davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08
The Wrong Leg.

s.I leaf my son Shake in der shtore
while | come down town." he began
as he halted patrolman, 'sund pooty
queek man vhalks in und looks all
aroundt und says:
".Poy, has got some badt news for
YOU
81 How vos dot?' asks Shake.
"'Vell, your fadder falls down on der
shtreet und preaks his leg, und yhas
here to get dollar to pay for hack to
bring him home.'
"fNo!'
"'Dot vhas so.
"Vheel, dot makes my poy Shake
feel like load Of hay falls on him, but
he doan' go quite crazy. He thinks it
all oafer und asks:
$50 my fadder proke his leg?'
eyes
(which leg vas it?'
"'Der left leg
scare you sure?'
"'Of course, help to carry him into
der City Hail.
''Den my poy Shake he laughs all
oafer, shust so -. und chuckles down
in his poots, like dis --; und den he
plows bolice whistle NIT all his might,
und dot schwindler runs away"
$50 Jake doubted his story, oh ~
"Of course
'WhyP'
'sVen, you look here few times"
He reached down and pulled up the left
pant leg, and the officer saw neat and
handy wooden limb.
you don't fool my poy Shake or
wooden legs, tlnd don't you forget
himr' chuckled the old man, as ht
waved his hand for street ear to take
| him aboard. Detroit Free Press.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08
An IrrecOncilable Enemy.

France is henceforth vast entrenched
camp, which can be defended in week
by one million and in q month by three
millions of men. / know that all is not
yet perfect in this immense organiza-
ton, but L also know that each day
great step in advance is made. "Well,
them it win be asked, ''what is there
to be anxious about? So much the bet
ter if you are strongly armed; nosone
will think of attacking YOU" Yes, no
doubt; but you must understand that
France (and herein lies the gravity of
the present state of things) desires, with
ardor proportioned to the growth of her
strength, to be formally set free from
the night-mare-dread Of possible in
vasion Her defensive power is only
partially reassuring, and her immense
armament is q heavy burden; there is
a fragrant contradiction between the in
stitution of universal barracks and those
republican aspirations which are be-
coming more and more democratic day
by day. The simplest solution would
be to fling ourselves at all hazards upon
Germany, to take back from her our
| former frontiers, and to disarm her.
| That being done, we, too, might lay
down our arms. This is what is called
la reUanche. Many people erroneously
| imagine that the French cherish the
idea of it, but nothing of the sort is true.
There is not within my knowledge a
single politician who dreams of such a
thing, and among the people it would
be most unpopular. This terrible game,
in which our fate as nation would be
the stake, would depend upon the haz-
ard of battle lost or won, and we will
not play it except in the last extremity.
But it remains none the less certain that
we continually confront Germany as an
irreconeiiable enemy, more on account
of the harm she could still do US than on
account of the harm she has done; and
that enemy is certainly not one to be
despised. II Germany is our bugbear
we assuredly give her illustrious chief,
the Chancellor of the Empire, many
sleepless nights. He knows right well
that the moment an enemy of his up
rises anywhere he may count two-us
and that other Unless he should re-
duce us to absolute impotence, we, al
though conquered, shall present an
eternally insuperable barrier to his ambi-
tion.-T. Cold'ai, in Fortfsightty ReUieso
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08
The Worth OF Their Money.

