The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1884-09-30
BUDGET.
A colleetion ofsl.ort Romance, from Every.

A Collection OF Short lsomances from Every
An able and conscientious editor OIL
Vest calls his reporters Figures" be
cause they won't lie.
What will the candidates do when III,
State and county fair season Is over? Tn
next President cant always have the bi,
pumpkins to draw audiences Tor him.
Oh, yes, my son, there arc more dams Il
New England tlan there arc In tho presi
DENTAL campaign, q great many more
Morc or less. And they hold Il great dea
more, too-more water, that Is. Not auitt
50 much whisky, oh no. Not by a quart
should say.
Returning pleased with his successful,
mission among the savages OF Great
Britain, Mr.. Moody declares that "ltif I
were not hul lIamerican, q would be
appier to be han llc%nglishmnn rather
than liany hother nationality" Ear ear
Up, Up, 'umh! q
The CRATE question: Who shall build
the fro? Also: Who shall be privileged
to poke 1t, being kindled?
When u pound master overcharges a
dollar for shutting q hog up In q pound, Is
that at.i-lnal fees.ancein office? Brethren,
We should say so.
Some OF the religious papers in Massa-
chusetts IRE discussing the question:
Should a minister wear mustacllcs ~. We
think it is his duty to society 10 wear so
much as that, Mt least, and in the great
cities where society Is more coldly artiti-
cial and formally ~cxactins lie might, with
commendablc worldly wisdom, add q vest
and a pair OF trousers, especially Us the
season advances.
~ VIII stay" he sang, "and sing my lay,
While slumbcr se1lls your eyes;
And the deep still night will chase the day
Away from the star.llt skies.
will wake aud slug I'll the morning star
Shall glow In the eastern sky" 49,
hut he didn't: the dog woke lip lust then
And smote him hlpand thigh.
.Alplleus'' wants to know It VIC don't
think whisky helps the digestion? Ger
tainly it does, Alphcus, certainly it does.
You drink lots OF whisky and it will im-
prove your digestion wonderfully. But
most men find they can digest rs well
without it. So, ii you don't want to die
Just yet, Alpheus, YOU leave whisky alone.
Mr.. Bcrgh defends the intelligence OF
the domestic cat, and says 1t can be trained
70 Sfetch and carry" just like a dog. MI.
Bcrgh is correct. The cat will carry of
the canary without any training, and If
there is anything that will fetch a coop OF
young chickens quicker than a lean one
eyed cat, it hasn't yet been discovered.
"E,hel'' writes to ask il we, think high
heels arc injurious. We think they are,
Ett'ie, very injurious and extremely dan.
gerous, and when they are on a bay mule
with zebra legs, they may be rated US
extra hazardous. Keep away from 'em,
Ethel.
The man who regularly and habitually
closed tho door after him, tight ~ wax,
all summer, is now ju%stbesinning to leave
it wide open every time h. goes out md
comes In.
Sand what OF this present time?" cried
the parson, earnestly. smith. the pulpit,
what OF this time In which We live?
What about the Now9" SNOW" said the
good editor, suddenly aroused from his
comfortable, tlumber, "now Is the time to
make up clubs" And then the deaeons
dubbed together and set him out.
There " thia difference between Esau
and the President. Esau sells himself for
q mess Of pottage and the President cxsells
himself an a not of Mesaaac, 81