The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1884-03-14
rAcrs AND FANCIEs.

Cr.ciENATf Ia In donht whether 10 denl
be food VI bfsg OF IT. Bo.tOu Post.
A rpsn that neads 40 cents worth 81 VIII ak,
20 give aim an appetite for l5-osnt q n
n.r, always has tho dyspepsia -lCievelent
| Sentinel.
When steamer gets aground the Kooly
motor would be the thing Tor her, III 1
can move anything IL ought 10 move n keel
The Louisville Cou'isr-Journsl says
There " never nny pie in sight alter Mr.
Beecher has dined." Beecher's pie-onenes,
10 frequently invisible.
We heard OF q man tho other day who
was said To he mean enough TO steal n coat
ipeint. But he can't equal the party .wht
tried to stesl dogs panis.-tOil City Der
rick.
you cannot make your figures come up
TO tho scratch by constantly using the ink
eraser" is what the bank examiner said "a
the cashier whsn he discovered heavy de-
iaication.-I Osristisn A. Work.
Don't know as IL indicates anything In
a mans favor that he receives the largest
mnil OF any member OF the legislature,
RAther locke as though his constituents
we're writing tn bin to quit making a fool
OF himseli.-TBoston Post.
A m.u me girl In lonely place and
fnrcihly kissed her. She was terribly in
dignant. and had him arrested. She gave
an account on tina witness stand Of how he
throwing his arms around her, imprinted a
kiss upon her lips. rhe prisoner made no
defense, and the jury was expented TO
promptly convict him OF assault They re-
iuruad To he courtroom. THE ju- ia Jury
w-would like TO ask lhe Young lady two
questions" the foreman said. The Judge
consented aud she went on thu stand.
I'D did you wear The jersey that you've
got on now?' ayes, sir,n was the demure
Tpplv And WA your ha.ha-hai ban. ed
Ike ihst?" Yes, sir" Then Your
honor, we acquit the p-pprisoner on the
ground OF UNCONDITIONAL insanity. San
rraboisco Port.
A WON IN has finally been admitted 10
practice law in Connecticut, aud the conn
try cen lean bsck aud take rest for few
weeks. We didn't know there was any law
in that state. hut may b. she can find some
omewhert. -fDetroit Free Press.
Before roller skates we're invented, q walk
In March succeeded a skate in February,
with the same old thrills. Now, however.
the young and old, whatever particular pes
sion may DO aroused on skates. con be
triRod With all the ear round. - New York
Journal.
Very nice. 30 you're engaged to DIR. b.;
u must bs very nice tn be engaged TO q doc.
Tor. Every time he calls, you know-and
Of course that must be very often-you feel
~ II you we're getting for nothing what any
body sl,s would have to pay three dollars
Lamp con.
1t 10 proposed 70 Introduce bill into
congress making II an offence punishable
by fine ond imprisonment to require con-
victs to work more than ten hours q day.
,ch law will exclude them from tho edl-
torisl STATS Of daily newspapers, although
hey may richly deserve such a punish
Herald.
A New York society" organ saws that |
he words papa" aud mamma" have |
,een 40 appropriated by ordinary people. |
hat "they are now anything but fashion |
.ble IN good societv." Fashionable society |
8 altogether too heightened. In many in
tauces papa" ann mamma" themselves
re no longer tolerated in fashionable"
ociety. They arc too plain and unnssum-
ng-and rive evidence OF possessing brains. |
Herald.
A Carlisle girl has q record oil having |
sten thirty-fiye griddle cskes on wager, |
ecently. This, OF course, occurred since |
dsthey Arnold's declaration that the wo-
men Of America are delicate, spiritu lie
FEATURES. IL Is very doubtful II the aDos-
IL OF ''sw eetness and light" with all |
lis intelligence and deep poetic feeling, |
ould put himself outside of thirly-hve |
ridcle cakes in one NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
itrsld.
Nj. Greathoart Is very unlucty. Re !
anne home last night with nine pieces Of
on different portions OF his
ountenance and several carmine reminders |
exclaimed his wife, have
'ou been stopping another dog fghtf"
Oh. no. DEAR" said Mr.. Grestbesrt cheer
uIly, 1.-The barber he'd not yet recovered |
rom his Washington birthday celebra-
oo."-[ Washington Ratchet
A worldly father, after tho style OF Lord |
has been giving good advice to |
l.n L. l<st tn MI
And, tbove all, avoid FIR atoms. But |
you must fiirt or fall Ia love. he sure that |
is With pretty woman. Is always
sfer."
"Why?"
"Because some o.her fellow 70 sure 10 be
traced ana Gu you out before aay harm |
az been done. "-London Port.