The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-05-08
WIT AND HUMOR.


ed as when they are the subject OF con-
versation Hence it has been said that
sthe child is father of the man"
did you reveal your IDENTIFY" ask
ed New York politician of one Of his
minions wall, you bet l didn't. 1
just told him who was and it broke
him all up
II Climb to Rest" is the name of Luz
cy Larcom's latest poem. Whence the
inference that her poetry does not pay
enough to permit Miss Larcom to room
on the parlor floor.
Chair boarders" is the name now ap-
piled to those men who invest the hotel
reading-rooms, getting heat, a comfort
able seat and the latest news free, gra-
It's, for nothing.
Heard on the lake: "Can that girl
skater" Il think not" ''Then you'd
better escort somebody else .But
what shall do with her?" ''Oh, just
let her slide"
"Ah!" sighed Brown, ''this life is
full of disappointments." "Yes." re-
piled Fogg, glancing significantly at
Mrs. F., land some disappointments
are 1ulI OF lie.
During series of wet days gentle
man ventured to congratulate his
umbrella maker. Eyes shafts all very
well, SIR" he replied, ''but then there's
nothing whatever doing in parasolsp
Rev. George H Hepworth calculates
ing the truth at funerals than in any
other way. 1t ought to draw crowds
though. Telling the truth at funerals
is great novelty.
Emma Abbott says ''the voice of a
prima donna is as delicate as a new
born babe" And the voice of a new
born babe is as delicate as prima
donna. That is to say, it is very loud.
Boston Transcript.
In all ages and all countries the
scales have been the emblem of Justice.
From this it is painfully evident that
all fellows whose business it is to get
up emDlems have never traded much at
grocery and provision stores.
A Chicago editor says: ITO polish
windows, simply breathe on them and
then rub briskly with a napkin" We
wouldn't like to have Chicago editor
breathe on window belonging to US.
He might break it.-PhiladeLphia Call.
An article headed How Shall We
Treat Bismarck" appears in the New
York World Don't treat him at all.
Nudge him along to the other end of
the bar, and make him pay for his own
| drinks if he wants any Chicago Times.
A Dakota lawyer was recently ar
rested for stealing wood, but such was
the power of his eloquence that he
made the jury believe that he was only
walking in his sleep and thought he
was placing flowers on the grave of his
! first wife.
An Indiana man attempted to COM
nit suicide because his wife cut off her
bangs. 1t is hoped that this incident
| will not deter women from cutting off
| their bangs. A man without life looks
better than woman With bangs. -Nor-
riStoUn Herald.
Shaving costs so much, week in and
week out" said an uptown man to his
wife, ''that have determined to buy a
razor and shave myself" "If you do
get one, George" pleaded his wife,
promise me il shall be a dull one, SO
that you won't cut yourself. "
A couple of Vassar girls were found
by a professor fencing with broom
sticks in a gymnasium. He reminded
the young girls that such an accom-
plishment would not aid them in secur-
inc husbands. 1T will help US keep
them in, ~ replied one of the girls.
An influential Canadian journal is
responsible for the statement that when
the Marquis of Landsdowne shakes
hands with friend he bows and smiles
And here we have been thinking all
along that when he shakes hands with
q friend he bends himself backward
and bowls.
Young man. writes to learn what
nauStHna M PdrO0 means. ~ Dung
man." did you ever call to see your
best girl and have her cruel father
to meet you at the door. and with one
crushing glance say: Cor Well, that
is naultuna IN parUo, and that is about
all you want!
''Can'tyou find anything to do, Jimp"
asked one detected looking loafer of
one equally as forlorn. Not at my
trade, replied Jim, land dislike to
take anything 1 don't understand. :"
What is your trader" Excepting flies
off the baby while he sleeps. '-H0s0ard
Grip.
Now. darling, will you grant me
one favor before goP" Eyes, George,
| WILL" she said, dropping her eye
lashes and getting her lips in shape.
''What is the favor l can grant you?"
only little song at the piano, love.
/ am afraid there is a dog outside
waiting for me, and 1 want to scare
him away"
He was rather soiled and seedy-look-
ing, his nose resembled crimson sun
set, and when he entered a store and
accosted the head of the firm with:
Say, boss, I'm raising fund to bury
my mother-in-law; can't you give me a
lift?' he was Immediately accommo-
dated. He was given lift that almost
loosened the roots of his hair.
Matthew Arnold thinks that the ma
jority of American women look pale,
unhappy and careworn. Very likely
the majority of the American women
that Matthew saw did look so, and
were every bit as unhappy and care
worn as they looked. Harassed with
the thought of the dollar they had
squandered, no wonder they looked
pale.
81 hear that your brother is given to
somnambulism?" whats that?"
He walks in his sleep" "Well, that
makes me smile. l guess you don't
know my brother. He is the LATEST
man in Texas. He wouldn't walk in
his sleep no matter how sound asleen