An amusing incident occurred last
night at the Arch Street Theater. The
doors of the theater had just been
opened when there appeared at the box
office two middle-aged men, who asked
the price of good front seats. The pc
euliarity of their attire bore striking
resemblance to the wonderful suit OF
''store Clothes" which Barney McAuley
wears in the last act of the Jerseyman.
That they were from the country was
self-evident; that they were specially
gotten up for visit to the theater
was apparent, and their demand
for two front saats exhibited a disre-
gard for expense sometimes seen in the
young man from the country who has
come to town for the purpose of making
a night of it.
''The cost will be-" began the
ticket seller.
30, blow the cost. Let's have the
cards. one of them interrupted.
Taking their tickets, they were
shown to seats on the first row in the
orchestra. The green curtain ordinari
ily used at the theater being away for
repairs the drop-curtain-an elaborate
representation of Diana and her
nymphs on the Island of Delos had
been lowered in place of it. The two
visitors gazed upon the curtain for a
few minutes and then began q discus
sion as TO its merits from their idea Of
art.
IL swan, Jabez,n said one, s'ef that
amt the pootiest picter ever seed
sits BIG thing" replied the other.
"A nice gal is the big one.'
"Yes, but look at tie one blowing the
horn for dinner
90, my,n was all his companion was
capable of saying.
Silently they inspected the curtain
for while, and then the first speaker
broke out with the remark:
Il calkilate we've had the wuth Of
our cash-let's GO"
| They arose to leave the theater. On
| their way out they came across Mr..
Samuel Ruhe, the veteran usher, to
whom they expressed the opinion that
| the painting was o great thing, but a
| trife expensive. Ruhe saw the mistake
and told them the performance had not
yet begun.
s.Dew tell!'' exclaimed one. "Hev
| you got anything to show sides that
big picterP'
More in sorrow than in anger did
Ruhe remove the veil of ignorance from
the eyes of the rural visitors. Back tc
their seats they repaired, and during
the performance of ''Le Voyage en-
Suessen they attracted the greatest at.
tention by the heartiness of their laugh
ter and the strength of their applause
AS they arose to depart one of them re
marked:
"Well, thar. That knocks cats ant
| dogs clean out o. the circus and give!
Squire Tums's yarns the push. Cam
beat that in York, I'm thinkin' IT.
this town shows the big sights, eh?"-
/ PhiIddekDAiG Bulletin.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08
Mistaken Identity.

Ptolemaius Jackson, an observing
citizen, dropped into the Star editorial
rooms yesterday and expressed himself
as follows:
don't keep an eye on fate, but fate
does me that honor, and crowds me into
dudedom at least once week. The
few fine days of last week brought that
''native from his lair" in numbers, and
the agonies I suffered by the prevalence
were unspeakable. One experience,
however, can be told.
was standing in front of a bill board
trying to decide which theater to take
in, when / heard the unmistakable:
5 s.Ah, Chawlie, me baw.
They were dudes of the equine per-
saation, cruteh and toothpick, single
glass. horseshoe scarfpin and horse
head buttons on their exaggerated New
markets ala coaeh-and-six. as
s'Hawwy medeahfel.p 2
"Chawley, aw, that was magnifi-
cent eweachtTe you were on the avenue
with yesterday" n a
| .Ah, dive think so?''i
"High-bred, too, and a splendid
steppah.' y
'.Youah wight, quite wight, Chawley,
perfectly splendid" /"
'.Trifs tendah about the mouth,
should say, ehP and worth q powah oi
money"
.s'Ya aas."
'.How old dye think, and worth how
much?'' e
about twenty, and the figure il
somewhere's near a million and ;
halt 8 81
'.The deuce you say; I didn't think
she was more than four.
F. ssWhat'r'ye tawking aboutp9 aa
..The chestnut mare you drove yes
tahday mawniDg.a
20! l thawt You alluded TO the girl
was walking with in the awfternoon.
/ NJ Y SfrY.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

