davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
NOVEMBER NONSENSE.

- Past and present: Fraulein Bertha-"I say,
what handsome fellow Lieut.. Won Hoheim used to
bel" Fraulein Lina-"And isn't lie now?" Frau
lein Bertha-"Ah, but you know he has been en-
gagged for the last three weeksl "-SchVsizer Zeit-
ung.
- An old farmer, residing near a small village in
the upper ward of Lanarkshire rose up one morn
ing to find his potatoes destroyed by frost which
had prevailed during the night. He was, however,
rather surprised find the neighbor farmer crops
on the other side of Douglas Water, nothing the
worse of the frost. This was more than the old
man could bear so he was heard to repeat the fol-
lowing pious ejaculation: "Oh, Lord, what parti-
ality; couldna haze done that to my worst enemy"
Scotch anecdotes.
- Said an Episcopal bishop not thousand miles
from New York TO a rector in his diocese: " How
are you coming out in your parish?" And the
rector, who had once been a speculator in cotton,
replied: :" am long slippers and bookmarks,
but rather short on suspenders."
An undertaken came into the house looking
despondent, and presently tears welled into his
eyes. What is the matter?" asked bis wife;
something gone wrong at the onice?'' e" Tou
know that DE- b has been sick for a day or two?"
" VS. He died p.:5 morning "-Tultaton Gazette.
When little Willie L. first heard the braying
of a muic in the South he was greatly frightened,
but af.sr thinking a minute he smiled at his fear,
saying: Mamma, just hear that poor horse wiv
the whooping cough. Bazaar
"A fair maiden of Keokuk, Iowa, having been
Tilted by the head waiter of hotel, went to shoot
him, whereupon, in the most ungallant manner
possible he knocked her down with skllfully
aimed plate. lie was gay dshheaver.
Wanted: Pin feathers from tho man who WAS
made game of-LUs
-Selfsacrifice Popkins later his return to town.
-"What did think of the Rhine scenery? Why,
my wife and the girls kept me at the guide-book
continually never . bit of it iti''-Funny
Folks.
A favorite style: Well my daughter, your
mother and have been consulting recently about
the windows for our new house. What kind would
you like in the parlor3" Oh, thank you. papa,
for seeking ray advice. should prefer beau win
dows by ali means. .'-BoSton Budget.
Soothing: At q hardresser's Nervous
toner" Is that your dogP" Hairdresser-"Ye Yes
He toff
to your movements" Hairdresser-" Yes, sir, on
the lookout. sir. When does make a slip and a
bit of gents ear happens TO fall off, that's his
perauisitcs london Pinch.
- Freshness: Adoiphus-" Here, waiter asked
for fresh milk. Take this stuff away" Waiter
THAT milk, SIR Is not more than two days old,
can assure you, sir" Adophus-"And you call
that fresh?" Frank tAdolphils's frend)-" That's
nothing. Dolly. Only two days you know and
here you are twenty odd years old, and should
like to ti,e c;,;if k;iave who would presu-e
doubt your freshness. ."-Boston TrGnssstp!.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
cit Hss Made Nex San OF Him."

So writes thc wife of Rev. DIR. Staples, of
New a.:::.iiI,ln, Conn., in a communication TO the
-;fcthOdist Protestant, Baltimore, Nd Mrs Staples
says:
Ny husband has for the last year and half
been afflicted with that troublesome disease
Malaria, attended also with Catarrh which was
rapidly growing upon him. He was so feeble
at the session Of our last Conference that he
thought week or two previous he would not
be able 10 attend. He commenced inhaling
Compound Oxygen, and put himselffully under
the Treatment, at lay earnest request, the week
before Conference and ii is astonishing to see
sts Uitciiziag effects. 1t was almost Immediately
manifest in an increase OF appetite which had
been scarce sufficient 10 sustain him. He is
gradually Increasing IN strength and vitality In
fact At hes made icD of him"
Our Treatise oa Compound 01ygen," contain
ing a history of the discovery and mode of
action of this remarkable curative agent and
large record Of surprising cures in Consump-
ton, Catarrh Neuralgia, Bronchitis, Asthma,
etc, and wide range of chronic diseases, will
be seat free. Address DRs STARKEY g. PALEN,
ll0s snd I'LL Girard ST.. Philadelphia.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
A Munchausen Rat Story.


