The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1884-08-26
THE AM ATEUR CHEMIST.
Bill Nye Tries His Efforts to Inn
prove q Red Headed Man.
Cleveland Sun.

and experimental chemists and corOn
ers are swallowed up by journalism
and how thankful the public ought t
be that they are in a field where they
cannot get at the lives of the people
We often find fault with fate, but Ger
tainly it is wisdom that takes a man
out of the drug store AMI puts him in
the sanctum.
w. L. Visscher, who has done
journalistic work on many papers, and
work too, that would have made hi:
reputation world. wide if he hadn't
been so Internally anonymous about
it, was once drug clerk in Kentucky.
If you watch closely you will ZEE the
man who is intended as a newspaper
athlete, will 60 through the gamut OF
trades and pr. fessious, but will surely
get into Journalism first or last. And
it isn't such calamity to befall a
young man either, as it used to be.
Of course, / mean if he is a good
square newspaper man, not the seal
lawag kind or the kindergarten hui
morist, but a real, working, advaEc-
ing, sure enough newspaper man, with
a love for his work and a desire to
improve.
Well, Visscher used to invent
things when he was in the drug bust
ness. He showed a good deal of in
genuity in that way. He invented a
kind of rat poison once that worked
well, but the ingredients were too ex-
pensive to make the patent valuable
one. He killed nine rats with his So
luton, but it cost him $50 10 do it.
This, you see was fatal. not only to
the rats, but to the poison itself.
Jesse Clawser was a resident of the
village in which Visscher was acting
as Nemesis pro tenn, and general soda
fountain superintendent. Jesse was
a dead shot when he got after the
Kentucky squirrel, and life ought to
have been one long, happy squirrel
hunt for him. But he was not entire
ly happy. He had red whiskers.
He did not care for bis angry hair,
but his infamed beard annoyed him
very much. He went to Visscher,
regarding him as sort of chemist
who could do most anything with his
mysterious jars and peculiar smelling
herbs. He asked Visscher to color
his beard for him, and offered, in con-
sideration therefor, to bring him a
mess of squirrels. The price was
satisfactory, and the young chemist
proceeded to make Mr.. Clawser's
beard as black as a ravens wing with
lunar caustic. Every little while he
would make a mistake and hit the
skin, and Mr.. Clawser would Jump
out of his chair with great uneasiness.
Wherever the caustic struck Jesse's
epidermis it would leave a black
spot that would wash off about as
easily as birthmark.
Well, Mr.. Clawser walked out of
the back room of that drug store
with a beard as black as an Egyptian
tom cat and hair as red as the sunset
of summer day in my own Italian
home so far, far away.
At first no one knew him. He had
to introduce himself. Then people
got better acquainted with him, and
the people of Northern Kentucky,
who were not too busy, dropped their
other duties and followed him around
wherever he went. This at last
panied and annoyed him. He got
through ten days, and then he stole
into the store after hours one night
and begged Visscher to shave him. |
The great amateur chemist offered TO
do so for another mess of squirrels.
He didn't do it very well, but he
made out to seggregate Mr.. Clawser
from his glorious beard. There it |
lay on the floor like the end of cows |
tail soaked in logwood, a dead, un-
natural, horrible. sombre pile of stiff |
and diabolical hair. Mr.. Clawser
heaved sigh of relief and went to the
mirror. He there saw a young man |
With white eyes and eream-cOlOred |
eyebrows. The lashes were ecru and
the freckles were like large fecks of
bronze. The hair hung about the
like an incendiary fire beyond !!
control. To add to the general horror
of the holocaust, his face was spotted |
all over with black daubs of lunar
caustic. Mr.. Clawser looked like the
man of the burnt district. He looked |
like the tattooed man at a circus. He |
reminded people of a red-headed pen.
wiper.
He went around through the forests
frightening little children into st. |
Vitus' dance for three days, and living
on huckleberries and blue grass. He
then took another mess of squirrels to
Visscher and asked him if there wasn't