Mime. Modjeska supports at her Z.
own expense school for Polish chill
dren in New York.-N. 7. Stta.
All knowledge, If timely and /,
adapted to the capacity of pupils, may :
be made IS interesting as objects and
stories. .-Joarnal Of Bd"cation.
A Dakota paper is authority for the. I.
statement that there is not @ Baptist
Church in the Black Hills country
though every other religious denomira-
ton is in some way represented. al
AT the celebration OF the twentieth
anniversary of Methodist Church in
New York, reeently--a church named
after certain Bishop james cradle
In which the Bishop was rocked to sleep
seventy-six years ago occupied corner
of the church.
The International Sunday School
Lesson Committee is composed of Drs.
John II. Vincent and John Hall, of
New York; Newton and Worden, of
Pennsylvania; Randolph, of Rhode
Island; BOUCHER. of Washington; Cum
| ningham, of Nashville; MacVicar and
Potts, of Montreal; Gillett, of Illinois;
4. Fairbanks, OF Vermont, and b.
Jacobs, OF Chicago. 80 Chicago Ts'ibtt'se. I
Rev. j. A. Register, pastor of the,
/ Central M. f. Church at Baltimore
arose in the conference recently and Il
stated, to the amazement OF the as
sembly, that he had decided to leave
/ his church and people and become a
member of the Protestant Episcopal de- 2
nomination. After being pressed to i
further consider the subject, he said his
| Iaayc;nu aUIt amid
/ solemn stiffness quilted the church, {,
Baltimore Sun.
AT recent Monday meeting of the
Presbyterian ministers Of Chicago, the
subject of church music was discussed,i,
A paper was read strongly fayoring
congregational singing, led BY chorus
choir, and the placing of the music Of
the church under the control of the !.
| spiritual officers of the church. Most Of
the pastors present favored this view. OF D
the subject The drift of sentiment was,
against the system of quartette leader
ship of the praise Of the sanctuary, li9
The London Baptist SAYS s'Sinee
1910 the Baptists in the United States
have doubled their number every ten
| years. They now number 2. 800, coo.
This is q record which should not be-,
Without its lessons for us. And is not :
one of the lessons just this--that bap4a
tisrn is the orderly Scriptursl way To I
the Lords table, and that any other
way Introduces weakness and con-
fusion? Fidelity to principle is one Of
the strong grounds of Baptist success
in this country. IT,
General Francis A. Walker .ad. /.
dressed the meeting of the Massachu-.
setts Society for the University Eduea-
ton of Women recently in Boston onf
the subject of Industrial Education in
Our Common Schools" He conceived
the use of mechanical instruction to be.
to develop perception and observation
on the part of ali the pupils. and not to-
train mechanics; that it should not
limitsbut rather enlarge the sphere of
avocations by developing an insight.
into relations and space.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

The hit of the season-poundingthe,
pepper box. Too deep water makes q
ships crew can't anchor us. = MaratBot5
Independent. eys sssg
After the hotels were full man
applied to one and said he d become q
guest of the house for a day or two.
The landlord said he guessed not
N. 0. PicaytLRae. ee lt.3
Such Is the advancement OF science
that vegetables and fruits can now be
grown without the light Of the sun,,i
honey made without bees, and butter
without cows.--N. Y. Commercial Id
UeTtiser. ttgas
i'm the town of Manchester, ". H.,
wee lass of three summers was CRYING
for an absent aunt. Her mother, knoW7
ing her fondness for figs, offered her one
If she would stop crying. She took the
fig, but, upon thinking it over, handed
it back, with the remark: I'D rather.
cry for Auntie Brown. . = Boston POSI-
The modest maiden: M s8saI l.
OIL and O! cried a 9ensiye maid,
To-day am twenty-one; 5&s
Affairs are looking gloomy now,
Something viii have to be donCg a.
I think almost could marry 5
A man of some lower rank
millionaire, or viscount,
/ Or the owner Ola bank. tAk~
sta Life. =
What is pharmaceutical associ-
ation?n asked little damsef who had
carefully spelled out the long name in
the paper, and the old gentleman,
aroused from q perusal of the stock List,
answered: Farmer cutiele associa-
ton? Some OF those fellows whosgo
around skinning the farmer, suppose.
Why don't You read something easier,
my r?''--Bostoas Commercial BpsIler
ti1a.
Daniel Webster once proved that he
was the handsomest man in New En-
gland. Boston, said he, .'is the hand
somest town IN New England, fremont
is the handsomest street in Boston,
Scollay's the handsomest building in
fremont street, Christopher Cores Of
flee is the handsomest room in Scollaylas
building, and am (now) the handsom-
| est man in Christopher Cores offfe84
ergo, am the handsomest man in New
England. - -Boston Post.
''Then you love me truly, Eivira?'
ayes, yes, my darling; truly most tEq.
Ily.n s.And in spite Of my poyertygs'
fWhat matters mere wealth when cofn.
pared to the bliss of your noble eiloVe2l'
Thanks, thanks, my beloved; yot
lhave rendered me unspeakably happy
IL would rather be your wife and live
| Ia a cottage than dwell in the palace D.
q PrincelT BLESS You, bless you, M
own---but ---'' ''But what?' ''Bu
I haven't the cottage!"
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08
A Deserved Compliment.

