Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1884-08-20
Nasty.
Mr.. Nasty Reads ssHarper's Weekly and
Has u Dream Over It.

e.
the Corners understand the meanin NV the
pikter. he'd to tell EN- that Virginia wuz
the dawter Nv Roman off1ser a sort Nv
Briggadeer General, eZ it were; that the
Emperor wuz IN love with her, and wuz
bound to hev her anyhow; that the gal
wuz in love with another Teller; and the
Emperor, to git her, he'd one Nv his favor
it's trump up story that she wuZ RELY
his slave; and that this sneekin cuss brot
the girl afOre the Emperor, who Nv course
gave judgment in favor ov the sneek-
the pint bein to git the gal away from her
father and lover, when she wood be i'm
mejitly turned over to him; that when
Judgment wuz rendered, the father, to
save the gal from fallin into the hands Nv
the tyrant, snatched knife from butch
er's stall and killed her. ~.
Deekin Pegram remarkt that it wuz a
shameful waste NV property; that in the
good old days in Kentucky likely gal
like that wood bring $1,000 in Moo Or
leens.
Then went on to show that, in the pix
ter, Virginia, the innosent gal, stood fol
the Republican party; that the cro0el En-
peror WITCH wuz agoin to take her anyhow
wuz Blame, and that Virginius, the father
Nv the gal, wich wuz a KILN the virgin
to prevent her from fallin into the hands
Nv Blame, wuz the Independent Republi-
kin party, made up mostly Nv HGrper's
Weekly and Mast, the artist, WITCH I now
lilly respect.
They pertcndid to understand it, but
they didn't. 1t amt clasSikle allOshens
that ketch the Corners. They don't know
much about Virginius, but jist invite EN-
over to Bascom's! That they comprehend.
My constituents must be appealed to
mostly thro the bowels.
After exhaustin myself tryin to explain
the piktcr, went to bed and dreemcd.
The pikter was fresh in my mind. Their
.wuz the Independent Republican, labeled
Independent Republican," sot 700
cooden't make any mistake; there wuz
Virginia, the handsome gal, labe led Re
publikin party" so't 700 cooden't make
any mistake about that; and ther WIZ the
Emperor labeled "Blane," soft 700
cooden't make any mistake about him.
Mr.. Mast hez to label all his pikters now,
sence he has jined the Dimocrisy.
To begin with, it wuz all in the drecm
jest ez it wuz in the plkter. Blanc rush
ed forrerd to secze the Republican party,
and the Independent party, Mr.. Curtis,
seezcd the gal, and drawd her to one side,
and waved the butcher-knife aloft, and
wuZ gOin to strike.
Their wuz immejitly tremcnjus change
from the pikter. The damsel standin for
the Republican party wuzn't shrinkin
gal at all, but she wuZ tall, strappin,
splendidly proporshened female with
muscle onto her. And the independent
voter wuzn't hardy soljer. with legs
like cedar Nv Lebanon and muscle like a
blacksmith, but he wuz tlinleggid, mar
rer-chested, longhalred, sallowfaccd
dude, with his hair partid in the middle.
He wuz lcanin' on the gal instead NV the
gal leanin' on him, and the moment he
quit leanin' onto the gal his knees knock
ed together and it wuz with great ditfikilty
that he stood alone. He wuz so week
without his material support that he had
stood neer, to keep on his feet at all, and
the shadder of the Southern Dimocrat hid
him from mortal view. He wobbled.
The order Nv things eZ wuz set down
in the pikter wuzn't observed at all.
Their wuZ variashen different from wat
the Independent voter expected.
The fair damsel, the Republican par
ty, suddenly developed great deel Nv
muskeler power and constable will of
her own. She riz to her full hite and
fetched the'Independent dude one under
the ear that sent him in one direkshun
and the knife in another, and then she
Jumped onto the two of EN-, and KEEP
iumpin on EN- till Mr.. Mast didn't know
whether he wuz Mast or Curtis, and
Mr.. Curtis wuz in CRATE doubt whether
he was Curtis or Mast. Hevin finished
the Independent party, she rushed over
to Blaine, and, THROWN herself in his
arms, reposed there confidinly and ez
quietly as any well-behaved young fe-
male ever did in the arms Nv her owncst.
t"The Independent party ariz and sed:
"Look here, this isn't the way it is, at all.
700 must permit me to kill 700 to save
yer honor, 700 know. Eff 700 don't, wat
becomes Nv me and Harper's Weekly 2
This won't do at all. Fall into my arms
and be knitted without maxim all this
fuss. 700 can't live without me, 700
know"
Then up spoke the damsel:
"Excoose me. When l make change
it won't be to take up with thin legged,
emasculatid atomy like 700. l don't
like hair partid in the middle, and can't
love cold abstrackshuns. don't need to
be killed to save my honor, for I AIM
to. I don't wear flowers IN my hair,
and I hev quit the bloc ribbon about my
waist some time since. T. know nv
little biz. I don't perposc to be killed at
all. J. G.. is good enuff spouse for me,
espeshly ez he come to me squarely and
capchcred me honorably; and ez for yoor
KILN me, 700 poor thing, 700 hevn't
strength enuff to strike. 700 amt got
nerve enuff to weeld the knife you hold,
witch is nothin but lath anyhow. The
only weapon worthy of 700 is knittin-
needle"
And she took 'em on her thum- male and
cracked 'em ez a Kentucky woman does
nits.
I amt shoor but that the dreem wuz
profettik. 1t does kinder dawn on me
that Harper's Weekly didn't make the Re-
publikin party, but that the Republican
party made Harper's Weekly. And then
the story amt good one for Mr.. Mast
anyhow. Republikinism amt the daugh-
ter NV anybody. She is the father,
mother, and aunt in the kentry NV Mr.
Blame, MIR. Curtis, and Mr.. Mast. She
is stronger than any of 'em, or all Nv 'enl
put together. She doesn't need any apol-
ogists or any pertekters She perteks
them. And ez she heZ remorselesly
killed all NV her children witch hev gone
back onto her, I think Mr.. Mast and the
exceedingly nice Mr.. Curtis may cz
well say Their prayers.
Mr.. Mast he'd better quit takin. Roman
subjex and fly back to the tropix. The
best thing he kin do is to fall back on
his regler pictur Nv an elephant with his
back broke py somebody's climbin onto
it, with the legend under. 'broken at
last" That is his best holt. He lez out
lived everything else.
I am satisfied we wasted the 81 I col
leetcd to send the Harpers. We Good
hev done better with it, to hev yoosed 1t
at Bascom's.
PETROLEUM V. Massey Oreemer).