The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1884-03-29
The doctor is a greatpillar of fsociety.
Early ryes-in is the downfall of many

The power behind the throne in
London is dynamite.
Many "heavy swells" float on the
bill-owes OF credit.
1t is unnecessary to tell a corpse to
keep stiff upper lip.
yassar girls have a fire company.
Probably no fire company in the
United States has such complete and
fashionable assortment of hose.
A Temperance cyclone has struck
the people of Plainfeld, M. during
the past few weeks. and over 1000
have agreed not to touch intoxicating
liquors.
Laugh, and the world laughs with
you," Miss Wheeler says. Yes, and
slip, and the world laughs at you.
At least that has been our experience.
this winter.
Referring to the presidential race,
an exchange says; Logan is not
much ahead. The same remark ap-
plies to cabbages. They are only ten
cents head.
"Will you have small piece of the
light meat ora small piece fthe dark"
asked Bobs uncle as he carved the
turkey at dinner. "I'll have u large
piece of both, said Bob.
A Western paper announces the fact
that an acrobat turned somersault
on locomotive smoke-stack. That
is nothing. We know nn engineer
who turned on the steam.
Bismarck hash bee advised by his
physician to take iron for his blood.
"Pig iron" Kelly, and other monopol-
lists in that line of business, take
blood for their iron.
AS an item OF fashion news it might
be stated that coat sleeves are in high
favor among young ladies, and are
much worn by them of evenings.
They are not worn so long, however,
as in midwinter.
The Prohibitionists propose to hold
a National Convention at Pittsburg,
on the Oath of May, to nominate a
Presidential ticket. The idea OF any
body trying to work up campaign en-
thusiasm on water. It's too thin.
"No, I don't object to the smell Of a
cigar" said a widow to her lover. sit
reminds me of dear John, who declared
that although he didn't like the taste
of tobacco he had to smoke to keep the
moths out of his mouth"
"My dear" said Mr.. Mucklcham TO
his wife, 'those hams | bought the
other day are so badly spoiled they
cannot be eaten" "What a pity" his
wife replied. "Guess we'd better send
them out to the charity hospital"
A little girl in Rutland, VT, becom-
ing wearied with the quarreling OF two
children over a glass OF milk, exclaim-
ed: What's the use Of fighting for
ever over that milkf There lisa whole
cowful out in the barn.
The Oldest Mason is reported dead
again, both in England and this coun-
try. Singular as it may seer,, the
"oldest Mason" will continue To die
throughout the coming centuries, and
will alwaysbe living 50 long as the or
der lasts.
In Iceland the nights are six
months long, and when young man
sits in the parlor for six or seven weeks
with his girl without popping the
question, and then gets up with the
remark that tits growing late and that
he will call around some other even
ing, the young woman realizes that
matrimony is still a long ways off.
"Now, here" said man to his ac-
quaintace. "You have been owing
me ten dollars for a long time, and !
want to call your attention to the fact
that am in need"
II havn't any money, but / assure
you that my intentions are good"
"Well, why don't you pay me when
. you've got the money!"
J, Because haven't got the inten-
tions them"
"Meet me darling Josie:.at the gate"
sang young Dandy dude" to his
little Daisy" at their parting the
other night. II am going iar away
, from the old garden gate, and perhaps
we may never meet again." WAS the
verse no sung the next hight as the
old man lifted him off the front steps
) with the tip end of new fashioned
> box toe.
When young Hodge first came up
: to town, his father told him that j,
/ would be polite, when being helped at
. dinner, to say to the host "Half that
if you please" It so happened that
at the first dinner to which he war in
vited, u sucking pig was on the dishes
The host, pointing with his knife tt
the pig asked: "Well, Mr.. Hodge, will
you have this, our favorite dish, or |
: haunch of mutton?" Upon which, re
{ collecting his first lesson, he replied
"Half that, if you please" to tho con
? sternation Of all present.
It "Don't you know that it is wrong t,
Is steal?" asked a Now York Judge Of
s well-dressed little boy, Who had beer
h caught in the act.
n No, sir.1