Morning journal and courier., 1884-09-29
OWESa

Teacher-''What is the capital of Tennes- see2" Pupil-HShe hajnt got any. That was used up long ago and she now lives on what she owes. '-Boston Transcript. An Englishman claims to have discovered an animal with il 900 eyes. He intends to keep it chained up where it can watch his daughter and the coachman Burlington Free Press.
 Mr. Bergh is making row over the cruelty of feeding boas on living animals After he gets through the menagerie he had better take up the drawing room. Are not the human victims of the parlor bore worth thought?- Rochester Post-Express.
 Employer (to Patrick, whose wife has left him)-EENever mind, my poor fellow, before the week is out you will find some woman that loves you as much" Patrick Sorrow fully)-''It's not the love, sir, it's the cook ing l''-New York Graphic.
 Intending purchaser of horse (doubtfully) --"What makes him lay his ears back like that 2" Dealer (more in sorrow than in an- ger)-F'Lor, sir, that shows what sensible hanimal he is, sir. He's a-ist'ning to all what we says about him. "-London Judy. A common brick, if very dry, will absorb quart of water. The perfect brick of the human variety, however, although he is al ways very dry, wouldn't absorb quart of water in years drinking. Herein is seen the superiority of mind over matter.-Free Press.
 tfPa," said young Johnnie Jarphly, "why don't you run for PrssidentF' "Why, my son?' suspiciously asked Mr. Jarphly. You'd sop replied the elder Jarphly, quite flat tered 'FYes, for ma says no one could say anything too bad for you."-Pittsburg Chronicle.
 Murphy-Phat's this comin' doom the streetl Reilly-Bedad, it's me Uncle Moil1e. He's wurkin' ter git pension as 8 Mfxican vetheran av the war av eighteen hoondred an twelve, and they won't give it to him. The spalllpeene Murphy-How long has he landin' 1asht Choosday!-Life. Should Live-Two men met on the river bank 1T have come here to commit sui cide,' said one f'So have l." raplied the other. q borrowed lot of money and can not pay it back, so I have decided to end my life" FI declare this is strange. l have de cided to kill myself because failed to Dor row money. I've got enough for the drinks. Such conscientious men should live. Come on"-Arkansaw Traveller.
 '"And will you really be married in Sep tember, dear?'' 'EWhy, Lilly sweet, it is not definitely arranged yet. You know Alfred has been in the position of cashier with the present firm for only two years" "So you were telling me, darling, but do you think you VIII nave lOuS IO WelLs CdAuOO say definitely Lilly, but Alfred is very energetic, and he says that if business continues to i'm prove he hopes within the next three months to accumulate shortage upon which we can live comfortably"
 A Political Necessity.-Mrs. Colonel Yer ger, of Austin avenue, recently hired col ored girl named Matilda Snowball, but she was only in the house few days when she was caught stealing money. "You're nice one" said Mrs Yerger indignantly; ''you ought to be ashamed of yourself. You hard 1y get into the house before you begin to steal noney'' ''I know hit ain't right ter begin SO soon, was the reply ''I was gwinter wait week or so before tuck sumfn', but de gemman who am payin' me 'tentions am runnin' for office on de Reform ticket, and he says he has to hab money for de cam paign 'spenses no matter whar hit comes from. .n-Texas Siftings.
 Augustus FitzgibbonA Moran
 Fell in love with Maria McCann
 Will ayen and whoop 4 He cleared the front stoop
 Just ahead brogan.