The daily Cairo bulletin., 1884-09-27
About Making Puns

New Orleans explains itself:
Mr.. GEO. w. PEcK-Sir: AS you are a
professional hum0rist, would like TO hear
your opinion of pun. hate 10 admit u,
but must ! am punStef. fell INTO the
| habitFNo years ago, and since then l nave
not had moments peace. III attend
sociable, return home bearing win me
TIE hate OF every one VINO was present;
| Miss So and So, will tell the company about
something or other and like blamed fool
that am, make Il pun of ii, Is there Il
remedy? Respectfully.
JULIUS SWAN.
=. S.-As you will observe, refrain from
| inAictng any Punishment upon you.
j. S.
The young man has done right in
asking advice as to how he can cure
himself of the terrible habit. He has
made an advance in the way of cure,
as he has admitted that he is 'blam-
ed fool, something his friends have, no
doubt, discovered long ago. Being in
the drug business, he can easily cure
himself, Whenever he finds he has
given expression to pun, he should
take piece of asafGtida about as big
as hickory nut and chew it. He will
not feel like making another pun rs
long as the taste remains in his mouth.
He should carry some of the drug in
his vest pocket when he goes out in
company, and keep a piece in his
mouth constantly. 1t may be Often
sive to the company, but it will not be
half so offensive as his old back num-
Der, teeth-worn puns, and he will be-
come favorite. If this course will
not cure him he had better 90 and
drown himself. There is no such
thing as new pun, as every word that
is susceptible of pun has been pun
ned upon for thousands of years, SO
when YOU hear person make pun
you may be sure that it is thousand
years old. Ii man or woman, when
making a pun on a word, realized that
the Egyptian mummy in the museum,
when alive, had made the same pun,
ana laughed at it boisterously, he
would be ashamed of his own attempt.
The English language is good enough
if you take it straight, and it is foolish
to torture it. The man who makes
puns habitually is usually weak man
who imagines he is smart, as you can
see by watching him as he laughs at
his own smartness. As good way as
any to squelch a punster is to listen to
his pun, look thoughtfully and say,
"B. c." or Credit it to Adam"
Young men who get in the habit of
making puns on all occasions lose their
positions, girls go back on them, and
they 60 through life alone, except in
rare instances. A girl hates to face
the prospect of q lifetime of poor puns,
and they will think twice before mar
rying punster, rs he is liable to
practice his puns on his wife.
There ought to be an asylum for
punsters, where they can 90 and
be cured, or kill each other with
puns. There is nothing that throws
damper on the enjoyment of
party like the presence of punster,
who puns and looks around for smile
of appreciation, and not getting it
smiles himself. At picnic they have
habit of throwing punster up in a
blanket, or passing the pickles TO him
frequently, or sitting him on an ants
nest, or making him climb tree to put
up swing, anything to keep him busy
SO he will forget his terrible habit.
Punsters are tolerated because they
are weak, but the looks of pity and con-
tempt they receive ought to show them
how foolish they are There is moth
ing original or funny in any pun that
has been sprung upon any party in the
past thousand years, and the sooner
punsters find it out the better. Some
papers make specially of puns, mis-
taking them for humor. If editors
could see the contempt in which people
pass over the columns of puns it would
wake them up. There is some excuse
for foolish fellow to make puns, be-
cause he has never been told that he is
weak, but for an editor TO rack his brain
to build fool puns for the people to
read, is awful. A pun spoken soon
goes away with the atmosphere and is
lost, but pun printed in newspaper
is on record, q constant source of an
noyance to the reader, and q sorrow to
the writer of it, after he once gets
sense and realizes how weak he was
when he was a punster. Young men
should strive to make themselves in
teresting in conversation, but the pun
is the last thing they should practice,
as 1t makes people sick. A druggist
in western Wisconsin had great habit
OF making puns few years ago, and
no customer was safe to 90 to the store
to buy anything They all got a pun
with their medicine, and sometimes the
pun was worse than the drugs to take.
One night man named Otto Padman
was stabbed in the breast, and was
taken into the drug store to be sewed
up. While the doctor was at work on
the man the druggist came up and af-
ter looking as the wound he said:
"You Otto had liver Padman." The
wounded and dying man heard it, and
it was too much. He could stand the
stab with cold steel, but to be stabbed
with apun was too much. and he haul
ed back one foot and kicked the drug
gist on the nose. The druggist has
never made q pun since, and we don't
know but kick in the nose is about as
good cure as any.-Pech'S San.
One who will recognize me when |
am compelled to wear patched breoch-