"One of the most wonderful institu-
tons in this country is our post-office
and mail system," remarks leading
Chicago merchant. II receive in the
course of the wear about fifteen hum
dred business letters from all over the
country, and it is veg remarkable
fact that never yet while / have been
in business has q single letter have
sent out or that has been sent TO our
house missed to reach its destination.
1t is q wonderfully successful institu-
ton, managed with the regularity and
accuracy of cloek-work, and I never
open my daily mail without feeling like
patting our old Uncle Sam on the back
with hearty bravo"
The compliment is deserved. The
postal system of this country is as neal
perfection as possible, and where there
are irregularities the fault is, in nearly
every case, with the careless senders oi
letters and papers-hardly ever with
the Governments postal officers or EN-
ployes.-C Chicago Journal.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08
VOLUME XIII.
THE DRUMMER.

A drummer stood on the corner,
Ills work in that city was done;
MA two hours left to wait for train,
And was quietly looking for fun.
maiden came out of store,
With packages larger than small;
s-ee drummer braced up to the daisy
And offered to carry them all.
srho daisy objects to such action
I'm the part of the drummer so bold,
who begs some thousands of pardons,
Ryt thought he had known her of old.
THE daisy's papa in the distance
Il seen coming swift along;
rra.ta. nv elegant drummer,
I will change your beautiful song.
a;F hang, and the gay festive drummer
Thinks he's shot with gatiing gun;
ant 'twns ouly the foot of her papa,
starting him toward the sun.
He returns quite early and sudden,
And. striking the walk with crash,
Thinks of his mother, and Heaven,
And thinks of his failure to mash.
Gone from his sight Is the daisy,
Gone from his rear is her dad;
g1t all OF the people who saw him
viii always think drummers are bad.
Burlington HdlUlfcye.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08

--An exchange tells US that one Chi
cago cigar factory is manned entirely
BY women. As an Offset to this we viii
state that one Partisan dressmaking es-
tablishment is womaned entirely by
men. Bismarck Tribune. a
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08

After the recent accident on the
Erie Railroad q Wabash special ran the
McCaull Opera Company from Detroit
to Auburn Junction, 1876 miles, in III
minutes. s. CHICAGO Herald.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08

A certain M. Bibbero is reported to
bein training onTyneside, in England,
with the intention Of committing suicide
next summer. Undeterred by the pain
full fate of Captain Webb, this foolhardy
foreigner is deliberately preparing him.
self for an attempt to swim across the
Niagara rapids.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08

"A number Of regular boarders In q
San Francisco hotel felt insulted and
went away because Johnny Sullivan
and his gang OF pugilists were received
as guests CHICAGO Herald.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1884-05-08

Eighty-seyen persons in York
County, South Carolina, bear the name
of jackson.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1884-08-29

III, ongh there isa panic at Foochow
says the New York NrdM. war between
France and China is not very probable.
English newspapers are apt TO exaggerae
the gravity OF the situation. England has
much 10 gam hy The weakening Of French
ascendancy in the China seas. while she
wunld affect to deplore conflict. it would
really delight her.
But il does not seem that anybody else
wants France and China to fight. China
indeed, objects very strongly. The con =
tiers talk war, but ut heart mean peace.
The Emperor is n boy The Empress holds
the regency on sufIrancc the successful
march Of an enemy to Pekin would prob
ably upset the entire dynasty. And Fraucp
has no sort of desire TO overInrn thrones.
She iias 'tiIl 10. pay the fprqnin bill.
She still mournI for her slain.
But lie Figaro has probably found the
convincing reason for asserting THAI there
will he no war 1t has learned iht the
Chinese re,d the articles nf itS witty con
trbmlor, NJ. Albert Wolff. 'C'n We draw
swords with II race =" civiliz ?" il asks.
Certainly not. The culture OF the Chinese
has again saved them.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1884-08-29
Betting on ElectIons.

