The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1884-08-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIZ AND HUMOR.
Naomi was $50 years old before she
was married. The ice-cream busi-
ness must have got a good start during
Naomi's maidenhood.
"Ah, Jones, given up club life since
you got married?" '.Not at all.
have as much club life as ever. The
only trouble is my wife carries the
club"
"Oh, mamma, mamma" said little
girl the other day, as she saw chick
en- without any feathers in its tail, ''see
dat ole hen! She has losted the rib
bons out of her polonaise.
"Clothes!' exclaimed Yeast the
other morning to his wife, who was i'm
portuning her husband for some sum-
mer fixings; "why, l haven't re-
spectacle pair of trousers to my back!'
''Trust men and they will trust you,"
said Ralph Waldo Emerson. "Trust
men and they will bust you," says an
ordinary, everyday business man.
Cincinnati Saturday Might
american titles of distinction" says
the Judge, arc 'Bearon Wallstreet,
Count Yourchickens, Earl Ytobed." !"
Oh, yes; and there's Duke Comtobed
also, and Pfints Allthenews.
Commenting on the census showing
that the number of persons in each
family!is fraction over five, cynical
old bachelor supertluously adds that
the husband is the fraction over.
They have a pound for cats in
Brooklyn, says an exchange, We have
a pound for them in Boston, and it will
be administered with anything that
comes within our reach.-Bostop Post.
''Love is blind" Maybe that's how
the gas is so often turned down in the
parlor when love takes possession.
Because whyp Love being blind there
is no use in wasting gas to make light
for it.
A man will laugh at a woman en-
deavoring to sharpen a lead pencil,
but he does not reflect that if he were
to try ever so hard he could never trim
last years hat so that it looks like
new. =
The Summer offers great induce
mcnts to lovers. There are picnics,
excursions. parks, front door court
ships, pleasure strolls, ice cream, and
better still, they can see all the styles
of baby coaches.
II think 1 will 90 to Ohio to live,"
said a maiden of uncertain age. "What
for?" asked her grandfather. "Be-
cause there is one factory there that
makes 50, matches every day." she
replied, with sigh.
Young man, in looking for wife
look for an economical one. The girl
who in this sort of weather won't let
you hug her until she has taken off her
collar, and thus saved it from being
mussed, is the one who shows practical
economy.
A man who suddenly got rich in a
speculation has read somewhere that
every family, the richest and the
proudest, has skeleton in its closet,
and now he's skirmishing around to
buy skeleton, as his wife and daugh.
ters want to be in the style.
This is the time of the year that the
young man Just out of the high school
begins to perfect himself in jumping,
running, rowing, boxing and club
swinging, that he may pass salts
factory examination at Harvard, and
get into the Freshman class, -Fuok,
Il don't think the chorus girls of
the Boston Ideals are so very hand
some," said youth to his companion
the other day. II guess you are
prejudiced," said the grandfather, who
was present. II know some of 'em,
and they were called very pretty when
1 was boy"
''Shall sing When the Robins Nest
Again. darling?" she asked with
sweet smile as she moved toward the
piano, "Yes. love-" he replied; then
after moments pause he addedi s.ALs
low me to call your attention to the
fact that the robins won't nest again
till next year.
When think that there are men who
arc bold enough to look a woman in
the face, to address her, to shake her
by the hand, and to say to her without
sinking to the ground, with terror,
"Will you marry me?" l cannot help
wondering to what lengths human
audacity will go.-Stahl
A-"You see that man over oppositel
Well, he was once one of the most re-
spectacle and respected citizens in
town." B-"And isn'th now?" A.
'Alas! no. He went yachting last
Summer and saw the sea serpent" ;"
B-''And what of thatP" A-"Every-
body speaks of him now as liar and q
drunkard.
Somehow the young ladies don't
seem to grasp the leap-year idea as
thcy should. They ought to fly around
and spend their time and money on the
young men, who have to do that sort of
thing three years on the stretch. Leap
year was designed expressly to give
the young men financial rest, as it
were, and they need it, too.
A countrywoman, who was visiting
her married daughter in New York,
wrote home that she was ..living on a
fiat" A family council was held to
determine what the phrase meant. The
oldest son, who. had been to the city,
said it meant she was ''living in great
big house." But the majority came to
the conclusion that she meant that she
was living on her son-in-law. Boston
Post.
The girl with soft gray eyes and
ripping brown hair, who walked all
over your poor, tluttering heart at the
charity ball, has just finished q crazy
quilt containing 1,064 pieces of neck
ties and hat-linings, put together with
81, 800 stitches. And her poor old
father fastens on his suspenders with
long nail, a piece of twine, a sharp
stick, and one regularly ordained but
ton.-Bstrlington HasOkeye.
Ikey, who has recently returned
from personally misconducted trip to
Paris, is never tired of relating his
wonderful adventures to his doting but
somewhat suspicious mamma. You'd
hardly believe it, said key; 'but all
the boys and girls in Paris speak
French as easy as ! speak English,
"And who teaches theme" said the
old lady, flushing ominously. II
don't know" said 1key; .'but it is still
more funny to hear all the French dogs
bark ir English" /"
A mischievous youngster who lives
at the West End was mildly reproved
by maiden aunt for sliding down the
banisters. II don't think mother
likes to have you do so. Johnny" she
said. The future statesman, engrossed
y T.