The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-05-16
46. DEER LODGE, MONTANA, MAY 16, 1884.
WHY WE LAUGH.

Can the man who paints the town red bs
called landscape artist ?-NY. Graphic.
Although Rome had eight circusss, neither
Of them had calcimined sacred elephant
Oil City Derrick.
"Another expedition to the pole," said the
man, as he wended his way to his barber
shop Cincinnati Saturday Night.
As 1t must appear In England: "'Ello,
Tommy. Hi ear your learning to hact."
"Ya's, I'm going to Hamerica next season."
Boston Post. ...z 81. 20 .
A complaining Chicagoan, in his suit for
divorce, declares that his wife has made
everything hot for him in his married life
except his tea and coffee.
Between ex Senator Tabor's nightshirts
and sSharen's nndeEclothes that Miss Hill
buried, the Westcfncrs have quite aftfgS
washing out.-Hartford Post- -=----------
De good man outsn place aim 'spscted no
more den de bad man Is. De corn what
grows 'twixt de rows Is plowed up jes' de
same ez de weed.--Arkdnsd1 Traveller.
Young Gra0marian-No; you cannot say
''shad has risen." Although 1t sounds un-
grammatical, you with be quite correct in
saying, "ths shad has roes."-New York
journal.
It 10 said that water composes three fourths
of the human body. This may hold good In
some communities, but In others water does
not enter largely into mans composition.-
Arkdnsdtc Traveller.
With the men of this country whooping
up politics and the women of this country
devoting all their energies to crazy-quilts,
the prospects OF . vigorous, well-balanced
posterity Is indeed gloomy.--Chicdgo Ne,cs.
DIR. Sargent lectures on :sWhat Shall We
Eat to Get Strong?" The title of his lecture
used to be 'Onions," but the Boston people
used their pleading eloquencs on him so Of
fsctually that be changed it.-Bisndrck Iri-
bune.
According to natural history the giraffe
has . tongue seventeen inches long. This
for cleaning windows, because he could lick
the dust of like lightning and wouldn't re-
quire a step iadder.--Puck.
A young man sent 80 cents to New Yors
advertiser to learn show TO make money
fast" and was advised in reply to glue five
dollar bill to the bottom Of his trunk. Hav-
ing neither greenbacks nor trunk, he Is still
unable to make money fast.-Norristopn
Herald.
Isn't 1t curious to think that the same citi-
zen who may be heard on club nights bel
lowing forth the bacchanalian ditty, "Land-
lord, fill the flowing BOWL" can softly Groom
his youngest to sleep with the seductive mel
ody, "Hush, my babe, lie still and slumber ?"
-Brlington Free Press.
James T. Fields used to say that cheerful
ness YES the best companion for outdoor
tramps. Perhaps that was 30 when Mr..
Fields was alive, but TO. day the best compan-
ion for an outdoor tramp is . chunkily built
dog, with head like cigar box and an as
sortment Of teeth that are warranted not to
slip.
"I understand dot vellow-vot you calls
him, Oxletree ?" said Prince Bismarck 10 his
American visitor. "You probably mean
Col. Ochiltres." "Yab, dot Is he-I unter-
standt his hair Is so redt it ofden gave him
Inflammation Of der BRAIN" "Wsll, never
heard that" replied the truth-loving Yam
kee, "but the Washington barber who cuts
1t tells me that he always uses pair Of fire.
proof scissors"
During the sermon one Of the quartette
| fell asleep.
SHOWS your chants" said the oIganist to
the soprano. "See II you canticle the tenor"
"You wouldn't dare Duet" said the con-
/ tralto.
"Youli wake hymn up" suggested the
| bass.
81 could make q better pun than that, as
sure as my names Psalm," remarked the
boy that pumped the organ; but he said 1t
solo that no one quartet.--Lye.
"Pat," said his reverence, 81 shall be very
busy this afternoon, and If any one calls ! do
not wish to be disturbed" "All right, sor,
| will tell them you're not In ?" "No, Pat;
that would be . lie" cam phat'll l say,
yer riveIence ?" "Oi just put them of
with an evasive answer" At supper-tims
Pat was asked If any one had called. "Faix,
there did," "And what did you tell him ?'
said the priest. "Shurs, an / give him an
evasive answer" "How was that ?" asked
his reverence. HE axed me was your honor
in, an SEE to him, sez /, was yer gram
| mother q hoot-oWl? ra,.....