The Cincinnati Commercial Gasette, in
r pl; TO correspondent who wants to
know whether or not there Is State law
disqualifying voter having bets on the
result Of an election, cites the following
Section G,0S0 Of Revised Statutes rend- !:
"Wbosoeyer makes any bet, or wager, sells
or purchases any pools on The result OF an,
elections held under the law Of tins State,
or upon The election Of any person To any
office, post, ar situation. which by The con-
slilnlion or law Of this State * made cleo
live, or npon The election Of Presihent or
Vice President Of The United States, shall
I've fined not more than $500 nor les. than
$5. or inprisoned noi less than ten DAYS or
more than six months, and when the
amount put ut haznrd Ia beiween said
sums, the fine shall equal the amount 40
llazarded. Prosecution under this section
-hal he commenced within one year from
The time The offenre il committed.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1884-08-29
Our OfTlcIal Weather Prophet
Chief Of the Signal Service.

Our readers will, no doubt, thank us
for the publication Of likeness of "Old
Probabilities" Gen. W. b. HaEen, who is
the official head OF our National Signal
Service Bureau. lie il is who grinds out
the daily weather prognustications, not
always infallibly but so nearly correct
that the people of the United States have
come to regard the bulletins as very trust
worthy on an extended average.
The Signal Service, over which Gen.
IIazem presides, is comprised ol about $50
stations l,calcd at as many places in vari
one parts Of the country. OF these, Mt the
first class stations observations are made
Of the weather in their respective region.
and rrrerted three times daily to Gen.
llaEn's headquarters in Washington ;
together with those received from all
other stations, representations are reduce
cd for the ensuing twenty four hours.
lien. William b Jlnzen, who is the
second iucumbent succeeded Gen. Myer,
he first Chief Signal Officer, December s.
1880. he salary of his posiiiun il S5
500 year. Gen. Ilazrn was horn in Yer
mont, III 1880. In 1851 he entered the
Military Academy at West Point. -Four
years afterwards he graduated at this in
s,itution and was made Brevet S.cond
Lieutenant Of the Fourth Infantry. En-
gagged during the mexi few years in fight
ing the Indians OF Texas, in 1850 lie wal
made first Lieutenant by bre.et. At th,
outbreak of the civil war, he acted II.
Colonel of the Forly-irst Ohio Volunteers
In 1862 he was made Brigaiier. Genera u
Volunteers, and Major by brevet in ll,
regular army in 1863 reward for hi
courage in the battle of Chirkam,mga
Successive promotions fur distinguished
services in several great battles le.' up I,
his being made, in March, 1865, n Majn
General; aud one month later lie was com
missioned ajor-General OF Volunteers, t,
rank from December 13, 1864 He WIZ
mustered out of the Volunteer Service il
1866, and subsequently served NJ Colone
OF the Thirty-eishth regular Infaniry, nm,
of the Sixth Infantry since 1869. Durin
the Franco German war he was employe,
in studying the education and character is
Tics of The French and German troops, an
. upon his return 10 the United States, EN-
bodied his observations on these subject
in u hook entitled School and Army O
France and Germany" In 1877 lie wa
, appointed military sttache to the Unite
States legation ut Vienna, and ncari
four years ago to his present position.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1884-08-29

Cases come to light occasionally where
attorneys in settling up an estate, take all
the money and IN addition bring in a bill
for deficiency in their fees. A case
which has just occurred in Milwaukee is
almost as had. Three lawyers OF that city
put in bills amounting to $50 1000 for sei-
vice (?) rendered in settling M estate worth
$4,000. Judge Thomas Drnmmond ad-
dressed the lawyers in the following capital
style:
Gentlemen, you consider yourselves
good lawyers How much more are your
services worth to your clients than mine to
the people? Yon have charged $4,000
for sixty days service. Could you moi lie
content, eacl, of you. to take my pro rata
for the same time? These charges are M.
famous. They are such rs men who ARE
sconndres and thieves at heart would
make. Thls charge of S25. 900 IL cut down
to 81 800. Repeat sncli a piece of practice
in this count and / will debar every one Of
you"
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1884-08-29

The natural gas well at Crestline, y.
gives a spray Of light seven feet long by
four inches wide, shooting forth from the
top OF seventy-five foot tower, gas pipe
for this purpose being run up. c. Chap
man, from Canton, Ohio, the gentleman
snperinte nding the digging, claims that the
vein The gas flows from now is only n
branch of the main strata, and says they
will have to drill abont fifty feet deeper 10
strike the main vein, when II is expected
The gas will shoot out in force and quaint
t, equal TO the wells struck in the vicinity
OF Pittsburg recently.