Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1884-04-05

One ~ the justices II the mptcmc couri
heard a case IN chambers the other day, not
down ~ the calendar, but which " Il interest
to The public, because Il may be cited hereafter
a. precedent In similar cnscs The culputs
anaigned before his honor the Justice
were two little boys aged about siS and eight.
Their ofcnsc was applying opprobtious
cpilhets TO . respectable young man, whose
real name IS Ijrowjones, hut who, being blessed
10y nature with the most namboysnl pow
imaginable with mouIaehc To match aud
whTkcs rather more 80, Is playlully spoken II
by his admirers In ways more Familiarity
apprccaiivc than eompcllingly respectful,
Now, Mr.. Browjoncs " not only the most
modest u his sex, hut is also the mos, pain.
fully sensitive Judge " his surprise then,
while passing Nuuanu. Avenue cottage the
other day, 10 heat iai but good looking small
boy csclaim There goc, Mr.. Sunset -
Before Mt BfowjoncS could conceal the broad
blush than began TO overcast his pale face
like an Automatic sewing machine goring
RULED tuck bias with bos. kilt plating SHRED
claim mo. Albert, that's not the gentle.
mans name. papa calls him Mr.. Aherglow. -
Nit Browjoncs considered himself justified In
extreme measures. Hiring one Of Sulliyans
lightningcst expresses, he drove to the resi-
dcnce Of the lads, and was 10 fortunate as to
find both in the front yard. Beguilng them
with promises Of the circus which he va,
afterwards panied to learn had gone to Maui
he drove rapidly to the government house and
was soon in the Office Of MI Justice ------.
attentive and becoming gravity The culpriis
plead guilty and threw themselves on the
mercy Of the court, who decided rs follows
81 Small boys, your oifensc is not exactly
against The peace and dignity Of the kingdom
and in violation Of the law by statute made
and provided, because there happens to be no
statute covering the exact character Of your
oficnsc But | am convinced there should he
such = statute, and the Learned counsel who
ought to be defending you would remember.
were he here, that, in the somcwha, celebrated
case Of Whiilerce vs.. Snaiile, II Michgandcr,
PIP. 99o, Bombastes Buncomc. l. r., re.
marks When it is clearly proven that the
capillary pigmcn, has been osydizcd by the
direct action Of the sun in early youth and IT
Is clear that no artificial means have been EN-.
ployed to become blonde in violation Of
natural laws, it is indecent, nosious and
opposed TO sound precedent, as well as in VIC.
laiion Of rights at common law, TO permit
such epithets as brick top" "sofrel poll,
car.ri.o,s," raspberry blonde and the
like, TO he Unfortunately applied, particu.
larry when such language seems likely to lead
10 breach Of the peace. The language Of
his honor of the Michigan bench seems con.
elusive and as their is no resistance on The
part Of the prisoners, sentence them to four
days hard reading Of the Hawaiian Gazette,
with the assistance Of the latest edition Of
some good lexicon say Webster. As for the
complaining witness, advise him to quit the
shades Of private life and join the staff Of the
Pacific Commercial Advertiser, where, in due
course. he may attain The hide Of a pachyderm,
the nerves Of sponge, and the INTEL igence Of
a tumble bug"
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