A large number of rats established them
selves in hayioft, about midway between the
floor and the top of the hay. The owner of
the premises, hearing a continuous squealing
noise in the loft. took a fork and removed the
hay from the place whence the noise proceeded
and uncovered nest OF about 20 rats Several
Of them ran and were caught by the dog, but
bundle Of is full-grown animals remained on
the spot. There tails were plated together
something after the fashion of whipcord
BY picking up one of them the rest adhered
and could not be shaken apart 1t was sup
posed by persons who saw them that in order
to avoid the cold the rat occupying the top of
the pile sought warmer place by creeping
underneath. but not having room to draw his
tail after hin it was left sticking ont. The
next rat did the same. and so on, until all had
changed their position, and every individual
rats tail was entwined into the curious knot
that held them together II they had not been
discovered and killed, they must have starved,
as they could not have separated.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06

TO ask il we might occupy one room of the
house shert time. My request being met with
a prompt roiUSal, / asked Col. Logan to take
posSeSS;on Of one end Of the house. which he
at once did. We then carried the General in
aud laid him upon bed which was there, and
after posting gu3rd at the door 1 told Gen.
Ransom that he would live but a few hours
at mast aud that If there was. anything he
wished to do in view Of the fact it would be
wise TO attend TO it at once. He expressed
surprise at my information, hut calling one Of
his aids TO the bedside dictated what seemed
TO me quite a long viii. lie then thanked those
around him for their esorts in taking care CT
him, bidding each an affectionate farewell
Just at this time Gen. CariiD came to the door,
and the guard in view Of his rank, admitted
him. He stepped to the bedside and, evil
IDENTIFY much surprised and shocked at sight Of
the dying Inan, said: Gen. Ransom" Gen.
Rams answered, calling him by name and
taking his hand in his. Gen. Carlin then said:
:" DO not know where have met you before; J"
TO which Gen. Ransom replied that they had
never met but once before, and then on the
railroad at q small town in southern Missouri,
which he named. Gen. Carlin then retired
and noticed that the pupil of Gen. Ransom's
left eye was completely dilated. l wondered
that he should know anybody in that condi-
tion.l Directly after CaTlIn left he turned to
the members OF his staff. who were standing on
his right. and said: Gentlemen, you know
am not afraid to die. You have seen me face
death on the battlefield, and yet l must say to
you that have very great curiosity to know
what is Just before me now" These were his
last words. uttered not more than a minute
before he ceased to breathe.
So passed away one who, though young, had
achieved an honorable position and was held
IN high esteem both by those under whom he
served and those he commanded. have never
seen his grave: / do not know where it is,
but wherever it may be there rest the ashes of
hero. No brayor. more loyal, more gallant
heart ever beat under the Union blue than
throbbed in the breast of Gen. L. E. G. Ransom.
To know him was 10 know gentleman,
patriot, soldier; 10 receive his approval was
an honor 10 be proud of through life; to
revere and peTpctuate the memory of such
as he is most sacred obligation.
Comrade, farewell! May your silent rest be
sweet. May the passing years, while they
bury in the grave of utter forgetfulness any
faults or frailties you may have had bear up
the record of the noble life you thus early
gave as sacrifice to your country until in the
eyes of all beholders it shall glow like the
morning star that heralds the day-daWn of
freedom.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
He Was " Called"
fWHlI Street Neypal

We shan't give the name of the railway
away, but it got its last and present president
in a rather curious manner. The road had been
skipping dividends and falling into debt, and
the outlook was anything but cheerful When
there was a meeting of the board of directors,
there was a great deal of growing and COM
planning. and the president finally said:
Gentlemen, Plr tell you plainly what this
road needs. Pll resign, and do you tender the
presidency to some id fool with big pri-
vate fortune back of him. He'll be almost Ger
tain to declare dividend and pay it out of his
own pocket"
The board acted on the suggestion straight
himself with:
~- ''Yes, sir-yes. sir; always had a leaning
to the railroad business, but how on earth the
board came to discover it is what puzzles me !n
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
FOR THE LADIES.

