davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

Pa said Rollo, looking up from
'Roughing It, what is gold-bearlug
quarts: We'll, my son. replied Rol'
los father. who was glanciug in trou-
bled manucr at the uilkman's bill Tor
October. when man sells diluted
water for nine cents quart, L think
he has struck a better gold-bearlug
quartz than ever Mr.. Marx Twain
dreamed of.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

What are you dolugT asked board
ing house man of his chum as no
caught him tiptoeing up and down
stairs. 'I'm going 10 get married next
month"; was the solemn reply, and
am practicing how TO get in late at
ni,ht without raising racket
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

waiter, bring me eleven ram oys-
ters,' we don't give eleven Dir we
give six or twelve.' No, twelve would
never do we should be thirteen al
liable
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

The following interesting advertise
ment appears 10 London newspaper:
.Mr. and Mrs. May have left OF cloth.
inc of every descrlpiiou.' The neces-
sit1 for advertising this fact anywhere
oxcent in blind asy,um Is not obvious
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

The japanese used to have such q
high sense OF honor that they would
com nit suicide if caught in any bad
business. Now they fee lawyer, and
plead not guilty. ODD
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

EDUCATIONAL CRANMING.- Jones
II see that the government is educat.
NO 10000 Indian childien at It's own
,xpepse.' Sni.h-'Yes great dodge,
isu't hy' Jones - Great dodge; how
.oP' SmitL-'Why, you see. the copper
colored youngsters are put through the
5 me kind OF a crammipg process that
white children are subjected TO, ard
.ev,n if lLey live 10 grow up they won'l
have slrtpgth enough left to 90 on
warpath. .b s.sms, i.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

A London clergy vouches for the
fact that he seolded pet dog to death.
Il is safe 10 assume that man UNDER
stand. how to see to 1t that the cons
tributiou box is filled.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

DO not marry widower,' said the
old lady; "a ready.made family is like a
plate of cold potatoes 'Ol, Ill soon
warm them oyer,' replied the dam.sl
aud she did. .r
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

Quite excusable: 4 beg . thousand
pardons for coming go late.' Ny dear
sir replied the lady, graciously, no
pardons are needed. You can never
come too late.' ... .a.... f.J
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

Our colored brethren are holding q
camp. meeting not far away, aud one OF
them, holding forth from the text.
How old art thou y said in his open.
ing, Brethren, this anna question that
must be answered in the affirmatiye.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

A delegation of Apache chiefs, re-
Gently in Washington, we're at the
treasury enjoying the hospitality and
the cigars of one of the officials. The
lady clerks focked into the room to
see the braves, aud were gazing in Gu
rloslty at them, when one OF the sober
chiefs, after contemplating the bevy
of blushing maidons, turned TO the head
of the bureau aud conddentlally aud
seriously, but very aullbly, renirksa;
Me give twenty-five ponies for oaeof
your squaws.' The remark carried con-
siernation into the ranks Of the treasury
girls, and they scattered to the iour
quarters OF The building. -.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20
The Blue Wmrf.

