Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1884-01-10
WIT AND HUNTOR.

tho 1ucuCo tuICh Is the luxury OF the
| hour.
A Milwaukee mother boxed her sons
ears, but couldn't send them off on ac-
count of the freight charges.
| Alfred O'Donnell asked a ST. Louis
court for divorce because Mrs. O'Don-
nell sung ''Wait till the Clouds Roll
By" and wouldn't give him any rest.
A poet SAYS he can not write poetry
without suffering. Very few poets are
so considerate as to thus publicly re-
member their readers.
Go to Alaska, young man; 90 to Alas
ka. The last citizen who went up there
has already become solid man. He
was frozen.
''How do you know when cyclone
is coming?" asked stranger of Il
Western man. ''Oh, we get wind of
them,' was the reply.
Mr.. Abbey has reduced the price of
seats at the opera. This generosity to
the poorer classes of millionaires will
be appreciated.-LJe.
Papa" said a Marathon boy, do
goats give milk?'' Eyes Tommy"
''And a goat is a butter, isn't it?''
Eyes, my SON." well, then, isn't
goats milk buttermilk?"
Photographer (to bald-headed MANI
Excuse me, sir, but the top of your
head shines so that it will take extra
big; so, if you don't mind sir, I'll just
chalk it 4 bit.
| Now that the government is rich
enough to carry a letter for cents, we
would humbly suggest that it stop
making the postal-cards of blotting-
paper.
An English woman has walked
| 1900 miles in 1000 hours. There
must have been q woman with Il new
bonnet at the other end of the route
st. Louis Post.
A Louisville man having found a
board on which a house painter was
wont to timber his brushes and try his
colors, is trying to sell it as land
scape by one of the old masters.
At New Jersey wedding the middle
aisle of the church was covered with
Autumn leaves. Shiftless sort of sections
they must have in New Jersey.-Batr-
Zjngt0n Free Press.
"What is the worst thing about
riches?" asked a Sunday-school teacher
| That they take unto themselves wings
and fly away" promptly replied the
ooy at the foot of the class.
Since the false prophet in Egypt has
been so successful, the man who sells
fourteen ounces to the pound begins to
hope that false profit is not so black
as it is painted.
etiquette now admits of second
plate of soup" This is all right,
but if a mans appetite will not ad-
nit of a second plate of soup, etiquette
is worth nothing to him. -No1r5StoaU71
Herald.
''Where do you suppose that man is
driving?" inquired an Austin gentle
man, pointing to a tlashily dressed
fellow behind a stylish team. Unto
bankruptcy" was the quick reply Of
a bystander.
A Baltimore drug clerk made q
mistake in labelling q bottle, and his
error killed a woman. To be perfectly
safe, make the drug clerk take the med
icine and then rub yourself with the
empty bottle.
''Ah! Mr.. Panier, have you been to
any pahties this wintah?" asked Glen
dolen de Smith of his friend. mo,
but / have attended three balls al
ready" ''Why how delightful, WEAKLY!
Where were they at?'' ''At the pawn
brokers'" sadly sighed Mr., Panier
A pedagogue complimenting one of his
little pupils on his department observ-
cd. hrv tI,O,.
must have taken pains to raise you"
Eyes, it was quite painful" said
| the pupil; ''she raised a blister every
time"
The graves of the pilgrims who came
over in the MayfoWer have been dis
covered, and some of the aristocratic,
dried-uD old maids of Boston are going
to tile spot and try to discover aresem-
blance between themselves and their
alleged ancestors skeletons.
''Well," said jaunty son-in-law,
/ Longing in from the office with his
fathers mail, ''you've got q postal from
ma, and she says she's met a cyclone.
pity the cyclone" was the old gentle
mans crusty reply, as he jabbed his
pen into the inkstand.
The Christian at Worb has an article
entitled How to Make aWife Insane"
We have not read it, presuming the
method to be of course, either to come
into the house with mud on your boots,
or to forget to bring home your wife's
bonnet for her from the milliner's on
Saturday night.
Modern Elijah, who inclines to be
facetious-''pm getting to be pretty
bald, amt [? Guess you'll have to cut
my hair for about half-price hereafter,
eh?" Tonsorial artist, who is equal
to the emergency: ''Oh, no, sir; we
always charge double when we have to
hunt for the hairm'
OF the new Post Office building in
Detroit, the Free Press says: Some
say that there will be belfry with
bell in it, and that the bell will ring
whenever there is letter for any
body; but such statements are roor-
backs set afoat to influence the next