Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1884-05-07
WIT AND HUMOR,

sMnn wants but little ear below,
said the school-5oy who got a sound box
on the siic OF tho head.
Money often leads men astrav. Some
OF them will run after dollar. Tut
hound dog Is more avaricious. He will
follow scent
Pauline Lucca has been recently en-.
gagged to sing at three concerts in Mos
cow for El.0O0. 1t il better 10 be born
Lucca than rich.
A western woman prayed for money,
and found it. As though this was u
miraclcl We know OF several eastern
mon vho have preyed for money and
found it
An exchange says that Noah was the
irst pitcher on record. He ..pitched
the ark within and Without The
game was finally called on account of
tho rain.
This theory that cold coniracs ! every-
thing but water. which it expands"
said one friend to smother. .sis non
sense. You ought to see my coal bill.
IN y 1v 6uac.
A mans brain weighs three and
half pounds. A woman's brain is somc-
what ligstes, but OF hner quality. Tnat
is what enables her 10 taste lard in her
neic ichbor's rastry.
Joseph. my box Of cigars disa,,-
pears very quickly" Eyes, sir; l take
them. l belong to tae society agalns.
tie Use OF tobacco. and really | think
that monsieur smokes too much"
Stanley has discovered a river 10
Central Africa called Kissmelonga. lis
an awful pity that itsnoull be situated
IN a conntry where a fellow cant gc,
any satisfaction out Of it.--bnr. .tss toa
Free Press.
''Is your wife acquainted with the
dead an .uagese" askcl the professor
Of Newman mau. Maybe she is,
was The reply, ''but the language she
uses is entirely too warm 10 have been
dead very long"
The newspaper foreman got a mar
rin-e noiice anon n lot It items iieaa-
ed Horrors Of 1885," and wnen the
editor learned thai the groom income
was only 81 a week he s..id il had bet
ter remain under that head.
Count Harncorn. of Vienna. now a
social lion in New York. says: ..Ac,,
it's too pad. lean nccfer marry but Que
American GIRL. md loa.s all Of dem"
Like Artemus Wards monkey. he is
described rs an 'amoosin' iitile cuss."
A K.ntncky man took q disc OF
Rough on Rats by mis.ase, and wnen
the thing began to take hold of his
stomach and cuurn it, he swore bv tho
great horn spoon that lac hadn't got
hold of such bi.ters since before the
war.
In the submerged district C;nc'n-
natl Enquirer reporter saw a man with
a grapping-hook fishing in the water.
What are YOU looking for, old mai.p'
said the scribe. "i'm irying to lind
my house; left it nero two or three
days ago. :"
A boaster in hotel was telling of
the many sections of tine country waicn
he had visited. A fellow a. his elbow
asked. Have ron ever been In Aye.
hraa" ''Oh. ycs!' said the booster. II
passed through on top OF stage-coach
about year ago"
An exchange comes to us with
poem entitled, chow 10 kiss" marked
in blue pencil. Ether the author is
blamed proud of his product on. or e.ss
he thinks we don't know how to do it
lin either of whith cases he is way
or -Buriiaytop Free p ess
A woman's brain is of finer quality
than that Of man. Fncncss OF bra j,
gives quickness OF perception. and we
SEQ that fact illustrated in this: A wo.
man can tell what another woman has
got on at a glance, whereas mau
naight study the matter over for year
aud be no WISER.
willing to Take It in Crackers.
A co,ored man with mis- right foot
bound up with numerous rags and
cloths yesterday entered n grocery on
Woodward avenue and asked for a cash