The Wilmingtonian. (Wilmington, Del.) 1882-188?, 1884-07-19
HUMOROUS.


''Doctor," said the grateful patient, seiz-
ing the physicians hand, 81 shall never for
get that to you l owe my lire" "You exag-
gerate," said the doctor mildly; "you only
owe me for fifteen visits"
Grandpa-"What? Bob in love with
Miss Fontalba, the comic actress at the
Parthenon?'' Bob firing up)-"Yes, grand
pa; and if you've got word to say against
that lady it had better not be said in my
presence, that's ALL" Grandpa-'I say
word against her! Why, bless your heart,
my dear boy, was head over ears in love
with her myself-when was your agcr'-
London Punch.
Husband, it is raining, and you haven't
an umbrella; I'm 50 afraid my new bonnet
will get wet" whispered she TO him in
church. The husband looked grave mo-
ment, as though he could not think of such
objects during sermon, and then turned to
his wife and observed :''The rain won't hurt
it-you know the milliner said it was a'duck
of bonnet" And she placed her hand
kerchief to her face and bowed as if in
prayer.
cULTIvATING THE MEMORY.
DR.. Bowser McCuloch is one of the lead
ing physicians of New York. He recently
purchased a very fine buggy horse from Bob
Ayers, who is somewhat jockey. The
purchase being completed DR.. Bowser McCul-
loch inquired:
horse, tell me, candidly, is there anything
the matter with him?'
ale has only one serious Defect
"What is that?''
ellis memory is no. very good"
so, that don't amount TO anything. I'm
not going to train him for a circus. l want
to use him to visit my patients. lie don't
balk, does he?''
''That's just what was trying to make
you understand. He ballls some, but thinl
he could be cured of it, If he didn't have
such poor memory. When lie refuses to go
you will take club to him and maui hin
for half an hour. Now, you suppose HI
would remember that, don't you?"
eyes, should think he would"
"Well, he don't. After he has had hi
licking and gone about twenty feet, he for
gets all about it, and balks again, and thel
you have to begin ON him again with th,
club. Ifhe had had good memory $1,000
would not have parted us"
SHE TwIGGED.
He called at the house and asked if sh
had any carpets TO beat, adding that he haC
been in the business for over twenty years.
"How much to beat that parlor carpet!'
she asked.
"One dollar"
"Why, that's awful! There was a ma
here yesterday who offered to do the job 70
fifty cents.'
EXACTLY, madam; but how was he pre-
pared?"
! Gle had a club in his hand"
ttI ,ragun,a CO IIo ;ntandad 60 +oI,o ~,
carpet out on vacant lot, didn't hep
eyes, sir. Our yard is too small, 70
know"
EXACTLY. That is a tapestry Brussel
carpet. II is badly worn. 1t has numerou
holes in it. He would make a great show i
getting it ont and in here. Out on the lot h
would give you away to every one viii
asked who the carpet belonged to. Is tina
the way to do job of this sortP''
GLOW do you do it!'
81 take the carpet out through the allie,
wheel it home. beat it in a yard SUI
rounded by a high board fence, and while
am returning it, all nicely rolled up an
covered with cloth, if any one asks m
what have reply that it is velvet carpe
for 224 Blank street. If no one asks an
questions call at houses on either side {
you and ask if they have just ordered ne
Wilton. They watch me and see me con
in here. Madam, in the language of IL
4 language of the Greeks, do you tN igP"
He was given the job.-DetrOh Free Pres
CLOCKS AND WATCHES.