The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-12-11
IiUMOR.

WHEN boy Of Is runs away with a
Girl OF the same age the proceedings
may be called verdant slope.
In this country the home rule is
usually the housewife, while Mt school it
is the ferrule.-Carl Pretzet's Weekly.
RoxING-MArcHEs are becoming more
frequent, and the cry of the lovers OF
pugilism is: "Dinna ye hear the slug
gin'?'
THERE is not single lawyer among
the / 900 copvicts in the Virginia Peni-
Tertiary. Virginia lawyers seldom get
found out.
INSTEAD of saluting your silvery-
haired friend as AN old dog" why not
address him "a greyhound ?'-Cdr!
Pre:zePS Heekly.
SAID q servant, presenting herself to
q London housekeeper, I'm hagnos-
tic, if you please, IN, but no objection
70 CHRISTIAN familyp
A LITTLE boy complained to his
mother that the teacher couldn't re-
member his name. "When she speaks
to me- he says, "she always calls me ST.
lence."
A PHILADELPHIA clergyman says the
horse-race is IAN open door to he'll. 1t
Is inferred that the reverend gentleman
bet on the wrong horse.
Herald.
do CATS thinE?" queries a writer.
Yes, they sometimes think that the
man up in the window with the night
cap ON is mighty poor shot with a
bootjack.
A FASHION item says: "A polonaise
for dinner is cut square," Every one
to his taste, of course, but we want no
polonaise for our dinner, no matter how
it is cut. We'd just as lief eat a princess
overskirt on toast.
@WHAT is more awful to contemplate"
said the lecturer, glaring about him,
"than the relentless power of the mach
strom?" And a hen-pecked looking
man in the rear of the building softly
replied, "The femalestL om."
A GREAT Irish orator and wit was
asked what an Irish friend of his, who
had just arrived IN London, could mean
by putting out his tongue. IL suppose
he's trying to catch the English az
cent" said the wit.
"FELLow-CITIZENs," said an orator,
standing on barrel amid the glare and
smoke of many torches, my position
upon this question is peculiar one.
And just then, when the barrel caved
in and let him down in the shape OF
letter V, gripped by the neck and
heels, the crowd rather thought it was.
"PA, you will have TO give my teach
er talking to-" said johnny Fizzletop,
on has return from school what has
he been doing?" "Just look at my GER
tiieate. 1t Is worse than last weeks.
BE will keep right on giving me bad
certificates unless you say something to
him about it. He needs taking down a
peg or so. "-TerGs SJtingS.
@FoR heavens sake, what are you do
ing, Mr.. Schneidervrow exclaimed
the leader of the orchestra to the second
violin; you're not keeping time at all;
count the beats, man, count the beats.
Mr.. Schneidervrow dropped his bow,
looked over the audience of deadheads
and exclaimed in despair: at vas i'm
possiblel" He had misapprehended the
leaders meaning. Boston Transcript.
Two sPoRTsMEN were on journey
on hot summers day. Have you
anything with you, John?" ayes,
bottle OF wine And what have you
got?" "a dry tongue" Good; then
well divide our provisions" Every
good, begin" John drew his bottle of
wine out of his wallet, and it's contents
were honorably divided. After this
had been done, John wiped his mouth,
and asked his fellow-traveler to bring
forth his provisions. ~" answered
the other. why, yes; your dry
tongue" II haven't got dry
tongue any MORE" was the little COM
iorting answer.
COMING UP TO THE SCRATCH.
The light of her eyes was a shining blue,
The cast OF her lips a ruby red
And this was all that he thought to do
As he placed his hand on her well-poised
head
To steal one long, transient kiss;
And he Bonded overward on his toes,
But all the remembrance OF his bliss
IL the scars of hnger-nails on his nose.
-CherUbusc0 PeoI,t0.
TOLD YOU so.
Again he 3 here,
With fiendish leer,
The follow w. ON you a doth know;
In mann 4 wise
he wfnks his eyes
And sweety says i told you So
Wen get club
And, rub-a dub,
Wen mash him with mighty blow.
Let hang him high!
lie ought TO die
The wretch who says, Il told you So"
-Nel1 York Journal
Now Sneeies at II0rses