for the first time the other day. He
had been carried through course Of
sprouts at home to prepare him TOR the
heavier duties OF school life, and bis ex.
animation had been so satisfactory that
Mrs. Mulkittle congratulated herself on
her skill as a teacher. 1t was decided
that he should attend private school,
taught by pious maiden lady with SIM
gular shape and blue wart on her
nose.
Now, Miss Raw said Mrs. Mulkt-
tie, when she presented the boV TO the
teacher, L want you 10 make him mind
you. l don't think that you will find
him self-willed. He is easily governed
by kind treatment, and l think that he
| will become very much attached to you.
feel that you will learn to love him.
oh, l am quite sure,' replied Miss
Ray, who had been much more sue.
cesslui in her love affairs with children
than with men. ALI of nv scholars love
me. Don't throw paper wads, Tommy
Peers. They all soon learn that though
l am gentle will be obeyed, Johnny
Ames, don't rake the wall with that
nail.
We'll, 1 will leaye bin with you, Miss
Ray. Willie, be a good boy.'
| 'Yessum.'
Don't let NE hear any bad reports o
| Yon.' ID
Nome
Come here, my little man, and le
see how far you are advanced sale
Miss Ray, when Mrs. Mulkittle hat
| gone.
| I'm way past Baker an Shady, an
Lady, said the boy, when Miss RAY
opened spelling book: L can read anC
write easy Words and looking up. h'
caught sight fthe blue wart, Now, any
other kind of a wart might have beer
overlooked or excused without investi
CATION, but blue wart was something
new TO the boy, and could not be dis
missed.
/ whats that on your nOse2
You can read some. can you?' asked
MISS Ray, pretending not TO have heard
the boys question.
Yes, some. what's that on you
nose9'
A litter went around the room, ant
Miss Ray, turutng to young Mulkittle
said rather sharp:
IT'S wart. Now, pay attention t
me-
| You know it's blue don't you?'
Yes
Thought you didn't know?'
Hush, now, and let me see how ia
you have gone'
Does 1t hurl?'
No.
'Wby don't you pick it?'
Hush, now, Children, keep quiet
You are enough to drive body Wild.
&'Don't you wish it wasn't thereT
No. Now, look here
pm lookin' there. Why don't yo'
pull that hair out Of 1t? No, 1t aln't
hair. Thought it was.
The lady became embarrassed al
then angry under the boys scrutiny.
IF you don't stop asking so man
foolish questions I'll send you home
But | want to know what 10 kno
, Just as much as 1 want to know wh'
o you want me 10 know
well, now, what do you want
know ? I'll satisfy you If it is in m
power
/. How long has The wart been there
Ever since l can remember reptile
D Miss Ray setting herself back vii
!. calm consideration.
Has it been blue all the time p
8 'Yes.'
will il always be blpe?
r Il think so.'
Did you ever try to take It ot'?'
o No.
s why haven't you2
r Because l haven't
d why because you haven'tp
p L don't know
'Why?'
You are enough 10 lun a perso
crazy .tt
Il 1t keeps you from getting marne'
= don't it Cause nobody would want
r You leave here this minute, 20
e good.for-nothiug litlla rascal. 20 Q
and AoDjt Won come hack aOaln,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

No. saio the eloping woman; there
isn't tue least likelihood that my hut-
baud will discover my Whereabouts.
He's a New York detective.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

CHEAPEST FASHION MACHINE In the Wono, !"
large psges, pages new music, 1000 engra'lhss
each issue. SO cents per year. single COPIES 10
cents srRAwBRDoE & cLorHIER Sth, Marke'
81 phiiadelphia.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

The cattle plague-The COW thst 8
opens the garden-gate With her horns,
and proceeds to banquet on the geran = +.
ans and lettuce. e'it" t''tN
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

Josh Billings hasthfs playful apolica.
ton Of see.saw :.T saw bliud wood.
sawyer. While none ever cav him see,
thousands have seen him ssS.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

THE WIFE's WELCoME.-A well
known clergyman 10 the north OF EGG
land entertained recently a brother
clergyman from some distance. The
evening beng unpropitious, he asked
him 10 remain for the night. At dusk
.he clergyman asked his guest to ster
into the manse while he gave orders Ia
have his conveyance ready IN The morn
ing. As the visitor entered The mause
,he clergyman's wife mistook him 10
the dusk for her husband, and, seizing
the pulpit Bible which was on the
lobby table, brought the full weight Of
it across bis shoulders, excIalming en-
phatically. Take that for asking the
ucly wretch to stay all night
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

stoyes show which way the coal
goes. ,...,.. b,.n, asol,tai sa3Is1 1.iall
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

When is boat like heap Of snow7-
When il Is adrIft. 'ii '7ii 'i,'- ~
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20
gbemans,oe1als' ,e1 als' !, 3srsaaID
Advertising Rates.

Advertisements will be inserted at oHE Dollar
per square Of ten lines or less for the nrst isser:
ton, and 50 cents for each subsequent Insertion
Unless the number OF insertions be married up'
on the manuscript, II wiz be published until for.
bidden. and charged accordingly. ~ ~
Notices Ia the local column will be insertsa At
ten cents per line, each insertion.
Advertisements for three months or longer win
be insert ed at lower rates.-z-s---
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

Two heads are better than one,
particularly 10 q barrel,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20
oyERsEERs POOR.
NoTARIBs PUBLIC.
JUSTICES OF THE PEACE.

