Morning journal and courier., 1884-01-24
RY THE TON,

An exchange speaks of Hamburger by the ton" We have frequently seen Hamburger by the Teuton-Norristown Herald. CT hear" said Mrs Parvenu, ''that MT. Willows son took the diploma at Yale last year. always said Yale was an awful un-
 healthy city !"-New York Mail.
 Most of the weather prophets have prophe- | sample, it will be necessary to use blasting powder to open it.-Peck's Sun. Little Johnnie and Mary were sitting on an ottoman in rather close quarters. Both realized the crowded situation of affairs, and it was finally righted by Johnnie, who said:
 'sMary, there would be more room for me on | this outerman if one of us wes to get of. ."- 1 Marathon Independent.
 tOnly think of itl" exclaimed Chicago girl; sT weigh 12O pounds in my stockings. 2 stDo you2" replied her cousin from St. Louis. plancinp at the feet of the first speaker, q wouldn't have believed it. How much do you weigh altogether?' They never speak as l they pass by.-Boston Transcript. q see," said McGilI. laying down the pa per, ''that old Pinchnickle has willed his property to Scrog8ins, the saloon keeper. " s'How's that I supposed that he willed it l ell to his son Harry" ''Well, he did. But that was only an indirect way of leaving it to Seroggins. ."-Marathon Independent "What makes you so happy?" asked min l ister of a dying man. "Because have taken advantage or the three days of grace" 'tHis | mind is wandering" said the minister, aside: 1 No, I'll be blamed if it is. You see, I have note in thu bank. It is due By the | time the three days of grace expire will be dead. Oh let me laugh" But can't they % on your security?'' tsHe's dead. Oh, let
 me laugh again.
 The way in which the word s1ady'' is used I now is we'll illustrated in little scene which ,e ! the other day. There had been disturbance | on the street corner and Hibernian nymph described it to the curior sidewalk commit 1 tee as follows: sYe're dirthy liar,' says the lady as keeps the apple stand. Wid that, the ould drunken lady up wid brick and
 mercial Bulletin.
 l A tramp who was yesterday telling his long, sad story to the occupant of Griswold street office was suddenly asked: "Will you i swear to the truth of your ssatements2"
 '.Yes, sir" stAll right. Pm notary. Hold | up your hand" The tramp took his 'affida- | w" without wink, and when the ceremony l had been concluded he said: ''Now, will you give me quarter?'' ''Why, what sort of g man are you?" exclaimed the other. "I've just administered an oath that charge fifty cents for, and now you want two shilings moreI Be of, sir, or I'll call an oficer."-De- 1 troit Free Press.
 POEM OF PASSION.
 Oh lovei My loyel could bust your vixen, In the bowling craze of my mad desire, I could tear you asunder from deck to mizzen, And roast your soul in raging fire. I could yank your heart from your jumping bosom.
 And drown out your life in 8 of bliss | If had a million lives I'd lose 'em, For wh9oping whack at a fire frnged kiss. 1 could chew your till the flashing gristle Collapsed nks the crash of s aid cyclone. l I could shriek in gIee like railroad whistle. And guaw your chin to the gl-auaing boneI could swallow your breath as the toper swallows The fiery nagon of rot gut rye.
 could wallow in love as the hot hog wallows In the pliant depths of the back yard sty 1 I could snatch you bald in a holy minute, And yell like Yahoo to hear you squeaI | could peel your hide from your head and pin 1t With fiery spike to your bulging heel.
 Oh yes, could hug you, and kiss you and kill you, And yet my mad passion Id never quelI, l You darling, delightful old liver pill You, I'd make you bslieve yen had landed in Tewks. !. Minneapolis Tribune.