Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1884-05-16
MI. Bascom Details Some of the Troub-
les off Saloon Keeper.


s * s. 4 It is troo shat Their is 200
per cent. profit, or wood be of you got
paid for it: But alas oodon'tg get paid
for it all. A ingenious yooth comes in
to my bar witch hez a small farm, and
he gifts to takin his sustenance. That
wood be all rite for me eff he Good only
take his s%ustenance and take keer NV
his farm at the same time. But he
don't, and whenever the necessity Nv
takin sustenance begins to be regler,
jist when he mite be Nv the most yoose
to me; l hev notist Their wuz alluz a
fallin off in his corn-crap. Corn won't
grow onless you plant it, hoe and tend
it, an aman witch becomes a regler Gus
toner uvmine don't plant, hoe nor tend
to advantage. f #
And then death is another drawback
to my biznis. If man Good only drink
regler and live to be 10 it wood be sun
thin with while. But they don't do
it. They are cut off by the crooel hand
of death gist when they git to be yoose-
full to me. This one goes Nv liver dis
ease, luther of kidney truble, rhoo-
matism sets in and knocks one NV EN-
off his pins, softenin Nv the brane kills
another * s. s. y and eff one NV
EN- gifts hurt he never gifts over it, and
then bronkeetis comes in on EN-, and
dyspepsy.-wat good is a man for work
which has dyspepsy?-and Their are so
many diseases that hits the man witch
takes hizzen reglerly that they die alto
gether too early. Them ez holds on
can't work after a certain time, and
them ez don't hev the constooshin to
hold on, perish like the lilies NV the
valley, gist when they regler enutf to be
profitable.
And then other troubles interferes
with me. When a noe man gifts too
full he quarrels and end from i%njoodish-
mis-. l hev bin in this room 25 yeers,
and | hev seen MORN q dozen NV my
hes customers, sum Nv EN- with two
dollars a day to me, stretched out on
the floor with bullet holes or knife
wounds into EN-. 1t WIZ a very severe
blow when Bill Rutlidge wuz killed
rite where the Deekin is sittin. He
spent on a everage 81 a day with me,
and he wuZ snuffed out in a mint. And
then they hung Sam Kitridge, wat shot
him, and there, wuZ another loss NV
about the same. Both on en- he'd they
lived, wood hev bin my meet for yeers,
for they wuz both strong men and Good
hev endoored d pile NV it.
Their are other troubles. 1t, is not
pleasant to hev men infamed with Xix
er beaten each other over their heads
with bottles and tulnblers, for it de-
stroys glassware, and furnitoor is apt
to be broken. 1 hev often wished | he'd
a kind Nv wiskey witch didn't maniacs
wv them WITCH drink it, but 1 never saw
any NV that kind. hey often seen a
dozen rollin on the floor to+wunst, and
when they come to DRAWN pistols and
shootin permiskus, it amt pleasant nor
profitable. l hev he'd pistol balls, after
goin thro a man, smash bottles in the
bar, and how are VOC goin to tell whose
pistol did the damage?
"9esides these drawback, comes sich
ez 700. What yoose are 700 to me? It's
'Bascom, a little old rye strate,' and af-
ter my good likker is gone, comes the
eyerlastin remark, tJist put it down.
That's the disgustin part Nv it. Ef 700
Good work, and earn suthin, and. pay
cash, ther wood be suthin in the biznis,
but 700 don't.
To make the 'sloon piznis wat it
ought to be I want a moo race of. men.
l want a moo set NV customers with
glasslined stumicks backed up with
fire brick. I want a lot Nv men with
heads sc constructed that they kin go
to bed drunk and wake up IN the morn-
in and go about their work. l want a
set ov customers with stumicks and
heads SO constructed that likker won't
kill jist ez soon ez it becomes a necessi-
ty to en-. However l manage to git
on. There amt no rose without a
thorn."-Nasby.
Washington Times:-A meek disciple
walked into u Office the other day, and
impaired to us the startling informa-