pAv1s p1sr.-Dr. @. A. Brown, obed Funk and
Abla Baker.
Whitaker
JoHNsToN.-R. L.Roberts Levi Il. Cullers. Isaiah
Gem.
MADisoS.-samuel C. Campbell Jacob Lantz.
Jos. Conner. D,. ,
AsHBY-Jos Windle N. B. Painter, Lemusl
LTE.-ChristiaD Shirley, n. W. Baker, Am os
Peters.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

( r. B. CARTER, NJ. q,
Grad College Physician
& surgeon, Balt. Nd.
Has had an extensive
experience.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1884-02-20

we are prepared to furnish cof6ns Of all
STYLES, glass top caees and esskets, of all sizes
also burial robes for adults and children,
az the lowest prices Hearse furnished and
-f6Herals attended at short notice in town CT
eoaptry = By pfomPtness and dispatch, and
,by eh srges II mast reasonable Of sny town
|inTths Valley, We expect 70 secure isrgs
share Of public patronage .-is
~ bODEFFER Z 1Cst
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03
Shakspsrs and Whist.

Our poet is an inexhaustible source of
quotations for al sorts of subjects and
occasions, says Mr.. Rolfe, in the Liter
ary World; and it is wonderful how pat
these excerpts often are, though used
in connections of which their author
would never have dreamed. A CORES
pondent in Columbus, Ohio, has sent
us capital illustration of this, in the
shape of an elegantly printed little SOU
venir of series of games played by the
Whist Club of that city. A few Of the
passages will serve as samples of the
whole, and the point of each will be
clear to every whist player: Whatever
else shall hap tonight, give it an un-
derstanding, but no tongue. Seal up
your lips, and give no words but mum !;
the business asketh silent secrecy. No
tongue! all eyes! be silent. Be assured
We come to use our hands and not our
tongues. am fain to shuttle. Who
leads? The most patient man in loss,
the most coolest that ever turned up
ace. 1have been in continual practice !;
I shall win at the odds. Have I not
here the best cards for the game, to
win this easy match? One out of suits
with Fortune, and that could give more
but that her hand lacks means. Our
sport shall be to take what they mis-
take. I'll mark the play. Our FORE
fathers had no other books but the
score and the tally.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03
The Wedding of He Haw Wilde.

London Truth remarks that Nellie
went to see Oscar Wilde's wedding,
and was immensely amused, on arriving
at the church (St. Jamse's, Sussex Gar
dens), to find that the bridegroom had
given orders thae none should be adj
mitted unless they had his card. OF
course, it was quite right that certain
portion of the church should be set apart
at weddings for the friends of the bride
and bridegroom: but for man to issue
his commands as to who shall and who
shall not, be admitted to public place
of worship is a little too ridiculous.
Nellie got in, however, notwithstanding
her being unprovided with Mr.. Oscar
Wilde's visiting card. She says the
brides dress was pretty, chiefly on &C.
count of its perfect simplicity, Her
veil was peculiar, being of gauze or
open-meshed spun silk, or something
unusual. The bridesmaids harmonies
of terracotta and primrose were spoiled
by white hats and feathers. Nellie says
it was the funniest thing IN the world
to see the contracting parties and the
best man posing in studied attitudes
during the ceremony. Fancy man
being married with his head on one side,
like tired" lily, his hand on his hip
and his legs disposed according to pre-
concerted arrangement. The brides
maids carried lovely lilies. Lady Wilde
"snatched" her new daughter to her
heart with some effusion. and the bride
groom Gesed the bride.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03
Mor1noas Still Coming.

Twenty-Five Mormon missionaries,
with" sol converts-40l Scanlinavians
and 100 English-arrived at New York
by the steamship Arizona en- route to
Salt Lake City, under charge of Chief
Elder C. Fl. Nyc. AS the steamer
reached the dock, a roll call was held,
and each elder was detailed to his
respective post. The young women
looked listlcss as tho elders rushed in
among them, giving orders. Elder Nye
said:
The converts bring are not all recent
accessions, some having been members
of the church over thirty years, who
through lack of means or other causes
have been unable to come here. I am
now going back to Utah to remain there,
and within shor; time of our arrival a
further relay of elders will DO sent to
Europe to keep up the work. consid-
er that have been very successful.
Referring to the arrest of Mormon
missionaries in Vienna, MI. Nyc says: II
do not contemplate any serious outcome
from it."
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03
Cupid in the Court Room,

