Connecticut western news., 1884-11-19
WIT AND WISDOM,

EnEora1c girls are great on the spark.
 Ur in arms-The squalling infant at midnight
 ArEA.rorALLER-The tea merchants accountant
 AwnE at homo is worth two on visit to her mother.
 FLBrArIoNs are defined as attentions without intentions"
 A PROMISING young man-one who gets his clothing on credit
 A CRANK is a person who does not al- ways agree with you, but has m opin- ion of his own.
 "wHAr are clouds9' We'll, one kind is when you call to see your girl and find that the other fellow is in the parlor with her.
 THERH arc a good many real miseries in life that we cannot help smiling at but they are the smiles that make wrinkles but not dimples.
 Ir is wonderful how silent man can be when he knows his cause is just, and how boisterous ho becomes whom he knows he is in the wrong.
 FouR sisters named Carr were married at Joliet, recently, and the clergyman who performed tho ceremonies is now called patent Carr coupler.
 WE don't know why the God of Mar. riage is called Hymen, Julia, unless it is because the groom is generally very 'short" man after his marriage.
 TIE foundation of every good gov ernment is the family. The best and most prosperous country is that which has the greatest number of happy Arc. sides.
 Ir Is VERY true, my son, that ''Puas in gloves catches no mice, but then you must bear in mind that cat that can afford to wear gloves has no need to catch mice. She can buy Ash.
 DURING the war a great many Amer jeans emigrated to Canada. That was because of the draft Recently numcr- ous cashiers have sought British soil. This is because of the overdrait
 TIE private letter always beats the public letter in getting into print. The more ''private" it is the moro certain it is to be published. A letter tho writer wants destroyed should never be marked "private." "
 HARD on him-Mistrees "I really cannot put up with your voracious ap- petite any longer, James. Why. even the beasts of the field know when they've had enough, but you never do." James: Please, m, you never tried me l'
 ONE of the neatest things said during the campaign was the remark of the St Louis Post that "the enthusiasm and enterprise with which general Gordon telegraphed for sl, 500, 900 would seem to show that the Soudan is an October State"
 THERE is nothing like trying" Ith related of Rev. Philips Brooks that he conferred with distinguished doctor of divinity and asked him what he thought of his trying to preach. "You might try" was the moi very encouraging TO- ply. He did try.
 "wHY don't you trade with me7 said a close.Asted trsdesman to publisher, the other day, "BecAuse," was the characteristic reply, ''you have never asked me, sir. I have looked all through the papers for an invitation in the shape of an advertisement
 A TRAVELLER through Arabia writes that when a Bedouin is asked to drink his answer would frequently be; "No. thRnks-I drank yesterday" In this country the answer usually is: well. I've been at it all the morning, but guess can stand another"
 WHAT is the difference between bi. cycle rider, who is just bounced of his machine, and blows up the earth with his nose, and the young man who invites the person who makes his clothes to ac- company him on an exeuniong An. swer: One takes header, and the other takes a tailor
 AT sociable tho other evening, young Maischcr stole kiss from the pretty Miss Towne. A few minutes aiierward A friend asked him what ailed his noec, whereupon he drew the back of his hand across that prominent organ, looked at his vermilion-stained knuckles, and nut. tered: "Humph some one has painted the Towne rcd r"
 A BOY was caught stealing entrants, and was locked up in dark closet by the grocer. The boy began begging most pathetically Co be released, and after much persuasion suggested' 'Now, if you'll lot me out and send for my father. hell pay you for the enrrantA, and lick me besides" The grocer could not withstand this appeal
 "Bop, did you ever stop to think, p said a grocer recently, as he measured out half peck of potatoes, "thAt these potatoes contain sugar, water and starch2" "No, don't, replied the boy, ''but heard mother say you put pens and beans in your coffee, and about a pint of water in every quart of milk you sold" The subject of natural philosophy was dropped right there.
 "So rHE Arabians go to lodges and come home late, just as you dc, " said Mrs. Mannerly to her husband, who was of a conyivial turn of mind. "I don't know" he stammored; ''but know they do. for read in a paper that when an