Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-01-04
BRIGHT BITS.


a WOMAN can rip and tear and darn and
vet be considered sweet-tempered, but just
let a man do it and people viii say all manner
of hard things about hlm.-Phjtadelphid
Chronicle.
''YEs," said Mrs. Egomoi, Il used to think
a great deal of Mrs. Goode, she was always
so kind to me; but then I've found out that
she treats everybody just the same. "-Bostoa
! Transcript.
BOB BURDETT sums up his experience OF ba-
bes in an audience as follows: The babies in
the audience never bother me. l have seen
tham drive an audience to madness. however.
to the baby, and | anu"
THE present King of Ashantee has massa-
! cred the family and body guard of ex-King
! Koffee, and reports that affairs in his realm
/ are quiet. No doubt the late family and body
! guard sre quiet Removing a mans head
/ usually has sedatiye effect.
AMONG the reasons urged by a Peoria
! woman for a divorce are: Drunkenness. swear
ing Obscenity, arson, filthy habits, incompat-
| bijIy, lnfidelity, brutality, cruelty, laziness,
bgamy and non-support. Evidently Peoria
| TOmen are not inclined to be at all lenent to
a mans little eccentrcites.
TITS SAID that mice are just as much afraid
of women as women are of mice. But as the
screaming apparatus of the latter is not con-
structed on the same principle az that of the
former. they are restrained from cOmmuni-
eating the intelligence to the people in the
adjoining towns Honkers Statesman.
THE value of advertising has often been
pointed out. A conspicuous instance occurred
the other day. a young lady employed in one
of the largest dry goods establishments in De-
troit lost a bracelet. She advertised for 1t in
several papers. and on returning to the store
in the morning found the bracelet under the
counter.
"YEs," said the man on the sugar box, Sits
getting awfully mOnOtOnOus. | only walked
two blocks and | ran against twenty four
foreign actors, stepped on the dresses of
seyenty-three English professional beauties,
and got tripped up byt the umbrellas of don't
know how many lecturers from a distant
cline. '-BOst0R Transcript.
ONE of Delawares veracious editors tells of
a patent medicine man who suddenly came
upon humOrist trying to hatch out new
joke, offered him $50 if he would sit still and
hold his expression till a photographer could
be brought. He wanted his picture TO put on
a new brand OF liver searcher, over the words
Before taking. "-Erratjc Enrique.
A GIRL in Wilkesbarre undertook to shoot
herself for the love of a Pittsburg politician.
The pistol ball was turnd aside by her corset
steel. With the detection of the lead the
maid also changed her course. She is now
determined to shoot the politician instead of
herself This is sensible; and if she doesn't
hit him on the cheek she may bring him to
terms.
A MAN offered to clean the snow of Mas
sachuSetts roof for 81, but the owner sent up
a cheap boy instead. The boy threw three or
four pounds of the snow clear over into the
next lot, and then dropped the shovel on the
head of passer- by. Cost surgeons attend
ance, $40 THE d--dear boy" exclaimed the
householder when he paid the bill. Moral
\ boy is always dearer than man.-Neto
York Commercial AdUertiser.
Nom WAN, laundryman and student Of
Western civilization, was puzzled. New
York one velly stlange county," said he.
"Have him big holiday, no kick up bObbely
with fire clackers and music. All quiet in
stleet. same likee Sunday. Evely gal he put
on good clothes, sit abound inside he house.
black hat; 90 see him gal. Gal give him stlong
blandy. makee him velly dunk. How can
calee fun no can see"
A YELL-KNowN clergyman in the north of
England entertained recently a brother cler-
gyman from some distance. The evening be-
ing unpropitious, he asked him to remain for
the night. At dusk the clergyman asked his
guest to step into the manse while he gave
orders to have his conveyance ready in the
morning. As the visitor entered the manse
the clergyman's wife mistook him in the dusk
for her husband, and, SEEING the pulpit Bible
which was on the lobby table, brought the full
weight of it across his shoulders exclaiming
emphatically, Take that for asking the ugly
wretch to stay all night"
A NEW YORKER who was lately sojourning
in Paris heard a great cutlery near his room
in the hotel one day. and an investigation
revealed the fact that servant had carelessly
burned some paper belonging to permanent
guest of the house. He was scoldlng and she
was excusing and explaining. when the New
Yorker asked: "Were the papers of great
gentleman began picking up the scraps in the
fireplace. When he had gathered and eX-
amned half a dozen he gleefully exclaimed:
"Ah! am savedm Then the papers were
of no value?" "None at all, my friend They
were American railroad shares. y Val Street
Ae1Cs.