News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1884-01-31

HOW Gail you I6ll
"Simply by sound. just tap it, and
hear how clear the genuine sounds.
That's tenor. Notice when / tap the
other one. That's base. ."-Austin Szft-
iags.
RESOLVED.
The Secretary of tile Lime-Kiln Club
announced an official communication
from the Commissioner of Agriculture
setting forth the fact that he had sue
ceeded in making sorghum at a cost of
only 81. so cents a pound, and asking the
Club to assist him in circulating the
glorious news among the laDoring men
of the country.
Nelson Slabs thereupon offered the
following resolution:
"Res0LUed, Dat de thanks of dis Club
an de 5000, 900 people it represents am
extended to de Commissioner fur his
patient an successful efforts to bring de
price of shugar widin de reach of cherry
poo family in America.
Judge Congo removed his coat, vest,
collar and neck-tie to prepare himself
for 4 speech in opposition, but he was
cut down and the resolution put to
vote The result stood: Ayes, 121;
noes, 14-Detroit free Press.
THE DOG TAX.
mYes. I'm the Assessor, num-
I've lust called to see
What you've got to be taxed
And what you've got free.
Now, mum, you're excited
Well, amt to blame,
For coilectin' these fggers
And listin' the same.
You've a boss and COW, mum
Well, don t count the COW,
I don't want the earth, mum,
Nor won't raise a row.
Here's whole string of stgh, num-
Miscellaneous and remarkss
I'll lust throw em in, mum,
We Assessors amt sharks
That's all, mum. Oh no, torgot'
Have you got any hogs?
Mop Thanks, mum. Now say
If you've got any dogs?
What, nary a dog, num-
Well. look at my clos;
My coat tails tore off,
And this scratch on my nose,
And tell me, on oath, mum
Now be on your guard
What the dickens that was
/ met in the yardY"
WANTED DIVORCE.
A few days ago amiddle-aged country
nan walked into the Office of prom
nent Newport attorney and took a seat,
when the following took place:
"Ah; what seems to be the difficultyY
''Well, me and jimmy are always quar-
elm, and think it would be better if
she would go back to her folks and I'd
stay where 1 am. She ken take the
three children with her"
''On what grounds do you want a
divorce ?"
'sWell, you see it's just this way
Jinny's the most skeeriest woman of
ramps We ever seen. And so when we
20 up stairs to bed she always jumps in
oed first, and then she wants me to look
1nder the bed for a man, when know
her aint no man there. So you see
hat riles me and get mad, and then
she gets mad, and then there's a fuss,
md I don't have no peace and can't get
10 sleep and I'm hardworking man"
"You can't get a divorce on those
grounds, sir.
''I can't?"
'No sir"
"Well, then; I know what I'll do.
I'll 90 home and saw the legs off the bed
lose up, so a man can't git under. If
lad thought of that sooner might hev
aved all this time comm in here
State Journal.
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.
Too much perfume makes a man sickt
le sweetes' smell in all de worl' is
luthin'.
When de curmunity takes up de mo-
ion dat a man is er fool, dar ain much
ism him kiekin' agin de Judgment.
I aim afferd o. de man what frowns
when he gifts mad, but de man wha
miles when he's mad makes me fee
mighty Uneasy.
De polertician is alers watchin' out
fpF de good Q, de people, les like the
h.ssvk what - al ers ssssicls2' CIT taa de
GOOD O. de cfaclSin.
De fatter de dog gifts, de lazier he is,
but de richer man gifts de more 'dus-
trious he becomes. Dis is bout de big
ges' difference dat / ken see 'twixt de
log an de aberage rich man.
De man what goes ter church de mos
ain' alters de shoes O. goin' ter heaben'
De duck washes hisse'f heep oftener den
lie turkey, but airter all he ain haf ez
IraUoler.