Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1884-05-23
retrospective Philosophy.

\ long-haired gentleman, while passing a
barber shop, was accosted by a barber who,
on the lookout for work, stood in the door
way:
Say, Cap'n, better come in and let me
cut yer hair
why do you want to cut my hair ~
stopping and politely replying 10 the bar
Der.
Case it's mighty long boss
THAT is where your depraved grasp for
gain gets the better ofyour judgment My
! hair has Just been closely shingled."
',What makes it lay down on yer Shout
| ders den. boss
1T does not lie ON my shoulders To
your vitiated sight it may seem to lie ON
my shoulders, but i'll reality it does not.
Did you ever study interpretive philos-
ophy?"
No sab neber heard o it,
"Well, that's the cause Of your mistake.
You have stood here in your door so long,
watching people with long hair, until you
think that the head of every man needs
shingling. Your desire to make money has
outstripped the judgment of your eyesight.
Men in your profession have kept ON in
this way until they had to be taken to an
asylum where such diseases are treated.
You have been standing out here for about
half an hour, haven't yOu?"
. Yes, sab.
And nearly every man who passed had
long hair. didn't hep
:" Yes, sab dats fack"
. You have seen more men than women
pass, haven't you ?"
"B'lieve has. sahn
" In fact, nearly everybody who passes is
a man ?"
:" Yes, sab
Well, now, the truth is very few men
passed here within the last hour, and those
who did pass had short hair In your
eagerness for work, resulting from that
brain hallucination born of Il desire for
gain, you have mistaken women for men
and long hair for short. Haven't you been
troubled in your mind about religion
lately?"
Think has, boss"
OF course. You are afflicted by brain
hallucination This is the direct work Of
the devil You were a slave before the
war?'
Yes, sab
Certainly: and the devil is endeayor-
ing to keep you slave. He is giving you
a false eyesight He is sowing in your
breast the seeds of gain-desire He knows
that after awhile, by your persistency, you
will make yourself obnoxious in the sight
Of the law"
Denis mighty cuts Jacks, boss"
To be sure they.are You have never
studied interpretive philosophy, have
your
No, sab, kahn say dat 1 hab"
Well then. so much better for the
devil. He has just begun to work on you
now but after while he'll make you seize
little babies ont of their buggies, take them
into your shop and attempt to shave them
and cut their hair.
May de Lawd sabe me from dat time
replied the barber, with a restless air.
Sure to come unless you study intro
spective philosophy. You have gone far
already. You are blinded now. What am
/? man or woman ~
Yer's dressed like a man, sab.
And you thought just now that had
long hair?n
Yes, sab
"Well, am woman with short hair
and wear flowing skirts
Boss vOus going too fur wild me-
All right; I'll bet you twenty dollars
that | am dressed as woman and that my
hair is short. We Will leave it TO any man
you may select
amt a bettin' man, Cap'n."
Il don't blame you. | am Il woman
dressed as woman, but | am an intro
spective philosopher. If you go on in your
ignorance, you are likely to go crazy after
awhile. Why don't you study philoso-
phy?'
Il amt got de books, sab"
Madam, if you please"
S'cuse me. | amt got de books,
madam"
Well, here is book ON interpretive
that will let you have for two
dollars"
Here's your money; gimme de book,
and the long-haired agent for great work
walked away in contentment with his own
abilities.-[ Arkansaw Traveller.