The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1884-06-26
The Cold Female Foot.

n luuy Wtnt iutO u tuWltI y Oluct anu
asked how much it would cost to pro-
cure divorce from her husband. The
lawyer told her there were different
prices, according to the length of time
it would take. and whether the husband
fought against it, etc. She said she
didn't care for the price, but she
wanted the best kind there was, a regu-
lar three-ply, ingram, hand-pamted
divorce, just as good as any woman had.
The lawyer asked her what her grounds
were for asking the divorce, whether
desertion, incompatability of appetite,
or any other of the dozen different
kinds of things that separations are
asked for, and she said she had no
fault to find with her husband except
on the score of cruel and inhuman treat
ment. The lawyer asked If her
husband ever thumped her, and she
said he never had, that no husband
COLD be kinder, or more tender than
awfully to leave him, but forbearance
had ceased to be worth two in the bush,
and she had rather die than live with
him. The lawyer told her to explain,
and she said:
well, he is perfect brute, though
he is as pleasant and good-hearted as
any man you ever saw. He is jolly
good fellow, never drinks, but he makes
fun of my feet. Not about their size,
for you can see for yourself that they
ore children's size, but about their
being cold. He says they are regular
refrigerators, and that wherever they
touch vegetation ceases to grow, and
everything becomes an arctic waste.
He speaks about my feet before folks,
and tells company how We don't have to
buy any ice, and that we have to have
a fire in the CRATE in August on account
of my feet cooling the atmosphere all
over the house. He says his spine has
turned into an icicle, and the perspira-
ton that oozes from the skin becomes
haH'stones. He says these things just
to bother me, though L think he is
proud of my small feet and only talks
about their GOODNESS to attract attention
to them. He annoys me nearly to
death. If go with him to buy shoes
he asks the shoe man if he hasn't got
any shoes lined with zinc and filled with
sawdust If the ice cream at dinner is
a little too soft he hands his plate over
to me and SAYS, Martha, just freeze
that a little more for me, and those at
the table know he refers to my
feet He had me pair of stock
ings made once of this oil-cloth
floor covering, and presented them
to me In a crowd on the anniversary of
our marriage. When they had the
trouble last winter in freezing the Ex-
position rink, on account of the warm
weather, he came home one night when
/ had some of our church folks to tea,
and told me to hurry up and get
through supper, and we would all go
down to the rink. The company all
wanted to go, and then, with an idiotic
laugh, he said he had hired me out to
the rink managers to walk around i'll
the water barefooted and freeze it. L
stood all these things until this winter,
when / bought one of these fur-lined
foot warmers to put in our sleigh. l
didn't buy it because my feet were
colder than other peoples feet, but be-
cause they were a very comfortable
thing to have in a sleigh on cold day.
You have seen them with two holes in
to put your foot In. Well, we had been
using the foot warmer in the sleigh for
month, when one night we had q lot
of company, and they were having
high old time. playing cards and laugh
ing, when my husband took the men up
in the smoking room. AS he went up
stairs he said to a villain who always
helps him joke about my feet that he
had finally found a scheme to keep a
man from being frozen to death by his
ha oh
eral of us girls heard it, aud we won
dered what it was, and pretty soon we
heard the awfulest shouting In the
smoking room, and lot of us went up
to see what the row was. hope to
die if my husband hadn't had straps
sewed on to that fur foot warmer, and
he had strapped it on his back, buck
ling the straps in front and he was ex-
planning to those villains how he wore
it at night on his back, with the toes
downward, so 1 could put my feet in
there and not touch his back. He said
he hadn't had particle of rheumatism
or neuralgia since, and his spine was
gradually thawing out, and he thought
by next summer he could take the
weather strip off his backbone and the
storm door off the small of his back,
and that villain of friend of my hus-
bands marched him down stairs,
through the rooms where the company
was, and explained, in II sort of pan
Drama grafton how it worked. and that
it was patented. and individual rights
were for SALE o, L thought / should
sink. But half the men present said
they would take one for use at home,
and was glad, for it showed that other
women were abused the same way L
was. Now, can | get divorce before
3 o'clock this afternoon. as we have
company tonight, and 1 wanted to or
der divorce with the other things, so
if he as much as mentions the subject
of cold feet can show him the divorce
and order him to leave my house for
ever"
The lawyer told her he doubted if
she could get divorce on that ground,
but advised her to give him something
TO complain of, by putting a chunk of
ice in bed with him every night for a
month, when, maybe, he would apply
Tor divorce, on the ground of cold