Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1884-06-27

"For ice-cream and Strawberries sir she said.
"lces so COOL berries SO red
''Wouldn't you like tc 20 with me ?" she sail.
what Is your fortune, my sweet, pretty maid :"
1.-TWO silver dimes and a Nickel she said
"Nckle for shrub, dunes for sweet bread
Now you must pay for the rest Of the spread
Cara Morris recently discharged her
gardner because he kissed the hired girl.
What green-eycd monster iealosy is.
The young nan who went to the picnic
with the deliberate intention of making a
mash, made one. He mashed pie.
An exchange says there is some talk of
removing the duties on seeds We don't
believe this will make much difference with
the granger who comes into town with his
hair full of hayseed.
A New Jersey editor recently opened an
ice-cream saloon. He opened it by falling
through the window while coming home
drunk
Oscar Wilde's full registered name on his
marriage certificate is Oscar Fingal 0'Flah-
erly Wilde. This will make the ahove
ancient Celtic families, which he has die-
g-aced by writing poetry, just bowling mi
An exchange says that Judge Downs has
| in his possession Daniel Webster's receipt
| for making punch. This will probably
wakcn good deal of public Indignation
against the JUL ;e, keeping it to himsel T
so long,
| An old bechelor who refuses to get mar
ricd, gives as his excuse that two is an IN
lucky nun cr. That is very easily RENE
died. His mother-in-law can come and live
with them, and everybody knows that three
is lucky number.
A dairYman called at book store the
other day aud wanted to know if he could
obtain copy of s. f. Casinos "Manual
of the Bosses of North America"
"You look as if you had been kissed by
breeze from Northland, said poetic young
la iy to pretty friend, whose checks were
glowing with color. "Oh, no :" was the
laughing reply; ut was only soft heir
from Baltimore
'Wha, should we do if your sister got to
be such an old maid that her matrimonial
credit was all gone, and we couldn't get any.
body to take her ?" asked Mr. Dumpsey of
Johnnie Johnnie who has been reading up
a financial affairs; Appoint receiver,
pa
fnl m | fol- thrnnuh a bot oh
hurt me awfully!' sobbcd little Burlington
boy, as he came hmpiug into the house.
"Why, there isn't any hatchway on the
premises that you could fall through re-
piled his mother Eyes, there is, ma.
fell through the manger where pa SC, the
black hen."
"Whosoever by means of red or white
paint, perfumes, essences, artificial teeth,
false hair, cotton, wool, iron corscts, hoops.
shoes with high heels, or false hips, shall
seek to enticc into the bonds of marriage any
male subject of his Majesty, shall be prose
cu,ed for witchcraft, and declared incapable
of matrimony Parliamentary Decree, l77O. |
Oh for the good old times.
A New York paper works in "A lot of
patent medicine advertisements in the col |
umn headed DEATHS" The paper neither
meant ike, nor has it perpetrated one,
The Republican party expects to open the
White House with Jimmie. boston
TRANSCRIPT.
Abusing man through II telephone is
about as unsatisfactory performance as
making love to n pAin-looklng girl in The
public parlor in the presence of the family. -
". Y. Commercial Adrerttser.
Solemn questions with city people about
to 90 to the country: What shall we do
with the bird or Cat?" One good way is 10
let the cat have the bird and then kill the
York Graphfc,
A Connecticut man few day ago was
compelled by three roughs to drink cider
until he became lnsensi6e. great many
of his townsmen are hoping to be similarly
abused Boston Post.
Paticnt-Doctor, want you to prescribe
for me. Doctor (afler feeling of her pulse)-
There is nothing the matter, madame. All
YOU need is rest Patent-Now, aren't you
mistaken, doctor Please study my case
carefully. Just look at my tongue. Doctor
That needs rest, too. --Ne,o York LIFE,
Learning to ride bicycle is good deal
like getting married. Even after you have
accomplished il you are liable at any moment
to get hurt 49, brakes 7rdUellerS' HagdyiHe.
If YOU think you uIe prodigy of ortho-
graphic potentially 30 into a Chinese lxAn
dry and learn humility Of "On Hang" who
spells two shirts, an undershrt and three
pairs of socks with a n wrong side up, AMI
81 the rest of your washing with half
button hook and two or three fragments OF
a shattered lizard. -ET