There are more than 100000 women and girls
who make q living on the streets OF Paris as Ii
under 1s Il O0O under 15 and 5000 of them little
girls under IL years of age. They are allowed to
grow up pagans, with religious moral in
struction.
1t is an unmarried lady of Boston who pro-
iettes.' ''''s'' ''>''~' '~''''o' 80 >''' ''
present time. must be at least twoszes larger
than the dimensions of the hand.
Society in Baltimore is all torn up by the ques-
tion whether a lady should recognize gentleman
while he Is having his shoes BACKED on a street
corner.
Newest "spiashers" for washstands are of
leather with grotesque figures large owls worked
chased at a fair.
The latest fashion notes: For grass widows
lawns; for elderly women, moire antique; for
Democratic bellies, anything but rep; for women
inclined to badness, mohair; for the Misses Never
ready, dealne for sailors wives, serge; for SOL
diers' wives, bombazine; for debtors wives, tick
ing; for women with profane husbands, kersey ;
for careless servants, crash; for Mrs Sitting Bull
whoop-skirts
The women of FIJI are but little better than the
beasts of burden, having to do actual field work,
to carry heavy loads to fish, and besides to attend
to all the domestic arrangements deyoiving upon
their in other countries.
Vermont has two women acting as mail-car
riers.
Mary Anderson is said by an English critic to
lack repose. Her profession naturally keeps her
up late.
lie n2SS Deen cut neauS OF SeVcral
young girls promenading on Ridge Avenue, Phila-
delphia, the work being done deity that the
victims did not know of their loss until reaching
home.
Before offering to ring the street car bell for
lady about getting OFF, look closely at her right
hand. If she wears diamond ring and you pull
the strap she will be your enemy for life.
The cold snap seems to have put an end to
elopements with fathers coachman. Not that the
number of girl-idiOts is any less but even coach
man knows that overeoats. Arctics, mittens and
bean soup cost money.
Mrs. Henry Wood never received penny from
any for the right of dramatiZing her romsnces,
although has been calculated that small royalty
all the plays founded on - East Lynne =" would
have brought her no less sum than S5O0.OOO
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
Social Science in France.

A tax is proposed on bachelors in the next
French budget The preamble reads: Con
sidcring the growing decrease in the popua-
ton in France, il has become necessary to
impose taz on all single persons over -
years of age Of the male sex" Some of the
causes Of this decrease are that no Frenchman
under 25 can marry without the consent Of his
parents. This consent is invariably withheld
if the girl is poriionless. On the other hand,
if the girl be we'll provided for, her kinsfolk
will not only not let her marry unless the
mans marriage portion be in proportion 20 hers,
but they will ciiectually prevent all possibility
of her making the acquaintance Of poor man
In France an invitation to private dinner or
ball is generally preceded by an inquiry into
the financial position Of the recipient of such
an invitation, which, for thoroughncss, will
best anything and everything detectives in
London or Paris could accomplish.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
ONE SMALL WOMAN DID IT.
And Still Some People ClamOr for "Woman's
Rights"
Ne30 York HerdId.I

