Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1884-05-12

yers do if they can get up a suit about the
will.
''But," said the serenaded man, II must
go out and make a speech. Something
must be done to stop the playing of that
band"
Society is composed Of two great class
es-those who have more appetite than
dinner, and those who have more dinner
than appetite.
Il suppose it just means that he hired
'em out" was the reply of small Sunday
school child when asked what was meant
by the expression, ''And the king rent his
clothes"
The raising of sugar-beets in Denmark
promises to become an important indus
| try. But in the raising of dead beats the
United States still stands at the head of
the class.
An Irishman put up the following no.
| tice: "Whoeyer is caught trespassing on
these grounds will be given forty lashes
on the bare back Half the penalty to the
| informer.'
There are no nice little stories about
the return of the ''prodigal daughter -
The son can return, and have the finest
veal served up for him, but the daughter
must stay away.
At a fair in a Connecticut hamlet the
people are voting a silk hat to the wick
edeSt man in town. A number of promi-
nent citizens have taken lodgings outside
the town limits.
A certain pOetesS is said to ''make good
jellies as well as good poetry" 1t is sug-
gested that she also make new depart
ure-send her jellies to newspaper offices
and can her poems.
SD like to have you give me Il good
send off, said a man to the editor the
other day. "Well, as soon as my boots
come back from the cobbler's I'll do it,
was the effective reply.
''Were you ever caught in sudden
squall?' asked an old yachtsman of g
worthy citizen. ''Well, l guess so,' re-
sponded the good man. 81 have helped
to bring up eight babies.''
Freddie, did you go to school to-day?'
"Yes'm." ''Did you learn anything new?'
''Yes'm." ''What was it, my boy?" 81
got on to a sure way of gettin' out for al
hour by snuffin' red Ink up my nose"
At little gathering the other evening
a young man asked a lady whether, if his
small brother was lad, he was not {
ladder; and she kindly said she though
he must be, she could see through him 81
easily
A little four-year-old said to his moth
er last week: ''Mother, l believe Goo
thinks I'm dead.'' ''Why?" asked tn,
mother, somewhat astonished at the re
mark '"Cause 1 haven't said my pray
ers for a week.
Shutting the battle: The speaker wht
alluding to his candidate as the ''way
horse that snuffed the battle from afar,
climbed up to the composition room witt
Il club after reading it in the paper as 18th
ward boss that snatched the bottle iron
the bar"
When young man tries for three min
utes in church to brush q sunbeam off hi
coat, under the impression that it is
streak of dust, and then looks up an
sees pretty girl laughing at him, he kin
of loses the thread of sermon, temporari
ly, as it were.
racy story is told of an old lady VIII
refused to be comforted by her pastor
assurance that when he left she woul
have better pastor as his successor
''Na, nal' she said, ''I have seen fou1
teen changes in the ministers since I Al
tended the kirk, and every one has bee
waur than anither''
At a school examination a clergyma
was descanting on the necessity of grow
ing up loyal and useful citizens In ordt
to give emphasis to the remarks he pom
ed to large flag hanging on one side of IL
school-room and said :-s'Boys what
that flag for?" An urchin who understoc
the condition ofthe room better than Il
speakers rhetoric, exclaimed ITO biC
the dirt sir