The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1884-04-04
1884. WHOLE NO. 769
NO. 4o DEER LoDGE MoNTANA, APRIL z, 1884,
WHY WE LAUGH.


Ell Mahdi Is not fond of Graham rolls
Hartford Post.
American titles of distinction - Bearon
Wallstreet, Count Yourchickens, Earl Yto-
bed.-Judge.
Japanese soldiers carry fans. These
weapons are probably only used in the hot
test of the fight.
A convention of BARRIERS was broken up
because one man said he had q razorlution
he desired 10 offer.
A crushed dandy: Diminutive dude: "Oh,
why do you make me wait until the last
dance ?" Young lady: "Ob, TO give you
time to grow."-Puck.
Vassar girls have fire company. Prob
ably no fire company in the United States
has such complete and fashionable assort-
ment of hose.-Btrlington Free Press.
Conklirg spoke of the opposing lawyer in
q law suit, recently tried in New York, as
being so shrewd that he, Conkling, "had to
sleep with one eye open, and one leg out Of
bed"
The destruction by fire of the Philadelphia
quinine factory is not only bitter loss to
the owner, but will cause people all over the
country to have the cold chllls.-Blooming-
ton Eye.
"Sweet, Restful Eve" is the title of wa
ter. color sold in New York for $500. 1t Is
not stated whether the portrait represents
the lady before or after the fall.-Bost0n
Transcript.
In New York the other day young man
shot himself simply because his sweetheart
rejected. Married men will read this and
smile, and wonder what was the matter with
his head.-Argus.
"Heres your roast beef, sah? ?" said the
waiter; 81 served it some time ago." "Oh,
indeed! roast beef? Why, so you did.
thought all the time 1t was crack in the
plate."-DetrOt Free Press.
A temperance lecturer in Brooklyn OBJ
served that the idea of drinking beer in or
der to get the nutriment out of 1t reminded
him of the cow that drank barrel Of swill
to get one potato that was lying at the bot
tom.
A Colorado burro has been shipped across
the Atlantic and presented to the Prince Of
Wales. 1t Is q matter of profound national
sorrow that this was not the first American
iackass ever presented TO his Tallness, the
Prince.
A ready answer: allow does 1t happen,
DOCTOR" asked Lawyer Coke, "that so few of
your patients recover ?" "Probably," quick
ly replied DR.. Bolus, 'for the same reason
that so few of your clients recover."-Boston
Transcript.
We warn both of these gentlemen, Candi-
date Arthur and Candidate Logan, that Mr..
Dorsey keeps all the letters written to him,
orl bat 20 ru
| slang phrase, "he Is bad man and carries q
razor" Washington Post, Dem.
The American eagle would like to 60 and
lift Mr.. Bismarck by the spacious part of his
pantalettes and bear him to the feet Of the
American Congress, but, having President
to elect this year, the proud bird will do
nothing Of the sort.-St. Louis Post-Dts-
| patch.
The King Of Siam wants 20 or 30 American
| officers to reorganize and take command OF
| his army. Siam should shout for Colonels
in an American bar-room. If they would
not take command for him hundreds Of them
would take something else.-Ne,c Orleans
Picayune.
| There was large boiler Of scalding water
over q fire In the yard and several black imps
playing near it. Suddenly shrill voice was
heard from inside the shanty: "You, George
Washington, keep away from dat ar oiler
Directly you is gwine ter upset de biler an
scald yerself to def, an when you is, you'll
be de fust one to say, ''Twasn't me nam
my.'"-Teras SJtings.
| dedicated to Coz. Crittenden, of Missouril
Patti kissed me where stood,
Jumping from the chair she sat in.
Night dispatchers, be so good,
| When you wire 1t, to put that In.
Say I'm crusty, say Pm mad,
Say Presidential honors miss'd me,
But when you do, why only add,
That Adelina Patti kiss'd me.
Chicago Ne,cs.
There is one man, at least, in Georgia whit
has reformed. He had contracted q habit o
staying out late nights. One night last weel
his wife went after him and brought hin
home at the end of shotgun. While th,
"shot. gun policy" Is not to be commended
still 1t must be admitted that 1t will some
times work great reform.-Peck's Sun.
1t Is sometimes a misfortune to be deaf
At revival meeting not far out of this city
few nights ago, German arose to expires
his opinion, and said: "Der pes q goo'
many on the road to hale" A worthy dea
con, who was hard of hearing and regulated
his responses by the infection of the speak
ers' voices, exclaimed "rhe Lord b
praised."-Bradford Sunday Mail.
Oh, what a thrilling sight to zee
Presidential boom,
With airy pinions, floating free
Like lilies when they bloom
| And dance.
It scars as high as starry spheres,
Its light the sky iiIumes
But, comet-like, 1t disappears,
To give the other booms