The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1884-02-14

said Seedy to Harduppe. mo. but /
have often wondered what Rothschild
would do if he had my income.
Said the guard of slow-going train
to an impatient traveller: No, you are
right, we are not good at annihilating
space on this line, but we do manage
to kill good deal of time"
Clerks who shovel snow off the side
walks are splendid mathematicians.
of an inch where their employers side
walks end and the nejghbors' begin.
Lolita, an American actress, was
Kissed in England. Mrs. Langtry, an
Englishwoman and no actress, is APP
plauded and showered with greenbacks
in America. This implies decidedly
queer taste somewhere.
Zone of the dollars is counterfeit,
ma am" ''How can you tell?" ''Sim-
ply by sounding. Just tap it and hear
how clear the genuine sounds. That's
tenor. Notice when l tap the other
one. That's base"
Humor in q telegram is not common
but when a weather dispatch from the
provinces says that ''the memory of the
oldest inhabitant has failed him again"
it strikes us as quite a display of the
humorous.
An article in an exchange is entitled
Religious umbrellas" A religious
umbrella, we should say, is one that
does't leave the church fifteen minutes
before its owner, and send 25-cent
substitute to take its place.
Out west the cellar is the place to 90
in time of cyclones, and when a man
surprising how many times a day he
thinks a cyclone is coming. -Bostos
Post
A Muskegon dude lost his engage
ment with Grand Rapids girl through
sad mishap. He called to take her
to the opera. She is nearsighted and
pulled his earlaps on her feet, mistak-
ing them for her overshoes.
When Hamlet told Ophelia to get
her to nunnery, she probably knew
that he wanted to get rid of her. 1t
broke her heart, but it seems that while
she wanted to die, she preferred drown
ing to burning.
An aged man dressed in military
clothes visited a western town recently
and registered at hotel as William
L. Sherman, late U. S. A" His real
name was Smith, but he had kissed all
the pretty girls in town before the
fraud was exposed. -NorriStoo0n Her
aid.
Backward, turn backward, 0 Timer
Papa: According TO this new stand
ard, Minnie, we must set the clock back
about four minutes. eh?" Minnie (still
IN the markell: -Four minutes! Put
it back lots, papa. Nothing less than
ten years will do me any goodr'
81 never can enjoy poetry when Tn
cooking" said an old lady who drop
ped in on us lately. ''But when 1 step
out to feed the pigs and hist myself on
the fence, and throw myself into a few
lines of Capt. Jinks, it does seem this
airth was made to live on after ALL"
Don't you think it little inconsist-
ent in a church member" said Parson
Jones to wealthy parishioner, ''for
you to 60 out riding on the Sabbath"
''No, indeed" replied the parishioner;
''that's my way of saving 'soles, you
know"
A large public meeting in Wyoming
Territory has requested the president
to appoint a woman as governor. If
this is done will she be governor or
governessp And will she be Her Ex-
cellency" or Her Sweetness" -OH
City Derrick.
Conscience-Unprepossessing old
bachelor: "And why do you think |
ought to get married, Miss Mabel?"
Miss Mabel Gagged 12): ''Oh, you look
as though you needed somebody to
take care of you, and-Oh, goodness,
you didn't think said that to lead you
on, did you?"
A young man thought to secure his
sweetheart by strategy, so he took her
out for q boat sail, and threatened to
jump overheard into the river if she
didn't consent to marry him. But it
did not work. She offered to bet him
sovereign that he daren't dive in,
and he wouldn't bet.
when l die, my boy" said a rather
festive Pittsburg father, to his son, 81
don't want any floral pillow with
Father or Rest on it, simply the let
tiers S. Y. L. nothing more" ..And
what, dear father, are these letters to
signify?" ''They shall stand for the
words See You Later"
The trouble with most poets is, that
they send their immature efforts to the
papers, and become discouraged be-
cause nobody cares for them but the
junk dealer. The successful poet, on
the contrary, keeps all his rubbish I'M
til he has written something worth
reading; then all he has to do is to get
out the rhymings of his callow days
and sell them at fabulous prices
A poor uncle at sea: whats thata
a bibleP' asked Fogg's country uncle
NO" replied Foge, opening the book.
Its Il dictionary" H mr. calculated
the avuneular relation, turning over
the leaves swell. / s'pose it's a
mighty valooable bool. to such fellers
as you, but mighty! if l had it l dent
believe I'd ever read it through, if [
lived to be as old as Methuselah.
A translation of German fun: Two
guests were seated at table in a hotel
when s. dog came up to them in a
friendly manner and sat down by the
side of one of them. This led the other
to ask rs that your poodle?n No."
was the reply; '.he belongs to the land
lord, and mighty cunning dog he is,
too. Between US, he is good deal
smarter" Yes returned the first
speaker, Il once owned such a dog
mvself."