Nea0 York Herald
It was o'clock in the afternoon. Three
lines of cars, half dozen stages, II cabs and
800 shoppers were struggling for the right of
way at the corner OF Fourteenth street and
University Place. And on the sidewalk was a
lone. delicate woman wildly waving her
parasol.
red Broadway car came bowling down. 1t
was behind time, and the driver sternly ignored
the Establishments of the parasol.
"Hii" cried a young man with tight trousers
and spring mustache.
stop there driver!" beloved a citizen with
bald head, but with appreciation of beauty
in distress.
A towering Broadway policeman also took in
the situation. he SAID nothing He only
placed himself in the track of the advancing car,
and raised his hand maesticslly.
Instantly the busting scene changed. The
five drivers of five ears screwed down brakes so
suddenly SIS to send their passengers tumb.ing
in a heap. Twelve cabmen threw their horses
On their hanches Eleven trucks drew up in
the inter spaces. A thousand shoppers waited
to cross. The busy traffic stopped before one
serene policeman with his hand majestieally
raised. Only the stages dashed madly by.
Meanwhile the lone. helpless woman tripped
daintily toward the car, distributing smiles
Of thanks right and left, while carmen, aud
truckmen and cabmen swore. She laid small
gloved hand on the railing The conductor
stood with his hand on the bell-strap, and 800
persons waited for the ting which would set
them in motion again.
Docs this car go to Barclay street," she
asked timidly
The conductor gave the strap a mighty jerk.
"Noi" he rOared, with violent gesticulatiens,
as the car shot down University Place The
penned-up tide of travel surged forward with
an overwhelming rush. The feeble woman
stood where the car had left her.
% Then it's the next car | take?" she asked
hesitatingly. She only got looks of reproach in
reply. Then she gazed around as ii surprised
at the sudden chill which had fallen ON her
admirers, changed her mind about going down
town, and started to do some more shopping be-
fore she went
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
Good Presbyterian Weather.

Looks as if we might have some more rain
tonight" remarked Rev. Mr.. Woods, of the
First Baptist Church, yesterday afternoon.
That will be good Baptist weather." was the
response.
NO" said the dominic, that will be Pres
byterian weather."
"How's that? / thought the Baptists were
the cold water people-theolos sical Prohibition
ists as it were."
"That's true. The Baptists believe in water"
"Then why isn't shower good Baptist
weather."
Because it is sprinkle. Presbyterians be-
ieve in sprinking; Baptists ip immersion !"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
A Han, q Gun, q Woman, and Mouse.
(HaWaiidn Gazette. ]

The other day lady living on Beretania
street discovered in the course of her domestic
duties a mouse in the family -four barrel. She
Immediately summoned the man servant, and
told him to get the gun. call the dog, and sta
tion himself in position near to the scene of
onslaught. Getting up on high chair she
commenced punching the -four barrel with
pole The poor mouse soon made its appearance
and started across the floor, the dog immedi-
ately in pursuit. In the excitement, the man
fred the gun. killing the dog, and the lady
tainted and fell off the chair. The man, think
ing that she was dead and fearing arrest for
murder, cleared out and has not been heard of
since. Needless to say, the mouse escaped.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
CHAPTER III.

The next morning Charles rose at nine and
came down to the coffee room to have his cup
of coffee and roll. His friend was not there,
but at that he was scarcely surprised, for they
had sat up late the previous night
half hope he won't take this mad journey
after all, said Charles to himself; /" he was all
right last night after we came in-quite his old
self again"
However, Ernest did not come down, and
Charles finished his breakfast alone. Just as
he had finished a waiter brought him note.
1t was from Ernest,
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
At an Evening Party.

Young Englishman-I notice that many of
the families in New York have crests upon
their carriages. hardly expected to find such
custom in democratic America, you know.
New York Young Woman-Oh, nv, yes
Every body who pretends to be a-ypody has a
family crest. We have --...on q lovely one on
our carriage
Vvnne Englishman-Indeedf And what does
it signify?
New York Young Woman-H'm-let me see
(bending toward mamma)-oh, mamma, what
is it that our family crest signifes2
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
A Lying Crowd.
ITerna iSifffnns

"Where were you when the first shot was
fred?" asked an Austin lawyer of a female wit
ness in shooting scrape.
II was lying down on the sofa."
"And where was your husband?"
He was lying down on the back gallery"
"And where were your children?"
"They were all lying ON the bed fast asleep"
"Any other member of your family lying
DOWN."
Not that know Of; but if my brother had
been there he would have been lying down in
the court t-house. He is lawyer, like YOU"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
THE CRAZY QUILT.

II. Il II fyItI'tDFtJ
Oh, Say, can you see by the dawn's early light
What you failed TO perceive by the twilights last
cleaning;
A cranky concern that through the long night
Ger tBc bed where you slept was SO sauciIy
streaming?
The silk patches so fair,
Round, three-cornered and square,
Give proof that the lunatc bed-qGiit Is there.
Oh, the crazy-quilt mania mphantIy raves
And the maid, wife and widow bound p ilh
EuVcs
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
C0uSumYtiOn.

