Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-09-08

| ouiS. Out tuo PleuSe III InS DlDle
had two names, and they both agreed
that they had had glorious Fourth,
and never meant to live anywhere
but in the Gland of the free." AS for
Samantha, any listener pausing at
her gate would have heard a cracked
and quavering voice, singing as she
worked, "Praise God from whom all
blessings flow. American Reformer.
CARL DUNDER I'm Politics.
| In recent letter to the Detroit
Free Press, Gail Dunder says:
/ / like to have you put in your ba-
per dot / yhas not candidate
nit som bolitics dis fall, und / like
all my friends to take particular no.
tice.
! Der last time we had some bolitics
in Detroit my ole vhomans says to
me:
''Carl Dunder, you look like
Sheorge Washington, you vhalk like
Daniel Webster, und you shump off
a shtreet car like Henry Clay. Why
doan' you run NIT bolitics und pc
some great man?"
Vhell, / tink dot all over for five
days und decide dot l shall run for
some office. / tells Shon Places
aboudt it, and Shon comes NIT my
saloon and drinks four glasses of
peer und wipes off his shin and says :
''Carl, my poy, you vhas cut out
for some Congressman. / fix it dot
you go to Congress und shteal und
lie und loaf aroundt und pc states
man."
He doan' bay for dot peer, but it
vhas all right, und l goes home und
tells der ole vhomans dot We shall
soon pc in Washington in grand
shtyle- | feels SO pig dot I almost
busts open, but In abondt vheek
dot Shon Places comes in und prings
four men NIT him. Each man drinks
tree glasses of peer, und den Shon
he says:
carl, dis vhas der Congressional
Committee. We find dat der nomin-
alton vhas already promised to some
odder man. Dot vhas all right, how
ever. Washington vhas hadt blaze,
und like enough your ole vhomans
run AWAY NIT der pig-iron ring.
Katie goes in love NIT der Standard
Oil Company, and Shlm Blaine puys
you to vote NIT der Southern Pacific.
1t vhas peter you go NIT der Leg
islature." =
Vhell, / feels badt leedle while,
but I thinks it vhas all right. 1 goes
home und tells der ole vhoman dat
we go NIT Lansing, und put on shtyle
und shwell aroundt like some lords,
und she says dot vhas good enough
for bcor folks. | vhas all settled
down, und | tells all my friends, ven
dot Shon Places he vhalks in one day
NIT a crowd of fellers und says:
''Carl, dis vhas der bone und sim
ew, der toil-hardened tax-bayers of |
Detroit. We find dot you vhas left
on going NIT der Legislature, und so
we make you sheriff. 1t vhas pully
good office. 1t bays vhell, it will
lift you oop NIT good society, und
mappe you haf chance to be host-
master afterwards. Hurrah for Carl
Dunder, our next Sheriff p
Vhell, dot crowd drinks feefty
glasses of peer, und doan' bay me
| goes home und dells der
ole vhoman dot we doan' go NIT
Washington nor Lansing, put we
shtay in Detroit und pecome Sheriff,
und lief NIT der shall. bod bleases
her und Katie. Der shall vhas handy
to shtreet cars; all der rooms vhas
large und if we haf some company
nopody has to shleep on der floor.
| tells all Ger poys dot I vhas der
boss of der shall next time, und ev-
erybody drinks my peer und says dot
| go in by million majority. 1t vhas
very nice, but purity queek dot Shon
Places is aroundt again NIT a different
crowd und says:
''Carl Dunder, dis vhas der crowd
lot secures der sacredness NIT der
Der pulwarks of Amer
can liberty are pefore you. We find
lot you can't pc Sheriff, und so we
'uns you for Alderman. It vhas all
light. Der shall was oldt, und der
Sheriff must take off his hat to an AL
or he doan' go NIT an official
EXCURSION"
Vhell, dot crowd drink whole |
,eg of lager mitout bay, und ! goes {
lome md dells der ole vhomans dot G
'e vhas busted. She says she likes 1
lot. When she goes out on der
htrect cars eferypody says dot vhas
Alderman Dunder's wife, und she T
as free tickets mid all der minstrel e
hows und shtate fairs. / tink it all :
yer und / vhas gladt. If ! vhas an
alderman l schmell some rats, youj
now, und have free passes, free b
eer, und if doan' like a man / e
pen an alley NIT his door-yard. Yes n
OF vhas right, but dot Shon Places S
ONES once more NIT hundred men g
ehind him und says: a
ssCarl Dunder, peholt some law s
nd orderl Down NIT packed con- p
entions Down NIT repeating! We e
nd dot nomination for Aldermans tt
has promised already, und so we o