Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1884-10-23
WIT AND HUMOK.

for her. He set it an hour too fast.
The next morning she WAS just five
minutes late for breakfast. -Nelo York
I5Gballe.
Mrs. B-"Are you not going to cele-
brate your wooden weddingP" Mrs.
c. mo; my first wedding was a
wooden one" Mrs -"Oh, it could
not be, you know Mrs. CT was.
married blockhead.
May the young couple enjoy all the
happiness and escape all the miseries
of matrimony," is the way Western
editor ends up marriage notice. 1t
is safe to assume that he did not take
that copy home to his wife.
1t is announced that Spanish dances
are coming into fashion. Young
| Spruccy, whose girls father made him
walk Spanish" the other night, says
the step is too sudden aud forced to
become popular Norristoaon Herald
A lady in Fonda, N. T., who 10 %
years old, is just learning to play the
piano. She SAYS that woman who
can't play some sort OF an instrument
nowadays stands a pretty poor chance
of getting married. Ba9sngtoR Free
Press.
In London there is a school in which
monkeys are taught the English Ian
guage from blocks on which the letters
are printed. Next thing we know an
effort will be made to import instruc-
ton to the American dude. Norris
tot0R Herald
A New York paper makes big fuss
about calf with human head. That's
nothing; we have hundreds of them
right here in this city. They wear
clothes just like men, and generally
stand on corners and ogle the girls
Baltimore Day
| IL is getting fashionable for ladies to
wear fruits instead of flowers. The
| Chicago girl who went to fancy ball
recently with n large watermelon snug
| lv ensconced in each of her slipper
bows was voted to be the queen of the
fashion. Dur, ingtoH Free Press.
They were disputing about something
or other. when Mrs. Fogg impatiently
exclaimed: 20. well, sir, you have
your way. You always were an off
| horse" Yes, my dear, replied
Fogc. land an off horse, you know, is
always on the right side. 4"
| "A nOlStitSS IOlltl-shdlC HAS BtCu Ill
vented. There is probably no device
the ingenuity of man can contrive that
| will make noiseless the man who uses
such skates the first time, and sits
! down upon the back of his heat with
/ his legs shooting heavenward. Nothing
| but death.
All The noted astronomers lived very
! long lives. They were obliged to in
order TO find out anything worth pub
| fishing. The astronomy business is up
! hill work, and has been Improbable
until patent medicine people began to
offer rewards for new stars. -NeD Or
Icons Ptcay'tRe.
John the pigs look rather queer.
/ Have they been fedP" John-''Yes,
sir" Dairyman-"What did you give
| themP" Jonn-"As there wasn't moth
| inv else, / gave them the milk that was
eitin the cans when the men got back
! from the CIV" Dairyman-"G
Josephusl What have you donoPs Run
! tor the doctor.
Father quecied young Henderson,
..what is society eyent'?" A society
event is what | call one of your
mothers crazy-quilt parties, if l can
| get the editor o put il in for nothing.
If l cant Get it in for nothing | call
It shame, and ask him when he's
going to print something the people
! like to read. "
What name does your husband call
you by?" said u bride to 4 friend who
had been married several years; docs
he call YOU ducky or loycy? My dar-
ling calls me ducky. Does he?
! Mine used to call me popsey- wopsey.
1 out he doesn't use that term now.
| ''What does he call you then?" He
calls me, Say theren - o0serUuLe
JourHGj.
How often do you present your bill
to that young tellow?" said gentle
man to a cigar-store man whom u dude
told to charge him with package of
cigarettes. Quarterly sir" WHAT
You don't mean to say YOU trust him
for three months?n .O6. no. OF course
not Quarterly in this case means
every time the bill amounts to q
quarter. "-NercbGft Ial or
a California editor, who has evident
" been rusticating TO the fullest extent
of the term. is moved to remark phil
osophically that 1.-THE passion for illicit
watermelon is something which age
nor intirmity has power to cool. 1t is
thus that vice has ever sought to Justify
Itself. but il is painful to see it boldly
Haunted in the face of the public. -
indianapolis JournaL
MY son" asked proud father,
after the usual greetings upon the
young mans return from college,
"have you a microscope among your
traps2o "a microscope, dad?'' re-
piled the astonished youth. Yes, my
son; YOU have been in college, you
know, four years, and thought if you
had microscope handy ] should like
to see how much you had learned. "
They were strollinc in the green
fields, and he was telling her OF his
love- just rs he was on the point Of
asking her to marry him cow, which
was concealed by a bush few feet
away, mooed long and loud Did the
girl faint away or run away or screamP
No. She gave enc little imperceptible
start and simply remarked: Go away,
4