The Bozeman weekly chronicle. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1883-1889, 1884-10-22
WIT AND HUMOI,..


new bonnet that does it.
Carving fine art: Husband Mary,
has the dog been at this meI;?H Wife
No, dear. l carved wien yon were
away yesterday"
An American woman has secured a
patent for an asll-sifter, and now all
that is wanted is patent contr:vance
to make a servant girl use it.
Going to sing in the chorus to-mor-
rowP asked one member of the choir
to another. "Of chorus ! Am. was
the answer, which nearly killed the
questioner.
A Boston female baseball reporter
put it this way: ''At this point the del
egate from Boone County got tired Of
keeping second warm, and vigorously
imbed it for third
The school of telegraphy for women
in Cooper Institute, New York, is over
| crowded. There is no business that
lets one into other peoples secrets like
the telegraph business.
The cost of living is just about the
same all the year round. When coal
and gas bills lessen, ice and fruit bills
increase, and then as fruit gets cheap
cholera morbus medicine gdcs up
Philadelphia Call.
The Prince of Wales owes 81, O00,-
600, but he can't run away to Canada.
like that sort of capitalists in this
country. When Canada is annexed to
the United States his opportunities will
be improved.--Mercha Irdveler.
There comes time in every little
girls life when she is seized with a
longing to cook. And there comes q
time in every big girls life when she
is seized with a longing to hire some
body else to cook. 1t comes after she
gets married.
NO. said the housemaid, Il don't
apologize to man when l throw a
bucket of water down the front steps
to wash 'em, and he comes along and
gets drenched. I've tried apologizing,
but I've found there's nothing you can
say to man will satisfy him.
The country merchant is entitled to
a chance. When he comes to a hotel
in the city he cannot shake hands with
two drummers at the same time until
he puts down his valise, and he should
be allowed to register his name before
his coat-collar is pulled otf.-New Or
leans Picayune.
The Arctic regions are not without
their pleasures. The Esquimau girls
are very pretty-dance. sing, and do
not care for ice cream. Hot drinks
and walrus blubber are their peculiar
vanities, and sealskin sacques are sold
at two iron hoops and a tenpenny nail.
Boston Transcript.
am determined to learn at what
hour my husband comes home nights;
yet, do what I will, 1 cannot keep
awake, and he is always careful not to
make particle of noise. Is there any
drug which produces wakefulness?-
Wife. No need to buy drugs. Sprinkle
the floor with tacks.-Philadelphia
Call.
''Yes.'' she said to her escort as they
glided around the rink, Il do love roll
Ter skating. While you are sailing
around, your soul seems floating to-
wards heaven, and" Just at that
moment both of her souls foated away
toward heaven, and the rest of her
smote the earthly floor with a mighty
smite. Syracuse Herald.
If there is anything that will make a
man cordially hate himself, it is when
he takes walk about mile to the
post Office to find that he has left his
keys at home, and then on. going back
after them to find on opening the box
that the only thing in it is card noti-
flying him that his box rent is DUE
Boston Post.
Wizard yer git dat hatchet?" ask
ed an old negro of his son, '.Foun' it
in Mr.. Johnson's yard on er stump"
':Dat's all right den, chile. | wuz
Altered dat yer'd stopd it. Allus be
kereful how yer pick up things whut
doan' long ter yer, but when yer finds
er thing. lessen de owner is lookin' at
yer, it's yourn.-Arkansaao Traueler.
"Have you any nice books for a girl
of my age?' asked a pert little brunette
of the librarian in a public library.
'Yes. think so,'' replied the polite
young fellow. trying to think of some
thing '.just her size. Have YOU read
Sixteen Summers?'" .'Oi,. bless YOU.
moi" exclaimed the Mortified maiden.
turning as red as Il boiled lobster.
''rm only Is summers Old!
While an enicrprising gentleman,
who had recently connected his house
and Office By telephone. was convers-
ing with his wife about bringing up Il
friend 10 dinner, IN electric disturb
ance took place and the Lightning sud-
denly entered the office by the wire
and prostrated him. When he came
to. he calculated: "All right. Susie.
iii do just as YOU say; don't hit me
again. .'-Floritla Times Union.
A lad in an English school, on being
asked who Moses was, replied: "Hc
was an Egyptian. He lived in q hark
made of bullrushes. and he kept gold
Ell calf and worshipt braizen snakes.
and he het nothing but quales and
manner for forty years. He was kort
by the air of his ed while riding under
the bow of tree. and he was killed by
| his own son ADslon as he was hanging
from the bow. His end was piece"
DR.. Xenker, after 4 long investiga-
ton, concludes that the strained, pecu-
liar position into which the legs and
feet are thrown while digging and
gathering potatoes has been found to
produce, in some cases. q singular dis
ease, thought to be neuro;sis Of the To-
comotor apparatus of the feet and legs,
the thighs and trunk not being affect
ed.-Scientifc Paper. DR.. Xenker' 5
observations have been of a very super
fetal kind if he has failed to notice the
interesting fact that neurosis of the To-
comotor apparatus usually occurs when
the boy who digs wants to stop and go
fishing, and his pa won't let him.-1n-
diGndpolis Journal.
Some Of Floyd county's colored citi-
zens can take the cake when it comes
to names. One of them is known as
Charlie Fancy; another sails under
the paralyzing adverb Furthermore"
David Furthermore. A third one of
the colored brothers surnamed Higgins
prefxes the suspicious adjective "Anon-
ymous" to his first name. and filings
his ballot as Anonymous Higgins. The
White family adds two more oddities
to the list. There is January White
and Weary White. and it is asserted by
those who know that Weary has been
tired ever since he was born.-Ron,e
(Ga. Courier.
How to keep a pledge: Pete Fowler,
although somewhat addicted to drink,
| had considerable literary taste. He