me
on charge of dIsorderv conduct, arson and
tasa.it "ith s"te"t - NOuIni, nyuropnUuIa.
The magistrate smeled my breath, as
plead not guilty, and fined me SlO. | went
home, and committee Of my neighbcrs
"dIleu on me at long range and gave me
twenty-four hours TO leave the State left
the box Of cigars on the office steps and two
tramps were found dead beside it next morn
ing. The board of health fled information
against me for conspiracy. seized the
cigars and threw them into the Mississippi
river. All the fish between Burlington and
keokuk died that week took down nv
shot gun, breathed into it, pointed it at a
dog and he turned INTO stone | blew
fiercely down the barrel Of the gun intending
to hunt for my foe, and the gun burst on the
spot. but why recount the narrowing ex-
perIences of that week OF horror | only
mention these few leading facts, because
Truth with big is 50 sadly seldom during
this campaign, and | wish to introduce a
little OF It TO ieaven or twelve the canvass.
No, II knew could lose all the hats and
win all the cIGtr, in America on New York
alone. would not bet that Mr.. Blaine will
carry Georgia by ever 80 small majority.
| expect to wear straw hat all winter. and
have gwen up the use of tobacco ia any
form. smoke only cigarettes.