A late occurrence in a German court
of Justice points out to women a new
method of accomplishing her destiny.
Every lawyer knows the advantage to
his cause of bringing his client into
court, if she is handsome. graceful, in
teresting, and, above all, if she has COM
mand of tears. Many a verdict has been
gained rather by pair of beseeching
eyes or dropping figure than by any
argument. High damages for breach
of promise, divorce from an irksome
husband, acquittal from probable char
ges, have all been gained by women in
the court room; but did any one ever
win husband? This is what happened
to German girl. She was on trial for
child murder. She was acquitted from
this charge, but was condemned for
some trifling infraction of the law to a
few weeks imprisonment. During the
trial one of the jury, well-to- do burgh-
or, who had been unable to keep his
eyes off her. On her release he met her
at the prison door, requested and OBJ
tanned her assent to courtship which
in short time resulted in marriage.
Boston Advertiser.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03
Iaad.sortp carp,nt,r conviot,4.

Yankton, Special:-After trial Of nearly ono
month, the jury in tho fraudulent scrip case
rendered verdict against E. E. Carpenter, Of
guilty of conspiracy to defraud the United
States in issuing fraudulent scrip. Defendants
counsel gave notice of motion for stay Of
Judgment and new trial The defendant
could not get all the witnesses he desired, and
did not make very vigorous defense, intend
ing to make this motion. He will also argue that
as the New Orleans subtreasury was not
established by congress, no conspiracy
against the United States could DO committed
by making bogus scrip. 1t is thought that the
motion for a new trial may be granted. If not
the sentence must BE- pronounced, and w. D.
Russell, convicted two years ago and now on
bail, must also receives sentence. Cameron's
trial will be postponed. About month ago it
will be remembered, Carpenter escaped from
custody and went to Iowa, where he was roar
rested and taken back to Yenkton without the
usual formalities of law D. J. Spaulding of
La Crosse, charged with completely in the scrip
frauds, was tried and acquitted on the 18th
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03

college at Clinton, N. Y, Wednesday afternoon,
Prof. Best gave reception in the evening.
The students, while the reception was going on,
entered Prof. Best's residence and endeavored
to steal the ice cream and cake. They broke
open tho cellar door and ransacked the house
to find it. During the reception they threw
mud at tho windows, lifted of the shutters, and
hooted and howled until Prof. Best was obliged
to go out on the stoop and draw his revolver.
The solitary policeman was called and arrested
one Zimmerman and took him to jail At about
midnight sixty of the students went to the Jail
armed with axes, clubs and iron bars The
fire bells were rung and the citizens turned
out to prevent the rescue Of the prisoner.
Zimmerman was taken to court next day and
dischargedfor lack of evidence,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03

Midsummer fest was celebrated at Red Wink
BY the Scandinavians Of this city and vicinity
in true old;co1ntry style. Speeches were
going back 70 the old he.then times in Sesn1-
dinavia, when this day was observed 1t :
feast to the god Bslda. One custom was to
light fires on every hilltop ct sunset, O. an
Offering to the god Of light Many pleasant
"reminiscences were alluded to of old times in
Norway and Sweden B. B. Herbut and Hon
kept the crowd in good humor until the May
pole games and dances took the attention Of
all. A bountiful feast was spread by the
ladies, to which all were invited. Songs were
sung, toasts drank in lemonade, speeches
made, until sunset, when all went home, well
pleased
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03
Great Storm in Ohio and 4enn,ylv.ai.,

Great Storm In Ohio and &ennsylvaaia.
terrific thunder storm passed over por-
ton Of Western Pennsylvania and Eastern
Ohio last Thursday, damaging property and
killing several persons and large amount of
live stock. At Murrayville, Pa, boy named
Wolf and four horses were struck by lightning
and killed A young brother of the boy was
badly burned. At Waynesburg, Pa, Miss Jo-
sic kcenes and William RAIDER wore seriously
mi by lightning bolt and three horses
killed: At Cory, Pa, several head OF blooded
stock belonging to Henry Case were killed. At
Salem, Ohio, Miss Minnie Westpoor, aged six
teen, was standing in the doorway when light
ming struck the veranda, killing her Instantly
At Youngstown Ohio, lightning struck the
house of Abner Mcadskner, killing his laugh-
ter and severely injuring others of the family
Three barns were destroyed. At Newcomers
town, Ohio, the storm was accompanied by =
furious tornado. Trees were uprooted, fences
blown down, and great damage dene to crops.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03
Boiler Disaster at Wausau, Wis.

