The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1884-07-19
A PARODY.


Inde ependence, Read before the
Phumny PheIIows at wsnnsmuccs,
July 4th.
TSilver State.l
Ladies' and Gentlemen, Little Boys
and Girls, and Phorty Phunny Phel-
lows: THIS being the winter OF our
discomfort, 1t Is resolved, thai
WHEREAS, In The meanderings OF
human occurrences aud the neee>si-
ties of an enlightened age, II becomes
necessary f"r tile .Phorty Phunny
Phellons 10 protest against The want
ton re traints and unjust limitations
placed upon The free migration OF The
American hog by Prince Bismarck, a
decent EespecL To the crowned heads
OF Europe, AS well as of the political
parties OF our own kopuhlic, requires,
that We should declare tile causes
which will impel ~ To course OF in
dependent political action.
We hold these truths To be self.evi-
dent: That the American hog is in
dorsed by the laws OF universal con
SUMPTION, With the uUalienabls ri sht
to sail under tue white wings Of com
ii'erce, upon every sea, unto every
port, anu Ia meet with hearty rs
cePtlon IN the culinary department of
every peasant, prince, sovereign. and
polen ale OF The whole world, aud the
rest OF mankind.
Prudence, indeed, would dictate
that pork, spare-ribs. sausage and
ham--lh.- chief element Of the food of
nan ever since the historic bath in The
Sea of Galilee, 1888 years ago to-day,
should not be changed for light and
TRIVIAL causes by The whims and cap
rlee OF equity Prince
A long .raln ofabuses and ISLANDERS,
pursuing in ariably The same o jects,
and e>lnying design 10 reduce the
American hog 10 the abso ute level OF
the otlal OF Tile trans-A ,lantic King
p sdoilIs and Empires. have character Eel
the otieial course uf the Prince for
long ser e. Ui years.
Ia every stage OF these abuses and
oppres ,ious, the American hog has
hii'noiy squealed IN The most aspect.
ful SOU alHng tones.
a ltin"- whose character is thus
marked by every act OF uisr, spe,.t to-
warts his patrrndl anee>tr, is totally
unit la afule the rooSt."
The Anieriran hog has appealed to
the frince's native jnstice AMI mag.
nanifhl,v AMI con iur, q him by. the
TIES oi common kindred 20 ..hold up;"
but he has been draf to the voice of
Juslife, commerce and consarguinity.
Nor las the aforesaid hog been
wahtlnz in his attent ion 10 the poiti-
cal parties within our own country
f"r "A rrdre>s of his grievances; but,
so Tar, with a. little succeSs rs at the
eourts Of kings AMI etnperors.
While the scabbv American ram
was allotted the broad.st plank in the
lata Chicago convention the fat aud
plump American hog was entirely ig-
nor d. II the plalf rm to be erec ed
In tat city next week does not allot
as conspicuous plank 10 the hog "a
the 'ther one did To the ram. then we
must acquieSce in the neressi V ~ hich
viii denounce onr separation from
both, and IN the interest OF justice
and fair nlay we will turn our atten-
ton To The great American Cominoner
The mnchly nominated candidate, B.
+. Butler, who. i'm his broad and COM
prehenSive grasp for votes, can not
Only embrace The ram. but ut the
same lime go his larboar,l eye on the
hog.
And to his support we will pledge
our wives, their separate fortunes. and
solieitude and un>ought advice of our
sacred mothers-in-law.