Notwithstanding the great number who
yearly succumb to this terrible and fatal dis
ease, which is daily winding its fatal coils
around thousands who are unconscious of its
deadly presence, DIR. Pierces Golden Medical
Discovery will cleanse and purify the blood
of scrolnous Impurities and cure tubezoular
consumption (which is only scrofsiors disease
OF the iungs). Send three fetter stamps aud
get Dr. Pierce's coul1;cce treatise on consump-
lion and kiHarcd affections, with numerous
testi,pSr-aIs of cures. Address. Worlds Dis
xen5ary Medical Association, Buffalo, n. Y.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
=r.rnatea rcnnesta hara i,

--"sf7V-VVu
rreprietors of Lydis E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound to send by mail to various lady cor
respondents large mounted portraits of Mrs.
Pinkham; and now many a household wall is
adorned by the familiar, motherly face of the
Massachusetts, woman who has done so much
for all Womcn
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
Good Advice.
IToconfn GIohal

Of Lord Alvanley, who died in 1857, Lord
Malmesbury tells the following anecdote: On
one occasion friend of his came for his advice
under the following circumstances: Mr.. -
has threatened to kick me whenever he sees me
in society. What am l to do if he comes into
the room?" "Sit down." replied Lord Alvan-
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1884-11-06
The Pride or Ancestry.

"You Americans" said an Engishman to s
young lady, have no ancestry to which you
can point with pride"
THAT is very true" she assented. Most of
our ancestors came from England, you know"
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-10-10
OUR BLANKETS.

mainly purchased at Trade
have small
aIC mortabe
we
N Be Sppads,C
Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1884-10-10
INC Way Blaine was Useful,

Blaine has constantly given out the i'm
preston that he rendered the Fort Smith
and Little Rock Railroad enterprise,
which is the basis Of the Mulligan letters,
no aid except 70 make a ruling which was
favorable to the road when the bill, saw
Ing the land grant Of the road from for
fixture. was before the House. He has
also always asserted that the ruling
which he made was the only one that he
could have Iegitimately made. It seems,
however, that the bottom facts relative TO
the legislation il connection with that
enterprise have only lately been made pub
lie.
The real service which Blaine rendered
the road was rendered after he became
the owner OF bonds Of the road, and not
before he had any interest in it, as has
been asserted. There was a pr0visO in
the bill which required the company 10
sell its lands TO actual settlers at
81 80 per acre. With this prOvisO,
the lands could not be mOrtgaged
for anything like the amount that was
needed TO carry on the enterprise. a bill
was. therefore. introduced TO repeal this
prOviso. The Congressional history Of
this bill is given in the New York EUen-
ing Post as follows;
The bill which thus involved the fnan-
cial life OF the project came up IN the
House Of Representatives on March 4.
1870, Mr.. Speaker Blaine in the chair.
The yigilaut Holman. Of Indiana, opposed
the measure with such success that on
It's fnal passage, on a count by tellers,
the bill was defeated-yeas, .; nays, -.
Here was crisis, indeed. II the vote
stood. the $4,000 land-grant bonds, to
yether with the other commission profits
which the Speaker expected TO secure by
ing September. were all threatened with
absolute extinction.
The only human being on
the floors Of Congress who had a
dollar Of pecuniary interest in the
defeated bill, or any personal motive 10
save il. was the presiding officer Of the
House. whose SI62.j00 Of bonds as well as
cash profits would be destroyed If the
House should remain Of that mind. Now,
indeed. he could see ga channel in which
he could make himself useful" The rec
ord is silent as to whether any pages were
sent out for the purpose Of making con-
veTts. or whether some other method was
employed. but certain il is that by some
influence as potent as it was mysterious
the House presently reversed its previous
action, and by a vote Of 139 yeas TO 3s nays
passed the bill. which became law
March 20. 1870, and thus saved the speak
er's expected and agreed profits, as well
as '.rectifed a previous mistake In leglsla-
rfon -