The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1884-10-01
VARIETIES.

All 1IlSnman, speaking OF friend he
metinthe street, said ''He is so much
altered that ! scarcely knew him. l am
tim, and you are thin, but he is thinner
than the both of us put together.
We learn from a reliable exchange
that the wealth of the United States
rs 1872 Tor each person. We wish the
person that has the 1872. that .belonges to.
us would fetch it in before we grow too
Eold to enjoy wealth.
dad" said four year old. ''giye me
five cents to buy amonkey." eve have
one monkey in the house now, +" said the
elder brother. "Who is it?" "You,''
was the reply. "Then give me five cents
to buy the monkey some nuts" The
brother could not resist.
Carrie, said one Somerville girl to
another ..are you going to the picnic to-
morrow ?" II am; are you ?" "Of
course" "What do you intend to wear
wear ~ My white muslin, of course.
What do you intend to wear?" 81 will
wear a waterproof cloak. I've been at
picnics before.
Little Maud-Well, l don't care if
your ma is pretty. She amt so rich as
mine. Little Mollie-Yes, she is too.
When she goes to a party she has a
French maid come to do up her hair:
SO there, now. Little Maud-Pooh!
that's nothing. My ma sends hers to
to the hairdresser's .-Philadelphid Call.
Without doin' anything ter deserb it,
de owl had gained de name O. bein' wise.
Dis is dat because he's got er big head
an er mouf dat amt allus open. 1t amt
sense dough, dat keeps de OWLS mouf
shet, for when he do open it he kahn say
nothin'. DE tongue dat is KEEP still on
account O. sense says somethin' smart
when it do speak.-Arkdnsos Trdreler.
{ Mrs. A-"Did the contractor say how
long it would be before our new cottage
is finished ?' Mr.. Att won't take
long. 1t is to be balloon frame, you
know" "Mercy me! What is to keep
it from sailing away in the first storm 2"
BfDon't worry, it will be heavily
weighted" Heavily weighed" Why,
what within" ga mortgage. "--Phild-
delphid Call.
'Has he gone, DEAR" eyes, grand
ma" "And what was that sound in the
hall, Jessie % "Why, it must have been
the door shutting, grandma"
Your grandma may be old
and deaf, Jessie, but doors did not shut
like that when she was girl" fDid
the men wear mustaches then,
grandma ?" "No, my dear Well,
that makes the difference probably. p
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
A Washington lady, on receiving
notice from the cook that she was about
to leave, to enter the holy state of mat
rimony, expressed surprise, adding,
t.Why, / did not even know you had an
admirer. Cook: "Oh, yes'm, for
some time. lady Who is it, Mary ?"'
-Cook ''Can't jes' tink of his name !;
but you member tended fun'ral two
weeks ago it's de corpse husband !"
'T can't keep my girls from climbing
cherry trees" writes an anxious mother !;
f'what shall l do about it?'' Well,
mother, you can tie them to the bedpost
no to your apron string, but our advice is :
sLet 'em climb" 1t doesn't cost any
more to set a girls arm orleg than a boys
and, besides, girls can cling as we'll as
boys, and when they grow up their
clinging capacities will be appreciated. /
,Sprilqfeld (Mdss.) Union. ~
Irate Pittburg Parent-'This thing has
got to STOP" sweet SlXteen-- W nat,
par" "You have been allowing young
Nicefollow to kiss you," sob, pal
Yes, you have, you need not try to fool
me.'' "But, pa, why do you think"
81 don't think. know. He kissed you
all over the mouth and on both cheeks"
''Why pa, you were not there, and"
s'No, was not there, but am here. L
see that there isn't a bit of scat left on
your face below your forehead. ''-Phila-
delphia Call.
It's reported, says the New York San,
that day or two ago Mr.. St.John went
into a Kansas drug store and called for
glass of soda water. His left eye ac-
cidentally twiched as the clerk gazed at
him inquiringly. The mistaken clerk,
not knowing the gentleman gave him a
liberal allowance of the usual flavor de-
manded on such occasions, and the glass
was drained to the dregs. .My good
ness gracious me-" said the candidate,
smacking his lips. 'T don't see how men
can drink liquor when they can get soda
water like that"
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