The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1884-08-09
Paragraph Fiend.

An honorable yice-tbc Vice President
Political musical observation-disclosures Of
the press,
Why is tight shoe like a fine summer;
Because it makes the corn grow.
The best backing Il young man can have
is good backbone Of his own.
No John, the deaf and dumb alphabet
is not composed Of silent letters
Speaking Of striking objects, what is
more 50 than pugilist's sand bag
st. Louis RcpuJlica,:-"The democratic
rooster will now Grover Cleveland"
Baltimore llmrican: widow Buffers
other name is Auny Monopoly
Bradford Iyg,s:-"We have not yet
heard from any Of Logans odd pastors. ~
Chicago Nocs.-" Mr. Buffers southeast
eye is becoming coclledcr and cocleder"
Detroit Post:-'The democracy are go.
ing into the campaign this year, as usual,
.Jutuinied"
Boston Po,t:-"It is not thought that
Blaine VIII get up enough heat tomelt the
bolt"
The clergymcn who baptsed Blaine are
to hold a convention ut Bar IIarbor in Au-
gust
The modern dandy can truthrulIy oN-
claim Il haven't the least idea!'
Black eyes denote passion. It is gcner
ally safe to say that the man with black
eye has angered some one.
When you 20 fishing 60 where the mos.
qutoes are the thickest You'll never be
troubled 20 get bite.
A man says his wife is only half like a
telescope He can draw her out but he
can't shut her up
The idler's lazy pun: / would rather
have one day of vacation than a thousand
years of vocation
The trouble with Mr. George William
Curtiss seems to be that he came, he saw, |
but he didn't concur hicago Necs
Harrisburg PdRot,-"The story that
Cleveland once hanged Il man is said to |
have an extraordinary effect ON the star
routers.'
The first thing a soldier is drilled at is
n ,G IA Ia, % L. l., /
comes intuitiyely and unaided
A fair proposal That of the young lady
who takes advantage of her leap year pre-
rogative and pops the question.
Oh John" said she, your moustache
is as soft as Eiderdown" And yet she
don't know why John broke the engage.
mcnt
The Prohibitionists will find their jour
uey very pleasant There is plenty of wa
ter in Salt River -Ihiiadelphia CaN
Blaine is a kind of lucky dog, after all.
k. h. Hayes announces that he will take
no part in politics this fall. Ultra Observer.
The TiibHHe insists that Washington was
also tattooed man. That can be the only
reason why Blaine plagiarized from him
1boHy Times.
An Arizona man has sued IA local paper
because il announced that he was the faith
er of Il thieying boy a week old The
editor meant to say " thriving"
A Maine Republican has lust passed
away ut the ripe old age of no years. Some
Republicans had rather die than vote for
Blaine. Boston Post
An exchange asks, "Will Blaine take
.he stump We can't say, but we know
hat the Democratic candidate will take
he first pull at the Presidential cigar.
Her complexion is bright as the roses
That bloom on the soft Summer air,
\nd when in the sunlight she poses,
Men rapturous gaze on her hair;
But the hair of that beautiful huggist
Cost her father snug pile of "rocks"
That complexion she bought of a druggist
For seycnty-ilve cents a box.
There are only six regular nominations
or the Presidency True to his claim to
le an anti monOpolist, Gen Butler has only
wo of them.-BostoH Transcript
Secretary Chandler has become so used
O living ON a Government vessel that il will
'Ome pretty hard on him TO leave the Cabi.
let.-ihiiadeiphid Times
Some medical scientists assure us that
he cholera is caused by microbes. Now,
they will tell us what causes the micro
'es we shall be making progress
The wife of Colonel Phelps, Town Clerk
( Fairfield, Mich, got intoxicated Sunday
n public, which so Inundated the Colonel {
nat he committed suicide early Monday
loThing-Er. c
Now suppose women were equally sens- 4.
We about such things and suicided when
cir husbands ont iD,oxicata1- daar ,aar =