The Red Cloud chief., 1884-08-08

Dr7t Tor fTcsidenC DC rcniarkt.
.'wuz for n Androo, Androo JaNon. and
the last Dimokratic President We he'd WIZ
another Androo. Androo Jonson. This
man. Cleveland. his name must 10 An
droo."
And so IL went into the rcsolooshens
..Androo Cleveland
l diskivcred adifhkiliy the mint ] red
the platform D.ekin Pogram Is. and
slluz hek bin. a violent free-trader. whils
Issaker Gavitt j.. aud hez bin. 3 violent
perteckshunist, ever scnce he srkoored
"A interest in a rollin mill witch sum
Eastern capitalists establish on his
fathers farm. | supposed. however.
that | he'd EN- both fixed. l red il to
EN- separately, and consirood u Is.aker
that nothing Good be more perteck-
shan. and Ia the good old Dek n that IL
wuz ez wildly free trade ez even he Good
desire.
The platform wuz red by myself and
We proposed another resolooshen APP
provin that. Then trubble en,ood.
Deekin Pogram, witch is n violent
free trader. riz 10 remark that be Good
vote for that platform with his whole
hart and sole. He he'd bin n free trader
all his life. and he never knowd n Dim
ekratic Conyenshun Ia plant itscl: so
clcerly and explicitly on the side NV
free trade sence he he'd bin IN pollytiN.
lssaker Gavitt riz Ia say he Good vote
for the tariff plank with all his hart.
becoz that plank showd that the Dimoc-
risy he'd finely got right on the tariff
question, the plank. ez he red IL, being
for the proteckshun nv Amcrikun in
dustry. II wuz encuridgin to them,
witch believed in progress and SIGH. To
hev the Dimocrisy NV the Nashen rise
onto this most important pint
ado 700 pertend To say tina, the
Dimocratic platform fasors perteck-
shun?" shreeked the Deekin. .'Ez it
WIZ red to me. it IL for free trade. pure
aud simple"
..Yoo old ass. can't WOO understand
plane English? IF il isn't n square
toed p~roteckshun dockyment | can't
spell. 700 are a fool and alluk wuz."
.Jist then the Deekin. in the intrcst
NV harmony, announst his intenshun Nv
whalin lssaker and proreedid To do il.
and ez the old man alluz did hev
muscle Their wuZ the prospeX NV q live
ly row. He jumped across the seets to
the Secrctary's desk and he'd Issaker
BY the throte, and IsSakcr he'd him by
the hair wher it is the shortest. and
they wuz a rollin on he floor in less'n
no time.
In the meantime Bascom aud Kernel
MPelter he'd got into n tuZzle eZ 10
what the platform meant on the money
question. and the rest Nv the citizens
got into n squabble ez TO whether Cleye-
land wuz n Dimekrat at all or not,
becoz Tammany opposed him, and the
upshot NV the biznis wuz Their WIZ n
row witch incloodid every Dimekrat
present except me. and we broke up
without passin IN resolooshens or rati-
fvin the nominashen at all.
Deekin Pogram and l retired TO the
back room NV Bascom's. and while the
old Saint wuz q w.shin the blood orr
his face. we he'd a conversashen over
the PLATFORM"
'.Parson," sed the old man. .'what is
the reel meenin Nv the PLATFORM
Anything 700 like wuz my reply,
'.anything VOC like. Remember it's 3
Dimocrstik platform. and a Dimocratik
platform must be comprehensive
..Does it meen free trade or pertek.
shun?"
Either or both. or neither"
'.Parson, wunst on n time NJ ckes
trian attempted the perilus feet Nv ridin
two HOSES. witch wuz agoin in different
direckshuns. 1t RESULTED in a totle fail.
yoor. and he WIZ split in two, and hi;
blood drenched the arena"
'.Deekin. i recognize the parable.
But YOU must remember we amt ridin
two HOSES, list now. We bev only
promised 10 ride EN-. We hev not vi
got into the saddle. We hey promisec
to ride the p~ertekshun hoss and like
wise the free trade hoss. but we don,
hey to cit onto EN- till after the Noyem
/ Der elekshun. The pos: oiiises and Gus
| tom houses are then seKoored. and aftel
that We kin ride either boss, or neither
ez we see ut. The name pint i TO ri
the ollises. After that we viii take on
chances with the people. We git foui
yeers' lease Nv power. anyhow. ID
YOU sep
..Principle'" sed the Deekin. inquir
! ingly.
".Hy principle, nv deer old friend
is TO hev the Post Ofis AZ the Corners
Yoors shood be tn CIT yoorself warm II
the Collector 8 otis. See?
The i)eekin did see. and within nv
miniis be wuz moppin the blood from
his face on the streets, and hoorayii
for Cleveland and the platform
similer conversation with ISsaker Gayit
perdoost similer results and at elevei
at mite they wuz both sIeepin the sleel
Nv a gallon Nv whiskey on the floor =
Bascom's.
..Dimekratic harmony remarkt Bas
com. smilinly. 10 wich | assented
1 can't understand why rioters don
understand Dimocraiic Convenshun
better. Wat do l keer for platform
anyhow? like this platform espeshiy
for it r. 50 construct d that WsstersoE
NV Looisvilie. WITCH Is Free Trade. An
Randall, of Peansylvany, wich IS Hig
Persective Tariff. kin both stand On :
smbracin eech Other IN harmony