The boiler of Smiths planning mill in Wau-.
sau, Wis, exploded Wednesday morning with
terrible force. 1t was bedded in brick, which
fell in shower for blocks around It shook
the whole city. Four persons were killed out
right, and many badly hurt The killed are:
Mary Croker, George Brown, foreman and
engineer. August Stricke, foreman, blown to
pieces. William Buchanan, shipper for N. B.
Atwater 4 Co., badly hurt, and will die Many
houses were badly shattered Apiece of boiler
weighing nearly ton was blown over a wood
shed and against tho side of building ten
yards distant, with shower of brick that shat
tered every window in the house. Eight per-
sons were in the room where the piece struck,
but escaped with but slight injuries.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03

Tho discussion of the Mexican pension bill in
tho senate brought out some queer statistics
about the pensioners of tho war of 1872 That
war was ended nearly seventy years ago, and
the number Of troops engaged in it was not
remarkable, yet Today there are actually 81
GOO pensioners on the roll as widows of that
war. They drew last year 81, 49,, GOO, or five
and half times as much as the few old soldiers
surviving: Or course, the explanation is that
some of the widows were married to the veter-
an warriors half century or 80 after the war
was over and they became entitled to their
pensions in duo time, when their husbands
died. Thus it is not impossible that in the
twentieth century greater part of the q 600
widows will still be drawing pensions on &C.
count the war of 1872
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1884-07-03
Miscellaneous Matters.

A fOur-year old runaway horse recent
ly kept ahead of Swiss railway train
for twelve and one half miles. He made
the distance in thirty four minutes, CO.
ing through two dark tunnels, and cast
ing one shoe.
Twenty -four steamships are employed
by one firm to bring fruit from the Med
iterranean to New York. Twelve are
passenger vessels, the greater parts of
whose cargoes are composed of fruit.
The others are freight vessels, whose
westward cargoes are entirely fruit.
It was good deacon, who, after pray
ing fervently one cold winter night that
the poor might be cared for, filled a
large basket with provision and set out
in the storm to minister to the needs of
a suffering family, quietly saying: I'll
60 and answer it myself"
A medical man undertakes to explain
nervousness, saying that it arises from
inheritance, indigestion, atmospheric
conditions, and the exactions of modern
life He maintains that the rapid
evaporation in our dry out door air and
in our over-heated rooms heightens the
rapidity of the processes of waste and
repair in the nervous system.
Miss Elizabeth Stuart Phelps says of
our aims in life: "You will never
realize until you have tried it what an
immense power over the life is the pow
er of possessing distinct aims. The
voice, the dress, the look, the very
motions of a person, define and alter
when he or she begins to live for a
reason. fancy can select in crowded
street the busy, blessed women who
support themselves. They carry them
selves with an air of conscious self-re-
spect and self-content which shabby
alpaca can not hide, nor bonnet silk
enhance, nor even sickness or exhaustion
quite drag out"
what is a sags?" "a sage, my son
is wise man who knows exactly when
to buy or sell stocks. We bury about
a dozen per month in this country, but
the supply still equals the demand"
"What is successful financier?" "Why,
the man who scoops So 100000 out of
the bank he runs, and drops the sugar
in Wall street." "What is a philoso-
pher?" "He is chap who loses his
wife's money in buying silver stock, but
increases his own by taking deal in
pork" "What is a financial prophet?"
He is a gentleman who states to an
interviewer on Wednesday that the
times are prosperous and business
solid, and on Thursday fails for ST.
100000 or $1,000, OOO."-Wall Street
News.
A Prominent philadelphia insurance
man said to reporter: 1T is surpris-
ing how few people would insure their
lives unless induced to do so by agents
or brokers. I do not think one fiftieth
of the number of policies annually is
sued by life insurance companies are
unsolicited. In consequence q large
portion of the years premiums have to
be paid by way of commissions to the
agents. very hard working body of
men, by the way. It teens, however,
strange that we cannot buy real estate
or dabble in stocks, or insure our lives,
or do hundred other things without
employing and paying somebody else
to do it for us, )"