Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1884-10-30
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT

MIRTH AND MERRIMENT
Proof was being given ~ to the fac
OF Mrs. Jones having been on board
steam boat when her boiler exploded
Mrs. Jones, who lost both her HUSBAND
and trunk, having brought an actor
for damages. A German witness, OF
being asked IL he had seen Mr. Jone
on board, replied ;" didn't see hin
aboard dc boat dc last time" i" Yot
didn't 2" said the company slawyer
who thought hts case was now safe
!" Where did you see Mr.. Jones last q
/" VEIL" said the German when d.
schmoke-pipe and me vas going up VI
met Jones coming down."
A verdict OF murder In the first degret
had just been brought in. You
honor" said the prisoners counsel
rising and addressing the court,I" de.
mand new trial." "On wha,
ground ?" asked the Judge. ION the
ground that some mem bers Of the Jury
are Incompetent to render . just verdict.
Among them are On undertaken, 3 rope
manufacturer, . florist, and . dealer in
mourning goods. A new trial was
granted.
During sale Of pictures, two gentle
men we're eagerly bidding for q paint
ing which was . life. like represen Ia ton
of that patient quadruped with long
ears. Finally one Of them said "My
dear sir, II 10 of no use shall not
give in. The painting once belonged
TO my grandfather, and intend to have
it,. oh, Ia that case" said his Opp0.
nent, " 1 will give 1t up. 1 think you
are fully entitled to 1t II it il one OF
your family portraits.
Are you hurt ?" shrieked = dozen
ptc-nickine femAles IS ayoung man was
tossed over . neighboring fence by an
angry bull, and landed on hts head In
the middle of the road. Hurt ?" he
Why, Of course not am
ussd TO coming down that way"
y Used to II ?" exclaimed the fair cho-
rus. Why how can that be 2" al
own = BICYCLE" was the ieassuring re-
ply.
Not long since, Lily, . little girl of
1--we years, after saying her evening
prayers, began TO indulge in an original
petition OF her own, varying 1t accord
ing to her moods. She was aware that
she had not been particularly good on q
certain day, and her evening prayers
we're thus supplemented 81 pray the
Lord TO make Lily good little girl,
and fat first you don't succeed, try,
try again.
Spinster: lady :" Then you and your
want the same rooms you had
last year ?" Young lady: Yes, Miss
5piggins only 1t isn't mamma who
Is with mo, but my husband. I've got
married since last year. "Spiuster lady:
. Lor, now, have you? I'm glad to
hear 1t. Yet, after all, don't know why
should be glad you never did me any
harm, poor dear. 4"
4" Clara, what makes you sit 30 close
20 George when he calls Saturday
nights? | hope you will not forget the
proprieties, my child" "Oh, but, una,
George 10 dreadfully deaf" Eyes /
you father WAS troubled
with the Hame complaint before we
were married, but now cannot go
through his pockets in the morning
without waking him up"
"Where 10 the storm cent TODAY ?"
asked visitor to the Signal Services
There" replied an as
sistant, pointing to the chief. What
10 you mean, sir ?" Indignantly de-
handed the caller. " mean that he IL
the storm scenter Of this esta blishment,
'ir. That's AL" Well I'll be blow.
ID" gaeped the guest, as . gust of
wind waited him out ON the roof.
Yes they are excellent boots" said
be shoe-dealer TO the yourg lady pnr.
chaser they will wear like ron. I"
'Do you thiuk the buttons are sewed on
securely ?" she asked. They are the
BOOTS are supplied With the old maid .
Wedding button, new invention"
: Why il 1t called the old maid wed.
ling button ?" Because 1t never
zones off.
What to him was love or hope :?
What to him was joy Or care? He stop
ped on plug of mottled soap the girl
lad LETT ON the topmost stair, and his
'eet flew out like wild fierce wings, and
no struck each stair with a sound
ike drum, and the girl below with
the scrubbing things laughed like o
iend to see him come.
Then, II understand you" said .
to q customer, "you do not
intend to pay the amount you owe me?"
Your understanding is correct. cap m"
And you call yourself an honest man,
10 you?" Yes. sir. 1t l were not
honest l would toll yon thst intended
10 pay but being honest, do not wish
10 deceive you"
Do look at that young couple ="
whispered Mrs. Ross. Anybody
won Id know they were just married.
How silly he acts, and before people.
too." "Don't be to hard on the poor
replied Bass, Tho probably
hasn't anybody else TO make love to at
present.
Well. Pat was asked recently of an
land how do you like
America ?" It's q foine country,
sorr." -" Have you succeeded In get
ting work yet 2" " No, sorr but
have friend in Washington who Is
after getting ME pension.
80 you are going to keep a SCHOOL,"
said young lady to her old aunt.
Well, for my part, sooner than do
that l would marry widOwer with
nine Oh ildren. should prefer that
was the reply !" but where
10 the widower
The difference between honor and dis
erection Is that honor tells you not to
hit a man when he's down, and ciscre-
tion warns you to be careful about
hitting him when he isn't down.
"Why, Sa1n, how do you expect to
get that mule along with q spur on one
side 2" swell. boss, If gets dat
side to 60, amt de udder one boun' to
keep up 2"
New servant-"Oh, If you haven't
any children cant come, because
W henever anything Is broken, there
will be no one to blame it on but me. +"
A health journal says you ought to
take three quarters of IN hour for din
ner. 1t Is well, also, to add . few
vegetables and piece Of meat.