The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1884-02-18
IT MIGHT HAPPEN ANY TIME,
And SIM the Commissioners Won't
Act and DO the Just Thing.


And sim the Commissioners Won't
Act and DO the Just Thing.
Great Cesars ghost, what looking OBJ
ject It seemed TO be n human being, and
yet 10 was mud from head to foot, aud
looked like o mud man. It had no hat, but
tshead was covered with cap ofdi which
matted and tangled what seemed to have
been once hair. The places whore the eyes
ought 10 have been were occupied by in
describably bungcd up objects. Its nose was
knocked out Of all proper shape. Hero and
there were red streaks that looked like
blood. What appeared to have been once
clothes were tattcred and torn. Such was
the appearance IL presented to hasty
glance as II was borne into the Office to day
by two men and deposited on the first va
cant chair. This happened to be near the
society reporter, who gathered his broad.
cloth coat more closely about him aud hur-
ried Off TO the other end of the room. The
religious editor muttered prayer or
quoted a text of scripture. Tho police
court reporter looked terribly frightened.
The fighting editor had his pistols out in
tricc. The Office boy crawled under the
table. The Office dog fairly howled,
After the commotion created by the pros
ence had subsidized and it was observed that
the thing was apparently harmless, the
news editor in a voice of thunder asked the
attendants what they meant by
Bringing the Horrible Thing Here.
"Sorr!" exclaimed both in frightened
tones.
"Why did you bring that hideous thing
hefoY
"shurc an he towld us to- an he said we
wud be well paid fur the throuble."
Il o Van. Ia Rtsafr
talk ?"
at cud just n little whin we picked it
up and put It in the cart. He said he
wurrekcd hero; but ho seemed dazed
loike"
"Some drunken loafer, guess, who i'm
posed upon you" suggested the religious
editor.
"Nary drunk" said one of the attend
ants. There was not the smell of the
raythur about i'm So
~ am no drunken loafcr." said sepul-
cbral voice from out the mud 81 am gen
tlcman and a stranger here aud have had
all want Of Washington"
BY this time all present had gathered
about the object. The janitor was called
in, and after the mud had been partially
removed, the object was recognized rs n
new reporter, who had only few days be-
fore como to the city, and who had been
engaged to do special work.
Heavens! man, how did this happen
What have you been doing?" asked the
Mortified news editor.
"This is your boosted city Of Washington.
is it? These arc your well-paved streets,
are they? Here Is where life and property
are protected, are they?"
"But, my dear sir, there must be
Some Terrible Niistakc-''
"DIstake! / should say there was a
mistake. / have been terribly mistaken.
Your city is fraud. 1 was told chat
Washington was we'll paved. l have
found nothing but mud, mud, mud"
But, my dear sir
"Don't dear sir me. Don't tell mo any
more lies about your beautiful city It's o
delusion and snare. After vain effort to
find the residence of friend last night, and
as was returning to my hotel, was
EngnIred I'm Sea of Mud.
Then lot of footpads, WHO had perhaps
been awaiting tho opportunity, assaulted
and robbed me-"
"Why did you not call for the police?"
"Police 1 called as loud as could. But
there are no policemen. The footpads had
| it all their own way. They said / might
| call all pleased and no policeman would
| hear mo, for they never came there"
| didn't you call for help? Were there
no houses In the neighborhood? 2"
eyes, there were houses, but the robbers
only laughed at my calls 1t then struck
| me that the people were terror-stricken at
The Lack of Police Protection,
and that even If they heard me they would
not dare to run the risk and como to my
aid"
do you think you could recognize your
assailants If they were arrestedP'
mo, for there were no lights there. Only
here and there in the distance could be
seen the faint glimmer of a gas-lamp."
"But you must have wandered out into
the country. Washington is a beautiful,
well-paved city. Its streets are ordinarily
well lighted and our police force is as rule
efficient"
"Don't talk that stuff to me. tell you
was not in the country. l was in the
city, and the streets were not paved nor i'm
proved, and there was neither light MOI
police protection. Why, if the rulers oil
any Western city left it in the condition !
found yours, Judge Lynch's power would
be invoked thoy would DO
Strung Up TO the First Lamp.POst,'
and as he Missed this through his teeth the
stranger fell back exhausted.
"Where did you find this MANI" wa
asked of one of the attendants.
picked i'm up out of the mud as W,
were coming to wurk wild the cart thi
mornin, just as IL was gettin' daylight
"But where? Where did you find him
'Shtclsen in the mud, / tell you, began
the Guvermint Printin' Offs"
The Explanation Complete.
1t was all explained.
The strange reporter had been hunting
for friend who lived somowhereyiatf